#I genuinely can't believe I have to go to college and continue working I'm actually gonna throw up

[mirabel-on-a-bicycle]

hey maybe I'll just stop watching shows from now on :) maybe that's an idea. never love anything and all that

[charmac]

I’m new to this fandom and was hoping you could provide some insight. How come people seem to really dislike Rob ? What are your thoughts on him?

We need a welcome packet to the Fandom at this point, honestly.

I'm not gonna go through the exhaustive list of things you could call Rob McElhenney out for, but I will give you some insight on the fandom relationship with Rob.

Rob was always the more "humble" of RCG, having actually come from Philly, growing up in the lower class, no college education, basically completely scraping by to become an actor and create Sunny.. well, you know that story. Up until very recently, Rob has always seemed to hold to his values in the core idea of Sunny, that creatives should have control of their work, that the best stuff comes from the people who have the ideas and create it.

Since meeting and going into business with Ryan Reynolds, he's kind of done a complete 180 in that regard. Buying into NFTs and Crypto, believing A.I. has a place in writing for television and we should be using it.. (you can look into his company Adim for more on that) and straight-up admitting he wants to be in the "Ownership business," and is moving away from the creative side of his endeavors. Every other thing out of Rob's mouth nowadays is to build this new image of "Ryan Reynolds magnitude": that he's a businessman, that he should be seen as Hollywood elite, that he wants to be worth billions...as opposed to, you know, a guy that has cool ideas and makes really cool things...

So the Fandom watched Rob go from a humble, "doing it for the love of it" guy to "owning as much as possible and exploiting new technology to get there" business man, and that's rough, and gross, and sucks (and backseats Sunny.. a lot). On top of that there's the history Rob has, especially with Sunny, satirising/commentating on certain subjects poorly and doubling down on having done it, and him having the political views of what I'd call an "Obama Democrat," (take a walk through his older Instagram posts and off-handed remarks on TASP)... It's enough to kind of pick your poison or pile on and actively dislike/hate Rob as a person.

My personal thoughts are.. complicated. I don't "stan" Rob (or any real person for that matter), I love the show, and I will continue to see and value what Rob has to say about it because it's his show. He's the creator of my favourite thing in the entire world, and he still does put a lot into that thing, and you can't shake that Sunny is not Sunny in any way shape or form without him. On top of that, I have met him and I can't understate how genuine he was to meet and talk to, and how kind he was to me holds a lot of weight in my opinion of him (unfortunately? lol?). So I can't say I dislike him, but I can say I continue to be disappointed by his recent endeavours, and I hope he snaps out of it (though I don't think he will).

I don't blame people who dislike him or even hate him, I don't think there's any expectation for a fan of Sunny to like RCG (whether they never talk about them or openly talk shit about them), and I don't think there's a reason for fans to argue over liking/disliking them as people. They're all white, cishet (presenting) middle-aged guys in Hollywood who live in million dollar houses, there's no brownie points for defending them and there's no morality awards being handed out for calling them out. Feel how you want, Sunny's the focus here

[fancyfade]

Hi so I’m a Damian fan, who is still trying to get into comics and DC in general and stuff. I do know some tidbits from fandom and different blogs that I follow that do analysis.

However after a discussion with my brother (who’s been in special-ed), came this question? I don’t really know how to ask this but I’ll try to phrase it the best I can??

When it comes to schooling realistically would he be put into Special ED (Special-Education?)

While Damian doesn’t have a disability, I think because of his upbringing. Okay let me explain a little. Since Damian has college levels of education, being put into regular classes wouldn’t be considered challenging enough and if he were to be tested, the teacher probably would have to meet with his parents on whether or not to have him move up several grades?

And if the whole reason for Damian to being put into school is to help socially, then maybe special-Ed would help him? Because, the teachers are more hands on and (according to my brother) more focused on social development. And Special ED usually more works on basic life skills which probably is more of Damian needs.

But anyways, I know probably comic writers are not going to do that. But I thought it was an interesting thing to bring up for discussion?

I don't have personal experience with special education, so I can't comment on that. Teaching experience wise I can say there are two different ways people adapt content for students with disabilities:

Accommodations are ways you help students learn the same content as their peers. This can be making sure the content is conveyed via multiple means (ex: always having something visual to help explain while you are talking), breaking stuff into smaller chunks for students with ADHD, and like... a gazillion other things.

Modifications actually change what is demanded of the student, so you are asked to learn different content than your peers. I am under the impression that some special ED programs might allow for a modified curriculum, as im doing some research.

WRT hands on teacher stuff, I know that some students genuinely have a hard time managing their behavior in a regular classroom and can benefit from more individualized attention. We do know Damian isn't one of those students, though.

Continuing to connect this to DC comics characters, with my general lack of experience in special education in specific? If his parents were putting him in a non-mainstream-school thing I'm not sure why they would choose special ed instead of a gifted program, when both would presumably involve smaller classes with a more hands on teacher, but the special ED teacher would probably have a wide range of abilities to teach to. I think Damian also has had lots of experience working with teachers in small classroom environments (getting tutored 1-on-1 for most of his childhood :P) so I assume if he wants to learn more about peer social interaction he'd benefit more from something he's not used to, like a bigger classroom size? IDK. He's had small class sizes a lot of his life.

I do want to point out that Social Emotional Development is a current buzzword in teaching (and some people think it's getting too much attention and teachers are being asked to do things that reasonably should be parents responsibility but... :P not gonna get into teaching discourse since I do not have a lot of strong opinions on it) and lots of people want to try to work on kids development socially even in mainstream classes. However obviously that's hard with big class sizes.

Anyway TL;DR: I'm not really seeing how it would come up realistically, but take that with a grain of salt due to my lack of experience.

EDIT: Ok after reviewing my notes and a teensy bit more research, I don't think it's realistic I can't believe I fucking forgot the least restrictive environment thing XD and while obviously the least restrictive environment for any given student is not always a mainstream classroom, in many cases kids who receive special education services do spend time in mainstream classrooms, and at least in the US (which he is going to school in US so I think I can use this generalization :P) the goal admin would have is that the kids in Special ED do spend time in mainstream classrooms as they can, you don't spend like the whole day in a separate room. A lot of the general thought atm is that kids are not separate from their peers without justification.

[ambrosianlullaby]

Movin’ Out, Growin’ Up, Makin’ Changes

Words: 698

Characters: Dirk’s Bro | Alpha Dave Strider, Dirk Strider, Roxy's Mom | Alpha Rose Lalonde (mentioned), Roxy Lalonde (mentioned)

Tags: Family Fluff

Notes: Made for the 24 Hour Homestuck Zine!

Read below the cut!

Dirk Strider awoke well rested and ready for his day. Which, is a lot more than young-adults his age could say for themselves. He'd only slept in until nine, but that didn't seem to affect him as he stretches his arms above his head. 

He grabs his pair of shades from the nightstand, hooking them into the collar of his shirt. Dirk’s fingers trace over the bumpy texture of his room's drywall, paint peeling in a familiar and comforting way. "Bro!" He calls out for his older brother as he treks on. The dirt in the bedroom carpet underneath him scraped against calluses on his feet.

Dirk had gotten up without issue and gently scratched at the skin of his lower back with a yawn. He didn't need any time to adjust to the dim lights of the apartment, crossing the thin stretch of hallway from his room to the bathroom.

A voice came from the kitchen, a room away, in the apartment. "Are you finally getting your ass out of here?" It said, charged with the same energy as a smirk.

"In a few hours, yeah," Dirk answers without thinking. "Last few boxes to load up in the truck." His scarred knuckles turn a paler shade as he grips his toothbrush, poking his head out into the hall to be met with the smug face of his older brother. "Then I'll be out of your hair for good. You should celebrate."

"I will. I'll pop open a bottle of champagne and tell Rosalind the good news."

"Don't, she'll blow my phone notifications sky high. There will be so many that if they were physical objects we could make a staircase to the moon. Bro, that's way too many notifications, we don't even need to go to the moon." Dirk shuts himself up by finally brushing his teeth, surprised to see a fluff of blond in the corner of the mirror.

D was now next to him, smirking and messing up Dirk's not-yet-gelled hair as much as he could before getting swatted by a stray hand. "I dunno, the moon sounds cool, kiddo." 

"Actually," He stops brushing for just a minute. "Just had my birthday, remember? No kids in sight in this apartment. There hasn't been any in two years."

"Is that so?"

Dirk nods, refocusing his attention to scrubbing away the morning breath. He spits in the sink and gives his brother a flat look. "Can't wait to get rid of me now, but you'll have the waterworks running soon. Beyond that, you'll probably get empty nest syndrome too."

D rolls his eyes, leaning against the bathroom door frame. "Nah, I've had enough exposure to children for this life. You were a menace at three."

Their banter continues, even when Dirk pushes his brother out to actually use the bathroom. They'd just kept talking through the door until deciding that breakfast before boxes would be a good choice. 

Shades secured on both Striders' faces, they ate at the kitchen counter; a healthy meal consisting of a piece of toast with a good slather of orange purée and apple butter.

"Can't believe you've both grown up *and* you're moving out,” D's lips seemed to quirk down slightly. "You're going to college, this seems like a dream and I'll wake up to you having cracked your head open on the old roof."

Dirk frowned. He could understand, he felt the same way after all. "Nope. It's real, no brains spilled on cement for me. None of that for either of us."

The elder Strider slowly nods, a genuine smile spreading on his face at the haphazard confirmation. It wasn’t a rare sight, D smiling, but it was nice all the same. It made Dirk’s lips quirk up to join him, throwing an arm around his older brother's shoulder in a truly rare half-hug.

"We're alive, and I'm going to college with Roxy. Don't go stir crazy being alone here."

"I'm not alone, Dirk. I've got friends."

"Wizard book lady?"

They both laugh and finally get to work on moving Dirk's boxes to the truck. The two brothers spent a while slacking off, though, making up strange new secret handshakes.

[bloogers-boogers]

Another AU cause my ao3 still ain't working 🤪👊🏼 (I'm screeching rn)

Anyways, Au where Cartman and Kyle go camping for their one year anniversary! (Of being boyfriends; Cartman's just being extra)

Kyle wondered around the place while Cartman unpacked his stuff, they had arrived like an hour ago, so he's just being extra cautious if there's no one else around and to examine his surroundings just in case of anything.

He also brought his bag with him, just in case Cartman decides to snoop around his shit and find something he's not supposed to see.

Yes, he may had thought Cartman's plan in going on a camping trip was a little extra but he himself was just as much. The thing is.. he had planned on proposing.

Yes, it may be soon but Cartman was in no position to say no to him. It not that he is being too desperate but by this point it felt like it were ages since they we're together.

And yes, Kyle may sound crazy at the age of eighteen proposing a long life commitment to his already forever partner, but he had already made up his mind! He liked having things secured just like getting accepted in to Harvard and saving up money for his college tuition.

Honestly, the fact that he managed all that while ALSO dealing with Cartman is admirable.

He has managed to see Cartman's growth in character, he's never been more proud of him, and that says alot.

However, as happy as it was for him to hear the news that Cartman was accepted in to Columbia the worry still ate him alive. It's not like he's overly possessive or dependent on Cartman but the idea of being a couple of miles away from him not being able to see each other for who knows how long (bc of their new schedules/ distance) and knowing It's inevitable for Cartman to meet new people, and with how overly social Cartman is makes him feel a little uncertain in the strength of their relationship.

Not that he believed Cartman would ever be unfaithful to him... but nonetheless make him his husband! And keep them snakes away while he's not around.

So having his relationship secured by a signed up piece of paper and some rings will do for now while they manage to settle things down in their new lives as college students, a perfectly logical solution.

On the other hand Cartman was preparing his own little secret plan, and that was... suggesting to become a college drop out for the sake of moving in with Kyle and never leaving his side. It's not like he was dependant on Kyle It's because he NEEDED him. Two completely different things.

However, he also knew Kyle would never let him doom his future like that over him, and mostly now that he knew he was accepted in to Columbia. Even though he was mostly encouraged because of a bet, it did excite him that he was in fact, successful. The idea of actually accomplishing something for his own benefit that's in a way rightfully something to be proud of is new for him. Kyle's smile when he read him the acceptance letter, the words he used to congratulate him..

"KYLE I FUCKING GOT IN! BABE! I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE IT!? YOU SEE THIS?? FUCK, BABY LOOK!"

Cartman kept showing his letter like some excited puppy to Kyle over the millionth time that same minute as Kyle smiled slyly while shaking his head unamused by his reaction.

"I knew you'd get in, you were already very smart before actually putting your ass in to it."

Cartman blushed recalling that moment, somehow making Kyle genuinely compliment him and proud just made him so happy. It's was quite selfish of him to throw all his efforts away and putting to waste Kyle's encouragement on continuing to pursue a great future for himself. But in all honesty, his future with Kyle seem further greater than some degree.

But maybe it wasn't entirely bad...

Normally Kyle would help him with these tough choices, which is why he needs Kyle! What happens if he goes into some crisis over there and doesn't have Kyle around for help/ guidance?

Who's gonna cuddle him at night when he gets a nightmare? Who's gonna kiss him gently in the forehead and reassure him everything is going to be alright after a really bad episode?

The idea of Kyle not being around scared him... what if he meets somebody over there? What if he finds issues in their distance relationship? What if he leaves him...

All of that just piles up on his insecurities.

He hates the idea of ever leaving Kyle's side cause he knew he deserved better, and that maybe the distance would make him realize that sooner.

So these two idiots began doing the activities they planned for the trip. They swam in the lake, they ate lunch, they walked for hours, a lot of small pecks here and there, hand holding, and dancing alongside the music from Cartman's car. The night began to arise and they fell inside the back of the car laying there while watching the dark sky with now bright stars covering it at whole, their legs dangled out while they giggled and talk about nonsense almost to midnight.

At a point they look at each other getting lost into their eyes. Inevitably smiling like dumbasses.

This was it, this was the chance they could...

"I want to marry you"

"Let me be your drop out daddy"

[munson-blurbs]

Hello! Rather than Eddie asking out a shy reader, could I request shy reader working up the courage and asking Eddie out and just making him feel really loved and special?

Please reblog this if it comes on your feed; Tumblr isn't showing my blog in search or tags. Thank you!

Warning: fluff, nervousness, mentions of past abuse

WC: 1k

--

Underneath the Dungeon Master bravado, the cockiness that emanates from his pores during his various cafeteria speeches, Eddie Munson is quiet and introspective. Not too many people get to see that side of him, but you're one of the lucky people who does, probably because you're pretty shy as well.

The side of him that pens sweet song lyrics, tongue poking between his lips. Before he locks the words away so no one will tease him for being sappy, he lets you read them.

The side of him that whispers stories about his mom. The way she used to gently comb through his curls, taking extra care not to tug too hard on the knots. How she would read fairytales to him until he fell asleep nestled against her chest. He's confided in you that she still visits in dreams to say that she loves him.

The side of him that opens up about how his dad used to hurt him. How he used to run as fast as little legs could carry him when he heard the man take off his belt with a snap. The venom behind the insults hurled at his own flesh and blood: worthless, waste of space, mistake.

The side of him that still carries the burdens of his childhood, truly believing that he doesn't deserve love. It's why he's never had a girlfriend, just a smattering of meaningless hookups and one-night stands. It's why you have to be extra gentle with his heart.

You take a deep breath as you nudge him slightly. He's engrossed in the latest song he's working on; you almost hate to interrupt him. But it's now or never.

"What's up, darlin'?" he asks with a small smile.

"I have to tell you something," you start. Your mouth feels dry, like there's cotton nestled beside your gums. "But you have to promise not to laugh."

Eddie nods. "Promise." He holds out a ringed pinky and you hook your around it.

"Um..." You feel the panic rising in you. This was a bad idea. This could ruin everything. "I think I failed my history quiz today," you supply lamely.

His brows furrow in confusion. "First of all, you probably didn't. You studied so hard, ya little nerd." He leans over and pinches your cheek, earning a laugh from you. "Second, that was not big enough for a pinky-promise. So either you're hiding something from me, or you owe me some juicier gossip." He looks at you knowingly, and you give in to his big brown eyes.

You feel like your whole body is trembling; you shove your hands in your jacket pockets to steady yourself. "Eddie, I like you. Like you more than a friend should. When we're not hanging out, I wish we were. I love our serious conversations, and I love when we're just being silly and watching dumb movies together. My favorite thing in the world is watching you on stage, being a badass rockstar. You make me smile all the time, even when I feel like the world is working against me. I think you're the sweetest guy I've ever met."

You pause for a moment, trying to read his expression. He looks perplexed, but not scared; more like he's genuinely surprised. Since he's not running screaming in the other direction, you continue.

"I know you don't believe in romance or relationships, but I...I had to tell you how I feel. Because it's our last year of high school--don't give me that look, you're the one who keeps saying that '86 will be your year," you remark when he cocks an eyebrow, "and I can't go off to college in the fall without saying anything. I'm sorry if I made things awkward, and we can just forget all about this actually. I'm gonna go home now." You end your babbling by scrambling for your jacket and backpack.

"Do I get to talk?" Eddie asks softly, taking your hand and pulling you back towards him. "I had no idea you felt that way about me."

"I-I'm not asking you to be my boyfriend or anything," you blurt out, terrified of scaring him off.

"You're not?" he questions, dropping your hand. "Then why..."

You shake your head. "You've told me that you can't ever see yourself in a relationship. I'm not trying to change you or make you do something you don't wanna do. I just felt like I was gonna explode if I didn't tell you."

Eddie takes a long, slow breath. "I did say that, didn't I?" He winces when you nod. "I've always been afraid of being open with someone, like they'll never talk to me again, or they'll use it against me. Blackmail or somethin'. But..." he bites his lower lip, "that doesn't mean I don't want it. Because I do. I want it with you."

It feels like the floor dropped out from underneath you. "Y-you do?"

"Darlin'," he pulls you so you sit gingerly on his lap, wrapping one arm around your waist, "you listen to me talk about my past, present, and future. Never judged where I came from. Taught me that being quiet sometimes isn't a bad thing. Plus," he adds with a wink, "you're pretty cute. Catch m'self looking at you all the time."

"Do you want to try this?" You twirl a lock of his hair around your finger. "Go on dates and be my boyfriend?"

Eddie taps his chin pensively. "Depends," he says with a teasing smile. "Will you be my girlfriend?"

"Eddie!" You throw your head back and laugh. Your body decompresses, relieved that he's still himself, still unequivocally Eddie.

He scoots you off his lap and grabs his keys from his bedside table. "C'mon," he says, holding out his hand, "I'm taking you out."

"Now?" When he nods, you ask, "Where?"

Eddie shrugs. "I dunno. We'll figure it out along the way."

You slip your fingers between his and follow him to the van, smiles never leaving either of your faces.

--

[spider-sideblog]

Hi, person who you said had “a bit of common sense” here again. Your logic is flawed, regardless of whether you believe it or not. I am sorry that you are receiving antisemitic hate, that is morally repugnant and I disavow any antisemite who shares my views on Israel. However, anti-Zionism and anti-Israeli beliefs do not automatically equate to antisemitism.

I have nothing but respect for Judaism, back in college I took several courses on it as part of my minor, and I am proud to say that I have Jewish friends who have wished for me to be inscribed in the Book of Life on Rosh Hashanah. I am also fervently anti-Israel, as I am against the ethnostates in general and apartheid in specific. Nothing in my anti-Israeli views is influenced by the religion of the country, and frankly I find it insulting that my desire for a singular, secular Palestinian state where Jews and Muslims can live together harmoniously causes me to be lumped in with antisemites.

Hey what's up!

So, you and I don't actually have differing views, at least not that much. It would absolutely be the dream to have Palestine be one state and for everyone to live in harmony huh?

But Jews got kicked out of Judea

They got kicked out of Spain (or forcibly converted)

They were kicked out of Russia

They were kicked out of Germany and Poland and France

They've historically been blamed for almost any travesty in a country where they resided

They are, without a doubt, unwanted

What would prevent them being kicked out of Palestine and massacred again at the slightest hint of trouble that can be blamed on them?

I don't typically support ethnostates, however, if you were kicked out of or killed in every country you resided in, you would also want to return to your homeland and make a small place for yourself to live in peacefully. You may even welcome like minded people to your home just because you know how hard it is.

I do not support the actions of the Israeli government, and I have lit a candle every day for all civilians affected by the Israel-Hamas war. I cannot condone just about anything that's been done to Palestinians, even from during the formation of Israel. It is a travesty that they were moved and given no support. It is a travesty that they continually are displaced because Israel wants them gone. I can't believe I have to say this but no, I do not support or defend the clear genocide happening. I assumed that would be obvious. I genuinely wish there was an option for both groups to exist peacefully near their homelands and their Holy Land. It's not guaranteed to stay peaceful, though

We don't actually have differing views on anything. I just take into account that, realistically, what I want isn't going to work. Antisemitism is on a steep rise again and the political climate in the states is very evocative of pre war Nazi Germany. Hamas is actively trying to kill as many Israeli civilians as possible- making it a war on Jews, not a war on Israel.

The issue is very nuanced, and I'm sorry so many people with your similar views are using this war to justify anti semitism. People with my similar views are using it to justify Islamophobia and genocide. Neither of us are being lumped well right now. I hope that if you have bullying in your inbox, it's not affecting your mental state. You actually seem very cool, and I'd be likely to follow you, anon

[lionheartslowstart]

Back Again

This weekend I took an impromptu trip to Los Angeles. (Okay, so it wasn't exactly impromptu but I can't say the real reason yet 🤫.) I've been jittery all week, but it wasn't until I was actually on the plane and the pilot announced, "Welcome to Flight blah blah, nonstop to LA. Our flight today will be 5 hours and 36 minutes. We will be departing shortly," that it actually hit me. I'll be going home this weekend.

I know that sounds crazy, to refer to a place I've been to 3 times (soon to be 4) for a total of about 6 weeks as "home." But that's genuinely how it feels to me. It just feels...correct.

New York hasn't felt that way in a long time for me. In fact, ever since I got back from LA last summer, a deep-seated resentment of New York has been slowly festering within me. It's strange, I used to love New York. I used to dream of having a big loft-style apartment in the heart of Manhattan. Now I'm itching to leave not just the city, but the whole state.

How did this happen? I can't know for sure, but I believe there are two reasons. The first boils down to all the trauma I've sustained over the last ten years. College was far and away the worst period of my life, and I would hardly call the years after that "better." I think on some level New York was basically ruined for me.

The other contributing factor is that I simply never imagined I could live far away from my family, which is also essentially my support system. And I'm not just talking about my immediate family. I'm quite close with my extended family as well. All of them, with one exception, live in the tri-state area, or at least close by. The idea of living in Los Angeles wasn't even on my radar. And why would I even dream of it, when I loved New York so much? But then I went to LA for the first time in 2018, and suddenly it was a possibility. And as time passed and I continued to grow and heal, it became even more of a possibility.

A few weeks ago, I made a post alluding to a decision I had made. I suppose this is the Part 2.

Right before New Years, I made the impulse decision to apply to grad school, something I always said I would never do. Yet, I had a sudden urge to make that leap. At the time, it felt like the right choice. I've been in and out of the game, as I call it, for a while now, and what better way to firmly get back in than to go back to school? This time would be different. I was undiagnosed while I was in college, but now that I know I'm autistic, I would be able to navigate school better and hopefully get some kind of accommodations. But above all, I could go to school in the place I love the most, and in doing so, build a community in my industry IN that city, which is where I want to end up anyway. I submitted my application on New Year's Eve, along with a killer personal statement (if I do say so myself), and a few days after that, they invited me to audition.

This is where it all goes downhill.

As I sat in the orientation, listening to the two instructors drone on and on, something didn't feel right. When I tell you these people were pretentious, I mean they probably thought their shit tasted like ice cream. I have never in my life encountered someone who took themselves more seriously. It would have been funny if it wasn't so somber. They reminded me so much of the instructors I had in college. They were not at all the kinds of people I wanted to work with.

I will also add I had a very unpleasant interaction with the worse professor of the two. Essentially, I asked a question, and he spoke down to me and basically told me I shouldn't be applying to grad school. His response was condescending, nasty, and frankly, ableist, especially considering he should have known I was autistic if he had actually read my application.

I wish I could say I came up with some witty response on the fly, but I did not. I was so stunned that he would speak that way to someone just asking a question, let alone a prospective student. But in that moment, I realized that, no, this didn't feel right. It wasn't the answer I thought it was.

Then I bombed the audition. I mean I BOMBED. I was too nervous and upset, and I took some bad advice right before my slot (which you should never, ever do). But you know what? I was okay with it. I walked out of that room already knowing I would receive a rejection letter, and I didn't care. Those people disgusted me, and I loathed the idea of being stuck with them for three years.

Still, there was an itch. I knew I was on the right track, even if grad school (or at least, THAT grad school) was not the answer. And as I sat in that room and listened to these two pompous academics jerk each other off for an hour, I realized what it was.

I don't need a "reason" to move to LA. I can just do it.

Yes, it would be harder (much, much harder) to start from scratch out there, as opposed to moving there for a project or to go to school. But so what? I'll hopefully be able to transfer at my job, I'll look for gigs as a PA, and I'll keep going on auditions. Besides, it's not like I don't know ANYONE out there. I have a few contacts, so I'm not actually starting completely from scratch. Still, it will be a challenge to say the least. But I have to try. I have to.

So far, I have only received support, encouragement, and positive feedback from the people in my life. From day one, everyone I know has told me they believe in me, and that belief seems never to have wavered, despite the fact that it's been over 10 years and I still have nothing to show for it. (Well, not nothing, but very, very little.)

When I shared my plans with her, my best friend "Diana" said to me, "Sophie, your miracle is coming. If it was going to happen in New York, it would have happened by now. But I think you're going to find it out there, I really do."

One of my friends of 16 years just yesterday told me, "I have always thought you will make it, and I haven't changed my mind."

And my boyfriend, "Thomas?" He told me under no uncertain terms that he will come with me. "You're the only thing I'm sure about, Sophie." That's a direct quote. I'm so lucky to have someone like him as a partner. He's never even been to LA! We're going in a few months, so hopefully he loves it too.

These are just some of the responses I've gotten. There hasn't been a single person I've shared this choice with who has discouraged me. Not a one. And I just feel like that has to mean something, if so many people believe in me. It's helping me to believe in myself again.

So...I'm moving. Our lease is up at the end of August, so we still have plenty of time. But also, that's really not a lot of time! It's nerve-wracking, but it feels right. Like I said, I have to try. I figure I'll give it three years, and if it doesn't work out, I'll come back to New York with my tail between my legs. But man oh man I hope it doesn't come to that. And honestly, even if my Big Dreams don't come true...I think I'd stay out there. I genuinely just really love Los Angeles. I'm certain that I would want to live there no matter what my career was. There's just something magical about it. (Note: I'm posting this after my weekend trip, and I legit started crying on my way to drop off the rental car, so there you go.)

Of course I'll miss my family and friends terribly. That will be the hardest part, without a doubt. But we'll all find time to visit each other, and talk on the phone as much as possible. Besides, I won't be totally alone. I'll have Thomas by my side, taking the ride with me.

I'm beyond excited for this next chapter in my life. It feels like I'm finally aligning with the path I was meant to take. Whatever happens, at least I can say I took the leap.

[compassionatereminders]

Can I ask how you accepted not being able to work/go to school? I'm gonna have to drop out of high school soon because my chronic illnesses just make it impossible for me to do much more than lay in bed all day and I feel so much like I failed. Everyone else in my family is going to go to college (some of them are starting this year and one's been in for a few years) and all of them already are so accomplished but I barely scraped by in school for several years and didn't attend any classes most days. They tried letting me work from home but I still don't have the energy for it and I just feel so much like I've failed. I want to be like everyone else and not stuck at home all day. I wanna feel like I contribute to the world, you know? Right now I just feel like a waste of space.

It's been ten years since I dropped out of the education system for good, so I've had a long time to work on accepting that I can't live a normal life. It definitely wasn't an easy process and I still struggle to find peace with it, but what helped me through it was a combination of: 1. Surrounding myself with genuinely supportive loved ones who believe that I am doing everything I can. 2. Finding value and purpose in the things I can still do. It probably sounds silly, but this blog is probably one big reason why I've made peace with my lack of achievements because it allows me to contribute in some capacity and make other people's lives a little more joyful. 3. Building compassion for myself through being compassionste towards others. If I wouldn't judge another person for being in this kind of situation - and I wouldn't - then that means I'm also worthy of that consideration. It takes time to internalize, but it has helped me to continually remind myself that I am not ACTUALLY the only human exception to basic compassion.

[subliminalbo]

Up to Captured, there's an obvious line that crosses through all of these stories. Obedience by Fleur introduces Fleur-de-lis and its eponymous mind controlling underwear, Lacey's Story follows a young college student trapped under the influence of that underwear, and Captured focuses on an entire sorority that is brainwashed by it. Before this series, the story was Obedience by Fleur. But I didn't want to write about underwear that mind controls people forever. That's why in Interrogation, I backtrack from the set up of The Tip. In a way, it's like a soft reboot, and in that sense it shows how I'm never totally happy with how these stories come out. I'm constantly finding something to change.

The sort-of-clunky series of events that I came up with was this: Madison somewhat covertly introduces brainwashing to the Alphas through this new hazing ritual for freshman that involves making them wear Obedience by Fleur during rushing. Initially, the ritual plays out like a "slave for a day" plotline in a sitcom. The pledges mindlessly attend to work around the house, do odd jobs at parties, etc. But seeing the house full of mindless freshmen is a genuine thrill for Madison, and she slowly manipulates her upperclassman sisters into wearing the lingerie as well.

Madison isn't totally satisfied with the limitations of Obedience by Fleur, so she searches for a more permanent solution. She finds this in a VR simulation program which...? To be honest, I'm not one hundred percent on how exactly this program works. The way its written, the program simulates a custom experience that plays upon a sub's inherent desires to most effectively brainwash them. In short, no one has the same experience under Madison's headset.

The thing is that this idea is kind of stupid. VR doesn't work that way, you see. Making sense of Madison's process has been one of the more difficult puzzles to solve for the Alphas rewrite. With the number of years between Captured and today, I've learned a lot more about Madison and what she's capable of. There's just something very fraudulent about this iteration of Madison. She's supposed to be this powerful mistress of manipulation, but she relies on gadgets that she didn't design to subdue her victims. Thankfully, I have found a solution to this problem, but I haven't debuted that yet. You'll just have to read the Alphas rewrite when it continues in 2027.

Some other thoughts:

I don't like Piper's voice in this chapter. I think it's an issue of not knowing the character well enough when I wrote it, but I don't see her throwing "bitch" around and saying stuff like "your party sucks balls," even in this situation.

I can't believe that this story has been available on the internet for nearly eight years and nobody told me that I wrote "turd" instead of "turf." Come on guys, I can't be expected to actually read this shit.

This is the start of my induction era, when I really began putting thought into what happens to a character when they are brainwashed. I still think the dog show dream sequence is one of the more creative setups I've thought of. As always, though, I could have gone way harder into the sex. It's all very matter of fact in these earlier stories. I'll write that "she licked her pussy," but I'm really frightened to describe things like the textures or the flavors or how it feels or how the body responds. This chapter would benefit from all of that because this experience is supposed to be so overwhelming for Piper that it literally breaks her mind, and I don't think I do a very good job selling that point here.

The closing makes it sound like Madison is about to go straight for Corbin, but the actual story meanders for a few more chapters. My biggest regret of Captured is framing it through Corbin's eyes. The good shit is happening in the Alphas house while our point of view is stuck with Corbin as she reacts to things. Watching a character react to events is like bad writing 101. This is the big reason why I decided to add Piper's perspective in the rewrite.

Captured #2: Interrogation

Originally published Jan 16, 2017 This series is being revised

"Your party sucks balls, by the way," Piper said as Madison's sorority slaves tightened the ropes that bound her to the chair. She winced as the rope pulled against her skin. Piper had proven to be a handful for Madison's young pledges, using the old tight muscles trick to escape from her first bondage. I'd like to say that she picked that up from me, but I'm pretty sure she got it from old Hardy Boys books. Anyway, Piper had even managed to knock one of Madison's girls silly before she was tackled to the floor. Now they were tying her up good, guaranteeing that she couldn't escape. All Piper had left now was sass.

"Now, Piper," Madison pouted. She stood there over Piper, her hands resting authoritatively on her hips. "You know that my parties are always the talk of campus. Just because you're never invited doesn't mean you have to go and hurt my feelings." "Fuck you, bitch," Piper shot back. "You're playing Drake and the theme is the roaring twenties, you could at least try to commit." The party still raging on downstairs. The shrill voices of dozens of young, drunk coeds rattled the floorboards beneath Piper's feet.

"Honey," Madison knelt down to look her captive in the eyes. Piper shivered as she felt the touch of Madison's cold hands against her bare legs. "I know you didn't come here on your own. Work with me and I'll let you leave here tonight with nothing more than a hangover. You'll wake up tomorrow afternoon, in your bed, and you'll think, 'What happened last night?' Of course you'll blame it on drinking. You won't even have to know that you helped me. You can go on with your life having never met Madison Wells. So, Piper honey, again I'm going to ask you: who sent you?"

"I'm not telling you a goddamn thing," Piper growled. It only made Madison's smile grow wider. "I'll be honest with you, honey. I was hoping you'd say that," Madison rose to her feet. "See, I'm not a mean person. My offer was genuine. I'd have just wiped everything you remembered about tonight from that pretty head of yours and sent you on your way. But you're cute. And you've got a killer body. So now I'm going to take everything. I'll make you want me," Piper tried to lean away as Madison moved closer, hovering over her lap, but she could only manage to move her head a couple inches to the left and the right. "I'll make you desire to be a part of me. And in that need you'll find the will..." Madison was so close to Piper now that the captive woman could feel Madison's warm breath against her lips. Now Madison lowered her voice to a sultry whisper as she said, "to obey my every word."

And that was when Piper spit in Madison's face.

"Bitch!" one of the pledges screamed, pulling the chair back and dropping Piper hard on the floor. Piper's cry was drowned out by Madison's laughter. "That's alright, Daisy," she wiped her face. "Mistress, she..." Daisy tired to protest, but Madison held out a silencing hand. "She's feisty," Madison said. "All the more reason we need her. She'll be a natural Alpha." "Bitch," Piper gasped through the pain."

"Get her up," Madison motioned toward the two pledges on rope duty, and the brainwashed girls quickly lifted the chair upright. "Sister," Madison's favorite slave Tina was rummaging through Piper's clothes on the bed behind them. She sat there with an eager smile, holding up Piper's cellphone. "I found this in her pants," she reported. "Interesting," Madison smiled back at Tina. Then she turned to the others and said one word: "Sock." Before leaving Piper's field of vision and approaching Tina at the bed.

"Sock?" Piper asked, her hair flipping side-to-side as she shook her head, trying to get anything of the girls behind her from her peripheral vision. No luck. "What does that mean, sock? What's going on?"

Daisy stepped out in front of Piper, clenching a balled-up tube sock in her hand, a dark red blotch just under her eye from Piper's fist. Daisy was eager to shut this sassy bitch up for her mistress. "No! No!" Piper screamed, but she couldn't do much but wiggle her body as Daisy jammed in the sock into her mouth. Piper's muffled screams didn't make it past the bedroom door.

"You really should lock your phone, honey," Madison said, wandering back in front of Piper. She was casually flipping through Piper's contacts. It didn't matter anymore how much she could bottle up, how long she held out. Madison was holding Piper's life in her hand. "Oh?" Madison looked up with a curious bend in her eyebrows. "Corbin Arroyo, she's a quite a name, isn't she?" Piper responded with muted screams, struggling against her restraints. "You must be her little errand girl, right?" She looked up at Daisy and said, "Get the headset," then turned her attention back to Piper. "I keep the freshmen under my control with the lingerie, it's part of their initiation. But that's only reliable if they're wearing it, so I found something a little more permanant."

This wasn't just about an initiation. While the other girls thought it was all just innocent college hazing, Madison had been systematically brainwashing them all. Now she had the entire sorority under her control. Piper screamed as Daisy lowered the VR headset over her eyes. The last thing she heard before the headphones were placed over her ears was the promise from Madison, "You can fight all you want, honey, but soon you'll find your will melting away. Forget about Corbin, you belong to me now."

Everything went black. The sound from the party faded away.

welcome, slave

When Piper opened her eyes, she found herself standing in the middle of a stadium before a quiet crowd. Looking down she saw her naked body. A collar around her neck. Attached to the collar was a leash, and holding that leash was an older woman in a sparkling gown. The woman held out her hand, and she said, "Kneel," Piper replied, "Yes mistress," and dropped to her knees. This wasn't right, she knew that it was all part of the virtual world, and she hoped that gave her an advantage in withstanding its brainwashing. She sat there on the hard turd of the stadium floor, her arms locked at her sides, the crowd watching in silence as another woman approached her handler. This one had an official look. A navy blue bllazer and all-business skirt to match. Her raven hair was tied up in a bun. She shared a couple of words with Piper's handler and then stepped forward.

"Obey," the woman said, lifting her skirt to reveal her bare pussy. "Feast." "I obey," Piper said. The crowd roared to life as she grabbed a handful of the woman's blazer and dove head first into her wanting pussy.!

The omniscient voices of the commentators spoke in her head. "Look at her technique, Jeff. Watch as she readjusts her hands to cup the judge's ass, that gives her better leverage with her tongue." "That's right, Mike," The other judge said. "This is an exceptionally well-trained pet." The judge's head reeled back as she came and Jeff continued to praise Piper's effort, "That's the fastest orgasm that we've seen a slave deliver tonight."

A flood of pleasure shocked Piper as she reacted to the audience's support and the approval from the commetators. The judge looked down, her bright green eyes piercing through Piper's psyche, and she said, "This is what it feels like to obey."

She could only manage to squeak out a muffled "No..." in the real world where Daisy was on her knees, exploring Piper's sex with her tongue. Supplementing the subliminal assaults from the VR headset with real life pleasure. Piper knew she couldn't win this battle. Another noise tried to break through Piper's gag, but this time it didn't sound like any word. She shuddered and Madison smiled.

"That's okay, Daisy, you can stop now," Madison said, standing up from the bed where she was watching. Daisy spoke the obligatory, "Yes sister," and she gave room for her mistress to take the place in front of Piper. Behind the headset were the clear, unfocused eyes of Piper. The sock gag came next, soggy from Piper's saliva. Her mouth fell open as Madison pulled the gag free. "Hello Piper, dear."

Piper looked up at her enemy with an uncharacteristically tranquil expression. And then she smiled. "Hello, Mistress Madison."

Madison ordered the girls to remove Piper's binds and when she was free, Piper stood in line with the three other slaves in the room. "I see you've calmed down, Piper," Madison smiled. "I like you better this way." "Thank you, Mistress," she replied. "Your friend Corbin would make a fine addition to my sorority, don't you think?" "Corbin..." Piper closed her eyes, trying to remember what Corbin meant to her. After her second of hesitiation she opened them again and said, "I must recruit Corbin..." "It looks like you need a little more training," Madison frowned. "Oh well. We'll get you your underwear just to be safe, then when you're all conditioned, you'll obey me even without it!" "Please, Mistress...I need to obey...I need to obey your every word..." "You will, dear. You will. And when I'm done with that, we'll get to work on making you an Alpha."

[halleymacleod666]

Guys. Genuinely. Enough is enough. Seriously. I'm destroying myself. I've been binging and overeating for 5 days now. Today i stuffed my face with sugar and chips for an hour. I feel horrible, physically, so close to throwing up, my resting heart rate went over 100bpm. This is not okay, this is actually harming my physical health. Something has to change, this has to stop, not even funny anymore, I'm actually scared I'll get a heart attack or something, I already have really bad circulation and I can see that all this food, especially junk food, is making it worse.

I gotta learn to control myself, I felt like I was dying for a while there. I have to change, I've hit rock bottom. The procrastination and the "I'll do it tomorrow" might of been funny before and "just a part of my personality" but it's fucking not funny anymore. It's sad and pathetic, I'm going nowhere, if I continue doing what I'm doing in 10 years I'll either stay at the same menial job or I'll find another (probably worse) menial job. A year ago I dropped out of college and I promised I'd make something of myself, in that year (exactly a year now) I did absolutely nothing. Nothing. Do you know how much it's possible to do in a year yet I did fucking nothing. I can't believe how quickly time passed, soon it will be another year and another and I will still be in the same fucking place, fucking stuck like everyone else in a god damn rat race.

God I can't believe what I let myself become. I promised myself I'd never work a menial job, yet here I am for a fucking year, 365 days, I did not move an inch.

Something has to change. I can't keep starting tomorrow or next week or next month or next year. Tomorrow is not gonna be my day. Next week isn't gonna be my week. Next month isn't gonna be my month. Next year isn't gonna be my year. Not if I don't do something about it right now, today. Right now is all I have, there is no tomorrow it doesn't exist, it's just today, today is all that exists, this moment right here right now decides my future. If I can't accept that then my life is pretty much over already.

[hannie-dul-set]

saturday came rolling by quicker than you'd expected.

standing near the entrance of the rather expensive restaurant (you swore that even the plants by the door are worth more than everything you were wearing combined) you opened your phone, double checking to make sure you were at the right place that jaehyun's mother messaged you.

admittedly, it was a bit weird that you were hanging our with your new friend's mother whithout the knowledge of that said friend, but even if you wanted to back out, you couldn't because it would be rude to do so.

you returned your phone back into your white sling bag after confirming that this was indeed the place and made your way into the entrance, the restaurant's guard opening the door for you.

the moment you stepped in, you started to feel a bit self conscious. you were only wearing a simple navy blue wrap dress underneath a cream cardigan and a pair of sandals to match— deeming you absolutely out of place inside the fancy interior of the establishment.

to the eyes of the occupants of the restaurant, you probably looked like a lost puppy considering your attire and the fact that you had no idea where the hell mrs. jung was.

"miss, can i help you?"

your search was interrupted by one of the waiters, you assumed.

"oh, um, i'm looking for mrs. jung..?"

were you supposed to say that? at that point you didn't even care— you just wanted this whole lunch thing over and done with.

"ah, then you must be y/n l/n, correct?" you were slightly confused, but you nodded anyway.

"follow me, miss."

and so you did, carefully treading along the restaurant floor. you were afraid if you even breathe in the wrong direction, you'd end up breaking one of the many expensive decorations littered all around the place.

the waiter lead you to a secluded part of the restaurant. sunlight was beaming into the large arch windows that were adorning the walls and there were only three tables set up, all of which were unoccupied save for the one at the very end.

as you moved further inside, the two people that were sitting at the last table had noticed you and the waiter walking in. their heads turned towards your direction and you stopped in your tracks.

one of them was mrs. jung, obviously, but the other one you weren't quite expecting.

"miss y/n?"

"jaehyun?"

amidst your shock, the waiter had already left, leaving the three of you alone. your eyes were frozen stuck on jaehyun dozens of question marks floating around his head.

you were confused, but then you remembered that this was her son, of course he'd be here. but couldn't she at least have told you?

"y/n, dear, it's good that you've finally joined us! i was worried that you wouldn't come."

jaehyun was the first to snap back into reality. he diverted his attention from you to his mother.

"mother," you couldn't pinpoint the exact emotion he was carrying in his voice. "care to explain why miss y/n is here?"

"i invited her, of course," mrs. jung seemed to be completely unbothered by not so pleasant demeanor that her son was baring.

"sorry, i can just leave if you'd like," the atmosphere was unbearably uncomfortable and you'd much rather just leave if you could. you gave them a small bow before turning your heels, hand clutching your bag as you were about to leave.

"no, it's alright—" the screeching of a chair was heard and you felt a hand grab onto your arm, preventing you from moving forward. you turned around and you were met with a rather frantic looking jaehyun. "you can stay."

eyes wide from the sudden close proximity, your gaze moved back and forth from jaehyun's very very close face to his hand that was holding onto you— you could feel the heat slowly rising to your cheeks.

jaehyun must've noticed the situation that you two were in and he let go of you hurriedly, a coughing out a small sorry in the process. from the corner of your eye you could see his mother looking at the both of you with an amusement in her face. mostly because of his son's absolutely uncharacteristic behavior but you weren't aware of that.

"i apologize if my words sounded rude," jaehyun started, finally managing to get himself back together. "it wasn't my intention to send you away— i was just surprised to see you again."

"no it's okay," you gave him a smile of assurance and he visibly relaxed.

you nearly forgot that his mother was actually here (not to mention she was the one who invited you) until you heard her speak up.

"maybe i'm the one who should be leaving?" she teased, jaehyun giving her a disapproving look.

"you're staying. i believe you still have some explaining to do, mother."

much to your surprise, lunch went a lot better that you'd expected, especially taking into account the prior events that took place. mrs. jung eventually told jaehyun everything— the fact that she contacted you last time as well as her reasonings. jaehyun wasn't really upset that his mother was trying to set you two up, he was absolutely flustered to the highest point— cheeks flaring and avoiding eye contact from you as much as possible, you couldn't help but laugh at him, furthering his embarrassment.

"i apologize for my mother's behavior," he tells you (although, his eyes were looking everywhere else except for you).

the evident unease that was present earlier was replaced with comfortable air to which you were surprised, but nevertheless you were thankful. the conversation went on until the topic eventually landed on you.

"y/n," jaehyun's mom started, taking a sip from her peach-colored drink before continuing. "i realized i never got to ask your age."

"ah, i'm turning twenty-one this year," you replied, earning a hum from the older woman.

jaehyun places down his fork, diverting his attention towards you instead. "you must be in school then. do you mind me asking what your major is?"

"oh, no i'm not, actually,"

you continued to eat your food (you asked jaehyun what it was called but it your ears failed to understand the rich language) while the two of your companions promptly stopped, expecting you to continue. the sudden attention directed on you was a bit discomforting, so you placed your utensils down and wiped your lips with the napkin available.

"i can't really afford college so i'm still trying to save."

"what about your parents?" jaehyun asked, concern lacing his voice. "shouldn't they be the one's supporting you?"

"they sort of abandoned me after i graduated high school," you reply, staring at the untouched drink in front of you. "so i had to do things on my own from there."

you didn't really have a problem talking about your situation— you'd always been one to believe that all things happen for a reason, so you don't hold anything against your parents. you were never one to dwell on things; you'd rather choose to just keep on moving forward no matter how many setbacks you encounter. but of course, even though you had moved, emotions from the past sometimes resurface.

"i'm so sorry to hear that, sweetie," mrs. jung tried to sympathize with you. "i hope you're not too uncomfortable talking about this."

"no, it's okay, i've moved on," you pressed your lips together into a smile. "and although i'm not exactly in the best place financially, i'm pretty happy with my life right now. the experiences i've gathered and all of the wonderful people i've met— i'm very thankful for all of that."

after your mini speech, you looked over to jaehyun, who was looking at you with an expression that you weren't able to pinpoint.

"you really are an amazing person, miss y/n."

the words that left jaehyun's lips left you stunned, unable to think of a response. he might've said this to you through chat but this time he was looking at you— looking at you so so intently that you lost your entire train of thought.

"oh— um, thanks," you managed to sputter out before going back to your food.

"you know, dear, i'd be more than willing to help you with your financial situation right now," jaehyun's mother says and you politely decline.

"no, no, it's okay! i've saved up quite a bit already, and on top of my many part time jobs, my art has been doing pretty well recently," you explain. "i don't think it would be right for me to take money from you."

mrs. jung thinks momentarily before speaking up. "art? are you an artist, y/n?"

"i remember her mentioning it to me at one point," jaehyun joins in the conversation.

"well... i'm not exactly well known but i do a bit of freelance work here and there," you meekly mumbled. "i also do commissions."

until now, you couldn't tell what exactly was going on in jaehyun's head, but mrs. jung seems to be elated from your words.

"that sounds wonderful, dear!" jaehyun's mother beamed. "if you aren't too busy, i'd like to commission you, as well."

"really?"

you perked up from hearing her suggestion. you still had a few paintings lined up to be finished, but you'd be a fool to pass up on this opportunity.

"i still have some things to work on," you began. "but if you could wait until those are finished, then i see no problem!"

"there's no rush, dear! work on it as you see fit— we can discuss the details privately in a later time."

"alright, thank you so much, mrs. jung! i'll be sure not to disappoint you."

the day went on and the lunch you spent with the two jung's was over. after bidding then goodbye and thanking them for the nice meal, jaehyun had insistently offered to drive you home, but you politely declined, saying that you can just take the bus instead.

sitting on one of the benches at the bus stop, you pulled out your ear buds, deciding to listen to music as you waited. today wasn't as bad as you expected. jungwoo and haechan were wrong about mrs. jung— she may be a bit excessive and a bit too evasive regarding her son's affairs, she seemed like a genuine and sweet lady, none the less.

amidst your thoughts, you felt someone sitting beside you so you instinctively scooted away. you heard a cough from the said person, so you looked over to them. surprised, you pulled your ear buds away.

"jaehyun?"

"miss y/n," he looked at you. "i would like to formally apologize for my mother's behavior— she tends to cross boundaries without meaning to, i hope you don't take anything against her."

to be honest, you never expected jaehyun to run after you. it appears that the tables have turned seeing that he looks extremely out of place in his expensive looking coat inside the vicinity of the run-down bus stop. jaehyun still looked a bit embarrassed talking about it seeing that his face was painted a light dust of pink, causing a mirthful laugh to bubble in your throat.

"it's okay," you smiled at him in assurance. "i was definitely caught off guard, but i can see that your mother doesn't have any ill intentions."

jaehyun let out a sigh, visibly easing up upon your response.

"thank you for understanding," he gave a you smile and you were taken aback— jung jaehyun smiled at you for the first time that day and holy shit he has dimples.

before you can conjure up a response, the bus came into view and you stood up in haste, moving closer into the street. as the vehicle neared, you looked behind to see that jaehyun was now on his feet but he was yet to leave. the both of you made eye contact and you grinned at him.

"i'll be going now, jaehyun. thank you for today!"

his expression mirrored yours, hands snugly tucked into the pockets of his coat.

"likewise, miss y/n."

you curtly nodded before finally entering the bus. as you sat down, you looked outside the window only to see jaehyun still in the same position as before but he had his phone in his hand, fingers tapping away at the screen. he noticed you looking at him, giving you a small wave before walking away.

your phone buzzed from inside your back and you quickly took it out. a laugh escaped your lips and a wide smile blossomed into your face.

gold painted canvas

the classic rich boy and poor girl love story but with less prejudice and more happiness

13 // safe ride home

a/n: written part!! :D pls enjoy hehet <3

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[jumoonjae]

Feelings

Pairings: Reader x Hyunjae x Q

Genre: Angst x Fluff

Warnings: None

Summary: A story of a love triangle (not really)

Having a guy as your best friend can really be tricky sometimes because when you're both single, you spent almost every time together and you somehow unconsciously developing feeling for him. It get worst when you enrolled to the same college right after high school. It was okay at the first two or three semester, you had each other by your side through thick and thin, knowing more every little thing about each other just like the back of your hand which resulting you to fell harder for him. Your biggest mistake was you were sure he'll never slip off from your finger.

But he did.

And you let him.

You felt the painful prick inside in every flesh of your heart just by the sight of his beautiful glimmering eyes every single time she walks by. You swallowed the pain that is in the form of a thorn and pretend you're not affected by it at all, and you thanked heaven for blessing you with the art of hiding your true feeling for him. You even encourage him to make a move on her just to make you facade more believable.

What a fool.

Because it was the only way for you to keep him as your best friend at least, just to keep him close to you even if he doesn't like you the way you like him. But how wrong you are.

He made a move to talk to her and she seems to be interested too. But then again who doesn't, Changmin is one of the most talented and charming person in the campus, everyone loves him even the lecturer. In no time, they were together, they were lover and you had to watch every single day he hold her like the way you always crave for, the affection, the looks and the kiss. But you smiled anyway, each time you met his eyes, or hers. She became your friend too, you couldn't hate her at all.

“I’m fine.” You lied one day when he hesitated to run straight to her or stay with you by the time she came into the view at the cafeteria.

“Go ahead spend time with your girlfriend.” You said nudging him with a smile.

“I’ll call you tonight.” He ruffles your hair with an apologetic frown which you shake your head to and he run to her while she waved at you so innocently and you waved back with the sincerest smile you could pull even when your heart dropped down to your stomach leaving it's place painfully empty.

He didn't call that night. Or texted. The frequent chatting and long conversation between you two started to die down until he barely contact you anymore. You missed him, but there's nothing you could do to have him back. There is nothing you can do.

Each day he spend his free time with her and barely had any time with you anymore. but you didn't want him to feel bad so you started to hang out with other people even if its never the same like when you're with him, it will never be the same. but you need to accept the fact that you couldn't keep him for yourself anymore, you want him to be happy even if its not with you, even if his happiness breaks your heart.

You need to let go because all those late night conversation that you both been sharing, all his problems that you can't fix for him, all his inner battle that never seems to settled. You think maybe she could help to put it to ease because you know you can't. if you could, you wouldn't have heard the same ranting every night. So you keep your distance with him just so you wont break his relationship, so you wont take away their happiness.

“That’s nice.” You heard someone spoke from your back as you done putting up the pictures you took as told by your mentor at the bulletin board where all the art student displayed their work. You look back and saw a tall guy admiring your work and you step back a little to stand next doing the same thing. It was the picture you took at the Han river during your night walk alone.

“Is this yours?” he asked pointing to the picture glancing at you then back to it.

“yeah.” You answered simply, looking at the still picture of the city lights taken by the bridge with blurry passer by.

“It feels so lonely, but peaceful at the same time.” He spoke and you smiled looking down, it was true what he said, you felt so lonely but is somehow made you feel calm that you thought maybe letting him go was the right thing. He's never been yours from the start.

“I'm Hyunjae by the way.” He held out his hand and you look up to his face which had the sweetest smile on that made you smile back and took his hand.

“I’m Y/N.”

Hyunjae took no time to be your friend, he was easy to talk to and you love his company. Slowly, you manage to bury your feeling for Changmin deeper day by day and Hyunjae did so much to replace him. Somehow he did it, he didn't have anything in common with Changmin but you like the challenge of knowing him anyway, it was always new thing every day, a pleasant surprise.

“Y/N.” Hyunjae chirped startling you in the process and he laugh at the way you flustered making you hit his shoulder lightly.

“What are you doing?” He asked taking a seat next to you at the cafeteria.

“Nothing, just editing these.” You pull the side of your laptop a little to show him your work and he lean over to take a closer look.

“You really are a talented photographer.” He complimented making you pushed his shoulder bashfully.

“hey i was wondering.” He leaned back to his seat pondering with his words, looking down to his hands while you paid full attention to him.

“I've got ticket for next week music festival.”

“Really? I didn't manage to get mine though, they've sold out weeks ago.” You frowned

“I got two ticket you know. So.. maybe.. you want to come with me?” you laughed at the way he adorably dragging his words and he grinned sheepishly.

“I’d love to.” You smiled and he did too staring into your eyes for a while before looking away bashfully. He had completely filled the void and help you put back you heart into its place, ready to love again. But you wait. You wait for it to heal perfectly so you can love Hyunjae with all of it without having Changmin ever crossing your mind anymore.

“You’re going with who?” 

Changmin voice raised a little when you told him you're going to the music festival with Hyunjae. Its been a while since you both get to spend time with each other, you were finally feeling genuinely fine by it now that you have Hyunjae by your side. Its already the music festival week and Changmin probably didn’t want you to feel left out so he ask you to come along with his girlfriend. But when you said you already have a date, he was a little mad making you wondering, giving the sparks of feeling for him that you buried deep down a light. A dim light, but enough for it to slowly crawling back to the surface, but you ignore it.

“Why?” You asked, still walking a step ahead from him to the cafeteria.

“Since when do you became close with him?”

“Just recently, wait. It think its been two months.” You shrugged and he exhaled.

“Do you like him?” He asked suddenly making you stop on your track stepping a little to the side before turning back to look at him questioningly. You were actually asking him mentally ‘Are you jealous?’ but another word came out instead.

“He's a nice guy and what's wrong with that?”

“Be honest, you hang out with him just because i started dating aren't you?” you were taken aback a little by his words. It was true at first, you were hanging out with Hyunjae so you didn't feel empty anymore. But when time passed, he's been growing so much in you and you're started to fall for him. 

“What? No Ji Changmin, as far as I could remember I have the right to date anyone I want my friend.”

“What?” He raised his voice again and you hissed at him playfully rolling your eyes.

“Hey.” You heard Hyunjae from the back snaking his hands around your waist pulling you close to him until your back touches his front and you look up to him instantly with a big smile.

“Hey you.” You coos ignoring Changmin who was crossing his arms on his chest in annoyance by the sight of Hyunjae hands casually touch you.

“I’ll pick you up tonight at eight okay.” He smiled sweetly making the butterflies inside you to rise full with pride.

“Alright I see you tonight.” You touch his shoulder trailing your hand down to his chest as he peck your cheek before letting him run to his friends. You look back to Changmin who was raising his eyebrow.

“What?” you chuckle continue walking to the cafeteria.

“I don't like him.” He stated

“that’s not nice Changmin, you barely know the guy.”

“its just been two month and he already being touchy with you and you let him kiss you.”

“It just a peck Changmin. Stop being over protective.” You shake your head trying to laugh him off.

“And besides, two month is enough even for us to sleep together.” You shrugged making his eyes widen in pure shock at your words.

“You what?!”

“I was just kidding you idiot.”

It has been full three month since Hyunjae first talked to you and you decided to confess to him. Your feeling for him was crystal clear and you had no doubt about his feeling for you. He had untie the tight knot that was constantly pulled every time you saw Changmin with his girlfriend until you felt nothing but happy for them. 

In those three months, Changmin had slowly fades from you even when he was right in front of you or when they were standing in the same room, the first who catches you attention was no longer Changmin, it was Hyunjae. You were lying if the feeling for him had completely gone, but your feeling for Hyunjae were much more prominent and you were happy

“Are you going to the trip to see the cherry blossom?” Hyunjae asked when you both were having lunch at your usual spot at the cafeteria.

“I think so.” You answered still checking the picture you took leaving your food untouched.

“Yah, enough with the camera.” He whined attempting to take the camera away from your hand but you saw what he was going to do and turn your back on him with a giggle.

“Wait, I need to delete some picture first or else I’m going to forget which one to delete.” You reason out stopping him from taking it away.

“let me see then.” He leaned his chin on your shoulder and you showed it to him one by one.

“No don’t delete that, its beautiful.” He pointed out at the picture of the blurry crowd you took while you both was walking down the Itaewon streets and you looked to your side until your lips almost brushed his cheek, but he backed away just enough to give you space to turn your body.

“Its kind a blurry don't you think?” You showed a few picture with the same scenery until your head bumped into each other when you lean in trying to show him and you both laughed. his hand caressed the spot where his head had bumped.

“You always took a blurry picture and its nice, its your style, or signature.” He said while patting your head and you smile at him, thanking him for his sweet words.

“You want to go with me?” He asked again since you didn’t answer him yet, and you chuckle looking up to him, he was smiling like an angel waiting for you to answer.

“Who else am i going with.” You smiled and he smile back giddily crushing you with his bear hug.

“But why did you sounds like i am the only option? What about your friends?” he asked pulling his body away for a little with a frown.

“If you want me to go with them, then i’ll go with them.” You shrugged making him whined.

“no. I was just asking.” He pulled you back to his hug and you giggled ruffling his hair.

“I’m planning to take my mom’s car so we wont have to rush the bus and trains.” He let you go, pulling your food closer to you gesturing you to start eating and you complied by placing your camera on the table.

“What? Its going to more exciting taking trains and bus with other students don’t you think?” you suggested, imagining you taking picture of people having fun in the train.

“Hadong is a huge place, the last bus going to leave at six. You think its enough time? Besides i want to watch the stars from there, they said the sky is the prettiest there during the night.”

“We can spend the night there and catch the bus next morning.” You suggested making him stop mixing his rice looking at you all flustered.

“What?” you teased bumping your shoulder into his.

“If you okay with it then why not.” He scratch the back of his head nervously and a big smile creep on your face just by the sight of his giddiness. You turn back to your food and ate in silence with him doing the same. He really had been growing so much in you.

Far back from the corner of the cafeteria, there stood Changmin witnessing everything that tug something painful inside of him. He shake the feeling away and walked to the opposite side of your spot sitting with his back facing you and Hyunjae trying so hard to ignore the growing pain inside of him.

The long ride to Hadong was fun just like you imagined, all the students starts singing out of no where using anything as an instrument and you had a good laugh when some of then cracking the most stupid joke. You took some picture here and there and the result came out well. You and Hyunjae took extra clothes just as planned to spend the night and you really excited to see the whole thing.

It was beautiful, the place was filled with pink cherry blossom blooming beautifully and the way the flower flew when the wind blow just like a snow. Cherry blossom snow. It really felt like a movie with you standing under a cherry blossom tree with Hyunjae holding your waist while you taking picture. He will rest his chin on your shoulder everytime you show the result to him. If you had to describe how your feeling for Hyunjae, you will call it a blooming cheery blossoms. 

“watch your step, there’s plenty of rocks and pebbles along the way.” He said handing you your twisted potato after helping you settles on the bench not far from where you both were standing.

You both walked until the end of the cherry blossom path where you saw a river and there's a kayak booth which you pull Hyunjae sleeves running a little in excitement, wanting to give it a try with Hyunjae giggling while being dragged by you.

But a voice stopped you from running, it was a familiar voice. You look back to see Changmin and his girlfriend rushing to both of you.

“What in the hell are you doing?” he huffed annoyingly at you not even sparing any look to your boyfriend and you were offended by the way he spoke.

“What does that supposed to mean?”

“you missed the bus.”

“And you're not?” You spat back annoyingly taking a step forward, your eyebrow twitched and he scoffed at your response thickening the tension between both of you.

He was beginning to get into your nerve since you started to date Hyunjae. 

“We were there at the bus but he insisted waiting for both of you.” His girlfriend explained and you couldn't help to feel bad for her.

“We were planning to stay the night.” Hyunjae stepped forward pulling you back closer to him and you noticed the frown on Changmin's face when he did that. Was that jealousy? Had he figured that he had feelings for you too? But Hyunjae's grip on your arm pulled you out from that thoughts and you look back to him pressing your lips into a thin line, forming a smile.

“We will take the first bus tomorrow morning.” You said to Changmin's girlfriend trying to assure her by rubbing her arm and she nod with a smile.

“Okay where are you going to crash for tonight?” changmin spat with his annoying tone that really got into your nerve.

“I’ve booked a place for us, but i'm sure they have more place.”

“We should stick together.”

“Fine.”

For the first time in your life, you feel annoyed by Changmin's presence where he constantly interfere any attempted affection that you and Hyunjae trying to make while he trying to show off his own with his girlfriend which end up annoying her too.

“We should stop by the store first.” Hyunjae suggested and you nod while waiting for the bus to the motel.

“I'm tired, can we just go straight to the motel.” Changmin whined and you rolled your eyes shooting him an annoyed look and he just shrugged.

“you two can check in first, they had some place for barbeque at the garden by the hotel and we were planning to have one while watching the stars.” You told his girlfriend and she looked excited.

“So romantic.” she coos and you lean your shoulder to Hyunjae who was smiling at you.

“They said the night sky are the best here.” He throw his hand on your shoulder pulling you closer to him letting you snuggles to his chest.

“You can join us if you want.” he suggested to Changmin and his girlfriend which you shot him a look with a frown.

“What? Its going to be fun and i can get to know your best friend more.” He whispered and you melted at the way how hard he tried to get close to your best friend.

“Thank you.” You caress his hands with your thumb smiling up to him and he smiles back like he always did. 

The night went well, but the conversation was mainly between you and Hyunjae while Changmin and his girlfriend seems to fall into silence only talk when being asked. You stop Hyunjae from trying to get close to Changmin by snuggling with him under the blanket where you brought just for the occasion while watching the stars.

You admired him while he was admiring the scattered stars up in the sky, looking at it like he was in love with it just like you're in love with him.

“Y/N can you walk me to my room for a while?” Changmin snaps you away from the most beautiful view and you sighed. He was tipsy from drinking a little too much and you could tell.

“Its okay, I'll clean this up and meet you at the room right after.” Hyunjae said helping you getting up and you nod letting him peck your forehead before leading Changmin into the building.

“Are you going to sleep with him?” Changmin asked suddenly after you both were inside the building.

“Yes.” You answered in a heartbeat even if you don't know whether Hyunjae is having the same idea with you, but you admit it anyway just so Changmin will stop bothering you.

“If i told you not to would you listen to me?” he stop walking making you stop turning your body fully to face him.

“Why?”

“Because I love you.” He said, petrifying you with his words, it was the word you had been waiting for years, a words that you always pray for so he will uttered it to you one day. a word that you’ve been dying to hear. 

But that was before, that was you dream before Hyunjae and you were glad that it doesn't affect you like the way you thought it will be.

“I know you love me too. I know you love me since so long and i'm sorry for pretending that i didn't see it.” He took a few step closer to you but you didn't flinch. There were disappointment, but it doesn’t matter to you anymore. you didn’t care why he didn't do anything about it and keep it to himself. but you were curious.

“Why did you date her if you knew?”

“Because i thought i didn't feel the same way.” You exhaled at his answer looking down not knowing what to say or what to do with that information. But then he lift your chin with his index finger and leaned closer to kiss you.

You let him kiss you not knowing there's a pair of eyes that has been witnessing everything. When you kissed Changmin back, he shut his eyes only to see you smile to the kiss the moment he open his eyes. Couldn’t bear the pain in his chest anymore, he walked away from the scene.

“Changmin we had our chance.” You slowly push his body away from you, pulling yourself away from the dizzying kiss. It put your mind into a great mess, that your mind keeps buzzing like a static radio. but when other thing was blurry and hazy, one thing that stood out so clear, just like the picture you always took. it was your feeling for Hyunjae.

“Y/N please.” He took your hand placing it on his chest.

“You had your chance in all those years to confess but you didn't.” You let go of his hands holding your own.

“I'm not blaming you entirely because its my fault too for being a coward. But we had our chance Changmin, and we blew it.”

“and i'm in love with somebody else.”

“i’m in love with Hyunjae.”

“He saw us kissed.”

“No.”

“He just left.”

“You asshole. It was intentional wasn't it?”

“I just had to.”

“Hyunjae.” You called softly after entering the room that you both shared. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking down to his hands. Nervousness starting to creep inside you by the sight and the silence from him. You stood there by the door looking down at your feet, hands fidgeting with the rim of your dress.

“You should sleep, we need to catch the first bus in the morning.” He said standing up with blanket on his hands walking to the couch just right next to the bed without looking at you. But you didn’t budge, still looking down like a kid getting scolded by their parents for causing a big trouble.

You bit your lips hard when tears starts to brimmed in your eyes. You didn’t even dare to blink, not wanting the tears to fall.

“I’m tired, can you turn off the light please.” He said and you look up to where he already lay down, covering his body using the blanket, his back facing you. You hold your sniffles and do as told leaving the room in pitch black.

“Hyunjae.” Your voice cracked and you swallow hard to make it easier your you to speak.

“I-I am so-”

“I’m tired Y/N. Please, let me rest. Its been a long day.” He cut your words, but not sharp enough. But it still hurts you. It hurts you because you hurt him and you didn’t even know how to explain.

With the help of the lights peeking through the window, you slowly walked to your bag and take your clean clothes and toiletries.

You turn on the shower letting the warm water run down your skin while you stood there looking into spaces not long before you break down, covering your mouth not wanting to be heard by him. It was the longest you ever cried, longer than the day Changmin asked his girlfriend out. It was even longer than when you bid your goodbye to your parents at the airport.

God, how much you love him, and now you’re losing him.

Hyunjae haven't spoke a word to you since the bus ride back to the city and you didn't dare to speak to him either. The ride was awfully silent and you could hear Changmin and his girlfriend giggled from the back seat. You couldn't help to think that they were mocking you both but you know they weren't. You suddenly feels empty without Hyunjae's constantly touching you like he always did when he's being excited over something or just feeling like touching you, or teasing you. He didn't even whined when you too immersed into the picture you took with your camera. You felt emptier than the time Changmin left you.

You didn't blame him for cutting every connection between you two after breaking up with you over a text and let you fall back to the loneliness. You didn't blame Changmin for not even consoling you after he heard the news of your break up with Hyunjae. You blame yourself for being you, you blame yourself for existing, for hurting people who had no other intention but to love you and you deserve the resentment that you get from him. You blame yourself for not figuring out your feelings for Hyunjae and didn't try hard enough to make him stay.

You were back to zero, alone at the cafeteria watching people and love birds walking around then get back to your pictures on your laptop ignoring the painful void inside of your heart.

You bumped into him the day after the break up, you didn't look away when you both walk past each other at the hall, neither did him. But he seems to had those indifferent look as soon as his eyes laid on you and you try hard not to show too much emotion when he's around. But it was hard, because you always saw him even when you’re not looking.

“Y/N, the portfolio that you emailed me. It was perfect. The four season portfolio.” Your mentor spoke when he saw you just about started to pack your things while your other class mate had already left. Its your routine since the break up, so you wont bumping into Hyunjae because your afternoon class always ends at the same time as his.

“It wasn't complete yet Mr Yoon. I was waiting for your feedback for anything that i should fix or re-edit.” You look up to him slinging your bag on your shoulder.

“I’ll send you my feedback later.” He said and you give him a bow. 

“Y/N, I was wondering.” Mr. Yoon voice stopped you from turning on your heels and you look at him. waiting for him to finish his sentence.

“have you been fine these day?” He asked leaning his back on the desk, crossing his arm on his chest.

“Yes. Why do you ask Mr.Yoon?”

“I knew you're running a photography blog for a long time, i have to admit it was wonderful and i even think that some of the photo you posted there should have come in with the portfolio. But you recent photo, they seems lonely.” He stop when you looked down. He must have seen your blog update, but you didn't know that it was obvious. He's your mentor and also one of the psychology professor that taught about behavior, of course he could see it.

“I’m fine Mr.Yoon.” you finally look up to him with a forced smile. “Its just life-” your breath hitched and you swallowed hard trying not to choke on your own words.

“Its just life, those ups and down.” You inhaled looking back down avoiding his gaze.

“Don’t let yourself dwell too long in it Y/N. Its okay to look back sometimes, it hard. Even if our shoes don't fit, we had our own obstacle in life, we have our own way to move on. But i hope you'll cope.” You smile to his words before bowing to him as he bid you goodbye.

You went to Itaewon alone that night taking the path that both of you and Hyunjae had been taking, tracing back all the fond memories that you shared. You even went back to Hadong alone on the weekend doing the same thing you did with him, taking picture of empty spot where it used to be filled by him. It was sad. But you need to cope. Once you had your best friend, then you have Hyunjae. But when they both left, you had nothing. Only their memories. But the most prominent one is Hyunjae's. You want to relive them for the last time before moving on.

Its the hardest every time he saw you smiling and laughing at your friend's joke. He missed that and he still want to be the one who make you laugh. He hate you for being happy right after the break up, did you really moved on that fast? Did you really don't have any feeling for him? Or did you really using him to get back to Changmin?

But there were also time when he saw you sitting alone at the cafeteria, watching people walks by with sad eyes before going back to your laptop or your camera leaving your food untouched and it made his stomach sinks in guilt. The sight take him back to the night where he heard your sniffles echoes inside the bathroom that the sound of the shower couldn’t hide.

You loved someone else and its no point to keep you if your heart is unobtainable from the start.

“Hyung, why did you break up with Y/N?” Juyeon asked when he saw you walk into the cafeteria alone with your hands full with books and headphones on. He didn't want to answer that question. He's been dreading to answer when everyone asked, he's tired of hearing people saying that you both look good together and all.

“We're taking a break.”

Its the only thing he could came up with without humiliating you or him. Its sounds like he was expecting you to come back to him, it was an open answer, it was a message for you maybe one day when you heard what he said regarding your relationship, maybe. Just maybe you change your mind and come back to him.

It was pathetic and he know it, but the romance was short, so short that he wanted more. While he was trying to look away from staring at you, he saw Changmin seated a few table away from where he was and he was expecting Changmin to get up and help you with the pile of books on your hand.

But instead, Changmin didn't even look up from his phone and you didn't even spare him a glance, just walking straight to the far corner of the cafeteria settling your stuff on the table, sitting down and played with your phone without looking around.

“Hyung?” Juyeon snaps him away from staring at you and stammered at the younger guy.

“Get back with her if you want to keep looking at her like that.” He stated and Hyunjae just shrugged him off.

‘Weird' he thought, he swears he saw you kissed Changmin back that night. You even smiled to the kiss, but why are you both giving each other a cold shoulder. Why aren't you both together when Changmin said he loves you and he said you love him too. It hurt him when you didn't even denied it, he hate you for kissing him when you were his girlfriend.

He heard your voice in the art studio after helping a random girl who was carrying too much of a canvas for painting she said. He stood there just like the other day when you were talking to your professor.

“Is it true that everybody dies alone?” You asked, you sounded so weak, the light in your eyes faded by each passing day. At first he thought you were still saddened by the way Changmin still with his girlfriend but when he confront Changmin one day.

“We had our chance but I blew it. She's in love with someone else.” -changmin

But that is all what he get from the guy, Changmin still didn't want to talk to him. He started to think that you love him, not Changmin. But he wasn't really sure either, if your relationships mattered to you, you should have talk him out not ignoring him, so he did the same. Ignoring you even how painful it was knowing the truth that you love him.

“Does that scares you?” Kevin asks taking your attention away from the window where you both propped your chin on your palm on one of the table nearest to the window while sitting down watching the sun sets.

“I don't want to be alone.” You whispered under your breath but it was clear, so clear that it hurts Hyunjae at your words.

“You missed him?”

“I do. So much that it hurts.”

“Why didn't you tell him the truth?”

“He saw me kissed Changmin back. If you're at his place would you listen to me when I try to explain?”

“No.”

“I’ve made myself a fool enough by kissing Changmin back.”

“Why did you kiss him back?”

“You know how I feel about him before. It was a dream to kiss him.” you chuckle while Kevin scoffed at your words.

“But the thing is, when i kissed him, i was thinking about Hyunjae as soon as i closed my eyes.” You smiled.

“Its just that, i finally know that love doesn't feel the same way with each person.”

“What do you mean”

“when i was in love with changmin it felt like home every time im with him. Maybe Its because he provides me one when i move back here during high school, he gave me something to rely on when i had no one, or when my brother was too occupied by his baseball. Then Hyunjae came when there’s a hole in my chest, my heart that once there was gone when Changmin left, Hyunjae starts to fill it again, slowly but in a beautiful way. He made me feel alive again. At first i thought it wasn't love because it felt so different from Changmin’s. But i get it now, love doesn't come with one specific shape or sizes.” You sit straight stretching your limbs leaning back to the chair to ease your back.

“Love is an abstract, you can't see it, you can't feel it but you know its there, you know it exist. it changes through times. Its like painting, you put down whenever comes through your mind freely on the canvas, sometimes it look nice and sometimes it doesn't. people might don't understands what we're trying to convey but it doesn't matter, as long as we knew what is it, what it means to us.” You smiled looking down staring at you clasped cold hand before glancing to your friend next to you and he looked disgusted, making you giggled at his expression.

“You are disgustingly in love. Tell him you idiot.” Kevin throw his head back with a grunt and you laugh him off.

“I don't know Kev, I’m just scared. I'm afraid because what I did was wrong. Its wrong kissing someone else just to figure out who do you love. Its pathetic. Stupid.” You exhaled looking back to the dark outside world, wondering what is he doing right now. Who is he with, did he replace you yet, or did he suffers just like how you did. You chuckled to the last thought thinking why would he suffers for the one who treated him just like you did.

“He probably don't like me anymore.” You wanted to say hate, but 'like' probably could hurt less when you said it out loud.

“I never said that.” You and Kevin eyes snaps wide open when you heard another voice instead of both of you echoes from the silence. You know that voice and when you saw Kevin eyes were fixed to someone at your back, you didn't dare to look back.

“Okay imma go.” Kevin took his bag and phone, standing up and was about to leave you, but you manage to get a grip on his wrist.

“Don’t you dare.” You warned but he just smile and wiggled his wrist away from your strong grip and when you let go, he pat your head with an assuring smile.

“This is your chance, don't waste it.” He stroke your hair softly, smiling to Hyunjae with a curt nod before walking to the exit leaving you both in the studio in silence.

“Sorry i didn't mean to eavesdrop.” He said voice coming closer with his footsteps and you still didn't dare to look back. Your body numbed while your heart pounded so hard that you were sure your chest could explode anytime.

“Y/N.” He called softly when he appeared in you peripheral view, kneeling right next to where you were seated, you shut your eyes tight not dare to look at him.

“Sorry I didn't give you any chance to explain.”

“Sorry.” He repeated again but you still too scared to look at him.

“would you please look at me.” You felt his touch on your cold hand and you turn your head slowly, meeting his beautiful gaze. It was different from the past few week where they were cold and uninviting. But right now, his gaze was soft, warm and pleading.

“Hyunjae.” You whispered, holding his hand and he hold yours tighter.

“Can we please start over again?” he said, almost pleading melting you

“Even after what I’ve done?” you tilt your head to the side and he smiles wider bringing his one hand to your cheek, caressing it slowly with his thumb.

“As long as you love me.” He said and if your muscle wasn't strong enough, your heart could probably explode from the happiness.

“I do.” You crashed your body into him so hard that he almost stumbled back but manage to balance his body.

“I love you so much Hyunjae and I'm sorry for being an idiot. You can kiss other girl once and i dont mind.” You pull away, with your hand still rested on his shoulder, kneeling in front of him.

“Why would i want to kiss other girl?” he frowned and you stuttered.

“Just so we can even out or-“ he didn't let you finish by capturing your lips into his own and you kiss him back in a heartbeat feeling his lips moulded perfectly into your own into a long kiss.

“Let me kiss that pretty lips everyday and we're even.” He said after pulling away to catch his breath and rest his forehead on yours and you smiled breathlessly.

"Anything for my amazing boyfriend."

A/N: This was written before ‘Kevin Moon’ and it was meant for Changmin baby but I just cant hurt my Hyunjae, I’m so sorry. Things really had been hard on me lately (mentally) but i’m trying to get back on track (writing). This is not my best work and i am not in the best shape but i hope you enjoyed this one. thank you. 

[kate837]

I Love You

I completely recommend watching 2x14 Borrow or Rob, and the beginning of 2x15 Draw O Cesar Erase a Coward, before reading this fic. While this fic is AU it does have many similarities and minor details that it couldn't hurt to watch the episode first! Anyways enjoy!!!!!

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Kurt had a day.

Not bad. Definitely not good. Just... A day.

A day he'll never forget actually. It was so full of ups and downs. From Shepherd plunging a knife into Sean's heart, to joking with Jane about whether or not he could handle Rich Dotcom. From shooting Rich to... Jane's date. That hurt. When Shepherd shoved a knife through Sean Clarke, Kurt's adrenaline spiked, he felt so alert for so long, he thought he would throw up. He got the same feeling from Jane. Except it was everytime she moved, spoke, brushed a lock of hair behind her ear, etc. Her admission of her date was too much. Kurt went straight home, got a damp rag, and laid down. Staring at the ceiling.

Though he did have to say, it still wasn't the worst part of his day. He felt bad. Witnessing first degree murder should automatically be the worst part of your day.

But when it comes to Rich.....

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Kurt and Rich were sneaking through the secret underground tunnels of Jamison College, in order to get into the Deadalus gathering.

"This is interesting." Rich says, while coming to a stop.

"What?" Kurt replies shortly.

"Well this is the door, but the handle's different."

"Different how, Rich?!"

"Wel- well it's not there anymore?? Probably on account of all the hookers I snuck in it." Rich gestures to the handless door.

"Ok, so what's behind this door?" Kurt inquires, looking around.

"The closet. What are yo-"

"Stand back."

Kurt, with a running start, kicks the door in to find himself deep within the walls of a massive walk in closet.

"Aaaaa just how I remember it."

"SHHHHH!" Kurt puts his ear to the door, the one still on it's hinges, just in time to hear the gasps of attending guests and a soft female voice hushedly asking someone to notify security of the discrepancy.

"Shit."

"What?" Rich asks, genuinely confused.

"The guests are getting security to come check out 'the noise in the closet'."

"Oh. What are we gonna do Stubbles? I'm a sly guy but how do we explain that?"

"Oh God, why do you hate me?" Kurt says looking towards the ceiling.

"What? You're acting strange Stubbles, like weirder than normal. I mea-"

Rich was cut off by Kurt's large hands cupping both sides of his face, to kiss him. Without separating he backs Rich against a near wall, mimicking the earlier noise. Rich squirmed at first but expectedly went along with the unexpected.

"Come on Stubbles, you can at least use some tongue!"

"Shut. Up." Kurt snarls. "Actually. . . I need you to make some. . . noises." Kurt says while blushing furiously.

"Security is on their way." Tasha notifies through comms.

"Yeah you guys better get out of there." Reade warns.

"And say what? Oh hey haven't seen you in a while, please excuse my entering through a closet?!" Rich whisper-yells.

"Everyone shut up!" Kurt also whisper yells. "Now Rich I need you to moan a lot. Loudly."

"You could always make me Stubbles!"

"Rich!"

"Kurt what the hell are you doing?" Reade asks, growing increasingly concerned about his teammate's mental health.

"Rich just do it!"

"OOOOH! STUBBLES, YES!" Rich practically screams.

The party guests turn a side eye. But the security, like Kurt hoped, were turning away, figuring that the noise came from two enthusiastic partygoers. Or if the other patrons were anything like Rich maybe more.

Of course Weller didn't know that yet.

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"Ohhh. Now i get it, I can't believe this is working." Reade says, half laughing at the ridiculous noises coming out of his earpiece. "Hey Kurt it's work-"

"Will you shut up?!" Tasha butts in.

"What are you tal-"

"He doesn't know that they stood down yet." Tasha says wriggling her eyebrows. "Hey Kurt most of the security guards stood down but you still have a couple incoming. . . You might need to amp it up a bit!"

Her and Reade try and fail to stifle their laughter after Rich let's out a completely overexaggerated 'UNGH'!

"Come on Stubbles, they're not buying it, you're gonna have to join me if you wanna get out of here."

"Why me? God why me?" Kurt says again looking up.

Kurt let's out a loud and breathless 'Oh God' that completely undoes all of Tasha and Reade's composure. They are hysterical by now. They completely lost it when Rich and Kurt started harmonizing!

"Stop! Stop!" Tasha said. "I can't take it anymore." She pulls herself up from the floor of the van, where she fell from laughing so hard.

"Yeah guys, the security's gone. They're long gone." Reade adds, clutching his stomach.

"Yeah Rich so goo- wait what?!"

"Yeah you're clear." Tasha clarifies.

"You could have compromised this entire op!" Kurt says furiously.

"We all know that's not why you're mad Stubbles. And as the bible states-"

"I swear to God Rich, if you say another word I will shoot you."

"Another word."

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Kurt flushed red just thinking about it. What was he going to put in his field report?!

He turned to lay on his side to take in the fresh scenery of the wall instead of the ceiling. After laying there for about two minutes, he finally got up to fix himself dinner.

While gathering ingredients, Kurt's mind inevitably wandered back to Jane's date. Everything about it tore at him. What she'd be wearing, what she'd eat, would she cover her tattoos, would she wear makeup. . . . . . . .

His thoughts were interrupted by a phone call.

It was Jane.

A million questions ran through his head. Why is she calling him? Shouldn't she still be out on her date?

He lunged for the phone but then. . . He stilled. Didn't move a muscle. He picked up his phone, turned it over, and resumed gathering ingredients.

Once the phone eventually stopped buzzing, Kurt's inner turmoil came to play.

'Why didn't you answer?! Jane could be in trouble!'

'Be rational Kurt. She's on a date, probably just calling to let you know that she'll complete her paperwork tomorrow, since she's busy.'

'Look, everyone knows you're in love with her, but you can't act like some overprotective boyfriend whenever she's around.'

Kurt shakes his head. He wasn't in love with Jane Doe. Was he?

'Of course you are! That's why you lunged for the phone as soon as you saw her name, but put it down when you realized she was still on a date.'

'No. If I was in love with her, I would have immediately answered.'

'No. You love her so much that you realized that if she's having fun, even with another man, you wouldn't want to ruin that. That's love.'

'What am I supposed to do? I can't love her from afar.'

'This may be selfish but what if I proposed the idea that Oliver is Sandstorm?'

'It could work. But why not just tell her how you feel?'

"Because I'm just not ready yet." Kurt voiced sadly.

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First thing the next morning, Kurt was walking up and down the hallways, over and over again. In order to 'accidentally' bump into Jane on her way to Patterson's lab.

After three consecutive minutes, Jane appeared. She was wearing this loose, pastel green shirt, that roughly covered all of her upper body tattoos as well as bringing out her eyes. She paired it with tight blue jeans, which she almost never wears, and a few silver rings on her right hand.

"Wow." Kurt whispered. What looked like any other outfit, looked stunning on her. He almost forgot to 'bump' into her.

"Jane!"

"Oh, hey!"

"You get Patterson's text yet?"

"Yeah, heading there now."

They walk in silence for a few heartbeats, until they turn into a secluded hallway.

"Jane wait." Kurt says while gently grabbing Jane's arm.

"Kurt, what is it?"

"After you told me last night, about your date. I started thinking. . ."

Jane subconsciously starts to hold her breath. Her expression wreaks of hope.

"Hey! Glad I found you two, Patterson's got something." Tasha pops in.

"Yeah." Kurt says releasing Jane.

Saved by the bell.

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The debrief, while no longer than usual, felt unbearably long. The charged energy from Kurt and Jane's previous conversation still radiated off of them.

While any hope of continuing it was completely shut down by the tattoo clues pointing to three different entities, causing the team to split up completely. Kurt with Roman, Jane with Tasha, and Patterson with Reade.

This was going to be a longgg day.

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The team finally reconvened at about 5pm. They had just finished the field reports. All three of them. It was exhausting.

Fortunately for Kurt his adrenaline spiked right back up about an hour later when Tasha, so graciously, reminded the group that they never filled out the field report for their Deadalus mission. Which caused Reade and Patterson to burst out into a fit of giggles.

"What's so funny?" Jane asked, looking to Kurt, smiling.

Kurt goes wide-eyed. She doesn't know.

This was going to be a long night.

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The team had just finished catching Jane up while writing the 'going to be extremely redacted' field report.

"Wait I'm still confused. If you just wanted Rich to moan, why did you kiss him?"

All eyes look to Kurt.

"We- well I was under the impression that security was going to be charging through the door at any second." He says glaring at the pair of agents who were strategically avoiding his gaze. "And when they did, if they saw us. . . you know-"

"We don't know, Weller!" Patterson howled.

Kurt glared.

"Yeah I kind of want to know how far you were willing to take it Assistant Director!" Reade joined in.

"We're done here." Kurt said as he walked out.

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Jane had just walked out of the locker room to be met head on with Kurt.

"Kurt, hey!" Jane says, surprised.

"Hey."

"Umm. . . I actually wanted to talk to you."

Kurt raises his eyebrows in obvious confusion, cueing Jane to continue.

"When we were. . . Uh you know- outside of P- Patterson's lab. You didn't finish." Jane stumbles through her words as a new wave of nervousness hits her with full force.

"Oh that." Kurt says, grabbing Jane's arm, mirroring his earlier gesture and leading her away from the locker room door.

"Jane, I was up all night and I couldn't stop thinking about it. We need to be careful. Sandstorm feels like it's everywhere."

"You think Oliver is Sandstorm?"

"Yes. . . No." Kurt shakes his head.

"Kurt you're not making any sense." Jane says studying him.

"I know. I know. I just- no I don't think he's Sandstorm."

"Then why did you-"

"I've been trying to come up with reasons of why you shouldn't date him for the better part of 13 hours."

"Kurt wha-"

"And I got nothing, because the only reason is that I love you."

Jane goes wide-eyed. It was as if all the air was sucked out of her.

"I love you Jane."

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[luvdsc]

Hey Cat!! I hope you're doing well as always ! 💖 AHHHH huhu I closed the form last Sunday since I've collected enough responses dy! (NOOOOOOOO ToT) I got a total of 221 responses at the end of the week, which is 3x the amount I initially needed! :o I'm beyond grateful and appreciative ToT I've cleaned the data and have proceeded to run some data analysis, but I ran into an issue whereby the scores on the subscales are equal (it has never been reported in past studies! :O) so I'm waiting for my supervisor's feedback on how to proceed. Hopefully it's nothing too serious ToT

Hehe finance is interesting indeed! I just started reading a book on finance for young adults (Rich Dad Poor Dad) and I look forward to learning more from the author's tips! The Coursera introductory course has also made financial terms a lil more familiar, even though it's just the basics and it's really helped w my financial literacy 🥺 I can push myself to study but it's also the numbers and calculations I'm worried of cuz I am rly a nong (idiot) when it comes to numbers * - * it runs in the genes I guess AHAHAHAHA my mom and sister aren't good at numbers either keke

Aww I'm glad yr professor made financial accounting enjoyable and a fruitful experience for you! Some lecturers / professors rly just have that spark in them to inspire ppl and I'm blessed to be surrounded by a bunch of em in the psych department!🥺😭 it truly makes a difference and I'm sure we both are living proofs of that!

After debating for a while, I've decided not to take a minor mainly because I'm so tired HAHAHAHAHAHA and I'll just do my own self-studying and exploration whilst working! Go out and explore the world, live life! Whilst ironically still staying in my room because of the COVID-19 situation in our country (cases are abt 20+k every day :') ) My proposal has been finalized and it's been accepted! It's just that some elements of my proposal is also part of my actual report, so I have some guidance to refer to in terms of structure! :3 and yes don't worry! I got plenty (sometimes a lil too much) rest during the sem break whilst remaining productive! Plus, I got to catch up w some friends and had game nights (maybe too much of game nights hehe) and movie nights w my friends which was truly refreshing! Also cuz I might not see a lot of them again after we graduate so we gotta cherish every moment 🥺😭

I'm a freelance graphic designer for my uni's newsletter! Occasionally, they'd ask us to create both the content and design! I'll place the link to my recent work below if you wanna check it out! UwU I'm trying to incorporate the same practices during sem break in my last sem (current sem) too! cuz yes mental health is so so important and I'm just tired of being academically tired you get me? :(

What makes me most trilled abt learning abt psychology is how to apply it in daily life too! I find it so fascinating and awestruck at how relatable and within reach these things are like wow we can be influenced in such ways?? :o can be both good and bad but imma stick w seeing it as the development and evolution of us humans UwU

Also, the vaccine has fixed my sleep schedule HEHE (another perk of getting vaccination :3) I got some rly good rest and managed to reset my usual sleeping time, thank you science ToT oooo I see I see, we've had cases of nurses injecting empty syringes hence the recording :( but GHIOGHWEOGIOHW I could never do that, I can feel the liquid entering me as it is so that's good enough ToT (* plays Love Talk * I can feel it coming)

OMG YOUR ART PIECES ARE SO BEAUTIFUL, ADORABLE AND ELEGANT! 💖🥺🥰 it must've required a lot of hard-work and effort AHHH thankiew for showing me yr work!! it's truly unique in its own manner despite it's simplicity UwU is there a reason or backstory to yr chosen theme and objects? :3

I just Googled Somi Somi and omg that's such an UwU ice cream AHHHH 💖🥺😭 ice cream is my fav food of all time and it looks like an ice cream haven omg imagine eating it after a loooong hard day's of work ToT and OMG THE SATISFACTION OF EATING THAI MILK TEA ICE CREAM ON A HOT DAY YASSS 😋🤤 hehe if you get the chance to try milk & biscoff, do try it! It's amazing !😍 and ooo i haven't tried alcoholic ice cream before but I will one day!! :3 my alcohol tolerance is rly low though, will I get tipsy over alcoholic ice cream? We shall see UwU (i can only drink half a bottle of apple cider before my face gets red and I start getting a lil tipsy + headache)

and lovie....knowing yr school schedule now...OURS IS DEFINTELY BRUTAL OMG a 3 month long sem break huhu that's only the total amount of sem breaks we get in a year ToT i thought uni was hard but not that hard ToT

Always glad and honored to have you onboard! and AHAHAHAH the contractions about to start soon 👀 I enjoy talking to you huhu you're such a sweet and supportive person 💖🥺🥰😙 huhu for my period cramps, I've been having them since I was 12 ToT my doctor prescribed me some panadols but sometimes I can't even swallow them cuz I'd puke them out ToT I've settled w heatpacks to reduce my reliance on medicine, but I finally got some upgraded and safe to eat medicine from my gynae! She said it's fine to take it every month to keep my womb healthy and apparently my ms. lil uterus is suffering from inflammation, hence the super crazy bedridden cramps :( the upgraded medicine worked for a while, but after time it kinda didn't help either :/ but I realised that exercise rly does wonders to reduce the cramp too (gynae also recommended exercising) so i take walks and do my back stretches more frequently now! my period in the previous months (2 months ago) have been almost painless and bearable, it's so weird not seeing my bedridden ._. when I was in high school, there would always be a day in every month in which I don't attend classes, and that's solely because of my cramps. It just isn't worth suffering in school, plus we don't have a sick room :/ I hope the pain continues to subside! ToT

And ayy internship is also working experience, yr advice would be of great help to me regardless! 🥺 oh yes, I always remind myself that interviews are similar to the speaking test I took for my Cambridge English exams! That kinda help calm my nerves down a lil, but w nerves comes bigger smiles, so I guess it takes on a rather practical form of coping mechanism (sublimation) AHAHAHAHA

WAAAA WHAT A QUEEN you got an offer from every interview?? I aspire to be like you! 💖🥺🥰 huhu skill wise I believe I have lots to prepare esp in terms of case studies, and I perform rly poorly on certain assessments (*ehem * esp those concerning numbers) so I took the chance to study a lil during sem break too ToT but noted on that! I will work on that too and try to maintain that me element in interviews and overall just be myself keke

That's all from me for now! Imma wait for my supervisor's feedback and journey on w my last semester. Bon voyage! Link to my recent work: https://www.instagram.com/p/CTBqGzjr6sN/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link Other works: https://www.instagram.com/p/CPpv-IyM7Gi/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link https://www.instagram.com/p/CL55EG-MbL2/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

hi hello honey bee !!! 💓 omg i'm so sorry for the belated response, i finally got on my laptop 😭 i'm gonna put my response under the cut since it got a little long 🤧

omg 221 responses !!!!! that's so many 🙀 congratulations aaaaa it's amazing that you were able to get 3x the data you needed !!! was it difficult to run data analysis? were you able to solve the issue with the equal scores on the subscales? i hope it didn't create too much additional work for you ):

omg yes finance is really interesting! i enjoyed the classes i took for it :') how is rich dad poor dad? did you learn a lot from it? i know it was a book my prof recommended, but i never got around to reading it 😶 did you learn any helpful tips? and ooo i'll have to look into coursera! yeah, there's quite a lot of terms for finance, and it can be a little intimidating paired with all the math formulas and such, but it's pretty useful imo! how are your financial studies going so far? 💕 omg nong is such a cute word?? i would never think it meant idiot asdkfhlkajsdf omg my whole family is good at numbers and really like math, but i didn't like it 😭 my mom made me study it a lot everyday though rip are the financial calculations getting easier for you as you practice more hopefully?

yessss omg i absolutely agree with this!!!! like you can just feel when a professor loves to teach and is genuinely so excited to talk about their subject, and it just makes the most boring horrible subject into something you learn to enjoy and hate less :') and i'm really happy to hear you have tons of professors like that in the psych department 🥺💗

that's great to hear!!!! 🌷🌷 i'm glad that you're prioritizing yourself and your health, which is so much more important than taking on a minor. what fun subjects have you decided to explore and self study so far? 💞 oh my gosh, the rising cases are so high?? i hope it's gotten better there for you ): are you able to go outside yet?

big congratulations on your proposal being finalized and accepted, lovebug !!!! 🥳🥳 i'm very proud of you and hoping one day i can read your published studies in a scientific journal :') aaaa i'm so glad to hear that you got to rest and enjoy your time with your friends!! i definitely feel that omg i regret all the times i skipped out on movie nights or game nights with my friends because now we're all scattered across the country and the only way we can have them again is over zoom calls 🤧

I SAW YOUR DESIGNS AND THEY'RE GORGEOUS OMG I LOVE THEM SO MUCH !!!! 💖 I'M IN AWE AAAA IF PSYCH DOESN'T WORK OUT, I HOPE YOU BECOME A GRAPHIC DESIGNER 🤩🤩💖 and yes i totally get it ): i really felt the academic burn out when i was in college and it was really difficult at times 🤧 but i hope it's going better for you nowadays, sweetpea 💝💝

omg yeah i absolutely agree !!!! whenever i read about psychology, i keep it in the back of my mind and then when i see something irl that relates to it, i'm like :O amazing. it's so cool to learn about different psych tricks too and see how it works when you test them out yourself and whatnot. and it's really crazy to see how the human brain is so easily influenced at times ??? it truly is an amazing subject !!!

ah what a great side benefit of the vaccine - a better sleep schedule 🤩 i'm happy to hear that your schedule has been fixed 💘 and omg what ??? they're injecting empty syringes wth ????? 😭 that's absolutely horrible, are they getting sued?? lmaooooo that love talk reference askdfhlaksjd

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR KIND COMPLIMENTS 😭😭💗💗 there were many late hours spent in the art studio to finish them, but i'm really happy with the end products :') i thought light bulbs are an interesting subject to do, and my prof said that cutting out circular objects or sculpting them is the most difficult since they're made up curves and not straight lines and i was like ok bet i'm gonna do it aND I'M SO GLAD I DID BECAUSE I REALLY LIKE THEM 🥺 and i love honey bees !!! that's why i decided to paint them and we were supposed to paint them in a combined style of two artists so i tried monet's impressionist style with the short brush strokes and pop art triptych style like marjorie strider 💕

somi somi is sooo good and i just had it again a couple weeks ago :') omg ice cream is your favorite food? :o and YES ice cream is so satisfying after a long day of hard work, like it's such a nice reward to look forward to at the end of day ✨ aaaaa i have to try thai milk tea ice cream one day now !!!!! it sounds amazing 🤩 and YES i must look for places that sell milk & biscoff ice cream !! i have milk ice cream from somi somi, but i need to try to combined flavors 💘 i don't think you'll get tipsy over it !!! it's a really faint taste of alcohol, like i didn't even notice it at first, and i don't think they put very much of it in there! aksljdfhals omg you're a lightweight :o at least that means you save money on alcohol LOL i need like nine shots to get drunk 🤧

your school is too hard 😭 you need more than just 3 months of break !!! 😡 we get a week off for thanksgiving in fall semester and a week off for spring break in spring semester too and then the month long winter break and three month summer break. and we have the one day holidays off too like labor day, memorial day, etc. i can't believe they give you so little time off after working so hard???

asdfhlkajshdlksja loool are the contractions over yet? has it been born? what's the current status, doctor? 👀 i really enjoy talking to you too !!! i'm very sorry for the late responses, work is really taking over all of my time, and i never have enough time to get on my laptop to reply to my asks 😭 and thank you for saying such kind things about me 🥺🥺💝 oh my gosh, i'm so sorry to hear that you have such terrible cramps 😭 i can't even imagine going through that - mine are nowhere near as horrible 😖 do the heatpads help a lot? i'm relieved to hear that you were prescribed better medication though! but yeah, your body does eventually get used to the medication and you have to continue taking stronger meds for it to work, but that's not a very healthy solution /: but i'm really glad to hear that exercise has been helping out a lot!! 💖 hurray for almost painless and bearable periods 🥳 i'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that in high school ): that sounds absolutely horrible 😭 periods are just awful, but it's like i'm grateful that i have my period because that means i'm not pregnant, but also please go away aslkhdfaklsj

omg what was the speaking test for the cambridge english exams like? :o it sounds so formal and a lil intimidating askdjfhalsd do you know of any psych tricks that can possibly help calm your nerves? :')

aaaa yes i did !! i was really surprised that i got an offer from them all because at the time, i was not in the right major and i think i was one of the most underqualified applicants 🤧 one person who interviewed me asked why i withdrew from my engr physics class and i explained it in a kinda funny way but in my head, i was like "oof i'm not gonna get this offer anymore" but then he laughed at my response and told me about how his prof told him he should drop a guitar class he was taking because he was doing very poorly and we bonded over that aklsjdhfkals omg how do interviews for psych jobs go? do you have to discuss a lot of case studies? do they give you a list of possible case studies they'll ask about? :o what sort of assessments do you have to do? good luck on all of your interviews, honey bee 💛 i'm rooting for you, you're gonna do amazing !!!! 💘

omg what did your supervisor say about your case study? and how is your last semester going? are you almost done now? 🌸 (also how have you been? what have you been up to? thank you for taking the time to leave such detailed messages for me, i'm really excited to see all the fun updates in your life, lovebug 🌷🌷)

[jjungkooksthighs]

k so! I've been re reading COC constantly because? it's a masterpiece? and I can't wait to see where the story goes? and the way you write is immaculate? and I'm high key excited for the next chapter? anyway... I am binge reading it (along tease by adonis koo) (yours and hers are my all time favorites) (I'm rambling sorry) and apparently I'm so stupid that for a moment I really thought werewolves were actually a thing? I was talking to my dad about covid and I started questioning him if werewolves could get sick? and he looked at me weirdly and yeahh, then I realized that no, just because you write it so wonderfully it doesn't they are real... low-key sad about that, the world would have been a bit more interesting with them. ANywAy have a good day and don't overwork yourself because we love you and we want you to stay healthy😤🥺

Your all time favorite... 🥺 I am so honored, oh my god. Adonis-koo is such a wonderful writer and I don’t even know if I’m worthy of being named next to such talent, but if I told you that reading that didn’t have me smiling like an idiot, then I would be lying to you. You reread my work as well? I can’t 🥺 you’re so sweet omg. I will be honest and say that writing that fic makes me very self-critical now because I have gotten comments in the past that made me question if I should continue it in the negativity they were born by, but your words are so kind and they genuinely lift at my spirits, lovely. I appreciate that so much. Also, you thought werewolves were real???? THAT IS SO CUTE. 

I will definitely say that when I was younger, I too believed that they were real along with vampires and ghouls and all the fantastical creatures you could think of. It is ironic that I was so fascinated in them then because my life pursuit has been guided by the aim to discover and learn more about them in literature through my goal to become a college professor specializing in mythic fiction, which is the genre that all these mythological creatures originate from. 

I know quite a bit about myths and folklore from my extensive reading as the bibliophile that I am, so I too was interested in the fact that werewolves get sick in terms of the fevers they can get when they go through ruts, heats, pre-heats and pre-ruts. In the abo dynamic, there is much one can learn through the tropes and rules that guide it, but it is definitely one that gets the curiosity whirring in the mind in its delicate intricacy. 

I’m sorry it took me so long to get to your ask, my love. I wanted to give you a long and thoughtful response just like you so kindly gave to me. I hope you can forgive me.