#I gladly would have taken on another part and im sure a lot of other good artists would have too but noooooo

[bunnieswithknives]

Kinda old thing I made for a YHS map but I was really really proud of it at the time so I still wanna share it 😢

[watchmegetobsessed]

SLEEPLESS

a/n: omg! it's been so long since i last wrote something for harry so it feels a bit weird but in a good way to be back. i've been spending more time offline so writing hasn't been going that fast like before, but im working on a few other stuff too! just please be patient with me, im trying my besti swear! so now enjoy this oneshot of two oblivious and stupid roommates who start sharing a bed...

pairing: Roommate!Harry x reader

word count: 8.1k

masterlist

Living with three boys has its perks but also a lot of downsides too. It’s not how you planned, you were set to move in with one of your friends from second year, but she bailed on you last minute, leaving you with no place to live when most of the houses were already taken for the next at least one year. You were bracing yourself to sleep under a bridge or something already when your heroes came along.

You went to high school with Harry Niall and Louis, but you weren’t exactly in the same friend group, just knew about each other. Then you ended up in the same Lit class freshman year with Harry and he was basically your pass into their little group. You hit it off pretty easily and you always wondered why you didn’t become friends before college. Later you had two more classes with him in the second semester and it was just all a coincidence that he found out about your living situation.

“Why don’t you move in with us?” he prompted one afternoon when you were studying together in the library.

“I’m not sharing a room with any of you, Harry,” you sighed, shaking your head.

“You wouldn’t have to. We had a fourth mate living with us but he dropped out about a month ago. You could take his bedroom.”

“Are for real? You should talk about it with the boys first, don’t you think?”

“I’m sure they wouldn’t mind it. They like you too and if I’m being honest, the place could use the touch of a woman,” he smirked and you just rolled your eyes, but you were incredibly thankful for the offer.

So after talking with Niall and Louis about it and once they gave their amens on the situation, you officially moved in with the three of them.

You’d be lying if you said there hasn’t been times when you thought about choosing the bridge, living with boys is not exactly a dream. They are messy, sometimes loud and oblivious about certain things women do and need. You’ll never forget Niall’s face when you packed the shelf above the toilet with your tampons and pads. The horror in his eyes as he examined all the different sizes and types.

“But why so many? I don’t get it why you need the large ones and the mini ones too,” he huffed.

“Because I vary them according to the strength of my flow.”

“Bless you,” he scoffed and just walked away.

They tend to leave their clothes around the house and they don’t always realize when it’s time to let some fresh air into the place either. Harry has a sixth sense wanting to use the bathroom when you’re in and Louis always forgets to get rid of his spoiled food from the fridge. Tini things that surely got you thinking if it was a good idea to move in with them. But then there are times when you can’t even imagine sharing a home with anyone else than these three idiots.

The way Harry always leaves you a cup of coffee on the counter when he has an early class on mondays and wednesdays, how Niall always waits for you to get home after your night shifts at the restaurant you’ve been working at, but he always just says he was watching Supernatural on TV. You love that Louis goes out of his way to get you your favorite pastry for breakfast on sundays when he goes for his morning runs. But the absolute best is that you never feel alone or bored with these three around. Something is always happening and they make sure to involve you in everything, making you feel like part of their little pack.

Tonight is Thursday and Thursdays are movie nights in your home. It’s been a tradition since the first week and you haven’t missed any of them. Sitting on the couch at your usual spot, you laugh as Niall growls in annoyance when you suggest to watch another rom-com.

“Not again!” he protests, sitting on the floor by the coffee table you and Harry thrifted a few months ago after the previous one was broken at a smaller party held in the house.

“Why? I bet Harry would love it!” you grin, glancing at the guy in talk who is now entering the room with a big bowl of popcorn.

“Of course he would, because he is a pussy! And the two of you always team up, dragging Louis with you so I can never watch something I enjoy!” Niall whines as Harry sits next to you, not too bothered by his friend’s cries.

“Come on, I bet you enjoyed Crazy, Stupid Love last week!” you laugh, remembering how he whined for the first part, then fell asleep at the end.

“Love, if you think that was enjoyment, I wouldn’t want to be your boyfriend,” Niall scoffs and you gasp at his reply.

“Hey!” you snap at him, but can’t help laughing. This is how it always goes with you and Niall, the non-stop bickering can sometimes drive Harry and Lou insane.

“Okay, so what do you want to watch?” Harry asks, throwing some popcorn into his mouth as he gets comfortable, an arm resting on the back of the couch behind you, the other one busy with the snack in his lap.

“There is this new horror I’ve been dying to see!” Niall’s blue eyes light up right away, but you’re fast to break that shine.

“Nah, no way. I’m not watching a horror movie.”

“Why not?”

“Because I fucking hate them and they scare the shit out of me.”

“That’s like the whole point!” he protests, but you shake your head no again.

“What are you fighting about again?” Louis asks, walking into the room after his quick shower, the smell of his body wash filling the room for a few moments.

“I want to watch a horror movie, but Y/N is a little baby and she doesn’t want to.”

“I’m not a baby! I just don’t enjoy watching people get killed or demons sucking the life out of someone!” Niall just rolls his eyes at your response.

“But it’s always what you or Harry wants to watch, why can’t I choose just this once?”

“That’s not true, we watch movies you like too!” you retort, but Niall gives you an unimpressed look. “We watched that crime thing, that was your choice!”

“That was three months ago, Y/N,” he sighs and as you do some quick math you realize that he is right.

“Hey, he has a point. Let’s just watch what he wants this one time, yeah?” Harry curls his arm that’s been on the back of the couch around your shoulder and he pulls you to his side, squeezing you gently.

“But I hate horrors,” you pout, knowing well that it’s already kind of settled, you lost this battle.

“It’s just a movie. And if you get scared in the night, you can sleep at mine,” he offers with a wink that surely makes your heartbeat fasten a bit.

If you’re being honest, you’ve always had a tiny crush on Harry, even back in high school, when you didn’t really know him. He was the cool guy, but not the douchebag type, more like the one that was nice to everyone and earned their respect and liking. Getting to know him just proved that he really is a great guy, but you figured he would never feel the same way about you. These three guys only saw you as their sister and that was in a way kinda worse than being friend zoned, but there’s nothing you can do about it, so you just decided to come to peace with your situation. But that doesn’t mean you don’t get flustered when you see him wander around the house in just his boxers or when he gets a little touchy with you, which happens a lot, because that’s just how he is. Hands on your shoulders, a little squeeze on your hips, the gentle touch of his fingers on your back, they happen all the time and they get your pulse up every time. You can only hope it’s not that noticeable.

Niall finally gets what he wants and you agree to watch that stupid horror movie. It doesn’t start off too bad, but it quickly escalates and makes you shudder every time the screen gets a little darker or the music is foreshadowing that something is about to happen.

“Jesus fuck!” you jump a little when the killer appears out of nowhere in the scene.

“You alright?” Harry asks, peeking down at you.

“I fucking hate this dude,” you mumble, rubbing your face with your hands, to get your shit together. Harry chuckles lightly next to you, his arm pulling you to his side close and you gladly sink against him, the warmth of his body giving you some comfort and a sense of safety.

Your eyes are on the screen, but your mind is dancing around how his fingers are delicately running up and down your arm, drawing circles and little shapes on your skin. It could put you to sleep easily, even with the woman screaming on the screen after seeing her husband get killed.

“Just imagine the guy with a funny mustache,” Harry murmurs, leaning closer to you so he doesn’t bother the other two guys with his comment. “Or maybe in a ridiculous outfit.”

“Like… in a onsie?” you ask, squinting your eyes at the screen.

“Could be, yeah,” he chuckles quietly. “Just imagine him running through the woods in a onsie with bunnies all over it.”

You can’t push your laughter down, covering your mouth with your hand so you don’t bother the others. Harry just smirks, giving you a squeeze as you’re still melted against his side on the couch, legs pulled up to your chest, while his are spread out in front of him.

“Definitely not that scary,” you giggle and Harry hums in agreement.

“Would you mind getting a fucking room, you guys? You have two, in fact!” Niall snaps at you playfully, when you start laughing again.

“Sorry, sorry!” you clear your throat, your cheeks heating up at the comment, but luckily it’s dark enough to hide your embarrassment. Niall is always quick to make dirty jokes and tease you in a way that makes you nervous, especially when it involves Harry as well. He has made plenty of comments about you and Harry since you’ve moved in, implying that the two of you sometimes act like a couple or that you should hook up. Harry is always quick to shake them off, that’s how you know he couldn’t even take the thought seriously.

At the end of the movie you feel like it wasn’t bad, not with Harry holding you close at least.

“Will you be screaming tonight, Y/N?” Niall teases you, making you roll your eyes at him.

“Either way it’s gonna be your fault.”

“I can live with that!” he laughs, bidding his goodbye before he shuts the door of his bedroom behind him.

You do your usual evening routine, get ready to bed and by the time you’re done in the bathroom all the boys have retired into their rooms. The hallway stands dark in front of you, only a tiny bit of light coming from your bedroom since you left your bedside lamp on in there, but you still can’t help the eerie feeling that washes over you. That movie didn’t sit right with you and now you have to face the aftermath of it.

Switching the lights in the bathroom off you sprint into your bedroom, pictures from the movie flashing in your mind of the killer just jumping out of nowhere. You shut the door and lean your back against it for a moment, taking a deep breath. Tonight is going to be long.

No matter how hard you try, you just can’t fall asleep. You’re way too alerted, opening your eyes at the tiniest of sounds around you, which is unfortunate, because your window is looking over the main street, unlike two other rooms in the house, that are facing the small backyard. Harry and Louis have the luck to have those rooms.

Every time you’re about to fall asleep something from the movie sneaks into your thoughts and you get scared to death. Soon, you realize you won’t be able to sleep on your own tonight.

Sitting on the edge of your bed, you wonder if Harry really meant that offer that you can sleep with him or not. Part of you is convinced it was just a joke, but when you hear someone shouting down the street you push your doubts aside and you quickly find yourself making your way to Harry’s room.

You knock on the room lightly, not wanting to wake anyone else up. The last thing you need is Niall seeing you go into Harry’s room in the middle of the night.

No answer comes from inside, but you won’t just leave it at that. Opening the door you’re facing another dark room, barely making out the furniture, but you already know the route by heart. Making it to the bed your eyes finally adjust to the darkness and you can see Harry lying on his side, sleeping peacefully. Squatting down you place a hand to his shoulder and give him a tiny shake.

“Harry?” you call out quietly, but his answer is just a huff. “Harry, it’s me,” you try again, squeezing his arm. He furrows his eyebrows before slowly blinking his eyes open, finding you in his sight.

“Y/N? What’s wrong?” he asks in that groggy, low voice you love hearing in the morning so much.

“I can’t… Did you mean that I can sleep here if I’m scared?” you ask, afraid that he might just have a good laugh and send you back to your room. For a long moment, he just blinks at you before nodding his head and you feel relief washing over you.

“Sure,” he hums.

“O-okay then I’ll bring a blanket and take the floor and--”

“Shut up, you are not sleeping on the floor,” he growls, grabbing your wrist and pulling you into bed with him as he scoots over, making you space on the mattress.

It’s a bit weird at first, lying in bed with Harry, especially because it’s just queen sized, so there’s not much space between the two of you, but it seems like Harry doesn’t mind it so why should you?

Your nerves are a lot calmer with Harry next to you, but maybe it’s still because of the movie or because you’re a bit anxious about the whole situation, you just still can’t relax enough to fall asleep.

“Y/N, no one is gonna kill you here,” Harry speaks up surprising you because you thought he has already fallen back asleep.

“I know, I know,” you whisper, trying to sound convincing, but you can’t fool anyone, especially not him.

He huffs deeply and before you could realize what’s happening, Harry’s arm is curled around your waist, pulling you against him, spooning you from behind, the warmth of his body wrapping your figure almost entirely.

“If a murderer comes, they will have to fight me first, alright? Now sleep,” he mumbles against your hair, squeezing you gently. All at once, you couldn’t care about killers and dark shadows around you, because Harry was right there, holding you tight and there was nowhere you wanted to be more than right there.

You slept like a baby. Harry’s closeness kept every nightmare away from you and the morning came with ease. Harry’s phone wakes the two of you up at eight, because he has a morning class at 9.30. The two of you are completely tangled up in each other, lying on your side facing each other, Harry’s arms are wrapped around you, while yours are hugging his waist. Groaning at the sound of his alarm, he rolls to his back to reach for the phone on the nightstand and then he finally turns it off. It’s bright outside, the darkness of the night finally long gone. You’re still groggy when Harry rolls back, his arm coming back around you like it’s the most natural thing in the world and in a sense, it feels like that. But as you both slowly wake up, you realize that you might be a little too close. Slowly but surely you let go of each other, rolling to your back, staring up at the ceiling.

“Hope I didn’t kick you in my sleep,” you smile at him, peeking over at him, hoping to break the awkwardness of the situation.

“No, don’t worry about it,” he chuckles, rubbing his eyes, before pushing himself up and off the bed. You follow him with your gaze as he steps to his dresser and grabs a pair of clean underwear. “I’ll put on a coffee while I shower, want one too?” he asks, though you know he could make one for you anyway.

“Sure, thank you,” you nod and he nods back, yawning as he walks out of the room, leaving you lying in his bed, a bit confused and kind of aching to be held by him again.

Two days pass by, everything is going as per usual, neither you nor Harry brings up that you spent the night in his bed that one particular time. Now it’s saturday and you all were planning to go out, but a sudden storm has cancelled your plans, so the evening turned into a cozy, lazy hangout instead of a wild party at some frat house.

Louis decided to work on a paper that’s due in two weeks, Niall has been relentlessly swiping on Tinder while you and Harry are spawled out on the couch, watching some shitty action movie that was on TV, since you both were too lazy to choose one and put it on. Deep down you’re a little happy you don’t have to spend the evening in a crowded, smelly house, drinking cheap alcohol.

Harry gets up from his seat to grab himself a drink just when Niall growls in annoyance.

“What is it?” you ask.

“They keep unmatching with me after we’ve talked a little!”

“Have you thought about the reason?” you smirk at him, knowing well that Niall probably isn’t the easiest to talk to, he surely takes it too far too soon.

“Well they probably don’t like that I ask them if I can go over,” he shrugs, making you laugh.

“You’d go over in the pouring rain?” Harry asks, returning to his spot on the couch. He puts his drink to the coffee table and instead of sitting into his previous position, leaning against the arm of the couch, he lies down, laying his head to your thigh, making your breath hitch for a moment.

“Of course not!” Niall rolls his eyes. “But I thought it would make them think I would do anything for them.”

“It makes you seem desperate,” Harry retorts, earning a questioning look from his friend. “What? It does!”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“Yes it does,” you nod in agreement. “Going over in the middle of a storm just to fuck? Sounds like you’re having a hard time finding someone.”

“Women are so fucking complicated, and for what?!” he growls, before storming off to his bedroom, like an angsty teenager, leaving you and Harry alone.

He doesn’t move, his head stays on your thigh using it as a pillow. His curls are tickling the soft skin on your thigh and you have to fight the urge to play with his hair or scratch his scalp. You stay like this for the rest of the movie and when he gets up you almost want to pull him back.

“Alright, I’m fucked, I’m gonna go to bed,” he yawns, stretching his arms out into the air as he heads into his bedroom. “Good night, Y/N.”

“Night, Harry!” you call after him as you watch his frame disappear down the hallway.

Sighing, you slide down on the couch, cursing under your breath that you’re still so hung up on Harry. You really thought that you had it under control, but lately those damn butterflies are acting up in your stomach at everything he does.

“I’m pathetic,” you mumble under your breath just as the sky rumbles outside with a blinding lightning, making you jump with a squeak. “Shit,” you huff, already knowing that falling asleep will be a pain in the ass. Again.

You’ve always hated storms, they make you think that something bad is about to happen, a tree is about to fall into the window or a lightning will blow up the building. It’s kind of stupid, you know it, but you just can’t help it.

Tossing and turning, you jump every time a lightning flashes somewhere outside and a few seconds later the thunder rips through your whole body, almost making you fall off the bed.

“Oh God,” you let out a shaky breath. You have no idea how long it is until the Storm finally stops and you’d really like to have a good night's sleep. So pushing your anxious thoughts to the side, you get out of bed and head over to Harry’s room once again.

It’s such a deja vu from a few nights ago, as you gently knock on the door you wait again, but this time you actually get an answer.

“Yeah?” you hear him call out from inside and you slowly open the door, peeking your head inside. Harry is lying in bed, his head propped up against the headboard as he is scrolling through his phone. “Y/N? What’s wrong?” he asks, putting the phone aside as he sits up.

“I just, I-I know it’s stupid, but I was thinking… I don’t know--”

“Y/N, just tell me, alright? Come on in,” he gestures for you and you slip into the room, closing the door behind you before sitting to the edge of the bed next to him. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t sleep during storms…” you admit, looking into his eyes, hoping he gets the hint where you want to head with it. He stares back at you for a moment before he scoots over, lifting the covers up, giving you the green light to join him.

Relieved, you climb over to him, making yourself comfortable as he wraps the blanket over you, his arm immediately coming to cradle you, this time pulling you to his chest so your head is laid upon his shoulder, a hand gently placed onto his hard chest, probably right above where his butterfly tattoo is adorning his abdomen.

This is now easily your favorite place. Safe and tight in Harry’s arms, protected from anything and everything, like you’re in a little bubble as soon as you get on his bed.

Lightning strikes outside again and you shiver a little. Harry probably notices it, because he tightens his hold around you, as if it’s his way telling you that he is here and nothing bad is gonna happen. Eventually, you’re able to shut the outside out and only focus on Harry’s warmth, the touch of his hand on your arm and his even breathing. And then finally, you drift off to sleep.

This morning is different from the previous one you spent here. There’s no alarm since it’s Sunday, neither of you have anything in particular to do, so you wake up feeling rested, the Sun shining through his half drawn in curtains, no trace of last night’s storm can be noticed from where you’re lying in bed, the sky is as clear as ever. Sometime during the night you got tangled in a way where Harry is the one now cuddling you, his head lying on your chest, hugging you as if you were a giant teddy bear, his leg thrown between yours, lightly snoring against your sleep shirt. You can only see his mop of hair and the urge to play with them is back, but this time, you give in.

Leaving one hand on his back, you move the other one to his unruly locks, gently playing with one before you comb your fingers through it, lightly scratching his scalp. Harry hums in pleasure, shifting from his dreams back to reality, but he doesn’t move, just keeps humming as you massage his scalp.

“It’s not a good morning, it’s the best,” he mumbles groggily, making you chuckle at his words.

One of his hands is flat against your ribcage and the damned butterflies start dancing when you feel his fingers gently stroke your side as you keep playing with his curls. This feels so idyllic, as if you’ve been like this forever. You wish that was true.

Groaning as he stretches, Harry rolls to his back, making you instantly miss his body pressed against yours. He rubs his eyes, sighing deep as he blinks up at the ceiling a few times, then he turns his head to the side, looking at you.

Just when he is about to say something, outside his door it sounds like someone just broke a pile of plates and it’s followed by Niall’s usual annoyed growl. You both get out of bed to go and check what happened, not even thinking about how it might appear that you both are coming from Harry’s room in the morning.

Harry flings the door open and there is Niall, collecting pieces of a plate from the floor, his breakfast scattered down the hallway as well while he curses under his breath.

“What happened?” Harry asks, picking up a bigger piece from the plate.

“Fucking tripped,” he growls back, glancing up just for a moment, then back down, but then he processes that you’re standing behind Harry, in his room, in the morning. “What the fuck are you doing in Harry’s room?” he bluntly asks, quickly forgetting about the mess he just made.

“What?” you ask nervously, your pulse quickening in an instant. Harry stands up, seemingly not too bothered by Niall’s question.

“You slept in his room?!”

“She did,” Harry answers, leaning against the doorframe.

“Wait, are you two fucking?” Niall’s eyes widen, snapping back and forth between you and Harry.

“Just because two people sleep in the same bed, doesn’t mean they are fucking, Niall,” Harry chuckles, seemingly amused by the situation that’s got your stomach knotted. Louis’ door opens and he walks out, his hair a little messy, but already dressed, a mug halfway filled with coffee in his hand.

“Wha’s this circus out here?” he asks, looking around, his eyes scanning over the mess on the floor.

“Did you know these two are fucking?” Niall asks him and Harry lets his head drop back at his words.

“Are you?” Louis simply questions and you shake your head no.

“We are not. Y/N can’t sleep in a storm so she came over to mine.”

“Funny, she doesn’t come to me when she’s scared,” Niall scoffs.

“I never came to you because you don’t understand that sleeping together doesn’t mean sex,” you retort, though your ears are practically burning from the rising anxiety inside you.

“Wait, whoa. This wasn’t the first time you two slept together?”

“She was scared after your stupid horror movie too,” Harry shrugs.

“Wow, so are you guys a thing now or what?”

“Niall!” Harry growls and you’re not entirely sure what bothers you more. Niall’s shock and interrogation or the way Harry seems so cool and unbothered, like it’s no big deal. Maybe because for him it really isn’t, it’s only about the sleeping, nothing else, even though the cuddles are a little beyond the lines of friendship.

“What? I’m just asking the important stuff! Am I not allowed to tell dirty jokes to Y/N because you’ll cut my prick off?”

“You shouldn’t tell those anyway,” Louis chimes in and you nod in agreement.

Seeing that the conversation is just getting more and more awkward with each passing moment you decide to pull yourself out of it. Pushing yourself past Harry you mumble an excuse me before rushing back into your room, the three boys eyeing you curiously as you shut the door behind you, finally putting a physical barrier between you and them.

You shouldn’t be this offended, it’s not like any promises were made and you should have known better and not fall for him more than you already did. It was silly of you to think that there was anything more behind these nights spent curled up against each other, or when you woke up tangled and melted together. It was never what you hoped it to be.

Then and there you decide it’s better if you distanced yourself from him, or at least go back to how it was before. No bed sharing, no cuddling and preferably no bitter feelings.

It all goes well, because you have a pretty busy week after that day, you always have something to do and it’s not like you spent the night with Harry randomly, so it was evident that you stayed in your room so far.

But about a week later another storm was threatening to strike. The sky was gradually darkening all afternoon and now it’s only five o’clock, but it feels like eight. It’s Sunday, you’re quite exhausted since you were working until three. Niall was out somewhere with some of his coursemates and Louis went home for the weekend, won’t be back until Tuesday. It’s just you and Harry, who’s been sprawled out on the couch in only his sweatpants while you’re making yourself an early dinner so you can go to bed soon and have a good night’s sleep.

It doesn’t take long for the rain to start pouring, you’ve just gotten out of the shower when the first thunder rips through the place, making you gasp in fear. Harry’s head snaps around, looking in your way where you’re standing at the bathroom door, a questioning look in his eyes, but he doesn’t say a word. Ignoring his gaze, you just make your way into your bedroom, not even thinking about what could be on his mind. Is he thinking about whether you’ll ask to sleep with him again or he doesn’t care about it at all?

By the time you are ready to go to bed, the storm is fully raging outside, making your insides tremble every time you see a lightning or the thunder breaks the quietness in the house. You make one last trip to the kitchen, finding Harry leaned against the counter as he eats an apple.

“Going to bed early?” he asks as you pour yourself some water.

“Mhm,” you nod, avoiding looking at him.

“Everything alright?”

“Sure, I’m just tired,” you force a small smile onto your face just when a thunder rumbles outside, making you jump. Harry is watching you curiously and kind of expectantly, but you’re doing your best ignoring it. Instead, you just grab your water and head back to your room. “Good night.”

“Night, Y/N,” he calls after you, and you can feel his burning gaze on your back right until you close the door behind you.

Your plan to sleep a good ten hours goes right out the window. It doesn’t seem like the storm is about to calm anytime soon, so you’re stuck to suffer through it on your own. You’ll be damned to go to Harry’s, that would be an instant heart break and you just can’t take that right now. Long, torturous hours pass by with you lying awake in bed and part of you wants to go running over to Harry, but you force yourself to stay. It’s not happening tonight.

You fall asleep sometime after two in the morning when the thunder and lightning have stopped. Unfortunately, you need to wake up early in the morning, so when your phone’s alarm shakes you out of your sleep, you feel like absolute shit. Dragging yourself out of bed appears to be the hardest thing right now. As you make your way out, you are met with an all too familiar figure sitting at the small dining table, two cups of coffees in front of him, one obviously made for you.

Harry’s eyes snap up at you curiously, taking in your terrible looks as you head to the bathroom.

“Morning,” you mumble under your breath.

“Good morning’,” he nods in your way and though he doesn’t say anything else, you can tell he has a few thoughts about your current state.

Once you’re done with your morning business in there you join him at the table, barely able to keep your eyes open.

“Rough night?” he asks, eyes examining your face.

“Kinda.”

“The storm?”

You don’t answer, just nod your head. He remains silent, but you can feel that he is dying to ask another question.

Why didn’t you come over?

You’re glad he doesn’t actually asks you, because you wouldn’t be able to give either a normal answer or say anything without starting to cry. Instead, you just grab your coffee and head back into your bedroom to get ready for the day.

That week on Friday all four of you are invited to a party. At first you want to cancel, but some of your friends from classes will be there too and it’s been ages since you’ve been to a great party, so you decide to tag along with the boys.

For the first half of the evening you go your separate way, spending time with people you don’t actually live with and see every day. One drink follows the other, though you make sure you don’t go farther than getting tipsy. You’re not in the mood to deal with a nasty hangover in the morning.

Sometime after your third or fourth drink you run into Niall and he pulls you into their little circle that also involves Harry. When he sees that you’ve joined them, his eyes light up and goes out of his way to get next to you.

“I haven’t seen you in ages!” he whines, slurring his words as he wraps an arm around your shoulders to keep you at his side. He is definitely drunk, that you’re sure of.

“It’s been just about two hours, Harry,” you roll your eyes, but can’t push your smile down. You’d be lying if you said you’re not enjoying having him so close. Your dynamic hasn’t been the same since you stopped sleeping in his bed. Not that it was such a regular activity, it only happened two times.

“But I missed you, I feel like we haven’t… haven’t talked in so long!” he huffs, knitting his eyebrows together. “Have you been avoiding me?” he asks leaning closer, so your conversation can somewhat be private.

“That’s silly. Of course I haven’t!”

“But it feels like that,” he pouts with glossy eyes. “You’d tell me if something was wrong, right?”

“Sure,” you nod, the bitter taste of lying filling your mouth.

“Alright, cool,” he smirks and pulling closer he kisses into your hair before he engages with the rest of the group again, keeping his arm around you as if it wasn’t a big deal.

For the rest of the evening you simply don’t leave his side and not because he doesn’t let you, but because you don’t want to. Harry is not the only one missing the other, this week you’ve noticed that even though you’ve been keeping yourself busy, your thoughts always took you back to one particular, curly haired boy. Despite everything that’s been going on, he is your friend first and foremost who you love spending time with and talking about anything and everything.

Both of you are intoxicated, Harry a bit more than you, but you’re having a blast playing beerpong or ruining Niall’s chances with girls he is trying to pick up. You’re genuinely having an amazing time and it wouldn’t be the same without Harry.

Arriving back home your little group splits, everyone using the bathroom after the other and you’re the last one in line, because you always take the longest. By the time you’re finished, Louis and Niall are both locked up in their rooms, but Harry’s door is still open, some dim lighting illuminating the hallway. As you approach it, you find him throwing his dirty clothes into the hamper, but his head perks up when he sees you.

“Good night, H,” you sigh, quite tired and in need of a good sleep, but before you could head into your own bedroom, Harry grabs your wrist and pulls you into his. “What is it?”

“Sleep here,” he simply prompts, already leading you to the bed.

“Why?”

“Because I want you to.”

“I-I… I don’t--” you stutter, feeling flustered from his offer.

“Come on, you can’t say no,” he tells you, already crawling under his covers and then he holds them up as the invitation.

Taking a deep breath you follow him and make yourself comfortable in your almost usual spot. Harry’s arm falls over your waist in an instant, spooning you from behind as he hums pleased. But a few moments later he lifts his head, looking at you with concern in his eyes.

“You know you can say no, right? I was just joking.” Looking back at him you give him a small smile. Even drunk he makes sure you aren’t doing anything you don’t want to, but how could you not want it? You’ve been aching to sleep next to him all week, especially after the last storm when you suffered alone in your room.

“I know, Harry.”

“Alright, okay,” he nods, his head dropping back to the pillow. “I missed this,” he mumbles with a sigh.

“Yeah?”

“Mm, sleeping alone sucks,” he hums and in a split second, your heart breaks.

Harry didn’t want to sleep with you, he just wanted to sleep with someone and you were the one there. It has nothing to do with you.

You want to blame him, you want it to be his fault that your chest is now aching, knowing that it truly doesn’t mean the same thing to him it does to you, but you know you can’t. It wouldn’t be fair, so once again, you’re left with a sinking heart wrapped up into Harry’s embrace that suddenly feels burning.

“Good night, Y/N.”

“Good night, Harry.”

When the morning comes Harry is still sleeping deep beside you, an arm thrown over your waist, puffing warm air against the side of your head with every breath he exhales. Seeing him so peaceful warms your heart, but then you realize everything that happened last night, how he only used you because you were available and not because he wanted you.

You don’t want to wait for him to wake up and face him, your emotions would surely bring the best out of you. So carefully, you unwrap yourself from his hold and sneak out of his room, back into yours.

There’s no way you can face Harry right now, so before he could wake up you leave, planning on spending the day in the library, working on your assignments, hoping the school work will take your mind off of how badly you’ve been friendzoned.

Sometime after eleven Harry actually texts you asking where you went and you just tell him you have a shitload of school stuff to deal with. He asks if he can join you, but you tell him you’re with a group of your classmates, even though you’re sitting in an almost entirely empty library. He luckily doesn’t push it and leaves you to be. Hopefully he’ll be fine when you take another step away from him for a while to get your head straight and sort your emotions out.

You get home quite late, but not late enough, apparently. Because walking into the house you find the boys clearly getting ready to watch a movie.

“Just in time!” Niall beams. “Join us, Princess!” he laughs, grabbing himself a cola from the fridge.

“Oh, no, I have some things to work on--”

“Come on, you’ve been in the library all day, you can have a break!” Louis tells you and you know you won’t be left alone, they are just so persistent.

So you join them in your usual spot, which is of course next to Harry, though you’re trying to avoid his gaze that hasn’t left you since you arrived and by now you’re certain he knows you’re avoiding him. There’s a reason why he asked you last night if you’ve been doing it lately, he is not stupid, but this is not the time to deal with it.

With your inner crisis bubbling inside you, you completely forget to ask what you’re watching. A few minutes into the movie it becomes quite clear however.

“Is this a fucking horror movie again?” you ask, snapping at Niall, who just starts laughing.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure Harry will gladly let you sleep in his bed tonight,” he teases, making your whole face heat up at his comment. Harry slaps his chest before he turns to you with concern filled eyes, but you pretend like you see nothing, turning back to the screen with your jaw clenched.

You’re fucked.

The movie is a fucking shitshow and leaves you traumatized. When it’s over, you think about why didn’t you just stand up and go into your room when you realized it’s another horror. For a change, this one was filled with demons and monsters that hide in the shadows, just what you need before going to bed. In the night. In a totally dark room.

Exiting the bathroom you’re already planning on watching something lighthearted and cheerful in your room, hoping that would make you forget the movie you just saw and give you the chance to actually sleep.

Walking past Harry’s room you see that it’s still open and you catch him expectantly looking at you when you appear in the doorway as you walk down the hallway, your eyes meeting for just a split second before you disappear from his sight and shut your bedroom door without a word behind you.

No matter how many random videos you watch on YouTube, some scenes from the movie are just imprinted into your mind and they have you trembling in fear. Every shadow looks like a demon or ghost, hiding in your room, ready to haunt and kill you and you’re on the verge of actually crying. It might not be only because of the movie, more like everything else that’s been bottled up inside you, added to the fear the movie has brought to you.

Shutting your eyes closed you try to take deep breaths and for a bit it actually seems to help, but that is until you hear the door opening. It gives you an instant heart attack and you can’t keep your tears back anymore.

A whimper leaves your mouth as the door opens and you can only see a shadow entering the room, totally not recognizing Harry in the dark.

“Y/N, hey, it’s just me! It’s okay!” he quickly clears, seeing how shaken up you are. He rushes over to the bed, one hand cupping your cheek, the other one finding your hand and before you could think, you grip it hard.

“You scared the living hell out of me!” you cry out, sobbing.

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to check on you.”

Silence sets between the two of you that’s only momentarily broken by your shaky breaths as you try to calm yourself down.

“Why didn’t you come to mine after the movie if you were so scared?” he then asks, surprising you with how straightforward he is.

“I didn’t want to bother you,” you mumble, blinking the remaining of the tears away as Harry stares down at you intently.

“Why would you think you’d bother me? I like having you there.”

“But it’s… Doesn’t matter,” you sigh in defeat, but it just concerns him even more.

“No, tell me!”

“Harry, just go back to your room. I’ll be fine.”

“You definitely won’t and I’m not leaving until you don’t tell me what’s going on,” he protests firmly and you lose your patience to keep lying to him.

“You just wanted someone to sleep with yesterday, okay? You didn’t need me. And… I don’t want to depend on you more than I should.”

Harry stares back at you with a blank expression and you feel like this is going to be the end of your friendship. You have to come clean about your feelings and he’ll tell you that he doesn’t feel the same way. But then he speaks up and the tables turn faster than ever.

“Y/N, I wanted you to sleep with me last night. Not just anyone. You.”

“What?”

“I really thought we have been on the same page, but apparently, we’re not even in the same book,” he sighs, confusing you even more. “Wasn’t it suspicious how things have been between us lately? The way we slept, the mornings, did you think these are normal things to do?”

“I-I thought that… it didn’t mean anything to you.”

“Well it did,” he replies and you breath hitches in your throat. “I was trying to take it slow, see how you’d react to everything and I thought you were feeling the same way. But then last time you didn’t come to my room when there was a storm and I thought that was your way of telling me that you want to pause whatever’s been going on.”

You’re just blinking in shock, listening to his words. This is nothing you expected.

“But then you seemed like you opened back up last night and you agreed to sleep with me, thought we were back on track, but then you were nowhere to be found in the morning, avoided me all day and now you would have rather spent the night crying here alone than to come over to me. What did I do? Just tell me, because quite frankly, I have no idea what we are doing anymore, Y/N,” he sighs, clearly tired of this insane game you’ve been playing without even knowing.

“So… you did all of this, because… you…”

“Because I like you, Y/N. But there’s a possibility it’s already way more than just a strong liking,” he admits with a soft chuckle that melts you in an instant.

“Oh god, I could cry again, but not out of fear this time,” you tell him, making him laugh as you scoot closer to him on the mattress. “I feel the same way, Harry,” you softly tell him, your hands finding the base of his neck while his hands have wandered to your waist so now he is pulling you towards him until he ends up in his lap. His face is now so close, and even in the dark, you can see the cheesy smile on his pink lips.

“You’re not saying this just to keep me here because you’re scared to be alone, right?” he asks, clearly joking, earning a wholehearted laugh from you.

“No, but I guess that would be a major benefit of it.”

“I’ll protect you from all the demons and killers under one condition,” he smirks, his face already inching closer, his nose is already touching yours.

“Yeah? And what’s that?”

“I get to kiss you.”

“Deal.”

You barely say this one little word, his lips are already on yours, kissing you in a way that almost knocks all the air out of your lungs. You press yourself up against him, his arms curling around you, holding you tight as if he is already protecting you from everything that scares you, though you can’t really think about the stupid horror movies now that you’re kissing Harry.

He pulls you down with himself making you lie on your back as he holds himself up above you, his lips parting from your just enough so he can look into your eyes.

“How about I kiss you every time you feel scared?” he prompts, pecking your lips gently as you pull your legs up and his hips settle between your thighs, while your hands dance down his back.

“Alright, I’m in,” you smirk at him and for a moment he just stares back at you, smiling wide, in complete awe that it’s finally happening. Then he cocks his head to the side before speaking up.

“Are you still scared?”

“Very,” you nod. “I’m shaking.”

“Good,” he grins before his lips press onto yours again.

Thank you for reading! Please like/reblog if you enjoyed!

[cuddlesslut]

Part Five: Friends

Atsumu x fem reader, Suna x fem reader , Hinata x fem reader

A/N: ahh this took me so long to write sorry guys! Been having a tough few days. But we are back in the game. So This chapter is mainly the relationship between Hinata and YN! I love Hinata so much im actually thinking about making another series with him after this one is done. Let me know if y’all would be interested. I decided to put a little NSFW scene in but there is a warning.

Warnings: Angst, some fluff, Smut. And more Angst.

Part Four: Chance Encounters

Part Six: Promises

The night you spent with Hinata is no less than amazing. You don’t remember passing out, but your eyes open from your groggy sleep. It takes you a moment to register that this is not your room. Your eyes widened realizing you had stayed the night which was not something you’d had planned on. You take in your surroundings Hinata lays behind you and arm draped over your waist. Your heart speeds up as you understand how close he is to you, his face nuzzled close to your neck. You could feel his light snores. Oh my goodness! You screamed in your head IM IN A MANS BED! AND HES CUDDLING ME! You had never slept with anyone other than Atsumu let alone cuddled. So this was a lot to process. The hardest thing to understand was why it felt so nice in his arms. You quickly shook that thought out of you mind, you probably were just touched starved you rationalized. That’s why you lie to yourself when his grip on your waist tightens and he pulls you closer to his chest, saying it doesn’t make your heart flutter your just nervous.

“Good morning,” he smiles his voice gruff from sleep. “What time is it,” he questions seeing that you had already been awake for a moment.

“I’m not sure,” you admitt rubbing your head, a twinge of pain zinging threw you. You were slightly startled when he leaned over your body reaching for his phone on the nightstand. A heat creeped onto your cheeks at the proximity of your naked bodies only a sheet separating him from your sight. Although the tenderness between your legs showed that you two had been plenty close the prior night. Thinking of some the activities that transpired last night caused more embarrassment to consume you. You did things with this complete stranger that had taken you forever to work yourself up to with Tsumu. You body was sore from the multiple rounds the ginger had put you through, his stamina was insane, although you couldn’t complain he aimed to please. He laid back down in his spot next to you checking his phone.

“It’s about to be 9:30, he yawns rubbing the sleep from his warm chestnut eyes. You peek over at him getting a better look of his physique in the daylight. Your eyes widened because damn was he hot. He laid on his side propped up on one elbow as he stared at the screen of his device. Your eyes trailed down his exposed chest and abdomen his defined abs and pecks on full display for you. As you look farther down the blanket falls carelessly over his lap one leg peeking out. You raised an eyebrow at the little peek of a tan line you could see. You were broke from you trance as he asks you a question.

“You wanna go get some breakfast?,” your eyes widened “ I’d offer to cook but my fridge is still pretty empty and plus my cooking sucks I’d hate to make you suffer through that,” he chuckled. It was too much this is supposed to be just sex, and breakfast sounds to much like a date, too domestic. You sit up quickly holding the sheet to your chest.

“Ah no I can’t, i-I uhhh need to go,” you stammered looking around the room for your clothes.

“Hey, hey it’s fine,” he try’s to calm you seeing how anxious you are. “you stay right here I’ll go grab your clothes and let you get changed,” he said standing pulling a pair of boxers on. You nodded and steadied your breathing as he went to gather your outfit from last night.

“There you go that should be everything,” he laid the pile on the bed next to you, “uhh sorry about your underwear,” he smiled nervously reaching his hand up to rub the back of his neck. You looked down at the pair of torn lace panties siting at the top of the pile.

You returned an embarrassed smile, “it’s okay,” you assure him.

“Well I’ll be in the kitchen making some coffee, uh the restroom is right out the door to the left if you need it, uhh take your time,” he said excusing himself to give you some privacy.

You take a moment to breath before you start to dress yourself. It felt a little strange to not have on underwear but you guess it’s a small price to pay for the pleasure you felt last night. You won’t lie you definitely needed that stress relief. You quickly finished putting yourself together before exiting the room seeing Hinata standing there at the counter full of confidence for being in only boxers with coffee mug in hand you notice his smile that never seems to stray far from his face just as present.

“Would you like a cup,” he asked gesturing to the still half full pot of coffee.

You smile politely smile before shaking your head no. “Uh I need to get going I have class today, but ..” you trail off trying to figure out how to word what needs to come next. “umm look thank for the offer for breakfast and you know for last night,” he breaks into a big smirk at the mention of last night’s activities. “ but I’m not looking for a relationship so it’s probably best we leave it off here,” still smiling, yet not as big as before, he nods. You breath a sigh of relief.

“No worries I get it.”

“Well in that case, goodbye Shoyo, see ya,” you gave a small wave before exiting his apartment.

Hopefully, Hinata thinks to himself wanting to in deed see you again.

As much as you swore it was a one time occurrence you kept finding yourself back in Shoyo's bed. It was always the same you’d head to your bar, sit in your usual spot, order your usual drink and before long you’d see the orange haired man take his seat next to you. The first time you saw him after your lust filled night together was rather awkward. You were surprised when he sat to you and struck up a conversation like you hadn’t had a one night stand just last week. But the chatting was always so easy going you honestly didn’t mind having him around. Plus with him there less men were trying to chat you up. That second time you met him you told yourself you’d keep your pants on but a couple drinks and several laughs later you’d find yourself in his bed with the ginger in between your legs. You could never find it in yourself to be angry at yourself afterwards ,And while this started happening more frequently it was rare you’d stay the night like that first time. Usually getting an Uber home after getting dicked down. You couldn’t lie it was exhilarating being with Shoyo. Although if you were still pretty hammered Hinata would insist you stay not wanting something bad to happen on your way home. He’d offer you his bed while he opted for the couch. Eventually your routine changed you both swapped numbers and soon enough you weren’t meeting at the bar before heading to his place you weren’t needing the aid of alcohol to loosen you up before finding yourself in his bed... or his shower or really any surface in his apartment. You were both insatiable. In time you weren’t rushing away immediately after. Choosing to indulge him , you’ve come to realize that Hinata really enjoyed cuddling and aftercare. Always lighting up when you’d let him pamper you after a particularly rough or extensive session. He’d gladly spoil you after every round but you were still hesitant on to much intimacy. But occasionally you’d satisfy his want for cuddles. Although you’d deny it you rather enjoyed laying in his embrace feeling the rhythm of his heartbeat lull you to sleep. That was another change you no longer accepted him sleeping on the couch when you stayed overnight not wanting to be an inconvenience but also knowing he’d never allow you to take the couch you stopped him one night stating that you’d like him to stay. His eyes lit up as he pounced back into the bed.

But you stayed firm in the fact that you weren’t looking for a relationship and he assured you that he understood and was okay with the arrangement. And that’s how it’s been for the last two months. It had been seven months since your relationship with Atsumu had ended and you would have never guessed that in seven month you’d be in a casual friends with benefits relationship with Hinata. And that’s what you would call yourselves, Hinata was your friend and you his. You steadily got to know each other more and more about each other’s lives. You were a little concerned when you found out it wasn’t solely beach volleyball he played but you put your worries to the side volleyball was a big enough sport. Right? All in all you’d say slowly but surely you were getting happier. You found yourself thinking of you know who less, and some of the pain was starting to subside. Although that distrust was still there. You were still broken. As close as you and Sho got there was still part of you that couldn’t trust yet. How did you know he wouldn’t get bored of you just like the setter had. You weren’t ready to put yourself up to get hurt again. You wanted to trust Hinata he was an amazing guy so kind and understanding never pushing you past what you were comfortable with. He constantly looked out for you checking on you during some of your intense study sessions as you readied for finals always making sure you were taking care of yourself and not overworking. If you stayed over he’d always make sure to set an extra alarm so you wouldn’t be late for class or work. It meant so much to you how much he cared but you just couldn’t believe in it , you had believed that Atsumu cared about you yet that was a lie. Who’s to say this wouldn’t end up just the same. That’s why you wanted to just be friends, a small part still kept a window of hope open that one day it may be more but it wouldn’t be fair to Hinata to bring up any of this while filled with so much uncertainty.

NSFW below if you’d rather not read it skip the first three paragraphs.

You laid there breaths ragged as Hinata pinned you to the bed your legs pressed to your chest as he pounded into you relentlessly. This was his favorite position he loved being so close to you being able to see all of the pleasure in your face as he worked your body over, your tits bouncing to the rhythm he set.

“Sho,” you moaned your thoughts clouded as he built up yet another orgasm, this was your third one since you had stepped foot into his bedroom.

“What’s that baby?” He smirks as he see you struggle to form words. He loved making you like this. Eyes crossed as you gasped for air, craving the release he’d give you. “Fuck beautiful you know how much I love it when your so fucked out you can’t speak straight,” he laughed. You smile at him happy to provide him with what he likes. Hinata was getting lost in his lust. He freed one of your legs letting it rest against his shoulder as he grabbed his headboard for a better angle as he started drilling into you. A loud whimper ripped threw you. You felt so full as his cock reached so deep into you. You knew you were done for and Sho could tell as well , “ that’s it beautiful go ahead and cum for me, fuck your so gorgeous like this,” he groaned as he followed you into his own release spilling himself into the condom.

You laid there breathless. Hinata stood disposing of the used rubber, he exited the room going to grab a soft wet rag and a glass of water making sure to clean and rehydrate you before climbing back into bed and pulling you onto his chest. You both laid there for a while catching you breath, your head resting on his chest arm wrapped around him as you nuzzled further into him. You could feel his heartbeat start to stabilize. He trailed one his hand up and down your back in a very soothing pattern. It felt amazing honestly laying here with him was better than anything you had ever experienced with Tsumu.

You couldn’t see it but Hinata laid there with the goofiest grin as much as he loved sex with you this was his favorite part. Holding you in his arms so tight calming you while you are still so vulnerable. He wishes it could be like this all the time. That he could wrap his arms around you at anytime to hold you whenever he wants, to wake up to your beautiful bed head. He pushes those thoughts to the side as much as he wants you to be his he knows you aren’t ready and the last thing he’d want to do is rush you. You had told him a while back about your ex and everything he had put you threw and how betrayed you were by his actions. You never told him who your ex was and he didn’t ask it wasn’t his place you’d tell him if he needed to know and he knew that. He hated how much your ex had broken you but all he wanted to do was to do his best to fix the damage done. As much as he wanted to be able to call you his , he was happy to wait.

You were finally back to normal but you weren’t ready to leave his embrace. You decided to strike up a some casual pillow talk. You asked him about his day, how his morning run had went. He asked if you were excited about graduation seeing as it was only a month away. You told him about some annoying customers you had at the cafe this morning. You were smiling up at him laughing at the story story he was telling when his eyes lit up!

“That’s right I haven’t told you yet but I made it through try outs!” He boasted. “ I made the team!” You could see the happiness radiating off of him. For some reason you got an unsettling feeling in your gut. You put it to the side.

“THATS AMAZING SHO!” You yelled launching forward wrapping him in a tight hug. “What team?”

“I’ll be playing for the MSBY Black Jackels,” he grins. You feel everything slow down. The words are still processing in your mind. No it can’t be! Why? Why did it have to be his team! Out of all the teams in Japan why did Hinata have to go to the one who’s starting setter ruined you. Suddenly all of the thoughts and memories of Atsumu that had been hidden from you recently came crashing back to you. You wanted nothing to do with him. You couldn’t do it, for the same reason you had pushed away all of your friends and uprooted your life you couldn’t do this, you couldn’t let him back into your life you weren’t nearly ready for him to be in anyway connected to your life. All of the these overwhelming thoughts at were crashing over you were interrupted when Hinata asked his question. One you knew the answer to but couldn’t give to him.

“We have a game next week, would you come watch me play?” He smiled at you. You looked up at him saddness in your eyes. You quickly stood up gathering and putting on your clothes. Stammering for a response. Hinata sat up in alarm at your sudden actions he could sense something wasn’t right. He waits for you to speak seeing you try to form your words. Now fully dressed. You looked up at him his normally smiling face wasn’t there instead it was a face of worry.

“ I-I can’t Shoyo, I can’t go to your game,” you looked around grabbing your purse and phone, “I need to go Sho.” Hinata was now standing he was so confused everything was just fine what had gone wrong. Had he pushed you to far? Was inviting you to his game to intimate?

“Wait YN,” he said reaching for you he need to know you were okay.

“ I’m so so sorry Shoyo I just need to leave, I’m so sorry,” you said frantically looking into his eyes trying to truly express your sincerity in your apology. It wasn’t his fault. He was just excited about his dream and here you were ruining the moment. You always ruin everything you chastised yourself. With one last woeful look you were gone out the door. Hinata was left there in utter confusion. He let out a sigh before sitting back down on the bed letting out a groan of frustration.

You closed the door to your apartment with a thud finally allowing the tears you were keeping in to flow free. You kicked off your shoes before throwing yourself onto your bed. You let out a scream of frustration into your pillow as sobs over came you. The exhaustion of the day took you over and soon you were out like a light.

You woke up a couple hours later it was only around seven o’clock and your stomach was growling. This wasn’t going to be a good night. You look at your phone seeing several texts and a missed call from the ginger. You let out a groan, first you needed food and then you needed booze. You went to your bathroom taking a quick shower finally cleaning your post sex body. Before putting on a simple outfit. You slipped out your apartment door and out into the Tokyo night. You stopped at one of your favorite food stalls getting a small bowl of ramen to warm your tired soul. Normally you’d head to your Usual bar but you couldn’t there was the chance of running into Shoyo there and that’s not something you were ready for. You pulled out your phone finding a bar not to far out of your area, it had a sleeker vibe but maybe a little change would be good. So with that you head straight there. Its more crowded than what you were used to. It had a more lively crowd than you local bar. There were couples dancing and large groups of friends standing around and laughing. You head to the bar starting off with two shots straight back to back. Tonight wasn’t a night you wanted to go easy. You sat down at the bar nursing the drinking you had just ordered. You thought back to the incident with Hinata, he must hate you, you figured. He was always there for you yet one mention of you ex and you couldn’t even suck it up to be happy for him. You hated that. He deserved better than what you gave him. You were getting lost in your thoughts letting you mind go down a rabbit hole. Finally you looked up from your drink eyes scanning the bar. And that’s when it happens your eyes lock onto each other from the other side of the bar. It felt like all the air in your lungs suddenly evaporated. It felt unreal like you weren’t really seeing him standing there. He looked just as stunned like he had just seen a ghost. He snaps out of his first and when he starts to walk towards you it finally hits you that it’s really him. You finally breath and when you do his name leaves your lips.

“Suna,”

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[draco-spencers-paramour]

congrats for 300 followers! can I request a 🖤 with draco they have a sort of arrangement where everyday after work he goes to her house eats her out and have sex and then he leaves. they never talk but are catching feelings so one day when he comes as usual. Instead of him going down on her she gives him head and asks him to stay the night when they talk and finally confess?

This description is dirty af.....i love that😉

What you don’t know can’t hurt you

You never expected that after the war the person who helped you forget about the painful memories was the one and only Draco Malfoy.

You had spoken a few times, nothing serious. It was evident that you were both attractive people and there was a mutual awareness of that. Nothing really happened until after the war when school ended. Both of you were left broken and sad, ending up at the 3 broomsticks and then fucking back at yours an hour and a half later after at least 4 drinks about 6 weeks since you’d left hogwarts.

Draco had a job as an auror and you were a healer. Your arrangement was simple. He enjoyed going down on you much to your delight, and sex. But he never gave you the opportunity to do oral on him. Being the gracious person that you are, you wanted to return the favour but no. Because then it was over and he’d leave.

This had been going on for 6 months straight. You and him both trying to find some kind of release and comfort. The only issue was that you both became absolutely head over heels for each other but you had a fear of messing things up and ruining your arrangement which stopped your confessions of love. He longed for you, silently pining in desperation for one of you to just say something. Whereas you thought he just needed someone to use to fulfill his sex life, like his own personal fucktoy. Not that you minded but it did make you feel like shit after he left.

However, would you even call Draco your friend? Or was he just a lover..a regular hookup? you weren’t sure but you wanted more than oral and sex. It was mind-blowing but there was not much interaction though just whining of names, moaning and curse words. Even when you’d see each other in the street or at gatherings, you’d exchange the soft hello and not say a word to each other for the rest of the night but would probably leave together to go and fuck at yours.

Tonight was the same weekday routine. You finished your shift at St. Mungos before coming into your apartment in Godric’s Hollow. You got undressed had a shower and put a robe on before sitting on your couch with a mug of tea practically waiting for the boy you loved to knock on the door. And he did.

You swung the door open to see Draco looking rather upset. ‘You alright?’ you asked. He nodded before entering the room and you swiftly shut the door. He placed his work bag down before turning around and immediately placing his lips on yours. You became dizzy and light headed from the emotion he was pouring into the kiss. He must’ve had a really bad day you thought. He picked you up and pinned you against the door, lips never leaving yours. You wrapped your legs around his waist as you submitted full control to him, the bottom of your robe hiking up around your legs almost exposing you bare as his hand travelled along your thigh.

Draco carried you to the bedroom like it was second nature and laid you down on the bed. He began to kiss down your neck as per usual trailing down to your panties. You really wanted to give him full pleasure tonight so you stopped him at your navel by tapping him on the shoulder. ‘Could we switch tonight? maybe i go down on you instead?’ you bit your lip nervous at his reponse. He gave a small smile ‘If you want.’

You smirked and flipped you both over so that he was against the bed lying down. You slowly and teasingly removed your robe. Draco’s icy eyes were over taken by his pupils and his lips parted at the sight of your beautiful naked body. You removed his shirt before sinking to your knees, on the carpet, below the bed and began unbuckling his belt. You took of his trousers and boxers in one swift movement so that he too was now naked. Draco’s dick was prominently standing up against his stomach when you then slowly wrapped your hand around his length and licked up from the base to his tip.

He threw his head back and moaned ‘Oh god y/n, good girl’ this encouraged you to slip your lips around him and slide his cock in and out of your mouth. Draco kept moaning, grunting and swearing as you explored different pressures and boundaries. ‘Fucking hell..i’m gonna-.’ he said as you took him all in and sucked lightly. He gave a long low moan as he came in your mouth and you swallowed every bit of it.

you came up to kiss him which he gladly accepted and flipped the dynamic again with him on top. he pressed your hips into the mattress as he slotted his body in between your legs whilst his mouth was still on yours. He looked at you with an expression you’d never quite seen before. It was soft, curious and lustful almost bordeline loving. He then looked at you as to say ready?

you nodded and smiled before feeling the tip of his cock rub against your clit making you moan softly. Immediately after, you felt what you had been waiting for. Draco. His dick entered you slowly and he set a slow pace. He put his head in the crook of your neck and began kissing and panting. The pressure of the pleasure was too much for you both. The slow pace was absolutely fucking heaven. You were both on cloud 9, involuntarily clenching around him with every thrust. This was not sex, he was making love to you.

‘Oh Draco. Yes...yes..more.’ you whined. He moved his head to suck on your tits as he was fucking into you. That was what pushed you over the edge and you screamed out a string of expletives along with draco’s name as you orgasmed and clenched around his cock. Seconds later he met with his own release cumming inside you, pulling you into a kiss as he came.

Draco slumped on top of you waiting to catch his breath. You knew it would be about another 30 seconds before he got up dressed himself and left. Just as you predicted he stood up, out of the bed and went to the carpet where his clothes were and began to put his trousers back on. No you thought you couldn’t go on like this any longer.

Before your brain could even stop you the word fell out. ‘Stay’ you said, terrified. He blinked and look at the ground and then back up at you and it was simply ‘Okay, sure.’ He removed his trousers being naked once more and climbed back into your bed with you. Draco’s arms instantly came around your waist and you put your leg across his stomach, rested your head on his chest and put your arm across too. You were cuddling Draco Malfoy post-sex.....this does not happen ever **The beautiful boy laid there looking up the at ceiling as you just looked at him

Your eyes finally met ‘You know, we don’t actually speak very much, if at all. Everytime we see each other we say hi but then we don’t talk.’ Draco pursed his lips ‘I don’t know how to speak to people. Especially if i’m fucking them.’ you looked at him confused ‘But the only person you’ve been fucking for the last 6 months is me and when we were in school it was pansy in 5th year and you spoke to her ’ he nodded ‘I know but she was terrible and I didn’t and don’t even like her. It’s just different with you.’

you removed yourself from him and sat up and furrowed your brows ‘Why? Because I’m worse?’ he sat up also and put his hand on the small of your back ‘Merlin, no you’re the best I’ve ever had. But it’s not because of any of that.’ you looked at him even more puzzled ‘Then why?’ you questioned again. He sighed before looking down ‘I love you.’ he admitted. Your eyes widened ‘What?’

Draco frowned ‘Im sorry. I do. I love you. I see you at gatherings laughing so carelessly with your friends and I wish it was me making you laugh. I time exactly when I’ll get to yours so that i know you’ve had enough time to get ready and settled before i come over. I know that you have green tea always and you enjoy watching the rain and having baths. You hate anything orange flavoured and you like muggle TV for who knows why. I know a lot more than you think I do because I want be the person who you feel like home with because I love you and i’ve just ruined everything.’ he put his head in his hands.

You carefully took his hands away taking in his broken hearted expression ‘I love you too Draco. So much’ you held your hands in his. He gazed at you in shock before tackling to you to the bed and kissing you. ‘So how about we get to know each other a little better?’ you suggested ‘Like a date night?’ he beamed. You laughed ‘Yes but right now I had more of a ‘round two’ situation in mind considering our current state.’ you looked between you two to see that you were still both naked.

He smirked ‘Read my mind Y/l/n.’ You kissed him again ‘I love you.’ ‘I love you more.’ he said

well....thank you anon. I enjoyed writing this far too much 😁

[arhvste]

Hi! I saw your Dad hcs and istg I wanted more 🥺 can you please make a part two with Sakusa (God i love this man) Hinata, Bokuto and Ushijima (do add more if you want) your works are amazing but the Dad hcs got me 💘

i re-read all my work last night and i consciously kept spelling sakusa’s name wrong 🤠 like i know his name i know what it sounds like but i kept getting mixed up between sasuka, sakura and sasuke because they all look the same to me 😳 I'm sorry sakusa pls forgive me 😼

also i will be doing ushijima in a seperate post for dad hcs with two other haikyuu boys a bit later so dw i haven't accidentally missed or ignored it! :) 

-

SAKUSA, HINATA AND BOKUTO AS DADS

-

SAKUSA

the two fo you only have one kid so far

a 3 year old girl 

you plan to extend your family soon though 👀

you already KNOW this man gets your kid every vaccination available for their age 

he is very protective over his daughter 

boys near her daughter at the playground

NOT on his watch 

he will simply scoop her up and suggest she play somewhere else 

this man doesn't care how mean it may seem

he’s not having his precious daughter surrounded by disgusting b-boys 🤮

“have they had their flu jabs? when was the last time they washed their hands? they're breathing their gross little germs too close to her”

“sakusa, they’re 3.”

sorry but no dating for your daughter 

sakusa teaches his little girl the concept of “boys have cooties” from a very young age 

this man is nothing but proud when that concept sticks with her 😈

“d/n, are you excited for pre-school?”

“daddy said there's going to be boys and boys have cooties so no 😠”

as she gets older though he does become more lenient with her and who she makes friends with 

he’ll secretly love it if you brought her to his games

he’s not huge on pda at all

but he won’t mind being caught on camera embracing the two of you when the team win 

atsumu is not allowed near your daughter when she’s a baby

“omi omiiiii why can’t i ‘ave a look t’cha daughter?”

“because she has been vaccinated and i fear your disgusting germs may be strong enough to over power it”

when she gets older though she straight up approaches atsumu on her own 

“so you’re the rat my daddy talks about a lot? you don’t look like much of a rat?”

atsumu doesn’t know whether he’s flattered that sakusa talks about him or offended that he refers to him as a ‘rat’

he won’t encourage your daughter to play volleyball

he wants her to pick her own hobbies and not feel pressured by his influence on picking an activity she’ll enjoy

secretly hopes your daughter takes up an individual activity like painting or something to keep away from other germ infected kids

but if your daughter does happen to pick a team sport he doesn't complain

she just has to wash her hands before she comes home and have a shower when she comes in

he is a very very proud father 

he may not be very expressive about it 

but he absolutely brags about his kid to other people

“my son won maths star of the week!”

“yeah? well my daughter won student of the year, highest achieving in her class and had 4 boys confess to her this week so”

he does make sure his daughter knows he is very proud of her despite his petty bragging

anything she does he takes pride in her 

it’s her who makes him want to have another kid

so get ready for round two y/n because when sakusa wants something he’ll make sure he gets it 😼

-

HINATA

now, you may think hinata would be nothing but pure chaos with his kids 

but

he is actually very responsible 

it’s hardly a surprise though because he grew up with a younger sister whom he took care of a lot 

from the second your triplet boys are born hinata is on it 

at first when you found out you were having triplets your mind went blank

“so like, 3 little shoyou’s running around my legs? 😀”

“ma’am are you okay?”

“i’m finE :)))”

surprisingly  two of your sons took more after you

but the youngest one 

phew 

he doesn't have an off switch 

he’s just like his father 

but that’s what makes him so loveable too

hinata is a doting dad 

he also encourages his kids to go out and make as many friends

he explains all the opportunities he had growing up and how far these opportunities took him to reach is goal

and this is all because he was open to meeting new people and being friendly with them

he makes sure his kids grow up with lots of aunts and uncles surrounding them

he wants his sons to grow up in a close environment 

your kids have so many aunts and uncles because hinata makes a new friend everywhere he goes ufshfi

your oldest son takes a liking to kenma the most 

your second oldest takes a shine to uncle oikawa

and the youngest?

uncle kaegyama ofc 😈

lmao when kageyama holds one of your sons for the first time he holds it by the leg with a straight face 

nobody thought they’d ever see hinata having to show kageyama how to hold a baby properly 

kageyama is lowkey excited he’s the fav but he’s so awkward fjishsgjh

bring your sons to his games 

he will absolutely smile and wave at his kids whenever he scores

and will pull them out excitedly into the arena when they win 

he has you all plastered on his social media 

he thinks everyone should know that you guys are the light of his life

he already had a fulfilled life before his sons but you gave him a whole new concept of love and excitement when they were born

you guys will totally take a vacation to brazil at some point 

hinata wants your family to meet all his friends over in brazil too 

hinata is mr worldwide 😎

with hinata as a dad, your kids will grow up in a very nurturing home

he wants the best for your kids and will teach them from an early age that any goal is possible 

and he’ll support them in every single way he can

-

BOKUTO

hinata as a dad isn’t chaos 

bokuto as a dad certainly is

he’s basically a child himself 

you guys have 2 kids

a 5 year old son and a 6 year old daughter

bokuto will try and BEFRIEND your kids

“kou baby, they're your kids not your friends”

“uh says who?”

“biology??? their dna?? the birth certificate??”

he literally lets his kids do whatever they want forcing you to be the bad cop (im so sorry)

your kids want ice cream for dinner?

consider it done

they want to adopt a snake?

bokuto has excitedly taken them to the pet store to pick out one each

you’re always the one who has to say no because if you didn’t these kids would be off the r a i l s

the first time your kids cries he cries

the first time your kids talk he cries

the first time they walk he cries

he’s full of emotion and the love he holds for your kids is often expressed through tears of happiness

when you leave bokuto and the kids alone 

things will go smoothly

until one of them starts crying and bokuto can’t stop them

then the other one starts crying and he is clueless on what to do 

he doesn’t want to call you because he doesn’t want to look pathetic 

so he calls the next best option 

uncle akaashi 😼

akaashi is like a walking parent website hfdjbgu

he literally instructs bokuto on what to do through the phone 

and if they still won't calm down akaashi will just sigh and agree to come over

you come home to the sight of akaashi reading a story book to your two kids who are staring up at him in awe from the floor

along with your husband 

“am i interrupting?”

bokuto will break out into smiles and practically pounce on you when you come home

“everything was under control wasn’t it? right akaashi?” :D”

akaashi will just sigh and give a small smile

“yes bokuto-san, everything was under control”

you give akaashi a small smile of apology and he’ll often join you for dinner

yeah your kids spend a lot of time with uncle akaashi but you know who’s adamant on being the favourite uncle?

uncle kuroo ofc 😎

he will spoil tf out of your kids 

we love rich, capitalist uncle kuroo

and he’ll tell them things about bokuto to irritate him

“kids, your dads a criminal he doesn't pay his taxes”

“taxes?”

“money everyone has to pay the government - basically it’s illegal and i think you should call the police on your dad 😈”

you actually have to stop your kids from calling the police on their dad fbhjdsfgu

again, another dad who wants nothing more than for his kids to come to his games

“HEY HEY HEY THAT”S MY FAMILY!!!”

no boundaries with pda

will pick you all up and shower you all with affection when they win

would love if your kids took up volleyball

would tell them it’s the best sport to play 

and they actually listen to him hduigefuiew

your son becomes a middle blocker 

and your daughter becomes an ace 

bokuto could die from happiness 

he will absolutely teach your kids and play and bring them to msby practices so they can watch up close and play along too

if bokuto is the father of your kids 

good luck but have fun with it

because while yes, he is still your big baby that needs taking care of from time to time

he is also an extremely loving father who would gladly give his kids the world and all the stars

[yyparkq]

hooked

characters: park sungjin x reader

word count: ~3.2k

summary: park sungjin is almost a perfect boyfriend for you...until he abruptly starts being emotionally withdrawn from you a few months into your relationship.

genre: fluff, smut

tw: mentions of anxiety, unprotected sex, slightly toxic relationship

requested by @parksungjinsfan

a/n: had tons of fun writing this really warm and cozy sungjin, thank you for the request!! tbh, i always see him as someone i’d be comfortable to share everything that’s on my mind. and i feel like he’s one of the very few people who will never judge you for your stupid mistakes but is also someone who needs to be taken care of. im blabbering too much. enjoy the story! :)

There was nothing special on the day you first met Park Sungjin. Like any other normal college student, you were able to find yourself a small circle you can trust and have fun with. Because of them, you have encountered the seemingly quiet and mysterious guy from the engineering class. He was best friends with the guy your close friend, Erin, was dating.

If first impressions last, like how they say it does, you’re fairly sure you would barely get more acquainted with a Park Sungjin. Unlike you, Sungjin is more reserved with a constant hang of serious air around him, like the type of person who barely laughs when someone makes a joke in front of him. He doesn’t always hang out with a lot of people but when he does, he’s always got an earphone dangling in one of his ears as if saying he’s only halfway present. He dresses neatly albeit casually—oftentimes in a plaid or button-down shirt and faded jeans with his dark, wavy hair falling shortly before his dark brown eyes.

He’s a pretty decent guy but not really the type you see yourself to be dating. But when you accidentally met him at the movie house alone and decided to grab dinner after, you two hit it off so smoothly. Turns out you both share the love for the book that was recently adapted onto the big screen. You two talked over dinner nonstop about the movie, how it varies against the book, the great and bad parts that were changed, the cast that played the role, the cinematography, the lines. Your exchange that night was nothing but informative and honestly, you craved more to be with him after that night so you asked him to hang out with you again. Sungjin already had a perfect proposal to invite you the second time if you didn’t ask. His mind worked extra hard trying to keep up with the conversation with you while thinking about how to ask you out for the second time at the back of his mind.

It was a ticket to an international classical play that he had up his sleeves which you gladly accepted.

One impromptu date was followed by a few more. After classes, you will meet over snacks or spend time in the library, reading and studying together. On weekends, you will try to watch movies you find interesting or go to museums.

You dating each other has not been a complete secret from your friends and you’re glad at how supportive they are to your new relationship.  Somehow, you learned that Sungjin is actually an easy-going person, he talks and laughs a lot when he’s comfortable with the people he’s with. He’s knowledgable and he knows how to listen and strike up a healthy argument when needed even though sometimes he could be a little awkward and even seem standoffish.

Your friends think that your relationship is pure and innocent—almost platonic as one could say—but they couldn’t be any more wrong. Yes, you and Sungjin maintain a totally discreet relationship when you’re in public and with friends. It’s not like you have to tell anyone but you laugh inside when some of your friends ask about the status of your sex life. You never responded to such questions positively, not too comfortable in sharing such intimate details about your life with anyone, and somehow it painted an idea in their heads that you and Sungjin have never had sex yet.

The thing is, you two are fairly active in that regard. There is an unbelievably strong bond between you and Sungjin after the first date that is almost impossible for either of you to resist.

It was after the third date when you first give in to your desire. After spending time looking at ancient monarch artifacts and roaming around the museum, you were met with heavy rains the moment you stepped out of the museum building. Being in the middle of the summer, neither of you had attempted to check the weather that day for any sign of impending downpour that day. Your thin, white button-down shirt styled as a dress stuck to your skin as you both ran for his car across the parking lot, rendering your clothes almost transparent the moment you climbed into the passenger seat. The sight of you being wet and in close proximity with Sungjin didn’t help him control himself either.

“Would you like to come over to my place?” he asked coolly after giving you his spare jacket from the backseat to cover yourself. Even with his imaginations going wild, he’s still a gentleman in your eyes.

“Sure,” you nodded, well aware of what’s about to come next. It could be seen as taking things too fast but frankly, you didn’t care. You wanted this and it seemed like he did too.

You blushed when he flashed you that warm smile that reached his eyes before starting the car and driving away.

Sungjin refused to let you go home that night until you practically cannot walk. He fucked you senseless until you’re almost out of your wits, one orgasm after another until you’re quivering uncontrollably.

It has been five months since you started dating. Everything’s going pretty well in your relationship except that you are in no exception for fights and misunderstandings. Everyone says it’s normal in every relationship but for you who has barely had a serious relationship like what you currently have with Sungjin, it’s a foreign feeling trying to make amends with someone you’re romantically involved with and had to choose the next move.

This is the first major fight with him. The last five months of dating have been wonderful until weeks ago when you noticed that your boyfriend started withdrawing himself from you, physically and emotionally. This stressed you out though you still tried your best to be there for him. Whenever you two are alone, you couldn’t really talk to him about anything for more than five minutes. His mind obviously wandering off and he never realizes it when you stop mid-sentence until you’re parting ways. Whenever you try to ask what’s been bothering him, he just easily dismisses it off, saying he’s tired and he lacks sleep—which is also why you tried to limit your meetings after classes and dates, thinking it would help him a bit to spare a few more hours to rest. This side of Sungjin is completely new to you as you’ve known him for being so straightforward in telling what he thinks or feels and is usually logical with his actions. The fact that he no longer shares what’s bothering him makes you think of a hundred different reasons for being cold towards you.

Has he had enough of you? Did he realize you were too plain and boring for his liking? Were you not good in bed? Did he find someone else?

The blood on your face drained at the thought of Sungjin going out with some other girl. But you can’t stop him if that’s what he wants, can you? You can’t tell him how to feel. Of all the things, to be an obsessive girlfriend is one you’re dreading the most and after all the sacrifices and adjustments you made to try to help him with whatever burden he’s lifting, you’re determined to let him find the answers to his troubles himself. It’s not that you no longer want to help him, you love him too much, after all, but how can you help someone who refuses to help himself?

“Sweetie, have you tried talking to him again lately?” your friend, Yejin asked.

You glared at her and disappointment crossed your face. Has she really been listening to ask that question?

“No, I mean, I thought the last real conversation you had personally was like, what, almost two weeks ago? Did you try seeing him after class again after that?”

The three of you sat at your usual place in the coffee shop when your class was canceled by the professor to attend some personal matters.

Shaking your head, you reached for your cup and took a sip before answering. “I haven’t. He kept saying he’s tired and needs sleep so I gave him time to rest. And it’s been four days of merely receiving a text message from him. He won’t text me unless I text him first. I have no idea what’s happening to him,” you looked at Erin’s direction. “Did JB say anything?”

“That motherfucker doesn’t tell me any of his friends’ business, Y/N, but let me see if I can get anything.”

Even your friends who got closer to your boyfriend can’t think of him as someone who would cheat or be entertained by other girls. After a whole hour at the coffee shop trying to guess the possible reasons for Sungjin’s actions,  they suggested a silly plan of making him jealous to see how he responds when you’re on the brink of being taken away from him.

You did not like the idea. It was ridiculous and manipulative. You’re no longer in high school.  

“Come on, that could be a wake-up call for him. Just think of it as a social experiment and you’ll be fine,” Yejin tried to persuade you.

Ridiculously scary. Deep down, you’re also scared of how he will react to this plan. What if the situation worsens instead of getting better? He could just not talk to you again forever and you'll be dwelling in your own pain alone because of a stupid idea. But doing something is better than sulking and doing nothing, right? You’re young, and when you’re young, you can be stupid for free.

So you agreed and you started planning your own little scheme with your friends, hoping not to cause any further damage to your entire relationship.

For days, Erin made up stories about a guy from your class who is making a move on you and told her boyfriend about the plan to make Sungjin jealous. When JB said his best friend interrogated him about the innocent guy, she knew the plan will be going well so she came up with another without telling you.

As a celebration for the nearing end of the finals, your seniors decided to throw a grand party. Such parties should be considered a tradition already since almost everyone finds an excuse to get wasted after studying hard for the whole semester. You’re not one to miss such a celebration, especially when you ever really party during after the hell week.

Overhearing JB’s conversations with his girlfriend about some dude lurking around you has brought him back to his senses. For the last couple of days, he contemplated and reflected on his attitude towards you. He’s been a jerk to you lately and frankly, he didn’t know how to approach you again after that. He’s been too occupied in his own head that he forgot he actually has you now, someone who’s more than willing to share his troubles. Before he knew it, he was dashing through his car to the party where Yejin told him you’d be.

You came to the party to try to not overthink the problem between you and Sungjin. After surviving the finals week with emotional baggage, you know you deserve some booze to celebrate walking out of at least one thing alive. the last thing you hear about your little scheme with your friends is that Sungjin fired questions to JB. But he didn’t talk to you after that. Thankfully, you were also too busy to worry about your grades and it’s been a great distraction so far. Now that the finals are over, you’ll be damned again.

Sungjin found you scooping from a large tub of ice cream from the kitchen, bottles of beer and half-filled party cups surrounding you in the little space. There is a guy beside you laughing at the way you’re trying to scoop a frozen solid treat using a regular spoon. You’re too focused on what you’re doing that you didn’t see him come right in front of you.

To your surprise, Sungjin snatched the tub out of grasp and grabbed your hand. You needed a second to process what just happened but you are elated to see your boyfriend after nearly three weeks.

You let Sungjin pull you but were shocked when the guy beside you grabbed on your other wrist. What the hell? You didn’t even know his name. You saw Sungjin squint at the nameless guy and you immediately yanked away from him, wincing at the sudden jerk of your own hand immediately after.

Sungjin kept you to his chest as he waded through the sea of drunk people. All the while, you kept looking at his face. It felt months since you’ve been this close to him and at that moment, you were just ready to feed on whatever excuse he could say. He could lie to your face at that moment and you’d still be happy to welcome him back into your arms.

Merely a few feet from his car, you stopped walking and tugged on his arm. You slowly closed the distance between you two and encircled your arms around his shoulders when he turned to look at you.

Sungjin looked at your face closely, noticing you’ve lost some weight by the way the dimple on your left poked your cheek a bit deeper than the last time he saw you. His hands automatically found their way at your sides.

“I miss you so much,” you whispered while searching his eyes.

Sungjin leaned forward and kissed you feverishly. He guided you on your back until you are leaning toward his parked car. He pressed his body against you and you continued kissing until you both needed to gasp for some air. After resting for a few seconds, he began nipping and sucking on the sensitive area on your neck.

Proper communication be damned—you need him to touch you and you need it as soon as possible. You squirmed beneath him to try to close your legs when you felt wetness pooling in your panties but Sungjin’s left leg was pressed between your thighs.

He understood what you’re trying to do and immediately pressed a thigh against your core, amused to feel your wetness even through the material of your panties. His cock twitched inside his pants.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m sorry,” he repeated as he embraced you tightly and kissed your temple before opening the door and letting you inside his car drove away.

Sungjin's hands quickly reached for the zipper of your dress, letting it pool around your feet, as soon as you reached inside his apartment. In an instant, his mouth was back against yours. He lifted both your thighs to circle his hips and your arms circled his broad shoulders for support.

You felt his hard shaft poking your entrance and you reached down to undo the fastening of his pants, pulling the waistband down just enough to free his throbbing cock.

Sungjin hissed when you grabbed his cock and spread the leaking precum over his tip. “Shit-”

You bobbed your hand up and down his length until you felt being laid down on the mattress, your boyfriend hovering over you.

He bucked his hips lightly to your touch and buried his head on your shoulders, to suppress his sinful moans.

You felt his body shake and he peeled himself off of you. “Baby, stop.”

Sungjin lifted his body and kissed the side of your head before reaching out to remove your soaked panties. He kissed and occasionally nipped the inside of your thighs before nudging the tip of his nose along your slit.

“Fuck, Sungjin stop tea—” you shrieked and were cut short when he licked a stip between your folds. Your hands immediately found purchase at his hair, tugging at it every time he licked your core and sucked on your clit.

“Language, baby,” he groaned hoarsely before inserting a finger into you. He continued his ministrations to your core, adding a second and third finger shortly after. “Need to stretch you up a bit more, baby. Damn, you got tighter without my cock deep inside you huh.”

You tried to stop Sungjin’s hands when you felt your release nearing. But he didn’t budge. He even picked up the pace and encouraged you to let go.

“Are you cumming, baby?”

You bit your bottom lip and nodded, unable to stitch words at the pleasure of having him between your thighs again.

“Words, baby. Use your words. Did you miss this? My hands and cock working on your pussy?”

“Sungjin—fuck, yes, I missed you and your cock inside me” you breathed and struggled to look him in the eye. “I missed you fucking me after classes.”

The memories of Sungjin fucking you in the most boring places brought you easily over the edge. In a few seconds, you are shaking uncontrollably and you felt your juices streaming out of your core deliciously.

Sungjin smirked as he leered at your pussy leaking out of cum. His hands didn’t cease its movements and continued to fuck you with his hands. Your whole body is almost quivering.

When he sensed you’re nearing your second orgasm, he grabbed his cock and positioned himself at your entrance. He coated himself with your juices before slowly pushing inside of you.

You stiffen for a short moment, trying to adjust to his size, and then slightly rolled your hips.

“I love you,” Sungjin whispered against your ear. “I love you, Y/N,” he repeated, this time against your lips, before bottoming out and sheathing himself inside you again.

You cried out in pleasure as he started to thrust into you harder and chased your orgasm.

Sungjin remained sheathed inside you even after shooting his load, his cock warming itself pretty nicely inside your pussy as he cuddled you on the bed.

Neither of you attempted to strike a conversation. You were not sure about him but the activity rendered you rather tired. A sound sleep while being cuddled would be much appreciated at that moment. Until you heard Sungjin sigh loudly. You looked over at him and saw his eyes being distant again.

“You have that look again,” you started slowly. You propped yourself in one arm, looked at him with adoration, and stroke his cheek. “Babe, you don’t have to tell me everything all at once. But please, don’t push me away. I love you and it’s hard for me to see you suffer on your own.”

He was fazed by the sadness in your voice. How could he ever deserve a girl like you? The last thing he wanted is to disappoint and burden you with his own problems and he thought at first he’s been doing a great job with it.  

Sungjin took a deep breath. He reached for your hand on his cheek and kissed it, bringing your torso against his once again. All the major problems that took the most space in his mind were spilled. He told you the pressure his family is bestowing upon him with the graduation and board exams around the corner and also their expectations for him to continue the business his father started.

You listened to his troubles. At that moment you knew you just needed to understand him, to try to perceive things in his shoes.

Sungjin isn’t the type of person who openly shares every little trouble he has as he’s afraid to burden other people. He believes everyone already has problems of their own and own demons to fight and dumping his worries could just add to that. But, oddly enough, hearing himself talk about it kind of helped to look at the situation again and evaluate his feelings and actions. As he continued to tell you his worries, he realized that it isn’t so bad to share the burden with your most trusted person.

[inglourious-imagines]

The Story of Their Lives (Lt. Aldo Raine)

Requested by: @tealaquinn

Summary: The story of Lt. Aldo Raine and Sgt. Y/N Y/L/N.

Prompts: 9 - Don't you touch her. & 12 - No one would hurt you again, or I'd kill them. & 21 - I wanna see how you lose control. & 24 - He's a badass with a good heart. & 39 - Kiss me. & 93 - You make me feel... you make me feel.

Author's Note: This is damn long so I really hope you like it! Also there are some parts in Italian so I'd like you to know, I've never learnt this language so there might be some mistakes. Feel free to send request or let me know if you wanna be tagged in these ♡

Taglist: @alienoresimagines @radiantcade @meteora-fc @kyra3155 @real-fans @not-john-watsons-blog @im-in-love-with-queen

.

.

.

Y/N and Aldo never showed some kind of an affection towards each other. They respected, trusted, appreciated the other one but these traits were common among the Basterds.

It seemed so innocent at first, almost like a teasing and none of the Jewish American soldiers expected to become it something more.

•••

They met at the very beginning of the Basterd's missions. Y/N was a french spy, a very famous one so she obviously got their attention since they'd gotten to France.

The Basterds recruited her in a bar and she immediately became one of them. Y/N fit within the group perfectly, like she was always destined to be a Basterd.

•••

After the third successful mission, they decided to stay the night in a local resistance hotel to relax and prepare for another action. Everyone went to their beds as soon as they could but Donny persuaded Y/N and Aldo to gamble a little before the sleep. 

"C'mon, just one game!" Donny pleaded. It didn't take much and the trio was sitting around a table playing their fifth game.

"I thought you're better at poker, Lieutenant." Y/N laughed as she grabbed another money she won.

"Shut up, Sergeant. I just am a bit lenient with ya, that's all." Aldo fought back, trying to cover the fact he's worse with cards than Hugo trying to actually smile for once. 

"Show me what you got, Lieutenant. I wanna see how you lose control." she winked at him and dealt the cards.

•••

Something changed in Aldo this evening. At first, Y/N was just another soldier sticking up for her country trying to end the war. But now he saw her in a totally different light.

He noticed what colour her eyes have, how she always ties her hair in a braid. 

He noticed how her cheeks blushed when he praises her after a good work.

He noticed how she scrunches her nose when she disagrees with someone. 

All those little things were filling his head. Aldo was so full of it. It was during the other mission when he completely understood his feelings.

•••

One moment and his whole world flipped. 

Aldo was so angry with himself that he missed such an important thing.

Like a gun. 

The German soldier was just kneeling in front of Aldo when he reached in his pocket. It all happened so quickly then.

The German pulled out a gun and with one last defiance he pulled the trigger. But it wasn't Aldo who got hit. 

It was the woman behind him.

Aldo was like deprived of his senses. He threw away the piece of bread he was eating and jumped at the German. If Wicki didn't pulled him back, Aldo would probably beat the guy to death.

And that was Donny's speciality.

"Don't you fuckin' touch her! Or look at her!" Aldo shouted hitting his face with his fist one more time.

Y/N was so taken away by his behaviour, not really sure where the anger got from.

"What the hell, Lieutenant?" she frowned, "it's just a goddamn scratch on my arm. The bullet didn't even hit me properly." 

Aldo froze whereas Donny and Hugo looked at each other with knowing smiles. They finally realised what was going on.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he tried to brush it off, gesturing to the Basterds to continue with the scalping. "It's fuckin' bleedin' a lot!"

"It's fine. Nothing too serious, Lieutenant." Y/N replied.

Aldo just shook his head as he took off his scarf and tied it around the wound. "No one would hurt ya again, or I'd kill 'em."

•••

The Basterds got ordered to rest a bit because there was a big mission on its way. They didn't know what it was but they all welcomed a full night sleep.

But Y/N didn't feel like going to bed. Instead, she took her cigarettes and sat at the balcony of the apartment they got settled in.

It was a chilly night but she didn't mind. She actually liked cold more than heat.

"Aldo seems a bit off lately." Donny's voice broke the silence as he positioned himself next to her.

"What you mean?" she asked offering him a cigarette which he gladly accepted. 

"Remember how he beated up the German officer two weeks ago? I've never seen him like that."

"Oh Donny. He's just a badass with a good heart. I assure you, Aldo's just fine."

Donny shrugged but didn't say anything. This wasn't his secret to tell even though the change in Aldo's behaviour towards her was so damn obvious. 

Donowitz glanced at Y/N smiling a bit. He understood why Aldo fell for the female Basterd. 

•••

Bridget von Hammersmark was laying in front of them with a bullet in her leg while Hugo, Archie and Wicki were dead.

Y/N was standing in the corner of the room, lost in her thoughts, mourning for her lost friends. She knew something like that had to happen but she also believed in Basterds and part of her thought that they'll all come back home one day.

Y/N wasn't able to look at the actress anymore. She quickly left the room not looking at anyone while she lighted her cigarette. It'd been becoming too much to handle for her.

"Are you alright?" Aldo frowned as he walked towards her. "You still in?"

She laughed sarcastically at his question sheaking her head. "Yeah, of course, business. I'm in, Lieutenant."

"I didn't mean in like that and ya know it."

"Yeah, sorry. It's just-"

"I know, Sergeant. This whole event got me thinkin'. I gotta tell you something."

Y/N threw away her cigarette as she looked directly at him. She wasn't sure if it was the light or the sentiment, but Aldo's eyes never seemed so beautiful to her like they did in that moment. 

"The truth is," Raine began as he stepped closer, "you make me feel... you make me feel, Sergeant."

•••

When Y/N stepped into the room in a black plain tight dress, the conversation between the Basterds immediately stopped. They'd never seen her in anything but in uniform or the civilian clothes. Donny dropped the glass of whiskey he was drinking, Hugo's knife fell on the ground with a loud crash, Omar and Wicki stayed there with their mouths wide opened, Archie Hicox smirked and Aldo, Aldo was taken away and wasn't able to get out a word.

"Please, gentlemen! This is how you welcome a beautiful woman? She looks magnificent!" Bridget von Hammersmark exclaimed gesturing towards Y/N.

"It's so uncomfortable," Y/N frowned and tried to adjust the dress a little, "and so impractical." 

"I think it's perfect." Aldo breathed out and Bridget smiled in satisfaction.

Y/N truly looked like a completely new person. And Aldo's feelings mixed once again. She was so special to him, like water is special to desert. His life was dry without an excitment. She was the water that refreshed him after a long time of loneliness.

•••

Bridget, Aldo, Y/N, Donny and Omar stepped into the small local cinema, already so full of Nazi officers.

"It makes me sick." Y/N snorted as she looked around on the German uniforms. "I have two knives and a gun and I'm not afraid to use them right now."

Aldo laughed next to her and gallantly put his hand on her hip pulling her closely to him.

"Just relax, darlin'. We'll do that later." Aldo winked at her, not letting her go for a moment.

Bridget suddenly seemed like she'd seen a ghost. An older man approached their little group and Y/N immediately understood with whom they have the honor.

Bridget and Hans Landa shared a short conversation before they turned to them. Hammersmark formally introduced the Basterds and Y/N flinched a little under the German's look. Aldo noticed right away her change of attitude and stroked her hip gently.

"Sei assolutamente incredibile, signorina! Ho notato che molti ufficiali hanno voltato la testa dopo di te." (You look absolutely stunning, miss! I noticed that many officers turned their head after you.) Hans Landa grinned and Y/N thought it was the most disgusting thing ever.

"Grazie mille signore. Sono sicuro che stai esagerando." (Thank you very much, sir. I'm sure you're exaggerating.) Y/N faked a smile and clenched her hand in fist to remain calm.

All of the Basterds with Bridget jerked their heads towards her. Her fluent Italian took them away as well as Landa.

"Quanto amo la lingua italiana! E dalla bocca di una donna così bella, è una musica per le mie orecchie." (How I love the Italian language! And from the mouth of such a beautiful lady, it's a music for my ears.)

"Mi stai adulando, signor Landa. Non hai un brutto aspetto." (You're flattering me, Mr Landa. You don't look so bad yourself.) Y/N felt like vomitting any next second. 

Aldo had enough of Landa's fake attitude, especially how Y/N looked so stressed and angry. He decided he has to step in or she won't hold herself back. Aldo recalled the one sentence he learnt yesterday, just in case he'd need to interrupt a moment in a formal way. This was the time.

"Baciami, adesso." (Kiss me, right now.) he stated and pulled Y/N even closer than before. She didn't manage to prostest or ask a quick question and their lips touched. She returned the kiss immediately and ran her fingers through his hair.

Until someone coughed.

They pulled apart from each other, Aldo smiling widely like a winner and Y/N blushing harder than ever.

"Ci scusi signore. Il mio ragazzo qui è un tipo appassionato. Devi perdonarlo." (Excuse us, sir. My boyfriend here is the passionate kind. You must forgive him.) Y/N stuttered and but looked directly at Landa.

•••

Operation Kino was over and it was now only her, Aldo and Utivich. They lost everybody along the way. They stood together side by side through everything. They'd become something stronger than family, friends, lovers. They faced death together and nothing could break the bond they'd created over the years. It was time to go home.

Y/N stood on the ship that was taking the Basterds, or what was left of them, home. The wind was dancing on her hair whispering secrets in her ears.

"I never thought I'd make it back home." Aldo Raine appeared next to her with a cigarette between his lips.

"None of us thought so, Lieutenant." she nodded, "but the difference is, we were wrong. Not them."

"Smart as always." Aldo grinned as he turned to her. "You should stop calling me Lieutenant. The war's over."

Y/N giggled at his statement and he could swear he'd never heard something so melodic, something so right. 

"It kinda sticked with you, Lieutenant."

Aldo didn't answer, instead he threw away the cigarette and took some deep breaths. He needed whiskey, or anything else that would give him at least a bit of courage.

Aldo Raine fought in war, he saw his friends die, he was broken by everything he saw and still, asking Y/N a simple question seemed harder than surviving the bloodshed.

"Spill it out, Lieutenant." she laughed as she glanced at him. 

"I hate how ya always do that. But here it goes," Aldo replied, "I've never been good at this so I'll just keep it short."

He stopped for a moment and stared at the woman in front of him. As he stepped closer, his heart was already racing like it'd never before.

"Why don't ya come to the States with me? We can buy some little house in the Smoky Mountains and live there for the rest of our fuckin' lives." Aldo confessed in his Raine kind of way, looking at her with so much hope in his eyes. 

"Is this some kind of your proposal?" Y/N chuckled as she intertwined her fingers with his.

"Maybe."

"I thought you'd never ask! Of course I'll come with you! You're everything I have, Aldo." 

[laufire]

Supernatural s5

I finished it a little while ago, but I haven’t had the time to make an involved post about it -or watch that much of s6 yet; I’m trying to be Resposible and the time I have has been spent in advancing fics a little bit or answering short asks lol.

-I have really enjoyed this season for the most part, but there’s something I need to get of my chest LOL: all through it, the song “Too Many Dicks (On The Dance Floor)” played in my head xDD. Like, listen, I knew what I was signing up for with this show!! I didn’t expect NOT to find it offensive or regressive on multiple occasions!! But I guess s3-4 must have spoiled me lmao. I’m not saying those seasons are the height of feminism, but if you removed its most important female characters, ESPECIALLY Ruby, the plot of the season would fall apart. That’s not something you can say for s5 and preventing the Apocalypse, just sayin’.

It wouldn’t’ve been that hard to expand Meg’s, Anna’s or the Harvelle’s part (they had good material to go there -Meg as the faithful possibly opening her eyes, Anna as the betrayed and the juror jury and executioner, the Harvelles as normal hunters fighting something way too big for them-, but barely any time and like I said, no incidence in the actual plot of the season). Hell, I’m biased but bringing back Ruby would’ve at least taken care of the problem lol. Or if the show had indulged me and kept Bellamy Young as Lucifer, at least. But everyone with a real say in the plot is a dude, or at least wearing one as a vessel (angel’s conception of gender is clearly different from humans, but in terms of ~~representation the results are the same lbr).

-My constant frustrations with Supernatural’s bigotry-related stuff lol, like I said, I really enjoyed the season (that combination is one of the most frustrating things about the show lmao). Especially Castiel’s plot. The guy has reached Potential Hall of Faves status and that’s hum. A Problem xD

But seriously, he was breaking my heart in all the best ways. His search for God (the Absent Father that the show specifically compared to John añsldkfjasf. This show ISTG!!), his disappointment and sense of betrayal at being let down (he called God Himself “son of a bitch”!!!). I was especially fascinated by his Endverse version -that AU will have its own section lol-, although it resulted in making me reaaaally nervous whenever he was close to an addictive substance :). Like yes, those scenes were lowkey humourous and adorable (like when he drinks shots with the Harvelles and Ellen is fascinated and Jo delighted -... lowkey shipping this too btw. Lowkey shipping Castiel with lots of people-, or his combo with Sam when he got drunk), but also, you know, WORRYING xD

Some of my favourite scenes of his were, predictably, his interactions with Meg or Lucifer in 5x10. The Megstiel scene was SUPER HOT (both their voices are very unf-y lol), I can’t wait to edit it. And having Lucifer call Castiel “a peculiar thing” sure was something xD (although lbr, this Lucifer isn’t keeping with his rebel angel reputation, Castiel is carrying that all by himself smh).

Another scene I couldn’t get out of my head if I wanted to is when he uhhhh... completely LOSES IT and starts beating the crap out of Dean when he was ready to give it up to Michael. “I gave everything for you, and this is what you give me?!?” ooooooof. It was hard to watch, and fascinating and intense. I shamelessly loved it lmfao.

Though my favourite moment of his is one that can only be appreciated when you know certain things about s6. It’s the scene where, unlike everyone else, he shows appreciation for Sam’s plan of sacrificing himself to get rid of Lucifer. Because yes, at this point it’s the only thing that can save the world. But Castiel isn’t saying, “Sam’s life is a small price to pay in comparison”, because he will go into s6 and snatch Sam out of the cage immediately. s5 established Sam got out, so with that in mind, he didn’t bring it up because he didn’t want to create false hope in case he failed, but he backed the plan with the intention of saving Sam anyway. I love that. I love him.

-The entire season was Missing Ruby Hours for me lmfao. Like I said, some of the problems in the season wrt female characters would’ve been at the very least lessened if she’d gotten to be here wrecking havoc. But generally I just miss her and What Could Have Been with her here. I enjoyed some of the crumbs (Sam using the witchcraft skillz he learned from her! Sam immediately knowing Meg isn’t Ruby, unlike Dean! Her knife! The ARCHANGEL GABRIEL referencing her as “the demon Sam chose over his brother”!! The callbacks with Crowley or Brady!!), but I would’ve wanted her here, dammit xD.

-Aaaaand we’re finally getting to Sam, who is without a doubt the star of the season, if you ask me. His plan at the end, to let Lucifer possess him in the hopes he can fight back for just long enough to overpower him and throw them both into the cage, with no hopes for himself? This is the kind of Big Damn Hero stunt I’m a sucker for, I won’t lie. And I love that the show felt the need to confirm he was still alive at the end of the season hehe.

He really Went Through It this season and he held on lmfao. On top of everything (the apocalypse, the guilt of being its final trigger, the addiction recovery, etc.), he also had to deal with Dean’s usual bullshit, which is no small feat xDD. Like, sure, from an audience stand-point all those things are interesting (some fave/the fuck moments are when Dean is obviously peeved that Bobby still supports Sam because he wanted Bobby in HIS corner, or when he has the nerve to say he wants to say yes to Michael because he doesn’t trust SAM not to say yes to Lucifer lmfaoooo), BUT IT’S STILL A FEAT XD

One note: for all the talk about bi!Dean, bi!Sam is so SEEN this season xDD. AFAIC he totally hooked up with that bartender Paul (RIP Paul. At least in your last moments you enjoyed Sam, who’s clearly an energetic, attentive lover 😔). And Crowley refers to Brady as Sam’s demon ex-boyfriend and nobody bats and eye lmfao (that story is so angsty... the parallels to Ruby, how he ingratiated himself with Sam by pretending to have fallen off the wagon... ouch).

-I have mixed feelings on Crowley. On his own, I fell absolutely in love with the guy on his first appearance. A demon that DOUBTS Lucifer and doesn’t kiss his ass?? That wants to get rid of him and do his own thing?? And clearly enjoys ~earthly pleasures to the fullest (his complains about how the other demons ate his tailor had me rolling laksjdfa)? The way he turned the tables on Brady? OFC I love him. OTOH boy, does it annoy me knowing that fandom GLADLY embraced him when they condemned characters like Bela or Ruby for similar things. It’s not his fault so I still like him (he’s like Gabriel in that sense), but it’s annoying!

It also annoys me how Dean Must Be Right All The Time syndrome interacts with him lol. This season Dean decides they can trust Crowley (despite Crowley killing two humans in front of him and getting him beat up by Brady lol), so they can. Next season he decides they can’t, so Castiel will be WrongTM because Dean Says So. Ugggggh xD

-To be fair, however, this season has my fave Dean so far LOL. In the love/hate scale, this one has been almost solely in camp love, barring some of those moments of irksome hypocrisy that he’s so prone to xD.

But there was something about how this season’s plot chipped away at him, you know? For all the traits he has that drive me up the wall or unsettle me, I appreciate a lot of his personality because it makes him a unique and interesting character driving the narrative -his irreverence, his ability to think on the fly and get out of shitty situations, his disbelief. Seeing all of those things under siege this season made me hurt for him in a way I hadn’t anticipated LOL. By the time he was ready to give in to Michael (and I love that what made him step away from that choice was Sam showing a trust in him he patently didn’t deserve lbr), sometimes I felt terribly for the guy.

I also wonder if this season kind of marked like... the beginning of the end for him, narrative-wise? Making him Michael’s vessel (his angel condom) is the kind of thing that turns him from subject into object, and that can doom characters ime. The fact that he ~resigns himself to Sam’s death when his identity as a character came with being His Brother’s Keeper is another slight.

-I continue having mixed feelings about Destiel too LMAO. I’ve decided I’m just going to try to enjoy the good and interesting parts while I can, while trying not to think of future developments that’ll likely sour the ship for me lol.

Because in truth, yeah, I enjoy their interactions a lot here! The Endverse was particularly enjoyable for me (back to that in a moment), but the entire season had a lot of gems. That moment in the finale, when Dean is wounded on his knees after Sam sacrifices himself, and Castiel resurrects and heals him with a touch? And Dean is staring in awe and asks him if he’s become God?? Like wtf am I supposed to do with that. WHO SAYS THAT. XDD

-The Endverse. Omgggggggg. The Endverse. I doubt I can say anything about it that hasn’t been said a thousand times, but seriously. I loooove it, all of it. My favourite was endverse!Castiel, ofc. The way he was in No Man’s Land, not an angel and not quite a human, his ways of trying to cope with that, how burned he was... I uncomfortably related to some of it too lmfao, but let’s not get into that xD.

Seeing both Deans interact was gr10 too. They really couldn’t stand each other lmfao (do you understand me now Dean?? They actually reminded me of two OCs in an original WIP of mine that are in a similar situation -in this case it’s the future version purposefully traveling to the past though-, which made me even fonder of the AU). And the Destiel? *chef’s kiss*. The bitterness, like when Castiel laughs when present!Dean berates endverse!Dean about the tortures and then purposefully says “I like past you” to hurt him asñldkfjasf. Or those looks when Dean returns to the past and tells Castiel to “never change” d’aw.

I loved Lucifer!Sam in this episode too (and personally, I think in the finale Lucifer -and Michael- should’ve changed his outfit too. Sam’s clothes just don’t get to The Devil’s levels, but that white suit was perfect). He was terrifying xD.

BTW: I’ve decided that, since we never see endverse!Castiel die, well. He didn’t xD. I could see Lucifer keeping him alive and captive out of a sense of nostalgia, as Castiel is the only other thing close to a fellow angel left. Might even decide to return his powers with time, or to ~entice him with such an offer lol. And ofc I headcanon Sam is still inside, occasionally trying to fight. Cue in all the Castiel/Lucifer and Castiel/Sam fic ideas too (I have waaaaay too many of those for this mini-verse. It’s very inspiring).

-I’m still on the fence at Lucifer’s motivations but I can’t question how the family issues fit so, so well into this ‘verse. “Family is hell” is the show’s thesis, after all xD. IMO the angels in general don’t feel like a family, they’re a military body/cult lol, but the Archangels are another matter. I guess is the whole “only four angels have seen God-slash-Dad” thing, the rest were... well, the help, apparently.

But Lucifer, Michael, and Gabriel do feel like brothers when they interact (I’m guessing here Gabriel is the Adam: discarded by the other two like nothing :)))). Raphael too, but since he doesn’t interact with them... does he get to later? Or is he the odd one out? Did the others avoid him because he kept quoting Nietzsche at dinner?? LOL.

-There are no words to explain how terribly I feel for Adam. JFC that poor KID. Who was kind and helpful and intuitive, and only wanted his mother back and to help stop the end of the world. And that Sam and Dean will leave rotting in Hell for a millennia :))). It’s kiiiiiiiiind of hard to do for your show’s “heroes” when they do shit like that lmfao. It’d be different if they never tried to make him feel he’s family, but Sam tried to convince him with the bs “because we’re blood” and they did a half-baked attempt at saving him from Zacharias, and then... yeah. At least he had Michael in the cage, but still.

-I was already spoiled of this, but the reveal that cupids made John and Mary fall in love is so chilling (good on Dean for punching that cupid asshole, btw). It puts what Mary says about John in flashbacks, about how much she loves him and how perfect he is, in such a terrifying light. And I’m under the impression that the show didn’t bother to deal with this properly when they resurrected Mary and just... I hate that tbh. It’s a narrative choice that should have a huuuge impact, dammit.

-I kind of loved how bitter and angry Bobby was about (temporarily, thanks to Crowley, his new demon bf -watch out Rufus) ending up in a wheelchair. That there were no platitudes or false sentimentality and it just... was.

-The Harvelles’ had a good send off. I can respect Kripke for wanting his faves to go on his terms lol. Having Jo refuse Dean’s offer of a fuck on their possible last night on Earth with “I rather spent it with a little thing I have self-respect”? Not because she doesn’t have feelings for him, but because she thinks she deserves better from him? I love it. This guy knows his pettiness xD

-The fact that this fandom seems to have ignored Gabriel x Kali is one of the reasons I’m never going to vibe with it, sns. Immortal exes? Check. She tricked him and killed him... but then it turns out HE tricked and he’s alive? Check. BUT THEN HE STILL GOES BACK AND SAVES HER, DYING BY HIS BROTHER’S HAND?? CHECK CHECK CHECK. Ugh, why can’t they come back to me. I know, I know, Kali is a WoC and those are only allowed one (1) appearance before they’re killed off, apparently. So it might be a good thing that she doesn’t return xD. But gosh, they were gr10.

-Death the Horseman’s intro cleared my skin. I love him. I love how utterly terrifying he is and how chilling his and Dean’s scene was. And I yearn to find a picture of the guy a little younger and with a goatee, because he’s the most perfect Discworld’s Vetinari fancast I’ve ever found xDD

-I’ve seen tons of commentary over the years, and especially lately for obvious reasons, about how this season finale would’ve been a much better ending for the show. I’m not there yet, and it does sound like the finale was a mess and this one’s was a very well constructed episode (and, ofc, the Final Love Interest was NOT blurry!!). But even if by the end I come to loathe the finale, there’s one reason I already know won’t let me agree on the s5 ending being perfect: God xDD

The episode makes Chuck come across as a ~benevolent figure and no, fuck that, do NOT want, take it away from me!! Give me God as the Big Bad Wolf, the last evil to conquer any day. It’s like Dumbledore all over again: I enjoy the character a lot more if I feel canon and I are on the same page wrt his shadiness xDD

[breathings-of-the-heart]

I feel the most loved from physical affection but I can still feel love from any other forms so Im quite flexible in that area. I feel most comfortable when taking care of others so having an s/o who relies on me would be nice. I have a realistic and down to earth perspective on life & I get excited easily. My hobbies are drawing and cooking/baking :) Thank you so much and sorry if it was too much info

Thank you so much for your request, lovely! From everything you’ve told me about your wonderful self, I ship you with...

...Eren Jeager!

~ Getting to know him ~

Eren’s love for you definitely took him by surprise; snuck up on him when he wasn’t paying attention. After all, you weren’t the flashy type who would go out of their way to impress other people for the sake of being the center of attention. But it was that laid-back, kind, reliable nature that drew him in like a warm embrace-- the type Eren couldn’t shake. 

I imagine you being a talented medic in training for the Survey Corps, the strong desire to help people bringing you to the place that needed it most. Most post-expedition days were stressful and the infirmaries were always understaffed, with innumerable amounts of casualties to make your days dimmer. Your resilience was always unwavering when it came to this, however, and you became known to all for having those soft eyes and smiles. Soldiers always felt more comfortable around your soothing presence, taking your hand in theirs whilst you treated their wounds to the very best of your ability. 

The first time you met Eren was when the scouts earned custody over him, and Levi Squad took over in assessing his capabilities. Although the male had regenerative powers, your job was to make sure he was alright after titan experiments and observe the extents of his endurance. This was what you were briefed on... 

...but none of it prepared you for seeing young male in front of you: his blue-green ocean eyes forever etched into your daydreams. 

Eren’s first impression of you was refreshing, and, to be brutally honest, relieving. Most people tip-toed around him in fear, reluctance, or hesitation because of what he was. The first time he transformed in front of everyone, trying to reach the teaspoon that fell on the ground, you proved to be someone set apart from other scouts. Seeing the fear and confusion on his face told you everything you needed to know; it was heart-warming to see a someone he barely knew stick up for him the way you did: waving off Levi squad as they drew their swords in hostility. 

“Guys, calm down, please. Eren knows just as much about this as we do. So just-- back off, alright? Screaming isn’t going to make anything better.” 

You turned around to look him in the eyes and he instantly felt safer.

And from that day on it was pretty easy for him to trust you. 

Naturally, with the amount of time you spent together, the two of you became close pretty quickly. Your down-to-earth personality kept his fiery passion grounded; you balanced each other out. Every day while you did your check-ups Eren would tell you anything and everything: from events throughout his day and what his life was like before the fall of Wall Maria, to what his goals for the future. And every day without fail, he’d leave the infirmary with a cute doodle tattooed on some part of his arm that he wore with pride.  

It was an unlikely friendship, but one Eren greatly valued: he’d do almost anything for the people he cared about, and now, that included his friendly, sweet, personal nurse.

No matter how used to each other you got, though, examining a shirtless Eren for bruises and marks never failed to make you blush. 

~Your first kiss~

There were times when the experiments became more and more difficult for Eren, especially when practicing hardening his titan skin. He rarely showed it, but you knew him well enough at this point to see he was having a hard time. And because of that selfless nature, you took it upon yourself to make him feel better. 

“Eren, wake up,” you whispered one day, shaking the brunette gently. 

His eyelids fluttered open at the sound of your voice, pulling him out of sleep as the orange sunlight of the early morning filtered into his room. 

“What is it? Are you alright?” He had asked as he sat up, the question making your heart swell.  

“Yes, I am alright. But look, I made something for you.” 

Eren’s eyes dragged across your figure, appreciating the familiarity of this person he’d grown quite close to. Your messy bedhead was endearing, almost as much so as the proud smile adorning your face. 

A tray laid out in front of you, a steaming batch of pastries neatly placed on top. Each was decorated with an immense amount of detail and care, beautifully shaped and frosted. They were vibrant and delicate, appearing to have taken hours to make, each topped with fresh fruit and dusted with powdered sugar. The mouth-watering smell woke him up even more as he looked from them back to you. You must have spent all night making these for him. 

“I know you’ve been working extra hard recently...” your voice trailed off in sudden timidness. “...so I just wanted to start your day off with a little something to, hopefully, I don’t know, make it better.” 

Eren was standing up now, taking the tray from you and placing it on the bedside table as his heart constricted. The gesture struck him more than he’d expected, and caught him off guard: no one had done anything like this for him before. 

As he gazed at your features and tried to decode the strange feeling in his chest, a breeze swept through the open window and brushed the strands of hair past your face. They danced like ribbons before settling and a sudden rush of fondness Eren like a slap until all he could look at was your lips. 

“You don’t want to try them?” you asked disappointedly, taking his silence as in-amusement.

In a daring moment of boldness, Eren grabbed you by the hips and pulled you close to him, claiming your lips in a kiss. 

"I don't know what I’d do without you,” he murmured.

~ Being in a relationship ~

It was no secret that Eren had a lot on his plate; as much as he wanted to spend more romantic time with you, he shouldered a lot of responsibility. He was lucky that you understood this, and thankful that you were the one to patch him up and remain by his side throughout it all. 

There are a lot of little things he does that shows you he loves you: we all know the boy is not the best with words, after all. Things like draping his cloak around your shoulders, asking if you’d eaten today, brushing your hair behind your ears, or rubbing your shoulders when you’re stressed. 

Although he doesn’t admit it too often, he relies on you a lot. Eren has lost so much in his life and was motivated by hatred and anger before he met you, so naturally his priorities changed to revolve around a future where the both of you can live together in freedom. 

Believe it or not, Eren loves to cuddle. At the end of the day he just wants to forget the world and have you in his arms as you whisper sweet nothings in his ear. He loves being the big spoon, but there are moments you can tell he just needs to be held. (To which, you gladly oblige) 

Eren absolutely adores when you play with his hair. He will complain if you don’t do it for long enough, and pull your hand back if he is not satisfied. Sometimes you pull away just to tease him. 

He is also very protective. He will pull you closer anytime another male stares at you for too long and isn’t afraid to start fights. (Obviously. This is Eren we’re talking about.)  

PDA isn’t really his thing, but before doing anything dangerous, giving you forehead kisses is a must. 

You always write “I love you” on Eren’s forearm before any mission, and ask him what he wants you to draw next to it. His requests range from “chibi titan” to “big-ass trees” to “whatever your heart desires”

~ End ~

I hope you like it! I’d love to hear back from you on your opinion, so feel free to let me know how you felt about your pairing. Thank you again for the ask, and stay safe/healthy cutie <3

[assembledherethevolunteers]

Future Management Chapter 6

A/N: Hi, everybody! Thank you so SO much for being patient with me for this chapter.  I’m still dealing with…whatever I have going on and feel like my lungs are on fire every time I cough (which is a lot), so that’s really fun. Anyway! You are amazing and I love you! I hope you continue to read and enjoy!

Pairing: Ben Hardy x fem!Reader

Summary: You and Ben Hardy had been together for the better part of a decade.  After hitting a rough patch, the two of you decide to end things. However, one small surprise keeps you two connected more than you thought.

Warnings: Smut-ish (I wouldn’t quiet call it smut, but it does start off the chapter, so ya know), angst (I know, surprise), fluff, cursing, ya know, I’m sure there’s some stuff I’m missing.

Catch Up:  Prologue (https://assembledherethevolunteers.tumblr.com/post/188795655663/future-management)  Chapter 1 (https://assembledherethevolunteers.tumblr.com/post/188846514968/future-management-chapter-1) Chapter 2 (https://assembledherethevolunteers.tumblr.com/post/188923255568/future-management-chapter-2) Chapter 3 (https://assembledherethevolunteers.tumblr.com/post/189095339763/future-management-chapter-3) Chapter 4 (https://assembledherethevolunteers.tumblr.com/post/189199837403/future-management-chapter-4) Chapter 5 (https://assembledherethevolunteers.tumblr.com/post/189300488163/future-management-chapter-5)

Taglist:  @lovebirdy93​ @jonesyaddiction​ @im-an-adult-ish​ @taylorroger-s​  @springholland​ @stassaurus @hahaboop​ @tcnystqrks @bloatedandlonly @doctorwhatwhenandwhere  @amy-brooklyn99 @mercurycrowley@shineedrmgrl @yourstateofdreaming If I missed you I’m sorry! Please let me know if you want to be added.  

Ben placed his hands on your thighs and angled you closer, deepening the kiss.  You moaned into it and Ben took the opportunity to lick into your mouth.  You slid your arms around Ben’s neck.  

“Fuck, I’ve missed you,” Ben whispered against your lips before devouring your mouth again.  You were practically in Ben’s lap and it still wasn’t close enough.  You wanted more.  Kissing Ben had ignited something in you that you were sure hadn’t been lit since you found that note he left you.  

Ben slid one of his hands down your body and started playing with the hem of the sweatshirt.  

“Ben,” you moaned.

“I don’t know if here’s a great place for us to continue,” Ben muttered as he started pressing kisses around your face.  “The couch?”

“Or upstairs?”

Ben looked at you, trying to keep the hope out of his eyes.  “A…are you sure?  We…um…we don’t…”

You pulled Ben back into a deep kiss.  

“Let’s go,” you stood up and pulled Ben with you.  He beamed at you and your heart melted a little bit.  

The two of you practically ran up the stairs.  Ben smacked your butt and you squeaked.  You turned and looked at him.  He just smirked.  

“Sh, love, we can’t wake Eliza now, can we?”  

“You’re kidding m…”

Ben silenced you with kiss. He pressed you against the wall and you could feel all of him against you.  Ben pulled away and you tried to follow him.  He chuckled under his breath.  

“Come on.”  

As you passed through the hallway, you stopped outside of Eliza’s room.  

“Let me just check on her,” you whispered.  You very quietly opened Eliza’s door and glanced in at her.  You felt Ben wrap his hands around your waist and rested his chin on your shoulder as the two of you watched your daughter sleep.  Ben kissed your temple.  

“She’s beautiful like her mother,” Ben’s voice rumbled in your ear.  It sent a shiver through you to have him that close again.  

“You think her mother’s beautiful?”  

“Of course I do,” Ben started kissing your neck.  “Inside and out,” He nipped at your jaw as he pulled you closer.  

“Maybe you should show her then,” you hummed.  

“Gladly,” Ben pulled the door shut and then led you to his bedroom.  He shut that door as well.  He walked back to you and pulled you into a kiss, but this one was slightly different. There was something beyond heat there. You were tentative to name it.  It reminded you of the kisses the two of you had shared on your wedding night.  

Ben rested his forehead to yours.  

“We really don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Ben’s eyes were closed, and you knew he meant it.  He wanted you to be comfortable.  

You cupped his face in your hands and gave him a long chaste kiss.  

“I know,” you started pulling his shirt out from being tucked into his pants.  “But I want to,” you started unbuttoning his shirt and slid it off him.  You groaned looking at him and pulled him into another kiss, pulling away only to slide his sweatshirt off you.  Ben reached behind you and slid the zipper down on your dress.  He ran his hand down your now exposed skin.  You felt goosebumps appear on your skin.  

“Alright, darling?” Ben’s voice was sultry and deep.  

“I’m amazing,” you responded as you started tracing his belt buckle.  Just as Ben lifted your head with his finger on your chin, you pulled away, stepping out of your dress as you walked closer to the bed.  You sat down and then scooted back and leaned against the headboard.  Ben stared at you, eyes roaming all over your body.  His mouth was slightly parted, and he licked his lips.  

“Wow,” he whispered.  

“Come on, Benny,” you whined.  You were getting impatient.  Waiting four years for this was more than long enough.      

“Can I just…enjoy having you like that in my bed again?  It’s been far too long.”

“You better get in this bed or I’ll take care of it myself.”

“Well, if I can watch,” Ben shrugged with a smirk.  

“Oh no,” you giggled. You shifted slightly so that one bra strap slid down your arm.  Ben eyed you hungerly.  “If I’m doing this myself, why would you get to watch?”

Ben stalked towards you, taking his time because he knew he could.  He was nearly to the bed when the air shook with a cry.  

“DADDY!”  

Both of your eyes widened.

“Shit! Shit, hold on!” Ben stumbled back and grabbed his shirt.  

“Ben, you can’t go in there like that,” You nodded at his tented pants.  

“DAAAAAAAAADDY! MUUUUMMY!”

“Well one of us has to!” Ben sounded panicked, like he’d never heard Eliza cry like that.  

You got up from the bed. “I’ll go get her,” you responded as you pressed a kiss to his cheek.  “You…get yourself sorted out,” you grabbed his sweatshirt and slid it on (thankful that you hadn’t worn the thong you had considered).  You started walking towards Eliza’s room.  

You opened the door.  

“D…daddy?”  Eliza sniffled, looking at you and hugging her stuffed ladybug.  

“No, baby, it’s Mommy,” you whispered as you walked into her room.    

“Wh…where’s Daddy?”  

“He’s in his room. What happened?”

Eliza shook her head and inhaled deeply.  You sat on her bed and stroked her cheek a couple times, wiping away some tears. She leaned in but looked at you with fear in her eyes.  

“Oh sweetie, do you want to go see him?”  

Eliza nodded and reached for you.  You picked her up and walked into Ben’s bedroom.  He was sitting on the edge of the bed.  He seemed to be concentrating on something on the floor.  

“Daddy!” Relief broke onto Eliza’s face.  

He looked at the two of you and gave Eliza a smile for a moment until he saw her tears.  

“Oh Birdie, what happened?” He stood up and walked over to the two of you.  He wrapped an arm around both of you and placed a kiss to her head.  

“I…I had a b…bad deam,” Eliza whimpered.  

“What happened, Lovebug?”

“Daddy got hurted and d…den M…mummy…” the tears started falling at that point and Ben rubbed her back.

“Oh, sweetheart, look! Daddy’s okay!”  Ben did some funny little jig that made Eliza smile for a second.  “And Mummy’s okay.  Come here,” Ben took Eliza from you and cradled her to his chest.

As you watched the two of them, your heart lurched.

You could give her this every night.  The two of you coming to her and comforting her after a bad dream.  You’d heard that you fell in love with your spouse again when you saw them become a parent, and you’d thought it was nonsense.  Now you got it.  Seeing Ben hold your little girl made your heart fill in a way that you couldn’t describe.  

“I should let you two get some sleep,” you looked at Ben and he gave you a sad look.  He almost looked like he was going to protest, until Eliza grabbed your arm.  

“No! Mummy! Don’t go!” Eliza started crying again.  

“Okay, okay,” you tried to calm her down.  “Sh…Mommy’s right here.” You rubbed her back as she buried herself more into Ben.  

“Can we seep like nap time?”

You and Ben looked at each other.  

“Of course we can, Lovie,” Ben gave you a small smile.  “But I need to let Mummy take you so I can get ready for bed, alright?”  

Eliza hesitated, but nodded and reached for you.  You took her and held her close.  Ben pressed a kiss to Eliza’s hair and then one to your cheek.  You blinked at him, taken aback.  You watched him slip a t-shirt on and grabbed a pair of sweatpants. He quickly went into the bathroom but didn’t close the door all the way.  

You laid Eliza on the bed.

“Mummy! I left Lady in my room!” The tears came back to Eliza’s eyes.  

“Okay, okay,” you hushed her.  “I’ll go get her,” you started to rise when she grabbed you again to go get her ladybug.

“No!  Mummy!”

You were honestly surprised. You’d never seen Eliza freak out like this.  

“That must’ve been some dream you had, Lovebug,” you whispered.  “Okay, I’ll wait for Daddy to come back and then I’ll go get her, alright?”

Eliza nodded, but didn’t take her eyes off of you.  

Ben came out of the bathroom a bit later and you explained that you had to run to Eliza’s room for Lady. Ben nodded and you quickly ran to her room and grabbed Lady.

You came back and laid on the bed with Ben and Eliza.  She took Lady from you and snuggled with her.  Ben nodded you to come closer and the two of you sandwiched her between the two of you.  

“Better, Birdie?” Ben whispered and placed a kiss to her forehead.  

“Daddy?” Eliza sniffled. “Can you tell me dat pincess story?”

Ben looked embarrassed for a moment and then cleared his throat.  

“Of course, sweetheart. Are you ready?”  

You pulled the blankets around all of you and held her closer.  

“Ready,” Eliza looked up at Ben.  

“Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess.  The most beautiful and kind and loving and brilliant princess in any kingdom.”  

Ben’s voice was so deep and soothing.  It made you smile as you felt Eliza’s breathing and heartrate return to normal.

“But she wanted to travel to other kingdoms.  She loved her kingdom, but she wanted to explore and grow her mind, so she bid farewell to the king and queen and left for a much sunnier kingdom.  While she was there, she met a knight at a ball.”  

“Mummy, the knight is very handsome!”

You laughed.  “I’m sure he is, baby,” you winked at Ben. Ben grinned before continuing.  

“Yes, the knight was handsome, but he also wasn’t as smart or kind or loving as the princess, but he wanted to be with the princess forever.  They danced at the ball almost the whole night and at the end of it, the knight politely asked if he could send the princess a letter since he lived in another kingdom.”

Eliza smiled sleepily, her bad dream seeming to fade away.  

“And soon, they were sending letters, even as the princess went around the world.”  

This story sounded familiar to you.  

“The knight wanted to see the princess more and more, but he didn’t want the princess to stop doing what she loved, so one day, the knight surprised the princess!”

Eliza hummed her approval, but you could tell she was just barely hanging on to consciousness.  Ben must’ve noticed it too because his voice got quieter.  

“And the princess was so happy to see the knight that they kissed!  And after they kissed, the knight asked the princess to come with him to his kingdom.  And she did.”

“And they lived happily ever after,” Eliza muttered as her eyes slowly closed.  After a few moments, you noticed her breathing even out.  

Ben kissed her head.  

“Who decided the knight was handsome in that story?”  

Ben chuckled.  “Eliza did, actually.  I wanted to focus more on the princess.”

“The princess sounds a little too perfect,” you looked down as Eliza settled deeper into the bed.  

Ben shook his head. “Nah, just the perfect amount of perfect.”  

“Ben,” you tried to start, but you couldn’t think of what to say.  

“You know, I’ve never had that happen.”

You knitted your eyebrows together.  

“What do you mean?”

“Eliza interrupt something…like that.”

You rolled onto your side so that you could look at him fully.  

“You don’t bring a lot of women back here?”

Ben shrugged.  “I think the only person I’ve brought back here was…” Ben cleared his throat and looked away but didn’t continue.  

“Don’t do that,” you touched his arm.  “Come on, Ben.  We’ve been so honest with each other tonight.”  

Ben sighed and looked at you.  “The only time I brought a girl back here was…the first time you left with Eliza to go back to America,” Ben then looked away again.  “I…I went out with some mates and she just…it just happened.. We…didn’t really talk, me and her. It was just…drunken nothingness. She was gone by the time I woke up the next morning.  And I realized I hated that.  I hated that feeling of not remembering what happened or even what her name was.”  

“So, you haven’t been with anybody or smoked a cigarette in three years?  My God, man.  How have you survived?” You joked.  

“I didn’t say I hadn’t been with anybody.  I said that I hadn’t brought anybody back here,” Ben half smiled at you.  He was joking back, but it still stung a little bit. “I would choose this every time,” Ben leaned down and kissed the top of Eliza’s head.  

“Me too,” you whispered back.  “It won’t be easy.”

“No, it won’t be,” Ben agreed.  

“And the press will lose their minds when they find out.”

“Yup.”

You looked down at Eliza. With her eyes closed, she looked so peaceful.  She had no idea about all the confusion swirling in your mind.  But giving her the best life you could was an easy decision. And being with Ben was something you’d wanted since…well, basically since the two of you had met.  Here you could have both.  So why were you holding back?  Why was there so much confusion?  

“But I want this,” you met Ben’s eyes.  “I want this so bad it hurts.”  You felt tears come to your eyes.  “I want us to get Eliza from bad dreams.  I want her to wake up to both of us, I want us to have nights like this where we go out and come home to her and then we fall asleep in a drunken haze.  And Eliza comes running into the bedroom to wake us up in the morning.”  

Ben swallowed and reached over to wipe the tears from your cheeks.  

“Then let’s work on it.”

You woke up and felt the bed was still warm, but you were the only one in it.  You sat up and saw that Ben’s side of the bed (God, how long had it been since you’d been able to say that?) was turned up.  You got up and went into your room.  You threw on a pair of yoga pants and took your makeup off from the night before.  As you walked to the top of the stairs, you could hear Ben and Eliza downstairs.  

“…up Mummy?”

“I think Mummy is going to have a late night so we should let her sleep.”  

“But Daddy!”

“Eliza, let Mummy sleep.”

You could hear the semi-stern tone in Ben’s voice and it made you smile.  He always made it seem like you would have to be the disciplinarian, but he seemed to be doing a good job on his own.  

“Otay,” Eliza sighed. “Can Lady have some eggs?”

“Of course, Birdie.”

You walked down the stairs and into the kitchen.  You were as quiet as you could so you could enjoy Ben and Eliza in the kitchen. Eliza was sitting at the island and Lady was next to her in a chair.  Ben was facing the stove, making eggs.  

“Daddy?” Eliza asked thoughtfully.  

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Is Mummy going back to New York after her movie with Mr. Jack?”  

“’Fraid so, but then we’ll still FaceTime and call her and we’ll text her and send her pictures.”  

That broke your heart. Not just the way Eliza slumped after Ben had told her that, but the false brightness of Ben’s voice.  It was for Eliza’s benefit.  

“Daddy?” Eliza asked in the same tone.  

“Eliza?”

You heard that same hesitation from her that you had heard yesterday while Ben had been setting up the movie. Like she wanted to ask a question but was nervous.  You took that as your cue.  

“Good morning, Lovebug,” you walked over and placed a kiss to the top of her head.  

“Hi Mummy!” She beamed at you.  

“What’s Daddy making?”

Ben turned to look at you and he caught his breath for a moment.  

“Daddy is making eggs,” Ben smiled at you.  

“Yummy,” you smiled back and then looked back at Eliza.  “Are you feeling better?”

Eliza nodded.  “My deam went away.”  

“Well good.  Daddy and I were very worried about you.”  

Ben set a plate in front of Eliza with eggs and toast and then leaned against the counter. “Mummy’s right.  We were worried.”  

“I’m all better now,” Eliza replied and then took a bite of her toast.  

“Want some eggs, love?” Ben had looked at you.  

It took you a moment to realize he meant you.  It also reminded you of what the two of you had talked about last night.  You needed to have a much deeper conversation, but nothing could be discussed right now.  Not with Eliza there.

“Yes, please,” you gave Ben a soft smile before he turned away from you.  You watched him as he made you a plate and then brought it over to you.  

“You look beautiful this morning,” Ben whispered in your ear with a small tug to the hem of your….well, his sweatshirt.    

You felt butterflies in your stomach.  How did he still do that to you?  

You pressed a kiss to his cheek.  “Thank you.”

Ben looked at you with a look you couldn’t place and opened his mouth.  However, it wasn’t his voice that came out.

“Daddy, can we go to the park today?”  

Ben looked over at Eliza. “Course we can,” Ben then looked at you and leaned closer to Eliza.  “Do you think we should ask Mummy to come?” He stage-whispered to her.  

Eliza’s eyes grew huge and then she looked at you.  You pretended not to notice and ate some eggs, looking up at the ceiling.  

“Yes!” Eliza whispered back at a slightly louder volume.  

“You’d better ask her then.”

“Mummy?”

You looked at Eliza and tilted your head.  

“Yes, Lovebug?”

“Will you come to the park wif me and Daddy?”  

“Hm…I think I can do that.”

“Yay! Can we go now?”

“No, you’ve got to finish your breakfast.”

“But, Daaaaaaddy,” Eliza whined.  

“No ‘but’s, come on. Once you eat and change we’ll go to the park.  Promise.”

Eliza held out her tiny pinky finger, fixing Ben with a hard stare, and Ben linked his with hers. Eliza’s face broke out into a huge grin.

“Now that doesn’t mean you can just eat your breakfast really fast.  Take your time.  We’ve got all day.”  

Eliza nodded and took a bite of her eggs and then held some out to Ben.  Ben took the eggs with an exaggerated bite and Eliza shrieked with laughter.  

The rest of the morning was spent eating and listening to Eliza tell you what she wanted to do at the park.  Once she was done, she ran upstairs to get dressed.  Once she was out of site, Ben wrapped his arms around your waist.  

“I think I missed out on both a goodnight kiss and a morning kiss.”  

You couldn’t help the laugh that came to your lips.  

“Hm, I think you got a little bit better than a goodnight kiss.  Can’t remember the last time I went that far on first date.”  

Ben pulled you closer, almost flush against him.  “True, but it didn’t end like either of us wanted it to.  And I still didn’t get a good morning kiss.”  

You wrapped your arms around Ben’s neck.  “Well, I guess I can fix that.” You leaned forward and kissed him.  You could never get tired of that.  And you had missed it.  

Ben’s hands moved from your hips to cup your ass through the yoga pants.  

You pulled away and swatted at his chest with a laugh.  

“Benjamin Jones, you knock that off.”  

“What if I don’t want to?” He asked with a playful squeeze, making you giggle again.  

“Ben, come on, we owe Eliza a day at the park and we need to get ready.”  

Ben loosened his hold on you, but still kept you close.  “What time do we need to be back so you can get ready?”

Your eyebrows knitted together, slightly confused.  Ready for what?  Was he taking you on another date?

“Your premiere?”  

Shit. How could you have forgotten about that?

“Oh! I…actually don’t know. I should probably check my phone.”

Ben nodded towards the counter deeper into the kitchen.  “It was still on the island.  It looked dead so I plugged it in.”  

You kissed Ben’s cheek. “Thank you.  Why don’t you go get ready and help Eliza and then we can go.”

Ben pressed a kiss to your temple before walking up the stairs.  You walked over to the counter where your phone rested.  You grabbed it and just saw a battery, the sign that it had indeed been dead.  You turned the phone on and watched as it blew up.  Text messages, emails, Twitter and Instagram notifications, 5 voicemails.

What the hell?  You hadn’t looked at your phone in what? 8 hours?

You decided voicemails would be best to listen to first.  

The first was from your mother and father, wishing you luck tonight.  Okay, that was normal.  The next was from your agent (Katy-Donna had retired a couple years ago, but Katy was an amazing replacement) , also wishing you luck.  Fine.  The next was also from your agent, but there was some urgency in her voice this time.

“Y/N, you should call me as soon as you can.  We need to talk.”  That was it.

The fourth one was from some reporter.  She had a British accent, so she must’ve been local to London.  

“Hello, this message is for Y/N Y/L/N, I’m Wendy Monroe with the Daily Mirror.  I was hoping I could get a comment on your new romance with Ben Hardy?”  

Your blood ran cold. Romance? Who had said anything like that?  You sat down on the couch arm as your knees went out from under you.  

You didn’t even need to read the texts, emails, or social media notifications.  That’s what all of them were probably about.  Somebody, or somebodies, had gotten pictures.  You could deny it.  You could just say it was the two of you trying to get along for your daughter, but clearly Eliza wasn’t there.  They knew.  

You listened to the last voicemail, another reporter.  Which meant you would have to change your number.  Again.  Great.

You started going through the emails and saw the pictures that had been taken.  

You staring at Ben over the table, both wearing soft smiles.  Another of you cuddling in the back of the cab.  One of Ben kissing your hand.  All of them were going to be hard to explain to the press.  Well, there went the idea to deny everything.  Or not.  You could pass that off, right? Fuck, you should call your agent.  

You didn’t even think about the time difference before you called Katy.  You waited for a couple rings before she answered.  

“Hello?” Katy’s voice was thick with sleep.

“H…hey Katy, it’s…”

“Y/N!” Almost all the sleep faded quickly.  “Just what the FUCK do you think you’re doing over there?”  

“I…I don’t…”

“Are you getting back together with Ben?! You two went on a date last night! Or tonight? However the fuck the time difference works!”  

“Katy, I’m sorry! It just…happened.  He asked me to dinner and I…I couldn’t say no.  I wanted to go.”

Katy sighed.  If it wasn’t three in the morning, she probably would’ve made herself a drink of some kind.  “I’m just…I’ve got people breathing down my neck asking me and I don’t know what to tell them.”

“Tell them that Ben and I are trying to be cordial for our daughter.”

“Let me play Devil’s Advocate?”

You rubbed the bridge of your nose.  “Okay.” This was your least favorite game.  

“You two seemed aloooooooot more than cordial in those pictures.”  

“Well, when you’ve had a…complicated relationship like Ben and I have had, it’s easy to fall into old habits.”  

“Old habits like sleeping together?”

“That’s none of your business.  Ben and I would appreciate privacy as we continue to raise our daughter and work on our relationship.”  

“Lose the ‘none of your business’ part.  Now, I’m asking as a friend.”

You sighed.  Katy and you were close.  She was fierce as an agent and fierce in her friendships.  

“We were…close.  And then Eliza woke up.”

“Girl!” Katy squealed. “So, are you two getting back together?”

For some reason, even though you knew Katy was on the most recent iPhone, you pictured her twirling a phone cord around her finger.  

“I…we…we’re going to work on it.  I want to. He wants to.  We want to, but it’s going to take work.”

“Of course, of course,” Katy replied and you heard somebody’s voice in the background. “It’s Y/N.  She’s in London…Yes, I’ll be back in a sec…”

“Sorry, is that Lucas?”

“Yeah, the one time I wake the guy up it’s when you’ve got a great story.”

“Oh stop it.  You should get back to sleep.  I’m sorry.”  

“Don’t worry about it. I hope you two work it out,” Katy’s voice was so hopeful that you believed her.  

“Thanks.  What do I do until then?”

“Until when?”

“We figure it out. What do I tell people?  What do I do if we don’t work out?  I can’t….” you hated yourself for getting teary-eyed. “What if we just hurt each other again?”

“Mummy?”  You looked up at Eliza in Ben’s arms.  You hadn’t heard them come down.  “Are you otay?”

You gave her a smile.

“Yes, Lovebug.  I’m talking to Miss Katy.  Do you want to talk to her?”  

Eliza nodded and Ben sat her next to you.  You avoided his eyes.  You gave her the phone and put it on speaker.  

“Hi, Miss Katy!”  

“Well, hello gorgeous! How are you? Having fun?”

“Yes! We’re going to da park!”

“Oh how fun! Well we miss you in New York.  You’ll be back soon, right?”

“Um…” Eliza looked between you and Ben.  “I tink so?”

“You’ve got a few more months in England with Daddy, baby, but you’ll be back soon,” you replied, stroking her hair.

Eliza started telling Katy different things that she’d done since she’d been in England.  Ben was trying to catch your eye, but you avoided them.

“Alright, sweetie, I think we should let Miss Katy get back to sleep.”

Eliza gave you a puzzling look.  “But, Mummy, it’s wake up time.”  

“Not where Miss Katy is. Remember how when Mummy calls you when you’re here with Daddy and it’s nighttime here but not for Mummy?” Ben asked, trying to help her understand.  

Eliza hesitated, but nodded.

“Well, it works the other way too.”

“Oh,” Eliza said quietly. You were pretty sure she still didn’t one hundred percent understand.  “Then goodnight, Miss Katy!”  

“Night, Eliza.  We’ll see you soon.”

You grabbed the phone and put it up to your ear, taking it off speaker.  Eliza asked for Ben’s help to get her shoes on and the two of them went to get her shoes.    

“I gotta go.”

“Alright.  How’s Ben looking these days, by the way?  I mean, I saw the pictures, but I have a feeling…”

“We’re not going down that road.  I’ll call you later.”

“Fine but try to avoid going out.  I don’t know if you should go with Eliza and Ben to the park.”  

Your ears started ringing. “What?  Why wouldn’t I go?”

“Because the press is already probably outside the house, and if they see you and Ben with Eliza at the park, they’ll think…”

“They’ll think we’re being good parents.  What do other parents do on nice days like this?  They take their kids to the park.”

“Y/N,” Katy said the way she did when trying to make you see reason.  “I just think that it would be better if the two of you…”

“Mummy! We’re ready!”

“Be right there, Lovebug! Katy, I gotta go.  We’re taking Eliza to the park.”  There was no room for discussion in your voice.  

Katy must’ve heard it too because she sighed.  “Fine, but the press is going to be all over you and make wild assumptions.”  

You stood up and saw Ben working with Eliza on tying her shoes.  Your heart swelled.  

“Let them.  Bye, Katy.”  

You hung up.  

“Mummy! I did it!” Eliza held up her shoe to you.  

“That’s amazing, sweetie. Mommy has to run upstairs and change. I’ll be right back.  Can you get your bag with your toys ready?”

“Birdie, why don’t you work on that and I’ll help Mummy get ready.”

You raised an eyebrow at Ben but started going up the stairs with Ben behind you.  You walked into the guestroom and Ben shut the door.  He sighed and then turned to you.  

“Y/N, I don’t want…I think…I…if you don’t want to try this…”

“What are you talking about?” You asked as you started pulling some things out of your suitcase, looking for your sports bra.  

“I heard you talking to Katy.  It sounded like…I don’t know, that you just…weren’t into trying this again?” Ben’s voice was low, and he wasn’t looking at you.  

“Ben,” you stepped over to him and made him look at you.  “I told you, I want to try this.  I know it’s going to be difficult, and I know that some people are going to…say things.  But I really want to try this.”

He gave you a small smile. “Yeah?”

You pressed a gentle and chaste kiss to his lips.  “Yeah, now, go finish getting Eliza ready so I can change.”

“I can’t stay here for that?” Ben waggled his eyebrows at you.  

You bit your lip to keep from smiling at him.  “No, you can’t.  You have to go make sure our daughter hasn’t decided to bring her whole zoo of stuffed animals.”

“She’s smarter than that.”

“Well only if she takes after me,” you joked.  

Ben bumped your shoulder but pulled you into another kiss.  He then pulled away and rested his forehead to yours.  

“I’ll see you downstairs?”

“Deal.”

Ben pressed one more quick kiss to your lips and then left, closing the door behind him.  

You sat on the bed and stared at the floor, your mind reeling.  There were a thousand different thoughts that you were having, bouncing from what you would tell Ben to what people were going to ask you on… FUCK! The premiere tonight! People were going to give you the third degree about that. You thought about calling Katy again, but then decided that she needed her rest.

You scrubbed your hand down your face and then got dressed quickly.  You knew Eliza was probably already bouncing, ready to go.  You walked out of the room, throwing your hair into a messy bun as you came down the stairs.  

“Mummy! Can we go now?”

“Eliza,” Ben began.  

“Sorry, peas can we go now?”

“Good girl.”  

“Yes, are we taking the stroller?”  

“You mean the buggy,” Ben replied before opening the hall closet.  

Eliza giggled at the look you shot Ben behind his back.  

“Do you want to ride in the stroller, sweetheart?”  You asked her.  

“No, I wanna walk like a big girl!”  

“Alright, then we won’t take it.  Did you grab some toys to bring?”  

Eliza nodded and held up her backpack.  

“Alright, let’s go then, loves,” Ben stated before the three of you made your way out the door.  

There was nobody with cameras outside and you let out a breath you didn’t know you had been holding. Eliza held out her hand to you and you took it.  Eliza then took Ben’s hand and the three of you started walking to the park, Eliza telling you both how excited she was to go on the slides and swings.  

The three of you walked to the park.  Ben had chosen his house because of how close it was to a park.  He was so excited when he showed it to you, shortly before you gave birth to Eliza.  That was when you had decided to go back to the United States.  You were practically on the verge of tears as Ben showed you around the house and you thought about how that was supposed to be your home. It had nearly everything that the two of you had talked about getting in a house (“Lots of bedrooms we can fill with kids,” Ben had whispered one night), so it broke your heart to think that Ben and your daughter would share and build memories there.  Ben could (would, you had once thought) find Eliza a stepmother that loved her.  Showed how a proper English woman acted.  You had imagined some faceless woman tucking Eliza in.  Taking her down to the park that you were walking towards now.  

“Mummy! Will you push me on da swings?”

You looked down at Eliza. She was grinning up at you.  Her big expressive eyes opened wide with excitement.  

“Of course I will, Lovebug! Let’s go! Last one there is a rotten egg!”

Eliza gasped, dropped both your and Ben’s hands, and took off running.  

Ben shook his head and chuckled, following her with his gaze.  

“What are you laughing at, Rotten Egg?” You teased and then ran after her.  

“Hey!” Ben called after you.

Eliza was sitting on a swing and you had almost made it to her when you felt a pair of arms wrap around your waist.  

“Oh no you don’t,” Ben grunted as he picked you up.  

“Ben!” You giggled breathlessly.  “Put me down!”

“No!  I can’t let you win!”  

You looked over at Eliza and saw her laughing too.  “Liza! Help me!”  

“Mummy!” Eliza vaulted herself off the swing and towards the two of you.  She jumped on Ben’s leg.  

“Oh no!”  Ben shouted with an overexaggerated tone of defeat. He set you on your feet and then slowly fell to the ground, making sure that Eliza was safe.  She was laughing loudly, and of the few other people at the park looked at the three of you for a moment.  

“Daddy! It doesn’t count if you cheat!”  

“Oh, you’re right, Birdie!”

Eliza gave him a stern nod. “’Cause cheating is bad!”

“You are very smart, love,” Ben kissed her forehead.  “I guess I’m the rotten egg, huh?”

That made Eliza laugh and nod again.  

You couldn’t help but laugh with her.  

“Mummy!” Eliza looked up at you.  

“Yes, Sweetheart?”

“Will you peas push me on da swings?”  

You held out your hands to her and she took your hands.  You pulled her up into your arms.  

“Of course, Lovebug,” you carried her over to the swing and set her down.  

The three of you had a great time.  At one point, you were playing hide and seek (Eliza always gave away the hiding spot by giggling), you saw a small group of people in the distance.  Some had phones and some had actual cameras.  

“Shit,” you muttered under your breath.  Thankfully, Ben and Eliza were hiding so she didn’t hear you.  You knew they were hiding in the slides and instead of the calling out and looking other places, you went straight to the slides.  You poked your head inside and were face to face with your daughter.  

Eliza squealed.

“Mummy! You found us!”

“I did!” You responded, giving Ben a look as you helped Eliza out of the slide, resting her on your hip.  “Lovebug, I think it’s almost nap time,” you didn’t break your eye contact with Ben.  

“But, Mummy!”  Eliza started to whine.  

Ben cocked an eyebrow at you and you subtly nodded your head towards the group, which seemed to have grown since you had last looked.  

“Oh fuck,” Ben breathed out.

Eliza gasped.  

“Daddy! You can’t say words like dat!”  

“I’m sorry, y…you’re right, baby.  But so is Mummy.  I think we should get home,” Ben frowned at the group pointing their phones and cameras at the three of you.  He then glanced around, trying to find the best way to get home.  

Eliza began to protest again, but both you and Ben fixed her with a glance.  She buried her head into the crook of your neck.  

“Otay,” she pouted.  

“I can carry her home,” Ben offered.  

“Nah, I got her,” you gave him a smile as a thanks.  “We really should get going though.  I think it’s getting bigger.”  

Ben nodded and then took your hand.  That made your heart beat even harder.  You started to pull your hand away and Ben reluctantly let go.  

“Ben, please, not…just not now, okay?”  

You saw Ben’s jaw tighten, but he nodded once.  

“Let’s get going,” your voice was quiet, but you were trying to communicate with Ben that you weren’t doing this because you wanted to make him mad.  You just didn’t need people attacking you while you were holding Eliza because you were holding hands with him.  

The two of you tried to avoid the group, but people were yelling at you.  

“Mummy, Daddy, those people are yelling at you,” Eliza said, looking over at them.  “Are dey your fwends?”  

“No, love,” was all Ben responded, giving them a short wave before blocking you and Eliza from them.

It wasn’t that you and Ben didn’t love your fans, but when Eliza was around, the two of you were much more protective.  You never knew what kind of people were in a group like that and neither of you would forgive yourselves if she got hurt.  

The three of you quickly got out of the park and away from group.  

“Mummy, how come you didn’t wanna talk to dem?”

“Because we’re with you, baby.  We might see them later.”  

“Oh, but,” Eliza started.

“Eliza sweetheart, please,” there was a tone in Ben’s voice you’d never heard before.  It made Eliza close her mouth.  

You exchanged a glance with him.  He just shrugged one shoulder.  

“Sure you’re alright with her?”  Ben asked when you were half way to the house.  His tone was still slightly stoic.  

“I don’t know, she’s getting so big now,” you started holding Eliza lower on your hips, hoping it would make her smile.  She did for a second.  “Tell you what, Lovebug.  How about after your nap today, you help Mommy get ready for her movie tonight?”  That got a big grin and a nod.  

Perfect.  At least one of them was appeased.  For now.  

[mithranqueersmusings]

Before This Dance Is Through V

Chapter: 5/16

Rating: M (Smut Warning)

Summary: Ringo's being going through a dry spell for the last year or so and when he regretfully tells his best friend John, he insists on taking them to an all-male strip club for some "fun". Ringo isn't sure whether it's the alcohol, his desperation or a mixture of the two but he thinks he might be falling in love with a stripper.

Tags: AU - Strippers, Modern Setting, Smut, Slow Burn

Pairings: George Harrison/Ringo Starr, John Lennon/Paul McCartney

AO3 link here / Fic masterlist here

Despite what John had suggested, Ringo didn't go back to The Helter Skelter the following week; he'd considered it when John sent him yet another late night text but ultimately decided it wasn't the best idea. Spike had been playing on his mind daily and Ringo wasn't sure he was prepared to face him again. Instead he focused on his drumming and searched for a few more students to teach, which were fairly easy to find. Usually Ringo enjoyed his time off, he understood he was lucky that he didn't have to work a 9-5 job just to get by, but recently he wanted his fill his time up as much as possible, to distract himself.

One of his new students seemed incredibly interested in him, they'd spent an hour just chatting in his living room before they'd even moved over to the drum kit. Ringo wasn't too fussed, he was getting paid by the hour so wasting time was beneficial to him but he didn't want to give the guy the wrong impression. He was a little bit older and attractive enough but Ringo simply wasn't interested.

"Why didn't you just go for it?" John had asked him when they next met up.

"I dunno..." Ringo mumbled, but a part of him knew very well.

He'd given the guy another lesson since then and it became clear that the guy's interest in him wasn't going away any time soon. Ringo felt bad about the whole thing, wasn't he just doing exactly what Spike was doing to him? He tried to act as professional as possible the second time around in attempt to get the guy to back off, considering he hadn't heard from him since he was hoping it had worked. What was wrong with him? Was he really going to make himself suffer like this all because of one guy? And not just any guy, a stripper who had shown absolutely no interest in him at all. It was ridiculous, he kept telling himself, but no matter how much he tried to convince himself that he had to get over Spike, he would still think about him every day without fail. Trying to distract himself with clients had been working somewhat, but it had been difficult, especially when his best friend was John Lennon.

       youre gonna love me

The text came through when Ringo was sat in a café getting some lunch. He'd finished with one of his younger students, a sweet girl who's parents had tried to convince her to try a more 'ladylike' instrument but she had promised only to give up the drums if she was awful; much to her delight, and Ringo's for being able to prove the stereotypical parents wrong, she was pretty good. Seeing her always put Ringo in a good mood, the parents mostly stayed away partly due to the noise but mostly due to disappointment, which meant they could joke around together. Ringo could tell she admired him and he welcomed it gladly, one of the best things about teaching was inspiring others, at least for him it was.

        do i not already?

        well yes         but youre gonna love me EVEN more

        what have you done

        well i happened to stop by the club last night

        oh god what did you do

        wow is that how little you trust me

        can you blame me

        suppose not         ANYWAY i got talking to paulie

        surprise surprise

      �� do you want the good news or not???

        fine fine sorry

        AS I WAS SAYING i was talking to paulie         and he told me that your special little someone has an onlyfans account

        first of all fuck you for calling him that         second of all wtf is onlyfans

        oh sorry i didnt realise you werent living in the 21st century

        ......         care to grace me with your knowledge?

        basically its a website where you can post exclusive stuff for ONLY FANS to see         its not a porn site or anything but its basically where people sell their nudes         MEANING spike has an account so you can totally see loads of raunchy filthy perverted pics of him

        but i have to pay?

        well weve all gotta make a living

        i can basically see him naked for free

        but this way you wont get all freaked out and embarrassed         well you will but nobody will know at least         so do you want the link or not???

Ringo paused for a few moments, he was gripping his phone tightly in both of his hands as he unblinkingly looked at John's words. If his mind was going to decide to make him suffer by enabling his intense interest in Spike, he may as well get something out of it.

        fine

        where are your manners richard??

        can i please have the link to the strippers nude photos please john please

        alright calm down         let me know if its worth while i might have a look

        idk if im even gonna look at it         paying for porn is a little dated

        treat yourself ringo         id offer to pay but im broke

        if youre broke why were you at the strip club last night?

        well SOMEONE had to go

        they really didnt

        im supporting my local economy

        i dont think thats how that works

        sure it is         anyway here you go

Ringo stared at the link for a while, his eyes even began to blur, he didn't want to risk opening it in public even though he knew there was little chance of anyone seeing. He finished his lunch in a hurry and headed home quickly, only when he was in the privacy of his bedroom did he dare open it. First he had to make an account, when he saw the screen loading up asking for an email address and password he just turned his screen off and put the phone down. This was far too much effort for something he shouldn't really have been doing in the first place. But it only took a few minutes for him to pick the phone back up and begin signing up, he used an old email as it felt less seedy that way and he didn't want to risk his name cropping up anywhere for Spike to see. Now he could load up the link properly and take a proper look at Spike's profile.

Just looking at the small profile picture was enough to startle Ringo a little, the dark eyes looking into the camera with that unreadable glimmer behind them. He was shirtless in the picture, Ringo wondered why that didn't catch his attention first, with the frame cutting off just before it showed anything too explicit. The header was a photo taken from the club, showing him in tight, leather pants and tassels on his nipples which matched the whip he held in his hand. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. He'd spent so much time and effort trying not to think about this man, attempting to keep him out of his mind as much as possible. Ringo knew that if he went through with this all that progress would be lost, he'd be giving in to whatever strange obsession he'd developed for Spike, one that no doubt wasn't going to lead to anything good.

Ringo kept staring at the screen as though it was going to tell him what he should do. Spike's profile had no description, which wasn't very surprising, and it dashed any hope Ringo had of discovering something new about him. Right before he was about to put his phone down again, it vibrated.

        howd the wank go??

        john i dont care how long weve been friends asking how my wank was will always be weird

        youre right sorry         so how did it go???

        if you must know         i havent had a wank         i havent even paid for entry

        now whos the one being inappropriate??

        ha ha

        why havent you???

        feels weird

        oh i see         youll consume a bunch of unethical porn for free but god forbid you actually give sex workers any actual money

        you are the last person who can lecture me about unethical porn

        hey now watch yourself         ringo if you dont get a subscription I WILL

        go ahead

        and ill tell you every day what sexy sexy pictures hes posting         ill tell you EVERY SINGLE TIME i have a wank over them

        every time? i dont think youve got enough data for that

        im not joking

        neither am i         you wank A LOT

        ringooooo just buy it i swear to god         if its not worth it or you regret it or whatever ill give you the money back

        on top of the money you already owe me?

        have you always been such a capitalist

        youre not doing a very good job of convincing me

        fine         spikes cock         now are you convinced???

        maybe

        naked pictures of spike whenever and wherever you want them all for the low low price of 10 quid a month         convinced??

        fine fine         if itll shut you up

        im starting to think thats code for 'i really wanna do this but im too embarrassed to admit it'

        i hate you

        now that DEFINITELY code for 'john youre right'         anyway theres no time to be telling me how right i am all the time youve got dick pics to look at         even i wont stand in the way of a good wank         so dont bother replying to me until youve paid for that subscription young man

        im older than you

        DONT BOTHER REPLYING

Ringo let out a sigh and rested his head against the bedroom wall from where he was laying on the bed. He opened up the link again and his thumb hovered over the subscription button, why couldn't he just do it? The money wasn't an issue, it could've cost half as much or be double the price and he'd still be debating it all the same. Somehow it felt like an invasion of privacy, after all Spike hadn't told Ringo about it himself, but then again that didn't necessarily mean he didn't want Ringo to see it. After all it was like John said: everyone has to make a living somehow. Sometimes Ringo wished he could turn off that part of his brain that was so empathetic, so concerned about how everyone felt and what they were thinking. He knew that he wanted this, so why wasn't he allowing himself to have it? Ringo could see that he was being ridiculous, as he was with almost anything involving Spike, and after lying there for a while pondering and debating he decided to flip a coin. Heads would mean he got the subscription, tails that he didn't. He watched the coin spinning through the air after he flicked it upwards, then snatched it and slammed it down onto his forearm before slowly moving his hand away: it was tails. What a relief. Ringo chuckled to himself for being so foolish, settling down into his bed; it was still only around midday but he didn't have anywhere he needed to be.

So why didn't he feel relieved in the slightest?

This whole thing was getting tiring, the constant debate between what he believed he should do and what he wanted to do, and it seemed like it wasn't going to be ending anytime soon. Apparently he was in this for the long run, whatever that meant, but if he was going to turn down relatively attractive guys practically throwing themselves at him, he may as well go all the way. While he was putting in his credit card information, he stopped to think around three of four times, but once he'd finished and the images became accessible to him, his brain was barely able to conjure up a coherent sentence.

"Jesus..." Ringo breathed out as his eyes flicked across the plethora of pictures loading up on his screen.

There was a lot of them, and a lot of Spike was on display. Most of them were pictures taken at the club, either from a professional photographer in the audience or photos he'd taken himself in the mirrors backstage - Ringo could even see glimpses of Paul in the background of some of them. The ones that caught Ringo's eyes the most were those that seemed to be taken in his house, these also happened to be the ones in which Spike tended to be fully naked. It was very different experience to see him like this: a static image that he'd intentionally taken of himself and posted for so many people to see, an image that couldn't look back at Ringo and make him feel that strange mixture of excitement and shame. He began scrolling down the feed which only revealed more and more enticing photos. Ringo began to feel himself hardening, he suspected it had been happening for a while now but he'd been far too distracted to notice. He felt like a teenager discovering porn for the first time, it was difficult to remind himself that this wasn't anything new. Seeing Spike naked shouldn't have excited him so much, and yet it did.

One picture in particular drew Ringo's attention: Spike was stood in front of a bathroom mirror with a loose black tie lying against his bare chest, one hand was holding a phone and the other gripping his cock. He had dark eye make up on and his hair was messy. Ringo wasn't sure exactly what it was about this photo that was so enticing but he couldn't take his eyes off it. The prominence of his collarbones, the faint curls of his dark hair, how his slim fingers wrapped around himself. Slowly Ringo slid his own hand under the waistband of his boxers as he stared at the picture. At first he hesitated, his fingers stopped right above the base. It's not like this would've been the first time he'd touched himself while thinking about Spike, it would've been far from the last he imagined, but this was different. It was more concrete, more of an admission. Nothing felt quite as real when it's only being imagined, the haziness of lust fuzzing up the mind as it so often did, but now with a very real photo of Spike in front of him - which he'd paid to see - the feeling was far more tangible, far harder to ignore.

He'd come this far, he told himself as his hand sunk lower until his fingers were running along the length of his semi-hard cock, he may as well go all the way. To begin with Ringo stayed looking at this single picture as he slowly pumped himself, but as his lust began to grow he perused through more and more pictures: Spike kneeling naked in front of a mirror with a loose cigarette hanging from his lips, lying in the bath with bubbles only just about covering his nakedness, spread out on the bed with a gag in his mouth, handcuffs forcing his slim arms behind his back with his cock throbbing. None of this was anything Ringo hadn't seen before, like most people in this day and age he'd searched through the darker corners of the internet - sometimes willingly, sometimes John was to blame - but to see Spike in such a way was like an entirely new rush. Each picture drove Ringo further and further on, at times he almost dropped his phone with how sloppy his movements were becoming. Who took these photos? Ringo figured it was best not to think about it, the possibility that Spike had a boyfriend who took all these pictures of him would've been the quickest way to kill his erection.

Ringo began moaning and cursing wantonly as he got closer and closer to his orgasm, he had to stop flicking through the pictures because he could hardly concentrate on what his other hand was doing, so he settled on a final one to help him finish; it wasn't particularly strategic but he was definitely grateful that he selected the one that he did. In it Spike was looking directly into the camera, allowing Ringo to gaze longingly into the rich brown of his eyes and how his dark lashes curled beautifully around them. He was shirtless with nothing but a necklace on, the same necklace that Ringo had seen him wearing in the record store and Ringo couldn't help feeling a sense of satisfaction that he'd seen it with his own eyes, as though it meant something. Deep down he knew that it didn't but his inebriated mind was latching onto it. The nudity in the photo was hardly interesting Ringo by this point, although it would be wrong to say that he completely ignored the flatness of his stomach or the faint shadows of his ribs beneath his pale skin, it was the personal aspect which truly affected him.

This wasn't just lust. Lust Ringo could understand, he could compartmentalise it and give into it without much shame or a second thought. If this was just lust, he would've bought the subscription without a care and touched himself looking at the nakedness of Spike's body as though it meant nothing more than a way to get off. Yet here he was on the brink of orgasm looking into another man's eyes, eyes that felt like they were looking straight back at him as though they were sharing this moment together. It wasn't hard to imagine Spike's hand in place of his own, those deep eyes watching Ringo come undone piece by piece. Ringo's hip began to stutter, his leg twitching a little as he had to drop the phone down onto his lap as his head fell back against his pillow as his orgasm approached. It wasn't the image of Spike's naked body that filled Ringo's mind as he came, it wasn't his arse or his cock or even his chest, it was his face, his voice, it was him.

Ringo lay breathless on his bed for a while, the clarity that arrived as his orgasm subsided wasn't welcome in the slightest and he was reluctant to pick his phone back up to see Spike's eyes looking at him once again. There was no use in feeling ashamed about it, no point in trying to deny it any longer: his feelings for Spike were more than a mere passing fancy, that was clear. Exactly what he was meant to do about these feelings was far from clear but that wasn't something Ringo could figure out right now with cum on his stomach and the daylight seeping through his bedroom curtains.

When he'd picked up his phone he'd closed all the apps immediately, doing his best not to catch a glimpse of what he'd been so eagerly looking at before. Just as he was about to step into the shower to clean himself off, his phone buzzed; he almost couldn't hear it over the music he was blasting out. It alerted him for a moment as though it was going to be a message from Spike stating he knew exactly what Ringo had just done - it wouldn't have really surprised him had that been the case, Spike's face almost always looked like he knew something that nobody else did - but fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, it was John.

        sooo how did the wank go

         who knows          but on a totally unrelated note im about to get into the shower

         well before you do that i have even more good news 

         can it not wait?

         NO because you might cum just at the thought of it and then youd be wasting a good shower

         well arent you considerate          and unnecessarily graphic

         thats me          anyway im taking you to the club next tuesday whether you like it or not

         im still waiting for the good news

         well if youd let me FINISH          next week theyre doing a special event and we just have to go          youll never guess what it is

         what is it?

         guess

         you just said ill never guess

         youre no fun

         WHAT IS IT

         alright alright keep your hair on          its a crossdressing event          high heels make up probably a few wigs all that good stuff

         im still waiting for the good news

         OH COME ON youre telling me you dont want to see spike in heels and fishnets with some lovely lipstick on

Ringo gulped. It wasn't a difficult image to conjure up his mind, considering he'd been staring at photos of Spike for the past twenty minutes and it excited him to say the least. He did want to see that, very much indeed.

[marshmallowprotection]

Im sorry, angel demon au??? And high school hijinks??????

Who doesn’t love a good Angel/Demon AU? There’s a lot of weight to that symbolism and it’s always fun to give those types of stories a read through because I am a sucker for niche cliche tropes, I love good/evil, light/dark, etc. 

It’s hard to try and survive when you’re the son of the Devil and he doesn’t consider you and your brother to be worth anything. It’s even harder when the man wants to be rid of you before you can try and usurp the throne from him. at any moment. 

All both Saeran and Saeyoung can do is try and find spaces on Earth where they can live and hide from that man’s wrath. There’s always a lingering concern that he’s going to come and get rid of both of them at any moment. For the most part, they are able to survive thanks to the kindness of other demons. A couple of centuries would pass by, and things seemed like they would be alright. 

Of course, that would be if it not for the fact that Saeran encounters a very enchanting woman one evening in the gardens. At first, he thought that she was just a human. He thought that somebody had just come to appreciate things, and he strikes up a conversation with her... and they continue to meet like that for some time. 

She’s very intriguing. 

She’s very naive and doesn’t seem to know all that much about the world, it’s like she’s been sheltered or something, Saeran thinks. It’s actually kind of cute, as she’s always asking him about this and that, how things work, and about anything that he’s willing to tell her about. He knows that he really shouldn’t be spending so much time out in the open, but he’s never had some new to talk to. 

It isn’t until something happens that he realizes who she really is. There was a close call with one of his father’s goons, and he gets injured in the process of fighting back. When he comes to meet with Lila the next time, she sees his wound wrapped up and asks to take a look. She frowns when she sees the depth of it, and without thinking, she presses her hand to the lingering wound and it is healed in a matter of seconds. 

It’s warm. Her touch is warm. It’s like the sun is kissing his face on a warm summer day underneath the glimmering star. It’s so white-hot, pure, and light that it feels like she’s breathing life into him. That’s when it hits him. Everything that she’s done and said now makes sense to him. She wasn’t just some sheltered human. She was an angel. 

And she now knows what he is as well because the glow from her power was almost immediately rejected by his body and the wound went back to the way it was before she touched it. They’re both left to sit there and stare at each other in shock. She can’t heal him. Her powers only work on other angels and humans, not demons, not devils. 

They mean so much to each other but they’re from two different worlds and those worlds were never meant to meet in this way. If she continues to seek out the human world and his grasp, her wings will be taken from her. If he continues to meet with her then he knows that he will taint her holy wonder, and put her in mortal danger. 

And yet, there’s no denying that they both have feelings for one another... so, what is an angel and demon to do? 

Okay, so Highschool AU is actually kind of kooky. It’s one of my sillier AUs that doesn’t have a lot of imposing drama in the background. It’s a slice of life adventure with romance! Hilarity will ensure, so hold your horses, kids. 

Lila is an exchange student that came from abroad. She’s determined to try out something new and experience something new, and she’s got the good fortune of coming to the same school as the rest of the RFA. Which is just a club at their school in this AU, they do a lot of good for it by throwing dances and all sorts of events. 

The first person that she meets is a member of the student council, and his name is Ray. He’s a real sweetheart and does his best to show her around and help her with anything she needs. He goes above and beyond what’s expected of him, as usual. He just doesn’t want to mess things up. After all, he’s the one that suggested that they open their school up to the program, so she’s kind of his responsibility in a way, you know? 

He can’t help how strongly he feels for others. 

It’s obvious that he’s got a crush on her after the first couple of days that she’s there. It’s written all over his face with that goofy and clumsy smile of his that he just can’t seem to hide. He’s probably going to get teased over it by Seven and the others when Lila isn’t looking. 

Lila may feel the same way, but Ray isn’t sure. She’s always smiling and chatting with him amicably. It seems like they’re getting closer and that she likes him more than some of the people he knows but... 

Of course, this isn’t smooth sailing. 

After all, Saeran is just lingering underneath the surface, and he’s far different from Ray when he comes out. It happens more often when Ray is overwhelmed with his emotions, no matter what they may be, good or bad. You know when Saeran is directly speaking to you, he’s much blunter and frankly, a big old delinquent. He’s always getting into trouble and getting into spats with people over the smallest things. 

He can’t help his hairpin trigger. 

Unfortunately, Lila has a penchant for finding herself in danger, it seems like she’s just a sitting duck for anyone who wants to lash out at the pretty foreign girl. Because of that, Saeran begrudgingly (gladly) has to save her from a sticky situation. Much to his surprise, she had been more than ready to tell off the guys that dared to bother her in the first place and had been in the process of that by the time he decided to show up and scared them off. And oh fuck, what’s this feeling in his chest?

He thought that he was just going to have to save some stupid girl for Ray’s sake, but as it turns out, he realizes that he’s got a thing for her as well. This is where the hijinks ensue, kids. Both Ray and Saeran have feelings for the same girl and neither of them realizes that there are more reasonable ways to handle this; Because now, they’re both trying to win her affection before the other does like a couple of blind-sided idiots. 

So, here’s to Lila, flabbergasted by both parties and their actions. She’s caught in the middle of them and it’s like being stuck between a wall and a hard place as they both take their shot! 

[katoninefandoms]

Out of Time, Out of Place

I haven’t written Lord of the Rings fanfiction in a long time, and I finally had a great excuse to write some and write Marvel fanfiction at the same time. If you follow me, this is the fic I had an ask about (thank you @theswerviest) and am considering eventually continuing. You can also find it on Wattpad here, and I will most likely post the continuation on AO3 here once I get to it. 

If Steve weren’t used to having his life suddenly upended, he supposed this situation would be a lot worse. He hadn’t done this consciously, like getting into Erskine’s machine or diving a plane into the Arctic ocean, but at least it was not an immediately jarring change. Aliens had decided to attack New York again, and Steve and Natasha found themselves pushed back into the more forested part of Central Park, dodging through trees to try and get the upper hand on the opposition while the rest of the team handled the mothership in the atmosphere and the damage in the city. In the midst of the fighting, Steve hadn’t gotten a chance to get a good look at the aliens, and as he tried to keep pace with Natasha, so that he didn’t leave her behind, he tripped over a large root. 

Small things like that didn’t phase Steve anymore, but it was just enough time for the swarm of aliens to catch up. They didn’t attack him right away, like they had been before. Huge, hulking creatures stood over him, frowning and grunting like they weren’t sure he should be there at all. Their weapons seemed primitive, but maybe he just hadn’t gotten a good look before. Steve jumped up and attacked, trying to fight his way out of the group of creatures. 

It wasn’t easy as it had been just a few minutes ago. His punches were less effective, and the hits that the aliens got in were harder, more painful and he could feel bruises blooming where they managed to land solid blows. 

“Natasha!” he shouted, hoping she was still close enough to hear. “I need backup!” 

Steve broke free and sprinted further into the forest, hauling himself up into a tree as quickly as he could. He touched the communicator in his ear, to make sure it was still working, and noticed that all he could hear from it was static. He pressed the manual button, and tried to contact her, or any of their other teammates. But no one answered. He dodged a crudely-made arrow and frowned, looking around himself. Suddenly, he realized he couldn’t hear the buzz of the city, or their air support, or Hulk’s roaring, or Thor’s thunder. Steve swallowed hard and looked around, keeping the trunk of the tree between himself and the aliens -- if that was what they were. He scanned the forest, realizing that it was definitely not Central Park. The trees were different, almost more ethereal. He couldn’t see the tips of skyscrapers above the treeline.

But, for some reason, he felt comfortable in this place, like he’d been here before. 

An arrow whizzed by and nearly clipped Steve’s ear. He swore and noticed the creatures at the base of the tree, preparing to send more arrows up. He curled up as small as he could and put up his shield, mind racing. Where the hell was he? What were these creatures? Why did he know this place? How did he get here?

There was a commotion below him, and he waited until it died down to peek over the top of his shield. Three figures stood below the tree, two of them taller and one very short. They were looking at him strangely, as if he were totally out of place. Although, the more he looked at them, he could tell that they were completely justified. They were wearing tunics, breeches, and cloaks. They had on armor, the kind he’d only ever read about in fantasy novels. Steve’s uniform seemed to continuously baffle and amuse everyone around him anyways, even though he’d been wearing something similar since the 40s. But there was a very obvious difference here.

Steve slipped out of the tree, landing carefully on the forest floor. One of the men had a sword drawn that he held in a defensive position, the tallest one readied his bow in a flash, and the third man, a short, short man with a large beard, brandished his axe. Again, Steve realized that he couldn’t help but somehow recognize these men. He should have known who they were, but his mind was coming up blank. Instead of focusing on that thought, he slowly lifted his hands in a gesture of surrender, and then slipped the shield into its harness on his back. The men did not let their guard down. The tallest one looked at him disdainfully. 

The man with the sword stepped forward, lowering his sword a little, “State your name and your business.” He was commanding, but he also seemed to sense that Steve was just as confused as they were. 

“My name is Steve Rogers,” Steve answered, honestly. “I don’t know how I got here. I don’t know where I am.”

The short man growled and stepped forward, “Aragorn, I don’t believe ‘im. Let me take care of this… this spy and let’s be on our way.”

Steve blanched, suddenly going cold. Aragorn. “The Fellowship,” he breathed, before Aragorn could reply to the short man, whom Steve could only surmise was Gimli. 

All of their gazes snapped to him, and the third man -- Legolas, surely -- loosed his arrow, barely grazing Steve’s ear in warning, and replaced it just as swiftly. Aragorn’s sword raised, though he gripped Gimli’s arm to keep him from charging. Steve noticed the leaf clasps that held their cloaks together. 

Aragorn’s gaze locked with Steve’s wide eyes, boring into him. “How have you learned of our Fellowship?”

Steve weighed his options carefully. Telling the truth would sound fantastical to them, even in a world of magic, and might get him killed. However, if he lied, they would definitely be able to tell, and they would attack him anyways. He wished he had Thor with him, or Natasha. They would know better what to do with this. Of course, Natasha would smack him upside the head and tell him to use his brain. From what Steve knew of the story, he should be able to tell these men the truth. They would be able to tell, and even if it seemed impossible, surely they’d try to reason with him, first. 

“I’m… I’m in Middle Earth, yes?” Steve asked, needing to clarify before he made a total fool of himself. He had to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. 

“Are ye daft?” Gimli roared, fighting Aragorn’s grip. “Of course you’re in Middle Earth! Where else would ye be?”

Steve took a step back, putting his hands back up in placation. “I came here from New York City. My… my friends and I were in the middle of a battle, and I was somehow transported here.” He looked around, taking in the bodies of what he now knew to be Orcs and Uruk-hai around them. “These… aren’t the aliens we were fighting.” He looked back up at the three men, who simply blinked at him as they processed what he said. “Your Fellowship is part of a popular series of… stories, where I come from.”

Thinking about it, with just the three of them here, and the stillness of the forest, and the amount of dead Orcs, Steve thought he knew where in the narrative this was. If he strained his hearing, he could hear the river nearby. There was no other movement in the forest, the creatures still afraid to come out of hiding, and no Hobbits left to run through the underbrush. They were close to Amon Hen, near the River Anduin.

Legolas was the first to speak. His grip on his bow tightened, and his eyes narrowed. “Is this some kind of black magic?”

“I don’t know,” Steve answered, honestly, keeping his eye on the Elf’s other hand, ready to dodge if he loosed the arrow. 

Silence stretched between them all as each of the three seemed to try and decide what to do with him. Steve could only pray his team noticed he had been zapped into another universe and that Tony was going to find some way to bring him back. Even if he survived this conversation, there was no way he would be able to get back to New York on his own. He supposed he might be able to find his way through Lórien and ask the wise Elves for help, but that was a long shot. They likely wouldn’t welcome a lone human anyways, nevermind so close to the Fellowship’s visit. 

Aragorn sheathed his sword, letting go of Gimli to wave at Legolas. The Elf lowered his bow, still glowering at Steve. 

“You’re not lying to us,” Aragorn said, reaching a hand out for Steve to clasp, which he did, gladly. It almost felt like meeting a celebrity. “Steve Rogers, I have never heard of New York City, I do not think we are able to help you.”

Steve smiled, ruefully, “I didn’t expect you to. I don’t know how to help myself.” He glanced around, as if his team might appear. “My friends will have to find me to get me home. Is there a place nearby that is safe for me to wait for them?”

The three men looked at each other, and Gimli grumbled while Aragorn and Legolas spoke softly in Elvish to each other. Hearing the language in person made Steve feel like he might faint. Gimli didn’t seem very bothered by Steve anymore, but Legolas kept throwing him dirty looks, and Steve wondered if he shouldn’t just try to make it on his own. But before he could beg off, telling them he could manage on his own, Aragorn turned back to him. 

“If you know our story already, from your… world, then you know we are leaving to chase down two of our companions who were taken by the Uruk-hai.”

Steve nodded, “Yes, I do. Merry and Pippin.” He could feel the Elf’s glare, but kept eye-contact with Aragorn. 

“Come with us,” Aragorn offered. “There are not many safe places now. If you are with us, and your friends know the story as well, they will be able to find you with us.” He smirked, “And you are obviously a man of skill. Perhaps you can be useful to us, even a little.”

In his chest, Steve’s heart was pounding a mile a minute. He had to fight down a grin, knowing that it would be inappropriate. Instead, he nodded, “Thank you. I would be… honored to join you. You’re not wrong about my friends, either.” 

Just like that, it was decided. Aragorn nodded once and clapped Steve on the shoulder before turning to his other companions. “We must make haste, we cannot spare another minute. Come, friends,” he smiled, as if to give them all hope, “let us run.”

Aragorn took off into the forest, Legolas hot on his heels. Gimli took off faster than Steve expected, though he did proclaim himself a “natural sprinter” in the movies that Tony forced him to watch. Steve took a moment to breathe, praying that this wouldn’t end in total catastrophe. He let himself smile, just a little, and took off into the woods.

[vanillamilkcloud]

MAKE IT RIGHT || 01

pairing: jungkook x reader ft. taehyung.

word count: 4.3k

please understand that this does not romanticize abuse in any way. there is a lot of time in the recovery from it, not to mention your heart will both seek and reject any form of affection. abuse is highly wrong in any form and you should seek help if you are/know a victim.

warnings: angst, physical violence, fluff, another 500 tons of angst, degredation.

genre: 1950-60s au, [EVENTUAL] smut, fluff, angst.

chapter: 01 || 02

It wasn't uncommon for the nights of yours to be spent alone, turning in bed as the smell of cigarettes burn your nose. The putrid drug had an effect on your body though negative couldnt outweigh positive. Why would you give up the one thing that gave you sanity in this empty household? The mind could only be drawn to a blank whilst the chemicals fogged your mind in a delectable warmth.

Why was it that your body still ached for the one you called your lover? The long haired brunette, almost constantly having the taste of booze upon his lips, driving around on a motorcycle doing god knows what. You couldnt help but let out a quiet sigh. "Stupid boy." That's all he ever was. He only ever showed to your side if he needed a good fuck, or happened to be drunk and needed to yell his frustrations at someone. So perhaps that was how you ended up with a cigarette between your lips right now, red lipstick tainting one end while you sat on the porch stairs in nothing more than a sweatshirt and underwear.

The small puff of white smoke slowly dissipated in the air, [eye color] orbs glancing out to the black Fireflite. This was a bit out of order for what he usually drove. Some of the stuffs of his hair stuck out, light bouncing off the neatly gelled hair he pulled back to a man bun. Though the gel seemed to be gone along with any remainder of the 'lover' part of him. "What are you doing outside _____?" He growled out, making a sigh slip past your lips. The attire of choice and the drug induced high easily meant this wouldn't be a kind night for either party involved. When were the nights pleasant anymore though?

"How much did he have?" You called out, purely ignoring Jungkook. In the driver's seat sat Min Yoongi, the only dealer in town.

"As much as his wallet could make, sure you got him sweetheart?" Brown eyes looked up at you with a faint though genuine concern. It was widely known that Jungkook had gotten violent around you more than once, though his sober state seemed to satiate the pain that brimmed in your heart. Most wondered what it would take until you broke.

The sound of the passenger side opening cut your timing to reply short, following after the elder male. Jungkook's feet didnt seem to work coherently beneath him whilst he attempted to stumble to the door. Your arm slipped around his waist to help; Yoongi took the chance to let himself get away in the vehicle with a screech on the asphalt. The taller, high male let himself push you away without a second thought. "Get away from me you fuckin' whore." He growled.

"Jungkook-"

"Did I stutter or somethin'? Beat feet!" He yelled, your feet forcing you a single step backwards. The feeling of his eyes scanning over you felt incredibly wrong but the tone he chose couldn't help but to make you laugh at him. The way he looked with puffy eyes and greased back hair, bun falling to pieces as you both stood there. It was endearing in a way. Not in the right way though. This laugh from your lips should have sounded like a melody in Jungkook’s ears but drugs were a dangerous thing. His judgement would remain clouded for the night no matter what you both did.

“Last I checked, I also lived here,” You retorted, making your way past the taller to go inside. His eyes seemed to bore holes in your back as if you were the devil. If anything it was a beautiful form of pure destruction in Jungkook’s eyes. The feeling was something you had grown used to feeling numb from; at least for the most part, it still hurt a lot. There was no way to negate the pain though. Your shell of a lover was already cracking once again for that night.

Everything seemed to slow for what was only a few seconds, turning into hours. You had turned in the slightest to be able to see it; Jungkook had taken the bottle he left at a side table in your house before throwing it. The glass had luckily not enough force to break against your skull, though you still stumbled to the floor with a broken laugh. Such a sound didn’t seem right to fall out of your lips, so oddly broken yet full of a darkness that he could not comprehend. You let yourself take the bottle off the floor.

“Well?” The word carried so much more of a weight that shouldn’t have been possible. It took him a moment to give you an eyeroll, then a demented smile. There was nothing saccharine about this anymore. His natural bunny smile had seem estranged as his next words flew with an ease.

“What? You didn’t think I knew you talked shit about me? That you say you love me but also say im the reason for everything!” Jungkook yelled, snatching the bottle from you before throwing it to the floor. The small slivers of red dressed the bottoms of your ankles and shins as the male in front of you looked unphased. He was purely virulent.

“Maybe if you didn’t feel the need to fucking go out and cheat, then end up here only for me to put on all that make up to hide the bruises!” You retorted. Within an instant you had earned another blow, though it wasn’t deserved in the least. Nobody ever truthfully earns the right for their lover’s to treat them as nothing. Unless you happened to be named Jeon Jungkook. The tears streaming down your cheek washed what remains had been left of your makeup, the faint bruises and scratches still covering your skin. It all felt too much once again though there wasn’t a point in showing that to this man in front of you. The slim hand that went to pull your locks back with a hair tie revealed the vibrant hues painting your collar and neck. Some were ‘love’ bites, others were the marks of a choke hold from yet another fight. 

Nobody could try and deny that you looked like you were fighting for your life.

“Tch, can’t even hit back.” Jungkook shook his head and you rolled your eyes. How were you suppose to? Even if you tried it was still way more likely that he’d just catch your hands, there was no way you could actually manage to get your hands to get him back. He clearly couldnt remember the times you had tried. So there was only one other option that seemed to fit in your head for the moment. Your knee went upwards at a straight perpendicular to collide with his groin, and he hunched over while you rubbed your eyes. It was a new sight in your eyes to see him as the one that was being on the ground. Jungkook’s form was refreshing in a noxious way. 

[eye color] orbs looked down at him with a dull glow. It seemed to be something that you held in that threatened to bubble to the surface. Months and years of screaming, hands upon your skin in a pure route destruction, it was bound to pour over. So why wasnt there a better timing than right now? Why did he have such an insistence on keeping you around? The questions ran your head to a mush and back once again while you attempted to put yourself together.

The telephone was your first thought as your legs helped carried you to the bedroom. Jungkook had just started to get up though it clearly meant he'd be there in only moments. In the years you knew the male you had memorized a few phone numbers, one of which was the house, and the other that Kim Taehyung stayed in. Spinning through the numbers had wasted the few moments you had before the door slammed open.

"Hello? Who is it?" Taehyung's voice rang loud and clear, while Jungkook only looked furious. He didnt even bother to hang up before he was on you. Your attempts wiggle away were futile and his weight hurt just enough to make you stop, one hand around your wrist and he ass sitting on your thighs. There wasn't a way to get yourself out.

"Lil'sewer rat really called Taehyung? WowWwW~!! I'm so scared." He taunted, no care in the world that Taehyung knew fully well how to get to town, and their house.

"Get off!" You yelled, tears stinging in the corners of your eyes. Everything felt so incredibly wrong. Jungkook had leaned down to let himself whisper in your ear, that demented grin making your body shake more.

"Wouldn't you love to have him know ya's virgin? Golly bet he'd love to listen on in. Sure’d be pretty." He chuckled darkly as you couldn’t help but to try anything you could under him. The hold on your body was way too strong for comfort though and there wasn’t a hope for anything to get him off. Your ears were only faintly able to pick up the sound of the telephone once more. It had only come just as you screamed.

“I’m coming over, hang on.” There was a click, and Jungkook looked as if he had no care. This was the moment you had realized there wasn’t any sliver of love left in this state. How were you suppose to fight this? You only looked up at him with your eyes reflecting the lie of love you two shared. There wasn’t any more pretending to be happy with him. Jungkook’s head went down to press feather light kisses along your neck, making you tense though he couldn’t tell that. Nothing of this felt like how he promised. Your lover had always promised youd feel like a treasure, that nothing would be pressured. Instead you felt like a toy that he sought to break. Since when did love have to start feeling like a poison to you? 

The question rang clear in your mind though it came to pass with the sharp snap of someone getting hit. That someone, was Jungkook. It took you a moment to register Taehyung’s arms around your torso and pulling you behind him. Such a touch was gladly welcomed in your heart though your body could only tense even more.  Jimin’s arms let go as he could tell you weren’t comfortable. Taehyung on the other hand, he seemed to have a few words to exchange with your so called boyfriend. You looked up with tears still streaming your cheeks. It felt so damned wrong to want to protect Jungkook though you knew why more than well enough. He was where your heart remained regardless of what he could ever do to you. This was where Taehyung and Jimin were blind because any outsider would think there wouldnt be any love.

“Isn’t it the damned hero? Daddy-O couldn’t stay out of someone’s range.” Jungkook laughed, wobbling as he stood up. The male let himself lean against the wall before there was a half-assed attempt to hit Taehyung. All of the drugs didn’t provide assistance though as they served to only obscure his vision.

“What’s it to you?” Taehyung retorted. Jimin shifted slightly to stand between the two of them as a protective thing, and you took the chance to run to Jungkook’s side and hug him as tight as you could. There was an obvious amount of confusion between the other two males. Jungkook on the other hand looked even more annoyed, lacing his hand into your hair before pulling you off roughly. “Don’t fucking touch me when your body guards are here.”

“But Ju-”

“Get the hell OUT!” He yelled, Jimin blocking a punch that should have been directed at you.The orange haired male looked at you just after he stumbled, taking a moment before Taehyung held Jungkook back. It was obvious there was something terribly wrong with the relationship and it wasn’t because of you. Taehyung felt his body on such a pure edge; it frightened him. How have you dealt with this for so long? This wasn’t the way to treat your girl no matter who you were. You let yourself fall against Jimin in the response of.. whatever Taehyung said. He took you up into his arms before taking a bag, stuffing whatever clothes of yours and Jungkook’s that he could find. Jungkook’s clothes only would serve as a strange comfort while the two decided they were taking you in at this point. 

With a faint awareness you were once again outside though you felt a bit disconnected. It made sense that you were once again outside though at the same instance you hadn’t recalled yourself getting there. You also were not walking so it made sense. You looked to Jimin who seemed just as distraught as you did. Taehyung was nowhere for quite some time though. You attempted to pull yourself up on two feet, though it was a shaky stance for the most part. In an instance you were once again on the ground with tears racking through your body. The mere movements made your body sore but you couldn’t help it. There was no hope in trying to act like you were okay as the truth was that you were more broken than ever; the question remained to jimin and taehyung, how had they not noticed? All the half-assed smile and when you’d tense when Jungkook touched you, or your obvious nervousness when he looked at you wrong. It had only come to click in their minds now.

Jimin pulled you into his chest despite the obvious way that you didn’t seem to want it. It seemed to show that you needed to feel like something could protect you though. If it was Jimin and Taehyung, then so be it since your boyfriend was doing a shit job.

“Let’s go!” Taehyung’s voice cut through the air like a knife. Jimin took you up into his arms, both of you briefly glancing back to your friend. Blood ran from his lip and his cheek looked swollen. It was the most either of you two could see before you bolted from the yard. It had only occurred to you how they did not seem to come in a car.

“Where’s the ride?” You asked gently, your voice hoarse from the crying and muffled by Jimin’s neck. The male had taken you onto his back for the easiest solution to running.

“Impound, we got busted last week.” Taehyung answered with a light laugh mixed between his pants. You were put down carefully as it was determined they were a safe distance from your house. With a gentle hand you took the bag Jimin grabbed, pulling a pair of pants out before slipping them on in the closest alley. You then pouted a little while examining Taehyung. The cost of your protection meant the injury of someone else. His honey skin was dotted with blood that you had no idea of it was his or Jungkook’s. Skin was obviously broken on both of his knuckles, then his lip was busted along with one of his eyes slightly swollen.

“______, don't worry about me. Please.” Taehyung flinched under your touch before Jimin pulled you back lightly. “It’s only a shiner! Y’know I’ll be okay.”

“It’s not that simple-  You know how he hits.” Jimin cut in, pulling you into him as you started to shake once more. It wasn’t as violent as before but it still had you remembering previous things that you didn’t want. Nobody necessarily wanted to recall abuse though either. So much of your body ached with the same pain that coursed through Taehyung’s. It was making you want to fall once more though you wouldn't let yourself. Taehyung took the bag in the meantime from Jimin, slipping his arms around you before the smaller male took you out of your thoughts.

“I’m gonna get the gang up, you two go back to the pad.” Jimin said, weary about his leaving. There was still a chance that Jungkook had followed after you three. He was also in the best condition to try and act as a decoy. You let a small nod happen before Taehyung crouched, in agreement with what Jimin had already said. He gave a small laugh as you slipped you bag on and climbed upon his back. It seemed more of an instinct to hide your face in Taehyung’s neck before you could register it. The male didn’t mind on the other hand. Jimin gave you a warm smile, before waving and running off towards the outskirts. Taehyung walked slowly as he continued his path towards home.

There wasn’t much in the remainder of your journey to Taehyung’s home. It was more of a welcomed silence filled with the sounds of crickets and street lights that had hurt your eyes. You would whine at the occasion though it only seemed to make you both laugh. Taehyung more than welcomed the sound even if it was a broken melody to his ears. So much had happened between you and Jungkook, yet nobody saw. How was one to not blame himself? The raven was a bit better at concealing his emotions than you but he still hasn't managed fully. You knew that he considered you as a sister, at least that’s what you preferred to say. It was obvious Taehyung felt more than that though you couldn’t quite place your finger on it for the longest time. There was no harm in not knowing though. You both seemed content with it.

Over the next few weeks, nobody allowed Jungkook near you. He had asked multiple times so he could give you a much deserved apology. Nobody thought that there was anything that could be a bigger lie, even you. Your body looked like it had recovered besides the few scars he had left previously. It seemed though that your mind was much farther behind. The boys didn’t try to hug you or anything still, unless it was Taehyung. With such a long absence of affection you seemed to get adjusted with the male easily. He happily let you stay as close as you could to him as well, Jimin sometimes joining in on the affection despite the rest of the gang teased them for being gay. None of it was meant to be an actual insult though as they had understood once Jimin explained what happened that night.

“Darlin! Where ya at!” Taehyung called and you couldn’t help but laugh at his fake accent. You peeked out from the hall as you had just finished washing your face. One of Jungkook’s older hoodies donned your figure though both had forgotten who it really belonged to. The elder just came to hug you, only to squish your cheek playfully before running away once again. You let out a soft laugh from the kind action. Taehyung had grown to love teasing you with the affection you sought. There wasn’t ever a complaint from it though as both of you thought it was fun. You took a moment longer to make sure that your face was clear soap before running down the hall after him. Taehyung had carefully hidden behind the door of his bedroom, smiling warmly as you squeaked the appearance of his arms around you. He pulled the two of you onto his bed before his larger form seemed to dwarf yours. You didn’t mind it though as you curled up into him, letting out a quiet hum while you relaxed.

“How’d everything go today?” You asked gently, the topic being left vague for the purpose of him filling in with whatever he wanted. Taehyung knew at the same time though that you wanted to know about Jungkook.

“He almost got into it with Yoongi today. Otherwise we were all okay. There was a few skirmishes with Jungkook and some other gang members,” Taehyung’s nimble fingers found their purchase on your hips, drawing soothing shapes through the material of your clothing. “As much as I want to say that he’s getting better, he isn’t doll. We all know you wanna help but we dont want you in the middle of that all. Once he’s not so fiesty he can come over with me okay?”

You let a small pout pass your lips with the words, though you understood why at the same time. This wasn’t meant to be mean but rather to protect you from Jungkook’s more violent tendencies.

Taehyung hummed quietly as he felt you move yourself closer to his chest. No protest came from the male, letting you bask in his warmth. You had to lean up slightly to press a kiss to his jawline. The small action seemed so much more intimate than the previous things. Perhaps Taehyung was looking into it more than he needed to. It didn’t seem to matter much though as his lips found purchase on yours. You seemed a bit shocked by it at first, pulling back to look up at him properly. He seemed to be flushed with the realization of his own actions. You didn’t bother to say anything though. Instead, you pressed your lips back against his once more.

He was the one to remained shocked this time, before he relaxed into the feeling of your lips against his. There was a familiar taste of strawberry chapstick on his tongue now though it seemed completely new all at once. His own lips had the familiar taste of tobacco from cigarettes, something that you hated but though it was much more delightful in your opinion now. You let yourself drown in the feeling of someone actually caring for you as your mind seemed to race. There was no way this was correct in any form but you also couldn’t find to say this was wrong. Perhaps using Taehyung for your own happiness was wrong, or having you pulled onto his lap was wrong. But you didn’t fight back with it. 

“Are you sure this is okay?” Taehyung asked quietly, parting from your lips with a pant. Every fiber of his being said to stop this now but he had wasted so much time in simply staying by Jungkook’s side that he didn’t care anymore. None of the ruckus outside mattered, or the door opening. You still gave him a gentle nod before relaxing into his touch once more. His teeth nipped at your lower lip with a quiet hum and your lips parted with the instinct. The yell of Jungkook’s name didn’t register in your mind before you and Taehyung were ripped apart. You had looked at the hand around your arm only to end up connecting the sounds. Of course you had to be oblivious until Jungkook found you kissing Taehyung. He looked a bit softer than he had the weeks previous, hair still just long as curly as before while his features looked at you with softened eyes.

“We’ll talk about this.” He said gently, though his eyes were lit with an obvious fire. You stepped backwards out of of the room before carrying yourself out of the door. This wasn’t how you wanted things to start and the look between the two had made you deathly scared. Outside Jimin and Hoseok were brusied but just starting to getting up, especially with seeing you dart from the yard. They had an idea of what was happening seeing that Jungkook had made it passed the two of them. 

“_____!” Jimin yelled out while following after you. Hoseok took himself inside to clear the scene before the injuries were too bad.

You carried yourself as far as your legs could push you, then even farther than that, your feet burning from all the running. There were a few spots in town that only you and Jungkook had gone to so your mind pushed you towards the closest one. It was just past town to a large field, full of sunflowers that you had insisted on stealing to put in your yard on your date here. The memory seered in your mind while you crumpled into the grass in tears. He had been so much more peaceful then and then the past few weeks seemed to be a test for you both. You pouted more as you couldn't think of any recent time that your heart hadnt been in pain, though it seemed like this was your fault for once. "I'm sorry.." You whispered. [ Hair Color ] locks fell in front of your eyes.  Every fiber of your body radiated in pain and you knew that you couldnt get up. Your only hope remained to be Jungkook coming to save you.

Minutes after hours passed by as you heard police sirens, and the sounds of cars being driven too fast through town. The sounds were awfully faint up until you heard a rumble. You couldn't figure out why it made you no difference to you at first. That was until you felt Jungkook's arms around your torso, him falling onto his knees while his head laid on your shoulder. He didn't say anything for a bit as he didn't know if you would end up pushing him away. But he was more than delighted to see you lace one of your hands between his own.

"______," He murmured, worried about you for once in what felt like years. Jungkook's tone perhaps hurt more than it should. "I'm sorry." He whispered.

"It's alright." The two words were all you felt you could manage at the moment. It wasn't the easiest to try and figure out to say to him and he could tell. His lips brushed over the bruise on your neck, anger coursing through him as his grip tightened a bit too much. You let out a shaky whine before he quickly released. "I'll… I'll make this right." He murmured.

[taexual]

HOLIC - 18 | jb x reader

pairing: Im Jaebum x Reader

genre: enemies to lovers au | roommate au

warnings: some angst + bits of strong language

words: 4.3k

disclaimer: i do not own the gif, please let me know if it belongs to you, so i can give proper credit

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Once Friday came, you could not decide what to wear to Jiho’s show. You’ve had nearly a whole week to prepare for it and yet you’d chosen to spend your time worrying about all of the things you’d have to say to him once you got there instead. Obviously, you’d have to address the issue of him using your photograph without your permission – although, you had a feeling that the severity of your reaction depended a lot on how you thought the picture looked; despite it being unfair to you, you didn’t want to tell him off if you ended up loving his exhibition, after all – but you also debated if you should have confessed the truth about your feelings—or, the lack thereof—for Jiho.

You and Jiho have known each other for a short while and—as you couldn’t get the conversation you’ve had with Jaebum out of your head—you were starting to realize that the romantic feelings that you should have felt towards him just weren’t there and, at this point, it wasn’t likely that they’d come at all. You did think Jiho was attractive and you admired him greatly – well, aside from the few slips he’d made as a professional – but you didn’t think your admiration for him was ever going to grow into anything more. Now, it was possible that you only felt this way because Jiho was rather slow—or non-existent—with his own affection, never giving your heart a chance to properly flutter, but, perhaps, there was also something—or, well, someone— else that your attention was focused on.

In the end, you decided you weren’t going to talk about your feelings tonight – that conversation might have ended up being far too loaded for a setting like this and, besides, you’ve already had enough confrontations for one week – and instead, you chose to concentrate on something that was less emotionally-draining. Fashion.

In the few other private photography shows that you’ve gone to, people usually dressed in a laid-back, casual chic way – jeans with blazers, dresses with sneakers, et cetera. The shows were also dark most of the time, with all the lights dimmed or completely turned off – since the pictures were usually projected onto the wall – but you didn’t know if Jiho was going to do the same. Perhaps the restaurant he’d rented was light. Perhaps it was a five-star one. Or perhaps it was traditional.

You didn’t think you had clothes that fit each of the different scenarios you came up with in your head, so you figured you’d call Hyojin – who’d graduated with a degree in fashion design – and ask for her help.

Right as you prepared to dial her number, though, you heard the door of Jaebum’s room open.

“I’m going out with my friend!” he called out to you from the hallway. “I’ll probably be back late.”

You approached your door and stuck your head out. “Cool. Have fun.”

“You, too,” Jaebum nodded. “Text me how your... thing went and let me know if the loser finally dared to kiss you.”

“Fuck off.”

“Gladly!” he replied, laughing, as he unlocked the door of the apartment and – after giving you another smile – left.

Shaking your head, you retreated back into your room. You and Jaebum had managed to reach the middle ground – it only took a new bed, a solved problem with a problematic ex, and fixed hot water – and you haven’t had a proper argument in three days now, which had to be a record since you moved in together. Sure, you argued about whose turn it was to buy the groceries or why one of you–Jaebum–had left the milk on the cupboard the whole night, but all of this was child’s play in comparison to what you two had argued about before.

It was nice like this. You were finally getting used to each other’s routines, and even creating a routine of your own – you’d eaten breakfast together every morning since you made up, and you’ve even cooked food together, which was something you’d never imagined doing with Jaebum.

You couldn’t help but smile as you sat down on your bed. When you’d first moved in, you’d thought you’d only manage to live together if you avoided each other as much as possible. But you’ve seen Jaebum every day since you moved in and, – since both of you were still alive, – you had to admit, you weren’t doing as bad as you might have initially thought.

A part of you knew that a serious fight was inevitable – that was who you were – and the two of you might even go back to all the words you haven’t said to each other because your last fight was relatively anti-climactic in comparison to what you’d expected. But you were alright now – genuinely and truly – and your mind chose to stay in the present for as long as possible.

The future would come eventually, you didn’t want to bother about it now.

Hyojin had found you an outfit to wear – that girl probably had your entire closet memorized – and you arrived at Jiho’s show, feeling more excited than nervous. That was the power of clothes that you felt good in. If you didn’t end up having a good time here tonight or if you had to physically throw the projector out of the restaurant’s window because Jiho wouldn’t remove your picture from his exhibition if you’d asked, then at least you would look nice while doing it.

You were positive that tonight was going to go well, though, and you couldn’t help but smile as you entered the restaurant and noticed Jiho greeting guests. He looked good—really good—and, for a moment, you forgot all about your conflicted feelings.

“You came,” Jiho smiled, noticing you, his voice thankful. He took your hand in his as a way to say hello – you weren’t really expecting him to hug you since you’ve come to learn that Jiho obviously wasn’t overly affectionate – and nodded his head towards the restaurant. “Come in. Almost everyone is here already, we can start soon.”

You nodded, entering the cozy place he’d chosen for tonight. The first thing you noticed was the brightness – clearly, Jiho wasn’t going to use a projector to showcase his photographs. Then, you took a moment to acknowledge the number of females in the restaurant – as well as how beautiful all of them were – and the actual photographs themselves, hanging in frames on the walls of the restaurant.

That was when reality hit, completely ridding you of every hopeful thought you might have had about tonight.

The place looked like an exhibition already, even if it was supposed to be just a rehearsal for it, and, while it somehow felt much cozier when you could actually see the copies of the pictures and not just the reflections of them from a computer screen somewhere, you couldn’t help but freeze as soon as you started to walk down the restaurant.

Every single photograph hanging on the wall had a girl in it.

As you turned around the restaurant, you felt your stomach sink. Your picture – the one that Jiho had taken on the night the two of you met – wasn’t anything special. It was black and white just like the rest of them, and you looked caught off guard in it just like every other girl in the rest of the pictures. There was absolutely nothing different about yours.

You thought you were going to get sick. Demanding to get your picture taken down seemed so unexplainably stupid now because not one other girl in this room seemed as shocked about this as you felt. They all seemed to know what Jiho was doing and, even if he hadn’t warned them he’d use their pictures, they obviously did not mind.

As you glanced back at Jiho, who was greeting another girl that had just come by taking her hand into his – just like he’d done with you, – you realized that perhaps you and him have had a huge misunderstanding. You tried not to jump to conclusions just yet, though. Perhaps Jiho just found a whole bunch of models to pose for him and you were really different. Perhaps he’d used a picture of you without asking you simply because he couldn’t help not featuring you in his exhibition of so many other girls and he did actually consider you special.

But even your naïve mind couldn’t really believe that after having seen how similar the photographs looked to each other. All of them were obviously pre-planned, they were all a part of a sequence and not one photograph was more special than another one.

It was starting to look as though you’d end up not achieving anything tonight: you couldn’t talk to Jiho about your scary lack of feelings for him – because, apparently, he never even had the intention of catching feelings for you, so you spent all of this time worrying about your heart being elsewhere while you could have just confronted him earlier – and you couldn’t demand to get your picture taken down because of how obvious your expectations for this non-existent relationship would end up being.

You didn’t want to lose what little dignity you had left. No matter how great you felt in the outfit Hyojin had chosen, you knew all of your confidence would escape you if you’d cause a scene in the middle of a restaurant full of beautiful women – models, by the looks of it – who were all—probably—aware of Jiho’s real intentions. And if they weren’t aware, then, at least, they seemed to be completely fine with his decision to create a photography exhibition, completely made out of pictures of surprised girls, accentuating what you could imagine was supposed to be their natural beauty.

You may have thought you could use a great outfit to your advantage as you caused a huge dramatic scene, but you could not utter a single word without your voice shaking in shame.

“Hey,” Jiho’s voice was suddenly by your ear. After getting over the initial surprise of him appearing next to you, you decided you had to clear up the possibility of another misunderstanding and then get out of here.

“The pictures are looking great,” you said, starting off slow. Your voice sounded surprisingly steady. “Do you know every girl in them?”

“Yeah, more or less,” Jiho shrugged his shoulders, his hand moving to your waist. “They’re all wonderful. Have you talked to anyone? Let me introduce you.”

“Actually,” you stopped him, taking a step away so he wouldn’t be touching you anymore. Jiho seemed confused by your move so you tried to give him a polite smile. You were feeling far too embarrassed to explain yourself but you went ahead anyway, “I’m going to get a glass of water, okay? I took a taxi here and I got a bit carsick.”

“Oh, sure, sure,” he nodded, pointing in the direction of the kitchen. “A waiter will greet you there. Would you like me to come with—”

“No, it’s fine,” you cut him off, already walking away. Your entire body was starting to burn up the longer you stared at the photographs around you. “Thanks.”

You weren’t sure if you really needed a glass of water or a whole bottle of any type of alcohol you could find. You’ve been here for five whole minutes and you realized that you, not developing feelings for Jiho fast enough, wasn’t the biggest problem in your life.

You’d assumed you and Jiho were dating. Meanwhile, he must have been using you as a temporary muse of sorts so he could complete his exhibition. The only reason why he’d called you beautiful in that bar where you’d met him wasn’t because he was genuinely attracted to you – and that’s what Jaebum and your friends have been hinting at since the very beginning – it was because he was already looking at you from behind a camera.

You stopped by the exit of the restaurant – you were certainly not sticking around for longer, this was far too embarrassing – and glanced back to look inside again. There was this small, stupid little part of your brain nagging at you for overreacting and insisting that perhaps this wasn’t that bad. Jiho had every right to talk to other girls. You lived with another guy yourself, after all. Maybe Jiho would even understand if you told him to get your picture taken down and he wouldn’t consider it weird or ask you for an explanation – although, certainly, “you’ve used this photograph without my permission” would have been a good enough explanation had you not waited this long to say it.

But then, as you watched Jiho go around, chatting with the other guests, you saw him interact with every girl in the same way he’d interacted with you and the essence of your “relationship” with him was suddenly even more clear to you. You weren’t dating. You had a strictly bussiness-related relationship.

No wonder he’d never kissed you. No wonder he’d never specifically reffered to what you’d assumed were dates as “dates.” He always asked you out for a bite of food, never specifying the occassion. It was just you making conclusions about everything he did, really. Jiho was never dating you. At least, not in the usual sense of that word.

It didn’t hurt as much as it probably should have and, in a way, you felt almost relieved about not having to tell him that you didn’t see him in a romantic light, but, at the same time, you couldn’t help the embarrassment. You’d gotten so excited about finally getting a chance to date someone – and to rub it into Jaebum’s face, of course – that you couldn’t even differentiate an actual date from whatever this with Jiho was.

You were sure Jiho wasn’t going to notice if you’d left the restaurant. There was not much else that you could have done here without letting Jiho know of the delusional ideas you’ve gotten about him and you after you two had met.

Jaebum had told you it took people less than five days to display their feelings for each other. Well, your and Jiho’s five days were up and it was clear as day now – there were no feelings between the two of you whatsoever. Perhaps you were the one who went too far – you really needed to go on a date to prove a point to yourself and, partially, to Jaebum – and misunderstood Jiho’s intentions but, in your defense, he was never clear about what he wanted from you, either.

You still didn’t want Jiho exhibiting that picture of you at your gallery, but you couldn’t deal with it tonight. There were far too many people to witness your shameful confession here. You could already hear their spiteful words, calling you stupid for even considering the possibility of Jiho being interested in you romantically.

You were leaving now – you weren’t sure if Jiho would notice your absence so you didn’t bother with goodbyes – but you knew you’d have to come find Jiho later so you could talk to him before the actual exhibition. Perhaps, by that time, you would manage to convince yourself that Jiho was the one to blame for the false expectations you’ve been given, and you shouldn’t have felt embarrassed—or guilty—about anything.

Another five minutes later, you were already in a cab, feeling glum and disappointed in yourself. You gave the driver the address of Mark’s bar, since Jaebum had told you he was going out with a friend and you’d assumed you’d find him there. Aside from some familiar company, you also really needed a drink or two. Or five.

As you sat down by the bar and immediately ordered “one of everything,” – genuinely surprising the bartender, – you began to scan the place for Jaebum and Mark. You caught sight of Mark first – he gave you a nod and a sign, indicating that he was going to serve you tonight instead since the other bartender was still confused about your order – and then proceeded to look for your roommate.

Jaebum wasn’t by the bar so that meant he was either in a booth at the very back, or on the dancefloor. You’d have paid good money to see Jaebum’s drunken dance but you didn’t think he was there. There weren’t enough people dancing to form an actual crowd and Jaebum didn’t strike you as the type of person who’d love being the center of attention in a place full of people who were relatively sober.

“You look like you stepped into something not particularly pleasant,” Mark spoke, suddenly appearing in front of you.

You snorted, turning around to face him. “You could say that. I think your bartender friend must have thought I was joking when I ordered everything. But I mean it.”

“What happened?” Mark asked then, ignoring your order and instead getting a wine bottle off of the shelf behind him.

“Oh, nothing serious. I’m just overreacting because I’m dumb,” you replied, waving your hand dismissively. “The guy I thought I was dating turned out to be—what do I call this?—fifteen-timing me.”

“Fifteen—that’s a lot of people,” Mark raised his eyebrows, pouring you a glass and filling it to the brim. “Was he seriously seeing that many people at the same time?”

“He wasn’t seeing them per se,” you explained, sighing. “And he wasn’t seeing me, either. I just thought he was. He’s a photographer so he went out with all of these different girls so he could take pictures of them or something. It was all platonic, I guess. I don’t know why I’m acting like this, though. I was almost considering breaking up with him tonight and now I don’t have to do that because—surprise!—we were never even together.”

Mark pushed the wine glass towards you, leaning against the bar top on his elbows. “Wait, so is he the guy I introduced you to the other night?”

“Oh. Yeah. That’s the guy,” you nodded, remembering how Jaebum refused to be your wingman. Clearly, he had a better time recognizing people’s true intentions than you did, even though you weren’t sure if even Jaebum could have guessed that the reason why Jiho valued you was simply because he needed a picture of you.

“He never told you he was seeing other people?” Mark asked. “Because Jaebum mentioned that you’ve gone on a few dates with that guy.”

You didn’t know Jaebum talked to his friend about you and realizing that finally allowed some warmth into your chest after the endless streams of cold ever since you saw Jiho tonight.

“He never told me he was seeing me,” you replied. “I just assumed he was because, in my mind, the only reason why a guy would ask a girl out for dinner was because it was a date.”

“That’s usually the way it is.”

“Oh, not with photographers, apparently,” you said bitterly as you finally raised the wine glass to your lips and finished nearly half of it in one gulp. “Anyway. Is Jaebum here somewhere?”

“I don’t think so,” Mark shrugged. “He didn’t tell me he was coming.”

“Oh,” you voice deflated. “He said he was going out with a friend and I assumed he meant you. Nevermind then.”

“No, actually, I haven’t seen him since you two came to my bar together,” he said, noticing a customer staring at him aggressively from across the bar. “Hold on for a moment, will you?”

You nodded, letting him go off to work as you did calculations in your mind. Jaebum had told you he was going to stay over at a friend’s place after he found out you met up with Suji, and then he said he was out with a friend again tonight – all of those times you’d assumed it was Mark he was talking about.

You didn’t know why you felt so upset that it wasn’t. Knowing where Jaebum was specifically was somehow calming – you knew where to find him if you ever needed him for whatever reason and you’d thought the two of you have gotten into a habit of always letting the other person know where you were. But now you came to learn that Jaebum obviously had friends you didn’t know about.

God, there were so many things you learned tonight. Most important of which was that you needed to stop making assumptions about everything. Clearly, there was a lot you had no clue about. Like the way guys’ minds worked, for example.

“Alright,” Mark announced, coming back to stop in front of you behind the bar again. “Sorry, that guy insisted he’s been waiting for his whiskey for thirty minutes now, even though there’s no way because I saw him come in five minutes ago—anyway. What do you need Jaebum for?”

You looked down at the reflection of the ceiling lights on your wine glass.

Your mind had returned to the night you’d gotten back from seeing Suji and accidentally climbed into Jaebum’s bed with him. You were upset about making Suji cry with your words – however honest they were –  and Jaebum managed to make you feel better by barely doing anything. He didn’t even know the reason why so many different emotions had been brewing inside of you that night, but he didn’t ask. He just threw his arm over you and forced you to go to sleep.

Maybe he had a feeling that you just needed comfort and he was so tired that he was actually willing to provide it for you. Or maybe he just wanted you to shut up and let him go back to sleep. Either way, sleeping next to him did wonders for your exhausted mind.

Maybe you were looking for that kind of comfort again.

Sighing, you looked up at Mark again, finally answering him, “I don’t know.”

But Mark was smiling at you as if he knew the answer even though you said you didn’t.

“I could call him,” he suggested. “He might be with Jackson but I don’t think either of them turns their phone off.”

“Thanks, but there’s no need,” you replied, finishing the rest of your wine and putting the glass down as you replayed Mark’s last sentence in your mind again. “Who’s Jackson, though?”

“One of Jaebum’s friends,” Mark explained, “he’s from the sort of family that has the money and the intelligence to be into all different kinds of art, so, naturally, Jaebum and him are friends. I think Jackson does something with photography,” he had to pause because you groaned, already having had enough of photographers for one day, despite being one yourself. Mark chuckled at that, continuing, “I won’t elaborate on that then. His family also owns a recording studio. I know Jackson lets Jaebum record there for free.”

This made the wine you’ve consumed fizzle and die down as you raised your eyebrows in surprise, not getting a chance to get drunk because this news seemed to sober you right up.

“He’s recorded songs before?” you asked.

You had thought Jaebum was just dreaming of making it as a singer, not actually actively pursuing that dream. When he’s told you he’s written a couple of songs back in the day, you’ve assumed that this was where it ended. You didn’t realize he actually recorded those songs in a professional studio.

“Yeah,” Mark confirmed. “I never really asked to listen to his songs and he never really offered. He only talked about them because I brought it up. He’s kind of weird about his music like that.”

“He is,” you nodded, already knowing that Jaebum never gloated about his songs, always feeling almost shy whenever the topic turned to them. “I never knew he had recorded actual music, though. Wow. That’s good. I’m proud of him.”

A smile appeared on Mark’s face. “Tell him that and maybe he’ll let you listen to them.”

“Oh, I intend to bother him about it until he plays me something,” you promised, making Mark laugh. You felt yourself smile as well, the excitement of hearing about Jaebum’s music making you postpone your worrying about all that had happened tonight. “Maybe that’s exactly the reason why he never told me about it.”

Another few wine glasses later, you were almost ready to share your entire life story with Mark, so you figured it was finally time to get home. You didn’t feel too drunk to walk – you never really did – but Mark insisted on calling you a cab, telling you that Jaebum would kill him if he let you walk home in a state like this although you didn’t see why Jaebum would care about something like that. You were sure he’d get a good laugh if he found out how you crawled home on all fours.

Your mind cleared a little in the cab ride back to your apartment and by the time you climbed up the stairs to your floor, the only after-effect of alcohol that was left was the giddiness. You couldn’t help the smile on your face as you unlocked the door, excited to tell Jaebum how proud of him you were. Maybe you’d even hug him while you begged him to let you hear his music.

The apartment was completely dark and you were starting to worry Jaebum was sleeping already. You didn’t think you were drunk enough to claim to accidentally get into his bed again.

Carefully stumbling into the kitchen, you turned the light on there, deciding to get yourself a water bottle while you came up with your plan of action. You might have to wait until the morning to tell Jaebum how happy you were that he was doing something with his passion because the longer you stayed in the apartment, the more you got convinced that he wasn’t asleep, but, actually, hadn’t even gotten home yet.

When you checked your phone – and noticed that it was just minutes before midnight – you found one text from Jaebum, letting you know that he was going to stay out for longer than he’d planned and telling you that you shouldn’t wait up for him.

And then, as you stood there, all alone in your kitchen, a water bottle in your hand, the excitement you’d felt slowly started to morph into anxiety. It was like the worries you’ve neglected after Mark had mentioned Jaebum’s music all poured down on you again. It was almost unfair how, as soon as you allowed yourself to get comfortable in the false sense of security, the real world always smacked you right in the face like heavy rain did after you’ve spent hours walking under a protective bridge.

You knew you couldn’t have expected Jaebum to always be there for you, he had plenty of problems of his own – none of which you were going to be dealing with, by the way; you were truly done with intervening -- even if he didn’t tell you about them. However, now you were starting to wonder – basing your assumptions completely on the tone of his voice despite knowing how wrong it was to judge someone’s feelings based on written text – if you’ve made Jaebum feel responsible for you. Perhaps he felt as though you’ve trapped him and now he was forced to listen to your issues and help you deal with them and, clearly, he didn’t want to do that hence why he told you not to wait up for him.

You didn’t want to depend on him that badly and you didn’t want him to think that you constantly needed his reassurances and comforting words to survive whenever something seemed to crush your very soul. You wanted your friendship with him to come naturally. You didn’t want to force him to talk to you, you wanted him to want to talk to you.

But perhaps this was just you and your inherent assumption-making accompanied by an alcohol-induced paranoia. Perhaps, after getting so scared you’d lose the connection you’ve had with Jaebum after you met up with Suji, you never got over that even after the two of you had made up and now your fear was starting to manifest itself everywhere. Perhaps your analysis of his message was just another form of overthinking – maybe Jaebum just had other plans tonight and that was it. He wasn’t trying to stay away from home on purpose. He really had no way of knowing about how wrong your meeting with Jiho went, after all.

But, perhaps, just like you’ve been wrong about Jiho’s real intentions and had convinced yourself that he was dating you, now you were convincing yourself that all was fine between you and Jaebum when that just wasn’t likely. Was Jaebum really the kind of person who forgave easily after all that he’d experienced with his ex-girlfriend? Would he really just forget and move past something that was, more or less, a betrayal of his trust?

You didn’t know anything anymore.

Sighing, you put the water bottle down and allowed yourself a moment of pointless staring into the darkness outside of your window, listening to the last few beats of your heart before you headed to bed, ready to forget everything about today.

Worrying about the future was too exhausting so you didn’t want to think about what you’d have to say to Jiho when you saw him again. Similarly, staying in the past was too unhealthy so you didn’t want to keep on replaying your last conversation with Jaebum to see if you’d catch glints of doubt and suspicion in his words.

But living in the present was not much better and -- with Jaebum not here -- you did not know where to go.

    chapter directory

[scentedbygunpowder]

Moms Made Fullmetal Week, 2019 Day 5: Comfort/Anger/Release Word Count: 2816 Author: Katie/Ally (scentedbygunpowder) Rating: G Characters: Mama Havoc (Marie), Jean Havoc, Papa Havoc (Thomas); Mentions: Havoc siblings and relations, Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye, Heymans Breda Summary: Marie Havoc considered herself a good mother. But that didn’t mean that it was always easy. And when her eldest son is facing his toughest challenge yet, Marie has to figure out what it means to be a good mother in these circumstances.

~*~

Comfort/Anger/Release

Marie Havoc considered herself to be a good mother. Her children seemed to consider her that too. But sometimes she had no idea what a good mother would do for her children. That was especially true now.

Marie stood behind the counter of the Havoc general store and watched. Her eyes stayed glued to her eldest son as he—well, she couldn’t really say “stood” any more could she?—outside where the little ones from around were playing. He was tossing a ball around with them, the kids begging him to throw it as far as he could, and he would throw it hard, sending it further away than anyone else could. The kids delightedly chased after the ball laughing and scrambling after it. Jean laughed too, but as the kids ran off, part of the light in his eyes died. It might not have been as obvious to anyone else, but a mother knew.

“Ma—you’re gonna get a wrinkle between yer eyes if ya don’t stop that.”

Marie’s attention snapped back from the window and to her daughter, who was grinning up at her from where she was replacing some of the stock they kept in the front of the counter. Her hand flew up to her forehead. “Was I doin’ it again?”

Bethany straighten up and nodded. “Yes ma’am. Ya had that look again, the one ya get when ya look at Jean when ya think he’s not lookin’.” She looked out the window at him, too, as the kids ran around back and he wheeled after them, and put her hand over her mother’s. “He knows, ya know. He’s not always the sharpest tool in the shed, but Jean’s observant. He knows how ya worry.”

Marie smiled at Bethany and gave her hand a pat. “It’s a mother’s job to worry,” she said. “Especially when her child’s been through somethin’. Mind the store, will ya?”

Bethany nodded, and walked behind the counter, switching places with her mother. Marie walked towards the back of the store, and through the back, into their home. This store had been here a long time, and when it had been built, it had been built with the store in the front, and the house attached in the back. It was both a blessing and a curse at time, but Marie didn’t give much thought to it anymore. It was as it was, and she had accepted it when she had married Thomas. Right now it afforded her a quick trip into her domain—the kitchen.

There were a few dishes left in the sink, and she set to them, cleaning them up and giving her hands something to do. She needed to think for a few moments. He was so sad, her Jean. He had always been active. It had been obvious from early on that he wasn’t going to be the smartest in the bunch of kids. He was by no means stupid, none of her kids were. They were very well educated and made good grades. But Jean had always struggled more with it then her other children, although he never got jealous about it, always happy for his younger siblings when they understood something. Yes, he had had his insecurities about it, but he had bore them quietly, and instead focused on what he was good at.

Jean’s strengths had always lied more in the physical and untestable. The boy had always been active, always moving, always doing things. He never hesitated to stop to help someone, to do what he could for them. He had a big heart, and a way of just knowing when someone needed something, even if he didn’t always know what that something was. He would gladly go out of his way to help a friend however he could. Those were his strengths.

And now, it seemed, that had been stripped from him. He was lost, and he needed to know that he was still useful, still capable, still good. His insecurities had returned, only this time more potent because he was a man now, not a boy, and his ability to stand strong like he was supposed to had been taken from him. He needed to know he was good for more than just answering phones and throwing balls for kids.

Marie’s hand dried the last dish, and she heard that now-familiar sound of wheels across wooden planks. He must have come up the ramp his father and brothers had built for him, and across the porch. She could see him, as he stopped and looked out into the distance. The kids must have gone somewhere he couldn’t anymore, and it must have rankled him. After all, he grew up running around this countryside.

A thought occurred to her, and she leaned out the window. After all, he had always found comfort in her baking. “Jean? Jean, darlin’, can you come give me a hand?”

Jean looked up, a little surprised, but then wheeled his way towards the screened door, pulling it open with its customary creak, and maneuvered his way inside. “Ma? I thought you were watchin’ the store?”

“Bethany’s gonna watch it for a mite. I had the passin’ urge to do some bakin’ before these apples go bad. You know what a waste that would be. But I could use a hand with some of the mixin’. Ya mind givin’ yer old mama a hand with that?”

He gave her a gentle smile, the one that was just for her, and agreed. “You’re not old, Ma. But sure I’ll give you a hand. Dunno how much help I’ll be, but I can try.”

There he went again, disparaging on himself, and Marie just kept her tongue on it. She had been calling him out on it every time, but Thomas had warned her about doing it too much. After all, he had reminded her, she didn’t want to shut down the grieving he had to be doing about his legs and his former life.

But her feelings on that and his Colonel were another story.

“I’m sure you’ll do just fine. Ya always were a mighty help in the kitchen.” She said firmly. She started doling out directions, at first just asking him to do simple things, like measure out ingredients and such, but after a bit she was asking him to get things or do things that she had been doing. He was doing better at it then she was sure he had thought he would, even if there were some areas he wasn’t able to do yet. When they finished, up, she made them both a cup of coffee and they sat at the table, waiting for the apple turnovers to bake.

“—and that was when we figured out that Heymans had a huge fear of dogs!”

Maria laughed as he finished recounting the story to her, enjoying it, even if she had swatted him a bit at the “joke” he had made about eating the poor pup. “Well I can’t say much for that Lady Lieutenant’s namin’ skills, but I bet she takes good care of that pup!”

“Oh yeah. She loves him almost as much as she loves the Colonel—only she can show the dog her love!”

Marie just hummed at the mention of the Colonel, and took a sip of her coffee, letting the story hang for a moment.

“…Hey, Ma?”

She looked back up at him, leaving her thoughts behind. “Yes?”

“…Thanks. For, ya know, this. It was good t’ feel useful again.”

He wasn’t quite looking at her, his pride being his pride, but Marie didn’t mind. She knew her eldest. She reached across and patted his hand.

“I have no idea what in the world yer talking about, Son,” she said. “I just needed a little help, and I knew you could do it.”

He smiled at her, a bit of tension in him releasing, and something in her loosened a bit as well. It wasn’t much, but it was, at least, one form of comfort she could offer her son—the ability to feel useful.

~*~

“Yer makin’ a lot of noise, ya know.” Her husband stood in the doorway of the kitchen, observing his wife as she viciously attacked the dishes from supper, cleaning them with a vengeance.

“I’m fine.” She said firmly.

“No,” Thomas said, “Yer not. And you hide it pretty well, but ya can’t hide if from me.” He frowned, looking her over. “Yer still angry, aren’t ya?”

She practically threw the scrubbing brush she had in her hands in the sink, and turned to face her husband. He moved all the way in, letting the door close behind him, cutting of the sound of their children and a few grandchildren being entertained by the stories that Jean was telling of his time in the military. Good. They needed the barrier.

“Yer dang-near right I’m still mad!” she snapped at him, keeping her voice low. This wasn’t a conversation she wanted Jean to hear. “That Colonel o’ his—that’s all he can talk about! Colonel Mustang this and Colonel Mustang that, ‘n’ how great the man is!”

“He served under him a while, Marie. Jean obviously looks up to him.” Thomas said, moving closer to her. “He made some big kinda impact on him.”

“Oh, yes! Some big kinda impact!” Marie said mockingly, although she wasn’t mocking her husband. “Big enough that he got our son nearly killed ‘n’ disabled ‘n’ there’s nothin’ that can change that! Yet he’s still in there holdin’ out hope fer somethin’!”

“Marie.”

“Dontcha Marie me, Thomas Havoc! If he was so great, then why’d he go ‘n’ let out boy get hurt like that! Why’d he just turn ‘im loose, ‘steada doin’ somethin’ fer him! Why’d he—Why—“

She was trembling, tears starting to burn hot in her eyes and Thomas came up to her, pulling her close to him and holding her in his arms for a moment. She was balled up and hot with anger, but Thomas had always had a calming effect on her.

“Marie, I know yer angry. I am too. But I think yer angry at the wrong person, love,” Thomas said, his voice as calming as his presence. He pulled back a little. “Yer angry at Colonel Mustang, and I understand that. But Mar… That Colonel was hurt too, and he did what he could to save our boy, then risked his life ta rescue that lady lieutenant and a boy, who called for help after that. Ya know he can’t give us all the details, but he’s told us that much.”

Marie was not ready to stop being angry, though. “But he just turned him loose! He didn’t even have the common curtsey ta try ta do somethin’ else for ‘im!”

Thomas took a breath. “Marie. I get why yer mad. I wanna be too. But Jean still respects that Colonel o’ his, and if we wanna help Jean get used ta his new life, then we can’t be mad at the Colonel. He holds him in too high of regard.”

Marie was silent, her jaw working, and she pulled back and turned to the sink again. “…I can’t promise anythin’ soon, but I see yer point, Tom. I’ll try.”

He kissed her head. “Yer a good mother, and a good wife, and I love ya. All I ask is that ya try.”

Marie kept scrubbing on the dishes.

~*~

Marie let out a sigh as she watched Jean talking to this odd man, and listened to the conversation that he was having. He was being really careful not to let anyone else in on it, but they all knew that he was up to something. These orders of weapons and such from Xing over the past months, he promised that he had a buyer for them. He made calls and talked to people, and bit by bit things were ordered and amassed.

He was working again, her boy.

He had purpose again.

And Marie was pretty darn certain just who she had to thank for that.

Her boy and his big heart and drive to help however he could. She huffed a little.

She waited until the man had left, taking a receipt with him to show to Jean’s brothers who were working on the stock so he could get what he needed. Jean seemed to be grinning to himself, clearly satisfied with whatever had just happened.

“Who was that, Jean?” she asked him.

Jean turned to look at her, looking over his shoulder a bit. “No one ta worry ‘bout, Ma. Just one of my special orders.”

She reached for the ledger, flipping through it. “You’ve had lots o’ these special orders lately—and there was that beat up ol’ ice cream truck ya found and sold.”

He reached up and gently tugged the ledger from her hands. “Yeah, well, I think I might have found a good market for ‘em, albeit a temporary one.”

She eyed him. “How temporary?” she asked.

“I promise, Ma, I won’t over buy us, okay? I know they’re expensive, but I promise we’ll get paid in full soon.”

Marie took in a breath and let it out again. “…Jean. Just answer this one question for yer old Ma. I won’t say another word about it all, if you’ll just answer it.”

He looked at her curiously.

“…Does this have somethin’ ta do with that Colonel of yers?”

His eyes widened and he looked away from her, instead wheeling himself closer to the counter. “Ma. Does it really matter? I’ve got us a market and it’ll pay off.” He turned and smiled at her. “So dontcha worry about it, Ma! I promise that it’ll all work out!”

She just looked at him evenly, then nodded, and headed back towards the house and the kitchen. “Mind the store for a mite, will ya?” she asked, although she didn’t wait for an answer. “I’ve got some letters and such to attend to.”

She heard his agreement as she left, turning over the conversation she had just had in her mind. Her hands moved to fix herself a cup of tea, going through the motions without her mind really on it, and she sat at the table, looking at the pile of mail she had to go through. There was one that was marked from an address that she had figured out was one of Jean’s military friends, and she stared at it for a moment, before pushing the pile away.

She still had anger towards Colonel Mustang. How could she not? He was supposed to look after her son! But that anger wasn’t doing her any good. It wasn’t helping to comfort her son. It wasn’t helping to make him better or give him focus again. No, her anger was useless, just bogging her down.

Somehow, it always came back to the Colonel. She didn’t know what Jean saw in him, but whatever it was, it was a powerful motivator. She saw the hand exercises he did. She saw the way that he took to studying more, learning more, even if he sometimes needed to talk it over with someone. She saw the motivation he had to find equipment that would help keep him mobile, and talking his brothers into helping him build it. She saw how this new “project” of his—something that she was sure was all to benefit the Colonel somehow—motivated him to keep going and move forward.

Whatever the Colonel was doing, whatever his aims were, her Jean had been quite impacted by them and they were what drove him forward.

And if she kept this anger towards him, it would drive her and her eldest apart.

Marie took a breath. Then another. Then another.

“Alright,” she said in barely a whispered voice. “Alright. I’ve been a-holding onto this for too long. It’s time to let it go. I need to release this anger if I’m to help my son move forward.”

She sat there, breathing in, thinking about all the reasons she had to be angry with the Colonel, and then releasing them one by one, turning them into the good that she could see in her boy and, eventually, she had gone through them all.

Marie opened her eyes, and looked at her tea. She may not understand it, but if it would bring her son healing and comfort, then she’d release the anger she felt towards the Colonel. Perhaps it was a mother’s misplaced anger, or perhaps it was justified. She wasn’t sure. But if her son could get himself together and move on, then so could she. That way she could stay by his side the whole way, supporting him where she could.

After all, what else could a good mother do?