#I gotta introduce this WIP sometime soon

[cheeto-flavoured-pasta]

It is almost 12AM and idk what’s come over me but I haven’t been making many writeblr posts lately. Yeah, I’ve been reblogging some writeblr stuff here and there but most of it is off-topic. So here you go, a midnight snippet of my current WIP (not APS, just to reiterate, coz idk if I mentioned this before but APS is gonna be on the backburner for a long while):

“God, Katz, you didn’t have to yank my arm —”

He shoved his boots off and onto the mat. “Yeah, well, you were slowing down, and it was starting to pour. Now come on, take off your shoes and dry up. You look like a sopping wet cat.”

I slipped my sneakers off and tugged at my ponytail, its slick wet strands making me recoil. Katz threw off his hoodie and I let down my hair, shaking off the water. Just like a wet cat, as he’d said. My hand fumbled for the cloth hanging on the hook in the wall, tugging it off and rubbing it against my hair vigorously. 

“You want takeout?” Katz asked. 

“What delivery guy is gonna show up in this weather?”

“Fair enough.” He splayed out his hoodie on the back of the chair near his desk, sitting in the corner. 

I turned back to return the towel to its original spot, and stopped short. A giant scratch, one made with tiger’s claws, embedded itself in the wood next to the hook. Jagged and splintered, the wooden remains stuck out like a sore thumb. Katz rose a brow. “What’s wrong?”

“Has… has that always been there?” I pointed to the mess in the wall. 

He came forward to get a closer look. “Huh. I guess so. I guess the previous tenant made a mess in the walls and I never noticed.”

“How do you not — oh, never mind, I won’t question it. You wouldn’t notice if someone shot a bullet through your skull.”

“Do you want food or not? If you’re gonna tease me, I’m kicking you out.”

“I’d like to see you try.” I slipped off my jacket and headed towards the tiny kitchen in the next room over, feet drying with every step on the rugged carpet. The medium-sized fridge in the corner contained nothing but bread, cheese, fruit, and slices of ham. “God, Katz, how do you live off of this?”

He walked into the kitchen. “Don’t know. I just do.” He pulled out the bread, ham, and cheese. “You want a sandwich?”

“Well, there’s nothing else to eat, is there?”

Katz slapped together two ham-and-cheese sandwiches and served them on small plates in the coffee table of the living room. He splayed himself on the couch, and I grabbed the chair from his desk to sit. The food was mediocre at best, but I wasn’t focused on that. Why did that scratch in the wall catch my eye? Why was I still looking at it? Why did it make my stomach turn?

“Hey, do you still feel like you’re being watched?” Katz piped up. 

“Hm? I mean…. No. Mark’s not here anymore.”

“We still don’t know his deal.”

“And maybe we don’t wanna know. Your curious streak’s never really done you any good.”

“What do you mean, yes it does!”

“Huh, like that one time you almost got dragged away by the cops ‘cause you kept badgering the news reporter to tell you what the Great War was about—”

“That was essential. The XPA doesn’t tell us shit about what happened before the Reform.”

“They literally gave an entire explanation based on their findings.”

“A vague one. They didn’t give the reasons for the war, or who won, or —”

“Yeah, ‘cause they don’t know that yet. Nobody remembers everything, we’re all just going off of whatever remains of the past.” I sighed. “Anyway, Mark. I don’t wanna know about him.”

“You don’t wanna know about anything, so your opinion doesn’t count,” he said. 

“Oh, and yours does.” I rolled my eyes. “I don’t know if he’s gonna be back — I hope the fuck not — but if he is, you’re not interrogating him.”

“Fine, fine, I won’t. But to be honest, if I wasn’t so worried about you, I would have done that already.”

“Keep worrying about me then. This is the only time you’ll ever hear me say that.”

[queerofthedagger]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

Thanks so much for the tag! <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

132 which. insane.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

1,520,700 which is even more insane. anyway

3. What fandoms do you write for?

BBC Merlin, Stranger Things, The Sandman, The Raven Cycle, and Lord of the Rings, and coming soon probably also Black Sails, let's be real

4. Top 5 fics by kudos?

Old Haunts (Are For Forgotten Ghosts), A Study in Choices and Second Chances, I Wouldn't Leave You If You Let Me, Still I Surface in Morning Light, and Fate Rests Heavily On Our Shoulders. I'm never not baffled by the fact that my two most popular fics not only are for HP, but are for Regulus/Harry. Like. That tag has maybe 100 fics???

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes!! Sometimes it takes me a while but I'll tend to get around to them eventually <3

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I think that's a toss-up between my my s5 Morgwen AU With Eyes Wide Open, and the one where I made the Diamond of the Day worse, watch all my bridges burn

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

This is such a difficult question because Angst with a Happy Ending is kind of my brand. That said, esp where Merlin is concerned, one thing I think about a lot is the inevitability of tragedy and how, no matter how many fix-its I write, personally I believe that most of them, if I didn't end them before the fact, would eventually end in some kind of tragic way, actually. Like. Very rarely is Merlin not immortal, or the world not against them, or or or. So in that vein I guess one of the happiest ones would be We Can Always Run because it's such an utter rejection of destiny, an utter refusal to even pretend they're playing the game.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Very rarely, thankfully.

9. Do you write smut?

Occasionally, yeah! It's a constant process of pushing at my comfort zone tbh, but I do enjoy doing it (ha), so!!

10. Do you write crossovers?

Nope, it's just not really my thing, neither for writing nor reading. Obviously never say never but yk.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Unfortunately (don't do this).

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! Such a cool feeling, I love the thought of them existing in other languages in the world <3

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope; there have been and are a few plans for that floating around though 👀

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

This is so hard but in the end it gotta be merthur, like, because I love them to pieces but also just for the sheer amount of words I've written for them. Not sure if/how that would ever get topped, especially considering it's like, on-going.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

There's a bunch of HP WIPs I would have loved to finish, but I've fallen so utterly out of love with the fandom I don't really think it's ever going to happen at this point tbh.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Worldbuilding, plots/characterization, and prose; I think I'm solid in those and they come easily to me/bring me the most joy when writing. Editing, in a way, because I'm an obsessive bitch with a system about it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions; I'm just not a very visual writer, which is not too huge of an issue when writing familiar characters and settings in fic, but becomes immediately and glaringly obvious whenever I 1. introduce non-canon stuff, or 2. have a go at OG. Also planning/outlining; I can make a bunch of notes but if I write an outline, I will not write the fic. I don't think it's necessarily a weakness, but it can make a bunch of additional work when it comes to the plottier stuff.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

Not the biggest fan tbh, which I know is probably controversial but odds that your audience will understand it are low if it's more than a bunch of words you can guess from the context? I prefer the ""dialogue," he said in Latin" approach. It's subjective though I get it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Bandom RPF at like, 12 (not telling you which band peace and love). I took a long fandom hiatus until a couple of years ago though, and under this fandom alias it'd be HP/Tomarrymort.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Still There Are Many Names In History, I think. I love a lot of stuff I've written, but that story has my entire heart in it, and the response to it has left me sobbing like. a ridiculous number of times which, like, is not something that I usually have to deal with lmao.

No Pressure-tagging: @prattery @emryses @glaftwlet @snapshotmaestro @merlinemrys @atlantablack @insane-ohwhyfandoms @hazelands @aeonthedimensionalgirl @slantedknitting and anyone else who'd like to, just say I tagged you <3

[typicalopposite]

2023 Fanfic Wrapped

Thank you @onthewaytosomewhere for the tag! :)

Sooo this year has been a wild ride fandomly for me... to say the least.

(we're gonna go ahead and add a cut cause she's gonna get long)

It started with a few prompt fics in January

Feel The Rain On Your Skin Destiel(SPN)663 words Tumblr Prompt Game “We’re in the middle of a thunderstorm, and you want to stop and feel the rain?” overtime - Steddie(Stranger Things)1305 words Fic prompt game “we’re you ever going to tell me?”

I worked on some WIPs I wont include because they were started in 2022 through February . Then in March I started three new fics (because I am insane) that are all still on going WIPs as well, but the first two that I share were left on a good stopping point; so you're not left with that bitterness once you see they haven't been updated in a long time. The last one... we won't talk about her(I swear it's not abandoned I just have been hyperfixated elsewhere and life has been messy)

It Takes Two - Starsky & Hutch 8746 words Nothing more than a box that had fallen over. He laughed at himself and relaxed for a brief moment — since at least there was no rat — but it was short-lived as he turned the box to reveal the writing on the side.  Give to Dave It was written in big red letters in Terry’s handwriting; Starsky felt like he might be sick. Her parents had brought it after… said it was in her apartment. He didn’t even know about it, and he had not yet found the strength to open it. So it was hidden away in his closet where he could forget about it, and he had. Go figure, he thought.  Interdit - Portamis(The Three Musketeers)8241 words It happens while Aramis is hunched over Porthos, stitching — or rather trying to stitch, as Porthos repeatedly flails and hisses and snatches away from Aramis’ needle — the slash across his left eye. just a little while - Gallavich(Shameless)12,725 words Mickey will be a shit dad. He will. He knows he will. It’s fucking encoded in his DNA… or some shit. Except, how come every time he’s stuck with one the Gallagher kids, it feels like the exact opposite…

Which brings us to August, when everything changed... drastically. I was introduced to RWRB and although I started getting ideas for fics and even started writing one I still haven't finished prior to seeing the movie, just a few days after it released I went on a spiral of writing i have NEVER gone on before... and it doesn't seem to be stopping anytime soon.

August - December every fic I wrote has been FirstPrince

August

Zahra Deserves A Raise 5091 words or Five times Zahra has to put up with Alex and Henry's shit... and definitely didn't get paid enough for it... plus one time she was happy to. A Summer Scandal 6123 words It’s next summer and they made it back to the lake house… but let’s make it angstier than last time. :) we're gonna need some pizza 1017 words Missing scene from when Alex comes out to Ellen. or What happens between Ellen ordering the pizza and her asking Alex what he identifies as. Home 2675 words Just my take on Movie Henry getting into the brownstone :)

September

Sometimes 2638 words Alex helps Henry through a difficult time regarding his father. what's not to like 1096 words It’s been four days since Oscar looked at his son and said, “Sometimes you just gotta jump… and hope you’re not standing on a cliff.” Or... Missing scenes after Henry leaves from Oscar’s POV What If 5817 words Alex called all day, everyday, for a week after Henry left the lake house. Each time Henry wished it would be the last; that Alex would take the hint, and let it go. Each time there was another call. Until there wasn’t. or... What if Alex never stormed the castle to win Henry back?! tell me more, tell me more 2981 words What are best friends for if not to go gush about the person you are secretly in love with after each (totally not but totally IS) date. or... The missing scenes of Nora and Percy finding out the story behind each time Alex and Henry get together. The Royal American Wedding Planner 9371 words It’s going to be the wedding of the century! But more importantly it’s going to be the wedding of their dreams. Zahra is going to make sure of it. ORRR 5 weeks of problems with the FirstPrince wedding and 1 perfect day!

October

Three Days 29,542 words He looks down at Henry’s body, steps closer. He’s right beside the bed and lays a hand on the top of Henry’s head. “Say you could go back three days; back to before all the missed plans, before all of the arguments, before the promotion… before the accident. Would you?” “Of course I would…” ooorrr I decided to write an angsty little Christmas fic in October based off an equally angsty movie I use to love back in the day one thousand four hundred and sixty four hours 926 words Alex has always made a habit of obsessively remembering certain days. Important days, of course. Ones that leave a special mark on his memory. Ones that he never wants to forget. eight legged freaks 895 words henry pulls a prank on alex based on a picture of a spider earring i saw on facebook cake-gate, baby gates, and a mess Henry could have avoided 1655 words Henry and Alex agree on a lot when it comes to parenting. They also disagree on a lot; that's just par the course with parenting, though… right? One thing they both sway on the fence about is baby restraints… or whatever the technical terms for them are. and so the story goes 2068 words Henry suggested Alex try his routine on the days he would have been putting her to sleep, to keep her nights as close to normal as possible. But Alex’s eyes went crossed trying to understand which concoctions (and the correct amounts) Henry uses for bath time. He knew he wouldn’t be able to sit still long enough to brush through her hair more than just the amount of times it took to detangle it. Most importantly though, he absolutely sucks at bedtime stories… which have always been her favorite part of Henry’s routine.  let me hear you SCREAM 2789 words Then Henry looks up from his writing desk, through the front window of the Brownstone, and sees a ghost face mask staring back at him from across the street. He certainly didn’t expect Alex’s idea of getting him back to involve… well that. The cloaked figure doesn’t move, save for a slow rise of his hand to give Henry a slight wave. It’s extremely creepy and Henry has to push back from his desk and get away from the window.

November

proud to be yours 4086 words “Made me very proud to be your boyfriend,” Henry had said. And Alex replied; “I’m always proud to be your boyfriend.” Henry made his little snide upperclass joke and Alex grinned and laughed as if he had just heard the most hilarious thing in the world. Then the moment was interrupted and quickly forgotten as they readied themselves to meet with the King. And it probably should have been the end of the topic — for Alex, perhaps it truly was. But for Henry, who tends to overthink things for the worse, he just can’t forget about it. or... Five times Alex was introduced as Henry's boyfriend, and one time he was introduced as his husband. ten seconds 'til 3544 words Five New Years showing the reasons that brought Henry to hate the holiday… and the one that changes his mind so says social media 606 words Alex shrugs and turns his phone off, sliding it into his pocket to resume watching TV. “Who knows, people just love to stir up drama.” Or... I have watched people micro analyze TZP and (especially) NG on social media so much I wrote a FirstPrince fic about it.

December (I have only posted one this month, because I was feeling the pressure of giving myself a timeline on a fic, and also joining the gift exchange... that being said I am going to add the gift fic to this list on the first.)

i saw papa kissing santa claus 3483 words “O- Oh, hello there young lady,” Henry says, swapping back to the deep American accent he’s been using as Santa, and Alex looks past him. There is a little girl storming towards the cottage; their little girl.

There you have it! My insane list of fics I've published in 2023, totalling up to 118,000+ words!

I honestly don't know anyone to tag who hasn't probably already been tagged, so I will leave it open to anyone who wants to join it! It's really fun to go back and actually see what you have accomplished in a year. Here's to 2024! :)

[houndfaker]

I absolutely adore your phantom thief kikuno!!! I'd love to hear more about it, anything you want to share :] (especially the persona I really love the design 👉👈)

uhm well uhm hiiii 😊 THANK U hiii i love being the talker. got a lot to say so it’ll go under da cut

being really frank a lot of it is a heavy wip but the concepts in my brain were clear enough that i wanted to start drawing for it right away. it’s very loose structurally

it’s essentially me pulling shit from the drama cds to do something ultra self indulgent.

she becomes a phantom thief kinda late in the game as my hypothetical palace concept that would get her involved with the thieves in the first place is one that has to do with the kirijo group, placing it just after haru joins the thieves on the timeline; this follows the implicit canon timeline where p5 takes place sometime after p4au. the kirijo group announces it is taking a different direction that has bad consequences and the thieves gotta Stop It (still trying to work the specifics of this out) and they initially think they’ll be happening upon a palace belonging to mitsuru.

surprise, it’s not mitsuru, its takadera (for those who might not recall, he’s the one-off antagonist character in the drama cd kikuno is introduced in, who attempted to take control of the group while mitsuru was grieving) who is back with a vengeance and has something planned that corners mitsuru into working with his demands. they don’t figure out as much until they find him in the palace since he’s not acting as a public figure at the time.

amidst their snooping, ever-observant kikuno catches sight of the thieves and tails them, which of course leads her straight into the metaverse as they get their hits on the new palace that’s sprung up.

kikuno adjusts almost immediately to the absurdity of the situation because it feels just like the dark hour, which she’d experienced nightly for 6 years of her life up until the dark hour disappeared. the metaverse comes off to her as essentially that with a few extra quirks, which isn’t accurate to anyone but herself. upon coming face to face with shadow takadera, much like many of the past thieves, his spiteful raw feelings, especially in reference to mitsuru, trigger kikuno’s awakening.

she takes it like a champ, she’s expected for a long time to eventually awaken, even if after 10 or so years going without one and getting by on her prowess alone had her convinced it might never need to happen. she slots easily into at least temporarily aiding the thieves. kikuno by now has mellowed out a reasonable amount and become more of an individual, but her loyalties haven’t changed. she’ll do anything in the name of protecting her lady, and the shadow operatives by extension.

with the bulk of the lore happenings out of the way, ill leave bullet points for the other stuff

when initially asked what arcana i would assign to kikuno if she were a social link in p3, i proposed hermit because i felt that it well-encapsulated her at the time in her life it would have played out. but for this particular au where she has grown considerably, I think justice would suit her somewhat better.

for designing pierrot i felt something reflecting her role as a personal servant but with a touch of like…jester/clown vibes would be fun, just because i feel it reflects her personality well.

reginald is of course based on reginald jeeves, the quintessential butler character originating from pg wodehouse’s early 1900s literary works. maybe not the perfect choice for a ‘rebellious’ figure, but i couldn’t glean a better fit from my searches, and as soon as i did a little reading i had a very clear image in my head for the persona design and had to go with it. i used inspo from various depictions (the bowler hat and tie in particular), as well as just what Felt Right (the bushy brows and monocle)

i have to do a lot of the work in the way of designing a palace for takadera (hell i have to design takadera in general because he was never given an actual design LOL) but my singular important thought is that there’s a cognitive mitsuru who’s still a child running around, because takadera never stopped viewing her as too immature. kikuno is very protective of her even knowing she’s personified through takaderas mind and spends much of the palace trying to keep her out of the grasp of the shadows.

pierrot is a bit of a silly goofster but with great capacity to be ruthless. this is good enrichment for her because there are a handful of moments in canon that lead me to believe she wants to commit unspeakable violence.

as a member of the thieves despite being in her 20s and the oldest member she doesn’t step out of line Too often but as with anything, if she finds that there is a more beneficial method to something than playing it safe, she’ll go off and decide to do it on her own. unfortunately when it comes to the metaverse, this isn’t always the best option so she’s probably gotten the thieves into hot water before as a result. but she promises to take more heed next time, joker-san. her sincerest apologies.

this is Most of what i have ironed out so far. id like to think more about her dynamics with the individual thieves, as that’s the fun part. thanks for showing so much interest though :]!!

[slightly-smarter-nat]

Hi!! could i request robin buckley x reader, where reader has bumblebee? I don’t really have a plot , maybe reader just got him and robin accidentally finds out so reader introduces bumblebee to robin

It’s kinda bad but i had a dream about it , i thought maybe could be a good plot for a blurb

Bumblebee || Robin Buckley

Pairing: Robin Buckley x Reader

Warnings: Explicit language. If I have missed any warnings, please let me know.

Word Count: 2177 words.

A/N: Thank you so much for the request anon, I really appreciate it. Especially the fact that I actually adore Bumblebee lol. Also, I just want to say that I am working through the requests in my inbox- slowly but surely so please don’t feel like I’m ignoring your request, I promise I’m not. I will try to keep my Masterlist as updated as possible with WIP slots. I hope you all enjoy. The fic is based around 1986. Please note this is an au so some character’s behaviours may be different to what is expected.

Please do not repost (on here or any social media platform), copy, translate or take ownership of my work. Reblogs, likes and comments are always appreciated <3.

Masterlist

GIF not mine

Bumblebee: Robin Buckley-

“Okay baby, I need to leave for band practice.” Robin says in between kisses as the two of you stand on your driveway- to see her off.

You release a dramatic sigh as you move to wrap your arms around her neck instead and display a pout, “I know, I’ll just miss you so much whilst you’re gone.” You let out in a downhearted tone.

Robin laughs at your pout and moves to kiss it away, “I know y/n/n, but it’s a shorter practice today. Well, that is if Larry decides not to be a total dingus and actually stay awake long enough to do his solo.” You smile at her teasing words, “I’ll be back soon and we can hang out for as long as you want, okay?”

You squint your eyes as you pretend to consider your options. Robin smirks at your antics, knowing you’re just trying to prolong her leave, “Hmm, I guess that sounds reasonable.” You finally let out playfully.

Robin shakes her head, “You can be really cute sometimes, you know that?”

You raise an eyebrow at Robin’s words, alongside a smirk, “Only sometimes?”

Robin chuckles before planting one last kiss on your lips, “Fine, all the time. Now I gotta go. I love you and I’ll see you later.”

As Robin moves to leave, you keep a loose grip on her hand as her arm continues to stretch out due to her movements away from you, “I love you too, have fun.”

Once Robin reluctantly lets go of your hand, she decides to enter a mini jog as she moves away from your house, “Don’t I always? That band would be totally mind-numbing without me, I’m clearly the saviour of the group.” She shouts back as she picks up her pace.

You shake your head with a smile as you watch your girlfriend go, “Yeah, yeah I’ll believe when I see it. Now move your ass Buckley!”

Robin turns to roll her eyes at your words, deciding to halt her actions to enable her to bring both of her hands up to her lips; sending you a long distance kiss.

You blush at her sweet gesture and watch longingly as she resumes her hurried endeavour down the street.

However your thought process is interrupted when you hear a peculiar clinking sound from inside your garage. You slowly turn around towards the noise, attempting to pinpoint what could be causing its origin before you have to open up the doors.

The sound picks up in frequency, causing you to move closer to the garage door, steadily.

As you reach down to grab the aged, rusted garage door handle, you listen carefully as the sound continue to grow stronger in volume.

As you pull up and slide the ivory painted door away, the sound ceases and allows you to study the inside of your garage carefully- hoping to determine what’s happening from within.

Nothing seems out of the ordinary, everything is in its place- ranging from disused bikes to derelict paint cans. Meaning there’s nothing to indicate what’s causing the disturbance.

That is until you notice a slight movement from your car, the subtle noises of the bonnet opening and closing to make an audible sound catches your attention instantly; once it has recommenced.

“Oh Bumblebee, what are you up to?” You ask your car, knowing he has the tendency to act up when you have company over, resulting in him taking cover in the enclosed space of your family garage.

As you move closer to Bumblebee, he decides to communicate to you through his radio, which you have come to the understanding that he lost the ability to verbally communicate like the rest of his kind-relying heavily on several broadcasting channels.

As the radio channel struggles to focus, Bumblebee finally manages to tune in his desired input, ‘D-don’t you forget about me-‘ Bumblebee uses the iconic line from the featured song of ‘The Breakfast Club’- one of Robin’s favourites.

You release a dejected sigh as you move to rub a soothing hand over Bumblebee’s metallic finish; feeling guilty about making him stay concealed, “I’m sorry buddy. You know I could never forget about you. You only have to stay in here when Robin is around because she doesn’t know about you yet.”

Bumblebee remains silent, permitting your next series of words, “Come on then, you can come out now, I’ll let you move around the backyard for a bit.”

Bumblebee releases his own unique version of a content chirp as you move aside to let him out. Taking into consideration that your parents won’t be home for several hours, it gives you an opportune moment to give Bumblebee an essence of freedom.

That’s one of the many luxuries about living in a rather secluded area of Hawkins. Of course you have neighbours staggered around, however the vacant woodland area at the back of your house is a perfect expanse for Bumblebee to transform himself into his natural and towering form- opposed to your treasured, yellow car.

As you step outside the garage, you ensure everything is out of Bumblebee’s path to allow him to follow you around the edge of the house.

Bumblebee knows the routine, stay close by; drive slow and wait for your signal.

After an assortment of steps across the open yard, you intently search the grounds for any form of an unwanted presence, in order to protect Bumblebee from exposure.

The only presence you can detect is from the low hum of Bumblebee’s engine- giving you the all clear.

Once you conclude that it’s safe for Bumblebee to transform, you give him the agreed command, “Bee, roll out.”

As soon as the words leave your mouth, your car contorts itself in various ways to produce a completely new structure.

The rustic yellow conforms into various shades of silver, revealing the underlying materials used to produce Bumblebee’s toughened appearance.

After multiple clicks and motions; what was once your car is now a rather humanised figure, encased in a sizeable, metallic shield.

Bumblebee jumps around in excitement as he squints his eyes open and closed, eager to go on an adventure with you.

His makeshift antennas flick around, generating a smile across your features at the iconic details that give Bumblebee his name.

Allowing his exhilaration to pass, he finally draws his undivided attention to you, producing his hand towards you as he scrambles through multiple radio channels to communicate with you, “T-thank you, f-for your service.”

Varied voices put across his gratitude, though the warmth filling you is from knowing that deep down it’s all Bumblebee.

You give him a fist bump of appreciation, to which he mastered on the day your Father brought him home for you.

“No problem bud-“ Suddenly, Bumblebee tilts his head in concentration, zoning out on an object behind you.

You pause your statement towards him to study his mannerisms, knowing the telltale signs of his defensive mechanism.

Several features shift on his structure, allowing him to appear bigger and fearsome; as his face is masked in a defensive, battle worthy shield, “Woah, hey, easy Bee, what’s going on?”

He releases an agitated din, subtly warning you to seek protection from him.

You choose to turn your gaze behind you to understand what could be causing Bumblebee to become so upset all of a sudden.

That’s when you spot your stupefied girlfriend.

Your eyes widen in horror, “Robin!? What are you doing here?!” You question her rapidly, mortified at the situation.

Robin continues to stare at Bumblebee in astonishment, allowing her mouth to hang open slightly as she scrambles her mind for any form of idea to understand what is going on.

At the mention of Robin’s name, Bumblebee releases a surprised clamour, before shifting into his desired car form. Snapping the bonnet down for good measure.

You wince at the abrupt sound, internally sighing at Bumblebee’s actions, “Bee, I think it’s too late for that now. She’s already seen you.”

Robin ignores how you address the car- as though it’s a living creature; continuing to slowly blink her way through her chaotic thought processes.

You decide to move forward to grasp Robin’s attention, and snap her out of her frozen-like trance, “Robin, I can explain, but you have to listen to everything I say-“

Robin shakes her head in order to move herself out of her own mindset, “Holy shit, that was a robot, but now it’s a car?” She releases in an amazed tone.

You move your head side to side to rally through the minor details, “Technically he’s an autobot, anyway Robin it’s not what it looks like, he’s my car, yes. That’s all, there’s no need to panic because he’s very-“

Robin doesn’t hesitate to string a series of puzzling thoughts together, “Wait, so this is why Steve has to drive us everywhere, because you have some sort of supercar?” Robin attempts to quickly shift through each one of her questions in anticipation of an answer, though at this current moment in time, you cannot provide an answer to any of her questions.

You stand there dumbfounded at Robin’s lack of reaction towards the situation; having expected her to run the other way upon seeing Bumblebee, “Robin, why are you so calm? I expected a scream of horror or something at least, not a question time special.”

Robin directs her curious gaze to you, “Why would I be freaked out? I literally saw a huge spider monster try to devour Hawkins last year, this is nothing compared to that monstrosity.”

You sigh in relief, “Okay, fair point. What made you come back?”

“Oh, I forgot some of my sheet music for practice in your room, so I came back to collect it but when I heard some noises from way over here, I had to come and check it out.” Robin returns her gaze to Bumblebee, completely in awe of him.

You can’t help but smile at how entranced she is by Bumblebee, “You know, you can go up to him.”

Robin doesn’t hesitate to walk over to your car, reaching out a shaky hand in an attempt to admire his details thoroughly.

Once her fingertips graze his yellow and black paintwork, he uses his strength to transform himself back to his towering state; causing Robin to stumble back into you.

You laugh as she reaches blindly for you, attempting to use you as a human shield.

Once Bumblebee has fully transformed, he offers his hand out to Robin, as he would you. She looks at you in question, “Give him a fist bump, he’s saying hi.”

Robin takes your words in and fulfills the fist bump steadily.

Once the contact is made she brings back her hand to cradle, beaming at the new experience.

This is the complete opposite of how you expected this situation to play out, “If I’d have known this is how you would react, I would have introduced you months ago.”

Robin grabs your hand as she speaks to you, “Yeah, you’re a total dingus for that. Y/n, your car is bitchin’.”

“He’s awesome, there’s a lot to know about him; maybe after practice I can-“ Robin dismisses your sentence completely.

“No way, not happening, I’m skipping practice. This is way more worth my time. Can we take him for a spin? Does he drive around like other cars? Does he talk? Does he understand me?” You bite your lip as you listen to Robin’s words.

“You want me to stop don’t you?” She nervously lets out.

You immediately comfort her, “Not at all, you can ask all the questions you’d like. Why don’t we take a drive with him, he’s been dying to go out on the road for days.”

At the mention of a drive Bumblebee scrambles his radio channels, “A-affirmative, c-clear for takeoff.”

Robin raises her eyebrow at his display, “How does he know how to do that?”

You shrug as you move to bring Robin into a hug, “Thank you for being so understanding about all of this, I know I shouldn’t have kept it from you, but I just didn’t know how you’d react.”

Robin pulls you out of the hug to cup your face with her hands, “You know you can tell me anything. I might have a complete freakout and not know what to say, or even say too much but you can come to me about anything, especially if it totally awesome like this, deal?”

You nod to confirm Robin’s words, “Deal.”

Bumblebee uses his skill set to input his own views on the situation, “W-walk this way, A-Ah just give me a kiss.”

You blush in embarrassment at Bumblebee’s behaviour, knowing he’s trying to encourage you on. Luckily Robin finds his antics amusing and gives you a delicate kiss on the lips, “Now come on, I believe you owe me a ride.”

As Robin drags you towards Bumblebee, he quickly collapses into his car form, ready to take you and Robin on an adventure.

You can’t even remember what you were so worried about at this point, having Robin know your secret sends tons of relief throughout your system. The accident of her knowing about Bumblebee came to be one of the best memories of your life; and thanks to Bumblebee and his eagerness to take you and Robin to the most magnificent destinations in Hawkins, gave you plenty of more opportunities to make more treasured memories with your love.

You wouldn’t trade Robin or Bumblebee for the world.

[a-bang-for-your-bucky]

Welcome Home (Part One)

(NOT MY GIF)

Summary: After not speaking to her brothers for over a year, Peyton Rhodes’ life is turned upside down when her boyfriend of four years cheats on her. She uproots her life with WWE and returns home to Atlanta. She finds herself among great friends and she is finding herself again after being lost for so long.

WORD COUNT: 2,624 (well shit). 

Pairings: Cody Rhodes x OFC (Sister), Brandi Rhodes x OFC (sister), Dustin Rhodes x OFC (Sister), past Seth Rollins x OFC, future Kenny Omega x OFC (maybe?), MJFx OFC( maybe?) Could end up being Matt Jackson x OFC (who knows) let the writing gods surprise us.

WARNINGS: explicit language, mentioned cheating, possible future smut (Warnings are subject to change as I continue writing and will be updated as needed).

A/N: This has been a WIP for over a year now. This will be multiple parts. It will be a slow burn. (MAYBE) I’m a sucker for the friends to lovers trope. Please do not think that this reflects my feels toward a certain wrestler (Seth). This story is strictly fiction. I do not own any of the characters except for my OFC(s). Please, please, please, give me feedback. I’m slowly working myself back into the fanfic world. <3

“Cody was right.” I cried as soon as my brother’s wife answered the phone. I hadn’t spoken to my brothers since they left WWE. Cody was upset that I wouldn’t leave with him. Brandi was my way of communication with them. She’d call at least twice a week. This week was different. 

“I caught him. I went to congratulate him after his win over Finn and they were,” I sniffled, hurt coming over me again. “It was Mandy. I thought she was my friend.” I explained to my sister in law.

“Pey, I am so sorry. Please come home. You know AEW has a spot for you whenever you want it.” Brandi offered. It was the same thing she said to me every week, but now I’m ready. 

“I just don’t know why.” I cried. “I was the perfect girlfriend. I basically put my career on hold for him. I thought he was, I thought he was it for me.” Brandi had said that they were going to be home for Cody’s birthday in a few weeks and invited me to come to the party. 

“I’ll talk to Hunter.” I choked out. 

Luckily, my contract was almost up and as soon as Vince heard I didn’t want to re-sign, he settled for my release. We didn’t have the best relationship, but Hunter advocated for me stating that it was best for the company as well as myself. He knew the situation and didn’t blame me for wanting to go.

I knew I had to go back one day. I just never thought it would be this soon. I parked my car in the drive. I could hear Pharaoh announcing my arrival before I could make it to the door. I made my way up the sidewalk to the porch. I took a deep breath and knocked. 

Brandi opened the door immediately. “Well I'll be damned.” She said, “I can’t believe you came!” I smiled, embracing my brother’s wife. 

“Like I would miss my big brother’s 35th birthday.” I lied and she knew it. If Seth hadn’t cheated on me, I wouldn’t be here. 

Brandi led me inside where there were some guests who had gathered in the foyer. Brandi introduced me quickly, leading me through to Cody. “Hey, babe. Your surprise is here.” Cody, who was standing by the fireplace, talking to Dustin, turned and saw me. 

Awkwardly, I raised a hand to wave. “Hi.” I whispered. Cody sat down his drink and walked over to me. I expected him to cuss and yell, but instead, he threw his arms around me, hugging me tightly. 

“Peyton, I'm so happy you’re here.” He whispered. Dustin came up behind him. 

“Long time, no see sis. You know, they invented this thing called a phone. You should look into it. Call your big brothers sometime.” Dustin fussed before hugging me too. 

“It is really good to see you guys.” I tried to hold back the tears, but some escaped anyway. “How have you been? AEW has really taken off huh?” I said making small talk.

Cody nodded, “Yeah, I have the best business partners. I can’t wait for you to meet them.” Looking at my brother, he was truly happy. WWE had given him a few more stress lines, but seeing him now, you couldn’t tell. 

He grabbed my hand, pulling me to follow him. He led me to Matt and Nick Jackson, standing with Kenny Omega and Adam Page. “Guys! Guys! Look who decided to show her face.” Cody beamed, smiling big. The four guys waved. 

“Finally! We get to meet the prodigal sister.” Kenny Omega spoke first. 

“Peyton, these are the guys.” Cody pointed to each of them. “Matt. Nick. Kenny. Adam.” 

“Nice to meet y’all finally. I watch your show every week. You are all very talented.” They all mumbled a “thank you” in tandem. 

The rest of the evening went by smoothly. We all sat and talked. Getting to know The Elite was amazing. It was almost as if I hadn’t been AWOL for a year and a half.  When the party was over, I was helping Brandi clean up. 

“Pey, you don’t have to help. You’re a guest.” She said, grabbing the glasses from my hands. I shook my head.

“I’m family. And family helps.” I smiled, taking the glasses back and continued to the kitchen. Cody walked in behind me with plates. 

“Hey,” he started, “Thank you for coming.” He finished, placing the plates in the dishwasher. I added my glasses. 

“I’m sorry.” I blurted out, turning to face him. Cody looked at me, confused. “I should have left with you. You were right about that place. My career, my relationship, everything, became a shitshow after you left.” tears began to fall. 

“Pey, it’s okay. I’m just happy you’re here now.” Cody wiped the tears away. 

“Code. I lost my title. Seth cheated on me, and I barely got any TV time.” Cody scoffed. He never liked Seth.

“He cheated on you?” Cody growled, and paced around the room. 

I nodded, “I caught him. I went to congratulate him after his win one night and they were,” I sniffled, explaining to Cody. “I don’t know why.” I cried. “And then I lost my title, and then stopped getting TV time, unless I was on Seth’s arm.” I darted my eyes to the ground. “We still had to work together. After everything, I had to pretend like we were the perfect couple, until my last appearance.” Cody pulled me into a tight hug. 

“I pissed a lot of people off with the way I left. I’m so sorry that affected you.” he whispered into my hair, like it was his fault. 

“I don’t blame you, Code. I was granted my release.” I mumbled into his chest. He pulled back. 

“What?” His eyes were wide. 

“I asked for my release and Hunter pushed it through. I’ll be a free agent in 90 days” I explained. Cody smiled like a Cheshire cat.  

“Babe! Dustin! Get in here!” Cody yelled, startling me. The both of them came running, looking for an emergency, but they only saw Cody pouring champagne for a toast. Confused looks covered their faces. 

Cody gave everyone a flute and started a toast. “To our baby sister, the newest AEW superstar.” Brandi squealed and hugged me tight. The guys joined in. 

I was finally home. 

It was hard, walking away from my life in WWE; However, finding my place within the Elite was easy. Especially with Kenny Omega. He quickly became one of my closest friends. The next 3 months were the best of my life. The break from wrestling gave my body and my heart time to heal. Everyone did their best to hide that I was coming to AEW, even leaving fake trails that I was going back to NJPW.

After working out the details of my contract, I was officially signed with AEW. Cody wanted me to make a surprise entrance, interrupt one of his segments. Creative loved the idea of brother and sister reuniting, but they wanted to make it interesting. When my debut date came, I couldn’t have been any more nervous.

Sitting in catering, I was alone, lost in thought, picking at my food. It had been a long journey here, but they made it. AEW came to life and it was thriving. Double or nothing had passed, and that meant tonight was Dynamite.

“Guess who?” Someone had snuck up on me, covering my eyes. I smiled because I knew exactly who it was.

“Hmm, Prince Charming?” I guessed quickly. Kenny placed a sloppy kiss to my cheek.

“Close, but better.” He said uncovering my eyes. “Hey, princess. Just thought I’d come save you from your thoughts. What’s going on in that head of yours right now?” he asked, knowing I’ll tell him, taking the seat next to me. 

I sighed, rubbing my face. “I was thinking about my journey, how I got here.” Kenny nodded, but didn’t say anything. “I was thinking about how I get to see Jon again, since leaving WWE, and I was thinking about Seth.” I finally spit it out. Seth, his name leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

“I knew something was bothering you. Talk to me, doll.”

“I was scrolling through Insta earlier. He’s engaged. I know I shouldn’t care, but I do. Not because I still have feelings for him, but because she is, was, my friend, and I don’t want him to do to her what he did to me.” I explained to him.

“That’s understandable, Pey, but people gotta make their own mistakes. Mandy knows what he did to you and she still said yes, so that’s on her.” Kenny said, ever the voice of reason.

I nodded in agreement with him, knowing he was right. I needed to focus on my new path, my new future.

“Peyton!” Cody called from a distance, Brandi following him. It was time.

Cody stood, center ring, proudly. He had won the TNT title at Double or Nothing. He went on about how he was issuing an open challenge every Wednesday.

I stood nervously behind the curtain, waiting for my cue. I was about to make my debut. My life has been a little crazy since I left WWE behind, but definitely for the better. 

As an avid Fall Out Boy fan, I had struck a deal to have my favorite song as my entrance music. I had been using it for most of my career. The music hit, the crowd went crazy. “Holy Hell, that music can only mean one person. The sister of the American Nightmare. That’s Peyton Rhodes!” JR yelled into his mic as I strolled down the ramp, ignoring the crowd. “Peyton” chants filled the arena as I made my way to the squared circle. 

“Peyton Rhodes has joined  AEW and the crowd couldn’t be happier,” Excalibur added. I walked around the ring to the time keeper, grabbing a mic from Justin, and strolled on toward the ring. 

The music cut, and Cody was first to speak. "Oh yeah. I guess we didn't announce this but Peyton Rhodes is AEW!" The crowd screamed at Cody's news, chanting "AEW". 

I soaked in the cheers because I knew it was all about to change. I had been a face for most of my pro-wrestling career, and now I finally get to pursue the heel turn my fans had been begging for. I took in a deep breath and adjusted my leather jacket. 

“Oh, Atlanta, shut the hell up!” I groaned into the mic. I revelled in the audible gasp that could be heard. “That’s right. No more sweet ‘Georgia peach’ Peyton Rhodes. I came to AEW to raise hell, and that’s what I’m going to do.” I wandered around the ring, stopping in front of a camera. “I’m sick and tired of wanting your approval. I’m here to get what I want. And I want it all.” I punctuated as I looked dead into the camera.

“Hear that big brother,” I turned and faced Cody, “Hell just arrived in AEW I hope you’re ready.” I gestured to the crowd, “I hope you’re all ready, because if you thought Cody was a nightmare, wait til you see me, the Dream Killer.” I dropped the mic, and rolled out of the ring. The crowd loved it. “Dream Killer” chants echoed in my ears all the way backstage. 

I was greeted by Dustin, Brandi, and Kenny. “That was perfect, Pey, they loved it.” Kenny said as soon as I was in sight. I grinned, running up to him, jumping into his arms for a hug. 

“The crowd loved you. They’ve been hoping for this heel turn since your WWE debut.” Cody said, smiling from ear to ear as he returned to the back after finishing his promo.

“For real, Pey! You pull off the ‘heel’ thing. I can’t wait to work on your wardrobe!” Brandi squealed, embracing me in a dancing hug. “Just think about the shoes, Pey, the shoes.” Brandi was way more excited about the outfits than the actual turn. She had helped me pick the one I was wearing. Black jean shorts, a front-zip black and white crop top, leather jacket, and black boots. 

“I can’t wait to see where this takes me.” I said before we were joined by the rest of The Elite.  

Nick was the first to speak. “Not bad, Rhodes. You might be a better heel than your brother here.” He elbowed Cody in the ribs.

Matt nodded in agreement, “For real Peyton, the crowd was so hyped for that turn.” He said with a soft smile, bringing me in for a quick hug. 

I turned to face everyone. “Thanks guys. All of you. You gave me this chance.” I thanked them, “I promise I won’t let you down.” 

“You’re a great addition to the AEW family.” Adam complimented, “Come on Ken, we got a match to get ready for.” he said before walking away. Kenny gave me one last hug before following him.

Cody and Brandi also parted as she had a segment coming up, leaving me with the Young Bucks. “Come on, Pey, lets celebrate!” We had walked back to catering where some more of the AEW stars were waiting. In the back, I spotted the one person I couldn’t wait to see again. I told The Bucks I’d catch up with them. 

“Jon!” I screamed, almost running to him. When he saw me rushing toward him, he opened his arms, inviting me in for a hug. Hugging him was a blast from the past. 

“Peyton fucking Rhodes. I heard rumors you were coming. Sweetheart, you knocked them dead.” He spoke into my hair. I gave him one more tight squeeze before pulling away. “Well, you look great.” He said, gesturing to my outfit. 

“I’m heel now. Finally.” I boasted. I’ve been waiting for this for the longest time and no one was taking it away from me. Jon and I talked, catching up. I asked about Renee and he lit up. He was happy and that’s all I wanted for him. He was finally able to be the fighting champion everyone knew he could be. 

“What about Seth? What happened? The last time I spoke to him, he said you guys were happy and he had bought a ring.” Jon asked, and it knocked the breath out of me. I knew he would ask, but I wasn’t expecting him to mention a ring. 

“He cheated on me. With Mandy. They’re engaged now.” I said without choking up, which was a good sign. I could see the disappointment well up in Jon’s eyes. 

“You were always too good for him.” I knew he and Seth were still good friends, but I appreciated the words nonetheless. Jon gave me one last hug before he got called away for his match, leaving me alone in catering again. 

I found a table close to a TV so I could watch the end of Kenny and Adam’s match. They were well on their way to becoming tag team champions. I started thinking about what Jon had said about Seth, about him buying a ring. I couldn’t believe it. He was going to ask me to marry him and I would have said yes, had I not found him with Mandy. I was pulled from my thoughts by my phone vibrating. It was Seth. 

I saw your debut. 

You look good. 

You’re gonna be a great heel.

I miss you. 

I wish you would talk to me and let me explain. 

I read and reread the messages a hundred times before replying. 

Okay, Seth. When and where?

[16woodsequ]

Can you tell us headcannons/scenes from fic ideas you have had but have gave up on?

I do have a few ideas for fics that I either thought about writing but changed my mind, or have, but didn’t ever really plan on writing. This is mostly because the ideas are very angsty and while I like thinking about them, I think they might be super depressing to write.

Hallucinations

One idea I like playing around with is the idea that Steve started to hallucinate Bucky after he came out of the ice. I probably won’t write this fic, because I am not sure if visual hallucinations commonly work by having just one person following someone around and talking to them. I don’t know enough about having hallucinations to feel comfortable using it as a means of telling a story.

But anyway, if you remember my rant about the cabin SHIELD sends Steve to, I imagine that he started hallucinating Bucky either during or after that. Of course, he wouldn’t tell anyone about it because he would be worried about getting labelled as crazy and sent back to somewhere like the cabin or worse.

I think the hallucination of Bucky would be a personification of Steve’s own thoughts and feelings, so at times Bucky would be comforting and friendly. But other times he could be cruel and blame Steve for letting him die (because Steve blames himself,) or point out all his flaws.

Since I headcanon that Steve knows about the bugs in his apartment, he wouldn’t be able to risk talking to Bucky except when alone outside, or in the bathroom. (Which Bucky would take full advantage off.)

I don’t think he would hallucinate Bucky constantly, but Bucky would show up regularly. I think the first time Bucky showed up, Steve was doing something like cooking, and he hears Bucky’s voice saying ‘I’d like some of that’, and he responds without thinking—before his whole body freezes and he realises what has just happened.

Steve knows that hallucinations are not normal, and that he isn’t okay. But he doesn’t want to tell anyone, and part of him guiltily doesn’t want the hallucinations to stop (something that Bucky calls him out on sometimes, because again, he is basically Steve’s own thoughts, which would be hard to deal with sometimes.)

Bucky doesn’t show up while Steve is on missions, which is important because otherwise Steve would definitely be a liability. Also, it is important, because eventually Steve is going to be fighting the Winter Soldier, and the mask is going to come off, and Steve is going to get a shock of a lifetime.

I imagine that after Hill brings Steve and the others to see Fury, Steve locks himself in the bathroom for a while and rants with hallucination-Bucky, trying to figure out if what he saw was actually real. Since Steve has been hallucinating Bucky for a while, he isn’t sure if he can trust his senses. But he argues that he has never seen Bucky during a fight like that, and why would he hallucinate Bucky’s face on someone like that? He has always seen Bucky as his 40s-self, so why would he see someone with long hair and a metal arm?

(Bucky argues that Steve hasn’t eaten or slept properly for several days, and could just be crazier than usual, and if he is wrong, he could be putting everyone in danger. And, isn’t the fact that he is busy talking to himself in the bathroom alone, a sign that he isn’t really stable? The man didn’t even know who Bucky was, how can Steve claim that he is Bucky?)

In the end, Steve decides that he can’t risk not believing that the Winter Soldier is Bucky, and he decides to treat him like it is Bucky, until he is proven otherwise.

I’m not sure if the hallucinations would stop after Steve finds Bucky, and Steve may or may not finally tell Sam about his hallucinations while they are searching for Bucky.

Some more angsty stories I probably won’t write have to do with self-harm and suicidal tendencies/attempts by Steve, so I’ll put that under the cut line.

Suicidal tendencies

I do have a general headcanon that Steve was suicidal back in the 30s-40s. I imagine it was soon after his Ma died. Steve would have grown up being told he was a burden from one source or another, and he probably felt guilty that he wasn’t able to get his mother more care during her illness.

I can see him getting very depressed and listless after her death, especially if he is in-between jobs, and can’t seem to get another one. I headcanon he lived with Bucky, and Bucky would be working to try to pay the rent, and Steve would start to think it would just be better if he weren’t there taken up money and resources.

I think it would take some time before Steve actually decides that he should kill himself, but the idea would slowly grow more and more intrusive. Eventually he would convince himself that everybody would be better off if he were dead. (Especially since, with his illnesses, he has probably been told he is going to die young anyways. Might as well get is over with.)

For this, I headcanon that he planned to jump off the Brooklyn bridge. I’ve looked at pictures, and heard stories, so I think it is possible for him to do that. On the day that he planned it, he waited for Bucky to go to work, and then he put away all his things in the apartment, and wrote a note for Bucky to leave on the table. In the note, he mentions where his body will probably be found.

He goes out, and first stops by Mrs. Barnes to say goodbye to her (although she doesn’t know that.) It starts raining as he begins walking down to the Brooklyn bridge. I don’t know how far it would be from where he lived, but he wouldn’t really be concerned about the distance.

Meanwhile, Bucky happens to come home early. At first he is confused by Steve not being home, but then he sees the note on the table, and reads it with growing horror. Since Steve mentioned where he was going, Bucky dashes out of the house, hoping against hope that he isn’t too late.

It is pouring rain by now, and there is almost nobody on the bridge because of the weather. Steve is right by the railing when Bucky gets there, and he’s kind of out of it since he isn’t in a good place right now. Bucky ends up tackling him and Steve is shocked to see him.

Bucky is, of course, terrified and angry, and he yells at Steve because he is so scared. Steve just breaks down and they eventually make it home. I don’t think suicide was really talked about a lot back then, so neither of them would really know what to do, and it would probably sit between them like an elephant in the room for a while.

Eventually the tension would snap and Steve would probably yell about why he is better off dead, and Bucky would yell back how wrong he is about that. I can imagine Steve saying something like “You know I’ll be dead by thirty anyways. You know what the doctor says.”

And then Bucky grabs his shoulders desperately and just goes. “No! No. They keep sayin’ that, and you always prove them wrong. Who cares what they say? You gotta prove ‘em wrong. You’re going to live till your one hundred, ya hear? Promise me.”

And then Steve would stare wide-eyed at him, and stutter out a promise.

Steve wouldn’t try to kill himself again in the 40s, but that promise would become important after he wakes up from the ice.

When Steve wakes up in the ice, I imagine his depression hit even worse, and it was even harder for him to resist his intrusive, suicidal thoughts. And, when he wakes up from the ice, he is technically 94 years old. So he resigns himself to leaving six more years. He decides he can live six more years before he kills himself. He doesn’t know if he ages anyways, and the thought of living like this forever is horrifying, but he can do six years. He can keep his promise to Bucky and last six more years.

Of course, intrusive thoughts are very hard to resist, so I imagine Steve got close to making another attempt in the two years after he woke up, but he was either interrupted or managed to talk himself down.

And then, eventually he finds Bucky again, and that focus helps push away the thoughts for the time being.

I always imagine though, that while in Wakanda, Bucky remembers Steve trying to kill himself when they were younger, and he confronts Steve about it. That is when they are finally able to have an open conversation about what Steve felt, and what Bucky felt, and where each of them are mentally now.

Self-harm

This was a fic that I actually planned to write. I have a WIP that was going to introduce this eventually.

The idea was that after Steve woke up from the ice, he slowly began to self-harm to deal with all his anxious, repressed emotions. It would start out small—digging his nails into his fists, and arms to try to focus/calm down etc—before eventually it would evolve to cutting.

Steve is very careful to hide it, and his super healing helps. I headcanoned that he used a pocketknife that Bucky gave him during the war (one of the only things of his that he has, besides his compass). He always keeps it on him, and he develops a sort of anxious tick were he unconsciously brushes his hand over his pocket when he is feeling stressed, just to reassure himself that the knife is there if he needs it.

He knows that self-harm isn’t healthy, but he avoids thinking about it. He justifies the fact that he heals quickly, and doesn’t scar. It hardly matters, right?

I usually headcanon that Sam finds out about the self-harm while they are tracking down Bucky. Once Sam finds out, Steve does try to work on quitting, but it is a two steps forward, one step back process for him. He starts carrying around elastic bands in his gear belt so that he can use those when he has an urge.

Usually I don’t have any of the other Avengers find out—although Steve might tell Bucky once they get to Wakanda. Once Infinity War came out, I headcanoned that Steve really wanted to keep from self-harming after Sam and Bucky died, because he knew they would want him to, so he asked Natasha to hang onto his knife for him. She didn’t know why he asked that, but she could tell it was important.

When I first thought about writing this story, it appealed to me because I wanted to write a self-harm story that should the slow progression Steve’s self-harm took.

The main reason I don’t think I will write this story anymore is because it will probably be depressing for a long time. In order to do the slow-burn right, we’d have to follow Steve’s headspace for a while, so it would be a long time before he got any help. I still like this idea, but I probably won’t write it.

I hope you enjoyed those fic ideas! Hopefully it wasn’t too depressing. If you want to chat with me more about this ideas, feel free!

Headcanon masterpost

[keanureevesisbae]

eunoia - prologue

Summary: Sam is trying to adjust to a life post-Steve Rogers.

Sam Wilson x Quinn (Asian ofc)

Warnings: Some spoilers for Civil War, Inifinity War, Endgame and TFATWS

Wordcount: 2.2k

A/N: Did I just abandon my other wips to work on this one? Maybe. This story follows around 50% of TFATWS storyline, but it’s not identical. I honestly don’t know whether or not people are gonna like it, but if you do, please let me know 🥺Our boy Sam deserves all the fics 🥰

Masterlist // eunoia masterlist // 

Not a day goes by that Sam doesn’t think about Quinn. It was at the Joint Terrorist Centre’s headquarters in Berlin when he first saw her on security camera’s. While Bucky was being interviewed, a different set of cameras showed another interrogation room. It was nearly identical to Bucky’s room, though the difference was that there a woman was strapped in a similar containment cell. They had found her earlier that day and according to some intel she was part of another Hydra program, though there was not much known about her yet.

With the reactivated Winter Soldier Program, Sam tried to capture Zemo, before the fugitive disappeared into the crowd. Together with Steve, they took Bucky into an abandoned building. While Bucky slowly regained consciousness and both Steve and Sam being distracted, no one noticed someone sneaking up behind them.

In a twinkling of an eye, both Steve and Sam were tied up with one rope, despite the two of them being on opposite sides of the room. With a certain focus, the petite woman marched up to Bucky, ready to do whatever was her task. As her fingers wrapped around his neck, tips digging in his neck, Bucky seemed to recognize her. A soft ‘hey’ from the Winter Soldier was enough to snap her out of it.

The rope stopped cutting into Sam’s skin, as the woman looked around her. She dropped the rope and she ran her hands through her long black locks. There was something about her that intrigued him. Her eyes darted from one side to the other, before they landed on him.

Sam didn’t know her that long, but he could see that there were a lot of undisclosed feelings. She was confused, maybe even a bit scared.

She introduced herself as Quinn, though adding the fact that she had no idea what her  real name was and Quinn seemed fitting.

Just like Bucky, Quinn was also a target of Zero’s spree. She remembers Zemo breaking her out of the secret and deserted Hydra facility back in Munich, where she was put into cryogenic stasis. Zemo released her into the world, only for her to be caught within a few hours. She had no idea if that was Zemo’s intention, her getting caught that soon.

‘Just a few hours ago,’ Quinn explained, ‘there was this guy with black hair, questionable facial hair, who told me to catch a guy. It was a picture of you.’ She gestured towards Bucky, who tilted his head as his gaze softened.

‘You remember me?’ Bucky asked her.

She shrugs. ‘I don’t know,’ she whimpers. ‘I didn’t when he showed me the picture, but… There is something I sort of remember of you. You walked into the room, dressed in all black, looking visibly exhausted. You were in this other cell and looked at me and told me that it was all gonna be okay.’ Quinn let out a soft—yet meaningless—chuckle. ‘That’s not quite working out.’

Without any more painful questions, Steve suggested she came along and Sam and her actually fought alongside the rest on the airport, making sure Bucky and Steve were on that flight and just like the rest who stayed behind, they were imprisoned in the Raft.

Sam watched her, day in, day out. She was yet again strapped inside a containment cell within her cell, another counter measurement to make sure she was unable to escape. Sam saw how she kicked an entire van to the side on the airport, without breaking a sweat. It made him question whether or not she was just cooperating or if the restraints were really working.

Her petite frame was perfect for her to blend in the crowd, in contrast to Bucky, however strength wise, they were around the same level.

Speed wise, it was Quinn who had the upper hand there.

She simply sat in the cell, staring ahead of her. Sam wondered what happened inside her head, but when they made eye contact, all he could see was sadness and hopelessness.

At night, when the lights were dim and everyone was asleep, he told her that it was all gonna be okay.

‘How do you know?’

‘I just do,’ he said.

For the first time, she smiled at him. ‘And I just have to trust you on that one?’

‘It’s the wisest thing to do. Besides, what have you got to lose?’

After Steve freed them from the Raft, he did not know what to expect from her. Deep down, Sam kinda hoped she would join him. On the airport, it was obvious how well they worked together, but just like Clint, Scott and Wanda, she decided to live her own life.

And just like that, she disappeared.

Sam never thought he’d see her again, but when they all met in the New Avengers Facility, when they learned about Thanos’ plan to capture all the Infinity Stones, she walked in as if she never left. She stayed close to either him or Steve, not once speaking up about what she did in the meantime and Sam never felt like he could ask.

When they landed in Wakanda, Quinn took him aside and asked: ‘You got my back?’

He smiled at her, realizing that his efforts in gaining her trust back at the Raft and the Facility had helped. ‘Always,’ he promised.

But he didn’t keep his promise. He didn’t have her back like he promised.

Quinn was the last person Sam saw, before he disintegrated into ashes, together with half of the world population. Her hand on his cheek, as her eyes darted from side to side, slightly confused of what was happening, but also realizing that he couldn’t have her back anymore.

While Sam was aware that she was right there on the battlefield after they were all brought back, the first time he saw her was on Tony’s funeral. After Steve told him, Banner, Bucky and Quinn he was going to return the Infinity Stones and Mjølnir—looking back on it—it was obvious she knew what Steve decided to do. Sam can still hear the words that left her lips then: ‘Are you sure you want that to be your future?’

Sam did not know what it meant then, but he sure does now. After he received the shield minutes later of a much older Steve, Quinn did what she always does: disappear.

He never knew where she went, what she was doing and while he respects her decision, he still thinks about her. Every single day. His hope of seeing her again, hasn’t faded away and sometimes it frustrates him. He barely knew her, why is he so hung up on her then?

Sam lets out a sigh, as he drives his truck over the roads to his destination. It has been a rough couple of weeks. He is working closely together with the United States Air Force and after a few missions, he made his decision whether or not to give up the shield.

Without Steve, the shield is nothing.

He desperately needs a break from all of this and there is no place like Delacroix Louisiana to wind down from the hectic of an after Blip world. He had been there two times, but both times ended abruptly as the Air Force needed him.

Now, he has the time. All the time in the world to relax and forget about an Avenger like life.

Sam parks his car on the dock and his nephews AJ and Cass are the first to notice him. ‘Uncle Sam, uncle Sam,’ they exclaim.

‘Ah, there you two are,’ he says, hugging the two boys tightly.

‘How long are you gonna stay this time?’ Cass asks.

‘Awhile,’ is the answer he is giving his nephews, but that is mostly because he wants to keep them in suspense a little.

AJ scoffs. ‘That’s not an answer.’

‘Okay, okay, gotta give you that,’ he chuckles. ‘How about: at least two weeks?’

The two boys high five each other. His sister Sarah loudly places a crate on the ground. ‘Finally,’ she says, ‘took you long enough.’

‘Nice to see you too,’ he retorts with a smile, before giving her a hug. ‘Missed you.’

‘Of course you did,’ she says. ‘We missed you too, just like almost everyone here. Almost got me thinking that you’re the favorite Wilson sibling.’

‘That’s because I am.’ He carries the crate to where Sarah wants it and he smiles when his eyes land on the family boat. ‘She sure is a beauty.’

‘A broken beauty,’ Sarah says, ‘that is costing me a fortune.’ She places her hands on her hips as she says: ‘With both the house and the boat needing some fixing up, every penny I got to spare is going to the house.’

‘Is this about you wanting to sell it again?’

‘Yes, since I’m not willing to sell a working organ on the black market in order to afford its repairs.’

‘I told you I would fix it,’ Sam says.

Sarah rolls her eyes. ‘Yeah, you told me that months ago, but the boat still isn’t working. You know the situation, Sam, the thing’s gotta go.’

‘Sarah, you’re kidding. We grew up on this thing.’

She scoffs. ‘Yeah, I know, I was there. It’s just that I cannot afford it anymore.’

Sam sure loves his sister, but there are moments where he—just like back in the days—he’d want to put her behind the wallpaper, making her shut up. It’s always this doom thinking. Everything or nothing at all, there is no in between. ‘You know I can help with this.’

‘Yeah, big help you’ve been.’

Sam clenches his jaw. ‘Well, I’m sorry I was taken away by the blip.’

‘It’s not about you being gone for the blip,’ Sarah says. ‘It’s about the fact that there is too much for me to do here. I need to keep the house, so it’s either keeping the boat or the business and since the business is my income, it’s only logical that the boat has got to go.’

Great, he has been back for a few minutes and he is already having this conversation with his sister. ‘I’ve got this, Sarah, I promise.’

She doesn’t believe him, he can see it in her eyes, but decides to drop the matter. Maybe she realizes too that this is no conversation for them to have after he got back for only a few minutes.

The two of them step back on the dock, where his nephews are stretching out their necks, almost like they are searching for something. ‘Whatcha looking at?’ Sam asks. ‘See a pretty lady?’

‘Is that,’ Cass starts, only for AJ to exclaim: ‘Auntie Quinn!’

The two boys drop their stuff and rush over the dock to the woman Sam never thought he’d see again, let alone right here. Quinn holds out her arms and despite the boys being nearly the same height as her, she still manages to catch them both as they jump in her arms. They must’ve known about her enhanced strength, Sam thinks to himself, otherwise they wouldn’t have jumped right in her arms.

But that raises another question: how could they’ve known?

‘Auntie Quinn?’ he asks Sarah.

Sarah nods. ‘Auntie Quinn,’ she confirms.

She’s gonna leave it at that? ‘Care to explain?’

‘I think it was two weeks after you were blipped away. It was chaos here, like literal chaos. People were missing, I hadn’t heard anything from you. She walked up the dock and offered her help. I thought for at least a month she was an angel send from the heavens. She told me she saw you right before you were blipped away and that she went to your place back in DC. She found out about us and decided to see how it all went down here. Thankfully she did, because I desperately needed her help. She assisted with the business, helped raising the boys.’

To say he is confused, would be an understatement. ‘She stayed here?’ he asks. ‘During the entire blip?’

‘Oh yeah,’ Sarah says, holding up her hand to Quinn. ‘I think all in all, she stayed here for four years. Sometimes she went away for a few weeks, but she always returned. Near the end, she called me and told me that Steve needed her. It’s actually the first time I’ve seen her in a while.’

Sam can’t stop looking at the big smiles and chuckles being exchanged between AJ, Cass and Quinn. She hugs his nephews tightly and even from a distance he can tell she is scolding them for growing taller.

‘I think that without her,’ Sarah continues, ‘I barely would’ve made it. She was slightly clueless though. Had issues with the simplest tasks, like cooking and day to day stuff, but she’s a fast learner.’

It shouldn’t warm his heart like it does, but Sam can’t help but smile as he realizes that Quinn went on the look out to care for his family.

‘She told me she had no memories of growing up. Poor thing,’ Sarah says, shaking her head as she as well looks at the trio. ‘She tried so hard to remember, but in all those years she spend here, no luck. I wonder if she does now.’

She doesn’t. Sam doesn’t need to ask her, because he simply knows.

Quinn still doesn’t remember her past.

[depvotee]

Author Questions

Tagged by @xbaebsae and @p0lkadotdotdot 

Tagging @amistrio, @sleepfight, @theodoresart, @eulerami, @cobb-vanthss, @sarchelyur, @chazz-anova, @risenlucifer, @shellibisshe, @dorkousloris, @oldserah 

Name: Jonathan.

Top 5 Fandoms Written:

Star Wars (OLD and mostly swtor)

Cyberpunk 2077

Far Cry 5

The Wayhaven Chronicles

[REDACTED] book :)

I’m going to be honest most of my written stuff has been personal and had never seen the day light, and others I’ve did put out there, but I’m not as proud of them anymore and sometimes delete it, I know I shouldn't, but I’m trying to get better <:’P Without saying the last infamous fandom basically used to suck the life off from me.  

Top 5 Fandoms You Want To Write For/More:

Far Cry 5, I have TONs of drafts in this site for it but no structure what so ever, so once I figure that one out, you’ll see them go. I’ve also wanted to try my hand at Cyberpunk 2077 again, since cyberpunk and sci-fi was ALL I’ve wrote in high school, but 2077 is a bigger fish to fry since I wanna do a 180 and Cold War, I have a few ideas for my Bell.

Stories You Wish More People Knew About:

I’m putting inspirations here :3c: 

Dathan Auerbach - PenPal: It’s the story about a man remenincing of strange events on his childhood and his best friend at the time. The book made me feel SO bad after finishing it, the narration is amazing and the setting of the scenes keeps you at the edge. How the story unfolds is heartbreaking and well thought out, even if the chapter structure seem a bit disjointed at first read.

Gillian Glynn - ANYTHING SHE DOES: The first time I read the first chapter of Gone Girl I knew this woman was going to keep me at the edge and she did. I thought I love Gone Girl because it’s the book that introduce me to her, Sharp Objects stole the place of my favorite book of hers. She made me understand why I felt a huge halt at some point in Thriller stories, emotion, personal connection, and biases. And her exploration of trauma just hits me like a sack of bricks, she has a way to show it in its most critical state. Her protagonists have space to be someone, period, not necessarily nice but to stretch as far as they need, her narration that is nuanced by every character and that just does it for me.   

I have a LOT more but I’ll be here all day. Just shout out to Timothy Zahn that made my favorite Star Wars books.  

Ship(s) Written The Most:

Male!Deputy/Jacob Seed

Male!Detective/Nathaniel Sewell

Sterek 😳 (I deleted everything from the face of the earth!)

Male!Imperial Agent/Vector Hyllus

Male!V/Oleg

Male!Bell/Helen Parker

And a great chunk of time: oc x oc

Character(s) Written The Most:

That’s gotta be Quinn (oc) and Jason(oc), Quinn made me want to go back into writting and Jason just popped the vein even more. 

How Many OCs Do You Have:

<:s Dont make me count just, a lot.

 How Many Series Do You Have:

A lot.... My drafts are FULL.

What Do You Do With Fics You’re No Longer Interested In?:

Delete them!!!! Which, I’m trying to avoid now <:’P

Coming Soon:

I’m between: A ton of Jason one shots with his time before FC5 main events, how Eli, Jacob and him meet. And Also shorts stories with Marid and Oleg and they’re gimmicks on NC. 

So, when I get my shit together, some of these!

Line From A WIP:

“Urgh, everytime he opens his mouth I only hear Royal Blue Radio”

Do You Accept Prompts?

I guess, I do? <:D I would like to write more this year, tbh. 

How Do You Feel About Kudos?

I’m a whore for kudos, I’m tinkerbell, I need attention or I’ll die. (JK, But I get why some people prefer them over comments, some people are shy, or just have nothing to add.)

Do You Read Fic As Well?:

I DO! I used to read most of the time when I hop into a bus all the way home, but since the pandemic, I can’t do that now. I prefer to do it before going to sleep.

[akindofmagictoo]

meta tag game

thank you @isherwoodj for the tag and for encouraging me to choose this info dump specifically! this was a lot of fun! 

rules: this tag is an opportunity to infodump any cool meta about your wip! this can be anything you like: lore, worldbuilding, character development, metaphors, themes, symbolism, etc. just any cool details about your wip that makes it what it is. 

so. this is not for Hurricane. this is for the WIP that I “introduced” in this post, and it’s very new but I’ve been worldbuilding for it recently so *cracks knuckles* here we go you don’t really need to know much about the plot for this. 

this is about the knight system for this world. it’s going to get long. strap in. 

I promise I’m going to introduce this WIP properly soon!! (if you’re interested, let me know and I’ll start a pseudo-taglist now)

TAGGING: @zmlorenz​ @writingbyjillian​ @i-prefer-the-term-antihero​ @tea-and-pirates​ (i saw a post about your WIP and i want to know more!!) @haventriestowrite @arcaneanomalywrites and @hekat-ie! no pressure :) 

bonus fun fact: i sat down to work on this a bit last week and suddenly it turned into 1.2k words in my worldbuilding document. somehow. this is a (hopefully) condensed version. 

knights aren’t highborn people; prestige comes with knighthood, not the other way around. but you do get nobles as knights

the knights wear a black uniform with yellow/gold detailing (yellow is the royal colour but yellow fabric is reserved for the royals themselves) 

TRAINEES

trainees are often collected from cities around the main continent (which has no name shhh). it’s basically kidnapping. let’s not sugarcoat it. 

they live and train in the main citadel, and train with citadel knights and retired knights. they also learn to read and write and stuff like that. they have no uniform. 

trainees may become squires from age 12; twice a year a ceremony called the Choosing occurs, and trainees may not put themselves up for Choosing every time, often depending who is coming to Choose. knights will specifically choose a squire, usually one who is interested in the posting that that knight has. 

knights Choosing will traditionally have 4-5 years experience, and if they were knighted at 17 (youngest possible age) they generally have more. they have to be cleared to take on a squire. 

trainees who are unsuccessful in three Choosings that they put themselves up for, or who reach around 16 with no mentor, will be found another job in the citadel. they can travel home but many aren’t able to and find it easier to stay. 

SQUIRES

squires live and work with their mentors (they get a uniform) and do things like cooking and cleaning, cleaning the knight’s clothes and armour, etc. they accompany their mentor on any missions; they might help in a fight and their help might be asked on dispute resolution, but at very least they watch and learn. 

generally five years as a squire is the minimum requirement for knighthood; the mentor will judge whether or not a squire is ready. 

CITADEL KNIGHTS

citadel knights are those knights posted in the main citadel (*gasp*). they enforce the law and keep the peace, and resolve disputes brought to them. they have on-duty and off-duty time, with the general understanding that only life-threatening or urgent matters are brought to them after dark. otherwise if they’re in uniform, they’re on duty. 

they may also be sent on separate missions since they’re easy to contact (many of them help with trainees and/or are in and out of the castle with reasonable frequency). sometimes they go partner with resident knights (see below for more). 

they have a few days off each month (taking it in turns so most knights are still there). however they can rarely travel far so many spend their holidays in the citadel. 

this is where Isi is posted. also the annoying guy who used to be her rival is posted in the citadel. (it was a two-sided rivalry to begin with, but she grew out of it and he didn’t) 

CASTLE KNIGHTS 

castle knights are specifically responsible for the royal family’s security. they live in the castle itself and work on much shorter shifts with more time off per day (since they’re on high alert), but fewer days off per year than citadel/resident knights. they don’t have the counselling/dispute resolution role and the selection process is way stricter. 

RESIDENT KNIGHTS

resident knights are like citadel knights but posted in other parts of the continent. their role is similarly law enforcement/peacekeeping/dispute resolution. also dealing with miscellaneous threats to their specific homes. 

they tend to have much closer relationships with the people there than the citadel knights do, because they will stay in the one post for years on end, sometimes for life until retirement. they do however get time off to visit the citadel for major events, training, or just holidays. they have longer holidays than citadel knights but are generally expected to spend them in the citadel. 

the outer parts of the continent are much less strictly governed bc distance, so the resident knights are also generally more chill. reporting stuff is hard when you’re far away. you gotta prioritise. 

starting a family is most common among resident knights; they might then work on a tag-team system with others so there’s always someone available to solve problems, but they have enough time to spend with their families. 

as well as dragons I haven’t talked about magic here. but magic is illegal, technically. resident knights are more chill. again, more to come. 

if someone wants to tag me back I can talk about the dragons. who doesn’t love dragons? 

[fictionalarsonist]

The Heartbreak Prince - part 1

pairing ›_ yoonmin ; taegi feat. ›_bts namjoon ; bts hoseok mentions of. ›_mamamoo solar ; exo kai ; bang yongguk content ›_angst ; murder ; violence ; blood ; drinking ; mentions of/implied human trafficking ; mature language ; major character death ; impled/referenced drug use rating ›_pg-13 word count ›_2k 

―

premise ›_Yoongi got out of jail, made himself a living and is trying to get on with his life to be the best and doesn’t care what means it’d take to get there. Jimin’s one of those things, but, to Yoongi, it ends up that Jimin goes beyond than just being a prized possesion. Taehyung believes his hyung’s better than that. 

「 ao3 | mobile m.list 」

[ part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | wip ]

“Don’t screw this up, okay?”

Yoongi hisses in annoyance at Hoseok’s warning, watching his new found acquittance fix his suit as the elevator doors close.

“What do you take me for?”

Hoseok scoffs at Yoongi’s genuinely irritated tone and snatched his suit of his right-hand man standing behind the two of them. Kim Namjoon, Yoongi remembers clearly, inmate #612004. Out of everyone in there Yoongi hated Namjoon’s guts the most, but the guy ended up as a henchman of the spoiled brat he used to gang up on.

“You? You look like a disaster ready to happen”, Hoseok comments in carefree manner as he buttons his suit nicely, “It won’t be pretty, though.”

Yoongi stared at Hoseok’s smug grin and watched him step out of the elevator as soon as the doors opened with Namjoon closely behind. Yoongi fixed his own suit and gained himself while his own henchman held the door for him. Taehyung was good at keeping his professional facade - sometimes -, although he could be a total pain-in-the-ass most of the time.

“Shall we go now, sir?” Taekhyung asked holding the elevator’s doors open with one hand while holding the duly locked suitcase with the other, all the while Yoongi regained some composure before stepping out of the enclosement.

After being in jail for such a long time, he’d rather not stay in places that resemble that hole. What if he has a bad temper? There’s so many people worse than him that deserve the solitary a whole lot more than him.

Namjoon opens the double doors for them and the room behind those doors seems like another world. Somewhere even detached from the hotel it’s in. Everything inside is shiny and shockingly expensive, the people inside are dressed as the finest, most arrogants pricks Yoongi has ever seen in his life.

If they met any other day, in any other way they would pass by and not even dare to step on him, like the dirty rug they’d probably consider him as, but, from today on, things are different.

Yoongi doesn’t mind the doors closing behind him as he follows by Hoseok’s side, his golden ticket in the form of a sick a-hole. Hoseok was the reason Yoongi thought that if fuckers like him - Hoseok, that is - can make it, then, “why can’t I?” So, it just seems right to use no other than him to get where he wants.

After a round of being introduced to people he never even heard off, but had the high profiles he does know bowing their heads to them and indulging conversations here and there he finds himself in an interesting circle.

“Dad. This is Min Yoongi.” Hoseok introduces.

“The kid who watched your back in prison?” The old man smiles and lays his heavy hand on Yoongi’s shoulder with an empty smile, “Thank you. My son is too spoiled, he wasn’t made for that kind of place.”

Yoongi bares a smile to the old man.

“Ah, no need to thank me, sir.” Yoongi says in a respectful tone.

“Hoseok! Make sure you stick by your friend’s side since you got him here.”

“Why me, dad? You got this wrong,” Hoseok says with one of his eyes-smile that could fool anyone, “Actually, today, he dragged me here.”

Yoongi could throw Hoseok a glare for the shameless lie, but was too busy making and covering it up for him.

“I’m really thankful for being invited today, sir. It is an honor to be invited to join such a selective party.”

Yoongi says respectfully yet again, pretending to not see the way the old man throws his son a confused glance as he bows his head right before sticking his hand inside his jacket to reach for one of his business cards. The old man takes it and reads it briefly before passing to his assistant.

“Yoongi here is the founder and CEO of an exporting company,” Hoseok explains, “It’s recent, but it’s being extremely successful. You signed the contract last week, you don’t remember? He’ll be dealing with our goods from China and the Philippines.”

Yoongi watches the stern look on the old man’s face that sends shivers down his body, Hoseok doesn’t seem to get affected at all or so he thinks. A nudge on his foot makes Yoongi jolt and immediately calls Taehyung over.

Taehyung immediately comes closer and ceremoniously places the suitcase to Yoongi to open.

“This is a token of my appreciation, sir”

Just a quick look inside the suitcase makes the old man’s eyes sparkle and Yoongi hides a content smirk.

“I wonder how you got a hold of something so precious”, the old man says, now with an easy laughter and Yoongi shows a smile.

“I’m glad you can appreciate it, sir.” Yoongi replies and the old man nods firmly with a approving grunt.

“I’m the kind of man who likes to give gifts to their friends even better than receiving” The man says approvingly, “You seem to understand me.”

“Of course.” Yoongi replies.

“I’m counting on you, Mr. Min Yoongi.” The old man says as Yoongi closes the suitcase and it is dutifully passed to the old man’s assistant before being passed to someone else and be taken away before anyone could notice.

“I’ll do my best, sir.”

A moment later Yoongi rests on one of the sofas in a corner, dress suit buttons popped open as he sighs in relief. Hoseok plots himself on a armchair nearby. The party is still on, but on a different level and the two of them simply watch.

“You don’t use any of it? Really?” Hoseok scoffs.

“Are you crazy?” Hoseok asks, unbuttoning his own suit, “My dad would make sure I’d be your best harvest.”

Yoongi decides not to delve into this fantasy right now.

“I don’t get close to any of these strong shit” Hoseok says as he watches a woman stumble her way to the couch, “You should keep your head high. Don’t get yourself to use this shit.”

“Yah~ Who the fuck do you think I am?” Yoongi kicks a foot towards Hoseok and the other smirks as the woman settles herself by stradling some guy’s lap.

There’s a silence between them where Hoseok seems too busy lighting up his cigarette. Just a moment when Yoongi’s eyes caught on someone, two people actually.

“Who are they?”

Hoseok follows Yoongi’s eyes and chuckles around his cigarette.

“Ah, them. The twins.”

Yoongi frowns, following the couple. They didn’t seem all the different from others, but there was something about them that seemed like someone casted a spotlight on them and everyone else was just a shadow. Something about their presence that made others give them space to walk and talk, and stand close to.

“They- look nothing like twins.” Yoongi scrunches, “Are they even related?” Yoongi would throw a glance at Hoseok now but his eyes are just captivated by the couple, one of them more than the other.

“They’re not actually twins, but they’re one of a kind. Each of them.” Hoseok pauses to take a drag, “Solar used to own the most popular and high-profiled hostess club and restaurant branch in the country. Back then, she worked under the Red Dragon,” the woman walks away, but Yoongi’s eyes stays on the other, “Jimin- is the son of an executive who owed more than he could ever pay for. Long story short, Jimin paid his father’s dues himself.”

“Jimin?” Yoongi asks.

Hoseok hums around the cigarette, his lips curled into a smile as he sees Yoongi’s eyes. 

“They are the best out of everyone in this room, no matter if you’re my dad or anyone else- no one here has more power in their hands. If you get to sleep with one of them, you’re the best. No one can touch you.”

Yoongi’s head quickly turns to Hoseok smug grin.

“What?”

“Oh. It’s true.” Yoongi looks at Jimin again. No matter how special he thought Jimin could be, he could never see this far. “Don’t go thinking you can charm him that easily. It doesn’t matter how much money you have.”

Yoongi pushes himself to the edge of his seat and looks back at the guy who looks young and rather naive compared to the picture Hoseok is painting of him.

“Who’s that?” Yoongi asks and Hoseok turns to look as well.

“Ah, that’s the director of KCIA. Some people think he’s sleeping with Solar, but he seems quite fond of Jimin too. Though, it might just be business- who knows?” Hoseok shrugs uninterested.

After a moment Yoongi glared at Hoseok and leaned back on his seat.

“Don’t believe me? Just ask anyone.” The ashes from Hoseok’s cigarette fly everywhere when he gestures exaggeratedly. 

***

‘If money didn’t matter for Jimin, then what could?’ - Yoongi just kept thinking about it.

“Tae!” Yoongi called out from his office and Taehyung just materialized itself- well, almost, on the other side of Yoongi’s desk.

“Yes?”

“I need you to look into someone for me. I want you to find out what they like. Flowers, cars, a penthouse, a new liver, plastic surgery. Just anything.”

Taehyung frowns.

“Who?”

“Jimin.”

“Jimin who?” Taehyung tries again.

“You figure it out.” Yoongi orders, impatient, “He was at the party last night.”

“Ah, sure. That sounds- easier, I guess.” Taehyung says sarcastically, then stops, “Wait a- He? You said he?”

“Yes, he. Why? Gotta a problem with it?” Yoongi provokes and Taehyung shakes his head.

“No, you just doesn’t look like-”

“Don’t finish that sentence, you prick” Yoongi half-heartedly complains, “You should call me sir! I’m your boss.”

“Hyung!” Taehyung tries, approaching, “We used to be cellmates! We helped each other-”

“Just do as I say. You’re too problematic to deserve any special treatment for now. Just find him” Yoongi orders.

“But- Sir, is that anything I could use? A piece of info or intel?”

“That’s your job! All I know is that he came along with a girl named Solar last night. She seemed to have connections with Bang Yongguk and the Red Dragon.”

“Yamazaki? He passed on his Seoul branch to someone named Kai.” Taehyung recalls.

“Don’t get mixed up with them again. Didn’t you get in jail because of them? Your target isn’t the girl.” Taehyung sighs

“Okay, hyung.”

Yoongi hisses as Taehyung leaves the room.

***

There’s another party and Yoongi invited himself in. He roamed around for a bit and made his connections as he could, placed his bets here and there, all the while his eyes looked for this one person. But, it all seems useless, Jimin doesn’t seem to be anywhere. He even looked for him where the junkies are enjoying their high, but he’s not there.

“Taehyung. Let’s go.” Yoongi orders.

Taehyung follows Yoongi, opens the doors and accompanies him down the hall. Halting when the other does out of the blue.

Yoongi scoffs.

“I’ve been looking for you”

Taehyung felt a shiver run through him when he heard his adored hyung speak so velvety. He’s seen many sides of Yoongi, but he’s yet to get used to this one, apparently. Taehyung didn’t like how something twisted inside of him, something like disgust sent the food he ate earlier in the evening go all the way up his throat, while the blood pumping to his head caused a painful reaction he tried his best to ignore.

Taehyung sees Jimin’s trained eyes examine the man in front of him and whatever expression Yoongi was showing made Jimin smirk just the tiniest bit and shift on his feet with his hands shoved in the pockets of his dress pants casually.

***

“I heard a lot about you” Yoongi says once they’re alone at the hotel’s restaurant.

Taehyung’s at a nearby table drinking orange juice and glancing at the couple every now and then. Curious. Just curious.

Jimin quirks an eyebrow. He chose not to order anything and cut-off Yoongi when the waitress when she came by, dismissing her with so much as a short sentence that seemed to roll out of his tongue too easily, Yoongi noticed.

“I dislike guys like you the most,” Jimin said simply and Yoongi pretended to not be affected by it, Taehyung shifted on his seat, “I’m not interested in ex-cons and especially dislike lap dogs.”

“I might be an ex-con, but I’m not a lap dog.”

Jimin pouts and tilts his head as if he’s processing, innocently what Yoongi just said.

“Then, get rid of Hoseok’s protection. Until then, stop sending people to stalk me, it’s burdensome.”

Jimin stands up and leaves while Yoongi stays, staring at the empty chair across from him.

***

“Hyung,” Taehyung calls softly and by now Yoongi doesn’t care anymore what the younger calls him.

Taehyung wishes he could stop Yoongi. This is stupid. This is really stupid.

part 2 ⇾

[branlovestowrite]

Reunited: A Stucky Story

I recently fell down the Stucky wormhole after @dracosollicitus started posting her Stucky WIP What’s Left of Kisses (side note, go read that when you’re done here). I’ve read a lot of Stucky stories in the past two months, but I couldn’t find one that had them reuniting in a modern-day, non superhero setting. After a while I decided I should write it myself. I added in Shuri/Bucky BroTP because I LOVE them as besties, as well as a little Jessica Jones/Bucky Barnes friendship because I love JJ and want her in all the Marvel stories. And of course, the women of Marvel ship Stucky and take measures to throw them together. This is my first Stucky story, and, if it’s a ship you’re into, I hope you’ll like what I’ve come up with.

Title: Reunited

Rating: T for mild language and brief mentions of sex

Summary: Bucky Barnes never thought he’d see his childhood best friend, and source of his first heartbreak, Steve Rogers ever again. He is thrown for a loop when Steve ends up working for one of his new clients. What happens now that these boys are together again? Can Bucky finally overcome his nerves and confess his true feelings to Steve?

Also on AO3

On a typical Wednesday morning, Bucky Barnes walked into work, completely unaware that by the end of the day, his life would change forever. That morning had seemed like a normal day in the office. The coffee was stale, the old donuts sat untouched and unmoved, and Shuri was teasing him just like she did every day. “Hey Bucky!” she yelled from across the room. “Yes?” He asked, the corners of his mouth twitching with amusement as he approached their shared workspace. Shuri’s brown eyes sparkled with mirth. “Peter and I are in an argument-” “More like a disagreement,” Peter interrupted, his head poking above the cube wall. “An argument,” Shuri continued “about what dating was like before cell phones. I figured you could help me settle it.” “Really?” Bucky raised his eyebrows in response. “I’m not that much older than you guys. I got my first cell phone in high school.” “But that was old tech,” Shuri clarified. “No dating apps; limited texting. What did you do when you had to… call… people?” She said the word ‘call’ as if it offended her. “I don’t know,” Bucky replied, “I just called them.” He dropped his messenger bag to the floor and sank into his desk chair. “What even is this argument about?” “I say people didn’t… have sex,” Peter explained, a flush rising up over his cheeks and ears. “I mean, that is, they didn’t have sex as soon. They waited longer. Since, you know, they weren’t sexting or sending-” he cut himself off as the remainder of his face turned the same shade as a tomato. Shuri gave an exasperated sigh. “Dick pics, Peter. The phrase is dick pics.”

Bucky groaned and hung his head, his chin length hair falling around his face. “You know, we are working…” “Anyway! I say that even if they couldn’t send dick pics, people still found ways to get nasty because people have always found ways to get nasty.” “What did I just walk in on?” Shuri’s brother, their boss and owner of the company, T’Challa walked up with a concerned look on his face. “Do I need to call Okoye?” “No, please, sir,” Peter fumbled. “Ha!” Shuri laughed. “Peter’s scared of HR!” “I’m not scared of HR; just Okoye. She can be so tough!” “Please make them stop,” Bucky pleaded, turning to T’Challa. Their boss only laughed in return. “If you find a way to make my sister stop, Barnes, you come let me know. I haven’t found one yet.” He walked on, continuing his morning lap of the office. After a minute, as Bucky was bringing up his email, Shuri pushed her chair over to his desk. “So, old man, what did you guys do?” Bucky stopped his perusal to reminisce. He remembered rushing home to get to his computer and see if Steve was online. They would chat for hours via AIM, unless one of them had to get off the computer so a parent could use the phone line. When they each got cell phones they would call each other at 9:00pm sharp, when minutes were unlimited, and talk until one or both of their phone batteries died. A flush grew on his cheeks as he remembered the not-so-innocent turn their conversations sometimes took. While he never did anything explicit with Steve, he thoroughly remembered some of the thoughts he’d had during those conversations; thoughts he’d been too afraid to express. And the things he did with other people, in an attempt to get Steve out of his head. “Shuri’s right.” He said, looking at Peter. Shuri smirked conspiratorially. “Oooo… Bucky got nasty!” “That’s all I’m saying,” Bucky replied, turning back to his screen. Bucky worked for Wakanda Tech, or WT as the employees called it, a startup taking the corporate communications world by storm. T’Challa inherited the company from his father, but most of their recent products came directly from Shuri’s designs. She was a wunderkind, with an innate understanding of technology that put people twice her age to shame. And somehow she managed to combine her technical ability with a personality that was warm and engaging. It was impossible not to like Shuri. Bucky considered himself lucky to have landed a position at WT. Most of the employees were in their early 20’s. He was a random outlier, having met Okoye, their director of HR, at a job fair for veterans. Okoye was not your typical HR rep. She had a strict no-bullshit policy and had no issue with calling out her employees when she felt they were in violation of that. But she was also fiercely loyal and dedicated to the success of WT, having grown up alongside T’Challa. Okoye had an eye for talent, and she saw something in Bucky, even if he didn’t really see it himself. He worked as a implementation manager, helping get new clients on the platform once they’d purchased a license. Bucky had an eye for organization, a direct result of his military training. His personal life might be a mess, but he knew how to get other people in order. Once Shuri and Peter settled their dispute, the office became quiet, although a hum of anticipation still hung in the air. Today was a very important day for WT. T’Challa had been in discussions with Tony Stark about bringing their product to Stark Inc. If they landed this contract, there would be a huge bonus for everyone. Negotiations were almost complete; Stark was coming by later to hopefully sign the final documents. Bucky couldn’t calm the anxiety that crept up his spine. He never liked brash, overcompensating men like Stark- or at least the way Stark was portrayed in the media. When he was younger, he’d stopped more than a few of those types from beating Steve to a pulp. He’d learned to live with them in the Army, being surrounded by meatheads who preened like peacocks to hide their insecurities. He’d had his fill of guys like that during his time in the service, and did his best to avoid them now. Unfortunately, there was only one other Implementation Manager at WT, Peter, and he was too green to take on the Stark job. Like it or not, Bucky would have to be in the room with Stark later that day, and he’d most likely also have to suck up to the man. His stomach roiled and he skipped lunch, hiding out at his desk while he nibbled on a few crackers.

The day kept moving like a freight train, and, before long, it was time. The quiet, efficient atmosphere of WT was turned on its ear when Tony Stark walked in. Bucky watched from the safety of his desk as Stark was greeted by T’Challa. “Mr. Stark,” the always professional entrepreneur began as he shook Stark’s hand. “No no,” his guest interrupted, “if we’re gonna work together, you gotta call me Tony.” The man spoke his words in a rapid clip, as if he didn’t have time to breathe properly between syllables. “Very well, Tony: welcome to Wakanda Tech.” T’Challa gestured proudly around the office. “Small operation you got here, huh?” “We believe in a flat organization structure, to maximize efficiency.” “Great use of buzzwords there, pal,” Stark replied, placing his hand on T’Challa’s shoulder. Shuri chose that moment to stand from her desk and extend her own hand to Bucky. “Shall we go in?” “Do I have to?” Bucky whined petulantly. “Yes!” she scolded, looking much older than her 22 years. “Get off your ass and come with me.” Bucky straightened up and grabbed his tablet, standing to follow the younger woman. They headed to the conference room and made it inside just before Stark and his entourage entered. “This must be Shuri!” Stark exclaimed, greeting the lady on question with a hug. Shuri halfheartedly returned the gesture before pulling away with a smile. “It is good to meet you, Mr. Stark.” “I already had this conversation with your brother. Call me Tony.” Shuri smiled politely in response and then turned to Bucky. “This is James Barnes. He is the Implementation Manager that will be working on your account.” “Jamie!” Tony said, patting the other man on the shoulder. “Tony,” Bucky returned with a bemused smirk. “Finally someone who gets it,” Tony said with a smile. He turned to the people surrounding him. “Allow me to introduce Pepper Potts, my right hand and the only reason I have any success in this world.” A tall, willowy redhead nodded her head toward Bucky and Shuri. “And this is Rhodey, my other right hand and best friend in the world.” The man in question smiled tensely at the group. “And finally, this is-” “Steve,” Bucky said in awe, looking up at the last member of Stark’s party. “Steve Rogers, from my legal team,” Tony filled in, a little deflated. “I’m sorry,” he said, pointing between them, “do you two know each other?”

“Bucky and I go way back,” Steve said, his smile still as devastating as ever. He flashed his blue eyes at Bucky, and the other man felt himself get weak in the knees. “Bucky?” Tony asked with a smirk. Bucky grimaced. “My full name is James Buchanan Barnes… but my friends call me Bucky.” “Splendid!” Tony said. “You didn’t tell me you knew someone who worked here, Rogers.” “I didn’t know I had a connection,” Steve replied warmly, still looking at Bucky. “It’s been a while since we talked.” Bucky gave Steve a shy smile. “A lot has happened since we last saw each other.” They stood like that, staring awkwardly at one another while butterflies danced in Bucky’s stomach. Finally, T’Challa intervened. “Shall we get started?” he asked as he gestured toward the table. Bucky wasn’t sure how he made it through that meeting in one piece, but, in spite of the awkwardness he felt, the meeting was a success. Stark seemed keener to sign the contract knowing there was a personal relationship between a member of his staff and someone at WT. As soon as the meeting adjourned Steve pulled Bucky aside.  

“You look good, Buck.” “Thanks,” Bucky said, refusing to meet the other man’s eyes. Steve had changed so much since he’d last seen him, He was at least a good foot taller, with much broader shoulders. Bucky had to actively try not to drool. “You do too, but… I thought you were smaller.” Steve chuckled and scratched the back of his neck. “I had a growth spurt right after I moved away.” “You look… really good,” Bucky said. He took in Steve’s chest and thick arms that filled out his jacket just right. His mind wandered to the last time those arms had been wrapped around him in a hug, when Steve was thinner and shorter. He couldn’t help but wonder how it would feel now to have them wrap around his body; to get lost in that strong embrace. “Bucky?” Steve asked, meeting the other man’s eye. “Huh? Yeah?” Bucky came back to himself with a jolt, cursing his train of thought. “You wanna get a drink later? Catch up?” “Yeah,” Bucky replied as a brilliant smile bloomed across Steve’s face. “Yeah, I’d like that.” Steve gave Bucky his card, adding his personal cell number and making Bucky promise to call him. Then he had to go, and Bucky was left standing there, feeling dumbstruck. He heaved a sigh the moment the room was clear. He was so, so screwed. ~/~ “What the hell was that?” Shuri asked the moment he got back to desk. “What are you talking about?” “Um… how about the way you eye-fucked Stark’s lawyer the entire time? Although it seems to have worked in our favor. We should pimp you out more.”

“I did not ‘eye-fuck’ anyone,” Bucky protested. “Steve’s just an old friend.” “Right… ‘friend.’ You know, it’s 2019. You don’t have to use euphemisms anymore.” “I’m not covering anything! I’ve never tried to hide my sexuality. But Steve was never like that. We grew up together.” “From the way you were looking at him, it seems like homeboy ‘glowed up.’ You gonna go for it?” “Nah. Steve’s not into guys. He’s a heterosexual, all-American boy,” Bucky replied, unable to hide the tinge of sadness in his voice. “You might want to reconsider that opinion,” Shuri replied. “What makes you say that?” “Because he spent the entire meeting looking at you the same way you were looking at him.”

This new information distracted Bucky for the rest of the day, and he had trouble focusing on even the most basic of tasks. Finally, at 4:55, he decided he couldn’t do anything else, and began to pack up. As he flipped through his portfolio, the business card Steve had pressed into his hand fluttered to the ground. Before he could retrieve it, Shuri scooped it up.

“Steve Rogers gave you his card, did he? And he wrote his personal number on there?”

“Yeah… he mentioned going to get a drink.”

“So call him!”

“Yeah… I will. Just… I need some time. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Steve. A lot’s changed. I’m not the same kid I was in high school.”

Shuri’s gaze softened and she placed a gentle hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “I think the issue is actually that you’re a lot more like that kid than you realized, and seeing an old friend brought it all back.”

Bucky huffed a sigh and gave her a wry smile. “As usual, you prove how much smarter you are than me.”

“You heading out. Bucky?” Peter asked, poking his head over the cube wall once more.

“Yeah Pete. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Actually, would you be free to head over to Nick’s with me? I wanted to ask your advice about something.” His gaze shifted to Shuri and he gave a scowl “ Away from interfering parties.”

Bucky laughed. “Alright Pete, yeah. Let’s do it.”

~/~

Steve Rogers was an adult. He’d graduated early from Harvard Law and landed a lucrative position at Stark Inc. before he’d turned 25. So influential was he in that role that he’s ended up becoming one of the principal members of the legal team at the company 18 months later. Steve was on lists like “30 under 30” and he didn’t like to brag, but he was considered in some circles to be a ‘big deal’. So why did he currently feel like a nervous teenager waiting by the phone?

He’d tried to play it off, but seeing Bucky earlier that day had thrown him. Bucky had been his best friend for the majority of his young life. He brought school work when Steve was sick and sat by his bed, helping to keep him entertained. As they got older, he’d helped protect Steve when he got into fights he couldn’t finish. He’d been there in good and bad times. Losing Bucky in his life was a blow Steve had never really recovered from.

After the meeting, he’d wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of the day catching up with his friend, but there was too much to do. He cursed himself for not getting a commitment to meet the other man somewhere later on. Leaving the planning up to Bucky filled him with anxiety. Steve did not like to wait. He was not a waiter. He was a doer.

At five-o'clock his phone finally rang, the caller an unknown number. He felt his heart pounding in his chest as he pressed the ‘accept’ button.

“Bucky?”

The voice on the other end of the line gave a dry laugh. It was definitely female, so not Bucky. “No, this is Shuri.”

It took a moment for his brain to catch up with the name. “Oh, yes, from WT, right?” It was a bit strange that she was calling his personal line, but he wasn’t going to be rude. “How can I help you?”

“This isn’t business related, Mr. Rogers.”

“Please, call me Steve.”

“Yes, Steve,” she replied. “I thought you might want to know where Bucky Barnes is heading for an after work drink.”

“Oh, well if he wants me to join him, I’m sure he’ll call me and give me the place.” He pulled his phone away from his head to look at the screen, silently hoping there would be another incoming call.

“No, Steve, I don’t believe he will. I have worked with Sergeant Barnes for two years, and I know when he is vacillating. This is one of those times. He needs a nudge in the right direction.”

“I don’t know if that’s really-”

“Trust me Mr. Rogers, he would not call you of his own accord.”

This felt wrong to Steve, a violation of his old friend’s privacy. “I mean, if he doesn’t want to call me, he doesn’t have to. I’m not going to force him if he doesn’t want to.”

“No, he wants to. Of that I am sure.”

“What’s your aim here?” Steve asked, his tone changing as his suspicion rose. He didn’t want to insult the young woman, but he was starting to wonder why she was so invested in telling him where Bucky was going to be.

“I don’t mean any harm. I only wish to see my friend Bucky happy, and I know he’ll talk himself out of calling you if left to his own devices.”

Steve sighed as he took in her words. He wanted to believe that Bucky was more confident than that, but the last time he’d been in contact with his friend, he’d had the same impression. “Tell me.”

She gave him the name and address of the bar where Bucky was heading.

“Are you sure he’s gonna be there? Maybe he’s just going home?”

“He’ll be there. Our coworker Peter is going with him to make sure.”

“Is everyone at WT in on this?”

He could practically hear her smile on the other end of the line. “Just get there, Mr. Rogers. As soon as you can.”

~/~

Seeing Steve earlier in the day brought back a flood of memories for Bucky. Steve had been his best friend for his entire childhood, all the way through to the summer before their junior year of high school. He and Steve did everything together. They grew up alongside one another and had been closer in many ways than Bucky was to his own flesh-and-blood sibling.

But Steve was more than just a brother. He’d been Bucky’s first love. At the same time that he was just starting to realize his sexuality, he simultaneously realized that he was head-over-heels for Steven Grant Rogers.

When they were younger, Steve had been overlooked by nearly everyone. He was the smallest kid in class and had a slew of health problems that were the likely culprit for his stunted growth. Most prominent was his asthma, followed closely by a spinal curvature that led to him wearing a back brace for a few years. He had poor eyesight with color blindedness, which he wore thick glasses to help correct. And he had a weak immune system that caused him to get sick, and therefore miss school, all the time.

None of the other kids wanted to play with Steve. They were irritated with his inability to keep up when they ran. Or how he would break into a coughing fit in the middle of a dare, freaking everyone out with the fear that one of their cohorts might actually die from one of their stupid stunts.

Bucky was the opposite of Steve. Rambunctious and outgoing, he’d been friends with nearly everyone. He always had kids asking him to play. But Bucky only ever wanted to hang out with Steve.

He couldn’t remember the exact moment he’d first felt drawn to Steve. Bucky had known the other boy since the first grade, but they weren’t in the same class until the third grade. Because they lived in the same building, Bucky would often bring homework for Steve to do when he was out sick. At first, Steve’s mom had just expected Bucky to leave the work and run off, as other children must have done, but Bucky was precocious little fuck.

“How’s Stevie doin’ Mrs. Rogers?”

“Oh,” she’d replied, genuinely surprised at his question. “He’s getting better. He’s in his room, but he’s up and reading.”

“Can I go say hi to him?”

“Sure. Let me just poke my head in and let him know you’re here.”

Steve had seemed just as surprised at Bucky’s appearance as his mother, but welcomed the company.

“Whatcha readin’?” Bucky asked, pointing to the comic book in Steve’s lap.

“Oh, um… X-Men.”

“Killer! I like X-Men too! Who’s your favorite? I like Wolverine.”

Steve smiled at Bucky then, a real, genuine smile, and launched into a diatribe about how his favorite was Professor Xavier because even though he was in a wheelchair, he was one of the most powerful of the X-Men, but he still used his power for good, taking in young mutants and helping to guide them.

From that day forward, Steve and Bucky spent almost every afternoon together, talking about comics, movies (they once had a very heated debate about which trilogy had the superior Harrison Ford performance: Star Wars or Indiana Jones), and, when they were older, girls.

One afternoon, when they were 12 and sitting in Steve’s room, the blond turned to his friend and very innocently asked “You ever kissed a girl, Buck?”

“Yep,” Bucky replied nonchalantly, only half listening while he flipped through a comic book.

“What?! No way! When did this happen? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Bucky looked up at his friend and cringed. “It’s not my proudest moment.”

“When was it?”

“At Sharon Carter’s last birthday party. She wanted to play ‘spin-the-bottle.’”

Steve got a dreamy look at the mention of Sharon’s name. It was hardly a secret that he had a thing for the girl. She was kind to Steve, but had no inclination toward him. Steve had actually been invited to that party, but hadn’t been able to go because he was recovering from a wicked bout of bronchitis.

He looked back to Bucky with a goofy smile. “Who’d you kiss?”

Bucky’s face went red at that.

“Who was it?”

Bucky bit his lip for a moment, deliberating what to say, before finally deciding on the truth. He never usually kept secrets from Steve, and this one had been eating him alive. “I kissed Sharon.” He watched in horror as his friend’s face fell. “I’m sorry man!” Bucky continued. “I know you like her, and I didn’t want to, but the bottle landed on me when she spun it, and it was her birthday party, and I didn’t want to reject her in front of everyone.” He huffed a breath as he paused.

Steve, being Steve, gave him a gentle smile. “It’s okay, I get it.” His smile broadened into a grin. “How was it?”

“Kind of embarrassing,” Bucky admitted with a groan. “We went into a closet, and I was so nervous that I just barely gave her a peck. I couldn’t touch her because my hands were so sweaty. I didn’t want to gross her out.”

“Well maybe there’s hope for me yet.”

“As long as you can kiss better than I did.”

“Doubtful,” Steve snorted. “At least you’ve kissed someone once. I’ve never kissed anyone.”

Bucky got a wild idea then, and didn’t have the good sense to censor himself before blurting it out. “Wanna practice on me?”

“What?” Steve’s face was a mixture of shock and confusion.

“I mean, we’re buds, right? Let’s just practice with each other. Make us more ready when the next time comes.”

“Um… okay.”

Although his first kiss was technically with Sharon, Bucky always considered his kiss with Steve to be his first true kiss. It ignited feelings in him that he didn’t quite understand. He had a hard time looking at Steve the same, once he knew how soft the other boy’s lips were.

Steve eventually did get to kiss Sharon. Despite her initial reluctance, she decided to give Steve a chance and they even went steady for a few weeks in the eighth grade. But beyond that, Steve never had much luck with girls.

He remained smaller than all the other guys in their class, and ended up being the target of more than a few bullies. But Steve was scrappy. Although he was small, he could take a hit, and refused to run or stand down when confronted. Bucky always teetered on the fine line between when to let Steve stand up for himself and when to intervene to make sure Steve didn’t get seriously injured.

Bucky continued to hang out with Steve, even as he was taunted for it by the more popular kids in high school. He didn’t really care what anyone else said. Steve was his best friend.

One night during freshman year, when they were talking on the phone, Steve was whining to Bucky about how he would never have a shot with another girl in his life.

“You’re great, Stevie,” Bucky’d said, more than a little annoyed with the situation. “The right girl will come along eventually. She’ll see all the good in you and not worry about the other stuff.”

“I wish I could find a girl just like you, Bucky.”

That caused a lump to stick in Bucky’s throat. He’d decided to never tell Steve how he felt, knowing that Steve didn’t reciprocate his feelings. Bucky was terrified of destroying their friendship. He swallowed thickly before replying. “You do?”

“Yeah. You’re my best friend, Buck, and you always see the best in me. I’m so glad I have you.”

“I’m glad to have you too,” Bucky choked out in response. He’d almost decided to confess his feelings then, but Steve sighed and changed the subject before he had a chance.

“What about you, huh? I heard Lori’s got a thing for ya’.”

“Well, um… I think I might be gay,” Bucky replied, in lieu of confessing. He had been deliberating for some time on how to share this with Steve. He knew Steve, and knew his friend would never reject him, but, nevertheless, he braced himself for a bad response.

“Oh yeah?” Steve simply replied, and Bucky was immensely relieved to hear the smile in his friend’s voice.

“Yeah,” he sighed in relief.

“Okay man, cool. You got your eye on anyone, or just been thinking this for a bit?”

“Just been thinkin’ it,” Bucky admitted, not quite ready to tell Steve that he only had eyes for his best friend.

That had been the extent of Bucky’s coming out for another year, before he finally confessed to his parents and friends. He ended up going on a couple dates, had a few kisses, but never dated anyone seriously until after Steve moved.

The summer before their junior year, just after Steve turned sixteen, a bomb dropped in his world. His father, who had left his mother heartbroken when he was just a baby, suddenly died. Steve was shocked to learn that his dad had left him a house and a sizable amount of money. The house was in Indiana, and he was contacted by the grandfather he never knew he had to come out for a visit.

That summer ended up being a turning point for Steve. He got into a medical trial that ended up helping him overcome several of his physical ailments. Sarah went out several times to visit her son, and ended up really liking the area. When the summer ended, Steve’s grandpa asked if they would consider moving there. The house was nice, and Sarah would be able to make more money as a nurse if she wasn’t paying rent. And Steve wanted to get to know his family. His only concern was leaving Bucky.

“Come on, man,” Bucky’d assured him. “We got lots of ways to stay in touch. You ain’t getting rid of me.”

So Steve had gone, and although he never said anything, Bucky’s heart broke that day.

At first, they’d stayed in touch much the same way they had during the summer, through email, phone calls, and instant messaging, but, as the school year progressed, they began to drift apart. Steve had new friends. Since he wasn’t sick all the time and missing out on everything, he had an easier time meeting people. It was a fresh start for Steve, and Bucky didn’t want to keep his friend from his new social circle.

So, instead, Bucky dealt with his heartbreak in self-destructive ways: drinking heavily, experimenting with drugs, and losing his virginity to a random encounter at a party. He had lots of sex during his last two years of high school, with boys and girls. The further Bucky fell down the rabbit hole, the less he would talk to Steve. In the end, he screwed his grades up so bad that he barely graduated and didn’t have any college offers or scholarships to speak of. Directionless, he’d opted to enlist in the Army.

Enlistment had been the final thing to sever his connection to Steve. They had separate lives, and Bucky just assumed there was no chance he’d ever run into the other man again.

~/~

Bucky sat in the bar, trying not to lose his shit on Peter. He really did like the younger man, but he could be a bit over eager at times, like a puppy. Today seemed to be one of those days.

Peter got up to head to the bathroom, and Bucky decided to approach the bartender and order something harder than the beer he’d been nursing. As he stood there, waiting for his drink, he heard a surly voice speak from behind him.

“Barnes.”

“Jones,” he replied, turning to face the newcomer. Bucky liked Jessica Jones, even if she was an acquired taste. She was a PI that he’d met in this very bar, when she’d caught him on a date with a cheating husband. Jessica didn’t want to blow her cover, but after she had the pictures, she pulled Bucky aside and clued him in. Bucky had no idea his date was married, and thanked God that he hadn’t slept with the man.

“What are you doing here?” Jessica asked, the hint of a smile playing across her face. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Yeah, I haven’t been going out much. It’s cheaper to drink at home and don’t have to wear pants.”

“Can’t argue with that logic.”

Bucky considered her for a moment. Her dark hair hung down past her shoulders, and she was dressed in her usual armor of a t-shirt, jeans, boots, and a leather jacket. But something was different. It could have been a trick of the light, but she seemed to have taken a little more care with her makeup. Her brown eyes looked bigger than usual thanks to her artful eyeliner. And she wore a dark lipstick that set off her creamy skin beautifully.  “Something’s changed about you, Jones. What’s going on?”

She schooled her features and gave him a stern look before breaking out into a full-on grin. Bucky couldn’t stop his small gasp when she smiled. She was truly beautiful, but her usually sour disposition tended to put people off.

“Okay, who are you and what have you done with my friend Jessica?”

“Shut up,” she replied, shoving his shoulder. “I’m on a date.” She nodded her head to the table behind her, where a gorgeous man with tan skin, jet black hair, and a neatly trimmed beard sat, watching them with interest.

“Damn girl,” Bucky replied, looping her arm with his own. “Does he swing both ways? Cause if so, send him my way when you’re done with him.”

“Oh fuck off, Barnes,” she laughed, freeing her arm.

Bucky relaxed for the first time all day, forgetting his nerves about Steve in his excitement for his friend. “You look good, Jess. Happy.”

“Thanks.” She glanced at something just over Bucky’s shoulder. “Well, I just wanted to come say hi since I haven’t seen you in a while. I’m gonna go back to my date and let you get back to yours.”

“Oh, no, I’m not on a date, just here with Pete from work.”

“Yeah?” She leaned in close and whispered as quietly as she could in the din of the bar. “Then who’s the blond beefcake two stools down who keeps staring at you?”

Bucky turned his head suddenly to see Steve sitting there, wearing a smirk and looking positively delicious. He’d removed his jacket and unbuttoned the top three buttons of his shirt, exposing the hollow of his throat. Bucky bit back the sudden urge to trace the other man’s adam’s apple with his tongue. “Oh my God… that’s Steve. I didn’t call him. How’d he know I was here?”

“That’s Steve?” Jessica asked, and Bucky automatically hissed at her to keep her voice down. He had shared the story with her one night over drinks, and she knew all about the torch he carried. “Well, Mazel Tov and all that,” she said with a wink. “Let’s get coffee sometime and you can tell me how good he fucks. And um…” she leaned to the left slightly, presumedly to check Steve out, “maybe we could arrange a trade.”

“Fuck you Jones.”

Jessica had already turned away when she called over her shoulder “We tried that, remember?”

Despite his annoyance, Bucky managed one last smile while he flipped her the bird, before gathering his courage to turn around and face Steve.

~/~

Steve watched Bucky with interest as he turned away from the stunning brunette he’d been talking to. He couldn’t help but feel a little jealous of the ease between them. It was obvious they weren’t lovers, but they were friends, and Steve missed having Bucky as his friend.

Bucky downed the shot he’d ordered and left the glass on the bar as he sauntered over to Steve. That was really the only way Steve could describe his walk. He didn’t seem as confident as the Bucky Barnes of their childhood, but he sure as hell knew how to fake it.

“Either you’re stalking me or Peter slipped something in my beer and I blacked out, because I don’t remember calling you.” Steve felt his cheeks warm as Bucky spoke. He took a minute to process the words, realizing they were harsher than the tone Bucky used to convey them.

“Um, right… well, Shuri called me and let me know you’d be here, so I thought I’d stop by after work and see if you’d be up for that drink.” He hadn’t looked Bucky in the eyes yet. “I can go, if it’s making you uncomfortable.” He moved to grab his wallet and pay for his beer.

“No, Steve, wait,” Bucky said, with a chuckle. “I was fuckin’ with you. Don’t go. I’m glad you’re here.”

“Yeah?” Steve’s lips spread wide in a grin and he finally looked up to meet Bucky’s gaze. What he saw there was heart-stopping. Bucky always had the most beautiful eyes, their color a cool gray-blue that changed from icy to steel depending on his mood. Right now they were brilliant, even in the dim light of the bar. And they were complimented by an amazing smile.

“Yeah,” Bucky replied, not breaking eye contact.

They stood there for a few seconds, just drinking one another in, before the spell was broken by the approach of Bucky’s coworker.

“Hey Buck-” Peter began.

“Shit! Pete! I’m sorry man,” Bucky replied before Peter could finish his sentence. “I abandoned you. I just ran into a couple people, and-”

“Yeah, man, no problem,” Peter replied. “I was actually gonna say I gotta split. My buddy Ned called and he needs me to come over.” Bucky raised his eyebrows at that, but before he could say anything, Peter sputtered on. “I mean… not ‘needs me’ like that, needs me. Ned’s just a friend. I mean… not that I have any problem with dudes, but Ned’s got a girlfriend and I’m kind of into this girl we went to high school together, and-”

Bucky interrupted the younger man’s diatribe. “Pete, it’s okay. You didn’t say anything to offend me.”

“Phew, that’s a relief,” Peter said, literally wiping his hand across his brow as he said the word ‘phew.’ Steve’s nerdy heart went out to the younger man. He could definitely remember being just as awkward in his own youth.

Peter swiftly made his exit, and Bucky ordered a fresh beer, abandoning the one he’d had at the table he was sitting at with Peter. He settled onto the stool next to Steve.

“So, bigwig legal guy at Stark Inc. at 28, huh? How’d you manage that?

Steve blushed again and looked down at the bar top. “I met Tony in college, and he took over his Dad’s company just as I was finishing law school. He contacted me and asked me to interview for a job on their legal team. I wasn’t about to turn down an opportunity like that. After I got the job, Tony told me he needed to clean house and that he wanted someone with his ear to the ground in legal. I helped him catch some bad actors, and when their positions were vacated, Tony asked if I wanted to take one.”

“Damn, that’s quite the story.”

“Yeah, it’s kind of unbelievable, right? Little guy from Brooklyn like me ending up here.”

“Yeah…” Bucky trailed off as he took a swig of his beer. “I always believed that little guy would go places.”

“That means a lot coming from you, Buck.” Steve looked over at the other man, his eyes soft.

“I never stopped believing in you, Stevie,” he replied, his voice soft.

“So…” Steve said after a pause. “What about you? How’d you’d end up at WT?”

“I met Okoye, the head of their HR, at a VA job fair.”

“Yeah? I remembered you enlisted after graduation. How long did you serve?”

“Six years, three tours. I was planning to retire, but I got injured on my last tour and was medically discharged.”

“Shit… What happened?”

“IED. Not a very big one, but enough to do some serious damage to my left arm. I was a sniper, and I couldn’t keep doing that job if I couldn’t hold the gun steady.”

“Oh damn… I’m sorry to hear that man.”

Bucky looked at Steve for a second, his eyes watering and his upper lip quivering. Steve felt his heart speed up at the thought of his friend’s pain. He started to stand up to give the other man a hug when Bucky’s face broke into a huge grin.

“You always were so gullible Stevie.”

“You jerk!” Steve replied with a laugh as he settled back on his stool.

Bucky pretended to look hurt. “What? Me? I’m not the one laughing at a wounded veteran, ya’ punk!”

“Yeah. yeah, asshole.” Steve tilted his beer to take a swig, his eyes never leaving Bucky’s. When he placed the bottle back down on the bartop, his smile faded a little, becoming wistful. “I’ve missed you, Buck. What happened to us?”

“I’m an asshole who doesn’t deserve nice things, that’s what,” Bucky said, suddenly looking anywhere but at Steve.

~/~

“What the hell does that mean?” Steve asked, and Bucky felt his heart constrict a little more. Sweet Stevie, always caring so much about everyone else.

“Look… it was a long time ago. Let’s forget I said anything. Tell me more about you.”

“No, Buck. I don’t want to forget it. What did you mean? If anything, I’m the asshole in the situation since I left.”

“No, Steve, no.” Bucky suddenly felt panicked at the thought that Steve would ever blame himself. Without thinking, he grabbed Steve’s hand in his own. “You could never be an asshole. You have always been the kindest, most selfless person I know. You going to Indiana was a good thing, wasn’t it? Without that, you might never have gotten healthy, and I doubt you could have afforded law school if you and your mom stayed in Brooklyn.”

“Then why? Why did we lose touch? We were always so close. Even when I had nothing, I had you.”

Bucky cringed. Even after all these years, it physically pained him to keep anything from Steve. “It was all my fault. I became a mess those last two years of high school. I was a drugged out loser. I barely graduated. You didn’t need someone like me dragging you down.”

Steve’s face softened and he squeezed Bucky’s hand with his own. “You would never have dragged me down. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to help you. It sounds like you were really hurting back then.”

“I was trying to find something.”

“What was that?”

Bucky looked up at Steve then, his eyes a bright cornflower blue, expressing his earnestness. “You,” Bucky replied, unable to tear his gaze away. “I was trying to find you.”

“You knew where I was, Bucky. If you needed me, I would have come back in a heartbeat.”

“I didn’t want to tear you away from your new life. You finally had everything you ever wanted. How selfish would it have been if I’d asked you to come back because I was working through a little bit of depression?”

“But, other than my ma, no one has ever been more important to me that you. I would have done anything to help you.”

“Naw… you had a new life. I remember those pictures on Facebook. You had that cute little girlfriend. The blonde one, kinda looked like Sharon. What was her name?”

“Kate,” Steve said with a small grin. “I think the main reason I first talked to her was because she reminded me of Sharon.” Bucky made to pull his hand free, but Steve kept his grip strong. “But what did you mean when you said you were trying to find me?”

“I…” Bucky sighed deeply and looked at the floor. “I wanted to find someone to take your place in my life. So I wouldn’t feel so empty.”

“Did it work?”

“No. Every person I hooked up with just made me feel more alone, but I kept trying. I must have slept my way through half of the teenage population of Brooklyn, but no one could hold a candle to you.”

Steve suddenly got very still. “What do you mean, Bucky? We never hooked up.”

Shit , Bucky thought, there goes my big fuckin’ mouth gettin’ me in trouble again. He looked up to meet Steve’s eyes once more, his mouth gaping like a fish out of water..

“Bucky… did you… did you want to be with me?”

“I… uh…” fuckfuckfuck “Um… I mean…” He felt his face flushing crimson red. “Shit. I never meant to tell you that Stevie. I’m sorry. Fuck… Let me just.” He grabbed his wallet out of his pocket and threw down whatever cash he had on hand, praying it was enough to cover his drinks. He’d just humiliated himself in front of Steve. The last thing he needed was to also stick him with the bill.

Steve stared open-mouthed as Bucky turned and walked as fast as he could out of the bar, heading for the parking lot. He was unlocking his car door when he heard Steve calling out his name.

“I’m sorry Stevie. Please… let me go home and hide for a while. I can’t deal with this right now.” He realized he was babbling, but it was like a dam broke and he couldn’t stop. “We were just reconnecting and then I went and fucked it up. Damnit… I am so sorry Steve. Please can we just forget I said anything? It was a long time ago and-”

He was cut off abruptly when Steve surged forward and captured Bucky’s mouth with his own. Bucky was shocked momentarily before his reflexes kicked in and he kissed back, Steve’s lips just as soft as he remembered them. He moaned softly as Steve’s hand grazed up his neck and over his jawline. The kiss seemed to drag on forever, a heavenly meeting of plush lips and velvety tongues and light nips of teeth. Bucky felt himself swoon a little inside.

When they finally broke apart, their chests panting, Steve brought his other hand up to cup Bucky’s cheeks. “You still talk too fuckin’ much,” he growled, and Bucky laughed before leaning back in for another kiss.

“I didn’t think you liked guys,” Bucky said in awe when they separated once more.

“Bucky… I have been gone for you from the moment you kissed me when we were kids. I was just so afraid to tell you then and lose you as a friend.”

“You punk… we could have had so much more time together if you’d have just said something!” Bucky chuckled as he pulled Steve’s body closer to his own.

“If I’d have said something? You’re the chatterbox you jerk! You should have told me how you felt.”

“I didn’t want to lose your friendship either.”

“Shit… we gotta get better at communicating with each other if we’re gonna make things work this time around.”

“Why don’t we start practicing on Friday? Will you go out on a date with me, Stevie?”

“Yes,” Steve whispered before closing in on Bucky for another mind-blowing kiss.

~/~

The next morning, when Bucky walked into work, Shuri was standing in the middle of their shared workspace wearing a self-satisfied smirk. “Did you have a good night, Bucky?”

Bucky tried to look offended, he really did, but he’d spent the night having pleasant dreams of kissing Steve at an outside table of a restaurant by the waterside. He smiled at his coworker. “I did.” He shrugged off his backpack and sat at his computer.

“How is Steve?” She asked as she followed him. “Will you be seeing him again?”

“You really don’t do subtle, do you?”

“I don’t have time for such things. Do you have a date or not?”

“Yes,” he replied, unable to hide his grin.

Shuri squealed with delight and danced in place. “Bucky’s gonna get nasty!”

“Just don’t send him any dick pics,” Peter mumbled from the other side of the cube wall.

Bucky blushed in response and Shuri cackled. “It’s too late for that, Peter!” she called back. “Did he send you one back?”

“I’m not saying anything about that, Shuri.”

She chuckled and took her seat at her desk. “As a sign of your gratitude, I fully expect your first daughter to be named after me.”

“Well, I was planning to do that anyway,” Bucky said with a grin.

“Damn right you were.”

Bucky looked up at his monitor and began to peruse his email. A minute later a notification popped up on his phone with a text from Steve.

Can’t wait for tomorrow night.

Bucky was unable to hide his grin as he picked up his phone to send a response.

If you enjoyed this, I’d really love a like, reblog, or comment (or all three!). Thanks for reading!

[authorracheljoy]

A writer's Ask Game 1 2 3 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49

1.     Do you listen to music when you write?

Only when I’m typing up what I’ve written, honestly!

I can’t otherwise focus on the actual writing/editing if there’s music or other distracting noises so-

2.     Are you a pantser or plotter?

Plotter all the way!

I gotta have an outline, otherwise my story loses focus and that’s NOT GOOD!

3.     Computer or pen and paper?

Both, technically XD I use pen and paper for the drafting, and to get all my ideas down (and outline too of course), but then I typically use the computer for typing up what I’ve written :))

5.     How much writing do you get done on an average day?

Less than I’d like to recently :/ I honestly NEED to get a better writing/editing schedule, but my days are just so consumed by other things to take away my attention, and it sucks. Both as an excuse and just a way of getting by when I have a manuscript that needs rewrites! D:

6.     Single or multiple POV?

Single POV (at least for now? I’m really hoping to branch out with future WIPs)

7.     Standalone or series?

Depends on the story idea, really!

If there’s enough content to expand upon after book 1, I typically will plan for sequels. I mean.. The Hunters Saga started out as just a standalone with a thought-about sequel, which turned into a trilogy, which is NOW a freaking QUADRILOGY!

So yeah, it kinda depends XD

8.     Oldest WIP

As far as actual prose goes (no transcripts), my oldest WIP was called The Creatures of the Night Quartet, and… it’s TERRIBLE. Granted, I wrote it a few years before Antoinette Drake came to mind but STILL! It’s just horrible writing and the plot- what plot??

But if we’re talking WIPs that include transcript/script formats, I guess my oldest WIP would be SuperNova, which was a silly little sci-fi “story”! You can read about both of these prehistoric WIPs over on my Original Stories page!

9.     Current WIP

The Hunters Saga of course! ^^

10.  Do you set yourself deadlines?

Oh how I WISH I did that! >.>

11.  Books and/or authors who influenced you the most

There… weren’t any really? I kinda just went with it? I mean, my first books were really heavily influenced by Twilight and vampire books in general. The Hunters Saga was slightly influenced by Richelle Mead’s Vampire Academy series but that’s about all that comes to mind :3

12.  Describe your perfect writing space

All I need is a notebook, a pen, and a laptop!

The rest doesn’t really matter at all to me~

13.  Describe your writing process from idea to polished

Well, usually my ideas come from dreams, or just scenes that come out of my head :) Then I first try to see if that certain idea/scene fits into any of my current WIPs and could be potentially included! If yes, then I do so! But if not… I typically try and write more around it :) After having an expanded idea and character list, I either develop the characters or make an outline for the story idea. Either works fine ^^ After the characters are developed enough and the outline is made, I get to writing! And after that? I edit it of course XD

14.  How do you deal with self-doubts?

I try to remind my self how I became so incredibly lucky to land a publishing deal. I mean, sure, it’s not what I had planned and I have occasional doubt about my writing in general, and how people generally see and criticize my style and characters… I just gotta remind myself that I can’t please everyone. And if I have to have a goal in writing, it’s to tell a story the way I see it. Criticism is such a touchy subject, and some writers just flat out ignore that. And sometimes, that’s smart. But - and I’m getting seriously off-topic here but WELP - more often than not, that criticism turns out to be justified! I know my writing can be weak and uninteresting. But do I let that force me away from my passion? Not at all!

If you love writing and want to become a published author, you can’t do it half-assed! You have to want it wholeheartedly. You have to TRY to improve. You have to take criticism for what it is and what it might be-

OK I’m so off-topic, this is raising too much anxiety oops.. I’ll just leave it there though.. because it’s how I feel!

15.  How do you deal with writer’s block?

I do something else - listen to music, draw, watch a movie, play a game- something other than writing (which is blocked, DUH) But yeah! I tend to step away from the manuscript for a bit and clear my head until ideas come rushing back :) And if I’m working through an outline, there’s a possibility of just. working on a different scene in a different chapter other than the one I’m stuck on at the moment ;3

16.  How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied with a project?

Usually 3 or 4, depending on how long and how detailed the drafts are :D

And if I’m REALLY lucky, I can do it in 2 but that’s actually VERY RARE for me so >.>

17.  What writing habits or rituals do you have?

I have none!

I used to try (and fail) to write a page a day I guess XD

Now I just pray that I’ll be done with my current manuscript by the end of the year :X Urrggghhh

18.  If you could collaborate with anyone, who would it be, and what would you write about?

My writing friend @mercurialsmile! We’ve attempted to write a crossover before but it never really went anywhere- mainly ‘cause of my focus on editing and both of our crazy work/school schedules :X Maybe that’ll change soon, though? I dunno but I hope they’d be willing to try again

19.  How do you keep yourself motivated?

20.  How many WIPs and story ideas do you have?

A LOT! 

I may talk about my current WIP (The Hunters Saga) 24/7 on here, but I DO have other projects that have at least some ideas and characters :) 

You can find them all HERE!

21.  Who is/are your favorite character(s) to write?

Writing Toni is pretty much writing myself, so that’s always a fun time XD

I also like writing Gavin, Kira, Hannah and Ethan, among others ^^

22.  Who is/are your favorite pairing(s) to write?

Toni and Henri aaaand Micah and Darius (which is coming soon to the series! Darius gotta be introduced first, guys!!)

23.  Favorite author

I really enjoy Stephen King now that I’ve started reading his works~ Also, honorable mention to Kim Harrison for being amazing at writing about paranormal species cohabiting the earth together

24.  Favorite genre to write and read

I love love LOVE writing romance and mysteries~

Aaand I pretty much like reading the things that I write so XD

25.  Favorite part of writing

Getting the ideas down on paper for the first time and feeling that RELIEF!

26.  Favorite writing program

Uhhhh… Microsoft Word??

27.  Favorite line/scene

The Frying Pan Incident

28.  Favorite side character

Dominic and Adam Hastings

29.  Favorite villain

Oooh I can’t say their name but mmmmm they are BAD and I love it!!

30.  Favorite idea you haven’t started on yet

A science-obsessed nerd and the head cheerleader fall for each other

Lesbians for the win!!

(basically the plot for Queen Bae, one of my WIPs!)

31.  Least favorite part of writing

The EDITING!

The REWRITES!!

32.  Most difficult character to write

Mmmmm probably Liz? 

33.  Have you ever killed a main character?

Yes (not gonna elaborate ‘cause it might count as a spoiler XD)

34.  What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?

I won’t be too specific but.. it was a NSFW scene ;;;

35.  What scene/story are you least looking forward to writing?

Uhhhmmm I don’t have one that I’m least looking forward to ^^

If I have a story, I write it. End of story.

Even if it might be crappy, I still love the idea.

I would never force myself to write something that I didn’t think deserved being written (if that makes sense??)

36.  Last sentence you wrote

Other than a bit of knowledge beforehand, we know about the same for once. 

Odd. 

Unsettling.

37.  First sentence or your current WIP

“I’m so sorry for your loss, my dear,” the man in black murmured to me, but I barely acknowledged his presence.

38.  Weirdest story idea you’ve ever had

B-but.. ALL of my story ideas are WEIRD! 

How could I possibly choose?!

39.  Weirdest character concept you’ve ever had

Aliens that puff up/inflate their bodies when angered XD

40.  Share some backstory for one of your characters

Dru was born as an only child, which is a true rarity in the lives of lycanthropes. Perhaps it was a sign that they were meant for something truly remarkable?

41.  Any advice for new/beginning/young writers?

It’s sort of what I said when I was asked about doubts?

You can’t please everyone, so don’t try to. 

Don’t pander. Don’t always give the readers what they want.

Satisfy yourself.

Take criticism; don’t try to ignore all of it. Who knows, some things might actually end up helping you become a better writer ;3

42.  How do you feel about love triangles?

I was WAY too attached to them back in the day so! 

If I have hints at a possible love triangle, I try to make it so the center of the triangle can have a clear choice as to who they’ll eventually get with (if anyone at all)! The only case I have where the love triangle kinda become a polyamorous relationship was with Nerissa, Melissa and Sergio :) Both girls had crushes on Sergio, and when he had to face those facts, he decided to help Nerissa and Melissa become friends and later- LOVERS! But anyway yeah, love triangles are hard for me to steer clear of, but I try my best ^^’

43.  What do you do if/when characters don’t follow the outline?

I get really angry at them and throw rocks.

But no. I either try to get them back on track OR I just.. let them do their thing. Maybe the characters know the plot better than I do! XD

44.  How much research do you do?

I don’t normally dive too deep into research unless the plot demands it, of course! As for the time and depth of research, it solely depends on what exactly I’m researching actually :) If I’m simply looking up Latin phrases or the names of the most famous authors of all time, it might take me a few days to absorb the info, and a week at most! But if I’m worldbuilding and creating new places and all that, well, THAT would take me a lot longer than a few days to a week! More like a month D:

45.  How much world building do you do?

Not many of my stories have worlds not set in America/Europe/EARTH! Basically, I think I only have 1 or 2 worlds that even require building, and I have so little as far as plot goes that I haven’t had the substance to work with yet :) But maybe someday!

46.  Do you reread your own stories?

Mmmm I used to? 

Nowadays I just don’t have the time for that :/

47.  Best way to procrastinate

Drawing art of my ocs instead of writing for my ocs XD

That, or making music playlists for my WIPs :3c

48.  What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written?

Toni Drake.

‘Nuff said!

As for a self-insert scene? I don’t think that’s occurred yet? 

49.  Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?

Either Ethan, Clary or Hannah! ^^ They’re all such nice, friendly people~

Oh, and Kira of course! Can’t forget her XD I’d love to go shopping with her and enjoy our silly, light-hearted conversations

Thanks for the ask, Friendo ^^

A Writer’s Ask Game

[sssoto]

Creator’s update #2

Hey guys! I’m back with another update to keep y’all posted on what I’ve been up to (= I’m getting this up a week later than I wanted to, but hey, what can ya do. It’s still very much up to date, I just didn’t have the time to get this typed up last week, buuuut making up for that now!

Mood: Juuuuuust chillin’~

Music I’ve been digging recently:

This is basically just gonna be a looooong list of Selena Gomez, because dammit I’m into her music right now. The girl is gorgeous and I’ve always liked her music, but I used to be more into her old stuff, and now I’m just living for all the songs I didn’t listen to as much from the time she released her Stars Dance album and onwards. These are just a select few of the songs I’ve been listening to on repeat for the past week or so lol.

Selena Gomez - Fetish (ft Gucci Mane)

Selena Gomez - The Heart Wants What It Wants

Selena Gomez - Do It

Selena Gomez - Me & the Rhythm

Selena Gomez - Me & My Girls

Selena Gomez - Nobody

Selena Gomez - Save the Day

Selena Gomez - Like a Champion

Writing

So I DID ACTUALLY DO SOME WRITING THESE PAST FEW WEEKS OMG.

I finished editing an entire scene I’d been struggling with for the looooongest time (and now I’m having trouble with the next scene, sigh you just can’t win). For that scene, I had to rearrange three different scenes and combine them into one in a way which made sense, and geez it wasn’t fun. The real struggle is finding out what to keep and what to cut, right? I dunno ‘bout you guys, but I’m very reluctant to cut anything until I’m sure I don’t wanna use any of the prose somewhere else.

The light came to me late one night (as it usually does) when this random line popped in my head as I was mulling over what to name my second chapter. Okay, backtrack, I title my chapters, and ever since I started revisions and essentially condensed the first four chapters down to three, I couldn’t figure out what to name the second chapter. The other two chapters could easily just take on the titles they had previously, but the structure and overall focal point of the second chapter had changed so much that I needed to rethink the title (at least if I wanted it to be a good title lol). So chapter 2 was untitled until just recently, when this line came to me and finally made me decide on a name: The Find. A find in this sense refers to an archaeological discovery (my main characters study and work in the archaeological field), and you might see how it plays into the chapter in my excerpt later this post. But yeah, this line came to me, and along with that came the realisation that I could move a whole paragraph from the scene I was revising in chapter 3 to chapter 2, since that paragraph was oriented in a pretty similar fashion to what I was going for with that new line. Does any of this make sense? My thought process is a little strange lmao.

Anyway, so knowing what I needed to do with chapter 2 gave me the push I needed to move on with that scene I struggled with in chapter 3, and I finally managed to restructure all the bits and pieces of those scenes I had to combine. It became much easier because I’d moved an entire paragraph that didn’t really fit in that scene anyway to a place where it was much better suited lol. Since the new dialogue was already written out, it was pretty straightforward to draft new narrative to go with it after I had reassembled the pieces (though I’m sure it’s all veeeeery rough cuz I’ve not given it a proper read through yet).

It all worked out in the end, and I’m so happy I made that progress wee! And I think I know what to do with the next scene, so it’s just about kicking my ass into gear lol (special thanks to @coffeeandcalligraphy who helped me brainstorm for this scene, ugh bless my friends). I already knew the next scene needed to be edited a lot, because basically the entire thing was just filler. The first half was a way too long narrative summary with a bunch of unnecessary detail which could be condensed significantly, and the next half was a scene also way too long for the purpose it served, and to make matters worse, it also introduced a bunch of pointless characters that never show up again, so the scene just feels kinda forced. I’ve done some trimming on the narrative summary, and I’ve cut out the scene that follows, so what I need to do next is add some details that pertain to the timeline and illness change (if you read my last post, you might recall me mentioning that I was doing these revisions in the first place because I aged my characters up and changed the illness of my MC’s sister), and then I’m gonna draft a new much shorter scene that’ll serve the same purpose the previous scene did, but without so much pointless, contrived detail, and without friggin’ introducing new characters that’ll never appear again, my god Soto what were you thinking.

But you know what, I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. I’ve made an important discovery during these edits, which I discussed with @shaelinwrites, who herself was recently stuck in revision hell with her manuscript I’m Fine, and we both agreed; it’s honestly much easier to draft new, better prose than trying to elevate very old less mature prose. As I’m revising these chapters, I sometimes get the feeling that my prose isn’t very complex or sophisticated, but then when I get to draft completely new lines or even paragraphs, I wonder how the new words seem so much better than the old ones. Then I look back at the date and remember that these chapters I’m revising were written in friggin’ 2014. It’s no wonder the prose ain’t that sophisticated lmao. It’s hard work improving something which at its core is less refined!

With that said, I think it’s time for some excerpts. I didn’t show any last time since I hadn’t been working much on my writing recently, but this time I have stuff to show!

Excerpt:

He seemed a hidden gem waiting to be uncovered, layered deep in the crusts of his own humility and class, a rare find with all the potential it entailed – academical and monetary.

This was the line I talked about which basically solved all my problems for me lol bless this line. And bless @shaelinwrites who convinced me to get rid of an unnecessary word, THANK YOU GIRL, I WAS DUMB, YOU WERE RIGHT, THE WEASEL WORD HAD TO GO.

Excerpt:

They arrived in Naples, grandest seaport of the Mediterranean, without incident. The capital of the Sicilies was a majestic sight when approached from the sea, rather alien with its numerous colourful structures raised on slanting green hillsides amongst sprouting palms, so very different from the grey, uniform London back across the English Channel.

Just some description; looking at pictures of Naples helped a lot for this lmao. I’m still not entirely happy with it, it needs a good clean up and stuff. Buuuuuut you know what, it���s progress, and that’s all that matters right now!

Chapters edited: 2/16

Current total word count: Around 123k (I’ll give a more precise number when I’ve gathered all my chapters in one document)

Current total chapter count: 16

Look at the lovely progress on chapter 3 since last update <3

Art

So honestly I don’t have a lot of WIPs to show in the art department this time around, because a) I’ve mostly been finishing up the sketches I showed last time, and b) the new stuff I’ve started are secret projects I’d rather not reveal yet. So don’t blame it on inproductivity! d:

Like I said, I’ve finished some of the WIPs I talked about last time, and even better, I’ve posted them as well, so you can go and take a look at the final product: the Disney portraits, and my portraits of the Armstrong siblings.

And with that said, can we just marvel at this improvement?

Sometimes it can feel like you’re never getting anywhere, and that’s when it’s important to gaze back at your journey and see how far you’ve come. I’m certainly pretty happy with how my skills have developed in the past two years! I want to do more “draw it again” pieces in the future so I can track my own development n.n

The only thing I feel I can show a WIP of (that I’ve not already shown, anyway) is this character portrait I’m working on for Serena. Used my girl Selena Gomez as reference cuz she’s the best face claim for Serena I’ve come across <3 It’s actually this portrait’s fault that I got into this entire Selena Gomez groove, and oh how grateful I am for it because Selena Gomez slaaaaaays.

I’m not entirely sure I’m gonna keep the portrait like this for her official character portrait though, because I feel it’s a little risqué~ for a Victorian portrait LOL. I mean, slay that hair, Serena, you know ya sexy af, but gotta stay in character with your setting, yanno? Lmao I dunno, I need to rethink it a bit, but regardless I’m digging the sketch thus far!

I think the next thing I’m working on will be lining and colouring Owen’s portrait, and then I also have all these secret things in the works that I wanna make progress on so I can reveal them. Aside from this, I’ve been hard at work on setting up commissions, and I’ll soon make an announcement, so keep an eye out for that if you’re interested in getting a portrait done by me!

Youtube

It’s been a month since last update, and I upload new videos every Friday, which means I’ve got new videos to announce to y’all! So if any of you like kpop, vocal covers, or speedpaints, here’s where you should look :D

I’ve actually gotten pretty good at this Youtube thing (thanks to the scheduling feature, it saves lives), so my uploads are fairly consistent. I upload every Friday; every other week it’s a vocal cover (usually kpop, but not exclusively), and the other week it’s a speedpaint, so *hint hint* you should subscribe if you haven’t already *hint hint*. I’ll soon run out of covers to upload though, so I should record some more... Ahem.

Anyway, here’s the most recent one I uploaded. The song is a bit obscure if you’re not a dedicated 4minute fan, but it’s one of my favourites!

And my second cover can’t be embedded due to copyright, but I’ll leave a link for it here so you can check it out! It’s for the song So Good by Kara. The acapella for this one was super fun to record what with all the harmonies and background vocals and stuff.

And of course, I uploaded a few speedpaints as well! There are actually four up on my channel now because one of the speedpaints was split into two parts to prevent a 45 min video lol. So if any of you are interested in seeing my process, check them out! The first one was a birthday gift I made for the amazing @juliajm15 back in March <3

And the second, split into two parts (lineart and colour), is one I find particularly interesting since it’s more elaborate. I really do like how the colouring came out for this piece!

So yaaassss, remember to subscribe if you’re into this sort of stuff!

Bonus: Fanart feature!

So you guys, I have some really amazing friends who make some really amazing fanart for me, and I must share.

Where to even begin? I seriously get all teary-eyed when someone takes the time to make something because they enjoyed my story and characters so much *cries*. If you’ve been following me for a while, you’ve probably seen me gush about all the amazing artwork @juliajm15 has done for me over the past couple years, but I wanna shine some light on two of my other good friends and loyal supporters who made some incredible and thoughtful tributes to my little labour of love!

First up are some amazing edits as well as a drawing done by Rachel over at @coffeeandcalligraphy.

This pretty thing is a fan book cover Rachel made for my first book, Memoirs! I love the aesthetic of the title so much, and there’s some actual symbolism in there with how she chose to colour coordinate the elements; green for Daniel, red for Serena. Just knowing how much thought and care she put into it makes my sentimental little heart swell <3

These two edits are just GORGEOUS. Once again done by Rachel, she made this for my birthday last year <3

For the first one, she used lyrics from Elton John’s Daniel because I’d mentioned that this song was the perfect message for Hazel to give Daniel, and the little doll reading the book is sooooo adorable because Daniel and Hazel have this thing with reading fairytales together *cries* and then it’s wearing a white nightgown too, which is basically what Hazel always wears since she’s confined to her bed!

For the edit beneath, she picked an actual quote said by Serena to Daniel, and the summer aesthetic with the greeneries and the flower in the background to symbolise the summers they spent together, bah it’s too much! The care and thought put into this makes me emotional all over again, and these edits are just so lovely!!

And last one: my darling, Daniel! Rachel actually made this for our friendship anniversary a short while ago, and I still feel bad that I didn’t think to make anything for her lmao. She used the ref I found for Daniel, and his face honestly is just so friggin’ adorable, and then she used a quote from Renaissance to go along with it! I seriously have the best and most thoughtful friends in the entire world, like wow.

Another one of my friends who’s been giving me a bunch of cute fanart lately is @sarahkelsiwrites! Just take a look at this adorable drawing she did of Hazel:

Hazel is a very beloved character, but she doesn’t get nearly as much love in terms of artwork as my other characters, so it’s always so nice when someone remembers her <3

And okay, but this one kills me:

I literally screamed when she sent me this. LOOK AT HIS TATS HAHAHAHAH. So for some context, basically @coffeeandcalligraphy has a weird fetish for angst, and we started talking about how our characters have different kinds of angst. I started calling her characters angsters, because they angst like it’s cool to angst, aka gangster, aka angster. Rachel then said that Daniel’s angst is elegant, which turned into a really lame pun, and the rest is history...

Long story short, don’t mess with E. Angst’s tea, yo. Much British, very angst.

And the last one and I DIE CUZ MY BBY LOOKS SO HANDSOME <3 <3 <3 So Sarah brooded that somehow, everytime she tries to draw a girl, it turns into Daniel, but yanno... Can’t complain.

LOOK AT THE SMOOTH LINEART THO. I couldn’t draw smooth lineart for the life of me until I’d had my graphic tablet for like two years. Ugh I love how Danny looks here, his expression is so perfect! Thank you so much @sarahkelsiwrites and @coffeeandcalligraphy for the amazing gifts, I feel so blessed to have such generous, thoughtful and talented friends! <3

So that was all for this time around; I hope you enjoyed seeing what I’ve been working on! I’ll be back soon to summarize my progress on all my projects again, so until next time, folks!

[spirituallystupid]

WIPs

Hey, everyone. I was tagged by @deep-contemplation to show something I’ve been writing and working on. I’m not really working on one thing (my mind sometimes gives me a story idea and I write down a scene from the story and then I’m like....I gotta think about this). This scene is from a story I haven’t named yet, so....it’s kinda out of there. 

“I just think that the replacement operation is the only way to change your daughter’s new, deviant actions,” Principal Gray said. 

Avery’s mother spoke up, “What about therapy? I think-”

Her father cut her off. “No, Carry. Replacement is the most recommended answer for this. Avery needs to stop this sort of behavior immediately.”

Carry Madison chewed on a bit of her bottom lip, thinking about the decision. The decision of cloning a new, better version of her daughter. 

Her mother’s nod of agreement sent Avery to curl up in her chair. Tears slipped down her cheeks as she fully realized the decision her mother had made. Soon, very soon, Avery would be cloned and her mind would be tinkered with at her parent’s wish. 

But worst of all, the thing that really got Avery to sob in that seat in the principal’s office, was that her parents didn’t love her in her own way. They didn’t love their daughter for being herself.

Yeah, that’s it. I have two other main characters and a fictional technology I’d like to introduce into the story, but this is a basic scene I like. I don’t have anyone to tag, sorry. Thanks for tagging me in this, @deep-contemplation! I really enjoyed putting it out there.