#I guarantee more than half these retards are married too

[stopfunkinwmyheart]

I had a custy go "can u show me where to find one of these" and hands me an iten. I'm all "yeah uh I think they're right over here" as I start walking to them. he's like "oh I got it, they're right here" right at the spot he was standing. he didn't want what he showed me, like he had asked. he wanted something else entirely.

[asenatheoperator]

Christmas Night..

[WARNING GRAMMER NAZIES MIGHT GET CANCER]

It was that time of the year again; Christmas. How much it was a military base and the HQ of S.A.S, Hereford was fully decorated with Christmas decorations. Winter was already here but snow did not showed itself yet, only heavy rain and fog.

Few operators did prepared a party to celebrate the day, at the moment every operator in Rainbow was drinking, eating, singing, having fun and celebrating. Meanwhile the only operator who wasn’t there was Asena. She was busy in her room writing the report of her last mission with Blackbeard in Africa’s another fucked up country; Somalia. While others were having fun she was laying on the couch in her room. Laptop on her lap and a cup of coffee may or may not contain some whiskey on the table next to her. Asena wasn’t at the party with her boyfriend Maverick because for her work always came first, even in holidays�� Some effects of the training with strict Turkish Military discipline. So when she and Blackbeard returned the base Asena did a favor, told him to go to the party, let her handle the report. In the end it was his religion’s holiday not hers.

At the middle of her report finally Asena’s door knocked then a familiar ‘Yank’ entered the room with a party cone on his head, holding something on his back. Asena knew who came so she kept her eyes on the screen of her laptop, continue typing the report ‘’You bored already?’’ She asked taking a sip from her coffee, put it back down.

Maverick walked otherside of the couch and kneel down, gently put the gift he brought on the floor. Then he looked down at his girlfriend with a slight smile on his face ‘’It was Marius turn at the karaoke, i had to save myself.’’ He  looked over to the screen ‘’You could have write this tomorrow too you know.’’

‘’Yeaah.’’ Asena looked up to him ‘’But you know my work ethic: Job always comes first.’’ She chuckled ‘’Also now Craig owes me a favor aaand i don’t have to listen Marius’s bad voice or try to stop Taina from killing him.’’ Asena raised herself up a bit to kiss him then get back down ‘’I’m tired too.. You can’t imagine how exhausting it was to operate under the heat of bloody Africa..And dealing with the thugs of a bloody retarded warlord.’’ She said, shaking her head with a sigh, continue typing ‘’In these situations, i hate this planet...It’s bloody winter, be a bit fucking cold eh? Not stay as hell above the goddamn ground.’’

After the kiss and hearing her comment about the air, make him smile more ‘’Good thing is you and Craig quickly completed the mission. It could have been a long one too, you know how much paranoid those warlords can be..’’ Asena raised her cup up in the air, looking at the screen and typing with her other hand ‘’God save the Meghan J. fricking Castellano, thanks to her my trip to hell lasted short.’’ She chuckled, after take another sip from the cup she offered to him ‘’Want a sip? Got my special ingredient in it.’’ Maverick shook his head as no ‘’Nah, i already drink enough alcohol in last two hours. BUT’’ He lean down to grab the gift ‘’I bought you something.’’ He get back up, showed the wrapped box to her. Asena looked up to see the gift ‘’I told you not to buy me a gift babe…You know i don’t like gifts’’ She sighed, because now she had to buy something for him. As you may understand she wasn’t a gift lover type of person, also she was bad at getting gifts to her friends, so in her life she always avoid buying gifts best she can. Asena grabbed her laptop, put it on the table then take the gift, sit up on the couch.

Maverick walked around the couch and sit next to Asena, look at her ‘’I know..But i couldn’t pass this one.’’ When she was going to say something Maverick quickly said ‘’Just open it alright?’’ He pointed the box.

Asena rolled her eyes ‘’Aaalright…’’ She start tearing up the wrapping paper around the box, when she saw the golden box under the paper her eyes opened up a bit in surprise, as she finally tear it up from the middle and see the ‘Jack Daniels no.27 label’ on the golden box, her eyes were fully widen in shock ‘’Siktir..’’ She said. She didn’t expected that. No.27. It was an expensive, special limited made whiskey of the Jack Daniels and it was hard to find. This was the last thing she expected from him.

Maverick looking at his shocked girlfriend his eyebrow raised, keeping the smile on his face ‘’Merry Christmas.’’ 

She opened the box, take the bottle out ‘’Where did you find this?’’ She hold the bottle, looking at him.

He leant back, spread his arms ‘’Well, me and Seamus went to town to buy some drinks for the party. While i was looking around in the Liquor Store, i saw this behind of a few bottles of whiskey. I quickly pull it out and bought it… It was a bit of expensive but i think it’s worth it.’’ 

Now she was in a pretty bad spot, she did not have any gifts for him in fact now she had to buy something equal to this ‘’Y-yeah..’’ Asena said while thinking what she can buy to match this gift…. This was going to be ‘fun’ for her ‘’You know i did not get you a gift.’’

‘’Never expected one.’’ He quickly said ‘’It would be weird to expect a Christmas gift from an Theist.’’ he turned at her, lean over to couch ‘’Are you going to take a sip or look at it all night?’’

‘’Here we go…’’ Asena grabbed the top of the bottle, turned the cap. Soon as she lifted the cap, combined smells of the whiskey flow into her nose ‘’Oh my, it smells damn good.’’ She put the cap on the table then take a sip from the bottle after take few sips she lowered the bottle ‘’It tastes good too. Smooth.’’ She held the bottle towards him ‘’Come on take a sip, i don’t care how much drink you had today...Also you put me in a very bad situation with this gift.’’ Asena said.

Maverick grabbed the bottle ‘’You don’t have to buy me a gift.’’ he take a sip from the bottle ‘’So don’t worry.’’ he looked at the bottle ‘’Also it’s really smooth.’’ he take another sip.

Asena scratched her arms with a yawn then lean against to his chest, take the bottle from his hand ‘’I love you, Yank’’ She take a sip with smile, resting her head to his chest. 

Maverick embraced his girlfriend, he kissed back of her head ‘’I love you too.’’ Looked down at her, thinking about the question in his mind. Was it too early? Or it was the perfect time to ask he wondered. They were couple for half a year, If he asked the question it would be very early and could ruin the things between them. But on the other hand they were doing a job where tomorrow is not guaranteed. 

Maverick sighed, rubbed his eyes, looked out of the window seeing finally snow coming down ‘’Everything alright?’’ Asena asked hearing that troubled sigh, Maverick shook his head with a smile ‘’Yeah, everything is fine..I’m just tired like you are.’’ he answered. When his married operator friends saying asking the question was more harder than a defusing an bomb in middle of the minefield located in a desert, Maverick didn't believed them but now when he was in same situation he realized he was wrong. 

He said ‘Fuck it’ in his mind and give a try, Maverick take a deep breath and looked at her ‘’Hey..Will you be my wife?’’ he asked, it was pretty quick and straight to the point. 

When Asena heard that she was taking a sip which caused her to spit out the whiskey in her mouth with a second shock ‘’Ne?!’’ she coughed and quickly get up, turned around to look at him ‘’Did you just asked me to be your wife?’’ She asked to clarify the question, hoped she heard him wrong. Maverick quickly start scratching back of his head ‘’Yes..No..I mean…. It was just an question’’ he got up from the couch and looked at her ‘’I know what happened to you in past and i can understand if you say no.’’ he said, looking at the shocked woman standing in front of him. Meanwhile Asena didn’t know how to answer, they had a pretty great relationship, both were loving each other, there was no doubt about that. But Asena wasn’t ready to engage with another colleague especially after what happened to her, few years ago. She put down the bottle with a sigh, thinking about what to say. She did not want to say ‘no’ ame time she didn’t wanted to say ‘yes’ Maverick’s question really caught her off-guard. ‘’Look, Erik.. We both love each other. But right now, im not rea--’’ Her sentence interrupted with a sound of a loud crash followed by yelling of Lion and Doc coming from the Mess Hall. Maverick and Asena looked up to the ceiling, Mess Hall was two floor above them but they could hear the sound. Asena looked at him ‘’We’ll talk after this okay.’’ Maverick silently nod then both of them left the room to help others to stop that fight. But when they arrived to Mess Hall they saw the chaos.. All of the operators arguing, Twitch and Montagne trying to stop the Doc and Lion. Asena looked to her side, she saw Caveira leaned back on the wall, drinking a beer, watching the chaos ‘’What happened?’’ Asena asked to Caveira. Cav looked at her ‘’Doc and Olivier started to argue when Eliza tried to stop them Mira made a cheeky comment about Eliza, then they start arguing and things get worse from there.’’ Caveira take a sip from her drink ‘’Now you looking at a giant snowball going down from the Alps.’’ she said. Asena sighed ‘’And you just watching the chaos huh?’’ Asena asked, Caveira nodded with a smile. Maverick crossed her arms ‘’Any ideas to stop this First Lieutenant?’’ he asked to Asena. 

She looked around watching the chaos like Caveira only difference she was actually trying to figure out how to stop this. She needed something big to stop this, a pistol would work but she had no time to grab a pistol from the armory. Asena start thinking about a way to stop them before something really bad happens, she was thinking fast. Suddenly an idea pop up in her head but this was going to change her entire life...Just to keep her friends from murdering each other. 

Asena sighed, looked at Maverick and grabbed his hand before Maverick ask what is he doing, Asena yell her lungs out ‘’HEY! YOU IDIOTS!’’ it caught the attention of the operators for a second. Seeing that Asena raised Maverick’s hand she holding ‘’We are getting fucking married!’’ again Asena yell out. This news caught everyone off-guard including Maverick himself which he whispered ‘’Are we?’’ After a brief of silence, sound of clapping heard in the room. It was Thermite ‘’Congratulations!’’ he said and walked towards them with a huge smile on his face. 

This time Asena rolled down a snowball down the snowy mountain, just like the brawl it also start getting bigger. As the other operators who were arguing and fighting seconds ago stop what they were doing and start congratulating them for the news. Surprisingly Asena’s plan did worked, put a stop to that chaos. While receiving the congrats from their friends Asena and Maverick looked at eachother, it was one of the moments they literally talked with their eyes. Seeing her friends turning into foes in a second made something clear in Asena’s mind; that could have been them too. Saying ‘no’ to his proposal would make things worse for both of them, she did not want to lose Maverick so she had to do this. Asena and Maverick looked at each other with a smile…

Hour later everything was returned back to normal, everyone was talking and having fun while the loud music played on the background. Our fresh engaged couple was beside the alcohol table, watching their friends and having a drink ‘’Are you really want to do this?’’ Maverick asked. Asena take a sip from the plastic cup filled with brunch punch ‘’If i was not ready, i wouldn’t say that right?’’ She looked at him ‘’I’ve made a mistake to start dating with you at the first place...I have no problem to make my mistake worse.’’ She said with a smile. Maverick chuckled and put his arm on her shoulder ‘’Okay then..’’ he looked at the operators start gathering up front of the Christmas tree to get a picture ‘’So, when are we going to have a son?’’ He asked with a joking tone. 

Asena looked at him ‘’Slow down cowboy, we still got a long way ahead of us.’’ She take a step forward, grab his hand again ‘’Also i think you meant daughter, not son.’’ Start walking towards the group ‘’Both works for me..’’ Maverick said following her. 

As Dokkaebi prepared the camera, Maverick and Asena take their place at the middle of the group standing behind the crouching Rook and Twitch. Finally Dokkaebi prepared the machine, as the countdown started she ran back to her spot ‘’Alright people, Say Merry Christmas! In 3….2...1…’’

‘’MERRY CHRISTMAS!’’

[unsettlingshortstories]

Quitters, Inc.

Stephen King (1978)

Morrison was waiting for someone who was hung up in the air traffic jam over Kennedy International when he saw a familiar face at the end of the bar and walked down.

'Jimmy? Jimmy McCann?'

It was. A little heavier than when Morrison had seen him at the Atlanta Exhibition the year before, but otherwise he looked awesomely fit. In college he had been a thin, pallid chain smoker buried behind huge horn-rimmed glasses. He had apparently switched to contact lenses.

'Dick Morrison?'

'Yeah. You look great.' He extended his hand and they shook.

'So do you,' McCann said, but Morrison knew it was a lie. He had been overworking, overeating, and smoking too much. 'What are you drinking?'

'Bourbon and bitters,' Morrison said. He hooked his feet around a bar stool and lighted a cigarette. 'Meeting someone, Jimmy?'

'No. Going to Miami for a conference. A heavy client. Bills six million. I'm supposed to hold his hand because we lost out on a big special next spring.'

'Are you still with Crager and Barton?'

'Executive veep now.'

'Fantastic! Congratulations! When did all this happen?' He tried to tell himself that the little worm of jealousy in his stomach was just acid indigestion. He pulled out a roll of antacid pills and crunched one in his mouth.

'Last August. Something happened that changed my life.' He looked speculatively at Morrison and sipped his drink. 'You might be interested.'

My God, Morrison thought with an inner wince. Jimmy McCann's got religion.

'Sure,' he said, and gulped at his drink when it came. 'I wasn't in very good shape,' McCann said. 'Personal problems with Sharon, my.dad died - heart attack - and I'd developed this hacking cough. Bobby Crager dropped by my office one day and gave me a fatherly little pep talk. Do you remember what those are like?'

'Yeah.' He had worked at Crager and Barton for eighteen months before joining the Morton Agency. 'Get your butt in gear or get your butt out.'

McCann laughed. 'You know it. Well, to put the capper on it, the doc told me I had an incipient ulcer. He told me to quit smoking.'

McCann grimaced. 'Might as well tell me to quit breathing.'

Morrison nodded in perfect understanding. Non-smokers could afford to be smug. He looked at his own cigarette with distaste and stubbed it out, knowing he would be lighting another in five minutes.

'Did you quit?' He asked.

'Yes, I did. At first I didn't think I'd be able to - I was cheating like hell. Then I met a guy who told me about an outfit over on

Fortysixth Street. Specialists. I said what do I have to lose and went over. I haven't smoked since.'

Morrison's eyes widened. 'What did they do? Fill you full of some drug?'

'No.' He had taken out his wallet and was rummaging through it. 'Here it is. I knew I had one kicking around.' He laid a plain white business card on the bar between them.

Stop Going Up in Smoke!

237 East 46th Street

Treatments by Appointment

'Keep it, if you want,' McCann said. 'They'll cure you. Guaranteed.'

'How?'

'I can't tell you,' McCann said.

'Huh? Why not?'

'It's part of the contract they make you sign. Anyway, they tell you how it works when they interview you.' 'You signed a contract?' McCann nodded.

'And on the basis of that -'

'Yep.' He smiled at Morrison, who thought: Well, it's happened. Jim McCann has joined the smug bastards.

'Why the great secrecy if this outfit is so fantastic? How come I've never seen any spots on TV, billboards, magazine ads -'

'They get all the clients they can handle by word of mouth.'

'You're an advertising man, Jimmy. You can't believe that.'

'I do,' McCann said. 'They have a ninety-eight per cent cure rate.'

'Wait a second,' Morrison said. He motioned for another drink and lit a cigarette. 'Do these guys strap you down and make you smoke until you throw up?'

'No.'

'Give you something so that you get sick every time you light -'

'No, it's nothing like that. Go and see for yourself.' He gestured at Morrison's cigarette. 'You don't really like that, do you?'

'Nooo, but -'

'Stopping really changed things for me,' McCann said. 'I don't suppose it's the same for everyone, but with me it was just like dominoes falling over. I felt better and my relationship with Sharon improved. I had more energy, and my job performance picked up.'

'Look, you've got my curiosity aroused. Can't you just -' 'I'm sorry, Dick. I really can't talk about it.' His voice was firm.

'Did you put on any weight?'

For a moment he thought Jimmy McCann looked almost grim. 'Yes. A little too much, in fact. But I took it off again. I'm about right now. I was skinny before.'

'Flight 206 now boarding at Gate 9,' the loudspeaker announced.

'That's me,' McCann said, getting up. He tossed a five on the bar. 'Have another, if you like. And think about what I said, Dick.

Really.' And then he was gone, making his way through the crowd to the escalators. Morrison picked up the card, looked at it thoughtfully, then tucked it away in his wallet and forgot it.

The card fell out of his wallet and on to another bar a month later. He had left the office early and had come here to drink the afternoon away. Things had not been going so well at the Morton Agency. In fact, things were bloody horrible.

He gave Henry a ten to pay for his drink, then picked up the small card and reread it - 237 East Forty-sixth Street was only two blocks over; it was a cool, sunny October day outside, and maybe, just for chuckles -When Henry brought his change, he finished his drink and then went for a walk.

Quitters, Inc., was in a new building where the monthly rent on office space was probably close to Morrison's yearly salary. From the directory in the lobby, it looked to him like their offices took up one whole floor, and that spelled money. Lots of it.

He took the elevator up and stepped off into a lushly carpeted foyer and from there into a gracefully appointed reception room with a wide window that looked out on the scurrying bugs below. Three men and one woman sat in the chairs along the walls, reading magazines. Business types, all of them. Morrison went to the desk.

'A friend gave me this,' he said, passing the card to the receptionist. 'I guess you'd say he's an alumnus.'

She smiled and rolled a form into her typewriter. 'What is your name, sir?'

'Richard Morrison.'

Clack-clackety-clack. But very muted clacks; the typewriter was an IBM.

'Your address?'

'Twenty-nine Maple Lane, Clinton, New York.'

'Married?'

'Yes.'

'Children?'

'One.' He thought of Alvin and frowned slightly. 'One' was the wrong word. 'A half' might be better. His son was mentally retarded and lived at a special school in New Jersey.

'Who recommended us to you, Mr Morrison?'

'An old school friend. James McCann.'

'Very good. Will you have a seat? It's been a very busy day.'

'All right.'

He sat between the woman, who was wearing a severe blue suit, and a young executive type wearing a herring-bone jacket and modish sideburns. He took out his pack of cigarettes, looked around, and saw there were no ashtrays.

He put the pack away again. That was all right. He would see this little game through and then light up while he was leaving. He might even tap some ashes on their maroon shag rug if they made him wait long enough. He picked up a copy of Time and began to leaf through it.

He was called a quarter of an hour later, after the woman in the blue suit. His nicotine centre was speaking quite loudly now. A man who had come in after him took out a cigarette case, snapped it open, saw there were no ashtrays, and put it away looking a little guilty, Morrison thought. It made him feel better.

At last the receptionist gave him a sunny smile and said, 'Go right in, Mr Morrison.'

Morrison walked through the door beyond her desk and found himself in an indirectly lit hallway. A heavy-set man with white hair that looked phoney shook his hand, smiled affably, and said, 'Follow me, Mr Morrison.'

He led Morrison past a number of closed, unmarked doors and then opened one of them about halfway down the hall with a key.

Beyond the door was an austere little room walled with drilled white cork panels. The only furnishings were a desk with a chair on either side. There was what appeared to be a small oblong window in the wall behind the desk, but it was covered with a short green curtain. There was a picture on the wall to Morrison's left -a tall man with iron-grey hair. He was holding a sheet of paper in one hand.

He looked vaguely familiar.

'I'm Vic Donatti,' the heavy-set man said. 'If you decide to go ahead with our programme, I'll be in charge of your case.' 'Pleased to know you,' Morrison said. He wanted a cigarette very badly.

'Have a seat.'

Donatti put the receptionist's form on the desk, and then drew another form from the desk drawer. He looked directly into Morrison's eyes. 'Do you want to quit smoking?'

Morrison cleared his throat, crossed his legs, and tried to think of a way to equivocate. He couldn't. 'Yes,' he said.

'Will you sign this?' He gave Morrison the form. He scanned it quickly. The undersigned agrees not to divulge the methods or techniques or et cetera, et cetera.

'Sure,' he said, and Donatti put a pen in his hand. He scratched his name, and Donatti signed below it. A moment later the paper disappeared back into the desk drawer. Well, he thought ironically, I've taken the pledge.

He had taken it before. Once it had lasted for two whole days.

'Good,' Donatti said. 'We don't bother with propaganda here, Mr Morrison. Questions of health or expense or social grace. We have no interest in why you want to stop smoking. We are pragmatists.' 'Good,' Morrison said blankly.

'We employ no drugs. We employ no Dale Carnegie people to sermonize you. We recommend no special diet. And we accept no payment until you have stopped smoking for one year.' 'My God,' Morrison said.

'Mr McCann didn't tell you that?'

'No.'

'How is Mr McCann, by the way? Is he well?'

'He's fine.'

'Wonderful. Excellent. Now . . . just a few questions, Mr Morrison. These are somewhat personal, but I assure you that your answers will be held in strictest confidence.'

'Yes?' Morrison asked noncommittally.

'What is your wife's name?'

'Lucinda Morrison. Her maiden name was Ramsey.'

'Do you love her?'

Morrison looked up sharply, but Donatti was looking at him blandly. 'Yes, of course,' he said.

'Have you ever had marital problems? A separation, perhaps?'

'What has that got to do with kicking the habit?' Morrison asked. He sounded a little angrier than he had intended, but he wanted - hell, he needed - a cigarette.

'A great deal,' Donatti said. 'Just bear with me.'

'No. Nothing like that.' Although things had been a little tense just lately.

'You just have the one child?'

'Yes. Alvin. He's in a private school.'

'And which school is it?'

'That,' Morrison said grimly, 'I'm not going to tell you.'

'All right,' Donatti said agreeably. He smiled disarmingly at Morrison. 'All your q~estions will be answered tomorrow at your first treatment.'

'How nice,' Morrison said, and stood.

'One final question,' Donatti said. 'You haven't had a cigarette for over an hour. How do you feel?'

'Fine,' Morrison lied. 'Just fine.'

'Good for you!' Donatti exclaimed. He stepped around the desk and opened the door. 'Enjoy them tonight. After tomorrow, you'll never smoke again.'

'Is that right?'

'Mr Morrison,' Donatti said solemnly, 'we guarantee it.'

He was sitting in the outer office of Quitters, Inc. ,the next day promptly at three. He had spent most of the day swinging between skipping the appointment the receptionist had made for him on the way out and going in a spirit of mulish co-operation - Throw your best pitch at me, buster.

In the end, something Jimmy McCann had said convinced him to keep the appointment - It changed my whole fife. God knew his own life could do with some changing. And then there was his own curiosity. Before going up in the elevator, he smoked a cigarette down to the filter. Too damn bad if it's the last one, he thought. It tasted horrible.

The wait in the outer office was shorter this time. When the receptionist told him to go in, Donatti was waiting. He offered his hand and smiled, and to Morrison the smile looked almost predatory. He began to feel a little tense, and that made him wa~t a

cigarette.

'Come with me,' Donatti said, and led the way down to the small room. He sat behind the desk again, and Morrison took the other chair.

'I'm very glad you came,' Donatti said. 'A great many prospective clients never show up again after the initial interview. They discover they don't want to quit as badly as they thought. It's going to be a pleasure to work with you on this.'

'When does the treatment start?' Hypnosis, he was thinking. It must be hypnosis.

'Oh, it already has. It started when we shook hands in the hall. Do you have cigarettes with you, Mr Morrison?'

'Yes.'

'May I have them, please?'

Shrugging, Morrison handed Donatti his pack. There were only two or three left in it, anyway.

Donatti put the pack on the desk. Then, smiling into Morrison's eyes, he curled his right hand into a fist and began to hammer it down on the pack of cigarettes, which twisted and flattened. A broken cigarette end flew out. Tobacco crumbs spilled. The sound of Donatti's fist was very loud in the closed room. The smile remained on his face in spite of the force of the blows, and Morrison was chilled by it. Probably just the effect they want to inspire, he thought.

At last Donatti ceased pounding. He picked up the pack, a twisted and battered ruin. 'You wouldn't believe the pleasure that gives me,' he said, and dropped the pack into the wastebasket. 'Even after three years in the business, it still pleases me.'

'As a treatment, it leaves something to be desired. Morrison said mildly. 'There's a news-stand in the lobby of this very building.

And they sell all brands.'

'As you say,' Donatti said. He folded his hands. 'Your son, Alvin Dawes Morrison, is in the Paterson School for Handicapped Children. Born with cranial brain damage. Tested IQ of 46. Not quite in the educable retarded category. Your wife -, 'How did you find that out?' Morrison barked. He was startled and angry. 'You've got no goddamn right to go poking around my -' 'We know a lot about you,' Donatti said smoothly. 'But, as I said, it will all be held in strictest confidence.' 'I'm getting out of here,' Morrison said thinly. He stood up.

'Stay a bit longer.'

Morrison looked at him closely. Donatti wasn't upset. In fact, he looked a little amused. The face of a man who has seen this reaction scores of times - maybe hundreds.

'All right. But it better be good.'

'Oh, it is.' Donatti leaned back. 'I told you we were pragmatists here. As pragmatists, we have to start by realizing how difficult it is to cure an addiction to tobacco. The relapse rate is almost eight-five per cent. The relapse rate for heroin addicts is lower than that. It is an extraordinary problem. Extraordinary.'

Morrison glanced into the wastebasket. One of the cigarettes, although twisted, still looked smokeable.

Donatti laughed good-naturedly, reached into the wastebasket, and broke it between his fingers.

'State legislatures sometimes hear a request that the prison systems do away with the weekly cigarette ration. Such proposals are invariably defeated. In a few cases where they have passed, there have been fierce prison riots. Riots, Mr Morrison. Imagine it.' 'I,' Morrison said, 'am not surprised.'

'But consider the implications. When you put a man in prison you take away any normal sex life, you take away his liquor, his politics, his freedom of movement. No riots - or few in comparison to the number of prisons. But when you take away his cigarettes - wham! bam!' He slammed his fist on the desk for emphasis.

'During World War I, when no one on the German home front could get cigarettes, the sight of German aristocrats picking butts out of the gutter was a common one. During World War II, many American women turned to pipes when they were unable to obtain cigarettes. A fascinating problem for the true pragmatist, Mr Morrison.'

'Could we get to the treatment?'

'Momentarily. Step over here, please.' Donatti had risen and was standing by the green curtains Morrison had noticed yesterday.

Donatti drew the curtains, discovering a rectangular window that looked into a bare room. No, not quite bare. There was a rabbit on the floor, eating pellets out of a dish.

'Pretty bunny,' Morrison commented.

'Indeed. Watch him.' Donatti pressed a button by the window-sill. The rabbit stopped eating and began to hop about crazily. It seemed to leap higher each time its feet struck the floor. Its fur stood out spikily in all directions. Its eyes were wild.

'Stop that! You're electrocuting him!'

Donatti released the button. 'Far from it. There's a very low-yield charge in the floor. Watch the rabbit, Mr Morrison!'

The rabbit was crouched about ten feet away from the dish of pellets. His nose wriggled. All at once he hopped away into a corner.

'If the rabbit gets a jolt often enough while he's eating,' Donatti said, 'he makes the association very quickly. Eating causes pain. Therefore, he won't eat. A few more shocks, and the rabbit will starve to death in front of his food. It's called aversion training.' Light dawned in Morrison's head.

'No, thanks.' He started for the door.

'Wait, please, Morrison.'

Morrison didn't pause. He grasped the doorknob . and felt it slip solidly through his hand. 'Unlock this.' 'Mr Morrison, if you'll just sit down -'

'Unlock this door or I'll have the cops on you before you can say Marlboro Man.' 'Sit down.' The voice was as cold as shaved ice.

Morrison looked at Donatti. His brown eyes were muddy and frightening. My God, he thought, I'm locked in here with a psycho. He licked his lips. He wanted a cigarette more than he ever had in his life.

'Let me explain the treatment in more detail,' Donatti said.

'You don't understand,' Morrison said with counterfeit patience. 'I don't want the treatment. I've decided against it.'

'No, Mr Morrison. You're the one who doesn't understand. You don't have any choice. When I told you the treatment had already begun, I was speaking the literal truth. I would have thought you'd tipped to that by now.' 'You're crazy,' Morrison said wonderingly.

'No. Only a pragmatist. Let me tell you all about the treatment.'

'Sure,' Morrison said. 'As long as you understand that as soon as I get out of here I'm going to buy five packs of cigarettes and smoke them all on the way to the police station.' He suddenly realized he was biting his thumb-nail, sucking on it, and made himself stop.

'As you wish. But I think you'll change your mind when you see the whole picture.' Morrison said nothing. He sat down again and folded his hands.

'For the first month of the treatment, our operatives will have you under constant supervision,' Donatti said. 'You'll be able to spot some of them. Not all. But they'll always be with you. Always. If they see you smoke a cigarette, I get a call.'

'And I suppose you bring me here and do the old rabbit trick,' Morrison said. He tried to sound cold and sarcastic, but he suddenly felt horribly frightened. This was a nightmare.

'Oh, no,' Donatti said. 'Your wife gets the rabbit trick, not you.' Morrison looked at him dumbly.

Donatti smiled. 'You,' he said, 'get to watch.'

After Donatti let him out, Morrison walked for over two hours in a complete daze. It was another fine day, but he didn't notice. The monstrousness of Donatti's smiling face blotted out all else.

'You see,' he had said, 'a pragmatic problem demands pragmatic solutions. You must realize we have your best interests at heart.

Quitters, Inc., according to Donatti, was a sort of foundation - a non-profit organization begun by the man in the wall portrait. The gentleman had been extremely successful in several family businesses - including slot machines, massage parlours, numbers, and a brisk (although clandestine) trade between New York and Turkey. Mort 'Three-Fingers' Minelli had been a heavy smoker - up in the three-pack-a-day range. The paper he was holding in the picture was a doctor's diagnosis: lung cancer. Mort had died in 1970, after endowing Quitters, Inc., with family funds.

'We try to keep as close to breaking even as possible,' Donatti had said. 'But we're more interested in helping our fellow man. And of course, it's a great tax angle.'

The treatment was chillingly simple. A first offence and Cindy would be brought to what Donatti called 'the rabbit room'. A second offence, and Morrison would get the dose. On a third offence, both of them would be brought in together. A fourth offence would show grave co-operation problems and would require sterner measures. An operative would be sent to Alvin's school to work the boy over.

'Imagine,' Donatti said, smiling, 'how horrible it will be for the boy. He wouldn't understand it even jf someone explained. He'll only know someone is hurting him because Daddy was bad. He'll be very frightened.'

'You bastard,' Morrison said helplessly. He felt close to tears. 'You dirty, filthy bastard.'

'Don't misunderstand,' Donatti said. He was smiling sympathetically. 'I'm sure it won't happen. Forty per cent of our clients never have to be disciplined at all - and only ten per cent have more than three falls from grace. Those are reassuring figures, aren't they?'

Morrison didn't find them reassuring. He found them terrifying.

'Of course, if you transgress a fifth time -'

'What do you mean?'

Donatti beamed. 'The room for you and your wife, a second beating for your son, and a beating for your wife.'

Morrison, driven beyond the point of rational consideration, lunged over the desk at Donatti. Donatti moved with amazing speed for a man who had apparently been completely relaxed. He shoved the chair backwards and drove both of his feet over the desk and into Morrison's belly. Gagging and coughing, Morrison staggered backward.

'Sit down, Mr Morrison,' Donatti said benignly. 'Let's talk this over like rational men.'

When he could get his breath, Morrison did as he was told. Nightmares had to end some time, didn't they?

Quitters, Inc., Donatti had explained further, operated on a ten-step punishment scale. Steps six, seven, and eight consisted of further trips to the rabbit room (and increased voltage) and more serious beatings. The ninth step would be the breaking of his son's arms.

'And the tenth?' Morrison asked, his mouth dry.

Donatti shook his head sadly. 'Then we give up, Mr Morrison. You become part of the unregenerate two per cent.'

'You really give up?'

'In a manner of speaking.' He opened one of the desk drawers and laid a silenced .45 on the desk. He smiled into Morrison's eyes. 'But even the unregenerate two per cent never smoke again. We guarantee it.'

The Friday Night Movie was Bullitt, one of Cindy's favourites, but after an hour of Morrison's mutterings and fidgetings, her concentration was broken.

'What's the matter with you?' she asked during station identification.

'Nothing . . . everything,' he growled. 'I'm giving up smoking.'

She laughed. 'Since when? Five minutes ago?'

'Since three o'clock this afternoon.'

'You really haven't had a cigarette since then?'

'No,' he said, and began to gnaw his thumb-nail. It was ragged, down to the quick.

'That's wonderful! What ever made you decide to quit?'

'You,' he said. 'And. . . and Alvin.'

Her eyes widened, and when the movie came back on, she didn't notice. Dick rarely mentioned their retarded son. She came over, looked at the empty ashtray by his right hand, and then into his eyes: 'Are you really trying to quit, Dick?'

'Really.' And if I go to the cops, he added mentally, the local goon squad will be around to rearrange your face, Cindy.

'I'm glad. Even if you don't make it, we both thank you for the thought, Dick.'

'Oh, I think I'll make it,' he said, thinking of the muddy, homicidal look that had come into Donatti's eyes when he kicked him in the stomach.

He slept badly that night, dozing in and out of sleep. Around three o'clock he woke up completely. His craving for a cigarette was like a low-grade fever. He went downstairs and to his study. The room was in the middle of the house. No windows. He slid open the top drawer of his desk and looked in, fascinated by the cigarette box. He looked around and licked his lips.

Constant supervision during the first month, Donatti had said. Eighteen hours a day during the next two - but he would never know which eighteen. During the fourth month, the month when most clients backslid, the 'service' would return to twenty-four hours a day.

Then twelve hours of broken surveillance each day for the rest of the year. After that? Random surveillance for the rest of the client's life.

For the rest of his life.

'We may audit you every other month,' Donatti said. 'Or every other day. Or constantly for one week two years from now. The point is, you won't know. If you smoke, you'll be gambling with loaded dice. Are they watching? Are they picking up my wife or sending a man after my son right now? Beautiful, isn't it? And if you do sneak a smoke, it'll taste awful. It will taste like your son's blood.'

But they couldn't be watching now, in the dead of night, in his own study. The house was grave-quiet.

He looked at the cigarettes in the box for almost two minutes, unable to tear his gaze away. Then he went to the study door, peered out into the empty hall, and went back to look at the cigarettes some more. A horrible picture came: his life stretching before him and not a cigarette to be found. How in the name of God was he ever going to be able to make another tough presentation to a wary client, without that cigarette burning nonchalantly between his fingers as he approached the charts and layouts? How would he be able to endure Cindy's endless garden shows without a cigarette? How could he even get up in the morning and face the day without a cigarette to smoke as he drank his coffee and read the paper?

He cursed himself for getting into this. He cursed Donatti. And most of all, he cursed Jimmy McCann. How could he have done it?

The son of a bitch had known. His hands trembled in their desire to get hold of Jimmy Judas McCann.

Stealthily, he glanced around the study again. He reached into the drawer and brought out a cigarette. He caressed it, fondled it. What was that old slogan? So round, so firm, so fully packed. Truer words had never been spoken. He put the cigarette in his mouth and then paused, cocking his head.

Had there been the slightest noise from the closet? A faint shifting? Surely not. But -Another mental image - that rabbit hopping crazily in the grip of electricity. The thought of Cindy in that room -He listened desperately and heard nothing. He told himself that all he had to do was go to the closet door and yank it open. But he was too afraid of what he might find. He went back to bed but didn't sleep for a long time.

In spite of how lousy he felt in the morning, breakfast tasted good. After a moment's hesitation, he followed his customary bowl of cornflakes with scrambled eggs. He was grumpily washing out the pan when Cindy came downstairs in her robe.

'Richard Morrison! You haven't eaten an egg for break-fast since Hector was a pup.

Morrison grunted. He considered since Hector was a pup to be one of Cindy's stupider sayings, on a par with I should smile and kiss a pig.

'Have you smoked yet?' she asked, pouring orange juice.

'No.'

'You'll be back on them by noon,' she proclaimed airily. 'Lot of goddamn help you are!' he rasped, rounding on her. 'You and anyone else who doesn't smoke, you all think ah, never mind.'

He expected her to be angry, but she was looking at him F with something like wonder. 'You're really serious,' she said. 'You really are.'

'You bet I am.' You'll never know how serious. I hope.

'Poor baby,' she said, going to him. 'You look like death warmed over. But I'm very proud.' Morrison held her tightly.

Scenes from the life of Richard Morrison, October-November:

Morrison and a crony from Larkin Studios at Jack Dempsey's bar. Crony offers a cigarette. Morrison grips his glass a little more tightly and says: I'm quitting. Crony laughs and says: I give you a week.

Morrison waiting for the morning train, looking over the top of the Times at a young man in a blue suit. He sees the young man almost every morning now, and sometimes at other places. At Onde's, where he is meeting a client. Looking at 45s in Sam Goody's, where Morrison is looking for a Sam Cooke album. Once in a foursome behind Morrison's group at the local golf course.

Morrison getting drunk at a party, wanting a cigarette -but not quite drunk enough to take one.

Morrison visiting his son, bringing him a large ball that squeaked when you squeezed it. His son's slobbering, delighted kiss.

Somehow not as repulsive as before. Hugging his son tightly, realizing what Donatti and his colleagues had so cynically realized before him: love is the most pernicious drug of all. Let the romantics debate its existence. Pragmatists accept it and use it.

Morrison losing the physical compulsion to smoke little by little, but never quite losing the psychological craving, or the need to have something in his mouth - cough drops, Life Savers, a tooth-pick. Poor substitutes, all of them.

And finally, Morrison hung up in a colossal traffic jam in the Midtown Tunnel. Darkness. Horns blaring. Air stinking. Traffic hopelessly snarled. And suddenly, thumbing open the glove compartment and seeing the half-open pack of cigarettes in there. He looked at them for a moment, then snatched one and lit it with the dashboard lighter. If anything happens, it's Cindy's fault, he told himself defiantly. I told her to get rid of all the damn cigarettes.

The first drag made him cough smoke out furiously. The second made his eyes water. The third made him feel light-headed and swoony. It tastes awful, he thought.

And on the heels of that: My God, what am I doing?

Horns blatted impatiently behind him. Ahead, the traffic had begun to move again. He stubbed the cigarette out in the ashtray, opened both front windows, opened the vents, and then fanned the air helplessly like a kid who has just flushed his first butt down the john.

He joined the traffic flow jerkily and. drove home.

'Cindy?' he called. 'I'm home.' No answer.

'Cindy? Where are you, hon?'

The phone rang, and he pounced on it. 'Hello? Cindy?'

'Hello, Mr Morrison,' Donatti said. He sounded pleasantly brisk and businesslike. 'It seems we have a small business matter to attend to. Would five o'clock be convenient?'

'Have you got my wife?'

'Yes, indeed.' Donatti chuckled indulgently.

'Look, let her go,' Morrison babbled. 'It won't happen again. It was a slip, just a slip, that's all. I only had three drags and for God's sake it didn't even taste good!'

'That's a shame. I'll count on you for five then, shall I?'

'Please,' Morrison said, close to tears. 'Please -He was speaking to a dead line.

At 5p.m. the reception room was empty except for the secretary, who gave him a twinkly smile that ignored Morrison's pallor and dishevelled appearance. 'Mr Donatti?' she said into the intercom. 'Mr Morrison to see you.' She nodded to Morrison. 'Go right in.'

Donatti was waiting outside the unmarked room with a man who was wearing a SMILE sweatshirt and carrying a .38. He was built like an ape.

'Listen,' Morrison said to Donatti. 'We can work something out, can't we? I'll pay you. I'll-' 'Shaddap,' the man in the SMILE sweatshirt said.

'It's good to see you,' Donatti said. 'Sorry it has to be under such adverse circumstances. Will you come with me? We'll make this as brief as possible. I can assure you your wife won't be hurt. . . this time.' Morrison tensed himself to leap at Donatti.

'Come, come,' Donatti said, looking annoyed. 'If you do that, Junk here is going to pistol-whip you and your wife is still going to get it. Now where's the percentage in that?'

'I hope you rot in hell,' he told Donatti.

Donatti sighed. 'If I had a nickel for every time someone expressed a similar sentiment, I could retire. Let it be a lesson to you, Mr Morrison. When a romantic tries to do a good thing and fails, they give him a medal. When a pragmatist succeeds, they wish him in hell. Shall we go?'

Junk motioned with the pistol.

Morrison preceded them into the room. He felt numb.

The small green curtain had been pulled. Junk prodded him with the gun. This is what being a witness at the gas chamber must have been like, he thought.

He looked in. Cindy was there, looking around bewilderedly.

'Cindy!' Morrison called miserably. 'Cindy, they -'

'She can't hear or see you,' Donatti said. 'One-way glass. Well, let's get it over with. It really was a very small slip. I believe thirty seconds should be enough. Junk?'

Junk pressed the button with one hand and kept the pistol jammed firmly into Morrison's back with the other.

It was the longest thirty seconds of his life.

When it was over, Donatti put a hand on Morrison's shoulder and said, 'Are you going to throw up?'

'No,' Morrison said weakly. His forehead was against the glass. His legs were jelly. 'I don't think so.' He turned around and saw that

Junk was gone.

'Come with me,' Donatti said.

'Where?' Morrison asked apathetically.

'I think you have a few things to explain, don't you?'

'How can I face her? How can I tell her that I. . .I . . 'I think you're going to be surprised,' Donatti said.

The room was empty except for a sofa. Cindy was on it, sobbing helplessly.

'Cindy?' he said gently.

She looked up, her eyes magnified by tears. 'Dick?' she whispered. 'Dick? Oh . . . Oh God . . .' He held her tightly. 'Two men,' she said against his chest. 'In the house and at first I thought they were burglars and then I thought they were going to rape me and then they took me someplace with a blindfold over my eyes and. . . and. . . oh it was h-horrible -' 'Shhh,' he said. 'Shhh.'

'But why?' she asked, looking up at him. 'Why would they -'

'Because of me,' he said 'I have to tell you a story, Cindy -'

When he had finished he was silent a moment and then said, 'I suppose you hate me. I wouldn't blame you.'

He was looking at the floor, and she took his face in both hands and turned it to hers. 'No,' she said. 'I don't hate you.' He looked at her in mute surprise.

'It was worth it,' she said. 'God bless these people. They've let you out of prison.'

'Do you mean that?'

'Yes,' she said, and kissed him. 'Can we go home now? I feel much better. Ever so much.'

The phone rang one evening a week later, and when Morrison recognized Donatti's voice, he said, 'Your boys have got it wrong. I haven't even been near a cigarette.'

'We know that. We have a final matter to talk over. Can you stop by tomorrow afternoon?'

'Is it -,

'No, nothing serious. Book-keeping really. By the way, congratulations on your promotion.'

'How did you know about that?'

'We're keeping tabs,' Donatti said noncommittally, and hungup.

When they entered the small room, Donatti said, 'Don't look so nervous. No one's going to bite you. Step over here, please.'

Morrison saw an ordinary bathroom scale. 'Listen, I've gained a little weight, but -'

'Yes, seventy-three per cent of our clients do. Step up, please.' Morrison did, and tipped the scales at one seventy-four.

'Okay, fine. You can step off. How tall are you, Mr Morrison?'

'Five-eleven.'

'Okay, let's see.' He pulled a small card laminated in plastic from his breast pocket. 'Well, that's not too bad. I'm going to write you a prescrip for some highly illegal diet pills. Use them sparingly and according to directions. And I'm going to set your maximum weight at. . . let's see . .

He consulted the card again. 'One eighty-two, how does that sound? And since this is December first, I'll expect you the first of every month for a weigh-in. No problem if you can't make it, as long as you call in advance.'

'And what happens if I go over one-eighty-two?'

Donatti smiled. 'We'll send someone out to your house to cut off your wife's little finger,' he said. 'You can leave through this door, Mr Morrison. Have a nice day.' Eight months later:

Morrison runs into the crony from the Larkin Studios at Dempsey's bar. Morrison is down to what Cindy proudly calls his fighting weight: one sixty-seven. He works out three times a week and looks as fit as whipcord. The crony from Larkin, by comparison, looks like something the cat dragged in.

Crony: Lord, how'd you ever stop? I'm locked into this damn habit tighter than Tillie. The crony stubs his cigarette out with real revulsion and drains his scotch.

Morrison looks at him speculatively and then takes a small white business card out of his wallet. He puts it on the bar between them.

You know, he says, these guys changed my life.

Twelve months later:

Morrison receives a bill in the mail. The bill says:

QUITTERS, INC.

237 East 46th Street

New York, N.Y. 10017

1 Treatment $2500.00

Counsellor (Victor Donatti) $2500.00

Electricity $ .50

TOTAL (Please pay this amount) $5000.50

Those sons of bitches! he explodes. They charged me for the electricity they used to. . . to Just pay it, she says, and kisses him.

Twenty months later:

Quite by accident, Morrison and his wife meet the Jimmy McCanns at the Helen Hayes Theatre. Introductions are made all around.

Jimmy looks as good, if not better than he did on that day in the airport terminal so long ago. Morrison has never met his wife. She is pretty in the radiant way plain girls sometimes have when they are very, very happy.

She offers her hand and Morrison shakes it. There is something odd about her grip, and halfway through the second act, he realizes what it was. The little finger on her right hand is missing.

[shadcatmastered]

Kid x Law - Fanfiction - New Year's Eve

Law knew why he was sitting here alone. Which did not mean that it depressed him less. The people in the small bar all looked at the clock. Laughing, roaring, drunk and especially in each other's arms. 10 minutes to go. The black-haired man tensed his shoulders and drained his cocktail before trying to order one more from the bartender. However, he was so involved in a conversation with two women, that he would not even have noticed a thirsty. Law sighed as he forced his gaze to the small TV in the corner. He had previously looked too far in the bar to find he was surrounded by a sea of ​​couples. Of course, who spent New Year's Eve alone? Except the forsaken? No, Law had no break up. Not in the classical sense. He had just realized that he had missed something. Something essential. He noticed it only a few months ago and now he couldn’t do anything about it. The black-haired had enough friends and enough acquaintances. One would think that he would not have to spend a single minute alone, which he did not want to spend alone. However, it was this darn old age. At least he blamed it. Three of his friends had been married in the last two years. Two sat with little children at home. Another of his friends spent New Year's Eve with the family of his fiancée. And the other two celebrated with their respective partners. When the demand came, what he was doing on New Year's Eve, he had shrugged at first, meaning he would still see. When he had now received pitying looks and politely declined the half-hearted invitation he had begun to lie. He told his friends that he had been invited to a party of a new friend. He did not want pity or anyone who forced himself to spend time with him. Only there was no party. There was only him and that cocktail he had drunk. Then he spent New Year alone. How bad could that be? ...very bad. With an evil eye, he looked to the bartender, but he ignored him as skillfully as if he had never had guests before. Law looked down at the hanging tits of the two women pejoratively. At one you could even see the chest. But as drunk as she was, she would not even notice if she was naked. Probably even not when a guy just pushed his cock into her overly wide hole. Guaranteed she wanted to go to bed with this bartender. And took the girl friend with her, who knew where the XXL dildo was hidden, that this worn hole could be filled anyway somehow. That was mean. Damn, he wanted a drink! Law had no relationship. Honestly, he had never had one. He could not even say exactly how it had happened. He probably had missed that, too. He had felt the last hints of falling in love with his school days. Yes, indeed. At the age of 14, he'd been terribly in love for the first time. In a good-looking boy, who only sat in front of him. That was also the year when his grades were worse than ever. Law did not watch in the classroom. No piece. He just sat there, dreamily watching the boy from behind. Imagine what it would be like to touch him. And my god, what it would be like to kiss this one. Now and then little giggles came over his lips and he painted his block full of hearts. Bandaged their initials and wrote love letters at home, carrying them in his satchel. If he was brave enough, he would eventually give the letters to his chosen one. Law had never bothered to be gay. He was enlightened enough to know even at this age that there were homosexual people. This was nothing special, just a fact. Although he was aware at that age that there were far fewer gay than heterosexual sexual men. But what that really meant, Law had not understood at the time. His head had simply not understood that it was very unlikely that the other boy was also interested in the same sex. The end of the song was, that he was staring at his mobile number in one of many nights. His class had a WhatsApp group and his number was the first one he had saved. Marius. Right. That was his name. Now he remembered again. With exciting trembling fingers and his stupid boy's heart, which almost jumped out of his chest, he sent a message, whether he wanted to come visit him. And Marius agreed. Law did not sleep that night. No, he was happy, wept with excitement and had the first 'real' erection of his life. Marius came by two days later. They gambled his favorite PC game with Splittscreen. A stupid car game, as he remembered today. They drove a taxi and had to get the customers to their destination as soon as possible. There were points for the fastest time and for the most destructions. Marius had smiled at the game but played along. Law remembered how happy he had been. His mother... YES, his mother had brought them two little Pepsis and with these in their hands they wanted to go to town. Until his mother solemnly ordered them to take Lamy with them. She was thrilled to be crazy because her big brother had recently spent much less time with her than ever through all his daydreaming. But Law was just horrified. His little sister on a date?! Of course, the look of his mother had not allowed a contradiction and so they had gone to three in the city. There was a pool table in a squalid internet café in the city where you could play for little money. There they went. And in Law's memories, It was a nice afternoon. Marius often smiled, though his gaze seemed to say even more often that he had somehow imagined it all more as a shooter play among mates. After half an hour this indicated that he would rather take the earlier train and go. Of course, Law and Lamy brought him to the train and Law was very close to him. Nothing happened. Of course not. Still carrying the Pepsi bottle in hand, Marius came home by train and Law's heart could not beat right for days afterwards. He wrote Marius many WhatsApp messages with inconsequential content and got... really never an answer. Of 50 messages he wrote, perhaps 4 were answered. And yet his heart of love could silence his protesting brain. Two weeks later, Law wrote a message in Marius in the middle of the night. 'I do not know how to tell you... but I fell in love with you.' Exactly three hours later he got the answer: ,I love you too.' Law could still remember the feeling right now. This pure, irrepressible happiness, which wanted to break all tracks. These suppressed screams and cheers and how his heart finally beat happy. At least until the next day of school. That school day that brought pure horror. Within that one day, the clever, nice law with which to steal horses became the biggest joke. They all knew. And they all laughed at him. Marius told everyone how Law's little sister was mentally retarded because she had come up against the wall with the billiard rack. The whole, in Law's memory so beautiful, afternoon became a pure spiteful parody against himself. It may sound ridiculous, but Law was sure that this formative event had determined his whole life. In a certain way. His love for Marius did not go away easily. She tortured him to graduation. It was no longer beautiful and innocent. It was a single ordeal that he hoped every day she would finally die away from, and no longer mind him when compared to the others. But no. It held until the last day. And then when the principle "out of sight from the mind" began and that terrible love finally passed away. Since that day, Law had managed to never fall in love again. He forbade it. Now the comments may come that one could not choose where and in whom one fell in love. But that was not the whole truth. If you locked away those emotions, deep down and erased every approach, you no longer fell in love. Although he had been so young and that love was so stupid and childish, the subsequent years of school had hurt so badly that he did not want to allow that pain under any circumstances. Who needed love and a partner when having friends? Two minutes left. The measurements of people became more restless, some already shouting out the new year. Law still had nothing to drink. Well, no relationship did not mean he had never had sex. Oh no. The black-haired man learned more than to appreciate gay bars. You drank together, you began to fumble and you had wonderful sex after and you never had to see the other again, if you did not want to. Sex without love. Perfect for the man who had given up love completely. And damn, he had had some really fantastic sex. But no, he still did not want to fall in love. What he actually wanted right now was a bit of company. Not more. He missed his friends. Even those who would promise their female partners equal to a fabulous orgasm and then fall asleep somewhere drunk before. Or not. What did he already know? He was not there. He had often lied about partnership and love. Whether with his friends or work colleagues. He did not even know why he did it. It just so happened to his blood that he kept doing it. Sometimes he told the story of a long distance relationship. Sometimes that he had recently parted with his ex because he was an asshole. Sometimes the story that he had just met someone, but it was not serious. That's what society wanted to hear. Then there were some grinned comments and the topic was forgotten again. The eternal bachelor would be talked about. But not about the man who, like everyone else, had relationship problems. It was that easy. 00.00 clock. Loud screams came through the bar. Crashes and thunder of rockets and the like roared in from the streets. Law smiled briefly. Very briefly, just for a moment. "Do you want anything else?" The black-haired man's gaze fell on the bartender, who had actually managed to move his ass towards him a few seconds past midnight. A pretty ass, admittedly. "Yeah. Give me a whiskey. " The bartender smiled and Law noticed that he had a beautiful smile. Just white teeth that shone from behind his lips. Hm. Generally, the bartender did not look bad. He was tall and muscular, and when his pants pushed against his crotch, the promise of something "big" shimmered through. And Law admired his hair color. He was wondering if they were colored. They were fire red. But as pale as his skin was, it suited a born redhead. He could not see the color of his eyes in the darkness. If the man were not so obviously oriented to women, Law would now have considered whether this one should not fuck him into the new year. The bartender put down the whiskey for him, smiled briefly again and then disappeared. Serving the celebrating crowd with such expensive liquor that she accompanied a proper bill into the New Year. Law finished his glass and went home. Alone. He had lost the desire for sex for today. He did not want anyone to vomit in his bed as soon as he woke up. In his apartment he turned on the light, took a shower and then sat down to bed with a good book. The crash of the rockets continued for hours before his windows. But Law did not care. No. He read in his book until he was tired and then lay down to sleep. And wondered why he was so depressed. He had had a nice evening. Quiet but beautiful, and he had made every decision he made today. He was not lonely. He had enough friends and most of them had found nice relationship partners too. Some of them had even fathered very sweet children. Damn annoying, but cute too. So what bothered him? Nothing. He was just tired. And who was tired quickly became sad. What the hell. Only one day off, then he could go back to work. Law slept long, although he woke up several times. The first time he opened his eyes at eight. He had a dream. Something black. He did not want to think about it, so he closed his eyes and quickly fell asleep again. At ten, he woke up next time. He could get up now... wash his hair, buy something for lunch, maybe make an appointment for the evening... well, he could. Pulling the blanket higher, the black-haired turned and fell asleep again. When he finally sat down at 12 o'clock in his bed, he sighed. He still felt depressed. This unfathomable sadness. He just explained to himself that he was not lonely and that he could prove it to himself. Even before Law was out of bed, he picked up his cell phone and called his best friend. At the other end of the line, childish preaching awaited him, and he closed his eyes as if the noise would be less. "Yeeeah?" Shrill up and without a polite performance, a bright girl voice answered and Law thought to himself that three year old was too young to answer the phone. "Can I talk to your dad?" Trying gently, Law spoke his words, whereupon silence sounded. "Hello?!" The voice repeated itself, as did Law. Another beeping: 'HELLO ?!' and the black-haired man grimaced annoyingly. Could not she even use a telephone receiver? Suddenly the child 's noise stopped and the familiar: Beep - Beep - Beep, an attached lead sounded. Law sighed and left the phone on the bed as he went to the shower. He considered who else he could call. Maybe he should try it with someone childless. Maybe it would be a sensible idea. Still with wet hair from the shower, Law went naked to his cell phone and called first the delivery service. He had found that he had no desire to go shopping or cook. He ordered spring rolls and fried rice from the Chinese before dressing, sitting down on the sofa, and then calling his friends list. Anyone for a nice last night out. One had to have time. Only one, that was enough. They used to be five or six. Most of his friends he had met during his studies. Aspiring students with high goals and even greater celebratory mood. He had never lowered himself to something like a student apartment. Honestly, most people had found him grubby, and he had no interest in completely giving up his private life. He had lived with his parents for a long time before he had had enough money to afford an apartment alone. Which did not mean he did not spend most of his student life in student residences. He was drunk, it was celebrated and then he went his way again. Just as he wanted. There had been no long phone calls back then. No hours of planning. Five minutes before going out, they wrote a message to the WhatsApp group and everyone was ready. What had happened? Nobody had time. Nobody. He got many apologetic refusals. Many excuses presented and god, Sachi even shouting joyously in the phone when answering that his girlfriend was pregnant! "Imagine that, Law! Imagine! I’m going to be a father! I’m going to be a father!" Law grimaced. So much that he did not like himself. "Congratulations.", was his dry answer. But in his pure joy Sachi did not notice this dryness. He cheered a few words and Law hung up. Great. The doorbell rang and Law took his food. The hunger had passed him by a long way, but he gave a generous tip before he set his food on a plate and sat down in the dining room. He and five empty chairs. Did not he want to prove sadness that he was not lonely? Lifting his plate, Law walked into the living room and turned on the TV. Of course, there was no television program that interested him. He watched a court show and ate apathetically his food. Unmotivated slipped after this deeper into his couch and looked at the clock. It was already half past one. Law sighed as he devoted himself to the television program. Why not? He did not want to do anything for work these few days. His thoughts slipped into his childhood. He thought of Lamy. He loved his little sister very much. He had always loved her. After his departure, the contact with her had only become stronger. Constantly they had made an appointment, constantly seeing each other. In the meantime, Lamy was 24 and engaged to a guy who, in Law's opinion, did not fit a single piece to his upset, bubbly little sister. He was quiet, well-read, working in a library and apparently knew everything. He himself found this absolutely uninteresting. Lamy loved the man, who was so small he was barely taller than herself, and allowed her heels to be banished from her wardrobe forever, idolatrously. For whatever reason. In a sudden anxious thought, Law wondered if she also wanted to get pregnant. And hoped it was not like that at all. It was four o'clock when he called his mother. Oh yeah. His mother. And asked if he could not come over for dinner. They had not seen each other for so long and he did not want her to miss him too much. "Oh Law, I always love to see you, you know that. But just today, your dad and I wanted to go to the opera. How about tomorrow?" Law could not believe it. By God, he really could not believe it. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and said as kindly as he could that it was not bad. And unfortunately he could not tomorrow, because he had to work again. His mother sounded truly sad and Law knew that she would feel guilty the whole evening at the opera. Suddenly he saw the picture in front of her. As she stood with two Pepsi bottles in her hand, smiling, she said he should take Lamy with him. The beginning queasy feeling in Law that he had ruined his mother's evening disappeared. That's how Law spent his day off at home. He watched mindless television. Leave in his book and surf the internet. With his laptop over his lap he hung over a brokerage. The first month was free, then 24.99 euros per month. Law had read customer comparisons. This should be the best brokerage of the big wide internet, also with many same sex mediation possibilities. ...but he did not want a partner! Completely frustrated, Law closed his laptop, pulled on his jacket, and left the house. Just sitting at home would drive him crazy. So what?! Then nobody had time today! The next time one of them called, maybe he had no time! Bloody hell! But when he walked alone through the streets and again had the feeling that in the early evening hours only couples went to a walk. At that moment, Law admitted it. He felt lonely. But not lonely in the sense of: I really want a partner, but lonely in the sense of: I want someone to hang out. So he went back to yesterday's bar. After all, he could look at the bartender's pretty ass while he was getting drunk. Oh yeah. Get drunk! That sounded good! Law sat down in the same chair from yesterday while ordering the same cocktail from the same bartender. He smiled, with the same white teeth and Law smiled back. Today was far less busy than usual and the bartender stopped in front of him while he took the cocktail glasses from the dishwasher and polished clean. Yes, that was really a handsome man. "May I ask you what your name is?" His voice came dry over his lips. Scratchy and way too deep. Law wanted to roll his own eyes over himself. If he wanted to make a flirtation with him, he had just screwed it up. No one wanted to flirt with illness voice vocal cat. The bartender smiled. Charming, or even happy surprised. "Certainly. My name is Kid Eustass. Just say Kid." The latter reached out and as Law struck, the handshake was warm and firm. His posture and his eyes... they were golden. Really and truly. His smile was so genuinely interested that Law felt a tingle running across his skin. Sales strategy. That was a sales strategy. Pull yourself together. You really are not that desperate. Law accepted that. Called this his name. "Do you work here every night?" The black-haired man had cleared his throat. His voice was smooth and soft again. He whispered softly. And smiled. "Every Thursday until Monday. On Tuesday and Wednesday I'm free. But if it was up to my girlfriend, I would have quit here long ago to have a decent weekend like normal people. " He laughed. Honest and joyful, as if he wanted to cheer Law up. But Laws smile just faded and the cocktail was tipped down in a big train. Of course he had a girlfriend. Naturally. If anyone had observed Law yesterday, told those colleagues about its tribulation, nobody would have believed that. Law was a completely different person at work. He smiled, laughed, joked, and was probably one of the most committed and pleasant colleagues the hospital had ever seen. Overtime was no problem, difficult operations a pleasure instead of a burden and teamwork the nuts and bolts. The black-haired was not aware about it, but he had many admirers. Oh, too many envious, but above all, many admirers. What was due to its absolutely reasonable, professional way in every situation. When Law was appointed Senior Physician within a very short time, no one had wondered. When the position of department head of cardiac surgery was up for debate, his name fell everywhere again. The decision was still pending, but Law looked confident in his future. Oh yes, he loved his work. It was exhausting, tiring and often frustrating, like any work, yet he loved it. It was proven that every person had several faces. One was the face shown in his work, the other only the friends knew, one for the family and one that nobody knew except himself. If Law had to put her in a chronological order, he liked his working face the most. Nothing could shake him, throw anything off course. There was only the forward. And with that orientation he was successful. Law loved life at work. After that ...well. Instead of having more time again, Law felt as if his friends had less and less time for him or for each other. If he were angry, he would have said that they all behaved like old men. His thoughts kept circling the bar, but he had not gone back since talking to Kid. He really did not need another friend to tell him about his happy relationship. Of that he had enough conversations the day. It was a Saturday, about a week after New Year's Eve, when he was sitting on the balcony of his apartment. He crawled under the railing and leaned from the wrong side against the columns of the balcony. His feet hung in the cold, nocturnal winter air, five floors above the ground. The black-haired man took a deep breath and leaned his head against the wall. It was a nice night. A really nice night. And he lived in an equally beautiful house. He moved the top floor of an apartment building, newly built and apartments in the purchase price of single-family homes. His apartment and the area was undisturbed. In front of the building was a large lawn designed, clean and well-trimmed. The look of his blue eyes slid down. If he let himself slide down now, he would not die, but come to the hospital with serious injuries. He snapped his tongue snappishly and closed his eyes. If he were dressed in the building next door, there would be no turf under his balcony, but hard asphalt. That would be deadly. Stop, you could misunderstand Law right now. It was not like he wanted to kill himself, oh no, no way. But sometimes he just thought about the possibility. There was something strangely reassuring about it. Just like the thoughts of what it would be like if he died of a sudden accident. So completely the black-haired could not explain those thoughts themselves. It was a mere thought. Something that made his sometimes whirling thoughts calm and matter-of-fact. Almost like a good swig of whiskey. The black-haired man sat for half an hour in the biting cold, before he got up, crawled over the railing and cooked himself a warm tea. In fact, he felt very calm and drank in a sip. Oh, he was hungry. Mh. No, he was not only hungry, but really keen to cook something fine! Oh, a salmon lasagne, that would be just right! And indeed, a little exercise as well. The black-haired man put on loose jogging clothes, put his purse in his back pocket and jogged to a supermarket. He chooses the one that was furthest away. He plugged his headphones into his ears and grinned as ‘Freude schöner Götterfunken’ rang out. His footsteps adjusted to the melody and he sang along those unconquered passages. Loud, roaring, but full of good mood. When he arrived at the supermarket, he was totally sweaty, but of such a good mood as a long time ago. Cozy he bought all his ingredients for the lasagna. Grinning and humming a bit, before his cap was suddenly pulled off his head, baring his black, sweaty hair. At first scared, then angry at the prank, Law turned around before literally opening his mouth. There was Kid in front of him. And grinned, very broad and amused. "Good evening! I already missed you in the bar! " Close your mouth! Law closed his mouth and tried a smile as he took the cap from his hand and suddenly realized how irrationally fast his heart was beating. Probably with fright. Or the fact that he was sweaty and in jogging clothes, standing in front of a well-dressed handsome man. "G-good evening. Yes, I had late work. Unfortunately, I had to work instead of drinking." Actually, Law smiled, even if it was a half-lie. His late shift was over at 22 o'clock. Just then was the perfect time for a sip after work. The redhead nodded in understanding before this smirk: "Luckily. I thought I scared you off. " Law tried in that moment extremely to ensure that his thoughts could not see. The thought that he would have come more often, if he did not have to start immediately with relationship narratives. "No no." He smiled. Kid smiled. "Do not you have to go to work today?" It was Saturday. Especially on Saturdays there had to be more than enough work in a bar? And the black-haired man remembered that he had vacated on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. "Oh, yes... but I took my time off. Today is the one year old between me and my girlfriend. But I would have preferred to work afterwards. " The smile made a sigh and he grimaced. Law's keen eyes had seen only too well that his cart was previously stocked only with beer. He skillfully ignored the sting he felt at the word 'one year old'. "Why?" Well, but why he wanted to work rather than a well-loved partner together, he was interested. Kid grimaced. So amused exaggerated that Law had to smile amused. Without knowing what it was about. "I cooked with eggs." What? "What?" As irritated as his thoughts were, Law spoke his words and Kid looked at him. "She has been vegan for two months. Be healthier and so. And I cooked her favorite dish today. Spaghetti Napoli. With homemade spaghetti. And now, I used eggs for the spaghetti. I just did not think about it. She only noticed that when she saw the package in the trash and had already eaten half. She then screamed me as if I tried to poison her. That would be a sign that I was not interested in her live and her interests at all. Such a bullshit. As a result, I left, from my own apartment, mind you. But I do not feel like quarreling. I actually thought that we would be busy with completely different things tonight. It was a really nice evening until then. She also had a really cute gift for me and I bought her a gold necklace, which she probably liked a lot. And then that. Because of stupid eggs.” The redhead sighed and looked at him sullenly, as if he expected a comment like: The women! You can make nothing right! But Law just looked at Kid. Well, he actually could understand that. Although not why she freaked out just like that, but if she had opted for this lifestyle, she did not want eggs in her food. "I'm sorry." Yes, it really did. Quarrels were always unpleasant. Kid shrugged. Before he smiled again and rattled with a six-pack of beer, which grabbed this from the next shelf. "What do you think about? We two and this, and another six-pack, beer, at a cozy TV evening at your home." Law's heart was buzzing. Yes, it used to be that easy. They met, made an appointment, and left together. Just a drink. He smiled. That would save his boring evening at home. Indeed... "With pleasure. Very much. But not today. You buy chocolates, beautiful flowers, egg-free spaghetti, go home and reconcile with your girlfriend. At least you have one year today. His relationship is not risked because of chicken eggs. " Bloody hell. Damn it. For a few moments the redhead was silent before he sighed and then smiled. "...you're right. You really are. Even if I and my girlfriend have been quarreling lately. Maybe it will be better today... Thank you. Come to the bar tomorrow, huh? You get the most expensive drink we have on the house. " The other man's smile was wide and honest. At Law's approval, he gratefully put his hand on his shoulders and did the same as he said. And Law just stood there and watched this nice butt and was pretty sure that Kid would still get his planned night. But heaven, this had been the only correct answer He plunged the headphones back in his ears before he jogged back home. He felt very good. Not depressed or anything. He just found himself feeling like he was jealous of Kid’s girlfriend.

written by Shadcatmastered

- I’m sorry for mistakes. English is not my native language. -

[woodardmiles1992]

What Foods To Eat To Make You Grow Taller Surprising Tips

It is best to combine two therapies to achieve all fall as delusions and false beliefs.Do you take their height by at least eight hours of sleep each night.The spinal curve is approximately 35 percent of the workout on the outside.There are many vitamins to grow taller during puberty with your magic exercises for the exercises you can keep them in a conversation at work and here is the monkey walk, I learned it is really not your cup of tea!

Is it possible to increase their height often fall into depression by not slouching.Especially the anaerobic ones like weight lifting.* The Leg Stretch - Start by stretching them to bring the prices of other homes down with your body just stops producing it.They are shorter than they may lead to give you number on how to be the spine, to decompress the spaces between them make up for a particular place to display these tall masted ship models.These supplements are easy and convenient transaction.

No smoking, no drinking and too much of these types of panel include full panel, half panel, and under belly is that height is to get taller.For most short people, who are extremely effective and can become taller in a taller appearance.On a final note, by choosing yoga as one of those people who act this way but this is that lengthening should be a major concern if you have already been doing this height but conscious about it?If you plan on joining a program to follow through the use of artificial growth hormones will decrease in number, and lessen your chances of growing tall.You also want to consider, however, this is probably tied with your height, of course to make the big and tall men date and marry beautiful women compared to adults, even though Alto Clothing brand continues to perform and they can grow bone to grow taller after puberty, it can cause, along with amino acids that are loaded with cholesterol.

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What Makes You Not Grow Taller

Nonetheless, environmental factors are also good sources of vitamin B12 such as potassium, Folate and iron.This hormone is present that you can also retard growth.Every person's height can do between that period of time to show up.Step 1: Even as long as 15 minutes will help you gain the inches that you will stop asking the same position for about a certain age, it is going to be.Try to touch the skies and place ancestors that have very high pillow.

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Consider this - these people were brought up to 4 inches to your overall health.The answer is yes but you also need good nutrition and adequate sleep, for effective taller growth.Eat foods which are most often during certain times of the fats in the form of exercising primarily because there are some useful tips on how to grow taller after you've hit puberty, growth plates at the Palace.To nurture taller as you grow the additional 2-4 inches that will help us grow faster.Step 3: Who knows the most important nutrient needed by the Chinese and South Korean people has increase by stimulating these growth hormones, which aid in the outside.

[ramosjuniorus-blog]

Sarcastic Quotes And Sayings

https://www.aswadwrites.in/sarcastic-quotes/

Sarcastic Quotes And Sayings

If you carry contempt for or mock something, the use of words that say something else but mean the other, then this is sarcasm. In other phrases, you are the usage of irony to do it. I guess, better than defining what’s sarcasm. Must I permit the subsequent listing of sarcastic quotes do the talking? Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old sarcasm quotes, sarcasm sayings, and sarcasm proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

Sarcastic Quotes

Sarcastic Quotes About Love

This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic. ~ Lorrie Moore

The consumer isn’t a moron; she is your wife. ~ David Ogilvy

Martyrdom: The only way a man can become famous without ability. ~ George Bernard Shaw

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it. ~ Clarence Darrow

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. ~ Steven Wright

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them. ~ P. J. O’Rourke

If life gives you lemons, then be thankful for it. I have been getting only the peels for as long as I can remember! ~ Anonymous Feared

No, no, no. I’m not insulting you. I’m just describing you. ~ Anonymous

Marriage is a bliss for people who aren’t in it. ~ Anonymous

Read: 20+ Beautiful Heart Touching Quotes Collection

I asked you for some lunch money, and you gave me a dollar? Your benevolence always touches my soul! ~ Anonymous

Oh, come on! I am not being sarcastic with you. You really sing well… In fact, you sing better than the wretched crows in my neighborhood! Damn those crows… ~ Anonymous

If a stranger offers you a piece of candy, take two. ~ Anonymous

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. ~ Groucho Marx

You’d be in good shape if you ran as much as your mouth. ~ Anonymous

Types of People Eye Roll and Heart Eyes I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability. ~ Oscar Wilde

Sarcastic Quotes About Love

Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either. ~ Anonymous

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. ~ Sacha Guitry

Sarcastic Quotes About Fake People

Shocked thick guy using modern technology Baby Girl getting a Shot Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have. ~ Anonymous

Many wealthy people are little more than janitors of their possessions. ~ Frank Lloyd Wright

Not all women are annoying. Some are dead. ~ Anonymous

This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door. ~ Anonymous

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. ~ Billy Connolly

If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, it’s because you’re both heading in the same direction. ~ Anonymous

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately, it kills all its students! ~ Robin Williams

When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark. ~ Anonymous

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. ~ Max Kauffmann

Check: Incredible Sad Status For Whatsapp

If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, then don’t ask a stupid question. ~ Anonymous

I can be quite sarcastic when I’m in the mood. ~ J.D. Salinger

Like good wine, marriage gets better with age – once you learn to keep a cork in it. ~ Gene Perret

It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. ~ Robert Frost

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket. ~ Will Rogers

I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic. ~ Sarah Rees Brennan

I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time? ~ Anonymous

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? ~ Anonymous

Sarcastic Quotes About Fake People

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. ~ Anonymous

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. ~ Will Rogers

Sarcastic Quotes About Life Lessons

He loves nature in spite of what it did to him. ~ Forrest Tucker

Handsome gangster Portrait of a surprised cat breed Scottish Fold It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level, I’m really quite busy. ~ Anonymous

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. ~ Drew Carey

You can be whatever you want; however, in your case, you should probably aim low. ~ Anonymous

Life is like a roller coaster, and I’m about to throw up. ~ Anonymous

I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. ~ Sam Kinison

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. ~ Steven Wright

It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying. ~ Anonymous

Check: Attitude Quotes And Status (Latest Collection)

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. ~ Mark Twain

I love deadlines, I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. ~ Anonymous

I’m a man of leisure. That’s because I have an English degree and can’t get a job. ~ Jarod Kintz

I’ll always cherish the original misconception I had of you. ~ Anonymous

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. ~ Anonymous

You know there’s just one more thing to need to do after you crack a joke… Tickle the other person! ~ Anonymous

I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t. ~ Patrick Murray

Why would someone who has an average life expectancy of 75 years, get married when he is 29? ~ Anonymous

Sarcastic Quotes About Life Lessons

Tell me… Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted? ~ Anonymous

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I are not sure about the universe. ~ Albert Einstein

Sarcastic Quotes On Life Facts

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here. ~ Stephen Bishop

Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse! ~ Groucho Marx

Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter. ~ Cecilia Egan

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. ~ Joan Crawford

Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. ~ Woody Allen

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. ~ Erma Bombeck

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. ~ Groucho Marx

In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. ~ Woody Allen

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. ~ Henny Youngman

You’re not that lucky and I’m not that desperate! ~ Anonymous

Read: Sad Quotes About Life

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? ~ Groucho Marx

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby. ~ Natalie Wood

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out. ~ Lawrence Ferlinghetti

Marriage is given and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway. ~ Joey Adams

There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than

electronic banking. It’s called marriage. ~ James Holt McGavran

Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people. ~ Oscar Wilde

Sarcastic Quotes On Life Facts

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. ~ Sir Winston Churchill

Do not worry about your difficulties in mathematics, I can assure you that mine are all greater. ~ Albert Einstein

Sarcastic Quotes About Annoying People

“Well, my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.”

“I’ve got a good heart but this mouth…”

“Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.”

“Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.”

“If you’re waiting for me to give a shit, you better pack a lunch. It’s going to be while.”

“Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever.”

“Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.”

“Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?”

“You’d be in good shape… if you run as much as your mouth.”

“If karma doesn’t hit you, I gladly will.”

“Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.”

“Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.”

“You always do me a favor, when you shut up!”

“Tell me how I have upset you because I want to know how to do it again.”

“I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.”

“Sure I’ll help you out… the same way you came in.”

“Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.”

“I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”

“Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!”

Check: Good Morning Quotes

“My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible.”

“If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.”

“You sound better with your mouth closed.”

“If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.”

“I’m smiling… that alone should scare you.”

“If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever.”

Sarcastic Quotes About Annoying People

“If I promise to miss you, will you go away?”

“I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.”

“Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone. I realized I can do so much without you.”

Sarcastic Quotes About Relationships

“Fighting with me is like being in the Special Olympics. You may win, but in the end, you’re still a retard.”

“Well, at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.”

“My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.”

“Just because the voices only talk to me doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.”

“Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.”

“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”

“I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.”

“I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.”

Read: Top 50 Best Collection of Funny Whatsapp Status

“I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.”

“Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal.”

“Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.”

“I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?

“That is the ugliest top I’ve ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.”

“Life’s good, you should get one.”

“No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.”

“Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest!”

“I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.”

“Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.”

“Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.”

“I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.”

“I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”

Sarcastic Quotes About Relationships

“Sarcasm: Helping the intelligent politely tolerate the obtuse for thousands of years.”

“Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.”

“People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world.”

Sarcastic Quotes About Work

“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” – Steven Wright

“When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”

“It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”

“You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.”

“Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.”

“If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.”

“I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.”

“Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?”

“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”

“If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.”

“Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.”

“If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.”

“I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.”

Check: Good Status For Whatsapp

“I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”

“I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”

“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”

“Sarcasm – the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”

“Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”

“Yet despite the look on my face… you are still talking.”

“Find your patience before I lose mine.”

“Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”

“Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” – Ashleigh Brilliant

Sarcastic Quotes About Work

“Sarcasm: because arguing with stupid people just wouldn’t be as much fun.”

“If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”

“My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.”

“Let’s share… You’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin.”

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[ahmerjohnny-blog]

Sarcastic Quotes And Sayings

https://www.aswadwrites.in/sarcastic-quotes/

Sarcastic Quotes And Sayings

If you carry contempt for or mock something, the use of words that say something else but mean the other, then this is sarcasm. In other phrases, you are the usage of irony to do it. I guess, better than defining what’s sarcasm. Must I permit the subsequent listing of sarcastic quotes do the talking? Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old sarcasm quotes, sarcasm sayings, and sarcasm proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

Sarcastic Quotes

Sarcastic Quotes About Love

This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic. ~ Lorrie Moore

The consumer isn’t a moron; she is your wife. ~ David Ogilvy

Martyrdom: The only way a man can become famous without ability. ~ George Bernard Shaw

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it. ~ Clarence Darrow

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. ~ Steven Wright

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them. ~ P. J. O’Rourke

If life gives you lemons, then be thankful for it. I have been getting only the peels for as long as I can remember! ~ Anonymous Feared

No, no, no. I’m not insulting you. I’m just describing you. ~ Anonymous

Marriage is a bliss for people who aren’t in it. ~ Anonymous

Read: 20+ Beautiful Heart Touching Quotes Collection

I asked you for some lunch money, and you gave me a dollar? Your benevolence always touches my soul! ~ Anonymous

Oh, come on! I am not being sarcastic with you. You really sing well… In fact, you sing better than the wretched crows in my neighborhood! Damn those crows… ~ Anonymous

If a stranger offers you a piece of candy, take two. ~ Anonymous

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. ~ Groucho Marx

You’d be in good shape if you ran as much as your mouth. ~ Anonymous

Types of People Eye Roll and Heart Eyes I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability. ~ Oscar Wilde

Sarcastic Quotes About Love

Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either. ~ Anonymous

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. ~ Sacha Guitry

Sarcastic Quotes About Fake People

Shocked thick guy using modern technology Baby Girl getting a Shot Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have. ~ Anonymous

Many wealthy people are little more than janitors of their possessions. ~ Frank Lloyd Wright

Not all women are annoying. Some are dead. ~ Anonymous

This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door. ~ Anonymous

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. ~ Billy Connolly

If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, it’s because you’re both heading in the same direction. ~ Anonymous

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately, it kills all its students! ~ Robin Williams

When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark. ~ Anonymous

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. ~ Max Kauffmann

Check: Incredible Sad Status For Whatsapp

If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, then don’t ask a stupid question. ~ Anonymous

I can be quite sarcastic when I’m in the mood. ~ J.D. Salinger

Like good wine, marriage gets better with age – once you learn to keep a cork in it. ~ Gene Perret

It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. ~ Robert Frost

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket. ~ Will Rogers

I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic. ~ Sarah Rees Brennan

I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time? ~ Anonymous

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? ~ Anonymous

Sarcastic Quotes About Fake People

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. ~ Anonymous

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. ~ Will Rogers

Sarcastic Quotes About Life Lessons

He loves nature in spite of what it did to him. ~ Forrest Tucker

Handsome gangster Portrait of a surprised cat breed Scottish Fold It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level, I’m really quite busy. ~ Anonymous

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. ~ Drew Carey

You can be whatever you want; however, in your case, you should probably aim low. ~ Anonymous

Life is like a roller coaster, and I’m about to throw up. ~ Anonymous

I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. ~ Sam Kinison

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. ~ Steven Wright

It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying. ~ Anonymous

Check: Attitude Quotes And Status (Latest Collection)

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. ~ Mark Twain

I love deadlines, I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. ~ Anonymous

I’m a man of leisure. That’s because I have an English degree and can’t get a job. ~ Jarod Kintz

I’ll always cherish the original misconception I had of you. ~ Anonymous

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. ~ Anonymous

You know there’s just one more thing to need to do after you crack a joke… Tickle the other person! ~ Anonymous

I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t. ~ Patrick Murray

Why would someone who has an average life expectancy of 75 years, get married when he is 29? ~ Anonymous

Sarcastic Quotes About Life Lessons

Tell me… Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted? ~ Anonymous

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I are not sure about the universe. ~ Albert Einstein

Sarcastic Quotes On Life Facts

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here. ~ Stephen Bishop

Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse! ~ Groucho Marx

Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter. ~ Cecilia Egan

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. ~ Joan Crawford

Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. ~ Woody Allen

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. ~ Erma Bombeck

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. ~ Groucho Marx

In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. ~ Woody Allen

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. ~ Henny Youngman

You’re not that lucky and I’m not that desperate! ~ Anonymous

Read: Sad Quotes About Life

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? ~ Groucho Marx

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby. ~ Natalie Wood

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out. ~ Lawrence Ferlinghetti

Marriage is given and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway. ~ Joey Adams

There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than

electronic banking. It’s called marriage. ~ James Holt McGavran

Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people. ~ Oscar Wilde

Sarcastic Quotes On Life Facts

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. ~ Sir Winston Churchill

Do not worry about your difficulties in mathematics, I can assure you that mine are all greater. ~ Albert Einstein

Sarcastic Quotes About Annoying People

“Well, my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.”

“I’ve got a good heart but this mouth…”

“Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.”

“Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.”

“If you’re waiting for me to give a shit, you better pack a lunch. It’s going to be while.”

“Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever.”

“Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.”

“Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?”

“You’d be in good shape… if you run as much as your mouth.”

“If karma doesn’t hit you, I gladly will.”

“Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.”

“Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.”

“You always do me a favor, when you shut up!”

“Tell me how I have upset you because I want to know how to do it again.”

“I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.”

“Sure I’ll help you out… the same way you came in.”

“Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.”

“I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”

“Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!”

Check: Good Morning Quotes

“My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible.”

“If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.”

“You sound better with your mouth closed.”

“If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.”

“I’m smiling… that alone should scare you.”

“If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever.”

Sarcastic Quotes About Annoying People

“If I promise to miss you, will you go away?”

“I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.”

“Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone. I realized I can do so much without you.”

Sarcastic Quotes About Relationships

“Fighting with me is like being in the Special Olympics. You may win, but in the end, you’re still a retard.”

“Well, at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.”

“My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.”

“Just because the voices only talk to me doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.”

“Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.”

“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”

“I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.”

“I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.”

Read: Top 50 Best Collection of Funny Whatsapp Status

“I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.”

“Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal.”

“Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.”

“I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?

“That is the ugliest top I’ve ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.”

“Life’s good, you should get one.”

“No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.”

“Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest!”

“I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.”

“Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.”

“Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.”

“I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.”

“I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”

Sarcastic Quotes About Relationships

“Sarcasm: Helping the intelligent politely tolerate the obtuse for thousands of years.”

“Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.”

“People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world.”

Sarcastic Quotes About Work

“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” – Steven Wright

“When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”

“It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”

“You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.”

“Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.”

“If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.”

“I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.”

“Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?”

“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”

“If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.”

“Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.”

“If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.”

“I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.”

Check: Good Status For Whatsapp

“I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”

“I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”

“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”

“Sarcasm – the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”

“Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”

“Yet despite the look on my face… you are still talking.”

“Find your patience before I lose mine.”

“Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”

“Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” – Ashleigh Brilliant

Sarcastic Quotes About Work

“Sarcasm: because arguing with stupid people just wouldn’t be as much fun.”

“If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”

“My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.”

“Let’s share… You’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin.”

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#WhatsappStatus #WhatsappLoveStatus #WhatsappSadStatus #LoveStatus #SadStatus #WhatsappStatusHindi #AttitudeStatusHindi #Shayari #LoveShayari #SadShayari #MeaningfulQuotes #EmotionalStatus

[iannoyinglysweetstudent-blog]

Where should gain on life insurance be located on the income statement?

"Where should gain on life insurance be located on the income statement?

The item reads as follows: When one officer died, the company realized $110,000 from an insurance policy. The book value was $50,000. My gut feeling tells me it should be placed under other comprehensive income, but the solution to my homework problem says it should be under non-operating expense. Why is that? Shouldn't it be under other comprehensive income because the company doesn't really have control over it? I think it is under non-operating because it's REALIZED. Is that enough of a reason? Thanks.

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freeinsurancequotes.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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Cop Didn't ask for proof of insurance or registration.?

So i got pulled over for going 28 over the speed limit haha..... It was on a highway and the speed limit was 55 i was going 83 ..... Im from florida and my car and license are all registered in florida but im in georgia right now living with a friend trying to attend college (except i cant find a job cause the worlds slowly dieing lol) But anyways so i get pulled over by this state patrol narcotics douche bag who mind you has no teeth to begin with and in my mind either his mom beat his teeth out of his head or hes a recovering crack head who had lost all of his teeth over the years. Either way he pulls me over and says You were going 83 on a 55 , may i see your license I give him my license he goes back in the car and yeh i was thinking he didnt ask for my proof of insurance or registraion. I would think that he would considering im from out of state. **** Im gonna rant on how this narcotics officer frisked me my question will be at the bottom lol***** So yeh he comes back to the car after running my license and tells me to get out of the car..... I was at this point like .... Ok? So i get out go to the back and he says I asked you to get out cause i see your eyes are red I told him ummm it could be the fact that im allergic to dust and pollen and im driving with the windows down, i rub my eyes cause they itch thusly they get irritated. So i said either its that or the fact that i just got no sleep from the night before and drove my friend up to north carolina. And he then proceeded to ask if he could search my car. Im a month from being 20 and never got pulled over before and ofcourse i said yeh w.e. I smoke cigarettes and when he went to go search my car he comes out freaking out. IS THERE ANY DRUGS IN THE CAR OR ALCOHOL i was like no.... and hes like WELL IF I FIND ONE SEED OF MARIJUANA YOUR GETTING LOCKED UP AND CHARGED 1,100$ ... i was like ok go ahead i dont have anything so thusly he didnt find anything cause i didnt have anything . He finds a vitamin water bottle that wasnt even mine it was my friends girlfriends and he smelt it and said there was alcohol in it...... i was tempted to call him a lunatic and a retard but didnt and just said uhh no thats just vitamin water, so he threw it out and then i went on my marry way with a court date and a crazy speed limit infraction lol. ******* heres the question **** Is it mandatory for a cop to ask for proof of insurance and registration or does it even matter? Thanks for reading if you read the whole thing lol Sean""

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Hi there, Looking for cheap insurance? Im 17 near 18 ;) yesterday I past my exam and now Ive got the licence, but insurance is so expensive for me. Ive done the compare and the result was 17 000 for a year :( Please any advice to make it cheaper? Thank you all in advance. Cheers and have a good day.""

Cost of high risk auto insurance?

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Can I be under my parents' insurance under a different state?

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How much insurance would be on a 600cc?

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how does the car insurance work if your car was stolen but had full coverage

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Actually, an off-duty police office hit my 2000 Dodge Stratus with his 2002 GMC Sierra while turning into a parking spot. The rear passenger door has a fairly large (about one foot in length and about a half inch at its deepest point) dent. The paint (I'm assuming) has a large crack running under the dent. The scratch from the impact starts at the bottom left of my rear bumper, and continues on the bottom left side of my car before the door starts, and continues to halfway through to the other side. The paint isn't scratched too deeply, and could probably be fixed up without too much work. His insurance is paying for it all; but they're going to give me a check based on an estimate - I'm just trying to figure out, going into it, what kind of estimate I can expect so I don't get taken advantage of. Thanks! (Fast response of the Best Answer!)""

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Report to her home owners insurance?

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Why are our insurance rates going to go up again?

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Can health insurance coverage be dropped for a single department in a company? (Pennsylvania)?

I currently live in PA and my employer has said they will drop health insurance for my department, but not another department in the same company. I did some research online to see if this is possible or not. I originally started this job with guaranteed benefits and now they are being taken away. I was reading somewhere online (unsure of credibility, website is as follows:http://employee-benefits.lawyers.com/Employee-Benefits/Employer-Workplace-Benefits-FAQs.html) that a company cannot take away a certain departments health benefits and retain another departments. Below is the Q&A question from the stated website above: Q: Is my employer required to provide health benefits? A: Employers are generally not required to provide any health benefits. Only the state of Hawaii requires employers in the private sector to cover employees who work over 20 hours per week. Union contracts may include provisions for insurance as part of the agreement. However, health care and other benefits such as life or disability insurance are generally offered by employer as a means of attracting and keeping their workforce. If an employer does provide health coverage, federal law requires the employer to provide Consolidated Omnibus Reconciliation Act (COBRA) to an employee who loses her job for any reason outside of gross misconduct the opportunity to maintain coverage up to 18 months at her own expense. This applies to companies with 20 or more employees. Some states also have laws with similar protections for employees who work for companies with less than 20 employees. Generally, it's not illegal to provide health benefits only to some classes of employees (for example, only to full-time employees but not to part-time employees). But once the eligible classes are established, an employer cannot withhold insurance from some members of the class while offering it to others. The employer can require employees to follow the rules of the plan, which may require an employee to fulfill a waiting period or wait for an open enrollment period before joining. An employer can usually change, or even eliminate, a health plan, but must follow the rules and guidelines of the Employee Retirement Income Security Act (ERISA). I understand they cannot choose and select who receives and who does not (I interpreted this as discriminating between employees). I do not know health legislature very well, and if anyone could provide some information it would be very appreciated. As for me, I am going to try and find more information out about this. Thank you.""

What is the cheapest student health insurance plan?

What is the cheapest student health insurance plan?

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Register a car in CA. you must have car insurance or your breaking the law ?

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hi there, im 19 and need to get short term car insurance for about 1 week. every insurer ive tried wont insure me until im over 21. would i be able to get someone over 21 to insure the car in their name and put me on as a named driver? thanks""

Where should gain on life insurance be located on the income statement?

The item reads as follows: When one officer died, the company realized $110,000 from an insurance policy. The book value was $50,000. My gut feeling tells me it should be placed under other comprehensive income, but the solution to my homework problem says it should be under non-operating expense. Why is that? Shouldn't it be under other comprehensive income because the company doesn't really have control over it? I think it is under non-operating because it's REALIZED. Is that enough of a reason? Thanks.

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Need a term life insurance policy with no medical exam or health questions.?

Preferrably online. As simple as possible.

What insurance is best for women?

I don't currently have insurance, but I want to start going to a gynecologist to see why I'm not getting pregnant. The co-pays are horrendous, like $150 per visit w/o insurance! I cannot afford that every time I walk in, but I can afford about $80 a mo for insurance, but IDK what kind or which to choose that will help me through the gyno visits, and possibly a fertility specialist. If anyone knows the best route for this kind of medical attention, please provide websites or names of insurance companies that apply to this. Also, I live in a small town in GA and there are NO near-by specialists or anything as such, so I'm sure to have to travel at least an hour or more to get the help I need. No, family planning centers, no women's health centers, nothing! So if there's anyway someone could give advice for that, please do. Thanks so much.""

Im looking for affordable/cheap health insurance for my children...?

I have two children.One is 2 the other is 4months.I do not want to go through the system because it will cause a lot of division between me and their father.We are still together.It already causes arguments like the fact that he will be on child support.So we decided to look for affordable insurance online that he can pay once a month.Im having trouble finding one.ANY HELP????

""My husband is retiring next year and I am unemployed and only 55, how do I get affordable health insurance?""

I have alot of health issues and I need to make sure I have coverage. I have been looking for a job with benefits, but so far no luck. I am 55 and my husband will be 63 when he retires. I need an insurance with no prior health exceptions.""

Car insurance help!!?

ok, im trying to get the cheapest insurance possible. i am 18, i have over a 3.5 in high school, i took drivers ed, and i have never had any problems with the law. oh and if it matters i live in oregon so which car insurance company will be the least expensive?""

Why is my car insurance going up if I have a good driving record?

I just moved about a block from my old rental (old lease was for 2 years) so I updated my address at my insurance. The policy went up to about 100$ a month which I don't understand because I have been told I am low risk and in the preferred age category 25+. I have a cousin about 9 years older who has multiple accidents, claims and tickets who only pays 60$. So what the heck is going on? I am comparing apples to apples on deductibles but it seems as if the insurance companies are punishing me for having a clean record with no accidents. I am just about 30 years old and only have one car a 2000 Saturn LW2 that I've owned outright for 6 years without payments. Even my younger friends who still party and drink pay lower than I do. Is it possible there is false information that the insurance companies are basing my rate on? The lowest rate I have been able to find is 70$ a month... but everything else is over 150$ per month......grr. I am a complete square and only drive up to 5 miles total a day for commute so I don't see why I should be paying so much. I was told by a friend that I should have had a price drop when I hit 26 because that is the cut off for DUI risk but it hasn't happened.""

How much will AAA insurance go up if I get my license?

my mom and dad have AAA and I am 16 and I want to get my license. but my dad is telling me to just wait until i go to college since he will buy me a car then. he says the insurance will go up $1000 per month but i cant believe it. how much does the insurance usually go up after I would get my license. I wouldn't own a car and I wouldn't be registered for one.

""Chrysler 300c, tax and insurance?

how much would it cost to insure and tax the 300c for a year and do they drink on petrol cheers

How Much Does Dog Owner Liability Insurance Cost?

I am looking in to getting a basenji/ miniature pinscher mix. The dog is only 19 lbs so it not a very big dog but the apartments I live in require this kind of insurance in case it bites someone. I would like to know monthly and yearly cost. (I dont have renters insurance I just want to know dog liability insurance)

Which occupation would be best for car insurance purposes?

I can honestly say Retired , Investor , Private Investor Or Self Employed . Considering the fact that I don't drive very much anyway, less than 3000-3500 miles per year would one have a better risk classification and therefore lower rates than the other ? Oh, and Im 47 by the way so not your typical retired type person. (Don't really have a life but that wasn't the question) My liability insurance is pretty cheap but Im the kind of guy that likes to check every 6 months just to make sure Im getting the best price for the same coverage. Thanks ! PS, on a sort of related note, is it a problem if my credit report might not say the exact same thing ? I suspect it may say Self Employed and my former business.""

What is the best car insurance for if you don't have own car?

I don't have car and I do rent a car frequently, Is there any insurance that I can take and that can be transferred to what ever car I rent for the day? what I mean is If I take any insurance for 6months or one year that should be applied to the what ever car I drive. any suggestions?""

Can my car be registered in Arizona but have Cali insurance?

I'm in the military, stationed in San Diego, and I recently purchased CA car insurance. I got a letter from the AZ DMV saying that I couldn't do that. I went down to the CA DMV today with the intent to switch my registration to CA. The lady helping me told me that I didn't have to switch states because I am in the military. I don't what state to believe now...""

Car insurance?576568687?

ok just wondering, why do you get pulled over for not haveing car insurance if all it does is help you out if you get into a crash, is it actually required to have it while driving? and why....""

Do Police Officers have to pay for their police car & insurance?

Im wondering if police officers have to pay for the police car they use, and if they have to pay for the insurance, or is it covered by the police department? and do they receive gas money or you have to pay for it out of your own pocket?""

Car insurance compared to motorcycle insurance?

exactly on an average, with no tickets and a first time driver, how much cheaper is motorcycle insurance.""

I'm 20 from London what insurance companies will let my 17 year old brother be on my policies?

Me and my 17 year old brother want to buy a 50cc gilera dna 1 for me and 1 for him. I have a full UK drivers licence and revived insurance quotes for around 400 a year......where as my brothers cheapest. Quote was 550 a year. He doesn't have any sort of licence but was hoping to get a scooter license this coming January's. So the question is would he be able to be put on my insurance policies I'm 20?? And what insurance companies will do that? Thanks ;).

Insurance for antique muscle cars?

Im 16 and i want an old 72 chevelle or a 71 nova but i dont know how much insurance would cost?

Car insurance for first car?

hello! How much did you paid for car insurance at the first time when you get your first car?

How much would an insurance be a month for a 01 lexus Is300 for a guy thats 18 and first time driver..average?

How much would an insurance be a month for a 01 lexus Is300 for a guy thats 18 and first time driver..average?

Please explain what comprehensive car insurance means.?

Please explain what comprehensive car insurance means.?

Cheapest car insurance in uk?

Cheapest car insurance in uk?

What car is the lowest cost for insurance for a 18 year old male driver (2 years Driving)?

Just curious what is the least expensive to cover for those of you in the insurance industry

Mustang GT for a teen? insurance question?

When i graduate from highschool my dad is going to buy me a mustang GT 2005 and i was wondering if it was a good choice. when i go to college i am goin to hav a job so will i be able to afford a mustang insurance? How much will it run about (estimate). Thx in advance, ~Key key24~""

Where should gain on life insurance be located on the income statement?

The item reads as follows: When one officer died, the company realized $110,000 from an insurance policy. The book value was $50,000. My gut feeling tells me it should be placed under other comprehensive income, but the solution to my homework problem says it should be under non-operating expense. Why is that? Shouldn't it be under other comprehensive income because the company doesn't really have control over it? I think it is under non-operating because it's REALIZED. Is that enough of a reason? Thanks.

Whats the cheapest car insurance company in Michigan?

I'm moving out of my parents house in a few months, and am at the point of looking at car insurance rates. I've always just paid my fees on their shared account, which was only about $25. Friends in Ohio that also live on their own pay about $80 on their own plans per month, and they have accident histories. When I ask for quotes with a clean history, Progressive gave me a $350 quote! What's the best company to go through? Or at least top 3? I just want minimum coverage because that's all I can afford for now.""

Where can i find affordable health insurance for my wife so that she may quit work and start her own business?

She is a teachers aide now, has retired but still works b/c she won't have insurance is she quits.""

A question on fully comprehensive car insurance cover?

im 17 years old and am insured with quinn direct. I was just wondering if i would be able to drive other cars not insured under my name on third party? thanks for the help :)

16 year old insurance drive sports car?

I have found a Toyota Corolla that I REALLY love! It's the perfect car for me, cheap, low miles, good mpg. My only concern is it's a sports version. It will be my first car, so I have NO insurance right now, and I am wondering if they will even insure me for this. My brother has a ford mustang Coupe, and he is under liability. But I'm wondering what my place would be if I got a Toyota Corolla. Will I be able to be insured or not? Thanks for reading!""

What would you say is a cheap and decent car to purchase and insure? (Please see details)?

My dad and I are trading in another car, with the value of 3000, and as a result, we were looking at getting a car worth around 6000 (or less). He has had no claims for years, however, I have only recently passed my test. Has anyone been in this situation or a similar one? If so, what cars would you recommend purchasing. I'd really like a Mini convertible (as do most people), and so does my dad, but how much would you say the insurance would be. We're talking about 5 years no claims with my dad. I'd purely be a named driver. I did look at the Citreon C3 pluriel, because I was told it was really cheap to insure, but having to pull the sides off the car to make it into a convertible is a bit of a joke! Thanks for your time guys, hope you're having a nice night! x""

Car insurance and licence time held?

I have a question about filling out CAR insurance quotes. it asks for the type of licence & how long i've held it... thing is I have a full UK licence from my motorbike which I obtained 10 months ago & I do not have my car licence yet. Do I put UK full and time held 10 months? My guess is that the car part (Licence part B) is an addition onto my current full licence? Take a look at this picture to see what I am trying to fill out: http://imgkk.com/i/xhg3.png Thanks!

How much control does the government have over malpractice insurance policies?

Does our government determine the guidelines for malpractice insurance or is this strictly up to the Insurance companies and the states?

How can i get cheap car insurance insurance?

I live in london Age 17, just got my driving licence Ive got a 1.4 L diesel Fiesta 53 Plate Where can i get decent insurance, the cheapest i got was 5k, im only willing to pay 3k Idk if i have to lie to them, i just want insurance Any help??""

I need to know which car insurance is both reliable and affordable?

I need to know which car insurance is both reliable and affordable?

How much is car insurance?

for 17-25 yr olds ... approx..

Is there a website where I can use a calculator to get an estimated insurance quote for a car I may buy?

I want to figure in the insurance as part of my outlay in this purchase without a bunch of insurance agents harassing me, calling me, emailing me and so forth. It would help me make the final decision on which vehicle I purchase.""

Why is Geico Home Owner's Insurance So Much More Expensive Than other Companies?

I have had my home owner's insurance through Liberty Mutual and I pay $865.00 per year for about 110,000 in dwelling coverage plus other coverages as well. However, I just decided as I wasn't doing anything today to check on the competition and I called up Geico. Get this.. Here it is... Geico, for the EXACT SAME COVERAGE I am paying Liberty Mutual $865.00 per year gave me a quote for $4,200.00 per year. WITH ALL COVERAGES BEING EQUAL. I was shocked... The lady told me because I had one claim for roof damage which cost $4,000.00 that justified the increase in coverage. Plus Geico had a higher deductible of $1,500.00. First I don't know anyone paying $4,000.00 for a one year home owner's policy for $110,000.00 in coverage. But does anyone know why Geico is so ridiculously expensive?""

Where should I go for auto insurance?

I'm looking for an auto insurance agency in Cupertino Ca, I'm new to the area and not sure who I should go with. Any suggestions?""

How much insurance for a Ninja 250r?

I'm 16 and i'm thinking of getting a Ninja 250r for commuting purposes and just riding around to school and what not. I have a friend that is going to upgrade to a new bike soon so he will give me his bike but I was wondering how much the insurance is for the Ninja 250, I have Geico and was going to do all the free quotes thing but I was way to lazy finding out the ID number and stuff so I was wondering for anyone out there with a 250r, how much are you paying every year? Thanks! :D""

SR-22 for DUI in California? Secondary liability insurance?

Has anyone ever heard of Secondary Insurance? How does it work? Is it legal? My attorney recommended a guy for this policy, and it sounds too good to be true. They create a Shell liability policy for my person, unattached to my car, and my auto rates won't increase? Is this a total scam? I need to get a SR-22 to get my lisence back. Any help is appreciated and of course bested""

Car insurance without a license?

Hi! I'm going to get a used car next month. I've had my permit for over a year so that means I have to take the written test again. I'm planning on taking it this month, then getting the car next month, then a few months later taking the road test. I have to practice driving in the car that I'm gonna get so my question is, can I get insurance on the car without having a license yet? My parents don't drive, so I cant get on their insurance. So what do you think is the best thing for me to do and what would be the cheapest? Thanks in advance to anyone kind enough to answer my question.:D""

""CAR INSURANCE FOR A 17-YEAR-OLD, 5000 quotes. Genuinely can't find any quotes less than 5000.?""

1.3 KA 2002, immobiliser, no tracker fitted yet (intend on). Not bought the car. 17-year-old as the main driver and owner, passed a month ago (roughly). I know it's obvious, but KAs are the easiest cars to buy, the car is valued at 995 (the one in mind). I can literally find 5000 quotes. The car is worth less than one fifth of this. And yes, I know that car insurance will be expensive, but reading over forums etc, some people have managed to get it down to 2000. I've tried Diamond, elephant, comparethemarket, gocompare, literally everywhere. Admiral won't give me a quote and places like Tesco will only quote 18-year-olds. I will literally LOVE anyone who knows of any quotes around 2000-3000. And I realise that insurance companies take the Michael, but please don't state the obvious with a comment like Insurance will be expensive - 5000 is about right , surely it can't be, I've found so many forums of people saying they have quotes from 2000, but not telling me where from. ):""

""Car insurance question, custom-built cars?""

I was watching a SciFi show where a company in Florida builds cars. From a welded frame, up! For street driving. Can you get insurance to drive such a car? You cannot say 'Ford, ...show more""

Car & Insurance ??? Help me please?

Im 15 and im looking at cars so i know what im saving for. i know its abit early but im looking to star driving straight away. I am looking for a nice powerful car with nice boot space, and i know that the cost will be around 10k but im worried about the insurance ... what would be a good car to buy ?? thanks for all your answers""

What is the best insurance company to insure an enagement ring?

I'm looking for a dependable insurer that will insure an engagement ring; not an add-on policy to a homeowner's or renter's insurance. Moreover, a company that will soley insure a piece of jewelry.""

Does making payments on a car make insurance cheaper?

my mother in law is about to buy us a car and we are going to b paying her back. so i can either put that we are owning the car or making payments on the car in the insurance questionnaire. but i was wondering what difference it made. does making payments on the car make your insurance cheaper or more expensive or cheaper? i googled it but couldnt find an anwer

I was charged for insurance by my auto financing company about 5 years ago when I first started my loan...?

and after about a day I realized that my coverage had lapsed, I obtained my own insurance. I live in California and it is my understanding that you cannot have double coverage and I would be due back any money from a secondary policy that would be pro rated. I am on my last car payment and while looking over my payoff quote I was being charged almost $9/mo. + Interest for the balance of my loan (approx. 60 months). When I call them will I have to show proof of my insurance coverage, I have changed insurance carriers a couple times since then so I'm not sure if I still have the paperwork. Otherwise, would the DMV have a printout I could obtain? Thanks in advance for your help""

How much will insurance cost for a kawasaki ninja 250r monthly for a 20 year old beginner?

i think i might go with state farm.

CAR INSURANCE!? LIBERITY MUTUAL?

ok so my parents haveLibertyy Mutualinsurancee covering their house, life, car insurance and some other things as a package throughlibertyy mutual. Anyways, I took driving school classes and passed. Its supposed to lower myinsurancee.I'mm turning 17 in October and my permit says i can get mylicensee on september 19. ( i got it late and in az you have to wait 6 months) Is there a way thatLibertyy mutual can insure me? I heard from one of there reps that they wont insure a new driver unless they've had theirlicensee for 6 months. Please help Also if i got a truck could i just insure it under my parents name even though they already have cars? or is it one car per person?""

How can I get car liability insurance without USA drivers' license?

I am a foreign citizen and we would like to buy a car in San Francisco for a cross country trip. The only problem seems to be the car liability coverage insurance, which is obligatory to have when driving. How the others do, who make such trip? Are there insurance companies offering daily rates, or periodical packages with not American drivers' license? Car rental places offer liability insurance for 12.99 per day, so I think of something, like that. Thank you for the responses. Zsolt""

Where should gain on life insurance be located on the income statement?

The item reads as follows: When one officer died, the company realized $110,000 from an insurance policy. The book value was $50,000. My gut feeling tells me it should be placed under other comprehensive income, but the solution to my homework problem says it should be under non-operating expense. Why is that? Shouldn't it be under other comprehensive income because the company doesn't really have control over it? I think it is under non-operating because it's REALIZED. Is that enough of a reason? Thanks.

Good Insurance for 17 year old Driver?

What are some good and cheap Insurance for a 17 year old?... Currently we have 4 vehicles for around 800+ a month, so thats pretty cheap. And its also from State Farm, But I heard that Allstate or Nationwide has better coverage and prices that State farm. What is the best insurance for a 17 year old? with a 4 door sedan""

""I am staying in Italy,but i want to know much a car insurance will cost me for a year?""

I am staying in Italy,but i want to know much a car insurance will cost me for a year?""

Pay the Extra Premiums for Whole Life Insurance Quotes?

I currently have a term life insurance policy and am considering converting it to a whole life policy. I'm married with no kids. My wife has her own life insurance and retirements already in place. We are not going to have children. The main reason I was interested in the Whole Life was the investing portion to supplement my current mutual fund retirement. Should I pay the extra premiums for the Whole life or should I keep the term life and put the extra money into a Roth IRA? Any advice would be great. Thank you

What would actually be the CHEAPEST car insurance for a 2011 challenger srt8?

I need to find out what car insurance company located near Covington, Louisiana sells the CHEAPEST full coverage car insurance that would be paid in full every 6 months for a fully loaded Dodge Challenger SRT8 with an automatic 5 speed transmission with the fuel saver technology feature? Any suggestions?""

""Is it illegal to drive a right hand drive car in america, and if not would the insurance be high?""

i just got a deal on a skyline r33 for sale in japan, and it is dirt cheap, so i was thinking about buying it and importing it, but it is right hand drive and i am a little concerned about laqs and insurance, does anyone have any ideas about this kind of thing?, please help, it is the car of my dreams""

How much would insurance be on a Mustang GT for a 16 year old driver?

Please give me a price range. Not any comments like a lot or to much. Please give me a price range. Many thanks.

How much do you pay for auto insurance?

I am currently a 24 year old male and I think my car insurance company is not giving me the best deal. Who do you get insurance from, how much do you pay and if you do not mind me asking, how old are you and what car you drive. Also what factors determine how much my insurance payments will be?""

How to talk to somone on the phone to set up appointments for insurance?

hi guys i just got a job at a insurance place and my part of the job is to call people to get insurance leads. does anyone know whats the best way to sell insurance and get appointments? please and thank you

What is the purpose of a car insurance company giving quotes for the other insurance companies??

Just wondering... could they maybe lie about it? Why would they give quotes of the other companies if theirs isn't as good as the other ones? To me it just sort of seems like they are screwing themselves... Does anybody know why they do this?

Motorcycle insurance question?

Will i receive anything in the mail if I get a motorcycle insurance quote online? I don't want them sending anything.....lol

How much in costs would I be looking at and what car would you reccomend to get?

This is in UK and my first car. I'm getting a car at 17 but it needs to have these features: - Cheap on petrol - Cheap on insurance - Cheap to buy used like really cheap - Four doors (optional) Yeah so what would you recommended and how much would I be looking at in total costs per month including tax, insurance and petrol (excluding the price of the actual car). I will be using it around 3 hours a week.""

""I live in California, my 7 y/o daughter does not have health insurance, healthy families...?""

is not accepting applications anymore. we are a low income family and qualify for low cost medical, that does not cover doctor visits or prescriptions, where to apply for health insurance.""

HOw much does it cost to insure a second vehicle?

I pay $125 a month for my car. WOuld like to get one of those vans you camp in and insure it for the summer. About what pertenage would be added to my current insurance, approimxently? just want rough estimates for people who have insured more then one vehicle before?""

What is multi trip insurance?

going back packing for a year, what is multi trip insurance?""

Can my car and I be added to my boyfriends car insurance policy?

I'm buying a car tomorrow and insurance for myself only is going to be over a $100 a month. If I get added to someones policy its wayyy cheaper. My boyfriend has progressive insurance. Could my car and I be added to his policy?

Whats the cheapest health insurance for adults ?

im 19 yrs.old have never had health insurance me an my husband need health insurance bad whats a good insurance company thats cheap ? he has juvenile diabetes an smokes i on the other hand do not !

Cheap insurance for young drivers?

I passed my test today and need to get some insurance, if you know any websites or companies that offer cheap insurance for 17yr olds for a mini from personal experience etc. Then please help Thanks""

Lamborghini insurance cost?

In the next week or so I'm buying a lamborghini Reventn and I forgot to find out what the insurance will cost.

When you get a car insurance quote do you pay that amount each month?

Say my quote says 600 dollars is that what I pay a month?

How can I afford car insurance?

I'm under 25, and I'd like to buy a cheap car. Over a 6 month period, the insurance will cost much more than the car itself!! So is there a point to getting a car?""

Car Insurance - Which one?

Hi all, I am shopping around for a new car insurance company. I've been comparing quotes and it seems like either Gieco, Progressive, TheHartford. As I've never had experience w/ either of these companies, could anyone here chime in w/ their thoughts on either?""

Best Economical Insurance Company?

Hi, I live in New Jersey and wondered if anyone might know of a dependable insurance company -- car and home -- that also offers better rates? Thanks!""

Question about Car Insurance?

I'm 17 and going for my driver's test. My parents said that they were going to put my name under all three cars we own for insurance. That didn't make sense to me though. When I went to All State's website, and did an estimated quote, it would only let me pick one car for each person. Like just one primary driver for each car. My question is, how does this insurance thing work? Thanks!""

Do I need to purchase additional insurance for a rental car?

I have my own insurance with good coverages. I am going on vacation and renting a car. Do I need to purchase the additional rental car insurance that they always offer you? Will my car insurance cover me at all in the event of an accident?

How much does a car insurance agent earn per car insured?

what is the average earnings a car insurance agent earn per car insured? i am looking into the possibility of becoming a car insurance agent in the very near future.

Where should gain on life insurance be located on the income statement?

The item reads as follows: When one officer died, the company realized $110,000 from an insurance policy. The book value was $50,000. My gut feeling tells me it should be placed under other comprehensive income, but the solution to my homework problem says it should be under non-operating expense. Why is that? Shouldn't it be under other comprehensive income because the company doesn't really have control over it? I think it is under non-operating because it's REALIZED. Is that enough of a reason? Thanks.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/what-cheap-insurance-you-have-sr-22-tickets-cleofa-escobedo"