#I go to conventions of course my 'fancy' outfits are over the top

[mcraftdoodles]

Iskall but he's wearing the fanciest outfit in YOUR closet

I couldn't decide which outfit is fancier

[natromanxoff]

How prog were Queen?

By Dave Everley

On 9 January, 1971, Kevin Ayers and Genesis played a show together at the Ewell Technical College near Epsom in Surrey. Ayers was 18 months out of Soft Machine, and making a name for himself as a psychedelically-inclined art-folk rake. Genesis had released their second album, Trespass, a few months earlier, and were carving out a place in the vanguard of the burgeoning progressive rock movement.

There was a third band propping up the bill that night, a bunch of transplanted Londoners calling themselves Queen. In contrast to the wilfully artful approach of the headliners, their music was more straightforward: a heavy, if ornate blend of Led Zeppelin’s earthiness and the flights of fancy of Yes.

Not everyone in the small crowd watching them was impressed, but they caught the attention of one person. After the show, Genesis frontman Peter Gabriel pulled Queen’s blond-bombshell drummer Roger Taylor to one side. Gabriel’s band were about to dismiss their own drummer, John Mayhew, and were looking for a replacement. Was Taylor interested in joining Genesis? The reply was instant: thanks but no thanks. Taylor was utterly dedicated to Queen – there were gigs to play, places to go, and many musical adventures to embark on.

Had Taylor accepted the offer, the course of music – and specifically prog – would have been very different. Genesis would have flourished with Gabriel upfront, though whether they would have survived and prospered as they did without a Phil Collins to step into the breach after their talismanic singer’s departure was another matter.

The knock-on effect on Queen would have been greater. Taylor was an essential part of their carefully balanced four-way chemistry; a chemistry that would go on to throw up some of the most ambitious and game-changing music ever recorded. While Queen weren’t a capital ‘P’ prog band, they were infused with the spirit of the movement, combining its forward-looking values with its absolute disregard for the existing rules. Taking their cues from the likes of Yes, Genesis, Van der Graaf Generator and even Pink Floyd, their flamboyantly cavalier approach would go on to inspire such modern masters as Dream Theater, Queensrÿche and Muse. And, in Bohemian Rhapsody, they ensured that one of the biggest-selling singles in history was, at heart, a prog song. Forget the luxuriant moustaches and sawn-off mike-stands that would come to define them: if the prog ethos meant avoiding the expected, then Queen were definitely a prog band.

“Diversity was probably their greatest asset,” says former Dream Theater drummer and confirmed Queen devotee Mike Portnoy. “From song to song, they could be so different. You could have something that was folk followed by something that was rockabilly followed by something that was metal. And that’s one of the biggest things about prog, having that open-mindedness.”

Queen’s schooling in prog came early on. Brian May’s very first band, 1984, played a 4am slot supporting Pink Floyd at the Christmas On Earth Continued all-nighter in 1967. A year later, his next outfit, Smile – also featuring Roger Taylor – played with Floyd again, this time at London’s Imperial College. By the time of their gig opening for Kevin Ayers, Smile had changed their name to Queen and recruited Freddie Mercury. Collectively, they admired Yes, Van der Graaf Generator and especially Genesis. “Foxtrot is a prog rock classic,” Roger Taylor later wrote in the sleevenotes to Genesis box set 1970-1975. “Arrangements were highly complex in these early days, setting a benchmark for the style of the times.”

When it came to finding someone to produce their debut album, Queen’s first choice was John Anthony, who had worked with both Genesis and Van der Graaf. With Anthony and co-producer Roy Thomas Baker behind the desk, the eponymous album trod heavily in Led Zeppelin’s footsteps. But there was another, altogether more visionary band straining to spread their wings: My Fairy King was a filigreed slice of flamboyant rock’n’roll, while Liar metamorphosised through several different time changes and timings.

Those wings were fully unfurled on the follow-up, 1974’s Queen II. The title was the most prosaic thing about the record: the music inside was as fevered and baroque as rock gets, informed equally by Zeppelin, Yes and crazed Victorian artist Richard Dadd, whose 1864 painting The Fairy Feller’s Master-Stroke inspired one of the album’s most prog-leaning tracks. It may have been rooted in the heavy rock of the times, but its cavalier approach and sheer sense of scale pegged Queen as a defiantly progressive proposition.

“Queen weren’t like Yes, who had a dualistic role of guitar and keyboards, where both shared the terrain,” says Yes guitarist Steve Howe, supported by Queen at Kingston Poly in early 1971. “Brian had the terrain to himself. The remarkable thing was that he was the front and the back man. It required him to come up with more than guitar solos… He had to come up with a semi-thematic approach to play the guitar. And what he did was keep colouring.”

Queen’s prog inclinations would be deeply woven into the fabric of their early albums, from the audacious multi-part theatrics of Queen II’s March Of The Black Queen to the schizophrenic attack of the two-part Lap Of The Gods from 1974’s Sheer Heart Attack. Even in their more commercial moments, they marched to the beat of their own drum. What other band would have dared serve up something so unusual as Killer Queen?

“It was their diversity,” says Mike Portnoy, who first heard Queen as an eight-year-old in the mid-70s and covered many Queen songs while in Dream Theater. “Their albums took the prototype that The Beatles laid down with the White Album, where you had four different artists bringing in very different styles. Every song was so diverse. You get to A Night At The Opera, and you had this giant multi-layered epic like Bohemian Rhapsody next to something like Seaside Rendezvous or Love Of My Life.”

A Night At The Opera was Queen’s grand artistic statement and their most unashamedly prog album. Pitched around the epic twin tentpoles of The Prophet’s Song and Bohemian Rhapsody, it married their far-reaching vision to a distinctly British barminess. Taken on its own, the eight-minute The Prophets Song, with its incredible ornate a cappella middle section, would be enough to grant Queen access to the Prog Hall Of Fame. But even that sits in the inescapable shadow of Bohemian Rhapsody. Time and success might have lessened its impact, but that song remains the most dazzlingly unique piece of music ever to sell five million copies.

“There are epic things that come along every so often,” says Steve Howe. “There’s Sgt Pepper, there’s Bridge Over Troubled Water. And there’s Bohemian Rhapsody. I don’t know when I first heard it, but once it was there, it was such a formidable thing. You’re thinking: ‘How many tracks did they need to do those vocals? How did they write it? Who invented it? It really was astounding.”

Bohemian Rhapsody encapsulated one of the key things that gave Queen such a distinct identity. Like The Beatles and Beach Boys before them, they used the studio as an instrument – not least when it came to their vocals. And Bohemian Rhapsody raised the bar about as high as it could go.

“They sang each of those parts and triple-stacked them,” says Mike Portnoy. “You heard all three of their voices singing in all three vocal ranges. That’s what made the depth of their music so complex. It wasn’t the instrumentation, it was the vocals. That’s unusual for prog music. When I think of my favourite prog music, it’s always the musicianship that draws me. But with Queen, it was the vocals. It was so deep.”

For all its success, A Night At The Opera would be Queen’s grand kiss-off to their prog roots. Later albums streamlined their sound into a more conventional format. Much like Genesis, the 80s found them swapping experimentalism for chart rock.

It wasn’t until the end of their career as an active band that Queen would again sound so adventurous. During 1989 and 1990, the band began work on their penultimate album, Innuendo, in London and Montreux. In the summer of 1990, Yes guitarist Steve Howe paid a flying visit to the Swiss city, where a chance encounter with a former guitar tech found him being invited to Queen’s studio to hear the album as a work-in-progress.

“Inside, there’s Freddie, Brian and Roger all sitting together. They go: ‘Let’s play you the album,’” says Howe. “Of course, I’m hearing it for the first time: I Can’t Live Without You, I’m Going Slightly Mad. And they saved Innuendo itself until last. They played it and I was fucking blown away.”

If that was surprising, then what happened next was utterly out-of-the-blue. The members of Queen asked if Howe wanted to play on the title track. The Yes man politely suggested they’d lost their minds. It took the combined weight of Mercury, May and Taylor to persuade him.

“They all chimed in: ‘We want some crazy Spanish guitar flying around over the top. Improvise!’” recalls Howe. “I started noodling around on the guitar, and it was pretty tough. After a couple of hours, I thought: ‘I’ve bitten off more than I can chew here.’ I had to learn a bit of the structure, work out the chordal roots were, where you had to fall if you did a mad run in the distance; you have to know where you’re going. But it got towards evening, and we’d doodled and I’d noodled, and it turned out to be really good fun. We have this beautiful dinner, we go back to the studio and have a listen. And they go: ‘That’s great. That’s what we wanted.”

Released as a single in January 1991, Innuendo gave Queen their third Number One single. Like Bohemian Rhapsody 25 years before it, it was as unlikely as hit singles get: a six-and-a-half minute musical jigsaw, complete with flamenco runs, classically-inclined orchestral overloads and maverick 5/4 timing. Queensrÿche covered the song on 2007’s Take Cover album, while you can hear its echo in Radiohead’s Paranoid Android and Muse’s more elaborate sci-fi epics.

“In the world of rock, Queen stands out as a good example of the clash between guitar and piano in songwriting,” Muse’s Matt Bellamy has said. “I think that’s where you stumble across those more unusual arrangements and chord structures.”

Today, Queen have left a bi-polar legacy. They’re arguably best known for their pop hits – Radio Gaga, I Want To Break Free and of course, Bohemian Rhapsody, that ultimate prog Trojan Horse. But their spirit of adventure remains unmatched by all but the boldest of their peers.

“There was no rulebook for Queen,” says Mike Portnoy. “They broke most of the rules that existed, and then they wrote a new set.”

[texastheband]

Texas V Wu-Tang Clan

Interview by Steven Daly Photography by Peter Robathan Taken from The Face - December 1997

It’s the pop story of ’97, the most unlikely end to a weird year: TEXAS collaborating with the WU-TANG CLAN. First, a Scottish rock band on the verge of slip-sliding away into a tasteful obscurity was reborn via a slew of hit singles and a glut of stylish imagery. Now, in New York, their Brit-cool meets hip hop in a mutually beneficial deal. For everyone concerned, it’s all they need to get on…

Sharleen Spiteri took the call in her front hall. "Yo, Peach," growled a strange voice over transatlantic wires. The gentleman caller was none other than Ol’ Dirty Bastard, court jester of New York hip hop dynasty the Wu-Tang Clan. Apparently Mr Bastard fancied working with Spiteri and her band, Texas. It all started in August, with one of Texas’ managers discussing Land Rovers with someone called Power in New York, who turned out to be the manager of the Clan. A video of Texas’ "Say What You Want" was dispatched, and prodigiously gifted Wu-Tang chieftain RZA signed on to do a re-recording of the single for a prospective single project. Original rapper OI’ Dirty Bastard was replaced by Method Man, the next Clan member with a solo album scheduled.

The hook-up with the Wu-Tang Clan is the perfect climax to a year that’s seen Texas rise from a tumbleweed-strewn grave to grab the pole position in British Pop. A year in which Glasgow’s Sharleen Spiteri has stared out, defiantly remade and remodelled, from every magazine cover and TV show. From a media point-of-view, Texas’ – Spiteri’s – reconfiguring of music and fashion has been the year’s dream ticket. Ever since Bryan Ferry took the innovative step of getting Anthony Proce in to design Roxy Music’s wardrobe in the early seventies, successive phases of pop’s history have thrown up performers who use the fashion photographers, stylists and designers du jour to present The Package. It is these performers who most often capture the youthful mood of their time: that’s why you can see the vulgar glamour of the Seventies in the cut of Ferry’s sleazy lounge-lizard jib; the naive aspiration of the early Eighties in the box-suited and pixie-booted "style" of Spandau Ballet; and the onset of the late-Eighties mixing and matching of different cultures in Neneh Cherry’s Buffalo Stance. When we look back at 1997 we will see in Texas’ sound and vision a new mix, all to do with living the high life but keeping it real. Catwalk and street, the designer and the understated, Prada and Nike; the slick and the cred. Ten years’ gone Scottish guitar outfit and this season’s bright young labels (in both senses). The setting too, has helped. Fashion, again, is big cultural business. Clever pop stars (Goldie! Liam!) want to be seen by the runway and hanging out at fashion parties; young designers yearn to be visible on the stage or the podium (viz. Antonio Berardi’s autumn London show at Brixton Academy). Factor in a paucity of self-motivating, button-pressing, songwriting, photogenic women in British music, and you have a ready-made media phenomenon.

Sharleen Spiteri is holding court at a New York restaurant with a gang of Calvin Klein employees who’ve just accompanied her to the VH-1 Fashion Awards. The annual ceremony is a mutually convenient arrangement, a TV cluster-fuck where the music and fashion industries exchange credibility and cachet. Texas are contemplating just such an exchange themselves, having recently been given the OK by CK. (Tommy Hilfiger has also made overtures.) Spiteri is to have an audience with Klein himself; she’s already been bribed with a trunkful of CK merch, including the streaked black dress – "inspired by [the artist] Brice Marden" – she’s wearing tonight.

Someone suggests that Texas would be perfect for Fashionably Loud, an MTV special where models strut on stage as the hot bands of the moment rock out. "Forget it," quips Spiteri. "there’s only room for one star up where we play." If Spiteri were to join Kate Moss and Christy Turlington on the Calvin Klein payroll it would not, as she sees it, detract from Texas’ music. "Fashion and music have always been connected, and now more than ever," says the singer. "You couldn’t have one without the other. If there’s shit music at a runway show it just doesn’t work."

Meanwhile, there’s the songs. With "White On Blonde", Texas’ fourth album, the music takes care of itself. Radio-friendly unit-shifters abound, helped on their way by producers Mike hedges (manic Street Preachers) and Manchester’s Grand Central. The singles have been, in sequence, nu-soul fresh ("Say What You Want"), springy pop ("Halo"), Motown-sunny ("Black Eyed Boy") and winter warming ("Put Your Arms Around Me"). The B-side remixers have covered all bases in these dance-savvy late Nineties, ranging from of-the-moment talents like the Ballistic Brothers and Trailerman to old stand-bys like Andy Weatherall and 808 State. Texas, patently, lost their dancefloor cherry by cherry-picking the brightest and the best.

Of course, while the singles have all enjoyed heavy airplay and gone top ten, and while "White on Blonde" has sold two million copies (more than its two predecessors put together), the remixes haven’t necessarily helped those sales. As the go-faster stripes of credibility on the solid saloon car, though, they’ve still been essential to The Package; all part of the thoroughly modern mix.

So now, the Wu-Tang Clan. To many, though, this latest development could smack of opportunism. One group are renegade roughnecks who mythologise themselves in epic hip hop anthems; the others are fastidiously tasteful Scots with an eye for perfectly modern consensus-pop. The Wu-Tang Clan are certainly among the aesthetically correct names that Texas always drop in interviews, but can there possibly be a legitimate connection between the two? "A lot of the Wu-Tang backing tracks have the feel of soundtracks, and we’ve always gone for a cinematic sound," says Johnny McElhone, Spiteri’s genial songwriting partner and bass player. "And I’ve always liked Al Green, and they use a lot of Willie Mitchell, Al Green, that whole Hi Records sound, and make it modern. And Marvin Gaye: Method Man, in that duet with Mary J. Blige, used ‘You’re All I Need To Get By."

Having dominated the charts in Europe this year, Texas are now, logically, turning their attention to America: the country that has always inspired them, whether it’s the dusty, pseudo-roots sound of their first three albums, or the iconic-soul and post-soul sounds of Memphis and Staten Island that they give props to now; the place where success has always eluded them. Yet given the commercial momentum of "White on Blonde", their approach to the Wu-Tang Clan is surely not driven by desperation. They are, then, viewing the collaboration with a combination of fan-like wonder and disbelief.

"Method Man is just a wicked, wicked rapper," enthuses Spiteri. "I can’t wait to hear the combination of my vocals and his – I‘m really excited about it. I have a kind of sweet, virginal thing going on, and he’s got this dirty sex vibe. It could be the perfect marriage."

It’s a Saturday night in Manhattan, and ten storeys above Times Square, Sharleen Spiteri sits on the floor of a recording studio, tinkering with her latest high-tech gadget, a Philips computer about the size of a TV remote. Across the street, three ten-foot high electronic ticker-tapes provide testimony to Monday’s stockmarket crash. No matter how much Spiteri plays with her new toy, there’s still that nagging worry: what if the Wu-Tang Clan won’t show? They’re supposed to be on a tour bus returning from a gig in Washington, DC today, but these, after all, are the original masters of disaster. The crew whose normal modus operandi seems to be chaos. The band that recently quit a national tour because only five of the nine members could be relied upon to turn up.

The studio has been booked since six, so Spiteri and McElhone breathe signs of relief when RZA and his posse finally roll in around ten. Among the dozen-strong throng, they’re surprised to see Wu-Tang member Reakwon, a stout fellow with a Mercedes cap and a Fort Knox of gold dental work. Several cigars are hollowed out, their contents replaced with weed; bottles of Cristal champagne and Hennessy are passed around as the air grows thick with smoke.

Half an hour later, method Man makes his entrance. Stooped over, he looks deceptively short – maybe only six-four in his Hilfiger fleece hoodie. "I’m John-John," he tells Sharleen, referring to his alias, Johnny Blaze. Pulling out the big blunt from behind his ear, Method Man considers the job at hand. "She got a nice voice," drawls the laconic giant. "This band not exactly my type of listening material, but they going in the right direction, if you ask me, by fucking with us. I’m waiting for RZA to put down a beat, hear how the vocals sound melded with the track before I come with ideas. I’m one of those guys."

As his friends get on with the serious business of partying, RZA goes to work, feeding a succession of sample-laden discs into a sampler. He has a diffident, genius-at-work charisma about him as he sits with his back to the room, keyboard at side. With a flick of his prodigiously ringed hand he reaches out and conjures up a brutal bassline. The speakers pulse violently. RZA takes a sip of Hennessy. "Record this, right here!" he tells the bewildered-looking engineer.

RZA has decided to dispense with the original master tapes, shipped over from Britain. He wants a completely new version, recorded rough-and-ready without the standard safety net of a time-code. This convention-trashing, wildstyle approach to recording elicits some consternation from the studio’s engineer, a central-casting white guy who warns RZA: "You won’t be able to synch to this, you know." RZA waves him away and turns to Johnny McElhone. "This riff is in E," McElhone tells RZA. "Maybe we should try it in the original key, D." "What are you saying? I understand no keys," says RZA. "You want me to sing the whole song straight through?" asks Spiteri, trying to divine RZA’s intentions. He orders the lights turned down, and offers Sharleen some herbal inspiration. She politely declines and walks to the vocal booth. "What’s her name? Sheree?" asks RZA as Spiteri warms up. The engineer wants to know if he should maybe start recording. "Always record everything!" exclaims RZA. "Ready, get set, go! Play and record, play and record!" Spiteri rattles of a perfect new version of ‘Say What You Want’, grooving along by herself and passionately acting out every word, even the ones borrowed from Marvin Gaye’s ‘Sexual Healing". Now it’s time for Method Man, who at this point is so herbally inspired that he can hardly open his eyes. He jumps up and lopes around the main room, running off his newly written rhymes and clutching a bottle of Crystal. Method walks up to the mic and opens his mouth, and that treacly baritone sets a typically morbid scene: "Fifteen men on a dead man’s chest…" The Texas duo just look at each other, shaking their heads in awe.

The hours and the rhymes pass. Around 6am, things are starting to get a little weird. As Method Man snoozes on the sofa, RZA bounces off the walls, dancing like a dervish. "These are the new rhythms," he yells. "These are the new dances from Africa. I learned them when I was there last week!" McElhone and Spiteri crack up. The engineer probably wishes he were in Africa right now; he further draws RZA’s ire by making a mistake as he runs off some rough cassettes. As everyone says goodbye, RZA decides that he’s taking the studio’s sampler – he already has two of the $3,500 items, but at this point it’s all about the wind-up. The engineer, though, having last seen the end of his tether a good few hours ago, has had enough. By the commencement of office hours that morning, the rest of the session will have been cancelled and the band and Clan banned from this studio.

After a few frantic phone calls later that morning, a studio is found that is prepared to let the Wu-Tang Clan through the door. With one precondition: only two of them are allowed in the studio. Now it’s midnight, and four-fifths of Texas watch a trio of RZA-hired session men go through their paces. They shift effortlessly through a handful of soul and funk styles, and the Scots mutter approval. These are the kind of players that are so good they can get away with wearing questionable knitwear.

Soon, another couple of Wus pop in. Then another couple. In the control room RZA orders up a bottle of Hennessy and talks about hearing "Say What You Want" for the first time. "I didn’t fully understand the sound of it," admits the soft-spoken maestro. "It was obviously a popular song, a radio song, and my sound is the total opposite. But I thought that the artist had something, so I thought: "Let’s take her and rock her to my beat."

"Sweet soul, that’s what her stuff sounded like to me. Smooth. It reminded me of the Seventies: in those days, they did songs that would fit anywhere. If you went to a club getting high it would fit; if you was cleaning up your house it would fit. That’s when you’ve got a real great song right there." Whether or not "Say What You Want" is a great song, it’s not quite coming together tonight. Despite the best offers of the studio management, a full complement of Wu posse members ended up in the house. As the night drags on the trio of musicians don’t get with the track, and by eight the following morning there is little in the way of usable material. But everyone stays upbeat. Texas will work on the track in Glasgow, and send it back to RZA to finish, along with a new song based around one of his samples. After vowing to stay in touch, everyone stumbles out into the Manhattan morning light together, the Scots with an American name, and the Clan without a tartan.

From a distance the collaboration will continue. But it’s only a different kind of distance. Culturally, creatively, the gap between the Wu-Tang Clan and the old twang clan is considerable. Yet so it goes, this cross-cultural exchange programme. Whether it’s The Stones copping blues movies, Bowie digging the Philadelphia Sound, Lisa Stansfield getting soulful with Barry White, Sting getting doleful with Puff Daddy… Whether it’s Todd Terry reviving Everything But The Girl or Armand Van Helden making Sneaker Pimps the unwitting jumpstarters of speed garage, naked opportunism and risk-taking innovation have always been confused. Now, with genres blurred and tricknology proceeding apace, anything is possible and everything is permitted. Perhaps it is this, the sheer unlikeliness, that makes the Texas-Wu experiment the most illuminating collaboration of the year. Whether it works or not.

"If you play her stuff in a club, everybody be dancing, but it’s a clear room and you can see everybody’s face," RZA reflects on the departing Sharleen Spiteri. "But if you play mine, the room is smoky." And perhaps it is here, among the clouds and the clarity, between the smoke and the mirrors, where a new sound and vision lies.

Text originally posted on texasindemand.com

[wordynerdygurl]

Costumes & Kittens

Summary: You convince Loki to dress up for a Halloween party and then enjoy a private after party.

Loki x Reader

Warning: SMUT, Funny, Loving Loki

"Are you really going to put on a costume?" Sarcasm dripped from every syllable Loki uttered over the idea.

"Heck yes! And you are too! Right?... Right?" But the look on Loki's handsome face explained exactly what he thought of the idea. Begging him you continued, "Oh, come on! It's so fun!! You get to be someone... or something else for a night."

Waiting for the walk signals to change, Loki looked up and down the street but not at you while saying, "I understand the custom. The appeal of it... but isn't this just child's play? Nonsense?"

You shrugged. "So what if it is? What's so wrong with letting your inner child out to play?"

"My inner child is a miniature frost giant with daddy issues and a desire to conquer... I don't think that's a costume one buys at Target, dearest."

You laughed, he wasn't wrong, really. "No, I guess not... but maybe you're looking at this all wrong. Maybe the question is, 'If Loki Odinson could be anything, what would he be?' Ya know what I mean?"

Shrugging Loki replied, "Anything? I'd be King of Asgard. Or the Universe."

"Be serious for a minute?" It's a tiny bit exasperating trying to explain these kind of things to Loki.

"Serious about a children's fancy dress party?" His eyebrows lifted archly.

"No. Serious about the question. What does Loki want to be when he grows up?" Punching his strong arm playfully, you drive the point home by batting your long lashes at The God of Mischief. He pulls you into a one armed embrace and kisses you sweetly.

"You know I'm over a thousand years old, right? I'm technically over grown at this point." Loki reminds you as he pulls open the door to your favorite restaurant.

"Funny, you don't look a day over 800." Loki nods, chuckling at your quick wittedness. You lean against him, waiting for the hostess to acknowledge your famished existence.

"So, you're going to dress as what, exactly?" Curiosity had Loki caught in its web. Reaching up on tiptoes you kiss his cheek and reply, "That, my dear, is a surprise, unless you want to do a couples costume? Like Doc and Marty... or Westley and Buttercup?" Loki scrunched his nose up.

"Ok. Too soon... so, what about you? Any ideas of what you'd like to be?" The pair of you are flirting like a teenagers as the restaurant hostess finally smiled at you. Leaning into your neck Loki nips your ear gently then husks, "The man who makes your quim quiver."

"How many?" The hostess, slightly put out by your public display, is looking at you with impatient eyes. Your mouth has gone dry with lust so Loki answers, "Just two, dear."

---

"This party is amazing!" You shout to Wanda over the pulsing music. She looked so cute as a rainbow unicorn, her golden horn bobbing in time with the 'Monster Mash'.

"You look so good! Oh my goodness, how funny!" Doubling over, Wanda was in tears at your costume, and you had to admit it was pretty hilarious. "Nat! Come here!"

"Noooo! This is great!! Loki's gonna lose it!" Natasha clutched her flapper's boa closer as she giggled.

"Thank you guys! I worked really hard on it!" You were incredibly proud of your look tonight. Black boots laced over your calves to your knees. The armour you'd pieced together from leather scraps and duct tape hugged your torso in green and gold flaring into a matching skirt. The best part was the flowing emerald cape that had started life as a satin sheet but now followed behind you like a green shadow.

Recreating Loki's horned crown had taken weeks of meticulous papier mache, sand paper and gold spray paint but damn, you felt like Asgardian royalty. Did Loki have this sense of power all the time? You shivered a little at the thrill of it.

Knocking back a long swig of your beer, laughing at Sam and Bucky dressed in those tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber, you realized this party was in full swing. Maybe that's why you were taken by surprise when a low, familiar voice crooned in your ear, "My queen."

Spinning on your heeled boots, you found Loki at your side, hands behind his back, smirk firmly in place. His eyes swept over you, taking in the details of your costume with a raised eyebrow, causing blue flames of excitement to curl low in your belly. You felt a creeping blush rise over you and channelling your inner God of Mischief you defiantly raised your chin Loki's direction.

"Yes... kitten?" Now, Loki called you kitten almost everyday, and it never failed to make you purr. Tonight, you used the endearment because the Trickster was dressed in a jet black three piece suit, black shirt and tie, with two tiny ebony cat ears on his head. His cheshire grin didn't hurt his ensemble at all.

"You look... well, almost as good as I do in that suit." His tone is light but you read a touch of approval in the mix. With a hand over his heart, Loki adds, "I'm honored that you went to all this trouble, little one."

Feeling emboldened by the role you're dressed for, you look down your nose at Loki, just like you'd seen him do countless times before. "Trouble? Not at all. This was something I had lying around. I thought these mortals would appreciate seeing a goddess in all her splendor."

Laughing, Loki replies, "Well you are certainly fearsome, my lady. And may I say, you have excellent taste."

You laugh too, "You may! Come on, let's get you a drink!" Grabbing Loki's hand in yours you pull him towards the bar. The crowd thins a bit as you get further from the music so it's easier to chat. Once you each have a cold beer, you perch on the countertop while Loki leans against the kitchen counter, again looking you over.

"I would be a beautiful woman." He stated wistfully. You snort, almost spitting up your suds. "I don't know about that, but you're a pretty sexy cat, Loki." You reached out and flicked one of the furry ears.

After a sip from his bottle Loki counters, "Of course I am." Curling his free hand into a claw, he does his best feline impression, "Meow!"

With a wide smile you casually say, "You dressed up. I wasn't sure you would."

"You said I could be anyone or anything." Loki's lip lifted into a knowing half smile. Nodding, you concede, "I did." Clinking the necks of your beer bottles together you flash Loki a slow smile. You draw your bottom lip between your teeth as you look at your black kitty cat, practically purring yourself. Loki watched your mouth move, his own lips parting slightly, as he leaned towards you.

You closed your eyes in anticipation of Loki's lip lock when you heard, "Reindeer Games! That is not an acceptable costume!! You can't just wear your battle gear..."

Tony stopped short when he saw your head snap around, golden horned crown bobbing slightly with your movement. Loki peeked at the intruder over your gossamer green shoulder. "Oh. My mistake. Great outfits. Party on." And with that Iron Man, dressed in a perfect replica of Elton John's glitter baseball uniform, swiped a bottle of vodka, and swaggered towards the noise.

"Wanna dance?" You're hopeful that he'll say yes because Loki is great on the dance floor, and he knows it. Grabbing you each a fresh beer, Loki nods, "Yes, my liege." And you laugh again at his deference to your implied title. "Then let's go!" Impatiently you stride back to the waiting crowd of friends singing and partying the night away.

The night passes in a blur of dancing, drinks and laughter. Everyone gets a kick out of you as Loki. You play up the role, ordering people to kneel like he would usually do, cracking sarcastic comments and snide remarks with regularity. You're overconfident and you're high on the bossy bitch this get up brings out in you.

"Kitten, grab me another, will you?" Rubbing under his chin like you'd do to a real little black kitty cat, you stroke one of Loki's velvet ears sweetly before brushing a kiss over his lips. He moans softly at your gentle petting and murmurs, "I think this kitten is ready to call it a night, darling."

You catch his eye and see what he's really saying. It's bedtime, not lights out, something that causes a blush to rise over you. Swaying away from Loki you tease, "You got it, cool cat."

Goodbyes take forever because all of you are well over the tipsy line. Wanda squeezes you for five minutes, unwilling to part from you, trying to tell you a story that she swears is hilarious but you just can't seem to follow. Tony tries to steal your crown but you wrestle it away just in time, blocking Steve from snatching it back again. You wave at Natasha but she's got Bucky pinned under her on the sofa, his orange top hat perched on her head and his hands on her ass.

Loki was waiting for you at the elevator, doors open. "How did you leave everybody?"

"Natasha and Bucky are totally hooking up tonight!" It spilled out of you with a drunken laugh as you stepped inside the mirrored moving cube. Pushing the down button with a skeptical smile Loki asked, "Really? Any other odd couples come out your costume convention?"

Suddenly serious, you step into Loki's space saying, "I'm going home with a black cat. That's fairly odd, since, ya know... I'm allergic to cats."

"I promise you, this tom cat is hypoallergenic. No mangy fur... no troublesome litter box." Boxing Loki against the reflective wall, your eyes lock on his ice blue ones, "And is he well behaved? I don't want a naughty kitty in my bed."

Swallowing thickly, Loki husked, "Maybe just a little." You pushed your body into his, collapsing the space between you, kissing along his throat. Loki lifted his chin with a hungry moan as you nipped his Adam's apple, leaving your mark on his pale skin. Grazing your lips over his strong jaw you make sure to pay extra attention to that sensitive spot just under his ear, where tendon and muscle meet.

"Good kitty." Your whispered praise makes Loki blush faintly, his trousers tighter now, as his body responds to your devious teasing. Pushing away from him when the elevator dings, you clasp his hand and drag an excited Loki into the night air.

With your heavy boots and swirling cape it seems like your stride has widened. There's a power in you that dressing like The Trickster has released and it made you feel other wordly. If you were behaving like your god, cocksure and dominate, then Loki was a mewling furball right now, content to be led wherever you went. You lace your hand to Loki's and start steering you both through the neighborhood, back to your home.

It takes a little bit longer than normal as the streets are full of Halloween party people enjoying the chance to be different for a night. You have your keys ready so it takes no time to slip it into your lock. As you bend over, ready to turn the knob, you feel Loki at your back. His strong hands roam over your hips tugging you into his hard, honed body.

"Uh uh little kitten. It's not time to play just yet." You admonish him while forcing him to release you. "Darling!" It was a whine. You'd never heard Loki beg before and the sound of it made your core clench, unchecked excitement coursing through you. Stepping inside, finally, you didn't pause for a drink or a trip to the ladies room. No, you stomped right into your bedroom, Loki in tow.

There's a moment right before snowflakes start their fall when all the world waits in quiet silence for the flurry to begin. A beat, maybe two, where the balance of nature breathes before being tipped one way or another.

This night, when you faced Loki across your soft carpeted floor, dressed in a replica of his armor, you felt that peaceful pause. Loki stood beside your closed door, eyes snapping with unreleased heat, looking sweet as homemade sin, in that black double breasted suit with pointed pussy cat ears and a hungry grin.

To him you looked like a vision come to life. Where Loki was long and angled hidden in that leather and steel, you were curvy and soft. The corseted costume accentuating your bust, those tall boots lengthening your legs, even the helmet looked sexy and dangerous framing your sweet face.

"Loki..." Reaching out a hand to him, you felt the world tip into frenzy as the flurry started.

It took him two steps to reach you. One hand wrapped around your waist, tucking you into Loki's side, the other curled around your neck, supporting it, as your mouths met. Feasting on your lips like a starving man, Loki deepened the kiss when he buried his hand in your hair and pulled your head back firmly. You felt his other hand brush over your ass cheek before Loki squeezed down hard.

Moaning, "Loki... Loki..." you were being driven out of your mind by his talented tongue. His hand followed the hem of your skirt and you moaned when you felt Loki's fingers slide under the elastic leg of your panties.

Placing a flat palm against Loki's chest, you push away from his embrace. He lunges for you once more but you wiggle free of his grasp, cheeks enflamed and breathing hard. You stop to straighten your helmet before asking, "Little kitten... your goddess has a question for you. Why is no one licking my thighs?"

Loki growls, sounding like an actual rabid animal, as he stalks over to where you're standing by the bed. He shoves you down to the mattress, following you into the soft surface, and kisses you deeply again.

"Be gentle, little kitten..." You teasingly remind the dark prince who is laying between your parted knees. Looking down at you like a cornered mouse, your black cat promises, "You're going to find out that kitties have claws, lovey."

Without pausing, Loki's palms push roughly over your long leather boots. You sigh when his rough skin connects with the smooth satin of your inner thighs. He follows the path blazed by his hands with his moving mouth. A lick, teeth tasting, thumbs kneading, trailing closer to your apex, warm and wet and waiting. Loki switches sides, searing his route to your molten core into your memory.

Reaching for him, you run your hands through his long dark locks, fingers connecting with those little furry triangle ears. You groan when Loki yanks down your underpants, pulling them free over your footwear. Echoing your need, Loki chuckles, "Look at this... my queen, wet and writhing before me. Being me for a night did this?"

Eager to get Loki back to business you counter, "Yes... it feels... amazing."

Rich laughter bounces around your bedroom as Loki says, "It certainly does! Listen, I really like this suit, so give me a moment, won't you darling?"

Sitting up on your elbows, cape bunched beneath you, legs open obscenely you stare at Loki, already loosening his tie. "Um... your queen is NOT ok with taking a break. Get over here and finish what you started!"

One arm free from his dark coat, Loki freezes. "To do that I need to be unencumbered by these clothes, my lady."

Huffy now, you grumble something about rotten timing and shimmy your skirt off without leaving the bed. Loki's shirt buttons are abandoned as he watches you, naked below the waist, corset and cape still shrouding you, helmet on but askew. It's ridiculous and righteously sexy.

"I'm just gonna do it myself. Don't worry Loki, I've got it." You move your hand down your soft tummy, closer to your throbbing clit, anticipating the firmness of your arousal.

"Wait! That's not fair!" He has one leg out of his trousers, hopping around, trying to get them off so he can get back to getting you off.

"Fair schmair, kitty cat." Your fingers spread your lower lips, sweetly dipping into your wetness, the friction making you shiver. Loki, naked except for those ears, locked a tight hand over your wrist. "Allow me."

You try to shrug him off but Loki is able to bring your hand to his lips. Slowly he draws those tasty fingers into his warm mouth savoring your flavor. Blue eyes piercing yours, Loki drops your hand, saying "Now... my troublesome little dictator, this kitty thinks you need a tongue bath."

It's your turn to growl. Loki's strong hands fan over your hips, sliding seductively over your legs. You gasped when he jerked your booted knees over his broad shoulders bringing your liquid center closer to his hungry mouth. Exhaling a hot breathe against your aching cunt, Loki chuckled lowly as you thrust forward, searching for his touch.

Your sigh of frustration turned into a squeal of pleasure when Loki licked firmly through your drenched skin. Flicking his tongue over your clit with tiny licks, like a cat lapping at milk, Loki had you near to climax in minutes. His cat ears tickled the rarely touched place where your pelvis meets your thigh, sending shivers through you. With a rough bite to your straining nub, he pulled away. "Loki! Keep going!", you practically shouted.

But you needn't have bothered. Slowly circling your fleshy pearl, Loki drew it between his soft lips, sucking lightly. You bucked against this delicious torment but Loki's grip on you tightened. His thumbs opened your dripping slit, giving him full access to plunder your depths with his articulate fingers.

Rocking your hips against Loki's hand, his mouth still taking nips and nibbles of you, your orgasm gains power. Your breathing catches, happy hums streaming out of you, as your inner walls tighten around Loki's driving digits. "Loki...... I'm going to cum..." It's a warning and a promise.

"Oh, sweetling, let go. Let me feel the power of your pleasure!" When Loki pressed down on your clit while curling his fingers against your velvet walls you lost your battle with control. First your muscles locked together in glorious, bone cracking tension, then you fell apart like a puppet with cut strings.

Loki stroked your silken skin through your climax, easing your body back to earth. Instead of stealing your energy, your release made you want more. Rolling up onto your knees you reach for your little kitten, tangling a hand in his ebony locks, before forcing your lips together.

You rush your hands down Loki's strong core, over the corded muscles of his abdomen, stopping at the heavy length of his cock. Through gritted teeth Loki sighs, "Careful darling."

"Would you be careful, my kitty cat? I don't think so." Sliding your soft palm along his steel length, you add a touch of pressure, and rub your thumb across his glistening head. Stroking Loki, you kiss him again, your tongue working against his mouth to the same rhythm as your hand.

Loki breaks your grip with a strained groan. "Inside you. I have to be inside you.", he whispers as he drops his forehead to yours, staring into your eyes.

Tenderly you sigh, "Fuck, Loki. That's hot."

Smiling broadly, he nods, "I know, Right?"

Before you can respond, Loki's laid himself on your bed, back resting upon the headboard, his erection proud and ready. "Come here!" Patting his lap, excitement evident, he's in a rush for you to join him.

Pausing to unzip the restricting corset you've been in all night, you let it and the satin cape slide off your shoulders but you keep the boots on. Loki's eyes drink in your gorgeous body, his bottom lip held in anticipation. You reach up to remove the paper helmet hugging your brow only to stop when Loki hummed, "Keep it on."

Giggling softly you nod. There's something carnal about your near nudity which makes you feel emboldened. It's that same power you had in Loki's costume, the feeling of infinite possibilities, all uniting for you. The thrill of it makes you slick with need for the wicked man you're straddling between your thighs.

Your pelvis streched over Loki's, his straining cock pressed between your bodies, those large hands of his molded to you hips. Stroking his length once more, you raised up on your knees and guided him into your tunnel. Loki pushed down on your curves, driving himself inside of you with glorious purpose in one stroke.

Stuttering out a curse word, your head fell back, exposing your neck to Loki and his ravishing lips. With his strong arms pulling you tighter, you rolled your being onto his, taking more and more of Loki's body each time.

When his lips found your breast you groaned. Out of instinct you gripped Loki's head and pulled him closer. His hands drifted down your spine, over your ass cheeks, and hugged you tighter than you thought possible. Your nipples were covered in wet kisses, faint impressions of Loki's teeth were red on your skin, and still you wanted more from him.

Grinding together, your sensitive bud rubbing so deliciously against Loki, your body nears the peak of its passion. His grip on you drags you down, harder and harder, spearing your spiral of desire. Your tender walls shudder around the hard heat of his member. "You're going to cum, little one. I can feel it. Please, please cum for me."

The humid breath of his broken whisper in your ear sends your body into bliss. Shuddering around Loki's bones, you hear him grunt and hold your hips wide over his own as he spills his sexual release into your receptive skin. Gripping him hard enough to bruise, you're locked together, sharing a single body... a single breath.

It takes you both a long while before your breathing returns to normal. Never taking his precious blue eyes off of yours, Loki brushes a stray strand of hair behind your ear. "I hope my queen is satisfied..." he teases.

"Hmmmmm... yes... yes she is... and my scary black cat?", you ask as you flick one of the flocked ears, now slightly askance. "Oh, he'd purr in pleasure... if that were possible."

Loki stirs inside of you making you jump. "Wait... please. Just a little longer, Loki." You're not ready to let go of his body, his spirit, his heart, just yet. Wrapping your arms across his shoulders, you rest your chin in the crook of Loki's neck and idly play with a lock of his hair.

"Loki?" You murmur, drowsy and still a teeny bit tipsy.

"Yes, darling?" He turns his bright eyes to yours.

"Next year we're going as Westley and Buttercup, from The Princess Bride..." You yawn and slide off Loki's lap, wrapping the comforter around you both.

With a gentle smile, Loki answers, "As you wish, little one."

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend (Geralt x Reader, Part 3.)

Series description: The Butcher of Blaviken has a long and famous past, thanks to his friend Jaskier. Yet, neither of those dies easily and it still lurks behind Geralt like a shadow after all those years. History, neither unfriendly relationships, doesn't die easily.

Part summary: Two witchers in one hall can be a lot. Especially when they are not friends at all and if Jaskier and Dijkstra are present as well. 

A/N: Well, here we go with miss reader being a coronated savage and badass bcs she definitely can kick Geralt's ass in ten seconds precisely and kill Jaskier with one look alone. Her song is kinda maybe New Level by A$AP Ferg I guess?

Tagging:  @osgon-azure​ @davnwillcome @missdictatorme​ @nemodoren​

Word count: 2.2K

Master list: H E R E

It was so boring to stand there and watch these people having... Fun. A big man huffed out ironically, taking another sip of his wine. He already hated all about that convention and may I say, he was there only for half an hour. His friend seemed to be enjoying himself and the ladies if Geralt had to say.

And these clothes. For what on earth he was fucking wearing a robe like this? With a shirt that was ironed? The fuck was going on with Geralt? And on top of that, he was drinking fancy wine in the Vegenbul residence. This whole situation was beyond laughable.

"Ya don't dance, mister Witcher? Are ya the big scary man everyone is telling us about?" - A woman appeared next to him and she was beyond drunk. From what Geralt was able to smell, it was a wonder she was still standing on her feet. All Geralt responded with was a good long hum and a stare into the middle of the dancing crowd.

"Ya not a good company. I wonder what does the bard sees on traveling along with you." - The drunkard told Geralt pretty loudly and stomped a few meters away from him. Geralt thought that maybe, she would fall flat on her smudged and sweaty face, but to his surprise, she walked to another group of guests.

The ball was just boring. Geralt was there only because it was related to business. Otherwise, he wouldn't come. When he watched everyone from the corner of the room, he wondered about his outfit. Yennefer would be happy to see him in the clothes he had on. Naturally, Geralt's attention was drawn when a guest who was running late was being introduced.

No-one dared to come late at events like these. No-one was that rude. Except for two people who were slowly walking the stairs while trumpets were telling everyone that these two have arrived. For a small while, Geralt could see only legs - one of them was limping badly. That was Sigismund. Geralt had personally fucked up that lag, he knew how bad did Dijkstra limped. The other one was female - at least according to the high heels they were wearing and a long robe studded with shiny rocks. After a fairly long observation, the rocks appeared to be diamonds - which was extremely dumb and also extremely expansive.

And when Geralt saw that hair, he didn't even need to see the rest of her face. She was dramatic as always - expansive dress, late arrival, and an emotionless face. He closed his eyes and turned away, knowing she already saw him in that fancy suit.

"Let me introduce lady Y/N of Kaedwen and sir Sigi Reuven of Novigrad as the last guests of this ball." - A man in a uniform said, bowed to these two and left. Geralt was already sick of her. No matter what, Y/N was always acting like a child and a bitch, there were no other words to describe her behavior. There was also nothing that would make Geralt sure that this time, she'll behave like an actual adult.

His eyes shot a quick look at Jaskier. That man, of course, was over his heels for her already. To be honest, there weren't many ladies who were showing their cleavage this blatantly; let alone the dress showing her leg up to her thigh.

Y/N was walking the hall, having elbow entwined with Sigi's, giving a pleasant smile to everyone. If Geralt had to say, you were the most pleasant looking and acting witcher of them all. People would choose you as the nicest, yet they never got to know what's hiding under that mask. It was a killing machine full of small numbers. It was calculating every single move and taking in everything around you.

It was too late to hide already. Dijkstra had seen Geralt and waved at him to join you and young lady Vegelbur. Jaskier almost approached you as well - but just seconds before that, someone tugged his jacket to make him play the lute.

"Geralt." - Was the first word he heard from you. - "What a... A pleasant surprise." - You grinned a bit, taking an elegant cup of wine to at least hold something in your palm. You never drank on events like that since witchers and witchresses got drunk extremely fast. Geralt never drank more than one pint of ale but this time, he was thinking about breaking the rules.

No-one noticed the short pause of disgust when you greeted him. So you two were still on the same page you ended up on the last time you saw each other, that was good to know.

"As always, the pleasure is on my side, Y/N." - Geralt said back as politely as he was capable of. Before you had the chance to say something back, Dijkstra stopped both of you.

"These are the witchers I was able to persuade to take the job, lady Vegelbud. They are the best of the best. I swear on my very own name." - The man pointed at the both of you, making you both grin a bit at lady Vegelbud.

"I've met with sir Geralt a couple of times. He saved my life when the murders in Novigrad were taking place and my gratitude for that is endless." - Lady smiled at the man, bowing to him a bit. Then she turned to you and took in your appearance with her eyes. And let's say, you were a lot to take in.

"As for lady Y/N of Kaedwen, I'm not entirely sure if I've ever heard her name. I can see that you're a witchress, fair lady, but I haven't seen you around here." - Lady Vegelbud tried to smile as nicely as she was capable of. She winked at you, staring the unnerving amount of skin you were showing off.

For an unknown reason, you were eye-catching. It was strange to see a woman who was appearing so thing yet so masculine, so beautiful and dangerously looking. Your golden eyes which were appearing as if they shone... She couldn't look away. Gently, you smiled and winked back at lady Vegelbud.

Yet again, Dijkstra jumped in so you wouldn't say anything back.

"That's because lady Y/N doesn't travel here that much. Mostly, you'd find her on Skellige or Redenia with sir Lambert. But that's how I'm sure that lady Y/N is the right choice to solve your problems." - Dijkstra told her with all of his charms, smiling a bit. You nodded gratefully, pushing your lips together.

"Is that so? So you and sir Geralt know each other from the past, have you met, slaught a monster perhaps?" - Lady Vegelbud asked with a burning passion, awaiting an answer from you. Not from Geralt, not from Dijkstra, but you. There was still the silence where only Jaskier and his band could be heard.

"I know sir Geralt for a long time. We've been raised together on the School of Wolf in my homeland, Kaedwen, but after that, out ways parted. But to answer your question, we did slay some monsters together before sir Geralt here got famous by his party in Blaviken." - You smiled sweetly and even if Geralt did his best to completely ignore you, he had to look at you. You saw Dijskra shifting his position and you knew you had already said too much, so you shut up and smiled even more.

Lady Vegelbud was way too curious. She asked you a million questions - about monsters, about being a witcher and a woman at once, about the dream of having a child which you didn't have... You finally got rid of her shortly after midnight. And that was when you saw Geralt drinking his third ale in the corner of the room. You naturally couldn't let that slip past your attention.

"What a naughty boy you are." - You winked at the man, putting your cup of warm wine aside. - "Look at you drinking the ale as a lemonade. Uh, papa Vesemir would be sooo fucking angry." - You looked around, watching the crowd dancing, talking, drinking, and dancing. They were boring.

"Better making myself drunk than trying to talk to you, eh?" - Geralt finished his third ale and then got into your wine almost immediately. You didn't tell him a word, you just rose your eyebrows.

So you were still on the same page you ended up on all those years ago.

"My approach to the situation will be as follows - we have to get there as quickly as we can, kill the monster, take its head and we need to get back. It's the start of fall now and when we get back, it will already be time to get to Kaer Morhen." - You said sincerely and Geralt nodded immediately.

"You'll be getting back to Kaer Morhen for the winter? Haven't seen you there in years." - Geralt sincerely wondered. While every normal witcher or witchress got there in the winter, you haven't shown up in the last five years. There was no need for witchers in the winter.

Everyone always gathered back in the keep to tell stories, have fun, and to share memories. No-one was hunting in the winter since most of the monsters almost disappeared. Each school always gathered in their keeps as a big family, and School of the Wolf wasn't different - yet you didn't show up for more than ten years. You were always spending the winter in warmer kingdoms than Kaedwen. That year was different. You wanted to tell goodbye to everyone before you'd disappear in the thin air. And this time, you meant to leave the witcher business for good.

"Yes, I feel like I haven't seen my family in years." - You answered with a pinch of irony. And according to swift steps behind your back and Geralt looking all terrified, you knew that soon, your party will have a new member. And it was none other than the man and bard himself, Jaskier. Or as you called him, the jester who was traveling with Geralt.

"I feel like you and I haven't spoken nor dance yet. So to be nice, I decided to join you and my friend, lady, my name’s Julian Alfred Pankratz, but you can call me..." - And that was the exact moment when your fingers caught his jaw in a fast and precise movement. You pushed his cheeks together, making him look like a fish before you slowly looked him in the eyes.

"I don't care." - You said simply, observing him. After looking at Jaskier with disgust, you let his jaw go. - "This is one cute puppy to keep you warm in the cold nights, I tell you, Geralt. Now, gentlemen, excuse me while I’ll join some enlightened company to talk about political bullshit. I expect you to be ready in the morning to look at the maps of attacks and what did the witnesses say." - You bowed so it would still appear somehow decent. When that was said and done, you turned on your heels and left the two men standing alone.

"Jesus, first of all, did she assume you and I having a secret relationship? Secondly, how dare she call me a puppy, and third of all, Geralt, what in the bloody ass is wrong with you?" - Jaskier took the half-empty cup of Geralt’s hand, drinking the rest of the alcoholic drink. Geralt didn't answer, nor cursed or hummed, he just looked at Jaskier, waiting for what Julian had to say.

"What is it with you always picking bloody psychopaths as your romantic interest? First, we had to suffer under Yennefer's reign of terror, then there was this whole bloody thing with Triss Ranuncul, and how gladly I would forget about your fling with Keira Metz?" - Jaskier looked at Geralt offendedly, making the witcher stare him down.

"This woman isn't near being my romantic interest. I'm surprised she hadn't tried killing me yet." - Geralt answered honestly, watching you talk to a local alcohol merchant. You were overreacting a serious lot, but you indeed had something Geralt was painfully lacking - charm.  

"So she’s not taken yet is what my ears hear." - Jaskier whispered with a growing smile, but Geralt punched his shoulder rather harshly to get him out of the trance.

"Don't try your tricks on that woman, I beg you. I don't want to scrape you off the ceiling when she gets pissed. I'm going to bed and you should do the same." - He gave his friend one last piece of advice before he left the room to have a good rest.

[winchester-fantasies]

Just a Taste

Summary: You want this Halloween to go down in the books as one of your favorites. And you’re about to find out just how epic it can be. (Halloween Special 2019).

Word Count: 3851

Warnings: smut, dirty talk, swearing, jealous Dean & possessive Dean (two of my favorite warnings! lol)

Pairing: Dean x Plus Size Reader

A/N: Happy Halloween! 🎃 Hope you enjoy!!

Winchester Fantasies’ Masterlist

     You huffed as you surveyed yourself in the mirror. It was Halloween, and although Sam had outright refused, you had finally convinced Dean to accompany you to the party right up the road at the small convention center.

     Dean had adamantly declined your suggestion of wearing a costume, but you were determined to go all out and make this Halloween go down as one of your favorites. You'd ordered a costume off of Amazon, but as you surveyed yourself, you half-regretted your decision. 

     The sheer material of the bodice clung to your waist, accentuating not only your curves but the extra roll under your bra line, too. Your breasts were pronounced, the tops peeking out from the costume's neckline and jiggling every time you moved. 

     You put your hands on your hips, turning slightly to get a better view of your backside. You groaned. The hem of the skirt was almost obscenely short. Thank Chuck you'd decided to wear stockings, otherwise everybody and their mother would have an eyeful of your womanhood. Online it was described as being a sexy clown costume, but with the way it fit you, you thought slutty clown more appropriate.

     You sighed heavily as you went back to doing your makeup. Maybe if you did your makeup really well it would take attention away from the ill-fitting costume. You knew that was only wishful thinking as you leaned over the sink. Your breasts shifted just right, the left one nearly popping out of its restraint. You quickly righted, stuffing it back down and adjusting your top. You silently cursed and made a mental note to never purchase a costume from Amazon again.

     With your makeup complete, you took one final look at yourself. You still didn't like what you saw, but it was too late to turn back now. You'd just have to make the best of it. You drew in a deep breath to steel yourself before you walked out into the main room of the motel.

     Sam glanced up from his laptop, and he blanched. "Hey, Sam," you said nonchalantly.

     You sauntered over to the table, and Sam tensed, pushing back in his chair slightly. "You take one more step, (Y/N), and I swear to God..." Sam warned, pointing a threatening finger in your direction.

     You ignored his warning and instead closed the gap between you. You wrapped your arms around him from behind, your chin resting on his broad shoulder. You couldn't stifle a chuckle as his breathing grew heavier.

     You knew it wasn't necessarily the nicest thing to tease him when you knew he was deathly afraid of clowns, but you just couldn't help yourself. He was like the brother you never had, and you both were always joking or playing good-natured pranks on one another.

     "You know I'd never hurt you, Sammy," you playfully crooned. He flinched at your words, and you couldn't resist planting a wet, sloppy kiss on his cheek.

     "Hey, (Y/N).... Whoa!" Dean said, stopping in his tracks as he walked through the door and stared at you leaning over his brother. "Am I...interrupting something?"

     You chuckled as you straightened. You shook your head and wiped the remnants of your makeup off Sam's face. "No," you said. "Just having a bit of fun."

     "More like fucking torture," Sam grumbled.

     You chuckled as you grabbed your bag from the table beside your bed. "You know you love me, Sammy," you said. Sam just rolled his eyes. 

     "You sure you still want to go to this party?" Dean asked.

     "Yeah, of course," you said. "Why wouldn't I?" you asked with a frown.

     "It's just..." he trailed off, his eyes studying your outfit skeptically. His critical gaze hurt, but you tried to hide it.

     "I don't care where you guys go," Sam interjected. "Just so long as you get her the fuck away from me!" He shivered in disgust, and you couldn't help laughing.

**********

     "So where is this party anyway?" Dean asked as he pulled out onto the highway.

     "Google says it's in a convention center a couple blocks from the motel," you said, checking the address on your phone.

     "Convention center?" Dean asked incredulously. "So what? It's gonna be some fancy-schmancy shindig?"

     You rolled your eyes. "No, Dean," you said. "It's not a 'fancy-schmancy shindig'. It's just a little party with food and dancing."

     "Dancing? Really?" Dean asked, his voice rising in pitch. 

     "Look, Dean," you snapped. "I know Halloween isn't exactly your thing, but you're the one who decided to come."

     "Me?" Dean bellowed, his eyebrows shooting up. "You practically forced my hand!"

     "Then why didn't you just say you didn't want to come?" you asked, throwing your hands in the air.

     "Because," Dean shouted, "you wanted to go!"

     Silence fell over the Impala. You drew in a breath as you tried to regain your composure. "You're impossible," you muttered, running your middle finger and thumb over your eyelids and pinching the bridge of your nose. 

     Dean sighed heavily. "Look, (Y/N)," he said, his voice softer. "I just don't understand why you want to go to some party where people are dressed up as the monsters we hunt everyday. I mean, our lives are basically Halloween on steroids."

     "I just wanted to celebrate, that's all," you grumbled, crossing your arms. 

     "We celebrate Halloween at the bunker every year," Dean pointed out. "Why couldn't we just stick to tradition?"

     "I don't know, Dean," you clipped. "I just wanted to do something different."

     "Whatever," Dean huffed with a roll of his eyes.

     "Can you at least try?" you asked. "You don't have to dance or mingle or anything else. But just try to have fun," you implored. "Please."

     Dean drew in a breath. "Fine," he grumbled.

     You sighed and turned towards the window, looking at the passing scenery disappearing in the waning light. This wasn't how you'd envisioned the night going at all.

**********

     Loud music drifted outside as Dean parked the Impala. Your heels clicked on the asphalt, tension still pervading the air. You shivered as a brisk breeze flew around you, only adding to your discomfort.

     Dean held the door open for you once you reached the entrance. The music was even louder inside, the sounds of Michael Jackson's "Thriller" reverberating around you. You and Dean paid the $5.00 fee before walking into the auditorium.

     The smell of sweat and stale beer filled the air. Despite the small room, at least two hundred people crowded the space.

     "I thought you said it was gonna be small," Dean said loudly, surveying the throng of people lining every wall.

     "I thought it was going to be," you shrugged. "Let's go find a table," you hollered above the music.

     Dean nodded as you led the way. You wove through the crowd, your shoulders bumping into several people along the way. You hated crowds, and you were on high alert. You sighed in relief once you came to the far wall. 

     You found a vacant table, and Dean sat down. "You want a drink?" you yelled. Dean nodded, and you returned his nod.

     You made your way back through the crowd. The refreshment table was right in front of the DJ, and you thought whoever came up with the floor plans for tonight's party had to be one of the worst party planners. The music blared right in your ear, almost painfully.

     You took up two Solo cups, filling one with beer from a keg for Dean and the other with spiked punch.

     "Hey," a voice said, and if it hadn't been for the slow song that started playing, you wouldn't have even heard it.

     You looked up to find a man standing beside you. He was tall - at least Sammy's height. His dark hair was slicked back, and his blue eyes glowed in the dim lighting. 

     "Hey, Dracula," you said, surveying his tux and black cape. He grinned, revealing a set of fake vampire teeth. 

     "I vant to suck your blood," he said, in his best Transylvanian accent.

     You rolled your eyes at the cliché but grinned nevertheless. The man chuckled at your reaction before extending his hand. "Josh," he introduced himself.

     "(Y/N)," you said, setting down one of the cups and taking his hand. His hands were soft and uncalloused. So different from the hands of a hunter. But his handshake was firm.

     "You here with someone, (Y/N)?" he asked, looking between the two cups. 

     "Yeah," you nodded. "My friend," you said, picking up a couple bags of M&Ms and tucking them under your arm. 

     "Want help with that?" Josh asked as you took the cup from the table.

     "Nah, I got it," you said. "But thanks for the offer."

     Josh smiled. "See you around?" he asked hopefully.

     "Maybe," you said with a coy smirk. You turned and walked away, swaying your hips a little more than necessary.

     "What took you so long?" Dean asked grumpily as you set his beer in front of him.

     "You're welcome," you said sarcastically, tossing the bag of M&Ms at him. He jumped back in his chair as his hands fumbled to catch the bag. The candy landed at his feet, and he groaned in irritation as he stooped to pick it up.

     You tsked. "Better watch it, Winchester. Your hunter reflexes are getting a little rusty," you teased.

     Dean shot you a glare as he straightened in his seat. You laughed before taking a sip of your punch. You scrunched your face up as the liquid burned down your throat. Whoever made the punch didn't know the proper ratio of punch to rum.

     "I met someone," you said nonchalantly, looking out at the dancers. 

     When Dean didn't respond you looked at him. His face was blank and unreadable. "Oh, yeah?" he asked. 

     "Yep," you said. "Name's Josh. And he's really fucking hot," you said with a grin.

     Dean chuckled and took a sip of his beer. "I'm thinking if I play my cards right, I might just get some tonight," you said, wiggling your eyebrows suggestively. "Chuck knows I haven't gotten any lately," you muttered, popping two M&Ms into your mouth.

     But as the night wore on, you began to think the entire idea of going out tonight was a total bust. You had gotten up a few times to refill yours and Dean's drinks, but other than that nothing happened. You thought you'd never had a more boring and uneventful night. Dean outright refused to get up from the table, and the harder you searched, the more you were sure Josh had already left. 

     You were just about to call it a night when you felt someone tap your shoulder. You looked up to find Josh, wearing a wide grin.

     “Hey,” you said, smiling. “I thought you already left.”

     “How could I leave without a dance from a beautiful girl?” he asked with a wink, and your stomach flipped.

     Dean cleared his throat, and you turned to find him looking between you and Josh. He raised his eyebrows, sending you a pointed look. 

     “Oh, uh, sorry,” you said. “Dean, this is Josh. Josh, my friend, Dean,” you introduced, gesturing between the two.

     “Hey, man. Nice to meet you,” Josh said, extending his hand.

     Dean paused for a moment, staring at his outstretched arm. But finally he reached out and shook it. His face was undecipherable, and you weren’t quite sure why he was acting like he didn’t even want to acknowledge Josh.

     You mentally shrugged it off as Josh extended his hand to you. “So...you want to dance?”

     “Okay,” you said shyly. You took his hand as he helped you from your chair and led you to the dance floor. The soft notes of “Witchcraft” by Frank Sinatra started up. You wrapped your arms around Josh’s neck as he snaked his around your waist.

     “So…” Josh said awkwardly.

     “So?” you asked with a grin.

     Josh chuckled. “Umm…. What do you do?”

     “What do I do as in...work?” you asked, cocking your head.

     “Yeah,” Josh nodded.

     “I’m a historian,” you said. Not exactly a lie. You were practically a historian with the amount of research hunting required. 

     Josh’s eyes lit up in interest. “Oh, really? What field?”

     “Mostly lore and mythology,” you shrugged.

     “Oh, wow,” he said. “Sounds intriguing.”

     “It is,” you said.

     Josh looked at you slyly. “So you know any lore on vampires?” he asked, baring his plastic fangs.

     You chuckled. “Oh, I could tell you lots,” you said.

     “And how do I fit the bill? Am I authentic and scary enough?” he asked good-naturedly. You had to hold back a laugh. If only he could see the real deal. He’d be scarred for life. 

     “Eh…” you said, rocking your hand back and forth in a so-so gesture. “More like rinky-dink, Hollywood version,” you said playfully.

     Josh’s face fell in mock hurt, and he grasped his chest. “Way to shoot down a guy’s ego,” he said with a chuckle.

     “Hey, but you’re still a cute Dracula,” you flirted.

     Josh cocked an eyebrow. “Oh, yeah?” he asked suggestively. You bit your lower lip and nodded. He drew in a deep breath as his arms tightened around you, and his hands slid lower on your back. “Well, I happen to think you’re the sexiest clown I’ve ever seen,” he said, his mouth only inches from your own. You could smell the remnants of rum on his breath as you closed your eyes, waiting for the press of his lips on yours.

     You yelped as you were roughly jerked out of Josh’s arms just as “Monster Mash” came through the speakers. “Ow!” you exclaimed, as the fingers around your bicep tightened.

     “What the fuck, Dean?” you shrieked, turning to find him behind you. His face was hard, and his eyes were dark with something you couldn’t quite place.

     Dean didn’t reply, instead whirling around and dragging you behind him, Josh’s feeble attempt at a threat echoing after you. Dean stalked through the crowd, curses and loud groans falling around you as he all but shoved people out of his way. He flung the doors open with force and veered to the left.

     You stumbled after him, your ankles twisting a couple of times as you fought to keep up with him in your heels. He dragged you around the side of the building into nothing more than an alleyway. He was breathing heavily as he shoved you against the wall, the cold brick hitting your back.

     He put both hands on either side of you, caging you in. His face was hard, and even in the dim light of the streetlight, you could see lust emanating from his eyes as he leered, his gaze sweeping over you.

     You shivered as a wave of unexpected arousal washed over you. “Wh...what the fuck, Dean?” you asked again, this time your voice a tiny whisper.

     Dean leaned forward, his nose nestling into your hair. He drew in a deep breath and growled in admiration. “Do you even know how hard tonight’s been for me?” he asked.

     “I...I know it’s been hard for you,” you stammered. “I’m sorry I dragged you here, and it won’t happen aga….”

     “No!” Dean barked. You jumped as one of his hands smacked the brick next to you. “I’m not talking about that,” he growled. He nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck, nipping at the skin. You fought against the moan that threatened to escape as your stomach tightened with desire. 

     “What I mean is…” Dean panted. “Fuck, (Y/N), this boner has been so damn hard to conceal. Why do you think I never left the table?” he asked, his voice deep.

     “Wh...what are you talking about?” you gasped. His hands fell to your hips, and he jerked you towards him. You could feel his bulge against your hip as he lightly rutted against you. 

     “You feel that, sweetheart?” he asked. “This is all your doing. This is what you do to me,” he groaned as his movements stuttered at the friction.

     You were shocked into silence. How had you come to the party with your best friend but left it, pressed against a wall by the man you had hopelessly pined over for the last five years?

     “Fuck, baby, when I saw you all dressed up like this, it took everything in me not to rip right off you. So fucking sexy,” he growled. His hands were now roaming freely, caressing your curves, fondling your breasts, kneading your thighs. His hands came behind you and grabbed your ass in both of his hands, digging his fingers into the meaty flesh. You gasped, and your hands flew around his shoulders, holding him tight against you.

     “Shit, (Y/N),” Dean breathed. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to touch you, taste you....feel you from the inside,” he rasped.

     “Dean,” you moaned, your hands sliding from his back to the base of his skull. You weaved your fingers through his hair, tugging lightly. A low groan escaped his mouth as he found the juncture of your neck and collarbone, lightly nipping at the sensitive skin.

     “I was willing to let a little innocent flirting slide,” he said, pulling away. “But when that asshat laid his hands on you, that was an immediate deal breaker.”

     “Dean,” you moaned again, this time louder.

     “I want you to know…. After tonight, I’m gonna be the only one whose touch you crave,” Dean growled before burying his face into the soft and plump flesh of your breasts. 

     “Dammit, Dean!” you snapped. “Fucking take me already!”

     Dean leaned back, a cocky smirk crossing his lips. “Your wish is my command,” he said. He slid down your body, leaving open-mouthed kisses across your torso, his warm breath steaming your skin through the filmy fabric of your costume.

     He knelt on his knees in front of you. He looked up at you with hooded eyes before lifting your leg and throwing it over his shoulder. He pushed your panties to the side, and he growled in appreciation as your wet folds glistened in the streetlight. 

     “Damn, sweetheart,” he murmured. “Already so fucking wet.”

     You whimpered as he leaned forward, his warm breath fanning across your core. “All I could think about tonight is how fucking good you must taste,” he said. 

     Your breath hitched and you leaned your head against the wall as his tongue slid through your folds. “Mmm,” Dean groaned. “I was right. Your pussy is fucking intoxicating.”

     You moaned as he dove back in, his tongue pulsating over your clit. Your hands flew to the back of his head as he moved it around, his scruff shooting electricity through your core. 

     You gripped the wall, bits of mortar cramming underneath your fingernails as you clawed at the bricks. “Dean…. So...close,” you breathed, barely able to speak past the pleasure.

     Dean abruptly switched his tactics, licking around your vulva. He inserted two fingers into you, and you nearly lost it. His movements were steady and unhurried, dragging out the pleasure, building you up to the grand finale. 

     His fingers pumped into you, the wet sounds of your dripping core mingling with your soft moans. You heard voices around the corner, but you didn’t care if you were caught. You were already too far gone.

     Dean crooked his fingers, the rough pads of his fingertips meeting your sweet spot. Dean suddenly straightened, his face burying into the crook of your neck. “C’mon, baby,” he whispered. “Cum for me. Wanna feel your walls clench around my fingers.”

     With that you came, your walls clamping down with a force they never had before. A deep moan escaped your throat, and Dean swallowed it as his mouth found yours, the sweet taste of you still on his tongue. 

     “Damn, Dean,” you chuckled breathlessly once he had disengaged his fingers. You wiped your sweaty brow with the the back of your hand, your now ruined clown makeup rubbing off.

     Dean chuckled. He leaned forward, capturing your lips into another heated kiss. Your fingers fumbled with the button on his jeans before you found his fully erect member. You pumped it, his hips rocking into your palm as he exhaled a deep groan.

     You felt him twitch and knew he was close. “Enough, enough!” Dean barked, slapping your hand away and stepping back. “Fuck, sweetheart,” he panted. “I love a good hand job as much as the next guy, but, baby, I gotta feel you,” he said desperately.

     You bit your lower lip as you shimmied out of your skirt, panties, and stockings, tossing them beside you. You reached out for him, drawing him against you. His hands cupped your ass again before sliding them to the back of your thighs. You jumped up, your legs wrapping around his waist. His hands held you steady as he centered himself with your core.

     He pushed in slowly, giving you time to adjust to him. A groan escaped his mouth, and you sighed as he bottomed out, his tip meeting your cervix. “Fuck, you feel so good,” he said, leaning his head on your shoulder. Dean pulled out slowly before plunging back in, setting a brisk pace. 

     You gripped his shoulders, your fingers fisting into his heavy jacket. His manhood dragged across your sweet spot, searing warmth flooding your body. Sweat dripped from Dean’s nose and chin and rivulets ran down your face, creating unsightly trails through your remaining makeup.

     You felt your coil tightening and knew you were already on the verge of cumming again. “Not gonna last much longer, babygirl,” Dean said breathlessly, his speed not slowing, but his movements growing sloppy.

     “It...it’s okay,” you gasped. “I’m almost there, too.”

     Dean snaked his hand between you, his fingers rubbing quick circles over your clit. The floodgates of pleasure ripped open, and your muscles tensed. “Dean!” you cried out as your orgasm washed over you, your body trembling uncontrollably.

     “Fuck. Me. Runnin’,” Dean grunted as his hips faltered. He spilled himself inside you, aftershocks milking him for all he was worth.

     Your chests were heaving as he pulled himself from your core. He buttoned up his jeans again before taking a handkerchief from his pocket and carefully cleaning you up, his ministrations gentle. 

     You pulled your skirt back on, and Dean stuffed your ruined panties and his handkerchief back into his pocket. You shivered, suddenly very aware of just how cold it’d become. He took off his jacket, placing it around your shoulders. You smiled gratefully at him as you started making your way back to the Impala.

     Dean threw his arm over your shoulder. He leaned in, his lips grazing your ear. “What say we get a separate room tonight, and I can really show you what you’ve been missing?”

     You giggled as you leaned back, meeting his desirous stare. “That wasn’t proof enough?” you asked, motioning your head behind you.

     Dean chuckled, his voice dropping low. “Oh, honey, that was just a taste.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you for reading!

***Please do not share my content on any other platform without my consent.

[minecraftoworymode]

picked a whole bouquet of whoopsie-daisies the other day reading some Very badfeel content so to cheer myself up here’s some super self-indulgent ramblings about romeo recovery post-s2

“YOU CAN DANCE IF YOU WANT TO YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY BEHIND” or how romeo learned to stop worrying and indulge in the ““feminine”“ shit in life

when romeo transitioned he scrubbed everything that could be potentially viewed as feminine from his appearance and behaviour. while he did everything he could about the former (hairstyle, clothing, body language, voice), it didn’t feel like enough bc he couldn’t change some things that ppl used to be jerks- his frame (short and lithe), his family, his being trans- so he made up for it by trying to “act” like a “real man”. this unfortunately meant he was super vulnerable to manipulative alt-right indoctrination tactics (”we will validate you as a man as long as you endorse our assholery and share our shitty beliefs about what it means to be a man”) and he was on the verge of getting sucked into gamergate ideology when [THIS LORE IS ANOTHER POST] and hey, now the world is minecraft. u dont gotta perform gender roles for villagers they dont care. xara will not only actually eat ur liver for pulling The Bullshit but when you are kind she smiles, so bright and warm, and it is very very nice so maybe you should keep on doing that. n fred? fred is chill with their Everything in a way uve only ever Dreamed of. romeo marinates in this sauce for a couple centuries and comes the closest to being comfortable in his own skin he’s ever been.

however,

after the Incident he slam-dunked himself back into the hypermasculinity juice bc it was a mindset “safe” from feeling pain, whether his or others’. n since the worlds the admins created dont have the same ideas of gender as the world they came from, once he’s been dethroned romeo has a particularly hard time adjusting wrt That on top of all the other 2750347502730 issues he has to face

anyway flash forward a couple months of being incredibly volatile bc he now has to confront all the terrible things he did and how Dare u make him do that and maybe if hes nasty enough he can provoke someone into killing him and saving him from having to unpack All Of That- (note from @simple-mooshroom-herder​: Xara and Jesse at least grasp that Romeo will probably burn himself out on this bullshit eventually and the best thing to do is interact with him with a certain level of healthy detachment. Eventually he'll see that theres no "getting out of this" and he'll start to do the Work but until then its very frustrating to see that tactic take him nowhere.)

- one day petra notices how he’s constantly staring at all the ppl wearing cute dresses in beacontown and at first she thinks he's being creepy but then realizes that he's not being creepy and actually she knows exactly how he feels bc she also used to look at ppl wearing clothes super not suited for combat like that, like she wished she could wear them too, like if she just didnt have to keep up this image of the Warrior who is Not Soft Ever-

n ok. listen. these worlds have been specifically engineered to be better and kinder than the one the admins came from, and when people mess up- even REALLY mess up- people are generally not only willing to forgive you but support you as you try and get better. it’s instinctual for communities to respond to misdeeds with rehabilitation and reconciliation, rather than retaliation and renunciation (tho its not an overnight thing and it generally takes 1-3 people to spearhead the process, esp if the actions have affected a large group of people). like. ivor created something that almost destroyed the entire world, not just beacontown, yet by the end of season one he’s grown to be a part of the team- n its not just jesse & co being forgiving here, bc when ivor made his s1 build with 3 lava source blocks people objected to it, but by s2 he not only has lava in his build but a giant lake of it. (im assuming the fences around said lake are coming eventually, bc safety is still important, but the implications im choosing to take from this are a) despite almost ending the world people let him into their lives anyway and b) the community not only grew to accept but encourage his self-expression.)

BUT ANYWAY before i go off on that even more one day petra and romeo basically put on an impromptu fashion show in jesse’s house (bc their house is huge and, kind of perfect for a fashion show, and also right next to the order hall’s armory whence they stole a bunch of fancy swords to match the outfits) n theyre having a blast until the hero in residence , returns to their residence (and with COMPANY) n romeo is absolutely Mortified- caught red-handed showing feelings of an almost human nature, oh my god, this will NOT do- n this whole grand soliluquy of shame and excuses and apologies grabs the steering wheel of his tongue but he cant even spit a single syllable out bc jesse and lukas almost immediately dip leaving romeo panicking for a second before they come back with their inventories FULL of cute outfits, including a billion skirts and dresses, some of them are even enchanted so theyre like. super shiny or constantly flowing or things like that.

this actually ends up spiralling into a town-wide... not quite fashion show bc there's no runway or anything, everyone just shows up in their cutest/coolest outfits .. fashion convention?? Anyway several people come up to him and compliment him on his outfit casually before continuing along, not recognizing him not only bc of how hes done his hair and makeup n what hes wearing but he just seems... so happy (he might be wearing something on his head? like a headpiece or hat or something? but also maybe not hmm)- whoever this is, he's not hunched over like he's got several centuries' worth of sins crawling on his back he’s not trying to shrink and make small a human-shaped apology for the simple fact of his existence not dragging his feet like hes ready for, dreading, a hundred mile trek through the desert repenting hes just. hes literally just Vibing

anyway he's mostly been silent or just providing very quiet "thank you"s but when it turns out that some people showed up ready to play music and there's a song that he knows he literally cant help but start jamming out its the GOod Stim everyones a-dancing and a-jiving and some people start to sing and so of course he does too (the healing power of dancing and singing in cute outfits.... unfathomable) but. ppl recognize his voice

and after a few seconds he notices how quiet it's gotten all of a sudden n everyones looking at him like "oh shit thats the admin" and honestly his heart breaks. visibly

but

then someone starts singing, so quiet it takes a moment for him to hear over the sound of an encroaching panic attack (oh god he has airpods in), but when he looks over theyre smiling - theyre smiling at hiM???? AND IT DOESNT EVEN LOOK MEAN??- and doing this very simple step, that he catches onto just as easily as he matches their singing (its a fairly common little tune n dance)

theyre like standing like a good few meters away but as they take turns with lines in the song they slowly inch closer

and he thinks hes starting to recognize the dance that the steps theyre doing is from but at the part in the song thats coming up ur supposed to allemande left and even tho theyre like, less than a meter away now literally no one has really wanted to get close to him, let alone actually touch him, so hes totally expecting them to be like 'psych' and humiliate him in front of the entire crowd-

BUT THEN THEY ACTUALLY GO FOR IT???

he completes the step without even thinking about it n continues onto the next in this state of dull bewilderment where there is but one braincell active in his head and it is just going, in a very tiny voice, "danser?"

- when they linked arms the person briefly seemed surprised that he didn't like, chew their arm off or anything (he had. kind of snapped at people a few times during the past few weeks), but then their shock turned into a wide smile and they sort of- nodded? at someone over his shoulder like 'come and join us, it doesn't look like he's going to kill me after all you guys can put the eulogy writing on hold'

what rly makes his heart do the confused and hopeful conga is that this isnt even anyone romeo knows, its a total stranger. or- like- he saw them while he was pretending to be jesse he just didnt care to get to know them beyond ‘name and gimmick’- its not even someone who has any reason to think he'd be cool to befriend its literally jsut someone taking a chance on him (tkae a chance take a chance take a chance take a cha)

afterwards hes like "i should thank jesse for putting you up to that, it was fun" and theyre like "what? jesse didn't "put me up to" anything, dude, you just looked super choked. * something something surfer lingo who would i be if i just left someone to feel bad when they could be having fun dancing you know?*"

he H

[cilldaracailin]

A Kind Of Magic

So sorry for not updating this. I have been back to work and writing the next stories in the series. I will post the last two updates to this one tonight. Thank so much for all the love. Hope you enjoyed it :)

24

“In some rare cases, a friendship between two people benefits both of them, and what’s more, in some rarer cases, it benefits both of them equally.”

“So, are we dressing up tonight?” Asked Robyn as she sat with Taron at lunch at the island on Friday.

“Yes of course.”

“Ok, let me re-phrase ‘cos I have a feeling that our definitions of dressing up are very different. So are we going like suit and tie and fancy fancy dress or smart casual and fancy dress?”

Taron chuckled. “Robyn do you own a fancy fancy dress?” He asked.

“Erm no. I am sure my dress from my secondary school dance is in the attic somewhere but it more than likely doesn’t fit.”

“Ok let’s start again. The restaurant. How fancy?”

“Not very. Just a normal restaurant.”

“Ok so smart casual? Shirt and jacket?” He asked.

“Sounds fine to me. I shall find a normal dress.”

“Not a fancy fancy dress? You could wear your pants suit.” Suggested Taron.

“Yeah it’s not that kind of restaurant. I have a little black dress somewhere I can pull out.” Taron whistled. “Shut up you.” She put her plate in the sink. “I going back to work.” She said as she walked past him. “See you later?”

“Yep for our date.”

“Our friendship date.” She corrected as she picked up her keys, phone and purse, walking out of the house to the sound of laughter.

She arrived home to see Taron at the piano. “Whatcha doing?” She asked as she took a seat beside him.

“Nothing. Just messing around.”

“Want to learn a quick song?” She asked. “You already know it.”

“I do.”

“And you have played it on guitar already.”

“And we are back to Johnny Gorilla.” He grinned. “But yeah I’d love to.”

“So same as the chords on the guitar. A minor, F and C.” Robyn played the chords for him at the lower bass notes, letting him have the middle of the piano keys.

“Go again?” He asked.

She played the first chord, Taron copying her and then the next two. “Same three chords over and over.”

“Until the ‘darlin’ in the chorus. That’s different right?”

“So you do listen to me.” She said.

“Of course I listen to you. I always listen to you. What’s the chord?”

“A G.” She said and played it for him, listening as he played the first three chords over and over. “You got it. Now you just have to sing and as you get used to it, you can add your left hand in with a single note or two or three from the same chord as you go.”

“Will you left hand for me for the time being?”

“Of course. I will play right down here and you can take the middle and once comfortable just add the left hand in.”

It took Taron a few minutes to get happy with his rhythm but once he got there, he started to sing but Robyn stopped him. “Wait.” She got up from the stool and walked to pick up her phone. She placed it on top of the piano just as Taron had, making sure it was set to video with the two of them in the frame. “Ok. All yours.” She said as she sat back down. “Wave at the camera Taron.” She grinned as he did so. “Taron and I, playing piano take two.”

“And probably not in one take.” He added as he played the first chord.

It took them three takes to get the song from start to finish and Taron smiled with accomplishment when he was done, giving Robyn a sideways hug. She reached up and stopped the video. “You are good teacher.”

“Nah, I gave you a song you knew and you already have the basics and it had four chords.”

“So, you gave me the easiest song you could so I wouldn’t feel bad if I failed.”

“No, I gave you the chords I knew you could play and a song you could learn from start to finish and sing perfectly. I would never set you up to fail.”

Taron smiled her way. “I know Robyn. Thank you for teaching me something I can play.”

“You are very welcome. Now do you mind if I take the shower first?” She asked as she stood up.

“Not at all.”

“Let’s aim to leave at seventy-forty?” She suggested as she kicked off her converse. “That will give us time to drive in and park.”

“Sounds good to me.”

She walked into the bedroom and closed the door behind her, hearing Taron playing the piano again. Making her way into the closet, she pulled out her favourite black dress, her one of two black dresses that she owned and dropped it on her bed. It mightn’t have been a conventional date, but it didn’t mean she wasn’t going to make an effort for their last night together. She was going to send Taron home with a bang, celebrating what had been a wonderful two weeks together. Even though she was dreading tomorrow and deep inside was laden with sadness, tonight she knew they were going to eat, laugh and get as many hugs as possible in.

Once showered, she threw a dressing gown on and dried her hair straight, her normal go to style. Grabbing an empty make up bag from one of her shelves, she walked to the make-up table and threw in what she needed. It wasn’t something she wore a lot but with the special occasion planned for the evening, she wanted to add at least a bit of shade to her eyes and a colour to her lips. She grabbed what make up brushes she would need and an eye shadow palate and opened the door to the bathroom, Taron still sitting at the piano.

“All yours.” She called to him as she took a seat at the breakfast bar.

“This your chosen outfit for dinner?” He asked as he stood beside her.

“Did you know that blue dressing gowns with a dolphin on the back are all the rage in Paris?” She replied as she walked past him and back into the bedroom. Taron following her, noticing her choice of outfit laid out on the bed. She left him the bedroom to walk into the closet to pick up her plug in mirror so she could do her make up by lighted mirror in the kitchen, leaving Taron the bedroom for himself. All she would have to do then would get dressed and it wouldn’t take her long. Before she left the closet, she also grabbed a small bag of hair pins and clear plastic bobbins, deciding she would do something else with her hair. She walked into the bedroom and Taron had pulled his duffle up onto the bag and was routing through it for something to wear. “I will leave you to it then.”

“Can I borrow your fancy French dressing gown if I can’t find something to wear?” He asked as he pulled a white shirt from his bag.

“Sure, why not. I can go to dinner in my nudey nudes.” She laughed as she walked out and closed the door behind her, making her way back to the stool at the breakfast bar. She plugged in the mirror and upended the make-up bag onto the counter.

She quickly plaited two braids either side of her head and pulled them out so they were big, loose and a bit messy and pinned them at the back of her head, tucking the ends in and pulling some strands out so they framed her face. Plaits were her trademark style when she wasn’t keeping guests entertained and had the time in the morning to do them and was happy with the change of hairstyle for her evening out.

Make up was just not her go to thing, Robyn never really bothering unless it was for a reason and even for that reason, her looks were natural. She turned her mirror on and rubbed in some make up primer before picking up a foundation brush and bottle.

After Robyn had closed the bedroom door, Taron held up his shirt and frowned. “That is going to need an iron.” He said. He had yet to wear the white shirt and he hadn’t hung it up either and after being left in his bag for two weeks it was completely creased. He really hadn’t thought he would be needing clothes for dinner but thankfully had also thrown in a dark blue suit jacket just in case he would need it and turned out he would. He dragged it from the bag, deciding it was going to need an iron too. He had been happy to wear his shorts and t-shirts for his first week with Robyn, the weather beautiful and the second week that typical Irish weather he had been expecting appeared and he lounged around Robyn’s in his jeans and t-shirts throwing on the one hoodie he had or a button down shirt when it got too cold. With nearly all of his clothes out of his duffle now, he could see the one other pair of shoes he had. A pair of black boots. Another just in case he had thrown into his duffle at the last minute before he left for the airport in New York. He was going to pull a decent outfit together with his boots, white shirt, dark blue jacket and his black jeans.

Pull his green t-shirt over his head, he dropped it into his bag and sauntered into the bathroom. He was going to miss her rainfall shower and as he stood under the fall of the water he relished in the beat of the droplets on his back. Washing his hair with Robyn’s shampoo for the last time, happy to see the glitter ruined body wash had been long binned, he took one more minute before stepping out and wrapping himself up in another towel Robyn had left for him on the towel warmer. He decided he was going to shave and found it easier this time as the right side of his face healed quicker than his ribs and once he was done he smiled sadly in the large mirror. He made his happy and sad faces like when he was in Rocketman and shook his head. “Get a grip Taron. Not the time for this.”

He strolled back into the bedroom, Robyn’s dress still on the bed beside his wrinkled shirt and jacket. He quickly dried off and dressed his lower half and picking up his creased clothes, walked out into the kitchen.

“Hey do you have an iron and ironing board?” He asked and when she looked up from the mirror, he couldn’t help the smile he gave, as he took in her light smokey eyes, making their blue colour pop more and barely there lip colour.

“Yes I do and what is that smile for.”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?” She asked as she stood up and walked into closet at the door, lifting out her ironing board, Taron helping her set it up. She went back in and brought out the iron and set it up on the breakfast bar, plugging out her mirror and the iron in. “What’s the smile for?” She asked again.

“Just ‘cos. I like your hair.” He said.

“Changing it up.” She answered as she stood beside him. “You shaved again.” She said.

“Might as well. On a break, I can get lazy and not bother but tonight is a special occasion so I made an effort.”

“Efforts being made all round then.” She agreed. “Your side still looks so sore Taron.” She commented as her eyes wandered down to his ribs.

“Still is.” He answered honestly. “It will take more than two weeks for these bruises to disappear.”

“I never gave you that arnica gel, did I?” She asked him. She strolled away from him and into the bathroom, opening the cabinet and routing for her tube of arnica gel. Finally finding it, she brought it out to him. “Better late than never right?” She said handing it to him. “You can take it with you and…” Robyn walked into the kitchen and opened the press to the left of the fridge and took out another tube. “Doctor Keane gave this to me for my shoulders in the hospital to help take the sting off the pain from the sunburn.” She handed him the other tube. “Mix the two together and it will give you a little more relief.”

“You sure I can take these?”

“I don’t need them.” She answered. “It will help.”

“Might as well start now then.” He placed the medicated pain relief rub onto to the breakfast bar and opened the arnica gel and squeezed some onto this right hand. He awkwardly unscrewed the other tube and added some of the clear gel to the other and went straight for his ribs, rubbing the ointment into his skin, the cooling sensation from the pain relief sending wonderful shivers down his spine. “Would you mind getting my back. Can’t reach there.” Without an answer Robyn walked behind him and spread the gel from his side around to his back, being very gentle with her movements, enjoying the happy sigh he gave. “This stuff is good.” He said as Robyn walked into the kitchen to wash her hands.

“Not a miracle cure but definitely takes the edge off.” She heard the iron beep. “And that is ready for you.”

“Great thank you.” He walked into the kitchen to wash his hands at the sink while Robyn took her seat again, picking up her bronzer and brush. “I might just take a bath in it.” He laughed as he walked back to the ironing board.

“It’s a medicated rub Taron. You can only use it three times a day.”

“Spoil my fun.”

“No trying to keep you alive.” She answered back smiling.

“Already done that Robyn.” Taron set his white shirt out on the ironing board and picking up the iron started to iron all the creases out on the front and sleeves before moving to the back. “Stop staring at me Robyn.” He said as he took a look to her.

“You are good at that ironing thing.”

“I know I have a stylist for my events but my mam made sure I knew how to iron a shirt. The suit jacket however, I am not too sure of.”

“Exactly the same as a shirt but…” Robyn stood up and walked around him to the laundry room. She came back with a white square cloth handkerchief. “Just place this on the material before you iron it so it doesn’t cause any heat damage.”

“Thank you very much.”

“No worries. I am going to go and get dressed.”

She walked into the bedroom and closed the door. The time was coming close to seven twenty and they had twenty minutes left before they had to leave. She stripped off the dressing gown and after spraying some body spray and perfume, pulled on her dress. It was one of her favourites and had her go to skater style as she knew it flattered her figure. The scalloped round neck wasn’t too low and the three-quarter length sleeves took away the need for a cardigan and the length was just above her knee. She heard a knock on the door. “Come on in Taron.” She called and he walked in with a grin.

“All crease free.” He had already put his shirt on and buttoned it up, leaving the top three buttons open and tucked it into his jeans. “I plugged the iron out and put the board away.”

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“But I did and have done. You look fabulous.” He smiled. “Little black dress right?”

“Of course. Just need some shoes.” She walked away from him and into her closet and picked her high heeled ankle boots, slipping her feet into them and zipping them up. She walked a little higher with her heels and into the bedroom where Taron had put his jacket on. “Hello handsome.” She grinned at him.

“And we match heights again. Heels? Thought you hated them.”

“Well I don’t think I can wear converse with this dress.” She stopped and thought again. “Actually, no that’s a lie. I have worn converse with this dress but for dinner, no. Going all out.”

“You look beautiful.” Taron stepped over and kissed her cheek. “I am excited for our dinner.”

“Thank you and you don’t scrub up too bad yourself.” She repaid the compliment. “And I very much looking forward to it too. Let me grab a bag and we’re good to go?”

“Sure.” While Robyn sorted her bag out, he walked into the bathroom and opening his washbag, pulled out some hair gel. He quickly gelled his hair back a little. He was still very conscious of the yellowing bruises on his forehead and the thin red gash with the single steri-strip but he was wasn’t as bothered about being noticed as he had been when he first arrived. He washed his hands before taking out his aftershave and patting some on. It had been a long time since he had been on a date, whether it was a friendship date or not and he could feel little nerves running around his stomach but it made him smile. He knew that his heart did a dance when he saw Robyn in another gorgeous outfit but he still agreed with her on the fact that they were friends and always would be. As much as Robyn wasn’t willing to risk their friendship, he had absolutely no intention of letting her go and would do nothing to destroy their bond. He took his feelings and didn’t bury them but accepted that the love between two friends could be just as strong as the love found between a couple.

“You checking out your appearance? Let me tell you, it’s a nice one.” She walked up behind him with a smile on her face.

“You sure you don’t want to walk a red carpet with me Robyn? We could work this look together.”

She chuckled. “Never going to happen. You ready to go?”

“Yeah all done.” He quickly tidied away his washbag and followed her out to the kitchen.

Robyn grabbed a leather jacket from her closed and pulled it on, Taron helping with the right sleeve. “It feels strange going out for dinner.” He said as they got into the car and Robyn drove them out of her drive. “I mean we have spent the last two weeks taking turns cooking.”

“This place does really good food Taron. You will enjoy it.”

“Don’t you know me well enough by now that I will eat anything and everything. I am sure I can find something I like.”

Music filled the car along with singing as they made their way to dinner and once Robyn had parked the car, Taron was enjoying his visit to a new town, looking around as she guided him towards the restaurant.

“Mayburn is much bigger than Kilcreen.” He said as they walked with their arms linked.

“It’s a college town. There’s a big university here so it needs to cater for all the students. Before that supermarket that you love so much was built in Kilcreen, I would come here to shop and this is the town I got the pizza from the other night.” She walked him down a small side street and then took a right down some steps into the entrance of the restaurant.

“This is a nice little place.” Commented Taron as he opened the door for her.

“Thanks. It’s big inside and its popular. You did good to get a table on a Friday night.”

“I didn’t do anything special or name drop before you ask.” He said as he walked up the reception desk. “I just asked to book a table for two and they had one.” He looked to the lady at the desk. “Hello. I have a table booked for two please.”

“And the name?”

“Taron Egerton.” He answered.

“Ok have you here.” The hostess took two menus from beside her book. “If would follow me please.”

Taron motioned for Robyn to go first and followed her, enjoying how the restaurant was designed with tables set along walls but also in cubbies and little booths, using all the space they had, most tables already full with customers. The hostess stopped at a table tucked away in a little alcove in the middle of the restaurant.

“And here we are.” The hostess placed their menus down in-between the cutlery.

“That’s great, thanks so much.” Said Robyn.

“You waiter will be over soon.”

The hostess left and Robyn turned to Taron. “You want the inside or outside seat?” She asked him.

“I will take the outside.” He said but he walked over to Robyn’s chair and pulled it out for her.

“Seriously?” She asked.

“Yes. First impressions are the best.” Smiled Taron as he pushed her chair in as she sat down, taking his own seat opposite her.

“I don’t think we should really use our first impressions of each other.” Robyn slid her jacket off and picked up the menu.

“I have the best first impression of you.” Taron picked up his menu. “This woman who was doing her finest to get herself killed.”

Robyn smiled. “Well I can’t argue with you on that.”

“You just went straight up to Frankie and lowered his arm with the gun and then you back chatted him.”

Robyn chuckled. “Aww the memories.”

“What was your first impression of me?” He asked his stomach rumbling as he read through the menu, wondering what on earth he was going to choose when everything looked good.

“Honestly?” She asked. “In my mind I was going ‘Jesus that’s Taron fucking Egerton in front of me’ and then ‘Fuck I have just touched his hand!’”

“Did you fan girl on me?” He asked looking up at her, a huge smirk on his face.

“A little. I was completely taken by surprise and by Richard too. Not who I was expecting.”

Their waiter walked over to their table. “Can I get you both something to drink?”

“I am driving so I will just take a diet coke.” Said Robyn.

“I’ll have the same.” Taron was still taking his pain killers and knew better than to mix medication and alcohol.

“No worries at all. I will be right back with those.”

Taron grinned as his eyes scanned the menu. “You totally fan girled on me. I don’t think I know you any more Robyn.”

She laughed. “Only for the one moment though. After that you were just Taron to me, who desperately needed some help.”

“You were just Robyn to me, Robyn who did nothing but keep me alive.” He reached over and took her hand. “I still love you even with the fangirling.” He winked and went back to his menu. “So, what are you going to have.”

Robyn scanned the menu. “Probably the soup and salad.”

“Soup and salad? Soup and salad?” He said again. “Seriously?”

“What’s wrong with that?” She asked. “What are you going to have then?”

“This steak on the stone sounds very interesting and a bit more filling then soup and salad.”

“But you need to make room for dessert.” She countered.

“I always have room for dessert.” He replied back to her.

The waiter arrived back with their drinks and once he had placed them on the table along with a jug of water, asked if they were ready to order.

“I will have the soup of the day and your caeser salad with chicken for the main please.” Asked Robyn raising an eyebrow Taron’s way.

“And I am going to have your brie for starters and the steak on the stone.”

“Ok great. Thank you very much.” The waiter took their menus and walked away from them with their orders.

“Well Robyn without getting too emotional and being an entire sentimental wuss but, I am very glad you happened to be in that 7/11 at the same time of me and were willing to let a complete stranger share your home with you for the last two weeks and even tolerate glitter in your body wash. Once again, I will say it but I will never be able to repay you for what you did for me. So, cheers.” He held his glass up to Robyn.

“Thank you for trusting me and being a wonderful house guest and helping me along the way, naming cwtch and giving the best squishy hugs ever. Sláinte.” She said.

“Sláinte,” He repeated and clicked her glass. “Iechyd da.” He then said in Welsh.

“Iechyd da.” Robyn said, giving him a wink and the clicked again.

Even though they were out for dinner, their jokes, laughter and making fun of each other continued as normal and as Taron’s main course arrived his eyes lit up like a child’s on Christmas morning.

“Please be careful with the plate, it is extremely hot.”

“Of course, thank you.”

“And your salad.”

“Thank you.”

As the waiter walked away, Taron squished his nose up towards Robyn’s chicken salad. “So, are you feeling jealous right now?” He asked her as placed a slice of his steak onto the hot plate, the sizzle making his grin grow.

“Not in the slightest.” She said. “You probably have noticed that I am not a huge red meat eater.”

“Something I did see in our dinner choices.” Taron flipped his piece of steak over.

“Just not a fan at all.”

“Me like meat.” He replied as he put two more pieces of steak on the plate. “Meat good.”

“You’re so weird.” She said taking a bit of her dinner.

“But yet you let me stay with you.” He said taking a bite of his dinner, making yummy noises as he chewed.

“Well I wasn’t going to leave you out on the street.”

Taron enjoyed every piece of his dinner and Robyn watched with great interest as he used one her pieces of bread that came with her salad to wipe up the remainder of his dinner with his fork. “This was delicious. The food here is amazing.”

“I knew you would enjoy it.”

“Stuffed though.”

“I knew that too.” Grinned Robyn as she took a sip of water. Having dinner with him had been a most enjoyable experience and it warmed her heart to see him so comfortable in his surroundings and not worry about any of the other diners around him.

Their waiter walked back over to them. “Can I take your plates? Are you finished?”

“All done thank you.” Said Robyn.

“It was beautiful.” Agreed Taron.

“Can I get you a dessert menu?”

“Yes please.” Said Robyn immediately. “Always room for dessert.” She looked to Taron.

“And you sir?”

He hesitated but agreed to take one. “You are wise Miss Quinn. Leaving room for dessert. Salad and soup. It makes so much more sense now. I shouldn’t have eaten half a cow.”

Robyn chuckled and the waiter came back with the menus for them. “I will give you a few minutes to pick something but I can recommend the warm apple crumble.”

“Thanks very much.” Said Robyn as she picked up the menu.

“We don’t need no apple crumble.” Taron picked up his menu. “We can make our own. From scratch.” He added.

“That we can.”

“And rainbow surprise cake. Don’t see that on the menu here.”

“No but the chocolate cake looks very tempting.”

“Ugh Robyn I am so full. You should have mentioned the desserts.”

“It’s a pretty typical restaurant thing Taron, desserts.”

“I know but that main was so delicious.”

The waiter came back over. “So, have we picked anything?”

“I will take a slice of the chocolate cake but don’t heat it up, if that’s ok.”

“No problem at all and would you like ice cream with it?”

“Yes please.”

“And you sir?”

“I will skip the dessert but could I have a cappuccino please?”

“Sure.” The waiter took their menus.

“Can I get two spoons with the cake please?” Asked Robyn.

“Yeah of course.” The waiter walked away from them.

“You know me so well.”

“As soon as that cake arrives, I know you will want some so I will share.”

“You are too good to me.”

“And don’t you forget it.” Robyn smiled at him as he grinned back and this time she reached for his hand. “I know tomorrow is going to be shit hard for us and I am more than likely not going to be able to say a lot but I just want to…”

“Robyn…”

“No, I seriously won’t be able to say a lot tomorrow so just let me say it now. I do not regret one thing that I did for you in the 7/11 and I know that it will be hard for us to have to go our separate ways tomorrow but I am so glad that you have stumbled into my life and these last two weeks have been the best and I have enjoyed every minute of our time together and getting to know you, singing with you, watching you sleep, have a random tea party in my sitting room and even the fucking glitter. You are without a doubt one my best friends and I will always be here for you whenever you need a chat, pep talk, sing along or just to say hello. You think that I have done a lot for you, well you have been just as important for me. I really don’t think I would have survived the nightmares without you. I have learnt from you how important it is to talk and open up and not to be afraid to do so and worry about sharing your emotions and feelings and at the end of the day your friends are there to support you. As much as I have been a rock for you, you have been just as strong for me and the emotional support from you as well as the laughter, jokes and everything else has been amazing. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard every day and the singing? Etched in memories for ever.”

Without a reply, Taron stood up from his chair and walked around to Robyn and hunching down, wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly against him, so glad that she squeezed him just as tightly back. He didn’t care that they were in the middle of dinner. It was a hug both needed and he was happy to oblige, deepening the hug with a further squeeze.

“Oh, I can come back with these.” The waiter walked over to their table with her cake and Taron’s coffee.

Robyn looked up from Taron’s shoulder. “You can leave them on the table if that’s ok.”

“Yeah sure.” He said giving her a small smile. “Cake and two spoons.”

“Thank you.” As the waiter walked away, she gave Taron’s back a soothing rub up and down. “Want some cake?”

“Two more minutes.”

“I am going to miss the two more minutes thing as well.”

“I am dreading tomorrow Robyn.” He whispered. “I know how much I have leaned on you and yes I know I have my family and friends but you just know what I have been through and it’s easy to talk to you. I love laughing with you and your stories, your baking and so glad we haven’t had our sing off. Thank you so much for looking after me in every way possible and making me smile till my cheeks hurt and letting me snoop so much. Leaving will be hard but I have told myself, I would rather have had all this time with you rather than not having any at all and you owe my mam and me a visit and I will definitely be taking you up on your offer of your couch when I need it and who knows, maybe I can convince you to come with me to a movie premier.”

“I don’t own a fancy fancy dress.” She said into his neck, breathing the scent of his aftershave, enjoying how he chuckled.

“Easy to get a fancy fancy dress Robyn.”

“I do own some chocolate cake though. Want some?”

Taron hugged her tight again and left her go. “Please and I think that waiter thinks we got engaged.” He said to her, enjoying how Robyn laughed at his words.

“Why?”

“Well he came back and we were hugging each other and I am one knee.”

“Should we ring Lyndsey?” She asked as Taron went back to his chair. “Maybe prepare her?”

“I think we might be safe.”

“You sure?” She asked as she handed him a spoon and pushed the cake into the middle of the table.

“Yeah I am sure. Let’s take it one step at a time. We will keep with you saving my life before we get onto the big stuff.”

She smiled at him. “Let’s save it for our next announcement.” She said taking some cake with her spoon as Taron stirred some sugar into his coffee.

“Agreed.”

They shared the slice of cake between them, Taron letting her take the last piece but she ate half and handed him her spoon so he could have the very last bite, a cheeky little grin on his face as he ate it.

“Thanks for knowing I would want dessert.” He said as he put the spoon on the plate.

“Any time. Thank you for asking me to dinner.”

“Thank you for coming.”

The waiter walked back over with a large grin on his face. “So, do I get to say congratulations?” He asked.

Taron grinned at Robyn. “Not for the reasons you might think. Just two friends having a nice dinner together.” Taron watched a slight red fill the waiter’s cheeks. “I will take your congratulations though. She deserves every bit of it.”

The waiter smiled Robyn’s way while she blushed and gently kicked Taron under the table. “I will take your plates if you are finished with them.”

“Yes thank you.” Replied Taron. “The whole meal was delicious.”

“I shall pass on your compliments. Have a lovely evening.”

Robyn stared at Taron as he watched the waiter walk away. “Irish people don’t take compliments well Taron.”

“I have noticed that. You definitely don’t take a compliment at all.”

“Like I said, it’s an Irish thing.”

“Or maybe it’s just a Robyn thing. I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t believe it.”

“Did the waiter just tell us to have a lovely evening?” She asked after she drank the last of her water.

“And you are also very good at avoiding subjects and yes I do believe he did.”

“But we need to ask for the bill.” She titled her head as Taron’s eyes looked to the table. “You have already paid for dinner, haven’t you?” She asked.

Taron looked up her slowly. “Might have.”

“I have been with you the whole time we have been sitting here.”

“I can’t give away all my secrets Robyn.” He said winking at her.

“Taron you can’t pay for dinner. Let me split it with you.” She went to pick up her bag but he stopped her.

“No Robyn. I asked you out for dinner. I know you are an extremely independent woman but let me do the chivalrous thing and pay for our meal.”

Dropping her bag, Robyn agreed. “Thank you so much Taron.”

“Any time.”

They thanked the waiter and hostess on the way out of the restaurant, Taron opening the door for Robyn again and they walked back to the car. They had decided over dinner that before they went back to Robyn’s home, they would call into her parents so Taron could say goodbye.

“Will you have some tea?” Asked Lizzie as they stood in the kitchen.

“Next time I come back to visit.” Said Taron. “We have just had been out for dinner.”

“That explains the fancy outfits.”

Taron looked at Robyn and smiled. “Now I know where you get it from. Fancy outfits?”

“Mam we just came over for Taron to say goodbye. He is going home tomorrow morning.”

Lizzie stopped in the middle of lifting a cup down from the press. “Tomorrow?” She asked her hand still frozen in the air.

“Yeah. If I stay with Robyn any longer, I will have to pay rent.” He laughed. “And my own mother might come and get me if I don’t return home.”

“Oh right.”

“I will be coming back to see her and my mam has invited Robyn to come and visit us and my little sisters are counting on some Elsa plaits and if I can convince her, maybe a future movie premier.” He said.

“Well Taron, it has been wonderful getting to know you.” Lizzie stepped over and gave him a hug. “You have been a breath of fresh air around here and I know I have enjoyed your company when we had it.” She then whispered. “Thank you for making my daughter smile and laugh. I have seen my happy go lucky daughter come back to me.”

“What are you whispering to him?” Asked Robyn as she watched the hug last a bit longer than normal.

“Just inviting him back. I never got to show him your baby photos.”

“What it is about mothers and baby photos.” Sighed Robyn as her mam let Taron go, giving his hands a squeeze.

“I actually don’t have any more words for you Lizzie. Robyn will always have a very special place in my heart.” He blinked a few times, not realising how emotional it was going to be saying goodbye to her family. Reality was catching up to him quickly and he felt Robyn place her hand over his.

“Thank you for your kind words Taron and next time you come for a visit, please come over. I have albums and albums of photos for you to look through.”

Light laughter filled the air. “I will look forward to it.”

With another hug, the two left the house and walked back to Robyn’s. She had parked in her drive and they had strolled over to her childhood home and slowly walked back to her apartment, Robyn with her right arm wrapped tight around his waist. They didn’t speak as she opened the door and turned off the alarm, Taron going straight to the corner of the couch to sit down, Robyn sitting right beside him, her head falling to his shoulder, still with her jacket on.

Taron rested his cheek on her head and both took a long sad sigh. Robyn reached down to take his left hand in her right and linked their fingers, his hand as warm as always. Taron lifted their linked hands and placed the back of her hand against the material of his shirt over his heart.

“Still beating Robyn.” He said into her hair. He felt her unhook their fingers and place her hand flat against his chest.

“Just double checking.” She replied.

Taron placed a kiss on her hair and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. Neither had anything to say, not that words were needed between them but both were fully aware that if they tried to speak, it wouldn’t be words between them, but tears.

[dustedmagazine]

Dust Volume 6, Number 1

A new year means new music. At least eventually, it does, though January is notoriously slow for album releases. Meanwhile, there’s plenty we missed from late (and mid and even early) 2019, so let’s dig into that for one last big Dust. Here we cover subcontinental LGBTQ gangsta rap, industrial clangor, string quartets, Welsh agitpunk, electronics, free jazz, blackened death metal and an odd, charming collaboration between Cate Le Bon and Bradford Cox (see photo). Writers include Bill Meyer, Jennifer Kelly, Ian Mathers, Tobias Carroll, Andrew Forell, Ray Garraty, Jason Gioncontere, Ethan Militsky and Jonathan Shaw.

Jeb Bishop / Alex Ward / Weasel Walter — Flayed (Ugexplode)

Flayed by Jeb Bishop / Alex Ward / Weasel Walter

You know a party is good if it carries on even though the organizer can’t show up. Bassist Damon Smith planned this encounter, which involved his long-term partner in intensity and chaos, drummer Weasel Walter; New England improvisational fellow traveler (at least until Smith moved to St. Louis a few months after this March, 2019 session) Jeb Bishop on trombone and electronics; and Alex Ward, a veteran of work with Derek Bailey and This Is Not This Heat, on guitar and clarinet. Since Walter has played with both of the other guys in and outside of the Flying Luttenbachers, when Smith had to drop out for scheduling reasons, he was confident that the trio could make something of both the opportunity to play and the space made available by the absent bass. He was right. Both the title and prevailing assumptions about Walter might set you up to expect a one-dimensional blowout, but there’s loads of listening and thoughtful, instant reacting taking place on each of the album’s eight, mostly pithy tracks. This music plays out like a combination of jujitsu and shuttle diplomacy, with players shifting between support and challenge, density and space, rapidity and reserve from second to second.

Bill Meyer  

 Cartel Madras — Age of the Goonda (Sub Pop)

Cartel Madras turns gangsta rap’s hyper-male, African-American-oriented bravado on its side, filtering the guns and blunts ethos through a female, queer, multicultural lens without diluting its violence in the least. Sisters Priya and Bhagya Ramesh, known as Contra and Eboshi, have lived in Calgary since childhood, but they immigrated from Chennai, India, once part of Madras, hence the name, hence the tricky scales and intricate, not-quite-Western rhythms of their rhymes. Age of the Goonda works in a spare, menacing way, dense, referential wordplay atop an undulating threat of sub-bass and the occasional spray of bullets.

“Goonda Gold,” celebrates cartoonish dominance, though with a South Asian twist. Little bits of Hindi harmonics decorate the bare architecture of synth bass sounds and cracking, stabbing percussion (augmented here by gunfire); the Cartel’s chant of “Gold on my neck I’m a Goonda/got guns in the air like a junta” puts a subcontinental spin on ghetto law. The clever-est word sprays come in “The Legend of Jalopeno Boiz,” where the duo references everything from Frost/Nixon to incel stereotypes, but the single “Lil Pump Type Beat,” is all hedonism, devious syncopation and sexual predation. Though wildly intersectional, these tracks make no concessions to soft, liberal ideas about how women/minorities/LGBTQ people wield power; they do it just like the men do, with guns. “Take off your top boy/somebody bring me my gun/that bag in the back of the jeep/you just a bitch on the run,” asserts one or the other sister in “Jumpscare.” What was that you were saying about women and nurture?

Jennifer Kelly

 CIA Debutante — The Landlord (Siltbreeze)

CIA Debutante-The Landlord by CIA Debutante

A new Siltbreeze record is a rare blessing nowadays. The label’s first release since 2018 comes from Paris duo CIA Debutante. The Landlord fits in nicely with the label’s storied '90s output, particularly the Shadow Ring. The electronics aren’t quite glitchy—they sound more like the batteries in a cheap toy dying. Still, CIA Debutante are savvy enough to avoid getting too clever with their sputtering, plodding, and whizzing, and they don’t go the easy route when layering incongruous sounds. There’s never the fatiguing sense that they rely on the same few tricks. It helps that their murky, paranoid vignettes are fully engrossing. CIA Debutante tap into something truly nightmarish on The Landlord, which is a rare accomplishment. Sure, plenty of music shoots for tense and creepy, but CIA Debutante have an exceptional gift for the uncanny, the kind of stuff that haunts you long after you’ve woken up and can no longer hope to grasp it. Ethan Milititsky

Decoherence — Ekpyrosis (Sentient Ruin Laboratories)

Ekpyrosis by Decoherence

Decoherence is a pretty good name for a band that locates itself in the liminal space between industrial music’s stomp and clangor and black metal’s astringent tumult. The band’s new LP (and first full length release) Ekpyrosis is at its best when its waves of distorted hiss, dissonant riffing and distant shrieks and growls threaten to rend the record to shreds. One imagines that if you found yourself in an aluminum ladder factory, amid the massive drills and extruding machines and metal presses and then removed your ear protectors, you’d hear something akin to this — especially if the place was possessed by demons of ill intent. It’s a well-crafted, ritualized chaos. The band is so insistent on a specific set of sounds and forms that the record’s long tracks tend to blur into one another. Which may be the point. Decoherence, indeed.

Jonathan Shaw

 Bertrand Denzler / CoÔ — Arc (Potlatch)

Arc is a two-part, album-length work by Bertrand Denzler, a Swiss-born, Paris-based saxophonist and composer. It is performed by CoÔ, a string septet led by double bassist Félicie Bazelaire. The ensemble’s composition is a sort of funhouse reflection of a string quartet, distorted towards breadth; it comprises one violin, two violas, one cello and three double basses. But there’s nothing comic about this music, which is quite beautiful in the same way as a slow winter sunset. Denzler’s method here involves the use of continuous sounds, but don’t call it drone. The players use both conventional and extended techniques to create a continually changing sequence of striated sounds. Naked scrapes and cavernous groans arc in formation, changing fairly frequently over the course of each piece. The result is immersive enough to let you get lost, but keep your ears and eyes open; you wouldn’t want to miss one moment of gradual transition. A note about circumstances — Potlatch, the label that released this CD, has slowed its production in recent years, and this is the only record it released in 2018. Apparently, the label isn’t wasting its time with unnecessary effort; Arc clears the necessity bar.

Bill Meyer

 Fujiya & Miyagi — Flashback (Impossible Objects of Desire)

One of the interesting things about Fujiya & Miyagi’s songwriting is that as the UK post-motorik outfit’s music becomes ever more focused and sleekly propulsive, frontman David Best has zeroed in on any number of little aspects of life disturb and upset the kind of cool pulse the band specializes in. Here it’s everything from violations of your “Personal Space,” the “Fear of Missing Out,” and nagging thoughts in the title track to the more political concerns of the closing lengthy workout of “Gammon” (which eventually, in one of the little touches that makes F&M’s music so addictive, settles on the “pure evil vibrating” of a dial-up modem). That doesn’t mean the band can no longer bust a groove just for the pure joy of it, as “Dying Swan Act” proves, but it’s the combination of those chops and the perceptive if increasingly jaundiced eye they turn on life that makes them such a unique and compelling act.

Ian Mathers

 Cate Le Bon & Bradford Cox — Myths 400 (Mexican Summer)

Myths 004 by Cate Le Bon & Bradford Cox

Intricate fancies turn just out of true in this pop-up collaboration between Cate Le Bon and Deerhunter’s Bradford Cox, the fourth in a series of joint EPs recorded under the auspices of Mexican Summer’s annual Marfa Myths festival (hence Myths 400). The two artists work in a skewed, peripheral vision take on artful pop, building interlocking boxes of percussion and whimsey in which fleeting glimpses of loveliness flit by. The song-i-est bit of Myths 400 is undoubtedly “Secretary,” a Weimar-decadent bit of mournful song hedged in clanks and clicks, strings and clarinets, and the odd combination of Le Bon’s pure art-song shiver and Cox’s less pristine, more grounded voice. Yet the rhythm-centered oddities are just as rewarding; resist the slap-bang fanciful-ness of growly-voiced, Cox-led “Fireman,” with Le Bon trilling off center arias in the margins at your own peril. “What Is She Wearing” bangs out disconsonant guitar tones in slightly off center patterns and tunings; it’s a wind-up toy’s existential crisis. Le Bon chants in a Middle European cadence, as the cut falls somewhere between early Michachu and a Kurt Weil song. It’s about the last thing you’d expect to emerge from the desert, eccentric, abstracted, playful and utterly urbane.

Jennifer Kelly

  Urs Leimgruber / Andreas Willers / Alvin Curran / Fabrizio Sperra—Rome-ing (Leo)

Urs Leimgruber has covered a lot of musical ground in a performing and recording career that spans over 45 years. The three musicians who join the Swiss saxophonist on this freely improvised encounter, which was recorded in Rome late in 2018, are well chosen to access aspects of that history and shape it into sound configurations that are quite present-focused. Quick, light-fingered, and restless, drummer Fabrizio Sperra keeps things in constant motion. Swiss guitarist Andreas Willers stirs chunks of almost rock-ish noise and sprinkles stinging, pure-toned notes into the mix that give the music heft without slowing it down. Alvin Curran, an American keyboardist and composer (and member of MEV), draws on classical more than jazz elements in his piano playing; there are moments where he stubbornly erects a structure that the other musicians must either inhabit or work around. But his sampler also enables him to inject the sounds of other places. Shifting between tenor and saxophones, Leimgruber drives quickly spiraling phrases through the open spaces and uses astringent, distressed tone-shards to suggest where there needs to be more space.

Bill Meyer

 The Master Musicians of Dyffryn Moor — Music for the National Health Service (Amgueddfa Llwch)

Music for the National Health Service by The Master Musicians of Dyffryn Moor

When I was a younger punk, I would sometimes take in the phenomenon of bands’ whose lyrical explanations would take longer to deliver than the playing of the actual songs. And while I haven’t seen this crop up much recently, I feel like that aesthetic is alive and well when I visit the Bandcamp page of The Master Musicians of Dyffryn Moor, which includes a terse essay about the dangers facing the NHS under the current British government. This new EP follows two excellent full-lengths, Cerddoriaeth Ddefodol Gogledd Sir Benfro (Ritual Music of North Pembrokeshire) and Contemporary Protest Music, which blend the “instrumental music can be politically charged” feel of Godspeed You! Black Emperor with the intricacy of Steve Reich’s Drumming. These two songs continue in that tradition — furiously played percussion with a heated political subtext — but add a few tweaks to the sound the group has already established. Specifically, there’s a stronger electronic element here: you could probably get a dancefloor moving if you cued up “A spell to protect the NHS from those who seek to destroy it.” Its opposite number, “A hex on those who seek to destroy the NHS,” is built around a steady pulse. You probably can’t dance as well to that, but given the potential psychic damage incurred by dancing to a hex, would you actually want to?

Tobias Carroll 

 Overground Collective — Super Mario (Babel Label)

SUPER MARIO by OverGround Collective

The Overground Collective is a pan-European big band that is based in London and led by Paulo Duarte, a Portuguese guitarist/composer currently based in Scandinavia. If that sounds like a bit to get your head around, you probably need only wait a while to see what Boris’s Britain does to the freedoms of movement and thought necessary for such an endeavor to get off the ground. For the rest of us, it’s a nice illustration of why such fluidity is part of a better way. Duarte spent some time in England studying the ways of various improvisers, and recruited 17 to join him in realizing a set of compositions designed expressly for them. Certain of the participants come from free jazz (Julie Kjaer, Rachel Musson) or cross-genre experimentation (Yazz Ahmed), and you can hear the influence of such approaches in a few moments of freefall and adventurously conceived solos. But these elements fit into a structure that fits squarely in the tradition. Duarte sets tunes you could hum on grooves that’ll make you tap your feet, albeit quickly enough to annoy your neighbor if the floorboards happen to transmit your amateur approximation of his beats, and dresses them up in arrangements that could speak to a person who thinks that jazz’s lineage is a straight line from Duke Ellington to Maria Schneider. Music like this is a reproach to those who think that differences can’t be complimentary parts of a whole.

Bill Meyer

  Pictish Trail — Thumb World (Fire)

Thumb World by Pictish Trail

Folktronica from the tiny island of Eigg in the Hebrides, this latest album by Pictish Trail (Johnny Lynch) demonstrates the aesthetic value of both isolation and connection. Per isolation: Lynch lives on a windblown island with fewer than 100 other people. But as for connection, he is intimately involved in a northerly folk scene through King Creosote’s Fence Records and surrounded by local musicians. There aren’t that many folks on Eigg, but almost everybody plays an instrument. That kind of environment allows space for eccentricity and practice, which shows up on these expansive, dance-inflected, folk-shadowed cuts. Pictish Trail enlarges his subtle, personal songs with enveloping arrangements of rock sounds and club electronics; Kim Moore contributes some string arrangements and Alex Thomas of Squarepusher sits in on drums. “Double Sided” has the lilt and ramble of Three EPs Beta Band (Lynch has been out touring with Steve Mason lately), while gorgeous, glistening “Slow Memories” has the glitch, glow and aura of early Tunng. Thumb World demonstrates that music can be solitary without being lonely, introspective without self-absorbation. “You’re my solitude/I’m never so alone by myself,” sings Lynch, on the surprisingly rock-guitared “Bad Algebra,” underlining the fact that too many people (or the wrong people) can be isolating, and a few can provide the space for originality and experiment.

Jennifer Kelly

Pinkish Black — Concept Unification (Relapse)

Texas psych sludge prog metal duo Pinkish Black has been quiet for a little while; their last record, 2015’s Bottom of the Morning, was such a compact and potent summation of the miasmic bad vibes that Daron Beck (synthesizers, voice) and Jon Teague (drums) can summon up seemingly at will. No more than a minute into the opening title track of their fourth record you get a strong reminder of just that atmosphere; you might as well be in a haunted castle during the full moon. The closing, lengthy “Next Solution” also offers a reminder of what you might call classic Pinkish Black, but it’s the four songs in between that show Beck and Teague working to make sure there is always room to expand their dark palette. Whether it’s the relatively straightforward, thrashy “Until” or the prettily drifting “Inanimatronic” the results are always interesting. Bottom of the Morning remains the best introduction for now to this duo’s indelible sound, but once you’re a fan Concept Unification makes for a strong and promising follow-up.  

Ian Mathers

  Alexa Rose—Medicine for Living (Big Legal Mess)

“How I wish I were kinder, how I wish I were patient, I could learn all the songs on the gospel station,” trills Alexa Rose in a water pure soprano touched with shivery vibrato as she navigates the twists and corners of the title track from her lovely debut album. The Virginia-born, Memphis-based songwriter has a native’s familiarity with gospel, country and folk blues, but a fresh, sparkling delivery that makes these well-worn forms sound like she just thought of them. A lilting, effortless voice elicits spare melancholy sparked with hope and a crack band of Americana pros in tow – Will Sexton on guitar, George Sluppick playing drums and Mark Edgard Stuart on bass — fill out the songs without a bit of bloat. “Tried and True” enlists a cajun squeeze box and skittering banjo into Rose’s smart, unsentimental songcraft; country teems with strong women disappointed by love, but Alexa Rose is clear-eyed and strong enough to kick its ass without breaking meter. Gorgeous and empowered stuff.

Jennifer Kelly

Sartegos — O Sangue da Noite (I, Voidhanger)

O Sangue da Noite by SARTEGOS

This new release by Sartegos isn’t so much blackened death metal as it is a death metal record that morphs its shape and sound into black metal. The buzzy crunch and acrobatic soloing of opener “Sangue e Noite” gradually give way to leaner, meaner riffs, and by the midpoint of fourth track “Solpor dos Mistérios,” the record has fully taken on the properties of merciless, muscular continental black metal. The record may engage with various metal subgenres, but O Sangue da Noite is held together by Sartegos’s focus on Galician nationalist themes and celebrations of its landscape. The band is named for a miniscule rural hamlet in Galicia, and we are told that all lyrics are delivered in the region’s native dialect. Black metal and ardent nationalism don’t always make for the happiest of combinations. For those of us lacking fluency in the language, it’s tough to know what ideological charge the lyrics carry. And Galician regional politics feature a panoply of leftist and right wing factions, all with their own fiery arguments for the region’s autonomy. What sort of blood? Who sings in the night? Hard to say. But the music’s pretty good.

Jonathan Shaw

 Seablite – Grass Stains and Novocaine (Emotional Response)

Bay Area quartet Seablite’s debut album navigates the fuzzy end of indie pop with aplomb. Vocalists Lauren Matsui (guitar) and Galine Tumasyan (bass) are joined by drummer Andy Pastalaniec and ex-Wax Idol Jen Mundy on lead guitar for 11 tracks of chipper, summery shoegaze that sit easily alongside their most obvious influences Lush, Curve and Stereolab. Seablite’s songs are elevated by the interplay of twin vocals, clean guitar lines and bouncy bass lines supported by cymbal heavy motorik drums. There’s steel beneath the gauze as Mundy brings a little of the Idols’ shade to proceedings and Pastalaniec drives songs like “Pillbox” and “Polygraph” hard and fast down a euphoric freeway of top-down thrumming thrills. Yes, it sounds like a lot of bands you’ve heard and maybe loved but Grass Stains and Novocaine is so well put together and convincingly played it’s hard to resist.

Andrew Forell

 Seiðr — Intethedens Afsky (Nattetale)

Seiðr is a one-man band from Denmark. For just one man, he was awfully busy in the past year, having put out three records. Intethedens Afsky can boast of 10 tracks of dirty, primitive sound with bursts of melody buried immediately under a wall of noise. The inspiration for Seiðr’s music can be found in early 1990s Norwegian black metal, and Claus H. (that’s his name) cannot be blamed for being too much of a good student. Why shouldn’t he have learnt from his elders? The first two tracks here have samples from “nature,” and this gives us a hint to how Seiðr’s music can be interpreted: it’s ruptures in Nature’s hellish landscape. No one will be saved.

Ray Garraty   

 Spider Bags — A Celebration of Hunger (Sophomore Lounge)

SPIDER BAGS "A Celebration of Hunger" by Spider Bags

Spider Bags are still around, making a record every three or four years for Merge. But listening to this debut, it’s hard to imagine how they did it. If subject matter reflects life style, then the motto of these guys back in 2008 was, “We do the hard stuff so there won’t be any left for you. Say, can you loan me a couple of twenties?” But there’s a self-observing intelligence at work in these songs that suggests that self-awareness wasn’t totally obliterated, and a loose, rumbling energy to these roots-tinged garage-rock songs that confirms that the Bags spent at least part of everyday upright. Add to that engineer Brian Paulson’s knack for getting sound under challenging circumstances, which renders the live-sounding performances with sufficient but not distracting clarity, and you have a good soundtrack for the next time you want to drink yourself off the barstool in the privacy of your own home.

Bill Meyer

 Luke Spook — Small Town (Third Eye Stimuli)

Australian multi-instrumentalist Luke Spook steps away from the garage-punk of his Pinheads to conjure up lysergic specters from bygone times on Small Town. There are a fair number of freaked out boil-overs in the offing but the general tone is one of reserved simplicity. Whether sipping tea with the subject of “The Owl” or gathering around the fire with some fellow townsfolk on the title track, Luke channels Syd Barrett to the point of becoming nearly indistinguishable. But what makes Small Town more than just a covers album is Luke’s ability to vary the intimacy of his arrangements when needed. “All the King’s Horses” features a harmonica solo backed up with an (accidental?) chorus of distant, wailing hounds. Those types of moments lurk beneath the surface and inject a pastoral quality that feels authentic. More quirky utopian village than small town, the world Spook creates is a place to live rather than to pass through.

Jason Gioncontere  

 Nick Storring — Qualms (Never Anything)

Qualms by Nick Storring

Nick Storring’s latest recording started life as the score for a dance performance, and it is easy to imagine how it might function in that role. The composition, which spans both sides of a cassette, is episodic. Each moment feels unique unto itself, creating an environment in which things — maybe movements, or maybe something in your own imagination — have the space to happen. If you caught him onstage with the group Picastro, you would probably see Storring play cello, but for Qualms he plays a couple dozen keyboard, stringed, percussive and woodwind instruments. This allows similar themes and actions to appear and reappear in different garb. One stalking theme, for example, manifests once as a psychedelically dense string melody, and again played by gamelan percussion. Elsewhere passages of meter-less sound temporarily halt the progress. Moments of Steve Reich-like repetition surface, but instead of locking in like they might in a Reich piece, they quickly morph into something else. The same pattern of change that probably made this a handy program for a dance performance makes it an engaging pure listening experience.

Bill Meyer

 Sun City Girls — Dawn of the Devi (Abduction)

Dawn of the Devi by Sun City Girls

Dawn of the Devi holds an important place in the Sun City Girls’ discography. Released in 1991, it was the follow up to the much-celebrated Torch of the Mystics, which remains one of the more tuneful and easily-relatable records that Charles Gocher and brothers Alan and Richard Bishop ever did. As such, it had a job to do, and it did it well. That was to throw the followers who sandals instead of sturdy shows off the track. They did this by serving up a song-free album of jagged, totally improvised jams. While it did the job at the time, and in doing so established a pattern of giving the people something other than what they want, in retrospect, you can appreciate it for another reason. Dawn of the Devi makes a pretty strong case for the trio as a rock-derived improvisational ensemble. They sound like they’re listening and responding to each other, and their transitions from acidic splatter to swooning hesitation or heavy ambush make intuitive sense. It wasn’t always that way.

Bill Meyer

 These New Puritans — Inside the Rose (BMG)

Essex experimentalists These New Puritans return with a lush yet disquieting take on English pastoralism. On Inside the Rose multi-instrumentalist twin brothers Jack and George Barnett create an often lovely, occasionally portentous, romantic paean to nature and love. As the Barnetts move further beyond the fractured post-punk of their debut Beat Pyramid, this, their fourth album, elaborates the use of contemporary classical and choral orchestration into arrangements that channel Talk Talk. Jack Barnett’s voice is high in the mix and evokes David Sylvian at his most emotive. Beneath the sheen and swooning strings George’s drumming shifts and slides between Reichian repetition and fierce Taiko inspired rhythms. Inside the Rose is a meticulously produced but never fussy collection, welcoming the listener but refusing either to compromise or patronize. A serious but accessible work full of carefully considered details, some gorgeous melodies and an almost Pre-Raphaelite sensibility expressed in a thoroughly contemporary manner.

Andrew Forell

 Various Artists — No Other Love (Tompkins Square)

No Other Love : Midwest Gospel (1965-1978) by Various Artists

No Other Love is, like the several albums that Mike McGonigal has compiled for different labels, a sequence of gospel records drawn from one collection. In this case it is the collection of Ramona Stout. She culled the 45s that make up this set from her husband Kevin’s trawls of records that had spent years in Chicagoan basements. A graduate student who had spent much of her life outside the USA, she saw with clear eyes the grime of American urban poverty, and found herself deeply compelled by the discovery that hopeful music could grow in such decay. There are no big stars amongst these recordings. Even at the time they were recorded they would have sounded rough and behind the times production-wise — just electric guitars, drum kits, whatever piano or organ was sitting in the church where they were recorded, and congregants’ voices. But the fervor of yearning and the joy of release makes every track a transporting listen.

Bill Meyer

 WOW — Come La Notte (Maple Death Records)

Come La Notte by wow

Underground Roman duo China Now (vocals, drums) and Leo Non (guitars) recent album as WOW, Come La Notte (Like the Night), is seven tracks of 1960s influenced Italian noir cabaret high on atmosphere and drama. Now’s almost operatic vocals are at the forefront over skeletal brushed drums, minimal bass and restrained guitar. The band lulls then surprises with a spectral sax and bursts of crashing cymbals and feedback on “Niente Di Speciale” (“Nothing Special”), a keening gypsy violin on “Vieni Un Po’ Qui” (“Come Over Here”), middle eastern organ on “Occhi Di Serpente” (“Snake Eyes”). Fatalism drips from every note bringing to mind a low ceilinged club in the catacombs where refugees from the sun fill the air with smoke and their guts with grappa and cheap vino rosso as Pasolini scouts for rough trade and fingers grip switchblades concealed in socks. Come La Notte is a slow grower that draws you in even while it picks your pocket. Put it on and live a little vicarious danger in your own private La Dolce Vita.  

Andrew Forell  

[nagisasstunningpersonality]

Day two - red/blue

Please read day one first! Otherwise this will seem a little odd lol

Nagisa actually showed up at his apartment, he was seven minutes early on the dot. Which was fine, because Karma was already ready. His fake costume wasn’t the most complicated thing in the world, but it didn’t need to be. He was passable, cape and everything. All they needed to do then was actually sneak in, come across some criminals, and wait it out.

“I still think it’s a bad idea,” he said, orange outfit clashing with the tone of his hair.

“It’s just a normal hotel,” Karma said, gathering the rest of his things. “Just act like we’re on holiday. There’s a bar on the upper floor, that’s where it’s going to go down.”

He didn’t actually complain after that, as the two of them took off. A part of Karma wondered if Nagisa just really wanted the excitement in his life, deep down. As much as they tended to get dragged into crazy things as reporters, it wasn’t an every day occurrence. Like sneaking in the city’s fancy new hotel, a skyscraper that blended in with the rest of the buildings surrounding it.

When they were outside, he could still feel Nagisa’s apprehension

“What now?” Nagisa asked.

Karma eyed the reception desk. “We sneak in. If someone stops us… we’re going to a convention tomorrow.”

They were dressed the part, anyway. Thankfully, they had a good combined amount of experience when it came to dangerous stealth missions. Honestly, he enjoyed that part more than the satisfaction that came with actually getting a story. Because, he and Nagisa were a good team, always had been, and the thrill that came with it was a little addictive. They balanced each other, where Nagisa was cool calculated blue and Karma was fiery red.

Nobody actually did stop them, and they made their way to the stairwell pretty smoothly. They both knew better than to take the elevator from the ground floor, which naturally had the highest amount of people. A couple of floors up, they could brave it, soon travelling up to the bar. It was packed by guests, but probably a great place for some subtle dealings.

“Okay,” Karma said, “now we wait.”

“I thought you wanted to stop criminals.”

“Not at all,” he eyed them up. “We wait for our hero to do it, then we approach… maybe we were late or something.”

Nagisa sunk down the wall. “They’re hardly violent. How do you know it’ll even get his attention?”

“I noticed a pattern,” Karma admitted. “He’s got to be intercepting some kind of information. Some of these mysterious arrests,  he must be targeting criminals on the watch list before they actually have the chance to complete the crime.”

“And if he doesn’t want to talk to you?”

“Then at least we’ve proven he exists.”

Nagisa didn’t seem so sure. “Do you mind if I go to the bathroom?”

After such a long time working together, Karma was more than familiar with Nagisa’s weak bladder. Some of the times it struck seemed to be so inconvenient that fate itself was screwing with him. Karma wouldn’t have any other partner, though, even if they had better habits like that. It was fine, anyway, he didn’t need Nagisa beside him right at that moment.

“Sure, I’ll keep watch.”

For a few seconds, everything went completely fine. Nobody moved significantly, and Karma was able to keep a close eye on the people he’d identified as criminals. All he needed now was for the hero to show up. Before anything like that happened, though, he was distracted by a pretty large bang. And Karma couldn’t help his human reflexes to flinch and turn towards it, taking his eyes away from what he was supposed to be watching, before he even realised

The criminals had been completely apprehended. Karma wasn’t sure what he was seeing at first, it was so fast, but they were definitely tied up, looking just as confused as him. The next thing he knew, security were rushing in, capturing the men to presumably take them into custody. There was only one way- the hero was here. And, by the looks of things, he somehow knew Karma was watching him. But how?

“What happened?” Nagisa said when he returned, sounding weirdly unbothered.

Karma didn’t even know what to say. Yes, he’d known his plan was bound to be a bit of a long shot, and yes, he hadn’t actually been trying to catch the criminals himself. But, that bang… He felt like he was being toyed with and he really didn’t like that. They’d come this far, anyway. Karma wasn’t about to just give up after that minor blip.

“Come on,” Karma said, “we’re going to the roof.”

“Why?”

But he’d already started to move. “Maybe that’s how he exited.”

Of course, there was nobody on the roof. Nothing but the hum of the city from down below. But that wasn’t necessarily what Karma wanted, anyway. He stripped off the cape, leaving him dressed a little more normal, before stepping further out onto the roof. This was the closest Karma had come, and he felt it internally- there was no way he was turning back. So, he kept going, walking right over to the edge of the building before he turned.

“What are you doing?!” Nagisa yelled, almost like he was going to follow after him.

Karma stepped backwards again, until there was no more roof left. “We know he’s in the building somewhere. Well then, heroes are meant to save people, right?”

“Y-you-“

“Just get a good picture,” he said, before letting himself fall.

Nagisa screamed his name, but he didn’t hear it so well. Falling… It was a feeling like no else. His heart dropped right through his gut with the rush of the weightlessness. Somehow he found himself laughing as a blur of lights and buildings passed him by. It was even a little peaceful, in a sick way. He didn’t even know how long he was falling for, everything just slowed down.

Until the motion stopped. For a moment, Karma wondered if he’d hit the concrete, and he was too dead to even feel the pain from it. But no, he blinked, coming back to his senses. He was being carried, warm arms supporting him in what he recognised was the bridal style. As much as he tried to scramble away automatically, that grip was firm, and then he looked up.

Never, in Karma’s twenty something years of life, had he felt more like a teenage girl than in that moment. But the man, the hero, looking down at him was so attractive it took Karma’s breath away. Or maybe it was the fall that had done that. The fall… Karma looked down, only to realise they were flying, hovering a considerable amount of feet off the ground.

The hero didn’t put him down there, though, and instead took off, and then they were flying properly. Karma didn’t even know what to think of it, heart beating so fast with the adrenaline that he was sure it was going to fall straight out of his chest. At the very least he could pride himself on not screaming, as they shot through the city he’d called home for the last few years of his life at lightning pace.

Finally, he seemed to find a place that was out of the way enough to put him down, on top of what seemed to be a regular block of apartments. Of course Karma had so much to say, things he couldn’t possibly try and voice when they were flying. But where to even start? He’d planned and planned for this moment, but not being carried through the air. The hero set him down, though, and Karma’s legs shook so bad he could barely hold himself upright.

“Be more careful next time,” he said, like he was about to just zoom off again.

“Wait!” Karma shouted. “I’ll throw myself off again!”

The hero turned, and Karma could see him a little more clearly. Half his face was covered by a mask that extended down into a bodysuit. It was hard to tell exactly what it was supposed to be, though Karma could see it was made up of scales. The green colour complimented the blue of his wide eyes and tied back hair, which was practically shining under the light of the moon.

“There might not always be someone there to save you,” he said deeply, as though he was straining his voice.

Karma found it in him to smile. “I guess it was my lucky day. I’m Akabane Karma, reporter for Kunugigaoka Daily.”  

He turned again. “I’m not interested in any interviews.”

“You saved me-“ Karma said, stepping towards him like a man possessed. “Half the city’s police forces probably saw you do it, based on the guards running into that bar. It’ll come out now, whether you like it or not. Around the city, I can bet a dozen reporters are writing horrifically inaccurate stories as we speak. Trust me when I say I’m one of the good ones.”

Hesitating, he turned over his shoulder. “I just want to help people when they need it the most.”

Karma forced himself to be completely alert, knowing he’d have to remember every part of this conversation. “All the rumours and conspiracies recently, would you take responsibility for them?”

“…Yes.”

He swallowed. “What are your actual powers?”

The hero blinked, as though he hadn’t been expecting such a trivial question. “Maybe I shouldn’t give everything away.”

“In case of super villains?” Karma smirked. “Flying… Superior speed and strength?”

“I can also hear it,” he admitted, “when someone needs saving.”

Karma thought of something. “How come you’ve been so shy about it, when you’ve already helped so many people?”

“I’m not doing it for fame,” he turned away again. “I have these abilities… And I want to use them for good. That’s all I want.”

“You should show yourself to them,” Karma looked out over the city. “People are kind of hopeless these days, they could use a hero.”

A soft smile came over his face. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

It almost hurt him to say something so selfless, but he somehow felt he had to. “I don’t have to write this story, if it matters so much to you.”

“But then you threw yourself from a building for nothing,” there was that smile again. “I mean it though, don’t do it again.”

“One more thing,” Karma realised. “Do you have a name?”

His shoulders stiffened for a moment. “You can call me… Python?”  

Karma supposed that made sense, given the details of his costume. He really didn’t seem really sure about it though, not in the slightest. But then again, if he was trying to stay out of the spotlight, he wouldn’t have necessarily thought about that kind of thing. He couldn’t help but think that it suited him, though. Interesting.

“Wait, wait,” he realised. “…Is there any way you can take me back to the building I… jumped off. My partner’s probably waiting for me. In fact, he’s definitely freaking out right now. You might have seen him- about as tall as a middle schooler, too cute for his own good?”

Somehow he looked scandalised. “Cute?”

Karma sighed. “You’re a super hero. Listening to people’s love life problems isn’t part of the job description.”

A flush came over the exposed side of his cheek. “I-if you like someone, you should probably ask them out.”

Yeah, like that was going to happen. “Alright.”

“L-let’s get you back now.”

[determinationisnotcrash]

Gasterblastober Prompt 3: A Moment of Fear

This takes place in my variant of the Blaster AU (in other words, on the Surface one year and a bit after Undertale), shortly after the situation with Wingdings Gaster was resolved.

When dressing up for Halloween with Asriel, Papyrus (in the ‘horned skeleton’ partial Blaster form he’s stuck in) causes the goat to flash back to one of his worse Resets.

In it, a feral GB!Papyrus gives Flowey a cruel and unusual, but entirely deserved death. As such, content warnings apply for extreme violence. And JoJo references.

For Gasterblastober, which is by @gbpack-discord

Papyrus’ House

The horned skeleton let his classmate in, bony tail wagging with excitement in preparation for all the delicious treats they would get. No matter how old they were, they were never too old to go trick-or-treating! Asriel in particular had to make up for six years’ worth of missed treats!

“What are you dressed as, Asriel?”

The self-proclaimed God of Hyperdeath puffed his chest out proudly as he spun around, revealing the Sword of Luck and Pluck attached to the sleeveless blue tank top with shoulder pads to make his slender frame appear bigger. “Jonathan Joestar, of course! I had no idea how to dress, considering, y’know, I’m already a monster. Alphys gave me the suggestion!”

His friend was enthusiastic, but… a bead of sweat slid down Papyrus’ skull. “It’s Halloween, not a cartoon cosplay convention. Why don’t you go in your robes as the God of Hyperdeath?”

Asriel face went so red, if the lights were switched off, Papyrus swore it would illuminate the room. “R-reasons. Anyway, what’re you going as?”

“Glad you asked~ The Great Papyrus is in casual clothes before you now, but soon, you shall be amazed, as he transforms into a bone dragon knight! It’s as radical as it is cost-effective! With my Blaster-like mutations, and everything. All I really needed to design were the armour, helmet, and wings.”

Even after all this time, he still had no idea why he had Blaster-like features now. But horns, paw-like feet, claws, and a tail were unobtrusive enough from his daily life, so there wasn’t really any reason to go investigating. Especially with his final year of high school around the corner.

He ran into his room, disappearing from Asriel’s sight, then returned wearing armour. “The armour is customised Royal Guard armour-” The skeleton turned around, revealing the very mobile wings, “the wings are courtesy of Alphys’ assistance, and most importantly of all…!” Papyrus plonked the helmet he was holding on his head.

At the completed look, Asriel went as still as a statue. A Gasterblaster-like helmet…!? The design brought to mind the lower points of his Resets. Given how awful his Resets past the first few were, that was really saying something. Out of the entire Underground, the most terrifying one of all wasn’t Sans, but…

***

Flowey dodged a rain of sharpened bone attacks, but the moment he thought he avoided it, his enemy made them change course, homing in and piercing through him. “Blugh…!” Blood spewed from his mouth and vines.

This was marginally better than the last hundred times – then, he had been torn apart by claws and fangs outright! This was frustrating! This ‘boss’ wasn’t something he could defeat once ‘triggered’!

He could easily take Papyrus in his ‘base form’ and kill him as easily as an infant, but once he started mutating, it was the end! But there wouldn’t be any achievement unless he killed him as that bone demon creature!

Papyrus’ face had pushed out into a vicious muzzle, filled with razor-sharp teeth. His gloves and boots had been shredded by cruel claws, whereas the remnants of his battle body hung off him. The hellbeast he had become looked like a cross between a skeletal werewolf and a dragon – still vaguely humanoid, but the resemblance to the person he once was ended there.

Flowey had a secret weapon, too: DT he stole from Alphys’ lab. He couldn’t steal the souls from Asgore, but with this…!

A surge of power and pleasure coursed through his body as he grew to enormous size, dwarfing the freshly mutated bone dragon. Green (but otherwise human) hands appeared, forming finger guns. From the ends of the digits, missiles launched out!

Papyrus leaped out of the way and dashed across the walls of New Home on all fours, trying to evade the missiles. But Flowey knew his exact movements – this ‘script’ he had experienced before!

The beast jumped to the Judgement Hall, unintentionally scattering the dust of his older brother. The moment his paws made contact with the floor, the foundation shattered! Barbed vines wrapped around him, constricting him like a vice. A gasp escaped its jaws, as they tightened further.

Flowey brought his face up to where the skeleton was suspended, leaning towards him, his face mere millimetres away from Papyrus’. “I’m the one who’s the Player here. You’re just a stupid NPC.”

Papyrus opened his maw, as if to answer, but then bit down on the flower. Hard. Flowey mentally cursed. Of all the stupid things he forgot to account for! The flower screamed and dropped him to the ground, before falling to the floor himself. Papyrus pinned the flower’s face down with a claw, causing a further screech of pain.

The DT leaked out of him, Papyrus lapping it all up with a blue magic tongue. Drool seeped out of his maw as he hungrily continued to consume the substance, tearing up Flowey’s vines with his free claws to obtain more.

The dragon’s body shuddered and grew as he took in more and more of the substance, the remnants of his battle body all but exploding off as he became more and more draconic.

With his elongating neck, he continued to methodically rip open every last part of Flowey and extract the substance within, dagger-like teeth and claws easily piercing his ‘skin’ as painfully as possible. The turquoise substance his tongue left on the flower burned like acid.

Then, once Papyrus had drawn all he could from the flower… stuffed the soulless creature into his jaws. Slowly, but surely, the jaws started to compress – letting the flower know exactly how he was going to die, and just how excruciating it would be.

Out of every possible timeline he had encountered, and ever would… Flowey had never been more scared in his life. Then and there, the flower learned the true meaning of fear.

***

“ASRIEL!”

The splash of ice-cold water snapped the former prince back to reality.

Papyrus, his helmet removed, laughed in relief. “Thank God…! You were staring into space for ages! I thought I would have to use a 23rd bucket!”

“Haha… sorry, you really were terrifying.” Asriel’s chuckle was nervous, but deep down, he was pleased.

Such a situation no longer had the potential to occur. Resets and anything associated with them were no longer possible. Thanks to their achievements, this world was free from the curse of Determination. No one would treat real people’s lives like a worthless game. Papyrus would stay as Papyrus.

The horned skeleton in question bowed his head in apology. “I’m sorry for frightening you – this costume is clearly too much. I should donate it to a horror house later. But…” He stroked his bifurcated jaw. “What can I go as last-minute…?”

A mischievous smile crossed Asriel’s face. “I have an idea…”

***

“So cool, mister…!”

“Do it again, do it again!”

“As you wish, here we goooo…!” Another twirl of Papyrus’ head, and the top hat went spinning through the air again, drawing a cheer out of the crowd of children who gathered around him. It drew an arc, before landing right where it was earlier. It didn’t have a razor like in the source material, but it was just as fancy and entertaining to use.

ゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴ

Suddenly, purple projected menacing symbols started hovering around the area – those weren’t illusions created by the atmosphere, they were actually 3D hologram projections! Papyrus and Asriel, turned around, and at the sight, they grinned. Looked like some people had the same idea for costumes…!

Mettaton, RG01, and RG02 were dressed in the fabulous Pillar Men outfits, each of them practically glowing with over-the-top fabulousness. No, wait, they were just literally glowing and sparkling. That was MTT™ bishounen sparkle spray for you!

At any rate, he decided to play along – Papyrus issued a very convincing “KYAAAAAAAAAA! They’ve awakeneeeeed!”

Asriel added onto that, “Even the Great Papyrus is afraid!”

[boshaw-manor]

Atlanta

More John and Harlow drabble because I love them. Sorry about it.

Seed ranch was boring as hell. There was nothing to do and John was always busy with the Project. Harlow would hazard to stay she hated it sometimes when she snuck off to visit him for a few days but she couldn’t resist. There was something about John Seed that had a real hold over her.

After spending a good ten minutes sliding across the polished dining room floor in her navy woollen socks, Harlow wandered out into the living room. Yawning, she rubbed her tired eyes as the morning sun glittered through the window. Bored. Oh so very bored. She should’ve brought her old Gameboy to play Pokemon or something. Sliding to the floor behind the couch, she rolled her ankles around before letting out a long sigh. The sound of gunshots in the distance outside would’ve made any normal person bolt but to her it was just background noise now. The same as the birds in the trees, the whir of a plane’s engine or the bark of a dog. Smirking to herself, Harlow pressed her fingers together to form a gun.

‘They’ve got me surrounded captain. I might not make it out alive, but it’s a sacrifice I gotta make.’ Whispering into a pretend com, she leapt to her feet and shot the fake gun at imaginary enemies. ‘Pew, pew, pew!’ Harlow combat rolled across the floor and took cover behind the taxidermy wolf by the stairs. ‘You’ll never take me alive!’ She howled, vaulting over it and pretending to spray bullets

‘What are you doing?’ John’s cutting tone made her jump and she spun around, pressing her mirrored index fingers to the skin of his slightly exposed chest.

‘I’ve found him sir, the ring leader! I’ve got a point-blank shot!’ The Deputy grinned at the Baptist in hopes he’d play along but knew it wasn’t meant to be the moment he rolled his eyes.

‘If you’re bored come and help me clean out the office.’ John’s hands wrapped around her ‘gun’ and lowered it, tilting his head to the shut door across the room. ‘You’d be actually making yourself useful for once.’

‘Fine. Mission aborted.’ She grumbled, unclasping her hands and taking the liberty of skidding across the floor once more before opening the office door. Piles of paperwork littered the desk and boxes upon boxes of crap towered up to the ceiling. ‘You’re messy.’ Harlow stated, reaching for the first box on top of the highest pile.

‘I am not. I’ve just been neglecting my duties somewhat to spend time with you.’ He ran a hand through his distressed hair, pulling loose unkempt locks back from his forehead, before busying himself with a filing cabinet in the corner.

‘You coulda fooled me.’ She muttered, placing the cardboard box on the ground and rifling through it. It was all old contracts and legal stuff signed off with John’s dramatic signature. Shoving that hunk of junk out of the door, she motioned to take another one down. Teetering on the tips of her toes, Harlow’s fingers grazed the top of the box as she tried to reach it. ‘Almost... there...’

‘Wait-‘ John tried to stop her but it was too late. The tower began to waver, shifting its weight and toppling down on top of her. Books and papers buried her body as she struggled to free herself from the fragile binding now pinning her to the ground. Emerging, her head popped out first and a hand soon followed to rub at her temple.

‘You have a lot of shit.’ Harlow groaned, releasing her other arm to pick up a leather bound black book and wave it in the air. John frowned at the mess she’d made, slamming the cabinet draw shut and stalking over. Taking the black book into both her hands, Harlow smoothed a palm over the cover. A big white sticker had started to peel at the corners in the centre, reading ATLANTA in block capitals. Flipping it open, her curiosity was piqued at the sight of dozens of photographs.

‘Huh. Haven’t seen that in a while.’ John’s frown dissipated into an intrigued smirk, looping his arms under Harlow’s armpits and pulling her from the wreckage. Her attention remained focussed on the pages as he dragged her to his office chair and sat, practically yanking her onto his knee.

‘Looks like quite the life.’ Harlow remarked as he rested his bearded chin on her shoulder. One page was decked out with fancy cars littering a driveway, another saw a slightly younger John and a group of men in a casino winning big money. Flipping the page, a panoramic shot of a penthouse filled with people partying reminded her of a more expensive looking Where’s Wally? scene. The drinks were flowing, the people looked happy and right in the centre of it all was John. Turning the page again it landed on the Baptist, or in that time the lawyer, with his arm looped around the back of a young woman. Harlow’s eyes traced over the long red gown and sizeable jewellery clinging to her tiny frame. The next page was almost identical but with a different woman in a different outfit. And the next page. And the next page. And the next page.

‘Wow...’ She mumbled under her breath. They were all so opulent and luxurious and she was... not. She could never be that. Damn she’d tried it as a teenager but high school prom had been such a disaster that she’d decided maybe sticking to shorts and a novelty t-shirt was a safer bet. It was better than crying in the toilets alone. And rather than being sweet and smiling, she’d learnt to scowl and throw bitter insults at any guy who approached her in the university common room. It became easier for her not to be taken the piss out of that way. Insecurity washed over her as she leant back into John’s chest.

‘You okay?’ He asked, dragging a hand down her arm. She’d tensed up and was still staring at the same picture.

‘In the real world you’d never of chosen me.’ Harlow finalised quietly, snapping the album shut and tossing it on the floor with a thud.

‘Is that envy I see?’ He chuckled, squeezing her sides teasingly. But she wasn’t laughing.

‘No. Just honesty.’ Sighing heavily, the usually stone-cold Deputy scratched at her neck and tightened her lips to stop tears from forming in her green eyes. ‘I could never look like that.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous, you’d look stunni-‘

‘No I wouldn’t.’ She interrupted knowingly. Trying to picture herself on John’s arm in a skin tight dress or sitting in the passenger seat of one of his sports cars made her want to barf. She’d look frumpy and out of place and just plain wrong.

‘Sweetheart, I don’t even remember half of those women’s names.’ John crept his hands soothingly up her back and rested them at the base of her neck. ‘Everything in there is fake. Fake asses, fake tits, fake smiles. All of it.’ Harlow wasn’t sure if that made her feel better or worse.

‘But if you passed me on the street, that’d be it. Just passing. You wouldn’t pay me an ounce of attention. I feel like...’ Incisors nipping into her lip, Harlow cursed herself out for getting emotional. ‘I feel like maybe I’m just convenient for you.’ Slipping off of his knee, she padded out of the office and shoved her hands in her pockets. Of course he’d pick the women with the perfect hair and the trim waistlines and the big beautiful smiles over her. She knew that. She was short, swore like a trooper and was still on a personal mission to complete her damn Pokedex. Trudging up the stairs, going back to her room seemed like the best option. Maybe she could cry for an hour and then resume her internal struggle as to which Star Wars film was the best.

‘She’s found me! Agent Fox has found me!’ Harlow’s footfalls paused, as she looked over her shoulder at John. He was half-heartedly holding his hands up like he had an invisible gun in them. Blue irises staring right at her, he nodded a little to try and coax her back down the steps. ‘But wait, she could be waving the white flag? This could be our chance to blow up the world!’ He mimed an explosion, even making booming sounds under his breath. John felt like a moron in this moment. But he knew he had to give her an inch. He had to try at least a little bit. Granted, she wasn’t his conventional type. She was mouthy, unfeminine and, to be honest, a massive nerd. But she was also calculating, perceptive and far smarter than most people would give her credit for. She was a challenge, willing to butt-heads with the Baptist just to get a reaction. He liked that. The way she wound him up pissed him off but turned him on at the same time. Being with her was the most fun he’d had with a girl for a very long time and he didn’t want to lose that. If the Project ended tomorrow, he knew he’d rather stay in Hope County with her rather than return to his flashy lifestyle. Because unlike everything and everyone else before her, Harlow was real.

He watched as her lip quirked in confusion before she warily turned around and lifted her hands back up to form a pistol shape.

‘Mission resumed captain. I’ve got eyes on the target.’

[j0ebay]

Kiss Me Goodbye... Chapter 6

Warning(s): swearing,  this is probably trash tbh

Word Count: 3094

A/N: At long long last this chapter is hecking done!!! I’m really super duper sorry this took 5ever to come out. BUT I’m really stoked this chapter is finally out so enjoy and feedback is deeply appreciated!! 💙

series masterlist

add yourself to my taglist!!

chapter 5     chapter 7

an extra thank you to @starksmile for the amazing moodboard!!

“Now he’s gone. I don’t know why and to this day sometimes I cry. He didn’t even say goodbye. He didn’t take the time to lie.” -Nancy Sinatra

“EEEEEEEEEEEP” The boys all hear Lindsey squeal as they run to the kitchen.

“What? What’s going on?” Tom asks, clearly frazzled.

All she can do is smile and hold onto her phone. Harry quickly snatches the phone from her hands. His eyes went wide.

“He finally grew a pair?” Lindsey smiles even wider and nods.

Harry claps her on the shoulder as Harrison scoffs.

“He did it over text?” And Lindsey nods.

Tom’s eyebrows furrow as he tries to figure out what exactly is going on.

“Chad asked her out, dumbass” Harry chuckles. Tom’s face lights up.

“Ohhhhhhhhhh. Took him long enough,” Haz snaps his eyebrows together and looks at his friend.

“All I’m gonna say, love, is don’t expect everything to be nice and happy and dilly dilly, that type of thing. Shit goes down sometimes, Y’know?” Tom advises her.

She nods.

“Who knows?” Harry adds, “There might be someone better just right in front of you” raising his eyebrows, playfully.

Lindsey giggles.

“Yeah yeah, grass is always greener, I know. I’m gonna go do makeup inventory!” She squeals again.

Throughout the day, Lindsey was buzzing with excitement, searching up various makeup tutorials on youtube and planning everything out appearance-wise. She and Harry did their nails while Tom was there to help her decide what hair to do.

“Haaaaaaaaaz” She groans at her close friend, sitting on her temporary bed.

“What, darling?” He asks with a shit-eating grin on his face.

“I’m not gonna just show up naked, you div! I’m being serious! What should I wear?” She asks him holding up two dresses.

Harrison clenches his jaw, muttering “You look absolutely perfect in everything, love”.

Lindsey looks at the floor and smiles, softly.

He sighs. He adores Lindsey, he always had. He just wasn’t happy about the choices she was making at the moment.

“Hello? Earth to Harrison?” Lindsey asks snapping her fingers, pulling Haz out of his trance.

He looks up at her with his bright blue eyes and smiles. “Hmm?” He hums at her quietly.

Lindsey lets out a heavy sigh and sits next to him, laying her potential outfits on the bed, behind him.

“What’s going on with you?” She asks softly, grabbing his hand and lightly running her thumb across it.

He groans. “I hate how good you are at reading people” She laughs, squeezing his hand.

“Yes, I am. Now spill. What’s going on in that head of yours?” Harrison chuckles at his friends interrogation methods. “Do you really need to go out with this guy?” He whispers.

Lindsey’s eyebrows snap together in confusion.

“What do you mean, Haz?” He drops her hand to scratch the back of his neck.

“It’s just-nevermind” He mutters, looking down.

“Harrison look at me,” Lindsey puts her hand on his cheek, tilting his head to meet her gaze.

“You know you can talk to me right?” He diverts his eyes to his lap.

Lindsey squishes his cheeks and nods his head up and down.

“Yes, Lindsey. I understand” She says in a voice imitating his.

Harrison smiles.

“Is that what you think I sound like, love?” He asks with a quirked eyebrow, making her laugh.

As the laughter from the two die down, she lets out a heavy sigh.

“But seriously, I’m not forcing you to talk now cause I gotta get ready, but eventually, talk to me, yeah?”

“Yeah” he mumbles.

Lindsey taps his cheek with her fingers before sitting up and walking off to the bathroom, and all Harrison can do is watch

As the sun sets, Harrison finds himself more and more agitated at the lack of his friend. Clad in a

loose pair of black shorts and a gray tank top, he takes out his anger on the punching bag in front of him. All he can see if her laughing, her smiling, her flirting with someone she barely knows.

Left hook, undercut, blow after blow to the bag of sand in front of him.

He doesn’t know who or what to picture the bag as, but right now, he just needed to get his emotions out. He didn’t even know what to call those emotions.

Jealousy? Love? Lust? You can’t be in love with your best friend, though.

‘That’s rule number one’ Harrison tells himself.

‘You cannot, under any circumstances, fall in love with your best friend’

His swings at the bag grow harder and more sloppy as the thought of the two of them being friends. One final hit to the black cylinder in front of him and he turns around, putting his head in his hands.

The bass of the music resonates in the center of his chest as he gets a sip of water and wipes the sweat from his forehead.

“Hollands are just getting in your head” He mumbles to himself, trying to assure himself to an extent.

“The just keep implying the two of you should date and it’s messing you up” He sighs, shaking his hands.

“You’re Harrison motherfucking Osterfield. You can figure this shit out”

“Well you are looking lovely as ever” Is the phrase that snaps Lindsey out of her thoughts as she sits in the middle of a dimly lit restaurant.

Not super fancy but not terribly cheap either.

“Chad! Hi!” She exclaims, standing up to wrap him in a hug.

Pulling away, Chad furrows his eyebrows. “You haven’t been waiting long, have you?”

Lindsey’s eyes widen.

“Oh my gosh! No, not at all! I just got here, actually”

He smiles.

“Good, good! You wanna sit?”

He gestures to her chair and she reciprocates his smile. The waitress comes over with a small grin.

“What can I get started for you two?”

Lindsey looks at Chad, signaling for him to start.

“Yeah um I’ll take a Jack and Coke and whatever the lady wants”

The waitress turns to Lindsey.

“Just a water with lemon would be great, thanks” She smiles.

The waitress nods and walks away.

“Whiskey?” Lindsey quirks an eyebrow “Fancy”

The two laugh and he brushes his brunette hair out of his face. The waitress comes back with the drinks.

“Have you decided on your main course yet?” Lindsey looks at Chad and they both nod.

“I’ll have the breaded chicken and asparagus for the side please” she starts.

The two ladies look over at Chad, texting away on his phone.

“...And for you, sir?” The waitress prompts him.

Chad looks up with a puzzled look on his face, before studying the expressions around him.

“Oh! I’ll have a hamburger, everything on it and another round of whiskey” He says, flashing a charming smile and handing the waitress the menu.

Lindsey does the same and subtly winces at the man’s pronunciation of ‘whiskey’ knowing the Hollands would grill him for saying it like ‘hwhiskey’.

“So you’re one of those people huh?” Lindsey asks as soon as the waitress leaves.

Chad raises his eyebrows, signaling for her to go on.

“You’re one of those people constantly on your phone?” She continues, rolling her eyes for emphasis.

“What?” Chad asks, clearly shocked.

“No! I mean, yeah I’m on my phone sometimes but not constantly” He defends.

Lindsey nods with her eyebrows raised.

“So how are you?” He asks, setting his phone face up on the table.

Lindsey smiles, takes a sip of her water and nods.

“I’ve been alright. How about you?”

Chad picks up his phone again before putting it back down.

“Sorry this is embarrassing. It’s just my friends want updates every half hour. Y’know when I tell them I have a date with a pretty girl from the coffee shop, their mind instantly goes to ‘she’s a psycho, she’s gonna kidnap you’ when, I don’t think you will. Will you?”

Lindsey smiles and shakes her head.

“I definitely will not kidnap you”

Chad flashes the smile that makes every woman in the room weak in the knees.

“And I, you”

Harrison leans back in his office chair and opens up his laptop in search for another job from Tom. After seeing nothing from his colleague, Harrison is about to close his laptop until he sees an encrypted file.

H+L <3

His mind flashed back to when he made that file to keep all the silly pictures the two of them when they were young, dumb teenagers. He smiles, making sure the door is closed, typing in the password and then scrolling through the pictures of the two of them. He lands on one set looks at the time stamp in the lower right hand corner.

25/7/2013

They were seventeen at the time. The two were at the local pool with the Hollands. Harrison was shirtless and she was in that black bikini he loved to see on her. There was one picture of the two of them just smiling at the camera. Another one showed the two of them still smiling, only he’s looking at her with what Harry eventually called “heart eyes”. The final picture was her kissing him on the cheek. Harrison replicates the big smile depicted in the picture.

He clicks back even more to find a video of him. He clicks on it and instantly smiles at her laughter.

“Alright go, doofus” The young girl giggles behind the camera at her friend.

“Hi” He starts, gesturing with the knife in his hands.

“I’m Harrison Osterfield. And I’m gonna teach you how to cut hot bread”

Lindsey smiles and mutters a soft “You’re gonna poke someone’s eye out with that thing”

Harrison continues.

“As you can see, this is very hot”

He puts his finger on the bread in front of him.

“Ow”

Lindsey tried to muffle her laughter. Harrison playfully glares at her and continues.

“So instead of going with the conventional holding and… that, you’re gonna go… slight, keep tapping, holding”

He taps the bread frequently and then suddenly slams the knife down.

“JESUS CHRIST! HARRISON!” Lindsey screams after being pushed back into reality.

The two teenagers laugh as Lindsey goes to turn off the camera.

Harrison chuckles at the two kids on his computer screen, wishing he could go back to that day. Although the video showed nothing of her face, he pictured her with her infectious laugh and dazzling smile. He slams his laptop down, sighs and rakes his hands through his golden brown curls.

“Well, thank you for tonight, Chad” Lindsey says, standing in front of the mansion’s front door.

Lindsey could’ve sworn she felt like a teenager. Chad has driven her home and even walked her to the mansion doorstep.

“Of course” He says, pushing a stand of her hair before her ear.

The two gaze into each other’s eyes as the nearly magnetic pull brings them closer and closer together. Lindsey cracks a small smile as he leans in even more until their faces were mere millimeters apart and then

“You two done?”

The couple jumps apart from each other to see the one and only Harry Holland leaning against the raised doorway with raised eyebrows. Lindsey turns to glare at the younger man.

“Harry, you know it’s not polite to watch” She playfully mutters.

“Yeah yeah get inside, young lady. Or I’ll get Harrison down here”

Her eyes widen and she chuckles a bit. She gets on her tiptoes and kisses Chad on the cheek.

“Night, Chad” She says, quietly.

She walks into the mansion and punches Harry in the arm, muttering a slight

“Dickhead”.

As Lindsey walks up the stairs to Harrison’s room, Harry and Chad enter a staredown with each other.

“You Lindsey’s brother?” Chad asks matching Harry’s raised eyebrows.

Harry looks the older man up and down before grumbling

“In a sense”

Chad gulps, fearing the confrontation in front of him.

“I-I’m uh, Chad” he stutters, holding his hand out.

All Harry does is scoff and slam the door in his face.

As Lindsey walks up the stairs of the mansion, she passes someone in the bathroom, door ajar and everything. She stops and backs up.

“Harrison?” She asks, softly.

He looks up from what he was doing, meeting her worried gaze. Lindsey looks down to see his ripped up knuckles. She invites herself into the small space with him and closes the door.

“What the hell happened to you, Haz?” She asks, voice laced with anger and worry.

Holding his bruised and bloody hands in hers, she bent down to meet his eyes.

“Harrison?”

“What?” He grumbled back.

“I’m not gonna force you to tell me anything, you know this. But your hands…” She trails off before walking to the cupboard with the first aid kit.

As Lindsey removes the red box, Harrison takes it as a sign to use the toilet as a seat so she can do her work.

“This takes me back” She lightly smiles while bringing the kit over to him.

“May I?” she asks softly, gesturing to his legs.

Harrison nods and slowly she straddles him.

“As always, if my fat ass is smushing you, let me know alright?”

“Hey” he rests his bruised hand on her cheek.

“You know my usual answer to that, don’t you?”

Lindsey sighs, nods and grabs the gauze. She carefully removes Harrison’s hand from her cheek and starts to wrap the thin layers of gauze around it.

“What does it take you back to?” Harrison asks, softly breaking the comfortable silence between the two.

“Hmm?” Lindsey asks, looking up from her work to meet his bright blue eyes.

Harrison chuckles as she grabs his other hand, subconsciously setting the wrapped one down on her thigh.

“You said doing this brought you back. What’d it bring you back to?”

Lindsey laughs and shakes her head.

“Remember Quentin Harroway?” She asks, not even looking up from his hands.

Harrison scoffs.

“Of course I fucking remember Quentin Harroway. Son of a bitch made you come over to my place in fucking tears. Douchebag got what he deserved.”

“Easy, Osterfield he only stood me up and then ghosted me”

“And anyone with a brain would’ve treated you better”

Lindsey laughs.

“Is that your justification for beating the shit outta him?”

“Yep, and I like to think I did a pretty good job at doing so” Harrison smiles back at her.

Lindsey drops his other hand and places her hand on his cheek.

“Never change, Harrison” She whispers, her thumb rubbing against his cheekbone.

Slowly, Lindsey gets off Harrison’s lap. As she starts to walk away, Harrison grabs her wrist and gently pulls her back towards him earning him a gasp.

“Harrison” she whispers, gently pulling her wrist away from him.

“I just want you to know that all this,” He gestures to his hands.

“All of it was just a punching bag. There was no one else on the other side. No one got hurt”

“Besides you” She adds with a cocked eyebrow, causing him to laugh.

“Seriously, Linds. We are being safe. I’m being safe and it’s mainly because I know you’ll chew my ass out like there’s no tomorrow if I’m not”

Lindsey giggles at the last bit and brings Harrison into a big hug.

“Thank you” is all she whispers into his broad chest as he gently rubs his fingers through her hair.

The unidentified man sits in the budget motel room in nothing but dress pants and socks. The curtains are drawn shielding him from the rest of the world. The TV is on, providing a soft ambiance for his running thoughts. Open on his bed are various files, one of a curly, chocolate haired boy with matching eyes and a small birthmark on his upper lip.

Harry R. Holland

The second file had a slightly older man, similar hair and eye color, however there’s a scar on his forehead and he has a sharper jawline. More muscular than Harry but not completely bulky either.

Thomas S. “Tom” Holland

The third of four files is a man, the same age as Tom but that’s all they have in common. This man had caramel brown curls with blonde peeking through to the surface. His eyes were as blue as the sky. If not, they were bluer. His picture is the only one of the four with a smile.

Harrison J. “Haz” Osterfield

The fourth man was much older than the other three. He was taller than the others with less hair than them as well. He was on the chubbier side with the most bone-chilling scowl any man had ever seen. One look from that man and someone could instantly tell him what they deeply desired, what their future plans are and nearly collapse in a puddle all at once.

Gideon N. Fuller - DECEASED

The man’s train of thought is brutally interrupted by the loud sound of his phone ringing. He lets out an agitated groan as he checks the time. Seeing it’s way too late, or technically, early in the morning, he picks up his phone and looks at the caller ID.

Blocked Number

Letting out a heavy sigh, the man answers the call.

“What?” He asks, voice laced with annoyance.

His legs flex attempting to stretch them on the rock-hard mattress.

“Yeah, everything’s going according to plan”

The man sighs, swinging his legs over the floral patterned bed and standing up slowly.

“Yeah we have a location on the Hollands”

He runs a hand through his stringy hair and pours himself another cup of stale, watered down coffee.

“Yeah and the Osterfield boy as well. I’m not a complete moron you know”

The man pulls back the curtain and looks out at the rest of the motel in front of him.

“Yeah it looks like they all live in the same fucking house. That’s pretty stereotypical if you ask me” He laughs and leans against the frame of the window.

“Um yeah actually there was a bit of a problem I needed to run by you” The man pauses, looking back at his files and then back out the window.

“There seems to be a girl who’s been staying with them”

Another pause happens as the man quickly paces back to the bed, flipping through the files until he finds yet another connection between the four men.

“Yes I know, I’ll take care of them all” and then the man laughs.

“What’s so funny?” He repeats the question into his phone speaker.

“You’ll just have to see for yourself when you get here” He chuckles as he circles the phrase at the bottom of the files in red sharpie

Known Associate(s): Lindsey M. Fuller

TAGLIST

strikethrough means it’s not letting me tag you (shoot me a message!!)

Everything

@og-baby-ob14 @were-all-gay-down-here @girlreaderr

@saturn-aka-six @theasexualbunny @random-stuff-18 @marvelismylifffe @Spiderdudeparker @summertime-acoustic

Haz

@brighterhollands @upsidedownparker @the-queen-procrastinator @desir-ae

@mischiefmanaged49

Kiss Me Goodbye

@tomshufflepuff

Groupchat

@grace-wheeze @lamptracker @girl-in-the-chair @casualprincess77  @musiclover1263 @sendspidermanpics

[lethesomething]

Tips for traveling far and alone

Because it's been a while since i did one of these lifehack things.

I spend a lot of time traveling for work, which means  I've gathered a few XP points and I have a System and shit. So have some tips. They're pretty geared towards how I like to travel, but a few of these could prob work for many people.

  Surviving a flight

When people say they love to travel, they mean that they like being places. Very few people like the actual 'getting there' part. It's stressful, there's waiting lines, you're forced to sit still for long periods of time and usually you have to get up at stupid hours. Being treated like cattle just isn't very fun, and it's not good for your health, either. So:

Rest. Airplanes are just… brimming with germs. The reason that this affects you more than, say, the multitude of germs on the subway you take every day, is because farther trips, especially of the 'party' or 'work' variety are utterly exhausting, and that affects your immune system. So while it is tempting to stuff as much as possible in that trip, know that you're 100% gonna get sick two days later. Try not to push yourself too much, and know that you're already being pushed in ways you're probably not used to.

For the same reason: take care of yourself. Stay hydrated. Keep nourishment upon your person. Try to eat a filling, healthy meal with like vitamins and shit before you leave.

Hand sanitizer is a Gift. See above: brimming with germs. So wash your hands before eating or touching your face. In my experience, however, the sinks in those tiny bathrooms on plane or trains are about as gross as the rest of the stall. This is where hand sanitizer comes in.

Staying fed on a budget

Here's the thing about staying hydrated and healthily fed: airport food, ferry food and train station food is usually super expensive. The prices in the Starbucks at my local airport are at least 50 percent higher than the one in the centre of town, and that is Tourist Central. And this is fine. It makes sense from a business perspective. It's not like you can go anywhere. And if you're going on that one big holiday of your dreams (or if you're just, ya know, rich), go ahead and splurge on fancy sushi. But I've been in the Eurostar waiting room four times in the span of two weeks, and you kinda don't want to splurge every time, ya know.

Bring snacks. You are absolutely allowed to bring food through a security check. Airport security doesn't allow a specific amount of liquid but it says nothing about sandwiches, homemade cookies or fruit.

Bring filling food. While you're at it: don't just bring food, but make sure it'll last. My mom, when I was little and went on school trips, would always make me egg sandwiches, which is a thing I still occasionally do. Mostly, you don't want to bring white bread with nutella, because you'll get a sugar spike, right in the middle of 'expensive food town' or worse, somewhere above the Atlantic. So egg sandwiches work, rice balls work, heck, I've brought banana bread or pancakes with rye flower and a lot of nuts in them. Whatever works.

The caveat here is obviously country quarantines. You can't bring cultures and live plants and bugs and stuff. If you're like going to Australia or New Zealand, bring only pre-packaged snacks, or make sure you finish them on the plane.

Do the water bottle trick. You know those bins before security where you're supposed to deposit all your empty bottles? Those are bullshit. You're not allowed to bring *liquids*. An empty bottle is fine (of course this depends heavily on the airport and the mood of security agents that day, don't argue with them, just… don't). In my experience, I've been perfectly able to bring an empty water bottle with me through security, just to fill it at a water fountain later on. I'll admit that this is a Very Cheap trick, but I like having water with me at all times, ok?

  Packing for experts

I don't like overloading myself. Few things bother me more than those stupid trolley things that get in the way of everything and that you're basically stuck with, so I try to make two/three day trips on just a backpack and like a tote. This is a challenge, considering I treck around with a heavy laptop and like a Nintendo Switch and two smartphones.  And all the cables needed to keep those things running. Here are some tricks:

Don't bother with shampoo. Heavily dependent on the hotel you're staying, but business hotels will always have soap and shampoo for you. The good ones have conditioner as well. Is it shitty? Yes. Is it worth bringing your own bottle over that? Usually not.

Pack whatever the bare essentials are for you. By which I mean don’t just go by the checklist you got off the internet. No, not even this one. For me, the bare essentials are a toothbrush, toothpaste, make-up for being fancy, deodorant and way too much hand cream. Do try to stay somewhat comfortable, it's a trip, not a punishment.

Speaking of bare essentials: ear plugs will save, if not your life, then at least your sleep pattern. Most methods of transportation, and some hotels, are loud AF. You don't want to wear those headphones while trying to sleep.

Roll your clothes. I got this off of a very old Lifehacker article and that shit works ok? Put your outfit flat on the bed, one layer over the next. Fold in the sides and roll the whole thing into a tight cylinder. Once cylinder per outfit/day.  Shove said cylinders into your bag for remarkably wrinkle-free outfits at the end of the line.

Jeans are overrated (don’t @ me) Unless you're only wearing one pair of pants, why would you bring jeans? They're chunky and thick and heavy. Made for weathering hard labour, not for sitting in a plane seat for eight hours. Same goes for chunky knit sweaters. Pretty, comfy and warm, but they take up So Much Space.

You know what's great? Leggings. I say this as a rotund lady, whose travel uniform is leggings, sneakers and a tunic. That shit takes up almost no space, it's comfortable and if you get the right fabrics, it doesn't wrinkle. Also: counts as business casual.

Layers are your friend. Weather is notoriously unpredictable and climate change is a thing. I was in the UK in friggin october and it was 25 degrees and sunny. You can't really prepare for that, so layer. Bring a lightweight jacket, bring a thin shawl.

Wear comfy shoes. I shouldn't have to say this because life is too short to wear shitty shoes, but if you're going to travel, for the love of all that is holy don't do it in painful shoes. You will Always Walk More than you expected. Even if they drop you off at the airport. Airports are huge. The Underground or Metro has surprisingly long hallways to traverse, just finding your hotel may take a walk. And also: what's the point of going to some city abroad if you're not going to walk that city? You're flying all the way over there to see the inside of a convention hall? Fuck that.  Walk the city. Experience culture. Go friggin shopping.

Get a good bag. It's not very professional looking to travel for work with a backpacker bag, so I see a lot of those leather bags that double as a trolley. They're invariably hideous. Luckily there are better options. People who know me have heard me wax poetic about my backpack, which is pretty much a Tardis. You can fit ridiculous amounts of stuff in there considering that it counts as a laptop bag for cabin baggage. Extra tip: if you're going the overstuffed route, make sure the zippers are of the chunky type. I have broken zippers on several bags already, the thin ones really can't take too much strain.

  Safety and stuff

Staying safe and comfortable when traveling alond doesn't have to be too hard.

If you're the careful type you probably already do this but: use the chain on your hotel room door. Most hotels let you use a chain or bolt, as well as some kind of simple hand lock, on top of your keycard. This is important, because hotels are still a public place and those keycards are meant to be used by more than one person. I have a tendency to hang out in my hotel room in my underwear, (it is one of the joys of traveling alone, don't judge me), and I've had cleaning staff just show up in my room in the middle of the day. That is their job. I've also had people try to come into my room thinking it's their room, while I was in the tub. Shit happens. So if you're in your room, keep it locked. That little chain or bolt keeps pretty much everyone out.

Be aware. One of the issues of traveling alone, is that you don't have a buddy to have your back. This means you have to keep your own security. Now I'm not a very scared person; I will walk an unknown city by myself, even at night, but i'm also not stupid. Stick to main roads, don't flaunt expensive gadgets, don't get drunk. You know the drill. Basically be aware of your surroundings.

Do attempt to blend in. It will make you less of a target, though I do realize that some ethnicities will stand out in certain places, regardless of what they do. In general, most large cities are a mix of races and languages, and even then you can pick out an Obvious Tourist because their whole deal is their Otherness. The clothes they wear, the way they act and talk, it screams that they view this whole area as a zoo. People don't really like that. So adjust, a little, if you can, to the vibe of the place you're in. It could be about walking speed, level of politeness, Commuter Resting Bitch Face. It is definitely also about standing on the right side of the escalator, and not blocking traffic. Little things. Get ye a coffee and a window seat and just watch people for a while to pick up on it. Pretend like you're in a romantic coming of age film while doing it.

  The interbots abroad

There are essentially only three things I cannot live without when traveling: passport, credit card, internets. The first two are obvious (the credit card is for buying underwear in case everything else gets lost). The internets are for things like maps, companionship, and freaking out over private message when things somehow go wrong. It’s a great comfort.

Roaming sucks: the best thing the EU did in the past few years is get rid of roaming charges. So if you have a european phone subscription, any mobile data used in most EU countries will just go off your regular tab. But usually, roaming in other countries is Ridiculously Expensive, so you would  have to buy a burner phone or local card (which is getting harder), or you're stuck with wifi.

Funny thing about hotels: the fancier they are, the more they charge for wifi, on average. Your basic motel will have free wifi, the friggin Hilton will charge your per hour and have next to no plugs. It's getting a little better, because honestly, who charges for wifi, but if you're in this situation, consider the alternatives.

Get coffee. Starbucks is pretty much everywhere and it's a good place to get your internets on. Yes, the coffee is expensive, but still cheaper than hotel wifi, and as a bonus you get coffee. Furthermore, it has popularized the idea that coffee shops need free wifi, so you'll find plenty of local cafés that offer it as well. In the US you could also try like McDonalds or other places that offer it (tip: this usually does not work in Europe; McD's wifi in Europe is generally Awful).

VPN's, at least the free ones, are fairly useless. Most of them will not get through, for instance China's censorship wall, and several are also just a thin front for collecting your data. Honestly, if you're going to a country with strict internet rules and you won't be staying long, it's probably easier to just stay under the radar.

Speaking of radar: clear your devices of any incriminating things before hopping borders. Especially if you're going to the weird places. The US border police might confiscate your laptop and charge you for stolen mp3's, for instance. Some countries' border police may attempt to have you log into social accounts. Put on, at the very least, two-factor authentication to stop anyone swiping your credentials. Better yet, back up your devices and put them back on factory settings before crossing particularly challenging borders.

[dcmissionaries]

DokiDokiCon III + The Fic of Destiny

"Welcome to the annual Otaku Festival of Daten City- DokiDokiCon! This will be our third year running, and boy is it another wonderful sight to see!" The reporter chirped as she walked down the halls of the convention center, "Despite the terrible events of the previous two years, the convention is still going strong! I'm sure they feel safe because our very own Daten Celebrities have attended- maybe some people are coming just to see them in action!"

The truth was, the Angels had been asked to attend by the convention's very own curator. Due to his terrible luck with ghost attacks every year, he bribed the Angels with free tickets and merchandise if they attended- even going as far as to offer Hollywood-tier costume artists to make their cosplays. Needless to say, Strappon couldn't refuse the offer lest he be hated forever by the resident Anime Enthusiasts. The most pressing matter, of course, was the note that had been slid into his DMs by God: "Story..." Strappon whispered to himself, "What kind of story? Romance? Suspense? God, I wish You would give us more than one word..."

"It's aight, I'm sure we'll be good knowing what we know." Blazer waved their hand dismissively. Their costume had already been made prior in anticipation of the event months in advance, so they were just there for moral support, so they say. "I really hope it's not another 'inconvenient super power' ghost..." Duster sighed. Everyone likely felt this way, considering the circumstances last time in addition to the debacle at the hotsprings. --- Just as Angels surely got their note, so did Demons. Even those who had moved to the Abbey for amnesty got the email for their glorious, murderous Supreme Absolute. "Lost Soul sighted at or near the Convention Center in the center of Daten. Those not attending will be culled. We see all. We know all. Do not disobey." Talk about creepy. 

The air around the convention was filled with excitement and merriment a s thousands of attendees piled in, with plenty more waiting in line to g et their bags and badges checked on the way in. The Angels were lead in with their VIP badges, caught up in the energy o f the convention scene- especially with their fancy costumes.

BRIT:  Strappon walked in behind Blazer and Duster, attempting not to get swa  mped by the fans of their professional-looking Zelda cosplays.  "Remember, we do have a mission to follow-up on..." He said, trying no  t to say it too loud so as to ruin the fun they were obviously about t  o have.  "Relax, Strap. We got this." Blazer said as they posed with their swor  d for a photo. There was a hairflip for emphasis.

KURP:  Luna followed up behind the group, holding a poor cramped up Sukajan w  ho was still recovering from his failed Kinjaz routines. Now he truly  misses his cybernetic body, he played himself.  Out from behind them popped in Hot Pants who was rather excitable to b  e walking around as Toon Link. He was mostly excited to make faces whi  le taking pictures if anything.  In some other nondescript area of the con, there was a Bayonetta cospl  ayer who was in obvious emotional distress, their makeup constantly be  ing cleaned off their face and reapplied by a lovely Jeanne cosplayer.   There was a small pig accompanying the pair.

COFFIN:  Dzilla followed close behind the group, stopping to take pictures. The   giant woman cosplayed the giant woman, Opal. On her shoulder was an e  xtremely excited Mary Janes.  The bean of a boy was dressed up as Sapp  hire.  Foxstole was chilling, sipping a cappuccino in her Tracer cosplay.

SAIYAN:  Undershirt arrived wearing the same damn cosplay outfit that he'd worn   the last two times because he's unoriginal, along with Wristband and  Tuxedo Jacket. TJ didn't really want to get into the whole dressing up   aspect so he wore his usual outfit. Wristband decided to go as Videl,   having her hair styled into two magenta pigtails. The three of them r  an into Blazer and their little group.  "Oh, hey guys, nice choices of cosplay!" he said to Blazer and the res  t.  Meanwhile on the other side of the convention, Bowtie was there, dress  ed as Azula from the best anime //shot.  She accompanied the Bayo and  Jeanne cosplayers in their struggle with makeup.  "Are you two good there?" she asked them.

OMEGA:  Boxer was cosplaying as Kenshiro from Fist of the North Star, he was s  o excited to come to Doki Doki Con! "This is so awesome!" Boxer said a  s he was ready was the Con.  Raincoat was cosplaying as Aqua from Kingdom Hearts, she had worked ve  ry hard on the costume along with the Keyblade too. "I get to finally  try out my Aqua Costume." Raincoat said with a smile on her face as sh  e looked at Boxer.  Emperor Crown was cosplaying as Gilgamesh from Fate Series and Father  Crucifix was cosplaying as Dracula from Castlevania Series. These two  were focus to cosplay by Raincoat and Boxer. "Well, at least this cost  ume doesn't ruin my looks." Emperor Crown chuckles a little with a smi  rk on his face. "I will never until kids and their cosplaying..." Fath  er Crucifix sighs as he follows Boxer and Raincoat.

HITA:  Skipping and jumping and twirling into the entryway, Brooch managed to   somehow get over to where Mister Strappon was standing.  Regardless o  f how fun it was to dress up as the character Lana from Hyrule Warrior  s, she at least took her job seriously.  She squinted out at the crowd  s, eyes darting around to assess what all was happening.  "I just hope we don't wreck the center.  My cousin said her boyfriend  has had to fix it every year since the Con started."  She glanced arou  nd again, hoping to spy others she knew.  She spotted the blue man, Mi  ster Undershirt, and was happy when they made their way over.  Almost.    She squinted at the Tux Man and had a thought, digging into her bag  and pulling out a domino mask, top hat, and cape.  "Wear them."  She shoved them straight at Tuxedo Jacket.  "Wear them n  ow, you can't not cosplay!!  Be Tuxedo Mask!!"  She was definitely not   shoving her magical girl agenda, no.  On the other end of the Con center, a tall person was dressed as an ex  ceptional rendition of the Fierce Deity from Legend of Zelda.  Meander  ing through the halls, VF, the Fierce Deity in question, hummed in its   doubled voice in amusement at the way people were reacting to various   cosplayers.  Humans were so silly, really.

KURP:  "No, we're not good, my kid was taken for crying out loud!" Replied th  e Bayonetta cosplayer, who was actually Hairpin.  "At least my photo shoots are coming out amazing..."

OMEGA:  "I don't know why we have to wear this Brother!" Tank Top said as he w  as cosplaying as Hikaru from Ouran High School. "You just have to wear   this today, Brother." Dress Shirt said as he was cosplaying as Kaoru  from Ouran High School. "But couldn't you find any better costumes..."   Tank Top mutter as he didn't like this costume. "These were the only  twin costumes i could find. Besides, you look cute in that costume." D  ress Shirt chuckles as he looks at his Brother. "W-Whatever." Tank Top   said as he blushes a little from that.

SAIYAN:  Tuxedo Jacket was taken aback by Brooches' sudden appearance as he was   quickly handed a mask and a cape. Normally he would have said no, but   with items he was handed it was better to just accept it.  "UGH! Fine!" he groaned as he put the items on.  "How do I look?" he asked.  Meanwhile, Bowtie frowned a bit at HP's response. Poor guy, he was goi  ng through a lot.  "Oh yeah, I kinda forgot about all that. At least you have the picture  s!" Bowtie said before leaning in a bit.  "Is there anyway I can make this better?" she asked HP.

KURP:  "Yeah, if you got my kid back! We still haven't gotten any leads and t  his is honestly upsetting," he said, wiping away the makeup that had j  ust been reapplied to his face. His husband had his work cut out for h  im, honestly.

BRIT:  "Thanks." Blazer said nonchalantly in reply to Undershirt, "I see you'  re using the same costume as you usually do. You're well-known for it  anyway, so there's no reason to diss your lack of originality."  "Blazer, please..." Duster muttered. He adjusted the hat to his Vaati  cosplay before being asked for another picture and meandering off. He  took Hot Pants' hand so they could pose together.  Amulet, dressed as Jeanne, handed his husband another tissue. He was g  lad they were using magic for some of the makeup, and that his costume   was made of premium red vinyl, otherwise this would be messy for both   of them.  "Honey, we'll find him. Just... Try to enjoy the convention a little."   He said.

COFFIN:  A black hearse rolled up to the entrance. Vampire Collar stepped out f  irst as Thorn. Assless Chaps soon followed as Dusk. Lastly, Jong stepp  ed out as Luna. The Hex boys had made it to DDC. They made their way t  o the group with a trail of Scooby Doo fans close behind.  Mary Janes just climes on Dzilla. Dzilla turned and waved to Foxstole.   Fox yawned,"Ciao D. Nice cosplay, never pegged you as the type."  Dzilla shrugged and tossed Mary in the air. "Do not judge by covers Fo  x. " She caught the giggling boy as she completed the sentence.  Virgin Killer nyoomed down the street on her Harley. She stepped off a  nd took off her helmet. She gave Diadem a kiss on the forehead. The tw  o had gone as Dexter and DeeDee. "You look so cuttte~!" Virgin squeale  d.

KURP:  "How can I enjoy it knowing my baby boy isn't in my arms!"  At this point Hairpin was getting somewhat hysterical, but he did try  to calm himself down, blowing his nose in the tissue hand to him.  "Fine, but. No promises," he said.  Archer gloves literally arrived a few minutes later with some starbuck  s, in full-blown Revali cosplay, catching up with Strappon's group. He   wasn't really appreciative but how could he deny Luna after being sho  wn the kid dressed as Zelda.  "Should we move around? I'm interested in seeing what this 'artist all  ey' is all about."

OSCAR:  Gloves and Sapphire followed the group, and was taken few pictures by  other cosplayers. Gloves was cosplay as Lucario and Sapphire was cospl  ay as Shalour Gym, Korrina. They don't mind getting pictures by other  cosplayers. They like it.  Meanwhile on the other side of the convention, Dress Socks and G-Strin  gs was there, getting pictures by other cosplayers as well. Dress Sock  s cosplaying as Soul from Soul eater and G-Strings was cosplaying as M  aka from soul eater. Both of them are in their human disguises and des  pite Dress Socks hate being in one since it makes him itchy, he don't  want to attract the wrong crowed. So he brought himself some lotion fo  r himself from home and apply to his skin so it won't itch that much.  Overall, they're with the other side with the demons, hellbents, and i  nquisitors.

SOUP KITTY:  Jong had a smile plastered on his face. He was clearly enjoying himsel  f and all the attention they were getting. It reminded him of his burl  esque days. He reached for Vampire Collar's hand and took hold of it.  He was hyped.  Near the entrance, there was a rather peculiar Sucy Manbavaran, who wa  s really just Pointe. What made her so peculiar was the giant glowing  blue sword strapped to her back. She somehow managed to get the sword  past security under the excuse that if you look really closely, it was   clearly lined with pixels. whatever that meant. She was taking pictur  es with other Little Witch Academia cosplayers, and handing them 20% o  ff coupons to an actual real actually legit witch shop.  Diadem smiled sheepishly at Virg's comments. "So do you. We should mee  t up with the others now." He was a bit nervous to be out and about, b  ut he had been convinced to go. He held on to Virgin's arm.

OMEGA:  "Jong! Vampire Collar! Over here you guys!" Boxer called out to them a  s he waved his arm in the air to get their attention.  Raincoat was with Boxer excited for the Con.  Father Crucifix and Emperor Crown were getting a lot of people to come   up to them and take picture of them in their costume.

KURP:  "Boxer, dear!"  A rather sultry voice came from behind him and suddenly the imposing f  igure of Asmodeus had his grubby little hands all over Boxer.  "So who are you supposed to be, huh? Some big tough guy from some post  -apocalyptic universe or something?

OMEGA:  "I am Kenshiro from Fist of the North Star, it is a very classic anime  ." Boxer answered Asmodeus the Demon Lord of Lust.

RYAN:  Pauldron slowly moved through the crowd, dressed as Kaneli from Zelda,   looking very confused as he looked for his Revali. A blushing mess, h  is ease disappearing the second he posed for photos.  Thigh High was currently using him as a human shield to slowly push th  rough the people. Dressed as our Lord and saviour Sonic the Hedgehog i  n her own homemade suit, she was having the time of her life.  “For someone so nervous, you’re fitting in rather well.” She mused at  the old man.  “I used to attract crowds like this all the time when I was younger.”  He pointed out as he turned to look down at the angel.  “But it has been quite some time since I’ve been treated like this…” P  auldron confessed as he tried to black out that one time when everyone   called him a bear on Twitter.

COFFIN:  Vampire Collar held Jong's hand and kissed him. He snaked his arm arou  nd Jong's waist and he smiled.  Assless Chaps moved his arm around Jong too and he smirked, walking to   the group with them. "We look absolutely wonderful."  Virgin Killer took Diadem's arm and walks with him. "Of course babes.  C'mon let loose!" She giggled. "We look bomb."

SAIYAN:  Bowtie patted the poor man in the shoulder. He was really torn up abou  t this, and rightfully so. But she smiled when he took up her offer.  "I'll help you take your mind off of it for a bit, don't worry." She c  onsoled him.  Meanwhile, Undershirt turned to Blazer with an eyeroll.  "Thanks for the backhanded compliment, totally makes me feel better" h  e said to him.  While Undershirt was talking, Wristband noticed that Asmo had made an  appearance. Without saying anything, she walked away from the group an  d wandered to his side. She silently placed a hand on his shoulder.  "Don't think about slinking away anywhere, I'm gonna be watching you l  ike a hawk. So no funny business, okay?" she asked him.

FUJOSHI:  Somewhere in the midst of the chatter, a small, chubby girl was wander  ing and weaving between all the cosplayers with hearts in her eyes. Sh  e was so mystified- everyone was so real!  "Oh, this is so much like I've dreamed! So many kawaii Anime character  s surrounding me- I could just write a fanfiction right now!" She sque  eled, "But I don't know what to do, yet! I should find some muse with  them..."  Fujoshi wandered further into the crowd to find some pretty damn profe  ssional cosplays. She stood back and sat down to watch them talking to   each other from a distance.

SOUP KITTY:  Jong gave a little wave to boxer with his free hand, then nodded with  respect to Asmodeus.  Pointe noticed the group Jong was in, and immediately gravitated over  there. She was now walking beside them. She was bodyguard Sucy Manbava  ran.  Diadem smiled and nodded, as they caught up with their squad. He point  ed at Boxer, and then made the throat cutting sign while mouthing "If  you hurt him you're a dead man."

KURP:  "I would say that's a little too old school for me, but I am partial t  o the JoJo series myself," Asmodeus admitted.  "How about we try and have a nice time today. After all, we're technic  ally still /boyfriends/."  His fun was immediately interrupted by the sudden appearance of Wristb  and. Oh bother, what does she want. He rolled his eyes as she spoke, a  lmost shooing her away.  "Listen, the worst I'll do is go fuck someone behind the con or someth  ing. This is a good opportunity for me to feed. I won't kill anyone, I   promise."  "What do you have in mind?" Hairpin asked. He would be lying if he sai  d he wasn't curious.  Archer looked around as his group began chattering among themselves, t  rying to figure out what venue to hit first when he spotted what seeme  d to be Pauldron. He waved enthusiastically, hoping to get the attenti  on of the man.

TOTALLY NOT DJ:  Meanwhile, just outside the Con, Ruka was on his knees, weeping over h  is ruined Doomguy cosplay with Flat Cap and Vest in their costumes wat  ching over him. "Nice going, Helmet. Ya ruined his costume with your m  eat juices. Now we gotta get him a new one." Flat Cap said to Helmet,  who was rather stupid in his ham costume.

OMEGA:  Boxer was surprise that Asmodeus like Jojo, he thought that he would l  ike Yuri on Ice or Ecchi Anime. But he was getting nervous by Asmodeus   trying to seduce him? Is that it? Well the boy had to get out of ther  e.  "Actually Asmodeus, me and Boxer were going to check out the Art and Anime Figures they have." Raincoat said as he grabs Boxer to her side.  "And i think a demon like you wouldn't be interest in that." She said  as she had found a way to save Boxer.  "Brother Pauldron! It's good to see you here!" Father Crucifix said as   he walked over to Pauldron with a smile showing his fangs.  Emperor Crown was taking more Pictures with Fans of the Fate Series.

SAIYAN:  It was Wristband's turn to roll her eyes this time, as Asmo tried to d  ownplay her concerns.  "That's exactly what I'm concerned about. That's why I'm keeping you i  n my sights for the rest of the con" Wristband said sternly.

OSCAR:  While walking around in the con, Gloves and Sapphire was enjoying gett  ing pictures by other cosplayers. Especially for Sapphire, this is her   first time for her to be in the convention and having the time of her   life. Plus, she can rollerblade around at the convention. Gloves was  also having fun, not only he's in his second favorite cosplay as Lucar  io, but getting hugs by young and old people, with permission of cours  e. While  enjoying, they spotted Archer Gloves from afar and approach  him with smile on their faces. He can't see Gloves smile since he's we  aring a mask, but he's smiling.  "Hey, Archer!" Gloves said, waving to him. "Nice cosplay you got on."  Sapphire was next to him and she's waving as well.  Meanwhile, Dress Socks and G-Strings are walking around in the crowed  of cosplayers at the sight to find the Lost Soul. Yet, nice and kind k  ids walk over to them and ask if they could have a picture with them.  They look at each other and look back at the kids with the kids. Might   as well have fun first while finding the Lost Soul. After all, it's t  heir first time being here.  While taking picture, they all made a cool pose and say the line, "Sou  l Residence!"

EMI:  Finally making his way through the line, Trenchcoat, dressed as Joker  from Persona 5, made is way through the crowds of con-goers while star  ing at his pamphlet, walking passed the giant lion-like statue that wa  s also surrounded by a crowd. There were so many damn people here and  he was starting to get irritated.  Meanwhile, Mong was enjoying his freedom from Hell, and his freedom fr  om clothes since he was cosplaying a strange orange-haired version of  Felicia from Darkstalkers. Man he loved being mostly naked.

RYAN:  Pauldron visibly cringed when he heard many onlookers praise his outfi  t, too many mentioning d*ddy under their breathe.  “You know if you went as Kass, Cheeky could have lent you his accordio  n.” Thigh High remarked as she leaned on his back, completely obscured   by the sheer size of this lad.  “I do not know where this instrument has been, so I do not wish to tou  ch it. Much less, carry it around for a whole day!” He laughed through   his teeth so he could continue to pose for photos. A hand waving in h  is peripheral caused him to turn his head. Immediately he began to try   to walk towards Archer Gloves only to blocked off by more admirers. P  auldron let out a sigh and was about to give up on his pursuit when hi  s companion came to his rescue.  Coming to stand in front of him, Thigh High raised her arms and simply   announced,  “Move, I’m gay!”  “Thigh High, that’s not exactly… helpful?” He began to whisper before  being astonished as the crowd parted before her, not unlike that one b  iblical scene.  “Never underestimate the raw power of our Lord and saviour!” Thigh Hig  h scoffed at the non-believer as she tugged him towards the man of int  erest.

HITA:  Humming the Zelda theme to herself, Brooch began to wander off, her ha  ir still moving as if sentient when people came too close.  She was al  l too happy to pose for pictures, striking poses gleefully.  Her atten  tion was snatched by an exceptional Sonic and it made her sad she didn  't have her Tails costume.  She basically nyoomed to Thigh High, clapp  ing happily at seeing the outfit.  "You make me wish I had my Tails outfit and that Visor was here as Knu  ckles!!  It'd be great!"  So excited she was, she didn't notice her ha  ir lifting like it was in a Ghibli movie.  VF finally spotted people it knew, heading to the grouping of Bowtie,  HP, and Amulet.  While it didn't much care for this sector and it foun  d the absolute to be a few plastic monkeys short of a full barrel, HP  would have made the South-West proud.  It slid a notepad out of its cl  othes, eyebrows furrowing and mouth pulling into a frown at the conver  sation that had been going on.  'Has there been any updates?  Your girl-child keeps pestering it for s  ome reason to aid in the search.'  Its fingers twitched and it wrote a   further note to the group.  'If It can assist, It will do so.'

YARANAIKA:  This was the best convention she'd ever seen!  Hearts in her eyes, Yar  anaika's expert outfitting skills had hidden was she really looked lik  e.  Yes, she still had a bit of a give away but give her a break!!  Sa  ilor Scout ensemble set, she wandered through the halls, hoping for th  e best of the best to inspire her.  If only she could find someone who loved the animes as much as she did  !  If only she could find a partner to bring the most sugoi of love st  ories to life in this place!  With this in mind, the disguised ghost became a bit lost in thought as   she prepared for the story to unfold.

COFFIN:  Vampire Collar yoinked Jong away from Boxer, dipping him into a kiss.  Assless Chaps shook his head and he crossed his arms. "Annnd there the  y go."  Virgin Killer looked at Asmodeus and gave him the Chancla eyes. She ch  illed and took pictures with Diadem.  Fox sat on Dzilla's shoulder and Mary Janes gave her a high five. Mary   looked on at the crouds. "Look at allll these chickens!"

KURP:  "Now, now dear," Asmodeus said to Diadem, "I can take care of myself.  I can take rejection, at least."  No, he honestly couldn't. He was sensitive.  He smiled deviously as Raincoat spoke, wrapping an arm of his with Box  er's, "Actually, considering I hang around many enthusiasts, I acquire  d quite the taste for Japanese related animation so I'd be interested  in coming along with you two. Well, specifically Boxer."  He huffed at Wristband, once again, gesturing her to leave. "Listen, I   prefer some privacy when I'm in the act. At least respect that."  Archer quirked a brow as he was approached by Gloves and Sapphire, wav  ing a bit at them.  "Uh..Who are you?" He asked. He never seen these people in his life, a  s if he could see who was under what he assumed to be a fursuit. Furri  es do not interact.  His attention was refocused on Pauldron who was inching closer. Taking   deep breaths, he also approached Pauldron, looking up to the large ma  n. God, he just knows he's got a big dick, he just knows it.  "I see Lady Luna made a good call, huh? You look rather dapper in that   outfit."  Hairpin took the note he was handed and looked up to VF, shaking his h  ead, "No. Nobody's seen those 'Flies' anywhere since they took Armlet.   Hopefully we get new leads soon...Maybe you could speak to Sash? I kn  ow the two of you were kind of close."

SOUP KITTY:  Jong's eyes widened at suddenly being dipped, but he eventually just c  losed his eyes and let it happen.  Pointe had separated from the group and was reading through some magic  al girl mangas somewhere, clearly starry-eyed because of the chapter s  he was on.  Diadem pat Asmodeus on the back. "Still, cant hurt to have back up, ri  ght?" The boy smiled at his grandad, before adjusting his glasses, whi  ch admittedly were is /actual/ glasses and not just ones for the cospl  ay. He went back to taking pictures with Virg.

SAIYAN:  Wristband laughed a bit at Asmo trying to get out of this situation. A  s if there was any chance that she'd leave him alone for any amount of   time.  "Well that's too bad buddy, I don't want people being sucked dry and d  ying on my watch" Wristband replied.

OMEGA:  "Fine..." Raincoat sigh as she took Boxer and Asmodeus to look at Anim  e Figures and Art.  "Mother, save me." Boxer thought to himself as he thought Asmodeus wou  ld live him alone.  Emperor Crown was starting to love the Pictures.  Meanwhile the Brothers were searching for the Lost Soul. "Where could  that Lost Soul be?" Dress Shirt ask himself as he looked around with h  is Brother. Tank Top was eating some cookies that he bought but was ge  tting some crumbs on his face. Then Dress Short got a idea going over  to his Brother and licking the crumbs off his face. The plan was to lu  re out the Lost Soul with the power of Yaoi and Brotherly Love! Though   Ouran High School Fans were storming at the twins!

COFFIN:  Vampire Collar slowly tilted him back up and he pulled away with a hap  py sigh. "Glad to see I can still surprise you."  Assless stretched and yawned. "Weirdos. I'll meet you dweebs later, ch  ecking on dad boy blue bunny guy." He walked over to Asmo.  Virgin bumped Diadem's hip with her own and she took his hand. "Wanna  go to the r-section and check out a lil surprise~?"  Dzilla walked over to Asmodeus and she patted his shoulder. "Hello Asm  odeus, Wristband. I can watch him if you'd like?"   Mary Janes squeaked and hopped down, hugging the leg of the large dem  on. "Azzy!"

OSCAR:  Gloves was little surprise that he doesn't know him, but I guess it wa  s his cosplay at fault. It did cover his whole entire body after all,  including his head.  "Who am I? Oh right! This mask blocks out my head to everyone to see.  Gives me a sec..." He said. He took off his head with his paws to reve  al Gloves under cosplay Lucario to Archer Gloves.  "Sorry about that. I guess we haven't introduce to you." Gloves said.  "My name's Gloves Stone and this here on my left side is Sapphire, wea  ring her Korrina cosplay." He looks at her.  "Hello." Sapphire said. "Isn't this con wonderful?" She ask. "This is  my first time being here and there's so many people here wearing aweso  me cosplays, including yours." She smiles to Archer Gloves.

SAIYAN:  Meanwhile, Bowtie tried to think of something fun for her and HP to do  .  "Well....maybe we could go out for ice cream? Ice cream always makes m  e feel better" She said to HP.

HITA:  Frowning in deep thought, VF considered its options here.  Tilting its   head, a new note passed to the distraught man.  'It will get in touch with him and grandmother.  The Flies as you call   them sounds familiar.  Almost like something its grandmother ousted s  ome time ago.'  It frowned even harder at the thought.  Actually, it s  ounded very familiar.  What was it about that name?  'A cult It thinks  ?'  Fingers curling, it smiled almost cruelly at the thought of wiping out   a cult.  One of the many things it had yet to let go of was the urge  to purge all cults.  'It will aid you how It can.'

SOUP KITTY:  Jong was blushing, and it was noticeable as heck. He held on for dear  life to Vamp. This truly had swept him off his feet.  Diadem looked a bit confused but agreed. "What is the surprise?" he as  ked. It was almost as if he didn't know the implications of where they   were going. Still, oblivious as ever, he followed happily and innocen  tly.  Pointe had found somewhere to sit, and kept reading her magical girl m  anga. She had managed to save up all her allowance and the money she m  ade from helping around the shop, and was having tons of fun buying al  l the merch that her little heart could desire.

BRIT:  Duster pulled Hot Pants along as they had just exited the merch room w  ith more than enough Doujins, several figures, a body pillow, and too  many stuffed alpacas. Duster was carrying everything, being the talles  t.  "Hots... I think we need to bring some of this merchandise to the car.  " He said, "It's a bit much to carry."  Strappon wandered the con aimlessly, feeling terribly out of place. He   did take pictures of some cool costumes that he liked regardless of w  hether or not he was familiar with the series.

RYAN:  Giggling at Brooch’s sentient hair, Thigh High beamed at the woman bef  ore her.  “We should have called to coordinate, but your Lana looks so good!!!!”   She squealed as she did the ok hand, shaking it for emphasis.”  Pauldron gazed down at Archer Gloves and simply stated: “You dress wel  l.”  Thigh High cackled at the display in front of her before slapping Paul  dron on the back as she pointed at his tree trunk arms,  “This bad boy can fit so many feathers on his “wings”. I ‘m honestly h  ella jealous.”  “Luna has very good tastes when it comes to this sort of scenery! Much   better than Cheeky’s.” Pauldron stammered out as he began to fan hims  elf, was it hot in here or was it just him.  “It’s just you.” Thigh High smirked much to Pauldron's horror he'd act  ually said it aloud, what a fucking pleb. Then she gestured towards Cr  ucifix. Pulling him by the collar to whisper in his ear, she held up a   hand and whispered, “You’ve been so busy being gay you didn’t even no  tice that he’s right beside you!”  “Uhhhh….. Hello there Father Crucifix, long time no see!” The man righ  ted himself up immediately and turned towards the man, holding out his   hand. Pauldron, baby, please get your shit together.

COFFIN:  Vampire Collar picked Jong up and he casually danced around with him i  n his arms.  Virgin plopped by her booth. She smiled and Bob slithered out of her c  leavage. Bob waves to Diadem. "This is the booth for me and Flat's com  pany."

OMEGA:  "Indeed, I see you are cosplaying too. Boxer and Raincoat made me cosp  lay, they thought that i would make a good Dracula." Father Crucifix s  aid as he smiles at his friend. "Though how are you doing?" He ask as  he looked at Pauldron.  Meanwhile Raincoat and Boxer along with Asmodeus were by the Anime Fig  ures. "I wonder if that got a Gundam Figure or Jojo Figure!" Boxer sai  d as he looked at the Figures. "Today, i will find that Aqua Figure!"  Raincoat said as she was looking at the Kingdom Hearts stuff.

SAIYAN:  Wristband turned to Dzilla and smiled a bit at her offer.  "Thanks, but I think I got this. Unless you wanted to help me, then I  have no issues with that." Wristband replied.

TOTALLY NOT DJ:  Ruka walked around the con in his Doomguy costume, looking at all the  stands, merch, and all the goddamn furries everywhere. What he wouldn'  t give for a flamethrower right about now. Distracted by his disgust t  owards the furries, he accidentally bumped into Strappon, falling on h  is ass. "Hey! Watch where you're going, fucker!"  Flat Cap and Vest were just looking through Dark Soul merch at one the   stands, with Vest hissing at the statues of Smough and Ornstein in ba  ck the stand.

KURP:  Seeing that Strappon went on without them, Luna and Sukajan got an ide  a. They let Strappon mosey around the convention floor before approach  ing him, Sukajan swinging Strappon to pose with them as Luna held out  a phone for a selfie-styled picture.  "Say Till Valhalla!" Luna said, trying to impersonate Mercy as best sh  e could.  "Ugh," Asmodeus groaned as Wristband began following his little group.   "It's already in my contract that I can't kill, why keep watch over m  e? Go out and enjoy this convention!"  Archer looked back at Gloves and Sapphire, squinting a bit, "Uh, it's  alright I guess. This isn't something I'm really used to."  At this point he practically stuck himself to Pauldron's side, wrappin  g his arms around Pauldron's as the man was speaking to someone else.  Boy he was getting nervous for no reason.  "Yeah, they're a cult from what little information we scrunched up. Ap  parently a group of people that deeply worship an old demon of lore, B  eelzebub. Everyone thinks Sash is him, but who knows. Any help is appr  eciated, nonetheless," Hairpin said, giving a smile to VF.  He crinkled his nose at Bowtie's silly suggestion, "Honestly, I don't  have the appetite to eat anything right now..."  Hot Pants looked at everything Duster was carrying, arching a brow. "I   mean, if you let me carry something, this wouldn't be a problem but y  eah, let's go back to the car real quick before your arms pop off."

SOUP KITTY:  Jong giggled in delight. The dancing seemed to have attracted some sta  res, but honestly he was having too much fin to care.  "Hey thats pretty cool!" Diadem said. "what do you guys do?" He was ho  nestly clueless, he probably missed the memo.  Pointe was walking around again, and bumped into Thigh High, in the no  n literal sense. "Oh hey! Aren't you friends with my sister?"

SAIYAN:  Wristband just shook her head again, her magenta pig tails swishing ba  ck and forth in front of her.  "Because, Asmo, it's my job. As an angel I gotta make sure no one gets   hurt by demons and ghost and the like" She said to him.

COFFIN:  Dzilla smiled back,"I would love to help you. I would also like to cat  ch up a little with him is all."  Was Mary Janes nibbling on Asmo's leg? Yes. Was he ready to rangle the   bullworm? Yeah.  Virgin chucked and shook her head, "Oh Dia.. We have an adult toy comp  any." Bob wiggled and stuck his sucker to Diadem's hand.  Vampire Collar placed him down after a little bit, laughing some. "I l  ove you darling.~ "

BRIT:  Strappon had probably been knocked foreward by the force of Ruka's ent  ire self, but was swept up by Sukajan. He had not only been accosted b  y a man in full armor, but was now having pictures taken of him.  "I was watching where I was headed!" He shouted to Ruka from Su's heft  y grip. He pouted at the man who was holding him. "And can I help you?  "  Duster was glad Hot Pants offered, because he was now going to carry 8  0% of the items. They were dropped on him.  "Fuck, I'm glad you offered." He said simply, "Carry your own weight."

HITA:  Giggling at the sillines of the people before her, Brooch bounced a bi  t in joy at Thigh High's compliment.  She was happy!  She had a chance   to get it made professionally but her cousin wanted to make it.  Of c  ourse, because of this, the outfit was bulletproof.  Kevlar was appare  ntly a hassle to sew into clothing but it was still there.  "My cousin made it for me!  You haven't met Sleevies yet but she wants   to meet you one day for sure!  We've all just been... looking for Mis  s Bifocals."  She shifted, hair going limp before she bounced back.  "  Anyway!"  She smiled at how silly everyone was being but kept her eye  warily on the floor.  She turned her eyes back to the people in front  of her with a grin.  "What interesitng costumes you all have!"  And with the mention of Beelzebub, it clicked.  Eyes narrowing, it cur  led its lips in annoyance.  'You speak of they that are banned from its home, then.  It thought so  .'  Nodding as it handed off the note, it tilted its head at the demon  s before it.  Eyes alighting on the way that Amulet and Bowtie seemed  to be reacting to this, it inclined its head to the trio.  'It will be   bringing this to its grandmother and the hunting will commence in glo  rious fashion.'

YARANAIKA:  Seeing a girl by herself, Yaranaika wandered over to Pointe and giggle  d at the mangas.  "Hello pretty girl!!  Mind if I sit here with you??"  Her hair seemed  to look slick in the light and almost moved on its own before she sett  led to smile kindly down at Pointe.

OMEGA:  "Boxer! I found one of Kotobukiya Bishoujo!" Raincoat said as she hold  s up one of the figures which was Female Version of the Thor from the  Marvel Universe.  "So Cool! How much is it?" Boxer ask as he looked Raincoat though keep  ing his eyes on the figure.  "Seems to be fifty dollars." Raincoat answer as she holds the figure.  "I'll buy it!" Boxer said as he buys the figure.  Soon the two started to buy some Figures and Artwork of Characters tha  t they like.

OSCAR:  Gloves smiles back to Archer Gloves and wears back his cosplay helmet.   When he does that, he turn too Sapphire and she was looking at someth  ing on her left side. Turning his head at the direction, she was looki  ng at the ice cream stand.  "Wanna get some ice cream?" He ask her. She respond to a yes and went  towards the ice cream stand.  Waving goodbye to the little ones, Dress Socks and G-Strings continue  their search for the Lost Soul.  "Okay." Dress Socks said to G-Strings. "If I where to be a Lost Soul,  where would I be?" He said.  "Probably at the merchandise?" G-Strings guess. "Most people usually g  et cool figures and T-Shirts, so why not?"  "Yeah." Dress Socks said. "Let's start." Like that they're walking tow  ards to different merchandises in the search of the Lost Soul.

SOUP KITTY:  Diadem's face looked as if he had just learned all the secrets of the  universe. "Oooooh" He just nodded his head after that.  "I love you too~" Jong cooed. It was probably super apparent to anyone   who looked at them, that they were super in love. Jong kept an arm ar  ound vamp's neck, and gazed lovingly into his eyes.  "Sure!" Pointe chirped, this person seemed nice enough. "Would you lik  e to read with me?" She asked, offering up a bag filled with a bunch o  f newly bought mangas.

KURP:  Taking some of the merch off Duster, Hot Pants yanked off the more imp  ortant hauls of their little trip, the stuffed alpacas.  "I have no idea how you could see with these obviously obscuring your  vision," he commented.  Upon reading the note that he was handed, a chill went down his spine.   He wasn't even the target and he feels afraid for his life.  "T-thank you," he managed.  "It's us, Strap. You just kind of left us in the dust," Sukajan said a  s his grip loosened, straightening up the former Templer. He looked do  wn at Ruka who had his ass flat on the ground.  "Nice Doom Marine outfit there, dude."  Asmodeus rolled his eyes again.  "Fine, but please don't be in the room when I'm feeding!"

RYAN:  Thigh High sweated nervously before tugging on her collar and averting   her gaze from Pointe's.  "Haha, yeah, friends. Haha"  Pauldron looked down at her and said what we're all thinking,  "Stop laughing, it makes you sound very suspicious!" As he was feeling   way more confident with how close Archer was standing to next to him.  "I'm doing a lot better now that Cheeky is now preoccupied with this,  Leon Leonhart." Pauldron answered Crucifix's questioned.  "Uhm actually you forgot a Leon. There's three (3)." Thigh High correc  ted as she poked her head into the middle of their conversation, holdi  ng up three fingers to emphasize her point.

TOTALLY NOT DJ:  "Thanks, i guess." Ruka said as he got back up on his feet, "That Helm  et fucker got meat juice all over it earlier but I managed to clean mo  st of it off. Afterwards, I puntkicked his ass back to the Abbey."  Flat Cap eventually got tired of staring at Dark Souls merch and left  Vest to go do his own thing, forgetting that Vest was liable to steal  everything in the booth. After some walking, he noticed VK and Diadem  and walked over them. "Oi, Virgy! I see ye got a booth set up, eh?"

KURP:  "Hell yeah I'm three (3) whole Leon!" Leon yelled from the distance. W  here the fuck did he come from.

SAIYAN:  Bowtie's smile fell from her face. She really didn't know what to say  to him right know. His child really was all that was on his mind and t  here was nothing that would be able to change that it would seem.  "Well, I'm sure that he'll turn up soon." Bowtie said, trying her best   to comfort the poor carrot.  Meanwhile back with Asmo and Wristband the two just kept on arguing.  "How about I just turn around while you do it. But if I hear screams o  f pain I will step in and put and end to it" she said sternly.

OMEGA:  "That's great to hear." Father Crucifix said as he smiles showing his  vampire fangs a little. "I wish Ball Gown was here with me. Maybe she  could of been the Bride of Dracula." He chuckles as he looks a Pauldro  n.

COFFIN:  Virgin Killer started to laugh, holding her stomach. She loved him to  bits and pieces. "Yeah, so I figured why not have a lil somethin out."   She shrugged and squeaked when she heard Flatcap. "Heya sweets! Yeah!   I talked to the event management office and they were chill with it."  Vampire Collar kissed his nose and he moved his arms around Jong's hip  s. "Good.~ How're you holding up Dulce?" He rubbed the others sides.  Mary Janes heard feeding and he gasped. He then took his Hello kitty l  unchbox out of his bear. He opened it and it was filled to the brim wi  th dino chicken nuggets. "If you get hungry you can have some of these   with me!" Oh this sweet boy.  Dzilla chuckled and she shook her head.

KURP:  "Her name is /Lisa/, at least have the decency to look up the series y  ou're dressing up as, you," Archer spat, looking at Crucifix almost ac  cusingly.  He tried to hold on to Pauldron's hand, noticing that his tiny ones we  re absolutely dwarfed. Feeling his face flush, he grabbed on to it wit  h both hands. He felt like he was going to die on the spot, Lord help  him.  "So anyways. I've been interested in going to this artist alley they h  ave here. Anyone want to come with?"  "Ew, no!" Asmodeus said, "Just stay outside the room, goodness! Even I   have more decency than that..."  Sighing, he caught up with Boxer, once again wrapping his arms around  him.  "So tell me /Boxxy/, what do you want? You can ask me for anything, I  have unlimited funds for your pleasure! Just point to it and it'll be  your's."  "I hope so too," Hairpin said. It finally seemed like his crying spell   was ending, tugging on Amulet to reapply some of his makeup.  "That's kind of a justified response," Luna said to Ruka, "If you need   any proper repairs on that costume, just ask? I'm sure we got some ma  terials to spruce it up back at the house."

OSCAR:  While walking to different Booths with no sigh of the Lost Soul, Dress   Socks spotted a booth that got his interest. He walks over to it with   G-String with a curious look on her face. As they reach to the booth,   theirs an item that was calling out to him and it was cosplay Inuyash  a Tessaiga Sword. His eyes was glittered and want it so bad.  G-Strings looks at the sword, then back at Dress Socks. "Are you sure  you wanna buy it?" She ask him. "It cost $120.00 to buy it."  "Yes!" Dress Socks answer immediately. "I know that we got...'Cosplay  weapons', but this sword look so cool!" He don't want to blow their co  ver that they have demonic weapons on them. Otherwise, they'll be kick  ed out.  G-Strings sighs and looks at him. "Alright. If you demonic hearts want  s it, then go for it." She said.  With that, Dress Socks immediately bought it and strap it behind his b  ack.  Meanwhile, Gloves and Sapphire are enjoying their Ice cream and sittin  g at the bench. Gloves purchase Vanilla and Chocolate swirl and Sapphi  re purchase Resse Pieces Ice Cream.

SOUP KITTY:  Diadem laughed along with her, he was glad he came.  Jong giggled a bit "I'm doing okay. A lot better than this morning." J  ong stood on his tip toes and planted a kiss on Vamp's cheek. "I had p  retty bad morning sickness." He sighed a little bit. "How about you? A  re you doing okay?" Jong smiled warmly at his fiance.

OMEGA:  "Ummmmmm" Boxer said as he started to sweat nervously as he look at As  modeus. He try to find away out of this before the things go "Sexually   Wrong". "I NEED TO US THE RESTROOM!" He shouted out nervously then ru  nning in the Bathroom.  Raincoat sigh as she wanted to have fun time with her best friend but  can't because of Asmodeus.

TOTALLY NOT DJ:  "Nah, it's fine." Ruka began, "This shit's actual combat armor I bough  t off Ebay so a little meat juice ain't gonna do much to it."  "Fuckin' A!" Flat Cap exclaimed, pumping his fist, "Which reminds me.  I got an idea for a new dildo." He sat in a chair next to VK as he spo  ke.

RYAN:  "I'm so sorry to hear about Bifocals. Is there anything I can do to he  lp?" Thigh High quietly asked. This the third disappearance, and she w  as getting a bit worried. However, before the dread could consume her  she spotted the couple before her.  Thigh High blinked.  She was laughing at Archer's attempts to hold Pauldron's hand that her   laugh became silent and she was rolling on the floor.  "His hands to small for his got dang boyfriend." She croaked out betwe  en breaths.  Pauldron rolled his eyes and began pulling Archer with him. Mostly to  escape Thigh High, partially to ensure Archer doesn't murder someone.  "An artist alley sounds great!."

SAIYAN:  Wristband chuckled at Asmo's decency assertion.  "Oh come on, I could give you some pointers on your technique if you w  anted" she said jokingly to him.  Bowtie could only give a reassuring smile and a pat on HP's back as he   seemed to start getting ahold of himself after what seemed like and e  ternity crying.  "How about we go look around at some of the booths that are here, huh?  " She suggested to HP.

KURP:  "Who the fuck just sells the Doom Marine's armor? Dude, good luck that   you'll live by the next weekend," Sukajan said, adjusting his cosplay  's scarf. He was an avid believer that the Doom Marine actually existe  d.  "Oh shut it!"  It was clear that Asmodeus was flustered. How dare this woman just say   that, in front of his anime merch booth!  "Anyways, at least let me have fun with this Boxer kid. I want to see  how long he'll last before he actually dumps me. After all, we never d  id break up. Wouldn't you like to know how terrible he is to say no?"  "I guess we could go out and look at stuff in the merch room, yeah," H  airpin said, getting up.  It was a good call that Pauldron decided to move on as Archer was actu  ally more than ready to maim a person for his hardships. He simply poi  nted as he was dragged away. He'll get his chance some other day. Righ  t now, the focus was Pauldron.  "Maybe we could find some nice things to take home! Though, my budget'  s limited for today..."

FUJOSHI:  As the convention fun continued, the small woman pattered around to fi  nd a muse. Entering the Dealers' room, she gasped softly as she spotte  d two pristine subjects: an elusive otter and a twink with the cutest  little feet she ever did see. She whipped out her notebook and began w  riting:

As a laugh escaped the young demon's supple lips, it sounded uncharacter istically cherubic. There was something so mesmerizing about the demon, even despite the fact that Flat Cap was an Angel. It was as if something came over him at that very moment... Diadem was undeniably adorable. "You know," The Angel said suddenly, turning toward the cosplay-clad dem on as if nothing he'd said previously mattered, "You're pretty cute in t hat dumb costume." Diadem blushed violently and covered his face with a squeek. How sudden this compliment came from this dashing stranger!

SAIYAN:  "I'm not saying you can't have fun with him, just don't suck him dry u  ntil he disintegrates" Wristband replied to Asmo as she folded her arm  s and leaned against one of the booths.  Bowtie grabbed HP and started walking towards some of the booths to ch  eck out some of the stuff that they were selling.  "Well, what do you think? See anything of interest?" she asked him.

COFFIN:  Vampire Collar rubbed his lower back. "I heard...I'm sorry sweetheart.  " He nuzzles him. "I'm fine dear no worries."  Virgin clapped her hands excitedly,"Ooo! I can't wait~!"  Mary realized that the adult he was clinging to indeed ment sex. He st  arted to eat his chicken nuggets, boy was stressed but fuck was Asmo g  ood transportation.  Virgin Killer blinked "uh..n..nani?"  Assless yeeted himself over to check on his sister.  Dzilla blinked and looked around. "Where is my grand child..?" She sta  rted to panic and search around.

TOTALLY NOT DJ:  "Pfft, I'll be fine. Especially since I got this bad boy along with th  e armor." Ruka said, pulling out a shotgun that looked just like the o  ne Doom Marine uses.  Flat Cap held his mouth after he said that. "Uhhhh....okay, that was f  uckin' weird." He said, confused about what just happened. Yeah, he'd  totally fuck Diadem if he could but he was a demon so why the fuck he  did just call him cute?

SOUP KITTY:  Diadem removed his hands from his face, and blinked slowly. He looked  over at Virg, and then back at Flat Cap with a concerned look on his f  ace. "What... was that..?" He cleared his throat. He looked nervous.

OMEGA:  Emperor Crown was still taking pictures because his Pride was taking o  ver him. The Demon Brothers were still trying to lure the Lost Soul ou  t with Fan-service of Brothers "Loving each other" though Fans of Oura  n were taking pictures and some going crazy over this.  Boxer then came out of the Bathroom slowly thinking that he got that a  ll out of his system.

BRIT:  Strappon felt terrible for not recognizing Luna and Sukajan to begin w  ith and cleared his throat.  "I'm so sorry. I guess I got a little lost in my thoughts." He apologi  zed, turning toward Ruka. He looked the costume up and down, "The armo  r is pretty wild, actually."  Blazer walked out of the bathroom behind Boxer and noticed he looked n  ervous.  "Hey, man. You alright?" They asked, "You're lookin pale."

SOUP KITTY:  Jong looked over at Boxer, a little bit concerned. "Baby? I'll be righ  t back.." He walked over to boxer to see what was wrong. "Hey, are you   doing okay?" Jong was clearly very concerned.  Pointe was still reading her mangas somewhere. Hoping that somehow, th  igh highs could pick up on her thought, which went something like "I k  now you guys are in lesbians with eachother."

RYAN:  Pauldron was about to brag about covering it himself, but then he reme  mbered that he had most of his money on lockdown ever since Cheeky ema  iled that Nigerian Prince and used everyone's info. Pauldron was regre  tting leaving Thigh High behind. She may be intolerable at times but,  she does have deep pockets.  "Mine is too... However, I'm sure we can combine what we've got to get   something nice!" He looked down at Archer and smiled,  "Though I'm sure the time we spend together will be more valuable!" He   said as he squeezed his hands.  "Ha gay!" Thigh High called from her spot on the ground. Pauldron's sh  oulders fell as he sighed. It was beginning to become very clear to Pa  uldron that Thigh High got her personality from his other partner and  not her mother.

OMEGA:  "Asmodeus is acting weird. Our Relationship was fake and stuff but he  still acting like he is my boyfriend." Boxer said to Blazer and Jong a  s he looks at them. "I want to have fun today and be a nerd..." Boxer  said as he look down feeling that this day was sour.

TOTALLY NOT DJ:  Vest was casually trying to sneak out a duffle bag full of Dark Souls,   Monster Hunter, World of Warcraft, and The Witch merch. Pay no attent  ion to this man.

SOUP KITTY:  Jong chuckled a bit and pat boxer on the back. "Maybe it was a little  more real than you thought?" Jong smiled.

YARANAIKA:  Having been reading mangas with Pointe, Yaranaika's eyes locked onto t  he pair that had become, clearly, an OTP.  Squealing in delight, hands   clapping together, the ghost thanks the Shipping Gods for their decis  ion to answer her prayers to give some juicy ship fun.  "This is exciting!  That was cute, cute, cute!"

KURP:  "Are you sure you should be encouraging that? I mean, that kid is an a  ngel." This simply confused Asmodeus. Is she going to watch over him o  r not, make up your mind.  It took him a bit to realize that he had a child in tow. He looked ove  r to where Mary was and blinked.  "Oh, well. Guess he's going to have questions later on."  Luna's face paled, taking the gun real quick as she painted a bright o  range tip on it.  "Sorry if you don't want this confiscated, it's gonna need that orange   tip."  Sukajan patted Strappon, "Don't sweat it, I'm guessing this is your fi  rst proper con experience?"  Hairpin tapped his chin as he looked around the dealer's room.  "It'd be nice if I could find something for Piggles," he said, "I know   Amulet wanted to buy her a new sweater but I doubt people are selling   anything small enough for her."  Archer could feel the heat on his face at the suggestion, "We could! I  'm sure we have enough for something that's of high quality. Or maybe  we could buy some nice stationary, that's always nice."  He was close to fainting as Pauldron went on if it weren't for his mig  hty need to rip his namesakes off to summon his bow.  "Yeah and what of it!" He called back to Thigh High.

FUJOSHI:  Fujoshi giggled wildly as she heard the interaction between the two an  d decided to turn it up a notch.

The squeel Diadem made was the cutest thing Flat Cap had ever heard! And look at that blush- he thought to himself- it only makes his boyish fac e look even cuter! He seemed to flustered. "Mr. Flat Cap, please. I'm a gentleman!" Diadem managed to sputter, batt ing his lashes in a flirtatious manner. His voice was soft and British a s usual. "If you intend to court me, do it correctly." "Correctly, huh? Then how about-" Flat Cap moved closer to Diadem and sw ept him backward in a dip! "A kiss?" A wind blew and Sakura petals scented the air sweetly as their moment wa s held for what seemed like ages in time, but was actually a few moments .

OMEGA:  "If it was real then i would be a Demon and i don't want to be a Demon  ." Boxer said as he look down. "I don't want to end up like my Father.  " He said as he was starting to feel more sour as he talked.

COFFIN:  Vampire Collar nodded, "Be careful love." He checked on his phone to s  ee what everyone else was doing, keeping an eye on the two.  Virgin Killer made a small noise and she raised a brow. "What in the d  ick suck...?" She smelled something fishy.  Assless crossed his arms and looked around. "I'm gonna check on the sp  ooks. Be back." He walked off to go check on Vampire after pecking Dia  dem's cheek.  Dzilla finds Mary on Asmodeus' leg and she sighs. He'd be okay.  The Tracer of the group made her way over to the other overwatch dweeb  s. Foxstole stretched. "Glad to see more people doing this game." She  looked at Luna.  Mary was nugget filled and embarrassed. His face was hidden in Asmo's  leg. He mumbled hello.

BRIT:  "Man, if he's making you uncomfortable, you have the authority to brea  k it off." Blazer explained, giving him a reassuring hand to the shoul  der, "You're not obligated to stay with him, 'specially if you feel li  ke he's using you. It's not healthy. Just tell him: 'I don't think we  should be together anymore.' You don't gotta explain yourself, bro."

SOUP KITTY:  Diadem snapped out of it and planted his feet on the ground making him  self stand up, the nervous look was one of fear now, as he had no idea   what had happened. He started muttering to himself, clearly terrified  . He stepped away from Flat Cap and stood behind Virg.  "What the h*ck   is happening?"  Jong gave boxer a reassuring no homo bro hug. "Just break it off then?  "  Pointe continued to be intrigued by her manga, way too invested in the   story to be paying attention to anything else.

OMEGA:  "But he knows it's all fake! We staged so he could help me get my job  back when he was Gogo!" Boxer said as he stand up and looked at Blazer  s. "Why are Demons drawn to me..." He said as he sat back down and loo  k down.

SOUP KITTY:  Jong rolled his eyes a little. "Just do it anyway. Things might seem o  ne way to you but they may not be like that to other people."

TOTALLY NOT DJ:  Ruka grimaced when Luna placed the orange tip on the gun. "Come on, it  's not like im actually gonna use it. Not yet, anyways." He said as a  smirk appeared on his face.  Flat Cap blinked a few times before coming to his senses as well and l  ooked at his hands. "Okay...I'm actually starting to get a little scar  ed now. And comin' from me, that's sayin' something."

SAIYAN:  "Look, do you want to smash or not?" Wristband said with a glare at As  mo.  Meanwhile Bowtie looked at HP with a raised eyebrow.  "Who the heck is Piggles?" she asked him

COFFIN:  Mary Janes straight up faints. Wasted.  Virgin Killer scoops up Diadem and she chancla glares at Flatcap. "Lip  s off my twink mr."  Assless Chaps and Vampire Collar were watching things, well mostly Vam  pire. Assless was patrolling around him.  Dzilla was trying to get S.U merch for her boy.

BRIT:  "This is Lady Piggles, you uncultured fop." Came Amulet's voice as he  strolled in with a stroller. It contained one (1) tiny piglet in a beh  emoth costume, "And you will address her as such."  "Buddy, just dump the fuck." Blazer pushed a bit, "He seduced Cowlneck  , too, remember? Cowl hasn't spoken a positive word to Asmodeus since  then. Usually he's a catty bitch, but he knows he was wronged, and you   do, too."  They sighed and shook their head.  "And Demons are drawn to you because you fall for it. Some of us are j  ust way too susceptible to their temptations. You wear your sins on yo  ur sleeve a bit." They explained.

FUJOSHI:  The little lady gasped as Virgin Killer scooped Diadem up. She had to  fix this, and quick! She sat on the floor and really let her notebook  have it:

"Hey, Virgin! What's going on?" Diadem asked the tall, scantilly clad la dy with rage in his eyes, "This absolute stud is trying to give me the b est romance of my life!" "I can't keep this going, I know you two are terrible for each other! Wh at about me? I thought we were a thing!" Virgin Killed wept, holding Dia dem crushingly close to her. She seemed so angry about this- the injusti ce was too much for her, but she didn't realize how she was coming betwe en such a beautiful relationship! ((Just like a dumb baka girl to come between two kawaii boys having a re lationship, said Fujoshi as she wrote feverishly)) Flat Cap acted immediately and swept Diadem out of Virgin Killer's obvio usly weak grip. "Don't worry, Di. I'll keep you safe." He said, holding the boy close. D iadem looked like he was going to cry!

OMEGA:  "Alright, Jong and Blazer. Thank you." Boxer said as he hugs the two g  iving them the most strongest hug ever.

TOTALLY NOT DJ:  Flat Cap shook his head and noticed Diadem in his arms once again. He  quickly pushed away, though not hard enough as to knock him over. "OOo  ookay!!! Yeah yeah yeah something's really wrong and I dont like it! I  ....fuck, I need to use the restroom." With said, he quickly made his  way to the nearest bathroom to wash his face. "What the fuckin' hell..  .?" He muttered to himself.

COFFIN:  Virgin Killer blinks and nearly summons her weapon. "Hold the mother f  ucking phone and put it on vibrate, what the fuck!?" Bob yeeted himsel  f out of her cleavage and he stuck a sucker to Diadem's face. "Okay no  w this shits definitely a good damn ghost. I can feel it in my cooch."

 Assless Chaps rushed over to his sister and he hugged Diadem. "Sweet l  orrrd..I leave forrre two minutes..arrre you okay?" Assless looked dow  n and squished Diadem's cheeks.  Vampire Collar quickly moved to Jong and took his hand. "I feel like s  omething might be up."

SOUP KITTY:  And he did start crying. Tears started streaming down his cheeks as he   was pushed away, clearly more confused now than ever. He had bumped r  ight into to Virgin. "I'm so sorry I don't know what's happening a-and  .." he couldn't finish his words now. He was too confused. He came out   here to have a good time and he was honestly feeling so attacked righ  t now. This boy was sensitive beyond belief. Rest in peace Diadem.  Jong wiggled out of the hug "Dude careful, I have buns in the oven." h  e then looked at vamp "Hmm?"

KURP:  Luna looked at Ruka with an exasperated expression. She didn't even wa  nt to know. She instead turned around to see Foxstole, smiling as the  other angel approached her.  "Hey, that's a pretty nice Tracer cosplay you got going on!"  "I do!" Asmodeus began, "But I'm concerned over the fact that you're m  aking an exception, is all. Unless the kid is truly that bad..."  Upon seeing the piglet, Hairpin began to make small kissy noises at it   as he grabbed the piglet and held it in his arms.  "And she's the fairest Lady in the convention. Aren't you?"

SAIYAN:  Bowtie's eyes lit up as she saw the adorable little piglet in a stroll  er. She never really had felt like the way she did when seeing a cute  cat or dog when she saw a pig before but her she was fawning over one.  "Awww! Isn't she adorable?! I didn't know you guys had a pig! How long   have you had her?" she asked, completely ignoring Amulet's orders to  call her by a certain title.  Wristband laughed at Asmo's comment.  "You don't know the half of it" she replied.

OMEGA:  "Oh Sorry, I just like hugging people." Boxer said with a smile as he  feeling better.  Raincoat was watching the Weird Fanfic happening.

COFFIN:  Dzilla  Usain Bolted over to Asmodeus and she scooped up Mary Janes. "  Um what exactly happened and why is he out cold??"  Vampire Collar looked down at Boxer and he cleared his throat a tad. "  I feel like something's going on. I have no clue what but if this is l  ike last year I suggest we keep our guards up." Dadpire has arrived.  Virgin and Assless hug Diadem and they start to purr, trying to calm h  im. "It's okay sweetie." They said in unison.

KURP:  Asmodeus got closer to Wristband, "Do tell. I wasn't really paying att  ention to him under aliases. Had to play the part of some catty actor  and all."  He was caught off guard by Dzilla's entrance and shrugged.  "Guess the kiddie heard things he wasn't supposed to because I didn't  even know he was around until it was too late."

BRIT:  Blazer very well dangled in Boxer's grip, adjusting the sword on their   back to avoid hurting the boy holding him.  "Yer welcome." They said through a smooshed face.  Amulet crossed his arms and rolled his eyes as Bowtie fawned over his  little piglet.

KURP:  "We've had her for a few years now. I'm sure we've had her for at leas  t three years," Hairpin said, "Amulet gifted her to me but truth is, h  e fell smitten with her first."

TOTALLY NOT DJ:  Wanting to explore the con some more and maybe get some merch, if Vest   hasn't stolen already, Ruka walked off and took off the orange tip fr  om the shotgun cause fuck Luna. He eventually ran into Tank Top and Dr  ess Shirt doing some gay shit in front of a bunch of fangirls. "What t  he flying fuck are you sons of bitches doing?" He asked as he approach  ed the brothers.

SAIYAN:  Bowtie was surprised to hear how old the pig was. She thought it was s  till a baby, but it turned out that she was actually much older than t  hat.  "Wow, I didn't think she was that old. I thought she was still a littl  e piglet." She replied to HP.  Meanwhile, Wristband rubbed her temples, thinking of Boxer and his ant  ics that he's pulled in the past.  "Jeez, where do I begin? The dude's been a hassle from day one. He eve  n managed to punch a Seraph in the face. That was pretty amusing to wa  tch. So no one would object to something bad happening to him. It woul  d be karma for sure." Wristband explained.

COFFIN:  Dzilla nodded,"Yeah makes sense." She took him off to go get the print  s signed. Was he limp on her shoulder? Yeah.

YARANAIKA:  It took some time but Yaranaika stood, waving happily at Pointe after  returning her manga.  "I have to go!"  She placed her hands on the girl's face and skipped o  ff.  Unseen to her and probably to Pointe as well, a small tendril of  ghostly energy attached to Pointe's cheek and sank into the skin.  Aft  er she skipped away she began to look for others.  Eyes swirling in he  r joy, she saw her new goal.  Hot Pants and Duster may have been expecting a fun day but she could t  ell this OTP would be amazing!  It just wasn't... sugoi enough.  Yeah!  She clapped her hands together in devious glee as her pigtails almost  looked to be curling.  Skipping over, she giggled in what she deemed t  o be a cute manner but was truly just... mad.  Insane, really.  Like a   Hime laugh.  "Your cosplays are so sugoi!!  Where'd you get 'em?!"

RYAN:  Shaking herself out of her stupor, Thigh High stood up as she was call  ed out by Archer Gloves.  "You're both hella old and yet, you're acting like you're highschool c  rushes it's honestly kinda pathet-"  "Your father told me about your date with Pumps and Luna." Pauldron cu  t in, he's maybe a healer but.....  "And I'm the only reason he hasn't told anyone... Though I don't belie  ve I should be trying to protect you when you're clearly okay with air  ing other people's business."  "No papa." Thigh High dropped her accusatory pointed finger and shook  her fist at the sky. How could you father? Not even the McCree Voice R  eel was enough to shut him up, she should have known that. Hanging her   head in defeat.  "Fine, but don't expect me to part the sea of weebs for you anytime so  on!"

SOPHIE:  Ruffles was making her way down town, walking fast, faces past on the  way to a shitshow. BA DA DA DA DA DA.. DA DA DA DA. After abruptly clo  sing shop upon hearing this con had full sets of the Pokemon mangos, s  he was ready to blow hard earned money on stuff that had already been  uploaded illegally online, that she had red about 4 times prior. She s  lipped through the crowds, and for once nobody seemed to question why  she dressed like a 10 year old from a video game.  She scanned through the seating area in the front of the con and locat  ed her target. Her eyes glint red as a grin swept over her face. Money   in hand, the 23 year old raced over to Pointe. "HI SO-" She started,  jumping in place. "THE MANGAS?" She finished.

OMEGA:  "What is happening with Mr. Banjo?" Boxer ask as he looked over at Fla  tcap and Diadem who were acting weird.  All other character are busy. Maybe. I have to much characters.

SOUP KITTY:  Pointe looked at the girl who had just touched her face, and then over   at Ruffles "oh here-" she said, handing over the full sets she had pi  cked up. She smiled.  Jong was pretty much heart eye emojis for vamp right now. He loved his   Dadpire.  Diadem had calmed down a little. What a horrifying experience that was  . Truly one he'll remember for years.

KURP:  "The Seraph in question?," He inquired, "If it's Dermal, then the guy  deserves it too."  "Yeah. I'm unsure of why she retained this size, but I'm guessing she  must be a different type of micro pig," Hairpin said, setting Piggles  back down on her little stroller.  Archer huffed as he tugged on his namesakes, straightening them out, "  I'm sure yelling has the same effect to get them out of the way," he s  aid.  Hot Pants blinked as some girl suddenly approached them. He was strugg  ling to keep the alpacas within his grip, adjusting himself as he trie  d to find words.  "Uuuuh, we had them custom made by a friend," he said.

SOPHIE:  Ruffles blinked, holding out AT LEAST two hundred dollars in cash. _"W  ill this cover the fees, my fair lady?"_ She uttered, in the very most   seriously serious tone. After all, it was a convention. Shits pricey  there m'dude.

FUJOSHI:  Fujoshi was stunned. These two were not as kawaii as she had first hop  ed. Giving up on this current fandom, she stood and pattered off to fi  nd another possible ship she could write about. Life was too short to  write about a sunken ship.

OMEGA:  "We are trying to lure the Lost Soul out." Dress Shirt said as he look  ed at Ruka. "This wasn't my idea but my Brothers idea. He is fucking B  i after all." Tank Top said as he looked at Ruka too. "So, what the fu  cking is going on with your friend?" He ask as he points over to Flatc  ap.

SOUP KITTY:  Pointe nodded "that should cover it." In reality, pointe had dished ou  t a lot more than that for one set. But she wasn't about to break some  one's dreams like this.

SOPHIE:  Ruffles blinked, glossing over what books were included, she was shock  ed. "Wait-are you sure? Dude this stuff goes for loooaaads more online  , especially if it's collectors edition-" She blinked, taking a seat n  ext to Pointe. She opened her purse and began shoveling out quite a lo  t of 20 dollar bills.  "Honestly just tell me when" She stated, as if the money was water and   the space she was placing the money was a glass, being filled at a re  sturaunt.

BRIT:  Duster snagged a few alpacas away from Hot Pants to keep them from fal  ling over. He turned and quirked a brow at the young woman. She had th  e chaotic air about her... Like one of the Silver Elite. It made visib  ly uncomfortable, but he had to be courteous.  "A few touchups were made by professionals, but my brother helped us m  ake them. Thank you for the... Compliment." He said, moving the cape a   little bit. He wondered if he should cheese the Vaati charm he'd lear  ned about, but he didn't want to get caught up in all this. That was m  ore a Cowlneck thing.

SOUP KITTY:  "holy shit you're good its okay" Pointe just stared wide eyed at the n  ew stack of $20s on her hand. She was mildly shook. A light shookening  .

TOTALLY NOT DJ:  Ruka looked over at Flat Cap as he walked into the bathroom. "Okay fir  st off," he began, turning back to the brothers, "That fucker ain't my   friend. Second of all: How the fuck should I know? And third of all:  What kind of ghost would be attracted by this degenerate shit?" He the  n remembered the incident with Jackalube a while back, "Actually, dont   answer that."  Flat Cap, meanwhile, started washing his face.

OSCAR:  As Gloves and Sapphire was done with their delicious ice cream, they g  o on a walk through the con and look at the different booths.  Meanwhile, Dress Socks and G-Strings was getting a little tired from w  alking and rest on the brown bench. "Man," Dress Socks said. "There's  lots of people in here and it's hard to find the Lost Soul. It's like  finding a Lost Soul in a Hay Stack!" He shouted.  "I know," G-Strings said. "But we need to be patient. Sooner or later,   that Lost Soul will be found. For now, I need to rest."  Dress Socks nod and now watch other Cosplay pass by them.

COFFIN:  Dadpire held Jong close to his hip and he pecked the top of his head.  "Nothing is happening to my husband to be."  Foxstole sat near a booth on her phone, she was bored and people were  loud.  Virgin Killer sighed and she coated her baby carrot boy in kisses.  Assless Chaps sighs,"I'll get you some waterrr." He walked off and bum  ped into Ruka before losing his balance in his heels and falling on to  p of him. "Holy fuck.." He looked down at Ruka. "Oh. Grrreat."

SOPHIE:  Ruffles stopped mid-pouring cash into a minor's hands and blinked.

LAST TIME ON DCM: Doki Doki Con was underway and Angels had been so graciously invited to this year's convention, taking advantage of this as a time to relax and have fun from their busy work schedules. Demons, on the other hand, had been instructed to keep an eye out for a potential Lost Soul but they we re having poor luck in trying to draw it out...for the most part. Abbey-goers, that included both Demons and Angels, began experiencing we ird events where they acted out shitty fic scenes that were probably wri tten by some middle school kid that barely discovered yaoi. Will it be all sakura petals and fun times or turn into something more s inister? Hopefully neither.

SOPHIE:  Ruffles is queer and here.

BRIT:  Strappon had found himself someplace to be with Luna Circlet and Sukaj  an.  Blazer had recovered from the bearhug and went to seek out some of the  ir fellow cosplayers, trying to keep a lookout for odd activity that w  asn't being caused by Asmodeus.

OMEGA:  Boxer head back to re-join Raincoat to continue their convention fun.  Emperor Crown got done taking pictures and join up with Father Crucifi  x.  Tank Top and Dress Shirt stop with their "Brother Love" and started to   search for the Ghost.

TOTALLY NOT DJ:  Ruka dropped his shotgun as Assless bumped and feel on top of him. He  shook his head and looked up at Assless before furrowing his brow. "Ge  t the fuck of me!" He exclaimed, pushing the Hex Boy off.  Flat Cap finally emerged from the bathroom, a large cloud of smoke exi  ting the door as he opened. Motherfucker was smoking weed again.  Helmet finally arrived at the Con, waddling through the entrance in hi  s ham costume that smelled of stinky meat.

KURP:  It was clear to Hot Pants that Duster wasn't feeling like humoring a r  andom patron of the con and nudged him.  "Uh, thank you for the compliments, but we gotta go take care of a few   things right now. Our hands are kind of full, ya know?"  Near the entrace of the con, a  new face was being bombarded by enthus  iastic children, cosplayers, and cosplay enthusiasts alike. Speedo hea  rd about a potential Lost Soul from the work email but he wasn't expec  ting it to be this pact at the convention. He was actually regretting  not making a disguise for the occasion as he could barely move a foot  without being stopped for a photo or two. Oh bother.  Asmodeus spotted Boxer and approached him with open arms, ready to giv  e him a hug.  "Boxxy!" He cooed, "Sweetie. Was your stomach hurting? You certainly t  ook a bit over there. I hope everything's okay."  Luna was busying herself with making quick adjustments to Sukajan's co  splay, eventually moving on to fixing Strappon's shirt as well. Not so   much that Strappon needed it, but it was a force of habit at this poi  nt.  Sukajan looked around, sitting down for a bit in silence before jumpin  g up on his feet.  "We should probably go look for others, see how they're doing and all.   Something doesn't feel right..."

COFFIN:  Mary Janes woke up covered in Steven universe plushies and he nearly f  ainted again. He got up and climbed onto his nana. "THANK YOU THANK YO  U THANK YOU!" Mary screeched as he kissed Dzilla's cheeks.  Dzilla started to chuckle and she pecked his forehead. "Never a proble  m Mary."  Assless Chaps grunted when his ass hit the floor. He rolled his eyes a  nd he got up, dusting himself off. "Was planning on it dick munch."  Foxstole was taking a smoke break.

OWLIE:  "Um, hello guys!" Polo said, smiling and waving at some of the angels  as they approached. He was wearing his Blue Diamond costume and he loo  ked pretty proud about it.  In fact, every member of the Buttondown household was wearing Steven U  niverse-themed costumes. Monocle strutted in his Yellow Diamond costum  e, (Those boots made him feel tall and powerful) and Sneakers in a Rub  y costume followed closely, he was looking around, looking for his boy  friend.  Henley Shirt, dressed as Pink Diamond, was pulling a wagon, in the wag  on was Cardigan, cosplaying as White Diamond, Her headpiece was glowin  g like a lamp and she remained in a single pose while Henley dragged h  er along.

SOUP KITTY:  Jong scrolled through his phone for a bit before looking back up. Noth  ing seemed out of the ordinary yet but if his Dadpire was concerned th  en he would be alert.  Pointe shoved the cash into her wallet and cried internally. She could   get more anime figures now. She would like to not only thank God but  also the Goddess for this newfound fortune.  Diadem regained his composure. He definitely looked like he had been c  rying. Why was he like this. This whole thing was definitely cause for   concern though. "Hey, I'm gonna go meet up with Jong. That was way to  o weird." And with that, the twink was on his way. Blessed be his twin  k nubs, which so quickly carried him all the way to where Jong was. He   promptly let him know what had just happened.  "I'm gonna text Virg and Assless to meet us here. I dont want things t  o get too out of hand and have us all be split up."  Diadem simply nodded at this and stood next to Jong and Vamp, with his   arms crossed. Boy oh boy did he wanna go home.

OMEGA:  Boxer gulps and gives Asmodeus a gentle hug. "My stomach is fine just  need to take a number two, hehe." Boxer chuckles nervously as he looks   at Asmodeus. He would tell Asmodeus something later but not right now  .

EMI:  Mong was spending a lot of time showing off in his cute costume. It wa  s a perfect opportunity to binge, that's for sure, but the uh... Viril  ity of a lot of the men around here was questionable, at the very leas  t. Thankfully there were plenty of berzerkers around.  Why was he there again? Oh, right. Lost Soul or something. He was sure   he would find it by doing his usual duties anyway.

COFFIN:  Mary Janes boyfriend senses tingled and he steered his grandmother ove  r to the diamond authority. He hopped off of the giant woman and he hu  gged Sneakers. "Sneakie!!" Dzilla simply waved to the adults of the gr  oup.  Vampire Collar sent a text to Assless Chaps and he exhaled. He took hi  s sippy cup out of his hair and he started to chug it. He was indeed a   nervous drinker. "I sent Assless a text he should be over soon if he  sees it."  Virgin Killer made her way over to the two Hex boys and her Dexter. "H  ey kiddies. Anyone else getting the feeling some shit might be up?"

TOTALLY NOT DJ:  "Try to watch where you're fucking going next time, leech." Ruka said  as he got up and grabbed the shotgun before walking off. After passing   some booths, he noticed a man in an admittedly really good shark man  cosplay and approached him after a group of people were done taking ph  otos of him. "Gotta say, man. You're killing it with that shark man ge  tup."  Helmet wandered through the con like an idiot, amazed by all the booth  s and merch before noticing Strappon with Luna and Sukajan. "Brother S  trappon, Ser Sukajan, Madam Luna!" He exclaimed, waddling towards the  trio. "What doth thou all thinketh of my cosplay?"

OWLIE:  "This is fucking pointless," Circlet said in distaste as she looked do  wn at her costume, she was cosplaying as Allura from Voltron. She and  Pocket Watch (dressed as HIM from the Power Puff Girls) are walking ar  ound, looking for their comrades.  "Nonsense, Circe" Pocket Watch chuckled as he stopped and took some se  lfies with some cosplayers. He turned to her and grinned, let's just h  ave some fun while doing our job, okay?"  "Mary!" Sneakers said as he ran to catch the bean in a tight embrace.  "Wow... You look pretty"  "/Hello Starlight/~" Cardigan said, still remaining in character, blin  king at Mary Janes and gave him an eerie smile.

KURP:  "Do you want me to give you a few kisses to make you feel better anywa  ys?" Asmodeus asked, once again embracing Boxer, playing with his hair  .  "By the way, my offer still stands. Ever want anything from here, I ca  n get it for you."  "There are some right now," Luna said, pointing over to Polo's little  group. "Hi guys!" She called out, waving to them, "Your outfits are al  l nice, glad you could make it."

SOPHIE:  Ruffles was sitting next to Pointe, after making the young girl consid  erably more wealthy.  She had a gameboy in her hands and it was clear  she had some business to finish. Flipping open the lid on the device,  you could hear very distinct bells followed by what sounded like highl  y bit-compressed trumpets. It was then it became clear that the girl w  as trying to catch the legendary in her game, but not with a master ba  ll. No.  Her eyes had bags under them from the pure repetition she had to endur  e to try and catch a legendary whale in a simple pokeball. She'd spent   hours resetting her game and trying again and again. Her friends sugg  ested she just use a masterball, but no, it wasn't that simple. The ma  sterball was ugly. Who'd use that. Not Ruffles.

COFFIN:  "Trrry to be less of a chode next time." Assless spat before checking  his phone. He looked at his texts and he made his way to complete the  Hexes.  Mary's face paint covered his blush but he was certainly warming up. "  Y-y-you look pretty t-too." He smiled at Cardigan and he waved. "Hiya  White!"

OMEGA:  "You!" Emperor Crown said as he walks over to Henley Shirt. He looked  at him and started to chuckle. "It looks a i don't have to do anything   because you're ridiculous costume has done it for me!" Emperor Crown  laugh as he was being a asshole.  "Polo and Mono good to see you here. Also, great costumes." Father Cru  cifix said as he approach to them with a smile.  "Ummm not at the moment. I just want to have a fun day and be a Nerd."   Boxer said with a nervous smile as he looks at Asmodeus.  Raincoat was looking at the Art of Aqua from Kingdom Hearts.

TOTALLY NOT DJ:  Vest soon came back to the Con after shoving the bag of stolen merch i  n his truck and was now in his Sly Cooper cosplay rather than the Hann  ibal Lecter one Flat Cap forced on him. He looked around for more stuf  f to steal, he noticed PW and Circlet, more specifically PW. "Hey, Poc  ket Watch!" He called out as he approached them, "I love you Him costu  me! Oh, and your costume looks good too, Circlet."

OSCAR:  While walking at different booths, Gloves and Sapphire was looking at  different materials from the stands. Most of them contain some shirts  of different cartoon shows they've watch and some of them was differen  t anime that they never watch. While looking, Sapphire got a glimpse o  f an item that she look at and it was a Poké Ball. She forgot that her   cosplay doesn't contain a Poké Ball and plans on buying it. Luckily,  it was only five dollars to pay for a ball and she pays for it for her  self.  Gloves was with her getting a Poké Ball and he was getting few attenti  ons form other cosplayers. As such, they let them get a picture of him   and wave while saying, "Lucario!"  Meanwhile, Dress Socks and G-Strings was sitting on a brown bench sinc  e they walk for so long, but now they got up and continues to search f  or the Lost Soul again.

SOPHIE:  As Ruffles became more and more agitated by her game, one of the "mock  " pokeballs on her belt fell loose. As it hit the ground, the contents   inside popped out.

OWLIE:  "Thank you, Miss Luna," Polo said, grinning slightly. "Me and Monocle  worked hard to make the costumes, I'm glad it looks good"  "/Hello Starlight/" Cardigan said once again. Henley rolled his eyes,  but then his head turned at the direction of EC's voice. He gritted hi  s teeth. "Piss off, fucker, I'm not in the mood to talk to you, so get   out of my face or you'll get another round of ass kicking"  "No fighting" Monocle said strictly, his heels clacking against the ti  led floor as he approached the two. "Try to stay away as far from each   other, will you?  "Thank you, dear vest~" PW said, smiling widely. Circlet returned the  greeting with a simple wave.

OMEGA:  "My My My what rude little tongue you have." EC said as he was about s  ummon his weapon but was stopped by Mono with said "No Fighting". "Wha  tever, my revenge is complete thanks to your costume." He chuckles as  he looks at him. He was being like a asshole which he was.  Tank Top and Dress Shirt keep their eyes out for the Lost Soul.

SOUP KITTY:  As the pokeball opened, it wasn't a figure that popped out. Instead it   was a girl. An angry one. This particular girl looked like a very dis  gruntled Pikachu. Her eyes darted around the room. She wasn't in Kansa  s anymore. Kansas being the woods where she last remembered being. She   felt her eye twitch. /he/ was close by. Yes. ___He.___  Across the convention, a chill ran down Diadem's spine. "Pinafore is h  ere." He muttered. Now wanting to leave more than before.  Less importantly, Purity Ring had just shown up as Bombshell Wonder Wo  man. She kept getting pulled aside for pictures.  Pointe's jaw dropped at the sight of pinafore freshly out of her pokeb  all. "What the fuck" was all that she could manage to say. What the fu  ck indeed.  Jong just looked at Diadem. He blinked. "What. Isn't she like, in a ga  rbage can somewhere?"

SOPHIE:  Ruffles held Pinafore back by the collar of her shirt, slipping her fi  nger under it and hooking it around. "Hey, bad, we talked about this."   She muttered, searching through her bag. She reached in and pulled ou  t a Pikachu headband and fixed it on the girl's head. It was as if she   had a trainer's bond with her pokemon. Which was strange because this   wasn't a pokemon but instead a raging psychopath hellbent on getting  the love of her life in a Princess Lea costume in a dungeon.  But regardless, she turned to address Pointe's simple, and understanda  ble response. Still holding Pinafore back by the collar of her shirt,  Ruffles simply replied "She uh. Well, she broke into my house a while  back and I hucked this ball at her and it worked so. Yeah. Frankly I'm   rolling with the insanity."

BRIT:  Duster nodded at Hots' suggestion and made a break for the door with q  uick feet. No thanks, no fangirl today. After unloading their merch in  to his car, they made their way back into the con at a different entra  nce.  "I don't want to encounter her again." He said to Hot Pants, after bei  ng pulled aside by a few people for pictures. "I'd rather not deal wit  h the rabid types."  Blazer stared Asmodeus down for a good couple of seconds before approa  ching the group and giving Asmo a rough pat to the back.  "Listen, sugar daddy. Back off a bit. He's clearly crawlin in his skin  ." They said.

SOUP KITTY:  Pinafore made a pouty face. To a stranger, this would seem very very c  ute. She looked at Ruffles "Its not like i can be more than five feet  away from you anyway." She sighed, and opened her locket. It was a pic  ture of Diadem, her true love. Sure she had other loves, but, Diadem?  He was her first. Her first love that is. She started giggling quietly  , which quite frankly, was a bit unsettling the more it went on. And i  t went on for a /while./

COFFIN:  Virgin Killer heard Pinafore and she gripped the sweater in her bag. "  I don't know how Pg a beheading is but she's gonna need more than pare  ntal guidance after I'm done." She fumed.

 Assless Chaps licked his sisters cheek,"Calm down. We should be fine.  She's on bitch watch. We have biggerrr fish to frrrry."  Mary Janes was hugging his boy, showing him all the toys Dzilla had go  t him.  Foxstole stretched and walked over to Pinafore, "You good?" The Tracer   cosplayed rose a brow.

KURP:  Luna sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. Not only was a familiar  face, that she didn't like, there but now the despot of the Abbey as w  ell.  "Listen," she began, getting up and putting herself in between Henley  and Emperor Crown, "We're all here to have a good time. If you're here   to pick fights, then kindly leave this place."  Hot Pants nodded as he posed with Duster while taking pictures, "Somet  hing felt more off about that particular girl, but that could just be  me. You wanna go back and snag more merch?"  Clearly he was ready to blow out his monthly funds.  A small chuckle came out of Asmodeus as he turned around to Blazer, st  ill playing with Boxer's hair.  "What, I'm only fulfilling my role of being a good /boyfriend/. Now, i  f he doesn't want me to be that, /he/ needs to tell me, otherwise I'm  staying where I am. I want to hear it from him, only then I'll stop."

SOPHIE:  Ruffles simply pulled out a spritz bottle and sprayed the maniac. "Bad  . Stop it." She stated, holding the bottle sideways, as if it were a g  un in an edgy Hollywood movie. Even though holding guns sideways is ve  ry inefficient, and the same could be said about a spritz bottle, as g  ravity is not on your side.

TOTALLY NOT DJ:  Helmet slipped a banana peel and mcfucking fell on his back. He tried  to get up but his ham costume made his arms and legs like little nubs  so all he could do was roll around in a circle.  "So, is there any specific you guys are looking for here? I can go get   it if you want." Vest said, as his fake raccoon tail somehow waged wi  th excitement. Listen, this con had lots of stuff he could steal but h  e just didn't know to what to get next after that big haul earlier.  Flat Cap scared a guy in a Courage the Cowardly Dog costume with a big   green spooky mask, just like in the show.

KURP:  "Huh?"  Said shark man turned around to Ruka, trying to process the person tha  t was speaking to him and then looked at himself. He quirked a brow in   confusion.  "Uuuh, thanks I guess? This isn't really a getup. This is how I look,"   he said simply, "Your costume is nice too?"  Sukajan sighed as discourse almost immediately started up before he lo  oked over to the source of a foul smell. Of course, it was Helmet, cov  ered in rotting meat. He saw the man roll around and honestly? He wasn  't really going to help.

OMEGA:  "Fine, besides a Emperor doesn't need to waste his time with fools." E  mperor Crown said as he looks at Henley Shirt then walks over to fans  of the Fate Series. He started to take pictures with them.  Boxer went quiet.  Raincoat is almost done shopping.

HITA:  There was a twitch as VF smelled something tasty.  Following its nose  after politely waving to its superiors, the demon wandered towards a l  arge crowd.  Okay, so the tasty smell was kind of rank but that was fi  ne.  It was hungry, damn it.  It hadn't eaten lunch yet and the though  t of hunting a cult had its stomach rumbling.  Turning its head, it lo  oked over at Helmet and licked its lips a bit.  There it was again!  Hair twisting behind her, Brooch spun in place an  d took a determined stride back to the large group she'd left.  This f  eeling of dread twisting her up had to be nefarious!  How dare this vi  llain she sensed be invisible to her justice seeking gaze?!  So focuse  d she was, she walked right by a creepily smiling Sailor Moon cosplaye  r without noticing her hair curling in disgust.

YARANAIKA:  Yaranaika's eyes twinkled merrily as she viewed those around her.  Wha  t pretty people!  Her eyes locked onto Emperor Crown.  What a big man!    He clearly needed love!  And affection!  Rubbing her hands together  in glee, she began to skip merrily to the man, a pigtail wrapping coyl  y around his leg.  "Hello!  I love your cosplay!!"

FUJOSHI:  The tiny terror found her way to a larger group of cosplayers and near  ly squealed when she saw such a dashing white demon walking around. He   was so handsome! Now, who would he be perfect with?  She scanned the group and settled her bespectacled eyes on the yellow  lady.  She was clearly in a bad mood- she should gift her with this ha  ndsome man!

Yellow Diamond was so done with this crowd! To lower herself to such a l evel and keep company with such fools- even if the beautiful Blue Diamon d was accompanying her. How she wished she could find some company worth y of her presence. The White Demon Prince had caught her eyes, his aqua hair that flowed li ke a waterfall down his back, and those large horns... He was so beautif ul- the most beautiful specimen of another species she had ever seen. The demon turned to face the lovely lemon beauty with interest, catching her eyes with his own cerulean orbs. He threw her a charming smirk to m ake her feel welcome, and it caused her to feel her face flush.

KURP:  Asmodeus snapped out of his near trance-like state, looking around his   surroundings confused. When and how did he get where he was, he remem  bered that he was next to Boxer and Blazer.  "What...Uh..."

OWLIE:  "What the hell...?" Monocle shook his head and locked eyes with Polo,  what is happening to him?  "Are you okay?" Polo asked him. Monocle shrugged, he felt like someone   just assumed his gender, and why the hell is his face red?

TOTALLY NOT DJ:  "Wait, for real?" Ruka asked, taking off his helmet, revealing his dem  on visage, and looked up and down at the shark man. "Oh, you must be o  ne of those siren fucks, like Minishit."

KURP:  Asmodeus squinted at the cosplay group before him. Especially those as   Diamonds.  "My, uh. The Diaminds certainly got smaller than what I remembered....  "  "Mini-who?"  Speedo tilted his head as he spoke, tapping his chin pensively.  "But yes, I'm a Siren. Berzerker-Siren, rather..."

OMEGA:  "Are you okay, Asmodeus?" Boxer ask as he looked at him a little confu  se on what happen.

OWLIE:  Monocle kept looking at the towering (understatement of the year) demo  n before him. Polo began to get concerned over his fiance.

OMEGA:  "Why thank you! Someone finally realize my beauty and grace!" EC said  with a smile filled with pride. He loved when people compliment him. "  But please continue to praise me for i am your Emperor! I come from a  Bloodline of Kings!" He said as he getting some of his sin out.

BRIT:  Duster looked down at the rolling ham in front of him with pity.  "Hots, I think we should help him." He said in a sort of detached tone  .  Blazer watched as Asmodeus vaporized in front of them. Right in front  of their salad. How rude. They blinked.  "Uh. What." They said, looking at Boxer with a perplexed expression, "  Asmo just disappeared."

OMEGA:  "How did that happen?" Boxer ask as he looked at Blazer with confusion  .

TOTALLY NOT DJ:  "Hmmm, you're not inbred, are you?" Ruka asked, raising an eyebrow.  "Keep rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling WHAT?! Keep rolling, rolling,   rolling, rolling!" Helmet sang as he continued to roll.

COFFIN:  Mary Janes watched everything going on and he nibbled a nugget. "The m  itochondria is the powerhouse of the cell."

FUJOSHI:  The giggling once again ensued at their confused expressions and Fujos  hi began to write more:

"Who are you...?" Yellow Diamond asked with a demanding tone. It seemed to waver as the domineering white Prince walked up to her in long stride s. "I should ask you the same question, beautiful. Your eyes shine like dia monds, as does your glistening golden flesh." He spoke, taking her hand and kissing it gently with his plump lips. "Thanks." She spoke, covering one of her cheeks with her hand, "I am mad e of them."

KURP:  Hot Pants made a face as he looked down at Helmet, cringing as the man   sang.  "I think he's fine, babe..."  Speedo's eyes widened with shock and disgust, staring daggers into Ruk  a for such a ridiculous question.  "No," he said simply.  As soon as Asmodeus snapped out of it again, he nearly began crying.  "What the fuck!" He yelled, "Whoever's doing that better stop before I   find you!"

OWLIE:  "EXCUSE ME?" Polo said, he was clearly shooketh, he moved in front of  Monocle and stared daggers at Asmodeus, "He's mine, buddy, back off"  "Ooh, drama~" Cardigan said, finally breaking character as she took he  r phone out and hit record.

KURP:  "Oh don't flatter yourself!" Asmodeus began, "Your guy's cute but he's   too broke for my tastes."  "Asmodeus!" Luna harped, "Don't be rude!"  "What? It's true!" He said.

OSCAR:  As Gloves and Sapphire continues to walk, they spotted Helmet from afa  r and seeing him rolling on the floor wearing a ham suit. They don't k  now why he choose that cosplay but if Gloves remember correctly, this  boy love hams, like, a lot. Plus, it's a little sad to see him rolling   around over and over. So Gloves ask Sapphire to take off his Lucario  paws and walk over to him to help him up.  "Hey there Helmet." Gloves said, looking down. "Let me give you a hand  ." He reach out his right hand to him.

TOTALLY NOT DJ:  "Okay, good. Means you're not as much of a freak as him." Ruka said th  en put the helmet back on. "So, have you had any luck finding the lost   soul at all?"  Helmet stopped rolling as Gloves approached him and offered his hand.  He reached with his nub arm and grabbed his hand. "I thank you for you  r aid, furry man!" He said as he was pulled up.

OSCAR:  Gloves was feeling a little heart stab when Helmet say 'furry man', bu  t at least he knows that this cosplay really took effect on covering h  is whole body, including his face.  "Actually..." He took off his 'Lucario Head' and reveal to Helmet. "It  's Gloves." He said. When he did that, he smell something funky in the   air. He smell around at first, but the smell was coming to Helmet cos  play. "Helmet. Are you wearing actual Ham?" He ask, looking confuse as   fuck.

BRIT:  "Beat us to it, then." Duster said, clearly not concerned. He pushed s  ome of his hair back behind his shoulder. "That's an... Interesting co  stume, Helmet."  "Listen, if I knew how he did it I wouldn't be as concerned. We gotta  find him before shit hits the fan." Blazer stated, turning to look aro  und., "You can stay here and think about why you can't break up with t  his jerk or something."  They ran off. It couldn't be that hard to find a nearly 7-foot tall wh  ite demon.

KURP:  "No," he said, shaking his head, "At least not on the outside. Though  that lion statue gives me some bad vibes..."  "Didn't know Lady Googoo was relevant again," Hots added.

FUJOSHI:  Time for more drama! Fujoshi adjusted her place in the crowd and had a   sit on the floor, giggling madly. People around her began to make sur  e to avoid her, and there was a very clear 5-foot radius around the yo  ung girl who was feverishly writing in a notebook. She would write the   perfect romance! If not for herself, then for everyone around them!

"My darling Diamond." The tall Prince spoke in his charming manner, "It' s apparent that maybe this should be a threesome? Clearly all you diamon ds would like me, the most beautiful Prince of Demons." He flipped his aqua waterfall strands in dramatic fashion and it mesmeri sed the diamonds. Yellow Diamond blushed violently. The Prince took her hand and pulled her roughly into his chest. There was a heat in the air between them! "I believe we should take this... To more private quarters, dear. Unless your friends would like to come!" Surely, this was going to be something so...

FUJOSHI:  Fujoshi stopped writing and covered her face.  "What am I doing! I can't write smut!" She screamed.

OMEGA:  "Okay..." Boxer said as he look down and stay where he was. Though at  least Raincoat was with him.

TOTALLY NOT DJ:  "I am glad you think so, Ser Duster! I made from chunks of ham and oth  er meats at the local butcher!" Helmet said proudly.  "Well, I'll just go shoot it then if it-" Ruka began before hearing th  e scream. He took a deep breath and exhaled. "Okay.....I think I know  where the ghost is.....and I hope i'm fucking wrong. Let's go, Sharkba  it." He then cocked the shotgun and headed the source of the scream. I  s this shotgun gonna be effective against the lost soul. Probably not,   but it's fucking cool.

KURP:  Asmodeus pushed Monocle away in clear disgust. This was anything but c  onsentual and he was actually starting to cry.  "I can hear you!" He yelled, shaking his fist at the ceiling. His voic  e lowered as his frustration grew.  "And when I find whoever it is, I will tear them apart!"  Speedo nodded and began following Ruka but stopped as the nickname was   brought up. He sighed, looking almost defeated and decided to let the   other demon do as he pleased. He just didn't feel like dealing with s  omeone calling him Sharkbait, it was always impossible to get people t  o stop calling him that once it started.  He instead went in the opposite direction, getting stopped occasionall  y for photos.

OWLIE:  "W-what the fuck..." Monocle stammered, seemingly snapped back to his  senses as Asmodeus pushed him away. He hid behind Polo, flustered as f  uck. Polo, who looked murderous as he looked around the vicinity, grow  led aggresively "I'm gonna fucking kill that ghost."

OSCAR:  While Dress Socks and G-Strings was walking, like forever within the c  on, they saw people that was getting a little crowded and bumping into   each other. They try to squeeze out of there and one they did, they p  op from the other side and see that everyone's like at least 5-foot ra  dius away from the person that was sitting on the floor. But this pers  on wasn't ordinary at all, but a Lost Soul. With Grin on their faces,  they summon out their weapons and pointed at her.  "Finally..." Dress Socks said in his Human Soul Disguise. "We finally  found Lost Soul number 3."  "Let's get her!" G-Strings shouted in her Human Maka Disguise.

COFFIN:  Virgin Killer strayed away from the group she was in and decided to go   look for the soul on her own. She summoned cavity and walked with it,   stopping for pictures here and there. She bumped into Speedo and she  squeaked. "Sorry! Are you okay? Pleasetellmeididntfuckupyourcosplay."  She frantically checked him.

SAIYAN:  Wristband had been watching Asmo like a hawk...until he decided to poo  f on her. She gave a bit of a groan of frustration that he managed to  lose her. She quickly ran around for a bit before she bumped into Blaz  er.  "Hey, have you seen Asmo at all? He just poofed on me and I don't want   him causing a ruckus" she said, panting a bit from the sprinting she  was doing.

HITA:  Sidling closer, VF leaned closer to the ham clad Helmet, sniffing in i  nterest.  It leaned closer to tap on the man's shoulder, holding up a  hastily scribbled note.  'Are you going to eat all that?'  VF seemed far more interested in the   man inside of the ham than should be necessary but at least it reigne  d itself it.  Even if it wasn't allowed, technically, to eat humans, i  t also refused to waste all the ham.  In the meantime it was a time for a Brooch Approach™!!!  Brooch's hair   twisted and she began to leap around just like her character would.    She had heard G-Strings yell and like Hell was she letting a demon do  this!  Landing with a sort of inhuman grace she faced off against the  demons and the... tiny... child?  "Miss, I must insist you do desist!  You can't just jam people togethe  r like that!"

YARANAIKA:  Despite the way Yaranaika was clinging to Emperor Crown with her hair,   the crowd began to back away.  What was happening?  Why was her skin  slowly turning black?  The malevolent grin on her face split open and  before their eyes she began to warp.  "I think you'd be so sugoi with a nice lover!!"  It was this moment when the girl twisted from a Senshi into what could   only be called a creepy thing.  "Te...ke...te...ke...."  She twisted her head around, tongue still fir  mly around Emperor Crown as he began to shrink.  Eyes began to grow, h  is muscle mass decreased, and he began to clearly display typical of f  eminine people in yaois.  "Te...ke!  TEKEKEKE!  KAWAII!!"

OSCAR:  Dress Socks and G-Strings was surprise to see Brooch appearance out of   the sky and land gracefully. They don't know her, but they're not let  ting her to protect the Lost Soul. "Well Miss..." G-Strings said. "Sor  ry to burst your bubble, but where here on an important mission and th  at little 'child's' coming with us."  "We don't want to hurt you, but if you going to protect her and interf  ere us..." Dress Socks said as he weird up his Sabers. "When we're goi  ng to have a little problem."  Meanwhile, Gloves was right about the costume and feel a little gross  out of the ham Cosplay. It's meant for eating, not wearing. With a sig  h, he puts on his 'Lucario Helmet and look at Helmet. "Well...at least   you like what you love." He said.  Sapphire didn't say anything, but was making a gross out expression to   Helmet.

OMEGA:  "My Face! What did you do to my beauty and grace!" Emperor Crown said  as he was now Uke-ified. "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" He screamed as he  looked horrible now.

KURP:  Speedo held out his hands as if trying to asses the lady that just bum  ped into him.  "Huh? Oh no, I'm fine. Are you okay?"  He noticed that she was holding a weapon-looking object and the color  looked oddly like a Demon's. Maybe it actually was. He pointed to it.  "I'm guessing you're also looking for that Lost Soul?"

BRIT:  "Helmet. That's actually disgusting." Duster sighed.  Blazer adjusted their footing before they were ploughed over by Wristb  and and looked at her with slight aggravation before realizing who it  was.  "Yeah, he disappeared but... There's a lot of screaming coming from th  at direction." They said, pointing in the direction of the ghost. Thei  r finger drooped a little.  "Oh."

COFFIN:  Virgin Killer sighed in relief, "M-me? Yeah I'm fine no worries." She  looked over at Cavity. "This old thing? Oh yeah, it's been fucking wit  h the con goers. I take it you are too?" She tilted her pigtailed head  .  Mary Janes ran over to the girl and he say down next to her. He offere  d her a chicken nugget. "Hiya! Mr. Ruka you're gonna scare her if you  use those!"

TOTALLY NOT DJ:  "I was going to, yes! But I am more than willing to share!" Helmet rep  lied to VK after reading the note then turned to Duster. "That, Ser Du  ster is not disgusting. What is disgusting.....is....uhhh......FRENCH  CHEESE!" Someone help this man.  Ruka pushed and shoved people his way through the crow of people, cuss  ing as he did so, before coming to an open area where he saw Brooch, G  -Strings, and Dress Socks. When he heard G-Strings mention a child, he   turned to face the small girl sitting on the floor. So that's the lit  tle shit they're looking for. He approached the girl and loomed over h  er, shotgun in both hands.  Flat Cap had been wandering the con for the few minutes, being stoned  and scaring some folks and eventually came across EC caught in the ton  gue of a ghost, transforming before his eyes. "Yoooooo.....Freaky shit  e right there."

OMEGA:  "What is that idiot doing?" Tank Top ask he points to Ruka who was loo  ming over a small girl. Dress Shirt turn around to look at what Ruka w  as going to do.

FUJOSHI:  Fujo jumped at the accusations by others and adjusted her glasses to l  ook up at Brooch with a small gasp.  "M-miss? I-I'm sorry!! I'm just h-having some fun!" She squeaked and g  ot up, flustered, "I-I gotta go!!"  She turned to run and immediately encountered Ruka. She was shuddering  , but she stopped and puffed out her cheeks in a pout.  "Yara-sensei!!" She screamed to the ghost at the top of her lungs, "S-  Super Henshin Transformation!"  The small form of the Lost Soul was enveloped in a bright light and th  ere was some kind of show going on- but everyone was too blinded to ac  tually see it. It was safe to assume there was a fancy Sailor Moon-esq  ue henshin.  "Now you suckers are gonna get it!" She laughed. Her form had changed  significantly to be a tall slender woman with long twintails, a pair o  f cat ears, and a Senshi outfit.

BRIT:  Duster shook his head at the inference made by Helmet and turned to th  e entrance.  "I want to look at that statue outside. It must be a new addition. Mig  ht be a nice place to hold a photoshoot." He said, nudging Hot Pants.

KURP:  Speedo nodded at Virgin Killer.  "Yeah. It was in the work email at the office. Might as well do what I  'm told considering I just got here. Don't want to lose my job."  He noticed that there was screaming and people running from just behin  d Virgin Killer and pointed in that direction.  "I'm guessing we know where to look..."  Asmodeus was getting ready to maim the Lost Soul, but was promptly sto  pped by Luna by shoving over her prop staff at him as she had summoned   her weapon.  "Take Strappon someone safe, Sukajan and I will keep the perimeter cle  ar!"  "Ugh, fine. Make sure her death is agonizing if anything," Asmodeus sa  id as he took Strappon along.  Hot Pants squinted at the scene that played out before him, squinting  at it as it went on. He looked at Duster, then back at the scene, then   back to Duster with a heavy sigh. Taking his boyfriend's hand, he tug  ged at him to follow.  "Yeah let's just go. I came here to have a nice con experience and I'm   gonna fucking have it so I don't feel like looking at the fucking gho  sts or whatever right now."

JAY:  Ribbon was running drastically late, but to be fair, it was only becau  se she had no idea how to navigate the area around the abbey that they   had taken up residence in. She was clad in a rather well-kept black d  ress suit and skirt, with brown short hair. Definitely just a disguise   and not a dumb cosplay. Especially not a dumb cosplay of a Korean mob  ile dating sim.  In any case, she had finally managed to get to the convention, coffee  in-hand, as she looked around for familiar faces around the entrance.  She couldn't remember any of the Angels she had seen around the abbey.

YARANAIKA:  "Te...ke...?"  Twisting around almost more unnaturally than the way sh  e'd shifted before, Yaranaika's eyes on the side of her head zeroed in   on the mess with her OTP bestie.  She giggled maliciously as she race  d forward.  Imagine an enraged Winston but a Teke-Teke and there's som  ething you never want to see again.  Her tongue lashed out, catching G  loves in its slimy grip.  The slobber covering the poor boy soaked int  o his fursuit and into his skin, shifting him into a grossly vile warp  ing of himself.  "Tekekekeke!!  Coming, Fujo-chan!!"  A large hand reached forward and  grasped Ruka by the leg, tossing him up and then smashing him under a  large, meaty paw.  "How kawaii you are, Fujo-chan!!"  The demon in her   grasp was facing a harsh transformation himself, incapable of fightin  g the change overcoming him.  "Tekeke!  I can't believe you all tried that!"  Picking up Ruka in her   grasp, she threw him at the pair that had confronted her friend initi  ally, allowing him to slam into the floor before Dress Socks and G-Str  ings.  There was an almost sick thud as Ruka hit the floor even as she   dropped Gloves from her tongue's grasp.  "Tekekekeke!!!"

FUJOSHI:  Fujoshi's smile widened as she began to whip around the con, flying wi  th the translucent wings on her back.  "Oh, how sad! Poor little Ruka has been battered to the ground!" She w  hined, "But he will get up and he will find his next Uke sugoi boy!"  She swept down and gave Dress Socks a hard hit to the head.

OMEGA:  "The Ghost!" Father Crucifix said as he gets out his weapon. "Boxer! R  aincoat! Time to fight!" He command as Boxer and Raincoat summoned the  ir weapons. Raincoat took cover and started to shoot at Yaranaika from   a far raining bullets on her. Boxer and Father Crucifix come charging   in at the Ghost sending slashes with a mix of punches.  Dress Shirt grabbed Tank Top's arm and spin him around and around then   sending flying at the Lost Soul with his weapon out. "Time cut you up  ! Sailor Girl!" Tank Top said as he slashes at her with a wild smile o  n his face. Dress Shit summon his weapon and started to fire at her.

COFFIN:  Dzilla runs over with Mary to attack Fujoshi. Mary trips on his dress  and he tumbles over gracefully. Dzilla lands a decent hit with her axe  s.  Foxstole lazily throws her naginata and slashes her cheek. She yawns a  nd grabs her weapon as it returns to her. "Booooring."

TOTALLY NOT DJ:  "Motherfuck...." Ruka grumbled as he got up on his feet then growled w  hen he overheard Fujoshi. "I'm gonna Uke sugoi YOUR FUCKING FACE!" He  shouted, not noticing or caring much about his enlarged body and small  er head then grabbed the shotgun, firing it at Yaranaika as payback fo  r slamming him into the ground even though it didn't effect her before   summoning his chained blades and slashed at Fujoshi as she flew in th  e air.  Flat Cap meanwhile just unloaded his gun at Yaranaika cause he only no  w realized that the ghost wasn't just him being high as a fucking kite  .

OSCAR:  Gloves was surprise to get attack by the ghost and can feel the slim o  nto his skin from her long tongue, eww. "AH SICK!" He said. Without kn  owing, she turn him into a grossly vile and feel so weak and the boy's   upset that the ghost did this to him.  Once release with tears within his mask, he summons his namesakes, run  s over to her and give the ghost a punch at the face. "IT COST $300 DO  LLARS, YOU GHOST!" He shouted, upsettingly.  Sapphire was surprise to see Gloves taken by the ghost and made his co  stume cover in her saliva. How dare she. As she summon her namesake in  to a Glaive, she runs over to the ghost and slash her left arm.  As Dress Sock and G-Strings see Ruka flying by Yaranaika's strength an  d it was coming at them. Both of them got hit and when Dress Socks was   going to stand, Fujoshi hit his head hard. It hurt like hell, but he  was piss now. As his eyes was glowing in gold and growl angrily, he sl  ash Fujoshi with his Sabers at her guts. "DON'T MESS WITH ME!" He shou  ted.  As G-Strings gets up, she throws her Big Shuriken at Fujoshi, but it m  ade a grain on her right arm.

BRIT:  Duster was posing with Hot Pants in front of the large draconic statue  . People were going wild over their costumes, and the fact that Duster   was already a well-known model anyway.  Blazer made their way all the way to the Ghost scene and spun their sw  ord off their back- in classic RPG Hero Fashion. A few pictures were s  napped from frightened, yet intrigued, onlookers.  "Alright, Fucker-- Shit, there's a Lost Soul, too. How the fuck do we  deal with those again??" They asked, very confused suddenly.

FUJOSHI:  Fujoshi screamed from the hit she took and turned to the crowd, much a  ngrier!  "That's it!" She yelled, "I'mma do the dance!"  She summoned a wand that looked definitely like a cosplay prop and beg  an doing a dance. She weaved and spun in a dance only classic RPG Fans   might have been familiar with- seemed like a ripoff, but it was enoug  h to make  any fan cry tears of blood. It was incredibly mesmerizing..  .  To the point where onlookers would be transfixed on it!

EMI:  Nightshirt was minding his own damn business despite the boring battle  s going on. He was sitting on a bench in front of a huge lion statue t  hat seemed to have gotten a lot of attention before the Ghost and Soul   attacked. He scratched his head, seemingly uneffected by all the shit   going on. He looked back at the "statue" that just flicked it's tail  and he blinked.

KURP:  Hot Pants felt a sinister presence beginning to loom by. It almost fel  t like it was his aunt and snapped his head behind him only to see the   statue's tail suddenly move. He turned around completely, getting a s  inking feeling in his stomach.

SAIYAN:  Wristband looked over at all of the screaming that was going on and qu  ickly saw the reason for the panic.  "Oh, so that's what's going on" she said before sighing.  Why couldn't they have anything cool going on that doesn't have ghosts   involved.

OMEGA:  Tank Top dropped his weapon as his eyes started to cry tears of blood.   "MY EYES!" Tank Top shouted as the dance was causing his eyes to blee  d. "I got your Brother!" Dress Shirt said as he sends a Hell of Bullet  s at the Lost Soul.

YARANAIKA:  Screeching violently, Yaranaika spun about, charging at Raincoat.  How   dare she??!!?!  She lifted a hand and slammed onto the ground   Rainc  oat launched into the air and the ghost used her to climb up and into  the rafters, letting drool drip onto the floor.  She hissed down at ev  eryone and then dropped down.  She staggered, slamming the ground with   massive fists and trying to startle the rest.

JAY:  Ribbon's directionless meandering was brought to a halt quickly when s  he heard loud screaming and other various noises from deeper in the co  nvention center. She quickly started to make her way towards all the l  oud noise.  "Geez, guys, already find the ghost?"

BRIT:  Duster heard the minute sounds of something moving behind them and his   head snapped around. His complexion would have paled further had he n  ot been wearing greyish-white makeup.  "The... Statue is moving?" He asked.

OSCAR:  As Dress Socks and G-Strings was about to attack Fujoshi, the light wa  s hitting on them by her and it's hurting their eyes. It hurt so much  that it start tearing in blood. "OWOWOWOWOW!" G-Strings shouted, painf  ully.  Dress Socks was hurting also and his tears starting to bleed also, yet  , his demonic pride won't get the best of him as he throws his right S  aber hard at her left leg.  Gloves and Sapphire was planning on their next attack at Yaranaika, bu  t both of them didn't land a hit as the Ghost slamming the ground, cau  sing the ground to shake and made them fall to the ground.

TOTALLY NOT DJ:  "Gah, fuck!" Ruka shouted, gritting his teeth as he began to tear in b  lood but managed to shrug it off and landed another hit on Fujoshi's a  bdomen.  Flat Cap fell his ass but to managed to keep rooting, tooting, and sho  oting at Yaranaika despite his fall, turning the ghost into swiss chee  se.

KURP:  Hot Pants stared at the statue in silence as he got closer to Duster,  embracing the man's waist.  "Dude, I think it did. I just saw the tail move..."

COFFIN:  Virgin Killer noticed her fiance and she ran over,"Babe! Took ya long  enough!" She kissed her cheek. "Never a dull moment huh?"  Assless Chaps readied his Harlots and he stretched. "This should be fu  n."  Dzilla held up her screaming grandson like Simba. They were both bleed  ing.  Vampire Collar was pretty cool with it, just meant more for his sippy  cup. He's so licking Jong's face. Yummy.  Foxstole wiped her eyes and noped out to the statue.

OMEGA:  "Raincoat! Boxer!" Father Crucifix said as he wipes the blood from his   lip as he look at the Ghost. "Yes Sir!" They said as they looked at h  im. "Time to finish this!" He said as he charges at the Ghost head on  first. He was slashing the Ghost up like no tomorrow. Next was Raincoa  t who came close up to the Ghost unloading every shell on to her. Fina  lly, there was Boxer who could feel the power of the North Star callin  g to him as his ripped off and then...  "ATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA  TATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA  TATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA  TATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA  T!!!" Boxer shouted as he hits the Ghost in every press-point then tur  n his back and started to walk. Though once he got a few distance away   he turn around and point to her recreating the most iconic moment in  anime history.  __"Omae Wa Mo Shindeiru"__

OSCAR:  As Dress Socks and G-Strings look at Fujoshi with fierce in their tear   bloody eyes, they going to corrupt this ghost once and for all. As G-  Strings took out another Big Shuriken, both of them throw their weapon   at her. Dress Socks Left Saber hit her chest and G-Strings hit her at   the forehead. "BULLS EYE!" Dress Socks and G-Strings said.

JAY:  Ribbon chuckled as Virgin came up to her and smooched her cheek, a war  m smile almost immediately coming to her face. "Aw, good to see you, t  oo! And, yeah, I can't leave you guys alone for five minutes, can I?"  Ribbon summoned Stripper and turned to face the Lost Soul. "Now, what  the hell is going on?"

TOTALLY NOT DJ:  Helmet suddenly sat up in front of Ribbon and turned to face her. "Wha  t is happening.....is Beans!" With that, Helmet laid back down and beg  an rolling while singing Rollin' by Limp Bizkit again before hitting a   booth, causing the whole thing to fall on top of him.

OSCAR:  As Gloves and Sapphire got off the ground, they went over towards Yara  naika and hit the ghost with their namesakes. Gloves punch her face on  ce more while Sapphire thrust her chest with her glaive.

KURP:  Speedo was about to start greeting Ribbon, seeing that Virgin Killer n  ow had a companion before stopping himself as Helmet came in. He didn'  t say anything, he just watched as he felt his soul leave his body. Th  e smell of flesh beginning to give him a headache.  Someone help him.

COFFIN:  Virgin snickered and she gripped Cavity. "Fuck have I missed you.~"  S  he gave it a twirl. "We had two weebs now we got one weeb. Also, I met   a cutie~!" She smirked and pointed to Speedo.  Assless gulped. "Wow that's one hot piece of sushi."

BRIT:  Duster squinted at the statue and pulled his namesake out of his bag,  moving aside a few of the ferrets he had brought with him and turning  it into Blood-Coated. He very carefully extended it to poke the statue  .

JAY:  Ribbon turns her head to nod a short, silent greeting to Speedo, while   beginning to swing her whip around in her hand. Her head turned back  towards the Lost Soul, the demon deciding to boldly leap for her and s  end Stripper right into her face. Unfortunately, she totally missed, a  nd instead jumped right past her.

KURP:  "I'll pretend I didn't hear that..." Speedo muttered as he returned Ri  bbon's gesture before she went off. They had this covered so he felt n  o need to actually participate.  Hot Pants took Duster's bag, making sure the ferrets inside were still   there, stuffing in the few that were wiggling out. He took a step bac  k, moving behind Duster. If this was anything serious, he knew he was  dead, he didn't have a weapon on him.  "Be careful babe..." He said.

FUJOSHI:  Fujoshi had finished her dance, skillfully dodging until she was able  to finish and bow. Of course, it was at that point someone hit her dea  d center and she went tumbling backward.  "You're all so rude!!" She yelled, rushing at as many of them as possi  ble and doing some kind of pirouette spin-kick! Ouch!  She then made a break for it, running out of the convention center to  try and escape. Her threads started to unravel and she turned dramatic  ally toward her opponents.  "Y-You!! You meanies!" She squealed, obviously starting to bawl like a   child.

KURP:  The statue suddenly came to life...because it wasn't a statue to begin   with. The statue was none other than the Teostra that wasn't captured   months prior to this event.  It didn't appreciate being poked by some sharp object and swiped at Du  ster. Not aggressively to attack, but to keep distance between the two  , a warning swipe.  It got up soon after that, its attention being caught by the distresse  d squealing of a spirit. With a roar it lunged towards Fujoshi and cau  ght her between its paws. Without hesitation, it just gulped her down  whole.  Hot Pants looked on in horror as he clutched the bag harder.  "I'm going to stay in the car," he said.  "I knew there was something up with that statue," Speedo said, crossin  g his arms.

YARANAIKA:  Yaranaika made a lot of noise suddenly. It was something like out of a   horror movie.  "TEKETEKE--- N-N-NANIIIIII!?!?!?!" She screamed, twisting and turning  and writhing. In a fit of rage, the ghost went scampering toward Glove  s and Sapphire, making an awful hissing noise.  She stopped suddenly, as if she had hit a glass wall, and exploded in  a powerful scream.  "MY OTP!!!!" She yelled before she blasted into bits.

EMI:  Nightshirt floated behind Teostra, holding his hands over his mouth.  "Oops. My bad." He mumbled. "Welp, that's enough excitement for me tod  ay."  He looked at his ringing phone and disappeared in a puff of fire.

BRIT:  Duster had backed up quickly to avoid getting swat into the air and lo  oked on in mild horror as the dragon devoured the Lost Soul that had b  een slowly becoming a ghost- it caused a mild explosion within Teostra  's mouth, but all that was left was a little smoke.  "God, why... Where did this thing come from?" He asked through gritted   teeth.  "Shit..." Blazer grumbled under their breath.

COFFIN:  Assless Chaps blinked and walked to the Teostra. "That's a big big bab  y."  Virgin stretched and her tail moved about, she leaned on Cavity. "A ve  ry big baby."  Mary Janes yeeted outside and screamed puppy.

OSCAR:  As Gloves and Sapphire see Yaranaika exploded, it made Gloves feel not   weak anymore and was back to normal. Yet now, he's angry than before  for having that slime on his cosplay 'Lucario Suit'. "Aw man! Look at  my cosplay! IT'S RUINED!" He shouted, angrily. "$300 wasted."  Sapphire give light pats to Gloves back for his cosplay being ruined.  "Well...at least we get to live another day." She said. Gloves didn't  say anything, but feeling shame.  When they heard a big pound on the ground, they turn their heads at th  e big Teostra and made them fear from seeing it eat a Lost Soul.  "What the fuck!" Gloves said, shockingly.  As Dress and G-Strings was about to capture the Lost Soul, it was gull  ible up by Teostra and maaaan it's a big one. Both of them immediately   jaw drop at the sight and who knew it can eat Lost Souls.

TOTALLY NOT DJ:  After watching Fujo get mcfucking eaten, Ruka decided he had enough of   cons for one day. He changed his blades back and walked over to Vest  who was hiding in a booth that got wrecked from the fight. "Let's go,  Kleptofuck. I wanna go home." He said, grabbing Vest by the collar of  his shirt and dragging him out the convention center.  "I don't wanna go though. There's still merch I wanna get, plus Pocket   Watch is here!" Vest whined.  "You can suck his dick after you drop me off at the house." Ruka said  as he tossed Vest into the driver's seat and got into the passenger se  at.

KURP:  Before Hot Pants actually left, he called out, "Oi, that's the cat fuc  k we needed to catch a few months back! Stay away, the fire permanentl  y damages Soul Threads!"  As if on cue, Toestra spread its wing and flew a few feet off the grou  nd, breathing its fire to disperse everyone that had gathered around i  t. It then quickly flew off to God knows where. Probably to have anoth  er sit without being poked at, maybe.

OMEGA:  "Fist of the North Star is the Father of all manly anime." Boxer said  as he grab his bag filled with anime figures and arts. He walked back  to his Raincoat and Father Crucifix with a smile on his face.  Dress Shirt picked up Tank Top and started to head out of the conventi  on. "Are we going home?" Tank Top ask as he breathes heavily. "Yes." D  ress Shirt said as he helps his Brother out.

JAY:  Ribbon was left alone by the Lost Soul, who simply ran right out, inst  ead of standing to fight. This left the demon rather confused, and may  be a bit embarrassed, considering she had just been so dramatic about  attacking. She looked back towards Virgin Killer with a nervous smile.

BRIT:  Strappon's struggle to release himself from Asmodeus' tittygrip came t  o fruition as he was finally free. He ran to the Angels as fast as he  possibly could, away from the Demon Prince.  "Oh, thank Heavens. Good job, Angels." He panted, giving them all a th  umbs-up, "Though, I wish we could have repented the Lost Soul peaceful  ly..."  "Yeah. Manly anime." Blazer said, adjusting their costume with a huff  and turning to Boxer. "Too bad you don't have the balls those protags  have to break up with your goddamn abuser. I really suggest you figure   out the words you gotta say, because your life is gonna be hella wors  e if you say nothing."

COFFIN:  Virgin Killer giggled and she hugged Ribbon close to her hip from behi  nd. "Nice going my little cherry.~"

JAY:  Ribbon smiled sheepishly, her face a slightly lighter tinge of red tha  n normal. "Eheheh... I just kinda went on reflexes there, but are we a  ctually even going to bother fighting? Since we, you know. Kinda aren'  t with Hell Corp, at the moment?"

OSCAR:  Hearing Hot Pants warning, Gloves, Sapphire, Dress Socks, and G-String  s was getting away from the Fire from Teostra as fast as possible beca  use in no way in gods hell they want their cosplay to burn. It's too e  xpensive! As they did, they see Teostra escape.  "We need to capture it." Dress Socks and G-Strings said, in sync.  Gloves and Sapphire painted and hear Strappon saying. "Same...here." G  loves said.

SAIYAN:  "Good job guys!" Undershirt said as he hopped down from the top of a m  erchandise stand he was using to watch the fight.  Tuxedo Jacket too came out of the woodworks to gather around with the  rest of the angels.  Wristband finally managed to catch up with Asmo after trying to chase  him down after so long, feelsgoodman!

OMEGA:  "Yeah, i didn't want to say it today but I will say it maybe later or  tomorrow." Boxer said with a smile as he looks at Blazer. "I am just g  lad that i got to do the one "Omae Wa Mo Shindeiru"technique on the Gh  ost!" He said as he looks at Blazer.

KURP:  Asmodeus tailed closely behind Strappon, looking almost offended, "Lis  ten, if you're not into vanilla, you could have just said so. Were you   not taught manners?"  He was holding a sundae of sorts.  "Or you could say you're not into the whole being fed deal. Dear mothe  r of mine, you people are shit at communication..." He said, shaking h  is head. He then turned around and gave his ice cream to Wristband.  "There, I lost my appetite."

COFFIN:  Virgin Killer shrugged and she kissed her shoulder. "I mean, if we don  't need to I don't see why we are. Though the work out is pretty nice.  "  Assless Chaps returned with a funnel cake shaped like a dick. "What ex  actly did I miss herrre?" He poked Asmodeus.

SAIYAN:  "Thanks, I guess" Wristband said as she grabbed the ice cream and bega  n to lick it. It tasted great, even more so because she was so done wi  th this job of babysitting this demon all day. She deserved a treat fo  r sure.

BRIT:  Blazer's mouth formed a tight line at Boxer's response and let out a h  eavy sigh.  "Kids will be kids." They said, "Whatevs."  Strappon shuddered slightly and jabbed an elbow backward into Asmo's g  ut.  "Give me a damn warning, heathen." He hissed.

JAY:  Ribbon nodded and leaned back into Virgin's arms, sighing gently. "Wel  l, that's a relief, at least. I didn't really feel up to fighting with   a ghost or lost soul today. Chilling at the abbey has been... Well, m  aybe more necessary than I thought."

COFFIN:  Virgin kissed at her neck. "I mean, if it'll help the angels out a lit  tle I don't see why not? But yeah, it's..weird."

OMEGA:  "Well then shall we continue on with the Convection guys?" Raincoat as  k as he looked at Boxer, Father Crucifix, and Emperor Crown. "Sure!" B  oxer said as he was excited to continue with a smile on his face. "Tha  t would be lovely." Father Crucifix said with a smile on his face too.   "I guess." Emperor Crown said as cracks his neck.

The Angels were able to continue their con-going antics with significant ly more ease knowing the Ghost had been repented. They were given praise by the congoers and were even awarded with free merchandise! In the distance, there was a dark figure holding the Banshee Threads fro m the  corrupted Fujoshi. He held up the thread as it writhed in his han d and let it go, letting it drift in the wind. "Weakling." He said simply, turning back and leaving wordlessly.

[themurphyzone]

Oneshot: A Mammalian Match

So in Platypus Onesies For All, I made a terrible error. I did not actually write about the glory that is Heinz Doofenshmirtz in a platypus onesie. This oneshot is a kind of a sequel. 

It was Dress Up Like An Animal Day. This year, the day happened to coincide with the dinner party the American division was hosting for the international branches of the OWCA. The most recent memo encouraged dressing like an animal instead of the formal attire of years past. 

While Perry would’ve gotten away with just his fedora, he felt terrible leaving Heinz hanging. Matching was much more fun anyway. And he was touched that Heinz bought a little ocelot hoodie that even came with a fake tail just for him. It was much cozier than the stiff material of a suit. 

Perry also allowed Heinz to apply kitty whiskers with a thin paintbrush. There were three black streaks on each cheek, easily washable of course. 

“I can see why this is so popular,” Heinz said, flipping the bill of the onesie over his fedora. “You wanna feel? It’s really fuzzy. Hopefully not too fuzzy though. You know how when you’re wearing winter socks and the fuzz gets caught between your toes? That’s what it feels like.” 

Perry ran his fingers up and down Heinz’s arm, chattering as he felt the material squish in his hand. 

Heinz grinned. “I know you like it too. We don’t have to leave just yet. We can totally get away with being fashionably late. Why do they call it that anyway? What does fashion have to do with an inability to show up on time?”

Perry tugged him to his feet. They were going to arrive on time, and that was final. 

OWCA sure knew how to pick the venue. They’d rented out the local convention center, which had been renovated to include a brand new ballroom. It was such a big deal that the local news had done a special segment over the building, complete with interview from Roger himself. 

Perry had a great time playing ‘keep the remote away from Heinz in case he threw it at the television’ that night. 

“Remember when you thwarted me when I tried destroying this place with the Rocking Chair-inator?” Heinz asked, wiping a tear from his eye. “Man, good times. I wish I’d gotten a picture of your face when you got thrown on top of one of the statues. That was priceless!” 

Perry scowled, then pointed at the greeter, who was staring at Heinz in disbelief. Not exactly the most tactful thing to say to someone who made their living here. The greeter made a big show of checking their tickets to stall them, and Heinz protested the entire time. 

Finally, they were allowed in. The dining hall was straight ahead, several large banquet tables set up in the middle with assorted fruits and cheese neatly lining fancy silver platters. The animals mingled with each other, while the humans were more content to stick to the group they flew in with. 

Candace was right about accidentally starting a fashion trend. Platypus onesies were definitely the most popular costume of the night. The Australian branch was completely decked in teal and orange. Even the echidna and kangaroo with them had platypus memorabilia. 

Upon seeing Perry and Heinz, they gasped and surrounded them completely. Perry shifted nervously, and Heinz laughed. “Shy in front of your own fan club, Perry the Platypus? Come on, if any guy deserves a fan club, it’s you! Though I’d totally be the president of it.”

“I follow your blog! Did Perry the Platypus really blow up all your inventions?” 

“Why is his fur teal?”

“Have you ever been stabbed by his venomous spurs?” 

Heinz lifted his hands in a futile attempt to quiet them enough so he could talk. “Not all of my inventions. Just the ones used for evil. I still have Norm though. I hope he isn’t making too many muffins again. He destroyed the kitchen last time he made them, you know. And I have no idea why his fur is teal. A mutation maybe, and I read up on the venomous spur thing. He doesn’t need those to inflict a world of hurt.”

Satisfied, the agents took several selfies for keepsakes. Perry sighed in relief when they took interest in a few avian agents. 

“Come on, so people are giving you a little attention,” Heinz said. “You should be happy about that!” 

Perry shook his head. Fan clubs just weren’t his thing. 

“Yeah, I guess if you’re supposed to be a secret agent, you aren’t supposed to be drawing attention. That’s why secret’s in the name. Whoever heard of an attention agent?”

Perry grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the buffet table. They would both need the energy if they were going to socialize. Since it was still early, the servers had only put out the appetizers. It would be an hour before the main courses were brought out and they were called to be seated. 

The table was so high that Perry had to sit on Heinz’s shoulders to get a good look at the food available. There were several odd looks from some of the stuffier visitors, but Perry paid them no mind. He was more concerned about directing Heinz so that he got enough marinara with his calamari. 

Heinz settled for the crackers and loaded his plate with every slice of cheese available. Perry hopped off and grabbed the plate of calamari from him, completely coating a ring with sauce before eating it. 

“You could’ve said please,” Heinz complained. “Or sign-languaged please. Do platypi have a word for it? Or is this one of the things that doesn’t translate?” 

Perry shrugged, popping another piece into his bill. There was no need for him to give his ‘I’m hungry’ chatter here. Besides, that was the closest thing platypi had to the magic words. 

Heinz played with his food, the tip of his tongue sticking out as he concentrated heavily on arranging the cheese in a strange pattern. After a few minutes, he finished and proudly displayed a cheese and cracker version of Perry on his plate. 

The body was made of Colby Jack, while the bill was sharp cheddar. A cracker was broken into two halves, one for the hat and the other for the tail.

Perry took one of the creation’s pepperjack arms and chewed on it. Heinz grinned. “I’m just gonna pretend you liked it and didn’t eat your own arm.” 

“There you two are!” someone exclaimed. 

They whirled around to see Major Monogram approaching them. Perry wasn’t sure if his scowl was directed at Heinz or at Carl. They’d made a bet a week before, and Carl won. As a result, he got first pick of the animal costumes. 

And now Major Monogram was dressed like a chipmunk. 

Perry quickly saluted his superior, although he knew he it wouldn’t be that professional anyway. He flicked off a small speck of cheese stuck to the side of his bill. 

“Nice ocelot outfit, Agent P,” Major Monogram said. “Your onesie is tacky, Doofenshmirtz. And unoriginal. Everyone and their mother is wearing one of those now.” 

Heinz raised an eyebrow. “Sure, Monobrow. At least mine is trendy. Chipmunks are so 80s of you. Just out of curiosity, what would you and Carl have dressed up as if you’d won that bet?” 

“It was only a lucky fluke,” Monogram grumbled. “I would’ve won if it hadn’t been for that meddling kid in the sweatervest and his dog.” 

“Wow, never heard a good guy say that one before,” Heinz remarked. Perry was surprised too. 

It was pretty cliche though. 

“I would’ve liked to go as a bear. Probably would’ve stuck Carl in a fox costume,” Monogram said. “Enjoy the party, I’ll see you at the table when we’re called down. I’d better drag Carl away from the other squirrels. Catch you later.”

An almost civil conversation between Heinz and Monogram. Weird. 

They spent the next thirty minutes learning of their apparent celebrity status in the international branches. The cat in the Japanese division had started purring and rubbing herself against Perry. Her superior and Heinz had to work together to pull them apart when she’d latched onto him, her front paws digging into his hoodie. 

Thankfully, they broke apart before her claws could damage the material. Her superior apologized profusely to both of them. The cat pouted as she was reprimanded sternly for her behavior. 

“Probably the jacket,” Heinz said. He gently knocked Perry’s side with an elbow. “Do me a favor and avoid female cats that want to flirt with you.”

Perry shrugged. She-cats just weren’t his type. 

Then Heinz somehow managed to attract the attention of two female agents in the COWCA. Unfortunately, Lyla wasn’t with them since Bannister broke out of prison and she had to go deal with him.

Heinz being Heinz, he didn’t even realize they were flirting with him. 

And Perry wasn’t the sharing type. 

Before he could figure out a good excuse to lead Heinz away, an announcement sounded over the P.A. “Attention, everyone take your seats at your tables. Dinner will begin shortly.” 

Thank goodness. 

The table even had name cards. Heinz quickly snatched Monogram’s card and crossed out the last half of his name with a red pen, replacing it with ‘brow’. He also scribbled a smiley face with the tongue sticking out. Then he put the card back, giggling. 

Heinz wasn’t a bad guy anymore (loosely defined), but his pettiness would never go away. Perry could live with it. 

Carl flopped down in his chair, crossing his arms at Monogram. “You could’ve just asked.”

“I asked four different times, Carl,” Monogram retorted. He frowned at his name card. “Monobrow? Seriously?”

Carl high-fived Heinz. “Yes!” he cheered. “I love karma!”

Now was one of those times Perry was glad he couldn’t speak. Otherwise Monogram would find out that listening to Heinz say ‘Monobrow’ all the time occasionally made Perry call him that in his head too. 

“Hey, I consider Monobrow one of the best play on words I’ve ever made,” Heinz laughed. “I mean mono and uni are prefixes for the same thing, so the name still fits. Besides, I gotta be original here because making fun of that mustache is way too easy.”

“Making fun of that beak you call a nose is way too easy,” Monogram muttered. 

Heinz frowned. “Wow. You should really learn something more original.” 

The entrees arrived, several large platters of food being set in the middle of every table. The calamari had been delicious, sure, but one small plate wasn’t going to fill him up. 

Heinz grabbed Perry’s plate and scooped the mashed potatoes and chicken for him. Perry flashed a thumbs up and dug in. Monogram snatched the serving fork as Carl was reaching for it. 

“Rude, much?” Heinz whispered. 

Perry shrugged. He would take this brand of rude instead of the whole ‘humans are the superior species’ stuff any day. The sensitivity training Monogram had been forced to take was clearly not working. 

As they ate, someone came on stage on started talking about ‘unity’ and ‘integrity’ and a whole bunch of other ‘-ties’. Perry wasn’t paying attention. The food was too delicious for him to care about some stuffy guy giving a speech. 

And Heinz. It was hard to pay attention when his best friend was decked out in turquoise. 

And rocked it too. Not that he’d ever tell him that. 

Perry needed to figure out a way to thank Candace for accidentally starting the fashion trend. Ah, well. For now, he was going to enjoy the rest of the night.