#I go from happy to sad to angry to offended to irritated to anxious like 😵‍💫

[longlegsnamjoon420]

Ok I’m having some crazy mood swings. I’ve made and deleted like 5 posts this morning ranting about different things this isn’t cute guys lmao

[iaintyourbro]

Random Thoughts on Another Replay

I was replaying FF7 Remake... again. And this time my husband and I were a few beers in. Meaning he was a bit more open on his commentary, which I appreciated. 

________________________________________________________

My Husband: “This is like that movie Misery where that lady kidnaps that dude she’s obsessed with.”

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We were on Chapter 8 during the best of it.

Husband During Aerith Caught by Cloud Scene: “Do people think this is romantic? I mean he doesn’t seem too excited. What was he gonna do, let her break her leg from falling? Whatever, if those people want this scene, they can have it. We can take the rest of the game.” (He doesn’t understand shipping, by the way, but I had to laugh since he made a shippy comment)

Husband About Helicopters in the Background in Sector 5 right after you pull Aerith up from the ladder breaking: **Explains how the backgrounds, plate, and other environmental aspects were rendered. Mad that the lights in the background are stagnant, proving it’s a static image. Mad the helicopters aren’t moving more. Still happy about the game.** I made a joke that he sounds like the people bitching about the doors. “That doesn’t bother me.”

Chapter 8 Feelings in General: He seems mad most of the time. Annoyed. Why is this chapter so slow? Why do I need to keep stopping? Why are they making me walk during this part? Why is that doctor so over the top with his Colonel Sanders accent and the damn pipe in Chapter 8, but when you go back to him in Chapter 14, he’s pretty normal sounding?

My Thoughts, Randomly: 

“Huh, interesting that this song plays as soon as you get to the Sector 5 Slums” The song Anxiety plays, which is very similar to Anxious Heart from the OG. I found this fitting, honestly, knowing that he’s probably increasingly getting anxious about getting back. Plus all the nasty comments being made on the news and around him in Sector 5 about Avalanche. I’d say if they wanted this to be seen as a special moment, they’d play something less... depressing? Sector 7 you get the Main Theme playing most of it. After you save Johnny, On Our Way plays. Both songs are nostalgic and related, at least to me, with positive things. Anxious Heart/Anxiety is Nibelheim and that sadness along with it. Though I love Anxious Heart/Anxiety.

Cloud definitely walks away, looks off in the distance and smiles after saying to Aerith “ I don’t know how to explain..” In response to her is Tifa your GF question. I’m guessing that’s why he walked away from her and didn’t show his face.

Aerith Putting Junk All Over to Prevent you from leaving: 

My Husband: “This is like that movie Misery where that lady kidnaps that dude she’s obsessed with.”

Me: “Didn’t you say something about Kathy Bates the first time you played this?”

Him: “No, this isn’t like Psycho, it’s like Misery.”

Me: “Kathy Bates is the crazy lady in Misery...”

Him: “Oh, maybe.”

Me: I only was able to avoid all of that crap on my first play through. Every time after I am absolutely terrible at it and was getting extremely angry about it. The amount of relief you get when you finally get to the stairs is ridiculous. 

Questing Differences and Other Random: 

Sector 7: Tifa shows Cloud ways to become a mercenary, introduces him to people and asks him if he wants to go back multiple times. He never responds to wanting to go back. She teaches him how to fish. 

Sector 5: Aerith tells Cloud they should do the side quests (help people). Cloud says “I’m on the clock.” This was interesting to me - he’s like a retail employee who is almost done their shift and counting down until he’s done. Aerith also pokes fun at his merc lifestyle for some reason, though I’m not sure it was intentionally malicious. 

He’s super irritated when Aerith is like “oh we’re gonna go do this and pick flowers yada yada” “That wasn’t the deal!” and honestly, she’s one of the only people he gets this aggravated with. He just sounds pissed, looks pissed and she doesn’t give a shit. Jessie is the other one I can think of that he gets extremely aggravated with.

When Tifa says she told Marle about him, he reacts somewhat concerned/surprised?, she backs off and clarifies, thinking she offended him. He is then content with her answer. He never raises his voice to her. 

Aerith’s House: 

Me: “If we win the lottery, let’s build this house in the woods somewhere.”

Him: “Yeah, but we’d need to move to the Southwest where there’s canyons and shit.”

Me: “Nah, we’ll just go to the woods here. No need to move.”

Him: “But look at all the rocks.”

Me: “You mean the same decorative landscaping rocks we have for our front garden that you don’t need effing canyons to get?”

Him: “Whatever, these are canyon specific rocks.”

*A bit later*

Me: “Well we’d need a bigger living room and kitchen, cuz there’s no room for a couch, and that kitchen is too small.”

Him: “You’re worried about that. Where is the bathroom? Do they shit in the flowers?”

Me: “Haha, probably why they grow so well.”

*More later*

Me: “I dunno, this third story to go to the top is kinda creepy like a church. We’d need to change this. This is like all those scary movies where this is where somebody killed themselves and they haunt this specific area.”

[morethanithoughtofficialblog]

Chapter 23: Don’t be so tough with yourself

In which fights and emotional instability strikes in. 

*Sans's POV*

I woke up quite late the next day, rays of sun telling me the present timeline was still there. The smell of warm coffee filled my room, and the bed was a lot less messy than usual. I looked at my left and noticed that, indeed, there was a cup of coffee, companied by a notebook with a lot of writing on the front page. I decided to read it, not before taking a sip to the drink before it got cold.

<<Sans, buddy, I don't think you should continue hiding these things. You are important, you have a family and friends that care about you. You are so young, man! You've been given the chance to go on and start from zero on the Surface, please don't waste it. You are super smart, I can feel it, and you are way more useful than you think.

Please, if not for you, then do it for your family. I bet Papyrus doesn't know anything about your problem. He may know what you have, but not WHY you have it. That's the intimate part, isn't it? I understand you want to keep Papyrus's innocence, but think of yourself at least right now. You are the most important person to your brother (From what I've seen, you guys don't have a close relationship. I am no one to judge, though).

I don't want to pressure you. I just want you to be okay. You have people to rely on- don't waste that opportunity.  Maybe you won't tell your parents, I perfectly understand. My parents don't know about my issues either. But you have your brother, friends, and if you ever want to, I'll always be open to hearing what you have to say.

Please, Sans, just be careful.

Because we all really care about you.

(P.D. If you wake up and the coffee's cold, don't hesitate to ask me for more! I'll be downstairs... Papy's probably awake already)>>

I sighed and took the cup with me. I know that what I was doing was so damn wrong, but I was truly afraid of letting go. I'm not happy like this, don't misunderstand, but... it's comfortable. Because it's predictable. And know that I have an unpredictable person in my life, what am I supposed to do?

I got dressed in simple clothes with my favorite hoodie and headed downstairs, where (Y/N) was helping my bro to make Hot Cakes. It smelled amazing, and the loud noise of dishes clacking and Paps's voice gave the house happiness. I noticed the door that leads to the room of my parents was shut down and locked from the inside, and I had the right to assume they arrived in the morning. Why? Because they would have asked about (Y/N)'s belongings on the couch (that now weren't there), about my muffled sobs, or the steps of the girl walking to my room.

"it smells good, guys" I softly commented in order to let them know about my presence. I always did that on the Underground, and I don't mean to change it any time soon.

"OH, HELLO BROTHER!" Papyrus excitedly waved at me, but was drawn by some signs that the human was making in order to get him to return to his duties. I chuckled. "EXCUSE ME, SANS, BUT I MUST NOT GET DISTRACTED WHILE COOKING!"

"Heya Sans!" (Y/N) said not looking at me, too focused on making breakfast. "Hope the coffee wasn't too cold"

"nah, it was perfect" I lazily answered and smiled wider. "i liked it a latte"

Silence dropped in for a few seconds before they realized the joke, receiving a groan and a giggle. I knew perfectly which was from whom.

"Wow" She said between her giggles "I have no words to espresso how awful that pun was"

Papyrus seemed so shocked and horrified that we both ended up laughing like crazy. He groaned louder and started to whine about how dorky we were. When we ended our laughter fit, breakfast was ready, so we sat down and started to eat. It was nice, way better than eating spaghetti all the damn mornings. I love my bro, but pasta... it sometimes makes me feel upsetti...

Heh.

The evening was great until we started to make breakfast puns. Then it became...

eggcellent.

"I SWEAR TO GOD, I'M GOING TO END BOTH OF YOU!" He screamed at some point.

"Wouldn't that make you a..." She started.

"DON'T!"

"Cereal killer?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"nice one, gal" I smirked at Paps's reaction.

"Oh jeez, I wasn't bready for that compliment" Oh my God, she is such a dork.

"wow, that pun was brewtiful"

A lot of puns came later and brightened my day. After a well-deserved breakfast and some other cups of coffee, we finally went to the school I wanted to inscribe Papyrus in. This time we used a freaking GPS and did our best to don't get distracted. Inscriptions' closure was coming and I did not want to leave my brother without school for a whole semester.

Ebott High School was a huge and modern-looking school owned by the same man that owns the university. However, they (supposedly) weren't correlated. I didn't give a damn, though. I just want the best for my bro for this period of his life. He may decide later what he wants...

Ah, the mere thought of he going away and making a new life breaks my heart. Just as he tends to say, what would I do without a cool guy like him taking care of me? I would probably just go on and ruin my life on alcohol and sleepless nights on beds made of bills. I... I need to be more optimistic towards the future, but is hard. Really hard. I have no abilities- only complex feelings that not even I can comprehend.

We entered and made our way to the reception, where (Y/N) did most of the talking. It was better that way since I felt like saying something stupid. Based on the looks that the receptionist was giving us, I could also say that he wasn't happy with us being here, so it was good for me not to say anything.

After some minutes, we entered a room where we would talk about how the process to join the school would go and many clubs that Papyrus could join after the usual schedules. It was going good, everything was going calm and happy. In that stage of the inscription, of course. The next one, on the other hand...

"I can't believe we are letting a monster access our buildings!" An employee shouted to another, who tried to keep a neutral expression and not to punch his partner on the face. "This is the real life, not some 'let's accept everyone' shit!"

"Dude, he has acceptable grades" The other one answered, seemingly bored and used to that bastard's arguments "The skeleton can even have a scholarship! Why should we not accept him?!"

"But he's incompetent!"

"Hey, if you want to say something, say it to our face!" For my surprise, (Y/N) intervened. Looking at her expression I easily noticed how irritated and annoyed she was by this guy's behavior. At least for a moment, she decided not to act shy and defend... well, she wasn't even defending herself! She was defending Papy...

And before I even got to process everything, the fight escalated further.

"You better shut up, you stupid monster whore!" WHAT THE FU-

"Oh, great! Is that all that you have?!" Welp, she snapped quite quickly. But that's how girls are, right? "Your retarded mind lives on the prehistoric age or what?! We are in the twenty-first century, you freaking moron! Are you really that stupid?! Or are you just so full of yourself you simply can't accept others by. their. fucking. looks?!"

...ok...

Maybe that's NOT how girls usually are...

But if it is, then, I must be wary around them from now on.

"You just want to get him in for your own benefit!"

"Oh, really? Tell me what benefits I'm getting at sending my friend to school. Oh, wait, there are none! I just want him to have a good life because I'm his freaking friend! But I don't expect you to understand, of course, since you have none!" Ok, if I have to be honest, I was trying not to be scared of her at this point.

"Oh, you dare to offend me?"

"More like defending what's right! And if that implies calling you every. single. swearword. I'll do it with pleasure!"

"ok, you guys better calm-" We can say that I tried to calm down the situation, but...

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, YOU FUCKING BAG OF BONES!!!"

"WHO THE FUCK YOU CALL A BAG OF BONES, YOU STUPID, UNHAPPY-WITH-LIFE, SLUT!"

...

...it got worse.

"HEY!" Papyrus screamed, and God knows how many decibels that sound made. "STOP OFFENDING EACH OTHER!"

(Y/N) and that unsatisfied dude looked at each other for a brief second (needless to say, with a LOT of hate) and then back at Papyrus.

"SIR..." My bro started, taking advantage of the guy's attention. "IF YOU ARE NOT OPEN TO RECEIVE SOMEONE DIFFERENT THAN YOU AT THESE BUILDINGS, THEN I MUST SAY I AM REALLY DISAPPOINTED. I-"

"Who the hell you think you are to tell me th-"

"Continue talking and I'll rip off your mouth" Ok, girls scare me. A LOT.

"AS... I WAS SAYING, SIR" Papyrus also seemed scared by the cute, shy and anxious girl's sudden behavior. "I THINK THAT, IF SOMEONE WITH A SIMPLE JOB LIKE YOURS WON'T ACCEPT ME MORALLY, THEN I GUESS THERE'S NO POINT IN TRYING TO APPLY HERE"

"..."

"...Papyrus is right" Finally, she calmed down. "If you really don't want to do your job and accept him as a student, just like everybody else, then I guess I can't force you"

She walked to the exit door and, without a word, we followed her. We three perfectly knew that more words won't make him change his mind. And less if know he was angry with the only human keeping us company.

"Have a good day, sir" And with that, the violent meeting that I never expected to see (less today) ended. We walked out of the school and walked a few meters before I heard the girl sigh.

"I'm... I'm sorry, guys" She gave us a sad, weak smile. She looked like she wanted to beat herself to death. The guilt in her eyes was so unbearable that I had to look away. "I... I probably messed up"

The thing is, that she could have taken it better. I didn't know what to tell her, because she could have cooled down in the first place. As must as I wanted to tell her something good... nothing came out at the moment.

"IT'S NOTHING, HUMAN" Papyrus gave her a smile in return but his had pride and joy. "YOU WERE JUST DEFENDING US! I AM ACTUALLY FLATTERED BY YOUR ACTIONS!"

"But I behaved horribly..." It seemed like the guilt would never disappear. "I could have acted better, not saying swears, goddamnit! But I... I lost my cool... I'm truly sorry"

We remained in silence for a bit. It was becoming more and more painful, and I didn't want her to beat down herself after this incident, so I decided to make a move.

"hey... we all lose our cool sometimes, right?" I smiled weakly, trying to lighten up her expression at least a bit. It didn't work. I sighed and continued, not having any other reasonable choice. "that guy acted like such a bastard to us and to you, (y/n). you just defended yourself, and unfortunately, that's something that we all have to do some time or another. that guy didn't deserve mercy from someone like you. you did the right thing"

"But not the way I-"

"stop livin' in the past, kid" I bet it was easy to notice the worry in my eyes and how my smile was shaking. "you behaved differently from the usual, that's why you feel weird. but you did good"

"...Are you sure?"

"ABSOLUTELY!" Ah, Papyrus. Always cheerful, no matter what.

"T-thanks... so we... are we still f-friends?"

Wait, did she really think she would lose us because of that?

"OF COURSE, HUMAN! YOU CAN NOT GET RID OF US THAT EASILY!"

She smirked, dropping a few tears when she closed her eyes.

She... she was THAT scared?  

"So I... I guess we'll search for another school, then?" She smiled way brighter, and I felt way more at ease.

"I GUESS SO, HUMAN" Papyrus was still smiling with pure joy... how does he do that?

"if... if you don't want to be there, kid, we will understand" I bluntly said, not really thinking before talking. Thankfully, she didn't take it the wrong way.

"H-hey! If I'm not there, then who'll be the human that'll mess up with the bastards?!" She laughed eagerly and, without thinking of anything else, I smiled as well. Seeing her so relieved and calmer was nice- I couldn't do much but to give her a smile in return.

"nice" I smirked. "let's go grab some grub right now, k?"

"SANS! WE ATE LESS THAN AN HOUR AGO!"

"i know. and it's killin' me"

To my delight, she laughed at our conversation. To hear her like that rather than rambling about her "mistakes" puts an idiotic smile on my face. It's so weird.

Ok, calm down Sans.

She's a friend.

There's no way you could-

"Hey, Sans" She smiled sweetly, the gaze in her eyes softening "You've been quiet for a while... is there something wrong?"

...

Shit.

"nah, don't sweat it" My wink was as fake as my confidence... heh. "just thinkin' of somethin'"

"IS THAT SO?" I know this makes me a really messed up big brother, but... for an instant, I forgot about Papy's existence... I'm such an idiot. "MAY WE KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT, BROTHER?"

Oh hell no.

"nope"

"C' MON!"

"no"

"Sans, hey..." Oh no, not her. Please don't beg me, please, please! "You can tell us anything, okay? I... must admit I am a bit curious, but if it's something deeply personal, then we'll understand..."

And there it was, that so sweet smile of hers.

This is becoming so stupid.

I wanted to forget about it, but it's not easy to forget someone WHEN THAT PERSON IS IN FRONT OF YOU.

"Hey..." God, I remained silent again, didn't I? "Are... are you-"

"i'm fine, don't worry about me...?" Idiot! Why did it come as a question?!

"...You sure?"

"definitely" Wow, that didn't sound suspicious at all, you freaking moron "i'm just a bit... overwhelmed, we can say, for all the sudden changes of these last months"

Well, at least I didn't lie...

I mean, I did, but at the same time, I didn't...

This day should have been called "The day where Sans is more idiotic than usual".

We ended up going to a café to calm down (and to not get back home, since Papyrus didn't want to) and have a drink. Since we didn't succeed in getting him into the school, there weren't now any plans. Just a normal hangout, I guess. It was becoming more difficult to concentrate on the chat they were having, and my mind being a bitch, it decided to think more of... how she is. Why? I have NO FUCKING IDEA.

It's... funny. Funny how she, a human with the capacity to have it all, it's so nervous to show confidence at all. She doubts all her decisions, she thinks she's not good at all, and that no one would truly... like her by the way she is.

I remember that, when I was younger, I used to believe I could do it all. That one day, even, I would free everyone from the Underground. I'm still confident about who I am, and even if I'm lazy and a good for nothing... I'm happy. What scares me is that the kid decides to take away that happiness from me. But overall, I like my life. She, on the other hand, doesn't. And I don't know why...

I want to know why...

Looking at her, the bright smile she had when talking to Papy, the sweet tone of her voice when she asks for anything, and the pleasant light of her eyes... it's not easy to hate yourself when you simply don't have many reasons to. Her shy personality, the way she stutters when she realizes she's being passionate about something, her humble attitude... she is great overall. She has a great heart, why she has self-doubt? Or depression, even?

I'm starting to think too much about this.

I noticed awfully late that I was staring at them, and I looked away when their eyes were already on me. I stared, instead, at my untouched glass of Coke.

"BROTHER?" Oh no. "ARE YOU OKAY? YOU LOOK LIKE YOU ARE HAVING A ROUGH TIME"

"You've been awfully quiet, Sans..." Shit... "Are you sure you are okay?"

"...yeah" I'm so stupid! Yay! "i'm okay, really. just... i was just thinking"

"AGAIN?" Shit, I used the same excuse.

"yep"

They looked at each other for a brief second, back at me, then sighed (surprisingly at the same time).

"sorry" I started, feeling guilty of the worry they had in their looks "i'm just... i'm really just thinking, it's just... weird. my mind's been acting weird lately. and i'm dealing with that"

Wow, I finally said the truth.

"...I see" She smiled again, and I swear to God I. FUCKING. BLUSHED. "It's okay, Sans. We all have our days when our mind seems different, right? With all the changes you guys are having... I bet it's been quite something, isn't it? And, uh... more with what happened earlier, I suppose"

"YEAH, IT'S BEEN WEIRD LATELY" Papy admitted, surprising me a bit. "ESPECIALLY WITH SANS. HE'S NOT ACTING AS HE USED ON THE UNDERGROUND... HE ACTS MORE LIKE WHEN HE WAS ONLY WITH ME AT HOME. HE DIDN'T USE TO SHOW HIS FEELINGS AS MUCH AS HE DOES NOW" Is that so?

"maybe you are right, bro" I winked, trying to put aside my weird feelings and thoughts. "anyway, eh... do you think they'll have any limes here?"

"Limes or lemons?"

"limes"

(Y/N) called out a waitress and asked for limes and... guacamole.

"guacamole?" I raised an "eyebrow" (not sure what to call 'em).

"I'm... I 'm hungry, ok?"

"OH MY GOD, WE ATE LESS THAN TWO HOURS AGO"

"I know, that's why I hate it"

"can we have some?"

"SANS!"

"Sure, you can take however you want"

"I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD TELL SANS THAT" My brother (wisely) adviced her. "OR ELSE HE WON'T LEAVE YOU A SINGLE BIR OF IT!"

We both chuckled, and more when the guacamole arrived instantly. Papyrus looked irritated, but as must as he won't admit it, he also took some guacamole now and then. We started to talk about which other schools would be great for him, but it turned out that not even the girl knew too much about it. I suddenly felt how an unnoticeable headache disappeared and my head cleared into the conversation.

And if you are going to ask me "hey, Sans, are you going to use this weird headache as an excuse?" then let me tell you that YES.

"I wasn't born here, you know..." She, again, smiled. And I was trying to calm down, of course. "I'm from a city that is a bit far from Ebott"

"REALLY?" My brother, too, was interested. "HOW FAR?"

"Probably five hours... or maybe a bit less"

"since when you are here, then?"

"Since I was eighteen, I have now four years studying and working here" She continued calmly. like if she was waiting for anyone to ask her about this. Oh lord, isn't she lonely? I pity her. "By that reason, I only started university here... that's maybe why I don't know a lot of high schools around here. I know more about kindergartens, though"

K-kindergartens?

Why would she search for kindergartens?!

Does...

Does she...?

"why?"

"An ol' friend I know since middle school has a kiddo, and I've been trying to help Miranda to have her signed into a good school"

I wanted to sigh out in relief but I realized it would be WAY too weird, so I didn't.

"OH!" Papyrus seemed delighted to hear about a little kid, I guess. "CAN WE MEET THE HUMAN CHILD?"

"Of course!" (Y/N), as well, seemed delighted with the idea to present the kid to us "She is really nice and creative, and my friend is pretty good!"

Now I really sighed this time, not truly wanting to deal with kids. However, they looked pretty enthusiastic about it... I knew my thoughts would not matter. I just hope that the little girl doesn't get scared, or else Papyrus will feel bad with himself. Also, because I don't want to make an early Halloween (and yes, I know about that sick festive day humans do every October. It makes me want to die).

"MIRANDA IS YOUR FRIEND?"

"Ah, yes. And her child is called Miriam"

"WOWIE! I HOPE WE REALLY CAN MEET HER!"

"Yep, I hope so too" She looked at her cellphone for barely two seconds and sighed, seemingly in relief. Then her eyes focused on the empty bowl of guacamole and my empty glass of Coke with a hell lot of limes. "I suppose... I suppose w-we are done eating, right?"

"really? i thought we were getting started" I joked, getting out a small giggle from her and a light groan from my brother.

"WE ARE DEFINITELY OVER WITH THE EATING FOR NOW!" My grumpy brother glanced at me and, naturally, I winked.

"Ok, eh..." She fidgeted a bit, showing a shy smile... how many times I have mentioned her smile by now? "Do you want to, uh, hang out for a bit? I think it's a bit, you know, uh... late for searching a school?"

"i agree"

"YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING, SANS!" He scolded me, getting another of my famous winks as a response. "BUT YEAH! WE WILL SURELY BE GLAD TO HANG OUT WITH YOU FOR THE REST OF THE DAY!"

I nodded and we all headed out of the café to go to... wherever. We walked through the streets, hearing the complaining of Papyrus when he saw most of the people on a car. One of Papy's goals is to ride a red convertible, the sun hitting his skin, and the air moving his hair.

Of course, most of it will never happen, but... he sure can have a car. We just don't have enough money.

Oh. That brings me to another point.

I need to get a fucking job.

Gaster, suspiciously, has not been gaining enough money on his nice job. Arial, I don't know what the hell she is doing, and I don't want Papyrus to put his studies aside. I need to get a job, any job I could ever think of. Money is money, whatever we gain will help.

We ended up going to a park, where we gained a couple of stares...

Actually, we got a lot.

Fortunately, (Y/N) seemed to control her irritation this time, so even if other people would try to search a fight, we remained calm. Instead of shouting, she just was sarcastic, but we never got into anything bigger. We sat under a tree, away from people, just talking about any topic. Papyrus and I would constantly ask about the Surface. She, on the other hand, would ask about the Underground. It was nice, and we remained there until eight pm.

"Ah, jeez..." She said when she looked at the time. "I think I should be getting home by now"

"BUT HUMAN, YOU CAN STAY ONE MORE DAY WITH US!" He looked so disappointed it was becoming clearly difficult for her to deny.

"Sorry, Paps" She sadly looked at him, trying to convince him. "I have work tomorrow"

"well..." Oh my God, what are you doing?! "can we at least go with you?"

She looked at me a bit taken-back, my nervousness increasing with every passing second. Papyrus seemed eager with the idea to go with her, so he helped me convince her.

"YES HUMAN!" Nice excuse, bro. "WE SHALL GO WITH YOU!"

"Ah, I... isn't it a bit late?"  

"that's exactly what we mean, kid"

"YES, HUMAN! IT'S DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE!" Why do I feel like I've heard that line before?

"We will need to take the subway, though..."

"no problemo"

"Oh... ah, ok! If you insist..." She may not admit it, but she had a goofy grin on her face. She seemed so eager about it- about not going alone.

Aaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnddddddddddddd........ Papyrus squealed so loud I almost thought I turned deaf. I may not have ears, but gosh, that really hurt.

"IT IS SETTLED, THEN!" He struck a heroic pose he used to do a lot on the Underground. "OFF WE GO!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Your POV*

I don't know why, but the skelebros insisted to go with me to my home. Sans had a calm expression, but Papyrus was really impatient about my answer. After answering yes, he made the loudest squeal that the Earth has ever heard.

We got away from the partially calm environment of the park and went through the city streets, busy as always. Ah, this urban life... I absolutely hate it. It's so monotone that it depresses me every day. It's so boring I can't do much but fantasize about how the Underground could have been. A place with different people, where almost everybody knew each other and the day-by-day events did not involve stupid contamination and cliché campaigns.

Talking about my daily routine, after some minutes we arrived at the subway that tends to take me home every day I go out. As usual, the place was as full as a bar on a messed up weekend. People either coming out from work or carrying their tired kids, the subway stations have become like my second home. For groceries, for work, for even visiting a friend... I go there almost every day, unless I decide to stay home. But that usually doesn't happen.

The glances were there, just like in the park. Judging glances with every step we took, it didn't matter how tired everyone was... they just looked. Hate, amusement, disappointment... no wonder why this world is so fucked up. I didn't say anything for our sake, but I really wanted to kill everyone in the place (except the skeletons) and then myself. However, I should not lose control of myself like that again.

I felt somewhat guilty for having both of the skeletons by my side, when they could have been relaxing on their own home at that precise moment. I must admit, though, that I appreciated the company. Papyrus kept me entertained with various experiences of his past and Sans cracked occasionally a joke or two. It became less unbearable, and the glances soon stopped to be a burden.

Before I could tell, we were already at my station. We went out of the subway and headed to my little old apartment. The younger brother insisted on being with me until I arrived safely, and the older brother just went along with it. Just a step inside the "living room" and I remembered that episode on the bathroom... about the mirror, I mean!

I'm a fucking mess.

When they left me, teleported by Sans's skills, the loneliness hit me. I started to do my usual night ritual, but it felt really odd. Like... like if I haven't done it before.

God, I miss my old life. When I was a freaking kid with no cares in this world.

I miss my father.

I miss my friends.

I miss...

I miss my home.

I miss it so much.

I looked over the place and realized how messy it was. Papers on the main and small table, a weird ball of blankets on top of my bed, a lot of fast food trash on the couch, tons of dishes in the kitchen, and dry blood on the bathroom. Everything was disorganized, no signs of the girl I used to be when I was still studying. When I was still with him.

I went to my closet, which unsurprisingly had bunches of clothes accumulated, and searched for my old cellphone. I was feeling so nostalgic and blank that I needed to remind myself what was real and what wasn't. I was so sad that I wanted a reason to stop thinking of the present and cling on the past.

Sans's words hit me: "Stop living in the past". It is so true about myself that it hurts. It hurts a lot.

I use to think about my past a lot- the mistakes I made, the happy moments I had, my past nightmares, my old ambitions... it is so strange how things changed so quickly. How I stopped being that cheerful kid and started to be this always-tired woman.

After some tough research, I found that cellphone I got when I was about to leave middle school. Ah, that day. I was so happy I took like two hundred photos in less than an hour, most of them starring my smiling dad and me.

Tears fell down my face when I got to see those photos again. Each of one reminded me of phrases he used to tell me. Of how proud he was of me. Of how hopeful he was towards the future. MY future.

He promised me so many times that I was going to become the best scientist in all the world. That I would be the difference. That I would change everything and be the hope for a lot of people. And now, I'm not even the hope of myself. I can't even look at the mirror and stop myself from cringing of what I see. A stupid, messy, horrible human that has done nothing but destroy herself.

Sniffs turned into sobs as the time passed and the images showed. There were also photos of my favorite restaurants, of Miranda and me, of all the projects I was proud of, of my baseball cards, of my three-year-old drawings... of my proud and happy expression. It was so heartbreaking to think I was her. I was that child with bright (e/c) eyes and lively smile. That kid that used to play baseball pretty good and had an unhealthy but wonderful obsession with the Red Sox players. That child... that smart and productive child.

Sobbing turned into crying when a photo of my mother and me showed up. Ah, that woman- I loved her so much before she turned her back on both of us. Before she started to fight with dad about everything. Before she told me everything was my fault. That nostalgic picture, she carrying me with the proudest smile and me kissing her cheek with a proud smile.

It hurts so much.

It hurts.

It hurts.

It hurts...

I wished someone else could understand why.

Why, out of everything that has happened, I'm mostly only proud of who I once was.

Why those smiles I showed mean more to me than anything.

Why my eyes seem so different.

wHy i hATE mE SO mUCh.

More photos of the three of us were there. It was so painful to notice the genuineness in our expressions. Of how wonderful and innocent our happy times were. Of how we supported each other in the hard days. Of how, even if the day was bad, we gathered together and played, laughed, hugged...

I wanted to scream. To let out all the pain and go back to that small, cheerful world. As much as I try to be happy and proud of what I'm doing now, my mind continues to shout that I did better on the past and that it doesn't matter how hard I try, because I will never be that kid again. Now I have people that try to support me. I have people that, indeed, are trying to help me get through this. Hell, I even know someone that has that same feeling of dread.

I remembered how helpless Sans looked the day before, of how devoid of hope he seemed. How desperate he was for having someone, ANYONE, to hold him and tell him that is okay to cry. It's... it's funny. It's so funny how he is a happy comedian to everyone on the outside, but the inside is more than that.

This is not a joke.

This is not a FUCKING JOKE.

That's the life of a desperate monster we are talking over here. Of a devastated brother that tries to help him in any way. Of an oblivious mother that will soon regret leaving him alone. Of a disappointed father that will shed tears if he finds out what he had done.

While I'm crying, a lot of people are, too. Their tears, like mine, remain lost in the never-ending darkness that their life has become. Silent screams that they need to say out loud, but they can't. Because they are alone. They feel alone, as much as I do. Or even worse. And thinking that someone is in a worse situation than I am... it's not recomforting. It truly isn't.

I changed my clothes into my usual pajama. I did my nightly ritual, just as I do every day. But this time, I stood in front of the broken mirror, looking at the distorted version of me it reflects. I put my sleeves up only to reveal all the cuts I created. It looked like a sad painting of someone trying to escape.

And that's exactly what I am right now.

[hoardofhyperfixations]

Powerful Chapter 7: Trams

Chapter 1

Previous Chapter

Warnings: None

Pairings: Logicality, Prinxiety

Genre: Mostly fluff

Summary: The bois go over to Logan's house. Well, most of them.

Logan liked to consider himself an intelligent boy.

He was a straight A student, in several Honors classes--including English. He was, admittedly, surprised that Romano Prince and Patton Harrt had been in that class as well--and had skipped the fifth grade.

So he was naturally a bit confused on why he didn't regret his decision to date Patton. Patton talked a lot. He was extremely sensitive. He was very touchy-feely. He was cuddly. He was the complete opposite of Logan. And he wasn't...the sharpest tool in the shed.

To put it simply, Patton had asked Logan why they didn't have candy that tasted like mint toothpaste.

And yet, Logan couldn't bear to see him sad. How odd was that?

"Looks like a storm's coming, Lo!" Patton chirped from his place on Logan's floor with Sasha in his lap.

Logan just grunted, rubbing his temples. He knew damn well a storm was coming, considering his frustration was the cause of it.

"Lo?" There was a sudden warmth on his leg and the bed dipped next to him. Logan looked to his right and immediately leaned back, as Patton was way too close. He moved his leg away from Patton's hand.

"Uh- yes, Patton?" Luckily, Patton seemed to get the hint and scooted away from him, nearly off the bed since it wasn't that wide. Odd, Patton was pretty much hanging off the side of the bed, but he didn't even seem to tilt or be close to falling. Logan just decided he probably had really good balance.

"Are you alright? You seem angry." Patton spoke softly, and that just irritated Logan even more. Who gave Patton the right to be so sweet and so cute?

He looked everywhere and anywhere except for into those baby blue eyes; at Patton's bag with it's cat design, at the window where he could see a the rain beginning to pour in buckets, at Sasha, who was taking a nap...

"I'm fine. Just thinking." Logan answered in his usual flat tone. He glanced at Patton, who's orange hair was as adorable as ever. "Would you mind going away for a few minutes?" The silence in response made him wince; he didn't even need to look to know there was a flash of hurt on Patton's freckled face.

"Oh, uh- yeah, I guess." Patton mumbled, standing up. "Am I- am I still spending the night...?" Logan blinked at the question.

"Of course. I'm not kicking you out, especially not in this weather. I just wish for some time to think." Logan assured, voice softening. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"Are you sure? I know I can be a bit- um...overwhelming at times." Patton smiled a bit sadly and Logan's heart ached to fix it.

"Patton, you're fine. I'm not used to 'hanging out' even with a normal perso- that's- that's not what I meant." Logan frowned, cringing a bit. "You're something special, Patton, in the best way possible. I have never met someone who fit the definition of sunshine so well."

"Sun? But I'm the dad friend, not the son friend!" Patton chirped, grinning.

...

"God dammit, Patton." Logan groaned, rubbing his face. Mostly to hide his fond smile. Damn Patton and his stupid adorableness...

"Watch your language!" Patton gasped, hands on his hips like a disappointed father. Logan rolled his eyes, pushing his wire framed glasses up his nose.

A knock came at Logan's door, cutting off Patton's remark about how quickly the storm was clearing up.

"Logan? Can I come in?" His mom asked.

"Yes, Mom." Logan answered, scooting over so Patton could sit down next to him again. He felt his face turn pink as Patton rested his head on his shoulder.

It was to fool his mother, of course, as she walked into the room. Of course. Absolutely.

She smiled, shutting the door behind her. Sasha ran up and ran circles around her legs, resulting in a nudge from her feet.

"Hey, hun. Hello, Patton."

"Hi, Mrs. Trams!" Patton chirped, toying with the promise ring around his ring finger.

"Well, Lo, your father and I wanted to go to the movies. Would you two be alright on your own? You can invite your friends over." His mom explained. Logan paused, thinking over her words briefly before glancing at Patton.

Patton nodded, so he smiled a bit and nodded as well.

"We'll be fine, Mom." Logan assured. His mom smiled, kissing his forehead then Patton's before leaving and shutting the door behind her.

"...wanna invite the others over?" Patton asked, grinning. Logan hummed absently.

"Yes, I suppose I wouldn't mind." He agreed. "Do you happen to have Dee's phone number, though? I have the others', but not his."

"No, but I think Virge does." Patton said as he sent texts to Roman and Virgil, adding a message to invite Dee to Virgil's.

•

He's so- so ignorant! Logan thought. He decided to tell Roman so, ignoring the scolding look from Patton. Roman did his usual over exaggerated gasp and offended noises, animatedly arguing with Logan and upsetting Virgil, who was laid across his lap like a cat.

"Stay still, moron." He grumbled, scrolling on his phone some more as he made himself comfortable.

Patton was downstairs, getting snacks for them all.

Logan rolled his eyes, crossing his arms and going to speak only for Sasha to interrupt him with a yipp. Roman snorted, fixing his hair. Logan narrowed his eyes at Roman, the gears in his brain turning as he thought things over.

Roman always reacted to animal noises the way he'd react to someone speaking. Whenever Sasha barks, he seems to speak for her. Animals seem to love him. Wh-

"L?" Virgil's voice cut through his thoughts. "What do you think?"

"Huh? My apologies, I must've zoned out." Logan mumbled apologetically, running a hand through his slicked back hair and glancing at his watch. 10:21. "What were you conversing about?" Virgil tilted his head.

"Disney movies have dark sides to them. Princey thinks they don't and that-"

"He's ruining the sacred name of Disney!" Roman screeched. Logan rolled his eyes.

"Well, looking at the facts," he began, "nearly every happy or upbeat thing has a dark side of some sort-"

"Traitor!"

"Bold of you to assume I was on your side in the first place."

"Nerd." Roman hissed, pouting and crossing his arms.

"Prep."

"I got cheesy puffs!" Patton exclaimed as he walked into the room with a wide grin on his face. Logan fought off a smile of his own as Patton set down the large bowl of cheese puffs and smoothing out his white skirt.

"Pat to the rescue." Virgil mumbled, then elbowed Logan. "L, you're staring."

"Falsehood." Logan had in fact been staring at Patton. Luckily, Patton had been distracted by Sasha running around his feet and barking happily. Patton was so cute...

God, he was in for a hell of a ride, wasn't he?

Then the doorbell rang.

Taglist: @sea-blue-child @ab-artist @freepaperie081 @soft-transboy @zamoradraw @beach-fan @nerdy-as-heck @cute-anxious-kitten @imjustawibba @angels-ofthe-sea @the-dumbster @theunoriginaldaisy @romansleftshoulderpad @what-a-catch-joe @all-hail-red-leader

General Taglist: @superkat500 @all-hail-red-leader @demonvirgil @llamaavocado @angels-ofthe-sea @anyay666 @detroit-become-pan @kaioanxiety @definitely-a-plant @shesavampirequeen

[okimargarvez]

LOVELY SIDE EFFECT

Original title: Piacevoli conseguenze.

Prompt: Luke get’s hurt, settled during 14x13.

Warning: none.

Genre: family, comedy, romantic.

Characters: Penelope Garcia, Luke Alvez, Roxy.

Pairing: Garvez.

Note: oneshot 46 in Garvez collection.

Legend: 💑😘🐶🎵.

Song mentioned: Troppo bene per stare male, Tiziano Ferro.

GARVEZ STORIES

LOVELY SIDE EFFECT

 As soon as they land, Penelope runs out of the waiting room and doesn't stop until she reaches the jet ladder. She completely ignores the rest of the team and approaches the Latin agent. -Luke!- she calls him, a first time with a tone obviously anxious, but also a certain amount of reproach. -Luke, what have you done?- is a rhetorical question, because she already knows the explanation, but she needs to vent everything she has felt since she received that call.

He scratches his head, somewhat embarrassed, though also pleased, of this sudden flare of interest in him by the oracle of the BAU. -It's nothing, it's just a superficial cut...- he tries to belittle the thing, while his cheeks turn red, because they are not alone, and he can feel on himself the looks of others who are coming down now from the plane.

-It's not a superficial cut!- she blurts, silencing him abruptly. Meanwhile one by one their colleagues passing next to them, someone showing indifference, someone leaving a nice little smile declared to be painted on his lips. -Reid told me, that...- she holds back for a second, trying to reject the need to say a dirty word, but then just can't do it. When its needed its needed. -...that bitch stabbed you!- she shouts, stifling the anger she feels. Luke is even more shocked because he has never seen her so nervous, nor has he ever heard her say a non-kind epithet to anyone. But he doesn't have time to think abut it, because he feels himself being dragged by one arm, the healthy one, fortunately. -Let's go to the emergency room, c' mon.- she says, pushing him towards the parking area.

He doesn't know why he is protesting, why he not just accepting what happens, because it is nice to be at the center of Penelope's thoughts. But maybe it depends on the fact that he doesn't want to weigh on her, he doesn't want to make her waste time. For once, it's better to selfishly enjoy the situation. -But they have already settled me...- he tries to convince her, not very decisive, while they are walking briskly in the direction of a very particular car, as well as its owner. Here is the famous Esther, whom he has heard about.

In any case, she doesn't want to hear it. She stops in front of the passenger seat and opens the door for him. Luke laughs; how many times did he imagine doing the same for her? He willingly accepts her help, though he would be able to do it himself, and tries to focus on something other than the blond woman's thighs a few inches from him. Here, that little bear that hangs next to the rearview mirror is perfect for him. -Maybe they weren't careful enough. - he hears her say, as she starts the engine and goes, leaving the BAU headquarters behind. -It's better to be sure.- she adds, in a lower tone of voice. Her eyes never leave the road. For a while, he limited himself to admiring her while she drives. Why does he think this is an extremely sexy thing? But everything she does makes her sexy, damn it. Her fingers moving on the steering wheel as she takes a turn or signals, or changes gear to stop at the traffic light, and those legs, so uncovered, and yet not enough...

He clears his throat, because he feels dry, despite being practically drooling. -Penelope...- then he comes out from his mouth, nothing more intelligent, in spite of the thousand high thoughts that run around his head. He always ends up making the idiot, with her.

He sees her looking at him just from the corner of her eye, just a second. -What?- she asks, passing the tongue on her lips, a gesture that she does when is extremely concentrated, is what Luke deduces, the profiler no longer in training.

He sighs and takes courage. He must take advantage of this moment, maybe she will never be so worried for him again, he doesn't get hurt so often, fortunately, even if he would be willing to take a bullet for her... Stay focused. -Are you okay?- here, he did it again, another stupid thing. But basically it is what he really wants to know. And it's also the only thing that matters.

To his surprise, the woman bursts out laughing. But it is a bitter laugh and certainly not amused. -You ask me if I'm okay?- she answers in turn with a question, just shaking her head, her hair dancing on the shoulders, so sensual. She seems to wonder how he could have dared to say such a thing. But then she changes her mind. -Yes, of course I'm fine.- she's lying, but so clearly that maybe he should consider it a mockery. -If it were not that two of the people I love most in the world risked being killed, but... they're the professional risks, right?- Luke doesn't hear the second half of the sentence, because his brain repeats like a broken record two of the people I love most in the world. One was Rossi, who lived something worse than him, even though he didn't want to talk about it with anyone. And the second was him. There is no need to ask for confirmation.

The man gives another sigh, looks out the window, then at the bear that seems to return his look and give him the coward and idiot. -You look angry...- he ventures to say, in a low voice, a sad tone, hoping that this is enough not to make her alter even more. She rolls her eyes, before taking a left turn. Luke knows that road well, and he knows that they are almost there to their goal.

Penelope waits a few seconds on purpose, to make him anxious. -No, no, angry, why should I be?- her tone is clearly ironic, but he can recognize many nuances of a wounded person, suffering. But he can't believe it could be for him. -I don't understand how Lisa can handle all of this every time.- the woman adds, but almost in a whisper, so that he can't hear it and doesn't even ask her to repeat. He just misses an ounce of courage to put his hand on hers on the gear while she is taking the last street.

-Are you angry with me?- he merely asks, shuddering, waiting for her answer. This time she doesn't make him wait a long time, she bursts out completely, even giving a punch at the wheel.

-Yes, I'm angry with you!- she admits, but incredibly doesn't scream and this makes it even worse. -Do you realize you could have been killed?- she says, twisting her lips until them bleached. -Think if she would have hit you in the artery, or in the heart ì...- he doesn't have time to correct her, she understands alone -no, surely you were wearing the bulletproof vest, but... but she could have hit your neck!- she concludes, satisfied that she has proved the validity of her theory.

This time Luke doesn't let himself be stopped by his fears of being rejected. -Hey, hey, breathe.- he says, with a sweet and affectionate tone, while he caresses her fingers on the steering wheel, with his right hand. -It's all right, it's just the arm, I was lucky.- he adds following the same melody. Penelope doesn't answer anything, doesn't react in any way, pretends to be too focused in finding a parking space.

-Yeah.- she opens his mouth again, before putting the handbrake on. -We arrived.-

 **

 A few hours later, they go back to the car. This time she doesn't open the door and Luke resists the temptation to return the favor, because he knows that if he did it, she would blame him because the doctor said he must rest, and it would not do any good to remind her that he has two arms, and he can still do a lot of things without compromising the injured limb.

Penelope, again, looks at him as little as possible. -So?- he asks her, feeling a little more secure than before. -Are you happy now?- Luke, however, turns his head without shame in her direction, and imprints the details of her face on the retinas.

-Yes.- she replies in a rather neutral tone, something too strange for Garcia, suspicious, and even worrisome. He looks at her fingers go automatically on the radio knob, old-fashioned, very charming, like... like her. All without obviously looking away from the guide.

My dear love, I dreamed of you, tormented inundated by the sea, I woke up and I saw, it's a relief to go away, it's an offense to stay...

He doesn't let distract by music anyway, he stays focused on her, just for a change. -Mmm, you don't seem to me quiet.- he has the courage to point out.

Penelope seems annoyed, upset. -Alvez, please, try to shut up.- his first reaction to being called by surname is sadness. He is now used to being Luke for her too. But then, the malice takes over, the desire to prick her, because he loves their bickering and he missed a bit them.

...it's a crime remain closed in this dark place, a joy to find myself talking about the future... shame... rancor... refreshment... but now forgiveness, forgiveness.

He then frowns, and looks at her through the rearview mirror. -I am Alvez, now?- even the tone that comes out is provocative and flirting. She tries to show indifferent or irritated by his tricks, but a half smile escapes her, and she hurries to erase it.

-Well, the fact that you are hurt doesn't change your being unbearable.- she answers, shuts him up and clearly enjoying this quick success. In fact, Luke is not offended, on the contrary, he is in turn pleased with her ability to develop sharp and spot on answers. Another of the things he finds sexy in her. Probably (surely) even if he saw her throw a card in the trash, he would think how sexy she is. You will come back hurt seriously rather than offer a remedy and then heal... you will walk forever in silence rather than telling me even once "comes back to me"! It is for this reason if he is silent, paying attention to the words of that strange song for the first time. Too late to make it better, too better now to feel bad, I'm too good now to feel bad, I'm too better! And apparently, it's not the only one. -Look, even the radio is make fun about your stupidity!- she points out, just giggling. The man doesn't reply anything, he just smiles and enjoys that sound. Unfortunately, at this time the traffic is much little, so too early he sees the street where he lives. -We arrived.- in fact, Penelope says, parking a short distance.

Luke scratches his head, feeling that he should say something smart, at least now, before saying goodbye, something that makes her at least guess how much she impressed him and made him happy to receive her attention, so that maybe it can repeat in the future, maybe without he must get a stab... -Well, then... thanks for the ride.- but his brain, once again, doesn't want to collaborate. He curses himself, but tries not to show her own inner struggle, so as not to seem also crazy.

But Penelope still has a wild card to surprise him with. -What do you think?- she asks, looking at him perhaps for the first time in three or four hours directly in the eyes. How much he missed doing it. When he looks at her, something happens inside of him, it's hard to explain, it's not that everything around him disappears, but he can't see it perfectly. -I have to make sure you're not alone.- she says, speaking as if it were an obvious fact and he was a fool for not having understand it on his own. Luke doesn't feel like replying, but as a small personal revenge he slams the car door, still receiving a bad look. And he also opens the door. -Is Lisa at home?- she asks as they get on the elevator to reach the floor of his apartment.

He understands that this would be the right time to tell her, to let her know the big news, but then, he can't do it. -No.- he answers. -In fact...- just at that moment the doors open and he surrenders. Who doesn't know how, she is able take possession of the keys, she steals them and turns them in the lock, as if this had always been her home.

As soon as she enters, she is overwhelmed by an orange tornado. -Roxy!- she exclaims in a sweet tone, bending down to let himself be kissed. -Hello lovely!- she caresses her and makes some little cricket behind her ears. There was never a need for him to tell her that her dog loved that kind of pampering, she already knew it by herself. -Be a good girl, daddy is a bit battered...- she adds in a lower tone, but not enough for Luke, who hears it. The man trembles, feeling overwhelmed, submerged by too many emotions. Then she stands up and seems to notice some other details. -But... where are her things?- she looks at him, looking for some telltale sign, in search of the lie she thinks he will say. -Why is your house so... empty?- it's clear how she tried to look for another type of adjective, but she couldn't find it.

Luke sighs. This time it's inevitable, he has to tell her. And why he doesn't want her to know? He knows perfectly well that he will never have even a 0.000000001% of hope, until Penelope will continue to believe that he is involved with another girl. -Well, you know... we broke.- it's all he can stutter. Because he also knew that she would take it badly, certainly more than him. Because she thinks he's sad, maybe that Lisa was the love of his life... but it's not like that.

And in fact, this time no unexpected surprises, everything going as expected. -What?- she asks first, unable to conceive of it, blinking her eyes and opening her splendid red mouth wide. -When?- she adds, with the same expression on her face.

He is about to tremble. -It... it was shortly after that thing of the party at my house...- he explains, reluctantly, clarifying with his own way of making his discomfort and his intention not to add other details. She seems to give him a truce.

-And you didn't say anything to anyone?- is the third question in a row that she asks. It looks like an interrogation, but he survived to the polygraph, and it gave him less stress. -Or only to me?- she adds, suddenly, looking at him already with a wounded expression.

He can't allow her to believe that he doesn't trust her, that he was afraid that by telling her, in a while all the building would know everything, like that time with Tara's brother. -No- he is quickly to deny then -look, I...- but then he fails to add anything else, has a lump in the throat and although he is not about to cry, his eyes are still big and shiny, and she, believing that both are for the pain of having loosing Lisa, she feels the need to comfort him.

-Oh, Luke! - she exclaims with a tone so sweet, broken voice, which reminds him when he came out of the elevator to give her Lou, after... he doesn't want to think about it now. Penelope hugs him, holding him tightly against her. Nothing to do with their first hug, which he also had enjoyed immensely. But then she comes off suddenly. -Oh, sorry, I didn't want to hurt you!- she says, bringing her hands to her face, worried and guilty, although he hasn't even issued a moan of pain. -How are you?- she asks him, stretching out her hand as if to verify something, and then pulls away halfway.

He feels obliged to reassure her and once again he is forced to fight with his own fear. -No, no, I'm fine and even if it was painful, it would be worth it.- he can even add, amazing first of all himself. He expects her to laugh in his face, makes fun of him or finds a way to belittle what sounds like a half declaration, like "If I ever do become the someone...". Instead, Penelope blinks and bites her lips.

-Oh, how sweet you are!- she says, letting go to the emotion. -But then how will you do it, are you going to be ok alone?- she starts again with the concerns. If he wasn't afraid that she could misunderstand him again, Luke would giggle or at least smile. -Do you need help?- she asks him directly, and he certainly can't answer with the truth. -I don't have anyone waiting for me at home, except from Sergio, but he will survive... if I can do something for you...- again he can hardly hold back, but he feels a thrill of excitement when she, innocently, points out the fact that only her black cat awaits her, not another man, Canadian or of other nationalities.

He just shakes his head. -Uhu, Penelope, I don't know, you've already done a lot and...- it seems that without wanting to have said the right thing, he has expressed the correct magic formula. The woman lights up and returns to show decisive, as when she dragged him to her car, now a lifetime ago.

-C'mon, don't even joke.- she exclaims, only realizing at that moment that she is still wearing her coat. She goes to hang it where once there was a doctor's coat. -Now I'm going to make you a cup of tea, which is always a good idea.- it is clear that it is not a negotiable option. -Sit up, like a good guy.- she gives him a slight nudge, forcing him to execute her kind order. Then she fades into the kitchen, leaving him alone with his own thoughts. It is the first time that there are only two of them in his house. Except from Roxy, who looks at him as if she too thought he was a stupid, moreover without courage. Then he realizes that she has been away for too long and reaches her.

He sees first two steaming cups and then she, her shoulders bent and head bowed, her body jerking slightly. He has to be completely silent to catch her sobs. -Garcia?- he calls her a first time. -Garcia?- he tries again, but she doesn't move. -Penelope?- he exclaims then, in no way hiding his concern. -Penelope, are you... are you crying?- he takes a step towards her, and then another. She just turns around. She doesn't dry her eyes, like the other time, but she doesn't try to deny the obvious.

-No, yes... just a little.- she admits at the end. Luke just doesn't get there.

-Why?- he asks, stroking her shoulders and seeing her jump. -Did something happen that I don't know?- a thousand theories go through his head in those brief seconds.

-No, it's just that...- she still doubts whether to say it and then throws herself. -I realized suddenly that I really risked losing you.- she confesses, and takes a little too much to correct herself. -We risked losing you, I wanted to say.- he doesn't point out this to her, because he understands that it could only make the situation worse and risk that she could closing up even more like a hedgehog. -It'll pass.- she reassures him, but her cheeks are still red, like the eyes.

-You will not get rid of me so easily, baby.- it escapes him, without any premeditation, as it happens too rarely to him to get real results. She doesn't seem to want let him off the hook, and turns completely towards him, raising a single eyebrow.

-Baby?- she repeats, confused, but apparently not annoyed.

Luke knows that now the damage is done, then shrugs. -What, did I do wrong?- for his immense joy, Penelope shakes her head and smiles.

-No, it's just that it's... it's weird.- he agrees with her, nods. It's weird, but in a good way, it's weird because it's new, it's weird because he's not Derek and he feels more for her than the chocolate thunder. -Now we have to drink tea, before it becomes cold.- she can find a way to change the subject, grabs everything and moves to the living room, quickly followed by the man.

 **

 They didn't mention the moment when she should have gone to her house, because neither of them wanted it to come. That's why it's late-night, and she's still there, sitting on his couch, while he's gone to the room to change his clothes. -Urgh, I would like to know how the hell a person could take off a shirt with one arm only.- she can't hear every word, but especially catches his moans and his pain screams held back. -In the movies they make it seem so easy...- she gets up and stops at the door, undecided whether to knock, then the hand acts without asking permission to the heart.

-Luke, is everything ok?- she asks. -Can I go in?- but she has already opened the door, because in fact only in case he was naked she could stop.

-Yes, come in, even if I'm not a pretty picture.- Luke answers. For a moment she seriously thinks of beating him for the bullshit he said. In what condition, in which universe Luke Alvez could not be more than excellent sight for the eyes? But then she desists and only sighs, annoyed.

She notices first the sweat on his forehead, then his eyes, bright and his expression so depressed and disappointed. -What... why did not you call me?- she asks him, without waiting for an answer that doesn't really interest her, because she has her theories. -You shouldn't be ashamed of me. By now we are like brother and sister.- he can't bear this.

-Mmm, brother and sister?- he shakes his head and decides that he couldn't be more humiliated. -I don't think about you as a sister, Garcia.- he raises his eyebrows and gives her a clear and determined look. Penelope, however, is able to get out of hindrances.

-Ok, take a deep breath, courage...- she approaches and gently begins to pull out one arm, then the other and the head last, until he remains bare chested. -Huh...- even he, from the height of his ingenuity, he realizes that the moment of confusion is due to his pectorals, so he stops feeling embarrassed. -Here, done.- she exclaims, shivering, before recovering completely. -Yes.- she nods to herself. -Now we put the other shirt.- she speaks with a soft and calm tone, as if he were a child, and manages to make him perform the operation in a totally painless way. -Finished.- she sighs. Then she seems to realize the way Luke is staring at her. -Maybe... maybe now I should come back to my home.- she tries to take a step away from him, realizing that she is too much, too close him, although in recent weeks they have been very close, but not so much. But he stops her, grabs her by the arm, naturally using the right hand, the healthy one.

-No, wait.- she stops, giving herself the excuse that she does so not to make him do useless efforts. -Penelope, did... did you worry about me? But I mean really really worried?- the specification is necessary, because he doesn't want to live in the gray area anymore. He wants concreteness and security, he wants her to help him get dressed for the whole week in which he has to keep the bandage, and he also wants that she not go back to her house tonight.

-I..- she falters, feeling trapped. -...no, I was worried about Roxy and Lisa, that is, when I thought you were still with her, and then without you how I could do it, with whom I could make joke and...- she raves, and usually he loves hearing her talk, listening the sound of her voice, but he understands that there is also something else that he can love even more, so he catches her again, this time by placing his palm open hand on her back and pushing her towards him, until their lips meet, attracted like magnets from opposite poles. -What... but you were not hurt?- she doesn't ask him why he kissed her, her only concern is his health, and he almost lets himself be moved by seeing her so stubborn, but then malice overcomes because a kiss alone can not be enough for him. In fact, the hand remained on her back.

-Yes, but in the left arm, the right one is in great shape and I don't need much else to...- he winks, but then moves on to concrete facts, moving lower, slowly, just because he doesn't want to ruin everything because of the rush.

-Hey, honey, stay fresh.- here's the playful Garcia. -They told you that you don't have to force it, you don't have to make sudden movements.- she reminds him, trying to instill a little common sense to the man. Luke snorts, making her giggle.

-Imagine if I couldn't have this misfortune.- he exclaims, clearly annoyed. She keeps laughing. -But I'm not a mummy, I can still do a lot of things...- he knows it's a losing battle, but as they say, sometimes the best part it's in the journey, not in the destination. And in this case the best part is in playing with her even knowing the verdict already.

-How long have you like me?- she asks him, surprising him for the umpteenth time. The man scratches his head, for a moment, letting himself be panicked, as he would have done before kissing her. But then he remembers this little detail.

-Urgh, a question a bit too direct.- he comments, taking time and certainly not because he doesn't know the answer. -I think... since we met.- he reveals, not too embarrassed. Penelope nods, as if to say that she hadn't expected anything different, although nothing before the kiss had let him believe that she knew what he felt for her.

-Practically three years.- she points out in a decisive tone, as if she were simply quoting a case report. -You held on for three years, you can resist two more weeks, don't you think?- that's where she wanted to go.

-Ugh.- Luke snorts again, sitting on the bed with a thud. Roxy licks his hand, as if to share his pain.

-Come on, don't make that face.- Penelope affectionately scolds him, caressing his cheeks and sitting next to him. -There's always something we can do anyway.- she says, winking, before starting over where they had stopped.

TAGS: @theshamelessmanatee  @arses21434 @kathy5654 @martinab26 @reidskitty13 @jenf42 @gracieeelizabeth27 @silviajajaja @smalliemichelle99 @charchampagne14 @thinitta   @myhollyhanna23 @garvezz @mercedes-maldonado  @shyladystudentfan

[jekunitrash]

Chaos in the Alicein household

Prologue

They were all standing in a very spacious and white room where only shattered glass and some stains of blood from the previous battle could be seen. Tsubaki had finally surrendered after the Servamps and Eves ( mainly the sloth pair ) beat some sense into him. Well they really tried to use the pacific method and solve this conflict with words only, but the servamp of Melancholy was stubborn so in the end they had to put up a fight. 

Still, they were somehow able to convince him to stop, and that it was foolish to fight. Tsubaki truly gave in when the other servamps promised to treat him like their little brother now that they understood his circumstances. Kuro also apologized for killing the creator and it was clear to everyone in the room that he meant every word. Mahiru was proud of his partner for that, he could see how much he changed and he was glad Kuro found the strenght to move on.

Since the C3 was now on their side too, Johannes could pursue his research on how to give back their powers to Hyde, Lily and Hugh. Their eves actually had to enter their minds in order to talk to their "true self" so they could reform a stronger bond. Lawless was now even more clingy and kept hugging Licht at random times. The latter surprisingly didn't seem to mind, in fact it was quite the opposite.

Hugh and Lily were also back to their usual selves, which made their partners really happy and relieved. However, something was bothering Misono: he still hadn't talked to Mikuni about the... painful event which occured many years ago. He only learnt recently why his older brother did such a terrible thing, but at least he could now have a real discussion with him. He was ready to forgive Mikuni.

That's why he didn't hesitate to walk in his direction. He didn't hesitate to ask him if they could talk in private, either. Hesitations weren't needed anymore. Mikuni was taken aback at first but soon followed after his brother. Jeje, who remained silent until then, was going to ask what was going on when Lily put a hand on his shoulder. He smiled to the tall vampire in a reassuring manner and Jeje instantly understood. He was still worried, though, he knew it was difficult for Mikuni to talk about that event. He was the one who had to comfort him after every nightmare during all those years.

The two brothers chose to go in the next room. They didn't want to be interrupted, and it was something they wanted to discuss seriously. The atmosphere around them felt heavy, they could both feel the tension emanating from each other. Misono was the first to talk.

-"You...know what I want to talk about, right ?"

Of course he knew. He just wasn't sure he would be able to remain calm and composed. He didn't want to mess up and lose his only opportunity to reconciliate with his dear little brother. 

-" Yes..."

"Then I will be direct. First of all, I understand why you did what you did and I want you to know that I don't resent you anymore. Well, actually... I think I never really resented you... I was just angry. And frustrated. Because I could't figure out why you killed your mother. But also... I was upset because you looked so sad and so scared that night. Lily always kept it a secret from me, but when I was finally allowed to learn the truth, I thought I had to tell you this: I forgive you, Mikuni. So please stop blaming yourself. Dad also wants you to come back."

The blonde was speechless. He was feeling all sorts of contradictory emotions. He was relieved but at the same time anxious, happy but scared. Scared that he might have misunderstood , scared to say something that would ruin everything. He kept staring at Misono with his mouth slightly open in schock, frozen in place. The youngest of the two noticed this but he didn't know what to do next. He briefly considered snapping at him but he knew it wouldn't help in this situation. So he did the only other thing he could think about: he hugged him. And that's when Mikuni broke. He let out all the tears he had kept bottled up. He was shaking, and he probably looked pathetic right now but he didn't care. Misono accepted him. He forgave him, and he was willing to live with him as a family again. Once he let all the tears flow he realised that his younger brother had also been crying. They stared at each other and Mikuni chuckled.

-"My, look at us. Our servamps are going to wonder what happened. I can hear Lily's worried voice from here.

Misono rolled his eyes before saying "I see you are back to your old annoying self"

"That's mean little bro!" Mikuni exclaimed while looking offended. 

They both laughed before deciding it was time to go back to the others. It had been a while already and they were really going to worry. All the servamps and eves stopped whatever they were doing when they entered the room, which made them a bit uneasy. Mikuni just decided to play it cool like usual and said:

"Sorry for the wait, my cute little bro and I had some important matter to discuss. Right Abel?"

He then started to play with his doll which made some of them sweatdrop. Mahiru then asked:

"Does that mean everything is solved between you guys then?" He asked that with a bright smile on his face. The two Aliceins looked at each other before returning his smile. Both Lily and Jeje were really glad then, although the latter wasn't showing it. His relationship with his Eve had never been easy because of the reason for their contract but hopefully that would change now.

-"But man I'm tireeeed. And hungry." Hyde said all of a sudden. This resulted in him getting hit by Licht for being noisy and irritating. 

Misono then suggested that they all go eat somewhere and go home after. They all agreed, and Mikuni smiled since he finally had a home to return to.

Here is the prologue of the first story I wrote on Wattpad, so you can read it on this app if you prefer. I'm new to Tumblr so the quality probably won't be that great, sorry!

[yes-dal456]

11 Signs That You Lack Emotional Intelligence

When emotional intelligence (EQ) first appeared to the masses, it served as the missing link in a peculiar finding: people with average IQs outperform those with the highest IQs 70 percent of the time. This anomaly threw a massive wrench into the broadly held assumption that IQ was the sole source of success.

Decades of research now point to emotional intelligence as being the critical factor that sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. The connection is so strong that 90 percent of top performers have high emotional intelligence.

“No doubt emotional intelligence is more rare than book smarts, but my experience says it is actually more important in the making of a leader. You just can’t ignore it.” – Jack Welch

Emotional intelligence is the “something” in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions to achieve positive results.

Despite the significance of EQ, its intangible nature makes it very difficult to know how much you have and what you can do to improve if you’re lacking. You can always take a scientifically validated test, such as the one that comes with the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book.

Unfortunately, quality (scientifically valid) EQ tests aren’t free. So, I’ve analyzed the data from the million-plus people TalentSmart has tested in order to identify the behaviors that are the hallmarks of a low EQ. These are the behaviors that you want to eliminate from your repertoire.

1. You get stressed easily.

When you stuff your feelings, they quickly build into the uncomfortable sensations of tension, stress, and anxiety. Unaddressed emotions strain the mind and body. Your emotional intelligence skills help make stress more manageable by enabling you to spot and tackle tough situations before things escalate.

People who fail to use their emotional intelligence skills are more likely to turn to other, less effective means of managing their mood. They are twice as likely to experience anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and even thoughts of suicide.

2. You have difficulty asserting yourself.

People with high EQs balance good manners, empathy, and kindness with the ability to assert themselves and establish boundaries. This tactful combination is ideal for handling conflict. When most people are crossed, they default to passive or aggressive behavior. Emotionally intelligent people remain balanced and assertive by steering themselves away from unfiltered emotional reactions. This enables them to neutralize difficult and toxic people without creating enemies.

3. You have a limited emotional vocabulary.

All people experience emotions, but it is a select few who can accurately identify them as they occur. Our research shows that only 36 percent of people can do this, which is problematic because unlabeled emotions often go misunderstood, which leads to irrational choices and counterproductive actions. People with high EQs master their emotions because they understand them, and they use an extensive vocabulary of feelings to do so. While many people might describe themselves as simply feeling “bad,” emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint whether they feel “irritable,” “frustrated,” “downtrodden,” or “anxious.” The more specific your word choice, the better insight you have into exactly how you are feeling, what caused it, and what you should do about it.

4. You make assumptions quickly and defend them vehemently.

People who lack EQ form an opinion quickly and then succumb to confirmation bias, meaning they gather evidence that supports their opinion and ignore any evidence to the contrary. More often than not, they argue, ad nauseam, to support it. This is especially dangerous for leaders, as their under-thought-out ideas become the entire team’s strategy. Emotionally intelligent people let their thoughts marinate, because they know that initial reactions are driven by emotions. They give their thoughts time to develop and consider the possible consequences and counter-arguments. Then, they communicate their developed idea in the most effective way possible, taking into account the needs and opinions of their audience.

5. You hold grudges.

The negative emotions that come with holding on to a grudge are actually a stress response. Just thinking about the event sends your body into fight-or-flight mode, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. When a threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival, but when a threat is ancient history, holding on to that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have shown that holding on to stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding on to a grudge means you’re holding on to stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs. Letting go of a grudge not only makes you feel better now but can also improve your health.

6. You don’t let go of mistakes.

Emotionally intelligent people distance themselves from their mistakes, but they do so without forgetting them. By keeping their mistakes at a safe distance, yet still handy enough to refer to, they are able to adapt and adjust for future success. It takes refined self-awareness to walk this tightrope between dwelling and remembering. Dwelling too long on your mistakes makes you anxious and gun shy, while forgetting about them completely makes you bound to repeat them. The key to balance lies in your ability to transform failures into nuggets of improvement. This creates the tendency to get right back up every time you fall down.

7. You often feel misunderstood.

When you lack emotional intelligence, it’s hard to understand how you come across to others. You feel misunderstood because you don’t deliver your message in a way that people can understand. Even with practice, emotionally intelligent people know that they don’t communicate every idea perfectly. They catch on when people don’t understand what they are saying, adjust their approach, and re-communicate their idea in a way that can be understood.

8. You don’t know your triggers.

Everyone has triggers—situations and people that push their buttons and cause them to act impulsively. Emotionally intelligent people study their triggers and use this knowledge to sidestep situations and people before they get the best of them.

9. You don’t get angry.

Emotional intelligence is not about being nice; it’s about managing your emotions to achieve the best possible outcomes. Sometimes this means showing people that you’re upset, sad, or frustrated. Constantly masking your emotions with happiness and positivity isn’t genuine or productive. Emotionally intelligent people employ negative and positive emotions intentionally in the appropriate situations.

10. You blame other people for how they make you feel.

Emotions come from within. It’s tempting to attribute how you feel to the actions of others, but you must take responsibility for your emotions. No one can make you feel anything that you don’t want to. Thinking otherwise only holds you back.

11. You’re easily offended.

If you have a firm grasp of who you are, it’s difficult for someone to say or do something that gets your goat. Emotionally intelligent people are self-confident and open-minded, which create a pretty thick skin. You may even poke fun at yourself or let other people make jokes about you because you are able to mentally draw the line between humor and degradation.

Bringing It All Together

Unlike your IQ, your EQ is highly malleable. As you train your brain by repeatedly practicing new emotionally intelligent behaviors, it builds the pathways needed to make them into habits. As your brain reinforces the use of these new behaviors, the connections supporting old, destructive behaviors die off. Before long, you begin responding to your surroundings with emotional intelligence without even having to think about it.

Please share your thoughts in the comments section, as I learn just as much from you as you do from me. If you’d like to learn more about emotional intelligence, my book Emotional Intelligence 2.0 is a great place to start.

type=type=RelatedArticlesblockTitle=Related... + articlesList=569c5649e4b0ce496424e41c,55bf5f93e4b0d4f33a033c16

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from http://ift.tt/2mWXLRI from Blogger http://ift.tt/2lQxKUb

[imreviewblog]

11 Signs That You Lack Emotional Intelligence

When emotional intelligence (EQ) first appeared to the masses, it served as the missing link in a peculiar finding: people with average IQs outperform those with the highest IQs 70 percent of the time. This anomaly threw a massive wrench into the broadly held assumption that IQ was the sole source of success.

Decades of research now point to emotional intelligence as being the critical factor that sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. The connection is so strong that 90 percent of top performers have high emotional intelligence.

“No doubt emotional intelligence is more rare than book smarts, but my experience says it is actually more important in the making of a leader. You just can’t ignore it.” – Jack Welch

Emotional intelligence is the “something” in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions to achieve positive results.

Despite the significance of EQ, its intangible nature makes it very difficult to know how much you have and what you can do to improve if you’re lacking. You can always take a scientifically validated test, such as the one that comes with the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book.

Unfortunately, quality (scientifically valid) EQ tests aren’t free. So, I’ve analyzed the data from the million-plus people TalentSmart has tested in order to identify the behaviors that are the hallmarks of a low EQ. These are the behaviors that you want to eliminate from your repertoire.

1. You get stressed easily.

When you stuff your feelings, they quickly build into the uncomfortable sensations of tension, stress, and anxiety. Unaddressed emotions strain the mind and body. Your emotional intelligence skills help make stress more manageable by enabling you to spot and tackle tough situations before things escalate.

People who fail to use their emotional intelligence skills are more likely to turn to other, less effective means of managing their mood. They are twice as likely to experience anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and even thoughts of suicide.

2. You have difficulty asserting yourself.

People with high EQs balance good manners, empathy, and kindness with the ability to assert themselves and establish boundaries. This tactful combination is ideal for handling conflict. When most people are crossed, they default to passive or aggressive behavior. Emotionally intelligent people remain balanced and assertive by steering themselves away from unfiltered emotional reactions. This enables them to neutralize difficult and toxic people without creating enemies.

3. You have a limited emotional vocabulary.

All people experience emotions, but it is a select few who can accurately identify them as they occur. Our research shows that only 36 percent of people can do this, which is problematic because unlabeled emotions often go misunderstood, which leads to irrational choices and counterproductive actions. People with high EQs master their emotions because they understand them, and they use an extensive vocabulary of feelings to do so. While many people might describe themselves as simply feeling “bad,” emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint whether they feel “irritable,” “frustrated,” “downtrodden,” or “anxious.” The more specific your word choice, the better insight you have into exactly how you are feeling, what caused it, and what you should do about it.

4. You make assumptions quickly and defend them vehemently.

People who lack EQ form an opinion quickly and then succumb to confirmation bias, meaning they gather evidence that supports their opinion and ignore any evidence to the contrary. More often than not, they argue, ad nauseam, to support it. This is especially dangerous for leaders, as their under-thought-out ideas become the entire team’s strategy. Emotionally intelligent people let their thoughts marinate, because they know that initial reactions are driven by emotions. They give their thoughts time to develop and consider the possible consequences and counter-arguments. Then, they communicate their developed idea in the most effective way possible, taking into account the needs and opinions of their audience.

5. You hold grudges.

The negative emotions that come with holding on to a grudge are actually a stress response. Just thinking about the event sends your body into fight-or-flight mode, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. When a threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival, but when a threat is ancient history, holding on to that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have shown that holding on to stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding on to a grudge means you’re holding on to stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs. Letting go of a grudge not only makes you feel better now but can also improve your health.

6. You don’t let go of mistakes.

Emotionally intelligent people distance themselves from their mistakes, but they do so without forgetting them. By keeping their mistakes at a safe distance, yet still handy enough to refer to, they are able to adapt and adjust for future success. It takes refined self-awareness to walk this tightrope between dwelling and remembering. Dwelling too long on your mistakes makes you anxious and gun shy, while forgetting about them completely makes you bound to repeat them. The key to balance lies in your ability to transform failures into nuggets of improvement. This creates the tendency to get right back up every time you fall down.

7. You often feel misunderstood.

When you lack emotional intelligence, it’s hard to understand how you come across to others. You feel misunderstood because you don’t deliver your message in a way that people can understand. Even with practice, emotionally intelligent people know that they don’t communicate every idea perfectly. They catch on when people don’t understand what they are saying, adjust their approach, and re-communicate their idea in a way that can be understood.

8. You don’t know your triggers.

Everyone has triggers—situations and people that push their buttons and cause them to act impulsively. Emotionally intelligent people study their triggers and use this knowledge to sidestep situations and people before they get the best of them.

9. You don’t get angry.

Emotional intelligence is not about being nice; it’s about managing your emotions to achieve the best possible outcomes. Sometimes this means showing people that you’re upset, sad, or frustrated. Constantly masking your emotions with happiness and positivity isn’t genuine or productive. Emotionally intelligent people employ negative and positive emotions intentionally in the appropriate situations.

10. You blame other people for how they make you feel.

Emotions come from within. It’s tempting to attribute how you feel to the actions of others, but you must take responsibility for your emotions. No one can make you feel anything that you don’t want to. Thinking otherwise only holds you back.

11. You’re easily offended.

If you have a firm grasp of who you are, it’s difficult for someone to say or do something that gets your goat. Emotionally intelligent people are self-confident and open-minded, which create a pretty thick skin. You may even poke fun at yourself or let other people make jokes about you because you are able to mentally draw the line between humor and degradation.

Bringing It All Together

Unlike your IQ, your EQ is highly malleable. As you train your brain by repeatedly practicing new emotionally intelligent behaviors, it builds the pathways needed to make them into habits. As your brain reinforces the use of these new behaviors, the connections supporting old, destructive behaviors die off. Before long, you begin responding to your surroundings with emotional intelligence without even having to think about it.

Please share your thoughts in the comments section, as I learn just as much from you as you do from me. If you’d like to learn more about emotional intelligence, my book Emotional Intelligence 2.0 is a great place to start.

type=type=RelatedArticlesblockTitle=Related... + articlesList=569c5649e4b0ce496424e41c,55bf5f93e4b0d4f33a033c16

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://huff.to/2mfIE2f

[jamiegodwin]

11 Signs That You Lack Emotional Intelligence

This was such a good read that I needed to share. This is why the Just Being Emotional Intelligence course is so valuable. You can follow the original article here.

When emotional intelligence (EQ) first appeared to the masses, it served as the missing link in a peculiar finding: people with average IQs outperform those with the highest IQs 70 percent of the time. This anomaly threw a massive wrench into the broadly held assumption that IQ was the sole source of success.

Decades of research now point to emotional intelligence as being the critical factor that sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. The connection is so strong that 90 percent of top performers have high emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is the “something” in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions to achieve positive results.

Despite the significance of EQ, its intangible nature makes it very difficult to know how much you have and what you can do to improve if you’re lacking. You can always take a scientifically validated test, such as the one that comes with the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book.

Unfortunately, quality (scientifically valid) EQ tests aren’t free. So, I’ve analyzed the data from the million-plus people TalentSmart has tested in order to identify the behaviors that are the hallmarks of a low EQ. These are the behaviors that you want to eliminate from your repertoire.

1. You get stressed easily. When you stuff your feelings, they quickly build into the uncomfortable sensations of tension, stress and anxiety. Unaddressed emotions strain the mind and body. Your emotional intelligence skills help make stress more manageable by enabling you to spot and tackle tough situations before things escalate.

People who fail to use their emotional intelligence skills are more likely to turn to other, less effective means of managing their mood. They are twice as likely to experience anxiety, depression, substance abuse and even thoughts of suicide.

2. You have difficulty asserting yourself. People with high EQs balance good manners, empathy and kindness with the ability to assert themselves and establish boundaries. This tactful combination is ideal for handling conflict. When most people are crossed, they default to passive or aggressive behavior. Emotionally intelligent people remain balanced and assertive by steering themselves away from unfiltered emotional reactions. This enables them to neutralize difficult and toxic people without creating enemies.

3. You have a limited emotional vocabulary. All people experience emotions, but it is a select few who can accurately identify them as they occur. Our research shows that only 36 percent of people can do this, which is problematic because unlabeled emotions often go misunderstood, which leads to irrational choices and counterproductive actions. People with high EQs master their emotions because they understand them, and they use an extensive vocabulary of feelings to do so. While many people might describe themselves as simply feeling “bad,” emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint whether they feel “irritable,” “frustrated,” “downtrodden” or “anxious.” The more specific your word choice, the better insight you have into exactly how you are feeling, what caused it and what you should do about it.

4. You make assumptions quickly and defend them vehemently. People who lack EQ form an opinion quickly and then succumb to confirmation bias, meaning they gather evidence that supports their opinion and ignore any evidence to the contrary. More often than not, they argue, ad nauseam, to support it. This is especially dangerous for leaders, as their under-thought-out ideas become the entire team’s strategy. Emotionally intelligent people let their thoughts marinate, because they know that initial reactions are driven by emotions. They give their thoughts time to develop and consider the possible consequences and counter-arguments. Then, they communicate their developed idea in the most effective way possible, taking into account the needs and opinions of their audience.

5. You hold grudges. The negative emotions that come with holding on to a grudge are actually a stress response. Just thinking about the event sends your body into fight-or-flight mode, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. When a threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival, but when a threat is ancient history, holding on to that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have shown that holding on to stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding on to a grudge means you’re holding on to stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs. Letting go of a grudge not only makes you feel better now but can also improve your health.

6. You don’t let go of mistakes. Emotionally intelligent people distance themselves from their mistakes, but they do so without forgetting them. By keeping their mistakes at a safe distance, yet still handy enough to refer to, they are able to adapt and adjust for future success. It takes refined self-awareness to walk this tightrope between dwelling and remembering. Dwelling too long on your mistakes makes you anxious and gun shy, while forgetting about them completely makes you bound to repeat them. The key to balance lies in your ability to transform failures into nuggets of improvement. This creates the tendency to get right back up every time you fall down.

7. You often feel misunderstood. When you lack emotional intelligence, it’s hard to understand how you come across to others. You feel misunderstood because you don’t deliver your message in a way that people can understand. Even with practice, emotionally intelligent people know that they don’t communicate every idea perfectly. They catch on when people don’t understand what they are saying, adjust their approach and re-communicate their idea in a way that can be understood.

8. You don’t know your triggers. Everyone has triggers — situations and people that push their buttons and cause them to act impulsively. Emotionally intelligent people study their triggers and use this knowledge to sidestep situations and people before they get the best of them.

9. You don’t get angry. Emotional intelligence is not about being nice; it’s about managing your emotions to achieve the best possible outcomes. Sometimes this means showing people that you’re upset, sad or frustrated. Constantly masking your emotions with happiness and positivity isn’t genuine or productive. Emotionally intelligent people employ negative and positive emotions intentionally in the appropriate situations.

10. You blame other people for how they make you feel. Emotions come from within. It’s tempting to attribute how you feel to the actions of others, but you must take responsibility for your emotions. No one can make you feel anything that you don’t want to. Thinking otherwise only holds you back.

11. You’re easily offended. If you have a firm grasp of who you are, it’s difficult for someone to say or do something that gets your goat. Emotionally intelligent people are self-confident and open-minded, which create a pretty thick skin. You may even poke fun at yourself or let other people make jokes about you because you are able to mentally draw the line between humor and degradation.

Bringing It All Together Unlike your IQ, your EQ is highly malleable. As you train your brain by repeatedly practicing new emotionally intelligent behaviors, it builds the pathways needed to make them into habits. As your brain reinforces the use of these new behaviors, the connections supporting old, destructive behaviors die off. Before long, you begin responding to your surroundings with emotional intelligence without even having to think about it.

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