#I feel like I'm an outcast consumer for feeling this way | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

unsolved-duvall · 2 years ago

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𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐈'𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 - 𝐞.𝐦. (𝟏𝟖+)

eddie munson x fem!reader

7.9k words (i'm so sorry)

summary you and eddie have been friends for years, and you've both been in love with each other for as long as you can remember. neither of you realise it though, until one night, where that might finally change.

fluff, smut, idiots in love. friends to lovers <3

warnings talks of insecurities, mentions of anxiety, mentions of a bad relationship with parents. reader struggles with her emotions a lot (i don't know if that needs a warning but just in case!). some smut at the end, so 18+! minors i will chase you away with a stick if i have to.

“You look perfect, I promise” Eddie leant against the doorway to his bedroom, watching as you desperately adjusted your skirt and fishnet tights in front of his mirror. The outfit you were wearing wasn’t much different to your usual attire, but you had never been to a concert before, and you wanted to look the part - Eddie had assured you it didn’t matter what you wore, that no one there would judge you or even be looking at you, too busy watching the band perform. But it wasn’t everyone else you were worried about. It was Eddie. And you so desperately wanted Eddie to look at you.

If someone was to ask you when you fell in love with Eddie you weren’t sure you could give them an answer. The truth was you didn’t remember when it happened, all you knew was that you fell hard and fast. Even before you two had spoken one word to each other, you were sure you were already completely enamoured by him. You would catch yourself staring at him at school, entranced by everything he did. Constantly holding doors open for girls walking behind him, or stopping mid-theatrics in the middle of the cafeteria to let that group of girls walk past him, throwing his arms behind his back. Gestures so subtle that no one else noticed, or if they did they simply ignored them.

You had learnt that teenagers found it much easier to view people one-dimensionally, and the minute someone doesn’t act the way they’re expected to, people become uncomfortable. Eddie was seen as an outcast and freak from day one; he was never going to change that. So, it was easier for him to lean into the role, fitting into the mould that everyone else had made for him. Your point was, you always admired how kind and considerate Eddie was to the people around him, even though they never showed him the same respect back.

When you and Eddie finally started talking and became friends, you realised that he was possibly the sweetest person you had ever met, and your feelings became all-consuming. Also, it didn’t help that Eddie was annoyingly good-looking. Like bang-your-head-against-the-wall-pretty. Eddie had a way of making you go dumb when he looked at you. His big doe eyes were like a weapon he didn’t even realise he possessed, you were sure he held the whole universe in them. And, when you sat close enough to him, you could see the freckles that painted his face like constellations in the night sky, across his nose and cheeks. Seeing Eddie smile was your favourite thing in the entire world, especially those smiles that reached his eyes and lit up his whole face. If his face was the only one you could look at for the rest of your life, you would be perfectly content with that.

Eddie’s voice broke through the thoughts swirling around in your head about how you looked, starting to overwhelm you. You lifted your head and looked up into the mirror, meeting Eddie’s eyes. “There she is, you zoned out on me there for a sec” A small smile graced his face as he pushed himself off the doorframe and walked to stand in front of you, stopping you from being able to stare at yourself in the mirror anymore, he could tell you were starting to feel anxious, his eyes dropping to watch your fingers tangle together, nails scratching at the back of your hands.

Eddie hated that you were so self-conscious, he wished he could take away all your anxieties and worries. Listen, Eddie wasn’t a violent guy, and he would be the first to admit that - he had only gotten into two physical fights in his life, both of them when he was much younger, just after his dad was sent to prison; both of the fights were caused by someone telling Eddie he was gonna grow up to be ‘“just like his dad” and before he even realised what he was doing he was throwing punches. Both times Wayne had comforted Eddie afterwards, sitting with him for hours just listening to him shout and scream and cry. Wayne knew he was just a small kid with a lot of big emotions, that he had no idea how to handle. “It’s okay kid, it’ll be okay.” Wayne tried his best to comfort him, but also be a father figure to him, sometimes he worried he was being too soft, and other times he worried he was being too harsh. But Eddie wouldn’t be the man he was today without his Uncle, so he obviously did something right.

With all that being said, Eddie was certain that if your feelings were a person? Without a shadow of a doubt, he would beat them to a pulp for making you feel so awful all the time.

Eddie delicately held both your hands, stopping them from fighting with each other, he didn’t miss the heat that rushed to your cheeks at the small action. “Listen” He murmured quietly, although in the quiet of his room he still sounded loud “there’s no rush, s’just we really are going to be late if we don’t leave now” He didn’t actually care about being late, he just wanted to stop you getting more worried than you already were.

“Oh shit, m’sorry. Yeah, okay I’m ready, let’s go” Eddie gave your hands a tight squeeze and then let them go, you silently cursed yourself for wishing that he had kept holding them. “S’okay, do you need a jacket or anything?” Eddie asked as he lead you out of his room. “No Eds I don’t need a jacket, we’ll be inside the whole night” You responded trying to sound as normal as possible, but all you could think about was his hand on the lower dip of your back as he followed you to the front door. “You are cold literally all of the time! I’ve seen you wear coats in June and it’s mid-Winter right now, forgive me for assuming you would be cold tonight!” Eddie laughed as he said it. “I’ll be fine Munson.”

“Okay fine I’ll take your word for it. But I swear I’m not giving you my jacket if you realise I’m right and start freezing your ass off.”

You laughed and turned your head to look at him, that signature smirk on his face. “You got it.” You both knew he was going to give you his jacket anyway.

Eddie jumped into the van, getting ready to drive. Within about ten seconds his face dropped completely. “What’s wrong?” you asked curiously.

“Uh, so you know how sometimes I get distracted and then I forget to do things that were really important?” Eddie avoided looking at you as he spoke, you already had an idea of where this was going. “Yeah that’s kind of your thing” you giggled. “Heh yeah so uh it shouldn't really surprise you if I told you I kinda forgot to fill the van up?” Eddie asked innocently, it really was impossible to be mad at him when he looked like that. “Wait we don’t have any gas?” You asked him.

“Shit Y/N I’m so sorry. I was meant to run errands the other day and then I got this idea for a new campaign - It’s actually really cool I wanna tell you about it later - and anyway then I started writing that down and then Wayne came home and-”

“Eddie!” you cut him off with an exasperated laugh.

“ What?” Eddie asked abruptly, finally looking at you. “Breathe!” you reminded him.

“Oh yeah m’sorry I just, I didn’t want you to think I had done this on purpose and I really didn’t I just- I’m rambling again. Shit sorry.” Eddie finally stopped talking and took the keys out of the ignition in defeat. “So I’m guessing the concert is a no-go,” you asked him quietly.

“I mean, hey we could always walk it” Eddie laughed “but uh we probably wouldn't get there for about twelve hours”

“Huh, I think we might miss the band if we did that.”

“Yeah probably” Eddie took a breath and started fiddling with his rings, you could tell he was disappointed; truthfully you weren’t that bothered. Sure it would have been amazing to go to your first concert, but you had already worked out that with no gas in the van you would end up staying at Eddie's tonight, and a night in with Eddie was one of your favourite things.

“Hey” you nudged Eddie’s arm with your hand, just trying to get his attention. “It’s okay. I mean there’ll be other concerts, right? We’ll try again then- I’ll drive us next time, no offence or anything” Eddie finally laughed again as you finished talking. “Yeah s’probably for the best.” You both silently got out of the van and walked back into the warmth of the trailer, neither of you felt the need to ask the other if you were going to stay the night, that question didn’t even need to be asked anymore, you both just knew you were always welcome. More than welcome, Eddie hated the nights you weren’t there, and he kept telling himself it was perfectly normal to feel that way towards his best friend.

Back in the trailer, you both stood in the kitchen as Eddie searched through cupboards looking for something to eat. “Do you just wanna order pizza or something? I was meant to go grocery shopping for Wayne but I uh, forgot” Eddie leant against the kitchen counter, his guilty face illuminated by the dim lights above him.

“Why does that not surprise me even a little bit” you shook your head, holding back a laugh as you said it, you hated how endearing you found him. He looked at you with a feigned hurt as his mouth dropped open “You wound me, princess”.

Before you could retaliate by reminding him that not ten minutes ago he announced he had also forgotten to fill up the van with gas, the exact thing that led to you being stuck at Eddie’s trailer for the night, he walked across the room and picked up the phone “What kind of pizza do you want sweets?”.

“I don’t mind Eds, just get your favourite” you mumbled as you walked over to throw yourself down on the sofa, trying to hide how your whole body seemed to react to the nickname. You really needed to work on the whole subtlety thing.

Eddie did order a pizza; he ordered what he knew was your favourite, not his.

He always did this, if there was anything he could do to make you happy, you best believe he would crawl to the ends of the earth to do it. Like when your car broke down and had to be in the garage for a week; Eddie picked you up for school every morning. Sure, it meant he had to wake up an hour earlier than normal, and then drive all the way across town to your house, which was in the opposite direction of the school, to get you. But he promised you he didn’t mind. And he really didn’t. So much so that when your car was fixed, Eddie offered to carry on carpooling with you anyway, he told you it was just easier that way.

“Look, this way you don’t have to waste money on gas, and it’ll stop me from getting bored having to drive on my own. Plus uh, you know, if I’m getting you every morning I might actually graduate this year, turning up on time for school will help with that I ‘spose” Eddie laughed awkwardly as he finished speaking, whilst fiddling with his rings, as you sat across from him in his van. That last part was absolutely true and Eddie knew it. The rest of it was just an excuse to spend time with you. You didn’t need to know that though.

“Okay, Eds, only if you’re sure though, I don’t wanna be a pain in the ass or anything”

“Are you kidding?” Eddie was sure you were joking but then he met your eyes and saw how uncertain you looked - it didn’t matter that you two had been friends for years now, you were still sure that you were a bother to everyone around you. Eddie knew you struggled with feeling secure in your relationships, platonic or romantic. Eddie also knew this was because of your parents; growing up with a mom and dad who made sure to let you know just how much you disrupted their lives, by simply existing, left you with a sort of unhealthy worldview. To put it mildly. You found it nearly impossible to believe that someone could actively choose to have you be a part of their life, let alone change their life to better fit you into it. - Eddie had seen that look on your face a million times, he hated that you saw yourself as such a burden, so instead of making one of his signature sarcastic comments, Eddie said “Y/N do you know how important you are to me? Do you think I would bestow the title of best friend on just anyone? No, absolutely not sweetheart - that title is an honour and it is saved for just you” You giggled as he began his theatrics, voice going all dramatic and hands flying around in emphasis. “So I never want to hear this bullshit about being a pain in my ass again, okay?”

“Okay” heat rushed to your cheeks and you held back a love-struck smile as you looked at Eddie. You really hoped he didn’t notice.

Of course he did, he noticed everything about you. But he somehow still didn’t believe that you were in love with him. Or that he was in love with you. Actually, that was a lie, he knew that he was in love with you, but he promised himself he would never act on those feelings. He tried to push them down and pretend they didn’t exist. He would ignore the way his heart raced whenever he first saw you in the mornings, all smiles accompanied by a small wave as you walked over to his van. He ignored the way that he felt his skin set on fire whenever your hand touched his arm. Or how he felt like the only time anyone really looked at him, was when you looked at him. He knew that if he let himself, his feelings would become all-consuming. So he kept a lock on them, constantly holding the floodgates closed, in hopes that he wouldn’t someday wake up and himself drowning in them. No, Eddie had decided long ago that losing you would be far worse than living with his (what he believed to be) unrequited feelings.

Once Eddie had ordered the pizza he sat down next to you on the sofa, expecting you to lean against him like you normally did. You had always been touchy-feely, always needing to have physical contact with him. Whether it was a hand resting on his arm, or your legs being delicately thrown over his lap whilst you both sat and talked until the early hours of the morning. “Hey” he bumped your shoulder with his, rousing you from your thoughts and you pulled your gaze from the television, where old cartoons were playing silently and looked at him. “Hey to you too” you whispered back.

“I really am sorry we couldn’t go to the concert” he murmured sheepishly. You saw the genuine guilt on his face and it was hard not to reach over and hug him. “I’m an idiot” he continued to talk when you didn’t reply. “You really are an idiot’ you said with fake seriousness, his mouth dropped and he scoffed, trying to look offended by your words. You leaned into him more and laughed “But you’re my idiot, so it’s okay. I wouldn’t want you any other way.” You told him, and you saw him bite back a smile, trying to hide how smitten he was with you.

“Right back at you sweets”

“Eddie Munson are you saying I’m an idiot too” you pulled back your head from where it had dropped onto his shoulder and looked at him properly for the first time you had walked back into the trailer, you felt your cheeks heat up from your close proximity to him.

“What- no, no I just meant like, I wouldn’t want you any other way either! Y’know? You’re pretty damn perfect” Eddie spoke those last words so quietly you almost didn’t hear them.

“I don't think so. I think you’re just biased. I’ve tricked you into liking me actually, didn’t you know that?” you giggled as Eddie reacted to what you said. “Oh yeah? And how have you done that?” Eddie leant further away from you so he could really look at you. “Well I can’t tell you that or it would ruin it! But we both know it wasn’t my sparkling personality that won you over” you joked.

When you met Eddie you were in a pretty bad place mentally, you had never gotten along with your parents but it got really bad a couple of years ago, around the same time you became friends; safe to say you weren’t much fun to be around. You still struggled to understand why Eddie had even bothered to spend the time breaking through the walls you had put up around yourself, but he did. And you loved him for that, no one else had ever spent so much time getting to know who you really were.

“Don’t say that. It actually was your dazzling personality that did it for me I’ll have you know. You might not like yourself sometimes but I’m a pretty big fan, you’re the only thing your damn parents did right, I should probably thank them for that one day.” You pulled your legs up to your chest and wrapped your arms around them, looking away from Eddie and back to the cartoons playing. “You’re so cheesy” It was all you could think to say, he was being sweet again and you didn’t trust yourself to say much more without giving away how desperately in love you were.

Before you could register what was happening Eddie had jumped up abruptly and was halfway across the room, leaning down to put music on. “What’re you doing’ you asked him. “Jus’ though that even if we can’t go to the concert that doesn’t mean we can’t still have fun” He turned and held his hand out for you to take, a smile plastered on his face, the kind of smile that felt like he had swept you off your feet into a tight hug. You couldn’t say no to Eddie, so you reached your hand out and he grabbed it, pulling you up gently.

The music kicked in and you laughed as Eddie started singing along to it “What’re we doing?” you shouted slightly so he could hear your voice over the song. “We’re being rockstars, what else?” Eddie let go of your hand and suddenly started singing more energetically, hands flailing around him as he danced to the music - it wasn’t good dancing, but in his defence, it was kind of hard to dance to his kind of music.

You watched him and couldn’t stop the laughs that bubbled up inside of you, “Come on princess don’t leave me to do this alone, I’ll look ridiculous by myself!” You shook your head and then started singing as loud as you could. Eddie shouted in delight and joined back in, watching as you sang and danced around the living room, the only lights being a small lamp in the corner and the TV set illuminating the room. You don’t know how long you did this for, you must have gone through three or four songs, both of you acting like you were on stage, Eddie even did air guitar at one point. That made you stop and keel over laughing, you knew he could play the guitar, but his air guitar was awful, not even trying to make it look realistic. You loved it.

“Dance with me” You stopped your little performance - you thought you were doing pretty good if you did say so yourself - and looked at Eddie. “We are dancing” You responded. “No, dance with me.” Eddie walked over to you and his fingers grazed yours. “Eds we can’t exactly dance to this” you retaliated, though you still let him hold your hands in his bigger ones. “Sure we can” smiled “Just follow my lead”. He went to move one hand to your waist and hesitated before holding you, checking that this was okay with you. You smiled and nodded gently. One of your hands was still in his, and the other you had rested on his shoulder. He started swaying you both back and forth and you couldn’t help but bite back a smile

“Eddie this is ridicu-”

“Shh, jus’ dance with me. Ignore the music, kay?” Eddie looked at you so seriously that your breath almost hitched in your throat.

“Okay” Your voice was so quiet you were surprised he even heard you.

You and Eddie danced around the living room without saying another word to the other. The light from the TV flashing across both your faces. Eddie swirled you around and then pulled you in closer than you were before, chests almost touching. He stared right into your eyes and you did the same right back. You felt the mood change suddenly, but also not suddenly. Like you had both been waiting months for a chance like this, neither of you being brave enough to initiate anything until tonight. A haze fell over you and felt your whole body lean into him more, almost involuntarily. Like there had always been some invisible string connecting both of you, and you were finally going to stop fighting it.

With Eddie’s hands on your lower back and yours thrown around his neck, time seemed to stop. You couldn’t even hear the music anymore, all you could think about was Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. And how perfect he looked, how dark his eyes were, how his hair around his face and all you wanted to do was tangle your hands in it. You felt him move one of his hands up your back, all the way up to rest on your cheek, his thumb moving in small circles just under your eye. “Y/N I-”

A loud, abrupt knock on the door had both of you jumping back about a mile. “Shit, the pizza” Eddie froze for a moment then seemed to snap out of it, he turned off the music and grabbed his money to pay for the pizza. You stood there not saying anything as you tried to process what had just happened. What could have happened. Your brain was all fuzzy and your hands felt shaky and you hated how overwhelmed you get with everything.

You sat down on the sofa and turned the sound back on the TV. Were you supposed to say something? Act as if nothing had happened? You had no idea. Eddie had thanked the guy for the pizza and he brought it over to you, placing it between you both, sitting down on the other end of the sofa.

Shit. You had messed up. But he had been the one who held you like that, he was the one who pulled you closer. Shit, shit, shit. You didn’t want to lose your best friend.

“You okay?” Eddie asked, you followed his eye line down and saw how aggressively you were messing with your hands. You hadn’t even realised you were doing it. Fuck. “Yeah, m’fine. Hungry” You grabbed a piece of pizza and stared straight ahead at the TV.

Eddie didn’t push the matter. He was terrified he had just ruined everything, he tried so hard to push his feelings down, but at that moment he just couldn’t anymore. For a moment he thought you were okay with it, for a crazy second he swore you looked just as dizzy in love as he did. But then you both had to jump apart and you didn’t say anything. He brought the pizza over, and you still didn’t say anything. He sat away from you so you didn’t feel like he was trying to push himself on you. And just then you had so obviously brushed him off like you didn’t even want to look at him anymore. Shit, he thought, nice job asshole, you scared her away.

You both sat and ate the pizza in silence, watching whatever was playing on the TV. You finally braved a look over at Eddie and you couldn’t for the life of you work out the expression on his face. Annoyance? Hurt? His eyes were glued to the TV and his lips were pressed together in a firm line. You uncrossed your legs and stood up “Bathroom” you simply said to Eddie, walking faster than normal, not wanting him to notice how your eyes had started to water, or how your lip was quivering.

You shut the door behind you and rested all your weight against it. Desperately trying to stop the tears you could feel threatening to fall. Your hands rested by your side, palms on the door as you steadied yourself. Closing your eyes you made a split decision that when you walked out of the bathroom you would tell Eddie you were feeling ill, with any luck he’d believe you and you could both go to bed.

Before you left the bathroom you walked in front of the mirror and stared back at yourself. Your eyeliner had smudged slightly from the tears you couldn’t stop, and the colour had drained from your face, how did you look so wrecked just from what had happened? Nothing had even happened! It was just the rush of so many emotions that had washed over you during the past hour. You shook your head, almost trying to shake the thoughts about Eddie out of your mind. It didn't work.

When you walked out of the bathroom you saw Eddie standing in the kitchen. His back to you as he put the leftover pizza in the fridge, then grabbed a post-it note and pen. Presumably to write a note to Wayne letting him know there was food left for him. You stood in the bathroom doorway for a second and then took a shaky breath before you walked to the kitchen, standing next to Eddie near the counter.

“I’m not feeling so-”

“Did you want to-”

You both spoke over each other and then cut yourselves off as you awkwardly waited for the other to speak. “Uh sorry, what’d you say?” Eddie looked at you with those doe eyes again and you felt your heart break. Again. “S’just that I’m not feeling so good” you saw the sudden panic spread across his face and instantly regretted saying it. “M’just tired I think, It’s been a long night. We should probably both just go to sleep, yeah?” You leaned back against the counter and you could just make out Eddie’s face drop slightly, features illuminated in the light of the fridge he had left open. He had turned out the lamp that was on before, you noticed. Making it even darker than it had been before.

He moved to stand in front of you and his eyes flicked across your face, so quickly you almost missed it. Then, almost too casually he just said “Oh yeah okay, that’s fine. D’you want me to sleep out here, you want some space?” You normally just slept in the same bed, it had never bothered you, or Eddie, before. The fact that he asked you that question told you everything you needed to know. He could see through the whole facade you were putting up. You dropped your gaze to the wall behind Eddie and crossed your arms over your chest. “No, no it's not- I don’t want you to leave me alone or anything” your voice was so quiet Eddie had to lean in slightly to make out what you were saying. “I just uh, I guess. Fuck” you were getting visibly frustrated with yourself and Eddie didn’t quite know what was going on with you.

“Y/N hey. Look at me.” Eddie’s soft voice rang out through the deafening silence and you felt tears starting to prick at your eyes again. No, no, no, you could not cry. Not right now. “Okay, why don’t I go get some blankets and pillows and we can sit on the sofa, watch a film or something yeah? M’not that tired, you can fall asleep though if you need sweets.”

You finally broke your gaze from the wall behind Eddie as he started to move away from you. Before you realised what you had done, you grabbed his wrist and he stopped dead in his tracks, turning back to face you, his eyebrows raising in a silent question. Your grip on his wrist loosened a bit and he took the opportunity to intertwine his fingers with yours, in an attempt to ground you. “Can you jus’ stay with me for a second” you whispered timidly.

“Yeah. Yeah ‘of course I can. I can do whatever you want me to, you know that. You just need to tell me what you need.” Eddie whispered back just as quietly as you had.

“Don’t say stuff like that” you were right on the edge, you were so overwhelmed. You just needed him, needed to be close to him.

“Why not?” Eddie squeezed your hand and you were back in the position you were at the start of the night. Eddie stood in front of you, holding your hand, trying to get you out of your own mind. Eddie was the only person you could do that. Make you feel okay again.

‘Because” you replied, your voice straining as you said it.

“Because what, sweetheart” Eddie breathed. He was right on the edge with you.

Fuck it.

Your free hand reached up to grab the back of his neck and you pulled Eddie into you. Your lips meeting so softly and quickly that you almost didn’t register what has happened. But it had happened. You had kissed Eddie. You pulled back and stared at Eddie, you saw the shock wash over his face and for a minute you thought the worst.

But then he reached up with both hands to cup your cheeks and smashed his lips onto yours. It felt real this time. You didn’t even hesitate for a second, kissing Eddie back with just as much need as he kissed you. Your lips slotting together perfectly, like you were made to kiss only each other. Your hands fisted in his t-shirt as you desperately pulled him closer, mouths moving against each others in perfect harmony, you both moved at exactly the right time, kissing deeper and longer each time.

Kissing Eddie felt like floating and drowning at the same time. It felt like falling into bed after an impossibly long day. It felt like that first sip of water you take in the morning. It felt like waking up to snow when you were a child. It felt like everything you ever needed.

You only pulled away from each other when you physically couldn't breathe anymore. Both leaning your foreheads against each other as you breathed heavily, trying to get your breaths back.

“Fuck sweetheart” Eddie lowered his hands to your waist and you felt electricity run through you everywhere his hands were. “Uh-huh” was all you could say in response, you weren’t sure words would come out even if you tried to speak. “Are you okay? M’sorry I didn’t mean to get so um. You just, you kissed me and I. We don’t have to do this, I know you’re not feeling-” You smiled and it stopped Eddie from talking. “Just kiss me, Eddie”.

You didn’t have to ask him twice. He smiled a giddy smile and kissed you again. Your hands moved to rest at the nape of his neck and you tilted your head, letting Eddie kiss you more. That was all you wanted. More, more, more. He felt like your life-support.

Eddie could feel the desperation from the way your hands pulled gently at his hair and he had to hold back a whimper. He ran his tongue over your bottom lip, silently asking for permission. You granted it immediately, opening your mouth and letting Eddie slip his tongue into yours, deepening the kiss. You let out an honest-to-goodness moan, but you couldn’t bring yourself to be embarrassed.

You just kept kissing Eddie.

All you could think about was his tongue in your mouth and how soft his lips felt. How soft his hair was between your fingers as you pulled on it gently. How perfect his hands are on your cheeks, waist, neck, everywhere, all at once. It was so overwhelming, in the most perfect way.

Eddie pushed you back slightly so that you were completely pressed up against the counter. You separated for only a split second so you could take a breath, but Eddie didn’t go far. His lips trailed down your jaw and to your neck, kissing every bit of your skin he could.

You threw your head back, exposing more of your neck for Eddie to kiss. He left little open-mouth kisses all over. He felt your whole body shiver and he realised he’d found your sweet spot. He smiled into your neck and doubled his efforts, alternating between sucking and kissing you right there, his teeth grazing over it occasionally. Your whole body was on fire, you were sure of it.

You reached your hands deeper into Eddie’s hair and pushed him further into your neck “Fuck Eddie it’s so-”

“What sweetheart” Eddie mumbled into your neck, not letting up for even a second.

“Feels so good Eds” you whimpered out and Eddie swore he died there and then. He sucked harder on your sweet spot and licked his tongue over it to soothe it.

You pulled him back up you and smashed your mouth into his with so much desperation that they met with a clatter of teeth and noses banging into each other, but it was all you needed. This time you pushed your tongue into his mouth and his thumb rubbed soft circles into your cheek. You made out for who knows how long, it might have been five minutes or an hour, but you couldn’t tell anymore. All you know is at some point Eddie lifted you onto the counter and his hand went to your thigh, encouraging you to wrap your legs around his waist.

You lowered your mouth to Eddie's neck, just like he had done to you, and you didn’t let up until he was outright moaning, pulling your body as close to his as was physically possible. “Angel we should stop” Eddie managed to moan out.

You stopped instantly and raised your head to look at him “Are you okay?” you asked, sounding just as fucked out as you felt. He had barely touched you and you were a goner.

“Am I okay? Shit sweetheart. Yeah, I’m okay, S’just” Eddie’s hands were rubbing up and down your back, as he spoke to you. “We should probably stop now, right?”

You knew what Eddie was asking. “What if I don’t want to stop,” you replied quietly.

“You don’t?”

“No, I don’t” Eddie let out a shaky breath and you felt his grip on you get a little bit tighter.

“Sweetheart, I really need you to tell me exactly what it is you want here.”

Fuck it. “I want you to touch me, Eddie”

Within a second Eddie had lifted you off the counter and carried you over to the sofa, laying you down as he hovered above you, going back to kissing you instantly. His hands on either side of your head, holding himself up.

You wrapped your legs back around Eddie's waist, silently begging him to come closer. He obliged as he rested more of his weight on you, grinding his hips down ever so gently, but it was enough to pull a moan from the back of your throat.

“Yeah, sweetheart” Eddie smirked down at you and moved to kiss your neck. “That feel good?”

“Eddie- fuck, more” Your eyes felt so heavy and all you could focus on was how good he was making you feel already. You raised your hips slightly, trying to get the pressure just where you needed it; but you were so fucked out that your movements were erratic and desperate. Eddie laughed quietly and kept grinding his hips into, going a bit harder as he realised this was without a doubt what you wanted. Using his hand that wasn’t holding him up to grab onto your hip, gently moving his hand under the fabric so it was resting on your small bit of skin that was now exposed.

“Shit angel keep making those pretty noises for me, kay? Can you do that?” Eddie lifted his head from your neck and watched your face, your eyes almost shut and your mouth dropped open slightly; your cheeks flushing a bright crimson.

When you didn’t answer him he stopped moving his hips and you let out a desperate whimper. And Eddie had to hold himself back from fucking you there and then, he never imagined you’d be so pretty like this. “Look at me, hey. I said are you gonna keep making those pretty noises for me?” Eddie dipped down to press a chaste kiss to your mouth. “Use your words sweetheart”

“fuck.. yeah please.. please just” Your legs tightened their hold on his waist and you tried so hard to compose yourself. “Jus’ touch me. Please”

“Okay okay. I’ve got you sweets.” Eddie moved his hand so slowly you were sure he was teasing you. Which he was to some extent, but he also just wanted you to have time to change your mind.

Eddie’s hand grazed your thigh and his fingers gently began to move your skirt up around your hips. “‘S this okay love?”

Fuck. The pet names were going to be the death of you. “Yes yes please, ‘s more than okay” You sounded so breathless that Eddie moved back to kiss you again, he wasn’t sure if he did it to calm you or calm himself. As your mouths moved against each other, his fingers rested on your panties and his breath hitched as he felt how wet you were.

“Jesus baby why didn’t you say something sooner? You’re dripping angel”

“Mhm. ‘M sorry”

“Don’t say sorry. Jus’ wish I’d known sooner. Shit, thought about you like this so much.” Eddie grazed his fingers over you again and you moved your hips against his hand, you didn’t know if it was his hand or his words that had you whimpering out little breathless ‘please’ and ‘ed’s’ but it seemed to be all you could say anymore.

“‘M right here okay, don’t need to beg pretty, not this time anyway” Eddie’s eyes locked with yours again as he dipped his fingers under the fabric covering your cunt and dragged his fingers through your folds, coating his fingers in you before he started to rub over your clit.

“Oh fuck- holy shit” Your back arched off the sofa and Eddie didn’t break eye contact with you for one second, completely in awe of how reactive you were being with him. Sure he’d slept with other people before, but they’d never been like you were. You were so sensitive to everything he did, all he’d done was rub small, slow circles over your clit and you were putty in his hands.

“You’re so sensitive sweetheart. ‘S it always like this? or is this just for me?” Eddie dipped his head down to your neck again and started sucking on your sweet spot - making you mewl and whimper underneath him even more than you already were.

“Never like this.. oh shit.. ‘s just you. you’re so good” You were just saying words at this point, your brain couldn’t keep up with your mouth. You pushed your head back into the sofa even more, trying to expose more of your neck for Eddie to kiss and mark.

Eddie made some unintelligible noise into your neck to let you know he’d heard what you just said. His two fingers halted their movements and your eyes flew open to see what he was doing. He smirked at your reaction, shit if you got this desperate each time he was a dead man.

He moved one finger down and slowly dipped it inside yoy. You let out an embarrassingly loud moan and your hands grabbed at Eddie’s t-shirt desperately. He knew what you were asking for before you even had time to ask. He sat up slightly, removing his hand from your cunt, and pulled his t-shirt off, throwing it somewhere in the living room. You had seen Eddie topless a few times, but you had always made an effort not to stare, excusing yourself from the room or just averting your eyes. But now you were staring without shame, and was so pretty.

You reached up for him again and wrapped your arms around his back. He leant back down to his previous position and moved his hand back down to where you so desperately needed him.

Eddie was trying to be a gentleman here, and take it slow. But he could feel how desperate he was now. He looked at your face again as he took two of his fingers and dipped them inside you.

“Oh fuck.. ed’s” You moaned out as his fingers started moving in and out of you. You couldn’t get over how perfect this all felt, it wasn’t even slightly awkward. But that was probably helped by how talented Eddie was with his fingers. He does play guitar, you thought. Of course.

Eddie didn’t move down to kiss you again, and when you tried to lift your head up to him he tutted and you dropped it again confused. His hand resting next to your head fisted into the cushion you were resting your head on. “Stay there angel, I wanna see your face when you cum okay?”

You nodded your head so quickly he laughed breathily and whispered a quiet “good girl”.

Fuck. You were sure you died there and then.

Your eyebrows furrowed together and you let out the sweetest little sound he had heard you make all night. “Oh shit- you wanna be my good girl sweetheart?” Eddie had a shit-eating grin on his face, his fingers not faltering for even a second.

“Yeah,, oh god,, baby please”

You had never called Eddie anything like that before. But baby? Before he had realised what he was doing he had moved to have both of his legs encompassing one of yours, and he grinded his hips down onto your soft thigh. Desperate for some sort of friction.

You watched as Eddi moved against you and let out a tiny, almost inaudible moan. Shit, you made a mental note to make him make those sounds much more often.

Eddie curled his fingers up inside you and hit your sweet spot. Your nails dug into the skin of his back as you tried to ground yourself. Eddie made you feel like you were floating.

You felt the pressure building and building inside of you and you knew you couldn’t hold on much longer.

“Eddie ‘m gonna cum” you breathed out.

Eddie snapped his head up from where his neck had dipped slightly, lost in how good you felt and sounded.

“Yeah baby? Gonna be a good girl and cum for me”

You whimpered and nodded your head, closing your eyes tightly as you felt that coil in your stomach tightening.

“Fuck angel come on. cum for me” Eddie kept his fingers moving just the way you needed him to. His eyes locked on your face, contorted in pleasure.

“Shit ed’s,, oh god,, please fuck” You didn’t even know what you were begging for. You just needed Eddie. Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. You were so drunk on him you felt dizzy. You didn’t even realise you were moaning his name over and over.

“I know sweetheart, I’m right here. Let go for me, come on”

That was all it took to push you over the edge, you felt that pressure run through you and it felt so so good. Your eyes screwed tightly shut and your mouth hanging open as your back arched, like your body was trying to get as close to Eddie as was humanly possible.

“That’s my girl. Fuck,, Jus’ let go for f’me” Eddie didn’t slow his fingers for even a second, determined to drag your orgasm out for as long as possible.

“Shit baby you’re so fuckin’ pretty when you come” You barely heard Eddie over the ringing in your ears. Your whole body felt white-hot and you weren’t sure what noises you were making, but Eddie seemed to like them. Grinding his hips down on your thigh faster and harder. His own moans seemingly getting louder with every movement. Until you felt him drop his weight down onto you and bury his face in your neck.

Suddenly everything seemed to get too much and you pushed Eddie’s hand away from you, your whole body shaking. You opened your eyes and realised you had left marks all over Eddie’s back.

Eddie lifted his head from your neck and pulled his hand up to his mouth, before you could ask what he was doing he had dipped his fingers into his mouth as he licked you off of him.

That might have been the hottest thing you had ever seen. Eddie noticed the blush that crept onto your face and asked “You want a taste angel?”

You just grabbed his wrist and pulled his two fingers into your mouth, running your tongue over them again and again.

“Eddie that was-“

“Yeah”

You turned your head to the side trying to hide your face from. You don’t know why you were getting nervous now, but Eddie wasn’t having any of it. He gently grabbed your chin with his thumb and pointer finger and lowered his lips to yours. Your mouth opening instantly to let his tongue run over your own.

You made out for a while, your hands intertwined. You both just needed a minute to breathe. Which was made slightly more difficult with his tongue in your mouth. But you worked around it.

After a while Eddie pulled back, not moving his body off you, just lifting his head enough to look at you. The hand that wasn’t holding yours pushed your hair back behind your ear. You blushed and he thought it was adorable that he had just made you come and yet that made you nervous.

“Hey uh if it wasn’t already obvious. I uh, am ridiculously in love with you.” You stared at Eddie, taking in his confession.

“I’m in love with you too, dumbass.”

authors note: this is the first fanficiton i have ever written, so it's safe to say i'm more than a little nervous to be posting it. this was originally meant to be a drabble so i have no idea how it got to 7.9k. also i'm sorry the smut is so bad and short! i had no idea how to write it so it kind of got cut short, regardless i hope you enjoyed it, maybe<3

also i'm sorry if there are any spelling or grammar errors! i proof read this once and then gave up <3

tags: @myobmaya @ali-r3n

#eddie munson fluff #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x fem!reader smut #eddie munson comfort #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie smut #eddie munson stranger things #stranger things #eddie stranger things #stranger things 4 #eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson the love of my life

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lovingpiastri · 2 months ago

Text

TRY HARD

ꪆৎ confessing to your loser best friend after years of torturous mutual pining turned out just like all the coming of age movies so unrealistically depict.

warnings: LOSER OSCAR!!!!, heavily inspired by juno mcguff & paulie bleeker, highschool au, swearing and use of y/n

the fearful football field that any outcast avoided like the plague , dodging invitations of attending late night friday games with no care to tie into the team spirit of supporting a sweaty team of gruesome brainless jocks who use two of their collectively shared braincells to form some strategy to win the game. they're neurons are simply replaced with the gallons of sickly protein powder they consume.

'bring it home', the brainwashed fans roar, disillusioned to the fact they will loose. and they loose hard.

perhaps you just found yourself in the stereotypically cliché coming of age that any other sixteen year old girl existed in whilst blood orange rang out in the background . perhaps you embodied the overly bothered adolescent that rejected the idea of the male protagonist engaging in friendships with anyone but her. that wasn't a perhaps that was an abso-fucking-lutely.

not to present you as insufferable but when the quarter back golden boy detected oscar's skill in something other than reading four hundred words per minute it shook the whole football team to the ground, crumbling a path for him to grasp that bizzarely shaped ball every practice and competitive game.

slowly but surely oscar's absence at your traditional friday night marathon of the big bang theory irked you more than you would admit.. all until you scolded him on your hamburger phone .

backtracking back to the annoyance and irritation you suffered from his sudden truanices escalated rapidly from the typical excuse of just missing your friend . afterall sharing a twin sized bed together since the age of ten when movie night over-ran was destined to have some underlying emotions laying beneath the horizon.

it all slammed you like a jam-packed bus in bio-chem last period of the day, the same lesson osc usually presented himself to the right of you. the one that tolerated your whingeing of how the science stools ached your 'grandma-back' to a pulp.

holy shit you're in love with him... HOLY SHIT YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HIM!?!?!?

and this is where the cliché rom-com script makes its grand entrance , the ones you and osc would take the mick out of it. but now both of you would have to suffer the anguish of confessions rising above the horizon, much too frigid to talk about your feelings at all to the other. that's the price you pay, for falling for your best friends.

"piastri!" you call out , lungs deprived of oxygen after the non stop sprint you managed to pull off all the way from the science labs and across the yards of grassy terrain the football field consisted of.

"y/l/n? what are you- didn't you say- ... gosh." he didn't know where to begin, seeing you again after that vexatious phone call from a few nights ago was like a breath of fresh air and the oxygen wasn't allowing him to express his emotions through words.

"just let me talk," you step towards him , unable to make out his facial features from the enormously huge helmet that protected his noggin . the patterns of smudged eye black contoured across his cheeks didn't help either, it was a shame you weren't able to see his rosey fluster that erupted on his cheeks after minimal physical activity- calm down y/n!

"i-. . i think i'm in love with you?" you sounded out , the tone of your voice reaching a high you didn't know existed.

"you think?" his teasing tone was already making a come back, despite days of radio silence on both of yours ends. it was like not a flaw in the system occured.

"no- no i know i am !" you're voice reached a panicky rise, realising how your words sounded clear with uncertainty. certainly not how you were expected for this to roll out.

"you mean as friends?" oscar's usual mr. teasing master persona is replaced selfishly with a false hope , desperately reciting prayers in his head to make your confession be the one he's been anticipating since the beginning of freshman year. the year filled with vibrant brace brackets which he saw passed, because oscar still cherished you just the way you are. especially the moments you let him stick colourful magnets from recent vacations across the globe to your metal adorned teeth.

"no.. i mean for real . 'cause you're like the coolest person i've ever met , and you don't even have to try." this time a cheeky grin can be evident in your voice , your pearly whites shining in the spotlight as you stare directly at his face which looked more than silly carrying his well too big helmet.

"i try really hard, actually.." he says with a weak smile , beginning to pull off his tedious helmet to give you a better view of his facial expressions. "sorry- uhm can i kiss you or even a peck?" the anxiety was there, but it would all be at ease as soon as his chapped lips met with your vanilla bean lipgloss lathered ones.

"you don't need to ask osc." you immediately snatch his face down to reach your height, the palms of your hands drenching eye black but not a care in the world was present.

the kiss was tremendously sweet, your inexperienced arses were clashing teeths and tongues in the process but it couldn't be more perfect , you could've even sworn that the melodies of 'anyone else but you' by the moldy peaches were ringing out in the announcement speakers!

©lovingpiastri

#formula 1 #f1 #loving piastri #mclaren #oscar piastri drabble #oscar piastri x reader #oscar piastri fluff #oscar piastri oneshot

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softxsuki · 6 months ago

Note

Hallo~ I’m not sure if urgent requests are even open~

But, uhm. Could you please write Kyojuro fluff and comfort abt gro*ming? It’s been something I’ve struggled with for a few years by now. While it wasn’t anything too bad, it was still traumatizing. I was often talked about inappropriate subjects online and was vented to by the person. I feel kinda dirty and shit.

anyways, uhm. If you’re not open for urgent requests, then take your time :). Thank you so much!! Love your works <33

Rengoku Comforts Reader Who Has Been Gr**med

Please don't read if mentions of gr**ming is more triggering for you than comforting please! I don't go into detail with it, but please proceed with caution!

Warning: Very brief mentions of gr**ming, mentions of an older man talking inappropriately to someone under age, trauma

Note: Hi DB! Sorry for the wait. It's always a struggle for me to jump back into my writing after not writing for a while. I also don't think I've written much for Rengoku as a whole, so I'm pretty rusty still. Regardless, I hope this provides you with even a drop of comfort after going though this kind of situation. I made it platonic since I wasn't sure what you wanted with that, and I also tried to make it fit the DS universe rather than modern time, it's just how I prefer to write for DS, so I hope that's okay! Thank you for your support <3 Hope you enjoy!

Rengoku:

Kyojuro is an upstanding man who looks to protect those under him

So when he found out about your situation in receiving letters from a man who was older than you–too old for you, he took action quickly

He could immediately sense what was wrong with the picture, an older man having inappropriate conversations with you, who was much younger, as if it was normal…

Many questions formed in his head. How did you get in this situation? Had you realized right away what was going on or did it start to feel wrong over time? Who was this guy anyway?

Seeing how shaken you looked speaking to him about it, Kyojuro took you in his arms in a tight hug, his warmth immediately consuming you

You were his student, someone he had sworn to protect and teach–how could he have not noticed this was happening?

He’s already looking for ways to track this man down to give him a stern talking to and making sure he doesn’t do this with anyone else, hoping to put a stop to it before the man decides to take things even further next time

“You’re okay. It’s unfortunate someone of his age has resorted to such gross techniques in conversing so graphically to someone under the age of consent,” he says with a sigh, gently patting your back as he continues to hug you.

“This isn’t your fault, Y/N. I failed as your superior to notice something was going on. I should have been more vigilant so you didn’t have to experience something like this. I will find him and ensure justice is restored. He’ll be locked away and known as an outcast in his village. This I vow to you.”

He’d pull away from the hug and glance at you with a smile, patting your head gently

As the man of justice that he is, just know he will track this guy down and make him pay for traumatizing you

From that moment forward, he’s more aware of the letters you receive, hoping it’s just from your family, or friends who were your age and you knew

Kyojuro becomes your support through the days moving forward, continuously reassuring you that you did nothing wrong and it was only the man’s fault for targeting someone who couldn’t tell what he was doing was inappropriate

Tells you countless times that you aren't dirty or ruined, you're still you, his precious student; his view on you has remained entirely that same

He does a great job at keeping your mind off it though. Taking you on strolls through nearby villages where he introduces you to some people closer to your age that you’d make great friends with, as well as being his joyful self

He makes you feel safe and secure, the light of his flame surrounding you almost as a shield, ready to burn anyone that even thinks about hurting you physically or mentally ever again

You’re in VERY capable, warm hands

Posted: 7/8/2024

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valley-of-headcanons · 6 months ago

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Could you maybe do headcanons of the bachelorettes with a farmer who gets lonely easily? If not all of them, then maybe just Emily, Leah, and Haley.

emily, haley, and leah x lonely!farmer || headcanons

loneliness is a rough battle, but these bachelorettes are here by your side <3

warnings: none really, takes place before dating

requested by: anon! hii, tysm for the request! i really enjoyed writing this one, i feel pretty lonely a lot of the time too. these lovely ladies sure can combat that shit tho! this is my first time really writing for emily and feeling kinda good about it, so there's that! hope you like it :)

emily

• Emily is not the most lonely person. She used to be, but she found solace within herself. She has her life in order, and she took charge! But, she does remember how she used to be. There once was a little girl who was nervous, who didn't know what to do with herself. But, she found it. And maybe she could find the solution to yours as well.

• When you opened up to her about everything, she tried her best to be understanding. She nodded along, thinking hard for a solution. She hummed, before hopping up for her chair. She raced to the other side of her room, grabbing a crystal. She plopped it into your palm, closing your fingers around it.

• “It's moonstone! It's used to combat loneliness! I know you're having a rough time right now, but I'm gonna help you through it as much as I can! This is just a stepping stone, and something you can use if you truly need it, but I'm gonna try and stop by more often. I'll check up on you once a day if I can, 'kay?”

• Emily would pop in at the most random times at the most random of occasions. Down at floor 20 of the mines? Emily would shout a little "hey!" at you from the ladder. In the cave of your farm? Emily would sneak up behind you and scare the daylights out of you. Chopping hardwood in the Secret Woods? Emily's sitting on a stump eating her lunch while waving at you. She made your life so much more interesting, and much less lonely.

• As you two start dating, her visits are a bit more frequent and usually come bearing gifts. Food she made for you, a small gemstone she thought you might find useful on your journey for the day, maybe just a flower she picked out of the ground she thought you might like. She wants you to feel her love and warmth, even in unconventional ways. Putting Emily and conventional in the same sentence is nearly impossible, and you can't get enough of it.

haley

• Haley seems like the kind of person to be a socialite. She's stereotypically beautiful, kind of mean, and looks like she'd be the life of the party! But there's not much of a "party" in Pelican Town. She feels a bit like an outcast, so when you open up to her about your loneliness, she can relate a lot.

• She is a great listener, opting to stay quiet while you talk about how lonely it gets on your farm. It's much different from the big city, in good ways and bad ways. Haley listens, filing her nails as she hums along to your problems. She nods, understanding what you mean completely.

• “Yeah, I get you. Me and you aren't so different, y'know. I have better style and much better taste, but ... maybe we could be lonely together ... or something like that- I don't know- like- ... like friends. That word is not something I use a lot, so be grateful! ... but if you're ever feeling lonely, I'm a call away. And I'll call you whenever I feel lonely. Deal?”

• Calling Haley became a daily ritual. If you were doing something time consuming yet boring on your farm, you'd dial her up and talk for a while. About a magazine she was reading, who she saw at the Saloon together, anything. She'd hate to admit it, but talking to you was the brightest part of every day. You were her safe space, away from all the loneliness of Pelican Town. She was yours, too.

• Eventually, you two start dating, and the loneliness has been brought down to a minimum. You two spend an enormous amount of time together, pretty much attached to the hip. Who else would you ever need? If you're ever feeling lonely, even with her, let her know. She'd do anything to make you feel more comfortable. You're changing her for the better.

leah

• Leah's cottage felt so far away from the rest of Pelican Town, so she definitely felt the loneliness you had brought up to her one day. She listened, nodding along and agreeing to pretty much every word you said. She tried thinking of solutions, wanting to fix the problem you both had. Maybe you two could help each other, in the long run.

• The idea struck her. What if you two just did things separately but together? Working alongside each other, not necessarily speaking, but enjoying each other's company. Maybe the time she spent carving her sculptures wouldn't feel as lonely.

• “I got an idea. Maybe you could start fishing by my cottage, and I could set up shop outside? So you wouldn't really be alone, but I wouldn't be bothering you. Doin' things together, but not together ... do you get me? I knew you would. I guess we're just on the same wavelength! Tomorrow, twelve o'clock? I'll see you there, farmer!”

• Almost everyday, you met with Leah. Twelve o'clock, sharp. You would sit by the river, fishing away, while Leah carved at her newest sculpture. You shared the peaceful scenery of the forest, enjoying the soothing sounds of the river beneath you. You slowly started sharing occasional words, which turned into endless conversations. Those conversations were the highlight of Leah's day, week, month, year, lifetime. She couldn't get enough of them.

• You didn't feel nearly as lonely once you started dating, as Leah would offer to work alongside you whenever she could. Of course, if you needed emotional support, she would put down her supplies and care for you. You mattered a lot to her, and she happily took your loneliness into her hands. She loved you and cared for you deeply, and for once in her life, she knew that you felt the same exact way. She would do anything for you.

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savagewildnerness · 5 months ago

Text

It’s for Nicolas’ unfulfillable yearning. I know some people think Nicolas never loved Lestat, but I truly think he did. Lestat often talks about his own self-hatred and how he loves himself, but doesn’t like himself… and I think in romantic partners he is drawn to people who understand this. But Nicolas is consumed by self-hatred. It eats away at him, and in the end, it eats away at Lestat too. I think Nicolas loves Lestat, and in a way he loves him all the more as he has zero love or care for his own self… but sadly sadly sadly for Nicolas and for Lestat, the darkness in Nicolas does destroy him… and it even threatens to take Lestat too. I do feel like it must be cathartic for Lestat to feel Nicolas' music, in part because Nicolas expresses his pain and internal experience in his music, and Lestat feels that as it reflects his own internal experience so he feels understood. Ironically, Lestat rarely speaks his darkest thoughts aloud and so few know of his internal. darkness (beyond those who read his books). Lestat, conversely exudes light and radiance in his art - and Nicolas must feel it bestowed upon himself and all in a way that confuses, as it must feel like the light of a radiant God in a way... yet Nicolas is only true aware of the dark place his own artistic expression comes from... I ramble on. Anyway.

"There is someone out there watching me, " I said.

"Everyone's watching you, " Nicki said. "That's what you want. " He was feeling a little sad that evening, and his answer was slightly sharp. Earlier when he was making the fire, he had said he would never amount to much with the violin. In spite of his ear and his skill, there was too much he didn't know. And I would be a great actor, he was sure. I had said this was nonsense, but it was a shadow falling over my soul. I remembered my mother telling me that it was too late for him. He wasn't envious, he said. He was just unhappy a little, that's all. I decided to drop the matter of the mysterious face. I tried to think of some way to encourage him. I reminded him that his playing produced profound emotions in people, that even the actors backstage stopped to listen when he played. He had an undeniable talent.

"But I want to be a great violinist, " he said. "And I'm afraid it will never be. As long as we were at home, I could pretend that it was going to be. "

"You can't give up on it! " I said.

"Lestat, let me be frank with you, " he said. "Things are easy for you. What you set your sights on you get for yourself. I know what you're thinking about all the years you were miserable at home. But even then, what you really set your mind to, you accomplished. And we left for Paris the very day that you decided to do it. "

"You don't regret coming to Paris, do you? " I asked.

"Of course not. I simply mean that you think things are possible which aren't possible! At least not for the rest of us. Like killing the wolves... " A coldness passed over me when he said this. And for some reason I thought of that mysterious face again in the audience, the one watching. Something to do with the wolves. Something to do with the sentiments Nicki was expressing. Didn't make sense. I tried to shrug it off.

"If you'd set out to play the violin, you'd probably be playing for the Court by now, " he said.

"Nicki, this kind of talk is poison, " I said under my breath. "You can't do anything but try to get what you want. You knew the odds were against you when you started. There isn't anything else . . . except... "

"I know. " He smiled. "Except the meaninglessness. Death. "

"Yes, " I said. "All you can do is make your life have meaning, make it good. "

"Oh, not goodness again, " he said. "You and your malady of mortality, and your malady of goodness. " He had been looking at the fire and he turned to me with a deliberately scornful expression. "We're a pack of actors and entertainers who can't even be buried in consecrated ground. We're outcasts. "

"God, if you could only believe in it, " I said, "that we do good when we make others forget their sorrow, make them forget for a little while that. . . "

"What? That they are going to die? " He smiled in a particularly vicious way. "Lestat, I thought all this would change with you when we got to Paris. "

"That was foolish of you, Nick, " I answered. He was making me angry now. "I do good in the boulevard du Temple. I feel it- " I stopped because I saw the mysterious face again and a dark feeling had passed over me, something of foreboding. Yet even that startling face was usually smiling, that was the odd thing. Yes, smiling . . . enjoying . . .

"Lestat, I love you, " Nicki said gravely. "I love you as I have loved few people in my life, but in a real way you're a fool with all your ideas about goodness. " I laughed.

"Nicolas, " I said, "I can live without God. I can even come to live with the idea there is no life after. But I do not think I could go on if I did not believe in the possibility of goodness. Instead of mocking me for once, why don't you tell me what you believe? "

"As I see it, " he said, "there's weakness and there's strength. And there is good art and bad art. And that is what I believe in. At the moment we are engaged in making what is rather bad art and it has nothing to do with goodness! "

"Our conversation " could have fumed into a full-scale fight here if I had said all that was on my mind about bourgeois pomposity. For I fully believed that our work at Renaud's was in many ways finer than what I saw at the grand theaters. Only the framework was less impressive. Why couldn't a bourgeois gentleman forget about the frame? How could he be made to look at something other than the surface? I took a deep breath.

"If goodness does exist, " he said, "then I'm the opposite of it. I'm evil and I revel in it. I thumb my nose at goodness. And if you must know, I don't play the violin for the idiots who come to Renaud's to make them happy. I play it for me, for Nicolas. " I didn't want to hear any more. It was time to go to bed. But I was bruised by this little talk and he knew it, and as I started to pull off my boots, he got up from the chair and came and sat next to me.

"I'm sorry, " he said in the most broken voice. It was so changed from the posture of a minute ago that I looked up at him, and he was so young and so miserable that I couldn't help putting my arm around him and telling him that he must not worry about it anymore.

"You have a radiance in you, Lestat, " he said. "And it draws everyone to you. It's there even when you're angry, or discouraged. "

"Poetry, " I said. "We're both tired. "

"No, it's true, " he said. "You have a light in you that's almost blinding. But in me there's only darkness. Sometimes I think it's like the darkness that infected you that night in the inn when you began to cry and to tremble. You were so helpless, so unprepared for it. I try to keep the darkness from you because I need your light. I need it desperately, but you don't need the darkness. "

"You're the mad one, " I said. "If you could see yourself, hear your own voice, your music-which of course you play for yourself-you wouldn't see darkness, Nicki. You'd see an illumination that is all your own. Somber, yes, but light and beauty come together in you in a thousand different patterns. "

#violin improvisation #five stringed violin #violinist #violin #interview with the vampire #anne rice #amc interview with the vampire #lestat de lioncourt #the vampire lestat #amc iwtv #iwtv amc #iwtv lestat #iwtv nicolas #nickistat #lestat x nicki #nicolas de lenfent #nicki de lenfent #lestat x nicolas

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neuroprincess · 2 years ago

Text

August - Larissa Weems/Female Reader - Part Two

Larissa Weems/Female Reader

Summary: After knowing about August's existence, Larissa tries to get closer to the teenager and making it work can be difficult when both are socially awkward.

Classification: Fluff

Warnings: OC (original character)

Word count: +2700

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four (soon)

Unrevised

The teenager takes a bite of apple as she stares at the courtyard distractedly, the social groups are dispersed, gathered together talking about random things, mostly about Rave'N Ball which soon became the main topic. Everyone seems excited describing their party clothes bought especially for the day and who they would bring, she knows she should be excited about the same things or at least pretend so she could socialize with them, but she isn't and can't, the only promising thing about the ball is the food and dancing. She loves to dance, since childhood it seems to be the best way to express herself, more than words anyway. At the age of four she started ballet classes and continued performing until 13 when she had a growth spurt, being too tall and with an inadequate bone structure to continue being a dancer, August used her abilities as much as she could to continue dancing and in the end had to let go when mom found out, disapproving. Y/N understood the motivations, it was the girl's first individual interest and something she had devoted herself to for years, this didn't negate the fact that using shapeshifting is a type of cheating and this consumed a lot of her daily energy to continue with the farce. Besides, where they were living was not very kind to any outcast and unsafe for someone like the teenager, in the end they had to resort to the most radical alternative, sending her to Nevermore. Learning things that she, as a mom and normie, could never teach.

August takes one last bite before discarding the rest of the fruit in the trashcan next to the bench she is sitting on, as turning around she notices the presence of the principal almost next to her, standing looking at some vague point pretending to be analyzing the students, except for her as if barely acknowledging her presence. The girl waves a hand in greeting to get her attention and succeeds, they exchange a quick smile and nod, looking back to the courtyard. It's awkward, none of them like this atmosphere and at the same time they don't make the first move towards a real conversation.

"I... I heard that you haven't been using your abilities for two days now." the blonde begins running over the first few words before continuing "How do you feel about that?"

"It's boring, I confess my life seemed easier. And some people just won't stop staring at me."

"Well, you're pretty and tall, you draw attention from boys and girls." Larissa tries to hit back with positive points and winks to her "Anyone interesting?"

She notices how the girl unconsciously stares at a specific group and looks away blushing, redness taking over cheeks and ears. August just whispers "No." and stares at her confused, she thinks that somehow it's not normal for the principal to ask questions like that. But this is a new world which she is still learning the rules.

"Right... have you already been introduced to your classmates?"

"Not exactly, that blonde werewolf talked to me the first day and told me who was who, after that we never talked again." the teenager shrugs shoulders about the fact, she had met a few students who either seemed intimidated or didn't even bother to introduce themselves properly "And that's okay, I'm trying things on my own."

"I understand." neither of them knows what to say anymore, remaining in a silence for minutes that isn't uncomfortable despite the growing anxiety in the pit of their stomachs. She knows August is talking about Enid and it's her group that she has unintentionally stared at. The girl stands up slowly when she notices some students are already gathering for class "Your uniform looks very... short."

Larissa notices that when the teenager stands, they are 6 inches apart, the uniform set with the skirt, which should be just past her knees, looks too small for her size, like it shrunk in the dryer or something. The sweater is tucked tighter against the body instead of being comfortably loose around her, the shoes look slightly uncomfortable, and the skirt that should be below the knee reaches her knees.

"Oh, that! I guess I spent so much time changing my form that I didn't even realize I had another growth spurt, I just forgot to warn Mama. I could take care of it with my own hands, but shapeshifting is out of our deal." the girl straightened the clothes on her body trying to make them conform to the uniform as best as she could, feeling embarrassed by the situation "I think I can handle 5 days until I can use my abilities again." she whispers the last part for only the two to hear.

"Why don't you tell your mother? I'm sure soon you will stop growing and be able to wear only a size of clothes." "Because that's how it happened to me" the blonde mentally adds, in her school days she had to change the size of her clothes and shoes three times. Growing pains as a teenager, her mother always told her on the way to the mall to buy more clothes. Victoria Weems is as tall as her daughter and apparently the girl inherited that from them, even if Y/N's genes allow her to be a little shorter than the two older Weems "I'm sure she'll buy."

"I'm sure too and that's exactly the point." she says simply, her tone making it clear that she doesn't want to continue the topic, then puts the backpack on shoulders "I have to go, botany class now."

"Right! August, think carefully about the ball, it's not mandatory, but it's a great experience and you have a week to prepare." the principal blinks as the girl walks past her, in response she just gets a shy smile.

Larissa smiles back and as soon as the teenager disappears from her vision she turns to the group of students where Enid is, Wednesday with her, Xavier a short distance away from them, Bianca, Divina and Yoko are nearby talking to the duo, the new student doesn't seem interested keeping the same expression as always, which sends a shiver down her spine when directed at her as Addams realizes the tall woman is staring. The blonde immediately turns to go back to her office, pretending this moment didn't happen, even being a teenager she gives her some chills, not that she is scary but yes her actions, she doesn't know what to expect from her.

On the way through the halls Lara August doesn't leave her mind. First, as principal for many years and past hundreds of students, she didn't believe August would follow through on the deal so easily, the next day the fountain was completely clean and more than before, once again Larissa found herself looking for her, this time knowing who to look for and not found her. What made her upset was the possibility that the girl had gone back to using the abilities to hide from her, a possibility soon denied by Thornhill who had the girl as a helper most part of the day and claimed she saw her go straight to the dormitory. Second, she learned more about her supposed daughter, August sleeps in Ophelia Hall sharing a room with a psychic outcast, the academic curriculum is focused on history and literature, she tried fencing and left when Bianca beat her in 10 seconds, after being rejected by the yearbook she is still looking for an extracurricular activity. And last and not least, that the teenager loves hot chocolate, or should at least like it a lot, because Larissa has seen her drink many cups of hot chocolate with whipped cream this morning for breakfast.

And something struck her as she analyzed the short conversation they had at the break, the group that Lara stared at was precisely Enid's... with Wednesday. It couldn't be possible, she wished there wasn't the slightest chance that the blonde was liking the other girl. Not only would it be ironic considering her own past with Morticia, it would also be Y/N's ruin and maybe August's, because as far as anyone can tell the two are complete opposites. Perhaps, with some hope, her possible love interest could be any of the other girls or even Xavier.

"I wonder if this is how parents feel or act when their children are having a crush on someone."

The day is already over for the Nevermore students, most of them have finished dinner, going to their respective dormitories or gathering in common rooms to study for exams the next day. August doesn't feel the need to spend her evening like this after having dedicated all her free hours to it, she sees how desperate everyone is about some difficult subjects and wonders if she should approach them for help, giving up the idea when they find the answer by themselves or with the help of Bianca, who majestically walks around the tables helping their classmates with small things as if she has all the content memorized in her brilliant mind and making a point of showing how intelligent she is. The shapeshifter tries to be discreet as she stares at their interactions, knowing she is failing in this as her eyes can't leave her until the other notices, Bianca frowns as their gazes meet. August turns face quickly and places her hands on cheeks knowing she must be blushing, this is how it works, when in her normal form the pale skin gives way with annoying ease. It's not like she knows how to hide reactions and emotions either, another part of her socially maladjusted personality.

"Hey, white head!" the siren calls out approaching her, laughing when she notices how the girl stiffens at the desk, dropping the book she was reading and slowly turns to look, confusion in her eyes wondering if it was she who was called "Yes, you. Are you having a hard time too?"

"Yeah, no, I mean no. I've been studying all day." she stutters, trying to look anywhere but Barclay's intimidating eyes.

"I see. So do you have a problem with me?" the question is direct and sincere, too direct for the blonde's conversational standards.

"No, never, I'm... I'm sorry." the two stare at each other for a few seconds that seem tense and that atmosphere is cut off by the queen bee's loud laugh, August not sure how to feel about this reaction, even more confused.

"You were staring at me."

"I didn't even realize. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable." she swallows dryly and finally gets up the courage to look her in the eyes, feeling legs getting weak and maybe pressure dropping along with it, if she wasn't sitting up she would probably fall to knees on the floor.

"It's all right. Well, if that's it..." Bianca says casually ready to go to another table to offer help.

"Bianca! Actually..." the shapeshifter takes a deep breath trying to gather courage to continue "I need help, not with the exams. I'm terrible at fencing, you know that, you're the one who made me kiss the ground a month ago." the two laugh for different reasons remembering of her first fencing lesson "Could you give me some lessons or some help? Please."

"Sure! Maybe after the ball, you have the potential for a good opponent, Lara."

"Thank you..."

As soon as the siren gives back August gets up gathering her belongings and tries to leave the common room as discreetly as possible, a difficult task when she messes with the strap of the backpack attached to the chair and quick steps that make the shoes resonate on the floor. "She knows my name! She knows my fucking name!" is the only thing the blonde can think of while running to her dorm, avoiding curious and even judging glances at the big smile on her lips. When she enters the bedroom she seems to be walking on clouds and suddenly feels silly for acting this way just because Bianca Barclay knows her name, maybe it's no big deal, she is a brilliant student with a great memory, or maybe it's too much because after all she is the queen bee while August is another teen without any highlight and who would never draw her attention. August sighs and walks to her side of the room throwing the backpack on the bed, that's when she notices a perfectly wrapped red package on top of the blankets, she stares at it confused, for a moment believes that maybe it's a gift for her roommate and they got the sides confused, but there is a note with her full name written in cursive handwriting.

The package is opened with care, the ribbons undo the lace to reveal a complete uniform set, from blazer to shoes, what makes her happiest is the skirt in the right size looking perfectly cut for her slim and tall body. She looks at herself in the mirror with the skirt clinging to the body, loving how it looks, she would no longer have to adjust every time she sits down or stands up and that is a great relief. All the items are folded up again to be stored and only then August notices something at the bottom of the package, she pulls out a small thick black book with gold details, Good Omens by Neil Gaiman. Next to it a note attached written "It's one of my favorite books, maybe you'll like it too. Good read, August." and immediately she knows who gave her the package. Principal Weems. The only person in the academy who knows how she likes to be called and uses the name. No matter how stubborn and proud she is felt good to earn it from her, almost hugged for someone other than her mom caring about her.

Another morning begins with Larissa comfortably working on her laptop, it's one of the rare occasions when it's calm, especially with the recent events in Jericho and Nevermore, of course, over the question of a certain student's motherhood. Momentarily the tension was lifted from her shoulders and she felt good, relaxing against the chair. Eyes closed thinking of good times, both past and present. She remembers clearly the day she met Y/N, ten years younger, cheerful and spirited, always friendly when she served her a cup of tea. Their first kiss in front of Larissa's apartment, her former home when only a teacher. They barely had a first date before falling into each other's arms, drunk on love... and wine. She sighs remembering those nights on weekends when they bought bottles to accompany home-cooked dinners and it always ended in the same thing. She can remember the young woman's face in vivid details, it's surreal.

And she comes to the realization that there is one more thing to take care of, to finally talk to Y/N, two days earlier all the courage she had gathered to make that call crumbled as soon she heard her voice on the other side of the phone. She hung up without saying anything, hoping that the other woman would think it was a wrong call or just someone making a prank. When there was no return call she knew she was safe and initiated a plan, not very complex, but still important and difficult to approach the teenager. If was any other child she knows it would be easier, but every time she is around August can't stop thinking that this girl is her daughter, even if there isn't a DNA test to prove it yet, imagining how she must have been as a kid, about who she is, what she likes or dislikes, the guilt eating her up inside every second she spends next to her.

"August, what..." she whispers startled when the girl opens the office doors unceremoniously, she is red and disheveled hair evidencing that she ran all the way there "I see you are wearing the..."

"I thought we had an deal, Principal Weems!" she almost shouts interrupting the older woman, to the surprise of both of them "I tried to behave, to fulfill our deal, I'm not even using my abilities. And you betrayed me! I feel dumb for trusting an adult."

"What are you talking about, Lara August?" Larissa doesn't know if she is confused or angry at the teenager's attitude, her tone of voice expresses that.

"You weren't supposed to call my mom and you called her."

"I didn't..."

"She's here!"

"Shit!"

"Yeah, shit!"

"Watch your mouth, young lady!"

taglist: @opheliauniverse @inlovewithmiddleagewomen @scarr0713 @missdowling @dvrkhcld @heidss @loudchaoscoffee @xvyzxx

Join my taglist here ^^

#larissa weems x reader #imagine #female reader #larissa weems #gwendoline christie

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writerfromthestars · 7 months ago

Text

Harry Potter drabble.

Wolfstar pining.

Cross-posted on AO3

Remus Lupin sat in the Gryffindor common room, a book in his hands but his mind far away. He couldn't concentrate on the words on the page, his thoughts consumed by a certain messy-haired boy with twinkling eyes and a mischievous smile.

Sirius Black.

They had been friends since their first year at Hogwarts, but lately Remus had been feeling something more than friendship towards Sirius. He couldn't deny the way his heart raced whenever Sirius was near, or the way his stomach fluttered when Sirius flashed him a grin.

But Remus knew he couldn't act on his feelings. He was a werewolf, an outcast, and he didn't want to burden Sirius. After all, he and James and Peter had already done so much for him. asking for more would be selfish. So he kept his feelings hidden, buried deep inside where no one could see them.

"Hey, Moony," Sirius said, plopping down on the couch next to Remus. "What are you reading?"

Remus glanced down at the book in his hands, realizing he hadn't even turned a page since Sirius had sat down. "Oh, just some Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook," he mumbled.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "You know, you don't have to pretend to be studying all the time. We're in our seventh year, Moony. Live a little."

Remus couldn't help but smile at Sirius's easygoing nature. He was always so carefree, so full of life. It was one of the things Remus loved most about him.

"Maybe you're right," Remus said, closing the book and setting it aside. "What do you suggest we do instead?"

Sirius grinned mischievously. "I have an idea. Follow me."

Remus followed Sirius out of the common room and down the winding corridors of Hogwarts, their footsteps echoing in the empty halls. They finally came to a stop in front of a tapestry depicting a group of dancing trolls.

"Watch this," Sirius said, pulling out his wand and tapping the tapestry. The trolls suddenly came to life, dancing and twirling around in a lively jig.

Remus couldn't help but laugh at the sight. Sirius always knew how to make him smile, even in the darkest of times, like after a particularly bad moon.

As the trolls continued their dance, Sirius turned to Remus with a twinkle in his eye. "You know, Moony, I've been meaning to tell you something."

Remus's heart skipped a beat. Was this it? Was Sirius finally going to confess his feelings?

"I... I think you're the best friend I've ever had," Sirius said, his voice soft and sincere. "I don't know what I would do without you, Moony."

Remus felt a pang of disappointment at Sirius's words, then immediately felt guilty. Sirius hadn't done anything wrong. He had hoped for something more, something deeper. But he pushed those feelings aside, plastering a smile on his face. It was selfish to want anything else.

"I feel the same way, Padfoot," Remus said, his voice steady despite the turmoil in his heart. "You're my best friend too."

Sirius grinned, pulling Remus into a tight hug. "I'm glad we're on the same page, Moony. Now, let's go cause some more mischief, shall we?"

And as they walked back to the Gryffindor common room, Remus couldn't help but feel grateful for the friendship he shared with Sirius. Maybe one day, he would find the courage to tell Sirius how he truly felt. But for now, he was content to bask in the warmth of their friendship, knowing that Sirius would always be by his side, no matter what.

#fanfic #ao3 #ao3 fanfic #writing #harry potter #remus lupin #pining #best friends #friend to lovers #remus x sirius #sirius black #yall i think the wolfstar brainrot is coming back

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punkyflesh · 1 year ago

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A that reader is affectionate and understanding. She's takes care of the royal kids and would do anything to keep them safe. So she doesn't know of Cedric plans b/c he knows she'll try to stop him. His plans succeed and the reader runs away to safety? Few years later the reader and Cedric are reunited, but under grim circumstances.

I'm basically asking for angst. I've just been in the mood for it.

The Reckoning of Hearts | Cedric X Reader (Angst)

“The truth is, you could slit my throat, and with my last, gasping breath, I’d apologise for bleeding on your shirt.”

summary: cedric succeeds in taking over the kingdom, and the reader manages to flee along with the royal children. desperate to save roland & miranda, the reader returns 3 years later to confront the man they once loved.

notes: what a way to return to my fiction-writing roots, lovely bit of cedric angst! i struggled so much with writers block so i hope this is satisfactory. likes, reblogs & comments are always appreciated!!

warnings: no warnings for this one, but be prepared, there’s no happy ending.

—————

Enchancia had fallen. Once a kingdom of enchanting beauty and unwavering prosperity, it now stood as a reminder of the malevolent overturn led by the sorcerer. In the days of old, Enchancia was once known for its lush landscapes, bright skies, ethereal flora, and a radiating positive vibe that was felt by all of the people who lived there. All but for one.

An outcast, Cedric was a target of ridicule and scorn, for his abilities were not like his ancestors’. His magic was untamed and unpredictable, often leading to accidents that left the villagers resentful, and the royal family disappointed. Since he was a boy, he was teased mercilessly, and with each form of mockery, Cedric’s heart grew heavy with each cruel word and teasing laugh.

Years of dealing with the torment changed Cedric. His once kind and gentle nature gave way to bitterness and resentment. He grew obsessed with power, determined to prove himself to all those who ever doubted him. Months of locking himself up in his dingy tower, studying ancient books, desperate to find a way to strengthen his powers. As he studied, the malevolent force took root within his heart, and his once optimistic eyes darkened with an insatiable thirst for revenge.

You were the first obstacle in Cedric’s road to rule. You were recently hired by the King as a nanny of sorts, tasked with the responsibility of babysitting the children, escorting them to events, and being a general companion and role model as they grew up. Cedric first met you on your first day - not that he particularly wanted to, but as ‘royal sorcerer’, he was obligated to attend all royal ceremonies and perform some extravagant show like a lion in a circus. He expected the event to be dull and sour, but he didn’t expect to feel his heart soften so much when he saw you. You were a stark contrast to the sorcerer, a sight for sore eyes. You filled the palace with your warmth, your laughter and your powerful ability to put up with the energetic children so much. The two of you would interact often, as Cedric was often dragged out of the safety of his tower by the new princess. Unbeknownst to Cedric, he found himself inexplicably drawn to your presence. Your kindness and innocence began to chip away at the walls around his heart, and he struggled to suppress the warmth he felt whenever he was around you.

He hated you. Cedric could not stand the vulnerable way you made him feel. How you sent him into a spiral of doubt about himself and his plans whenever you even gazed in his direction. He could not stand you.

Alas, your kindness was not enough to thaw the coldness that had developed within Cedric. His plans of stealing the amulet from Sofia had finally, finally succeeded, and he unleashed his dark magic upon the kingdom immediately. Imprisoning the royal couple, Enchancia was plunged into darkness, its once vibrant colours fading to shades of grey. Cedric was consumed by the anger and despair that had fogged his heart for so long, and had allowed himself to be taken over by the negativity.

You had acted fast, but not fast enough to prevent the royal couple’s imprisonment. Eager to protect the children, you had no choice but to flee the kingdom to Avalor, taking the royal children under your wing. You were welcomed with open arms, the royals vowing to protect yourself and the children, promising and reassuring no harm would ever come to you. But your heart was shattered. Utterly broken.

It had been three years since the fall of Enchancia, and you had never given up hope. The devastation of your heartbreak fuelled determination. As the years passed, a glimmer of hope began to stir within your heart. You led a group of brave and resilient individuals who sought to free the royal couple from Cedric’s tyranny. You were desperate to return the children’s parents to them safely, freeing them from the bitter ruling of a man you once thought you loved. Together, yourself and the group embarked on a perilous quest to restore Enchancia.

Cedric had all but forgotten about his adoration for you as the years went past. His heart grew colder every passing day, focusing solely on maintaining his tyrannical grip over the kingdom, and strengthening his powers.

A crisp autumn night, the moon hung low in the sky. Cedric sat on the throne, the room dusk with shadows and lit up by the twinkle of the night. Silence. Silence. Footsteps. He looked up. A cloaked figure stood before him, their eyes filled with both sorrow and determination. You raised your head and made eye contact with the man. His heart skipped a beat. When their eyes met, time seemed to stand still. Cedric could hardly believe his eyes, for there stood the person he once loved. You were worn down with the journey and the weight of your travels, but you still possessed a beauty that could rival the most enchanting sunrise.

As the memories of their love came flooding back, Cedric was overcome with a torrent of conflicting emotions — remorse for the path he had chosen, anger at himself for betraying you, and an overwhelming sense of wanting to be near you, wanting to justify and explain himself to you. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. You looked at him with cold eyes, and a straight face, a wave of hatred rushing over you as you took in his appearance. The crown on his head was too big, and he was remarkably skinnier. His face was slim and his fingers tapped the arms of the throne idly as he gazed at you with a gaping mouth.

Silence again.

“Where are they?”

Your voice filled the silence of the room loudly, startling Cedric out of his trance.

“I— what?”

You snarled at his patheticness, at how weak and stupid he sounded as he looked at you with confusion.

“The king and queen. Where are they?” You asked again, stepping closer to Cedric slowly as you put your hand in your pocket. Unbeknownst to Cedric, you had been taking magic lessons from the Royal Sorcerer in Avalor, and had grown to possess a healthy power, enough to battle Cedric if needed.

Cedric wasn’t stupid. He knew what you were doing, he knew what you had planned as soon as you put your hand into your pocket. His face grew cold once more as he realised that, you too, doubted him. You still saw him as the pathetic sorcerer he once was. You never believed in him, in fact, you probably agreed with everyone too, laughed at their mocking jokes behind his back. He laughed to himself quietly as he realised what you wanted, and found it humorous how you thought you could take over him so easily.

“My dear, you haven’t learnt a thing, have you not? Look around.” He stood from the throne and held his arms out, gesturing to the empty room.

“I am in control. Whatever mere spells you’ve got up your sleeve are pointless against me.”

He smirked as he drew his wand, muttering a spell and drawing you close to him with the force that expelled from the tip of it. Your faces were inches away as you grunted and groaned with frustration, dropping your own wand and being overcome with the inability to move from his force. His breath felt hot against your face as you looked into his cold, dead eyes. There was nothing there. Nothing but hatred and despair.

“It’s laughable, really. I hadn’t thought about you for years, and here you are. I could do whatever I wanted to you.”

He whispered, stroking a slender finger down your cheek as you struggled. Tears began to well in your eyes as the determination shattered, the realisation kicking in that this is how it would be.

“Silence, my dear? You looked as though you had a lot to say.” Cedric teased, his hand finding his way to your hair as he stroked it.

“Don’t worry, we’ll have plenty of time to talk. You’re going nowhere.”

#cedric the sorcerer #sofia the first #sofia the fandom #cedric the sensational #cedric the great #cedric #cedric sofia the first #stf #cedric the sorcerer x reader #cedric the great x reader #fanfiction #sofia the first fanfiction #fanfic

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fourraccoonsinacoat · 10 months ago

Text

Head Full of Ghosts: Chapter 3

Pairing: Astarion x Dark Urge

Summary: Takes place during the events of Baldur's Gate 3 and explores the romance between Astarion and the Dark Urge, as well as the friendships and relationships she has with her companions. Plus, everyone gives shit to Gale about his cooking. Tags: Slow Burn, Angst, Pining, Humor, Violence, Friends to Lovers, Developing Friendships, Developing Romance, Spoilers for the Dark Urge and BG3 in general, Dark Urge as Original Female Character Rating: Mature (Will eventually be Explicit, just not there yet.) Current Chapter Count: 3/? Read on AO3 Current Word Count: 13,050

Author Notes: I'm finishing up the fourth chapter and realized I never uploaded this chapter to Tumblr. So here we are! Getting this fic back on track and should have the next chapter up soon.

Chapter 3: Monsters

“You know she is a hag, yes?” Lae’zel’s severe and even voice cut through the sticky swamp air like a hot knife through a wedge of Durinbold cheese.

The bog was a foul place, both in atmosphere and in smell. The air was thick with humidity and an ever-present smell of wet rot. Trees sagged and bent at jagged angles, their tired limbs wilting in the gloom, and a thin fog seemed to permeate every corner of the swamp. A hazy light filtered through the tree canopy, casting blotchy shadows upon the muddy ground.

The path the four companions were following sank into marsh every several yards, forcing the group to pick their way through mire and muck. The slog was slow, and there was much complaining. Especially from one particular high elf who no one had told not to wear freshly polished leather boots.

“I am like…seventy percent sure she is a hag, yeah,” Eli answered as she carefully stepped over a rotted tree limb, half submerged in murky filth. “I mean, she’s entirely too eccentric to just be a normal human, right?”

She looked over to Astarion for support, who was currently trying to rub some manner of sludge off his doublet.

“She certainly isn’t playing Three-Dragon Ante with a full deck, if that’s what you’re getting at,” Astarion replied coolly before throwing up his hands and huffing in irritation, the stain unyielding.

Lae’zel hummed for a moment, considering. “Gale is eccentric and a normal human, is he not?” she questioned, amber eyes fixing on their resident wizard who, at the moment, was trying to free the hem of his robe from the clawing grasp of a gnarled tree root.

Eli sighed. “Gale has a magic bomb capable of leveling entire cities in his chest. I would not call that normal.”

“You wound me, Eli.” Gale responded in a good-natured tone as he tugged his robe free and the group began moving once more.

“You consumed an enchanted bracer yesterday at breakfast,” Eli quipped, recalling the morning fondly. Karlach had been fascinated, quickly trying to get Gale to absorb several other items from their camp hoard and asking him if he “took on their powers,” as she put it.

Eli chuckled at the memory before concluding, “You’re as deranged as the rest of us and it’s not up for debate.”

Their little group really had become a hodgepodge of oddities over the past few days. Karlach was settling in well, because where else would she fit other than with their traveling sideshow which included a vampire who could walk in the sun, a warlock who was recently transformed into a part-devil by his patron, an amnesiac with the compulsion to murder anything that looked at her crossly, and all the rest of them.

Eli was starting to wonder if she had a penchant for picking up emotionally constipated strays. They were all kind of outcasts in some way or another. People just trying to get along in a world that had kicked them in the teeth and tossed them out with the garbage. She still had no idea why they’d all just sort of accepted her as their group’s figurehead, but she was beginning to feel a certain affinity for their gang of misfits. They were all fighting battles both within and without, and Eli couldn’t help but feel a certain kinship with people who were struggling with their own personal demons, just as she was.

At least as the day wore on her constant headache had faded to a dull throb, rather than the brain splitting white-hot pain she’d been experiencing. Her memories were still lost, and whenever she tried to call upon them she was only met with flashes of red violence. Images of mangled bodies, ruptured limbs, stringy viscera…it all melted and jumbled together in a confusing blur of chaos. Her dreams were no better, and her nighttime raids on the camp’s supply of books and wine were no secret among the party. Both Shadowheart and Karlach had even joined her on separate occasions. Hells, she’d have a proper book club up and running soon.

“So,” Lae’zel’s stern voice brought Eli out of her musings. “You trust this hag?”

“No,” Eli nearly spat the word out in a laugh. Auntie Ethel, as she called herself, was a lot of things, and trustworthy was not one of them. Astarion’s assessment of Ethel as ‘positively demented’ was accurate, and hags were not known as an honest sort.

“Good,” said Lae’zel, slightly drawing out the word in approval. “Lest I remind you that the only way to remove a ghaik tadpole is a Zaith'isk.”

Eli could feel the gith’s eyes on her and she did her best not to bristle under what she was sure was a judgmental stare. “I am aware,” Eli said, trying to sound unfazed and relatively certain she was failing miserably.

Lae’zel continued to press. “And a Zaith'isk can only be found at a gith creche.” She laid emphasis on the last two words, as if she were pointing something obvious out to a very dimwitted child.

Eli felt the back of her neck and ears start to go warm as irritation stirred in her chest and tightened her shoulders. The throbbing headache at the back of her skull began to growl.

“You don’t say…” Eli replied, quietly pleading to whatever deity she couldn’t remember worshipping to please just let her have the rest of the day without feeling like her brain was on fire.

“I just did say.” Lae’zel shot back, drawing a sidelong glare from Eli.

Eli liked Lae’zel. For the most part. When she wasn’t threatening tiefling refugees or complaining about the lack of spice in Gale’s cooking. Though, to her credit, Gale’s food was kind of bland.

The gith fighter was blunt, stubborn, opinionated, fierce and one hell of a talent when it came to steel and blade. Eli appreciated Lae’zel’s steadfast loyalty and belief in her people’s culture, and even felt a slight pang of jealousy for it. It grounded the warrior and gave her a perspective from which to view the world, something Eli did not have. Culture, family, heritage…they were the building blocks of a person. Even if a person rejected or outgrew those foundational aspects of themselves, they still provided guiderails – or at the very least an anchor for one’s identity.

Without those things, Eli felt adrift and directionless in a vast and swirling ocean, constantly beaten upon the rocks before being dragged back down to drown.

“Explain to me why we are seeking this hag who you do not trust and who cannot remove the tadpole,” Lae’zel said, driving at a point Eli knew was coming and one she wasn’t sure she had a decent argument against. “Instead, should we not be pursuing a more productive course of action?”

Eli sighed, rubbing at her temples as her headache began to mount. “I’m curious,” she responded rather lamely.

“I see,” Lae’zel said with a tone that indicated the gith was wholly unimpressed by Eli’s reasoning. “So, the situation at Emerald Grove continues to escalate, goblins continue to terrorize the Sword Coast, the druid healer remains missing, and the tadpoles in our brains remain unremoved.” Eli internally cringed at the chiding way in which Lae’zel spoke. “But, let us humor your curiosity. What is the worst that could happen?”

The question hung in the air uneasily. The worst that could happen was…really fucking bad. Everyone could die. Eli and her merry band of misfits could all turn into mind flayers. The Grove could fall under the absolute rule of a tyrant and racist. And the Sword Coast could get fully and aggressively fucked. Why was this all her problem, again?

“Lae’zel, was that sarcasm I just heard?” Astarion chimed in, and Eli felt a pull of appreciation towards him. He probably hadn’t meant to run interference between Eli and her interrogator, but she was thankful for it all the same.

Truth be told, there was a small part of her that hoped Auntie Ethel did have a solution for their tadpole troubles. While they weren’t the most honorable of sorts, hags were rather enterprising and shrewd. And given the nature of their unconventional problem, an unconventional solution would more than likely be required. Besides, if things went south, they could just kill her. That seemed to be a particular specialty of their group.

“Sarcasm often accompanies truth,” Lae’zel said with a pointed tone.

Astarion chuckled lightly and Eli felt something not unlike faint affection flutter in her chest. She very quickly shoved it down into the black hole within herself where all the things she didn’t want to deal with went. Nope. That wasn’t good. That was the very last thing she needed right now.

It had been happening more and more since the night she’d made a complete fool of herself, drunkenly asking him if they were still friends. Still friends. Gods, she was such a loser, and Astarion surely thought she was a total basket case after that encounter. But, every now and then, he’d give her a smirk or say something that caused a laugh to bubble up, and then that weird and endearing feeling would creep up and holy shit was this not the time or the place! Besides, that man had more red flags than a circus, and it wasn’t like Eli was a bastion of sanity, so together they’d be about as functional as wet hot garbage.

“How profound,” Astarion continued, oblivious to Eli’s distressing mental spiral. “This little jaunt in the swamp does seem to be a rather unhygienic deviation from more pressing concerns.”

The appreciation she’d felt for him earlier poofed away, and Eli glared. “I will turn this whole party around if you all don’t stop your complaining!”

Astarion’s eyes lit up with delight. “Oh, please do! I worry the putrid scent of squalor and anguish is never coming out of my clothes.” He ran his hands down his doublet, trying to smooth out some wrinkles, and sighed in an overdramatic fashion.

“I, for one, am looking forward to seeing Ethel again,” Gale chimed in as they continued to trod down the muddy path. All of them would be washing muck off their clothes for days. “Fey and the like often have access to magic that even a wizard of my caliber cannot wield. This deviation - as you put it, Astarion - could prove very advantageous if we play our cards right.”

Eli resisted the urge to glance over her shoulder at Astarion, who had surely just rolled his eyes so hard he could see up into his own skull. She could practically feel the disdain radiating off of him and pointedly kept her eyes ahead, scanning the dreary bogland for any sign that they may be nearing Auntie Ethel’s dwelling.

It took Astarion all but two seconds to quip back at the wizard. “Gale, your opinion is like the filth on my boots. Unwanted and irritating,” he said with all the cheer of a muddy wet cat as he paused to kick some grime off the bottom of one of said boots.

“It is a wonder any of you have survived this long,” Lae’zel said, glowering at Astarion as he continued to preen.

“We are a rather astonishing group, aren’t we?” Eli asked with a small smirk, glancing back at the gith.

Lae’zel just rolled her eyes.

Eli was glad for the banter, as it provided some distraction from the pulsating headache growing behind her eyes. However, as they rounded a bend in the path where the trail began to climb upwards towards the interior of the bog, snaking away from the swampy shoreline, Eli was struck with a surging agony that flashed white hot throughout her head. She doubled over, the heel of her hand pressing into the ridge of her brow as a hiss escaped from behind her clenched teeth. Her stomach churned angrily, a hunger rising from deep within that neither food nor drink would satiate. Her head felt as if it were shattering into fragments, her conscious self being pulled apart at the seams as something else tried to push its way to the surface. Something feral, and frenzied and starved.

From somewhere behind her, Eli thought she heard Gale muttering a question. She then felt a hand on her shoulder and wanted nothing more in the world than to seize it and dig her nails into the supple flesh. She wanted to smell the crisp metallic tang of blood in the air as her fingers peeled back skin as if she were pulling the rind off a particularly ripe fruit, bloody pulp exposed and raw. The thought of her fingers sliding between muscle and skin, slick with blood, feeling fibrous sinew tear away and hearing the wet squelch and pop as she degloved flesh from limb…

Fist clenched, her nails dug into the palm of her hand as she fought to keep control. A pleasurable shiver ran down her spine as her mind entertained depraved thoughts, and for a moment she thought she may vomit where she knelt. She was not herself. Her mind was splintering with a hundred craven desires…she wanted to walk across fields of ruptured bodies and feel the viscera turn to jam between her toes. Her muscles tensed and she flinched away from the hand, standing in a near delirious state and muttering some nonsense about “needing a minute” before stumbling off into the fen.

Eli needed to put distance between herself and her companions. At least for the moment. At least until her head cleared. She slogged through the wetland, unfocused on where she was going, until she felt a dampness seeping through her boots. She stopped and blinked, trying to wrench her consciousness back from the brink. As her sight cleared and the world around her came back into focus, Eli found herself standing ankle-deep in water near a riverbank, looking out over the vast and gloomy expanse of the Chionthar River - the opposite bank obscured by fog.

Sloshing her way back to shore, Eli stepped back onto somewhat solid ground just as she heard a rustling in the thicket. Her eyes shot up to see Astarion picking through the snarl of brush and weeds that bordered the muddy shoreline. His expression was one of exasperated frustration, brow furrowed and mouth pulled into a grimace, as he tugged a booted foot free of the clinging bramble.

“Gods below, this entire place needs to be tossed into Avernus,” he grumbled as he plucked a bur off his doublet and flicked it to the ground. Astarion then glanced up at her, crimson eyes guarded, although Eli thought she caught the glimmer of something else in his gaze…a flash of something softer. But it came and went like a spark catching alight then burning out just as quickly. “Are you…alright?”

His tone was hesitant and uncertain, as if he were unused to the concept of asking after someone else. Astarion had an edge about him that never seemed to dull, as if he were always acting under the assumption that those around him would lash out at any given moment without warning. Eli wasn’t sure why, but she felt as if she recognized that particular brand of uneasiness. It was a tension that came from an impartial distrust of anyone and anything. A response to a life lived in a constant state of conflict, always ready for fight or flight. Something gnawed at the far recesses of her mind, tugging at a memory she couldn’t quite grasp. She understood that feeling, though she did not know why…

“I think I am. Now, at least," Eli said, rubbing at her eyes as her headache growled but remained tempered. Her mind seemed to be clearing and realigning itself to the present, no longer at risk of breaking and letting loose whatever atrocity lay coiled up inside herself. “You didn’t have to follow me out here. I just needed a moment to collect my thoughts.”

Astarion eyed her and raised a brow, disbelief apparent on his face. “My dear, whatever just happened in that pretty head of yours is not nearly as frivolous as you’re trying to make it seem.”

Eli winced internally. He was right, of course, and it wasn’t as if she had been subtle when she’d walked off aimlessly into the bog after being doubled over and obviously in pain. Hell, given how she must have looked in that moment, he’d probably followed her to make sure she didn’t trod blindly into a sinkpit or end up ensnared by some flesh-eating swamp ficus.

She sighed and ran a hand absentmindedly through her silvery hair. “I just don’t want to worry people,” Eli conceded. “We have enough to deal with, without adding my violent mood swings and absconded memory to the mix.” She spread her hands out, as if the gesture could represent the absolute shitstorm they dealt with on a daily basis.

Astarion considered her for a moment, expression thoughtful and impassive, before he shook his head with a small smile. “I believe you were the one who pointed out earlier that everyone in our weird little group is ‘deranged,’ as you put it.” He emphasized her choice of wording with a gesture of his hands, pantomiming plucking the word out of thin air.

The action brought a soft smile to her lips. She enjoyed Astarion’s embellishments and dramatics. The elf had a flare for the extravagant that she found both endearingly silly and strangely alluring…

Nope. No. Stop it. She shoved that twinge of attraction back down into the deep dark hole within and refocused herself. “Yeah, well, one of us needs to at least act somewhat sensible,” Eli quipped with a smirk. “Can’t have Zevlor and his lot figuring out how truly unhinged we all are. We may not get paid,” she said the last bit with more than a little fake indignation.

Astarion played along, pretending to be scandalized and clutching his nonexistent pearls. “Now that would be a tragedy. I have every intention of hiring a witch at the first opportunity to hex Gale’s cookpot so it will only produce boiled squid,” he said cheerily. “I’m assuming that won’t be cheap.”

Amused with himself, Astarion tipped his chin up, smirking at Eli with all the wiliness of a fox. For her part, Eli just rolled her eyes but couldn’t stop a grin from spreading on her face as she imagined Gale, flustered and put out, ranting about the juvenile use of magic.

A thought occurred to her, then. Something unbidden and completely inane, but one she latched onto desperately. It was a joke that had bubbled up from the deep recesses of her broken memory, and though she had no idea where she heard it or in what context, she was delighted at the prospect of finding something among the rubble of her ruined mind. It set the tiniest flicker of hope alight within her that maybe, eventually, she may be able to recover more.

Eyes bright, and with a reserved sort of hopefulness stirring in her chest, she gave Astarion a genuinely dorky grin and blurted out with all the self-restraint of a toddler; “What do you call a magician who cooks?”

Surprise overtook the elf’s face, and he tilted his head curiously with a small laugh, thrown by the sudden and highly abrupt tangent. Before he could speak, however, a snap sounded in the brush behind the pair. Both Eli and Astarion turned to find a man, tall and well built with slicked back hair the color of burnt coffee. His mouth, framed by a neatly kept goatee, was turned down in a grimace, jaw clenched, and in his hands the man held a very large crossbow - loaded and aimed in their direction.

“I’d think twice before you get much closer to him, miss,” the stranger warned, eyes darting from Eli to Astarion as if he expected the elf to set upon him any second. “He’s dangerous.”

Eli frowned at the stranger, fingers curling reflexively into the beginning gesture for her Eldritch Blast incantation. “And yet you’re the one with a crossbow pointed at me,” she said warily, watching the man’s fingers for any twitch or movement on the trigger.

Next to her, she could feel Astarion stiffen defensively, but he remained quiet. Had the stranger not had a crossbow bolt aimed in her direction, Eli would have been more curious who he was and his connection to Astarion. Due to his comments, she assumed he was aware of Astarion’s vampirism, though she couldn’t be certain. Her curiosity, however, would have to simmer in the face of their current predicament.

“Call it a precaution,” the stranger said before tipping the crossbow in the direction of Astarion. “You know what he is? Vampire spawn.” He said the last bit as if it was supposed to be some revelation, venom laced within his words.

Eli studied the tip of the crossbow bolt, noting how the sharpened edge glimmered faintly in the hazy light. Silver? She glanced back and caught the man’s eyes with her own, a growing dislike darkening her expression.

“Old news, my friend,” she said with more than a hint of antagonistic sarcasm. “Known that since I met him.”

This drew a somewhat startled noise from Astarion, whose gaze she could suddenly feel turn to her. “You did?” he asked with a genuine note of surprise in his voice.

Astarion had not admitted to being a vampire spawn until the night Eli caught him creeping in on her as she slept, hungry and poised to bite. Up until that point, though, he’d done a rather poor job of concealing his nature. What with the bite scars on his neck and his pale, almost pearlescent, complexion. The fact he could walk in sunlight was an oddity, of course, but given that she’d just flown through Avernus on a mind flayer ship after having an illithid tadpole inserted into her brain, a vampire traipsing about in the sun wasn’t even the weirdest thing she’d seen that day.

She chanced a quick sidelong glance at Astarion and quirked an eyebrow. “Well, yeah. It was kind of the worst kept secret in Faerûn. Shadowheart and I even had a bet about who you’d try to bite first.” Eli still owed her a bottle of sweetwine, come to think of it.

She shook the thought from her head and turned her attention back to the stranger who still had his crossbow trained on them. “Mind introducing yourself before you start a fight you’ll regret?” she asked, watching his body language for any sign that he may back down now he knew Eli was fully aware of her companion’s condition.

The stranger glared at her, and Eli sighed. Another day, another fight with some ignorant douchecanoe who was wasting the last moments of their life antagonizing her. That darkness inside of her, the thing that craved slaughter and whose language was only violence, shifted restlessly like a dog in a cage, pressing at the barricades with a cruel need. She fought to push it back, but gods she could imagine her hands tearing into his gut, ripping dying organs from the yawning wound, warm and wet. The iron scent of blood in the air. The agony twisting his face as he writhed. It would be beautiful brutality.

Her headache was mounting once again, and through the throbbing pressure she heard the man say; “You can call me monster hunter.”

He braced his crossbow, targeting Astarion, and Eli was moving faster than coherent thought. She felt a force collide with her left shoulder, nearly knocking her off balance, and then the world melted away into a manic savagery that was both achingly familiar and terrifyingly transcendent.

Flesh would rend. Bone would snap. And her hunger would be sated. For now.

The headache faded, and Eli was suddenly aware of a thick and deep pain radiating from her shoulder. Her mind swam dully, like a bobber struggling to stay above water as forces tried to pull it down. She felt…tired. Dazed.

Why was she on the ground? Was that her blood spattered across her bracers? Why was Astarion yelling?

“Godsdamnit! Why would you do that!”

Something jostled her, and the pain in her shoulder flared. She groaned and tried to turn her head towards Astarion’s voice only to find she was propped up against him. He was kneeling next to her, a hand braced against her back to keep her seated upright while his other hand pressed into her shoulder. She grimaced, trying to ignore the searing agony rocketing down her left side, but found herself unable to focus.

She looked up into Astarion’s face, head bobbing to the side, and squinted at him. A range of emotions flitted across his face as he looked down at her. Anger, frustration, exasperation…all common day-to-day expressions for the snarky and uppity elf. But there was something else, too. Something in the clench of his jaw, the tightness of his lips and the way his sharp, clear eyes stayed fixed on her. Concern…

“Do…what?” she asked, confused.

Eli continued to watch his face, thinking dully about when she’d ever seen him worried and coming up with nothing. Well, she wasn’t in a great state of mind at the moment and kind of just wanted to go to sleep. She was probably just forgetting…

Her mind drifted…eyes closing wearily…

Astarion shook her gingerly and she let out a noise somewhere between a hiss and a growl. “That bolt you idiotically decided to jump in front of was laced with poison! Do. Not. Fall. Asleep.” He pressed at the wound on her shoulder and her eyes wrenched back open, pain flooding her senses and slamming adrenaline into her system.

“Fucking rude!” she yelped.

Then, the pain was fading and a slow numbness was creeping down from her shoulder. It felt cold and soothing, and she was so tempted to just relax into it and fade away. Her head dropped and came to rest against his chest, eyelids fluttering closed again.

“I think I just like to annoy you…” she said weakly, then gave a hiccupping sort of laugh.

Astarion was trying to jostle her out of the daze again, only this time there was no pain and she felt too content to open her eyes as her head rested against him.

“Eli! Eli! Shit!” He sounded so far away. So far…far…away…

“What do you call a magician who cooks?” Astarion asked, a hint of panic coiling around his words.

From somewhere very distant, Eli remembered she hadn’t finished telling him her joke. A small laugh caught in her throat as she thought about it…but she really didn’t feel like talking right now. Gods, she wanted to sleep…

Astarion was shaking her again. “What do you call a magician who cooks! Eli!”

Fucking hell, he was loud.

Eli groaned and tried to lift her head. Too heavy…

…she needed to finish the joke…

“A…saucerer…” she said lamely, then laughed, head still slumped against his chest. She’d have to tell Gale…

There was some muttering, then a feeling of being lifted. The ground was gone. Her arms sagged.

“You will not die,” she heard Astarion say from miles away. “You will not die because that was just awful, and it will not be the last thing you ever say."

Eli smiled to herself. She was hilarious…

Everything went dark.

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dingbatnix · 11 months ago

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uhm lol are you going to continue maneater it is probably one of my favorites and i really want to see more of it lol take your time.

I am! Currently, I'm working on a timeline for the plot!

The way I've written this one is a little weird. It's my fourth brainchild, but since I'm already working on three multi-chapter fics already, I don't wanna start on another one. Sooo, I'm writing the timeline, and I'll post that, and then if I feel like it, I'll write fics of specific events in the timeline. It may take me a very long while, though.

And just for you, since you asked about one of my favorites, have a snippet!

Tw: murder, blood, hard vore, death

It had only been a couple of months since Punz had found out that Dream was a man-eating giant. Even more, he was a giant that could swallow and kill a human, and then gulp down somebody else without even hurting them. Punz didn’t entirely understand how that could possibly work (and he wasn’t sure that he wanted to know) but George had said that Dream had two separate stomachs; one for…one for digesting things, and one that didn’t do much of anything at all.

It was an accident, how he found out. He had been on a scouting mission with Dream, George, and Sapnap, miles and miles away from their little village of hybrids and outcasts. Punz had stayed behind to set up camp before night fell while the other three had gone ahead to make sure that the area was clear of various dangers, like mobs or any traveling hunters.

Punz had finished striking up the camp (it had been easy, all he needed to do was dig a fire pit, get some food for himself, George, and Sapnap cooking, and lay out the sleeping rolls) and had decided to follow after the rest of his group. It hadn’t been very difficult. No matter how much he claimed to be stealthy, Dream was a giant. He left a noticeable trail of destruction wherever he went. So, it had been easy enough to find them, but the sight he came to had frozen him in his tracks.

It was Dream, towering over a small path between the trees, with blood dripping down from his chin. Normally, Punz wouldn’t have been bothered. Dream ate whole animals and even mobs all the time, so Punz was used to that. No, what had terrified him was the limp, human form slumped over in the giant’s fist.

At his feet, a rickety wagon sat somewhat askew to the path, horse having broken free of its harness and, more alarmingly, Sapnap and George casually picking through the bags and chests inside the wagon. They didn’t seem to care at all as Dream raised the unmoving person higher and higher and higher, up towards his face. Punz could only watch with a gut-churning dread as the giant dropped the former owner of the cart into his mouth. There was a horrifically wet crunch, and then the distant sound of the giant swallowing.

Punz had let out a small noise of shock and stumbled back, noisily crushing forest debris underfoot and drawing the attention of the three men before him.

Like a slow, haunting owl, Dream's masked face swiveled towards Punz, and he could feel the giant's gaze lock onto his own fearful eyes. The sight sent chills dancing up and down his spine, and his mouth had dried instantly.

He had turned tail and ran, but George and Sapnap quickly caught up to him and pinned him down until Dream could catch up. Then they had all explained what was going on, that Dream actually needed to consume humans to stay sane. Then they tacked on that–that using the people who were traveling near the valley their village resided in was convenient, because word would spread that the forest was dangerous and that you'd disappear if you went in. Ergo, it kept humans away from the little sanctuary Dream, Sapnap, and George had created.

It had taken some convincing, but Punz finally relented and agreed not to say anything to anyone in the village. For one, it would invite mass panic in their little community, and most everyone would probably try to move away and die at the hands of humans. For second, Punz wasn't about to argue with the literal giant that could kill him in one bite. He wasn’t that dumb.

So, it's kinda dark, but, y'know, that's what makes it one of my favorites. Of course, the whole thing isn't just Dream running around eating people (that's more of a side note) the story is more focused on the characters, their families, and the kingdom trying to exterminate Dream and his little village.

Taglist:

@brick-a-doodle-do @i-am-beckyu @da3dm @kayla-crazy-stuffs @local-squishmallow @skullsnbruises @munchkin1156 @gt-daboss

#maneater #bat's writing #bat's rambles #bat's answers #mcyt g/t #mcyt gt #mcyt vore #giant!dream #writing #hard vore #tiny!george #tiny!punz #tiny!sapnap #coolest-moon

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alexanderwales · 6 months ago

Text

Movie Review: I Saw the TV Glow

Spoilers follow. Content warning: death, transphobia, homophobia

I don't review most things I watch. I'm a writer, not a reviewer, and most things just sort of pass by having been consumed and thought about in a way that I don't feel the need to share with others. I'll be upfront: I Saw the TV Glow did not land for me. I think it's a good movie for the people that it resonated with, but I find the disconnect interesting, because it's perhaps the first time a horror movie has failed to hit me so completely that I'm left thinking that I just don't have the fear button it's trying to hit.

I Saw the TV Glow is a trans allegory. I'm not entirely sure that it can be read as anything else, but I'll try to make some comparisons later on.

In 1999 I was in eighth grade, and was the token boy in a group of girls who had all been friends for ages. I enjoyed hanging out with them, which went on for about two years until they started getting older boyfriends and I drifted toward spending time with other friend groups. There was one particular party where they talked me into dressing up as a girl and putting makeup on me, and when they had eagerly accomplished this they told me what a pretty girl I was. This was pretty much a non-event in my life, something that made close to zero impact on me and my self image. I had no gender feelings about it. I am cisgendered, in a way where I have sufficiently explored my feelings and found this to be true about myself. (Similarly, I have sufficiently explored my feelings to understand that I'm straight: in high school I kissed a few boys during games like spin the bottle or truth or dare, and it just did nothing for me. I've watched gay porn for the sake of science and don't get anything from it.)

The horror that I Saw the TV Glow taps into is idea of hiding your true self and not accepting who you truly are, running away from these realities of your personal identity because you deeply fear either that truth or the consequences of that truth. It's not a fear that I've ever had cause to experience, as much as I have (at times) been a disappointment to my parents and a social outcast. This is almost certainly a form of privilege, but it means that I was watching the movie at two steps removed, understanding what it was trying to get at but not feeling it, trying to run a janky simulation of a main character I did not at all relate to.

In the late 1990s there were a spate of movies about white men who were being slowly killed by working in cubicles, their True Nature repressed by the corporate hellscape. Fight Club, American Beauty, Falling Down, The Matrix, Office Space ... they really had a moment. Most of those movies worked for me, and when I was a teenager, some of them really worked for me. Fight Club and The Matrix came out in the same year, 1999, and both had similar messages of "you are trapped by this bullshit corporate life that demands you be weak and without purpose". As a fourteen-year-old white boy living in the Midwest, this really resonated with me. Fuck the system! Rage against the machine! But neither of those movies was about the how and the why of being trapped in a life that doesn't suit you. The Matrix has its own refusal of the call, but it's very brief, and not central.

There's a recurring theme in tons of movies about being an outsider and an outcast and hiding your true self, but eventually you can't keep up with the lies, and it all comes spilling out, and the people who you thought would hate you have to confront their prejudice or whatever. Sometimes the protagonist isn't even hiding it, it's just out in front for anyone to see, but I think that's gotten a little less common over the years. We got Luca and then Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken and it's really all over the place. I genuinely think that "I am different and no one understands me" is one of the stock experiences for teenagers. But the lesson imparted by those movies (and shows and books) usually starts with the premise that our protagonist is clearly and obviously different, and the message of "shine your light" can only really work if you've accepted that there's a light to shine.

Owen refuses the call over and over. Uncharitably, he's a coward. If I'm to be charitable, I think I would have to make a case for cowardice. It's scary to defy social expectations. It's scary to have this truth inside of you that demands you leave everything you've known behind, which is the explicit thing being asked of him during that first refusal of the call. I can relate to the fear and self-doubt. Owen has more to lose than Maddy, at least at that point. Later on, there's another refusal of the call, this time with more excuses that are transparently denial, and it's less easy to understand, though the imagery is that of death: buried in a hole in the ground, the burial of the old self to become the new. And at the end, it's just sad brokeness, understanding yourself and deciding that it's too late, even if the street chalk says that it's never too late.

(The character's name is Owen, who I have seen referred to with she/her pronouns as Isabel by some people, but I'm going to go with what the end credits say rather than attaching an identity to a character who has explicitly rejected that identity multiple times.)

In 1998, a year before The Matrix came out, a year before I would be dressing up like a girl for the pleasure of my friends, Matthew Shepard was beaten and tied to a fence, later dying of his injuries. I feel like I'm old enough now that the name Matthew Shepard has been replaced by other names in the collective consciousness as "the face of anti-queer violence", but at the time it was huge in the news and deeply affected me. This is the era of nostalgia that I Saw the TV Glow is harkening back to, and I think if you're hearing about a gay man being beaten to death in Colorado, watching something with ambiguous queer rep like Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Xena: Warrior Princess would easily be a lifeline, much more than something that's explicitly queer. That's my guess, anyway, at what the movie is trying to model. The Matthew Shepard thing has always stuck with me as one of the news stories that defined my teenage years, and I cannot imagine how much more it would have affected me if I were gay.

Even in that context I find Owen to be awkward and unsympathetic, and I don't necessarily feel like this is an unendorsed reading of the film. If there's a lesson that the film wants us to take, it's "embrace the you inside", and if there are two lessons the second one is, "it's never too late". The reason it's a horror/drama is that the protagonist teaches us these lessons by suffering for not embodying the lessons. They're lessons I generally endorse. But the horror doesn't land for me because I've never been in that situation of holding back from some personal truth I wasn't willing to accept. I've always freely probed at the edges of my identity.

The other major theme of the movie is finding yourself by way of media, and sometimes artistically questionable media. Here, I think the movie works a little better for me. The show-within-a-movie is The Pink Opaque, which we get to see a lot of, and which represents ... probably a few things, but I think the major one that fits best with the overall themes is "queerness". Maddy escapes the world the film is set within, which is actually Mr. Melancholy's "midnight realm", and comes out in The Pink Opaque, which is then inferred to be the "real world". Maddy comes back for Owen, trying to help him escape, and the metaphor here is someone openly queer trying to help someone who's still in the closet. (This is also the subtext of Maddy leaving Owen behind.)

There's a bit later in the movie where Owen finds The Pink Opaque on a streaming service and finds it to be much more childish than he remembered it to be, and what we're shown of it also conflicts with earlier depictions. I don't know what this means from within the logic of the movie (probably that Mr. Melancholy's plans are working), but within the metaphorical logic of the movie, it's a comment on how the thing that was real was the way it made them feel and what it revealed to them about themselves. I think that's sort of neat, and there's definitely formative media that I haven't gone back to specifically because I worry that it won't hold up to what I created in my mind. My guess, from reading a few things, is that Buffy was the main inspiration, but I think for a lot of teenagers who grew up around the same time it might have been something else: something with subtext rather than something gay. Xena, maybe. There's probably something about the deniability of it that helps people who are questioning: when you're at the point of watching every season of Queer as Folk on DVD as it comes out, I think you're past the point where you're pushing down these feelings. (Note: I did watch every season of Queer as Folk on DVD as they came out, it was a high school ritual with a friend of mine.)

I thought the movie was interesting, but I didn't like it. I think it's personal in a way that some media is, not just personal to the people with the creative vision, but personal to the people it's meant to speak to. It's not a movie for me, and I'm left trying to engage with it by reconstructing some of the emotions from first principles. There are probably bits of imagery and dialogue that will stick with me, and it was cause for reflection, which I think is the mark of a good film, even if I didn't enjoy myself or feel any kind of personal impact. Some of this is just privilege on my part.

If you've struggled with identity issues and self-acceptance ... I don't know. I can't imagine that watching this movie would would feel good, given the ending, but that seems to be who the movie is squarely aimed at. I recommend it overall, even if I think the hit rate will probably be low.

#i saw the tv glow #fiction #media criticism #reviews

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overfedvenison · 3 months ago

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On isekai, I watch a lot of it. There's this aspect where it's often reduced to memes, and some isekais are just a dancing bear. But they do have themes, and perhaps if you look at them more deeply can be quite a sad genre. But I think some of the deeper ideas explored by a lot are like...

The emergence of a shared myth rooted not in traditional stories but in modern-era RPGs, fantasy stories, etc, in a manner similar to a folklore. This is especially evoked as much of the genre was emerged from modern light novel sites, which are much less formally made, before becoming an anime. See; Uncle from Another World (Explores how fiction connects us,) Bofuri (Evokes video game exploit stories.) It's worth noting that no one owns isekai - it's something anyone can do, and that makes it relatively unique among these big popular franchises.

The ability to have a second chance at life. A lot of the protagonists of isekais are outcasts of society, and are specifically cast aside and feel they have missed their chance at life. These character types are sometimes criticized - ie, Konosuba, who has a classical antihero with little to no redeeming qualities - or sometimes explored deeply - Ie Jobless Reincarnation, a serious series about a NEET given a second chance at life. This sometimes manifests as power fantasy, and sometimes as introspection, when it is explored in these. Overlord is notable in that it's theme is essentially a dying MMO given a second chance, more-so than an individual. There's often a bit of a quiet mourning to this - People who could become much if given a chance.

The importance of survival, and of forming a life which you can live with. This is perhaps a response to the previous, but you see a lot of isekai where the main character ends up on the back foot and must constantly strive to live - See I'm a Spider, So What? and Shield Hero for an example, Goblin Slayer for a related native isekai series, or Saga of Tanya the Evil for an example where the main character is trying to do this but is a horrible person you kinda like to see stressed out. These shows portray a lot of life-or-death challenges which a main character must struggle through or be consumed by, often with a goal of eventual happiness. This could especially be read as an allegory especially when you consider the typical main characters are often meant to evoke outcast nerds and recluses given a new chance - or to be identifiable to these same people. It's saying largely that the world is hard but we must not lay back and die.

The re-evolution of pulp stories. Emerging from light novel sites, and being light reading as a movement away from fantasy epics, and following adventures of rather broad and powerful characters, isekai strongly evokes classic pulp and fantasy apparently accidentally. When isekai isn't doing many other themes - ie, the Vending Machine Isekai, Combatants will be Dispatched - it's often evoking this kind of appeal, which has been largely missing from the fantasy landscape

The emergence of virtual space, particularly in VRMMO isekai. This is one explored in essentially every MMO variant of the genre all the way back to DotHack, but it's essentially about video games, how people interact in an online space, our connections to people through the internet, and the emergence of technology - that kind of thing. See Overlord (Again - an isekai about an MMO more than a person, and allowing the things a dead game has built to live on,) Bofuri (About how people interact in an MMO,) or Log Horizon (Explores an MMO made into a Digimon-esque reality.)

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mariii1 · 2 years ago

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✨🏳️‍🌈𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙂𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙨 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙂𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙀𝙪𝙥𝙝𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙖?🏳️‍🌈✨

YEAHHHHHHHHJJHHHH

MY FIRST COLLAB EVERRR! Thank you so much to @upheavalofmemory for collaborating with me, this was honestly quite fun to plan everything out. I'll probs post again after this in another three months! 😜😘

Piles go from left to right from 1-6 🤗

Pile 1: Library: “Take control of your own narrative” Writing. Writing yourself into stories where you are your desired gender and have your desired appearance. Consuming content with people of your gender is also incredibly gender euphoric for you. You love getting representation for your gender, and it makes you feel a sense of bliss. Lavender: “Surround yourself with love” Hanging out with friends who support you is something that gives you gender euphoria. Your friend groups may be gender-diverse which gives you a sense of euphoria as your role in those relationships isn’t limited to your gender. If you’re out to your friends, they might support you and use your desired pronouns and if not, you know they’re still great friends who would support you regardless (even if they don’t understand). Universe: “We’re all just stardust” Body neutrality might give you gender euphoria. Body neutrality is the idea of appreciating your body for what it can do, regardless of what it looks like or how it functions. Giving your body parts names that are gender neutral or euphoric in relation to your gender, especially if you haven’t gotten surgeries or don’t intend on getting surgeries. Also, the idea of your body being a “flesh vessel” might also give you some comfort. Feather: “Think first before you judge” Similar to the Lavender message, you appreciate people who take the time to listen rather than immediately declare that they don’t support you, people who are willing to listen and take the time to support you, even if they struggle with it or don’t fully understand it. The efforts that family, friends, and/or acquaintances go through are something that gives you gender euphoria.

Pile 2: I think you guys want to be able to embrace your femininity in a way that works for you. I'm getting drag but it doesn't have to be about drag necessarily, just hyper femininity especially if you guys are amab. I feel it's been a constant struggle for you to determine what makes you feel feminine. You don't fit in or align with regular societal conventions around being feminine especially if you're somebody who's into new age stuff or if you're in a more conservative country. You may have a hard time with some of the gender roles and expectations of women or just what it means to be feminine in that culture. Sitting with yourself and really reflecting on what makes you feel feminine will help. Being surrounded or wearing very cute things, specifically getting the coquette aesthetic or just fairy/mystical nature vibes. Having a femininity that isn't like super hyper sexualized but also makes you feel very confident or at least one where you don't feel like you have to compete with other women to be more feminine. A lot of you have struggled with people telling you that you're not feminine enough or you're too feminine if you're male presenting. Really trying to separate from yourself and how you've been programed to see femininity in general especially if you struggle with being surrounded by toxic masculinity. some of you may also get euphoria from dressing up more gothic or alternative but may feel like you can't out of a fear of judgement. Also dark coquette vibes like black lace and doll like clothing. For some of you, you think that if you start wearing darker clothing, you'll be seen as an outcast but I personally think you'd just look really cute. some of you are also interested in wearing latex or bdsm clothing.. You could also try introducing that into your wardrobe little by little, maybe wearing a lowkey harness with your regular clothes or wearing latex stockings under a long skirt.

Pile 3: Grey: “Endings are inevitable” & Tree: “Let them go” Letting go of toxic people and cutting loose ends gives you gender euphoria. You (TW!) might not have supportive family members or friends, and you may intend on cutting them off. The idea of cutting them off and getting freedom from them, being able to be authentically yourself gives you gender euphoria. Burning those bridges and finding a new community to settle in (found family) may also give you gender euphoria, and you may or may not already have these people in your life. Tower: “Unplug & relax for a spell” Self-care makes you feel gender euphoric. You may have already transitioned (if you intend to) or you already feel confident in your body and your body makes you feel euphoric. You may focus on the small details of your body that give you that subtle confidence, and it makes you feel great. You may also be a witch or practice magic, which also gives you gender euphoria. You may study LGBTQ+ figures in religion or worship them, or feel accepted by them. In your religion or faith of choice you might feel unjudged and it gives you a heavy sense of euphoria and relief. Voyage: “You already have all the answers” Similar to the message from Tower, your body and the changes it goes through give you gender euphoria. You might be growing a bit of stubble, or your voice is finally pitched to perfection, or you were (finally) addressed as the gender you are in the grocery store or something similar. Also, knowing who you are and having that confidence within you gives you gender euphoria.

Pile 4: I'm already getting similar vibes to pile number 2 but even more dark and alt mostly gothic lolita and darker more fancy alt clothing. You guys might really love (or would love) to present as genderless. You might also identify as agender. Some of you might want to have a body that isn't super adult like and genderless in that way. It's not a weird regression thing but more having a body that can't be sexualized or presents as very neutral. There's specific top surgery for this but i forgot the name, def look into it though if it's something you might be interested in. A lot of you peeps give me Mana from Malice Mizer vibes (an iconnnn✨) He (and gothic lolita and the visual kei style in general) present as genderless at least to me. I think you guys would really appreciate retro or old Gothic clothing, again gothic lolita also vampire like goth clothing? That sounds snazzzy. I'm also getting glam rock for some of you (I've been into glam rock drag lately, it's perfect) Clothing where people literally would look at you and would just stutter when figuring out what pronouns to use for you. Just everyone being confused would honestly give ya'll a lot of euphoria. Also, if there was a particular style that you really liked in your childhood or admired/looked up to, definitely revisit that.

Pile 5: You might also be attracted to pile three. Mural: “Be your own first priority” & Potion “Practice self love.” Putting yourself and your needs first gives you the feeling of gender euphoria. Knowing you are advocating for yourself and the things you need, having the confidence to charge in without fear. Not focusing on the bigots, and being your best authentic self surrounded by people who accept you. Sundress: “Do it for you” & Evil Queen: “You deserve sugar, not salt.” (18+!) Dressing in feminine clothes might give you gender euphoria, depending on your gender or gender expression. Or in general, dressing the way you’d like to dress in terms of your gender. Possibly doing gender-positive makeup, using it to affirm your identity. You might participate in drag if it is applicable or dress as (stereotypically) different genders (especially if you are nonbinary or anywhere under the genderfluid umbrella). Additionally, (18+!) participating in sexual acts that reaffirm your gender gives you gender euphoria. Lighthouse: “Don’t doubt your worth” Like the first section, being an absolute bad b!tch is something that gives you gender euphoria. You might proudly be out of the closet, advocating for trans-youth, a nightmare in the comments sections (in a good way!), calling out bigots, etc. Such powerful energy honestly from this pile. You get gender euphoria by being your absolute, unapologetic self, even if it pisses off some people, you’d gladly piss them off and then some more, existing just out of spite.

Pile 6: You guys might suffer severely from (CW!) gender dysphoria. You may be considered more voluptuous or round especially for your gender. I'm getting a lot of amab people here, especially if you weigh more than others. I'm getting a lot of you just want to get rid of what you perceive to be womanly. At the same time, what would make you happier though is taking the time to plan your transition out. The transition itself would obviously give you lots of euphoria but you might feel as though you have to rush through your transition or as if there's no way you can live with the amount of dysphoria you have at the moment. I'm not saying that to say you should stay upset with your body and postpone any gender-affirming healthcare. However, I think you might need more exploration than you've initially thought. I also think talking to people about your feelings around your body would be really helpful or even just journaling about the changes that you might want and specifically why you want them. Again, not in a way to put yourself down but as a way to really think and see what would bring you happiness. And for some of you that is just losing weight and not being as curvacious. There might also be smaller ways to ease your dysphoria too. I think if you have been brought up by a more conservative family, you were programmed to believe in general roles especially in terms of your body that you definitely still should unpack. If you've ever felt like you're unnatural for feeling this way or as if transitioning was unnatural, you should just love your body the way it is. yada yada, I want you to know that whatever you believe in (whether that's a higher power, spirit guys, or just you know your future self) they DO want you to make this transition and they do approve of you making bodily changes in a way that would really make you happy. I honestly relate to this group and I feel like I'm gonna cry but just know we're all rooting for you!

#queer tarot #pick a card #pick a pile #tarot #lgbtq #pride #queer pride

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