#I genuinely don't understand how and why I am considered responsible and safe enough to live by myself working a 45h job

[hunterwritesstuff]

"Mama's cooking!" Alastor and OC oneshot

So like, this is a comfort fic I made for myself bc I'm trying to repair my relationship with food/trying to get better with eating and I was doing great for almost two weeks, but then I slipped up and felt terrible. This is based off of my experiences and feelings duringmy time trying to improve my relationship with food. Everyone's experience is different. Some things may be OOC, but I don't care. I needed comfort and this is the product of that. Mind the TWs at the start, but if you read, I hope you enjoy!

Also, Ebony and Alastor aren't a romantic ship, rather a QPR one. Please respect that.

Fic is under the cut to be safe.

Tws: Eating troubles, zoning out, self-induced-shame, not being in-touch with reality, character being too tired to cook, and implied past abuse. Read carefully.

(Ebony's POV)

I laid there motionless on the couch, my eyes focused on nothing, my ears barely focused on the music coming from my headphones.

It’s just noise.

I feel my breathing begin to pick up. I missed my time to get breakfast again.

I feel the shame bubbling in my gut, but I don’t have the energy to react. Not now.

I barely notice people passing in and out of the room, whether they are Angel, Husk, Niffty, or Charlie, I pay them no heed, just give a hollow “have a good day”.

I can’t give more of a response than that. I feel hollow. I feel shameful. I feel tired. I feel hungry.

But I don’t have energy to get up. I don’t have energy to cook. I consider taking a nap, but I also don’t want to risk anything.

What would I risk? I don’t know. I live in constant paranoia that something will happen if I let my guard down for one second.

I could get up. I could do things. I just don’t have the motivation to.

Then I hear a familiar sound.

Click. Click. Click. 

Then I see a familiar fair of legs in front of me, wearing corduroy pinstripe pants.

“Alastor.” I say flatly. “What do you want?”

I’m still barely able to make out sounds due to how zoned out of everything I am, but I can tell he says something before walking off. 

Of course my platonic partner leaves me. I would too, if I could.

I hear something akin to pots and pans clattering, but assume he just sorted the pots and pans in the kitchen again due to habit.

That was about when I zoned out pretty much completely again.

About an hour later after stewing in my thoughts for that period of time, I get thrown back to reality by a familiar smell.

A smell that reminds me of singing in the kitchen, of a woman named [REDACTED], of a woman embracing me in a warm hug to tell me it’d be okay, of happier days, days where I was away from my family, of days where I went unharmed for a good period of time.

I find myself getting up off the couch and walking to the kitchen, slowly leaning in.

I hear him humming. Humming one of those old songs I would always hear in the kitchen.

Oh.

I was crying, now.

He must have heard me come in because I soon found him staring at me, wearing not his usual ear-to-ear smile, but a more…genuine one.

A patient smile.

A smaller one.

A pitying one.

No.

It wasn’t pity.

It was understanding.

If it was pity, I would have started to scream at him, yell at him how I did not need any person’s pity.

But I did not. 

We did not exchange any words, we did not say anything, we just exchanged a silent glance.

Then he gently grabbed my shoulder and led me to a table. I did not fight him. I did not understand why I did not fight him, but I did not.

He sat me down at a table and told me to wait a moment. I could hear better now, as I was more in-touch with reality, but it still sounded muffled.

I waited a few moments, and he came out with a bowl. It smelled amazing. It smelled like home.

Then I looked up and saw him smiling at me again.

It was a kind smile.

Not the kind that reached his ears, but just enough to be seen as kind, seen as patient, seen as understanding, seen as non-judgemental.

“Go ahead, dear. It’s all for you, no guilt, no judgment. Just so you can have something to eat without any fear.” He said softly.

“...What if the others come back and stare?” I ask, trying to not let my emotions leak into my voice.

“I told them to leave the hotel for a few hours. They understood. You have a while before anyone comes back. And if you’re still hungry after that first bowl, there’s more in the kitchen.” Alastor answered calmly.

I nod, slowly eating before my pace quickens. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Alastor wanted to say something, but he did not say it.

He did not want to hurt my feelings.

“...your mama’s cooking did always get me to eat.” I say softly, able to read Alastor’s mind.

“What can I say? Her jambalaya’s so good it nearly killed her!” He chuckled.

That felt weird to hear. He usually let out a full laugh. He did not usually chuckle. And the laugh was usually performative.

“Good enough to raise the dead for a bowl or two.” I joke, trying to lighten the mood.

“And it sometimes did!” Alastor laughed.

I allow myself a chuckle. I can let down my walls around him.

“Thanks, Al.” I smile finally.

“No trouble, Ebony, my dear. Always here to help.” He smiled, returning to his usual smile. “No need to worry about judgment either, I know how hard this is for you.”

I smile, silently thanking him. 

“I think I’m gonna grab some more.”

[cherishedproperty]

Communities and Safety (or, Why You Should Do Your Own Vetting)

I've said it before, but the bdsm community on Tumblr literally changed my life. It helped me put into words the way I'd been feeling and the things I didn't even fully know I was missing. It showed me that I wasn't alone. My local kink community has also had a profound effect on my life. I can't imagine my life without either one of those.

That said, I think it's important to recognize that these are open communities. There is no vetting process for membership; you just kind of show up. People wander in and out. Many of us who are part of the bdsm community here have wandered in from other corners of this site, and that's a beautiful thing. But it also means that the community has no firm boundaries of who is in or out.

There are, of course, norms that we try to establish and uphold. Be over 18. Don't comment on a person's pictures (even sexually explicit ones) with elaborate fantasies about what you want to do with their body. Call out abusers when there's adequate proof. Be kind and try to educate the newbies.

Being an active part of the community means you have some responsibility for keeping it safe. But it can’t just be a community responsibility. Communities are inherently flawed, and made up of flawed individuals. Sometimes we miss stuff. Sometimes we disagree on what meets the threshold for a call-out. It’s an imperfect system, especially in an open community where people may not even know many of the members. You can’t rely solely (or even mostly) on the community to ensure all of its members are safe and up to code.

At the end of the day, everyone is responsible for their own vetting. That goes for any sort of community or social group, but especially for online communities—and especially where sexuality and alternative lifestyles are involved. I’m not saying not to get to know people. Isn’t connection the whole point? You 100% should get to know some people whose perspective you trust, who you think give good advice. But there can be a big difference between a blog and the person behind it.

I don't have any great advice for how to do your own vetting—at least not anything that hasn't been said a million times before. But here's a few things to keep in mind, specifically regarding bloggers on Tumblr:

Don't sacrifice your privacy or your boundaries, even with friends or people whose blogs you really like. Very few people on here know my real name or enough about me to identify me. Most earned that trust over years, and I still regret it in some cases.

Don't equate popularity with safety. There are blogs that get tons of asks for D/s advice that I can't for the life of me understand why.

Don't assume that a blogger is trustworthy just because they interact with other bloggers who seem trustworthy. I reblog thoughtful writing and perspectives all the time from people I don't follow or don't know well. And I only really know a handful of people who reblog from me.

Don't assume that you know a lot about someone because they share personal details on their blog. It may give them an air of being genuine and transparent, but it can be a faux/curated transparency.

The last couple of months have been a great reminder of that for me. Multiple people that I've known for years—that I've spent countless hours talking to through some of the most painful moments in my/their life—have turned out not to be who I thought they were. It definitely surprised me. But I tend to start with an assumption that it's a lot of fucking work to misrepresent yourself over that span of time. I am way too lazy/tired to go through all that effort. But maybe it's not so hard for some people. I don't know.

That said, I refuse to give up my faith in people or in this community. I have met people I consider genuine friends here. And if they turn out to be secret assholes too, then I guess I'm willing to take that risk. It's worth the connection and fulfillment I've gotten from those relationships.

I still believe in the value of this community. I still believe there's no other place like the Tumblr bdsm community for learning from the experiences and perspectives of others. But it's worth the reminder that each of us is ultimately responsible for our own vetting.

[seraphtrevs]

I am from Asia and here audience has WAY worse opinion about Skylar, to a point that I basically only read English analysis/essays about BrBa. We don't have "video essays" yters but "season summary videos" yters, and when one of them talked about Skylar, let me quote: "you've been married to Walt for decades, yet you could ever not tell that Walt did NOT kill Hank. Shame on you and you don't deserve Walter. If you were married to Gus, you wouldn't even have any chance to murmur like that".

Well it genuinely disgusts me bc (A) to Skylar's knowledge, her husband is now capable of truly heinous crime (like bombing a nursing home) If Walt escaped from Hank of all people, that MUST mean Hank is dead. It's totally understandable to think Walt murderred Hank. (B) Even only considering BrBa, it's heavily impies that every sherd of Gus' soul is only dedicated to Max! WHY WOULD GUS CARE MARRYING A WOMAN? (C) despite of all her irrational decisions, Skylar is a victim of Walt's abuse, which is in full display in S5E4 "fifty-one". This fucking yter doesn't deserve any women in his life.

Pardon me for long rant but I really need to speak to someone about my unnerving feeling. And I remember you mentioned that your husband LOVES Skylar and Gus at the first sight when watching BrBa (So I assume here is a little safe place for this rant!) Plus Skylar tried to be Walt's "detail-oriented and competent mafia wife" in first half of S4, so even it's canon that Gus threated to kill Sklar, I feel like Gus would have treat her like Lydia if they've ever cooperated in "the game".

You are so valid, anon! My ask box is always open to Skyler defense. I'm so sorry you had to see such an awful take. Unfortunately, media that criticizes and satirizes toxic masculinity like brba does is often misinterpreted by men who are too steeped in the mentality themselves to understand that you're supposed to see Walt's insistence that he's doing it for his family is hollow. They even explicitly have Walt state, in the end, once and for all, that he went into a life of crime because he enjoyed it.

They also made it pretty clear that the traditional masculine "responsibility" to provide for his family is actually in many cases more of an exercise of ownership and control than it is a selfless act of love. The guy you saw seemed to think that Skyler owed Walt loyalty in spite of the fact that he made her a criminal against her will. Toxic men think they are owed deference and obedience because after all, aren't they the ones who are working and sacrificing for the good of the family? Aren't they owed gratitude?

Walt was so fixated on this idea of being king of his own castle that he never considered that once he died, Skyler was perfectly capable of getting a job that paid well enough to get by, especially since she would have a lot of help from Hank and Marie. But that idea was so distressing to him that he'd rather enter a life of crime than to allow Skyler to take care of herself.

I don't even know what to say about the Gus stuff - how bizarre!

[softdarjeeling]

How are you doing? You don't post on any social media anywhere anymore.

i've addressed this subject elsewhere before but i suppose i can again. the internet or 'social media', used to be a safe haven for me and overall, a place to connect and meet with other queer, neurodivergent, or marginalized people. since having autism, other mental health disorders, past traumas, and my psychological state made it so that socially, i hardly fit in anywhere in physical life. i've always interpreted the internet as a wonderful resource for not only information but also to form and grow real connections, with being able to relate to seeking connections outside of physical life- for me, those being very, very limited and as i've gotten older and more mature, somehow even more limited. i don't post much on instagram anymore and i'm not sure if i plan to. i don't have a real purpose when it comes to sharing information about my life or my self. the only purpose that currently would exist is so that other people who feel the same as me could possibly connect with me, since they would understand my mannerisms best. otherwise i am okay with anything else passing in any form it wants to. there isn't a goal that i can achieve with posting that would be genuinely coming from my true self. nothing about me makes me more or less worthy than anyone else, no matter what i share online about my life or self, which is why i choose to keep it minimal in those spaces. i also notice and witness lot of depressing topics on social media and other places on the internet too, which i find redundant for even inhabiting that space. i'm surprised at myself for even taking up space online for as often as i have, as the means for me to even exist here has decreased greatly, even though there was a purpose behind why i was doing so. it's almost as if the chances of connecting with people has been taken away from me, simply because i am not grouped in with the majority of socially privileged people. another thing to consider and something that's not obviously relevant but is: there are many things about us as people that do not change. they don't change because psychologically, they are a part of our personality. these are deeply rooted traits that were created from social stimuli since birth. they can evolve over time to be strengthened. as in, we can rid ourselves of the pieces we don't like and enhance the ones we've built for ourselves over time as we've learned to navigate new environments. however, the story from where we came from and our make up never changes. it's really interesting to examine

that doesn't mean that there aren't facts about me worth sharing at all or that anything that i don't share isn't worth knowing- it just means that i feel a shift of freedom online now when i share my experiences. i post or share whatever i want, for the reasoning that i choose in that moment. with that being said, i'm doing alright, i'd like to think. the pet i had is not in my care anymore and she was the most interesting responsibility i had for some time. she kept me very busy. now that she's not with me anymore, i've reshifted my focus back to caring for myself, as it's really needed at this time. some days i've felt that i don't have enough to give myself but i understand why and it's frustrating because it is nothing that has to do with me personally; i can't control certain aspects of reality outside of my life that happen to affect me. my day to day life is what most people would probably consider boring. i read and i quietly sit, mostly- doing not much of anything. my seasonal depression can get bad when i don't have anything to really focus on, so i've been trying hold my inner child steadily throughout these months and tell myself that i am worth the care i am giving to myself. i'm already preparing for the worst by planning ahead and doing the best i can now, it's helpful. i hope you're doing alright, i appreciate your curiosity and concern!

[chieana]

I accidentally hit my hand against my old tv real hard and had a complete autistic breakdown because I was already overstimulated

so how's your night going?

[greenhappyseed]

BnHA Chapter 317: Thoughts & comparisons part 2 - THE OLD MAN AND THE KID

As mentioned in Part 1, I'm splitting my thoughts on Chapter 317 into 3 posts: this one about Deku and All Might (part 2), plus separate posts on the hero brain trust and the media (part 1) and the hero killer Stain (part 3).

* * * * * * * * * *

This part of the chapter was an emotional sucker punch and gave me strong "Gift of the Magi" vibes. All Might is trying to protect his boy by following him, and Deku is trying to protect his idol by saying goodbye. Unfortunately, there's no guarantee of safety for anyone right now, so their "gifts" of protection are unusable. All Might isn't safe whether All Might follows Deku or stays behind. Same for Deku -- his loved ones aren't safe whether he accepts their help or not. It's the harsh reality of what AFO does. The real thing that All Might and Deku need to focus on isn't giving each other the "gift" of safety, but on how strong their bond is.

The main stumbling block is that Deku STILL idolizes All Might (as All Might recognized a few chapters ago). As the adult, it was on All Might to speak up, but he didn't because he's scared to disappoint his boy. He already knows the pain of disappointing a fanboy, so this would take it to a whole new level. But if he really wants to keep Izuku in his life, he MUST risk it and tell the kid all the things he wishes someone had told him. As I wrote previously (between Ch 315-16) it's maddening because we know All Might is capable of having this kind of frank talk with Izuku -- he did it all the way back in Ch 2. All Might saw Izuku overworking himself and modified the workout plan to moderate Izuku's extreme behavior, which would have prevented Izuku from reaching his ultimate goal if left unchecked. So yeah, All Might knows better, and knows he can’t stand idly by while his kid makes a massive deadly mistake. When a child doesn’t have the capacity to help themselves and the consequences are serious, an adult HAS to step in and help ASAP. Talk to the kid, talk to the kid’s friends/teachers, talk to professionals. Keep going until your kid gets the help they need, because even if a parent/guardian can’t help directly, it’s their responsibility to find that help for their kid. Haven’t we learned anything from the lost children in the League of Villains?

Meanwhile, Deku doesn't see All Might as a human who loves Izuku Midoriya. I think, in part due to his being bullied and his innate tendency to not take himself into account, he sees All Might's devotion to him as part of a predecessor-successor relationship. Deku will struggle as long as he sees "All Might" as an ideal and not the human in front of him. (Admittedly, I thought the HPSC storyline might go here and disclose All Might’s awareness of some “grey” missions, causing Deku to look at his mentor through a different lens.) But even now, Deku is trying to have an "I AM HERE" moment so All Might is proud of his successor, but fails to realize All Might is ALREADY PROUD (in part because All Might hasn't vocalized it in a way that Deku can truly hear it). The "You don't look back at me anymore..." in context is immediately followed up by this glowing Dadmight moment:

It only becomes a sad moment in retrospect as All Might realizes (1) he didn't really tell Deku explicitly how proud he was often enough; and (2) the full weight of what it means to nurture a child towards independence (and that his boy is just like him, and is heading towards the same fate as him....)

While I definitely think Bakugo will knock some sense into Deku, I still think All Might is the only one that can truly “release” Deku from these burdens, especially the ones related to the “Symbol of Peace” and the Shimura family that are tied directly to All Might. We see this in Deku’s callbacks:

Nana in the vestige world sobbing over her mistake in giving up Kotaro, saying she and Gran Torino were wrong, and testing Deku’s resolve to save Shigaraki. Juxtaposed with Gran Torino saying, "I should have made the kill...sorry...don't be so rigid. Killing can be another way to save someone," and Shigaraki screaming in emotional pain, “I don’t care if you understand. That’s what makes us heroes and villains!” It’s not just AFO — it’s the weight of generations and broken families on Deku’s shoulders. It’s All Might’s failure to save Shigaraki earlier that has become Deku’s problem now.

Post-USJ Deku meeting with All Might, talking about the first time he used OFA without breaking himself, and All Might pressuring Deku to become the Symbol of Peace. Even though All Might no longer feels that way, and SO MUCH has happened since then, he never clearly said so to Deku, and Deku keeps that weight on himself. The past never dies.

Deku is overwhelmed and destined for a poor decision that will hurt someone or himself, which would definitely play into the media's (and AFO's) hands. First, note the flashback inception with Deku recalling the post-USJ All Might meeting, which itself contains a flashback to Thirteen lecturing about how uncontrolled quirks can kill.

Second, the image of the defeated assassin is downright ominous, with the way All Might is shown above Deku's shoulder like a conscience [Edit: see @codenamesazanka's post here for a Spinner parallel!!] and the way the villain is tied up with his head hanging back, mouth open, eyes rolled back…. Deku and All Might are in shadow, and the villain is in the light…. no real attempt to talk to or understand the villain, just what he knows of AFO……SO MUCH POWER in a volatile teenager with too much responsibility and too few physical and emotional reserves. This won't end well.

Ok, time to bring the real Dadmight pain. All Might dives to save Midoriya and falls. The only other time he’s fallen flat on the ground like that is when he dove to save the random lady during the Cider House incident (which we got in the anime last week). In that fight, All Might needed a guardian gremlin to save him from falling debris. Hopefully that means he’ll go to UA and find young Bakugo soon, and he won't do something dumb and sacrificial in the meantime. WHO SAVES THE (EX-) HEROES?

All Might is a genuinely good person with good intentions, and he drove himself into the ground to help others, but he’s NOT a god. He’s not infallible or omniscient. He has tunnel vision from pursing the same mission from age 14 to, uh, 50-something, and is learning how to function as a "normal" adult. He never asked for help before, and in fact, considered it shameful (even in Kamino). He needs to follow the advice he was going to give to Deku, and reach out to others to save his little boy and himself. He’s still very much capable of inspiring others, even if he needs to rest sometimes. And with that, we cut to Stain, an extremist who believes in self-sacrifice and idolizes prime All Might. Cue Part 3...

A few other points:

Nobody in this arc (including Deku) seems to be using All Might as a resource based on his decades of experience with the media OR with AFO, and it really bothers me. Why is All Might excluded from the brain trust? They’re acting like All Might is useless because he’s quirkless and no longer a ranked hero, but he's still got his brain and his memories. Are Endeavor, Hawks, and Mt Lady really going to chat with Edgeshot and sort it all out??? Will Jeanist's fiber puns stop AFO??? Ugh. This is why hero society as we know it needs to be radically reworked; these top heroes are misusing resources and NOT TALKING to people who might actually have useful info. Does a "hero" need to wear a costume or hold a license to use their brain?

Will anyone tell Inko???? I posted before about this chapter's reference to All Might promising her that he’ll keep Deku safe. But she generally only appears after Deku gets a big advancement of some sort, so I don't know if she'll pop up soon...although I feel like she might need to? (E.g., my pet theory is that we only get her note in the hospital after the forest raid because Deku saved Kota but failed to save Bakugo.) Who else has "lifted up" All Might except Izuku, Inko, and Aizawa -- and Aizawa is probably not in a place to do heavy emotional labor right now???

Others have noted the outreached hand parallels (PAIN!) so I won’t belabor that. BUT look at All Might’s hand, how it is first outstretched and then starting to curl as he realizes he can’t reach Deku in time. Also, how small and frail All Might's hand looks as it curls up. He's normally drawn with huge hands (as big as Deku’s head) so to see his hands look equal in size to Deku’s shows Deku’s growth. Also, contrast this set of hands moving apart with how we saw hands moving together at Kamino, where All Might’s fighting inspired fearlessness. Hopefully All Might can “fight” here too, and inspire the next generation to to amazing things.

[jeonjk0504]

Hi! I admire your open minded responses and ethics. You have said in some posts that you believe Taehyung and Jungkook are mutually attracted to each other but that they haven't confessed or consummated. (Please correct me if I got it wrong!) I was wondering why, in your opinion, Taehyung and Jungkook wouldn't just take the leap and be together after being on a journey of so many years? Is it your opinion that homophobic society is holding them back? Is it the risks to the band? They seem like two rich, empowered men to me. Taehyung seems like a very honest and authentic person. And Jungkook tweeted a drawing he made of a famous line from Love Simon. These guys would know that being in a committed same sex relationship is an option, right? I am not saying they could necessarily be open about it but I find the idea of them wanting it but not acting on it challenging.

It is a sentiment that I see in a lot of cis het female dominated spaces that revolve around queer men, or the idea of queer men. It's love, it's attraction, it's everything but the relationship. And the sex. It strikes me as a heteronormative overlay on what queer men can and can't do, as if the relationship is allowed to be sexual and romantic only in y'all's minds. It looks like shipping but it also looks like erasure.

Personally, I do not think that Taekook are together but I could be wrong. Anything is possible. I admire the way you stand up for what is right and role model that it is never ok to be a bully. What people consider 'harmless' is relative. I don't buy any 'ships' in BTS as purely aesthetic relationships. I am a gay person and can't take away my identity while seeing this content. Hovering between the space of 'they are real' and 'I just want them to be real' is a safe space for bloggers to be. But it isn't a great representation of genuine LGBTQ+people. A 25 yr old and a 23 year old aren't nuns.

You don't have to answer this question if you prefer not to, of course. I didn't mean to try to make you defend your interests. Your points of view are as valid as mine.

Hey anon!

Thanks a lot for your interesting questions! :)

My personal feeling of them being mutually attracted to one another but not being in a relationship, stems from the dynamic they have. But i got to say, i‘m never 100% sure. I don‘t think you can tell at the tip of their noses if people are in a relationship, because it‘s mostly based on „what would i say/do/act like in a relationship?“ and that can never be copied onto people, even less if you don‘t know them personally.

What makes me say that though is a mixture of reasons. The biggest of them is simple: their friendship. My personal impression is often, that they feel drawn to each other but they also have a good eye on their responsibilities and possibilities. This is less of something i can „prove“, it‘s simply a feeling i get based on various situations and how i see them act, none in specific. I also imagine to cross the line of friendship, might be a lot harder in a conservative country while being in this wide reaching spotlight in contrast to other spaces. And all the other things you took as an example, can add to that they don‘t have to though (the popularity, the band, the family, …).

Also when i say i get the impression it‘s unspoken, i refer to them talking about that attraction or establishing a mature understanding, i have never said they haven‘t acted on it. Their body language feels like they have, actually. To me at least.

I know they both support LGBTQIA Artists and Art. But supporting it and identifying with it are two different pair of shoes.

And while Taehyung seems very, let‘s say adventurous to me, he has always had a strong affinity to a self-image based on his father. Which might mean you can indulge in something for fun (same sex intimacy) but when it get’s serious (same sex relationships) it‘s better to follow conservative ideals, like a lot of oppressed or erased homosexuals in Homophobic countries do.

This is just a connection i keep thinking about though, not a fact. It‘s only a fact that he views his dad as a role-model, visually and also in the role that he performs. His strong wish for children supports that as well. And i‘m not saying it‘s impossible for same sex couples to start a family with children (at least not where i come from) but in SK it‘s sadly not an option as of now. They‘re neither allowed to marry, nor have a legal partnership which will definitely have an impact on how you approach relationships in any case.

And i keep questioning myself: would you share such a sensitive wish like having kids, knowing fully well that it‘s not an option while being in a serious same sex relationship? Or would you share it in the belief that laws will change in the future or you will („somehow“) end up with a woman to make it happen? It may be nitpicky of me to question that, but i see it as a possible indicator of Taehyung not being in a serious same sex relationship as of now, because i feel like his desire to have children in some way, has always been noticeably strong and if he shares his wishes in such a carefree way, maybe his wish is in no danger.

Btw i know a lot of TKer i talk to disagree with me on this and they don‘t think it has to mean anything! 😌 and to be fair: we have the same amount of possible indicators that speak in favor of a relationship. I feel like i‘m talking a lot about why i think they‘re not, rather in what way they could actually be… (very ironic, looking at my blog)

Jungkook on the other hand is a little romantic to me, but he seems very careful too not like someone who just takes the leap (i‘m not saying shy, pretty sure he got over that a few years ago for the most part..).

There is a lot more, but it would take up too much space to elaborate so i hope it‘s okay i only gave a small reason for now.

Concerning your criticism on cishet spaces, they are of course valid and it‘s important to keep an eye on that and call out people who hurt the community. I don‘t feel comfortable with you associating me in that space though, because i doubt you actually know from what perspective i am sharing my opinions. I also use BTS neither for hetero nor LGBTQIA representation because i don‘t know what they identify as. It goes both ways. You might see it as hovering in a safe space, but for me that safe space is mostly there out of respect, not because i don‘t feel brave enough to take a stance.

I thank you for your respectful questions! :) it was interesting to reflect on why i view them the way i do. Please always feel free to share your opinions with me 🥰 have a nice day!!

[blissfulalchemist]

Hope you don't mind me sending one of these: Catlina - “you remembered?”

Hello there! I do not mind in the slightest! I'm sorry this took a while, but I have it finished for you! I do hope you enjoy though!

She still has about ten minutes before the meal is fully prepared and she’ll wait for another three hours in hopes that Liz will come. She has to come home at some point, Cat thinks leaning against the countertop folding her arms, It’s been almost two weeks. She lets out a slow breath, relaxing her body briefly, the shrill of the doorbell tensing her once more. Her eyes slide slowly towards the front door catching sight of the sleek black car parked in front of her house, Should I really be surprised at this point? She pushes herself off slowly making her way to the front door, pulling the cardigan closer, a soft knock out of time to her walk. 

Cat pulls the door open, the first thing she sees are John’s blue eyes darkened by the night. He smiles as she leans against the door, meeting him with a small smile, “Little late for missionary work don’t you think?”

John gives a small shake of his head, “Hilarious,” one of his hands holds a reusable shopping bag as the other gestures inside, “May I come in?”

She stiffened, heart picking up speed, “She might come back John,” Cat glanced back at the stove avoiding his gaze, at least nothing looked to be burning, “She won’t want to see you.”

His smile falters for a split second, “Well I’ll leave if she does show up,” Cat bites her lip, casting her eyes downward, “I just came to see you.”

She perks her head up, giving a small tilt, “You came to see me?” He nods, “Why?”

He shrugs, “Does there have to be a reason,” he asks, face not matching the apathy in his tone, “I figured you could use some company.”

She lets out a sigh, turning away back to the kitchen, “You better keep your promise of leaving if she shows up, John.” Cat leaves the door open, John following behind quickly watching as she moves about the small kitchen. He gives a smirk as he notes her familiar dinner pattern of having a meat, something heavy in carbs, and a vegetable to form a complete meal, he can only assume there’s some kind of dessert lying in wait in the refrigerator. 

He takes a seat at the round table, glancing around the room setting the bag on the floor next to him, “I’m surprised you didn’t find a house with a bigger kitchen my Catlina.”

“I didn’t need one,” she replies matter of factly, “Liz and I weren’t getting a lot of visitors so what was the point?”

“Because you could,” she still doesn’t face him head on, which is fine with him as he gets an opportunity to look at his ex-wife for more than just a few rushed minutes, taking in the new details about her. The way the grey in her hair shined through under the lights, how she moves about with more confidence than when he first saw her getting up from that bed seventeen years ago, and the sliver of art peeking out from beneath her shirt on her back making it easy to miss the scarred ends of sin if you didn’t already know of their location. “I made sure you’d have more than enough to get a nice place,” he muses, moving to stand.

Cat brings down the plates, three of them, with a huff, “I thought I made it clear I didn’t like using your money.” Her movements are sharp and short as she puts food on it, gripping the utensils with white knuckles.

“You did,” he sits himself back down as she walks over to him with a plate, “I just wanted to take care of you is all. You and Liz.” Cat gives a small eye roll, working to set the plate down gently rather than drop it like she wishes she could, it's part of her favorite set though.

Her jaw tightens moving to make her own plate, “I don’t need someone to take care of us. I managed just fine.” It’s a lie, his money came in handy when she kept moving hoping for a fresh start for Liz and then again when Cat had a breakdown the week Joseph became a fugitive. She never wants to tell him this though, doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction or the power over her. 

“You were the one that asked me for money though,” she splays her hands on the counter, nails digging into the faux granite, “So it seems like you did need me.”

“Only because I was at the last of my options,” she says through gritted teeth, “I set aside my pride for Liz because she needed a place that was safe and as free as one could be with her,” Cat paused, turning to look John up and down trying to hold back the sneer, “genetics. Ones that no one lets her forget once they know.”

His eyes narrow, a hand running through his hair, teeth grinding, “I am aware of her life and how it’s been Catlina, there’s no need to remind me.” 

“Never hurts to do so with you.”

John inhales deeply, closing his eyes, “There’s no need to bring this argument up once again, don’t you agree?” 

She glares at him a moment more before nodding, finally allowing herself to sit down across from him. Her shoulders fall with an exhale as she settles herself, eyes casting downward, replying softly, “I don’t really feel like arguing with you tonight anyway.” 

John lets the quiet loom, waiting for her to take the first bite before making any movement of his own. He shouldn’t have been surprised by how quickly the accusations started with her, her anger did always have its way of festering beneath the surface and John had always been the one that could draw it out. Little by little until it all flooded out and she was no longer the same person he had grown to love and care for. John smirks to himself at the memories of their first few weeks together, “Do you remember those first few weeks and we did nothing but fight all the time?” She glances up at him, “Sorry. When we did nothing but argue.”

“We didn’t fight all the time,” Cat mumbles, pushing the food around on her plate. “I didn’t really like talking to you, I remember that.”

John laughs, “You and I still talked quite a bit,” his teasing tone getting an eye roll from Cat, “and it always seemed to end with you stating an opinion that I didn’t agree with.”

“You know I wasn’t the only one giving opinions,” a smile teases at the corner of her lips, pointing the fork at him, “You baited me into those arguments. Tested my patience.”

“Not like it was hard to do, especially then.” John smiles resting his chin on his hand, “We were so different you and I, like oil and vinegar,” Cat snorts, giving a small shae of her head, “Pretty sure my brothers still wonder how we managed to actually end up falling for each other.”

Cat stiffens at the notion, swallowing the bite in her mouth, “There are people that believe they know how we managed that.” The memories of when she would call out to him in the months following her return to society and the calm responses of the doctors telling her that it was all made up, some side effect of whatever they drugged her with echo on the edge of her hearing. She swallows the memories back, “We did seem to meet up in some kind of middle, I’ll admit, even if it was brief.” Cat can’t even fake a smile as she casts her gaze down, no longer focusing on the plate in front of her. John slides the chair closer to her, reaching out to place his hand gently on hers.

He gives a small smile when she looks up at him, “There’s still time. We can always pick up where we left off,” Cat’s stomach flips, her chest pulling towards him while everything else backs away. He can’t be serious. He knows why we can’t, “After all, we do have a child together, so I doubt we’ll ever fully be out of each other’s life.”

“John,” she warns, looking up, “we’ve talked about this.”

“I’ll be good, don’t worry,” he says softly, “Just hard not to think about, on today of all days.”

Cat frowns, “What do you mean ‘today of all days’?”

He gives a genuine smile, something she forgot he could do, “It’s the day this all started.”

“You remembered,” she gives John a pointed look, arching a brow, “the exact day I finally woke up after the accident?”

“I could tell you the exact date if you’d like but it seems a little irrelevant considering that day passed.”

She opened her mouth ready to argue, closing it as she glanced at the digital clock on the wall the date spelled out for her. “Our wedding,” she whispered, eyes moving slowly to look back at John slowly, unease threatening to climb her spine, “That was today wasn’t it?”

He nods, giving a small hum, “Married seventeen years today.”

“I think illegally in the eyes of the law, technically, but that’s more your department,” Cat looks down to the bag still at his feet, “Is that why you brought that stuff?”

John gives a nonchalant shrug, “Kind of seems silly now, don’t you think? Especially since I was the only one of us to remember,” he laughs softly trying to keep the mood light.

“I used to remember it,” she admits pushing some of the food on her plate, “Used to fixate on that date to a point I’d get upset when it wasn’t.” Cat lets out a slow breath, “Used to convince myself that you would finally come back, would whisk me away from that place and we’d live out our lives happily, because surely my husband, who loved me so deeply and obsessively, wouldn’t just abandon me on our anniversary.” 

“Ah,” he hunches, leaning his elbows on the table, “I see.”

“Eventually days started to blur and I worked to actively not think about Montana. Honestly it became too painful to do so and I had Liz to focus on.” She shook her head, “So I’m sorry, I-well I needed to forget that date. Forget the significance of today.”

“I understand,” John attempts a smile that falls quickly, “The first one didn’t go so well for me either. I lost your ring….,” he sighs, “O well the dep-Chance stole it from me. Probably should have taken that as a sign looking back at it all.”

They let the silence fall, each taking small bites finding nothing either could do to lift the disappointment. Cat paused peering closer to the contents John had brought with him, the only thing she could identify with certainty being a bottle of wine. It’s just one night. It doesn’t have to mean anything long term, She bit the inside of her lip, It doesn’t even have to go beyond talking. She swallowed, inhaling deeply, standing to make her way to the cabinets, John watching curiously. 

She pulled down two goblets, one a smokey black and the other a deep red, giving them a quick rinse and drying them off before walking back to the table. “Now don’t read too much into this,” she started going back for the wine opener, “but given we were both sort of on good terms with the other at the time of our first anniversary I say that we let ourselves celebrate it late.”

John smirked, arching a brow, “Do you really think that’s a good idea, my Catlina ,” he asked, pulling out the bottle from the bag, taking the opener from her.

“I think it’s the nice and right thing to do,” she smiled giving a shrug, “Besides it might help us get some closure on us.”

He pulled the cork out with ease, eyes widening, watching as she poured their glasses. There was little hesitation to her words, something that he once again should have seen coming, still it did little to ease the sting, “Yeah, it could,” he agreed reluctantly, “We both can use the closure.” 

She threw him a smile, going to the fridge once more putting away the remaining dinner, John took a glance at the small purple wrapped box he pulled from his pocket as she announced her idea of celebrating. He took a deep breath sliding it back into place, opting to pull out the small container of chocolate covered fruit before Cat had turned back to him fully, his smile on to its full charm once more. He could let himself enjoy these few hours, let himself believe that there was a chance for them once more. John held up his glass once she sat down, “To celebrating our first and only year of marriage,” Cat laughed, tapping her glass against his before they took their first drink of the night. One night. She could let herself indulge in the fantasy she once, still, craved for just this one night. It didn’t have to mean anything more.

[crystallos-sol]

Hey have another meta on Gray & Natsu because I don't think I went deep enough.

Gray is traumatized and can't even voice his emotions sometimes. Natsu understands him WITHOUT any issues even during this time.

Don't believe me? Here look at this:

Natsu knows Gray just basically said:

" I care about you please take care of yourself "

I'm so emotional about these two because they are great and they understand each other on a deeper wavelength than I have ever seen within Fairy Tail.

I'll throw in multiple examples for you to compare but please come up with your own. Rewatch the show or Read the manga if you want to, there's so many examples that I cannot fit into one post so I have to suffer with a few. (Not including Happy has I think it's best to put people that aren't his kid,,,,)

First up: Lisanna.

I'm not hating on the ship at all. I'm picking people CLOSEST to Natsu & Gray. And she was essentially close to Natsu before her death. They raised Happy together and had a secret hideout for fucks sake.

Lisanna has I recall from the episodes we had of her, was close with Natsu. But something changed. Because her death hurt Natsu and changed him into a different person. That's clear to see. But her death drove a wedge between them and changed the entire relationship for good.

Lisanna was Natsu's friend, back before her death but however I believe that we do not know much of her outside of her death and how it affected Fairy Tail. We also do know about her Family and how it hurt them. But not about Lisanna, from what we can gather from the many episodes of Fairy Tail she is kind hearted and genuinely loves her family and doesn't want to lose them again. (Her reactions to her siblings being thrown into danger.)

But again her death drove fear and grief into Natsu and that's why him and Lisanna aren't exactly close anymore, because Natsu runs from his feelings. It's also hard to talk to someone you haven't seen since you where a teenager.

Up next who is/was close with Gray: Erza. We know Gray ran after her and helped to fix her tears, even making a child's promise about it. We also know, Gray was Erza's first real friend. Gray has a child was close with Erza in that regard. I do believe Erza shoved him away like she does with everything in response to what happened to her. (But that's a post for another time.)

Gray is still close with Erza, but due to Erza never feeling as if she can stop being Titania he is not as close to her as he is Natsu.

Lucy, who is one of Natsu's best friends, is actually close with Natsu. But unlike with Gray Natsu usually is (Ignoring Mashima's horrible writting between for now because that's a WHOLE OTHER issue) saving her or protecting her. At least it was like that until recently when Lucy finally got the character development and upgrade she deserves.

Lucy is close to Natsu but Natsu also doesn't want to lean on her. Yes you can qoute multiple instances and scenes where it appears he is leaning on her. But however with this you have to take into account the period of time Natsu has known her. The trust issues Natsu already has and previous trauma he has gotten and even new trauma!

Now it gets worse because this is dipping a little into Mashima's terrible characterization and understanding of how people function and feel. Especially women. Take Lisanna and Lucy, if you think about it they are essentially the same fucking character. Both are kind, stubborn, where hurt by someone they love, left their home behind for a number of years, painted has a badass while also simultaneously being soft and delicate.

Sound familar?

Because that's basically the Mashima guide to write a female character. Now what really gets me is the final thing that really cements it. They both have been/are in the supporting role for Natsu. Don't you dare go saying: But Lucy is the main character!

You, like the rest of is because Mashima wrote her like shit, didn't even know that until the interview or you saw that Fairy Tail fact post. The majority of us thought it was Natsu. Because in reality Mashima did NOT start writting her like a main character. He did not give her the good motivation every single damn Fairy Tail Character has.

Lucy & Lisanna have the same number of things that make up their characterization, and yes so do a number of Fairy Tail characters. But that's not the point. The point is that Lucy reminds Natsu of Lisanna in some ways and Natsu cannot bring himself to trust and lean on her fully like he can with Gray. It is not an attack on Nalu. Nalu is a fine ship if only written correctly (aka: Not Mashima's Version Which Is Horrible And Toxic But That's Another Meta For Another Time.).

This is a post about how Gray and Natsu are close. That's it. Natsu cannot bring himself to fully trust Lucy and lean on her comfortably without 1) forcing himself, 2) it happening outside of his control because of past trauma which by the way knowing Natsu he did not do anything about it and most likely bottled it up.

Wow that was a long session on Lucy but in summary: Natsu is traumatized and is not mentally healthy like the entirety of the Guild.

Now, the last one, which I'm sure you can GUESS. It's Juvia. Because some people think that Gray and Juvia are the " closest people! " And " he doesn't let anyone really touch him other than her! "

1) Bullshit. And 2) Bullshit. Here's why:

Juvia is a toxic character who stalks and uncomfortably idolizes Gray to the point it's fucking ridiculous. There are multiple scenes of her following (stalking) Gray around and being jealous of Lucy. Even declaring her a " Love Rival ".

This is probably because: Gray was the first person that was decent to her. (She was bullied for who knows how long and involved in a toxic guild + an abusive relationship.) Before you say shit about Gajeel: He's not nice. Gajeel before all of this, was an asshole, now he is nice which is pretty cool and a great character development. Back then? He was not nice.

Which brings me to Gray. Who even is okay with being stalked, being grabbed randomly and having someone so obsessed with you they made fucking dolls of you? No one. Before you argue: But he doesn't pull away from her!

Gray is most likely touch starved. Considering his entire background and general tendency to not receive hugs or any sort of affection usually. My evidence for this? Myself. I am touch starved and I often react bad to touches from strangers or creepy people but I also have a late reaction time. Because my body is saying: Oh touch???? And my brain is screaming: No.

He also could be trying to be decent. Which is all he did in the first place. He could be trying to not hurt her feelings and yes you could say he hurt Mira's feelings when he called her stupid for betting on Natsu but he also was apologising and panicky because he didn't want to hurt her.

Also if I even have to explain further why being stalked and basically turned into a fetish and an object is a bad thing then clearly something is fucking wrong with you.

Gray however feels safe likely with Natsu, who's been there from the beginning, took on Deliora, fought too many people just because one of his friends are in danger, has repeatedly stopped Gray from using Iced Shell and was ready to Die with him.

Natsu in return probably feels safe and like he can trust Gray to handle himself because this man has been there since day one and even can take Natsu himself on with no problem. Natsu also probably is happy Gray is nothing like Lisanna or Lucy. Because Gray is Gray and he doesn't remind Natsu of anything traumatizing he's been through.

They both trust one another and stay by one another's side because they are both understanding that they aren't gonna leave. Because think about it, Gray has lost family and his mentor to death. He has suffered through that. You wanna know who's constantly beating death on its ass???? Natsu " I refuse to die " Dragneel.

Natsu has lost family by being abandoned and by Death. He got it both ways and he's suffering because of it. But Gray who's stubborn has shit and stood death in the face at a young age and screamed fuck you at the top of his lungs, wouldn't leave. Gray who fucking went through hell and back, destoryed his own infiltration mission just because Natsu Dragneel rolled up, Keeps Trying To Protect Him, Never once wants to lose Natsu. And Natsu knows that. Because Gray is his constant. Gray is that constant presence in his life he knows for a fact he can trust.

But idfk that's just my thoughts on them.

[thedreadvampy]

this is kind of a Hot Take (and rlly long) so don't feel pressured to post this

also no one cancel thedreadvampy over posting this ask if she does these are my beliefs and not necessarily hers kthx

I'm honestly really uncertain why people are so militant about aphobia on this site. like obviously aphobes are Not Nice People and it's good to be against their shitty beliefs. But I've been on this site for ~5 years and I have never, in my memory, seen an aphobe (with the few exception of like. literal nazis but their main label isn't aphobe). I have seen a lot of people who were then harassed/cancelled being called aphobes in addition to a lot of other things like (homophobic, racist, abusive, etc) but as far as I bothered to figure out, the label of aphobe came from one specific phrase they used or one post they reblogged (though I can't be bothered to Deep Research so I genuinely don't know on this one).

(I have seen casual acephobia in my own personal life. however, that is not Tumblr.)

I have seen scores of posts along the lines of "aphobes are bad" "aphobes dni" etc etc.

Maybe it's just who I follow, but it seems like there's a lot more anti-aphobe sentiment than aphobes. Which is good! It's the goal! However, I think it's possible that that anti-aphobe sentiment has not become "look how few aphobes there are! yay!" it's "there are hidden aphobes all around us and you have to interrogate everyone to know who to ostracize"

You're a fairly popular figure in the mechs/tma fandoms and the thing about Tumblr is that it hates popular figures. And more than that, you're visible, so a) people will see if you answer a bunch of questions about ace things, and b) you exist in everyone's brains more than little blogs.

to be clear. to be absolutely crystal 100% clear: I am not saying that people got together and went "let's interrogate all the popular blogs so we can pretend theyre acephobic and have fun bullying people," I'm saying it's possible that what was once a positive emotion, "we don't tolerate intolerant people" has possibly, in some people, morphed into a fear that intolerant people are hiding all around them. And frankly, that fear can be understandable (not right, not kind, but understandable), especially if they face hate irl and their only outlet for emotion is tumblr. shit, Tumblr is one of my emotional outlets.

I don't think it's bad to engage with these people in good faith, or to answer questions, but I think it's possible that some of them are coming from the "intolerant people are hiding all around us and must be ferreted out" kind of perspective instead of a "hey I wanna check that this person isn't an intolerant asshole before following/supporting them" or "I want to engage with a person who may be ignorant" (I'm not attempting to imply that you're ignorant). Im not saying "not answer their questions" this is just, like, my opinion. I'm not making a lot of actionable statements here.

that's my whole Hot Take, hopefully I made some kind of sense, I just honestly feel kind of mad on your behalf that you have to go thru an interrogation to be Not Tumblr Cancelled. If people were generally having a nuanced discussion then that would be fine but you've already stated several times that ace/aspec people are valid and deserve love and respect etc etc. which as an aspec person makes me feel that your blog is safe for me, and I don't feel the need to play 20 Questions Are You Sure You Aren't An Aphobe

I don't know how much of this I entirely agree with and I refuse to think

(not about this. just in general. today I refuse to think)

my main response to this is:

a) I think my confusion is I have less than 1500 followers I think I always assumed the You Are Now A Public Figure People Have Opinions On mark had to be higher than that but this appears to have been a totally incorrect assumption

b) I don't feel like. a threat of Cancellation except inasmuch as I don't want Kofi to eventually get any kind of kickback if I turn out to be or people understand me to be a shitty person. I didn't ask for a platform or do anything to deserve it, if I get distressed it's largely just that I don't want to be a shitty person! and I have a whole thing about. I don't ever feel secure in my ability to say I'm NOT being shitty so like if enough people start saying AH RUTH THEDREADVAMPY IS A GARBAGE PERSON I definitely do stay wondering if they're right even if I think my position is morally defensible. like I'm very easy to get into a spiral of I think that's highly defensible but maybe I'm just in denial/trying to cover my ass/self-justifying so I can avoid accountability/etc. like this is a thing and it's why I'm very uncomfortable with absolutism, a lot of my family in my experience have a phenomenal capacity for denial and for rewriting reality into something they Fully Believe despite all the evidence, and so I'm really conscious of the possibility that I'm doing that and I wouldn't. know about it. it's a really really powerful subconscious force and that's been like. a big fear point for me my whole life. that I could be being a cunt and be obviously being a cunt and be so deep in denial that it just doesn't register at all. this is like. the thing I fear most. So I DO want people to tell me if I'm being a dick because the only way I can 100% know I'm not just in denial is if I can trust people to call me in, but I really, really, really struggle with when people say I'm being a dick and I disagree, not because they're harassing me necessarily but just because it really sends me into a spiral of doubting my own ability to be sure about like, anything. at all. it's a whole unreality thing which is, uh, it's MINE to deal with, it's not something I would want to put on other people, but it very much does affect my responses and I didn't mean to write this but hey, no therapy last week and it shows.

oh also c) on reflection I don't agree that there's very little aphobia on Tumblr (although as I've said I'm not ace or aro so my opinion should hold little weight) but I do think that there's a lack of give and take, not just in aphobia stuff but also in general, in these kinds of conversations, like sometimes yeah people are actively hateful but I don't think there's any room for misunderstanding, poor phrasing, or questioning, and I understand that that's coming from a really genuine place of pain and devaluation of aro/ace experiences but I also think people jump straight to assuming active malice very fast, and often explicitly consider "actively not stating an opinion" to be an offence on the level of "actively staying a harmful opinion," which I think is unhelpful. like. we learn by listening, there are times in my life where I would have been lying at the time to agree unconditionally with something like "I think we should believe survivors" (I was a 2000s teen who hung out with 4channers) but I also was conscious of the harm that it would do to publicly debate from the perspective that No We Shouldn't Believe Survivors, so you know I waited and I listened and I thought about it and ultimately I came to a position I could say with my chest. but like. The online social more that you Have to have an opinion and I Have to hear it to prove that you have the Right opinion is. uncomfortable to me to say the least. I don't think it gives you much room to learn and improve, especially given that everything on the internet is permanent and often treated as if it forever reflects your current beliefs. like I have changed my opinions So Much since I was 16 and if someone went back through a tag on my blog to Prove My Bad Opinions they could paint pretty much any picture they wanted with 12 years of changing opinions.

anyway yeah like. no I don't fully agree with this ask but I appreciate the alternate perspective. I also did not mean to write another wall of text I'm just very much In A Brain Hole today and sometimes words Just Happen.

[lanzhanlanzhan]

This is a Wang Yibo Appreciation Post

Okay, first of all, whoever was responsible for even considering Wang Yibo as Lan Wangji ought to get an award. I mean look at this boy

Who looked at him and thought, "Yes! A perfect Lan Wangji!" It boggles the mind. In fact, one of the funniest things I found when the series was first aired was UNIQ fans belatedly realizing that Lan Wangji was being played by Wang Yibo. The whiplash must have been something because the gap is just unreal.

I remember that back when news came out that there would be a live action adaptation of MDZS, not a lot of people were behind Wang Yibo being casted as Lan Wangji. I would even admit to being one of the naysayers, and if I delve deep into this trash bin of a blog, I would probably find something I said last year that was along those lines. Mind you, this was in stark contrast to how people reacted to Xiao Zhan; most people liked him, thought he looked great as Wei Wuxian, and he just got a lot of approval on the get-go. The promotional posters that came out though just did not really do Wang Yibo justice. As Lan Wangji, he did not look the part, he seemed quite young, who even was Wang Yibo, or if you knew Wang Yibo, like really, Wang Yibo? And so on and so forth. 

The great reveal though is that apparently, Wang Yibo is the kind of guy you just have to see in action. The moment I got into him playing Lan Wangji? I was sold. I was so sold I would willingly eat my shoe for everything I ever said about CQL casting back in 2018. That face, the look? Picture perfect. His manner, his restraint, the way he conducts himself in fight scenes? It was sheer genius casting a dancer for the kind of grace required to pull off the esteemed Hanguang-jun. I love Wang Yibo's Lan Wangji and knowing what I know now, if you give me another actor to play Lan Wangji, I would stab him in the eyeballs, I am not kidding. Don't give me anyone else other than Wang Yibo.

Now, Xiao Zhan has proven time and again that he understands Wei Wuxian, and the great thing is he is articulate about it. I think it's pretty well known that this boy makes entire speeches and writes legit essays when asked about Wei Wuxian. We love that about him, and I think this is also why he is so popular with the fans. We don't get as much of that from Wang Yibo, but much like how it wasn't until we saw him in action that he proved why he was a fitting Lan Wangji, the same could be said here. He does understand Lan Wangji. How do we know? Because it just shows. I find that appreciating this boy is in seeing him just do things. I remember how it was when, with each episode that passed, people just started noticing how Lan Wangji—poker face extraordinaire—was behaving in each of his scenes. We went, "Was that--? Holy shit, yes, it is?? How is this actor pulling off these micro-expressions? How is it that we are actually getting emotions from Lan Wangji??"

This went on up until a lot of us slowly realized, "You know what? This is a really good Lan Wangji we have here."

The Untamed also gave us a lot of promotional and behind-the-scenes content, so let's talk about that, too. There is something refreshingly genuine with Wang Yibo that I don't think I often see in many celebrities. It could be because he's young, but that just makes it more impressive how well he is performing on-screen. Out of costume though, he doesn't seem to have many filters, and it is such a riot following him and listening to the kind of shit he says in interviews (and taking note of how the "more adult" Xiao Zhan reacts to them).

Besides, a drama with two guys as leads? This could have easily been a recipe for clashing egos. While whichever actors playing Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji would find themselves being called the "two male leads" of the show, the fact of the matter is, Wei Wuxian's character is defined by his actions and his convictions. He fights against something larger than himself, and in this sense he is the typical hero of a story. Lan Wangji, meanwhile, is defined by his devotion to Wei Wuxian. 

People get compared all the time, rankings are a thing, and product endorsement usually can only afford one popular celebrity as a brand ambassador. One could very easily be the actor who resents Lan Wangji's popularity being dependent on Wei Wuxian, and thus be considered "secondary" to Wei Wuxian. But instead, and despite all the wrong ways things could go, we got chemistry on screen and camaraderie behind the scenes. Wang Yibo favored Xiao Zhan and did not compete with him. It probably helped that Xiao Zhan is older (thank goodness for Asian values), but then Wang Yibo has been a celebrity for longer. Again, it could have gone badly.

I cannot stress enough how important it is to me that Lan Wangji's actor likes Wei Wuxian. It's not by any means a necessity, but a wonderful, wonderful bonus to all this—because what self-respecting Lan Wangji wouldn't adore his Wei Wuxian? We got cute banter behind the scenes, with Wang Yibo even seeming to be most partial to Xiao Zhan and generally being playful with him despite having a reputation of being cold to co-stars. He genuinely seemed to have had a lot of fun with his co-actor. I do not ship them nor do I follow RPF, but I find that them having that amiable and sometimes affectionate atmosphere does wonders for my own shipping of Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji. It's like everything just feels safe and good, and my boys are happy together in all iterations of their universe. 

I will always be thankful to these actors for interpreting these beloved characters so respectfully, especially given the nature of Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji's relationship. With the threat of censorship being a very real thing for them, I'm glad we still got the bond—and yes, love—between Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji in the scenes they share on-screen. (Actually, I sometimes wonder if Wang Yibo's, uh, violence towards Xiao Zhan is a remnant of Lan Wangji's affection for Wei Wuxian that Wang Yibo hasn't shaken off after they end a scene, lol. What's a guy to do with those feelings, right?)

Anyway, this accidental meta was brought to you by all these goodbye posts with CQL ending. I reiterate all the "thank you's" to the cast, but really for me, my appreciation goes most of all to our unexpectedly excellent Lan Wangji. I said so much shit about him last year, but he ended up being my absolute favorite of the cast. Wang Yibo took Lan Wangji and brought him to life in a way I never thought I needed, and now holy hell, I am churning up fanfic like mad every week. It has been such a wonderful journey, and never have I more sincerely wished success for any show's actor as much as I do for this boy. I was so, so wrong about him, but boy, never have I been happier for being proven wrong.