#I feel so worn down
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Harry the goldfish
#this is from the times i thought i'd ever be strong enough to handle a human comic. how wrong i was#tw blood#i feel so worn down#i've gone into one of those moods where all my projects seem ugly and pointless and unsalvageable#but it'll pass like always#so no need to get concerned about their future
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hm...
#i rly hate how bitter ive become#m trying to be positive n happy but#i feel so worn down#n i dnt wanna be#squeaks.♡
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wolfwood redraws (ID in alt text)
#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#tw blood#going to be talking vol 9 spoilers in here pls do not read if u have not read it!!#wolfwood my beloved. he's such a battle genius with such strong survival instincts and incentive to fight. it makes me so sad but also#it's just the way he's been able to live for as long as he has [explodes]#midvalley calling him a demon/devil (iforget which word) and livio being like “victory seems impossible” when faced against him aughhh AUGH#he's clearly not invincible - vol 8 proved that when he almost did get beat if not for vash swooping back in... but the way he carries#the battles really makes it feel like it. especially whenever he “revives” for the sake of protecting another person. i.e. him getting#back up to defeat livio - him battered and worn from the fight but then pushing his body to get up when chapel aimed at the orphanage#and then despite the blood gushing out of him he still regained cautiousness to defend razlo at the end.... ugh.... ugh.....#anyway... i love how nightow draws ww - these were fun to do. ive been meaning to do these redraws esp from vol 9/10#and maybe ill go back to do redraws from his previous fights. all and all i just need to get down how he uses the punisher properly#ruporas art
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I put some fishnets on!!
Treat me ~ Tip Me ~ More of me
#fishnet friday#I managed to put some fishnets on today and I am very proud of myself.#Happy fishnet Friday to all those who may celebrate ✨#I am so exhausted and worn down rn but at least im a little bit delicious. I put my pjs over this instead of actual clothes#At least until I feel like taking some more pics 😂#satans knitwear#alt pinup#pinup girl#pretty lingerie#fishnet lingerie#cheeky
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3 extra people in your head = 4x the hairstyle opportunities
#yugioh arc v#ygo arc v#arc v#zuzu boyle#yuzu hiiragi#celina#serena#rin#lulu obsidian#ruri kurosaki#arc v art#my art#drawing this made me realize how much more similar zuzu + co. look to each other compared to yuya + co#zuzu and celina in particular have pretty much exactly the same hair just in different colors + worn differently#rin + lulu are the outliers with shorter + longer hair respectively but even they still have the two strands framing their face#i kinda struggled with rin tbh i feel like i don't have a good grasp on her personality and it comes across when i draw her#but i ended up feeling like high pigtails / low pigtails / high ponytail / low ponytail was a good contrast between everyone#(and rin with her hair down just looked like lulu)#their colors don't clash nearly as bad as yuya + co.'s do either so there's a bit more cohesion among them -#- which is ironic considering the boys are the ones with identity issues and the girls are the ones with greater independence comparatively#but i've said too much already...(tugs my hat down and walks away pensively)
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Life on the farm
#gopher art#mortal kombat#subscorp#mk subzero#mk scorpion#kuai liang#hanzo hasashi#mortal kombat legends#been holding onto this one for a bit! finished it more than a month ago lol#i was originally going to save it for subscorp week but then i was like. nah. that wouldnt be entirely fair lol#and besides. ive been wanting to share it for long enough and my resolve has kinda worn down#anyway - snowblind but AU'd! heres my concept of this (which i may use later on for something idk): king kano got his shit wrecked#like way before the events of the movie. by the revenants in fact. i want him torn to shreds. you still have random roving assholes#making trouble across the wastes. but its much less dire. kuai still retires to his farm. kenshi still falls for shang tsung's bullshit#and kuai mentors him. hanzo becomes warlord of netherrealm. BUT. he and kuai keep in contact. its long distance and they make it work#sometimes scorpion vacays to Kuai's farm. as a treat. thats what this drawing is#i cant deny that i literally just want them to be happy ok. thats literally all i want for these gay old ninjas#bonus commentary: at the time of drawing this i was still figuring out how i wanted to draw hanzo. he's so fucking hard to draw#when i draw him without his mask or beard he looks so fucking off. but if i draw him with the beard it feels weird too.#babygirl why are you so hard to draw?? dont you want me to draw you?????
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finally sending my busted old montblanc in for repairs after sitting on it for over a decade everyone wish me a not too expensive quote
#fountain pens#it was properly messed up. i spent a long time trying to fix it myself to little avail#its so special to me i really wanna see it working again someday and parts for its particular make are SUPER RARE#old man gave my mom a big bag of old pens as thanks for her help back when she worked at the bank and she gave it to me#and the montblanc was the one fountain pen in there and it was like a magical treasure to me#especially cus the nib feels SOOO good. it feels amazing#i can only assume the old man was left handed cus it's worn down in such a perfect way for me specifically#also embarrassing and sad but the damage was entirely caused by 14 year old me trying to take apart the piston to clean it#its my one big regret#whenever i think about the time machine to go back and fix something scenario the first thing that comes to mind is this pen#going back to teen me and saying PUT THE PEN DOWN IT LITERALLY JUST NEEDS TO SOAK IN SOME WATER AND A LITTLE FRESH SILICONE GREASE#my bemoanings
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UPDATE: A REASON FOR MY ABSENCE, A BRIEF SUMMARY
Normally I don't make posts about my life but I think I need to give an update to all the peeps out there about my random absences. I don't talk about my life a lot due to the amount of dysfunction and heartache that goes on behind the scenes that drain my will to be creative, to interact with everyone, to even live. It's like every year that goes on, there was something in the background that disrupted my life and mental state further.
First and foremost I've grown up a parentified child taking on responsibilities not mine to bear with no say in the matter. Being forced to give up my own childhood for my own parent's selfish decisions. Then I moved away from my mother's to my father's. Which wasn't even better from 2014-2019 living with him was very terrifying due to his anger issues and violence whenever I didn't do things his way. He had this expectation for me to go to college full time while working full time and expected me to pay for my own college and pay him rent. When I stopped going to school to focus on working, he would verbally and sometimes physically hurt me. I had lost a severe amount of weight due to the stress and decided to move back in with my mother in 2019.
Fast forward 2021 my father died of cancer and my mom is in a custody battle with one of her many baby daddies and looked to me for financial support since she hadn't worked in nearly a decade. I had started a new job around that time but my mental health was drained at that point.
Now in 2024 my mother has decided to bring my elderly and sick grandmother into the household where we don't have a lot of resources and we really aren't equipped to give her proper care. But now the table has turned where she has finally got a new job a month ago and I am not working currently. She decided to dump the task of taking care of a confused, incontinent, elderly grandmother onto. Even though my own mother never had anything good to say about her own mother and I don't have great experiences with my grandma either. But we have to take care of her because "we're family." Gimme a break.
So right now I'm a bit pissed, sad, tired, and a myriad of other unpleasant emotions. If you ever want to know why Koji is gone all the time. Here is your answer. Family life bullshit.
But not to worry, I've been working on trying to get myself out of this hole I've seemed to find myself in again. Because I do want to interact with all my new followers and old ones. It's just that I've been recovering from deep wounds.
#ooc#& the stoic facade shattered (ooc)#{To everyone wondering where my ass has gone this time. The explanation for my random comings and goings.}#{I don't take random hiatuses to be malicious or lazy but for health reasons}#{Also my mom is a hoarder and the only time the house is clean is if I clean it. living in chaos constantly has worn me down}#{I honestly feel like my muse so much since our lives seem to have been nothing but tragedy and heartache. Such fucking loneliness.}#{Roleplaying has been a small reprieve from the nightmare that is my family}#{Sorry for the rant but yeah this is D-mun y'all}#{I've been trying to get back into rping cause I miss you guys but life is hard sometimes.}
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This shot, though.
This shot is so good. At this exact moment, he’s staring at his reflection on the tokijin and says, “Useless”. They didn’t have to time it that way or have him staring at his reflection on his beaten down very worn sword as he said it, but they freaking did.
*goes feral* *gnaws through metal* *claws at the screen*
I freaking love this moment.
Are they using tokijin as a representation of his mental state? It feels like they’re using tokijin as a representation of his mental state. Which makes him using tenseiga to protect himself and his brother after even better, because tenseiga is a sword of healing.
#Sesshomaru your daddy issues are showing#sesshomaru#Inuyasha#swords of an honorable ruler#Inuyasha movie 3#he so obsessed with power and surpassing his father but he was given a sword of compassion#and he’s so busy fighting with Inuyasha instead of working together rhag they can’t kill their foe#but to Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru feels cheated and convinced Inu is the favored son. and that with their dad dead he can’t properly surpass#him. and because he is unable to surpass he’s unable to defeat who should be an otherwise easily defeated foe.#and then they frame the shot of him saying USELESS while looking at his reflection on his worn down sword#in this essay i will
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was thinking about arthur secretly removing the bullets from tommy's gun and then letting him walk into the field and how fucked up that was & how this is a reason why tommy seemingly avoided arthur for most of these four years & how this also contributed to arthur's downward spiral of guilt and shame & how he tried to rectify this by actively confronting tommy about the tuberculoma diagnosis ... and THEN right at the end he does the same fucking thing again by remaining absent from the feast and getting that suicide note to tommy through linda. truly character of all time
#the thing is arthur does blame him for the state he's in in s6 and tommy feels responsble for it#and by the end of s6 he's so worn down by all of it & he needs arthur and doesn't want him to go down the drain#so ... i don't think he'll really able then to do the same game of avoidance again when he comes back because he saw what happened#and that he nearly lost arthur; in many ways arthur got tommy where he wanted him to be (which is kind of sexy)#<- the last one is up for speculation we'll see what happens in the movey#no hate to arthur i love him so much. i hope he gets worse
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just saw someone misread kamen and fionas relationship so bad someone hold me back
#(scavengers reign on netflix now u should watch it tho)#kiddo say#spoilers ->#implying she's abusive towards kamen because shes cold to him 😐.......... fiona i will avenge you#the reason fiona is so cold towards him is because he's selfish and uncaring towards her. he has worn her down so much that#shes exhausted . she's trapped on the demeter with him with no other family. she gave up her whole life for him and he doesnt#even care about how she feels . just how she feels about him and how he can brag when he feels big and important#he only panics around her when he realises she could leave him because he's just kind of pathetic and doesnt have shit without her#bc kamen wears people down . he's unwilling to work on himself or listen to others thats why he corrupts the hollow#and why him and sam fail to communicate. theyre both too stubborn. but unlike kamen sam does actually care abt his crew#shes given up on the relationship so she fails to communicate but theres only so much she can rly do at that point like. shes so tired#you know what i mean ..#he only cries and regrets what he did when he's confronted by it stranded alone on vesta minor and even then he wont confront it#he lets hollow absorb him#(this also doesnt mean that kamen isnt interesting and tragic. because he is. its just his own doing)
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Yknow Karkat passing out after seeing Tavros's legs being saw off is a pretty normal reaction to the situation but it could also had been his body shutting down at the slightlest scare because he hadnt been sleeping for a whole fucking month
#homestuck#karkat vantas#like i feel like all the trolls are at least a bit worn down to seeing gore and blood because of alternia#but also he saw it in person instead of tv so theres also that#tavros nitram
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Was soooooo happy with this phase 1 which is what made it so much funnier that I was immediately clapped by his phase 2 😂
#romina is still my fave boss but messmer is a solid second#almost every other boss I would describe as “would’ve been good if their damage wasn’t so overtuned”#my stance if that if I’m consistently losing to a boss with 10/14 flasks left the damage is overtuned#vs me losing to sword saint isshin with no gourds or pellets left bc he was tough enough to whittle me down#fromsoft bros will say get good but think high numbers is big difficulty#an actually difficult boss doesn’t need big damage output if the mechanics are the challenge#I don’t actually mind how relentless the bosses are in ER but I mind how HARD they hit on top of that#dodging a 12 hit uninterruptible combo where each move does like 1/10th of your health? that’s fine.#if I properly time 3 of those dodges I can still make it and it’s honestly my bad if I’m getting killed by that#dodging a 12 hit uninterruptible combo where each hit takes out 1/2 of ur health bar & has a 50% chance for an additional retaliation combo?#I *can* do it but Jesus Christ what a waste of my time lmao#how am I supposed to learn a boss when I can’t get into a flow state bc a single mistake can end a run smh#I just beat gaius and I didn’t even feel accomplished I was just like ugh finally#I feel like 95% of his moves are fine once you work out the delays and positioning#but I kept getting clipped by his charge attack like I would dodge out of the way but once the i frames were finished I’d still get hit#bc I guess I wasn’t dodging a perfect 90 degrees to him and the hitbox for that attack is long as hell#which would be whatever if that move didn’t take out like 2/3 of my health and come out nigh instantly#I don’t even really know the tell for the move bc I beat him before I learned it bc I lucked out on a run where he didn’t charge me a lot#luckily the game is absolute DELIGHT to look at and explore that I can forgive the absolute bullshittery of the bosses#like I just got to the summit of dragon peak and I’m blown away by the design of that mountain#if we’re talking verisimilitude in games how about that whole shebang#no obvious well worn path up to the top of the mountain bc it’s just for dragons who’s gonna be walking up there?#having the player follow a trail of increasingly dense dragon corpses is SUCH a great tone setter#which means I’m probably going to hate bayle but whatever I’m already invested let’s gooooo#tsuchi plays games
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Just when I think the day's going well, I crash a golf cart
#summer camp tag#ace is a mess#i do not have a drivers license and i havent even been behind the wheel in like 4 years since i stopped lessons cus of the pandemic#the day was going fine i got loads done didnt feel like i was irritating my director too bad#doing some paperwork for her and she says when im done well take the golf cart out while its not currently raining#im like ooh fun never been in a golf cart before i see the higher up staff in them im not gonna say no to chilling in a golf cart#i did not realise that meant i would be driving esp when she asked if id been in one before and i said no#she then asked if i could drive and i said not really thought that would be it#cus i was supposed to be studying for my theory before working towards my practical#but no she insists im driving and first off i gotta reverse outta this bay now at least i didnt have to think about gears#but i hate tryna figure out how to turn whilst in reverse in mess with my brain im not great with shape visualisation#we do all our stops its fine for the most part a lil too fast going down some of the hills#and some tight turns but my turns were always like that cus im too busy focusing on the most immediate thing#we get back i park fine and then shes like oh actually there are some more stops we can make so i reverse and turn back out#do our two stops with only minimal confusion about direction then as i go to park into the bay we came from#shes like oh actually park in the bay closest to the health centre and what i should have done was reversed and adjusted my angle#instead i drove directly into the supporting beam separating the two bays 🙃😭#i immediately turn the cart off and expect her to switch with me instead shes like laughing it off oh it was just a little bump it was fine#im like it was not that was a loud ass bang i feel so bad and then she lifts up the light cover i broke off saying its just a scratch#and i feel worse so pf course thats when the camp director comes out to check on the noise and i dont think ive ever worn a guiltier look#but theyre both laughing it off oh just having a little driving lesson :) and i am mortified#she gets back in the cart and shes still insisting that its fine and i should still park after that which i do with great trepidation#but there are no more problems and the lights still work but the cover does need fixing and i just oh my god#ive never crashed before never clipped or scratched a car so of course id crash the golf cart trying to park of all things 😭
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Fem!Vil and Fem!Leona would be butch af I cannot be convinced otherwise
#also i feel like people like to make fem!trey kinda butch too - but i feel like she'd be feminine with a slightly more muscular build#due to helping her parents at the bakery and stuff. she'd still have her hat too#also I always picture her with a kinda chic bob (Cater's influence)#uhhh what other random HCs shall I drop in the tags#Fem!Riddle would have a bun like her mum pre-OB and change her hairstyle to being worn down or in pigtails afterwards#because as a child she was scolded for having her hair styled so 'childishly' even though she really liked having her hair like that#that's all i can think of rn lol
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My body is just serotonin deprived, even with medication, and I just really want to have Stan here to get me through this. I just keep scrolling anything of him, and holding my plush, and trying not to miss him, but I do. July is just a nightmare, and I feel catatonic. I miss Stan, I miss my best friend, I don't want to be home, but I do, and I just need a hug from Stan, and him to just be here.
#stan pines#stanley pines#i miss him#i feel so isolated#and sick#and just worn down#and broke#and alone#i just want peace
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