#I feel like there isn't a single person who would hear me out without either abandoning me or permanently backing off on our friendship

[musical-chick-13]

*sigh* I think. I think I'm gonna have to find somewhere to Talk About It.

[waldau-archived]

little things — jeon wonwoo | 1,497 words | fluff

(or, three things that remind you wonwoo's another person like you, and not just one of the most popular idols in the world)

sometimes i shell walnuts for my family because (incoherent sounds) (something akin to peeling an orange for people you love) (they love walnuts more than i do)

gender neutral reader. warnings: none.

you know for a fact that jeon wonwoo is a superstar.

he's extremely popular. he travels the world for his work. you're not the only person in the world who has a crush on him or is in love with him. but you are the only person who gets to have him like this — watching him do the dishes while you're sitting on the sink counter and kicking your feet, wearing his hoodie.

you both share your household chores, but he's made sure you don't touch a single spoon or bowl because of all the cooking you do. and you're definitely not going to complain when you get to watch him work, his muscles flexing as he meticulously dries every dish he's washed.

he's currently talking about something mingyu did in practice but you're not really paying attention to his words. you're just...watching him.

he's used to it at this point in your relationship, but he still gets flustered sometimes, like he is now. you can tell by the way his head is bowed and there's a small smile on his face, and there's no doubt he's blushing, if he's going to let you look at him.

"take a picture," he says without looking up. "it'll last longer."

when you don't reply, he looks up to find you staring at him in no doubt a lovesick manner, and you're right. he is blushing, and you're filled with the sudden urge to drag him away from the dishes and kiss him silly.

"did you hear a word i said?"

"no," you say easily, finding no point in trying to act like you were listening. you're more enthralled by the fact that one of the most popular idols in the world is washing dishes in a kitchen he shares with you. dishes that are a result of an impromptu baking session at two in the morning because neither of you could sleep.

it makes you feel small for some reason, so you just scoot closer to where he's standing.

"tell me again?"

wonwoo shakes his head. "mingyu would be happy to tell you—" he cuts himself off with the most uncharacteristic, un-wonwoo sound you've heard in your life. you don't think he's ever made that sound before.

you jump off the counter to witness wonwoo wiggling his arms like those floaty things in car dealerships, like he's got a spider on his arm or something.

you're almost too afraid to ask if it is a spider because it's always wonwoo who chases away the insects in your house, but all he does is show you the sleeves of his sweatshirt. they're wet and dripping water onto the floor. you can't help but let out a little giggle despite trying your best not to.

"it's your fault," wonwoo says, pushing his sleeves up and wincing.

"excuse me?"

"your fault for sitting there and being so pretty. looking at me."

it's not often that wonwoo's what you'd call sappy, especially with his words. you hold his face in your hands, taking in the blush that's deepened when he realizes what he's said out loud. who knew your boyfriend could sing and dance for hours on end and do stuff like bungee jumping only to be defeated by wet sleeves?

"i'll do them if you read me something to sleep."

"deal."

you get startled awake by the sound of a rhythmic tapping. wonwoo isn't next to you, either. your hand reaches out to the most threatening thing you can find to defend yourself with, but you're not sure your bedside lamp is an ideal option.

"wonwoo?" you call out, hoping it's him and no one else.

the tapping sound stops immediately.

"i'm outside," he calls out, and you let out a sigh of relief. slipping into wonwoo's hoodie, you make your way to the living room, the marble floor underneath your feet cold enough to sting.

wonwoo's sitting on the floor, seemingly unbothered by the cold. when he spots you, he opens his arms wordlessly to let you settle down into his lap. he runs cold, just like you do, which gives you all the more reason to cuddle him.

"sorry, sweetheart," he says, kissing your cheek. "i didn't mean to wake you up."

"you didn't," you say, not entirely untruthfully. you'd been half-awake before you heard the sound of whatever he'd been doing in his living room. it's then that you realize there's a hammer next to his feet, a newspaper spread out before him, half filled with...walnuts? the other half of the paper has empty shells.

"what..."

"you said we ran out of walnuts yesterday, so i went to the farmer's market when you were at work. they taste really good. we should go together this week."

"...just because i said the salad could use some walnuts?"

"just because."

you turn to hide your face , blaming the early hours of the morning for all the mushiness you're feeling. your boyfriend, who has practice in a few hours, and needs his sleep more than you do, is sitting on the cold floor of your living room shelling walnuts for your salad like there's nothing else he'd rather do.

"you're too good to me."

"i'm just perfect for you," he grins, and you respond by tousling his hair till it's a mess of your liking. it's not long before you've learned how to shell them without hurting your thumb, wonwoo feeding you a stray walnut every now and then.

wonwoo's gaming setup is grander than you expected one to be. it's probably because you weren't really familiar with gaming apparatus before wonwoo, but it's also probably because he just really loves gaming.

it's not just a gaming pc with a fancy keyboard and the usual gaming chair — it's two huge screens next to each other, lighting underneath the desk and in front of him so it's good for when he needs to stream himself, as well as the usual clutter of his desk. you can tell he's as passionate about it as he is with the important things in his life.

not to mention the little polaroids of you and him, him and his friends, and some cats he's photographed strung up together that came about when he pulled you in one afternoon and asked you to help him decorate the place a bit better.

even though it's not your cup of tea, you really enjoy watching wonwoo game. he knows and likes it just as much as you do. you know wonwoo's down for teaching you whatever game you want to learn whenever the two of you are free, but you'd much rather just watch him be so focused on trying to level up. it's kind of hot, really.

there had been this one time you pulled up a chair to watch wonwoo game with seungcheol, hoshi and vernon. he spent a good chunk of time explaining the rules of the game to the others because they'd never heard of it before, but he lost his train of thought halfway through the game and kept giggling sporadically.

you really had no idea of what had been going on, and wonwoo had to take breaks in between, laughing and explaining the unfortunate situation of vernon blowing up his character again and again, repeatedly promising it was a mistake and not something he was doing for laughs.

after that, wonwoo bought a pair of earphones just so you could listen in on conversations with his friends when it wasn't a professional livestream. hearing hoshi swear repeatedly was just as funny as trying to stop yourself from laughing loud enough to alert the others of your presence.

the thing is, wonwoo's always tried to make space for you in his life in whatever little ways he can, and you're reminded of it when he lets out a soft curse, fumbling with something in his hands.

it's those same earphones you use when you sit with him and watch him play. you haven't gotten the time to use them recently, because of your busy schedules, so it's a pleasant surprise to see them in the outside world, in the walk you're currently on. but they're tangled up so badly that wonwoo isn't able to undo them.

you take them from him with his permission and untangle them quite easily. maybe you should get back to using them more often with him.

"wouldn't headphones be more convenient, though?"

wonwoo looks at you like you've asked him why it's not okay to call yourself a tiger.

"then how am i supposed to listen to music with you?"

oh, you think.

jeon wonwoo might be a superstar. he might travel the world for his work and have people in love with him to some extent, but to you, he's your boyfriend. your wet sleeves-fearing, walnut-shelling, earphones-owning boyfriend. which is simply a lot of words for the best boyfriend in the world.

[that-basic-simp]

Touch Her, I Dare You

Mizu X Fem!Reader CW: Blood, Loss of limbs WC: 1.1k+

I knew Mizu was protective, I just wasn't expecting her to be so protective over me. Every time we go somewhere, she is either standing very close by or literally on top of me. It was a bit awkward at first, since I would turn and she'd be right behind me or whenever I tried to talk to someone in private, she would be standing there, just watching the person.

"You don't need to protect me, you know," I said to Mizu.

"I know I don't need to. I want to."

"How noble of you," I rolled my eyes.

"Hey, either I offer protection, or you'll end up somewhere you don't want to be. So it's your choice. The former or the latter."

I let out a sigh. She was right. She was the reason I wasn't in a brothel somewhere lying with men I don't want to be with.

"Fine," I sighed.

"Besides," she pinned me to a wall, her hand trailing softly up the side of my thigh and to my hip, where she rested her hand there. Rubbing little circles against my hip, she leaned towards me.

"Wouldn't want you to get hurt. The pretty little girl that you are," she smirked at me.

"M-Mizu."

My feelings for Mizu were obvious to the point she commented about it within minutes. It was how I looked into her eyes and complimented them any chance I could get. While I heard people disgrace her eyes and tell her she was something she wasn't, I thought that she needed to hear how much I loved them. It wasn't because she needed to hear it, I wanted to tell her. It was the truth. I did love her eyes. I loved her. But whatever we had going on between us wasn't really official. I don't even think Mizu understands her own feelings. It was times like this where I questioned her feelings and her flirtatious nature only around me. Maybe she did have feelings for me, but didn't know how to act upon it. Oh this touch starved and emotionally unavailable human she was. She was insufferable, but again, I chose her.

She leaned close to me, our lips mere inches apart. Right when she was about to press her lips against mine, she pulled back. Just another graze. She was such a fucking tease and she knew it. Smirking at me, she pulled her entire body away, sitting down in the corner of the noodle shop we were in. We were sort of in the back where no one really paid attention to us. Which was Mizu's choice of course. Sighing, I sat down across from her, shooting a glare in her direction.

"What?" she asked, a smug smirk on her lips.

"You're such a fucking tease," I grumbled.

"And you aren't at times?"

"Not as much as you are, Mizu."

She shrugged and someone walked over to us, setting tea and noodles down.

"Well, aren't you a beautiful one."

Turning, a man was standing before Mizu and I. His eyes were on me and I could tell, without even looking, that Mizu was staring him down. I just flashed him a smile before turning to begin eating the noodles that were served.

"What brings a beauty such as yourself out here?"

"Beat it," Mizu said, deepening her voice. Oh I loved it when she did that.

"Was I talking to you?" he turned towards Mizu, a stifled laugh coming from him. "Can you even see through those glasses of yours? You look like a blind beggar."

"I think people need to get more clever with their insults. Every single one of them has been used."

I smiled, almost cracking into a small laugh. The man looked in between me and Mizu before stepping towards her. He grabbed Mizu by her cloak and lifted her up.

"Who do you think you are?"

"Please, we just want to eat."

"And I am trying to talk to a pretty lady. A lady who deserves better company."

He stepped towards me once more, about to place a hand on my shoulder. Mizu removed her sword from the belt, but it was still in its sheath. Placing the end of it underneath his chin, he glared her way.

"Now who do you think you are?"

"Touch her. I dare you," Mizu stared down at his hands. "With hands like yours, I'm sure noodles isn't the only thing you touch."

He smirked darkly, "You would vomit at the things these hands have touched."

"Hope you washed them before serving food."

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

That was it. I wasn't eating these noodles. Not after that.

"Seems you tarnished the lady's appetite," Mizu said.

"I can help her regain it back," he pushed Mizu's sheathed sword away from him.

Kneeling down, he reached over, about to take my kimono into his hands. Mizu, removing her sword now, placed the blade underneath his chin, forcing his head back.

"Last warning. Touch her. I dare you."

He turned his head and smirked, "Never dare someone to do anything."

He placed a firm hand on my shoulder and within a blink of an eye, his entire hand was laying on the ground. Blood poured out of the wound and he grabbed the nub with his only hand, screaming as his eyes bulged in fear.

"Want the other hand, too?" Mizu asked, placing her blade at his wrist.

He slowly turned his head to look up at Mizu, who had a dark glare in her eyes. Quickly, he stood up and grabbed his hand, running off. Sheathing her sword, she offered her hand to me. Taking it, she pulled me up and we walked out of the noodle shop. Others were watching, but I didn't really care at this point. I smiled, knowing the great lengths Mizu would do to keep me safe. It showed as her arm was around my waist, holding me close to her.

"You ok?" she asked after we were a good ways away from that village.

"I am. Thank you, Mizu."

She smiled at me. It was a rare smile only I got to see. And it wasn't her cocky smile she brandished whenever she won a fight or something. It was her genuine smile.

"Can I see your eyes?" I turned to face her.

She stopped and nodded. Pushing back the Kasa to where is sat at the back of her head, she reached up and removed the orange tinted glasses. Once her stark, ice like blue eyes were revealed, I couldn't help myself but cup her face in my hands and pull her in for a sweet and gentle kiss. Pulling away once it was finished, a soft look appeared in her eyes as her smile that was already there softened.

"Thank you, Mizu."

"No one lays a hand on you. Not ever."

"Only you," I smirked, winking at her.

Her face flushed a bright pink as I walked off, chuckling to myself.

[somethingpersonarelated]

On simplifying Akechi

My brain was ridden with these ideas people have about Akechi that piss me off a little. Mostly ones that say he is "just crazy" or "just hates Joker." There's countless metaposts countering these arguments (and they are absolutely wonderful) but I often wonder WHY simplifying Akechi down is so appealing, even to people who are fans of his character. I can't say I've never been immune to simplifications of his character either, and I feel like that's important to admit. I don't even think it's necessarily a bad thing, but I was wondering about that why question.

TW: Discussions of mental health and child abuse

Source: A high schooler's holiday from the P5 Comic Anthology (read it here!)

I do think it's hard for all of the little things Akechi's character builds upon to be conveyed through a single playthrough. If you go in blind or don't finish his confidant, you may only get that surface level exploration of his character. Base Akechi is flashy and still gets the point across that it needs to: he's a foil to Joker and the PTs. However, by missing out on his social links and special events, you miss cultural, relationship, and personal context.

Many words have been said about the translation, particularly in the engine room, being faulty in areas. But some people still don't understand that Akechi's plan isn't to kill Shido, even when the text makes that clear. There's also this scene with Shido, which reads more as an exposition dump in a long section of the game most players will either tune out or skip. Not everything you see will always stick in your head, and Persona is a LONG game. I feel like it's easy to forget people just... forget canon sometimes. It's easier to put these details aside and say Akechi isn't affected by the system he's raised in. But the reality is, you miss what Lavenza says about Akechi's role, you miss that one exposition scene, and you miss the confidant: you believe Akechi had much more autonomy than was actually true. In conversations I've had with people IRL about Persona, 2/3 either skipped or did not finish Akechi's confidant. It isn't improbable, playtimes can range from 100-300 hours, most playthroughs take weeks. People will forget things. It isn't a maybe, it WILL happen.

When the game feeds you so much information, it's also easier to take what the characters say at face value. Doing this with Akechi will bite your ass. Those words in Rank 8 are directly expanded upon in No More What Ifs, the engine room, and 2/2. Maruki and Morgana confirm Akechi doesn't hate Joker, but you never hear Akechi say it himself. To me the game beats you over the head with this information (as the game has a tendency to do for certain situations), but I've also been in the rabbit hole for over a year now.

There's also this idea that recognizing that Akechi was set up by Yaldabaoth, his upbringing, and Shido means that all the venom is taken away from his actions. That isn't true, and Akechi holds to that in third semester. He doesn't give himself any grace for the situation he landed in, wanting to take accountability for it when it is undone without his consent. Akechi is by no means a perfect victim, and he doesn't believe that either. Recognizing that he had no choice, it was either homelessness and neglect or the plan he conjured himself only brings to light the tragedy of his situation, not whether his actions were morally incorrect. He wanted his father to be in his life, and he wanted his father to suffer. He wanted to have someone like Ren in his life, and he couldn't have someone like Ren because his plan would be jeopardized. It's a series of choices, some of which are forced upon him, some of which he chooses himself. That is an important distinction to make.

There's also this idea that Akechi is 'just crazy,' or never suffered from abuse or events that affected him long term. That he doesn't suffer from unspecified mental health conditions or trauma, and chose everything with a clear mind. When someone brings up this argument, it's usually in response to people talking about his life experiences. That somehow, the existence of trauma or a condition is an excuse for whatever he did. There's a double standard here: Akechi is someone who suffers from a condition that makes him 'plain crazy', simplifying his entire motivation and role in the story, while also removing him from the context of his mother, Shido, and his experience with the foster system. Actually interacting with these facets of his character brings to light the challenging things the story asks you to think about when it comes to Akechi: Is he a victim? Is he like the Phantom Thieves? What about his situation informed his choices? Interacting with this requires effort and an actual acknowledgement about what it means to be someone that suffers from trauma. Calling him 'plain crazy' not only is in disservice of textual analysis, but more importantly incorrect (and frankly, it falls straight into ableist tropes about mental health).

Sometimes internet debates/discourse lead to simplification, even just random headcanons may lead to simplification. That isn't always bad. There are many ways to say what I said here in fewer words. I, unfortunately, am not skilled enough to do that. But some of these simplifications lead to entirely incorrect judgements about a character, or even about mental health issues. When that happens, I wish people would learn to reflect about what that means when they interact with a piece of media. Or even with other people.

tldr: people should learn to say they just don't like things instead of coming up with excuses that make no sense. basically

[cannibalbuffe]

hi! I've honestly been craving some qpr headcanons with Alastor as someone who's also aroace! The concept piques my curiosity so much considering most of the stuff with him is purely romantic (no offense to those writers, I just wanna see more qpr stuff! :])

Of course! But do forgive me, annon, I got so carried away with this 😅. I just really like Alastor a lot.

I ended up writing some backstory to your relationship first, but I highlighted the start of the proper qpr headcanons if you feel like skipping that.

Obligatory I'm sorry if this is ooc, I'm still getting used to writing about these characters. This is also all based on my own perception of him.

(Also, I am aware that qprs are very different from one another and there is no single mold for a qpr, I'm just going off of what I think it would be like with Alastor.)

Uhh, I also finished this at 1 AM, so forgive any mistakes. And I'm pretty sure I changed the verb conjugations(? Is this how you say that in English?) from present to past at some point. Sorry. Enough with the A/Ns now. Hope you enjoy!

Alastor queerplatonic relationship headcanons

(gender neutral reader, Alastor x reader)

‼️Trigger-warning‼️: mentions of cannibalism (not graphic), a single mention of tongue-kissing and making out (spoiler: he doesn't want either of those things in this work.) Usage of the word queer, but not as a slur. Alastor is a grandpa and you have to explain LGBTQ+ stuff to him, but he gets it.

› At first, before you were close, it's likely that he didn't see you as an equal.

› Truly, in his eyes, it seems not really is his equal. He is the most powerful overlord in hell and he knows it.

› Unless you are someone he holds in high regard (and this is mostly based on vibes, barely anything to do with power, as we can see by how he is with Lucifer of all people) before your first meeting, like Zestial, you won't be on equal footing at first.

› You only really start getting close when his perception of you shifts.

› You respect his boundaries, you are interesting, you and him share quite a few interests (or not really, but you're at least interested in hearing about his), and you're, surprisingly, pretty wise and mature.

› And caring. I personally believe he would be drawn to that in a way that he may not even understand fully- or realize it at all.

› Still, the point is. He respects you, and you respect him.

› (And not in the way some others do, where they're only "respectful" out of fear. You would act like this regardless of his power.)

› This, by the way, is important. You don't treat him like a superior, but as an equal.

› You'd think someone like him would love to be treated like a superior, and it's true. He very much does.

› But he has to admit to himself that it does feel nice whenever someone isn't shaking in their boots and can hold really good conversations with him while still not being pushy, annoying or just generally disrespectful.

› Anyways.

› Ever since you became friends (which took long), one could say, you just kept becoming closer and closer.

› You were the first one to be vulnerable with him, of course. It happened on accident, but you trusted him enough for that.

› You were also the first one to share any more intimate information with him. Something you wouldn't tell just anyone.

› Between this, your conversations, and maybe even helping each other around (honestly, he probably helps you more than you do him, but you always offer it and always in a sweet way, never condescending, and he appreciates that.)

› He eventually felt more comfortable sharing personal things with you too.

› (He may have distanced himself a bit when he realized this, but it was short-lived. You can't be without each other for so long, and you were pretty upset at his suddenly withdrawal. You may not have mentioned it to him, but he could tell, and as much as he hated to admit it, it hurt him to see you sad because of him.)

› This marks the beginning of the path toward your queerplatonic relationship.

› I mean, you didn't initially label it as such, but it definitely started there.

› Surprisingly, I feel like the first one to ever do any sort of affectionate gesture towards the other was him.

› You knew he didn't like to be touched, so you didn't.

› But! He just started getting more and more comfortable with touching you. At first it was hands on your shoulders, or putting his arm over them.

› I can even see a head pat or two, which he probably passed off as some sort of joke the first few times, but, if you liked them so much, just became a thing he does to you.

› And then one day you, completely absent-mindedly, intertwined your arm with his while walking around.

› When you noticed you had done it and he hadn't said anything, you questioned him about it.

› "Alastor, I'm sorry I didn't ask... is this alright?"

› "This?... Oh, you mean the arms? Ah, dear, don't worry, if it weren't I would have simply told you so!"

› From them on you only got more and more physically affectionate with each other. At first you would usually be the one to start it, but eventually you were both shockingly equal in doing so.

› (You still would always ask if you could touch him beforehand, but after a while he just gave you a free-pass.)

› Not a lot in public, though. Mostly just hand holding, or intertwining arms (if in public, that is.)

› Alastor also was so protective of you. You were the person he treasured most, after all.

› Well, demon.

› Even if you told him you were going to be okay, he would watch out nonetheless. He couldn't afford to lose you, not when he's never trusted and cared for a person this much.

› You two also cuddle a lot. You were the first one to ask, as usual, but now both of you feel weird sleeping alone.

› Alastor loves being the big spoon, if you're doing that.

› But he is also quite fond of occasionally being the little spoon, although he wouldn't be caught dead admitting it.

› A hobby you two do together is cooking. Cooking with Alastor is fun... especially if you're okay with cannibalism.

› But if you don't like that, he won't insist, of course.

› He's pretty good at cooking, though! If you're also good at it, then great. If not, he'll tease you about it (in a friendly way), but still teach you.

› On teasing, he teases you quite a bit, but never in a mean way. If you don't mind, of course.

› You also may tease him occasionally, but he doesn't appreciate you teasing him in public.

› The two of you also have a good amount of inside jokes that probably confuse the hell out of the others.

› Kissing... well. I don't really see Alastor as the type who would enjoy kissing on the lips too much.

› Tongue is out of question for him, as well as any sort of making out, but otherwise... if you like it, he can do that for you.

› He might actually like a peck or two. An acquired taste for him. Don't overdo it, though.

› Of course, him being from the 1930s and not very familiar with anything LGBTQ+ related, he would, at first, be somewhat confused by the request.

› You would probably have to explain to him that nothing is inherently romantic, especially not if you don't want it to be.

› "A kiss on the lips? Well... we aren't courting, Y/n."

› "We can put our own meanings to things, though. Would you like this kiss to be romantic?"

› "Definitely not!"

› "Well, me neither. So it's not!"

› "... That is very sound logic! I can't believe I've never thought of this myself."

› Kisses on the rest of the face are something else, though. He does enjoy it whenever you kiss him on the cheek. He himself might occasionally kiss you on the forehead.

› But overall I don't think he's big on kissing.

› If you want to really solidify that you're in a queerplatonic relationship you'd also have to explain what that means to him, sorry.

› Again, he's old and not up to date with things.

› Thankfully he understands things easily.

› "I see... I suppose we do have quite the queer relationship, don't we? And it is certainly platonic. I don't see why not!"

› Going back to vulnerability. It will never feel fully natural for him to just be vulnerable with you — or anyone else, for the matter.

› (In case you couldn't tell, he's using the word queer as meaning odd (and doing a little pun. You know. Because it's a. Queerplatonic relationship. Queer. Hehehehe), as it defies the norm of what a platonic relationship usually looks like, despite being one.)

› But you know him well enough at this point to recognize whenever there's something going on with him.

› And if you show concern and give him enough time he will share whatever it is with you.

› If it's not anything too big he might even reach out to you first.

› He can also read you like a book and gives surprisingly good advice, and is also pretty good at comforting you.

› You are the only person allowed at his studio while he's live on the radio. You usually read as he speaks in the background, his voice is very relaxing. He enjoys having you around.

› He's also particularly gentlemanly to you, more than to the others. When you're with him you never have to open a single door yourself, for one. If it's raining, he'll hold the umbrella for the two of you. When walking together on the sidewalk, he's always on the side closest to the street instead of you.

› You two often go out for dinner. If you also fancy some cannibalism, he will definitely show you his favorite restaurants around. If not he will just pick the best non-cannibal places (but you know those are not his favorites, haha.)

› He just cares about you a lot, even if it took him long to admit (it may have seemed fast-paced during this, but Alastor is someone who really takes long to get close to.)

› And you care about him lot too!

› (And you're probably never going to be in a life-threatening situation again, at least not at the hands of most demons. Who would ever want trouble with Alastor?)

[aetherghouls]

I personally believe that Simon's gods awful father would use religious guilt and religion in general against young Simon.

The same man that doesn't care for any god, that breaks all the commandments and laughs at Simon for even believing; he'd absolutely weaponize the very religion Simon's mother, Tommy and himself use as an escape.

It's not like Simon has ever been very religious in the first place, but their local church was a respite from his father and it was something. His mother had been taking him and Tommy there every week, sometimes more often, because it was the only real place where they could be a family without him.

Don't get me wrong though, Simon as a child? He absolutely did believe, he prayed every damn day, begging God to save them, so they wouldn't have to suffer by his father's hand any longer, because they all did. Their life was a living hell and gods, did they suffer.

The older Simon gets, though? The longer his father uses his own religion against him and his family? The longer he says things along the lines of "what would your god say, kid? Disobeying your father? You listen to me and do as I say, isn't that what your God would want from you? Isn't that what they preach in this church of yours?"

It's either threatening the rest of the family because Simon is the oldest child and he feels protective over the rest of them or using the church against him. Two ways to get him to obey and don't say a fucking word, because Simon wants to be a good son for his mother, he doesn't want to be like his father and he needs to protect them.

Because other than fear, this man had nothing to hold Simon by. He is Simon's father by blood, but nothing else and Simon Riley had known that since he was old enough to comprehend what was going on around him.

So the older Simon gets, the more he just cannot stand anything about the religion because why is it constructed in a way that allows abusers to use it against their victims? And why doesn't God hear them out? He has been praying every single day, begging for it to get better, for a life that isn't just a constant suffering, yet it never comes.

Why does a god who's supposed to love His creations just leaves them to suffer this fate?

By the time he joins the army, he is not a believer anymore.

He prays one more time in his life though, the day when he tries to get back to his home before them, to make sure his family is safe. He hadn't prayed even once when he was in Mexico, when Roba had him, never did pray for his own salvation after he stopped praying for his father to be gone. But them? His brother, sister in law, nephew and mother? He prays for them to be fine, because that's the only and last thing he cares about in this world, even his own life doesn't hold any meaning anymore. He's here to make sure they are safe.

And God fails him one last time that day, for Simon Riley never has a real reason to turn to Him ever again.

Because he doesn't trust that God could keep Johnny safe, because all God did so far was disappoint him, fail him and those he loved.

And to be fair, he's afraid. That if he even thinks about praying ever again, he will lose Johnny too, the same way he lost his family; because the catholic God is cruel.

Also catholic guilt this catholic guilt that, Simon never feels guilty for killing, not in the way catholic guilt eats away at someone; God doesn't care about any suffering, so He cannot care if people kill one another, that's not where the catholic guilt comes in

It's Johnny. It's always Johnny.

Because for the first days, weeks, months, it feels wrong.

It had with any other man ever before that, but it's always passed with them. A temptation that didn't last for too long, the priest's and his father's words ringing in his ears whenever he even considered anything like that. But John MacTavish? It doesn't pass. It's always present, God, it gets stronger every fucking day he has to work with Johnny, so when they are in Las Almas and Graves betrays them, while he doesn't know where and how Johnny is? Before they meet up again? Simon has enough time waiting to realise that it's not just an infatuation that can pass as soon as it comes, because he's in love and he doesn't know what to do, because the wave of guilt that overcomes him, guilt caused by the very God who took away everything from him, it's nauseating, makes him feel small in a way nothing has since he got out from his father's claws. He has to take a moment to just breathe and pull himself back together, otherwise he would fail; fail the mission, himself, Price, Los Vaqueros, but most importantly, he'd fail Johnny.

And that, he cannot allow himself to do.

hello hello I am heavily projecting my own religious trauma onto Simon Riley in this one 🫶

as if bro didn't have enough trauma of his own lmao. Please don't eat me it came to me in a dream last night (not really in a dream) and after I made my friends suffer I came to a conclusion that I need to make more people suffer 🫡 bye

also I may or may not be cooking the other side of this for Soap haha (aka how I personally think Johnny sees religion)

[aireia]

And now I'm burning brighter than your dreams. — He grieves for you.

Extra notes: Read part 1 here! The fic makes just about 0 sense without it unfortunately.

tw/cw: minor spoilers for chapter 261. no pronouns used for reader but uses she/her in first part. death. angst with little fluff. hurt with a little comfort. minor implications of suicidal thoughts. dreaming. mentions of blood. minor violence. blades. death. injuries. author's first language still isn't english. no beta we die like everyone. wc: 6.8K

note: This fic makes 0 sense to me. It sucks ass, but there's 2 days till my birthday so I decided to become a genshin character and send you guys a gift (angst) instead of someone sending me gifts instead. I also have no idea how to tag this. —masterlist

y/n l/n’s death has been confirmed by second grade sorcerer Megumi Fushiguro.

It’s been a few weeks since your death. Has it really been that long?

It's spring. The seasons have just shifted, and it’s still cold early in the morning. Megumi tries his best to get out of bed every morning, but the chilly breeze in the morning doesn’t help at all. It’s been like that for the past few weeks. He’d feel the cold air in the morning, and his mind would flash back to the time where he was holding you in his arms.

He remembers everything. It was especially cold on that winter night, which meant bodies got cold way faster after dying. He remembers wanting to get your corpse back to jujutsu high as quickly as possible, but that meant he would’ve parted from you faster than he would have ever wanted. In fact, if there were a choice, he doesn’t think he could ever let go of you.

Megumi remembers telling himself to hold you for just a while longer after you began to get cold, to give you the warmth you deserved. You’re a child too, just like he is, and from his knowledge, most, if not all children hated the cold. 

He doesn’t remember being a selfish person. He’s only been like that once, for all he can recollect. Although he knows how he was when he cradled your body. His lips were trembling, his arms desperately trying to keep you close. He didn’t shed many tears, no, but he remembers his throat threatening to spill words such as “don’t go” or “don’t leave me”, yet he choked on all of them. 

Megumi was certain it wouldn’t have cursed you, considering you were killed by a cursed tool, but for the short period of time you were hanging onto the thread of consciousness you had left, he was sure he would’ve cursed not you, but himself to death with his words had you heard him. 

He hasn’t been doing much either. Every single day has been a constant loop for him where he struggles to get out of bed, does a bit of training, eats a bit, and heads back to sleep earlier than he usually would. His mind keeps yelling at himself that he’s being pathetic, and that you were the same as the people who come and go in a jujutsu sorcerer’s life. Despite that, he doesn’t quite understand why every part of him refuses. 

Megumi doesn’t dream about you often. In fact, he hasn’t dreamt of you for over a month now. It's for the better, he thinks, and he hopes it stays that way. Though, there's a part of him that wishes he could see you every time he closes his eyes, then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. No, actually, screw that. Your name has rotted in everyone’s mouths. It tastes like vomit and dust on their tongues. 

“They didn’t even give you a proper burial,” Megumi thought to himself before his eyelids finally closed. He doesn’t know what they did to you after he turned your corpse in. He doesn’t want to think about any of that either. 

Thinking too much was going to be the reason he died, he swore of it. 

-

Megumi can hear the sound of soft grass swaying. Wasn’t he in his room just a few moments ago? For once, he can breathe the air normally without feeling like he doesn’t deserve to, and the sunlight is kissing his eyelids so beautifully, so much more gently compared to the morning breeze that pricks his skin.

He opens his eyes, and Megumi finds himself in a field of blooming flowers. He softly reaches out to touch the petals before standing up. He walks around the place, the sound of the grass rustling as he walks around now the only thing in his ears. 

Megumi stops and takes a large breath of fresh air. If he could, he’d live here forever, he thinks. 

Then he spots a butterfly fluttering around him. It’s pretty, a shade of deep purple and black, and he can’t help but follow it as it flies away from him. Suddenly, he feels like he’s three again, and although he doesn’t remember most of his childhood, he vaguely remembered that he would play like this with his mother. 

He loses the butterfly a little while later, and he’s greeted by falling sakura blossoms. He reaches out to touch the pastel pink flower, only for it to dissolve as soon as it comes in contact with his hand. 

Megumi walks up to the tree, looking up at the flowers to see the sunlight that bled through the gaps. Then, he spots someone else. Someone who’s also wandering around, lost, like a child without direction. 

-

His eyes shot open. Megumi touched his face. It was covered in beads of sweat, and his hands lightly trembled, he swears he saw you in the distance. You weren’t facing him. He walked around the field, aimlessly wandering around while admiring the violet butterflies that danced around the flowers, just as he did.

He walked up to you, and there you are. That’s when he woke up. 

“2am..” Megumi sighed once he looked at the clock on his nightstand. You’re in his dreams. Damnit. He’s not saying you weren’t before you died, but then, everything was simple. He dreamt of your futures together, not what this was.

He wasn't able to fall back asleep after that, tossing and turning on his head, only thinking of the image of you in the field of flowers. You looked so beautiful, and he wondered for a moment if it could be reality. It’s selfish, but he really wants it to be.

-

“Woah Fushiguro! You look more tired than usual today. You sure you don’t wanna sit this one out?” Yuji asked the next morning, clearly concerned. Of course he was. Anyone would be if they saw the dark circles under his eyes.

“I’m fine. Let’s go,” he replied, stretching in hopes of getting rid of the tiredness he felt. Each step he took after that felt heavier than the last, and Megumi felt like crumbling to the ground and falling asleep, but the world continues to spin no matter how he feels, so he decides to continue taking missions and working himself to the bone. 

At first, it’s fine. He easily distracts himself from the thoughts of you, but with each second that passes, he finds it harder and harder to do so. He’d thought that he would be able to forget you, but it seems to haunt him more and more now. 

He doesn’t get it. He remembers when Yuji died for a few weeks after he met him, and he easily got rid of the heavy feeling in his stomach, but now you’re gone forever, and if he’s honest, he never knew much of you, or had that much time with you, and it was a single dream, so why can’t he return back to his normal self?

Despite all the thoughts that plagued him, the day passed by quickly… He thinks. 

It felt like a long time when they were battling, but everything before and after that is a blur of memories he couldn’t bother to recall. Maybe it’s the injuries the curse inflicted on him that’s messing with his mind. Or it’s just like any other day, bleeding and merging into each other. 

-

“Another dream…” Megumi thought to himself when he opened his eyes to see the dark sky. He’s lying on something hard. The floor, probably. He stretched his arms and sat up, only to get startled by you, who’s holding up a lantern in front of him. He stares at you for a while, trying to process finally seeing you, and you cupped his cheek with your free hand. 

“It really is you. You disappeared just as I was about to call out for you last time,” you said, smiling. You set the lantern down and hugged him tightly, and Megumi couldn’t help but feel a little odd at the warmth of you. He’ll remember this feeling, he tells himself, because at least, he wants this nice, warm feeling to replace the final time he touched you before this, when your skin was cold to the touch.

“Where are we?” Megumi asked as you helped him up after you parted, and you picked the lantern back up. You looked in the sky, where the clouds swirled and drifted. “I don’t know,” you answered with a cheeky smile. You’re just the same as ever. 

You grabbed one of his hands and began running towards the nearest door. “I guess we should explore, right?” you laughed, entering the manor, both your footsteps now echoing through the empty halls. 

The walls were mostly lined with paintings of people you both recognised. Gojo and Shoko, along with a painting of a male with long, dark hair. The both of you slowed down to admire the art, and as you walked along the halls, you realised that the mysterious person’s paintings had been torn, namely the large gash that ran along his forehead. 

As you kept going to what seemed to be an endless gallery, Gojo’s paintings also seemed to be growing weirder and weirder. His were stained with crimson, and eventually, his paintings too shared the same destruction as the ones beside him.

Shoko wasn’t in the frame of her paintings anymore. 

Megumi was about to push the door to the next room open when you suddenly asked, “How’s everything been?” and his hand froze. 

“It’s not been the best,” he answered, not wanting to go too much into detail. You didn’t want to push him, but if only you did, because right now, you miss him too. 

The door opened to a garden, casted over by the shadows of the plants and trees. There’s a table in the middle of it, with tea and coffee and snacks. It seemed like too much of a set up for a date. Megumi wonders because it’s his dreams, maybe this is what he wanted when you were alive? To take you out to a coffee shop, one where there were barely any people so you could focus on each other. 

Without thinking, he pulled you over to the table and pulled the chair out for you, before walking over to one of the bushes and plucking out a rose for you. He goes back to you and slips it into your hair, brushing some of it out of your face to admire your pretty eyes. You’re the same as ever, and he thinks it’s the best thing that he’s felt in the past few weeks. 

Megumi pours a drink for you before sitting down to sip on his coffee, shyly biting into the cookie that you offered him with that pretty smile on your face. 

He doesn’t know how much time has passed in this dreamland before the both of you finally get up and start walking around again. This time, you’re looking at the many flowers grown in the garden, and by the time you reach another door, you’ve woven a flower crown and placed it on Megumi’s head. 

The both of you stared at the wooden door in the middle of the garden. Considering its location, it was safe to assume that this was the pathway back to the real world. You felt his lips brush against your forehead before he opened the door, and then he was gone. 

-

Megumi awakens this time from the sound of knocking on his door. He looks at the clock on his bedside. It’s already 9AM in the morning. He lazily throws himself out of bed, before rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, then opens the door.

“Wow. Look at this guy.”

Nobara pointed at his bed head. Her and Yuji were both dressed in casual clothing, ready for the day as compared to him, who still looked half asleep in his dark, long sleeved shirt. Megumi listened to the duo talk for a while before they focused their attention on him. 

“Fushiguro! Did you not listen to anything we said on the way back from our mission last night?” Nobara asked. 

“I was asleep.” 

“Then go get ready or something!” she half yelled, and pushed Megumi back into the room. 

Once Megumi stepped back out, he was immediately dragged off to Shinjuku, where they continued to pull him around while shopping for sweets and clothes and just about anything. Just for those few hours, his mind was lifted from the thoughts of you, and he felt a little at peace, even though you were still in the back of his mind. 

He felt a little guilty. Even though his expressions don’t show it, he feels so, so happy for the first time in weeks with his friends, but you aren’t here to feel it with him, and he can’t help but feel like he can’t feel what he does, because he wants you to be beside him too. 

He looks at the sight in front of him, drinking in how Nobara and Yuji looked trying to win a plushie from the claw machine, his own breathing the only sound in his ears as the chatter of passer-bys drown out every other sound. The two are raging over a rigged machine, the sensitivity of the claw set just a little too high for it to be able to tightly grip the plushies. 

And then, he thinks of you. 

Through his eyes, he can picture you laughing along with them. You would’ve loved this. You would’ve loved every part of the life they lived. 

After they successfully managed to bag two plushies, they continued their journey, running around Shinjuku before they ended up at a mall, where they took Megumi to a photobooth. 

Yea. You would’ve loved this.

That night, Megumi pulled out the drawer of his nightstand where he kept your photo and compared it with the new photo in his hand. He noticed that Yuji had a few new scars on his face, Nobara looked a little bit more mature, and he… Still had his eyebags. And the most noticeable difference, you weren’t in the picture anymore. 

He places both of them into the drawer and shuts it. He wants to take another picture with you again. Just the two of you, together. 

-

“What’s it like being dead?” Megumi blurted out. He was dreaming again. You take your eyes off the cloud like fish that turn into mist at every touch. A whale swam by just then, turning into smoke and mist the moment Megumi reached out to touch it. 

You stared at him, mind wandering. You fixed your gaze back on the creatures around you as you walked through the aquarium, and finally responded. “I’m just… There? I guess.”

“That isn’t an answer,” he said, slightly side-eyeing you, and you laughed. “I can’t say. I haven’t been dead for long, have I?” but that’s only to you. To Megumi, it’s been a lifetime without you, and hearing you say it again reminded him of just how much he’s grown to lean on your shoulder when he felt weak. 

“Or maybe it’s because I’m waiting for someone that I’m putting off finally laying my soul to rest,” you said, pressing your finger against the glass of the aquarium tanks and watching as curious sea creatures gathered. 

“Who?” Megumi asked, only for you to turn around and boop his nose with your finger. 

“You, obviously.” 

“You want me to die early?” He questioned again. What? Where’d he get that type of idea? 

“Silly boy,” you laughed, grabbing his arm before running towards the exit of the aquarium, the stray animals around you disappearing as you ran through them, leaving large trails of mist behind you, as if you were deconstructing Megumi’s dreams for him, leading him back where he belonged. 

“I’d wait an eternity for you, so don’t come here too early.”

-

When he woke up again, the rain outside was as heavy as ever. With the way it’s pouring down, it looks like there’s clouds of mist everywhere. That would explain why he dreamt of… Whatever that was. He pressed his finger against the panel of the window, wondering if there was even the slightest chance for him to create shikigami that resembled the ones in his imaginations. 

Actually, nevermind. That sounded stupid. 

Megumi got ready for his day. For once, he felt just a little bit more energised. Maybe it was because he felt reassured. You’re waiting for him, and he won’t be alone. Even if he can’t see you now, but still! He knows now that if he does somehow die, which you wouldn’t be happy about, at least he’d be able to have all the time in the world with you. 

The grief doesn’t feel as heavy anymore, now replaced by his hopes that you’d keep visiting him in his dreams, entering his mind and pulling him out of his own, it felt almost as if it were him who was in your dreams, and not the other way around.

-

It’s been a few months now, and he’s dreamt of you so, so many times. Each time he left those dreams meant that he made new memories with you– something you weren’t able to do in the real world. Megumi can’t help but find himself wanting to be with you more. He wants to make up for the lost time, for every second he wasn’t able to be by your side. If anyone knew, they’d call him obsessive. Hell, they’d say anything, but to him, this felt like hope he seemed to have lost.

He sat in his bed, reading one of his novels. Actually, reading… Wouldn’t be the right term here. He found himself mindlessly staring at the words and flipping through pages he hadn't read as he thought and dwelled on memories from when you were still alive. 

Megumi looked out the window of the classroom. It’s autumn again. The trees have begun to turn a shade of orange, the wind has gotten just a little colder, and everything seemed a little bit duller. 

Today, grey clouds covered the skies, and he looked at the front of the class. It seemed just like the day you first stepped foot into campus, where one day they’d all get permissions and have sleepovers and drink hot chocolate, and he can’t help but feel a little saddened.

Now all the memories he has of you are from the figments of his and your imaginations. Is it so wrong for him to wish to see the stars with you again? Is it so wrong for him to wish for you to take his first kiss in the winter on the roof again? 

Megumi wants nothing more right now than to relive each of those memories, and with each passing second, he finds himself wanting to do those things in his dreams, even though he can’t control any of them. 

-

“It’s almost winter? Brings back memories,” you breathed out, walking ahead of him. “I wanna play monopoly with you guys again. I was so close to winning last time.”

“Why couldn’t we have ended up like that?” Megumi asked you one day.

He was at a beach with you this time. When he opened his eyes, you were dancing in the cool water, freer than any bird with your arms spread wide to welcome the breeze and sunlight that kissed your skin. 

He was mesmerised by the way you moved, and before he knew it, you pulled him by his arms to dance with you, the warmth of your hands surrounding his skin. And then, you sat by the ocean with your feet in the water, your head resting on Megumi’s shoulder. 

“It would’ve been selfish,” you replied to his question, closing your eyes to listen to the sound of the waves. 

“It’s okay to be,” he retorted. “We could’ve been so much more.” 

Silence took over, and you think for a moment. He’s right. You could've been everything. 

“There wouldn’t have been a point to it with what I was.” There was bitterness in your voice. “And besides, I don’t have the right to feel that way.”

“I should’ve been more selfish for you.”

You looked at the water splashing over your legs and stood up, slowly making your way to the deeper parts of the water. Maybe it's your fault for showing up so much, but you miss him just as much as he does, and you're unsure of how to get him to stop, or for you to let go, too.

“It’s time for me to go. See you?” 

The uncertainty in your voice made him feel worried. He got up and tried to reach out towards you, wanting to do anything to keep you from leaving again, but the waves had consumed you before he could, and suddenly, his eyes were open, and he’s awake.

He doesn’t like how quickly the dream went by.

He doesn’t dream of you again after that. You’re always on his mind, just like usual, but he can’t seem to speak to you or dream of you. Each day spent was a day spent in disappointment, and he doesn’t want to stop trying.

Megumi could walk down the streets and see various flowers and plants, or a pretty bird you’d like, and he’d want to talk to you about it. 

Despite how strong his desires are, he can’t find you anywhere. He swears he’s about to start writing letters to heaven and somehow hoping they get to you. He’s dreamt of you so much now he’s starting to think you’re alive again, and more often than not, he finds himself picking his phone up and clicking on your contact in hopes of being able to text you about his day, and for you to respond to him, but that won’t happen, and he knows it.

And then all of it repeats. He’s going to bed earlier and earlier, hoping that by some miracle that he was going to see you in the fog of illusions his brain made.

But you never showed up, and he was getting tired of it. He found it harder to concentrate on missions, because there were just so many things he wanted to tell you, and he kept telling himself to remember because he’ll see you again, and then he’ll get to tell you of everything he’s seen, because you were never able to see them.

He’s so full of you, you, and you, and all the heart he has for you, so please, he begs, for once he's found something he can look forward to, why won’t you just comfort him again?

-

“Megumi…”

His eyes opened abruptly to scan his surroundings. Another few months have passed, and a year has probably passed since you first started appearing in his dreams, he’s finally heard your voice again. There’s nothing around him. It’s pure darkness, and he can hear your voice echoing somewhere. 

Megumi started following the sound of you, and eventually, the ground crunched with each step he took. He looked down. He’s stepping on white snow, then he looks up again, and there’s a trail of blood.

And he hears your voice in that direction.

He gulps and freezes. His legs are physically impaled into the ground, as if something were holding him down, and he can’t find it in himself to move. And then he thinks, and thinks, and you’re in danger, and suddenly, he takes one step, and then he’s running towards you. 

The trees seem to become blurry as he increases his speed, and he doesn’t know how long he’s been running. One moment it’s dark, and then there was light as he stepped into the snow, and now, the sun has set, and he’s running in hopes of reaching you before he fails you again. 

He’s panting heavily, his legs are about to give out from the running, and he finally sees you. The blood on the ground he saw earlier had gotten thicker with every step he ran, and he sees you laying in the cold snow again, with your arm extended towards the skies. There’s a star you’re hoping to grasp, to reach and it’s shining so brightly, so radiant and pretty for everyone in the world to see as you finally realised– It’s always been out of your reach.

Megumi ran towards you and pulled you into his arms. He wondered to himself just as he did it, what is he doing? Why does he have to experience this again? It’s completely the same, and he can feel how cold your body is. 

He feels like he’s on autopilot, vision shaky and blurry as he holds your freezing hand up to his cheek, and he can feel his heart thumping in his chest, his mind running thousands of miles per second, and yet just one word from you snapped him out of all of it.

 “I’m sorry.” 

For some reason, Megumi dreaded that you’d apologise. He didn’t want an apology. He knows you felt guilty for the pain you’d caused him, but he’s over it. He could never hate you, because why would he? How could he hate you when you gave him company, love, and comfort? How could he hate you when he’s himself? 

He doesn’t respond to you. Not this time. Instead, he looks up to see the moon, and just as he thought, there wasn’t any moon again, because why would there be when it was right beside him? And for how much you loved the sun, isn’t it cruel that it never shone upon you? 

-

His eyes shot open again. It feels even worse now. He knows it’s just a dream, but you were dying, and he’s awake, and he wonders if he was still there holding you so you felt warm before everything went dark. He stares at his hands. It’s not stained with blood. Not anymore, for he washed it off over a year ago, so why does it feel so devastating knowing it wasn’t real? 

Perhaps it was the feeling that he’s failed you again, and there wasn’t anyone by your side, or maybe he’s thinking from your perspective. Maybe he was never beside you and he’s invisible in his dreams, and you think you don’t deserve the grace of a little mercy, just a little bit of company and kindness when you die. 

The tight feeling in his chest from the day he woke up after your passing was back again, and he can’t help but think it’s only gotten worse. 

Megumi wipes the sweat off his forehead and gets up. He has a solo mission today. He can’t mess up again. Not when you’re no longer around to have his back. 

Once he’s ready, he meets up with Ijichi, who briefs him on his mission while driving. It seemed easy enough. Worst case scenario, he’d run into a grade two curse, which he wouldn’t have that much of a problem defeating. 

So why exactly was he being stared down by such a creature now? He can’t help but feel a sense of deja vu. This exact thing has happened before, but at least you were there at the time. Now, he’s alone, trapped in a veil with no way to contact the outside world, and with the way the curse looks, he feels that he’s about to be beheaded. 

He snaps out of his thoughts when the curse swings at him, and he barely dodges the attack. He’s convinced he would’ve been turned into minced meat. He can’t do this. He can’t, not alone. 

He needs you, but you aren’t there again. 

He knows he can’t keep dodging forever. His stamina would run out soon, but every single attack he tried to deliver just wasn’t working. Nothing was. Every hit given was just another dent in his blade. It’s near its breaking point too, he can tell. 

Megumi’s eyes close as another impact lands on his weapon, and he doesn’t process it, but another hit, and everything hurts. He’s not sure if he’s broken a bone or not, or if anything inside his body is bleeding, but he’s very, very sure that he’s bleeding out. He’s tired. 

He doesn’t want to do this anymore. He can’t bring himself to get up. He can only stare at the curse before he finally blacks out.

-

“Hello?” he hears a voice sing out, and his eyes flutter open. “You’re awake, finally” 

You’re looking down from above him.

“What… Where am I?" Megumi questioned you, looking around the blank space around him.

“The border between life and death. I'm just here to make sure you don't die early, that's what partners are for, right?” you crouched down and flicked his forehead.

“You’re dwelling on me too much. It’s been a year, you know?” you looked straight at him, noticing that he was avoiding your gaze. “...It’s because I've been appearing in your dreams, haven't I? That's what's holding you back.” Megumi finally looked at you at the mentions of his imaginations. Yes, you have been in his dreams. You are his dream, but he doesn’t want you to feel bad because of it.

“I don’t want to let go.” 

You sighed at his words and sat down next to him. “Megumi, you have to understand that I’m only a small chapter in your life. I’m not much of a psychologist, but that chapter has ended– Our chapter has ended. You’re still young, Megumi, there’s so much you can experience, so don’t end it all–”

“You were young too,” he blurted out. “You had a lot you could’ve experienced too, but you couldn’t.” 

“I wanted to live beautifully too!” you suddenly snapped at him, and everything went silent.

The tension between you two only increased with each passing moment, and you both sat in silence for a while. Truthfully, you were wondering how much time had gone by while Megumi was unconscious. You felt like there was a weight in your heart, a lump in your throat, something that prevented you from speaking. 

You finally decided to speak up after some time. You needed a way to get him out of this place one way or another.

“Say, Megumi. What do you see me as?” Once you asked, he didn’t hesitate to respond. 

“The moon.”

"Even after so long you're still looking at me as if I were the moon," you chuckled. 

"...It's unfair." You whipped your head to face Megumi when you heard the crack in his voice. "What's unfair?" You shakily reached out for him, but stopped when tears began to stream down his face. 

“Megumi–”

"Not just the moon," he interrupted through his hiccups. "I wanted to make you my entire universe."

You sharply inhaled, and pulled him towards you. He clung onto you. You noticed how his hands were tightly gripping onto your shirt, and you gulped. “I’m sorry,” you choked out. “I’m sorry,” you said again, running your hand through his hair. 

“I never properly apologised to you for hurting you, did I? I’m sorry.”

The next few minutes were filled with apologies, his tears staining your sleeves. You pulled away after he stopped crying, your hand now tightly wrapped around his. “Megumi, listen. You have unfinished business. You need to get up and go, or I'll kill you myself.” 

“Don't steal my lines,” he weakly croaked out in between sobs.

Megumi sighed and wiped his tears away, finally standing up. He couldn’t help but notice your hand tightening around his just a little after he helped you stand.

“I’m gonna miss this feeling once you go,” you confessed to him, fingers now running over his calloused knuckles.

“I have a request, Megumi,” you said, smiling at him. “I know I told you to move on, and I won’t appear in your but remember me every once in a while, okay? Somehow, I feel that there isn’t another soul that’ll remember me for anything good I’ve done,” and he bites his lips at your words. It’s true, everyone will forget you.

“Hey, wait,” Megumi says before you pull away from him. “Do you think I’m going to be alone when it’s my turn to die?” he asked. 

You wondered for a while, then responded, “You won’t,” you said as you interlaced your fingers together. “You’ll be surrounded by so many people, and they’ll be there to help you live on for so much longer, I’d doubt you ever died,” you continued. 

“Even if you are, and you feel alone” you wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him goodbye one last time. “I’ll be here to kiss your lonely soul,” you teased, and he smiled before you detached yourself from him and turned around to walk away. 

“Don’t take that as an invitation to come here early!”

“Oh! And let’s meet up on that mountain again. Under the tree!” you waved. 

-

Megumi’s eyes opened. He looked around him. There were remnants of curses that weren’t there before he became unconscious. 

“He’s awake!” Yuji shouted, and Nobara came over to help him walk to the car they came in with Nitta. 

“We got worried about you since you didn’t come back,” the pink haired male said, helping him into the car before the both of them got to (aggressively) bandaging him up. He looks at the clock at the front of the car. It’s late. 

Once they got back, Megumi got out and began walking in the direction towards the cliffs. “Hey! We need you to get checked by Shoko! She’s been waiting ever since we started searching for you!” 

He groaned, but begrudgingly followed them, and all the way throughout his check-up, he’s only been thinking about everything you’ve said to him. The minute it was over, he darted out the door and ran for the cliffs. 

Megumi was panting slightly when he got there. He went right after the mission, with blood still staining his uniform. The moon hung high in the sky, watching as he summoned his demon dogs and began digging the spot under the tree. Megumi began clawing at the soil using his hands at one point, getting dirt stuck in between his nails and fingers. He only stopped when he found a slightly rusted metal box.

The boy didn’t know what to expect inside, taking a deep breath and gulping before his shaky hands lifted the cover of the box. 

Megumi saw a few pictures of you and him, some of the accessories you wore, a book, and a piece of letter that had been neatly folded. 

He sat down under the tree and unfolded the letter, and began reading.

My blessing,

Truthfully, I don’t really remember my first day at the school anymore, because when I stepped foot into campus, my goal was to get information from all of you, acting like a shadow that didn’t exist. I know that I felt alone before that, but before I knew it, I had been shone upon by stars that burnt brighter than even the sun, but yet, you seemed to be the darkest shadow among all the students.

I planned to die from the first day, but I only made it worse by getting closer to all of you. Had I not done so, you wouldn’t be feeling any of the grief you do. 

I’ve only been in your life for a few months, Megumi. I want to think I’ve made a change in your life., because I’m looking back on it right now, and you’ve made such a big impact in my life. All of you. 

Come to think of it, we never got to see spring together. Next time we see each other, let’s meet in spring, so we can have picnics at night while wishing upon the stars, just like children do.

And I’ll make sure I’ll be the one to greet you first, because you were the one who waved to me first in this life. 

Let’s meet again in a more forgiving world.

-

He held the letter in his hands after he read it, trying to figure out what he felt about it. His eyes are blank, and he��s cried so much for you that he doesn’t know if he has the energy for it anymore. 

A heavy feeling settles on his heart as he sets the letter down and picks the book up. It was a book he’s wanted for a while, something he mentioned to you once while you were stargazing, but he never brought it up to you again afterwards. 

Megumi flips open the cover, and there are wilted sakura blooms pressed flatly against the blank page, along with your handwriting. 

“They bloomed early this year, Happy Valentines Day, Megumi.”

He continued flipping through the pages, and you had annotated the book, highlighting everything you felt he would look back at, the cute moments between the people in the book that reminded you of the both of you, and a bookmark made of wilted flowers that bloomed all year round on the page of the couple’s wedding.  

Suddenly, he feels tears in his eyes again, and they overflow and drip onto the pages, slightly staining them. You told him to move on, but how could he? It was obvious you were lying to him again. You never planned to die. Even if you did, it’s obvious you never wanted to die. You wanted to spend your life with him. You wanted to swim in the ocean at night together, you wanted to wake up next to him, go on dates to carnivals just to ride the ferris wheel and admire the view of Tokyo.

And then it finally sunk into his soul that he’d never see you again. Not now, at least.

His hold around the book tightened, and he hugged his knees close to his chest. He wished on every universe that you’d somehow appear beside him and wipe his tears away, chasing away the heavy feeling in his heart. He knows the feeling is temporary, and it’ll go away in a while, but he feels so alone. 

By the time he finally stands up, his legs ache from how long he’s been sitting on the ground, and the sun is peeking through the horizon. He’s been consumed by his own thoughts for hours, and he thinks maybe it’s in his mind, but just as he turned around to walk away, a breeze of air went by him, and it felt as if something hugged him, just for a second. 

The universe is watching over him after all.

-

February 14th, two years after your death.

Megumi’s back at your spot again. This time, there’s a grave he had made for you, with a few plants planted beside it, and the ribbons tied around the stems sway in the wind. He sits down beside it and his fingers graze the tips of the soft grass. 

He closes his eyes, and he realises he can no longer remember what you look like. Well, not really. He remembers clearly what you look like. He still has the picture all of you took at the mall together, and he holds it dearly, but all of them have grown, and it’s not enough to remember you anymore.

There are new scars around their bodies, they’ve grown taller, become stronger. Megumi wonders what you would’ve looked like if you stood beside him now.

He looks around him, and maybe that’s his answer. The grass is greener, the trees have grown taller, the waves of the ocean are just as if not even more calming now…

You would’ve turned out just fine.

He can’t remember how many times he’s reread the book you’ve given him, but he finds himself turning to the page where the two lovers separated. 

“Do you think we’ll be like this forever?” the protagonist asked her partner, and you highlighted the phrase, a small note made in the gaps between words.

“Not forever, but definitely for a long time.”

-

Year ????

A young male with black coloured hair is walking through a park in Tokyo. The sun is shining brightly, and there are sakura flowers blooming. Some petals have fallen onto the sidewalk and grass, and he inhales deeply before stopping to admire… Everything. 

The world looks especially pretty today. He doesn’t know why, but the sky seemed to shine just a little brighter. 

A rare smile graces his lips, and he spots his friends and teacher waiting for him under one of the trees, all set and ready for a picnic. Someone taps his shoulder just before he takes a step forward, and he turns around to face someone with a face that seemed too familiar. 

You.

He sees you. You, who’s waving at him with that smile on your face that he adored.

by user @ aireia, do not plagiarize and/or translate.

[jakeyzzz]

don't leave...

(angst/fluff) sunghoon x f!reader oneshot!

masterlist 🍂

warnings! - { LOTS! of swearing, smoking, mentions of alcohol, arguing, crying, kissing, happy ending, suggestive ending } not proofread !

please let me know If i missed anything!

english is NOT my first language so please be nice!

2k words!

,,Have you ever been in love ?'' 

You scoffed at your best friend's question, taking a puff of your cigarette. 

,, Yeah ... actually I am right now. I wish I wasn't tho ''

Your friend Lea raised her eyebrows at your words before teasingly wiggling them , making you roll your eyes. she took a sip of her wine as she crossed her legs, waiting for you to tell her more. 

,, Tell me everything ! who is he ? ''

You sighed deeply

,,Park Sunghoon...'' you confessed.

Lea gasped loudly.

,, Holy shit ! Isn't he taken tho ? ''

You slowly nodded your head.

,,That's like the whole problem...''

Being in love with Sunghoon made you realize how painful it can be to have feelings for someone. You wanted to spend as much time as possible with him. No one could make you laugh like he did. But no one could make you cry like he did either. He didn't know how much you were hurting because of him. Liking someone and pretending you don't is a lot of hard work. But you knew that's what you had to do. You didn't want to risk anything. You didn't want to ruin your friendship, nor his relationship with a girl who probably loved him just as much as you do.

,, Are you gonna tell him one day ? ''

You shrugged your shoulders.

,, I don't know. I'm not gonna tell him anytime soon. Staying away from him might be the best option for now.'' You said, taking a last puff of your cigarette before throwing it into a cup filled with water. 

You knew staying away from him was hard. Especially when all you wanted was to be with him. You couldn't go an hour without missing his voice. But you needed to keep your distance. Because if you were being honest, you started feeling sorry for the girl he's with. Even though you were so deeply in love with Sunghoon, you had no intention of stealing him from her. 

What you didn't know was that Sunghoon's relationship wasn't going well at all. Sunghoon and his Girlfriend Laina would fight almost everyday. He wasn't happy anymore. The butterflies were gone. 

He lost all hope in his relationship the second he found out he wasn't the only boy Laina liked.

 Sunghoon hated the situation he was in. He didn't quite understand it either. Laina was the most jealous person ever. Whenever he would talk to another female friend, she would immediately get mad and give him the silent treatment. But when Sunghoon got mad at her for getting a tiny bit too close with her male friend she wouldn't understand and tell him to ''get his shit together''.  He knew he needed to leave her. His smile was long gone, like it had never been there at all. He knew he deserved better. 

,,Laina ?'' 

,,What ?''

Sunghoon nervously looked at the blonde girl staring back at him, clearing his voice before deciding to tell her what's been on his mind. 

,,I feel like we need to talk'' He said, watching his Girlfriend raise an eyebrow. 

,,For fucks sake, Sunghoon not this again.''

He rolled his eyes. 

,,Can you at least hear me out first ?'' He said, slightly raising his voice.

,,Go ahead !'' Laina spat out, shrugging her shoulders.

Sunghoon took a deep breath in, before directly looking into his Girlfriend's eyes. 

,,We should break up.''

Laina scoffed loudly. 

,,You know what ? Maybe you're right. We should break up.'' She said, throwing her arms in the air. 

,,But don't come running back to me when you get hurt.'' She added.

,,Stop playing the fucking victim !'' Sunghoon yelled, wiping a tear away.

Laina didn't shed a single tear. Sunghoon wondered if she even cared. 

,,Whatever'' Laina whispered, rolling her eyes before immediately leaving Sunghoon's house, slamming the door shut. 

You were laying in bed, not knowing what to do with your feelings anymore. The pain you felt was almost unbearable. You knew you needed to get things off your chest. So you decided to write a letter. 

Writing the letter kind of helped. Even though you didn't plan on showing the letter to anyone, you felt relieved. 

,,Hey do you wanna go t- ... what's that ?'' Lea asked curiously, pointing at the letter in your hand. 

You giggled nervously.

,,It's just a letter. Nothing special'' You said, quickly hiding it in the drawer next to your bed. 

,,Are you sure it's nothing special ?'' She said, wiggling her eyebrows. 

You laughed lightly.

,,Yeah. Now stop being so curious and get out of my room'' You said, taking her hand to pull her out of the room with you.

Lea has been your best friend since middle school. She knew everything about you. And she also knew exactly how your brain worked. She knew you were hurting. She could see it in your eyes. 

,,Y/N ?'' 

,,Yes? ''

Lea sighed quietly.

,,Is the letter about Sunghoon ?''

Your heart immediately got faster hearing his name. You took a deep breath before looking at your best friend.

,,No. It's for  Sunghoon. He will never get to see the letter tho. I'm gonna keep it. Just needed to get things off my chest you know ?'' You explained, sitting on your kitchen counter. 

Lea pursed her lips, looking at you with pity in her eyes. She knew you wanted him to know what you felt. But you were too afraid to tell him. She leaned her back against the kitchen sink in front of you, crossed her arms and watched you nervously play with your fingers.  

,,I think you should send him the letter.'' She said, making your eyes widen. 

,,Are you crazy ?!''

,,No. You should be honest to him. He deserved that doesn't he ?''

You lowered your head, thinking about Lea's words. 

,,Maybe you're right.'' You admitted.

Lea giggled.

,,I'm always right. Now go get the letter'' She commanded.

,,R- right now ?''

,,Yes, right now !'' She said, rolling her eyes.

,,Alright. Stop bossing me around like that you're making me nervous''

You ended up sending the letter out the same day. Words couldn't describe how nervous you were. But Lea was right. Sunghoon deserved to know how you felt about him. Even if it would ruin your friendship. 

Sunghoon opened his mailbox the day after, noticing an envelope with your name on it leaving him incredibly confused but somehow excited at the same time. He quickly ran back to his room, sat down on his bed and carefully opened the envelope. 

,,There are so many things i'll never be able to tell you. I really wish I could tell you about what i'm feeling whenever i hear your name. I get this weird tingly feeling in my stomach I can't even quite describe. I haven't felt like this in a very long time. When I first started feeling that way, it felt amazing. I felt happy. I was excited about what i was feeling. But now I just feel sad. Maybe even a bit angry but I'm not really sure about that. But there's one thing i'm sure about. I fell in love with you. And you have no Idea about it. It's hard for me hearing your voice, or even seeing your face without  feeling something. I could listen to you talk for hours. No matter how much you're talking, i always have the biggest smile on my face listening to you. You make me laugh like no one else can. And I'm so scared of ruining those moments with you by being honest to you. I just don't know what to do anymore. Life is so fucking unfair. I wish i could be with you. I wish I could tell you how much i love you and i wish i could just tell you how beautiful you are to me. But I'm gonna keep my distance and stay away from you as much as possible. I don't wanna hurt anyone.  I know need to get over you. I need to accept the fact that I can't be with you. You deserve to be with someone who loves you just as much as I do. And I hope you're the happiest person alive right now. Maybe we'll meet in another life. I love you with all my heart. 

- Love, Y/N ''

Sunghoon felt a tear run down his cheek as he stared at the last few words of the letter. He was speechless. 

''I love you with all my heart''

He felt his heart clench at your words. He felt so sorry for not paying more attention to you. Instead he gave his love to someone who didn't even appreciate it. 

,,Fuck ! I'm such an Idiot'' He whispered to himself, hands getting tangled in his hair.

Sunghoon didn't waste one second before swiftly grabbing his jacket, and running over to your house through the rain. He quickly ran out of breath from how fast he was running. But he didn't even think about stopping once. 

As soon as he reached your house, he harshly knocked on the door. 

Only a few minutes later the door finally opened, and your eyes immediately met. 

,,Sunghoon ?!'' You almost screamed as you didn't expect seeing him. 

,,I got your letter.''

,,O- Oh I-'' You stuttered.

,,Don't leave.''

Your eyebrows snapped together as your eyes immediately welled up with tears. Sunghoon carefully stepped into your House before quietly closing the door behind him. His eyes were glossy and you could tell he was also fighting back tears. 

,,I don't want you to stay away from me.'' He stated.

,,What about Laina ?'' You whispered.

,,We broke up.''

You chewed on your bottom lip, not knowing how to feel. There was just so much going on in your head. Sunghoon looked at you before gently pulling you into a tight hug. You immediately hugged him back. You didn't even care about the fact that his clothes were drenched in water. You just needed to be in his arms. 

,,Can we go to your room ? I'd like to talk to you.'' Sunghoon requested, softly stroking your back. You nodded your head before taking his hand, leading him towards your room. 

,,You can sit down on my bed.'' You said, making Sunghoon smile softly.

,,Thank you, Y/N'' 

You smiled shyly before sitting down next to him, looking directly into his eyes. Sunghoon cleared his throat, smiling softly. 

,,Why are you smiling ?'' You asked.

Sunghoon chuckled as he shrugged his shoulder. 

,,Laina never really told me she loved me. And when she did, I couldn't really believe her. But when you told me, I believed you. I believed every single word you wrote in that letter. Every single one.''

,,Well, I meant every single word i wrote in that letter.'' You whispered, forcing a smile. 

Sunghoon couldn't hold back his tears anymore. He felt so many emotions at the same time. Sadness, anger, pain, awe, adoration, confusion and love. He felt pure love. And he couldn't even blame himself. 

,,Y/N ?''

,,Yeah ?''

,,I really need you to kiss me right now.''

,,Are you su-''

Sunghoon didn't even let you finish your sentence as he pulled you into a passionate, hungry kiss. You've been waiting for this all your life. This is the feeling you've been craving. Sunghoon's lips moving on yours with so much love and passion. You threw your arms around Sunghoon's neck, deepening the kiss. You felt a million butterflies explode in your stomach. 

,,Fuck, I love you too.'' Sunghoon spoke against your lips before immediately connecting your lips again. He kissed you with the same intensity like before, as he gently pulled you onto his lap. 

,,Love you so much'' He whispered, caressing your waist softly. Your lips still hovered over his when you rested your forehead against his. 

,,I love you, Sunghoon''

Sunghoon gently kissed the tip of your nose, letting his hands wander down to your thighs. He had a smug smile on his face when he noticed your unsteady breathing. 

,,You're so beautiful'' He said, caressing your thighs. You looked at him with doe eyes. The way he was talking to you made you want to cry. 

He gave you one last kiss on your forehead before looking directly into your eyes once again. 

,,Let me show you how much i love you, alright ?...''

taglist : { @aleiouvre , @wonbie ... }

[tc-doherty]

Hey! In your practical writing tips - post you said novels require lots of telling. I've noticed this too when I read, amazing books that tell a lot vs. showing but all advice gears to show and that's what I've been learning to do. Since I can't find anyone that teaches when to tell vs. show and how much tell vs. show is right and why telling is good etc. I was wondering if you could elaborate on this? Why some books that tell a lot are very engaging and others can't keep my attention? I'm so interested to see your thoughts! Thank you.

Like I said in that post, teaching people how to write isn't really my jam so this is less a teaching guide and more just my assorted thoughts on the subject based on my own opinions and the habits that I follow.

I guess what it boils down to is this. You can't really say that either showing or telling is more important in a novel, but the things that you show are perhaps more relevant.

For example, if you describe the morning routine of your character in great detail every single morning, readers are going to get bored. The story will grind to a halt. Yes you're showing us that, which most people would say is a good thing based on "show don't tell", but the information isn't relevant. If you're setting up a fantasy or sci-fi story it might be relevant once or even twice to show us how things work, but not every single time.

Similarly, if your character gets news telling them that someone they love has perished, you don't want to simply say that it made them sad. You want to show us their reaction. What do they do? What do they say? What physical sensations do they have? Are they lightheaded, do they feel out of breath, does their throat hurt because they're trying not to cry? That information is all relevant to the character, the scene, and the reader. If you simply say they're sad, then your story feels too shallow.

Many people might consider dialogue a kind of telling, but really it's both. What the characters say, how they say it, and also what they don't say can show us a lot about who they are as a person, which is relevant information to the audience even if they're simply explaining something that would be considered exposition. But what do your characters actually need to say or hear? And what can you relay to us through something happening in the background, for instance?

And what about the genre? I like to write road trip novels, which means I spend a lot of time showing the minutiae of the journey. That's relevant because the story is the journey that's being taken. But sometimes your characters just have to get from one place to another, and you don't need to get bogged down in it. You can just say that they took a bus or boat or horse or whatever.

Balancing it in any given story is the writing equivalent of "this meeting could have been email". What do you actually have to get together in a conference room to discuss (show the readers in detail) versus what can be summarized in a few sentences in an email? What will make you bored out of your mind if you see too much of it, versus what will leave you lost and confused without it?

And of course just because something is telling or summarized doesn't mean that the way that you write isn't important! Your writing should still be engaging even when you're telling. Pay attention to the words you use, the rhythm of your sentences, the variety of sentence lengths, things like that. If something is pleasant to read it will keep the reader's attention on the page. If the sentence rhythms or lengths are too similar, it becomes "monotone" and causes people's attention to wander.

Something I pay special attention to is that - unless the narrator is subjective or unreliable - I don't tell something about characters in the narration which is shown to be false. Nothing gets me riled up like supposedly objective narration which tells me a character is like so and I should feel like this about them, but then their dialogue and actions reveal that to be patently false and I feel some other way. Of course that is something that relies on the narrator being objective and having access to more information than we do. If it's a POV character who might just be unobservant, overly arrogant, biased, or kinda stupid, that's fine

When it comes to showing versus telling in regards to the background/description...well. I struggle a lot with description because I have almost complete aphantasia and can't visualize things easily. So I cheat! Anything that I describe in detail is something that my POV character is actually paying attention to. The level of detail varies from book to book based on what kind of person has the POV and what sorts of things they notice. And again, that's relevant to the audience because it's information which is relevant to the character. This is also really great way to start building up to any kind of romantic interest, because people do tend to pay a lot more attention to people they're interested in!

I feel like this has gotten really long, so if there's anything that you would like me to elaborate on more or I wasn't clear about, feel free to send another ask! I won't say I'm objectively right (usually lol) but I'm always happy to talk shop.

Hopefully some of it can be helpful to you or at least give you some things to start thinking about. And of course, it's always a good way to start by studying books that you read and seeing what you like and what you don't like and how it's been handled in both.

[donkeys-waffles]

My head cannons about All for Inko

I always hear how AFO has Inko in a gilded cage, how he's possessive and controlling and how horrified Inko would be at the revelation. And I always liked the idea that those feelings are mutual between them. Maybe not the possessiveness, but the fear of abandonment, especially if the Inko Shimura theory is true.

Imagine Inko living her entire life in the system, not really knowing the love of her parents or even the love of regular adults. What if she never got adopted, taking into consideration the fact that the society we're given in MHA is one driven by quirks, the stronger the quirk the more desirable/respected the individual (looking at Bakugou getting away with verbal and physical abuse for nearly a decade without any backlash.) It's possible she wasn't adopted as a result of her weak quirk factor (you can kinda think of it as a measure of success, as utterly messed up as it sounds, it's possible that people wanted the kids with the strongest quirks first because of their potential for making billions as a hero later in life. Again, super messed up, but a thought coming from what we've seen throughout the manga.) A result of prejudice that ended with Inko never really feeling paternal love, or a consistent source of it.

What if AFO didn't fall in love with Inko just because she was kind, gentle, and loving. What if she was not only a supply of what he yearned for but also a mirror, someone he could actually relate to. Someone who had to look out for themselves their whole lives.

And if so, how would that potentially alter her perception of her own life. What if she knows she's in a gilded cage but him being her first real source of love (no matter how ugly or twisted,) keeps her there.

What if all I said about her backstory is true, it's not just AFO using her as his source of the unconditional love he never received, but it's completely mutual.

Now, I get it, he's a horrible husband, he's never depicted actually being there for either of them aside from a monetary provider. But this is the best part. She loves him, many people can't forget their first love and many others consistently make excuses for the actions or inaction of those they love. It's something you need to remember, you can throw a stranger behind bars, but it becomes incredibly complicated when that person matters to you.

He provides money, maybe the odd gift or letter, hell maybe even a phone call, and she tricks herself into believing he's still there.

She knows she's in a gilded cage, and logically she knows her husband is terrible, but leaving him or confronting the issue entirely would shine a light on her greatest fear, being abandoned again. Tricking herself into thinking that he's just busy and that's why he didn't even send a text when their son was in TWO WARS THAT RECIEVED GLOBAL ATTENTION.

AFO is afraid of being abandoned which would lead me to believe he isolated her on purpose, putting her into this gilded cage so she'd forever be taken care of by him and adored from a safe distance (kinda like Yoichi,) and she stays, tricking herself into believing that she isn't practically a single mother, out of fear of recognizing her own abandonment by the hands of a loved one.

Now what if she knew of his criminal history? It's easy to believe that she'd try to leave. And that's plausible. But I find it much more interesting it she didn't, for the first reason, he's the first man to show her kindness.

He's her husband, who probably bought her gifts, was a big quirk nerd who reads comics, was good with children, charming, handsome, and definitely the type to be kind (even though it's all so he can manipulate you later of course.) And that's not something I think she would find easy to forget. She would 100% set boundaries with him regarding Izuku and their life together. But I just find it interesting is all. Their love would be incredibly toxic and codependent and definitely obsessive.

And I would be lying if I said I didn't eat that crap up. :)

[arcanavoid]

About Julian

In my post About Dorian I mentioned how people in the fandom typically reduce the M6 into one or two personality traits. I’ll be talking about Julian today and the fandom's treatment of him!

I'm going to try and keep this factual and not opinionated, nothing like “he should only be like this” and more like “this is what he is in game, but people show him like this” 

It's gonna be a long post so if you don't want to get into the topic, or don't feel like reading something long then go ahead and scroll by! I don't mind! 

And if you want to make this a civilized discussion then i don't mind talking and hearing others points out either!

So let's go!

Julian is a Doctor who went to Parka to learn medicine and got most of his experience on battle fields while he apprenticed under Nazali. He started up his own clinic in Vesuvia and ended up being hired by the palace to work on the red plague cure, eventually treating Lucio himself. 

After the apprentice died he was stricken with grief, eventually he had an affair with Asra but it didn’t exactly last. He soon found a cure in the form of killing Lucio through sickly hallucinations of the hanged man. 

Julian is a smart man, who often blames himself for things that were not his fault, even putting himself at risk with no evidence simply to save others or because he feels guilty. He loves people with his whole being and yet doesn't trust himself to be around them as he thinks he’ll hurt them with again no evidence. 

So tell me why most of the Arcana fandom will portray him as, for lack of a better word, idiotic and whoreish. 

I know Nyx Hydra poked fun at Julian a few times, mentioning that he likes to use leeches or make him kinky, but that is simply not his whole personality.

Yes, he can be flustered easily, and easy to arouse, and a masochist. But he is also lovey dovey, and soft and mushy and loves with his whole heart not just his dick.

And he literally went to school, i know its a big joke that he simply doesn't know what a medical school is but he literally went to one… and even if he didnt and there's no evidence of that he was at least mentored by Nazali who definitely did go to school. 

Now again i'm not saying he can't be horny, oh on the contrary he is horny, for someone he loves, not just a stranger. And by all means he's not the smartest man in the world, he actively struggles to comprehend magic and the Arcana realms but that's because he is smart with science and medicine! 

And yes you can write porn without plot with him, he doesn't have to show off his undying love in every single thing he's in. and yes you can make him marvel and question magic and still show his smarts in reality. He literally tries to use logic in the tower's realm and figures out that the realm is looped by testing out his hypothesis. 

All I'm saying is that a lot of people reduce his character when he really is rich in personality, and hopefully this will help bring some light as to what his character might look like more fleshed out. 

Another point I want to touch, is Julian as a background or side character. I’ve written a fanfic that was focused on my Mc, Asra, my friends Mc, and Julian. But my friends Mc and julian were supporting cast, so Julian wasn’t as fleshed out as Asra, but i didn’t reduce him to only horny or kinda dumb whenever he was “on screen” his traits just didn’t show as much as it would if he was a main character.

So what should we take away from this? 

Well, Julian can be horny and isn't the smartest man in the world, but he is much more than that! He's loving and cares so much about the people close to him, he's smart and doesn’t know much about magic but is willing to try and figure it out with the knowledge he has. He gives his whole self to someone, his heart and body. And he does not need to constantly show these traits in depth especially if he's mostly a side character in someone's story. 

Julian is a lovely character, and I would love to do an analysis of him after I re-do his route, but I think this is good enough for now.

Of course you can all do what you'd like with him, but when it becomes prevalent that the fandom is mostly thinking of him in a reduced state it becomes a little saddening, and it's good to remind ourselves that he's not all horny and unknowing! 

Feel free to give your reasoning for making him more horny, since i’ll be honest i don't think as many people think they’re dumbing him down. If anything I think Lucio might be dumbed down more, but I definitely notice the dumbing down of Julian too.

[worriedvision]

The aftermath of Dating Cyno (featuring Tighnari)

Dating Cyno is here. Gender neutral reader, angst lol.

--

You started to volunteer as a forest ranger when you realised you couldn't work anywhere else without thinking of Cyno. You saw him around often when you weren't in Ghandarva ville, and it never stopped hurting when he no longer showed you any affectionate looks. You knew you could defend yourself and fight when it was needed, and you never fully understood why Cyno thought the relationship being public would be an issue.

Tighnari found out more about you when you volunteered more, asking him if you could perhaps work there. He asked for your CV, expecting a subpar thing, only to be impressed when he spots your previous work. He takes you under his wing, taking you along for more difficult excursions.

When he asks you to accompany him to an outing with his friend, you nod. You thought it would be nice to see what your boss was like outside of work, and you felt like you were finally starting to move on from Cyno.

When you see Cyno with someone there, you were dreading the whole thing. The dinner consisted of Tighnari shaking his head disapprovingly at Cyno whenever he cracked a joke, the person sitting next to him hugging his arm and giggling at whatever Cyno said - even the things that were so obviously not jokes - and you feeling entirely out of place. Cyno didn't dare look at you either, and you thought it was simply because he was sick of seeing you all the time.

"What do you think of the joke, hmm?" Cynos partner asks, looking over at you. "I found it hilarious. Babe, you're so funny."

You manage to stop the eye roll, but you can't stop the unimpressed look.

"It wasn't funny." You bluntly state.

Tighnari nods, expecting that to be that.

"Oh, you're just jealous that the funniest man in Teyvat is not single." The person presses themselves against Cynos arm, him not making a move to shake them off.

"I'm not jealous of a man who makes terrible jokes." You state. Tighnari tries to stop you from being too harsh, but he's unable to stop it. "If he wants a laugh out of people - a genuine laugh - he needs to try."

Silence at the dinner table, the clanking of cutlery being the only thing in the room. You excuse yourself from the table, paying for the meal before leaving. Hearing a set of footsteps chasing to catch up with you, you brace yourself for a scolding.

"What was that?" Tighnari asks.

"What? He isn't funny." You continue to be blunt.

"But that felt way more personal than what most people would say." Tighnari explains. "I want to know why you were so abrupt with Cyno."

"Promise to keep this to yourself?" You ask, looking around to check nobody is eavesdropping. Seeing a nod, as well as nobody else, you continue. "Cyno and I used to be lovers. He forbade us from being public, explaining it was for my safety. Seeing that person being affectionate hurt."

Tighnari nods in understanding.

"If I am being honest, I think you'd treat my friend better than that gold digger." Tighnari states, catching you off guard. "What? It's true, isn't it? The way they kept batting their eyelashes, ordering the more luxurious items on the menu and finding every little thing Cyno said funny?"

"I got all that, but you couldn't think of another term?" You scold him lightly, Tighnari smirking as he shakes his head no.

"Well, I'm sorry for ruining the atmosphere at the table there regardless." You apologise.

"Don't be." Tighnari states. "I think both Cyno and myself felt happier in a way. It stopped that person from being as blatant as they were before." He laughs lightly, looking over at the forest. "I wished you told me about the situation, although I think I should have told you about my friend as well." He reasons.

You nod, thinking to yourself once again.

"So...when did Cyno start dating them?" You ask. "Not that I'm hoping to be a replacement, I just want to know if I was somehow a side piece. I don't think he would do that, but I would like that closure as well."

"Well, I believe they only started dating a few days ago based on his letters. It is strange, Cyno accepting that much affection this early." Tighnari sighs out. "Maybe he's growing desperate."

A desperate man that wasn't happy with the idea of you being affectionate in public with him in the entire duration of your relationship, you think to yourself.

"Less of that." Tighnari scolds lightly. "Yes, you said that out loud." He tuts, you now at your house. "Well, get some rest, and don't let that gold digger get you down." He waves, heading back home.

[amourtoken]

ari and spanking are heavy on the mind right now and I'm about to start howling at the damn moon like a werewolf...ALSO i've been thinking about going to New Orleans for the first time with him and he's just showing you around all over the place.

LAST THOUGHT BEFORE I SHUT UP FOREVER I SWEAR...expanding on the fact that Ari is possessive do we think his dirty talk/general language would reflect that...and trust he fully knows that he's a lucky fucker to be able to have u by his side but his annoyed attitude is hard to ignore when some ppl don't know how to compliment you without doing too much for his liking

PLEASE DONT SHUT UP PLS PLS PLS COME BACKKKK my asks are always open for u bb hand over ur thoughts 😭 (also pls God idk how to get around I'd need so much help he'd have to show me if I went)

Ari is one of those people where all of his emotions are immediately displayed on his face or in his body language and he really can't hide it when he's bothered. When you get all dressed up for a G59 party and someone can't keep their comments to themselves at the event, they definitely see and hear how he feels pretty quick. He doesn't mind a quick compliment cause you deserve it! You're gorgeous, your makeup is so pretty and your dress fits just right, yes absolutely you deserve to be told how pretty you are but when another guy is staring you down like you're a piece of meat and can't keep his mouth shut after the first compliment, the grace period ends.

Ari wraps an arm around your waist tightly and puts on this sarcastic ass fake smile,

"Sorry to steal my girl from you, but thanks for keeping her company."

He tries to not embarrass you or anything but he's not above stealing you away from a conversation and outright stating his intentions to the person you were talking to if they were a Lil too friendly. Graphically describing whatever he plans on doing to you the second you two get home to YOUR house, cause you're HIS. He'd also for sure break up a conversation by just walking up and pulling you into a messy kiss right in front of the other guy but you're not complaining by any means, happy your boyfriend swung in to save you from the awkward interaction.

Tbh you barely go out anywhere without some kind of proof of ownership if that makes sense, some kind of necklace with his initial or ring on your finger. If it isn't physical jewelry it's poorly hidden hickeys and bruises that are in just the right spots to be obvious if you're looking in the wrong place. Ari never really lets you entirely out of his sight either, just in case. He trusts you but not the fucking dog ass men around (excluding people in his direct circle like Scott cause he actually has some decorum thank god)

the second you two can leave, it takes an act of God for him to not drag that dress up your hips and fuck you in the backseat before you even get home but he really tries to restrain himself. 100% drives with a hand on your thigh tracing circles on the skin and squeezing on occasion to keep your attention on him. Once you ARE home then he can do whatever he wants so brace yourself lol.

His entire goal during all of this is to make it beyond clear who you belong to, and it's damn near the only thing coming out of his mouth while he's bending you over the nearest flat surface and grinding himself against your ass.

"Fuck baby- so fuckin' happy you're mine. Only mine, always- say it."

"My baby looks so fuckin' pretty like this...'m so lucky..."

he only pulls back to slap your ass and leave red welted handprints all over the soft skin. It's not really something someone else could see but this is for him. Plus, the pretty sounds you make are better than any drug to him. He's definitely into spanking but like more for the visuals rather than anything, only stopping when you could literally read his palm off your ass. He just needs to remind you who you belong to as if him sinking into you balls deep in a single thrust and wrapping an arm around your throat wasn't a good enough indication on its own.

He absolutely punctuates his thrusts by growling possessive shit in your ear.

"Mine. Mine. M-mine- fuck- pussy so fuckin' good- all fuckin' mine-"

"God I'm so fuckin' lucky- shit- you feel so good baby"

[blvckentropy]

10 facts about me.

Thank you for the tag @beachyserasims! It's always a plus to know more about each other. Let's get deep for a bit

I too have been bullied though out my life. To the point I've wanted to off myself. I think it really only stopped after I went to college, but you know there's always that nagging feeling you get when you think someone talking about you when they either look your way or hear laughing behind you (when it prob has nothing to do with you). The end result I've became more quiet and more attentive with who I get close with or add to my circle. My circle is really rally small. I used to have a of five CLOSE friends but now it's only two (but that's another story)

Writing is really personal for me. It's my out or coping mechanism when dealing or not trying to deal with real-life shit. I might not show it but I'm a depressed reck. But slowly but surely learning to take it day by day. I didn't start writing until maybe my sophomore year in high school. Fanfics from YT and tumblr really got me inspired to take it all the way. English also helped, as much as I hated homework, I loved writing papers (at least the ones you got to choose the topic). I have big dreams of selling books, writing movies, and making video games. Even though, I only have one finish story under my belt. There's not a story I haven't thought of that isn't still rotten in my head. It might not show but I'm serious about bringing all my work to life

A little insight about my writing, all the characters/plot have a hint of me in them if that makes sense. I write from personal experiences and movies/shows based or outright the reality of it all. Yes, they're all fiction but I like writing things that others can relate to or have experience themselves.

LIVE AND BREATH BLACK EXCELLENCE & SUCCESS. OBSESSED WITH IT! A win for the culture is always a win in my book. Another thing, my stories (not all) but a good 95% of them is for black audience. I love and respect everyone but if I can't connect with ppl that look like me first...what am I doing?

I'm a private girlie. Only share what doesn't hurt me to share. Life also teaches you not everything is for everybody. My peace comes before everything

LOVE BLACK LOVE! 🅿

I went to school for fashion design. Only thing I regret not having a minor/backup plan in computers or graphic design 😪

My mom is my role model. We may have what I call a strict relationship. But without her, I would not be here (literally and figuratively)

I used to have a yorkiepoo. Rip buddy (tho we fought like siblings and I despised it because ppl would call us siblings. He was mostly my mom dog lol)

Quick random things: Single again. Straight ally but can appreciate an attractive woman. I love em all but lookin for chocolate men lmao. I love shows like Power and Bel-Air. I read fanfic/bl manhwa religiously. Favorite color blue. Aries. I'm asthmatic.

Tagging @cinamun @liliumsims @plumbewb @sadraccoon061 and whoever liked to do this.

[redrawthecolorlessworld]

[Rhymix] Side Story 1: The Dove and the Crow — Chapter 5: A Mystery and A Sudden Disappearance

i'm popping off kinda

———

...Only to be left with confusion.

Such a memory where the crow and the dove were being intimate with each other...

He doesn't recall experiencing such a thing.

"...Huh?" He mutters out, slowly processing what he had just seen. He feels compelled to call Momento over and ask her some questions—or, well, just one question.

Should he—

"Holy fucking shit I forgot ONE THING." Well...it doesn't seem like Trap Crow really needs to "call" Momento over anymore. "Hey, devil guy...girl...both, I saw some weird shit in that memory." The crow spares no time asking his question as Momento scurries around the area to find whatever he had accidentally left in here.

Upon hearing Trap Crow's question, the devil-God perks up, looking at the only other person in the room with a raised eyebrow. "Context?" He asks, before finally seemingly finding whatever he left here and picked it up. "That dove who keeps visiting me these past few weeks...did we ever had anything special between us?" Trap Crow questions nervously.

Momento thinks about it for a moment, before shrugging. "No...? Look, I never personally knew any of you people up until I supposedly got revived by Eternity. I wouldn't know jackshit." She answers, walking towards the main entrance of Trap Crow's prison area. "Wh- hey! Don't go yet! You're not lying to me, are you?!"

"...No???? Look, I'm busy today, I don't have time for stupid bullshit. JUST BECAUSE I'm the God of Memories that does NOT mean I'd know what memories anyone would see in those glass butterflies." Without saying any goodbyes, Momento quickly walks through the entrance, and soon enough, he's gone.

Trap Crow lets out a frustrated groan, before thinking back on that memory. If it is true, then when the hell did it even happen? Does him not remembering such a memory unfolding in his life have anything to do with the fact that he also doesn't remember how he even ended up in this cage to begin with?

"This is starting to give me a fucking headache..."

———

Weeks go by, and eventually, weeks turned into months.

It had been months since Ringed Genesis first decided to visit Trap Crow. Over the past few months of these visits, the two ended up getting to know each other a lot more. It's to the point where they can easily notice and even point out the most littlest details about each other.

The dove's also starting to feel such a strange connection with the crow. Though, of course, the strange mystery of that one memory isn't really easy for them to shake off either. Every night they'd think about that memory—replaying it in their heads as if it's a video.

Today, Ringed Genesis felt the need to visit Trap Crow again. His visits to Trap Crow's cage has become so frequent that he might as well go there every single day on every single opportunity he has. For some reason, he had taken a lot of comfort being in the presence of the crow, it's...odd.

Entering the Realm of the Almighty's prison faction, Ringed Genesis quickly takes notice of the rather tense atmosphere. He looks around, before finally spotting a panicking Momento, a worried Eternity, and a...notably pissed off Amazing Mighty. "Devil? Ms. Eternity? And Sir Amazing Mighty...? What is the matter here?" He quickly asks, catching the trio's attention immediately.

"Oh fuck- Angel! Have you- have you seen Crow around?!" Momento asks, his voice showcasing his messy state. Ringed Genesis frowns at that. "No. Why? Is he...not in his cage?" He asks again, and he could see Eternity nod. "Yes. Momento went to check on him this morning, but when he did, that crow's nowhere to be found."

"That damned crow...thinking he can just escape like that so fucking easily..." Ringed Genesis could then hear Amazing Mighty mutter. It seems like he's the most unhappy about this. "If you want, I can try to find him myself." The dove offers, and hearing that, Momento perks up. "Really?!"

"Yes, really. You can trust me to bring him back here safe and sound—"

"I'm not letting you be the one to find him."

Everyone immediately turned their heads to look at Amazing Mighty, who looks at Ringed Genesis with clear anger in his eyes. "But why? There is definitely something wrong here—you initially didn't want me to visit Trap Crow constantly, and now this?" Ringed Genesis asks, pure annoyance written all over his facial expressions as he then chuckles bitterly.

"What has gotten into you? Is there something you know that I don't?" He then asks again, crossing his arms as he then gazes intensely at the God. Amazing Mighty clenches his fist, trying his best to calm himself down, and once he did, he sighs heavily. "Trap Crow is dangerous. He has hurt someone in the past—someone who he supposedly loves and cherishes a lot."

Amazing Mighty then forces a smile, though his anger is still present from the way his brows are still furrowed. "Hah. Not even I would do such a thing to Felys." Ringed Genesis merely raises an eyebrow at that, before quickly stealing a glance at Eternity and Momento. Momento looks...annoyed, to say the least. But Eternity?

She looks beyond horrified.

"...Ms. Eternity?" Upon hearing her name, Eternity jolts up, before quickly calming down once she realizes it's just Ringed Genesis. "...Err...Genesis." She calls back. The dove nods at her, waiting for her to say something else. She then summons a shard of glass, glowing a bright shade of red, before hovering it over to Ringed Genesis.

"If things get drastic, and if the situation calls for it, use this." She advices, a serious look on her face. Amazing Mighty's eyes widened at that. "Huh? Hey, are you sure this is the right time for him to recall such...horrible memories?" He asks, and Eternity merely nods at him.

Momento, having his initial annoyance towards Amazing Mighty gone away, now wears a confused look on his face. Ringed Genesis, on the other hand, takes the shard of glass with him. After all, maybe Eternity's right. Besides, this could possibly be an anomaly shard—anomaly shards are much more stronger compared to normal ones, so he'll probably have use for this.

Now the only task he has?

Finding Trap Crow.

[hecatesbroom]

We all know that most fics tend to get more kudos than comments, right? Way more. But I've been scrolling through my ao3 stats lately and noticed something that took me by surprise: my fics tend to get more bookmarks than comments too.

Which— okay. I'm not complaining. I really really appreciate the fact that people love my fics enough to bookmark them: they want to return to this piece of writing! I feel honoured whenever I see that number go up by 1, because who would've thought??

But there are so so so many people who apparently love my stuff enough to bookmark it without leaving a single "hey! I loved this!"

The lack of interaction genuinely makes me feel a little sad? I love that people bookmark my fics, seriously. I get that people don't have a lot to say. I'm a pretty verbose person myself and even I had to develop a sort of formula for commenting. But even a simple "this was great!" or "I really loved [insert line]" can mean a lot to a writer.

Maybe you feel like your opinion isn't worth much, or who would like to hear your words anyway? but I can assure you that for every name I've seen on my fics (either in the kudos or in bookmarks) I've been so incredibly curious about the person behind it. I want to know about you! What did you like? What made you click that bookmark button? Who knows — I might think of that thing you said when I'm writing my next thing, and write an extra little bit with you in the back of my mind. It's happened before!

And it means a writer doesn't end up looking at stats like this:

You write something, you spend hours of free time on it, you work up the courage to publish it online, and then people read it and clearly love it — and most of them never reach out to tell you.