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#I guess it's too straightforward
lungfuls · 14 days
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Maybe I'm projecting and being hopeful but I mentioned to M that I don't even get to shit by myself in peace lmao and I feel like something clicked for him. Bc I was like hey, at least you get private bathroom breaks at work (noncombative). And since then he's been a lot more acquiescent when I ask if I can nap and stuff
#he's never rly said no he just used to be like 'well whaf if i want to nap' like in the early parenting days#which evolved into 'yeah i guess'-type responses#lately he's more like 'yeah!' like his tone is less. whatever it was before#same with any requests i make in general like if he'll put e down for bed and stuff#idk my weird episode epiphany thing i went through last week has me feeling much less patient and self-questioning#it's just a fact that constantly asking myself if i'm being considerate enough of others has done nothing for me#like it hasn't even improved my relationships.. i don't really have any lol#like i'm done biting my tongue bc idk if i've properly considered their perspective.. i end up blowing up at minor things as a result anyway#like it makes me a worse partner fr#i also really feel like i've been putting daggers thru my own spirit by doing this for so long#like i need to stop troubleshooting my existence like 'what if i conform this way' 'what if i conform that way'#here's what if: you will be profoundly unhappy and no one who you love will truly know you#this is such a tangent off what i started talking about but basically i'm done reflexively wondering#every time i feel wronged disrespected etc. if actually i'm the one in the wrong. it really is reflexive#the way m's mom responded to me setting a boundary was a wake up call like apparently she just read into what i was saying too much#so hypothetically it wasn't the boundary she was angry about but how she thought i set it#but like i don't have any time for you if my extremely sincere and straightforward communication isn't good enough for you#like i'm not going to be understanding of your inability to take me at face value we didn't both fuck up. You did#and that's how i'm going to act. like You fucked up. yk
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teddybeartoji · 2 months
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hi your writing is so cool and your aesthetic is so pretty i am nervous ksnsmzls you're one of my favorite writers!!
if its not a bother, may i ask how you got the confidence to write? any hints or something? thank you so much for the hard work you put into the blog, remember to stay hydrated and rest
have a nice day or night
AAAAAHHHH🥺🥺🥺 THANK YOU SOSO MUCH FOR THE LOVE MY ANGEL!!!!!!!!!!!! YOUR KIND WORDS ARE SOSO IMPORTANT TO ME SO TRULY THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU<333333
MMMMMMMM it's not so much about confidence for me as it is about Need honestly. i've always been a creative person i just never had the right outlet for it but now that i've discovered writing it just changed my world lmao i know that sounds very dramatic but it really is very important to me to express myself through art and writing is just the perfect way for me to do it. i want to write.
plus i have so many ideas in my head and tbh sometimes it's just about getting them out of there lmao but mm ofc there are times where i feel like my ideas are shit or that the writings are shit but then i think abt how mean that is. i liked writing it didn't i? so why am i putting myself down for it????? i try to be very patient with myself (it's a new thing i'm still getting the hang of it) and i try to just do whatever feels right.
and i know how discouraging tumblr might be sometimes,, like when the things you put hours into, blood sweat and tears and whatsoever, don't get the attention is very upsetting but i just... genuinely try to ignore it. i'm not saying it's easy it really fucking isn't but i just want to be selfish. and i want to write. so i will write more no matter whether it gets the love it deserves or not. i don't wanna stop and i don't wanna quit. think of it as spite if you will lmao like oh you didn't like that? well guess what. here's more>:333333 qhdhshdhsjjsjsj this is how my brain works okay i'm not saying that will work for everybody...
but yeah in the end just do it for yourself. you want to write, so write for yourself. the others are secondary – you have to love it first and then the others get to do the same.
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arsenicflame · 4 months
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one of the things that really pisses me off about fandom (in general but it seems 10x worse in the ofmd fandom in specific) is some peoples determination to jump to the worst possible interpretation of any scene with a character they dont like in it. its suddenly not reasonable to read the silly jokey scene as it was indended, we have to assume X character is acting in bad faith because why would he not. if you substituted it with any other person you would not see these readings, but because its someone they dont like we can't possibly read it any other way. im all for reading into the text of the show and analysing and extrapolating from it, but some of the takes i have seen seem so out of left field from the actual show that it feels hard to assume the people writing them are doing it for any reason other than blind hatred of a character.
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will-o-the-witch · 2 years
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Tfw you go to write a little instructional zine and it's slowly turning into a small book
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salsflore · 6 months
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#fretting over my future once more. i’m afraid i might actually kms if i go back to a regular school but i’m worried i’ll completely#fuck up my chances of getting into a university if i don't#turning to that cursed website Quora . i can’t do this i’m just TERRIFIED i’ll fuck up and only realize it a year down the line#i don’t want to think about what hasn’t even happened yet but i can’t just blissfully ignore the possible consequences either#i hate that this happened to me. i already had a Plan. a straightforward idea of what i was going to do and then i get ARRESTED omggg#why is it me that has to have my life disrupted like this‚ right? i hope hope hope things will turn out okay in the end but i am just sad#about everything that’s ever happened to me#i want to do the private candidate thing so badly but it means not finishing the last 2 yrs of highschool#i’d still technically be learning tbe same things but its more about the certificate or whatever that comes with it#and the friends‚ too ....#of course you only do this to me when i am almost at the finish line and ive found people i click with! thank you 👍🏻 salamat sa lahat 🤗#i need to do more research on the topic before freaking out . but i'm just. eugh so so sososososo sad#💭#negative#cw vent#edit: it is becoming more and more likely that finishing my edu in a regular school would be the best option but AHHH#i really. i really cant emphasize how much i dont want that for myself. i hate it#i miss my home so terribly. but whatever i guess!#also i relapsed so thats kind of a bummer ...#cw self harm
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bangcakes · 7 months
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crockersbian · 10 months
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vrisrezi isn't fucking abusive and people who say it is probably jump to callouts every time they lose a friend
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mrdyketator · 1 year
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it's weird but this is the first time i have fallen prey to the lesbian confusion of ''is she a friend (to me) or more''
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hergan416 · 2 years
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I definitely didn't check "A Study in Scarlet" out from the library and screw up my sleep schedule to satisfy my curiosity about what liberties with the source material are being taken in Moriarty the Patriot.
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cardhamine · 1 year
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*Sighs and unpacks my entire write-up for William Afton in this AU*
WE ARE NOT DISCUSSING THE WAFERS
See Read More for Will's entire history prior to the fic, essentially. <3
TWs - FNAF-relevant child abuse/murder, Antisocial Personality Disorder discussed, cursing (but really that's it except uhhh trans Henry ig but I'd say that's not a trigger as much as just something that some people hate the idea of)
- William was born in 1947 as the only child of two products of Old Money from England. They were not in love and viewed their marriage as a business transaction, but they were amicable otherwise. Their marriage was open as long as no one found out. Business troubles required that they move to America when William was a teenager.
- William is a 3rd. His father William II (did go by Bill) was a difficult man who also treated his son as a branch of his business.
- William's mother's name was Juliet. She was a stay-at-home mother, but she was not affectionate. She kept up with most of the family's finances.
-The family business was originally from his mother's side. They were semi-famous toy makers. Father's side were investors. Both families worth a million or more. (Not as impressive in 2023 money but a big deal then).
- William's family emphasized the importance of LEGACY. If you don't leave something memorable behind, you may as well have not existed. You will rot in the dirt and be forgotten. Your life will have meant nothing. (Plus you were supposed to continue the legacy of your forefathers, so now you've fucked that up, loser)
- That gets in Will's head but manifests into a drive for work and fear of death that develops into a phobia before he's even reached college age.
- The Aftons were angry at William for wanting to go into things like puppetry/robotics/engineering instead of just taking the business, but he spun the idea as a continuation/evolution of the family toy making business and they chilled somewhat.
- (He didn't actually care much about the family business but he did genuinely enjoy circuitry and engineering.)
- Will meets Henry in university when he was pre-transition (still being referred to as Henrietta or, preferably, Henri). Henri is brilliant with design and Will with the technological aspects (building, engineering, etc).
- They date (not SUPER seriously bc William is aware his family wouldn't approve) for a couple years. Henri meets a nice woman named Marysol (Mary) in classes, and they end up getting married after a 3 year courtship.
- William stays close friends with Henry (post-transition after wedding, at least socially if not surgically/chemically). Mary is perfectly fine with this, although she can tell there's something off about William.
- (There is something similarly off about Mary. Henry really knows how to pick 'em. Or maybe he has a type. Either way, both William and Mary lie on the antisocial personality disorder spectrum.)
- In regards to their APD symptoms, the two share a lot of the same traits: impaired capacity for empathy (both had better cognitive empathy than affective empathy), lack of respect for social norms/expectations, deceptive behaviors. On the other hand, Mary had some features William lacked, such as violent urges/tendencies and a complete lack of guilt/remorse. (She may have been involved in some violent crime, but she was never found out.) However, she very badly wanted a family and had a larger capacity for affective empathy than William which displayed in her care for Henry and, eventually, Charlie. However, her capacity for AE was VERY person-specific.
- William had a far diminished capacity for affective empathy comparatively (if the average person has 70% capacity to empathize with others, Mary had 35% and Will had 20%). However, that didn't mean he wanted other people to suffer. He preferred for others to be successful, so long as their success didn't inhibit his own. Partially because when people were successful, they were happy, and when they were happy, they didn't trouble him with their problems; partially because he did have that smidgen of empathy. He also experienced guilt, though that often made him more irritable than apologetic.
- William goes through a semi-arranged marriage to a very sweet woman named Violet who is also the child of an old money family but who wanted to be married to someone she loved. She did end up loving William, and he was fond of her.
- William and Mary are aware of their similarities immediately. They eventually have a meeting about it. Mary insists that they agree to never bring one another's families into any of their activities. At the time, Will has literally never done or even considered doing anything she's implying. But he agrees. She emphasizes that she will ruin his family if he ruins hers. He says, "Ditto."
- Fredbear’s Family Diner is opened by William and Henry around 1971.
- Michael William Afton was born a couple years after the two married. He looked a lot like William and like Bill, and that was something that made it difficult for Will to be overly fond of him. He also represented the family legacy that Will felt was thrust upon him his entire life. On top of that, he was a rebellious child who caused Will a lot of irritation, and Will was not very forgiving of that. Overall, they had a miserable relationship.
- They had two more children after Michael because Violet wanted them, even though the Afton side of the family viewed it a waste of resources, given they already had a male heir. William felt real affection for the first time at the birth of Elizabeth "Lizzie" Viola Afton. She looked like Violet but was precocious and intelligent like William.
- Shortly thereafter, the Emilys adopted Charlie, and the two girls eventually became inseparable.
- Evan was born 2 years later. He was a quiet, nervous child. Michael's irritation at being unloved by his father was mostly taken out on Evan, because 1. Lizzie was very protected by her father but also 2. Michael also loved his little sister too much to hurt her.
- Evan Cecil "Cece" Afton was Violet's "favorite" (though she loved all of her children too much to make that obvious.) She doted on him a lot, since he was the baby.
- William develops the Talking Fredbear plush with an internal radio so that the children can communicate with him without barging into his workshop and bothering him. (Cece uses it the most.)
- William and Henry open the first of the Freddy's establishments around this time.
- Things go smoothly until Cece's accident in 1983 (as in, "The Bite of"). He was 8. Though Michael was only teasing his brother, an electrical short caused Fredbear's jaws to clamp down, leading Cece to sustain a critical injury to his frontal lobe. The family is devastated. He is kept in a medically-induced coma for several months. William did adapt the Talking Fredbear plush so the family and he could record messages which would play every once in a while for Cece when they were not at the hospital.
- Unfortunately, he does not recover and eventually passes away from hospital-acquired pneumonia.
- Violet does not take the incident well and must be hospitalized for stress-induced psychopathy shortly thereafter. She passes away for unclear reasons while hospitalized.
- William's phobia of death engulfs his life. He throws himself into his work and spends every waking moment either keeping his business afloat or trying to "solve the death problem". His ideas become more and more psychotic. He learns about the theory of Remnant and begins making plans. He reminds himself to eat and sleep just so he can keep appearances up for Elizabeth. This goes on for a year or so until he develops his theory to use remnant to transmute the soul to a sturdier body that won't die. He just needs test subjects.
- Mary can tell that Will is becoming worse. She reminds him of their agreement: they’re to keep both their families out of any of their bad behavior. William agrees and intends to keep the promise.
- (1985) The Missing Children Incident occurs. Charlie sees William tossing his bloodied uniform in the dumpster next door and returning to the building that night after police have already done primary investigation (questioned him/searched the place and found nothing). He cares at least a small bit for Charlie and is somewhat aggrieved about what he "has to do." He makes it quick and painless.
- The Emilys are devastated, and Mary knows immediately what happened. She doesn't say anything, just plans.
- William DID develop the sister location (Circus Baby's Pizza World) to collect subjects to continue his experiments. His children are NOT allowed to set foot on the premises, and he impresses upon Michael that he should do what he can to make sure Elizabeth never does. He emphasizes that Michael has the responsibility to make up for what “Michael did” to Cece and his mother.
- Not a month later, Mary got her revenge on William by "bringing Lizzie to see Daddy at work as a surprise". William did not know Elizabeth was there, and Mary directed her to Circus Baby when no one else was in the room.
- William goes absolutely bonkers after this.
- (Henry never has any clue William or Mary were involved in their children's deaths - until a decade or more later when he accepts William's involvement in the other children's disappearances/murders. He never realizes Mary killed Lizzie and forever blames her death on William.)
- (Michael essentially goes to live with Uncle Henry and Aunt Mary until he leaves for college, and it helps the three heal a lot. Henry likely lives through these events due to having Michael to watch after/set an example for.)
- (1987) The details Will described to Vanny when defending his murderous behavior were accurate. The DCI did occur at a birthday party for children from the hospice wing of the local children's hospital. William intended to transmute their souls to the animatronics. They were 100% a science experiment, and that was a very disgusting thing to do. He had convinced himself that the ends justified the means. He said the "curing death for everyone" bit as an excuse/manipulation for Vanny's sake, though, as he at no point ever cared how his research might improve the lives of others. He was only obsessed with escaping death personally and would do almost anything to make that happen
- The deaths are thoroughly investigated but inevitably it was impossible to prove William was to blame, despite him being brought to trial. He did step down as co-CEO of the company at this time.
- Sometime after this, while attempting to harvest remnant from the suits he stuffed the DCI victims in, he's Springlocked.
- By the end of his life, William had directly killed 12 children (including Charlie) and indirectly (via the Funtime Animatronics) killed an unclear number more.  
- His methods of murder were generally quick and painless. These methods are also easiest to clean up and hide. He had no reason to be overly cruel, as he was not studying Agony and had not discovered it before his death.
- Springtrap is a whole other ballgame. William's soul and remnant did inhabit the Spring Bonnie suit for decades, but his consciousness was not as clear due to the Agony created during his violent, torturous death also impacting that form's feelings and behaviors. This is one reason Springtrap is so often recklessly violent/homocidal.
- Glitchtrap is a much purer form of his consciousness not as manipulated by Agony, so he's more like his original personality.
- Overall, William (in Breached) is a deeply troubled man suffering from APD but who also allowed himself to excuse some of the worst possible human behaviors. He tried to excuse himself by blaming his evil actions on his personal fears. Then, he tried justifying them through half-baked promises of breakthroughs in science/healthcare which were entirely fabricated (i.e. they were not preconceived on his part, just an afterthought). He would have committed all his atrocities even if the outcome would have only benefited him, regardless of what he said to gaslight Vanny into feeling guilty for questioning his actions.
- Harming anyone, especially children, in any way is horrible, and taking away another person’s agency via emotional abuse/torture is also horrible. My William is definitely an abusive, miserable, evil person. However, I’m leaving out much of the additions from the books, including this Wafer Debacle. This is because I think he is a much more interesting and compelling villain if we are able to see the steps he took to get where he got. Being someone with personal struggles who gives in to desperate, selfish desires to protect themselves from their greatest fears is something more relatable and therefore more insidious, perhaps even more disconcerting to read than someone who makes fear gas for kids because they’re wicked (IMO). Being cartoonishly rotten isn’t my vision for him in this AU. On the other hand, there are real life villains who have perpetrated similar (perhaps not with the sci-fi, fear gas aspects) violence against their own children (See “A Child Called It” book if you want to be nauseated forever until you die but also TW TW TW TW!!!), so it wouldn’t be completely unreasonable to claim a horror game/novel villain would go to such lengths. Just. I’m not going that direction with my William in particular.  
- (Malhare was being honest about "not carving up the kids", i.e torturing them like she does her adult victims. Her theory on getting good remnant samples involves torture (leads to her independent ‘breakthrough’ about Agony, before she looks into previous research on the subject by P. Taggart). William’s theory involves the victims being young (remnant is newer/easier to manipulate). From a scientific research perspective, including 2 or more uncontrolled variables in the research would mess with results and make it difficult and possibly impossible to decipher which variable was actually effective. So.)
- Just a fun fact, he did really feel real fondness for Vanny initially. He saw a lot of Lizzie's precocious nature in her, and he loved the ego boost from her gushing over how wonderful his company/designs were. He thought she was capable and had promise in robotics/engineering. He's just a very selfish person who uses people as pawns, whether he likes them or not. And if they start getting in his way, he isn't afraid to let them burn.
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taylorrepdetective · 1 year
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People drive me crazy. Ya’ll as bad as maga folks sometimes
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megkuna · 1 year
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it's very unfortunate tumblr discovered georges bataille it's always blood religion violence death eroticism cool and nothing about general economy or the accursed share which imo is far more interesting and revolutionary. but whatever
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termagax · 1 year
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not mad at him anymore i remembered he is the only dps in the game who is fun to play* and now i feel better
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maipareshaan · 2 years
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A very funny thing about me is that i have read the most depraved stuff but i will not touch s*mifer with a 10 foot pole
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vishapsking · 2 years
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WHAT ELEMENT WRITER ARE YOU?
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AIR WRITER.
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Exploring the darkness and light in the human soul is a delight, to you. You don't fear writing about MCD, Hanahaki or that suffocating angst. You are a master in flexibility, creating stories that can go from slice of life to mystery. You're the horror story that starts lightly, and the reader just can't stop reading.
Before you know it, the air in the room has disappeared and the reader is choking on their tears, while an invisible hand dries them. Your style is simple, and really nice to read, a word takes you to the other, and then the other, and it's 3 in the morning and sleep is clinging on you, but you just can't stop. Your prompts are *chef's kiss*, the absolute perfection.
You mix every emotion like colors on a palette, and paint the whole world with the bluest smiles, and the prettiest golden eyes. Your readers can't be other than allured in by you, and once in, they have no escape.
tagged: @csial ( ty fren !! <3 ) tagging: pls steal it
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shallowrambles · 2 years
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The crux of it is that misogyny is built into performing traditional masculinity
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