#I felt completely apathetic (to the point where I was kinda concerned by my apathy) during exams

[bonemeal12]

For 3 days in a row I’ve been having variations of the same stress dream in which my entire class fails the Chinese exam SO HARD we all have to retake it, except I can’t read because it’s a dream, and the teacher is disappointed in me for not doing the homework. I’m so done. Somebody save me.

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi Charity! I hope you are doing well. I have a question about judging types. Do judging types get frustrated by monotonous tasks  or tasks that require constant attention? Or is this a perceiving function problem? And if its not, is there a way to deal with this?

I’m pretty sure I’m an EFJ. Even before this quarantine, I couldn’t stand doing household chores, primarily because it felt so pointless having to build and work on something only for it to turn to be for naught and having to start again the next day. It’s like a worthless necessity that needs to be done for the house to function. And I always try to get them done asap so that I can do anything else but this. And it gets on my nerves that my siblings don’t cooperate and do their part and in the end I get told I’m being too rigid and I should stop nagging them.

But its not just chores, I don’t like sitting in one place for too long  because I get very fidgety. I find studying at one place for fixed intervals on a daily basis extremely mind numbing and so I tend to only study a few days before the test or before the assignment is due and it normally works out for me. My general approach is like “okay if I mess up and don’t get a good grade, then that’s a lesson and I’ll just do better and start earlier next time”. Except its gotten worse this year because its almost as if I’ve stopped caring and that worries me because I normally put in a lot of effort to maintain my gpa and have a good standing and now I’m really worried by this almost apathetic outlook I’ve ended up in. 

I think that’s why I like going to college, because I had so much to do and people to talk to and different places and libraries to sit in and study at. But back here at home, my life feels confined to my bed and my desk and it just really makes me feel disheartened by how my life seems to have turned out and everything looks kinda bleak. I know that rationally, others too are in the same boat, but I can’t help but feel concerned because others don’t seem to be struggling like I am and seem to still have fun. 

And it all ties back into everything feeling monotonous now and how everything feels like a chore to do. I used to love the classes I take and even had a clear idea about where I wanted to go after I graduate. I used to be so optimistic and would always have something to be thankful for and look forward to, but now it feels like I’m trapped in this endless cycle and I’m confined here and I can’t get out. 

So is there anyway or anything that I as an EFJ can do to go back to my normal achiever self while I’m stuck at home or do I have to tough it out till lockdown is lifted?

Thank you so much for your time and patience. I really appreciate all that you do for us :)

To be honest, this sounds more like an N problem than an EFJ problem. ESFJs are more comfortable with routine tasks, but N users become angsty with too much same-ness and boring, rote behaviors. Housework is something “you do” but you find no pleasure in it.

As an ENFJ, you’re facing a loss of big picture perspective combined with frustration in the moment -- a Se loop. You are cycling between how unhappy and frustrated you are right now and how you are stuck in a situation that does not foster your ability to engage with other people and new environments and allow you to move toward the future that you want. On the bright side, you did not mention over-spending, so you’re ahead of a lot of ENFJs at this point in the pandemic. Tert-Se can become quite excessive in chasing after pleasures to distract themselves from hating their present situation / their boredom. ;)

To some extent, yes, you are going to have to wait this out, but there is a bright side in that the pandemic is going to wane, the vaccinations are doing their job, and various states are opening up, so by this summer large swaths of the country (assuming you are in the US) are going to be open to you; and the rest of the world may soon follow. Hopefully. So, I would re-engage Ni by going into yourself, thinking about the future you want, visualizing it, and focusing on the intellectual and/or psychological side of things more than on your present stuck situation. Do something or read something that engages your intellect and challenges you to adopt a new way of thinking. If you are stymied by a lack of physical changes, challenge your mind. ENFJs sometimes neglect Ni development because Se opportunism and being present is ‘easier,’ but now is a good time to get in touch with and strengthen your N. Think about what you can do right now to get prepared for the future you intend to have, that will allow you to use NiSe in tandem the way it’s meant to work.

N’s feel frustrated when they are not MOVING FORWARD. Stagnation is something that you hate, so start intellectually working toward the future, even if you cannot physically yet change your environment. That will help you.

I also sense some Enneagram 7 frustration in play here, so you may want to read up on the 7 profile and growth patterns and see if some of that is playing into your approach to life. You may need to learn how to balance ‘fun’ in your daily life through little pleasures rather than focusing on a constant need for outer physical stimulation. It could also be 3 related, if you used to be very focused, ambitious, and determined to succeed, and are now in a state of apathy.

Lastly, this is completely normal. Millions of people feel the way you do right now, in that things do not seem “worth doing” because they exist in a state of depressive “no one cares, nothing is changing, so why should I make any effort at all?” I battled that all of last year... but things ARE going to improve, they ARE going to get better, and this is just a temporary blip. A depressive state, because your life has been disrupted for the last 12 months. Allow yourself a period of mourning and sadness, and then think about what you can do to get yourself out of your depression. Because honestly, that’s what this is: depression. There are endless resources out there for you to consult, and therapy if you feel it is truly serious in such a way that it is preventing you from functioning normally.