#I get so sad when people put him down for not looking like Robert Redford :( he’s debonair in his own special way!!!

[telephonicsonnyboy]

Some very handsome Woodward moments, for your consideration…

[dmydfilmreviews]

DRUNK RANKING OF FIFTY MARVEL SHITHEADS

 The villains are all rubbish aren’t they? Well whatever, fuck if there’s more than fifty they’re not worth remembering, let’s go now SPOILERS

50. CHRISTOPHER ECCLESTON HAVING NO FUN

49. SOME BIG BULL GUY WHO’S NOT CALLED SCOURGE

48. FUCKING TASERFACE

Oh my God this is the shittest joke and they know it, it just goes on and on and on. Bradley Cooper’s awful in this bit too and he’s usually great

42. NOT THE MANDARIN

Bald

46. BIG BLUE MAN CALLED LAWFI

Was he Loki’s dad or something? Well done for that I guess. Did he die? I don’t know

46. THE DESTROYER

Big Dildo

47. GO FISH HENCHMAN

HOT

37. THE SOVEREIGN

Loads of Guardians 2 is boring and annoying and these guys are boring and annoying

45. KORATH

WHO?

47. SCOURGE

Yeah, yeah you’re supposed to love him or whatever but he’s a big afterthought. What was up with that shot of him slinking away with the people on the bridge all hooded or whatever? He sucks, nobody likes him

46. TWO SHOCKERS

YOU GET A SHOCKER, YOU GET A SHOCKER, YOU GET A SHOCKER one of them is Bokeem Woodbine, who has the coolest name in the world and deserved much better

37. THE VIDEOGAMEY PEOPLE FROM INFINITY WAR

Great movie, video-gamey looking people

45. THE TERRIBLE TINKERER

Seems like a cool guy. The actor is in everything!

45. RONAN

A VERY SHOUTY WASTE TWICE NOW

44. HERR STRUCKER IT’S THE AVENGERS

Very funny lines revolve around him but it’s probably good he got done offscreen we don’t need to give Nazis anymore airtime

34. MICKEY ROURKE

Oh for fucks sake

33. SONNY BIRCH?

Sonny BITCH

31. BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH DICKING AROUND WITH CGI AGAIN

Very underwhelming (like a lot of Doctor Strange) for what should have been a huge amazing satan like threat or whatever. It is fun to hear benedict cumbernaut say his name over and over again though DORRRMOOMOOOO

34. CROSSBONES STYLE

I DON’T FUCK LIKE THAT NO MORE

45. MADS MIKKAELSON

forever horny

47. GHOST

Not really a villain and kind of rubbish effects but a trier or whatever

47. BATROC ZE LEAPER

It is AMAZING that they got this guy in seriously google him

27. JUDE LAW AND THE BLUE BALL BUNCH

Yoghurt? A nice avatar for the myriad failures of the shittest gender

39. ALEXANDER PIERCE

HE’S ROBERT REDFORD!

38. SURTUR

BIG MONSTERRRRRRR! Does exactly what he says on the tin

40. ABOMINATION

Oh my god tim roth tries so, so hard but he just ends up looking like a big claggy poo. Roth’s a real slimy ratbag for the rest of the movie though, good effort, underrated

52. GENERAL ROSS

What a knob, don’t you ever get tired of being wrong? A poohead

41. JUSTIN HAMMER

A lot of fun, they should bring him back. Looks like he sleeps with a lot of sex workers and cries a lot

41. NOT THE MANDARIN TWO

Great, cocky, has absolutely fucking horrible shoes. A dirty man

29. A MAN CALLED ‘DARREN CROSS’ WHO SQUASHES A LAMB

Oh man this guy is so fucking good and terrible! He squashes someone into like a disgusting bubble of flesh and he also looks like he cries a lot and I think he wears a leather jacket at some point. Amazing. Bald

19. SUPREME ANNETTE BENING

What a sassy fucking bitch she looked like she was having a great time in that nirvana concert dream place, rocks a leather jacket way better than ‘darren cross’. Skillful

39. EGG

I don’t know what the fucking hell was going on here but they wasted KURT RUSSELL but still, it’s KURT RUSSELL LOOK AT THAT BEARRD

22. NOT THE MANDARIN 3

This guy is genuinely funny and the only good thing Ben Kinglsey had done in like fifty eight years and it was amazingly funny how it pissed off a load of twats. It’s better than the comics!

10. JEFF BRIDGES

Oh, you know the line. What a line. Bald. Says ‘hold still ya little prick’ to tony at one point and there’s a bit where he wears pyjamas in a really pissed off way. And he rides a Segway. Incredible.

26. ARNIN ZOLA

This is a hell of a performance, both times. Toby Jones is always amazing and he’s amazing here, a perfect comic-booky little nazi turd who’s horrible and can’t stand it when tommy lee jones chews a steak in front of him. He’s so good. And then in winter soldier he’s even fucking creepier! That is hella design work! Love it

14. TALOS SLURPS A SMOOTHIE

Ok he’s not really bad but he seems like a great guy who you’d love to hang out with. He also beats the SHIT out of Samuel l Jackson in that library or whatever and he can become anyone else on this list so he can be like Sam Rockwell with Toby Jones’ dick or whatever, if that’s what you want. Ben Mendellsohn is the GOAT

28 and 29. TWINSIES

Again, not really bad but they’re bad for a while. They’re Avengers, of course they’re cool. Joss Whedon seems to like looking down her dress too much though, seriously it happens all the time, come on

12. NEBULA

NOT BAD AGAIN but while she is bad she’s great, she’s the only actress who realizes how funny it is that she’s SHOUTING ALL THE TIME. And she’s all clicky, it’s disgusting

11. KLAW

Andy Serkis is having a FUCKING BALL in these movies BRING HIM BACK

10. JEFF GOLDBLUM

Hahahahahaha

9. RED SKULL

Just like the comics. Horny boy.

8. WINTER SOLDIER

Scary as fuck

7. THE VULTURE

Everything homecoming does is fucking great and taking a shitty pile of shit like the vulture and making him great is one of the bestthings. Actually relatable, actually a great guy, fuck tony stark, even his design is amazing with that jacket and those little eyes and his huge scary rig. Fucking Michael Keaton man. Give the vulture his own movie. Bad dad.

6. HELA

SISSY THAT WALK

5. ZEMO

WHOOO HE’S NOT A CHARACTER HE’S THE AVENGERS OWN FAILINGS AND LIMITATIONS GIVEN FORRRMMMMM WHOOOOOOO

4. KILLMONGER

Should have had more screentime and suffers from some wonky plot issues but hell, still. The most compelling, real-world grounded villain they have and a complete monster but still, so, so sad and kind of right. This one burns

3. ULTRON

A huge sexy ass, a fascinating mass of deranged AI and tony stark’s failings and fucked up rubbish humankind not being able to sort itself out. Acts like an absolutely terrifying child through the whole thing and a huge prick by the end. But you still feel sorry for him. His final exchange with the vision is one of the most beautiful, poetic things ever written for the whole MCU.

2. LOKI

A hero. But also, what a villain.

1.       THANOS

The terrifying embodiment of failure and inevitability, but also somehow a multi-faceted and intriguing character in his own right. Infinity War is his movie, and he’s a huge piece of shit but you somehow feel sorry for him. A triumph of writing, performance and design, his battle on Titan is one of the most incredible realisations of comic book superpower fighting ever put on screen. Terrifying. There’s no way Endgame is going to fuck him up. Also: Daddy.

1.       GREGG TURKINGTON

Yeah he’s too by the book but he’s actually the universes’ biggest hero IF HE HADN’T HAVE FIRED ANT MAN FROM BASKIN AND ROBBINS THEN NONE OF THAT SHIT WOULD HAVE EVER HAPPENED AND THEY WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO GO TO THE QUANTUM REALM IN ENDGAME LIKE THEY’RE GOING TO AND THANOS WOULD HAVE WON FOREVER A TRUE HERO FIVE BAGS OF POPCORN BRING BACK THE HOBBIT

POPULAR MOVIES THAT SPEND AGES BUILDING UP THEIR HEROES INTO CHARACTERS YOU WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH ARE NATURALLY NOT GOING TO HAVE AS MUCH TIME TO BUILD UP THEIR VILLAINS THE END

[everemmanuelle]

The night we met.

BRAD

I hated being home. I hated that this cold and empty Hollywood Hills house was now my 'home'. I spent most of my free days riding my motorbike, letting the roar of the engine drown out my thoughts. I missed my family. I even missed Angie. Though, if I were being honest with myself, not nearly as much as I thought I would.

I rode all across Los Angeles. I rode out to the desert. Joshua Tree. Death Valley. I didn't have any work to keep me busy. Not for a few weeks at least. Most of my friends were off working. George was busy with Amal. Cate, David, Ed... everyone was busy. They knew about the breakup, though the public didn't yet. They'd offered me their sympathy. I needed something more than that. I needed a distraction. I needed to get laid.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. I slowed down to a stop and took a look. My manager, Cynthia, wanted to know if I was going to the event tonight. I'd forgotten. Julia had invited me a few weeks ago to the opening party of this new restaurant and bar that she and her husband had invested in. I'd told her I'd go. I was sure I'd be fine by then. I hadn't been out much since Angie had kicked me out of the house we'd shared. Maybe this was just the time. Maybe I'd meet someone who would scratch that itch. Or maybe I'd feel worse than I already did. It didn't seem likely.

I texted her back that I'd be there. I rode home to get ready. I looked at myself in the mirror. This was 53, I thought. My hair had started to grey. I had wrinkles all around my eyes. At least I'd kept fit. Robert Redford was what? 80 now? He looked alright. Should I shave? I touched my chin. I'd let a short beard grow. My hair was short, a little messy. It'd do. I showered, changed into a pair of grey trousers and a grey button down. I put on some black dress shoes and organised a car to take me.

HAVEN

"I don't wanna go!" I whined. I'd already agreed. I'd already drank the required amount of pre-drinking alcohol that Cali had laid out for me. I was tipsy.  But it wasn't the good kind. It was the kind that reminded me how sad I was that my boyfriend of the last six months had dumped me for gaining a few extra pounds. Even if it was for work. I'd always been a little too curvy for the industry as a model. But a few more pounds, my agent assured me, would put me on top of the plus size modelling industry. If it meant I got to eat dessert now and then, I was all for it. Leo, however, was not. In his words, "I can't be seen dating a fat chick."

"We're going," Cali said, pulling me up off the lounge. "You look so good. It's gonna be so much fun. You can meet someone to take your mind off Leo."

"I don't want to meet anybody," I argued. "I want to stay home and watch Netflix."

"And waste this good buzz?" she asked. "My agent got me two tickets to this thing. It's too late to find someone else. I am not going alone. Get your ass up!" Cali was a budding actress. She had talent and she worked hard but she needed the luck meets opportunity part of the equation. She was a friend from back home and we just so happened to be moving to LA at the same time a year or so ago. Rooming together seemed the reasonable thing to do. She quickly became the best friend I'd ever had.

I groaned. She was right. I was being selfish. I needed to snap out of it. Leo didn't deserve my sadness. He was an asshole. I knew I shouldn't date a guy whose last hundred girlfriends were skinny blondes. But he'd asked. I was beyond flattered. Romeo and Juliet was my favourite movie as a young girl. How could I say no? Well I regretted it now, didn't I?

"Okay," I said, rising, shaking off the melancholy and making sure I hadn't messed my black beaded mini dress with spillage or creasing. I was good. "Let's go."

"Are you sure?" Cali asked, as annoyed as she'd be if I bailed, she didn't want to be a bad friend and force me out when I wasn't ready.

I didn't want to be a bad friend either and bail at the last minute. She needed to network. I needed to leave the house. I nodded. "Let's go."

BRAD

Jesus Christ. Who the hell is that? She's young, I thought. But sexy as hell. My cock throbbed within seconds of looking at those eyes. I couldn't see what colour they were. She was too far away. But they were piercing. She caught me looking. I looked away. 

Not smart. Really not fucking smart. You came to this party to find someone to fuck and she was not the one, I thought. She can't have been more than 22. I was almost double her age. But that body. In Hollywood, a girl with some flesh on her bones was harder to find than a cocaine-free surface. Who was she, I wondered. An actress? A model? She had to be something like that. She was too pretty to be a nobody.

HAVEN

Brad Pitt. Brad fucking Pitt. He was looking right at me. Why the hell was he looking at me? We were in a room filled with Los Angeles' most beautiful women and Brad fucking Pitt was looking at me. And, looking embarrassed to have been caught in the act. And yet, he looked at me again.

"Cali?" I asked. She was chatting with another actress from her agency. "Cali!" I pressed.

She turned to me, annoyed. "What?" she hissed.

"Is he looking at me?"

Cali looked around, confused. I watched the confusion turn to shock as her eyes widened and mouth dropped. "Is that Brad Pitt?"

"Yes, is he looking?" I asked.

"He was," she answered. "He just looked again," she said excitedly.

I turned back and he was still looking. He smiled a little. I smiled back. I turned back to Cali. "Oh my god."

"You have all the fucking luck! Go over there," she said.

"Are you insane? I can't just go approach Brad Pitt."

"Why the hell not?" she asked. "I'll do it."

She was always much braver than me. That must've been the actress in her. She could do anything if she was pretending to be someone else. "No," I said, shaking my head. I glanced back at him. He was chatting to Julie Roberts. Pffft. No way could I go over there.

BRAD

I could barely followed along with what Julia was saying. Something about drama with the head chef. I just nodded, looking intermittently over at the beautiful girl. She looked intermittently at me too. No way could I approach a girl that age. That would be way too creepy. Julia excused herself as Rhys, an old acting buddy of mine, came to say hello.  "How are you?" he asked as he shook my hand.

"Good, how are you?" I asked.

"Yeah, good," he answered. "What have you been up to?"

I rattled on about nothing particular. He'd heard about the projects I had coming up. He told me about his. I asked after his kids and he asked after mine. And, Angie. I reluctantly told him that we were over. "Sorry man. That sucks."

I nodded. I looked back over to the girl. He followed my gaze. Shit.

"You looking at Haven Roser?" he asked.

"Who?" I asked.

"Haven Roser," he answered. "The model? Long dark hair. Massive tits." They weren't massive. They were proportional to her body. Angie was straight as a board. I'd loved her body but I missed curves.

"Never heard of her," I answered, hoping he wouldn't go on.

"She's dating Leo," he said. "Ah. There he is."

I looked over to see Leonardo DiCaprio in his usual newsboy cap, approaching her where she sat with a few other girls. He never did have a problem dating the young ones. Damn.

"Not his usual type but I'd fuck her," Rhys went on. Sure. As if she'd let him near her. He was as greasy as they came. I struggled to remember why we'd been friends as he went on about his latest conquests. I looked around the room for other women. I still had an itch that needed scratching. But I couldn't tear my eyes away from her. Haven. 

HAVEN

What the fuck? Why is he here? I swallowed as he walked right over to me.  "Haven," he said, a question on his lips.

"Leo," I said back.

"What are you doing here?" I could barely hear him. I stood up. "What are you doing here?" he repeated.

"I'm having a drink..." I answered, showing him my half empty glass.

He smiled straight and unhappy. "This isn't really your scene."

I furrowed my brows. "What does that mean?"

"It's an industry party," he continued.

"It's a restaurant opening," I argued. Cali and her friend were looking up at us then. I looked over to Brad, he was watching as well.

"Come here for a sec?" he asked, pulling at my arm, leading us into the corridor leading to the exit.

I pulled my arm from his grip. He'd never handled me like that before. In the six months we'd spent together he could be a little inattentive but he'd never manhandled me. Any part of him that was ever sweet to me seemed to have vanished from his personality. "What?" I asked.

"These are my people. You should go."

I laughed a little. Was he serious? "I was here first," I argued. "You should go."

He scoffed. I saw Brad approaching from behind Leo. He clapped a hand on his shoulder. God, he was even better looking up close. I lost my breath a little. Leo was nothing compared to Brad. Not now, not ever. "Leo," he said in greeting.

"Brad," Leo said, the charm switched on. This was the guy that asked me out. Oozing charm. "How are you?"

"Good," he said, before turning to me. "Hi."

"I hoped I'd see you here. Quentin told me you're in?" Leo asked.

"I am," Brad answered. He looked like he was waiting to be introduced to me. Leo seemed to have no plans to do that. "I'm Brad," he said, taking the initiative.

I shook his hand. Woah. His hand was warm. His touch electric. It shot straight through me. I took a breath. "Haven," I said, letting it out.

"Don't bother," Leo said. "She's no one."

No one. Six months and I was no one. I'd met all his friends as his girlfriend. We'd slept together. We'd gone for a weekend to Mexico together. I was a model with a relative amount of fame in my own right. No one? And he said it in front of Brad fucking Pitt. I mustered up the barest of smiles for Brad whose expression was unreadable and walked out the exit.

I was so embarrassed. I couldn't go back in there. I took out my phone and sent a text.

To Cali: I had to go. Don't be mad.

Hers came back quick.

Cali: I get it. See you at home x

I put my phone away as a figure appeared beside me. I turned to find Brad Pitt standing inches from me. What was that smell? Was that him? He smelled good. Like the barest amount of an oaky cologne and a touch of whiskey on his breath when he spoke. "Hi."

"Hi," I said back. It was all I could manage.

"He's a dick," Brad continued, with half a shrug. I smiled. He swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing. Was he nervous, too? "Do you want to go for a drink?" he asked.

Oh my god. Yes. Yes. Fuck yes. Brad Pitt? "Yeah," I said, hoping my voice wouldn't betray the sheer joy I was experiencing.

He smiled a little, walked over to the street and hailed an approaching taxi. he held open the back door. "After you."

https://www.wattpad.com/story/176006419-brad-brad-pitt-x-katherine-langford-complete VOTED #2 IN BRAD PITT FANFIC

[oscar-isaacs-number-one-bitch]

The 3rd Annual Redford Awards - Winners

Hello, everyone, and welcome to what I’m calling “The Redfords,” named so because (as of this posting) the great Robert Redford has retired from acting, and naming these after him this time around felt like a decent way to honor that screen legacy, even though the name for what is basically the awards show I would run if it were my Oscars changes every year anyway, and it will likely change again for the 2019 awards (though definitely into something more permanent, I promise this time). It has been a long and arduous road getting here, so much so that I actually had to push back the announcement of these winners from the intended date by a day due to both scheduling issues and the greater context of what truly deserves Best Picture being really, really hard to parse out this time around, especially considering that the actual value of Best Picture has come to mean substantively more to me this year than in any year past what with the presence of Black Panther in the category at the actual Oscars and all that that means going forward for the broader culture. Still, I did manage to choose one; the awards have been completed, the winners have been chosen, and it is now finally time to announce the winners for the third annual Redford Awards.

 Best Sound Design: First Man

Usually when I do these things, I tend to just capitalize or italicize who the winner is as I post the nomination list a second time, but the fact is I already posted the nominees once (if you need a refresher I will post a link to them with this announcement) and I don’t want to take up a bunch of space being redundant when I could instead say something nice about the winners and explain why I chose them specifically. Suffice it to say even though First Man didn’t rake in what it should have at the box office relative to quality, its sound design was undoubtedly the most impressive thing about it apart from every element of the lunar sequence coalescing into a truly jaw-dropping stretch of filmmaking. The sound design, yes, did also contribute to that stretch, but First Man is also the movie of 2018 that did its sound the best all the way through, even considering that while A Quiet Place’s whole thing is pretty much built around sound, it’s more about the sound editing than the sound mixing, and one half of a victory won’t win you the whole thing.

 Best Visual Effects: Avengers: Infinity War

This one is generally pretty self-explanatory, but basically the central conceit behind picking a winner is not necessarily that it has the most visual effects, but that it has the ones you either don’t see or forget are visual effects during the movie because they make it believable that any of what’s happening is even possible. This year, sure, that happens to be the same movie, but what can you say? It deserves the prize, and I’m more than happy to give it out.

Best Screenplay: Daveed Diggs & Rafael Casal, Blindspotting

The Oscars had a decent line-up of screenplay nominations this year, but considering the sheer volume of immensely creative scripts they had to choose from, most of them are fairly mediocre choices, with the likes of Sorry to Bother You and even Bo Burnham’s critical hit Eighth Grade being left out of the conversation, which is a real bummer considering Original Screenplay was Eighth Grade’s best shot for any Academy Award nomination. Perhaps the most overlooked, though, even in terms of what people were saying should be nominated in the Original Screenplay category, is absolutely Blindspotting. This script is about as sharp as they come, with witty, insightful commentary on socio-political issues, characters that you grow to care about, enough comedy to keep the whole thing going without feeling too much like a drag, and one of the most creative, original, and tense climaxes to a movie not only of 2018, but of the past decade.

 Best Original Score: Justin Hurwitz, First Man

Future film lovers, and specifically film music lovers, will not look back kindly at the Academy’s decision to not even nominate this at the Oscars in this category. Justin Hurwitz’ score for first man is, both paired with the film and taken on its own merits, the most bold, unapologetic, and strangely unwieldy score of all of 2018, and while I do love Nicholas Britell (who should have won for Moonlight, by the way), this is the year that Hurwitz proved to all of us that yeah, he actually is the real deal.

 Best Cinematography: Alfonso Cuarón, Roma

Just about anyone in my immediate sphere (in fact, even most people out of it) is already aware of the Academy’s decision to air this category (as well as editing, makeup, and short live-action film) during the commercial breaks at the Oscars, how stupid a decision it was, and how it’s been reverse due to film professional, critical, and general audience backlash, so I’m not going to get into those here because it’ll take too much time, and other people have ways of explaining it better than me anyway, so I’d recommend reading one of those posts/twitter threads/whatever. But yeah, let’s not play too much with our food; by far the best shot movie of the entire year is the one the writer and director of Children of Men and Gravity shot himself without the assistance of his usual go-to guy, Emmanuel Lubezki. The black and white brings a sharpness to the picture not often seen, the long, sweeping shots of life for Yalitza Aparicio’s Cleo as well as the city she lives in are well-staged and executed, and it’s all handled so smoothly you’d be forgiven for thinking this one was shot by an actual perfectionist A.I. or something. Seriously, folks, it’s stunning to look at.

 Best Editing: Barry Alexander Brown, BlacKkKlansman

Studying film more and more over the years of doing this movie critic thing just because I want to and enjoy it has given me a lot more appreciation for the nature of film editing. A perfectly time cut or a long, unbroken sequence that’s well-shot will sometimes do the trick, and occasionally it’s more about what you don’t notice, but sometimes the best editing is just in how it feels to watch a movie strut its style and stick in your memory, and no film in 2018 did that like BlaKkKlansman.

 Best Character Design: Ruth E. Carter, Black Panther

This category is really a combination of the Makeup & Hairstyling and Costume Design categories at the Oscars, made so in large part because I don’t understand enough about how much make-up and hairstyling impacts an overall movie (unless it’s like, really drastic, like Shape of Water fish suit drastic) and they’re both extremely important elements contributing to an audience’s overall impression of a character without said character even talking or doing anything. Presenting the whole package as one unit also acknowledges the aesthetic choices involved in a character’s overall look, and I like that, so that’s how I made it. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse very nearly took this category for how beautifully and differently rendered most of its characters were (especially the titular ones), but ultimately I think this one should go to Black Panther, not just because African tribalism and the clothing therein is a refreshing thing to see presented on screen in such vibrant and prideful fashion, but also because adapting costumes from comics into live-action is far more challenging than it sounds, and the fact that they pulled it off this well is something to commend.

 Best Production Design: Eugenio Caballero, Roma

I was really tempted to go with Crazy Rich Asians on this one, but I soon realized that I was continuously thinking of this the same way most people probably think about visual effects: that the best production design meant the most production design. And while the production design in Crazy Rich Asians is beautiful and vibrant and deserves praise, it didn’t necessarily give the audience a whole lot of information about the characters beyond how rich Nick’s family actually is. Roma, on the other hand, had five entire blocks of Mexico City built from scratch based solely on its director’s memory, with not a single misplaced building, prop, or set piece in its entirety. Maybe there’s just something special about that that hits me harder than the design for Crazy Rich Asians did, but I also think it was the best production design in service of its story (both thematically and narratively) in 2018.

 Best Supporting Actress: Rachel Weisz, The Favourite

And now we’re into the acting categories, the final stretch of road on the way to crowning that Best Picture winner I agonized over for almost an entire month. Marina de Tavira’s fantastic turn in Roma almost stole this one out from under Rachel Weisz, but like the viper she is in The Favourite, Weisz bit down hard and came out the other side with a Redford in her hands. It’s honestly astound how well she commands the screen in this movie (and a little bit scary), but it is all the more impressive when put next to the caliber of performances her co-stars are giving and allowed to shine just the tiniest bit brighter.

 Best Supporting Actor: Ben Foster, Leave No Trace

No one except critics online talked about Leave No Trace during awards season, and I’m sad about it. That’s not the reason I’m giving it an award, but I just wanted to put that out there for good measure. Truthfully though, this is a fantastic performance once again from an increasingly underrated and undervalued actor (perhaps the best he’s ever been), and the best supporting performance from any male actor in 2018. I really do hope that sometime soon, the Academy and everyone else will finally give Ben Foster the recognition he deserves beyond his Hell or High Water nomination a few years ago.

 Best Actress: Olivia Colman, The Favourite

Most, if not all, critics and general audiences (including myself) peg this award as going to Glenn Close at the Oscars this year for her performance in The Wife; however, I haven’t seen that movie, so I can’t nominate her for an award in an awards package that I personally put together, but best of luck to her at the ceremony. Despite her absence, there’s still an absurdly strong field of nominees, and none stronger than Olivia Colman’s performance as Queen Anne in The Favourite. She genuinely makes every single moment she’s on screen feel like something she, and only she, could believably do, wordlessly running the gambit from hilariously emotional to genuinely terrifying and making it all seem true.

 Best Actor: Christian Bale, Vice

I don’t love this movie nearly as much as the Academy does, but the one thing we do both agree on about it is that Christian Bale absolutely stuns as former VP Dick Cheney, though a little help from the makeup department didn’t hurt and they’re sure to win that award at the actual Oscars ceremony. Plenty of other actors gave admirable performances in 2018, especially Bradley Cooper and Rami Malek (who also happens to be the best thing about his mediocre movie that no one seems to recognize is mediocre), but none of them ever truly became their characters quite the way that Christian Bale did with this terrifyingly accurate portrayal of perhaps the most powerful vice president ever to set foot in the White House.

 Best Director: Spike Lee, BlaKkKlansman

Yes, absolutely, Alfonso Cuarón will be winning this one at the Oscars and probably deserves it more from the Academy’s perspective, but Roma relies on more than just the direction to keep it going. So does BlaKkKlansman I suppose, but the point is that the latter is fueled by its direction while the earlier is more guided. Both are spectacular feats and truly fantastic jobs done by both Cuarón and Spike Lee, but if BlaKkKlansman doesn’t have Lee’s fingerprints all over it, the entire thing could cascade and fall apart as a movie, whereas Roma might be okay but just might not look as pretty and feature a few more cuts; and that is why I’m giving Spike Lee Best Director.

 Best Picture: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

When people typically think “okay, what is the best movie I saw this year,” they’re usually actually thinking about their favorite because art is a subjective medium in and of itself and there are only so many things you can study and observe about filmmaking and how it all comes together that aren’t subjective inherently, so they can’t really be blamed for it. What’s the best to you may not constitute what the best is to someone else, and it plays out like that with most people, and generally always will. Best Picture in the context of something like the Redfords, then, owes its justification to a few key beliefs I have about what a film I want to call the best of the year might look like; namely, these beliefs are that it should have something to say (whether positive or negative) that resonates with the audience it’s trying to reach, tell its story in an innovative and unique fashion, and set the stage for whatever corner of the medium it occupies to engage in an acceptance for change going forward. The change doesn’t have to be big or even particularly important necessarily, but it should be there nonetheless. This awards system and set of beliefs is often why what I consider the Best Picture of the year for an awards package like this doesn’t usually line up with what my favorite movie of that year actually is. That all being said, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse is what I truly believe to be the best example of this from 2018. It reformed and re-shaped the genre it was in to such a degree that it elevated the status of the animation medium, the message about anyone being able to “wear the mask” of one of the most popular and beloved pop culture icons of all time also being a metaphor for facing fears, accepting yourself, helping others, and being an inspiration to people as you lead by example is a genius move that I can’t believe a theatrically-released, feature-length Spider-Man movie hasn’t attempted before (but is so perfectly suited to animation I guess I understand the hesitancy), and the method by which it told its story was so incredibly unique and innovative that every subsequent attempt to animate the same way this movie does to adapt anything will inevitably be compared to Into the Spider-Verse for the rest of time. That, and the fact that it’s also probably the most widely accessible movie of the three I had running for this award (the other two were Roma and Won’t You Be My Neighbor? for context), make it not only the ideal candidate, but the appropriate choice for the Redford Awards’ title of Best Picture.

 And there you have it, the Redford Awards are now officially complete. I’ll forgive you if you saw the length of this post and just “nope”-d outta there, but for the rest of you who stuck around and read to the very end, thanks for sticking with me all this way, and I hope you enjoyed your read. See you next year!

Link to nominees: https://thefriendlyfilmfan.tumblr.com/post/182203750531/the-3rd-annual-redford-awards-nominees

[occasionalgypsies]

After going to Rockport and Port A in South Texas in Jan/Feb to try and outrun the cold (ahem, it was pretty cool and rainy most days but still, better than the weather in Dallas), our next adventure, just as Texas started to warm right up to comfy poolside temps, was to head off to Santa Fe, NM for all of April!

In a nutshell I have to say Santa Fe and all of NM really are: hauntingly beautiful with lots of light variations and distant mountain ranges in shades of blue/black; wonderfully dry so colds aren’t too cold and hots aren’t too hot; amazingly bug free allowing for open windows; quiet, even in the busiest of places because it only has maybe 2 million people IN THE ENTIRE STATE; full of some friendly people; brown (everyone seems to have signed a pact to build only earth tone adobe houses which while beautiful and well designed to blend, can be very monotonous); and loaded with Santa Fe cuisine (lots of red and hatch green chili sauces and stacked enchiladas, packing some heat).

We’ve really loved it. We have the good fortune to be house sitting through Trusted Housesitters, and have a lovely place up in the hills from Santa Fe a few miles. We hear Robert Redford lives right down the road but Stanley and I have yet to see him on our walks up his way. Here’s Stanley, our delightful little Schih Tzu for the month.

Anyway, following are a few of the highlights from our trip that to me, you shouldn’t miss.

Bar Z Winery near Palo Duro Canyon

Palo Duro Canyon

Our abode for the night in Palo Duro

Cadillac Ranch!

On our way from TX, we decided to check one item off of Jim’s bucket list, and spend the night at the bottom of Palo Duro Canyon. Did you know that it’s the second largest in the US, after the ol’ Grand? I didn’t. Don’t ask me based on what, I just read that somewhere. It was pretty amazing (upon driving past the first spot where you could kinda see it, Jim exclaimed, “Look at that, it’s almost like a…” and then he looked at the expression on my face, and stopped talking, because, ya know yes, it’s kind of like a canyon over there, like the one we put in our GPS maybe!) We spent the night in a decently comfy bed/cabin, no heat or air necessary due to it being early April in TX., and we had just a lovely time. FYI, I suggest a stop at Bar Z winery nearby, nice wines and amazing views of part of the Canyon. And you HAVE to check out Cadillac Ranch and spray paint something there. Pro tip: don’t buy any spray paint unless you are really picky, there’s plenty there for the taking.

Palo Duro Canyon

Bar Z Winery near Palo Duro Canyon

Our abode for the night in Palo Duro

Cadillac Ranch!

So after that overnight stay, we were off to Santa Fe! The scenery rather abruptly changed at one point, from flat grassland to scrubby, hilly desert. And then at one point, I realized, holy cow, I haven’t seen a person or a building or a cow or ANYTHING for a looooong time. Texans like to think we have wide open spaces but wow, even on the major highways you might see nothing here for an hour. Pretty cool, I have to say. Except don’t come here if you are addicted to your interwebs on your tele-device. Cell services is more like an occasional surprise than a reliable utility. Get used to it!

If you can, spend some time on Route 66 here. Lots of kitsch of the charming kind. We went through Tucumcari, partly because I like saying it and partly because it said it had some of the best art around. As you can see, it has some mighty fine stuff! I didn’t post the wall crawling with cockroaches because while it was cool, it really creeps me out.

OK, just kidding, here it is.

Anyhoo, we arrived, and all was beautiful if a bit chilly. The mornings were often in the 30s, but again, didn’t really feel too cold and it warmed up fast. Temps in the 60s are pretty mild here, being high altitude, sunny and low humidity. 70s feel great. 80s, you’re going to get hot and thirsty if you are out for long.

One of the first things we did was take a drive to check out the Rio Grande Gorge. It was pretty spectacular, even if the little phone box telling you not to lose hope freaked me out a bit. Smart, but still.

The scenery was awesome. Best part was we found a road that led to the bottom of the Gorge, where just a few people were hanging out fishing or relaxing. We like finding out of the way spots like that. On a warmer day, I could have hung out there all day, reading and swimming.

Rio Grande River Gorge

The crisis hotline at the gorge bridge

Jim at the bottom of the Rio Grande River Gorge, via a remote little dirt road

Another day we decided to take the high road to Taos (they actually call it that, we weren’t being especially virtuous or anything), a drive known for its beauty. There’s a faster way, but don’t do it. We also sort of accidentally took some kind of big circle around the mountaintop called the Enchanted Circle, also known for its scenery, mainly because I also wanted to see Red River where I spent some truly special time as a kid (Community House, you seem a sad shell of your former self, I hope I’m wrong, but prob you don’t have square dancing and hand jive lessons any more, sniffle) and because I wanted to drive through Angel Fire which I had never seen (we didn’t look too hard but it was just OK).

Next, we visited Bandelier National Monument, took a long hike and saw some great petroglyphs. You can also climb up ladders to see inside the old caves the Native Americans carved out of the little mini-caves in the cliff face. Saw some cool deer. Also took a drive to Jemez Springs and saw Soda Falls (below) along the way. Super cool, the river rushes through a small opening, lots of dripping mineral formations and a random hot spring on the side of the road. Also, Jemez Springs seemed fun and nicely isolated although we didn’t stop.

Bandelier Deer

Gophers on the roadside maybe?

Bandelier

Deer everywhere at Bandelier

Soda Springs

Soda Falls

Then, our friends came to visit! Super fast, we did a lot of stuff. We went to some Breaking Bad locations in Albuquerque, went to the Georgia O’Keefe museum in Santa Fe (totally worth it, and then in honor of her I took a very O’Keefe photo of the sky over the buildings outside), we experienced snow shaped like tiny little snowballs, we drove up to the Santa Fe ski area and saw snow-covered trees, we got caught in a crazy snowstorm that made us feel like we were Han Solo hyperdriving through space, and we geeked out on a roadside attraction full of those funny little plywood art thingies that you put your head in for photos. That was in the most adorable town of all around here, Madrid (pronounced like Bad-rid, accent on the first syllable). Some great restaurants, shops and live music, don’t say we didn’t tell you to stop there because we did.

Go see the Key Frances Band at the Mine Shaft Cantina in Madrid. You won’t be sorry. Especially on a beautiful day. (Ugh, didn’t write down the name of the band, sorry).

Also, if you like mysteries or funky art, go to Meow Wolf. Just go. It’s unique, although I highly recommend going when kids are in school if you don’t want to be overrun. And if you don’t want to work on solving the puzzles, you still might like it but you might not think it’s worth the $25 admission fee. We stayed 6 hours so, it was worth it to us, even if I think they need to work on shorter clues for the next rendition!

Jim through the wormhole

“They” are always watching

My fav, the 3D art (glasses required)

Lovely quote: When in doubt, just doubt your doubt.

For our final (up to now) adventure, we took the tram up to Sandia Peak, which was breathtaking. It has the longest cable span in the US (world?), so they say. If you are afraid of heights, I’d advise against it though! And last but definitely not least, we availed ourselves of the iconic spa here, 10,000 Waves. Very Japanese, very relaxing, expensive but not crazy so unless you do what we did and get the Shiatsu 80 minute massage, the head/neck massage, the foot/leg massage, the facial and a regular mini-massage. That’s a bit pricey, but it was a celebration and so, we splurged. Don’t forget to build in time for the baths, the sauna, etc. I hear you can even go to the dining room in your spa robe!

That’s it for now. I guess that’s enough. I’ll have one more post from our weekend bonanza of cramming in all the sights we’ve missed so far, plus our drive home through Roswell and Carlsbad Caverns. So long for now!

Top of Sandia Peak

One of the big towers for the Sandia Peak Tram

Ah…10,000 Waves

  So, logically, next we went to a cool place… After going to Rockport and Port A in South Texas in Jan/Feb to try and outrun the cold (ahem, it was pretty cool and rainy most days but still, better than the weather in Dallas), our next adventure, just as Texas started to warm right up to comfy poolside temps, was to head off to Santa Fe, NM for all of April!

[psychotherapyconsultants]

Is It Love or Infatuation?

Falling in love feels euphoric, transporting us into a world of vivid colors. Everything is new and exciting. At first glance, it’s not much different from the experience of infatuation. However, over time, a love relationship evolves into a deep intimacy that strengthens each partner, while infatuation erodes one’s self-esteem, triggers addiction, and fosters insecurity.

How do you know if what you have is love or infatuation? Here are a few ways you can begin to distinguish between the two.

Love breeds peace, infatuation breeds chaos.

Among her “30 Ways You Can Tell The Difference Between Love And Infatuation”, Rania Naim says that “Infatuation makes you act irrationally or ‘crazy.’ Love calms you down. Infatuation is reckless with our emotions. Love is more considerate.”

Love works toward sanity, grounding you in a security that fosters peace. It’s based on mutual understanding and trust. You seldom obsess about when or if your love will call, nor do you spend hours worrying about your partner cheating on you. Infatuation, on the other hand, delivers you to insanity and chaos. Its excitement is not without an element of danger or risk. While it may be fun to live on the edge for awhile, that lifestyle is typically not sustainable.

Love tells the truth, infatuation lies.

In her blog post “How to Tell the Difference Between Love and Infatuation”, Alison Segel writes, “Infatuation is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It sneaks into your relationship and makes you think you’ve met the one, only to have things blow up in your face before your romance has even gotten off the ground. And that’s because infatuation is just a fantasy. Love is a reality.”

Love involves a constant effort between two people to communicate effectively and to show affection and appreciation in meaningful ways. Sentiments are backed up consistently with loving actions. Infatuation, on the other hand, may involve gushy love letters, but the words are usually hollow. Seldom are they matched with action or with any real effort towards clear communication.

Love builds the self, infatuation erodes it.

Love makes us better people. Love is the scene between Melvin (Jack Nicholson) and Carol (Helen Hunt) in the 1997 flick As Good As It Gets, when Melvin says, “You make me want to take my meds. You make want to be a better man.”

Andrew Davidson, a relationship therapist in the UK, has helped a number of men, women and children break loose from the bonds of infatuation. “As a counselor, it’s certainly a very interesting and challenging issue, and not always straightforward,” he told me. “It’s also quite sad that once the infatuation is over, the individual then looks back on what they’ve been like and start to feel the loss, shame and regret of their actions. This is when they can start to look at putting their life back together.”

Love is a sense of well-being, infatuation is like a drug.

Love may initially have the same kind of dopamine rush as infatuation; however, it’s rarely destructive. At its core is sense of well-being. Infatuation, on the other hand, involves pursuing a dopamine high over and over again, which can change the wiring in your brain in the same way as a rush of cocaine.

Psychiatrist and bestselling author Gordon Livingston says, “Most of us, when we are offered the ecstasy provided by cocaine or heroin, will decline because we have observed the drawbacks of addiction. But addiction to love has such a good reputation that it appears safe.” If you are going after the high much like you would from another addictive substance, you’re infatuated. You’re not in love.

Love respects distance, infatuation is clingy.

Because infatuation is so addictive, you may experience withdrawal when you’re not with your partner. While you may think this means that you are that much more in love with him or her, it’s more an indication that you are seeking a physiological high from the relationship that is not unlike narcotics. Infatuation typically involves a psychological addiction, as well — there is an element of codependency and unhealthy attachment. Love, on the other hand, respects distance. There is no dramatic withdrawal. Contrary to what some people think, independence is not a sign that two people aren’t into each other. It points to a mutual respect, a hallmark of true intimacy.

Love heals old wounds, infatuations infect them.

Love inspires us to confront the baggage of our past with awareness so that we can love more deeply and give more generously. Infatuation, on the other hand, infects old wounds (usually unconsciously) in a vicious cycle of destructive behavior. For example, a woman might seek a man who resembles the father who rejected her, thinking that if she can win his love that she will be whole.

In his bestselling classic Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix, PhD, distinguishes between our old or “reptilian” brain, which is weighted down with unconscious baggage from our past and reacts automatically in fear, and our new brain, the “analytical, probing, questioning part of your mind that you think of as being ‘you.’” Harville theorizes that when we get sucked into intense and damaging emotional relationships, our old brain is holding the helm. It wants to recreate the pain of our past in order to heal the wounds.

Love is organic and evolving, infatuations are stagnant.

Love is organic and evolving. It doesn’t stick to one form. It encompasses friendship, romance, caretaking, and many different kinds of relationships. As two people change, its elasticity allows for the transformation. Infatuation, one the other hand, is stagnant. It is stuck in one form, unable to accommodate the change in the people involved.

Still can’t decide if it’s love or infatuation? In an article for Redbook magazine, American author Judith Viorst distinguished them in this way: “Infatuation is when you think that he’s as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners. Love is when you realize that he’s as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Conners, as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger, and nothing like Robert Redford but you’ll take him anyway.”

I think you get it now.

References

Segel, A. (2017, June 7). How to Tell the Difference Between Love and Infatuation [blog post]. Elite Daily. Retrieved from https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/difference-between-love-and-infatuation/1989085

Naim, R. (2018, December 28). 30 Ways You Can Tell The Difference Between Love And Infatuation [blog post]. Thought Catalog. Retrieved from https://thoughtcatalog.com/rania-naim/2016/02/30-ways-you-can-tell-the-difference-between-love-and-infatuation/

Harville Hendrix, H. (1988). Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. New York, NY: Holt.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/is-it-love-or-infatuation/

[weeklyhumorist]

The Trump-Lincoln Ford’s Theater Luxury Casino

“They call you Lady Luck,

But there is room for doubt,

At times you have a very unlady-like way of running out,”

~ Frank Sinatra, “Luck be a Lady”

Read Episode 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |8

The instructions by text from burner phone to burner phone were to look for the park bench with a white thumbtack stuck in it and sit down.

Seeing the white thumbtack in the bench, a Junior Deputy in the White House Communications Office slowly moved his head to look around, only seeing a dog walker a hundred yards down the path, the young man sat down.

On an empty, tree-lined path with a view of the Washington Monument to the south, it was 2:35 am at The National Mall. The weather was in the process of moving from fall into winter and the temperature was 48 degrees and dropping slowly. The White House staffer shoved his hands into his jacket pockets. The burner phone was in the left pocket. A few leaves fell from the trees and tapped onto the pavement.

Two minutes later, a reporter from the Washington Post who looked more like the real Bob Woodward and less like Robert Redford’s portrayal of the reporter, ambled down the path and sat down on the bench with the white thumbtack stuck in it.

The agreement was $10,000 dollars for a USB stick loaded with emails from the Trump campaign, under false names, communicating with Russian operatives. The White House staffer had told the reporter the guilt had become too much and he was going to be remembered as the modern day Deep Throat.

“Let’s be quick,” the reporter said. He took an envelope of one hundred $100 bills and placed it on the bench in between the two men. “You have it?”

“I have it,” the young man said. In his pocket was a metal cigar tube that had the USB stick inside. The cigar tube was placed next to envelope of money. “Ten grand? It’s all there?”

“All there. We won’t be in touch. No contact again. For my safety and yours.”

The White House staffer said, “Right, good plan.”

The Washington Post reporter slipped the cigar tube into his pocket. “Wait here for a few minutes, then walk the other direction.”

“Got it.”

“Break that phone in half and throw it in two separate garbage cans.”

“I will.”

The reporter was ten paces down the path when he said loudly “Okay!”

From out of the bushes behind the bench, Corey Lewandowski emerged with a piano wire garrote. The ligature was wrapped around the neck of the Junior Deputy in the White House Communications Office. Lewandowski squeezed and yanked the young man over the back of the bench, dragging him into the trees as he choked the life out of his victim.

“Leaker,” Lewandowski hissed into a bright red ear. “Leaker’s pay.”

The young man died, his eyeballs bulging as he expired.

The “reporter” from the Washington Post, was not a reporter. He didn’t even read the Washington Post. “Took us a while to lure this one out. Why don’t you just use a gun, Corey?”

Lewandowski smiled. “Too quick. Not as fun. Tell Bannon it’s done.”

“I’ll call him now. Get the money back.”

Corey Lewandowski took the envelope with $10,000 dollars inside from the dead man’s pocket as well as the burner cell phone and both men disappeared into the D.C. night.

  Meanwhile, in Donald Trump’s White House…

  “This big, beautiful casino, brought in on schedule and under budget, is going to be, I think, one of the great casinos we have ever seen. A great, great casino. And, you know, Trump shares his name, one of the biggest names in American history, with the late, great Abraham Lincoln. A great president, who, by the way, would have voted for me and would have wanted to Make. America. Great. Again. And, like many have been saying, he wanted to Drain the Swamp, too, believe me.”

President Donald J. Trump holds an oversized pair of faux-gold scissors in his tiny hands, standing behind a line of thick red ribbon. Flanking the President are his wife Melania, his children except for Tiffany (who texted her father about the ceremony, the President replied “Who dis?”) and many of his in-laws and grandchildren. Jared Kushner was instructed to wait in the motorcade because, as Trump told him, “You are so shitty at your job, the worst of all time, the worst, and this Russia shit is mostly your fault, you fucker.”

Kushner looks out the tinted windows of the bulletproof limousine, watching the ribbon-cutting ceremony like a dog not allowed to go into the post office with its owner.

Trump continues into the microphone, “We are proud, really proud, amazingly proud, to open The Trump-Lincoln Ford’s Theater Luxury Casino!”

With a snip of the red ribbon, what was once a National Historic Site — canceled by Executive Order — was reopened as a tacky, gaudy, tawdry, Trump casino. The sacred-to-many theater where Abraham Lincoln was assassinated by John Wilkes Booth, was now another way for the Trump family to profit from the Presidency.

Sad.

The idea to convert the historical theater into a casino was floated by President Trump his second week in office. He had “big ideas” on how to “Make some fuckin money off this White House bullshit.” Other Washington, D.C. sites that were considered for the conversion included the Museum of Natural History, the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, and the National Cathedral.

Ford’s Theater was settled on because President Trump wanted his name next to Lincoln’s. Trump said to Fox and Friends, “We — the late, great Abraham Lincoln — and myself, we have done the most, historically, to help America. Nobody has done more, nobody, believe me. I used to say maybe FDR did, but I was just told he was in a wheelchair, many people don’t know that, so he didn’t do as much as me, obviously, a lot of people are saying that now.” One Senior Advisor suggested Lincoln’s name be billed first on the marquee out of respect for the 16th President of the United States. That woman was fired on the spot. As she was putting her belongings into a cardboard box and cleaning out her office, Secret Service agents dragged her to the roof of the White House. Corey Lewandowki was waiting. He said, “Linda, you’re a decent person, but that was a really stupid thing to say. I’m sorry about this.” Lewandowski then grabbed Linda by the hair and threw her off the ledge onto the South Portico. Linda died on impact. Her neck snapped and back broken in three places.

As your intrepid White House correspondent, I have been working tirelessly to get an accurate count of how many people Corey Lewandowski has murdered in defense of the Trump campaign and presidency. This number has proven difficult to confirm. According to one high-level police source who spoke on condition of anonymity, Lewandowski’s kill count is believed to be eleven people. Charges have been considered, but, according to the source, “Trump is just going to pardon the guy anyway. We have to wait till he’s out of office to get Corey.” He added, “The most disturbing part is how much he enjoys whacking people for Trump.” When asked, “As much as Don Jr. and Eric enjoy killing leopards and elephants?” His answer was, “No, no, much more than that.”

Inside the Trump-Lincoln Ford’s Theater Luxury Casino is garish, tacky, and so bright everyone squints when entering until their eyes adjust from the overload of neon lights. Every surface that wasn’t covered in bright lights is shiny gold. The seats on the theater floor have all been removed, replaced by gaming tables. The two floors of balconies have also been cleared of seats and now featured rows of Trump brand slot machines. There are only Trump brand slot machines.

Prominently featured over the entrance to the gaming floor is an enormous mosaic portrait of Trump made from different-colored casino chips. Yellow $1,000 dollar chips are used heavily to portray the President’s distinctive hairstyle.

Inside the casino, talking to reporters from conservative media outlets, President Trump says, “What’s great, really terrific, the best thing I did, is the balcony where the late, great Abraham Lincoln was shot, as you know, he was killed here, the balcony is now the best high roller poker table in the world. A lot of people have been saying they’ve never seen anything like it.”

Indeed, this is true. The balcony where Booth put a Derringer to Lincoln’s head and pulled the trigger, now housed a Texas hold ‘em no limit poker table. Numerous professional poker players were offered appearance fees to play at the table on the day the casino opened. Only the legendary Doyle Brunson accepted. Brunson sits at the gold-felted table hustling millions from two Russian oligarchs, three Saudi princes, a morbidly obese Texas oil baron, a secretly-racist hedge fund manager, and actor James Woods.

The Trump-Lincoln Ford’s Theater Luxury Casino opened to mostly negative media attention, distracting from the multiple emerging Russia-related scandals. MSNBC and CNN had something new to be outraged about. The first week in operation, the casino was filled with a rogue’s gallery of shady foreign diplomats, sleazeball lobbyists, spies from at least nine different countries, drunken ambassadors, crooked political operatives, mafia gangsters, and military leaders from despotic regimes. Card counters and cheaters from Las Vegas, Atlantic City, and Reno traveled to D.C. for a gambling den they knew was easy pickings.

The card counters used techniques that would have been spotted in every other casino in America to knock out table after table. Pit bosses were baffled as to how some blackjack players all of a sudden knew when to increase their bets to tens of thousands.

The casino gift shop flogged an array of cheap tat all with the Trump name emblazoned in gold lettering. There was a section that sold Alex Jones’ snake oil “health supplements.” A top seller is the “Super Male Vitality” which is claimed to be “the result of ancient wisdom reinterpreted over several years in the light of modern equipment and analysis.” A bargain at $69.95. Multiple scientific laboratories have tested the product. None have found evidence the product enhances anything other than Jones’ bank account. You might as well eat Flintstones vitamins.

Nevertheless, on a monitor next to the display of supplements, President Trump gives a testimonial on a loop. “If you want a dick as great and terrific as mine, this is the product for you, believe me.”

To reward him for loyalty no matter how absurd, Corey Lewandowski was appointed Casino Manager. Lewandowski drafted high school buddies, various cousins, and people that worked in other Trump businesses to run the place. None that had ever worked in casinos. Not one of the pit bosses had expertise in gambling, betting strategy, or known cheating techniques. All the pit bosses knew how to do is punch someone in the mouth that was “disrespecting the joint.” That, and steal whenever they could.

After the first week, upper management is meeting in a conference room to go over the books so far. President Trump is there.

Looking over the ejaculation of neon and gold from the casino below, President Trump sits at a conference table set up the same way as it is done at the White House. That being so everyone can go around the table and people will give him compliments.

Fifteen minutes later, satisfied with the praise given from casino management, Trump gets down to business. “Okay, folks, this has been a tremendous first week. The media, as I’m sure you have seen, has been giving us great reviews, a lot of praise, for the success this has been. Corey, tell us how big this first week has been. It’s been huge.”

Lewandowski looks like he’s going to be sick. He tries to stall. “You’ll like this, sir, a Jamaican croupier thinks she saw Lincoln’s ghost float by a baccarat table.”

“A croup-a-what?” Trump asks.

“Oh, a croupier is a dealer, Mr. President. She says she saw Linc—“

“Cut the shit, Corey.”

Lewandowski goes a touch more pale. “We lost $13 million dollars.”

“How the fuck did you do that?!” Trump screams.

With the casino staff stealing whatever they could at every stop the money made, and professional card cheats taking advantage of the inexperienced staff, the losses added up quick.

The room is silent. For almost a minute, nobody speaks.

“Well,” pit boss Nicky LoSpecchio says, “the Trump Organization has never been that good at running casinos. We’re learning how to do it on the fly.”

The President of the United States glares at the pit boss. “What did you say?”

  Corey Lewandowski stands over a kneeling Nicky LoSpecchio in the alley behind The Trump-Lincoln Ford’s Theater Luxury Casino.

“Please don’t do this, Corey. I shouldn’t have said that. Please. I’m sor—“

Lewandowski presses the button on a Microtech Halo automatic knife deploying the blade and stabs the disloyal pit boss thirty-three times in the chest and face. LoSpecchio’s lifeless body is left in the alley to bleed out.

Washington D.C. police believe this was Corey Lewandowski’s twelfth murder for the Trump administration.

  Illustration by Mikey B. Martinez III

The Trump-Lincoln Ford’s Theater Luxury Casino was originally published on Weekly Humorist

[lerin1024-blog]

Top 20 Movies (in my opinion) from Jan-June 2017, first half of the year!

1. GOLD - (Stephen Gaghan) Starring Matthew McConaughey. The release date of this was December 30, 2016. But, I couldn’t help but put this on my list. A true story of the biggest gold mining scam in history, with the mystery surrounding who was involved and who is actually still alive today. Very intriguing all the way through. Such a touchy subject to touch base on! The way McConaughey warps into each and every one of his characters is something so incredible and memorable. This is a must see.

2. MEAN DREAMS - (Nathan Morlando) Starring Bill Paxton, Sophie Nelisse, & Josh Wiggins

Bill Paxton’s last movie released after his unfortunate passing earlier this year. Mean Dreams was an adventure. Sophie & Josh worked so well together in this film, which is why it really worked so well for me. On a mission to run away from her father who is a dirty cop, this combination of young actors really ran away with the show! I hope to see them work together in a future film.

3. THE DISCOVERY - (Charlie McDowell) Starring Robert Redford, Jason Segel, & Rooney Mara

We all have questions of what happens when we die. Is there an afterlife, and if so...what is it like? The Discovery attempts to explain a scientific finding and I think it’s findings were pleasant enough to make me enjoy this movie, as well as shed a few tears. It’s moving and incapsulating...even sentimental to say the least. It never bored nor confused, as many movies will when this is the topic. Easily memorable with no frustrated questioning afterwards. Charlie McDowell also co-wrote this with Justin Lader. Two thumbs up guys. 

4. GIFTED - (Marc Webb) Starring Chris Evans, Mckenna Grace, & Jenny Slate

Raising a child prodigy isn’t easy. Especially when you are the uncle and your niece is so intellegent you would move the earth to help her, protect her, and keep her challened and safe. But what IS best for little Mary? I absolutley adored this movie and I know you will too. An emotional and heartfelt drama.

5. KING ARTHUR LEGEND OF THE SWORD (Guy Richie) Starring Charlie Hunnam, Jude Law, Astrid Berges-Frisbey & Eric Bana

Growing up in a sweltering city and brothels unknowing his own birthright brought this movie to life, as so many Arthurian movies have been made, this is my first look at one, and I was impressed. Very impressed with the way that Guy Richie made this action packed film. The sound effects and music were outstanding and really got it moving. Saw it twice, back to back. The sword coming out of the stone and wall like butter and Hunnam’s extrordinary acting abilities really made this truly the “one and only” Arthur movie, I believe. It opened my eyes to a whole other genre of films I’ve probably been missing!

6. THE SHACK - (Stuart Hazeldine) Starring Sam Worthington & Octavia Spencer

A story about a family tradgey, which leads a father to question his faith. This sends him on a mission to find answers. And answers he gets, and maybe even more than that. A kind of myseterious movie that surprises you mid-way through with picturesque beauty and underlying emotion. Tip: Grab a box of tissue and stay with it. You’ll be glad you did,

7. GET OUT - (Jordan Peele Writer & Director) Starring Daniel Kaluuya & Allison Williams 

I have never seen a movie quite like this before! Peele deserves much acknowledgement from this. During a trip to visit the parents of his girlfriend Rose, Chris is in for the shock and awe of his life. I don’t want to spoil anything here, but this is a must see and I wouldn’t necessarily consider this a “horror” film as it suggests, but certainly a strong thriller. Parts played by all were spot on and flowed well throughout this nail biter. OR should I say nightmare? (But in an entertaining way...) 

8. A DOGS PURPOSE - (Lasse Hallstrom) Starring Josh Gad & Dennis Quaid

A dog who is looking for his real purpose in life. He experiences his life and death reincarnated five times. A movie with so much soul, it is not easily forgotten. A nice one for the family to see together. It’s a tear-jerker for sure, but during the happy times as well as the sad. Josh Gad does a great voice for the dog in all the phases of his lives. A wonderful book to movie adaptation. 

9. BLACK BUTTERFLY - (Brian Goodman) Starring Antonio Banderas & Jonathan Rhys Meyers

“A Killer Story with a Twist”....Now who doesn’t love that type of movie! I know I do! This was a thrill to watch, more so because I didn’t read about it first, not even the cover. So, I was really happy with the storyline. I will admit, Meyers performance didn’t match up equally to Banderas, but that comes with eons of experience! Or, perhaps I just wasn’t use to the way he talks. Don’t get me wrong, this story was GREAT. Make sure you stay with it though. It also had the potential to be so many other things as well, but for what it was, I think it was a great watch and would recommend this to anyone!

BEAUTIFUL 10 - (Mark Pellington) Starring Shirley Maclaine & Amanda Seyfried 

Shirley does it again, and this should be in my number one spot, but this isn’t in any specific order. Harriet’s character was wonderful and powerful as Shirley’s characters always are...Strong, Independent, Wise, and Indifferent. This incredible movie teaches you to treat each day as a challenge to yourself. “Have an honest day”, Harriet will say. The risks she would take in her life would define her and she deeply wanted to be remembered, not forgotten. “Make mistakes because that’s living...” This was an honest movie, with a grest cast, storyline, music was SUPURB! And the vocabulary of basically every sentence written was perfect. Thank you Stuart Ross Fink! Many life learning messages throughout this movie, which I loved. It will not EVER be forgotten as one of the best movies I have ever seen.

11. EXTORTION - (Phil Volken) Starring Eion Bailey, Barkhad Abdi, & Danny Glover

A man in a desperate situation, without the time or the resources he needs to save his family while on vacation in another country. These things really happen, and in a world that can be uncertain at times, this movie really tuggs at the heartstrings for this man...and for the viewers! Brilliantly played by who I thought was Michael Fassbender...So sorry to Eion Bailey, who did a remarable job! I am one of your newest fans! Thriller for sure, so if you settle in with popcorn...get ready for one fast paced movie that will make time pass so fast, you won’t know it until it happens! I dare you to fall asleep during this! I’m so glad this is a nominee. Much respect.

12. THE SPACE BETWEEN US - (Peter Chelsom) Starring Asa Butterfield, Britt Robertson, Gary Oldman, & Carla Gugino

Men are from Mars & Women are from EARTH. That’s the story. But don’t be fooled by the online reviews by others. Yes, it’s a “coming-of-age” movie, but it certainly has a big spark inside of it’s whole. Born on the planet Mars, “Gardener” wants nothing but to go down to earth and live a normal life. This has consequences to his health, obviously. Undetermined, yet, even by the astronauts and medical staff astronauts, and life itself on earth...things seem pretty clear...until they aren’t. Upon finding out and missing out...the end of this movie was great...it didn’t leave me hanging (I hate that!). So, take a chance on this one and see it for yourself.

13. BRAIN ON FIRE - (Gerard Barrett) Starring Chloe Grace Moretz

She was a professional reporter, living her dream in the big city, when something goes unexplainably wrong within her. This a true story, so it stood out to me in a huge way. No spolier’s here. Although, it’s an amazing movie! So many people with this same undiagnosed conditioned have been saved because of this woman’s parents never giving up to find answers. Enough said.

14. THE LOST CITY OF Z - (James Gray) Starring Charlie Hunnam & Robert Pattinson

Based on a true “legend” of a story.... A persumed lost city in the Amazonian rain forest. British research and map explorer Persy Fawsett travels into the deep debths of the rainforest to find the truth. Is there another civilization? And if so, can he proove it? Can he even get back home alive, or at all? What is the sacrifice worth? Watch this stellar movie, which is at it’s best, although it may leave you to find the true meaning of it all for yourself.

15. I DONT FEEL AT HOME IN THIS WORLD ANYMORE - (Macon Blair) Starring Melanie Lynskey & Elijah Wood

After a home invasion, Ruth shows the normalcy of how sometimes theres just nothing the police can do. Irritated with rude people, its clever that she enlists the help of her abnoxious neighbor, Tony to help her find her computer through her GPS laptop finder on her phone. This is a dark comedy, to me...I loved every part of it. But it also moves into the suspense catagory as well, making it even better. This is Sundance! Nice to see it got the Jury award this year. Much deserved.

16. HIDDEN FIGURES - (Theodore Melfi) Starring Taraji P. Henson, Octavia Spencer & Janelle Monae...and Kevin Costner.

An untold true story of the launch of astronaut John Glenn into space. Back when African American women weren’t treated equally, these three brilliant woman’s minds go to work everyday at NASA and are the real (competent and confident) brains behind the whole operation. This story was powerful, and got much appreciation and respect from me and many others who have seen it. 

17. BEFORE I FALL - (Ry Russo-Young) Starring Zoey Deutch & Kian Lawley

How can the power of one single day have an impact on your whole life? Based on this best selling novel by Maria Maggenti. Sam seems to have the perfect life, but she wakes up living the same exact day over and over again, tring to change things and figure out what it all means. It’s a fun watch and the book is amazing! So, give this one a shot if you want to see something teenager-ish with big twists. I have a girl teen myself, and we enjoyed watching this together! It just had to make my “Top 20″.

18. COLOSSAL - (Nacho Vigalondo) Starring Anne Hathaway & Jason Sudeikis

Now this was just FUN. Not usually my style (Monster’s)... but this was the exception because of the story and the amazing cast. A Rivalry, between two friends happens to be a very dangerous one! I enjoyed not just the cast, but how grounded it was. An easy watch, and like I said...pretty fun, and quite original in itself. 

19. SPLIT - (M. Night Shyamalan Writer & Director) Starring James McAvoy

Split personalities come out to play around in a kidnapping of 3 teenage girls in this deep seated thriller. One they leave a surprise, although each and every one is played brilliantly by McAvoy and told in a clever way by Shyamalan. All of his movies are great, in my opinion with this one taking a top spot in my mind. I loved how darkly insanely crazy this was, watching each character emerge on screen. And just knowing that the final personality took over 15 years to create. Wow! 

20. LIFE - (Daniel Espinosa) Starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Ryan Reynolds, Rebecca Ferguson

On board the International Space Station, astronauts go on a mission to brig back proof if there is life on Mars. Extraterrestrial Life. And their findings proove to be very dangerous and life threating to everyone on board. Clever, and suspenseful, I would watch this one again. It’s interesting and the cast is great. There may or may not be a few twists! 

Honorable Mention: THE BELKO EXPERIMENT, where “Office Space” meets “Battle Royale”. A disturbing game insues inside of a huge titanium or crazy metal impenetrable building full of office workers. Very blood thirsty & a thriller that does have its twist, which of course, I’m all into. Not for everyone, thats for certain, but if you like “games” like these on the screen, this is a great new one to see! 

[yamijay357]

Top 10 Movies of 2016

Another year has passed and another Top 10 movie list must follow. I found this year to be a tad weaker than 2015, with many of my picks for this list not coming to theaters until November or December. This year started to show, quality wise at least, the blockbuster fatigue that constant releases in expanded universes (superheroes, especially) can evoke. Fortunately, once I narrowed down my list along with a few honorable mentions, it became very difficult to put them in order, which is usually a sign of some great films. I believe that every movie listed here will be a great addition to one of your movie night queues. So, without further ado...

Honorable Mentions

Deadpool

Superhero movies have flooded our theaters to the point that we’ll soon be getting over half a dozen in a single year. This year they ranged from the painfully mediocre (Batman v. Superman, Doctor Strange) to just bad (Suicide Squad). Deadpool was a nice breath of fresh air as Ryan Reynolds brought the much loved Merc with a Mouth to the screen. Deadpool is funny, lampooning everything from the superhero genre as a whole to the questionable decisions made regarding both previous appearances of Deadpool and the career of Reynolds himself. If only all comic book movies could be this faithful to the spirit of the character.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

Another year, another Star Wars movie. This installment was a landmark film for the franchise in that it was the first major release not to focus on the main narrative following the Skywalker family. Instead, we were given the story of how Princess Leia ended up with the Death Star plans she had at the beginning of A New Hope. We get a look at a different side of the universe not particularly focused on magic space wizards but instead on real people fighting the threat of the Empire. Felicity Jones leads a great cast in a solid movie that has one of the best third acts of the franchise. Alan Tudyk stands out as a reprogrammed Imperial droid that is loyal to the Rebellion but throws shade like no other. While not all characters were developed fully, in the end, Rogue One stands as the best blockbuster of 2016.

The Top Ten

10. Manchester by the Sea

Grief is often the hardest thing to sell on screen, so making such a deep theme the focus of your movie is a bit of a risk. However, Kenneth Lonergan deftly writes and directs a unique view of grief for a unique family dynamic. Casey Affleck plays Lee Chandler, a handyman who resides in Boston away from his home of Manchester following a family tragedy. The death of his brother brings him home where he discovers that he is now the guardian of his nephew Patrick, played by Lucas Hedges. The film follows both of the men as they deal with death and all of the complications that come from it. However, their story is both painful and funny, as the movie makes for several reactions that seem all too real to those of us that have lost someone close. While the ending leaves several elements uncertain, Affleck and Hedges give strong performances that give us one of the truest depictions of loss ever set to film.

9. Pete’s Dragon

I hate the original Pete’s Dragon. When I found out a remake was being made the chances of me seeing it were slim. However, when it received several good reviews, I fit it into a four-movie day at the theater, mostly because I was curious. I didn’t expect to walk away with such a satisfied feeling. All of the awkward elements of the original (Animation that stood out in a bad way, sub par musical numbers, and Mickey Rooney) are gone, leaving a wonderful modern fairy tale about an orphaned boy and his invisible dragon friend that hit in all of the right places. Bryce Dallas Howard leads a great cast including Karl Urban, Robert Redford, and promising newcomer Oakes Fegley as Pete. A great story, seamless effects, and an ending that will bring tears to your eyes allows this movie to soar above its predecessor and claim its place on this list.

8. Lion

This movie snuck into theaters near the end of the year and I saw it on New Year’s Eve. It was a pretty great way to end the year. Lion is the true story of Saroo Brierley, an five-year-old Indian boy who, while searching for work with his older brother, gets transported across India to a region that is entirely alien to him, including the language. After Saroo finds his way to an orphanage, he is adopted by a loving Australian couple. 25 years later, Saroo is obsessed with finding out what happened to the family he lost. This may be the most genuine, human film made this year, as the audience feels the panic and fear of a strange new place with young Saroo, and the hope and frustration plaguing his adult counterpart as he searches one of the most populated countries in the world for a single small village. Dev Patel gives his best performance yet as Saroo in a film that will take you on quite the feels trip when both you and Saroo reach the conclusion.

7. Jackie

We all know what happened November 22nd, 1963. But have you ever thought about what the person most affected by that day did in the week that followed? Natalie Portman plays Jackie Kennedy, who is interviewed the week after her husband President Kennedy was assassinated. The movie rests completely on her and she doesn’t disappoint. She completely becomes Kennedy as we see a world that is rocked by loss on both a personal and national level. Kennedy must face everything that comes in the aftermath from being moved out of the White House for the Johnson family to trying to explain to her children why their father won’t come home again. There are times that I forgot I was watching Natalie Portman as I fell into the world captured so perfectly by Pablo Larraín. This film speaks not only to the humanity of Jackie Kennedy, but also to her amazing contribution to the legacy JFK left behind.

6. Arrival

What would happen if we really were visited by alien lifeforms? A history of cheesy and often terrible movies (cough, Independence Day, cough) has built in the assumption that the aliens would be hostile and seek to destroy us. If aliens were to visit, I believe that Arrival shows us the most likely outcome compared to anything else. Amy Adams plays linguistics professor Louise Banks who is called in by the government to try to decipher the communications of alien visitors. Along with a brilliant physicist (Jeremy Renner), Banks must figure out the intentions of the visitors before other countries take hostile actions. This movie does an amazing job of displaying both our actual ignorance of other lifeforms and all of the possible directions we could take with it. In the midst of people not understanding each other, Arrival is a brilliantly made film that speaks to all people.

5. Moonlight

Similar in structure to Steve Jobs, Moonlight consists of three short films focusing on Chiron (aka Little), and his coming of age in a poor neighborhood that has no shortage of drug dealers. As a child, he finds a crack dealer named Juan (Mahershala Ali) who, along with his girlfriend, serve as loving parental figures in the place of his disinterested and drug-addicted mother. Juan helps Chiron trust people, which leads to him sharing an intimate moment with his high school friend Kevin. Circumstances lead to Kevin and Chiron separating but encountering each other as adults, leading to one of the most beautiful ending scenes of the year. Alex Hibbert, Ashton Sanders, and Trevante Rhodes give stellar performances as each stage of Chiron’s life. Such a simple story gives way to profound emotions that will resonate with you well after the film is over.

4. Loving

Speaking of simple, there was probably no more simply put-together movie this year than Loving. And yet, it managed to be one of the most profound films of the year. Joel Edgerton and Ruth Negga play Richard and Mildred Loving, a couple whose illegal interracial marriage led to the Loving v. Virginia Supreme Court case that ruled all marriage laws having to do with race unconstitutional. But that is not what the movie is really about. With limited dialogue and politics, Loving focuses almost solely on the relationship of the two main characters and the hardship they have to face from their home state. We learn about their dreams and the lengths they will go to in order to be together. The leads are absolutely fantastic and give you the entire weight of the story while spending only a few minutes of screen time in courtrooms. In a year where several films on this list took my heart, Loving is a true standout.

3. Zootopia

The reason that The Good Dinosaur didn’t succeed as much as everyone thought it would was because it failed to deliver on its premise of a world full of dinosaurs by showing us just a few dinosaurs. Zootopia doesn’t suffer from this problem, as the world of Judy Hopps (Gennifer Goodwin) and Nick Wilde (Jason Bateman) is a rich world of animals with different personalities, troubles, and ambitions. This movie would have succeeded as a fun movie on that alone. But Zootopia goes a step further and delivers one of the most profound messages of almost any animated film ever made. It not only highlights the obvious prejudices different groups of people feel toward each other, but also how we may not even be aware of our own unwarranted feelings of distrust and how they can affect people close to us. This was the movie that 2016 needed and that we’ll need for years to come. Also, who wants a full Gazelle album? (Raises hand)

2. La La Land

Earlier this year, when introducing one of my friends to my favorite movie, Singin’ in the Rain, I made the comment that “they don’t make this kind of movie anymore, and it’s sad.” Well, turns out that Damien Chazelle felt the same way and gave us an amazing film that serves as both an homage to the musical genre that preceded it and as a beautiful piece of art that will inspire future artists for years. Emma Stone plays Mia, a girl trying to pursue her acting dreams in LA, along with thousands of other people. She frequently runs into Sebastian (Ryan Gosling), an unemployed jazz musician who dreams of owning his own club. The two chase their dreams together to the tune of the best soundtrack of the year and delightful dance numbers and city backdrops. La La Land succeeds in every technical aspect as Los Angeles is turned into a magical, musical dreamland. Stone and Gosling go beyond their usual charm and give us amazing characters with surprisingly good singing voices that would make Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers proud. And then the ending. Well, if the ending sequence doesn’t fill you with emotion, then you’re probably a robot.

1. Hell or High Water

The biggest surprise of the year for me turned out to be my favorite movie of 2016. Hell or High Water is David Mackenzie’s neo-Western masterpiece that is perhaps the best possible step to take after the Cohen Brothers’ No Country for Old Men. The film shows Chris Pine and Ben Foster playing brothers Toby and Tanner Howard. When their mother dies and Tanner gets out of jail, the bank handling the loan for their mother’s farm seeks to seize the property. In order to pay off the bank that overcharged their mother for years, the brothers begin to pull off small robberies of the local branches. While authorities don’t see it as a priority, the crimes attract the attention of two Texas Rangers (Jeff Bridges and Gil Birmingham) and a chase across Texas begins. Every performance is incredible in this movie. Chris Pine shows his dramatic chops while giving the best performance of his career (so far) and Jeff Bridges is outstanding beyond even what you would expect. The cinematography shows off the gritty yet beautiful western landscapes yet never loses the scope of how the region has been hit by the advancement of modern times. But the true winner here is the best screenplay of the year as every character is able to draw you into a story that begs questions of morality and loyalty. While La La Land may walk away with all of the awards, Hell or High Water is my pick for Best Film of 2016.