#I got SO many good recs I couldn’t get to them all today

[alarrylarrie]

How was the new music you listened to today?? Anything you would go back to? I’m always looking for some new stuff 👀

Oh my gosh yes! I really enjoyed The Snuts and Fletcher’s albums. I went and listened to Joy Oladokun because someone suggested it and I adore her. I also started on Luke’s album but then I had to drive my kiddo and they have vastly different tastes from me lol so we listened to their playlist. 😆 So I’ll come back to that one later.

On the way home I listened to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs new album because I had totally missed the drop and I really liked it! Tomorrow I’m gonna listen to bad bunny while I clean, I think.

[silentglassbreak]

This is about to be SO self indulgent but 🤫

Name: Kelly. Nickname: Kells. Pet names: sweetheart, baby. Female. Brown hair, hazel eyes. Always rosy cheeks.

Scenario: You’re best friends with Ruffilo, you call him to pick you up. It’s your birthday, and you’re at a bar with your girlfriends. Noah, who you’re also close with via Nick, answers Nick’s phone instead, comes to pick you up. You’re not drunk, at most you’re a little tipsy, but somehow you start rambling about how you’ve always wanted to try the birthday tradition of an orgasm for every year you’ve been alive. (You’re lucky if you go more than 10.) “Is that what you want? Because I didn’t get you a present.” Cue filthy sex and yes, Noah being a munch. More of a friends with benefits type vibe, no confessed feelings. Still affectionate though, he obviously cares about you and wants to make you feel good. Aftercare and cuddles!!!! Lots of praise!!!! But also he has such a filthy mouth akdkksjd

This is filthy I KNOW forgive me 😭 hank you!!!!!!

Let's switch it up, shall we? This one's from Noah's perspective.

After Writing Notes: No plot. No development. Just...orgasms. I hope you enjoy!

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Oral (fem rec), dirty talk, PnV, a word that makes me cringe to say, let alone write....

Anything More Than Human

If these motherfuckers didn't shut up soon, I was going to lose my entire fucking mind. All I wanted, our first day back from tour, was to sit in my room, relax, and play fucking Overwatch. That was unbearably difficult to do when all of my dickhead brothers decided today was the best day to throw a God damn party, celebrating the end of the tour. You would think that, given I was the owner of the house, that they’d respect my want for space.

It didn’t help at all that I hadn’t told them they couldn’t, but that was just my overwhelming need to please – which Jolly gave me shit for constantly. So what the fuck?!

I had tried to focus, keeping music blasting through my headset, and focusing on my computer screen. However, the music they played downstairs was shaking the walls of the house, making it nearly impossible to ignore. After the sixth game that I had fucked off from lack of concentration, I finally got so agitated that I threw my headset at my keyboard, cursing out of frustration. It was maddening, and truly, giving me a migraine.

Giving up hope of any type of relief, I stood up, pulling a shirt over my head, and took a deep breath before exiting my room. I didn’t want to take my irritation out on the guys, or any of the many guests they had invited over. It wasn’t their faults. They just needed to blow off some steam. We just all had different ways of doing that.

Heading downstairs, eyes scanning the living room, I took note of the thick cloud of smoke hanging in the air. I could smell the pot before I saw it, but it still made my jaw tick. I just had that couch cleaned.

Straying directly into the kitchen, I huffed while pulling the fridge open, ignoring the lingering bodies around the countertop with drinks in their hands. I was certain they had noticed me, but I couldn’t even begin to care less. Pulling a water from the shelf, I heard the back door sliding open.

“Hey! I didn’t expect you to come down all night!” Folio’s voice was thick with alcohol, words slurring together slightly.

I turned around to face him. “Yeah, well, I couldn’t focus on my game.”

He nodded, bumping my shoulder with his own. “Sorry man. You should come outside. Jolly got the fire pit going, and there’s at least six girls hanging around asking about you.”

I rolled my eyes. “Nah man, I’m going to watch a movie or something.”

“Ah c’mon, Noah. We just got home! We should be having fun!”

I swallowed a large gulp of water, wiping my lips off with the back of my hand. “That is fun to me, man.”

He shook his head. “How long has it been?”

I knew what he was asking, but playing dumb was too easy. “Since…?”

The shrill sound of a phone ringing pulled my attention from him momentarily, and I noticed an iPhone on the other side of the counter lit up.

“Since you got laid?”

I snorted. “Not that long. Like, three months?”

It was Folio’s turn to let his eyes roll back. “You talking about that thing with Moriah? Dude, that doesn’t fucking count.”

Before the ringing could have stopped for a full thirty seconds, it started again. “Sure it did!”

“Oh please, you didn’t even fuck her!”

Chuckling, I shoved him. “Head counts, dude.”

“Not unless you’re the one getting it, it doesn’t.” Folio pointed at me as if he had made the most valid point.

I scoffed. “Says you, fetus.”

He cracked up at this. Before he could say more, both of us were distracted by the phone ringing again.

“Whose fucking phone is ringing?” I scanned around the room, searching for the owner of the cell that was nearly exploding.

“Uh, I think that’s Nick’s?”

I snatched it off the counter, seeing the name flashing.

It was Kelly. That was odd. She should be here, I would think?

Making my way out the back door where Nick was, I took note of the girl in his lap, currently pressing her breasts so far in his face, he was practically inside of her bra. I walked up behind him, bumping his shoulder with my hand.

“Hey, bro. Kelly’s blowing you up.”

Nick just cocked his head up to look at me. “I’m kind of in the middle of something here?”

I just smacked him harder. “Dude, she’s calling back to back, it’s probably important.” I looked at the screen as it darkened, and looked back to Nick. “Why isn’t she here?”

He was back to his business between the unnamed girls’ tits when he answered. “She went out with Savannah and Erica for her birthday.”

His phone lit up again, her name flashing on the screen. “Are you going to answer it?”

He dismissed me. “I’ll call her back.”

Sighing hard, I stepped away, further into the backyard where the music wasn’t blaring so loudly. I swiped the call open, and put it up to my left ear, plugging my right with a finger.

“Hello?”

“Nick?!” Her voice was borderline frantic.

“It’s Noah. Nick’s, uh,” I chanced a glance back at him, seeing he was lip-locked with the blonde. “he’s busy. What’s up, dude?”

“I need a ride. Bad.” She sounded wrecked.

“What’s wrong, Kells? Where are you?”

“I’m at Shaughnessy’s on 22nd. I need to go home.”

My legs began carrying me toward the house. “Okay, stay there. I’ll be there in ten minutes, alright?”

“Thank you, Noah. I’ll be outside.”

-

The bar was overflowing with patrons. Men and clearly drunk girls were littering the sidewalk around the building. My eyes scanned for Kelly, but couldn’t see her. It wasn’t until I rounded the corner that I could see her deep brown hair from behind a bulky guy, towering over her. Kelly wasn’t the shortest girl around, but this guy was easily as tall as I was. The look on her face told me she was not happy to be there.

Finding a space on the street, I pulled in, ignoring the meter, and stepped out of my car.

“I’m telling you, honey, my place is like a five-minute walk. We can go there, have something to eat. I’ll take you home later.”

Her eyes held something strongly resembling fear, and her body language was closed off and uncomfortable.

That is, until she saw me. Her hazel stare met mine, and she knew she was finally getting out of this.

“Hey!” The guy turned around, red-rimmed eyes staring directly at me. “Time to go.” I addressed Kelly directly, and she slipped quickly from behind the dickhead, who looked bewildered. I held a hand out, which she took graciously.

“What the fuck?” He stared at us as I began pulling her back toward the street. “You never said you had a boyfriend!”

“Yeah, well, live and learn, asshole!” I hollered back, not giving him a second look. My fingers interlaced with hers, leading her to the passenger door of my Mazda 3, and tucked her into the car safely. Before I closed the door, I bent down, looking right at her.

“You good, sweetheart?”

She only nodded in response.

I rounded the vehicle and took my seat quickly, wasting no time pulling away from the curb. Kelly lived a good thirty minutes away, and by the look on her face, I could tell I needed to cut that back in any way I could.

Shifting into first gear, I pulled forward and we were gone, leaving the bar and it's problems behind us.

"What happened to your friends, Kells?" It occurred to me that I may have just left two more girls stranded at a crowded bar in downtown Los Angeles...

"They fucking left me!" Her words exploded out of her, which took me back. Kelly was typically calm, cool, and controlled. She rarely had outbursts of any kind.

She had definitely been drinking, however.

"Those fucking bitches! They met up with some of their guys friends that I didn't even know would be there! Ended up ditching me because I didn't want to go with them to a club." Her arms folded over her chest, a visible pout on her lips.

Kelly was adorable when she was angry, and I couldn't help but feel my chest swell.

We had known each other for six - no, seven years now, and had what one might call a semi-close relationship? Nick introduced me to her after our first headlining tour, when we passed through West Virginia, as his best friend. Their Moms were best friends growing up, so, naturally, they grew up together from near birth.

Kelly's a warm human being, and brings a serious sense of perspective and calm to the group of absolute imbeciles the guys and I tend to be. Nick and Kelly's relationship was reminiscent of siblings, and we had all grown to view her as a member of our little family. She joined us on most of our tours these days, and we moved her to Los Angeles two years ago. It was easier for her to help out with managing schedules, merch drops, and the other random things she handled for us when we were overly stressed out.

Due to her integral part of our family, she was off-limits at all times. Folio took that one the hardest, given they were the same age, and something about her drew him in. We all had the hard rules - no dating Kelly. No fucking Kelly. No making passes at Kelly. Mild flirting was as far as it ever got between her and I, and even then, it was usually in our rare moments of privacy, like now.

Did I find her attractive? Sure. Everyone did. How could you not? She was fit, and happy to show it - nearly always wearing shorts or crop tops that made it clear she worked out for a good time. Her brown hair was always hung loose, wisping around her face and messy; natural. She wore very little makeup, so her eyes were always free to shine, as they should.

My favorite thing about her, though? She had this constant natural blush over her. Her cheeks always had a tinge of pink to them, making her just look like a glow in a darkened room. A bright, fae-like creature.

It was hard to describe, but it was so fucking cute.

Typically, that's all I usually thought of Kelly; cute. Sweet. Adorable. Funny. Laid-back. Easy to talk to.

But today, on her birthday?

She was clearly aiming to turn some heads, as she was wearing short black jean shorts, a black tank top that was ripped in the center, showing just enough cleavage to make a man stare. Her hair was tightly curled, giving it volume that it normally didn't possess. Her eyes were made-up more than normal, sharp black eyeliner giving her eyes a cat-like effect. Her lipstick was black as well, making her teeth shine brightly behind it.

She looked...fucking hot.

Thinking of her outfit brought me back to the current conversation.

"How much have you had to drink?"

She shrugged then, her eyes taking on a guilty look. "Only like...two long island iced teas?"

This made me crack a smile. "That's usually the limit on those, you know."

She sheepishly grinned, her blush spreading. "Yeah, that's what the bartender told me when I tried to order another."

"Are you drunk?"

She shook her head. "I was, but fucking Josh...or Jared? I don't remember his name. He fucking killed my buzz mostly, so now I just feel kind of tired."

We were turning through the hills of the valley, the streets pitch black around us. "I'm sorry to hear that." I pursed my lips. "I'm also sorry that I forgot today was your birthday."

She waved a hand at me, dismissing my apology. "You're the worst with dates, Noah. I don't mind."

I scoffed, feigning offense. "I am not!"

This made her all-out laugh. "Noah, if your birthday wasn't on Halloween, you'd forget it every year."

Opening my mouth to speak, I stopped. Because...where was the lie?

"Well, still." I cleared my throat. "I feel bad, because I didn't get you a gift."

Her face was turned to the window. "No worries, hon. It's really no biggie."

Kelly's voice was sad and small, then. "I'll still get you something!" This made her turn her face, smiling somberly at me. "What do you want? Anything you want."

Her face scrunched up, then. The corner of her lip was turned up in a small smirk, and she shook her head.

"Nothin'. Don't worry about getting me anything."

I caught this out of the corner of my eye. "Nope, I saw that. What is it? What do you want?"

I wasn't letting this go.

"Noah, you can't get me what I want, so I will just count this ride home as my gift. Trust me, it means a lot."

Shaking my head fervently, I turned my car onto the freeway. "Nuh-uh, not happening. I'm sure I can get it somewhere, whatever it is."

This made her cackle. "It's not a thing."

Pursing my lips, I looked at her from under a raised brow. "Is it a puppy?"

Still bursting with laughter, she waved a hand at me. "No. I don't need a puppy."

"Kitty?"

"No."

"Then what is it?" I was getting frustrated. What could she possibly want? An island?!

She dropped her face in her hands. "Ugh, maybe I am still buzzed."

"Spit it out, Kells!"

"I want to get laid, okay?!" Her voice was shrill, clearly laced with embarrassment. Some kind of flood gate had unleashed, and I was too stunned to do anything about it.

"I wanted to meet someone, someone decent, and have stupid, gross, un-fucking-believable sex! I wanted to try that thing where you have an orgasm for every year? Twenty-seven is crazy, but fuck, I never ask for fucking anything! I just wanted to be fucked so hard I slept like a rock afterward and could get some of this pent-up stress out!"

The car was silent for a solid minute and a half after she finished speaking. The longer the air lingered without sound, I could see her slowly sinking further down into her seat - obviously mortified at her omission.

I finally decided to take a deep breath, letting out a small cough to disrupt the tension.

"Well," I exited the highway, now only minutes from her apartment. "then I guess it's going to be a long night, eh?"

I watched the shock strike over her features. "What?!"

Finally building the confidence I needed, I chanced a glance over at her while we sat at a red light. "I mean, I said anything you wanted, didn't I?"

She began waving her hands between us. "Oh no. No, no, no. We are not doing that."

"No? I thought you said a decent guy? Am I not?"

Her face was absolutely flabbergasted, and I felt my pants getting tighter just thinking about it.

"Of course you are, Noah. Probably the most decent guy I know. But, there's rules in place for a reason..."

"How do you know about the rules?"

She smirked then, rolling her eyes. "Folio told me."

Sucking my teeth, my vehicle started moving again, my hand gripping the shifter. "Well, rules are meant to be broken, right?"

"Noah..." Her eyes were bulging. "You can't just sleep with me because I'm desperate. That's just sad."

"Excuse me?" We were pulled into her complex now, my car idling in the parking space facing her building. "What did you say?"

Her head hung, then. She was still embarrassed, but now she looked depressed as well.

"I know you and I aren't like that. I don't want you suffering through something like that with me, just because I'm hard up."

Scoffing loudly, I turned my body to look at her, a finger lifting to pull her chin up so she could look at me. "Baby," Her eyes finally met mine. "make no mistake at all, I would've fucked you years ago, had I been allowed."

There's that blush again. I let my finger fall, tracing down her chest as it did, catching the rips in her shirt.

"Maybe you are hard up." I let my lids fall half-closed, admiring that her breasts bounced slowly when her breathing was erratic like this. "Maybe I am too." I looked back up at her, letting my teeth pull at the skin of my bottom lip. "Maybe it was for the best that I picked up the phone, and not Nick?"

Her lips were parted, and I could tell she was entranced.

Oh, this was going to be fun.

-

Not to sound self-absorbed, but I can be very persuasive. One of my best, and most redeeming qualities is definitely the art of charm. In all fairness, it didn't take very long to convince Kelly that her needs were due to be met, but I had melted her like butter in seconds after we entered her apartment. Clothes flew quickly, hands grabbing everywhere, and nervous giggles escaping the both of us when the harsh reality would sink in of exactly what we were doing.

I, of course, checked to ensure she was sober enough to enjoy our fun responsibly, and asked her to drink some water before we got started. I wanted her to remember this birthday. I also planned to dehydrate the hell out of her.

That is how I found myself buried between her bare thighs, her ass perched comfortably on her dining room table, tits jumping as her hips bucked against my face. My tongue was drawing some of the most lovely sounds out of her. Her head had fallen back, curls cascading down her back, eyes closed in absolute pleasure.

My index and middle finger worked inside of her, walls clenching around me as her first orgasm hit her, making her curse my name multiple times.

After her legs had calmed their shaking, I stood in front of her, my shirt discarded on the floor, and assessed her state. She looked absolutely blissed out, her eyes half-masked, and a lazy grin painting her face.

"Wow." Was all she managed. Her black lipstick had smeared slightly, and tears were pulling her eyeliner down her cheeks.

"One down." I breathed out, wiping my chin with the back of my hand.

Her back fell back on the table, legs dangling off of the edge. "Noah," She chuckled. "we don't have to do what I had said. That was me being insane."

She wasn't looking at me anymore, so she completely missed me slipping my wallet from my pocket, pulling out the condom, and sheathing it over my erection, stroking it over.

"No?" My hands grabbed her hips, snatching her forward so she was halfway off of the table. Her head snapped up to look at me, startled. "Cause I was planning to see how far we'd get."

Nudging her entrance, I saw her eyes blow wide, mouth hanging open.

"Unless you don't want to?" I stilled, checking her face for protest.

She said nothing, teeth catching her bottom lip. I dared to press in, and her eyes fluttered closed again, head falling back with a thud on the table.

"Holy fuck." It came out as a prayer off of her lips, and I smiled, satisfied at the tight squeeze of her around me. I pressed all the way in to the hilt, my own body spasming from the sensation.

"Jesus Christ, baby. I had no idea you could take cock this fucking good."

I watched her chest rise and fall, nipples perk and begging for attention. I reached a hand up, rolling one between my fingers.

"So fucking beautiful, sweetheart."

Her pussy clenched down around me as I spoke to her, and I raised an eyebrow. "Oh?" She glanced at me, looking sheepish again. "You like that, baby? Like hearing how much of a good little slut you are?"

Kelly let out the softest moan I had ever heard, her body flooding at the same time. My hips started snapping rhythmically, keeping an even pace.

I leaned down, letting my mouth close around her nipple, tongue circling it and teeth nipping it.

"You pictured this before, haven't you?" I let my lips trail up to her neck, breathing into her skin. "Me pounding into you? Fucking you until there's nothing left?"

She was almost catatonic at the pleasure she was experiencing, and I couldn't deny how close I was getting, sliding in and out of her wet lips. I felt myself beginning to tighten, and the coil in my belly threatening to snap. She had to come again, that was the entire goal.

Standing straight, my hand reached for her clit, thumb circling it expertly. That's when the real screaming began.

"That's it, baby. Show me how much you love it. Let everyone hear it."

Her hips shook, trying desperately to meet my thrusts while I touched her.

She tightened again, and I knew she had finished. Fortunately, my own orgasm came rolling over me at the same time.

I fucked her through the waves of euphoria, sliding her back on the table so she wouldn't fall.

It took me a moment to gather my breathing before I was able to slide the condom off and dispose of it in the garbage. I noticed she had lifted herself off of the table, standing in front of it and gathering her melted thoughts, working on her breathing.

Coming up behind her, I circled her waist, moving hair off of her neck, and leaned into her. "Hey," My voice was a whisper. She hummed at me in return. "you okay?"

She nodded, leaning her had back on my chest. "More than okay."

Grinning, I nuzzled my nose into her neck behind her ear. "Let's get you in a shower."

I led her to the bathroom, starting the water and waiting for it to warm up. She stood, scrutinizing her face in the mirror.

"I look like hell, dude." Was all she managed to say. This made me snicker.

"You look like you just got fucking railed."

This made her burst in laughter, holding onto the counter for support. "I mean...you're not wrong." She pointed a finger at me.

Opening the curtain, I motioned for her to get into the water, and I followed suit. She let her head sit under the spray, saturating her dark hair. I leaned against the tile wall, giving her space. Kelly went to work washing her face, scrubbing the makeup off, leaving only a trace of a shadow underneath from her mascara.

She then washed her hair, conditioning, and ran her loofah over her body. I took note of how she tenderly cleaned herself between her legs, likely due to sensitivity. Was I proud? One-hundred percent.

I waited until she was all rinsed and relaxed, before I stepped behind her, running my palm down her back, tracing the scattered tattoos she had. Her body leaned into my touch, and I used the opportunity to pull her into me, leaning her against me. I found this to be most comfortable for her, given the height difference between us.

I brought myself close to her ear, my voice low. "So, I've gotten two out of you, right?"

I caught her smile from the corner of my eye. "Three."

"Ah," I licked the side of her neck softly. "well, I've still got a lot of ground to cover."

She didn't respond, so I let my hand trail down her stomach, reaching her swollen lips, spreading them with my fingers.

"Also," I didn't stop my work, slipping a finger in as gently as possible to not overstimulate her. "I didn't know you had a praise kink."

Letting out a breathless laugh, she pressed her weight into me, allowing me full access. "There's a lot I don't tell you."

"That's so sexy, baby." My finger massaged her sweet spot, pulling pants out of her with each stroke. "Knowing you like to hear how good you are. How beautiful," I quickened the pace. "how amazing," I pressed in further, making her groan. "and fucking tight."

"Ugh, Noah. That feels so amazing." She had a hand gripping the back of my neck, fingernails digging into the skin.

"You going to come for me, just like this, sweetheart? Make it this easy for me?" My hand sped up, her voice high-pitched and desperate for more.

"Noah, don't stop. Please. That's so fucking good."

"Going to come all over me, baby? Come on, girl. You can do it. I've got you." My arm pulled her waist closer to me, taking on her body weight so she could focus.

"Fuck, I'm coming, fuck..."

I felt the spray of her release on my hand, and I slipped my fingers out, pressing on her clit, forcing a scream from somewhere deep in her chest.

"God damn, baby. Did you just squirt for me? Didn't know you could do that." Amazed, I palmed her pussy, massaging it through the aftershocks of her orgasm.

"Ha, me neither." She seemed just as surprised as me.

"Mm," I left a soft slap over her clit, making her jump. "well, let's see if we can do it again."

Without warning, I pulled her down, bringing us down into the tub, the spray of the shower still hitting us, turning colder as the seconds passed. She laid on my body, my re-hardened cock pressing up into her back. Her hands braced on my knees, and I used a hand to open her legs, running the tips of my fingers through her slick folds. Soft whimpering noises were falling out of her; her body completely turning over to me for whatever I had planned for her.

Mercilessly, I penetrated her with two fingers, my other hand gripping her hair at the base of her skull so I could wrench her neck to the side, biting down on the soft skin.

"You've got this, baby girl. Give me another, you can do it."

Kelly's fingertips were bruising my legs where she gripped, eyes rolling back violently while her back arched. She was hitting an edge, so I pulled my hand out suddenly, and circled the hood of her clit, eliciting a sickening, guttural sound out of her.

"N-Noah..." Fighting for breath, she writhed under me. "I...need to..."

"You don't need anything, baby. Nothing but me." I whispered directly in her ear.

Her hips bucked up, climax hitting her, and I could feel her pulse through my fingers, still pressing on her pussy.

"Noah, I can't take anymore. I really can't." She was begging for reprieve, and was lucky I was feeling generous.

Peppering her shoulder and arm with soft kisses, I ran my hands up her sides. "No problem, baby. Let's go get comfortable."

After we both redressed, me back into my original clothes, her into her pajamas, we found a comfortable spot on her couch. I sat, legs apart, pulled her down between them, tucking her comfortably against my chest. She curled into me, exhausted and buzzing from our evening together. The effects of the alcohol had long worn off.

"You doing okay, Kells?"

She mumbled into my chest, already sounding half-gone. "Mhm." She yawned, a small sound. "Sleepy."

"Why don't we get you in bed?" I smirked, rubbing circles into her back. "Unless you want more?"

I felt her shiver underneath me. "I can't. I might have a stroke if I have another orgasm."

This made me snicker, pulling her head back into me.

"This is a secret?"

She didn't audibly respond, just pulled back and looked at me, a pleading look on her face.

I wasn't bothered by that, per se. Would I like to brag to my boys a little about it? Sure. Did I get the slightest heaviness at the idea of her not wanting anyone to know what we did? Maybe.

But, at the end of the day, I respected her enough to know that keeping this friendship meant much more to her than five orgasms.

Turning my mouth upward, I ran a thumb over her cheek, meeting her lips that I managed to keep away from the entire night.

Kissing felt like...too much?

"My lips are sealed, sweetheart."

Satisfied with that, she cuddled back into me, and it took no time at all before I heard the soft snores of her slumber. Once I was sure she was down deep enough, I lifted her from the couch, careful to keep her head steady against me, and trekked into her bedroom.

Setting her gently down, I pulled the covers over her, and took one last look. Her face was so peaceful. So comfortable.

Some kind of something sparked inside me, but it didn't matter. It was time to go.

Locking her doorknob on the way out, I took the steps two at a time on the way down, yawning while I climbed into my car.

My phone buzzed in the console, and that was when I realized I had left it there in my haste. Nick's face flashed on the screen, and I swiped the call open.

"Hey dude, what's up?"

"Did you pick up Kelly?"

I couldn't stop the grin that spread, but he couldn't see that. "I did."

A hard sigh of relief came through the receiver. "Thank fuck, dude. I saw her texts just now. You good, man? It's been hours."

Starting my car, I let the call switch to my Bluetooth as I backed out of the space. "Yep, all good here."

Nick's voice was skeptical. "Where are you?"

"Headed home. Just wanted to make sure she got to bed okay. She had been drinking."

"Ah, okay. She's okay?"

My teeth shined, and my eyes stared back at me with a dark, beaming gaze in the rearview mirror.

"Oh, yeah. She's just fine."

[amaretigris]

I noticed you haven’t done any one shots of Prince Eric in a while and I appreciate the Jonah one shots you’ve made but I was wondering that maybe you could make a one shot that has Prince Eric in it whether it either fluff or smut. It doesn’t matter to me with whatever you choose and you don’t have to do this request if you don’t want too, it’s just a suggestion that I have for you if you actually decide that you feel like doing a one shot for Prince Eric.

Hi sweets! 🥰 I always appreciate your requests; they give me the motivation to keep writing, so thank you 💖 This is a Modern AU idea I've had for Prince Eric for a while now. I hope you like it!

It is pure fluff but if you like it I could probably add a second part, smut included 😝 (Sorry it took me a couple days, work has been crazy.) Please enjoy! 🫶

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Waves

1.8k words | Pure fluff

⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙˙ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙˙ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙˙ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙˙ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙˙ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙˙ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙˙ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙˙ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅

You had always been drawn to the water, for as long as you can remember. You started swimming at a young age and from that point on, it was rare to find you out of the pool. Your parents called you a fish in the water. Once you began competitive swimming, the rest was history. You won many championships and trophies, which eventually led to a scholarship at a university with a prestigious women’s swim team. You couldn’t be happier that all your hard work and time in the water had paid off.

Settling into your new life on campus for the past year was great. You’d made friends with fellow swimmers and classmates, but you generally kept to yourself. The Director of the Campus Recreation Office was a family friend, named Sebastian, who saw you a lot due to your strict swim schedule. You talked to him almost every day and you knew that he looked out for you and helped you where he could.

Walking into the Rec Center carrying your swim cap and goggles, you waved to the Locker Room attendant. He was also a swimmer and his friends called him Flounder.

“Good afternoon, Flounder,” you smiled.

Flounder’s face perked up as he looked away from his computer and met your eyes.

“Hey, (Y/N)! You ready to do your laps? You know we’re still going to race, right? I’ll show you who’s really a fish in the water,” he smirked.

You laughed at his playfulness. He was a freshman at the college and eager to prove his talent, but he always motivated you to do your best.

“Anytime, any day,” you teased as you poked your tongue out at him before turning into the locker room.

Smiling to yourself as you changed and put on your gear, you grabbed your towel and headed out to the pool. You saw Sebastian as you approached the pool, talking to another swimmer - most likely giving them pointers. You quietly set your towel down on the bench and slipped off your shoes to dive in.

Sebastian turned to you when he heard you splash in.

“(Y/N)! Good to see you, girl. How’s your father doing?”

You made a show of rolling your eyes before you answered.

“He’s good, Sebastian. Same as always. He makes sure I’m following my swim schedule, like he’s King Triton or something,” you joked.

Sebastian laughed.

“Well, you can’t blame him for that. He wants to see you succeed. And if he’s King Triton, you’re one of his mermaid daughters,” he mused, putting a finger to his chin in thought.

“True enough,” he decided.

“Listen, (Y/N), I’ve actually got a favor to ask you. When you get done here today, would you mind running across campus to pick up some gear from a student on the Varsity Sailing Team? He borrowed it last week and wants to return it, but he said he needs someone to help him carry it down here. You know how my schedule here is - I can’t leave during operating hours.”

You looked at Sebastian, confused, as you continued to tread water.

“What do you mean? He doesn’t have a friend to help him carry it down here?”

Sebastian shrugged.

“Ahh, doesn’t sound like it. I didn’t want to press the issue. He seems like a nice guy, I think he’s just a bit of a loner. Sound familiar?”

Sebastian looked at you pointedly. You rolled your eyes for real this time as you put your arms up on the lip of the pool.

“Why can’t Flounder do it?”

Sebastian scoffed.

“The kid is still pretty new and getting used to the campus. You’re a sophomore now, I figured you’d have an easier time finding it. C’mon kid, what’s the harm in talking to one new person?”

Sebastian put his hand out and lightly squeezed your swim cap. Deciding that you owed Sebastian enough to do him this one favor, you breathed a sigh of defeat.

“Ugh, fine. Just give me the dorm number.”

Finishing your swim routine, you got dressed in the locker room and grabbed the dorm number from Flounder at the front desk on your way out. Looking down at the paper in your hand, you breathed another sigh. Your hair was wet and wavy from the water and you smelled like chlorine. You just wanted to get this over with as fast as possible; meeting new people wasn’t exactly your forte.

Walking up the stairs, you worked up your courage. This should only take 10 or 15 minutes. No big deal. Stopping at the room of the dorm, you looked down at the paper one last time before you folded it and slipped it in your pocket. You lightly knocked on the door. You waited for a second before the door swung open. Blinking your eyes, you realized that you were face to face with a man’s chest. Taking a step back and looking up, you were met with the brightest blue eyes you’d ever seen.

The dark-haired man in front of you was peering down with a smile, dimples dotting his cheeks.

“Hi. You must be the one Sebastian sent to help me tote this equipment back to the Rec Center. My name is Eric,” he said cheerfully, extending his hand forward for you to shake.

Hesitantly taking his hand and giving it a quick shake, you looked down at your feet.

“Hi. Yes, I’m here to help. My name is (Y/N).”

Noticing your demeanor, Eric stepped back and extended his arm for you to enter the room.

“Thank you. The equipment is just inside my door here. I’ll go get the rolling cart so that it’ll be easier for us, but we’ll still have to carry a few things. Sorry about this, I couldn’t exactly push the cart and carry everything by myself.”

Meeting his eyes again, you nodded as he walked past you and down the hall. How weird that he was trusting enough to leave you in his room, you thought. Shrugging to yourself, you stepped into the room and looked around. It was ocean themed, which was not exactly what you were expecting. But, then again, he was on the sailing team. Walking to his bookshelf, your finger skimmed the spines of books about sailing, navigation, and even a book on the constellations.

Turning to look in the corner, you started picking up the ring buoys and rescue boards. You soon heard Eric rolling the flatbed cart into the room. He smiled at you before loading the rescue boards onto the cart with the sail repair kit.

Eric pushed the full cart back out the door and turned to you.

“Are you ready? I think that’s everything. We can start wheeling this down.”

Nodding with your arms holding buoys, you followed him through the door and closed it behind you. The two of you rode the elevator down. Pushing the cart across the vast university courtyard, Eric looked to his side, at you.

“You look familiar. I feel like I’ve seen you around.”

He pursed his lips, thinking.

“Oh! You’re a swimmer, aren’t you? I’ve seen you at the Rec Center. You’re like a mermaid in the water,” he complimented, looking at you with a lop-sided grin.

You felt your cheeks flush as you cleared your throat.

“Thanks. Yeah, I’m a swimmer. I’m on a pretty strict routine so I’m at the Rec Center a lot.”

Nodding, Eric looked back at your hair.

“You’ve already been swimming today, huh? Your hair’s wet.”

You smiled, nodding at him.

“I think we’re a lot alike. I’ve always been drawn to the water. But sailing is different than swimming. I’m hopeless when I’m submerged,” he laughed.

Your curiosity peaked.

“You never took swimming lessons?”

Eric nodded his head and huffed a breath.

“Yes, I’m just terrible at it. I’ve seen you swim, you’re so comfortable and smooth in the water. I’m the opposite of that.”

Giggling, you shook your head, wondering how someone could be so uncomfortable in water.

“Well, if you ever need, I could give you lessons in my spare time.”

Eric looked at you with a smile plastered on his face, dimples on full display.

“Really? That would be wonderful. Thank you. And thank you again for your help with this stuff. I don’t really have anyone here that would be willing to help me like this.”

Smiling at him, you decided to ask another bold question.

“You don’t have guys on the sail team that would help?”

You heard Eric sigh, and you hoped you hadn’t probed too far.

“No,” he quietly spoke. “I love sailing, but the team is…different. We don’t have the same interests.”

You furrowed your brows and nodded. You understood that feeling. Finally reaching the other side of the expansive courtyard, Eric pushed the cart up the handicap ramp with you following behind him.

Walking up the sidewalk to the building, you reached some uneven pavement and tripped, throwing the buoys from your arms in an attempt to catch yourself. You felt a strong arm loop around your waist, pulling you upright.

You blinked and looked at Eric, feeling your cheeks heat up.

“Uh, thanks,” you squeaked.

Eric had abandoned the cart and placed both of his hands on your upper arms, looking you over for injuries.

“No problem, are you alright?”

You nodded, still in a daze. You felt like your skin was burning where he had touched you, even under your clothes. Eric helped you pick up the ring buoys, placed them carefully back in your arms, and returned to push the cart the remaining distance to the building.

You pushed the door open and Flounder’s face lit up when he saw you again.

“(Y/N), back so soon?”

You smiled at him as Eric rolled the equipment in.

“Ah, Eric! Thank you for returning this. Sebastian will be happy,” he smiled cheekily at Eric.

Following the two of them to the storage room, you set the buoys down on a shelf. The two guys were talking, and you saw your opportunity to take your leave. You made it down the hall and out the doors of the building before Eric ran to catch up with you.

“(Y/N)! Wait!”

Eric shouted as he jogged to the stairs to meet you.

“You left before I could thank you. I turned around and you were gone. It’s like someone has to nail your fins to the floor,” he teased.

You looked at him with an amused smile.

“Sorry, but you’ve already thanked me. Several times, in fact,” you teased right back.

Rubbing his neck sheepishly, Eric seemed a little nervous.

“A-Actually, I was going to ask for your number. You know, for those swimming lessons you offered.”

You smiled and held your hand out. Blinking at you and looking down at your hand, the realization hit Eric, and he pulled out his phone to hand it over. You saw him run a hand through his black curls. You smiled, putting your number in his phone, with the mermaid emoji next to your name. When you handed it back to him, Eric looked at his phone and smiled.

“Thanks. My little mermaid.”

[sitp-recs]

HP Rec Fest, Day 27

Omg day 27 already?! I can’t believe this fest is almost done :( today’s prompt for @hprecfest is fun but also challenging for those (like me) who read way more canon-based fic than AUs. But I do love a good challenge so I decided to go full non-magical AU instead of picking a “Draco in the Muggle World” AU. And since I’ve been sick in bed with a lot of time in my hands I thought why not rec 2 Drarry fics + 1 rare pair. As you’ll see I love rivals to lovers a normal amount so that naturally makes Sports AU my absolute obsession jam. I’m so happy to include in one single post an old fave, a recent fave and my favourite rare pair. Run don’t walk!

Day 27) a Muggle-AU fic:

Drarry

🏒 Mad Blood Stirring by provocative_envy (E, 3k)

It's not like they've been angrily hooking up on the sly since meeting at a Juniors skills camp in fucking Manitoba four years ago, except that's exactly what they've been doing. ALTERNATIVELY: Draco and Harry really need to talk about their feelings.

fucking finally, the perfect excuse to cheekily include my fave sports/non-magical AUs and scream non-stop about them! I couldn’t care less for hockey, and yet I’ve reread this classic more times than I care to admit. this is superb rivals with benefits to lovers (my fave!), super hot and hilariously chaotic as all Drarry things should be. PE nails both characters in a non-magical setting perfectly - their voices are a delight and the constant flirting bickering made me lol every 3 seconds. they are so deliciously crazy for each other I could stay in this verse forever just watching them pine, play & fuck throughout the season - make sure to go check the FlintWood piece here, it’s equally brilliant! def a classic sports AU to reread over and over.

🚣‍♀️ Our Objective Remains Unchanged by @citrusses (E, 46k)

Harry Potter, returning member of the Oxford University Boat Club, has two goals for the spring of 2005: beat Cambridge, and beat Draco Malfoy. Perhaps not in that order.

an instant 2023 fave, this is the rowing AU I did not know I needed but boy, am I happy it found me 🙏🏼 citrus got me shooketh from beginning to end, I am awed by the world building and the whole Oxford way of life especially the classism aspect and the training ethos. everything is so vivid and refreshing and unlike anything I’ve seen in the fandom so far. the fic incorporates many canon elements and balances dialogue, world building and character development flawlessly. being in Harry’s head is an emotional ride, he’s a wonderful and relatable character and I just wanted him to be happy so badly. Draco’s arc is equally moving (I was screaming at his reappearance) and this is peak rivals to lovers!!! I was very invested in the competition and the romance is so so lovely and real. I felt incredibly sad and lost when I finished this fic because I wanted to stay in this universe forever. fun, inventive, sophisticated and surprising in the best ways, go read it now

Rare pair

Shut Up and Kiss Me by @unmistakablyoatmeal (Harry/Teddy, E, 7.7k)

There's a reason Harry walks an extra ten blocks to go to the shops and it has nothing to do with onions.

smitten Harry my beloved!!!! I’m so weak for this ship and this shop AU is the cutest thing you’ll read today, I love swooning Harry daydreaming about Teddy and being an absolute dork around him. it’s so funny (and mildly embarrassing) to watch him pine over this cool, charming, and confident young Teddy who’s not afraid to get what he wants 🌝 the clubbing scene deserves special kudos for its depiction of ageism in queer spaces and how older folks sometimes struggle to fit in. for all their differences I love how Harry and Teddy instantly click, the casual-not-so-casual flirting flows smoothly between them until the UST breaks with deliciously hot smut as per sdk’s usual. a sweet AU to check before the year ends!

[i-eat-worlds]

Wow Birthday Whump Day 5: Alt. Bridal Carry and “No!”

This is a fun one :) Teri whump!

Content: discussions and fear of death, brief hospital setting, severe illness, medic caretaker,

Teri smiled as Avia shuffled the cards, ignoring the pain pulsing in her head. The calm noise of the rec room buzzed around them, heroes playing thrilling games of air hockey and Mario Kart behind them. Avia had complained about a “post mission high,” and Teri wasn’t feeling super great, so they had opted for something calmer.

“Cut the cards.” They offered her the deck, narrowing their eyes. “Are you okay?”

She scrubbed her face. “Nothing. Probably caffeine.”

Avia took the deck back, dealt five cards to her, then five cards to herself, and placed it in the center of the table. Teri flipped the first card over, revealing a six of hearts. “You should probably lay off that stuff.”

“Yeah. But it tastes good.” She discarded a six of spades.

They snickered. “Fair enough.”

Teri sighed, drawing three more cards until they got one they could play. A moment of silence passed. “That was one hell of a job though.”

“Yeah. How many new baddies were there?” They grumbled something under their breath, realizing they couldn’t play.

“Seven or eight? To many.” She slapped down another card. Her stomach twisted, but she kept the discomfort off her face.

“Fuck,” they muttered, drawing another four cards. “I think they’re scraping the bottom of the barrel on the name front too.”

“Oh absolutely.” She smirked, ridding herself of a three of spades. “What was that one guy called- “The vaposquasher” or something?”

“I don’t know. There's too many of them to keep track of.” Her hand was starting to get stretched thin, keeping a hold of all of the cards.

“Yeah.” They lapsed into silence. The full day had lapped up their energy quite a bit, and they were both tired.

Her heart fluttered a little, discomfort flaring in her chest, and she made a face. Definitely too much caffeine then.

“You sure you’re alright?” Avia said, filling her hand with two more cards.

She nodded, using two fingers to flip over the last card in her hand, a queen of spades. “I know I’m alright.” She brought it down triumphantly. “I believe that makes me the winner.”

Avia gave her a look. “Pride comes before the fall, Teri.” They started to reshue their cards back into the deck, preparing for another round. “I’ll get you next time.”

The vibrating in her chest flared again, and she could feel her heart pounding double time. Her vision lurched, the room whirling around her for a moment. “Um, I think I’m going to go to bed.” She looked down at her watch. “Maybe the telekinesis did more than I thought today.”

“I’ll come with then. We all know I should be getting more sleep anyway.” They slid the cards back into their packaging. Teri stood up, trying not to wobble too much. Though they didn’t say anything, she could feel Avia behind her, ready to catch her just in case.

They made it to the elevator without issue, but halfway up, Teri found herself swaying again. The bright, reflective box was spinning, and the railing was unhelpful in that regard. She could feel it closing in on her, the walls narrowing, and she turned to Avia, frantically trying to get her to understand that something was wrong. Black dots filled her vision and she went limp, collapsing into Avia’s chest.

Eventually, she came too with her head pressed against Avia’s chest, arms positioned under her knees and upper back. The world felt like molasses, still gooey and unstable as she lifted her head up. “Hi ‘via.”

Avia looked relieved. “You’re awake.”

She nodded a little. “I need ‘oseph…” Her heart was still thundering in her chest. “Something’s wrong..”

“I’m getting you to him.” She turned the corner, trying not to jostle Teri too much.

“Oh..thank you….” Teri’s head bounced against Avia’s chest.

“I’ve got cha’.” They arrived outside of the door, and Avia pushed it open with her foot.

She charged straight through the foyer, laying Teri out on the couch. “Joseph?” Her voice carried through the apartment as he looked around for him.

“What do you need, Avia?” He walked down the hallway, steps quickening when he saw Teri laying on the couch. Judging from the basketball shorts and slippers, he had been about five minutes from going to bed. “What happened?”

“I don’t know. She passed out in the elevator.” Avai looked at him frantically.

“I’ll look her over, yeah.” He knelt down in front of the couch. “Can you get me my stuff from under the sink?” Her eyes lingered on Teri for a moment before she turned and shot down the hallway.

Joseph leaned forward. “Teri, are you with me?”

Her eyes flickered towards him. “Yeah.”

“Good,” he smiled at her, two fingers pressing into the thumb side of her wrist. “Do you know where you are?”

She nodded. “Apartment. With Avia. We were playing cards.”

Her skin was cool and sweaty underneath his touch. “How do you feel right now?”

“Tired. And dizzy. And my head hurts.” She was quiet for a moment. “It’s…It’s hard to breathe and my chest feels fluttery.”

Avia reappeared, setting the bag down next to him. “Can you call the response team?” He asked her.

Teri’s eyes went wide. “You think it’s that bad?”

He pulled on a pair of gloves as he spoke. “I think it's worth getting you some more help. They have equipment that I don’t, yeah.” She nodded, a little tearfully. “When did this start?”

“After we got back?” She shifted. The fact that breathing was difficult was obvious. “It wasn’t like this, just a headache, and some dizziness.”

“Have you taken anything at all? Even like an ibuprofen?” He unzipped the bag, pulling out the AED to get to what he needed.

“No.” She shook her head, then slowly pushed herself up with her elbow. “Not even caffeine.”

The movement caught his eye. “Is it better when you’re sitting up?”

“Yeah.” She pushed herself up more, and he let her.

“Alright.” Now that she was sitting, he no longer had to kneel. “When did you last eat or drink?”

The position change seemed to bring her some relief. “After we got back. A couple hours ago.”

“I’m going to get your vitals, and then we’ll go from there, yeah?” She nodded, and he started by clipping the pulse oximeter to her arm. After that came blood pressure, and that was where the real party started.

He kept his face neutral as he deflated the cuff. Hypertensive crisis. Wonderful. Her temperature and pupils were fine, but she was breathing too fast and he could feel the irregularity of her heartbeat in her wrist.

An even worse look spread across her face. “Joseph, somethings really wrong.” She pawed at her chest. “I don’t know…but it's not right.”

“The response team is on their way.” He squeezed her hand. “We’ll figure it out, yeah. You’re in good hands.”

“I just…” Her mouth made a million shapes but no words. “I don’t wanna die, Joseph.”

His eyes flew to her as soon as the words left her mouth. “Hey, hey, hey, no. I’m going to take care of you, yeah.” She was crying messily, and she might not have even heard him.

“It’s bad, Joseph, it’s really bad.” She reached out towards him, clinging onto the shiny material of his shorts.

His eyebrows furrowed. “How about you get on the ground?”

Teri listened, shakily lowering herself down onto the floor. The carpet was grating on her skin. “Joseph…Joseph I need…” She sobbed. “I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die.”

The world shimmered for a moment, before everything gathered into a pinpoint and disappeared. She was sure Joseph was saying something, but the only words that got to her before oblivion was Avia’s terrified, shrieked “Teri no!”

***

Joseph hunched over in the uncomfortable, too-hard chair at Teri’s bedside. Avia was snoring softly behind him, asleep in the much more comfortable seat, but he didn’t really care. Comfort would’ve been foreign to him anyway.

The normally background hum of the ward was extra jarring, and even though he knew what all of them did, seeing Teri surrounded by so many machines wasn’t exactly comforting. She’d arrested, right on the floor of Turquoise’s common room. It made sense then, but now that everything had calmed down, it felt worse. Random and targeted, at the same time.

He reached for her hand, careful of the cannula burrowed inside it. They’d said she was likely to recover, said that whatever crazy ass thing the supervillain had done was wearing off, said that she was responding to treatment and that her prognosis looked good, but it still didn’t erase the sinking feeling in his gut.

He’d promised her, he’d promised Pat, that he wouldn’t lose another. And this had cut far too close for comfort.

The words ghosted the back of his mind, amongst the chaos and the panic and the blood.

“Always kid, Always.”

Taglist: @pigeonwhumps@rainydaywhump@painful-pooch@rainbowsandwhumperflies@snaillamp @whumperofworlds

[daily-rayless]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love❤

Thank you, but aaaaaaa, this is difficult. I only started posting on AO3 last year, but I've been posting fic online since 2006, and while there's a lot of old stuff I can't 100% stand by, there are also older fics and elements of older fics I'm still proud of today.

I think for a lot of ficwriters, our fics are tied very closely to different points in our lives and our sense of accomplishment -- so things like that also make it difficult to pick favorites when looking at these titles stirs up so many memories.

But here, I'll give it a shot:

5: Kindred (Harry Potter, 2007, no longer online): These days, my feelings about HP are less positive, but Kindred was my take on the life and upbringing of Fleur Delacour. It allowed me to research an expansive fantasy world as well as make new friends online as they patiently fielded my questions about life in the UK. I got to play around with original world building when it came to Beauxbatons and Veela (at a time when the HP world was still more open) as well as imagine the latter sections of the series from the perspective of the Order of the Phoenix. I was also writing this right during all the build up to Book Seven. I thought I was pretty safe in world building for Fleur, figuring she'd never be all that central, only to read Deathly Hallows and find not only that she's fairly involved, but a good chunk of my headcanon had to be thrown out and rewritten. Kindred was also the first time I'd contributed a longfic to a major fandom that was simmering with interest and energy, and I got so much encouraging feedback. It was a lot of work, I felt so proud of myself, and I was so pleased people enjoyed it. I'm still touched when people message me and say they remember it all these years later.

Weasley gives me an automatic smile. “Just a moment, excuse me.” He jerks his chin to Hassan, and they pass out of the room, down the hall. Hassan glances at me, raises his eyebrows, and grins.

Damn.

I distract myself from my hunger by studying the office. This is one of the smaller ones I’ve seen, cluttered with unopened boxes and a half-filled bookcase. The desk is neat, stacked with papers. A black leather-bound book on the desk catches my eye, its cover stamped with broad gold swirls and dots. It also, I realize, opens right-to-left. Hebrew?

I glance at the still-open door. No sounds.

I slide my fingers under the front cover, flipping it open. Then I blink and lean forward. Every left page is full of that sweeping, dotted script. Every right page has pictures, very stylized. Hieroglyphs, I think. A lot of the figures have animal heads on human bodies, and I recognize the ancient Egyptian numerals from Arithmancy class. I shut the book. I really shouldn’t pry.

My stomach yowls. Well, glancing at stuff on the desk isn’t prying.

I pass over the papers. There’s a framed photo of nine people standing in front of a pyramid, all of them vibrantly redheaded. I pick out Bill Weasley in the group, sans ponytail and earring. He looks better with them.

I check his wall clock. 12:31. Argh.

There’s a small glass case by the photo, containing a chip of some rock (lapis?) inlaid with gold. Arranged around it are what seem to be ancient corn kernels...no...Oh my goodness, they’re human teeth.

Rattle.

I jump, wheeling guiltily towards the door.

Thud.

Rattle.

I look back down at the desk. The sounds are coming from the top left drawer.

Slowly, steadily, I back away from the desk.

Thud. It sounds large, as though something almost filling the drawer is shifting around.

Suddenly, the fact that I’m in a Curse-Breaker’s office carries much more weight. If Kensington could get a curse in the mail, couldn’t Weasley keep a special occasion curse in his desk drawer?

No matter. It doesn’t concern me.

“Mphlum?” comes from the drawer.

That was a human voice.

“Gphlb? Gvpblaffx!”

His muffled voice sounds like he’s struggling. I realize that I’ve stepped back towards the drawer.

Really...Weasley’s a Curse-Breaker...why would he keep a curse lying around? It’s his job to get rid of them.

“Plibg.”

I run my thumb along the smooth brass drawer-pull. Probably it’s some annoying portrait he’s imprisoned there for peace and quiet. I know all about that.

“Thfssss?”

I jerk the drawer open. A human head stares back at me.

4: The Stars Are Fire (Tales of the Abyss, 2021): This is my longfic about Asch and Natalia, exploring their relationship before and through the game, then examining Natalia's life after the war. I think what I love so much about this one was how emotionally free it felt to write it. Generally I write in a very linear style. Stars was written all over the place -- one scene here, one scene there, with very little regard as to stringing everything carefully together. The hope is that if you've played the game, you can follow where you are in the timeline, and the scenes are connected more by theme and feelings than plot. Doing it this way took a lot of pressure off of me. I didn't have to write "boring" scenes, I didn't have to carefully plot. A lot of the time it was just, "Oh, what about exploring this canonical scene?" Or, "Wouldn't be interesting to show this about their childhood?" And I could just go with it. Stars is also special to me because my earlier attempts to write long Abyss fics hadn't quite worked, which was a little discouraging because Abyss is one of my very favorite games.

Natalia flew into him, and, as if it were a dance they'd already learned, he closed his arms around her shoulders, the both of them burying their faces in each other. He could feel her fingers gripping his back, her eyelashes against his cheek, her heart pounding against his own. For just a moment, his brain was released from all thoughts, all impressions but breathless relief.

He was here. She was safe.

There were voices, the others exclaiming over Luke. In a moment, Natalia would push away from him, go to Luke too. But she'd come to him first. She'd run to him.

His brain was catching up to all of this, reminding him there was no time for any of it. Nor a point to any of it.

Natalia was pulling away, but she didn't leave his embrace, taking him by the shoulders, looking at him, saying something – asking if he was all right? Asch was about to say something stern – he didn't know what – but she had one of his hairs smeared across her wet cheek and first he needed to wipe that away, otherwise she looked ridiculous – and he touched her cheek, and the next thing he knew, he'd pressed his forehead to hers and shut his eyes and he could feel her soft breath and her hands tightening on him and he was doing his best not to say all of the things he needed to say – he –

“Whoa, what's this?”

Luke's – the replica's baffled voice was what Asch needed to break out of this storm. Not roughly, but firmly, he stepped back from Natalia – she kept hold of his arm, and he didn't stop her. And Asch felt almost furious satisfaction as he saw the replica staring confusedly at the Jewel of Lorelei in his palm.

After Asch explained, as everyone exclaimed over the Jewel – and that somehow they'd both survived the hyperresonance – Asch again felt weight settle over him. He was alive. It wasn't over.

He still had to go on.

3: The Muse of Last Songs (Transistor, 2019): The first in my Muse Trilogy. It was hard to pick between this one and the final installment, because the final one brings things all together to a (hopefully) satisfying close. But I really like Last Songs because it was my chance to world-build a past for Red and dig into her history with the Boxer. The game drops so many little hints about who they are and how they relate to each other, and these hints felt like fun toys to play with. I was a little hesitant to start posting the trilogy because I'm not sure the universe was asking for a very long Transistor trilogy with a lot of of OCs, so that makes me feel so flattered and grateful that people are interested.

Red had no special plans for that day, aside from the lunch with Belrose. She's not expecting any interviews, any photographers. She's wearing trousers and a blouse, a large triangular ring on her right hand. She'd written some notes for her song on her inner arm during lunch, and the marks are still there. Her hair could use a bit of comb, and she's only bothered with lip gloss. She looks more or less how she usually does on a day left alone to herself.

Whether that's a plus or a minus is really just a matter of perspective.

Colette beckons her over, sort of like she's trying to coax some animal that's never been properly domesticated. “We're interviewing bodyguards. Give me thirty of your priceless minutes.”

Red focuses, looking past Colette to the three men. Though of different heights and ethnicities, there's a certain look that they all share – young men, dark hair, dark or tan skin, squarely built and solid looking. She takes a moment to study each. She's never shy about looking people in the eye, and she's glad to see that each of them has the nerve to maintain eye contact.

One of them.

One of them.

One of them, she looks at a few moments longer than the others. Not out of recognition or distrust. He just keeps her attention a bit longer.

2: Death and Ker (Persona 3, 2010): My what-if story exploring if the female protagonist came on another adventure with SEES. While it's no longer my best writing, and I'm sure there's lots in it I would now do differently, this fic still has a very special place in my heart. My earlier Persona longfic, Elysion, is very sad in places, and while Death and Ker also has its bittersweet moments, it was my opportunity to write SEES as strong and hopeful after the harrowing events of Persona 3. I also love the FeMC, Minako, her energy and strength, and I loved writing from her perspective, particularly exploring her relationship with her Persona Thanatos. Add some references to Greek mythology, lots of Shinjiro, and my opportunity to finally get Akihiko and Mitsuru together (one of my favorite ships, but one I find very hard to write), and I still look back on this one happily.

I've come abreast of a bar, with some guys out front smoking, nearly silhouetted against the lit windows. Another guy, broader across the shoulders than the others, has kicked a trashcan onto its side, letting the garbage spew out. He's sitting on it, hair down to his waist and bearded, a shapeless cap over one eye and a long, ragged greatcoat. There's a smell rather worse than cigarette smoke, and I pick up the pace again, wishing I was upwind.

"Hold on," that same gruff voice says, and I realize that Lovely here is my defender. "You took a long look. You can't say you're too proud to say 'good evening'."

His Japanese is perfect, but there's some accent I can't pick out – English-speaking, I think, but I don't recognize it as British or American or anything like that. I've turned towards him before I can tell myself to keep walking. He leans back to study me, throwing his face into better light. Gaunt features, a long pipe between his teeth, some of which are missing. I can't guess his age, except that he's older than me. His hair is some color between blond and brown, and his eyes look greenish, and they track me up and down a few times.

I'm not good at staying away from trouble; people always used to say this about me. But this isn't trouble, it's just a word. So – "Evening," I say, and turn to go.

"You have a look of death about you."

I turn back around. The guy's leaned forward onto his knees again, and the others are talking amongst themselves, someone laughing. Is this a weird set-up, or...? I turn to go.

"You keep out of the light, but there it is just the same."

What?

...I've got a naginata and a Persona with a huge metal mask thing. I can handle whatever's going on here. I turn back and stare at him, waiting for him to explain. He gestures sideways, and unresistingly I step into the glare of the windows.

He stares at me a moment, teeth cracking around his pipe, and nods slowly like he already knew what he'd be seeing. "You're pale enough, and your hair's the color of dead things, dead leaves. Eyes like dirt and blood." He leans back and turns away, drawing on his pipe. "Why pussyfoot around it? Why not carry your damn scythe in the open?"

I blink, but I can't quite deadpan this, and I find myself shifting my weight once from foot to foot. "Are you friends with Mama at Club Escapade or something?"

"Shove off," the guy says, gesturing me away. "Take your dirt with you."

"What are you talking about?"

"Pretty girl." He swings to his feet, the trashcan rolling away with a clatter. "Death shouldn't pretend to be cute. It's raw and bleeding and it loves the living more than food or air." He chuckles. "I don't want to be friends." And he slouches into the light of the bar's front door.

I pitch forward a step, about to follow, then pull to a stop, hardly hearing the question one of the other guys throws at me. What was he talking about? Could he tell I was dead? I could ask Death himself, but Thanatos is quiet, uninterested in this exchange.

1: The Beast in the Dark (Fate/Extra, 2017, not online). So this feels kind of selfish, seeing as no one can read it and I don't know whether I'll even post it, but I really love this fic. In the mid-2010s, I was sad and frustrated and artistically unhappy (unhappy about art -- not unhappy in an artistic way), particularly with my original fiction, which didn't feel very good, and most of the time wasn't even happening. In this mindset, I wrote a trilogy of fics set in the Fate/Extra universe, focusing on female Hakuno. And what I love about that experience, along with it helping me through that patch, is that I just let myself go. I threw basically anything I wanted at the story. I researched all sorts of weird things about history and different cultures so I could incorporate them. I really like words and their derivations, so I just told myself I could include unnecessary explanations of word etymologies. I threw in cringey tropes I enjoy but might be embarrassed to admit to other people. I had no expectation of ever posting it, so I truly was able to please myself. Beast is the final installment of the trilogy, the longest, and all the angst and shippy stuff and nonsense comes together in a big loud crash for it, and I just really loved writing that. Almost immediately after finishing Beast, I suddenly felt ready to write The Price and Prey of Magic -- the original novel I'd been thinking about for years, but been unable to start. I don't know if Beast unlocked something in me, but I like to think it did me good.

Was it even possible to really love someone with your whole soul? Maybe a parent could love a child that way. Maybe if the two of you had grown up together, and they'd always been part of your life. But a person who had a whole life separate from you, whom you'd met only recently?

Could you really graft your soul to the soul of a comparative stranger?

There was a tree by the well, and its leaves rustled in the slight breeze, sending a sympathetic shiver down Hakuno's back.

A man's shadow fell across her

She looked up.

It was a tall man in army fatigues and a burnoose. She couldn't really see his face because of the sun behind him.

Crow, she thought.

“You're the American?” he asked.

Hakuno sat up, unprepared for how relieved she was to hear English again. His accent was unfamiliar, but the words were perfectly clear. “Yes,” she said, squinting up. “My name's Hazel Kuznetov.”

Maybe he noticed the squint, because he moved out of the glare, though not any closer. His skin was tanned, but he wasn't actually Middle Eastern – possibly Japanese. Despite his white hair, he looked to be in his twenties. She thought she saw a red muffler wrapped around his head and throat under the burnoose. There was a long gun on his back.

He held his hand out. “I'm Shirou Emiya.”

Thank you for tagging me, @deemoyza. Going through my archive brought a lot of feelings of happiness and gratitude bubbling to the surface.

[punkpoemprose]

I posted 552 times in 2022

25 posts created (5%)

527 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@leonardslee

@karis-the-fangirl

@rainbow-femme

@briarlily

@blue-toast17

I tagged 175 of my posts in 2022

#kristanna - 43 posts

#i love queue baby - 38 posts

#kristanna advent 2022 - 17 posts

#art rec - 16 posts

#frozen - 6 posts

#a convenient arrangement - 6 posts

#this is gorgeous - 4 posts

#arranged marriage au - 4 posts

#virtual chemistry - 4 posts

#modern au - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#also i think about how my father got back into carpentry and woodworking after many many years because my mom saw a wooden snowman online

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Kristanna Advent 2022

25 Days, 25 new Kristanna fanfics written for the season. A mixture of oneshots, continuations of  multi-chap fics, and more. Welcome to my yearly attempt to make it happen. Fics below the cut, updated daily December 1st- 25th

December 1st- A Convenient Arrangement Chapter 13

December 2nd- Siege of Arendelle Chapter 17

December 3rd- A Convenient Arrangement Chapter 14

December 4th- Virtual Chemistry Part 7

December 5th- Yule Shoot Your Eye Out [Oneshot Modern AU]

December 6th- Anything For You [Oneshot Modern AU]

December 7th- A Safe Place [Canonverse Oneshot]

December 8th- Hunter’s Daughter [Vampire AU/ Vampire Hunter AU]

December 9th- Virtual Chemistry Part 8

December 10th- The Patient [Modern AU/ Paramedic AU]

December 11th- Homemade Holiday [Canonverse Oneshot]

December 12th- TBD

December 13th- TBD

December 14th- TBD

December 15th- TBD

December 16th- TBD

December 17th- TBD

December 18th- TBD

December 19th- TBD

December 20th- TBD

December 21st- TBD

December 22nd- TBD

December 23rd- TBD

December 24th- TBD

December 25th- TBD

29 notes - Posted November 24, 2022

#4

The Patient- A Kristanna Paramedic Oneshot

Universe: Modern AU/ Paramedic AU

Rating: T (13+)

Length: 2267 Words

Summary: Anna has to call 911 after a small fire breaks out in her condo. The hot blonde paramedic is the best and worst part of her day.

A/N: Day 10 of the 2022 Advent Calendar. I’ve managed to get behind again, of course, and I had to write this prone on my bedroom floor because I’ve fucked my back up, but you know what, I’m going to keep going anyway. Please ignore any factual errors about paramedics and medicine here, I did a little research, but otherwise I just wanted these two idiots to smooch under a new circumstance.

Today was, decidedly, not Anna’s day.

She sat, mortified, in the back of the ambulance with the most attractive man she’d ever met in her life, mutely checking her over for injuries.

“Really, I’m alright,” she said, then coughed, “I didn’t get burnt or anything when I was turning off the oven and using the fire extinguisher, I just couldn’t let the smoke out of my kitchen because the window was painted shut.”

She coughed again, not exactly proving her point that she was, in fact, fine. This was what she got for paying someone to renovate her condo without triple checking all their references and their work. Her detail obsessed sister would be so disappointed in her.

“Smoke inhalation is a very serious problem Ms. Arendelle.”

He was so serious in both tone and expression when he turned to his colleague to ask them to grab a mask and an oxygen canister.

She felt her face grow hot, and it had nothing to do with the fact that she maybe had inhaled a little too much smoke when her oven decided to catch fire for no good reason, other than perhaps spite. She’d just bought it and had it installed, and she wasn’t wholly convinced that the ghost of her last oven wasn’t possessing the new one because she’d only been preheating the empty appliance when the fire started inside it.

“Really, I’m fine.”

He was having none of it. He gave her a very unimpressed look, which both frustrated her and contributed to her blush. He was very attractive, but he also was clearly a hard-ass with lacking bedside manner.  

She glanced at the name tag attached to his shirt and read “K. Bjorgman”.

K? Kyle? Kameron? Karson?

No, none of those seemed quite right for Mr. Hard-ass.

“Here’s that tank Kristoff.”

Kristoff? What the hell kind of name was that? Must be short for Kristoffer.

“Are you refusing treatment?”

She looked from his nametag back to his face. He looked infuriatingly displeased and she thought about saying that she was just to bug him, but that probably wasn’t ideal for her health given that the other paramedic hadn’t argued with him about the need for oxygen.

“No, I just think this is a little overkill probably, it was just a small kitchen fire.”

“With no ventilation where your oven was burning… what exactly?”

“Itself,” she answered miserably, “Because of course it would.”

“Right, so potentially plastic, chemical surfactants and whatever else should or shouldn’t have been in there at the point of ignition.”

She threw her hands up, “Yeah, sure. Whatever you say Mr. expert.”

He seemed to smile, just a small quirk in the corner of his mouth, but it was something. She wasn’t sure whether he was just used to getting what he wanted and was happy because his gruff attitude and good looks combo was working out for him once again, or whether he actually found her funny.

She was mad that it made him somehow even more attractive and that it made her want to continue to comply.

***

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31 notes - Posted December 11, 2022

#3

A Convenient Arrangement Part 12

Universe: Canonverse Arranged Marriage AU Rating:T Length: 3530 Words A/N: Thank you to the friends that lovingly remind me to write sometimes. Next chapter will be the engagement party, I promise!

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9] [Part10] [Part 11]

The festival preparations were back in full swing in no time. Kristoff saw Anna every night now, they shared his bed every evening and woke whenever one or both of them were summoned by morning knocks against his door. Getting to bed together was an immense effort on both of their parts, but it was something that he knew they both treasured after long days with barely a glance at each other.

Given it was a festival in celebration of their marriage, he couldn’t help but feel that they really should have been allowed more time together to prepare, but unfortunately neither of them made their own schedules.

Anna promised at night, between sleepy kisses, that it would get better after the event was over. She told him that once they started their regular duties they would be apart less, or at least their time apart would be more regularly scheduled which would allow them to meet more often throughout the day. He wasn’t certain that she wholly believed it herself, but despite this, the hope was enough to buoy them both through the days of preparation. The quick morning kisses and embraces did their fair share to serve as encouragement as well.

“Does it fit well my lord?”

Kristoff smiled at his reflection in the mirror. His normal tailor, Anders Nilsson, had been more than happy to take up a royal contract, and had profusely thanked both Kristoff and Kai throughout the entire process of his making Kristoff’s festival wear. He’d had to ask him to stop using the words “thank you” after a while, simply for the fact that the man couldn’t stop saying it. Kristoff knew how much the commission had meant to the man, he didn’t want him to feel the need to express it in the first place, let alone repeat it.

He’d outdone himself. The suit was mostly black with green, purple, and golden details that marked him as a member of the royal family and were enough to make the garments stand out in a crowd. They weren’t so overembellished that they felt ostentatious but were rather inspired by his own plainer sensibilities.

Most blessedly it fit, and he could imagine himself wearing it without passing out.

“Yes,” he breathed with great appreciation toward the tailor, “Thank you so much Anders. I know it couldn’t have been easy for you to put this together so quickly.”

“You’d be surprised Kri… my lord.”

He settled into a deep bow and Kristoff could have snorted with how unnatural it looked given the man never had cause to bow before in his life until Kristoff had married Anna. There was no point to bow to harvesters and merchants who were just as common as you.

“Anders, please, just call me Kristoff.”

Kai smiled in the mirror behind him. He’d been encouraging him for weeks to insist upon others referring to him by his title, but evidently his valet found no issues with a man being informal with his own tailor.

“Kristoff,” the tailor said and visibly relaxed before continuing, “It didn’t take too terribly long. My wife likes to do the embroidery and she’s so far along now that she was practically begging me to give her something to do in her chair. She balanced the whole project on her belly as she worked. She insists, though I hope it’s not too forward, that I give her appreciation to your valet for sending her the exact patterns the Princess’s dressmaker was using for her gown’s embroidery.”

He thought for a moment about Ander’s wife. When he’d last seen her, she’d barely been showing. By now she must certainly be as round with child as the tailor described. He was pleased that despite the effort they must have expended working on his clothes, that he was able to send some money their way for that soon to arrive child. He nearly lost himself in a passing thought about how Anna might look with her hands pressed lovingly to her rounded abdomen, the ring he still needed to give her on her finger.

He forced himself out of the daydream. He’d told Anna that they never needed to have children together, that they never even needed to be intimate, and here he was dreaming of her carrying his child, instead of paying attention to the words that had just been said to him.

Patterns? For her gown’s embroidery?

Kristoff turned back to Kai then, who was smiling as broad as Kristoff ever saw him. “Anna and I are going to match?”

He wasn’t certain as to why it made his heart leap in the way it did, to imagine himself and Anna dressed as a pair. Everyone knew of their marriage, there was no doubting that, and yet a visual cue to their bond thrilled him in a way he’d never imagined clothes pleasing him. So many things that had never mattered to him before, now mattered because of Anna.

Kai nodded, his grin schooling itself somewhat into a more neutral expression.

“At the behest of the Queen, and the Princess’s as well, of course. She wanted no question of who her husband was. I have a feeling the regalia will leave no room for that question, but primarily I think the pair of them were hoping for a united front in every possible detail. Which brings me to our need to take our leave from this room, I’m afraid we’re overdue for our next appointment of the day my lord.”

Kristoff couldn’t help but to sigh, shaken from his momentary quiet revelry. He’d been rushed along every day for well over a week now, any of the relaxation of his and Anna’s “day off” was a distant memory now.

“Fine then, I’ll get changed.”

He looked down at the comfortably fitted suit and felt, strangely, like he didn’t want to take it off.

“Thank you, Anders, it’s fantastic. Please thank your wife for me and know that there will be more requests coming your way very soon. There will be no need for a rush of course, if I don’t see you again before your babe is born, my best wishes to you both for a happy and healthy child.”

Kristoff watched the man open and close his mouth, undoubtedly stifling a “thank you” Kristoff didn’t really want to hear in return.

There are some perks to a royal title certainly.

***

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33 notes - Posted August 4, 2022

#2

Bitches really be out here writing Kristanna smut in our year of the Lord 2022.

It's me. I'm bitches.

37 notes - Posted November 10, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

A Convenient Arrangement Part 11

Universe: Canonverse Arranged Marriage AU Rating:T Length: 3840 Words A/N: Finally finished this speed-bump of a chapter. Hopefully now that it’s written it won’t take me nine months to do the next bit.

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9] [Part10]

The last thing Anna wanted was to let him leave the castle. Frankly, she wanted to lock him in the room and keep kissing him until they were called away to their duties, or until they fell asleep, whichever happened first.

Probably sleep.

She was exhausted. She’d been tired all week, and while their day’s reprieve had been a comfort, she still felt a deep fatigue that seemed to settle in her very bones. He was tired too. She saw it in his eyes when he broke their kiss. If she would have led him to the bed, wrapped them in blankets and promised that they could stay like that for the rest of the evening, he would have wanted to stay.

I should have convinced him.

Instead, she’d encouraged him to go see his family. She knew that it was the right thing to do, that he wouldn’t have wanted to leave her unless it was important. She didn’t want to interfere with his traditions and when he didn’t invite her along, she knew that it must be for a reason.

She didn’t have the time to ask him all the things she wanted to, and she knew that she wouldn’t be able to see him off at the gates without running after him, so she’d watched him from a window instead. She’d stood and quieted every voice in her head that told her he wasn’t coming back. She’d watched dutifully, keeping her feet still and her hands braced on the windowpane as he and Sven rode off until she could no longer see either of them.

She’d only allowed herself to move when she knew that it would be impossible to follow them, when the sky started to darken, and she was certain that she would only get lost if she tried to tail them up the mountain. Even then, knowing all she did about exactly how it would go, it took all her energy not to follow.  

Her lips still felt the ghost of his upon them. She wished that she would have stolen a goodbye kiss, a goodnight kiss, or a just because kiss because she knew that she’d be missing the feel of it until he returned.

Instead of marching to the front doors, her feet carried her on autopilot to her sister’s office door.

She knew that Elsa would be in her office. There was nowhere else she would be on an evening without courtly duties. Someone who was not in the know might imagine that she would be in her bedroom, or relaxing in the library, but Anna knew that her sister would be pouring over paperwork.

It was difficult for Anna to knock on her sister’s office door. Physically speaking it was, of course, quite simple, but making her knuckles rap against the door and having to trust that her sister would answer was still difficult. She had forgiven Elsa for the years of isolation they’d both faced, but she hadn’t forgotten. She was certain that she and Elsa could grow close and communicate daily for the rest of their lives and Anna still wouldn’t ever forget what it felt like to knock on her sister’s door and have it go unanswered.

It had felt like she was mourning the death of someone who was still very much alive.

“Come in.”

Anna didn’t need to be told twice. She could feel the muscles she’d not realized she was tensing relax in her arms and legs. The anxiety in her stomach quelled.

Pushing the door open and then closed again behind her, Anna found Elsa very much as she had expected her. Her pale face framed by mussed blond tresses that were, themselves, almost as white as the piles of paper around her on the desk.

“Oh! Anna, I wasn’t expecting you. I thought you were spending the day with Kristoff?”

Anna wasn’t sure what made her happier, the way her arrival seemed to be a splendid surprise to her sister, or the way that Elsa so pleasantly mentioned Kristoff by name. It surprised her how quickly Elsa had gone from thinking her husband was some brute, to calling him by name and occasionally indulging in his company for brief moments.

Anna wondered if with a little more time, they might begin doing things as a family. She did think that Kristoff and Elsa could be friends with time, so she was pleased that they were something like acquaintances now. Anything was better than strangers, particularly now that Anna knew that her feelings for her husband weren’t only reciprocated but that they were fated.

“I was. He’s had to head up to the mountains to speak with his family.”

“The trolls?”

“Yes, the trolls,” Anna quickly replied.

“Ah, is there something going on?”

“Well yes, but it will take some explaining.”

Elsa nodded, seeming entirely too pleased to shift the pile of papers she’d been working on off to the side of her desk. Anna knew that Elsa had been making efforts to get closer to her, to get to know her better, and as infrequent as their moments alone were, Anna couldn’t help but to feel surprised that she was so ready to set her work aside.

She smile was somewhat sheepish when she returned her full attention to Anna.

“I should have taken a break hours ago anyway.”

***

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52 notes - Posted February 16, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[yooboobies]

Hi Réka!!! hope you are having a lovely day! Do you have any fic recs? I mostly read sope or jikook but I'm open to reading anything if someone rec it to me. I'm mostly new to the fandom and I have a hard time finding fics (there's too much) and I always read you talking about fics so I thought I ask 😌

Heyhey!!

I do have a lovely day today, thank you so much!! Hope the same for you mochi!!

I will rec all kinds of fics and you can choose from them!!

I rec all these yoonmin fics from this previous ask I answered

There will be a lot of deepslowpanic fics here, she is one my fav authors so just check all her work out!!!

Like Everything Glows (jikook) - annie_vi - I wont elaborate because I could talk about this fic for hours long - but I just wanna say this is my favorite fic ever. Like….. THE favourite. Like….😔💜

The Edge of Where We Start (yoonjin) - deepslowpanic - I cried a lot at this it was just everything I needed that time.

The Seventh Key (yoonkook) - agustjrg (wintersolos) - Okay not gonna lie this is the longest fic Ive ever read and I had more like a hte relationship with it because it lifted me up just to push me down again but the ending made up for it all.

Shadows Within (ot7) - uhgoodblueside - THIS…… THIS FIC IS EVERYTHING TO ME. The story, the feelings god I cried SO MUCH its so good please read it

Love and other punchlines (yoonjin) - Lecrit - this had some HEAVY topics in it, but amazing jokes as well and I love Jimin in this okay? I will protect him always

Slow Rain (abo ot7) - mangust_d - LISTEN I always cry at fics its easy for me to cry but THIS FIC?? Its one of the most beautiful stories I’ve ever read and I just wish I could read it again….. YOONGI IN THIS IS MY EVERYTHING

Always Crashing in the Same Car (yoonkook) - deepslowpanic - I finished this pretty quickly cause I couldn’t stop reading. I just wanted to hug Kook in this all the time:((((((

Hand in hand (namgi) - TheMetaBard - in this everyone is a kid except Namgijin but… its a beautiful story. As a special needs educator this fic is really really really close to my heart and if you can handle this kind of topic I really recommend it. BUT!!!! Read the tags before starting. Please!

Love Bite (minjoon) - CassiaVioletBlue/softjeon - this was among the very first fics Ive read and I was so fricking obsessed with this I read it 3 more times after. VAMPIRES!!!!!!! AND MINJOON!?????? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

SEALed with a Kiss (yoonjin) - deepslowpanic- THIS IS MY SECOND FAVORITE YOONJIN FIC EVER AND THE ABSOLUTE CUTEST FUCKING FIC EVER please read it and then read the whole selkieverse ITS EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!

'Cause I'll Be In Love Maze (abo ot7) - KookieGotMeOnASugaHigh - CEO JOON!!!! how I love you… this is a huge fav of mine I love that Jimin is a lil shit at the beginning - Koo is absolutely the bestest ever and I just want him to be loved and cherished and he gets exactly that - everyone is obsessed and I can understand it!!

OH SHIT THIS IS GETTING LONG - okay one more and then I will stop but if you need more (I didn’t rec any sope because you said u read mostly them but I HAVE TONS so let me know) Im here to give more!!! Okay last fic:

A Gilded World (yoonjin) - smiles - My forever favorite Yoonjin fic. Like I just can’t say anything else its so so close to my heart…… I finished it WAY TOO quickly I wanna read it again:((((((

Sorry it got soo long and yes I read too many yoonjin and idc nsjdjddjdjjddj HOPE YOU WILL FIND SOMETHING AMONG THESE THAT U WILL LOVE PLEASE READ LIKE EVERYTHING GLOWS PLEASE okay bye💜💜💜💜💜💜

[c-is-for-circinate]

For a long, large part of my life, being queer in a media landscape--finding queerness in a media landscape--has meant theft.

I'm a Fandom Old, somehow, these days, older than most and younger than some, in that way that's grown associated with grumpy crotchetyness and shotguns on porches and back in my day, we had to wade through our Yahoo Groups mailing lists uphill both ways, boring and irrelevant anecdotes from Back In Those Days when homophobia clearly worked differently than it does now, probably because we weren't trying hard enough. I've seen a lot of stories through the years. I've read a lot of fanfic. (More days than not, for the past twenty years. I've read a lot of fanfic.)

When people my age start groaning and sighing at conversations about representation and queerbaiting, when we roll our eyes and drag all the old war stories out again in the face of AO3 is terrible and Not Good Enough, so often what we say is: you Young Folks Today have no idea how hard, how scary, how limiting it was to be queer anywhere Back In Those Days. Including online, maybe especially online, including in a media landscape that hated us so much more than any one you've ever known. And that is true. Always and everywhere, again and again, it's true, we remember, it's true.

We don't talk so much about the joy of it.

Online fan spaces were my very first queer communities, ever. I was thirteen, I was fourteen, I was fifteen--I was a lonely, over-precocious "gifted kid" two years too young for my grade level in an all-girls' Catholic school in the suburbs--I lived in a world where gay people were a rumor and an insult and a news story about murder. I was straight, of course, obviously, because real people were straight and anyway I was weird enough already--I couldn't be two things strange, couldn't be gay too, but--well, I could read the stories. I could feel things about that. I would have those stories to help me, a few years later, when I knew I couldn't call myself straight any more.

And those stories were theft. There was never any doubt about that. We wrote disclaimers at the top of every fic, with the specter of Anne Rice's lawyers around every corner. We hid in back-corners of the internet, places you could only find through a link from a link from a link on somebody else's recs page, being grateful for the tiny single-fandom archives when you found them, grateful for the webrings where they existed. It was theft, all of it, the stories about characters we did not own, the videotaped episodes on your best friend's VHS player, one single episode pulled off of Limewire over the course of three days.

It was theft, we knew, to even try and find ourselves in these stories to begin with. How many fics did I read in those days about two men who'd always been straight, except for each other, in this one case, when love was stronger than sexual orientation? We stole our characters away from the heterosexual lives they were destined to have. We stole them away from writers and producers and TV networks who work overtime to shower them in Babes of the Week, to pretend that queerness was never even an option. This wasn't given to us. This wasn't meant for us. This wasn't ours to have, ever, ever in the first place. But we took it anyway.

And oh, my friends, it was glorious.

We took it. We stole. And again and again, for years and years and years, we turned that theft into an art. We looked for every opening, every crack in every sidewalk where a little sprout of queerness might grow, and we claimed it for our own and we grew whole gardens. We grew so sly and so skilled with it, learning to spot the hints of oh, this could be slashy in every new show and movie to come our way. Do you see how they left these character dynamics here, unattended on the table? How ripe they are for the pocketing. Here, I'll help you carry them. We'll make off with these so-called straight boys, and we only have to look back if somebody sets out another scene we want for our own.

We were thieves, all of us, and that was fine and that was fair, because to exist as queer in the world was theft to begin with. Stolen time, stolen moments--grand larceny of the institution of marriage, breaking and entering to rob my mother's hopes for grandchildren. Every shoplifted glance at the wrong person in the locker room (and it didn't matter if we never peeked, never dared, they called us out on it anyway). Every character in every fic whose queerness became a crime against this ex-wife, that new love interest. Every time we dared steal ourselves away from the good straight partners we didn't want to date.

And: we built ourselves a den, we thieves, wallpapered in stolen images and filled to the brim with all the words we'd written ourselves. We built ourselves a home, and we filled it with joy. Every vid and art and fic, every ship, every squee. Over and over, every straight boy protagonist who abandoned all womankind for just this one exception with his straight boy protagonist partner found gay orgasms and true love at the end.

Over and over, we said: this isn't ours, this isn't meant to be ours, you did not give this to us--but we are taking it anyway. We will burglarize you for building blocks and build ourselves a palace. These stories and this place in the world is not for us, but we exist, and you can't stop us. It's ours now, full of color and noise, a thousand peoples' ideas mosaic'ed together in celebration. We made this, and it will never be just yours again. You won't ever truly get it back, no matter how many lawyers you send, not completely. We keep what we steal.

.

Things shifted over time, of course. That's good. That's to be celebrated. Nobody should have to steal to survive. It should not be a crime, should not feel like a crime, to find yourself and your space in the world.

There were always content creators who could slip a little wink in when they laid out their wares, oh what's this over here, silly me leaving this unattended where anybody could grab it, of course there might be more over by the side door if you come around the alleyway (but if anybody asks, you didn't get this from ME). We all watched Xena marry Gabrielle, in body language and between the lines. We sat around and traded theories and rumors about whether the people writing Due South knew what they were doing when they sent their buddy cops off into the frozen north alone together at the end of the show, if they'd done it on purpose, if they knew. But over the years, slowly, thankfully, the winks became less sly.

A teenage boy put his hand on another teenage boy's hand and said, you move me, and they kissed on network TV, in a prime-time show, on FOX, and the world didn't burn down. Here and there, where they wanted to, where they could without getting caught by their bosses and managers, content creators stopped subtly nudging people around the back door and started saying, "Here. This is on offer here too, on purpose. You get to have this, too."

And of course, of course that came with a whole host of problems too. Slide around to the back door but you didn't get this from me turned into it's an item on our special menu, totally legit, you've just got to ask because the boss throws a fit if we put it out front. Shopkeepers and content creators started advertising on the sly, come buy your fix here!, hiding the fine print that says you still have to take what you've purchased home and rebuild it with your semi-legal IKEA hacks. Maybe they'll consider listing that Destiel or Sterek as a full-service menu item next year. Is that Crowley/Aziraphale the real thing or is it lite?

And those problems are real and the conversations are worth having, and it's absolutely fair to be frustrated that you can't find the ship you want on sale in anything like your color and size in a vast media landscape packed full of discount hetships and fast-fashion m/f. It's fair to be angry. It's fair to be frustrated. Queerbait is a word that exists for a reason.

There's a part of me that hurts, though, every time the topic comes up. It's a confusing, bad-mannered part of me, but it's still very real. And it's not because I'm fawning for crumbs, trying to be the Good, Non-Threatening Gay. It's not that I'm scared and traumatized by the thought of what might happen if we dare raise our voices and ask for attention. (Well. Not mostly. I'll always remember being quiet and scared and fifteen, but it's been a long two decades since then. I know how to ask for a hell of a lot more now.)

It's because I remember that cozy, plush-wallpapered den of joyful thieves. I remember you keep what you steal.

Every single time--every time--when a story I love sets a couple of characters out on a low, unguarded table, perfectly placed to be pilfered on the sly and taken home and smushed together like a couple of dolls, my very first thought is always, always joy. Always, that instinct says, yay! Says, this is ours now. As soon as I go home and crawl into that pillow-fort den, my instincts say, I will surely find people already at work combing through spoils and finding new ways to combine them, new ways to make them our own. I know there's fic for that. I've already seen fic for that, and I wasn't really interested last time, but the new store display's got my brain churning, and I can't wait to see what the crew back at the hideout does with this.

Every time, that's where my brain goes. And oh, when I realize the display's put out on purpose, that somebody snuck in a legitimate special menu item, when the proprietor gives me the nod and wink and says, you don't have to come around the side, I know it's not much but here--there is so much joy and relief and hope in me from that! Oh, what we can make with these beautiful building blocks. Oh what a story we can craft from the pieces. Oh, the things we can cobble together. Look at that, this one's a little skimpy on parts but we can supplement it, this one's got a whole outline we can fill in however we want. This one technically comes semi-preassembled, and that's boring as shit and a pain to take back apart, but that's fine, we'll manage. We're artists and thieves. I bet someone's pulling out the AU saw to cut it to pieces already.

And then I get back to our den, which has moved addresses a dozen times over the years and mostly hangs out on Tumblr now (and the roof leaks and the landlord's sketchy as fuck but at least they don't charge rent, and we've made worse places our own). And I show up, ready for joy--ready for a dozen other people who saw that low-hanging fruit on that unguarded table, who got the nod and wink about the special menu item, who're ready to get so excited about this newest haul. Did you see what we picked up? The theft was so easy, practically begging to be stolen. The last owner was an idiot with no idea what to do with it. The last owner knew exactly what it could become, bless their heart, under a craftsman with more time on their hands, so they looked away on purpose at just the right time to let me take it home. I show up every time ready for our space, the place that fed me on joy and self-confidence when I was fifteen and starving. The place that taught me, yes, we are thieves, because it is RIGHT to take what we need, and the beautiful things we create are their own justification. We are thieves, and that's wonderful, because nothing is handed to us and that means we get to build our own palaces. We get to keep everything we steal.

I go home, and even knowing the world is different, my instincts and heart are waiting for that. And I walk in the door, and I look at my dash, and I glance over at twitter, and--

And people are angry, again. Angry at the slim pickings from the hidden special menu. So, so tired and angry, at once again having to steal.

And they're right to be! Sometimes (often, maybe) I think they're angry at the wrong people--more angry with the shopkeeper who offers the bite-sized sampler platter of side characters or sneaks their queer content in on the special menu than the ones who don't include it at all. But it's not wrong to be mad that Disney's once again advertising their First Gay Character only to find out it's a tiny sprinkle of a one-line extra on an otherwise straight sundae. It's not wrong to be furious at the world because you've spent your whole life needing to be a thief to survive. It's far from wrong. I'm angry about it too.

But this was my den of thieves, my chop shop, my makerspace. Growing up in fandom, I learned to pick the locks on stories and crack the safes of subtext at the very same time I learned to create. They were the same thing, the same art. We are thieves, my heart says, we are thieves, and that's what makes us better than the people we steal from. We deconstruct every time we create. We build better things out of the pieces.

And people are angry that the pre-fab materials are too hard to find, the pickings too slim, the items on sale too limited? Yes, of course they are, of course they should be--but my heart. Oh, my heart. Every single time, just a little bit, it breaks.

Of course the stories are terrible (they have always been terrible). Of course they are, but we are thieves. We steal the best parts and cobble them back together and what we make is better than it was before. The craftsman's eye that cases a story for weak points, for blank spaces, for anywhere we can fit a crowbar and pry apart this casing--that's skill and art and joy. Of course we shouldn't have to, of course we shouldn't have to, but I still love it. I still want it, crave it. I still thrill every time I see it, a story with hairline cracks that we can work open with clever hands to let the queer in.

That used to be cause for celebration, around here. I ask him to go back to the ruins of Aeor with me, two men together alone on an expedition in the frozen north, it feels like a gift. And I understand why some people take it as an insult. I understand not good enough. I understand how something can feel like a few drops of water to someone dying of thirst, like a slap in the face. If it was so easy to sneak it hidden onto the special menu, to place it on the unguarded side table for someone else to run off to, why not let it sit out front and center in the first place? I know it's frustrating. It should be. We should fight. We should always fight. I know why.

But my heart, oh, my heart. My heart only knows what it's been taught. My heart sees, this thing right here, the proprietor left it there for you with a nod and a wink because they Get It. It's not put together yet, but it's better that way anyway. It's so full of pieces to pull apart and reassemble. I bet they've got a whole mosaic wall going up at home already. We can bring it home and make it OURS, more than it was ever theirs, forget half of what it came from and grow a new garden in what remains.

And I go home to find anger, and my heart breaks instead.

[impostoradult]

I finally figured out why it feels like Supernatural murdered a unicorn (AKA why you need to STOP telling me to watch Black Sails)

I’ll start by saying, everything everyone else has been saying CERTAINLY bothers me: 

- the queer-baiting - the bury your queers - the undermining of Dean’s character arc  - the wasted opportunity for a certain kind of overall narrative closure - the flat out disrespect to Misha Collins and Jensen Ackles

 All of that bothers me tremendously. 

But there has been something else rather ineffable about this that has left a horrible taste in my mouth that I couldn’t quite pin down until last night. Bear with me, if you will, because this will require some set-up. 

*** This is not the first show to ever disappoint me in a spectacular fashion, nor will it be the last, I suspect. And one of the ways I’ve always coped with that disappointment was to remind myself that there will be other stories, other characters, other chances to get it right. (”It” being any number of things from just pure narrative emotional coherence to not burying your queers to not stringing along your queer audience and then yelling fuck you to them on the way out) 

But somehow that assurance -- that there will be other stories, other characters, other chances to get it right -- has rung particularly hollow in this instance, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on why until yesterday. 

I kept asking myself, why do I still have this feeling, deep in the pit of my stomach, like something was lost here that can never be recovered? 

Because something was lost here that I am doubtful can ever be recovered, and I don’t think I’ve seen anyone else talking about this aspect of it at all. 

***

A few months ago, TV critic Maureen Ryan did a great interview piece with Mike Schur (of Parks & Rec/The Good Place) discussing the death of long-form TV in the streaming era. They explore how the longer seasons and longer runs of traditional broadcast/cable TV provided an opportunity to tell particular kinds of stories that you simply can’t when seasons are 8-10 episodes and series typically run 2-4 seasons (thanks Netflix).

One key thing we’ve all lost in this new era of highly condensed TV storytelling (and of prestige TV narrative styles)? The traditional (several season’s long) slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance. Not only is there simply no longer the time or space to write such romances, it has also come to be seen as hacky, manipulative, cheap, artistically impoverished, low-brow, a embarrassing vestige of the era before TV became art™. 

Everybody is trying to be Fleabag now. No one wants to be Frasier. (”It’s really more like a 10 hour movie” they all like to brag)

Obviously TV still has romances, even ‘drawn out’ romances. But ‘drawn out’ in 2020 is like 2-3 seasons, maybe. More commonly it’s like half a season. Take Schitt’s Creek. The number of episodes between when David and Patrick first meet and when they first kiss? Seven. Seven episodes. Half a season. If you watched it live, it took less than 2 months for them to move from introducing that dynamic to consummating it. And I’m not bagging on Schitt’s Creek; I think the David/Patrick’s story is very lovely and well-written. 

But Niles & Daphne (Fraiser) had to wait 7 years and over 150 episodes before they finally got there. Josh & Donna (The West Wing) had to wait 6+ years, and 145 episodes. Mulder & Scully (The X-Files) had to wait 7 seasons and 143 episodes. Booth & Bones had to wait...you see where I am going with this. 

And my point is (and I can’t believe I never realized this explicitly until now): there has NEVER been a queer slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance of that type on TV ever. EVER. 

I’m going to say that again, because I think it bares repeating:

There has never been a queer, slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance that fits the 100-150 episode paradigm of delayed gratification on TV. 

Not ever.  

I can’t think of ONE example  Not a single, solitary one. And I know queer TV pretty well. Arguably the closest we’ve ever come is Legend of Korra, and that ran 50 episodes, a THIRD of the length of old school will-they-won’t-theys like Booth & Bones or Josh & Donna. 

Queer people have had a fair number of canonical romances on TV by now, even fairly long running ones. But we never got a primary/front-and-center romance that you had to root for for 100+ episodes before you got any kind of canonical consummation.

That is a particular kind of TV experience that queer people and queer characters were just 100% shut out of until it was too late. And because of how the TV landscape has changed in the last 10 years, I don’t know that that opportunity will ever come back around in our lifetimes. 

***

Dean and Castiel are/were a legacy of an earlier era of TV, an era that still contained the possibility for a will-they-won’t-they of that particular mold. There were other shows that could have also filled this gap at one time - Rizzoli & Isles, OUAT, House MD, etc. But one by one all of them were killed off, their queer romances unrequited, until Supernatural was the only one of its’ generation left standing. 

And they should have acknowledged that they were a species about to become extinct. 

There are plenty of other valid and compelling reasons Supernatural should have gone full Destiel, don’t get me wrong.

A) It would have been the most emotionally satisfying ending to the series and to those characters (and that would have been reason enough). 

B) It would have stopped the manipulative queer-baiting of the (disproportionately queer) fanbase (and that would have been reason enough). 

C) It would have been queer representation of middle-aged men, of bi men, of queers who came to their queerness later in life (and any/all of those would have been reason enough). 

D) It could have been a glorious subversion of the bury your queers trope, considering how often they’ve died and been resurrected (and that would have been reason enough). 

But point E) on this list is the reason this one hurts in a singular way that no one even appears to be acknowledging. 

Almost all of the other wrongs and missed opportunities contained in this Supernatural debacle have the possibility of being rectified (at least to a degree) elsewhere. I can and I likely will get more bi male characters from TV as time goes on. I can and likely will get more middle-aged queer characters. I can and likely will get more queer characters coming to their queerness later in life, and starting queer romances later in life. I can and likely will get more queer characters who aren’t killed cheaply and prematurely. I can and likely will get more genre TV shows with sprawling myth arc plots that are resolved in a coherent, satisfying way. I can and likely will get Misha Collins and Jensen Ackles involved in other projects that value their work and their talents. 

All of those other things are at the very least POSSIBLE, and many are even likely. 

But a queer 100-150 episode slow-burn romance a la Mulder & Scully or Niles & Daphne or Booth & Bones? That is the one baton Supernatural dropped spectacularly that no one else even has the possibility of picking up again for the foreseeable future. (They don’t even write those types of romances for heterosexuals anymore!) 

Seriously. It was a TV unicorn. And rather than letting it run wild and free, they stabbed it with a rusty nail. 

***

Given the monumental shifts in the TV landscape that have occurred in the last decade, I don’t know that TV will ever go back to the slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance spanning 100-150 episodes. Today it is a miracle if you can get ANY show to last longer than 50 episodes in the first place. 

And that is the piece of this that makes it feel (to me) like they murdered a unicorn.  

Because queer people have gotten a lot of things from TV, and they will get a lot more as time goes on. But that one? That one could very well be a totally extinct species.

That is the larger missed opportunity here that has left this feeling especially hollow and destructive. That is the thing that makes me balk when people tell me to go watch Black Sails or Pose or whatever other prestige TV show is doing this representation ‘better.’ Because that’s not really the loss I am mourning here. I KNOW there is ‘better’ representation elsewhere.  

But the will-they-won’t-they/slow-burn romance is a qualitatively unique thing that queer people literally just never got. Ever. There is no substitute, no alternate, no other show I can turn to with that kind of build-up and pay-off for a queer couple, and there probably won’t be in my lifetime. Not unless the TV industry undergoes another monumental evolution similar to the streaming revolution that shifts the incentives back to telling those types of stories again. 

All those shows you want me to displace Supernatural with? None of them can give me the one thing I uniquely wanted (and could have gotten) from Supernatural. THAT ALTERNATE SHOW DOESN’T EXIST. It doesn’t exist. And I have no reason to hope it will ever exist in my lifetime. 

So stop telling me to look somewhere else; you don’t understand what made this one a unicorn. 

***

Addendum: The only other possible show that could perhaps fill this gap is It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (re: Mac/Dennis). But I’m hesitant to say it exactly meets that criteria, for a number of reasons:

1 - It’s far less serialized relative to Supernatural and (except for a handful of stand-alone episodes) very little of the story is grounded specifically in Dennis/Mac’s romantic dynamic (unlike SPN, where it is absolutely central to much of the narrative)

2 - IASIP is fundamentally satirically in nature/tone which makes it much harder to have genuine romantic pathos (not impossible, but harder) 

3 - All the characters on IASIP are fundamentally crummy people who you aren’t exactly supposed to root for. Which doesn’t mean a romance between two of them can’t have its value/charm/worth but it’s not the same as when it is between characters who unequivocally deserve nice things/happy endings

[noteguk]

hickeys | jjk | m | drabble

[ ! ] this is a “bad influence” drabble

— summary; Jungkook gets a bit jealous. Not that he’d ever admit it. 

— contents and warnings; pwp, smut, the endless adventures of badboy!jk x goodgirl!reader, enemies with benefits, jealousy/possessiveness!!, kind of angry sex (it’s one-sided, jk is going through a Moment), unprotected sex, marking (hickeys, mentions of bruises), dirty talk, overstimulation, creampie, mentions of oral (f rec) and of cum eating, jk has a big dick, the oc being clueless but overall having a good time 

— words; 2,2k 

— author’s note; this was supposed to be shorter but, well, that’s the story of my life. A few people asked for a bit of jealous!jk so here I am to deliver it 😌 Inspired by this ask I got. 

~ 

Jungkook hated the wintertime. He hated the fact that you no longer used skirts because of the cold weather, hated that you had to go away for a few weeks because of winter break and, above all, hated those stupid turtlenecks you wore. 

Not because you didn’t look good in them — in fact, he had grown to appreciate them over the weeks, the way they made your breasts pop out and how your body felt so comfortable and warm against his — but because it became extremely easy for you to cover up the hickeys he gave you. Which completely missed the point of even having hickeys in the first place. 

“Are you doing what I think you’re doing?” You asked him, fingers pulling slightly on the messy strings of his dark hair. Jungkook was hovering above you in bed, his mouth glued to the skin of your neck, sucking on the flesh. He simply moaned in response, hoping that the roll of his hips against yours would make you shut up. Which obviously didn’t happen. “You better not be doing it.” 

Jungkook pulled away from your skin with a pop!, watching the blossoming red that appeared close to your jaw. It would be hard to cover up that one. “And what if I am?” He smirked, placing a kiss against your lips. His cock was deep inside you, and it was incredibly difficult to argue with him when he was fucking you so well. Not that it would stop you from trying. “What are you going to do about it?” 

You playfully hit him on the shoulder, the frown on your face only making him smile wider. “You’re such a jerk, I’m going to spend all the concealer I have left with this one,” you complained, and Jungkook hummed and leaned back towards your neck, resuming his devilish ministrations. Only one hickey wouldn’t be enough, Jungkook realized, he wanted you to go out to buy more makeup for that. “What’s the deal with you today?” You tried again.

Jungkook’s irritated groan vibrated throughout your skin, his hands tightening around your hips as a flame of anger sparked inside his chest. His deal was that you had cancelled on him at least three times last week to go out with some stupid guy named Jimin from your Wednesday afternoon class. He knew that he shouldn’t care about it — you two were obviously not exclusive, barely even a thing, and you didn’t seem to give a single fuck when he told you about one of the girls that he was going out with. And yet there he was: pissed off out of his mind because someone else might have interest in you, fucking you hard into the mattress because he wanted you to remember that no one could be as good as he was. 

There was also a second layer of indignation when it came to that subject: Jungkook was frustrated with himself because he was balls deep inside your pussy and he couldn’t even focus on it without thinking about your stupid date. It was the fourth week of the semester, he hadn’t seen you for the entirety of winter break, and it was the first time that he was fucking you in your bed (since your roommate was out in some idiotic spiritual retreat). He could actually have you for as long as he wanted, as loud as he wanted, not a single worry about being interrupted. And how was he using that time? Being jealous of a guy he barely even knew, just because he took you out for coffee or whatever. 

It really wasn’t his best moment.  

“Jungkook, that’s so good,” you cried out, sucking him out of his thoughts. Jungkook grunted at the desperate tone of your voice, his name sounding so perfect coming from your mouth, and he just wanted to hear more of it. His cock was slipping in and out of you with ease, your wetness dripping down his length, and he forced himself to pay attention to you for the rest of the night. “I’m getting close.” 

“Yeah?” Jungkook groaned and pressed his forehead against yours — he could tell that already from the way you were tightening so perfectly around him, hugging his cock like you were meant to take it. “You like when I fuck your pussy like this, baby?” 

“Y-Yeah, I love it.” You closed your eyes, back arching off the bed as he continued to drill his fat cock in and out of you. No matter how many times he gave it to you, you couldn’t get used to the incredible pressure of his girth against your walls, filling you up so perfectly. “Feels so good…” 

“Is this all for me baby?” Jungkook finished his sentence with a particularly hard slam of his hips against yours — you didn’t even need to ask him to fuck you rougher, he already knew that was what you wanted. His eyes were a deep dark storm, glued to your parted lips as you moaned out for him, your perfect little cunt pulsating around him. Jungkook could only think about how wonderful you felt, how he couldn’t find someone better even if he tried. “Is this pussy mine? Was it made for me?”

Jungkook was fucking you so well that you could not help but nod, a pathetic whimper tearing itself from your throat as your hands fumbled to hold onto the nape of his neck. Your nails scratched his skin, the sensation making him groan. 

“Yeah, it’s yours.” You said it because you knew that it was all pretend, all his weird possessiveness that he only showed when he was hitting that deep inside you. Jungkook also knew that it was bullshit — but he allowed himself to dive into that fantasy as he felt himself throb inside you. “Fuck, Jungkook, I’m really close.” 

But he didn’t relent. Jungkook shoved his head on the curve of your neck, grunting as he quickened his pace in and out of you. He could feel your thighs trembling, your pussy fluttering around him, and yet it didn’t feel like it was enough. “Say it again,” he roared, hands digging to the flesh of your hips. It would leave a mark, both of you were aware of that, and yet there was a shared sense of wonder when you saw the purple bruises that he would leave behind. “Say that it’s mine.” 

“This pussy is yours, Jungkook,” you whined, head pressed hard against the soft pillows. At that point, you’d say and do anything he asked you to. “O-Only yours.” 

“Good girl,” he praised, his voice hoarse and deep as sin. Jungkook was drilling into you like a madman, hoping that the ache between your legs would be enough to remind you of him, of what he could do to you. He wanted you to keep that in the back of your head next time you had to pick between him and some other dude who wouldn’t know how to treat you. “All mine, this is all mine. Made for me.” 

He quickly got lost in his own praises, mind whitening out at the pleasure that monopolized his body. When you came around him, just as perfectly as you had many times before, Jungkook felt a wave of pride washing over him. It pierced its sharp teeth in his flesh, sucked him out of his worries — suddenly he didn’t give a shit about Jimin from your Wednesday class, because he knew that no amount of stupid coffee dates would ever equate to the way he had you. It was just a matter of time before you realized that as well. 

He felt you shivering beneath him, the way you always did when your pleasure was starting to become a bit too much. Jungkook leaned back so he could see your face, that blushy mess that got him sinking deeper inside you, the thin veil of tears that swam over your unfocused eyes. He would bet real money that Jimin from Wednesday class wouldn’t get you like that in a million years. Not that he was jealous or anything. It was just a fact. 

“J-Jungkook, that’s too much,” you whined. 

And he knew that it was, but he also wanted you to feel it all, and wanted you to cum around him as many times as you could. After all, you finally had some alone time, so he was definitely going to make good use of it. 

“Take it for me, baby,” he asked breathlessly, the rising pitch of his voice signaling that he was close too. Jungkook could feel his own orgasm growing closer, building up at the base of his spine and tugging at his balls, threatening to overflow. “Because I’m not done with you yet.” 

You bit your lip, fighting against a sob as he continued his frantic movements. You wanted to be good for him, wanted to fight through that sensitivity for him. But sometimes it was hard to focus, and the space between the pain and the pleasure could be a bit too long sometimes. “A-Are you close?” You asked. 

“Yeah, but it doesn’t matter,” he spat. Jungkook’s eyes zeroed in on your own, watching as a coat of desperation painted your features. “What’s the matter, baby? You don’t wanna get eaten out after I’m done here?” 

“God, Jungkook,” you said. If you weren’t so lost in the afterglow of your orgasm, you’d probably argue with him further, perhaps try and ask for the millionth time what had possessed him. But you seriously couldn’t be bothered with any more arguments and your brain wasn’t fully functional yet, so you settled for a quick and objective, “Are you trying to kill me?” 

Jungkook chuckled, lowering himself so he could place a kiss against your lips. “I'm trying to make you feel good. Let me eat my cum out of you, baby,” he teased, feeling as your walls pulsated around him at the idea. The fact that he hadn’t cum yet was a miracle on its own, because he had been about to tip over for a while now. “Unless you want to keep it inside you.” 

The interesting part was that Jungkook didn’t fully understand his second option until it had spilled from his lips. Now that it had been spoken out loud, manifested into the universe if you will, it made his cock throb with the mental imagery of you walking around stuffed with his cum, making other guys think they had a chance when you were already his. He’d seriously have to try that sometime. 

Before he could stop himself, his hooded eyes centralized on the hickeys he had embellished your neck with, and his marking was enough to make him spill himself inside you, painting your walls with waves of his warm cum. Jungkook called out what sounded like a broken version of your name, throwing his head back and listening to the wonderful whimpers you were producing for him. Just for him. 

At that point, both of you were considering buying your roommate something as a way to thank her for her wonderful idea of a spiritual retreat. 

Jungkook breathed out hard and removed his cock from your pussy, watching as the white liquid dripped between your glistening folds, accumulating on the sheets. If you weren’t so exhausted, you’d probably have yelled at him for ruining your mattress. 

“Have you made up your mind?” He asked, flickering his gaze up at you. You were such a pretty mess, and he lived for the fact that it was all because of him. “Wanna keep it in or want me to eat it out?” 

Honestly, he realized there was no wrong choice and, yet, he wanted to know what you would pick. 

You bit your lip and, after a moment of hesitation, you answered. “Eat it out,” you said. 

Jungkook smirked, lowering his head between your legs. “Good girl.” 

~ 

Jungkook saw you wearing a scarf the next day and he wanted to smack himself across the face for not considering that possibility. It hid all his efforts to mark you, didn’t make you nervous talking to other people. He could see from the faint coat of sweat on your face that you were feeling hot, but he also saw you smirking at him enough times to know that you were planning to endure that for as long as necessary. He was stupid to believe he’d actually get what he wanted for once: it had been too easy. 

He really fucking hated the wintertime. 

~ 

Check out the rest of the bad influence collection! 

Taglist: @youurkryptonite @taehyungieskith​ @fan-ati–c​ @btstrasht​ @crazy4myself​ @sashimi-mochi @ft-multi @kooafraid @dianaaviny @ggukkieland @cryinginmypromdress @kissestothesky

[marvelouspeterparker]

pretty special

PAIRING: pornstar!sebastian stan x pornstar!reader

SUMMARY: you shoot your first scene with the acclaimed and widely admired adult film star, sebastian stan.

WARNINGS: cliché porn scenario (dad's friend) + daddy kink + age gap + dirty talk + oral (m and f rec.) + unprotected sex + creampie

WORD COUNT: 4.3k

NOTES: this was part of this fic for tom but i extracted it in case some sebastian fans that don't read for tom wanted to read it, since i'm going to be writing for him now :)

––✧––

You were a bit nervous walking into work––working with one of the biggest stars was understandably a daunting experience. You didn’t want to seem like a complete amateur next to him, especially not when you were working with him. And on top of that, you’d been watching his videos for years now, since you were a teenager, and he never once lost his charm or his spark.

You could see how he’d evolved throughout all of his videos––when he was just a young fresh face that captured the hearts of many, to his long-haired phase, to his short hair and stubble phase, each and everyone one was just as enchanting and seductive.

You’d seen the way he managed to have chemistry with every actress he worked with––how they would all fall under his allurement, get flustered from just one look. If you were being honest, you could see Tom becoming the next actor of that status––he’d already had such a good reputation among the industry and the viewers seemed to love him as well. So the fact that you were going to get the opportunity to be with both of them? Well not at the same time, but if you did, you would most certainly melt on the spot. But even separately––You felt like you were going to combust.

Sebastian was now in his late thirties, but he looked better than ever, his eyes just as smoldering, even through a screen. He kept his hair short now and often let his beard grow out, which you personally loved. Since he had a very promising reputation––and everyone that he’s worked with has only had enticing things to say about him and his skills, you couldn’t say that you weren’t excited and honored to work with him.

The scene you were filming today took place in multiple places, all of which were in a home––so for work today you showed up to one of the many unfinished houses the agency used for filming. Within no time you were dressed and in the makeshift makeup room in one of the spare bedrooms with Olive, the makeup artist, putting the finishing touches on your face. Your look was supposed to be more natural today so it didn’t take too long since you only needed some light coverage.

“You nervous sweetie?” She asked, dabbing the beauty blender under your eyes.

You looked up at her, a sheepish smile on your face. “Of course I am, it’s Sebastian Stan.”

She waved you off, “Oh don’t be. He’s the sweetest thing, really.” She placed the beauty blender on the vanity. “You know a little birdie told me that he asked for you personally.”

Your eyes widened in shock. “What? Are you serious?”

She nodded, pursing her lips. “And he doesn’t do that for just anyone, so he must think you’re pretty special.” She started cleaning up her station. “That should put you at ease, right?”

“I mean…” You looked into the mirror and trailed off when you noticed a familiar face walk into the room. You’d never seen him in person until now, so far only watching him on the screen of your phone in the privacy of your room––but seeing him in front of you was something else.

Olive noticed you trail off and turned curiously before her eyes settled on the man walking towards her. He walked over to your makeup artist, a big smile on his face as he opened his arms. “Olive! How are you?”

She smiled, hugging him back. “I’m good honey, how are you?”

He bit his lip, failing to tame his grin when they both pulled away. “I’m good.” He turned to you, “Especially since I’m going to be filming with this one today.” You got up to walk over to him and he smiled, placing a hand on your waist and kissing your cheek in greeting. He looked down at you and you could genuinely feel yourself drowning in his eyes. How were you going to manage looking into them while he was literally inside of you?

“Hi doll, how are you? It’s so nice to finally meet you.”

“Hi.” You cleared your throat when your voice came out weaker than expected but before you could continue, Olive interrupted you.

“She’s a little nervous, Seb.” You looked over to her like an annoyed daughter, berating her with your eyes as she walked away from you both, a glint in her eyes, but Sebastian’s eyes never left your face. You looked back to him to find a smirk on his face and you smiled awkwardly.

“There’s nothing to be nervous about honey,” he brought a hand under your chin and tilted your head up when you looked away. “I promise I don’t bite,” he leaned in to whisper in your ear. “That is, unless you want me to.”

You felt a shiver run down your spine and he chuckled as he pulled away to look at you. “Seems like you want me to, hm?”

You licked your lips subconsciously and he smiled, taking your hand in his. “Well you know, I asked for you personally?”

You blinked up at him, “Yeah I heard.”

He smiled, rolling his eyes as he pointed his thumb behind him at Olive’s retreating figure. “From that one I bet.” You smiled and nodded and he shook his head pretending to be exasperated, but the smile on his face contradicted that.

“Why did you? Ask for me?” You asked sheepishly, not wanting to come off as rude. But it was a little strange to have such a big star ask for you when you’re not even that established of an actor yet.

His thumb rubbed the back of your hand soothingly but the action was only sending tingles down your body. “Well I’ve seen your work,” he tilted his head. “And I know talent when I see it.” He stepped closer to you so that his breath was teasing your lips ever so slightly, his eyes piercing yours. “I also know a good girl when I see one.”

Your breath hitched, your thighs pressed together and he squeezed your hand playfully. “We’re gonna have some fun today.” He started to tug you along. “Let’s go, okay?”

You nodded, the nerves in your stomach quickly turning to excitement and lust. “Okay.”

–––

You weren’t going to take pictures before the scene today––Sebastian, having been in the industry for some time now, and having made a name for himself, was able to pull some strings nowadays and have more control over what he wanted. He didn’t really like the idea of faking for the camera, so much so that he didn’t take photos before the scenes he shot, he convinced the crew to take action shots while they were filming, so the reactions were real.

The directors knew not to rush him or the actresses he worked with during his scenes, and for that reason, no one that ever worked with him had to hurry up and fake their climaxes for the camera––they were all completely genuine and just as mind-shattering as they appeared on screen.

The scene you were filming today was different than anyone you’d done before. You were playing a young daughter who’s come home from college for the summer, and Sebastian was playing your “father”’s friend. It was a slightly controversial theme and story, but at the end of the day it wasn’t real so.

After greeting everyone, going over a few last minute things, and getting settled, the scene began.

Your “dad” and Sebastian were in the living room, talking while they watched tv for a few minutes, and you waited for your cue to step out. You came down the stairs and the camera followed you as you descended and panned out to show the three of you as you walked past them to go to the kitchen. You could feel Sebastian’s gaze trailing down your body as scripted, the camera focusing on him as he checked you out, your body also in focus as you moved by the lens.

“Excuse me young lady,” your fake father recited his line and you turned back a sweet smile on your face as you looked at him.

“Yes daddy?”

“Don’t be rude,” he chastised, “Say hello to our guest. My buddy from work, you’ve met him a few times over the past couple years, remember?”

You let your eyes fall to Sebastian and your smile widened. “Oh, right!” You walked over to him. “I’m so sorry. So nice to see you again!” You bent down and watched him take a sharp inhale as his gaze fell to your breasts before you wrapped your arms around him in a hug.

He brought his arms around you and squeezed tight, his hands lingering when you pulled away, his voice low. “Yeah it’s really nice to see you too.” He licked his lips before looking back up into your eyes and you felt your stomach flutter from the look in them. “You’ve really grown up since I last saw you.”

You shrugged as well, turning to see your “dad” not paying attention to your conversation before leaning in to whisper in Sebastian’s ear. “Way more than you know.” He bit his lip and you giggled before walking off, feeling his eyes stuck to your ass that was peeking out of your shorts.

You went to the kitchen to get a snack, conveniently walking so that the camera didn’t pick up the unfinished portion of the house, nearby. You followed the script, pretending to look around, a thoughtful look on your face as you picked up random fruits while Sebastian stared at you from the other room. After a minute or two, you turned around and went into the fridge, scanning the almost empty shelves before bending down to look near the bottom.

You felt a pair of hands slide over your ass to hold your waist and a rather impressive bulge press into your backside. “Pardon me.” You could hear the smirk in his gravelly voice as he reached over you, your body still bent over and pressed into his front. He grabbed a bottle from the top shelf before pulling away and leaning against the counter next to the fridge. You looked to the side to see him opening a bottle of water, a cheeky smile on his face as he shamelessly checked you out. “Just getting water.” He sipped from it without looking away from you and you bit your lip.

“Of course.” You closed the fridge and walked up to him as he was tilting the bottle down from his lips. You reached over behind him on the counter, while subtly grabbing his bulge in his jeans. He gasped and looked down at your hand, then across to the other room to make sure your “father” wasn’t watching before turning his head to you.

You bat your eyelashes up at him, teasingly innocent and brought your hand back to show the banana you’d just gotten. “And I was just getting a snack.” You squeezed him harder and pulled away completely, leaning on the kitchen island across from him as you peeled the fruit. His eyes were mesmerized as he watched you lick along the banana, your gaze unwavering. You slowly put the fruit into your mouth as far as you could go and his jaw dropped as you started bobbing your head up and down.

Just as it stated in the script, ever so distracted and preoccupied, his hand “accidentally” squeezed the water bottle and water splashed everywhere and all over the floor. He cursed loudly and your “dad” perked up.

“Everything alright?”

Sebastian looked up, convincingly looking flustered and you turned. “Yeah! We just spilled some water, but it’s okay I’ll clean it up!”

“Okay. Thank you sweetheart.”

You turned back around and grabbed some napkins, getting down on your knees in front of Sebastian and his eyes followed you all the way down. You half heartedly wiped down the tiles before looking up at him. Your eyes trailed down his body and you smirked, grabbing his hand. “Your hand is all wet. Let me get that for you.” Before he could say anything, you swiped your tongue along his fingers. You kept your eyes on his as your tongue made its way around his hand. You slipped two of his fingers into your mouth and he paused before slowly sliding them in and out, almost making you gag and you smiled up at him as you pulled off.

Your hands slid up his legs, one of them grazing his bulge as you made your way up to his zipper but his hand stopped you from going any further. He clenched his jaw, looking ahead before looking back down at you. “Your dad––”

You shook your head eagerly, “He won’t see anything.” The kitchen island was conveniently tall enough to hide you, so you weren’t lying. “You just have to be quiet.” You blinked up at him. “Can you do that?”

He bit his lip. “Shit––” He brought a hand up to rub the back of his head and let go of the hand of yours that he was holding. “O––Okay.” His hand came down to caress your cheek gently and you quickly turned your head to kiss his palm before reaching up and slowly unzipping his jeans. You pulled his pants and briefs down a bit before pulling his cock out and stroking it lightly but he quickly captured your attention again before you could gawk at his size, his hand firmly grabbing your jaw to make you look up at him. “Keep your eyes on me baby girl, got it?” You nodded immediately.

“Yes, got it.”

His grip tightened. “Yes who?”

You tilted your head, pretending to be confused. “Yes… daddy?”

He smiled, cooing down at you. “Such a good girl.” He briefly glanced up to the living room before looking back at you. “Now spit on daddy’s cock. Get it nice and wet for me.”

You nodded, “Yes daddy.” You gathered the drool in your mouth before spitting on his cock and stroking it. You licked along the base before wrapping your lips around his tip, swirling your tongue around it and sucking hard, making him grip the counter behind your head.

He cursed, “That mouth is fucking amazing, doll.”

You smiled as best you could around him, knowing that that line wasn’t in the script––you were just doing a good job and he felt the need to let you know. You felt yourself get wetter in your shorts and luckily enough, your next instruction was to bring a hand down to touch yourself in the scene. Your hand slipped past your cotton shorts and you brought your fingers down to swipe through your wetness and spread it along your slit before rubbing your clit. You hummed around Sebastian’s length and he pulled you into him, a hand around the back of your neck as he shallowly thrust into your mouth, not wanting to hurt you or make you gag too hard.

“God, are you touching yourself baby girl?” You looked up at him, pretending to be embarrassed and he chuckled breathlessly. “Such a filthy little slut aren’t you? Touching yourself, sucking my big cock and calling me daddy while your real father is sitting just in the other room…” He tutted playfully. “What a naughty fucking girl you are.” You whined and his mouth dropped open as you started sucking harder.

“Gonna make me cum. Keep doing that. Yes, just like that.”

Your “father” spoke up, asking Sebastian if he was coming back and Sebastian gulped, looking up at him with wide eyes as you stroked him quickly, your mouth sucking his tip loudly and harshly. He coughed in a useless attempt to cover the sound and looked around awkwardly. “Uh yeah! Yeah, just uh in a minute.”

“Okay but the game’s getting good man! Don’t wanna miss it.” He paused, “Hey have you seen my daughter around?”

You hummed around Sebastian and his eyes rolled back for a second before he straightened out. “Uh no, nope I haven’t seen her.”

“Huh, well I’m sure she’s fine. She knows how to take care of herself.”

Sebastian looked down at you, your hand still between your thighs. “Damn right she does.” His tongue swiped over his bottom lip as he locked eyes with you. “Know how to take care of me too, don’t you?” He nodded, “Mhm, yes you do.” Seeing him above you like that, hearing the praises he was whispering to you in his deep voice were enough to get you worked up. You could feel yourself getting closer and just as your cue came to orgasm, you didn’t have to fake it. You moaned and your back straightened out, your thighs closing around your hand as you came in your shorts. You blinked, snapping yourself out of your reverie and started bobbing your head up and down and Sebastian bit his fist, his hand gripping your neck as he thrusted a few times before cumming in down your throat.

You sucked around him as he throbbed in your mouth and he breathed out roughly as he pulled out. You smiled up at him, showing his release to the camera before swallowing it and showing him your tongue afterwards. He pulled you up and took the hand that was in your shorts, bringing it up to his lips before slipping your two fingers coated in your wetness, into his mouth. He kept his eyes on yours as he licked and sucked them clean, a seductive look in his stare.

Your lips parted in arousal and shock as he pulled away, a smirk on his face. “Delicious.” Your hand fell down to your side and you blinked a few times, looking up at him.

“Come find me in my room so you can return the favor.” You smiled and walked up to your room without looking back.

He tucked himself back into his pants and went after you after a few minutes, excusing himself to use the bathroom upstairs.

The director yelled cut and you had a ten minute break to freshen up before the next part of the scene. You didn’t have a lot to touch up so by the time Sebastian came up you were already in the bedroom for the next part. He came into the room a few minutes before you had to film again, eyes finding you as you sat on the bed.

He smiled softly, licking his lips and you pressed your thighs together which didn’t go unnoticed by him. “That mouth really is something else, doll.” He laughed, “Almost made me forget where I was.”

You bit your lip as the camera crew came in, setting everything up. You looked up at him and smiled sheepishly. “That’s a good thing, right?”

There was a glint in his eyes as he looked at you. “A really damn good thing, yeah.”

Feeling the heat of his gaze, you averted your eyes and you could sense him smile as he walked out of the room, preparing to film the last part of the scene. The crew made sure the lighting was alright and set up the cameras and the microphones before the director called action.

The camera focused on you as you pretended to scroll mindlessly on your phone as the other camera followed Sebastian up the steps. He paused, making sure no one was around before opening your door, slipping in and shutting it behind him.

You looked up and smirked, setting your phone aside. “I was starting to think you weren’t going to show up.”

He pulled his shirt off as he walked towards the edge of the bed. “And miss my chance to taste that sweet pussy? You must be crazy.”

You laughed breathlessly as he climbed onto the bed and pulled you down to his level by your ankles. You smiled up at him and he captured your lips in a passionate kiss and you found yourself getting lost in the feeling of him on top of you. You slid your hands up to tug his hair and he growled, taking your wrists and pinning them above your head, making you gasp as he pressed himself into you and tilted his head to lick along your neck.

You arched your back under him and he continued to rub himself against you, only making you more desperate. After a few moments and a change of camera angles, he pulled your shirt off and slid down to pull your shorts off as well. He spread your legs slowly but firmly, his hands digging into your thighs as he glanced up at you, moving his head to press teasing kisses to your soft skin.

He kissed his way up your leg before licking a long stripe up your heat, his lips soon coming around to leave wet kisses to your slit. You brought your hands down to grip the sheets and he was quick to let go of your thighs and held your hands in his, by your sides.

Normally in these videos, the actors wouldn’t actually eat the actress out properly, only flicking their tongue lightly, wanting to show the camera and the viewers everything––but Sebastian wasn’t a fan of that method, so he buried his face between your thighs, eating you like you were his last meal.

“Taste so fucking sweet.” He smirked up at you when you whined, your fingers squeezing around his hands, as you squirmed under his hold. His tongue was lapping you up loudly but purposefully as he shook his head ferociously, groaning into you as your hips started to buck into his mouth.

“F––Fuck!”

He growled and quickened his pace before he wrapped his lips around your clit and sucking hard. Soon, your head fell back and your mouth dropped open, your back arching as you let out a silent cry. Your thighs tightened around his head when he let go of one of your hands and palmed your breast, tugging and teasing your nipples. He kept going until your legs were trembling, and only then did he pull away, licking his lips as he unbuttoned his pants and hastily tugged them off, throwing them off the bed.

He stroked his cock a few times before getting back between your legs and sliding it through your wetness. He tapped the tip on your clit and smiled when you jolted from the sensation. He then slid into you slowly, bottoming out smoothly, his hands pressing your thighs open so he could see all of you. He thrusted into you a few times slowly before picking up the pace gradually.

His eyes were transfixed on the way your pussy was swallowing him whole, clenching around him but one glance at your blissed out face had him twitching inside of you.

“Look at you. Taking my cock while your dad’s downstairs. Naughty girl.” He pounded into you hard and you moaned loudly. He brought a hand up to cover your mouth, leaning close to you as he kept pounding into you, your pleading eyes looking up at him. “Gotta be quiet baby girl, okay? Just stay there and take my cock like a good girl.”

You nodded, your hands coming up to hold his wrist as your eyes rolled back. He brought a hand down to rub at your clit and thrusted into you faster and you moaned behind his hand, your hips moving of their own accord.

“That’s it. Take that cock.”

In no time, he had you coming around his cock, his eyes watching you as you came undone, your body tensing before dropping back down to the bed gracefully, as if it were deflating. Just as you caught your breath, he pulled out and flipped you over onto your hands and knees.

“You okay baby?”

You nodded, smiling back at him. “Please fuck me.”

He groaned and slapped your ass before sliding back inside your tight walls. He grabbed your hips and fucked into you hard, the sound of your skin slapping against each other loud and enticing. He was moaning and cursing, pulling your hips back into his as he thrusted his cock into your opening. Your walls were tightening around him, coaxing him to tip over the edge.

His movements became more frantic, his fingertips turning white from the force he was using. “Fuck fuck fuck, gonna cum––”

You moaned at the ragged nature of his voice, the desperate pleas falling from his lips as he used you. “Please cum inside me, daddy.”

He cursed and came with a loud groan, his head falling back as he kept fucking you to prolong his high. His pace faltered and he soon slowed down before pulling out and moving aside to let the camera show the cum dripping out of you.

Once the camera got the shot, he slapped your ass playfully and grabbed it before pulling you up to sit on him. “Such a good girl.” He brought his hands up from your ass to your jaw and pulled you in for a reeling kiss. He licked into your mouth languidly, your tongues playing with each other as you both sighed and moaned into the kiss. He slipped a hand back down to play with your ass and you giggled, giving each other two more short kisses before pulling away and looking at each other, your eyes still cloudy with lust.

The director yelled cut and the shoot was over. Sebastian kept his eyes on you for a moment longer, his hands caressing your body. He kissed your cheek and whispered in your ear. “Knew you’d be a good girl for me.”

You whimpered and he grinned pulling back to look at you. “That was fucking amazing, doll. What’d you think?”

You shook your head, a smile on your lips. “I feel like I’m on cloud nine honestly.”

He smirked. “We’re definitely doing this again.”

––✧––

@ marvelouspeterparker 2021 –– please do not repost anywhere

[wolfstarlibrarian]

Hi librarian, I hope you're doing well. I'm super grateful for your blog and your recs always get me through whatever I've got going on. I was wondering if you have a list for meet-ugly fics, they're my favorites

Hello friend! Your sweet asks always make this Librarian smile, and hopefully this list of fics will return the favor. There are…a lot of fics in this category so there are even more fics below the cut. Happy reading!

💞 Wolfstar Meet Uglies 😅

St-rain-gly Familiar by Judeyjude

prompt: Remus is having a terrible day. To top it all off, when he gets caught in a sudden downpour his umbrella refuses to open. Luckily for Remus, a black haired stranger comes to his rescue. The rescuing doesn't go quite as planned...

Smoke Signals by @kattlupin

Sirius Black, the reluctant God of Black Island, has his world turned upside down. Not by the smoldering volcano that has come back to life and is threatening to blow its top and destroy them all at any moment, but by the islands mysterious, surfing, pot smoking inhabitant, Remus Lupin.

The "Sweetest, Kindest Person" by @kittycargo

Lily's friend Remus comes to the dental office where Sirius works to have his wisdom teeth removed.

Strangers on a Plane by @halictus-writer

Sirius is planning on reading during his short flight. But his seatmate is rather handsome, if not a little standoffish. They're both short on tact today.

Operation Puppy Love by @goodboylupin

After a long string of failures, Sirius must take on the mantle of Man's Best Friend to help James win over one Lily Evans. As a treat for his good deeds, he meets the man of his dreams.

The Social Penetration Theory by @catewip

When Remus Lupin gets distracted by his insanely attractive new classmate, technology rebels and chaos ensues.

Fine Motor Skills by @my-coming-of-age-novel

Sirius Black's car needs work—again. Meanwhile, Remus Lupin is amused to see his favorite customer back at his mechanic's shop. An ode to classic "tattoo artist meets florist" fics, this "mechanic meets bookstore owner" one subverts the trope so the exact opposite marauder that you would expect to own each shop does.

To Fall for/on the Northern Line by @ptarmiganlettercarrier

What happens when the only other guy on the train trips over you? Well... if you're Sirius Black, maybe you start to flirt. And maybe, just maybe, he flirts back.

Tom Jones (A Love Story) by @wook77

The story in which Remus is a street musician, Sirius is a self-important banker that spends more on his coat than Remus makes in a month, James is James and Peter likes Tom Jones.

Hogwarts Bouncy Castle of Love by Children_of_the_Shadows

To many, Sirius in a bouncy castle may spell disaster, but to Remus it is where he has found true love.

Swipe Left for Safety by @remywrites5

His finger hesitated over a picture of someone who absolutely couldn’t be real. He had long, dark hair that fell well past his shoulders and grey eyes that Remus thought must have been either contact lenses or photoshopped. High cheekbones and sinful lips the man looked like a model. Remus was not about to get catfished by a picture that was probably of someone famous that he just didn’t recognize. Besides, what kind of a name was Sirius anyway? It was obviously fake. He swiped left. Not today, Satan. “Hard pass on that guy, huh?” Someone said from above Remus. “Ouch.”

Huckleberry by @wolfywordweaver

One dusty morning in a small town in the middle of the Wild West a gunfight brings the best gunslinger of the Greyback Boys face-to-face with the legendary Black Grim. Who's got the fastest hands in the West?

Chance Meetings, Therapeutically by @halictus-writer

Sirius is getting himself through post-divorce life when he re-meets the husband of the man his husband was cheating on him with.

Be Nice to the Wait Staff by wannnabesuper

Inspired by the instagram @overheardbumble: "I ended the date early because he was rude to the waiter." "Ugh, I hate that." "I know...But I ended up going home with the waiter, so it was worth it."

Headband by diiiangelo

When Remus finally agreed to go watch a soccer game with Lily, he didn’t know that the most gorgeous man he had ever seen would be playing. He also definitely didn’t count on said man kicking the ball right at his head.

Something Beautiful -orphaned account

When Remus Lupin's ex talks him into a drunken tattoo mistake, he goes to his friend and co-worker Lily for help. Luckily her husband's best mate is a tattoo artist who can help with the cover up. Unfortunately for Remus, the tattoo in in a rather compromising area, and he'll have to get over his embarrassment. Luckily for him, Sirius Black is just the man for the job.

Customers Only by Judeyjude

"Dragging her eyes back to Sirius, the hostess pointed a perfectly manicured nail to the sign on the podium that read: Restroom for Customers Only." A charming stranger saves Sirius Black from a sticky situation when little Harry's on the verge of wetting himself.

The London Underground Book of Love by Children_of_the_Shadows

The cardinal rule of the London Underground is to never, ever make eye contact. It is a rule that, among many others, Sirius tends to follow despite his otherwise rebellious, non-rule-following nature. So the first time he makes eye contact with a human being in the subway comes as much of a shock to him as anyone else. Especially when he's unable to look away.

False accusations -orphaned account

It's December 1981 and Sirius has his hands full with Harry, when one afternoon he receives an unexpected visit from Child Protection Services.

On Behalf of the Souls -orphaned account

When Remus gets into an unwitting row with a couple of drunk men at the pub, the last thing he expects is for the gorgeous person at the end of the bar to come to his rescue. But the Universe seems to be interested in seeing them together, as Sirius Black finds something he likes very much about Remus Lupin, and aims to keep him.

[sitp-recs]

This Ain't the Garden of Eden by @romaine2424

Harry/Draco (2021, Explicit, 131k)

In 2020, Hit Wizard Harry is starting to enjoy his life. He’s divorced, and no longer Head Auror. His biggest project these days is trying to remodel 12 Grimmauld Place for him and the kids.

Draco Malfoy is recovering from his wife’s death. But is happy with his Ministry position as Temporary Head of the Department of Intoxicating Substances, and with his son who he adores. This all changes quickly when Minister Shacklebolt decides not to run for another term.

“Harry, you’ve always been my first choice,” he repeated and then continued his walk and stopped behind Draco, placing his hands firmly on his shoulders as if to inhibit any comment Draco was thinking of saying. “The last words that Albus said to Remus and me was ‘Harry is the best hope we have. Trust him.’ I still believe those words are true today.”

This rec has been sitting in my drafts since I finished Career Fest and patiently waited for the reveals. I wasn’t 100% happy about my writing and wanted to review it before posting but then the Holidays came, I got busy and in the meantime I read two older fics by Romaine that I fell in love with (my fingers were itching to rec them but I had already written all of this so here’s a big shoutout, go check these asap: The Taste of Magic and Survival of the Species. Now I finally found a decent banner pic I get to share my appreciation for this Fan Fair longfic, and hopefully will send more readers its way 🙌

I’m probably not the only one here but thanks to Femme I became a huge fan of Wizarding Politics in fic, especially when there’s election campaigns and secret office romance involved. Such a perfect trope! It goes without saying that Eden’s tags alone got me super excited but before starting this fic I had no idea I’d get so smitten and invested! I literally couldn’t stop to catch my breath, I’ve always found 40yo Drarry very refreshing like a comfort trope, and I can’t praise the pacing and dialogue enough, they’re both fantastic here. Every bit of conversation is masterfully crafted to serve both the plot and character development. It was rewarding to see this mature version of Harry and Draco come together - the casual flirting (so so good!! The club sequence in chapter 2 now lives rent free in my mind), the tentative but welcomed sexual tension, the sort of quiet understanding which I found so lovely? I don’t know how to explain but for such a long fic (one where the romance starts pretty early on) I was beyond impressed by how the author managed a clever balance of growing trust, domestic intimacy and sexual tension between two fascinating and complex characters, without leaving the plot aside.

And while we discuss characterization, I think that’s the element that really hit me in the feels here: Harry and Draco are so very human. They look and sound and act like real people, and I’ve had so many “hey that’s totally something I’d say or do!” moments reading their interactions. Every line, whether serious or teasing, feels genuine and relatable as we watch them come together and embrace their vulnerabilities. I love it when characters are that open and show some emotional maturity, and here it flows in a convincing way. From flirting to comfort to sex, this fic melted my heart through mundane and not-so-mundane situations, allowing me to watch their life together both as partners and co-workers. In my opinion the fic did a great job balancing those two fronts and keeping us invested on both the romance and the plot.

A few other things checked my personal boxes here: Harry as a Hit Wizard! I love the reality of his job and those cool Apparition privileges he gets, it was super fun to follow his missions and understand the dynamics of it. Fantastic side characters! I’m already mourning this incredible Kingsley and his lovely friendship with both Harry and Draco - he’s not a character usually explored in fic so I really appreciated seeing him up and close in a more adult setting, interacting on equal footing despite his position of power. Last but not least, I wanna give major kudos to the scorching, tender, adventurous and intense smut sequences including some of my personal faves office sex and lingerie kink, delicious 🤤 Run don’t walk, and go check this amazing journey right now!

Read on AO3

[hoodieofholland]

Professor Tom x cheerleader reader ( part 2?)

- the reader goes and takes his exam, she decides to wear her uniform, she gets a good score on the test, and after class Tom gives her a reward

( sexual tension when he sees her in the uniform and then smut after class )

A/n: this was WILD to write, and i luv it. This is loooong, so prepare yourself!

Warnings: smut (+18, dni if you're a minor), oral (f rec), fingering (f rec), protected sex, little praise kink, little sir kink.

"Alright, people, we'll get started as soon as you're ready to take the test", Tom says as he prepares the amount of paper on his desk, flipping through them to make sure everything is set up for the first exam in the semester.

The students are taking their seats, a small crowd whispering and whimpering loudly as they nervously make their own preparation for the most feared day of the year.

Mr. Holland rests his arms, crossed over his chest, as he takes a look to the class before grabbing the papers, his eyes looking for a specific student on their own desire. He didn't want to even think about it, to make it more clear to himself, but he was looking for you. Miss y/n, his most brilliant student, always perfectly on time, was late today. He pondered about taking his time to give the exam, so he could give you a few more minutes to arrive, but he didn't want to be more unprofessional than he was already feeling like.

He sighed in frustration, but before he could start walking around the class to hand out the papers, the door cracked open and you walked in.

Tom's eyes flipped immediately at you, jaw tightening as soon as he looked at the way you were dressed to attend his test.

It wasn't exactly warm outside, but you were wearing your cheerleading outfit now, a tight short yellow skirt, an equally tight gym top and yellow socks that reached your knees, letting your thighs bare. It wasn't warm, yet you chose to wear the outfit that left little to imagination.

Tom's eyes widened, caught out of guard. You were naturally gorgeous, in your very formal and usual clothes, the ones you wore for classes, but right now... right now you were beyond anything he has seen in that classroom.

"Sorry, Mr. Holland", you smiled apologetically. However, there was a hint of a smirk on the corner of your lips, result of the joy you were feeling for your professor's reaction to your entrance. "I got lost on time"

Sure you could make the important test on time, but it wouldn't give you all the attention you wanted as soon as you stepped Mr. Holland's class. It took you the entire night to figure out that was what you wanted since you two changed words in his car, but when you finally chose to give it a try, you decided to wear that same outfit from practice, regard from the sweater you were wearing back then to protect you from the coldness. Now, you left your arms exposed, breasts beautifully hugged by the material of your top and even a small part of your stomach bare, since the skirt only covered to your waist.

Tom knew he should give you an advertence for being late, and he was sure that if it was any of his other students, he would have done it. But Tom also knew he treated you differently, and not only because you were his best student - also because he was attracted to you in many ways.

This is so wrong, he thought to himself, but couldn't help the words that was slipping out of his mouth.

"It's okay, Miss y/l/n. Take a seat, we're about to get started".

You do as you're told, taking the nearest seat to his desk, the one that usually people avoid to not get so close to the professor. The small crowd of girls that were always excited to watch Mr. Holland in his classes and always made sure to seat close to him, now were in the back, too scared of the exam to pay some attention to the hot man.

You were fine with it. After studying a whole night, you were confident you were going to do well.

Mr. Holland handed you the paper and couldn't help but exchange look with you. Your legs felt weak for a moment, staring into those beautiful bright brown eyes, but you regained some composure before concentrate on test again.

***

A week passed since your test, and Professor Holland was set to start his class sharply on time, as always. This time, you didn't wear your cheerleading clothes, but still got a bit more dressed up than necessary for class.

Mr. Holland saw the moment you crossed the door, a small smile covering your lips. He stared at it for good five seconds straight until you took your seat.

"Good morning, everyone!", he said, clearing his throat as he got up from his desk to start his lecture. "I already finished grading your tests, so I'm going to hand it to you with my notes by the end of this class".

You crossed one leg over another, too caught up on your thoughts about your professor to actually care about the class. You knew it was useless to struggle to pain any attention to what he was saying. Though his abilities speaking and explaining were undoubtedly amazing, Tom's charm was distracting itself, and even worse when he spent the whole morning eyeing you every now and then.

You weren't so convicted that there was something really happening there, but you couldn't help the excitement running through your veins each time he gave you a side look, as if he was trying to avoid it.

By the end of the class, you were packing your things, slowly, as you weren't excited at all to go to your next class. Most people did their way out of the classroom, only a few small groups being left. You've already received your test back, being extremely satisfied with your high score, though a lot of your classmates couldn't tell the same.

So when you got up from your seat and walked to the door's direction, you were surprised to hear Mr. Holland's voice.

"Miss y/l/n, can I please have a word with you about your test?"

You blink a few times, suddenly nervous with the subject. A lot of thoughts passed through your mind, asking yourself if maybe he made a mistake and your score wasn't that high after all. Maybe he thought that you cheated on the test, maybe-

"Miss y/l/n?"

Your heartbeat is fast by now, and you watch as the few students leave you behind with Mr. Holland facing you sternly.

You gulp. Damn, you think to yourself, he's going to warn me, I was staring at the man the whole fucking day. He's going to punish me for being such a-

"Yes, Mr. Holland", you walk to his desk, test on your hand, that is slightly shaky. Mr. Holland look at the paper and shows his hand so you could give it to him.

He's wearing his usual clothes - the only type of wearing you've ever seen him in - a black sweater, sometimes with a turtleneck, and some really nice trousers. Mr. Holland was always dressed up in a not very casual set of clothes, but you liked it. It matched his professional and intelligent look.

"What's the matter, Mr. Holland?", you can't help yourself from asking, nervously fidgeting with your fingers. "Is something wrong?"

He looked distracted for a moment, flipping through the papers, as his eyebrows lift an his eyes avert from your writing.

"No, no, Miss y/l/n. There's nothing wrong here", he smiled warmly at you, eyes bright as always.

You sigh in relief, but still don't get the point at why he called you after class. "So..."

"I was just going to congratulate you, for your grades. But I'm also really curious about how you deal with it all", he rests his index finger and thumb over his chin, the trace of his smile still there. "You know, cheerleading at day, brilliant student at night".

You take a few seconds to realise that was the casual tone he used with you in his car, while he drove you home. He was just being friendly, not professionally. He must have liked the talk you both had, and that caught you out of guard.

Because no matter the fact that you dressed up to his test to get his attention, no matter how much confidence you had walking in his class, right now, with his bright brown eyes staring at you, all you could feel was your knees going weak, your mouth slightly dry.

"Well, I got the best professor in the department, so... not so hard", you smile, tugging your hand on the strap of your backpack.

Mr. Holland chuckles and shakes his head, collecting the papers and handing it back to you.

"And how is the TA work going? Are you enjoying it?"

You bite your lip slightly. You wanted to tell the truth, that you were expecting to see him more while doing this, that it was one of the main reasons why you accepted the job, but you wouldn't dare to say it out loud.

"Yeah, it's great. Don't think being a professor is my thing, though, for all that matters. It's a valid experience", you shrug.

Tom shakes his head in agreement, and both of you fall silence, staring at each other. Your eyes slowly avert to his lips, his thin yet tempting lips. It's just a matter of seconds until he speaks again.

"So, you're free to go now. Don't want you to miss your next class", he says as he gets up from his seat to get his belongings together. You look at his hands working, the prominent vein on his arm showing, and gulp.

"Fuck, wish I could be dismissed from that one", you whimper without realising what you're saying. Mr. Holland looks at you with a cocked eyebrow.

"Watch your language, y/n, I'm still your professor", he says in a stern voice, but you can see the joy on his eyes. He's joking.

So you decide to play along.

Bitting your lips, you cross your arms over your chest, a sassy expression on your face.

"Then why are you calling me by my name, Mr. Holland?", you tease innocently, and he turns his head to look at you. Discreetly, his eyes go to your lips, the way your teeth are grazing over it, just like he wished he could do-

"Clever remark". He smirks. "But you've told me to, remember?"

"Right", you bounce back and forth on your feet. "Does it make us friends or something?"

Mr. Holland looks at you with a puzzled face, quite intrigued by your speech and how casual you sound about it.

"Well, that would not be very professional of me", he said, eyes not leaving your figure, slightly narrowed.

"But that's not something that would bother me, Mr. Holland", you smile. "And I'd never judge you anything but strictly professional, if that matters".

His smile widens. "Yeah, it does". Tom puts some papers inside of folders that he brought to the classroom. He paused, staring at the desk as if he was far in his thoughts. "Tell me, Y/N, is it really that weird if we get to like each other? I mean, more than a student gets to like her favorite professor?"

You heart loses a beat, not entirely prepared for the subject to switch so quickly.

"I don't- think so", you say as soon as you find your voice.

Tom's shoulder visibly relax. "Good. Cause I really like spending time with you".

He throws his bag's strap over his shoulder and look at you, who's standing a lot closer now.

"Can I ask you something?", you say, barely in an audible voice. Tom nods.

You can sense everything now - the heat radiating from his body, his not so regular breathing, the way he clench his hand around the strap of his bag as a reaction to your question. It's all just under your nose, waiting for his confirmation that what was going on between the two of you was real.

But maybe you didn't have to ask it. Maybe that's what would end up bringing you two to nothing but a blushing face. So you decide otherwise. You decide to take a step further and ignore the discomfort on your stomach that almost yells you to stop as an instinct. You swallow hard as you walk closer to Mr. Holland. He watches your every move cautiously, eyes travelling from your eyes to your hands and chest, and then your lips.

That's it, you tell yourself, he wants it too.

And as easy as it is for you to realise you had a big fucking crush over your English professor, you can see that he does like you too.

You drop your backpack slowly, his eyes never leaving your face. "If this is messed up, please tell me to stop", your voice is a whisper, but he can hear it, he can hear everything. He can hear your breathe coming harshly from your nose.

He hesitates, but at the end he knew he couldn't fight that anymore. Mr. Holland brings his hand to your waist and the other to cup your cheek. His bag is now on the floor, matching yours. There's a frown between his brows, deep enough to make it clear that he's going through an inner fight.

"That's okay", you say, looking directly into his eyes, a wave of confidence bringing the words freely through your lips. "I want it as much as you do".

Your faces get closer and closer, noses touching one another, and you start to close your eyes, too taken by the feeling of his touch.

"This is wrong", he whispers before swallowing.

You shakes your head negatively, inhaling the air that was filled with his scent. "No... just shut up and kiss me, Tom".

That was what he needed to bring his lips to touch yours vigorously, like he was holding himself much longer than just the couple of minutes the two of you spent together. You sigh as soon as you feel his thin lips hovering yours ever so slightly before clashing then together in a rhythmic slow burning kiss.

His presence was everywhere, his touch on your waist, still burning over the fabric of your shirt. His tongue makes its way to your mouth, finding yours.

The realization of the fact that you were making out with your professor in his classroom hit you hard, turning you on even more. Anyone could walk in and find the two of you in that state, your hands tugging on his curls, messing his once perfectly tidy hair, your lips fighting to feel one another in every way possible and your desperate whimpers every time Tom lowered his head to kiss your neck.

The wet path of his smooth kisses over the sensitive skin shivers in contrast with the cold air.

"Been dreaming 'bout this forever", Tom's accent is even thicker now, with his voice coming out husky. "Since you first talked to me, darling, since you first walked in my class".

You moan, unable to say something more, your hands clenching around the fabric of his sweater.

His face is now on the same level of your again, and when you feel his breathing hitting you, his hands cupping your face, you open your eyes slowly.

"I want you", he says it quietly, word by word in a slow flow, "But I want you to tell me if you want it too. I don't want to pressure you into anything, and I don't want you to think that I do this with my-"

"I do", you cut him off, too desperate to wait. "I want you, Tom"

Hearing you calling him by his name made Tom snap out of his own worried thoughts to concentrate on you and you only. He took your lips on his once more before saying in a quiet hurried whisper.

"Meet me in my office in five minutes. Not more, not less, just be there in five minutes".

His face held a serious expression and you couldn't help but nod quickly before he grabbed his bag, eyes never leaving your face, and walked out of the classroom.

You were left there, still out of breath, checking time up to count the most long five minutes of your entire life.

Thinking straighter, without your professor's mint scent filling up your senses, you couldn't believe that it actually happened. Only God knows how many times you caught yourself daydreaming of this day, of how sometimes you'd get yourself off by the thought of Mr. Holland having his way with you.

You walk out of the classroom and wait at one of the aisle's bench, holding your backpack tightly. The corridor was empty and you were thankful that no one was able to see your excited and nervous expression. By this moment, you wouldn't be able to hide it anymore.

So when your watch hit five minutes, you almost jumped from the bench and walked down the hall, looking for the stairs to the next floor, where you knew Mr. Holland's office was.

It was gladly at the end of the hallway. A very nice wooden board held the description "Prof. Thomas S. Holland", making your knees go weak at the realization that he was right there, waiting for you.

You almost knocked on the door, but thought it was dumb anyways, so you just turned the handle before entering the room.

Tom was standing by his desk, his back facing you. You could see the hard breathing he had by the way his shoulders were moving heavily.

"Please, don't tell you are overthinking it", you say in a low voice, closing the door quietly behind you.

Tom turns his head and smiles sweetly at you. "I'm not", he says.

You don't know what to do by now, so you just stand at the door, holding the strap of your backpack, that's hanging by your hand. Mr. Holland makes his way to you, taking his hand to cup one of your cheek, thumb caressing the skin softly.

"You're so gorgeous", he whispers.

The room is dark, only illuminated by the din light from a lamp on his desk. You can see everything, though, from his slightly moves to the small frown on his face. You flutter your eyes close as he lean into you, lips brushing over yours in a tempting way.

His hands travel to your waist, fingers deepening in your skin, making you whimper against his mouth.

You put your hands around his neck, brining him impossibly closer, and hear him groan.

Tom smashes your lips together, tongues not wasting time to collide in a passionate kiss. Yours fingers lock with his curls, pulling gently as he takes your bottom lip between his teeth.

"Shit", you moan against him, feeling the wet patch on your panties growing even more. Your walls are clenching at the thought of being so close to touch your professor inside his office.

Tom takes you abruptly, supporting your weight as he carries you to his desk, putting you to sit on it.

His hands are quick to undo the first buttons of your shirt. However, before he continues, his eyes search for yours, asking for approval, which you quickly give by shaking your head fervently. "Please", you whimper, squirming under your makeshift seat.

Tom smirks before continuing his work, the tip of his fingers brushing over the sensitive skin between your breasts as he does.

He opens your shirt, revealing the black bra that held your breasts tightly. Lowering his head, Tom lets a trail of wet kisses along the way from the base of your neck to your covered nipples.

"Please, Sir. The more I like this... I don't want foreplay right now".

Tom arcs an eyebrow at you, the pad of his fingers massaging each one of your nipples, pushing the bra's fabric aside.

"You know you don't have to call me sir now, Y/N", he says in a husky voice, a smirk in the corner of his thin lips. His eyes were glistening in pure lust as he saw you opening your legs further to get his body closer to yours. "But you want to, don't you? You like it, calling me sir. You like the thought that your professor is about to fuck you".

You bite your lip to suppress a moan, your core throbbing with desire simply for his words.

He grabs the back of your thighs and squeeze them, pulling your lower half into him. "Who would know that such a good student would be so fucking naughty", his hand goes up your bare thigh, getting closer to where you desired his hands the most.

"Please, Tom. Just- just do something". You beg him, as you watch your skirt going up, revealing your soaked panties.

Tom smiled wickedly, "Thought you wanted it to be sir instead". You're about to give him a wise answer, but then you feel his thumb pressing directly into your clothed clit, and swallow hard the lump that formed in the back of your throat.

"Damn it", you curse, opening your legs even more.

"You're so fucking wet", he states, looking to your center. You put one of your legs over the desk, allowing him to take a better look and to get a better position with his hands. "Bloody beautiful"

Tom kneels down on the floor, looking directly to your center, which made your pussy throb again in expectation. His breathing is so close to your heat that you can feel the shiver running down your spine as he gets closer.

"Is that okay, darling?" He looks into your eyes, asking for permission, and you nod yes firmly. Tom smirks, his lips connecting with your pussy. You release a moan just in right in time his tongue swirl around your entrance, teasing you.

He closes his eyes, feeling the taste of your sweet cunt filling up his senses. As soon as he fucks his tongue into you, you grab his curls, "Shit, Tom, just like that".

He moans inside of you, which made you roll your eyes back, hips bucking to create the even more friction between his tongue and your walls.

You couldn't believe that was actually happening. When most of college guys wouldn't give a shit about your pleasure when you were getting laid, there was your English professor, the most respected man in that department and also the most desired one, going down on you, tasting you like it was his last meal.

Tom puts one finger inside of you, while his tongue lap over your clit. Seeing that you adjusted pretty well, he brought another one. "Tom- I'm close"

You pull his curls tightly, bitting your lips when he hits just the right spot. "Fuck, fuck-"

"Shh, darling, can't make much noise, gonna get us caught", he said in a rushed voice, eager to bring his mouth back to you.

"Sorry, sorry", you said, bringing your free hand to cover your mouth and biting it, as you feel the sensation at the bottom of your belly, your swollen bud of nerves throbbing and showing you were about to come.

It's almost impossible to contain the stuffy sequence of pleasured sounds you released, but you try your hardest while Tom is still stimulating you through your high.

"That's it, I've got you, I've got you..."

You lean against the desk, trying to catch your breath, eyes almost closing shut. If that wasn't the best orgasm from an oral you've ever had, you didn't know which one it was. You could still feel your walls clenching around nothing, holding on into something to keep bring you back from your dizzy state.

"You alright?" Tom asks, a hint of worry on his voice as he smooths your bare legs. "We can stop if you want to-"

"No", you swallow, opening your eyes and shaking your head. "Just gimme a moment. This was- this was fucking fantastic".

Tom looked at you for a couple of minutes, his worried expression giving place to a smug one. He got up from his knees, helping you to take you foot off the desk and straight your posture. You smile at him, caught in the sight on his eyes. It was softer again.

In fact, Tom felt his heart racing inside his chest. He got the most beautiful view right in front of him. He had imagined this scene so many times he couldn't dare to admit, but none of them made justice to the reality, to the expression of pleasure on your face as you came.

"I'm okay", you say, putting your hands on his shoulders, running them down his arms. It was defined, firm and so good to touch, you couldn't wait to take that stupid sweater off. "I want more. I wanna touch you", you drop one of your hand to his crotch, massaging his covered cock, which felt painfully hard. Tom groaned, bitting his lip not softly to cover his sound.

His hands came to your jaw, cupping your face as he leaned to kiss you softly on the lips. "I really would like to feel this pretty mouth around me, darling, but maybe another time, I need to be inside of you right fucking now".

You nod your head eagerly, pulling him closer to a kiss. Your hands were quick to undo his buckle, dropping his trousers to the floor. Teasing his a little, you took a handful of his cock on your hand through his briefs, pleased by the moan he released into your mouth. But that didn't make you take any longer to pull of the material, revealing his length completely.

By the time you saw his lower half naked, with his dick standing hard and red at the tip for you, the pre cum coming out already, you felt your mouth watering, and you knew that if it wasn't for the fact that you wanted to feel him inside you as soon as he wanted it too, you'd get down on your knees just to feel him wrapped around your lips.

Tom pumped his cock a few times, taken by the sight of you staring at him with so much lust on your eyes. He smirked, his cock throbbing on his hand.

"You like it, darling?", he teased, aligning his tip with your clit to rub a few time. His voice came thicker now, "Is it enough for you?"

You lean against his chest, bitting his shoulder to contain a moan, whimpering as you feel your bud aching for more friction. "Yeah, Tom. Please, please, just fuck me already", you cry out.

"Spread your beautiful legs for me then... yeah, just like that. Good girl". He uses his cock to hit your entrance a couple of times, the tip teasing you every then and now. And then he realised. "Shit, I don't have a condom here. Fuck, I completely forgot about-"

"It's alright-", you breath out, trying to speak without letting a whimper scape. "I've got one in my backpack, just- fuck, pick it for me, I think I won't be able to walk if I get out of here right now".

Tom cocks an eyebrow at you in question, and you feel your cheeks burning at his stare. "Do you always carry a condom with you during classes?"

"What? No! I just thought-", you didn't want to admit it out loud but you also didn't want him to think other things. "I just expected this to happen some day, alright? Judge me".

Tom's face turns into a smug expression again, a smirk making his way to his lips as he chuckles lightly. "So you really wanted us to fuck this whole time, eh?"

You roll your eyes and shove his chest slightly. "Oh, fuck you".

He took a grab of your wrists, firmly, holding you in place, licking his lips. "No, I'm gonna fuck you. By the way, you should've told me sooner, I'd be very pleased to make your expectations real". Tom brushed his thumb over your bottom lip, "You have no idea of how long I've been dreaming of this. Always walking in my class, in this office, wearing those tight jeans of yours... that day in my car, all I could think about when I saw you in that fucking clothes was that I wanted to take you right there, in the backseat. My best student, the most gorgeous girl".

As he speaks, you suck his thumb inside of your mouth, licking it like it was something else. He watched you amazed, his cock twitching in excitement. "How can you be real, Miss y/n?"

You smile, lips still wrapped around his finger, before letting it go and dropping a wet kiss before saying, "Get that condom, Mr. Holland, I can't wait much longer"

"Alright", he chuckles, before turning around and looking for your backpack, following your instructions to find the pack. Tom ripped it and wrapped the condom around him with ability, making such an effort to control his eagerness.

He came back to you, pumping his length a bit more again, though he couldn't be any more hard than he already was. "There you go, love".

You have to bite your hand again as soon as you feel his tip entering you. Your pussy stretch at it, and you throw your head back at the small pain and the pleasure. No amount of arousal could prepare you for this. Tom caught your expression and was slow enough to continue, substituting the pain for the pleasure, while rubbing your leg to distract you. "It's okay, I've got you", he whispered, pulling your lower half to sit in a more comfortable position. You breath out, not feeling a bit of pain now, just the greatest sensation of having his cock stretching your walls deliciously. Tom hissed as soon as he got entirely inside of you, trying to not be snapped out by the feeling your snug walls around him.

"Is that okay, love? Are you- fuck, are you fine?", he asked in a husky voice, feeling his throat tightening at the pleasure.

"Yes", you nod fervently, "Yes, please, move...".

Tom didn't waste any time to start moving, slowly at first. The feeling was too good to not lose yourself into it. He put his lips in your ear, whispering and grunting while taking himself out of you completely just to fit it all over again.

You held his body tightly, feeling the intensity of his moves, the precision that his hips held to slam right back into your pussy. But soon enough, both of you needed more than that, and Tom started to take a faster pace.

"Tom... oh, my God, yes", you let out a cry, throwing your head into his shoulder, which made him only move faster.

"Fuck, you so tight", he moaned, grabbing your ass cheeks all at once to bring you closer to the edge of the desk. He slammed harder into you, hitting spots that made your eyes roll.

"Yeah, darling, so good to me, such a fucking good girl letting me fuck you", the sweat on his forehead was beginning to form, but he didn't seem to feel any kind of tiredness, keeping the steady rhythm.

You spread your legs even wider, bending your knees so he could have a better angle. That was enough to make Tom take you in his lap, not daring to get out of you while he carried your body to the opposite side of the room, your back hitting the wall. He was going to fuck you against it.

You whimper, not being able to form any sentence as you felt the knot forming on your belly again. It was all too much, and then you felt the pad of his thumb over your clit.

"You look like you're about to burst, darling", he said, his breath coming in heavy waves as he thrusts his hips into you.

Your boobs were bouncing with the movement of your whole body, between your arms that were firmly holding onto Tom's shoulder to keep you from falling. It was a sight to be seen and Tom could feel his orgasm approaching as well.

"That's 'cause I fucking am-"

"Tom?"

A knock was heard on the door, making your eyes go wide. You bite your lips to refrain any sounds, your face writhing in pleasure as Tom didn't seem to care to stop his thrusts.

He was too focused on your high to stop and decided that he'd ignore whoever was outside, but the person didn't seem to let it go.

"Tom, mate? I'm off now, you still want to go to that pub?", It was Mr. Osterfield, Tom's best mate and one of the most well-known professors in that college. He was right in the other side of the door, and the thought that only a single sound from your lips could get you and professor's Tom caught made you clench around him.

Your lips part involuntarily, and Tom is quick to cover your mouth with his hand to keep you from moaning. He stares into your eyes as a sign to keep quiet, which you agree with one difficult nod.

He clears his throat and his hips loses rhythm, going back to the slow pace again. "Yeah, Haz, I'm grading some essays and will be out in a few. Just wait me in the parking lot".

His control gets you even more wet, the thought that he was fucking you and still talking to Harrison getting you to a blissful state.

"I can help you, if you want", Harrison insisted, which made Tom groan, burying his face into your neck.

"No, Harrison, I'm fine, I'll be there in a minute", he said sternly and the deep in voice made you clench again. Tom had his face writhing in pleasure and pain for not being able to fuck you harder and faster by that moment.

"What is that, man, c'mon-"

"Harrison, for fuck's sake, told you, you can go now!", he shot, his hands tugging on your skin hard, the rhythm of his hips painfully slow.

Mr. Osterfield mumbles something like "Alright, you dick", and you two heard the footsteps going away.

"Oh my fuck, I'm sorry-" Tom breathed out, taking his hand away from your mouth.

"Don't- just move, Tom, I'm begging you", you moan, bringing his chest closer to yours. He bites the skin of your neck and nods before going back to his previous rhythm.

"Goddamn it, you feel so fucking good. I won't last much longer, sweetheart"

"Me neither", you whimper. Tom brings his face back to watch you, smashing your lips together.

His pace is fast, both of your heart blasting inside your chests, chasing your high, before Tom leads this thumb over your clit and brush it so quickly and with so much precision that you can't help but cum at that very moment.

"Tom-", you almost yell, but Tom is quick to cover your mouth once again, this time with his own lips. It doesn't take longer for him to reach his orgasm too, feeling your walls hugging him tightly, begging him to come too. He kept thrusting his hips into you, ridding both of you through your orgasm.

"That's it, my girl... my best girl"

Your breath is coming in heavy pants, chests colliding in each other, the closeness between the two of you making you feel insanely safe and good about what you just did.

Tom has his hair clearly messed, and anyone could tell what he just did with you if just took a look at him. You weren't far from it yourself, skirt all rumpled and lots of red spots on your skin.

Your legs felt weak, and Tom helped you to put your feet back on the ground. He took himself out of you slowly, taking care to not hurt your overstimulated heat.

After discarding the condom and pulling his trousers back, Tom watched as you tried to clear your own mind to collect yourself together.

"Wait", he said before turning to his desk and taking some tissues from a package before walking back to you. "May I?"

You looked up at him, confused at first, and very surprised when you got the hint of what he meant.

"Uh, I can do it myself, no need to worry", you said sheepishly. Tom frowned and shook his head while getting down on his knees to wipe the mess between your inner thighs.

The both of you remained silent, not knowing what to say. You were afraid of his moment, of what it meant from now own and what changed in your relationship. After all, after fucking on his desk and getting to moan his name, he was still your professor.

Tom got up and discarded the tissues on the same bin as the condom. He stared at it a few seconds before saying in his usual playful tone, "Well, I gotta remind to get rid of it before anyone gets to clean this room".

You giggle, tidying up your clothes.

"So...", you grab your backpack, unsure of what to say next. "I think I should go now. Y'know, before someone gets suspicious".

"You don't have to", Tom is quick to say, but shakes his head before continuing. "I mean, you should probably go home, it's not going to look well if you leave my office so late, but... what I meant is that you can, y'know, come back".

"Oh", you blush, and then shrug. "You mean, this is not a one time thing?"

"I didn't want it to be", he admits, closing one of his hands in a fists, nervously. "Is that what you want?"

You nod a few times, staring into his eyes, and see as a smile makes its way to his lips. The contrast between this expression and the so confident one he held just a couple of minutes ago is incredible.

Then he adds a more serious tone to it, licking his lips. "It doesn't have to be here, though. Would you like to... go to my place? We could have a proper date, if you agree, and not only-"

"Are you asking me out?"

Tom swallows and before answering, he averts his eyes. "Well, I couldn't get more unprofessional than I already did, so I think there's no harm on it. Yeah, I'm asking you out".

You smile sweetly at his nervousness. That man just fucked you like there was no tomorrow and now he was shy for asking you to go on a date.

"I'd really appreciate that, Mr. Holland", you say. He looks up at you and relief washes his face.

"Okay. Okay, perfect, so... I'll message you. Well, through your e-mail, cause that's all I have. Unless you wanna give me your number, then I might-"

"C'mon, sir, we only fucked once, do you really think it's appropriate to have my number so early?" You joke, narrowing your eyes, hearing his charming laugh right away. "I'll keep my eyes on my e-mail then".

Tom smiles at you, nodding. You say a quiet 'see you', before turning around and getting out of the office, glancing at your favorite professor one more time before closing the door, both of you excited to your next encounter.

[tyongxnct]

𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒 𝑜𝑟 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒 - 𝐽𝑢𝑛𝑔 𝐽𝑎𝑒𝘩𝑦𝑢𝑛

pairing: Jaehyun x reader

special guests: Johnny, Doyoung and Jaemin.

Genre: angst, marriage!au, cheating!au

warnings: cheating, fainting, mentions of sex If you don’t feel comfortable reading about cheating, then feel free to skip this story. :)

word count: a little more than 12k

song rec: love me or leave me by little mix

note: I’m not a therapist or a doctor. The scenes in the hospital and at the couple therapy are just how I imagined it to be.

extra note: I love Jaehyun and this is PURE fiction.

A/N: thanks to my dear friend @kueey​ for proofreading this with me <3 I hope you guys like this story and please don’t get too mad at Jaehyun hihi ENJOY!!

ps: I AM SO EXCITED FOR NCT 2020 I really look forward to everything we’ll get and I’ll forever support OT23.. I hope that each member gets treated well and is happy and healthy. AND I can’t wait any longer for superm hehe

© tyongxnct on all platforms 

“I can’t believe you! Why? I don’t understand?! Why would you do something like that? Why would you try to destroy our marriage?!”, you were furious and heartbroken. After seven years of being together, you never thought that Jaehyun would cheat on you. You never thought that he’d moan someone else’s name while being with you.

You kissed him. “I missed this so much.”, it was hard for you two, both of you were working and you had a four year old daughter and a five year old son. There was never really time for things like sex. It’s been some time since you slept together, and you couldn’t wait anymore. You missed having Jaehyun close next to you, you missed feeling him inside of you and you missed his touch. “You feel so good, Areum.”, you pushed him away. “W-what?”, you asked, maybe you misheard him. “What do you mean?”, he tried to kiss your neck, but you pushed him again. “W-what did you just say? A-Areum?”, and that was the exact moment Jaehyun knew, that he fucked up. Bad. “N-No I-I didn’t...”, he stuttered. “Get off of me!”, you pushed him again and crawled against the bed rest. “Who is Areum?!” “No one, baby. I’m sorry.”, he tried to get closer again, but you stretched out your hand to stop him. “Don’t come closer! Stop lying to me! Tell me now Jaehyun or I will leave, and you’ll never get the chance to explain!” “Baby- I... It’s... She’s someone from work...” “And?”, you were getting angrier every second. “I-It’s I promise you I’ll never do it again and it’s been weeks since the last time I-”, he couldn’t even look at your face. “Since you what?”, 

“Since I-I slept with her.”, his voice got quieter and quieter. You got up and put on your clothes as fast as you could. “Baby just listen to me. I swear I’m so sorry-”, Jaehyun tried to reach for your arms but you stepped back and looked at him with disgust in your eyes. “For how long?” “Baby-”, “No Jaehyun! Answer the question!”, you couldn’t even cry. “Three months I think...”, a tear fell down Jaehyun’s cheek.

Your man was sleeping with another woman for three months, if he was telling the truth of course.

“You had an affair for three months?”, you were heartbroken. You were fully dressed and opened your bedroom door to leave, but he stopped you, this fight needed to end in the bedroom, your little kids were asleep, and they shouldn’t witness what was happening right now. “No. Don’t go, baby. I’m sorry. I stopped seeing her, I love you.”

“You love me? Funny, last time I checked you said Areum. You said her name! I can’t even look at you! You disgust me so much! What kind of a husband are you huh?! What were you even thinking?!”, tears were finally falling down your cheeks, you couldn’t stop them from falling so you just let them. 

“I said that I’m sorry! I stopped seeing her. I will never do it again, I love you!”, he screamed back at you.

“I can’t believe you! Why? I don’t understand?! Why would you do something like that? Why would you try to destroy our marriage?!”

You really wanted to know why Jaehyun would throw away a 7 year old relationship.

“Look, we didn’t have any second for us in the past, I don’t know, five months and I missed you so much but you were always working and you never had time for me! I felt... lonely or some shit, I don’t know and... and she was there for me in those three months...”, did he just say it was all your fault?

“So, you are telling me that this is my fault? Because I am working and raising two children. You think I was the one who never had time? When you fucked another woman, I was home alone with your kids! You lied to me and now you are fucking blaming me?!”, he couldn’t be serious. “I am the one suffering from all of this! I am suffering right now because of you and you are still blaming me?! I tried so hard to be a good wife, mother, friend and employee and I am still not enough?”, your voice was quiet. Jaehyun felt like he was never good enough for you, he was just ordinary while you were amazing at everything you did. Jaehyun felt like a piece of shit and he needed someone to tell him that he was also good enough, and instead of talking to his wife, he decided to talk to his co-worker and that led to more. 

“What suffering?! I am still with you, I could have left you and stayed with her instead but I chose you!”, words were coming out of his mouth without him processing it, he said things he didn’t mean and he wanted to take them back, but he couldn’t. 

You slapped him. You slapped him so hard that his brain started working again. He deserved it. 

“You chose me? Nobody asked you for that. You are right, maybe you should have stayed with her.”, he looked at you for the first time now, his hand was on his cheek and his heart clenched. 

“I- I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean it.”, he cried as he tried to take his words back.

You couldn’t think straight, and you couldn’t stay with him, you needed to leave. Right now.

You opened the bedroom door and put on your shoes as fast as you could. “Don’t leave me, please. Baby don’t go. It’s late... let’s talk about it. Please don’t leave me.”, he was begging you. Without a second glance, you took the keys for your car and left the apartment you shared so many great memories with and now with the worst.

Jaehyun was on his knees crying his heart out. He needed you to come back to him, you needed to know that he was sorry and that he didn’t mean it. 

“Dad?”, Jaemin held his little sister’s hand and watched his father. His little daughter looked confused and his son looked sad.

“My babies why are you up?”, he tried to cover his tears as he walked up to his kids. "You were loud, daddy. Are you crying, daddy?”, she asked her dad as she placed her little hand on his cheek. “Why are you awake, dad?”, his son asked.

“Daddy had a nightmare, but I feel better now. Thanks to you.”, he placed a kiss on his daughter’s forehead and on his son’s. “Tell mommy to give you a goodnight kiss, that helps every time.”, he tried so hard not to cry in front of his kids. “Okay, I’ll tell her, but you have to sleep now, it’s late.”

“Daddy can you sing for me? Mommy always sings me to sleep.”, how could he say no to his one and only daughter. 

Jaehyun didn’t sleep for the whole night, he waited for you to come back, but you didn’t. 

You were driving around Seoul. You didn’t know what to do. Go back home? You couldn’t let your kids notice what was happening between you and Jaehyun and Jaehyun... your heart was broken, and it needed time. You decided to call the only person who could help you right now. Johnny.

“Good morning, what can I do for you at this hour?”, Johnny, one of your oldest friends asked, still half asleep. It was 7 am on a Sunday, of course he was still asleep.

“Hey, Johnny. Sorry for waking you up-”, your voice trembled.

“Did you fucking cry?”, he always knew that something was wrong. “I-…Yes..., Johnny, Jaehyun had an affair.”

“I’m sorry what? What did you just say?”, he didn’t want to believe it. “He slept with his co-worker for three months. I f-found out last night and I didn’t know what to do… so I l-left.”, you started crying. 

“I can’t believe this, where are you? I’m coming to you.”, Johnny didn’t want to leave you alone.

“No, I’m fine, well not fine but Jaehyun and the kids need you. I left last night just like that, and I want to go to my babies, but I-I Johnny I just can’t face him. It hurts so much.”, you tried to stop your tears from falling but you couldn’t.

“Okay, you don’t have to worry, I’ll go to them. But please tell me that you are safe and text me whenever you need me. Do you know where you want to stay already?”, you knew you could count on him. “I have a friend from work I could ask.”, Johnny was the brother you never had, and you were his sister he never had. You were friends since kindergarten, and he was actually the one who introduced you to Jaehyun in college.

“Alright, just let me know you’re safe.”

“Thank you, Johnny.”

“Always.” 

Jaehyun was playing with Minah and Jaemin on the floor as he tried to distract his kids. “Daddy is mommy coming back today?”, Minah asked him.

He hoped.

“I don’t really know, baby. Don’t you enjoy playing with your daddy?”, he asked her. “Daddy is the best!”, she hugged him, and tears were forming in his eyes. 

The doorbell rang and Jaehyun and his kids jumped up and hoped to see you standing there, but it was Johnny.

“Uncle Johnny!”, Minah loved her uncle Johnny. “Hey there princess.”, he hugged Minah and high fived Jaemin “Wow, Jaemin. You are growing up so fast.”, and as he looked at his friend, he saw nothing but pain in his eyes.

“Jaemin and Minah, why don’t you go to your room to play. I’ll be there in 5 minutes to play with you, okay?”, Johnny asked the little kids. 

“Why are you here?”, Jaehyun asked. “Is it wrong to look after my friend and his kids?”, Johnny took off his jacket and sat down in the living room.

“She called you, didn’t she? Where is she? Johnny please tell me, I need to know where she is.”, he begged his friend now.

“Listen, Jaehyun, I know that this between you two, but please tell me what in the world did you think you were doing?”

Jaehyun sat down next to him and started crying silently so his kids wouldn’t notice. “Johnny I’m a terrible husband. I fucked up so bad. I-I thought everything was over but-”, he hid his face in his hands. “I fucking said someone else’s name while being with my wife. I am so sorry. I need her I can’t live without her.”

Jaehyun told Johnny everything that has happened last night. Johnny was shocked to hear his friend do such thing. Never did he think that Jaehyun would do that to you. He loved you way too much.

“I am speechless.”

“D-Do you hate me now, too?”, Jaehyun was scared to lose everyone.

“No, I don’t hate you but… you really broke her heart and I don’t know If she’ll stay with you after this.”, he was honest. 

“Johnny I can’t lose her, I’d do anything.”

“It won’t be easy, that’s all I can say. But I’m here for you.”

It’s been three days since you left. You were missing your kids so much, it hurt you so much to be far away from them. You were staying with one of your friends from work, Soobin. She was always there for you and she invited you with open arms.

You decided to talk to your babies, they probably missed you, too. You dialed Jaehyun’s number, you were scared, and your hands were shaking. 

“(Y/n)? H-hello-”, you interrupted Jaehyun before he could say anything more. His voice sounded different. “I want to talk to my kids.”

“A-Aren’t you going to... come back?”, he whispered. 

“I just want to talk to Minah and Jaemin.”

“Okay... Baby? It’s mommy.”

“Mommy!! Mommy I missed you so much!”, Minah said as she talked to her mother after a long time.

“God, baby. Mommy missed you, too. I love you so much, baby. I promise you I’ll come to you as soon as I can.”, you tried to stop your tears.

“Mommy don’t cry. I want to play with you mommy but playing with daddy is also cool. And mommy, Jaemin is not nice! He never wants to play with me.”, she cried into the phone. 

“Okay baby, I’ll talk to him. Can you give me your brother now? I love you.”

“I love you too mommy. Jaemin!! It’s mommy!”

Jaemin was angry, even though he’s just five he noticed that you and Jaehyun were fighting.

“Hello? Jaemin baby can you hear me?”

“Yes.”

“Baby I missed you so much. How are you?”, you wanted to talk to him, but he was too angry at you.

“I don’t miss you! I hate you! Dad is crying because of you! I hate you!”, your heart stopped beating. Your son just told you that he hated you. Your own son. You cried, it hurt so much. You didn’t know what to do.

“Baby I’m sorry. I-”

“No! -”

“Jaemin why are you behaving like that? That’s not nice. You are talking to your mother-”, Jaehyun tried to calm his son down.

“No! I hate you!”, he suddenly also screamed at Jaehyun. Jaemin threw the phone on the floor and ran in his room.

Minah started crying and you heard it all, but you couldn’t do anything. Your heart broke at the sound of your babies crying and yelling. Your son hates you. 

Jaehyun took his phone and heard you crying. 

“I’m sorry he didn’t mean it. Don’t take it to heart, he’s... he’s just angry right now. I’ll handle it, okay? Don’t worry.”, Jaehyun wanted you to stop crying but you just couldn’t. You missed your family so much; it tore you apart.

“I’m... I’m sorry.”, you hung up and cried yourself to sleep. Again.

Two days later, you decided to call Johnny. 

“Hey Johnny.”

“How are you? You sound miserable.”, he didn’t want to be mean or anything, but you really sounded like you just died three times.

“Thank you. I am miserable. My son hates me, my husband cheated on me and I didn’t see my kids for a week.”

“Jaemin doesn’t hate you. He’s simply scared and sad, he is a little kid, he doesn’t understand what is happening right now, but he gets that you two are fighting. Of course, he’s angry. I’d be angry, too. Please stop thinking that way.”

“I don’t know. I’m trying so hard but I just- it’s so hard. How’s Jaehyun?”, you asked him. Of course, you were still worried, you love him and even though he broke your heart, he’s the father of your children.

“He’s sick. I mean like seriously he has fever and all that stuff, I was there this morning, he ate some soup but he’s like sick. The kids are always in their rooms playing. He told me to leave, that he’d handle it, but I don’t know. I was going to look after them tonight.”

Jaehyun was sick. You didn’t want to, but you were so worried right now that you decided to go to your family. They needed you and you needed them.

“I’ll go. Thank you for everything.”

“Are you sure?”, Johnny asked.

“I need to be with my family.”

After the phone call with Johnny, you dressed up and drove to your home. It was strange to go there after a week, you missed it so much and you wished that it was all a bad nightmare, but as soon as you arrived in front of your home, you felt all the pain in your heart again.

You opened the door and took off your jacket and shoes. Scenes of the night you left played in front of your eyes. How Jaehyun was crying his heart out and how betrayed you felt.

You saw your husband laying on the couch with your son next to him. Father and son were sleeping, and a smile placed on your face. It warmed your heart to see the two like that. 

But you couldn’t let your son sleep so close to his sick father. You carried your son to his bed and let him sleep there. On your way back you stopped at your daughters’ room and saw her also sleeping. She’s beautiful and you missed your kids so much. You would never leave them again. No matter what would happen. 

You went back to Jaehyun and tried to slowly wake him up. “Jaehyun. Jaehyun wake up, let’s get you to bed.”

Jaehyun slowly opened his eyes and he saw your beautiful face. “Am... Am I still dreaming?”, he put his hand on your cheek. 

“Jaehyun, stop it and get up. I can’t carry you to bed.”, you didn’t want him to touch you, so you pushed his hand away.

“I can’t believe you are real. I love you.”, Jaehyun looked and sounded so sick. His nose was red, and he was shivering. “I’m so cold.”

After you put Jaehyun to bed, you placed your hand on his forehead, just to see how hot he was. “You are burning.”

Jaehyun could hardly open his eyes, but he needed to see you. He missed you so much, he didn’t even know if you were real or not. 

You went to the bathroom and came back with wet towels. “Jaehyun you need to take off your shirt.”

He slowly tried to take off his shirt, but he was too weak. “I’ll help you.” You helped him taking off his shirt and then you placed the hot towels on his body. “It’s so cold. The bed is always so cold when you are gone. Please don’t leave, I hate it when it’s cold.”, Jaehyun was talking in his half-awake state.

You tried to ignore him, but you also hated to sleep without him next to you, but after what he had done, you were too disgusted. 

Jaehyun fell asleep again and you decided to cook a soup and you looked at your home, it was a mess. Well, you could imagine Johnny trying to clean up, but with a sick Jaehyun and two kids, it’s not easy. You cleaned the floor in the living room, putting the toys back to their right places and after that you cleaned up the kitchen a little. The soup was done and then you heard your little daughter crying. She woke up.

“Baby, Mommy is here it’s okay. Stop crying.”, you picked her up and she stopped crying immediately. “Mommy! Mommy I missed you so much!”

“I missed you to honey. I love you so much.”

After playing with your daughter, your son also woke up. “My little man I missed you so much.”, you were about to hug him, but he stepped back. “No! I don’t want you here!”, it hurt you so much to hear that.

“I’m so sorry. I promise I’ll never leave again. It was an emergency I needed to go baby, but I’m back. Didn’t you miss your mom?”

“No, I didn’t I want dad not you!”, your son ran to his dad’s room and jumped on the bad to hug his dad. Jaehyun woke up as his son jumped around. “I don’t want mommy!”, your son cried into his dad’s arms.

“Jaemin I told you to stop saying that.”, Jaehyun sounded so weak. So fragile. 

You decided to leave your son with Jaehyun, you didn’t want him to cry anymore. 

After seeing Jaehyun so sick you thought of calling your mutual friend, who was a doctor. Kim Doyoung.

Doyoung told you that he’d be here in an hour and you poured the soup into a bowl and placed Jaehyun’s food next to him on the nightstand. 

Jaehyun still looked half-asleep. “I need you so much.”, he whispered. You son was back in his room, playing on his own with his car toys.

“I called Doyoung, he’ll be here soon.”, you just said.

You knew that Jaehyun was too weak to eat on his own and you weren’t heartless.

“You need to finish this, okay? Open your mouth.”, you were sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to leave space between you two, so you could just help him eat.

You didn’t look at him, your eyes where everywhere except for his eyes. But Jaehyun, Jaehyun was watching all your moves, and he tried to look at your beautiful face and eyes, but you wouldn’t let him.

After he ate up the doorbell rang. You opened the door and saw Doyoung standing there. “Thank you so much for coming. He’s so sick and you know how he feels in hospitals.”

“No problem, I told you guys whenever you need me, I’d be here.”

Doyoung checked Jaehyun up and it was easy to tell why he was sick. You stood at the door and watched them.

“Were you stressed lately?”, Doyoung asked. 

You looked on the floor, and Jaehyun looked at you and then back at Doyoung.

“Yes.”

“Alright, so your body couldn’t handle the stress and that’s how you got sick. You need to avoid stress and you need to stay calm. I’ll give you some pain killers and stay in bed. If anything else happens, just call me. But that’s it for now.”

Jaehyun’s regret and worry ate him up and he was so stressed after you left, that his body reacted like that, your heart clenched, but it wasn’t your fault, you told yourself.

After you thanked Doyoung, he left, and you made dinner for your kids. Jaemin didn’t talk to you but Minah never left your side. 

“Mommy is daddy dying?”, she suddenly asked.

“What? Of course not? Why would you think that?”, you were shocked to hear you daughter ask such a question.

“I don’t know, Jaemin said daddy is dying.”, she shrugged her shoulders and played with her doll.

You seriously needed to talk with him, you knew that he was just sad and scared, but it was too much now. 

You sat Minah on her chair and then you called Jaemin because dinner’s ready. After you called him two times, he didn’t come so you decided to look after him.

“Jaemin, dinner’s waiting for you.”, he was playing with his dinosaurs and ignored you.

“Jaemin?”

“I don’t want to!”, here we go again. “Jaemin you are making mommy really sad. Why do you hate me? I love you so much.”

“Dad always cries, and you screamed at him! You hurt dad!”, oh boy, seeing him like this hurt you so much. 

Jaehyun was standing at the door and listened to his son. It is his fault, not yours. His son should hate him, not you.

“I’m so sorry that you feel that way, don’t be scared, we just talked loud. I don’t want you to think that we were fighting. You know that I love your dad I would never hurt him.”, you tried to hug your son, but he ran out of his room, he didn’t even notice Jaehyun standing there.

Jaehyun looked at you, his heart hurt. Everything was his fault and now you were really suffering the most. How could he tell his son, that he was wrong? That his father is a piece of shit. A cheater. How could he tell his son, that he broke his mother’s heart?

You were still sitting on the floor, with your hands you covered your face and cried. You tried to be quiet but Jaehyun was right there.

He was right behind you now and he placed his hand on your shoulder. “I’m sorry, please stop crying. I’ll talk to him. I’ll tell him that it’s... that I’m the one who hurt you.”

“D-Don’t touch me.”, you ignored his words as you backed away. “Just go back to bed.”

You wiped away your tears and left Jaehyun alone, his eyes followed you. It hurt him that you react like that to his touches, but he understood. It hurt him, but you were way more hurt.

Back in the kitchen you helped Minah eating her food and Jaemin just looked at his. “Why is dad not with us?”, he asked. 

“Your dad is sick and needs to sleep. I’ll bring him his soup after you eat.”

“I won’t eat without dad.”, he said now. 

“Jaemin, he would love to eat with you-” “I want dad!”, he yelled now. There was no other way. “Okay I’ll get him.”

You went to your bedroom and opened the door slowly. Jaehyun wiped his tears away as fast as he could but you saw it. There was no point in hiding. 

“Uhm, Jaemin won’t eat without you. C-Could you sit with us?”, you asked slowly.

“Y-Yes I’ll be there. Just give me a second.”, he said, and you nodded.

You went back to the kitchen and sat down “Dad’s coming.”, you smiled at your son. Your daughter was eating with her fingers and you watched her. You love her so much and you were ready to do anything for your kids’ happiness.

Jaehyun came and sat next to your son. “Dad! Let’s eat together!”, Jaemin finally started eating.

“Do you want your soup now or later?”, you asked Jaehyun. 

“Now, please.”, he watched his kids eating and it felt almost like before.

Jaehyun was eating his soup and your kids were also eating. Everyone was eating except you.

“Mommy aren’t you hungry?”, Minah asked.

“No, I’m not hungry.”, you said. “But Mommy you always tell us to eat even if we are not hungry. You need to eat, too!”, after that one night, you lost your appetite. You rarely ate, most of the times you would just eat an apple.

“I’ll eat later, okay? You need to finish first.”

“Okay mommy.”

Minah and Jaemin played around with Jaehyun and you were just sitting there and tried to stop the pain. You tried to forget everything, but you couldn’t.

It was already 10pm and your kids were already sleeping. You didn’t know what exactly to do. Jaehyun was in bed and you were sitting on the couch in the living room. 

What was going to happen next? Are you just going to sleep next to him and act like nothing happened? Are you just going to pretend that everything was fine?

You decided to take a hot bath, but first you made Jaehyun a hot tea. You opened the door to the bedroom and saw him sitting there and looking helpless. His nose was still red.

“I made you some tea.”, you put the tea on the nightstand and Jaehyun watched you. 

“Thank you.”, suddenly he held your wrist before you could leave. “W-Where is it?”, he asked. “What do you mean?”, first, you didn’t understand. “Where is the ring? Where’s the wedding ring?”, he was so scared of your answer.

“I took it off.”, you just said, avoiding his gaze.

“Y-You took it off. Why?”, his voice trembled. “It didn’t feel right to wear it.”

“B-But you promised. You promised me that you’d never take it off! You promised me that you’d always wear it.”, tears fell down his cheeks. He was so desperate. It was your wedding ring. The ring that showed that you two belonged together. 

You were angry. How could he say something like that and cry? How could he act like you were the first one to break a promise? You looked into his eyes for the first time. 

“And you promised me to be faithful. You promised me to never break my heart. You promised me to never hurt me and always love me.”, you pulled away your arm from his grip and stepped back. 

“I guess promises are meant to be broken.”

You turned on your heel and went to the bathroom. After you closed the door behind you, you started crying. You tried to be as quiet as possible but Jaehyun heard you. 

You were right. He broke so many promises he made. Jaehyun broke your heart and he’s scared that you’ll never forgive him. You cried and cried and didn’t leave the bathroom for the next two hours. You were finally home but it didn’t feel like it. You were finally with your kids, but your son hated you. Your words really hit Jaehyun. There was no way that you’d forgive him. He was clueless and he regretted everything so much, he didn’t know what to do.

You couldn’t sleep at all that night. You were sleeping on the couch in the living room, but you were scared that your kids would see you. You were worried about the future. What is going to happen to your marriage? The voice in your head always reminded you that ‘Your husband cheated on you’, you couldn’t stop the voice in your head. But it was the reality you had to face.

Minah was the first to wake up. “Good morning baby.”, you lifted her up and kissed her cheeks. “Mommy I’m hungry.” You heard your son waking up and he opened your bedroom door and jumped on the bed.

“Dad wake up!”, he jumped around. 

With Minah in your arms, you went to your bedroom and saw Jaehyun slowly waking up. “Jaemin your dad is still sick. He needs to rest.”.

“It’s alright. I’m feeling better.”, he smiled at his son. “I want to play with daddy, too!”, your daughter said. You placed your daughter on Jaehyun’s lap. “I’ll prepare breakfast.” 

You would never destroy the relationship between Jaehyun and your kids. Jaehyun’s a great dad, no, a wonderful dad. When you told him that you were pregnant with Jaemin he was so excited. He was so careful with you and fulfilled every wish you had. Even after you gave birth, he never left your side and helped you as much as he could. Jaehyun told you that he wanted 10 kids with you, when you got married and even after Minah he didn’t want to stop having kids. 

You smiled at the memory. You started to blame yourself. After giving birth to two kids, your body didn’t look like before. You felt ugly, of course Jaehyun would cheat on you. Look at you. You look like an ugly piece of shit, you thought.

Your thoughts were interrupted with Jaehyun coming into the kitchen with both of your kids in his arms. “Let’s help mommy”, he said and put his kids down.

Suddenly you got angry. Did he think that you can’t even prepare a simple breakfast? You don’t need help. You are strong. 

“I can handle it.”, you said coldly. 

“No, it’s alright, I can help you.”, he wanted to take the pan from your hand. “No, Jaehyun. I don’t need your help.”, you raised your voice a little. You totally forgot that the kids were also in the kitchen.

You hated to be like this in front of the kids, but you couldn’t control your anger. Jaehyun looked at you with an open mouth. Before you could say anything, the doorbell rang. Luckily, your kids were busy with playing on the kitchen floor, you hoped that they didn’t hear your voice raising at Jaehyun.

You went to open the door and saw Johnny standing there with Donuts. “Morning. I have donuts!”, he was happy to see you finally home. He knew that it was hard for you and that’s why he visited you guys. 

“Thank you John-”, before you could finish your sentence, everything went black and you passed out. The last thing you heard was Johnny telling Jaehyun to call an ambulance. 

Jaehyun called the ambulance and ran to you and Johnny. “What... What happened? (Y/n)? Can you hear me? Baby please open your eyes.”, Jaehyun held you in his arms and he totally forgot about his kids who were watching the scene. Johnny saw them standing there and lifted both kids up and brought them to their room. “What is happening to my... my mom?”, Jaemin cried. He was so scared. Your daughter was already crying and screaming. She was also totally scared, and she didn’t understand what was happening. 

“She’ll be fine, don’t worry. You dad’s going to the hospital, they’ll look after her. Don’t worry.” Johnny tried to cheer the kids up, but he also didn’t know what was happening. 

Jaehyun was holding you and crying. It felt like hours until the ambulance came. He never let go of you. 

You woke up in a bright room. You didn’t know where you were or what happened. Your eyes slowly got used to the bright lights and then you saw Jaehyun sitting next to you on a chair, eyes closed. 

You tried to take your hand away, but he didn’t let go. You slowly tried to sit up and Jaehyun also woke up. 

“You’re awake. How are you feeling? Wait never mind, I’ll just call the doctor.” before you could say anything he ran out of the room and called the doctor. 

He came back with the doctor and held your hand again as he sat down next to you. 

“How are you feeling, Mrs. Jung?”, he asked you as he looked through your file.

“I don’t know. I guess I’m alright.”, the doctor couldn’t heal the pain in your heart, obviously. 

“I need to ask you some question. When was the last time you ate something?”, he looked at you and Jaehyun, too. You felt uncomfortable.

“Uhm, I- can’t answer that.”, you looked down.

“Why?”, he asked. “Because I don’t know.”, you answered quietly. Jaehyun looked at you with worry written all over his face. 

The doctor wrote something down and looked back at you. “And sleep? Can you sleep or are you having trouble with that?”

You nodded slowly “It’s hard to fall asleep.”

“How long did you sleep last night?”

“Not at all.”, you didn’t want Jaehyun to know that.

“And the night before?”, the doctor asked. “Maybe two hours?”, you weren’t sure. “Were you stressed lately?”, why is everybody asking you and Jaehyun this. Is it that obvious?

“Y-Yes.”, you finally freed your hand out of Jaehyun’s, who was in his own world right now. This needs to stop, first Jaehyun got sick because of the stress and now you were in the hospital.

“Well, your body needs energy. You must eat to produce energy. And sleep is especially important. Your body and mind need to recover, it seems like your body couldn’t handle it anymore. I don’t know what is going on in your private life, but I recommend you to see a psychologist. Your mental state is connected to your body, and If you don’t do anything about it, your body will also suffer. I’ll give you some vitamins you need to take, and you need to stay for tonight, we need to make sure, you won’t pass out again. Any questions?”, the doctor told you all of this in one go and you knew that it was true. But it was so hard for you. Every time you closed your eyes, you saw the fight in front of you. Every time you ate something, you thought of you husband with someone else and you couldn’t continue eating.

“No. Thank you.”, you said, 

“That’s it then. I hope you get well soon.”, you tried to smile at him, but you were too weak.

After the doctor left, you mind wandered to your kids. “The kids- Jaehyun! The kids, where are my kids?”, you totally forgot that Johnny came to visit.

“They are with Johnny. Don’t worry, he came before you... passed out.”, he looked down, to ashamed to be the reason that you were laying in a hospital bed.

“Where’s my phone?”, you asked. “At home. You can use mine.”, he handed you his. 

You looked at the phone in is hand. Did he saved her number? Did he text her? Is he still texting her? Do they have pictures together? You had thousand questions. “C-Call Johnny. FaceTime.”, you would never touch that phone. After two rings, Johnny answered. 

“Hey, are you guys alright? Where’s (Y/n)?”, he asked. Jaehyun turned the phone to you. “I’m fine, Johnny. Thank you. Can I talk to the kids?”

“Sure. Minah. Jaemin. It’s your mom.”, he handed the phone Jaemin, who was sitting next to Minah. “Mommy! Where are you?”, Minah started crying. “Baby don’t cry. Daddy and I are staying together. Don’t worry okay? We’ll come back home tomorrow.”, you didn’t want to tell her that you were staying at the hospital.

“Jaemin, baby? Can you be a good big brother and look after your sister? I love you two so much.”, your son didn’t say a word. He started crying and you did, too. It broke your heart that he didn’t talk to you. “Daddy.”, Minah cried out. “Yes baby?”, he came closer and he could also be seen now. “Daddy give Mommy a kiss. That will help her. Mommy always kisses us when we are sick.”, she insisted, while crying. Jaehyun and you wanted to stop your daughter from crying and that’s why you nodded after he asked you with his eyes. 

He slowly placed a kiss on your forehead. You had your eyes closed and you missed him so much that it hurt to feel his lips on your skin again. Jaehyun’s eyes were also closed and the kiss felt like forever.

After the call ended, you watched the sun go down. Jaehyun was outside, getting your food. You still didn’t want to eat. But after what happened today, you didn’t want to scare your kids like this again.

He brought you tomato soup, salat and rice with some meat. The soup reminded you, that Jaehyun was still sick.

“Jaehyun.”, you said. “Yes? Is it too hot?”, he asked.

“No, just- You’re still sick, you should rest and eat this, you need it more than I do.”, he looked at you like you were crazy.

“What? No. I’m totally fine. You need to finish all of this and then you’ll sleep. I’m feeling way better.”, you were the most important person for him.

“But-”

“No but’s. I’ll just buy myself a sandwich or something.”

“This is too much for me. Let’s share. I know that you love tomato soup.”, his heart flipped as you said this. You know everything about him. He didn’t answer, just watched you. “Jaehyun?”

“Mhm?”

“I said let’s share the soup. Please?”

How could he say no to the most beautiful woman he has ever seen?

After sharing your soup, you slowly finished the rest. It was awkward that Jaehyun was just sitting next to you on the chair. “Jaehyun, go home.”

“What? Why?”

“The chair is uncomfortable, I know that you can’t stand hospitals, and you are sick, and the kids need you-”, he interrupted you “And I need you, and I won’t go anywhere without you. I don’t care If I sleep on this chair or on the floor. I just want to be with you.”

You looked at him for a second and then you hid your face under your blanket. You didn’t know what exactly you felt when he said that, but you felt so many things.

Pain, love, longing. 

You were so exhausted that you fell asleep and Jaehyun watched you. He was scared that it could be the last time he saw your face. Jaehyun couldn’t let you go. He wouldn’t. But what if you do leave him one day? 

Jaehyun and you were finally home. Your kids were at the kindergarten thanks to Johnny. You called in sick for work and Jaehyun did too. You two barely spoke since last night. Whenever he said something, he got short replies from you. 

You were laying on the couch and Jaehyun was in the kitchen cooking breakfast, even though you weren’t hungry, but he insisted. 

Jaehyun was worried. He was determined to cook for you and keep you healthy.  He heard some voices from the living room and thought that you were watching TV or something. But as he stood behind you, he leaned against the doorframe and watched you watching your wedding videos. 

You were so bored, that you decided to watch the happy times. You wanted to see how it was to be happy and in love. You missed that feeling, you missed Jaehyun looking at you like he did on your wedding day. 

In the next clip, you were slow dancing with Jaehyun. Your first dance as a married couple. Everything was perfect. Too good to be true.

Jaehyun heard you sniffing and knew that you were crying again. He placed your breakfast on the table and sat down next to you. Not too close, he didn’t want you to back away or something.

“What happened to us?”, you asked him with a trembling voice. “We were so happy.”

The next clip was the day you gave birth to Jaemin. Jaehyun was crying and he held your hand. “Come on baby, you got this. You are incredible. I love you so much.”

“I love you Jaehyun- Oh god!”, you screamed as you were giving birth. Jaehyun supported you as much as he could. He let you squeeze his hand, scream and yell at him because of the pain you were going through.

“I... I don’t know...”, Jaehyun looked at you and then back at the TV. It was Jaemin’s first birthday. 

“I am not hungry.”, you said. Because you really weren’t.

“You need to eat something. The Doctor strictly told you to-”, he tried to convince you, but you were to angry. 

“I don’t care! I don’t fucking care!”, you yelled at him suddenly. You watched your son smiling happily at you but now, now he hated you. The smile on Jaemin’s face triggered something in you. “This is all your fault! Everything is your fucking fault!”

“I know. I’m sorry. Just eat a little-”, he tried to calm you down.

“I don’t want to eat something I want my son! You did this to me! He hates me because of you! My son hates me. He hates me.”, you were covering your face as you cried. Jaehyun was sitting next to you, helpless. 

“My own son hates me for something I didn’t even do. I don’t deserve all of this. I don’t know what I did wrong.”

“I’ll talk to him, please stop crying. You didn’t do anything wrong.”, Jaehyun’s heart arched.

“You will talk to him?”, your blood shot eyes looked at him now. “What are you going to tell him? ‘I cheated on your mother Jaemin.’ huh? ‘You mother didn’t do anything wrong; it was me who fucked someone else.’?! What are you going to tell him?!”, your voice got louder every second. 

Jaehyun was also crying now. “I-I don’t know. Are you ever going to forgive me? I know I fucked up big time and it was the biggest mistake in my life.”, he was about to hold your hand, but you pulled away.

“A mistake you did for three whole months. Why did you even stop? Got too bored with her? Were you looking for someone else to fuck? Two women weren’t enough for you?”, she was furious, and she wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt her. 

“Don’t say that. You are the only one for me, (Y/n). I... You were -are- too good for me. I didn’t know how to express my feelings. I know I made a mistake for months, but I was scared!”, he tried to wipe away his tears, but it didn’t help, tears were falling down his cheeks.

“Obviously, I wasn’t the only one. Would you ever tell me about it? If you hadn’t... If I hadn’t found out that night would you have ever told me?”

Would he? He didn’t know. 

“I-I don’t know...”

You didn’t say anything to this.

“Maybe we should just get a div-”, you said but Jaehyun interrupted you. “Don’t you ever dare say that word. I won’t leave you. Ever. I know you don’t trust me, but I’ll do anything to gain your trust again. I’ll do anything you want me to. I love you so much, I can’t live without you. Please don’t leave me.”, he was on his knees now, looking up to your eyes and then his face fell into your lap and he cried. 

The scene in front of you was heartbreaking. You looked at the TV and saw the clip of you and Jaehyun with Jaemin, a couple hours after you gave birth to Minah. Jaehyun cried out of happiness on the screen and now he was crying and holding onto you like you would disappear if he let go.

“I’ll be better. I promise you I’ll be the man you deserve. I promise you I’ll never hurt you again. Please don’t leave me. I love you. I love you so much.”, he cried and as you put your hand on his head and stroked his hair, you thought that maybe, just maybe, you could work things out.

 “Welcome, Mr. and Mrs. Jung. I’m Dr. Hwang. Since it is your first time here, it would be great if you could tell me a little about yourselves and your relationship.”

A week after your last fight with Jaehyun, you decided to go to couple therapy. You thought, maybe a professional could help you go through all of this. 

“Let’s start with you, Mrs. Jung.”, she smiled at you. 

Jaehyun was sitting on the other edge of the couch and felt uneasy. He feared someone else knowing about what kind of terrible husband he is. He was ashamed and he knew how hard it was for you. 

“Well, I’m 28 and I’m working in a publishing company. That’s basically it.”, you didn’t know what other information she needed to know. 

“Do you have any hobbies? What are you doing in your free time?”, she asked. 

“If playing with my kids and cooking count as a hobby, then yes. And free time. I don’t know, I don’t actually have time for myself.”, you answered honestly.

“Alright. Now you Mr. Jung.”

“Well, I’m 29 and I work as a manager in a company. And I don’t have any hobbies.”

“Okay, thank you. Now please tell me how you two met and about your relationship in general.”

“We met in college.”, Jaehyun began talking with a smile on his face as he remembered how he met you. “It may sound cliché, but we didn’t like each other at first. We teased each other a lot. She looked so cute when she got mad and one day, I couldn’t handle her cuteness, so I just kissed her to shut her up and that’s basically it. I never loved anyone else since that day.”

You smiled, too. You remembered that day so well. You always had a crush on Jaehyun since the first day you met. Who wouldn’t? You were so shy at first but after he started teasing you, you teased him, too. The way you two looked at each other every time while teasing each other, it was like you were waiting for him to kiss you and when he did, you knew that he was the one. The one you’d spend the rest of your life with. The love of your life. 

“That’s a cute story.”, Dr. Hwang smiled. “So please tell me now why you are here.”

It was too hard for you to say it out loud. You waited for Jaehyun to talk about it and he did. He knew it wasn’t easy to talk about it.

“We are here because I... because I cheated on my wife for three months.”, he looked down to his lap.

Dr. Hwang was writing down something as she listened to Jaehyun.

“Okay, please tell me more about it. How and why did you decided to come here? How did it start, and why did you stop?”

“Uhm, my wife found out because I- I said the other, person’s name, while we were... together...”, Jaehyun was so embarrassed. “It started in April, I think, with, uhm, with someone from work. I did it because I felt like I wasn’t good enough for her. (Y/n) is perfect in everything and I am just... me. I felt so little and useless and it is pathetic but I... I needed someone to tell me that I was good enough and... I couldn’t think straight and ended up with the... other person. After the first time I didn’t know what to do. I was too scared to tell (Y/n) and too dumb to stop it. It was our daughter’s birthday when I realized, that I was doing a big mistake and that I was destroying the perfect life I had. And then I broke it off , because I knew that I was hurting my wife, even though she didn’t know it back then. I was disgusted in myself and stopped as soon as I could. I know that nothing justifies my behavior but... I just wanted someone to tell me that I was... good...”

You didn’t know how to feel after he said all of that. Were you hurt because he looked for someone who was there for him? Were you hurt because you weren’t that person? Was everything you fault? 

“Thank you, Mr. Jung. Mrs. Jung please tell me how you felt when you found out.”

That was hard to answer. “Well, I... I felt numb. I didn’t feel anything at first. After I found out, I left for a week. When I was alone I... I realized everything and I only felt pain... After I came back, I was numb again... but everything boiled up in me and I was furious.”

“Okay, thank you. So, I can tell, that you are going through a rough time. Both of you. What do you except to happen, now that you are here?”, she asked. 

“I want my wife to be happy again. I need her to forgive me for everything I’ve ever done because I love her. I want to save our marriage.”

Mrs. Hwang nodded and looked back at you. “I want to save our marriage, too.”

And that was your first session. You looked out of the window as Jaehyun drove home.

“What do you think of her?”, Jaehyun asked after a while. 

“She seemed nice. And you?”

“Yeah. She really seemed nice; I hope she’ll help us.”

After you arrived home it was timer for dinner. Luckily, Johnny watched your kids. He really is the best, you thought.

“Thank you for everything, Johnny. I’m so sorry to drag you into this mess.”, you were cooking dinner with Johnny next to you as Jaehyun played with the kids. 

“I told you guys; I’ll always be there for you. Whatever happens between you two, I’m here for you two. And you know that I love the kids and of course they love me, I mean, Uncle Johnny is way cooler than Uncle Mark.”, he laughed and after a long time, you laughed, too.

Johnny stayed for dinner; it was less awkward. He was talking to Jaehyun and to the kids the whole time. You were playing with your food, slowly eating, because again, you weren’t hungry. Jaehyun watched you from time to time. 

“Mommy??”, you were so deep in thoughts that you didn’t even hear Minah talking to you. 

“Yes honey?”

“Mommy can Uncle Johnny sleep here tonight? Please Mommy!”, Minah said excitingly. 

“But honey-”

“Mommy please?”, Jaemin asked you now. He was careful when he talked to you since you went to the hospital. The next day he saw you at home he cried again and jumped up, he wanted you to lift him up and you did.

“Mommy!”, he cried into your shoulder. “I thought I hurt you because I screamed at you... did you go to the hospital because of me Mommy?”, he cried.

“Oh my god, baby no! No of course not, I love you baby why would you think that.”, you cried, too. 

Minah was in Johnny’s arms and started crying, too. You promised yourself that you’d never scare your kids like this ever again. After that Jaemin was talking to you as if you were fragile and could break any moment, which was the case. 

“I’m sorry Mommy.”, Jaemin held you and never wanted to let go.

“(Y/n)?”, Jaehyun called for you now.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry. Uhm, I don’t know... Johnny?”, you looked at him. “I don’t care actually, It’s up to you guys.”

“It’s fine for me.”, Jaehyun didn’t mind.

“Yes! Thank you! Come on Uncle Johnny let’s watch Toy story!”, Minah jumped in her seat and Jaemin smiled brightly.

You on the other side weren’t that happy. For the past weeks you slept on the couch, you didn’t even think of sleeping in your bed with Jaehyun. But If Johnny stays, he needs a place to sleep. 

Your kids were sleeping already and Jaehyun was talking to Johnny in the living room. You placed a blanket and a pillow on the couch and asked him if that was alright for him.

“Yeah don’t worry about me. Thanks.”

“Okay, uhm. I’m going to bed, good night.”

After a long time, you’d sleep in your bedroom again. You were nervous. After changing your clothes and brushing your teeth, you got under the blankets. It felt strange to be in this bed. You were at the edge, one push you’d fall, but this is also Jaehyun’s bed and you were scared to be too close.

It’s been a couple minutes since you were in bed and were laying on your back, eyes open. 

Jaehyun came in and slowly closed the door. None of you talked and as he went to the bathroom, it felt like you could breathe again.

Jaehyun changed his clothes, brushed his teeth, and came back. 

“(Y/n)?”, he asked. 

“Yes?”, you looked at each other now. “C-Can I sleep here? I can also sleep on the floor If you want me to. Or I can sleep with Joh- okay no, just the floor.”

You wanted to laugh when he mentioned sleeping with Johnny, but he looked just like a lost puppy. “Yes, you can sleep here. It’s also your bed after all.”

He nodded and slowly got under the blankets next to you. It felt like years, being with him in the same bed. Jaehyun was also laying on his back, looking up. He tried to give you as much space as you needed but he wanted to touch you, he wanted to hold your hand and kiss you. Jaehyun wanted to breathe in your smell, the scent of vanilla he loved so much. Jaehyun wanted to tell you that he loves you. But he couldn’t.

He turned to the side to look at you. You felt his gaze on you and turned your face to him. The moon shined brightly tonight and was your only source of light. 

Slowly, his hand got closer to your cheek, he was about to stroke your cheek but as you closed your eyes, he just couldn’t. He didn’t deserve to touch you with his dirty hands. 

You thought he’d place his hand on your cheek but as you opened your eyes, you saw the struggle in his. 

“I’m sorry.”, he pulled his hand back.

“Good night, Jaehyun.”, you said as you turned around, your back now facing him.

“Good night.”

Jaehyun was standing in front of you but it seemed like he didn’t see you or hear you. No matter how loud you screamed, Jaehyun never reacted.

“Jaehyun!”, you screamed again. There was a woman standing next to Jaehyun now, you couldn’t see her face. “Jaehyun!”, you screamed again. Jaehyun pulled the unknown woman closer to him and then he hugged her. “What the- Jaehyun? Can’t you see me? Please, Jaehyun?!”

You couldn’t move no matter how hard you tried, nothing worked. “I missed you so much, baby.”, Jaehyun said to the woman. “No Jaehyun! Please don’t! I’m here! I’m right here!”

The woman’s face was blurry, you couldn’t tell who it was. Jaehyun’s hand pulled her by her head and kissed her. He was kissing the woman right in front of your eyes and there was nothing you could do. “Jaehyun! Don’t do this to me please don’t. Please don’t kiss her!”, you were crying so hard that your sight got blurry. 

“(Y/n)! Do you hear me?!”, you could hear Jaehyun’s voice, but it was impossible. He was kissing her. How could he talk to you while he was kissing the other woman?

“Wake up (Y/n)! Everything’s fine, baby. Open your eyes.”

Nothing is fine. Stop kissing her. 

“It’s just a dream. Please wake up.”, he begged.

A dream? More like a nightmare. 

Suddenly you opened your eyes and you were breathing heavily with sweat everywhere. Your heart hurt and you were scared. Was it just a dream? A nightmare?

“Look at me. It was just a dream.”, Jaehyun held you in his arms as he tried to calm you down. 

You didn’t even notice how hard you were crying. You gripped his shirt with your hands and pulled him closer. Too scared to lose him if you let go.

“It’s okay baby. You are safe now. Everything is alright.”, he placed kisses on your hair as he held you. You were slowly able to breathe in a normal rhythm, but you didn’t let him go.

“It... It was so real. J-Jaehyun it felt so real...”, you whispered. 

Little did you know that you were talking in your sleep. Jaehyun heard you crying out loud and he knew exactly what happened in your dream. 

“I know baby, but it was just a nightmare. It wasn’t real, please stop crying.”

You let him go as you thought about your dream. It wasn’t just a dream. It happened. Jaehyun did that to you. He did kiss another woman.

“L-Let me go...”, you whispered. 

“Are you feeling better now?”, he asked as he slowly let you go.

You shook your head. “Is there anything I can do for you?”, he asked now.

“N-No. Nothing I... I just need- I don’t know what I need.”

You really didn’t know what you need. Everything was happening so fast but at the same time so slow.

“I’m going to take a shower.”, you got up and left him alone in your bed. Jaehyun let out a sigh as he tried to get back to sleep. 

But that night, neither of you got any sleep.

One week past and today was your second couple therapy session.

“Is there anything you want to know, Mrs. Jung? Mr. Jung promised to answer all of your questions.”

He really did. Jaehyun promised to tell you everything you wanted to know. 

“Well, there are some questions I have...”

Jaehyun looked at you but you avoided eye contact.

“Go for it, Mrs. Jung. Just ask.”

You played with your fingers as you tried to ask the questions that bothered you for so long now. “My first question is... uhm... You said it was someone from work... do you, still... like... see her?”, your heart was beating hardly against your chest.

“I- uhm, yes. She’s there when I go to work...”, he was also playing with his fingers now, too scared to see your reaction.

“Okay... d-do you talk to her?”

“No. Not like before. I mean... just a little at our meetings, but like we are all talking, I’m not directly talking to her.”, he tried to explain that he really isn’t talking casually to her. Only when it is totally necessary.

“And you stopped... doing it with her, right?”, you asked even though Jaehyun told you many times that it was long over.

“Yes.”

“I have another question.”

Jaehyun’s eyes were on you again.

“Did you... When you said that you... uhm... chose me. Did you mean it? No, I mean... why? No no... god this is so stupid... Just tell me why you said that and If you were really about to... choose her...”, Jaehyun’s words that night really hurt you. Choosing your wife over your affair? Did Jaehyun really think about that back then?

You didn’t even notice the tears falling.

“I didn’t mean it like that- I... It was always you. I chose to love you many years ago and I still do and forever will love only you. I don’t know why I said that... I guess I tried to tell you that I was also hurt all the time and... It’s just that I thought... think... that I’m worthless. You are perfect. Literally perfect. And I thought you deserve better, you still do, but I love you. I always thought that you’d be happier... without me. I thought it would be better If we”, he let out a sigh, “broke everything off and the best way to this was to... hurt you. I know it’s stupid and If I could I’d go back in time and beat the shit -sorry- out of me.”, he tried to explain that it wasn’t choosing between you and her but between your life without him and your life with him.

Jaehyun was deep in thoughts as he talked, he tried to explain his stupid situation to you as good as he could, so that you could understand him, even a little. 

 You tried to go through everything in your head, but it was too much. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this right now,” you left Jaehyun and Dr Hwang as you tried to calm down. You got inside of your car and tried to breathe. You closed your eyes shut, trying to delete the images in your head. The images of Jaehyun with another woman. It didn’t stop. Whatever you thought of, you ended up with the same image in your mind.

You didn’t even notice that Jaehyun was sitting next to you. Tears also falling down his cheeks. You felt so helpless. You felt like there was nothing you could do to erase the pain.

“(Y/n), please look at me. Please. I’m trying so hard, I’m so sorry.”, Jaehyun cupped your cheeks. He was looking into your eyes and he wiped off your tears. “I’ll do anything for you. As long as you stop crying. I promise you the pain will stop.”

“Do you really think that? Do you really think that it’ll stop? Do you really think that I’ll be able to forgive you and we’ll be happy again?”, you searched for answers in his eyes.

“I know it. I know that we’ll be happy again. That you’ll be happy again. You are the strongest woman I know, and I will do anything in my hand to make you smile again.”

“I hate to be like that but… C-Can you stop working there? I... I don’t want you to be close to her.”, in the deepest of your mind you told yourself that it didn’t matter where he worked. He could do it again. Even if he changed his workplace, how could you be sure that it won’t happen again?

You tried to ignore the voice inside your head.

“If it’s what you want, of course. I told you I’d do anything for you.”

Silence. There was another question in your head, but you feared the answer.

“Jaehyun?”, you asked.

“Yes?”

“Do you still have her number? Or like… anything that involves her on your phone?”, you looked out of the window, you tried to focus so that you wouldn’t cry.

“No, I promise you. There’s nothing that involves her.”

“Okay.”, you sighed. You weren’t sure If you could believe him but at this point it didn’t even matter.

It’s been 8 months since the worst day in your life.

It was a very difficult journey until today. It was hard for you, after the first night you slept in your own bed, you stopped sleeping in the living room. Most of the times you were haunted by nightmares but day after day they became less. You and Jaehyun were close, yet so far from each other. In front of your kids you acted like always, like the happy couple with no failures, but when you were alone, you put a big distance between you two. You never let him touch you and he never tried, knowing how hard it was for you. In those 8 months, you never even kissed. But it was alright, Jaehyun would walk through fire for you.

The furthest of skin ship that happened was a couple months ago when you hugged him. You just hugged him out of nowhere and you didn’t let go for a whole hour. Jaehyun was too scared to put his hands around you but you asked him to.

“Please just hug me back. I need this right now.”

And he slowly hugged you back. Pulling you closer than you already were and softly caressing your hair.

You were still going to couple therapy together. It helped you so much, you wouldn’t know what would’ve happened If you were all alone. Johnny helped you also so much, taking care of the kids and even Jaehyun.

Jaehyun still hates himself. He acted like you were fragile, always trying to make you happy, never crossing any line you set. He came straight home after work and spend all his time with you and your kids. Jaehyun cooks for you to surprise you and he buys a different bouquet of flowers every Sunday for you.

Today, on your son’s sixth birthday, you invited your family and friends to celebrate your baby’s birthday. You never told anyone, except Johnny of course, what happened between you and Jaehyun. You were scared that your dad would rip Jaehyun’s head of and you didn’t want Jaehyun’s parents to know that his son did something as disgusting as that. It was your marriage and it was something between you and Jaehyun, but still, he couldn’t look his and your parents in the eyes. After months, he couldn’t even look you properly in the eyes.

After your son opened his toys, you couldn’t find Jaehyun. You opened your bedroom door and you could hear him crying. He was in the bathroom, sitting on the floor and he covered his face with his hands and just cried.

“Jaehyun?”, you closed the door and kneeled. “Jaehyun why are you crying? Hey, stop crying, Jaemin’s just six… he’s still your little-”

“I-I’m not crying because he’s growing up so fast, well, that’s also a reason but... It’s just…”, he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

You took his hands into your hands and looked at him. His eyes were blood shot red and the tears were falling down, and it seemed like they wouldn’t stop anytime.

“Hey, it’s alright. Look at me- “

“I can’t. I can’t look at you or at our family- I can’t even look at my own children. I just can’t. I don’t deserve any of you. I can’t look at your parents, knowing how much I hurt their daughter. I can’t look at my parents, knowing how disappointed they’d be. I can’t look at you, knowing that I am the reason for the pain in your heart, the tears in your eyes and the nightmares when you sleep. What kind of father am I? I always wanted to be a role model for my son, but now I hope that he never becomes like me.”

You were also crying now, you forgot about your family in the living room and you just cried with Jaehyun in the bathroom. “Jaehyun you are a great father, stop thinking like that. We’ll go through this together, don’t you remember? You promised me that.”

“I know but… what If I’m not good enough? What If I can’t make you happy again? What If- “, before Jaehyun could finish his sentence, you placed your lips on his. It was a slow kiss, you could taste the tears while you kissed him and he could, too. Both of your eyes closed, hand in hand.

Jaehyun was scared to go too far, but you sat on his lap and pulled him closer to you. After you kissed him, even though none of you wanted to stop, you placed your head in the crook of his neck and hugged him.

“I love you so much.”, he said as he hugged you back.

You couldn’t say it. He knew that you couldn’t, and it was alright. Jaehyun would give you all the time in the world. You wanted to tell him, that you loved him so much, but it was hard. But both of you knew, that you loved him.

It was your wedding anniversary one month later, and Jaehyun asked you out. This would be your first date after a whole year. You spent the last anniversary at home with your kids, at that time Jaehyun was rarely at home.

But two days ago, he bought so many roses and decorated your bedroom and asked you out. Jaehyun already asked Johnny to watch your kids and he happily agreed to do so, now it was just up to you. Were you ready to go on a date with Jaehyun?

Yes, you were.

Jaehyun told you to be ready at 7, he was still at work and told you to get ready. You stood in front of your closet, not sure what to wear. “He likes red. Maybe I should wear this- “, you were interrupted by the kids and Johnny.

“Mommy!! Can we come in?”, Jaemin asked.

“Yes, what’s wrong?”, you asked them as they entered your bedroom.

“This is for you.”, Jaemin and Minah handed you a package. “What’s this?”, you asked confused. “Just open it.”, Johnny smiled brightly.

And so, you did. There was a beautiful black dress inside the package. “Daddy told us to give you that!”, Minah said happily.

The dress was beautiful, really beautiful and it looked expensive. How could you were something so expensive, what If you drop anything on it while you eat?

“Mommy come on change we want to see it!!”, Jaemin jumped around.

“Okay okay, now get out.”, you smiled.

After you changed, you looked at the mirror and your jaw dropped. It’s been a long time since you wore something like this. It was a long black dress with thin straps, skintight, with a cut on the left side of your leg. You let your hair open and curled the tips a little. You were so excited; you almost forgot the most important thing.

Your wedding ring.

After you took it off, you only wore it when your family was around. But today you decided to wear it and you wouldn’t take it off again.

“How do I look?”, you asked after you left your room.

“Not better than me, that’s for sure.”, Johnny joked.

“Mommy is a princess!!”, Minah’s eyes shined just like you did.

“You are also a princess, my pretty girl.”, you placed a kiss on her head.

“When I grow up, I am going to marry you mommy.”, Jaemin said.

“Oh my god, can you get any cuter?”, you were about to tear up but the doorbell rang. You opened the door and you saw Jaehyun smiling brightly at you with another bouquet of roses in his hands. He was wearing a suit, and lord, Jaehyun in a suit was your weak point.

“Holy shit. “, he started.

“Jaehyun! Language!”, you hoped that your kids didn’t hear that.

“I’m sorry it’s just. Holy shit.”, he said again.

“I think it’s time to go.”, you waved at your kids and Johnny closed the door, Jaehyun was still in trance.

Jaehyun had a reservation at the restaurant you first went to on your first date

“It’s been so long since we came here, but nothing changed.”, you said, and he agreed with a hum. “God you are so beautiful.”, that was the nth time he told you how beautiful you were.

“Jaehyun stop, don’t make me shy.”

“But you are cute.”, he admired you.

The waiter filled your glasses with wine and as you put your hand around it, Jaehyun noticed the ring.

“You are wearing it?”, he smiled at you.

“Yes, and I don’t want to take it off. Ever again.”, you looked at it with a smile on your face.

“I’m sorry but you have to.”, he said seriously.

“W-What? Why?”

He took out a little box of his Jackett and opened it. “I want to give you this.”, there was a ring inside of the box. “We can’t… restart our marriage and I can’t erase our memories, I can’t undo what happened, but I can promise you, that I’ll love you with every breathe I take and that I’ll give you the happiness you deserve. I’ll do anything as long as you are happy, and I’ll never hurt you again. I can’t imagine my life without you. You gave me two beautiful children and your heart. It’s more than I deserve but I promise you, I will show you how much I love you until my last breath. This ring is my promise to you. I don’t want you to look at your old ring and think about… the bad times. I want you to look at this ring and feel happiness and love.”, Jaehyun was holding your hand and looked at you. For so many months, he couldn’t even talk to you, and now he was looking you straight into the eyes as he talked.

“Is that alright for you?”, he asked then.

You felt like crying again, but you didn’t want to, so you didn’t talk. You nodded your head and smiled at him.

He took off your old ring and replaced it with the new one.

You looked at it with the biggest smile on your face.

Of course, your heart didn’t heal fully, but day by day, the pieces of your broken heart got back together.

“I love you.”, he meant it. Jaehyun really meant it every time he told you he loved you. After being so close to losing you, it felt like his love for you grew and is still growing.

“I love you.”, after a whole year, you finally said it and it felt good. You were happy right now, it felt so good to say it back.

Life isn’t easy, everybody knows that. You could cry all day long and suffer in pain or you could do something to be happy again.

People tend to forget that time is the key. The process of healing takes time and that’s good.

Time heals all our wounds. Sometimes it takes longer but, in the end, you’ll be happy again.