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itsstrange · 10 days ago

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Pool Of Lube

Fandom: The Boys, Karl Urban Stans

Relationship: Karl Urban x Reader

A/N: Something That Has Been Dusting In My Notes and That Is Going To Be Part of Random Adventures. Something Funny & Cute! I Hope Ya’ll Will Enjoy These! 💚

Summary: Just Another Adventure That The Reader Has While Working On The Set of The Boys.

Word Count: 4.9k

Warnings: (No) Fluff, Cute, Humor, Funny, Injuries, Reader and Their Adventures, Slightly Injured Reader, Supportive Karl, Slight Mention of Blood, Missing Tooth..

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ENJOY! 💚

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<< Previous Adventure

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“I’m gonna fall into a pool of what?”

“Pool of lube. You’ll also be doing a fight scene,”

Your eyes dart from Eric to the writers, then back at Eric, “I’m gonna fight.. in a pool.. of lube?”

“Yeah,” The man nods with a dangerous, overexcited, wide smile,

You couldn’t do anything other than stare at him with a grim look. You were clearly regretting in even considering joining the team, you definitely now regretted accepting Eric’s offer to being a part of The Boys. Yet, deep down you knew you didn’t mean it.

“You’ve got issues Kripke,” Is all you say before sighing in defeat. Picking up your script you rise from your chair to leave the room,

Eric only chuckles as he yells out after you, “See you Thursday!”

That was Tuesday morning. It was barely 6:50 am— not even 7:00 am when you had to meet up with him and the writers in the office to discuss minor changes to your schedule for the week, but little did you know you’d only be getting awaiting trauma.

Now coming Thursday, here you were on set observing the hand-built mansion. You currently stood in what seemed to be the living room section of the set with house lights flashing around the room, smog being blown on the floor to make it look more like a house party, because that’s what it was. The scene you were currently about to shoot was taking place in a mansion where a party was being thrown by a couple of Supes, which is where your character and the rest of the gang come in. The Boys were looking for a certain Supe to interrogate to give them more information about another Supe who supposedly had confidential evidence against Homelander, however, in order to find said Supe, your character and the rest of The Boys had to crash the party.

The scene was semi similar to Herogasm, only difference was it was less nudity and more action packed, which eventually results into a full blown brawl inside the home and also results in you fighting in said a pool of lube.

“Fucking Kripke,” You whisper to yourself as you see team members pouring gallon after gallon of lube inside a medium-ish size pool,

You’ve done pretty crazy stuff for other shows, movies, even music videos at some point, but nothing will ever, ever compare to the wild shit you’ve done while working on The Boys. Ever. This show has definitely gave you some trauma and nightmares from what the things you’ve done, (joking of course) but it’s definitely something you still haven’t gotten use to, despite working on the show since the beginning of season two and having done wild shit since then.. Kripke always manages to rethink your life choices when it comes to being apart of the show. (Joking once again. Kinda… not really).

As you stood a few feet away from the set being prepped, you watched as team members continued to pour gallons of lube inside the pool, then switched your gaze to other team members fixing other parts of the set or just adding a couple more things on the floor. You were practically ready to shoot. You had your costume on for the shot, you just had to wait till the set was ready and for Kripke to find the angles he wanted to shoot. So as you stood waiting, mind constantly wondering why you haven’t quit you hear footsteps walking towards you. Then a familiar voice.

“So what exactly are you shooting today?” You hear Jensen’s voice, a little confused but also teasing at the same time,

Looking over your shoulder you catch his eyes for second before your gaze almost immediately locks onto familiar hazel orbs. He walked alongside the Texan. Both men had their own costumes on, looking handsome as ever, but it was him that remained swooning you by just his goddamn smile, charisma, humor, love.

Both men walk towards you, but it was him who kept his eyes on you with a wide smirk on his face. You couldn’t help the heat that rises on your cheeks, causing you to roll your eyes at him with a shake of your head, smile forming on your face when the son of a gun doesn’t even try.

“Hell Ackles. Pure utter hell,” You comment, smile still on your lips but feeling it widen when you feel him next to you, then his hand settling on your lower back,

Turning to your left you lock eyes with him once again. His irises casting a beautiful green shadow with a splash of brown in them. The smirk was still displayed on his lips.

“Okay guys! Here’s the plan!” Kripke announces with a clap of his hands, breaking the small moment, “We’re gonna shoot the fight scenes first, grab a few angles from different sections of the set, and little bit of dialogue, then straight to the lubricant,”

The man excitedly explains. A bright light flashing in his eyes as he goes over the plans for the day. A look only a kid would get when walking into their favorite toy store. You won’t lie, you were rather excited to shoot today. You always enjoyed filming with the gang, especially fight scenes considering your character was a Supe and not only because you got to do a lot of action scenes but also because you were an adrenaline junkie. You craved and sought for action. You’re always looking forward to filming whenever it came to action scenes or single shots of you “flying” or landing on the ground. You just loved it.

However, despite your love for filming adrenaline moments, you were in fact not looking forward to the later scenes. The scene where you’ll be covered in slimy, slippery, cold lubricant. Which, you’d like to point out, you had to fight in said lubricant. How would that look? You weren’t sure and you didn’t want to know.

“Any questions? Comments? Concerns?” Eric questions with wide, excited eye balls,

You stare at him with a deadpan look, then look over his shoulder when you see team members with more gallons of lube. You were beginning to grow worried because… like what the fuck was he planning on doing with the remainder of those gallons?! Making it rain?!

Oh fuck. He probably is.

“Yeah..,” You begin, pointing a lazy finger behind his shoulder, “Is.. all that really necessary Eric?”

Everyone looks in the direction you were pointing. Noticing how people kept stacking gallons of lube on the side of the set. Earning a worried yet amusement agreement from Jensen, but a soft chuckle from him.

“It really is actually. Since we’ll have the air conditioner on practically all day today it’ll dry everything up, so we’ll be pouring more in between scenes to keep it nice and fresh,” Eric says with a smile then finishes with, “Plus, I cut a deal with Durex,”

You stare at him with a slight, worried, weary, wary, disgusted look. Yet, before you can comment on the monstrous gallons of lube again, someone is calling the man from across set. So with another quick run-through of the plan and making sure everyone is on board, he quickly jogs to a crew member where they immediately dive into conversation. Who are most likely talking about getting everyone ready to start filming.

“Well.. despite the trauma you’ll experience today. It really is great seeing Kripke expand his imagination,” You hear Jensen comment, knowing a proud smile is displayed on his face,

You scoff with a shake of your head, “Think he’s expanding it too much these days,”

Your comment earns a chuckle from both men this time. But feel the way he gives your hip a comforting squeeze before feeling him pull you closer to his side. Getting a whiff of his delightful cologne.

“Whoa, who and what is being expanded?” You hear another familiar voice settle on your right, turning you meet eyes with Jack’s blue orbs, smirk playing on his face,

“Kripke and his traumatic imaginations,” You say, wrapping your own arm around his waste,

Jack hums with an agreement nod, “Oh yeah they’re wild. But you gotta admit, their pretty fucking awesome,”

You hear Jensen give a short chuckle as you turn to Jack with a deadpan look, “Weren’t you complaining just last week for that.. tentacle shoot?”

A smirk tugs on your lips when the man’s face glaze’s over with a traumatic look. To this day you’re not even sure how any of you have lasted this long with the show, you were certain one of you would eventually pull back from the show to take a much, very much needed ‘mental break.’ Okay okay.. you’re being dramatic and probably should never be the one to welcome or warn new actors onto the show otherwise they’d be scared to even step foot on set. But you are being serious about the wild shit you’ve done and encountered while working on the show, definitely the most interesting things you’ve got to experience over the years.

“Yes. Yes I did. And I am so glad that it’s over,” Jack responds with a relieved laugh, earning a sincere chuckle from you,

That tentacle scene will forever be… explicit. And you know it’ll haunt Jack for the rest of his life. It would horrendously suck if the team decides not to add it to the show, because Jack spent hours. Hours shooting that scene. And you know for a fact if they don’t add it, Jack would very much stomp his way to the editing room and add it himself. He did not spent hours being traumatized by a very very large alien-like tentacle slithering across his body for it to not be added to the show. Absolutely not, he would not have that.

After another few minutes of standing to the side of the set and communicating with each other, two makeup artists had called out letting each one of you they’d like to do last minute touches before filming began. As Jensen and Quaid walked over to them, you glanced towards the set once again before letting out a heavy sigh as you glare at the gallons of lubes stacked up in the far corner of the set. Why lube? Out of all things? It just had to be lube?

“Don’t get too excited love, otherwise Kripke will continue with his diabolical shenanigans,” You hear his deep Kiwi accent fill your ears, then feeling the way his strong arms hug your waist from behind,

Instinctively, you lean back against his firm chest. Your hands sliding along his forearm before letting your fingers interlock with his.

You scoff as your eyes continue staring at the crew members making last minute touches to the set, “That’s the problem with Kripke though! Whether you’re excited or not.. he still does shit like this!”

Karl’s deep chuckle vibrates in your ear. Feeling the way his chest slightly moves against your back.

“Looks like it should be an easy one then aye? Walk in the park,” Your head turns to look him in his beautiful eyes, a smirk displayed on his face as he sees your own eyes widen,

“That’s another problem! I won’t be able to walk! Let alone fight in it!” You exclaim while waving your hand towards the set, specifically where crew members were now adding props around the lubricated pool,

Karl chuckles once again. He’s enjoying this moment way too much.

“Well, at least it’ll be a smooth one to shoot. You’ll slide your way through filming today,” Karl jokes again, causing you to lightly punch him on his shoulder as a chuckle slips from you,

“Shut up you’re not helping,” You say in between faint giggles, but the moment you go to move away from him, his hand slides down your arm until it clasps around your wrist,

He gently tugs on it, pulling you back to his chest. His wide, proud smirk still displayed on his face as he wraps an arm around your waist once again while the other goes to place a loose strand of hair behind your ear. A faint chuckle slips through his nose at your small pout, so, he decides to kiss it away. Gently, he latches his lips with yours. Two, small long pecks to your lips has you instantly melting into him.

Your arms instinctively wrap around his neck as you savor his loving kisses.

“Better?” Karl asks after a moment, his brow raised and a faint smile on his face,

You purse your lips as you hum, almost as if you’re thinking. Your fingers gently play with his dark locks at the base of his neck, “Mmmm.. no not really,”

Karl’s smile widens at your response, but doesn’t resist when you tug him back to your lips. His own hands that were settled around your hips tighten their hold as he pulls you closer to his chest, his lips molding beautifully with yours. Just slow, tender kisses being poured from each other. Despite Karl not being a fan of pda, he’ll gladly kiss away your frustrations. Public or not. He’d do it.

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“We need more lube!”

“I’m drying up here!”

“Kripke I swear if I break a finger from this!”

“Oh my god!”

“Oh shit! Sorry I splashed some on the camera..”

“I need lube,”

“Hang on.. I’ve got lube up my nose,”

“This is absolutely ridiculous,”

“More Lube!”

“Oh my god I almost fell!”

“Jesus! This shit is so impossible to walk on!”

“Am I the first person to fight in a pool of lube?”

“No,”

“Oh,”

The back and forth chaotic comments you’d share was all you can hear throughout filming on set. You were sure most of them would be added to the gag reel, if anything everything you said would be added without it being edited and cut. Yet, despite the monstrosity and traumatic moments of filming, you were genuinely having fun. Yes, the scene was beyond chaotic, but it was also incredibly hilarious. Laughter was constantly being filled on set as you or the stunt woman—Shay— that you’re currently working with would often slip or nearly slip from the goddamn lube.

Or, one of you would try and land a choreographed punched but only either ended falling straight down to your ass or would send flying lube to your eyes or to the camera lens. It was definitely the most messiest shooting you’ve ever done.

Besides the fake blood moments you’d have to endure while working on The Boys, you’d definitely say this is the messiest shooting you’ve done in your life.

Like now for instance, a crew member was currently pouring a gallon of lube over your head. Kripke had wanted one more final shot of you tackling Shay out of the pool and onto the ground, so he wanted the lube to look fresh on both of you as he grabbed the shot.

You honestly stop counting after the third gallon of lube, but you were sure of yourself that you’ve lot have used nearly 40 to 50 gallons already. The empty ones tossed and stacked inside a large container prove to you that the usage of lube had surpassed the limit of 20 gallons.

What scared you was, just behind the set laid more gallons, waiting to be used.

“We good?” You mumble when you don’t feel anything being poured on your head. Your head faced downward as your eyes were closed shut to prevent any of its lubricant contents to irritate your eyes,

“Not quite. I ran out. Gimme a sec, I’ll be back,” You hear Larry say before slightly hearing him walk away,

A soft sigh escapes from you as you stay put. Not like you had anywhere else to go, or could go without falling straight to your already sore bottom. So, you just stood there. Head low, eyes still closed, arms slightly raised and parted away from you as if you aren’t already covered from head to toe with lube. Every other second you’d spit on the ground when you feel its lubricant touching your lips. You just knew you looked ridiculous standing the way you were standing. Awkward and slicked with lube while still in the pool.

Despite your current situation, throughout filming you weren’t the only one laughing. Behind the cameras where the rest of the cast sat watching through the monitors, which would include; Karl, Jensen, Jack, Laz, Tomer and Karen, you can hear them laughing and cracking jokes as they watched with too much amusement. You had even caught Jensen and Jack snapping a picture or two at your state. You had threaten to hurl a glob of lube towards them if they kept it up, you didn’t of course, you were too busy focusing on not eating shit. But you did make a mental note on getting back at them one way or another.

“Well well well, don’t you look like a newborn baby lamb,” The familiar accent of Billy Butcher rings beautifully in your ears. A small smile tugs on your lips as you turn in the direction of his voice,

You hoped you turned the right way.

“Ha ha very funny,” You sarcastically respond, but the smile forming on your lips lets him know it wasn’t sincere,

Karl chuckles as he stands a few feet away from you. His hands tucked in the pockets of his jeans as he watches your disgruntled look. Lubricated or not, you still managed to look beautiful to him. He was hands down mad for you.

“I can’t see a damn thing,” You mumble as you try wiping away the lube from your closed eyelids but feel how you only add more slick,

Chuckling softly once more, Karl carefully steps closer towards you. His boots taking cautious steps against the slicked floor that surrounded you. Once near, he reaches a hand, his thumb gently and carefully wiping away the lubricant from your eyes. He had to wipe a few times, but eventually your breath taking orbs slowly blink open. They immediately lock with his hazel ones, and oh my god were they just astonishing. The light hovering slightly above illuminated his dark navy Hawaiian shirt, blending it perfectly with his beautiful irises.

“How’s that?” He questions, a small smirk framing his lips,

You let out a tired sigh. Your shoulders slightly slumping. But a smile still manages to tug on your own lips, indicating you were grateful for his little affection.

“I’d hug you right now but..,” You let your words hang in the air as you glance down at your soaked frame. Earning a soft chuckle from the Kiwi,

“Yeah..wouldn’t want that love,”

Another exhausted sigh slips from you, “Am I nearly done? I’m cold and I wanna shower already,”

Karl snorts at your small pout. His thumb once again wiping away a small streak of lube sliding down your temple.

“I’ll talk to Kripke in calling it for the day,” Karl states as he glances around set, his eyes darting from one crew member to the other before letting them settle back on your frame,

He noticed how you were glaring at him with a playful expression in your eyes. He furrows his brows at you while shoving his hands back in his pockets, but it was then he fully understood for your current playful glare. Larry was back and carefully pouring more lube over your head and frame. A soft snort escapes from Karl as he watches the crew member drench you once again, noticing the smirk on the Larry’s face as he continues doing his job, he was lucky you weren’t facing him other wise he’d definitely be the one covered in lube. Somehow.

“I’m expecting something special and or expensive from you after all of this is done,” You say out loud, an eye closing shut when you feel liquid sliding down your eyelid,

Karl chuckles once again, his hazel eyes igniting with pure admiration, brightness and love as he continues staring at you.

“Guess I should start brainstorming then aye?”

“Sounds like a smart idea,” You mutter before spitting once again when liquid touches your lips,

With that, Karl shakes his head with a deep chuckle before carefully walking away when Kripke calls out on set that he’s ready to start shooting. As Kripke angled the cameras, made last final touches on some props and asked Larry to pour another gallon of lube over you and Shay, everyone was ready to shoot. You let out a heavy exhale as you share a look with Shay that resulted in you both chuckling before positioning yourselves for the take.

It was supposed to be a simple shot. Just you tackling Shay out of the pool and onto the ground, the effects team would later edit the scene to make it look more extra, but for now, your human self had to somehow tackle a grown woman out of a slippery pool without ruining the take.

So, angling yourself in a certain way and gripping onto Shay’s arms, you were confident enough that you’d be able to land it first try.

You were in fact wrong.

The moment Kripke’s voice echos on set and yells action, both you and Shay wrestle for a few seconds before you go to tackle her out of the pool. However, the padding underneath your boots was too slippery, the moment Shay lands on the ground just as planned, you too feel yourself slipping and falling forwards. What comes next was something you hadn’t expected, a sudden jolt of pain washes over your right side of your jaw. The moment you had slipped and launched forward, you didn’t realize just how close Shay was until your jaw had connected perfectly with her knee. Stars erupted in your vision for a hot second as pain radiated through your face, cutting through the jollity of the moment.

“Oh my god! (Y/n) are you okay?” Shay hurriedly asked as she reached out for you,

You had slowly maneuvered yourself to lay on the ground, your back against the cold, slicked floor awhile you clutch onto your sore jaw. You hear Kripke yell cut somewhere on set then the sound of hurried footsteps against the ground. Your eyes were squeezed shut as you make a noise in the back of your throat, letting Shay know that you were okay despite the agony pain traveling up your jaw.

“(Y/n)!?”

“Mmm.. I’m okay,” You softly murmur through the pain as you slowly rise to your knees,

As you sit on your knees, hands holding you upwards you begin to taste heavy copper in your mouth. Fucking great. Anything else!?

“Alright let’s— let’s take a break. 15 minutes, everyone,” You hear Kripke speak just as you feel strong hands slowly and carefully pulling you up on your feet,

Once upright, your eyes turn to the person helping you up, only to meet with Karl’s worried hazel orbs. His eyes desperately scan your face, searching for any signs of harm. However, his worried scowl quickly washes away and is replaced by a wide smile when you send him a smile of your own. Your teeth coated in blood is all he can see, earning a soft chuckle from him.

“Fuckin’ hell love. C��mon let’s get you cleaned up,” Karl says in between chuckles as he carefully guides you both away from set,

You slightly wince when the pain on your jaw slightly intensifies causing you touch your jaw once again, however, just as your fingers make contact with your cheek your blood slightly freezes in your veins when you feel something fall on your tongue. With furrow brows you place the palm of your hand in front of your mouth before spitting onto it, coating your hand with blood. Your eyes grow wide as you continue to stare down at your bloody palm.

You didn’t notice you had made it to where the rest of the cast sat around with their own worried faces, nor didn’t you notice the way Karl had stopped walking when you suddenly halted your steps.

“Oh my god! Is that your-“ The sound of Jack’s voice wildly announcing in the small space has you lifting your eyes,

A disbelieving laugh escapes from you as you let your other free hand reach for the tooth on your palm. You raise your hand in front of you, a wide, bloody smile on your face as you display the loose tooth held between your index and thumb.

“Oh that’s just gross,” Laz is the first to comment with a shake of his head before averting his eyes back to his phone,

“Jesus (Y/n).. how hard did you fall?” Jensen questions as he carefully examines your bloody tooth,

Another chuckle falls from your lips as you look over at Karl who simply shook his head. His fingers running through his dark hair, yet, you didn’t miss the way the corners of his lips lift upwards. His hazel eyes land on yours, a heavy sigh falling from his mouth while you only send him a giggle before making your way to a mirror on set. Once standing in front of one, you open your mouth to try and see where exactly the tooth belonged.

With the little light hanging above you and the blood coating your entire mouth, you managed to see a gap just at the end of your lower jaw. It was a molar that had been knocked out.

Another giggle slips from you as you continue scanning the inside of your mouth. Of course this would happen to you and only you.

“Lose anymore?” Karl asks behind you,

Slightly moving to the side, your eyes meet his through the mirror, seeing the way his mouth was curved into a small smirk but can still see the worry lingering in his eyes.

“I don’t think so. Just the one. I hope,” You mumble the last part as you grab the paper towels that he hands you before once again spitting into its rough texture,

You grimace at the dark red liquid coating the white towel before folding it and wiping away any other blood around your mouth. He then extends an uncapped water bottle to you, which you take with a small smile. Untwisting it and taking a sip, you swish the water in your mouth for a few seconds before going to spit it out, however, an amused look settles on Karl’s face as he watches you look around. Your cheeks inflated due to the water in your mouth, earning a soft chuckle from the Kiwi.

After of what seemed like seconds in trying to find the perfect spot to spit out the bloody water, you glance up at Karl, who only stares at you in silence. A brow rising as a soft chuckle fans past his lips.

“Bloody hell woman,” He mumbles beneath his breath along with a shake of his head as he turns to walk to his chair,

Seconds later he returns to you with his now empty paper coffee cup. Your inflated cheeks stretch into a smile as best as they can as you accept the cup. You spit inside the cup before rinsing your mouth again, you do it a few times until you feel the blood has limited and you’re able to talk without having blood oozing out of your mouth.

“How are you (Y/n)? Heard you loosened a tooth,” Kripke questions. His eyes scanning your features until they land on your palm, where your molar rested, causing guilt to settle on his chest,

You shrug a shoulder with a smile. This time your teeth fresh and clean from blood, “I’ve had worse, I’ll be okay,”

Kripke looks at you, then to Karl, then back to you. A small smile tugging on his lips, he’s always admired your determination, both on and off screen.

“Good to know. We’ll be calling it for today,” Kripke claims,

“You sure? It feel like I messed up the shot,”

Kripke was quick to shake his head, his smile still on his lips, “It actually came out perfect. Despite you sacrificing a tooth, the shot actually looks great,”

You snort. How ironic, in order to get the perfect shot you just needed to get physically injured to make it look real.

“You’re welcome?” You say with a soft chuckle, earning one from both men as well,

With that, Kripke apologizes one last time for pushing you so hard, which you were quick to wave it away with a sincere smile. Giving you a gentle pat on your arm, Kripke walks away, leaving you alone with Karl once again. Who by the way was already covering your entire soaked frame with a towel, causing a wide smile to form on your face as you clutch the towel tighter on you when a cold shiver runs down your spine from the sudden temperature change.

“So.. what do you think the tooth fairy will put under my pillow tonight?” You ask him with a grin as you both slowly walk out of set,

He scoffs, “A bunch of painkillers and a phone,”

“A phone?” That’s an odd one.

“Yep. Because first thing tomorrow mornin’ yer makin’ an appointment to the dentist love,” Karl tells you before giving you a quick peck to your lips and walking away. A snide smirk spreading on his lips when he knows he just bursted your bubble.

You stop walking and stare dumbfounded at his departing back as reality hits you.

The dentist? Well fucking shit..

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-> Alright Ya’ll, As Promised! Here’s Another Ubran x Reader Fic Meanwhile I Finish The Reacher x Reader!

-> Believe It Or Not, This One Has Been Sitting On My Notes For The Longest Now, So I Hope Ya’ll Enjoyed This One!! 💞✨

-> Also, Yes! This Is Actually Apart of A Series In Case Ya’ll Haven’t Noticed!

-> Anyways! Stay Tuned For More Updates!! Make Sure To Turn On Post Notifications🔔!!

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#the boys x you #the boys x y/n #the boys tv #the boys series #the boys smut #the boys imagine #billy butcher x reader #billy butcher #billy butcher x supereader #billy butcher x y/n #billy butcher x ofc #billy butcher x you #billy butcher smut #karl urban x reader #karl urban x you #karl urban x ofc #karl urban #karl urban smut

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cultofthepigeon · 2 months ago

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"I can't control myself because I don't know how

when they love me for it

honestly I'll be here for awhile"

well it finally happened. finally got an mcr song stuck in my head while playing outlast trials therebye inextricably linking them forever my cycle as a cringe yeye ass goth kid has finally completed

#outlast #outlast trials #blood blood GALLONS OF THE STUFF #I GAVE YOU ALL THAT I COULD GIVE #BUT 👏 IT 👏 WILL 👏 NEVER 👏 BE 👏 ENOUGH👏

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alextheleoandraphsimp · 5 months ago

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Dum turtle shiy on incorrect quote generator

Raph: So you're looking for information on this thing, huh? Well, I feel like it must be from far away. Mikey: What makes you say that? Raph: If it's something even I don't know about, then I'm sure nobody else must have a clue. So it's gotta be from some faraway place. Impeccable reasoning, isn't it? Mikey: Raph… You don't have a clue about this thing, do you? Raph: screams in anger

Donnie: Alright, what pizza toppings should we order? Leo: Anchovies and pineapple. Mikey: I like beets! Raph: Have you guys ever had a cheese-less pizza? Donnie: I’m disowning all of you.

Mikey: Hey, do you know anyone who can teach me to play the trumpet? Leo: Why? Mikey: I want to wander around playing it to annoy Raph. Leo: Technically, you don’t actually need to know how to play the trumpet well for that. Mikey: Leo, you have opened my eyes.

Leo: You know what bothers me? Bats. Why can bats fly? Donnie: Not again! Leo: No. Seriously, who gave them the right? They're mammals! Mammals walk on land, no exceptions. Mikey: Just wait until you hear about whales. Leo: What now?

Mikey: Good news! Donnie: You found where I hid your phone? Mikey: … Donnie: You found your phone?

Leo: Being half asleep and feeling someone gently plant a kiss on your forehead is one of the purest kinds of love in the world. Donnie: Unless you're home alone.

Leo: gets a text Oh! It’s Raph. Donnie, excitedly: Did they get me the stuff? Leo: Yeah, they say they got you the clown costume, the power drill, and 12 gallons of blood. Donnie: Wow! Where’d they find 12 gallons of fake blood? Leo: You wanted fake blood? Donnie: Leo: I’ll go call Raph.

Donnie: Do you know that we are made out of atoms? Donnie: And atoms never touch each other. Donnie: So in my defense, officer. I did not punch this kid.

Donnie: Did you study for the marine biology test? Leo: Of course I did! Listen: fish are remarkably well adapted to water. What’s more, they can swim. Donnie: You are so lame.

#rottmnt #incorrect quotes #hehehe #wee #rottmnt leo #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt raph #save rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #save rise of the tmnt #save rottmnt

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bughoused · 6 months ago

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Well, they encourage your complete cooperation, send you roses when they think you need to smile ! I can't control myself because I don't know how, and they love me for it, honestly, I'll be here for a while !

bughoused, an independent, selective, and mutuals only batman rogue oc: r.m. renfield / dracula. fed by ramone. 21+. crossover friendly.

rules &. biography &. dracula | promo credit @mad-hunts <3

I gave you blood, blood, gallons of the stuff ! I gave you all that you can drink, and it has never been enough ! I gave you blood, blood, blood ! I'm the kind of human wreckage that you love !

#oh yEAH MR KRABS #( self promo. )#batman rp #dc rp #comics rp #rp promo #DCMASTERLISTS

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going-dead · 2 years ago

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Horses not Unicorns

Prompt by @eyesofcrows : in some hospitals, CPR is done to a patient despite them being declared dead on arrival. This is a courtesy to the family. The doctor doesn't expect the scream when they lay down the defibrillator paddles on the boy's chest.

Dr. Cecelia Martinez had worked as an ED doctor for longer than some of the nurses under her had even been alive. She saw more gruesome scenes in one week than most people would in their entire lives if they were lucky. She would even say she’d seen it all if she wanted to be stupid and jinx herself.

She took one of the coffees out of the cup carrier in her hands and placed it in front of Lily, the nurse on shift with her. “Your cream with a dash of coffee.”

“Thanks Martinez. And stop ragging on me about how much cream I put in my coffee, it tastes good.” Lily nodded her head not taking her eyes off of the computer screen in front of her. She was finishing up the chart notes for the last patient who’d came in and reviewing the work of their med student..

“Anything for you. Lord knows I wouldn’t last a week without you here. But never, it’s an affront to caffeine. I didn’t consume gallons of the stuff back in school, or on these night shifts just for you blaspheming it like you do. Look at it, it’s lighter than a person dying of blood loss.” Dr. Martinez took the other cup out of the holder and handed it to the medical student shadowing her for the next few weeks, Brian.

Or well he was supposed to. Not many of the students just starting their rotations make it long in the emergency department, especially if it was one of their first rotations, even less come back to work there when they graduate. The kid only started the night before so she hadn’t had much of a time to get a grasp on what he was made of.

“Thank you Dr. Martinez.” Brian gave her a small smile as she took a seat. “Can I ask a question?”

“That’s why you’re here isn’t it? And drop the title stuff, if you won’t call me Cecelia you can at least call me Martinez.” She looked Brian up and down, he was either restless or nervous, or perhaps both , with how he tapped his finger and his leg hadn’t stopped moving up and down.

“Uh okay. It’s just I was wondering, we’ve hardly seen any patients come in. Is it always this slow?” Brian asked.

“God damn it Brian!” Lily shouted, startling the poor med student.

“What? Did I do something wrong when charting?” His eyes widened.

Dr. Martinez wouldn’t deny it had been…less than busy. It was already four in the morning and the most interesting thing they had seen that night was someone coming in for back pain because they pulled a muscle. A quick lidocaine patch and he was on his way. Of course now that Brian had challenged fate, there was very little chance the night would continue on with such ease. “You spoke words never to be spoken in a hospital setting. The forbidden ‘s’ word.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “I didn’t think medical professionals would be so superstitious.”

“Not superstition if it’s true.” Lily huffed, she had already downed her coffee in preparation. Dr. Martinez quickly followed suit.

Almost on cue one of the triage nurses burst through the doors as the intercom spoke out overhead. “Code blue, pediatric male, ED waiting room.”

Dr. Martinez swore jumping up from her seat. “Lily get the crash room prepared and get peds down here. Brian with me.” She followed the triage nurse into the waiting room not giving the student time to catch up with her.

Who the patient was, was obvious. Even if there wasn’t a nurse actively transferring him into a gurney. He was the only person under the age of thirty in the waiting room.

Dr. Martinez turned to the man hovering near the child. “You dad?”

The man shook his head. “Teacher, William Lancer, we’re on a school trip one of the students noticed he wasn’t breathing in his sleep, and well-can you help him.”

“We’ll do the best we can. Do you know of any health conditions, allergies, medications?” She questioned.

William Lancer shook his head. “No. Danny’s perfectly healthy for a kid his age, despite being on the smaller side.”

He was correct about him being on the smaller side of his age group, looking at him, she would’ve said he was fifteen at most, not seventeen. Dr. Martinez followed the nurses to the crash room. They had already started to put the leads of the AED onto the patient when she walked in.

The likelihood of the kid making it was slim to none. Even if he did the effect of his brain not having oxygen for so long. She was aware of that. If he hadn’t been breathing since he was found and then the whole trip to the hospital…Well it was her job to at least try.

Brian was just standing and staring at the body infront of them as Dr. Martinez started an IV line letting the nurses start to bag the patient and the others finished up with the AED preparations. “Brian get moving or get out of the way.”

“He’s just a kid.” He stared.

“No pulse, Starting compressions!” A nurse called out.

Brian flinched at the sound of ribs breaking under the strain of chest compressions. “Someone get the student out of here.” She yelled.

That snapped him out of his stupor. “No I can do this, what do you want me to do?”

“Take over the bagging.” She instructed, it was probably one of the simpler tasks she could give him, as long as he didn’t pop the patients' lung.

She heard the AED speak up, still no pulse, still no, shockable rhythm. “Administering epinephrine.”

They continued like that for five more minutes, staff switching out doing compressions or bagging. Passing medications. But they all knew the chances.

Or they thought they did.

“We got a new reading!” Lily shouted.

Dr. Martinez looked over at the EKG reading. “He’s in V-fib, get the AED ready to shock.”

The staff waited on bated breath as they let the AED examine the patient’s heart rhythm. “Shock advised. Charging. Stand clear. Press the flashing button to deliver shock.”

“Clear?” Dr. Martinez made eye contact with each person standing around the patient. A chorus of clears rang out in response.

“Clear!” Dr. Martinez did a final call before she pressed the button to deliver the shock.

Cardiac arrests were not an uncommon sight in the emergency department. She’d see plenty more by the time she hit retirement. But it was usually older people, people who’d lived at least a somewhat long life. No matter how many times a child or even a young adult came into the ED like this it was hard on everyone involved. She always tried longer on kids. Despite knowing the very slim chance of them being revived. The chances were practically zero here. She mourned the fact that this was Brian’s first cardiac arrest with them. There was no chance any reasonable person would stay after this.

It wasn’t her first to wouldn’t be her last, but just like the others and the ones to come Cecelia Martinez knew she would never forget his face.

Especially since he did something frankly impossible for someone who had just received CPR and an electric shock. He sat up and screamed.

It was only years of experience that Dr. Martinez was able to dodge the kick sent her way. Brian was not so lucky getting clocked in the face with a fist.

“Hey, hey, hey. You need to lay down. You’re in the hospital, your teacher says you stopped breathing and you went into cardiac arrest. Can you tell me your name, do you remember where you were last? Or the date?” Dr. Martinez asked placing herself directly into the teenager's line of sight.

He placed a hand on his chest and took a slow deep breath. Something that had to be incredibly painful with broken ribs. “Huh, I-yeah. Danny Fenton. I was in my hotel room. It’s March 27th. Did you electrocute me?”

No obvious damage to neurological function. He got the date wrong but only by four hours, it was the 28th now. “Yes Danny, we did have to shock you. We’re going to have to run quite a few tests to make sure everything is working okay now.” And to see how he was even talking.

“Oh, no I’m okay.” Danny looked back where Brian was holding his shoulder where he was punched, and winced. “Shit, sorry dude are you alright?”

“How about you all go chart, or help Brian get ice or something for his shoulder. Lily let his teacher know he’s joined us back in the land of the living.” Dr. Martinez not so kindly giving them all the hint to get out.

Danny tried to hide a laugh in a cough. An interesting reaction for someone who had briefly died. “Young man I don’t think you realize what you just went through. I understand you are most likely in shock but you need to understand the gravity of the situation. Healthy kids do not just suddenly stop breathing, and we need to understand why.”

“It’s not a big deal, I promise. I just have sleep apnea.” Danny explained.

“Your heart stopped.” Dr. Martinez deadpanned.

“It’s a very serious condition.” Danny nodded his head like he was agreeing with her.

There was a knock on the door, opening just a moment after. Lily brining in Danny’s teacher. “War and Peace, Danny are you alright?”

“Yeah I’m fine.”

“No he is not” Dr. Martinez said at the same time. “We had to perform CPR. We’ll have to do tests to make sure everything has resumed functioning as normal as they can, as well as an x-ray to assess the damage to his ribs.”

“Of course. I have gotten in contact with his older sister and she is on the way, she should be here in a few hours. His parents are currently unavailable.” William Lancer explained.

“Jazz is coming?” Danny groaned. The most negative emotion he had displayed since he’d gotten here. “And hours? As in multiple? I don’t want to be here that long.”

“You’ll be here a few days minimum for observation.” Dr. Martinez said.

The boy flopped back onto the gurney with much more aggressiveness than he should have with what he just went through. “I don’t like hospitals.”

Dr. Martinez sighed. “Not may people do, doctors can be intimidating sometimes. White coat syndrome isn’t abnormal.”

Danny wrinkled his nose. “I don’t care about doctors. It’s too loud here, there’s too much death.”

It was quiet in the room, she wasn’t sure what he was talking about.

“I can leave the sooner I get those tests done right?” He asked.

“As long as everything is normal.” Dr. Martinez nodded. They wouldn’t be, they couldn’t be.

“As long as it’s all normal.” Danny repeated “Alright let’s get started.”

Dr. Martinez was reading the x-ray and other test results when Danny’s older sister arrived. She double-checked the results and viewed the images dozens of times.

Barring the traces of epinephrine still in his system, all the tests were completely normal. His ribs weren’t even broken.

But that wasn’t possible. She heard the bones break.

The best course of action she supposed was to talk to Danny and his sister. She made her way to the room they moved him to. She seemed to enter the middle of a conversation.

“I swear when I get my hands on him. He traps me in the middle of a dream and then I’m waking up thinking I’m dying again. And now they’re trying to keep me here for no reason!”

“I mean, technically in their eyes you did die. It’s a valid concern.”

“Still don’t see why it’s such a big deal though, I’m fine.”

“Normal people don’t recover that fast Danny. It of course would raise some questions.”

“How was I supposed to know how quick people recover from dying?”

“Common sense, I’d assume.” “Ugh. When do mom and dad get back?”

“Few days, you’re still stuck with me until then. Lucky for you in this situation. They’d have a lot more questions.”

Dr. Martinez opened the door fully making her presence known. “You must be Jazz. I’m Danny’s doctor, Dr. Martinez.”

“Nice to meet you Dr. Martinez. Thank you for taking care of my brother.” Jazz smiled shaking her hand.

“Well he certainly gave us quite the fright. It’s not often people come back from a cardiac arrest punching.” More like they never did.

“Well he’s always liked to exceed expectations.” Jazz nodded..“Do you have the discharge paperwork?”

“Discharge?” Danny’s teacher had said Jazz was one of the most responsible people he knew despite her younger age. And she wanted to discharge her brother? “Miss Fenton discharging him so soon-”

“Is well within my rights as his temporary legal guardian while our parents are unavailable.”

Dr. Martinez refrained from sighing. “And where exactly are your parents?”

“Out of the country at the moment.” Danny supplied. “Work trip.”

“I see. Regardless I can’t just let you leave just hours after you went into cardiac arrest.”

“Did my tests come back wrong?” He asked.

‘No, your tests came back completely normal.”

“Then I don’t see why I can't leave?”

“That is exactly why you can’t leave. We don’t even know what caused this.” She would rather have him stay voluntarily than try to chance getting a court order.

“I do know though.”

“You know?” Dr. Martinez found that hard to believe. “Why would that be?”

“Ghosts.”

“Ghosts?”

“That’s what I said.” Danny nodded.

Court order it was. “I’m going to step out and talk to your teacher. Please remain here.”

She stepped out the door. Finding William Lancer was not difficult, he was in the chair right outside the door. “Sir, may I ask you a question?”

He stood up. “Yes of course. Is everything alright?”

“Unusually enough, yes. But it has more to do with something Danny mentioned about the reason for his episode.” She rubbed at her temple. “He said it was because of and I quote ‘ghosts’.”

“Oh.”

“Yes. So you see why it wouldn’t be a good idea to let him leave.”

“I thought they wouldn’t be a problem so far from Amity Park.”

“What?”

“We didn’t bring any anti-ghost equipment for that reason. Obviously that was a major oversight on me and the rest of the schools staff on this trip.”

She was starting to think perhaps school was a code word for cult. Or maybe wherever they were from had some serious chemical leaks going on. “Could you please just talk to the two of them and try to convince them not to leave? I do not think it would be a good idea to let him go so soon.”

“Oh definitely. Even if it is ghosts that’s not something we can let go without making sure he is okay.” He nodded and went to open the door.

“Great Gatsby, not again.” William Lancer sighed as he entered the room.

“What? What is it?” Dr. Martinez asked pushing past him. Had Danny collapsed?

Danny had not collapsed, in fact Danny was no longer in the room. No one was.

But she had been standing next to the door the entire time. There was no way they could have left without her noticing. “Where did they go?”

“Back home, probably. Or well on their way there, I’d assume.”

“But how did they leave, we were standing infront of the door.”

He just gave a tired shrug. “It’s not the first time he’s disappeared with no feasible way to. Happens more and more by the year I swear. He wasn’t nearly this bad at fourteen. Still a handful, just a different way. But if he’s feeling well enough to sneak out there's not much I can do.”

“Do you think that their behavior is possibly linked to their parents?” They had mentioned that their parents were out of the country on a business trip. Perhaps they were taught to mistrust hospital staff by their parents out of fear of social workers.

“The whole family is strange, their parents are scientists to put simply. But not in the way you’re thinking. They’re just strange in a city full of strange people and strange things. If that is all, I do need to return to the rest of my students. Have a good night, or well a good morning I suppose.” He gave her a smile before walking off.

Dr. Martinez walked back towards her office thoughts cluttered. Ghosts, a perfectly healthy teenage boy’s heart stopping. The way he acted it was less that the shock reset his heart rhythm and more like it simply surprised him enough that his functions resumed their normal activities. His ribs broke, then they weren’t. He had no side effects from being shocked, let alone from going so long with no oxygen going to his brain. No one who knew him seemed to think the things going on were weird. Simply another day.

Brian was sitting in the extra chair in her office. He looked up at the sound of her entering. “How’s the patient?”

“Gone.”

“Gone? How?”

“Not sure, actually.” Dr. Martinez had seen almost everything as an ED doctor. Whatever just happened was a brand-new experience. “And it seems like I’m not paid nearly enough to figure it out. After today, I don’t blame you if you want to end your rotation early.”

“No! I want to stay.” Brian stood up.

“Really? Why?” Cardiac arrests weren’t easy on new students, kids were even worse.

“I’ve never seen or even heard about someone being this healthy and aware after CPR. It’s fascinating. I want to see more things like that that challenges our understanding of medicine.” Brian said as he pointed the notes he was writing down in her face.

Cecilia laughed. “You remember the phrase horses not zebras?”

Brian nodded his head. “Yeah of course. This was a zebra, right?”

Dr. Martinez shook her head. Once she finished charting she was going to forget about all of this, preferably with a strong drink when she got home. Too many unanswered questions and unexplainable events. Hell maybe it was ghosts. “You’re never going to see something like this again. This was a god-damn unicorn.”

#danny phantom #My writing #outsider pov #phic phight 2023 #phic phight team human

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mxbitters · 6 months ago

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yeah so blood by mcr is a transgender anthem i just decided

SOBBINF CAME BACK FEOM ONE BLOODWORK THING THEN STSRTED MAKINF PHONE CALLS FOR PRE OP STUFF AND I REALIZED THEY NEED TO TAKE MORE OF MY BLOOD FOR SOMETHINF DIFFERENT AND OH COME ON. MY ARMS MY POOR BLACK AND BLUE ARMS

#IIIII GAAAAVE YOUUUUU BLOOD. BLOOD!!!!! GALLONS OF THE STUFF I GAVE YOU ALL THAT YOU COULD DRINK AND IT HAS NEVER BEEN ENOUGH!!!!!#that being said ok fineee i get it i just Misinterpreted but waaahhhhh

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misty-missdee · 1 year ago

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I gave you blood, blood. (gallons of the stuff)

#oh Dee #it me #went to doktor #gav mai blüd #trans #queer #nonbinary #i thought i looked cool #like comment subscribe to tell me im wrong #or right idk #haha #ha

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fullcolorfright · 4 months ago

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What horror films do you think have the best practical effects? Which ones have the worst but are still fun?

I love practical effects so I really gave this one some thought! I’ll skip over the ultra-classics (The Thing, Alien) because they’ve already been talked up and for organization split this into 4 of my favorite eras: silent spectacle, midcentury monsters, splatter-action, and modern animation.

For me at least a lot of silent film effects are so pioneering that I’m wowed by the slightest thing they’re able to achieve, and the medium is also so necessarily visuals-focused that many of the true bombastic films are just showcases of incredible effects. I’d say your best options for seeing some truly impressive stuff are Dante’s Inferno (1911) (one of the first surviving feature films, so it really gets across exactly what they were capable of at the time), and Faust (1926), which goes all-out, creating a whole world of angels and demons.

The creature features of the 30s-60s were all about making fun new designs. I’d go for The Invisible Man (1933) for invisibility effects that impress to this day, and Black Sabbath (1963) for some terrifying puppet action.

Splatter-action movies can be a vehicle for some particularly flashy effects, and the 80s-90s were the peak of the craze. Here I’d recommend The Boxer’s Omen (1983) and Braindead (1992). In Boxer’s Omen, the effects are for a series of vibrant wizard duels, and in Braindead, for gallons and gallons of fake blood, sprayed full-force in every direction.

Some of the best practical effects I’ve seen in recent films have been in horror-animation- like silent films, these really allow the visuals to shine. The (mostly) stop-motion animated films The Wolf House (2018) and Mad God (2021) have been standouts.

As for horror with bad effects that I still enjoy- Any kind of safety or religious scare film. I’m thinking specifically of The Burning Hell (1974) and Think About This (1999). The ketchup blood is essential.

#asks #gore #blood #kind of a long response but what else is a blog for

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mtqcomic · 6 months ago

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decided to make some mtq incorrect quotes and thought that I'd put them here (sorry if they're out of character- incorrect quotes tend to do that sometimes no matter how much you shuffle the names to get the right characters ToT)(also I censored the swears in the quotes just in case)

Gendaen: Operation no more distractions is a go! not even 10 seconds later Gendaen: Oh, look! A butterfly! -

Gendaen: Ocàyuu, you risked your life to save me! Ocàyuu: And I’d do it again! And perhaps a third time! But that would be it.

alternatively:

Gendaen: Mysta, you risked your life to save me! Mysta: And I’d do it again! And perhaps a third time! But that would be it.

Eth: May Destiny (and this picture of Gendaen eating shredded cheese at 3 in the morning) be with you.

(they probably won't interact in canon BUT)

Gendaen: gets a text Oh! It’s Malvox. Zaïl, excitedly: Did it get me the stuff? Gendaen: Yeah, it says it got you the clown costume, the power drill, and 12 gallons of blood. Zaïl: Wow! Where did it find 12 gallons of fake blood? Gendaen: You wanted fake blood? Zaïl: Gendaen: I’ll go call Malvox.

(okay but this one might be canon /half joking)

Malvox: I am literally evil incarnate. Malvox: I’m not actually, I just enjoy being evil. Malvox: Which I think actually makes it even more evil because I’m making a conscious effort.

(he's thinking about his newest building project Eth, let the man think /lighthearted)

Eth: Are you listening to me? Gendaen: nods Eth: What did I just say? Gendaen: nods Eth: …

Malvox quotes are really fun because it is just so mean to everybody and there's a surprisingly large amount of quotes in the generator that are like that

Malvox: Let’s write Eth a friendly note, shall we? Dear… Incompetent… Dumb*ss…

based on that one post of Eth (you know which one)

Mysta: Question, how difficult would it be to bowl in a bee suit? Gendaen: Not that hard, I don't think, as long as you can move. Eth: I'd assume as hard as it is to bowl in a maid outfit. Eth: Wouldn't be any harder, but you'd get some WEIRD looks. Mysta: Are. Are you speaking from experience. Eth: No! Eth: Eth: ….Maybe.

Gendaen: Malvox, please calm down. Malvox: I asked for two large fries! Malvox: dumps fries onto table Malvox: But all they did was give me a MILLION F*CKING LITTLE ONES!

Zaïl, texting Yele: I’m a theif. Yele: Thief. Zaïl: Theif. Yele: I before E except after C. Zaïl: Thceif. Yele: No.

(the reunion, silly edition)

Eth: You gave me up, you let me down, you turned around, and deserted me. Gendaen: But did I make you cry? Eth: cries on the spot Gendaen: …Sh*t.

Zaïl: I’m a fool, not an idiot.

Eth: We always used to do the Wordle rather than take notes in class. Eth: To stop us the teacher would always threaten to tell us the answer if we didn’t pay attention.

(to be honest I have no idea what this quote is saying I got lost halfway through-)

Eth: I’m taking a look at your numbers, and it doesn’t look good. You have a lot of measurements. Quite a few variables. Mysta: Is that… bad? Eth: Variables are the #1 risk factor for outcomes. The past is a big contributor to the future. Mysta: Isn’t that just causality? Eth: Causality is the leading cause of death in this country. Mysta: So what are my odds? Eth: Do you have a family history? Mysta: Of what? Eth: Just, in general. Mysta: …Yes? Eth: Oh no.

Yele: Zaïl! I thought you were dead! Zaïl: No, just in deep cover. Yele: …But it was an open casket. Zaïl: It was very deep.

Mysta: I have an idea. Zaïl: A good idea? Mysta: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Zaïl: An apple a day keeps the doctor away! Malvox: An apple a day can keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough.

Everyone is giving advice to Mysta Eth: It's okay to ask for help. Gendaen: You're not a burden. Malvox: Murder is okay. Yele: Your feelings matter.

Zaïl, over radio: Testing. Testing. Yele, can you hear me? Yele, standing next to Zaïl: I’m standing right here. Zaïl: You’re coming through good and loud. Yele: ‘Cause I’m standing right here.

Malvox: Regular soda is too sweet! Ocàyuu: Diet soda has a weird aftertaste! Malvox: No! Ugh, oh my goodness. Diet soda is THE BEST! It doesn't have sugar! It's SPICY! Ocàyuu: It has other weird stuff in it! I'll take REGULAR sugar in my REGULAR soda! Malvox: It's SO SWEET like it's a dessert though! Diet feels more like a drink! Ocàyuu: I'm going to physically attack you. Malvox: Which is better, Gendaen? Gendaen: Oh, I usually drink water! Ocàyuu: Wha- NO! Malvox: DISGUSTING!

Eth: I think I need a hug… Gendaen: Good thing I'm hug shaped! 45 minutes later Eth: You… you can let go now. Gendaen: No, I absolutely cannot.

I feel like if anybody were to be the therapist friend it would be Ocàyuu. She seemed pretty chill from what we've seen of her

Ocàyuu, looking at the squad: Okay, so I need to become a therapist faster.

Zaïl: Dang it, the printer broke while printing out Gendaen's birthday invitations. Eth: Well, what are they supposed to say? Zaïl: "Gendaen's birthday". Eth: So, what do they say instead? Zaïl: "Gendaen’s bi". Eth: Eth: Works out either way.

I hope that everybody teams up someday it would be SO fun to watch-

Zaïl: So don't panic but one of us is possessed by an owl…. Yele: …. Gendaen: ….. Eth: …… Mysta: ..Who? Zaïl: That's the thing we don't- Everyone stares at Mysta

would Zaïl play video games

Zaïl: You… you said I could trust you!! Zaïl: You said you were a GAMER!!! Malvox: Zaïl… I only play mobile games. Zaïl: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

why do I feel like Gendaen was a bit of a chaos gremlin on top of all the paragon hero stuff

Gendaen: Remember that time you dared me to lick a swingset? Eth: No, I said "Gendaen, don't lick that swingset" and you said "Don't tell me what to do" and licked the swingset.

during the Nelun Soma'o fight

Eth: …I'm pretty sure that shield is fire-proof, or something. Mysta, eyeing the boxes of explosives: Alright, but is it explosion-proof?

wise words, Zaïl

Zaïl: Fruits that do not live up to their names; passionfruit, grapefruit, honeydew and dragonfruit. Zaïl: Fruits that do live up to their names? Zaïl: Orange.

Gendaen: I think I did fairly well on my anatomy quiz! :) Mysta: I forgot I was doing a test. Gendaen: Mysta. Mysta: I said the vertebrae was the back stick because I thought it was funny…. Eth: Mysta.

Gendaen: Three of the four elements are represented as types of hockey. Air hockey, ice hockey, and field hockey. Fire hockey needs to be a thing. Eth: Fire hockey absolutely does NOT need to be a thing. Mysta: Do you care NOTHING for the balance of the four elements?!

to be fair she is a giant hivemind brain thing

Gendaen: I'm very scary. Ocàyuu: You're about as scary as a wet kitten. Gendaen: Wet kittens are cute, at least I've got that going for me. Ocàyuu: And small. Gendaen: Gendaen: …Yeah, yeah. I guess.

Mysta: Okay. Hypothetically speaking, how mad would you be if I burned a hot pocket so badly it could probably fall off a ten-story building and be completely fine? Yele: Mysta, what did you do? Mysta: Take a guess.

Malvox: I’ve been described as a ‘heartless villain’ and a 'little sh*t’, but I prefer… 'has alternative ways of having fun’.

Eth: Um. What kind of tea is this? Mysta: I boiled gatorade.

Yele: We just ate. Why are you making pancakes? Mysta: For the dogs. Yele: Why are you making pancakes for the dogs? Mysta: They don't know how.

Mysta: Let's all agree that going up the stairs on all fours is actually the best experience on earth. Gendaen: Conversely, going down the stairs on all fours is actually the most terrifying experience on earth.

Gendaen: I made lightly fried fish fillets for dinner. Eth: Gendaen, It’s 1:15 am, what the f*ck. Gendaen: Do you want the lightly fried fish fillets or not. Eth: Well, I mean yeah. Gendaen: So come downstairs while they’re still hot. Eth: Wait, you just made them? Gendaen: Yeah, I wasn’t tired so I decided to make lightly fried fish fillets. Eth: Say lightly fried fish fillets one more time Gendaen.

I can never figure out what the possessive for the it pronouns are *faceplants* (/lighthearted)

Ocàyuu, about Malvox: Its covered in blood again. Why is it that its always covered in blood? Gendaen: Well, it looks like it's its own blood this time.

Mysta: on the phone Hey Eth, do you know my blood type? Eth: Of course, it's B-. Mysta: Oh, I guessed wrong. Excuse me, nurse-!

for some reason some of those quotes are giving Legend of Maxx energy. I can absolutely imagine Maxx saying "slunchy"

Gendaen: Problem, I can't tell if this food is over-sauced or undercooked. Zaïl: Solution, just pop it back in the oven for another 10 minutes. There's at least a 50% chance that'll fix it, right? Eth: Result? Food has somehow become unpleasantly soggy and unpleasantly crunchy at the exact same time. Mysta: No better time than this to pull out my favorite word! Slunchy! Yele: …put it away.

Zaïl in these quotes is kind of giving cool cousin energy

Yele: It’s Pride Month, you know what that means! Mysta: I get to eat as many Skittles as I want? Eth: What? No! What has Zaïl been telling you? Zaïl, walking in, pouring Skittles into their mouth: Taste the rainbow, b*tch.

I mean they do canonically have a gun

Zaïl, holding a gun: If the conspiracies about life being a simulation are true WHOEVERS CONTROLLING MY SIM I JUST WANNA TALK.

Malvox: I refuse to apologize for being weird or off-putting or slightly evil (or more than slightly evil). That’s actually your problem. I’m having a fantastic time!

Eth: We need a plan to beat them. Mysta: Okay, listen up. First, we fill their shoes with wet cat food. Eth: Mysta: Judge me all you want, I get results.

what kind of conversations do you think they'd have

Malvox: Sometimes I like to place my hands on someone’s cheeks, look into their eyes… Malvox: …And violently jerk their head until it snaps. Gendaen: …That took an unexpected turn. Ocàyuu: So did their neck.

Eth: What do you three have to say for yourself? Zaïl: Gendaen: Mysta: Oops?

Gendaen, to the Squad: The real secret to immortality? Not dying. You want to be immortal? Okay, that’s easy. Just don’t die. That’s it. Refuse to die. There you go. Mysta: But how- Gendaen, ignoring her: “But how”, you may ask. Well, easy. Just don’t do it. Refuse to. Say “no thanks”.

Gendaen: Don't quote me on this, but I believe murder is illegal!

if Gendaen somehow convinced Eth to wear a cat maid outfit then I think this isn't entirely out of the realm of possibility either

While planning to break in somewhere Gendaen: Hey, let's do "Get Help!" Eth: What? Gendaen: "Get Help." Eth: No. Gendaen: C'mon, you love it! Eth: I hate it. Gendaen: It's great! It works every time! Eth: It's humiliating. Gendaen: Do you have a better plan? Eth: No. Gendaen: We're doing it! Eth: We are not doing "Get Help!" A Minute Later Gendaen, carrying Eth: Get help! Please! He's dying! Help him! throws Eth at guards, knocking them out Gendaen: Ahh, classic! Eth: gets up I still hate it. It's humiliating. Gendaen, laughing: Not for me, it's not.

aaand that's it for now I will be back with more

maybe

byeeeeeeeeeeee- *disappears in a puff of smoke*

Certified Canon ✔

#obviously not everything here is in character per se but honestly most of it is surprisingly accurate #even the gendaen ones and he's barely said anything all comic #i also really appreciate the malvox ones. i think you get why it's my favourite character to write dialogue for #and wow you actually typed the diaeresis in Zaïl's name every time. good work #really appreciate this!#ask #ask dk

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