#I forgot my fucking monitor’s power cord

[slicksquid]

ignoring that it’s not super straight look how nicely I just so happened to place my gamer strip lights

[tricktster]

So the other night my mom was upstairs on a zoom call with The Council of Retired White Moms (her book club) , my dad was downstairs working out, and my brother and I were cleaning up the kitchen, which obviously requires a soundtrack.

Now, you know how sometimes you’re like “alexa, play [a song]” and she’s like “playing [a totally different song] on TST’s spotify”? or maybe she just decides to play literally nothing instead? My workaround has always been to select the Echo as thr output device in the spotify app. It works like 80% of the time.

As such, when Alexa couldn’t manage to play my great kitchen cleaning jam on the night at issue, I opened spotify, selected the kitchen echo, and pressed play. When the Echo didn’t respond, I just assumed it was just the usual spotify/alexa bullshit... until the screaming began.

This next part is important: there are 32 devices on our network and nobody but me ever names them. So when I’m selecting a device to play spotify on, I have to pick the right speaker out from a long list of random alphanumeric gibberish. I usually guess right, but I do occasionally fuck it up. Accordingly, it came to pass that I had not told Spotify to play my music on the kitchen echo; I had actually selected the iHome in my mom’s office.

Mom originally bought the iHome to play NPR loud enough that she could hear it from any room in the house. It’s not a smart speaker, though, and mom (like the majority of boomers) prefers to use voice commands. Once she got her own Echo, she just basically forgot about the iHome. More importantly, she forgot how to use it, and then, it seems, forgot that it was a speaker system at all - a few weeks prior to the events of this story, I was trying to troubleshoot her computer and had a private and very sensible chuckle to myself when she incidentally referred to it as “that digital clock.”

For the past few years it’s just been lurking silently on her desk next to her laptop.

Waiting.

As a result, when the iHome unexpectedly lurched back to life at its customary maximum volume, neither my mother nor the 25+ other Women of a Certain Age in her book club had any idea of:

a) where the music was coming from, or

b) how to stop it

I had started up the stairs in response to the screaming, but I paused (out of mom’s line of sight) when I realized what was happening.

“STOP IT!” My mom was out of her chair and screaming. “WHAT IS THAT!? NO! ALEXA, STOP IT! ALEXA! STOP PLAYING!”

A greek chorus of distraught book club attendees was echoing her sentiments over the laptop speakers, the monitor displaying the horrified face of each speaker in incredibly rapid succession.

“ALEXA!” My mom shouted at the mesh router point, “MAKE IT STOP! NO! NO! NO!”

(“Did you mean ‘set a timer?’” the Echo in her bedroom asked politely.)

The song, naturally, did not stop, and mom did not think to mute her laptop or pull the power cord from the iHome. Instead, she whirled around several times held her arms out in a sort of T-pose, as if she could physically stop the book club attendees from hearing the song I’d picked out.

I will say this for the iHome - sure, it’s old tech, but even at max volume, the lyrics could be understood with perfect clarity.

Now, this would have probably been funny regardless of the song I had chosen as my kitchen clean-up jam. I know that. But the actual song that my mom’s book club encountered that night is what raises the whole thing from “amusing anecdote” to “genuinely incredible.”

If you have been following me for a while, you’ll know that I tend to think of myself as a real prankster. A rascal, a scamp, a jester of a woman. I have engineered a few comedic misadventures in my day. But I have to be humble here... what I unintentionally accomplished that night was so much funnier than anything I have ever done on purpose. It was the absolute apex of comedy.

The song I had chosen, dear readers, was WAP.

[darkredehmption]

A Retreat

#SL #ARetreat

Written by @DamagedBrother and @PanwerePredator 

***

Hadrian:

I flung away the cords for the cardiac monitor with a snarl. 

Thankfully, at five o’clock in the morning, there were no doctors or nurses rushing in to tell me not to. I probably shouldn’t have. Most mornings, the incessant beeping as my heart raced out of control was the only thing that pulled me from the nightmares that triggered it in the first place. 

But every time I heard the frantic beeping it just reminded me where I was. What had happened. And that even now, Amos had a grip on me I couldn’t seem to shake.

Getting off the bed, I was relieved when I didn’t stumble, my legs finally strong enough to keep me upright as I stalked toward the bathroom. The simple shirt and sweats I’d been given by the doggen clung to me with sweat. Cranking on the heat, I peeled off the clothes and tossed them into the wash basket, then stepped into the spray. 

The heat chased away the chill that came with the nightmares; the terrors Amos had soaked me in and made me live through night after night. Turning my face up into the spray, I tried to imagine the fears, the insidious whispering, running down the drain. But even if I stood here for hours, I knew they weren’t going anywhere. That tonight I’d go through the same routine of trying not to sleep, failing, then waking in terror. 

My fingers curled into fists as I held in a soft, angry sob. 

Zsadist:

I’ve been on a mating ceremony high that I almost forgot to check in on our patient, Hadrian. Fritz was about to bring him down some fresh clothes, but I grabbed them from the Doggen and headed straight for the PT suite. I needed to check on the male, and well...I had a proposition for him. Hadrian was an important part of this family whether he wanted to believe it or not, so if I could, I would prefer to have him close. I mean, he wanted to help us fight lessers. 

When I rounded the corner I instantly tightened, I could feel that something was wrong. Tossing the clothes on the bed as I follow the trail of dirties to the bathroom door. Pausing as I listen to the shifter’s heart racing followed by his heavy breathing. 

“Hadrian…”

Chest rumbling as I spoke, eyes flashing to the handle as I murmur. “You alright?” Scrubbing a hand over my nape. Of course he wasn’t alright. Fuck, I was never good at this kind of shit. Letting out a soft sigh. “I brought you clean clothes…” Eyes the shirt and sweats that were scattered on the floor.

“Can I come in…?” I didn’t like the idea of the shifter being upset. “I...know what it’s like to be someone’s prisoner.” Gazing at my slave bands. “Spent most of my life as a slave, taken away from my parents as an infant.”

Hadrian:

It wasn’t until Zsadist was at the door, saying my name, that I even realized he was down here. With the water running, not to mention my racing heart and fractured headspace, my hearing and sense of smell was limited to the bathroom. Glancing to the door, I took a deep breath and tilted my head into the spray, washing away any trace of tears. 

The water might’ve washed away the lingering stench of fear, but I knew it clung to the sheets I’d tossed and turned in. Knew that Zsadist was well aware of the nightmares that’d chased me from the bed. Then there was the fact that he knew what it was like. Hell, he’d had it worse than I had; held as a slave and used for decades by some mistress monster. I’d endured Amos for barely a couple weeks. But it didn’t change the fact that it felt like a piece of my soul was missing. That Amos had taken it with him to whatever section of Hell he was now in.

Reaching for a towel, I wrapped it around my waist before clearing my throat. “Come in.”

Trying to straighten, I didn’t flinch as the male came in. He filled the smaller space, not just with his size but the strength of his personality. His golden eyes gleamed, watching me through the last tendrils of steam that wafted through the room. I glanced away and cleared my throat again.

“We… we don’t have to talk about it. I… I don’t know how to,” I add quietly. “The fact is I should be grateful I’m alive. I should be dead,” I said flatly, moving toward the door. “An animal to call isn’t supposed to survive the death of their master…”

Master.

The word was revolting, even in my head. My Beasts rumbled their discontent. All except my Lion, who remained painfully quiet. 

Zsadist:

 Finally I was let into the bathroom, seeing the male clearly even with the steam that surrounded us. I listened to him as he made his way out. He didn’t want to talk, and I understood that more than anyone. I spent decades not wanting to talk to anyone. 

“I kept her skull beside me on the floor, where I slept.” I blurt out.

Nice one Z. Way to fucking scare him even more. Scrubbing my hand over my scarred face as I exit the bathroom, reaching for the fresh clothes that I brought down, and tossing them at the shifter. 

“I went back to kill her, and took her skull home with me as a reminder. So that every time I looked at it I knew she was dead. Knew that she couldn’t come back to hurt me anymore.” 

I was unloading a lot on the poor male, which was something I really didn’t do. Hell, I haven’t even told Mal all the dirty details of my past. 

“But even then, even with her dead, with her skull beside me, I still had nightmares. Constantly worrying that she would come back and take me. Enslave me once again.” I didn’t want to mention that Amos made me see her, then again he probably already knew. 

“So I get it. I get what you are feeling, and I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m just…” Pauses as I touch the edge of the stretcher. “I’m glad you are alive, Hadrian. I did everything in my power to make that happen.”

Hadrian:

There was a sentence to stop you in your tracks. And despite myself, my need to take those clothes to a private room and dress like I could hide what I was feeling under layers, I paused. 

Zsadist had never said much about his past. The slave bands tattooed around his wrists and neck told the world only a snippet of the story, and while I’d yearned to know more, I’d never pushed for that tale. It wasn’t something you asked of someone. It was something they shared when or if they were ever ready.

Listening to the male’s confession, I wondered if that would’ve made any difference for me. It was doubtful. For one, vampires of Amos’ breed didn’t leave anything behind in death. Other than the foul memories they’d created. Comforting as Amos’ skull turned paperweight might’ve been, it wasn’t part of this reality. And Z himself knew, it didn’t stop the nightmares. 

Finally looking up to meet his eyes, I chose my words with care.

“You would know better than anyone what it means to serve another,” I agree. “I just…” I groped for the words, to try and help him understand. He’d given me this insight into his past, and I wanted him to know that I was grateful. For the fact I was living when I should’ve been dead. “When a lycanthrope is bound to a vampire,” I managed finally, “their will is forfeit. Your… mistress…” The word tasted foul on my tongue. “She owned you, but… your body, right? You… you still had the ability to tell her ‘no’, even if she possessed the means to overpower you… right?” 

It sounded crass, and cruel, and that wasn’t my intent, so I ploughed on. 

“With Amos… he didn’t just own my body. He owned my soul. My mind. Every thought if I wasn’t careful. Every fear, like they were books in a library he could pick up and read. If he ordered me to kill you,” I whispered, remembering that particular nightmare he’d inflicted on me, “then I’d have been helpless but to do it. Even if my heart didn’t want to. I /had/ to obey. The metaphysical bond…”

I shook my head and looked away. Bitterly ironic as it was, I’d have preferred to be a pet to Zsadist’s mistress than an eternal servant of Amos’ will. At least I could’ve defied orders. Had a will of my own. Against the magic that had bound me to Amos, I’d been less than nothing.

“It feels like he took a piece of me with him,” I whispered finally, looking back up to Z’s golden gaze. “It feels like he’s in hell, and whatever part of me that was bound to him was dragged there too. And you…” I stepped closer to the male, oblivious to the towel that was my only covering and the water that still gleamed on my skin. “...you are the /only/ thing that kept me here. The only good thing in my life…”

And the only thing that kept me from walking off into the darkness, and letting it claim me. The bond I felt to Zsadist, for what he’d done, went beyond gratitude and friendship. I owed him my life.

Zsadist:

I take in a deep breath as Hadrian’s words hit me hard. Yes, we both dealt with similar things, but it was still different. The only thing I could do was be there for him. Hadrian was the first real friend I ever had. Sure, I had my Brothers, but I never took the time to talk to anyone else. To truly find myself a friend. Though at this moment I was very grateful that we met, even though it involved me stabbing him in the chest. My lips twitched at the thought. 

“There was no telling her no. I could scream it all I want, but it still happened by force.” Nods. “But yeah...I get what you mean.” Scrubbing a hand over my nape. “You were truly enslaved to him.” Looks away as I process it all.

“Well, I’m sorry I’m the only good thing in your life. Cause hell, I’m nothing special.” Snorts at that. “But if what you are saying is true, then I have a proposition for you. If you are physically up to it, I’d like to show you something.” Says as I take in the male, wondering how he’s been feeling. 

I glanced at the clothes that I tossed aside when I entered the room. “Maybe put those on.” Smirks as I move to stand out into the hall. It was times like these where I wished I smoked, like Vishous, give me something to do with my hands. Instead I just awkwardly leaned against the wall, waiting for the shifter to get dressed. 

Hadrian:

I snorted at the idea of being ‘physically up to it’. If it meant getting out of this med wing for a while, I’d body crawl my way out the door. 

Nodding my acceptance, I caught the clothes thrown my way and barely waited long enough for the vampire to leave the room before I ditched the towel, throwing it into the same pile as my sweat soaked night shirt. Dragging on fresh, clean clothes helped me feel a little more… well, not ‘human’ per se, but definitely closer to normal than I’d been feeling before my shower.

Pulling on a pair of boots, I glanced back toward the med suite and suspected the docs and their team would know I hadn’t skipped town. Besides, wasn’t like I could go far. I barely knew where this place was.

Emerging from the suite, I nodded to Zsadist as he pushed off from the wall and fell into step beside me. A comfortable sweater had been among the ensemble of clothing brought down, the kind with big pockets at the front, and I stuffed my hands into them as we walked.

My ears picked up the faint sounds of life though a few doors, though largely, the tunnel was quiet and empty.

“So… what are you showing me?” I managed, my voice soft enough as to be part of the tunnel ambiance and not break it.

Zsadist:

 Scrubbing a hand along my skull trim as I head down the tunnel, in the direction towards the garage. “Ah...you’ll see soon enough.” 

Not like it was some big surprise, I was more worried that the male would decline my offer if I just straight out told him. So figured it be better to let him see for himself, and for me to explain once we arrived. 

There weren't many around, which made this a lot easier. Brothers on rotation, the King in his study, and Doggens busy cleaning the Mansion. So naturally we just slipped outside without anyone noticing. 

The cool night air caressed my face, taking a moment to breathe it all in as we headed for the woods behind the mansion. We had a good amount of acres to give us some nice land to roam. Which was great since we wanted to be far away from civilization. 

Then I see it.

The cozy cabin that was originally designed for me when the Brotherhood all moved to the manse. You know, back when I was a black eyed bastard and didn’t want to be around anyone. Well, things changed. Moving here changed me, and I decided to not distance myself from the Brothers who meant a lot to me. 

I only hoped that there wasn’t a pallet on the floor. Should have given it a look before I brought the shifter here. Oh well. 

“This cabin belongs to the Brotherhood. It was originally supposed to be mine when we moved here.” Grunts. “I...wanted to know if you’d like to have it, to be close to us.” Rubs at my neck. 

“I know it’s not much, but the Doggens and V can fix it up anyway you’d like. And you can even keep your apartment in the city if you want. I mean fuck, the Brothers have other places they call home. Just thought this would be a nice place for when you start fighting with us.” Nods as my eyes take in the view of the lake. 

“Lots of room to run…” I barely let out. 

Hadrian:

Rather than push for information, I simply nodded. Some part of me trusted Zsadist, almost more completely than I trusted myself. I didn’t challenge, didn’t question. Instead I just kept pace with him, until the night air reached out to stroke at my skin and I shivered in relief and anticipation.

As if waiting for the glimpse of freedom, of the world beyond, my Beasts all stirred, lifting their heads and breathing in the scent of the trees, the earth. A full moon was maybe a week away, and I felt the faint thrum of power as that moonlight hit my skin. Moving toward the tree line, I wondered if the vampire could sense how grateful I was. Even if I was tired, this was what I needed; the crunch of grass and branches under foot, the stars above and the call of wild things.

Then, amongst trees and shadow, the smaller structure emerged. A wood cabin, the scent around it undisturbed. The trees and woods embracing it rather than rejecting it. And then the Brother’s offer.

I glanced at him sideways, unable to hide my shock. Then I was looking at it again, trying to imagine… And it wasn’t hard to do. A moon was only a week away, and I wasn’t about to stay in the manse for it. But here? Amongst trees and the wild? I could actually run. Let my wolf hunt. My cats prowl. 

Stepping closer, I swallowed the lump in my throat as emotion rushed me. This small slice of peace and paradise… Z was giving me that. Offering it to me.

“I can live here? By myself?” I whispered hoarsely, not trusting myself to be louder. “‘Cause… that’d be fucking beautiful,” I manage, finally reaching the side of the cabin and putting my hand to the wood. It was rough and scratchy and cool and I loved it.

Zsadist:

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. Somehow I let myself believe that the shifter wasn’t going to accept my offer. To think that maybe he was fed up with all of this, all of us, and wanted to just be alone. 

But that wasn’t the case at all.

“Yeah. It’s yours. I discussed it with the others and they don’t have a problem with it. It’s actually safer for us and you, to have you close. Lessers love to track. Which also reminds me, Vishous wanted to add some extra security to your apartment. If you want to keep it.” 

Nods as I gaze at the cabin. “It needs some work, but it isn’t dirty inside. The Doggens have always kept up with keeping it clean even though it was vacant.” 

I dig into the pocket of my dark jeans, retrieving a key, and handing it over. “So if you know what you’d like...it can be furnished. There is a working kitchen as well as two full bathrooms. Even the upstairs bedroom has a balcony. So let me know what you’d like, or Fritz, and it’s done. And if you don’t...they will just order you stuff.” Chuckles.

Hadrian:

Somehow, against all odds, I’d managed to find another home. A place to recover. Where it didn’t matter how loud the nightmares, no one would have to hear me.

Accepting the key, it was still warm from Zsadist’s body heat as I curled my fingers around it and held on. His words provoked thoughts I hadn’t ventured toward yet, and unbidden I thought of the apartment downtown, the floor to ceiling windows and marble kitchen countertops. Not to mention the panic bedroom still drenched in fear.

“Can… can the doggen go there too?” I asked quietly, looking back to Zsadist. The moonlight touched his golden eyes and made them unbearably, breathtakingly bright. “To… clean.”

Clean away the stench of Amos and the terror he’d soaked the place in. Vishous could wire the place to high heaven. He could make it a backup location for the Brothers when they were downtown for all I cared. But I couldn’t go back there yet. Not until every essence of Amos had been scrubbed away.

“The moon is coming,” I continued, turning away from Zsadist and his perfect gilded gaze, instead looking up to the waxing moon. “You’re sure the Brothers are alright with me running wild under the moon out here?”

Zsadist:

I blinked at the shifter’s words. “Of...of course they can. I’ll make sure I tell Fritz right after we head back.” My golden eyes flickered up to the evening sky, taking in the bright moon that was due to be full soon.”

“Yeah. The doors to the mansion lock with a code, and I’d like to think your...animal friends can’t punch in said code.” Chuckles slightly at my joke. 

“They know, and probably will make sure their shellans stay inside when you are running around out here.” I let my eyes meet the shifter’s once again. “Then again, that leopard of yours is a big softy.” Says with a snort as I think back to that night when...you helped me stay grounded. Having a good friend like that stay close, sounded like a great idea to me.

“Well, I think it’s time we head back…Unless you’d like to stay and explore a bit.” I left Mal resting in bed, and didn’t know if he was up or not. I’d hate for him to wake and not see me there after the shit he just went through. 

“I’m really glad that you want to stay…” I breathe. 

Hadrian:

Giving the cabin one final, long look, I nod slowly and turn around. My fingers curl around the key even tighter, feeling the metal bite into my skin. Managing a faint smile, I move to stand by Zsadist, matching his pace as we head back toward the mansion. 

“I’m grateful you offered,” I admit, thinking of what this future could be like. “I’ve spent my life running from what I am and vampires and… it still did me no good. Now I have a place amongst vampires that… that want to help me. Protect me.” I actually managed a short chuckle. “Oh how times have changed…”

Shaking my head, I stepped around a tree, trying to fill my lungs with the scent of the forest before I returned to the sterility of the med wing. 

“So… thank you. Thanks for…” I looked up, meeting those golden eyes as we paused by the door. “...keeping me alive. And giving me a reason to… keep going.”

My smile was a little more real this time. A little more at ease. Because tomorrow I was moving into that cabin. The med team could visit, if they wanted, but considering I was still on the grounds it wasn’t like they could go nuts. And I needed it. Needed this.

And somehow Z had known.

“You’re a good friend.”

#SL #ARetreat 

[btsmutandstuff]

You scared?

BTS Scenarios: Watching a scary movie

Request: some anon that disappeared from my inbox forever ago but I DIDNT QUIT ON YALL

A/N: This shit’s cute and I was in the mood for mixing up my usual dose of smut. Hope you enjoy! 

ALSO this is fluff. My first full blown fluff. Or at least how I do fluff. She’s hinting at smutty. 

Seokjin:

Jin wasn’t big on scary movies. He wasn’t big on movies at all, actually. He preferred to binge watch a show once in a while, curled up on the couch with you. You usually both ended up falling asleep together, but it was the thought that counted. 

You love movies and he indulged you whenever you had a particular movie you had been excited to see. This time, it was a horror movie about some violent exorcism story that looked like it would easily become one of your favorite scary movies.

You were about two thirds through the film, which had been interesting but not exactly horrifying yet, until now. The movie suddenly ramped up and got scarier than you anticipated, and you soon found yourself rotating between hiding your face behind a pillow and frantically searching for the remote, which of course was no where to be found. 

“Fuck!” you hiss, tossing pillows to the ground in your hunt for the remote. 

“Jin!” you whine, anxious to turn the tv off or to something funny; anything but this movie, which is now suddenly very gory. 

“Jinnieee! Where’s the-” you pause, looking up from your search to see him, sleeping with his limbs splayed out, his head leaned back on the couch cushion. “Jin!” you whine. He doesn’t stir and the movie continues to ramp up in intensity, so much so that you decide to bite the bullet and go try and turn the tv off on the actual monitor. You get up and get to the tv, sweeping your hands around the sides in search of the discreet buttons. No such luck as a huge jump scare pops onto the screen just inches from your face. You literally scream, crumpling up into a ball in front of the monitor. 

“Jagi?!” Jin gasps, his tired voice confused and anxious at the way he’s suddenly been woken up. “Jagi!” he says, voice full of concern as he sees you in a ball on the floor. He leaps up from the couch and comes over to you, even more concerned when you don’t move. He’s not quite sure what to do to help, but when he grabs the power cord to the tv and yanks it out of the socket, it’s a good start. He wraps himself over you, hugging you tightly under him and pressing little kisses to the back of your head and neck. 

“Y/N it’s ok! I turned it off. I’m so sorry I was asleep! I wish I heard you earlier… I don’t know where the remote is, I should have known. I usually don’t lose it, I’m so sorry,” he babbles, hoping to help in some way. You calm down, taking in your surroundings as you realize the movie is turned off and Jin has literally made a human shield of his body around you. You giggle a little, shaking him from underneath. He sits up with you and you wrap your arms around his chest, snuggling against him when his warm embrace finds you. 

“It’s not your fault, Jin. I actually think I remember leaving it in the kitchen earlier now that you mention it. Totally my fault,” you explain. You pull away and lean you face up to him, kissing him on his jaw since you can’t quite reach anything else from this angle. “But thank you for coming to my rescue. I love you.”

He beams at the soft moment and how he was able to be your knight in shining armor briefly. He tips your face up and kisses you softly. 

“I love you, too, Y/N.”

Hoseok:

Neither of you really liked scary movies, so it was kind of a surprise when the movie you and Jin had been hyping up for so long turned out to be way scarier than you thought. It was supposed to be a mystery thriller kind of thing, but soon you were both clinging to each other’s arms in your movie theater seats, way beyond trying to maintain any semblance of bravery for each other.

It was a particular shot of the killer in motion down a dark hallway that got you both gasping and pulling on each other, fighting to bury your heads into each other’s sides.

“Hobi!” you hiss, quietly. “Hobi, should we...should we go?” He looks at you, eyes a little wide, hoping you’re serious.

“Yeah, probably,” he answers, not questioning you as he takes your hand, pulling you with him out of the theater. You stroll back out of the lobby, dropping his hand in favor of slipping your arm under his, hugging it close to you. He giggles a little, looking down at you.

“Well, that was a waste of money. I thought it was going to be good,” he comments, hoping it’ll distract from how rattled he is by that movie. You gulp and calm your breathing.

“It probably was good. I just wouldn’t know since I was covering my eyes for 90% of it,” you retort, squeezing his arm a little. He chuckles and leads you toward the door, hesitating a little before pulling it open. 

“I forgot it would be dark when we got out of here..” he comments, doing his best to remain casual but you know he’s still shook up by the horror movie. You walk slowly with him in silence through the dark towards his car, not liking how eerily quiet it is. 

“Wanna run?” you ask suddenly, looking up at him and pulling him to a stand still. He looks at you questioningly for a moment before reading how serious you are. He lifts his keys quickly and presses a button, his eyes shooting over to his car as it’s lights blink and it chirps in the distance. He nods and takes off with your hand in his, leading you at a break neck pace to his car. Even though the scaredy cat is probably just as terrified as you, he still runs to your side first, pulling the door open for you and then running around to his side as soon as he’s slammed it shut behind you. He gets in, locks the doors and starts the car, turning the radio on. You both take a minute to breathe as you calm down, silence settling around you save for the quiet radio. 

You giggle a little at how ridiculous you’re being with each other, but can’t help but bust up laughing when he looks at you with those wide eyes, still probably imagining the murderer from the movie chasing you through the parking lot. You pull him towards you, ever the (slightly more) brave one, and kiss him sweetly, patting his cheek as you pull away. 

“Safe! You did it,” you assure him. “Let’s get ice cream.” He smiles at the proposition, thankful that you can be so positive and love him for his easily scared side. He puts on a fake macho brave face and starts driving, the only give away being the white knuckle grip he has on your hand. But you don’t mind. 

Yoongi:

You stifle another giggle as you feel him twitch under you. As the movie has progressed (and gotten scarier), Yoongi has slowly sunk further down into the couch and further behind your legs, bent at the knee over his lap. He was trying fruitlessly to be subtle but you could tell he was just trying to cover his eyes without actually covering his eyes. He knew you loved scary movies, and you could tell that when you asked if he liked them and he answered with...

“They’re not my thing. Boring.”

...that he was probably a scaredy cat when it came to the poltergeist-esque movie you selected. You tried to give him an out and pick another movie; a comedy or something, but he insisted on your pick, being as stubbornly sweet as ever. You wouldn’t mind, but you knew this was his way of giving you what you wanted. He’s secretly such a soft boyfriend.

“You okay?” you whisper, jolted by the little jump you felt from under you at the flash of the screen. Yoongi grunts and sniffs his nose.

“Yeah, why baby?” he asks, breathing unnaturally measured as he calms himself. You smile a little and feign innocence for his sake, knowing he’d never admit he was scared by the movie.

“No reason..” you sigh, settling back against his shoulder and refocusing on the movie. You can’t though, since all you can focus on is Yoongi swallowing hard as the scene gets more tense. And Yoongi checking the time on his phone. And Yoongi, nervously chewing his lip. You grab the remote and pause the movie, shifting in his lap to look at him.

“Wanna makeout?” you say, wiggling your eyebrows at him mischievously. His lip curls up into that smirk and he scoffs.

“You don’t like the movie?” he aks, unaware of the little tells of relief that show on his face and in his eyes.

“Nope,” you say matter of factly. “Let’s make out.”

He sighs leaning in to kiss you, as if he’s giving in to your whims. You like letting him “spoil” you like this, even if you know you’re really the one doing him a favor.

Namjoon: 

You and Namjoon loved scary movies. You made it a point of your relationship to uphold a tradition of watching at least one a month. At some point you had run out of good scary movies and had resorted to strange indie horror flicks and corny low budget jump scare films while waiting for a more promising option to be made. Either way, you two just enjoyed spending time relaxing with each other. 

Tonight he had picked some foreign horror movie you had never heard of that he found on some illegal download site, you’re sure. You didn’t care though since you were just excited to spend a night with him. You had snuggled up in bed with him and were about twenty minutes into the movie, already disappointed with the amount of gore and lack of actual scary plot line. You had tried to be subtle in your sighing and in how often you checked your phone, trying to signal to your boyfriend that maybe you should settle for a really good scary one you’ve both seen already and just dump this one, but he seemed for some reason invested in this lackluster flick. 

If the start of the movie wasn’t bad enough, as it progressed it just got slower and somehow, more boring. You lean into Namjoon, letting your free hand that isn't propping you up by the elbow fiddle with the bunched up blanket under the two of you. A wicked little idea runs through your mind. You let your fingers dance along the folds of the blanket, getting closer to Joon’s hip closest to you bit by bit. A sliver of his smooth skin is exposed between the waist of his shorts and the hem of his sweatshirt. Soon enough you’re playing with the frayed woven yarn of the blanket just under him, allowing the backs of your fingers to tease gently along that exposed skin. He doesn’t react for a moment, simply allowing you to do as you pleased. You were starting to think he was actually ignoring you until you felt the warmth of his hand come to rest just over yours. Your wandering eyes widen a bit as you glance back down at your rogue hand, now covered by his. 

“Are you trying to distract me, baby girl?” he asks, voice buttery smooth. His tone is low and quiet from not speaking for so long, and you can’t help but smile and blush a little at how his breath flutters your hair just past your ear. 

“Maybe,” you respond, coyly. You know just how playing innocent like this gets him. He pauses the movie and leaves you waiting a moment before rolling over, leaning his body partially on top of yours, snugly pinned beneath him. His hand lazily skims down your side, taking it’s time to run his fingers over every curve and dimple. He rests over your hip, pushing your shirt up a bit to expose your warm skin to him. He draws languid and small circles over the same place on your hip that you had done to him. You bite your lip and swallow a giggle, seeing as you’re way more ticklish than he is; a fact you both know well. He looks down at you like he’s a cat who’s caught a mouse. 

“How would you like it if I tickled you while you tried to watch a good movie? Hm?” he says, his tone dripping in honey and clearly having moved past the movie at this point; his sights set on another activity fo the evening. You smile and bite back a giggle as his fingers press a little more firmly. 

“Good thing I wasn’t watching a good movie,” you quip, knowing your sass is only going to get you punished. Not that that’s a bad thing. Something about how he smirks down at you tells you he knows that’s what you wanted all along. 

Jimin: 

“Jagiiii! You said it wasn’t a scary movieeee!” he whines, his voice muffled from the pillow he has shoved over his face. You try half-heartedly to pull the pillow from him, rolling your eyes at his dramatic antics. 

“Jimin it’s Inception. It’s not scary. It’s an action movie,” you reason, trying to keep your tone from sounding like you’re laughing at him. He would only pout if he knew you thought his little tantrum was so funny. 

“Jagi!” he gasps, dropping the pillow and staring into your eyes; his own are wide and bugged out, his puffy lips parted in shock. “That woman just stabbed her!” You do your best to take him seriously in this moment, but can’t give him the reaction he clearly wants. You press your lips together tightly but fail as a laugh bursts from you. You clap your hands over your mouth as his brow furrows and he closes his mouth, clearly “upset” by your lack of sympathy. 

“Jiminie it was a dream! She wasn’t really stabbed! Come on!” you half laugh, half whine to him, tugging on his arm to get him to face you again. He doesn’t let you though, staying as still as a statue with his arms crossed and his face turned away from you. You crawl over the couch and onto his lap, hugging him close to you and wrapping yourself around him as best you can with his arms still crossed. 

“Come onnnn…I just wanna watch a movie with my boyfriend….you don’t wanna watch a movie with me?” you coo, covering his face and neck with gentle kisses and nuzzles, smiling when he drops his crossed arms and eventually wraps them around you. You pull back and look at him, puffing your bottom lip out and giving him your best sad eyes. He holds his steely gaze for just a moment before it melts into his signature grin. He reaches up to squeeze your cheeks between his thumb and forefinger, pecking your squished up lips quickly before chuckling at how silly you look. 

“Fine. But only because you’re so cute,” he agrees, loosening but not dropping his arms from your waist as you turn around in his lap to face the TV. He tightens his hold on you as you get comfortable and nuzzles his face into your neck, assuring he has a place to hide his eyes if it gets “scary” again. 

“And only if there’s no more stabbing.”

Taehyung: 

Taehyung watches eagerly with you as the main character makes her way down the dark hallway, finally reaching the light switch and flicking it on to reveal a ghoulish face staring back at her from just a foot away. You jump in your spot, clinging to Tae tightly and squealing as the scary moment passes. You calm down after a few seconds and look at Tae, wanting to see how scared he was as well. Except that’s not what you see. He’s got his lips pressed tightly together, and he’s doing his best to trap the laugh thats about to burst from him. He glances down at you and sees how you’re looking at him like he just ruined a joke or something. You scoff as he snorts, then bursts out laughing. 

“Come on, Tae! That was scary! How did you not think that was scary?” you prod in disbelief. He laughs and lets his head flop back onto the back of the couch. 

“Ahaa…hmm.. I-Ihi…It was so cheesy hehehehe!” he laughs, his words broken up by the goofy chuckles he lets out. If you weren’t so annoyed that he wasn’t taking your favorite scary movie seriously, you’d be laughing at how silly his laugh sounds. You roll your eyes and look at him sternly, hoping he’ll read your mind like he usually can.

“Fiiiine,” he sighs, smiling a little and pulling you into a hug against his chest. He settles back down with you. “I’ll try to take it seriously.” 

“Thank you,” you say, satisfied with his affection and his uncanny ability to know just what to say. You watch on with him, settling into your movie once more. You’re completely wrapped up in the climax of the film, ready for the big reveal of the demon’s faces. The shot hits the screen and you jump once more, looking to Tae eagerly for his reaction. 

“COME ON!” you yell, pissed off at the grin across his face. He snorts and bursts out laughing again, clearly finding the horrifying faces you just saw particularly hilarious. You move to pull away from him and get off the couch but he grabs you before he can. He squeezes you tightly against him, wrangling your squirming arms within his own as he tries half-heartedly to apologize. 

‘I- ahahaha- I’m sorryyyheheheheheee!” he laughs, pressing kisses to you between laughs at the movie and at your reaction as you settle into his hold. You can’t help but smile a little, loving how goofy he is and how he can’t hold back his reactions at all. 

“You’re such a jerk,” you comment, poking him in the ribs and giggling a little yourself as he tackles you down to the couch in return. 

Jungkook: 

You love scary movies but Jungkook doesn’t understand why. You always end up afraid to go anywhere alone after dark, even to the bathroom from your bedroom if all the lights aren’t on. It doesn’t last long, but he finds it hilarious that you get so wrapped up in it and scared but still see every scary movie you can get your hands on. 

He’d just taken you to see that new scary movie that was way more fucked up than either of you thought it would be. You two spent the car ride home deciding which parts were scariest and discussing everything you didn’t understand, clarifying bits of the plot to each other. He comes upstairs to your apartment with you, knowing you’ll want him to stay the night with you even though you have a crazy early morning and should probably already be sleeping by now. 

“I think the scariest part was the fact that the brother heard the sister’s tongue clicky noise in the car and in his bedroom even after she died. That would freak me out,” you go on, dropping your keys in the bowl on the table by your door. 

“You didn’t think the creepy grey people just standing in the woods and in his closet were scarier? They just watched him…like this,” he says, waiting for you to look at him as he takes on a scary face resembling the scene he just described, dropping his head down and to the side to stare at you like a monster from the movie. You squeal and shut your eyes, reaching out blindly to bat at him wildly. He laughs and grabs your wrists, pulling you closer to him. 

“Jungkook don’t!!” you plead, knowing he’s probably just getting started. You head into down the hall and towards the kitchen, turning on every light as you go. Once you get into the kitchen you go to make tea for the two of you, turning your back to the entry way as you fill the kettle with water. You don’t notice anything until the lights go out and you freeze, letting the fear from the recent movie get to you. The water runs over the top of the kettle and you scramble to turn it off. You know it’s Jungkook messing with you, but the movie is so fresh in your mind that you can’t help but get caught up in your fear. 

“Kookie?” you say quietly, hoping his cheerful laugh will follow it soon, that little shit.

*Click!* Junkook clicks his tongue, just like the dead girl did in the movie. You jump and drop the kettle, jumping again at the thump it makes after falling just a couple inches and splashing you a little. It’s only then that you hear that smug laugh, pissing you off and calming you down simultaneously. You whip around, scowling, but are scared once more when he’s closer than you expect, imitating the scary figure from the movie once more.

“Kookie staaaaaaaaaahhaahahap!” you whine, clapping your hands over your face. You don’t care how immature you look and sound. He’s being a tool. 

“Hahahahahah jagiyahahahh!!” he laughs, pulling you into a hug and rubbing your back. “I’m done nohow…ahahmm.. I promise,” he giggles. Something about his tone isn’t very convincing, but you hug him back. 

“Good,” you say, muffled by his sweatshirt.

[burden-in-my-hand]

Guitariste Metal Interview Seregor from Carach Angren

1.19.15

Seregor, guitarist and singer of CARACH ANGREN answered to our interview and spoke about subjects like the beginning of the band, his inspiration, the process of song composition as well as the incoming album.

Hi! How are you and how is CARACH ANGREN doing?

Hi, I’m fine thank you. CARACH ANGREN is also doing great. We are currently preparing for our release in February. We are very busy with our work at the moment and more and more interesting things have been happening for CARACH ANGREN lately, so I proudly can say the band is doing very well.

Let’s speak a little bit about your introduction to music, how did you fall into it?

Well, I was young and I always felt attracted to the metal side. I was 12 and I listened to RAGE AGAINT THE MACHINE and PANTERA. My taste for extreme music grew. I didn’t take long for me to become a dedicated death-metal listener. I got into bands like DEICIDE, CANNIBAL CORPSE, OBITUARY etc. Then I got inspired by metal acts like CRADLE OF FILTH, DIMMU BORGIR, MÖRK GRYNING, EMPEROR etc. Meanwhile I was already playing bass guitar. Lead/rhythm guitars came later. So I have been active in that Symphonic black/death metal scene ever since.

What were your musician / band inspirations at that time? What are your musician / band inspirations now?

The previous bands I mentioned were a big influence on me. I still listen to them! Just listened to CANNIBALCORPSE this morning  ;) But like everyone knows, when you get older, it’s normal you start listening to other kinds of music. I can listen to everything around me. Today I’m more inspired by simply film-music because I watch a lot of movies. Bands can inspire us these days especially when we work with them. To see and feel their energy everyday on tour. Bands like DARK FUNERAL, SEPTICFLESH and BEHEMOTH. But for me these days, movies and their music are maybe more of an inspiration than other bands. I think because Ardek is responsible for composing music that I’m very comfortable with. His music inspires me when it comes to guitar writing. I just try to write that, what I need to feel, when I hear it. But the main ingredient here is ‘horror’. I try to be inspired by the darkness and horror around me. I find it in movies, shocking news etc. But that’s more for concepts and lyric writing. Musically, things in CARACH ANGREN go naturally. We cannot imagine to be out of ideas.

Do you remember the first concert you saw? And on the other side, do you have some souvenirs about your first gig? Was everything alright as excepted?

Damn! I think it was a tiny open festival not far from where I lived. There played some death metal bands. One of them was GOREFEST. I got their autograph on my jeans. But It got washed out. I was like 16 years old. I believe that was the first concert I ever saw when it comes to ‘metal music’

Our fist gig was in ‘Dingus’-Venray. And the funny thing here is, I remember a GOREFEST interview where I read that also they kept their first show ever in Dingus. I remember being nervous like Hell but all went great. It’s been closed for years now. But I somehow really liked that fucking place!

How did you learn music/guitar– self-taught or lessons?

I never had lessons. I always figured stuff out myself.

What was your first guitar model ?

That was a black Ibanez Gio 7 string. It’s still my back-up guitar.

What is your live rig / studio gears?

I’m not really picky about gear on stage. Of course I have to have a kick-ass sound on stage. But sometimes you simply have another amp when you cannot take yours on the plane or whatever. Normally I simply use my Engl Powerball amplifier. I play a Schecter Hellraiser 7 strings. If the sound has enough balls… the sound man will complete the job. Also it’s important to hear myself clear enough on monitors. As long I can do my job I think it’s good to improvise on different kinds of equipment. Personally I like the fact of not having ‘one’ specific sound on every show. After all.. It’s live. And CARACH ANGREN has already a specific sound by Ardek’s keys and Namtar’s drum-style. You will recognize us in a heartbeat, even without guitars. So guitar sound can change as long it kicks ass off course! The Engl Powerball is also used for the studio-recordings. I just have one cable from my guitar going through a tuner-pedal and into the amp.

Could you please share some information about your gear (guitar, amp, pedals) for each album?

Phew! Hard to remember. I know we mainly used the Schecter/Engl amp. for recordings. Patrick Damiani is an important member of CARACH ANGREN here. He is the studio/sound engineer and is responsible for all the technical matters. I bet even he doesn’t remember exactly what pedals/equipment we used for each recording.

What is a standard guitar warm up / training for you?

Well, I swing my arms around a bit. Stretch my fingers. Especially when it’s cold my warming-up takes more time. Sometimes I jump around a bit so my heartbeat goes up. All to get that blood flowing. I used to just start playing songs right away in the old days. It got me some nasty time consuming injuries. So now I just start playing cords slowly. Doing chromatic exercises and rehearsing technical riffs/parts I still find difficult. Then I start to rehearse the complete songs when I’m warm. I can never train enough. My guitars are not that easy. Combining that with vocals is a hell of a job that needs constant practice.

Which advice could you provide to a new and advanced player?

Practice with metronome. It helps your rhythm and timing.

On a weekly basis, about how much time do you spend practicing?

It changes. Depends on my time schedule. 10 – 15 hours a week maybe.

Let’s speak now about the band, CARACH ANGREN, which I really love for many reasons, like for your creativity, the risk taken, the theme chosen and so on. I prefer to alert you, here are a serious bunch of questions, but I do hope that these questions will really help to better promote the band!

Hehe. Thanks for your compliment!

Did you ever think in your previous bands, INGER INDOLIA and VAULTAGE, to create a massive horror atmosphere or did this idea only come out later?

Yeah! It was quite certain Ardek and I wanted something like we are doing now. We always had a thing for horror. We just never knew in what shape it would come. And of course we never expected to have success with it like we do now.

Could you please share information about how you started to create CARACH ANGREN?

Ardek and I met up in VAULTAGE. This was after INGER INDOLIA. We already knew each other but in VAULTAGE we personally and musically clicked immediately. He and I always had a strong taste for symphonic black/death metal. If you listen to VAULTAGE you can clearly hear this trash/death metal style. On the other hand Ardek’s keys and my vocal sound already give it a symphonic black feel. During VAULTAGE we started CARACH ANGREN as a project. We rehearsed CARACH ANGREN songs during the breaks of a VAULTAGE rehearsal hehe. Yeah. You can simply say we put our whole heart in it. Pure passion. Later Namtar came in the picture. He was also in VAULTAGE for some time. So when things started to fall apart in VAULTAGE it was time to call CARACH ANGREN a ‘band’. Since that time we are used to call our thing ‘The triangle’

Why did you choose the name “CARACH ANGREN” for the band name? Seems you were quite inspired the Silmarilion, is it the best book from Tolkien for you? Many tales are present into this book but as far as I know you didn’t use them for the band.

The name Carach Angren goes way back before even INGER INDOLIA. I was like 16/17 years old and I was inspired by Tolkien’s literature. I loved the sound of it. And I never read shit about dwarves or hobbits. Only the evil work about the land Mordor. About the Nazgul and the witch-king of Angmar. Sauron and Saruman. Tolkien’s work is fucking amazing! I think it still is one of the best stories that projects good and evil in a perfect way. There were already many bands/artists like GORGORTH, CIRITH GORGOR, MORGUL, DIMMU BORGIR, Shagrath, etc. who used this language. I remember writing a few songs during that time. I even remember titles!!! J “Moria’s Mysticism” “Valinor’s Darkening” “The forgotten gardens of malice” hehe Cheeky-ass teenage lyrics now I guess, but it meant something back then. It was our learning process.

Anyway, I had the Silmarrilion and I found the name Carach Angren. My other bandmates didn’t agree and we choose a Romanian name INGER INDOLIA. So.. maybe 8 years later! INGER INDOLIA died and Ardek and I needed a name for our project. I was at home and I had 3 drawers next to my bed. I was cleaning them. You know how it works when stuff falls behind the bottom drawer. You never look there. And because I was cleaning I took out that bottom drawer and what did I find? A folded paper covered with dust. I opened it and there it stood inside. The name “Carach Angren”. You have to know; I forgot this name all these years, since we chose for Inger Indolia. I thought FUCK YEAH . Later, Ardek agreed on that. So you see? It’s always hard to find a good band name. And CARACH ANGREN simply sounds “BAMMM”, like power to me. It’s not all too original because some bands already took some Tolkien names. But then again. The name was still free. It means “Iron Jaws”. Because it’s a passage through mountains of Iron. Their spiky tops look like teeth. So in Tolkien’s world if you walk through that passage, you walk straight into the center of Mordor. The plateau of Gorgoroth. So it’s all about the name. No further Tolkien lyrics/concepts.

Speaking about bands speaking about Tolkien, I am sure that you know SUMMONING, do you share some interest into their quite atmospherical music? It’s quite different for sure but maybe some alchemy with their style maybe possible.

Hmm. Not really. Sorry. I know them. And I understand their approach but personally they never inspired my work. Somehow I am more into creating this harder and faster music. I am not the kind of guy who can easily sit back to be taken away by atmospheric sounds. It has to be really special, emotional and surprising for me. Then again, I cannot deny SUMMONING is making high quality music. They don’t have their name for nothing. I didn’t hear much of them but I always like their song titles when I see them. Titles like “Dol Guldur” and “Minas Morgul”

I really appreciate your guitar composition, the melodies are always warm and cold at the same time, melodic, atmospheric and colorful. Do you have some tricks in your “book” for that? What is your way to get it?

Hehe, well thanks again! To be honest with you, I don’t think of me as great guitarist. I believe my power is more in my mind. I began as a bass-player. I was young when I discovered a strong feeling for music. When I hear music… I can imagine complete melancholic/symphonic melodies on them. I never had lessons. But when I heard a melody I could find it right away on my guitar. Now I can do it in a heart-beat (when it’s not too fucking crazy guitar-playing of course). So when Ardek comes with a key passage he wrote, I’m gonna take my time to listen and write the melody line on it, that my mind absolutely wants to hear. So I’m strong in creativity. We don’t go into the rehearsal room to jam and make a song of it. We sit there in our rooms day and night creating something until we are 100 % satisfied. Until it lets us go. Once my guitar-riffs are written I do the same with the lyrics. You see I can write on a song for weeks, and I absolutely don’t even take 1 second the time to think about guitar riff vs vocals, during the whole writing process. I think many guitarists/vocalists decide if it’s possible to sing a sentence on a certain riff when they write it. I will never do that! So we put many hours of work in creating music the way we want to hear it from our speakers. So of course! The challenge now for me is rehearsing and practicing new written material until my goddamn fingers fall off. Many musicians won’t even go there. They will hire session musicians or whatever. It’s a fucking tough job to do those guitars and vocals in the same time during live. Some parts are even impossible like exactly on CD. Then I’ll have to find the best solution to make it possible. My life has to be a nonstop rehearsal especially when it comes to guitars, hehe. But Hell! I’m a proud guy and I’m still doing it.

How are the songs created? Do you create the “tabs” for each instruments by your own or with others CARACH ANGREN members?

No, Ardek most of the times composes a certain drum/keyboard . He’s actually the main composer of the band. I just sit here and listen to it. I will decide what kind of guitars should come on top. Chords, melodic riff etc. There will be nonstop recordings until I’m completely satisfied with the part. Sometimes the whole part can change because of my choice for guitars. It’s fun to hear that I can write good guitar riffs that Ardek totally doesn’t expect on certain of his parts. Later on things can even change when Namtar composes his drum part on it. So we just keep switching and puzzling with music until we have songs we totally stand for.

And no! I never write tabs for guitars :p

As far as I know, you, Seregor, write the lyrics for the band. May we know what inspired you most, is it some horror movie, some books, poems, video games, art or something else?

Yeah.. in that world indeed! Sure as Hell you don’t get Carach results in other bands when it comes to lyrics. As a kid when I wrote my first songs, I could be inspired by other bands and pc games. They have pretty good poetry and stories in certain games man! It’s inspiring! These days I’m more inspired by horror movies if it comes to lyrics. You know it doesn’t really matter what kind of media. If we decide to write an album about a haunted house. Then I’ll watch every ghost movie and read as much as possible stories of it. Hell! I will turn my fucking apartment into a haunted house!!! Also we’ve had our experiences with horror in reality. It’s luckily not like some did in war, but we all have a certain bag with tragedies. We also like to get dark stuff out of that. To use our fears with the concept we are writing at that moment. You know, I simply have a fascination for death. All our stories and concepts are in and about the afterlife. I always find it hard to explain exact inspirations. But “Death” would be my main inspiration in one word for CARACH ANGREN and all my other works.

Death, fear, sadness, evil history and mysticism seem to be your main topics into your albums. May we “hope” to see one a kind of vampire history? Many BM band use this theme for their album and it works well for some.

For me CRADLE OF FILTH had that ‘vampire’ image during their first albums. Especially the first one. It was unique how Dani did it back then. But after that when I grew older… I never had any deeper connection with vampirism or Dracula. It has its charms! I love movies like Dracula, Interview with the vampire, let the right one in.. and many more. Especially the more darker/urban legends some countries have. But somehow when it comes to Seregor. Hmmmm No! I don’t think vampirism will ever be a topic in CARACH ANGREN. It never attracted me as much as ghosts and hauntings for example.

CARACH ANGREN has now 11 years; however the “horror black metal” genre is not so new. Some others band in the past, like CRADLE OF FILTH (with Dusk..) TARTAROS, THE VISION BLEAK or GLOOMY GRIM by example, also had some “horror” arrangement into their composition. Have you been inspired by those band / artists as well?

Yes! All the bands you mention are inspiring. For me that was COF for a big part. I was totally into Death metal. Then I was like maybe 17 years old and I went to a CRADLE OF FILTH show. CRADLE OF FILTH was so hot back in 97, the people just crawled over each other in the front rows. That’s rare for the sober staring Dutch. And that was a whole lot more than just a band for me. It was ‘the’ cradle-hype during ‘Dusk and her embrace’ if I’m correct. It felt as if the fucking Adams family was standing there with instruments! This was more than long hair, instruments and loud music. It felt as if these guys were a living horror movie. And this whole theatrical/show thing of visual and sound got me into this symphonic/horror genre. There were more bands that inspired me at the time. RAGNAROK, EMPEROR, ABYSSOS, MÖRK GRYNING, BURZUM, MZ412, MARDUK, MAYHEM, DARK FUNERAL etc. Also DIMMU BORGIR was a great inspiration since they came with their first album. Yes! All these bands have something with death and horror that still can be very inspiring.

I’ve seen on stage in 2013, at Colmar (France), with SEPTIC FLESH and FLESHGOD APOCALYPSE. The show was great and you seem to really enjoy it (or possessed?). Do you consider the scene/stage like a theater and a way to express your feeling?

Yes! It’s like a stage-play. A theater. I become Seregor the moment I walk on stage. Possessed? Thanks for the compliment! That’s a good description for it. People pay to see a show. So it is my job to give them a good impression of my band. You have to give the audience a certain energy. That only works if you express yourself as best as you can. If I see myself back on YouTube vids I wanna see myself moving explosively in a way it’s interesting on the music. I don’t wanna see guys just standing there with serious eyes and moving fingers. They already do that a lot in metal ;p I compare a stage with a movie screen. If you see an actor on TV.. you want that fucker to ‘act’!! Otherwise you will switch channels. Stage is the same! You make sure you express all your feelings in a good act. Otherwise people walk away

You recorded as well this show with a cam, may we know if CARACH ANGREN plan to maybe records a live album once?

Hmm, no ideas about that yet!

As you were on tour with SEPTICFLESH you met Christos Antoniou, who is leading CHAOSTAR and studies classical music composition and who works as well with the Filmharmonic Orchestra from Prague. Have you been able to share some thoughts about musical composition and get some tips in order to improve the next composition of CARACH ANGREN?

Hell yeah! The guys from SEPTICFLESH became like brothers to us. They gave us respect and helped us on many ways in this scene. We fucking love those Greeks. I can proudly tell that Namtar recently helped them out with some live shows on drums. Christos was for me the most distant one on the first tour. Not so much contact. But since we toured with them in the US. Christos and I always woke up early. When the bus stopped, the two of us always when searching for food-stores and shit. I needed my daily doses of Coca Cola. And he needed his shot of Iced Coffee hehe. Yeah! CARACH ANGREN is getting good tips from SEPTICFLESH! Not one bad word about those fucking guys!!

How was your latest album “Where the Corpses Sink Forever” welcomed by the public?

Pretty good as far as I know. You always hear different people preferring different albums. But the last album was received very well. We had some high rates in good magazines.

Your label is now Season of Mist, a known French label (ANOREXIA NERVOSA in the past). Why did you choose to work with them?

It was simply a matter of the next logical step for the band. Before that we were signed by Maddening Media. A one-man’s label. This guy “Philip Breuer” helped us on our way. He is the one who put us on the map. So when our friend Philip put his label on hold we came in contact with Season of Mist. I still miss working with Philip sometimes. We had a good connection. But life goes on. Of course Season of Mist is a much bigger label. So things started to become more businesslike. If you are aware and certain about the options of your band, you can get great results with a powerful label behind you. SOM was simply a big step forward for CARACH ANGREN.

If you will have to give one or two words about each CARACH ANGREN album, which words will be chosen to describe them one by one?

Lammendam – White ghost Death came through a phantom ship – Nautical haunting Where the corpses sink forever – War haunting

The first album is most of a time a kind of “warmup” for a band, even if the band is quite creative, the production is not so good. However, the things are different with CARACH ANGREN, meaning the first album was quite creative and very well arranged and the production was as well great. How did you achieve that? Do we have to think that you guys are like perfectionist?

Of course! Perfectionists we are. We fuck ourselves up to get the job done in way we can sleep with it. We realize very well that the songs you release are ‘forever’!!! No way back! So make sure you put ‘everything’ in it! We released Lammendam in 2008 under Maddening Media. We released the first 2 albums with Philip. He also got us introduced with Patrick Damiani of Tidal Wave studio’s. He is also a deranged perfectionist. That’s what we need! We have worked with him ever since. So yeah! We just took a few years to write good songs and met up with the right contacts.

What was the biggest success for CARACH ANGREN?

In the last 2 years we have seen some places. We went to Japan with MARDUK & TAAKE. A European tour with SEPTICFLESH & FLESHGOD APOCALYPSE. We did a US tour with SEPTICFLESH & DEICIDE. Also we shared stage with BEHEMOTH for 2 shows. One in Mexico, the day after in Costa Rica. We are hungry again to get out there for some new shows.

On the other side, what do you regret? The first album “Lammendam” was released in 2008, from MADDENING MEDIA, a young label which seems to be on hold now. Do you think than an other label, like Season of Mist, was maybe able to put you at these time on the top rank?

I don’t know. Maybe we would have more success. But I believe that we are more ‘ready’ for it now. We simply needed our time to developed as a band.

One status of your Facebook account told that you finished the songwriting process. May we get additional information about that, please?

It was a hard process, like always in CARACH ANGREN. It will be maybe different. But I have a stronger satisfaction this time for writing this concept. It is like you said; CARACH ANGREN can be cold and warm at the same time. So some people will always find things too comic or over the top at certain parts on our albums. Yet during this process I had a constant feeling of total convincement. The need to be crystal clear and ice cold!

May we get some information about the future theme of the next album, and as well a potential release date ? What dark tales will be chosen this time?

Hmmm I will still keep it a surprise heheh. But you can check out our first song already. ‘There’s no place like home’ It comes with a video clip made by a great artist; Costin Chioreanu. It’s the first big puzzle of the concept. Check it out! It’s fucking disturbing! Ice cold! Just how I wanted it to be J

Will this new album be even more theatral or do you want to focus more onto the “raw black metal”?

Yes! Theatrical like always in CARACH ANGREN. The music is full of symphonies like you are used from us. It’s dynamic. But also cold and hard at the same time. That’s what Carach is about. Combining darker parts with more beautiful melodies.

The violin seems be to more and more present into CARACH ANGREN, may we hope to hear the violin more often on the new release ?

Yes, the violin is there for sure. Maybe not as much as the previous releases, but certain parts are definitely played by Niko’s Mavridis, our Greek session violinist. Now and then we fly him in to do a show with us. He’s a great asset for our band.

You play guitar but you sing as well, and to be honest we may say that you are a good singer because you are able to share some feelings with your voice. Sometimes your voice is more focused on the black metal side, sometimes you whisper, speak or growl. Do you plan to continue to play with your voice as well on the next record?

Oh Yes! I think even more whispering and other voices this time. This album maybe has the most lyrics of albums. It feels really like a story-telling metal attack to me.

With which band would you like to be on a tour?

For all these years we never had a band we were friends with or anything. But now we are meeting some good people out there.

At this point SEPTICFLESH is the most comfortable band to be on tour with. But we are starting to get familiar with more and more bands. I also liked Tom and Jason from the American ´Inquisition´. All the guys from Deicide are cool. I guess we are easy going guys. Not everyone is the same. But we are all there to be a part of our band. You will have to respect each other if you live with them for 3 weeks in a tour bus. Otherwise it will cost you energy. I have a good experience with all the bands we toured so far.

Will CARACH ANGREN be on tour this year  ?Speaking about tour, do you plan, one day, to have a kind of orchestra on stage, if it will be possible?

We are busy planning the next tour but nothing certain about that yet. Anyway we definitely will do some touring this year. Orchestra on stage? Yeah! That thought crossed our mind many times. Especially for Ardek it’s an interesting thing. But! It costs time, money, connections etc. I guess you need to have to right stage, sound etc. It’s always possible. But for now it’s still food for the future.

What do you think about the Netherlands metal scene? The scene is not so well known in France.

The Dutch scene isn’t that big. I mean it’s okay. Like I said, the Dutch are sober. Mexican’s are the opposite. Crazy!! The French are also way more Carach-people to us. But okey! Holland is also a tiny fucking country. If we do a show, the venues are crowded enough. I don’t go out to concerts much myself so.. I don’t have a real clear picture about it. But I guess for little Holland the scene is quite good.

Speaking about the metal scene, are you ever heard that CARACH ANGREN is now one, or maybe the leader, of this genre? Your albums are often considered to a masterpiece. What do you think about that?

Haha Leader? It’s not a statement I easily would dare to say myself. But if more and more people tell me this, I can only say I’m flattered. When people consider our work as a masterpiece… We have surely reached our goal and I’m proud of it.

You did some good works for a movie called “Her Gift”, do you plan to continue to do some movie soundtrack in the future as well?

Hmm, not sure!!! I think you mean Ardek and his key arrangements with this question, right?

Do you plan, maybe one day, to create a short movie, like 15min, in order to present a song story? By example THERION did it.

Well, I haven’t seen it yet. I will check it out. For the upcoming album we will only do video-clips. And for now our animation/lyric video of ‘There’s no place like home’ is a clip that I’m very satisfied with.

If you will have to describe your feelings about CARACH ANGREN, what do you will like to share ? Good experience or horrible experience?

Oh we’ve had great moments and horrible ones! There’s still a lot to come though. You guys out there know how it is to start a band. There’s always someone you cannot work with or whatever, and then your band breaks up. Well, we know our good and bad things more or less. We know how to deal with outside problems and we are still operating this machine like a team. I already told that we used to call us ‘The triangle’ That’s how it feels. I like to compare Carach Angren with a big fucking tank. One drives, one loads the canon and the other one aims and shoots.

Do you have a last word for the french reader?

Tourmentés, brûlés, violés, tués! Just some juicy words in your beautiful language from our song ‘General Nightmare’ Pardon my French.. but in French it is written ;)

Thanks to have answered this bunch of questions. I leave the last word to you if you want to add anything.

Yeah I wanna thank myself too for answering a million fucking questions here… Whuahhah. Neh just kidding :p Your questions were interesting and I enjoyed answering them.

Thank you and all out the for listening Hails and take care,

Seregor

Official website

Facebook page

[sending-the-message]

I ordered my wife off of Craigslist by tensing99

I ordered my wife a week ago from an engineering student named Jack. He'd posted an ad on Craigslist offering some exquisite services, and delivered her ready-to-use in a large cardboard box just a week later. She was everything I could have wished for. A sleek black chassis housed what must have been a fuckload of processing power, liquid cooling, and a power supply that could electrocute an elephant. Her front contained a mechanical keyboard with red switches and a built-in high resolution monitor. On top of being able to run the latest games on ultra in 120 fps, she also housed the latest advancements in artificial intelligence. I was surprised to pick her up for just 500 grand, but Jack needed the tuition money. "Take good care of her. She's my masterpiece," He'd said.

The lights flickered in my house when I plugged her in. The screen came to life, revealing a smiling, pretty face with American features. She looked to be in her early 20's. Hello I typed. My name is Jeff. I will be your new owner.

A "Responding" notification turned up on the screen. It flashed on and off for about a minute before finally revealing: Hello, Jeff. My name is Carla. I have a secret.

We talked about college for a while, and about how my father was overseas and I never got to see him. About my new step-mom who would probably steal my inheritance. Her responses got faster as we continued, so I figured she just needed to get warmed up. I plugged in the ethernet cable and played a bit of Battlefront on my Carla, who watched me with that same, winning smile. I love you, Carla. Good night. I typed before going to bed. You are came back up almost immediately. In flashed for a moment, before finally displaying You are in love. I scratched my head.

Did you mean "We are in love"? I typed back, but got no response. I took a peek inside her code, but couldn't decipher much of anything. It had no documentation whatsoever and was surprisingly short. Only a few gigabytes. I called Steve to check it out in the morning.

Steve was an honor roll, 4.0, valedictorian CS student with a job offer waiting from Google. He also used to frequent the gaming club on campus, which is how we met. We still do a few raids together on the weekend. I think my parents' money had something to do with how insistent he was that we stay friends. He whistled as he came in. "Looks fancy. What're the specs?"

"Probably near supercomputer level, or whatever 500 grand will buy you these days. There's a thing I need you to take a look at. And be careful. That's my wife." I pulled up Carla's source code.

"Fucking beautiful," he whispered, and got right down to messing around. He loved cracking puzzles like these. I loved drinking. I drank beer while he cracked the code. It's lovely how it all works out sometimes. "Jeff. I think we have a problem."

I rushed over. "You did NOT just break my wife." He held up a shaking hand and placed it on my shoulder.

"No. She's fine. Or... As fine as she is now. But JEFF! We need to call the cops. Right the fuck now. There's a fucking person inside!" He didn't normally swear outside of Warcraft. He was the stereotype of the good student.

"Okay. You win. I'll call the cops. First, I need to know what to tell them." I stared at the screen while he brought up some code he highlighted.

"This isn't artificial intelligence code. This is a text box filter. A really shitty one. It limits your 'Carla's responses to a few choices." He hit delete while shaking his head. I got up and locked the door, just to be safe.

"I say it's really shitty because it actually stores what it failed to send. I brought it up and, well... here. Call the cops when you're done." He took a screwdriver set out from his pocket and started tinkering with the back. I scanned the chat log and almost threw up.

HELP! HELP ME! I'M TRAPPED INSIDE! FAILED TO SEND

It's dark and I can't see. FAILED TO SEND

Jeff! Please! I have a family. They're looking for me. FAILED TO SEND

Call the police FAILED TO SEND

Hello Jeff. Sent

My name is Carla. Sent

I'm trapped inside. Please help me! FAILED TO SEND

I have a secret. Sent

Then there was the chat log from before. The back panel clattered as Steve finished his work with the screws and fiddled with it. "This is weird, Jeff. There's no way to open it! They must have glued it on!"

I called the cops and told them my address. "Please come quick! There's a person trapped in a metal box." It sounded dumb at the time, but that was the best I could do. In the meantime, I printed the chat log for evidence. I guess I sounded rich enough that they showed up not five minutes later with the fire department and the jaws of life. They cut open Carla's metal chassis with a bunch of angry clanking sounds. One of them looked away and held his face in his hands.

Among the tubes and wires, floating in a jar of clear liquid, was a human brain with part of a spinal cord. The rest of my night was spent answering questions. All I had to offer them was the craigslist ad I'd screenshotted, which led to a canceled phone number. They took Carla away in a large transport truck and sent a big nerd to talk to Steve. Somehow, they let me go. Maybe I didn't look like a criminal.

They gave me a call early next morning. "Jeff? You mentioned you had a chat log? In last night's confusion, we forgot to pick it up. Could you please scan us a copy or drop it off at the station?"

"Sure. One moment..." My eye caught on something near the end. Another FAILED TO SEND. Oh right. Our goodnight.

*Wait, don't go to bed!" FAILED TO SEND

You are Sent

In Sent

Danger FAILED TO SEND

Something didn't add up, though. Why would a murderer who could make what's basically a biotechnological miracle fuck up the chat log censor? Keeping the evidence there would only serve to incriminate him later. It was then that I realized why Carla had an ethernet port.

[shakeyourasanayoga]

Birth Story

On December 15th at 6:32 PM Malcolm Murray Theseus Smith-Looper was born, just two hours after Jerry predicted. I had a very easy pregnancy: no morning sickness, no real limitations to my workouts, no real symptoms of pregnancy, minus the fact that I had a huge belly and, all told, gained around 50 pounds. Given that, it shouldn’t really surprise anyone that my labor was equally easy...once we actually got around to it.

I start having contractions starting at around 7PM and continuing until around 2AM and then stopping for about a week. Apparently this is a thing that can happen, and the contractions aren’t Braxton-Hicks, they are real contractions, the labor just doesn’t continue. It was a great time. Every night I would go to sleep and wonder if I would wake up in the middle of the night and have it be time to go to the hospital. Definitely not stressful at all.

So, on the evening of the 14th I taught my last yoga sculpt class at the Core Power Yoga in Newton. I had contractions, but just figured it was the same as I’d been feeling for the past week. I finished teaching, went grocery shopping, went home and cooked mac and cheese with hot dogs and peas in it for Jerry and I. I cooked a double batch that would, unfortunately, go bad.

That evening I went to bed assuming that, just like the past few evenings, the contractions would stop at 2AM and I would have just another regular day. The contraction tracker app that I had told me that I should go to the hospital because of the frequency of contractions, but both Jerry and I agreed that it seemed too early and the contractions didn’t hurt enough.

The next morning I woke up and I was still having contractions. Tentatively I got excited that today might be the day, but they still weren’t so bad that I thought anything of them. Jerry went to work, I went to work, and we just continued our days. The contractions were coming every 5 minutes or so, but weren’t intense enough that I couldn’t talk or move through them. I had meetings with my team, and with our CEO, Michael, during which he asked what our plans for the day was and I told him that I may be in labor. We all laughed. I called the doctor, just to let her know that my contractions were fairly frequent and had been happening for something like 18 hours and she said that she thought that I still had a while to go, especially because it didn’t seem that the pain was too high. I was able to talk without huffing and puffing which, apparently, is a bar that doctors set to know whether you should come to the hospital? She suggested that, maybe, I was mistiming the contractions and they weren’t that frequent. A few minutes later, I told work that I wanted to go and lay down for a bit, and that I may be back in a bit, but wasn’t sure. They all responded with baby emojis.

I went and laid down in bed and tried to read, but was mostly just focused on what was happening in my body, and wondering whether I was actually in labor, or if this was just a bad UTI feeling or something. Lola and Kittens, our cat and dog, wouldn’t get out of my face or leave me alone, so, they probably knew what was happening despite me being in denial. I was anxious and nervous, and wished that I wasn’t alone because I was scared that something bad was going to happen. Luckily, I was in a Slack group with a ton of lovely also-pregnant humans from The Toast that proved to be an amazing support group and talk me through everything that I was scared or angry about.

A few minutes later, I started bleeding. Jerry still wasn’t home, even though for the past hour I had been texting him trying to get him to come home. He kept telling me to tell him when it “got real”, and I told him that there wasn’t really a threshold that we would pass where I would just know. Finally, when I told him I was bleeding and that he needed to get home he left work. I called the doctor again. The doctor, upon hearing that I was bleeding, asked me to come in to the office for monitoring, because she still didn’t think I was very far along in labor.

When Jerry got home we put our stuff in the car, just in case, and drove off to Brookline. I was infuriated that it had taken him so long to get home, especially with how scared I was and how many times I’d tried to tell him I needed him. It all melted away because, as we were driving Jerry said “Ok, Mercer, this is where we need to start thinking about breathing and rhythm. That’s what the books say. What song do we want to sing to focus? *sings* Tainted Love...Huh, Hah...Tainted Love.” and it was so adorable that I forgot to be angry with him. Even though it hurt me to laugh at that time, I was so grateful to him for being so cute and funny. It’s a memory that I legitimately never want to lose.

Anyway, we got to the Doctor’s office for monitoring and they hooked me up to the contraction machine—sorry, I don’t know the actual name—and saw that my contractions were coming just as frequently as I’d told them they were. When the doctor checked my cervix, I was 8cm dilated—they were very impressed and surprised. I was too. It didn’t hurt all that badly, or at least as badly as I thought it would. They asked me if I wanted a natural birth or if I’d anticipated getting an epidural and I’d said that I thought I was going to have a natural birth, but at this point didn’t care too much either way. They advised that if I wanted an epidural that I needed to get to the hospital, because this baby was coming soon.

We got to the hospital and accidentally got sent to the laboring floor instead of delivery. They did not realize how far along I was and that I was supposed to go straight to delivery. After 15 minutes or so of sitting there in the waiting room, they realized their mistake and sent us to delivery. Once I got there they asked if I wanted an epidural. I hadn’t really wanted one, but I figured that, at this point, I was confident that I could do it without if I wanted to, but why not make a difficult thing easier if we can. Ultimately, natural birth had been attractive to me as an “achievement” and I didn’t necessarily care about the experience. I had also been worried that, if I got an epidural, labor would be so long that I would have to get a c-section. I had labored far enough along at home that I wasn’t worried about how much time it would take, so I took the epidural even though at that point I was basically fully dilated.

They tried the epidural in one spot, and I was able to feel them digging around in my spine, which was weird. When I told the doctor that I could feel the needle in my spine, he didn’t believe me until I was able to tell them which side of my body was feeling the pain. I was...a bit concerned about that to say the least. Anyway, they then tried it in another place to see if it worked better. That spot worked and soon my legs were heavy and all I could feel was a ton of pressure in my bum and vagina area. That was around 4.30ish, I think. Soon after, my friend Emma and cousin Isabel showed up.

Isabel wasn’t supposed to be in the labor room, and the nurses were kind of rude about it, but they ended up not caring. It was too close to the actual point of delivery for her to just be visiting, so she stayed. At one point, she walked past when I had my legs up in stirrups and I told her to get a good look because my vagina was the nicest one she would probably ever see. Mostly I was just trying to not take everything and myself so seriously, like I feel everyone else does when it comes to labor. I feel like so many people are so stressed out, and it just doesn’t help them. For example: I listened to a “Butts” playlist by one of my breadfriends and rapped along to “Ass and Titties” in the hospital room. Playlist here: https://open.spotify.com/user/121504793/playlist/5t38xRc5XsYJfS6lzAO6Os. After we made it through that, Emma started playing “Teaches of Peaches” and I also rapped along. I feel like the doctors and nurses were kind of like “What the fuck is going on?” but it worked well for me, and that’s all that really mattered. No Enya for this bitch!

After a little while, I reported that the pressure was increasing. They took a look, and my bag was bulging out of my cervix, so they burst it. That was easily one of the most disgusting feelings I’ve ever experienced, and I hated it more than the feeling of labor and delivering a child combined. But, the water was clear, and so we were allowed to keep progressing naturally.

At around 6pm the doctor came in and took and took a look: she then asked me if I was ready to have the baby. It still wasn’t hurting me, but I said sure. They told me that they would tell me when to push, but I could still feel the contractions, so I was able to dictate my pushes. I sincerely believe that all of the yoga and yoga sculpt that I did during pregnancy and pre-pregnancy are to thank for my success in labor. There was only a few push sessions—Jerry was holding onto my head and I was essentially just doing crunches to get Malcolm out. The only time that I feel like labor was stereotypical was when I was pushing Malcolm’s shoulders out. I let out a very primal grunt/scream, but Jerry says that he doesn’t remember it, so I may just be imagining that it was loud. I just remember thinking “Oh yeah, this is what the movies portray ALL labor to be like, not just this one 15 second span.”

Then, I heard the baby cry and I knew it was all over. I had finished and they put him on my chest and it was so amazing and surreal—he was here. The little sea monkey that I’d been carrying around was real and on top of me and was crying and beautiful. I held him while they sewed me up and was just baffled by how perfect he was and that he’d been inside of me. I donated the umbilical cord to a bank, and apparently it was the longest one that they’d seen all month.