#I feel like I forgot a couple but some I purposely left out like Josh or Ted or Jenkins cause reasons

[anna-hawk]

Hey Bernfolk, sorry for the lack of fun polls lately. Inspiration completely left me for these but I hope to make a couple soon.

As for today's poll... Jon has been in numerous movies and shows, and while often for just a few minutes of screentime, he's always left a strong impression. Despite that, a lot of these characters aren't talked about enough. I made a selection, and I know that the choice isn't 100% fair since some characters are part of the main cast of the show/movie, but I still feel like they tend to be overlooked.

[fangirlovestuff]

Cycle - Steve Rogers x reader ch.3

previously: ch.1 ch.2

Summary: You go out with Bucky and some other friends from work. There you meet one very handsome captain, but he has a very odd way of flirting. Or maybe, he just doesn’t know how to?

Word count: ~2,370

Warnings: explicit language, mentions of sex, one guy who’s being a jerk

a/n - Hey lovely people! i’m finally back with another update for this series, and you finally get to meet Steve! I hope you all like it and as always, comments/reblogs are deeply appreciated. awesome divider is by @whimsicalrogers​ and as always, italics are for thoughts. Enjoy<3  

You looked down at your phone to check the address Bucky gave you one more, and then let your gaze roam over the entrance to the club. You had no idea how he got your phone number, and you didn't really want to know. Maybe it's on the corporate… something or whatever, you calmed yourself and entered the club.

You were fashionably late, although not entirely on purpose… what? When you go out with the Avengers, you gotta put your best foot forward!

When you entered the club, your eyes needed a moment to adjust to the low lighting. Once you did, you spotted Bucky, Steve, Sam and a few more people from work. Fortunately, there was even one lab tech you recognized from today, at the sight of whom you let out a sigh of relief, inaudible over the loud music. You made your way to the table, willing your legs not to trip and embarrass you.

You made it to the table alright, and Bucky spotted you first, getting up to greet you. There was an awkward moment, both of you unsure whether to go for a hug or a handshake, but Bucky decided to just wrap his arm around you in a friendly hug so you went with it. You waved at everyone else and smiled at David, the lab tech you recognized. Your gaze wandered around the table, taking in everyone who was sitting there, either smiling at you or talking between themselves.

"Hey," you felt a gentle tap on your shoulder, turning your head to look at Bucky, who was sitting to your right. "Nice turnout, right?"

"Yeah," you said, genuinely impressed. "Thanks for inviting me," you smiled at him.

"Sure thing," Bucky said, and then louder, to the entire table he said, "Any of you wanna dance?"

Most of you got up, going after Bucky to the dance floor, including yourself. Steve stayed behind at the table, but you didn't think much of it. You danced with them for a while, letting loose a little and making conversation, as much as possible, with your coworkers. It was nothing like you'd ever done, clubbing with the people you worked with, but you assumed it would keep you from going home with some random guy, and so far it was working.

You were dancing with Sam, laughing as you locked eyes with a guy from across the room, and shit, maybe I spoke too soon.

Sam noticed you looking at the guy and smirked. "Go talk to him," he told you over the music, laughing as you averted your eyes bashfully, "go! Don't let me hold you back," he repeated, smiling.

"I'd like to see you try," you replied with newfound courage, going up towards the guy.

Sam nudged Bucky to get his attention, pointing to you and the guy you were walking towards. "Suck it Barnes!" he said over the music and Bucky frowned a little but shrugged eventually.

"Week's not over yet!" he replied, going back to dancing with some girl or another.

Meanwhile, you were talking to the guy, whose name you learned was Josh, which really should've been a sign, because after a while he asked, "Wanna get out of here?"

And obviously, you said no, the whole "not sleeping around" thing even more prominent in your mind as you were out with the people you worked with, and oh my god what would they think?

"C'mon baby, don't be like that," he growled, grabbing tighter onto your hips. You broke free of his grip, grimacing.

"I said no, have a great night," you said through your teeth, turning to walk away.

"It won’t be great without you," he said, gripping onto your wrist to stop you. He stepped closer, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. "Stop teasing and let's get outta here, alright?"

"No," you said, fighting to keep your cool.

"Bitch," he spat out, tightening his grip on your arm. "Leading me on like that is such a fucking—"

You couldn't believe what your ears were hearing. "Excuse me?" you said, your anger showing now, "I dance with you for twenty minutes and you think you're entitled to something?"

Your words shocked him enough to let go of you and you huffed, turning around and walking back to your table, ordering a drink on your way there. You plopped down in a seat that was coincidently next to one very handsome captain.

A little confession time – you had always kind of had a crush on this man. He seemed like he cared about saving the world, which, you know, is great considering his profession. But it was more than that, he seemed like he would care about the people he loved more than anything. Well, that was just a guess, you didn't really know the guy.

Who are you kidding, there was only one thing you definitively knew about him – he was super hot. Mega hot. Like, a make-you-stop-dead-in-your-tracks-and-gape kinda hot. With these broad shoulders, baby blue eyes, bulging muscles and America's Ass, it would be outright crazy to think he wasn't. And well, you were a lot of things, but crazy wasn't one of them. Also, not blind.

As you were sitting there, contemplating whether to say anything, you saw a pretty brunette come up to your table, putting her palms on the table and leaning down in a way that made her cleavage show very prominently. You weren't gonna lie, it was a very impressive cleavage. But Steve seemed almost unfazed, only lifting his eyes and focusing on her after a couple of seconds, when he realized she didn't leave.

For a man with super… everything, that's a pretty high response time.

"Hey," the girl said, clearly at Steve, "my friends ditched," she pouted slightly, accentuating her bold red bottom lip. "So I was wondering if you’d like to keep me company instead," she bit her lip slightly and smiled.

At that Steve suddenly broke from his reverie, patting the place beside him. You were just about ready to leave the two alone to do their thing, but then you heard what Steve told her.

"What's your name?" he asked, tilting his head a bit.

"Kendra," she said, leaning in towards him.

"Why'd your friends ditch you, Kendra?" he asked. The weird thing was, it seemed to you like he was actually concerned.

"It doesn't matter," she said, "because now I have you," she rested her hand on his bicep and smiled once more, leaning towards him even more. At this point, if she leaned any further, you were pretty sure her boobs were going to end up in his face.

Steve was seemingly unaffected. "Oh come on," he smiled a little sadly, "I'm sure that's not a great feeling to have. You can tell me, it's okay."

Kendra looked puzzled for a moment before Steve put his palm on her knee. She seemed reassured. You, on the other hand, were not. What the fuck kinda weird move is that?

"Well, I guess they just went home while I was in the bathroom or something," she shrugged, frowning a little.

"They probably aren't that good of friends if they just forget you here like that. I'm sorry," Steve said sympathetically.

"They didn't forget me," Kendra said, smiling, "they just…" she trailed off, thinking it over and then letting out a bitter chuckle. "Well, forgot me," she told Steve. "I guess I didn't see it that way, but I should probably find some better friends, right? I mean, this isn't the first time they do this, and – I'm sorry, you probably don't want to hear this right now," she smiled apologetically.

"It's okay," Steve insisted, "I do wanna hear you," he smiled.

After hesitating for a few seconds, Kendra continued. "Well, they always forget to invite me to stuff, or maybe they intentionally don't, I don't know anymore. And there's just that feeling about it like when they pick groups for PE and you're the last one to be chosen," she sighs, smiling bitterly. "Whenever I'm with them it feels like they don't want me there. But I'm probably just being paranoid, right?"

"My opinion? It doesn't matter," Steve answers. "Even if they only make you feel like this and aren't really thinking that, they're still not great friends," he suggested.

"I guess you're right," Kendra said, her face falling a little at the prospect.

After a bit, Steve talked once more. "So, you wanna go dance?" he asked, a hopeful smile creeping onto his face.

"Actually, I think I'd rather go home, but thanks for everything," Kendra said. She hugged Steve and left, his smile reduced to a sigh and a clenched jaw.

All the while, you sat there, internally battling whether you should go or stay, but the conversation was just too interesting for you to pass on. Eventually, you spoke up, feeling bad for him yet still confused about… whatever that was.

"I'm sure a hundred girls come up to you whenever you go out in public, so, you know, she isn't the only one out there," you said, seeing as he still looked down.

He looked up at you, startled by your words. "You were here the entire time?" he asked, his eyes narrowing. You nodded and averted your eyes away from his, realizing how bad that sounded. "It's fine," he chuckled, making you look back at him. "But she wasn't the first one that walked away like this, and she's probably not gonna be the last," he sighed.

"Hey, if it makes you feel any better, we all have bad luck sometimes. That's just human."

"You sound like you're talking from experience," he chuckled.

You huffed. "No shit."

Steve chuckled. "I'm Steve," he introduced himself.

"I know," you said with a smile and told him your name in return, introducing yourself.

"So, humor me – you really think a guy like me could find someone, huh?" Steve asked.

"Of course you can, you're Captain America! If you put your mind to it a little, girls are gonna be lining up left and right. In fact, I'm sure they already are," you said.

"Ah, see, that's the problem – what you just unfortunately witnessed was me making an effort, and you saw how well that ended," Steve said, smiling bitterly.

"C'mon, that's…" you trailed off and Steve raised his eyebrows at you, a small smile on his face.

"Look, I can’t tell you that was the best flirting game I've seen, but it's impressive anyways," you smiled. "That girl just confessed to you about a major problem she has, not any guy can do that. No guy is ever interested," you added under your breath.

Super-soldier hearing and all, Steve still caught that. "What do you mean no guy is ever interested? That's just basic manners."

"Well, I hate to break it to you America's sweetheart, but most guys don't really care about basic decency, let alone if it's to girls they meet in clubs. They get their fair share of R-rated fun and that's it. And yes, that is from experience," you added before he could ask.

Steve frowned. "Then that's what you're used to? Guys who don't care?"

"I guess so," you said, raising your eyebrows as if to indicate there's nothing that can be done about it.

"That sucks," he said, resting his arm on yours.

"Wait a second," you suddenly said, "is this your super-power or something?"

"What?" Steve asked, confused.

"Do you have like, a mojo or something? Why would I have just told you that?" you smiled.

Steve just looked at you, waiting for you to explain further.

"Okay, I don't mean that seriously, but look – that girl Kendra just told you about her issues, and so did I. I'm just saying, not everyone can get that kind of… emotional connection. People trust you, Steve. Sometimes I wish I had that kind of ability," you said, genuinely surprised at the amount of things you just shared with him, and how effortless it was to open up to him.

"I guess that's one way to look at it," Steve said, giving you a small smile, "but sometimes I wish I knew how to flirt. You can't always get what you want," he shrugged.

"Maybe in this case you can, you're not a lost cause yet," you smirked.

"Why, would you suggest giving me lessons in flirting?" Steve chuckled.

"Why not? Flirting 101 – if I were trying to flirt with you right now, you know what I'd say? Ask me the same question."

"Why, would you suggest giving me lessons in flirting?" Steve rolled his eyes, indicating for you to continue.

"If it means I can see you one on one again, sure," you said, winking, and Steve and you burst into laughter.

"Okay, that was a good one," Steve said once your laughter died down.

You both went to get more drinks, talking a little more about less serious stuff for now. "To better luck," you said, smiling at Steve, and you clinked your glasses together.

On the dance floor, Bucky was smirking at Sam, who was staring at him, unimpressed.

"Shut up," Sam said.

"I never said anything!" Bucky said and raised his hands up in mock surrender. "I'm just saying, ten bucks isn't that much money, buddy. Cheer up," he slapped his palm on Sam's shoulder.

"Relax, Barnes, it hasn't been a week yet. Don't jump the gun."

"Oh, you know I like guns, but I don't like them that much. C'mon, don't take this too seriously."

"If I have to hand out my money, I'd just hate to waste it on you," Sam chuckled.

"Whatever," Bucky rolled his eyes. "Honestly, we should just be happy for Steve."

"I'm sensing there's a but there."

"But it's way more fun to watch him get repeatedly friendzoned," Bucky chuckled and so did Sam.

From across the bar, Steve and you were still talking, exchanging stories about failed dates and successful ones. That night, neither of you thought about each other as potentially more than friends, not in the moment anyway. It was easy, simple. You were friends, nothing more. Right?

Taglist:  @horny-nd-bored​ @shannon124 @perfectlyharolds​ @wintersoldierslut​ @iceebabies​  @sleepingpapermouse @steverogerswasalwaysworthy @holtzkinnon @angelicl-y @stydia-4-ever @thatoneperson5000 @fangirlfree​ @kaitcordx25 @bequeening​ @steve-barry-damon-logan​ @itscrazycherryblossomcollection​ @hollandxmarvel​ @stargazingfangirl18 @readsreblogsfics @onetwo3000 @beritmetal @harrystylesholland@jazbot2000

Cycle Taglist: @dee-vn @alex747

if you wanna join / be removed from these taglists, comment/message me! much love <3

[twoidiotwriters1]

Starcrossed Losers XVIII (Josh Wheeler xReader)

A/N: You should all go listen to “The only podcast left” if you haven’t cause honestly you’re missing out. Also for reasons I like to call: Daybreak was really vague with how many days went by during the events. I’ll just do whatever I want and you won’t even notice the difference.

Words: 2,353

Warnings: None!

Previous chapter // Next chapter

Alex doesn’t ask questions and doesn’t try to stop me. I supposed he gets what’s going through my head, after all, he’s the only person after my sister who actually knew me.

It takes us about forty minutes to pack our things and leave.

Please do not think I’m a piece of shit, I do care about those kids. I do feel like shit for leaving them like this, but seeing how things are, they’ll be safer without me. I can’t risk another group of kids being taken just cause Maya is out for blood.

I’m not leaving them without help, I left my notebook behind, it’s on the pharmacy’s counter, ready to be used. We also left the spare weapons, turns out Alex still had his gun, and I have Katie.

It’s been two hours and we have no idea where we’re going, but we know it’ll take us a while to get there.

Oh! I almost forgot to tell you. You know how I said I don’t know shit about tribes? Well, today I found another one.

The AV club.

They’re nice and they have a podcast where they talk about Glendale. Or themselves. To be honest, it’s mostly about themselves but I mean, they have the right to do whatever they want.

I found their podcast on Spotify, can you believe that shit still works? I know, surreal as shit.

Anyway, on their most recent episode -most recent for me, I don’t know exactly when are you reading this- Wesley was their special guest.

I guess he didn’t waste his time, huh.

I love Wesley speeches, I always have. Even when we were in Highschool and he was a dick, I must admit he was pretty good with those.

“We’re cowards,” I hear him say, “we don’t speak out heart, now we hang on to hurt...” How the fuck can he do that? I hate that he’s so good, “I did that with Josh and I got exiled. I did it with Turbo and he threatened to kill Josh and all the kids at the mall! I was a coward.”

I am not a coward.

No, see, the thing is that I’m very good at picking my battles, and there’s no way in hell I would ever win over Sam Dean. I won’t admit it for a long time, but I still like Josh. Pretty much. So instead of staying on this toxic as fuck environment and face public humiliation, I think it’s time to start over again, it was nice while it lasted, best two weeks of my summer, I’m done now.

“Well, not anymore. I have to confront Turbo, it’s the only way. Because if we don’t, we’ll just be... asexual virgins- which, you can be! If you want, no judgement, but I’m guessing... you don’t.”

Yeah I... I don’t have a way to explain what he just said, you just... have to listen to the podcast, I guess.

“No one wants to be exiled, no one wants to be alone, right?”

Oh, fuck off, Wesley. Fuck off.

I take off my earphones and angrily stuffed them back in my pocket.

“Is everything alright?” Alex asks beside me.

“I got tired of listening to music, that’s all,” I lie.

“Okay,” He sighs, then he pulls out Maya’s old map of Glendale, “well, most of the area surrounding the school is jock territory, the pretty side with the mansions is fucked, downtown is packed with Ghoulies... Y/N I don’t want to sound depressing, but I don’t think we have anywhere to go.”

“I’m aware of that,” I take the map, examining our options for the third time that day, “we could go to your place?”

“Why don’t we go to your place?”

“My place is fucked”

“Only the garage is fucked, but what about the second floor?”

“I don’t know,” I try to find exactly where we are, “I guess that we can get there before eight”

Half-way to my place, my nerves take a tool on me.

“Do you think I’m a coward?”

“Are you seriously asking this now?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“No, I don’t think you’re a coward just cause you left the mall. I do think it was a dick move to leave without saying anything to the kids though, what are they gonna do now?”

“KJ is a good leader, I’m sure they’ll be fine.”

“KJ is tricky and she won’t last long, as soon as she feels threatened she’ll flee the scene.”

“Listen, I’m not going back, okay? I’ve had enough of all that senseless drama, I have better things to do, like surviving.”

“We were surviving, dumbass. You just want to mix survival with love life and call it a failure altogether so you don’t feel guilty about leaving.”

“Maybe,” I shrug, “either way you could’ve stayed, I didn’t force you.”

“You threw a backpack at my face,” He huffs, “and you’re my best friend, of course I wasn’t going to just let you go after months of not being together.”

“Well then don’t complain,” I insist, “we left the mall and we’re moving. Today we’ll stay at my place, but as soon as the sun comes out we’ll get out of the city. I know the world is a shitty place now, but at least I will get to see a different kind of shitty every day until we find a nice city to settle.”

“Oh, shut up.”

Alex skates faster, leaving me behind. I rush over to reach his side, losing my patience.

“If something is annoying you, just spit it out! You said it before, we better talk things out before they blow up in our face-”

“You’re difficult, Y/N!” He says in exasperation, “Yesterday you loved the mall, you were their healer. Now you don’t want to see it again cause some stupid kids frighten you. And yes, they terrify you, don’t pretend they don’t.”

“Josh is no monster, I’m not afraid-”

“S’not that kind of fear,” He interrupts me, “his feelings intimidate you cause you think you are bound to fail, you keep saying how he wasn’t on your radar when we were in school but I remember the week after you did the school project with Wheeler... You spent every free period taking any opportunity to pass close to his usual hanging spots, you acted like it wasn’t about him, but I knew.”

Shit.

I was planning on telling you guys.

Alright, let’s make things clear, okay? I wasn’t in love with Josh.

Not entirely.

Did I think he was funny and caring? Yes. Did I think he was cute and nice? Also yes. Did I ever daydream about Josh and I suddenly having another group project in our hands that unexpectedly turned into a love story and after a few days we were the cutest couple in school?

Only once.

My point is, don’t even think for a second that the things that happened after the nuke dropped were on purpose. They weren’t, I wasn’t following Josh I swear! I was looking for a place to stay, our encounter and Josh having the answer to my problem were mere coincidence.

Again, I’m not saying this to wash my hands, but stories like this are often created for the readers’ amusement. Of course there would be drama, of course I decided to keep some things to myself. To be fair I didn’t know you! Why would talk with a stranger about my love life?

Anyway, that’s all unimportant now, Josh proved already that he is not ready to start something new.

And I don’t beg.

“And Sam Dean? You don’t want to admit it but I can tell she scares the shit out of you. I don’t know if it’s her social skills or simply because you think she’s prettier than you, I just know you’re gonna do everything in your hands to avoid confrontation with the only girl that can make you pee your pants”

“This is sort of unfair on me right now, not gonna lie,” I scoff.

“I’m only trying to open your eyes,” He shrugs, but I’m no longer listening, “just like you were trying to do with Josh a few hours ago, remember? Trying to convince him that what he was doing was wrong?... Y/N?”

I stop moving a few feet behind, I saw something messily written on the wall of a convenience store and my heart skipped a beat. I slide closer and touch the red letters with adoration.

“I am here...” Alex squints, “you know what’s that about?”

“I know is Josh’s handwriting,” I mumble, “must be from the time he was alone when he was looking for Sam.”

“He wrote her notes all over the city?”

“He told me he used to leave messages like this on places near his house, hoping that Sam would see them,” I look at him with teary eyes, “Look at this! He wrote this everywhere, he looked for her just to apologize in hopes that she would take him back. Six months, Al. I’ve been in his life for two weeks. It’s just like you and Stuart, I know that if I ask, he’s not gonna say my name.”

He looks at the sentence for a few seconds and then shakes his head, turning to face me.

“How many life-changing situations Josh and Sam could’ve possibly been through during their time together?”

“I mean, she was there when Josh got the call about his dad,” I reply, skating away from the store.

“Yeah, look how that turned out,” He moves along, pulling the strap of his backpack.

“She was the first person to welcome him to school?”

“You were the first person to help him get a better grade”

“Sam was his first time.”

“Does it look like I’m still obsessed with my first time?”

“You’re not like Josh.”

“You’re not Sam,” He retorts, “You and Josh really were something else, he knows it, and you know it. But you already decided to give up.”

“I decided I don’t live in a fairytale,” I scoff, “and I won’t allow him to treat me however he wants just cause he’s a tad angry. Let’s just...”

I don’t finish my sentence and keep walking, lost in my thoughts.

Alex and I walk for another fifteen minutes until we reach the school, I’m about to tell him to hurry up in case there are people watching when I come into a halt.

“What-?”

“Shhh!” I push him behind a tree, “Who are they carrying?”

Alex squints his eyes, standing on his tiptoes.

“Is that..?”

“It’s Turbo”

We jump in our place and Alex pulls out his gun, pointing to the stranger... that is no stranger. It’s Eli.

“Why are you always lurking around everywhere I go?” I ask in exasperation.

“The real question is why aren’t you with your boyfriend Josh?” He sneers, “Thought you would be feasting on my food at this point”

“For what kind of sick dictator do you take me for? I didn’t get to decide on your exile, Josh did that on his own. I left the mall soon after”

“Why would you do that, are you stupid?” Eli replies, “You left? The mall is literal heaven, and now that Baron Triumph took over the school-”

“What?”

“He convinced some kids to get him out of the cereal factory and now he dethroned Turbo.”

“Now what?” Alex inquires, “What is he going to do?”

“Nothing good,” Eli shrugs, then he glares at me, pointing a single finger to my chest, “but you’re gonna help me get the mall back. We’ll kick Josh and the rest of the little rats out first thing tomorrow.”

“And how exactly are you going to force me to do that?”

“I don’t have to. If you’re here it’s cause you probably realized that Josh has gone mad and you know this is just for the best.”

Alex and I consider it for a second. Eli is annoyingly right, Josh is out of control and having an identity crisis that won’t help the kids in the mall, but Eli is no leader, he’ll kick everyone out as soon as he touches the front door, so I can’t help him either.

“I think we’ll pass.”

“You’re making a mistake,” Eli warns us, “you’ll die out here and you know it!”

“Better die than to be a bad guy like you.”

“Bad guy?” He asks in outrage, “All my life I had to work and earn my stuff cause mom couldn’t afford it. I was bullied because of it. The mall was the one thing I had that they didn’t and you took it away from me just cause it was one against five, and I’m the bad guy?”

I don’t have an excuse for that, I can’t and I don’t want to fight back. He’s right, he should be living in that mall, Josh had no right to exile him, nor anyone for that matter, none of us has. If I hadn’t exiled Maya maybe things would be different too.

“Come with us.”

“What?”

“Stay the night with me and Alex, we’re going to my place,” I explain to him, handing him the map, “we’ll be safe there, considering we have no idea of what will Triumph do next. We have enough food. Tomorrow we’ll decide if we help you or not, What do you say?”

“How do I know this is not a trap?”

“Do we look like murderer traitors?” Alex rolls his eyes.

“Besides, I still have a sprained wrist. I can’t do much. I mean Alex does have a gun but-”

“Y/N are you sure about this?” Alex asks me, glancing at Eli with distrust, “not to be rude or anything, but Eli is not the ideal companion.”

“Just like us,” I sigh, “Eli?”

He evaluates us carefully, examining our weapons from a distance. Finally, he gives a short nod.

“A night won’t hurt”

“That’s what I said when I met Josh. Look where it got me...”

Taglist.

@letsbloodmagic @slythermyg @loving-u-3000​

[chrsitophwaltz]

MICKEY MEETS FC BAYERN (PART 3/4)

for the entire houston clownery experience click here

psa: excuse my face and the pic qualities. up until this happened i haven’t really taken pictures of myself (less than 10 in the past two years for family and work purposes and NEVER selfies) and when you meet people you’ve only seen on TV in a very unexpected circumstance, then don’t expect your brain and motor functions to work 100%.

just an addition that i forgot to add in the last two parts: i didn’t get his pic or anything, but seeing Witch Doctor™ müller-wohlfahrt in person was insane. if you watch netflix’s dark season 2, and see 1986 ulrich nielsen, THAT’S WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE SDHBMFSDMNBFNMB

anyway, so i uber-ed to the mall. thank god it was only 5 minutes or so away from the hotel since i was really desperate to get a wristband for adidas. the t-mobile meet with josh and sven didn’t require wristbands, but there was gonna be a line and time’s limited and they might (and they did) cut it off at some point. thankfully, the mall just opened (ish) and i got wristband #53 for adidas. score! i also confirmed thrice with the guy that as long as i have the wristband i can get in. nice!

after getting the wristband, i went up to get in line for t-mobile. thankfully, i was within the first 5 or so people so i can do both meet-and-greets!

multi-tasking! you love to hear it!

i met up with @simplyirenic​ and a guy named nick who we met at the hotel reception a few days before and chatted to pass the time. finally it was around 1:30 to 2pm and the mall was packed with bayern fans. it was sad to see people, especially little kids, trying to line up for adidas but had to be turned away since the wristbands ran out already.

after a few line games and waves with the t-mobile people, we finally got inside the store to start the meet. while i was waiting my turn and praying that my phone doesn’t die (i only had 8% battery life left at that point), i saw richie (one of bayern’s media guys) and some guy named greg (thought he was with bayern at first, but now i’m not sure) and told them my ulterior motive for the t-mobile thing. they understood and saw that i was about to pass out from fear and anxiety and told me they’d include the footage in the final video. they weren’t kidding sbfdsnmfbmfbdsmfdb (got a gif of it here)

so. it was finally my turn and sven hasn’t looked up yet since he was signing more cards and chatting with josh. i creeped up behind them and said “hallo!” josh was so cute and perky and said “hallo!” back. sven looked like he didn’t recognize me (thank god) but i just couldn’t let it pass so as we were having our pics taken, i put my hand on his back and mumbled (while trying to smile for the cameras): “hey, i don’t know if you remembered in the hotel earlier, but i’m really sorry. i meant to take a picture with you AND leon. sorry!” i don’t know if he remembered it at all or was just being nice, but all the same he said “no, it’s okay!”

i didn’t care. BLESS HIM! my day is saved! so we said cheese one last time before i left.

extra notes: i also wanted to tell him that his red card was BS but didn;t have time for that lmao. also josh is such an angel and his hair was so fluffy and blonde i wanted to die ;__;

i said goodbye to richie and greg and waited for nick (he also had a wristband) and we went down to get in line for adidas. while lined up i met more bayern fans (hello @zomgannalolz​​ and @alex-bregman​​!). fangirled with them for a bit (and showed them my niko ass videos from the night before sdjnhdnfbdn) and finally we were in! from afar, i could only see manu bc he was standing up (benji and thomas were sitting down) and he was wearing his bright watermelon keeper kit. finally my turn came and said hi to benji again. he signed my shirt (again; he already signed it at the hotel reception) and we took pics (again). SERVUS BENJI!

next up was manu (again)!

me: hi manu, it’s me again

manu: oh hello! the hotel right?

me: *dying that he recognized me and thinking about that near-knockout experience* yessssss

he signed my shirt (again lmao) and we posed for pics. he was so. freaking. tall. i put my arm around him and half my brain was floating and making observations:

1. wrow. he tall. as h e l l.

2. the keeper jersey has a different feel than the normal outfield player jersey. hmmm (scratchier and more... cellophane-y....?)

3. my face is literally pressed up against his right boob. n o i c e

4. my left arm is around his waist. i can feel nice ridges. holy shit. SI D E A BS !!!!!! *scream*

yeah, it was an out-of-body-experience. i also nearly forgot to take his autograph card but he subtly inserted it into my hand as i was leaving. I LUFF U MANU!!!!

it’s probably poetic that my meet-and-greet ended with thomas. he’s my favorite player and i have his jersey. first time he signed it it only had 4 other signatures (at the hotel reception), and the second time was earlier that day at the hotel (with him eating a huge ass banana). i came up to him and he was like “hey!” HE RECOGNIZED ME I JUST----

anyway, i tried to keep it cool and said “yeah it’s me again from the hotel lmao” and he was like “so do you want a third signature?” (he saw he already had two sigs in the jersey). i didn’t care and said “if you want to! i don’t mind!”he reviewed it and quietly said “wow” when he saw my almost-full bayern haul (my jersey was full of autographs by then) and said “let’s just put it up, yes?”

he wanted to put up my müller jersey! thomas freakin’ müller himself wanted to show my jersey! tbh it was a great idea lmao so i said “cool! okay!”

i was literally the happiest binch in the world!!!!!! I LOVE HIM!!!! keep deuter-ing that raum, Raumdeuter!!!!!!!

in the end, with the exception of david (i’m sad, i really wanted pics with alabae), phonzie (saw him a couple times, but never got to him), renato (i always miss him for some reason!!!!), and c*man (i don’t really want anything from him anyway, except maybe goals, so doesn’t really count lmao), plus the other bayern kids, i got everyone!!!!!!

BEST. DAY. EVER. from despairing literally just the night before about wasting my one day extension, to unexpectedly getting more than i bargained for-- the ULTIMATE mega fan experience-- it was just insane. they’re all really nice and accommodating too! that’s how i know i support the best club ever (even if they’re such clowns sometimes but oh well lmao)

now, one last part to go. the actual best (and WORST) part of everything. if you’ve followed me for more than an hour then i don’t need to explain to you just how much i needed to get just ONE CRUMB of niko fucking kovac. and boy oh boy did i get a lil bit more than that......👀

[sitkowskiryan]

secret keepers. trois.

okay! i have finally made decided on a posting schedule and it will be tuesday and thursday like how it was with kinktober for a hot minute!

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

No matter how much he loved his job, the blaring of the alarm still caused Tyler to roll over with a groan, glaring at the offending object. Half-heartedly reaching over to slam his hand down on it, Tyler pushed himself out of the bed and scratched absentmindedly at his chest as he walked into the bathroom to do his morning route. It was the first day of school after all and even though he would mostly likely be covered in paint later, he wanted to look nice for the parents.

Getting dressed in a simple black sleeveless shirt with matching jeans, Tyler decided to throw his floral kimono over it for some color and paired it with his floral vans. Who said boys couldn't wear floral patterns? Tyler snatched his phone up and quickly snapped a picture of himself.

Darling: Do you think the children will think I'm friendly?

He quickly texted Josh, not at all concerned about not saying good morning and all those little things that newer couples do as if to prove their relationship. Josh wouldn't be up until at least nine and Tyler had to be at work by seven. Speaking of, he had to leave soon or he would be late to meeting the parents.

Tyler scrambled down the stairs and gathered his things quickly, making sure to actually grab his lunch. Josh got upset when Tyler forgot to ate and the other teachers were picking up on it. Tyler honestly wouldn't be surprised if Josh somehow told his co-workers to look after him. It was unlikely considering Tyler had never shared which school he worked at. His face scrunched up in confusion when he felt his backside vibrate and pulled his phone out.

Sugar: The friendliest beautiful <3

Sugar: also thanks for the good morning you romantic

Why was Josh up this early? Tyler didn't worry about it too much, quickly bouncing out of the house with an apple in tow and into his car.

Darling: I aim to please with my grand romantic gestures, I'll ttyl about to drive! <3

Tyler spent the twenty minutes it took him to get to work, humming happily to whatever pop song was on the radio and bopping his head. He was a tad nervous, but after five years of this, he was a bit calmer. He really hoped none of the kids started crying or have an accident. It was horrible to see them get embarrassed the first day. Luckily that was why their parents sat in for the first half of the day, to help their child get acclimated in a new environment.

Tyler checked his phone as he walked into the building, grinning at the message awaiting him.

Sugar:

Sugar: I don't like being up this early

Darling: You look so adorable dude! <3

Darling: Why are you up this early anyways?

Tyler made his way to his classroom, bustling around excited for the new children. They would all be filing into their classroom in ten minutes and Tyler was ready to teach again. He paused his fretting when he felt his phone buzz and he glanced down at it.

Sugar: Hales needed my help with something

Darling: Well hopefully you can get back to sleep soon, I'll talk to you later honey, gotta teach the next Einsteins!

Sugar: Have fun honey! Skype me later and tell me all about it <3

Tyler grinned happily, placing his phone into his desk so it would not disturb him during class and continued to arrange his tables for the first activity. He glanced up as the first parent wandered in, a red haired boy hiding slightly behind their legs. Tyler beamed brightly and stood up straight to greet the parents.

"I'm Tyler Joseph, but please call me Mr. Joseph! Welcome to my classroom!"

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

"Ashley Brooks?" Tyler called out, smiling when a little blonde girl raised her hand instantly. He continued out down the list, checking off each of the kids as they popped up.

"Olivia Dun?" Tyler looked up from his roster, looking for a little hand or voice so he could put a face to a name. Also so he could match a parent to their child for future purposes. A small hand raised in the air shyly, the brunet girl not looking up from the table. Tyler furrowed his eyebrows, she didn't have anyone with her. Tyler had asked all the parents to stay for the first half of the day. Even the more stricter parents were here, texting away on their phone of course, but they were still here.

"Thank you love," he smiled sadly, watching the girl lower her hand. She was even sitting all alone. Tyler wanted nothing more than to go over and cuddle her, but he had to remind himself that many parents would not take kindly to that. Tyler finished roll call and then went on to beginning the first activity. Once the kids and their parents were involved in the coloring activity, he made his way to Olivia and sat next to the shy girl.

"Where's your mommy?" He asked gently, not wanting to draw attention to them. The other parents had already begun to glance at the young girl in pity and Tyler could see that it was starting to upset the girl. Olivia shrugged her shoulders at Tyler question, causing the older man faint distress. He had been told that she had parents, at least a father. He never did see a mother relative! Stupid Tyler! "What about your daddy?" He asked, nudging her gently to get her attention. She was absentmindedly drawing on the paper in front of her.

"Had to work, my auntie Hayley dropped me off," Tyler nodded his head, biting his lip slightly at the name Hayley. Josh was friends with a Hayley, but Josh didn't have a child... at least to Tyler's knowledge. Tyler nudged the girl once more and let a smile slip on his face.

"In that case, would you like to be my helper? After all, I'm supposed to draw my favorite thing and I need help drawing a pizza," he grinned as she perked up at the helper position and started to show him how to draw a pizza. He let the toddler guide him through the choppy circles of his pepperoni pizza, the best according to the brunette. Tyler loved seeing his student's eyes light up. It was way better than the close to tears one she had with the parents staring at her.

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

"Crap," Tyler whispered to himself, realizing that he forgot his lunch at home once more. Josh was gonna come through the phone and beat his backside red. Well actually... No! There was no way he can think this in a class full of toddlers and their parents. Tyler wrapped his arms briefly around his stomach, watching the children eat their little packed lunches. Olivia still sat by herself, making Tyler's heart clench in despair. The first day was supposed to be when you made your friends and it looked like Olivia was having a tough time.

Ignoring his hunger, Tyler made his rounds around the room, making sure the pay equal attention to the students before he focused on Olivia.

"I like your lunch box," he commented, smiling at the alien lunch box. Josh would love it. Olivia beamed up at him, grinning at him with a toothless smile. She was such a sweetheart. Why the others didn't want to be her friend, he would never guess.

"My daddy likes aliens and I do too!" She explained to him, fumbling with the zipper before Tyler reached forward to aid her. His heart swelled seeing the little note inside that her father much have written her. It was a little flower post-it note and had a messy, yet readable 'Have a good day, petal! Daddy loves you!' written on it. Whoever her father was, Tyler approved. Tyler went to continue helping her with her lunch when his stomach let out a loud grumble and he blushed when one of the parents snickered at him.

"Here!" Olivia offered, holding up half of her peanut butter sandwich towards Tyler. He tried to shake his head, but the small girl practically refused to pull the sandwich away, even going as far as too smash it into his jaw when he tried to turn his face away. He laughed and took the half from her so she would stop slamming it into his face. The two shared the rest of Olivia's lunch, the young girl going on about how her daddy said that eating lunch was important. Tyler decided that he liked Mr. Dun more and more, even if he left his daughter to fend for herself on the first day of school.

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

At nap time, Tyler decided to text Josh what was going on.

Darling: So I forgot my lunch and one of my students offered me half of hers and I'm honestly trying not to cry, she is so sweet!

Sugar: you stole a little girl's lunch? Shame on you Tyler!

Tyler rolled his eyes and stifled his laughter.

Darling: You'd steal twenty lunches if I told you I was hungry, don't even play boi

Sugar: you caught me, hey you wanna see our new color?

Darling: of course honey! Lemme see!

Sugar:

Darling: Ahhhh jeeez boi, look at you go <3

Sugar: I know I look good, but don't scare the children now, baby boy

Darling: I won't, promise daddy

Tyler let out a soft snort before he placed his phone back and got ready for the other half of the day. He couldn't wait to go home and talk to his boyfriend. Talking to Josh always made his day twenty times better.

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

At the end of the day, Tyler regrettably let his students leave with their parents, introducing himself once more for the ones that forgot or the parents that couldn't make it earlier. He must have missed Olivia's guardian earlier. Speaking of the little girl, she was the only one left. She was standing near her cubby, clutching the alien lunch box in her hands. He could see tears forming in her eyes.

"Hey Olivia, I just wanna say that you did a really good job today," he praised, hoping it would help take her mind off what was making her want to cry. He had a feeling it was the fact that whoever was supposed to get her, still wasn't here yet. He took her hand gently and led her over to the huge carpet in the middle of the floor and grabbed some blocks out for them to play. "Who is picking you up? Your aunt?" He questioned gently, not wanting to set her off. He always felt uncomfortable when children started to cry because most parents did not take kindly to him trying to coddle their children unless they had gotten hurt.

"Daddy, he's always late," she mumbled, not looking up from the little tower she was building. Tyler half-heartedly helped her with the tower, his like for Mr. Dun going down significantly with each minute that passed. After another ten minutes, Tyler was about to go pull her emergency contact list when he heard his door being yanked open. He had been facing away from the door, but Olivia apparently knew who entered by the look on her face.

"Daddy!" "Petal!" Tyler knew that voice. He froze slightly, slowly turning on his heel. The first thing he noticed was pink hair. No way.

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

Word count: 1,926

I hope you liked this chapter! Let me know what you think! Next chapter will be posted on thursday and will be from Josh's point of view!

Until then, stay alive sunshines <3

- courtney

[chocolatemillkk]

Keeping Secrets II(CM)

A/N: So I had a couple requests for Keeping Secrets part deux and I was initially going to say no but thennnn I thought why not 🤷🏻‍♀️. No one likes sad endings anyway 💙

The thing about Conor, the thing that was my favourite thing about him and the thing that made it the hardest to be with him was this: he felt things deeply. It took me a while after meeting him that he hid behind being funny as it was his way of coping. But every emotion he felt, he felt strongly.

When he was happy, he was ecstatic. When he was sad, it was easy for him to get borderline depressive. When he was stressed, it would consume him. And when he was angry, he would be furious. This is the first time I felt Conor being sad and angry at me and I knew somewhere out there, Conor was feeling it deeply and not telling a single person about it. Because that was the thing about him too-you had to pull the emotions out of him like a stubborn tooth at the dentist.

It was three weeks since the news leaked and he hadn't come home. Not when I was there. I noticed a few of his clothes and belongings were gone, probably taken when he knew I was out. I felt like a plastic version of myself those three weeks-numb, hollow, and feeling like a fake. I couldn't believe I left the truth of what happened between Jack and I as a secret. Conor was right, if I explained it to him it wouldn't have gotten this bad. It wouldn't have gotten leaked for him to find out.

And the leak. I went over and over that in my head. I told one person about my one night-my sister-but I was so sure she didn't tell.

I wake up on Monday and check my phone just in case Conor's decided to break his silent pact and finally talk to me. But the last message was sent from me last week and there is nothing new. I burrow back in bed and try to fall back asleep even though it was late.

When my phone rings I snatch it and pick it up

"Hello?" I say eagerly.

"Hey babe," comes my sister's voice. She was on vacation the last few weeks so I'd texted her multiple times to call me when she could. I guess now she finally had. "I think I know why you want to talk."

I couldn't tell if her voice was traced with guilt or pity but my overactive mind pins it to guilt. "You told didn't you?"

"Are you kidding me Y/N? I'm your bloody sister why would I tell?"

"Then why do you sound so guilty?"

"I don't! Jeez! Have you even gotten out of the house since it happened?"

"Of course I had." Meetings and events. "Did you tell anyone?"

"No! Y/N I'm worried about you! Come over to my place this week, you need to leave your flat for a bit. There's too much of Conor there."

His name brings back a flood of emotion. "I'm sorry. I'm just upset and Conor still hasn't talked to me I don't even know where we stand. And you were the only person I told so-"

"Don't you think Jack must've told a big-mouth?"

I feel stupid for not realising that. I was so obsessed with my own side of it I forgot Jack could have been the reason for the leak. Even though he tried calling me and even showed up at the flat, I skipped his calls and pretended I wasn't home.

I talk to my sister a while longer, asking about her vacation, and promising I would visit. Then I finally get out of bed with a purpose: track down Jack and make him hear it.

In front of Jack's door, I don't even bother to collect my breath. My mind was whirring with everything it'd collected the last three weeks of staying in the flat without Conor, without knowing where we stood. I was furious. It's a stretched-out moment before Jack opens and as soon as I see his stupid face everything comes out.

"Who did you tell Jack? Who did you tell about that one night? Because that person went out and betrayed you and everyone you care about for their ten seconds of fame? What-"

"Hold up-wait, Y/N," Jack tries to get me to quiet down but his attempts fall flat. He glances down the hall and pulls me into the flat but that doesn't stop the accusations coming out of me.

"Why did you do it Jack? Because of you Conor won't even talk to me! He won't even respond with a single fucking text! All because we agreed to keep our past a secret and you told the wrong people!"

"I know!" Jack explodes. That quiets me. "I know it was my fault! All of it! I'm the one that told you to keep Conor in the dark and I'm the one who let it slip. I know who went to the papers and I've dealt with-"

"Who?" I demand.

"You don't know them," Jack assures me.

"Well that makes me feel even better," I laugh sarcastically. "I hope you feel great about all that's happened! Because I've been miserable! God, I wish that night never happened!"

"Don't you think I feel the same way?" Jack shouts. "Conor is in a really shitty place right now too-do you think I feel good when I look at him? He barely talks to me too!"

"You see Conor? You know where he is?" I ask. "I texted you asking!"

Jack runs his hand through his hair. "I promised not to tell-"

"The least you could have done was tell me!" I jab him in the chest. "Then at least I could stop worrying if he was okay! You're the most selfish person I know Jack! Now more than ever-"

My sentence dies out when I sense Jack watching over my shoulder at somebody there. It's like my body just knew without turning, like I had some built in sixth sense without even turning around.

"Your girlfriend is crazy," Jack brushes past me and I hear the front door slam shut. I remain with my back to Conor-I knew it was Conor.

"Y/N," he says. His voice sounds tired and hoarse, like he hadn't used it much in a while. And maybe like he was sick. I turn slowly to him. I feel like I'd been looking to this moment for weeks, when I would see Conor and be able to explain myself. But seeing him here-that he'd been here the whole time-infuriates me.

"You were staying with Jack," I say. A simple statement. But also, an accusation.

"For a couple weeks," Conor's gaze remains on my face. It's like he's trying to gauge what I was feeling.

"Why didn't you text me? To tell me you were safe?"

Conor shrugs. "I dunno."

"That's not acceptable Conor." I feel myself falling apart. "It's not okay what I did-that's a whole other issue. But to walk out and go three weeks without even giving me an update? I was worried out of my mind. I didn't know where you were or what state you were in. For all I know you could drank yourself into the side of the road and-"

In two steps Conor's walked up to me and the closeness of him cuts my rant short.

"I'm okay," Conor says. He still has his pokerface on. He doesn't reveal what he was really feeling.

"Well I know that now," I say to him. The closeness made me dizzy. Inhaling him, even though he smelt like he hadn't taken a shower-but being this close was intoxicating. I want to close the gap between us but there was so much to talk about. There was so much still between us even if I closed that physical gap. So I step back and sit on Jack's couch. I lean against the back and close my eyes, gathering my thoughts.

"I'm sorry I didn't let you know," Conor speaks after a moment. "I didn't know if I even wanted to talk to you ever again."

The words run through me like a knife. But they were the truth.

"At first I was angry and then I was just upset. And I was disappointed. I felt fooled and I hated you and my brother."

The words twist the blade but I stay put, watching Conor talk.

"I read through your texts by the way. I found time to process. I finally talked to Jack last weekend. He told me everything and it matched up."

It stings, once again, that he didn't believe my words. That he had to confirm with Jack. Why was Jack letting off so easily?

"I still need some time though. I need to sort through what I want."

"Con," I stand up again to face him. "Nothing's changed with me. I'm still the same Y/N you met. Because when we met, those things had already happened and they were in the past forgotten." This time I step towards Conor and place my hand on arm. "I'm sorry the way these things turned out. I'm sorry for hurting you this much but I love you. I really want you to come home. I need you to come home."

Conor looks down at my hand on his arm and I watch his throat bob up and down as he swallows.

"I can't, not yet." Conor's voice shakes with repressed tears. I feel my own tears spring up.

I move my hand to his face and he looks at me. Every single emotion is etched into his face and I read him like a book. The book tells the story of the last three weeks and the sadness and the pain forces my tears to spill over onto my face. Conor's hand immediately goes up to wipe them away and then catching himself, he steps away.

"You should go," Conor says quietly. I'm frozen in place, unable to process. A moment goes by, then another, and finally my foot takes one step towards the door. I shuffle to it and look back once more at Conor.

"I love you. Please remember that." I tell him.

Conor nods and turns to go back to the bedroom. So I leave, my heart left behind on the living room floor of Jack's flat.

•••

Another week goes by. I visit my sister and stay for a few days, I go out for coffee with a few friends and try to take my mind off Conor. He needed time and I would give him that space. But falling asleep in an empty bed always made it hard to completely forget.

On the Friday of that week, I'm sat at my sister's when my phone rings with Conor's picture.

"Conor," I answer. My heart races.

"Baby," Conor slurs. "Can you get me?"

I get up immediately and my sister gives me a questioning look. "Where are you?"

"I dunno," he sniffles. "I need you."

"Are you hurt?" I ask.

"No more than usual," Conor jokes. At least there was that, I think.

"Stay where you are," I say.

I hang up and explain to my sister who waves me away. I call Jack who tells me Conor was with Josh and Joe. I call Josh who tells me he stayed home and Joe picks up on the third ring. He left Conor with a girl at a bar. My heart drops.

"You left him with a girl?" I ask.

"Uh," Joe realises his confession. "Not like that. At least...I don't think...she asked for a picture it wasn't...."

"Well glad to know Conor has such good friends," I roll my eyes even though Joe can't see. Ignoring Joe's protests I hang up. He left a very drunk Conor with a fan-as if that could end well.

I find the club after driving for fifteen minutes and wait to get inside. I think I see Conor twice but each time it's a random bloke. There's a queue for the toilets so I walk to the green-haired guy standing at the front, I had a feeling.

"The guy who's in there-what does he look like?"

"Mate I don't know," he's also drunk and looking at me like I was wasted. "He looked average?" I glare at him and take a menacing step towards him. "I dunno! Brown hair? White shirt...he kept turning to me to talk about his girlfriend or something I-"

That's all I need to hear. Like I said, sixth sense. Ignoring the angry shouts from the queue I march into the men's toilets and find Conor with his elbows on the sink and his head in his hands.

"Y/N," he looks surprised to see me. "Why are you here?"

"You called me?" I try to reign in the irritation but I can't. He was with a girl. I gave him time but he was with a girl.

"I want to go home," he moans.

"Is Jack at home?" I ask. I doubted Conor kept keys to the flat.

Conor grabs my by the shoulders and slumps over, his forehead on mine. "I want to go home." He urges. Even though his breath was atrocious I understood. He finally wanted to go home.

"Let's go," I wrap my hand around his waist and guide him out.

Conor leans on me for support so it's a slow walk back out and to the car. I shove an empty mcdonald's bag at him in case he had to be sick and start the drive home.

"I love you." Conor slurs in the passenger seat. His head rests against the window but he turns to look at me. "You're the girl I want."

I don't say anything. If Joe was right, it may have taken another girl to realise that.

"Why aren't you talking?" Conor reaches out to brush my hand. "Sorry."

"I'm just concentrating," I lie. He slumps back against the window and we drive in silence.

Getting him into the flat takes another decade and getting him to drink a cup of coffee is a struggle. I give up eventually and tell him we would talk in the morning. He falls asleep on the couch and I sleep on our bed, peaceful because I knew where Conor was, but worried because of the potential incident of that evening.

•••

I wake to the feeling that someone was watching me. When I open my eyes, Conor lays on top of the sheets, his hand hovering over my face.

"Sorry," he says sheepishly.

"S'alright," I take his hand and hold it against me. "You sleep well?"

"For the first time in a while," he admits. He slips his hand out of mine and curls my hair behind my ear.

"I had to call Joe yesterday to find out where you were," I blurt out. "He said he left you with a girl."

Conor sits up and chuckles. "Some fan wanted a picture but I'm sure I looked wasted. I'll probably become a meme or something."

I nod in relief. "So you're home now?" I ask slowly.

"If you want me home...." Conor licks his lips. "I think I-I overreacted but it's because of the way I found out. You were right though, if you had told me earlier it wouldn't have bothered me this much. I still would have felt the same way. I'm sorry for putting you through all that. I just felt betrayed finding out like that. But I know you and Jack would never do something like that to hurt me. I get that now."

I sit up and wrap my arms around Conor. He pulls me into his lap and holds me tight against him. I apologise too, for him finding out that way.

"So I guess I should confess now what went on between your sister and me," Conor mumbles in my ear.

I hit him on the shoulder. "That is not funny!" But h belly-laughs at my reaction and falls back onto the bed, taking me down with him. Tangling limbs and whispering promises of love to one another, we spend the morning softly reconnecting and remembering what we loved most about each other.

[casualarsonist]

Until Dawn review (PS4)

David Cage: Frenchman, Legion of Honour recipient, and a video game visionary, he would consider himself a storyteller first and foremost and ostensibly popularised the ‘interactive drama’ genre with the narrative-heavy ‘Fahrenheit’, ‘Heavy Rain’, and ‘Beyond: Two Souls’. However, as well-known as he is for his artistic vision, his other claim to dubious fame is the fact that his abilities can never quite match his ambition. Make no mistake, Cage is no Peter Molyneux and doesn’t exactly misrepresent his games beyond overstating their importance, but they are as synonymous with their clunky gameplay as they are with powerful drama – an important discord in a genre in which the whole point is to tell a story with depth and resonance that players can immerse themselves in when the technical side of these products works against this very goal. However, a good interactive drama game can, like a good film, stand the test of time as a whole work, even if one of its component parts doesn’t. And this too is important because as players we expect older games to be ungainly and less refined than modern releases, so I suppose that if games like this were to have a flaw, clunky gameplay would be a far better one to have than an unengaging story or poor acting.

And thus we come to 2015’s ‘Until Dawn’ - not a David Cage game (and probably better for it), but one that draws from his work in the genre. A pastiche of teen-horror films, Until Dawn follows eight teenagers – the so-called ‘friends’ of twin sisters Hannah and Beth (Ella Lentini) who vanished into the woods surrounding their father’s isolated cabin after a cruel prank played on them the year before. On the first anniversary of their disappearance, the remaining gang are urged by the twins’ brother Josh (Rami Malek) to return to the cabin, ostensibly to commemorate the lives of the missing sisters with ‘the party of a lifetime’. But not all is what it seems, and on top of the creepy and desolate location, the teens will come face-to-face with everything in the encyclopaedia of horror-tropes but the cursed kitchen sink as they try to make it to dawn the next day.

Until Dawn is, for all intents and purposes, a straight-forward success when it comes to achieving its mission statement, which is to say that it’s a faithful recreation of a tried-and-true horror formula with enough twists and turns to keep you engaged in the unfolding story, characters with enough depth and likability to largely transcend the archetypes within which they are cast, and a conceit that makes the best use of the simplistic gameplay. It is possibly the only game I’ve ever played in which I’ve enjoyed and seen as appropriate the inclusion of QTEs – so long has the mechanic been a refuge for lazy designers that I forgot that testing the players reflexes under threat of permadeath can actually be a tense and thrilling experience. It’s also, despite the shoulders upon which it so clearly stands, a unique enough experience that I find myself thinking about it long after it’s over (which is months ago now). You will find yourself becoming attached to the people you’re playing as along the way, feeling appropriately horrified should they fall prey to the many traps the game has to offer. You may also find yourself despising some of them, at which point the full potential of the genre comes to bear as you coax them into a brutal and cathartic death.

But I suspect that my assessment above will divide an audience that has played this game, for as solid as I feel the core of Until Dawn is it cannot escape the fact that, like the genre of film it tries to emulate, the game is a constant balancing act between engaging the audience and repelling them with silliness. Some may indeed find the characters vapid and hollow and I would understand that, because despite the effort to reinforce the importance of player choice in the unfolding narrative there are plenty of times in which you can feel the game take the reins and steer the characters toward a different path from which you took them simply to manufacture drama and keep the story moving. Likewise, I could understand it if you found the constant sexual innuendo unbearable, or the fact that the characters will simply wander around in their underwear during a Rocky Mountain winter, or that for the entirety of the night not once does anyone seek to turn the fucking lights on.

And while I think it was a wise thing to pair this genre of film with this type of game, it’s simply a fact that a good part of the enjoyment of teen horror comes from laughing at a film’s loose ends and frayed seams. The idea that a group of people should come together to commemorate the presumed death of two of their friends with a fucking party in the exact same location from which they went missing is retarded, as is the idea that anyone would crack a joke mere minutes after seeing a friend get minced in front of them, or that you’d prance around in their undies in an unlit, unheated wooden cabin buried in the deep, dark forest. Teen horror films are ridiculous by nature, the choices their characters make are borderline braindead, and so to attempt to recreate this experience for better and worse whilst simultaneously asking a player to engage and invest in the fate of the people making these dumb-ass decisions is a simply an irreconcilable goal. More than once I found myself groaning in genuine annoyance as characters did and said things that were deeply at odds with the things I had asked them to do and say up until that point, in a transparent effort to artificially extend the playtime. The most infuriating moment came with the only character death I experienced, which occurred not as a direct result of my choices but through an incidental and unpredictable series of events that the game told me related to a decision I had made 10 minutes before – a dialogue choice, to be specific, in which I agreed with another character’s plan of action, a plan that takes place regardless of your response. So the choice that kicked off the series of events that lead to the character’s death wasn’t actually a choice at all, it was simply an inconsequential piece of dialogue that the game decided to make a pivotal moment.

These moments of unfortunate incongruity do occur more than once throughout, although they’re rarely as egregious as this. Other missteps include bizarre, truncated conclusions for a couple of the eight characters, who disappear for almost the entire game with only a small epilogue of sorts in which the end of their stories are sorted out, as well as more than one Big Bad revealing itself to be a red herring. In any case, I wasn’t dissatisfied with the narrative overall, but it’s quite clear just how much the writers struggled to balance the need to provide content with the need to keep the player invested in the story.

That said, Until Dawn is easily the highest quality interactive drama I’ve ever played: the cast, led by Hayden Panettiere, perform superbly and manage to tease far more depth out of the characters than one might otherwise expect. Their performances single-handedly elevate the game as a whole, and form one of the crucial pillars upon which Until Dawn manages to stand above its flaws. The story is, for all my momentary criticisms, quite fun and interesting - the sheer amount of clichés within the horror genre offers a deep well from which Until Dawn can and does draw. From the moment you get your hands on the controls you’re left with a sense of dread and foreboding that doesn’t abate, and although your evolving understanding of the circumstances that haunt the characters does result in diminishing returns for the scares as the game winds on, there are still new and interesting plot elements revealed right up until the very final moments of play. An overabundance of jump-scares is mitigated by the fact that, despite how cheap they are, they do still manage to keep you on edge, and there are plenty of moments of genuine suspense provided equally by unsettlingly quiet moments, as well as the terrifying sequences in which you are chased by an unstoppable threat.

And it’s primarily through this quality and its single-minded dedication to providing a genre experience that Until Dawn comes out on top. Like all games of its ilk, it isn’t perfect, and ultimately one could reasonably accuse the ‘interactive drama’ genre of being one giant, coalescent gimmick, but the truly inspired decision here that separates Until Dawn from the others is that the creators chose a wonderfully gimmicky type of film to marry to this type of game. And while two gimmicks together don’t necessarily cancel each other out, in this case they certainly compliment each other to provide what is, in the end, a rather singular and unforgettable experience. 

Good

7/10 P.S.

It has taken me fucking months to write this review. I got a new job and lost a lot of writing time, and thus lost my mojo, so please excuse the gap and any perceived dip in quality. I’ve played a lot of games lately, so I hope to post something for Titanfall 2, the Uncharted series, Far Cry Primal, Horizon: Zero Dawn, as well as a few films. Hopefully it shouldn’t take me quite as long to get around to that as it has this. Love, peace, and chicken grease. 

[neverisalongtime-ja-blog]

Chapter 24: Hurricane Drunk

Here we are again with another chapter! The feedback has been amazing let’s keep it!

Remember to visit Anastasia’s IG profile:

Anastasia_Truman  ❤️️

As always I wanna thank you all for reading my fic, I love you all so much!

Read Chapter 23

Even with that hurricane of emotions, the first two shows in New York were a success. Anastasia and the rest of the band gave their all on stage and the crowd loved it. They even sang along to most of the songs. Her brother and Andrew were at a side of the stage rooting for them; Kelly and Josh’s parents enjoyed the show as well. When it was the Chilis’ time to take control of the Madison Square Garden, the four Dead Curse members joined the family and friends. Anastasia felt an incredible amount of discomfort. That was, for sure, a surreal experience: the guy she opened her heart to and then cheated on her was on stage, with his new barely legal girlfriend screaming his name in an exaggerated way on a side, and she was there, standing still and witnessing that decadent scene. She couldn’t handle it and ran away from there; Mandy followed her to their dressing room.

 -          This is stupid! – Anastasia said – Extremely stupid! I can’t believe I’m going through this.

-          Let it all out – Mandy hugged her – The show is over you can let all the pain out now.

-          Mandy, he cheated on me with her – Anastasia said breaking the hug – Do you understand that? Because I don’t. My brain can’t process that shit.

-          I’m telling you, something is not quite right here.

-          He left me alone on New Year’s Eve to be with her! That’s the girl he was working with.

-          And do you think that in a week he decided to change girls just like that?

-          I don’t know! I don’t know him anymore.

-          That’s not him, I’m sure of that.

-          I don’t care. All that matters to me is that I’m fucking sad and angry and I can’t believe this is happening again.

 At that moment the girls heard a couple of knocks in the door. Mandy opened the door and Mark’s and Andrew’s faces appeared behind it.

 -          You need to get out of here – Mark said.

-          Let’s go to have a true New Yorker dinner in the streets and let’s go for drinks after that – Andrew suggested.

-          Yes that’s what I want to do, I wanna get drunk!

-          Are you sure of this? – Mandy whispered to Anastasia so only she could hear.

-          Mandy, I need this. I need to forget about everything, just for tonight.

 Eric, Nick and Kelly joined the group and the seven hit the New York streets. Anastasia loved the walks around New York, there was always people wandering in them, going places or going nowhere, just like she was in that moment; she didn’t know what she was doing or what she was going to do but right now the purpose was to stop the feeling. She looked at her friends and felt jealousy of how they were smiling; she couldn’t smile, even if Andrew’s or Mandy’s jokes were very funny. She just kept looking down at her shoes, wandering the New York streets. The last time she walked those places she was with Josh and then his presence took her mind as hostage again for what seemed like minutes until she felt a pair of arms around her shoulders.

 -          Do you want pizza? – Her brother asked.

-          Yeah, sure! – She answered, not paying attention to her truly hunger intentions. It didn’t really matter what she ate that night.

-          Let’s go a couple blocks from here – Mark talked again – There’s a new bar with great pizza and we can have a couple of drinks.

 Anastasia had more than a couple of drinks, and after the bar closed the group decided to move to the hotel bar to drink even more alcohol. The walk back to the hotel was a lot different than the one hours before. Anastasia was smiling, demonstrating her evident drunkenness, she went from hugging Kelly to hugging Mandy and then back to Kelly, alcohol did its thing and she forgot Josh for those hours. She knew it was all a lie and the following night she would have to go back to see him at the venue, try to mend her life and go on… go on, how hard did that seem to achieve right now.

 Another two hours were spent drinking at the hotel bar. At around three in the morning Anastasia decided it was time to go to bed, but the rest were still having a good time.

 -          Sure you can walk alone to your room? – Andrew asked.

-          I’m fine! For real! And we are just in the hotel bar; it’s not that far away. I just need to walk to the elevator and then get to the room. Just make sure that if I throw up on the hall nobody takes pictures – She said leaving the table.

 She struggled to walk but she managed to act lucid and get inside the elevator, behind her another person entered. She turned around and saw him, Josh. She blinked a couple of time hoping she was hallucinating because of the alcohol and he would go away, but there he was, he didn’t go away and that filled her with rage. She was angry because he was there, and she hated him so much at that moment.

 -          You got to be fucking kidding me! – She screamed looking at the ceiling. Josh didn’t respond – Man, I’m too fucking drunk to handle this right now - Josh just stood still there, looking at her, no reaction, and that made Anastasia burn with rage – What the fuck is wrong with you?

-          I’m sorry – That was all that he managed to say.

-          You are sorry? That’s it? You are sorry? For fuck’s sake Josh! Even your initials say it so: you are a joke.

All the anger Anastasia was feeling accumulated in her head and she couldn’t think straight anymore. She just jumped at him and started hitting him in his chest with her fists. He did not put up resistance; he just stood there, letting Anastasia release her anger at him, without moving a single muscle. She hit him hard and after seeing his lack of response she stopped, tired, it was hard to breathe.

 -          I can’t believe that now I’m stuck in this tour watching your new girlfriend cheering for you every night while I’m still dying for you! So fuck her and fuck you, Josh Klinghoffer! – After her rant the elevator stopped at her floor and she exited it without an answer from Josh.

 She cried until she fell asleep. The next morning, it was Mandy the one who made her open her eyes and the first image in her head was her hitting Josh inside the elevator.

 -          Oh my God, Mandy! – Anastasia started to say slowly – Last night…

-          Yes, you were really drunk but you managed to find your way to the room – Mandy said laughing.

-          No, Josh… - Anastasia talked again and Mandy’s expression changed to worried – He was in the elevator with me and…

-          You kissed him? – Mandy asked.

-          No, I hit him. Real hard. I was so angry – Mandy burst into laugh.

-          No fucking way! – Mandy kept laughing – Anastasia!

-          Don’t laugh! I feel so bad but I was so drunk and so… so angry.

-          He deserved it – Mandy said trying to catch her breath – What did he do?

-          Nothing, he just stood there letting me hit him. He just said he was sorry and that made me angrier.

-          Man, you can’t make shit like this up – Mandy said.

-          Do you think I should apologize?

-          Apologize?! No! – Mandy said – Not in a million years should you apologize to that guy who cheated on you with a child – Despite Mandy’s opinion, Anastasia felt guilty, she felt she overreacted – Get up and get changed, we need to be at the Madison Square Garden in an hour.

 Dead Curse went back to the venue for the last show in the Big Apple. At that point Anastasia hated New York, a city she always loved with passion; this girl was ruining so many things for her.

 The midnight-blue-haired girl was hanging out in her dressing room by herself trying to read a book without having a lot of success on it. The elevator episode from last night kept playing in her mind and she could only think about that… and Josh, and she felt so guilty. She didn’t want to hurt him, well yes, she thought about doing it a couple of times but her reaction wasn’t something very Anastasia-like, she never chose violence, she always had this power of destroying people with her words so she stuck to that. She was angry at Josh and with this chick, it was confusing and her brain was working at a thousand miles per hour. She decided to search for him and talk about last night; she blocked Mandy’s words from her head and got out of that room.

 She walked around the entire venue; she searched for him in his dressing room, at the stage, even in the bathrooms and he was nowhere to be found. Feeling defeated, she realized that she needed fresh air and walked out of the MSG. She went to a parking lot in the back of the building and there he was, leaning against a wall, smoking a cigarette. He wasn’t aware of her presence until she took a few more steps in his direction. He looked into her eyes like he used to do during the first part of the tour last year, she saw his pupils shining but his mouth was tense, it was like two different expressions in the same face.

 -          Hi – She was the first to talk. He didn’t reply – Listen, I want to apologize for my behavior last night.

-          Don’t worry about that – He said looking to the floor and having another smoke.

-          Wow, you haven’t smoked in a while – She said.

-          Sometimes I need it.

-          I was so drunk last night – Anastasia stood in front of him – And so angry.

-          You have the right to be angry – Josh said looking so sweet and Anastasia hated that – Look, I broke up with you because I didn’t want to hurt you.

-          Should I thank you for that? – Anastasia answered sarcastically – Wow, Josh, you are so benevolent on breaking up with me so I don’t get hurt. Well, for your information, you weren’t successful in that, I got hurt. I am hurt, goddamn it! You just threw me away like garbage.

 Josh threw his cigarette to the floor, opened his arms and positioned himself to give her a hug; Anastasia put both hands in front of her as an automatic reaction to stop him.

 -          Don’t you even dare hug me – She said and turned her back to him to walk back to the venue.

 For some strange reason, Anastasia felt worse. Josh was being so polite with her, deep inside she wanted him to be rude and treat her bad so she could really hate him and leave all the good feelings she had for him behind. She didn’t even realize that she arrived to the door of her dressing room and once inside she faced Mandy.

 -          Something happened – Mandy started to say. There was nothing she could do to hide something from that pink-haired girl.

-          Can you stop looking through my soul? – Anastasia said taking a seat next to her friend – The fact that Josh is not giving me reasons to hate him is annoying.

-          Um… he cheated on you… isn’t that enough reason? – Mandy asked.

-          Despite that… I mean, yeah! I’m still angry about that and his coward attitude. But these days in New York, the two times that I could face him he acted so polite and… fuck! The fact that he doesn’t do things to make me mad actually makes me mad! – Anastasia looked at the ceiling.

-          He is walking the bitch everywhere like a trophy, don’t you see it? – Mandy said – Don’t worry, I can hate him for the both of us.

-          You know? Inside of me I wanted to see him being an asshole because that’s the image I put in my head about him this last month. I wanted him to be this Josh I imagine, this other Josh. But no, he’s still the same and that makes me sad and even more confused about why he chose her over me.

-          I don’t share your opinion at all. I do think he changed, the Josh we knew would have given you a reason to end your relationship, he wouldn’t hide. I mean, we were never close to him but we’ve known Josh for almost seven years now. He is no stranger to us, to you – Mandy continued talking, this time Anastasia was looking directly to her eyes – What I don’t understand is why her? You two are so different. Despite the age gap, she is this vibrant blond girl that does not have a drop of depth in her brain, she is not creative and she is nothing like you. I’m pretty sure she knows nothing about music and certainly doesn’t write songs.

-          Yes, I don’t think she writes songs about bloody sacrifices to the Gods and putting rocks on your pockets to drown in a river – Anastasia answered.

-          And that’s why I’m in a band with you because I couldn’t play plain songs about cheesy love – Mandy smiled – You are going to be fine, believe me. I know you feel hurt but never stop believing in love because it does exist.

-          Of course it exists, I love you! – Anastasia said and threw herself to hug her best friend.

 That night outfit for the show included a t-shirt with the phrase “Players only love you when they’re playing” printed on the front and making reference to a Fleetwood Mac song, Dreams, and of course as a nod to the situation with Josh. In general it was a great show to end the New York row but Anastasia didn’t feel the same energy that she had the nights before, maybe it was because Lauren was there, with a couple of friends, watching her from a side of the stage, and singing to some of their most known songs. How dare she do that?!

 To close this leg of the tour everyone decided to visit the karaoke bar once again but this time Anastasia had to deal with Josh and his young girlfriend joining them. She couldn’t say anything, Josh was friends with 99% of that group of people, she couldn’t just forbid him to hang out with them, that was immature and an attitude Anastasia wasn’t going to fall on. Andrew took the first turn on the microphone and he and Mark sang the song Africa by the band Toto, a golden piece to start the night. After them, Anastasia and Mandy performed a funny version of Wannabe by the Spice Girls, Nick decided to go with Waterfalls by TLC and Anastasia and Mandy joined him, the midnight-blue-haired girl could notice that Josh’s girl didn’t recognize some of the mega hits that were performed that night on stage. They decided to rest for a while, letting other people at the place take their turn on the karaoke.

 -          It’s not real karaoke if you sing well – Andrew said to Mandy and Anastasia.

-          You sing well too! – Mandy said.

-          Thank you. You are making me blush – Andrew answered joking.

 After an hour of talking and drinking, Anastasia grabbed the board with the songs available to sing and she saw the perfect one: Rumor Has It by Adele. She chose it without even thinking about it. The alcohol was responsible, she didn’t think what she was about to do.

 She, she ain't real

She ain't gonna be able to love you like I will

She is a stranger

You and I have history

Or don't you remember

Sure, she's got it all

But, baby, is that really what you want

 She started to sing avoiding eye contact with Josh and Lauren, they were sitting with Nick and Eric at a table at her left, she focused on Mandy instead who was cheering with Andrew and Mark from the bar.

 Bless your soul; you've got your head in the clouds

You made a fool out of you

And, boy, she's bringing you down

 Anastasia could feel the tension in the air but she wasn’t going to stop now.

 She is half your age

But I'm guessing that's the reason that you stayed.

 She saw him then. He was angry, she could notice by his face expression. Josh grabbed Lauren by the arm, nodded Nick and Eric and then Anastasia saw him walking to the door. The amount of alcohol she drank that night and that silly song at the karaoke made her feel victorious, even if it was an empty victory. A victory she regretted next morning.

 Then it was time to go back to Los Angeles. Andrew and Mark joined everybody in the flight back home. Josh wasn’t there; he decided to stay in New York with Lauren for the next week. Mandy and Anastasia sat next to each other, since Josh wasn’t there to give her moral support during the flight (like he used to), her pink-haired friend happily took that position.

 -          Rumor Has It, last night… That was brilliant! – Mandy said smiling.

-          I feel bad, though – Anastasia answered – I need to stop the emotional drinking.

-          He ran away – Mandy said, still smiling – He deserved it. Don’t even think for a minute that any of this is your fault. You are not the one who should feel bad, he should.

-          I know Mandy, but I think about so many things, maybe she is good to him. Maybe he is in love, maybe I wasn’t what he expected me to be and then he found her and she makes him happy. I want him to be happy but… - Anastasia made a pause – I want to be happy too.

-          And you’ll be happy because you fucking deserve it.

-          I’m starting to think that I’m always gonna end up having this unstable love life – Anastasia said- That’s my call. I mean, the universe thought it would be fun to put me in an elevator with him and while I was hitting him I realized that I loved him like I never loved anybody before. You know what was the hardest thing this week? – Anastasia said to her friend – Looking into his eyes and not being able to say “I love you”.

-          You still do? – Mandy asked.

-          A week ago I would tell you yes without even thinking about it but, right now, I’m not sure anymore – Mandy put an arm around Anastasia’s shoulder and cuddled with her friend so she could sleep for the rest of the flight.

Read chapter 25

[tmblogs]

March 11, 2017

I was uncontrollably happy today. I didn't sleep the night before, and handed in a crappy paper. This was due to the fact instead of doing the paper I listened to Anna's playlist for me, mine for her, and then the districts on repeat. I then wasted a couple hours on tumblr thinking about Anna. So yeah didn't get any of that shit done. The discussion in boogaard was better than usual as it was less factual, and more oppinion oriented. So despite me dying from exhaustion it was enjoyable. Ms. Wes was out so I just worked on the peer leader essays I was supposed to write the night before in c8. I really hope I get to be a peer leader, because freshman orientation was such a positive experience for me, and I just want to create that for people. Sohn was fine I worked on my essay more. Study hall came around and I sat with sean, and jennie which was a wierd group, but it was fine they played cards I did math homework. Anna stopped by, which was great, but my tiredness coupled with me not being prepared to see her made me just totally blank. I was trying to get my face to emote, but i was really fucking tired so i was a little wierd, but it was fun to see her. In lunch I went down the cafeteria, which is a rare occurence, and watched the flash mob, and it was so fucking akward, and cringy, but people clapped, and I died inside. Math I again just listened to anna's playlist. The same in gym but I also wrote my essay a bit, and worked out a bit. Clare is still fucking sick and it was snowing so i couldnt walk on the track so it was pretty boring. In english, ugh idfk man like I need to get in missing work and actually start doing shit because I am going to fail. I just need to get it together, but there is just a lot happening between the show, anna, and japanese like it's a little overwhelming dividing my time accordingly, but thankfully two of those things will be over in a week. Then in study hall my mom rushed to the school to sign the peer leader papers, because I was so fucking tired in the morning I totally forgot. After school I ran into anna, and we walked home, but I noticed jason wasnt there, and I was confused because she always walks with jason. So i started thinking she purposely left jason because of what I had said yesterday. Apparently she just forgot, but im still not sure because maybe she did remember like as we were leaving the school, and just decided not to say anything, because she didnt know how I would feel, but idk, I wish i knew what she was thinking at all moments of the day, but sadly that is not a thing I can do. The walk home was pleasant it took everything out of me to hide how fucking tired I was I mean I was dying but i tried to act energetic and like my brain was half working, but it was hard. Then it was wierd because I really wanted to keep walking with her so I just kept going, and missed all my turns, and then I askes myself how far are you going to walk with her? All the way to her house to the next stop, and then I was like she probably is thinking like hey wasnt that your turn and that I was wierd for just following her home, so then I decided to turn off, but i instsntly regreted that decision, and wished I had just kept going for a little longer, but like how much I had to leave at some point. Got home ate some food, a burrito, talked about plans for my birthday, I said I didnt want anything, because if they spend lots of money on me then they wont be as willing to let me spend lots of money, and i still need money but Ill probably get enough by this weekend, and then talk about it with my parents. Lol idk how they are gonna feel about the whole situation, but whatever. Slept for an hour and thirty, and was late to stage crew by thirty minutes. But goddamn was the show good. Just being there surrounded by people you love, and who love you, and just everything coming together to make something so beautiful it just made me so fucking happy, and I did that thing witb my hands where I shake then uncontrollably if im feeling mass amounts of joy and excitement, i mean that's how you nnow im really fucking happy. Anna went and picked up isabel, who is still mysterious and intimidating in my mind. Like holey fuck are people hype about her idk what to exoect if I ever actually meet her. OH MY GOD AND CASSIDY CAME, and it was so beautiful to see her again, and it felt like last year all over again, and I miss her sooooo much, and ugh it was great to see her if only briefly. If only gillian had come it would have been the og group me, gillian, cassidy, maura, and jimmy man, and sometimes alexis. Apparently gillian is being a real bitch though lately so. Ah man so many good times driving around for hours with them kind of sad that is all over. I remember one time we were out till like three am, and I was gillian and cassidy were piled atop me josh and jimmy, and alexis was in the front with maura, and awe man I miss that so much, but that's all over now and I accept that. Today it was maura and grace in the front me josh and leah in the back, and me and leah have become a lot more friendly I wonder if she still has grudge about what happened over the summer, and then ethan and amy in the back. Amy is wierd because I know she is a fake ass bitch, but also she is so fucking nice to me so like what am I supposed to do be mean to her? Like i cant be mean to someone if they dont first do some shit to me right, but idk the whole time we were together there was a thing in the back of mind saying like she hurt anna, and you shouldnt be nice to her, but like i didnt know what to do so i justed treated her like I always have. It was wierd to because I actually havent had a time were we hung out and it wasnt akward in like months so it was wierd going bsck to that. Of course josh brought vodka mixed with gatorsde, and we passed it around at ponzios, so first time I have drunk like sociably, didnt get drunk though only had a little bit. Then we gave liz the $1000 we raised for her and her family, she is a waitress at ponzios, I almost cried, amy and maura were crying, but i kept myself from doing so. Then on the ride back josh also decided to bring his vape pen so I tried that out for the first time to, and it was cool, tasted like strawberries so we all passed that around. At this point the car was filled with smoke, snd there were like seven or 8 people piled in, and of course we stop right behind a fucking police car for a good solid 2 mjnutes, so everyone fucking ducked in the trunk and like sat up straigjt and shit but nothing happened as always i was the first to be let out, which kind of bugged me but it was whatever, and yeah now im here and it is 12:48 am. So yeah

[exotahu]

Bronycon 2019 “THE END”

Okay so... I kinda procrastinated on putting this out. I wrote the shell right after the con but only now finished it for posting. I don’t use tumblr much anymore but I couldn’t think of anywhere else to put this. Here is my rundown of the 2019 Bronycon. As per usual, this was written in pieces over time and might be a bit of a mess. I’m not the most coherent person when it comes to writing this sort of thing. So for one final time, Here we go. I apologize if tumblr breaks it all. 

Wednesday

The power went out as I was getting ready to leave. I had everything pretty well prepared ahead of time this time.

 I was super stressed about things going wrong and of fucking shit up actually helped me get my shit together. Still thought, I left the goddamn pop-tarts behind I had bought to have cheap easy breakfasts, but oh well, wasn't the worst thing that could have happened. Left a little bit later than planned but, we weren't too terribly late either despite all this, and we got to Baltimore in good time. Made a couple stops a long the way. Found a nowhere gas station with a super yikes level sticker display next to a rack of GFT comics. Place sure had an aura about it that did not suit my pastel-horse ribbon wearing shenanigans. Made another stop and bought some twisted tea tall boys that I never ended up drinking at some other rando gas station. Made another stop at the Speedway that was a Hess and got some hot dogs. The one with the M&T next to it, that I've stopped at almost every time I've gone down. It’s dumb, but I’m gonna miss that spot. Some of these places, though dumb and random to anyone else, have memories. Like sitting on the hood of my Geo just shooting the shit with friends on the way to Otakon, or my first solo trip where I unintentionally scared the shit outta my parents cause I accidently made them think I was on the wrong side of the state or how I always took the wrong turn and had to use a middle school parking lot to turn around. Recorded a bunch with my phone cause its gonna be a long time until I’m back to some of these places. Little videos or pictures for nostalgic purposes. Made it into the hotel. No issues with the weirdness with the room reservation, thank god. (I had to do some nonsense with having two reservations and rewards points and stuff due to not getting Sunday night in the con block) Pre-reg was starting at 6 and going until late some time so we did other stuff instead. We went to Tir na Nog for dinner and hung out in the inner harbor, went to Barnes and Noble then the ice cream place. Just some of the staples of hanging out in the Inner Harbor. Went to CVS and I bought some more pop-tarts to replace the ones I left at home. Then we went to pre-reg to pick up badges. Line was pretty huge at the start when we walked past to go get dinner, figured it’d get smaller over time, but holy fuck it didn’t. Pretty sure they had no idea that many people were going to show up which was unfortunately a pretty accurate descriptor of the whole weekend tbh. We waited in line for like two hours, but it went fast enough and was kinda fun. Lots of songs being sung and merriment, especially for a two hour line. A bunch of people asked me about my digital badge or goggles. It’s funny how often the answer to “Where did you get those” is so often “Here a couple years ago” or “Otakon, a whole bunch of year ago”. A 4th of all the people registered showed up supposedly. So many people showed up that they capped line but we were already in. Not much to do after so we went back to the hotel for sleep. Got to bed Pretty early. The bar trot wasn't this night so we just went back. Got a great night of sleep sleeping on a mattress that wasn't butt, almost 8 hours. I wish my mattress at home was as good as this hotel one.

 Thursday

 Today was the bonus day. There wasn't much going on con-wise, which was fine. It was good to just relax and wander. I got to meet up with a friend from a discord server I'm in. Wandered around a while and took pictures. Also met up with someone who is actually from Baltimore but is moving to Syracuse (and only like a couple days after the con) Waited for vendor hall to open and hung out as a group for a while. There was a big line to get into vendor. It was in a weird spot this time, inside of the harmony plaza and not its own space. Bought a KDA Akali mask but mostly just did a scope out. The vendor was packed. A little more cramped due to the limited space. It was a little hard to move. Couldn’t maintain unit cohesion. Learned the layout though and where most of the vendors were. Got to briefly see a few other cool people from that Discord sever. Planned to do most of my buying, but Justin lost his hotel key (always get spares), had to go let him in the room. On the way back I did a Rayquaza raid with a couple friends. Me and Josh forgot we were one day away from best friends in game and that raids count towards the daily interaction so we didn't pop a lucky egg, whoops. Ate at Jimmy Johns before going to meet up for opening. Unfortunately, Opening got capped due to space. The BCC got shared with a Rubix cube competition so we only had half the space because I don't think they planned on having their highest attendance ever at over 10k people. We didn't have the top floor big hall so the Mane Hall was in where palooza was and it's certainly not sized to hold that many people. This would be a difficulty the whole weekend. I got back into the Harmony Plaza/Vendor Hall. They were livestreaming the Mane Hall, so the staff set up a huge monitor in Harmony Plaza to watch it sorta live. It was pretty emotional. Even the BCC president showed up and said we should keep going. That was a little rough. Then they did something neat. They got Gilbert Gottfried to sing/read This Day Aria. Everyone in the room went bananas. It was hilarious. I met back up with everyone at the hotel and we headed to the bars. Part of our group went to a ramen place they all like. There wasn't enough space for all of us without waiting an forever, so me and Justin just went to the bars. I started drinking at the Dogs Watch. They didn't have any pony themed drinks but there were pony decorations and music playing. It's a nice atmosphere, it's a bit hard to explain, being in an alcohol establishment with music from a colorful pastel horse show playing. I had 3 vodka cranberries. Met back with everyone and went to The Admiral. They had almost no Trixie left, but still enough for me to have one. And I fucking did it, I got the recipe or at the very least I know the materials. Had some of the other drinks too. There was a Pinkie, Twilight and I believe Tempest? The bartender used Champagne for the Pinkie themed drink because it was the last Bronycon. I had a bunch of those, a couple of the others, then a mix of everything. Everyone in our group went back in groups. Me, Sam and Cody were the last ones in our group. Met up with some cool people. One of the guys ordered a Vodka shot for everyone, and then a Tequila shot. After that before I left I thanked the bartender one more time for all he's done to make the bar one of the highlights of our yearly trip and all the cool theme drinks. (Seriously, if you're ever in Baltimore and drink alcohol, go to Fells Point. Find the Admiral Fell Inn, it's a little underground bar and it is AMAZING, and the bartender is a really cool guy.) Our newly formed group left. We didn't want to walk all the way back to our hotels drunk, which funny enough were all next to each other so we summoned a Lyft. While waiting we took a group selfie. We took two, Cody was missing from the first one and then Sam was missing from the other. Plus there was a random guy in both of them we didn't know who it was. THey were seconds apart and I still don't know how that happened. I got a selfie in front of a lingerie shop which amused drunk me greatly. The Lyft came and we all got in, Don't Stop Believing started playing and we all started singing along. It was a good ride back. We got back and me and one other person decided hey, Palooza is still going, lets go. Met up with a fursuiter on the way. Got to catch the last couple acts. It’s a hell of a time drunk. I could feel the soles of my feet vibrating. I had a blast and then went back to the hotel after it ended. Got to bed at like 3. It's fun to stay up doing the late things but it makes it hard to do early things.

  Friday

 I tried to get up early so I could get there earlier to get one of Baron's commission slots. Alcohol didn't cause many problems outside of a minor headache and mild plumbing problems. Still slowed me down a little. Surprisingly not really hung over aside from that, despite how much I drank. Drink water everybody, it really does help. I went to the con and got into vendor hall. I bought some stuff. I got a Soarin' daki, a game for a friend, among some other things. I bought some original art from Baron too. Didn't get there in time for a commission though. Went to the comic vendor and bought my comics. I'm only missing a couple now. Ended up getting into the line for Whoves Line almost on accident. Got in with no issues, which was cool. It’s good fun, they put on a good show. There was a proposal too which was neat, especially how they did it. Dropped stuff off at the hotel. Went to meet up with our other group and got to see the other hotel we’ve never stayed in. It's fancy af. Our group went to Bubba Gumps and I went in. I figured if it's gonna be my last time here for a very long time I was gonna do it big. Someone jokingly said I should get two Shrimper's Heavens. And then I did it, plus my usual shrimp cocktail. The Great Shrimp Massacre of 2019. Also discovered that their cheese sticks are fuckin massive and I wish I had known. I got a bunch of them that the others couldn't eat. I ate all of that. I did it big. Plumbing didn’t even break. Dropped 100$ at once. It's the most I have very spent on one restaurant trip. I don’t think I’ll be doing that again, but hey, for the final BronyCon that's kinda the point isn't it? We went to ice cream place. (Okay so I don't eat ice cream but they sell some really good tea) Then we went to the Palooza. Forgot to change my socks. Knee-high stockings no good for rave as I discovered. Vylet’s set was absolutely fantastic. (I mean all the acts were great, but she’s a favorite). Also got to see the secret guest whose name was obscured the whole time. I knew who I wanted it to be, and it was. Garnika came back for one more and played a wonderful set. Like usual we stayed the whole thing. It’s so much fun despite knowing waking up will be hard cause I’ll only get like 4 sleep. There is like this odd sense of dread knowing the effect the late night is going to have on you, but you stay anyway because there is such an energy you can't pull yourself away from.

  Saturday

Once again I tried to get up early to get a commission slot form Baron. Didn’t end up making it, however, he said he’d do it anyway, and mail it out. (I'm referring to Baron Engel, he's an artist I really like, go look him up!) It's a picture of Fluttershy dressed as Jotaro from JJBA. I've gotten it now and it's really good! I bought more stuff, including another daki that Kyle and Josh jokingly pointed out to me. Didn't think I was going to, but I couldn't turn down the price the guy gave me. I lined up for VA panel script reading. It was an EqG script about the cast graduating and the Celestias swapping places and causing chaos. It was not so subtly about the end of the con. I started to tear up. I realized that was gonna be a common theme throughout the weekend, I fuckin knew it. I do not like crying, especially in public. The closer we got to the end the worse it got. Ran into the cosplay photoshoot which was neat, and there was another proposal. After that I made a hotel deposit and got some Jimmy Johns, and then went to anthology panel. Because of course it was, Gardevoir community day was the same weekend as the con. I bought a new Pokemon+ thing that does it automatically, so I still got to play despite being in a panel or in line for most of it. It was alright. Anthology was great (and holy shit a little raunchier than usual), But then at the end they told us that it was actually longer and they had to cut it for time. (To which I call bullshit, any additional content I’ve seen was far too explicit for the actual con, lul). Went to the Palooza for one final time. I remembered to change my socks this time. Saw Black Gryph0n and Michelle Creber, and then the super band made up of a large variety of fandom musicians. It was really cool. Even got to hear an orchestral performance of one of 4everfree's songs which is something I've not seen them do before. Things ran a little long and it threw the schedule off a bunch. 2 AM hit and Eruobeat hadn't gone yet. (2 is usually when we have to leave by) But Eurobeat did get to do his set despite this because whoever was in charge decided to be cool. "We're suposed to be out by 2, but its 2 and Eurobeat has to play still. We can stay for this but, but when it’s over I'm gonna need y’all to get the fuck out.” And then Eurobeat performed he was one of the first fandom musicians and one of the first to perform at the original BronyPalooza. And of course, for his final song, he performed his 2019 version of Discord. The whole fuckin' room went nuts. It was nothing short of magical. It was the perfect way to end it, the final Bronypalooza. The energy in the room was insane. Bronypalooza was always one of my favorite parts of the con. I’m told other EDM concerts are crazier, but I don’t know if I want crazier. There was something absolutely magical about a room full of all different kinds of people losing their shit to pastel horse based music waving dakis and plushies and some in full fursuit and some in cosplay and some in plain clothes and every kinda nonsense you can imagine. Just rocking out and having a good time. It's an experience and a kind of magic that I don’t know what will ever be able to compare. I'll never forget it.

 Sunday

THE FINAL DAY. I switched over reservations with no issues and went to the con. Ended up mostly wandering around the vendor hall yeeting money away before lining up for closing. I recorded a bunch of wandering around. There was a Bronycon memorial shrine that was set up too that people had left all sorts of crazy stuff at too. I bought some random but cool stuff. I also commissioned a badge of my pony character! (Better late than never huh?) Was gonna buy a couple things but ended up not. I ran into Vylet wandering the vendor hall! Got a picture with her and Namii!. Lined up for closing, which turned into a bit of a clusterfuck. It got capped again due to room. In the clusterfuck I was able to meet back up with Andy, Sam, and Justin. However while in line I got to see a whole bunch of con staff set up huge monitors to stream it to the overflow room so as many people as possible can see it. It was... very emotional, was pretty much just sobbing in a whole room full of people. Got a conclusion to the mascot storyline too. I never want to forget how I feel after these things. Walking out of the con center for the last time was fucking surreal. I've been there so many times. I remember being confused by the layout the first couple times and by the end, I had the whole thing memorized. (Okay, I couldn't remember lobby names for shit, but I knew where it all was.) I cried a whole bunch as we all walked out together reminiscing. We sat in the hotel room as a group just kinda being sad and reminiscing and decompressing for a little while. Then we went to a bar after party event things in a place I’d never been. It was a pretty relaxing atmosphere. Instead of being in the bar we sat outside on these sofa things on the deck rather than watching the concert on the inside (But hoenstly it was so loud you could hear it well enough). A lot of the non-EDM rock musicians there. It was honestly really nice sitting there under the open sky just listening to music. Feeling the sunset while the city lights get brighter and the sky fades to dark was nice. I checked Pokemon Go since I had my automatic bracelet thing doing it's thing, turns out I caught a random Shiny Alolan Geodude. I nicknamed it the Bronycon Memorial Rock, it's a Golem now. Had some shots too. After a while we went back to the hotel. We decided to do a Insomnia Cookie order, since it went so well last year. And oh was it a clusterfuck. So we made our order. I forgot to mention that we were in a hotel so I called them and they said they'd call us when they got there and that I would come down. Roughly 15 minutes later, the call came. I said I'd be down. I went to the lobby and found a delivery man with a white box. He comes up to me and asks me if I was the one that ordered pizza. Nope, wasn't me. He got a little frustrated but continued to wait for his people. No cookie delivery guy. I call him back. This was basically the convo: "Hello, I'm down in the lobby but I can't find you" "Wait, it wasn't you that picked up the cookies?" "No I just got here, there is a confused pizza man down here though." (I should note that they're both white square boxes) "Oh fuck I'm so sorry I gave it to the wrong person we'll remake your order and come back" "No problem man, it happens to the best of us, I'll just wait down in the lobby this time" I repeated the order, he apologized and hung up. The pizza guy just left the pizza with the front desk. I saw that they still had the menus up for the pony themed alcohol so I ordered an Applejack(Apple brandy, hard cider and ice). Accidentally ended up calling another friend trying to call the cookie guy back who also happened to be at a bar back home and had a chat about what we were drinking/doing so that was cool. Eventually the cookie guy came back and we had cookies. Then everyone wanted pizza. Yet another clusterfuck occurred, turns out they ran out of dough or something so after like a half hour wait, we got our money back. After that we just went to sleep.

  Monday

We packed everything up and loaded the car when we got up. Then we decided to have one last day in the inner harbor. We went to Tir Na Nog as a big group for one last time, then headed to the aquarium. The aquarium is nifty. I like to watch the jellyfish. They're so goddamn relaxing. Even one of the employees said the same thing. We left and took a group picture in the harbor before finally heading back. Once again, leaving was a bit sombre, there was just such a finality to it, walking past the BCC down Pratt St. After hanging out in the hotel lobby for a little bit, we got on the road to home. During the ride back, It ended up coming up why the area is significant to me and why I wanted to do certain things and why this whole crazy thing started in the first place. I never really bring it up, but it felt kinda good to talk about it. It was a relatively uneventful ride home. We stopped at a McDonalds at some point. Got home, unpacked and crashed, feeling exhausted from the weekend.  

  Conclusion:

 Yeah it's no secret I procrastinated writing/finishing this for a couple months. I guess I just didn't want to deal with it being over. I've mentioned before that this con and the surrounding area is pretty important to me. A yearly tradition that I looked forward to and saved for. I had gone to Otakon almost every year between 2006-2012. Once I realized interest in Otakon had waned, I got kinda sad, but then something wild happened. Bronycon announced they were moving down to a new location. The Baltimore Inner Harbor in the BCC. I had been talking with a couple friends about going to the next Bronycon and that absolutely cemented it. That was 2013. Then in 2014, I was contacted by some guy my dad worked with who was wondering if I had intended to go the next year. That's how I met Andy. I made a bunch of friends through the con/show and reconnected with old ones too. I made sure to go down every year since. Aside from 2010, I've gone to the Baltimore Inner Harbor every year since 06. It's gonna be hard knowing I won't be back there for a while most likely. I've got a bunch of memories down here across many years. I know this has been totally disjointed because I'm writing it months later, coming off the MLP series finale, so I'm feeling some feels. I think that's part of why I decided to finish it now. I've said for a while that Bronycon was one of the best conventions I've ever attended. The atmosphere was something unique and magical. I don't think I could ever describe it properly. I don't think I'll ever find anything that quite captures the magic, but one thing is sure, I'm never gonna forget the times we've had here. It really has been magic.