#I finished her playthrough last night and listen. I love her.

[kogiopsis]

Mahri Laidir + most in-character lines

Bonus: you thought Thedas didn't have guns? Think again...

[rjjameshiii]

RJ's Platinum Collection #22: Night In The Woods

Achieved on 3/13/2023 at 11:11 PM

This is another game that I have already played and loved. I played Night In The Woods back when it first released on Steam, and I was absolutely in love with this charming - and secretly horrifying - game. So when I discovered that Night In The Woods was available on PS5, and with it's own Platinum, of course I had to play it again!

Night In The Woods sees you playing a 20-year old cat named Mae who drops out of college and moves back to her small hometown of Possum Springs. What starts off as a slice-of-life game slowly turns into a dark existential nightmare as Mae and her friends discover that something evil is slowly digging its hooks into the town.

Getting the Platinum is pretty simple, requiring 2 full playthroughs and two partial playthroughs. During my first playthrough, I did EVERYTHING. And I mean that. Every day, I explored every inch of town, and talked to every single person I came across, and looked at every possible thing I could look at. If you do that, you will unlock a majority of the trophies as they are all related to what I call "storylines" involving all the characters. If you explore everything, you'll also quickly fill up your sketchbook, as you need all sketches in the game to get the platinum, but you don't need all sketches on a single playthrough.

While you can talk to all the side characters as much as you want, you have to choose between hanging out with Bea or Greg at the major story points. For my first playthrough, I chose to prioritize Bea, and once I finished the Bea playthrough I had 20 trophies.

1/32: You Killed That Poor Roach - Kill the cockroach while poking the severed arm.

2/32: Welcome Back! - Complete Act 1.

3/32: Mother Of Vermin - Feed the rats once.

4/32: Miracle Rats - Feed the rats three times and cause an infestation.

5/32: Accidentally Good Dinner - Choose all the good options for dinner at Bea's.

6/32: What??? - Complete Act 2.

7/32: Maestro - Get a good score on all three band songs.

8/32: Poets of Possum Springs - Listen to Selma's poem in the library.

9/32: Jenny's Field - Go to Jenny's Field with Mom.

10/32: Echoes - Complete all five dream sequences.

11/32: RABIES! - Meet Rabies the possum on the bridge.

12/32: Best Available Friend - Complete Bea's friendship storyline.

13/32: Deep Hollow Hollerers - Unite the violinist and the saxophonist.

14/32: He's From Somewhere - Complete Germ's friendship storyline.

15/32: The End - Complete Act 3.

16/32: Changing Of The Seasons - Complete Act 4.

17/32: Thryy Wyrd Tyyns - Find all three pentagrams.

18/32: The Tooth - Give the Tooth to Dad.

19/32: Dusk Stargazer - Find all the constellations with Mr. Chazokov.

20/32: At The End Of Everything - Finish the game for the first time.

Next up was the Greg playthrough. This playthrough was a lot shorter since I spent less time exploring town and doing side stuff, but I did have to re-do Lori's storyline because I realized that I had accidentally skipped her final interaction, depriving me of her trophy in the Bea run. I also took some time to play the game-within-a-game Demontower, which you not only need to beat but get the true ending. I suggest looking up a guide for Demontower, it is very hard. But I beat it, then finished the Greg run, earning 10 more trophies.

21/32: Crusty - Eat someone else's pizza crust.

22/32: Knife Fight - Win the knife fight with Greg.

23/32: Brainshot! - Shoot the Forest God in the head.

24/32: Bass Ackwards - Get a failing score on all three band songs.

25/32: Demonpower - Beat the game Demon Tower.

26/32: Palecat - Beat Demon Tower and get the True Ending.

27/32: Let's Be Legends - Complete Greg's friendship storyline.

28/32: Horrorshow - Complete Lori's friendship storyline.

29/32: Hold Onto Anything - Complete the game a second time.

30/32: Make It Last - Complete every storyline in the game over the course of two playthroughs.

After two full playthroughs, I had all but two of the sketches. During your first hangout with Greg, you need to choose between a pig robot, a frog robot, or a rabbit robot. I picked the pig robot the first time around, but I had to partially replay the game twice in order to get the frog robbit sketch and the rabbit robot sketch. But once I did that, I unlocked the Platinum!

31/32: Seriously? - Unlock all sketches in the game.

32/32: Ride The Chariot - Get all the trophies in Night In The Woods.

Night In The Woods is a classic game in my opinion. I love watching people experience it for the first time, with all of its heavy themes and horrific plot twists - it's a truly remarkable game for being about a cat who drops out of college.

Rating: 10/10

[fiilemade]

▻ OBSERVATIONS: Kotone

( so a thing I really love to do is run my first playthough of a game ic from the perspective of it's protagonist, as I feel it lets me collect lots of little headcanons to flesh them out and really figure out how they feel in important moments. Kotone is no exception to this, so under the cut is some things that happened during my P3P playthrough! )

▸ almost chronically got sick after Tartarus missions or full moons, her health is something that will almost definitely get it's own post in the future. The longest streak she went without getting sick was, funnily, when Shinjiro joined the party, and sure enough it didn't last after he was hospitalized..

▸ DA MANNNN- Junpei was easily her first best friend, and we...accidentally fumbled Yukari so hard because we didn't unlock lovers until like halfway through- ( She's sorry!! Yukari is still someone she loves dearly, but. well. oops- )

▸ ..Jumping off of Junpei, hates the feeling of being watched. She never really got over the stalking incident, and that anxiety sat with her for a long time. Yakushima was particularly stressful at times because of it.

▸ Rarely swaps personas, actually. She dislikes changing off of Orpheus, viewing it as an almost betrayal to herself. While it's a rule she'll break when she needs to, this did have the payoff of Orpheus swiftly becoming an overwhelmingly powerful force.

▸ Chose tennis and the health committee!

▸ ...Was sick during the required practice sessions for the tournament, it was rough. ( Same with meeting Shinjiro for the first time, summer school, AND meeting Ryoji. Girl could NOT win- )

▸ Developed the habit of compulsively checking the dorm's rooftop door every night, oddly enough. It became part of her daily rounds, walking the halls in the morning and night to simply just...listen. See if she heard life in anyone's room, greet and check in with those she saw milling about. It stressed her when she couldn't find someone without having a reason for it.

▸ Almost took Akihiko's romance route. He nearly had it, but fumbled at the last moment ( which GOD I'm absolutely going to talk about later. Secret third flavor of mental illness unlocked that day- )

▸ Main team was Junpei, Akihiko, and Aigis!

▸ Was sick/tired for Genuinely half of November. I know I keep bringing up her health but like I'LL NEVER GET OVER IT. HER LUCK WAS SO BAD....

...and as a little bonus treat, here's the Orpheus she's rocking at the moment ( We have not actually finished the game ) ( This is during the Kyoto trip. )

[dairine-bonnet]

Tag game

It's been some time since I was tagged, but better late than never, I suppose! Thank you so much @marythegizka!!! I'm tagging nobody this time, but all who want to join in, you're welcome!

three ships: Ok, finally I have three ships I'm currently into, and all of them are from computer games: (OC Lynette) von Valancius/Heinrix van Calox (Rogue Trader); (OC Lillian) Farlong/Casavir (Neverwinter Nights 2); Revan (aka OC Alexandra Forst)/Malak (KOTOR).

first ship: Mamoru Chiba/Usagi Tsukino from Sailor Moon, I guess? I

first saw a couple of episodes in my childhood and momentarily fell in love with this couple! However, I have to admit that I changed my mind when I started watching season 5, where Seiya Kou appeared. Honestly, Seiya Kou/Usagi Tsukino then became my favourite ship in SM: probably, because Usagi reveals another side of her personality next to him, maybe, because Seiya is such an energetic, sarcastic at times, but still supportive and sweet character, maybe, because Mamoru lost some personality traits after season 1 and stopped developing as a character, imao. Perhaps, all the reasons are partly true. (Childhood memories, hehe! But I still find Usagi and Mamoru too different to be a couple for a long time, especially such long time as almost eternity.)

last song: Ok, it's difficult as there are plenty of them I enjoy every day! Foofallen (Warhammer 40,000: Rogue Trader OST); Sparks in the Dark (Warhammer 40,000: Rogue Trader OST); End of the Journey (Warhammer 40,000: Rogue Trader OST); I Want to Live (Baldur's Gate OST); Down by the River (Baldur's Gate OST)... At least, I've been listening to them on repeat today...:D And yeah, I've become a bit obsessed with computer games' OSTs. Again!

last movie: Hmmm... I rarely watch movies these days, so the last (animated) movie I watched was Spirited Away, I guess... I went to the cinema about a month ago to see it with my brother, who, somehow, hadn't watched it before!

currently reading: Well, I started reading Pet Sematary by Steven King a couple of months ago, as I'd heard it is even more intimidating in English than in Russian (it impressed me so much in my childhood!)... Frankly speaking, I haven't reached the scariest part(s) yet, since I stopped reading it due to work, personal problems and etc. Buuuuuuut I've read more than a quarter of the novel and definitely intend to finish it! Hopefully, this year!

currently watching: Some parts of Rogue Trader playthroughs if it even counts!:D

currently eating: Black tea without sugar.

currently craving: Money it is!:D Apart from that, the opportunity of attending Art classes in the nearest future and the ability to develop the ideas in my mind into completed fics.

[vulpixelates]

replaying ac valhalla w the wife immediately after finishing the main quest because she wanted to try a different build and i'm noticing so many things that i didn't pick up on before for various reasons

the beginning is. so sad now that i'm emotionally attached to eivor. i literally sobbed? tbf i'm also a hormonal mess rn but i SOBBED

being able to go back to eivor's old home in-game was such a good example of environmental storytelling. the overgrown vines, the sword still in the windowsill, eivor's voice lines talking about her childhood and the night her parents were killed... so good.

we hadn't ever listened to the crew telling stories on the longship until the very end of our last playthrough bc we had never figured out how to add the acquired crew (birna, vili, etc.) so we were just listening to the same bragi stories over and over and turned it off. but this leads into:

DAG IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING LMAO. he literally just. lies all the time?? calls eivor the "glory hound" but is so clearly that himself to the point where he has to make up lies to keep up. i hadn't even noticed before bc he wasn't telling stories on the longship. but i truly love how the entire crew just laughs at him

[thescrapbookingscientist]

Bimonthly Media Roundup

-Cyberpunk Edge-runners (Anime) - Finished up Cyberpunk Edgerunners at anime night. Overall I think it was fine, I respect the unique character designs and animation, liked the soundtrack, and can respect the fucked up but realistic hyper-capitalist setting, but I can't say I really connected with the characters or was that engaged in the story as a whole. Lucy was fine, I liked her well enough, and in general the women had fun designs if little substantial screen time but I would find myself frequently zoning out as there wasn't really a mystery or engaging plot tension and I didn't care about the characters all that much when barely any of them cared about each other. That being said I don't want to be too harsh on it, it had some good parts, I liked the moon being called back as an escape from reality for example.

-Face Off (TV) - Wish that Netflix has the whole thing rather than just 2 seasons and some bonus episodes but it was nice while it lasted. The creativity on display with a lot of these creatures is impressive and its neat to see the behind the scenes of how movie monsters are constructed.

- Fallout (TV) - Waiting to watch more before I make any judgements but I did quite like the first episode, it's a good setup with some nice tension and gave an appropriate amount of time to each character based on what's going on in their plots. Interested to see more.

- In Stars and Time (Video Game) - Watching the Jello playthrough, very delightful so far, I love Time Loop stories in general and the character art is very cute. Will likely say more as I get through.

- Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint (Webnovel) - Picked this back up to see if I could finish it before the anime comes out, I do quite like it but boy is it a long novel.

- The Apothecary Diaries (Anime) - Still having fun with this so decided to watch the English dub partially as background noise but partially because I just want to see it again.

- Pokemon Infinite Fusion (Video Game) -Been utterly obsessed with this game since I downloaded it, a pokemon fangame where you can fuse pokemon together to make unique new creatures. Not only are there 200,000+ possible fusions with a lot of really cool/cute/weird/horrifying/funny sprites, but it's also a genuinely good game with side-quests, fun dialogue, an original plot, and nice art all around. It's also free, which is insane. Only downside is that I have to play it on my PC, destroying my back.

- One Piece (Anime) - Yup.

- Genshin Impact (Video Game) - Somehow randomly got Kazuha when trying to pull for Yan-Fei constellations. I mean I'll take it, wow, he's been quite fun to play so far even if I'm pretty indifferent to him as a character. Anyway nice to see Rosaria in the event, she's pretty cool with her perpetual eye bags.

Listening To: How Did You Love by Shinedown, Give Up Your Dreams from The School of Rock, Everything Goes On by Porter Robinson, All the Boys by Panic! At The Disco, Willow by Taylor Swift, Rose Colored Boy by Paramore, Her Diamonds by Rob Thomas, Stray Italian Greyhound by Vienna Teng, Hey I Don’t Work Here by Tom Cardy, Pierrot by Kei, and Can’t Catch Me Now cover by Annapantsu

[meltykarasu]

Final Fantasy VII Remake Advent Calendar — Dec. 9

I realize I switch tense a lot with these. I'm sorry.

Cloud and Aerith stop outside Sector 7 for a moment. Aerith talks about her first crush, who was the same rank as Cloud was — but when Cloud hears his name, all that he perceives is static.

Anyway Aerith opens up a passageway to Sector 7 right before a chunky purple freakwagon bearing Tifa inside trundles past them. Cloud jumps on the back. Tifa is dressed to the nines and tells Cloud she's going to see Don Corneo, the head of the nearby red light entertainment district, Wall Market. She tells Cloud to regroup with AVALANCHE in Sector 7 and she'll be back soon.

Aerith hears this and decides, no, they should probably go after her.

Wall Market is a maze of dense streets and things to do. Beelining for Don Corneo's mansion gets the pair stopped by flunkies who say "No, Don Corneo won't let anyone in unless they're a bridal candidate." Aerith says "Okay, then I'll be a bridal candidate."

This leads Cloud on a chase all around Wall Market. Now, doing certain things leads you along a different route with different results, but here's the overall sitch as it pertains to this playthrough:

Cloud goes over to Andrea Rhodea whose appointments are booked for three years straight. He goes to Chocobo Sam, who uses a trick coin in a toss. Then he goes to Madam M, who says, sure. If Cloud and Aerith compete in the Corneo Cup and win her a million gil.

They go to do that and bash their way through the tournament — but at the last minute Corneo springs a bonus match at them against another fantastic setpiece boss: Hell House.

Hell House's fight really relies on you bringing a materia of each major spell element. Guess who forgot their Fire materia in their locker? It was me! It was agony and I burned through a lot more MP than I should have and it got way too down-to-the-wire. But I won!

Madam M says, okay, Aerith, let's get you changed into an extravagant dress. Cloud, go do some busywork.

Cloud goes and does busywork — mostly running around town in a big long quest referencing all the subquests from Wall Market's original iteration (see my earlier let's plays for more details). He also stops at the gym and does squats and yes I did do them to the point of getting the trophy and yes I'm calling it a trophy even though I'm playing on Steam so they're "achievements" and YES I listened to the Rocky IV training montage song while I was doing it.

Anyway so Cloud finishes all this up and goes back to Corneo's mansion. Aerith shows up in a gorgeous red dress and Cloud is now kind of realizing he's sending in this young woman to a crime boss's den and is getting cold feet.

Aerith says, "Well, it's a good thing I have a plan."

See, that tournament victory against Hell House earned Cloud a personal invitation from Andrea Rhodea who is going to put Cloud in a disguise and then send him to Corneo as the third bridal candidate of the night. And he's going to do this live on stage, preceded immediately by him and Cloud having an elaborate dance number.

Have I mentioned how much I love this game yet?

[strangerays]

Nothing in Particular Update #2

It’s the Nothing and Particular and Everything update part two: the electric booglaloo. This one is long, so strap in.

It’s been a while since I wrote an update for this story. To be honest, this one gave me a lot of stress, but here I am! Writing this story feels like it is going very slow. I keep telling myself I’ve made a lot of progress (which is true, I have) but for some reason it doesn’t feel like I have? This is likely just my own insecurity. To be frank, I can’t believe I’m still writing this story. If you had told me in February that I’d still be writing this when the weather got warm, I would have laughed.

I am SO excited that I will finally be able to focus on writing now that I’m out of school. I’m afraid to speak the rough deadline that I’ve given myself for this story (the end of August-early September) but now that I’ve spoken it into existence, I hope I can finish! (I hope I can stop watching dumb videogame playthroughs and listening to The Magnus Archives and get something done)

Here is a link to the story introduction and previous update!

TAGLIST (ask to be +/-); @wannabeauthorzofija @a-completely-normal-writer @baguettethebooklover​ @corkytheguar @writeherewaiting

STORY CHANGES/THOUGHTS/IDEAS: 

Here is a big one: I’ve been trying to write this story for myself. I started writing Ray’s story from a place that was personal to me, but I feel like, as that part of myself has begun to heal, I’ve started to think about what a reader would want out of the story. I’m realizing that this is my story so it has to be what I want. Drafts are drafts for a reason, so I’m going to try to get better at letting myself explore what is fun to me.

I always thought I was a discovery writer (I still sort of think I am) but as I’ve finished small sections of the story, I am finding that it’s very helpful to do a rough outline of scenes in upcoming chapters. (I also recommend turning to this if something doesn’t work and you need to retrace your steps!) Just helps me feel more organized!

Jude’s character has got to be one of the most difficult personalities I’ve ever written. Putting her beside Ray just makes it harder. Where Ray is secretive and keeps to herself, Jude is ready to unpack her entire life’s story to anyone. I find that I really have to slow down when writing their interactions. I know this is going to be nowhere near perfect in the first draft, but I think it is a main contributor to my slow writing.

I really like this little narrative I’ve created in the background of the main plot with Ray and Lonan. I love writing these scenes because it’s a way for me to use Lonan when he’s not actively with Ray and to show why Ray is predetermined about things at certain points. Also I love their friendship so much <3

CONGRATULATIONS TO ME on starting to read again because I forgot how much of a help reading other people’s stories can be when you’re struggling with your own oml

I now have a set timeline for the story! Takes place ~4-5 months.

I did that thing where you write a letter from the characters’ perspectives and that was kind of fun

Also just for fun I thought I’d add in that I spent an hour and a half last week filling up a page in my sketchbook with diagrams of the plot. It feels good to be a mad scientist

EXCERPTS UNDER THE CUT!

*At this point, I’m only sharing writing that I am really proud of in order not to spoil the story! This is because I am unsure whether I want to publish this story someday. With that said, that does NOT give you permission to steal my ideas!

CHAPTER: NIGHT CRIES

#1

In the last week of summer, I did everything I could to avoid post-vacation blues. I rode my bike along the gravel roads with no destination, wore my dark sunglasses to people-watch, and fed salami to the minnows that floated on the cusps of boulders. Usually, I sat still for so long that my elbows turned a deep shade of red and the blood in my toes buzzed.

New pockets seemed to open up in Point Blink every day. And with them, came new people. Most of them were older – a middle aged woman who caked her lipstick on, an uncle estranged from his brother, a couple who had miscarried. I hadn’t forgotten about the kids at Mothouse. It was impossible not to think about them. It wasn’t just that I’d never seen them before.

#2

The girl’s limp cigarette bled a trail of smoke that seeped into my Vans. My shirt folded like skin over my bed post. Haunted the room – foiled my mauve sheets and teased my locks. Swept the curtains apart and heated the oak floor. Beams of moonlight leapt to my bookcases; highlighted the posters from various podcasts and bands that I listened to. Wind whistled when I was too still. She forced me to look outside, onto the dark cul-de-sac lit by the reflections of forming rain puddles. No matter whether I sat at my desk or burrowed under my sheets, I felt out of place. She made my bedroom louder. She made my bedroom quieter.

I decided it would probably be best if I never saw her again.

To be honest, I don’t remember much about writing this chapter because it was over a month ago (sorry) but I’m still quite happy with the prose! This comes in after Ray sees Jude for the first time at Mothouse. Based on a first impression, decides that she might want be friends with Jude.

CHAPTER: SORRY

#1 

If you spend any long amount of time with someone, you’ll become a thief to their behaviors. If I stared long enough, trees began to replace all of the people we’d ever seen. Oaks had roots that serpentined the ground like children splashing in the bay, pines with needles like spindly old hands, maples with hollows like watchful eyes – all things Lonan had taught me to observe.

CHAPTER: GHOSTS

Then there was the sea – violent and knowing as it romped within bays and alcoves. She had eaten me many times before, both my father and Lonan too. Gulped them as if they were shining plastic wrappings left behind after a meal. I spited her for inviting me once again. I reached up again to grapple with the next rung. It twisted and offered a low whistle.

In these two chapters, Ray is on a photography trip with her class. This is the first time she’s been on this annual trip without Lonan. She left that morning with a goal of being independent and learning to get on with one of the only people she has felt close to. I realize now that the Ghost excerpt sort of sounds like her dad and Lonan have drowned?? Which was not my intention??

CHAPTER: A DIVINE INTERVENTION

#1

“Do you believe in ghosts?” A raspy voice teased from behind me. Cigarette smoke tickled the words, like they were stuck together with jelly inside of her. The question wasn’t particularly calming, but it strengthened my grip on reality. As if the foiled leaves, bark, and dandelions had sprung from the ground and begun to float, they came crashing back down.

I was made of stone.

“I’m not a ghost,” Jude said. “If I was, a ladder would be a pretty counteractive way to outrun me. I could just float up there and haunt you.”

“Maybe you’re a ghost,” she asked, her voice distant.

I shifted my grasp up and down the sides of the ladder. “What?”

“Don’t you believe in ghosts?”

I was reading back some of Ray and Jude’s conversation and there are so many snippets of dialogue that make me laugh because I totally forgot I wrote them... but UGhhH I don’t know if I want to share them because I don’t know whether or not I want to try and publish the story someday. Speaking of that, it’s sort of because it’s so personal to me? I don’t know (this is for future me to pursue) Honestly though, reading these back has made me really happy :)

#2

I wanted to shake her by the shoulders. She acted as though Point Blink could breathe – as though corpses in the cemetery might pull the grass away like dead skin, neighbors would draw blades, and blood-salt would stain her clothes rather than that from the sea. “Trust me, they’ll forgive you. But, I’m just saying, most people around here don’t care nearly as much as you think so. Most of them are way older anyways, so they’re tired of us.”

“Is that you complimenting yourself?” Jude asked.

“Not intentionally,” I said, “but I will take it.”

She laughed. “You shouldn’t be so nice to strangers.”

I wasn’t trying to be. I just didn’t think I wanted her to dislike me.

#3

“I don’t think it’s a bad thing or a good thing,” Jude said. “Being good gets you tucked into a thousand different memories. Being good makes you live a lifetime.”

I almost laughed, but then I wondered what I was to her now. “I don’t talk to lots of people.”

“Sometimes there aren’t many people to talk to. But I thought you would have loads of friends.”

I wasn’t sure what to say to that. “I thought you would too.”

Alarm like grief lit her eyes, but she laughed. I did too.

“You hardly know me,” she said quietly.

Then the girls explore some old newspapers and letters in a fire tower! Spooky fun!

CHAPTER: YOU LET THIS HAPPEN

This isn’t a major spoiler as it’s literally in the blurb I wrote, but Ray and Jude are caught (targeted..??)  in a fire. Ray is brought back to a field where she is questioned.

CHAPTER: NOTHING HAPPENS

He was quiet for several moments while he painted a picture with what little details I had given him, then said, “It’s unfair. I think that’s why it hurts.”

“Because we almost got hurt?”

“No. Because it came true.”

His gentle, ragged voice made me think I could tell him anything. Sometimes, I think that, even then, he knew I left something out.

Ray talks to Lonan after the fire... She’s being a bit dishonest about what actually happened.

CHAPTER: WHY NOT

I remember how the barest amount of red light glared across Lonan’s entire scalp and washed his boyish curls magenta from the roots out. When Jude leaned back on the counter, she melded into the darkness.

This chapter is just part of the narrative that I created with Ray and Lonan’s friendship. There isn’t much I want to spoil from it, but I liked this paragraph!

CHAPTER: INEVITABLE

“We didn’t do anything,” I said.        

“Someone did. Why won’t you believe me?”

 “I think I would remember whether or not someone was there with us,” I said, “even if we didn’t have the picture.”

This was untrue. I hung lots of photos in my room. A long time would pass before I went to a restaurant again, or a specific coven on one of the beaches, or an outfit that I wore, and I would look into one of my pictures and remember it, and then I would be quite angry with myself that I had almost forgotten that thing forever.

“I don’t think you understand what I mean,” Jude said. I didn’t like the way she’d lowered her voice. She sounded different every time I saw her. She reached out her arm so our photos were side by side and our fingers were almost touching. “I don’t think you want to.”

Ray finds herself alone in the school’s dark room with Jude. Based on the contents of one of her photos, she tries to convince Ray that there is more to the fire than what meets the eye.

CHAPTER: (this one is untitled)

I didn’t mind that he followed me everywhere. Even when he was quiet, I didn’t find it strange to be around him. We sat silently through films and went on walks. Once, he had fallen asleep while watching The Iron Giant in my bed. I didn’t know if I should wake him up once it ended. I tried not to stare at him. He’d rolled onto his side and bundled himself in one of my blankets covered in stars up to his shoulders so only his small face poked out like a baby owl’s. His soft breath messed his dirty gold coils. They were at their longest. Except for the ebbing light from a candle on my desk, my house was asleep – Lonan needed to go home.

For the first time, I wondered if anyone cared where he was.

Another small part of the little friendship narrative! (This really is the part of the story where I get nostalgic for my childhood, isn’t it) Ray starts to discover more about Lonan’s home life in this part of the story, but there’s not much that I think I want to reveal about that for now.

CHAPTER: THE CRUX OF IT

Why did I feel so paranoid? I found myself staring out the window, into the film of blue that the late sun shown onto the grass and trying to remember what summer felt like.

My main problem was that I didn’t know how to talk to Jude unless it was about Sugarfell. I ran from the hush of cigarette smoke behind closing doors and heard her loud voice in conversations. Even though there might have still been a part of me that wanted to be friends with her, I didn’t have much to base that feeling off of. I could have spent hours clicking the little pieces of her that I had together, but the crux of it was that I would never know Jude unless I forced myself to.

For some reason, that really scared me.

I spent all week trying to think of what to say to her. By Friday afternoon, I still had nothing.

I left off writing with Ray actively avoiding Jude’s little investigation into the arsonist. Ray doesn’t want to be involved in this because she feels that it will throw her sense of normalcy off course. She really just wants to learn how to adapt to a life without her best friend. (It doesn’t help that she’s got fresh trauma)

What will Ray decide? I don’t know. We shall see. (just kidding I know)

Sorry this update was longer! I think I would like to start updating more often than once a month just because they would be shorter and those of you reading this won’t forget what happened in the last update. There are thousands and thousands of words that didn’t show up in this update because - like I said - I don’t know whether I want to publish this story ever?? I’ll probably talk more about this in a separate update.

Thank you so much to those of you who read about my story! I hope you enjoy it!

:)

p.s. btw I now have a myWriteClub account! You can check it out here and stalk me as I tragically fail my writing goals!

[v-valerie]

A little spoiler-ish but I feel like we’re kind of easing out of that field with most people finishing the game, but here’s your spoiler warning!!!

This isn’t exactly a huge headcanon but one I noticed at the end of my first playthrough. My V started off as a streetkid, but of course met Panam and chose her ending. After you take in your last look of Night City and get in her truck, she has the radio going. I don’t know if this was different for everyone and I don’t know what song it was, but it was this older, jazzy song. It was slow and kind of gave me vibes that this is what Panam listened to and really enjoyed. So my thoughts are, Panam listens to older soft love ballads and classic R&B. Sharing this with V, regardless of their relationship, is big because everyone else listens to rock and Samurai, and it’s like her guilty pleasure. So imagine this little romantic head canon:

V and Panam drive out and in the middle of the night to a secluded spot - away from camp. They park and stargaze for a while, the radio in Panam’s truck softly playing music on 91.9 Royal Blue Radio. When that one song starts playing, You Don’t Know What Love Is by Chet Baker. Panam scoots out of the bed of the truck and lands on the ground before turning around. She’s got a hand outstretched and says in a goofy way, “May I have this dance?” And the two of them would. Dancing their way under the stars in the Badlands, a song reminding them of their last drive from Night City - away from the past. Just the both of them, and no one else.

[windandwater]

was tagged by @hurricaneoflies whose new url is going to throw me off for the rest of my life, we are both fellow ancient ones from the olden times when you had to pay to change a username and it’s even weirder when one of us does it. yeesh. (fully understand though! and it’s good one!) (although between this and @lies it’s starting to feel like all my tumblr friends are full of lies. who even are you people.)

Instructions are to tag people you want to get to know better or catch up with. I never follow rules. However I did end up I tagging a few people in this post while talking about my answers and they’re welcome to do this if they want, otherwise, as always, do this if you feel like it.

I’m not cutting this because I’m in a particularly rebellious mood idk.

Favorite color: a fact about me is that I don’t like picking favorites of pretty much anything even though I’m pretty solidly in the blue camp for color--still, I’ll go with what I’m into right now, which is that I’m kind of digging bright orange & yellow flowers for summer. I just got some for my main room and I love the way they brighten everything up and just feel kind of glowy.

Currently reading: Oh boy. I just finished a string of books and I’m at a loose end. So here’s some recs: Peter Darling, by Austin Chang, a trans & gay Peter Pan remix, The True Queen, by Zen Cho, a gay followup to Sorcerer to the Crown which has POC main characters and is very good (the plots are exciting and unpredictable in a very refreshing way), Ash by Malinda Lo (bisexual Cinderella), and then I reread the Tiffany Aching Discworld series which I loved even more this time--I was thinking last night that in the Witches books he drew the world of the Witches, and in the Tiffany books he made it sing.

Last song: Rod Stewart - Rhythm of my Heart. Make fun of me all you want but while walking home last light night from visiting @truncated-symphony, it was a nice listen in the dark. (Never will I roam / For I know my place is home / Where the ocean meets the sky, I’ll be sailin’)

Last movie: I haven’t been able to focus on many movies since the pandemic started so I think the last time I watched a movie was spontaneously watching Winter Soldier again with @brightontheoutside because she was talking about it as she watched and I was like fuck I love that movie I’m watching it with you. I know it’s a boring answer but I really really haven’t been able to watch a movie in any real way for over a year. Also it was so nice to watch it with her even digitally and without seeing her face or hearing her voice. I miss my frieeeeends.

Last series: I think this means TV? It’s been even longer since I’ve been able to watch TV, since before the pandemic. Somewhere along the way my attention span for it just snapped in half. I’ve really just been watching youtube. So! I’ve been watching a playthrough of Resident Evil: Village which is wild if you know me, I hate the horror genre, but for some reason this doesn’t apply to games? Especially when men play them? I like male fear. And when people are making sarcastic jokes while bad shit happens. I also have a soft spot for fantasy horor. So it’s extremely fucked up but I get why y’all are gay for the tall vampire lady. mad respect.

Sweet, spicy, or flavory: uh, all of the above. I have a hell of a sweet tooth but I wouldn’t say no to any of those. Spicy food has to be flavorful though and not just pure pain.

Tea or coffee: Do these surveys ever come up with more interesting questions? As usual: I don’t drink coffee, so yes, this is the only time I’ll pick. I drink herbal teas because I can’t have caffeine, it fucks with my anxiety and the anxiety drugs I’m on. I prefer fruity teas & hibiscus but I’ll try just about anything.

Currently working on: I’ll answer this like Jess did! Professionally, I am working on making some ebooks that I can’t tell you about because it would reveal exactly where I work but they’re both going to be beautiful when they’re done. I really wish I could say because I would love to tell people to buy at least one of them, I cried really hard while making it (because it’s so complicated, design-wise, I ended up basically reading it) for multiple reasons. If that makes you curious and you know me in real life, feel free to message me and ask--I just don’t want to say publicly!!

Personally, for fandom/the internet I am STILL working on my beast of a Legolas/Gimli fic. I had wind under my sails when I was still reading LotR (part of the reason I dragged my feet reading it was so I could keep writing) but when I finished I got a little stuck. I’m at the part where they’re reunited with Merry & Pippin and I’m working on Gimli’s POV of that scene but I haven’t cracked how I’m going to approach it. I need to think on a bit and I just haven’t yet.

For my real life, I’m also working on a long-term project (that wasn’t meant to be long-term! argh!) of removing the stain and re-staining a table that I’ve had since I was a kid. It was stained white because I wanted white furniture in my pink room but I’m A Grownup Now and the table was all dinged and dented and needs to be a new, less dingy color, that brings out the wood grain better. (White stain does not look good--if you want white, use paint. imo.) Also going to put a polyurethane protective coat on there so it doesn’t dent so bad in the future, the wood seems to be very soft and this table is definitely a working table that holds my internet router among other things. I finally got all or most of the stain off (after probably 2 years, I refuse to look up how long it actually took) (removing stain is REALLY hard) and I’m moving on to finer grain sandpaper at last. I’m both terrified and excited to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel and get to actually stain this thing--part of me definitely wants to be like “well there’s a spot of white stain here in the crevice of this joint no one will see better get it out and take another week” just to avoid making any permanent changes I can’t undo.

[originalcontent]

Well. Forgot to make our final pathologic post, because we did it, we finished the game. We just played all the remaining days at once. Not going to go super hard on the plot details bc if you know them then you know them, all I can say is holy shiiiiiiit this was such a good story/mystery/choice/everything.

First order of business: casualties.

All the children except Grace survived. When we had five panaceas, we chose Sticky, Murky, Khan, Notkin, and Capella, and we weren't able to find any more shmowders until it was too late. Taya was lucky and Grace wasn't. I feel kinda bad but also I don't know what more we could have done. God all of the kids and their final conversations when they all think they're going to die, they're so sad and sweet and I love them all so much.

The thing I'm SUPER bummed about is that Stakh, Lara, and Bad Grief all died. Like we did everything we could for all of them, but I'm still sad about it. One regret from this game is that I think we should have spent more time with them. I should have tried to make things right with them. I was so focused on the kids, and I don't regret that, but also I kept putting other things before them as well and I should have tried harder.

The other casualties were Big Vlad, Maria Kaina, Eva Yan, and Anna Angel, who was apparently a character but I think we literally never spoke with her in our playthrough. And Aglaya, although I don't know how we could have saved her either. Everyone else survived. I don't know the typical death toll for this game, but we did better than I was expecting us to, all things considered.

Oh wait, Nara's also dead. That wasn't an incredibly disturbing scene or anything. Like I'm getting ahead of myself a bit but jesus the kinfolk terrify me sometimes. My sister mentioned that it's probably a very different game if we commit super hard to exploring their plotline, and she's probably right. That whole sequence though... the blood, the hearts... it's a lot. I'm not going into detail bc if you've played the game then you already know what's down there, but hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I feel like replaying this game knowing everything would put a LOT of earlier conversations into new context.

Still! That was the only place we death spiraled this time! Death spiral escaped! That's probably due in no small part to the presence of the soldiers. Like yes they're terrible and them burning people alive is terrifying, but also we discovered the strategy that every time we were attacked by someone we could just have them chase us past a soldier who would protect us. We still had to sneak around a lot but overall it meant we had a lot fewer fights.

The polyhedron was gorgeous. We probably wasted a lot of time visiting it, but it was wonderful. I wanted to go back when all the kids were there but they didn't let us. Super into the earth/sky dichotomy of Notkin's and Khan's gangs.

Block was sure something. When I first met him he was meeting with my three [living :(] best friends but none of them would talk to me. Anyway. When he arrives everyone's saying they loved him, then later on we accidentally walk into the most obvious coup ever, and then the next day he's back in charge like nothing happened. And then on the last day there's this massive violent internal conflict? Plus the whole thing with him and Aglaya (weren't they working together in the prologue?) and plus they keep giving us heart attacks saying they're going to level the town and then changing their minds. Thank god for Changeling who was apparently the single persuasive voice in saving everyone? I guess? We've had our ups and downs but honestly she was waaaaaaay more reliable than Daniil at the end.

I told her I'd help her cure a patient in the hospital, but I didn't have any panacea or shmowder so in the end I couldn't, but afterwards I was glad I hadn't helped her. I already felt terrible I didn't have enough living blood for all the children when they were all spontaneously infected, and it would have been so much worse if I had been able to help another but I'd wasted it on a random person earlier.

... Is Aglaya in love with Artemy? Or are they just two agents who recognize said agency in one another? Everyone spent all game hyping her up as some sort of monster but she was my friend and she listened to me. And she died trying to save everyone I guess.

The kids...just. All of them. Notkin and Capella both told us to let them die but to make sure Khan was okay. Murky saying she'd loved Artemy since the first time she saw him. God everything they said and did I love them. I can't imagine playing this game as either of the other characters because I can't imagine going through this town and not carrying deeply about all the kids like this.

So I think...I think I made my choice long before I actually made the choice itself, you know? There was only ever going to be one choice.

Day 11 was the first and only day when I knew exactly what I had to do. I mean I guess it was in the stage directions and everything. Thank you dear Fellow Traveler for feeding us the night before--did you know we'd never visited the dead item shop until the last night? Probably would have made finding food and medicine a lot easier. But anyway, when the day began I didn't quite understand the significance of the stage directions because the Haruspex looking for couriers did not sound like the dramatic climax to the story that I knew this day was supposed to be. Still, I looked for the couriers.

I think I visited the three locations in the order I was supposed to. Seeing Daniil like that with his gun and bloody hands, sitting in a room of corpses...hearing him ramble...oh man I was so conflicted, this whole game I'd thought that even though I teased him, I would always ultimately back his plays because I trusted him and I knew that ultimately he wanted to help people too. Hearing him tell me what he wanted me to do then at the end of everything...he honestly scared me a bit.

The Changeling and I seemed much more on the same page at the end of everything. Being in the middle of a field with armed soldiers closing in from all sides was kind of terrifying though. I didn't stay to witness what she did with them. She’s okay though, she’s alive.

Wild goose chase for the final courier eventually took me to the bar where I met an injured bandit and was able to actually perform a surgery for the first time in the entire fucking game. I really enjoyed that because I'm supposed to be a fucking surgeon.

Meeting my understudy fucking killed me. I cannot BELIEVE that the final courier who was carrying the only file that could save the whole town was canonically murdered by the understudy of the protagonist. How the hell is that a real plot point, do you have any idea how much I adore that, that is more meta than literally anything else that has happened in this whole game. I fucking died. I definitely have been playing this game as Artemy rather than as Actor, and I think that made the whole scene even funnier. His whole thing about taking a new direction with the character, the whole "you're getting paid for this??", the fact that Artemy was so offended by literally every aspect of his existence that we didn't even know what to criticize. At the end I was like "yeah I'm definitely going to kill this guy" but we're nice people and we let him surrender. His inventory consisted of a rusty scalpel, a hazelnut, and a single piece of twyre, which was the most incredible parody of Artemy's inventory that I can imagine and killed me all over again.

The kin folk all met with me and begged me not to let them die. Maybe things could have been different, but again, I knew my choice and deep down I always knew what we were going to choose at the end. When you start the game, day one, there are two things that are immediately striking about the town. One, it's full of living folklore, and two, it's full of children, and those are the two things that make the town special and wonderful. When you look back on it all, there was only ever one way this could all end.

The dead courier (murdered by my own fucking understudy rather than an actual character, still dying) was a dramatic sight. It's lucky I had to sleep then or I probably wouldn't have found him.

After I made my choice, the disease tried to murder me. It infected literally every district I moved through, manifesting in every single passageway. I just chugged my tinctures and moved as well as I could, because fuck you disease, you are nothing to me. Obviously at that point nothing really could stop me. I considered saving in the cathedral, but what would be the point?

Day 12 was so bright and peaceful and nice. I could just walk around for once with no fear of getting lost or hungry or running out of time. I'm still really sad my childhood friends weren't alive to share it with me, but I enjoyed talking to everyone. My favorite little end conversations were Taya and Notkin for sheer adorable factor, Yulia so Artemy could say he wanted her to be the one to tell his story and to make it as undramatic as possible (fuck you Mark), Daniil because it was super cute and I’m glad that after it all things are okay between us and I got to make fun of him for trying to talk in my language, and Andrey and Peter because literally nothing made me feel better about my choice to destroy the polyhedron than listening to them complain about it.

And then the theater, where I talked to everyone who'd died and to Mark Immortell. He told me he'd need to try again with a different protagonist (gee I wonder who he could be referring to, such a shame we'll never know) and that I could go into the back and take off my mask now. I considered it for a bit, but it didn't feel right, so I decided that I was Artemy and I went back outside.

This game was wonderful. It was beautiful. It has such a fundamental understanding of what theater is and what makes something theatrical (lose me with your cinematic games, theater and cinema are completely different things and the former is impossibly beautiful but is also almost impossible to recreate when not in person). It's worldbuilding was immaculate, and for all the stress it caused I'm really happy for it.

I say this every time, but I love Artemy so fucking much. Give me a character who is a monster and a healer and who is full of anger but also so much love, and then just have him adopt 7+ children why don't you. He is so wonderful and good and interesting and I am in love with him.

(Edit: And then like a month later, just now, we went back to our last save and threw the documents in the trash so we could play through the other ending. I think the diurnal ending is definitely the better one, although it was nice to see the polyhedron again and to talk to all the game developers. <3 Also the goodbyes to Daniil and Notkin were super sad in that one, I did what Daniil wanted, he won’t even stay? This is so sad.)

Well that's our pathologic playthrough. We know there's a lot we missed and we may return to the game at some point. (Looked up a plot summary afterwards and there’s just so much else. Must save my childhood friends next time.) Game is very good though. It's been wild. Marbles sometime in the next few days. :)

[brujahinaskirt]

@missn11​ says:

Ask and ye shall receive, fellow neonate! <3 Bear with me, because I’m about to hammer out 2000 words very quickly...

This massive rant by its topic nature is sort of Nines-critical, so lemme start by saying that, in my own way, I love Rodriguez. (I was partially self-burning in the shitpost that ignited this rant because I SEVERELY exaggerated Nines’s canonical shadiness levels in my ancient fanfiction, and for no other reason than because I was a teenage edgelord. I am appropriately embarrassed, but only by my excess and melodrama, not by Troika’s characterization. I think the writing behind VTMB’s Nines is superb.)

When it comes to Bloodlines, I think he’s one of the most psychologically interesting profiles in the game. In fact, I could never get into LA by Night because they so de-toothed Troika’s vision of him. Not to say LA by Night’s Nines was a poorly-developed character in his own right, ‘cause he wasn’t at all, but “my” Nines will always be unapologetically and only Troika’s: boiling angry, viciously pragmatic, a survivor who doesn’t let anyone too close lest they see through him, whose over-the-top confident façade cracks a little more every time his back’s against the wall. Troika’s Nines is the epitome of greater VTM’s “fallen rebel” archetype, and even though we don’t get to see it on all playthoughs, that makes it even better and more believable.

But as with all characterization in Bloodlines, we have to read between the lines and between our own play styles a bit to piece the truth of the puzzle together...

Besides the direct evidence Troika gives us—i.e. the music cues, which are a bit overbearing if I’m honest (sorry, Troika! ilu); the absence of Nines in Rosa’s prophecy re: people you can trust; and the overt warnings Camarilla-aligned characters give us about him—the biggest red flag about Rodriguez, imo? It’s twofold:

the way the characters he surrounds himself with talk about him and the type of vampire he chooses to fill his den. Namely: Nines exclusively recruits angry, spurned, mistreated people who are younger and far less experienced than he is

those messy, ugly, fleeting moments where you see his toughguy everyman personality crack

So! Starting with point one:

THE PERSONALITY CULT ITSELF

We can’t deny that Nines does not surround himself with peers. He surrounds himself with followers—people who don’t challenge him in any way, who are fanatically loyal, who openly profess their worship of him and their conviction he could never/would never do anything wrong. If you listen to how Damsel and Skelter talk about him, it’s with frightening adulation, often repeating Nines’s lines word-for-word without truly understanding the argumentation behind them. (Damsel’s the main offender here with her “IT’S A PYRAMID SCHEME… it just makes sense, you know? It just makes sense!” And then, of course, she gets pissed and refuses to speak to you when you push her into elaborating.)

Nines has clearly made himself much more than just a friend-figure or a Sire-figure to them. He’s utterly and completely mythologized by the LA Anarchs, held up next to other politically mythologized names like George Washington and Ho Chi Minh. His followers love him… but there’s a pecking order, and like good body shields, they believe their lives don’t matter as much as he matters. And they love that, too. They want to die for Nines. They’re not just willing to or resigned to it; they’re eager to die. Damsel will volunteer this information the first time you meet her. She just can’t wait to prove herself by taking a bullet for goddamn Nines Rodriguez. It’s literally how she introduces herself to new people.

And yet Nines deliberately withholds his attention and time from his followers. He uses his attention as a reward, as incentive. He rations some care and reassurance and help—makes you feel good and gives you reason to crave his attention—and then he pushes you away, back into his adoring ranks until the next “two minutes” you earn from him in which you’re special enough for such an exceptional, important, cool guy to talk to. That’s a classic manipulation tactic, and a classic personality cult tell.

And Troika is so damn fuckin’ brilliant about it because they don’t stop at showing us that an Anarch-aligned fledgling might feel this way—no, they make the PLAYER also feel this way. On our first playthrough of Bloodlines, we’re desperate to talk to Nines. We want the reward. “Let me finish the plaguebearer quests… let me run to the Elizabeth Dane… I hope Nines talks to me again now! Quick, to the Last Round! Maybe if I say the right thing to make him like me, he’ll give me another free EXPERIENCE POINT!” (iirc he’s one of two characters who will do so, and the only one who gives multiple points.)

But at the end of the day, Nines is indisputably the leader of the Anarchs, and even fledgling figures that out. (“Sounds like you’re the Prince of the Anarchs.”) He’s very much the Baron of Downtown LA, even if he won’t use that language. As for the grating day-to-day management and leadership stuff that might make him somewhat unpopular among the Anarchs, though? He fobs all that stuff off on Damsel!

Damsel, his Minion No. 1—whom a lot of players will hate on their early playthroughs, because she assigns tough missions with little to no reward. Damsel, who has no real power role in the Anarchs and functions only to serve Nines. You help Damsel, and you do Nines’s work—i.e. you do the work of the Barony of LA—and he doesn’t even have to take the admiration hit by having to ask you himself.

There’s only one non-follower of note around Nines. It’s Jack, and by his own words, he’s not one of Nines’s people; he disparages them, in fact. And we’ll notice that Jack—who is stronger, older, and wiser than Nines—very much doesn’t talk about Nines the same way Nines’s followers do. While Jack doesn’t directly insult him and occasionally defends him, Jack also has a downright shocking response to the announcement of the Blood Hunt. When fledgling desperately asks what they can do to help Nines—Jack says, word-for-word: I could give a damn.

Something ain’t quite right about this place.

Moving right along:

NINES IS A FAKE ALPHA MALE WHO KNOWS HE’S GOING TO DIE

Part of why Nines is so attractive to someone scared and weak like our fledgling (or Skelter or Damsel) is that he seems utterly fucking untouchable—like nothing scares him, and that must be reassuring when two of your age-old enemies are moving into town. But Nines’s tough, cool, Devil-may-care persona outs itself as a protective shell, too… and this is another thing I think Troika handled so subtly and so well.

You’ll notice that even Nines’s voice is dramatically different in a couple different situations: when Ming Xiao is borrowing his body, when he’s afraid, and when he’s distracted or deeply disturbed. (A successful Malkavian mind read will really slam a crack in his coolguy persona. For a second, the nonchalance shatters and he childishly screams SHUT UP!)

But whether you Malk him or not: In those isolated moments, the Coolguy Nines Rodriguez we normally see frays. Physically, even! His accent loses its burr (that ballsy rural American everyman accent), shoots up to a higher register—and reveals a much softer voice than the one he uses in front of other people. No wonder; part of Nines’s charisma comes from his performance of masculine confidence, and even if it’s not a toxically patriarchal masculinity in the way we often picture it, the fact this performance cracks at all shows it’s not his genuine self. He’s acting. In the way a lot of toughguy men do—but for Nines, whose survival depends upon attraction now, he’s acting toughguy for his very life.

I think those little fray-under-pressure moments are the “real” Nines, or as close as we’re going to get: scared, desperate, worn-down, and very aware of his doom.

Now, all that said…

BLATANT FALLEN REBEL CONCEPT APOLOGISM

I don’t think we can quite throw Rodriguez into the same Mean Monster Morality Dungeon for Evil Vampires as other Big Bads in LA. This is where motivation comes into play, at least for me. We know Nines can be merciless and violent, and he doesn’t hesitate to sacrifice his own soldiers (namely, um, US!) to protect his holdings. But he does seem to have a twinge of genuine anger over injustices wrought upon “little people” (look no further than Nocturne)—one that seems like it stems from a sense of right v. wrong rather than sheer pragmatism. This stands in stark opposition to the rationed pacificism of characters like LaCroix, who simply doesn’t want the headache of cleaning up a pile of dead humans on his nightly to-do list.

Nines also, of course, just doesn’t have the same kind of disaster reach other Bloodlines Big Bads do in how much harm he can cause. When LaCroix gets up to some bullshit, he crashes the national economy. Nines, like, crashes a car into a corporate office window or takes over a street or something. Can’t really compare the two when it comes to the scale of damage done.

And even Nines Rodriguez is, for all his strategy, still an honestly angry person. Not all of him is fake—what’s troubling about him is what he’s willing to sacrifice and do to satiate his anger-passion. It’s the standard Brujah emotional-moral struggle. Even though I agree with much of what he says about bloodsucking late capitalist vampires (tbh he seems to hate vampires in general!), one wonders if it’s not partially the anger-passion that’s warped him into the façade of a noble leader he’s become. It’s not a pure anger anymore; he’s weaponized it in selfish, unhealthy, destructive ways.

But if he’s a fallen rebel—and since he is still apparently capable of some genuine anger and sadness—then we can infer he wasn’t always like this. He fell, and narratively, that’s key to understanding Clan Brujah. Maybe he fell in a way all of us angry rebel-types risk falling if we let our hatred of the bloodsuckers in real life outgrow and consume our care for the real-world little people.

I think we also have to appreciate that—as far as we know—the shady shit Nines does, he primarily does to prolong his power. But for a threatened Anarch like Nines, power doesn’t mean expansion or accumulation as it might for an ascending Ventrue; it primarily means survival. The Camarilla and Kuei-jin incursions into LA have numbered his days, and he can’t possibly have any delusions about this, no matter how much he swaggers. So he does what he can do with the skills and limited resources he has. He corrupts vulnerable, angry, abused people by giving them the appearance of friendship, family, and hope they can become stronger—much like effective gang leaders do.

If he’s morally nastier than other power-players like LaCroix in some way, imo, it’s here. It’s the intimacy with which he manipulates the people around him. LaCroix may lie to you; Strauss may withhold information from you; Ming Xiao may double-cross you. But none of them ask that you love them. That’s not their goal; that’s not how they operate. None of them expect or encourage anyone to happily die for them of their own free will. If they get you killed, you’ll die resenting them—resenting that you had to die, at all.

But when you die for people like Nines Rodriguez, you do it willingly, if only because you believed he cared somehow and that he’d fight tooth-and-nail for you, too. You believed that you were a member of his little outcast family—or that you would be, if you just proved yourself a little bit more. If you just fought a little harder. If you were just a little happier about having the chance to die for the cause. Maybe if you die for Nines, then Nines will love you, too.

I don’t think he does. I don’t think he will. If he’s a true fallen rebel archetype, I don’t know if he can anymore.

That’s enough Anarchs for now! I’m gonna peace out with some copy/pasted lyrics from the theme song of Nines’s den: the ballad of the charming and vengeful Lecher Bitch. Stay sharp, my little Bloodlines fanatics!

Tell me your story Don't worry, I've been there Crown me your savior Don't worry, I'll be there

[Chorus] I said hey You're coming all the way I've got some hell to pay I'm diggin' all the way All the way down I said hey You're coming all the way I've got some hell to pay Gonna rip you every way On the way down again [Bridge] Don't belong lording above me Won't be hard to pull you underground It won't be long 'til you love me And I'll be coming at your back To break it down

[the-awkward-outlaw]

Hi hun, hope you've been well. I have a request. Modern reader turns off Red Dead Redemption 2 for the night. She goes to sleep and starts to dream of herself being in the game and meeting everyone. Morning comes, she realizes it was just a dream (and it was getting good too, don't you hate that?) She starts the game again and Arthur breaks the fourth wall to blink at her, making her blush.

Hey there, Anon! I hope you’re not too disheartened by how long it’s taken me to get to this! This one was a shorter blurb, but I thought it turned out real sweet. Hope you find it to be as well. 

Masterlist

Read on AO3

Sweet Dreams Are Made of These

You yawn heavily, your eyes stinging from the late hour and from staring at your TV the last few hours. It’s been a rare day where you’ve had it entirely to yourself so you’ve spent the majority of it playing Red Dead.

It’s been a while since you played the game; you’ve forgotten how much this game calms you. The beautiful scenery, the complexity of the people animated in it (even the NPCs). The endless things to do. Rockstar really pulled out the stops for this game. Especially when it comes to Arthur.

You’ve been harboring a massive crush on him since the end of your first playthrough. You’ve done plenty of diving into the thirst part of the fandom on Tumblr, which only made your attractions to him worse. Oh, why can’t he just be real? As you’ve played today, you’ve been shameless of your ogling of him. You started a new game this morning and when you hit chapter 2, you put him in clothes you found him sexy in and styled his hair. Not that he needs much help in looking good in the first place. 

However, it’s late now and your eyes are begging for sleep. As much as you’d like to keep on playing, you need to go to bed. After all, you’ll be able to play more tomorrow as it’s another rare free day. So you resolve yourself, save your game and turn it off. 

When you’re lying in bed, you think a bit more about the game, mostly Arthur. You even day dream a little about him in attempts to fall asleep, which works better than you’d like. However, it seems your mind is just as determined to stay with Arthur and the gang. 

You’re walking just outside the cluster of trees that marks Horseshoe Overlook. It’s warm out here, with the sun happily beaming down as it’s setting beyond the horizon. The birds are happily singing away, you hear a raccoon chattering away not too far off. Of course, you know what you might find in Horseshoe Overlook if you go in there, but you also know that the gang doesn’t stay there permanently. Will they be there? 

As you begin to walk, you look down at yourself. You’re wearing clothes that fit in with the time period and the game. Dusty jeans, a button down shirt that looks like you’ve had it a few years. As you reach up to brush a strand of hair from your face, your fingers caress a hat on your head. Well, at least if the gang is there, you won’t look entirely out of place. You smile, thinking that you feel like you’ve come home after a long day. 

Just as you enter the trees, you can smell the smoke coming from wood fires, the sound of people ahead talking. Someone comes walking out of the trees and you recognize Bill. 

“Who’s there?” he demands. 

“Hey Bill,” you say, wondering what he might do or say to you, an outsider. 

“Bout time you got back. Thought you’d gotten lost or somethin’,” he snarls before wandering off to continue patrolling, repeater in hand. 

Feeling a little confused that he seemed to recognize you, you decide to keep on heading into the trees, closer to camp. Will the others react in much the same way? 

When you get into the heart of camp, you see several of the other gang members. Hosea’s reading a book on his sleeping mat, Charles is fiddling with an arrow near the fire, which Jack is poking. Javier and Lenny are having a game of five finger fillet, Micah watching near the tree line. Most of the girls are sitting at their wagon, chatting easily as they stitch. As you stare around at them, you see Arthur walking over to you, his shoulders rolling as he walks. 

“Hey there,” he says to you, tipping his hat as he continues walking over to Pearson’s pot. 

“H-hey Arthur,” you say nervously, wondering if he’ll catch on to you being an outsider. But like Bill, he acts as though you’re another gang member. 

“About time you came back, girl!” comes the harsh voice of Grimshaw. She stands in front of you, hands on her hips, looking harsh. “I sure hope you had interesting adventures out there, you been gone so long I started to think you forgot where we were!” 

“S-sorry, Miss Grimshaw,” you say, unable to help but smile a little mischievously. She seems to accept it and walks off, muttering under her breath. 

By now, the sun has almost fully set, and you see several of the gang going to the campfire or the round table close by. Sean quickly begins to sing with Uncle, Javier strumming on his guitar. Feeling a bit more confident that you’re not going to be hurt by anyone, you go over to the fire. There’s only one free spot and it’s next to Arthur. Gathering your courage, you sit down next to him. 

“Hey sweetheart. Glad you joined us. Thought you might be too tired,” he says, his hand sliding onto your knee. 

Sweetheart? Did Arthur Morgan just call you sweetheart? You’re confused but you try to hide it. 

“Never too tired to be with you, honey,” you say, trying to sound like this isn’t unusual. He smiles back, his hand squeezing your knee. 

Hosea speaks up from his chair on the other side of the fire. “You know, I used to want to be an actor when I was a young man. I once saw a drama as a boy and I loved it. But I thought if I ever did get into the acting life, I’d want to be part of a comedy.” 

You only listen partially, still heavily distracted by Arthur’s hand on your knee. He acts as though the two of you have been together for some time. How badly you wish it were so. Figuring that you’re already here and you’d be lying if you said you never pretended to do this, you slide your hand over his and lean onto his shoulder. It surprises you when Arthur gently kisses the top of your head. 

After Hosea finishes telling his story of his failed career as an actor, Javier picks up a tune with his guitar again. You recognize it because you’ve heard him play the song in the game. The others quickly join in singing, Arthur included. 

“I ain’t got no father to buy the clothes I wear. I’m a poor lonesome cowboy. Poor lonesome cowboy; I’m a poor lonesome cowboy.” 

You listen as they sing, feeling the verberations of Arthur’s voice through his shoulder as you continue leaning on him. For the first time, you feel like you really belong here. The characters from the game seem so real here, you could easily believe they’re real. However, you feel that this whole scenario is merely temporary, as much as you wish it wasn’t. 

When the song is finished, Arthur squeezes your hand again. “Come on, darlin’. Think it’s time we get some sleep.” 

As much as you want to stay and listen to the others, you look up at him and nod, feeling curious about where things will lead if you follow him. He guides you over to his tent and wagon and closes the flaps, giving you some privacy. 

You feel nervous as he turns. Will he try and get you naked in his bed? You hope not. However, when he looks at you, he doesn’t have that hunger in his eye. He smiles softly and then pulls you into a hug. 

“Mm, you been gone too long, darlin’. I’ve missed you.” 

“I’ve missed you too, Arthur. Hmm, you feel nice.” And he does. His warmth soaks into you as his arms create a protective cocoon around you. Your head presses into him and your body molds to his like a puzzle piece. His hand leaves your back and he cups your cheek, guiding you to look at him. His eyes are bright, alive but gentle. His eyes dart down to your lips. Unable to help yourself, you loop your arms around his neck, bringing yourself closer to him. 

Arthur begins bending down, reading your mind. Your heart quickens in your chest, his wild scent flooding your nose. His lips are centimeters from yours, you can feel the heat of his skin. Just as you’re about to press against him, your eyes flash open. 

Arthur’s gone. HIs tent is gone. The sound of the fire and the others singing is nowhere to be heard. You’re lying in your bed, slightly chilly from the early morning. Your heart sinks as you realize that your little journey was no more than a dream. None of it had been real. But it had felt so real. This dream had been different. 

Sighing, you try not to let yourself feel miserable about it. It wouldn’t do you nor anyone else any favors. 

After taking a quick shower and eating some breakfast, you decide to play the game again. Sure, it might be disappointing in comparison to the dream you’ve just had, but this is the best you’re going to be able to get at this point. 

After loading into the game, you look around Arthur, taking in the view of the Heartlands. You’d stopped playing last night with him being not too far from Emerald Ranch. This is one of your favorite places on the map because of how real it looks. You try not to give into the temptation to look at Arthur, but your resolve doesn’t last long. 

You whirl the camera around to look at Arthur. You expect him to just stare into the distance like normal. You did not expect him to suddenly stare straight at you and blink as though he can see you. Just as you’re processing what you saw, he suddenly smiles and tips his hat. “Hey, sweetheart.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #446

“so you can throw me to the wolves  /  tomorrow i will come back, leader of the whole pack”

Favourite cheese? American. Superman or Batman? I know literally nothing of Superman, but I like Batman. Who are your best friends? The only person I consider a best friend is Sara. Name the 3 most important people in your life: My mom, Sara, and... I suppose myself since I cherish my mental health VERY deeply. Are you currently learning from anyone how to play any instruments? No. Do you know anyone who is overly flirty with people? Girl or a boy? In my personal opinion, yes. I do believe it's possible to be "overly" flirty, considering you can really lead people on. It's a she. Do you believe vampires are real? Not the stereotypical Twilight kind. No. Have you ever been to a porn website? Were you addicted to it afterword? No. I'm really not into that. What is the most disgusting thing you think the opposite sex can do? I think the most disgusting thing anyone can do is commit rape. Would you rather be able to teleport or freeze time? Which one seems best? I feel teleportation is obviously more convenient and useful in dangerous situations. Have you seen the movie Twister? Did the tornadoes look real to you? LKJFL;AKSDJFKLASJDLFKA;WE NOOOOOOOOOO. I am WAY too terrified of tornadoes to watch that. Have you actually been through a devastating natural disaster before? Hurricane Floyd was pretty devastating. I was too young to really remember it, though. Did your mom ever fix your eggs and bacon into a smiley face as a kid? She probably did. What fast food place, in your opinion, has the best french fries? BOJANGLE'S, AHHHHHHHHHHHH. Do you believe one day aliens might take over the planet Earth? I mean, it's possible, but I don't know. Do you remember when they used to actually throw candy out at parades? I didn't know they stopped. Does it bother you when people burp around you or do you do it too? I couldn't possibly care less, it's a natural bodily function. Just because of societal standards though, I don't burp in public, though, but only around family and close friends. What is one kind of music you’d do anything to not listen to in the car? Anything like rap that has a STUPIDLY loud bass that just annoys everyone within a ten mile radius. When was the last time you babysat, if ever? Did anything bad happen? A year or two ago, for my nephew. No one else was free to watch him, so I had no choice. Nothing bad happened, besides nearly having a panic attack. Do you ever talk to people you met online through webcam? Or is that weird? No. Even Sara and I don't do it, because I'm too self-conscious of how I look. Even though she's seen me plenty before irl. Would you ever consider becoming a scientist? Why would you or why not? Well, I majored in biology briefly... I wanted to be a wildlife biologist. I just adore animals and thought I could do it. I just couldn't handle school. When is the next time you’ll talk to the cousin you’re closest to? I'm not especially close to any of my cousins. Are you really into vintage things? Have you ever been into that stuff? Yessss! is writing something that you enjoy doing? Definitely. Would you rather read or write? Write. Would you rather draw or take photographs? If I wind up being very proud of the product, I prefer drawing, but I take pictures far more. When was the last time you cheated at something? I have no clue. Has anyone ever copied off of your homework assignments? I think so? Do you have any pictures of celebs saved to your computer? ... *stares at my folder labelled "Mark"* What would you consider your favorite holiday? Why is this? Christmas. I love the whole vibe of it. The weather, the smells, the treats, my niece's and nephew's excitement... I adore all the lights and decorations, the gratefulness for family and your loved ones in general... I just love Christmas. If you’re a girl, do you have big hips? Too big? I'd say my hips are normal. Girls, do you think you look good in dresses or not? God no. Not anymore. Have you ever taken a pottery class before? Nope. How many times have you seen Star Wars? Be honest. Once. I didn't like it. Has your best friend ever made you cry? Yes. But in her defense, we've both made the other cry. Have you ever entered a talent competition? God no, I ain't got shit to flaunt. Are you smiling in your Facebook profile picture? Yes. If you wear eye shadow, do you put on a dark colour or a light? And if you wear mascara, what colour is it? I only ever wear black for both of those. What is your favourite Christmas movie? Jim Carrey's How the Grinch Stole Christmas. What do you get complimented on the most? My Markiplier tattoo, actually. What do you think of your best friend’s ex? One I REALLY don't like, the other I'm neutral about. Are you biracial? No. Do you have Pop-Tarts in your house right now? No. We try to not buy them, given they're just TOTALLY empty calories. They don't fill me at all. Is anyone’s birthday coming up? No. Does/did either of your parents serve in the military? No. Do you like sour candy? I LOVE sour candy. Where would you like to go on your honeymoon? Alaska, to see the Northern Lights. Do you usually wear sunglasses when you’re driving? I haven't driven in well over a year. Hell, maybe two. But no, because I'd need prescription sunglasses. Ignoring nutrition, could you live off veggies for the rest of your life? God no. Has anyone taken their shirt off in front of you? Yeah. What time do you usually have dinner? 5:30-6:30, usually. What’s your favourite meat? Chicken, I think. What is your favourite meal of the day and why? Breakfast. I just enjoy breakfast foods. What colour is your shampoo? White. Tell me a silly little old wive’s tale you believed when you were a child: My older sister got me to believe that if you said a word a ridiculous amount of times, it'd be the only word you knew how to say anymore, lmao. Shut up, I was little. What was the last magazine you bought? Do you subscribe to any? I don't buy magazines. Whose Facebook profile did you last look at? Was there anything that caught your attention? Uh, that's a good question. Do you regret your last relationship? Not at all. What’s better, mashed potatoes or sweet potatoes? Mashed potatoes, though I'm picky with them and the texture. Did you ever used to make cookies, cakes, or pie with your grandma? No. Do you like kids? Not especially. They ask too many questions and can be really rude, even though I know they usually don't mean to be. What are you listening to? I'm watching Gab Smolders play Dino Crisis 2. I finished her playthrough of Final Fantasy X, so now I feel a void in my soul that I am trying to fill with a new series lmao. Do you burn incense? Not really anymore. I'm not against it, I just... haven't. What is your favorite kind of cracker? Cheese-Itz. Can you name a single song by Billy Joel without looking it up? Yeah; I can name a few, actually. My dad loves Billy Joel, so I heard him a lot growing up. "Piano Man" is a classic. Do you like regular peppermint candy canes, or do you prefer different flavored ones [fruits, bubble gum, cinnamon, etc.]? I actually really like the Jolly Rancher ones. Have you ever been kissed while sitting atop the hood of a car? That's actually possible... but I'm not sure. I think I have a faint memory of lying on a car hood with Jason before. What do you think is the dumbest/tackiest piercing? I don't like calling a piercing either of those, like if they make someone feel more confident and attractive, good for them. I can say I'm personally not a fan of the smiley piercing, though. Have you ever requested a song on the radio? No. When I was a kid at a birthday party, though, one of the girls did. Does your mother still take care of you if you get ill? She helps a lot, yeah. What is one song that always brings back memories every time you hear it? Honestly, too many. I attach way too aggressively to songs. Do you currently have any pimples? Not currently, no. Did anything disturb your sleep at all last night? Ugh, yes. I couldn't sleep for shit. How does it make you feel looking at pics with your ex and someone else? I have only seen one picture of Jason with the girl he dated after me and it. Set. Me. On. Fucking. Fire. It's pathetic. If you’re not in college, why? All it did was give me emotional breakdowns. What do you think about MTV? I am way too out of the loop on what goes on on any TV channel to answer this. What was your very first day of your very first job like? What’d you do? How long did it take you to get the hang of it, and feel comfortable with working? This was waaaay too long ago... All I remember is actually being hopeful, though nervous. I never got to the point of feeling comfortable there. Or at any job. If you have a dog, are they friendly to strangers or other dogs? We don't have a dog, but we do have a cat that is EXTREMELY skittish around strangers. Someone he doesn't know comes through the door? He's bolting to hide. Do people ever comment on or joke about your driving? Well, I got flipped off once by a driver, so... I'd consider that a silent comment. I, to this day, don't know why they (it was a group of guys) did it, but it's stuck with me. What was the last thing to move you? Are you easily moved or inspired? The ending of FFX alsdkfjkaljlkwjer. And yes. If you`ve ever seen your very favorite band, did you cry when you saw them? Was it like a dream come true? If you`ve never seen them, do you think you would? I haven't, but I probably would a little bit. Of all the reality competitions you’ve watched, who are some of your all-time favorite contestants and what shows were they from? From America's Got Talent, I adore(d) Landau Eugene Murphy Jr., as well as Prince Poppycock. I keep up with them both on Facebook. Ever had a friend named Alex or John? One of my closest online friends was Alex. A couple years ago she just... got a boyfriend and fell off the face of the earth. Are you happy with your relationship status? I mean... no, I'm ridiculously lonely, but being single is for the best right now. What kind of stuff do you like on your hot dogs? Just ketchup and mustard. Have you ever been in a spelling bee? No. What is the most annoying thing that your parents do? Mom absolutely always assumes she's right. Dad repeats himself like CRAZY. Would you say you’re someone who has good manners? Yes. Did you parents know what gender you were before you were born? Actually, the doctors couldn't determine mine (or any of Mom's kids') because my legs were ALWAYS crossed when they did ultrasounds. Mom says she "knew" I was a girl, though. Have you ever been addicted to something unhealthy? I'm addicted to caffeine, yes. Who makes the best desserts in your entire family? Hm, I dunno. Do you have good dreams or nightmares more? I have very severe sleep apnea that results in very violent nightmares almost any time I sleep without my APAP mask. Even WITH the damn mask, I have them a lot. When was the last time someone insulted you? What was the insult? *shrug* Do you have trouble reading small fonts? Yes. I used to find it aesthetically pleasing, but my vision is just too bad now, even with my (shitty) glasses. Do you know anybody that believes that magic/witchery truly exists? I think so. Do you find watching animals in their natural habitat to be exciting & fascinating? Absolutely!! The last time you had sex: did you want it, or did the other person want it? ... You know it's supposed to be a mutual desire, right?? What does your sibling(s) call you? "Britt." Has anyone you’ve known claimed to be psychic? Maybe? I'm unsure. Did/do you believe them? Hell no. I don't believe in psychics and believe people who claim to be so are manipulative pieces of shit. Is anything annoying you right now? I am bored to an inexplicable level askldjfla;wejlr. Have you ever worn a pair of scrubs? Yeah. Anything in your room that you’re hiding from your parents or someone else? No. Have you ever felt abandoned? Well yes. By definition, my dad abandoned our family. Where are you? I’m in my bed. What’s been the worst part of this day? I've just been so, so bored. I'm sick and fucking tired of dealing with anhedonia. Who last encouraged you to better yourself? My therapist.

[love-fireflysong]

Until Dawn’s Fifth Birthday

Welp, congrats Until Dawn, you’re officially old enough to start kindergarten. You’re off to learn to read, tie your shoes, recite yous ABC’s, and learn to count to 100. Your such a big kid now, and I’m proud of you for making it this far.

I know I have done literal jack shit for the entire month, but I have been immensely enjoying the things that everyone’s been putting out for this month. So I’m gonna make this text post, not just because of it’s the five year anniversary, but because it’s actually a post I’ve been wanting to make for a while.

So here it goes:

I first learned of Until Dawn when it first came out hilariously enough. My roommate at the time had boughten it for her ps4 and I had been seeing it all over my dashboard on tumblr at the time. I didn’t play it myself though until close to a year later, when I finally had my own ps4 and I bought the game used for like $20 or something from my local game rental store. And I was hooked.

I remember jumping the first time the UD logo pulls that jump scare on the title screen. And laughing because I’m normally pretty good with jump scares, but that one managed to get me because I hadn’t been expecting one before I even started the game. (The one thing in the game that manages to make me jump every time is the mine cart you stop as Mike. For whatever reason it doesn’t matter how dark my room is when I play the game or how many times I’ve played it, I can never see the mine cart until its literally on top of Mike and the QTE is almost up and I squeak in surprise every fucking time.)  

Of course I didn’t manage to save everyone during my first playthrough, I definitely lost Matt to the hook and Ash to the trapdoor (RIP darlings), and for the life of me I can’t recall how the lodge scene at the end went. I’m one of those players though that try to make choices that the characters I’m playing as would, I throw my feelings by the wayside. For example, being in the shed when the game’s making me choose Ash or Josh, and I was debating on whether or not Chris would save the girl he’s had a major crush on for a while at least, or his best friend for the last ten years. I distinctly remember wincing and sucking in air through my teeth and going “Sorry Ash, bros before hoes” and choosing Josh. And then being confused and convinced that I misunderstood the instructions? I mean I wasn’t complaining, just really, really confused. I definitely choose Ash to live at the gun one though, like there was no hesitation. I watched the whole ‘only thing I’ve ever wanted to do with my time’ scene and talk and the moment control was given back to me, the gun was under Chris’s jaw and I fired.

I’m also one of the players that didn’t know that Josh had been behind everything until the reveal either. I had gotten Sam captured so I never got any of those clues and I managed to miss the other clues that hinted at it being a set up (like the bundle of newspapers). So until the reveal I was still convinced that someone was out there killing all of them. Listen, I like mystery games but I’m not very good at connecting the dots okay.

I think I stuck around for a couple of months, gorging myself of fanfiction (all ff.net stuff by the way, I can’t remember if I knew about ao3 at that point or not) but like all interests do with me, the obsession eventually faded (helped in a large part by the rampant Ashley hate going around at the time) and I moved on.

Until February of this year. I was trying to kill time till the end of March when Persona 5: Royal released and I decided to try and see how many games I could platinum until that point. I had made it through the ps3 tomb raider games, Prince of Persia 2008, and decided on replaying the Uncharted games because the ps4 collection didn’t have multiplayer trophies. I hadn’t even thought of replaying Until Dawn. I mean, I had looked at the case and I remembered the game fondly, but that was it. There was no urge or want. 

I was halfway through Among Thieves when I was bored and chilling time on Youtube. And because I had been watching a couple of videos for the treasure locations in Uncharted, one of the recommended videos for me was a game sins for the series. I decided sure why not, and watched it. And watched a few of his other ones as well, Until Dawn included.

That’s right, what got me back into the series wasn’t fond nostalgia for the characters or story. It was a fucking Game Sins video. I’m so sorry.

I was devouring UD content again. I spent like 2 or 3 weeks reading everything Chrashley (with the hyper-fixation for the game back came the ship, what can I say) based on ao3 that I could get my hands on. I was back into the tag on tumblr, going through art I remembered seeing way back when and looking at usernames that didn’t mean a thing then, but mean the world to me now. And then near the end of February, when the obsession was once again starting to flag, I decided to hell with it, and clicked on the The (Almost)s.

I’m not going to expunge all my praises for the story, everyone else has done that better then I ever could. But guys, it was so good. So so good. I was hooked back into the series once again, just as I was starting to flag. And when I saw that @queenofbaws had mentioned that she was tumblr... I didn’t do anything right away. Too scared really, figured she might find it creepy, so I didn’t do anything for like a week. And then I decided fuck it, sent a message about Chris giving Ash his sweater, and following her.

And that was it. I figured I would stick around to see the story completed and just dip. Not even make a splash, just enjoy the content from the sidelines and no one would know that I was here in the first place. Same old, same old. But that was also when I started turning around the kernel in my mind that Baby It’s Cold Outside (so hold me tight in your arms and don’t let go). I didn’t even intend to write it, it was just going to be the fanfic that lived in my mind for me to stew on before bed every night. But I couldn’t sleep one night, my brain was too on and the words just weren’t stopping, so I pulled out my computer and wrote the first part from Chris standing in the snow outside to him reaching the lodge at like 3 in the morning. 

I started becoming more involved in the fandom when queenie started her wip wednesdays and asked to be tagged. Hilariously enough, those days are what started me cross-stitching again too, I hadn’t touched the pattern in months at that point. So I started posting snippets of my writing, and that one day a week was the only thing pushing me to continue writing. By that point, I had stopped hanging around the edges, now trying to push myself closer into this little fandom circle. 

The day I posted the story, I was fucking terrified. It wasn’t my first story, not by a long shot, but I had always considered my writing to be shit. I thought I had good ideas, but I never felt that I was able to truly bring them to life. English and grammar had never been my best subject, I was always more of a math and physics person growing up. But then that first comment from @elliepollie came in and I almost burst into tears. I couldn’t believe that someone out there liked it so much, that they were willing to leave me a review in the first place. I’m still so blown away that she was willing to recommend it as a Chrashley story for other people to read. I think that was the point I stopped hesitantly pushing my way through, and I just kicked down the doors and just yelled ‘Hey fuckers! I’m here now and you are going to fucking deal with it!’.

That was the event that opened the floodgates for me. Suddenly I was talking to people, I had friends online with the same interests as me. I’ve written more in the last six months then I’ve done in the last ten years! I’m feeling inspired to create again. I actually went out to do the first commission I’ve ever requested (speaking of which, please please please go commisson @fudgeroach. I cannot wait until he can post and show you guys the stuff he drew for me. It was worth every fucking penny let me tell you.)

I’m going to be honest, Until Dawn isn’t my favourite game. Sure it has some of my fav lines (it had been years since I played the game, and the moment Jess started her rant outside the guest cabin I was screaming it along with her) and great characters, as horrible people as they all are, but it’s never been my favourite game and likely never will be. But Until Dawn has the best fandom I’ve ever been in and I’m so, so happy to have met and known every single person here. I seriously love every single person here so, so much. You all make my life better and I’m so happy to have all of you in it. Just to quote Chris because I can: “Every second I spend with you is all I ever wanted to do with my time.” This is how I feel. This is how I feel every goddamn day now.

So yeah, I got back into this fandom from a stupid Game Sins video. But by god if it wasn’t the best choice I’ve ever made.

(PS: for those wondering, I never did finish Uncharted 2. Maybe one day...) 

[finleyjayne]

Break A Leg

 {Chapter 1: Auditions}

Summary: After your accident, everything in your life changed. Your shared dream of being on Broadway with your best friend, Amanda, was over. But just because YOU don’t think you want the same things in life doesn’t mean that your friend won’t see through you. Taking matters into her own hands, you end up at an audition you’re sure that you’ll fail since SHIELD Theater Company is known the world over for typecasting. And you don’t fit any of your typical actress types. Little do you know that the company’s new writer - nihilistic, pessimistic, and resident drunk; Bucky Barnes- is looking for someone out of their normal choices.

Characters: Female Reader, OFC Best Friend, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Bucky Barnes, and all your other favorite Marvel Characters, hopefully in the long run it will end with a Bucky Barnes/Reader ship.

Series Warnings: Guys, this is based on my own experiences within the Acting community after gaining weight and height after an accident. There will be fat-shaming, mentions of eating disorders, unhealthy expectations, unhealthy coping mechanisms, also like bias based on looks.

A/N:this originally was inspired by @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan​ s follower celebration challenge. I was given the opportunity to use the text prompt “No fucks given, Next please.” Thank you Star! Thank you Thank you. Also a big thanks to the lovely @cavillanche​ for giving me a gentle nudge to write for myself and for being an amazing sounding board.

"Come oooooon, Y/N. I don't care if you don't want to go out. I haven't seen you in what feels like literal months. That's saying something since you know we LIVE together. I won't take no as an answer." Your best friend, Amanda, said as she flopped on top of you. 

Amanda burst into your bedroom this morning at way-to-fucking-early o'clock in the morning, on a warpath to get you to come out with her. It didn't matter to her that you were finally getting some sleep after working all-nighters for the last week. There was no way to ignore her either, her sunny personality and eager persistence would cause you to roll over in your grave if she wanted you to.

With a groan, you smothered your complaints behind a gasping wheeze. "Kay, Manda, where are we going?"

 She rolled off of you with a high-pitched squeal and used the momentum to pull you out of bed. "Yay! I have so much planned. I was talking to my manager about how well we used to work as a pair on stage. I may have mentioned how much I would kill to be the Penny to your Tracy. Or the Meg to your Christine. The Judy to your Betty. The Glinda to your Elphaba." Her words started to fade into background noise as she milled on about the parts you had once wanted to play together.

  The dream used to be that you both would move here, to New York, and play in all of the big theaters on Broadway together. Sadly, your broadway dreams were not as much of a reality as Amanda's were. And you were okay with that. You were thrilled for Amanda. Living vicariously through your best friend, helping her prepare for her shows while working as a Math tutor and Accountant for a local firm. 

   It didn't help that you weren't necessarily what people consider the typical standard of beauty. Standing just under six feet tall, a little plushy about the middle, and some nasty scar tissue leaving one of your legs in a constant state of ghostly paleness. Not that people notice since you tend to find yourself just as pale as the damaged tissue. After so many failed auditions, you figured your best life was lived outside of the theater. You were happy, and honestly, you are kinda glad that you are where you are.  

 "....So hurry up, I'll pick your outfit, we have an appointment with Rijah in half an hour." Amanda finished pushing you into the little cubical shower. When did she turn it on? Where are we going? Needless to say, you did what she asked and stuffed down your confusion, focusing on waking up more before you accompanied her to yet another one of her 'private' lessons with your pianist friend.

Thirty minutes later, you were dressed, primped, polished, and not all that much more awake. Amanda stuffed a binder of music into your hand as Elijah spread his copy over the lip of his pristinely kept upright. "You know this song, I think it will be perfect. A little overplayed, but with a fresh interpretation, they'll overlook it. All you have to do is sing. They are bound to cast you. I've worked with them before, and Director Rogers values skill over appearances. So we'll show them your ability, and he'll love you."

Looking at your rambling best friend, Your confusion amplifies. Your jaw cracks as you don't even try to stifle another yawn. You rub your eyes, not questioning her pushiness. "Uuuuhhhhh, okay?" You scan through the score, making note of the cut before looking to the triangular-shaped man sitting on the piano bench. Since you had already been taken through the typical vocal warm-ups by Amanda while she played dress up this morning. You smile at your expectant friend/accompanist. "Will you give me a playthrough with the melody line in it as a refresher, please, Rijah, Repeat, and I'll join you?" 

"Of course," He said sweetly with a nod, turning to the keys and playing. Quietly you hummed along, mentally noting which registers each phrase should be sung in. Where the notes would be stretched, what you would use to your advantage. The accompaniment was simple, repeated strummed chords like most modern musical use. It gives freedom rhythmically when it comes to melodies. You could have fun with the piece. Smiling to yourself, you open your mouth and join the simplified accompaniment on the repeat. 

When the second run-through finishes with a very extravagant arpeggiation. There is a moment of complete stillness as the resonance leaves the space. You are high on the feelings of intense emotion and absolute peace, yet somehow buzzing with unlocked energy. You miss this feeling, of connection with everything and nothing, The feeling of knowing that you did something right, it's heady, and it drives you to ask yourself why you ever stopped performing for a brief second. Amanda was always saying that she would drag you to an audition one of these days if you didn't get over yourself.

 You are knocked out of your musical high by Amanda's enthusiastic clapping. Elijah looks at you with a smirk, opens his mouth, and is swiftly cut off by your friend. "God, Y/N. They won't be able to stop themselves as soon as you open your mouth!" You smile at her very biased opinions. Before she can get any crazy ideas like dragging me along to more than just her sessions with Elijah, you place the binder the music into her hands, "Why don't we go over Take me or leave me? After all, this is your rehearsal time, I'm just here to help you."

Amanda gives you a devious smirk as she nods. "Sure. You heard the woman, 'Rijah." She sends him a sly wink that you are too tired to really read much into. He just nods with a conspiratory smile and spreads the music for the RENT song over the previous. 

"Whenever you are ready, ladies," He says when he's ready. Sighing internally, you place yourself back into your 'supportive friend' role, playing out the simplified blocking of Amanda's latest show. 

Before you even fully realize it, your hour with 'Rijah was over, and Amanda was pulling you into a nearby taxi to your next destination. "If you don't let me at least have a coffee, I will not be held accountable for my actions, Woman." You warn your best friend as you eye her. You were starting to worry that you would need to be more awake for whatever plans she had for the rest of the day, You were now to the point where you could see her scheming something, but were still too out of it to figure out what it was. 

She looked at you, trying to hide behind her mask of sickeningly-sweet innocence. I knew this look and all that it implied, and it worked to shake me into a slight panic of what she was walking me into. "I don't know what you mean, Y/N. I told you where we were going this morning, I promise this is the last stop before we can go home and you can sleep the rest of the night away. But if things go as I hope, we may have a repeat of this occasion sooner rather than later." The taxi pulls up at a building with a line heading out the door and around the corner. 

That's when it hits you; That promise that Amanda had made to you all those months ago about dragging you to an audition wasn't just one of those 'get moving your ass, or I'll move it for you' speeches to get you out of bed, she was going to do it. No, she wasn't going to do anything. Amanda had already done it. She had gotten you into an audition. 

You were suddenly wide awake. The knowledge that you were at an NYC Broadway audition, with your best friend hitting you like Celie's babies being alive in The Color Purple. It is unexpected but brought with it such excitement and fear all at once. You grasped onto Amanda's arm. "Amanda Jenivive Brendon, if this is some kind of joke, I don't know if I can forgive you. Please say this is not some kind of joke." The words are a desperate snarl. The hope pressing against your chest mixed with the fear that you jumped to incorrect conclusions was absolutely unbearable.

Amanda lets out a loving laugh before playfully scowling at you. "You really haven't been listening to a single thing I've said to you all day, have you?" The accusation was slightly bitter, but you knew she was laughing on the inside.

You squeeze her arm as your panic escalates. What am I going to do? How am I going to do this? What if they don't accept me just because of how I look? Shit, what am I going to do about a resume? Your vision blurs as you watch your best friend take your hand, leading you into the building past the line of girls and down a hallway to a dance studio styled room. 

She leads you to a table set before the long wall of mirrors where a cute little redhead sits. Taking out a binder and handing her two sets of papers, "Hey Wanda, It's good to see you. Is it standard issue today?" 

With a bright smile, Wanda accepts the papers. "Sure is Amanda, Do you need a copy of the company notes, or do you still know them by heart?" 

 Amanda chuckles before shaking her head, "I don't need a set, but you probably should give one to Y/N here, She could use the distraction of going through all the legal jargon while we wait."

Wanda's eyes grew wide as she turned to face you. "Y/N? As in 'shower singer Y/N'? Oh my Atlanta, Buck is going to lose his shit!" She jumps up and claps her hands. "I gotta go tell them!"  

Amanda's hand snaps out to stop the woman from leaving. "Hey, none of that. I want to see their surprise when they hear her, especially after Tony's last casting rant."  

Wanda immediately calms, her face splitting into a devious smirk. "OOOOooo, you are evil. I love it. Want me to film it for you?"

 "It's like you read my mind," Amanda says, turning to see your expression of confusion. "Y/N, hey, Y/N/N? You in there?" She snaps her fingers lightly in your face. "Come on, girl. Wanda here is the Stage Manager for the SHIELD Theater Company."  

"Wait, what?" Your voice cracks as your heart hammers even harder into your ribs. SHIELD Theater Company was one of the prominent troupes in New York. They were world-famous, they were the equivalent to The Royal Shakespeare Company in America. Were you at an audition for them? I thought you had to be part of a Union to even be considered for an audition with them!  

"Really, Y/N? Still not paying attention? Come on, let's take a seat, stretch a bit. before they put us through our paces." Her eyes are bright with amusement as she sticks your number on the left side of your dress.

"I'm sorry? In my defense, I have had a total of 8 hours of sleep in the last week. So not the point, though!" You follow her to a set of chairs in the room. At her reproachful glare, when your voice breaches into a louder panicked screech, you take a few breaths before continuing in a harried whisper. " I mean, how am I even here? I am not Unionized, I haven't paid my dues for months! I don't have-" Your internal concerns continue to pour out of your mouth as Amanda slams her palm over your mouth. 

 "Hey, take a deep breath for me, Y/N. I need you to stay conscious... maybe I should have gotten you a coffee before we came, but you always complain that it makes your vocals all gummy." You rip her hand off of your mouth, eyes flashing with annoyance.

"Hey, you're the one who woke me from my first decent sleep this week, you can't really blame me for being a little lack-of-sleep drunk. And Coffee does make me phlegmy, but, again, that is not the point. The point is now that I know what you've set up, how can it be possible?" You whisper scream at the aggravatingly calm Amanda.

 She rolled her eyes, "Well, I told you I was going to make our dreams come true, and I have had enough of your lame excuses about how you don't want to get back on the horse. But I saw you today. You WANT to be here. I've seen your secret tears when you go over our old cast photos. I hear you belting in the shower, so I've taken it upon myself to continue paying your dues to the AEA, and cashed in a favor with my agent to sign both of us up for this particular call."

 Before you could make a rebuttal, seven people walked into the room that had slowly filled with fifty or so women while you were distracted. A short brunette plants himself in the center of the mirrored wall as the others take seats next to Wanda behind the white foldable table.

 "Welcome, ladies, It is inspiring to see all of your beautiful faces. Before we start, I wanted to say a few words. First, thank you for taking the time to come and audition with us today.

"As you know, we only hold one set of auditions for the full season and look at that, all of you have made the initial cut for this season. Now it's time for the fine-tuning. Just know that even if you don't make it into our troupe this year, it's nothing personal. We have a specific set of personalities and abilities that we are looking for. If you don't make it this year with us, don't be afraid to come back next season. 

"Now, to kick off this lovely party, let's have you line up, no particular order." The man smirks, and you gasp as you realize who the cocky man is: Tony Stark. You were being lined up for your first NYC cattle call by the eccentric, theatrical genius Tony Stark. You didn't know whether to be honored or terrified. He had a notorious reputation as a type-caster, and the only type he favored was the short, petite woman. FUCK. 

Amanda dragged you into the line as she plastered a knowing smile on her face, "Just remember, sing. if you open your mouth, let that beautiful song sing from your heart." 

"Sure, whatever you say," you reply to her whispered reassurances, holding your head up high as the legendary man started down the line."No, No, Yes, Yes, Yes, Sorry, Sure, Yes. Not this time, sweets. No, Sorry, Yes, Yes, Yes... " And so on until he reached Amanda. "Miss Brandon, nice to see you again. I look forward to hearing your choices today." 

"Same to you, Mr. Stark, and I look forward to showing you my progress from last year."

"Good, good" His eyes crinkled as he smiled at her for another few seconds before skipping over you entirely, "yes, yes, yes, No…"

Well, it looks like you made it through the first cut, Amanda drags you back to where you left your purse and Amanda's backpack. She shares a conspiratory glance with Wanda, who just rolls her eyes. "Take a deep breath, then they'll start pulling us up in small groups to rotate through our song choices."

 "Amanda, I'm pretty sure you voodooed Stark into overlooking me." Amanda just laughs.

"Sure, whatever you wanna tell yourself. I think it was just you being here, it's fate." Now it's your turn to roll your eyes at your friend's everlasting optimism.

Once Stark finishes going down the line, he takes his place back front and center. "Okay, ladies, now it's time for the fun bit. I'm sure you were all smart cookies and gave Wanda your music cuts along with your resumes, so now it's time to put those voices to work. We'll call you up in trios. Wanda will read out your name and call number, Thor will wait for you to count out a tempo before playing for you. Wanda?" Stark calls out the woman before taking his seat behind the table. 

Wanda smiles brightly, calling out the first three people as the Hulking blond man stands from the table and makes his way to the piano. Wow, I hope I don't mess this up. It's not just my ass on the line anymore. You are brought back out of your thoughts by a gentle tug on your arm. 

"Stop overthinking things, you'll do fine, Your resume is prime, your song choice is brilliant, and like they couldn't choose someone more theatre conscious if they had hired Idina Menzel." 

You shudder at the actress's name, "I would hope so, she's terrible."

"Yet she had been a mainstay in theater for years." 

"So what, just goes to show people don't necessarily want talent. They want beautiful mutants who can screech out songs without killing their vocal cords."

"Y/N, Shut the fuck up. You can do the same things, you may not sing in a scream like she can, but you know how to sing, you can dance- don't give me that look I caught you practicing your fouettes last week- and more importantly, you can connect. You connect in everything, you have so much to offer, and I know that once these people hear you, they will hire you. I know it."

You sigh, you weren't sure that everything she was saying was true, but you knew that she believed the words with all of her heart and didn't want to be the reason her hope died. So you just sighed in resignation before turning to the group that was in the midst of their auditions. They were outstanding, and the longer you went on, the more self-conscious of your own lack of preparation. Subconsciously you reached out to grab Amanda's hand and ended up clutching onto her dress front.  

"Amanda, Amanda, I don't deserve to be here." Your hushed whisper, dragging harsh against your throat. Your chest tightening, your panic acting as a hangman's noose. "Amanda, I don't know what I'm singing. Amanda, what is it from? What is the song's name? How will I slate if I don't even know the name of the song? Wait, what is MY name? " Your breath started to tear through your lungs, your sinuses stung with oncoming tears. 

"Y/N, take a breath, let go before you give everyone an unexpected flash." Amanda's whispered reply was almost biting in its directness. Even if you consciously didn't hear the words, her tone cut the noose from your neck. Your lungs immediately expanded with much-needed air, your fingers loosening their grip to let her replace the fabric with her own firm grip. "Good girl, now, Y/N, what is your name?"

"Uhhhhhh…" Even if you were calming down, your brain was still coming back to grips.

"The next three are as follows: Y/N Y/L/N, Amanda Brendon, and Savannah Moffat." Wanda's lyric call cut through the silence that had filled the studio while you were trying to remember your name. 

You stood automatically, all your years of auditioning kicked you into performance autopilot. Your shoulders take their place slightly back, head high, chest on display, the skirt of your dress flowing around your thighs as if they were the mist rolling over the valley at dawn. Your face hid the horror that was filling your mind, it didn't matter that you didn't remember the name of your song, you were Y/N Y/L/N. You could fake it till you make it to perfection. Amanda was right, all you have to do is sing, and they will see you. It doesn't matter if you don't look like you used to, you are still capable, and even if you don't make it, you can't say that you didn't try. Just remember what Doctor Ellis said, 'every audition is a performance, even if they don't choose you, you were able to perform.' You can do this. After all, you sang it this morning, you could see the sheet music just behind your eyelids when you close your eyes. Just keep breathing.

Amanda gave your hand a final squeeze as she recognized the look of horrified determination in your eyes. Smiling to herself as she saw the bored looks on the panelists' faces. She met eyes with Wanda, who gave her a smirk nudging the blond man sandwiched between her and Tony. Turning his attention to your regal appearance before Tony also decided to look up from whatever was so important on his phone. 

You opened your mouth to introduce yourself, and Tony's voice filled the space clearly, saying the words that had shattered your own will to find your auditions.

"I'm sorry I must have missed you before. There is no need for you to sing today, collect your things."

Your face fell into an imitation of a polite smile as your brain processed the rejection. Guess Amanda really did save me from being culled. Before you can say or do anything, though, the blond man sitting next to Tony spoke.

"Tony, you had your chance. Now it's my turn to decide whether or not she is cast. Now sit down." 

"No, it isn't too late, Steve. I bankroll this group I get to have a say. And I won't have someone who looks like her representing my Acting Company."

"You already had your say. Now sit down and let the girl sing."

"No," Stark turns from the blond man and back to you. "No fucks given, Next, please."

 CHAPTER TWO