#I guess it's just nice drawing them doing the most mundane things that serve no story purpose and have no punchline or anything

[canisalbus]

✦ Cockroach ✦

[captain--sif]

Object Impermanence for Beginners

Words: 1.3k Fandom: Julie and The Phantoms (TV 2020) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Julie Molina & Reggie Peters, Alex Mercer & Julie Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie Peters Characters: Julie Molina, Reggie Peters (Julie and The Phantoms) Additional Tags: Object Impermanence, Ghost Shenanigans, Dumbasses (affectionate), Forgetting that they're ghosts, Hanging Out, Inside jokes Summary:

Being in a band that's three fourth ghosts can be pretty fun, Julie has to admit.

Sure,  there's the whole object impermanence thing they still struggle with, but for the most part, once you get used to having them around, it becomes surprisingly easy to forget that her bandmates are not, in fact, human.

Julie tries not to let it become a problem. A/N: for @unholyobsessions as part of the JATP Secret Valentine Exchange. I’m so sorry I’ve only been able to post this now. I had a mental health episode that I did not see coming and kept me from being able to post. I hope you still enjoy this. It’s mainly Julie & Reggie, but some other characters have smaller or bigger appearances. Thanks go to @the-sneering-menagerie  for beta reading this! <3 Read on AO3, on wattpad, or below:

Being in a band that’s three fourth ghosts can be pretty fun, Julie has to admit.

Sure, it’s taken all of them a while to get used to everything that comes along with it, especially her, but Julie thinks that they’re doing a pretty great job by now.

And yeah, there’s the whole object impermanence thing they still struggle with, but for the most part, once you get used to having them around (constantly, as Julie sometimes mourns, but always in good humor), it becomes surprisingly easy to forget that her bandmates are not, in fact, human.

Julie feels like, as the token human member of the band, she’s the only one slipping up on that account. Considering Flynn has been the first and so far only person to point it out to her, it’s safe to assume that the boys haven’t even noticed. For the sake of all of their sanity, she promises Flynn to work on it, but, even though Julie has always preferred music to maths, she still knows that the odds of her succeeding converge to zero.

In Julie’s defense: When she’s lounging on the couch in the music room, essentially mirroring Reggie’s position next to her, both of them listening to what Luke and Alex are working on while Reggie browses through a magazine and Julie scrolls through her Instagram feed, it’s easy to forget that they’re not the same. It’s very easy to get fooled by the mundanity they fell into.

Once Julie registers what just happened, she doesn’t even remember what Reggie said, only that it was funny, and that she had offered him a high five in response, as well as the tingling sensation going through her arm when he’d tried to reciprocate her gesture. The two of them keep staring at their hands and the point in the air where they failed to connect, wondering where their high five went wrong.

“Well, that was unexpected,” Reggie says drily and Julie bursts into laughter.

It’s not that funny, but Reggie joins in after a beat and they don’t stop laughing until long after Alex and Luke stopped playing and share a worried look over the state of their friends.

When she’s thinking about it later, the failed high five serves as a calming reminder that Julie’s not alone in this.

It also helps that it keeps happening.

The day is windy and cold, clouds slowly darkening overhead and making Julie believe it’ll probably start raining soon.

All in all, not the best weather conditions. For a human, that is. Reggie next to her doesn’t seem bothered in the least.

Which is good, Julie thinks to herself, as he may have decided against keeping her company otherwise, quickly poofing back into the warmth of the studio, leaving her cold and alone, instead of just cold.

“What’s wrong?” Reggie asks then, causing her to subconsciously wrap her thin cardigan more tightly around her shoulders.

“Oh you’re cold,” he realizes, stripping off his leather jacket, “you can have my jacket if you want.”

Julie furrows her brows as he proceeds to cautiously drape it over her shoulders, only for it to softly float down towards the ground, as if Julie was made of air. Well, no. It’s the jacket that’s made of air.

“That was unexpected,” Julie quips, lacing her words with teasing irony, startling a laugh out of Reggie.

Picking his jacket off the ground, he crosses his arm defensively.

“How was I supposed to know that my jacket is a ghost too?”

This time, it is kind of funny.

Her dad only lifts an eyebrow in question when he comes to retrieve her, soaked through but giddy with laughter. Reggie responds with a smug smile, for once both of them aware that Ray won’t be able to see it.

Other times, it isn’t quite as funny.

Like the time when they’re backstage at one of the bigger venues (those that Julie is afraid to ask how Flynn got them to play at), where there’s a lot of people, but the corridors are still empty.

Julie’s been making music her whole life, been backstage more times than she can count, but the bigger venues never stopped being a little terrifying.

The boys are poofing in and out of rooms and corridors, their curiosity knowing no bounds, their movements not limited by having to be granted access to pass. It’s fun hearing what they discover, small and big practice rooms, signed posters on the walls, rare instruments collecting dust under protective coverings. She wishes she could see it herself.

But mostly, she wishes that Flynn were walking with her to keep her company in these dimly lit corridors with the sickly artificial lights while the boys disappeared in discovery. Still, she wasn’t about to ask them not to. She wants that info of what’s hiding behind the closed doors just as much as them. She can handle some weirdly lit concert hall hallways on her own.

But then Reggie poofs back in next to her with the words, “Alex thinks we should take turns staying with you because you seem uncomfortable.” and Julie exhales.

“The hallways are a little creepy,” she admits, shrugging.

Reggie nods. “Don’t be scared. I’m right here,” he says, and Julie has to admit that she feels better having someone by her side.

Then he adds: “I’m gonna protect you.”

Julie says nothing, just clears her throat, careful not to make him self-conscious.

“I did it again, didn’t I?”

“Yeah.” She smiles at him. “For what it’s worth, I do feel safer with you here. Even if you can’t protect me.”

They stay quiet for a while, just walking past the doors that lead to the other practice and storage rooms, listening to the echo of their steps on the linoleum floor.

“It’s weird, isn’t it?” Reggie asks, and Julie gets the feeling that he’s been stewing on that for a while.

“The ghost thing?” she says, “Uh, yeah.”

“That too.” He shrugs. “But I don’t really mind it. Of all the supernatural beings that could exist and that we could be, ghosts are kinda chill.” There’s a small smile playing around his lips now. Julie nods along.

“We’re still together, and we met you, so that’s cool. We adapted quickly, and so have you, but…”

She turns her head to a surprisingly quiet Reggie, a contemplative look on his face.

“Sometimes you still slip up and forget what it means to be a ghost?” Julie prompts, searching. Finally, she sighs. “Me too.”

Reggie sways in her direction. Julie draws her eyebrows together, then laughs.

“Was that supposed to be a shoulder bump?”

Reggie covers his face with his hands a little too forcefully for it not to have hurt. If ghosts feel that kind of pain.

“Yes, it was.” He sighs exasperatedly. “Why does that happen to us?”

“I think,” Julie says, “that it happens to remind us that you still have unfinished business you have to get to.” More quietly, “And to remind me that I won’t be able to keep you forever.”

“That’s sad,” Reggie says.

Julie shrugs noncommittally. “It’s life, I guess.”

“And death, in our case,” Reggie adds.

That puts a reluctant smile on Julie’s face. “And death, in your case.”

“Do you think that if we just never do our unfinished business, the four of us could stay together?”

“That would be nice.” Julie sways towards Reggie, imitating his earlier shoulder bump.

Reggie answers with a grin.

That’s when a tingling sensation through her whole body causes Julie to stumble. Once she’s caught herself, she looks towards Reggie, who fell a few steps back, now half-obscured by the body he ran into. She recognizes the pink sweater.

“We didn’t aim well,” Alex apologizes.

Julie concludes that she must have walked through Luke then, turning in the direction she expects him to be in.

“You okay?” She finds herself looking up to worry etched onto his face and a hand outstretched to steady her.

A hand outstretched to steady her.

Her gaze flits to Reggie, only to see that his eyes have caught it too. He lifts his eyes to meet hers and god, does she wish they had a better reason to burst into laughter.

AO3. Wattpad.

[itsallavengers]

The Problem With Communication

For the REAL MVP’S WHO BOUGHT ME ICECREAM EARLIER, MIMI AND STRIVINGARTIST. YALL ARE THE BEST.

Anyway, have some deaf!Tony and smitten! Steve who fall in a love in a coffee shop, because I’m Basic like that.

It was stupid, to be half in love with a person you’d never even spoken to.

Steve watched as the barista named Tony swing the cardboard cup up in the air, bouncing it off his elbow without even looking and landing it on the counter with ease. Long, beautiful fingers flipped the switches on the coffee machine and set it off working, and then he jerked his head, flipping the thick curls out of his face, letting Steve see the tiniest flash of the most stunning blue eyes he’d ever seen. He set his focus on the coffee underneath his hands, his face intense, like all his attention was devoted to the fairly mundane task, and Steve knew he should probably stop watching right about now, because it was getting weird, but he just couldn’t help himself.

He’d been coming here every day for weeks, since he and his friends had opened up their comic-book store on the other side of the street to the café, and each and every time Steve had never had the courage to just go up and speak to the damn guy.

It might have been easier if the man actually served people, but it always tended to be someone else who took his order, and just Tony who made the drinks and then dipped back into the kitchen before Steve could speak a word. Sometimes though, he got a shy little smile from across the room when Tony was wiping down the tables or clearing up behind the counter and caught Steve watching him. Steve always quickly averted his gaze and tried to hide his blush at being caught out, and sometimes he would even hear the smallest and most lovely chuckles. They made Steve’s entire morning whenever he managed to coax one out of him.

They were currently communicating through half-hidden smiles, stolen glances, and occasionally Tony would draw smiley faces or leave little messages on the cup before the server handed it over to Steve from across the counter. Steve retaliated by leaving doodles of Tony at work on scraps of paper, and then dropping them hurriedly on the counter before hurrying away.

It was a bit stupid. Steve just needed to grow some courage and actually talk to him. But…

God, he was just so pretty. Steve knew that he would fumble it, and then he’d ruin everything and Tony would think he was super weird or something. He was… well, he was working up to it, okay, slowly. Thinking over what he could say. Working on his pickup lines.

 “This is pretty pathetic, dude,” Bucky told him as he sat across from Steve on the soft couches in the open-plan café. “Does your idea of flirting just involve staring at him like a creep until he calls homeland security or something?”

Steve blinked, and pulled his eyes away from Tony’s back as he reached up for some syrup on the top shelf. He then shoved Bucky sulkily. “It’s not pathetic,” he said, pouting a little. “It’s romantic.”

That made Bucky chuckle. “Oh, Steve, one day I’ll teach you how to flirt. Until then, though, I’ll just leave you with a simple task: fucking say hi to the guy.”

“It’s not that simple, Buck-“

“Why the hell not?”

“Because!” Steve flapped his hands, flustered, and then quickly tamed them into something more normal when Tony caught the action and looked over. Steve just smiled at him, and then felt his heart do a few flips ion his chest when Tony looked down for a second and then smiled back, before slipping into the kitchen again. Steve watched him go, and then whipped his head back to Bucky and pointed over at the space Tony had just occupied. “Have you seen him? He’s… he’s gorgeous! He almost certainly has a girlfriend, because he is hot and cute and straight, undoubtedly-“

“Oh, right,” Bucky scoffed, “because all these overdrawn staring matches and ridiculous smiles are just casual, definitely.” He leaned forward, grabbing his cup and taking a hearty swig of espresso. “Look, Steve, he’s into you. Even I can see that- although God knows why, after the flirting tactics you’ve been employing. But whatever works for you guys, I guess. Anyway- I’m going to leave you now, and when you get back on shift, I am expecting you to tell me that you at least said hi. At the very least.”

“And if I don’t?”

“I’m coming in here and telling him myself,” Bucky declared promptly, before standing up. “Good luck, buddy.”

Steve’s eyes widened in horror. “No, nuh uh, don’t you dare-“

“Now or never, Stevie!” Bucky jogged backward and grinned, waving a hand toward the counter where Tony had just reappeared. It was early on a Tuesday morning, so there was no-one else in the café at all aside from Steve, Bucky and Tony. The other ginger woman who usually manned the counter was nowhere to be seen, this time.

Steve flipped him the bird, but Bucky just cackled and then let the door shut with a small tinker of the bell. Tony was looking at the place Bucky had just left, blinking a few times in confusion, before he once more turned to Steve and then smiled once again.

Now or never. Now or never. Come on, Steve, just man up and say hi. Hi was easy. It didn’t mean anything. It was just a hi, for God’s sake.

He stood up and rubbed his palms on his jeans, before stumbling forward. Okay, this was going to be fine. He was just saying hello to his ridiculously attractive barista who he’d been staring at for pretty much one month straight.

Wandering up to the counter as casually as he could, he pressed his hands into the cool marble and leaned forward, clearing his throat. Tony, who was cleaning the espresso machine, didn’t seem to notice, and Steve resisted the urge to just turn tail and run. He’d got this far. He could do the rest, right?

“Hi,” he blurted, before his anxiety could start screaming in his ears. “Hi, I’m… I’m Steve.”

Tony didn’t even turn around.

Steve stopped, caught like a rabbit in the headlights. Tony hadn’t even acknowledged him at all. Oh, shit, now what was Steve supposed to do? Act like he’d never said anything? Never come to the café again? Apologize? See, this was why he should have just kept his mouth shut, how the hell was anyone supposed to talk to strangers, there should be a fucking rule book for this shit-

Tony turned, then, reaching for the cloth, and he saw Steve staring at him like a lost puppy. He stopped in his tracks.

“Sorry,” Steve blurted hurriedly, looking down and backing up, “sorry, I don’t… I didn’t… God, this is so weird, did I freak you out? Sorry-“

He paused his rambling when Tony gave him a blank look, and then held up his two hands. Steve just kept looking at him, entirely unsure of where to say.

But then Tony did a funny gesture with his finger. Moved it from his ear down to his mouth, and then licked his lips nervously. Steve stopped for a second, completely blanking. He had no idea what Tony was doing, and was far too frightened to even ask.

Tony did it again, and then shrugged. He looked slightly sad now, and his eyes fell away from Steve’s as he shook his head.

It clicked, somewhere in the back of Steve’s currently frozen-in-fear brain.

“You’re deaf?” He blurted, before shaking his head. Oh God. Idiot. He was asking a deaf person a verbal question.

Tony must have been able to lipread or something though, because he just nodded a little sadly. He shrugged, and then made an aborted movement with his hands like he was going to say something, before he realized that Steve wouldn’t understand it. He shuffled uncomfortably on his heels and looked down.

Oh. Tony was embarrassed.

Steve felt himself frown, his anxiety suddenly forgotten as he decided on a method to get around this problem. A second later, however, a beautifully lucky realization threw itself into his mind, and he jumped on his feet, making Tony look at him in surprise.

Steve grinned, and then held up a hand, beginning to step backward. “Wait here,” he said, hoping Tony could lip read well enough to understand what Steve was saying. To solidify the request, he pointed to Tony, and then to the ground, before suddenly turning on his heel and sprinting out of the door without another word, heading in the direction his little comic-book store where the rest of his friends were working.

He had a plan. 

    _____

 _____

   Tony watched as Steve turned and hightailed it out of the café, and all he could do was sigh.

He hadn’t expected anything less. It’s what everyone did, when they realised that he was, y’know, deaf as fuck. Tony couldn’t even blame them. How was 90% of the world supposed to have anything to do with him, when he couldn’t even hold a conversation?

Steve had been nice, though. And hot. Tony had stupidly found himself wondering, just a little, whether Steve would be able to speak ASL- or just any sign language at all. Tony knew British, Spanish, French and Chinese sign language- any one of them would have been a Godsend, even if Steve had only known the basics.

Tony had still been too scared to actually do anything other than smile at him from across the room, though. Because he knew it was stupid to wish for things like this. Normal people didn’t know any sign at all. Normal people just tended to stare at him blankly when he shrugged and told them he was deaf, and then make some hasty excuse to leave so they wouldn’t have to attempt the awkward task of communication.

Tony looked down, and bit his lip. It was fine. He didn’t have time for more people than Rhodey and Pep, anyway. He was busy inventing, and writing up his thesis for MIT. Other important things. More important than friends, for sure.

Slapping the cloth a little more violently than usual onto the counter, Tony wiped down the surface and tried not to think about Steve, and how he probably wasn’t actually going to come into the café and smile at him again. Which was fine. Maybe Steve would see him in five years, when Tony was on TV, famous for his designs, and able to hear everything perfectly thanks to the invention he was currently working on.

Hah. That’d show him. And Howard, who’d kicked him out four years ago at fifteen after getting too bored of trying to fix Tony and decided him a lost cause. And all the teachers who’d looked down on him and thought he was stupid. And everyone-

There was a sudden movement ahead of him, and he looked up curiously.

Well. Okay. He really… hadn’t expected to see Steve back so soon. And this time, he was dragging a friend along with him. With ashy, spiky blond hair, he was short and stocky, and looked rather confused to be here. Tony was feeling the same way.

Steve looked over to him and smiled brightly, and Tony just blinked. Steve, apparently unperturbed, turned to his friend, and spoke rapidly, too fast for Tony to be able to catch and lipread. He stood there rather awkwardly, until the blonde man turned to Tony in surprise, and then grinned.

Then he lifted his hands and signed ‘hi, I’m Clint.’

Tony took an instinctive step backward in shock. Steve was just smiling happily.

It took a moment for him to be able to respond. Too busy staring at Steve incredulously. ‘Hi,’, he signed back, ‘I’m Tony. And I’m... very confused’

That made Clint laugh, and he turned to Steve and repeated Tony’s words, keeping his mouth facing Tony as he did it. Tony read easily this time, because Clint’s mouth moved slowly, expertly. Steve nodded, and then smiled brightly at Tony. It was like the sun, Tony thought a little dazedly.

Steve said something else to Clint, who nodded with a small roll of his eyes. He turned back to Tony, and then lifted his hands once more. ‘Steve’s asked me to tell you that he thinks you’re really pretty, and he’s been wanting to talk to you for ages, but he never knew how to start it because he’s an awkward bitch.’

Tony grinned, and cocked his head. ‘How hard were you paraphrasing there?’ he asked, because he’d been watching Steve’s mouth, and was pretty sure that it hadn’t been saying things like that.

Clint shrugged. ‘Oh, none of that actually came out of his mouth. He told me to tell you something about dumb cup flips and the smiley faces you drew which he liked, because he is way too socially awkward to  actually let you know about his massive crush. But he is totally smitten. He talks about you all the time at work.’

Tony raised his eyebrows, feeling his heart speed up a few notches. He looked to Steve, who was grinning a little bashfully, and rocking back and forth on his heels. It was adorable, and it was… it was touching. That Steve had thought to do this for him, to go to that much effort.

Most people just gave up.

He kept eye contact with Steve as he signed ‘can you tell him that I think he’s cute?’ over at Clint.

Clint did, and then Tony watched as Steve blushed firetruck red and then bit his lip as he held his smile down, looking to his shoes. Tony didn’t hear his own laugh, but he felt the vibrations in his throat.

Steve paused for a moment, before stepping forward. He didn’t break eye contact with Tony as he snagged a pen from his pocket and then held out his hand. Tony may have been deaf, but he knew a cue when he saw one, and he dutifully held out his own hand in response, aware of how fast his heart was going underneath his skin.

Steve really wanted… to keep this up? Even when he knew that Tony was-

Steve’s mouth started to move, and Clint translated with the appropriate signals, diverting Tony’s attention. ‘Steve says that you should text him sometime. He would love to get to know you, but he’s going to need a month before taking you out to dinner, if that would be okay?’

Tony felt the pen scrape against his wrist, and felt the warmth of Steve’s fingers. He swallowed, and then nodded dumbly. ‘Sure’, he responded, which Clint then told Steve, who positively radiated happiness when he looked to Tony again.

When he dropped Tony’s hand, he immediately missed the heat. Tony remained rooted to the spot, somewhat unable to process the information his brain was receiving.

Steve wanted to go on a date with him. Steve wanted his number so they could text.

No one had ever asked him on a date before.

He smiled nervously, and then signed ‘I’ll text you tonight then, hot stuff,’ which made Clint grin when he processed it, and Steve blush even redder when it got translated for him. Tony felt himself laugh again, and he stepped back, unable to quite wipe the smile from his face, even as Steve backed off and left the café, waving as he went.

As soon as he was gone, Tony pulled out his phone and then typed in the number, the light feeling in his heart making his fingers shake the tiniest amount. He was scared, and he had no idea how to do any of this, and would almost certainly ruin it in less than a week, because that was just the way he worked, but-

Well. Steve liked him. That was… more than anything Tony had ever had before. It sent a weird feeling into the pit of his stomach; fear and panic and a weird kind of hysterical happiness, that centred itself right above his heart.

 Maybe, just maybe, this could work.

     _____

 _____

   Steve swallowed nervously, hands going through his hair for the seventh time that minute as he looked to the entrance of the restaurant and waited for Tony to walk through the doors.

Over the past month, they’d pretty much been texting non-stop. Steve found that not only was Tony amazingly attractive, but he was funny too. And kind. And interesting. And smart, god, Tony was pretty much the perfect guy, wrapped up in a beautiful package. It was a wonder that no one had picked him up already.

Steve couldn’t exactly say he minded about everyone else’s idiocy, however. It just meant that Tony was there, for him.

And, of course, speak of the devil-

Steve’s breath caught in his throat as he caught sight of Tony as he slipped through the doors. Dressed in a midnight blue suit, curls styled out of his face, aside from one ringlet which had fallen free and draped itself over one of Tony’s piercing blue eyes. His gaze shifted across the room rapidly, and Steve waved, standing up so suddenly that he almost knocked the bottle of water over in his clumsiness.

Tony smiled at him- the same shy little thing that they’d been sharing at the café for nearly two months now- and Steve just melted.

He wandered forward, a little nervously. He seemed to be searching for someone else- Clint, no doubt- but when he came up blank, his face twitched into the smallest frown of confusion, and he looked back to Steve.

Taking a deep breath, Steve lifted his hands and signed ‘you look beautiful’.

For the past month, he’d been taking lessons whenever he could. He had Clint testing him every night, and his quick learning meant that he’d managed to grasp the basics of it all fairly rapidly. He could finger spell with ease, and for the words that he didn’t know or couldn’t understand, he’d brought a pen and paper handy with him too.

Tony froze, eyes going wide. Then he laughed. Loud and untamed due to the fact that Tony could not hear himself, Steve thought it was the most wonderful thing in the world. He lifted his own hands and signed slowly, ‘you learned for me?’

Steve nodded. ‘I’m still bad. You have to sign slowly. But I have pen and paper in case I don’t…’ he paused, trying to think of the word, before clicking his fingers and finishing with the ASL for ‘follow’.

Tony was looking at him with a face so full of softness and… and emotion. He licked his lips and looked away, and when he looked back, Steve noticed that his eyes were a little damp. Immediately, Steve’s face fell, and he rushed forward, going to reach out for Tony’s hands, before pulling back and signing ‘sorry, sorry, I just wanted to make it easy for you’

Tony shook his head though, and he smiled, even when the first tear fell from his cheek. He cupped Steve’s cheek with soft and lovely fingers, just for a moment, before pulling away and signing ‘No one has ever gone to that much effort to understand me before.’

Steve stopped, and then he clenched his jaw, gathering all of his confidence and then taking Tony’s hands into his own. Pressing the most feather-light kiss to his knuckles, Steve smiled, and then dropped them. ‘Well, no one else knew what they were missing out on.’

Tony huffed, and quickly wiped his face, before looking back to Steve. Taking in a small huff of air, he suddenly leaned up onto his tiptoes and then placed his hands lightly to Steve’s chest, kissing him ever so softly on the mouth. It was nervous and quick, and when Tony pulled away he was looking down at his feet, blushing bright red.

God, Steve was so lucky.

“I have a feeling this is going to go really, really well,” Steve said out loud whilst Tony was still looking down at his shoes, feeling as if the grin on his face was bright enough to light up the entire room.

AO3 /// Donate to my ko-fi ! !

[holosoftheoldrepublic]

OC Interview

The rules are simple: pick an OC, and then answer these interview questions in-character for them. Then tag five more people to keep it going!

I got tagged by @greencrusader13

Tagging: All of my followers, because I’m that sort of an asshole 8D

 As usual, Yra, because she is the best. And the worst. But mostly the best. Timeline wise this takes place after the main storyline, but before KotFE.

 1. What is your name?

Most of the Empire knows me as Darth Nox, but my real name is Yracundia Kallig.

2. Do you know why are you named that?

Yracundia is a word from my mother’s native tongue, meaning resentment. You can draw your own conclusions from that. Darth Kallig was my ancestor, and I took his surname instead.

3. Are you single or taken?

I am happily married, thank you.

4. Have any abilities or powers?

Aside from being a Sith, you mean? I have a strong connection with ghosts, and I have the ability to bind them to me and draw upon their power.

5. Stop being a Mary Sue.

What? Are you hard of hearing? That isn’t my name... and if it were, it isn’t that easy to change our name — oh, it’s a literary reference? Meaning? ...  I would hardly consider myself to be perfect.

6. What’s your eye color?

I’m assuming this is for the blind? It fluctuates on the lighting, but a yellow-green.

7. How about your hair color?

 Black, something a blind person would be quite familiar with, I’m sure.

8. Have any family members?

My father might be alive, I have no idea. I never met him. My mother died when I was 14. I have a twin sister, but don’t ask me about that. Of my current family there is of course my husband, Andronikos, and my daughter, Andyra. My faithful servant Talos Drellik is her godfather, and my apprentice Ashara Zavros is her godmother. I suppose we could include my Dashade, Khem Val.

9. Oh? How about pets?

An Ebony-Wing Flutterplume.  I named her Umbra.

10. That’s cool, I guess. Now, tell me something you don’t like?

I could say the Republic and the Jedi — which, to be clear, I most definitely hate — but I suppose you’re looking for something more mundane? I heavily dislike radishes. And most root vegetables, if I’m being honest.

11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?

It’s also my job, but I genuinely enjoy researching and hunting down Sith artifacts. I have an extensive collection of historical non-fiction about all sorts of places that I enjoy reading, as well.

12. Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before?

[Laughs]

13. Ever… killed anyone before?

You do remember that I am Sith, yes?

14. What kind of animal are you?

Do you mean what sort of animal I identify with? I personally find myself to be most like a snake, but Andronikos says I’m more like a cat.

15. Name your worst habits?

Forgetting to eat is the biggest one, Andronikos and Talos always pester me about that. I suppose I’m too quick to anger, and judgemental, but it’s served me fairly well so far.

16. Do you look up to anyone at all?

Perhaps once I would have looked up to the Sith Lords of old, but... no, not anymore.

17. Are you gay, straight or bisexual?

I consider myself more on the asexual spectrum, with Andronikos being a special exception.

18. Do you go to school?

The closest I ever came to schooling was being tossed into the Korriban Academy to either become an Apprentice or die. My mother taught my sister and I the basics of writing and mathematics, and the rest I had to figure out myself.

19. Ever want to marry and have kids one day?

Were you not paying attention when I mentioned my husband and daughter?

20. Do you have any fangirls/fanboys?

Of course. I’m a member of the Dark Council, and a powerful Sith besides.  I also head a cult on Nar Shaddaa.

21. What are you most afraid of?

... being alone.

22. What do you usually wear?

I have a large collection of outfits that I cycle through, but my favourite is the one you see me in now. 

23. What’s one food that tempts you?

People find it strange, but I like hot peppers. Not in things, although I like that as well, but just... hot peppers. As they are. I eat them like you would eat grapes.

24. Am I annoying to you?

Some of these questions are redundant, and I don’t really see the point of a lot of them.

25. Well, it’s still not over!

[Sighs.] Let us continue, then.

26. What class are you (low/middle/high)?

I’m on the Dark Council, what do you think?

27. How many friends do you have?

The only person I would consider to be a friend is Talos Drellik. 

28. What are your thoughts on pie?

I don’t really like sweets.

29. Favorite drink?

I’m assuming you mean alcohol. I like a nice red wine, dry. I also like fruity, blue cocktails...

30. What’s your favorite place?

Mmm... any place that is steeped in the Dark Side of the Force. Such as Dromund Kaas, for instance. Any place that has that darkness, and history.

31. Are you interested in anyone?

Again, did you forget about my husband..? If he weren’t in the picture... no, I don’t see myself with anyone.

32. That was a stupid question…

It was, yes.

33. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?

Neither.

34. What’s your type?

My type of what..? Oh, romantic partner? Eh... I don’t really have one.

35. Any fetishes?

Excuse me?!

36. Camping or outdoors?

Is that not the same thing? I like civilisation, thank-you. 

[clairekatswritingcorner]

Envious Attraction

Word Count: 1,521

Summary: Having a half dragon boyfriend has its perks, but sometimes his instincts can get the better of him.

*Author’s Note*: The last @bad-blue-moon-rising commission for this bunch! Some jealous dragon boyfriend antics, which I can’t get enough of…I hope you enjoy!

Gwyoko could stand just about everything but someone messing with his pottery, and jealousy. He couldn’t help himself. He was naturally a little territorial, a little clingy, just another instinct courtesy of his dragon side. Instead of hoarding treasure, he tended to hoard his pottery, always keeping his home stashed with glistening and glowing pots of all shapes, sizes, and colors no matter how many he sold. That was fine, since it was a harmless habit, and sometimes worked in his favor. He was never short of stock, and always found inspiration for new designs. As far as his work went, his hoarding habit was actually kind of beneficial.

However, when it came to his relationships…well, people aren’t really inanimate objects. Things like emotions and attention can’t be hoarded, because there’s no real way to quantify or measure them. They just get exchanged between people to a degree that hopefully suits both parties; in the event that such an arrangement doesn’t work, the logical response is to sit down and talk things out, to establish new parameters that are agreeable to everyone involved.

Alexys always gave him more than enough attention, and he gave her an equal amount in return. Sometimes he gave her more than she ever thought of asking for, but she’d never complain about something like that. She loved Gwyoko and his personality, the depth of his devotion, his dedication to making sure she always felt special and loved. She hoped she did some of those same things for him, and of course, he thought she was more than perfect. He never felt ignored or slighted or second best with Alexys, but that didn’t stop him from being just a tad possessive about her time.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want her to see anybody else ever again, but he got lonely easily when she was away. He’d do his best to pass the time with his pottery, or some other simple, mundane task that could serve as an adequate distraction until she returned. When she finally did, he’d smother her with hugs and kisses the moment she walked through the door. She’d return his affection in earnest before filling him in on the events of her day.

When she was home, he loved to snuggle and cuddle and hold her. He loved to wrap himself around her and envelope her in his warmth, to cover her with one of his robes and just spend the afternoon lazily lounging together on the couch. If there were guests over, he tried to tone down the gratuitous affection just a bit, because neither he nor Alexys wanted to make anyone feel weird or uncomfortable. But he couldn’t keep himself away from her entirely; he’d come to rely on being able to feel her against him in some way just a little too much.

This afternoon a familiar face had returned to visit Alexys’s apartment; her good friend Xena. While Gwyoko had started to view her as a friend of his own, he didn’t really have a say in his instincts. He was never rude or mean or hurtful to Xena, but he would exhibit some behaviors that were noticeably more…needy than usual. Xena was sitting on the couch with Gwyoko and Alexys on the opposite side, and she couldn’t help finding Gwyoko’s antics a bit amusing.

She continued their conversation cheerily, although she kept an eye on Gwyoko just to see what the extent of his reaction would be. He was sitting behind Alexys like he usually did; even with people he knew, he preferred having Alexys as a kind of barrier between him and others. She was the only one he trusted so wholeheartedly. He sat with his arms around her shoulders, but not in an overbearing way. His hands were just visible enough to inform anyone that might be speaking with her that he was there, too.

Xena also noticed that he had his tailed wound around her waist. It was kind of cute, seeing the signature red appendage holding Alexys close, twitching in delight every now and then if something entertained or pleased him. Xena wasn’t sure if Alexys was aware, but her friend would absently pet or stroke parts of his tail as she talked, seemingly out of reflex. This would trigger a sound from Gwyoko that couldn’t be mistaken: that of a pleased purr.

Alexys definitely noticed that, and she giggled and gave Gwyoko a light peck on the cheek. In turn, Gwyoko nuzzled the side of her neck and rested his head there, assuring that his horns weren’t in any position to do her any harm. He adjusted his arms to join his tail in wrapping around her torso. Xena raised an eyebrow, and Alexys looked at her in confusion, oblivious to how unusual the situation looked to someone on the outside looking in.

“You two really have gotten close,” Xena noted, eyes shifting between the two lovebirds. “It’s nice to see, and I hope you two are happy together. I take it Gwyoko is especially happy getting to spend essentially every day with you.”

“I’m happy that I get to spend time with him, too,” Alexys agreed, and Gwyoko’s red cheeks only grew redder. “My life wouldn’t be what it is today without him. I don’t think I could ever ask for a better partner.”

His tail was twitching in quite a pronounced fashion now, and Xena’s grin widened. “As lovely as you two are, how would you feel about joining me on a weekend getaway sometime? Just like a mini vacation somewhere relaxing. I think we could both use the break.”

It was a harmless suggestion, but Gwyoko’s attitude changed instantly. His grip grew just a little tighter, and his tail drew Alexys just a little closer against him. He wasn’t looking at Xena with contempt, more like irritation. Such a suggestion made his skin crawl, and although he knew it wasn’t really an appropriate reaction, it occurred out of reflex. Small wisps of steam started puffing from his nose; another physical representation of his annoyance accompanied by a low growl in his throat. His skin started warming up as well, and Alexys picked up on these signs quickly, drawing him closer to give him a few kisses and help him calm down.

When it came to Alexys, Gwyoko didn’t have a lot of self-control. He wanted to hold her, and love her, and protect her. She was the best thing that’d ever happened to him, and he would fight to the death before he’d let anything take that away. He didn’t want to fight Xena or confront her with any action more severe than this. But just hearing the possibility of Alexys being taken away, being removed from his life for more than a couple hours, stoked the fire that raged within him. He knew it wasn’t rational, or kind, or even necessary, but he was still half dragon, and always would be. The good news was that Alexys had experienced this behavior of his a few times already and was more than capable of soothing his nerves and cooling his head.

“I’m sorry,” Gwyoko sighed, directing his apology at Xena. “I didn’t mean to—”

“Don’t give it a second thought,” she replied, waving her hand dismissively. “I know you didn’t mean it. And I also know you can’t really help yourself when it comes to Alexys, can you? I guess that makes sense, since she is your treasure.”

Alexys and Gwyoko blushed in unison, and the half dragon ducked down behind her shoulder. She rubbed one of his horns and combed her fingers through his hair, still attempting to offer him some comfort despite being so flustered herself. Having him around always made her feel so serene, she wanted to make sure she could make him feel that way, too.

Xena’s expression softened as she rested her arm against the couch. “You two really are perfect for each other. It’s kind of wild, considering he came from a whole other dimension. I guess it just goes to show that even boundaries that seem impossible to cross aren’t really that impossible.”

“I’d still say most of it was luck,” Alexys corrected, and Gwyoko nodded his head in agreement. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad things turned out this way. More than glad; I couldn’t be happier. This is probably the most surreal, and most wonderful thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Gwyoko and Xena both knew her words were genuine, and Alexys’s confession stirred a little joy in both of their hearts. Xena was sincerely happy for her friend and would continue to be as long as this was what Alexys really wanted. Gwyoko couldn’t fathom leaving her side, determined to do everything in his power to bring her as much happiness as he possibly could. And Alexys appreciated the fact that she knew such kind people, and had such warm and caring friends. Right now, everything in her life was exactly how she wanted it to be. She couldn’t dream of better people to share it with.

[wizardsnwookies]

TPR062518 - In the Lair of the Reptile God

Fetid water pooled on the old wooden stairs, over time they had swelled and grown soft, becoming slick with moss and lichen. Galumak was careful of his footing as he descended further and further down into the earth. The shadows played against the earthen walls that were always moist, though stable enough to hold the shape of the tunnels and chambers that opened up at the bottom of the stairs.

Four sets of eyes turned to him, glossy and devoid of any kind of spark of life. Quickly he placed two fingers over his heart, and the eyes instantly lost interest in him, turning back to attention by staring forward into nothingness.

“That little trick would have been nice to have in the temple.” Galumak grumbled to himself, thinking back on the onslaught of skeletons that awaited them in an otherwise mundane hallway.

“At least we don’t have to worry about harming any more villagers.” Raam stood almost nose to nose with one of the guards, a young girl with strong arms that gripped a spear so hard the whites of her knuckles almost glowed in the dark. Her eyes stared through him, as if he wasn’t even there.

“Where do we start?” Three tunnels presented themselves, Lash’s enhanced vision peered into the darkness and saw wooden doors, swollen with moisture in all three options. This was far larger a complex than they were expecting. Although, if they were honest with themselves, they weren’t exactly sure what they were expecting. Nagas were only something that were whispered about, spoken of in legends. With the Queen’s presence and influence on the throne not many creatures of such evil and danger showed themselves to the world. With her gone, it seems anything was possible.

The hall to the east was eventually decided upon for no reason in particular other than working in a clockwise fashion seemed a reasonable manner to explore as any. Almost immediately it split off again to the West, leading around a darkened corner.

“So much for this place being straightforward.” Galumak sighed, rounding the corner the path dipped into a stretch of thick mud before rising back to dry ground that terminated with a wooden door.

“Perhaps we should try making a map?” Lash began digging into their pack when Galumak let out a sharp cry. Trudging forward, his foot was barely beneath the surface of the mud puddle when a sharp burning sensation engulfed his entire foot. Pulling the appendage back he found that whatever had taken hold was not mud, it was thicker, more viscous, and of course, it burned like hell. The surface bubbled and broiled, and like oil seeping to the surface of water, a green ooze began to spill out across the surface and writhing like gelatin.

“Kill it, quickly!” Galumak didn’t need to be told twice. He struck out with his mace and splattered the ooze against the earth until it was but a stain on the ground. Lash waited a moment to make sure it was dead before gently brushing the dirt with their fingers. Any acidic properties had seemingly dissipated once dispatched. “You ok?”

“Fine.” The half orc grunted, storming through the mud and grabbing the door knob with a tightened grip. He pulled and wrenched, throwing a shoulder against the door before he noticed the complete lack of hinges. Frustrated, he gave the door a swift kick before turning back to his colleges, hand already reaching for a bottle of wine.

“False door?” Raam didn’t know why he asked, the look on the half-orc’s face was evident enough of the answer.

“I already hate this place.”

---

Turning back to the original hallway lead to what appeared to be lodgings for guards. Four small cells with nothing but wooden slabs for sleeping, and a very modest mess chamber for whatever meager offerings their god decided to “bless” them with. Judging by the smell, this was apparently nothing more than whatever scraps the Troglodytes decided not to finish thrown together in a crude stew. The three pushed further, finding empty storage rooms, and even more forked passages that lead further and further into the maze that was the Naga’s lair. They stopped at a door that had stood out from the rest, marked with a large white “X” pained across it.

“This looks promising.” Raam pushed the door open to a mostly empty chamber, larger than most the ceiling was supported by four columns in the center of the room. The back of the chamber rose up three meters in a slope of loose dirt and gravel leading up to what appeared to be another large opening in the earth. The sweet smell of fresh air wafted in to push away the smell of mud and rot, and sunlight streamed in from a large hole in the ceiling that could just barely be seen over the top of the slope.

“That might be useful, in case we need a quick escape.” Lash stepped further into the room, hoping to get a better look at the hole in the second chamber. They could just see the top of what appeared to be more support columns when a gentle singing drifted into the room.

“You hear that? It’s beautiful...” Raam’s voice was almost a whisper, light and airy. Pushing the other two aside he found himself inexplicably drawn to the room above them. He just had to find what amazing creature had a voice so pure, so gentle.

Galumak and Lash exchanged looks. The song was simple enough, nothing they had heard of personally, and the voice was competent enough. Yet, they would be hard pressed to describe it as “beautiful.” Were they missing something? By now Raam had reached the slop towards the rear of the room, digging his hands into the dirt he began to climb.

“Uh, Raam? Perhaps we should let Galumak check that place out first?” When Raam failed so much as to acknowledge them, panic rose in Lash’s chest. “Galumak, grab him!”

Powerful arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him away just as Raam was about to crest the edge into the upper chamber. The Teifling fought at first, desperately clawing towards the dirt, trying to wrestle his way free. It was useless of course, the strength of one such as his companion could not be broken so easily. It was this single thought of logic that snapped his mind back to reality, a haze he didn’t even know was there, lifting and allowing his mind to clear itself once again.

“What...what happened?” Raam was answered by an anger shriek from above, like a massive bird of prey sounding in the night. At the top of the slope, they could see now that something had made a kind of nest between the columns of the room. Made of planks and branches, glittering gems hung from delicate chains, decorating the nest in a dazzling show of light and color. From the back of the nest a pair of eyes glared daggers at them, a large avian form leaping into the air and beginning an angled descent.

“HARPY!” Lash shouted, already tossing a ball of flame from their palm. The sparks lit up the room, illuminating a pair of hideous talons thrust out in front of the creature, ready to strike out. It angled it’s wings, easily dodging the flame, Raam’s blast of Eldritch power however, was waiting for her.

A puff of smoke and the smell of singed feathers filled their nostrils, the Harpy wailed as it was sent careening back out of control, striking her head upon a column. Somehow, it was able to right itself before hitting the ground. It hovered in place for a moment, getting it’s bearing before swooping in for another attack.

Galumak leaped to the top of the slope, mace in hand and met the creature with a roar. He felt strong talons deflect against his shield, the high pitched screech of hardened keratin against steel sent a chill down his spine. From his left a club fashioned of deadwood and thorns swung at his head, finding only air as he ducked seconds away from a painful collision.

With their heavy hitter engaged, Lash and Raam sent a barrage of magic into the air. Dodging became almost impossible and its wings were losing more and more feathers. But it was the handaxe that dug into her shoulder that forced a retreat. Galumak smiled, his own keen aim continuing to surprise him. He didn’t have time to celebrate. Drawing a shortsword he had found in what appeared to be a dry storage room he readied himself for the next attack.

“Come on big bird, aren’t I the one you want?” Raam had returned to the top of the slope, goading the creature to attack. He wasn’t nearly as heavily armored as the half-orc, and he held no weapons in his hand. It was an easy choice. Screeching, the monstrocity made one final dive, this time heavy club at the ready and aiming for the teifling who dared taunt it.

At the last moment, the Harpy released a sharp gasp and fell silent as the bite of steel cut through its heart. Galumak had stepped to meet her, sword thrust out ahead of him. He didn’t even have to swing, just hold it in place, her momentum did the rest. With life quickly dying in her eyes, the harpy fell limp on Galumak’s shoulder.

“Smart call.” Galumak smiled at Raam, lowering his arm and unceremoniously dumping the dead harpy at his feet.

---

“So? What’d we get?” Raam rolled the scroll he had been examining back up and tucked in in his robes while they walked, Lash watched with eager anticipation, their own pack heavy with gems and jewelry looted from the Harpy’s nest.

“Some fairly high level magic, a Dispel and an Invulnerability spell.” He thought back to the body they had found laying half-eaten on the ground just under one of the wooden posts. “Must have been a mage of some kind. At any rate, these should serve us well. I’m not entirely sure what to expect from this Naga.”

“Galumak, you seem to at least be a little familiar with them.” Lash turned to the half-orc leading the trek through the tunnels. The past few rooms had them somewhat at ease. Empty chambers and more storage. Things were quiet, for the moment.

“Only rumors and myth.” Galumak shrugged. “Many of the outer realm cultures have their own stories about them. Sometimes good, sometimes not so good. Guess we draw the short end of the stick on this one.”

“Good Nagas?” Lash seemed skeptical.

“I think there’s one culture where one of the gods wears a Naga around its neck like some kind of jewelry. One key detail that does keep popping up is treasure. In many myths Naga are either guardians of great treasure, or dwell in the realm of the dead where those who pass into the next life have brought all their treasures with them, making it a land of gold and diamonds.”

“How do you know all this anyways?”

Again, Galumak only shrugged but this time said nothing more. It was a complicated combination of sources for him. Some things he’d heard in passing on his travels, others he read in his tome, still more he’d heard sung in taverns. Knowledge had many sources, if one only opened their mind up to it.

“Any chance you know how to kill one?” Raam chimed in.

“Just like anything else I suppose.” Galumak turned and offered a smile, stopping at a swollen wooden door that blocked their way. Before throwing his shoulder into it he offered on parting shot of knowledge for his companions. “Just don’t look it in the eyes.”

Buy Me a Coffee

[ralfstrashcan]

3x04 Reaction

I apologize in advance. This is long.* But, hopefully worth it.

- Well, Lilith, 

tho I wonder who put those flowers there. Did she go out and buy them to have something to destroy in a fit of rage? It would have been more dramatic if all the ceramics exploded.... on that note, who the hell was that big ass table set for? Certainly not for the disciples. And again, who did that?

- Don't get me wrong, I love that shot with Jace slow walking into the Institute, but it makes no sense. Like, did he really just take half an hour out of his schedule for this? Shouldn't he hurry to save Morgan's DNA or something? And no one of the other Shadowhunters questioned that he was lingering in the hallway? Weird.

- Random Shadowhunter Dude being promoted to Head of Security. My immediate thought: I'm sure he's gonna die before the episode is out and Izzy will get his position lol.

- Also “If you have a minute I'd love to pick your brain.” Does that mean it was Jace's position before RSD got promoted?! So many questions! Tho, if that is true, it is no question at all why Alec appointed someone new, because Jace clearly is the wrongest choice for that job there is. What drug was Alec on to appoint Jace in the first place? (Magnus, probably.)

- RSD just accepting Jace ignoring him means (in my eyes) that Jace acting like an a-hole is a common occurrence. Who's surprised?

- Does that mean Clary has the unique ability to shake Jace out of his Lilith-induced-Trance? If so Lilith really must think the NY Shadowhunters super dumb if she thinks having Jace walking around like a super slow robot won't be noticed..... or she thinks really poorly of Jace's day-to-day socializing skillzZ.

- Okay, sorry, what. Alec clearly (and thankfully, because everything else would be dumb) turns off the intercom

but three shots later in Morgan's cell

Izzy's voice can be heard, distorted, as if coming through the intercom. Just, no. Also, does that mean Izzy already analyzed Morgan's cells and Jace failed? Well. That's what you get for slothing around in the hallway I guess.

- So much Yes for Maia. All the Yesses. Seriously. Honestly, I understand Luke's decision and I'm not saying that with Simon out of the picture the risk for bloody murder (for both Simon and the werewolves) hasn't considerably shrunk. BUT. Trying to argue why this decision was right or good is not okay. Hiding behind 'thousands of years of hate' is not okay. Abdicating your responsibility when you're the leader is not okay.

“And right now, I'm short on both.”

Excuse you, Luke, but if you learn one thing from being discriminated against it's that it is never never NEVER the right time for prejudiced people to change their minds, and those with a closed mind never will, if you wait for them to magically develop an open one. You have to pry it open with a crowbar and shove common sense and decency into it and even then it's probably a loosing battle for a long time and in most cases. Why didn't Luke say (and plan) that this is a temporary arrangement because clearly both Simon and the werewolve's physical integrity is in danger and until he's managed to get the wolves under control it is safer for everyone if Simon stays away. Maia wouldn't have been happy about that, but she experienced first hand how fraught Simon is with the prospect of hurting someone again, so maybe she could have accepted that. What Luke said however, was unacceptable. *sigh* I feel like in every other episode there's one character who draws the short straw and has to act really dumb and out of character to serve plot convenience. Guess it's Luke for this episode. Because what happened to “I just don't want to act until I know exactly what's going on” which was literally a day ago?! But okay, I get it, today is a new day so let's just insinuate that Simon was hurting these people deliberately because yolo. *SIGH* Conclusion: “I'm all for change” weeeell I liked the “I'm all for effort” line better. Just sayin'.

- lol the subtitle's just told me that the Blood Donation Guy is called Leo.

Seriously, how do they know these things?!

- I like that Kyle guy already but with every new character that I like I'm sensing imminent and terrible betrayal. Sebastian/Jonathan traumatized me, because even though I knew he was evil (because books.... like, the books CC wrote, not the ones in his apartment........) he was so nice and likable at the beginning :/

- I get the feeling Alec summoned Clary just to squeeze information out of her so I don't get why he didn't squeeze more forcefully because I have no doubt that he knows she is lying to his face. Also, I'm slowly getting the impression that being the Head of the Institute is a glorified title for ordering Jace, Izzy and Clary around or tapping aimlessly on a tablet.

- Oh my God bribing with a guitar I definitely like that Kyle guy! And I feel like he and Simon would make great friends and Simon so deserves a great friend who's not part of the Shadow World Madness because honestly I think he really misses mundaneaty.... mundaneness?... mundation.

- So Jace has a piano in his room.

Seriously, who paid for that. And I guess his grand piano (from 2x14)

is in his personal music room. Do they have drums, too, somewhere? A band called Rock Solid Institute? So many questions......!!!!11

- Who lit all the candles in Jace's room? The same person that lit all the candles in Lilith's home? Is that a subtle indication of kinship I need answers!!!

To appreciate his epic slow walk because nobody else did. Duh, Alec.

- Annnnnd once again we have a prime example of Jace snapping at Alec for no good reason other than that he is shit at communicating his feelings. I'm not bitter. Not one freakin' bit. (I am.) Then again, denial and lashing out at people in a time of desperation is something Alec does, too, occasionally, so there's that.

Are you shitting me right now, Clary? The sad part is, I don't think you are. Way to guilt-trip-talk Izzy into something she clearly doesn't want and deny her self-reflection in one go. Well done. Because clearly Izzy is the type of person that doesn't really know what she wants and doesn't understand herself. *epic eye roll* Does Clary even know her at all.

THE BEST

Maia is one ice cold lady. Tho I don't approve of her just steamrolling over Simon's very real concerns. You would think one of her pack mates possibly receiving life long paraplegia because of what the Seelie Queen did to Simon would make her a li'l more sensitive to the topic.

- I'm not gonna lie, I liked that scene with Luke and Jace because that's one really interesting dynamic but Jace could have easily gotten that info looking into the medic file. The length he goes to to avoid reading is really astounding. That's what I call commitment. If only he was as committed to being honest with his parabatai but whatever. Also, don't think I missed that cheap, cheap set up

for more Clace dependency instead of Jalec dependency. What is even the point of parabatai if you trust your significant other more in a time of need? I thought the whole purpose of parabatai is that this is the very first person you go to when you have a problem? But maybe I got that wrong?!

- Oh dear. I'm only now realizing that Heidi is that girl from 2x15. The show caught me off guard there, showing long term consequences for something that happened more than three episodes ago. I'm so slow on the uptake sometimes.

- Raphael to the rescue.... or not. Having his own weapons turned against him... ouch. For all her deranged behavior Heidi is clever. What a dangerous combination, I can't wait to see more. ........also now I fear for Kyle. What if he gets caught in the crossfire when Heidi comes for Simon? If he gets killed off in this episode I will be inconsolable.

- Suspiciously disappearing limp is suspicious. So if Kyle is a Downworlder he's probably a werewolf? Accelerated healing? But then he must have smelled Simon was a Vampire, right? No need for sneaking around each other? He can't be a Vampire himself because daytime, and I don't think I saw his ears so far but he seems very un-Seelie (unseemly ahahahahaa sorry but I'm not even sorry for this craptastic pun). So, ah, warlock? Do they have better healing? *facepalm* They have magic. Okay, yeah. He could be a warlock. That'd be super cool. I dig that. That'll be my head canon for how he escapes his untimely demise should Heidi get to him. Made an illusion, slipped through a portal. Kyle is safe, yesssss.

Oh my god I would pay so much money to see that. Also, notice how Magnus knows what Alec has and hasn't eaten all day even though they just see each other in the evening? I'm just leaving that here. Still waiting for them to hug, tho. It's Episode 4 already, seriously, what are they waiting for.

Yeah, to a person that has no respect for personal boundaries. And you don't even get to play the Drew-The-Shortest-Straw-This-Episode-Card, Clary, because you're always like this.

Oh, I don't know, maybe that dysfunctional addiction thing had something to do with it. But that's just a guess. What do I know. Also, if this is the start of a conversation where Izzy ''realizes'' that she's ''over Raphael'' and needs to ''start opening up'' to that dumb hospital dude then I'm gonna be so angry. And yes, those were a lot of air quotes. You really don't want to enforce the myth that when a woman ignores you and says no it really means yes, she just doesn't know it yet, because feelings, they're so confusing, how should a girl deal????? Just.... no.

Thank god. Dodged a bullet there. Also, all of a sudden Clary can accept Izzy's judgment of her own feelings. Why oh why.

He’s.... undead? Haha.

- Oh Raphael, what have you done. Very relatable though. I love ambiguity, it makes a character all that more human and gives him depth. It was wonderfully done here, with very few words. Also, I know what I'd love to see happen. Clary turning Raphael into a Daylighter as a last measure to save him (because from the promo I know Izzy and Clary end up there trying to save him). Worst Case Scenario: Raphael dies tragically just after Izzy decided to maybe give them a shot again. That would be really intolerable. And of course then Izzy would have to comfort herself with that dumb hospital dude. Yikes. Kidding. Even if Raphael died I don't believe she'd do that.

- Jace. Even with that Strength Rune activated it would be excruciatingly painful to rip off a necklace that thick.

What is wrong with you. (Dianna Agron: A lot.)

Oh my god thank you for that completely random totally not stiff sounding exposé of your actions, Lilith. Great work. And.... why is she surprised? This can't be the first time Jace broke free of her order. The mundane killings have been going on for a week now. Jace must have checked it at least once every day at the Institute and he and Clary touch plenty. So why exactly did it take her seven re-orderings to notice she had to re-order him once in a while? Because plot, that's why!! Edit: Okay, I think I understand it now. While Jace is awake the order is dormant and can't be broken. When Clary touched Jace earlier she didn't only wake him from his trance, she broke the order completely, so Jace wouldn't have become the demon again had he fallen asleep. Okay, great, everything figured out. Except...... why the hell didn't the order break the first time when she touched him while he was Owling Out during the fight in 3x03? (Sidenote: Does that mean Jace fell asleep while he was supposed to be monitoring Morgan? Lol? That poor guy is seriously sleep-deprived.) They were pretty close, he choked her and everything. Or does it only count if she touches him, not when he touches her? Seems pretty pedantic to me. Of course it would have kinda ruined the whole Season if Clary resolved The Drama in Episode 3 already, before we even learned that Jace is in fact the goblin-faced demon. So my thesis “Because plot, that's why!!” still holds. Also Lilith and Luke should start a Club promoting Clace dependency. *eye roll*

Because when Jace is asleep he......... loves Clary less. Makes perfect sense!

- What the hell, that with the “He’s.... undead? Haha.” was a joke are you kidding me?? There was a Haha at the end and everything. (Jackson would be so proud of me.)

- Oh no that new Leo Vampire is not gonna bite Izzy and then she'll have a relapse, right? That would be terrible!!

- Okay, so I totally dig Clary and Izzy fighting together, but.......

But I'll spare you my tirade** on that because it would go on forever.

- Why does the sun rise so freakin' quickly that's not normal. Again, poor Raphael. And so relatable. I'm really excited for this plot line, because Izzy definitely sensed that there was something up.

- Aaaaaand we're back to slow walking Owl!Jace. Seriously if he just sped up he would get that much more done. I'm re-dubbing him Sloth!Jace. Also I don't understand what the point of killing Morgan was. Really. Her corpse can still be examined by Magnus, so clues about Lilith can still be gathered, and with a broken neck she won't be able to serve as a disciple. I'm severely tempted to re-dub you Dumb!Sloth!Jace.

Damn Magnus, what a freakin' fine jacket you're wearing!

Also, who tends to the ivy vines?! Can you even reach them? Is there a Shadowhunter whose sole purpose it is to garden all day? Interior Plant Design?

This face clearly says, “It is never just a glitch.”

- Morgan pulled a Surprise!-Not-dead! and as a confirmed Sherlock fan I can appreciate this.

- Also I may have judged Sloth!Jace too fast and I'm sorry for that. I'll credit his intelligence by re-dubbing him Clever!Sloth!Jace.

- So this is where my excitement gets me.

Ouch. I'll need some time to process that. But, perfect scene, perfect acting, both very relatable and that's why I'm torn inside and I love it.

- Okay whaaaaaaaaat. First I wanted to rehabilitate Luke because it seemed like he orchestrated this whole bike accident so Simon could get a cool new home but “Simon Lewis belongs to the Praetor now” sounds very ominous, as if Luke had sold off Simon's soul. And I mean that apartment is very nice, but there are limits. So I'm reserving judgment on this. Still, the Imminent-And-Terrible-Betrayal-Senses are tingling. I knew Kyle was too good to be true. Dammit. I so wished that Simon could have a cool mundane warlock friend </3

I hate and love this cliffhanger in equal measure.

Edit: I read some posts about why the hell Magnus didn’t notice he was standing in front of a greater demon. My guess would be that Lilith is able to shield her magic or aura or whatever, so it’s not Magnus’s fault.

And now...... I just have to endure until next week. Dammit.

*This got so long because I wrote it while watching, so obviously I had to pause every five seconds to put down my delightful thoughts. That’s the reason why I change my mind on some things throughout the comment.

**I ended up writing that tirade after all. Click here if you’re interested.

(Gif Source. The rest is mine.)

[lazcht]

Contemplations

...of aging, and the year of 2017

Hey, it’s been such a long time I haven’t write a long (and personal) blog so pardon my (even more) rusty writing skill--phrasings and poor vocabulary. 

Well. I’ve been thinking to share some of my thoughts to the internet concerning...age. 

26th of September is my birthday. Actually this is the last year I’ll be in 20s, haha. Lately (at least among my friends) it’s so familiar to hear “It feels like I was graduating school yesterday damn it.”

Is birthday really matter?

Nah it’s just a calendar--day, week, month, year, time system made by humans as a system to measure how long we’ve been here, on earth. I don’t feel really connect with the concept to celebrate anniversaries exactly by “time”. It works more as reminders, a trigger to notice myself to contemplate, evaluate, and plan. 

Should I be happy? Hmm. Celebration, eating fancy, wonderful wishes, surprises, gifts, are bonus. I might be taking them for granted actually, (I feel bad for that) but I kinda feel it’s not a necessary thing to have on a birthday. Though my birthdays have been so great since I was little, so in my mind, a birthday is always been a good and fun association. 

Except, when I was reaching 20... my anxiety about stuff arose, maybe this time is the same. I’m about to hit 3rd checkmark of 10 years of milestone. So it’s a lie if I say, that aging doesn’t matters at all.

I feel so grateful that I’m always surrounded with kind people who care about things I love, my well-being, or my future, or simply all people that accept my presence on their lives. So thank you for all wishes and gifts... Though I can’t promise anything in return.

Suddenly I remembered...

My mood was not really good lately. I’m thinking about lot of stuff. Frustrated, anxious, worried(?), and a little bit pessimistic. Why, I wonder?

I’ve been thinking, what’s the difference, and how I’ve been changing from 10 years ago; the teen me, to I am now. So here are my personal conflicts.

1. First of all, the easiest thing to notice, is my physical body. 

Back then, recovery was fast, good stamina, and a body that didn’t go sick although I didn’t put so much attention in it. I could ate stuff sloppily, hygiene doesn’t stop me from doing what I want, sleep deprivation didn’t matter as much, pollution didn’t really affect my respiratory system, bad posture didn’t get me strains or sores, lack of exercising also less punishing. Waking up motivated and energized.

Now... well, I’ve been trying to wake up not feeling bad, and go to sleep with a good posture so I don’t feel like shit the next day. 

Allergies such as dust, smoke, (my own) sweat, water (on my scalp) are easily triggered these days. I dunno if the environment here getting so much worse (well, it’s a capital city of Indonesia, Jakarta), or just my body can’t cope up with my old lifestyle.

After I get the feeling of living in a weak dying body previous years, being unproductive, unmotivated and low at energy, mood-swing, stressed and getting the feeling of “decaying”, having atrophic and useless muscles; I figured it was because I lack of self-care. I feel that can’t ignore this shit anymore, before it’s getting far too late.

2. Mindset & interests.

The more I think, I noticed maybe the biggest difference between me 10-20 years ago with me right now, is the optimism level LMAO.

In junior high school days, to 20+ ish, I kinda have faith that someday (perhaps in 5-10 years) I might be able to become famous, or having decent money flow. I felt that I was a genius compared to people my age, haha well I had a narrow social circle. As I grow older, things become difficult (actually prolly I was just underestimated lot of stuff back then?). Having more knowledge makes me think that I know nothing about this world, this industry I work in, about what’s work and what’s not, about this life.

I used to have strong feel of justice or moral compass that’s quite firm. I could really simply say that doing A is plainly wrong and doing B is absolutely right. As I grow older, learning so much stuff (from experience, or fiction stories I consume), knowing so much people with their insight from cultural, religion aspect, things are not as simple. I faced lot of turning point couple of years lately.

I used to have interest in drawings, my capability to draw something, but not about reading, or listening about things that inspire. My dream was to become an animator or comic artist, later on I was only interested in the drawing process, the result, but not the story. Maybe that’s why I’m comfortable in joining other’s project rather than doing my own.

I consumed things that only makes me able to create what people told me to, but not “nutrients” for my ability to conceptualize and inspire, to deliver message. In 7++ years of my career, I deliver nothing, just work, ego "masturbating”, fun and money. Not so long ago, I noticed I that I should change my direction. That I had to make impact, or at least, a lasting impression, stuff that people could think about. 

I focus less in technique, and think more about purpose, idea, vision. Things that only I, can deliver it (still looking). Things that are more personal and close to my identity.

3. Family condition.

Not only me that gets older. Parents, partner, sibling and other relatives are also getting old. Not to mention the economy and how industry, business trends flows by. 

Economically, my family is currently going downwards. Parent’s not as healthy as they were 5~10 years ago. Good thing they’re still lively, active, able-bodied to still go traveling actually. They simply can’t work continuously, hence eventually, incomes are scarcer. Bills getting higher each year, or even months. They don’t demand retirement (thanks to them), but I feel they’re thinking we (their children) are not ready to take full responsibility of paying all of household needs. But luckily enough, our family didn’t have any debt. Yet I could use steady income to cover us, as soon as possible.

Psychologically, parents are more into games now (I’m so glad lol), and they’re still quite sharp to pick out hoaxes though there are lot of random Whatsapp videos or articles they share with the old folks. Overall, still good but long term-wise, I’m quite pessimistic.

4. Spiritual side, ego, myself.

It’s getting harder to reach a clear mind nowadays, just a moment to meditate and let my mind sit calmly, silently. I guess I’m now getting even more drowned into the “Lazcht” ego. I feel the need to work hard, but only to serve the “me”. How about afterlife thoughts, awareness, mindfulness? I know I need more mind exercise, but there we are, too busy being involved into mundane stuff haha.

Love life, it’s hard to describe but now I feel like I can control better of my own possessiveness, to think that love is about giving, having a big heart, and letting go. Breakup? Nope, but as a formerly monogamous person, I’m currently having a polyamorous partner. We had been seeing the differences as our biggest obstacle on continuing the relationship, and I was trying to make myself adapt and change to compromise, but now, we decided to see and experience love with our own “style”. It works for now, tho, we don’t know for how long. :’)

Insecurity changed and taught me a lot of life lesson. Back then I’d never care much about my body image, upgrading wardrobe and so on. Lately I also feeling anxious again about my gender issue. The urge to transition (I’m a trans FYI) is getting stronger, but meh... I’m broke, so not now. :(

What do i do then?

1. Physical aspect: workout, regular outing, drink more water, body-awareness, and keeping good habit. 

Latest one is hardest, because of my zero-discipline. For people who has similar issue with mine, easiest way I find is to bathe regularly, at least once a day would make my day better. Maintaining room’s sanitary is also excellent method to wake up feeling great. Recently I bought an air purifier, vacuum regularly, and it worked nicely.

I once find using a scheduler app with fixed wake up time, eating, working, etc makes me feel better and content, then again it’s hard to keep it on long-term. 

2. Nutrients for brain: watch or read more interesting and recommended stuff, explore, make new friends or be in a new circle. 

I also feel that it’s necessary to learn languages, especially Japanese, I feel like someday I’ll really make use of them.

Probably planting is also a way to refresh mind and soul. I really hope to learn on cultivating vegetables, or just herbs if it’s easier haha.

3. Economy and family matter: can’t do much for this actually, except doing my best on my work and keeping healthy relationships. 

I really hope I can make them go travel somewhere else beautiful, since their mindset always like “we wouldn’t afford that much.” or “it’s not worth it.” well, perhaps they’re not into it but I just don’t want they can’t afford to spend money on something they love.

Hopefully I can find a good way to improve my economy without too much sacrificing important things.

4. Myself as me: I... just hope to improve, or perhaps become slightly more famous as an artist or gamedev person lol. Most of all, I just want to love myself more, and be content with my own self. Also hopefully I’ll become more useful to others, on anything. I wish I can optimize myself because... too much burnout (physical or social). If anyone notice that sometimes I don’t appear anywhere or rarely seen, that’s not necessarily that I hate being with you guys, mostly it’s because I need my space and time.

Ideally, I want to go to more convention events, overseas, selling my own stuff (or with circle), get in touch with amazing people. Or simply maintain good relations with people around me (not just physically ofc) right now. You guys are good friends. 

Okay that’s enough, I think I can count this as my prayer because I don’t usually “pray”. Forgive me for my wrongdoing (or let me know?) and thanks for being here with me. May universe get along well with everyone and hear our wishes! :)

~Lazcht, 29 Y.O.

[tumbling-down-tumbling-down]

A Transcription of the Late 1st Era Tele-Memetic Artifact “M.N. Captain Nero’s Adventures through Oblivi-Space!!, Vol. 17”

Transcriptor’s Note: One of the great pitfalls of modern academia’s myopic fascination with relics from great tombs and Ayleid ruins is that it tends to find a lot of incandescent crystals glowing every color of the rainbow that ironically shed virtually no light on how people of the past actually lived. While my colleagues at the I.C.A.U. were busy announcing what Dwemer outpost they’re going to spend the entire yearly budget (and probably a few graduate student souls) exploring, I just happened to look into my sweet neighbor Dynatia Geelteus’s request about a small cache of old artifacts workers found while excavating to expand her shop’s basement.

Who would have guessed that while we scrape the bottom of the barrel to plunder every single crypt for the last few legendary maces of +10 stamina damage, the real cultural treasures have been here all along, moldering beneath the ground of our city that’s been continuously inhabited by man and mer for at least 5,000 years. But by all means, don’t take my grant proposals.

—

This artifact appears to be a piece of entertainment or propganda of an unknown format. The physical object is two smooth translucent disks that can freely rotate around a single axis, apparently intersecting in physical space but able to pass through each other freely. Each disk individually is covered in Remen-era proto-Cyrodiilic text which this researcher is not fluent in. Nonetheless, when focusing not on the individual disks but instead the system as a whole, one is somehow able to pick out and resolve the competing overlapping fragments into clear meaning and even full color images.

Since this style of pictorial dissemination has been lost to time, this scholar will merely have to transcribe the language and events into mundane text for publication. Originally an artist was commissioned to recreate the images for closer inspection, but for some reason this style of tele-memetic transmission resists such replication. The images flee from the mind like fragments of an interrupted dream the moment a brush touches canvas. Until further investigation, it is unclear whether this is due to the metaphysics of observing a message through conflicting constituent aspects or if it’s some type of copy protection.

Humbly and respectfully, Ashei Tigonus Sr. Professor of Tamrielic History Imperial City Arcane University, 4E194

​

Transcription: “M.N. Captain Nero’s Adventures through Oblivi-Space!!, Vol. 17”

[A tall dark structure lies suspended high above the twin planets Zenithar and Mara. Three figures drift towards it, all decked out in full mundane-simulacrum frames of imperial mothsilk1 — a near-necessity for all but the most tenacious mortals in the interplanar stretches of oblivion. The wingcloaks of the suits flap slowly, propelling them forward and giving off gentle fuchsia pulses with each beat. In the background behind the three figures is an enormous moth imperator. The behemoth floats lackadaisically in the void, sunning the hanging gardens in its wings and the silver cathedral built into its back with the rays of distant Magnus.

Four title cards: “FIRST MATE YAL BOETH,” “CENTURION CLAI DUNLAIN,” and “BURGLAR XEIRSAAR” appear on the silhouetted figures. “THE N.V.N. MYRRHMIDON” names the far-off moth.]

YAL — “Remember: this warp-spire has been allegedly abandoned, but that just means there are no Alinori soldiers in there. These empty things have a tendency to accumulate all sorts of riff-raff, fugitives, and Khajiit before the last sunbird is even out of sight.”

XEIRSAAR — “I once found a grounded Akaviri cloud litter on the fourth ring of Kynareth. It was a tiny thing, no bigger than a large hut. And yet, when my egg-brother cracked open the hatch no less than six kaoc Khajiit shot out and scattered to the winds.

[Clai laughs as the party reaches the surface of the spire. Xeirsaar pulls out a small set of tools and gets to work on removing a silver plate from the surface while the others wait.]

XEIRSAAR — “I tried to grab one but they were the small quick ones that seem to squirm out of your reach before you’ve even considered moving your arm. We got the last laugh though. All the original Akaviri artifacts had been stripped away, but inside the Khajiit left behind a 10,000 drake cache of moon sugar — ahh, here we go.”

[The armored plate pops out of place and Xeirsaar spins it like a discus out into the void. Clai draws her catalyst staff and drops into the exposed hole. After a few seconds the others slide in after her.

The party emerges from the ground of a huge cylindrical colony with livable space wrapped around the spinning inner surface. The habitat environment looks it was plucked right out of the Alinor countryside — well-trimmed gardens filled with fountains and flowering trees blanket the gently rolling hills, soaring prismatic palaces shimmering in the artificial noon-light dot the landscape, birds flit to and fro among the trees and wheel through the expansive central sky. The crew removes their bulbous M.-S.F. helmets.]

CLAI, letting out a slow whistle — “Woah. Nice place. And the Dominion abandoned it? Why in Mundus would they do that?”

YAL — “Uhh, I know the high elves have strange architecture, but I’m pretty sure that one wasn’t built that way.”

[Yal points to one of the palaces behind the crew which is significantly shorter than the others. Rather than coming to an elegant peak, the blunted top is ragged and gashed, with chunks of shattered crystal and steel strewn all around the yard. Several trees on the surrounding hills appear to have been wrenched up by their roots and more deep gashes can be seen in the gardens themselves.

All at once birds from the surrounding area all take flight at once and stream away from the ruined mansion as a low hum begins to emanate from it.]

CLAI — “That’s probably not a good sign.”

??? — “MEANWHILE, BACK ON THE MYRRHMIDON…”

[Two title cards: “CAPTAIN NERO” and “CHIEF CARTOGRAPHER GAILIEL.” Gailiel is lying on her back in the glass-roofed observatory when Nero swings open the door and strides in. The top of the panel shows the canopy of brilliant stars speckled across the void of oblivion.]

NERO — “Hey Gail. Looking for something?”

GAILIEL — “There are 1,007 other known Magna-Ge tears out there. Who knows how many have their own system? Their own planets?”

NERO — “Surely only the Star of Magnus is great enough to sustain worlds. Our manometer measures the minor tears’ power at a thousandth of a thousandth of a thousandth as strong. They’re tiny compared to the sun.”

GAILIEL, breathlessly — “I’ve been thinking about this ⁠— that might merely be a matter of perspective. The Bosmer of my old homeland worship Y’ffre chief among all gods, while you Alessians relegate her to barely a footnote as merely one of the Earth-Bones. Perhaps the inhabitants of a sub-planet of Thief-IV have done the same with Magnus, and venerate their own king tear of the Magna-Ge instead.”

NERO — “That’s an interesting hypothesis, so where’s your proof?”

GAILIEL, exasperated — “Well surely that’s what explorers like us are for. Until we try, who would know?”

[Gailiel stands up and looks at Nero for the first time.]

GAILIEL — “Sorry. That’s why I’ve been so frustrated with our orders to set back for Tatterdemalion. I just want to push forward, not retrace paths that a dozen mananauts have tread before.”

[Nero smirks mischievously and pulls a two-disk tele-memetic device out of his pocket.]

NERO — “Oh these orders? The ones I read conspicuously aloud to everyone in front of that ‘merchant’ sunbird on Dibella?”

[Gailiel catches on and grins back in return while Nero crushes the disks with one hand.]

NERO — “Oh don’t worry, as soon as the exploration team gets back I have a much more interesting destination in mind…”

??? — “WILL YAL’S AWAY PARTY ESCAPE THE DANGER? TUNE IN NEXT VOLUME TO SEE THE INTREPID CREW OF THE MYRRHMIDON’S NEXT GRAND ADVENTURE!”

??? — “Bonus section: On this volume of ‘Meet the Crew!!’”

[Title card: “CHIEF META-ENTOMOLOGIST OCTAVIA OCTA’VO”

A young Cyrodiilic woman stands confidently, holding a butterfly net leaning across her shoulders with one hand and presenting a sealed glass jar with a silver-green moth inside with the other.]

??? — “Octavia is in charge of tending to the needs of ALTRRUHN, the moth imperator that serves as the foundation of the Myrrhmidon2. While the species doesn’t require mundane food or drink, its wings need to be continuously checked for voidmites or the dreaded silk shalks that have brought down multiple N.V.N. mothships.

When the crew makes landfall, Octavia keeps the Myrrhmidon in an chronoglass — a jar blown by the famed Glass-shouters Guild of Windhelm. The Nords say that Kyne’s breath fills the glass so uniformly that not even Akatosh has room to get in. Storing the Myrrhmidon inside will keep ALTRRUHN in near-perfect unaging stasis — important since moth imperators are hard to find, even harder to train, and don’t tend to live a particularly long time.”

??? — “THAT’S ALL THIS WEEK. CHECK BACK IN VOL. 18 TO MEET HELMSMAN ZYKLOHS!”

​

Transcription endnotes: 1 To see a rare surviving M.-S. frame from the era in person, contact Professor Hlov Gateri at the Imperial City Arcane University who regularly displays one from his private collection in his office. He’d love to talk to anyone who’s interested about the Remen-era New Void Navy.

2 The Elder Council Public Archives keep records of every known moth imperator of the first, second, and early third eras and ALTRRUHN is not on the list. The existence of other places, events, and individuals listed in the text is harder to ascertain, since many of those records are still held in confidence by the Royal Imperial Mananauts and are never disclosed publicly.

[sanguinesprout]

Therapy/Counselling Diary #7 (plus some small but heartening accomplishments and a few other little frustrations)

Hmm... hmm... it’s hard to say how I’m feeling right now, a strange cocktail of refreshing see sawing determination with a little kick of spicy proudness mingled in with the usual bitterness of overhanging doubt and the chill of all those nerve-wracking fears. Tastes pretty terrible, probably an acquired taste, but unique non the less. I’m no expert at all, but I’ll give it a generous 2.3 stars overall.

Last week was... it was not so bad actually (or maybe that’s just cause I’ve forgotten a lot of it already lol). I pushed myself to try harder to do some of the things my counsellor wanted me to do, what I myself wanted to do and le gasp, it happened..! I guess her hard talk really did stir something good in me after all. To put it real brief right here for now, I went out a lot more than I usually would (just mundane stuff like shopping and supermarkets tho) and I did the phone orders thing!!!1! Not once but multiple times over three days! Yaaay! But this week I need to continue it and even one up it... boooo-- uh, I mean go me!! @w@

There were times I totally copped out though and it feels bad man as usual, but I at least tried and I was able to prove some of my presumptions and preconceived thoughts mostly wrong! It’s something! It’s a big step, an accomplishment for me, don’t downplay it silly me! *pats self on back and proceeds to go in hiding again- no no!* This week is already feeling a little bleak but I just have to toast it up a little, let myself get cosy in this newer environment by just being there and exposing myself to it more. C’mon, I can do it! ^^

Okay onto the actual counselling session, which was yesterday. I literally only just made it on time, phew haha. I was a little anxious going up to the room cause there were some other people around in the corridor but w/e no1currs really and that goes for every other situation everywhere else. When you’re absorbed and focused in what you’re doing like other people are and not constantly looking around and assuming people give a damn (which they don’t) then it’s all good!

Um, anyways she did the typical ‘how are you/have you been’ and I gave her my weekly self scoring sheet but also I told her I forgot to give her that self esteem sheet and presented that too. I told her of my achievements last week and she congratulated me, told me I needed to pat myself on the back more and that she’s glad last week actually helped get me off my butt (she said she felt kinda bad about it too, but not so much now that she saw it had a good effect kind of thing too ^^). I agree last week did help, though I definitely wouldn’t wanna go through that again though lol.

We went over the cycle from before real briefly just as a reminder that actually doing things is the best way to break it and to progress and I have this homework sheet consisting of a table with columns for my preconceived thoughts of a situation (which I am to score with a percentage I believe it), my emotions and feelings that arise, and my uhh re-scores and feelings after actually facing and going through the situation. I haven’t actually looked at the sheet since yesterday so I totally winged the explanation just then lol but it’s about linking thoughts and emotions and that’s pretty much the gist of it. I’m kinda nervous about filling it in and I’m leaving it to the end of the week to do it, which is bad, but I’ll at least know what to put in it better by then hopefully.

We went over some of the things I wrote on the self esteem sheet, some of my examples for the unhelpful negative behaviours and we discussed them for a while but only got through a few. She said she’d go over the other ones next time, we agreed I should continue to do what I did last week but maybe try even harder. (There’s lots of small details in the discussions which I can’t remember properly or can’t place in the right time slot rn oh welp ><”)

Then the session ended there (15 mins early) idk why though. But now that I think about it, maybe there was nothing else left to say or not much plan or other things needed to discuss in particular for the last 3 sessions so maybe just try and stretch what content we have on hand to discuss kind of thing? Or maybe she needed to go somewhere like the toilet? lol who knows xD 

I was feeling the session felt pretty short (my explanation also), but wasn’t all that bothered about it tbh, I’m not paying for it or anything and it gave me a little time to do other stuff before meeting with my sis. I plucked up the courage to go to a shop on my own again, I had a few things in mind that I actually wanted to look for which like the counsellor has said before will make it easier to motivate and immerse myself into doing things. I think I might write about this experience on the feelings-thoughts sheet. 

So, I went in, a little uneasy at first, but not as much as if it would have been a place I’ve never stepped foot into before. I perused at my leisure and tried my hardest not to be overly conscious of other people around, which I noted to myself do actually going about their own stuff and don’t pay you any mind at all which lessened the nerves a lot. I found some things I wanted, and this was another relief as I always get that niggling feeling that if I leave without buying they’ll think I stole something (but looking around the internets randomly, I came to know that this is a super common feeling which is comforting and I shouldn’t worry about it too much because so what if I didn’t buy anything, I just couldn’t find anything I wanted and that is totally fine!).

Partway in the last leg of my perusing, my sis phoned me and told me to hurry up and all that stuff and it kinda made me feel real antsy. I continued looking though at a slightly faster pace but she ended up calling outside and told me to hurry up even more and was waiting for me outside so I cut my browsing short and hurried to pay and felt pretty down about it. When paying I queued up behind a group of guys and felt self-conscious but well, they no care really and I got over it and ignored the thought. 

I went to the self serve till (the only kind open, so I wasn’t avoiding or anything) and proceeded to pay and I’m so glad I know how to use them as we use them most of the time my sis goes to the supermarket with me lol but I still was feeling pretty self-conscious and the ‘unexpected item in bagging area’ still gives me nerves and it happened twice to me but the assistant came over and fixed it straight away without me saying anything (which was a relief because I was feeling a little cowardly by then, but I would’ve been a little prouder of myself for actually asking).

I went with my sis to some other shops after that, I voiced that she was being quite mean on the phone and later she apologised, she was in a pretty bad mood in general and also the car park time wasn’t much and most of the bad feeling was dissolved. We then went to some other other shops with my mum in addition and I went off on my own to peruse which was nice though I couldn’t find anything I wanted, but it’s best not to waste monies on things I don’t need anyways. I got kind of sickly on the way home which wasn’t great but the general day was pretty alright.

There was somewhere else I wanted to go and me and my sis planned to go soon after but it was delayed and later I just kind of chickened out and took a nap instead :/ I was really tired and still sickly feeling though. I hope to get this sorted out this week still though, maybe I’ll tag along with my parents this time round, it’ll be okay! ^^

I also went to see a specialist doctor, I got a phone call for the appointment two days before the actual day (probably someone else cancelled) and I took it. I could’ve said no and waited even longer, but I didn’t, because health is important and should be dealt with asap! I wish I could bring myself to apply this to some of my other worries, but I’ll get there. Anyways it went alright, the typical general treatment route, but at least it’s something, now I’m waiting on my regular doc for the next steps. 

The kind of funny thing is though (in reference to my last post or maybe the one before it), is that I have been recommended to take anti-depressants (BUT not for depression) they happen to help with migraines and oversensitivity which affects me all the time pretty much. A lot of medicines help with other conditions they were not primarily made for, I only realised this in the recent years lol. I’m a little wary and I’m hoping that it’ll help, maybe even kill two birds with one stone, but if it doesn’t then oh welp and onto the next thing they recommend. I want to get better every way I can and there’s no harm trying (except maybe side effects ugh) it’s just the stigma thing again, it’s... complicated .__. But it’ll be okay!

In terms of my own art and online dabblings, I actually spent two of the days I did phone orders doodling and editing stuff a little. I wasn’t really going to draw anything seriously but my non serious doodle started off pretty alright and I continued it and finished it, which I kind of felt proud of as usually I start things and never finish them because I get scared to mess it up or think it’s not good enough. It has its flaws of course, I’m such a nit picky person and I know I need to improve, but looking past these things, I really like what I did and am glad I persevered and completed it.

I also tried posting something online, not on here, but I actually did it for once at least! It was nothing amazing, in fact it was really really lame, just a scrawl from another time but I still like it and that’s all that matters, right? Right! I was really struggling over what to write in the descriptions (much like how I spend ages agonising over writing comments) and still keep feeling iffy about what I wrote but it’s actually all fine, so I should stop worrying about it! Hear that silly me? Don’t fret and don’t regret, it’s fine so keep going! :D

Some people (very few) even liked my picture and one person even commented some thumbs up emojis. It’s really nice of them ;w; I don’t think they were bots and I looked at their pages too. The person that commented has a page full of beautiful art and idk I just felt like omg ahhhh they’re so much more amazing then me and super intimidated and wasn’t sure what to do about the comment and still haven’t done anything and it’s been a few days .__.

They probably like loads of peoples stuff though, and also there’s no obligation to have to like their stuff back (though I have a feeling that’s probably why they liked my awful doodle in the first place, to draw attention to their own page, but I shouldn’t assume, that’s bad, maybe they really thought my doodle was okay and kindly wanted to encourage, who knows). I think maybe I’ll like the comment at least, I don’t want to be rude >< I’m just scared that if I do go and like their stuff, I’ll feel obligated to always do it kind of thing, I’m still just so scared of interacting with people (also this person doesn’t speak english it seems and language barriers are my death, but this person didn’t mind it, so uh uh wait I’m being such a baby again ;____;)

I’m seriously overthinking things way too much again!! I get this feeling when I think of people that may have taken their time to read my posts or even the few people that have liked a post or two. I’m seriously very very grateful and would hug you if I could but I don’t know what to do from then and it just keeps swirling and nagging me inside and I’m so sorry >< Overthinking and social awkwardness will surely be the death of me. I need to stop all the uncertainty and what ifs and silly assumptions and just do what I feel! Why is it so hard..? ;^;

I actually got so scared I didn’t post the next small doodle I wanted to, but I need to get over it and just get it done and continue and post the things I’ve really really been wanting to post for months. No one actually cares about all the silly things I think they do, I can’t read minds and I can’t go one thinking that I can. The same for just people in general irl. I was actually a little proud that I was so self-conscious out in public as much recently, that I noticed people are too busy in their own world and that I’m silly for thinking they would expend the brain energy to linger on me negatively. Another mantra sort of thing I’ve been thinking is ‘IDGAF (and no one else does)’ lolol for reals, but it seems to be pretty effective so imma keep it! :>

Losing motivation and becoming disheartened is so easy. I’m going to continue small and simple and build up from there in every aspect and it’ll get easier and I’m gonna keep my grip real tight on that motivation and determination and soak in all my accomplishments no matter how small or insignificant they seem and convert them into even more positive energy! Imma do things!! Imma do lots of things and not get mad at myself even if I don’t manage to do some of them! Baby steps is the way to go! c:

Like always I get a bit apprehensive when writing these or even thinking of doing so, but they are actually very useful! I can sift through and explore my thoughts better now and I can help re-motivate and re-direction myself with them and I even think my writing and expression in general has gotten better! It’s a good thing, it’s an achievement! Be happy silly self! ^^

Worry just makes the world seem all the more scary. Break the cycle, break the cycle, snap it to pieces, crush it into dust and let it fly away in the wind and never return! >< Keep going, reach higher, climb further (without forgetting to take rest stops in between and continue onwards with renewed vigour) past the sky and the stars, you can do it! Moar fancy fancy motivation!! x3

I guess I’ll stop here, I think I’ve got most of the stuff down and there’s stuff I wanna do now that I’ve pieced my motivation back together some ^^ When I go to my drafts to write, I see the to do/dream list I wrote last time and it reminds me of all the things I could do, it definitely needs to be tidied up but it’s nice seeing it! I’m pumped! :3

I hope things go well for myself and everyone out there, go go!

Have a great evening! C:

[allofusandco]

Corner bar. Clever name.

with @theycomeuninvited - Enzo

Liv stops at the Corner Bar and meets Enzo.

Liv:

Well, that had gone better than expected. For a start, Alaric Saltzman might have sounded ninety years old on the phone, but he wasn’t, which was good. Also - not a witch, so he wasn’t going to give her grief about how she used her magic - one of the top ten fun things older witches liked to do. But for someone without magic, his knowledge was encyclopedic, so she had a feeling she was going to like him.

Plus, she’d flustered him enough so he’d hired her more by default than anything else.

It was close enough to dinner time, so she’d stopped at a place cleverly called the Corner Bar. Had to be something in the water around here. She was willing to bet there was a grocery store on the block called Grocery Store.

Still weird to be on this side of the bar, really but here she was, examining the place. Starving and in need of something alcoholic to round out the day. She brushed a mess of long, curly blonde hair off her face and crossed her arms, waiting to be served.

–––––

Enzo:

Glancing up when he heard the door opened Enzo noted the arrival of the blond girl tossing her a short nod to let her know he’d seen her. As far as being busy today went it hadn’t been too miserable, though in all fairness he rarely found their busy hours to be miserable. Still she had picked a small rush to come in on.

Finishing up the large order of drinks for the party at the back table (he was pretty sure there was something supernatural about them and would have to ask Ric next time he saw him) he wiped the counter, put a few bottles that were in the way away and finally made his way down to her.

“Sorry about that love,” he greeted. “Large order, complex drinks…the usual. What can I get for you?” he asked with a smile.

–––––

Liv:

Cute accent. Liv sat up straighter and glanced at the table behind her, and back to her new best friend (well – bartender in walking distance of work, it seemed like a gimme.

“I’ll take a large order of complex drinks,” she said, with a lopsided smile. “No, scratch that.” She stood up to look at the cocktail fixings on the other side of the bar. Gin fizz? Nope. Nothing as obvious as a Cosmopolitan. Was it mean to make him come up with something himself…? “I’m feeling celebratory. But I’m not big on champagne…”

She dropped back onto her stool.

“Whiskey sour,” she said, reaching for a pretzel from a bowl on the bar. “Champagne for the bitter and twisted. Nothing from the bottom shelf. This your place?”

Something about the way he moved in the space said it was – or he was the manager, something. He took too much pride in it to be earning seven bucks an hour plus tips.

–––––

Enzo:

Leaning against the counter he listened to her drink order, a smirk settling over his lips when she finally decided on what she wanted. Pushing back from the counter he pulled out a glass and set to work on making her drink.

“It is now,” he answered as he made her drink. “When I got here a few years back I lucked into a management position. When then owner got too old to run things around here he gave me the place, that was about a year ago.”

Finishing the drink he set it on the counter across from her.

“You’re a new face though,” he added. “New to town or just to this section of it?”

–––––

Liv:

Spot on. Liv liked being able to read people. A corner of her lip turned up.

“New-ish to town. But I’ve been sleeping on a friend’s couch earning shitty tips at a college bar since I got here.” She watched the bartender squeeze the lemon and absently scratched at her temple. There was someone supernatural in the bar. Wasn’t him, but they were close, and it was making her twitch. “I’m Liv. Parkman.”

The surname was totally unnecessary and she knew it. But she had to get used to saying it. Should have gone with something a little further off but for whatever reason, it was hard to remember to respond to Smith or anything so mundane.

“Just got a job down the street, so I’ll look for something close. You should get used to my ass warming a bar stool here. Promise I tip better than a college student.”

–––––

Enzo:

“Well Liv,” he grinned as he set her drink in front of her and wiped his hand on the rag slung over his shoulder. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Lorenzo, Enzo will suffice though.”

He wondered where she was working around that could be as decent as replacing a bar job. Though even he had to admit that if he was dealing with college students he likely wouldn’t find the job half as fun as he did.

“You’ll be among good company then,” he added tossing her a fond smile. “We have a few regulars around here anyways. Where are you working? Might have to drop in and pay you a visit,” he offered as he moved to lean against one of the back counters.

–––––

Liv:

“Lorenzo. Fancy,” she said, one eyebrow arching dramatically as she took her drink, and sipped. Mmhmm. Sour. Perfect. “This is good. I can definitely warm a seat around here if you keep these coming.” Liv drank too much. She knew it. Just sometimes it was easier to tamp down the magic than to deal with it.

He probably knew the shop – but there wasn’t the slightest whiff of magic about the guy, name notwithstanding, so he probably didn’t have a clue that it was more than a junk shop, nor that there was someone hinky in his bar. “I got a job at a shop down the street. Bookshop, mostly, but it’s a magic shop as well. Come by and I’ll hook you up with a love potion, make you irresistible.” She laughed, to herself, mostly. “Magic shop. Pretty cool, right? Boss seems alright.” For someone so completely mundane. Knew how to draw runes, though, that was impressive. “Maybe you know the owner. He subscribes to the ‘corner bar’ tradition of naming a business.”

–––––

Enzo:

Oh, so she was Ric’s new hired help then. Enzo had known he’d been looking, something about needing some time off or something like that. Grinning he crossed his arms over his chest and laughed.

“Ric, yeah I know him,” he said casually. “Comes in here a few times a week, good kind of guy and a good friend too.”

It made Enzo wonder what Liv was though or if she thought the place was just a quirky little shop like he had. No, Ric wouldn’t hire someone like that, Enzo didn’t think he would anyways. This girl had to be a witch or something.

“What are you then?” he asked unable to help himself. “Or is that rude to ask? I’m sort of new to this whole world so…sorry if it’s rude.”

–––––

Liv:

Liv slumped a little. Damn. There went her air of mystery. She sipped the drink again. Nice to have an outsider’s perspective on her new boss. “Friend? Nice to know he has some, then. He’s a little too easy to bait – I’m not sure he even realizes he’s hired me. He looked confused as hell when I left.”

She leaned in conspiratorially. “I’m a succubus,” she said. “Sneak in men’s bedroom windows while they’re sleeping and steal their souls. Right out of their dicks. Don’t worry. You’re not my type.”

Succubus. She should have come up with that line long before now. Wasted opportunity. Oh well. “We’re very rare.” Pleased with herself.

Enzo had an expression on his face that suggested he had no idea whether to take her seriously, panic, run, call her new boss and suggest he’d accidentally hired a murderer. “Cross my heart, I only feed on blonds.” She made the sign over her heart.

Alright – maybe it was a bad idea to piss off the owner of her new favorite bar on the first day.

“I’m a witch,” she said, with a shrug. “So what – you’re a believer?”

–––––

Enzo:

God he hoped she was kidding about the whole soul sucking thing. Sure he was new to this whole world but he didn’t think Ric would hire someone like here if she was bad, right? Besides, what exactly was a succubus anyways?

“Oh, right, well…good joke,” he mumbled willing himself to relax a little as he ran a hand over the back of his neck awkwardly. Honestly he wasn’t well versed enough in supernatural things to really know when someone was joking around about what they were. For all he knew she could be joking about being a witch now, he wouldn’t be any wiser and had no way of actually knowing.

“I don’t know, I guess,” he shrugged his shoulders before moving to pull out a glass filling it with a splash of gin for himself. “Just sort of found out about all this stuff a few weeks ago. I’ve mostly wrapped my mind around it but it’s still a little weird thinking about it all.”

–––––

Liv:

Ha, ha. Yeah, good joke, look at him. Liv felt a vicious little stab of amusement.

“I’ve driven you to drink,” she said. “That might be a record for me. Relax. I’m sorry. I’m told I can be caustic. I promise – I don’t do spells that involve baby teeth or illegal fluids… usually. I’m just trying to make my way in the world, keep a low profile and annoy the occasional bartender. And I’ll have another one of these.” She raised the empty glass. Pity they didn’t come in a large. She could have saved him some time.

“So, what happened? You look like you saw a ghost. Something has to have convinced you this is all for real or you’d be laughing right now. And I doubt it was just Ric’s pretty face, earnest as he is. Got a story to tell?”

There was that buzz again. Liv turned around, and met the eyes of some vampire who must have heard a little of what she said. She stared him down. Enough so he knew it would be a bad idea to jump her, and back to Enzo. “I’ll tell you about the time my sister Elphaba got a bucket of water thrown over her and melted.”

–––––

Enzo:

Reaching out for her glass he set about making her another drink debating on how much he wanted to tell her of his story. She was right in thinking that something had happened, he just hadn’t expected for it to be that bloody obvious though he supposed most humans didn’t fall into this world with no reason too.

“Again with the joking,” he said with a small smirk. At least he hoped she was joking and wasn’t serious about the whole melting thing. As far he knew that lore was just rumor, then again he hadn’t bothered to stop and ask Ric about it, maybe he should have.

“It was a ghost,” he said setting the drink in front of her. Running his hand back through his hair he sighed and picked up his glass of gin taking another sip. “Turns out my apartment was haunted, Ric helped me out with it and I’ve been a part of the world since,” he explained before washing the words down his throat with a swallow of gin.

–––––

Liv:

“You hope I’m joking,” she said, with an arched eyebrow, and a smirk. Enzo was fun, no question. But the next thing he said made her shiver.

Ghosts.

Liv didn’t like them, didn’t like the idea of them. She’d spent too many sleepless nights imagining the ghosts of her siblings slinking around the house looking at her, wondering why she’d lived and they’d died. Truly she wondered the same thing herself. She’d never seen one, and hoped she never would, and if ghostbusting on the side was part of the new job she was out of there before the ink dried on her first paycheck.

“Well, that sucks.” She drank too much with her first mouthful. “But hey, at least you had a go-to guy Can’t imagine they’re much fun to live with.” She realized her breathing had sped up a little, and focused on slowing it down. “I’ll leave that part of the job to Ric. He’s not paying me enough for danger money. But welcome to the world. I’ll drop your t-shirt by next time I come in. And your decoder ring.”

She swallowed hard.

“Truth is if I had a choice I’d be Joan Q Citizen, and not have a clue. But once you know there really could be a monster under the bed you don’t have a lot of choices left.” It was the truth. Her fucked up family life wasn’t something Liv would wish on anyone, including herself, and the cruelty of being separated from a twin.

–––––

Enzo:

Enzo understood what she was saying better than anyone because it was the truth plain and simple. Now that he knew there was more to the world out there he couldn’t go back to not knowing. It was as if his life was forever changed and probably not for the better.

“For what it’s worth I don’t think he does it nearly as much as me saying he ghost hunts would indicate,” he explained as he downed another mouthful of gin. “I think he prefers to read up on the stuff, help out where he can. I doubt you’ll be expected to do anything like that,” he finished.

Turning around he made up another drink for Liv figuring if they were having this conversation that she was going to need it just about as much as he did.

“Here, consider it on the house,” he said setting next to her on the counter top. “So you don’t fancy being a witch? I don’t know why, I just thought that would be one of the more entertaining aspects of this whole world you know?”

–––––

Liv:

Well, good. Because Liv wasn’t hunting for ghosts, even if Alaric doubled her pay. She gave a tight nod. Time to change the subject.

She shrugged. “The magic itself is fine,” she said. “Fun, even, most of the time. Unfortunately, it comes with a lot of… responsibilities, and rules, and things you’d rather not hear about.” Like, for example, the fact that if her batshit crazy family found her they were going to force her to merge with her brother, leaving one of them dead and the other stuck in a management role they really didn’t want. And Since she’d already lost five family members over magical spats… basically, no. “My family is pretty intense.”

That was as much as she was prepared to say about it.

“Thanks,” she added, reaching for the new drink. On the house? Not bad at all. Way to spin a paycheck out. “Anyway, I guess I’m starting on Monday. So yay me.”

The discount would be useful, too. Paying full price for rare herbs and crystals was a total bitch. And when it was quiet, Alaric said she could read whatever she wanted. She was going to fill another grimoire in the space of a few months, unless she got bored and quit.

“So what’s with the vampire who hangs around the shop?”

–––––

Enzo:

Enzo’s experience with witches was limited to just the half hour or so he’d spent with Liv. He knew some came into the bar, at least he figured they did and he knew he’d likely bumped in to one or two while talking to Ric outside of his shop. That was it though, he was limited in what he knew of those world in general but he understood what she was saying. There were enough movies all about the responsibilities of magic and the balance you had to keep or the evil things that could be done with it. He wasn’t naive enough to think that all witches in the real world were good either.

“Vampire?” Enzo arched a brow at her words unsure of what she was one about.

Ric hadn’t mentioned anything about a vampire and the thought of them being real sent a chill through the human. Witches and ghosts were one thing, blood sucking fiends that could kill him in a matter of seconds was a whole new thing to wrap his mind around.

“This isn’t by chance your attempt at being witty and pulling my leg again is it?” he asked and when she looked like she wasn’t kidding he took a mouthful of gin and wondered if he could function enough to run the bar while drunk. “Ric’s never mentioned a vampire, guess I was hoping there was a limit on what supernatural things were real.”

–––––

Liv:

Oh, whoops. Liv bit her lip and reached for her glass, watching the blood drain from Enzo’s face. Maybe she could have been a little bit more delicate.

“Vampire,” she said again. Well, he knew, now. No sense in being delicate. “Fangs, cloak, loves to count… I was making that last bit up. Actually the cloak thing was made up as well. The guy with the pale eyes and the fuck me hair. You haven’t met him?”

Well. She tapped her fingers on the bar.

“Cute. Anyway, I wouldn’t worry. Can’t see Alaric befriending a Lestat. He’s probably more of an Edward. You know the type, castrated, likes to watch people sleep, eats bunnies. All of that.” She waved it off. “But hey, look. You’re continuing your supernatural education, and all it cost you was a free whiskey sour.”

Liv was getting a little tipsy, actually. Probably should have eaten something today other than saltines for breakfast twelve hours ago. And if he kept at it, Enzo was going to follow close behind.

“Watch it,” she warned. “I know I’m the living embodiment of sweetness and light but no way am I working behind the bar if you pass out. If you’re lucky I’ll shoo the rest of the customers out and lock the door behind me. You got some smelling salts?”

–––––

Enzo:

Enzo thought he’d seen someone who fit her description lurking around the store a few times. He’d never thought that Ric would be involved with him though and he hadn’t expected him to be a vampire either. Actually Enzo hadn’t really paid him too much thought seeing as he was clearly a customer of Ric’s which meant he wasn’t someone Enzo would usually socialize with.

Taking a sip of his drink he rolled his eyes at Liv.

“Don’t worry love I can handle my liquor without needing your help,” he offered by way of an answer before following the words with another sip. Besides it wasn’t going to be too much longer before his shift release showed up and he could skip out of there for the evening and head home to really drink. It was amazing how much more he looked forward to that now that his resident ghost was gone for good.

“What are you doing after you leave here?” he asked arching a brow at her curiously. “We could grab a bit to eat, nothing funny just dinner between friends mind you.”

Yeah, he still looked a little pale. Liv snickered to herself, draining her glass, and pushing it across the bar. She pretended to consider.

–––––

Liv:

“I was going to say yes,” she said. “But really? Nothing funny? Does that mean I can’t pretend faeries are real, and living at the bottom of the garden, waiting to pull out your teeth while you sleep?” She shrugged. “Don’t worry. You’re not my type. But since we’re such good friends now, sure, I could eat.” Probably not a good idea to get behind the wheel of her car now anyway. She’d briefly debated asking Alaric if she could sleep in one of the upstairs bedrooms (they were going to come in very handy).

She poured herself a glass of water (radical concept) and reached for a book settled in the pocket of her messenger bag, figuring they’d be out of there sooner if she let Enzo do his thing. The book was ancient and battered, almost every page folded down at least once over the years; lately, Liv couldn’t stand reading anything new, just books she knew and loved. Something about having lost so much in the last couple of years had her clinging to what she knew.

–––––

Enzo:

“Faires, you know even if you tell me know that you’re yanking my chain I’m not going to believe you. Those are some scary little things right there,” Enzo said grinning at her. He was glad she’s said yes though and agreed to go with him for food since he was already starving and having a friend for company was always nice.

Finishing up his shift duties he passed the bar off half an hour later to his coworker and tugged on his jacket.

“Alright Liv,” he said offering her a grin as he rounded the counter. “What are you in the mood for? There’s a nice burger place about a block the other direction or if you’re some weird vegan type there’s always that way,” he said gesturing to the two different directions as he talked to her leaving it up to her, honestly he could go either way so it hardly mattered to him.

–––––

Liv:

Liv gathered her things, winding an oversized scarf several times around her neck, against the biting cold. “Seriously? Burgers here all day and you go eat another burger elsewhere?”

But she wasn’t really interested in vegan food. Maybe on a day she was feeling a little more morally superior and less tipsy.

“Passed a noodle place on the way in,” she said, pausing at her car to half-empty her oversized handbag into the trunk. She closed it again, locked the car and found her place at Enzo’s side again. “Noodles might actually sop up some of the booze you practically poured down my throat. How long have you lived around here? Thought I might see if I can find something I can afford close by, save some money and time. I’ve never lived alone. I wanna try it. The pants-free existence. Ice cream for dinner. The works.”

Yeah, she was apparently very tipsy. Good stuff.

–––––

Enzo:

Enzo smirked and held the door open letting the girl walk past him before following her out onto the street, his hands moving to settle in his pockets as he walked.

“Let’s just say that while here at work my diet is purely liquid,” he said grinning as he answered her. Noodles were fine though, honestly he didn’t care what they ate since he usually just picked at his food anyways.

“A while now,” he admitted. “There’s some cheap places around the block,” he added thinking about it. “I share my place with this old woman, she rents pretty cheap and so do a few others in the area. It’s not apartments per se but the top and bottom are renovated into their own places so they are. It’s nice, makes it feel more like a home and not renting I guess.”

He’d always loved his little place, up until it had started being haunted that was. Now he was back to loving it and glad he wasn’t going to have to move out of it any time soon.

–––––

Liv:

Hmm. Liv could put up with that, as long as no one complained about her incense, or occasional chanting… she’d lived with Luke so long. At college at least they were only down the hall from each other, and before that, the bedroom next door. Asshole. God, she missed him.

“Well, I should start looking,” she said, with a shrug. She was definitely a little drunk. “Anyone ever tell you you make a damn good whiskey sour? Was your wrist sore?” No, probably just the fact she hadn’t eaten all day.

She dragged Enzo into the noodle place and examined the menu for about thirteen seconds before she’d picked out something that sounded fine. Satay, that was peanuts and just a little bit of chili, she thought.

They placed their orders and collapsed into the plastic bucket seating by the window.

“Where I grew up… everything was green. My house was in the middle of basically a pasture. And then woods. I thought we needed that. Witches.” Oh dear. Nostalgia. Better drink more before it gave way to melancholy. “But there’s magic in the city too. Obviously.” She reached out to pull a leaf out of Enzo’s hair, and made it twirl on the end of her finger before floating it to the ground.

–––––

Enzo:

Taking a seat by the window across from Liv Enzo grinned as he listened to her talking. She was fascinating and that only became even more true when she used her magic on the leaf. It was funny in a way because before that moment he’d not really considered the implications of witchcraft. He knew she was a witch and yes he’d seen and dealt with the ghost at his place but seeing just the simple use of her skills in such a mundane environment as this place really drove the point home.

“You know if you need a place to crash I do have an extra room. Landlords hard of hearing and..well she’s old so all her sense are dulled. You could stay there for however long you need,” he shrugged his shoulders as he offered. He barely knew the girl and for all he knew she could be terrible to live with but he didn’t think she would be and honestly he was so rarely at home these days with as much as he worked.

“Sorry, nice guy complex or something,” he added shrugging again as he carded a hand through his hair. “It’s a habit to offer help when I can or something,” he admitted with a small smile realizing it might be creepy to just offer a place to stay to a stranger.

–––––

Liv:

Liv raised her eyebrows. Not really used to someone she’d just met offering something so big, not when she seemed to spend half her life begging for people’s couches, and she missed having Luke around. On the other hand, she knew she wasn’t the easiest person to live with. The smell of incense might drive Enzo mad.

But it was a nice offer. Probably better than whatever she was going to find and be able to afford alone around here. And it would only be temporary, of course…

“Alright,” she said. “I could do that. Only temporary, until I can find something. You sure, though? You’ve only known me a few hours, I might be completely awful and you wouldn’t know. I should let you find out just how awful in your own time. And there’s our order.”

She walked to the counter and dug through her wallet – no way was she letting Enzo pay or even split it after he had just unknowingly probably saved her from sleeping in the back seat of her car again.

“Smells good,” she said, strangely buoyant suddenly. “Let’s go.”

The temperature had already dropped, or maybe they’d been getting used to the warmth of the restaurant.

“You’re not allergic to incense, are you? Because… never mind.”

–––––

Enzo:

Really Enzo hadn’t really thought that she would agree to the whole moving in thing but now that she had he wasn’t going to tell her he couldn’t. Besides the place got lonely a lot of times and he hated that part of living alone. Naturally he was a social person so having someone else around the place would be alright, even if it did mean having to deal with some incense here or there.

Pushing open the door he let her out ahead of him and fell in to step beside her.

“Awesome, I don’t live too far from here either, just down that way around the corner and down a bit. You’ll be in walking distance to work and the bar,” he said flashing her a smile. “It’s pretty safe around here too which is a bloody bonus yeah.”

Taking the bag of food he looked to make sure they had both their orders.

“Alright where do you want to eat this?” he asked as he closed the bag back up. “Back at our place, I can give you the official tour then we can go grab your stuff.”

–––––

Liv:

Hmm, well, maybe she’d upgrade ‘temporary’ to ‘until Enzo got sick of her and kicked her out’. Good spot. Definitely better than a couch which hadn’t been cleaned since it was made in 1985.

And of course it was safe. As far as Liv could tell, Allentown was mostly gay couples, many with small children. Probably had the best dressed neighborhood watch program in the country. It was nice, really, but she was probably going to have to go a little further north if she was looking for some serious company.

“Mm-hmm,” she said, eyeing a couple passing them with fingers tangled. “Our place. But everything I own is in my car, so I’ll grab it in the morning. Probably pass out on a couch or something tonight. My spiritual home.”

He wasn’t lying; it was a very short walk. She gave a jaunty little cock of the chin and arched a well-sculpted eyebrow as he led her to the entry. She could feel it; that trace of something that had been so strongly present here, but was gone. The last vestiges. Like smoke caught in curtains. Another few weeks and there wouldn’t be a trace.

“It’s cute,” she said. “Are we upstairs?”

–––––

Enzo:

That was fine with him, he probably had an old t-shirt she could bum so she could sleep more comfortably while her stuff was still down in her car. Pulling out his key’s he made quick work of unlocking the door as he made his way up the steps.

“Yup, top floor is all ours. There’s a door just up here on the landing so no one can just barge in and up the steps on us. Landlady stays down stairs, she’s got knee and hips issues so she doesn’t make it up often. Hard of hearing too but she’s sweet,” he explained as he pushed open the door and held it for her before leading the way upstairs.

“I keep this one locked too, just in case someone from her family comes by,” he said looking behind him and flashing Liv a small smile. Pushing opened the top door he headed inside and stepped back so that she could come in and get a look around the place.

“Welcome home,” he said grinning brightly.

–––––

Liv:

Hard of hearing worked. That meant Liv wouldn’t have to worry too much about her music. Good. Nothing more annoying than being told to turn it down. She looked around the apartment, stepping into the kitchen – decent size, good, cooking up spells could get messy sometimes. She looked out the window but it was way too dark to see anything but the fact there was a greenhouse down there somewhere.

“Perfect,” she said. She was pretty sure the contents of her pathetic bank account would stretch far enough to buy a bed, and not much further, but she’d be getting paid, soon enough (which reminded her, she was either going to have to talk Alaric into paying her cash, or find a way to open a bank account under her assumed name. Dammit). “This is great. New job and a new place in…”

She glanced at the clock above the oven.

“Six hours. Not bad at all.”

She opened the bathroom door. Good, an actual bath, even if it was small. Enzo’s door gave off a strong vibe, but the next door was almost dead. “Assume this is me?” A few boxes, that was about all. No problem, she could stick them under the bed. Not like she owned much.

“Let’s eat noodles and get drunk, then,” she said. “I have a dozen Netflix passwords and a hard drive full of movies illegally downloaded on someone else’s dime. Oh! And a popcorn maker, and one of those cotton candy machines. This could be a match made in heaven.”

–––––

Enzo:

The place seemed to be to her liking and Enzo allowed himself to relax over that. Why he was even nervous he couldn’t say, he just knew he wanted her to like the place. It’d been a while now that he’d been considering getting a roommate, the ghost issue had only confirmed his general dislike of living alone too. Having her get here and hate the place, having her decide to go somewhere else…Enzo just hadn’t wanted that to happen.

Setting the bag of food down on the coffee table in front of the couch he crossed to the small kitchen area and pulled out a bottle of gin and two glasses.

“I have gin and gin, which would you prefer?” he asked flashing her a quick smirk. “We can grab something you like from the bar tomorrow, write it off on the monthly bar inventory. I don’t like doing it often but here and there is fine.”

Honestly having the bar being his it didn’t matter one bit; he just didn’t want it getting around to the other employee’s around the place.

Leaving the kitchen he grabbed two forks and the glasses and headed back to the couch collapsing onto it next to her. Passing the fork and the glass of gin to her he settled the bottle on the table next to the food and pulled out his own.

“What movie should we check out then? You should be fully warned I’m not all that up to par with what’s good to watch,” he admitted grinning. “TV isn’t exactly my thing. Cable seemed pointless and we get shit digital reception sense they changed from analog. Bloody awful really, nothing local at all worth watching. Hell the TVs become a decoration piece more or less.”

–––––

Liv:

Yes, this was going to work out nicely, Liv thought, coming back into the room with a look of satisfaction on her generally haughty face. Good. She took a hair band from around her wrist and pulled her hair back in a bushy ponytail (nothing like letting it trail in noodle sauce – and she’d only washed it that morning, ready to impress the new boss with how homeless she didn’t look).

“I’ll take gin,” she said, dropping into the couch at last, and reaching for her box of noodles. Spicy peanut, but not too spicy – Liv liked to be able to actually taste flavors. “I drink anything. Almost anything. Tequila and I are good friends, go way back, although we’re not on the best of terms at the moment…” she shrugged, and grabbed a fork. “I don’t care what we watch. It’ll just end up background noise anyway. I want to hear about you. And your ghost.” She reached for the remote and pressed a few buttons until something not entirely annoying graced the screen – okay, looked like it might be the first few bars of a low-budget horror movie, that would do. Liv always liked them, especially when they tried to invent their own lore and broke the laws of conceivable magic to do it.

“You’re right, this is shit reception. I’ll set up the drive tomorrow when I bring in all of my stuff.” It was only down the block but no way did Liv have the energy to go lugging everything back here tonight – and she was already too tipsy to drive the car closer.

“How long have you lived here? When did you leave merry olde England? Why Buffalo? Or is it just Allentown – the scenery here,” she said, referring to the huge population of very well dressed gay men, “is stunning. Got someone in your life?” Pretty sure she knew the answer but it was only polite to check.

–––––

Enzo:

“Told you,” he laughed at the reception comment and grabbed his dinner out tucking in to it s she rattled off a lot of questions. “Wow, you really were serious,” he teased around a mouthful of dinner before swallowing and chasing it with a swallow of gin.

“I came over here about twelve years ago, I was just starting middle school at the time. Mum was getting a divorce, I was the only step child so I got to come back here to America with her when she decided she wanted to start her life over,” he explained with a roll of his shoulders.

For a long time Enzo had been bitter over it, over having to leave his half siblings behind and make a new life for himself. It was still easy for him to slide into that mind space if he allowed it so he much preferred not to dwell on it too much.

“She went to Virginia first and we stuck around for a bit, then she moved again and then again and again…finally we ended up here when I was about seventeen and I just refused to leave when she did. Got myself a job working as a mechanic till I was twenty one, then I started working at the bar. Same day as my birthday, the owner was a regular at the car shop. Owned a bloody junker that always needed work done. Anyways, I’ve been working there ever since so three years now.”

Why he’d stuck around here of all places he couldn’t much say, he just liked it here. He hadn’t wanted to move again and he had a job, it worked out. He didn’t know whatever happened with his mom, she wasn’t the sort to really keep in touch but he figured she’d rolled back through again eventually or she wouldn’t, he tried not to think about that either.

“No, just me,” he shrugged. “Though there is a cute werewolf that’s been hanging around Ric’s,” he said offering her a smirk.

–––––

Liv:

“Hmm. Sucks. Let me guess, half the kids in your school thought the accent was cute and exotic and the other half pushed you over in the playground for being a freak? Kids are the worst,” she mused, picking the greens out of her noodles and eating them first so they couldn’t ruin a perfectly good mouthful of something else. “Probably sort of like when the entire school thinks your family is full of witches, I bet.” Worst kept secret in the history or poorly kept secrets, that.

“You probably shouldn’t have let slip you’re a mechanic. Daisy breaks down whenever I’m rude to her, and what can I say? I have a forked tongue. But I’ll pay anything, as long as it’s not money.” She smirked. “I can make tacos. And reheat almost anything. Beyond that… expert at takeaway, really.” She swirled noodles on the chopsticks. Delicious.

“Werewolf?” Liv made a face, though she was mostly joking. “Oh, Enzo. No, no werewolves. Well, I mean… are you sure he’s housebroken? They chew slippers, you know. I mean, they’ll eat anything.” Luke would have laughed. Luke had a werewolf friend once who would have cheerfully thrown Liv out the window for talking like this but Luke still would have laughed. “And you have to be responsible about getting them microchipped, and neutered. Capisce?” She raised her eyebrows, and reached across to steal something out of Enzo’s noodle box.

Hmm. Tasty. Not as good as the satay, though.

“I’m at a stage in my life where I need… to lie in the bath and not have anyone ask when I’m getting out,” she said, and yes, it was a selfish thing, but mostly, it was trying to find the upsides of living without Luke. “Which means the whole bar, late shift thing will come in handy. But getting laid on the regular, that I could do with. Bet werewolves are warm,” she said, with a sly wink, reaching for her glass.

Ah, tasted so wrong with the food, but Liv really didn’t give a crap.

–––––

Enzo:

“First off yes,” he said nodding in reply to the school thing. He hadn’t lasted long in classes anywhere they went, not until he was a little older and could pick his own fights anyways. “Secondly don’t worry about it. I like working on them for fun these days, which isn’t something I ever thought I’d say really. It’s relaxing or something so just let me know what you need done and we’ll have her all fixed up.”

It wasn’t an issue, hell he wasn’t even worried about her needing to pay him. Roommates, friends…connections to help get things done, that’s what it was all about really and he didn’t mind lending a hand when he knew he was capable of it.

“Thirdly,” he grinned. “I don’t know how housebroken Nik is because he’s a new werewolf. At least that’s what he told me the other night. Rescued me from a vampire actually, thank god too or I wouldn’t be here right now talking to you. Then again maybe you could have gotten the apartment just to yourself then.”

Enzo didn’t like thinking about that actually. Coming that close to being vampire food hadn’t been fun and he didn’t want to be put in that position ever again.

“I wouldn’t know,” he added shrugging his shoulders to the warm comment. “But I’ll let you know if I ever find out. But enough about me, what’s your deal? I mean you’re new around here so what brought you to our little place in the world?”

–––––

Liv:

“Well, good. Because I can guarantee you Daisy is due to die on me again any day now. One advantage of living close to work – at least when she dies on me on won’t lose my job. Which is half the reason I was couch surfing. Which reminds me – I really should call in the morning and quit.”

Oh, that would be so much fun. Hello, assholes, here’s what I think of your five bucks an hour. Now that she was thinking about it, Liv was looking forward to it.

“Mmhmm? Big bad werewolf rescuing you from a vampire? That’s kind of hot,” Liv purred. New werewolf, though. And he lived at the shop? Well, that was interesting. Werewolves were generally pretty sassy. Could be entertaining, as long as he had a mouth on him. “Sounds at least housebroken enough, since he didn’t rescue you from them just to eat you himself.”

And here was the inevitable question of where Liv was from.

She toyed with the idea of just coming out and being honest about it, though there were at least a dozen reasons it was a bad idea, not least of which was Liv’s strong desire not to be looked at with any kind of pity. But she didn’t really want to out and out lie, not when she’d made an actual friend, and one she planned to live with, at least until he adopted the puppy and brought him home.

She shrugged. “Getting away from my batshit crazy family,” she said. “They have some very strong ideas about family responsibility, and it so happens that their ideas clash with my plans to spend my hottest years with a cocktail in one hand and a book in the other. So. It’s good, I’m having a blast. Family’s kinda rich, though. It’s a pity I can’t magic some of my eventual inheritance into my current pockets.”

Eventual inheritance. As if she could ever go back.

–––––

Enzo:

The remark about Ni eating him was one Enzo was going to let slide. Honestly he wasn’t sure if that was something werewolves did or not and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. There was a lot about Nik that was still a mystery to him, then again there was a lot about this world in general that was a mystery to him and he wasn’t sure how much of it he was really willing to question these days.

“I’m sorry,” he said genuinely meaning it. “I speak from experience when I say it sucks when family isn’t on the same bloody page as you.”

Him and his mom hadn’t ever agreed on anything, much less what they wanted from life. It’s why he was here and she wasn’t and sometimes it really sucked but mostly he figured it was something he had to just accept and get over in the end. Whatever Liv’s hang-ups with her family were they were hers and he wasn’t going to push to know the details.

“Alright I have a spare room you can take,” he said letting the conversation move on to other topics, “but it doesn’t have a bed yet. I know a few places around here where we can get you a cheap mattress tomorrow before I head in to work. I promise it won’t be used either, I just know a lot of people around here willing to help others out. Then we can get you set up in there so you can have some privacy. Tonight you’ll have to take the couch, I promise it’s not awful though.”

–––––

Liv:

Yeah, not on the same page. One way to put it, Liv supposed. “It really does. They’re mostly batshit crazy though so I don’t really care.” Way to put a thin sheen of bravado all over everything. What a pathetic (and probably transparent) lie. “Just wanna live my life.” And that was one hundred percent true. She wanted to survive past the age of twenty-three, but she didn’t relish the idea of losing Luke, either. And neither of them wanted to lead the coven. No way.

“Good,” she said. “I’ve been sleeping on couches for months, I can do another night. Got a little cash saved up. A bed of my own, how luxurious. It’s been a while.” And then it had been her dorm room, with a mattress that had probably belonged to fifty people before her and had been industrial standard to start with. She certainly wasn’t above letting Enzo call in a favor. She wondered how long she’d end up staying here; probably a little while, if she was going to save the cash for a deposit, furniture, all that stuff she was going to need… she decided to put off thinking about it for the forseeable future, maybe do some sums when she had some quiet in the shop. She’d never bought furniture before, and had no idea.

“For now, let’s just get drunk, alright?” She raised her glass to chink against Enzo’s, and grinned. TV time.

~COMPLETE~