#I felt like it was more important to inform people right now of what happened with screenshots than make yet another essay abt how this suc
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A number of people have responded to this post with something similar to this and I think this post is getting misunderstood as me arguing that I think Cassian should know about all of the things Bail has done, and it's not. That's not what I'm saying.
I'm bringing up all of these things Bail has done because it felt to me less like this is a moment where we're supposed to just see Cassian as wrong or biased, and more of a moment where the narrative VERY GENUINELY wants you to agree with Cassian that the only reason any of them are even here right now as a rebellion is because of Luthen.
For one, Cassian's sole reasoning behind why he believes the information is because "Luthen died for it" and that faith (as well as Kleya's) is ultimately what helps sway Vel into convincing Mon Mothma to believe it and stand up to Bail about it. It's BAIL who has to sit there being wrong and just be the "man Cassian doesn't like."
For two, this entire arc really focuses in on Luthen's legacy and influence, so it doesn't make a lot of sense for the ultimate message at the end to be that Cassian's just biased and wrong about Luthen's impact on the rebellion.
For three, Gilroy apparently has said in an interview that he sees Luthen and Mon Mothma as the true founders of the rebellion in his version of the story.
For four, they decided to have Bail's team be compromised in the episode with Mon's big speech so that Luthen can step in with his better knowledge and agents to ACTUALLY save her but then the "Gold Squadron" (who are also part of Bail's group) insist that they have to step in and deliver Mon Mothma to Yavin, leaving Luthen and Cassian's work essentially unrecognized. While this fits in quite nicely with the themes of Rogue One and the ways that so many people often end up unremembered by history no matter how important they are, it is also worth bringing up in this case because it's another instance of "Bail's way fails, and Luthen's succeeds because he's just better at it."
For five, Cassian wouldn't know about all of the little things Bail has done, but Rebels has made it fairly clear that Bail DOES take part in some of the recruitment work and meetings within his own rebel cells. It seems INCREDIBLY unlikely that Cassian is unaware of just how long Bail has been doing this and how much of what's here is a direct result of Bail's work for the last 19 years bringing it all together. He doesn't have the DETAILS, sure, but he's been in Bail's rebellion for two years now, you cannot convince me that he doesn't know ANYTHING about Bail's involvement in it and the fact that he literally founded it.
I would mind this a lot less if it felt like we as the audience were supposed to understand that Cassian is just being emotional and kind-of biased because a mentor of his just died, but that doesn't feel like the way it was being presented to us. You CAN interpret it that way, but that doesn't necessarily mean that's the way it was intended to be understood.
So the reason it felt important to me to bring up the fact that Bail has absolutely been established as being there from DAY FUCKING ONE with the things he did to help the Jedi and what he did for Leia isn't to say that Cassian should KNOW these things, but to point out that the narrative in Andor seems to be acting like those things don't count or is just ignoring them to favor Luthen and Mon because Gilroy prefers them. But they DID happen and they DO count and Bail Organa is just as much if not more responsible for that rebellion's existence than Luthen Rael. I LIKE Luthen, I think he's a fascinating and complex character, and I am perfectly happy to give him his roses for what he HAS done, but what I won't do is devalue or dismiss Bail Organa's contributions to lift up Luthen as the true founder of the rebellion.
It seems a little hilarious to me that they have Cassian making the argument that the only reason any of them are here, the only reason the REBELLION exists at all, is because of Luthen... and he's saying it to BAIL FUCKING ORGANA.
I'm sorry, but while I am happy to accept that Luthen did do a LOT of things to keep the rebellion alive and likely recruited quite a few of the people on Yavin to this cause himself and trained them up, there are just as many if not more who are there explicitly because of BAIL ORGANA.
Bail Organa who began fighting the Empire the moment he showed up at the Jedi Temple the night of Order 66 and turned around to save any Jedi he could and then became a GETAWAY DRIVER as Yoda went to assassinate the Emperor and then proceeded to agree to take in Anakin Skywalker's child in order to hide her from the Empire.
Bail Organa who has literally been shown helping recruit the entire Ghost Crew and likely brought on the entire Phoenix Squadon and theoretically the entire Gold Squadron. Bail Organa who was the one who helped Riyo Chuchi try to fight for clone rights. Bail Organa who saw Ahsoka Tano on Naboo for Padme's funeral and immediately turns around to offer her a chance to join the rebellion which she does eventually choose to take. Bail Organa who eventually does allow his own DAUGHTER to join the rebellion and run missions when she's old enough.
You cannot convince me that somehow Luthen Rael is MORE responsible for the creation of the rebellion and its existence and people's involvement in it than Bail Organa. You can't.
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So... Mike's response to concerns about the lack of diversity in Bendy was basically 'Well clearly in this photo we did not create or make [from my understanding it's taken from a documentary and edited] Norman is white so really you're the morons here. Of course, he's white fuck you for thinking otherwise.'
It's a bad time to be a Bendy fan this is genuinely so low and such a mean-spirited way to treat your fans.
I genuinely need a moment to recover from this. Mike said the books aren't canon as a way to dismiss concerns about their designs but now here he is clearly implying Norman is white in canon too so why did any of this matter?
I need to like... Lay down. This is so tiring and genuinely, just hurtful. I feel bad for the poc in this fandom right now, I hope everyone who reads this is okay, and genuinely if u need to, take a moment to step away from this and just breathe.
#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#ramblez#sorry I dont have more to say I really do but I need to save it for later#I felt like it was more important to inform people right now of what happened with screenshots than make yet another essay abt how this suc#esp since Im now im really tired and simply dont want to write anything about canon bendy#I hope mike shuts his fucking mouth soon so I dont have to keep reporting on it bc dear god its exhausting
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honestly I’m still not over the HOO Cupid scene
#lemon man talks#🌻 | fictionkin stuff#I read HOO for the first time when I was like#10 or something#I have a very vague memory of my entire childhood and terrible notion of time so idk#It’s the trauma#but#when I read that scene something happened inside me#That scene was unironically so important for the development of whatever my identity is now#I was a kid with not much access to information because my parents are very controlling and conservative#Obviously they didn’t know there’s queer characters in the riordanverse and I got my books from my cousin#Otherwise they wouldn’t NOT have let me read those#So yeah. That scene made me realize I could be different#That scene was like an “oh. I don’t have to be like this. There’s other options.” Moment#It’s the moment I realized what that something inside me that I couldn’t name was#And that there are other people like that too#It took me a few more years to actually understand I’m queer and I’m still in the process of fully figuring out my identity#But that scene was such an important thing for kid me#And guess what. I’m Nico kin#Yeah i didn’t know being fictionkin was a Possibility until like last year but I’ve always felt really connected to Nico and now I know why#And I’ve been outed and put in danger by it in this world too quite a few times so I’m familiar with the gut wrenching feeling it causes#The feeling that the right to say it yourself was taken from you#Not being ready to say it but the truth is put out there nonetheless#It’s! Scary as fuck!!!!#And well having a fucking god force me to come out to a guy I barely knew while attacking us was not so fun idk#I just think everyone moved on from that way too quick#I know that by the time trials of Apollo starts I’m already dating Will (I miss him…) but it’s not like that erases. The Cupid scene#Even if it’s not nearly as traumatizing or life threatening as everything else everyone went through it was still awful#And I hate that anything like that had to happen for me to confront my identity#And I hate that my mom and Bianca weren’t there and that they’ll never know
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𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞 - 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝 𝐱 𝐛𝐚𝐮!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬 you were in an accident and both you and spencer are figuring out how to deal with it.
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 angst, typical criminal minds content, reader gets beat up, physical violence, descriptions of physical injury’s, lots of freaking out, mild panic attack, angst + comfort, established relationship
𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 2.5k
𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 this fic is inspired entirely on billie’s eilish’s the 30th. haven’t been posting but i’ve got a lot of almost finished drafts and requests im getting through atm
𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | 𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

Sometimes, Spencer hated his limitless memory.
Because of course, it worked wonders when he had to remember important dates, or endless facts that came remarkably handy in cases. Things no one else even considers remembering. Amazing for remembering favorite things of his favorite people, or remembering things they’d previously mentioned liking.
It was amazing until it found ways to haunt him.
He remembered when Morgan pulled to a stop, glancing up at the red light in front of him. He remembered when Penelope typed away aimlessly in the back of the car, reading out a few connections she found between this particular Unsub and the third and hopefully last victim. Everything was fine.
They almost had the case figured out. Hotch had called in, (exactly twenty-three minutes ago) informing them that that you and Emily had a lead on the whereabouts of the Unsub.
He remembered the tone in Morgan’s voice when he picked up the phone. “What?”
Both him and Penelope had glanced his way absentmindedly, not really thinking much of it.
“Do they know who yet?” He had asked, taking a sudden sharp turn towards the left. The pair watched as Morgan’s face fell, and his grip on the steering wheel had tightened. He remembered the look on Penelope’s face as she quickly glanced over at him, who probably looked equally as worried, if not more. Something hadn’t been sitting right, at all— he remembered from the second the day had started something inside him was telling him that.
“What’s going on?” Penelope's voice was shaky when she set her computer down to the side. Spencer just kept his eyes on Derek, narrowing them slightly at the subtle gulp in his throat and the way he nervously looked over at him. Not Penelope, him.
“Derek—“
He remembered when he told him that you had been hurt and how he was unable to think of anything else.
He looked forward towards the road, avoiding the way his co-worker and friend sat up in his seat, straining against his seatbelt as his chest turned to face him. “I don’t know exactly what happened, Hotch just told me she was ambushed and they’re now waiting on the ambulance.”
“Ambulance?” He could’ve sworn his heart dropped into the very pits of his stomach.
Penelope covered her mouth, tears already boring into them with a soft gasp that came from her mouth. “Is she okay?”
Derek’s mouth twisted into a straight line as he opened his mouth to speak and Spencer swore he had never felt as much panic course through him.
He didn’t usually freak out, but he swore his head just stopped working right there and then. All he was able to think about was getting to you. “They don’t know—“
“Drive.” Spencer told Derek. With a firm nod and no room for complaint, he stepped on the gas pedal, signaling on the sirens as he swerved through the streets.
Six minutes and thirty five point two seconds.
That's how long it took for them to get to the scene, where two ambulances and cop cars seemed displayed around the small suburban home. He felt time move as if it were in slow motion.
The car hadn’t even come to a stop and Spencer was already stumbling throughout the door, pushing his shaky legs towards the already chaotic scene.
Unbearable noises surrounded him— people clattering and shouting about, orders being thrown around aimlessly, sirens and bypassers stopping to gasp and gaunt at the scene.
Two officers were down on the floor, covered by a simple thin white cloth and he felt the nausea settle in. Just the thought of one of them being you made his knees grow weak and the bile quickly hike its way up his throat.
Before he could rush around in attempts to find you, his eyes landed on Hotch, hunched over a moving stretcher surrounded by about three, maybe even more, medics.
It all seemed visceral. An automatic response. Soon enough his legs were pushing him towards the stretcher that made its way towards the ambulance. “Hotch—“
He turned around, and allowed just enough space to reveal your absolutely destroyed form. Your eyes kept fluttering open and close, seemingly bothered by all the noise and light. Your breathing sounded strangled, covered by the oxygen mask you had on but the sound alone was something Spencer was sure would haunt him until the day he died.
He still remembered.
Spencer felt like he had been punched in the stomach. All he could do was push one of the medics aside and hunch over you as you fought against the universe itself to regain consciousness.
“Hey,” He cooed, voice tightening and nearly breaking in a cry. He cleared his throat and blinked through his tears, smiling down at you.
You couldn’t say a single word, but you mustered enough strength to lift your pinky, grazing it against his knuckles. Your face showed a much different reaction though, furrowing your brows in what seemed to be excruciating pain.
“She’s mostly unresponsive,” The medics informed. Spencer followed them alongside Hotch, until they got to the ambulance, clicking the stretcher upwards.
“Hey, listen to me,” He whispered, ducking down so he was closer to you. “I love you, okay?”
Your small fist grabbed the fabric of his shirt, not wanting him to leave your side, but it was hurting you too much to hold on. Your fist feebly fell and the medics somehow pushed him off and you were taken into the ambulance and he really didn’t know if that was the last time he’d see you.
He watched the doors slam shut, frozen completely in his place. He remembered watching the ambulance drive away and having to stop his legs from running after it. He remembered Hotch trying to grab his attention from the disappearing ambulance.
He remembered thinking non-stop but for the first time ever, wanting to stop it and not being able to.
Something so alarming started to awaken within him and he wasn’t really sure what to do with himself.
He spent thirteen hours and sixteen minutes in the hospital that night and next morning. Hotch and the others came by in turns to keep him company in the cold empty waiting room, but he didn’t budge.
The second to stay the most was Emily, given how she was also attacked at the scene but much less severely. She ended up with a few bruises and scratches— she silently wished it had been more.
Maybe then the damage on you would’ve been less.
He remembered sitting with Morgan and the others when the doctors came in, informing him that you had gone into hypovolemic shock and they needed to perform an emergency surgery to stop the internal bleeding that was causing your vitals to plummet.
Spencer even remembered, word by word and syllable by syllable that there was a high chance that you may not even wake up from the surgery due to how much trauma your body had received.
Three broken ribs, dozens, maybe hundreds, lacerations scattered across your arms and stomach, a ruptured spleen and a concussion. That wasn’t even including all the bits of physiological trauma you now had to attack once— and if— you woke up.
Spencer seriously felt his resolve to remain calm crumple the second the medics mentioned that the Unsub used a metal pole to beat you nearly to death.
He had asked for every detail and he remembered each one and how utterly hopeless they all made him feel. He cried, because he simply didn’t know what to do with himself. He didn’t know how to fix it, or how to help— he wasn’t even sure he could.
Because what if he had been there instead of Emily? What if he was able to stop it? What if more backup was sent in, what if when you had told him you felt off this morning when going into work he’d tell you to stay put and rest it off? What would’ve happened then?
What if he would’ve gone with Emily instead of you, what if you were actually lifeless when they had found you? What if you didn’t wake up? What if this meant he’d never get to hold you for a last time, and had to stick with the memory of seeing you bloody and bruised. What if you never actually—
“Reid,” Spencer looked up from his palms, which holstered themselves on his knees by his elbows. Emily smiled at him meekly. “She’s awake,”
Spencer looked around, blinking heavily and realizing he was in the same cold hospital waiting room he’s been in for the past day and a half.
He opened his mouth to speak, but realized it was incredibly dry. Too dry. He cleared out his throat with a firm cough and nodded, standing up feebly.
They walked down the quiet hallway, something so heavy hanging in the air. Just the patterning of his shoes and Emily’s heels bouncing off the walls along with the shuffling of their clothes. Spencer swore he wouldn’t be okay until he saw you but even then he didn’t think he’d be okay. How was any of this going to be okay?
Emily led him to a door and when they pushed it open, you were staring at the wall, seemingly in some kind of deep whirlwind of thoughts. A small knock offered by Emily caught your attention. You turned your head to the side, probably expecting another endless round of nurses. But to your surprise, there stood the one person you’d been wanting to see after this whole ordeal.
A broad yet tired smile made its way onto your face while laying back into the pillows. Spencer took you in, letting out a shaky breath. Your hair was disheveled, and your eyes looked tired. Soft and welcoming but hiding something so much deeper underneath that he’d have to be an idiot to not notice it.
There was a stitch on your forehead and the lash line of one of your eyes protruded a growing dark purple bruise. There were machines and cables and needles stuck beside and into you. And the more Spencer noticed, the more he wished he hadn’t.
“Hey,” Your voice was raspier than usual, small and steady, Spencer noticed this.
But then you smiled just like you used to before the accident and he couldn’t have found you any more beautiful.
“Hey,” He finally answered, walking up to the side of your bed. “How— How are you feeling?”
“I’ll give you guys some privacy.” Emily said, slipping past the door and leaving the two of you to your own accord.
“I’m okay,” You whispered, sounding so small and frail it nearly broke any ounce of self control he was mustering to avoid breaking into tears. “The pain meds are helping a bit,”
He gave you a silent understanding nod. His hand held onto the railing of your bed, not entirely knowing what to say or how to act. You watched him intently, noticing how he couldn’t really bring himself to look at you.
“Do you remember anything?” You turned to stare at the wall, trying to recall anything about the attack, but you unfortunately— some would argue fortunately— didn’t.
You shifted in your bed, scrunching your face in pain in the process, which Spencer noticed. Again. Of course he did.
Spencer looked down at you, dangerously entering territory where the back of his eyes burned, and his own mind bit at him, and he just didn’t know what to do with all the huge feelings that swarmed around inside him.
“Not really,” You muttered, scrunching your nose with a small huff. Spencer reached over, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear and letting his hand cup the side of your cheek.
“You really scared me,” You leaned into the touch of his palm.
“I’m sorry,” He shook his head before he even spoke, blinking rapidly to prevent any tears from falling.
“I’m just glad you’re okay.”
“I almost died,”
Okay, they were starting there. Great.
You had said it in barely above a whisper, staring at your lap and preventing Spencer from getting a look in your eyes. Your lips tugged into a frown. And Spencer said your name, trying to catch your attention.
Suddenly it all hit you. The gravity of it all. It came in stronger than a tidal wave, than a slap you didn’t even see coming. You felt the burning in your ribs, the rips and tears in your skin, the slight swell of your eye, the rattling of your own skull.
Spencer pulled out a chair and sat on it to level himself to your height. He reached out a hand and laced his fingers with yours.
It felt hard to breathe.
More silence.
“You okay?” You sucked in a sharp breath that came out as a little squeak, and suddenly you wanted to cry. Because you were tired of feeling so broken and feeling how every inch of your body hurt.
You shook your head and as soon as you did, a broken sob left your mouth. Your hands flew up quickly, attempting to hide the broken fragments of your gaze. Spencer heard every shard of the glass his heart had been made of around you shatter. He sat up, attempting to hold you from the side in any way he could, letting you cry out all the trauma you received in the past two days.
And you did cry it out, and your ribs burned, your head was pounding and you felt every ache and bruise in your body worsen. Seeing you like this hurt him more than any pain that had ever been inflicted on him.
Spencer pulled away from you once you had calmed down enough and brought one hand to the side of your face, leisurely dragging his thumb against your cheek bone and anywhere any stray tears fell.
“Dang it,” You sniffled, bringing the back of your palm up and rubbing your nose. “This is not how I wanted you to see me after my mini coma,”
Spencer knew you couldn’t keep serious for more than fifteen minutes at a time even if your life depended on it. He’d let you stall the situation this time however. He knows the two of you needed it.
“You look so pretty,” You smiled at his words, looking at him with so much gratitude and leaning into his palm, trying to find refuge in it.
“I bet I do,” You narrowed your eyes at him and he leaned forward pressing a kiss to your lips. You grabbed the wrist of the hand that held your face while he kissed you and gave it a small squeeze, hopefully letting him know how much you cared and appreciated him.
He pulled away, sitting back into the chair but intertwining his fingers with yours, reminding himself to always drag his fingers comfortingly across your knuckles and allow you to know he wasn’t ever leaving your side again.
“They had to change my IV needle,” You decided to stall for a bit. “The vein on my right arm wasn’t doing the job.”
“Really?” He knew that wasn’t entirely possible and that the doctors probably did an ass job at inserting it there in the first place, but he let you wonder on. “How’d that feel?”
“Im afraid of needles, but!-“ You shuffled a little bit around on your pillow for more comfort, huffing proudly. “I squeezed my eyes and tried thinking back on that book that talks about marxist criticism you read to me last week,”
He smiled warmly, bringing your hand over to him and kissing your wrist. “My brave girl,”
You let out a laugh, and he knew then he’d sleep a little better that night. He always did when you were by him.
“Hey Spence,”
“Yeah?”
“Can you stay?” You asked earnestly.
Spencer squeezed your hand. “Your pain meds are hitting you stronger than you thought if you think for a second that i’m leaving your side,”
You smiled. “I’m not going anywhere angel, I promise.”
The two of you basked in each other's silence. You closed your eyes and tried to alleviate the burning in your lungs as your breath shaked from the crying. Spencer just watched you, appreciating a while longer the small freckles and marks across your face.
“Spence,” He hummed, “I’m scared.”
He sighed heavily. Suddenly realizing that this wasn’t something easy to come. And he was too, because he almost lost the love of his life and he didn’t know what that information would do to him, much less to you.
For the first time, Spencer was out of smart answers and reasons why this would all be okay. It was hard for him to think he’d never feel this scared of loosing you again, and that idea haunted him.
“So am I,”

#fanfic#fic rec#fiction#criminal minds#spencer reid#spencer#spencer x reader#spencer x you#criminal minds fic#criminal minds x reader#criminal minds fluff#criminal minds series#spencer reid fandom#spencer reid headcanon#spencer reid x fem!reader fluff#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x self insert#spencer reid x fem!reader smut#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x fanfiction#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid angst#spencer reid smut#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid fanfiction#dr spencer reid#spencer reid x fem!readr#criminal minds angst#criminal minds x you
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Hi Devon. I’m autistic and I //can’t// deal with injustice it really drives me mad. Even little everyday things. How do you cope with that?
This is going to sound a bit like an older person jadedly lecturing a younger person, so forgive me for however useless this is. But for me, the qualitative experience of learning to cope with injustice is that I have come to expect it through experience and pattern-recognition, and I have been able to contextualize it by developing an understanding of how the world works that leads me to predict that it will happen (and how it will).
Part of what used to keep me locked up and warring constantly with injustice was the false belief that I somehow had the power to prevent it from happening -- if I only used the correct persuasive words, advocated doggedly enough, found the right authority to make an impassioned appeal to, and never relented, I guess I felt that I might be able to make things stop.
Now I understand on an emotional level as well as an intellectual one how much larger these problems are than me, and I don't expect myself to remedy them through force of will or dedication. (A great deal of my book Unlearning Shame is about this, really).
I am far better now at choosing my battles, and more shrewd about how I wage the ones I do fight. I can mentally detach from a lot of issues that feel not strategically sound in resisting, even while mourning the unnecessary-seeming losses that so often come with them. It's possible for this kind of outlook to lead a person into complacency, I can already hear critics saying, but I think ultimately I have become a far more effective and reliable "change agent" (to the degree it's possible for a single human being to be) now that I have this understanding of the world.
Simply put, it is not enough to know what is right, or even to care about it. You have to understand strategy and power. You can't just feel the right feelings. You have to take actions that will matter.
I am also blessed and cursed with an extremely strong self-preservation instinct that predominates any instinct I might have to do the "right" thing simply for the right thing's sake. I don't believe in morality, really, or that I or anyone else must redeem themselves, I am mistrustful of virtually all ideologies (including my own, which have often changed over time), and I try not to act out the emotional urgency of a moment and rather sit back, observe, and plan my attack.
Frankly, a great many injustices in my life have been remedied by simply waiting for the opportune moment, or allowing the people preying upon me to fuck up their lives on their own. That has also taught me the benefit of patience. (Though I am, constitutionally, a really impatient person!)
A lot of my approach reflects my own personal character quirks and outlook as an empathy-less "evil Autistic" of sorts, and it may not suit your way of being in the world at all. But I do think we all can develop better skills in coping with the feelings that this stuff brings out in us with time and practice.
I often remind my highly justice-minded friends to ask themselves whether they want to be right or to win -- and in some cases, you can substitute "winning" with surviving. A lot of the important resistances against injustice that take place happen in the dark corners, unseen by the powers that be, even while unjust systems continue to operate. Think of yourself as a weed or a spore growing within the cracks rather than a lone solider standing up against Goliath.
I think it's also really important to control your exposure to upsetting information. A lot of people whip themselves up into a traumatized frenzy consuming rage porn online all day. You have to sort out what form and degree of information consumption empowers you rather than freezes you. And do not let anybody infect you with their own sense of doom by telling you that you have some obligation to be upset all of the time, that you aren't upsetting yourself enough because you don't care or you're too privileged or whatever. A bunch of people filling themselves with despair does nothing. The universe does not care how much you self-immolate.
And sometimes all you can do is just rant and bitch to a friend about the things you cannot change. Complaining is a fantastic bonding activity, it's a holy activity. It is one of the least damaging acts of rebellion against existence itself. It sure beats killing yourself or drinking yourself into illness. Accept the world as it is, and work with it strategically, please, but never deny yourself the pleasure of bitching about having to do it. As my beloved @animesickos podcast says, Complaining Kicks Ass.
Life fucking sucks. A lot of horrible things will happen to you and the people you love -- nonsensical things, irrational things, spitefully hateful things. You learn with time to expect it. And to feel capable of rolling with life anyway.
There's a grim resolve that people all over the world learn to develop, and it comes with great humor and a capacity for deep connection, too. You learn to recognize it in the strangers you see at the bus stop when the last three busses have been mysteriously delayed or the coworker who has been at your dogshit company for ten years. There's beauty in the jaded ones with the sharp tongues. Huddle around them and take in their wisdom. Some day you might be lucky enough to be one of them too.
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The Catalyst (2) - Colder
WandaNat x Female Reader
Chapter summary: Even though you worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. for years you’ve never been keen on mind games. Yet it seems like this whole situation is a big mind game.
Spotify Playlist
Masterlist / First Part / Next Part
Word Count: 4.8k
-Broken the rules I followed burning for name so hollow-
The tension on the quinjet could be cut with a knife, and it was suffocating. No one was comfortable, not the agents assigned to watch Banner, not Banner himself, although you figured he wasn’t tense because of his own issues. Oh, no, while most people were tense because of him, or rather the ‘Other Guy’ he was more uncomfortable by the tension between you and Natasha. You didn’t look in her direction, even if you felt her eyes on you every now and then, that same piercing gaze you once loved now only made you irritated.
“For what it’s worth I didn’t intend to cause whatever this is,” Banner raised his hands, probably feeling a bit responsible for this.
“You didn’t,” you told him, still slightly reeling from the last conversation with Natasha. Now she had the nerve to talk about ‘what ifs’ to get angry at you for putting yourself in danger. She had no right to do that, to feel that. And what angered you even more was your own impulsive decision to put your life on the line for her sake.
You could feel Natasha’s eyes on you once again, and you knew she was biting her tongue, not wanting to talk things out in front of this many people. The initial shock of being in the same place again wore off, but now there was just tension.
“Right,” Bruce didn’t quite buy it. “If you say so, Agent L/N,” you whipped your head toward him with a glare.
“I’m not an agent,” you retorted angrily. You were done with that, done with Fury, done with Natasha, done with the whole organization and its stupidly long name that just so happened to perfectly fit into an acronym shield.
Bruce’s eyes widened and he nodded, not wanting to escalate things further, but you could see he was starting to piece together a broad picture.
The rest of the flight was uneventful, spent in near deafening silence aside from Natasha informing Hill that you were landing in five minutes. You looked outside the window when helicarrier came into view and old memories came back, all the missions you went on with other agents, the bonds and friendships you made. For the first time since you stepped back onto the quinjet you glanced toward Natasha, and your eyes met immediately and it was as if she was silently welcoming you back, even after everything.
And you despised that it was affecting you. Like the scent of her perfume that reminded you of the feelings you once had, that look, the same one she’d give you when you’d meet up after being sent on different missions, reminded you of the happier times.
“I’m going to find Fury,” you hastily anounced the moment the quinjet landed, you couldn’t be around her right now. Not when it felt like your heart was going to explode any second now. You marched straight for the bridge, ignoring the agents around you. You weren’t running, but you were clearly in a rush and you were barely keeping your emotions in check. All of this was just one horrible idea. Some agents knew you, some joined after you left, either way they all seemed to know why you were on the helicarrier. Or perhaps they just had more important issues to deal with at the moment.
You placed your hand on the ID scan. You no longer had your ID on you, not that it mattered, a tiny spark triggered the mechanism, and the doors opened.
“Agent L/N, I see you’re comfortable with your powers now,” Fury’s voice boomed from above you and you glared at him from the doors, standing there, overlooking everything and everyone.
“I’m not your agent,” you sneered as you finally slowed down your pace, walking up the stairs instead of rushing. You accepted to come here, you wouldn’t harm him or anyone here, but you were sure as hell going to tell him everything that was on your mind.
Fury looked at you like you were a petulant child refusing to behave. “Yet you’re here,” he didn’t care what your reasons were, or if you were or weren’t his agent, he was just that desperate.
“And you’re desperate. Losing Clint, losing that cube, relying on a bunch of people that at best have one common goal, sending Natasha to get me,” you walked up to him, looking right into his eye. He was taller than you, though not by that much.
Fury was as firm and unbreakable as ever, believing his cause to be righteous, no matter the cost. Believing that he stood in the shadows of whatever would stand between the threat that was coming and peace on Earth. “I am very desperate agent L/N, desperate enough to put my faith in a handful of people to become a team,” he replied in that same steady and confident tone. When you were younger you admired how he always seemed to be in control.
That confidence seemed like a façade right now. You’ve read the reports, he was in over his head and doing what Fury always did best, used every available and controllable resource to its’ fullest.
You raised an eyebrow as an ironic, sour smile spread across your face. “You had a team. Remember? The X-Men? Before your bosses turned on them,” you took a few steps back and jumped over to the rows of computers. “You couldn’t put your faith in the powers you feared, could you?” you spread your arms, and almost in an instant the heat rose in the room. Your eyes turned bright blue, as bright as your flames. One of the agents fired at you, but a burst of flames engulfed the bullet, melting it before it could reach you.
“Don’t waste bullets, she’s just showing off,” Fury wasn’t nervous, he wasn’t worried, he just observed as flames and lightning danced around you, forming long ribbon-like shapes tied to your wrists.
You breathed out and the flames and lighting vanished, letting your eyes return to normal. “I’m not going to move a finger, I’m not going to fight, I’m not going to save a single agent, I’m not going to interfere no matter what happens, unless civilians are in danger. And I sure as hell am not going to let you depower me again,” those days were behind you, days when you were so worried about your powers that you willingly let S.H.I.E.L.D. depower you just so you didn’t have to worry about hurting someone by accident.
~X~
Natasha led Rogers and Banner to the bridge, comfortable with the busy procedure on the helicarrier. It did little to ease her worries, even with all the technology at their disposal they still haven’t tracked Loki or Clint and she was thrown right back into that mission three years ago. Only this time the full force of S.H.I.E.L.D. was trying to track down Loki and Clint. She looked at Fury as she entered the bridge. She wasn’t stupid or naïve, if this was just about Clint, none of this would be happening. One agent, no matter how good or valuable, wasn’t worth all these resources.
And then there you were, leaning against the wall, all the way in the back and not really doing anything. You had no intention of helping until the very last moment, and as much as Natasha wished things were different she understood.
She left you, she chose to complete the mission and you spent almost a month in captivity, waiting for the effects of mutant depowering serum to wear off. She could have gone rogue, but she didn’t. ‘Nat, I need- I’ll bleed out-‘ those were the last words you spoke to her before she ended everything between you with one simple sentence. ‘I don’t have the permission to use it,’ it being the syringe containing the antidote to depowering serum. You didn’t argue after that and a minute later the communication was cut off.
She couldn’t let that happen again. No matter what happened she would get Clint back. It wouldn’t fix what she did, but she just didn’t want to lose someone that precious to her again.
She crouched down next to a computer searching for Clint. With no clue as to where Loki could be there was simply no way to find Clint in time. There was no way to guarantee that Loki would keep Clint alive, or that Clint would remain useful to Loki until they could get to him.
“It’s still not gonna find them in time,” she voiced as much after Coulson explained things to Banner and Rogers. She could see you folding your arms from the corner of her eye, probably thinking about the mission. Bitterly thinking you weren’t worth this three years ago, not to S.H.I.E.L.D. and not to her.
“Agent Romanoff, would you show Doctor Banner to his laboratory, please?” Fury’s order snapped her out of her thoughts and she stood up, hoping to lead Banner to the laboratory and then go and take her frustration out in the gym. As it was, she couldn’t do anything to speed up the search, so she might as well distract herself.
~X~
You’ve been gone for three years but it took less than half an hour to get used to the organized chaos in front of you. Hundreds of moving parts, all directed by Fury, moving like one well-oiled machine. It was frightening how quickly you got comfortable right where you were; you almost itched to get to work.
“Y/N, it’s good to see you again,” Coulson approached you with a friendly smile on his face.
“You too, I suppose,” you didn’t mind seeing him, or Maria Hill, and you’d be happy to see Clint again, it was mostly Natasha and Fury that you had issues with. The others followed orders, and they weren’t there to pretty much tell you they didn’t trust you to use your powers even if it meant it would save your life.
Coulson leaned against the wall right next to you and pulled a USB stick out of his pocket. “You might want to take a look at this when you have the time,” he told you in that usual semi-cryptic manner of his. It used to annoy you back when you first joined S.H.I.E.L.D. but over the years it became one of Coulson’s endearing traits.
“What is it?” you figured there was no harm in taking a look at it, even if you did take it from one of the best spies in S.H.I.E.L.D.
“The documents related to that mission. Including the aftermath, all the way until after we found you again,” he said and you nearly burnt it to crisp. “Do it for all the years we worked together,” he tried to convince you, but you were very much tempted to chuck it into the ocean. “She hasn’t let anyone call her ‘Nat’ since then, not even Clint. Thought you should know that before you burn that bridge down entirely,” he pulled away from the wall and went over to Steve Rogers.
You glared at the USB stick and shoved it into your pocket. There was nothing there that you cared about, but somehow you couldn’t throw it away, especially when you saw Natasha rushing in again, now dressed in her uniform. Barely a minute later Sitwell got a match on Loki.
You said you wouldn’t move a finger, wouldn’t do anything, and you were about to keep your word. You watched as Steve Rogers got ready to get on the quinjet again, as Natasha led him to it, focused on the mission and determined to find Clint as well. “Damn it,” you cursed and went after them.
“You’re coming as well?” Rogers asked you when you caught up to him and Natasha right as they were getting on board.
“Just in case,” you then figured you haven’t introduced yourself. “I’m Y/N L/N,” you told him and he nodded.
“Steve Rogers,” he said and offered you his hand. You shook it and went to the pilot seat, you lowered your glaive next to the seat while Natasha sat next to you. For a moment it seemed like you were acting the same way you did before she left you to die.
There was no need for words, no need to look at each other, you had a job to do, and you’d do it. Back then it was done with practiced ease, coming almost naturally to both of you, now there was just a hint of hesitation, a moment of delay before everything settled into the practiced routine.
Before long you were in Stuttgart and you came just in time to catch Loki making people kneel before him. “Gives the whole god-complex a new meaning, doesn’t it?” you muttered as Rogers jumped down and protected the old man that refused to kneel.
“You can say that again,” Natasha agreed as you flew closer to Loki and she lowered the gun. “Loki, drop the weapon and stand down,” she ordered over the speaker, but Loki merely pointed his spear at the quinjet and fired.
You tilted the quinjet to the side, dodging the blast. You and Natasha watched as Rogers fought with Loki. “I should go down there,” you went to stand up, ready to let someone else fly the quinjet, but Natasha quickly grabbed your forearm. Her touch felt hotter than your own fire and you looked at her, studied the way her lower lip trembled slightly.
“Don’t,” she didn’t look you in the eyes, she didn’t say anything else, but her had trembled ever so slightly and that was enough.
Coulson’s comment echoed in your mind, and you reluctantly gave up on joining the fight head-on. “Fine,” you said. “Can you take a shot?”
Natasha shook her head. “Guy’s all over the place.”
You were about to reply but then ‘Shoot to Thrill’ by AC/DC began playing through the speakers. “Agent Romanoff, you miss me?” Tony Stark’s voice came through the comms and you glanced at Natasha. It was subtle, but she smiled.
Stark flew in in his armor and blasted Loki back and all you and Natasha could do was watch as Stark landed, pointing a shit-ton of weapons at Loki. “Make a move, Reindeer Games.”
Loki raised his hands as his garb faded away. “That’s it?” you expected more as you began landing the quinjet.
“It’s too easy,” Natasha said and as much as you hated to admit it you agreed with her.
“Something’s wrong. We better keep an eye on him,” you landed the quinjet and Rogers and Stark got on with Loki between them.
“Swap with me,” Natasha tells you and you nod, letting her pilot the quinjet. You grab your glaive and stand on the side, ready just in case Loki tries anything.
Loki was… not quite what you expected. When you read about the Asgardians, the people that were supposed to be the gods of Nordic mythology you kind of expected more. Yet he looked like a regular human, clearly more powerful, but he could easily blend in if he wanted to. There was something in his eyes, in his demeanor, something dangerous, cunning.
“I don’t like it,” Rogers suddenly said, and you noticed he and Stark were also watching Loki.
“What? Rock of Ages giving up so easily?” Stark replied, clearly not bothered by any of this.
“I don’t remember it being that easy. This guy packs a wallop,” Rogers took the whole situation a lot more seriously.
“Didn’t think I’d hear that anytime soon,” you commented, still mostly focused on Loki. You felt a change in the air and went back to Natasha. She glanced back at you as you leaned over her shoulder. “Be careful, there’s a storm suddenly approaching,” you whispered and then realized how close you were. “Sorry,” you pulled away. You intended to keep the information between the two of you. You tucked your hand into your pocket, brushing your fingers across the USB stick. It was tempting you.
“It’s fine,” Natasha reassured you just as lightning flashed in front of the quinjet. “Doesn’t seem like a regular storm,” she noticed and it definitely wasn’t natural.
Something crashed onto the top of the quinjet and you grabbed onto Natasha’s seat to steady yourself. You looked up, feeling immense power clinging to the quinjet. “Thor? Probably?” judging by the power being lightning and the data you got, that was the only option that came to your mind.
Stark opened the back hatch the moment he had his helmet back on and you went to Loki, grabbing onto his shoulder and leaving a trace of your own lightning on the metal shoulder guard.
Just as you did that Thor entered the quinjet and hit Stark with his hammer before Stark could shoot him. Stark landed on Rogers and Thor went right for Loki.
“Not in the mood to talk,” you raised your glaive, clashing it with the hammer, only to immediately feel the force of Thor’s attack. You didn’t even have time to activate your powers, he just swept you aside and took Loki.
“That guy’s a friendly?” Rogers asked as he and Stark got back to their feet.
“Someone needs to teach you what friendly means,” you grumbled as you sat up and massaged your right shoulder. You hit one of the seats when Thor swept you aside and with the force he put behind his swing it certainly wasn’t a fun experience.
“Doesn’t matter. If he frees Loki, or kills him, the Tesseract’s lost,” Stark approached the ramp, clearly intending to go after Thor and Loki.
“Stark, we need a plan of attack,” Rogers warned him.
“I have a plan. Attack!” and off he went, and by the looks of it, Rogers intended to do the same as he went to grab a parachute.
“I’d sit this one out, Cap,” Natasha told him from her seat.
“I don’t see how I can,” Rogers already made up his mind though, and you had to admit it fit the legends about him.
“Quite easy, you just stay here,” you still suggested as you got up and went over to Natasha once again.
“Not an option,” and he just jumped, leaving you and Natasha and a handful of agents on the quinjet.
“Well, while the primary colors are hashing things out how about we retrieve Loki?” you asked and let a few sparks circle your hand. “I know exactly where to find him. Okay, I know roughly where to find him,” you said and Natasha nodded, following your directions to where Loki was.
Surprisingly he was just sitting there, as if waiting to be picked up once again. And no one was in sight. Not Stark, not Rogers, or Thor. “You’d think he’d try to escape,” you muttered, confused by his decision.
“We need to be careful,” Natasha told you. You couldn’t tell if Loki had any way to destroy the quinjet if she just landed it so there really was only one course of action you could take. One stays on the quinjet, the other faces the god of mischief.
“I’ll bring him back in,” you decided and went outside to meet Loki.
“Ah, the mutant. Firestorm, right?” he knew you, he knew everyone. “You aren’t afraid you’ll be left behind?” he mocked, hitting right where it hurt.
Clearly Clint told him a lot more than you originally thought. “Stopping you is worth the risk,” you didn’t deny it, he was right. You didn’t trust anyone anymore, the only difference was that this time it wouldn’t matter. You could defend yourself.
Thunder blasted from the forest below the cliff you and Loki were standing on. “Already tearing each other apart,” he seemed amused.
“Imagine what they’ll do to you,” you pointed your glaive at him and then at the quinjet. “Let’s go,” keeping Loki on the quinjet with just you and Natasha there wasn’t exactly the smartest move, but you figured a display of power was needed in this situation.
“Of course,” yet he didn’t resist, he didn’t object, he still had that smug look on his face as if this was exactly what he wanted.
~X~
The job was done for now, Loki was locked up, most of the team was here, Fury would do the talking for now. You found an empty room with computers and plugged the USB stick Coulon gave you in and there they were. Files upon files, the details of the mission, everyone involved and the data on them.
You sighed, looking at the words in front of you yet not really focusing on them. It was supposed to be a simple mission, it wasn’t supposed to end with you, impaled and bleeding out. With Natasha leaving and you being captured. You skipped through the mission reports and moved on to another file where you saw Natasha’s activity log. A day after the mission she was hacking into the databases, cameras, clearly looking for something. Unauthorized search after unauthorized search, all in hopes she would be able to track you.
“One day too late, Natasha,” you muttered to yourself. If she was going to disobey orders she should have done so during the mission, not a day later when you were already being held captive and tortured by the Red Room.
You went through more files and eventually stumbled upon a familiar scene. The remnants of the Red Room base you were kept in, or what was left of it after you could finally properly use your powers. The photos were taken shortly after you escaped, the place was still burning. In the end she found you, came to get you, probably. Or maybe it was someone else, there was no way of knowing at this point.
A week later Fury and Coulson tracked you and you threw your badge at their feet. You leaned back against the chair and just stared at the ceiling. It didn’t fix anything, but it did bring you some comfort that she did actually try to look for you.
With a heavy sigh you turned back to the computer and got access to the cameras where Loki was kept. Surprisingly you saw Natasha walking up to the cell.
“Right, of course,” of course Fury would send her. If there was one person who could interrogate Loki, it was Natasha.
“Hm. There’s not many people that can sneak up on me,” despite the current circumstances you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling. She was that good. Too good actually.
“But you figured I’d come,” you missed seeing her work. Loki may be wielding magic, but Natasha’s interrogations were magical in their own way,
“After. After whatever tortures Fury can concoct, you would appear as a friend, as a balm. And I would cooperate,” Loki assumed, as if expecting Fury would underestimate him like that.
“I wanna know what you’ve done to Agent Barton,” your eyes widened when you heard Natasha say that and for a moment you weren’t sure if Fury sent her or if she came on her own. You could barely see her face, but from what you could see there was that sense of desperation, hidden deep behind the mask she put on.
“I’d say I’ve expanded his mind,” Loki taunted, provoked her.
Natasha tilted her head to the side and then began approaching him. “And once you’ve won. Once you’re king of the mountain,” she crossed her arms and stood right in front of him. “What happens to his mind?”
“Is this love, Agent Romanoff? Got over Agent L/N that quickly?” Loki kept hitting right where it hurt and you clenched your fist. Clint clearly still had those ideas in his head, and here was the enemy, taunting Natasha with that.
“Love is for children. I owe him a debt,” Natasha ignored the second question, but you saw it. The way she squeezed her arm just a bit harder gave her away.
“Tell me,” Loki invited her to keep talking as he stepped away from the glass.
Natasha paused, opened her mouth once, then closed it. And then she also took a few steps back. “Before I worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. I uh, well, I made a name for myself,” she sat down on a chair near the railing while Loki also sat down. “I have a very specific skill set. I didn’t care who I used it for, or on. I got on S.H.I.E.L.D.’s radar in a bad way. Agent Barton was sent to kill me, he made a different call,” she explained her story, the basics of it. Judging by everything Loki already knew he was probably familiar with this as well.
“And what will you do if I vow to spare him?” he tested the waters, trusted that he was in control, that he was the one manipulating her. As if she didn’t catch on that he already knew everything she revealed.
“Not let you out,” Natasha shut that idea down immediately.
“Ah, no. But I like this. Your world in the balance, and you bargain for one man?” and there was nothing fake about it. She really wanted to get Clint back, and she was willing to do almost anything to accomplish that. A bitter thought that you weren’t worth that crossed your mind once again but you pushed it to the back of your mind.
Natasha raised an eyebrow, indifferent to who ruled the world, and that was so like her. “Regimes fall everyday. I tend not to weep over that, I’m Russian, or I was,” you had to smile when you head her say that so nonchalantly.
“And what are you now?” Loki inquired, encouraging her to share.
“It’s really not that complicated,” she stood up again and closed the distance between her and Loki. “I got red in my ledger. I’d like to wipe it out,” your smile fell. The ledger. Natasha’s only reason for doing any of this. Her desire to earn her redemption, you knew all about it. Apparently some things never change.
“Can you? Can you wipe out that much red? Drakov’s daughter?” your eyes widened as you realized just how much Clint told him. “Sao Paulo? The hospital fire? Barton told me everything,” he approached the glass once more, sneering at Natasha as she tried to keep her composure. There was no way that wasn’t affecting her.
“Stop,” you stood up, gripping the table so hard it was starting to crack.
Yet Loki didn’t stop. “Your ledger is dripping, it’s gushing red, and you think saving a man no more virtuous than yourself will change anything? This is the basest sentimentality. This is a child, a prayer. Pathetic,” with every word his voice grew harsher, angrier, aiming to hurt her in any way he could. “You lie and kill in the service of liars and killers. You pretend to be separate, to have your own code, something that makes up for the horrors. But they are a part of you, and they will never go away.”
You tried to turn the program off, but it wouldn’t close. “Fury,” you couldn’t keep watching, but he clearly wanted you to see it.
You watched as Loki slammed his fist against the glass and Natasha flinched, jumped back, more startled than you’ve ever seen her. And you pushed away from the table and went to open the doors only to find it was sealed shut.
“I won’t touch Barton! Not until I make him kill you. Slowly, intimately, in every way he knows you fear,” you were stuck there, listening to Loki, imagining Natasha’s face. There was no way this wasn’t getting to her.
“And then he’ll wake just long enough to see his good work and when he screams, I’ll split his skull! This is my bargain, you mewling quim!” blue flames burst around you threatening to burn the whole room down and lightning crackled, but you still heard Natasha sobbing.
“You’re a monster!” she sobbed, and you cried out, charging a ball of lightning to send right at the computer.
“Oh, no. You brought the monster,” Loki taunted, and just as you were about to make the computer explode Natasha spoke up.
“So, Banner? That’s your play,” she sounded completely calm, but you knew her, there was a turmoil inside of her. And Loki would pay for it. You blew up the computer anyway, just to release a bit of that frustration. It didn’t help. Nothing would help until Loki was beaten and made to pay for what he just did.
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Masterlist / First Part / Next Part
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Chapter 3 Sneak Peak/Teaser:
Some additions have been added for the sake of it, and may not appear in the actual post when Chapter 3 is up. However, they do serve as a little glimpse into how certain characters feel at the moment. Glimpses which aren't exactly shown in the final post either, at least not like they are here.
Regardless, I hope y'all like this little piece of what's to come!
-----
Tim felt his heart leap to his throat. No way, had he really...? No. No, he couldn't get his hopes up... but he just couldn't help himself. Could anyone really blame him? After all this time, he finally felt like he was getting close, but he couldn't be too sure. No, no. Not yet. Though right here, right now he would. He would confirm it, and make himself certain. There was no way around it. ... Yet his heart rate increased as his hands began to shake.
No way, he thought. No way.
[...] He had to be sure. He had to be certain. He couldn't afford to be wrong. Not this time around. Not over you.
[...]
He almost couldn't believe it, staring at the document where he had listed all of the information he gathered from his search.
... He had done it. He finally did it.
[...]
Tim just looked at his screen, still processing all that had happened, suddenly feeling unsure.
Should he just keep this to himself, so that he could go after you? The others didn't know yet… they didn't have to know yet, this was a golden opportunity. Should he really be giving this up?
Though of course he just had to run his mouth before thinking things over. Of course.
[...]
Maybe... this whole thing wasn't such a good idea after all. Not with how he went about things, not with how he acted and just spit out the most important thing he had found without thinking, just out of spite.
If only he had gone about it differently. Then maybe he'd be with you instead of him.
--
Somewhere in your heart, you knew it couldn't last forever — and as if hearing your worries, an abrupt knock echoed throughout the apartment.
If only you had listened to how your heart stopped.
[...]
You made your way to the door, and yet here — right at the foot of it, an odd feeling began to blossom in your chest. You couldn't make sense of it, but as you reached for the knob, you found yourself stopping. It didn't feel like a good idea to open the door, and though you couldn't figure out why, you just took a small breath and pushed the feeling to the side.
Clearly, you were having a weird night, but just to humor yourself you decided to 'comply' with whatever this feeling was, and check who was at the door by looking through the peephole instead.
It was only then did you understand.
[..]
Your heart leapt from your chest to your throat when more knocks came, basically pounding against the door. Fuck. They were getting impatient.
[...]
Your hands were sweaty, your heart was racing, and you could hardly stand still as you waited and waited.
Life in Gotham had always worked in mysterious ways, but this was too much too soon. Despite months having past, in the moment, it felt like it had been days since you had left. Like you had barely just gotten a taste of freedom, of love and appreciation — only for it to be stripped away from you. To be taken by the very people you once turned to for such things.
Perhaps even staying in the city was too close. Maybe you should've moved farther away when you still had the chance.
[...]
Oh god, you were really doing this.
Not wanting to waste any more time, you took a step forward and tried to take a breath. Trying to calm down your heart a bit as you gathered your composure, and acted as normally as you could manage.
Walking forward, you rounded the corner, and there he was in all of his tainted glory.
[...]
The way he looked at you made you feel uncomfortable to say the least, and his whole demeanor was nothing you had seen from him before. Not directed towards you anyway, and you couldn’t help but struggle trying to remember the last time he smiled at you in person, but maybe you had just gotten used to seeing his back turned to you one too many times. Maybe you had just grown too familiar seeing his smile in photographs and painted pictures, instead of real life.
[...]
Your heart felt heavy in your chest, and despite how you tried to ignore it, you could feel that something was wrong. Though you just chalked it up to how you aren't used to them talking with you, or smiling towards you or anything. Or you tried to anyway, but you were slowly beginning to doubt it.
[..] On any other occasion you'd try to let it go, but doing so didn't feel right. It felt stupid, and almost as if you'd put yourself in more danger by trying to, so for now you'd just keep it in mind. Even if nothing came of it, at least you were being cautious, right?
.. All you could do was just hope that this would end as quickly as it started. For both your sake and their's, but mostly for your own.
[...]
The absence of sirens in the air and occasional gunshots didn't sit right with you, and even the amount of people driving by wasn't as much as it'd usually be. The city didn't feel busy, let alone as alive as it would've been on any other night, and it bothered you. It was like some sort of silent evacuation was going on, or a lock down of some kind that not everyone was informed of. There were more whispers than there were shouts, and a kind of awkward peace instead of striking violence and chaos.
You couldn't believe it, was this Gotham's first real quiet night?
CRACK.
Perhaps you spoke too soon.
[..]
It was only then did you really take a look around, and notice how the people you passed by looked equally tense and nervous. An unsaid but shared feeling of tension and anxiety hung in the air, and now that you noticed it — you couldn't ignore it.
[...]
Small beads of sweat began to roll down your neck. Your hands felt clammy, and you tried to steady your breathing once you realized it was wavering. You tried to fix any outward reaction you noticed you were displaying before they could catch on, fiddling with your sleeves as you tried to reassure yourself.
You were going to be okay... right?
[..]
So, you tried to ignore how the pit in your stomach continued to grow with each second that passed. How each sound caused you to tense, and sometimes jump the smallest bit, but you tried to ignore that too.
... Seconds turned into minutes, and it was only now that you fully realized how long this short walk felt. The sidewalks stretched on, and the streets never seemed to end.
The longer time dragged on, the worse you felt. The more you wanted to get away and just shove them aside. You didn't want this, you thought you wouldn't see them again after leaving, because why would you think otherwise? After all that time of them treating you like you were never there? And now this?
Just this whole situation was giving off mixed signals, but the worst part about it? It made you feel like you should've given up sooner, and who knows? Maybe you should've.
[...]
At least now you were able to take a breather, even if it was only temporary. With someone familiar that you actually felt comfortable enough to be around. To talk with, and exist in their space.
Sure, you'd have to step back outside eventually, but for now? You didn't have to. Not until the order was ready, and you'd have to face them again. Though that wasn't now, was it? For now you could just... be.
To think you'd feel so grateful just to be able to breathe in your own space.
To think that they'd try to take that away from you too, but you wouldn't let them. You couldn't. Not freely or willingly anyway.
You had given them enough, why couldn't they understand that? Why did they suddenly want to have what you tried to give them so long ago? Haven't they realized that the opportunity has already past, and they're the ones that let it happen? Maybe. Maybe some of them do. Maybe some of them did. They were smart like that, after all. Some had to know. They had to.
But not this one. Otherwise he wouldn't be here.
#yandere batfam#platonic yandere batfam#yandere dc#gn reader#platonic yandere#yandere x gn reader#neglected reader#yandere tim drake#yandere dc x reader#yandere batfam x reader
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Hello! This might be a common theme among Snape fics but…
What do you think about Severus and reader being good friends in school and slowly grow further apart due to his Death Eater status. That is, until they see each other again later in their adult years and maybe dormant affections rekindle?
severus snape, ❝ i missed you. ❞

i just might have an idea for an eventual part two-
༺☆༻
You tried. You really did! But no matter how hard you tried to keep in touch, it wouldn't matter. Because friendship should go both ways. And even though Severus clearly cared for you, you two eventually... drifted apart. You have to admit that you didn't treat his meetings with other Death Eaters seriously at first. But who can blame you? His constant excuses were made to make you think it's nothing serious. "we're just going there to talk" or "they are my friends too, so i need to help them when they need me" were one of the many things you'd hear in your teenage years still at school. But once you both graduated and his 'friend group' turned out to be officially well known literal cult (!), you did set the boundary there. Long talks turned into brief conversations, those into writing letters, until finally Severus stopped replying to those that you had sent. You suspected he didn't even read them at all. Why would he? All you knew was the rumors of what the Death Eaters were doing now and apparently how far they were willing to go to prove their point. You were not only angry but also disappointed. In him, but also in yourself for not reacting sooner, when maybe there still was a chance to stop him. Prevent any of this from happening. Especially now, that the Dark Lord was back.
༺☆༻
You sat at the table, drumming your fingers against the wooden surface as Molly set down a warm cup of tea in front of you. With a small nod and a smile you took a sip. The Order members were still on their way here, as you were informed. It was rather spontaneous - bringing you here to help them. After your contact with Severus died down you decided to focus on your studies, mastering your abilities. And now, your connections and knowledge could be useful to help the Order and many other people. After all, if Albus Dumbledore himself asks for your assistance, then it's probably important. So here you are now. Sitting at the table at Grimmauld Place 12, chatting with Sirius and Molly, drinking tea as they tried to update you on what they got so far. You looked down at the newspaper Arthur brought in, focusing on it briefly as everyone walked into the room where the meeting was supposed to take place in. So many old and new faces you could see again. It should bring you joy, maybe even a sense of comfort. To see old friends again. Yet your heart stopped for a moment as Severus sat down at the end of the table, avoiding your gaze. You looked away, not sure what to do. Smile? Wave? it was confusing, so you decided to focus on more important matters at the moment.
After the meeting (and rather heated argument in between Severus and Sirius, that briefly made you realise how not as much they both had changed) you stood up, looking as the room to cleared. before you could even do anything you saw Severus was already gone. Even though you could've sworn he was right next to you just a moment before.
It was only two meetings later that Severus finally pulled you to the side on your way out of the building.
"Sev!" you blinked, not expecting him to actually initiate any contact with you, and definitely not like that. He muttered your name quietly and you had a feeling he said it out loud for the first time in years.
"I need to talk to you. Just for a minute," he explained. The tone of his voice betrayed how uncomfortable he actually felt at the moment - something you haven't seen in years. he must’ve noticed that too, because he relaxed slightly shortly after you nodded.
"i had no idea you belong to the Order." you said, awkwardly folding your arms on your chest.
"i, as well, was not informed you do too now." he responded, his voice a bit lower this time and tone much colder than he intended.
"is that a problem?" you frowned, asking defensively. "i know you probably didn't wanted to talk to me, but i don't think that our past should have any negative effect on the Order's efficiency-“
“what are you taking about?” he stopped your rambling and frowned.
“you’re not going to ask me to not talk to you outside of the Order meetings?” you asked, also frowning in confusion.
“Merlin, of course not,” he shook his head, visibly frustrated and maybe even annoyed. “i wanted to…” he paused. right. what did he wanted? “i suppose i wanted to say… that I’m sorry.” he muttered.
“you suppose?” you shook your head. “you decided to completely throw away our friendship and for what? to just come back years later? as if nothing happened?” you said, even though your tone betrayed that there was no real anger behind those words; just regret that so many years were wasted.
“that’s my fault. for pushing you away.” he admitted reluctantly. “and i apologize for it.”
“i wrote you letters…” you said quietly after a moment of silence. “…but since you stopped reading them i stopped sending new ones-“
“i was always reading them,” he said defensively. “i still should have them somewhere… i just had no idea what to write to you back.”
You looked up at him, his expression showing how sincere he was in this moment.
“…we should catch up.” you offered quietly. “a lot of things had happened.”
“yes. we definitely should.” he nodded.
After a moment of silence you looked up at him again after he called your name again.
“i missed you.”
You smiled softly, feeling his hands rest on your shoulders gently, pulling you into a hug.
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Death doesn’t exist.
Interestingly, in order for me to accept that I was the creator of my life, I had to learn more about death. It was a missing puzzle piece that allowed me to remember that I am God and can manifest whatever I desire.
But before that, I was quite doubtful about my ability to create. I would persist and believe (or try to anyway), but underneath all that, I had this encompassing fear of failure. Fear that by the end of my life, I would still not have succeeded with my manifestations. Fear of dying in regret and disappointment for not experiencing the life I desire.
And I thank my soul for guiding me to the book “Home with God” by Neal Donald Walsch, which allowed me to remember that there is no death. This book is a dialogue between the author and The God (aka the source of everything). When I was reading that book, it didn’t feel like I was learning something new. It felt like remembering something I already knew.
And in this post, I’ll be sharing information about death from that dialogue. Obviously, it’s your choice to believe it. But I would recommend you not listen to your mind. Listen to your soul; it speaks to you through your feelings. Intuition. Allow yourself to FEEL the information I’m sharing. Do not use logic for that; it’s quite limiting. So here we go:
Learning about death allowed me to stop fearing dying in regret and disappointment, which then produced confidence in my manifesting abilities and feeling at total peace every single day. There is nothing to be afraid of. Why? Because death doesn’t exist, and this is what I mean by that:
When people speak of death, they mean the end of life. But your life never ends. It’s the physical body that dies, and then at that moment, you discover that you are still alive. You keep on existing just in a different form. Death is simply an experience of leaving 3D and entering another dimension. And what’s the most fascinating thing: it’s different for everyone, or the experience of it is more like. Same with your life in physical form: it’s different for everyone depending on your beliefs, perception, and assumptions. You choose the experience of your life (consciously or unconsciously). The same with death: you choose your own experience of it. But what’s the same for everyone is that “death” has 3 stages.
The first stage is the same for everyone. “In stage one, at the moment of your death, you will instantly experience that life has gone on. This will be the same for everyone. There could be a brief period of disorientation, as you come to realize that you are not with your body, but, instead, are now separate from it.” During this stage, you realize even though your body died, your life hasn’t ended. For most people, it will be the first time they realize that they aren’t their bodies. The body is something you have. It’s not what you are. And then you move into the next stage.
The second stage is where everyone’s experience is unique depending on their beliefs about what happens after death:
• If you believe in reincarnation, for instance, you may experience moments from previous lives of which you have no previous conscious memory.
• If you believe that you will be enfolded in the embracing arms of an unconditionally loving God, that will be your experience.
• If you believe in a Day of Judgment or a Time of Reckoning, followed by paradise or damnation for all eternity, you will experience being judged and the judgment will turn out exactly as you imagined it would.
• If you died thinking that you deserve heaven, you will immediately experience that, and if you think that you deserve hell, you will immediately experience that. Heaven will be exactly as you imagined it would be, as will hell. If you have no idea about the specifics of either, you will make them up right on the spot. Then, these places will be created for you that way, instantly. You may remain in these experiences as long as you wish.
What’s important to know is that there is no Hell. But you can create hell for yourself if you choose to or believe that’s what you deserve.
However, you won’t stay there for one moment longer than you choose to. The moment you decide that you are done experiencing it, it’s finished. The same with Heaven.
Everyone remembers in the 2nd stage that they create their reality: in the physical and spiritual. In the physical realm, our creations may be delayed. But in the spiritual realm, our manifestations are instant. So you can experience whatever you desire for however long you wish. You can relive your life again or create a new one and enjoy that life for however long you want, and it will feel as real as in 3D. So during the 2nd stage, souls remember that they create their experiences and it’s instant. When they are done experiencing their creations, they move to the 3rd stage.
During the 3rd stage, you experience Ultimate Reality, which is merging with the Essence (God/Creator of all). You are enveloped with the infinite source of love and peace. You become one with The Creator. This is where you came from. It’s pure void. You are a pure being.
Every aspect of itself, every “good” and “bad” trait the soul thought it had is being absorbed by the Creator. It melts all shame, pride, fears, every character trait and leaves the soul with a beautiful emptiness. Experiencing nothing but Oneness. “Now you are merged with this Light and you feel dissolved. This “melting” completes the change in your identity. You no longer identify yourself in any way or at any level with the separate aspect of being that you called “you” in your physical life.”
The most fascinating thing is that you can experience the merging with everything during your physical life. This is what the void is for. When you reach the void state, you merge with Oneness where creation is instant.
During the 3rd stage of death, you can stay merged with the Creator for as long as you desire. But you won’t stay there forever because that’s it’s not what you desire. Because if you stay forever in this pure bliss and ecstasy, you would stop identifying it as “bliss” and “ecstasy”. Because there is nothing else there. There is no opposite of that. So you will desire to recreate yourself anew and choose your next physical incarnation because that’s the only way for you to experience your own magnificence.
The purpose of death is to reestablish your identity and to help you remember who you really are: One with God, an infinite source of creation. The purpose of physical life is to experience this knowing.
I want to point out the importance of your system of beliefs because they shape your life and your death (during the 2nd stage). You are constantly creating your reality. In physical life and after that. Some people think different rules apply in death (or in life). But no, it’s the same rules, the only difference is that your creations are instant after death. But again, they can be instant in your physical realm if you choose to believe that you can create instantly. It’s all about your beliefs and assumptions.
For most people who aren’t into LOA and don’t know that that’s are creators of their reality, their “death” will be the moment of remembrance that they are indeed creators. That they never stopped creating and they will see it clearly. But they don’t have to wait until death to experience themselves as God and creators. You can do it in physical life. It’s always your choice. You shape your life in physical and your life in spiritual.
For me, knowing more about death allowed me to stop feeling anxious about whether I’ll manifest my dream life before I die. The fact is that I never die, I just change my form. Life is eternal. It’s the body that dies. But you are not your body. It’s something you have. It helps you to experience wonderful things that you have chosen to experience.
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A Song of Ice & Shadow
Part 17
You can read previous chapters here.
Summary: Y/n and Nesta’s presence is required at the River House, where two important announcements are made. This time, Y/n decides to not interfere with the dangerous choices her sisters are making. Later, a sparring session between Azriel and Cassian sparks an idea in Y/n.
WC: 2.8K.
There were two kinds of people after a fight. Those who let everything out before exhaustion took over and those who resorted to… other ways. After Elain’s visit, Y/n and Nesta were clearly upset. While Azriel stayed and listened to Y/n pour her heart out, unmoving as she tried to make him leave, Nesta and Cassian chose to resolve their feelings through other, more physical means, further complicating their relationship instead of resolving it.
At breakfast, Azriel, Cassian, and Nesta were seated at the dining table when Y/n entered. Today, she had no energy at all. She didn’t care that Nesta was in the room and just took a seat silently. Azriel was mid-question when she sat down. “Did something happen that I, as your chaperone, should know about?”
Y/n glanced between her sister and Cassian, and then it hit her. Cassian’s scent still carried traces of arousal. It was no secret that he was pinning after Nesta, but today something had shifted.
Azriel informed them that the three of them were to head to the River House. He hadn’t told Y/n that night before- granted, it hadn’t been the right moment, but still, this sudden summons felt overwhelming. She was not ready to face her family again, especially not after yesterday.
“Is it necessary?” Y/n asked, trying not to think about how vulnerable she’d been in front of Azriel less than a day ago.
“Yes. Rhys requires everyone there.”
When they arrived, everyone was already gathered, except for Elain and Mor. Cassian went to kiss Feyre’s cheek, but a shield encased her.
Azriel updated them on what he’d discovered. The mortal queen, Briallyn- the one who’d emerged old and cruel after leaping into the Cauldron, the one who wanted Y/n and Nesta dead, was after the Dread Trove: the three powerful, dark objects capable of granting their wielder unparalleled power. Y/n had never bothered to learn her name until today.
Briallyn’s pursuit of the Trove signaled that the threat of war was once again looming. Ever since Feyre had been turned Fae, it felt as though war and ruin constantly lurked on the horizon. Y/n was sick of it- all of it.
Y/n remained silent throughout the meeting, while Nesta asked questions about these objects.
When they discussed warning the other Courts, they decided against it. Despite claiming to want peace, they never acted like it. Y/n wondered how they’d feel if another court came across this information and withheld it from them.
Their plan was to track the three objects now and then Elain appeared, peering in from the doorway. “Use me,” she said.
Nesta shot to her feet, instantly protesting. Y/n remained silent. If Elain wanted to risk herself, then so be it. She wasn’t going to meddle in their lives anymore.
The two sisters argued until Amren suggested Nesta search for it instead. Y/n wondered if that was all a trap to get her or Nesta to do their dirty work, sparing Elain in the process. The two sisters exchanged some hurtful words and Y/n remained standing like a stone, even when Nesta glanced at her multiple times, a silent plea for help.
“It wasn’t an easy choice for me to ask Elain to endanger herself like that,” Feyre admitted.
And there it was, she might not have said it directly, but everyone would prefer if Y/n or Nesta endangered themselves instead of Elain.
“Why can’t you do it? You’re made and you have all this magic,” Nesta snapped.
Feyre exchanged a look with Rhys before answering. “I can’t risk it.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m pregnant,” Feyre broke the news.
So it was true. For her new family, she’d forsake the old- or so Y/n thought.
Everyone rushed to congratulate the couple. Even Nesta muttered a quiet “Congratulations.” But Y/n was still standing there, almost forgotten as she was lost in her own thoughts. The room blurred around her as they discussed the Trove again, and Nesta finally agreed to help.
Rhys had wanted to discuss some things with Cassian and Azriel before they left, so Y/n had managed to slip off the back door quietly. Moments later, Feyre found her.
“Here you are.” Feyre’s voice was cautious as she stepped forward, her hands clasped in front of her. “I was looking for you. You didn’t say anything back there, I thought you’d-”
“You are always expecting things from me,” Y/n spun around to face her, eyes flashing. “Sorry to disappoint.” Her words snapped through the air like a whip.
Feyre flinched slightly but didn’t back down. “Y/n- that’s not what I meant.”
“Then what is it?” Y/n crossed her arms over her chest, her jaw tight. “What do you want?”
“I want us to be a family again.” Feyre’s voice softened, a raw plea in her tone.
Y/n let out a bitter laugh, the sound hollow and cutting. “A bit too late for that, don’t you think?”
Feyre’s brows knit together, her shoulders sagging slightly. “Is that what you really believe?”
Y/n’s eyes met hers again, hard as stone. “It doesn’t matter what I believe- it is what it is.”
Feyre’s lips pressed into a thin line as she stepped closer, trying to bridge the emotional chasm between them. “Why are you doing this?”
“Because I can,” Y/n replied sharply.
Feyre took in a slow breath, steadying herself. “Is that what you want? To push me and everyone else who cares about you away?”
“If I said yes, what are you going to do about it? Will you finally leave me alone?”
Feyre’s throat bobbed as she swallowed thickly. “I see training hasn’t helped.”
Y/n’s bitter laugh returned, sharper this time. “You can’t have everything your way, Feyre. You can’t help those who don’t want to be helped.”
“Father wouldn’t want you to-”
“Don’t mention him.” Y/n’s voice cracked slightly, but she straightened her spine, swallowing the lump in her throat. “Ever.”
Feyre winced as if Y/n’s words had physically struck her. “Is that what this is about?” Her voice dropped, her features softening with quiet grief. “Because there was nothing you could’ve done.”
“I said don’t.” Y/n’s voice was low, trembling with restrained power. “You are pregnant and I can barely contain my powers, so please don’t push my boundaries.”
Feyre hesitated, her mouth tightening as she tried to hold back her response.
She finally spoke again, softer this time. “I have something I want to share with you and Nesta. Can you remain civil, or is that out of your control, too?”
“I can try, but I can’t promise you anything.”
As Feyre led her inside, Nesta was waiting in the hallway. It appeared that they’d already had a conversation before Feyre went out to talk to Y/n.
“Since Elain found out I was pregnant, I wanted you both to know first- it’s a boy,” Feyre informed them.
“The baby?” Nesta asked.
The two sisters had a brief conversation. Feyre hoped Y/n would at least try- say anything but she didn’t. There had only been one time only when Y/n was extremely mad at Feyre when they were younger, but it had never been this bad. Y/n had quarreled with all her sisters over the years, but it never escalated to this point. Feyre wondered if it was because of the heightened emotions Fae-kind experienced compared to humans or if it was because of the trauma Y/n had experienced during the war.
When their mother died, Y/n became cold and distant, but never like this. Even a few years later, when Y/n came home one day and pushed everyone away for over a month, it was never this bad. It was after that month that Y/n had gone to look for her biological father and secure some work. When she came to visit a few months later, she was softer, but it never occurred to Feyre what might have happened if Y/n hadn’t left after that month. Would she still have pushed them away? Stayed cold and distant?
The sisters had asked her a couple of times what had happened that day when she’d returned, shaking, but they never got an answer. It was something Y/n carried with her to this day, something she’d tried burying deep inside. Time had dulled the pains lightly, but it never healed her. She had stayed too busy to think about anything else back then- always moving, always occupied.
But ever since becoming Fae, time felt endless. And when those feelings crept up on her, she’d thrown herself into the war, thinking it would be enough to drown everything out. And after they’d won, she numbed the pain in other ways. Now, with no distractions left, it all resurfaced, rising like waves trying to pull her under. She was slowly breaking apart.
Years of trauma were creeping to the surface. She’d never dealt with any of it- just ran from it, always running from her problems.
She hadn’t realized that one day, it would all catch up to her and there would be no more escaping them.
One of her greatest struggles wasn’t that she didn’t care, it was that she cared too much. So much that it consumed her, filling every bone, every muscle, every vein with the weight of her emotions. She didn’t know how to deal with that, let alone talk to someone about it.
Since she had always run from her problems, pushing everyone away felt easier. It was painful, yes- but in a very twisted way, it was also more comfortable.
“Ready?” Azriel’s voice broke through the haze, pulling her back to reality.
She blinked and realized they were standing at the front door with Feyre, Rhys, and Azriel. Cassian had already flown off with Nesta moments ago.
“I hope you get through whatever you’re going through,” Feyre said softly.
Y/n hesitated for a moment before taking Azriel’s extended hand. As she prepared to leave, she finally muttered, “Congratulations, Feyre. I hope you’re happy.”
The next day as Y/n was heading to the dining room, she met Azriel halfway down the stairs. Ever since that night when she bared her soul to him, she had barely spoken to him. Avoiding him completely was impossible, so she opted for the second best option- minimal interaction.
“Good morning, Y/n,” Azrile greeted, his tone quiet yet warm.
“Shadowsinger.”
He opened his mouth as though to say something else, but Y/n quickened her steps, gaining a few strides on him. He got the message: she did not want to talk to him.
When she reached the dining room, Cassian was already sitting in his usual place, and Nesta had just arrived a few moments earlier. Y/n took a seat, followed by Azriel.
Cassian raised a brow at his brother, his expression suspicious. “Morning, Az. Y/n.” Then he turned to Nesta with a smirk. “Nes. How’d you sleep?”
Something was definitely going on between them. Y/n’s gaze flicked between the two of them before settling on Azriel, who only shrugged.
“Like a babe,” Nesta replied smoothly.
“I’ll be doing some training today before heading out,” Azriel informed Cassian. “I hope I won’t be interrupting anything.”
“Not at all. We’ll be starting hand-to-hand combat,” Cassian said with a grin.
Y/n perked up slightly- she had some experience in that area.
“My least favorite,” Azriel remarked as he grabbed a piece of fruit.
“Why?” Nesta asked, curious.
Azriel’s hazel eyes gleamed as he cast a brief glance at Y/n before returning to Nesta. “I like swordplay…Hand-to-hand is too close for my taste.”
Interesting. Was he hinting at something? Or teasing a certain someone?
“He doesn’t like getting a face full of someone’s armpit sweat,” Cassian joked, biting into his bread.
“Show me how you two fight,” Nesta demanded.
Azriel blinked, caught off guard.
Nesta continued. “I want to know what I’m up against.”
Y/n slurped her coffee, raising her eyes slightly to look at the two warriors.
As the three of them headed for the fighting ring, Cassian paused. “would you like to join us, Y/n?”
Good thing he asked, because if he didn’t, she was planning to watch anyway. It was a sight she didn’t want to miss.
“You want to do a little sparring? It’s been a while since I wiped the floor with you,” Cassian taunted, his grin cocky as always.
Azriel was calm as he took off his jacket and shirt, revealing his muscular chest and abdomen. Cassian did the same.
Y/n leaned against the wall near the water station, watching with mild amusement. She only glanced at Nesta once or twice without exchanging any words.
Cassian flexed his stomach muscles, earning him a disapproving look from Azriel, who muttered, “Pathetic, Cass.”
Y/n let out a soft chuckle, unable to help herself.
Noticing Azriel’s equally muscled form, Cassian asked, “Where the hell are you training these days?”
Azriel answered nonchalantly, “Here- at night.”
Cassian frowned. “Trouble sleeping?”
The Shadowsinger’s gaze flicked briefly toward Y/n before he muttered, “Something like that.”
Even that quick glance didn’t escape Cassian’s notice. His eyes trailed to where Azriel had been looking moments ago. He wondered if there was something going on between them. He hadn’t detected any scent of arousal from either of them- but then again, Azriel had his ways of hiding things.
The two Illyrians circled each other before beginning their sparring.
“Come on, show me what you’ve been practicing all night long,” Cassian taunted.
Azriel only smiled in response.
Nesta raised a brow. “Is this how you usually fight? By circling and taunting each other?”
Before she could finish her thought, the brothers began exchanging blows. Each punch was blocked and countered with precision. Some hits found their targets, but the brothers did not use their full strength- otherwise, they’d have been dragging each other to the healer with broken bones.
Y/n found herself enjoying this far more than swordplay, for the simple fact that here, blood could be shed, and punches would hurt. In swordplay, she couldn’t draw blood unless it was a real battle. Sparring with blades was just a contest to see who could disarm their opponent faster with a few precise moves. Hand to hand combat, though exhausting, demanded more. It required more- was raw, more violent- even in practice.
After a while, even though both warriors could go for hours, Cassian decided to wrap it up, seeing had an actual lesson to teach. “Whoever lands the next blow wins,” he declared.
Azriel scowled. “That’s ridiculous. We go until one of us eats dirt.”
He was competitive, and Y/n was just discovering this side of him. Unlike Cassian, who was arrogant and boastful, Azriel was always the quiet, sneaky, calculating one- always outsmarting his brothers at every turn. It’s why, over the centuries, he’d won more often than either of them in whatever games they played.
Azriel managed to trick Cassian by widening his eyes at Nesta as though something was wrong. When Cassian followed his gaze, Azriel’s fist shot out and landed a solid punch to his brother’s jaw. Cassian stumbled back, rubbing his chin.
Azriel smirked as he walked to the water station. Y/n was already there, handing him a cup of water.
“For someone who hates hand-to-hand combat, you’re pretty good at it,” she remarked, tilting her head as she studied him, still leaning against the wall.
He gave a slight nod, his lips quirking as he took the cup from her hand.
She hesitated before asking. “Will you be back tonight?”
He met her gaze. “Do you want me to be?
She rolled her eyes. “Will you, or will you not?”
“Ever so impatient, Y/n.” His eyes softened. “Yes, I will be back.”
The truth was, he wasn’t planning to. But seeing that unspoken plea in her eyes changed his mind. He knew she’d never ask outright- so he’d come.
“I want to train with you,” she admitted suddenly.
Azriel blinked. “I thought you-”
“In hand-to-hand combat,” she clarified.
He crossed his arms. “Why the sudden change?”
Her eyes flicked toward Cassian. “Let’s just say there’s a certain grin on someone’s face I’d like to erase.”
Azriel followed her gaze and gave a knowing nod. “That’s going to take more time than you think and… it won’t be easy.”
“I don’t want easy,” Y/n replied with a smirk. “And the longer it takes, the sweeter the taste of victory.”
And the longer it took, the more time she’d spend with Azriel- the more excuses for physical contact they’d have. And to touch those muscles- nope, that was definitely not why she wanted to train with him.
Tags: @st4r-girl-official @judig92 @5onedirection5 @nayaniasworld @blackgirlmagicforever @stained-glass-eyes0708 @slytherintaco @aehllita @nebarious @t0uch-starved-h0e @bravo-delta-eccho @sylvermoon @going-through-shit @latinxbipride @i-am-infinite @azrielrot @fuckingsimp4azriel @theravenphoenix26 @hanatsuki-hime @fantanbietsson @rcarbo1 @weasleymagic @secretsicanthideanymore @spymaster03 @elaselat @minnieoo @noisyinfluencerstrawberry @daughterofthemoons-stuff @jojodojo02 @questionmymentality @romantasyreader28 @cassie-at-college-blog @dabiloverphoenix @hippop345 @fan-of-many-bands @freefalls06-blog @yesiamthatwierd @ms-dont-care
#acotar#azriel#azriel x reader#acotar x reader#acotar fic#azriel x y/n#acotar x y/n#acotar imagine#azriel series#azriel x oc#acosf#azriel fanfic#azriel imagine#azriel ff#azriel acotar#acotar angst#acotar fluff#azriel angst#azriel fluff#acotar x oc#acotar fanfiction#cassian
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Homelander x F!Reader||Oasis||


Warning: This contains mature and sensitive content. View discretion is advised. Insight: Reader is currently in the middle of a divorce process. Word gets out that a beautiful employee is single. Next thing she knows is a certain supe finds her interesting. I will be writing most of it in 2nd person, but at some point I will switch to 3rd person to feel more comfortable. Part 2 is out.
Over the past few weeks you have been living in a hotel room. After your husband had waited for you to get home from work with papers for a divorce, you have been a mess. Every day you went to work as nothing had happened and every time you left work. You found yourself crying in your hotel bed with a tub of ice cream. If anyone saw you like this, your reputation would be all over the place. Thankfully you show up to work with that ring still on your finger and act normal.
That was till you accidentally let it slip out about your divorce. Your work friends have invited you for dinner and to bring your husband. Feeling as though you owe them the truth you tell them how he won't show. Which began the peer pressure till you blurted out something along the lines of separation. Hearing such information didn't stay under wraps for long. A day went by before the whispers began. You had everything and then your husband turned his back on you. Rumors began to spread of possible infidelity. The office life that usually consisted of looking at ratings and delivering information became avoiding eyes and staying at your desk.
The next couple of days turned into seclusion. You feared the judgement from all the eyes on you at work. It felt almost suffocating as you worked your best and dealt with the constant judgement. Day after day became a blur until one of your work friends tapped you on the shoulder. It nearly startled you out of your shoes.
"Yes?" You asked faintly as though there was no air in your lungs.
"Have you heard, apparently you are the talk anymore for the men here. Some keep asking me for your number." Your friend explains as a smile was on her lips and a small blush on her cheeks. "Maybe I should get a divorce myself with the amount of attention you are getting."
Attention, attraction, what is even happening. You had believed that everyone was blaming you for the end of your marriage. Which only stung for why it really was ending. But for now you had some weight off your shoulders. You can now walk around like normal.
"Also you should stop wearing your ring, I gives the men the wrong idea." Your friend send shortly before walking off.
You glance at your ring and felt the metal become heavier. It was weird, you never wanted to take it off. You promised to never take it off. It was a symbol of hope for you. A symbol that maybe, just maybe, you can fix things.
Unfortunately that was not important right now. You needed to work and that you did. Slowly days hours passed by and you started to feel normal. Well normal in the sense that you can walk around and deliver files again. There was something new in the air. Interest and intrigued eyes followed your figure as you walked by. More and more men took on opening a door for you, holding the elevator, and even buying your coffee or tea. It was like your work life started to get lighter and make you feel less horrible about staying at a hotel and having to prolong your divorce. You felt lost the moment you left work.
Your hours started to become longer. Start earlier. At this point people believed you lived at the company with how much time you spend there. Though late one night you were the last person in the office. You stayed as long as you could since you knew the papers waited on your hotel floor waiting for your signature. Your husband has threatened you with legal actions if you didn't sign soon. So you were purposefully avoiding it.
You moved slower than a sloth to the elevator. Your hand reaching for the button to call the metal lift. Click. The button lights up as you wait. You wished it would break and then you would be stuck on this floor. No way did you wish to leave at this point. Ding. The door slid open and to your surprise there was someone there. Blonde hair, blue eyes, navy suit, red boots and gloves, and American flag cape. Homelander, which made less of a surprise since the Seven love in the tower, but where was he off to? You enter the elevator and you felt those crystal eyes follow you. At this point it was nothing new, but you still felt the curious looks people gave you. The door slowly closed before he spoke up.
"You must be the talk of the tower. The beautiful woman living at her desk." His words kind in tone, but took on a form of criticism.
"Is that what they call me now." You said a little self conscious.
"Don't want to go home to see the children?"
"No, I don't have kids. I want some, but..."
You stopped speaking as the painful reminder rolled over you. You haven't told anyone about the real reason for the divorce. It was so personal that it hurt to even think let alone mention.
"Dried up?" Homelander's voice cut through the silence and made your stomach turn from the personal attack.
"What? No!" Your voice raised by mistake. "Sorry sir. Your comment just- it is not appropriate." You explain.
"What does it matter? You won't see me often and of course I will get to hear you since you are all the rave." He slowly turns, swiping the emergency button that stopped the elevator. "What makes you so, popular." He almost sounded angered like you stole his light.
"I-I...I am going through a divorce." Is all you could get out as you back up against the elevator wall.
Homelander gets close to you and rests a hand just next to your head. It trapped you further on this elevator with the most dangerous man.
"Why?"
You look confused as to why he asked. Though you don't want to chance not making it another day."My husband and I wanted kids, but I-I..." Your voice cracks and you tremble as you tried to recover yourself.
"I couldn't get pregnant. We had ourselves checked and everything was fine, but I couldn't get pregnant." You finally said as you knew deep down the more detailed truth.
In bed you were always neglected. Your husband's hands, mouth, and even package was lacking in putting you over. You tried so hard to find a way to reach the end, but he would finish and you were left to take care of yourself. Even then it was not satisfactory. It was like your sex drive was widdled down to nothing and so you were left numb to all his sexual advances. Your husband only brought the divorce after you confessed he didn't get you off. It offended him so much that he just ended things, not even try to make up for the years of restless nights and desperate moments of relief.
"So instead of your husband doing his husbandly duties, he just dumped inside and then left you." He lifts his other hand and gently runs a finger along your check, jaw, neck, and then stopped at the cut in your shirt that barely exposed the soft flesh of your chest.
Even in a moment of fear there was arousal. The heat that has been painfully reminded you of the unfinished times with your husband. Your heart beating quicker as the alluring tension the hero put on you.
"Such a shame~" his breath whispered as he leaned towards your ear. "I wonder if you would explode from just my touch."
You let out a whimper as you put your hands on his chest. You pushed against it, but he did not move. "Please sir. I have not signed the divorce yet. He will take me to court if-"
"If you slept with me or if I just touched you. How would he know when you are never seen with me."
"But I stay late, there is probable cause to an affair." You quickly state even as your heat seeked his touch. His hand hovering just above your chest. "Please I can not do that."
Homelander was silent as he pulled back and stepped back. It was like he understood, but was pissed off by your denial of his advances. He turned away and pressed the button to let the elevator continue. He waits not saying anything as the silence grinds against you. It was horrible, you felt like you couldn't even breathe without starting something you won't be able to stop.
Ding
The doors open and Homelander leaves first. He stops just outside of the elevator. His eyes serious as he looks to you. Your form still pressed right against the wall. "Sign the papers. Then come find me." He ordered as the door closed leaving you with a smirk playing on his face.
You sigh deeply as you didn't realize you were holding your breath. The interaction was startling, awful, and yet you wanted to happen again. The feeling of something so wrong felt so right. He probably could tell how tense you are. Word is that all his senses were strong, meaning he probably could hear and smell your hot and bothered body. It was so exciting. More exciting than being wanted by the men in your office.
Ding
You jump as you realized you made it to the main floor to leave. Your thoughts scattered just as you were getting yourself together. You quickly leave the elevator to head home. Your mind wondering back to that moment. It was so much and all you wanted to to be back there. To have done something. To throw yourself as a man who promised you something you couldn't have with your husband. It was wrong.
Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong! You slam your hotel door. The walk and taxi to the shabby hotel room was a blur. He filled your thoughts like a serpent coiling around your body. The painful reality is you wanted what he offered. So far you have denied all the men who have tried to approach you and yet this one forced his way to you. Captured you. Breathed a sense of life into you. It was all you wanted.
You move quickly to the paper on the floor. Grabbing them all up and putting them on the bed. You grab a pen from the night stand and began to check, sign, and print every empty spot till the very last line. You hesitant realizing you are signing away the marriage you loved. Signing away the man you loved even if he couldn't please you in bed. You wanted to save it. You wanted to keep it. Maybe on last chance... You picked up your phone and dial your husband. It rang a few times before he picked up.
"Did you sign the papers." His question sounds like a statement.
You froze as you felt a lump in your throat. "Please, is there anyway we can fix this. Therapy, counciling, anything." You whimper as you beg for a second chance.
"No, I won't be doing any of that. You hurt me. Led me to believe I took care of you. You betrayed me."
"Then maybe you can be with someone else while we still are together. I can be-"
"Hell no! I won't let anyone touch you if we are to stay married. I don't want someone's sloppy seconds when I need more. Either sign or I will see you in court."
The call ended and you felt tears burning in your eyes. You felt the weight of your phone as you began to sob. Your tears running down your cheeks and onto the papers in your lap. The tears damping the paper as you grab the pen now and sign your name on the last line. The feeling setting in more that it was over.
#the boys#homelander#john gillman#short story#creative writing#writing#homelander x reader#homelander x you#the homelander#homelander the boys
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Are You Sure?! - Episode 7 Observations
9.5/10 ☆
Something clicked for me in the latest AYS?! episode. After years of following these two people and getting excited for any interaction or information regarding them, it was now perhaps the first time when watching them felt like not witnessing something special. Oh, I know how this sounds, but it's not what you think and I will explain.
When I say it didn't feel special I meant that nothing felt like a novelty. You know how shocked and excited we all became when Jimin called Jungkook during a birthday wlive? Or the collective metaphorical screaming on social media every time one would get close into the other one's space in some behind the scenes clip? That reaction for me was also a result of having to see that in a larger context in which jikook were not always the main focus.
Now with AYS?! and seven episodes in, I'm used to basically everything. The evening and morning routine, the soft talking, the flirting, the playfighting, the way they eat together. The nakedness and all the tattoos on display. I've developed a tolerance to it. And episode 7 really helped in cementing that. Yeah, they're half naked in a hot spring. Of course they are. They're brushing their teeth and do their morning skincare routine together. Of course they are. Jungkook buys the snacks and Jimin is in charge of feeding him. Of course. They laugh at the same things and everything is funny when they're together. Of course they do. They're playfighting again? Why would anyone be surprised at this point?


And I love that we got here. It's everything I wanted without ever thinking that it could be possible. It is extremely satisfying and fun to watch them. It has always been, but AYS?! was an open window into their lives together in a way that it hadn't happened before.
Sapporo is a special segment for many reasons. And as much as it's fun to see them have a good time, the impending military enlistment looms like a shadow over their trip. Jungkook is the one who seems intentional in talking about it in a way that makes light of the situation, while Jimin is more on the silent side.
But all this inevitably made me think of a downside. Because how am I suppose to go back to waiting for an aknowledged look while Jimin and Jungkook would sit at opposite ends in an interview setting? Or not doing a wlive together? Getting minimal interactions because there's 5 other people there? It would feel like something is not right. Jimin and Jungkook come in a package and they do everything together. They laugh and never get bored together. Jungkook cooks for Jimin while Jimin fills the exact needed space and purpose in that kitchen. Jimin can talk about learning to snowboard with Jungkook's friends and that conversation to remain between them and no one else. They can take showers together and then act like stupid boys in some endurance contest in the freezing water and it's their own thing and theirs only.

AYS?! Sapporo is bittersweet. For Jimin and Jungkook because as much fun they have, they know that their remaining time of freedom is getting to a close. Snow is beautiful there and they are together, but in a few weeks whatever sentiment that might evoke will be in the back of their minds when their reality will be completely different. That's why making those last minute memories together was so important. And they knew that and Jungkook felt the need to say it out loud. Like a constant reminder of how special those few days were.
And it's bittersweet for me too. While there's always the option of rewatching, who knows when such an opportunity (and privilege) will arise once again? Maybe never. Maybe AYS?! will be the first and last time to be able to take a peak through that window at their life...
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I know you most likely loathe this question. And probably get asked a 100xs a week. If you don't answer I get it. As a veteran what is the absolute one thing now that gives you faith that H&L are going strong? Just one thing? As a newbie I don't get to see all the fonding and proofs in real time and I just have to choose to believe or not with the information presented. For someone like you who was in the forefront and no longer get anything but "coding " and " blue greening" or just the same tiny bread crumbs we all get.. do you have just one thing that keeps you here?.. much love to you and thank you for always being the voice of common sense 😘
I don’t mind the question—it’s fair, especially from someone just getting into all of this. But I don’t think I approach it in the way you might expect. What keeps me here is more about the fact that I still care about Harry and Louis, I still enjoy their music, and I’m really attached to the comforting routine that comes from being part of a fandom and a community. Chatting with friends, checking in on what’s happening, it’s just part of my day-to-day now.. even when I'm not as active.
As for larry and the “proofs”… that honestly hasn’t been a big part of it for me in a long time. I know it feels different for some people, but so much of what made larry significant was living through it, it was so intense, layered, and deeply felt in real time. So I never really felt the need to constantly “renew” my beliefs, like they had some kind of expiration date. Once it settled for me, it just was. And truthfully, when you look beneath the surface, very little has actually changed. Sure, it’s not like the early years when there were obvious interactions and public moments, but I still notice the same kinds of patterns and inconsistencies, especially when it comes to PR and public narratives. And ironically, that’s not what keeps me here. If anything, that part can feel repetitive and exhausting after a while.
What does stick with me is the history of it all, though. Everything we went through as a fandom, how important it felt at the time to support them and what they were facing. It really meant a lot to me, and I think it mattered to them too. So what’s left now is mostly nostalgia, emotional attachment, and the good memories. And honestly, sometimes that’s enough... and sometimes it’s not. So I step back for a while, until I feel like coming back again. Just for a little bit, or for however long feels right.
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Part One Of Summer Love: ‘Camp Wookiee’

series masterlist celebration event camp logo
pairing: Modern!Anakin Skywalker x fem!reader
word count: 11.4k Next part
in hindsight, you probably should have been listening to what the camp director, Bail; was saying. in your defense no one else was, which you would later find out was because they've all heard the same speech, rules, and warnings a dozen times already.
you were busy scanning over all the faces on the screen- well the ones who had their cameras on anyway. each person you'd seen so far was shockingly attractive, a few people in particular caught your eye. A girl, Padme Amidala. A boy, Ben Kenobi. and lastly the executive director who was simply watching Bail speak to make sure it was done correctly, Qui-Gon Jinn.
the only thing that snapped you out of your admiration was the sound of your phone pinging, thankfully you were muted. glancing at your phone you saw the contact belonging to your best friend Honey and made the instant decision that she was far more important than what was happening on the Zoom call.
so you not so secretly reached for the mouse and clicked the camera button off, relaxing when you knew no one could see you anymore.
'how's the call going?' her first message read, followed by 'anyone cute on the staff 👀' making you snort.
you lean back in your chair while you type back 'i think it may be a requirement to be at least an 8/10 just to get hired’ you watch as three dots appear on the corner of the phone screen.
'well it's a good thing you're absolutely stunning 😚' you read when her message finally sent and you can't help but smile big. you loved this girl, she always knew what to say to make your day brighter even on an already sunny day.
you're about to text back when the Camp Director's words finally get your attention "And i think that's everything you'll need to know! now if you have any questions feel free to message me or Qui-gon Jinn privately. though i would like to remind you all, most of the basic information you need can be found directly on the Camps Website." shit you really should have been paying attention, they were supposed to went over the different roles that would be at the camp more in-depth during this call.
like hell you'd reach out to either of them privately and admit you weren't listening though, you bite your lower lip and slink back into your chair. "We look forward to welcoming you all to Camp Wookiee in person, see you in two weeks" Qui-Gon says right before ending the Zoom call leaving you staring at your computer screen blankly. fuck.
╚═*.·:·.✧ ✦✧.·:·.*═╝
in the end it was Honey who had helped you calm down from the freak out you had after the Zoom call, and two weeks went by faster than you thought it would.
you still had a day before you had to be at the camp but because of how far you lived you planned on leaving within the next couple of hours.
"i think you need to calm down" Honey says from where she's sat on your bed, she'd been watching you run around her and haphazardly chuck things into your suitcase that you knew you'd need based on the email that was sent out last week on what would be supplied for you at the camp.
"i'm calm" you rush out while running a hand through your hair, pushing down the slight panic you felt in your chest. man you really should have paid attention on that call.
"you're going to be fiiiine, i doubt they'll kick you out of the camp for something as small as not paying attention during a Zoom meeting- that wasn't even mandatory by the way" to her credit she makes some good points, however the zoom meeting was highly encouraged for newcomers and you fall in that category.
“it's not like they're going to quiz you y/n" you let out a groan at her words whilst shoving the last of the items you needed in your suitcase and zipping it up.
"i know, i know- i just don't want to seem irresponsible" you huff while plopping down on the bed next to her. "or embarrass myself because i probably missed a massive amount of information" definitely missed a massive amount of information more like- the call was an hour long…
"whatever they told you in the call they'll definitely go over again at the Camp, we've been over this." Honey reaches over and lightly pinches your arm making you laugh as you pull away. "and before you say 'we don't know that for sure' we do know that for sure because it's supposed to be a staff of forty and only fifteen of you were actually on the call" she raises a pointed brow and you let out a sigh knowing she's right.
"okay, i'll try my best to not panic the whole ride to the camp" you say with a half smile, standing up and stretching. "i should probably leave now if i wanna get there on time tomorrow" you mumble glancing at the time on your phone, 8:30 pm.
"are you sure you don't want me to drive you? i just don't think it's wise to be driving all night and then be exhausted for the actual first day there" she'd already offered at least ten times and you'd already declined what felt like a dozen more.
"i'm sure, worst case i'll be a little sleepy but it's not like i'll be taking care of the campers the first day. staff has to show up a week before to get more comfortable in their roles" you say confidently, it was the one piece of info you did learn from the Zoom call before you started drooling over how attractive each member of the staff was.
"mhm, well i'll carry your pillow for you" she said while making a kissy face at you jokingly.
"awww thanks, how generous of you to leave the heavy stuff for me to carry" you say with a roll of your eyes as you begin to lug your suitcase down the stairs.
"really? no thank you kiss" Honey feigns hurt before snatching your pillow off your bed and quickly catching up to you.
"all of my kisses are reserved for my future love" you joke, and Honey purposely bumps into you with her hip before you can get to the door making you sway ever so slightly.
"lame, no boy deserves your love- they all suck" fair point you had to admit, honestly you only signed up to work at the camp for the social interaction. the most you plan is to have a hallway crush on one of the staff members just to save you from boredom and then forget about said crush as soon as you return home in the fall.
you pop the trunk of your car while Honey locks up your shared house. she was going back home for the summer to visit family, not wanting to be left completely alone for months on end and become a statistic. her words, not yours.
"i guess this is goodbye" she says with a finality to it, putting on her best sad voice. you laugh as she throws the pillow she was holding in the trunk and closes it.
"you make it sound like i’m dying or leaving forever" the drama from this girl, it’s not like you’re much better though. she fake sniffles and places a hand on her forehead putting on her best damsel in distress performance.
"my love is going off to war and she jokes as if she isn't leaving me for two months" there’s a smile peaking through as she speaks and you can't help but laugh, throwing your arms around her in a hug.
"i love you so much, i don't know how i’m going to survive without you" you say half joking as you go along with her antics. truth be told, you really don't know how you're going to survive without her. you both spend just about every second of every day in each other's company and even when you aren't you message so much you might as well be hanging out in person anyway.
you checked the Camp's Website before you applied and know that they do have wifi for staff and the kids mostly in case of emergencies, but just because there is wifi doesn't mean it's good wifi. it's the middle of the woods after all, you'll be lucky if photos even go through.
you both pull apart with matching toothy grins on your faces. "text me when you get to the camp?" Honey asks and you nod knowing she just wants to make sure you get there safe.
"of course, text me when you get to your parent's house?" you watch her smile grow wider while opening the car door.
"always" she responds while you climb in and buckle. "see you in two months" she shouts once the door is closed, you roll the window down and she pokes her head and arms through so you can both share one last slightly awkward hug.
"see you in two months, don't forget me while i'm gone" you say with an exaggerated pout as she pulls out of the window, standing a few steps back from the car so you can pull out of the parking lot properly.
"how could i forget a face like that" you hear her say as you roll the window back up, blasting the air conditioner.
╚═*.·:·.✧ ✦✧.·:·.*═╝
the actual drive to Camp Wookiee wasn't too bad, you know excluding the fact you were up all night. but every negative has a positive, the positive of this being you managed to make it to the camp an hour before you needed to be.
turning onto the gravel road sent a chill up your back, a mix of excitement and nerves. the yawn that exited your mouth showing the exact opposite of that though and the closer you get to the end of the drive the more tired you realize you are. you make a mental note to take a nap once you've parked.
pushing down another yawn as you pull into the staff parking area you immediately do a double take and decide against a nap not even a minute later. there were five cars already parked side by side, and a group of people standing in front of one just chatting.
you only recognized one of them because he was on the Zoom call, Ben Kenobi at least that's who you think it was. It'd been two weeks so maybe you were mixing up names. either way, you avoid making accidental eye contact with any of them making sure to focus entirely on parking in a straight line.
now to sit in the car and pretend like you hadn't been seen or to get out and greet the four men? you ask yourself with your hand hovering over the keys, debating whether to turn off the engine.
you look at your side mirror taking in the three men you didn't recognize. all tall- one of them was bald, another with a blonde buzzcut and lastly a boy with curly sandy blonde hair, you couldn't see his face though.
he was turned completely towards the man who you were pretty sure was Ben. after weighing your options you decided staying inside the car seemed like the best option compared to meeting four men at once.
you'd rather run into four bears, after all you didn't know what kind of people they were and you certainly didn't want to find out by yourself. maybe when more staff got here you'd be braver, in the meantime you shift your hand from hovering over the keys to the volume knob. turning up the music ever so slightly to drown out any chatter you may hear and leaning back in the seat, unbuckling yourself just to be a little more comfortable.
you look out the windshield taking in the beauty of the forest, the green from the trees reflecting slightly onto your car thanks to the sun. it was serene but short-lived as you jump from someone knocking on your window.
"sorry didn't mean to startle you" Ben said carefully as you rolled down the window. "we saw you pull in and realized you must be the new girl" he said while pointing his thumb over his shoulder, clearly referring to the three men he was originally standing with.
"new girl… like singular?" you blink confused, wouldn't there be other new girls- oh no what if you were the only new girl and the rest of the new staff were all guys?? you felt a bubble of panic begin to brew in your stomach.
"well new worker in general, everyone else working this year are returning Staff from last year." well that's almost worse, at least if it was only guys you'd still have a chance to befriend people. the staff all already knowing each other meant they'd already formed their clicks leaving you to fight for a way in. so much for joining the camp for social interactions, looks like the most educated conversation you'll be having is with some 10-year-old about whatever cartoon they're into.
you press your lips into a thin line before forcing a small polite smile. "my name is y/n" you extend your hand to him and he shakes it with a somewhat firm grip.
"Ben Kenobi, don't suppose you want to come with us onto the actual campgrounds?" you knit your brows together in confusion, turning to the clock thinking your car might have fucked up again and given you the wrong time. Ben seems to read your mind though, letting out a soft laugh before speaking up. "you're not late if that's what you're wondering. Windu is one of the camp directors, he's been setting up since 7:00 o’clock this morning along with Jinn. as long as they're here we're allowed on campgrounds even before the official start time."
okay so maybe Honey’s gotten into your head with all of her true crime stories. you relax at his explanation, reaching over and turning off your engine. "yea i'd appreciate that because i have no clue where i’m supposed to go in all honesty." he nods, taking a step back so you can climb out of the car. it felt nice being able to finally stretch out your legs after the long drive.
"i'll introduce you to everyone. Come on, oh and you can leave your stuff in the car for now. you won't know which cabin to put it in until later anyway." you give a small hum of acknowledgment and lock the car behind you before following after him.
as soon as you came to a stop in front of everyone all eyes were on you, maybe it was the height differences but you honestly felt like a little kid. "this is Windu, one of the camp directors" Ben introduces and when he politely offers you his hand with a somewhat stern look you shake it.
"don't let him scare you, he's nicer than he looks. his face is just stuck like that" you turn your head to whoever made the jab; the boy with sandy blond hair. his eyes are a beautiful shade of blue and he wore a smug smile on his face- he was probably the prettiest boy you'd ever seen.
you want to laugh but aren't sure if it'd be appropriate considering the man he was making fun of was your boss, but when Windu just rolls his eyes with a sigh you get the idea that this is a normal occurrence around here.
"I'm Anakin" he introduces himself and sticks out his hand for you to shake, you shyly take it and his hand engulf yours. there was a confidence to him you noticed or maybe an arrogance but who were you to judge someone you just met?
"ignore him y/n, he's an idiot who'd probably turn up late if he hadn't carpooled with me" Ben interjects pulling your attention away from Anakin, your hands slipping from each other in the process.
"hey i'm never late" He denies but judging from the smile on his face and the lack of actual sincerity in his voice you could tell he didn't even believe himself.
"yes you are and the only times you're not is when i drive you" Ben says with a roll of his eyes and Anakin throws his hands up in defense. you can't help but smile, holding back a laugh as you watch the two interact. it was clear just how close the two were from how they bantered but the fact they carpooled together confirmed it for you.
"I'm Rex" the last man spoke up, he had a small smile on his face, one that seemed endearing like he too enjoyed watching Anakin and Ben's dynamic.
"like a T-Rex?" you ask jokingly, it felt like the natural thing to do. if they all could tease each other who's to say you can't either; when Anakin let out a snort followed by a few snickers which then morphed into genuine laughter when he saw Rex's disgruntled face you felt like you'd made the right choice.
Rex rolled his eyes but smiled after shoving Anakin away. "looks like you're gonna fit right in here y/n" he said while crossing his arms, and you couldn't help but beam.
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so much for fear of having to fight a way in, you'd spent the last hour just getting to know Ben, Anakin and Rex. Windu had to go back to actually helping prep with Jinn and Bail.
throughout the hour more people had shown up and made their introductions to you, and as it turns out everyone got along with each other. well in their own way, there was definitely some not-so-secret animosity between some people but they didn't let it interfere with the general welcoming feel of the whole camp.
eventually, the introductions stopped and the only reason you got anyone's name was because Ben whispered them over to you.
"good morning everyone!" the chatter throughout the room quickly died down as Qui-Gon Jinn's voice echoed throughout the Log Hall. "i'm going to make this brief since all of you have heard this speech before" you felt your stomach drop, right everyone working this year was returning staff besides you.
so much for Honey's 'remain calm because they'll go over it again for the people who didn't show up on the call' advice. despite the fear you couldn't wait to text Honey and say 'i told you my fears were valid' the second you got to the room you'd be staying in.
"Today is all about settling in, so don't get too worried that we're putting you to work immediately." he said with a smile and teasing tone. if only it had the calming effect he'd intended it to have.
"Mace Windu has posted all of the info about where you will be staying, who you'll be bunking with, and which cabins you'll be responsible for on the wall over there" He motions to where Windu is standing on the opposite end of the lodge and Windu waves back.
it was pretty clear that most of this speech was meant for you and you alone given the fact that everyone else was on their phones or having hushed conversations. it made your cheeks flush slightly but you were internally grateful.
"additional camp roles are next to your names on the roster as well, and remember campers will be arriving Monday morning next week. in the meantime relax, enjoy yourselves, get used to the environment and we will see you for dinner at 5:00" he finishes with a clap of his hands, and the room erupts into loud chatter again.
"i wonder who y/n will be partnered with, she's the outlier" Rex questioned out loud, you angle yourself in his direction and he begins to clarify himself. "we've had the same partners for the last two years." you quirk a brow wondering how that's going to work, with you here there was an odd number of counselors.
"they're putting us counselors in groups of three this year" Ben states, he seems to always manages to answer your unasked questions. "i asked Jinn a few weeks ago when i heard they were hiring a new staff member."
Anakin rolls his eyes from his seat beside you, why he chose to sit there instead of spacing out more like Rex and Ben did you weren't sure; but the small heat radiating from his thigh onto yours and the tickle of his skin every time his arm brushed against you kept you from wanting to voice the question out loud.
"of course you asked, honestly i don't get why you don't just apply for a position as Camp director yet" Anakin huffed and you bit back a smile.
"if i did that you'd be out of a ride, Camp directors arrive even earlier than counselors." he retorts.
"aww you really care about me" Anakin joked, putting a hand over his heart and laying it on thick. you couldn't help the giggle that bubbled out of you and could only wonder if this is how people felt when watching you and Honey interact with one another.
Anakin turned towards you looking happy just to have made you laugh. you could get used to his attention on you that's for sure, looks like you found that hallway crush for the summer.
"i think you're partnered up with Padme" Ben says effectively interrupting whatever moment you and Anakin were having. you remember that name, she was the girl you had admired on the Zoom call- natural beauty that's for sure.
you had a feeling you two would get along, what you didn't like however was the feeling you got when you noticed Anakin light up more than you thought humanly possible just at the mere mention of her name. shit.
"oh here he goes" Ben says as Anakin begins to rant about just how gorgeous and amazing Padme is, Anakin just continues like he didn't hear him say anything at all. "he's had a crush on her since his first year working at the camp" Ben says directly towards you, the information not news to Rex.
this just served as another reminder that you were the only new person working at the camp this year, what a shame too. you could get over it though, you'd only known Anakin for what? a little over an hour maybe. at the very least you two had a good connection so friends it was.
you hadn't noticed but you started to resign yourself from the conversation as Anakin went on and on about Padme making Ben and Rex tease him even more. voices blurred together and you found yourself completely tuning out the world around you- maybe this was going to be a little harder than you thought.
a tap on your shoulder tethered you back to reality, you turned completely to see who was trying to get your attention.
had she somehow gotten even prettier in person? Padme stood behind you with her long curly brunette hair pulled back into a ponytail to keep it out of her face and off her neck. she was wearing her camp Issued T-shirt already, it was cream-colored with the Camp Wookiee logo right in the middle.
"hey! I'm Padme" she says with a smile extending her hand. her smile was perfect and made you feel guilty somehow, how could you feel negative about someone who seemed as sweet as they were beautiful? you shake her hand whilst mirroring the same smile on her face.
"i'm y/n, it's nice to meet you" all you could think was that her and Anakin certainly would make the most stunning couple. if he had a crush on her since his first year did she just not realize or not care.
the latter made your heart flutter with hope which you quickly shoved down with disgust at just how quickly you managed to crush on him. Honey would be so disappointed in you or eat up every second of this, probably both knowing her.
"sorry if this is kind of random but i just checked the roster and saw that we were partnered up. well you, me and Jasmine but she's already headed to the cabin we'll be staying at and responsible for." she spoke with a sugar-sweet tone, not the kind that made you feel sick to the stomach; when she spoke it was genuine kindness not a single ounce of malice to be found. "i was going to head there now but figured you might want to walk with me since i'd be easier than finding it yourself. trust me the signposts can get confusing quickly."
"that would be amazing, thank you so much" you say while standing up. you hadn't noticed the silence coming from the three boys until Rex and Ben finally spoke up to say their goodbyes to you.
Anakin seemed a bit awestruck by Padme's presence alone, it was kind of funny to see. you give him a knowing look while simultaneously pushing down that nasty taste that began to cling to the back of your throat. he smiled thankfully not noticing any changes in your behavior and gave you a soft goodbye of his own.
"come on, i'll help you carry your stuff from your car." Padme said and began leading the way out of the hall.
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a groan of relief leaves your body as you finally plop down on the bed in the cabin. your spine burns with pain before melting into comfort as you relax all the muscles in your body.
the part of the cabin you were staying in wasn't super spacious but it was cozy, there were two bunk beds and to your surprise, Padme and Jasmine chose separate bunks. maybe they weren't close but you still figure they'd rather bunk together than with a stranger or maybe they both just wanted the top bunk and that's the actual reason they didn't choose the same one, you didn't bother asking.
you went with the bottom bunk of Padme's, you may not know either of the girls but at least she'd gone out of her way to help you find the cabin and explain how everything was going to work.
according to Padme, there are a bunch of different cabins all with different names. the one you'd be staying at was called Naboo, Anakin and Ben were at the Coruscant cabin, Rex was staying at the Alderaan cabin.
each cabin has the same layout; there's the staff cabin room where the counselors stay which is directly connected to the room where the campers will be staying because it's easier to supervise them that way. then there's a bathroom with multiple stalls and a shower room for everyone in the cabin to use. simple really but not like you needed anything fancy.
the staff cabin room itself has two dressers to be shared amongst whoever's staying there, you and Padme were sharing one and Jasmine had the other dresser too herself. you didn't mind, both you and Padme were pretty conscious about the space you took up so you both managed to fit everything you brought into one out of the two long drawers.
you turn your head to look over at Jasmine, she was beautiful. she had fine long black hair and hazel eyes that seemed to lean more green in the shitty cabin light. your joke with Honey about being at least an 8/10 to be hired was not really feeling like a joke anymore. speaking of Honey, you really should text her.
just as you're about to pull out your phone Padme walks back into the room; she'd left to use the bathroom after helping you settle in. you smile at her when you both make eye contact and she's quick to plop down on the edge of the bed next to you.
Maybe you were imagining it but there felt like a small tension in the air, not between you and Padme but between her and Jasmine. perhaps it was the way Jasmine furrowed her brows the second Padme entered the room or the way she turned to face the wall and focus extra hard on her phone but something was definitely off- lots of puzzle pieces you itched to put together.
"so y/n" she started and you sat up to make more room on the bed before she continued. she happily took up the silent offer, moving to sit properly in the middle so you guys could face each other criss-cross applesauce. "what brings you to Camp Wookiee?" ah so this is going to go the 21 questions route, sorry Honey looks like you're not getting updates anytime soon.
"i just thought it would be fun and a good way to meet new people" plus the pay at this camp in particular was extremely good but you weren't going to say that out loud.
"well good news the people here are great" you swear she mumbled 'some more than others' at the end of that.
"anybody you'd recommend i avoid?" you ask unable to brush it off.
"i-" you watch as her eyes briefly flutter over to Jasmine before she clears her throat and locks eyes with you again. "i'm not sure that's my place to say, but i can say you've done a pretty good job so far of choosing who to hang out with." that was genuine and so was that tension you sensed earlier.
"Anakin, Ben and Rex you mean?" she nods while leaning back onto her hands a bit, letting whatever negative thoughts she held towards the third person in the room roll off her shoulders.
you and Padme clicked pretty quickly after that, and throughout your talk you learned what you'd be in charge of once the campers arrived. you'd be partnered with Anakin and Rex at the arts and crafts center which you were a little bit more excited for than you'd care to admit. she was in charge of the zip line course this year along with Ben, the three camp directors deemed them both the most responsible which seemed to check out.
time seemed to fly talking with her, she had an easygoing air about her that made conversation flow naturally- what on earth could Jasmine have done to make someone like that not like her? weird.
you decided that you'd make it your mission to find out after you discovered she shared the same favorite dessert with you, followed by your favorite book. after all someone with as good a taste as that has to have a valid reason not to like another person.
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you both kept chatting while walking side by side to the Log Hall for dinner with Jasmine not far behind. when you enter the Hall you're flagged down by the boys almost immediately.
"you can go sit with them" Padme said after realizing where you were looking.
"you don't wanna sit with them?" you ask curiously as you both move into the food line.
"i don't mind it.." she trails off while grabbing an apple to put on her tray.
"but you'd rather not." you finish her sentence for her. "i thought you said they were good people?" she hands you a pudding cup with a reassuring smile when she reads the confusion and worry on your face.
"they are, i'd just prefer to spend my time with my friends" she says while pointing with her chin to a group of girls on the opposite side of the hall. "you're welcome to join me, i just figured you'd want to be with them." she shrugs her shoulders, the choice was up to you.
you go through the rest of the line stuck in an internal debate as your tray fills up. it's not that you didn't want to sit with the boys, just you really wanted to sit with Padme and maybe you'd get along well with her friends; but then again the boys clearly wanted you to sit with them.
already having to pick sides and you're not even a full day in yet, you had to fight off the urge to audibly sigh.
"any chance your friends would move tables?" the question tumbled out of your mouth before you could think twice. was it rude to ask that? too late now.
"maybe tomorrow" she offered, and you couldn't help but frown. it was a perfectly reasonable answer just not the one you were hoping for.
"no it's okay actually, i'll just sit with you guys." this time she frowned.
"y/n i promise i won't be offended if you wanna go sit with them instead of me" she said with a laugh half teasing half sincere.
"i knoooww, but i wanna sit with all of you guys" you grumble, ever the indecisive person and always the people pleaser.
"okay then how about the boys come sit with us" you raise a brow as she turns to them, waves and then points to her table. they get the idea and stand up with their trays, you feel a little guilty for having them move but they didn't seem to mind at all.
there's a bit of an awkwardness at first as both groups learn to navigate around each other. you notice pretty quickly how almost polar opposite the boys are from Padme's friends. her friends were as calm and easygoing as her, the boys were full of energy and teasing- well Ben and Rex seemed to be able to reign it in a lot more than Anakin. which to be fair they already had calmer vibes than him anyway.
"she's great right?" Anakin asked you quietly with a nudge of his elbow. he chose to sit next to you again, there was plenty of space for him on the bench to scooch down but it didn't seem like he was aware of that. more likely he was and simply put just didn't care. you raise a brow, "Padme" he added quickly before you could ask.
there's that taste again. you push it down, taking a scoop out of your pudding cup as you nod "yea she is, we get along well too" you answer honestly making sure to sound more enthusiastic than you felt.
the blinding smile he gives you at the confession makes you wish you'd chosen to just sit with the girls alone. pitiful. "what're you two whispering about?" Padme asks with a smile and a look in her eyes that you couldn't decipher.
"just about how great it's gonna be working in the crafts center together, Rex is going to hate us by the end of camp" Anakin answers for the both of you, the lie rolling off his tongue naturally.
"going to? who's to say i don't already" Rex says with a cross of his arms and Anakin rolls his eyes.
"hey what'd i do?" you frown and Rex smiles.
"the first thing you did was compare me to a T-Rex" he defends his prior statement.
"i did no such thing!" you say through a laugh.
he points at you accusingly before saying "like a T-Rex?" in a high-pitched tone mocking you, you can't even take offense because he sounds so unserious.
"i don't sound like that Rex" you snicker only for Anakin to cut in.
"you're right, you sound more like this" he says while pinching his nose to sound nasally and you punch him in the arm. "ow, she hit me!" he says in artificial pain acting like you truly wounded him as he rubs the spot you punched.
"i definitely don't sound like that" you huff and Padme backs you up.
"hmm i'm probably mixing it up with Rex's voice then" he says smugly and Rex kicks him from under the table, judging from the wince he lets out it must have truly hurt unlike your punch.
"no kicking" Ben chastises Rex and Anakin decides no one is safe as he mocks him in a nasally voice too. "oh real mature Anakin" Ben rolls his eyes but there's no real fire behind it as you all poke fun at each other for the rest of dinner.
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"do you have a crush on Anakin?" you whip your head towards Padme blinking rapidly confused and trying to process if you heard her correctly. she didn't repeat herself nor back down.
bold of her to ask that when the man she's talking about is not even five feet away; you had all split up heading in opposite directions towards your respective cabins. "no i don't have a crush on him, why?"
she purses her lips in thought "it seems like he likes you and vice versa" you laugh loud and abrupt, this time she's the one staring at you confused.
"wait you're serious?" you stop in your tracks but she continues walking. well that crushes your hopes of her knowing about his crush and just not reciprocating.
"you'd make a cute couple" she says with a shrug of her shoulders, the absolute irony.
"i just met him today" you say; speeding to catch up with her again. she just smiles and gives you that look she gave you in the log hall again. "i'm serious Padme!" you've grown more defensive than you needed to be.
"so am i" Unbelievable. This wasn't just ironic, it was cruel. you frown and resist the urge to roll your eyes at your own rotten luck.
"i'm too tired for this" half-truth. you were tired, you'd been up all night driving and managed to power through the day without truly resting. however you definitely were not going to be able to get to sleep once you did settle down, instead you'd be replaying every interaction from today in your head.
you did just that after changing into your pajamas and brushing your teeth; groaning softly into your pillow once you finally crashed onto your bed. Padme and Jasmine had their headphones on so you were thankfully in the clear.
the feeling of your phone vibrating next to your head was what pulled you from the self-inflicted torture of your spiraling mind. it took you a few minutes to motivate yourself to even lift your head, which felt ten times heavier than usual. probably due to exhaustion.
'don't tell me you died 😱' you can't help the grin that grows on your lips as you read Honey's message, and then you notice the notification wall of 15 other messages from her. oops. you turn onto your back and open your phone to respond.
'die and leave you alone in life? i would never' you type out quickly before reading through her other messages. 'just landed' followed by 'my parents decided to throw me a surprise party sos' and then a string of updates while the party happened.
most people would think Honey is a pretty social person based on how she is when she's with you, most people would be wrong. Honey has the social battery of a grape. she also requires at least a full day by herself in her room with hot chocolate and a book to recharge properly.
'my love has returned from war 🥹' you giggle not realizing how much you missed her until now and that's when you begin to feel homesick. Honey was your home as corny as that sounded. sisters in another life Platonic soulmates in this one; at least that's what you both always said.
'i've got so much to tell you abouutt' where to even start- i'd be easier to just send a voice message but you didn't feel comfortable enough to venture anywhere on your own yet and find somewhere to update her.
'i'm sat' from the beginning it is then.
you spent the next fifteen minutes just debriefing with her and when you finished she found the Instagram accounts of every person you mentioned.
'oh wow he is cute, no wonder you like him' she says after sending a post from Anakin's account. Ben was in the photo and it looked like it was Anakin's 19th birthday judging by the candles on the cake he was holding.
'i don't like him…' you defend but then remember who you're talking to and add 'yet- besides he likes someone else!!'
'someone who doesn't like him back' she sends back just as quickly and you stick your tongue out at her through the screen even though she can't see it.
'she never specified that, and either way i can't change the fact he likes her' you argue and Honey thankfully lets up.
''would it be weird if i followed Ben's account?' beautiful subject change Honey, you couldn't have done it better yourself.
'Ben really 😏?' you smile as you hit send liking being on the opposite end of the teasing.
'you're right too weird 😔' she replies and you two go back and forth for a while before finally calling it a night.
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the sunlight peeking through from the lack of blinds is what woke you up, but rather than opening up your eyes to start the day you just groaned and turned towards the wall; burrowing your face into your pillow hoping for even just a few more seconds of sleep.
there's a muffled giggle from behind you that reminds you there are two other people in the room with you. poking your head up and turning towards the sound you see Padme staring at you with an amused smile while she brushes her hair back into a ponytail. she gets it on the first try too, unfair. you have to rage quit at least three times before your ponytail is even remotely smooth enough to gaslight yourself into thinking it looks good.
"good news you don't have to be up for another hour" she says while looking at the built-in wall mirror, checking to make sure her hair looks good you guessed.
"well i'm up now" you rasp out and she laughs while you clear your throat, stretching out fully before sitting up and rubbing the crud out of your eyes.
"you're not a morning person are you?" she seems very entertained by the beast you wake up as. Honey once compared you to a bear coming out of hibernation when you woke up the first time you guys had a sleepover, you couldn't deny the accuracy.
"not really…" you trail off while fighting back a yawn. there's a small silence while Padme squirts sunscreen into her hands and begins to apply it on her face and arms. you take the moment to look around the room, Jasmine's bed is empty. evidently, you were the only non morning person here.
"do you want me to walk you to the crafts center?" you hum in thought at Padme's question while you clumsily stumble out of your bed.
"don't we have breakfast first?" you question while pulling out your clothes for the day, including your own Camp Wookiee Shirt.
"yea but it's probably a smart idea to figure out where you'll be heading to afterward" she answers, turning around to give you privacy while you change.
"won't i be able to walk with Rex or Anakin?" you ask, and she shrugs as you zip up your shorts and give her the okay to turn back around.
"Rex probably, Anakin no." you raise a brow and she hands you her sunscreen, before you can refuse her she gives you a look you’d only seen your mom give you when you weren’t listening. you don't bother arguing as she was not going to take no for an answer. "Anakin isn't a morning person either- he never shows up to breakfast. which is probably why he always steals Ben's lunch."
"and Ben lets him?" you snort and Padme nods.
"they grew up together, really close families. he sorta takes care of Anakin like an older brother i suppose." you smile at the thought of a young Ben taking care of an even younger Anakin.
"where's Jasmine gone? i haven't gotten the chance to speak to her at all." Padme doesn't bother to hide her sour expression, guess she trusts you enough now to let her true feelings show or she always did but didn’t want to do anything while Jasmine was in the room.
"Jasmine doesn't talk to anyone, she keeps to herself." you frown, Padme doesn't seem like the type of person to hate someone just because they're a loner- and if she was you didn't wanna be friends with someone like that.
"so what's exactly going on between you two anyway?" you needed to know if this friendship was going to continue.
"it's a long story, but let's just say Jasmine isn't a good person.. like at all and she's a liar who got caught pretty much instantly. and when she got confronted rather than owning up to her actions she got defensive." well now you were even more interested but she wasn't in the mood to get into details. you'd have to ask the boys about it at breakfast if you remembered, provided they didn't sit at the same table as Padme's friends.
"honestly i was shocked to find out she came back this year, i figured they hired you because she left" interesting, whatever she did must have happened just last summer then.
"does no one like her?" you don't mean to keep berating her with questions but couldn't resist the nagging curiosity.
"trust me when i say it'd be more surprising if anyone did like her" what the hell did this girl do to become the social piranha of an entire camp?
you push down the rest of your questions for now, letting there be a peaceful silence as you both exit the cabin.
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you both go on a stroll together before heading to breakfast. Padme took the time to show you around more of the Camp pointing out what each building was and where each path leads, it was still a little confusing but you at the very least wouldn't get lost if you ended up by yourself at some point.
Ben and Rex were sat at the table they initially sat at yesterday. they gave you a wave when you made eye contact and you smiled in return.
"i'm gonna sit with just the boys is that okay?" you ask while turning to Padme who's digging through the bin of fruit snacks looking for the purple pack instead of the blue. you don't blame her everyone knows the purple pack is superior.
"you don't have to run your decisions by me y/n" she teases and you nudge her with your elbow in response. "besides we sleep in the same cabin, you can't get rid of me that easily" she jokes.
"you're right, guess i'm stuck with you for the entirety of camp against my will" this time Padme nudges you causing you both to burst out laughing.
"i'll see you later y/n" she says and gives you a little wave as you split off in separate directions.
"well good morning, i'm surprised you're not tired of us yet" Rex says in greeting as you plop down next to Ben.
"mmm i'd say i'm bordering on just tolerating you guys at most" the banter was instinctive at this point.
"ah i see we're one in the same then" Ben chuckles then takes a big bite of hash. his plate was loaded compared to yours and Rex's, that's a lot considering how much you love to eat. it does however make more sense on why he doesn't seem to care about Anakin stealing his lunch.
"i know we have the rest of the week to ourselves before campers get here, so what exactly are we going to be doing at our jobs if there's no one to perform them for?" you wonder out loud for either of them to answer.
"nothing really, it's just the camp's way of allowing us to hang out and still get paid for it." you give Rex a 'are you serious?' look and he smiles "what? our Camp directors actually like us believe it or not. i'm sure if there were more newbies like you it would be us learning the jobs. but since it's almost always the same people every year this is what it's turned into."
"so this is like a retreat for you guys?" Rex finishes his last bite of food before responding.
"as much of a retreat as you can get with 100 gremlins running around" you nearly choke to death on your food. Ben rubs your back in support as you catch your breath while laughing. note to your future self don't eat around Rex, it's a dangerous game to play.
"drink some water y/n" Ben says in between laughs, him and Rex are both loud enough to garner the attention of the whole lunch room. you're not exactly a shy person but you can't help the heat in your cheeks or the way you slink down hiding your face behind the water bottle you drink out of with just about everyone's eyes on you as they try to decipher what happened.
thankfully it doesn't take long for them to lose interest and carry on in their individual conversations but you still fight the urge to kick both boys for embarrassing you like that.
"i hate both of you" they just smile with matching cheesy grins and you roll your eyes.
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the walk to the crafts center with Rex is just as good bad as you both kept fooling around to see who could make the other laugh harder. it doesn't die down even when you both see Anakin waiting out front of the lodge for you two with his arms crossed and an annoyed face.
Qui-Gon gave Rex the keys to open it because he was the more responsible one, but you had a feeling he'd have given it to you if he knew you a little better.
"what're you two on about?" Anakin grumbles as you both come to a stop in front of him, wiping tears from your eyes and stifling your laughter which only seemed to worsen his mood. he really wasn't a morning person wow.
"Rex just said something funny" you shrug; truth be told nothing you two had said within the last ten minutes made any sense but for some reason that made it all the more hilarious.
Anakin's brows creased and you bite your bottom lip when the urge to reach over and smooth it out with your thumb manifests out of nowhere. it was almost laughable. you let your fingers twitch at your sides instead.
Rex gets the door open with a creak which effectively pulls your attention away from the disgruntled boy in front of you.
the inside was plain, there were multiple picnic benches and some empty corkboards on the walls. you took note of the supply closet in the back and the cleaning supplies that rested beside the door.
"alright Jinn messaged me this morning and said that our only real job for this week is to clean and decorate this place for the campers." you give him a simple nod and walk toward the back of the room.
"does he prefer to be called Jinn or is that only allowed for people he's close with?" Rex takes a minute to consider your question like he'd never really thought about it before. you hand him the broom while you wait.
"i think he prefers Jinn but lets us decide what we're more comfortable with calling him" Anakin answers with a annoyed tone of voice after deciding Rex was taking to long.
"i'm gonna take the mop bucket out back to fill it with water from the hose" he says while turning his baseball cap around. you suddenly feel very warm, and it's not from the heat outside. you swallow before nodding and grabbing the container of Clorox wipes to clean off the dust from the tables.
as soon as Anakin exits the lodge Rex speaks up. "well he's in a pissy mood" you look at him incredulously.
"Padme told me he wasn't a morning person?" your voice is laced with uncertainty now unsure whether to believe that bit of info she'd given you.
"oh he's not, but it's also not usually this bad. then again i shouldn't be too shocked he's more emotional than a hormonal teenage girl" you deadpan at him and he immediately backtracks "not that i'm saying all teenage girls are emotional it's just-" he stops when he sees your lips twitch. "you're pulling my leg aren't you."
you break character instantly and burst out laughing "you should have seen the panic on your face oh my gosh" it's a laugh straight from your core one that makes Rex look like he may just smack you with the broom he's holding.
"okay seriously what am i missing? Rex is not that funny" Anakin huffs when he enters the lodge again, sounding like a pouty little kid who's not getting what they want.
"hey man she made herself laugh, i'm just an innocent victim" Rex defends while sweeping everything that was on the floor into a small pile.
"i was just messing with him" you smile; looking down as you continue the task you started.
"that i can get down with" he says with a smile letting the tension drop from his shoulders as he places the bucket down and goes to grab the mop.
you bite your tongue at the need to question what's going on with him and just finish wiping down each bench. you didn’t feel like you had the right anyway.
the three of you work together to finish cleaning the lodge. the clock on the wall showed it was now 11:00 am and lunch was at 12:00 pm so you had an hour to start working on decorations.
you all plop onto a shared bench and get to work. Anakin made a few star banners while you cut out and tapped a bunch of letters to the wall just below where the cork boards hung, they spelled out 'creativity' and 'imagination'. Rex was apparently the least creative out of the three of you so he was just busied himself with laying out all the crafts supplies so only the extra stuff was in the closet.
"if we finish all of this today, what do we do for the rest of the week?" you ask from the top of the stool you stood on. Anakin was behind you in case you fell while you hung up his banners.
he had offered to be the one to do the hanging but you insisted on being useful to which he replied 'oh yeah because you haven't been already' with the sassiest tone you'd ever heard from a man. to be fair Anakin was proving to be the leader of the sassy man apocalypse so you shouldn't have been shocked.
"we are gonna finish today, and that just means we get to chill for the rest of the week and test out projects for the kids to do" he answers and you see his hands flinch forward when the stool wobbles from you moving onto your tiptoes to get the height right for the banner. it shouldn't make your heart flutter the way it does after all he was quite literally just making sure you didn't bust your ass.
"wow Rex wasn't joking earlier then" you look down at him and there's that furrow in his brows again, it's gone when you blink making you think it was just your mind playing tricks on you.
"wait you didn't believe me?" the question comes from the opposite side of you as Rex seems to spawn out of nowhere. last you checked he was on the complete opposite side of the room organizing the construction paper by color and shade, who'd of guessed he was so particular about stuff like that.
"i was a little busy choking on my food to really process what you said" you rolled your eyes and he snorts nudging your leg with his shoulder which in turn makes the stool wobble and Anakin glare at him.
you ignore the way Rex and him have a wordless conversation and finish taping the last part of the banner.
╚═*.·:·.✧ ✦✧.·:·.*═╝
the rest of the day went by fast, which wasn't the least bit astonishing. what was however; to both you, Padme and just about every other staff member it seemed was seeing Anakin at Breakfast the next day.
he wasn't eating. he barely even looked conscious, but there he was directly across from Ben and Rex. he was half asleep fully leaning into the palm of his hand, the two boys watching him looked dumbfounded.
"am i hallucinating?" Padme pinches you and you yelp.
"doesn't seem like it" she says while you glare.
"i said hallucinating not dreaming" she throws a small pack of graham crackers at you and you both giggle.
"well if you're hallucinating so am i, and probably everyone else in here" she clapsback and gives you a weird smile that makes you wanna hide, it was like she saw right through you. you didn't think anyone other than Honey and your mom could do that.
"i'll see you later" there's a sparkle in her voice that you choose to ignore, waving goodbye and heading to the table the boys were sat at.
"are you even alive right now?" Anakin blinks awake at your question, rather than responding he scoots closer to you invading your personal space like he'd been doing since you first met the other day.
this boy clearly has something against there being any type of distance between two people when he sits next to them.
"i'd argue he thinks he's dreaming" Ben teases then snickers when he receives a kick under the table. you do your best to hide your confusion and focus on the food in front of you.
"how can you even eat right now?" Anakin mumbles from beside you.
"uhhh because it's 7 in the morning and i'm starving??" he makes a disgusted face that baffles you.
"the idea of eating this early is nauseating" he says through a yawn.
"that's because you're never awake this early" Rex snides. Anakin doesn't defend himself just grumbles incoherently, you think he might of mocked him but it was really hard to tell.
"you're disrupting the natural way of the world Anakin, next we'll find out there was a hurricane in Antarctica" you're about to comment on how that's not scientifically possible but then realize that's exactly why Ben said it.
"haha you're so very funny Kenobi" as much as Anakin was grumpy it was not nearly as bad as the grumpiness he greeted you and Rex with yesterday. not that you didn't believe Rex when he said he wasn't usually that bad but now that you were experiencing it yourself you understood a lot more.
"ooo Kenobi, we're using last names now. you must be pretty upset Skywalker' Ben teases, completely unafraid of the consequences he might have from teasing a sleep-ridden bear.
ah, you're seeing the whole hibernating bear thing now. poor Honey; if you'd known this is what she was dealing with in the morning you'd have started locking yourself in your room till you felt like a decent human being to confront the world.
after the bickering dies down there's a comfortable silence as everyone just enjoys their food, well besides Anakin who's more or less in his own world. it was nice and you let yours eyes travel around the room before landing on your cabin mate who's still not even given you so much as a greeting not to mention was sitting completely and utterly alone. there wasn’t even anyone sitting at the tables near by her.
"what's up with Jasmine?" the question startles the group. probably because to them it was out of nowhere, for you however it's been a burning topic just waiting to be discussed. "i've just noticed she doesn't talk much, and Padme said she lied or whatever but didn't tell me any actual details….i figured you guys might know" you cringe inwardly at yourself when they still don't say anything.
you shouldn't have asked, there was probably a good reason why Padme didn't want to get into details about what happened and now you've just ruined everyone's morning.
your internal monologue of despair was cut short by Rex. "she did some fucked up shit. mostly she spread a bunch of rumors around about people, and she lied about pretty much everything. it's honestly shocking the Directors didn't catch wind of anything." Well that's not good but it can't be that bad?
it very much was that bad. the biggest thing she did was out one of the older campers who felt so uncomfortable they left camp early. that was the turning point when everyone decided to confront her and she got defensive starting her lone wolf act.
Jada was the little girl's name and everyone loved her; she was apparently really sweet with short blonde hair paired with rosy cheeks and a subtle southern accent if you listened close enough.
her parents were super conservative so it's no wonder she'd feel uncomfortable with something like that floating around the camp. especially considering Parent week had been coming up at the time.
she also lied and spread rumors about several of the other girls at camp that were pretty damaging. one of the lesser rumors was about a girl she said was a slut who slept around with all of the guys on camp.
needless to say you understood everyone's opinions on her now, talk about violating on so many levels. how on earth was she still allowed to work here? everyone loved the camp directors and they didn't seem like people who would let something like that slide.
"Padme told me she was shocked that Jasmine even came back this year" you were shocked too now that you knew the extent of what had been done. "but how has no one complained about her directly to the directors?"
"we all sorta came to a unanimous decision to just pretend she doesn't exist." Ben answered while pushing his food around on his plate.
that didn't sit right with you, this is one of those times you speak up not stay silent. "why though?"
"well even though Jinn, Windu and Bail would believe us we'd still have to supply them with evidence for the big guys upstairs….which in turn would mean they'd have to contact everyone involved" he added that last part when he noticed it wasn't clicking in your head. it took a few moments before you let out a quiet oh.
Jada would have to be contacted. which would mean her parents would have to be contacted and since she's a minor they'd have to be told everything. so everyone was staying silent to protect her.
you felt a wave of newfound respect for every single person who worked here as well as a burning hatred for Jasmine. fuck her honestly. there was a long awkward lull in the conversation before it started back up again.
Rex was the one who managed to switch subjects. you ended up on the topic of how Ben and Padme were doing with the zip line course. to no one's surprise Padme was a natural at it, Ben said she got the hang of it after Windu explained it once whereas he had needed a few extra pointers. they also had to do a safety briefing then take a test to make sure they knew everything they would have to for the campers to be allowed on it.
talk about getting off easy on your end, a brief cleaning session followed by decorating a room hardly classified as work compared to what they had to do. not like you'd complain, this just meant you'd be spending the summer doing art. well that and looking after kids, you had a pretty natural affinity with children though so it wasn't a real worry on your end.
Your mom always said it was because you were as childish as them, you preferred carefree and whimsical but a win was a win.
╚═*.·:·.✧ ✦✧.·:·.*═╝
"that looks like shit" Rex is leaning over the table watching Anakin as he weaves bracelet strings together.
"you look like shit but i don't say anything" he quips, very obviously annoyed.
"did you even follow the directions?" Anakin ignores Rex at first but when he builds on the initial question with "because it doesn't look like you did" he gives him a deadly glare.
"i glanced at them and i got the basic idea" Rex looks ready to disagree with him and Anakin looks ready to shove every bead in the bowl next to him down his throat.
you don't say anything, holding your breath so you don't burst out laughing and end up the next target. although it's not like they could say anything about your bracelet as it actually looked like the picture, besides a few color changes.
"well look at yours! what even is that?" Anakin gestures to the bracelet if you could even call it that in Rex's hand, it looked like he hadn't even started.
"it's shit as well but at least i can admit that" He says pointedly and Anakin throws his half-finished attempt of a bracelet at him in response.
you can't hold it in any longer practically bursting into tears from how hard you laugh. both boy's heads snap toward you, Anakin wears a frown and Rex just looks stunned as if he'd forgotten you were there entirely.
"you two are utterly ridiculous" you wheeze and fight back snorting like a pig each time you gasp for air.
it's been like this all week as you guys experimented with different projects to do with the kids, getting to know each other way more in the process. the guys were pretty transparent from the beginning so it wasn't much of a shock when you discovered Anakin was in fact consistently childish and a bit moody but despite that he was extremely loyal and very kind.
he hides most of his real feelings with humor, your guess was he gets awkward when things get too serious so he keeps the mood light. and if that talk a few days ago at breakfast has anything to say it was safe to conclude he also resigns himself from conversations entirely when he's unsure what direction it will go.
Rex was generally a calm person, he could be serious when he needed to but prefers to joke around. which would explain why he always messes with Anakin so much. he's also extremely loyal and although he doesn't verbally express his emotions as much as Anakin does, he wears them all on his face.
Ben was the peacemaker but could be a shit stirrer too. As far as he was concerned Anakin was his brother and he had no problems arguing with anyone who said otherwise. overall the boys were all pretty similar but had their differences, it was nice to be a part of their group.
out of everyone you'd gotten the closest to Padme, sharing a room probably helped with that. but so did the fact you both shared similar interests, and even on the things you disagreed with you both still let the other gush as much as they wanted.
it was a nice little home away from home. you've kept Honey updated about everything any chance you got, but there was only so much you both could share from a distance and you couldn’t help but miss her badly. at the very least you could count on the fact camp would go by fast thanks to how fun it's been so far which meant you'd see Honey just as quickly.
that same thought made you feel a little glum but you never dwelled on it for too long, it was just the beginning after all and Campers would be arriving tomorrow morning.
Camp Wookiee T-shirt visual aid:

tag list: @anakinskwkler @anakinstwinklebunny @divineani
a/n: ITS HERE 🎉🎉🎉 everyone say thank you @munsondjarin who inspired me to write this fic 🤭
i can’t believe how much i actually wrote for just this one part, but it also makes sense considering im essentially just writing out the whole story and splitting it up by beginning, middle and end compared to a bunch of small individual chapters ✨
anyway i hope you all enjoy see you next week for Part 2 💋💋
have a good day Huns Xx <3
#hayden christensen#anakin skywalker#anakin skywalker x reader#anakin x reader#star wars anakin#anakin imagine#modern!ani#anakin fanfiction#anakin skywalker fanfiction#modern!anakin skywalker#modern!obi wan#modern anakin skywalker#modern! anakin x reader#modern!anakin x reader#modern!star wars#modern!anakin#modern au#modernau!anakin x reader#camp au#anakin skywalker fic#anakin skywalker fanfic#anakin x reader fluff#anakin x y/n#anakin x you#anakin skywalker x reader fluff#college anakin skywalker#college anakin#new fic#queenie’s thoughts xx<3
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Stockholm Syndrome | Abby Anderson



• PAIRINGS; Abby Anderson x Fem!Reader
• WARNINGS; Stockholm Syndrome, masochistic reader? violence
• SUMMARY; You tried to defend your group, Now you're completely alone... Right?
• AUTHOR'S NOTE; I had an idea for this but I lost the script I had made, so this is the 4th time I'm rewriting this story. Hope you like it anyways. Oh and the season two trailer just came out, I really need to see Abby.
(This story is not based on the game's chronology)

Everything happened too fast. You had gone out with a small group of Seraphites to look for some sinner for your ritual, you found no one, when you returned everything was on fire
There were some Seraphites shooting arrows in one direction. You were not going to win. Not against the WLF. You ran towards a child that one of the men was about to kill. You lunged at him, jamming the knife into his throat.
The boy looked at you before running off. You followed him with your eyes before looking back. There were almost no more Seraphites. You walked towards a corpse of one of your friends. But before you got there You felt a sharp pain in your head. Everything went black.
* * *
You woke up in a cold place with your head spinning as you tried to fully open your eyes.
You moved your hands, or at least tried to because they were tied with leather straps just like your feet. You were in an abandoned building, there was no one around. You tried to force the leather with what little strength you had. You felt dizzy, almost drugged.
The building was full of mold and filth. If you had been a little more unlucky you would probably have been left to your own devices in a building full of spores or worse, infected. A shiver ran down your spine at the thought of the infected tearing your skin off.
Maybe it was a punishment for all the innocent people you had killed.
A man with short brown hair entered the room. He was carrying an automatic rifle, wearing a gray T-shirt, and had a sour face. You looked at him as he looked at you too. His finger played with the trigger of the gun as he walked back and forth.
He finally stopped, leaning back against a table. "Let's make this easy for both of us," he said calmly. You looked at him but didn't say anything. "Tell me where the others are, maybe if you cooperate I can let you live."
You glared at him, you would never betray any of your own. Never.
"What's wrong? Seraphites don't talk? You only communicate with whistles?" He said mockingly to you, getting dangerously close to you. You frowned before spitting on the ground almost on his boot.
The man got angry at this and hit you in the face. You felt the sting of the blow on your cheek. "Respect me," he said. "I could kill you right now," he murmured, bringing the knife closer to your neck.
"Owen!" A woman's voice called. Owen and you turned around at the same time. A young girl with braided blonde hair, a toned body, and a double-barreled shotgun in her hands was standing there.
"What the fuck are you doing?" She asked, walking toward him. "She spit on me," he told the girl angrily. The girl rolled her eyes. "You can't kill her; she might have important information."
"You can't be serious Abby, she won't talk, she's trained for that" Owen claimed.
So that was the name of the cute girl in front of you. Abby... The girl looked at you for a moment. Your cheek was already turning red. Abby sighed and looked at Owen. "I'll take care of it," she said. Owen looked at her for a moment before leaving, muttering something.
The place was quiet for a moment before Abby spoke. "I don't mean to hurt you, but I need you to speak the truth." The young woman said, taking out a couple of 12-gauge bullets and slowly putting them into her shotgun.
"A few weeks ago some of your people attacked us, and killed many of my teammates... We can do this the easy way, tell me where the camp is and I promise we won't make them suffer." Abby said, coming closer. She crouched down in front of you to be at your level, you would have kicked her if your legs weren't also tied to the chair.
You looked at her but didn't even open your mouth. Abby bit the inside of her cheek before speaking. "I recommend you talk. Believe me, if you don't tell us where they are, sooner or later we'll find them and you'll regret not telling me. I don't want to make anyone suffer... And I won't if you tell me where. they. are. "
You frowned. "I won't tell you shit," you spat. Abby gave a dry laugh before standing. "Whatever," she said, leaving the room.
* * *
Night had come, and with it the infected. They'd left you alone in that building. You could hear the clicks of some infected, and if you looked out the window, you could see the runners and clickers.
You sighed as you tried to untie the leather. If one of them heard you or well, in the case of the runners saw you, you were screwed and you knew it. You remembered
You always carried a small switchblade in your back pocket. If only you could reach it.You leaned back, trying to pull it out with your tied hands. It was difficult; it was quite low.
You finally managed to touch it and tried to pull it out of the bag. As you tried, the chair tilted dangerously backward. It was about to fall. Your mouth went dry. If you fell, the noise would attract those creatures.
Cold sweat broke out on your forehead. You managed to pull out the knife. You let out a shaky breath. You opened the knife and began cutting the leather. Little by little the tension on the belt became less until it came loose.
You ran your hands over your wrists, which were red thanks to the leather, the marks from the pressure of the strap against them were quite noticeable. You untied your legs and stretched your body. You needed to get out there before sunrise, which would be suicide since it was infested with infected people outside.
You slowly approached a window with the knife in your hand. It was fucked up, everything was fucked up. If you left there you would be eaten by the infected long before you could even breathe. You carefully backed away, trying not to be seen, when you collided with something or someone.
You felt the knife at your throat before you even looked over. Those muscles... Fuck. Abby
"Where do you think you're going?" She asked, murmuring in your ear. The knife pressed into your skin, her arms wrapped around your waist, the warmth of her body against yours.
You didn't answer the question. Fuck... You grabbed her arm tightly, separating the knife from your throat. You turned around, but the woman had already recovered. It took less than a second to strike you on the face and then another. Blood trickled from your nose as you tried to defend yourself.
As you stepped back, you slipped on the leather straps you'd left lying around. You fell backward, hitting your head. You felt a sharp pain in your head behind your eyes, your vision blurred by tears. You could see Abby's silhouette approaching you before crouching down beside you.
She looked at you as you tried to get rid of the sharp pain in your head. Abby got up from the floor, still looking. You tried to get up but Abby pushed you to the ground with her boot, crushing your chest. "Fuck..." You muttered under your breath, gasping for air.
"You can't leave yet," Abby murmured with an almost tender smile. The pain wasn't as severe anymore, but the boot on your chest was making it hard to breathe. You tried with little strength to move her boot away from you but the only thing you achieved was to waste more energy.
The world spun as you tried to take it all in. Abby took her foot off your chest and crouched down beside you, her knife gently tracing lines on your arm without hurting you. You were so focused on the girl that you didn't notice all the blood that was coming out of your head which she had already noticed.
"It's time for you to rest" Abby said with a smile before kissing you on the lips. The world began to lose its color. Everything was blurry. Finally, everything went black. Did you die?

Damn, this was too difficult to write. Part 2?
#Spotify#angst#lgbtq#abby anderson x reader#abby anderson#tlou 2#lesbian#the last of us ii#the last of us#the Last of us 2#abigail anderson#fanfic
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Can I ask request a Kuai Liang x reader on the reader also being a pyromancer but always kept it a secret and Kaui Liang finds out about the reader's ability and tries to help teach only for the reader to avoid him out of fear of either being made fun of or accidentally hurting him until Kuai Liang shows his ability to prove the reader otherwise?
A Lighter to a Bonfire
Yip notes: Goodness, I need to show him more love. I was out here working to get dragon crystals to buy him more clothes and I barely make fics for him.
Pairing: Kuai Liang (MK1) x Gn reader
Warnings‼️: FUEGO FUEGO FIRE FIRE
At the young age of five, you discovered something that you thought was a curse. It all started from an incident where your emotions were out of control, resulting in you bursting into a ball of flames. Your parents were horrified. They didn’t know what happened and neither did you. They thought this was an instance of human combustion but you were fine. No burn or scar left behind. That’s not right.
Through research, you found out that there was a long history of pyromancers in your family. It looks like it went on for years before diminishing by the 1900s. Fewer children were being taught how to control their abilities until the practice died out. That was until you had your incident. Looks like it jumped some generations.
Unfortunately, nobody in your family knew how to help. They tried their best to get rid of it but it was no use. Blessings, cleansings, healing, and even chicken blood could not rid you of your destiny. All you could do was adapt. For you, adapting meant staying away from people.
You rarely had friends out of fear of hurting them. You distanced yourself from your family which saddened them. You had to focus on keeping yourself calm to prevent any incidents. You would hate to burn anything, especially if it was something of yours. Some days you would wonder why it had to be you. You cried from the despair of being alone. It was a sacrifice you had to make to keep everyone safe. No one could have helped you.
Or so you thought.
On a random day, you were visited by a man with glowing eyes who said he was the protector of Earthrealm and the god of fire. His name was Liu Kang and for once you felt hope. You thought that god himself would help get rid of this stupid curse. That wasn’t what he came for. Instead, he said he wanted to train you and help you control your pyromancy abilities, just like he helped your ancestors. He informed you that he would bring you to someone who could be of great assistance.
Though you couldn’t get rid of this ability at least you could learn to control it. You could live a better life now. You can have friends and your family near you without worrying about them getting hurt. You were on board with this. Liu Kang was pleased to see your enthusiasm and said he would bring you to the Shirai Ryu to gain assistance.
This was truly a new beginning for you.
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There was a spark the moment you met Kuai Liang. Liu Kang never mentioned that he was so handsome. And he was the grandmaster? You’re gonna be assisted by the grandmaster? This was exciting.
Kuai Liang was intrigued by you. All Liu Kang told him was that you were in need of assistance. You needed training and guidance on how to keep your emotions steady. It was important that you didn’t condense your emotions but instead balance them. Kuai Liang initially thought you were some rogue person who had no other purpose in life because Liu Kang didn’t say anything. He didn’t tell him that you were a pyromancer and you were never told that Kuai Liang was one as well. A pretty good one actually.
Maybe it was god playing a practical joke on you. Maybe it was god wanting to let time tell what would happen between you and Kuai Liang. There is really no real reason why Liu Kang didn’t tell you two that you’re both pyromancers. He just wants to play matchmaker.
Kuai Liang found it best to meditate as it’s a great way to stabilize yourself. It quiets the mind and calms your breathing. Plus, it’s an excuse for Kuai Liang to step away from the stress of building a new clan. If he has to deal with another incompetent initiate or losing track of Bi-Han he’s gonna combust and never extinguish.
Your time with Kuai Liang was peaceful. It wasn’t easy in the beginning. You were afraid of being too hopeful and wasting your breath on something that was doomed to fail. You feared that the moment you thought you had control over yourself you would accidentally burn everything around you. Your mind ran wild with these negative thoughts. They’d make your skin all clammy and your chest would burn with the flames that flowed through your veins. Then Kuai Liang would tell you to breathe. Hold it for five seconds then let it out just as slowly. There, don’t you feel better?
Kuai Liang had a lot of patience when it came to you which was almost shocking. He always seemed to be in a rush when it came to everything else. He needed the initiates to better themselves fast. He was in a rush to catch Bi-Han and prevent him from causing any harm to the realms. With you, he acted like he had all the time in the world. You weren’t sure if it was because Liu Kang told him he had to be cautious or if Kuai Liang was doing it out of kindness.
The real answer is that Kuai Liang feels like there is something special about you. He didn’t know what it was but he had a gut feeling you and him weren’t all that different.
You had a feeling too but not the same one he did. He was suspicious, you were straight-up feeling. Who could blame you? You spent most of your life cooped up in an effort to prevent yourself from hurting others. You meet a handsome man who shows you respect and doesn’t fear you in the slightest. Even some of your family feared you for your explosive tendencies. But him, oh no, he looked at you like you were a person and not a ticking bomb. It’s reasonable that you would find comfort in him. Maybe a little bit of affection too.
That’s what makes you scared. You assumed that Kuai Liang doesn’t know you’re a pyromancer since he never brought it up or taught you how to control it. You were afraid to burn the bond you were starting to create with him.
At this point, you two weren’t just meditating together. You would take walks together which were soothing. You two would have conversations while having tea, sometimes inviting Tomas to join. You’d laugh, smile, sulk, and cry, all in front of Kuai Liang. He made you feel wonderful and to hurt him by accident would kill you. You wouldn’t hurt him on purpose of course but the flames that run through you wouldn’t hesitate to burn his skin.
So you try to keep yourself composed, even fearing good emotions would make you flare up. Good or bad it doesn’t matter; any strong emotions could set you ablaze. You know that because you accidentally used your powers while you two meditated.
You just wanted to take a quick peek at Kuai Liang, one wouldn’t hurt. You opened one eye and looked over at Kuai Liang who was kneeling next to you. His face looked peaceful with the way his eyes were closed. You looked down at his chest and saw how it slightly moved with each breath he took in and let out. Don’t forget to take a look at those muscles. You couldn’t help but smile softly at the gorgeous man beside you and feel grateful for what he’s done. Then you felt it. You felt that burning, tingly feeling that spreads across your skin when your powers start acting up. You looked down to see the palms of your hands were on fire like two little bonfires. You gasped without thinking and closed your hands tightly. The flame extinguished for now. It would come back if that feeling in your chest kept swirled. You closed your eyes, not noticing Kuai Liang looking at you, and went back to meditating. You focused on getting rid of that warm feeling in your chest.
He noticed, of course. He saw the black smoke that arose from your hands. The dark color of that smoke could only come from fire. It clicked in his head and that gut feeling made sense. You were a pyromancer, just like him. He didn’t know what to feel. He felt kind of hurt that you hid this from him. It would be unfair to hold this fact against you since Liu Kang didn’t disclose it to him. Then he started to wonder if that was the true reason you needed assistance. It would explain why Liu Kang brought you here instead of the Wu Shi to help with your emotions.
He gets it now but he won’t say anything yet. If it is true, he doesn’t want to disturb your peace. It’s best to finish the meditation session and then confront you.
After you both were done, Kuai Liang was about to ask you something you got up and walked swiftly out of the room. You didn’t give him time to get back on his feet. You held your head low as you slipped into your temporary room. Just like that, it was like how you used to live. Cooped up and too afraid to be near people.
Kuai Liang got up and started walking down the halls. He guessed you would run back into your room. He was there in under a minute and was knocking at your door.
“…yes?” You called back.
“You ran out of the room pretty quickly. Is something wrong?” He asked.
You could tell he knew something was wrong by the tone of his voice. You debated with yourself if telling him the truth would do any good. It’s not that easy to explain you can produce fire.
“I’m just tired. I’ll be fine in a few hours. Don’t worry about me.” You were trying your best to get him to leave you be.
He sighed at your dismissive attitude but what could he expect? You were hiding this for a long time, you clearly don’t want anyone to know. It would be unwise to leave this issue untouched that’s why he needs to discuss this with you. From the looks of it, he could easily mistake you for someone who just discovered their abilities. He has no clue that you have been dealing with this all your life.
“Okay. Be sure to come out for dinner. I want to talk to you once dinner is finished.” And with that, he finally left.
You were left a nervous wreck in your room. You thought all your progress was reversed and you were back to square one. You knew it, you knew this would happen. The moment you got close to someone you started burning up. You flopped face-first onto your bed and groaned out loud. Things are just never easy for you.
══💤══╡°˖✧🦊✧˖°╞══💤══
Great, now Kuai Liang was struggling to catch you.
After he said he wanted to speak with you his mind immediately started working on a plan for you. He wanted you to figure out how to be a pyromancer and he would train you like he was trained. After that, you definitely won’t feel the need to hide your powers.
But you never came. After dinner, you went right back into your room. He came knocking at your door and you ignored him by pretending to be asleep. No matter, he’ll just catch you tomorrow.
…yeah no.
Kuai Liang wasn’t going to force you out of the room. He wants to keep you calm since you were unable to control your abilities. It was frustrating to him that he had no other way to get you out. He tried talking to you through the door but you would either stay quiet or give him short answers.
“I only want to help you.” He yelled through the door.
“I’m fine.”
“I know you need help with your pyroman-“
“I have no idea what you are talking about!”
You’d deny having any pyromancy abilities. You didn’t want him to help you out of fear that he would get hurt. He’d sigh before leaving you alone.
He hates to do this to you but he might have to catch you off guard. You can’t stay cooped up in your room all day. You eventually have to eat. He knows you’ve been sneaking out just to nibble on some snack when you think no one is looking. He knows you’re stuffing your cheeks with tangerines, don’t lie. Nobody eats ten tangerines in one sitting except you.
All he can do is wait for now.
The sun had set and the moon began to rise. All was quiet with the occasional cricket chirping. Right on schedule you were creeping out of your room quietly. You did manage to control your fire a little. You were using your finger as a candle to guide your way around. You were in the kitchen area in under a minute. You grabbed those tangerines like you’ve been starving for days. The lights suddenly flicked on. In your most vulnerable state, you were caught with a bunch of tangerines in your arms and your finger lit. Who was the person who caught you in the act? Why it was the Shirai Ryu’s grandmaster, Kuai Liang.
You curled your finger up and extinguished it by closing your hands. You slowly put the tangerines back like that was the problem here.
“I knew you had pyromancy abilities. Why did you hide it?” He asked.
“I don’t know. I don’t know what you are talking about.”
“Your finger was on fire.” He replied bluntly.
“Just leave this alone please.” You begged.
“I will not. You have to let me help you. I can teach you to control it. Controlling it involves your emotions being stable, yes, but it also involves physical control. You have to control where it goes.”
“No!” You blurted out.
You surprised Kuai Liang. This was the first time you ever raised your voice. It was also nighttime and the deafening silence was interrupted by your plead. You immediately felt bad and decided to tell him the truth. It’s the least you could do.
“I don’t want you to help me because…I don’t want to hurt you. I’m scared of hurting others. That’s why I’ve hidden it all my life. I really like you and I don’t want to end up hurting you because I struggle to keep emotions under control.”
At that moment the skin on your arms began to tingle and your hands started to produce embers. You looked at Kuai Liang who was calm. Even as your hands started to catch fire he didn’t bat an eye. Instead, he walked closer even though you pleaded with him to stay away from you. You backed away from him until your back hit the kitchen counter. You thought you would cry because you were so frustrated with yourself. You were upset with how your life had turned out and now the one good thing you had was about to be ruined. That’s what you thought before Kuai Liang took hold of your wrist and placed his other hand next to yours. You watched as his hand caught fire. It was hotter and brighter than the fire you produced. Little embers from both your hands danced in the air before dying out. You stared in awe at the sight before you.
Kuai Liang was a pyromancer, duh.
“Oh…” The realization was setting in.
“As I said before, I can help you.”
He folded his hand over yours, extinguishing both your flames. He held your hand in his, squeezing it to make sure you got the point that this was real.
“I had absolutely no idea.”
“Now you know. I hope this will help prevent you from running away from me next time.”
Your eyes shifted down in shame. This could have been figured out sooner if you weren’t so afraid. Kuai Liang doesn’t blame you luckily. You thought you were alone in this world. You clearly aren’t.
“I’m sorry.” You apologized.
“I accept your apology. Now that you know I can properly teach you how to control yourself. Soon, you will be a greater pyromancer than me.”
“I don’t think so. I think I’m pretty late with this.” You joked.
“It is never too late. Get some rest. In the morning I will start training you.” Kuai Liang slowly let go of your hand, also hesitant to do so.
It felt like a weight was lifted from your shoulders. You had nothing to fear in the end. You were just being silly at this point. But things will be different now. You have a real chance to get a hold of your life and be better than ever. Maybe you will be just as great as Kuai Liang.
Oh all of this is so exciting you just might—
Fwoosh
Oops, you caught fire again.
Kuai Liang ran back to you and took hold of your hand. You calmed down and the fire that surrounded your body died down. You actually startled Kuai Liang with that.
“Perhaps you should stay in my room for tonight. I need to keep an eye on you.”
Yap notes: Kuai Liang and Guatemala have failed me on the same day. What kind of cruel joke is this. I promise I'm not mad what are you talking about? Also sorry if the first part seems to be different than the second. I started it, wasn’t feeling, and came back to it way later. Yes I did started craving tangerines hella bad how could I not—🍊🦊HEY! HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK IN MY DEN?! PAY YOUR RENT! Adiós!
#mortal kombat#mk1#mortal kombat 1#mortal kombat1#mortal kombat x reader#mortal kombat x you#mk x reader#mk x you#mk fanfic#mk1 kuai liang#kuai liang x you#kuai liang x reader#mortal kombat kuai liang#kuai liang#scorpion x you#scorpion x reader#mk scorpion#scorpion mortal kombat#scorpion mk
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