#I get in to the most niche shit and someone with money brings it back to the front and center of the public eye

[misslaamb]

Me, a pawn in this game called life: "Gee! I'm suddenly getting really into Wonderland again lately. Wonder why I chose the Mad Hatter to focus on this time when Cheshire Cat has always been my favorite character?"

The universe, again, for some comedic reason:

Me, whistling and twiddling my thumbs, shrugs: "Hm! No clue! Guess I'll keep chiseling out a version of the Hatter I'm fascinated with to write/draw about."

[purplesurveys]

1864

How would you describe your journey so far in your 20s? I'd say more than anything it's been a quiet journey of me trying to make the most of what I'm handed, and it's been a mixed bag of clumsy moments, feelings of loss, and times where I feel on top of the world. I lost a great chunk of my 20s from the pandemic, so I think I'll always resent all the missed opportunities that were taken from me – like traveling or partying and even the feeling of Actually Working In An Office.

By the time Covid took a backseat my friends and I were already in our mid-20s and didn't feel like doing youth-y stuff anymore. But like I said, I hate seeing situations as helpless so I've done all I could to pivot and still enjoy what life has to offer. I reconnect with friends as often as I can, go out even if it means eating or going to a museum alone, go to as many concerts as I can, take my family to ALL of the expensive restaurants that we could only stare at before...things like that. I have a very strong need to feel ~alive after what the world had been through.

What role does music play in your life, and are there any songs or artists that have had a significant impact on you? It now has less impact from, say, when I was in high school where music served as my personal megaphone and made me feel practically invincible. Now, I listen to music mostly for enjoyment; I vibe more with beats and instrumentals versus lyrics.

Paramore continues to be the most influential for me because they always seem to know what's going on in my head and what I need to hear or know. BTS will also always have a major impact on me simply by virtue of saving me from death.

Are there any specific goals or aspirations you have for your future? How do you plan to work towards them? My biggest goal in life, and has been since I was 9, is to be able to attend Wrestlemania 50. That's really it; I don't wish for much other than that + not to get sick + for my loved ones not to get sick. I know that shit will cost millions – from visa applications to the flight tickets to the cost of things in the US – so I save as much as I can.

Another is to be able to travel outside Asia, if possible taking my parents with me so they can see the world too. Again, it's a matter of money so it's the same goal of earning and saving as much as possible to make it happen.

How do you prioritize self-care and maintain your mental well-being in your daily life? Paying more attention to work-life balance. I did the dirty work in the last 3 years when I was working myself up the ranks. Now that I've pretty much reached my work goals (for now), I'm granting myself the self-compassion to take it easy and slowly.

What are some activities or hobbies that bring you joy and help you relax? I have a rhythm game that I regularly play to decompress. I also keep up with pro wrestling, as I think it's great to have that one niche interest that you can always come back to; of course there's BTS which is my constant source of comfort and happiness...I write when I need an outlet, as shitty and clumsy as my poems are...and I have my dogs with whom I play and baby and cuddle for hours each day.

Have you ever faced any challenges related to mental health? How do you cope with them? I used to be severely depressed. I didn't have ways to cope with it and I also didn't go to therapy because I was always shy (and it's very! expensive!), which certainly didn't help with my trying to get out of that hole. I was self-destructive for a very long time.

Everything got better when I discovered BTS and found a family in them. As cheesy as it sounds, I learned how to laugh and smile again (and mean it) because of them. They made me want to be better for myself and they made me want to help myself.

How do you define love and what does it mean to you personally? Promising to do your best by a person, at least to me. I know I love someone when I want to be better because of them while simultaneously doing my best, in the choices that I make, to make them feel happy and safe.

What qualities do you look for in a partner or potential significant other? I gave up on love in this respect because I've experienced the ugliest a relationship could possibly get that I've walked away from it for good. That said, I don't think any trait, as perfect and as desirable as it makes someone seem, could redeem romantic relationships for me anymore.

How do you navigate dating in the modern world, especially with the influence of technology and social media? I don't. And I've been the happiest avoiding it.

What are your thoughts on marriage and starting a family? Is it something you envision for yourself? It used to be. It has zero appeal to me now.

How do you maintain a healthy work-life balance and prevent burnout? I clock out at exactly 6 PM now. Latest at 6:30 PM, and I only make overtime exceptions if it *absolutely* cannot be helped. I have also learned how to delegate, which was my illness before as I used to hoard and hoard and hoard tasks – both because I wanted to prove myself to my superiors and because I felt guilty about passing tasks to my teammates thinking they'd think of me as bossy.

Are there any specific skills or areas of knowledge you would like to develop or improve upon? I wish I was a naturally good and a natural born leader. I'm a follower and a listener through and through, so it's a struggle now that my work description pretty much mandates me to lead an entire team. Couple that with my anxiety and paranoia that makes me fixate on the thought of my teammates preferring Bea (who left) over me and think I'm incompetent, and it all makes for a shitty equation.

Still, I try to do the best I can and lead to the best of my abilities because if I keep up that ^ toxic mindset it will become more and more true – so I might as well do my damn best and learn from the journey, mistakes and all.

How do you handle setbacks or failures and use them as opportunities for growth? I'm very analytical about it, which I guess is a major side effect from the work I do (which is very learnings-obsessed). I take a look at the areas I failed in, think back on things I said that I could've said better, things like that...and actively make a change the next time I need to do them to see if the impact would be better that time around.

How do you stay connected with your friends and loved ones despite the demands of adult life? Well that's part of the magic of the world going online. Everyone's just a chat away; and even if I don't actively/routinely talk to someone I can always keep up with their lives through stories and posts.

Are there any specific travel destinations or experiences you hope to explore in the future? Since I was around 12-13 I've made it a goal to travel to Chicago one day. Some of my favorite shows and films are set there + Chicagoans seem to be THE most passionate people about their own hometown.

I wish it were also easier to travel around India, but as a woman I doubt that will ever happen in my lifetime. I'd love to visit as I'm very interested in their culture and I would like to try authentic street food.

Places in South Korea outside of Seoul – Busan, Daegu, all the countryside places they feature on 2 Days 1 Night that have their own traditions, festivals, cuisines...South Korean culture is very colorful and it'd be great to experience them all; but the language barrier becomes a bigger issue the farther you get from the city. I'm also very well aware of the racist sentiments towards Filipinos and the fact that Koreans shoo away foreigners when they feel like it (even within Seoul!), so that makes me wary about visiting non-Seoul places much as I would love to experience their culture.

How do you navigate and make decisions about your career path and professional growth? I treat every day like it's my first day on the job and completely clueless – it helps with forming a mindset to consistently want to become better. I credit that thinking to my quick improvements and why my promotions have been as quick as they became.

What are some of your favorite ways to give back to your community or contribute to causes you care about? My main advocacy is supporting animal shelters and adoption of stray animals, which involves money – and a lot of it. That said I donate 1-2 times a week to various NGOs/shelters; and I share calls for adoption whenever I come across them on social media.

There's one shelter in particular that has a subscription feature of like ₱180 a month, where the money goes to maintenance, treatments, rescues, and food – afaik I've been subscribed ever since they introduced that feature. I wish they could open up higher tiers because I am definitely willing to pay more, but since it's not available I just continue sending them money for their individual rescues.

How do you envision your life in the next five years, and what steps are you taking to make that vision a reality? In five years I think having my own place would be a lot more feasible so I hope I have been able to achieve that by then! My benchmark is Bea who was able to have her own condo at 29, so that's what I'm working towards haha. I can't believe at high school I thought having my own place at like 22 would be easy...so naive.

[lamphous]

so there's this inexplicable 2 second exchange from the former late night comedy show @/midnight (btw just learned colbert is backing them bringing this show back and replacing james corden with it) that has inexplicably been stuck in my head despite not even really being a joke* and I just spent several hours whittling down which episode exactly had the joke (december 4, 2014)** and it turns out that, for some reason, the nightly nerd comedy from 2013 does not have the most organized presence on illicit streaming sites, and the episodes are all out of order and a bunch of them aren't even on there

so my options*** apparently are:

use the $37.64 of itunes gift cards I still have from my youth to purchase this episode of fucking at goddamn midnight (horrifying prospect, but ever so slightly funny)

look through every single unlabeled episode on every streaming site and hope it isn't one of the ones none of them have (hasn't been going so well tbh!)

hope the dude who uploaded it 9 years ago to 1337x decides to log on so I can download it (this person is literally the only peer)

OR apparently I can borrow the episode from archive dot org ON A USB DRIVE. WHICH THEY WILL MAIL TO ME. FOR 30 DAYS. for a processing fee. and I'm fairly sure this recording is just straight up someone's TV. (frankly now looking like the best and funniest option, but costs non funny money)

* the exchange: person 1 (in answer to a question I have wholly forgotten): chris lavine [several beats of silence] person 2 (fairly sure it's chris d'elia): ...ADAM LEVINE? end transcript

** "how were you able to figure out which one without actually watching it?" good question! the only things I remembered were chris d'elia was in it (I know) and that I had previously been able to find it on dailymotion or some shit because, again, this line has been stuck in my head since it's airing in 2014. of course, I didn't remember the airing date or anything, but I /did/ recall enough to recognize the vague shape of the thumbnail of this episode, and upon finding another clip from it on youtube, recognized the jokes enough to know I'd found that clip the last time I looked too

*** note that there is not an option to do nothing, because I have never given up an opportunity for pedantic niche research in my life, and also I have to send it to my friends because they will get a kick out of it solely bc I will send with the caption "me and nya" because that is literally how every conversation we've ever had has gone, in which instances I am always the chris d'elia, and I wish I had never typed that

[niuniente]

What's the best way to get an audience for your webcomic?

AND

Do you think self sustained comics like Order of the Stick which at one point broke kickstarter records, is a thing of the past and you have to be on webtoon or Tapas?

)

1. I'd say marketing BUT that is a double-edged sword. Where professionally published comics, whether printed or online as webcomics, have a team behind them, independent artists must do everything by themselves. When you do planning, scripting, sketching, line art, colors, backgrounds, research, marketing plans, publishing schedules, online marketing in multiple social medias in multiple different forms planning and create them, follow algorithms, make marketable posts in right form to all platforms (as every social media has a different dimensions for photos for example), keep contact to your audience and answer questions, and make your content SEO (Search Engine Optimizing) friendly, that's basically 9 professionals' job in one person. You simply CAN NOT do this alone without burning out eventually. You CAN NOT keep up with the professionally made and published comics and reach their marketing and publicity levels because they're a team effort, usually something done by tens of people!

AND THEY DO THAT FOR THEIR DAY JOB! THEY GET PAID FOR IT! THEY DON'T WORK ALONGSIDE ANOTHER DAY JOB OR STUDIES ON THEIR FREE TIME!

I know this because I work in a marketing. Any business who needs marketing has different professionals concentrating only that one particular side of the publicity and marketing. For example, I write stuff as a ghost writer, which then is published under a name of someone else (or under the name of the company), which seems that this one person made it themselves. Not only that, I work in cooperation with others who do proofreading and if needed, take the job from me if I can't handle it. Someone else keeps contact to the company and tells me what to do. Someone else will check how SEO handles the stuff I made. Someone else will publish it and deal the aftermath. If needed, I always have other people who can help me to plan the content. I'm never alone even when I have my own field to work in.

As an independent, hobby level artist, you are ALWAYS alone.

And every single artist I know who does pretty well, hasn't gotten where they are alone. They've gotten some help from someone. They also use as much help from different programs etc. to make the work easier as comic drawing is very, very demanding and slow.

So, what you CAN do is the following:

1) Post your stuff online and reblog/retweet the shit out of it. Every now and then bring it back. Even after months! I recommend bringing back the posts that were most liked as there's something that touched the audience. If you want, you can check when the busiest hours are on that specific platform so you can reach the potential audience the best.

2) Check if you can market your stuff outside the social media. Any podcasts, newspapers, online news, youtubers, blogs etc. taking quests? Something were someone else can boost your stuff?

3) I noticed that a regular update schedule (once a week) was the best and kept the audience interested. Unfortunately, that's way too much for me at the moment and sure enough, the interest rate (and financial support) of the random readers dropped like a lead ball when my comics didn't update weekly. The loyal readers are still there.

4) This is the key element, do not ignore this; DO ONLY WHAT YOU LOVE TO DO. If you try to draw a comic you're not interested in with a style that's too complicated or time consuming to you, YOU WILL BE BURNED OUT. It's a fact. Sooner or later you hit the wall because this way, the creative process just takes and takes and takes.

5) The popular comics recycle trophes. Don't be afraid of them. Also, niche stuff is often well-received so don't be afraid to be weird.

--

For your 2nd question, I have no opinion. Money comes to money and all online pages (except AO3) are ran by advertisements. So, they need something that brings A LOT of people to their sides to see their advertisers adds, which then brings them money from the advertisers. Of course, they will naturally welcome really warmly really successful stuff. That's just how marketing is.

On the other hand, I understand the frustration when the platform made for hobbyist handling things alone on their free time is infested with professional comic teams which do the comics as a paid day job with big resources, and then have their free time for resting and recharging.

[angelicyoongie]

everything i brew, i brew it for you

⤷ 1.2k follower event request: Familiar!Seokjin x Witch!Reader + “I should’ve told you back then, but I didn’t want you to leave.” + Fluff/Angst ⤷ @softescapism​ said: seokjin x reader or OT7 x reader + prompt C8 + witch/familiar, fluff, sfw (hi! could you write a drabble/scenario/short fic for the follower event based on this, please? 💓) ⤷ word count: 2.1k ⤷ a/n: this is a little angsty in the beginning, but the ending is all fluff! i hope you like it!!

“There you are!” You grumble, snatching up a vial from the back of your cabinet. The little thing is covered with dust, the label yellowed with age and barely clinging on to the glass. But even then, there’s no mistaking the content. The shimmering pink powder inside makes you stomach flip uneasily, but you know it has to be done. You uncap the bottle before you can talk yourself out of it, carefully sprinkling the powder counter-clockwise into the boiling concoction in your pot. You can’t help but frown as it slowly turns from clear to bright pink, the stark colour mocking you as you throw in a pair of four leaf clovers with a little more force than necessary. The kitchen is quiet aside from the bubbling brew and the rhythmic tapping of your impatient fingers against the counter, your eyes resting nervously on the dark garden outside your window. You promised Seokjin years ago that you would never make this particular potion again, but you’ve run out of options.

You love being a potions witch, but truth be told, it’s probably the worst financial decision you could have made. All witches have to choose their niche the day they turn eighteen, and you, driven by the long list of potions witches in your ancestry, wanted to follow in their footsteps. What you didn’t account for however, is just how drastically the times have changed. Larger covens have started selling their potions online, making them in big batches to cut down on the cost and shipping them all across the country. There’s no longer a need for a town to have their own potions witch, not when you can get them delivered to your doorstep for a cheaper price. The mass produced potions are definitely not as potent as a singularly brewed ones, but it seems people care more about price than efficiency these days. Well, at least most people don’t care. And considering business has been dwindling so alarmingly fast over the last four months that you’re barely scraping by, there’s not a chance that you can lower your prices anymore than you already have.

You shake your head, trying your best to ignore the tendrils of guilt wrapping around your chest. As long as your familiar doesn’t find out about this order, there will be nothing for him to worry about. That's why you’re hunkered over the stove in the first place; desperately hoping that it will be done in time before he comes home. Tonight is Seokjin’s monthly familiar night with Hoseok and Namjoon, and the only window of alone time you have to make something like this. You murmur a quick incantation under your breath as you give the potion one last stir, watching as the pink brew slowly darkens to red. The sickly sweet smell that whiffs up from the cauldron almost makes you gag, but at least it tells you that the potion is almost complete.

You take a step back, throwing another glance towards the window as you count down the seconds in your head. Five minutes. That’s all you need. It’ll be finished, and you can finally hand over the love potion to your customer tomorrow. Despite your reservations and Seokjin’s hatred for that particular brew, it’s actually not that bad. It can’t force someone to fall in love, but it does make them more .. loose-lipped around their crush if they happen to have one. If anything, it’s honestly more of a rebranded truth serum. It does make you want to confess your feelings, and that’s also where the dubious morality of the potion comes in. Even if the person is already in love with someone, it still forces the recipient to act on emotions that they might not be ready to, or even want to share with their crush. You’ve turned down requests for this potion numerous times in the past, but this time, you truly can’t afford to. Seokjin might be older, but he’s still your familiar. Your responsibility. It’s not his fault that he decided to create a bond with you – a witch who can hardly sell enough potions to keep food on the table. You have honestly no idea how you managed to end up with a familiar like him, one that’s so utterly selfless and helpful. Seokjin’s guidance and assistance feels a little wasted on you, and you can’t help but think that your familiar should’ve ended up with a different witch. One that would actually be able to repay him properly for everything he does. You let out a deep sigh. You’ll just have to do better. Maybe you can try to set up one of those witchgram accounts Taehyung is doing so well on, after all, the ritual witch’s sales has been increasing.

The brew suddenly releases a puff of red smoke, signaling its completion. You hastily grab an empty bottle, scooping up as much as possible as you fill the vial to the brim. ”Shit, not yet,” You can suddenly feel the familiar itch behind your right ear, a telltale sign that Seokjin will be home soon. You scramble to turn off the oven as you hear your familiar open the back door, just about managing to shove in a cork at the top of the bottle and hide it behind your back as Seokjin steps into the kitchen.

”Hey! How was your night out?” You lean awkwardly against the counter, bottle digging into your back as you press it flush against your body.

”It was good,” Your heart flutters as Seokjin comes closer, the handsome features never failing to make your heart skip a treacherous beat. ”How was your night?” Your familiar raises an eyebrow as he takes in your awkward posture, the lingering scent of magic in the air betraying what you’ve been up to while he was gone.

”Boring! You know, just very normal and .. boring,” You wince. You breath hitches as Seokjin stalks closer, the frown tugging on his lips causing another wave of guilt to crash through you. You brain shuts down as he cages you in against the counter, and you swear you only blink before you find yourself staring at a red vial in front of your face, your hand grasping around air.

”I see,” Seokjin huffs, ”It’s so very boring and normal to brew a potion we agreed we wouldn’t sell.” As Seokjin stares down at the bottle with disdain before he places it on the counter, you can’t help but shrink against the wood, wracking your brain to figure out a good excuse. You can’t explain why you did it without exposing Seokjin to yourfinancial issues, and you have no plans of doing it – but, then you catch your familiar’s gaze, his kind eyes filled with saddened disappointment as he says, ”Y/n, why would you do this behind my back?”

The reason bubbles up your throat before you can stop it, the words bitter on your tongue as you blurt out a panicked, ”I had to! Business isn’t going well and we need the money, I couldn’t turn the customer away.” You register the flash of shock in Seokjin’s eyes, the purple tint around his brown irises brightening before he gets it under control. Your familiar runs a hand through his hair, leaving the dark locks messy and disheveled as he let out a deep sigh.

”For how long has this been going on?” You slump against the counter, adverting your eyes down to the floor as you mumble, ”Four months. I should’ve told you back then, but I didn’t want you to leave. I thought I could fix it before it became too much of a problem .. I just didn’t want to make you regret choosing me.”

Seokjin’s eyes soften, an exasperated huff of air leaving his lips as he places his fingers under your chin, tilting your head back up. ”Y/n, I would never regret choosing you as my witch,” Your familiar keeps his gaze locked with yours, his eyes urging you to understand the sincerity behind his words. "I just wish you had told me, we could have worked this out together much earlier.”

”I didn’t want you to worry,” You frown. "You already do so much by making deliveries and gathering ingredients, and I didn’t want to burden you more." You feel your breath hitch as Seokjin’s hand moves from your chin to cup your cheek, his touch gentle as he runs his thumb across your skin.

“That’s what I’m supposed to do as your familiar, Y/n. I’m here to help you and guide you, but I can’t do that if you don’t tell me when something’s wrong.” You know that, you really do, but it’s still hard to accept sometimes – the fact that you can’t solve everything on your own.

“I’m sorry,” You pout.

”I know,” Seokjin nods, a faint smile on his lips as he moves his hands to your back, pulling you into a hug. ”Just talk to me next time, yeah?”

”I will, I promise,” Your voice is muffled by the thick material of his sweater, but you know your familiar hears you as his arms tighten around your waist in response.

”Good,” Seokjin’s voice is fond as his fingers draw small patterns against your back. You feel yourself relaxing into Seokjin’s hold, your body melting against his as he rests his head on top of yours. ”How are we going to fix it though? I’ve tried almost everything I can think of. There’s nothing that beats low prices and convenience,” You sigh.

”Of course there is,” You pull back at the affronted tone in Seokjin’s voice, your familiar looking down at you like you personally offended him. Seokjin releases you from his hold, his hands flying up to cup his face as he says, ”I can beat that. This–” He points wildly at his face, ”–is sure to bring business in again. No one can resist the opportunity to glance upon this handsome face.” You snort at the expectant expression on his face, rolling your eyes so hard it feels like they’re close to popping out. As much as you like teasing Seokjin for his confidence, he’s not wrong. There’s no one in this town that can come close to Seokjin’s handsomeness, and well, everyone knows it. That’s the biggest reason you have Seokjin running errands and making deliveries, because it means he won’t have to deal with being ogled by all the customers that stop by. For all the banter and smiles he would flash at your customers, you could tell it made your familiar uncomfortable. You could see the way he gently tried to pull away when touches lingered a little too long on his arms, his ears stained a permanent red the days he worked out in the shop.

”Making money isn’t worth it if means you’ll have to do something that makes you uncomfortable,” You shake your head, ignoring the flutter in your chest as you grasp Seokjin’s hands, pulling them away from his face.

”I’ll be fine,” Seokjin says. It’s your familiar’s turn to roll his eyes as he sees the doubtful look on your face. ”I mean it. Please trust me just this once? I’ll let you know the moment it gets too much.”

You hesitate, using the extra seconds to search his face for any uncertainty. ”Fine,” You grumble. You owe it to your familiar to at least extend the trust he has given you back to him.

”Don’t look so sad Y/n, you know you’re the only witch that gets unlimited access to my handsome face,” Seokjin grins.

”Shut up,” You groan, pushing lightly at his chest. You can feel the heat creeping up your neck as Seokjin looks down at you, and you find yourself thankful that familiars don’t have enhanced hearing, otherwise your heart would’ve surely given you away years ago. Something flickers in Seokjin’s eyes, and your familiar’s grin turns heart wrenchingly soft as he ducks his head down.

”I do mean it Y/n, you really are the only witch for me.” You freeze as Seokjin leans in, your blood rushing in your ears as you feel your familiar’s plush lips press against the corner of your mouth. As your brain finally catches up to what just happened, Seokjin has already pulled back. The spot he kissed is burning against your skin, and you barely manage to make sense of Seokjin’s warm gaze lingering on your lips before his eyes flicker behind your back, eyebrow quirking as he says, ”Now, what should we do about that potion?”  

Click here for the 1.2 follower event masterlist! Please leave a comment/reblog/like if you enjoyed :) If you enjoy my stories, you can support me here! 💖

[astaroth1357]

Demon Brothers Meeting the MC’s Family

I mean, if they have any family at all, what could they even tell them anyway? “Sorry Mom, still in Hell so I won’t make Thanksgiving but I’m doing great though!” This is another long one folks, but I lowkey kind of love it a whole lot. Sooo fun to write. One of my favorite posts so far.

Lucifer

Thinks it's a little weird that they’re so adamant to introduce their family to a literal demon but also kinda gets it. Family is the most important thing to him too.

Is very focused on making a good first impression, from image to attitude. Their approval isn’t going to do jack to stop him from being with the MC but he’d still take pride in being able to charm them for a night. Besides, if the MC cares then so does he.

Has more experience with the human world than the others so he’d know a lot of the do’s and don'ts already. They won’t need to worry about him making some kind of slip up.

Would love the irony if the MC’s family is religious at all. Christian/Jewish especially. May or may not play along with their little rituals but is going to make a lot of thinly veiled, passive-aggressive comments towards his "old man."

Would be most comfortable in a setting where there’s a lot of intellectual discussion or debate. He loves to steer a conversation down towards politics or other controversial things to get a rise out of people. The MC may need to reign him in if that’s a big no-go zone.

Isn’t really going to get along with any younger siblings the MC might have. Either he’s too stiff or too scary. If they’re looking for a playmate, look somewhere else.

Also not going to be particularly fond of any pets they have one way or another. Though he may take a shine to pitbulls or rottweilers because they remind him of Cerberus.

Mammon

You sure about this, MC? Him? Really? Are you really sure? He’s going to think they're crazy but he’s not going to refuse.

Will be so freaking excited if they’re from a well-to-do or, dare say, rich family. So much stuff to steal admire. Yeah, yeah no stealing from the MC’s family, he gets it... He’ll really try his best but it might be good to keep an eye on him.

Surprisingly though, he’s not going to be disgusted if they’re from a poor family either because the dude gets it. Money is hard to come by and things can be tough. He might even… pay... for some stuff while he’s there... You know, if he can. Don’t make a big deal out of it… He's got an image to keep.

He’ll try his best to not come off like a total scumbag and it may actually work. He’s rough around the edges but there’s plenty of chances for his better side to shine through as long as he stays on good behavior. 

They will have to be sure that he doesn’t get to talking too much because his dumbass will let it slip that he’s a demon. 

Mammon may not love kids but kids love him and any younger siblings are going to do the same. Even if he calls them little gremlins, he’ll let himself get roped into whatever game they’re playing and make it a lot of fun in the process.

Bring on the pets! He’s more of a dog person but he’ll play with a cat too. He may not be as animal-obsessed as Satan but he loves a good furry companion every once in a while.

Leviathan 

NOOOOO and you can’t make him!!! A social event involving strangers where he has to make a good impression?? Fuck no, that sounds like actual hell and he doesn’t want anything to do with it!

… But he also can’t just let the MC go back to the human world alone because what if they meet someone better than him and get reminded that they’re with a good-for-nothing otaku…? Okay he's going. But he’s going to pout about it.

His first impression is going to make him come off like a nervous wreck no matter what. There’s really no polishing this bundle of anxiety. The best he can hope for is to ride this thing out until it's done.

Will be pretty quiet and cling to the MC like a life-raft the entire night. Refuses to be left alone with their family in any capacity, he could not handle the awkward silence. If they’re going to the bathroom, then he’s going too damnit.

If they have a pretty nerdy family then he might be a bit more comfortable. Especially if any of their siblings/parents game or are into anime. Steering conversation more towards his comfort zones will help him out a lot...

If they have little siblings who play a lot of video games then he is going to be the coolest person in the world. Period. He knows all the best strategies to practically any game out there, demonic or human. He may even loosen up a little bit and start smiling if he gets to wow an audience with his gaming prowess!

Like Lucifer he’s not going to be all that impressed with pets either way. He’ll think fish are pretty neat and probably even reptiles too but don’t expect him to get too cuddly with a dog or anything.

Satan

Doesn’t hate the idea but agrees that his name is going to have to change if they’re really serious about it. “Hey everybody this is my boyfriend, Satan!” is only going to be appealing to very niche circles...

Like Lucifer, he's going to be mindful of how he comes across. He'd rather the MC's family likes him than didn't, even if it's irrelevant, so expect him to be very polite and sociable. Damn near the perfect gentleman.

… Until something/someone sets off his temper. He may not go full Wrath on the situation but it's probably best to get him out of the room real quick so he can cool down.

Would love if the MC comes from an super educated family but it’s not a must. He's the kind of guy who will ask a lot of questions about any person's profession/skills and how things work regardless of background. He's curious that way.

Either way, he is going to show off his smarts and make sure that their family knows where his intellect is at. He wants them to know that the MC picked someone with a good head on their shoulders, after all.

Best keep him away from small children and bratty teens. He isn't exactly opposed to kids, but it takes one little shit to set him off and NO ONE looks good yelling at someone else's kid. Deserved or not.

Will there be cats? Do you have a cat? Please say you have a cat! He's okay with dogs too but if the MC has a cat this man will be ecstatic. The cat will love him and he will love it right back. Honestly, he's already adopted it. It's his now. Who's MC?

Asmodeus

Baby, you can take him anywhere and he’ll be the life of the party! A little family gathering doesn’t matter to him.

Is going to make sure that the moment he walks through the door the MC's family is in awe of what a catch they've got for themselves. He wants them to be proud of their little MC! To him, that translates to looking good and being fun!

Hope this is a house used to physical affection because he will not (and probably cannot) turn it off. Everyone gets hugs. Everyone.

Extra affectionate the whole night. He'll hold the MC's hand or arm or waist or really any part he can get away with. Kisses on the head and cheek aplenty. He may also lowkey butter up their parents with loads of compliments no matter what situation they're in.

If he's told to cool it on the touching though, he may get offended.

Is going to be better with teenage siblings than little, little ones. The man lives to give dating advice, fashion tips, or makeovers, you name it. Though he has to be careful to mention just human products and not some of the stuff he has back home.

Animal fur on his clothes? After he dressed himself so carefully?? No thanks. You can have your cute puppy or your little kitty. He'll take pictures, but he's probably not going pet much.

Beelzebub

Is honestly kind of honored by the suggestion. The MC is already a part of his family so it only seems natural to make him part of theirs. Though he has some reservations, mostly around his appetite...

He doesn't go up to the human world very much because it's really hard for him to stay fed. He's well-known enough in the Devildom that restaurants know what to expect when he walks in. Not so much up there.

Arrange the meeting around a state fair, festival, or carnival where the food is plentiful and he's golden. Hopefully their family won't be too disturbed by how bottomless his stomach is…

Beel is a sweetheart through and through but his lack of knowledge about how the human world, or humans in general, work might come back to bite him. He may need a little 101 about human manners before going.

Truthfully, their family is in for a real treat! This giant may look intimidating, but he's as gentle as they come. The kind of guy who will carry their grandmother’s bags with a smile on his face just for the sake of being helpful. 10/10 Sweetie, mother will approve.

Ooooh little kids are going to love Beel. He'll let their siblings hang off of him like a jungle gym. Will also play games with them if they want him to. Doesn't matter to him, their family is his family too and he wants to see them all happy.

Man wants dogs. Preferably big ones that he can rough-house with but little dogs he can cuddle work too. Do remind him that he can't just rip a whole-ass branch off a tree to play fetch like you could with Cerberus.

Belphegor

Really? You want that? Lol, okay but no promises. This is pretty much the equivalent of sticking two unlabeled chemicals together in a beaker and leaning in to see what happens. Who knows, but now you're stuck in the middle of it.

He's not going to try especially hard to make a good impression or change himself in any way. If their family is into people who are kind of chill and sarcastic then he'll get along swimmingly. If they were expecting more of a Satan type, yeah. No. He's not holding open any doors.

Won't be taking the whole thing all that seriously to be honest, like, what are a bunch of humans going to do if they don’t like him? Tell MC? They're certainly not going to be able to make him leave. He's humoring them at best, even if he's nice, so why bother fussing about it?

Might be a disrespectful little troll at times like pretending to fall asleep or making casual jokes like "Oh no, ma'am. I'm not all that comfortable with that cross over there because I'm a demon. …. Got ya, didn’t I? That'd be silly." *shit-eating grin*

Would appreciate a quiet, slightly introverted family the most. He's going to start getting annoyed if people in the house are too loud and may speed the whole thing along as a result.

Kids are things he'd rather avoid than have to interact with, but if pressed he will humor the little ones too. Don't expect him to do a whole lot of moving, though. If they're happy to just show him things that he can semi-pay attention to, that works for him.

MC has a pet? Is it fluffy? Is it lazy? Bring'em here. Like Beel, he likes big dogs but would rather just bury his face in fluff than try to wrestle it. He may actually fall asleep with them if they lay still enough for it.

[foryoumyheroes]

Their S/O takes them to an Asian House Party

[Midoriya + Todoroki + Bakugou + Kaminari + Kirishima] 

A/N:  Hey here’s a niche that no one asked for. 

I know that Japanese is a type of Asian but I am a wildly different type of Asian 🤣🤣, so my headcanons are based entirely off of being this other racial group. 

I just want to say that most of the time older Asian relatives really step out of line with their comments and can be really hurtful. I absolutely hate that behavior and their mindset, but for the purposes of this let’s just say that they’re not being harmful at all and it’s mostly light teasing :) If they’re like that in real life :) screw them >:) Also P.S. if these sound familiar it’s because I’ve recycled a lot of ideas from my other blog where I wrote “Asian House Party” headcanons already! 

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, hints at underage drinking  

Midoriya Izuku: 

For the longest time it has only been him and his mom, so when he enters the house and sees it packed with people his brain just goes blank because this is a family party. 

These people are all related to you somehow?? 

He asks you how you guys are all related and you’re genuinely like, “I don’t know???” You just call everyone auntie and uncle and hope for the best.  

If you start taking him to parties before he becomes a Pro, he has enough of a baby face that your older relatives and grandparents give him a red envelope without thinking too hard about it. But he gets so embarrassed and feels so bad that he ends up giving it to your mom. 

At his first party he’s supperrr nervous and wants your family to like him. He’s stuttering nearly every other syllable. 

Never leaves your side. Trails behind you like a puppy the entire time. 

After he’s been to several parties with your family, they recognize his red Nike Air Forces in the pile of shoes outside the house enough to be like, “Hey, [Name]! Your boyfriend’s here!” 

Midoriya is kinda of a pushover during the beginning of the series, and Asian families have the tendency to tease without knowing how it might sound, so he becomes an easy target until you pull him aside and tell him to argue back. 

He’s like noooo I don’t want to be disrespectful :(. He says that he’s used to bullying so this is nothing which makes you kinda sad and angry. You’re like hahahaha no. 

You two eventually get your family to stop and that’s when he’s finally indoctrinated into your fam. 

He’s kind of the quintessential Asian boyfriend? He goes to a good school, is sweet and innocent, polite to elders, etc. When he goes to the party with you your aunties are going to your cousins and say, “Why can’t you get a boyfriend like [Name].” 

Your female relatives kinda baby him because every time they see him he’s always in a new cast with another broken bone, so when there’s no more space left on the couches or the folding stools they kick your cousins off to make room for him. 

When he later becomes Pro-Hero Deku, everyone’s in love with him. He becomes the talk of the party. Everyone brags about him saying that they practically saw him grow up when they only see him once or twice a year. 

He also becomes the “cool uncle” that offers to take your younger relatives out for boba. But you pay. You have to pay or else your mom will yell at you for making the guest spend money. 

Yes, you will polite fight your own boyfriend. 

No, he will not win, but he’s determined to win one time like the shonen protag he is. 

Always leaves the party with the large trays of leftovers for him and his mom. 

Even when he’s like in his late twenties he’s still sitting at the kid’s table. 

Todoroki Shouto: 

When you first invited him to a party with your family he’s just like, “Oh. Sure.” Most of the parties he’s been to is the rich people parties that his dad took him to for publicity, so he arrives to the house in a whole suit and tie. 

Your cousins and uncles are clowning him while the older women swoon. You’re in the background panicking because everyone else is in sweats or shorts while he looks like he’s going to prom?? 

[Your auntie says, “Oh my god, he’s making such a good first impression!” 

You: Hahahaha! Yea!〔´∇｀〕

Inner You: Oh god I forgot he’s clueless ⊙▽⊙] 

Brings an expensive pastry every time because Fuyumi said it was polite. From that everyone’s like, “Oh??? You’re invited to every party from now on!” 

Becomes the source of your mom’s humble brag. “Oh, your son goes to Stanford and is studying medicine? My kid and their boyfriend are both Heroes-in-training and he’s the son of the Number One Hero — “ 

Kinda just does whatever your aunties and mom tells him to do? 

He’ll sit wherever they tell him to sit, even if it’s far away from you and he’ll even take the many family photos for you guys in the end. Even though he’s shit at photography. 

If they’re like, “Oh, you’re so skinny, you should eat some more!” He’ll just shrug and be like okay, and doesn’t stop them when they continue to put food on his plate even though he’s full and gets into a big food coma that knocks him out on the couch right away. 

Every time he appears, your aunties will just stop and say, “Oh, he’s so handsome!” 

He’s getting better at handling kids and it shows by the way he’s more willing to play with them then hang out with your cousins that are around your age. He’s in the room upstairs and is ;; just napping with them.   

The kids in the party call him Zuko.  

Before you brought him your aunts and uncles would be like, “Do you have a boyfriend?? Do you have a girlfriend??” and you would say, “Yeah, Todoroki Shouto.” And they would laugh in your face. 

NO ONE BELIEVED THAT HE WAS YOUR BOYFRIEND UNTIL YOU BROUGHT PROOF!! HERE HE IS !! IN THE FLESH!! 

I feel like he would have the most culture shock? You guys conduct yourself in such a different way than his own family and from everyone in 1-A. You guys go batshit insane. 

When you wake him up and offer to walk him to the train station to take him home, he offers to walk you back to your house as well and you say, “Oh, I’m going back to the party after this.” 

It’s almost midnight?? 

He asks you where are you going to sleep or if you’re going to sleep at all and you don’t know how to explain the concept of how you and all of your cousins and siblings are going to cram into one room upstairs and sleep on every blanket in the house on the floor while only three or four lucky relatives are able to get the bed. 

Older Asians have no filter so they will straight up say to his face that he looks nothing like his dad he’ll just go, “ :’) Thank you, that means a lot to me.” 

Before Endeavor’s redemption arc he’s prone to oversharing and one day he tells your mom that his dad is a piece of shit and his mom is in the hospital. 

Your mom, taking her sandal and holding it like a weapon: Oh? Where’s your father?? I just want to talk. Your mom is welcome to every [Surname] party from now on!! Haha! (◕ᴗ◕✿)

His brain is doing backflips trying to figure out how you’re related to everyone. 

The only guy that neatly puts his shoes off to the side at the front door. 

Bakugou Katsuki: 

At first you didn’t invite him to the party, he kinda just figures it out from how your relatives are all tagging you on social media and forces you to invite him. 

Not because you’re ashamed of him but because they’re somewhat overbearing ;; and Bakugou has no filter. 

For someone who’s so “badass” he’s super anal about the rules and punctuality. 

You tell him the party is at 18:00 and by 17:45 he goes into your house and finds you still napping with your PJs on. Even though you tell him that the party isn’t really starting at six he doesn’t listen. He forces you to get dressed and takes you to the party and whatdoyouknow no one is there yet. No one is going to be here until at least two hours after the designated time. 

He instead forces you to help the women in the kitchen prepare the food, aka he’s helping while you laze around in the living room. 

All of the women are like, “Wow! You can cook so well! [Name] you should be more like him!!” 

If this is the first time he meets your entire extended family, he’s inwardly hyping himself up to make a good first impression. If you are not Japanese, he manages to memorize several greetings in your language and the proper formalities when greeting an older relative. Then he goes in and everyone’s already drinking and screaming their throats out to karaoke. 

When he walks into the party with his black tank top and saggy pants everyone’s first thought is that he’s an Asian Baby Boy. Like he probably takes social media pictures in front of cars, is going to break your heart, goes to raves, is named Kevin Nguyen. 

Everyone is loud af at this party so they don’t really care that he’s screaming. They love teasing the shit out of him because his reactions are so fucking funny. 

When one of your uncles offers you alcohol he immediately snatches it away from you. No, you guys are underage, have an athletic lifestyle, and he’s so protective of you asdfg 

He’s been so focused on being a Hero that when your cousins play against him in video games or card games he loses horribly. He’ll just keep going, “One more round!” until he finally wins. 

Your mom forces you to do a convenience store run to get something that the party is running out of and when you come back Bakugou managed to find is way into the “women” side of the room where they’re all gossiping with him and playing poker together like they’ve been friends forever. 

Your mom honest-to-god acts like he’s more of her child than you are. 

When you guys finally get your families to meet, his mom and your female relatives are going to be so powerful together. 

Is trying his damned hardest to get through the entire party because it can go all night long and he sleeps at 8:30PM. 

Kaminari Denki: 

The KING of the Asian House Party.

Absolutely CRUSHES it at karaoke with your family. Even though he might not speak your language, he’s putting so much passion into it that no one cares anyway. 

Sings so loud that the neighbors complain. 

Your family loves him because he’s just so happy-go-lucky. The life of the party. 

He goes around eating all night and continually asks you, “Hey [Name], what’s this? What’s this one?” 

You can drop him off in the designated kids room and not see him for hours on end. He’s too busy playing video games with your cousins and siblings. 

But he’s such a sucker. Your uncles and older cousins pull him into any gambling game and he loses so bad, even if he’s gambling things like candy or food. 

Kinda gullible when your family teases him?? If you’re not Japanese they teach him an insult in your language but tell him it’s a complement or “It’s like saying, I love you more than words,” and they send him off to tell you it. 

And he acts super fucking cocky like the e-boy smirk while he’s rubbing his hands together, and biting his lip and shit. While you’re just sitting on the stool with a drink in your hand like, “Okay....” 

He tells you the insult and butchers the pronunciation already, but acts like you’re about to fall in his arms and you just ;; burst out laughing ;;; until you fall off your chair. 

Has the party time down pat. He won’t arrive until three hours later, and that’s when you tell him an earlier time than everyone else. 

Will drink anything your uncle offers up. He’s a lightweight. You end up half-carrying him half-dragging him back to his house. Nearly trips on the sea of shoes outside the front door and falls on you. 

You’re just lucky that he doesn’t discharge his Quirk randomly when he’s drunk.

Doesn’t get Asian glow.  

When your mom discovers you struggling outside she just tells him to sleep over and if this is his first party with you guys, you’re able to get the bed because he’s the guest 😌😌. If he’s been here several times before, yeah ;; you guys are going back to a pile of blankets on the floor.  

Kirishima Eijirou: 

The “big brother” figure of the party. 

The kids love him and he’s willingly playing “Heroes and Villains” with them for hours. 

Since he’s so broad they hang off of him like a limpet and he walks around with children draped around him. 

Ngl... He walks into the party dressed like all of your other male cousins. 

Basketball shorts, t-shirt, crew socks. 

He’s able to find his shoes super fast at the end of the party because he’s the only person that’s willing to wear crocs. 

Willing to go outside with your cousins to play basketball with them but he’s so out of practice that he fumbles so bad. 

After several games he gets the hang of it and isn’t deadweight to your team anymore. 

LOVES going to your family’s parties because he gets to eat whatever he wants without holding back. Eats several plates and when someone suggests going to get ice cream he’s like, /gasp/ “Ice cream???” 

They were offering the little kids, but okay, a teenager can come along too. 

You’re never too old for ice cream. 

For some reason he’s able to get along with everyone at the party?? He just has a personality that makes him easy to talk to, and by the end of the night or the next day, he’s saying goodbye to everyone by name. 

[“No, wait, [Name], I haven’t said goodbye to your cousin’s sister-in-law’s daughter yet. 

You do a double-take because even you have no idea who that is.] 

When he gets a little bit older and he’s finally allowed to move out of the kid’s table and eat with the older male relatives he’s so ;;; awkward. 

They’re just all in the garage eating, drinking, and smoking and he’s just sitting there having no idea what to do. 

Eventually he convinces you to join him in the garage because he wants your emotional support and is super shocked when you fit right in. He’ll just ;;; go back to the kid’s table. 

Can’t sing to save his life. 

You guys heard him do karaoke once and you never let him do it again. 

If one of your relatives teases him he’s able to laugh it off and not think too much about it, but if they say something that might be hurtful to you he’s so quick to shut it down. He doesn’t care that they’re blood related to you or not. 

Does not let up until they apologize. 

For some reason all of the ladies are confused af when they find out that he dyed his hair?? They’re like omg is he a secret delinquent. 

LOVES to hear your relatives talk about what you were like when you were a kid. 

It’s embarrassing af but he just laughs it off like, “It’s okay, babe! You sound like you were super cute as a kid!” 

[tricktster]

Hey, I'm just letting you know I noticed some of your posts have been reposted on facebook by "Just Sock Thoughts"

Yeah, I feel like I get my Premium Original Content scooped by aggregators pretty frequently, and for the most part I don’t mind (or like... just don’t see it because I can’t bring myself to actually get into Instagram). But there are two aggregator incidents that stand out in my mind as particularly remarkable:

Incident 1:

I’d probably have a much bigger head about the relative frequency that one of my posts takes off if I didn’t know that becoming an Extremely Minor Internet Personality is way less about making good content than it is about... random luck, I guess. 

Like, this is actually a sideblog (so for any of my longtime buddies on here who might be wondering why I’m not following you? I prooooobably am). At the time I made this sideblog (2015-2016?), I never thought it would pick up more followers than the 200 or so I had managed to coax into following my main blog over the course of four-ish years. 

I was wrong, this account rapidly accumulated followers, and now I get scooped by aggregators on the reg. And like... it’s not like I’m doing anything different on this one than I was doing on my main, other than obscuring my identity a little better? I’m not funnier here, I’m not changing my formula, it’s just that I got enough followers when I first made this sideblog (through my patented process of Writing Explicit Undertale Fanfic in the Hopes of Getting Enough Monetary Donations That I Could Afford To Eat) that now even though I’m just posting my own weird niche bullshit on here, the odds are stacked in my favor towards any one of my posts picking up a lot of notes. If I posted the same exact thing on my extremely obscure main? The odds swing HARD the other way. In the 3-4 years before I made the trickster account, I was lucky to break 10 notes on a post, and 500 was as high as any of them went. 

Except for one. 

You’ve probably seen the post I’m talking about. It’s surpassed my most popular trickster posts by like... several hundreds of thousands of notes. I’m not linking it here for two reasons: 

A) I never scrubbed all my selfies off my main and I don’t need all y’all discovering that I’m hot as hell, and more importantly 

B) the post in question fucking sucks. 

It’s like the lowest effort meme, it’s smug and annoying, and it basically reeks of the worst era of r/athiesm. It’s the sort of shit that gets popular on facebook groups that wish they were “I fucking love science” but can’t achieve the same degree of quality... even though it’s an extremely low hurdle for them to jump. It evokes the concept of a fedora. Whenever I see it on tumblr, I want to hop in a time machine, travel back to the 17th century, convince Matsubayashi Henyasai to take me on as a pupil, train under his tutelage until he declares that I have mastered my chosen weapon, hop back into the time machine, travel to 2013, infiltrate my old apartment, and finally, at the precise moment my former self is about to click “post” on that dumbass meme, destroy her mouse, laptop, and cellphone with an incredibly accurate barrage of shurikens. 

Still, like... while it makes me cringe to my very soul whenever I encounter it, there’s a tiny part of me that has spent the last eight years just BASKING in the validation of knowing that there are several hundred thousand anonymous people out there who think I’m funny. It is not an attractive part of me, but shit, I’m an Extremely Minor Internet Personality, and you don’t become that unless you’re in some way motivated by the approval of anonymous strangers.

I’m giving you all this backstory so you can understand the significance of something that happened last month.

There I was, innocently scrolling through my news feed to see how my Trumpy uncle was justifying the whole coup thing, when I came upon a familiar image. I recoiled in horror, and then examined it more closely.

The Coolest Guy I Knew In College But Never Succeeded In Really Befriending (Because I Was Too Intimidated By How Cool He Was) had just shared my smug, cringy-as-hell meme from 2013 on his wall... and the version he had shared had been not only watermarked by one of the aforementioned wannabe “I fucking love science” groups, but also had a copyright symbol on it next to the name of some dude I’ve never even heard of.

THE MAELSTROM OF CONFLICTING EMOTIONS IS STILL OVERWHELMING ME TO THIS DAY. I AM WINCING. I AM INDIGNANT. I AM REASSESSING WHETHER THAT GUY WAS ACTUALLY AS COOL AS I THOUGHT HE WAS. I AM WEIRDLY AMUSED. I AM EXTREMELY CONFUSED. 

I AM SUSPICIOUS THAT SOMEONE MIGHT BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF MY NONSENSE, AND IF SO, I WOULD LIKE MY GODDAMN CUT. 

...

i’m fine

i’m gonna be fine

Incident 2:

This really requires a lot less elaboration than the last one, but @anagha-draws brought this aggregator post to my attention and I just can’t stop thinking about the fact that there’s a guy out there who got paid some amount of actual U.S. dollars to write a book report about the time I accidentally played WAP for my mom’s book club. 

[bluesockets]

HUGO WEIDERMANN ( HE/HIM ) is a CIS MALE, THIRTY-SEVEN year old THERAPIST & PSYCHIATRIST who has been living in Moorbrooke for TWO YEARS. They were born on MARCH 5 and right now, they are currently residing in REDGRAVE GROVE. It has been said that they look suspiciously like MATTHEW GRAY GUBLER and if they had to choose a song to describe themselves, they would choose HEAVY BALLOON by FIONA APPLE. ( ox, 21+, cst, he/him )

❮ it grows relentless like the teeth of a rat it's just got to keep on gnawing at me !! ❯ TW : ILLNESS, DRINKING MENT. !

full name : hugo weidermann. nicknames : he actually hates most derivatives of his name. calling him ‘huey’ is a one way ticket to getting your number blocked. pronouns : he/him. age : thirty-seven. date of birth : march 5, 1984. zodiac : pisces. gender : cis male. sexuality : gay. hometown : munich, germany. current residence : redgrave grove. languages spoken : german + english.

BIO !

—— hugo was born into a moderately wealthy family right in the middle of munich, germany. his parents pushed a lot of their #grindset on him and his baby sister. unfortunately for him, this meant a future of perfectionism and unrelenting gifted kid syndrome. he sacrificed a lot of his social needs for grades early in his life and after a while, it all became second nature. once in a blue moon he’d talk to his peers in scouting but he’d stutter, stumble over his words, and never quite found the right things to say. figuring himself a lost cause, he studied. he helped his mom with the garden. maybe occasionally played half life or duke nukem on the family computer. all of this dedication to perfection made him a shoe-in for harvard university, all the way over in the united states. his parents, father especially, encouraged the idea. that was all he needed to get himself on a plane to massachusetts. he was just glad his family could afford frequent flights back home, in case everything went to shit. —— when he first landed, hugo thought he’d only be in the states for school, but he ended up liking it a lot more than he thought he would. after finishing school and taking up a residency in downtown boston, he moved to new york. he made a good amount of money, was able to keep in touch with the few friends he met in college, and even secured a few long term relationships along the way. he hit his thirties and finally felt that he reached a point of contentment. this ... didn’t last long. —— right before he was able to buy his first house in the city he fell ill and, after seeing more doctors than he could count on both hands and feet, was diagnosed with lupus and rheumatoid arthritis. this wasn’t something he thought he was going to be able to handle by himself, so his sister came down from her home in germany to assist him with his daily needs. the two of them definitely couldn’t afford new york and medical bills on hugo’s salary alone, which led them to pack their bags and head to ( what his sister considered ) the next best option. moorbrooke, maine !! he wasn’t too stoked about this. he’d be leaving most of his support system behind and he knew absolutely nothing about the area, but his sister found a job there and it was a good place for him to start a private practice of his own. he’s still struggling over the loss of independence and the complete change from where he was in life before, but he’s coping ! after spending a lot of time inside and away from the people of moorbroke, he finally thinks he might be ready to actually make a life here. even if he wasn’t, his sister isn’t gonna move the two of them any time soon.

TIDBITS !

he’s a very nice dude and will totally engage with people, he just cannot bring himself to let his walls down. you really gotta know hugo well if you wanna have a conversation about anything serious without him deflecting the whole damn time.

his accent .... god rest his soul. he’s been living here for 20 years and sometimes people still need to take a second to understand him. especially when he drinks. two beers in and the man needs a translator.

speaking of drinking, he doesn’t do it often, and he can’t hold his liquor. i’d actually advise people to never give him alcohol. like, ever.

was on the rowing team in college. please don’t ask him about it. he’ll talk about it forever.

if it weren’t for his dog and his bees he’d be at rock bottom. outside of writing ( which i will get to in a jiffy ), beekeeping is his favorite hobby. ask him nicely and he might give you a jar of honey.

before coming down with lupus and RA he wrote two very boring books for psychiatrists and psychiatrists only. now that his focus has shifted away from his career a little bit, he’s in the middle of writing a poetry collection.

you will find this man at every bookstore in a 10 mile radius. he can’t be in the sun for too long so instead he likes to look at stuff he promises himself he won’t buy and then buys it anyway.

CONNECTIONS !

clients

he’s got fifteen clients on his caseload just to keep himself from losing his mind. he specializes in family, grief, trauma, and stress but doesn’t limit himself too much because of how small the town is. what i’m saying is : let hugo prescribe your characters drugs.

fellow beekeepers

he’s kept to himself a lot during his time in moorbrooke but his sister used to force him out at least some of the time. she drives him to beekeepers association events and conventions often enough, i would imagine it’d be a lot easier for him to talk to someone who shares the same niche hobby !! if your muse doesn’t keep bees, i’m always down for him to talk to some of the people who buy his honey at farmer’s markets.

former close friends

hugo met a lot of people ( particularly on harvard’s rowing team ) in college and during his stint in new york. i’m sure it’d be great for him to meet someone he knew up here because he’s honestly so tired of having to get used to new situations by himself.

flirtationship but hugo is oblivious the entire time

this guy is definitely the type to flirt with people on accident. i think it’d be really fuckin funny if he was flirting back and forth w someone he wasn’t consciously flirting with in the first place.

😏

listen the only thing i love playing out more slow burn self improvement and found family is romance. he’s been single since he was in new york and i think he deserves a little smooch. please dm me if your muse is also deserving of a little smooch.

etc, etc, etc !

there’s definitely more i want. i want everything you have to give me. however, if you’re in need of specifics, i would love to see : his doctors, people he can become friends with + let his walls down around, people he can teach german to, other authors, beta readers, and neighbors !

what am i missing. ah, yes.

pinterest / spotify [coming soon!]

[beetlemancy]

Anon again: Thank you!! I appreciate you taking the time to answer me because I am kind of active in the community but very very new. I did know your opinions but being new I just wanted to know whether those recent posts held any weight. I want to be socially responsible with my media consumption and I was worried there was something I was missing, given I have seen specific call outs for certain cast members (Travis, Laura, Sam, and Liam) recently. Thanks again!!

Anon pt2: you don’t have to post this but for context the call out posts were as follows: Travis actively supports the military, Laura voiced a black character?, Sam did brown face??, and Liam is fake woke/virtual signaling (or something along those lines). Obviously I can find out information about this for myself but I have seen more anti-CR stuff lately which prompted my ask.

As with everything, I suggest you do your own reading on those topics, and any topic that comes up in regards to the media you watch. Below is simply my opinion. Note: this gets long.

Travis does support the military - but not as an institution. He has family in the military. He supports the soldiers. He works with Operation Supply Drop and I’d encourage you to look into OSD specifically. Whether you agree with the idea that we should even have a military or not, you cannot deny that our veterans and soldiers are given the short end of the stick. We cannot just abandon them because helping them might be viewed as giving money to the military. I have so many military vets in my disability groups. The VA is awful because it has no funding (I know good people who work at the VA too, but they just cannot help everyone like they’d want to). Programs like OSD are genuinely helpful to a lot of hurting folk and the people who shit on Travis and CR for promoting and helping them out have clearly never actually sat down and talked to a vet or a soldier before. 

Laura and many many other voice actors have voiced people of color in various shows. Yes, this is a legit problem. However, obviously as with most things, the problem is nuanced. The fault mainly lies with the VO industry as a whole, in that actors actually have very little control over what they do. There was a whole strike about this very topic (though the strike covered other issues in the industry as well). In the case of Laura, for instance, she was never told what her character would look like until after the fact. And that is super common in the industry. One of the things they tried to get in the strike was more transparency so that actors could make the decisions themselves whether to voice characters or not - not just based on race or culture but also based on type of work (stressful screaming vs chill dialogue) and whether the content of the game itself was something they wanted their name attached to. 

Sam’s blackface scandal is extremely old news. That’s not to say it isn’t important to note, and in fact Sam made a point to note it again back in 2018. I know people who can’t watch CR because of it, even after his apology, and that’s fine because its not my place to judge others for how they react to that kind of thing. However I know a lot of people who read his apology and the circumstances surrounding it and decided to forgive. To some people, the fact that he was asked to do so by will.i.am changes the situation. To others, it doesn’t. To some the fact that he apologized and has clearly worked to improve his behavior matters, to others it doesn’t. You have to decide that for yourself. You can read Sam’s letter HERE. 

Now. Regarding Liam. * sigh * I think, and again this is my opinion, that you cannot proclaim someone you do not know as ‘fake woke.’ I think there are parts of this fandom that have it out for Liam because of a whole bunch of gross reasons, many of which I’ve spoken about before. He is sensitive and a man - that makes people uncomfy. He plays a lot of women characters and tends to embody them in both personality and body language - that makes people uncomfy. He fully embraces the bi energy (this is not to say whether he himself is or not) - that makes a lot of people uncomfy (and angry). He loves theatre and loves to explore the human condition, warts and all - that makes people super uncomfy. Now. There are people who thinks he’s homophobic. Do you know why? Its because his bi character ended up with a woman instead of a man. That is biphobia, no matter how they twist it. Bi people being “allowed” to be bi and not ‘pick the right side’ in the LG (not BT, lets be real) community IS revolutionary because its so very hated. 

Another reason they say he’s homophobic is because of the jokes he is often involved in - some gay men in the fandom believe that joking about sex is him ‘making fun’ of gay relationships. As a bi enby, I disagree, and I read many of the jokes he himself makes as the kind of humor I use among my own friends. I think there is a definite disconnect between bi vs LG humor and I’m not entirely sure who would be considered in the ‘right’ on that. However, when LG people in the fandom claim that he cannot talk about gay relationships because he is cishet? They cannot know that. That is an assumption they are making. When LG fans say that he alone is responsible for this issue and not -literally every single member of CR- ? I have to question whether its really the issue and not just that they still hate Liam for deigning to make a bi character bi instead of gay.

Another thing re: Liam. Aside from Marisha, he is the one I see the most hate about. People on Twitter and Tumblr both have legit uttered death threats about him if he doesn’t do exactly what they want his characters to do in the game. Usually this is about shipping. I have seen people claim that they WISH he was ‘like vic mignogna’ so they’d have a reason to hate him more. I’ve seen a certain group of people and one in particular say they have ‘dirt’ on him but refuse to say what the dirt is - and yet continually bring up that it exists, but that they just cannot say. Why would you incessantly bring up information you possess just to say that you cannot divulge such information? 

Legit issues about CR that is attached to Liam is the whitewashing issue. Some say that only Liam is responsible here because he controls all the art. I would say that we actually don’t know that for sure. He is ‘Art Dad’ and clearly has some pull. I do think that CR should address this issue, but I’m not sure they can legally do what the fandom wants them to do, which is “call-out” artists by name and denounce them. Now, this too is more nuanced than the fandom makes out because its often way more about colorism vs whitewashing. Many people do not draw Beau as white, but they do draw her as much lighter skin tones than her original art. Colorism is a real problem, but white allies tend to go about talking about it wrong or making smaller things a bigger deal when POC would really rather talk about something more important to them. It was these same white allies that tore Mica Burton apart on Twitter because she liked and enjoyed a drawing of Reani, her own character, that was a few shades lighter than the drawing she herself had brought in, even after she had said that she appreciated the variety of skin tones due to seeing herself in each of them. On the topic of whitewashing/colorism in the fandom, I personally tend to wait to hear from POC over the masses of white allies.

The CR fandom is very big for a niche thing like DnD. As such, there are many many corners of the fandom that can get really jaded, really dark, and really up their own ass in regards to the discourse. There are legitimate issues in the fandom and with CR as a whole. Nothing is perfect, nothing ever will be perfect, and people should absolutely do what they can to do better and to ask their media to do better. That being said, there are also people who think that if you don’t do something exactly like they want, then you’re Problematic by default. There are also members of this fandom who have an active vendetta against certain cast members and will use any opportunity to co-opt legit issues in order to shore up their false arguments. These people are only using the real issues and it becomes clear pretty quickly that they don’t actually give a shit about the people they say they are trying to speak up for. 

There is also some fandom drama that has occurred ONLY in fandom and has absolutely nothing to do with CR other than the fact that the people involved happen to be CR fans. Certain people in the fandom think that CR should arbitrate this issue and involve themselves, call out the individuals responsible, etc. This is, I believe, a GROSS misconception of what CR’s role is and asking way too much of a source of entertainment. The fact that CR has not involved themselves in this issue has led certain members of this fandom to claim that CR is homophobic. I would caution that most callouts of CR as homophobic are directly linked to this first issue, and also a callback to the Vaxleth drama from campaign one, and is incontrovertibly tied to bi and enby-phobia and a seriously sick misunderstanding of the responsibilities a show has versus the responsibility individuals have as viewers of said show. 

That’s it for now. I could go way more in depth on this problems, but I’m tired of typing. Suffice it to say, its easy to make a list of things Problematic with CR, but once you actually delve into each topic hopefully you’ll realize how complicated and filled with nuance and Different Opinions going on back from the first episode of Campaign One... Listing problems without actually addressing them head-on isn’t a good way to deal with the problems that are true anyway, let alone tell them from the false ones. 

[gyujeongfmd]

restructuring task 1 / changes *+10 ecp

1. assuming your muse has changed in some way, be it internally or as a result of a change of the external factors around them, how is your muse different? these can be as small as an opinion on a song they hadn’t released previously or as big as a major change in their background. (wc / 297)

if the spectrum lies in minjung not changing at all, and taejin doing a 180. then, gyu’s right in the middle. there are a few changes — one being that now he dances, and he’s no longer a main rapper. but the dancing portion isn’t something he trained on or necessarily has a passion about, but instead something that comes instinctively to him? he’s the opposite of a 몸치 aka he is the opposite of not having any sense of rhythm. that kind of stuff comes natural to him, and even when he was underground inside his hyung’s apartment — his dancing was above average for someone who’s never had a dancing skill. however, that becomes polished once he enters gold star.

another change is that he’s at gold star now — it came about when he tried to audition for show me the money as a young child, but instead got recruited (all thanks to his looks. but turns out he’s more than a pretty face). this meant he trained under gold star and they promised him a bunch of things? he believed it because he was still naive, and under the thought that he’d find some freedom by debuting as an idol (he had no idea what idols did prior to this, or a bad general understanding).

i’d say his general change is his attitude towards his group? knight was more focused on him not liking his group at all, but with platinum he feels in a way sorry though he doesn’t outwardly show it. there’s some sense of brotherly bond but not enough to tether him, but also not far off that it brings him to completely leave. as a result, he’s in limbo about how he is — still grappling with that one day at a time.

2. what does your muse think of their company and their group? (wc / 259)

compared to bc, gyujeong likes gold star. at least, enough that he doesn’t outwardly want to start a smear campaign about bang sunyoung like he did with kim byungchul. that being said, he doesn’t really like the company either — the noonas that recruited him promised everything and for a while, when he was a trainee he did get good treatment compared to the half basements he was living in with his hyungs. however, he debuted and he realized that this was all bullshit — everything they promised was gone and done especially when the songs he releases are complete shit and they rarely let him take a hand on it. (well, that’s because of his punishment).he realizes now that there’s no freedom in debuting, and a bit too late. it’s hardened him to the point where he blames gold star for his big downfall of being this new persona he wasn’t when he was a child.

as for his group? he doesn’t hate his group nor does he love his group either. the music they release, he thinks is corny for the most part — especially the ballady nature. however, he feels somewhat sorry for dragging them down in a way? he feels the shit they get is mainly because of him, and he feels some loyalty to his group especially because they’ve picked up on where he’s fucked up in the past. he’s still not letting them be all blood brothers, hugging and saying ilysm! lylas! but he’s learn to grow with them, and just take it as is.

3. is your muse on their first contract or their second? if they’ve renewed, what were their feelings around that at the time and what were their hopes for their second contract? if they haven’t renewed, what are their current thoughts on the end of their eventual first contract? (wc: 303)

gyujeong renewed his contract with gold star in 2018. honestly, he knows why he did it. but he regrets it to a degree — half of it, i’d like to say is the gold star pressure. they pressured him, basically giving him the lines of ‘what are you gonna do now? you have no career outside of platinum.’ which was true considering he had 0 solo opportunities back then. he was 26 at the time, so he was aged so even if he wanted to make his debut as a rapper, it’d be hard since he was getting so much shit for selling out to be an idol to begin with. plus, public hate surrounding him at that point was a high, and gold star basically made it like they were the only option to save him — his 26 year old ass was scared on the inside, as much as he hates to admit. as a result, he signed on for another year thinking he didn’t want to retire because what skills did he have to offer? he didn’t graduate high school, he didn’t go to college. he makes music, but if gold star decided to black list him then he’d be fucked with a 0 person fan base.

another reason he chose to sign on was because of his group. this is unknown but deep down he felt sorry for the shit he caused within his group — and seeing as how his group all signed on, he felt some sense of responsibility to carry on, especially because they’re a four person team. one person lost is 25%, and that’s a lot when you have more groups in the horizon waiting to take over whatever niche platinum is in. 

so, all in all, he signed on bc he had no choice / kinda felt guilty.

4. what are your muse’s goals and motivations? (wc / 324)

gyujeong doesn’t have many goals at all — at this point, he’s given up having any goals within gold star because he feels he’s been fucked over by them one too many times. he got a solo? which was great, and oddly well received by the public — but he also thinks those were pity listens, and not worth much. doubts it transfers over if he came back (he kinda cares). but realistically, his goals might be to release another album in the future? 

right now, his attention’s on fashion though. he’d like to get more global recognition for his line, far from the asia target market. he’d want to be known with the greats (that’s just wishful thinking lmao). but it’d be nice to house a fashion week set, or go at least. he’d want to carry on his relations with chanel because he truly loves the brand and everything it stands for.

motivations? he has none. he doesn’t know what love is, has basically no friends and a cat. he’s living life day by day and seeing what becomes of it — ideally, what he’d want to really have as a goal is to find happiness. corny, i know. but the happiness he once had as a child (void of any parental figures).

i’d suppose his goal right now is to stop writing music based on what his company wants. they know the tracks he touches usually are generally better received than the public, and because his ‘ban’ aka punishment for getting into scandals is over (ala a solo debut), gold star seems to want to make him use his creativity for platinum’s tracks. however, he doesn’t want to be a pack mule and wants to start creating music for the sake of him — basically, he’s exhausted from his solo debut doesn’t know if he wants to make a comeback at all or wait another ten years or just retire completely.

5. what is one conflict, internal or external, that your muse is currently dealing with, has recently dealt with, or will need to deal with in the future? (wc / 329)

he’s at a low — he has no real friends, minus hidden figures here and there. he has no music left on the table that gold star seems to want (they always tell him last minute and pick the songs he doesn’t want to release). he basically got told off by someone he loved to get over it — he has nothing left. he’s a dramatic little bitch, but what can i do? 

he’s dealing with how to handle these things one by one. 

career wise — he’s doing a lot in fashion? and that becomes a piece of confusion when he neglects music for fashion and gold star wants something released, and they can’t because gyu hasn’t touched logic or ableton in near months prepping for the next line of his work. he does it when inspiration hits and works at his own pace. then again, he can’t? because he has the guilt of having to carry the burdens of his past he doesn’t let show. it’s a recipe for disaster when it all brews internally and he doesn’t let it out and instead runs to different avenues for escape. 

he doesn’t know what he wants. he just wants to live life like kanye, but knows that he can’t because he’s not kanye.

he’s also dealing with the conflict of being pigeon holed into one genre. his earlier works focused more on being true to himself, and his core — into the new world, empty. etc. the more sentimental ballad-esque pop songs were when he was more carefree / optimistic about the world. however now, he’s been more hardened? and the scandals have left him more contained as to what gold star would let him do — aka, keep up the bad boy image the public seems to know him for. as a result, he’s not able to venture out or get back in touch in fear of what others may think / his underground buddies may think

6. if your muse has established career claims, what are their thoughts on their career so far? if they do not, how do they feel about not having individual activities yet? what would they like to do in the future, if anything? if they don’t have ambitions for individual activities, explain why. (wc / 384)

gyu’s established career claims fall under three categories — variety, modeling / fashion, and music. musically is the easiest as he’s released his solo album after ten years, lmao. i like that he hasn’t touched music in ten years just because gold star hasn’t let him release it — they finally let him off the leash after so much despite letting him work behind the scenes. behind the scenes, they let him work on a lot of things. his overall mood / 감성  when it comes to music is just that it’s soft and sensitive — hence why his first piece is into the new world. you’d never expect it to come from someone like him, but it’s really just the soft gentleness that’s part of his core hence why it’s one of the melodies closest to him as an individual. aside from that, he works on a lot of darker equinox tracks because that’s what his vibe is lately, and it’s that house clubby r&b funk that works with him, and gold star likes that enough to keep asking him for it. he’s worked more in-house than out-house, and not really looking to branch out into any territory. he just wants to make music for him : )

modeling / fashion wise — chanel picks him, and he picks chanel. a matchmade in heaven when he sports their bags and their tweed jackets like no other. it’s enough that chanel inspires him to create his own line otakgyu which he’s heavily involved with. that’s his focus for now, creating new pieces to appeal to his own fashion sense. he wants to create more pieces that are “edgier’ but also fall more into the androgyny of fashion. 

lastly, variety. he doesn’t even know how he ended up in this — yet, each time he appears on variety, more fans fall in love. i like to think of it like song mino and how stupid he comes across on variety which basically shatters his stage image of being more ‘hardcore’. aka, the public likes how goofy and silly gyujeong gets (unplanned and completely candid) on variety. it’s why he shows up and why gold star signs him up. gyujeong, on the otherhand, finds it more of a nuisance and an invasion of privacy as that’s one side he’d not want to reveal. 

[pinehutch]

Niche Interests

A little while ago, @mia-ugly tagged me to talk about 10 niche interests of mine. I don’t really know what counts as a niche so I’ve been making occasional notes about this over the last week. 

The hardest part of this for me is either that I’m not very interesting or more likely, that I’m a generalist. Like, I would give myself a solid B in many, many areas that could be considered “niche” - I love learning. 

But here are some things that I can and will reliably nerd out over if someone else brings them up!

1. Curly hair care. I’ve got naturally curly hair and didn’t really know how to look after it until my early twenties. Now I know many things about it, including where to get good curly hair products in Canada. Genuinely, if you have curly hair and want to chat about it you can always message me or send me an ask and I’m happy to try to help. (These days I am really loving Inahsi Naturals and Ecoslay;  yes I have drugstore and grocery store recs as well.) 

Also, more seriously: I would also encourage any white or other non-Black person who is frustrated with their own curly hair to also spend some time reading on natural hair movement to try to learn about the history and politics of Black hair in particular. If it’s within your means and you’re already buying specialised products for textured hair, I encourage you to to look into Black-owned businesses. 

2. Canadian Poetry in English, especially 1960-present. I could narrow this down further but c’mon, how many people genuinely want to hear me go on about those slim volumes that I accumulate? But like, I grew up on my mom’s hand-me-down volumes of Canadian poetry from Confederation to the 1980′s; at age 16 I was co-oping for a prof at the local university as part of building a collected works on a Canadian poet and painter, and clamouring to go to lit conferences; in university I showed up with a good chunk of the curriculum already read; etc. Total nerd. 

3.  Edible plants of Ontario. I don’t actually forage because I don’t have access to land where I think it’s appropriate for me to, but I grew up on ~80 acres of mixed forest in central Ontario, and my grandfather liked to show us what was safe to eat. I will never turn my nose up at ramps, and I think I may have remembered my dad’s secret morel spot he took us to as kids, to check out next spring. The list of what else is out there is long and still lodged in my brain. 

4. Fat acceptance, fat positivity, and a bit about plus-size fashion: in the early-to-mid 2000′s I discovered the fatshionista community on livejournal and it changed my life, which I say without hyperbole. I was looking for tips on finding “cute clothes,” and what I found was a pathway into learning about intersectionality. The people who ran and were highly vocal in that community did a lot of hard work in those years trying to dismantle not only internalized and external fatphobia, but also ableism, racism, and queerphobia. I’ve spent over fifteen years now consciously trying to dismantle fatphobia in myself and in the people around me, as a part of the work. (I’m not as well-grounded in the fashion side of things anymore, but I try sometimes.) 

5. History and development of the English language. I’m definitely just an armchair expert, but holy shit do I love this awful language, and how it came to be and continues to become. I minored in linguistics in university, and I used to be able construe Old English on the fly. I believe wholeheartedly in linguistic parity and I don’t mean that English is better than other languages; this is just the one I understand best. 

6. (This one is really boring I’m not even going to bold it)  public sector procurement law and practice in Canada. It’s not a field I’m in anymore, but I was for a while. How (literally, how, not just on what) do your governments spend your money? 

7. Ghost stories, yours and mine. Tell me your spookiest stories, please please please. My favourite thing to do in October is cram my eyeballs full of the entries in the Jezebel scary stories contest, in part because of the conceit that the stories are ‘true.’ I’ve always been interested in the unseen or barely-seen in general, including 20 years with an active interest in modern witchcraft (and a trailing one, still). 

Actually, that’s a good segue to

8. Divination, kind of. I’m not an expert or even any kind of practitioner, anymore, but I know a little bit about a lot of different methods and their histories and application. Enough that I could quickly find my way to good research if I wanted to incorporate some of these things in a work of fiction, and I am always keen to listen to other people talk about their experiences and practices. 

9. Okay, I didn’t want to admit it but: Dragon Age (all media types). I definitely did not intend to become someone with a high degree of fluency in a fantasy video game world but here’s how it happened: about seven years ago I started experiencing chronic fatigue, joint pain, and stiffness. By February 2014 there were days when I couldn’t walk. I was diagnosed (quite quickly) with rheumatoid arthritis and my immune system and I are still in a bit of a fight about it. On one of those days when I couldn’t leave home, I picked up Dragon Age: Origins and started a playthrough, and it turned out that gaming was exactly the right amount of distracting but not intensive that worked for me when I was in pain, most of the time. But I’ve played the games, read the books, own the encyclopedias and the TTRPG books, have read codices and wikis and reams of meta. My DA fervour is pretty low these days (it’s been six years since a new game came out, after all), but it may yet come back. (What I love about it is mostly to do with characters and setting: it rewards close reading and a historiographical lens.) 

The best part about all of this is that I’ve never really been arsed about dragons, as such. 

10. (This feels like cheating but) vegetarian food, and the role of meat and animal products in food cultures. (Also, like, the politics and culture of food in general.) First-off, I should say that I’m not a vegan or vegetarian unless you want me to select my entree for your wedding. I don’t eat meat most of the time, but I do eat dairy most days, eggs a few times each week, and eat fish or seafood semi-regularly. I’ve been meat-averse for most of my life, though there are times when I’ve craved it and continue to. As a result, I tend to plan and cook mostly veg meals; it’s just second nature now. I tend to keep a general awareness of how to Make Things From Plants because it’s also just useful knowledge to have - blender ice cream with coconut milk and peanut butter and cocoa powder is just more convenient when it’s 35C outside than cooking custard, you know? 

I do think that the plant-based eating movement has a huge, huge problem with classism, ableism, fatphobia, and racism, and so I try to keep my own interest in eating in veg-adjacent ways as an interest for me, not as a cause or goal. 

Tagging: @mareebrittenford @taksez @glowcrizzle @thisnewdevilry @19thcenturyfox @kungfulola @horse-badorties @fullcuntact and anyone else that is keen to talk about their niche interests. 

[bigskydreaming]

Part of the reason I lean so hard into the juvie origin for Dick in particular, as well as why his cop storyline pisses me off so much in light of that (given they were both the work of the same writer and wtf, why would a kid who got screwed so massively by the system ever grow up wanting to become PART of it? even to ‘fix it’ given that would require still working in service to it at least part of the time, in order to move up the ladder to positions of power within it in the first place? BUT I DIGRESS).

Where was I? Oh yeah. So part of the reason for that is because I view each of the Batkids as having their own specific metaphorical niche, based on their origins.

What I mean by that is like: the true villain of Jason’s origin and backstory is poverty as a whole. The impoverished status of his parents and his surrounding community are definitive stressors that lead directly into all the most critical elements of Jason’s origin: his father working as a henchman for various crime lords, which pretty directly loops back and into his alcoholism and abuse of his wife and son....his mother’s spiral into addiction after turning to drugs as a means of self-medicating for all the stress and shit in her own life which she needed an escape from....Jason’s own lack of options as a child seeking to support himself on the street and with petty crimes, as well as his unwillingness to put his faith in foster care or any adults in general, given how they as a whole tended to look at him, specifically due to his impoverished background and thus making assumptions about his intellect, potential, and overall ‘value’ to society.....

Jason is who he is as a character for a variety of reasons, but none moreso or more directly than the poverty that acts as a direct anthropomorphized antagonist for him....and thus, is the focal point of where Jason directs his attention and his own antagonism as an adult. When Jason seeks to take control of crime in Gotham, when he targets drug dealers, etc....its really the deliberately inflicted and perpetuated impoverished state of Gotham’s lower class that he’s combating. And that works perfectly for Jason as a metaphor and a character direction, and gives him a clearly defined niche in the Batfamily.

Then we have Tim, who I would argue has an origin and backstory defined by the apathy of the upper class as an antagonist, and thus, the perfect metaphor for him and his character direction. The self-centered tendencies of his parents, his history of neglect and the necessitated self-reliance and independence it instilled in him from a very early age - which could have very easily turned him into a copy of his parents, with that self-sufficiency turning into a mirror of their self-centeredness and repeating the cycle if he hadn’t actively broken the mold with his actions by seeking out Batman and picking him as someone, ANYONE to try and help, rather than focus entirely on himself and his own needs....and in near adulthood, Tim has become someone whose chosen focus tends to be on trying to repurpose his wealth and resources for the good of all of Gotham...essentially, the very people that for so long his parents and fellow upper class ignored and exploited.

Of course, Tim is still a product of his background as much as he’s aware of the flaws in it, much like Bruce himself, so similar to Bruce, Tim will always look at his wealth/resources in terms of the good he feels he can do with it, which he sees as more than any good that would come from just directly giving it away. In contrast to Jason and Dick, who come from entirely different backgrounds and have always prioritized their own more modest or otherwise-gained means of income or resources, even when investing in projects intended to help others - they look at things in terms of the good they feel they can do WITHOUT needing money, or as much money. Its the result of coming into resources from entirely different directions....which are sustained even as they then continue their trajectories in those opposite directions but now with added resources under their belts.

Cass and Damian are the two Batkids I would love to see explored more in juxtaposition and contrast to each other, because I feel they occupy very similar but opposite niches, the same as Jason and Tim represent the stresses of poverty vs the apathy of excess. Because Cass and Damian represent the two flip sides of parental expectations....BUT in their case, they start out on the same page. What I mean by that is the metaphorical antagonist of both of their origins and backstories IS the bogeyman of parental expectations taken to the absolute extreme. They both exist in at least one of their parents’ eyes to essentially be what their parent wants or expects them to be. An end result of carefully planned and executed molding of a next generation, with no real consideration for what that next generation wants for themselves.

They simply diverge in how they both break free of those expectations and the limitations built into them, and where they go from there. Damian finds his niche (or comes closest to it IMO, since I feel a lot of writers, at least lately, have regressed him from the considerable progress he made in this regard, and where and when he was his most fully...DAMIAN).....essentially, Damian is most fundamentally Damian, I feel, when he’s able to put aside what he thinks Talia and Bruce want or expect him to be...and instead simply prioritizes figuring out what HE wants to be and what that looks like, even if it ends up having no connection to the League or even Batman at all. Or at least not in the ways he always expected those connections to look like, as a result of the expectations that were drilled into him from an early age. Damian’s metaphor is pushing back against selfish parental expectations by saying I no longer care what your expectations are, they have nothing to do with me.

In contrast, Cassandra finds her niche in the fulfillment of not the expectations precisely, but the HOPES of a NEW parental figure, aka Bruce. Cassandra, out of all the Batkids, most fully CHOSE Bruce and everything he represented and offered, as much as Bruce chose her. She was the oldest of all the Batkids - except for perhaps Duke - when she met Bruce in the various continuities, and she had the maturity and life experiences to at least be able to recognize the different life path Bruce stood for and offered, as a contrast to the one David Cain had laid out for her and forced upon her from birth. So Cassandra differs from Damian in that while Damian grows the more he breaks away from the mold of Batman, Cassandra finds herself the closer she gets to what Bruce has always wanted Batman TO be, in the example he puts forth and holds up to show her that there’s more to life, to her, to what she can be, than simply what David told her existed.

Its no coincidence that she’s so often cited both in universe and out of it as one of the, if not the, ideal successor to the cowl.....not just because of how much she embodies the specific ideals and yes, expectations, that the cowl holds....but because she CHOSE that, with INTENT. Unlike even Dick, who Bruce has at times said is what he always wanted Batman to be....Cass is this as well, but Cass is this deliberately, because Bruce found her, and then he held up these ideals and convictions and said ‘this is what I prioritize, this is what I think is important’ and Cass looked at those and said yes, good, I like those, I like what they stand for, I want to BE those.....and she found fulfillment in fulfilling Bruce’s hopes for a next generation even without either of them FORCING that fulfillment on her, unlike what David did or tried to do. And that’s what makes all the difference in the world in Cassandra’s situation and in her and Bruce’s dynamic....and is a large part of the reason, IMO, that they have one of the strongest and healthiest dynamics of any that exist between Bruce and one of his kids.

Duke is a very unique niche as well. In short, the true villain of Duke’s origin is an ACTUAL supervillain....which coincides thematically with the direction of Duke’s character as a meta with superpowers himself, something that historically is pretty unprecedented within the Bat franchise, at least as far as Batman’s allies and direct family go. Bruce’s distrust of meta’s, or at least discomfort with them, is well established and longterm, so Duke represents an extreme break in tradition for Bruce, as well as having hallmarks to the sphere of thought that Batman and other vigilantes, by their very existence, bring about the existence of supervillains like the Joker and the Riddler. I’m still working out the kinks in this metaphor, tbh, in part because of how relatively new Duke is, he doesn’t have even the decade worth of content and story direction that Damian has by this point, to point to how some directions serve a character better than others....but overall, I see the most potential in Duke as a metaphor and niche in the Batfamily as like....as the Signal, he’s the embodiment of potential, once allowed to be REALIZED, rather than shied away from because of pre-existing beliefs or perspectives. Of course, the fact that Duke is black can’t be disconnected from this, which is part of things here as well....I’m not at all the best person to explore this particular metaphor to its fullest, so anyone who wants to take it and run with it more thoroughly if they see any validity in it at all, I’d very much like to see your thoughts if you ever write them out.

Which brings me back to Dick’s metaphor and niche in the Batfamily and franchise, and why the juvie origin works best for him IMO.....because the specter of Dick’s origin and backstory, the true villain even moreso than Tony Zucco himself, is the system as a whole. The way it is built and structured to exploit less advantaged members of society to the benefit of the upper class...such as the Court of Owls. Everything about Dick’s individual character direction falls pretty neatly into this chain of thinking, IMO....Tony Zucco murdered Dick’s parents, yes, but it was the system that took Dick away from his extended family, his planned life direction as an entertainer, everything he was familiar and comfortable with...and said it was for his own good, they knew best, he was better off this way. It was the system that ‘lost’ him in juvie when it was just more convenient than figuring out what to do with him, or just plain didn’t care, or due to the actions of a single racist case worker perhaps, or maybe even done at the behest of the Court of Owls in an attempt to wear away at the morality and resistance their future Talon might have to their plans for him. Bottom line is, everything about how Dick ended up where he was and on the course he ended up taking through life, is a direct result of the system’s manipulations of him in service not to HIM and what was best for him, as a member of society himself, but entirely at the whims or discretion of others.

Which is why Dick’s choice to become a cop both works and doesn’t work....I can see how at eighteen he might have briefly entertained the idea of trying to change the system from the inside...BUT it only works if the stories that result from that make no attempt to glorify or romanticize the work or character of any of his colleagues, and instead simply make him realize that he can’t change the system by becoming a cog in its flawed machinery, no matter his intentions...and that’s why he’s best served operating outside of it, as a vigilante. Bruce is a vigilante because he feels he exists to pick up the slack where the system fails, or is broken, because Bruce is someone who the system actually is meant to work FOR, and thus the times it doesn’t work that way, such as with the deaths of his parents....IS a result of a failure on the system’s part. In contrast, Dick, for all the superficial similarities in their origins, is someone who the system was never meant to work for, and IMO, Dick is best served as a character at the times and points when he’s allowed to RECOGNIZE this....and thus Dick is a vigilante for the sole reason that he’s someone who puts his faith in individuals rather than institutions. He’d much rather trust in the morality of singular people that he KNOWS and VALUES, rather than the morality of an uncaring system of bureaucracies and red tape.

And again, IMO Dick works best as both a metaphor and a character with a clearly defined niche and purpose when he targets the system directly with his actions. Whether its fighting their embodiment as the Court of Owls and their attempts to exploit him, or pouring his own time, energy and resources into trying to buy and renovate the former entertainment district of Gotham and turn it into a sanctuary for impoverished Gothamites to visit cheaply as a break from their stressors (I’ve talked a lot about how similar I view Jason and Dick being, at their core, so its no surprise that I see their metaphors and niches as being so closely linked, even if not entirely the same). And of course, even if you hate Dick as a cop as much as I do, his focus there still fits what I’m laying out here, for the same reasons, its just the actuality of it that doesn’t work as intended, for the reasons I already mentioned.

So yeah. That’s my post. That was a post. This post is concluded. Man I suck at denoument.

[boog-shitposting-edition]

So I been playing a ton of Kenshi and watched all of the Mandalorian in a single day shortly before and it’s got me thinking about what makes what I consider a good action hero, because there was definitely a time where I thought the phrase “good action hero” was an oxymoron.

I grew up around some angry, unstable dudes who had that bad habit of watching horror movies and opining that in the same situation they would simply shoot the monster with the gun the character was holding. I got some views on the model of masculinity that sees the male ideal as functionally a tool for performing violence, condescension and occasional reddit-approved banter with all other emotional responses pared away or suppressed. This seems like a good way to manufacture a product for performing labor rather than developing a whole functional human being. So I generally veer away from that sort of thing pretty hard.

So I’m resistant to the Mandalorian at first, right? All the ads are basically star wars apocryphica and a power armored fighty gun boy. The last star wars thing I’d seen was The Rise Of Skywalker and my faith in the franchise is low. But it’s been a hot minute, the hype dies down, and my girlfriend is a better and more patient fan than I’ll ever be so we give it a go. And the first thing that really nails it for me is what a DORK the mando is. I’m delighted, his life is violence interdispersed with being an absolute buttfumble disaster. He slips and falls over things he could never have predicted, he burns his life down for a baby he finds in the desert. Pedro Pascal references Boba Fetts stiff menace and plays it off as someone who has no social skills other than stiff menace and it’s FASCINATING. Him explaining to the village woman who is obviously into him that he hasn’t taken the armor off since he was thirteen isn’t a badass declaration of martial devotion, it is the single saddest and most awkward interaction I have ever seen filmed and it hits all the harder for the fact that this is a character I’ve mostly ever seen as an action figure with a spring loaded missile backpack. Instead of being a faceless emotionless action-cudgel, Pedro amps up the body language in his acting to really sell you this heavily psychologically damaged, desperate, viking-space-catholic mess with no life skills other than violence and a devotion to his people’s creed that borders on obsession. Rather than paring himself down making him a psychological fortress, the Mando is an incredibly obvious walking raw nerve (”I’m not sad-” “Yes you are.”) So, Kenshi.

I’ve heard about this game on and off a few years and finally got it a few days ago. It’s been in early access since 2012, appears to be mostly getting finished by its modding community, and glitches like absolute woah. There’s no core storyline, just a post-apocalyptic setting with some surprisingly detailed autogenerated NPC interactions with some options for starting conditions and the sole goal of surviving. It’s essentially a rapid sequence of story prompts hidden underneath a closely interlocked system of XP grinding, survival mechanics and dismemberment algorithms, and is appallingly my shit.

My first run at the game got pretty far, went from a lone confused desert wanderer to a 13 man village running a tidy copper-mining operation to trade with the ant people. In the early game, fight mechanics are basically a death sentence; my first character immediately got her leg torn off by a goat and I had to restart. All skills grow only by excersizing them; you have to fight to get better at fighting, you have to LOSE fights to gain toughness, and when you lose a fight the consequences can range from “these bandits are stealing all your food” to “this monster is eating your leg/heart/head” to “these slavers are taking your character away and your game experience is Different now.” And while I was proud of myself for finding a way to survive, grow and thrive with a low-combat squad, once I tried the basebuilding mechanics that basically just meant my town was a source of free food and money for local bandits while my squad starved to death, unable to abandon our locale. So I got fed up and restarted.

As mentioned the game gives you different start positions; wanderer gives you 1 character, some money and pants. Guy and his dog gives you a dog, which is fun. Exiled officer starts you with good skills and the hatred of your former commander, which complicates things. Cannibal Hunters starts you already in a fistfight with 30 cannibals. It’s exciting times. But I figure this time I’d like to start my squad a LITTLE more capable of defending themselves, so I look at the Holy Sword start; you’re a bandit who starts with a stolen holy weapon, minuses in most skills, no money and a 20,000 bounty on your head from both major factions.

So I proceed to character creation and notice I can pick whatever I want for player species/subspecies with this start. There’s robot people and warriors made of stone and baseline humans and all sorts of fun options, but you remember those ant people I mentioned before? In game they’re called the Hivers, you find ‘em in 3 recruitable varieties (prince, worker drone and soldier) and they have an interesting in-universe quirk; ones that grow up in the hive are pheramone-addicted, chemically wired into the needs and wants of all of their fellows, but if you’re away from your kin for over a fortnight this addiction dries out incredibly fast and cannot be reinstated. Hivers who ever spend any time away from the hive are declared “lost ones,” and are often taken advantage of in the outside world as they long for a new community.

In survival sims I dont often play dedicated fighters, I always feel like being a brutal fight-beast isn’t really in the spirit of finding a niche to exploit and growing from a fumbling plebian to a major power. But I was already starting this game with my ONLY advantage being a nice sword. And the soldier hivers gain a buff to experience gained for melee attack and toughness, and a debuff to literally all else.

Manual labor. Science. Engineering. Farming. Cooking. First aide. In a setting that heavily prioritized your ability to survive using multiple vital skill sets, my character would start with negatives in his skills for putting on band-aids and FEEDING himself. So I gave it a go.

Getting more wild here, it turns out the Holy Sword opening also takes place in a time in the setting with more recent warfare, so a bunch of the starting villages are destroyed and it appears that more of the nearby cities are controlled by the factions that have a bounty on me. So my character CAN’T rely on other people or meet anyone to recruit at first. He can run, he can scrounge and scavenge, and as mentioned above starting characters can take lethal damage from GOATS so he can’t even hunt for food; the only way I was getting a meal was if I robbed someone or ran into merchants on the road I could hawk my salvage to for a scrap of bread.

He eventually finds someone willing to join him on his travels in spite of being flat broke, a shek named Ruka running from a dishonerable loss on the battlefield, and comparing their skills he’s so useless for everything besides combat that I assign him to bodyguard her. And again, this game’s appeal is that the survival mechanics make good story prompts, so imagine that in character.

“Fine, I need a change. I’ll join you.” “Thank god. Lead the way boss.” “What?”

Things regarding my characters bounty are starting to heat up in town, so we head north into hiver territory. We get attacked by bandits and heavily injured, my soldier gets knocked out, so Ruka picks him up and carries him until we find a hive town. I saw these guys all the time in my last playthrough, I survived by selling to them, they’re super friendly, should be fine. Ruka walks into the local shop and before I can have her ask for directions and a medikit the shopkeeper is already shouting- “SKREEE! LOST ONE! GET OUT! LOST ONES BRING MADNESS”

Apparently, my protagonist being a hiveless hiver means there’s a THIRD faction that’s hostile to him; his own goddamn people. Ruka has to leave him under a tree not just outside but like 50 feet from the edge of town, and just has  to hope none of the local wild megafauna eats him while she rushes back in to buy things from the now abruptly friendlier shopkeep.

I’m finally sitting there, having Ruka watch my soldier hiver sleep while she cooks scavanged meat and waits for him to finish healing, that I realize what the story being generated here is and it’s a good one; a Hive soldier whose only skills are violence, frantically scavenging and stealing to survive until he can find the one circumstance where he’s comfortable, sacrificing himself to protect others. He steals a sword that’s obviously important to two major governments, just because he knows it’s powerful and thinks that power will justify his continued existence as a hiveless soldier drone, essentially buying his way back into his people’s good graces by performing his function. Literally wandering the world until he found a single person who was willing to boss him around again and devoting himself to their defense to a state of pathological damage just to feel like he has a hive again. It’s sad. It’s badass. It’s deeply, unsettlingly pathetic.

But I also think it’s what makes a really really good gruff action hero!

Hypercompetence in violence is really interesting when you acknowledge the damage it can do to your humanity in the storytelling! The Mandalorian is unsuccessful in repressing his empathy response so he just tries to tough through the pain it causes him as best he can, until he meets The Child and it snaps. The Hiver is essentially playing pretend at being still valued as a product for committing violence, even in the face of being openly rejected for his previously esteemed role. This stuff is INTERESTING.

TL;DR version, a lot of these “supersoldier raised by the military/fight wizards/karate” characters are super boring and obnoxious when they’re put forward as power fantasies, and really interesting when you realize that being raised by Fight Wizards is why they’ve never had a girlfriend and called their handgun “mom” once.

[fmdtaeyongarchive]

↬ come back to me again.

date: october 2019 to september 2020.

location: unspecified.

word count: 1,810 words, not including lyrics.

summary: man briefly considers writing about self-love before throwing that shit idea out the window and deciding to write about his love life angst instead.

triggers n/a.

notes: creative claims verification. this took me an hour to write and it’s not edited and you can tell both of those things... it’s not my best... anyway, it’s my last verification for ash’s album and that’s all i care about! mentions of youngjoo.

the song takes him a year to write, though he has no expectation of such a long time frame when he begins. 

the first notes of what will one day become a full song are put down the morning after he and youngjoo sleep together again for the first time since they’d broken up. he’s still trying to process what had happened, head spinning with a mix of doubt and affection. he’s fresh off of a break-up. he’s been single for two months after the most serious relationship of his life, and he’s fallen back into bed with his ex. not any ex, but the one he’d once thought would be his second to last lover. and the one he’d also once thought would be his last lover, but who was keeping count of his romantic delusions at this point?

when they’d had their talk that spring, ash had never considered it might end like this. they’d talked and cleared the air and he’d been happy they might be able to become friends again. genuinely, with no ulterior motives. after all, he’d been happy as only her friend once and, at the time, he hadn’t had eyes for anyone else but the man whose ring he wore on his finger or on a chain he tucked under the neckline of his shirt.

but being with her again. it had come so easily, so naturally, like their bodies and hearts had been made for one another.

that’s an awfully dangerous thought to have. it’s sex, not a reignition of their relationship, he reminds himself.

he doesn’t think he’s writing about youngjoo after she leaves that morning, but when he looks back on it, he recognizes it sounds like her. a year later, he isn’t so sure where his own identity ends and his feelings for her begin, though, so he could be wrong.

it’s the insistent but mellow melody of the guitar that later on reminds him of the piece he writes for her for her birthday, one of the happier nights they spend together. the happy nights pose an unexpected problem. he falls deeper when there’s no space between them for anything but shy smiles and fond words. the nights he blocks her out are easier, even when they send him into week-long spirals and drinking binges he hates himself for only because he doesn’t want the unseen eyes of nature to judge them as her fault.

that’s why he sees youngjoo in the song. at times, the piece he’d written pushes forward with unrestrained urgency, but at other points, it slows to a icy hesitance. in the softness, there’s also a coldness.

so maybe it’s not that it reminds him of her, but that it reminds him of them. they’re terribly complicated, and the track is more simple, but conflicted emotions tangle within its notes even without words present.

it’s closed-in, almost claustrophobic at times but at other times, he feels like he’s standing in the middle of a field listening to the work he’s created. isn’t that a lot like intimacy?

and when he thinks of intimacy, his mind races back to that night in october with youngjoo. there had been more breaths exchanged between them than words, but it’d been so loud.

relearning someone. that’s new, but ash has become a master in it over the past year. it hasn’t been a mission only of relearning each other’s bodies as it should have been. he’s re-mapped youngjoo’s heart and her mind (the parts she’ll show him — he’s silently accepted that there’s parts of her hidden in darkness his prying searchlights haven’t been able to reach yet, and that’s why he feels so lost in her presence at times).

there are also parts of it that eschew the wonder of her or the unmitigated confusion of them.

what is there left for those parts to be but him?

he decides those are the most hollow parts of the song. ash doesn’t know if he himself is hollow. as much as there are mornings he wakes up with nothing inside of him, there are times he works to find a balance only to end his day trying to fall asleep amid the flood of everything spilling out on the sheets around him.

working on the song on and off over the course of a year, it’s become a pet project. when nothing else is going right, he opens the song up and adds one thing or takes one thing away or changes something that he’s decided isn’t meant to be the way he’d originally put it, and then he moves on, content with the fact he’s done something.

it’d be easy for it to become crowded this way, but it’s instead one of the more threadbare instrumentals he has with a last saved date within the year. it’s almost more akin to the simple production he’d opted for in the beginning of his days as a solo artist. back then, he’d been an amateur producer and his ideas had often been tossed aside in favor of what bc’s more experienced producers decided would be best for the words and music he had been more entrusted with creating, but he hadn’t had any objections back then to a more naked production angle, either.

now he’s a fan of bold percussion (and there’s some of that in this song, too, as the track grows late into its own night and that’s also where the ghost of an emotional climax of words he hasn’t yet written lays) and layers of vocals on top of strings and samples on top of more vocals, but just listening to this homemade quilt of a track reminds ash of the boy he’d once been, long before that october a whole year ago.

it reminds ash of a boy who saw a future for himself as a poet on stage with a guitar, happy with no more than a small audience to hear songs that he’d created to support his lyrics instead of as a marketing package for selling others’ goods.

that ash had been inexperienced as a songwriter in comparison to the ash of today, but his love for what he wrote had been so unbelievably pure.

such purity is something that’s escaped ash ever since he’d had it stolen from him with fatalism, when one moment of success had turned bc entertainment’s greed up a hundred notches and money and marketing had won out over the charming singer-songwriter niche ash, taeyong, had once occupied.

love for music isn’t the name of the game of the idol industry and it’d only taken a year or two in the midst of it for ash to realize, but seven years into his career had been the first time he’d felt his own love slipping away from him.

it’d been losing grip on the only rope he had keeping him from falling all the way down to the bottom of the canyon under the cliff he’d fallen off of.

this song isn’t his lifeline. it’s an experiment. a recycling bin. but listening to it days before he’s supposed to turn his final demos in for his album, ash hangs every stray emotion on it he has left and makes a last minute decision that this song is a puzzle piece he needs if he wants an honest album.

putting lyrics to it poses a new problem entirely. there are too many memories tied to each ascending and descending note, and it doesn’t seem like there’s a way to bring all of the themes together without making a messy, overloaded concoction out of a piece that’s already been stitched together from discarded pieces of musical fabric.

ash searches his mind for the common thread between everything he’s placed on hooks around the song’s center and only one thing sticks out: longing for something that’s slipped away. one line imprints itself on his mind from that thought, and he scribbles it down in barely legible font on a notepad and then pulls off the sticky note to hang on the edge of the computer screen so there’s no way it can slip his mind.

come back to me again.

that’s the heart of the song. it’s where he’s been for the past year, in an endless battle to bring back to him the things he’d once had and had lost. passion, control, self-acceptance, stability, love. love. love for his music, for his life, for youngjoo. for himself.

he writes a rough draft of lyrics about each lost love he wants back, and they come to him with varying shades of ease and resistance. music is the easiest to write about, but the lyrics don’t fit the other songs he’s submitting, so he sets that draft aside and moves onto his next idea. writing about love of life is foreign for him, and it shows in the way he doesn’t feel that he even has the vocabulary to grasp the undefinable emotions that tie themselves around the concept like a cocoon meant to keep it safe in his head until it’s ready to fly out into the world.

he gives up on that one early, only to move on to the concept of self-love, which gets abandoned even faster. he’s getting a headache at this point and his patience for the idea of writing a song about himself in such a way grows so short that he tears up the paper half a verse into trying to write it.

that leaves him with youngjoo.

he’s written so many songs about her already. thinking about another makes him shift in his seat nervously. each song with youngjoo woven into it that makes it onto his album is another admission of how deep he’s gotten into this mess with her, but writing comes so much easier when it’s about her than almost anything else.

it’d be fitting if that’s how it ends up, though. a song begun in what he’d thought to be a disconnected stroke of inspiration at the beginning of all this, turned into yet another self-lead pen and paper therapy session.

so he lets himself.

it bleeds into two scenes overlapping on top of each other. the soft oranges and yellows and reds of that night together last october and the five million shades of grey of the now. they shape a world existing both in the past and the present, a world confused by its own duality, and then eating its own tail, creating a triplicity with the blues of three years ago.

it doesn’t exist in one dimension, instead pushing itself to the limits of depth and time outside of ash’s conscious control. from verse to verse, the feelings switch time periods, and yet, when they all come together, they easily slide into one story — a never-ending tale he’s written himself into.

[boymeetsweevil]

Okay sorry but

Office life x Accidental marriage AU

BKGD:

OC who does bar trivia on some weeknights and weekends. It’s pretty hardcore and a good majority of the office does it. Lots of young knowledgable ppl using their niche/nerd interest facts to win some prizes. 

Enter: Jin who is the office’s wet blanket but also carries the trivia team when it comes to real life knowledge (AKA anything that can be taught as an AP class in a high school). it’s actually pretty serious and one day you win a competition at the end of the year with a trip to Las Vegas as the grand prize 

So Office!Jin is like weirdly stoic and shows like 0.001 emotions and when he does it’s him laughing at like...microsoft office memes or some shit. very dry eXTREMELY dry. Almost dwight schrute personality but for cooking and not farming, and less entertaining. Also scary beautiful, quiet, very much keeps to himself in a snooty way. Only comes to trivia, never goes on regular bar runs. Sits in the cubicle on the other side of the office so u don’t see him much.

 FUNFATX: you did do a project with him that was like kind of involved for two weeks once and he commended you on your work ethic once it was done. After those two weeks you learned to speak Jin so that was basically him telling you that he thought u were cool

MAIN STORY:

No one expected him to say yes to going on the trip. But he does, which is weird. and it’s so surreal seeing him outside of his beige three piece suit and instead in the most generic grey sweat shirt and pants set ever. Everyone is trying to sneak glances at him on the plane to LV and he’s just wrapped up in a blanket alone in the back sleeping like a mummy[ u know like body completely straight and hands crossed at his front like a corpse]. he sat away from everyone because he knew they’d interrupt his sleep schedule which he carefully crafted to avoid any form of jet lag

Somehow, one of the more boisterous guys from the office gets a first drink in Jin (he never drank at the bar trivia because he wanted to be focused™️) Lol. it turns out that he’s actually kind of funny but like definitely still not on purpose he just turns into this whiny pink giant. everyone teases him and he’s only like 12.5% more talkative but it’s still incredible to hear him talk/complain this much at all

More drinks, some gambling, more drinks. You end up thinking Jin is actually kind of fun even tho he just went from prissy stoic to whiny awkward drunk and you drag him places to watch him squirm.

Cut to wake up scene. 

Classiccliche omg-who-is-this-person-in-my-bed-that-I-didn’t-expect-to-be-there. It’s JIn-- who is knocked tf out and snoring but luckily ur clothes are all on and nothing hurts but....THERES A RING ON UR FINGER. And u scream and it wakes him up and lo and behold, there’s a ring on his finger too. The issue is that the chapel is closed and ur supposed to be flying back to school the next day so u can’t get it annulled but you figure u can always contact and do it remotely??? but lol u can’t and you wont have time/money to go back for at least two months.

u should have noted something was off when he sat next to you on the plane ride back. he sleeps like a mummy again and snaps at everyone so no one else sits next to you. ppl are trying to mime at your matching rings but ur too weirded out by the situation to say anything.

The odd thing is, u go back, Married to Jin and he’s like...unfazed. Completely fine with it. Like he’s chilling. You catch him eating chowder (in summer no less) in the break room and try to bring up an annulment but he just brushes u off and asks if you like soup and ur like uhhh yeah i like tomato soups i guess????

And then it starts. The husbanding

Jin starts bringing in soups that he made for you. Tomato soups. And he starts offering to drive you home after work in his boring little mid 2000′s sedan and at first ur clueless and ur like carpool is good ill go get some of the others and he’s flat out like “im only doing this because ur my wife and i dont want u taking the bus” and u think he’s joking so you laugh but you also get in anyway. And then u do the same thing the next day. And when your favorite blouse gets a hole in it, he loans you his suit jacket for the day and takes your blouse and sews up the hole and strengthens the button loops all during his lunch break.

suddenly he’s asking what other things you like to eat besides tomato soup and then he’s asking you to come with him to the grocery store this weekend so he knows what brands of stuff you like and ur like??? okay???? but why? because ur DUmb. 

And someone else in the office literally has to sit down and explain it to you because one day you’re not going dancing with the girls because: last week u rec’d a movie for Jin to watch and immediately he went “okay lets watch it at my house next friday” and when one of the other married ppl in the office ‘defends you’ by mentioning how date nights being important at the beginning of the marriage youre like Haha funny joke and she’s like girl...

you go to Jin’s place but ur confused the whole time like is this thing real???? u figured that jin and u were on the same page and that u were just gonna live ur lives like nothing changed until you could go back to LasVegas to cancel the marriage but then ur at his house and he’s cooked you some of your favorites again and he’s got some extra socks because u said ur feet get cold he actually puts them ON YOUR FEET FOR YOU and he’s telling you that his dad is coming to town and wants to meet u and ur like....oh shit im married