#I fully intend to get back into daily drawings again as soon as my illness lets me

[freebooter4ever]

Honestly watched Geno put that puck in last night and my second thought (after “woooooo yeaaaaaaaah!”) was “freebooter4ever is gonna be so happy”

Please, call me Boots :P

[curufins-smile]

In the Shadow of Þerindë

Young Feanor discovers the cause of his mother’s condition

-

Fëanáro was content. His father gave him free rein of the palace, and Fëanáro was allowed to go wherever he liked so long as there was no danger of him hurting himself. He had mapped out all the little nooks and crannies from the kitchens to the highest rooms, and found many excellent hiding spots for a young elf to conceal himself in should he wish.

There was a set of rooms, however, that he loved most, and those were his mother’s personal chambers. She was gone, now. Fëanáro had visited her body many times in the gardens of Lórien with his father, but her hröa was cold and still no matter how he attempted to rouse her. He always brought a drawing or something he made to show her, but her eyes would never open to see it. When he was too young to understand that she would not wake, he would pepper her face with kisses, and pat at her with his tiny hands in an attempt to get her to look at him. But she never would.

Fëanáro loved her rooms the most, for they were filled with her works. He would run his fingers over the bright embroidery, that shone with such colours and was in such fine detail. Even at a younger age, he knew it to be special.

He had much of her work himself. His father could not usually bear to speak of his mother, but from what he had said when he could, Fëanáro knew that in the year before his birth his mother had spent all her time obsessively embroidering and sewing clothes for him. Most of her work had been in stitching on rich and beautiful fabrics that he could have outfits made in by other seamstresses as he grew older. There was enough to last until he was beyond fully grown.

It was as though she had known her time was short.

Of course, Fëanáro still had Owl too, beloved and battered, though he felt he was a little old to carry it around now. He still found comfort in it when necessary though.

Fëanáro was currently sat in his favourite spot in the gardens. He had his bound sketchbook for him, and was practicing busily. His father had arranged for the great loremaster Rúmil to tutor him in sarati, and the letters had captured Fëanáro like nothing before.

He was putting the finishing touches to a slightly wobbly line of sarati when he heard the voices. It wasn’t unusual for courtiers to wander this part of the gardens, but his alcove was secluded, and his curious ears pricked up to listen to something children might not be meant to hear.

“Honestly,” a lady’s voice was saying, “King Finwë was looking absolutely delicious this morning.”

Her companions emitted various levels of agreeing noises.

“All that lovely hair,” sighed a second female voice. “His fëa must be so strong.”

Fëanáro screwed up his face in disgust. Of course his father was the strongest and most handsome, but he was not for the likes of these people. He was for Ammë.

“Of course,” said a slightly nasal male voice, “that’s part of the problem, isn’t it.”

The two ladies hushed him, sounding suddenly fearful. “Quiet!” said the first, “There’s a ban on speaking of it!”

The male voice laughed. “Please, this part of the gardens is always empty. And anyway, everyone knows what happened. Such a shame, I’d do anything to get my hands on a Serindë original.” Fëanáro scowled at the mispronunciation of her title, but his interest was piqued.

“Except the prince,” said the second lady. “Poor mite.”

Fëanáro did not even dare to breathe. What was it that he did not know that all others did?

The first voice snorted. ”Poor mite?” she said incredulously. “The Valar called his birth a product of Arda Marred. If you ask me he’s no better than the fallen Vala, Melkor.”

The second lady gasped. “How could you say such a thing?” she exclaimed. Fëanáro agreed with her. His head was spinning. The Valar had said that about him?

The male voice spoke up again, nasal tones smug. “Please, Rielle, don’t act like you don’t think the same. Everyone knows the prince is the reason that Queen Míriel is dead. He consumed her very fëa, so that all that she is is lifeless and grey. That ill omen stole her energy for his own.”

Fëanáro dropped his charcoal. He could barely hear the first lady agreeing with the male. “Yes, it’s true,” she said. “Have you never touched him? His fëa is so bright that the very heat of it means his skin is hot like a stove.” She sniffed. “I suppose that’s what having two souls does to a person.”

Fëanáro slid off the bench with a thump.

“What was that?” cried one of the ladies, startled.

“I knew we should not have spoken of it,” said the first. “Come, let us leave before whoever is spying sees our faces.”

The trio bustled off noisily, leaving Fëanáro finally alone to sob.

-

It was getting towards Telperion waxing, and it was time for Finwë to find Fëanáro. It was a daily game the pair played. Fëanáro would be off in some hidden nook, and Finwë would track him down for dinner. Today, however, Fëanáro was in none of his usual spots and Finwë was becoming a little anxious. He had found Fëanáro’s art tools abandoned in his favourite garden alcove, so he flagged down a passing servant, who told him that the prince had been seen going into his mother’s rooms.

Finwë himself had not been in Míriel’s chambers since shutting up almost all her work inside. He could not bear to see most of it. It was the ultimate expression of the sheer life force she had had, the fire of her colours and the intensity of her designs.

Fëanor was in there, surrounded by tapestries. He had clearly been tearing through the bags in a fit of almost madness, trying to find something. He was sat with his back to Finwë, and laid in front of him was Míriel’s last project.

It had been intended to be a family portrait. Both Finwë and Míriel were stitched in minute detail, so real that Finwë could not stand to look at her embroidered face. But she had left a large space in her arms where she would have put Fëanáro.

“I don’t know what he will look like!” she had laughed, when he had questioned her about it. “Some days I think I should simply stitch myself holding a flame, for I feel that more strongly than anything.”

Soon after she had not the strength to even lift her needle, and it remained unfinished.

Fëanáro was running his small hand over the design again and again, feeling the difference in texture between the embroidery and the gaping hole.

“Fëanáro?” Finwë asked softly. The place felt almost sacred, and he did not laugh loudly at discovering his son as he might usually. The lack of cheerful greeting was highly disconcerting too.

Fëanáro turned to look up at him, and Finwë immediately knelt to gather him into a hug on seeing his red rimmed eyes. He had clearly been crying for some time.

His son’s voice was hoarse from weeping when he finally spoke, face muffled against Finwë’s chest.

“Did I kill Ammë?” he asked. Finwë felt his heart drop.

“What?” he asked, hoping he had misheard. He loosened the embrace to allow Fëanáro to pull back slightly and look him in the eyes.

“Did. I. Kill. Ammë?” Fëanáro enunciated clearly and deliberately, staring Finwë down.

Finwë was suddenly incandescently angry. He had worked so hard to try to ensure that Fëanáro was shielded from this. Who had told him? Finwë had endeavoured for these last years to keep his son forever smiling her smile. His rage was interrupted by Fëanáro squirming to get free.

“I knew it!” he cried, tears running freshly down his face. “I killed her and you hate me!”

Finwë realised it was the first time Fëanáro had ever seen him angry and immediately scrambled to fix it, pulling Fëanáro back to his chest despite his protestations.

“No, no, no,” Finwë said, burying his face in Fëanáro’s dark hair. It wasn’t the same colour as Míriel’s, but the texture was almost identical. He felt Fëanáro’s sobs more than heard them. “I’m not angry at you, my son. I’m angry for you.”

Slowly, tentatively, Fëanáro’s arms encircled him, returning the embrace.

“Did I kill her, Atya?” Fëanáro asked him, still pressed close.

Finwë still wasn’t ready to deal with this. “No,” he said emphatically. “I don’t care what whoever it was said, you did not kill her.”

“Then what did?” asked Fëanáro.

“Your mother was-“ Finwë stopped to swallow down a lump in his own throat. “She was exhausted.”

“Because of me,”  countered Fëanáro.

”No!” cried Finwë. He let Fëanáro go again to look at him properly. “Listen to me,” he said. “They don’t understand. No one understands. It was no one’s fault but He who marred the world’s.”

It was the wrong thing to say. Fëanáro broke into fresh tears.

“So they were right? My birth is the product of Arda Marred?” he sobbed.

Finwe cradled Fëanáro’s chin in his hands, looking into his eyes.

“Hear me this, Finwion,” he said, and watched Fëanáro’s eyes widen at the name that he had not used since deciding to go by his mother-name. “You are my son, and I would have no other. Even if it would bring your mother back, I would cast you aside for nothing. Nothing I say can change the thoughts you have already decided on about the circumstances of your birth, but know you that you could kill a thousand people of our blood and I would love you all the same.”

Fëanáro sniffled slightly, and Finwë decided to press his luck with a joke. “But please don’t, because I don’t know what I’d do if you killed a thousand people.”

That made Fëanáro at least crack a wobbly smile. “Now then,” Finwë continued, forcing down his own pain to paste on a smile of his own. “I believe that dinner tonight is your favourite,” he said. “Something so spicy that the rest of us want to weep!”

Fëanáro’s smile became a true one, and Finwë stood and lifted his son onto his hip. “Oof!” he said. “You’re getting too big for this now. Soon you’ll be carrying me!”

They left the room of beautiful things behind them, and Finwë did not let himself look back.

[manage-mischief]

The Negative

PART ONE

Read on AO3 here. 

Summary: Two-shot inspired by the song from “Waitress.” In which Tonks knows something’s wrong—she just doesn’t want to admit it to herself. Good thing Molly and Fleur are there to offer some support.

Author’s Note: This fic is inspired by the song from “Waitress,” the musical. If you haven’t heard it, definitely give it a listen. Some of the dialogue is included here. This work is focused on Tonks as a character, because she was really underdeveloped in the last book. Since we clearly saw Remus freak out when he found out about Teddy, this is me assuming that Tonks did, too. I tried to get the timeline right as best as possible. It’s a bit confusing in the Deathly Hallows, tbh. Anyways, here’s the story. Equal parts fluff and angst. I’m new to fanfic writing, so any kind feedback is appreciated! P.S. I refuse to write Fleur’s dialogue in that horrid French-style that JK used. I omitted her “h’s,” but that’s it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Waitress. What I do own is…nothing. I own nothing.

“Come now, poppet. It’s better to know,” Molly cooed as she rubbed Tonks’ back in slow, soothing circles.

“It is probably nothing,” Fleur nodded encouragingly.

Tonks withdrew her head from between her knees to glare at the Frenchwoman. It sure as hell wasn’t nothing.

The last few months of her life had been absolutely perfect. After a long and arduous battle, Tonks had finally dragged Remus down the aisle. Well…it was a lot more romantic than she made it sound. The couple had wed in a small, intimate ceremony earlier that summer. They both knew there was no stopping the impending darkness of war that was fast approaching, but nonetheless, had decided to spend whatever time they had left together: a massive “up yours” to Voldie and his goons.

True, life since their union had been a bit hectic. When they weren’t working undercover for the Order, they spent all of their time together in their bedroom—the only room in their small London flat that got any proper use. Undoubtedly, that’s how Tonks had ended up in her current predicament. After being late, followed by several days of morning sickness, she was fairly certain she was pregnant.

“Here, we have the test, we’ll soon find out. It will all be fine.” The kindly ginger handed her a cookie and a cup of tea.

Merlin bless Molly Weasley. After concluding that her illness may be more than a common stomach bug, Tonks had visited The Burrow straight away. She wasn’t exactly sure why. She could have gone to her parents’ place, both of whom would have been thrilled about their daughter’s growing family. Somehow, though, the prospect of going to her mum and dad with such news had terrified her. It made the situation more real. And Tonks was not ready to accept that any of this was really happening. 

It wasn’t that she didn’t want kids. In all honesty, she had never really thought about it. She still felt like a kid herself. Plus, with the current violence sweeping their world, now was certainly not the time to be thinking about new life. She had never even discussed the prospect of a family with Remus. But, she was sure that even if he did want children—something she slightly doubted, given his anxieties about his condition—he would agree that now was nowhere near the proper time to start a family. Oh Merlin. She hadn’t yet considered how Remus would react. Her nausea returned. She groaned and brought her head back between her knees.

“Oh my, is she going to be alright?” Fleur questioned Molly as if Tonks wasn’t there. “She looks like she is going to faint! Poor thing!”

“Maybe I’d feel better if I broke your nose,” Tonks growled.

“It must be the ‘ormones,” Fleur remarked, throwing a look of pity in Tonks’s direction. That did it. Tonks rose from her chair, fully intending to draw her wand and wipe that look off of the blonde’s pretty little face. Molly was quicker. She firmly placed herself in between the two younger witches.

“Alright now, let’s all calm down and let Tonks take her test.”

“Calm down? Calm down?!” Tonks was shaking. “How can I calm down! This is a bloody disaster! I’m… I’m not ready for any of this. Remus isn’t ready!” Her voice broke. She collapsed back into her chair. Merlin’s pants, she had never been so emotional before in her life! Perhaps Fleur had been right about the hormones.

Molly kneeled in front of the anxious witch and stroked her hair. “We don’t even know if there’s anything to panic about yet. Let’s not jump to conclusions.”

“So, you think there’s a chance I’m not pregnant?”

Molly pursed her lips. “Well there’s always a chance,” she replied, unconvincingly. “But you’ll feel better once you know for sure. Isn’t that right, Fleur? Don’t you think Tonks should take the test and find out?”

“Oh yes. It will be much better to know for sure. I ‘ope you drank enough of your tea. Apparently, this Muggle test requires you to pee on it! Quite odd!” Fleur cheerfully opened the little box containing the pregnancy test they had hastily picked up at the pharmacy in town. Tonks was hoping to avoid a trip to St. Mungo’s until she deemed it absolutely necessary. There were too many prying eyes at the hospital for her liking. Merlin forbid some loose-lipped colleague of hers spotted her in the Magical Maternity Ward…

She sat up properly. “Alright. What do I do with that thing?”

Molly walked across the small kitchen to Fleur’s side. “Read us the instructions, Fleur. What does the box say?”

“’N’insérez pas le bâton dans vôtre…’”

“English, Fleur!”

“’Do not insert the test stick into your vagina.’”

Molly rolled her eyes, exasperated. “Wow! Thank you, Fleur!”

“I am sorry. That is obvious…I am getting nervous!”

“You’re getting nervous?” Tonks wasn’t sure she had made the right decision by coming to Molly’s after all.

At least all of the antics allowed for a momentary distraction. She joined the Weasley women on the other side of the kitchen. “Fine. Gimme the damn stick!” She yanked it from Fleur’s hands and headed for the loo, slamming the door behind her.

Sitting down on the toilet, she stared at the small object in her hands. What would this mean for her marriage? Was a kid really something she was ready to handle? She was snapped out of the beginnings of what would have been the day’s fifty-seventh panic attack by the sound of scuffling outside the bathroom door.

“I cannot ‘ear peeing. ‘As she done it yet?”

“Shhhh, give her some privacy! She’s clearly terrified, poor thing. Why, I remember when I found out about Bill…”

Oh, for the love of…

“I can hear you, you know!” Tonks shouted. The whispering stopped. Footsteps quickly retreated from the door. After a few more moments of existential crisis, she finally took the test.

Tonks emerged from the loo and found her companions sitting inconspicuously at the table. Molly was staring blankly at a copy of Witch Weekly, while Fleur was holding the latest issue of The Daily Prophet, whistling. Both were failing miserably in their attempts to act casual. Fleur peeked her head out above the paper. “Oh, are you finished? I ‘ave been reading the news this whole time. I did not notice. Did you know Rita Skeeter is writing a book about Dumbledore?”

Tonks rolled her eyes. “Fascinating. So, how do I find out the results?” She shook the stick, which she had wrapped in toilet paper, as it was now covered in her pee. She wrinkled her nose. Did Muggles really live like this?

Fleur dug the paper instructions out of the empty cardboard box. “You will ‘ave to wait three minutes, and then lines will appear. One line means it is negative and two means it is positive.”

“Well, let’s focus on the negative, shall we?” Tonks sarcastically quipped, flopping down beside Molly at the table. She picked up The Daily Prophet that Fleur had been pretending to read and immediately regretted it. The headlines stood out in thick, black ink as she flipped through the pages.

Five Wizards Killed in Mystery Attack

The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore: Rita Skeeter Reports

Dolores Umbridge Continues Crusade Against Half-Breeds, Muggle-Borns

She hastily crumpled up the newspaper and tossed it into the hearth. Molly and Fleur stared at her, surprised.

“Piece of rubbish, anyways,” Tonks whispered. In reality, she had been frightened. Too many horrible things were happening in the world, and the thought of bringing a child into being at such a time felt extremely irresponsible. “How long has it been?”

“Thirty-six seconds.”

“Dammit.”

“Thirty-eight seconds…”

“Okay!”

“Thirty-nine…”

“Let’s change the subject, shall we?” Molly came to the rescue, yet again. “Fleur how is construction on the cottage going?”

“Oh, it is quite wonderful! Bill ‘as been marvelous. ‘E ‘as built it so our room overlooks the sea. It is very beautiful. I cannot wait to move in for real. And I am sure you will be glad when we are out of your ‘air, Molly.”

“Oh, no, I will miss you both dearly,” Molly assured her daughter-in-law, though the hint of excitement in her words betrayed her. Though the two women had got on much better since Bill’s attack, their very different personalities often clashed. It was probably best for the both of them to get some distance.

Tonks’s leg was bouncing up and down at the table as she fruitlessly attempted to take her mind off of the time that seemed to be moving cursedly slow. “How long has it been, now?”

“One minute and twenty-three seconds.”

Tonks groaned impatiently. “How’d I ever get myself into this mess?”

“Well, did you not use protection? I thought you and Remus were very careful about that sort of thing,” Fleur innocently questioned. She immediately winced, and Tonks was quite sure that Molly had kicked the girl underneath the table.

The Auror felt her face flush. “Well, he got me drunk,” she replied, defensively. “I do stupid things when I drink…”

“Stupid things, like sleep with your ‘usband?” Fleur giggled. The girl was ballsy, Tonks had to give her credit. If she hadn’t been filled with crippling anxiety, she would have appreciated Fleur’s positivity and wit.

Molly suppressed a laugh. “Focus, Fleur. We’re trying to take Tonks’s mind off of her… predicament.” Molly chose her words carefully. “Remember. We’re focusing on the negative!” She smiled optimistically at the metamorphmagus.

“Well, the test could be negative. What if…maybe, ah, what is the expression…maybe Remus’s wand does not cast any spells…if you know what I mean. That would be lucky!”

The other two women choked. Tea spurted out of Tonks’s nose. Molly huffed. “Oh yes, miraculously lucky, to get away with an unprotected f—“

“Funny how one night can ruin your entire life,” Tonks lamented. How she was going to survive this last minute, she didn’t know. Fighting Death Eaters was less nerve-wracking.

“Just, calm down, goddammit!” Molly snapped, clearly getting anxious herself. There was only so much complaining the mother of seven could take. “Let’s all just pull ourselves together! Now,” she chided.  

The three women sat in silence, shocked by Molly’s outburst. Tonks had the unshakable feeling of having been scolded by her mother. She gazed at her hands shamefully, picking at her fingernails until Fleur spoke once more. “The test should be finished.”

Tonks’s heart flip-flopped in her chest. “I can’t look. One of you do it.”

Fleur eagerly reached for the test, but Molly held her back. Her face was stern. “You can, and you will, Tonks. It will all be alright.” Her eyes softened.

“It was only one night,” Fleur added. That did nothing to assuage Tonks’s fears. She could hear the seconds ticking by on the clock. Her stomach was in knots. But, she knew that they were right. She had to find out the truth. Whatever the result.

“One line. One line,” she chanted to herself. Fleur nodded encouragingly. Molly remained still, her face unreadable.

Tonks picked up the test, carefully unwrapping it, as if it were a Hippogriff that would attack if she approached it too quickly. “This is it.”

She turned the stick over in her hands, only vaguely disgusted by the fact that she had peed on it not five minutes earlier.

“Shit.”

[commentaryvorg]

Danganronpa V3 Commentary: Part 5.5

Be aware that this is not a blind playthrough! This will contain spoilers for the entire game, regardless of the part of the game I’m commenting on. A major focus of this commentary is to talk about all of the hints and foreshadowing of events that are going to happen and facts that are going to be revealed in the future of the story. It is emphatically not intended for someone experiencing the game for their first time.

Last time in early chapter 5, Maki made an unhelpfully indirect attempt at getting Kaito and Shuichi to make up because even she doesn’t realise that they just need to talk to each other, Shuichi was very provably wrong about the idea that Kaito wants him to apologise but at least was able to realise that he shouldn’t do so, Kaito has to know that he needs to apologise to Shuichi but is being a coward about it, I discussed the three different reasons it’s Kaito who’s dying, Kaito is only lying to the others and not to himself about how helpless he feels, and recklessness was beautiful.

Now, it’s the next morning, and Shuichi bumps into Himiko on the way to the dining hall.

Himiko:  “It seems like everyone’s gathered in the dining hall today too. Since I’ve been here, I’ve been on a pretty regular schedule.”

Shuichi:  “Me too… I’m even eating breakfast every morning now.”

Thanks to Kaito! Not quite so directly thanks to Kaito in Himiko’s case, but it was Kaito’s idea to continue the morning breakfast gatherings after they kind of fell apart in chapter 1. Having that routine probably did help Himiko with her depression at least a little bit.

Himiko:  “It’d probably be good if I kept up this schedule after we get out of here.”

With additional scheduled daily training too, yes! That’ll probably help a little with her depression as well.

Shuichi:  (Kokichi’s not here. Well, if he was, it’d be complete chaos…)

Actually, he is. Kokichi mentions later tonight that he overheard Kaito’s announcement here because he was hiding in the dining hall for this conversation. (Or probably in the adjoining kitchen. The dining hall doesn’t have any places to hide unless he can cling like a ninja to the underside of the table.)

Everyone starts by discussing how they can’t find Kokichi anywhere, which he is probably having a silent giggle to himself about.

Maki:  “… Make sure you talk to Kaito.”

This is in the context of one of those moments where you’re free to talk to whoever and Kaito is the one you actually need to talk to to progress the conversation (to hear about his plan), but we all know that’s not what Maki really means here.

Shuichi:  “What’s your idea, Kaito?”

Kaito:  “Hm? O-Oh, yeah…”

Because of that, Shuichi has to be the one to ask Kaito what his idea is, leading to more awkwardness. Shuichi wants to hear about your plan to be a hero, Kaito! Isn’t that at least something you can tell him about without feeling ashamed?

(Perhaps not, because it’s a terrible plan and he knows it, and surely the one most likely to notice that and point it out would be Shuichi, the real hero here?)

Shuichi:  (Lacking subtlety, Kaito averted his eyes from me and looked around.)

Kaito:  “Looks like Monokuma isn’t here. Well, I wouldn’t care even if he was.”

Yes, Kaito, you definitely just looked around the room to check for Monokuma and not to draw attention away from Shuichi addressing you and make it no longer seem like you’re responding to him in particular.

Kaito:  “Didn’t I tell you guys yesterday? I’m gonna get you guys out of here.”

Again – you guys, rather than us. And he’s going to do it, not all of them working together, which is the first thing he says here before going on to ask for everyone else’s help.

Kaito:  “Fight Monokuma with me.”

Kaito’s expression here the first time he mentions this is that strained anger that looks like he’s hiding something beneath it, suggesting that even though the Exisals are gone, he still isn’t fully sure that they’re going to be able to win this fight. Not surprisingly, given that he has absolutely no strategy for it. He knows he’s taking a huge risk with everyone else’s lives.

Himiko and Tsumugi express hesitance because of how risky it seems.

Kaito:  “Do you guys really want to continue this killing game!? Are you okay with that!?”

Shuichi:  “…”

Kaito:  “The only way to change things now… is to fight.”

But reckless beauty is what makes new events unfold, of course! Even if this plan is terrible, it’s still better than doing nothing!

Kaito:  “If we don’t stand up now, then when?”

When, indeed? Only once Kaito’s dead from his illness and won’t get to heroically lead the charge to victory? Not a chance.

Tsumugi:  “But we don’t have anyone who can fight… Like Gonta or Tenko—”

Of course we freaking do, we have Maki. And Kaito, supposedly, since he was also one of the big advocates for fighting back in chapter 1. Of course he’s way too sick to really be much use at it right now, but he’s sure as hell going to give it his all not to seem that way.

Maki:  “Then I’ll just have to fight on their behalf.”

Maki realises it! She knows this is one way she can make her talent useful without murdering anyone!

Maki:  “I know an assassin wouldn’t say this, but I’m sick of all this killing.”

Actually, that sounds exactly like something a child-slave assassin who never wanted to be one in the first place would say, Maki.

Keebo:  “My inner voice that guides me when I feel lost spoke to me again… It said, ‘Now is the time to stand and fight.’ It may be a dangerous course of action, but if it will prevent future victims… Then I’ve decided that I will fight Monokuma!”

Keebo is oblivious to the fact that he didn’t decide a damn thing, because his inner voice decided it for him. Conveniently, it’s not going to decide for him that he should use the weapons in his lab so that they can actually win this fight. It just wants to watch an interesting story unfold from here.

Himiko:  “I… don’t want to lose any more friends… It’s even more painful than losing yourself…”

Awww, Himiko! Unfortunately we’re all still not quite done losing friends yet.

Tsumugi:  “… Okay then… me too.”

Tsumugi is the last one to voice her agreement, except for Shuichi. It’s almost like she doesn’t really want to do this in case it does succeed, but she doesn’t want to be the only one not on board and look suspicious.

Maki:  “And when did you guys want to start? I’m fine with starting right away…”

Kaito:  “Well, don’t get ahead of yourself. Because… this’ll be the final battle. We should make sure we’re prepared.”

Maki’s comment that it makes perfect sense to start right away makes Kaito’s words partly come across as an excuse to let there be another day’s worth of free time before the end. In theory, Kaito shouldn’t be willing to drag things out any more than absolutely necessary when he knows he’s on a time limit and isn’t even sure when it will expire – really, he should have gone to Maki’s lab yesterday morning as soon as he thought of the idea instead of wasting all day. I suppose we can imagine that he spent yesterday trying to think of a more clever plan than “just fight him” and didn’t come up with one.

Kaito:  “Well, I’ll take care of that for you guys.”

Maki:  “So you can make preparations, but you can’t clean up after yourself?”

Kaito:  “Well, since I was the one who brought this up, I gotta get things prepared at least… So you guys just gotta prepare yourselves mentally.”

Nonetheless, today’s delay still makes an awful lot of sense within the narrative thanks to Kaito’s issues, because he wants to stress that he’s making the preparations. This is his plan, a very clever and well-thought-out plan that definitely requires him to do all of this important prepwork, and if it wasn’t for him doing all this work then the plan would obviously never happen, right? Despite having just asked for everyone’s help (because he needs them all on board for the actual fighting part), he doesn’t want any help at all with these “preparations”, because he doesn’t want it to seem like any one of them could be doing this and it doesn’t really have to be him.

Kaito:  “The battle’s gonna be tonight! Once it’s nighttime, let’s meet up at the gym!”

It also makes a certain amount of sense to start the fight at nighttime in the gym – because being in the gym at nighttime is against the rules, which should in theory prompt Monokuma to show up and start attacking them.

Shuichi:  (What is this sense of unease…? …It’s because Monokuma is probably two steps ahead of us. …And Kokichi, too.)

Wow, Shuichi, way to have faith in Kaito’s plan.

…Which is kind of the point, actually. Everyone knows Kaito’s plans are haphazard and terrible, even Shuichi, who still looks up to him to the point of having no clue that the root of the current problem between them is on Kaito’s end. The reason Shuichi thought of Kaito as a hero yesterday is because Kaito’s upbeat attitude still helps so much to keep his spirits up even if it’s a façade. He has never stopped being that luminary kind of hero. So it really doesn’t matter whether or not Kaito is also the kind of action hero who can definitely defeat the villain; that never had anything to do with why he’s important to Shuichi and Shuichi doesn’t think any less of him despite knowing he isn’t.

And now for the free time that we ended up with thanks to Kaito’s attempt to make it look like he totally knows what he’s doing.

Maki:  “Kaito’s been going back and forth between the gym and the school building for a while now. I think he wants to prepare for tonight. But when I offered to help, he turned me down.”

If Maki helped Kaito with the preparations, she might be able to recommend which weapons would work best against Monokuma and devise some kind of actual strategy for the fight. It would be a better, less risky plan with Maki’s input. If Kaito were being a good leader, he’d accept her help and delegate the strategising to her. But then, it wouldn’t really be Kaito’s plan any more, right? It’d just be Maki’s plan based on Kaito’s original idea. He can’t have that. Kaito is putting everyone’s lives at greater risk because he’s more fixated on looking like the hero right now than actually being one.

(Shuichi’s input in the plan might also be somewhat useful thanks to his logical mind… but there’s even less chance Kaito would ever ask for his help at the moment.)

Maki:  “…I told him not to overdo it, but he won’t listen to me at all.”

Maki still being worried about his health is adorable, but of course he won’t listen. Kaito is totally fine and definitely not sick and not remotely dying, what are you talking about, Maki Roll.

(And since Kaito’s really going to die anyway no matter what happens, it doesn’t matter at all how much extra pain he puts himself through, right? Helping out everyone else as much as he can is the only thing that’s important any more.)

Right now we can find Kaito on… the creepy floor, for some reason? That floor is not between Maki’s lab and the gym, so it’s not that he could be here as part of the going back and forth Maki just said he was doing. One thing that might make sense is that he’s here in an attempt to avoid Shuichi, since if Shuichi was looking for him (which he might assume is happening, after it became clear last night that Maki also wants them to make up) then this should be the last place Shuichi would expect him to be. Too bad Shuichi has his Protagonist Perk Monopad which tells him where everyone is, Kaito; you didn’t account for that.

(Or possibly Kaito just had a sudden need to cough up blood while near Maki’s lab on the third floor, didn’t have time to run all the way back down to the first floor bathrooms, and so figured that hey, there’s already a bunch of fake bloodstains all over the fourth floor and it’s also pretty dark there, nobody’ll notice another one, right?)

…But Shuichi still has no more idea what to say to Kaito than last time. He doesn’t believe he should apologise, while still assuming very incorrectly that Kaito wants him to, so he’s at an impasse.

Shuichi:  “Maki… I’m sorry…”

This line is new, however. Damn it, Shuichi, it’s not your responsibility. You don’t have anything to apologise for to anyone right now.

And Shuichi says this out loud, probably while Kaito is close enough to hear him, so that’s a fun reminder to Kaito of how he’s hurting everyone he cares about the most right now. Kaito knows Maki wants them to make up already, and now here’s Shuichi apologising for not being able to, when Kaito knows full well it’s really him who should be saying something to Shuichi and that he’s the one causing Maki pain on top of everything else by not having the courage to do so.

I do wonder if it is properly occurring to Kaito that he’s hurting Shuichi with this, though. Hearing Shuichi apologise when he shouldn’t be doing so should make Kaito realise that Shuichi wrongly feels that the responsibility to fix this is on his end. Which should then lead Kaito to realise that something else other than what he’s imagining must be going on in Shuichi’s head. So maybe Kaito doesn’t actually hear Shuichi say this after all. Or he does and is very confused for a moment, but then pushes it aside to keep fixating on his plan anyway rather than thinking at length about what it could mean.

To keep things on a Kaito note, let’s hang out with Himiko first here. Last time, Himiko’s story of her relationship with her master basically caught up to the point that we were at in Shuichi’s equivalent of it. So let’s find out how that story continues from there, shall we?

Shuichi:  “Himiko. There’s something I have to tell you, no matter what happens. […] It’s something about your master.”

As it happens, Shuichi is going to be the one to decide how the story continues based on his assumptions. (Which, since Himiko’s master doesn’t really exist and she’s never going to see him again even though she is going to escape this place, is the best we can get.)

Shuichi:  “Perhaps your master is training in secret, so that he can perform with you again.”

I don’t know exactly how Shuichi came to the decision that this is the way things are. It certainly wasn’t because he has any idea that this is essentially what’s going on with Kaito and is taking an example from that. But… this is essentially what’s going on with Kaito.

Shuichi is saying that Himiko’s master feels like he has to prove himself and be on Himiko’s level before he can perform alongside her once more. That is also exactly why Kaito is fixating so much on his plan to get everyone out of here – why he’s focusing not truly on having the most effective plan, but on having it be his plan and showing that he can be the hero. He feels that if he can prove himself to be just as much of a hero as Shuichi after all, then it’ll make up for his failure back in Gonta’s trial and he’ll finally be able to face Shuichi and look him in the eye again.

Shuichi:  (Himiko’s face didn’t change. She must be thinking the same thing. Maybe just hoping…)

It’s not clear exactly what Himiko is apparently hoping for here. If she’s hoping that her master wants to see her again, she shouldn’t need to hope for that – she should be sure of it! We established last time that Himiko (unlike someone) is aware that her master disappearing wasn’t her fault, which means it should follow that he still cares about her and therefore still presumably wants to fix things and see her again.

I suppose she could be hoping that he’s trying to prove himself and come back because she’s worried he might feel he’s completely unforgivably disgraced himself in front of her and doesn’t deserve to see her again ever no matter how much he tries to improve himself. But, you know, Himiko, I feel like your master is probably too stubborn of a person to completely give up on himself like that. Just a hunch I’ve got about him.

Still, maybe those interpretations are better than that Himiko is already sure her master wants to rejoin her one day, and she’s simply “hoping” in the sense that she’s hoping this is the way he’s going about it, because… this is not a great way for him to be going about it. The best way for him to deal with this situation would be for him to just talk to Himiko again right now, acknowledge that she’s become even better at magic than him, and ask her to teach him. Not only would it bring them together and make them happy again as soon as possible, it would also be the quickest and most effective way for him to improve his magic and get as close to her level as he can. Even if he’s not quite as good as her, he’s still far from worthless at his craft and deserves to perform alongside her. Maybe Himiko would be the headline act, but with her master there too they could still pull off some magic together that Himiko couldn’t do alone!

But that’s not what he’s doing, because apparently, Himiko’s master is kind of an idiot, and maybe a bit of a coward, at least about this.

Himiko:  “I can’t even find my master using my magic. That’s probably because he doesn’t want me to find him.”

Because he knows that fixing this problem is his responsibility and he’s convinced he has to do so by proving himself and making it up to her, so he doesn’t want her to talk to him until then. Because he’s too afraid to leave open the possibility of being forced to admit that he’s a weaker mage than her while he still is a weaker mage than her.

Himiko:  “Maybe he’s training in secret… I thought of that, too.”

It’s also worth noting that Himiko had already considered this possibility for herself, putting her yet again one small step above Shuichi in terms of actually understanding and dealing with her version of this situation.

Shuichi:  “That’s why you’re focused on improving your magic.”

Himiko:  “Nyeh?”

Shuichi:  “Your master is polishing up his magic too, Himiko. To perform with you again. That’s why… you need to continue working hard as a magician.”

That… would not help, actually!!! Since Himiko’s master is idiotically convinced that he needs to be on the same level as her to perform with her again, if Himiko also keeps training while her master is doing so, then when he comes back to her to show her his new skills, she is still going to be better than him, and the problem will not have gone away at all. Not that Himiko should stop trying to improve herself just to give her master a chance to catch up and not look bad next to her, of course – which is precisely why her master’s approach is not how to deal with this problem.

Shuichi:  “Magic tricks are what connect you to your master.”

Himiko and her master are friends! This whole story of hers is tragic because they should still be together performing magic alongside each other and should never have parted ways in the first place!

Himiko:  “…You’re wrong.”

Shuichi:  “Huh!?”

Himiko:  “It’s not magic tricks, it’s real magic!”

Good job slipping up right at the end there, Shuichi. (Reminder that Himiko’s insistence on it being real magic is also something she was inspired to do by her master!)

Shuichi:  “Well, anyway, we have to get out of here soon! So you can perform together!”

Uhhhhhh, yeah, about that. Of these two stories, Himiko’s is somehow going to end up having an even less happy ending than the other one.

Shuichi:  (Himiko and I are both focused on the same goal. Getting out of here. It’s because of our bond that we can stand together like this… If I put my trust in this bond, I know we can overcome anything!)

Yeah, with this bond, you’ll be able to move slightly heavier pieces of rubble next chapter!

For real, though, this is pretty cute, and while something like this would usually feel kind of artificial because the FTE isn’t necessarily canon, this one works reasonably well when you know that Himiko is going to survive and escape from here alongside Shuichi.

In this final free time slot, Kaito is in the gym. There’s no sign of the pile of weapons yet, but we can assume, since Kaito was apparently going to and from Maki’s lab to here so much earlier, that it’s beginning to take shape and we just can’t see it because the game developers were too lazy to draw a half-sized pile of weapons.

Of course, Kaito is still not at all ready to face Shuichi. How can he, when he’s not yet proven himself to be enough of a hero to have the right to?

Let’s talk a little more about how terrible of a way of dealing with things Kaito’s exhibiting here by fixating on proving himself first. Not only was everything I just said about Himiko’s master deliberately phrased to apply to Kaito too, and not only is this actively making his escape plan less likely to succeed because he’s refusing to accept the help of anyone who might actually know what they’re doing, but this also ties in to the whole apology thing.

See, Kaito owes Shuichi an apology for lashing out at him and making Gonta’s trial even harder for him than it already was. That was a genuine bad move on his part. What he doesn’t owe Shuichi an apology for is simply being weaker than him, struggling to accept the truth and not being able to support Shuichi like he’d always promised. It’s not Kaito’s fault that he found that so hard, after all. But the fact that Kaito is focused on proving himself as a hero before he can face Shuichi again and apologise very much indicates that he feels like he also needs to apologise for being weak. After all, how could he ever apologise for being less of a hero than Shuichi while he still is less of a hero? That wouldn’t be a proper apology at all, right? But if he saves everyone first, then he’ll be able to say he’s sorry that he was weaker than Shuichi, but at least he’s a hero now so everything’s okay again!

No, Kaito, that’s not how it should work and you should know that. Being weaker than Shuichi isn’t your fault. He is currently managing to completely fuck up his own principles about apologising in just about every way possible because of his issues about needing to be a hero to his sidekicks no matter what, and it’s pretty delightful.

Shuichi:  (If she saw me like this, Maki would yell at me…)

I mean, really, Maki should be getting mad at Kaito in this situation, Shuichi. He’s the one dealing with this poorly, not you, and Maki is probably sensible enough to realise that on at least some level.

Maki is hanging out in front of the door to the spiral staircase leading to Kaito’s lab, which is pretty close to the gym and therefore yet again tantalisingly close to having the three of them hang out together, if only the game would let you and Kaito wasn’t being this way. I wonder if Maki is here because she’s trying to keep an eye on Kaito and make sure he doesn’t push himself too hard, without making it too obvious to him that that’s what she’s doing.

It’s also the only path into the gym, meaning that if we assume Shuichi really did go to the gym to try and fail to talk to Kaito, Maki would have seen him walk past her and then come back and instead strike up a conversation with her. I bet she’s not happy about that.

Also, given that Shuichi and Maki are about to start hanging out here for a prolonged amount of time, that basically means Kaito has become trapped in the gym, because to leave he’d have to walk past the two of them and risk getting dragged into having to talk to Shuichi. Either that or he’s just going to stubbornly keep ignoring that and will be awkwardly walking to and from the gym in the background carrying weapons while Shuichi and Maki have this conversation. Actually that sounds more like the kind of thing he’d do and I like that option more, let’s pretend that’s happening while we do this.

Maki:  “Tonight, huh…? I don’t know what’ll happen, but I’ll do what I can.”

“What you can” would be a lot more if only Kaito would actually let you help.

Maki:  “Then let’s do some stretches. …You’ll need it.”

Shuichi:  (With Maki leading us, we spent some time training…)

Training! For actual physical-training purposes and not emotional-growth purposes for once! That makes a change.

Shuichi:  “The close friend you mentioned before… I’m sure she’s thinking about you.”

Maki:  “…”

Shuichi:  “…Maki?”

Maki:  “She’s not here anymore. She died.”

God damnit, Tsumugi, you couldn’t give Maki one iota of lasting happiness in her backstory, could you.

Maki:  “After I finished training, I went to see her. She died in a car accident saving a child.”

…Really, though, if she’d still been alive and Maki went to see her again after finishing her training, things would have been pretty awkward with how much Maki had changed. The implication last time was that Maki’s friend had no idea about the whole assassin thing, so she’d suddenly see her best friend seeming empty and lifeless and have no idea why. Maybe in a way it’s better that she never had any idea what Maki had been through. (You know, if she’d existed at all.)

Maki:  “…I was shocked. Why did I endure all that training then?”

God, this has to have sucked, though. Suddenly her biggest reason for having put herself through hell just isn’t there any more. The other kids she also did it for are still there, but.

Maki:  “But… She probably died happy saving someone.”

At least this was a better fate for her friend than what Maki went through, so she still did protect her. Maki’s friend died a hero – something Maki must feel like she’ll never get to be.

(Even though she already kind of is, in a way, because of what she’s done to protect that orphanage. But it’s hard to feel like a hero when you’re also equal parts a villain, “protecting” your loved ones by killing innocent people who have nothing to do with the ones you’re protecting.)

Maki:  “And the memories of her I keep inside me have kept me alive till now. Even the whole orphanage. That’s why… I’ll do everything I can to protect that place.”

Maki pretends to be heartless on the surface in order to cope, but really, everything she does is out of love. She’s such a good selfless murderer.

Maki:  “…You look like you want to say something. Your face is gross, so spit it out already.”

Translation of “gross”: Shuichi is incredibly concerned for her.

Shuichi:  “I was thinking about what I can do. What I can do for you, Maki.”

Maki:  “Huh, for me?”

What does he mean, he wants to do something for her. That’s not how any of this works. She is still so horrendously selfless (and a lot like Kaito in that regard).

Shuichi:  “I was thinking that… you could leave being an assassin behind.”

Maki:  “…”

She doesn’t even respond to that. No “That’d be great if it were possible”, nothing like that. She hasn’t allowed herself to think that it could be possible.

Shuichi:  “Perhaps… I could use my detective skills to investigate the assassin cult?”

Maki:  “That’s impossible.”

Shuichi:  “…You sound awfully sure.”

She’s just told herself that it isn’t, until she believed it herself. The impossible is impossible, so just accept things the way they are and deal with it. Trying to make it possible is pointless and would only lead to more pain.

Maki:  “The world isn’t as simple as you think. It needs assassins to do the dirty work.”

And she’s still trapped in that mindset where killing people is just the necessary way to solve certain problems, since she’s been raised in and spent so long in that world.

Maki:  “Don’t you think you’re being presumptuous?”

Shuichi:  “But Maki, are you okay with that?”

Maki:  “… Your question is unreasonable. How do I even answer that?”

It’s so telling how Maki can’t even respond to that question, because she’s trained herself to think that the question of how she feels about things and whether she is okay with this simply does not matter. Of course she’s not okay with it, but she’s been trapped in her situation with no way out for so long that she’s had no choice but to dismiss and ignore her own desires and feelings and just accept that things can’t be changed, in order to cope. Even with how much she’s grown by now thanks to Kaito and Shuichi, that part of her issues is very much still there.

(This question Shuichi asked is a dialogue option I picked, but it is clearly the most important thing to ask her.)

Maki:  “Why don’t you try to find solutions to problems where it won’t have to lead to murder?”

Shuichi:  “What?”

Maki:  “The people I assassinate aren’t killed for simple reasons. It happens because certain complications occur, and can only be settled with murder. You can… try to reduce the complications.”

No, Maki, that’s not even remotely the easiest way to give you a normal life back! Regardless of how necessary the existence of assassins might be in general, Maki shouldn’t have to do that dirty work. Most assassins are not child slaves and actually chose that profession for themselves for one reason or another, and if anyone needs to do that work, it should only be them. If Shuichi could show proof of the child-slave assassin cult’s deeds to authorities who’d be able to take it down, then at least there would be no more kids being forced to do this against their will. Maki just can’t see it that way, even now that Shuichi might be providing her a way out, because she’s long since convinced herself that the fact that she doesn’t want this is irrelevant.

A lot of characters’ FTEs end with them having developed and grown in some small way thanks to their friendship with the protagonist, but Maki here is still showing a notable lack of growth in this particular department. This part of her issues is something she’s going to overcome in the canon storyline, during trial 5, and so it can’t happen in her FTEs which conclude before then.

Maki:  “And if that happens, I guess I’ll have to quit being an assassin… maybe. No one else can do this. You’re the only one who can do it, okay?”

Honestly, this is Maki being more presumptuous of Shuichi’s abilities than Shuichi was being when he offered to try and take down her one cult. He might be able to make a small reduction in people’s need to solve problems with murder, but it’s pretty inconceivable that he’d be able to change the world so greatly that nobody would ever resort to it any more.

(Good thing that once they actually get out of here, it’s going to turn out that the cult never existed and she never has to kill anyone anyway!)

Maki:  “Well, you are Kaito’s sidekick, so I shouldn’t expect that much from you.”

Ouch. Come on, Maki, don’t you know Kaito only picks people to be his sidekicks when he believes in their potential (to be even greater than him)?

(Please imagine Kaito happening to walk past in the background just in time to hear Maki say this. On the one hand, that’s got to hurt; on the other hand, Maki Roll still thinks Shuichi is his sidekick???)

Shuichi:  “…That goes for you too, right? Aren’t you kind of his sidekick too?”

Finally Shuichi points it out so I don’t have to! Not “kind of”; she’s just as much his sidekick as Shuichi is. Actually more so right now, given the current… complications regarding Kaito’s view of Shuichi.

As a point of interest, thanks to the fact that the training scene which precedes Maki’s third event onwards happens only two free time slots before the end of chapter 4, this final event has to canonically happen during chapter 5. So I wonder if Shuichi is partly saying this as deflection to avoid having to think too much about the question of if he really is Kaito’s sidekick right now.

Maki:  “…Oh, you just had to say that.”

Shuichi:  (Maki faced me with a sly grin. I grinned back.)

Look at them joking about this in a way that makes it clear that they don’t really think being Kaito’s sidekick is a bad thing at all. And look at Maki joking around in general! That’s such a big deal from her.

Shuichi:  (I didn’t think it was possible. The two of us, smiling together. But I know… it’s because Maki and I share a special bond.)

They’re friends! And it’s because they’re both Kaito’s sidekicks! They’d probably never have ended up this close if not for Kaito bringing them together.

Shuichi:  (And I swear on that bond, we will escape together!)

Damn right you will! The narration does not usually make these end-of-FTE thoughts talk about escaping, so the fact that it does so for both Maki’s and Himiko’s is definitely on purpose.

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