#I feel like half the stuff I wrote is gonna scare people

[whosscruffylooking]

Open Arms Chapter Four

steve harrington x fem! reader Open Arms Masterlist word count: 6.3k ~1984~

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Later that evening, Steve finds himself pacing the length of his living room, running a hand through his hair for what feels like the hundredth time. The silence of the house is unbearable, filled with his swirling thoughts and unanswered questions. He doesn’t know what to do, and the frustration of it all is starting to feel like too much.

Finally, he grabs his keys and heads out the door. He doesn’t have a plan, but somehow, his feet lead him to Dustin’s house. If there’s anyone who might have an answer—or at least say something that could make sense of this mess—it’s the kid who seems to know way too much about life for his age.

When Dustin opens the door, he’s holding a partially dismantled walkie-talkie and wearing a look of mild confusion. “Steve? What are you doing here? And…why didn’t you drive your car?”

“I need to talk to you,” Steve blurts out, stepping inside without waiting for an invitation. He sinks into the nearest chair, his head dropping into his hands. “It’s about Y/N.”

Dustin’s eyes widen, and he immediately shuts the door, tossing the walkie onto a nearby table. “Oh man, this is gonna be good. Spill.”

Steve hesitates, unsure how to even start. “I don’t know what to do. Last night, things… things got intense, and I thought we had this moment, you know? Like, we finally said what we’ve been too scared to say for years. But now she’s pulling back, and I don’t know if I should—” He stops, rubbing the back of his neck. “I don’t know if I should keep pushing or just… leave it alone.”

Dustin crosses his arms, tilting his head as he considers Steve’s words. “Okay, first of all, what exactly did you say? Because if you half-assed it, that’s on you.”

Steve groans, leaning back against the chair. “I didn’t half-ass it. I told her she’s my whole world. That I couldn’t survive if something happened to her. I meant every word.”

“Okay, cool. So you laid it all out there,” Dustin says, nodding approvingly. “And now she’s avoiding you?”

“Pretty much.”

Dustin shrugs. “She’s probably just freaking out. I mean, think about it, Steve. Last night was crazy. People don’t just process stuff like that overnight. Plus, she’s probably wondering if you meant it or if it was, like, adrenaline talking.”

“I did mean it,” Steve says quickly, his voice firm.

“I know that, and you know that, but does she?” Dustin points out, raising an eyebrow. “You’re gonna have to prove it.”

“How?”

Dustin smirks. “By being the guy she already knows you are. You’ve been in love with her for years, right? So don’t stop now. Show her you meant what you said. Don’t let her run away just because she’s scared.”

Steve leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he takes in Dustin’s words. “And what if I push too hard and just end up making it worse?”

“Steve,” Dustin says, his tone surprisingly serious. “The only way you’re gonna make it worse is if you give up. She’s worth it, right?”

Steve doesn’t hesitate. “Yeah. She’s worth it.”

“Then stop overthinking it and just… be there for her. Give her time, but don’t let her forget you meant every word.”

Steve nods slowly, Dustin’s advice sinking in. Maybe the kid’s right. Maybe it’s not about pushing or pulling back—it’s about being steady, being there, and letting her see that his feelings aren’t going anywhere.

“Don’t let her forget I meant every word,” Steve takes a mental note. “Thanks kid.”

“Anytime, big guy,” Dustin replies, grinning. “But, uh, maybe next time, bring snacks. We’ve got brainstorming to do and we’re doing it on an empty stomach.”

The kid pulls out a notebook and begins scribbling ideas into it. 

Steve leans back in Dustin’s chair, arms crossed as his mind drifts, until he blurts out, “I wrote her a note once.”

Dustin freezes mid-sentence. “A note?”

“Yeah,” Steve says, rubbing the back of his neck. “Back in ninth grade. It was, like, this stupid thing where I wrote down all the stuff I… liked about her.”

Dustin’s pen drops onto the desk, and he swivels around in his chair to face Steve, his expression somewhere between shock and delight. “Hold up. You wrote an actual love note, and you’ve just been sitting on this information? What did it say?”

“I don’t remember,” Steve lies, avoiding Dustin’s eyes.

“Bull,” Dustin says, narrowing his gaze. “You remember every word, don’t you?”

Steve sighs, defeated. “Okay, fine. I remember some of it. But it doesn’t matter because I never gave it to her.”

“You still have it?” Dustin asks, leaning forward like he’s about to discover buried treasure.

“I think so,” Steve mutters. “It’s probably in some box in my closet or something.”

Dustin practically leaps out of his chair. “We’re going to your house. Right now.”

“No way,” Steve says, shaking his head.

“Steve,” Dustin says, crossing his arms and giving him a look that’s far too confident for a 13-year-old. “This note could be the key to unlocking her heart. You’re always telling me to take risks and go after what I want, so why don’t you take your own advice for once?”

Steve pinches the bridge of his nose. “Fine, but only if you agree to stop badgering me about it.”

Dustin smirks. “And?”

“And,” Steve adds, “I’ll help you prepare for the winter formal.”

“Sold!” Dustin says, already grabbing his coat.

They rummage through Steve’s closet for nearly half an hour, tossing aside old yearbooks, basketball trophies, and forgotten sneakers, until Dustin shouts, “Found it!”

He holds up a folded piece of paper, yellowed slightly with age, and waves it triumphantly.

Steve snatches it from him, his face already burning. “Give me that.”

“Absolutely not,” Dustin says, dodging out of reach. “This is a historical document. It belongs in a museum!”

“Dustin, I swear—”

“Relax,” Dustin says, finally unfolding the note. He scans the page, his smirk slowly fading as he reads. “Dude,” he says quietly, glancing up at Steve. “This is… actually kind of sweet. ‘The way you always sticks up for people, even when you’re intimidated.’”

Steve shrugs, avoiding Dustin’s gaze. “Yeah, well…”

“‘Or how you always get mad when I cheat at Monopoly,’” Dustin’s voice softens. “That’s… wow, man.”

Steve shifts uncomfortably. “Can we not make a big deal out of this?”

Dustin keeps reading. “‘The way you bite your lip when you’re thinking too hard.’”

“Okay, now you’re just embarrassing me,” Steve mutters, trying to grab the note again.

But then Dustin freezes, his eyes widening as he reads a particular line. A slow grin spreads across his face. “Oh my God.”

“What?” Steve asks, suddenly nervous.

“‘The dream I had about you in that red bathing suit….” his eyes gleaming with mischief. “What dream, Harrington?”

Steve’s face turns beet red. “Nope. Not happening.”

“Was it romantic? Or… did you have to wake up in the middle of the night to take a shower after?” Dustin teases, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Dustin, I swear, if you—”

“Does she know about this dream?!”

Steve grabs the note and crumples it in his fist. “Forget you ever read that.”

But Dustin is already cackling, doubling over with laughter. “Oh, this is too good. You had a secret ninth-grade fantasy about her, and now you’re still pining after her? Man, you’re pathetic!”

Steve groans, running a hand down his face. “Why do I even talk to you?”

“Because I’m your only hope,” Dustin says, still laughing as he throws an arm over Steve’s shoulder. “Now, let’s go use this note to win her over. Minus the dream part, obviously. Unless you want to make things really interesting.”

Steve sighs, shaking his head but unable to keep the small smile off his face. “I’m so going to regret this.”

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Steve grips the steering wheel a little tighter, his knuckles turning white as Dustin leans over from the passenger seat with that insufferable grin plastered on his face.

“You realize the more you avoid it, the worse it sounds, right? Like, was this dream so scandalous it could ruin your life?”

Steve groans, rolling his eyes as he pulls up to a stoplight. “No, it wasn’t scandalous. It was… Look, it’s none of your business.”

Dustin leans closer, his grin widening, “Was it one of those superhero moments where she saved you from drowning?” He pauses dramatically, tapping his chin. “Actually, no—let me guess. You were the one saving her…chest compressions, mouth to mouth.”

Steve nearly chokes on his own breath, his hand slamming against the wheel. “Dustin, I swear—”

“Oh my God,” Dustin cuts him off, gasping in mock realization. “Was it one of those dreams? Like, she’s there in slow motion, water dripping off her, and you’re there rubbing tanning oil all over her body?”

“Cut it out, Henderson!” Steve snaps, his ears burning.

Dustin smirks, leaning back in his seat. “Man, you’re so red right now. It must’ve been some dream.”

“You seriously need a hobby.”

“This is my hobby,” Dustin says proudly. “Now, tell me about the dream, or I’ll tell her there’s a dream.”

“You wouldn’t,” Steve says, eyes narrowing as the light turns green. He presses the gas a little harder than necessary.

“Oh, I absolutely would,” Dustin replies, grinning ear to ear. “She’d love to know how much you’ve been thinking about her—dream Steve and all.”

“Fine!” Steve shouts, throwing one hand in the air. “It wasn’t even that bad! It was just… we were at the pool at my house, and she was… laughing, okay? It wasn’t some weird thing. It was just her, and she was happy, and it stuck with me. End of story.”

Dustin blinks at him, unimpressed. “That’s it?”

“Yeah, that’s it,” Steve says firmly.

Dustin leans back, letting the silence hang for a moment. “You’re the lamest romantic I’ve ever met.”

Steve sighs in relief. “Thank you.”

“But I’m still going to tell her about it.”

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The next afternoon, you sit cross-legged on your bed, staring at your phone and chewing on your bottom lip. Inviting Nancy Wheeler over wasn’t exactly something you’d planned on doing in this lifetime. You’d always been friendly enough, sure, but hanging out one-on-one? Never happened. Still, if there’s anyone who might understand what you’re going through, it’s her.

When Nancy arrives, she hesitates in the doorway, tilting her head curiously. “Hey,” she says, giving you a small, cautious smile. “This is… unexpected.”

“I know,” you admit, stepping aside to let her in. “It’s weird, right? Me, asking you over. But I—well, I need some advice. About Steve.”

Her brows shoot up, and she gives a small laugh of surprise. “Steve?”

You nod quickly, leading her to your room. “Yeah, and before you say anything, I know it’s probably strange. I mean, he’s my best friend, so I should probably know how to handle this myself, but…” You flop onto the bed with a groan, running a hand through your hair. “I just—I feel like I need a different perspective. And you probably know him better than anyone else—aside from me, of course.”

Nancy sits at the edge of the bed, folding her hands in her lap as she listens. “Okay,” she says slowly, her tone thoughtful. “What’s going on?”

You exhale sharply, tugging at the hem of your sweater. “The other night, during all the chaos, Steve said some things. Big things. About… how he feels about me.”

Nancy blinks, her expression unreadable as she processes your words. “What kind of things?”

“Like… intense things. Like, ‘You’re my whole world,’ kind of things.” You let out a nervous laugh. “And now I don’t know what to do with it. What if it was just the adrenaline talking? What if he doesn’t really mean it?”

Nancy leans back slightly, tilting her head. “Why would you think he didn’t mean it?”

You shrug helplessly. “Because… it’s Steve. He’s been in love with you before. He’s dated other girls. What if I’m just… another phase? Or worse, what if this ruins everything between us?”

Nancy softens, a small smile forming on her lips. “Steve doesn’t really do phases. Sure, he’s dated other people, but he’s never looked at anyone the way he looks at you.”

You blink, her words catching you off guard. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that even when we were together, it was obvious how much you meant to him. He talks about you like you hung the stars, Y/N. And I know you’ve been there for him in ways I never could be.” Nancy pauses, then adds gently, “But this isn’t about me. It’s about you. What do you want to happen?”

You hesitate, your cheeks warming as memories of that night with Steve flash through your mind. You almost tell her—that one time, late at night, when things between you and Steve had finally boiled over. When you’d crossed a line that had been hovering between you for years. But instead of making things clearer, it had only complicated everything. And you’d been the one to say it: We should just stay friends.

You stop yourself before the words can escape and opt for something safer. “One time, we… broached the topic of maybe having feelings for each other. But I was the one who shut it down. I was scared of losing him, and I told him it’d be better if we stayed friends.”

Nancy nods slowly, her gaze thoughtful. “And do you still feel that way?”

Your throat tightens, and you struggle to find the words. “I just… I’ve always loved Steve. Not just as my best friend, but more than that. But I never thought he’d see me that way, you know? And now that he’s said this, I don’t know if I can let myself believe it.”

Nancy offers a small smile, her voice steady. “If Steve said it, he meant it. He doesn’t just throw those words around, especially not with you. But I get why you’re scared. It’s a big leap, and there’s a lot at stake. I guess the question is—do you trust him enough to take that leap?”

You sit in silence for a moment, her words sinking in. Finally, you let out a shaky breath. “I want to trust him. I just don’t want to lose him.”

Nancy stands up, grabbing her bag. “I don’t think you’re going to lose him. But you’re never going to know unless you talk to him. Steve’s stubborn, but he’s also patient. He’ll wait until you’re ready.”

You follow her to the door, her words echoing in your mind. “Thanks, Nancy,” you say quietly. “I needed that.”

She offers you a knowing smile. “Anytime. And Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re not just his best friend. You’re his person. Don’t forget that.”

 Nancy’s words settle into the air, and a pang of guilt twists in your chest. You sit back on your bed, nervously picking at the frayed threads of your sweater.

“Nancy,” you start, your voice quieter than before. “Can I ask you something? And you can be honest, okay?”

She tilts her head, curiosity flickering in her eyes. “Of course.”

You take a deep breath, feeling the weight of what you’re about to say. “Did I… ever make things harder for you and Steve? When you two were together?”

Nancy looks surprised for a moment, but she recovers quickly, shaking her head. “What? No. Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know,” you admit, guilt gnawing at you. “It’s just… he was my best friend, you know? And I guess I always worried that maybe—maybe I got in the way. Like, maybe my relationship with him made things weird or caused tension between you two. Every other girl broke up with him and blamed me.” 

Nancy’s expression softens, and she sits down beside you on the bed. “Y/N, listen to me. Whatever issues Steve and I had, they weren’t because of you. It’s on Steve and I. It’s on me. And, honestly… I’ve felt bad about it for a long time.”

You glance at her, your brows furrowing. “What do you mean?”

Nancy exhales deeply, brushing a hand through her hair as she glances at you, her expression tinged with guilt. “I guess I should just say it,” she starts hesitantly. “Everything that happened at Murray’s last week… it wasn’t exactly planned. But it also wasn’t some spur-of-the-moment thing, either.”

You blink, confused for a moment before realization dawns. “You mean… when you were with Jonathan?”

Nancy nods, her cheeks flushing slightly. “Yeah. I feel awful about it, especially because—well, Steve and I weren’t officially broken up yet. We were in this weird place, like we both knew things were falling apart, but we hadn’t said it out loud. And then…” She pauses, guilt flickering in her eyes. “I said some things I can’t take back.”

You hesitate, “Steve…kind of hinted that you did.”

She sighs, dropping her gaze. “I told him I didn’t love him. Not really. And I was drunk, so I just blurted it out. And after that, I… I slept with Jonathan when we were at Murray’s.”

Her voice is heavy with regret, and for a moment, you’re unsure of how to respond. She looks at you again, her eyes searching yours. “I hate that I hurt Steve like that, but honestly? After everything with Barb and Will last year, I waited. For a whole month, I waited for Jonathan to make a move, to say something, to give me some kind of sign. But he didn’t. And when he didn’t… I went back to Steve.”

You frown slightly, the pieces of their complicated history falling into place. “So, you and Steve…”

Nancy nods. “We weren’t perfect, not by a long shot, but it felt safe. Familiar. Like maybe if I tried hard enough, I could make it work. But deep down, I think I always knew it wasn’t going to last.”

Her words leave you quiet, a strange mix of emotions swirling in your chest. “Do you think he… knows how you felt?”

“I think he does now,” she admits softly. “After everything that happened last week, I think we both finally faced the truth. We weren’t holding onto each other because we were in love. We were holding on because it was easier than letting go.”

Her honesty feels like a weight lifted, and yet it also leaves you with a strange pang of guilt. “Nancy, I never meant to… I don’t know, make things harder for you two.”

She shakes her head quickly. “You didn’t. Trust me, Y/N, you were never the problem. If anything, I think you were part of what kept Steve grounded when everything else was falling apart.”

You open your mouth to argue, but she cuts you off, her tone firm. “Listen. Whatever happened between Steve and me, it was on us. You’ve always been his best friend. And honestly? You were what he needed—what he always needed. Don’t feel guilty about that.”

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Nancy pulls into the driveway of her house just as she spots Steve’s unmistakable car parked at the curb. She furrows her brow, stepping out of her car as Steve gets out of his.

“What are you doing here?” she asks, crossing her arms.

Steve jerks a thumb toward the passenger side of his car, where Dustin is already halfway out, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “Dropping off the little twerp,” he says, his tone teasing.

“Hey!” Dustin protests, shooting a glare at Steve before turning to Nancy. “Don’t let him fool you—he’s practically begging for my advice every time we hang out now.”

Steve rolls his eyes. “Get inside, Henderson.”

Dustin smirks but doesn’t argue, heading toward the front door. As he disappears inside, Nancy tilts her head at Steve, her curiosity piqued.

“So,” she says, leaning casually against her car, “what’s really going on?”

Steve shifts uncomfortably, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets. “What makes you think anything’s going on?”

Nancy raises an eyebrow, giving him a knowing look. “Because I just came from Y/N’s house.”

Steve stiffens, his expression guarded. “Yeah? And?”

“And,” Nancy says slowly, “she’s… confused. But in a good way. If that makes sense.”

Steve lets out a bitter laugh. “Confused. Right. That’s one way to put it.”

Nancy frowns. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means she’s the one pulling away,” Steve says, frustration creeping into his voice. “And it’s not the first time, either. Every time things get close—too close—she just… runs. Like I don’t mean enough for her to stay.”

Nancy crosses her arms, her expression softening. “Steve, that’s not fair.”

“Isn’t it?” he snaps, before immediately sighing and running a hand through his hair. “Sorry. I just… I don’t get it. I put myself out there, and she shuts down. What am I supposed to do with that?”

Nancy steps closer, her tone firm but gentle. “You’re supposed to remember that Y/N’s been through a lot. She’s not pulling away because you don’t mean enough—she’s pulling away because you mean too much, and it terrifies her. You know that.”

Steve leans back against his car, his jaw tightening. “I’m tired of being the one who’s always chasing, Nancy.”

“I get that,” she says softly. “But you’re not exactly easy for her, either. You think it’s been simple for her to figure out where she fits into your life? Especially with… everything that’s happened?”

Steve looks at her, his frustration giving way to something more vulnerable.

Nancy sighs, her voice softening. “Steve, she cares about you. So much. But she’s scared—of hurting you, of getting hurt, of all of it. You’re both trying to protect each other in the most backward ways possible.”

Steve looks down at the pavement, her words sinking in.

“You know her better than anyone,” Nancy continues. “If you really care about her—and I know you do—you’ll be patient. She needs that from you right now, even if she doesn’t know how to say it.”

Steve nods slowly, a flicker of understanding in his eyes. “And if she keeps running?”

Nancy smirks faintly. “Then you stop chasing her like some knight in shining armor and just be her friend. Show her you’re not going anywhere. That’s what she really needs.”

Steve exhales, the tension in his shoulders easing just a bit. “You really think I have a shot?”

Nancy nods firmly. “I do. But you’re going to have to stop letting your ego get in the way and start listening to her.”

Steve offers a small smile. “Thanks, Wheeler. You’re not half-bad at this advice thing.”

Nancy chuckles, stepping back toward her car. “Don’t let it go to your head, Harrington. Now, go figure it out.”

Steve watches her head inside before climbing back into his car, her words still echoing in his mind. For the first time in a while, he feels like maybe he has a chance.

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Steve stands on the porch, his hand hesitating over the doorbell, unsure if he’s doing the right thing. Every nerve in his body is telling him to turn around, to give you the space you’ve been demanding, but something in him refuses to walk away. Not this time.

He knocks. A soft, quiet sound that somehow feels louder than it should be. He waits, but when the door finally creaks open, he’s not sure what he’s expecting. There you are, your eyes red, face blotchy, but it’s the exhaustion in your expression that hits him hardest. Like you’ve been carrying the weight of the world, and he hasn’t been there to help you with it.

You stare at him for a long beat, silent. Then, your eyes flicker away, and you step aside, almost reluctantly, like you want to pull away but can’t quite make yourself do it.

Steve steps into the dim hallway, pausing for a moment before looking at you again, his voice shaky as he finally speaks. “We’re good,” he says, the words feeling foreign on his tongue now. He calls to mind what he told you the other night, the words that had earned him a response from you that felt so much more promising than this silence between you now.

You look away, a small, almost imperceptible shake of your head. He swallows hard, the rawness of what he’s saying clawing at him. “Look, we don’t have to talk about it, okay?” he mutters, stepping closer, but careful not to push you. “I just need to be with you tonight. Like we used to. Listening to Queen, being there for each other. We’ve been through so much the past few days, so much we haven’t even—”

He cuts himself off, his voice trailing off in the heavy silence that fills the space between you. He wants to say more, wants to explain how terrified he is that he’s losing you, how much he’s been aching in this silence, but the words catch in his chest, too painful to speak aloud.

Your gaze softens for just a second, but it’s fleeting, and when you look at him again, there’s a distance that wasn’t there before. The ache in Steve’s chest grows sharper, but he doesn’t move. He’s here now. He’s not leaving.

With a sigh, you slowly nod, and it’s the smallest of gestures, but it feels like a concession, like you’re letting him in even though you’re not sure you should.

Steve steps past you, the weight of the moment pressing down on him. He doesn’t know how this will play out, or what the next day will bring. But tonight, for a few hours, he wants to hold onto the part of you he still knows. Maybe tomorrow he’ll figure out what to do with the mess that’s left between you. But for now, he just wants to be there.

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You lay on the bed, your eyes tracing the familiar cracks in the ceiling as silent tears slip down your face. The weight of everything—the words, the feelings, the confusion—presses down on you in a way you can’t escape. You’re torn between wanting to stay close to Steve, to believe that there’s something real between you, and the fear that maybe all of this is just a result of the chaos surrounding you.

Steve lays next to you, the soft hum of the record player filling the room, but the silence between you is thick and suffocating. Neither of you speaks. Both of you are lost in your thoughts, drowning in the unspoken tension that’s become impossible to ignore.

After a long, painful silence, you reach out, your hand trembling as you pick up a crumpled-up note from the bed beside you. It’s a familiar weight, one that you’d hidden for years, and now it feels like the only thing you can offer him. You hand Steve the crumpled letter. Your fingers linger for a second before letting go, your voice barely above a whisper.

“Read it when you get home, okay?”

Steve hesitates, glancing between the letter and you. “Are you sure?”

You nod, eyes fixed on the ceiling, unable to meet his gaze. “Just… not here. Please.”

He doesn’t push, sensing the fragility of the moment. Instead, he tucks the letter carefully into his jacket pocket and lays back beside you, the weight of unspoken words thick in the air. For the rest of the night, neither of you speaks, the silence both comforting and charged.

When it’s time for him to leave, Steve rises quietly, his steps deliberate and slow. He pauses at the door, glancing back at you one last time, curled up under the covers, your face turned away. He reaches into his jacket, pulling out a folded piece of paper—the note he found with Dustin.

Without a word, he places it on your dresser, hidden just enough for you to find it later, and slips out of the room.

As the door clicks shut, you close your eyes, the heaviness of the night settling over you. Little do you know, the words Steve left behind are waiting to change everything.

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Steve steps into his darkened house, the familiar silence pressing in around him. Tossing his keys onto the kitchen counter, he pulls the crumpled letter from his pocket and unfolds it carefully, smoothing the creases as if the words might slip away if he isn’t gentle enough.

The handwriting is unmistakably yours—slightly slanted, the ink smudged in places. His chest tightens before he even reads the first word, the weight of what this letter might hold hitting him like a freight train.

Dear Steve,

I’m not sure I should even be writing this. Maybe I won’t even give it to you. Do you remember in the fifth grade when you asked me to marry you? I told you boys were gross and I’d never marry one. Later that night, you climbed the tree outside my window for the first time and knocked on the glass to propose again. You said your mom had told you about Romeo and Juliet, and how Romeo climbed up to her window because he loved her. You promised you’d never stop climbing my window until I said yes because you loved me.

As his eyes scan the page, memories flash through his mind like a reel of film. A small smile tugs at his lips, bittersweet and nostalgic. He does remember. He remembers the way you rolled your eyes at him, how he’s never stopped climbing that tree outside your window and he never will.

A year later, when we were twelve, some kids in our class started talking about kissing, and everyone thought it was gross. So we tried it. We both liked it. A lot. I think that’s because we liked each other. 

His breath catches. He’s suddenly back in that moment—young, nervous, and exhilarated. He remembers the way your laughter had bubbled up after, the way you had looked at him like he was the only person in the world.

Here’s where the problem is, Steve—I don’t think I ever stopped liking you.

Steve swallows hard, his fingers gripping the edge of the paper as his heart pounds in his chest. He reads the words again, slower this time, as if savoring them will make them feel less surreal.

I didn’t fully realize it at first. Sure, I’ve had crushes on other boys, but none of them made me feel the way you do. You’re the one I actually enjoy spending time with. When Mom and Dad fight, she always tells me that if I ever get married, I need to marry someone who’s my friend first. She says the key to a happy relationship is falling in love with your best friend. (I still think marriage is kind of gross, and boys are too. You’re just the least gross, I guess.) And, well… you’re my best friend.

Sometimes I think about being an adult with you—no school, just us. We could listen to music and watch movies all day long. We could kiss whenever we wanted to. (I’ve wanted to kiss you again for a while now, but you’ve been kissing Julie from science class, and I don’t want it to feel like I’m kissing her by kissing you.) Honestly, I’d love to just laugh with you for the rest of my life.

A soft, shaky laugh escapes him, but it’s lined with something deeper—regret, maybe, or longing. He presses a hand to his face, trying to process the flood of emotions washing over him.

The letter feels like a window into a version of you he never fully understood, a version that had been hiding in plain sight all along. You had felt this way for so long, and he had been so blind to it, too caught up in his own confusion and fears to notice.

You’re always telling me how much I annoy you because I can never pick a favorite anything. But the truth is, I do have a favorite—and it’s you.

You’re my favorite person. My favorite way to spend a late night at Lover’s Lake. My favorite pair of eyes to get lost in when we’re hiding under the covers, trying not to get caught after you’ve snuck in. My favorite arms to wrap around me. My favorite voice.

You’re all my favorites.

Okay, I’m grossing myself out now, so I’m going to stop writing. But I guess… I hope I fall in love with you. And maybe one day you’ll feel the same. I think I’d like that a lot.

Y/N

As he reads the final lines—You’re my favorite person… You’re all of my favorites—he feels something inside him crack open.

“Jesus, Y/N,” he murmurs, his voice barely audible in the empty room.

He sets the letter down on the counter, staring at it as if it might disappear. A lump rises in his throat, and he swipes at his eyes quickly, irritated at himself for being this emotional.

But he can’t help it. The words you wrote, the vulnerability you had poured into them—it’s everything he’s ever wanted to hear and everything he’s terrified of.

Grabbing the letter, he folds it carefully and tucks it back into his pocket, a newfound determination lighting his eyes.

⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆

You stand in front of the mirror, smoothing out your dress for the winter ball. It feels strange dressing up for an event that’s not even about you—but the kids deserve this, and chaperoning is part of the deal. The fact that Steve might be there too only adds to the weight pressing on your chest.

As you reach for your jewelry box on the dresser, your hand grazes something unfamiliar. You glance down to find a folded piece of notebook paper, tucked just out of sight beneath your hairbrush.

Curious, you pick it up, noticing the boyish scrawl of handwriting on the front. You immediately recognize it. Steve’s.

Your heart stutters. You sit on the edge of your bed, fingers trembling slightly as you unfold the note. The edges are frayed, and the ink is faint in places, as if it’s been folded and tucked away for years.

You start to read:

Y/N,

I don’t know why I’m writing this, but if I don’t, I think I might lose my mind. I can’t say this to you out loud, and maybe I’ll never give this to you, but at least it’s out of my head.

You’re my favorite person. You’re the one I think about when I’m having a bad day, the one who makes me laugh so hard I forget about everything else. 

But it’s not just that. It’s so much more. So, I put in here a list I’ve made of all the reasons why you’re my favorite person.

The way you always sticks up for people, even when you’re intimidated. It’s the way you bite your lip when you’re thinking too hard. Or how you always get mad when I cheat at Monopoly, even though you know I’ll never stop doing it. It’s how everything feels easier when you’re around, like nothing can touch me. Don’t even get me started about the dream I had about you in that red bathing suit. You know the one…Yeah. I’m definitely never letting you read this.

Anyways, I think I like you, Y/N. Scratch that—I know I do. I like you in a way that feels way too big for me to handle. But I don’t know if I’ll ever tell you because what if it messes everything up? You’re my best friend, and I’d rather keep you in my life like this than risk losing you completely.

So, yeah. I like you. A lot. And if you ever find this somehow, just know that even if I never say it, it’s how I’ve always felt.

Steve

You lower the note slowly, your vision blurred by the tears pooling in your eyes. The boy Steve was back then—earnest, vulnerable, and so full of quiet, unspoken affection—is written all over these words. And now, looking back, you can see him in the man he is today.

He’s always felt this way.

Your chest tightens as the truth settles over you, undeniable and steady, like the weight of the letter in your hand. This wasn’t adrenaline, or chaos, or the heat of the moment making him say what he did at the Byers’ house. It’s always been there—this love he’s carried for you, just like the note. It was there the day you told him it was best to just stay friends. It was there on every night he’d sneak under your covers or you under his. And it was there in every knowing look from your friends, every teasing question about where you’d both disappeared to when no one else could find you.

Carefully, you fold it back up, your hands trembling as you slip it into your jewelry box like a secret you’re not ready to let go of but need to protect. You glance at the clock, realizing you’re running out of time, but the thought barely registers.

Taking a shaky breath, you brush away the stray tears threatening to streak your makeup. And for the first time in days, there’s no confusion, no doubt. Only the exhilarating, terrifying truth: Steve’s feelings weren’t born in a single moment—they’ve been there for years. Just like yours.

⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆

[aew-kun-age-regression]

GUESS WHO FINALLY WROTE THESE 💀 Sorry it took a hot minute to finish these- I got distracted, on another note there's gonna be some small Ghost Headcannons soon lmao. AAA it's nearly half 1 in the morning- I need to go to sleeppp

Regressor!Phillip Graves Headcannons

He's just small kiddo bless him, 0-4 age range.

He denies that he needs to regress/that he does. "I'm a man I don't need stupid stuff like that to cope." (Yes. Yes he does.)

So emotional. Anything and everything can and will set him off.

^ Gets so emotional when alone. He needs a Caregiver to help ground him because he's just too small, he needs cuddles and to be held and told that he isn't bad.

He's a biter. This goes for clothes, toys, and even people. Clothes and toys are normally just because of his young age however people tend to be when he's upset about everything. He doesn't want to hurt anyone or be bad he just gets overwhelmed quickly and if someone is there it normally make that worse, his default reaction is to do something that will get them to leave. (Chances are no he doesn't actually want them to leave, he just needs support.) It's made so much worse by Graves knowing that he shouldn't, it's instinct. He doesn't know why he bites the hand that feeds him. He is in constant need of reassurance that he shouldn't have done it but no one is angry at him for it, no one hates him for a reaction that he couldn't control at the moment. He can't tell the difference between the hand that wants to help him and the hand that wants to hurt him..

He has a duffle bag that he keeps his little gear in. He also stores an oversized hoodie, the hoodie is large and makes him feel small, it's plain black and very comfortable, therefore it's very discreet. It's only real purpose is to initially hide his regression gear if the bag is opened.

Graves is terrified that people won't want to be around him anymore. He gets these thoughts at random and it will completely consume his thoughts until he's reassured otherwise.

Punishments really just can't be done, it triggers him. He needs someone to talk through whatever he's 'in trouble' for and explain.

He cannot be put into timeout he will hyperventilate and has got to the point of passing out before.

On a bit of a happier note he is the utter cutest just curiously toddling around, taking in his surroundings like it's the first time he's ever seen it. (Even if he's seen it a million times before)

When he's deep in his headspace he finds himself scared of Ghost. (It's the mask.)

He had a freakout once and the others (Soap, Gaz and Ghost) were in the room. They were all regressed and no-one knew what to do without a Caregiver there to help out, helping Graves was always hard but Gaz wanted to try and do something. Gaz gets hit a few times in the process of getting close to him but he is eventually able to calm Graves down, running his hands in the younger boys hair.

When it comes to hanging out with other Regressors Gaz is definitely his favourite to be around, he just knows how to calm him down.

Colouring in >>>

If Price or Ghost cradle and/or rock him like a baby it's game over. He's asleep within 10 minutes. ❤️

[thetriplets3]

hii hru?? can you do “lingering looks, they should have turned away seconds ago” from the prompt list with matt?? thank uu

started with this idea, got carried away and I have no idea if what I wrote makes any sense but enjoy and thank you for your request I loved writing this

⁵⁵⁵ change ⁵⁵⁵

Matt and I are best friends, always have been, probably always will be but he’ll never see me as anything more. I was always closer to Matt than his brothers. He was the first person I’d go to if I needed anything. Sick, upset, happy, hurt, excited, you name it Matt was first to know.

Matt has this ability to make anyone feel safe, welcomed and loved. He has such a warm gentle soul and his presence is always a comfort to me. We’re both very affectionate people, hugs, cuddling, linking arms in crowded spaces, or pats on the back in passing. I haven’t seen Matt and his brothers in about 8 months, other than FaceTime calls since I moved away for school. The semester has come to an end which means I’m back home for the summer.

Wanting to see all my friends, the boys invited me to stay at their home in LA for a few weeks. Arriving to their house I take everything around me in, almost inspecting the place. They moved here about 3 months ago but since I was away at school I haven’t been here yet. My inspection is quickly interrupted by Chris swinging the front door open and squealing my name out, before tackling me in a tight, much needed hug.

“Missed you kid” he says, ruffling my hair as I’m bending down to take my shoes off.

“You’re literally the child here, kid” I joke.

Settling all my stuff into Nick’s room, he and I head to the living room to watch a movie. I’ve made myself comfortable in the corner seat of the couch curled in a ball on my side, resisting the urge to fall asleep.

Hearing what sounded like something falling, my eyes curiously drift in the direction of the noise, stopping briefly on Nick whose clearly used to this type of thing before looking up only to be met with Matt regaining his balance. I smile, taking in his presence and energy. Our eyes meet and it feels like time has stood still. We’ve FaceTimed a bunch over the last 8 months so it’s not like I haven’t seen them at all but seeing him in person after all this time feels different. A good different.

Seeing how much he’s changed makes my heart do backflips. I was worried when I moved away that the boys and I would grow apart but they made sure to let me know it’s gonna take a lot more than me moving to lose them. They look happier, there’s a glow to them. You can tell that they’re at a good place in their life just by looking at them. Matt had this air of confidence around him that he didn’t have when I left. He seems more comfortable with himself and happy, which makes me happy. His style has definitely changed and improved since I saw him last. I’ve always loved his style and now he radiates confidence. My love for him grows seeing him in person after so long. The change of moving from where I grew up with all my friends and family around me to living alone half way across the country scared me to death. But now that I’m standing here in front of him, change doesn’t seem so scary.

“Hi sorry to interrupt this little love reunion going on but there’s a movie playing and this vibe going across the room is interfering with that so do something other than stand there please” Nick exasperates.

To appease him we breaks eye contact and Matt makes his way to me, sitting next to me. Opening his arms, inviting me in for a hug I scoot over with my blanket wrapped around me and melt into his hold. Like 2 pieces of a puzzle. Shifting to bring my knees to my chest, I rest my head on his shoulder awkwardly, not being able to fully reach it.

Sensing my discomfort he gently grabs hold of my legs pulling them to lay atop of his lap. Our eyes flicker to each other with a soft smile. Taking his hint to get comfier I rest my head between his shoulder and neck, wrapping my right arm across his body and letting the other lay in my lap. His left hand lies over my knees and the other securely around my back, his thumb mindlessly rubbing my arm.

My eyes shut for a moment taking this feeling in. This feels different than every other time we’ve cuddled. Usually it’s just a head against a shoulder, head on the chest but this feels like it’s beyond those boundaries. He’s holding me to him like he doesn’t want me to leave, the hands on my leg feels intimate, it’s like he’s trying to tell himself I’m actually here and he’s not imagining it. I’m not complaining. I’ve spent the last 8 months just dying to be back with my people, my safe place.

A tear slips from my eyes. My hand grabs a hold of his shirt, balling it in my fist. Feeling a hitch in my breathing he tightens his hold on me letting me know he’s here. He places a soft kiss on the top of my head.

“I’m here sweet girl, I’m not leaving” he whispers.

Wanting to see his face I shift my head slightly resting my cheek on his shoulder softly smiling up at him. I’ve always admired his perfect bone structure and his stubble makes him look much more mature. My favorite color lies in his eyes. My cheeks tinted pinks, watery eyes, and soft pout on my face causes a small laugh to escape his mouth.

“You’re so beautiful. You seem happier than when you moved, it suits you” his eyes scan over my face landing on my eyes “I missed you life’s not the same without you here” he continues looking at me, taking in every detail, wanting to remember this new version of me. “I love you” he says with a slight chuckle to ease the tension he might have created.

“That’s the first thing I thought when I saw you, you seem more confident and happy, still clumsy but you look at peace with where you are. All I could think about for 8 months was coming back and being here with you. The camera doesn’t do you justice” I say. The words I’ve been wanting to say for so long dance on my tongue, nervous to show themselves. “I love you”. Finally.

Hearing that makes him smile, making me smile. I can’t not smile when he does it’s irresistible. Placing a sweet kiss to my forehead, I nuzzle my head back into the crook of his neck as he holds me closer.

“I wasn’t aware I picked a romance movie, gross” Nick says with disgust and sarcasm dripping from his voice.

Change isn’t always a bad thing, it leads you to exactly what you need in life at the right time.

taglist: @antisocialties @iluvmatt @dwntwn-strnlo @fake-coolbeans @opheliaofficial07 @angelcake-222 @oneirophobic @strniolo

[salty-lemon-shark-from-the-sea]

Maya and the Three + (Reader) Incorrect quotes (Part 2)

Chimi: Ugh, crushes are so dumb.

Rico: I know. Whenever I’m near the person I like I just start acting stupid.

Chimi: But you’re always acting stupid?

Rico: …

Rico: Yeah, don’t think about that too hard.

●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●

Chivo: Pick a card, any card.

Bone: Fine.

Chivo: Wait, that’s my credit card!

Skull: You said any card.

●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●

Xtabay: I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don’t hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I’m just kind of there and their fear fuels me.

●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●

Chimi: Everyone knows that Santa is an international designed by the big five corporations to sell tinsel and video games to an unsuspecting public.

(Reader): The whole “childhood wonder” stage just blew right past you, didn’t it?

●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●

Rico: Why is Picchu crying?

Chimi: They saw a leaf on the sidewalk and-

Picchu: IT LOOKED SO CRUNCHY!

Rico: Please don’t say what I think you’re gonna say-

Picchu: AND WHEN I STEPPED ON IT THERE WAS NO CRUNCH!

Rico: NO, NOT THAT!

●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●

Camazotz: Wow you and Cabrakan are home early from the movies. What happened?

Cipactli: We got kicked out because Cabrakan wouldn’t stop yelling diving scores as people jumped off the titanic.

Cabrakan: That last guy had a solid 8, I’m telling you!

●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●

Maya: I regret nothing!!!

Zatz: I regret everything!!!

●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●

Zatz: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I’ll wait.

(Reader): You and me!

Zatz: *tearing up* Ok.

●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●

Queen Teca: So, what’s for dinner?

King Teca, staring at the food they burnt: Regret.

●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●

Vucub: Being half asleep and feeling someone gently plant a kiss on your forehead is one of the purest kinds of love in the world.

Chivo: Unless you’re home alone.

●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●

Chimi: This date is boring!

(Reader) This isn’t a date. I said I was going to the store.

Chimi: Then why did you invite me?

(Reader): I didn’t, I specifically said “don’t come with me,” then you said, “fuck you (Reader) I’ll do whatever I want!”

●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●

Rico: *very seriously* You need to stop doing weird things to cope with the stress. Going outside might help.

Chimi: I went to the park today.

Rico: There you go! I hope you got something from that.

Chimi: *opening their coat* This duck.

●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●

Acat: Zatz is playing hard to get.

Acat: Little do they know, I’m a master at playing hard to get rid of.

●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●

Lord Mictlan: What are you doing tomorrow?

Any god/goddess: Having my day ruined by whatever you’re about to ask me to do.

●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●

Lady Micte: If I ever had a child, I image they would be a lot like you.

Lord Mictlan: Aww, thanks—

Lady Micte: Which is probably why I’ve never reproduced.

●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●

(Reader): Did you get the eggs like I asked?

Maya: Even better!

(Reader): What the fuck did you—

Maya: *holding up a chicken* Her name is Fluffy.

●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●

Lord Mictlan: What have I done wrong?!

(Reader): Everything. For your entire life.

●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●

(Reader): Chivo… Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?

Chivo: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.

(Reader):

(Reader): I wrote sanitize Chivo.

●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●

Rico: (Reader) that's disgusting. You’re only giving free stuff to beautiful people.

Chimi: Yeah, you should be ashamed of yourself.

(Reader): Oh yeah? *gets really close to Chimi* How about a muffin on the house baby?

Chimi, giggling: I’m pretty.

●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●

Acat: Please! Pretend I’m useful!

●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●

Camazotz: Oh Zatz, we have a visitor!

Zatz: Don’t tell me it’s (Reader).

Camazotz: It’s (Reader).

●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●

Zatz: There’s no way they like me back.

(Reader): Maya would throw herself in front of a moving car for you.

Zatz: Maya would throw herself in front of a moving car for fun.

●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●

(Reader): I have so much energy, I want to run a marathon or commit a crime… which should I do?

Barbarian Princess: Please don’t get arrested.

(Reader): No promises! <3

Barbarian King: Why not both? Get creative!

(Reader): Wonderful suggestion, thank you.

Barbarian Princess: Please don’t encourage them, Papa.

●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●

Lord Mictlan: Love is weakness and an evolutionary mistake.

Camazotz: You are literally making a Valentine’s Day card for Lady Micte.

Lord Mictlan, pointing their hot glue gun towards Camazotz: You’re on thin fucking ice.

●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●

King Teca: Don’t mansplain this to me!

Queen Teca: Wh- I’m a woman! I can’t mansplain anything to you!

King Teca: … Well, I’m a feminist, and I believe a woman can do anything a man does!

●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●

Skull, at (Reader): Would you like to stay for dinner?

Bone, from the kitchen: Would you like to stay forever!?!

●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●

*Acat is telling a story*

Hura: Wow, Acat, this story has everything! Action! Adventure! Romance!

Can: *grunting* Romance?

Hura: I have a crush on them.

●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●◦●

Xtabay: How do I make a date really romantic?

Vucub: Be mysterious.

Xtabay: Okay.

*Later, while on a date with (Reader)

(Reader): So where are we going?

Xtabay: None of your fucking business.

[lifesteal-headcanons]

Rekrap hc because I can't get those off my head!! And I love rekrap!!!

- theyre an unconscious shapeshifter. Hear me out.

Everyone know they're not human. Everyone knows they're a hybrid. But what the fuck are they?? Some ppl say they're a deer hybrid, or a bunny hybrid, of a moth hybrid. But he's all of them. And more. They just can't choose what they're gonna be today. Like mostly they'll just have deer antlers, but one day they just woke up with moth wings and said "uhh what the heck". Also he has a diary for all the times he turned into a different type of hybrid

Also he can morph, so sometimes he can have deer antlers and bunny ears for example (inspired by Snuggle's rekrap fanarts (idk if that's how you write their name))

- hes kinda anti-social (C!rek. Or cc!rek. Dunno the difference :< )

Trust issues. A lot of. He doesn't trust a single soul on this server. So why have his base somewhere people can find, when he can make it thousands and thousands of blocks away from everyone, and consequentially being safe?

- he constantly talks to himself and no one tell me otherwise

- his paranoia is so frequent its actually a person on his head

Sounds a bit crazy (I think). But makes sense to me. So, c!rek/cc!rek is so paranoid of everything being a trap and is so exhausted of this, his paranoia became a person (we're calling it rek. And we're calling c!rek rekrap). Rek looks exactly like rekrap but without the hybrid features, and without scars too (no one's telling me c!rek/cc!rek doesn't have scars). Rek is basically rekrap but... without the trauma. He can "control" the way he looks like, but instead of being a shadowy thing, rek has a more friendly look so he doesn't give rekrap a heart attack by accident. And rek's only purpose is to warn rekrap when things look too sketchy bc rekrap is so paranoid and scared and has so many trust issues and stuff like that he's constantly exhausted, always looking like he'll just lay on the ground and sleep. Also rek sometimes listens to rekrap yapping about anything

- c!rek/cc!rek has no sleep at all. Like- once or twice every 2 weeks. But when he sleeps, you're not seeing him for the next 3 days, maybe more if he happens to morph into a bear hybrid during winter (bear hybrid + winter + exhausted rek = you're not seeing him for the next 1 or 2 weeks)

- he knows where everyone lives. I can imagine he's just like talking to branzy and branzy goes "yeah I still need to grab my shulker box, I borrowed it to pangi and forgot to ask back" (I wrote branzy and pangi here bc they were the first ones that came to mind) and rek just goes "why don't you take it back yourself" "idk where his base is" and then 1 hour and a half later, rek returns with the shulker box

- I feel like he'd leave a small present after fighting or killing someone. Like let's say rek killed zam. On the next day, there'd be a shulker box infront of zam's base with a "sorry for killing you, hope we're still friends" note and some diamonds/gapples. The only question zam has us "... how the fuck does he know my base is here????"

(Sorry for any grammar mistakes, it's 3:30am currently, my fingers are not working because its cold and English is not my first language)

- 💍anon

.

[bunnydexterloveselvis]

Hiiii and welcome ✨🔆 If you are accepting prompts can i request one please, would you write cuddly fluff and / or agere with a baby BDE? especially a sick fic with a cg reader! Thank you ✨✨✨

Oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!! You're the first one to request a prompt!!! Thank you sooo much!!! Of course I'll write it!! How could I pass up such an amazing request? So cute!!! I've never wrote sick fics before so I'll try my best!!

Sick little baby.. (Agere!Big Daddy Elvis x reader)

summary: //elvis wakes up with a cold, is age regressed, and has you as his caregiver

type of fic: //age regression, tooth-rotting fluff, sickfic

warnings: //being sick?? the symptoms mentioned are sneezing, coughing, headache, mild fever, etc. no vomiting or anything like that. also it's pretty mild. he just sleeps it off, cuddling????? idk some people don't like being cuddled i guess, baby talk?? i don't think there's any serious warnings here besides being sick and age regression

word count: //675 (six-hundred and seventy-five) words

It was a fresh day, and you wake up in the morning, it’s around 8am. You look over at your sweet boy who is still sleeping. “What a cutie,” you thought to yourself. You chuckled and got out of bed to make breakfast. About 15 minutes later you come back, with Elvis still asleep in the bed. You smile warmly.

“Wake up, baby,” you whisper in his ear. He shuffles around a bit and lets out a whine. His eyes flutter open and he pouts. “Mamaaa- ’m sweepy!!!” He rolls onto his back. Oh. He woke up little! You almost giggle from how cute he is. He then sneezes three times and sniffles. “got da sneezies,” He mutters, with a short, reassuring giggle. Then he coughs a bunch. “Um, little one, are you okay??” You ask, caressing his shoulder. He looks up at you with sparkling eyes but very wet eyes. “M-mama I don’ feew so.. Good..” He wipes his forehead trickling with sweat, along with that, his soft chubby cheeks are red and his eyes are half-lidded.

He’s sick. But he has a concert today! “Awww.. What are we going to do?,” you thought. You’ll have to cancel it today. Can’t do a concert if you’re sick! So you make a call to explain that E is sick, and has to cancel the concert today. After that trouble, you run back to him. “Mamaaa…” he cries and makes grabby hands at you, implying he wants something. “What is it, E, baby??” you chuckle a bit from his overexpressed tone of voice. “Mmm.. t-tummy hurts..” he forces out while clenching his hands on his soft belly. “Awwww.. It’ll be okay. Mommy’s gonna help make your tummy feel better in no time!,” you tell him, sitting down next to him, massaging circles on his sore stomach. He looks up at you with the prettiest, sparkliest eyes ever. “Weawwy?” he asks softly. A small smile appears on his face. “Wiww mama make tummy free bettew?” “Of course honey, but you need to rest, I’ll be back with some stuff to keep you busy while I make you stuff to help you feel better! Sounds okay?” You murmur, making sure you don’t scare him. He gets scared when he hears loud noises, and you took note of that as soon as you found out. “Mhm!” he nods. You find his toybox and his paci and take it to him, pop the paci in his mouth while ruffling his hair very gently, remember he has a headache too.

So you give him all his gear, and as you walk away to go make him soup for his tummy, he cries out, “Mamaaa!! Don’ leave!!” You sigh. “E, baby, I have to make you soup so you’ll feel better. Do you wanna take the yucky red-coloured spoon medicine?” you threaten “No!! No yucky stuff!! Just wan’ mama..” he frowns and looks down. You slowly approach him and run your fingers through his hair, which usually calms him down. It did. He buries his face in your chest while hugging you tight. “I-I wuv you mama” he says into you. Making you smile sympathetically, you say, “Okay.. I’ll lie down and nap with you, but the first hurt noise I hear from you, I am getting the medicine,” half jokingly. He pouts as a joke, making you giggle. 

You pet his hair while trying not to get sick yourself. His eyes get half-lidded and sleepy. You pet his forehead in an attempt to calm his headache. It worked, weirdly, more like distracted him from his headache to your soothing touch. Elvis practically did something similar, he held you, his mama, close. Never letting go. Planting a kiss on his cheek, you whisper sweet nothings into his ear to lull him into a nap. Afterwards you make him some chicken noodle soup for when he wakes up in case he gets hungry.

You really hope he naps for a while, because you can’t seem to get this can of chicken soup open.

(i don't feel like this is good enough, i feel like it's too vague. let me know if you like it!! It was a teensy bit rushed and i wrote half of it when sleepy)

[gifti3]

Okay i wrote this in record time for me. i just got the urge and boom here it is. I wanted to get this out fast so I didn't forget about it.

I called it a CEO AU but honestly its just an AU where MC works as Lucifer's assistant and is ready to wrap up this part of their life and move on to different work.

All the brothers are mentioned in this. And this can be whatever you want honestly. Platonic not so platonic. Maybe MC is dating one of them, maybe not. I kept it pretty vague!

MC is gender neutral.

_________________________

_________________________

"What is this?"

You push the envelope forward. "My letter of resignation."

Maybe it was a bit much handing it to him in person like this, but emailing just felt too cold. And yea he was your boss, but you considered Lucy a friend too and wanted to leave on the best note possible.

"I know you're busy but I wanted to let you know asap so we can plan accordingly."

Surprising to you, Lucifer seems slightly caught off guard. "Did you find new work?"

You nod with a smile. "Yep! It’s pay and benefits aren't as good but it's practically my dream job."

Lucifer observes you. It was obvious that working as his assistant was a lot of stress on you. Asmodeus mentioned your frustrations to him several times. But you always pulled through in the end. 

Did he overestimate you? No, overwork you?

"When do you leave?"

"2 weeks!"

-------

"They're literally going to the other side of the world you guys!"

“They’re what!?” Mammon responds, bewildered.

"They're moving to the other side of the world! A completely different country--this sucks!" Asmodeus lays his head down in his arms.

Unease fills the meeting room. This was new information to the rest of the brothers, including Lucifer. MC had never mentioned anything about moving and now an unwanted change had become much more unpleasant.  

-------

"Hey MC! Why didn't ya mention ya were moving to the other side of the world?" Mammon approaches from the meeting room, wasting no time.

"Ohhh... right, I forgot to mention that part to everyone. But it wasn't really that important honestly."

“What do ya mean it’s not important. It’s kind of a big deal!”

"....Okay yeah you're right, but it honestly slipped my mind. By the way, not on the other side of the world. Asmo likes to exaggerate, I swear. Either that or his geography could use some polishing."

You continue dropping random items from inside your desk into a box. You still had a week and half left but you wanted to take all your personal non-work stuff home to avoid forgetting anything. You were honestly surprised by how much unnecessary crap had found its way into the desk. It was a stark difference compared to your first couple of months working here.

When you first started, it sucked honestly. If it wasn't for the amazing pay you would have quit fairly quick. 

The first several months were rough, but with time you started getting used to working for the overbearing perfectionist that was Lucifer. Things started to feel routine, you could access possible issues before they happened. And Lucifer’s brothers coming in and out of this building stopped being an annoyance and began to be something to look forward to. You made friends with each and every one of them. Then even Lucifer eventually came around. And before you knew it had been 4 years.

You always thought about moving on to new work but would forget about it and go back to the usual routine. But recently, you were starting to feel content--no resigned. Like "I guess I could stay here forever…" resigned. And it scared you! So you immediately started job searching more seriously and your months of work paid off.

But I'm still gonna miss this place.

Next, Asmo is out of the room. He walks straight for you and wraps you in a tight hug. "MC don't leave us please!"

"I must--AH you're squeezing me too hard!"

He loosens his hold. "Sorry."

You pat his arm.

“Aren't ya gonna miss me--us? Whatever new people ya meet couldn't measure up to the Great Mammom!”

"That’s definitely true, but I need to spread my wings and fly you guys. Hmm…that sounded better in my head."

You notice Leviathan standing off to the side listening so you give him a smile. 

"Levi, why are you standing over there?"

He jumps but makes his way over from your prompting.

"S-So you really found your dream job. It sucks you're leaving but maybe it's a good thing too…"

You nod. "It's new and a little scary, but just consider it me starting a new arc in life."

"And honestly if you guys really want to talk to me, then keep in touch. You literally all have my number."

Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to help much for cheering up Levi or the other two.

Fortunately though, Satan appears before the silence becomes unbearable.

"So you're finally escaping Lucifer MC?”

"Ha! I guess you could put it that way..."

Asmo crosses his arms, his frown deepening. "Please don't let him overhear that."

Satan shows what he's hiding behind his back. "I'll miss your company but I'd like to send you off on the right foot so I brought you a couple of items."

He hands you the gift bag.

"If this isn't a book, I'll be shocked," you say.

You peep inside and realize there's multiple things.

A hardback book from a series you and Satan are currently reading (of course), a neck pillow, and a kitty eye mask.

"Oh wait there's something else."

You dig in and pull out a bracelet. But not just any bracelet. A very limited edition one. It was official merch for one of your favorite series, but you couldn't afford it at the time when it was released.

"What the heck, how'd you find this? This came out years ago!"

"Lots of online searching, and thanks to Levi and Asmo we found a somewhat reasonable price to all pitch in for."

You put the bracelet on. 

“And in such a short time too…Im.never taking this off!” 

You grin. “Well…now I gotta hug you all!”

Before he responds you're crushing Satan, managing to fluster him. You then pull (a blushing) Levi and then Asmo in for a hug, the latter eagerly returning it. 

“No way ya guys are making me look bad,” Mammon says.

"Get in on the collab next time!" Asmo quips.

“Don't worry Mammon, I'll give you a hug later.”

“What? I didn't say anything about a hug…”

“So you don't want one. Got it.”

“Hold on, wait a second…”

You smirk and shake your head. “Okay help me move my stuff you guys so we have a reason to keep talking.”

-------

"Is Belphie still ignoring me?"

Beel nods. "Sorry MC. I think he just needs more time to process."

The other day after leaving the meeting room the youngest made a beeline for the elevator. He didn't even look your way.

"Ah he wounds me..."

"I'll talk to him. Maybe eating out together would help clear the air?"

“Oo, you, me and Belphie. Let's do it!”

Beel smiles that way you love and you give him a sudden hug. It couldn’t be helped, you had a soft spot for the two youngest brothers.”

“Beel, I’m gonna miss you so much!”

He returns the hug. "Me too. I wish you didn’t have to leave, but what makes you happy is most important."

You pull back to look at his face. “I swear you're way more mature than some of your older brothers.”

-------

As your last day gets closer and closer, the brothers (6 out of 7 at least) accept your impending departure. And along with that came endless gifts. It was like Satan triggered a competition to see who could do better. And it looked like you'd have to spend extra money on moving all this extra stuff that had been dumped on you.

Especially after that shopping spree Asmo took you on.

Start your new life with a new wardrobe MC!

Even Belphie had gotten over his initial shock after your dinner with him and Beel and gifted you several items. 

Please make sure to answer mine and Beel’s messages right away.

Don't worry I won't miss any of you or your brother's texts!

Who's talking about those others?

You chuckle at the memory. Belphie was too much sometimes.

You shake your head and sniffle. 

….Oh god. 

You wouldn't see them in person like this anymore! These moments with them. They would be far and few between once you started your new job.

And for some reason while you're surrounded by half packed boxes in your home, it’s finally hitting you.

Your phone pings and you wipe your eyes.

A text from Lucifer.

That was the last person you expected. He hasn't really been talking to you much outside of work since you gave him your resignation, and even then it was purely professional. It made you feel bad. Like your relationship had regressed.

So you quickly respond.

L: Did you already schedule transportation to the airport?

M: of course 👍 don’t wanna wait last minute

L: Make sure you double check the dates too.

M: lucy are you gonna miss me? :3c

If you didn’t bring it up, he might not say it out right.

L: You're so troublesome.

L: But yes, I will miss you.

L: And I honestly don't understand why you're leaving.

You stare at the messages. How were you supposed to respond to that?

M: i have to. it's what i want to do with my life…

L: Okay. Make sure you're on time tomorrow.

That's it? 

You let out an annoyed sigh.

-----

You're in Lucifer's office first thing in the morning. He looks up with you with a raised eyebrow when you barge in.

You drag a seat directly in front of his desk so he’s forced to look at you. "We are handling this right now. I want to leave here with no loose ends"

"What is there to handle exactly? Youre leaving this job in 3 days to start your new one."

"Lucifer, you're obviously upset at me and I want you to be happy for me....like everyone else."

"I'm not like everyone else."

"Obviously, everyone is different. You're all different. That's not what I meant..."

You take a deep breath, lean forward and rest your arms on his desk. "Be vulnerable with me this one time. I know you're going to miss me but I feel like that's not enough for you to be so cold towards me like this..." 

He’s quiet.

"Please Lucy?"

"...I don't want you to leave. The idea that I won't get to see you easily bothers me."

He looks away

"And I feel like I'm the reason you're leaving."

Oh.

“I'm so sorry, I know sometimes I joke around with your brothers but Lucifer it's not actually you. Work like this has always been stressful for me. It's always been. And I just happened to find where my limit was in this particular job.”

“I love you and all your brothers but my final goal was to always aim for work that would be easier on me mentally in a place where it was enough to sustain me. I just got too used to being here.”

"You handle every situation so calmly though. You're always on top of everything

"Heh my acting skills are just that good! But you're starting to understand I hope?"  

He crosses his arms. “I can’t be happy about you leaving MC.”

Your brows furrow.

“But I suppose I can support you going for what you really want.”

“You know what…I’ll take it!” You rest your head on your arms.

He smirks. “Now get out, I'm busy. We can talk more afterwards.”

[hide-in-imagination]

Hi!! I hope you're feeling better! So... I guess you are never gonna write that Pregnancy AU.... May I ask how that one would play out?

Hii!!

I am so sorry, but yeah, I don't think I'll ever have the time😅

So this is basically the plotline: Simón and Ámbar managed to have a short relationship in Season 2 before he found the handkerchief and everything went to hell. It wasn't a long relationship, mind you, but it was, like, two months or something like that, and in that time, they got intimate with each other (bc in this AU neither of them were virgins, so it was easier for them to just let their raging hormones go).

Anyway, eventually Simón found the handkerchief and they had an ugly break up just like in the show. Ámbar still took revenge on the Roller Team by joining the Sliders and stealing the choreography, she befriended Emilia during the month and a half in Cancún, and then everyone went back to Buenos Aires and Ámbar is now wearing full black, just like in the show.

Except, she's been feeling kind of weird lately and it only gets worse once she's back at her house. She thinks it might be stress or sadness because it's not even her house anymore and she's surrounded by annoying people and her godmother abandoned her. The flicker of an idea was in the back of her mind but she didn't want to believe that because why would she? Simón and her always used protection, so there was no way. (And her luck was already bad enough, so there was no way. Life couldn't hate her that much.)

But as time went by and her period didn't come and she was vomiting frequently, she just had to make sure. So she takes some tests some day that no one else is at the house, just for extra privacy, (I believe I wrote this in a oneshot? I don't remember) and... they're positive.

Ámbar doesn't take it well, for obvious reasons. She's extremely angry at Simón for not noticing that some condom broke because that was the only way this happened. She immediately thinks of getting an abortion bc why the hell would she have this baby? She's too young, Simón doesn't love her, no one loves her, Sharon abandoned her, she can't just further ruin her life, she can't.

Except then she remembers that she is adopted. She remembers that someone didn't want her and gave her away, and she just... can't do that to another person. This baby is not at fault for anything. Every child should be loved at least by their mother.

So, she decides to keep it. She is Ámbar Smith, she can do anything and triumph, so she will have this baby and do just that.

But, of course, that brings the problem that she has to tell Simón, because, even if they had a horrible falling out and she doubted he would want to be involved (hell, she didn't even know if she would want him to be involved) he deserved to know.

Keep in mind, this is not like in canon Season 3 where Simón had a magical change of heart and started flirting with Ámbar immediately at the beginning of the season. In here, things are strained between them. Simón had a lot of time to think in Cancún, so sure, he's not as angry with Ámbar as he originally was, he does feel a little bad for how he ended things with her, but he's not sorry he did end up things because Ámbar did a lot of bad stuff, and she was continuing to do bad stuff, with no apparent remorse, so he couldn't be with someone like that (no matter how much he still has feelings for her and sometimes longs for the old days in which they were together and happy.) He has noticed that Ámbar hasn't been feeling well lately, and against all reason, he's a little worried, but he's not going to ask; it's none of his business anymore.

So, Simón doesn't believe Ámbar at first when she tells him she's pregnant and the baby is his. After all, how could it be his? They used protection every time, and he tells her that, to which Ámbar replies that condoms are only 99% effective, they can break, but Simón, rightfully scared shitless at the possibility and also not trusting Ámbar one bit, doesn't believe they could be that unlucky and accuses her, instead, of sleeping with some other guy in Cancún and now trying to latch this baby onto him.

Ámbar is rightfully outraged and hurt, but mostly outraged, because "Why the fuck would I be telling you this if you weren't the father? Do you think I want you in my life after how you threw me away? If I could choose literally any other guy on the planet, I would!!" And "Lovely to know that you not only think of me as a liar but also as someone who just sleeps with anyone. Thank you very much, Simón. You know what? Think whatever you want. I'll take care of it on my own. Forget I said anything."

(Of course, that 'I'll take care of it' could very much mean 'I'll get rid of it', Simón has no idea she has decided to keep it, so there's that.)

Eventually, (and it doesn't take that long, really) Simón comes around because Ámbar's logic does make sense (Why would she tell him of all people when they broke up horribly? It had to be true) and also because, well, Ámbar looked sincere (he ignores the voices in his head calling him stupid for trusting her) and condoms aren't perfect, and he wants to believe that what they had really did mean something, and they created something beautiful together as proof of that, even if the magic of those days is dead now.

So he appeals to Ámbar, tries to tell her that he wants to be part of it, but Ámbar is shutting him out because she's mad as hell at him (and maybe she's mad at a lot of other things and projecting that onto him as well, but fuck him, he got her pregnant at 18)

Eventually, they have a deep conversation and decide to do this together, even if they're not together anymore. (I wrote a oneshot about this, it starts as a fight but it deescalates.) So, Simón supports her in every way that he can, goes to the doctor's appointments (if Ámbar lets him tag along), reads info on the internet, pretty much gives up on his music dreams because he needs a better job if he wants to help Ámbar take care of the baby, etc.

(When Ámbar finds out about this, she tells him to not drop everything for her, that she has money, that Luna already promised to give half the fortune to her to support the baby, but Simón is not convinced. He has to do something. He is half-responsible for that baby and Ámbar is already doing everything by carrying it to full term, how can he not contribute with something?)

Btw, telling both their families is a whole mess, but eventually, they all come around because they're good people. (Some relatives of Simón do say that he should marry her because it's the responsible thing to do, but they're old-fashioned, and Ámbar wouldn't want to marry him even if he asked. ......right?)

So, the pregnancy moves forward, making them share little moments together like the ultrasounds, feeling when the baby starts kicking, learning the gender (It's a girl!!), and both talking and singing to it because they learn that she can hear them and they want her to know her mommy's and daddy's voices. ("We'll probably make a lot of mistakes, little one, but we promise to do our best for you.")

Throughout all this, Ámbar mellows out because, she's a mother now, all those petty rivalries and revenge plans are not important anymore, her baby is, and she wants to be a good example for her, she doesn't want her to go through what she did.

And Simón was always soft, but he softens even more when Ámbar stops being hostile towards everyone and instead starts acting like the Ámbar he fell in love with. Plus, she looks absolutely radiant. Whoever came up with the term 'baby glow' was 100% correct-- She's never been more beautiful.

By the second semester, the attraction between the two is all alive and kicking again (and was it ever really gone?) and around month 5 they end up kissing because they just couldn't not to. But it's not as simple as that because now they have a baby to think about. They can't just try and date again, that already didn't work once, and they had enough problems and things to deal with now to add a blooming exes-to-lovers relationship to the mix.

So they don't get back together... yet. The feelings are there, the attraction is there-- Hell, they kiss sometimes because it feels right and as long as it's just some innocent kisses, there's no problem, right? (It does get heated sometimes- But is still just kisses!) They agree that it's just not the time to rekindle this thing between them. They should wait until the baby is born, see if after months of sleepless nights and changing diapers and stress taking care of it they still have feelings for each other, and if so, then it could be smart to try again.

Except-- FUCK THAT, because they love each other, Simón loves her, and Ámbar could die in the delivery, and then what? They were never together because of fear? Who cares if it might not work out, no one ever knew that for sure, and it was precisely because of their baby that they should try. She deserved a whole family instead of a fragmented one, didn't she?

Simón conveys all of this to Ámbar, speaks about hope and believing in love and about how in love with her he is and how much he loves their daughter already, and how he just doesn't want to wait to be with her and start their life together.

It's all so beautiful and emotional that Ámbar's eyes water and... Oh. Her water broke.

Oh Shit.

oH SHIT!

So, anyway, they rush to the hospital (don't worry, the baby was close enough to full-term that it's not really dangerous, it's fine) and Ámbar has the delivery (she curses everything and everyone while Simón tells her she's strong and she can do this!) and, eventually, their beautiful daughter is born.

They both cry. Well, and the baby too, of course, so that makes three.

In the end, it all works out; They're together, their daughter is (demanding, exhausting, overwhelming) healthy and beautiful and they love her so much, everyone dotes on her (Simón moved into the mansion for the time being, and Ámbar's whole family is there to help them raise their daughter, so it's not so hard), Simón and Ámbar's relationship seems to be working even with all the stress (they support each other, so that helps them bond), oh, and the Roller Band does get a record deal (BECAUSE THEY DESERVE IT, THEY BASICALLY HAD IT WITH VIDIA, YOU CAN NOT TAKE THAT AWAY FROM THEM.)

*Cough* So, happy ending to everyone! Eventually, Ámbar finds the time to go to university (I'll let you choose what she studies), and once she graduates, Simón proposes to her, she says yes, and they live happily ever after with their lovely daughter <3 (And if there's another little one on the way after the honey moon, well... 🤫 Don't tell them yet, it's a surprise.)

[aropride]

i have been deeply appreciating ur TGI posting and was wondering what ur fave songs off of it are !! - mare

HI MARE im free from academia for the day (FINALLY) so i can answer this yayayaayy

as of right now. and this is in album order And im about to list off like a good third of the album sorry in advance but: only girl living in la, dog years, letter to god 1974, letter to god 1983, darwinism, lonely is the muse, and life of the spider

first of all. only girl living in la is an INSANE way to start an album. Like i knew i was absolutely in for it seeing the track list and that we were Starting with a 6 minute long song i was like Oh she loves me specifically she knew id been tormented by songs that are 2 minutes long for too long. i dont think ive ever finished the first song on an album and been, like, scared to listen to the rest of it before (good thing)

dog years. i canteven say anything yet Like theres no words. probably one of my favorites out of my favorites

letter to god 1974 and letter to god 1983 are twins to me. (well triplets shoutout letter to god 1998 no disrespect to my girl its just the first two are my faves personally) Thank u halsey for addressing the "wanting to get really sick so people would pay attention to you" to "getting really sick and it turns out people kinda dont gaf if ur in ur 20s about it" pipeline

hometown- is anyone else trying so hard to escape their hometown or is it just me and halsey and gerard "i know im never getting out of belleville" way. also i love her voice on this one

darwinism- i was reading it as being about physical disability but apparently she said it was about neurodivergence either way is anybody else feeling ostracized from the rest of society or is it just me and halsey out here

lonely is the muse- INSANE FUCKING SONG vocally lyrically musically everything. when i found out there was gonna be a Whole Album and lonely is the muse was on it i realized i was going to die.and then i did. <3

life of the spider- i knew there was a tori amos song on the album and the one tori amos song im really familiar with is me and a gun so of course i was terrified .and i was right to be. love a song i cant listen to without having a panic attack one of my favorite genres. insanely haunting song i cant really listen to this one casually yet or possibly ever i have to like sit down and prepare. this morning i saw a spider in my bathroom and started crying. tomorrow more of the same. "favorite" not in the way where i listen to it a lot favorite in the way where i can barely listen to it at all

also one more thing i feel like in general the album is organized very well does that make sense. like the songs are in a specific order that is good and makes sense. only girl living in la -> ego -> dog years -> letter to god 1974 is an insane run of songs generally let alone first on the album but also it like. makes sense why theyre in that order. also darwinism -> lonely is the muse -> arsonist -> life of the spider i can say the same of. like yeah thats the exact order those songs should go in. this is really not a Shuffling Album to me at ALL theres a specific order they all go in and i really like that Bc half the time These Days it feels like everythings so focused on having 2 minute long songs with 15 second clips that blow up on tiktok that its always nice to have an album thats like. Ok thankgod they actually give a fuck about this and its not optimized for social media analytics

thank u for reading My essay ^___^<3 u sent this 5 hours ago when i was working on my school stuff and i waslike oh thank god i get to talk about music later. A little treat for meeee to rewind and such.And then immediately i wrote A lot of sentences but, like, for fun this time so it counts as Rewinding

[julys-grievances]

grievances about my 2 best friends 💗its mostly petty but i need 2 yap :( major yapping under the cut beware

irl moots who know either of these people please don’t tell them about thiz ty ily lots

1. j (this ones the petty one)

so there was this situation a while ago where this guy who we were friends with who had a girlfriend liked someone else and also said some weird ass shit and we all thought he liked my friend but turns out he liked me and used her as a cover story and sent me an essay long confession which made me want to claw off my skin and sob myself to sleep and also jump off a cliff onto rocky waters because it was fucking disgusting and she still somehow made herself the victim. honestly at this point she was barely involved but she still called me a bystander even though all of the fucking screenshots of weird stuff he’s said to us and also to his other friend were from ME. I GOT THEM ALL. and then when i sent the essay to a groupchat of anti-him people she was still like “no he still likes me.” and then when i was like “dude he doesn’t like you that’s way good news he’s a creep” AND THEN SHE APOLOGIZED FOR TAKING THE SPOTLIGHT OFF OF ME EVEN THOUGH THERE SHOULDN’T BE A SPOTLIGHT IN THE FIRST PLACE. and now whenever this scenario is brought up she describes it as he liked her and then suddenly switched to me which pisses me off and she doesnt even mention the stupid dumbass shit he did to his GIRLFRIEND AT THE TIME. ALL SHE TALKS ANOUT IS THAT HE LIKED HER AND THEN LIKED ME. WHICH WASNT EVEN THE WORST THING HE DID. also she barely cares if people are being racist or antisemetic towards me but the minute she hears the word gringa she goes into fucking cardiac arrest. like this guy in our class was pulling the corners of his eyes and askinf me what ching chong meant and also another guy calling me a fucking dog eater and i told her and she basically shrugged and said damn that sucks BUT THE FUCKING MINUTE SHE THOUGHT SHE HEARD SOMEONE CALL HER A GRINGA SHE GOT A FUCKING HEART ATTACK. worst part is that’s the same throughout my entire friend group because they’re all white. my other friend literally threatened to jump the people who she thought called her a gringa and also shrugged when i told him that someone in my class was saying i started covid and bitched about how i was gonna eat his dog. kms.

2. b

nothing. and i mean nothing. cannot be about this motherfucker. every time i go over to his house we have like half an hour where we’re jsut straight up yapping about everything wrong in our lives. heres the difference. when hes saying stuff i pay attention and listen and give him time to unpack his problems and i talk about his problems too because that’s what a good friend does. when im saying stuff he either says “ru… dont do that..” and then moves on or immediately makes it about himself. literally i was talking about how bad my body images had gotten and how i feel disgusting and how i feel like i lose my value as a person if i’m not stick thin and then he immediately started talking about himself. he didnt even miss a second. I TOLD HIM THAT I FUCKING RELAPSED AND HE BRUSHED IT OFF. IMMEDIATELY STARTED TALKING ABOUT HIS OWN PROBLEMS. I TOLD HIM THAT I WAS SCARED TO TALK ABOUT MY GENDER IDENTITY WITH MY MOM BECAUSE SHE WAS INSISTING THAT ALL OF THE STUFF I WAS FEELING WAS ON THE SPECTRUM OF FEMININITY EVEN THOUGH IT WASNT AND HE IMMEDIATELY DTARTED TALKING ABOUT HIMSELF AGAIN.

i deadass think that i could tell this bitch that i wrote suicide notes and he would still find a way to make it about himself. the first time i was suicidal i told him and he immediately went “if you died i would…” immediately started talking about how his life would be which didnt help at all. he might get tumblr i’m praying he doesnt because if he sees this ever it’s over

me and our other 2 friends were talking earlier about how conscious we are of our weights/bodies/appearance and he said he was conscious too which is totally valid but when we started talking about how we’re basically overexerting ourselves to stay as skinny he said “just don’t overexert yourself”. don’t piss me off.

[theriverpointace]

you work at an antique shop?!? that's so cool whatttt

thanks! yeah, it's this little place downtown, a small business among like a dozen other small businesses. it's almost a family business lol, with the exception of me and the ladies who work at the other location across the street. i mostly just price inventory and keep some of the displays (jellies, candles, tea, quilts) neat, but sometimes i also get enlisted to help set up the displays! here's a display i set up (mostly) on my own :3

on the side of the street i work at, it's a combination antique stuff and newer home decor stuff, like the towels and apron in the photo, and it's sorted by different themes. at christmas we have like five different christmas themes set up. it's all christmas. but rn we have two christmas areas, in the back of the shop, and a half-dozen or so assorted other styles. rn we've got lavendery purply stuff in the front walkway and its so pretty. we've also got two or three consignment areas that are rented out, i think it's two boutiques and then my boss's mother's tea stuff.

then on the other side of the street, it's all consignment. there are, iirc, two women's boutiques, one area of like kids' stuff, one area of a ton of random stuff that's fun to peruse, and three different antique vendors. one of them always has super cool stuff that i want to get. like this crab sign:

one of them is really delicate like porcelain stuff, and i'm always scared to walk over there, let alone vacuum lmao. always terrified im gonna break smth if i like breathe wrong. and the number of stories my boss has told me about people breaking things and how much she emphasizes that its Not That Big A Deal, perhaps i should relax a bit about it. but i h a t e breaking things.

and the shop always has immaculate vibes. exquisite. everybody who comes in always has a compliment, usually smth like "it smells nice in here" or "you have such fascinating stuff!" i've also gotten a lot of "she's got you hard at work, huh" and "wow, christmas already" comments lol. once i came in to work and i had had a really hard morning so i was crying and she gave me a hug and i took like five minutes to gather myself to Do My Job Which I Am Paid For and within probably half an hour i was feeling so much better bc yeah, it's work, and sometimes im on my feet for four or five hours which sucks, and it's probably not a permanent job, but it's literally just such a nice place to be. maybe i'd rather be at the park or on the couch or with my friends or anywhere else sometimes, but as a job i'd never trade it for the world. in fact i have loose idle daydreams about "what if i stayed there through college. what if i worked there part-time and got a second part-time job and rented an apartment from my cousin who owns like a third of all the real estate downtown and wrote in my spare time and lived here forever." and ig i kinda don't want to do that but it wouldn't be a terrible life either.

anyways long answer but i love my job so much and i kinda never want to quit. i was worried i wouldn't be able to keep it thru the fall semester but i can so :D love it love it love it there

[tunedtostatic]

Life update (not good)

And asking for help though I don't think anyone I know on Tumblr will be able to help with this, but I am trying to cast a wide net.

After my "there's a good chance things might actually be okay-adjacent soon but I'm scared it won't and hope it will" post I was really hoping I would have a "Things worked out!" update, but unfortunately this. Right now my life is not close to worst it's been (this year and last are still the best years in a long while!) but things have been fucked up.

I don't know how to say "i don't scare easy" without it sounding like country-western braggadocio but but the last few years have included living with creeps, living out of my car, various varyingly obnoxious brushes with death, and this is a more five-alarm fire level than average, even though still hopeful and still better than things are for many people for sure.

My internal project this past month and a half has been working on getting myself to 100% believe that it is 100% possible for me to die, which is not something I /didn't/ before - I wrote a will in 2019, and I had a long conversation with a friend in 2022 about the possibility of dying, obviously it's been on my mind - but i think it's just really hard for human beings (or at least me) to /really/ feel like it's possible to die in whatever dangerous situations we're in because we're just kind of neurologically wired for a certain amount of optimism in the face of death. At least the last few years it's not like there is one specific monster with big teeth chasing me, so it's easy to be like, well, statistically I /probably/ won't die from that or this or the other - like, if [medical stuff, living on the road, violence, hospital-acquired covid if I end up in hospital now that most hospitals aren't taking covid precautions here, &c] together means I have a 3x or 4x or 20x higher risk of dying than the average person in their late 20s, then people in our late twenties still don't die very often so mathematically that's still just multiplying three or four or twenty times /a really low number/ in the first place.

Statistically I will probably live...and neurologically I'm wired to say "I'm gonna make it :)"…but that means that this month and a half (have to do a double take because it's only been a month and a half! somehow!) I've had to make it a little internal project to continuously remind myself that it is 100% possible for me to die and I need to take everything that seriously, accordingly.

So many people, victim services nonprofits, &c over the years have come down so much more on the side of "Look into my eyes. You WILL get through this." than be worried about me, so I'm the one who has to take this on and remind myself it is 100% possible for me to die, so that I can take everything exactly as seriously as it needs to be taken, and also try to kick my own ass into hiding in shitty coping mechanisms less.

I have things SO much better than many people (!!) (which i know is a Thing Everyone Says out of free-floating guilt when they're struggling, but also, it's definitely true in this instance, and i don't want y'all to worry about me disproportionately). Things are bad but I also do know what I'm doing somewhat, after handling crises for so many years, and I also have alotalot of luck, which I am incredibly and unspeakably grateful for.

(Speaking of the positive, a lot of the current situation was kicked off by an especially scary medical scare last month that wrecked a lot of shit, and very luckily, most of the scariest medical stuff has been ruled out! That's one reason to be optimistic! Though I need to then bring it back to "Do /not/ let this let you take your eye off the ball, dude, everything else is still fucked up and it is still possible for you to die so Take This Seriously.")

The thing is, most of the pieces that made me hopeful at the beginning of last month when I was posting here are /still here/ ready to be put together. I had to drop out of my class this semester but I'm still in good standing in the certificate program I started and if I can fix the rest of my life enough I can start another class this summer. I /have/ a not super lucrative but decent and interesting paid side hustle, I have volunteering and helping others I can do, I have writing I can do, as long as I can get things a decent amount of unfucked. I am still jonesing to get on here and give y'all the Good Update.

I've avoided nonprofits and hotlines for the last year and a half, since my last go-round ended up doing more harm than good, but I sucked it up and told myself maybe it would be better this time and it was not, so this week I need to call another, unrelated victim services nonprofit to tell them the nonprofit I contacted last month did [deeply awful stuff] so that I can have a paper trail for /that/ so /that/ doesn't make the original problem worse, which is kind of the opposite of what one is looking for when one calls a nonprofit "for help."

(I don't want to dissuade people from seeking help from support services - I'm having mental images of someone reading this and not getting the help they need because I talked shit about nonprofits - but I guess I /would/ say, I /do/ want people to go in knowing that there are people who will help, and there are people who can't help (which depending on the context might be fair and there is nothing they can do), and there are also people who will demean you or not believe you or promise things they don't deliver. And I could write a post on how to try to stay safe when interfacing with nonprofits that supposedly represent "help" and "safety" and often do not, but sometimes absolutely do, but I am evidently still learning myself, so I will just say come in with backup plans, and if they hurt you it was not your fault.)

I spent my childhood in what I call "the casserole world" - culturally it was normal for friends or family to bring each other a casserole or help with errands when something hard happened and my specific context was functional enough that people would do that kind of thing. So!! Asking for help on here, if anyone has a spouse or friend or uncle who likes helping with logistical things like reading hundreds of dentist office reviews to find dentists who both accept Medicaid and are not evil incarnate or online discount clothing shopping - I don't really expect to find that kind of help here (back at it with the statistics), so in a way it's more that I don't want to cut myself off from the possibility. If 9 out of 10 times "just ask for help :)" isn't actually a thing, that means that you still need to, at least sometimes, cautiously ask the metaphorical tenth time when you find a place where that's not going to hurt someone else and it seems plausible. Like I said, I'm trying to cast a wide net!

(Editing for typoes and to add a Medicaid explanation for those not in the U.S.: Medicaid is free insurance e.g. free healthcare for people who make very little money, and it is free to the patient, but many doctors don't accept Medicaid, and the ones that do tend to be, uh. Bad. Or booked out for months, if they are not bad.)

[aeoneskova]

20 questions for fic writers :)

Thank you so much @ulouism for the tag! <33

How many works do you have on ao3? 7 works are currently available to read on my ao3 :)

What is your total ao3 word count? 569,216 words - i’m honestly flabbergasted

What fandoms do you write for? So far only Harry Potter, though I've been interested in some spiderman or stranger things stuff which I might write for soon.

Top 5 fics by kudos? In order: Honey Honey, Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy, the Funny Tricks of Time, Seven Dials, Just in Case.

Do you respond to comments? The majority of them! I try my best to answer every one, or at least one if you've commented on multiple chapters in a row :)

Which of your fics have the angstiest ending? this is hard, all my halloween one shots are very angsty but which is worse? James and Lily dying, Marlene and Dorcas dying, or Mary obliviating herself? I'll leave that up to debate lol

Which of your fics had the happiest ending? I'll go with seven dials, considering that's the only fluffy fic I've actually finished, though goflb might take that spot once its done :))

Do you get hate on fics? I had an incident a couple months ago where I got flooded with some nasty comments, and I've had a couple things in the past. But so many people here came to my defence, it was lovely to see and I can't thank you all enough!

Do you write smut? Not yet... I get awkward... and scared someone I know irl will see it... but you never know...

Do you write crossovers? I have a couple marauder fic wips which take a lot of inspiration from other stories, like the Martian and httyd, but I wouldn't mark them as crossovers when I post them cause they're mainly hp

Has anyone stolen your fics? Not that I know of, hope it stays that way lol

Have you ever had a fic translated? No but i’d be open to any requests if someone did want to :)

Ever co-written a fic? No and not sure if i’d want to, i’m a massive control freak and procrastinator so I think i’d get stressed

What's your all-time favourite ship? I’ve gotta say wolfstar, my loves <33 though I do dabble in drarry and perciver, I don't think anything will top them

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you will? I don't think I can pick lmao I have so many idea folders and half finished first chapters that I want to write but I can't balance them all. I suppose I'll go with my wolfstar pirate fic That's Life

What are your writing strengths? I think im good with characters and plot, or at least that's what I enjoy doing most and what comes most naturally to me. I waste so much water standing in the shower thinking through things... I'd say im quite a proficient editor too, but idk if that counts

What are your writing weaknesses? I'm gonna say dialogue cause sometimes when I read back over conversations, they don't feel right and I spend ages tweaking it. And can I say procrastination? I struggle so much in starting writing, but once I get into it i’m fine.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language? I don't trust google translate enough to write in another language unless I knew myself it was right, so in most cases i’d find a way around it. I don't mind dialogue in other languages if its for a reason, but if that means I have to translate every other sentence it can get a bit annoying

First fandom you wrote for? A Harry Potter x Percy Jackson fic on Quotev that we won't talk about ...

Favourite fic you've ever written? I have to say I'm most proud of Honey Honey, its the only full length fic ive finished but quality wise i’d say Seven Dials is my favourite

No pressure tags: @arakhnee @pretentiouswreckingball @residentrookie and anyone else who wants to join in :)

[kindaoptimisticsquirrel]

Trigun Bookclub Trimax Vol5

Vol01: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3  | Vol02: Part 1 | Part 2

Trimax: Vol01 Part 1 Vol01 Part 2 | Vol02 Part 1 Vol02 Part 2 |

Vol 03 Part 1 | Vol03 Part2 | Vol04 Part1 | Vol04 Part2 | Vol05

Here's my Trimax vol5 review! Gonna keep it short because I'm a bit behind and all the good stuff has already been said! :) I'll just be reiterating the stuff I enjoyed and general thoughts! (Also vaguely not spoiler free for around up to vol8.)

Chapter 1:

Oh yeah the July flashback of Vash. God this is so so intense, emotionally. Notonly Vash's faces, but also how the story is told...it really is the mix between incredibly well drawn emotions AND knowing how to build up tension, how to convey the feelings of the characters and everything that makes Trigun so so good.

Look at that beautiful panel sequence of Vash not having a good time #742.

I just love this page as it is so aesthetically pleasing. The qietness. The foot holding in place after Vash nearly stumbling...the self control emitted by the pose only betrayed by the silent tears streaming down his half-hidden face...

Aaaand Zazie left the stage. Man those sand worms are really huge.

And I love how even though Meryl is definitely going through one or possibly THE worst days of her life...she's making this face at the end looking like she goes internally "UGH this CAN'T be happening to me" or "fuck this shit I'm far too cute for this stuff" (my interpretation because she is really cute).

Chapter 2:

Ah the chapter were Wolfwood is creeping up on Midvalley (as far as I understand...since he can't see atm is Wolfwood sensing Midvalley in a way? Like feeling he's here around somewhere.

And then it's Milly who saves Wolfwood and also Vash by getting in the way of Midvalley! (that is correct right? This whole stuff still has me vaguely confused even on my third read) Both girls have such great agenda in this story!

Chapter 3:

*cries* Because he's someone who wants to protect at heart!!! AAAAH!

SUCH a BEAUTIFUL page! Of course also cruel because of the pain Vash endures, his transformation as well...but...it looks just so pretty! So etheral! I think someone else said it looks a bit like a blooming flower and I totally agree!

Little peculiarities, like occasionally closing one eye. I can't cite other moments but I'm sure we've seen the twins do this some times (at least Knives, but I think Vash, too?) Oh oh I just thought of an analysis: Knives doing this, closing one eye...now think of the moment which we'll see in vol07 I think, where he smears blood over half of his face. His duality, little innocent Knives and a tortured Knives that is scared and knows only violence to defend himself. Inner conflict represented by the unconscious tendency to close one eye.

Chapter 4:

Aah now Meryl gets to see Vash's memories. She gets to know and understand him so much better, but it's all a bit too much to take in at once...She'll need time to process all that for sure but in the end I think it was able to make her belief in Vash so much stronger, because she saw what he went through and how he STILL has resolution, and not abandoned hope.

Oh yeah and the scene between Midvalley and Vash. Lots of other readers upset about Midvalley's use of the pronoun "it" for Vash and I too, am appalled as well! You people out there wrote enough great analysis about Midvalley and Wolfwood here and that, so I won't add anything. Just the beautiful contrast of Midvalley calling Vash something so unhuman, and Wolfwood even calling Vash nicknames, which is just the total opposite, and which I find very endearing.

CAAARDGAAMES ON MOTORCYYYCLEEEES

(I hope someone gets the joke so it doesn't seem too random? it was very funny in my head)

Wolfwood sir do you perhaps recognize the look on Midvalley's face as the face of someone who's about to betray and attack their boss? Do you have anything to say on that matter, sir?

Chapter 5:

Oh hmm yummy Legato crushing Midvalley under his bike...yucky

(or as I wrote in my notes in german: JUNGE Legato beruisch disch)

They were also very generous when they worked on Legato's body with the length of the limbs. They are definitely longer than one needs their limbs to be. Or, re-looking at the next chapter, they are the limbs of his helper-underlings? Still too long!

Aaand Zazie is back in a new body!! I love that character, they are so cool!

And of course, the most awesome surprise in this stand-off: MERYL popping out of under Vash's wings and turning the tables completely!!

Chapter 6:

Pages that make me love this poor boy even more, #4522

#4523

#4524 (the storytelling!!! raaaah)

Oh yeah and these pages below:

This chapter just has so many strong pages, depicting Vash's turmoil in general (and probably in this moment where he is caught into this transformed state)

And we get Elendira in this chapter!! She's the coolest B)

Even though filled with nothing but hatred towards Vash, this guy gets it (Vash is just such a pretty boy)

Awww this hug is too sweet!

And that's it for this volume!

[kopivie]

god, i know people are sick of hearing me dwell on this, but i think i'm done.

i think... i'm content knowing that my writing touched people when it did. it was my best work considering the time at which it was written, and the best work for the headspace that i was in. i was just rereading an old spidey-kazuha fic that i wrote and i'm just thinking that yeah, i'm never gonna write like that again. not because i'm not good enough (although i am out of practice), but rather because my interests have since shifted, and i should spend my energy trying to figure out the best writing style for myself with these new interests in mind.

like, i've been wanting to circle back to basic character creation. the things i've been wanting to do lately have less to do with readers and more to do with original characters. it's simply because i haven't done that in a long time that i'm feeling so pent up and anxious and scared.

so... essentially, i need to come to terms with the fact that my kazuha era is over. not that i don't love him anymore — i will always be the self-proclaimed #1 Kazuha Lover — but rather, my time writing for him is done. the same likely goes for other genshin boys, because i employed the same strategies when writing for them as well.

now i'm more interested in...

...creating a splatoon oc team. being on a competitive team myself is making me think of viable team comps as well as fully original characters that fit within the lore of the splatoon universe. i already have one and a half characters (the octoling girl is under construction, heh) completed.

...making a jujutsu kaisen fic about the zen'in family centered around an original character related to megumi. because i have very strong opinions about the whole thing and my closest online friend is writing a fic of her own and she fully supports me, so why shouldn't i give it a shot, too?

all in all, i think i'm done being so scared of myself and my ideas simply because it's not what people expecr from me. at this point if you're following me, you get what you get and you don't get upset. i'll just be talking and rambling aaaand you kinda have to deal with it.

i contemplated deleting kazewhara and awlumii, but no. that's wrong to the people who continue to read my work (because i've checked and wow, people.. really do enjoy that stuff.) and wrong to myself. that's going to act as a point of growth for me.

sooo.. yeah. new era for cinna.

perhaps i'll change my layout, too.

[jamiesfootball]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💗

So I wasn't going to do this because I don't even have five fics posted yet, but then I decided you know what? Fucking goals, man. So here's the two I've got and the (top) three that I'm working on that should see the light of day this year:

The Man From U.N.C.L.E. fic - Did you like the 2015 Man From UNCLE movie? Did you walk out of that theater going 'what a wild romp? I sure hope it gets a sequel.'

Well we're never getting a sequel, but here's a lovely OT3 fic that I was lucky enough to co-write with the very talented @thischapstickaddict (the bestie with the best outlines). She brings the romance, I bring the punchy action scenes, and together we crafted enough dramatic backstory to hopefully satisfy the 100 other people online who were obsessed with this movie in 2015.

The Garrison Reserve (aka the BBC's Musketeers Cooking AU fic) - Speaking of older fandoms. Are you hungry? Would you like to be hungry? Come be hungry what started as a crack idea but slowly became a thinly veiled excuse for me to talk about food for 64k words and make my case for why D'Artagnan is a manic pixie Florida man (until depression and life circumstances dragged me to a crushing halt at chapter 4/5 with half of chapter 5 written and never posted) (ngl I miss this fic and now that i've got brain waves again it's back on the menu) (as soon as i relearn every side character's name again it's back on the menu) (we also did, in fact, write a real menu for this. those are real recipes)

NOW ONTO THE NEW STUFF BABY!!!!!!!

[Redacted Title] Post Season Three Fic - MY TRIUMPHANT RETURN. It's gonna have all the hits for me: food! crying! backstories for people who didn't get backstories! food as a love language! shameless nerd culture quotes that no one but me will notice! shenanigans! fun group scenes with multiple people talking and being friends! friends who are your family now! If you, a blessed Ted Lasso fan reading this post have somehow stuck it out this far here's your reward - I'm feeling really good about the progress, and I maybe might don't want to jinx it but I might be able to start posting. Soon. Soonish. Like within the month. Previously aforementioned bestie has been getting snippets and I am tentatively excited that it will be up to snuff. This is good news that only you, the patient one who's read this far, now know. Yay for you!

Pavlov's Dog (the Jamie falling asleep 5+1 I've mentioned) - it is going to be a race to see if this one beats [Redacted Title] to the light of day. This one takes an episode coda / deleted scene approach and its fueled by punk and sadness and rage (so mainly The Wonder Years songs with the occasional Mountain Goats lyric thrown in). I was actually making really really good progress on it and then Mom City happened and [Redacted Title] was born.

Now I've got a handful more Ted Lasso fics half-started in the rafters, but the other fic that's likely to get posted this year, the one that I've been just dying to get out there, that one that i'm like a redbull and an ADHD fit away from posting even though no one but me has ever wanted it:

MY BATFAM / THE CONJURING AU - THAT'S RIGHT. ARE YOU A FAN OF BATMAN AND SPECIFICALLY HIS ADOPTED FAMILY? DID YOU LIKE THE MOVIE THE CONJURING? ARE YOU SCARED? WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE SCARED? IT'S SCARY. I WROTE A THING AND IT'S SCARY.

This is my mid-year resolution! These things I have written - people will see them!