#I feel like the mental health one doesn't have the same 'works for chronic illness' vibe the pain scale does

[panicdeleter]

If we're doing scales, may I add emmengard's suicide scale? It's a useful resource too I think.

My face is having uncontrollable spasms. Great. It hurts really, really, really bad.

I think part of why I have trouble explaining pain to the doctor is when they ask about the pain scale I always think “Well, if someone threw me down a flight of stairs right now or punched me a few times, it would definitely hurt a lot more” so I end up saying a low number. I was reading an article that said that “10” is the most commonly reported number and that is baffling to me. When I woke up from surgery with an 8" incision in my body and I could hardly even speak, I was in the most horrific pain of my life but I said “6” because I thought “Well, if you hit me in the stomach, it would be worse.”

[acesw]

Reverse: 1999 : Disabled Characters

The game doesn't stray too far on the neurodivergent allegory for the arcanists themselves. But at the same time, there are also inclusions of other characters who are very much known to be disabled. So for this post I'll delve into that, just a bit.

Now, there are 10 characters that I want to put in the spotlight. These mostly lean towards being canon, but a part of these are also researched upon and shortened so the post doesn’t become way too long.

Cristallo, Rabies, Erick : Chronic Illness

It's quite self explanatory that Cristallo herself has a chronic illness. She was born prematurely, with an added condition that makes her physically fragile. As seen in the game, she needs a life-support system to maintain her health when she's outside. It's also implied that her condition may be a recurrent cancer, as her arcane abilities are tied to a machine that provides cobalt therapy, a known advancement in radiotherapy in the post-WWII era.

Rabies is an odd case. In his stories, it's noted that Adam cured Alicia through unknown means at the cost of contracting rabies himself. However, instead of the virus being acute and guaranteed to be fatal, it becomes a chronic illness to Rabies due to the abundance and use of arcanum. And since the rabies virus attacks the brain, his cognitive capabilities and ability to recall things before the present had been impaired, making him rather docile and animal-like in nature as a result.

Erick, as revealed in her anecdote, has a hereditary blood condition that came with her arcane skill. With her arcane skill making her physically powerful, overusing it will accelerate the effects of her blood condition to the point that it can become fatal. To prevent this, she also inherited an armband from her grandfather, Harald. The armband suppresses one's ability to use arcane skills, but by extension it also prevents Erick's condition getting worse.

Shamane : Amputee

Shamane's circumstances are also self-explanatory. He lost his arm for unknown reasons, but after having lived without it for 20 years, it doesn't bother him anymore. However as we know, he crafted his prosthetic arm as a means to avoid scaring kids. (which I think is quite cool in itself)

Ms. Radio, Bessmert : Blindness

Ms. Radio and our new friend, Bessmert, are both canonically blind. Ms. Radio has stated that she cannot see, and asks Vertin to left in places where she can feel temperatures to make her feel at peace.

And as we know, Yenisei (or in other words, Yenisei's VA) has stated in the 1.6 livestream that Bessmert is known to be blind, but even with that, she's a great researcher and guide to her.

Mesmer Jr. : OCD [Content Warning: Mentions of Self Harm and Suicide.]

Mesmer Jr.'s character has heavily implied throughout the main story and her own to have OCD as a result of the traumatic experiences she had gone through from her field of work and her family’s history in it. She identifies that she has "incurable" anxiety, which causes her to think differently about arcanists and act a little irrationally from our own perspective. This anxiety results in double checking everything and having a slightly intensive routine.

This routine is created as a means to maintain herself and her own sanity, but an imbalance or interruption can greatly upset her. As a result, she has conflicting ideals, experiences hallucinations and panic attacks, has suicidal thoughts, and actively inflicts self harm as a means to cope with her anxiety. However, she’s calmer and at peace with herself when she's left alone in a quieter and clean space, away from others, and where nature is heard more than constant buzzing. In short, Mesmer Jr.’s mental health is really complex and would be better if it's explored in a separate post.

Baby Blue : Alice in Wonderland syndrome

It's no secret that Baby Blue has Alice in Wonderland syndrome, or in other words dysmetropsia. This affects her perception of reality and her ability to recall, but this in turn makes her arcane abilities all the more powerful. As a result, she doesn't realize that she's growing up, yet it seems she doesn't mind that much. This doesn't seem to affect her physically either; In fact, it has a heavy influence on how she displays her arcane skills.

Poltergeist : Social Anxiety

Poltergeist has been known to be anxious in social settings which conflicts with her people-pleasing tendencies. She's also insecure about herself which adds up to her not wanting to be directly perceived. At the same time, she doesn't like being left alone as a result of having been ignored and forgotten post mortem. Poltergeist is also elaborate (i.e. not wanting to be looked at for too long) yet awkward at the same time when communicating them.

However, I'm not sure how to describe Poltergeist's case quite well, but the idea of her having social anxiety resonates greatly in my mind, so it can be treated as a partial headcanon.

Balloon Party : Autism and Speech Impairment

Balloon Party as a child had contracted an illness that caused her to have a persistent high fever. In the end, she awakened her arcane skill this way, with her being able to cough up balloons that can be harmful or a cure to anything.

However, it might have also affected her speech because of the physical strain that comes from coughing, it results to BP's speech being a bit slow and having abnormal pauses before she speaks again. Though, this also might be a sign of her possibly also having autism, where rigid and uneven language development is a common pattern in how autism affects one's ability in communication. Her speech also has a pattern of echolalia, having a flat tone, and lack of control of it.

However, speech impediment isn't everything about autism, and there's a lot more about BP's character that also connects with it such as her special interests. I can better explore this in a different post, which will be explained below.

Last Notes

These are the characters I’ve written down, most of these are less headcanon and more of observations I’ve found when looking into these characters. Some people from the lore chat have also added their own insights on some of them. (Thank you lupjo for beta-reading through it and helping me out) 

Of course, there are a few more characters I want to discuss because of the implications of them having autism / ADHD, but these will be written in another post in the future because I still need to research and gather other information. Additionally, it would be an opportunity to talk about the connections between an arcanist’s and neurodivergent person’s relationships with modern society.

Congrats for reaching the bottom of this post, and feel free to add your own ideas or headcanons about the characters here and/or any other ones.

[kylieswift31]

Lucky

Beginning to think it’s time to branch out from listening to just Taylor Swift because I just listened to ‘lucky’ by Halsey for the first time and I’ve never heard anything so incredibly validating.

I've been chronically ill for over six years now with ME/CFS and I had settled into a state of plateau where my symptoms were fairly manageable. Earlier this year with a few big live events outside of my control, I entered into my biggest relapse since 2021 and became bed bound again. Listening to Taylor Swift became my lifeline and the online community that came with that has helped ease some of the isolation that comes with being too unwell to leave the house.

Here's a glimpse into why Halsey's song 'lucky' has resonated with my experience with a chronic illness.

"I am so lucky"

Variants of this comment are so often thrown around by friends and family when they hear that I stay at home all day. It's something they would love to be able to do, but show no consideration for the chronic pain and fatigue I experience while staying home that takes up most of my day.

"Everybody, get in line to meet the girl who flew too high. Who does it all just to be liked by strangers that she met online."

I had my first big relapse during the Victorian lockdowns when everyone was home at the same time. This time around it feels like everyone's moved on and I'm stuck here all alone. When I felt completely isolated from the outside world I began watching the eras tour on grainy live streams, and then joining this online community and contributing my own thoughts became integral to feeling like I was a little less alone.

"Did it all to be included, my self-loathing so deep-rooted. Inner child that's unrecruited, truth is I'm not suited for it."

I spent years trying to push through the pain to attend events in an attempt to fit in, just to end up worse off and in more pain than ever. Having to choose between what's best for my physical health and mental health is an impossible decision. Being able to leave the house once a week was the most I could manage without overdoing it.

"When I die, I won't have time to spend my money. But I hope that you still love me."

Everyone has an opinion when you get sick. And then everyone has an opinion when you don't get better. They're also going to have an opinion when you die. It's hard to believe the positive opinions when the negative ones are so loud.

"'Cause I'm so lucky, I'm a star. But I cry, cry, cry in my lonely heart, thinkin' "If there's nothing missing in my life, then why do these tears come at night?""

The references to the early 2000's in this song add a layer of familiarity to the present day. I feel like I'm sitting on my bedroom floor listening to Britney Spears again and wondering what the future holds. Who will I be when I grow up? When the nostalgic memories begin to fade and the pain of the present day begins to seep back in.

"Why they come? Why they come? Why they come? Why they come?"

If you don't see how much pain I'm in, then why do I still feel it? If I'm in chronic pain and no one acknowledges it, then why does it hurt so much?

"And why she losing so much weight? I heard it's from the drugs she ate."

When pain and fatigue take over your life, just being able to eat is a feat in itself. All the "but have you tried..." comments don't take into account how little you have left to invest time, money and energy into the latest craze promising a (snake oil) cure.

"And I feel her, but I can't relate. 'Cause I'd never end up in that state."

When you get sick you go to the doctor and they make you better, right? It doesn't always work out that way, especially for women. Often just getting a diagnosis is a challenge. It's taken a lot of strength to acknowledge that I'm unlikely to recover. For the people in my life to acknowledge that too would require them recognising that the doctors don't have the answers for everything.

"A girl like that is a mother, must be tough. A problem child, I was rough."

Not being able to keep up with the typical activities other families participate in outside of school affects my ability to relate to the experiences of parenthood when I'm confronted with hearing about how much I'm missing out on. The gap between my lifestyle and theirs is too immense to feel anything other than jealousy right now.

"But what do you do with a difficult grownup?"

Ugh. Most of the time coping mechanisms are a necessity. I'm sure I don't have to remind you what the alternative is? It's incredibly invalidating when the majority of the judgemental comments I hear are a criticism of the small things I choose to do on my good days.

"When I die, I won't have time to spend my money. But I hope that you still love me."

At some point we need to take a step back and let other people make their own mistakes. On the worst days it feels like I'm one more bad day away from giving up. Having something positive to focus on (like the eras tour) gives me something to look forward to each week.

"'Cause I'm so lucky, I'm a star. But I cry, cry, cry in my lonely heart, thinkin' "If there's nothing missing in my life, then why do these tears come at night?"

When you get sick and don't get better it feels like everyone's comparing your condition to the worst case scenario. Exclaiming that "at least it's not cancer!" and how you're so lucky because you're not going to die from it, while ignoring how the alternative path to death has alarmingly high rates within the community.

"I shaved my head four times because I wanted to, and then I did it one more time ‘cause i got sick."

I shaved my hair off a few years ago because I'd always wanted to try it, but I shaved it off again when I relapsed because I needed to. Last time I was bed bound I struggled to wash my hair. This time I was proactive and shaved it off so it was one less hurdle to deal with. Making choices like this proactively was empowering.

"And I thought I changed so much, nobody would notice it, and no one did."

Having to stay home and not leave the house at all has been a mammoth change for me, but to everyone else nothing has changed. When nobody sees me on my worst days, they assume my good days are the norm and not the exception.

"And I left the doctor’s office full of tears"

I stopped going to the doctors because I was crying in the car on the way home after every single appointment. After struggling to even get a diagnosis they say there's nothing else they can do to help, when they didn't do anything to help in the first place. Having a condition with no approved treatment doesn’t help. Slowly I managed on my own and made progress without the extra stress.

"Became a single mom at my premiere, and I told everybody I was fine for a whole damn year, and that’s the biggest lie of my career."

It feels like all I do is deflect questions about my life to avoid the negative comments and mask the pain. When I do try and share my experiences I'm met with pity or told to try harder. No wonder the challenges I face feel invisible.

"But I’m so lucky, I’m a star, and I cry, cry, cry in my lonely heart, thinkin’, if there’s nothin’ missin’ in my life, then why do these tears come at night."

What most people don't understand is that ME/CFS is ranked as having one of the lowest quality of life scores. Even the milder categories are incredibly debilitating. If I'm so lucky, why does it feel like the world has moved on without me and I'm left behind?

"I’m so lucky, I’m a star, but I cry, cry, cry in my lonely heart, thinkin’, if there’s nothin’ missin’ in my life, then why do these tears come at night."

Going to be listening to this song on repeat for a while. Art like this is integral to counter the negativity and make the hard days a little less invisible.

"She’s so lucky, she’s so lucky, she’s so lucky, she’s so, haven’t you heard."

Everyone has their own battles to face. You never know when you’re interacting with someone who’s trying to hold it together while hanging on by a thread.

To conclude I’ll leave you with my favourite quote from the folklore long pond studio session x

"No one pats them on the back, but every day they are actively fighting something. But there are so many days that nobody gives them credit for that. And so how often must someone who's in that sort of internal struggle must want to say to everyone in the room, you have no idea how close I am to going back to a dark place. Or you have no idea how hard it is to get to the point where you guys think is still shitty."

-Taylor Swift and Jack Antanoff

[bunnidid-reviews]

is it frowned upon to wish that one could dissociate or have an alter take over in moments that are awful and stressful? genuine question

Hmmm, this blog is really more intended on reviewing and sharing media about complex dissociative disorders, or could easily be related to CDDs. Certainly not an advice blog for this or anything else > < I think any more general questions about DID can be forwarded to @sundropglass (main blog) if at all, just to stay on topic here.

But since you asked, I may as well share my perspective a little bit. I urge you to read it all.

Of course it's something anyone would want. Shut off and let the stress be taken care of for someone else? go off to fairyland a bit? It's actually an extremely sophisticated way of functioning in the midst of trauma; tuck it away, get through the thing that you might otherwise feel like you're dying from.

But where does that stress go?

Say that you had a very stressful day. Maybe one thing after another kept going wrong. And all day, there was absolutely nothing you could do because you had to carry on with a smile on your face and act like everything's fine, while more dismays pile on top of you. Maybe on top of that, you end up having an argument with a loved one and now you have social anxiety and no sense of safety or relief.

This is not out of the norm. People live very stressful lives all the time. It builds up though, all that stress is piled into your immune system if you don't have any release.(Expressing emotions in a healthy manner) It comes out in the ways that maybe you get ill, or spend all day in the bathroom, or get a migraine. This is what we call the body keeping the score (a book I should read tbh). What the mind doesnt handle(dissociates from), the body will.

This is what people with CDDs regularly go through. Trauma = stress that's beyond your range of coping. Chronic trauma means chronic stress, just stored away in pockets upon pockets where its never dealt with until much later in life. This is why I don't think I know a single system who doesn't have some sort of chronic health issues. The initial trauma may not have killed them, but maybe the health issues that come from all this chronic stress might just finish the job.

This isn't even addressing what the disorder implies mentally.

Look up the symptoms of PTSD, look into personality disorders, attachment disorders, anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation. Any trauma-based symptoms could come with a CDD, because there's nearly nothing special at all about DID or OSDD. They're not sectioned off 'incredible' disorders as much as media or people on the internet will imply. We are normal people who have been hurt. A lot.

We have this disorder because no one came to save us, so we had to turn to ourselves, sometimes at an extremely young age. There's no measuring the amount of hurt it takes for a young child to feel this alone.

Going off this ask alone, but because you wish you could dissociate to such the intensity as you're suggesting, tells me that you haven't actually. Daydreaming or spacing out is a very minor case of dissociation, but the level at which you're having alters would imply that you're hoping to dissociate much further than you actually think you want. Do you not want to recognize your own spouse, or be completely unable to be present in the best moments of your life? This doesn't shut off when you're happy again.

Say fine fine fine, yes yes yes to all of this, you could deal, because at least you'd be another person who would bear the responsibility for you.

I hate to tell you this, but that's not how alters work. They are, at the end of the day, still part of you. They don't magically whisk away all this stress they face, they'd still hold onto it, be strongly effected by it, and you're a lot more likely to have the same stress come back over and over again and go unprocessed because of the fragmentation involved.

If it's to ease off some of the responsibility of being yourself, then.. Well that's not what happens with DID either. Those of us with a CDD tend to feel overly responsible for everything around us, actually. It's not the escape you're hoping for.

In a short answer: Yes it is very believable to want this disorder, to want alters. That's understandable even!

But I'm also going to say this is frowned upon. There is a LOT more to these disorders than some spacing out and some cool characters. I hope you can understand a little more why this mentality is frowned upon; no one who has it actually wants it when it comes down to it

BUT i HAVE GOOD NEWS FOR YOU ANON!! Please listen

It's okay to want to be someone else to get through the stress. It's even okay to turn off your brain and space out. These are natural human things. Just.. They don't have to be a disorder. There are some recommendations for coping that aren't hoping to have a CDD, but might suit you if you struggle with this:

Try to analyze your life and see what it is that's causing you so much stress that it makes you want to not exist in such a way. If you're in a bad environment that you can't change, there are still little things you can do to make it better for yourself

Are there things you CAN change? Maybe you can look into getting professional help or finding a new job, or even so much as regularly tidying up the space you're in

Look up coping mechinisms and grounding techniques

Take breaks and let yourself really unwind. Read a book or go outside and look at clouds or something until you feel calm. I promise this feels way better than dissociation

Fun Coping Tools That Feel Like What You Want Out Of Dee Eye Dee:

create a story in your head. If you come up with a world all your own to explore, it feels like having an inner world

Create original characters you can "be". By this I mean be imaginative like when we were all kids. >>Here's a really cool version of what adults can do if 'playing pretend' seems too childish for you<<

Have some staring out a window time. Just let your mind go for a bit

None of this has to be disordered to be helpful, and have nearly the same effect that you're hoping for.

If you are at a point where you want to not exist for suicidal reasons, I really urge you to get some help. There's always someone who wants you to be around, even if thats some time in the future.

[marshmallowprotection]

i love the thought that just existing as a chronically ill/disabled person can speedrun both ray and suit's development.

showing Ray my old mediport--yes ray, the outside world helped me. a lot of people did, actually! and they still help me out. and yes, they'll help out if i ever get sick or hurt again (knock on wood). and people have created lots of things like this to make it easier (hell, i even had a prescription for numbing cream to use before my port was accessed). and I've met lots of other people who have been helped the same way!

and then just. Existing. in suit's general proximity. buddy, I'm always in pain. my body doesn't work quite right. it never has, it got worse for unrelated reasons, and it's not fixable. it can be mitigated a little, but it's downhill from here. I'm too tired to be angry about it. It takes up too much energy, so I just roll with it.

it's kinda cool that just. Existing. shatters pretty much everything rika has taught them to believe about survival and the outside world.

What breaks through to both Ray and Suit Saeran canonically is your kindness. Your unwavering kindness and inability to let things make you angry. You don't crack and don't let people push you around, but you don't let them piss you off to the point where you scream at them for it. You breathe, you recoup, and you think before you speak when you're with them. You never blow up and blame them for what's going on around you.

You're patient and kind, and despite the best efforts by this cult to destroy your faith in humanity, you never lose it. Suit Saeran said it himself. He was amazed by the simple fact that you wouldn't let any anger make you insult or hurt someone purposefully. You stood tall and affirmed that you weren't a loser or an airhead, but you didn't do much to fight back with jeers. You disagreed and kept a level head in a disaster.

You proved that anger isn't the strongest thing in his little world and that's what broke him.

It's the same thing with Ray. Your genuine interest and empathy for him cut through his obsession and taught him that true love isn't a game and it's not something he can force. It's something that you're able to experience by opening your heart and working with them to feel the best way you've ever felt.

He fights for you despite every fear he's ever felt because real love means doing what's right even if it challenges your cult mentality.

When we consider adding another element on top of that... one like chronic illness and disability where you've been struggling with a lot for a long time? Well, it just adds to their realization and education in the outside world. Ray and Suit Saeran would assume you're angry... angry with the world, with God, and with everything that caused you to get to where you are today.

But, you aren't, you've learned how to accept your circumstance and adapt to it... even on the worst days when you cry because the pain is too much to carry... if you refuse to crack the way that Mint Eye says everyone in lonesome pain will... well, it goes against Rika's teachings tenfold.

It forces Ray to consider that maybe the world wouldn't hurt him since he's bound to face hardship with his own health and maybe it might be better for him out there than it is with his Savior, and it forces Suit Saeran to realize that no matter how cruel he becomes, there's no way his anger will force everyone to succumb to despair, and the Savior was wrong about power.

It's not your job to help them learn that lesson, but being close to you forces them to open their eyes when they would've struggled to do it before. Of course, that's just the way I see it, but adding in this factor would affect the situation, and I've thought about it so many times as a disabled MC. How would they react knowing me? How would that force them to realize Mint Eye is horrible?

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hi all.

Looking for advice and reassurance about my situation. Please do not suggest going to a therapist since that's not possible for me right now.

TW: chronic physical illness, hospital, meds, bullying, alcohol, death, burnout.

I have a chronic physical condition and stressful moments in my life makes me more prone to flare-ups. I've also heard from doctors as well as people with similar conditions that psychological distress can be one of the underlying causes and triggers.

I have at least two other family members diagnosed with the same condition on my mom's side of the family, one older than me (my aunt) and one younger than me (my little cousin).

My little cousin's case was so bad she had to go to the hospital and was prescribed some of the same meds that I take even though she's only 12. I don't know how she's coping with things but I do know she has a lot of stress. I would also not be surprised if she has trauma though we've never talked about it in-depth but I do know she has undergone severe bullying at school (I was bullied at school which left me with trauma too) and she also lost her dad unexpectedly (I recently had a traumatic death of a close family member too, which I'll talk about later).

My aunt (same side of the family, but not my cousin's mom) just kind of learned how to live with the condition and doesn't mention it too often. However, I do know she copes with stress in general by drinking. She has actually advised me to drink in order to help with my stress too (but I was raised in a completely alcohol-free household due to both my parents having a history of alcohol problems and not wanting to go back to it after they quit). I already know that drinking isn't the best solution, but I'm just mentioning that to show you how people in my family cope.

I feel like my condition was manageable for a while, then things started to get bad again and I would say since mid-last year or so it's become one of those things where I wake up with daily pain on a severe level. My pain keeps me from getting out of bed, and the medicine I take for it can sometimes have a drowsiness side effect so it's not uncommon for me to fall back asleep, and then wake up in pain again (my sleep position can be another pain trigger but I don't have any way of controlling that).

First I struggled a lot with school (probably the biggest stressor in my life for a while). I graduated and although it took me a while I finally found a job that I absolutely love. It gives me a sense of purpose and the co-workers I've met through my job are genuinely some of the best people I've ever met. But a lot of times I find it extremely hard to relax when I'm not working, and when I am working I constantly feel like I could be doing more or that my work isn't as good as other people's. I took on more work assignments than usual last month and now I'm feeling burnt out this month.

Lately, I had a death in the family that turned my world upside down. It's been extremely tough to deal with. I saw her die in front of me and saw other extremely unpleasant things like seeing her body carried out of her room, seeing her open casket at the funeral, and just lots of other disturbing mental images I can't get out of my head.

After that, I had a really difficult Christmas which I spent away from home on an emergency trip (another one of my relatives was near death, but went back to stable condition). The trip was an awful experience which took a deep toll on my mental health. Everyone was stressed out because it was a last minute situation and I feel like this made us all act way more argumentative and aggressive towards each other than usual.

During the trip and after coming back, I noticed my schedule got disrupted and my pain was starting to get more frequent. Usually I only need to treat it in the morning but ever since the trip I have started getting pain episodes about 2-3 times a day.

I know it's been months since Christmas but I still feel affected by it (and I know I'm not the only family member who is because my mom is constantly bringing up arguments related to stuff that happened on the trip that got her upset, it comes up again almost every day).

Like I said before, the high stress situation impacted EVERYONE and looking back I did say something that I probably should have kept to myself but my mom says she's never going to forget that I said it and that our relationship can never go back to being the same. And honestly it hasn't been the same, it really feels like she hates me now.

There are many MANY more things I could mention but basically it just feels like one thing after the next and I'm suffering a lot both physically and mentally.

At the moment I'm feeling really guilty about my condition. Like I said before I wake up with pain and I've been experiencing pain later on in the day too so the moment I wake up, I'm already anticipating a day ahead where I have to be treating my symptoms but still force myself to be productive/get work done because I don't know how to give myself breaks. And I feel bad because I feel like if I hadn't let my stress levels get to this point then my pain wouldn't have gotten so bad (meaning my physical health wouldn't have gotten this bad either) and I blame myself for not knowing how to cope better. I don't cope with alcohol but I don't know if treating my pain with meds is really that much better, I'm not misusing them or anything but I do worry about potential long-term effects on my body.

As of last month I don't have a doctor anymore (thanks to insurance issues). And I don't think I'd be able to see a therapist (again, insurance issues… and my experiences with "free therapy" have never actually been free and left me feeling worse rather than better).

Do you have any advice on how I can start dealing with all this on my own? From Chantal

Hi Chantal,

I'm so sorry about not only what your family has been going through but also what you've been going through as well. I'm also so sorry for your loss. I can see that you're hurting on multiple levels.

It sounds like this condition is taking a great toll on you and your family, not only the pain itself but the side effects of the medication, as well as how other family members are coping with it.

I'm so glad to hear that you found a job you love, and that you're getting along well with your coworkers. But I can understand how it can be hard to relax when you're not working, especially with the condition you're dealing with.

I also hear you saying how, when you're working, you feel like you could be doing more. While this is hard to subdue, do know that you're already doing more than enough. You're doing your best given your circumstances and that's okay. You don't have to overexert yourself or come out on top every time. It's important to remind yourself of where your boundaries and limits are and respect them when you reach your capacity (especially with a chronic illness), in order to avoid burnout in the future.

I can understand how your loss has been hard to deal with, especially with everything else you've been dealing with recently. I think watching someone die as well as the other unpleasant things you saw could definitely be traumatic, and it's understandable that these images are hard to shake.

I also see how the emergency that unfolded around Christmas made your family more tense and hostile towards each other. Please know that it's okay if you still feel affected by what happened. You've been going through a very stressful time recently and it's important to acknowledge that.

Your question does not necessarily have a simple answer. There are a lot of parts to your pain that I feel like are all tangled up together, and so it may be a little complicated to try and sort them out and process everything on your own (i.e without the guidance or mediation of a mental health professional, although I know that's not an option for you right now). But I can give you a general framework of how you could process your traumas.

This article talks about emotional and psychological trauma and how to heal from these. It mentions that for those who have lost a loved one, part of healing is of course moving through the grieving process.

As for healing from trauma in general, the article recommends to get moving if possible, or practicing mindfulness. "Notice the sensation of your feet hitting the ground, for example, or the rhythm of your breathing, or the feeling of wind on your skin." The second tip is to avoid isolating yourself, whether that's participating in social activities, talking to friends, joining a support group for trauma survivors, and such. The third tip is to self-regulate your nervous system by practicing grounding and breathing exercises, but also allowing yourself to feel any emotions that may come up. The fourth tip is to just take care of yourself as best as possible, avoid self-medicating, rest well, eat a balanced diet, and practice some stress-relief activities.

Please know that healing isn't linear, and there is no time limit. You heal at your own pace, sometimes you will take backwards steps, but it's all part of the healing journey. Please remember to be gentile and patient with yourself, not only as you deal with your chronic physical illness but also as you process these traumas.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[xhischeriex]

The Code

.1: This is a private, selective and mutuals only blog. We must be following each other to interact. I need this in order to protect myself from people who have hurt me in the past. This isn't me trying to be mean, I just like to actually follow the people I write with and for them to follow me as a lot of my stuff will be revealed through background posts and headcanons. I will be checking your rules and carrds as well, or pinned posts. 2: So let me start by saying I do have many chronic health issues and roleplay is a form of stress relief for me. From time to time I can be slow, I apologize in advance for that. If you feel like I've missed a response, please contact me. 3: When it comes to interactions, I don't do greeter posts. When you come to my blog and follow, feel free to send memes, reply to starter calls, hop into my DMS for plotting. I'm pretty chill. Though, I do need to say, I generally just go with the flow. I've had people plot things with me in the past and it goes horribly wrong. Plotting causes me a bit of anxiety, so please bare that in mind. I do try though. I generally just go where the muse takes me. 4: This blog may contain triggering content. My character went through some traumatic situations and therefore I plan on covering mental health as well as themes that might be triggering to some. I will try to use tags, if something HAS triggered you, please let me know and I will try to tag it appropriately. I want my mutuals to be comfortable with me.

5: On the subject of shipping. I am multiship, but no two ships happen at the same time unless discussed with ALL muns involved. On the grounds of shipping, I love to talk things out when it comes to ships. You will see many different forms of ships on this blog. My character as well as myself are pansexual, therefore you may see him in hetero and homosexual ships. If this is something that bothers you, I understand if you unfollow. 6: Policing mutuals, will NOT occur on this ship. I've had personal issues with certain people, therefore I do not interact with them, however if others do that's totally fine. If I am told that they are acting towards you in the same why they did me I will let you make your own decisions on the situation, if asked I WILL explain my side of it and my experiences. Other than that it's YOUR choice who you write with, no one else controls that. 7: OOC Drama and Callout Posts, I will NOT interact with or tolerate. I have enough stress as it is. Going back to my second rule, I have an illness that affects my heart. If drama starts I will soft block you for a time. I don't like it, you need to be aware of what your actions can do to the people around you. At the end of the day we are all human and make mistakes when upset and even when we aren't upset. We are all adults here, lets act like it. 8: Plotting, I'm normally a go with the flow, let the muses do what they do type of human. However, I know some people love to plot out their work. That's totally cool too, just understand with my illness that might take a lot more than I've got the spoons for. Doesn't mean I'm not interested, I just have very little brain function most of the time. 9: If you have an issue with something I've written, please reach out in DMS so we can discuss it. If you need to unfollow that's fine too. I totally understand doing what you need to do to take care of yourself. 10: Discord is available for those who I am close to. I have to protect my health and wellbeing. But my Tumblr DMS are always open.

[sonoftheshield]

THE CODE

Side Note, reposting these on the blog, as I've been informed that some people cannot access Carrd. So here we go. 1: This is a private, selective and mutuals only blog. We must be following each other to interact. I need this in order to protect myself from people who have hurt me in the past. This isn't me trying to be mean, I just like to actually follow the people I write with and for them to follow me as a lot of my stuff will be revealed through background posts and headcanons. I will be checking your rules and carrds as well, or pinned posts. 2: So let me start by saying I do have many chronic health issues and roleplay is a form of stress relief for me. From time to time I can be slow, I apologize in advance for that. If you feel like I've missed a response, please contact me. 3: When it comes to interactions, I don't do greeter posts. When you come to my blog and follow, feel free to send memes, reply to starter calls, hop into my DMS for plotting. I'm pretty chill. Though, I do need to say, I generally just go with the flow. I've had people plot things with me in the past and it goes horribly wrong. Plotting causes me a bit of anxiety, so please bare that in mind. I do try though. I generally just go where the muse takes me. 4: This blog may contain triggering content. My OC went through some traumatic situations and therefore I plan on covering mental health as well as themes that might be triggering to some. I will try to use tags, if something HAS triggered you, please let me know and I will try to tag it appropriately. I want my mutuals to be comfortable with me.

5: On the subject of shipping. I am multiship, but no two ships happen at the same time unless discussed with ALL muns involved. On the grounds of shipping, I love to talk things out when it comes to ships. You will see many different forms of ships on this blog. My character as well as myself are pansexual, therefore you may see him in hetero and homosexual ships. If this is something that bothers you, I understand if you unfollow. 6: Policing mutuals, will NOT occur on this ship. I've had personal issues with certain people, therefore I do not interact with them, however if others do that's totally fine. If I am told that they are acting towards you in the same why they did me I will let you make your own decisions on the situation, if asked I WILL explain my side of it and my experiences. Other than that it's YOUR choice who you write with, no one else controls that. 7: OOC Drama and Callout Posts, I will NOT interact with or tolerate. I have enough stress as it is. Going back to my second rule, I have an illness that affects my heart. If drama starts I will soft block you for a time. I don't like it, you need to be aware of what your actions can do to the people around you. At the end of the day we are all human and make mistakes when upset and even when we aren't upset. We are all adults here, lets act like it. 8: Plotting, I'm normally a go with the flow, let the muses do what they do type of human. However, I know some people love to plot out their work. That's totally cool too, just understand with my illness that might take a lot more than I've got the spoons for. Doesn't mean I'm not interested, I just have very little brain function most of the time. 9: If you have an issue with something I've written, please reach out in DMS so we can discuss it. If you need to unfollow that's fine too. I totally understand doing what you need to do to take care of yourself. 10: Discord is available for those who I am close to. I have to protect my health and wellbeing. But my Tumblr DMS are always open.

[dismalrain]

F*ck The Tortured Artist Trope

I hate the tortured artist trope. I hate in my daily life and I hate it in art history.

TLDR: Being in pain, disabled, mentally ill, having an addiction doesn't inherently make you a better or more worthy artist. The more you suffer doesn't mean your art will become better and you don't need to suffer to be a great artist. Don't let the tortured artist trope make you fear getting help and putting your mental, physical, and all other well-being above all else.

I think that everyone in their life faces some sort of hardship, struggle, and that some people may have more of those that culminate than others. I do not believe that the more you suffer the better you are as an artist.

I think that philosophy puts young artists in the mindset that the more they suffer the better there art will be; also that if you're not suffering you don't have what it takes to be a good artist.

I was self-taught, then I started taking art classes when I started my undergrad, now I'm getting and MFA to be an art teacher (out of spite).

So I'm in my third year of university when I take the beginning/introductory art class. I have my OCD diagnosis and I'm over a decade into constant medication changed for my chronic illness (also like four step dads, being groomed online as a child, one step threatening to kill me and my partner, other nonsense). So we need to make a collage out of a sensation/feeling of our choice and then explain our decisions.

So I make a collage about my experience with debilitating paranoia that made me essentially agoraphobic and incapable of sleeping without someone in the house with me. This was all a symptom of my OCD, I'm medicated and I'm doing a lot better now.

So I'm talking about my piece, popping off, explaining all my shit and she's like 'well everyone experiences that, that's not hard to relate to' and I'm sitting there in my bed, at 7:30 pm on a Zoom meeting talking about my journey to getting medicated for a mental health condition that had me socially isolated to the point of being scared of my phone notifications. I thought it was out of touch but I ignored it and then my classmate was talking about her issues with disassociation and not being able to be in touch with her body and she said the exact the same thing.

I was thinking 'no, I don't think we experience that to the point of dropping out of society for weeks on end' I was not jiving with this teacher. It was one of the few times I didn't like a teacher because their personality just was an ick for me. But then we get to Van Gogh chat and she goes on, and on, and I mean a whole ass powerpoint about how his art is so inspirational because it was born out of mental illness and drug addiction. How if we wasn't suffering we wouldn't have been blessed with such divine works.

That's one of my hard stops. I do not think it's fair to say that Van Gogh's work is all mental illness and drugs. I do not think it's acceptable to say without mental illness he wouldn't have been great, wouldn't have been a painter, and anything else of that nature. I don't like it applied to me or anyone else either.

I'm scared that if we spread the idea of the tortured artist, artists will be scared to get help when they need. If we equate artistic genius and skill to the more we suffer, what protects young artists from the belief that they need to pursue suffering to improve. What protects mentally ill artists from the belief that they won't be good anymore if they seek help if they need it?

I have never really thought to myself that my art is what it is because I've had painful and bad experiences. I make art that helps me cope sometimes but I also make character designs. Of all the artists in the world I don't think work that is born out of suffering and turmoil makes it better inherently, it might just be that we at times seek out the tragic to make ourselves feel less alone. But I don't think that is what defines our success.

Take care of yourself. If someone tells you something about the importance of the tortured artist, I hope I can be a case study to show that my art is still good even though I'm medicated for my OCD and neuropathy now. I hope soon I'll have a pain protocol that makes living easier. I'll likely always be disabled but I don't want to always be tortured because of it.

If I'm off the mark as all hell let me know. I always want to know other people's thoughts and experiences and this is a topic that I think is particularly interesting.

[pandemic-info]

Another couple of comments saved from elsewhere; not mine:

I don't understand your reasoning. Being one of the few who have not knowingly been infected should only increase your conviction to continue your precautions, because you can literally see that what you are doing is working. It makes absolutely no sense to want to stop masking or protecting yourself simply because you are the last person you know who has managed to avoid becoming ill. If this disease had a 50% casualty rate, and as a result, all of the people in your social circle died or became chronically ill/disabled, would you now say, "well, all my friends are screwed so now I feel like I'm missing out--I guess I should just get it over with?" COVID infection is not a "one and done" thing. It's not as if you get it once and then you can just behave like everyone else and pretend it doesn't exist anymore. Each time you get it, each time you get sick, you are rolling the dice on your long-term health, and it doesn't stop you from getting it again. I don't understand why so many people still don't fucking get this. "Oh, got my life-threatening respiratory disease last month, still can't breathe normally, guess I don't ever have to worry about it again!!!" Sorry if I sound angry, but I am. I'm not angry at you. I'm angry because I see this kind of flawed reasoning day in and day out, and the scientists who I would have thought would "get it" are now telling those of us who are still being careful to get over their supposed psychological trauma and just accept the risk. It has really made me realize just how deep the misinformation and cognitive biases go, and as a scientist myself, I find such lack of evidence-based reasoning to be contemptible. That said, I don't go to the precautionary extremes that some of you do, although I applaud and wholeheartedly support you for understanding and taking action in accordance with your personal risk level.

And:

“…get over their supposed psychological trauma and just accept the risk.” This is infuriating to me. There are all kinds of non-fatal things that a person doesn’t want to have happen to them. The only non-luck way to reduce or prevent them is intentionally living in a manner that is aware of the risk and effective mitigations. That they decided the risk is acceptable and thus consider all those who haven’t made the same decision as psycholgically traumatized is disgusting. For all the gains made in mental health acceptances I believe there is an almost equal weaponization of it. A unspoken tendency to perceive anyone who is too many degrees from normal or to many degrees from the given thinker’s POV as “sick” and thus easily disregarded as defective; whose thoughts and preferences, no matter how reasoned are merely symptoms of disease.

[tarabyte3]

No question, just wanted you to know that you're lovely and talented and I hope you're doing ok (hopefull better than ok, you deserve it). ❤️

This is so fucking sweet and I appreciate it so much that every time I look at it, I start crying. Thank you for checking up on me 💖😭 I am struggling to find words to express how much it means to me.

So I am going to use this answer to post an update for everyone.

Short answer: I'm not doing great.

BUT I believe that anyone who is able and willing to share their mental health journey should. Both to normalize the struggle AND so that anyone else quietly going through the same thing doesn't feel so alone or as though it's their fault. Because it isn't our fault! We don't deserve this, and it's cruel our own brains tell us we do.

Also getting it out is just therapeutic sometimes!

Therefore the long answer under the cut.

CW: discussion of mental health and depression

I want to preface this with: I'm safe. I have no intrusive or physically harmful thoughts. 💖

But I'm really struggling. I feel like shit most of the time. Mentally, emotionally, and physically.

The winter blues have me in a chokehold and are preventing me from doing things that I enjoy doing to help me feel better.

When you're depressed, it can be difficult to do basic tasks. It can feel impossible to do things like self-care, exercise, or to work on creative projects.

I thrive on creative projects. I need enrichment in my enclosure!! When I don't have them or can't do them, it makes me feel actively worse.

I haven't been able to work on my fic because right now my brain is an undercooked scrambled egg in a mesh colander. I get about 100 words out (I'm at ~2.5k words for this next chapter, which is about half done, I would guess) and then I just stare blankly at my screen. Which sucks because I have the vision for what I want to write in my head (😏), but no way to get it to come out of my brain.

(Side note: thank god for gif making and Andy content because it's the one thread keeping me from bolting into the woods, never to return)

I also have a few home decor, painting, and craft projects I could work on, but I lack motivation due to depression.

It's just an ouroboros of "depressed so I can't be creative" and "need to be creative so I'm not depressed." 🙃

We're getting wave after wave of winter weather here (right now we're in a massive ice storm), which is keeping me indoors. Being cooped up is rough on me. I need to be active. I'm just a complicated houseplant—probably a calathea as we are both drama queens.

I'm also finding it difficult to exercise due to: you guessed it! The sads. My beloved rowing machine, stationary bike, treadmill, and yoga mat sit neglected.

I am also eating far too much bread. Which, while immediately satisfying, is unfortunately not a long term solution because it's actively contributing to me feeling worse 😂

I reached out to try and find a personal trainer to help with the lack of motivation, get me out of the house, have a routine, AND get some workout endorphins to kickstart my healthy habits back into gear, but I haven't heard a single thing back from any of them. Which is disheartening.

Especially since another fun symptom of depression is feeling completely fucking alone and ignored. Which is rude AF, btw.

I'm going to keep making Andy gifs and crossing my fingers that the weather lets up so I can leave the house. Maybe go to some thrift and antique stores or a plant store. That always makes me feel better!

So other than some far more personal struggles with having a chronically ill teenager, there you have it!

I appreciate all of you for helping keep me sane and connected, even though I haven't been logging on as much as I had been due to being too busy staring at a wall and contemplating whether or not I should eat more bread. (I should NOT. …or should I?)

Truly. Thank you. 💕🥹🥺

[breelandwalker]

Hi, I've been into witchcraft since I can remember and a few years ago I started practicing but stopped soon after, thinking I might not have "the gift". I struggle with depression, anxiety, most probably adhd and intrusive thoughts. Whenever I tried to make even the simplest and positive spells, I ended up with the opposite result, thus my belief of not having powers etc. Have you ever encountered a similar situation? Could my issues influence the craft? Thank you!

Oh. Oh sweetheart. Honey, you come and sit by me, you need to hear a few things.

I don't know who's been feeding you this idea that you need grandiose powers or some innate "gift" in order to be a proper witch and do magic, but it's simply not true. You're a witch from the moment you pick up the craft until the day you decide to leave it, and no one can make that decision for you.

And trust me when I say that no one's spells go right a hundred percent of the time. Every witch has had spells that go wonky or backfire or just plain fizzle out and don't work. Any witch who says their spells always work exactly the way they want and expect is a liar, plain and simple. We all fail and that's okay, because we learn from our failures and become stronger for it.

Witchcraft is a craft and a practice, and it does take time to gain skill and find ways to make spells work the way you want. At the same time, it's important to remember that magical solutions require mundane legwork, are never guaranteed, and rarely manifest in ways that are boldly obvious.

As for your mental health issues....

My darling poppet, I have those same problems myself. I struggle with some hellish permutation of depression, anxiety, ADHD, executive dysfunction, intrusive thoughts, forgetfulness, imposter syndrome, migraines, neuropathy, and insomnia every single day. I know how painful and frustrating it is, how much it feels like I should be able to do more, like other witches must be doing better than me because they don't have these problems.

But I also know that I am more than my mental and physical health issues. I know that when my spells don't work, it's because of probability or circumstance, not because I wasn't feeling my best when I cast it. I am every bit as much of a witch on the days when I perform fullscale warding rituals as I am when I can barely get out of bed, let alone find the energy to study technique or cast a spell. And believe me - so are you.

MANY witches struggle with issues of mental health, chronic illness, limited mobility, and more. It doesn't make any of us any less valid as magical practitioners. We do not have to be perfect to practice. The craft meets us where we are.

Having these issues just means that we might have to be a little more creative in how we approach our studies. It may means finding different ways to meditate or trying different ways of casting the same kind of spell. It may mean finding creative ways to eliminate distractions or work spells into our everyday routine rather than waiting for a special occasion. It may mean having a "close enough" mentality for celebrating holidays or thinking outside the box when it comes to magical timing. But it's still very, VERY possible.

The most important thing is to be patient with yourself and to not judge your progress by comparing it to someone else's. There are as many ways to do witchcraft as there are witches in the world. Your journey will not look like anyone else's, because there is only one you. Don't feel like you need to tie yourself down to one idea or one methodology because that's what you see around you. If the path you're on isn't working, look for another one.

It may take time, but with patience and practice, it does get easier. An acorn on the ground seems small, but given time, there stands an oak. Believe in yourself and in your ability to change and grow, and don't give up!

I hope this helps a little. My inbox is always open for questions.

[eeblouissant]

Goodmorning !!!!! headcanons time :^)

Starting with miss Dorothy because she has the most (simply because of her pre-existing health issues & Sophia dying - had she not she probs wouldn't):

Dorothy aged overnight after Sophia died; mostly due to her chronic fatigue syndrome flaring up & kind of just, never seeming to come down. She struggled with finding the energy to speak, (& exist, really) for almost two years after her death. This depressive episode & chronic illness flare up was by far the most painful experience she's ever gone through - & a very close call. She was so convinced she'd be unable to go on without her Ma that her body began to believe it too. Coupled with her advancing age nearly lead to the worst, & landed her in the hospital to be monitored for a number of weeks.

She became extremely frail; becoming noticeably pale, thinning & losing hair, losing weight, & the ability to walk without an aid. These things became better but never went away, & neither did how much more intense CFS had become for her. You have to be so patient with her; she moves & exists a few paces behind everyone else, but she's still Dorothy after that storm passes.

She wears Sophia's glasses on an extended chain around her neck. The same chain Sophia kept them on - when she had the chain extended she watched over the whole process like a hawk (unable to do it on her own, which is what she would have preferred, and she had tried - but her hands would shake so much that it just ended in tears & a fit of frustration). So no, she doesn't need glasses now, I just loved the angst & implications attached B’) )

At home she should be using a wheelchair, because she had been told by numerous doctors that she absolutely should be using one anyway (more than just at home) - But she struggles to accept how bad this has gotten for her, & can get quite irritated when people remind her. So, even though it feels miserable to walk for windows of time, she settled for a cane. Something she can lean on. At home Blanche & Rose help ease her into using the aid she actually needs, and Dorothy eventually becomes okay with letting them see her sick. They remind her constantly that it's nothing to be ashamed of if it's helping her exist.(And also because they're slightlyyyyy terrified that she'll push herself too far one day & become unable to exist at all without it, simply because they fear the depressive episode it would likely send Dorothy into. She doesn't deserve to lose more than she already had)

On a lighter note: she's really taken to the 1920s vibe. Loose flow-y clothes are easy to get around in & easy to get on & off with little work! Dorothy is also the only one out of the three that accepts the physical (appearance) changes that come with this stage of aging. She's kind of the advocator; when Blanche (especially Blanche) or Rose start to spiral, she pulls them in & reminds them just how beautiful they are now, & how beautiful they have always been. The words "aging is a privilege" have been heard many, many, manyyyy times.

Oh, & her voice got significantly deeper. It seems to just continue doing that; Blanche & Rose adore it. Dorothy is indifferent. (She also talks slower, she misses opportunities to throw sarcasm & playful insults at the girls because the speed of her thoughts just don't match the speed she moves. It gets very frustrating. She has good & bad days with it, Blanche and Rose have learned to wait up for her. She’s also loud — her hearing loss progresses & shows no signs of slowing down.)

Blanche is next - lots of these headcanons mostly revolve around her physical appearance, mental health, & reactions to aging, because I think she's actually the (physically) healthiest of the three.

Deep down she is terrified of aging; terrified of death. Her vanity goes further & has a much deeper meaning than she might make it seem.

This is the root cause of her obsession with appearance at this stage in her life. She's seen what death does, how it completely changes the lives and habits of people & loved ones - herself included. First her George, then her parents, & now Dorothy. She's got a case of anticipatory guilt if you will; really she's the most selfless person in a room, but she masks it well. she fears being vulnerable will open her up to acceptance. She will never accept the eventuality of her own death, & what it might do to her girls (should she pass before them)

She continues with beauty rituals that may have worked for her twenty years ago, but only age her prematurely now. Sun tanning & a lengthy face & skincare routine are not things that are very beneficial to her anymore, but she refuses to change her routine; she's a little stuck in the 80s. She is discovering that there are things that will begin happening that she can't do anything about, & the biggest has been how thin her hair begins to become. It comes on slowly, & it reminds her of her mother. She never thought it'd be something she'd have to deal with, so she never thought twice about when she'd see her mother near the end of her life with noticeably thin hair; compared to what she remembered in childhood. She wears scarves & headbands to cover the spots that are especially bad, & has stopped dying her hair (out of fear the dye will cause it to fall out faster).

She does not experience the memory issues & that awful disease that her mother suffered - she is eternally grateful. However, watching her brother & sister deteriorate takes a massive toll on her. Virginia refuses to see her, because she can't remember her (why would she want some stranger around? Having Blanche around agitates her very quickly, & not knowing why just makes it worse) & Clayton can only remember her. It devastates his husband, & created a divide between Blanche & her brother in law. Blanche visits him once a week, normally accompanied by Rose (the drive home always ends in tears, it would be unsafe for Blanche to drive. Every week she goes on the same ramble about watching her family disappear - Rose can't barely handle it)

She spends all of her time with Rose & Dorothy, because of all the people & things in the world only they bring her true peace. If she’s gotten anything positive out of this experience it’s becoming significantly less materialistic - she couldn’t care less about material things anymore. Her girls are her world, & she wouldn’t change that for anything. (On this — she never mellowed the way people talk about “mellowing in my old age” - she’s still got all the energy she had twenty years ago. It’ll take a lot more than a few years to shake Blanche Devereaux!)

Rose ….. oh Rose I love you.

In terms of health, on a scale from Dorothy to Blanche - she’s exactly in the middle. Something that worries her is how little she knows about her biological family: she doesn’t know how she’ll age. The aging process has been a gamble for her, and there have been more than a few occasions where Dorothy & Blanche have had to talk her out of panicking about all the possibilities. This has been her biggest struggle in aging.

Physically, she ages “the most noticeably” compared to Dorothy & Blanche. She has sharper/wider features (face & nose shape, body type, etc) & so she ages differently than them. She gains healthy weight, & has a few more wrinkles around her face & on her neck, + many many new spots & beauty marks (that her wives shower with kisses!!!). The Girls are shocked at how poorly she takes the process - they had never seen Rose so caught up in vanity before, but she actually always has been! This is hinted at in canon constantly and I think it’s really interesting for her. Where she normally seems a little ditzy & one step behind, she’s actually very aware of her physical appearance & when others comment on it. Like when Blanche offered to share her true & accurate age if Rose shared her weight - they both lied!! It’s not often that Rose isn’t truthful (she’s also just very bad at lying) so I had to include this here.

Otherwise, honestly, I don’t think Rose changes much. She does move away from her house dresses & the like - I think she lives in sweaters & skirts & comfy pjs. She continues to dye her hair too - she’ll never accept the gray. She struggles with a bit of chronic aches & pains in her back & hands (hands especially - thinking arthritis. It just kills her some days) but she has no signs of memory issues or other illnesses that come with aging. She’s also the only of the three that still drives constantly! She has the best eyes & ears of the three. (She’s best fit to still be driving, basically. Not that Blanche absolutely can’t - but she doesn’t much anymore with becoming a bit of a hermit. & Dorothy absolutely cannot get behind the wheel anymore.)

Bonus, for added angst: Sophia’s cause of death was a second stroke. She lived into her early nineties & passed in her sleep. Her last words were ‘goodnight, pussycat.’

(No, Dorothy did not find her, that’s too much angst even for me — Rose did. & she hesitated to tell Dorothy for a few hours because she had woken up so peacefully that morning. ((the last time she’d wake up that way for a very, very long time… Rose had a feeling about it)). Rose sat with Sophia for a while I think, just talked to her. Asked & prayed for ‘how will I ever tell Dorothy about this’)

Not sure if you're taking requests. I love seeing your Golden girls art so much and I wonder what your take of older Golden Wives, (like 10-15 years post series) would be? Please and thank you, no pressure of course 😊

hiiii i hope you don’t mind me responding to this insanely fast but omg I was so obsessed with this idea I just had to … gonna reblog with an essays worth of headcanons in the morning but for now pick out what you will :D

(Also — requests are always open!!!! You have no idea how much I love them aaaaa /gen!!!!)

[dirtytransmasc]

Random comfort Hc's that either A. Barely line up with canon or B. Don't line up with canon at all but make me happy, so we're going to ignore it; if we're completely honest, these are almost all about Viktor

{This is coming from a queer, chronically ill (ironically in many of the same ways as Viktor), mentally ill, transmasc}

- Viktor has stomach issues [that range anywhere from food sensitivities to extreme stomach upsets], joint issues [all throughout his body], and minor respiratory issues [asthma or pleurisy type stuff, that worsen with time. Unlike in the show, where they only show up when he starts getting really sick] that force him into bed rest for days at a time

- Jayce is his caretaker, no ifs ands or buts about it. He actually refuses to not dote on him. He always says something along the lines of 'im your partner, and more importantly, I'm your friend, so I'm sticking to my promise that I will always be there for you even when you don't want me to' because I'm my chemically unbalanced brain Jayce does not disappoint his boyfriend a would make promises like that

- Viktor has bad pain days, bad pain as in he is left a half-there version of himself and can barely sit up, let alone move around. Those are the days he stays home and waits for Jayce to find him. When Jayce eventually does, he takes the day off and spends it doting after Viktor.

- Jayce has a sort of 6th sense when it comes to Viktor. They are so codependent they can communicate without talking. He can gauge Viktor's pain or how sick he feels with a simple look and can tell when he needs help getting out of a situation just by his body language.

- Viktor is trans. I dare you to try and rip that idea from my cold, gay hands.

- Jayce is an 'I like both dogs and cats' person who has a special place in his heart for cats but says he only likes dogs. I don't know why but he has that vibe. Considering most of this fandom compares Viktor to cats, it's twice as funny.

- Viktor is almost the opposite. He just says he prefers cats over dogs. Which is sorta true, but not entirely. Considering he loves Jayce, who is basically a golden retriever.

- Jayce is really good at manipulating old wealthy people and delivering groundbreaking speeches but sucks at one-on-one conversations and comforting people* (I'm gonna come back to his one, but I need to show one other headcanon to make the one that started this one make sense, just stick with me)

- Viktor really doesn't like when people see him sick, not only cause he hates being pitied but because he feels like a major burden, and he feels like it will push people away. He's worried Jayce will eventually get tired of him and his declining health

- Now for the love child of the two previous headcanons. When Viktor was having a horrible day, he ended up breaking down, apologizing to Jayce over and over for being sick and getting the way of their work, etc. So Jayce attempts to comfort him by saying, 'you deserve to be sick' he meant it with good intentions and a completely different meaning. He had meant to say that Viktor was allowed to feel sick without feeling like a burden to anyone, but in a fantastic example of how bad at communicating Jayce is, he fucked up. Viktor had to stare at him for a good minute before he realized his mistake. He apologized profusely and rephrased, which gave Viktor a laugh, but he never let Jayce live that down.

- This is based partially off of another headcanon by (@Xialaix). Jayce needs to take frequent ice baths due to working in the forge, and Viktor is so clingy codependent that he follows Jayce and tinker with something while chatting in the bathroom. On to my continued headcanon, they have an exceptional bath now that they're basically rich. First, the tub itself is huge and is a top-of-the-art jet bath with plenty of unnecessary and, quite frankly, bougie features, but that's beside the point. The best part is the huge window and accompanying window loft for Viktor. It's basically a huge heating pad that is good for Viktor's various ailments and is nice and comfy. They both deserve a nice way to decompress. This totally didn't come from the idea that Viktor is basically a cat who lives to sunbathe. And he totally doesn't dip his hand in the water just to flick it in Jayce's face, not at all.

- Viktor is always fucking cold, and half the time, he doesn't even notice, and Jayce will brush up against him and will yell at him cause his skin feels like ice. But, there are other times when Viktor knows he's cold and will steal Jayce's jacket or go sit in the forge with him cause what else do you expect from him? Other times he just hugs Jayce cause I can tell just by looking at him, that man is warm as hell but in a nice way. That and he isn't like sweaty warm. He's just warm and soft. Perfect for hugging.

- Viktor has a really good poker face. He likes to steal things from Jayce and make him think he's lost them. It brings him joy. He does return the stuff eventually... Most of the time.

- Jayce took Viktor on dates before they actually started dating. They'd be super simple, little picnics or going to see whatever entertainment they have in piltover. He just wanted to spend time with his partner cause he was desperate for attention.

- they actually started dating around the first release of hextech (a few months are they became partners). Jayce was all excited and caught up in the moment he ended up kissing Viktor. It was all sweet and innocent, but it defiantly sparked something. That something was quickly acted upon.

- Even though Viktor insists he can't dance, Jayce still forces him into it. It is more like Viktor leaning on him and Jayce rocking them side to side, maybe even giving Viktor a twirl, but it's still cute. Viktor adores it, but he would never admit it. It's one of those things that reminds Viktor just how much Jayce loves him, even if it's stupid.

- Mel is literally Jayce and Viktor's best friend and biggest supporter, and I think that goes for both in and out of my personal comfort au type thing. She never once did anything with Jayce knowing about the close relationship between him and Viktor. if any of them saw you talking shit about her, they'd probably find a way to have hextech kick your teeth in (aka, stop villainizing Mel, she's amazing, and I love her)

- Jayce proposed to Viktor but has yet to get him to agree to anything more than a promise ring. Viktor doesn't want to marry Jayce and leave him behind.

that's all I have at the moment, but I do plan to do a part two eventually and maybe I'll do other characters next time... but no promises. hope you enjoy these.

if you see typos, no you don't. If you point them out you're homophobic.

[chordsykat]

10 for all the ladies

10: How is your oc about medical care? Do they avoid any form of healthcare that they can, do they seek it out over every little scrape? Do they treat their injuries/illness all by themselves?

This is an interesting one, isn't it? I know you and I share a mutual medical background too, OP, so this could be fun (or incredibly boring, depending on how you see it, LOL) :D

Nita - Probably the most likely to, *of her own volition*, see an actual doctor/medical professional of the bunch. Nita is the person who gets regular checkups, eye, and dental work done. She's also the most "normal" about drugs. She'll take Advil for pain, Tylenol for really bad pain, and go to the ER if it gets worse than that. I don't see her having many medical ailments or chronic illnesses to speak of. She's also keen to seek out therapy when it comes to her mental health. Caj - As an assassin, she's pretty familiar with the human body's vital signs and various aspects of physiology for that matter. This extends to an ability to self-treat injuries sustained "on the job" based on the necessity to keep their origins secret. Caj has a high tendency to get in over her head and is far less capable of taking care of herself than she'd like to believe, however. Has had some bad experiences with doctors who wouldn't take her seriously until she "quits the drugs and gains weight". Cherry - Hates doctors and hospitals with a passion and insists she has never known one to help her in any way that couldn't be managed with her own brand of self-doctoring. Has had some bad experiences with doctors who wouldn't take her seriously until she "quits the drugs and loses weight". Probably would benefit the most from a mental health professional who could help her work through some of her feelings of inadequacy, but because of those same feelings, just can't seem to find the will to go. Sparkles - Will just *walk it off*, thanks. Cuts, scrapes, dislocated limbs, massive hemorrhaging, pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis? No big. She might self-medicate with some booze and weed, but Sparkles doesn't really do a lot of drugs, either. Probably equates trips to the doctor with the animal testing facilities she's liberated countless cute and fuzzy critters from, and therefore doesn't care for them on the basis of appearance, alone. Eden - Doesn't really have anything against modern medicine, but also finds herself in the position of least-likely to need medical attention. Perfectly capable of healing herself thanks to her supernatural gifts.

That one was indeed a hoot and a half. Hope it was as good for you as it was for me. :D

Prompt list is here!

[i-write-hurt-not-comfort]

What would you diagnose Subaru as ? Like disorder wise

that's a really good question which i explored in my very long DL x VNC x PH prison fanfic, blue is the new pink. i'm not saying read all of it, but if you want to see how i explored this in a modern AU, chapter 4 is the one in which he gets diagnosed with it.

whilst i'd say the main diagnosis is the same, i think the reasoning is a bit different in the canon universe. this is also a good opportunity for me to say something which i strongly disagree with in subaru and christa's wiki pages.

TL;DR - borderline personality disorder.

for anyone who doesn't know what borderline personality disorder (BPD), which can also be called emotionally-unstable personality disorder (EUPD), it's a personality disorder categorised by intense emotional instability, rapidly changing moods, impulsive and self-destructive behaviour, fear of abandonment, very low self-esteem, and chronic suicidal ideation. other symptoms can include dissociation, intense and unstable relationships, black-and-white thinking patterns ("splitting") and psychosis. there's 9 main criteria and you have to fit 5 out of 9 to get a diagnosis, as well as having certain characteristics affecting multiple areas of your life. i'm linking the NHS article about BPD here because there's a lot to this disorder.

i want to make a disclaimer here that this post does not exist for people to self-diagnose with. BPD is a complex disorder with lots of overlapping symptoms and should never be self-diagnosed for several reasons. i have been diagnosed with BPD since i was 18, i've been in therapy for it (DBT, and MBT) for 18 months now, and i've been diagnosed with bipolar type 2 disorder for a few months now. so, i know what i'm talking about.

so the first thing i want to address is the fact that on subaru's wiki in his "history" section, it says "christa became mentally ill and bipolar" and before that it says "she started to struggle in between hating and loving [karlheinz] and became mentally ill"

the term "bipolar" here is wrong. like, it's just wrong. bipolar is a mood disorder characterised by long periods of depression or mania. frankly, we don't know enough about christa to know if she had bipolar disorder or not.

there's a really common misconception among people who don't know a lot about mental health disorders than rapidly changing whether you love or hate someone is what bipolar is. and it's not. it's just not, at all. bipolar episodes are long-lasting and generally don't have rapidly changing feelings towards loved ones.

this "struggling between hating and loving" someone, which she also experiences with subaru, is something we call "splitting" - it's not a formal medical term but it's common among the BPD community. essentially it's an extreme form of black-and-white thinking where somebody is either the best person you know, or the worst person on earth and there's no in between.

during episodes of splitting, people with BPD can be really mean. like, people with BPD are NOT inherently abusive but i'll be first to step up and take accountability and say i've almost driven my close friends out of my life because of how i treated them because of this. it's similar to how christa treats subaru when she sees him as a product of karlheinz - screaming at him, telling him he's dirty, telling him to kill himself or here etc.

so, christa doesn't have bipolar. i think christa had BPD. splitting is associated with some other disorders but in general the way christa was treated by karlheinz and how she acts around cordelia (competitive, confrontational), how dysregulated her emotions are... yeah, i would say christa had BPD. there's 4 subtypes (this link has some more info about the types of BPD) and i'd put her as the petulant subtype.

christa's wiki describes her episodes as "fits and psychotic episodes" - the term "fits" isn't really an appropriate word to use here but i'd say psychotic episodes works too. psychosis is one of the 9 BPD criteria so this makes sense here.

so, subaru? well, as well as having a genetic component, BPD is almost entirely a trauma disorder. parents with untreated BPD often raise children with BPD.

with subaru's mother constantly having psychotic episodes, telling him awful things about him as a very young child, being generally neglected and having no loving parental figure who can validate his feelings, it's not really surprising that i would say subaru developed BPD himself.

i could talk a lot about the reasons subaru has BPD but if you click the links attached in this post and read the symptoms, you'll see why. the fact that subaru has no clear idea of what it's like to love somebody properly, that makes it very difficult for him to form a meaningful connection with yui. that's why we see him having crises and really struggling to understand these feelings in HDB and MB, to the point where he has rage outbursts because he has no other way of channelling those feelings. extreme anger is another common symptom in BPD.

but sometimes, he's gentle with yui! people with BPD can be really loving and loyal, and REALLY clingy.

having somebody to accept you for who you are and understand that often the unfair things said during splitting aren't actually how you fell; well that can be really important for someone with BPD. the conflict he feels in DF around his mother and struggling to accept his feelings for yui is definitely a reflection of his childhood trauma too.

so, yeah, i would diagnose subaru with BPD and that's because his mother had it too.

what does that mean for subakou? haha, well, i'd also diagnose kou with BPD. and two people with severe, untreated, undiagnosed BPD is never a good mix.

they look so innocent, but goddamn they could ruin each other's lives