#I got a teensy bit philosophical there

[ceruleaneclipse]

OPINION ON FORD BEING A SILLY GOOBER?!??!!! ! LIKE A FULL ON GOOFSTER WHO IS VERY VERY SILLY ? !!!!! !?!?!? ???!

I don't have much of an opinion, but I would like to say I find his instances of silliness funny because of how seriously he takes himself.

Like him naming the shapeshifter Shifty like, if anyone other than Ford did that, you'd think it's amusing, you'd chuckle, yeah, but Ford? Absolutely hilarious.

I think it's also how he's built up in the show; the mysterious author of the journals, one of the biggest mysteries of Gravity Falls is also the same guy who stopped doing research so he could play Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons (something I think about all the time!)

I love the dimension he has, it's another dimension to a character that has been to many dimensions.

'Cause we're all kinda silly. We've gotta be really.

(but I also project onto Ford really heavily, keep that in mind)

I know I have more thoughts on Ford (as I always seem to) but I can't quite put it into words.

[inventors-fair]

Twist and Shout: Chiasmus Winners ~

Congratulations to our winners this week: @bread-into-toast, @deg99 and @hiygamer!

I do have a lot to say this week that I’ll get into when we do commentary, which might not take as long this week, but c’est la vie. This was a lot more difficult for the average bear and we have a lot of valiant submissions. I’ll be explaining about how/where to improve, rework, and understand some of this while also reflecting on what the challenges might have been in approaching this contest, some of which have already been expressed.

@bread-into-toast​ — Dinrova Stalker

Weirdly fun, innit. The anti-combat-trick card. I’ll go over the mechanics first because, while we did get a lot of strong mechanical cards this week, you folks rose to the top of the flavor/mechanical blend. Having a blinkably strong card that can only disappear at certain times feels like something fun to use, a recursive and strong ability that gets rid of your flooding, fills the graveyard, and is a control win condition in limited that makes combat really hard for your opponent to gauge. I like that a lot! It’s deceptively difficult to both use perfectly and play around—unless you just Murder it, but you know what, it’s a target when it’s not moving, and that’s the price of stalking.

I think it’s clever how you used an idiom to make this one work. Common linguistic tropes being turned around tickles me when they’re done right, and this one is done right indeed. A double phrasing turnabout! It fits exactly what you’re trying to convey, the art is certainly directed enough and I can envision the prompt that could create it precisely. Stalky, Dimir-y, certainly magical-y, and creepy to boot. Perfectly solid! The most minor of notes is that there shouldn’t be spaces next to the emdash; that’s something I did for a long time but you’ll see the correct spacing on cards like Aid the Fallen. 

@deg99 — Grave Silence

I really don’t know why Tumblr doesn’t link you when we @ you. No matter—you’ve got a card here that’s still good as heck and really simple, too. Boardwipes are strange things, aren’t they. Something like Farewell is easily printable on any world to different degrees of flavorful success, but will we see it printed outside a core set of sorts? Probably not. Simple isn’t generic, either. This card combines different philosophical angles in uniquely Magical ways. Is there peace in exile, in the now-unstirring tombs? Or is the battlefield now echoing with the stillness of bodies and nothing more?

It feels so damn exact! That’s a good thing, and you nailed what I think I wanted this contest to be about: executing good-sounding flavor text in ways that fit the cards and their character. I’d say je ne sais quoi but this contest is already making me feel a teensy bit pretentious. That’s really what it is, though—nuance. The cycles of life and death, destruction and peace, quelling and suppressing, gone and forgotten, that’s all packaged here. It doesn’t have to be a grand statement or a poetic line that’s, ‘like, so deep, dude,’ because it just does right by itself. Subtly. It’s white, it’s black, it’s on point.

@hiygamer​ — Golran, Kin-Tree Stalwart

As soon as I saw this card, my jaw dropped. Maybe it’s because I only really got into drafting hardcore around the time that KTK landed, but there was a lot happening there, and a lot that’s happening here, too. Mechanically, I want to start off by making this 2GW, because this could absolutely take over the board a lot earlier than anticipated unless your set has so much hard removal and/or combat control that you’re making it rough for it to exist. But wow, this card combines some crazy things about all aspects of the block and modern design sensibilities and makes for a fun card that captures me in every sense.

The time-traveling ancestors are... Well, okay, I’ll admit, it’s been a long time since I’ve read up on the Abzan and how things went down around that time. But no matter. The Kin-Tree is something I recall well, and the ancestry of the Abzan clan and their endurance is also a testament to the way their powers make sense here. I can recall the exact uncommon, that invocation, and here we have it as a repeatable card that you have to attack with, but the ancestors will be there for every push. The way through is how they’ll appear. You have to take the risk in order to get their blessing. That’s really cool! I love it! It makes you want to push, not just on the board, but from a flavorful perspective as well! This card feels like home. It’s what the Abzan would have wanted.

Thank you all for your entries! More soon, more soon. @abelzumi​

[buglife]

Shh I got inspired by those doodles I did of Monomon and sick bby Quirrel so I wrote a ficlet.

----

It had been a few months since Monomon found a tiny pip rolling around the trash in the City of Tears. She thought at first that it was some sort of ball that some child had lost. Then it sneezed, which scared the hell out of her. She had looked closer and she was surprised to see a nearly transparent pip crawling around the garbage. The poor thing was dented up and was attempting to eat a discarded cloak. When he saw her, he hissed and curled up into a ball, thinking that if he couldn’t see her, than she couldn’t see him. She had picked him up, this little shivering ball of tenacity, and took him with her.

One thing lead to another and she had found herself as an adoptive mother to a baby isopod. The doctor she took him too told her that he shouldn’t even be out of the pouch, let alone being all by himself. Either he was abandoned or something unfortunate happened to his mother, and having the guard investigate gave her no answers. She decided that it was probably going to be a mystery forever, and decided to focus her energy on raising her newly acquired son.

She had named him Quirrel, after an old philosopher who often wrote about the beauty of the world. She somehow knew he’d be able to see the world for the beautiful thing as it is and not be focused on the doom and gloom of it all. She was a scientist, so of course she could find beauty in even the smallest micro-organism and all the way to the desolate wastes. Something told her he’d see it too.

Her high hopes proved to be true, as he turned out to be a rather clever little pip. He was still far too young for speech, or even to be roaming about by himself, so she decided to conduct a little experiment. Sign language wasn’t uncommon in Hallownest, but most non-hindered bugs tended to learn it after they have mastered speech and not before. What if she taught Quirrel, a little pip, some sign language now?

Her experiment bore fruit, and he learned some signs quickly. It was only a few words now that were simple to sign. He was still a baby and lacked the fine motor control for the more complex signs, but he could at least tell her when he was hungry or if he wanted something. She imagined that this experiment could do a lot of good in the end.

What concerned her however, was the lack of actual noise he made.

Quirrel was an incredibly quiet baby at he beginning. He simply refused to make much noise at all, and when he did, he flinched as though expecting to be punished for it. It had taken weeks of positive reinforcement before he started making the noises a little pip was expected to be making. It was very endearing to see him babbling and having her students babble back at him. His tiny eyes would light up and he’d wiggle in excitement before continuing the ‘conversation’. Even with all the encouragements from both her and her students, he still preferred to be quiet, napping through most of the day whilst in her pip pocket. That was normal for an isopod this young, but it was still concerning that he felt that he had to stay quiet.

That changed early one morning when he started to audibly fuss. Usually he’d just try to escape when bored, writhing about and trying to climb out of the pocket. But today, at the most ungodly early hour, he was making noises, squeaking and hissing in what seemed to be discomfort. Monomon had at first though he was hungry, but he outright refused his usual leaf paste. She tried tiktik bits, sliced fruit, and even a cookie, but he refused it all and grew increasingly more frustrated with each rejected food item.

She had tried asking him to tell her what was wrong through sign language, but he was either unwilling or unable to bother with it.

Finally he had enough, and began to wail, loudly. She had never heard him make a noise that loud before and it startled her enough to spill the juice she was trying to tempt him with all over herself. He only stopped loud enough to take a breath before belting out another heaving cry, little eyes overflowing with tears as he made his discomfort known.

“Shhhh….shhhh...it’s okay, my little one.” She attempted to try and comfort him, but he just wailed louder.

Concerned, she picked him up and tucked him under her chin, trying to soothe the sobbing pillbug, when she noticed what could be causing all this pain. His forehead was burning hot, and he was faintly shivering as he bawled into her veil. It wasn’t hard to figure out that her pip was ill and she plucked him out from her embrace to take a better look at him.

There were bags under his eyes and his face was tinged blue with heat. He had his mandibles open wide enough when crying that she can see some swelling in the back of his throat. She gently palpitated his belly and could feel the organs within twist and with every movement he cried harder. So, he was nauseous, which made sense on why he would refuse a cookie. Fever, chills, sore throat, most likely he picked something up from one of the students. She mentally kicked herself, she should have made her students wash up before picking him up as they liked to do. She should have not allowed them to give him little smooches and hugs. She should have not brought him with her at all when among the masses of students and archivists that swarmed about her. But she couldn’t bear the thought of leaving him all alone, not after what he’d been through.

The fact of the matter is that no amount of hindsight was going to change the fact that Quirrel caught something and was currently not having a very good time about it. His wails were starting to sound raspy and wet, no doubt that his sinuses were starting to be affected too. The sheer amount of screaming wasn’t helping matters and her thoughts raced on what she should do.

“Modern Manca Medicine, Chapter Seven, pages nine through ten,” She recited out loud as she recalled one of the many books she absorbed after taking Quirrel in, “Common treatment options for sickly manca and juvenile pillbugs include swaddling and standard fever reduction tactics for most invertebrates. Hrm... Grubs and You: A New Mother’s Guide, Chapter Nine, page twelve. When a child refuses to eat, honey is a suitable way to provide needed nutrition and slip in medication without upsetting the stomach. Hrm... that would work, wouldn’t it?”

Quirrel continued his crying, rapidly losing his voice, and she brushed a kiss on the top of his head to comfort him. His antenna twitched and his sobbing died down just a teensy bit, but it was enough for her to notice. He must have smelled her and realized she was going to help him, his eyes were too full of tears to be much use to him at the moment. She grabbed a spare blanket and wrapped him up tightly to deal with the shivers. He instantly stopped wriggling so hard and she managed to slip him back into the pip pocket without much incident.

Next, a cool cloth was needed. She needed to bring down his fever so he could rest. That wasn’t too hard to find. She ended up tying the wet cloth on his head like you would a kerchief, pinning down his antenna so they can cool down as well. She was quite happy to find that after she did that, he had stopped his wailing. He was still making noises of discomfort, squeaking and hiccupping, but he wasn’t outright screaming anymore. Her auditory organs was most happy with that turn of events for sure.

“Herbal Remedies for the Modern Bug, Chapter two, pages one through twenty.” She floated quickly to her herb cabinet, selecting dried bundles here and there. Lemon balm for fever, mint and ginger for his stomach, marshmallow root for his throat, maybe licorice root too? Lavender and Chamomile to help him sleep so he can focus on getting better, yes, that should do it. She mentally ran through the list, using a free set of tentacles to rock Quirrel gently. For now he seemed content to stay in his pocket, squeaking here and there as he braved through his illness. Poor little pip...she resolved to give him extra cookies once he felt well enough to eat them.

She put a kettle to boil and threw her selected herbs inside to seep and condense. She would have used her alchemical equipment to do this faster, but she didn’t feel like taking him downstairs where there would be students and workers showing up. When Quirrel started fussing again, she replaced his now warm cloth with a freshly cooled one, and he quieted down again.

Finally, the kettle had boiled enough and she strained the liquid into a bowl. Next, she took out a jar of honey and began the delicate procedure of making medicine that won’t be instantly spat out by a fussy grub. She calculated that a 2:1 ratio should work the best as he would be less likely to spit up something that tasted relatively good. Eventually, she mixed up a small cup full of her makeshift medicine and retrieved a clean eyedropper. Calculating body weight, she drew up half a measure, and with that finished she went to attempt to give it to Quirrel.

He, of course, put up a fuss, and began screaming again. She understood why, he wasn’t feeling well and his belly was hurting. The last thing he would want right now was something to go down into said hurting belly and she was not surprised when he tried to bite her a few times. Unfortunately for him, Isopods are not known for being able to do much more than nibble. Using that to her advantage, she let him latch on to the end of one of her tentacles, letting him get nice and occupied, and then shoved the end of the eyedropper into the corner of his mouth. The medicine was squirted down his throat before he could do anything to stop it and for that he bit her harder. He even hissed a little and it would be adorable if he wasn’t feeling so poorly.

He let go to scream again, but then stopped and stuck out his tongue. He was obviously tasting the honey now, and he loved honey. Monomon sighed in relief, at least next time she gave him a dose she wouldn’t get bit for her troubles. He opened his mouth a couple times and blinked, looking up at her face. He lifted up his hands and wiggled them.

“Abah?” He sniffled, trying to clear his throat and sinus.

“Hrm, what do you want, my little scholar?” She was pleased to not longer see him screaming. “Use your hand words.”

He made two fists and bumped them together. <”more,”> he signed.

“Of course, you can have more honey. I think you deserve it, after putting up with all that.”

He seemed happy with the idea, and she was able to give him another teaspoon of honey before he signed ‘done’ at her. His little belly could only take so much now and she took the time to wipe his face clean. He fussed at the cleaning, but yawned once she finished. Clearly the medicine was starting to work, his breathing was better and feeling his gut showed that it was settling down. She gave him a nuzzle and a kiss and tucked him back into his pip pocket. He was asleep nearly instantly and she gently strapped the pocket to herself once more.

Once he was secure she floated downstairs and was once again, swept up into the chaos of the Archives. Someone had accidentally released the charged lumaflies and they were setting books on fire.

Thankfully, Quirrel slept through the whole thing.

[pumpkin-pi-e]

Hello thank you so much for answering! Mochi and I are doing great, she’s just taking a nap while I scroll through Tumblr. Yandere EM sound so sweet if that makes any sense, and i’m glad to hear they would treat me and Mochi well. While I wouldn’t let them go near Mochi alone I would be there to watch and knowing my dog she would love them for spoiling her (and for literally just being there, she assumes everyone/everything is a new friend which is both a good and bad thing) That aside I feel like talking to Aizawa or Hizashi would just be so awkward. Like what would I even say, “Oh how is the weather doing?” Or “How was your day?” Like I know it’s basic questions but it just feels so weird to ask you know? Anyways i’m rambling so I should probably go for now. Have a wonderful day, drink some water, and see you later! :D

Of course! I love interacting with my followers and moots. 🥰

I’m glad you’re both doing well! Yes, they are very sweet boys. It makes perfect sense! It would throw anyone for a loop with how doting and respectful they are despite being your captors. As such, they respect your rule of supervised visits with Mochi. Hizashi can dig it! He’d be lying if he said he weren’t a teensy bit sad for the lack of trust. But trust isn’t bought, it’s earned. That said, Mochi sounds super adorable. With her friendly demeanor, she’ll get along with their rescued cats and kitties perfectly! (She’s already endeared herself to EM. One look at those puppy eyes and they were sold.)

Hizashi and Shou will definitely sneak her treats. Since they aren’t allowed to give them directly, they’re left around the house for her to find like a scavenger hunt. They can’t be blamed if she just so happens to come across them.

I agree, it would feel pretty daunting striking up a conversation when there’s so much unspoken baggage between the three of you. Like, are you supposed to ignore that and play pretend?

It would absolutely be awkward to some degree, but EM doesn’t want it to be.

They want to hear whatever’s on your mind. Even if that something is dragging their names through the mud. They want to know what you’re feeling. They won’t pry, but they’ll softly encourage. No human is exempt from the desire to connect with someone. Self-isolating isn’t healthy. Your mental wellness is important to them. You’re free to express yourself, however that may be. EM don’t need philosophical questions or deep conversations. Your hubbies will gladly discuss the theory of Chuck E Cheese recycling pizza and reselling it.

Hizashi: You can chat with us about whatever! We can sing along to any tune you throw down. We’ll vibe to your beat!

Shouta: We’re here if you want to talk. The time of day isn’t relevant. Don’t worry about bothering us at work. We can make time for you.

Hizashi: Please bother us. Wherever, whenever.

Those basic questions would make their week. It’s monumental. Something so simple would mean so much to them. Shouta, (the opportunist fox) would agree to fill you in on his day if you’d be willing to sit beside him on the couch. I hope you cleared your schedule for the day. Hizashi will indulge you ‘til he’s blue in the face. He spills the deets tout suite.

Again, they’d be happy soaking up your presence. They’ve been plenty greedy, (taking you from your previous residence) so they can contend with peaceful silence for awhile. The heroes so desperately wanna fast forward until you’re comfortable with them, but they understand. It’s gonna take time. And they’re willing to put in the work. These bonding moments are cherished memories.

(Softie!Shouta) “The weather’s been pretty nice lately.” Ever since you’ve been home, they’ve got sunshine on a cloudy day. He’d take you out to enjoy it if you’ll hold his hand.

[willsimpforazula]

Sokkla Month Day 3: FMA:B AU

A/N: NGL i did toy with making sokka as mustang and azula as hawkeye but it be like it do. It was either this or Fate/Stay Night AU where someone needs a mana transfer (if you didn't know what a mana transfer is, good. pls stay pure) Anyways, without further ado-

Tunnels

Fifth Laboratory

Central City

As soon as Envy started to brag about how Ty Lee couldn't bring herself to shoot her wife in the face and the look of shock on her face, Sokka knew by the way her entire body was tensing up that this was not going to end well for both sides. While Envy was still oblivious, Sokka braced himself for the screams that were sure to follow the smug laughs.

"Congratu-fucking-lations Envy, you've just played yourself." Azula coldly smirked, her face in a sort of grin that reminded Sokka way too much of Kimblee that it sent a chill down his spine. Pocketing her gloves to reveal a transmutation circle etched into the top of her hand, she turned to look Envy in the eye before snapping her fingers.

Instantly, the room was filled with the agonizing screams of the homunculus as its tongue was set ablaze in a flash of turquoise. Glaring at Azula, she merely remarked "Remarkable, isn't it? After all, the human tongue has a rather high percentage of fat, which makes it oh so easy to burn."

Turning to the rest of the assembled group, Azula barked "Go find this Father guy, me and the lieutenant will deal with this sack of shit."

"You heard the man, let's go."

"But-"

"That's an order." Sokka barked to Aang.

"Look kid, we don't got much time." one of the Chimeras urged. Reluctantly, they started to move deeper and deeper into the tunnels. Before Envy could even move to block, it found itself on the receiving end of another sapphire barrage, scorching it from head to toe.

"So, you're the one who burnt Lust to a crisp." it huffed and puffed, as it spent the lives the Philosopher's stone contained to regenerate its health.

"Then you know just what kind of fate awaits you."

Enraged, it abandoned its human disguise and took on it's true form, a massive green hulking beast that had a host of faces stretching against it's very skin, their death masks an unnerving sight.

"I was just going easy on you, but now I'll make sure you and your pretty little boytoy there is going to- AHHH!FUCK!"

"You truly are a special kind of dumbfuck aren't you? First you openly brag about killing my closest friend, now you give me a bigger target to hit?" she laughed, before zapping him with rapid strikes that soon filled the air with smoke, soot and the ever familiar smell of burning flash that for a brief moment, transported Sokka back to that hot, blood-soaked sands of Ishval.

Sensing that it probably wasn't the best idea to hang around in the place where Lust got fried by her, it chose the only sensible option and ran on all fours into the labyrinth.

"Sokka, stay here. This one's mine to settle."

"She was my friend too!"

" Lieutenant Sokka Hawkeye , this is a direct order from your superior to stand down."

"Fine."

Turning to face the tunnels, she strode in with a singular purpose and aim. To avenge the death of Ty Lee.

-----

"Scar?"

"What is it?"

"I need to talk to you?"

"It's about the Colonel, isn't it?."

A nod. "I figured as much.", he sighed, "That face, the rage, I used to be like that long ago. The way I see it, she'll burn herself up long before she'll even get a chance to recover."

As if to emphasize his point, the sounds of Envy's tortured screams as it was relentlessly pursued echoed through the corridors. "Come, we need to keep moving." Reluctantly, Aang nodded and grit his teeth, steeling his heart to the blood curdling screams of someone getting burnt repeatedly.

-----

"Show yourself, you freak! Weren't you all high and mighty, boasting about your exploits, hmm? Too scared to pick on someone your own size?" she taunted, eyes peeled for any sign of movement.

"Come out come out wherever you are...or else I'll burn off your skin, bit by teensy bit, you worthless piece of crap." she continued, her voice raising by several octaves and taking on an almost sadistic tone.. Hearing the echoing cries and the almost  sing song taunts, Sokka could stand it no longer and headed down the tunnels, his pistol at the low ready.

------

Turning a corner, Azula heard an all too familiar voice call out "Hey there, Colonel." Snapping around, she saw Ty Lee standing in her uniform leaning nonchalantly against the wall, before she lunged at her. She won't dare to touch her, not if the-

Her thoughts were cut short as Azula's face, twisted with rage, blasted the lookalike with an unceasing torrent. For good measure, she even charred the cartilage in its left knee and burnt out the soles on the right foot in addition to singing its eyes.

"If you think I'm afraid of calling in fires danger close, need I give you a lesson in who I am?" her lips curling in a feral grin before blasting her once more. At this point, Envy knew better than to try and reason with her and ran. "So much for homunculi being the superior being."  she tutted, her face stained with traces of soot and ash that left black streaks on her  creamy white skin.

Taking respite in a mass of pipes, it spotted Sokka, who was looking for her, hoping against hope that she didn't completely lose herself. Even injured, it formed up a devious plan as it stalked him from the shadows.

"Fuck, this place is like a maze." he uttered, wandering through the tunnels. Hearing the sound of boots, he clung to the shadows. When the noise drew level, he aimed it at her face at the same time Azula pointed her fingers at him. For a brief moment, neither side let their guard down, before exhaling.

"Didn't I tell you to stay back?"

"I couldn't Colonel. Besides, someone needs to make sure you don't do something stupid."

"You're probably right. An extra set of eyes would be helpful."

Traveling a short distance, Sokka suddenly paused and leveled his gun at the back of her head.

"Do you know who your gun is pointed at?"

"Who? Don't make me laugh, when it's just us, the Colonel calls me by my first name." Turning to face her, Envy (who was disguised as Azula) smirked. "So you two really are that close huh." Letting out a small breath, Sokka executed a double tap to the chest and one to the head before replying "I lied."

Shrugging off his shots, Envy got back up and tried to rush him, but Sokka calmly slammed two rounds into the kneecaps, making it kneel on the ground as he leisurely holstered his dry gun and drew two more from his back, knocking out its arms and wrists before finally unslinging the rifle and giving the homunculus a dose of high speed lead poisoning.

Thoroughly pissed off, Envy lashed out and stabbed his shoulder, making him drop the rifle before it wrapped an appendage around him and smacked him upside the head. Before it could paint the walls with his grey matter, the real Colonel Azula arrived and toasted Envy, rendering its grip on him a pile of soot and ash.

"You truly are a glutton for punishment aren't you? First you kill my friend and boast about it, now you hurt my lieutenant? I swear I will burn you until you're nothing but a pile of ash and dust. And I've got all the time in the world, you miserable rat." Even as she spoke, her fingers snapped like a machine gun setting it ablaze over and over again.

"How many lives you've got left? Six? Sixty? Six hundred? No matter, it's all the same to me. Tell me, how does it feel to get your ass roasted by the very same person who killed Lust in the very same way?"

"Why you-GAH!!!"

"Stop, please!"

"What, not hot enough? I'll gladly crank up the heat. Stay back lieutenant, it's going to get a little toasty in here." Like a well oiled machine, her snap came almost naturally and any humanoid form of Envy was finally turned into cinders, whilst the tip of her gloves were starting to char and smoke. From the ashes, a green six legged slug-esque creature crawled away, it's squeaking voice lamenting at having been reduced to this form once again.

Without hesitation, Azula applied pressure on the offending creature, before commenting "So this is your true form. What a pathetic little being."

"P-Please-don't kill me!" it begged.

"Envy means jealousy, does it not? Well then, you won't have anything to be jealous of very shortly."

"Nooo please I don't want to die, not like this!!" it screeched.

Before Azula could turn the hapless homunculus into the next life, a sound of a hammer being cocked gave her paused.

"And just what do you think you're doing?"

"That's far enough. I'll handle it"

"What does it matter if it's me or you that deals the final blow? The fucker is going to die regardless, so lower your weapon."

"No. I cannot obey that."

"I will not ask again."

"Put your damn hands in the air, now!"

A burst of alchemically created earth wave soon took the decision making away from them as it launched it right into Aang's hand, who kept a vice like grip on it.

"Nice of you to drop by. Now hand it over."

"No."

"This is a direct order by a superior officer, hand it over."

"No."

"Are you asking for a fight and a court martial?"

"Bring it on by all means. But take a good look at yourself and ask, is this the face you want to lead Amestris with?!"

"Kill it if you wish, what right do I have as someone who has done the same. But I shudder to think what kind of world such a person held prisoner by their desire for vengeance would create." Scar added.

"Colonel, I have no intention of letting that slimeball live to see the next sunrise but please, this is not your fight anymore."

"No, you don't understand! I finally ran the bastard down, the bastard who killed Ty Lee! I-"

"But still, I cannot let you do something so reckless! Justice is what she needed, not this blind hatred for her killer. If this is how you act if one person wrongs you, what then will you do if a region or hell, another nation crosses you? Will you turn it into another Ishval? No, I will not let you."

"Please, let it go. I know you're better than that, Azula. I'm begging you, please!" "Go on, do what you need to. Then what?"

"Then it'll be the second last shot I'll ever take. After that, what else is there to live for?"

"No, that won't happen. That can never happen." Summoning her rage, she loosed off an intense jet that blackened the walls of a nearby tunnel, it's heat making everyone sweat like a hot August day.

Looking at the people around her, she remarked "Ironic, isn't it? Scolded by a child, lectured by a man who has all the right to seek vengeance against me for the crimes against his people and you, you-"

"-I've done it again." she ended mournfully. Clasping the hand that was still pointing at her, she gently lowered it down, saying "I've hurt you. Please, forgive me.", before kneeling at his feet, covering her face as the waterworks were out in full force. Holstering his derringer, he too dropped to his knees, and held her in his arms as she cried into his shoulders.

"Azula, I forgive you." he whispered in her ear, all caution and decorum thrown right out of the window as he rubbed her back in small circles.

"Really?" she looked up with red rimmed golden eyes.

"Really."

"Thank you, Sokka. For pulling me back from the abyss. I love you."

"I love you too, my little firecracker."

"Goddamnit Lieutenant, I can't believe you lied to me!" Envy squeaked.

"Shut up you pipsqueak, who gave you the right to speak!" Aang scolded, making it shrink back in fear.

"Hey Azula?"

"Yes?"

"We still got a transmutation circle to stop."

"Right."

"The usual place, 8 pm tomorrow evening?"

"As long as you're the one footing the bill."

"Deal. Now let's go."

[snowtimeisbesttime]

Thoughts and questions on Hiveswap Act 2– Part 1.

**DISCLAIMER** I haven't played through the entire game yet! I got to the intermission in the whole trial thingy, and will continue tomorrow! Therefore, I Am Not Looking at anything yet, only posting. I'll probably come back and edit this once I've actually finished the game.

-Did the default names for Xefros & Dammek's lusii change?? I loaded my Act 1 save, and I'm sure they had their default names (Zoosmell and Cornibuster) there, though I'm also pretty sure i accidentally unlocked the “name the lusii” achievement on that save by clicking on the text windows without actually changing their names so... Dammek's lusus is called Toothy now i guess?

-On that note, if Xefros' lusus died I'm going to fucking scream. Even though I'm pretty sure we've barely seen him on screen since like the end of Act 1 but Regardless.

-We see Charun's cave, and it turns out they were neighbours with Zebede all this time, but they're nowhere to be seen at the train?? unless they grabbed an earlier one... Charun did get a death flag the size of the pacific ocean, when interacting with their weird sculpture with a lot of legs and arms surrounding a mouth, but Zebede's just gone without a trace? The bees are gone and there's a hole in the side of his hive, but his lusus doesn't seem to be particularly upset? And neither is Charun's, assuming that huge bug near the cave is their lusus. (Idarat the canon fantroll #3 doesn't appear at the train either, but that's probably for the same reason there aren't any jade or teal background characters: to keep the court scene neat)

-The drones are supposed to be en route to the station, supposedly to fix the ticket machines but probably to cull whoever tripped the alarm on them... i sure hope they don't follow the train or anything orz

-Mostly everyone seems to resemble their respective Friendsims, more or less:

Fozzer appears to be scratched still, yet more philosophical. Also he's not in the train either.

Folykl seems just a touch friendlier than in her friendsim (and Kuprum's still just as hyped about becoming a helmsman as before, even if he seems to know more details about it now).

Chixie's more anxious, probably because it seems she's been doing stuff as The Mask for a while now, and she's going to fuck shit up at Jeevik Week. She says she's not alone in that, and considering it's apparently confirmed that the random troll from her good end Was Dammek all this time... is she also actively in the rebellion? Also is it just me or does her sprite look somewhat scribblier than everyone else's? Even the background characters??

Elwurd's pretty much the same, and it does seem her flirting with Joey was mostly to try and get her to buy something. Also... if her fake tickets were so good, why didn't she just use them, instead of giving them to Joey and Xefros? Like, I get Marvus and Boldir Knowing Stuff, but her?

Zebruh's paying attention to Marvus instead of Chixie, which. Small mercies. He's still a dick, and we're still doing the whole “clowns are peak oppressed” thing.

Marvus seems to still be perfectly nice to the main characters, and perfectly willing to let other people die in order to help them advance (getting Zebruh to sign up for Slam or Get Culled, Daraya if you fuck up in the trial thing, Hopefully Not Any More Cases...) He is helping Tyzias out with her defensive legislaceration experiments, though, and basically everyone who isn't Joey seems to think he might flip his shit and murder someone, as clowns do. At least people don’t seem to lose their minds around him anymore.

Vikare's basically the same, but Joey immediately picks up on his Jake Vibes and instinctively dislikes him.

Diemen eats people???????? as in, actively????????? wtf?????????

Skylla seems to be pretty much the same, but she's obviously worried because Ladyy's sick!! God I fucking hope we do get to help her out before the end of the game.

Marsti's also friendlier than she was in her volume, though I remember MSPAR was particularly prone to sticking their foot in their mouth in that one.

Cirava's surprisingly more trusting than they were in their volume (and also, their eye's light green and not teal). Also, apparently they gouged their other eye out on stream?????? as in live???? besides that, good to see not All of the powerful psionics get succesfully indoctrinated.

Polypa's also rather willing to help out, though we still don't know what the heck happened to her.

Boldir's suitably mysterious, and probably also involved with the rebellion... she does call Xefros “burgundy figurehead”.

Konyyl and Azdaja are still having relationship stuffs, but in the end they clearly care the most about each other. (he still doesn't seem to give a fuck about helm stuffs so far?) The question is, who exactly were they hunting down??

The jades and the teals are basically the same as their Friendsim incarnations, as far as I've seen. The one major change to the jades (besides jade lore which i'll discuss further down) seems to be that hatched2dance is now one of the biggest reasons for their fights, and Bronya does get a crunchy bit of Backstory (the jade from her past that got culled because of the Rainbow Hemotions saga, which is also the reason she's so hard on Daraya now)

On the teals, Stelsa and Tyzias seem to have a teensy bit of quadrant vacillation going on?? Tirona seems to be more focused on becoming a history revisionist than a memeagandist now, and it would also seem that Tegiri's the one into vampires now (or at least, Tagora's better at hiding it And a lot better at not getting involved with the whole mess that is whatever the heck the jades are doing)

-Psionics can have single-colored eyes!! tbh we'd already seen this back in Tegiri's route in Friendsim but it's good to Actually See it visually.

-Also, nice to see that Xefros *can* go toe to toe with the strongest psionic we know in all of Hiveswap! (95% sure that I've seen someone theorize something like this might happen?? I personally wasn't expecting it here but anyways Xefros you're doing amazing sweetie) What's not so nice is that he's only shown this strength when Azdaja hurt Joey (as far as i've played of course)... so unless he like unlocks his potential or something so he can do Big Psychics without seeing his friends get hurt beforehand we're in for some Angst.

-Also if Marvus got his ticket from Cridea (and Chixie won hers in like a raffle or something) then why couldn't she have given Xefros and Dammek some?? like, Dammek's been to one Jeevik Week already. Fiamet also told her about Joey, but by then they were already in the train.

-Me: Xefros' microphone's going to be important in act 2! Also me: *has to give it to fucking Zebruh to get his ticket*. Oh well, that's one thing for the Second Playthrough of Achievement Getting (plus: wearing the cone horns, having Joey introduce herself to Boldir, getting through the whole ace attorney segment without game overs...)

-We get the Quadrant Explanation #1000, sans auspisticism.

-It's vaguely implied that Dammek has also read some Soldier Purrbeasts books?? He's told Xefros the whole “death creates a bond deeper than matespritship or kismessisitude” thing, apparently! So if he's not secretly into troll warrior cats then. That sentence's more than mildly worrying??

-JADEBLOOD LOREDUMP PART THE NTEENTH: Okay first of all it's implied that More cloisters exist? Which in retrospect is pretty much obvious because you can't expect only six trolls to take care of All the troll grubs in existence. Also, the reason jades can't sneak out of the caverns anymore is “because they get Drone'd”, and it seems to be implied that they Can't go out At All*, which kinda contrasts with Friendsim (where literally all the jades snuck out of the caverns at least once: Lanque, Daraya and Wanshi in their own routes, Lynera in Vol 18, and Bronya in Vols 6 & 18). One of their tasks seems to be guarding Forbidden Literature, and Xefros states that they either cull or indoctrinate the most powerful psychic grubs.

-It's also stated that all of our jades were chosen for the cloister when they were basically wrigglers, while Lynera states in Friendsim that she's only been 2,43 sweeps in the caverns. (Considering Bronya's new backstory, it seems that capability to become a rainbow drinker ISN'T the qualifying factor for getting cloistered– depending on how exactly that jade died). It comes to mind that regular, non-cloistered jades might not really know about all these logistics, as it seems that at least Bronya wants to keep them secret– and therefore I don't have to go back and re-rewrite yet another chunk of Mirrorbent orz.

-Lastly, Xefros says they will all become nuns (btw, space church was mentioned in Lanque's route!) when they reach their Ordeals, and we already knew they'd be forced to live in isolation from Friendsim, but during the ace attorney thingy Lynera says she's NOT going to leave the planet because she'll become a midwife and tend to the Mother Grub (basically what we all thought jadebloods did back when we only had the ancestor stuff on Homestuck)... but either Daraya or Lanque told her that they weren't real? So either there's more jade propaganda that we didn't know about, or...

-*The one exception to this is, coincidentally, Jeevik Week, and it's apparently because Trizza herself made it so jades could go too, 3 or 4 sweeps before Hiveswap... why's that? What's so important about Jeevik Week that Trizza would do this? Iirc Cridea and Trizza were sort of set up as opposing forces (?? words), all the way back from the first bunch of concept arts we saw of them? The first thing we learnt from Trizza was that she was the “second best at memes”, and on Cridea's first appearance, when troll twitter was still Prongle, she said that some chick was stealing her memes... and now, Cridea has exactly one follower less than Trizza, who everyone in Alternia's forced to follow... would that person be the heiress herself?

[jadekitty777]

Cram Session

Alright, the final day is here – and you better believe I’m ready to burst with excitement! I have not been able to calm down all week!

So, to cap things off, let’s go for a ‘feel good’ one, yeah? This one’s all about friendship and teamwork.

Rating: K

Word Count: 2200

Summary: With the looming threat of his entire team being failed if he does, Tai finds himself desperately trying to absorb every bit of knowledge he can before the big test. Unsurprisingly, it’s not going well – but at least Qrow’s there to offer some moral support.

Ao3 Link: Cram Session

The fluctuation of hormone levels from pure dust injection in the human body was found to have different effects depending on many factors including the following: Age, weight, aura level,…

The tapping of his pencil kept time with the ticking clock as Tai read through the scientific journal, trying to absorb as much as he could. He needed to get a good grade on this test; he was doing horribly in his Analytical Dust Chemical Bonding class. Just the name of it was daunting – but the actual lessons were brutal. He’d never gotten so many bad marks in his life. One more and he was going to fail the class. While that wouldn’t be the end of the world on its own, there was just one teensy-weensy, itty-bitty little problem:

If he failed, the rest of his team did as well.

No pressure there or anything.

He believed that the dire consequences was all about promoting teamwork – some philosophical mumbo-jumbo about how if they let a partner fall behind in class, they’d let them fall behind on the field too. He wouldn’t even say he disagreed with the idea, but it certainly didn’t account for people like Qrow and Raven, who had virtually no prior schooling experience. Not to say they were dunces – put them on the field and they’d ace nearly any training exercise. But the minute a pen was in their hand and a book in their lap, they suddenly seemed like the stupidest people in all of Beacon.

It was Summer who had figured it out. Their history teacher had called on Qrow to answer a question on the board. He had squinted for a few moments, before saying, “I can’t.”

“You don’t know the answer?”

“Nah, just can’t read your handwriting.”

At the time, Tai hadn’t thought anything of it; but as the teacher read off the question, Summer sat up straight in her seat, looking as if she’d just solved an enigma. Later that day, she called for an impromptu ‘team meeting’.

He remembered how she paced, looking troubled, before finally whirling on the twins. “Look, I’m just going to be direct about this. You two can’t read, can you?”

Tai was so caught off guard by the announcement his mind was struggling to catch up. The siblings, however, had no such issue, going from bored to alert in a blink. “What nonsense are you spouting? How do you think we filled out our transcripts?” Raven counterargued.

“Bribery.” Summer replied without missing a beat. “Just like you’re doing with Oobleck.”

“It’s called working smarter, not harder.” Qrow quipped.

“No, it’s called cheating.” She retorted. “And it’s not going to carry you through the next four years.”

“Don’t know if you don’t try.”

“And anyways, last I checked, we were here to fight Grimm.” Raven added. “Who cares about the written stuff?”

Summer started ticking off points on her fingers. “How are you guys going to write the papers? Do the presentations? Take the finals?”

That seemed to knock out some of their bluster as they shared an uncertain glance. It seemed the exact scale of what they needed to worry about had never occurred to them – but how could it of? They couldn’t read the lesson plan. “We’ll figure it out.” Raven finally said, shrugging it off.

Summer looked between them, huffing like a bull about to charge.

Tai was the one who found his voice first. “Are you sure that’s the decision you want to make?”

“Oh great, now you have something to say?” Qrow snipped, his casual tone shifting to something more caustic.

Deliberately avoiding the obvious goad, he continued, “Look, there’s no shame if you don’t know how to read or write. There’s only shame in not being willing to learn.”

“You’re a regular ol’ walking proverb, you know that?”

“I have a book filled with them. I’ll let you read it when you can.” He finally shot back, getting to his feet. “But you’re not going to get anywhere if you don’t try. So, either you lower your pride and ask us for help, or you fail. Your choice.”

Summer intervened, gentle yet firm. “You guys must have come to this school for a reason. You have to decide if that reason is worth working hard for.”

Nothing had happened right away, and after a few days, Tai was pretty sure the twins were going to stick it out on their own. Then, one day, while he and Summer were studying in the library, the two had walked right up to their table and demanded their ‘supplementary lessons’ (Raven absolutely refused to call it help).

As it turned out, neither of them were completely illiterate, but their handwriting was atrocious and the level they could read at was on par with a seven-year old’s. So, Summer got them comprehensive reading books to strengthen their vocabulary and stencils to help them with their letters. It was torturously slow-going at times, and he had worried the whole process would be agonizingly painful, as he’d expected every lesson would be nothing but their attitude dialed to eleven – and it had been. At least, at first.

But as the weeks passed, the twins seemed to be less focused on irritating their teammates and more focused on actually learning. Qrow had an insanely good memory, so he was picking up new words and how to apply and spell them by the buckets nearly every week. For Raven, what she lacked in memory she made up for in pure fortitude as she rewrote and reread until she got it right. And though he’d never dare tell them, it was kind of adorable seeing one of Raven’s little smiles or hearing Qrow’s soft ‘Oh’ whenever they understood something.

To his own surprise, Tai discovered he had a bit of a fondness for teaching. There was just something so uplifting about helping the twins work through a problem and see them get it and realizing it was him who helped get them there. It made him really look forward to their time together. It was nice, just being able to sit down together, just the four of them, laughing and helping one another. It finally felt like they were a team.

More than that even - like they really were friends.

He wasn’t going to mess that all up by failing this exam.

The mesolimbic dopaminergic system seems to have a habit of creating new pathways in the ventral striatum…

“The what in the what?” He groaned, letting his head thump onto his desk. How was he going to get all this by Monday?

The door opening had him shooting back up. He expected the rest of his team to walk in, but was surprised when it was just Qrow. He was polishing off the remains of a cookie – Summer’s idea. She thought a reward system would be a good motivator. The twins had rolled their eyes about it, reminding their leader they weren’t children; yet, every cookie earned was mysteriously gone by the end of the session.

“Yo.” He greeted around the mouthful.

“Hey. Done already?” Tai replied, glancing at the clock. It wasn’t even late afternoon yet.

“Nah.” Qrow said, dropping his book bag onto the desk adjacent Tai’s. “Flowerbud called for a break. So, I came back for a nap.”

“Where’d they go?”

“Where else? Training room.”

He snorted softly. From the way she behaved, anyone would have expected it to be Raven’s scheme – but it was actually Summer who loved to unwind by kicking the crap out of them. Rae was just too stubborn to back out of a challenge.

“Isn’t that the same chapter you were reading when we left?”

Tai looked down, covering part of the page. “I was just going over it again.”

Qrow hooked his ankle around the leg of his desk chair, pulling it out and plopping down. “So you know all about the transcriptional mechanisms that develop over time from dust exposure?”

He stared. “Do you?”

“I mean, I don’t actually know what I just said, but I know that basically people get addicted to the stuff.” He replied with a shrug. “So when you see those words, that’s the answer you’re looking for.”

His brow furrowed, trying to make sense of that suggestion. “Is that how you’ve been taking these tests? Just correlating words with the answers you hope will be there?”

“Well yeah. It’s not like I’m gonna be able to read at an academy level anytime soon. Gotta make do with what I got.” He stretched his legs up onto his desk, tipping his chair back. “Don’t need top marks, just passing ones, right?”

“Yeah but,” Tai tried to argue, but when he realized he really didn’t have one, he merely sighed, slumping over some. “Well, I guess it works for a guy like you. You’ve practically got a photographic memory.”

“Or just nothing’s up here.” Qrow joked, tapping his own temple. “An empty mind makes room for more genius.”

“Oh yeah you’re a real prodigy.”

He popped his collar. “Glad you noticed.” With a clack, his chair landed back on all four legs and he popped out of his seat. “And genius like this needs rest.” He put his palm against Tai’s forehead, pushing his head back. “Come on sunburn, you need some too.”

Tai shoved him away. “Maybe later.”

He shrugged, walking across the room. “You know it’s not that big of a deal if you fail, right?”

“Of course it is!” He turned, draping his arm across the back of his chair. “What if I get us all held back?”

“Oh gosh!” He exclaimed sarcastically, falling back onto his bed. “Another whole semester of free food and a bed so soft it’s like sleeping on a cloud? What ever shall I do?”

Huh.

Well, when he put it that way, Tai had no idea why he was trying so hard either.

As if he could read his thoughts, Qrow continued, “See? It’s all in the perspective.”

He couldn’t help it. “So you’re giving me the ‘bird’s-eye view’?” He rose his arm to guard from the pillow flung his way, cackling madly.

Not quite as amused, his roommate only rolled his eyes. “Whatever man, you’re stupid.”

“Don’t worry, our chemistry teacher agrees.” He joked, turning back to his textbook. He underlined the bit about transcriptional messages.

Too lazy to fetch his own, Qrow snatched the pillow off of Raven’s bed. As he got comfortable, he spoke up again, “I still think you’re stressing too much.”

He wrote a note in the margin beside the paragraph. “I just don’t want to disappoint you guys.”

“Sorry to tell ya this bud, but you’re sharing a space with me. Disappointment is guaranteed.” As if Qrow’s words were a cue, the lead on Tai’s pencil suddenly snapped.

He sighed, tossing it down. Alright, maybe a break was in order.

Tai got to his feet, stretching out some of the kinks that had settled. He fetched the pillow off the floor, nailing Qrow in the face with it. He laughed as the other squawked indignantly, turning away to pick up his scroll. He flicked off the lights and headed for his own bed, ducking under a retaliatory throw, the pillow hitting the door and flumping uselessly to the ground. “Nice try.”

Not willing to sacrifice his other, Qrow just grumbled over his failed attempt, kicking off his shoes. He twisted onto his side, facing Tai as he laid down on his own bed. The smirk he gave him was borderline lecherous. “At least I finally got you into bed.”

Tai threw his pillow. And Summer’s for good measure. “You’re the worst!” He ignored the way he laughed at him, focusing on his phone as he set an alarm for them. He placed it on his nightstand. “Alright, give it back. Alarm’s on for five-thirty.” He caught his pillow when it was tossed back at him, burying his face into it.

He heard Qrow shift around before he said, “Hey so, I can’t help you study, but if it means that much to you, I can help you cheat.”

He turned his head, “What?”

“Yeah. I’ll write you tiiiny little notes and we can slip them in the lapels of your jacket.” He pinched his forefinger and thumb together to accentuate just how tiny he meant. “They’ll never suspect a thing.”

Despite knowing it would expel him if he got caught, the fact he was legitimately considering it was probably not a good sign of where his moral compass was going. “I’ll pass, but thanks anyways.”

“Alright. If you change your mind I got plenty of ideas.”

Tai smiled, knowing just how much it said about Qrow that he was at least offering – or trying to cheer him up at all, for that matter. Six months ago, they could barely stop themselves from flinging insults if they were in the same room together; now, he merely ribbed him for fun. Things had definitely changed.

As he drifted off, he figured Qrow was right. It really didn’t matter if he failed some silly test. He’d made some good friends along the way and that was the best success he could ever have.

-

A/N: Prompt was “Are you sure that’s the decision you want to make?”

[littleshebear]

Okay I’ve read the Fall of Osiris issue again and…yeah, I still hate it. I wanted to like it, I really did but I have so many problems with it. Putting this under a cut and I won’t tag to spare the people who loved it. 

I’ll start with some things I did like. I liked Saint. Saint seems like a nice, reasonable dude who is capable of seeing both sides of a situation. You can see why he was so loved based on only these few panels that he appeared in.

The narrative taking the piss out of the Cult of Osiris was good because I am here all day, every day for those ridiculous edge-lords being mocked.   Okay, the things I didn’t like. They are legion. 

Osiris. Sorry guys, I know loads of you love him but I’ve never liked the dude. I’ve got no time for arrogant people who prize intellect to the exclusion of everything else. Osiris is the kind of person who doesn’t even bother trying to explain things because the peons will never understand (See also Asher Mir, can’t stand him either for precisely this reason). He’s the kind of person who won’t delegate effectively. He can’t trust anyone else because no one else shares his brilliance so he has to do it all himself. I don’t care how much of a genius he is, the most intelligent dickhead in the world is still a dickhead.

Now, this wouldn’t be a problem in itself. I’ve got nothing against stories having unsympathetic, flawed protagonists. This is fine. What’s not fine is when the story has a narrator who is so ridiculously sympathetic, it means the meta-narrative is basically bullying the reader into liking him. Ikora’s narration is just dripping with regret and admiration for Osiris, the narrative clearly wants us to side with him but I’m just sitting here like, “No. He was irresponsible and he had no business being Vanguard Commander, he sucked at his job.” I really, really don’t like stories that try to tell me how to feel about the characters and I feel like this is what’s happening. It’s like Bungie have gone, “Here’s a really complicated, nuanced, flawed character but we don’t want your view of him to be nuanced. He’s a Good Guy!”

My other issue with him is that I find the central conflict just so damn stupid. Osiris is Vanguard but he’s not doing his Vanguard duties. This is Objectively Bad but we’re supposed to believe that it’s okay because, why? He was right about the Vex? Bullshit, he can be right about the Vex and still be a shit commander. I just don’t understand why Osiris took the job in the first place, he has nothing but contempt for the Traveler, the Speaker and the Consensus, he was never a good fit for this job so I don’t understand why he said yes to the job offer in the first place. If he said yes because of his ego but we’re still supposed to believe that he did nothing wrong? No, that’s nonsense and I’m not having it. For someone so smart, accepting the post as Vanguard Commander was staggeringly stupid and lacking in self-awareness. If you don’t have the time or the inclination to do a job, you step aside for someone who does. 

I also have some trouble with his philosophy. He claims that the Traveler is the cause of the Vex arriving in our universe and he’s demonstrably wrong on that. Okay, Osiris doesn’t have the benefit of the Books of Sorrow to know that the Vex’s arrival was down to Crota but even with out that, his views on causation are shoddy at best. If the Traveler didn’t exist, how could he possibly know the horrible things wouldn’t have arrived in any case? Just because the Traveler’s arrival in antecedent, that doesn’t mean it’s causative. For someone so smart, you’d think he’d be able to make that philosophical distinction. Okay, yes, it’s likely that hostile life forms would chase the Traveler because they want its power, that makes sense but that doesn’t necessarily make the Traveler’s motives nefarious. Osiris is clearly unfamiliar with the concept of reciprocity, that it’s generally considered morally correct to help those who help you. He obviously doesn’t give a shit about imperatives either. The Guardians are in a position to fight evil so they should, because it’s the right thing to do regardless of the Traveler. But no, he’d rather spread empirically and ethically shoddy nonsense about the Traveler. 

He’s also a hypocrite. He complains that his cult are blindly stupid followers, he rails at Saint about how the consensus doesn’t allow dissent but his response to Ikora’s questioning of him is always the same: Have faith in me. Faith in the Speaker and the Traveler? Bad. Faith in Osiris? Good. Like, fuck off dude. 

I’m sorry but his reasons for ignoring the looming Fallen threat make no sense to me. Yes, Osiris, we get it, the Vex are bad. But as Ikora rightly says, there are lots of bad things. Saying that they might die out where the vex won’t is the such a fucking ridiculous response. “Oh, the Fallen might become extinct.” Yeah. They might. Doesn’t make a blind bit of difference if they trash the City and murder all of humanity before that happens. There are innumerable threats and a good Vanguard Commander has to be able to juggle all of them. So not only can he not manage his time or delegate effectively, he can’t prioritise either. Dude needs to go on business management training to learn how, for real. For the most intelligent person in the system he does and says some incredibly stupid things. 

He has so many faults but this narrative wants us to overlook them because Ikora said so.

And then there’s the characterisation of the Speaker. Oh boy. Oh boy oh boy. I don’t know why they did this. After the D2 campaign the outpouring of love for him was pretty universal so to see them going int his direction with his character really hurts. He went from a kindly, paternal spiritual leader to a straight up book burning fascist. Like, that’s extreme Bungie. Yes, there is a strong religious element to the Speaker’s philosophy and he probably doesn’t like that being undermined but I think they’re over-egging the pudding just a teensy weensy bit here. He’s so completely unsympathetic in this issue it’s hard to believe it’s the same man. It’s never explained exactly what is so heretical in these prophecies either. We’re just supposed to take it on faith (ha) that the speaker is being unreasonable. He wants to go full on dictator because of Reasons, basically. The reader is never told why, exactly. I really hope that’s expanded on in subsequent issues because at the moment it just isn’t good enough. Furthermore, remember how devastated Ikora was when the Speaker was taken by the Red Legion? I just can’t see her getting that emotionally invested in someone who burns books and suppressed knowledge. It’s so inconsistent.  I really don’t understand why they did this with the Speaker.

Oh wait, no, I do. They did it in a clumsily obvious attempt to make Osiris seem sympathetic in comparison. I mean, why write a sympathetic character when you can just make a shitty character look good in comparison to REALLY shitty ones, right? This is not good writing.

I wanted to like this, people, I really did. I’m so stoked about the idea of more fleshed out Lore, actually seeing characters we’ve only heard about in grimoire but oh boy, I am not here for this perpetual white-washing of Osiris’ flaws. It bugged me in The Curse of Osiris campaign and it’s just been compounded here. we were promised a dangerous man, we got misunderstood Battle Santa. 

The only thing that could possibly get me through this nonsense is seeing Ikora as an incredibly unreliable narrator.