#I feel like I’m the butt of a joke what am I missing here

[wriokitty]

you are most definitely a menace for the way you speak about ayato let’s be honest here

I give the dash a fun fact. A singular factual statement if you will.

And the dash turns on me and calls me names what sort of sick scheme is this

[trolliworms]

I’m finally gonna make my post about the pjo show, spoilers if you haven’t seen it

I loved it so so much, so I’m just going to list some of my favorite things

“I am Sally Jackson’s son!”

Literally just everything about Sally she was such a queen I love her

“You burn what you’ll miss most.” And then he burns his blue jellybeans to talk to his mom instead of his dad, who’s an actual god.

“I finally have some real friends here. I think they really like me.” Percy, are you trying to make me cry?

“Not you sunshine, you’re with me.”

Flossing Percy, his smile when he pet the lizard, that whole scene was just perfect. I love Walker so much he’s so perfect.

“You fell in love with God? Like, Jesus?”

Luke. Just Luke omg. “She’s my little sister.” The way you can tell how much he despises the gods. The way he’s looking out for Percy. The way you know how he’s going to betray him in the end 😭😭😭. Also why did they have to make him so fine?

Annabeth was perfect, no complaints. “I’m sorry.” Then pushes him into water lmao. I feel like I can feel everything she’s thinking, Leah did such a good job.

Grover was perfect, too. I really liked how he told Percy his mom wasn’t actually dead, even though he might have gotten in trouble for it. A+++

Clarisse’s scream when her staff breaks, the absolute despair in her face. You just know that staff meant the world to her because it was a gift from her dad, I honestly felt really bad for her when that happened.

But Percy in that fight scene? He was such a beast like omg. I feel like in his pov in the books you don’t realize how good a fighter he is, but now we can see him kick butt without looking through his goofball lenses. I especially liked during that scene when Clarisse looks at her friend, and you can just see them exchange a really confused look because they expected him to suck lol.

The way they explained quests through Mr. D wanting alcohol and tricking Percy? It was played off as a joke but that is like genius writing. You get quests explained, it characterizes Percy, Grover, and Mr. D a little more, and it’s a goofy little joke.

Uncle Rick’s cameo!!! In the office scene!!! When I saw him I literally screamed at my friend, “THERES UNCLE RICK! IN A CHAIR!” lol

Bonus: the credits are so pretty 😭 I love them

Thank you for reading friends! Go watch the show if you haven’t!!! <333

[crackedpumpkin]

Bad News || 09 ||

[ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 ] | [ 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 ] | [ 𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ]

“I thought we were here to buy Tadashi’s birthday gift.” Hiro crosses his arms, staring unamusedly as you walk through the aisles of a clothes store. You’d been here for an hour, and are no closer to finding a gift for Tadashi.

“Look, just get him a cap!” He groans, wanting nothing more than to get out and go to the cinema already. You glare at him, gesturing to the wall filled with caps of different designs. 

“Which one?” He stares at it for a solid moment, pointing at a dark blue cap with the design of a well-known cartoon character on the front. You blink. “You’re joking.”

“I am,” he admits in defeat. 

“You’re supposed to help me, not sabotage me,” You point out. He groans again, sliding his hand down his face. “Y’know what, maybe I should get him something else.” Finally walking out of the store, Hiro makes a big show of breathing in deeply, spreading his arms and welcoming the outside.

“You drama queen.” You snort, shoving him slightly. He chuckles, eyes lighting up when he spots a tech store. Before he even asks, you sigh, giving in with a nod. You watch the smile on his face grow bigger with each step, holding in his excitement when he sees the latest tablet or iPhone. 

He’s like a kid looking at new toys. You watch him scan each aisle with excitement, grinning as you begin to wander around by yourself. Each section is something completely different, ranging from smartphone accessories to camera parts. You spot a few cameras on display, piquing your interest when you see people trying them out. 

“Interested?” The unexpected voice makes you flinch, expecting to see a sneaky salesperson trying to promote their products to earn a commission. Instead, your eyes widen as you register a smug Noah standing in front of you. 

“Wha- What’re you doing here?” He ruffles the top of your head with a chuckle. “I thought you might have a shift today at the cafe.”

“Oh, that?” he hums. “I quit.” 

“Since when??” He picks up a random camera and hands it to you. Shock doesn’t fully describe how you feel at the sudden news. He’d been working at the cafe for a couple of years, practically the next overall manager if not for the bias your previous boss had against him. You’d thought he’d still stay there even after you were fired, but to hear that he quit is a whole other level. 

“It’s fine,” he shrugs, hands in his pockets as he watches you scroll through the camera settings. You hold it up and snap a photo of him, scrutinising how the picture turned out. “I have another job lined up already - I’m starting next month as a personal trainer.”

Makes sense. He’d always been the barista who attracted many customers to the cafe, many girls and older women alike coming by to buy a coffee (and mainly watch him at work). His skin is as smooth as a baby’s butt, and he often gave you tips on your skincare. 

The picture turns out fine, though you’re not entirely sold on the camera. You pick up another model, snapping another picture with Noah reflexively holding up a peace sign. “Sounds like you’re making more than before.” You note, taking in the new watch on his wrist and squeaky clean sneakers.

“Yeah, I’ll treat you to a meal sometime. Li misses you, y’know.” The mention of his girlfriend makes you smile, already anticipating meeting her again to gossip about anything and everything. She’s like an older sister to you. 

“Can’t wait,” You try yet another camera model, satisfied with the settings and taking another photo of Noah as your test subject. One look at the price, however, makes you wince, setting it back down.

“Hey.” Hiro approaches the both of you, a bag in hand after having purchased something. “Who’s this?” He asks, moving to stand next to you. His shoulders are slightly in front of yours, eyes narrowed as he tries to figure out if Noah’s a creep or not. 

“Hiro, Noah. Noah, Hiro.” You introduce them to each other. His shoulders relax when he realises who this is, a small smile on his lips as he returns Noah’s outstretched fist bump. 

“What’s up kid?” Noah greets you with a casual nod, glancing between the both of you with a glint in his eye. Oh no. You knew exactly what that meant. “Sorry if I interrupted your…outing.”

“We’re here to get his older brother a birthday gift,” You explain, though Noah’s smirk suggests he thinks otherwise. 

“And watch Iron Man,” Hiro reminds you of your promise. Noah’s smirk grows with every word, warmth creeping up your neck and into your cheeks. “Actually, why not just ask him what he wants?” 

Before you can stop him, Hiro’s already texting Tadashi about it, the latter instantly replying. He reads the message, rolling his eyes. “Get this, he wants a photobooth strip of us both having fun. What is he, old?”

“Oh no, too bad there’s no photo booths around…” You thought you pulled off your fake disappointment, pressing your lips together sheepishly when Noah raised a brow. 

Hiro shrugs. “I’d say no, but he just cashed in the coupon of servitude I gave him last year.” 

“Actually,” Noah interrupts, holding up a finger, “there’s a photo booth right next to the cinema. They just put it there yesterday, and there are loads of different designs and props. Have fun, kids!” 

He walks away with a not-so-subtle wink directed at you. Luckily, Hiro doesn’t seem to notice, distracted by the cameras you were trying out earlier. “Well, looks like you have his gift settled. Let’s go!” 

Saying goodbye to Noah, the both of you head to the cinema and buy the tickets first, Hiro expressing unbridled joy upon getting his hands on the big screen ones. You pay for the tickets, and he pays for the snacks to be collected later. True to Noah’s words, the photobooth is right next to the ticket counter. 

It’s surprisingly uncrowded, with multiple rooms inside the store. “We gotta get some props, meet up at room 5?” You ask, already scrounging through the shelves of headbands and sunglasses. You grab a pair of hot pink heart-framed sunglasses, along with a headband with the Super Mario symbol on it. 

On the way to the booth, you spot a few more props, pursing your lips before a particular one catches your eye. Grinning, you grab it off the hook and meet Hiro whose arms are filled with more props. 

“Looks like we have to decide on four.” He taps the touchscreen, looking through the various options before settling on 4 photos on 2 strips. You dump your stuff into a basket on the floor, grabbing the remote and gesturing for him to hurry up. 

The sunglasses are already perched on your nose, and it seemed like Hiro had a similar idea with his own squiggly-framed sunglasses. He laughs upon seeing you. Using your thumb and index finger to slide your sunglasses down the bridge of your nose, you look at him from under your lashes with a wink. 

The click of the camera surprises you both, not realising that the timer has already run out. Glancing at the screen, the camera caught your jokingly flirtatious wink and the flush on his cheeks. “You look so dumb,” You giggle, hurriedly preparing for another picture. 

He hands you a toy gun and a clip-on tie, adjusting his own and getting into position with his toy gun pointed at you. You raise your hands in surrender, both of you posing as a secret agent catching a bad guy.

The next pose required a little more finesse, however, when you hold up a toy camera and instruct him to do his best pose. You almost collapse from laughing when you see the result on the screen, his lips pursed into a pout with the back of his hand on his forehead, captured mid-swoon.

“Not bad,” He says in amusement, grabbing one last prop. A clipboard is in his hands. You slide the Super Mario headband on his head, adjusting his hair so that the symbol can be seen clearly. 

God, his fluffy hair can be both gorgeous and annoying. You move a few strands out of the way before letting out a satisfied hum. Your gaze drops down to his, catching a flicker of amusement in his brown eyes. They soften upon noticing you pause, and you subconsciously suck a sharp breath between your teeth. 

The countdown timer for the last five seconds beeps, successfully snapping you out of whatever was between you both at that moment, taking a step back and clear your throat. You slide on the lab coat you’d grabbed earlier, adjusting the collar and facing him with a shy smile. 

Clipboard in hand, he holds up an imaginary pen. Once your eyes meet, however, a silence falls over you both. You look away with flushed cheeks, holding up a peace sign as the camera clicks the last picture.

“Looks like we’re done,” Hiro comments. The screen begins to fill with the photos taken, the both of you selecting 2 each. You’d chosen one without any pops, just the both of you smiling cheesily at the camera while Hiro does bunny ears behind your head. Another is the secret agent pose. 

The ones he chose were a little different, with one being the swooning pose, while the last is of him waving a wand over your head as you look at him grumpily. They’re perfect. Tadashi better like them, especially after all the hard work you’d put in. Another picture captures your eyes though, an unselected one that had gone unnoticed.

“What about that photo?” It’s suddenly blocked by his hand hovering over it. You look at him, unimpressed by the awkward smile on his face. “Really? Very mature Hamada. C’mon, lemme see how bad you look in it.”

“No- I mean, we already have four photos. Whoops!” He quickly slams a finger against the screen, proceeding to the next page where you can edit the photos with stickers and drawings. However, you’ve already seen the picture, realising that he’d been looking at you when the camera took the photo. His eyes were soft, a small smile on his lips while his hands were held up in a peace sign.

Cute.

You suppress a smile, clearing your throat and leaning back with a shrug. “Looks like we’ll just have to go with these four then.” He breathes out a relieved sigh, trying to brush off his earlier actions as nothing. You, however, notice his flushed ears and stuttered breaths. 

You’re no better. Your cheeks feel like they’re on fire, distracting yourself by scrolling through the multitude of stickers before landing on one. Your lips curl into a mischievous grin, exchanging a knowing glance with Hiro before selecting the sticker. “You think he’d laugh at it?”

“It’s hard not to when there’s a Mr. Pringles moustache on each of our faces.”

You nod solemnly. He has a point. All the more reason to put the stickers. Placing down the pen with a satisfied smile, you let Hiro choose the frames for it. The photo strips are only fifteen dollars for three strips, so you pay for three instead of just two. One for Tadashi, one for you, and…

Hiro stares at the last photo strip you hold out to him, raising a brow. “Isn’t this supposed to be Tadashi’s gift?” He’d gone to return the props, giving you the time to mull over how many to purchase.

“There was a promotion for it, so I just got three. Look, if you don’t want it-” You’re about to withdraw your hand when he coughs, interrupting you. He grabs the photo strip, nonchalantly shoving it into his pocket. 

“Who said I didn’t want it?” He mutters though you notice that he’s being careful about how he put the photostrip in his pocket. “Besides, this’ll be a souvenir to mark the occasion of Iron Man.”

You suppress a grin. “You’re right.”

— — — — —

@urfavarab @dee-zbignuts @frogindisguise @mangodamochiii @stars4won @whoisgami @nayleannn @millerworld @bodieohbo @1intrusivethoughts1 @randobeetlehouse @riritvt @louvredea

[khaoala]

first and foremost if anyone sees namtanfilm can they please give these to them 🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆 heartbreakingly beautiful performance 👏🏽😭

I’m not really sure what to say. There were tears. There were tears that were just falling down my face. The entire time.

The two main hits were:

May going to see Ben and then getting on her knees to ask for forgiveness!?!? 😭😭😭😭

THE ENDING WHEN THE TRUTH COMES OUT!? Niagara Falls on my face. 😭😭😭😭😭

I just want to give them all hugs! Get in here oom 🫂 (they’ll never make me hate you), one for you too may 🫂 AND DOUBLE FOR AI 🫂🫂😭😭

sorry i am unable to form any real coherent thoughts over this weeks ep.

-🤫

Wait actually I do have some extremely random thoughts 🙈

-the sibling in me shouted “SMACK HER IN THE BUTT” when oom tried waking up ai to talk with her

-I doubt that oom has ever looked bad a day in her life, just going to see Jan she looked fucking gorgeous 🫠

-no pimpangjan this ep was real bummer

i've always knew gmm has some of the best actresses in their line up. personally, and at least when it comes to qls, i would say they have the best female performers and that became clear to me in 23.5 when i saw milk acting, when i had only ever seen her in bad buddy as ink, and there wasn't much space for her in there, but as ongsa, she really showed what she's capable of. same thing with love, though i had glimpses of her in home school, and ciize who we always see as the funny best friend of gay friends. i don't think i even need to mention view who was fabulous as aylin and won everyone's hearts, too. and even godji who we often see playing cameos or joke characters, and as teacher nida, she just shinned.

i'm really glad we're getting more gls from gmm because these is their chance to showcase how amazing their actresses are. i think that both in pluto and 23.5, both casts talked about how nice it was to be on set where the majority of the cast is female, and just the other day i saw the pluto bts where film asked for namtan so she could get in the mood for an emotional scene and they didn't even need to say a word. she just looked at namtan and just like that, she was into it. these women know their craft and they trust each other.

i want them to get so many awards for their performances bc it's 100% well deserved. they are amazing in this show. and though they've had many scenes that were amazing acting wise, that last scene with may and oon, where they are both crying so much and genuinely sobbing stuck with me the most, too. that was something. i have the impression they weren't supposed to cry as much, but namtanfilm remind me of firstkhao in that aspect, especially when they were in the eclipse, where they couldn't hold back tears if the other one was crying. emotions flows and transfers to the other that easy (and i must say, too, as someone who enjoys both gls and bls, my dream would be to have these four in a project together, but i know for a fact the fandom experience would be hell).

this episode was a lot indeed. i also don't think i have a lot to say other than they made me feel a lot of things.

though i have to say, as someone who also has siblings, i was disappointed at oom's lack of insistence with oon. "oh, but she just woke up from a coma," honey, that's no excuse to not beat your sibling's ass. you're confused and need answers, annoy your older sibling like your life depends on it.

i have a mad crush on oom. idk what that says about me exactly, but maybe i'm attracted to the mean and dangerous types (see our brief conversation about gen). that woman is so pretty regardless if she's at home chilling or going out seeking for answers with her bestie. and namtan has two different types of beauties when playing the twins, it's actually crazy. i love her and i hope she gets many awards for her portrayal of ai-oon and ob-oom.

i really missed seeing throuple shenanigans this episode, too. i thought we'd get them at some point in part 3, but they didn't make it. which only brings me to the conclusion that the pang kissing pim while jan watches will happen next episode bc i can't see them pulling that off in the last episode of the show (though i'd be down for that, i mean, i wish i could see their reactions when they watch it with fans for the last ep fm)

[roydeezed]

One Piece-Chapter Round-Up(Chapter 1082)

Haven’t written anything in a while on here manga-wise but there’s no way I miss talking about such a banger One Piece chapter. To start off with we get an adorable cover of Chopper mistaking Zeus for cotton candy. It’s good to know our collective son is being fed. It takes a fandom to raise a human animal hybrid after all. Jokes aside, I’m going to be diving into spoilers for this chapter below the “Keep reading” so check it out if you’re curious. Also, ya’ll should probably hold onto your butts cause this one’s gonna go a lot of places.

R.I.P T-Bone. As a lover of weird and offbeat characters in One Piece, I am genuinely crushed by T-Bone’s death. If you don’t remember, as he was mainly a minor antagonist in Water Seven, here are some reminders. 

He is one of the most lionhearted and kind character’s of One Piece, looking after both his subordinates and innocents. To me, the most logical way for T-Bone to have been killed is to have seen the citizens' plight and laid down on his sword so that he could get the reward money for his family. That’s the kind of man T-Bone was. He transcended the Marines as an institution and stood up to the strawhats as he believed them to be villains on the way to enact evil. After having his car disconnected and facing Rocketman bearing down on him, he faced Zoro in a one move duel, losing but having Zoro acknowledge him in the process. In a certain way he was also used to foreshadow Ryuma in Thriller Bark as he was skeletal looking and a swordsman. But most of all, he was an unquestionably good person in a world where muddled alliances and the forces of the world can waylay and mislead someone from their dreams and ideals. In my heart you will be missed T-Bone.

Moving on, with a heavy heart, I do want to take a second to talk about old One Piece, specifically Water Seven. As I went back to get screenshots I couldn’t help but marvel at the art of Water Seven. While Oda’s art has probably gotten better, his paneling in those days was in my opinion, at the height of Shounen paneling, matching up with the original Dragon Ball in terms of fluidity of action but bringing such a heavy emotional weight to the characters and line work that it really felt like the peak of his art style. His art has gotten a lot more refined but I really missed the adventurous romantic feel of his pre-timeskip art. As a whole, as things get more dense and locked in, the lack of romanticism and sense of adventure is really felt at times. Despite that, it has been replaced, for the most part, with other equally amazing things. Though I can’t help but miss it at times. 

Talking about the actual chapter again, I’ve looked favourably on the Marines in the past, like Garp and Koby, but if I spend an extended period of time thinking about them, that pleasant taste turns to ash in my mouth. Because the Marines as an institution, are broken and corrupt, more intent on perpetuating themselves than they are with forward momentum and progress. As is the territory with institutions. It’s a portion of why policing doesn’t work in real life. Living in Japan, with their harsh views on crime, Oda would know better than most. Despite what this chapter seems to be about, this chapter is actually exploring what I believe to be one of the main themes of One Piece, the inevitability of institutions. There are probably punchier and more accurate ways of conveying this theme, such as systemic oppression and such, but this really resonates and covers the full gamut of ideas that I believe Oda covers. I will expand on this as we move along but I wanted to put it out there so it would be on the back of yalls mind.

I absolutely despise Sengoku. Like as a person. As characters I don’t think there’s any that I actively dislike because the way Oda characterizes just works on me. I need to make that distinction because I think my dislike for Sengoku is something Oda has purposefully generated within me and others. Talking earlier about Koby and Garp and Hibari and T-Bone and other marines, there is a very important distinction to be drawn in that regard as well. And some very important points to be made. Marines that are on the younger side, like Koby and Hibari and Tashigi, are people that have joined the Marines to do good without having yet become fully complicit in its evils. But they have done so because it is, despite its flaws, the best way they can make a difference and not be stopped. It’s the inevitability of the institution, where despite it’s evils it must provide some sort of benefit, and where those with dreams must filter through it and make it greater just to have a shot at their dreams. People like T-Bone and Smoker are clearly different from similarly old people like Garp and Sengoku and Aokiji in that while the former may be in the Marines, they do their best outside of its systems, being forces of good in spite of their association. The latter on the other hand, as a result of their complicity, whether or not they have good hearts, have become tools of the Marines oppression. Garp’s name is repeatedly used to strike fear into the hearts of pirates and as a symbol for common people to look up to, despite his best attempts at changing them from the inside. And the argument for changing the Marines from the inside itself is such a flawed argument as can be seen with Garp himself. Trying his whole life to change things ended up with him being ground into the dirt while watching his grandson be murdered by a coworker. Dragon must have realized this as well and so created an organization to oppose it. The revolutionary army are an institution itself but one built on the premise of opposition rather than self perpetuation. They are meant to end when the World Government and Marines do. Though I do believe Oda also doesn’t think that to be the answer as our hero is a Pirate. Arriving at the end of this paragraph I just realized I didn’t address the moment that made me go on this tangent. As pictured above, Sengoku hears of T-Bone’s death and rather than mourn the man who many looked up to, he worries what it will do to morale. He wonders how the institution of the Marine’s will keep going. If he was ever a good man, the ways of the marines have corrupted him to think this way. In a way Cross Guild, another institution, also occupies a similar area as the Revolutionary Army, but Oda makes it even clearer that it’s not the way as our first big introduction to it is through the death of such a great character. 

Now let’s move on to the meat of this chapter. Buggy and Cross Guild. As we see above, this really down on his luck man was the one who killed T-Bone. Though knowing how strong T-Bone was, being called the ship slasher and being acknowledged by Zoro, as well as how kind he was, it’s easy to believe he let himself be killed to save this man's family. But it’s also through this interaction that we get a repeat of the theme that I mentioned earlier, The Inevitability of Institutions, as well as a great bonus where we see the inherent romanticism of Buggy. Buggy and his lackeys, Mihawk and Crocodile, have propped up Cross Guild to be an institution for Pirates, a much more successful version and iteration of both the Utopia Crocodile wanted and the Pirate Kingdom Blackbeard wants. They have made themselves the doors one must walk through. But this need also sets up the way that Buggy will later reject this monolithic thinking. 

As we see here, these institutions make it so that now, even to live, you must subscribe to one of them. As much as Cross Guild claims to be pirates, they are an entity in and of themselves. Because the whole dream of piracy is the freedom of not having to cater to anyone else's whims or conform. Cross Guild aren’t pirates, they’re Cross Guild. Another thing I want to comment on is the In the Flesh chants. Obviously the dramatic irony makes it funny since most of it is just cloth, but it’s also such a great representation of the makeup of Cross Guild itself. By propping up Buggy as the leader of Cross Guild, he comes to represent something that is mostly not him, just like how his giant persona isn’t him. 

In the panel above incorporates One Piece’s trademark humour, and later levies it into an emotionally resonant and stirring declaration. I know most people are freaking out about Sabo returning but I can’t get over how much I love Buggy. And his crew pulling a similar stunt to Barto Club, and having him be the figurehead of the ship actually also highlights how close Buggy is to Luffy as well. Also I love Buggy’s crying face, it’s so pathetic. 

I know this panel is mainly played for laughs but I can’t help but feel sorry for Buggy. He really hasn’t done that much wrong to deserve this. And seeing the meeting room, it seems Mihawk, the edgelord that he is, really enjoys his torture. Remember, Mihawk’s full name is Dracule Mihawk, the first part being based on the famous Vampire who’s namesake in turn was known to impale and torture people. It’s really interesting how, other than the mentor and goth side of Mihawk, we also get to see his sadistic side here. But Buggy’s declaration that his life wasn’t supposed to be like this really calls my attention. While Mihawk and Crocodile argue about how to make sure Cross Guild and Crocodile’s Utopia can stay afloat and perpetuate its own system, Buggy dreams. 

Buggy is one of Luffy’s best foils in the story, their interactions being so explosive that they can’t help but reveal things about each other. Luffy has a lot of parallels in the story from Blackbeard being a cowardly mirror to him to Koby being a weaker version whose cowardice was driven by his lack of strength. Buggy doesn’t have courage or strength and his circumstances had forced him down quite a dark path by the time the two crossed paths. Buggy was someone, who, seeing the potential of his peers, was forced to give up on his dreams and take the route that life gave him. As he stated, he never wanted to be what he became, he genuinely believed in Shanks and probably would have followed him had he set out for the One Piece as Shanks was the reason he gave up on the dream in the first place. Buggy, in an elevated sense, also represents those swayed by the circumstances of their life into having their path chosen for them and filtering into an institution, this time in the form of Cross Guild but earlier in the form of Impel Down. Buggy is someone who was forced to give up on his dreams and Oda shows what dark paths that can lead to but he also loves Buggy a lot because he doesn’t let Buggy fully give up on his dreams. 

And there it is. With just those words, driven purely by dreams, Buggy injects such a heart-stirring sense of romanticism back into the series. Because here's the thing. We already know Luffy’s unwavering goal has been the One Piece. And he is the most romantic character in the series in terms of love for adventure and exploration. But it’s been a constant and now he has the strength and clout to do all of it without barriers. Buggy is chasing that dream while impeded by some of the strongest people in the verse. In the face of such strong adversaries, Buggy dares to blindly dream and it reminds me so much of Luffy at the beginning of the series, looking down a Sea King as it stood in his path. Crocodile and Mihawk are monstrous but Buggy actively defies them. I love One Piece ya’ll.

So is Buggy a bad guy? Or just a fool who couldn’t hold onto his dreams as the waves of reality slammed into him? Here, he rekindles those dreams by verbalizing the feelings that drove him and every other pirate out to sea. A dream of freedom and treasure. The dream that you could aim for something other than what life had laid out for you. 

This is by far, one of my favourite speeches in One Piece. It reminds me of Rogers speech and delivered by such a pathetic character, hits so much harder. By doing this, Buggy defies Crocodile and Mihawks desires for a self perpetuating kingdom as there is now an end goal and really stands for the ideals of the series itself, a blind dreaming hope, the desire to chase after impossible dreams, and the love of the journey itself. What matters to these people isn’t that they’ll get to the treasure, it’s that they tried to. And were free while doing so. 

Not me crying at Buggy D Clown. One Piece gets me so emotional sometimes. It’s so beautiful. But asides aside, let’s wrap up some other thoughts in this final Buggy panel before getting to Sabo and the Revos (good name for a band?). First of all before we get to what this symbolizes for the series itself, I want to say a few more things about Buggy. His situation of failing upwards has always been shown in a comedic light but I believe it shows the insidiousness of the world. Because while the lower rank people, like the man who killed T-Bone, have to get filtered through these organizations to live, so does someone like Buggy, who doesn’t have the strength to resist such a fate. If you don’t have the strength to resist these institutions, they will use you as tinder, as fuel. Luffy isn’t in an institution because he’s strong. Almost every other character in the series doesn’t have a choice against it. Wheen you think about it, Buggy’s story really is a tragedy. Somewhere along the way, through necessity of survival his values got twisted. He’s always been a dreamer through and through so I think that’s why it’s sent him on an upward trajectory. But it all began with Luffy, who not only set him on the right path, but also gave him hope when he broke him out of Impel Down. 

And now the other purpose of this panel. With Buggy declaring his hunt for the One Piece, all 4 Yonkous are now on the hunt. Do ya’ll realize what this means? What the structure of the next arc is going to be? So this part is going to be mixed with some speculation and some evidence, but I strongly believe the next arc is going to be a showdown at Elbaf for the last poneglyph with every major Yonkou involved, with the final arc possibly after getting the One Piece or at the location itself being a showdown between Luffy, the Revos and the Marines. Or it very well could be a final showdown with all the involved parties at Elbaf. That all depends on how fast Oda wants to end things. I believe one of two people could be the man with the burn scars. The obvious choice is Jaguar D Saul. And that would be the way to go if Oda wanted to end the series faster, as him having the writings of Ohara as well as the last poneglyph would also set the Revos and the Marines scrambling after him. The other could be Scopper Gaban, the third prominent crew member of the Roger Pirates. That would be the final Roger Pirate marking Luffy’s journey and a great source of info. The last possible bead we had on him, if it wasn’t Shiki the lion, was him drinking with Crocus. But effectively, having one person hold the last key to the One Piece makes it so that the four Yonkou’s are on a collision course with them. I would love to see a Mad Max style race where the Yonkou’s are forced to clash purely for the love of adventure and their dreams, instead of ideological differences setting them against each other. It would be a really romantic and fun way to cap off some character’s journey’s. 

Moving on once again, we see some new Revo’s and I particularly love Ushiano and Ahiru. While the other two are also very cool, I love Ushiano’s way of speaking and his character design, he reminds of Barney but if he was soft and lovable. And Ahiru’s character design is just so great. I don’t know if anyone remembers Nami’s early character sketches but she was supposed to have a bionic arm so I’m really glad to see that return in another character. 

And here we get to see them interact with Sabo and find out that Ahiru was going to blast him. Ugh, Oda’s just so great with characterization! In about three panels we find out that she has a stoic demeanor, is a shoot first type of character, and worries about and misses Sabo, letting her guard down and being quite cheery around people she just met. And Ushiano is just adorable. I want to hug him. 

Oh yeah, Sabo’s back by the way. So it appears that Sabo did indeed survive the bombing of Lulusia and he’s seen something. His interaction with Koala is adorable and mirrors Koby and Hobari to a tee. 

And here we get the theme of this chapter rearing it’s head back one last time. Another set of down on their luck, weak citizens forced to filter through an Institution. This time the Lulusians through the Revolutionary Army. Oda has, in every instance possible in this chapter, where we look out into the world, highlighted the absolute despair involved in the inevitability of institutions and the forced choices that come with such a world. And is it a coincidence that this only happened when we took a look out into the world, away from our beloved strawhats? No, as we saw even earlier, through Aokiji being forced into the Blackbeard Pirates and the 100 damned souls onto beehive, in a world of inevitable institutions and forced choices, such decisions are forced on the weak. It’s why our protagonist is Luffy, and why he desires freedom. It’s exactly what he fights against, and it’s reflected in his crew as well as he took them away from the lives they thought they would be forced to lead. 

And finally we arrive at the final panel of this chapter. The truth about Mary Geoise. And a promise of a reveal. Oda usually likes to cut away at moments like this to maintain the breakneck pace of weekly releases but I really hope we get to learn what happened. Because it could very well contextualize for us what the next part will look like and whether or not the final confrontation will include everyone. It’s also very sweet that Sabo thinks about now involving his subordinates as it might get them killed. This information could also line up with the potential release of information that could happen from Egghead coming up so it could be saved for that. I’m really excited to see what it brings. Another thing that this chapter, being so good, makes me think about is how I’ll feel about it later when I binge the series. Because it’s always a balancing act between week to week storytelling and making an engaging continuous story. Back in Dressrosa, the week to week was a bit of a slog but on a reread and binge it was frankly amazing. I wonder if the breakneck speed and absolute amazing experience week to week right now will affect it negatively as a whole later on. Well, the only thing we can do right now is wonder and wait for next week.

If ya'll got this far, thanks for reading. I'm super late on this one but I'm glad I took my time because I could let my thoughts develop. And once again, if anyone wants to talk One Piece or any other manga with me in-depth, don't be afraid to hop into my dm's. See ya'll next time.

[thedenofravenpuff]

My Current Thoughts on SAMS

Because I can’t help but look too deep into things often unnecessarily, and I’m a rambler of nature, here’s some of my thoughts on The Sun & Moon Show so far, just to get stuff off my chest

SPOILERS, assumptions and ideas ahead!

Warning, WALL OF TEXT and running on tangents. Did try to organize my thoughts somewhat..

So, we all upset about Lunar, yes? Well, besides those celebrating, you know who you are, I don’t care.

The Death Of Lunar So, Eclipse used Lunar as hostage on Monty, we saw that coming once Eclipse made the connection himself realizing that yeah, Monty doesn’t give a flying crap about anyone, not even himself. EXCEPT for Lunar, home he travelled through Hell for, gave them their own body, offered a place to stay when scared, offered support and genuine advice through the time knowing each other. Monty has a backup plan for everyone, even to kill Moon if needed, but would clear do ANYTHING for Lunar at this point.

To be honest, I liked that plot point. Lunar in danger to really show how far characters will go, Eclipse and Monty both, with highest stakes possible. 

Then they took it a step further and had Eclipse right out kill Lunar. And yeah, Eclipse made it clear times before how much resentment he holds for Lunar, which goes beyond just the betrayal but I’ll get more into that in a minute. 

What hit hardest here is the exact way the show writers and actors decided to take this. 

One of the most popular characters on the show, even with controversy around their existence a bit ago, taken out of the equation is one thing. They killed off characters before, (Eclipse, Blood Moon) and we seen them return. Another thing is... Lunar was taken out crying and begging for his life. 

Even though he insisted on his stance that Eclipse shouldn’t get the Newton Star, no matter the sacrifices necessary to keep him from it.. Lunar also made it clear, they don’t wanna die. They are still a young AI which lots to learn, making a new life to revolving around Eclipse. Lunar wanted to keep growing, family bonding, making friends.. That was all taken away by Eclipse lying and breaking his promise to Monty. 

Lunar, still more or less a child compared to the other animatronics, was taken out crying and begging. Afraid, scared for their very existence, facing their very worst nightmare and then... gone. Just like that. 

For those adoring Lunar, the fans relating to him, those who just hyperfixated on Lunar as their blorbo.. that’s ONE HECK of a way to kill of a robot child. 

Am I saying this is bad? Not really. Just... VERY impactful. As effective as that is for story writing... it feels awfully misplaced. This show is.. a silly video game channel.

Twists and Turns Of Story Telling I never minded the growing drama, I frigging loved it the more dramatic it got, calling it my “daily soaps”, my soap opera I cannot miss a single episode of! But I also get it when people started complaining about it becoming a bit TOO angsty and twisted, a bit too traumatic for the characters. What’s supposed to be silly jokes on a  silly comedy channel about playing video games, can no longer be viewed as such, the more serious their story arcs became. 

Moon is abusive and too socially incompetent to help anyone, Sun being the butt of jokes leaving him a sad husk in serious need of therapy, everyone’s a hypocrite, constantly dancing the lines between Murder Is Okay, Murder Is A Joke and If You Kill People You Can Never Be Forgiven. 

Earth was added just to have someone not being an arsehole, only an airhead, with enough social competence to actually offer genuine advice WITHOUT the baggage of committing the acts of putting Sun down one way or another, as everyone else has in the past. If she wasn’t introduced as their sister, I legit would have thought she was going to be ship bait with Sun just cuz  she’s the only one being genuine kind to him WITHOUT being a hypocrite or immediately using him for jokes again right after apologizing. 

The twist and turns of telling their story more and more dramatic and serious, the more it clash to the way they write their comedy and improve their jokes in the Let’s Plays or crossovers with the other channels. 

I’m not saying either one is bad, just that it doesn’t necessarily mix very well in the long run. Of course this divides the audience, who are either there for the drama, the characters and/or the light hearted Let’s Plays. Sure, yes, such CAN exist together, but not everyone can find the balance in that, both in creators and audience. 

The Death of Lunar II  Now I better get back to my original point. 

Lunar as a character and his death. Granted I have no doubt he’s going to be back, if the Twins can defy their own death, even if just hallucinations (although claiming to be regenerating their nano machines), so can one of the most popular characters too. 

But why did he have to die? Story wise, really just for dramatic effect I’m sure. Maybe writers going “Oh, you all mad about ‘too many characters’ on this show?? Let’s see how you feel about us KILLING THEM OFF!” just to make a statement, maybe not.

In-story though? In-character? Yeah.. Eclipse WOULD do that. Just like that. 

He said to Lunar how he loathed them even from the very beginning, he wanted them gone the first chance no longer needing them. They were just to replace Blood Moon, who went out of control and became a threat. 

Lunar was created to be obedient, easily dominated by Eclipse yet fearless enough to be a menace to others. To be Moon’s opposite, loving to play with kids, being happy and silly, curious about life rather than bitter. 

Eclipse hated Lunar for more than the betrayal later down the line, he hated them before that. 

Eclipse’s Choice In the past he claimed Lunar was created by recycling parts of himself he wanted rid of. Code infected by being in Sun’s body, Sun having a larger emotional range than Eclipse, his moments of happiness and his positivity. 

Eclipse CHOSE to be the way he was. He came into existence from the kill code Moon left behind in Sun’s body, an unintentional backup copy of Moon getting corrupted, growing, taking its time to evolve into a proper AI while stewing. Stewing on abandonment issues. 

Some of my most faved lines from Eclipse in the past:

Eclipse: “Oh, so I’m a child now?” Moon: “Yeah, because you act like one! For one, you got abandonment issues.” Eclipse: “I guess I do. But now, I all I have is anger.”

Eclipse: “Why did you leave me behind!!?”

Eclipse chose to stay bitter, focused on his anger, even when claiming to put petty revenge behind him, he stayed focused on being bitter and mean.

He removed anything happy from himself, to use it as base code for Lunar. 

He hated Lunar’s existence not because he needed someone so beneath him to complete his plans.. but because Lunar represents what he saw as weakness  within himself. He saw Sun and Moon as weak and unworthy because of their love, love for each other as much as their love for things they enjoyed to do. Moon wanting to “do better” than his original coding with the homicide code. 

Eclipse did reject being Kill Code himself, corrupted too much by the influence of Sun and Moon, becoming his own thing. He wanted to be above all, even his  supposed intended purpose. 

Lunar carried what he saw as his flaws. Seeing Lunar rebel and reject his teachings, joining Sun and Moon as brothers, making friends, finding things to love.. only a reminder of what Eclipse sought out to avoid himself from becoming. 

He only allows himself anger and disgust.

In the past we do see him enjoy messing with Sun and Moon, mocking them, finding joy in making Sun act out, making people distrust him by rambling about the joy of violence when in control. 

Once he and Lunar took over the channel, he seemed ever so disinterested in playing games with Lunar, even violent ones. He just wanted to work on getting the Star. Even now whenever we hear him laugh, it’s joyless. He didn’t celebrate killing Lunar, merely dusting off his hands, cleaning the board of his last mistake.

Lunar had to die due to the symbolism of what this means about Eclipse as a character.

The Death of Lunar III As much as Kill Code showed interest in changing for the better, Eclipse made it clear that’s not in the cards for him. Heck, if ever learning of KC’s change of heart would only make him more disgusted with him than he already is. 

Lunar was the part of himself he wanted rid of. Seeing others around him change through simple joys and disgusting acts of kindness, he ain’t changing chances. He killed that part of himself to avoid the fate of ‘inviting in weakness’.

That part was Lunar. 

Eclipse ain’t getting redemption, because he removed any such chance of change from himself long ago and then destroyed its embodiment. 

Yeah we got “Good Eclipse” from a different dimension, but he went through a different story with different choices, showing actual interests in joy and kindness. I imagine meeting his opposite self only pushed Eclipse further to wanting, needing, to kill Lunar no matter the outcome with the star. 

I like Eclipse as a villain for this very reason, even before he went this far. Unapologetically evil, he sees himself as the great outcome, the god of a new world. He want to make the world make sense the way HE sees it, without elements he sees as weakness. Ironically less of a hypocrite than everyone else, cuz he face up to what he is and make no excuses, while any time the others try to play the role as “good people” is often by downplaying or full on ignoring their own mistakes made. 

The short of it But yeah, just.. some of my thoughts on this whole thing. 

Am I reading too much into things? Most definitely I got NO CLUE what kind of thought process goes into the writing of these story arcs and how much happens purely from random improve that force changes to the ongoing story. 

Is why I enjoy watching the show still, even as people start finding fault with it, as it jumps more and more sharks. 

Is crazy mess and I enjoy it, even with its flaws. 

tl;dr Lunar’s death was coming because to Eclipse he represents the part of himself he wants dead: Joy, kindness, urge to evolve as a person rather than a machine.

Right choice story wise with how fans react? Eh, no clue, but I just look too deep into things.

Thank you for reading this far

[davidkarofskyindie]

runboyrunn (Harry/Lauren)

@runboyrunn continued from (x)

keeping headphones in so no one would hear what harry was saying, lauren made sure to keep his phone focused on his own face so the other wouldn’t recognize where he was. “oh, so i’m not boring? can i get that in writing?” he teased with a soft smile as he glanced down at his screen. “you know, seeing you like this? it’s probably good that i’m not there. if i was, we would hardly be talking right now.”

“hey, speaking of, that looks like a pretty nice room. what hotel did they put you up in this go around?” he questioned, making idle small talk, as he stood outside of harry’s hotel. having relationships wasn’t easy for someone in his actual line of work– but as a journalist? having a boyfriend just made him appear even more normal. he could handle keeping the man safe but that’s not what this was about. lauren simply missed him so he decided to buy himself a plane ticket, fly out, and surprise him for the tail end of his trip. he could be romantic and spontaneous when he wanted to be.

“come on, it can’t be that bad. would it help if i called your hotel and paid for them to delivery a nice bottle of wine to your room?” lauren offered with a smile as he glanced back down at his phone’s screen. “i could get a bottle here, too, and drink with you and you can tell me more about how hellish the conference is; and how un-boring i am.”

"I'll get it written down and notarised for you" Harry couldn't help but just giggle like a school kid at the sweet small talk with Lauren, the other man really knew just how to make Harry feel so much better. Even with a 20-year gap in their ages, there was no one who truly made Harry feel as happy as Lauren did. "Oh it's the Thompson, actually pretty nice as far as hotels go. Even gave me a king-size bed so I can spread out like this" he said, rolling onto his back and making sure the laptop camera caught the sight of him just fully spread out, the sheet just barely keeping things covered.

"I mean, it certainly wouldn't hurt to be able to share a wine with you... even like this" he whispered playfully with a little grin, getting out of bed and picking up the laptop to carry it as he walked over to the little cupboard, leaving him just walking about in a pair of tiny underwear that Lauren had bought him "I think they might even have some fancy glasses in here... I hope so, otherwise, I might have to drink out of my coffee mug and that's a special kind of sad" he joked putting the laptop on the little counter and looking through it, "Ahh yes, got one" he said, lifting up the glass proudly with a big grin on his face "I'm in room 3B so I totally expect a nice bottle sent up... though I guess the downside is that you'd have to stop being on the phone with me to make that happen"

He mock pounted, looking to the man on his screen "Just make a note of wherever you're having your night walk babe, it looks pretty nice so when I get home you have to show me that" he said, casually walking back to adjust the thermostat mostly just because he knew his big butt would be aimed at the screen which could tease his partner a little. He came back and leaned over to look into the camera "You really are the absolute best babe, so damn lucky to have you"

[suugrbunz]

hi girly!!

1. love love your stuff

2. hope you’re doing well fr

3. could i pls request a bob ship?

appearance wise i’m 5’5 with an average build. ngl i’m a little heavy on the top iykwim so my back always hurts fr. LOL anyways i have blue/green eyes and brown hair that has like goldfish highlights in the sun. i’m half asian half white so do with that what you will. i’m pretty pale honestly oh and my hair is long, like almost to my butt long. id like to think i have a nice smile lol and i love making a pouty face, it’s just so fun.

personality wise i’m an ENFP-T so i’m naturally extroverted and outgoing. i make friends wherever i go and i’m a great people person. i can hold conversations with really anyone and people always tell me i’m very mature and good with adults and older people. i’m also a 2w3 so i tend to be a bit of a people pleaser. i naturally am drawn to leadership positions and taking charge but when i do i often over extend myself trying to accommodate everyone and their every need. i am a generally funny person. sometimes i make a joke that goes too far but i love making others laugh. i also am always complimenting people. i can be insecure myself but i love making others feel good.

i can get into a mood very easily tho. i do my best to hide it but i am very busy so i am not always the greatest in the morning and if i spend too much time around certain people i get cranky. i don’t snap nearly as much as i used too but my friends can tell when something’s off. i hate getting in those moods where im sulking but it happens sometimes. usually after some joking around or spending time with other people i snap out of it. what can i say im stubborn.

i love being involved in school. student council, SPIRIT WEEK, choir, clubs— all that jazz. i’m a pretty good student yk like i have a good rep at school and am pretty well known. i am also a theater kid. i know im sorry. i have been singing for a really long time and it’s like my thing.

i love you sing, dance, act, read, write, listen to music, shop, and spend time with people. my love language is for sure quality time but i do love words of affirmation. i often get called an “old soul” because i am very sentimental with old school values and i am drawn to anything 40s-90s. i am a die hard 80s music and movie fan and my friends think it’s funny im so obsessed with the classics (if you couldnt tell i am a history and english nerd, my close friend calls me her “favorite history buff”) but yeah i love spending time with others. me and my dad bond over watching movies together and listening to music and you bet im the life of the party wherever i go. always the first to do or initiate something, jumping onto the dance floor first and being the last too leave — i don’t like missing out so i take all the chances i can.

anyways i hope that’s enough info and i’m sorry if that’s too much or i rambled. honestly id be grateful if you even read up to this point. if you get a chance to write a ship i would really appreciate it but if not i totally understand!! no pressure whatsoever. thank you bestie boo :)💛💛

I've not felt quite that happy in the past week for numerous reasons. I think with time I'll be fine. Dumb memories, yknow? I know what you mean I'm heavy on top as well lmao. I like the way you speak. You seem really exciting. Thanks for the request

here's your ship!! (🚢)

꒰ I ship you with . . . Floyd Talbert ৎ୭ ꒱

A mutual friend decided to hold a party that was themed to a 1950s sock hop. Dancing to 1950s music was an ideal situation for you especially with the fashion you'd dawn. It seems absolutely perfect, right?

In the corner of the dance hall, he kept glancing at your. Sure, he could probably dance with anyone he'd want to but he had formed a soft spot for you. Even if he didn't know you. Something about your energy was so lovely.

He fell from the start, something about you was... Well, he couldn't put his finger on it but he knew you two were meant to have a relationship... Even if he has some red flags (he comes off a bit player-ish but it's ok)

Your first date is shortly after your first meeting; The way you two met was romantic and by the end of the night had been obviously flirting. So, he asked for your number and when it'd be best to call you.

You two ended up planning the date at the local mall; There's an arcade and theatre nearby, plus mall food. So you two can window shop, go play games, or maybe watch a movie. Maybe all of the above. It seems quite wholesome.

Floyd kissed you goodnight, it wasn't on the lips. That'd be too much at a far too quick rate. He kissed your forehead and for a moment you saw him blush. It's been quite clear he isn't shy, but hey, he's got a soft spot for you. And he can't hide blush.

Your second first kiss— aka your real first kiss...

You initiated it. You gave his lips a quick peck at the end of one of your dates. He was awestruck by the feelings that fluttered around his stomach. You were everything he wanted to fall in love with. You're the measure of his dreams.

The song that represents you two is ; I Saw Her Standing There by The Beatles (pretty cute for you two <3)

[ohthemermanatee]

I had therapy today. I told my therapist about all the regrets and agonies that are ever present in my brain and that new stuff just piles up on top of it. She tried to help me make sense of it. I feel so overcome by guilt? Shame? Regret? Fear of abandonement? Grief? I am overwhelmed by it on a daily basis and I don’t even know what it is. All the people who left me, misunderstood me, those that I trusted who abandoned me. It’s the same narrative again and again and again, and I can’t seem to escape from it. For years now. Recently it got pretty bad again. I went right back into wanting to kill myself and seeing life as a hopeless struggle. I guess I’m still not completely convinved it’s not. My therapist told me to journal and told me to write down what is happening inside of me for internal regulation. I have so many scattered thoughts I don’t know how to put it into words. Maybe a list will work?

1.All the times I was and continue to be misunderstood and misrepresented through gossip

2.How people treated me and how I let them treat me

3.How long it took me to actually realise that I deserve basic kindness

4.How my shitty parents normalised other people bullying and harrassing me

5.How no matter how much I try I always shrink so small in front of other people

6.How neurodivergent I am, and all the social cues I missed in the past which turned me into the butt of the joke

7.Not being enough. Being too much.

8.Being abandoned by those I trusted. In more than one way.

I guess that about covers everything. Today I found out she’s still alive; I wish she had killed herself years ago though. Because otherwise it means they’re all still together and I really just was the one left behind. After all these years I still feel like I have no friends though there is evidence to the contrary. Maybe its because I didn’t invest in proximity friends. I hate my conservative restrictive abusive parents for that. My parents have been my biggest betrayers. They do nice things I guess and support me here and there (though financial support is a substantive help) but underneath it all they’re still the same abusive jerks who refuse to hold themselves accountable ever. My therapist tells me I need to work on letting go. I’m afraid letting go would mean letting people walk all over me again. Letting go would mean going through the exact same things I went through in my shitty childhood and early adulthood. My therapist says that’s the neurodivergence talking, because letting go doesn’t have to mean forgiveness or a lowering of boundaries. I’ve heard that before but I truly don’t know what that means. I scroll the bpd tag through tumblr to find relatability but also as a form of self abuse; it’s just posts about people wanting to end their lives and cut themselves. I understand and relate. I haven’t had alone time just for myself for a long time and that has meant I’ve not been truly able to focus on myself. If I end up back at my parents home now it’s still going to mean hypervigilance and constant anxiety and obviously susceptibility to getting deeply hurt and falling further into depression and suicidalness. That’s what my parents and my family does to me and it’s not going to change because they’re not going to change. But I have nowhere else to go. Maybe it’s better to stay with my boyfriend because at least he is nice to me, and he takes care of me. But he’s struggling too and we spend our days not being able to get out of bed because we’re both really depressed. His feelings are valid but a burden to me on top of mine. I don’t have the bandwith to take care of him and his presence can be too much for me sometimes. But not more than my parents. I guess there’s no good/ better alternative here.

What I really need is money. A job. Hopefully one I like. A place of my own but also without worries about being harrassed by the owner or agent or anyone or anything. A place I can get a cat at, and call it home. Where I can just exist in peace and quiet. Where I can call my friends over when I want to. I really need to make proximity friends so bad. I’m drowning. Even living with a boyfriend while having many (albeit long distance friends) has not made me happy. Which begs the question, will anything? With this brain? But I guess I obviously have to credit the huge institutional mess I’m under. I took this huge risk and it is still flimsy on whether I’ll win or lose and all this uncertainty has me fucking dying for a while now. And they’re in no rush to resolve it. They’ve already stole several months of mine. I hope to squeeze them dry for financial compensation, but only if I win. It’s all getting so dark. I really don’t know what to do. I want to go outside and throw myself in the river. I do not want to exist, because the upsides seem less and less and so fleeting. I don’t want to deal with any of this.

[thegreatobsesso]

Well, listen, it's finally time. I don't know if I can manage to finish 50 Shades of Grey, but I started it. It has been the butt of so, so many jokes that I just feel like I have to experience the undiluted source material.

The first chapter was WILD. Say what you will but it inspired me to sit down and write something absolutely absurd. It's under a cut because I don't wanna yuck anybody's yum on main street, so if you actually like the book, I'm really glad you liked it, but please don't read this.

And if you guys feel like you need some Milo and Octavius content written in this style, let me know, and give me a bit more time to actually make it to the sex scenes.

--

I look into the mirror as I struggle with my ugly hair. It’s ugly and tangled. I know I have to hurry because I’m helping my sick roommate Kate.

“Kate, do you want some Tylenol?” I ask her friendishly.

“No thank you,” she says sickishly, still more beautiful than me. “But do we have any Ibuprofen?”

“Yes,” I say. “We do.” I go to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and retrieve the medicine. I bring it into the living room for Kate.

“Thanks,” Kate says. 

“You’re welcome,” I say in return.

“You’d better go if you want to cover my interview on time,” Kate says. She is my best friend.

“You’re right,” I say, and then I grab my purse and leave the house, which is in Vancouver, and get in Kate’s car to drive to Seattle, where I am going to do her interview for her because she’s sick.

The car is nicer than mine and drives nice. Holy crap, I think to myself as I drive it. 

When I get there, everyone in the office is a blonde woman in white and back clothes. I don’t fit in here because my hair is ugly and not blonde and I’m not don’t know how to dress myself. I shrug my shoulders inside my blue jacket and get into the elevator. When I get out of the elevator I feel nervous. I shrug anyways and I roll at my eyes at myself. Get a grip, Steele I say to myself. Steele is my last name.

One of the blonde women escorts me into Mr. Grey’s office. I trip over my own two feet and my pants fall down and I fart. Then I puke on myself and fart again. Suddenly there are strong, elegant, expensive hands on my shoulders and I realize an Adonis is helping me up off the floor. Double crap!

“I-I’m h-here t-to i-n-n-in-te-rv-v-v-v-view you,” I stutter, my face a wildfire of shame.

“I figured,” Mr. Grey says.

I roll my eyes so hard they’re like a spinning hamster wheel. This guy is so arrogant. What an arrogant jerk, I think to myself. 

“Let’s sit down,” Mr. Grey says, and then he sits down. He gestures toward another chair like he wants me to sit down too, so I do. I am so flustered. His gaze settles on me like he is a sexy wolf and I am badger that is not sexy but the wolf wants to fuck it anyways because somebody told it that once you go badger you never go back.

“So what did you want to ask, Miss Steele?” he asks.

“Questions,” I say confidently, and then I drop the tape recorder eleven times trying to put it on the table and hit the “on” button. I get the tape recorder onto the table on the twelfth try and then I hit the “on” button.

“Mr. Grey,” I say professionally. “It seems to me like you like to be in control of things. Is that a fair thing to say about you?”

Mr. Grey flashes blinding white teeth at me and I feel like I got punched straight in the vagina. Quadruple crap!

“I do like to be in control of things, Miss Steele,” Mr. Grey says, and I am struck with a sudden suspicion he is talking about sex! I blush furiously and fart a couple more times before I can muster the courage to ask him Kate’s next question.

“And your money,” I say. “There is an obvious lot of it you have. Why do you food money business hire?”

“Oh I very much have a kink dungeon, Miss Steele. If you know what I mean. Lots of ropes and paddles. If you know what I mean. Does that make you feel afraid?”

I stare at him blankly. I really do have the weirdest feeling he is talking about sex! 

“And what about being adopted?” I ask him. I tuck an errant strand of hair behind my ear. Damn my hair! “You must have some trauma in your childhood.” 

Holy crap, did I just say that? I belch loudly in embarrassment. 

“Would you like a job, Miss Steele?” Mr. Grey asks me suavely.

Holy crap! Did he just offer me a job?

“Um,” I say, blushing so hard my feet are getting hot inside my sensible shoes. I’m supposed to be interviewing him! Now he has asked me a question, and I don’t think that’s how my interview is supposed to go. He is confusing me. I guess professional interviewer isn’t my calling. I wish I could jump out the window. 

Mr. Grey is the most handsome man in the universe as he sits there sitting. “I will show you out, Miss Steele,” he says sexily and then he winks at me and my clit explodes. Who does he think he is?

He helps me put my jacket on and when his freakishly long fingers graze my shoulders I lose consciousness. When I wake up he is laughing at me. “Oh, good, you’re awake,” he says deadpan but giggling. “This way to the elevator.”

He walks me out of the office to the elevator. We wait for it to arrive together. He is composed and shiny and self-righteous and I feel like a big bag of turds. The elevator arrives and I try to get in it but the doors are not open yet so I just walk into the doors. Mr. Grey laughs at me again very seriously, and gives me a look that says it’s about sex. Then the elevator opens and I get inside successfully this time.

“Christian,” I say, because that is his first name.

“Anastasia,” he says, because that is my first name.

And then the doors close. Holy crap!

[satan-reallucifer]

I wanted to post this here mainly so it never fades away. It’s time the truth is known.

Don’t think of it as a goodbye. It’s see you later.

July 04, 2024

To whom is reading this,

I'm probably already dead. You may be wondering why I did what I did. You may even blame yourselves or others. I assure you it has nothing to do with you or anyone else. I would’ve made that clear if it had been simply a personal dispute with someone. I don’t think that would be a good reason to.

I was just simply not strong enough to keep fighting a war with no wins. There was no way to win outside of defeating the one thing I knew could be defeated. I couldn’t kill the beast inside me and it would’ve gotten out if I didn’t take action. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. The aggressive disposition I had and the hostility. It was always there. Like a bubonic cyst about to burst and cover everything in its disease. It had to be taken care of before someone ended up hurt or worse killed. As someone who has always been the butt of every joke I used to think it was trying to protect me until I got older. Then it was clear that it wanted nothing to do with me besides to injure and ruin anything it could. The unsatisfied hunger for violence could only be described as how a Wendigo must feel all the time. Nothing helps it but you simply just have to deal somehow. Maybe at the beginning it was created for protection but now I don’t even know who I am. Whatever is still there of who I once was is withering away at an alarming rate. I had to prevent terrible things from happening. I knew it would be only a matter of time before those simple thoughts became a reality.

I don’t want you to be angry at each other for this accident. I wish I could see how great things turned out after I passed. How everything calmed down in the lives of people I call family. I know at first it will be turbulent but it will pass and everything will become better. You’ll realize you’re free of my curse. You no longer are chained to my existence that drains and sucks the living shit out of people's happiness. I hope you’re relieved by this feeling and that you can live a happy life. You are free and never have to deal with my leechlike self again. Maybe one day we may meet again, hopefully I won’t be a creature that sucks everything dry of dopamine. Maybe I won’t be such a psychopath. If anyone tries to say I was a good person at my funeral just know that isn’t true. I’m as evil as they come feeding off of terrible things just to stay sane.

To my best friend. I have kept this secret from you mainly because I knew how bad it was. I’m sorry I didn’t have the balls to tell you. I knew if I told you I’d waste an opportunity that you’d find someone who is better than me and would take better care of you. I can’t even take care of myself. I smell bad. I couldn’t even shower everyday towards the end. I could only muster enough energy to get up, go to class and go back to the dorm. Rinse and repeat. In the summer it is similar. I lost the ability to care about what happens to me. I’m a psychopath and I fantasized about hurting characters that didn’t exist. I mean who does that.. I’ve always felt that way. The secret is I had a huge crush on you and you were the only person I even considered living with for the rest of my life. I wanted to as well but I feared you’d hate me because of my flaws. I mean I do. You deserve someone better than me and I know in the future you will find someone who will do what I couldn’t. Someone strong enough to keep stability and consistency. I’m sorry I failed as a best friend. I shouldn’t even be considered one after doing this. I betrayed you by doing this and I will never forgive myself. I will always love you and I miss you. Maybe we will meet again. I understand if you rather never meet in another life and hate me for the rest of your life. Just know I am not mad at you and completely understand. What I did was the shitiest thing I could’ve ever done in this life. I abandoned my values to go pull a pussy move. I just couldn’t keep going knowing what could’ve happened. I will forever be known as a coward. I’m glad we got to be best friends while I was alive. I think any lifetime where we don’t meet isn’t worth my time. I’m sorry if I got on your nerves at times. I just enjoyed being around you and it always made my day. Thank you for bringing me joy in this life. I can’t thank you enough for being my best friend. You’re the best and the coolest person I have ever met. For a very long time you were my only reason to live. You still are my reason to live. I am so sorry that I did this. I am a POS for putting you through this but I think if I lived it could’ve turned out worse. Please don’t blame yourself for this. I know Britt will take great care of you. I’d argue they are an even better best friend than me. I know you have better options. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me I’m sorry I may have burdened you.

If my parents start making it about themselves and pretending they cared I know it’s all an act. Those bastards are probably 10% of why I grew up to be such a piece of shit. The near constant yelling at me. The spankings in the basement I used to get. They were extremely hard and they did it until their hands hurt. I remember a memory of me as a toddler trying to bathroom on the carpet and me getting snatched up roughly. I can’t remember what happened after that but it isn’t a good memory. Also the time I got grabbed and bit my mom for holding me roughly. It was hurting my armpits. She hit me and threw me back in my room before slamming the door. The times my fingers almost got closed in the door. Not great times. It wasn’t uncommon for me to get thrown in my room. I would throw bad tantrums but looking back given I had reactive attachment and autism. Locking me in a room by myself was probably the worst thing someone could’ve done. My dad also once choked me with my shirt collar by pulling it in the air after I dragged the dog around by the collar. I wanted her to be with me. My mom also threatened to call the cops on me. I used to also hurt myself in the basement with a hammer. I got slapped quite a few times. Things of mine were threatened to be broken. I’ve been screamed at too many times to count. I always felt like I was walking on eggshells around them. Not to mention that my mom touched my bare nether region to wake me up once when I was sleeping. My pants weren’t on. Let’s just say that was the beginning of the end with my relationship with her. After that I hated her even more. My dad was weird with me too and had touched that area when I had underwear on. He also would come into the bathroom while I was showering and pull back the curtain making comments about me when I had no clothing on. This didn’t happen just once either. Then they wondered why I didn’t want to be around them. I also had a trigger that was specific to them as well. To the point I could barely even function in society. It was crippling and I don’t think I would’ve made it very far in life anyway. It ruined any chances of me functioning normally without headphones. I am still conflicted on if they loved me or not. With the things I heard them say about me and told me upfront I felt like more of a burden above all. That even when I tried to do something right it was always somehow wrong. I got a lot of emotional burnout. I didn’t want to do anything. Them asking me why I’m tired was probably one of the things that hurt the most especially when they said I shouldn’t be tired. I had no motivation to do most of the things they asked me and I’d become bitter when I had to. It was because it took a lot more than I’d like to admit to get those tasks done. I simply wanted to just lay in bed or do something fun because I felt like most of my waking hours were filled with stress. It felt any little thing that was remotely seen as work took all my energy out even at the mention of it. Everytime I went back to that house I felt less and less like I had a future. I didn’t want to go back. I got tired of going back and feeling constantly on edge. Like I’d get punished again for lashing out due to stress. I hope they never read this.

One thing I do admit I did as a kid that was evil was me killing animals. I kicked a rabbit to death and laughed as it died. I don’t know why it was like something took over me. Before that I chased it and caught it. I tried to wrap its leg in a leaf within my playhouse and accidentally broke its foot. I then killed it after. I lied and said it just died knowing that I’d probably get in trouble. I spent years with guilt until one day I admitted it. There was no amount of convincing I could do to reason with it. I purposely killed bird eggs because I thought it was fun.I also used to hurt kids on the playground. I’d make them hurt themselves and do it myself. I didn’t know why I felt pleasure in doing so until later in life. I didn’t know how to control my feelings. I also tortured my dog for a while with water but tried to make her drink it in her mouth. I used to pinch her at times because I thought my parents loved her more than me. They did kind of act like they did. I was angry at the fact they cared more about her than me. I will never forgive myself for what I did to her. It’s why when she passed I didn’t come with. I didn’t want her to see the person who used to hurt her in the backyard in her last moments. I grew to love her. I wish I could redo it all over again and spoil her like how I spoil my dog now. The cats went through something similar. I used to spray them with water and chase them. Used to pull their tails until they hissed. Similar to before I grew out of these twisted acts and ended up becoming a better person. I learned to love them and respect their wishes. When I was 13 I found baby mice in the shed. I took them in the woods and made my dog kill them. I laughed as she did it. I don’t know why I used to do these things but I take it as a warning. Serial killers do the same thing outside of the fact I feel guilt for what I did. I wanted to be a veterinarian but I feared that these twisted urges I used to have would come back. I didn’t want to hurt more animals when I wanted to help them. I couldn’t even risk it. If I somehow ended up surviving I fucking pray to whatever entity may be out there that my parents aren’t allowed to see me. They’d just make it worse. I don’t want to see them when I die. Hell no. Absolutely the worst way to be. But I also don’t want my grandparents there, not for the same reason. I don’t want them to see me like this. I love them more than the universe.

They shouldn’t have to see me in such a horrible state I don’t want them to remember me like that. I want them to remember me and them going fishing at Shadow lake or playing board games together. Me sleeping over during a blizzard as well as the countless times I’d chase insects in the backyard. Or the times we baked together. I miss those times. I loved being with them. I still regret all the times I showed any sign of crankiness. I don't know if I’d ever be able to make up for it. I wish I could’ve. I can’t even bear the idea of not having them around. I can’t even fathom them one day not being on this planet. I didn’t want to live to see that day either. I’m sorry I chose to end my life. I love you two and even in death I will. My parents would hate me saying this but you practically were the ones who raised me the way I should’ve been raised. You’re the reason I am not a criminal. You taught me respect and love when I couldn’t get it. For that I thank you dearly. I am happy and grateful we got to live in the same lifetime. I don’t think I would want to live in any other lifetime where we didn’t. All my memories with you two are happy and peaceful.

To my two cousins. I know you’ll grow up great. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for when you graduate. I think it’s wicked that you are getting into D&d and Magic the Gathering. Perhaps you’ll be a better roleplayer than I ever was. I kind of sucked at it. Also don’t sell your pokemon cards yet. Think about it for a few years. I have seen so many people sell them and then regret it. Milo don’t let those bullies walk all over you. You owe nothing to anyone. Bullies don’t like it when they are put into their place otherwise they will keep pushing. Remember just because you are smaller doesn’t mean you aren’t as strong. The smallest cat in the cat family has the highest hunting success rate of all the wild cats. Poison dart frogs are small yet they are extremely deadly. Lots of things in nature are small but that doesn’t mean they are weaker or even lesser. Don’t let people pick on you for that. Your height is perfect the way it is. They will regret making fun of you in a zombie apocalypse when you can simply squeeze your way through tight spaces and get to safety. Aspen I apologize for lying about that “friend” I asked for myself but didn’t want to be honest about it. I was afraid to tell anyone. I appreciate you for looking out for me through all these years. I still owe you so much. You are the coolest man I’ve ever met and I think one day you’ll do great things. I know you already have. I still remember the days when we used to hangout at Christmas and I’d get to see your farm. Man it was such a cool farm. The barn always freaked me out a little. I always thought it was cool you gotta raise pigs and cows. I wish I could’ve been more involved in your life. Thank you for the gifts on my birthday. I love everything you’ve got me. I’m sorry I didn’t get you anything for yours.

To my birth siblings I’m sorry we never got to meet and our interaction was cut too short. I know you all will grow into great people and are well on your way. I’m so sorry about what our birth mom has done to you. I hope you can heal. I hope you don’t do what I did and wuss out on life. I am such a hypocrite for that because I used to complain all the time about how pathetic suicide was. The irony that I ended up doing what I sought out against.

I don’t want August to know what happened. They've been through enough. I would rather someone pretend to be me on Snapchat and talk to them. I don’t want them to know the truth, at least right now. Maybe in a few years. Certainly not now. If they somehow find out please for the love of gosh don’t let them find out I died by suicide. They can’t know it was suicide it would destroy them and rub salt in the wound. As long as they don’t know it’s suicide they will at least not have a soiled image of me. The fact I could’ve told them all along but didn’t would only make it worse. I can’t tell you the reason I am keen on not letting them find out. It is their business and even though I am dead I refuse to disclose their private business. I want them to take a portion of the money I had left.

My reasons for dying to me were enough to do it. I was born with the wrong chromosomal pairs. Nothing in this world would fix that. I would always be looked at as this gender I am not. Nothing could change that perfectly the way I’d imagine it. Another reason is I can never go back to the happy memories I have. I’m trapped in eternal hell. There is no escape outside of dying given I can’t escape the memories of times I have lost. I don’t want to grow older and have more memories to mourn. Everytime I think of the happy memories it hurts me. I miss when I knew nothing and was ignorant, where I thought growing up would be happy. It turns out it’s not and it’s just a giant sea of shit. Everyone has me thinking I’m crazy for not wanting to work. I can’t see myself working a job and having very little time to do what I want to do. While some people told me to find a job you like and never work a day in your life, it’s still work. It doesn’t matter what you call it or try to make it out to be. It’s miserable. To add insult to injury the government decides it wants to be a greedy piece of shit and steal some. Like why the fuck did I even bother. All the more reason I’m glad I’m dead. I don’t have to deal with that bullshit. Then on top of that debt would have ruined me. I would’ve ended up committing suicide at some point between now and my 30’s. This country can suck a bunch of dildos as far as I’m concerned. I can’t even change it and there is no hope for me. Even if everything else wasn’t in shambles, I am autistic. I don’t even fit into society. I am seen as a walking freak show. That has never changed since the second I was born till now. I have always been a pest. I am annoying and just never know when to shut the fuck up. Hell I don’t even fit in with autistic people. I fit nowhere. I am just a freak of nature and death was the solution to this disgusting accident of life. The icing is the fact I wanted to kill people all the time. I never stopped thinking about murder and hurting people. It started when I was a kid and just never quit. I know you may wonder why I didn’t talk to someone, well I couldn’t. You see if I told my therapist that or anyone for that matter I’d get locked up. I rather not be looked at as even more of a piece of garbage freak than I already am. I see this as humane for me to die. Can’t even be born in the right body and look ugly as hell. Can’t even be born in the right gender. Then get screwed up mentally to the point it’s embarrassing. It’s just pathetic. I never would’ve been able to survive in society. Everyone knows that. I would’ve probably ended up homeless and broke or worse in jail. I would’ve never been a good vet anyway. I get triggered by animals vomiting due to trauma. It’s best not to risk hurting animals again like when I was a kid.

The world will keep on spinning even though I’m now dead. To my internet friends I hope that one day you are able to come to terms with why I did it. Know that none of this is your fault nor any of my friends' faults. I know this will not be an easy journey for any of you and I am sorry I am putting you through this. I just can’t take this agony anymore. Everyday is painful. I thought I was going to be stronger but turns out I’m the weakest. I feel my only purpose is to be the one who takes all the awful shit people want to do. I deserve to die out of everyone I am close to. It is fitting given it’s karma for everything I’ve done. I don’t belong here. I am nothing in reality. I should be worth less than a pet rabbit or goldfish given they are better than I am. At least they haven’t hurt anyone on purpose. I should just be bagged up and tossed out. I know I am getting side tracked here and I apologize. Anyway saying sorry won’t ever fix the lives I have broken. The damage is done. If I somehow survived this I probably will never speak of this again. It’s best they know I’m not even more of a failure than I already am. I am far too retarded to even finish one year of college with good grades. And to think I thought I could go to vet schools. Now thinking back on it I realize how laughable it was. I am just a huge waste of money and time. That’s all there is to me. I’ll never be a real man. Death is the only cure for that. No transitioning surgery or medicine will change that. I’ll always be seen as this pathetic gender I was born as that I am not. I am just a trapped soul. Dying will free me once and for all. I can and never will be able to do anything right. I even failed at being an artist. Who even does that? It isn’t even that hard yet I am unable to draw. I realize all my dreams mean nothing, it is all hopeless. None of them will come true and I’ll just be a sad sack of miserable shit by the time I hit 40. At least dying in my 20’s I haven’t quite made it to that horrible stage of life. I don’t see why I should wait until I get older for death to take me. It will only get worse as I age. I don’t want to die after all my animals are dead. I am happy to die now knowing I may see them again soon. I don’t even want to have to bear that again. Anyway think of this as me killing off the weak, sick or injured given that’s what I am. I am basically eliminating any chances of me passing down my terrible genetics. I hope everyone sees my death as an accident and realizes how freeing it is now that I’m dead. I should’ve been aborted but it’s too late for that.

See you later I love you all,

Atlas

[x-x-notyourbaby-x-x]

the days on which my father died matched up perfectly this year to as they were 17 years ago.

on thursday november 2nd in 2006 we were at yiayia and pappou’s house eating lasagna with my cousins, we were all together.

the friday morning my father died and i found out late morning. i remember before that i was eating during recess and pretending to be zoidberg at my friends lmao. then i was being escorted to the office alone and had the principal and reverend explain that myself, my sister and mother would get a police escort to the hospital. my dad looked like he was asleep. that night after going to my yiayia’s and being surrounded by extended family i fell asleep without hearing his sleep apnea machine.

that night i dreamed he came back and we had one more day with him to say goodbye. i woke up to the same silence from the night before and felt him sitting on my bed holding my hand before he left through my bedroom window. i woke up, had 2 minute noodles for breakfast and the first song i heard that day was when you were young by the killers. i still get teary when i hear it.

yesterday i visited him and i don’t think i’d been that present in the cemetery for a long time. 17 years is a long time and we feel like family but like strangers at the same time. i was 13 when he died. it wasn’t his fault, but he died and he never came back.

i joke about it a lot but it never stops hurting. he misses milestones and i often think about how he would have grown over time and what that would have looked like. would we have a good relationship or would we butt heads? i certainly would not be the same person i am today if he was still here.

sometimes he visits in dreams. once i asked my very loving and sweet cat if he used to be my dad before he was a cat. i’m unsure if he is or not. it doesn’t matter because i love them both separately.

i started taking my overall health much more seriously in 2021 because i did not want to die the way he did, at 49, overweight, a smoker with asthma, stressed and relatively sedentary. i don’t and will never have kids but i have a kitty cat, a partner, and friends and family i need to be here for. i can’t treat myself like the exception to the rule and facilitate an early death for myself.

the last time dad visited me was just over 3 years ago. i do wish he would come to visit again soon. i can bake us a pie in my dream and we can share it. we don’t have to talk. we can just sit in each other’s company.

though i would like to talk at some stage. it’s been a very long time.

i miss my dad and grief is weird and it’s been 17 years

[szagaloree]

Eywa’s gift from hell pt.2

Contains: angst/fluff/language

EGFH bookmarks: Chapters

After two days of showing them around the forest, they were at hells gate with spider, once I came in quaritch was already in there, “just got with us, or I’ll have to give you to the white coats,” Quaritch said, I grabbed my mask and go in, spider’s eyes go wide, “do not acknowledge me, pretend you do not know me,” I said sternly, he gulped, “what is a boy like you doing out there?” I ask, he didn’t answer “I got his under control,” quaritch said, “for somebody who was willing to kill kids before you died sure as hell good with them,” I said sarcastically, I huff leaning up “he’s not gonna big to be tested on anyways he’s not a damn animal,” I said “how is he able to survive out there?” one of the so call asks “he’ll tell when he’s ready, that’s a child! Not no science experiment not your property,” i snarled.

After a while quaritch ends up coming across lorks room, it was wide cracked open but you can see her doing a side braid Mohawk, the rest of her hair left out, wavy black texture, hair down to her butt, she word a army green crop juss below her breast, with block shorts that hugged her curves so well, she looked intimidating, a women who can hold her own in a war, almost like the man need her more then she need the man. Quaritch didn’t realize he was staring at her till his eyes met her through the mirror, she stood stopped at her hair staring back through the mirror in confusion and annoyance, he walks away.

Spider runs to her room, “nyema!” He hugs her, nyema hugs him back “oh thank eywa, look… you have to listen… you do not know me okay, if they know I know you, it’s going to blow my cover,” she said he nods “okay” he answers “I’ll make sure they don’t hurt you okay?” He nodded, she taps his arm and stood up. “Did Jake leave like I told him to?” She ask he shakes his head “I don’t know, I believe so,” he says, she sighed, things got hectic yesterday when quaritch came across Jake’s kids, luckily I got there fast enough to make him release them but he took spider.

“I gotta go meet up with him, stay here and just take play dumb, don’t fall for whatever they tell you,” she said, he nods She leaves flying on her ikran to a secret area, she lands and jumps off of her ikran, she looks around but was quickly stopped as the neytiri had her arrows drew back including neteyam “woah woahhh!” She lifts her hands up in confusion, “wait that’s nyema,” neteyam says sighing in relief, “jesus, you would think it wouldn’t be me,” she joked neteyam smiled running to hug her, “ahh look at you, growin up strong like your stubborn father,” she smirks, neytiri smiled softly “I see you” I hand gestured and hug her “I’m sorry, if I was there sooner, these idiots just don’t fucking listen,” she huffs, neytiri shakes her head “I’m just glad you were able to get them out safely,” she says, “auntie nene!” Tuk runs jumping into nyema’s arms “oh my gosh tuk, my little tuk tuk,” nyema squeals, “oh you’re growing,” she smiled kissing her cheek, “auntie ny!” Lo’ak and kiri shouted attacking her with hugs knocking her down “jesus! Y’all are growing to fast!” Nyema giggles.

Jake smiled, “we missed you!” Kiri giggles, “I know, I miss you too,” she sighed she stands up, “hey jarhead, got good and bad new which one ya want first?” Nyema asks, “it’s already been a bad day so go on with the bad one,” he said, “they got spider but the good news is he’s safe, he’s going to be in my care, I am in most command, quaritch ain’t no colonel nomo.. he’s dummy, a clone, a puppet so… he’s under my command, he knows I’ll kill him and the rest of those demons dead if they try anything,” she says, he sighs in relief “that’s good,” he picks up tuk, “but I want to tell you now, they are going to be hunting you, now that quaritch knows you’re here and alive, he’s going to hunt you, for his little so call revenge.. I’ll hold him off but I feel he’s going to do something slick so I suggest for extra safety if shit goes down pack up and go… and I mean now, it doesn’t have to be temporary but, it’s till I can get them off your ass,” nyema says, neytiri frowns “no! We can’t leave,” neytiri said.

“Neytiri I know this is your home and I do not want to take that away from you but if Quaritch or the people find you, it’s all hell again, you’re children are at risk, please just listen to me it’s not temporary, me and Jake both know.. these things have to happen if you want your kids safe, I want my nieces and nephews safe to, tuk doesn’t need to see what war is like at this age, just please reconsider, I can only give you a few days because of the executive executes the order to hunt you guys it’s done I cant control that,” she said, Jake nods sighing “I know.. do what you gotta do, you can only do so much while staying undercover if they find out about nyema they can kill you,” he said, she sighed “yep” she huffs “alright kids give me one last hug-aye!” She laughs when they tackle her to the ground “y’all are going to stop tackling me down like this,” she huffs, tuk giggles “are you coming back?” She asks “when I get the chance tuktuk, you boys protect your sisters and your mother and keep your dumbass father from fucking shit up,” She says, Jake rolls his eyes “funny” he said she chuckles in laughter getting on her ikran “byeee!” Tuk waves nyema waves back.

Nyema walks down the hall, “having a midnight fly” quaritch says, nyema slows down glaring at quaritch, “go walk a dog or something,” she spat, he chuckled “fiesty little kitty” she draw her gun pointing it at him, he lifts his hands up “woah there, clam down ain’t nobody tryna hurt ya,” he said, “don’t call me kitty,” she hissed. He chuckles “easy, I think we got off on the wrong foot,” he says, she pulls her gun away huffing, “I’d say we both want the same thing,” he says I shake my head “no! We don’t! I was brought back to life to after I was killed, you don’t see me going back to get revenge, it’s because of what I deserved! You all deserve! These people need to be left alone, Pandora needs to be left alone not treated like your dead ass planet!” She scoffed, “I am not here for whatever y’all got, I’m trying to better my life not loose it again,” she said sternly then walks away he huffs shaking his head.

The next day Quaritch did the dumbest thing he could do, get spider to teach him, spider said no so he decided to come up with a new plan, get him to get me to teach him. He felt if spider was able to get her to say yes, he wouldn’t have to deal with her already trying to slit his throat,. Spider walks into my room, “nyema! I wanna ask you something,” he says sitting on the bed, “what is it?” I ask putting my gun belt on. “Can you teach quaritch-teach him what?” I cut him off already not liking the question, he bites his lip but continues “just teach him the beauty of eywa, umm maybe how to ride the ikrans,” he said, “no” I responded instantly he pouts, “ oh come on nyema, please,” he begs, “I’m not dumb spider, no I am not teaching that demon anything no,” he says, he grabs the bracelet I gasp chasing after him “hey spider give it back now!” I said “I won’t give it back unless you teach him,” he says, “spider I am not playing with you, give it back now!” I hissed, I kept chasing him around the room till I caught him and got the bracelet but it was taken out of my hand I gasp turning my head and it was quaritch “well.. a mighty fine bracelet you got,” he smirks looking at it “give it back!” I said “you help me or I’ll snap this bracelet into pieces,” he threatens “give me my bracelet back Quaritch now!” I yelled but he only glared at me, “give it back please-no that’s my daughter’s bracelet it’s the only one I have left of her give it back!” I yelled trying to get it out of his hand but it ended up getting hooked on a hanger and it broke, my heart sank deep “oh no” spider gasps.

I begin to cry, “Quaritch what did you do?!” Spider shouted “that’s my daughter’s bracelet you bitch!” I yell kneeing him in the crotch, I shoved him out “get out!” I said spider ends up leaving out of fear he was going to get yelled and I slammed the door locking it with tears in my eyes as I broke down.

Later that night, I got back to my room sniffled from crying. The last thing of my daughter is gone and broken, once I reached my room man’s opened it I took off my gun belt and hang it up. I lock my door, and took my shoes over and nearly got undressed when I notice something on the bed. It was the bracelet fixed?! I quickly picked it up and it was fixed like it never was before, but who fixed it?

To be continued…

[vneuns]

— “CHAOTIC DONOS” + Hcs

author's note(s): it's 2 am im tired and need a shower but by the time you see this i'll be in my bed after having a nice shower and everything

cw warnings: light cursing, and anything else i can't think of rn

Dream

y/ntookdream donated $250 !

tell chat about the time you ate all of my sushi. I'm still upset about that, just so you know.

it’d start off as a joke-

you randomly donating large amounts of money to your boyfriend when he was streaming mostly because you couldn’t be in the room with him because of how much you were a distraction

and then it became a routine

in the random times he’d stream, you’d join and call him out on something new

“No, I'm not telling them about that. suck it.”

y/ntookdream donated $300 !

piss baby. chat. your streamer isn’t taking accountability for his actions and needs to be canceled.

“gu- chat! what the hell you fucking traitors don’t side with them. I didn't do anything wrong.”

y/ntookdream donated $350 !

chat, don't listen to him. I love you. get this trending on twitter to end his career

“you know what. new limits 1,000 dollars y/n go do some work.”

y/ntookdream donated $1,000 !

haha can’t get rid of me b word. i finished my work already cLaYtOn

the chat always finds it amusing when the two of you start going at it like this

“they’re crazy chat.” he sighed as he went back to running around the smp

after a few moments of silence dream was certain he got rid of you until he got another text to speech dono

y/ntookdream donated $2000 !

i’m back my bank tried stopping me from giving my money to my own boyfriend. can you believe that chat? who do they think they are?

“babe stop giving me money.”

the chat would ofc break out in awhs whenever you two used nicknames on each other because why wouldn’t they

y/ntookdream donated $5000 !

more you say?

“okay stream i’m ending it here before y/n dumps out their life savings.”

George

y/nfoundgeorge donated $100 !

hungry

“then go eat something.”

y/nfoundgeorge donated $200 !

idk what to eat. chat halp.

and then chat does

they just start spamming common american foods despite you living in the uk with george

y/nfoundgeorge donated $600 !

besties we don’t have burgers and fries here. shut your american butts up.

“okay n/n that’s enough.”

and then he has to set the donos to a thousand as well, in attempts to stop you

y/nfoundgeorge donated $1,000 !

never. chat you suck

george shakes his head smiling as he rolls his eyes

y/nfoundgeorge donated $ 1,500 !

Look at my pretty pretty boyfriend all cute and s word

His face heats up as he pretends to not see the dono and take this moment to self promo

“At least i'm getting the money- while you're at it, subscribe and prime now”

Sapnap

y/nsapsbeloved donated $500 !

Just got finished playing valorant feeling like a bad bitch

“Thats my sexc partner-”

y/nsapsbeloved donated 800 !

Shut the f up. Okay be quite

Chat is eating this interaction up ofc since the two of you are always acting like strangers near each other

y/nsapsbeloved donated 900 !

Omg we’re making our way to the thousand mark omg chat so exciting

“Y/n quit donating or i swear to god i'll make you sleep on the couch

Quackity

y/ninity donated $ 450 !

I miss you stop streaming

Quack would laugh and roll his eyes

“I just started streaming and you’re acting like we didn’t see each other five minutes ago

y/ninity donated $ 700 !

Okay and what about it

So then he’s forced to play along

“Guys im SO famous- i could use this money to buy a taylor swift concert ticket”

y/ninity donated $ 1,000 !

Wow is taylor donoing to you? Didn't think so

And now he’s worried

Do you know about his plan to get married to taylor swift after her first concert in La

Karl

y/njacobs donated $ 370 !

Come give me a kiss pls

“Why didn’t you just text me babe?”

y/njacobs donoated $ 450 !

Too much work

Not wanting you to keep donating a shit load of money he gets up goes in the other room and just snatches the phone from your hand

“Wha-what are you-”

And then the next thing you know it’s in his pants

“Thats TOS if you take it out”

Wilbur

wilbursy/n donated $ 560 !

Hi babe <3

First time you donate its very cute and hes like aweee

wilbursy/n donated $ 1,000 !

Love me m...f

Then second time he's not having it

He would then tackle you while everyone is clueless on stream

“AHH!”

And then he comes back with a phone in hand with a very strong grip and you try to wiggle it out and hes just streaming as usual like nothings happening

Quackity and tommy just on call questioning everything

“So how’s everyones day?”

“WIL GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK!”

@heyskeppy @inniterhq @basilly @yamturds @dysfunctionalcrab @siriushxney @sqpnap @tinyegg @ttakinou @charnease @o-0i @i-mmunity @b3l0v3ds @alice-blue-skies @the-swageyama-tobiyolo @mitzimania

@acidtabletz

[k3rm1e]

cuddling headcanons! ★~(◡﹏◕✿)

this is more of a test thing to see if i like writing this way and if this blog does well

other imagines and headcanons won't include everyone i write unless it is specifically requested and is a prompt i really like

includes: wilbur nihachu karljacobs quackity dream georgenotfound sapnap p!tommyinnnit p!badboyhalo p!skeppy p!eret p!philza p!tubbo p!ranboo

cw: cursing

wilbur:

wilbur is a very cuddle-y guy

to me he seems very soft

i always see people saying he would like spooning, but i disagree

i feel like he would do more of a half-spooning thing with his head on your chest or the other way around

mans would DEFINITELY make you run your fingers through his hair

i feel like he would lay on your chest and just *nuzzle* into the space between your shoulder and neck

anytime you tried to leave him, whether it was because he had to do something or you had to, he would whine. so. fucking. much.

It would probably always go something like:

you - i need to piss

wilbur - no <3

but the moment he decides its time to stop cuddling its fine

and if you complain that you’re gonna miss him he’ll just call you clingy and tease you

like??? sir???

all in good fun though, no bad intentions :)

nihachu:

i feel like you and niki would face each other

with your head like under her chin and in her chest (this is a bad description but look at the “honeymoon hug” on the list for better explanation ;-;)

she would always want to protect you

so she does that by like almost guarding you and keeping you close

niki would definitely do the arm thing where she just lightly moves her hand up and down you arm

i’m so sorry if you don't understand that, it just feels like something she would do

if you haven't experienced that it kinda sorta feels like spiders??? but in a good way???

but generally she is very protective

she just holds you so close the whole time

even if she doesn’t want to let you go, she’s more understanding about it

she would be upset but wouldn’t show it because she doesn’t want to make you feel guilty

niki is generally just an amazing cuddle-r (is that a word?) and has a super comforting presence

karljacobs:

karl would definitely keep your head on his chest

the whole time he would just absolutely squeeze the life out of you

he would constantly bend his neck down to kiss your head

and instead of just like leaving his head down so he could kiss you it would just be:

*inner monologue karl* hmmm i wanna kiss them on their head

and he would lean down to do so which, cute

but then five seconds later he would do it again

and again another five seconds later

and again

very cute karl but please sir, your neck is gonna be so messed up after this

when you had to leave he would be upset, but like niki, would try not to show it

except karl is very bad at that and his pouting would be so obvious

so you would feel guilty and layback down with him

immediately he just becomes (●´ω｀●)

like a happy little puppy

karl is just too adorable for you to deny

quackity:

now we all know this, quackity is a huge dork

which is why i believe he would DEFINITELY use your butt as a pillow

not even in a weird way

i just feel like quackity isn’t too comfortable with touch so this is sorta his way of being close to you without it being a whole serious thing

like he still is able to be goofy and comfortable without it being a whole big thing

him doing this would almost always come with a flatty patty joke from you

which always causes him to threaten divorce, even though you aren’t married

while it isn’t a very good position for things like physical touch, it is good for talking and having conversations

for some reason i feel like he’s the type of person to text someone when they’re right next to each other

so while he’s laying down he’ll just send you random photos of himself

very annoying when your phone is spammed, but also good blackmail material >:)

i don’t think he’d be too clingy

obviously, he enjoys spending time with you

but if you told him you need to go do work or something he wouldn’t throw a fit or pout

big q just seems like he’d be more rational about stuff like that

overall a 420/69 cuddle partner

dream:

one word: spooning

mans just envelops you and has no shame

very big: “no you are mine! >:(“ energy

while he’s sleeping he’ll unconsciously nuzzle his head into your hair/the back of your neck

when you guys got to bed patches usually climbs in and you hold her

i love patches so much i could write headcanons just about her

dream always wants to be cuddling you

if you try to leave he won’t pout, there simply isn't a discussion on whether you’re moving or not

incase you haven’t caught on yet, the answer is no

you need to do work? just bring the laptop to bed

he needs to edit? just sit in his lap at his desk, duh

obviously, he knows at some point you guys need to stop cuddling

he just isn’t too stoked about it

when it comes time where he absolutely can’t cuddle with you, i feel like he’d be more chill

mainly just annoyed

georgenotfound:

i feel like george, like quackity, also wouldn’t be too touchy

i’m pretty sure he has a hard time expressing emotions (please correct me if i’m wrong!!) and i think that would crossover to his sleeping habits

i think he would prefer a sort of back-to-back cuddling position

it seems cold, i know

but also he would most definitely kick at you

so every night while trying to go to sleep suddenly you would just feel *kick*

and then instead of sleep you’re suddenly playing footsie

lots of laughter and warm feelings involved

george would probably pretend that you kicked his leg hard or something and act like you hurt him

the first few times you were actually worried

but then after a few months your only response was a sarcastic “cry about it”

which just led to more laughter

sapnap:

sapnap and you would do a sort of leg hug thing

you both you try to go to sleep in a cute spooning-type position

but the moment one of you fell asleep it all unraveled

you would wake up apart but you’re legs would still be touching

sapnap would joking blame it on you

“wow can’t believe you don't wanna be close with me even when we’re asleep”

“it’s not my fault! i can’t control where i end up when i sleep!”

“no, no. you don’t have to lie. i see how it is.”

“>:(“

but it's okay!

your legs are the first thing to react in a flight-or-fight situation, so they usually react in an honest way

which is like your legs are both reaching to hold each other!

p!tommyinnit:

i don’t get a very touchy vibe from tommy

i feel like the most he would do is put his arm over your shoulder

not in a flirty way, just in a “hey, there isn’t a lot of space, this will make sitting down more comfortable” way

he will let you sorta fidget with his hand/arm

i don't know if that makes sense but what i mean is that he’ll pretty much let his arm go *flop* so you can control it (by like moving it around or playing with his fingers)

in the beginning he would get annoyed

but eventually he would get used to it and wouldn’t really care

it sounds a bit strange but i personally find it very comforting to just have something to fidget with while watching youtube or netflix in bed with my friends

and it’s entertaining (sometimes i do this to me sister to annoy her :>)

he would act like he didn’t mind if you left him

but holy shit he is so clingy

If you try to leave it’ll just be “no, why??? stay here dumbass”

you would be slightly annoyed when he had to leave  but knew he had to film and stream and all that so you would be okay

p!badboyhalo:

you would kinda sit within bad’s lap

like not on his lap, but more of in between his legs

he would have his arms around you

and his phone would be in front of you so you two could scroll through twt or instagram together

or you guys could watch skeppy’s youtube ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

rat would sit in your lap

she’s just;;;;;;;; so adorable

rat is just so soft and fuzzy in your lap and everytime you move to pet her she just melts

rat is the the superior cuddle buddy to any of these block people

p!skeppy:

skeppy, similar to quackity, is a total dork

he would make sure you guys were in a position where he could effectively troll you

so if your head was near his lap he would just flick you or some

“dude can you please stop hitting me in the head”

“it turns out i am not actually hitting you in your head because based on the perpendicularity of the bisector multiplied by the photosynthesis of the dividend, it is impossible for me to do so”

“wtf”

lya is so goddamn sick of you guys

she's trying to get him to actually do something but instead he’s just sitting there throwing paper airplanes at you while you sleep

he’s an annoying asshole but it's okay because he gives you money for absurd reasons

p!eret:

eret has such a comfortable presence

i feel like she wouldn’t be up for cuddling too much

more of like putting your head on a friends shoulder so you can see the tweet their showing you

but they do like to hold hands

holding hands isn’t very intimate but it's also just such a sweet comforting thing

she even holds your hand when you guys are out walking around

like if you guys were getting food somewhere (post-covid of course)

you most likely would get addressed as a couple

and he would just be like”...wut?”

it’s happened so many times at this point you just go along with it

“you guys look like such a cute couple!”

“oh we aren't-” “thank you!”

can you tell that i love eret?

p!philza:

phil always has such dad vibes

i feel like the closest he would get to cuddling is hugs and hand holding

even though cuddling isn’t inherently romantic, he is married to kristen

so i fell he would get most of his touch in with her

but with you he’s just so fatherly

hello dadza

whether you have a good or bad relationship with your father, everyone can admit that philza minecraft is dadza

this is such a dad thing, but tries to hold you hand when you cross the street

no matter the age, he just feels the need to protect you

hugs are similar

uses hugs as a way to comfort you and protect you

just so amazing all around

p!tubbo:

tubbo would love cuddling in any way, shape, or form

if you guys are hanging out at like the park or something and lying down

get ready to become this mans pillow

this is really fun to do with your friends but imagine you guys are hanging out in a field type area (with my friends we hand out in the field next to the cemetery but it can be any open grass area)

tubbo would just use your lap as a pillow the whole time

and when you guys were walking back to his house he would sorta drape his arms over your shoulders (assuming he’s taller than you)

he would do the same thing when you guys were sitting in chairs or at a desk

just drapes his arms over your shoulder with his chin on your head

if it's really late and he's tired he’ll just hug you

p!ranboo:

if you thought tubbo is bad, ranboo is even worse

not even really cuddling, he just likes having a sort of skin-to-skin contact

so handholding and laying on top of eachother

if he’s streaming he will legitimately message ou to just sit next to him

so sometimes if he’s just chilling by himself on the smp you’ll end up on his streams

he’ll have you next to him just because he likes be near someone

and so randomly it’ll just be like “chat, a real human is here, behave”

chat does not behave

(they heavily bully him)

he’s pretty clingy but when you HAVE to leave he’ll understand and just be a bit bummed out

holy shit this took me so long-

if you read this whole thing thank you!

[topofmythighs]

omg hi, i literally just discovered your blog but i saw this post and was wondering:

could you do "breathless kiss" with Sam? maybe with a college student reader who hasn't seen him since he left (and maybe like S1 or S2 Sam)?

absolutely! i apologize for this taking so long, life has been up n down a lot lately.

stanford sweater

sam winchester x gender neutral reader

rundown: yknow, the pilot episode! sam, somethings wrong with dad! he’s missing on a hunting trip! ugh, but dean, i don’t wanna leave my amazing reader! fine i will, but we’re twin flames so obvi we’re gonna find each other again

warnings: none, this is fluffy and cheesy (get over it)

word count: 2,208

my masterlist

gif creds to tumblr user @/guchie

“well,” they say, awkwardly placing their fork back down onto their plate. sam clears his throat to cut through the silence. “uhm, your dad, how is he?”

the last time they were together was years ago, back when sam was still a student at stanford. after meeting each other at some random stoner’s bonfire in first year, the two became inseparable. so many nights were spent in each other’s dorms with the intention of completing homework, but with the outcome of heated kisses and mumbled compliments.

there was nothing hard about loving sam, and there was nothing hard about loving them. when sam was around them, his heart felt complete.

“i dunno how you did this to me,” he would mumble to them as they laid on his chest. their dorm room was decorated with muted browns and greens, making the room feel that much more comfortable. once they hummed in question, sam mentioned how they made him soft, mushy even.

“i’m supposed to be tough for you,” he’d grumble. “but you make me soft and-“

“adorable,” they would giggle before stretching up and kissing his lips. “you are adorable. and you still are my big, tough, protector, but c’mon sammy, you’ve always been such a softie.”

sam swats away their hand that is pinching his cheeks and he blushes, his heart filling with love, heat, and admiration for his partner. when he was younger, sam often felt like the butt of the joke, an outcast. but when he arrived at stanford, he felt at home. he wasn’t sure if the feeling of belonging came from being away from his family or if it came from the heavenly, sparkly-eyed person who fell asleep on him every night.

he realized that deep feeling of security came from them when his brother visited him at school.

“sam, it’s about dad,” dean said, eyes bouncing from sam’s to his partner’s, then back to sam’s.

“dean,” sam started. “i told you, whatever is going on, i don’t want to be involved in it.” sam’s mind was running a thousand miles a minute, and he wished his legs would too. he came to school for a reason, and he left his family with the promise of never being part of the winchester business again.

“well,” dean sighed. “he’s on a hunting trip, and no one’s heard from him in a while. just wanted you to know.” dean nodded at sam’s partner, who smiled back. “hopefully you can get your head out of your ass and come help, sammy.”

dean left sam’s dorm, destined to get lost, but too hard-headed to ask for directions. sam and them sat on his bed, and they adjusted his grey stanford sweater around them tighter, feeling cold from dean’s presence.

“sammy?”

his eyes met theirs, and they were darker, glossier even, than they had ever seen them. he smiled tightly, and shook his head to himself, looking at his lap.

“i came here to run away,” he whispered, his heart bubbling with emotions.

“i know that, sammy,” they whispered, taking his hand in theirs. his hands were rough along the palms, but fingers soft. it was a lovely combination to them. “but it’s your dad, and it must be pretty serious if your brother came to tell you about it.”

sam sighs, squeezing their hand tight. “how am i supposed to leave everything here and go back?”

they were confused, scared to read too deep into what sam was saying. his dad was disconnected from his sons, an action that was clearly foreign to the boys; why wasn’t he rushing to go and find him? what was so terrible about helping his brother find his missing father?

through hours of convincing and reasoning, they assured sam that helping dean find their father was the best decision he could make.

the next morning came too soon. all of this was too rushed, they could agree on that, but sam’s angelic partner reassured him that his departure wasn’t what should be tugging on his heart. he loved that they always tried to put him first, but he feared their heart was hurting too much, and that he may not be able to mend it. they understood the importance of loyalty and family, though, and couldn’t justify holding sam back from helping.

“i will still be here when you come back, sammy,” they said, tears welling.

“i know, angel,” he whispered, his hand on their cheek. dean was putting boxes of sam’s things into his shiny car, grunting and kind of ruining the moment. “i just don’t want to leave you.“

the wind was strong on the frigid march morning, causing them both to shiver and hold each other’s hands tight for warmth. the fog was still rolling in, making campus seem like a salem based fiction novel. sam’s charcoal grey jacket made his shoulders look even broader, making his partner’s desire to snuggle into him even more compelling. so, they wrapped their arms around his waist, nuzzling their face into him. he kissed the top of their head, wrapping his arms around them too.

“i’m gonna miss you, sammy,” they sighed.

he squeezed tighter. “i’m gonna miss you too, angel. but i’ll call you, yeah?“

they nodded and pulled away. “please do.”

with soft smiles, a small kiss, and a solemn wave goodbye, they never saw sam again. they never heard from him, or dean, even. eventually, after a few months of desperately trying to reach him, crying into some sweaters he left for them, and coming to terms with their apparent breakup, the sparkly eyed past lover of sam’s moved on.

they dated here and there, nothing ever coming close to the feeling they had with sam. there was never a spark, let alone one that came back every time their hand was held. there was no scent that could ever hold up to sam’s. the loss of him left a chunk out of their heart, especially.

it wasn’t until just shy of two years later that they saw sam again. his hair was still the same, messy from his head shakes to get it out of his eyes. his stature seemed more muscular; the way he held himself seemed more confident. when they caught his hazel eyes for the first time in too long, they seemed dimmer and agate. he had blinked them a few times, as if he was focusing on them from across the diner. he smiled doubtfully, insecure and unsure. he held his hand out to dean, gesturing for him to take a seat, and he wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans.

he walked up to their booth, their eyes never leaving his since the bell of the diner door chimed. his heart squeezed when he noticed that they were wearing an oversized stanford sweater, clearly one of his own.

“hey,” he sighed out, smiling shyly.

“hey,” they replied, looking up at the man, once a boy they had fallen in love with.

“uhm, can i?” he asked, gesturing to the seat. they nodded, and before they could smile in reassurance, sam started to ramble. “i’m so sorry. i was a total dick and left you high and dry without another word, and i’m so sorry that i fucked up the way i did. there hasn’t,” he sighed again and looked around the diner, scared to meet their eyes. “there hasn’t been a day where i haven’t thought about you and how whole you made me feel.”

“hey,” they repeated, this time not as a gesture, but as a reminder to sam that their heart never held a grudge. the soft sound of their voice lit his heart up again. “it’s okay. really, sam. it’s been a long time. it would be immature of me to feel any kind of resentment towards you. you did what you had to do.” they smile softly, and their waitress comes by to ask sam what he wants.

while he asks the waitress for a coffee and the house special, dean catches the eyes of sam’s old partner, a small smile coming onto his face. they smile back, trying to not make things awkward.

so the two talk, getting used to each other again. it’s small talk, sure, but they’re both remembering the inflections in each other’s voices on certain words; sam listening for the slight lisp of the letter s that they speak with; them hearing the grit in his voice.

it’s mindless small talk. “well,” they say, awkwardly placing their fork back down onto their plate. sam clears his throat to cut through the silence. “uhm, your dad, how is he?”

sam grunts and shifts awkwardly in his seat. “he, uh,” he begins, desperately trying to remember the story he and dean said to law enforcement to cover up the death of their father. “he passed away on that hunting trip.”

they sit back in their seat, quickly muttering an apology to sam.

“it’s okay, really,” he says. “we’re getting through it.”

they nod, instinctually reaching for sam’s large hand. their hands rest together for a brief second before they try to pull away, but sam holds their hand instead. their fingers interlock, and it’s a little awkward to hold hands over a table, but they’re feeling those sparks that they’ve only ever felt with sam, and suddenly, everything’s feeling okay again.

“i really missed you, sammy,” they say, shy eyes meeting his again.

“i really missed you, angel,” he replies, squeezing their hand tighter.

“so,” they say, clearing their throat and moving their hand from sam’s. “do you live here now, too? or just visiting town?”

he awkwardly smiles, moving his hand from the table and back onto his lap. “uhm, just visiting. you?”

they shake their head to themselves, disappointed that their reconnection won’t last long. with their optimistic eyes, they reply, “i live here now. want to go for a walk and i can show you around?”

sam blushes. “that would be really nice.”

after paying, sam telling dean to go do his own thing, and walking out of the diner, the pair make their way down the street. they tell him about the cool buildings and explain all the businesses inside them while sam feels his heart light up from their voice.

he does something he doesn’t feel like he has the privilege to do, but grabs their hand anyway. when they feel it, they glance down at their hands, and instead of tugging away like sam assumes, they tighten their grip on his hand and keep showing him around the block. the autumn air is crisp and the setting sun is still warm; sam feels like he can breathe again.

they find their way to a small park, sitting on a bench to be entertained by the dogs and children running around. red and orange leaves paint the ground, a familiar scene from the year the pair met. there’s not much conversation between the two, as they’re both just focusing on the presence of one another.

“hey,” sam starts, catching their eyes. he smiles, his teeth as white as they remembered. “thank you for this.”

they nod, smiling back. “of course, sammy.”

he squeezes their hands tighter. “i missed you.”

with a small frown, they reply with “i miss you, too,” feeling their heart yearn for him. “please,” they whisper, looking at his crystal clear hazel eyes. “don’t leave me just yet.”

his heart squeezes from the plead, his mind cursing himself for ever hurting someone this way. “i wasn’t planning on it.” there’s a few moments of the pair looking into each other’s eyes, admiring the feeling of being together again. sam places his hand on their cheek, the other hand still holding theirs.

he fears he’s overstepping again, but leans forward to kiss the lips of the first person he fell in love with. it’s a small kiss, just a peck - he really didn’t want to overstep.

they release his hand, and for a mere second, sam’s heart drops; but, their arms wrap around his neck and kiss him repeatedly. the feeling is so familiar, eliciting smiles from them both.

his hands find their thighs, resting on top of them and feeling the chilliness of their skin through their jeans. he grabs gently, hoping to warm them up. they giggle, pulling back and looking into sam’s eyes. their faces are close together when they whisper, “sam winchester, you are somethin’ else.”

he laughs and touches their noses together, kissing them again quickly. “as are you, angel.”

they sit on the bench still, their bodies close together as they talk about what should come next. sam tells them how empty he’s felt, how they make him feel at home. he explains how he doesn’t want that feeling to go away ever again, promising them that he wants to make this work again.

they beg for reassurance, for a solid and sure promise that sam will never leave them again. he assures them that he will do everything he has to for them to stay together.

“it’s nice to feel this way again, sammy,” they say, eyes squinting from the setting sun.

“yeah,” he agrees breathlessly. “it really is, angel.”