#I feel like the honeymoon phase is actually brutal

[smiles-rambles]

I’m very curious, were there any diabetics that got diagnosed and in the beginning they were taking fantastic care of themselves but then when the honeymoon phase started to die down, taking care of yourself became a lot harder and suddenly you weren’t doing as great as you were before?

[sakasamurai707]

Oh boy I can’t sleep so here’s some Cyberpunk Relationship Headcanons!

Kerry x Male!V

-Kerry genuinely sung the ‘I love you, bitch. I’ll never stop loving you, bitch’ song to V on their three month anniversary, complete with the guitar. V had no idea what to say, and didn’t understand the reference.

-Kerry sleeps starfish style and with his mouth open. V has had to close his mouth because he drools in the night.

-Kerry swore he would never have an animal in his mansion before Nibbles came to be. After he met nibbles, Kerry bought him a throne style cat bed.

-Kerry doesn’t understand that not every kiss has to be with tongue. V has genuinely bitten his tongue because he just wanted a quick smooch before a gig.

Panam x Male! V

-Panam is allergic to pollen, but due to being in the badlands, she never knew until V brought her organic flowers. She sneezed for a week straight before realizing.

-V and Panam like racing, but V is terrible at driving. He once accidentally crashed her car into a pile of cacti.

-V and Saul sometimes have family dinner together, and Saul asks really personal questions about the relationship every time. (Example: ‘sooo…have you two screwed yet?’)

-when V can’t sleep, Panam takes him out to look at the stars. The first time she did, he cried, since he’d never seen them before due to the city lights.

….”if we don’t fix this chip thing, V, I’ll be looking up at those. You’ll be the prettiest star out there.”

Judy x Fem! V

-Judy loves telling V about her ocean and fish hyperfixation. Sometimes, she wishes she could afford to go to a real aquarium. V swears if she gets the money, she’ll take her on a date there.

-Judy and V have made braindances before, all to be kept in Judy’s “private folder.”

-V doesn’t understand why Judy is so emotional sometimes, but she’ll awkwardly hug her or kiss her when she starts crying.

-Judy’s favorite movie to watch with V is Ponyo. Judy knows the song by heart and sings it during the credits.

River x Fem! V

-Both River and V really want the other to quit their jobs, so sometimes they jokingly leave resignation papers on each other’s desks. V doesn’t really have a ‘boss,’ so River just leaves a sticky note that says “quit.”

-River really likes iguanas, so when V hatched hers, he cuddled with it more than her for a week straight. V had to deal with it being in between them in bed.

-Joss and V talk a lot, to the point where V will show up at his house just to completely ignore him and talk to his sister. River just ends up standing behind them awkwardly.

-River does the ‘broke boyfriend stance’ every time they’re in a store. Johnny makes fun of him for it.

-River and V are really cuddly, to the point River can’t fall asleep correctly without her beside them.

Bonus!!!! Johnny x GN! V

-Johnny has tried to convince V to kiss the mirror to see if it feels like an actual kiss. (It doesn’t.)

-V has a habit of telling Johnny ‘I love you’ out loud. They said it in front of Hanako right before the relic malfunction, and Hanako looked at them and said

“Uhm…thank…you…?”

-V eventually figures out how to get Johnny a new body and repair the chip. (In my heart I’m delusional.) Once they did, they didn’t let go of each other for weeks. They had the worst honeymoon phase.

-Johnny excessively jokes about soul killer. V does not find it amusing.

Bonus Bonus!!!! Takemura x GN! V

-Takemura cooks most of their meals after V revealed they mainly eat frozen tv dinners instead of real food. He’s Also really insistent that they drink water and shower.

-Takemura once brutally cried after seeing the full effects of the Relic Malfunctions, comparing it to when his Arasaka implants got revoked.

-Takemura didn’t know how to hug someone, so he accidentally nearly choked V.

-he also didn’t know how to kiss, so he just…opened his mouth.

-Takemura doesn’t understand sarcasm, so he takes whatever V says to its fullest meaning.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

You know how usually in abuse cycles there is the love bombing/honeymoon phase? Do you think Nightmare ever got Killer a pet during one of those? He shows up with a kitten and Killer's immediate thought is that that kitten is gonna die soon and maybe it'd be better to put it out of its misery himself instead of letting Nightmare get to it. (He won't be able to. Especially if he already knows Color, he'd probably just try to hand the kitten to him. Otherwise, he'd probably try to hide it).

Actually, do you think that, if Nightmare pulled something like that, he also promised he wouldn't do anything to the kitten this time? Promise he's changed? That he doesn't want to hurt Killer anymore? Do you think that, despite knowing they're all lies, Killer would try to convince himself that he means it this time?

Why are yall killing me with these asks man yall got a bitch moving like this (/pos)

I think Killer is more likely to fall for this in Stage 1, i think. My guy is desperate for any sense of safety or care 🙏. And the kitties make him happy and he just wants to feel okay, okay. Although it will not be easy at all—he is still as distrusting and paranoid as the other Stages. Just a lot more openly.

Stage 2..I can see him detaching so far from this situation even if it’s not obvious. He might play along to appease Nightmare, he’d play with and take care of the kitty, but he’ll remain so far removed.

Waiting for the inevitable—because it won’t change. Perhaps he will have the sense he’s being tested and watched, and may try to play the role he thinks he’s being assigned—but may try to maintain some control by refusing to allow vulnerability. He may think things like, ‘if it dies, it doesn’t matter. Nothing does. It was inevitable—what they want always is.’

He may even be able to convince himself he won’t be affected when the shoe inevitably drops and Nightmare stops playing the game and the kitten dies brutally. Especially if he has experienced similar situations with either Chara before, and/or because it’s things he and Chara used to do to play with Something New’s Underground victims.

To be honest, Killer probably always has a sense that he’s being tested when people in power do kind things for or to him. It’s just that if Stage 2 can’t find a way to manipulate the situation, he’ll take back control by refusing to care if it’s a test or not—he will go through the motions, allow them to do whatever. Which denies them the satisfaction.

He may even attempt to poke at, prod, provoke and test the limits of the supposed kindness even. Just to see if he can see where the lines are, or put an early stop to the game. (Although, if the kitten’s life and safety is on the line, he’d probably resort to the apathetic approach rather than risk it.)

{ @stellocchia }

[magixta-blabs]

Alright, so here’s the thing. I don’t know why, but there’s always this low-level ache for something more. Some kind of constant, simmering itch for companionship, for a person who just gets it. Part of me’s convinced that maybe if I had someone like that, a true partner in the proverbial ride-or-die sense, it’d somehow smooth out all the rough edges. Bring a little more balance to the chaos. I know better than to think someone else could actually fix my issues. I’m not delusional. Life’s a grind, and ultimately, I know it’s on me to get my own head on straight. Still—doesn’t make the longing any less real. Who wouldn’t want their own slice of that storybook “happily ever after,” right?

But when it comes down to it, every time I get close to someone, whether it’s a friend or something more, I end up back at the same conclusion: maybe I’m just not ready for this. And the kicker? I honestly don’t know if that’s ever gonna change. Relationships are a complete freefall into unknown territory. You’re handing someone access to all your weak spots and hoping they won’t use them like a weapon. It’s a hell of a gamble, and I’m not gonna pretend it doesn’t terrify me.

The honeymoon phase? Yeah, I get why people are addicted to it. Everything’s fresh, it’s simple, it’s thrilling. And yeah, I enjoy that, maybe too much. But eventually, that phase wears off, and then reality sets in. That’s when the inner alarm bells start screaming, and I’m left wondering if this is just a long con setting me up for a brutal crash landing.

The closer I get, the louder those survival instincts get. Rejection, abandonment—all the defensive mechanisms I thought I had a handle on start showing up, uninvited. I’m practically programmed to bail at the first sign of something going south. Like maybe if I’m the one who pulls the plug first, I can get out unscathed. Which I know is just avoidance at its finest, and yet it’s exactly what I’m afraid I’ll end up doing, even though it’s the last thing I want to do.

It’s the easy way out, and I know it. Ghosting instead of talking things out. But there’s something in me that still thinks it’s safer to self-destruct than let someone else call the shots. Classic self-sabotage routine, played out on repeat. It’s predictable. I see the pattern every time, and every time I still manage to make the same mistakes. And I hate that it usually hits me after the fact, when it’s too late to fix.

There’s also this running commentary in my head, always reminding me that I might not be enough. That eventually, they’ll see right through me, realize I’m not the person they actually need. And when they do, they’ll leave. So maybe it’s easier if I just step away first, keep what little dignity I’ve got left intact, instead of waiting around for them to make that call. Being left alone scares the hell out of me. But so does the idea of being the one who lets someone else down.

I know I come on strong—probably a little too strong. All the charm and confidence, yeah, that’s real. I don’t half-ass that. When I fall for someone, I’m in, no reservations, and that comes with a healthy dose of idealizing the people I care about. I put them up on pedestals that scrape the stratosphere. But then, every time, my own fear of abandonment is right there, reminding me of the inevitable crash. It’s like a storm cloud I can’t shake. I can talk the talk all day, but when it’s time to actually back it up? That’s when the cracks start to show.

And yeah, it makes me feel like a total asshole.

[clouds-rambles]

The toxicity of our love

This is from this post I made yesterday because I can’t stop thinking about it

I call Venti Barbatos bc I’m cool like that

Pairings; Venti/Barbatos x reader

Warning(s); dysfunctional love, toxic relationship, unhealthy coping mechanism, angst, hurt

Keep reading under the cut!

The years haven’t been nice to either you or Barbatos. The first mortal friends the both of you made ended in their brutal deaths. Not much longer after the fall of Decrabain both you and Barbatos entered a relationship. It felt right at the time, it felt like the honeymoon phase was never ending. It felt like the two of you would constantly be in love because you’re both great people.

But as the years centuries pass something feels off, something feels wrong. As if you’re loving wrong...

You would ask the other archon you’re close to, Morax. But after the death of his lover asking him about how immortals should love each other was triggering to him. Asking Morax about love often lead to hours of him telling you about Guizhong and never answering your questions. So you don’t have any way of telling if your relationship with Barbatos is normal for immortals.

The thing that feels wrong you ask? Well over the years the both of you have become your own people. While having much of your current personality when you were both wisps on the wind, having humanoid forms gave the both of you inspirations for new hobbies and dreams. 

Something you’ve really enjoyed doing over the millennia is painting, while to begin with you weren’t that good now-a-days your paintings fetch pretty mora on the market. Some of your best paintings sit in the homes of the nobels of Mondstat. Despite being a largely forgotten immortal by the people, your art weens it’s way into the memories of the people of Mondstat. 

While you love creating art not once has your life long partner, Barbatos, said anything about your art. Not once has he complimented it, not once has he critiqued it. In fact he pretty much pretends that your art doesn’t exist. Sure, it hurts for your lover to not see your proudest works. 

But it’s okay, it’s fine. Because when you stand atop the table in the Angels Share, or on the cathedrals piazza to play sweet tunes with both your lyre and voice the compliments come rolling in. Barbatos compliments your playing, the way you captivated the audience. How well the dissonance between the lyre and your voice worked. It’s overwhelming when he compliments you. It makes you feel loved, it makes you feel wanted.

Even if its for something that you picked up because of Barbatos, because he wanted someone to play sweet tunes with like the how he hummed along with the bard all those years ago.

It’s apparent that Barbatos doesn’t actually love you, he’s over compensating. He’s picking the one thing that reminded him of that bard, and he’s running with it. You tell yourself you don’t mind it, you don’t mind being compared to someone thats 3000 years dead. You don’t mind. You don’t mind. You DON’T mind! You can’t mind, it’s how it’s always been. Barbatos will drink himself to the closest thing to death otherwise. How would he cope with losing his friend if he suddenly loses his lover? How could he-

You act as though you don’t do the same thing to Barbatos. You act as though you have never complimented him on his lyre playing despite the fact he is a bard by name ‘Venti the bard’ is what he’s known by the people of Mondstat. ‘Venti the bard’ is how he introduces himself to tourists and travellers. So why have you never complimented him on the one thing that he identifies himself with? Barbatos asks himself this question often

Sometimes Barbatos will ask himself this question at the most inappropriate, intimate time. He could be going down on you and yet the question will linger. Is he not enough? Is being a bard not enough? How must he feel good with you?

He knows how, and he hates that he knows how. Barbatos hates being compared to other people, especially when it isn’t that bard. But he lives with it because he believes he loves you, he believes he wants to be loved by you. Whatever sick misunderstood form of love the two of you have.

So he chases the feeling. He loves every time you compliment him for patching you up so delicately after a tough fight, or every time you compliment him for helping people. His brain remembers when the traveller was about and he helped the people of Mondstat write poetry for their loves. The compliments fell off your tongue and boy did he chase that feeling. He’s been doing it since before that week.

Barbatos knows that you only compliment him on these things because they remind you of your first friend. The healer who did everything for her community, the healer who helped those around her, who patched people up after Decrabains military raided the city, even before the revolution was in play. But Barbatos is okay with that. Because if he left? There’s no way you’d be able to process the death of your friend for so long, there’s no way you’d be okay suddenly losing a lover too. There’s no way. He has to stay, he has to stay, he HAS to-

Maybe the two of you don’t see it, maybe you do just to ignore it. But the way the two of you interact with each other is much the same. And anyone can see that it’s not healthy. But whenever someone like Jean or Diluc bring up how unhealthy it is the excuse the both of you use is ‘Well immortals love differently to mortals’

Maybe someone will see the hypocrisy of your words. Maybe nobody will.

And if nobody does? Nothing will change between the two of you   

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #315

“can’t breathe to scream  /  suffocating in this dream  /  long way down”

Who was your first big crush? I would probably say this guy in high school named Sebastian. We sat beside each other in Art, and I definitely liked him a lot. Man, my freshman-sophomore years honestly involved a handful of crushes before Jason popped into the picture and I lost all romantic interest in everyone else. Where was the first place you drove after you got your license? N/A Is it a blue sky outside right now? No. All North Carolina has known for weeks on end now is rain. We've had very rare sunny days, but for the most part, it's just gray and gross. Was your last breakup a bad one? Nah, I'd say it ended maturely and with a mutual understanding of "why." When was the last time you were surprised, in a pleasant way? Hell if I know. Is there an ice-cream flavor that you strongly dislike? Which one? Yeah, like strawberry. What was the last sitcom you watched? No clue. ^ Do you have a favorite character in that sitcom? Why is that character your favorite? N/A What does the last group you joined on Facebook concern? I am 90% sure it was this group I joined that is literally just about cute yet dangerous animals lmao, mostly reptiles and invertebrates. "Misunderstood biteybois and where to befriemd them" or some stupid shit like that. Has there been a spider in your house at any time recently? Not that I've seen, no. Do you like wearing make-up? Not at all. I only like wearing it for pictures and then taking that shit off. ^ If so, how old were you when you first started to wear it? I started consistently wearing it my freshman year of high school. Then some time later I just showed up one day without any, shocked all my friends, and then only wore it when I felt like it. What foods are you craving lately, if any? Nothing, really. What were some of your favorite foods as a child? Chicken nuggets of course, as well as spaghetti, peanut butter sandwiches, just the typical stuff that kids tend to enjoy. When you were younger, did you ever have a friend that your parents hated? No. Have you ever talked in your sleep before? That's very normal for me, especially now that I have nightmares like every goddamn night. What was the last song you heard, that reminded you of someone? Well, not a real someone, but "The Ordinary World" by the Hit House is 110% one of Fetch's soon-to-be themes. What has brought you joy today? Nothing brought me "joy," really. When was the last time you won a prize in a raffle? What was it? I actually recently won an art rafle on deviantART hosted by a truly amazing artist, like I thought I had no chance, and she's going to be drawing Moondust!!!! :'''') What is the next non-essential item that you intend to buy for yourself? I'm still paying the bulk of my tattoo in May. Is there anywhere in your town/city that's rumored to be haunted? Oh, I'm sure. When you were younger, did you ever think that a certain place was haunted? Bitch I still do lmao. What were your school meals like? Did you enjoy them? This really depended on the menu for the day. My school lunches were nowhere near as bad as some people make theirs sound, but most things still weren't great. I think school pizzas are the most notoriously bad. What kind of granola bar did you eat most recently? I had a cashew bar earlier today. Do you have any books on your shelf that you've read multiple times? I never reread books. What did your last post on social media concern? That I personally wrote, something regarding subtle racism still being racism, pretty much. How do you feel about people using graphic images as a scare tactic to promote their beliefs? (i.e.: PETA, abortion…) I have mixed feelings on this. Like sometimes seeing the brutal side of certain things is definitely useful in opening someone's mind to things they don't want to see/think about, but then there's that, too: it can just be so invasive and unexpected, and thus very upsetting and even scarring. I'd say I'm most for the "appropriate" social media route: using censorship that the viewer can decide whether or not to remove. But you obviously can't do that in like, a public protest with a sign, so idk. Which is harder for you: writing creatively or academically? Honestly, both are pretty easy for me. I enjoy writing creatively far more, though. Do you think gender neutral bathrooms are a good idea? I think it's fine to have them as an option. When was the last time you voluntarily went outside of your comfort zone? Just talking about stuff in group therapy recently. Would you ever use a dating site that costs money, like Match.com or eHarmony? Have you known anyone who had good experience with such sites? No, and yes. Do you think it’s fair that people are able to make a reasonable salary and live comfortable lives just by making YouTube videos? Yes? It takes charisma and talent in some area (humor, education, etc.) as well as consistency for it to be a reliable career, and just consider how often you hear about creators burning out. That happens for a reason. Entertainment is a valid job category and should not be seen as an unfair joke. Whether you’re in college or not, do you become fearful about whether or not you’ll find a good job? Story of my life. What is something you can only understand if you've experienced it first hand? Deep heartbreak. Do you think it's a double standard that a woman can hit a man and expect to get away with it, but if a man hits a woman it's assault? Obviously. Abuse knows no gender, and hitting another person is just that. I do, however, believe in self-defense, also regardless of gender. In terms of a wedding, put these things in order from what would be MOST important to be perfect, to LEAST important... Engagement ring, dress, hair, venue, ceremony, food, pictures, decorations, honeymoon. This requires too much thinking, haha... but I do know the quality of my honeymoon would be most important to me, given that that's personal time with my new spouse and not a public celebration. I feel like what goes on behind closed doors is more important and heartfelt than how you act publicly. Do you have a go-to small talk conversation topic? Probably video games or music, idk. Define "small talk." Does anyone owe you money? Do you owe anyone money? (Besides credit cards) Mom does. She just a few days ago had to borrow $100 for rent. If someone was going to buy you any practical gift (anything except a house or car), what would you choose? It'd be dope as fuck if someone could pay for Venus' next terrarium, but that's a big purchase that I'd have a hard time accepting. How many people do you know with the same first name as you? At least one, but her name is spelled differently. What in your opinion is the best love song ever written? I'm not sure, but I can tell you that "When It's Love" by Van Halen has always been high on the list for me. Was your mother married when she had you? No, actually. I thought she was until my most recent bday, I think. It was just part of a conversation. How old was the first person you kissed? He was a few months into 18. The first person you were in a relationship with, do you still care about them? Of course, he's a sweet guy. We don't talk or anything, but that doesn't mean I don't care about him. Has anyone ever sang to you? Yes. So, what if you married the last person you kissed? That'd be pretty rad. What are you listening to at the moment? "Long Way Down" from the The Evil Within soundtrack. It's funny, like I've loved the game for many years, but I'm now in a serious semi-obsession phase after watching another let's play of it. Have you read the The Hunger Games trilogy? I only read the first book. I loved it, but just never continued. What is your boss’ (or school prinicpal’s) name? N/A Who is the person you dislike the most? That I personally know, probably a former best friend, oddly enough. Do you text your parents often? If Mom's not home, it's not unusual for us to text. I don't text my dad much because he's not a fan of texting. Do you watch YouTube videos often? Pretty much always. Do you know anyone with celiac disease? Sara, my aunt, and my cousin. Those are the ones I know of, anyway. Do you currently have any alarms set? No. How many cars can fit in your driveway? Barely even two. If someone else is here, they usually just park where the road meets the sidewalk of the cul-de-sac. Do you have the ashes of a family member or a pet? Of my dog Teddy, yes. Have you ever been involved in a car crash? Yes, as a kid. Do you prefer flash or no flash on a camera? Definitely no flash. It's more natural, and especially with people, it obviously prevents red eye. How often do you use hashtags? Just about never. Have you ever had whiplash before? No. Have you ever given another person or an animal a bath before? Pets, yes. I could never bathe another human. Is there a birdbath in your yard? No. Weirdest place you’ve ever had a cramp? Nowhere weird, I think... How many lamps are in the room you’re in? How many are actually turned on? Technically three, if you count my snake's heat lamp. Right now that's the only light that's on. Are there any activities you enjoy doing, but can only do for a short amount of time before you get bored or tired of them? Yeah, reading comes to mind first. Is there anything coming out soon (books, albums, movies, video games) that you're looking forward to? I'm not up-to-date on this stuff at all, not even video games. What is something someone recommended to you that you disliked/hated? I know Girt's recommended me music I haven't been a fan of. We like the same general stuff, but there are specific sub-genres we differ in opinion about. Can you unwrap a Starburst in your mouth? ... There are people who do this to even know in the first place??? What is the last thing you ate? Popcorn. Who is your favorite person to spend time with? Sara. Do you know how to grill a steak? I don't know how to cook, period. Do you have a large dog? We don't have a dog currently, but Mom is looking for one pretty intently. We don't know the size it'll end up being. Do you like walking places? Absolutely not. I can't walk far at all without my legs starting to scream at me because leading such a sedentary lifestyle led to muscle atrophy in my legs. It's incredibly embarrassing. Are you a fan of bands most people don’t know of? That's not uncommon for me. Have you ever sent an X-Rated picture to someone? No. Do you think your voice is higher or lower than average? It's deeper than the average woman's. Do you have a pool? No, but I really, really want one... Given how easily I sweat, I would love to use swimming to strengthen my legs. I could also stop the very moment I feel I need to; it in general sounds like something I could quite easily do. How many times have you been on a plane? Ummm including the trips going back, at least six times. Favorite ice cream flavor? Oh my gooooood, if you haven't tried Ben & Jerry's "phish food"... fucking try that shit. It is innnnnncredible. Do you have a TikTok? Nope. Do you enjoy driving? Fuck no I don't. Your favorite store as a teen? Hot Topic was and still is my fave, ha. Favorite YouTuber? There's this one called Markiplier that I think's pretty cool. How many online accounts do you have? A LOT. My whole life is essentially on the computer, so... .-. Do you tend to always be in some sort of drama? Quite the opposite. Do you collect quarters from every state? No. When was the last time your living room furniture was rearranged? Not since we moved into this place. When you were little did you like watching Cartoon Network, Disney or Nickelodeon more? Disney probably topped Nickelodeon. I didn't watch much CN. Who was the last person to kiss you on the cheek? Either my niece or nephew when saying bye. Have you ever seen a magic show? Yes, as a kid. I even had a magician for my bday once. When was the last time you vomited and why? It's been a year or so. It would've been a side effect of starting a certain med that I didn't stay on because it so consistently made me sick. Where do you usually sit when you eat dinner? Either in my bed (I know) or at the dinner table if Nicole is here to eat with us. What time do you usually go to sleep at night? It's typically around 7:30-8:30, occasionally a bit later. I can't believe as a teen, it was my "rule" that I couldn't go to sleep before 10:30 because it was "too early." Nowadays, I can barely imagine regularly staying up that late. Do you avoid using public restrooms? As best as I can. I've seen some nasty shit. What’s your favorite type of cookie? Chocolate chip. How basic.

[damagedsmile]

💖 be brutally honest

SEND A 💖 AND I’LL TELL YOU WHAT A RELATIONSHIP WOULD BE LIKE WITH MY CHARACTER:

HOW LIKELY THEY ARE TO ENTER A RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM:

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

WOULD THEY…

MAKE THE FIRST MOVE?

Yes | No

SAY “I LOVE YOU” FIRST?

Yes | No

CHEAT ON THEM?

Yes | No

BE THE JEALOUS TYPE?

Yes | No

PLAN THE DATES?

Yes | No

INITIATE THE FIRST KISS?

Yes | No

REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?

Yes | No

BOLD WHAT APPLIES:

THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS:

friends to lovers | rivals to lovers | enemies to lovers | still just enemies | mutual pining | star crossed lovers | old married couple | perpetual honeymoon phase | stable and boring | stable but not boring | secret lovers (at least in arkham) | best friends hiding their feelings | and they were roommates | friends with benefits | coworkers avoiding HR | one-sided affection | weird sexual tension | it’s complicated | toxic relationship | a secret affair | an actual dumpster fire | other

PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION:

hand holding | kiss on the hand | kiss on the cheek | kiss on the forehead | kiss on the lips | cuddling | hugging | affectionate messages or comments | pet names | pictures together | no displays of affection

PRIVATE DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION:

hand holding | kiss on the hand | kiss on the cheek | kiss on the forehead | kiss on the lips | cuddling | hugging | affectionate messages or comments | pet names | pictures together | no displays of affection

DO THEY STAY TOGETHER?

yes, this is endgame | yes but someone is gonna die tragically | something is keeping them apart | they part ways as friends | they part ways as enemies | they’re on-again-off-again | they have a super messy breakup (before getting back together) | it was just a fling | other

BONUS

WHAT TERRIBLE PET NAMES WOULD THEY GIVE EACH OTHER?

J would/does call her “Harls”, “babygirl”, “Harley-kins”, “the ol’ ball an’ chain”, “my ol’ lady”, “dollface”, “sweetcheeks”, “lady luck”, “honeypie”... & probably more that I’m missing in my brain rn. He’d accept any pet name from Harley but especially loves it if she calls him “daddy” or simply “Mistah J” in public

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

Arnav & Lavanya - An Imbalanced Relationship

This post is influenced and dedicated to @acroakingbird​‘s post to me about Arnav & Lavanya. 

Let’s answer a few questions first. Warning: this is a LOOONG post!

Did Arnav and Lavanya have a great relationship?

No. I thought carefully about this and as you have highlighted - it was not a healthy relationship. There was a severe power imbalance in the relationship (even if Lavanya was well off and her own person), Arnav was dominant in ways that often influenced Lavanya to do things that inconvenienced her but she was alright with it because she knew it would keep Arnav happy. 

In the beginning, of course there is a great chemistry between him and Lavanya. You get a sense that their relationship blossomed from friendship as she’s well aware of his tastes and he gives her soft, small smiles that he doesn’t give anyone else. 

And he even finds it easy to shift his growing attraction to Khushi to Lavanya (such as when Lavanya plays with his tie post the red saree incident, he almost holds a similar amount of intensity while staring at Lavanya that clearly says everything, or when Arnav checks out Lavanya in her white saree and is appreciative of what he sees - but is left speechless on seeing Khushi in a saree because he had not expected to feel what he does). 

Arnav indulges Lavanya, is protective of her when his family goes crazy to traditionalize her, and is respectful of her privacy. Yet the easy, friendly banter of theirs quickly disappears the more serious their relationship gets. In short, the cracks become visible. 

One scene about Lavanya that has always baffled me is how quick Lavanya is to jump into the boat of getting married to ASR when Khushi scares her about the idea that a live-in relationship does not provide permanence. Khushi is so childish and the imagination is laughable.

However Khushi, unintentionally, taps Lavanya’s fear of ASR leaving her. I think Lavanya already thought long about ASR’s stand on marriage with her and it’s not really Nani’s words or Khushi’s ideas that frightens her. She knows ASR and is puzzled that them living in the same house seems to be driving them away instead of bringing them closer. 

In her massive argument with ASR (when she’s dressed as a bride), the questions she asks ASR on whether he loves her, her refusal to search for his feelings through his vague actions - all reflect a deeper conflict she’s been facing for months together. Khushi kind of pushes Lavanya to a conclusion she didn’t want to arrive. 

Arnav and Lavanya though, don’t have the best relationship. Arnav always get his say, is rude and hurtful to Lavanya. They seem to get close when he wants to. There’s nothing jarringly wrong about their relationship - but the issues are visible long before Khushi even settles into Arnav’s mind. Lavanya is quick to appease him and fears his anger. She apologizes when it’s not necessary and is a ‘yes man’ to him. 

Arnav’s best attitude towards Lavanya emerges when he is honest about his feelings for her. The change is immediate. He’s softer, kinder, considerate and immensely protective. I think he thought they would ideal together given she shares a similar school of thought, but unfortunately that didn’t work. In these rare moments we see that Arnav and Lavanya shared a deep friendship which Arnav pursued for convenience and Lavanya for love. 

There are an excellent example of two people who should have remained friends. 

Arnav craves control over his emotions - especially in a relationship - and the way he exerted it over Lavanya often bordered on troubling. While Arnav and Khushi almost reveled in the constant push and pull of the power play between them, Lavanya was almost always submissive and suffered from his anger. 

Honestly, if Lavanya was truly happy and content in her relationship she would not keep on seeking constant reassurance. She feels the need to tell him that she sees love in his vaguest gestures (such as gifting a bag, and you wonder if she’s telling that to herself), and later goes into denial when she realizes he’s getting engaged to her for other reasons. 

She does not want to verbalize it till the end but we see Lavanya getting snappier at ASR during their engagement time. We can see it when Lavanya notices that ASR isn’t responding to her thoughts about their honeymoon. When he yells at her for choosing a dress that matches Khushi’s and she yells back. When she’s unsurprised with him taking Khushi’s name.  

I think Lavanya also recognizes the issue their relationship has. More than once she mentions to Khushi that she isn’t like Khushi. That she can’t control, talk back nor stand her own in front of ASR. She realizes her self respect is getting hurt in her process of handling his family and being with ASR, but she does get back with him with his slightest effort. 

This does not sound like a relationship that could last, and I do like the subtle ways this is highlighted - it makes Arnav and Lavanya’s relationship incredibly real without making anyone an outright villain. 

Did Arnav cheat Lavanya? 

You answered this pretty well in your post. 

I feel like Arnav did cheat on Lavanya quite a number of times, emotionally and Diwali time included. Arnav and Lavanya were committed enough to be in a live in relationship and they both had feelings for another (Lavanya more than Arnav and I’m not saying they had the same intensity as between Arnav and Khushi.) At no point during that time was it okay for him to be attracted and have feelings for Khushi or lead on Lavanya because he didn’t want to deal with them. Frankly, it was disrespectful and cruel.  

So as you’ve wonderfully laid out, even an emotional affair is considered cheating. But here comes another question -

Can you control attraction? 

No. Unfortunately, no. 

Did Arnav & Khushi have an emotional affair?

Yes and no. I don’t think they realized how integral they were to the other emotionally or that how emotionally dependent they were on each other. They never spoke about Lavanya, their emotions or their engagements. 

Each time they were upset or that they questioned each other, it was solely based on hints and on their own experience with the other person. 

Khushi has no idea how much Arnav needed someone to talk to when he misses his mother. But she stays with him because his sadness hurts her, and he asks her to stay because she is the only one who can connect with the emptiness he feels. 

Arnav has no idea how much Khushi needs a pillar of support and a confidante, when her father is paralyzed. How much she needs a shoulder where she can be a frightened child and not a responsible adult. He is unable to hug her when Khushi finally vents her emotions to the only person who can be brutally honest with her. She later runs away, again, confused at why she chose to hug him. 

It’s the fact that they always just don’t know. If you carefully see, up until Akash and Payal’s wedding (and then up until their hug at the warehouse when Arnav’s kidnapped), either Khushi, Arnav, or both are confused as to why they are drawn to each other. It’s their awareness but lack of understanding that makes this question difficult to answer.

It’s what makes them better human beings but terrible decision makers.

Should he have been honest with Lavanya? 

Yes, but on what basis. 

How do I say, he isn’t one to end a perfectly convenient relationship because he is physically attracted and emotionally enamored by a woman who is the exact opposite from him. His feelings, emotions - that he refuses to acknowledge - exist in his hidden thoughts (a lot of time it’s when he’s in his bed). Khushi is almost... a fantasy. 

And Arnav is not one to break a secure, safe relationship for a flight of imagination/fantasy. It’s not even a comfortable fantasy. He’s almost always bothered, irritated or confused by it. He only begins smiling while thinking about her during Akash and Payal’s wedding. 

Did Arnav realize he was cheating Lavanya? 

No, not until the day he takes Khushi’s name instead of Lavanya’s while trying to apologize to Lavanya. I know, it sounds like a stretch to the extent his denial ran - but that’s what denial is. 

Arnav is a man of action, not words. His morality is also ambiguous - and he isn’t shy about that. The little he speaks, it’s carefully measured and thought out. He is someone who blatantly ignores the existence of emotions. Arnav knew he was physically attracted to Khushi. But -

- could he start a relationship with Khushi? 

No, it took forever for Arnav to realize that he could actually live a life with Khushi. For a long time I think he believed that Khushi was a passing phase. Khushi was almost always fainted or asleep when he pushed away a strand of hair, held her cheek - unveiling his deepest darkest desire. 

Yet, as far living together and reality was concerned, he pretty much believed that Lavanya would be ideal. A relationship with Khushi was impractical. He recognizes lust alright, but also does not expect more from it. Unlike Khushi who begins to dream of their married life once she gets a serious hint on what is her feelings for Arnav,  Arnav never dreams of a future with Khushi. 

He begins to grow emotionally more attached to Khushi once he learns about the death of her parents and realizes that she is an inherently strong, independent and a good human being. There’s no facade to her goodness. It’s when he actively begins to seek her when he realizes they’re more similar. He begins to see her as his equal. Here, I think, it becomes grey. I don’t think he realizes the end result of his growing emotional and physical connection to Khushi. 

The Diwali is a shocker to him. He sees it as a moment he succumbed to the fantasies he had had about Khushi and hence, almost turned out to be like his father. 

Arnav getting shocked, angry, numb and scared when his family plans his wedding with Lavanya is the beginning of a wake up process where Arnav is forced to understand the consequences of the commitment he promised to Lavanya. 

The episodes following the Diwali - he’s technically horrid to Khushi and Lavanya. He’s stringing both of them and he does not realize that until Lavanya literally reminds him. His and Lavanya’s relationship was also a way for Arnav to prove himself to his overbearing grandmother - he couldn’t and wouldn’t break up with Lavanya until he knew, for certain, that he wasn’t in the right place. Which is why he avoided bringing Lavanya over initially, until his ego got involved.

Khushi’s engagement pulls him out of his stupor because he realizes that he could have made it work... perhaps the other man is not who he wants Khushi to be with.

I don’t think he even imagined marrying Khushi until she is engaged to Snakewa. Then he constantly puts himself as a better choice than her fiancé and almost pushes her to acknowledge that he can fulfill all her desires; materialistic, emotional and physical.

Morally, this is incorrect. He, again, does not realize the consequences of his actions. He is seeking reassurance from Khushi to be able to justify and probably end his and Lavanya’s relationship. 

There’s a difference between awareness and acknowledgement. The day he acknowledges what he feels for Khushi, is the day he immediately breaks up with Lavanya because he understands the depth of what is between him and Khushi, and almost instantly realizes that he has been stringing Lavanya to get a confession out of Khushi. 

It’s the day he stops all his mind games with Khushi. He doesn’t press her further for questions. His only focus is with Lavanya, and he spends the next two days trying to rectify all his mistakes. His breakup with Lavanya is less about his feelings for Khushi and more about his dishonesty. 

Arnav never fails to apologize when he realizes he has truly erred. 

Also, he can never tell anyone what’s the reason for his breakup because he still has no idea if he and Khushi can actually ever be together. In his eyes he knows Khushi is marrying someone else. And Arnav would very well wallow in his own anguish and not be with another because he knew he wouldn’t be honest. 

Arnav has no idea that Khushi reciprocates his feelings completely and refused to get engaged in the beginning because of what she feels for him. He only has a hint but stops pursuing that once he sees how he has hurt Lavanya in that process.

He realizes he has always put Khushi before Lavanya and might continue to do so for the rest of his life. 

In short, in episode 142 he realizes he has been dishonest with Lavanya because he comes to a complete realization of his feelings for Khushi. Until then, naively, Arnav & Khushi feel that their engagement to other people would put a full stop to their emotions as they both firmly believe in the institution of marriage. Instead, it does the opposite. Khushi grows increasingly uncomfortable with her fiancé and Arnav grows immensely detached. 

Yes, his actions and decisions are more questionable than Khushi’s and it could be called cheating (especially during this phase) but I think it’s more dishonesty because Khushi is never an active participant. It takes two to tango and Arnav really isn’t thinking at this point - if they accidentally kissed or hugged or even confided in each other, he would’ve immediately broken up with Lavanya, which he does in episode 142. 

He realizes that the attraction has grown into something permanent and serious, irrespective of the fact that he and Khushi can’t be together. He can’t and won’t give a name to the attraction because he does not want to be like his father. It’s more of Arnav realizing he has been dishonest to Lavanya. It’s the realization that he will put Khushi before anyone else. 

Had he continued his pursuit of Khushi and faked happiness and commitment to Lavanya post this realization, it would have been easier for me to judge him more harshly. 

Also, the audience, as in us, are the only people who are seeing that Arnav and Khushi think about, care and love each other in equal measure. Arnav and Khushi almost always believe they are impossible apart from a few hints. They are always in the dark about the other person. 

Arnav and Khushi realize, openly flirt and admit their feelings to each other, unfortunately, on the day of their forced marriage. It’s the first time they have a smiling Rabba Ve with each other without any confusion/questions - they both know they’re in love (it’s the morning when Arnav notices her cooking for the relatives, sees that she can sense his presence, and she chooses the saree he recommends). 

[hidelaney]

Hi Delaney,

I just listened to your new playlist entirely. It’s honestly a romance novel in a nutshell. The whole story line just wrote itself.

Something Great - Open the scene with the protagonist experiencing unrequited love.

Through the Dark - From the love interest’s POV, the love isn’t as unrequited as previously thought.

Why Don’t We Go There - Protagonist gets a really nice surprise from his love interest.

Does He Know? - Obligatory best friend vs almost boyfriend chapter.

Happily - They starts dating. Some people don’t like this development. Think campy ‘Romeo & Juliet’ which, come to think of it, that might be how Shakespeare intended. Less tragic obviously.

Strong - The defiant public display of affection. Because no one can break them apart.

Just a Little Bit of Your Heart - Never mind. The love interest was seen being cozy with someone else. Protagonist is heartbroken.

Fireproof - Love interest’s POV again. Basically establishes that the protagonist is an unreliable narrator.

Where Do Broken Hearts Go? - Protagonist is now groveling after wrongly accusing the love interest of cheating on him.

Ready to Run - The love interest turns out to be very understanding. It was his manipulative guardian who wanted to shove him into the closet and created the illusion that caused the misunderstanding after all. They’re a gay couple, btw. In case that wasn’t clear before,

Stockholm Syndrome - They basically run away together. Kind of? The protagonist didn’t get much advanced warning. It was all very impulsive on the love interest’s part.

No Control - The honeymoon phase. The protagonist is whipped. Not literally. Or maybe?

Olivia - They come back to face the music in real life. It’s kind of difficult. But protagonist is holding on.

Love You Goodbye - Love interest’s POV. We, readers, now realized the love interest is an equally unreliable narrator.

Two Ghosts - Protagonist is blindsided by their breakup. It’s a very confusing time for him.

Perfect - OPERATION: INTERVENTION by their very best friends. Mutually beneficial, because said best friends end up dating right after. Bam! Side story!

Sweet Creature - The sweetest lovemaking ever. The dirty talk (Question: Is it dirty talk when it’s all very sweet and nostalgic?) is a bunch of throw back to the time when they were just roommates. I forgot to mention that at the beginning.

Home - Love interest’s POV. Basically a love letter to protagonist.

If I Could Fly - Circumstances force them to do a long distance relationship. Maximum pining.

Just Hold On - They mutually decide to take a break from their relationship. Both thinking they’re giving the other an easy way out. The lack of honest and meaningful communication is real.

Someday - Each of their attempts to move on from each other is such a spectacular failure. A chapter of comedic goldmine.

Two of Us - Oh, no. Love interest just lost one of the most important people in his life. He retreats from social life to grieve alone. Agonizing angst here.

Ever Since New York - More heartbreak. Protagonist receives a seriously bad news from home. He suddenly understands why the love interest disappear from everyone and everything. Losing a family member hurts like hell.

Don’t Let It Break Your Heart - Love interest reaches out to offer condolences and helping hands at the funeral. Because, of course, protagonist did the same for him before.

Alfie’s Song (Not So Typical Love Song) - They seem to be tentatively getting back together.

Back to You - But they fight a lot. Love interest is very insecure, thinking protagonist only sees him as a temporary familiar comfort. The silent treatment is loud.

Meet Me in the Hallway - They break up again. If you could call it that. They weren’t really back together, were they?

Miss You - Love interest’s POV. The song basically said it all. He’s not okay. Nothing is fine. But he’s doing his best to pretend it is.

From the Dining Table - Protagonist is also not fine. At all.

Always You - It has taken quite a while but the love interest finally decides to reach out again.

To Be So Lonely - Protagonist is not having it this time.

Too Young - It’s the love interest’s turn to grovel. With incredibly sincere apology.

Lights Up - Protagonist is wavering. But still not convinced.

CHANGES - Love interest grovels some more.

Sunflower, Vol. 6 - Protagonist is this close to giving in. But he’s afraid of getting his heart broken again. Love interest has never once said the most important four-letter word again after all.

Defenseless - Love interest’s POV. Anxiety-filled chapter. It’s incredibly difficult but he still shows his hands, feeling half hopeful and half terrified. Basically saying to protagonist ‘I love you’ and ‘Please love me back’

Fine Line - Protagonist finally gives in. Makeup sex ensues. They’re both crying messes at this point.

Only the Brave - Love interest is planning to come out to his distance relatives and work colleagues. But he’s scared because of how badly his once-guardian had reacted.

Treat People With Kindness - Protagonist is very supportive every step of the way.

Fearless - Another anxiety-filled chapter. Love interest has a Confrontation with his once-guardian. But he can see right through all the manipulation tactics this time.

Adore You - Protagonist finds out about the Confrontation. He can understand the love interest’s great fear of coming out now.

We Made It - They celebrates getting back together with a group of their closest friends. But love interest’s once-guardian manages to weasel his way into manipulating the protagonist. By implying that the love interest had lied about coming out to everyone else other than their closest friends.

Falling - It’s their worst fight yet. They don’t sleep in the same bed for the first time since getting back together. Their friends meet up to plan another INTERVENTION.

Walls - They had the first of many very meaningful and brutally honest conversations. The intervention from their friends is thankfully not needed.

Golden - Protagonist finds out exactly how insecure the love interest actually is. Many Actions of Reassurance commence with the help of all their good friends and families.

Habit - Love interest is finally comfortable with their public displays of affection again. Still somewhat insecure. But protagonist is getting very good at dissuading him from that particular notion.

Canyon Moon - Circumstances require another period of long distance relationship. But they have actual honest-to-god good communication now so it’s alright! Happy Ending for now. Yayyyyyyy!!!!!! Roll credits.

Huh. So when I said roll credits, I looked through the songs to see who were the songwriters. I’m not sure why it didn’t cross my mind before. But you intentionally chose only the songs either Louis Tomlinson or Harry Styles co-wrote, didn’t you? Damn it. You’ve already planned this whole thing. Now I feel dumb typing all that out. Ughhhhhhhh.

Still love you. But god I hate you sometimes. And I thought I was so clever. Ughhhhhhhh!

DO NOT reply with “No! Jimmy protested.”

I hate you so much right now.

Yours truly,

Sasha

[pcrcdise]

╰ ♡  MUSE 75, TOM HOLLAND, CISMALE ┊ have you seen TROY SINCLAIR around hillston? the 21 year old is said to be a COLLEGE SENIOR. the neighbours would say that they’re ENTITLED and RUTHLESS, but they’re actually SOCIABLE and NONCHALANT. HE often reminds people of quickies in club bathrooms, entirety of his closet filled with designer brands, gym locker rooms. watch out, though. you wouldn’t believe that HE’S A SERIAL DATER AND PUTS HIS SELF WORTH ON THE ATTENTION HE GETS. ( candy, 24, aedt, she/her )

hey  howdy  hey  !  i’m  candy  and  this  is  troy  .  don’t  come  for  me  bc  this  man  is  a  piece  of  shit  (  but  also  pls  love  him  lmao  )  .  find  his  statistics  here  and  a  list  of  wanted  connections  here  or  tag  here  which  i  need  to  update  ,  oop  . 

full name : troy shane sinclair nickname(s) : troy boy , tboy birth date : june thirteen zodiac sign : gemini age : twenty-one gender : cismale pronouns : he / him / his sexual orientation : bisexual romantic orientation : biromantic education : high school diploma , currently studying a bachelor of athletic training at university as a senior

𝙰𝙱𝙾𝚄𝚃

from a very young age, troy’s been active, boisterous and restless. he’s always been doing something and putting his all into it. whether that was imaginative play, puzzles, hands on crafts or the majority of the time he was dancing along to kids shows ( that weren’t on for very long ) or playing outside where he spent most of his time. he was a ball of energy, and still is. he also wanted people to watch him, so he could show off what he was doing to them or for them to play with them. he always wanted attention. ( that hasn’t changed ). that only intensified when his siblings came into the world, and even more so when their mother ‘fucked off’ as he likes to say.

in the current day people know troy sinclair as the guy that doesn’t give a shit about anything, that doesn’t let things worry him. what they don’t know is that after their mother left up until kindergarten, he had separation anxiety, specifically for his father and other close family members. he most definitely clung to dad in those years, fearing he was going to leave too but luckily, for everyone’s sake, he managed to grow out of this when he realised his siblings needed him.

this boy is the epitome of a spoiled, entitled, rich, fuckboy. he only wears designer clothes and dresses to impress, is always wearing expensive watches, drives cars you can only dream of owning, works out/goes for a run every day, parties hard and fucks harder and is renowned for breaking hearts ( he is a gemini, what do you expect? lmao ). he is a good guy he’s just... questionable.

troy thrives on fun and adventure and every weekend is a chance to travel, party or cause chaos. he would very much prefer to be off traveling, exploring, putting his curiosity to good use by discovering new things or partying than sitting at home being lazy. even before turning twenty-one, clubs are one of his playing fields/stomping grounds as well as frat parties and regular bars. 

that’s not to say he’s not a classy mofo either, mates. catch him sporting suit and tie at brunches and galas talking the talk and sipping on expensive wine with his kind. 

troy exudes confidence and luxury. although he may think that the world revolves around him at times and believes he deserves special treatment because of his family’s reputation and wealth, but he will literally talk to anyone. like, he can talk that’s for sure and is one of those people that comes across as being “friends” with everyone. he is sociable and civil ( in his own way ). you may be of lower class and he will still talk to you. 

it’s very hard for troy to stress out or to get upset. school work is getting hard? oh well. i just broke up with my partner? meh. dad’s got another partner? what else is new? you want a fight? bring it on. he is very much a believer in things are meant to happen for a reason and doesn’t tend to take life too seriously ( except for when it comes to prized possessions and even then he can go out and buy some more ). he does get offended though, let’s make that clear. with that being said though, when opportunity arises or he finds something that he wants he will take it and won’t stop until he gets what he wants.

when he is hurt, however, he will bottle it and not say a single word. for someone who’s brutally honest and isn’t shy to give his opinion, troy is very closed off and tends to keep people at a distance or lie to them about his feelings when he’s down.

family is everything to troy! he loves them unconditionally ( even if they annoy the fuck out of him sometimes ) and they are the only people he would lay down his life for. everyone else? nah. he isn’t overly protective over his siblings because he knows they can take of themselves, but will step in when need be like the good big bro he is. 

𝚂𝙴𝙲𝚁𝙴𝚃

troy doesn’t like to be single, can’t be single. not really anyway. there are underlying commitment or abandonment issues when it comes to relationships that are more than likely the root of the problem. along with the fact mama left and papa has had countless partners over the years.

troy doesn’t need to be the centre of attention as he already knows he’s the best, but he expects attention. he works hard on his physique and appearance, putting his self-worth on the constant attention he receives. negative attention isn’t ideal, though he knows that only the best have their haters. being in a relationship is a validation to him that he is worth it, that his looks and who he is is worthy. it’s not healthy, and i think he knows it.

being single for too long gives him doubt, sends him down a downhill spiral of harsh criticism and he feels as though he is nothing without someone, that someone not wanting him is the end of the world in a dramatic sense. 

not only that, but troy actually enjoys the beginning of relationships. the charming smiles, flirting, the chase, going on those first few dates and being showered in compliments ( and giving them, ofc ). he likes getting to know people, likes the process of being strangers to being together, and he enjoys sleeping with new people also. the first touches, the way he can make someone’s heart race and how they can do the same to him. it’s enticing, addicting like drugs. all the way to the honeymoon phase.

he knows it isn’t love, not matter what his lover at the time says. he has never said it, and probably never will because he doesn’t believe in romantic love ( we’ll see ). troy is deep down in love with the idea of love, and it’s sad.

the boy’s relationships tend to last a couple of months at the very most. when that honeymoon phase starts to wear off, when he’s had the sex he needs and feels as though that partner is not doing anything for him anymore… he’s out. any work that needs to be put into a relationship to make it work or when a solid, deep and emotional connection is meant to start forming, he’s done. with that being said, he has never cheated on his spouse! ever! he always leaves first before hoping in the sack with someone else!

break ups are not easy for most people, but for troy it’s nothing. it’s as easy as getting dressed in the morning, like breaking a toothpick. douchebag i know, don’t come for me.

[killerqueenmachine]

Yoü and I - Roger Taylor x Reader

Pairing: Roger Taylor (Late 1970's) x Reader Words: 4927 (including song lyrics)

Prompt: Lady Gaga's song "Yoü and I"

Summary:  There's something about the chase - six whole years. After a brutal heartbreak six years ago you're finally eye to eye with your long lost love. Something about just knowing when it's right - I'd rather die, without you and I.

Warnings: Slightly angsty beginning, smoking, alcohol, fluff, a bunch of swearing, SMUT; fem!dom (blink and you'll miss it), fingering, unprotected sex, breeding kink, choking. Almost on the edge of being sappy.. Wow.   Note: The lyrics for the song is written in italics. I'm imagining this fic is going on in the late late 70's. This was supposed to be short and sweet but… I've never learned to stop and I was born with a very prominent 'too-much' gene. #notevensorryaboutit __________________

It's been a long time since I came around

Been a long time but I'm back in town

And this time I'm not leaving without you

"Have you heard Queen is coming to town?"

You glanced up at your friend, who was standing right in front of you. She knew very well how you felt about Queen. That particular band - or more precisely - the drummer from that particular band had you so whipped you felt like your life had been on standby the past six years. What was meant to be an innocent summer flirt turned into the biggest heartbreak you had ever had - and it was all your fault.

"Queen…" you repeated, voice barely louder than a whisper. Slowly you shifted your eyes back to the newspaper in front of you. Out of the corner of your eye you could see her smirk. She knew exactly what was going on in your mind. You had to see him. You needed him like you needed oxygen and even if he didn't feel the same way anymore, at least you could finally get closure.

When you met Roger six years ago, the two of you instantly hit it off. He was the exact type of guy you had been looking for. Intelligent, talented and slightly crazy. All you wanted was a quick shag and he made it very clear that it would be a one-time deal. None of you managed to keep those promises and your one-night stand turned into a date and then another date and then a vacation together. He didn't have a lot of money, but your family did and even though you wanted that to be a secret, you really wanted a nice get away with him. You flew to Nebraska to stay in your aunt's cottage. She had a wonderful little place in a quiet forest somewhere deep in Nebraska. For a whole week it was just you, Roger and an unhealthy amount of alcohol and cigarettes. And condoms.

Even though the two of you never officially called yourself a couple everyone around you saw you as one. To you he was Nebraska and to him you were New York or NY, occasionally even just 'baby doll'.

The honeymoon phase of your 'relationship' ended once you got back to London and Roger found out that Queen was going on a tour in America. There was no way you could join them - not even Freddie's girlfriend Mary or John's fiancée Veronica got to join them. That quickly became the end of your love story. Forced apart, both broken hearted. Or so you thought. Barely a week after Queen had left the UK all the papers were filled with Roger's promiscuous life and how he had one woman after the other slung across his lap.

"Hello? Are you in there?" Your friend lightly knocked you on the top of your head.

"Uh, yeah.. Sorry just going through some.. Memories" you shrugged.

"Thought so. Do you wanna go see them?... See him?" she asked quietly before handing you another cup of tea.

"I suppose" your voice was cold and hard, which was very unlike you. But you needed to see him.

A few weeks later the day was upon you. Queen was in town and you were mentally preparing to either get your man back or get your heart broken once and for all. You were there early with your friend which luckily resulted in you getting to the very front. Front and on the right. The concert was amazing - of course it was. Those four men were the most talented people you had ever known and seeing all of them again made you so happy. You had forgotten how good they made you feel - just seeing them have fun on stage was enough to knock the air out of you. At one point you got eye contact with Brian who quickly recognized you and flashed a toothy smile in your direction.

As the band prepared to perform their song "'39" all of them - including Roger - moved to the front of the stage. On his way down from the drum rises, Brian grabbed on to his arm and said something in his ear, which made him look in your direction - you could only imagine, that Brian had made him aware of your presence. Finally, his eyes caught yours and you could feel your cheeks redden. His jaw almost dropped, and he seemed to forget where he was and where he was going, which Brian quickly reminded him of.

As soon as the concert ended you saw Roger run off stage and before you even had the opportunity to move away with the crowd, a security-person came and asked you to stay back, "Roger Taylor's order". You bid your friend goodbye, even though she had offered to stay. Whatever was about to happen, needed to be between you and Roger.

You taste like whiskey when you kiss me, oh

I'd give anything again to be your baby doll

This time I'm not leaving without you

Once the whole crowd had faded out, the fence was pushed apart allowing you to enter the stage area. The security person followed you back stage where you saw Brian as the first person. A light gleam of sweat covered his skin and his white button up was opened all the way down. He was the actual definition of eye candy.

"(Y/N).. Wow. It's been so long - nice to see you!" he exclaimed and pulled you in for a sweaty hug. You laughed and wrapped your arms around him, squeezing him tight. If everything with Roger went wrong today, this might be the last chance you had to do this. The hug broke apart, but Brian let his right hand rest on your shoulder as you broke apart.

"Haven't seen you in like.."

"Six years.." you finished his sentence, feeling your heart get heavy again.

He pulled you in for another hug and gently rubbed your upper back.

"Roger is waiting for you. He's in the dressing room with Freddie right now, but he'll come out once he's do-"

Just as Brian was about to tell you, Roger opened the door to the dressing room. He looked like a prince. His hair wasn't as long as it was the last time you had seen him, but he looked so handsome. Once his eyes finally met yours again nothing else mattered. Fireworks went off in your stomach and your knees went weak. He was right there.

"Roger.." his name came out as almost a plea. A soft smile tugged on the corner of his lip as he made his way over to you.

"I missed you so much" he said, barely louder than a whisper as he swept you into a tight hug.

Your feet touched, as did your knees, thighs, hips, stomachs, chests and faces. The hug couldn't be tighter even if you tried and the possibility of the two of you falling over was horrifyingly big, but none of you cared.

You stood in silence for multiple minutes while the world just continued on around you. Roger had one arm wrapped tightly around your waist and the other one around your upper torso with his hand placed on your neck. Both your arms were slung around his neck pulling his head into your neck and you felt his steady breath blow against your collarbone, before he shyly pressed his lips against the skin on your collarbone.

"Nebraska" you whined feeling tears threaten to spill from your eyes.

It wasn't on purpose, that you had used his old nickname but in the heat of this very quiet and intimate moment you almost forgot that you had been apart for six years. You felt him chuckle against your skin and for the first time in a long time your hug broke apart.

"Do you want to go out for a drink maybe?" he asked softly. Something about those six years seemed to have made him softer than you could've ever imagined, but that might just have been because he was just as overwhelmed as you were.

"Could we maybe go to my place for a drink instead? I really just want to be alone with you" you admitted, looking up at him through your eyelashes. He flashed you a smile and nodded, grabbing your hand and pulling you into his chest.

"I'll just make sure that everything is packed up and inform the guys that I'm leaving"

You nodded and ghosted your lips over his, barely touching them yet still getting the faint taste of whisky and cigarettes. He gave your hand a slight squeeze before he let you go and turned around to check up on everything.

You say sit back down where you belong

In the corner of my bar with your high heels on

Sit back down on the couch where we made love the first time

And you said to me

Less than an hour later the two of you walked through the door of your flat. Roger toed off his shoes as you locked the door and turned around to take of your stilettoes.

"Don't" he said and grabbed onto your arm. You put your foot back down and shot him a questioning look.

"I like the way they look on you" he admitted and smirked at you.

You just laughed and shook your head. If all you had to do to keep him happy was to keep your stilettoes on you would do it in a heartbeat. Your hand ran up his back as you walked past him and into your living room that had a small bar up against one of the walls. He swiftly followed you and as you sat down on one of the bar chairs, Roger went behind the bar and pulled up two glasses pouring both of you an old-fashioned whiskey, complete with ice cubes, orange twist and cocktail cherries.

"I still regret it sometimes, you know" he said, taking a fair swig of the liquid.

"Regret it?"

"The tour"

"Nebra- Roger.. You shouldn't" you didn't know what to call him. Every fibre in your body wanted to call him Nebraska. Pretend that the past six years had been a bad dream and that nothing between you had changed. All you wanted to do was to jump his bones and have another of those magical nights that you had shared in the past.

"You can call me Nebraska, you know that baby doll" he smirked, walking around the bar. He placed his free hand on your knee, pushing them apart and standing between them. His hand went from your knee all the way up your thigh before he snaked it around your hip, firmly pulling you close to him.

"I can't help but imagine what would've happened to us, if I hadn't left you. If you could've been there with me." He said, drawing small patterns on your butt with his thumb.

"We would probably be married and at the rate we were going at it, we would probably have a few kids as well" you joked, taking another sip of your whiskey.

"Don't even say that" he hissed through gritted teeth.

"We both know it's true though" you stated once again.

"Don't…" he almost begged. This really seemed to hit a soft spot in him.

"I.. I know. But look how everything worked out for you even-" He slammed his drink on the top of the bar and firmly cupped your face before crashing his lips onto yours. His fast movements took you by surprise but a quick second later you closed your eyes and melted into his touch, kissing him back with the same intensity.

He gently bit your lower lip as the kiss broke and once you opened your eyes again, a slight chuckle left your now swollen lips.

"You got a bit of my lipstick on your face there" you laughed, tracing your thumb across his red tinted bottom lip.

You downed the rest of your whiskey and just as you swallowed, Roger took your now empty glass and placed it on the table before lifting you off your chair. Instinctively you wrapped your legs arounds his waist and your arms around his neck. Both his hands rested on your ass as he walked across the floor and threw you onto your old brown leather couch.

Something about this place,

Something 'bout lonely nights

And my lipstick on your face

Something, something about my cool Nebraska guy

Yeah, there's something about, baby, you and I

You were laying on the couch while Roger stood by your side with his gaze locked on you. His blue eyes had darkened, as had the whole feel of the room. Pure passion and need seemed to beam out of his eyes. He towered over you, while slowly unbuttoning his shirt. You finally kicked off your shoes and once Roger had finally rid himself of his shirt, you reached out your arm and made a slow 'come-hither' movement at him.

"I've.. Missed this" he softly spoke. His voice was way softer than you had imagined it would be at this point.

He sat down on the edge of the couch and you scooted over and sat up to make space for him. He slid back and rested his back against the back of the couch, and you moved back over to learn your head on his shoulder.

"You know.. I missed you too. But all those stories made it seem like you had gotten well over me" You said, pressing a soft kiss to his shoulder leaving yet another soft mark of your lipstick on his skin.

"Stories?"

"Uh.. Yeah. You were kinda all over the newspapers with all your uh.. Promiscuous adventures.. As soon as you had left to go to America" you sighed, reliving the utter heartbreak you had gone through, seeing all those pictures back then.

"I didn't.. Know that those stories made it ov-"

"Oh they did. I saw the pictures"

"Oh.. Listen, I just needed a fast way to get over you and it was so easy to pick up women and I-"

"Don't.. I don't need any excuses anymore. You're here now and that's all that matters."

You quickly rid yourself of your shirt, leaving you in your skirt and bra. While leaving a trail of wet kisses on Rogers bicep and neck your slowly crawled onto his lap, softly grinding against his crotch. The lipstick marks that you had left on his skin, fired you up even more. He was finally marked as yours again. Needy whimpers left his lips as you grinded down on him a little harder.

"You like that baby?" you purred against his ear, still grinding against him. At this very moment he was at your mercy - a thing that rarely happened. He nodded quickly, moving his hands up your thighs to grab onto your hips, steading you against him.

"Mmmh, keep making those pretty little noises for me" you said with a smirk. Your voice was sultry and sensual, which clearly had a strong effect on the blonde man underneath you. You grabbed his chin with your thumb and index finger and tilted his head up, so your eyes met. You had never seen him so needy and flustered before. You ghosted your lips over his before moving your hands down his bare chest and unbuttoned his trousers.

"Don't be a tease" he warned with a fragile voice, tightening his grip on your hips. You flashed him a playful smirk before getting out of his grip and sliding off his lap. He whimpered at the loss of contact, reaching his arms out to pull you back but you managed to back away just enough to be out of his reach.

"Can you take your trousers off for me, baby?" you purred reaching underneath your skirt and pulled of your panties, waving them in front of his face before leaning down and shoving them in the front pocket of his trouser. It didn't take him more than a few seconds to fly up from the soft couch and quickly pull his trousers down, before mindlessly kicking them off.

"Oh, you've started wearing underwear? Since when?" you laughed, softly tracing a fingertip over the black fabric that covered his visible boner.

He shook his head with a light laughter, grabbing your wrists to pull you close to him again.

"I missed this so much. No one has ever made me feel the way you do" he admitted, pressing a soft kiss to your collarbone before reaching his hands around your back and unclasped your bra, pulling it down your shoulders and throwing it away.

You were both a sight for sore eyes. Almost shivering with need and anticipation, you in only your skirt and Roger in only his briefs. You laced your fingers with his, pulling him in for a kiss where neither of you touched each other’s faces. Even though it had been six years since you had seen each other, everything felt natural between you. Like it was meant to be.

"How do I make you feel, baby?" you whispered against his lips. You felt him smirk before you pulled away, gently tugging him along with you, moving to your bedroom. He followed along, silently at first, but once you squeezed his hand, egging him to answer your question, he finally spilled his guts.

"Like… Like home. You make me feel like time is standing still and…" he started as the two of you entered your bedroom. He swiftly pulled you close to him again, slamming your chests together.

"You make me feel like life has a purpose and" he sighed softly before continuing.

"I know you've read the stories about me and even though I've been with a lot of women, you're the only one that have had the ability to make me feel loved. Truly loved." he pressed a soft kiss to your nose.

"And truth be told" he said before shaking his head with a smile plastered to his lips.

"I haven't been looking for someone who loved me - or someone I could love. It's always been you and I hoped and prayed that you would be here for me once I finally grew up and realized what I had with you. You always were my baby doll"

You felt the tears prick in your eyes. With every word he said you felt yourself falling harder and harder.

"I still love you, Nebraska. I'll give anything to be your baby doll again" you said with a shaky voice.

"Let me show you just how much I love you, baby doll" his voice was raspy and strained.

Something about the chase

Six whole years

I'm a New York woman born to run you down

Still want my lipstick all over your face

Something, something about

Just knowing when it's right

Before you got the chance to answer him he roughly pushed you onto your bed and you hit it hard making you bounce. He quickly crawled over you and grabbed both your wrists, pinning them above your head using only his left hand to hold them down. You bucked your hips up against his, desperate for his touch.

"Patience, baby" he purred, placing sloppy kisses down your neck, over your collarbone and down between your breasts. His free hand went to cup one of your boobs, gently massaging it before he flicked his tongue over your nipple. The feeling of his wet tongue and warm breath sent shivers down your spine and caused a soft whimper to emerge from your lips.

"You're so beautiful and those noises of yours are heavenly" He almost sounded like he was begging, even though you didn't really know what he was begging for. He was in complete control and could do anything he wanted to at this very moment. He removed his hand from your breast and scooted off you to sit beside you instead, giving him easier access to your core, while still holding your hands pinned to the mattress.

He pushed up your skirt and didn't waste another moment before running his skilled fingers over your throbbing core. You were already so wet for him which he quickly noticed.

"Well now baby, what's going on down here" he smirked, running his fingers up and down your slit.

"Don't tease me" you moaned through your stacked breath.

"I would nev-"

"Yes, you would"

"Yeah I would"

As the last word left his lips he slid a finger into you causing you to loudly gasp and wriggle to get your hands free from his grasp, but it didn't help. His cocky smirk was glued to his face as his finger slid in and out of you, he quickly added another and started picking up his pace, curling his fingers up against your g-spot. Every time his fingers went over that soft spot within you, you moaned softly and bucked your hips, closing your eyes to focus on the feeling that was going on between your legs.

"Plea- I'm so close" you murmured.

He placed a soft kiss to your temple and pressed his thumb against your clit. A loud gasp ripped from your body as your orgasm started to flush through you Your toes and fingers curled, thighs and biceps tensed, and your hips bucked up like mad, making your back curve like never before. Rogers name left your lips like a prayer. A hot, needy prayer.

"Fuck.." Roger moaned, finally letting go of your hands and his hand flew to his crotch. A big wet spot started to show on his underwear. Your body finally relaxed again, yet your breath was out of control.

You tilted your head over to look at Roger and quickly noticed the wet spot on his underwear, which caused you to smile softly at him. The pure post-orgasm bliss ran through your veins as you lifted you hand and ran it over this thigh.

"That hasn't happened to me since I was a bloody teenager" he laughed, clearly a little embarrassed. You smiled in response and batted your eyelashes a few times.

"It's okay Roger… But I'm going to need a round two, so you better get that under control" you teased, pushing yourself up on your elbows to get closer to him.

"It's hard to control yourself when you're lying there making all those pretty noises and.. Mh" he moaned as you ran your hand over his wet underwear.

"Let's get these off you, yeah?" you asked, gently tugging on the elastic band. He softly nodded and laid on his back to pull them off. You followed his lead and finally rid yourself of your skirt as well. Finally, you were naked together. You sat cross-legged on the bed and just looked at Rogers naked form as he was laying there in front of you. He was so beautiful. A light sheen of sweat covered his chest and neck which made him look even more heavenly than he normally did.

You ran your fingers over his collarbones and down his chest, softly pinching his hips.

"I've missed this" you said, feeling like you had repeated those exact words way too many times already. He didn't respond, instead he just softly kissed your hand before sitting up across from you. You leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his lips. A kiss that quickly deepened, signalling that another round of raw pleasure was coming. You broke the kiss and rested your head on his shoulder, wrapping your arms lazily around his waist.

"Ready for round 2?" you giggled into his neck, while drawing tiny circles on his bare skin.

"You bet'cha" he laughed and leaned against you so hard that you fell back on the bed, pulling him on top of you. You looked up at his beautiful hooded blue eyes and fell in love all over again. The light from the room made it look like he had a halo.

He crashed his lips onto yours, needier and more desperate than ever. You spread your legs a little further apart making room for Roger to settle between them. His hardening cock rubbed against your sensitive core, causing you to gasp once again. Roger caught your gasp in his mouth, as he initiated another feverish make-out session.

"Condom?" he asked between the kisses. Every ounce of logic had left your body at this point and for once in your life, you couldn't care less about being safe or responsible.

"Fuck it. I want you to fucking.. Just.. Take me. Raw. I don't fucking care, Roger. Just.." you didn't manage to finish your desperate rambling before you felt him snake his hand down to line his cock up with your entrance and with a buck of his hips he bottomed out in you, causing you to scream out in pleasure. He filled you up perfectly and the quick movement took you completely by surprise - luckily he had made you plenty wet before.

"I'm so sorry, I couldn't help myself" he apologized and placed a soft kiss on your nose, not moving his hips so you could calm down a little after the very abrupt start.

"Don't apologize - fuck me.. I want you to fuck me so fucking good"

He kissed you again and started moving his hips, slowly pulling out before pushing into you again. And again, and again. His pace as so steady, clearly exposing that he was a drummer.

"I. Fucking. Love. You." he moaned with a raspy voice every time he pushed in to you.

You wrapped your arms around his back, scratching some long and severe streaks down his back. You felt your orgasm start to boil up which caused you to quickly move one of your hands down between you and Roger's sweaty bodies to apply pressure to your clit. Rogers thrusts were starting to get sloppier, but knowing that he had already cum once, you knew he would be able to hold it off for a little longer.

"I'm close, Rog" you whispered against his lips before pressing a soft kiss onto them.

"Where do you want me to cum?" he asked, starting to sound a little hoarse.

"In me.. Fuck a baby into me, Rog" Those words made him throw his head back in a desperate whine.

"Don't say that.. We're not even..-"

"We've been waiting for long enough" you almost cried out, so close to your own orgasm that you couldn't even think straight.

Roger moved his hand to your neck and gently choked you before pressing another needy kiss to your swollen lips.

And with that, your orgasm hit you like truck. You arched your back and a noise, that could only be described as a primal scream or growl left your lips. You shut your eyes and your jaw dropped, while every single muscle in your entire body tensed up and stayed that way for longer than you had ever tried before. Your walls clenched around Rogers length which was the last drop he needed to follow your lead into his own orgasm. Robe after robe of thick cum shot into you and the air filled with the sound of Roger's needy and desperate grunts and moans.

A few moments later, everything went quiet and you softly opened your eyes again, to see Roger still above you. His head was hanging down between his arms, that had miraculously managed to keep him from falling on top of you. You moved your hand up to move his hair away from his sweaty forehead before you pressed a kiss onto it.

The softest sigh left his tired body as he finally pulled out of you and fell down on his back right next to you.

It's been a long time since I came around

Been a long time, but I'm back in town

And this time I'm not leaving without you

After laying in complete silence for a few seconds, Roger managed to shove himself off the bed to go fetch something to wipe you off with. There was nothing more disgusting than sleeping in a pit of cum.

Soon enough he shuffled back into your bed and pressed a kiss to your forehead.

"I'll never leave you again, baby. Never" he whispered against your cheek.

You were almost falling asleep but seeing Roger with his after-sex glow made your eyes gain a little extra energy. You pushed him softly, so he would lay down flat on the mattress. Shortly after you pressed a kiss to his temple, cheekbone, jaw and lastly his lips.

"I surely hope not" you lightly joked before laying down. You placed your head on his chest, getting calmed down by the soft sound of his heartbeat. You wrapped your arm around his waist and moved your hips so close to him, that your pubic bone was against his hipbone. He pushed his leg between yours and finally the two of you were as entangled as physics would allow you to be. He used the arm he had under your body to draw tiny drawings on your spine, while his other hand moved over and tilted your chin up, so he could kiss you one more time.

"This time I'm not leaving without you".

[alexisrosemullens]

you are the one (designed for me)

Summary: Everyone has a timer that countdowns until you meet your soulmate. When you meet them, it turns into an infinity sign. The Gallaghers have bad luck with their soulmates, especially Ian whose soulmate left when he needed him the most.

Chapter One: time is moving slow    

Ian steps into the bitter air, pulling his gloves and hat on, making sure the hat covers his ears. He barely glances at the 00:00:00 tattoo on his right wrist nowadays and today is no exception as he makes sure his gloves cover his wrists. He wraps the scarf around his neck, tucks his scarf into his jacket, zips up the jacket, and takes off down the street, focusing on staying warm in the brutal Chicago winter.

Ian dreads meeting up with Lip for their weekly breakfast. Lip’s going to talk all about his soulmate most of time anyway, leaving Ian feeling miserable. He’s happy for his brother, he really is. Lip’s soulmate is actually working out; unlike Ian’s and Fiona’s.

He passes by several couples on his way to Patsy’s, holding hands and smiling. He can’t help but wonder if they were soulmates, the unmatched, or those like Ian whose soulmates left them and decided to live life without them. Ian snorts at the thought of his soulmate and keeps walking, trying his best to ignore the couples and secretly hoping it doesn’t work out. He’s feeling very cynical lately. He guesses three years without a soulmate does that.

Ian makes it to Patsy’s and shakes the snow off, hanging up his jacket and scarf. Lip waves at him at their regular booth and Ian wants to roll his eyes at the site of the infinity tattoo on his brother’s right wrist. He walks over, taking his gloves off and stuffing them in his pockets then sits across from Lip, immediately taking a sip of the coffee in front of him, trying to warm his body temperature up.

“God, it’s freezing out,” he says, setting the coffee down and rubbing his hands together. “And it’s not much warmer in the house.”

“Did you guys forget to pay the electric bill again? ‘Cause if you need the money, I can pitch in,” Lip offers, going to pull out his wallet.

Ian shakes his head, stopping him. “We’re fine. We paid it. On time too.”

“That’s a Gallagher first.”

Ian laughs, nodding. “Fiona and I think the heater might be going out soon but we just can’t swing it right now.”

“If it goes out, call me,” Lip insists. “I can’t have you guys freezing to death.”

Ian rolls his eyes. “Yes, Dad.” Lip glares at him, hating that Ian just compared him to Frank but Ian loves it. He loves teasing Lip and calling Lip dad whenever Lip tries to take of them.

Lip is a special Gallagher. He’s the only one that has gotten out of the South Side. He’s currently in school for engineering and already has a job lined up with his internship. He helps Fiona and Ian out when they let him. They are still at the Gallagher house raising their younger siblings, trying to give them a better childhood than they did. Lip sends them a check once a week and promises once he has a full time job, he’ll get them out of South Side. Fiona made Lip promise to get Debbie, Carl, and Liam out before her and Ian. She says they're too old to have their brother help them but Lip knows she's just too proud.

Lip met his soulmate, Ella, almost a year ago. He bumped into her in the lobby of his internship that he works at during his summer and winter breaks. His sleeve was pulled down and he didn’t realize she was his soulmate. He walked away from her after apologizing for running into her. She ran after him, pulling his sleeve up and showed him the infinity sign that had formed. She asked him to coffee and he agreed. Lip fell in love with her almost instantly. She was funny, smart, kind, and knew what it was like to be poor. They hit it off immediately. It took him months before he got around to bringing her over to meet his siblings and only did so because he got annoyed with Fiona’s constant begging. Ella immediately fit right in to his crazy, loud family. He is currently the only Gallagher who’s soulmate hasn’t left him and it’s actually working out.

Lip runs a hand through his hair, his tattoo flickering. Ian glances at it then averts his eyes.  He inadvertently pulls down the sleeve of his shirt. The infinity sign was torturing him. Lip notices his brother’s reaction and drops his hand quickly.

“You know, you could join a support group for those who lost their soulmates,” Lip says. It isn’t the first time Lip has brought it up and it definitely won’t be the last. He's always mentioned it but he started mentioning it a lot more when he met Ella. He is driving Ian nuts with it.

Ian scoffs at the idea. “Aren’t those for people whose soulmates died and not ones whose soulmates thought they were too much to handle?”

Lip shrugs. “You’ll never know if you don’t try.”

“I’m fine, Lip,” Ian assures him for the countless time. “I’m in a good place right now. Just a little bitter, that’s all.”

“It’s been three years, Ian, and you have yet to move past this. It’s not healthy.”

Ian motions one of the waitresses over, putting an end to the conversation. Lip just didn’t get it. Lip’s soulmate wants to be with him. She doesn’t think he’s damaged.

Soulmates don’t always work out the way Fiona painted it when they were little. Lip and Ian would curl up in Fiona’s too small bed and she would tell them all these amazing stories about soulmates. People that would watch the time on their wrist, watching the countdown, waiting to see who that person is when it reaches zero, then watching the time change to an infinity sign. Ian would trace the numbers on Fiona’s wrist, imagining the day he would meet his soulmate.

As they grew older, they realized the infinity sign didn’t always mean forever. The infinity sign would change back if one of the soulmates leaves. They saw it first hand with Frank and Monica. Monica would leave constantly and their tattoos would change each time she left. Instead of building each other up, they tore each other down. Then they saw it again with Fiona, saw that it almost broke her.

But then there were the soulmates where the infinity signs never changed. Kevin and Veronica were the one good example of this in Ian’s life. Their tattoos never faded, they stayed as clear as ever.

Having a countdown tattoo on your wrist could be very stressful at times. Some people hated it and would end up covering the tattoo, leaving their first meeting up to fate. Most looked forward to watching the time go down and get closer to meeting the one, curious to see who that person is when the countdown reaches zero.

Lip changes the conversation after the waitress takes their order but the new conversation is all about Lip and his soulmate. Ian tries to keep a happy front, he really does. He forces smiles and nods, making comments here and there. When it gets to be too much, he finishes his breakfast and coffee and stands up.

“I gotta go. My shift starts soon,” he says, pulling out his wallet.

“I got it, man,” Lip stops him and pays like always.

“Thanks, man.”

“Hey, wait.” Lip pulls a pamphlet out of his back pocket and hands it to Ian.

Ian groans at the title, So you lost your Soulmate?. “Seriously?”

“Just think about it.”

“Fuck you,” Ian says, flipping Lip off before walking away.

His favorite coworker and partner, Sue, greets him when he walks into the station. He nods at her, heading to his locker. He takes off his big winter jacket and changes into his EMT button down and his EMT jacket, stuffing the stupid pamphlet into the locker, hoping they’re get lost with the others. He heads back to the front where Sue is sitting in the ambulance.

“Morning, Gallagher,” she greets, handing him a cup of tea. “How was your breakfast with your dick of a brother?”

“He wouldn’t shut up about his stupid soulmate and when he wasn’t talking about her, he was trying to convince me to go to a stupid support group,” Ian grumbles. “Gave me another fucking pamphlet.”

Sue laughs, clapping Ian on the shoulder. “He’s still in the honeymoon phase. It’s been what? A year? I was like that the first year with Jim. I wanted everyone to feel what I was feeling and be happy.”

“Yeah, but I did have that. For a little while at least,” Ian mumbles, looking down.

“Jesus, sorry, kid. I didn’t mean it like that,” Sue backtracks, squeezing Ian’s shoulder. “But he just wants you to be happy without your soulmate. And you can be.”

A call comes in, breaking up the conversation. Ian jumps up, getting the ambulance ready before Sue says anything else. Sue drives quickly to the call and is barely in park when Ian jumps out of the ambulance, his bag over his shoulder.

Ian rushes into Albi, pushing past the regulars. He makes his way to the where Kevin and Veronica are waiting for him.

“Hey, Ian,” V greets, smiling at him. They lead him to the back room where Mickey Milkovich is sitting on top of the freezer, his hand wrapped in what Ian is sure use to be a white towel.

“What happened?” Ian asks, pushing past V to get to Mickey.

“I’m fine,” Mickey mumbles, trying to push Ian away.

“Yeah, the now red towel attests to that,” V snorts. “He cut his hand while pulling a bottle out of a box. Didn’t know it was broken until he hissed and pulled out a bloody hand.”

“It’s just a fucking scratch,” Mickey protests when Ian pulls off the towel.

“You got injured on the job. We can’t take any chances,” Kev says. “We’ve been in enough trouble. You can help, right?”

Ian hums and nods at the comments, cleaning up Mickey’s wounds so he can get a better look at the cut. He knows of Mickey through his sister Mandy. They hung out some when Mandy was Ian’s beard but stopped when Mickey dropped out, got married, and had a kid. Ian still keeps up with Mandy but only sees Mickey when he comes to the Albi every once in a while. “It’s pretty deep, Mickey, you need stitches.”

“I’m not going to a fucking hospital,” Mickey snatches his hand away from Ian and applies more pressure on it to try to stop the bleeding himself.

“You’re getting stitches, Milkovich,” V threatens, giving him at look that Ian knows she uses when the twins aren’t behaving.

Ian hums, turning to look at Sue. She shrugs, leaning against the door, her way of letting him know that she doesn’t care. Ian turns back to Mickey, taking his hand again and looking at the cut. “I can do them here.”

Mickey lets out a breathe then nods. He glares at Kev and V, who take it as a sign to leave.

Ian shifts, grabbing his bag and pulling out all the things he needs. He grabs some alcohol wipes and cleans the wound, causing Mickey to suck in a breath. “Sorry,” he mumbles, cleaning up the blood that has dried on Mickey’s right hand where Mickey had use to try to stop the bleeding. His eyes flicker to Mickey’s 00:00:00 tattoo before getting back to work on his left hand.

Ian quickly stitches him up and wraps his hand up. “You need to change your bandage tomorrow,” he tells him, standing up. “And I will know if you don’t.”

Mickey scoffs. “Yeah, how’s that?”

Ian looks down at him, raising his eyebrows, giving him a look to say he will call Mandy.

“Fine. I’ll change it. Happy?” Mickey rolls his eyes, standing up.

Ian nods, grinning slightly. He steps back, leaving Sue to hand Mickey the paperwork. Mickey quickly signs and shoves it back into Sue’s hand. Ian shifts his bag on his shoulder, turning to leave.

“Hey.”

Mickey’s voice stops him, forcing him to look back and raise his eyebrows at him.

“Thanks,” Mickey says.

Ian smiles, nodding then turning around.

The rest of Ian’s shift is uneventful. He tells Sue goodbye then heads back out into the cold, bundling back up. The living room light of the Gallagher house is still on, telling him that Fiona is waiting up for him. Ian stomps the snow of his boots on the porch then heads inside, engulfed in warmth when he opens the door. He pulls off all the many layers then collapses on the couch next to Fiona.

“Rough shift?” she asks, handing him part of the blanket she is bundled up in.

He shakes his head, curling up in the blanket. “Not really. The most exciting part was giving Mickey Milkovich stitches.”

“He willingly let you do that?” Fiona asks, surprised.

Ian shrugs. “Kev and V sort of didn’t give him a choice since he was injured on the job.” Ian pulls the blanket up to his chin, trying to warm up. “V gave him her mom stare.”

Fiona laughs. “It is pretty scary.”

Ian hums, looking up at the TV show Fiona is watching. When it doesn’t catch his eye, he turns back to Fiona. “Kids in bed?”

“Yeah, finally. Debbie had a book report and was working on it pretty late but she ended up giving up a few minutes ago.”

“Good. So Lip gave me a fucking pamphlet today.”

“Let me guess. It’s the So you lost your Soulmate? one?” Fiona asks.

Ian nods. Fiona burst out laughing, leaning forward to grab something off the coffee table. She leans back, throwing the same pamphlet in his lap.

“That fucker,” Ian mumbles, grabbing the pamphlet and opening it up.

“He dropped it off this afternoon when he dropped of Liam. He tried to give me the whole speech and everything but I shoved him out the door,” Fiona tells him.

Ian laughs, flinging the pamphlet away when he sees a picture of a smiling couple. “He just can’t keep his nose out of our lives, can he?”

“He only wants what’s best for us,” Fiona says in a mocking tone causing Ian to laugh even harder.

They quiet down after hearing a small squeak up above them. Fiona focuses on her TV show while Ian plays with the blanket.

“Do you think maybe Lip’s right?” he asks quietly.

Fiona looks back at him, surprised.

“I mean it’s been three years for me. Almost seven for you,” Ian continues. “Maybe it’s time for us to move on. I mean, they aren’t coming back. They made that pretty fucking clear.”

Fiona makes a noise, pulling her right hand out of the blanket. She flips it over, looking at her wrist where the 00:00:00 tattoo matches Ian’s. Ian traces the numbers with his fingers, like he used to do when they were little and curled up in her bed. He intertwines their fingers, squeezing her hand. Fiona smiles softly, squeezing his hand and leaning her head against his shoulder.

“Ian? Fi?”

The two older siblings turn to find their younger brother at the foot of the stairs. Liam rubs his eyes, one of his pajama pants leg at his knee and only wearing one sock.

“Hey, I thought you were asleep,” Fiona says, sitting up and holding her arms out.

Liam immediately goes to her, climbing into her lap. Fiona covers him with a blanket, rubbing his arms to warm him up. Liam shakes her off, holding out his right arm to Ian. Ian gives him a questioning look so Liam pulls up his sleeves, showing his countdown.

“The wrapping came off in the shower. Can you cover it back up?” Liam asks.

“Yeah, bud,” Ian leans forward, kissing Liam’s head then gets up to go get his backpack.

After Ian’s soulmate left three years ago, Debbie took it upon herself to start covering up her countdown. She said she wanted to be surprised when she ran into her soulmate. She didn’t want a clock ticking down. Soon after, Carl and Liam also asked to have their countdowns covered. None of them got the sugarcoated version of soulmates like Lip and Ian did when they were younger. They saw quickly and at a very young age how soulmates can ruin another person. Ian’s pretty sure they just started covering it up in support of him and Fiona.

“There you go,” Ian says once he finishes wrapping up Liam’s wrist.

“Thanks,” he answers, rubbing his wrist. “The kids at school ask why I cover it up.”

“What did you tell them?” Fiona asks.

Liam shrugs. “That I don’t want to know when it happens so maybe I won’t be disappointed.”

Fiona sucks in a breath, looking at Ian. Ian gives her a knowing look and the guilt rushes over him. They are setting a bad example for their younger brother. “Hey,” Fiona starts, shifting Liam so he is in-between her and Ian. She wraps her arms around his shoulder, knocking her knee against his. “Soulmates can be wonderful things and sometimes it works out beautifully. Look at V and K. They’ve been together since they found each other. But you don’t need a soulmate to be happy.”

“But you and Ian aren’t happy,” Liam tells her.

“Who says we’re not?” Ian asks.

Liam shrugs. “I can tell.”

Ian looks at Fiona again, her face looking like he felt. “Just because Fiona and I aren’t with our soulmates, doesn’t mean we aren’t happy. It’s just-”

“Our soulmates didn’t leave us in good places,” Fiona finishes. “And it’s hard to recover from that but we’re working on it. Working on being happy. Okay?”

Liam nods. “Yeah, I know. I just don’t want you two to not find anyone because you’re too busy worrying about me.”

“Shit, he figured us out,” Ian teases, grinning at Fiona.

“We’ve been made,” Fiona joins in, tickling Liam.

Liam laughs, shrugging to get out of her grasp.

The next morning, Fiona corners Ian in the kitchen. “Lip’s right, we need to move on.” She hands him the pamphlet and another one Lip had given them a few weeks ago.

Ian sighs, taking the pamphlets out of her hands.

“They’re meeting today at noon,” Fiona says. “We should go.”

Ian looks down at the pamphlets then looks up, watching Liam eat his cereal with a thick bandage on his wrist. Debbie is standing in front of Carl, wrapping his wrist up in a bandage. Ian could see the edge of a bandage under Debbie’s long sleeve shirt. Ian sighs and nods. “Okay, I’ll meet you there.”

Fiona and Ian both go to support group but it ends up being a bad idea. Most of the people are those whose soulmates died not because they left them. The leader of the group notices Ian struggling during the meeting and tells him about a single’s group instead and that it’s meeting right after this one. Ian glances over his shoulder to tell Fiona but his sister is walking out the door with a guy on her arm. Ian rolls his eyes and stays for the single group.

The single’s group is a little bit better than the support group. There’s only one other gay guy and he immediately asks Ian to meet up. That’s how Ian finds himself in the Albi that Friday night waiting on the guy to show up.

“Gallagher,” Mickey greets when Ian sits down at the bar.

“Mickey,” Ian nods, asking for a beer.

“Waiting for your asshole brother?” Mickey asks, handing him a beer.

“Does no one actually like Lip?” Ian asks, confused. “Sue pretty much said the same thing the other day.”

“Nope. That dude’s a dick to everyone.”

Ian rolls his eyes. “I get it but no. I’m waiting for my well, I guess date.”

Mickey raises his eyebrows, crossing his arms “You’re not sure?”

“He’s from my single’s group,” Ian mumbles. “Hey! It’s better than support group!” Ian defends when Mickey starts laughing.

“Why the fuck did you join either one?” Mickey asks, grinning in amusement.

“Fiona and I are worried we’re setting a bad example with the kids,” Ian answers. When Mickey gives him a questioning look, he continues. “They keep their countdowns covered and Liam doesn’t want to be disappointed in his soulmate. He’s eight.”

Mickey whistles, straighten up. “Jesus, Frank and Monica really fucked you guys up.”

Ian shakes his head. “It wasn’t them.” He flips over his right wrist, showing off his zeros.

Mickey’s eyes flicker to them then back to Ian. “So? The whole soulmate concept is stupid. I’ve seen more cases where they don’t work out than the ones that do.”

“Yeah, not something you should tell an eight year old,” Ian mutters. He takes a sip of his beer and nods at Mickey’s left hand. “How’s the hand?”

Mickey holds up his still bandage-up hand. “I got the ex to change the bandages like you said. Ready for the stitches to be out.”

“I can look at it later and see how’s it healing. You need to be careful with it tonight and not tear the stitches out,” Ian tells him.

Mickey rolls his eyes at him. “Jesus Christ, you’re worse than V.”

Ian and Mickey continue to talk while Ian waits on his date. Mickey leaves him every so often to check on other customers and refill their drinks but he always makes his back to Ian. Over two hours later, Mickey looks at the watch. “I think you’ve been stood up, man.”

Ian looks down at his phone and groans. “Probably for the best. Lip isn’t going to be happy.”

“Not your fault the guy didn’t show.”

Ian shrugs. “Yeah, well.”

“Ian?”

Ian turns in his spot to see the tall, blond man from single’s group behind him. Blaine reaches his hand out. “I’m so sorry I’m late. My dog got away from me and I had to find him.”

“Oh, it’s no problem,” Ian shakes his hand then stands up, grabbing his beer. “Want to find a booth?”

“Yeah.”

Blaine orders a beer then follows Ian to a corner booth.

Thirty minutes later, Ian is back at the bar with an empty glass. Mickey walks over, taking the empty glass and filling it back up.

“Where’s the dude?” he asks. “What’s his name?” Mickey snaps his fingers, acting like he’s trying to remember Ian’s date’s name.

“Blaine,” Ian says, rolling his eyes. “Fucker ran off.”

Mickey raises his eyebrows, silently asking why.

Ian flips his wrist over, rubbing the zero tattoos. “I uh- told him about my bipolar disorder.”

“And that scared him off?” He has no reaction to Ian’s confession. Ian guesses he knows about his bipolar through Mandy.

Ian nods, drowning the beer. He sets the glass down, rubbing his head. “It’s a part of me and I’m not afraid of it anymore. I figured it would be better to be up front about it. I was wrong.”

“Fuck him, man.” Mickey places a bowl of mixed nuts in front of him and a glass of water, knowing Ian had his limit.

“Thanks,” he mumbles, taking a sip of water.

Ian wants to quit single’s group after the disaster of the blind date. Fiona tries to talk him out of it and Lip gives him another damn pamphlet. He rips the pamphlet up and quits the stupid single’s group. He doesn’t tell any of his siblings even though he knows Fiona would be supportive of his decision no matter what. Instead he spends those times at the Albi at the bar with Mickey.

Mickey and him develop a weird friendship over the weeks of Ian lying to his family. Ian even makes sure Mickey keeps his cut clean and takes the stitches out for him. Sometimes Ian thinks Mickey is flirting with him but then he remembers he was married to a woman and he must be seeing things.

One night, Ian is keeping Mickey company during his long shift at the Albi. He is sitting at his regular spot at the bar with a beer in hand, telling Mickey Debbie and Carl’s crazy antics this week when a small blur runs up.

“Daddy!” The blur squeaks and a small, blonde boy climbs up on the barstool, grinning up at Mickey. “Daddy, Mommy says I get to stay with you this weekend!”

Mickey raises his eyebrows, glancing at the front door where his ex-wife is walking in. “Yeah, you do. What’s our plans?”

“Stay up all night, watch movies, read, and eat candy!” The boy grins.

“Yevgeny, don’t run off like that again,” Svetlana scolds when she makes her way over to the bar.

“Sorry, Mommy.” The boy pouts, his eyes wide.

“I told you to drop him off after my shift. What’s he going to do for two hours?” Mickey asks, crossing his arms.

“You figure it out. I must work,” Svetlana retorts. She kisses Yevgeny’s head then is out of the door before Mickey can open his mouth.

“Shit,” Mickey curses under his breath.

Yevgeny gasps. “Daddy, no cursing!”

“Sorry, bud,” Mickey says as Ian laughs. Mickey glares at him. “Hey, Yev, why don’t you go upstairs and watch TV until I get off?”

“But Mommy said I can’t be left alone,” Yevgeny pouts.

“Then she should of thought of that before bringing you in the middle of my shift.”

“I can watch him,” Ian speaks up.

Mickey looks at him. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, I’m not doing anything and I kept my brothers and sister all the time. Liam was basically raised by Fiona, Lip and I,” Ian says. He turns to the young boy and leans down. “Hey, Yevgeny. I’m your dad’s friend, Ian. Want to hang out with me while your daddy works? We can watch any movie you want.”

“Yeah!” Yevgeny shouts then turns to Mickey. “Can I, Daddy? Please?”

Mickey sighs. “Yeah, go.”

Yevgeny jumps off the barstool and runs up the stairs before Ian is off the stool. Ian laughs, shaking his head.

“Hey,” Mickey stops him before he heads up, handing him a water to replace his beer. “He’ll probably crash in like thirty minutes.”

Ian nods, taking the water and heading upstairs to join the boy.

Mickey is right, Yevgeny crashes within thirty minutes. Ian turns down the TV and watches it until Mickey comes stumbling upstairs around one in the morning. He thanks Ian, picks up the young boy, and both of them head out.

Ian’s barely at home and asleep when his phone starts ringing. He feels around for it, groaning when he sees the time is a little after three in the morning. “Hello?”

 “He’s burning up and I don’t know what to do!”

Ian groans, sitting up and looking around his dark room. “Mickey?”

 “I can’t take him to the hospital and I don’t know what to do.”

Ian groans, rubbing his hand down his face. “Mickey, calm down. And slow down. What’s wrong?”

 “It’s Yevgeny. He’s burning up.”

“I’m on my way.” Ian stumbles out of bed, throwing on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt then is out the door with his bag in hand. He makes his way to Mickey’s apartment in record time; Mickey’s waiting at the door with Yevgeny in his arms. Ian immediately takes the boy in his arms and lays him on the couch. He takes his temperature and cringes at the results.

“Mickey, he has a 102 fever. He needs to go to the emergency room,” Ian says.

Mickey crosses his arms and shakes his head. “No. He’s staying here, okay. You can help him.”

Ian sighs but doesn’t argue with him. He gives Yevgeny fever reducer and helps Mickey change him into some light clothes. Mickey takes him back to his bed and sits down beside the bed.

“Now what?” he asks, running his hands through Yevgeny’s hair.

“We wait, watch him to make sure he doesn’t get any worse, take his temperature again in a few hours, and make sure he stays hydrated,” Ian says.

“Fuck,” Mickey whispers, putting his head in his hands.

“I’ll be in the living room,” Ian tries to back out of the room but Mickey stops him, begging him to stay in case something happens. Ian argues with him but eventually gives up, pulling up a chair and sitting by the bed.

“Liam use to get fevers a lot,” Ian says after a few minutes. “He would get really fussy and we could never get him to sleep when he had one. We would take shifts, trying to get him to sleep but we would just end up on the couch with him watching late night TV.”

“Why did he get them so much?”

Ian shrugged. “He was sick a lot after Fiona’s soulmate left and the accident. It was also around the time of my diagnosis so a lot of it fell on Lip’s plate.”

“Accident?”

Ian glances up at Mickey’s question, raising his eyebrows. “You don’t know? I thought it was all over the neighborhood when it happened. Liam got into some cocaine Fiona left lying around. He was in the hospital for three days.”

“Shit,” Mickey whispers. “But he’s okay?”

Ian nods. “Yeah, perfectly healthy. Almost as smart as Lip. That whole time was a fucking disaster. I-uh,” Ian stops, looking down at his hands.  “I don’t remember a lot of it. That just sticks out the most.”

Mickey is silent and Ian’s sure he wants to ask him more questions but Ian avoids looking up. That part of his life seems too heavy for a guy he hangs out with when he lies to his family.

But Mickey doesn’t ask anymore questions. He stays silent. Ian finally breaks the silence and asks him a question. “Why didn’t you hear about it? Debbie said people talked about it for months especially when Fiona was arrested and almost lost guardianship of us.”

Mickey nods to Yevgeny. “This guy took up a lot of my time. Terry had just died and Svet forced me into getting a job over the table. Didn’t want to risk anything with this one.”

“I remember when Terry died,” Ian mumbles. “Mandy came to find me and we stayed up all night, drinking and smoking. Fiona and Lip got so mad at me when they found out I drank on my meds.”

Mickey was quiet, staring down at his son. “Thanks for being there for Mandy. I-uh-wasn’t there for her when she needed me.  I’m glad she had someone.”

Ian bowed his head. “I disappointed her. Left her when she needed me the most. I don’t deserve to have her as a best friend.”

“Hey, man, don’t do that to yourself,” Mickey shook his head. “Mandy loves you. More than me that’s for sure.”

Ian disagrees. “You’re her brother. She loves you.”

Mickey shrugs, running his hand through Yevgeny’s hair. "She told me what happened. She doesn't blame you. If she did, she would know."

Ian figures he was right. Mandy never holds back and always lets people know what she's thinking. Ian leans back in the chair, crossing his arms and trying to get comfortable, knowing it was going to be a long night. The next few hours, neither Mickey nor Ian sleep, instead they watch Yevgeny. The boy tosses and turns and wakes up two hours later, crying.

Ian takes his temperature and forces Yevgeny to drink water. Yevgeny whines and protests, reaching for Mickey. Mickey rubs his back and talks him into drinking a few sips of water. Yevgeny eventually obeys and takes a few sips. Ian tells him that he needs to drink the whole glass. After more protesting and crying, Yevgeny finishes the water and falls back to sleep.

“Shit, this is going to be a long night,” Mickey mumbles, tucking the boy back in.

Ian nods off in the chair, his shifts and late nights out catching up with him. He jerks awake when Yevgeny starts crying.

“He’s sweating,” Mickey tells him, holding the boy in his arms.

Ian groans, standing up. He walks over to Mickey and the boy, placing his hand on Yevgeny’s forehead. “His fever’s breaking.” He kneels down, moving his hand to Yevgeny’s neck. “Hey, bud, can I check your temperature again?”

Yevgeny whimpers but nods. He willingly lets Ian take him from Mickey. Ian adjusts Yevgeny in his arms and takes his temperature. He sighs in relief when the thermometer says 99 degrees.

“It’s almost back to normal,” he tells Mickey. “He should take another fever reducer in a few hours and he needs to drink more water but he’s going to be okay.”

Mickey sighs in relief and takes Yevgeny back in his arms. “Here that, buddy, you’re going to be fine.” Yevgeny sniffles and snuggles up against Mickey’s neck. Mickey kisses the side of his head and looks at Ian. “Thanks, man.”

“Yeah,” Ian nods, crossing his arms. His phone starts ringing and Ian curses as he pulls the phone out to see his sister’s name flashing across the screen. “Shit, it’s Fiona. She’s probably freaking out.”

“Go. I think I got this.”

“Are you sure? I can tell Fiona and stay until he’s temperature’s back to normal.”

Mickey shakes his head, adjusting Yevgeny in his arms. “I can handle him.”

“Okay,” Ian hesitates. “Call me if he gets any worse. I’ll be over later to check on him. If I can get away from Fiona that is.”

“Yeah, okay,” Mickey says. “Thanks again.”

Ian smiles and nods. He pats Yevgeny on the back before grabbing his jacket and heading back to his house. Fiona is pacing around the living room when he walks in the door.

“Ian! Holy fuck, where have you been?” she cries.

Ian ignores her, hanging up his coat and placing his bag down. He walks past her and into the kitchen, grabbing a mug and filling it up full of coffee. He takes a long sip before turning back to her.

“I was worried sick,” Fiona says, crossing her arms. “Where were you? Did you even come home last night?”

“Yes, I came home for a few hours but Mickey called around three. Yevgeny was running a fever and didn’t want to take him to the ER. I stayed at his house the rest of the night,” Ian explains, leaning against the counter.

“Jesus, is the kid okay?” Fiona calms down, leaning against the fridge.

“Yeah, his fever was down to 99 when you called. I’m going to get some sleep then go back by there later today.”

Fiona nods, looking down at the floor. She swings her foot a bit then crosses it over the other foot. She looks back up, sighing. “I’m sorry for freaking out. It’s just-”

“I get it, Fi,” he stops her, giving her a smile.

Fiona nods again, pushing herself off the fridge. “I have the dinner shift. Can you handle dinner?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fully awake by then.”

Fiona laughs, shaking her head as she walks away.

Ian finishes his cup of coffee, washes his mug, and heads upstairs to get some sleep. A few hours later, Debbie is shaking him awake. He groans, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “I’m up,” he mumbles.

“Mickey Milkovich is here to see you,” Debbie says, raising her eyebrows at him.

“What?”

“And you’re supposed to be handling dinner.”

Ian’s forehead furrows in confusion. “What?”

Debbie rolls her eyes, throwing her hands up in annoyance. “Jesus Christ,” she mumbles as she turns around and leaves.

Ian groans, rubbing his head. He stands up, grabbing a sweatshirt and throwing it on before heading downstairs. Debbie is right. Mickey is standing in their kitchen. Carl is sitting at the barstool, watching him very intently.

“Hey,” Ian greets, walking over to the fridge and pulling out things he needed for supper. “How’s Yevgeny?”

“He’s better. Svetlana freaked out when I told her and picked him up.” Ian can feel his eyes on him as he looks through the fridge.

He shuts the fridge door, spinning around to face Mickey. “Shit, sorry, man. There goes your weekend with him.”

Mickey shrugs. “Depending on how he feels, she’ll probably drop him off Monday.”

“That’s good,” Ian turns to Carl. “Go get Liam and you two need to gather all your dirty clothes and start washing them.”

Carl turns up his nose. “Do we have to?”

“Yes, and Debbie too.”

Carl groans, not moving from his spot.

“Carl, go,” Ian raises his eyebrows and crosses his arms.

Carl sighs and gets up, running up the stairs and yelling for Liam and Debbie.

Ian rolls his eyes at the noise, turning the oven on to preheat. “Sorry about that. Fiona’s working tonight so I’m on kid duty.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Mickey mumbles, chewing on his thumbnail. “Hey, um, thanks for everything. Svet and I can’t really afford the emergency room and neither one of us has insurance.”

“I get it,” Ian answers, gesturing to the house and all the work that needs to be done to it. “We only got insurance maybe five years ago.”

“But anyway, thanks. It means a lot that you came over to help,” Mickey continues chewing his thumbnail. “I -uh don’t really know how to repay you.”

Ian stops what he’s doing and turns to Mickey. “Repay me? Mickey, I’m just helping out a friend. It’s no big deal.”

“Yeah, but I feel like I owe you, man. I mean, you helped my kid.”

Ian leans against the counter, crossing his arms and cocking his head. There it was again. He still can't tell if Mickey is flirting with him so Ian takes matters into his own hands. “How about a drink then? With you not behind a bar?”

“Uh, yeah, okay.”

The corner of Ian’s mouth turns up in a smile when he sees Mickey blush. “Great. Fiona gets off at ten. Meet you at the Albi at 10:30?”

“Yeah,” Mickey nods. “Yeah, see you then.” He nods at Ian one more time then walks out.

Ian grins, watching him walk out.

“What’s wrong with your face?”

Ian jerks out of his thoughts to find Debbie, Carl, and Liam staring at him with their arms full of laundry. “What?”

“You have this dopey look on your face,” Carl says, arching his eyebrows. “You look high. Are you?”

"What? No!"

“Do you like Mickey Milkovich?” Debbie asks, raising her eyebrows.

“What? We’re just friends,” Ian turns around and continues cooking supper, trying to ignore his younger siblings.

“Since when?” He hears Debbie ask.

“Just start a load of laundry and can someone help with the dirty dishes?”

Ian makes it through dinner and the rest of the night without the kids bothering him. When Fiona gets home, Ian bundles up and heads out to meet Mickey at the Albi. He spots Mickey in a corner booth, already nursing a beer.

“Hey,” Ian greets, shedding off a few layers. “Jesus, it’s freezing out. Going outside nowadays takes a lot of effort.”

“Yeah, dressing the kid has been a pain lately,” Mickey agrees. “I had to come in for a little bit to help Kev out so I didn’t order you anything.”

“That’s okay. I’ll flag him down.” Ian gets Kev’s attention and gestures for two beers. Kev nods and a few minutes later, he squeezes his way over with two beers.

“Hey, man,” Kev slaps Ian across the back after setting the beers down. “Lip said you joined a single’s group. Good for you, man.”

Mickey snorts into his beer.

“Yeah, about that,” Ian starts. “I quit going. It was all straight people anyway.”

“Well, I’m sure Lip can find you a LG- whatever the fuck it is now, group,” Kev responds.

“God, no,” Ian cringes. “Those things are too fucking depressing.”

“Fiona seemed to have luck.”

Ian rolls his eyes. “Fiona can have luck with anything that walks.”

Kev gasps as Mickey almost falls over in laughter. “That’s your sister!” Kev yells like it’s the biggest scandal he’s heard.

“Exactly why I can say it,” Ian shrugs. “She would have said the same about me a few years ago.”

“Does Lip know you quit?” Kev asks, changing the subject.

Ian shakes his head. “Neither does Fiona. And you cannot tell, Kev, I mean it. If I get another pamphlet, I swear to God, I will burn them and then kill Lip.”

Kev throws his hands up in surrender, backing slowly away from the table. Ian rolls his eyes and turns back to Mickey who is still laughing.

“Jesus, Gallagher. I thought the pills were supposed to help the crazy.”

Ian laughs. “They’re family.” It’s a simple explanation that Mickey seems to get.

“Ever hear from that Blaine guy again?” Mickey asks, changing the subject.

Ian snorts. “Fuck that dude. Fuck all of them. Fuck dating.”

“Wow, someone hasn’t had any luck,” Mickey grins.

“I’ve been on maybe a total of five dates in the last three years and they have all ended very badly. One fucker cried over his dead soulmate the whole time.”

Mickey sucks in a breathe. “Yikes.”

Ian takes a long sip of his beer then nods at Mickey’s right wrist. “What about you?”

Mickey shrugs. “With Yev, I didn’t get a lot of opportunities to date. Svet set me up with this one guy that called me by his soulmate’s name when we fucked.”

“Holy fuck.” Ian's mind starts racing. Mickey is gay and he was probably flirting with him.

“Yeah, that didn’t end well.”

Ian shudders at the thought. “Yeah, well I guess you take what you can get when your soulmate abandoned you.”

“That’s for sure,” he says. “But you had time with your soulmate, right?”

Ian shrugs. “Some. He didn’t want anything to do with me.”

“Fuck,” Mickey whispers. “This got real depressing. Want a shot?”

“God, yes.”

Mickey motions for Kev to bring them shots. Two shots and two beers later, the lights of the Albi are starting to get to Ian. The noise is too much and he can barely focus on Mickey. He keeps staring at the man causing him to look away.

“I need to head out,” Ian says, slowly standing up. “Fiona’s going to freak.”

“Let me give you a ride,” Mickey says, standing up as well and walking beside him.

The cold air hits hard when Ian opens up the door. He shivers and pulls his coat tighter. “Fuck, it’s cold.”

“Looks like it might snow again,” Mickey says, looking up at the overcast sky. He nods over to the left. “I parked over here.”

The walk to his car is silent. Ian struggles trying to open the passenger door before he gives up and lets Mickey open it for him. When Mickey gets in, he cranks the heat up for him then tosses him a bag of goldfish that he had in his dashboard.

“Sober up, man, so your sister doesn’t kill me or you.”

Ian takes the goldfish and eats them quietly on the way to his house. Ian knows Mickey has an apartment that is out of the way from his house but doesn’t say anything about it.

Mickey pulls up in front of the house and turns the car off. The house is dark and quiet for once and Ian just stares up at it.

“Walk me up and make sure I don’t fall?” Ian immediately regrets the question as soon as it’s out of his mouth. But when Mickey nods, there’s no turning back now.

He trips over all the stairs up to the house and Mickey catches his elbow each time.

“Shit, man, can you make it up the stairs to your room?” Mickey asks, watching Ian stumble to unlock the door.

Ian makes a low humming noise and finally opens the door. Mickey follows him inside, softly closing the door. Ian catches Mickey’s eyes and suddenly they are staring at each other, not sure what to do. Ian’s eyes flicker to Mickey’s lips and that seems to give Mickey the confidence to step forward. Ian’s head is buzzing and not sure what to make of it until their lips meet. He finds himself pushed up against the door and gasps when the doorknob digs into his back but he pulls Mickey closer.

They make out in front of the door for what seems like hours until Ian leads Mickey up to his room. Ian trips on the stairs but he doesn’t let go of Mickey until Mickey falls back on Ian’s too small of a bed.

They stare at each other for a long time then Ian is pulling off his shirt and pressing his mouth back to Mickey's. It’s been so long since he’s been held like this, kissed like this. He never wants it to end.

“Fuck, how old is this mattress?” Mickey groans, sitting up and grabbing his back.

Ian sits up slightly, watching Mickey move around. “I think we found it on the street before Liam was born.”

“Fuck, no. Next time, we go to my place. I have a fucking king size that’s only a year old,” Mickey says, throwing his shirt on. “And Jesus, does your heat not work?”

“Next time?” Ian’s face breaks out in a huge grin and he scoots to the edge of the bed, trying to find his own shirt.

Mickey clears his throat and doesn’t say anything until he zips up his pants and turns to face Ian. “If that’s okay?”

Ian tugs on Mickey’s belt loops, pulling him to meet his lips. “Yeah, that’s okay.”

[itsinvisiblelocket91]

13 years of Taylor. (This is long. I’m sorry)

So I’ve decided to tell my story on how I found Taylor and the Impact she’s had one me, and what she’s helped me through the past 13 years. I figure it’s appropriate to do this during the Lover era and 13 years of Taylor!!

I’ll start with when I was 16 (almost 17) and sitting in the dark on my couch with a blanket wrapped around me. I was just skimming through the channels and landed on the ACM Awards. There was a tiny, tall, kinky ,curly, blonde headed girl in a black jacket and denim jeans and a guitar, sitting on a stool. All the sudden she tears it off and goes into dramatics of why this boy should have said no. Soon to go into a rain shower of “no’s”. I absolutely got chills and could not take my eyes off her. She sang in the rain, just drenched, soak and wet but singing her heart out about the boy who did her wrong. She ended the song and I was stunned! She was so happy after her performance. There was a standing ovation and she was so giddy and couldn’t believe the reaction she was getting. So genuine and honest. I replayed and watched it a couple times but at some point I HAD to stop and go to bed. I remember walking up the stairs to my room and decided that I was never gonna forget this girl and I needed to look her stuff up and soon.

Later on I had discovered her debut album “Taylor Swift” but didn’t go into a whole spiral of obsession like I am currently. I had her music on my laptop. I remember me and my friends making horrible remakes of “our song”, “tryin to find a place in this world”, and “Tim McGraw “ if only those video still existed. I started finding posters in magazines of her to hang up on my wall.

One day, my mom came home with the new “fearless” album for me only days after my birthday. I didn’t ask for it, she just got it but I’m so glad she did. The rest of that year, we played that CD to school and back in my moms Jeep. My school was 45 mins away so you can imagine I learned this album QUICK. I was 100% a hopeless romantic in high school and had crazy amount of crushes happening but also learning that they don’t have to like you or they can break up with you through a piece of paper at lunch. I remember wishing the song “15” came sooner for me, but greatful it was there cause even at 17-18 I didn’t know who I was. I felt Taylor was there to help me find that in myself. I was supper shy and definitely made fun of/ bullied in school. It was nice to know someone knew all about it and could let me know how to maybe handle it and all the other things high school came with.

January 13th 2010, my grandpa died of cancer. He had, had it for years at this point. I suddenly couldn’t listen to breathe anymore and still can’t to this day. For some reason it just hits different sense then. He was a father figure to me sense me, my brother and mom lived with my grandma and grandpa after her divorce. Not that my dad wasn’t around. It’s just he was always there to protect me and care for me as much as my mom was.

Soon it was time for me to graduate high school (I graduated early) and I remember being in like a limbo of “what now”. I watched the VMAS that year....2009. I remember watching it live. I burst into my moms room while she was sleeping to tell her what just happened to you. I was so angry. How dare he? You WORKED SO HARD! I laid in bed to mad that I couldn’t do anything. But what else could I do.

Speak Now was then released and I downloaded the album that night. Idky, but I listened to “last kiss” on repeat tell I fell asleep. (Weird I know). At the time I was talking to a certain someone that I never thought would have ever batted an eye in my direction from my high school. I had dated him for a week but it just wasn’t the right time for either of us. Clearly Speak Now said something to me. That night I was in the dark on the phone with him while the moonlight blazed through my blinds. He told me “I would always be of high importance to him and that he wanted to take me out on my birthday” At that moment, I new I needed to jump. I didn’t jump before because I was scared and with other boys I did the same thing before. Nothing.

Speak now told me to do this before you keep regretting not jumping.

I jumped.

I absolutely didn’t have my drivers licenses.

My mom was absolutely out of town

And I absolutely took my car that I would get when legal to drive to go see this boy who gave me a romantic conversation over the phone.

I felt like I was gonna throw up. 100% scared and blaring sparks fly in what was technically my car.

I met him at the park and we went to eat from there in his car.

I couldn’t believe what I was doing. This was jumping.

After that night, that was it. He was it.

I was 19 and 100% sure that this was it.

(Good thing I was right 🥰)

My mom was furious. I even moved out.

I listened to speak now that entire time. It was a huge part of my life. I would cry every time I left him and put on speak now and it would comfort me and I would be ok.

Years go by and then low and be hold RED is debuting

(19 year old jumping from house to house just to be with him. I slept on peoples floors)

My mom had gotten married and moved to Kentucky so I went to visit her. Engaged and sitting in my moms car, my mom comes out of Walgreens with a RED T-shirt, and album for me cause I was begging. I remember hear IKYWT and thinking oh hell, we’re going into something new? I sat in my moms guest room and listened to RED and loved it. I remember thinking how sad I was for Taylor. That this is what love has become for her. Red. Something that will probably end at some point.

That was about the time that the honeymoon phase was fading out for me and my fiancé. It’s funny how that’s like a light switch and you don’t realize what kinda care you have to give and put into your love life until one day, reality hits and you want certain things. Maybe things you both don’t agree on. You start having to grow up and dealing with actual life problems you didn’t see when you were blinded by the infatuation you have for each other. That’s when RED started making sense to me. Fighting and hurting each other cause we’re 20-21 and have no idea what we’re doing. Engaged and love each other but have no clue about life and doing it. That year was my first Taylor Concert with nose bleed seats of course cause I made $7.25 an hour and a friend of mine paid for them. I screamed every word with my poster board and almost broke into tears during the entire thing. I had only wished I could get closer because I wanted to see her face to face for once. I still had the time of my life screaming and jumping around to 22!

(My sign for the red tour)

The RED era started to come to an end and me and my fiancé FINALLY got out first place together. A home that was falling apart, and illegally made into a duplex. No central a/c or heat. Insulation was probably 0% as well. This was the hardest year for us. It was Texas and Texas is brutal with heat. Shake it off debuted and I desperately tried, I promise. I was so excited for this step in Taylor’s Career and was so excited to see what the next step in my life would need to get through it. Another album to help me deal with unknowing in life and my relationship with my fiancé.

One night at midnight, I had no internet to buy an album not any money for album, let alone food in the house. I stayed up all night waiting for the album to download on YouTube that someone posted. I would buy the album which I did and still have but that night I just needed to hear it. I was up tell 5am. I didn’t know that a week later I was going to need this album more than anything.

We had a fight

The fight.

It was horrible. I sat in the dark in our broken home thinking “this can’t be it” I left to my grandmas house the next day in tears and for a week me and him argued, trying to work it out. I couldn’t understand it. I listened to All you had to do was stay like there wasn’t another song to exist. There was a night that I finally got angry. I formed my entire life around this man. How dare you give up on us so easily? I drove down scared and angry and ready to get my stuff while listening to 1989, trying to calm down but the adrenaline was crazy. I get there and that night we both break down and try to ACTUALLY work things out. I listened to Taylor so much that year. 1989 ended up being a staple. I finally got a job and we found a new apartment together. One where our electricity wasn’t $20 a day and I didn’t have to share my trash can with the neighbors. A completely new beginning and trying to heal after such a hard year. Still engaged after 3 years. We finally are getting on track. I even met some amazing people and finally a swiftie who GET ME! Shake it off came on and work and we looked at each other and I’ll never forget it. I made some great friends that I really needed that year. It’s amazing what can happen in 1 year. They ended up being a bridesmaid in my wedding and makeup artist.

YES I SAID MY WEDDING

06/25/16 we finally made it. I walked down the aisle to your in love.

I couldn’t breathe and the a/c in the church was broken in the summer. He was sweating, my dress hit a lantern twice, we joked at the alter with the crowd. It was personal and real and small. Hectic and stressful too.

You disappeared for awhile after this. I couldn’t believe the existent the media, and some reality stars/ rap singers were taking. I was very angry. I was a little confused even and wasn’t sure of what to think. I knew of all the battles at this point that you already were fighting and then this happened. Another limbo without you happened. I had all your music but you were gone. I’m thankful knowing what I do now and that you ended up ok. Better than ok.

You vented your feeling and brought out reputation!!! Naturally this ended up being the year I had to get rid of any toxic friends that I had. I had some actual good friends and I started to see the difference in what I deserved. It also could also do with my age and growing up but still. On top of that, things still ended up being hard for me and my husband that year. We were seeing each other a lot cause of work and we were becoming distant. There was a temptation I had that I didn’t give in to but it hurt. We ended up deciding that we needed to go. Get out of town and leave. We picked up our important belongings and left in 2 weeks tops.

We moved to Kentucky which made me closer to my mom and helped a lot. My husband moved for us away from his family for us and that was everything in itself. I listened to all of her albums on my 14 hour drive from Texas to Kentucky. I was scared beyond belief and with some bumps in the road. We finally made it.

Fast forward to know and it’s been a year in Kentucky and Lover is out.

Me and my husband have decided to try and start a family. That’s how good this move has been for us. We have a 2 bedroom apartment and 2 fur babies. I love the fall here, and Lover has a special place in my heart just like the others. This year has been very good for me and my husband. I was putting up fall decorations a couple days ago and I teared up at the line “this is our place we make the call” I looked around and it WAS ours. I was decorating while he was laughing at his xbox game. We did it. This era is different. I can’t wait to see what this era will show me.

@taylorswift @taylornation

[maryofone]

Red Flags

Canada Day weekend has me thinking about red flags. Actually I’ve been thinking about them anyway lately. In the past I’ve been reliably terrible at spotting red flags in my relationships, and I’m hoping I’m going to be better at it after the assload of self-actualization I’ve been undergoing the last year or so.

It’s not so much that I haven’t been able to see the red flags, I was just really good at ignoring them.  Knowing where it’s gotten me, it’s actually super fucking crucial that I never ignore another red flag ever again. In the interest of refreshing myself here are some of the flags that I (and really anyone) should keep an eye out for.

Hard takeoff. It’s not a good sign when your relationship begins with drama. Two of my most serious relationships had rocky beginnings. I have no doubt that alcohol played a part in that but regardless of the argument lubricant, both beginnings had legitimate issues out of the gate. And that has to be a bad sign for a relationship. When you consider a solid partnership between two people who have a genuinely inspiring connection – you have to assume that the first few months they’re together were pretty fucking peachy. It just doesn’t make sense that a good partnership begins painfully, awkwardly, or with uncertainty. Honeymoon phases aren’t supposed to make you cry.

Separate plans. Okay so I know that once you’re deep in it with someone, making separate plans will be essential to your happiness, but I’m suspicious of this becoming a habit too early or too frequently. I had one boyfriend who planned a 10-day trip to California in the second month we were dating. His grounds for excluding me were that I didn’t like snowboarding and the trip involved snowboarding, but that felt odd to me. He was supposed to still be obsessed with me in the first two months, no?  Well, no, apparently. And the boyfriend before him forced me to make separate plans for fucking years. It’s not that I didn’t want to include him, I just eventually gave up after it became clear that he had very little interest in the people I like to see and the things I like to do. Then this other guy I dated would plan trips and not even tell me. That flag was basically on fire.  

Failing the friend test. All of my boyfriends have failed the friend test. It’s been the most consistent red flag across the board. The tricky thing about friends disliking your boyfriend is that they don’t always come out and tell you. In fact most of them won’t. One of the hardest things in the world is to tell your friend that you don’t like the person they’re dating, so over the years my friends have often kept their opinions to themselves. But a) I can read my friends better than anyone so they don’t have to admit they hate my boyfriend for me to know that they do; and b) I’ve now experienced what happens when friends are honest about hating my boyfriend and it is so fucking good for me that I insist every last one of them be brutally honest with me regarding my romantic choices, henceforth. If anyone knows what kind of guy would really make me happy, it’s them. If I ever date a shitty guy again I don’t want my friends to wave a red flag at me, I want them to spin it up and whip my ass with the end of it.

Based on my experience these are the three biggest flags I need to watch for, but more than these specific issues, the biggest flag of all is just a feeling I get. A red feeling, let’s say. It’s a feeling I’ve experienced in every one of my significant relationships, and it’s not a good one. In each relationship I’ve had this moment where he and I will be hanging out together, and all at once my entire body, every ounce, every inch, every molecule just fills to the brim with NO. Whether he just said something stupid or I suddenly feel desperately bored with our existence together… I am just fucking repulsed by him. For any Arrested Development fans reading this, it’s my “I’ve made a huge mistake” moment. And historically, bafflingly, I’ve been able to cram that feeling into some tiny little drawer in my heart, and continue praying that this relationship will work out, until it inevitably crumbles to pieces. So THAT’s the feeling I need to watch for. The flags I’m not so worried about.  

[aion-rsa]

Shameless Season 11 Episode 1 Review: This is Chicago!

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This Shameless review contains spoilers.

Shameless Season 11 Episode 1

“The Gallaghers built Chicago single-handedly…”

The final season of Shameless begins with an introduction that’s the most stylized that the show’s ever been and it almost feels out of place for the this series. Frank narrates over austere newsreel footage of Chicago’s history, which gradually devolves into the slovenly nature that is more Shameless’ speed. Frank’s Zelig-like revisionist take on the city illustrates how Gallaghers have been involved with every important event that shaped Chicago, whether it’s the takedown of Capone or the Trial of the Chicago Seven (which would have been the Chicago Eight if Frank were also apprehended, he contends). It’s a fun and harmless sequence that’s the most playful that Shameless has been in years. 

The premiere’s flashy introduction is justified through the flimsy conceit of a documentary that’s being made on Chicago’s changes, but it speaks to the larger theme of this premiere—and likely this season—that the Gallaghers are the embodiment of Chicago. A reasonable question to ask as Shameless starts to come to a close is what sort of legacy have these characters left behind in their city and if they’re able to survive if the Southside collapses. The Gallaghers are a versatile bunch, but “This is Chicago!” is just as much a celebration of Chicago’s ability to endure as it is about the Gallaghers’.

2020 will be looked back on as a perplexing year for television as many series incorporate the events of the COVID-19 pandemic into storylines to contrasting degrees of success. Most of these efforts have been very awkward and manage to distract from what’s actually important in these shows. It’s bittersweet that Shameless’ final season is so heavily influenced by the current changes in the world, but it also oddly feels appropriate.

Shameless has constantly been interested in the disenfranchised and the people that have been not only ignored, but also consciously erased from society. This season’s focus on COVID may hit too close to home for some in what’s supposed to be escapist entertainment, but it’d honestly feel disingenuous if it weren’t touched on in Shameless. It also only exacerbates the existing stresses that were present for these characters and they’d reach these places even without the presence of a pandemic, it just might have taken longer. 

Shameless is typically at its best when the Gallaghers are all together and last season’s finale embraced that energy. The circumstances around the pandemic could naturally produce opportunities for this cast to be around each other, but “This is Chicago!” takes the opposite approach. The entire cast is basically segregated to their own islands as they handle their individual stresses. The premiere feels a little chaotic as it bounces around from one socially distanced storyline to another. Despite how most of the Gallaghers still live in the same house, there’s barely any overlap between the characters. The one exception is the episode’s ending, but that only accentuates how much more alive the series is when everyone’s together.

It may also seem a little pedantic to complain over Fiona after she’s left the series, but considering this premiere has baked COVID into its premise it wouldn’t have been ridiculous for some Gallagher to at least reference how she’s been doing during all of this. Just a snide aside about how she didn’t return to Chicago would have sufficed. Shameless has always made family its priority. During a time when many families have been strained, either through proximity or distance, it doesn’t seem unreasonable to expect some update on Fiona. Maybe she’ll get mentioned later in the season.

“This is Chicago!” jumps all over the place with its many disparate storylines, but they all do become unified in the sense that everyone’s actions are a response to how COVID has affected different pillars of Chicago. Shameless likes to maintain a broad tone, but it’s still often guilty of manipulative melodrama and leaving its characters in pain. Last season’s finale has Ian and Mickey at their absolute happiest, but now that luster has already worn off. Their biggest issue is that Mickey doesn’t understand how to think as a unit or put an equal amount into their marriage as Ian, which feels appropriate for their characters. However, it’s also interesting to see how Shameless depicts the effects of the pandemic on a newlywed couple and how it can suck out that honeymoon phase. 

It’s already interesting to see how this season juxtaposes Ian and Mickey’s relationship with Lip and Tami’s stresses. On that note, Lip and Tami are also on shaky ground as they struggle to find emotional equality. Lip makes repeated concessions that may seem innocuous, but are definitely building to a larger problem. Shameless often has the Gallaghers suffer in silence, which is why it makes such a big difference that Lip and Ian are able to briefly get together and open up about their relationships. These two are going through such similar problems and they’ve been able to lean on each other in the past for advice. It’s not a long scene, but it’s invaluable and hopefully these two will turn to each other more this year. 

Shameless has tackled mature and prescient topics in the past and the show’s most recent seasons have featured the military and police in a larger capacity thanks to Carl’s trajectory. That being said, I wasn’t expecting Shameless to engage in a conversation about defunding the police and excessive brutality, but it’s another development that feels natural based on what the show has previously explored. 

Carl’s growth into a competent and productive member of society has been one of the most satisfying arcs of Shameless’ recent seasons. Carl continues to thrive in the police force, but it’s the force itself that becomes the problem as they try to mold Carl into a corrupt and problematic cop. This is handled with zero subtlety and whenever Carl pushes back with proper values he’s greeted with more egregious protocol. Carl’s repeatedly done the right thing in the past when placed in a similar moral quandary, so it’s difficult to watch him get pushed down the wrong path here. Whether he fights the system from within, leaves it behind entirely, or ends up with compromised values could all lead to powerful material for Carl if properly handled.   

Carl ascends with the police force, but Debbie struggles with being on the opposite end of the law when her new status as a sex offender impedes her work. This is the storyline that I was least excited for Shameless to resume this season and within the span of one episode it’s already turned statutory rape into a frequent punchline and taboo bedroom fodder. Debbie weaponizing all of this to gain an advantage with her new business is super gross, but it’s far from the worst thing that she’s ever done. This story may hurt the season, but at least the image of Frannie bedazzling Debbie’s ankle monitor is 100% pure Shameless.

The rest of the premiere continues to provide an open discourse on citywide topics like the perpetual closing and opening of schools and bars as well as trends like socially distanced weddings. It’s no different than the usual banter that fills the Alibi and it helps flesh out some of the episode’s weaker material, like how V and Kevin have shifted their priorities into Chicago’s legal marijuana scene (along with the help of their children). The moment where Kermit and Tommy get so high that they hook up also makes zero sense, but the Alibi Room has never been an Algonquin Round Table of logic.

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“This is Chicago!” starts the final season of Shameless on a busy note that’s bogged down just by how much ground that it has to cover. The presence of COVID is heavy in this premiere, but this still feels like standard Shameless, for both better and for worse. Many American dramas don’t last for eleven seasons and even then it’s rare that the later seasons can recapture the magic of the glory years.

Shameless isn’t on life support and it still has a lot of love for these characters. Most importantly, it feels like this final season wants to do them all justice rather than just have them hobble past the finish line. COVID-19 has taken both the world and Shameless by surprise, but it’s pushed the Gallaghers to grow, become stronger, and prove that they’re the Southside’s most persistent cockroaches, which is exactly what this show’s swan song should be about.

The post Shameless Season 11 Episode 1 Review: This is Chicago! appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[miss-pettigrew]

I know I’ve had a few posts about this last chapter already, and with the last one dealing with fun things like rape consent, i did want to give some shoutouts to some things I REALLY liked about this chapter and why I’m prettttty stoked about S3.

1. Seungbae is now a free agent. 

Like we all knew this dude was a shitty cop which made for a interesting but limited dynamic as a “antagonist” for Sangwoo (and Bum). But now that he’s no longer tied by the law, there is no way he’s going to let this situation go. If anything I imagine him becoming more and more obsessed (especially with Sangwoo and Bum personally) as he attempt to exact his own form of justice. I’m reaaaaally looking forward to that. 

2. Sangwoo and Bum’s relationship

Yes this chapter was tough to read. We as an audience have been bracing ourselves for their first penetrative sex scene and it went more or less how most of us expected. But I think there are some truly interesting undercurrents that are fascinating and I honestly find it thrilling and I cannot wait to see what is going to happen.

For example, focusing on this chapter alone downplays how much of a force of nature Bum is becoming. 

I thought back to basically this entire season and how their relationship has developed and Bum is not nearly as helpless as he was S1. And it’s fascinating. Just a few chapters ago, we literally watched as Sangwoo’s grip on reality begin to crumble as soon as Bum was “gone.”

And the way Bum, despite being brutally raped still managed to turn the dynamic around enough that he still made Sangwoo nearly afraid of the effect Bum has on him.

Up until now I’ve not been a super big fan of Bum. He’s not a good person. But he is a victim and I sympathize with him and I especially cannot handle how he’s physically treated by literally everyone. But fuck, this chapter made me realize that Bum is NOT helpless. He’s not. He’s actually insanely perseverant- not manipulative, he’s resilient and focused. 

But to hold enough power of Sangwoo that he’s able to literally make him cum by the way he says his name, like hot damn. Get me some of that.

To be a little corny about it, no matter how much Sangwoo likes to beat, bruise and break Bum’s skin, Bum is still the one who’s managing to get under Sangwoo’s.

I love it? I would love to see Bum become more and more aware of how much power he does have over Sangwoo. And I honestly think he does know, to an extent. GIVE ME MOOOOORE.

3. WTF is going to happen next

Bum and Sangwoo are now in their most interesting dynamic by far. Seungbae is finally set up to be a proper antagonist. We have the uncle threads still hanging loose. We have Sangwoo’s next inevitable victim.

Like, not to be too crass, but you know when you start a relationship with someone new and you sleep with them and that’s ALL you want to do for a good chunk of time like this is a GD “honeymoon” phase of an arc. I’m curious if that’s what is going to happen for them.

Like, we saw how smug and turned on Sangwoo looked for half of this chapter. But that last frame of him is SO GOOD because he knows what an effect Bum has on him and that he’s NOT in control it’s just so good and I feel like this has been my favorite chapter since the last time I said it was my favorite chapter.

Stoked that we have a little bit of time to recover from this and allow Koogi time to get herself all caught up. I’d rather she take a longer hiatus in between seasons and less breaks throughout the season. Until then, let’s be excited about official art (which we’ve already seen some!).

I really do miss the intrigue of previous stories arcs (like the man from the bar and even the chapter when Bum tried to escape). Fingers crossed we see some of that soon.