#I find both of their stories so sad when you actually look into it beyond a base level

[pocket-dust-starr]

the Lost Poet and the Anointed King

[inbabylontheywept]

bad dating stories time: the shoe incident

so in highschool, my best friend wasnt allowed to go on dates unless there was another couple there to keep an eye on him. part of this was his parents being insane, but also, part of it was him being insane. in a problem with no reasonable parties, there are no reasonable solutions.

at some point in my junior year, my sorta-gf broke up with me, and i just wasnt feeling dating, which was bad for my friend, because he had a good thing going with a girl he met in court.

he kind of hounded me about it. kept pushing me to just put me feet back in the dating pool and i wasnt real thrilled about it, because i knew he was pushing me for his own benefit, not mine, so i kept telling him to fuck off, and after a few weeks of being told that i would date when i was damn well ready, he eventually said: okay. what if i paid for the date AND found you a blind date AND all you had to do was show up?

and i shouldve said no, i know, but i let him wear me down, and i will own my fault in that. a date starting on such a stupid premise could never have gone well.

but he still managed to find a way to make it worse.

i dont know how long he tried to set a blind date up. it couldve been multiple attempts. he couldve stooped to this immediately. but what happened in the end was that he called a girl from the ward he attended - a girl that he knew had a giant, mushy crush on him - and he said: hey! how would you feel about going on a date this weekend?

(you know, implying it was with him, but never actually saying it.)

and she said YES WOW I WOULD LOVE TO and he said great! and then he called me up and said he found me a date.

i did not learn about his crimes until several weeks later. i will die swearing before god almighty that i would never have allowed this travesty to happen if i had known.

that was on a monday. the date of the date rolled around that friday evening, and im sorry to confess, i really phoned the whole thing in. i showed up in my favorite comfy outfit, which was also a fashion crime: basketball shorts and flipflops and a baja hoodie. it was super comfy but it made me look kind of crazy. i picked him up first, and then i picked up his date next, and then we went to pick up my date, and thats where you're gonna get the play by play.

i arrived, walked across the yard, and knocked on the front door. she opened it almost immediately, like shed been waiting right by it, and i could see her expression go from OMG IM SO EXCITED to super disappointed, then disgusted and finally pissed. and because i didn't know about my friends sins, i thought it was from my outfit. which seemed... harsh. like, hey, im allowed to be quirky, fuck you. also its a blind date, i thought the deal was that we were both going to be sad broken sacks of mortality.

anyway, we looked at each other for several seconds before she slammed the door in my face.

i looked back at my friend. he was sweating bullets. i dont know what he expected from this, but there was this big long pause where we both tried to figure out what to do, and then the door opened up, and her dad invited me in, and he said she was gonna need a few minutes to finish getting ready, and that in the meantime we could sit and talk.

we did not talk. we did sit. i sat down on the couch, and he sat down in a chair across the couch, and then instead of talking he cleaned his pistol on the coffee table. i wasnt actually sure if it was a threat, or if it was just a fidget thing for 40+ year old republican men, but when i tried to help he got snappy so i just watched him put a pistol back together.

he was okay at it.

eventually my date came downstairs, still mad as hell for reasons beyond my ken, and i felt pretty guilty for being such a mess because i thought that was why she was so angry. i tried to make up for by walking her to the car and getting the door for her, just generally trying to be extra polite, but before i could make it back to the drivers side, her dad called me back to the door. so i flipped around, went to the door, and immediately regreted my decision.

soon as i was within range, her dad got waaaay too close to me, leaned in, and said "whatever you do to her, i will do to you," and my brain went into overdrive making three consecutive realizations.

realization one was, damn, the pistol thing was a threat. that sucks. what an asshole. realization two was, wait, im autistic and even i know theres a 0% chance me and my date even hold hands, least of all boink. does this guy actually think there's even a 1% chance of anyone in that car getting laid tonight? is he an idiot? and then realization three went through, which was wait, is this guy threatening to fuck me? and unfortunately, with my brain doing so much processing, my mouth was left to run amok, so somewhere between realization 2 and 3, i said:

"i can't get pregnant"

which, i swear, wasn't actually me trying to be a smartass, it was just me pointing out that he couldn't actually follow up on that threat. it just wasn't possible. we do not live in the omegaverse and im not scared of you.

still, it was an insanely catastrophic thing to say, and the moment we both heard it, we bluescreened. that single sentence obliterated both of our momentary streams of consciousness like a saltine in front of a sand blaster. problem was, he'd probably gone his whole life not even realizing someone could say something that stupid, and making that realization was going to cost him a lot of thinking time. me though? i had been saying shit like that for 17 years, i didnt have to rewrite my expectations of human nature, i just had to plan an exit and start striding. so i was already halfway back to the car before i heard "hey. hey come back. Hey. Hey. HEY. HEY WAIT. HEY GET BACK HERE. HEY-"

and then i was in my car, and i drove away.

if this happened today, he'd have called her, and the whole thing wouldve imploded then and there, but back then, there were still a decent number of teenagers without cell phones. especially the teenagers of insane, gun toting parents. so she just said: whoa what was that all about? and i said: dont worry about it, he'll tell you about it when you get home.

and she said: ok and went back to staring daggers at me and my friend.

WHICH SURPRISINGLY isnt even how the story ends.

we went to an improv comedy show, and it was a disaster. it shouldve been like, 7/10 tops, but between my date being mad, and my friend having a good time, and me having the existential terror of knowing that a guy with a pistol was probably waiting outside his house for me to come back, it was easily 11/10. i laughed way too hard at everything. especially the jokes that flopped. id sit there in this mostly silent room and laugh until i dry heaved a little, and my date was absolutely disgusted, and even my friend was a little embarrassed, which would just make me laugh harder. i laughed so hard that night i could barely talk the next day. and then the show ended, and my friend said, you know, that was a good time, but i think we should maybe do something a little chiller? who wants to walk around the park? and his date said yeah, and my date said no, and i finally had mercy on the poor woman so i said, look, im gonna drop you off. and i am so, so sorry about this, but im dropping you off like a block away. super duper sorry.

do talk to your dad about the pistols thing if you dont want this happening more in the future tho.

and she said: okay. so i dropped her off, and she walked a block down, and that was that.

then i drove my friend and his date to a park that was good for wandering. i figured they wanted something more private, so instead of following them around point blank, i chose a park with this 30 foot rope tower, and i climbed to the top and i said: hey i can see you anywhere from up here, you are officially chaperoned from a distance. get panopticoned idiot. except my friend really is an idiot, and he didnt really get the whole 'now i dont have to third wheel so insanely hard with you guys' thing so he climbed up the tower too, and then his date followed behind him, so there are three people basically sitting together on top of a telephone pole.

and then they started making out.

i was close enough to hear it.

i didnt really know what to do so i was just kind of sitting there, dissociating, when some college kids came around and started shaking the tower. my friend's date went aaaaaaaaaa im afraid of heights :( and my friend went oh, dont worry, ill hold you tight ;) and i went hey, im gonna climb down and ask them to stop.

so i did climb down, and i did ask them to stop, and they flipped me off, which i wasnt even mad about. at that point i was i was like yeah, it would be weirder if this wasnt a mess. gods plan has been to fly this day like a 747 into my metaphorical twin towers and brother he is close enough for me to see him grinning through the cockpit window. still, eventually the college students got bored, so they climbed up the tower, which gave my friend and his date a window to climb down, and together we walked back to my car.

now, i cant explain why this is, but sitting back in the drivers seat was my carriage-back-into-a-pumpkin moment. i'd been chill about all the chaos, just rolling with the punches, but sitting down made me realize how much of a shitshow the day had been, and while i couldnt go back and fix all of it, i could go back and fix one thing.

so i told my friend and his date, hey, you two, stay here and don't do anything weird. don't. then i walked back to the rope tower, and i started picking up the shoes the college students had left at the base in order to climb.

about halfway through this, i realized that if i took all their shoes, they might think i was in it for the money, and i actually wanted them to know i was in it specifically to spite them. fuck those guys. so i put all the right shoes back, gave myself a 100 foot headstart, yelled "nice shoes, assholes", did a little jig, and started running.

my advice to everyone is that college students are faster than you think. even with the headstart, and the whole climb down the tower thing, i was still only fivish seconds ahead of them by the time i got to my car. i flung the door open, looked in the backseat, didnt see anyone, flung the stolen shoes in the backseat, heard two "ow"s, took that as proof of presence, jumped in and pealed out of the lot.

my friend and his date popped up a few seconds later. they were, uh, doing something weird in the back seat. my one request - obliterated.

they climbed up to ask where the hell all the shoes had come from, and i was like yeah i stole them from the college students, and they were like oh. cool. hope you had fun. and i was like, i did. i did. but speaking of fun, what were you doing back there?

and for the first time in my buddies life, i think he was actually embarassed.

[mono-dot-jpeg]

big sister - hyun ju

summary; a big sister will always protect, but when will she be able to relax?

genre/extra tags; one shot, found family, fluff, hurt/comfort?, canon typical violence, i dont like the second season writing, but i can not deny myself this diva, that's mother !!, teen! reader, hyun ju is the only reason i decided to watch this season, slight canon divergence bc i have the mind of a goldfish, canon typical sad heavy conversations, big sister is written to be seen as the korean honorific "unnie", older sister moments written in the point of view of a younger sibling, unintentional love letter for my appreciation to my sister, reader is implied to be some form of lgbt but not out (im projecting)

[platonic] [gender-neutral reader]

[warning; mentions of transphobic ideas]

a/n; before people ask, no, im not doing requests for this show. i just don't feel fully comfortable writing for squid game. i just really wanted to write this because, believe it or not, i write for my enjoyment. even i do switch off here every few months or every other month.

dinner had rolled around after an intense "game" of life or death. how you managed to survive this long is beyond you. but you might have a strong idea of why you're living so long, and it was the strong woman who was sitting beside you with some of the other women who were surviving so far.

the old lady had pointed out that hyun ju was not like other people. and it really was odd to her. but hyun ju was used to that. more than used to it. she lived through it since she decided to come out.

you listen to the conversation, not really putting your two cents in as it seemed like there was no right time to butt in. but as the conversation continued, the mood was just a little lighter. and that was more than enough morale. the old lady seemed to slowly understand hyun ju and her struggle.

you've zoned out so much, you almost fail to notice hyun ju sneaking an egg onto your shabby given lunch box meal. you look up at her as she gives you a warm look before pretending that she didn't just do that.

you mix the rice with not much thought, spilling some bits of rice and egg over its metal container before you slowly eat. unbeknownst to you, hyun ju glances back at you as if to make sure you're actually eating and not staring off with a tired look that no teen or child should have. you've seen everything, you're part of this sick game, she may not know your story, but she knows you don't deserve any of the bad you've been through.

you're the youngest in the entire room, a room filled with people with insurmountable debt and issues. hyun ju can only imagine your worry, your anxiety, the burden.

when the first game got serious, you were trying your damned hardest to keep your fear contained under the watchful eye of that robot scanning every movement. she was right in front of you, keeping you safe along with the rest of the people who lined up with her. you look like you wanted to cry the moment you got to the finish line. if she wasn't full of adrenaline at the time, she probably would've heard how hard your heart was beating.

somehow, she had taken two people under her care. you and young-mi. how could she not care about a young woman like young-mi and a teen like yourself? two anxious people forced to live a life full of debt and pain when you both deserved nothing but comfort and love.

people start lining up in their beds for nighttime. gi-hun was very insistent on being careful at night. it was dangerous. some people were not behind just killing others at night to sweeten the pot of money that loomed over everyone's head like a golden sun.

as most of the adults started to climb in their beds, you stand awkwardly. you weren't a stranger to sleeping a room full of people, but you were definitely a little paranoid after what gi-hun was talking about.

you find yourself naturally gravitating to hyun ju. her presence was just so calming, and she was so caring for others. it was hard not to get attached. young-mi had taken to calling her big sister. and you found yourself doing the same when you call out to her softly.

"big sister?" you gently tap at her arm as she turns to look at you. she silently urges you to continue speaking with a gentle look. you can see the tired in her eyes, but she looks at you, unwilling to say no. "this is embarrassing..." you mutter.

"it's okay. i'm here." she reassures you.

"can i stay with you tonight? i'm-" you choke a little bit on your words, not only out of embarrassment but fear. "i'm really scared. i don't wanna be alone." you confess.

she softens, "i would love to let you, but it's too risky. if people come for us, it would be very hard to fight back. i'm so sorry, kid." she opens her arm out for a hug, and you take the comfort you can get in this shitty place. "i will do my best to keep you safe, alright? when we get out of here, i'm going to find you again, and we can help each other, yeah? i'll protect you."

you nodded with her words, not finding the heart to say anything. she takes this as a sign to start guiding you into your bunk bed on top. at least the top bunks would be somewhat safer for you. you hesitantly climb into bed. "if a fight breaks out, hide. run. just be safe. i will find you, and you'll be safe." she continues to reassure you the best she can.

"okay. goodnight big sister." you whispered. "please be safe."

"i will." she said with a calm confidence that only she could pull off that didn't make you feel worried for her.

you hope that you get out of here, so you don't have to see the worried exhaustion in her eyes anymore.

she was a big sister by heart and soul. you just hoped her big heart wouldn't lead her to her doom. she protects and gives, but when will she relax?

[b14augrana]

Kiss of Strife

Football has always been your safe haven, but your home life gradually starts to manifest in different ways away from home, which doesn’t go unnoticed by your captain

Alexia Putellas x teen!reader

masterlist

Warnings: this story contains depictions of family issues associated with emotional unavailability and forms of abuse. read at your own discretion

A/N: an alexia x teen!reader angst fic was requested so here it is!! i decided this will be multiple parts as well so i hope you enjoy this chapter and the rest of this little series

(i wrote this pretty late at night and it isnt proofread so please excuse any mistakes regarding the tense, grammar etcetc)

Everything is perfect.

You’re scoring goals for your club and bagging assists. Your name is no longer a strange string of consonants and vowels but a recognisable word within the community of Cataluña, and it is only because of an ambition you dedicated the rest of your life to pursuing.

That’s just in the face of football though.

At home, there is a drought. The four walls of a family house are meant to behave like a dam which stores love and affection in the place of water, but your house is devoid of that.

Your house fosters a bitterness that doesn’t go hand in hand with anything along the lines of love and affection. The drawings on the fridge, created by a 5-year-old you, have faded over time, the ink being nothing more than splotches in some areas — a testament to the lack of care and attention your efforts received.

Relationships are barely surviving on simple greetings and empty ‘I love yous’. You crave something that is dangerous to want, but in your heart burns a desire to get the hell out.

Your lullaby is the faint yelling from the living room as you shut your eyes and focus on the gradually increasing volume of both voices, contradicting each other and trying to stab each other with no blade.

Your little sister crawls into your bed, her body flush against yours, another little arm wrapped around hers. Beneath your covers, there is warmth. Beneath your grip, there is safety.

During the school holidays, a child is supposed to savour every waking moment they spend at home and appreciate every day of it. You find yourself asking God why that isn’t the case, as you walk to practise with your sister’s hand in yours.

She sits on the sidelines picking grass as you train with your teammates, dreading the inevitable passing of minutes as you practise skill after skill. When you retreat to the bench for a quick water break, she runs up to you, bunches of chamomiles clutched in her hands that she begs to insert between the weaving of your braid.

From the day of your first training with the team, Alexia was drawn to you. She blamed it on her captain instincts, seeing as you’re the youngest on the team and therefore has the most potential, but now it’s gone beyond her captaincy. She’s known you for months, almost a full year now. She isn’t just your captain anymore.

She isn’t aware of the reality of your home life beyond the telltale signs such as the slightly sunken skin below your eyes or the bruises that taint your skin and are allegedly caused by your ‘clumsiness’. She knows there is something more to the extra effort you constantly put into training and games — she doesn’t know yet that it’s the pent up anger, sadness and fear manifesting in more productive forms.

You pour your heart and soul into the movement of the ball, in hopes that you can pursue your dreams of running away from what is restricting you from pursuing even greater dreams, an actual dream.

School starts back up for your sister. Things have been looking up for you, a huge burden off your shoulders. The house hasn’t shaken with another argument for a while and for once you get to know what silence is while you sleep, really sleep.

With every passing day, you find your memories with your father to resemble a garden; you can’t have a garden without flowers, just like how you can’t have memories of him without doing anything with him. When you were young, your garden was comparable to a rainforest, a new species in every corner, a kaleidoscope of beauty..

Until there was no more new species to plant and nurture, and the ones that already existed were getting neglected because all that you receive when you look at them are sour memories of what once was — the gardener you used to be, how rich the soil was, how steadily the flowers grew and how proud you were of your garden.

Your garden is dead now. It has gotten to the point where he doesn’t care about planting new flowers or watering the plants that already exist, leaving them to die of thirst. He’s absent and his emotional unavailability killed your flowers.

The little girl in you that wanted nothing else but love from her parents, loved that garden with her whole heart. She would’ve done anything she could to plant one more flower, she would’ve used the last drop of water in a drought to water her plants.

Alexia noticed something different about you today. The way you bounced around rather than the usual trudge… you had actual, sleep-induced energy.

Your sister also isn't with you. Alexia later asks you about it while you two are getting water and she learns that your sister is at school, and there is a smile on your face that she didn’t even realise had been absent for days until she saw it again.

Alexia has always been nice to you. The others treat you like a teammate, but she treats you like a friend. It feels like a special privilege, knowing ‘La Reina’ personally. She’s obviously a pillar in women’s football but to you, she’s much more.

She harbours a soft spot for you in her heart that becomes evident when she asks you if you need a ride home, and who are you to turn down such an offer when the ache in your legs is close to becoming unbearable?

“You’re talented, chica,” the woman says as you slink into the passenger seat of her car. “I haven’t had the chance to say it, but there hasn’t been a player like you for quite a bit.”

Her praise is so much more than just a couple of words from your captain. Though you smile and say a shy thank you, your heart races because you’ve just been called talented by one of the best players in the world, and there is no feeling greater than that. It gives you a tiny sliver of hope for a brighter future than what you’re already living, and for a moment, escaping your four walls seems possible.

The joy you experienced during the whole car ride is short lived once her car pulls into your driveway. Perhaps she can see the way your expression drops and your demeanour falls, because her hand finds your shoulder and squeezes it in a way that comforts you. “Do you want me to walk you to the door?” she asks, and though you really wish she could, you shake your head for the better.

There’s a slight frown on her face before she nods and drops her hand. You think about the possibility of her knowing that there’s something going on behind the closed doors of your home, and a big part of you hopes so, but no words besides a ‘gracías’ and ‘adios’ manage to find their way out of your mouth despite the pleas for help and support bubbling in your throat as you shut the door of her car.

When you reach the patio, the door opens to bombard you with the raucous of an argument happening around the corner of the hallway.

Your limbs are barely functioning and your eyes are struggling to stay open which is an obvious sign of the exhaustion soaring through your body, hence why you skip right past seeing your parents and beeline towards your sister’s room.

For as long as you can remember, arguments have been a consistent part of evenings spent in your household. Sometimes violence finds itself becoming the last resort, leaving you stuck to bear the brunt of a heavy hand. It’s what happens when two sides of the same coin try to work out — two negatives can’t make a positive, it’s impossible for them to get along and there is never a last word. That’s the unfortunate reality of your parents’ relationship.

You sink into the soft mattress of your sister’s bed and beckon her from the desk to lay beside you. She flips her paper over and abandons the seat to run over to you, her little body falling into your embrace. When she asks you what they’re talking about this time, you tell your sister that they’re just having a little disagreement, and if she sleeps it off, it’ll go away. It’s a promise, you say, before you proceed to tell her all about your training and your teammates. It’s her favourite thing, and she says it’s better than a bedtime story.

In no time, little exhales slip past her mouth as her eyes flutter shut, and you roll her off your body, tucking her into the butterfly printed duvet. With tentative steps across the hardwood, you find yourself at her desk and your fingers ghost over the piece of paper as you squint to read it in the dimness of her nightlight.

‘Mi papá hermana guapa

My sister is strong. She plays fútbol and she is good at it. My sister takes care of me and takes me to her pracktise, I like going with my sister. She helps me sleep and when I am with my sister, I am not scared. I am proud of m–…’

And the rest trails off. The body remains incomplete, but there’s one last sentence at the bottom of the page.

‘Amo a mi hermana.’

You place it back on her desk as you fail to combat the tears flooding your waterline. ‘She must’ve been instructed to write a poem by her teacher… for Father’s Day’, you think to yourself. Turning away so you don’t ruin her writing with your tears, you wiped them with the back of your Barça jacket sleeve and flipped the page around before making a dead silent exit. The house was completely still beside the low noise of talking from the TV and light snoring.

Your tears are not because of happiness. No, they stream down your face because it’s then that you realise something, and it opens up a whole new portal of questions.

As the streak of silence is broken and you’re forced to fall asleep to the low humming noise from the living room and a restless mind, you wonder what twisted realm of anger and bitterness your father lives in that forbids him from showing the smallest signs of love to his kids.

But, you already know the answer to that question, deep down. Instead, you wonder if you’ll see Alexia tomorrow, stretching in her usual spot, and you wonder if she’ll look up and smile at you again and invite you over.

You hope that’s what will happen. You pray for it.

[evaglass]

Speculation about Mizu's parents pt. 4

Going back to the story of the Ronin and the Bride

This is official concept art, I believe. Look at the blue eyes, then specifically look at the baby, and the blanket the baby is wrapped around her. That blanket is seen somewhere else.

It looks like the blanket baby Mizu had laying below her

It's also seen again in a flashback when Mizu is a child and also used as her belt throughout the show.

Remember when I said that the Ronin and Bride could also represent her parents. Using the connections with the films that influenced the show, as well as hints of foreshadowing, I believe Mizu's mother found out she was pregnant, probably tried to run away to raise Mizu in safety (like the Bride in Kill Bill), realized that finding safety for both her and Mizu might take more time than she thought, left Mizu in the care the maid, during that time her actual mother was found and killed by one of the white men like Fowler stated before she could ever reunite with Mizu.

I also have a hunch that Mizu's biological mother died the same night Mizu's childhood home went up in flames, and she was left to survive on the streets. It would make the scene where Mizu is a child swearing to her 'mother' that she'll avenge them. Of course, Mizu was referring to the maid, who later turned out to survive that night, but then her quest for vengance later shifted to the reason being of her existence as a 'monster'.

I also believe the blue eyes of the Bride from the puppet show when she comes back as an Onryo are supposed to represent Mizu's mother's eyes as well, and that she got her blue eyes from her mother. Like Yuki, Mizu could be a representation of her mother's need for vengance after death.

Why? Well, because, as I said earlier, she could have tried to run away and find the best opportunity to leave Japan unnoticed (like how Beatrix tried to run away with her unborn daughter), but eventually was found and killed. So, her rage lives on through Mizu because her mother was taken away from her, was stripped of the chance to raise her, to be there when she was scared, lonely, or sad, to see all her milestones, to let her know that she loves her, etc.

Mizu could be a representation of her mother's rage beyond the grave, and she doesn't even know it

When Fowler finds out Mizu is actually a woman, he knows exactly who she is. That she was raised in hiding, that she had a maid raise her, that there's a high bounty for her.

I don't think Fowler laughed at the fact that Mizu is a woman, I think he might have laughed because he finds the situation ironic. He knows that Mizu is out for vengance because she's mad about her existence; that a white man, who brought pain to many people with his three fellow white men, impregnated her Japanese mother, causing her to be born a 'monster', and costing her the ability to live a normal life.

Fowler found out Mizu wants all her potential white fathers dead before he even found out she's a woman. After finding out Mizu is a woman, a specific woman too, he laughs because maybe he knows none of the white men are her father because it's mother who was the European one, and she's going through all that trouble only for the white person responsible for her existence to already be dead.

So if that's the case, why didn't Fowler just tell her? Well, do you honestly think Mizu would believe him? If anything, she could have seen the potential reveal of her mother being the European as getting him, Skeffington, and Routley to dodge responsibility. Fowler is a shitty person, but he's not stupid. Mizu is also a bit hot-headed, she probably would have definitely killed him if he revealed something like that.

Fowler knows Mizu being mixed-raced is a big insecurity for her and has proven to her that she will do anything to kill the people responsible for it. Fowler not telling her, could possibly be for the reason of simply buying himself time because him telling her she won't find Routley and Skeffington without him gives him the chance to find away to escape when they arrive at the British Isles.

Now, there's the question of who could be Mizu's father. I'll explain in part 5 (I know this already long, but I'm almost done)

Part 1/Part 2/Part 3/Part 4/Part 5/Part 6

[narcjsistx]

𝐔𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃 | kaiser x reader

— part nine

plot: kaiser comforted you after a bad and slow breakup, but what will happen now considering what you two shared? is everything still unexpected or is there something you both simply have yet to realize?. fluff shit 'cause yeah!!

words: 2.7k (2711)

extra: it will probably become a multi part story, tell me if you're interested in a part ten!. This is my first time trying a chapter with images, but I need them for the plot

𝐌𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ; take a look, trust me!. you can find the other parts of the story by searching in the section dedicated to bllk

You look at your phone, your hands shaking every time you reread even just two or three of the comments on the post: it's incredible how everyone, everyone except Gabriel, has sensed your discomfort in his touch and his simple presence. Or maybe he understood it too, but he forced it because he knew it would bother you, which would be typical of him. On the other hand, there are also many comments that note Michael's presence at the fashion show, how he looked at you and how you actually looked back at him. Many also noted how he seemed angry when he saw that creep of your ex

You didn't think you'd make his presence so obvious, but you're obviously bad at keeping it under wraps. On the one hand, it's normal that he was at the show tonight, after all, for the media you're still best friends, but maybe it was the way you looked at each other that made someone have doubts, because in the midst of the sea of comments about Gabriel there are also some about Kaiser and his gaze towards you

The show ended less than half an hour ago, it's already midnight and the agency published the post, tagging you. The fashion show, beyond the unexpected, was a real success: you came back viral in less than a few hours, and now everyone seems to forget the hatred they poured out on you when you were still considered the one who cheated on Gabriel. You have many emotions in your body, such as joy and happiness, but also many similar to sadness and anger

But also a lot, a lot of confusion

Why didn't you know that Gabriel, who until a few weeks ago was your boyfriend, was one of the founders of this fashion agency. Why did he seem to be so in tune with the designer, that you swear he never mentioned you in all the time you were together? How could you not know these things?

Gabriel had an agency, yes, but an Italian one... the same one you worked for and from which you voluntarily resigned. You don't deny that he had often mentioned to you that he had some connection with some agency in Germany, but none of these involved being a founder. Also, the designer seemed to be the same age as you, so why didn't you know her? In the fashion world everyone knows each other a little, even you knew models or designers for whom you never actually worked, so why did this Ursula seem to have appeared out of nowhere for you but not for Gabriel?. Everything seemed to have a common thread, but you lacked the light to make it work and therefore understand it

A notification from your phone wakes you from your thoughts. You look down, at the screen

You read the message, and sigh to release some tension. Maybe having Kaiser to comfort you now would be nice, but hell, you don't want to look like someone who waits for the person you love only to unload on him all the bad you have inside

You look at yourself in the mirror: you are still wearing your makeup, your hair is loose and there is no trace of the dress, replaced by underwear and a simple white tank top. You left the clothes you were wearing before in the dressing room, but evidently they took them to be washed without your consent. You still have something else to wear to go home, but you don't have the physical strength when it comes to searching through the big wardrobe that the staff has granted you

Your phone keeps getting notification after notification, and you notice how the post has now been replicated on another social, where there are several people arguing in the comments

There are people who support you, others who have noticed Kaiser's presence, others who still believe the version that Gabriel gave of you where you are the one who cheated on him. It is precisely this last thing that bothers you the most, because you are probably one of the people in the world who viscerally hates everything that deals with cheat, physical and in the field of friendship. They called you a whore, a slut, but traitor is what bothers you the most

And now, seeing the situation you are in, you regret having abandoned everyone years ago to go to Italy with him. Italy has given you so much, you can't help but admit it, but you would have preferred never to have met the man who is now destroying you after you were back to square one after so much pain. You wanted to go back to being yourself, the same you were and always will be, but you wanted to do it with the knowledge that Gabriel can no longer do anything to you

But apparently, he still can

And that means you can't really start over yet

You sigh, resting your head on your folded arms on the vanity table. You have to be strong, because no one will be for you, or rather, you know that Kaiser would be, but you have always been an independent girl

Lost in your thoughts, you hear some female voices in the hallway. It's probably some model, but there's a voice that you can't quite recognize as a female. You raise your head when you hear the door suddenly open, and your eyes widen when you see who it is

Gabriel. You don't know how he did it, but he's here, with his usual dick face

"What?" you say, turning to him, nerves on edge. You watch him slowly close the door behind him, leaning his back against the finely crafted wood "Surprise". You look at him disgusted, while he seems absolutely amused by your behavior "I didn't know you were the founder of an agency in Germany. Not only do you tell false things about me, but also to me" you say in a sour tone, and he doesn't seem at all hurt by your words, which slide off him without hitting him "About you, to you... I don't see any difference, honestly. As long as you're in the middle it's fine, right?" he asks giggling, and you are tempted to take the perfume bottle next to you and throw it at him

"Seriously, what do you want?" you ask annoyed, and he seems serious again "You already know. Back together, you and me, back to our home in Italy. I'll say that I said things about you in a moment of anger and everyone will understand me because oh, they love me so much. And you'll go back to having a respectable life and a respectable boyfriend" he says

You swear you're fighting a battle with yourself to not throw yourself at him and beat them until he's dead. He knows all about the pain he's caused you, and now what does he want? To get back together? You and him back in that house? You'd rather puke until the day you die, which would be soon anyway. Gabriel has destroyed you, and you know that if you accept his apology he'll do exactly what he's done before. It's a wicked game, one he loves to play with his favorite victim, you

He loves the feeling of knowing you are beneath him, compliant, always ready to accept his screams at you. He knew from the beginning that you simply needed someone to love you, and he turned the situation to his advantage. But now he doesn't know that you don't want to play his games anymore, that you've finally understood that he has reached the limit of everything he can do. He doesn't know that the role of respectable boyfriend that he used to have is now held by Kaiser, who has always been the boy he didn't have to worry about and who he has always kept away from you since you've been together

“You’ve always been good at jokes, I’ll give you that” you say sarcastically, rising from the stool you’ve been sitting on, slowly walking towards him “But if you have any intention of making me be who I’ve always been with you, you’re sorely mistaken. I’m sick of all your fucking drama, your lies, just being you! You enjoy using me because you know you can do it, but hey, bad news, that girl you love is gone. Subjugate another person, another whore since you always thought of me as one, but don’t even joke about me getting back into a relationship with you" you say, walking towards him, your voice firm and confident “You’re a worm, one of those parasites. You only love the ones you can use, because no one really loves you for who you are, because you suck. You change people’s minds so much that you make them your lovers, and hell, I admit you did that to me too and you succeeded, it worked for our entire relationship. But parasites, if they come into contact with insecticide, they die" you say

You end up in front of him, a few inches away. You hold his gaze for the first time in a long time, and you have no intention of looking away. The pressure is building, but so is your desire to make him understand what a shitty person he is

"The insecticide is my self-respect, which you tried to take away from me. But you can't make me whore, a slut, yours anymore. And if you think that-" you keep talking, but you feel his hands coming to your jaw, holding you still. You remain paralyzed, trying to free yourself from his grip "What the fuck do you want to do to me? Shut me up? What do you mean, that I'm right, that you know how much you suck?" you say in a challenging tone, not wanting to stay quiet

His gaze is fixed on you, while his hands tighten their grip more and more. It's hurting you, but it's nothing you can't handle after everything he's done to you. "You remain a whore even when I give you the chance to fix it" he says, and moves his hand just enough to pinch your cheek, leaving a huge, painful red mark

"Who would be a whore?"

You turn to the door, behind Gabriel. Kaiser's slender figure looks like a miracle, and hell, from the look on his face he seems to have heard far too much of everything he's told you. You breathe a small sigh of relief, and your grip is released the moment Gabriel seems to hear Kaiser's voice. He turns, meeting the gaze of your secret boyfriend, who is clenching his hands into fists at his sides, making the veins in his hands stand out

They look at each other, and you see the hatred that has always united them. Gabriel has hated Kaiser from the first moment, and you know after reading the letters that Micheal has never tolerated him. Gabriel has forbidden you to see him for a long time, and Kaiser blames him for having taken you away from him. But now, beyond the hatred, you reflect in your ex's gaze a hint of fear, which he is trying not to show

"I only see one whore in this room, maybe two, but I don't have the necessary proof" he says, and you are surprised at how he still tries to play the role of the righteous one, even though he knows that everything is against him. Gabriel knows very well that Kaiser in terms of strength can even kill him, and yet he is acting as if he doesn't feel even a shred of fear, even though his eyes tell another story. Michael looks at him for a few seconds, even chuckling. His tattooed hand then meets the other man's head, who ends up lying on the floor with his head crushed "Whore? Me?"

It's a quick gesture, which takes you a bit by surprise. You rub your cheek with the pinch, from which you feel a trickle of blood coming out when you bring your hand in front of your gaze. Kaiser watches the scene, noticing both the blood and the red on your face, and this thing seems to ignite something in him: he picks the man up bodily from the ground, slamming him against the wall while holding him by the shoulders "What the fuck is wrong with you to do something like that to her? Isn't it enough for you to be a piece of shit?" he yells at Gabriel, who is now seriously starting to shake. You jump at the gesture, coming up behind Kaiser as you shake his shoulder to calm him down, but he doesn't even seem to notice you as he looks at the man in front of him with the same intensity he's concentrating on scoring. It seems like he's now venting everything he feels for Gabriel, lethal hatred

"Micheal please, don't overdo it" you say in a pleading tone, but nothing seems to stop his raging river "How the fuck do you call yourself a man if you don't even know how to treat a girl who until recently was your girlfriend? Are you really so disgusting that you don't know how to react to reality except with your hands?" he screams, and in a messy way he slams him against the wall. The situation seems to be seriously getting more serious than you think, and you shake his shoulders so as to at least make him understand that if he continues like this he will be the one to be in the wrong

"I don't care if you call me a whore, because I don't care what you think of me. But if you, who are shit, call her a whore, who only put reality in your face, it pisses me off. If you can't accept reality it's not my problem, but it's my problem if you try to put your hands on her" he says harshly, and only after a while can he feel your agitation. With a sigh full of tension he releases his shoulders, and Gabriel falls to the ground as he tries to catch his breath. The scene seems to play out in front of your eyes on repeat, as you tremble for some reason unknown to you. You look at Kaiser, who is still looking at the floor, where Gabriel is still sitting. He also seems to be tense, but you see him turn in your direction, putting a hand in front of you, as if he is waiting for you to recover. You gulp down a lump of saliva, taking a few steps forward as you grab his hand, a gesture that after that exit from the hotel, has become important to you. You squeeze it, and you feel it reciprocate from his fine fingers. “Go away" Kaiser says, his tone calmer now but still harsh. You watch the scene still shaking a little, but less than before. It was a bad and harsh experience

In this situation and after hearing your current boyfriend's words, you think about how he didn't hesitate to defend you, which is not a given. Michael had no problem putting your ex in his place when he crossed the line, and you realize how much he cares about you, which makes your heart explode. He had no problem being called a whore, but when he said it to you? Oh, he exploded. It does your heart good to think about how now someone finally genuinely loves you

Gabriel stands up hastily, straightening his suit as if nothing had happened. He doesn't dare look at either of you, but breaks this situation as he is about to leave the room, where he turns to you, completely ignoring Kaiser at your side

Gabriel hates you. He hates that you're finally realizing how shitty he's always been to you

Gabriel hates knowing that the old version of you no longer exists, that can no longer subdue you

Gabriel hates you

And you know the shit just started

tag(s): @rroxii ; @kittenish0 ; @bungoustraydogsno1fan (if you want to be tagged tell me!)

[ellestra]

Beyond the Wasteland of Vengeance

I just watched Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga and I loved it. It was hard at times as this is a harsh world and the rule of prequels tells us who has to die. But it was so worth it. We already know this is story of hope in the end. We know how Furiosa's Fury Road ends. It's starts with the same unrelenting determination (like the way she makes sure no one could tell of her home).

The cast is great (even if Chris Hemsworth fake face is somewhat distracting) but I think the most impressive was Alyla Browne who is Furiosa much longer than I expected for a film marketing Anya Taylor-Joy so heavily. She has some of the most badass parts (if you thought you hated Immortan Joe's sons before... well, thinking of their deaths is even more satisfying now). She is also made look so alike Anya that I initially missed the moment they switched.

But Immortan Joe and his band of monsters are just background creeps showing the decay of the world in general. The main villain is the one who took everything she loved from Furiosa. And didn't even remember half of it because he destroyed so many lives hers was nothing special. The one who set her on this path.

There is something sad about Dementus. You can almost feel, not compassion, but at least pity. You can see glimpses of a person he used to be before children died and you see how the end of the world destroyed him. It's like the voiceovers at the beginning describe what happened to his mind and soul when everything fell apart.

He's embodiment of that rot (and him going through white to red to black phases makes it even more clear). And he destroys everything he touches. At least the lords of Citadel, Bullet Farm and Gas Town built something. Something horrible and cruel but something. He can only destroy. He thinks finding Abundance will save him but he will only destroy that too. As I said, allegory.

Furiosa is his opposite because she doesn't let the cruelty of the world destroy her like this. She doesn't let the rot take hold of her and use her to spread. She never trusts the monsters surrounding her and she doesn't believe any of their promises. There is no safety in just letting them do that one thing. The cruelty will not end and will not be just that one thing.

I loved how she never stopped fighting. Not during her kidnapping. Not during her imprisonment. And then she found a way to escape one into another and then escape that one too. Using the very way those men wanted to poses her to plan her escape. Even when she loses her way home (figuratively and literally) to have her revenge it doesn't last. Even if she needed help in to follow her dream.

It's hard to trust in this world because a single act of kindness may cost you everything. But not everyone is evil. Even in Wasteland she finds someone who actually gives her help she needs. Someone she wishes to share her goal with. This films actually did "not all men" and it was great because it was earned but also because it helped explain why she would trust Max eventually. She already knew there are ones you can trust.

I tried to be pretty generic so far but behind this cut are SPOILERS for the very end (even though I don't say what it actually is - you can watch it yourself).

That ending was perfect both as foreshadowing who she will become but also as a callback to the beginning of the movie. Dementus tried to make her his daughter and use her to replace his children but she rejected him completely. Even if that was just swapping one monster for a bunch of even worse ones. And here at the ends he gloats about turning her into his daughter anyway. One in spirit anyway.

That like him she becomes creature of revenge and cruelty that nothing will ever satiate. Someone so obsessed with vengeance she will never stop even when the other side just want to leave (the mirroring of all the time he chased his prey and her chasing him was pretty nice). He thinks his death would just seal the deal because his suffering will never be great enough to soothe her pain.

You know, your standard - you will become like me spiel a villain does in moment like these. And lesser movies have heroes let villain go to prove them wrong (and then he tries to kill the hero anyway so the hero can have “my life was in danger” excuse to kill them anyway).

And she does lets him live but she doesn’t let him win. Once again she rejects him just like she did as a child. She remakes him into a symbol of her new purpose. She creates life out of a rotten man who did nothing but destroy lives of those around him. She makes him suffer for all the suffering he caused but that suffering is to build something new. And to create hope and future for those who have been abused by men like him.

And just like he asked she made it epic but as one last “fuck you” to him trying to control her story no one knows (well, almost no one). It’s epic and it’s a secret.

There is also something poetic that Furiosa eventually took over the Citadel - something he wanted so badly and never achieved. It retroactively made ending of Mad Max: Fury Road even better. And since it only took few days of them being gone he’s probably still there as she remakes it into the new Green Place.

[drdemonprince]

i read in the comments to my last ask about "ordinary unhappiness" the idea of depression as a lack of agency and i feel like that is true? when i feel miserable and in pain, it's not because something is sad but because something is either unachievable or impossible (or at least there is the perception of it). and like i think that's what you were getting at too? this thing that drives you to keep going, this lack of satisfaction. i simply don't have anything i can give into such that i would ever even feel a lack of satisfaction. i've never had anything to give myself into and feel frustrated and perhaps sometimes successful in but instead i just envy the people who do have those things. nothing i've ever done has felt maintained a sense of emotional connectiveness in that way (positive or negative). i guess to wrap this back around to another potential talking point, i'm curious how you find that in your life? is it weird for me that nothing has ever felt worth putting myself whole ass into? idk, i find it envious you've got both writing and gay hypno fetish stuff you're able to just throw yourself into so wholly and utterly

Passion isn't inherent, it can be a choice too. I only look like I care a ton about writing and gay hypno stuff because I have deliberately chosen to pursue those passions, for many years, and cultivated a deep interest in them, anon.

When I was in my early twenties, I felt completely empty. I was a void. If you've read the first chapter of Unmasking Autism, this is the period I'm talking about in that book. I went away to graduate school (because I was good at academics, and I had some illusions about what a career in that field would do for me), but I had absolutely zero zest for the subject of psychology at that point. I had no research ideas. I read psychology books and publications purely out of obligation. I did what was required of me, but nothing additional beyond that, and I spent the rest of my time sitting at home, sometimes literally staring at the wall and crying. I had no friends or hobbies, aside from taking long, long depression walks listening to podcasts in order to fill the silence.

This was when I was at my most depressed, and my most suicidal. Just existing was a pain. I'd sob in bed at night and cry out begging for God to kill me, and I didn't even believe in God. The only thing that distracted me from my pain was a guy I was seeing, who was beautiful and very cruel and inconsistent, and I clung to him through all kinds of lies and abuse because it felt as though my happiness was located inside of him.

I had a friend that I wrote to about how miserable I was, and all the twists and turns that my horrible romance was taking. Her name was Heather. (Unlearning Shame is dedicated to her). She told me hey, you're a really good writer, did you know that? I really enjoy reading your emails, even when you're speaking about the most pitiful anguished shit, you really put it poetically and have a ton of insight. You should write more.

For a while, I ignored her. I didn't care about writing. I just wanted to get my pain out on the page because I had nobody to talk to, and oodles of time to waste. I had nothing otherwise that I felt I HAD to say. I had no PASSION. I did not feel like I was put on this earth to do anything. Other people seemed to have these drives, and I had nothing.

But then one day in a fit of depression I stopped by a bookstore right near my apartment, The Armadillo's Pillow, just to get outside of the house. I happened upon a book I had loved in high school, Jonathan Franzen's The Corrections. I took it home. I read it. It transported me for a few hours away from my pain. I went back to the book store and picked up some sci-fi. A John Varley collection, I think. I was also swept away from my suffering, even when the stories had flaws that I noticed. I was interested in the actual craft of storytelling: what worked and what didn't. And there was finally some beauty in my head instead of the usual dreariness and self-hatred and emptiness.

And so. I made the choice to write. I could have taken it or left it at that point. I didn't care about anything. Caring is a muscle that you have to flex. And when you're depressed, it can be very hard. I needed a lot of nudges from the external world and other people, to realize that I had some things I did gravitate toward, even if I didn't realize it.

All that time of course I WAS driven to write. I was churning out 5k word letters to Heather every day practically. I was reading stupid shit online. And when it was put in front of me, and I had no reason to feel guilt about not working hard enough on other things, I reached for books. But I didn't feel passion strongly under the heavy blankets of my depression. Or usually at all, really. I am a quite internally muted person whose emotions are suppressed. But they're there. Speaking to me softly. And to overcome my depression, I had to decide to listen to them instead of ignoring them all of the time, and give them kindling, and then fan them into a flame.

I started blogging regularly while I was in graduate school (right here, hello, you can check my archive dating back to 2011), and finding a reason to live. When I was writing, I felt like the world was interesting, and beautiful. It gave me new things to do. I attended literary readings and book launches all over town. I submitted work to magazines. I bought old copies of magazines and read them. I inhaled books. I listened to fiction podcasts. I joined writing groups. At first, it felt like a slog, like anything else. Doing these things, I was not "happy". But I was interested. I liked learning about the world of publishing, critiquing people's stories in my head, and commisserating with other Tumblr writers about the stuff that got featured on the Prose tag that sucked.

After YEARS of doing this, of choosing to fan my passions, it became a genuine motivation in my life. But even then? I lose track of it sometimes. I get busy, or there's no place comfy to sit and read in my apartment, and I forget that I like writing and reading for months at a time. And then I have to choose it again. It takes effort to care about something, every time.

It's the same way with hypno. I did have a fetish for this stuff all my life long. But it's a passion that people always thought was weird and gross, and that I thought was bad. I didn't tell anyone about it until my late 20's. I felt ashamed masturbating to it or looking up hypno content online. For years I snuffed out that flame of passion until I could barely feel it anymore. It wasn't until I was super depressed AGAIN in my later 20's that I took a bunch of weird off-label anti-depressant drugs under the table and had a weird dreamy headspace overtake me and make me insanely horny that I remembered how much I loved hypno, and because I was in search of an escape from my tormented brain, I sought hypnotists out.

And I had the time of my life. But I also had boring, awkward encounters, bad hook-ups, and had to do a ton of work.

My passions have drawn me out of depression because I needed them to. I had to find them, listen to them, and then give them lots of food. And it's one of the few things that a person does often have agency over, no matter how dispiriting their circumstances. You can make choices about where to put what attention you do have, in what free moments you do have. When you're on the bus or in line at the grocery store and you're thinking about how much you hate yourself, you can try to think about a story you read or a sexual fantasy you had, instead. It's a lot of work. But it's better work than the work of hating yourself, which takes a whole lot of energy and attention itself.

I hope you can find something like this for you. It doesn't really matter what it is. It can be some hobby you've always wanted to try, or something "childish" you've suppressed. Having a passion isn't like being chosen by the universe to care about something. It's not like love at first sight. Nothing fucking works like that in life. It's always work. It's always a choice you have to make, because no one else will give it to you. But there can be hints that you can follow, sometimes.

[sotwk]

Cinder Girl (Fíli x unnamed OC)

Summary: The Crown Prince of Erebor faces the dilemma of losing his heart to a lovely yet humble palace servant.

Word count: 2.4 k

Content: Fluffy, tropey romance and comfort, Durins Live AU, post-BotFA, class division, love confession, Pining Prince Fíli

Rating: General (no warnings apply)

To Read on AO3: Link

Dedication and Inspiration: Thank you to the Anon who inspired this concept long ago by sending me this message! <3

Also for my friend, @guardianofrivendell, a true Fíli aficionado with an incredible repertoire of fics of our beloved Dwarf Prince. You probably don't remember, but this fic fulfills the "Love Confessions" request you made from my Valentine Event in 2023! Better late than never? Welcome back! <3

Cinder Girl 

The Reclaimed Kingdom of Erebor

Third Age 2945

What to do, what to do? The proper thing, of course. The decision should be that simple, and it usually was so for Fíli.  

Except now. Except when it came to her. 

The young dwarf lord tugged on the beaded braid of his mustache and leaned forward in the cushioned bench on which he sat. He made a motion to stand, only to plop back down again with a frustrated grunt. He had been dithering that way for the last ten minutes, at least. 

And he had spent twice as long sitting there, only half ashamed of allowing himself to enjoy the sight that surprised him when he returned to his chambers following a day-long council meeting. 

I am just looking, is all, Fíli reminded himself, desperate to excuse his poor manners. He knew the right thing to do would be to gently wake her, assure her that she was in no trouble, and allow her to discreetly exit the room she should never have been caught in. 

Surely this was a sign. A gift from Mahal himself, to force his stubborn, weak arse into action. Yet there he was again, he who was hailed as the Lion of Erebor, one of the bravest warriors in the kingdom, just sitting there stupidly, staring as he always did, because he could never find neither strength nor courage to do anything else in the presence of this dwarrowdam that stole the very breath from his lungs. 

Even as she lay there on the lush fur rug by the fireplace, in a cozy warmth that likely had lulled her to sleep, her presence paralyzed him. She was that very rare gem, found only once in a generation, exquisite in itself without need for cutting or polishing, or settings of gold, or other fine stones to accompany it. 

"Beyond beautiful," Fíli thought, and his chest filled with both longing and wonderment of how utterly she had ensnared him with so little effort, with such little awareness of the effect she caused.

She had dazzled Fíli the moment she cast her first smile and first spoke his name, and from then on the prince was blind to all others. When she laughed, Fíli finally understood why his brother Kíli constantly acted the fool just to earn that sweet sound from his own lady’s lips.

And so Fíli neglected to mention the titles that accompanied his name, and as a result he was able to enjoy hours of conversations with the newcomer from the Blue Mountains, basking in her uninhibited laughter and open stories and playful touches.

But the ruse would not last even a month. When she finally discovered that the new “friend” who had welcomed her to Erebor was actually King Thorin’s heir, next-in-line to the throne of Durin, an invisible wall rose between them. She never laughed in the same way around him again. She remained friendly and kind, yes, but every action toward him was suddenly restrained by prim courtesy. Their once animated conversations were dampened by measured, cautious responses. Even her beautiful smile was dimmed by a strange sadness, as though the knowledge of his royal identity disappointed her. 

"Please, you don't have to…" he said, when he once tried to stop her from bowing to him as they passed each other in the hall. 

"It is only proper, my lord," she murmured, keeping her lovely eyes lowered to her feet, only doubling Fíli's frustrations. "I bid you a good day, Prince Fíli."

And she hurried away with her cleaning pail in tow, before Fíli could offer to help, before he could muster up the nerve to invite her to dinner, which was why he had come down to the servants’ hall in the first place. All he had succeeded in doing was send the tongues of the palace domestic staff wagging. 

Eventually Fíli's despair grew heavy enough that he sought Balin's counsel, daring not to broach the topic with the one person who could completely relieve him of his fear: that no future was possible between the Heir of Durin and a dwarf not only from a different clan, but without rank or advantages. 

Balin remained silent while Fíli laid out his entire predicament--during the prince’s impassioned speech, and a long while after. Too long, so much that the thoughtful calm Fíli usually admired in his sagacious old cousin only set his teeth on edge.

“I must say this is troubling news to hear indeed,” Balin finally spoke, tugging thoughtfully at his beard.

“Troubling?!” Fíli exclaimed. “How could you already deem it as such when you have not yet met her? What matters her lack of status when she is the sweetest and gentlest soul to ever bless me with her company?! That is, until she decided she could no longer tolerate my presence,” he amended glumly. 

“Calm yourself, boy.” Balin chuckled between sips of his ale. “You have only ever raved this passionately about very few things before, and never about a bonnie lass. For a moment I thought I might actually be speaking to Kíli.”

“That isn't close to either the comfort or counsel I was hoping for, Balin.”

“Harrumph. That is because I have neither of those things for you, lad! What you need is to be slapped back into your senses!” Balin shook a stout finger at the dwarf-prince. “Have you so little knowledge or faith in your Uncle that you could not bring this matter straight to him?”

Fíli drew back, eyebrows lifted in bewilderment. “I thought he would scoff at the frivolity of it, before declaring my desire for her as unsuitable.”

“Because the girl is common?” Balin snorted when Fíli nodded. “It would wound Thorin so deeply to hear this, that I shall not even bother repeating your words to him.” He reached across the dinner table to grip Fíli’s arm. “Your Uncle risked his life, risked everything to take back this Mountain for you, my boy. To give you the future that he felt you deserved. Do you think that future is all about gold?”

Balin smiled and slapped Fíli gently on his slack-jawed face. “It is about choice, and freedom. The freedom to chase whatever dreams you wish. Go and speak to Thorin. It appears there is much he needs to clarify about his expectations of you as the realm’s prince and his heir.” 

Fíli had genuinely intended to heed Balin’s advice to discuss things with his uncle. But after failing to quickly gain an audience with the chronically busy king, he let his nerves conquer him yet again, as he put off pursuing that conversation. And so day after day passed with him stuck in the plight of his own making… leading at last to that evening, when the source of his agony literally lay right before him inside his own chambers, demanding to be dealt with.

The more time passed with him just sitting and staring at the sleeping chambermaid, the longer each minute seemed to stretch, and the more ridiculous Fili felt in his inertness. 

Just when his frustration came to its peak, and he felt unable to tolerate himself any longer, the prince rose quietly and stepped towards the figure on the fur rug. 

A pounding knock barely gave him any warning before his chamber door swung wide open and Kili barreled inside. “Did you not say you were starving, brother? What is taking you so--??”

Kili stopped short, his wide-eyed stare darting between Fili and the lady that had stumbled to her feet, disheveled and disoriented. It was impossible to tell who looked more mortified by his arrival. 

“Have I… am I interrupting something?”

“I am so very sorry, milords!” the maiden blurted out. “I didn't mean to, I---I am so--!” Her ashen face suddenly colored by the violence of her embarrassment, she grabbed her cleaning pail from the hearth. The contents rattled inside the metal bucket, so badly did her hands shake as she gave a hasty curtsy to the royal princes.

“N-no, no wait, please… h-hold on for just a moment--” Fili began, when his tongue finally came unstuck from the roof of his mouth, but it was too late. She rushed across the room and straight out the open door without ever lifting her gaze off the ground. 

“Brother, I am sorry, I didn't know--”

Fili brushed aside the apology and scrambled past Kili to fly out into the hallway. Panic had broken through his earlier paralysis and suddenly he could not move fast enough, his body acting beyond the constraints of his judgment. 

He called after her; the sound of her name and his footsteps chased her down the empty corridor. But to Fili's dismay she did not stop or even slow down, and just as she was about to turn a corner and descend the stairs leading from the palace wing, a desperate shout escaped containment, partially strangled in the tightness of his throat, but still too loud to be ignored. 

“I love you, all right?! I love you!!”

The frantic clatter of the metal pail ceased, and all Fili could hear against the ensuing silence was the roar of his pulse beneath his ears. In several strides, he closed the distance to come before the maiden. She stayed rooted to the spot and motionless, apart from the heaving of her bosom as she chased her breath. 

“This was not how I wanted you to find out.” The calm in his own voice surprised Fili, as did the confidence that drove his words. “But I also do not wish to take it back. Hiding from the truth has gained me nothing but pain.”

“I appreciate your candor, milord, and I regret your pain.” She continued to address him, but her eyes remained firmly lowered towards her hands, white-knuckled in their grip around the pail handle. “But what am I to do with these fine words you offer? How can a peasant be worthy to receive the affections of a prince?”

“Worthy?” Fíli repeated in distaste. “What causes you to believe that you must be worthy to--?”

“You are the future King of Erebor.” She spoke loudly over him, as though she had not heard him at all, or was determined not to. “The blood of Durin the Deathless runs in you! I am just a nobody from a Broadbeam village in the Blue Mountains--” 

“I was born in such a village, same as my father!” Fíli cut her off with matching fervor. “And you are certainly not ‘just a nobody’ to me.”

Something in his words finally reached her, for at last she raised her bowed head ever so slightly, just enough for her gaze to meet his, and the tears that shimmered in her eyes wiped away the last of his hesitation.

“We are not different, ghivashel. Not in any way that matters.”

Her smile that bloomed at that word, one that proclaimed her more precious than any treasure in Erebor, revived a light in him that had gone out in the long weeks of her absence. 

When Fíli reached out to relieve her of the cleaning pail, she did not resist. Grasping her wrist, he rested her open hand upon his. He swept his thumb back and forth all across her palm, over the red scrapes and dirt-streaked calluses that made her all the more beautiful and admirable in his eyes.

“Not long ago, I spent each waking day with my face smeared in soot, my arms and hands burnt from the blaze of forge fires, aching to the bone after hours of back-breaking labor.”

He pushed up his tunic sleeve to show her: the patches of discolored skin from old burns, the countless scars that littered the entire length of his arm, almost to his elbow. 

“But I would always go to bed happy, and proud of my honest living, of the smith that I was.” He shook his head and corrected himself. “The smith that I am. Whatever titles and additional duties I may now carry as a consequence of my inheritance, I am still that same soot-covered dwarf.”

He sealed her hand between his two and lightly kissed the fingertips that peeked out from the cage of his palms.

“All I ask is for a chance to show you that,” he said softly. “With the hope that you might come to love what you see in me. For I have already, absolutely, fallen in love with everything I see in you.”

Her silence filled the entire length of the passageway, all the way up to the high ceilings. Under the crushing weight of its persistence, Fíli’s hope started to falter. But as the fear of his failure to convince her started to creep in, his grip all the more tightened around her hand. He couldn't let go. He did not know how he could ever let her go.

“From the first day we met,” she finally spoke. “I already loved everything I saw in you…Fíli of the Blue Mountains.” She tipped her chin up and squared her shoulders, face set with resolution alongside her gentle smile. “I think that love can bring me the courage I need to let the other side of you, Prince Fíli of Erebor, into my heart as well.” 

Fíli’s entire being swelled with such relief and unbridled joy he thought he might catch flame. His arms found themselves around her waist, drawing her close to his desire to demonstrate the feelings he had restrained for too long.

Alas, a sudden and deafening crash rang through the hall to cut off Fíli’s eager quest.  “Sorry, sorry!” yelped a guilty voice in the shadows.

Fíli groaned, then chuckled, and settled for another chase kiss upon his lady’s hand. 

“Would you care to have dinner with my brother and I?” he asked her, nodding in the direction of the ruckus as Kíli struggled to straighten up the decorative suit of armor he had knocked over. “An unrepentant snoop he may be, but I can assure you he is otherwise harmless and actually quite pleasant company.”

“It sounds like a wonderful start to getting to know the rest of you,” she said, eyes bright from their shared laughter, free of even a speck of her earlier doubts. “Because I very much would like to know everything, Fíli. To discover and delight in every wonderful bit of you.”

“And you shall have that,” Fíli vowed, brushing his thumb over the curve of her cheek, over an ashy mark of the fireplace cinders that had brought her back to him. “You already do have me, but I shall also endeavor to give the whole world to make you happy.”

“You are already the whole world,” she declared, and rose on her toes to do what he could not, sealing their confessions with a sound kiss.

For more SotWK Fanfiction: Fanfiction Masterlist

Other useful links:

Introduction to SotWK

Headcanon Masterlist

[strqyr]

genuine question: do people want bad, inconsistent writing? is that it? because that's the only way "taiyang is and always has been a horrible father and yang had to raise ruby all on her own and she resent him for it" makes any damn sense.

like. where's the resentment?

where is yang, while happy that ruby is one step closer to achieving her lifelong dream, feeling just slightly frustrated that she's once again sharing a room with her sister, when going to beacon was supposed to be a place just for her for at least two years without having to watch after ruby and feel guilty over it?

where's the resentment when tai sent zwei to the girls to be taken care of while he's away on a mission, placing that responsibility on yang again? why show yang instead being flippant about the whole ordeal, and shrugging it off like it's nothing, being ready to leave zwei alone in the dorm room for the week they're away because he has the absurd amount of food and a can opener tai provided them?

where's yang bringing up how she had to apparently grow up early because tai wasn't there, when she wanted to be treated like an adult?

where's the resentment when yang was about to leave home under the assumption it was her keeping her father from going after ruby, only to find out he isn't coming with her, once again leaving the responsibility of taking care of ruby on her shoulders?

because the show i watched, it doesn't exist. to even remotely get to that point you'd have to ignore ruby talking about their dad in a way that makes it clear he was present and raising them, you'd have to ignore yang having to wait for him to be out of the house to leave herself once again proving he was present and attentive of them, you'd have to ignore ruby's first happy memory being from that same time period (and with no corresponding sad memory to counter it), you'd have to ignore him reading them bedtime stories and taking them out for boba after school, making sure he's spending time with them even when he's busy with work.

you'd have to ignore that both yang and ruby have a good relationship with their father.

that is not to say tai doesn't have his flaws—every damn character in this show does—, but that's exactly what V4 is about. the rift that existed between yang and taiyang was his refusal to talk about raven and doing his best to prevent her from looking for her. that's it. just compare the difference in tone between yang's "oh, so now we can talk about her?" and "i don't know. some things you just need to be there for." and it's clear as a day where the resentment actually lies.

therein lies the core of the arc between yang and tai, and like many issues between characters in this show, it gets resolved: for the first time ever, he properly talks with yang about raven, and when yang is about to leave, he doesn't try to stop her like he has before; instead, he asks her where she's going, and gives information that might help make her journey easier.

if they intended there to be any lingering resentment from yang, 'boba' was not the way to do it. we know what yang's resentment looks like: anger, snappiness, the like. it's not quiet, almost somber.

they could have written yang treating tai's absence in vacuo as something she has come to expect from him, but they didn't; instead, she wonders why, because she can't fathom what could be more important for their father than being there, in vacuo, with them.

and that alone comes as validation for everyone who has wondered the same: why is tai staying in patch when everyone else is on the move? this is a character we're first properly introduced to as a father who has fallen asleep by his daughter's bedside waiting for her to wake up, a father who is almost brought to tears by relief that both of his daughters are back home and safe.

a father we last saw being absolutely desperate for his daughter to come back on screen when ruby's message cut short.

and beyond brings a sledgehammer and says yes, it is odd that taiyang hasn't left home to be by his daughters' side. wonder why that is, must be something important, wink wink ;)

and if you ask me, that sounds like a pretty damn good "long con", and damn good writing.

[blackstarchanx3new]

FSR rambles wanna know what's funnier than 24? ...25

Huh so Vio's confusion from earlier makes a lot more sense.

Link was shutting them off from listening much again...

Nice going Link.

I'm sure this isn't causing massive communication issues or smth...

I think this just speaks to how LITTLE Link trusts Vio to sympathize with his mental health struggles that he just cuts him out of it all together.

Also the dialogue here for the middle panel:

Vio doesn't KNOW for a fact Blue was in on those conversations...but it's a fact he WAS thus him being there in the visual representation. Vio isn't actually aware of Blue being in on it.

I'm sure he's at the point of questioning that though...

I wouldn't say it's Blue and Green with trust issues Red, it's Link X'D

And he for sure DOES distrust you.

Furthering the point Link is broken thus the team is broken.

Shadow drops by cause the convo with Zelda is done (Jeez it's been awhile since I've looked at these pages lmao)

And Vio asks about his hair which...FINALLY SOMEONE SAID IT.

Answer a question with a question...nice one Shadow Link. 🙄

He's very sensitive about the ganon hair haha.

Which is why I think his questioning on if Vio LIKES IT is genuine even if it's there to steer the convo somewhere else.

Vio's too smart.

Though, Red weirdly wants vio to stfu about actually ASKING...Which uh...

I'd like to remind you of THIS PANEL where Link's purposely being obtuse about the Triforce on his own hand after their Triforce discussion.

Then we get to shitpost territory with Shadow burying the lead on Dark to talk about how he and Green had sex. Which just...

OKAY SHADOW X'D

Vio's response is...interesting.

I think this is where a lot of people might have realized this is a poly story lmfao.

Vio gives no fucks in fact he seems INTO IT despite him saying he "Doesn't care" sure buddy.

Vio and Shadow's "Relationship" is up in the air on what the hell it even IS at this point and Vio is butt at hiding the fact he loves Green soooo.

Works out for both that they like Green. XD

Red's over here losing his shit.

Shadow AGAIN brushes over Dark just calling him someone they need to be introduced to....Lmfao.

Vio's mention of looking for Blue is kinda sweet. He cares. Shadow on the other hand knows Dark's handling it so is fine with leaving poor blue 😭

And red.

lmfao. Bye Red.

Genuinely giving him ANYTHING to do early on was...DIFFICULT.

I have a story thread for him but BUILDING to that was...Not fun for his character X'D

So often he got shafted but I hope when he has his time to shine people enjoy it haha.

Sad boy hours.

Blue's back though!

...This is so random but I'm so glad I started doing colored text boxes I gotta THINK who's talking reading back on these X'DDDD

Green's so sweet giving Blue a lil hug.

Poor Green's frazzled out of his mind and Blue's just struggling to talk emotions.

They're a mess. X'D

This entire interaction is so funny to me.

"What did he DO...?" GREEN. WHAT DO YOU THINK!?

I think Blue's justified in being a LITTLE irked that this weird curse entity was sent to get him instead of one of his teammates X'D

but also: they had no idea where he ran off too lmfao. Dark Link's got a Link radar he can find him easy.

One of those things where there was no GOOD solution to this and Green did the best he could, but Blue's frustration imo is still very justified.

Poor Green trying to rationalize his choices and Blue's just like "Stfu"

And smacks Dark link X'D

Poor Dark.

"you look like a dumbass with a squid on his head" might be one of my favorite FSR blue lines.

Green's addition of "i feel like a dumbass" is so stupid XDDD

Green's beyond strung out just letting Dark sit on his head while him and Blue talk about wtf they're gonna do about this.

It's really fun looking back into this transition period where half the cast knew about Dark and the others didn't really.

I remember wanting to push past it quickly because I wanted to get to juicy territory and interactions.

...I love Dark hugging Green's hair. He's so cute.

it's worth mentioning AGAIN that Green and Blue have VERY DIFFRENT experiences with Dark with EACH OTHER but ESPECIALLY VIO.

Dark TORTURED that dude lmfao.

Vio met ALPHA BUILD DARK LINK LMFAO

Green chastising Dark for doing his typical shit with Blue lmfao.

HE TRIED GREEN HE REALLY DID.

"Blue is the color of difficult" will now proceed to live rent free in Blue's mind X'DDDD

I'm sure I've mentioned it but Dark Link struggles to speak properly in this form. (it's a form that doesn't require him much effort or energy to maintain thus...doesn't have a lot of "Features" lmfao.)

Blue pulls Dark off poor Green's head to give him head scratches.

I'd panic if I sat on Blue's bare thighs too Dark. Look at him go polite gentleman.

Blue's being HONEST with his FEELInGS.

What a treat.

Dark smacked some sense into him during that fight hah.

Poor Blue has anxiety about being Link now. Poor dude.

Blue just wants to get intros over and done with knowing stuff's gonna be hard. But uhhh....

Dark Link isn't a fan.

Lmfao.

Didn't have him turn back into his hylian form to sit in Blue's lap wym.

Poor Dark doesn't wanna do stuff with people rn. he's burnt out.

Which...FAIR.

Dude had a meltdown with Blue he's exhausted.

Green's genuine horror paired with "WHAT DID YOU DO!?" just reminds me of that scene from the Cuphead show where King Dice shouts the same thing X"DDD

Though: it's kinda sad that Dark was 100% right in being nervous/hesitant to meet the others...

Green's protective Blue that's his baby!

Obligatory Dark says smth fucking weird cause it's funny.

Green's willing to let Dark have a break while...Blue has a good point too.

Poor Green doesn't get the peace he wants. 😭

meanwhile Dark's just blatantly staring at Blue X'D And he's put off by it.

Blue...c'mere I got a secret-

HE LIKES YOU-

Being a dick won't push him away Blue. He's in love with VAATI you're a drop in the bucket in terms of rudeness.

it's been established: Dark doesn't know how to handle being PERSEIVED at the moment. Especially by the Links. He's still super shy.

Poor Dark, blue makes fun of his stutter. 😭

Green rightfully tells him off

Dark holding their hands is so sweet.

He's someone that holds his heart on his sleeve to his own detriment. Just wanting them to know he's happy to be with them and that the day is nice (presumably because he's with them.)

Blue's being a bit of a negative butt but concedes a bit when Green says he's happy too.

Him poofing back to being his "Squid" form on Green's face just personally is funny.

It's so silly and cements he has ZERO idea of personal space.

It's even worse for Green because Green's scared of tentacles. 😭 (wanna have that brought up at some point...but it's due to the vaati fight)

Lmfao. Red you're so annoying.

"ARE WE THERE YET!?"

Literally third wheeling the Vidow X'DD

Vio out here starting shit lmfao.

Shadow knows too.

LMFAO Vio trying to find solutions is uh...KINDA an issue now hah.

He's super out of the loop about the curse now so...ouch.

Vio's being a bit of a bitch boy about it because he's bitter.

Reasonably so but ooomf.

Vio my duuuude...pls c'mon man. Act mature. 😭

Vio casually tipping right over Blue's current anxieties about going back to that. Which...Blue has zero self control so NOW WE'RE DEEP IN SHIT LMFAO.

And Vio's response is FAIR.

Link cut him out so much he's missing a FUCK ton of context about how BAD it was for everyone.

NICE GOING LINK.

Blue's ALSO pretty justified in being PAST the point of WANTING to discuss things with Vio due to how dismissive he's been about their pain.

it's a self fulfilling cycle of bullshit they've trapped themselves in.

Blue really fucked up in mentioning that Link's basically NOT gonna happen anymore in saying "We're not compatible as a person"

Lmfao not red hiding behind the couch. Coward, Vio feels ALONE right now in wanting to return to being Link, and you're the only one VAGLEY on his side. And instead of trying to mediate or help he just leaves Vio to get more and more defensive as Blue yells at him till he runs away to Link's room.

Well damn.

Everyone's expressions after Vio throws his tantrum is...INTERESTING.

Green's HORRIFIED and he's glitching WAY more than before.

Blue's in shock. Probably at how CHILDISH that response was not expecting vio to blow up at him back.

Shadow's also equally horrified as Green.

Red...Red's weird.

Red just stares kind of unfazed. Mild surprise maybe.

"huh...weird" kind of face.

That's quickly brushed by though with Green starting to glitch WORSE.

Blue's concerned.

Green starts gooping. And not in the fun way.

Blue tries to console him and gets...Corrupted for a lack of a better term.

His arm corrupting into Green's.

Link's body contortions and glitching are real similar to this.

It's been shown a few times that their mental state affects their appearance, but NOW it can affect OTHERS appearances.

Green at this point has been pushed to stress and anxiety till he broke poor guy, he's been worried about everyone's safety and been trying to do what would help them and it just hasn't worked out.

Shadow's stuck not sure what to do. As a Shadow he was forced to do NOTHING while Link had moments like this.

Blue snaps him out of it taking charge.

I've always considered Blue second in command. ESPECIALLY in FSR.

He was the only other color Link trusted enough to confide in other than Green and able to pull his head out of his butt to help Green AND Vio in this situation.

Blue's VERY aware of WHY Green's panicking rn. (he's worried vio's going to harm himself in some way...not a stretch to make that assumption and it's brought up later but YEAH that's why he freaked out.)

Vio just needed to have a bitch fit in his room for a bit though and didn't mean to cause that fear.

If he knew I don't think he would have left quite in that way.

but again: Link kinda shot them in the foot leaving half the team aware of shit and the other half NOT.

Either way Shadow's got a job to do.

Lmfao

"Damn it link... you ass" makes me laugh. Blue's so terrible with words.

Turns out Blue mainly was on team "let's not be link!" BECAUSE he was worried about Green having too much shit on his shoulders.

HE WASN'T WRONG.

Some interesting thoughts there pal.

I've always wondered what kind of pressure Green must have felt to be LIKE Link and also be the leader.

Like that's double pressure there.

Being link but BETTER while only being a 1/4th of him sounds like such a task weighing his mentality down.

He's only assigned to that role because...well he's wearing GREEN. not really because of any other reason.

He's just as dumb as the other three.

I've always found it interesting, usually the leader type characters are the Vio's of the group.

Book smart and a bit stuck up.

but instead we get green and...I've joked he's diet Link but fr lol he KINDA IS.

What he lacks makes his personality more so than what he HAS.

His selfishness and ego getting removed making him IMEDIATELY want to work together for instance.

Anyway green analysis aside, Blue acknowledging he fucked up here is good.

The completely black background making you ONLY focus on these two talking was for good reason, Green's weird word bubbles too.

Reality feels like it's breaking around them and if this was voice acted I imagine Green's voice sounding distorted and disjointed here.

Like this is just his thoughts repeating to himself about what Link BEGGED him to do.

Both their glitching just getting worse as the paneling goes by.

Green's all sorts of fucked up. over leaving the other three because he was angry at them. So much guilt is harbored there now over that action.

Also I just wanna point out how brave Blue is.

Touching Green is PAINFUL for him, he yanked his hand back when he touched him initially. He also SAW the corruption it left behind and still chose to hug him here.

Like for all he knows they could become that Link monster thing again but he cares more about Green than that.

Blue's the goat.

Everyone telling Green stuff he's needed to hear.

Even Dark came out to help.

Dark's lines are super fun just because mmmmm it gets into Dark and Green's relationship and i like Darkgreen XD

Green did MASSIVELY change Dark's mission by appealing to his desire to be a hero and changing his mind.

Without Green the others would be SO COOKED.

Dark doesn't consider his mission a failure because he changed course a little and neither should Green.

They're very sweet for each other. QuQ

Not them slapping each other with pillows like children. 😭

Vio, Shadow, you both are too old for this shit.

I flip flop between finding this scene funny or disturbing.

I mean at the end of the day it's a couple smacking the shit out of each other due to their emotional issues. 😭 That's not healthy.

But also...the imagery is so silly looking and they're not actually HURTING each other.

Idk I feel like you could look at it either way.

Shadow mentions it here, but Green was worried about Vio's physical safety. Which....Vio doesn't get. Because Link wanting to game end himself has been NOT shared with him.

Vio's deep in his own insecurity atm.

This is a reference to what was said in the OG manga , that everyone was holding Vio back buuuut our purple buddy feels differently.

Especially with how he feels really bad rejection at the moment.

Vio wrongly assumes people don't want to be link because HE'S THERE. Which isn't true.

Shadow feels bad cause a lot of their issues are wrapped up in the whole Vidow arc of the manga lmfao.

Shadow feeling his OWN guilt over waking Link up which...Dark called it just sayin-

Also points out that Blue "is an ass" but yeah Blue could have worded himself better here. X'D

...We reached the image cap ouch. X'D

Continued vidow later on muahah.

[faithandfairies]

Just saw Nosferatu yesterday. It's exactly the vampire horror I wanted it to be.

I also see influences of it in Interview with the Vampire.

Next are all the Nosferatu spoilers as I talk about the movie.

SPOILER SPOILERS ALL THE SPOILERS

A couple of things I love about it are: 1. At no point is the vampire hot. Literally never. Which I think is excellent, because our brains tend to short-circuit whenever someone is hot and suddenly we act like they can't be evil. But he's a pervy rotting corpse straight out of the grave 100% of the time. Perfection.

2. It's not a love story, at least not between the vampire and the human. The human was able to wake the vampire from his death sleep and did so accidentally when she was sad and lonely because she was a seer of some sort, looking for companionship. She prayed but as they usually make the mistake of doing, they pray to any entity willing to listen when they're desperate enough. He offers her the bond, she accepts and he then fucks her "in spirit" to officially bind her to him. He then appears in her dreams every night to keep the bond from weakening. Then when she finds love and gets married he contacts the boss of the guy and gets the guy to travel to him and sign a deal that sells her to him. But the vampire still needs her to agree anew herself because she now made vows to someone else which weakened their bond. So he starts to kill strangers and then everyone she loves to isolate her and manipulate her into saying yes to the bond again. She ultimately only says yes because she doesn't want her idiot husband whom she loves (and who actually does love her) to become one of the vampire's kills.

3. He's regarded as a type of demon. One that can be summoned using a demonic summoning ritual. Which makes sense to me because to me, if vampires exist, they probably are a type of demon created by God or the devil himself. Or maybe humans. They're not the main event. But they are a second cousin.

4. "Come to me" made an appearance but it was the human who said it to the vampire.

5. It also offers some more insight into the vampire bond. Like the vampire speaks to the human in his mother tongue which she probably doesn't know, yet she understands him. They also had entire conversations while he was in his country and she was in hers. Based on what she said I got the impression he was also able to feel and see her without being near her. And you got the impression that she physically experienced each of his feedings and kills. He was also at her mercy in a way. His "loving" her and binding himself to her could become his undoing. His feeding also spread like an actual plague. It didn't just make people anemic, it seemed to make them actually sick beyond that. But I got the impression that he would be able to drink from her indefinitely, as in several times over, without making her sick because of the bond. He also drank from the chest when he wasn't trying to kill his victim. Which kind of made me think of Lestat and his obsession with Louis' heartbeat and kissing Louis' chest and Louis and Lestat giving the impression that they vampire bit down each other's chests when they fed on and fucked each other. I get that idea from the chest bites Louis left on the victim in the park in France that he thought was Lestat. Something we never saw them do with actual victims. A lot of this movie made me think of Louis and Lestat actually. The biggest difference honestly being that Louis and Lestat are both hot and the human in this one was in love with someone else and the vampire was NOT having it even more than Lestat was not having Louis ignoring him because he was gay panicking and then grieving. Other than that the vampire's manipulation and isolation of the human etcetera were pretty much the same (times 100 in the movie). As well as being at the human's mercy sometimes.

[rainybraindays]

I don't like making posts like this, I don't like opening my blog up for people to come and harrass me but oh my god, why does the fandom allow posts like this to get away unscathed?

You don’t have to like Marina. I'll never claim that. You can like or dislike whoever you want.

But I do wonder, if Marina was played by a white woman would we get nearly as many posts like this? Would everyone be as okay with it? Would we have been so quiet about the fact that Ruby Barker was harrassed for this role? Or would there be way more people defending her? Would she suddenly be sympathetic when now shes not?

Why are we all so okay with taking this character with a nuanced story, put in a horrible situation with almost no options and turning her into a villian?

Like did we watch the same show? Did you miss the bit where she doesn't want to find a husband at all and only starts when she thinks shes been abandoned, which she only believes because she gets a forged letter saying she was? Did you not see Portia slap her? Did you not also watch a man old enough to be her grandfather being forced on her?

Lying to Colin wasn't okay, I'm not defending that, but literally tell me what her options were?

The man she loves is dead, but she doesn't even know that she thinks he abandoned her, so she can't reasonably assume Phillip will take responsibility when his brother won't. The only people Portias interested in introducing to her are those she wouldn't introduce to her own daughters. She can't reasonably think Colin will be open to her as a wife since shes pregnant becausethats not the norm. But Colin is, he says he would have married her even knowing. And Colin also doesn't view Marina as a villian, in season two hes sad yeah, but he’s also guilty because he doesn't think she deserved what happened.

This is a nuanced messy situation but no one wants to look at that.

Like you all make it very clear you view her as a whore, because she did a very normal thing and had sex. You all view her as a manipulative snake of a person, when if she was even the Whistledown article wouldn't have been a stop for her because she would have tried to get out of it. You conveniently forget that she almost killed herself in an attempt to abort her children because of her mistreatment post Whistledown article because that takes away from the idea you've concocted that shes some villainous bitch.

But then you turn around and want Penelope to have sexual knowledge that she realistically wouldn't and canonically doesn’t. You praise her for her Whistledown work even though it keeps hurting people she loves and shes lying about doing it.

This is weird, posting about how you can't wait for a character to die, and how you hope the death is - lets be honest here- humiliating, is a bizarre thing to do.

Its even more bizarre to do that, tag the character, and then also tag two ships that really the post really isn't about.

Like why is Polin tagged? Because they're both mentioned? This isn't a polin moment. You don’t talk about them at all in the meat of the post. Why is Philoise tagged? Because she's an 'obstacle' for them? They haven't even met, they aren't mentioned at all, they have nothing to do with this.

And on top of tagging these things you say "don't try and defend her to me" which why would we you clearly wouldn't listen. You follow that with saying "If you like her you probably suck" and claim to have tagged this as anti marina when you didn't. You put this in her main tag and then added "death to marina".

Theres no respect to your peers in the fandom, and clear disrespect to people who do like this character and are actually willing to engage with the character beyond fanon portrayal. Because thats what this is its not even taking her at face value anymore.

You wonder why people dislike this fandom, specifically the polin side of it, and do things like this. We as a community need to improve because stuff like this isn't uncommon, this is just one of the most blatant I've seen.

I'm going to be entirely honest if you follow quotegirl19, or don't see the issues with Marinas portrayal and treatment by the fandom this is not the blog for you.

[zackpacklol]

Spoilers for Lacey's Flash Games by ghosttundra (watch the series if you haven't already!!!!!!)

I think most people in the Lacey Fandom don't see the wordless, but painful story that I do of Lacey, and I'm about to explain what that is.

This is all just speculation, a theory, more rather of what Lacey/Possibly Rocio had gone through during their traumatic childhood.

TW // MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM, DEATH, CORPSES, WORM INFESTED CORPSES AND OTHER GROSS STUFF ARE IN THIS POST, READ AT YOUR OWN DESCRIPTION

It's obvious by now that Lacey had a troubling childhood, like a really traumatic one. From being abused by her Uncle, having to look at that Uncle's dead body every time she got out of her bed, as well as dealing with a f'ed up stalker.

But what I want to focus on that most people don't seem to talk about is Lacey's Jobs as well as her deceased Skater friend, Jay.

Let's talk about Lacey's first working jump; Her Diner.

If we're looking at this from a realistic perspective, it's likely Lacey didn't actually own a Diner, but more rather worked at one as A waitress, later being promoted to a cook, or possibly having to do both since the place Lacey worked hadn't had many employees.

Quick Screenshot(s) give context clues that the various patrons at Lacey's workplace had driven her from sadness to extreme anger, with failing the first day at her work making her cut herself and call herself words like "useless", "stupid", "slow", etc. That spiralled into becoming SO angry that she made a meal so disturbed that caused the entire workplace to be shutdown, causing her to lose her only way of making income.

Eventually, Lacey finds a new Job as a Petshop worker. I don't have much insight on this one other than Lacey that eventually quit due to the over-demanding and borderline abusive owners that asked for the most screwed things to do to their animals.

Now sometime during the portion when Lacey was out of a Job again, Jay, one of Lacey's adventurous tomboy friends that she only had left, tragically passed in a very unfortunate skating accident. Although incredibly mad that the universe that it continued to move even after Jay was gone, Lacey eventually found a new job for herself to get (or at least try) to get her life back on track. What was the job, you may ask?

A makeup parlor! A Morgue.

Working in a Morgue as a Mortuary Cosmetologist.

Maybe Lacey had dreamed of working with Make-up in anyway she could, maybe working with the morgue's makeup was a coping mechanism of trying to move from Jay's demise.

Either way, Lacey worked at the morgue, despite the occasional worms that infested the bodies, or even that some corpses would occasionally stare back at her with their dead eyes. All of that was all for now until...

Jay was a client corpse.

I could only imagine the absolute dread that Lacey felt, having to see your Friend diseased & mangled corpse beyond the point of recognition, as well as having to attempt to apply makeup to your deceased friend's corpse while you can feel your own tears destroy your pretty eyeliner.

While it's unknown whether or not Lacey got fired from the morgue due to having a mental breakdown in the middle of the work day, we'll have to see what "Lacey Game" is next to find out.

Thanks for reading. Feel very free to ask any questions you have about this theory/speculation in the comments.

[singlecrow]

notes on watching Goodbye Farewell Amen for the first time since 2003, by singlecrow aged whatever. there’s also some stuff here I’ve put elsewhere, sorry you’re having it twice if you are.

Anyway it’s really GOOD, like, I know, other people have observed that in the last 50 years but it IS. Funny, sad, clever, textured, and also a really good episode of MASH? It has the things that one ought to have, like people talking over each other and tanks being driven into things and latrines and shouting. And in places it’s beautiful and eerie: everything about the bus journey is impeccable; and the shots of the bus coming in from the hills with the light coming through the glass were really something.

And then there’s Hawkeye. Oh god. you can’t do this, though, if you’re not this show. Eleven years, telling us right at the start in a funny voice and in the middle in a dead serious voice and then then quite often in a funny voice again, Hawkeye is… not very well. He’s fine. He lives in a war zone and is surprisingly fine. But Hawkeye has that immeasurable fragility, and it’s there, and you know it’s there because we’ve told you so, and it’s the kind of fragility that comes with being often-manic, very depressed, empathetic to the point of unreason. Crucially: it’s a sitcom. Hawkeye has entire episodes of him playing poker, sending telegrams to President Truman, kissing Margaret, and ordering spare ribs from Chicago and winning a tank in a bet. And a bunch of other stuff. It’s very funny.

But still. But still and all, for all it’s very funny. This episode needs less than a minute of set-up - an outdoor shot of somewhere that isn’t the usual place, and then Hawkeye sitting on the floor in a dark room, looking at Sidney, and you know. You always knew. This is it, for Hawkeye; this is where all roads have led.

(In 2003, I don’t think I knew to notice the camera lingering, as it does several times, on the locked door.)

Hawkeye is what I’ve carried with me all my life. Probably bipolar, always sleepless. I was fourteen and it was 2001 the first time I picked out Sidney’s line, elsewhere in the show’s timeline: “Actually, Hawkeye, I think you’re the sanest person I’ve ever known”. Hawkeye believed it and I chose to believe it too.

So does it undercut that, that my talisman of sanity ends up on the floor in the institution? No. Because Hawkeye gets up off the floor again. He is always fragile; he’s always hurt. And I actually really enjoy that, in its way. Hawkeye crying or screaming (or laughing) is always unpretty, because it’s like how real people do those things; and here, Sidney gets Hawkeye out of the institution but he’s still lost. He would be. He’s still manic if not psychotic, and desperately sad. (Sidebar: this - this! - is when he gets his most Exceptionally Bisexual line in the entire series, presumably because this is also his most Exceptional Disaster.) He cheers up a bit at the prospect of the wedding, because he does love a wedding.

So, fragile, yes. But I do believe that Hawkeye went home and picked up the threads of his life, and maybe he began like someone else did, hurt beyond the capacity of homeland to heal. There’s the crucial crack in Hawkeye’s nature; where you find the story. Is Hawkeye like Frodo Baggins, to diminish and go into the West, or not?

And the thing is, I think they’re an apt comparison. They have, remarkably, a similar cultural weight; enough of an exerted pressure on the fabric of the Western twentieth century. The wars that Frodo and Hawkeye came home from were all of eight years apart. And you step within the narrative and they’re both… some guy. Someone who had to do a thing they didn’t want to do, that needed to be done although it wasn’t their fault and nothing to do with them. Frodo goes home, and the Shire has been saved, but not for him. He can’t stay. He never finds himself again.

But I believe that Hawkeye will. He doesn’t end this episode still institutionalised, or even still frighteningly mentally ill; he ends up exhausted and sad and damaged and on his way home. And it’s like this show to leave this as a question that may or may not have an answer: can Hawkeye shatter that archetype, be not broken but more gold than cracks? He goes back to his own job, though it’s hard. He tells people he loves them. He says goodbye to Sidney with a quiet word of thanks. And when the time comes, he says goodbye to the others and goes. It is an open question: but this is MASH, which answers all such questions with love, and affection, and courage and care. Small things matter in dark places. Hawkeye’s great tragedy is that he’s the main character - a remarkable man but an ordinary one, a small-town doctor who doesn’t want to be in this terrible place - and the show necessarily makes an example of him. Here’s what happens to ordinary, good people, who did their best and didn’t deserve it. But then, if ordinary, then ordinary recovery, with love and care and time, and ordinary life.

[doll-elvis]

I’ve seen these photos of Priscilla on Pinterest and she looks so upset, do you know if there’s any back story behind these photos

hello and thank you very much for sending in this ask ꨄ︎!!

I’ve always been too distracted by that absolute unit of strawberry-blonde hair on Priscilla’s head to notice her expression but after closer observation I think you’re completely right in your assessment of her mood- sis was looking like she would rather be anywhere else 😭

after a quick google search and finding out that these photos were taken in April (sometime after the 23rd) of 1966, her expression started to make all the more sense

and not only is the date important for the context of these photos, but that unit of hair could also be very important

just a quick disclaimer: since Priscilla herself hasn’t spoken on these photos anything I say below is merely my own speculation as to why she may have looked upset on that day

To begin, according to Peter Guralnick's "Careless Love”, Elvis had just finished filming for his 22nd picture Spinout, in California, when he returned to Memphis with Priscilla on April 23rd. And so by knowing that they were photographed together in the meditation garden sometime in April, it’s safe to assume it was likely after the 23rd as they were in California for the weeks before

The film Spinout is relevant in this as 1. His costar was Shelley Fabares who he had a crush on 2. One of Elvis’ and Priscilla’s biggest arguments occurred during the filming of Spinout while they were in California and the cause of their argument was reason number one… Shelley Fabares

Both the Memphis Mafia and Shelley herself have confirmed that the relationship never went beyond anything platonic as she was faithful to her partner but nonetheless Elvis and her spent a lot of time together and formed a close bond

Naturally, Priscilla became suspicious that an affair was taking place and so she expressed to Elvis that she wanted to meet Shelley which then led to the first time that he had ever threatened get rid of her ⬇️

(read from left to right + click photos to see full text)

excerpt is from “Elvis and Me” by Priscilla Presley

(I believe this argument will appear in the upcoming film as Jacob Elordi says the line “I don’t have a goddamn thing to hide” in the recently released trailer)

No exact day was given for when this argument took place, it could have been the first week of filming or it could have been the last, but I would imagine having Elvis tell you to get all your things and leave would cause a lasting sort of sadness and have you questioning just how important you were to him even after going back to Memphis/Graceland

And this kind of thing actually happened a few times while they were together. Sonny West once said that Elvis’ greatest defense was offense meaning that if you were to approach him about something i.e Priscilla approaching him about his infidelities, Elvis’ response would be to turn the tables and put the pressure on you i.e telling Priscilla that he wanted her gone ⬇️

excerpt is from “Elvis: What Happened?” By Sonny and Red West, along with Dave Hebler

Another instance ⬇️

excerpt is from “Elvis and the Memphis Mafia” by Alanna Nash

Tbh as much as I love Elvis this is why I do hold a lot of sympathy for the friends and women in his life (even the ones I don’t personally like) because he tended to give ultimatums as a way to get what he wanted

“If you don’t like this, then leave… if you don’t want to do this, then leave…” and he did that because he knew most people would choose to stay

Now, the significance of that unit of strawberry blonde hair is purely speculative, but I'm wondering whether Priscilla started dyeing her hair that color to resemble Ann Margret as Elvis was quite melancholic over the fact that Ann and her boyfriend Roger Smith were spending so much time together during that time, infact, they were engaged just 2 months later in June of 1966

The affair between Ann Margret and Elvis lasted only a year after they met while filming Viva Las Vegas, so it doesn't make much sense that Priscilla would start dying her hair strawberry-blonde 3 years later (although she did try to emulate Ann in 1963) but it could be possible, and knowing that Elvis was still thinking about Ann Margret in April of 1966 would definitely be enough to make her upset at the time

What do y���all think?