#I forgot to post this here e.e

[onlyzhuyilong]

[mari-876]

happy anniversary tamn!!!

thank you all for this amazing experience and THANK YOU @uhohbestie for making this incredible fic <33

[i-am-a-living-god]

Would you...Share the plot of a story/fic/comic you don't think you'll get to but would like the world to know about?

Ok I didn't answer this at first because I didn't think I had an answer. But now I remember that I do!

So about a year ago me and two other people came up with this au that we named evil Splinter au, (very creative I know.) E.S AU for short.

So the premise is exactly what it sounds like. It's a 2012 au, but because the three of us have an unexplained burning hatred for 2012 Splinter, so we made him evil.

So the deal is, Splinter hates kids, and he's racist, against mutants. One problem, he has mutant kids. So naturally, he decides to MURDER ALL OF HIS TURTLE SONS. Bear with me, he gets attached to the idea of having only one son. so he decided to find the strongest, and weed out the weak.

So when the turtles were young (about 4 years old) he thought that Donnie was the strongest, cause he's tall. But when they got older, Splinter realized that tall does not make you strong. He realized this cause Donnie started getting into medicine, which is for losers. So he stopped loving him, and found a new favorite: Leo.

So Leo ran into the kraang when he was a lil guy, and got experimented on or something. He waddled back to the lair, (because they're basically invulnerable, cause if they died we wouldn't have a plot.) Splinter recognized this as strength, and appointed him as him new favorite. Basically, Splinter tries to get his favorite to help him kill the others.

Omg he's so pathetic lol, he needs the help of a literal child to kill other children, which he still fails to do somehow???😭

So Leo kind of is rewired by the kraang to follow orders for them, but they failed to keep him and he immediately escaped. (Plot armor, don't question it!) Because of this, his eyes shift between pink and blue, blue means he's mostly in control, and pink means the kraang-washing is in control.

Donnie ditches and makes friends with April and Casey, and they get into a relationship. He tries to find a way to fix Leo, and save his brothers or something. He doesn't like Mikey cause he's "suspicious" and Donnie thinks he's totally secretly working for Splinter.

Mikey is just totally freaked out, and also ditchs, and befriends leatherhead, and other mutants. He gets a bit paranoid and starts putting little bits of different Poison's in his brothers food, to build an immunity. It works I guess.

Raph has no idea that Splinter is trying to kill them and just thinks that Splinter is giving them some hardcore training, where you even need to be alert while you sleep!

Leo knows exactly what's going on, and tries his best to find loopholes in Splinters commands, and always manges to understand usually the opposite of what Splinter tells him. (I want you to know that this concept started when we were talking about how splinter is cryptic af, and Leo always seems to understand the opposite in the show.) Leo will also often take killing blows for his brothers, that's how they are still alive. Since Splinter doesn't want to kill Leo, he will often stop the swing before it lands of halfway through so Leo doesn't die. Leo basically uses his own body as a shield.

Anyway that's it mostly, we all made a bit of art, and one-shots for this au that never got posted cause it's a shared au, it would be awkward.

Umm I'm literally writing this at 1am, yes I'm aware that this all sounds ridiculous, especially how I'm writing it. But I do like this au, cringe for the winnn!!! There is more lore shit that I can't remember. And a lot of the stuff that we wrote about it was good (not mine though, that was shit.)

So yeah, heres our shitty au. Ta-da!

Oh yeah I forgot to tag @writing-biting who was one of the people who helped make the au lol.

[light-lanterne]

,,,so, did you know that tumblr has a 10-videos-per-post limit ? i didn't x.x

anyway, here's part 2 of this ask. basically i'm rating song recs based on this system and someone send a wonderful, too-long-for-tumblr list of recs so i took screenshots and i'm going through this systematically. feel free to send song recs of your own if you'd like !!

much like before, these are all kpop so perhaps you'll enjoy some of these songs ~

oh no :( please don't misunderstand, i liked the song percy sent. just not something i'd put on my playlist :(( okei, let's see if i like these more u.u

couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

hmm, yeah, this one felt a bit darker than the last one :O loved the hard bass ending, it reminded me of "cactus" by a.c.e (again, i don't know edm terminology so that might be completely wrong x.x )

couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

hey, no >:( what is this. a song with creepy almost-circus-esque vibes at the beginning ? how the heck did you figure out one of my weaknesses ?? >:(

oh well, surprise surprise, angel likes guitars and is skewed by spooky motifs e.e whatever, let's move on,,,

couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ☽ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - performance video for those who want it (warning: flashing lights) ~

hey, i know these guys ~! i never listened to them much but it's nice seeing that they've become their own thing :O isn't their concept that they're travelling through different magical realms in their dreams ? correct me if i'm wrong,,,

anyway, love the hints of darkness in the mv and the music itself. there were some very funky sounds that definitely tickled my brain ~ also, i love a good raspy voice in the chorus :D

couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

you had me at vampires ngl,,, loved the harp melody and the somewhat eery feeling of the video ~ definitely a very chill and sweet song :]

oh no, the pressure is on >.< i hope i like them ;-;

couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

the whiplash of going from the enhypen song to this,,, not even an intro to prepare x.x

anyway, yay !! i love heavy whatever-genre-of-edm-this-is (not even going to try anymore ;-; ) with the horns and alarms blaring and all that so woo :D

couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ☽ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - stompy dance practice video for those who want it ~

been a while since i watched a dance practice video so i forgot how much i enjoyed the synchronized stomps and claps :] again, no idea how to call this subgenre of electronic music but i really like it ! super energetic and fun :D

couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

thoughts before the chorus: oh, this sounds a little familiar :O maybe saw it on some award show live,,,

thoughts after the chorus: oh, it's the song one of my now-gone neighbours used to blast at seven am every day for the entirety of one summer,,,,,

:(

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ☽ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

and that's it !! thank you for taking the time to compile and send this ~ sorry it took me a day to get to it but hey !! i definitely had a lot of fun and found a couple songs / artists i'm totally not going to obsess over for at least a week :]

thanks again for the ask ~ hope you have a wonderful day or night :D

[ppgxrrblove]

I am honestly glad monster high is officially been killed...the cgi child like reboot was okay, I didn't have a problem with it at all, it fit the target audience 100%

but the new reboot they're doing is just a woke, satanic - well woke is satanic in its core definition, if your a Christian you'll understand this, for those who don't understand - Satan, lucifer is woke himself. All of the woke hot garbage agenda comes from him, "shocking I know" lol - anyway, back to the topic; they changed possibly more characters personality, changed who they are originally to fit the woke agenda they even changed one or more character sex - to again please the woke sex cult, to be exact...and I honestly believed back in the day till this date..until I found out through reddit fanatics that it has always been a theory including the doll community as well - that it was true that clawdeen is bisexual, and...I forgot the rest lol cause of this ugly as heck live action movie, it was the only reason how I remembered this old news discussion.

But as I stated already it was false, it was made up by the fanatics that desperately wanted to project their personal life styles onto a children's TV show a bunch of adults - don't try to make up excuses that teenagers were the ones that asked for this a lot of times when they weren't, I still remember those early day comments and majority of the children viewing MH were more interested in how the show progressed, who Frankie gonna ditch next, or who she is gonna actually end up with, to making a huge stack of monster high oc - that's what majority of the children that watched MH were focused on, yes I know of the woke parents indoctrinated they're children towards their woke ideologies, that they will be asking for such stuff, however, they weren't as many as the regular child audience.

Nonetheless, it doesn't surprise me that the creator of MH is lgbt, - I found out by the time the lady gaga doll collab released, it hit me right there and then - of course, the books "hinting" it honestly more like treasure hunting hiding it because nick ain't about that life at said time this was occuring, they don't want to get again caught by grooming situation *cough* icarlycreatorandpeopleonnick , but yeah, i can see why they told the groomer - I mean creator for MH to not put that into the children's TV show back in the day...until they broke it off this year with loud house..really terrible show, I believe there may have been a before first lgbt stuff on nick content?? But that's the only one that I believe was the first time they've done that towards going on with there other grooming tactics lol.

Now the gromreator...trying to fuse groom + creator here e.e....not working, creating a monster name hahaha....- had stated on his Instagram that he was just gonna slap all types of grooming(making the entire cast well some of them, lgbt) content originally for MH but nick again didn't want to around said time - they need to rail in those fishes before they do such acts. So knowing that this happened...it sucks cause I love monster high, my first favorite monsti was Frankie stien until I learned about her just being a terrible, cheap dollar teenage whore...yeah...once you realize this- it..it don't look right even if they try to 'fix' it by potentially making her love interest be that unicorn Grey rainbow hair guy - sadly it didn't even last, like jeez they really destroyed her character on the relationship department and back then up until before this entire reboot live thing occurred people despised the heck out of Frankie and now people love her(note; reddit go to r/monsterhigh and scroll past until you find the post about Frankie being none binary - look at the comment section, and I do believe there is another one as well discussing it too) - not kidding, because she is none binary..because of that..they will ditch the real og Frankie- accept..like you're just trying to half butt clean a stain that has been left there for too long mate - it ain't gonna work for those who can see, smell the pandering, and yes they should've created a new character for that instead of grabbing an already existing character which really does fit with draculaura but we shall get to her in a minute, - fairly it doesn't really matter the real Frankie, will always be a skank, and a terrible ghoul nothing that you do will change about this character.

After me accepting that Frankie is like this, I drifted apart from the series, but, I did try my best to keep up with it by rewatching each web episode on their website back in the day. Thanks to me rewatching the episodes my love for drac, blew up - like drac, Gothic Victorian, Lolita cutie pie drac stole me away - I drew all my attention towards her until they gave her a wrong "boyfriend" ..sigh..I had hoped it would be someone else but yeah not into the whole pairing sorry, and clawdeen as well - I fell in love with her she was adorable, sassy and what made me love her even more was the matter of her being into fashion - her story progressing in the France movie was really sweet..but, that's not to state that I didn't like any of her outfits she wore cause boy oh there were times that i just couldn't stand some of the outfits at all she wore. I loved some but others ew.

Now in the live action, as I stated before I would be mentioning said quote i mentioned how they should have created a new character instead of stinking being lazy pieces of poop and taking an already beloved established character..again this a reboot to the series so..it doesn't surprise me but it disgusts me. They already *have* a witch character, so what do they do with draculaura? For those who don't know yet, they swapped her entire characteristic of what she does - just slap the witch gross sticker on her and call it a day..I am not gonna lie that I was upset about it but I already had moved on from it since i know that will never be og draculaura, even though..in the game that I have for MH I find out that she vegan..I forgot about her profile bio it's been so long and my memory ain't well at times, so me realizing it again, is yeah..not into her being vegan like I get it she's trying to avoid blood but she can still eat meat just cooked - i never understood why she couldn't eat cooked meat..- it doesn't have no blood at all lol plus it's coming from animals.. while clawdeen got 0 problems eating meat with the rest of the characters as well as ghoulia being a zombie xD - it just I don't get it.

...With that being stated, I am done here, MH was a good show, it was fine while it lasted for me, now I have since moved on from it..though I will never move on from my favorite ghouls, I already have cut ties with media that has woke imagery in it..that includes og MH it had way too much of it, now the new one is gonna have a ton on blast it's just not my tea anymore, I rather continue following the lord then just engross myself with something that is vile.

[robogenko]

All those horny Jester X King posts got to my head and I made another Fable AU and OC. Even though technically Jesters would have probably well fallen out of fashion by the events of Fable 3, it's fantasy so.. I'll do what I want haha. It was originally just meant to be horny and fun when I came up with the character and foist him on King Logan, but nothing is ever that simple with that man. It didn't take long for things to turn bitter sweet and.... I've yet to get to the horny bits e.e Oh well.

Anyway, here's Lute. They discarded their name and pronouns when they became a performer. Picking up their new handle based on their most prominent skill. Their services were 'gifted' to Sparrow and their family a couple years before Logan became King, so they were all fairly young when Lute came around. Lute themself was similar in age to Logan when they began performing for the Hero family. They loved playing and singing for the young siblings and got along very well with the whole family.

They also develop a crush on Logan that they know is impossible. They keep it to themself for years, knowing that performing for him, and joking with him, and being a confidant is the closest that he'll ever be allowed to be. So he does everything he can to retain his position, constantly expanding their skills and training their body for acrobatic performances in addition to his musical and witty talents, as well as becoming well-versed in affairs of state. Spending all his spare time becoming irreplaceable to the newly crowned monarch.

On Logan's end, he and the jester became fast friends due to their similarity in age and that they both enjoy music. Lute "coincidentally" knew how to play all of Logan's favorite songs, and they actively encouraged him to sing or play along. Spending time playing together and joking around. There may have also been some clandestine 'fooling around'. Alas, youth is the same no matter where you go. However, as it became clear he would likely have to take on the responsibilities of ruler sooner, rather than later, the ever dutiful eldest son began to pull away from Lute in an effort to appear more mature, and began spending more time in burying himself in his studies and physical training.

Lute stays faithful and loyal to Logan throughout his reign. Even after Logan's encounter with the Crawler in Aurora changed him so dramatically. The changes only seem to embolden Lute in trying to take even better care of him. Placing themself as often as possible as someone who can be turned to in even the darkest night.

That's about all I have for them now. Hopefully I'll draw some more of these two, cause I find the dynamic really interesting (and desperately tragic). Oh! Also, they didn't start drawing the teardrop in their make up until after Logan came back from Aurora. That's a fun tidbit.

And in case the writing isn't legible on those two with lyrics here's what they say:

"When you laugh, I forget that it's about me. But it's alright, Yeah 'cause being your punchline still is something..."

"And I remember every song, You used to sing along, but I forgot you changed at all"

[mingi-bubu]

hi! I started watching love o2o and if it’s not too much trouble, could you give me a quick summary of ep3 please? the secondhand embarrassment when erxi said she was luwei weiwei was too much :( (if u were wondering I found your blog thru recents from the tag haha) tysm, have a great day!

ahh hiii!!!  yeah i definitely get where you’re coming from adkfslk i love erxi but sometimes im just like...ma’am, this is a kroger you know?

but okay so im assuming you mean the second half of the episode since you mention erxi using weiwei’s handle?

so like yiran’s cousin thinks erxi is weiwei now and wow i am sick of that guy but anyways.  erxi tells weiwei that she forgot the handle that weiwei told her and ended up using “luwei weiwei” and ww is like “it’s fine i’ll just use one of my sub-account handles” but erxi continues on saying that there was a weird guy in there with meng yiran but he was good looking.  And he looked upset about her mentioning she’s ‘luwei weiwei’.

the rest is under a read more

nai had ditched september (i’m really sorry i dont remember the other man’s name, i just call him that bc of the first episode.  i think his last name is ‘yu’?) but anyway he had ditched him and is waiting in the lobby when september comes out of the elevator looking for him.  reports that he had to wait in line for the bathroom.  nai smiles (!!!) but then says that it’s time to go.  september stops him and goes “wait what did yiran say?  did she confess her love?”

nai puts his hand on sept’s shoulder and says, “If you used your imagination on game design, I’d be more pleased.”  september teases him a bit more and then nai turns and sees weiwei waiting for sisi and xiaoling to finish their interviews.  his face does the thing that he does whenever he sees her and he like gets all soft.  september sees weiwei too but he thinks its his lucky day that he sees both the campus belle and the department belle.

nai pretends he doesnt know what sept means and so he gives nai the rundown on her.  her name is bei weiwei, last year there was a campus belle contest and she came in second, etc. and nai looks at her like this :]

september notices this and is like e.e why you uh, why you smiling bud?  nai says the name fits her and sept jokes about how he should buy a lottery ticket since its the first time hes heard nai say a girl’s name.

the girls are walking back to campus and weiwei realizes she has tutoring and we see that cao guang is there too bc weiwei is proving to him about his pictures that he was wrong.  we see that the place is expenisve looking and weiwei does a special knock to let xiaoyang, the kid she’s tutoring, it’s her.  hes in an automated wheelchair and is very unimpressed by cao guang.  hes 12.  theres a lot of shots of cao guang looking at weiwei with like...puppy eyes and im over it.  xy asks ww for a drink and she leaves xy and cg in the room.

they get to chatting and xy drags cg for filth.  i love this kid, he’s hilarious. when weiwei comes back he says that he would rather not learn english but if he has to he can find someone else.  as they leave, xiaoyang wants to talk to weiwei privately and asks if he’s weiwei’s boyfriend.  she says no and he’s like you should find love though.  here’s someone i think you would like. and shows her a picture of xiao nai.

at the end of the episode, cao guang deletes the post and apologizes to her and we are hit with outtro.  also this was really long im sorry i know you said short so

----

tl;dr: nai saw weiwei at the yiran’s uncle’s office and went all gooey-eyed in front of his friend and then weiwei took cao guang with her to her tutoring session to prove that she didn’t doctor the photo she had given him.  we learn that the kid she tutors is in a wheelchair but is incredibly smart and likes gaming and hates cao guang.  okay, well at least gets the heebie jeebies from him.  after the session is over, cao guang tells weiwei that he deleted the post and apologized to her.

[roccoroks]

Dag volume 4 ok its been a while now since i updated my dag post sooooooo.... its time its been a few weeks or so and i have had a meriade of dumb fucks roll through here but non was as big of a cluster fuck as this family! this guy was a grade a prostitues asshole cover in warts and his family were more needy than Alec Baldwin is a man child. it happened at the Grand Rod Run a few weeks back and it has taken me some time to sit down and type this up soo... 9/13/2013 3pmish its was another rod run, the parking lot was packed and i was maning the helm and sitting on 2 rooms left to rent for the night. i wanted them gone fast so i could flip the "no"sign on and sit down and continue vectoring a project i was working on. *dag walks in with a walk of arogance...no shit, just sunters in like he fucking owns the place or like he is the fucking president or some shit* me- good afternoon, welcome to the RSML (RiverSide Motor Lodge) dag- wheres johny me- (fucking dick, must be one of johnys friends) im sorry johny no longer works for us (because i fired his ass! mawahahahha) dag- cute, wheres he at, i need a room. me- -.- (hurrr we go) well like i said he is no longer with the company, we changed hands back in march and my aunt and myself are now the new owners of the property. we felt that he was holding the business back and loosing us money so i let him go. dag- look, i know the rutine, john told you to say he no longer works here so he can take the show off. but what i need you to do is call him so i can get my usual rate, i drove 9 hours to get here and im very tired and want a room. *dags family walks in, a fat wife with 2 small children with here. one stuck in a fat roll the other in perpetual orbit around her midsection like one of jupitur's moons* me- (wow, this guy might be retarted) sir as i already explained to you, johny no longer works, or is in any way a acting manager or affiated with RSML. i have his discharge papers in the back if you would like to see them, i am one of the new owners here and would be more than happy to help you. (there, see i can be a nice guy) dag- wtf do you mean he is no longer affiliated with you, hes the owner! (this is a very comon thing, johny told everyone he was the owner im guessing to get laid or some shit and now he has like 30 people who expect to stay for free now) me- -.- sir he was never the owner, he was our gm, if he told you other wise he was a lier and this was one of the reasons he was let go. he was costing us almost 100,000 a year due to bad management and pour business skills so we elected to not rehire him. dag- so johnys not the owner... me- (for reals bro? dafuq you not understand ingrish?) never was.....e.e >>>>~~~~~~ dag- well... i need a room, john always saved me one for the rod run. me- (tough shit, im putting you in one of the fuck huts where the bed is covered in semen and used rubbers) yes sir i have 2 rooms left, both of them 1 queen jacuzzi suites. dag: i have 2 kids and my wife with me, we all cant sleep in a 1 queen suite, i need a bigger room me- (first off, thats a marine creature, not a wife and those two parasitic lampray you call kids can sleepoutside for all i care) im sorry sir but those are the only rooms i have, now they do have a pull out couch you can use. next year you may want to make reservations with us to garuntie what room you get. dag- well it willhave to do. how much, remeber johny usually gives me a really good rate. me- (i dont give a good god damn if johny sucked your dick everynight before you went to bed!) the room is 165.00 plus tax dag- wtf johny only charges me 59.95 a night when i come up here!!! me- hince why we fired him dag- this is out ragous! (watch this dumb motherfucker will still pay it) me- (no your wife is out ragous! just look at that magestic beast!) im sorry but those are the rates. (buy this time the kids are teasing my parrot, we have a 27 year old parrot that has been in the business since we open. on his cage in 3 different places it says *danger, the bird bites!*. so naturaly the little shits are trying to poke him) me- you might wont to stop your kids from sticking there fingers in the cage, the bird bites. dag- for 165 we should beable to take the bird home! me-(what ever, chances are they will be just as retarted as you anyway, whats the lose of a few fingers) ok but if they get bit its on you *iring him up andhand him his keys to his sestpool* *on the way out the door, i hear a sharp, squeal from a small child. the one that was stuck in the manaties fat roll had worked her hand free and stuck it in the bird cage. peppy, our bird, took offence to this and bit the shit out of her finger. oh yes....there was blood.....* dag- your fucking bird just bit my kid! me- ( /).- not shit...the bird bit her.,....just like i said she would... WELL FUCK ME IM SHOCKED! I CANT BELIVE THAT HAPPENED AFTER I SAID IT WOULD! PRAISE BE TO JESUS! IF A FUCKING MIRICALE.... dumbass) sir if you will remeber and also read one of the many signs on the cage, i said the bird bites and you may want to restrain your kids from sticking there fingers in there. dag- you should have a bird that bites in your main lobby, its a liability. me- (so is having a walrus follow you around, i hear its mating season and they can get testy when horny) well most people dont stick there fingers in a cage with signs on it that say * danger, this bird bites* on it. dag- what about kids? what do you do about that? me- I TELL THERE PARENTS NOT TO LET THEM DO THAT JUST LIKE I DID WITH YOU (YOU DUMB FUCK) dag- *evil look* me- *eviler grin* (your move bitch....) *dag walks out with out further conflict* -2 HOURS LATER- *phone rings* me-.........no....were full.....im not answering *ring,ring,ring* me- i swear the fuck to god that i will set you on fire if you say "do you have any rooms left" *ring ring ring* me- i get it...for fuck sake......*ahem* rsml dag- hey me- yes sir dag- we aint got no sheets, for 165 a night i expect to have extra sheets. me- have you checked the drawers in the.... dag- yes we looked everywhere me- (how about your wifes fat ass? huh, didnt think so) ok no problem we have them down here in the office. dag- run me up a set *hangs up* me-.....dafuq? FUCK YOU! *goes back to reading "the fall of five" and eating m&m's* 30 MINS LATER *dag walks in* dag- hey, wheres my sheets? i thought i told you to run them up to me me- im sorry i must have forgot (FUCK YOU AND YOUR SHEETS) *dags family walks in, goes to the pool to swim* dag- you mean i have to actually come down to get the sheets i need? me-im sorry for the trouble but im the only one here right now and cant leave the desk dag- fine....ill get the sheets later then. *dag walks out to the pool* -later that day_ me- *looking at the security cams in the pool area* ....und her vee hove zee megestic hoomp back whale in ur natural habilitat. und watch as shee floots gracafully true ze wotur......*phone rings*....damn it! thats was a spot on Jacques Cousteau impression! *anwers phone* me- front desk guest- yes my daughter was just down there and she went to the ladies room and she said it was so dirty that she felt like she needed a shower me-(oh no...thats not good...no no no no no!) im sorry mam i will go and look into that right now guest- she said it was like a wild animal was in there me-.....O.O (the shebeast!) yes mam i wil....... guest- she says it was everywher me- mam guest- the nastiest me- maaaam guest- like a bomb went of me- MAM! guest- yes? me- ill take care of that. guest- ok thank you me- *click!* me-..... this can only mean one thing.....the shebeast....she took a duce! *gets up to check bathroom, upon entering venting area im hit with a fragrance of shit so foul that im sure that it could make satan himself say "GAWD DAYUM!"* me- holy fuckers! *opens womens room door* me-....O.O.....mother of god...... *im not sure who or what was in there but this is what i imagin happened* Poultrygeist Night of the Chicken Dead fat guy crapping - YouTube me- im sooooo not cleaning this up...... *locks doors and goes home*

[onelittlebookgeek]

Book Challenge 2019 - I DID IT!

Hi guys, after tracking all the books I’ve read here from 2013-2016, I completely forgot this whole thing for more than 3 years! Sorry!!

No fear though: I’m back! Even though 2019 has almost ended, I’ll make sure this post correctly reflects the whole of 2019!

Since it’s already the end of October, I do feel like I have some hindsight vision into my reading pace this past year, but before I mention how it actually went, I want to explain my original expectations! So 2019 for me is the year I’m finishing my Classics Bachelor Degree in July and the year I’ll be studying abroad for one term from September to December (I’m doing two degrees, so I’ll still be doing my English degree after Classics!). So for my reading, I’d expected not to read a lot. Perhaps for my thesis some books on the subjects and of course for English my course work. So my original reading goal was 50 books!

Looking back on these expectations I must say I’ve read a great deal more than I expected! Writing my thesis did include reading a lot of books and other course work had more reading than I thought I would which boosted my challenge in the first half of the year! Of course, I’ve also read quite a lot during the holidays because what else is there to do in the holidays :D? Regarding my studying abroad experience, I’m reading more than I expected. This is partly because the course work is again much more based on reading books than articles or just parts of book. At the same time, I’m doing less studying than I used to do back home, so I have more time free to do some casual reading. On top of that - since I’m walking everywhere here - I’ve started listening to audiobooks which also adds a couple to the challenge.

So my challenge became 80 books! But I had already surpassed before November, so that’s great! I’d expressed my hopes to read 100 books this year as well, but out of fear of not making that I hadn’t changed my goals. Seeing as of now (mid-November), I’ve already read 93 books I feel confident I can read at least 7 more until a 100, so I’ve changed my goal to read 100 books

The crossed book is the one I’m currently reading, I’ve written reviews for books that have a (x) behind them; the (x) is a link to my Goodreads review!

Update: Today (December 31) I’ve read 135 books so I’ve finished my challenge!!  Let’s see where the rest of this year brings me :D!

January

The Oresteia - Ted Hughes (4/5) (x)

The Sign of Four (Sherlock Holmes #2) - Arthur Conan Doyle (3/5)

The Suffragettes - Various (3/5)

The Poems of Phillis Wheatley - Philils Wheatley (3/5) (x)

Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, An American Slave - Frederick Douglass (3/5)

Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl: Written by Herself - Harriet Ann Jacobs (4/5)

February

Darius the Great is Not Okay - Adib Khorram (5/5)

A Disquisition on Government - John C. Calhoen (2/5)

March:

‘s Nachts verdwijnt de wereld - Jaap Robben (Dutch) (4/5)

Public Opinion - Walter Whitman (3/5)

Sum: Forty Tales from the Afterlives - David Eagleman (5/5) (x)

Zalig Uiteinde - Viktor Frölke (Dutch) (2/5)

Vampire Academy (Vampire Academy #1) - Richelle Mead (reread) (4/5)

Frostbite (Vampire Academy #2) - Richelle Mead (reread) (4/5)

Language and Power - Paul Simpson (3/5)

Language Change: Progress or Decay? - Jean Aitchison (3/5) (x)

Shadow Kiss (Vampire Academy #3) - Richelle Mead (reread) (4/5)

April:

Blood Promise (Vampire Academy #4) - Richelle Mead (reread) (4/5)

A Latin Lover in Ancient Rome - W.R. Johnson (2/5) (x)

The Waste Land - T.S. Eliot (5/5) (x)

Propertius: Elegies - Propertius (ed. Hutchinson) (2/5) (x)

Propertius: A Critical Introduction - J.P. Sullivan (3/5)

Waiting for Godot - Samuel Beckett (4/5) (x)

Lanny - Max Porter (4/5) (x)

Between the Acts - Virginia Woolf (5/5) (x)

Roman Propertius and the Reinvention of Elegy - Jeri Blair DeBrohun (1/5)

Yukon Ho! (Calvin and Hobbes #3) - Bill Watterson (4/5) (x)

Emancipating Lincoln - Harold Holzer (3/5)

The Lonely Londoners - Sam Selvon (1/5) (x)

May:

Pale Fire - Vladimir Nabokov (5/5) (x)

The Shadow of Callimachus: Studies in the Reception of Hellenistic Poetry at Rome - Richard Hunter (2/5)

Literary and Artistic Patronage in Ancient Rome - Barbara K. Gold (3/5)

White Trash: The 400-Year Untold History of Class in America - Nancy Isenberg (2/5) (x)

Act of Justice: Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation and the Law of War - Burrus M. Carnahan (3/5)

Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation: The End of Slavery in America - Allen C. Guelzo (3/5)

June:

Apollo, Augustus and the Poets - John F. Miller (2/5) (x)

Oryx and Crake (MaddAddam #1) - Margaret Atwood (3/5) (x)

Circe - Madeline Miller (4/5) (x)

Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief (Percy Jackson #1) - Rick Riordan (reread) (4/5)

Callimachus and his Critics - Alan Cameron (2/5)

July:

Elegies - Propertius (5/5)

Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters (Percy Jackson #2) - Rick Riordan (reread) (4/5)

Er was er eens en er was er eens niet - Judith Herzberg (Dutch) (1/5)

Percy Jackson and the Titan’s Curse (Percy Jackson #3) - Rick Riordan (reread) (4/5)

A Room of One’s Own - Virginia Woolf (5/5) (x)

Red, White and Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston (4/5) (x)

The Book of Extraordinary Deaths - Cecilia Ruiz (3/5)

The Ballad of Reading Gaol and Other Poems - Oscar Wilde (4/5)

The Epic of Gilgamesh (3/5)

Much Ado About Nothing - William Shakespeare (5/5)

Percy Jackson and the Battle of the Labyrinth (Percy Jackson #4) - Rick Riordan (reread) (5/5)

Percy Jackson and the Last Olympian (Percy Jackson #5) - Rick Riordan (reread) (5/5)

The Peloponnesian War, Book 2 - Thucydides (3/5)

The Picture of Dorian Gray - Oscar Wilde (5/5)

August:

A Court of Mist and Fury (A Court of Thorns and Roses #2) - Sarah J. Maas (reread) (4/5)

Hold Your Own - Kate Tempest (4/5)

Slimy Stuarts - Terry Deary (3/5)

Orlando - Virginia Woolf (5/5) (x)

Silence of the Girls - Pat Barker (3/5) (x)

Songs of Innocence and Experience - William Blake (4/5)

Windharp: Poems of Ireland since 1916 - Coll. by Niall MacMonagle (4/5)

Kaas - Willem Elsschot (Dutch) (1/5)

Goblin Market - Christina Rossetti (4/5)

Brand New Ancients - Kate Tempest (3/5)

September:

The Fall of Arthur - J.R.R. Tolkien (3/5)

Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck (4/5)

The Bees - Carol Ann Duffy (4/5)

Poems - Allen Ginsberg (5/5)

Spirit Bound (Vampire Academy #5) - Richelle Mead (reread) (4/5)

Last Sacrifice (Vampire Academy #6) - Richelle Mead (reread) (4/5)

Callirhoe and Caereas - Chariton (3/5)

Bartleby the Scrivener - Herman Melville (3/5)

Benito Cereno - Herman Melville (4/5)

October:

Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, An American Slave - Frederick Douglass (4/5)

Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl: Written by Herself - Harriet Ann Jacobs (2/5)

An Absolutely Remarkable Thing - Hank Green (4/5)

Song of Myself - Walt Whitman (4/5) (x)

Walt Whitman and Emily Dickinson: Poetry of the Central Consciousness - Salsa Agnieszka (3/5)

A Thousand Ships - Natalie Haynes (4/5) (x)

Roderick Hudson - Henry James (4/5) (x)

All That She Can See - Carrie Hope Fletcher (3/5) (x)

The Priory of the Orange Tree - Samantha Shannon (4/5)

All the Crooked Saints - Maggie Stiefvater (3/5) (x)

Daphnis and Chloe - Longus (3/5)

The Maltese Falcon - Dashiell Hammett (1/5) (x)

November:

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn - Mark Twain (2/5) (x)

Lily and the Octopus - Steven Rowley (4/5) (x)

First World War Poems from the Front (4/5)

If We Were Villains - M.L. Rio (4/5) (x)

The Republic - Plato (2/5) (x)

Observations - Marianne Moore (5/5)

Poems (1930) - W.H. Auden (2/5) (x)

The Professor’s House - Willa Cather (1/5) (x)

Becoming - Michelle Obama (4/5)

The Outsider - Albert Camus (4/5)

Three Poems - Hannah Sullivan (3/5)

Leucippe and Clitophon - Achilles Tatius (4/5)

The Book of Mirrors - Frieda Hughes (3/5) (x)

Sophist - Plato (5/5) (x)

Selected Poems - E.E. Cummings (4/5)

A Raisin in the Sun - Lorraine Hansberry (4/5)

The Beats (A Very Short Introduction) - David Sterrit (4/5)

The Cat Inside - William S. Burroughs (5/5)

The Seven Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle - Stuart Turton (4/5) (x)

Kindred - Octavia E. Butler (4/5)

Remains of Elmet - Ted Hughes (3/5) (x)

Dear Boy - Emily Berry (1/5) (x)

The Merchant of Venice - Willaim Shakespeare (3/5)

Pnin - Vladimir Nabokov (4/5)

How to Be a Woman - Caitlin Moran (2/5) (x)

The Lost Continent: Travels in Small-Town America - Bill Bryson (3/5)

December

Tracks - Louise Erdrich (3/5)

Derrida (A Very Short Introduction) - Simon Glendinning (x)

Ariel - Sylvia Plath (5/5)

London Triptych - Jonathan Kemp (3/5)

Two Cures for Love - Wendy Cope (5/5)

Citizen: An American Lyric - Claudia Rankine (4/5)

Magnus Chase and the Ship of the Dead (Magnus Chase #3) - Rick Riordan (4/5)

The Vegetarian - Han Kang (4/5)

Selected Poems - Philip Larkin (3/5)

Kid - Simon Armitage (1/5) (x)

The Children Act - Ian McEwan (4/5)

On Chesil Beach - Ian McEwan (3/5) (x)

The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger (4/5) (x)

Naked Lunch - William S. Burroughs (4/5)

Man met hoed - Lieke Marsman (3/5) (Dutch) (x)

Koffers Zeelucht: Gedichten - Hagar Peeters (Dutch) (4/5)

Selected Poems - Gregory Corso (3/5)

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone - J.K. Rowling (reread) (5/5)

Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen (reread) (5/5)

Erotic Poems - E.E. Cummings (3/5)

Twelfth Night - William Shakespeare (reread) (4/5)

Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? - Edward Albee (2/5)

Carry On - Rainbow Rowell (reread) (4/5)

My 2016 challenge

My 2015 challenge

My 2014 challenge

My 2013 challenge

[wholehearted-ifyoureoutthere]

The only thing I myself have posted here was L.L. stuff?? I realized there was another E and changed to E.S. but okay. Forgot that everything is always about you and the others. If you want to talk to me, accuse me, insult me, rage at me, DM me. You know my shit and unlike you all I have my stuff open. -E.S.

~

[booksbroadwaybbc]

A Letter to Young Adults and People-Pleasers via /r/selfimprovement

A Letter to Young Adults and People-Pleasers

“People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” - Carl Gustav Jung

❀

It was a quiet, unsuspecting Friday night. I was scrolling through blog poetry blog posts munching on a chicken sandwich from a fast food place. 

As whenever I am immersed in good writing, I was in a pensive mood. But when I encountered a piece of prose written by E.E. Cummings, my sandwich was soon dotted with tears.

As a highly sensitive person, my emotions never reside too far from the surface of my demeanor. It only took a few sentences of candid prose to open the gateway to tears and reminiscence, but these words also happened to address one of the biggest inner challenges that colored my life as a young person:

​

“A poet is somebody who feels, and who expresses his feelings through words.

This may sound easy. It isn’t.

A lot of people think or believe or know they feel — but that’s thinking or believing or knowing; not feeling. And poetry is feeling — not knowing or believing or thinking.

Almost anybody can learn to think or believe or know, but not a single human being can be taught to feel. Why? Because whenever you think or you believe or you know, you’re a lot of other people: but the moment you feel, you’re nobody-but-yourself.

To be nobody-but-yourself — in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else — means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”

​

I was transported back to a college classroom with new-smelling black plastic swivel chairs, and a tall portly man with kind eyes sitting in front of me. Every lecture with Professor M was a revelation on consciousness, jazz, and the socioeconomic implications of artificial intelligence, but that wasn’t the only reason why I loved him as a professor.

He puts down my first assignment and looks at me. “Why, you’re an artist.”

To my surprise, I choked up. I didn’t know why I was fighting back tears. Perhaps it was because I remembered sitting in the backseat of the car as my mother told me that she decided to end my art lessons so that I could focus harder on my studies. Perhaps it was because my Asian immigrant family taught me to believe that adopting a profession other than that of a lawyer, doctor, or engineer was a disgrace to the family and all their sacrifices. Maybe it was because I had been trying so hard. 

However, I think it was because a near-stranger could see so clearly what I had always been.

I am someone who feels, but I had tried everything to be anything else.

It has been five years since that encounter, and it is with great happiness that I announce not changes in my life, but rather growth. Change is an immutable current, the pulse of time. Growth, however, only occurs when one takes life by its horns. Growth is intention fleshed out by action.

Change happens with or without your say. Growth is having the courage to accept this with grace and move forward.

​

Here is a letter I wrote for those who feel and for those who forgot how to. I hope you are able to accept yourself with grace:

​

I want to address young adults ages fourteen to twenty-nine, as well as all young adults older, because you are at a time when the world is opening up for your exploration. You can choose to learn about anything, to become, to try, to fail, and to develop resilience rooted in self-worth--something neither your parents nor your money could ever buy.

However, unlike your parents, you have the infinite utility of the internet to guide you. Time, on the contrary, is limited, but you have more now than you will ever have. And don’t worry about rushing art, both your life and your creations. The best things in this world are done with mindful effort--not in rushed breathlessness but rather daily action.

You are also at a time when everyone is trying to claim a stake in who you are, if they haven’t already stuck their flags in a few plots. I want to warn you of the danger that is letting too many people stake a claim.

Sometimes a temporary hold is beneficial: you’re obtaining wisdom from a beloved mentor, are inspired by a particular art piece or artist, or you’re modeling your business or path after another’s success. You embrace these holds of your own volition, and they slip away as you grow so that you can move onto things that better suit the newer you. They never try to change you; they only stay until they are no longer of use.

Perhaps a handful remain for your entire life because they are that wonderful.

Remember--the best things never detract from who you are, but merely guide you to realizing your wholeness.

You know they’re the best ones when they grow more beautiful with age. For most people wisdom, compassion, and their calling are such claims.

However, not all claims are beneficial or benign. Others, disguised as Love, will attempt to stake their claims in you when prompted by their ego, a faithful servant of Fear and Lack.

Instead of trusting you, which is an unexpectedly difficult thing to do (especially for adults), they control you in an attempt to feel whole. It is not a fault, inability, or incompleteness on your part.

When someone does not recognize their own wholeness, they will try to fill the perceived emptiness with pieces from other people or other things. And that only leads to destruction.

The world is filled with people who have forgotten their wholeness, who have allowed too many people to stick poles in them. Then, one sullen day, they realize that they are only left with a small piece of themselves, while the flags of others are waving in the wind as far as their eye can see.

If you find that you are one of those people, it is not too late. You have time and strength, but what’s most important is the desire to reclaim who you are. 

Fortunately, the moment you refuse to let others take claim on your soul, the flags stop being planted. After that, it is merely a process of unearthing them, and refilling the holes with fresh soil. After some time, the land heals, and you can begin planting whatever species of flower or tree your heart desires. 

Poets, artists, philosophers, feelers and creators--they are the ones who notice the flags. They know how to build high fences to prevent stake-claimers from trampling on their saplings, but also know the importance of opening their garden to others. When people come to admire the rows of sunset-hydrangeas dotted with dew, the protective oaks, the carefully-trimmed rose bushes, they are reminded of how colorful and precious their own wholeness is.

Seeing your garden may prompt others to weed, the daily ritual of plucking out the life-sappers of modern living. Much like illusory happiness, weeds, through methods mysterious but nonetheless potent, unfailingly snake their way into your plot and pop up beside your plants. Some donn well-made disguises like flowers to try and fool you, and in their infancy you often cannot discern weed babies from your spinach sproutlings. However, turn your back on them for a day, and they will outgrow everything.

Some people think that by locking up their garden they are protecting themselves from nasty stake-claimers, but what they are really doing is refusing their garden the nectar that butterflies and bees faithfully deliver. Many people think that putting a lock on the gate is a sign of strength, but that is often times the greatest sign of a garden in neglect.

It is true that we are the only ones who live in our gardens. Friends, family, and lovers visit to brunch and chat, but return to their respective homes by golden hour.

However, my friend, this does not mean you are left alone--every blossom and perennial were planted by you for you. Breeze and blithe birdsong greets you unfailingly at dawn, and even storms are merely turbulent replenishment for your soil and your roots. Hydrangeas and roses are no different than thunder and rain--although distinctly colored, they are yours.

Submitted September 20, 2018 at 10:41AM by neotenousmenace via reddit https://ift.tt/2ppJ0q6

[ppgxrrblove]

first, i don't celebrate saturnilia - i made this a while, while back - forgot when e.e possibly 2018 even at that i didn't really celebrate it either =O.. i know that for a fact, buuut i do very much love the songs <3!! sucker for that lol.

i decided to share some old mmd videos that i have made on here that are short that is ppg related so if you like it cool if not it's fine :3. i may make a bit more of these..because..i have *way* too many ppg ideas, and motions that i gotta really use...i won't mind it if i get not much likes - shoot glad someone liked the post really any like counts but just posting it out there really makes me happy about it being viewed by others.

then to be stashed away.

now for the hard part...the credits - ahh...i may need to check my youtube account, i am hoping i didn't stupidly deleted the video.......so yeh.

credits;

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ Model Belongs: smol-kiwi & 0mgbellx3 ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ Stage Belongs: kazuki9484 ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ Motion Belongs: echoowo ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ Effects: night-stat_cloud, autoluminous, ray, abssao, hgssao, o_selfoverlay,classiclemon, classicpink, diamond, ploaris, excellentshadow

[ravingsofajunkie]

“At least you’re still alive”. It’s almost as bad as “at least you’re sober”. I really have no idea what those mean to me. Alive…dead…sober or high, I don’t see importance of one state over another. Suicidal, I am not. I’ve been suicidal before because I thought that’s what you do when you’re depressed. A suicidal thought would cross my mind saying life would be much easier if I weren’t here. I would go with that thought believing it was real. But if there was any amount of known pain involved in a certain method of suicide I wouldn’t want use it. So the best way was Tylenol. Right? As if! Twice even!

My belief system had been this: I’m capable of thinking a thought therefore it must be true and I have no choice but to follow that one path. I really didnt know, deep down, I had a choice about everything…and I mean e-ve-ry-thing until about 2013. My first lesson was in 2004. Being sober for almost a year I found some solace at a Methodist church in the Lakeview neighborhood of Chicago. I attended an orientation class for those who were curious about becoming more involved with that specific church. The straight pastor who had been suspended from serving this church for marrying gay couples said, “we’re more universalist than Methodist here. Some of us actually believe that Jesus didn’t rise from the dead which doesn’t mean youre not a Christian.” I knew what he said was Truth yet still I was flabbergasted and gratitude radiated from my body like light from the sun.

The second lesson was in 2011. I had been using crystal meth off and on for about a year. My most personal and revealing tweak was carpet combing. I would spend hours (in total adding up to days and days) combing through my carpet to see if I or anyone else had dropped any crystal meth whether or not it was used in that part of the apartment. The sense of lack in my life was fierce. Lack of choices. Lack of friends. Lack of money. Lack of worthiness. I wanted more T and that shiT was expensive. Letting the cat out of the bag and revealing my tweak to a “friend” he said, “You have a choice. You need to tell yourself to get up off the floor and do something else. That shit is pathetic”. Why did he have to add THAT at the end? My sense of lack was so loud I had neglected my truer instincts.

I have never understood concepts such as a God based out of major religions, baptism, funerals, I am supposed to give a shit about the plight of every human being (especially when I could imagine aspects unknown to my experience and without judgment), and the importance of “at least I didn’t die”. Gosh, I must be a heartless person. That’s not what most people have told me, though. My first sponsor (in AA) of eight years mentioned that I was very altruistic at least once in every conversation, always trying to affirm my worthiness. I had no idea what that meant, at first, so I looked it up. It meant I was a very giving person with no expectation of reward or reciprocity? Please. No one…absolutely no one I know is the perfect model of altruism. A reward always awaits in anything we do or are with the simple release of the feel -good-chemical dopamine. I had started to hate all people because I gave too much of my energy trying to be friends with everyone. I sat on the term, altruism, for quite a long time trying understand why he would say that. My sponsor also sat on a pedestal where i had placed him until it came crashing down during the “relapse” or “revolving door” years between 2009-2012. I recall six major flaws in our relationship. 1. He would always forget routine activities that had been happening for years. 2. When I started “relapsing” on Crystal Meth his ignorance and lack of curiosity of what I was going through climaxed with “you were gone for three months and you still have your teeth”. 3. He actually meant “intuitive” or “empathic”…not altruistic…u’s, t’s and i’s…I see it. (And yes ive had almost all UTIs…LOL) 4. The statement, “you are now a chronic relapser” stung. 5. I was way too sensitive. 6. I placed him on that damn pedestal…he’s not perfect.

In 2013 my experiences had been traumatizing enough to bring me back to sobriety and rehab for what I had thought would be the fifth and last time. I had been attending back to back workshops at Haymarket, the boot camp rehab center in Chicago’s West Loop (two blocks away from Oprah’s Harpo studios) for poor and mandated-by-court patients.The difference between previous rehab experiences and this one was I had sensed an overwhelming flood, an abundance, of worthiness with no external motivation but the observation of a few opinions being thrown my way. Id, ego and super-ego were bookended with the father, son and holy spirit in a matter of a couple hours. Accompanied by my “mind, body, and spirit” theories floating around in my head I had made the connection between the holistic, religious, and psychiatric examples. They’re all the fucking same. Fuckers. Everyone. The whole bit. We, as human beings, have come to a place of identification and political correctness, no matter how liberal or conservative, dividing ourselves into the most lonely of separation. It’s all the fucking same. We’re all the fucking same. A fun bitterness accompanied those thoughts and feelings…just pure instinct, knowing, curiosity, and worthiness. Or was I just close enough to the A-Ha energy emenating from Harpo Studios? Who cares?! Naturally, bitterness arrived in the grieving process of letting go of old conditioning, assumptions and ideogy later on but I knew I had touched on Truth. Without knowing I had set out on a mission to choose my own belief system. The excitement of a clear internal motivation allowed me to hear the quiet “no of all nothing�� (e.e. cummings) and the little guide posts externally along the way, aka synchronicity. A common phrase in AA made more sense to me then and now. “These (ideas, thoughts, 12 steps, clichés) are merely suggestions. You can take them or leave them”. Now if they, as one example of a recovery community, actually knew how to do that I would still be involved.

Ironically, despite my internal spark, two pieces of advice that I can give anyone today to achieve this state of mind, of knowing abundance, are not of my own making.

1. Set a hoola-hoop around you on the ground. Whether or not you have done this literally or in your mind’s eye, the only thing you need to worry about is inside this hoola-hoop. Dudes…all that gobbledeegook out there, i.e. media, government, gossip, your neighbors, etc are mostly a distraction. Everyday, all day, little by little, I gave this thought and asked myself, “why am I doing this? What is my motivation”. I have a tendency to over do things but the importance of being able to take all of my attachments and examine them overwhelms me with gratitude. My goal was to identify and keep my sense of inner motivation. Ironically I discovered that abundance after quitting injecting crystal meth on my own yet still getting high as a kite. More on that later.

2. Get religion out of ‘spirituality’. I don’t give a fuck if you’re atheist, muslim, naturalist, scientist, evolutionist, creationist, christian, or a devil worshipper. It’s all the same and 99% of all people can relate to this definition. The most important thing next to feeling worthy is being able to communicate our worthiness to each other. Just retrain your brain. Easy, right? If you’re too lazy to do it, fine. Ive been super lazy about lesser important things about which most people have pigeon-holed me into a being bad person. True, external motivation/inspiration exists but I cannot give you your worthiness. You have to feel that all on your own. So, take it or leave it.

Spirit - that life-giving source…the spark of life…energy everywhere…infinite microcosm….infinite macrocosm…atoms…universes…the unknowable thing that makes you or me breathe or get up in the morning or feel or do or be or the fact that scientists say that energy cannot be destroyed.

—“I’ve got spirit! Yes, I do! I’ve got spirit! How 'bout you?!”

Spiritual - expressing that energy. For all people and things something is being expressed. Even a rock.

Spirituality - experiencing the energy from within and from without. The sharing of that energy. Giving and receiving. Selfishness and selflessness. Reciprocity. The flow. Not Aunt Flo….but…The Flow.

What does this have to do with the phrases “at least you’re still alive” and “at least you’re sober”? Because I feel that it’s all the same, life, death, energy. To say otherwise is to imply shame or that I am not as good of a person for being high or dead. I’ve given myself the chance (time and space) to experience where motivation, creativity, inspiration, passion, love, hate, boredom etc comes from. All of these are within the realms of the abundance and gratitude I feel. I think it’s a lot like the idea of Zen….that energy and motivation are coming from the “no of all nothing”. Relax and go. And it’s even okay to question it all because I am naturally human, merely a doubter, a forgetter, blinded by my ability to separate, organize and categorize. In that painful distraction I can experience an even more powerful understanding that “it’s all the same.” Through the Flow of every experience, high or sober… dying or living, I can allow my humanness to evolve into knowing a little better than the last time I forgot. I have come to accept that, over time, I have seemingly no choice but to evolve in any state of being through some higher purpose…or inner purpose…or. Maybe I’m limiting myself by saying I have no choice in the matter. But until that discovery my options seem endless. And only by experiencing and expressing will I be able to see and know those options.

I am existence. I am energy. I am expressing my True Self through the tool of categorization (aka the Ego or Original Sin) and with each glorious experience. I choose to believe in my worthiness through the abundance of my expression without as much filter of seperateness and as many boundaries as I need.

Life is a paradox. I am a paradox.

May The Force be with you.

[omgail]

Still the same girl

Going through my private blog posts to see if there was anything that I could share. Wrote this when I was 23, and realised I wrote about the exact same thing today - only as an older version of myself. I think i wrote much better back then; my used of words amazes me so I must have deteriorated so much since then! I also sound more confident and sure of myself, as compared to now. What happened to me?! 

Date : September 8, 2011

I've always loved reading quotes and poems. I don't know why, but somehow they help me get by. Like how some people prefer running when their frustrated or blasting out music to keep their mind calm. For me, it has always been about poems and books. I would sometimes force myself to understand poems that are so deep, that I frustrate myself sometimes. I even went to study 'poetry' as an elective in university and it was the hardest thing I have ever faced in my life; almost. I thought it would be easy, but I am glad I went through it because I've learned to appreciate language so much more. I am still trying to figure out how words can give me that calming effect; but it works for me. If you notice, most of my statuses and the things I say are based on quotes, poems and things that philosophers and writers say. I wake up in the morning and I read poems, when I'm bored I will read them and spend my time finding out about the poet. Somehow, I still have not found the reason why I am so attracted to the words. They help me. Maybe it is the idea that someone is feeling exactly the way I do or that they are people out there who have faced or experience the same thing as I do. It could be the connection. To me, words are the most powerful thing. I am easily effected by words more than action. I believe words more than action. Maybe that is why I have turned to blogging because that is where I feel most at power with how I feel and what I think. I've also started reading books that are inspiring and realistic rather than about fiction. I am still trying to grasp the idea of how I can switch in terms of thinking. I used to go crazy over fictional books and about bimbo's who are lost in their fashion world and caught up in their boyfriend drama. I try to read them, but I just can't learn to love them as I did before. In fact, every time I'm in a bookstore now I grab hold of books that are in the psychological or philosophical section. It's just the need for me to understand and have a deeper understanding of life and of myself I guess. Oh my gosh, does that mean I am now feeling lost? I hope not. If I was asked, my favorite poet would be E.E Cummings. He is so handsome. Haha! Right, it is definitely not about the looks for me, but his looks are an added bonus. After all, he is about 100 years old by now. A handsome man and a brilliant mind is a complete set for me, and E.E Cummings portrays that for me. Here, I have my favorite poem of all time. The reason why I chose E.E Cummings out of the many poets out there is because I find that I can relate to most of his work that he has put out for the world to see. It is like he has felt what I have felt even before I was born. I feel such a strong connection with him, it is as though we have this connection where we both understand the same thing, and are looking at the same light. How can one person come up with just the perfect words? His idea of life and his work is just amazeballs to me, I would love to have met him when he was alive or maybe spend a day with him just wondering what is in this man's mind? His thoughts and how he views the world. The first time I heard about his poem was from the movie 'In Her Shoes', where Cameron Diaz had to read E.E Cummings poem to a sick man. I was so touched by the words I almost cried. ALMOST. Why didn't I just cry? What was I holding back?”

K SCARY. I forgot I even wrote this? But whatevs. Good to have two different versions. One when I was 23 and another when I am 28; nothing’s changed - I still like rambling!