#I feel compelled to give him the love that I wish I could receive lol | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

es-kay-zee · 4 years ago

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Advice | Seo Changbin x Reader

pairing: changbin x reader

genre: smut

warnings: very very soft dom! reader (like, ridiculously soft), sub! idol, afab reader, oral (m receiving), piv sex, unprotected sex, creampie, praise

requested: yes

word count: 4.3k

proofread: surprisingly yes :) although it was very brief so there could still be mistakes lol

taglist: @bxngchxn @jisungsplatforms @qtieskz @vogueinnie

a/n: feedback is always appreciated! i thrive off of it! i love hearing what you guys think about my writing so feel free to let me know what y'all think of this one :)

____________________

A loud knock at your door was the last thing you expected at 11.43pm on a Tuesday night. Especially in the middle of a pandemic. But the most surprising part about it, was when you opened the door, you found your co-worker Changbin standing outside.

“What are you doing here?” you ask, peering over his shoulder and seeing his car parked on the side of the road.

“I need your help,” he replies, holding up various work folders, using the best pleading look he can muster up.

“You came all this way, just for some advice on a case?”

“Yeah. I know it’s late. I just-” he pauses for a second, sighing deeply and running a hand down his face. “I just need to have this done by the day after tomorrow, and I’m struggling with it. It keeps playing on my mind and I haven’t been able to get a good night’s sleep because of it.”

You take a deep breath, weighing your options. It’s not uncommon for Changbin to ask your advice on occasion, especially considering you’re a few years his senior, but what is uncommon is for him to show up at your house to ask. And you were just about to head to bed.

“Okay, come in,” you say before you can stop yourself, and you aren’t entirely sure why you invite him in. Sure, he needs the advice, but you’re tired and want sleep. You could’ve asked him to come back in the morning. But he’s here now and you’ve already invited him in. “Just put the stuff out on the coffee table.”

He does as you instruct, walking towards the couch, taking a seat and spreading some of the folders out on the small table.

“You want anything to drink?” you ask, walking towards the kitchen.

“Maybe just a glass of water, thanks,” he calls back.

You return to the living room, two glasses in your hands. You sit down next to Changbin, placing the glasses on the table, one in front of him and the other in front of yourself. He picks up his glass, takes a sip, and clears his throat before beginning to explain the case and what he needs help with. A short while passes, filled with him asking questions and you answering as best as you can. But you can’t help but notice that Changbin’s eyes keep running down your body every now and then. It’s obvious that he thinks he’s being subtle about it but based on the fact that you’ve watched him do it almost every time means that he’s anything but. It’s even more obvious how distracted he is, because of the number of times he asks you to repeat what you’ve said throughout the night so far.

An idea pops into your had, a rather devilish thought. You don’t know what compels you to do it, maybe it’s the crush you’ve had on him for the past year, or maybe it’s just the desire to get him worked up. You’re not entirely sure, but you do it anyway. You stand up, and Changbin’s eyes flick over to you, but he’s quick to avert his gaze back to the files on the table, not wanting to be caught staring at you. And that’s the moment you initiate your plan, quickly undoing the top two buttons of your black satin pajama shirt while he’s not looking. You round the table and take a seat on the floor, across from Changbin. You have to hold back a laugh when his eyes immediately land upon the now exposed skin of your chest. It’s entertaining, how just a simple pop of a button has the man so flustered.

You lean forward, further emphasising your cleavage under the guise of looking at the files, and it’s faint, but you can hear the low groan that leaves Changbin’s parted lips. You look up at him, and you can’t hide the smirk at the way his eyes are fixated on your chest. He hasn’t even noticed you looking at him.

“My eyes are up here,” you say, and the way Changbin jumps slightly at your words is almost enough to make you laugh.

“Uh, yeah, sorry.” The tips of his ears are red, and judging by the bulge in his sweatpants, the tip of his dick is probably the same colour. He’s quick to catch you looking at his bulge, grabbing one of your couch cushions and placing it over his lap, blocking the view from your eyes.

“Do you need any more help?” you ask, holding up a file. But the way your eyes continue to stare at his obscured lap makes it obvious that you’re not talking about the case. He clutches the cushion tighter, squirming slightly in his seat at the added pressure on his crotch. He doesn’t say anything in response to you, and you shake your head slightly at the silence. “C’mon, baby boy. You can tell me.”

The way his eyes widen at the nickname has you thinking you’ve gone too far. But the quiet whine that leaves his throat lets you know that it’s okay, that he likes it. He mumbles something under his breath, but you can’t quite make out the words.

“What was that? You’ve gotta speak up,” you say, keeping your voice calm and gentle, wanting to gently coax him into saying what he wants to say.

“C-can I kiss you?” he repeats. His question is cute, and you can’t help cooing quietly when he says the words.

“Of course,” you reply, standing up and walking back around the coffee table towards Changbin. You slowly pick up the cushion and place it to the side, replacing it’s previous position with yourself. You straddle his lap, your clothed core resting right above his bulge. You want to grind down against him, but you don’t. He asked for a kiss and that’s what you’re going to give him.

You pause before leaning in, taking a moment to look at his face, his silently pleading eyes and his pouting lips. He looks absolutely beautiful. And just before he can let out an impatient whine, you connect your lips with his, your hands resting upon his cheeks while his find their place on your waist. Your lips are soft, softer than he thought they would be, and the press of them against his own makes him feel like he’s in heaven, dancing among the highest clouds. Immediately, he’s intoxicated, drunk on the feeling of your lips. If he could somehow live without the need for oxygen, he’d never pull away, he’d be content to kiss you for the rest of time.

And just when he thinks it can’t get any better, you tangle your fingers into his dark hair. Your grip is firm, but you do not tug, there’s no need to when he’s already loving what you’re giving. Besides, there’s something fun in the gentleness, in the sweet, slow movements of yours and his lips. There’s no rush to feel more, no rush to indulge in anything more than what’s happening in the moment.

And when you do finally pull back, it’s not for lack of desire. You’re stopped only by the burning in your lungs, you’re body’s necessity for air growing greater than your heart's yearning to keep kissing him. The only sound that can be heard in the otherwise silent room is yours and his breathing, until you speak.

“Should we go to the bedroom?” you ask, wanting to be sure that he wants this as much as you do. You keep your voice quiet, no more than a hushed whisper, worrying that speaking any louder will somehow tarnish the calm atmosphere of the room.

He knows he shouldn’t do this. It crosses so many boundaries between his personal and professional life. For starters, you’re his co-worker, add to that the major crush he has on you and it’s bound to be a disaster. Emotionally. He cares about you, admires you. Sleeping with you will only amplify his feelings. But he’d be damned if he didn’t want this so badly.

“Yeah, we should,” he replies, speaking just as quietly as you.

Slowly, you stand up, taking his hand in yours and leading him down the hallway. He admires you from behind as you walk, his heart racing in excitement. He can’t believe he got to kiss you, let alone getting the chance to do more with you. You walk into your bedroom, still hand-in-hand with the man behind you. You stop, turning to face him. It’s cute, the way his eyes are wide, looking at you as if he doesn’t want to miss anything. You take a step closer to him, connecting your lips with his in another gentle kiss before grabbing the hem of his shirt and slowly lifting it up. Once his shirt is off, you lean in, whispering in his ear.

“Do you wanna take off my clothes or do you wanna watch me do it?” A shudder runs through his body from your breath tickling his skin, and he still can’t believe this is happening. Both options sound like a dream come true, but he knows which one he prefers.

“Watch, please.”

“Then get on the bed, pretty boy.”

Your words send another shiver down his spine, but maybe that’s just the nickname. He loves it, the way you talk so sweetly, the way you treat him so gently. He wishes he could live in this moment forever. He does as you say, climbing onto the bed, leaning against the headboard, sitting with a perfect view of you. And watching you strip becomes his favourite movie, something he could watch over and over and never grow tired of. The way your fingers dance over the buttons of your pajama shirt, slowly undoing them has him wishing he had a photographic memory. Wanting to engrave this image of you in his mind forever.

Your shirt falls to the floor, and your satin shorts do the same, revealing a pair of simple underwear underneath. If you were expecting company like this, then you probably would’ve worn a nicer pair, maybe one of your lacy ones. But Changbin couldn’t care less what kind of underwear you’re wearing; you look stunning nonetheless. You slowly crawl up the bed, until your face hovers over his. He pouts his lips, silently asking for another kiss, and as much as you want to give it to him, you want to hear him ask first.

“Use your words,” you say, but there’s nothing demanding about the way your speak, giving the instruction calmly and quietly.

“Can I please have another kiss?”

You nod once, kissing him again. This time the kiss is deeper, but still just as soft. Slowly, delicately, you place your hands against Changbin’s chest, running them downwards. And as your fingertips trace down Changbin’s torso, he’s sure that they’re made of electricity, for wherever they touch his skin tingles in a frenzy of static. It’s his new favourite thing, the way your touch ignites him in ways that nothing else ever has, or ever will be able to.

Your fingers reach the waistband of his sweatpants, and you toy with the drawstring. You want to draw this out, want to build up to the moment you finally touch him. Your lips never stop moving against his as you gradually, almost leisurely pull his sweatpants down. He raises his hips to help you, even aiding in gently kicking them off his ankles. His underwear remains on, just as yours still is, for now. Your lips move from his to his neck, placing soft pecks just under his jaw.

“Can I mark you?” you ask, breath fanning across his skin, and he’s in love with the feeling. He adores that you ask, that you take into consideration what he wants. He knows that that’s common courtesy, that everyone is expected to ask. But that doesn’t stop his heart from warming at the sound of your words.

He nods, mumbling a quiet “please” before you do just that, softly sucking on his skin. There’s no quickness to the way your lips move, no hurry in the way the marks form along the column of his throat and along his collarbones. The blemishes aren’t dark, they don’t need to be. It’s all about the pleasure of their creation, not necessarily what they represent. Ownership. You’re not trying to own him, to claim him as yours. You’re wanting to make him feel good, to make him feel as if he’s floating among the clouds. And it’s already working, you can tell from the happy sighs escaping his lips with every gentle suck of your own. You begin travelling lower and lower with each touch of your lips, no longer marking him.

“You’re beautiful,” you whisper against his skin, and his face warms at the praise. Your lips don’t stop until they reach the waistband of his underwear, being blocked from kissing any more of him. Your slide your fingers under the edge of the clothing, looking up at him to make sure he’s okay with this. He nods slowly, almost pleadingly, and you smile at him. Just as slowly as you removed his sweatpants, you do the same with his underwear, watching the way his cock finally springs free from the confines of his clothes.

You lower your head again, and he watches the way you press kisses along his v-line. Normally he wouldn’t have the patience for this, he’d be begging you to touch him. But it’s you. And he could wait for hours and hours if he had to for you to finally touch him.

“You’re being such a good boy for me, so patient,” you mumble just loud enough for Changbin to hear you. Your eyes connect with his, and you smile at the way his eyes light up at the praise. “I think that earns you a treat.”

Another kiss, this time to the tip of his dick, and the way he sucks in a breath of air at the feeling is now one of your favourite sounds. But you know that his moans will sound even better. And you’re right, your ears finally being blessed with the sound of one of his moans when you finally take him into your mouth. You don’t take him all the way, just focusing your efforts on the head, but he doesn’t care how much of him you take. He’s just grateful that you’re even doing this, and if he wasn’t pinching himself right now, then he’d be sure that he’s dreaming. It feels too good, too heavenly to be real. But it is real.

You bob your head, movements slow, sensual, your tongue swirling around the head of his cock, running along his slit. It’s divine, the taste of his precum hitting your tastebuds. It’s not normally a flavour you seek out, but right now you can think of nothing better. You look up, wide eyes looking into Changbin’s as you continue, movements never speeding up. You watch the way his hands clutch at the bedspread, trying to find something he can grip to keep himself grounded. He wants to get lost in the pleasure, but not too lost that he misses anything you’re doing.

You bring one of your hands up, linking your fingers together with his. His grip on your hand is tight, secure, and you know that this is the moment to do it. You take him all the way in, somehow managing to not gag in the process. His back arches, another moan escaping him. It’s still quiet, but he doesn’t have to be loud. You bob your head a few more times before pulling away, not wanting to get him too close to the edge just yet. You want to make him cum, but not in your mouth. You want to fuck him first. It’s not until you’re wiping the runaway spit from your chin that you finally register the throbbing between your own legs. But you’re distracted from that again when Changbin asks for yet another kiss. And who are you to say no?

You kiss him, sliding your tongue into his mouth to dance with his own. He groans at the taste of himself, absolutely loving it. You stand up, ridding yourself of your underwear before straddling Changbin again. You take him into your hand, not wanting him to go too long without pleasure. You line him up with your entrance, your dripping essence too much to ignore any longer.

The stretch stings as you slowly slide down onto his cock, and you know you should’ve done more to prep yourself. But you can’t bring yourself to care, especially with the way Changbin sighs so happily at finally being inside your walls. Tight, warm, it’s pure heaven as he fills you to the brim. You remain still for a moment, giving yourself time to adjust to his size. And not once does he complain. Not once does he ask you to move, too busy just letting himself feel you. Letting himself feel the way you clench around him, the way you completely envelop him.

“You’re so big, Binnie.”

Another nickname. Another nickname that makes him feel good. And the praise. He absolutely loves it.

You slowly lift your hips and drop back down just as slowly. Fast bounces are fun, they feel good, but nothing beats the sensuality of slow movements, of sweet, gentle sex. You set a slow pace, one that lets you both feel everything. You grab Changbin’s wrists, bringing his hands up and placing them on your breasts. He’s quick to swipe his thumbs over your nipples, rubbing over the perked nubs as your hips keep moving, bouncing and grinding unhurriedly. His head drops back, the pleasure he’s feeling making him unable to keep his eyes open. He tells himself that if something happened right now and he died, then he would die a happy man.

It feels so good, and he can already feel himself gradually approaching his release, and you can tell from the slight shaking of his thighs and the way his breathing picks up. You bring one of your hands to your clit, wanting to get yourself closer to that edge of ultimate pleasure. You rub languid circles against the bud, making you clench tighter around Changbin’s cock. His moans increase, not in volume but in frequency and pitch, and the sound is music to your ears. A song you could listen to forever.

“I-I’m gonna cum,” Changbin says, his voice breathy. You lean down closer to him, whispering into his ear.

“You can cum in me.” You clench as you say the words, and that tips him over the edge, causing him to spill inside your walls. You bounce once, twice more before you cum as well, burying your face into the crook of his neck. You continue to grind against him, riding out your highs until the both of you come back down.

The room is filled with heavy breathing, and it’s several minutes before you climb off of Changbin. Your legs are jelly when you stand up, tired from riding him, but you don’t mind. You could deal with wobbly legs every day if it meant you got to make him feel good. You get dressed again, telling Changbin you’re going to go get you both a glass of water before doing just that. By the time you come back with the glasses, he’s redressed as well, sitting on the bed. He takes the one you hold out for him, gulping down the water.

“You’re welcome to stay the night, if you want,” you say before an awkward silence can fill the room. “It’s getting kinda late and that way I can help you with the case in the morning, seeing as that’s the whole reason you showed up.”

If sleeping with you was Changbin’s first mistake of the night, agreeing to stay was his second. Not that he regrets either choice, but he’s not sure exactly what it is that makes him say yes to staying overnight. Maybe it’s the way he feels about you, or maybe it’s just that he really does need advice on the case and it’s easier to stay than come back the next day. At least, the latter is what he keeps telling himself is the reason.

You offer him your bed, and you hope he accepts, but instead, he opts to sleep on the couch, not wanting to intrude on your already generous hospitality. And so, that’s what he does. He sleeps on the couch. You give him your cuddliest blanket to keep him warm, and one of your nicer pillows, wanting him at least to be as comfortable as possible. He finds the gesture sweet, and he smiles warmly at you before bidding you a good night. You sleep alone, but you’re comforted by the knowledge that he doesn’t regret what happened. At least, not enough to leave.

When Changbin awakes in the morning, it’s to the smell of pancakes wafting from the kitchen. He smiles at the aroma before eventually opening his eyes. He spots the files on the coffee table and is immediately reminded of what transpired the previous night. He can hear you humming a tune while you cook, and it only serves to further broaden his already wide smile.

He sits up, quickly stretching his tired body before standing. He walks towards the kitchen, leaning against a wall to quietly watch you as you gently dance around as you cook. There’s something he loves about seeing you like this, seeing you in your natural being, not being confined by the expectations of a professional work environment. Just watching you, he can tell that he really likes you, even more than he did before. He wouldn’t say it’s love, he doesn’t know you quite well enough for that yet, but maybe someday he can work up the courage to confess his feelings to you. Not today, but definitely someday. You spin around, jumping slightly when greeted with the sight of Changbin, his hair still dishevelled from sleep.

“Good morning,” you greet, a bright smile lighting up your face. “I hope you’re hungry.”

“I am.”

“Good, because you’re pancakes are…” you pause, grabbing one more pancake from the pan before sliding it onto one of the two plates, both already containing a stack each, “done. I don’t know what toppings you like, so I just grabbed out all the ones that I have, and figured I’d let you decorate your pancakes until your heart’s content.”

You hand him the plate as you finish speaking, gesturing to the other bench upon which sits numerous different toppings. There’s a small bag of mixed berries, chocolate, caramel and maple syrup, whipped cream, and even a tub of vanilla ice cream. He weighs up his options before coming to a decision, placing two extra-large scoops of ice cream on his pancakes along with a generous drizzle of chocolate syrup. He looks around for some cutlery, hoping to find some without having to go searching too far. But he’s out of luck, unable to see any anywhere on the kitchen bench.

“Knives and forks?” he asks, waiting for you to tell him which draw they’re in without having to go searching on his own.

“On the table,” you reply, pointing to the dining table where there's two places that have been set.

“Ah, which seat’s yours?” he asks, walking towards the table, plate of pancakes in hand.

“Either one, I’m not too fussed.”

With a nod of his head, Changbin chooses a seat and sits down, waiting patiently for you to put toppings on your own pancakes and also take a seat. Only when you start to eat does Changbin do the same. You both have idle chit-chat over breakfast, the small conversation flowing easily. The pancakes are delicious, and he’s sure to tell you that multiple times.

Once you both finish, Changbin offers to do the dishes as his thank you for making breakfast. You tell him he doesn’t have to, that you can just get to them later on in the day, but he insists, telling you it’s the least he can do after your kindness to him. Truth be told, you don’t like doing dishes, so it doesn’t take too much for him to persuade you into letting him do them for you.

You stay sitting at the table while he scrubs the dishes, watching his arm muscles as he does so. You can’t help but think to yourself that he truly is beautiful, a sculpture carved by the best of the best. He’s magnificent. You shake yourself from your wandering thoughts, reminding yourself that there’s a reason he stayed the night.

“You still wanting help with that case?”

“Yes, please. It’s due so soon and I’m sure I won’t meet the deadline without some help. So, if you’re willing to help then I will absolutely accept it.”

“Of course, once you’ve finished with those dishes then we can pick up where we left off last night,” you say, smiling softly. You can tell his mind goes straight back to the events that happened the night before because of the way his ears go red. It’s adorable, how just the thought of what happened has him flustered. He clears his throat, nodding quickly at your words and continuing to clean the dishes.

Once they’re done and dried, you both walk back over to the coffee table, each taking a seat on the couch. You gather some of the scattered files, sorting them out tidily. Changbin watches you move, happy to finally be getting some much-needed advice from his favourite co-worker.

#stray kids smut #skz smut #changbin smut #seo changbin smut #skz changbin smut #stray kids changbin smut

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leviaju · 4 years ago

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forgiveness

pairing: belphegor x GN! reader, hints of everyone x reader

words: 8.1k+

genre: angst, fluff at the beginning and a bit at the end if u squint

warnings: mentions of mc and lilith’s death, foul language

preview: “I’m sorry,” He begins, voice much weaker than anticipated. “I know that will never cut it, and it will never be enough, but I’m sorry.”

“You’re right, Belphegor. It won’t cut it.”

hey guys what up. so... i’ve done a lot of thinking about belphegor’s dynamic with MC, and, like many others, was really bothered by the sudden switch after... he killed them. u know. typical stuff. i wanted to fill in the gaps!!! if im being completely honest, this has sat in my wips for.... like half a year. it’s my first time writing for obey me, so i hope that everyone’s not too terribly ooc LOL

anyways yeah. i mention how belphegor killed mc a couple of times, so proceed with caution! hopefully, if i get any ideas, the next stuff i write will be a lot lighter. hope you enjoy! (also requests r open soooooooo)

The weight on your chest crushed your rib cage, threatening to snap your bones like they were nothing more than twigs. All you could see was the pitch black of eternal night, and whether your eyes were opened or closed you couldn’t tell. What commanded your attention was the searing pain in your lungs, growing exponentially every half-second, and the unrelenting grip that was slowly shattering your esophagus. No matter how hard you struggled, squirmed and fought against the weight holding your body down, there was no use. It was pointless. The pain spread from the raging fire in your lungs to the tips of your fingertips, and everywhere felt as if you had been set aflame. Slowly, a light illuminated the force keeping you down.

You couldn’t make out much, save for the cackle that rang insufferably through your ears, and the intense eyes that were staring you down.

They held no remorse.

Bones ache as you rest against your bed, finally allowing the tension in your muscles to melt away. You’d never mistake this feeling for regret of a busy day, having spent so much time with the people you care about, but it certainly took its toll on you.

It began with Satan, who’d asked you the night before to accompany him on an early morning walk. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence — he’d invite you to join his morning routine on every day off, and you’d never refuse — hence, at the wonderful time of 7:00am, you were venturing around the Devildom, hand in hand with the Avatar of Wrath. The two of you would walk, occasionally resting on a park bench for longer than either of you would like to admit, for about an hour and a half before you took an official break. The time was filled with pleasant chatter and comfortable silence. Every so often he’d squeeze your hand, and when you’d look over, the fondest of smiles crossed his face. It was a reminder of how glad he was that you joined him.

At around 8:30, he took you into a café for breakfast, and two of you spent only about thirty minutes there chattering away happily. For the most part, he was vividly and excitedly discussing a book he’d just finished the night before…

Until you were interrupted.

“Hello, lovely!” Asmodeus wrapped his arms around you from behind, just before pressing a kiss on your cheek. Satan sighed, resting his head in his hand as he watched the interaction.

“My selfish older brother’s been hogging you all morning, I couldn’t help but want to whisk you away!”

Despite the glare Satan was sending his way, Asmodeus took a seat next to you, happily engaging in conversation as he completely ignored his brother. He told you that the mall was opening in about an hour, and Asmo desperately wished to get his perfectly-manicured hands on a new makeup product being revealed that day.

“But of course I can’t go alone! How positively dreary that would be.” His fingers twined with yours as he looked at you hopefully, and you ran your thumb across his hand. A sheepish smile crept its way onto your lips, and you looked over at Satan. He simply nodded, flicking his hand as a gesture for you two to leave, and Asmodeus didn’t hesitate. He was quick to stand and pull you with them, holding tight to you as he whisked you away. You called out to Satan, now alone at the table with a reluctant smile on his face as he waved goodbye.

“Thanks for breakfast! Get home safe!”

You almost missed the chuckle that left his lips, the café door closing behind you.

Asmodeus kept you until noon. He got a hold of the lipstick he wanted almost right away, but insisted on buying an outfit to match the colour. Regardless of what you’d initially thought, the outfit wasn’t for him.

“Oh, we’ll look positively stunning together!” He exclaimed after about two hours of forcing you in and out of changing rooms, putting his hands all over you to “adjust the clothing” as he deemed necessary. Near the end, you could feel soreness deep in your muscles creeping in from such an active morning, but Asmodeus’ cheery face and constant flirtations helped you forget about it almost completely.

It wasn’t until you got home that you truly felt the effects of on-and-off walking since early in the morning. Be that as it may, your stomach was growling, loudly reminding you that it was now past lunch. As much as you wished to give up on food for the time being and instead head to your room to collapse, the pain in your belly was enough to urge you to cease any arguments, instead ready to try and ignore the ache in your bones in order to quell the angry rumbling of your stomach.

Unfortunately, when you finally made it to the kitchen, there was no food prepared. Instead, what you found was a dejected Beelzebub, frowning softly as he once again was at the receiving end of a lecture from the eldest of his brothers. As quiet as possible, you snuck into the kitchen, trying to listen in on their conversation.

There was silence, followed by a sigh.

“It’s easier to simply ask what’s going on as opposed to trying to eavesdrop, MC.”

You jumped, then bashfully made your way into the kitchen, a sheepish grin on your face. Lucifer was rubbing his temple.

“Beelzebub was supposed to be on lunch duty, but ended up ‘taste-testing’ to the extent that he ate it all. Again.” Lucifer sighed. The typically perfect eldest brother was being run ragged, if the bags forming under his eyes told you anything. “So, instead of working on the papers I have to get finished for tonight, I’m stuck making lunch while he cleans up.”

Beelzebub’s frown tugged at your heartstrings, and in spite of the exhaustion clawing relentlessly at your bones, you relented.

“Why don’t I help? Four hands are better than two,” you proposed, and a small smile graced Lucifer’s face. He lifted his hand to brush the disheveled black hair out of his face, and your chest ached just a bit at the sight. You made a mental note to drag him to bed for a nap the next time you saw him like this.

“That would be more than welcome. Please, if you may.” Already you turned to start working, but Lucifer’s voice made you pause.

“But no feeding Beel. He’s eaten more than his fill already, he can wait until we’re all done.”

Needless to say, every so often you’d slip Beelzebub a piece of chopped vegetable or cooked meat, and he’d very happily (but quietly!) munch away, his expression radiating warmth and joy. And Lucifer, who seemed to almost be omniscient at times, never once mentioned it. Once the three of you were done cooking, Lucifer placed his hand on your head, patting you gently.

“Good work, MC. I must leave now, but I trust that the two of you will be able to clean everything up. Your help was much appreciated. You will be paid back in kind for all of your hard work.”

If nothing else, the slight blush on Lucifer’s face as he ever-so-gently pressed his lips to the crown of your head was more than enough payment.

“Thank you.” Beelzebub cleared his throat, washing the dishes as you dried them. “I… Thanks for helping. And feeding me.”

His smile warmed your heart, and you nodded, bumping your arm with his gently. The small bit of pink that dusted his cheeks compelled you to coddle him, but you resisted the urge. Barely.

“Anytime, big guy.”

After you ate lunch, the only thought in your mind was the prospect of curling up under your covers and passing out. The fretful, broken sleep the night before wasn’t helping at all in keeping you awake, and that on top of the rest of the day’s events had you yearning for the feeling of your pillows.

Unfortunately, you hadn’t even made it through the door when your phone began to blow up, one notification after the other in quick succession.

GGKKJFLFJG

CMOE QUIC K

PLS

SUPE R RARE EVENT IN MONONONOKE

PELASE

YOU HVE TO BE PARTNERED WIHT SOMEONE TO GTE THE PRIZE

PL E A S E

HURRYHURRYHURRYHURRYHURRYHHHUUURRRRRYYYYYYYYYYY

You found yourself in Leviathan’s room, sat in his lap as he explained the event to you. Your half-asleep brain did its best to keep up with his quick speech, but that, along with the warmth of his chest against your back, became the most soothing lullaby.

“Hey! Normie! I agreed to let you sit here so I could easily help you through the event, but if you’re going to fall asleep on me, I’m pushing you off—“

“I’m awake! I’m awake.

...Now, what was I supposed to do?”

The unintentional giggle that escaped your lips at his expression caused Leviathan to huff, exasperated, despite the flush of his face. Diligently, however, he thoroughly explained the event, for the second time, and the method to obtain the rare prize: a level 2000 I’m Going To Murder You So Hard That You’ll Come Back To Life Just To Die Again Death Sycthe, the strongest weapon ever released in the game. It was a partner event, which explained Leviathan’s desperate and urgent request for aid. You didn’t mind though. While yes, you’d probably never be able to get to his level of gamer, you were more than happy to go along for the ride. It made him happy!

Leviathan rested his chin against your shoulder as he played on his phone, focused to such a degree that the usually easy-to-fluster demon was completely unphased by your proximity. Your phone, set to AutoFight, rested untouched near Leviathan’s leg, abandoned on the floor. You watched him expertly take out enemies that would have one-hit KO’d you through heavy eyelids, and every time he beat a wave of enemies, his attention would momentarily avert from the screen, looking at you from the corner of his eye expectantly. A kiss on his cheek was more than enough to motivate him to continue on, albeit with a pink glow on his cheeks until his attention was once again completely wrapped up in the game at his fingertips.

“Levi! I said open up, goddamnit!”

The pounding against the door was enough to distract Leviathan from his game, subsequently killing his character in the process. He groaned, cursing the demon who interrupted the two of you as he gently lifted you off of his lap, before getting up to open the door.

“The hell do you want?!”

To be completely honest, you were so wrapped up in watching Leviathan play his games that you had forgotten about your weekly movie night with Mammon, who had come over to his younger brother’s room to drag your ungrateful ass back to your own. Leviathan had cleared the event in Mononoke Land hours ago, but not wanting you to leave just yet, invited you to keep watching him play. Setting aside how tired you were, how could you say no? You’d wanted to spend time with him, too.

Unfortunately, you lost track of time, and your phone, battery completely drained from the event, rested uselessly in your pocket. A consequence of this happened to be missing the countless messages and calls Mammon had sent your way, before he began his hunt for you throughout the house. The last place he checked was, of course, Leviathan’s room.

“Come on, human, I ain’t got all day. No one keeps the Great Mammon waiting!”

“Except for MC,” you heard Leviathan mumble under his breath, and a laugh escaped you before you had the chance to slap a hand over your mouth. Mammon flushed deeply, before striding into his brother’s room.

“Hey, wait, you moron! I never said—!”

The force of Mammon throwing you over your shoulder wasn’t enough to hurt, but it certainly was enough to leave you breathless for a moment. “Let’s go, fragile human. I picked the perfect movie already.” Mammon’s words came out in a bashful mumble, but he had enough courage to lift his head and smirk at Leviathan as he carried you out of the room. All you could do was smile apologetically at the blue haired demon before Mammon turned, bringing you out of sight.

Mammon was all complaints as he carried you to your bedroom, but you knew it came from a place of love. Even though he’d never admit it, you could tell he was hurt by you unintentionally ignoring him. Because of this, instead of demanding he let you down, you allowed him to hold you like this, not a single complaint leaving your lips.

When he brought you to your room, you were set on the bed you’d missed dearly and he went to put the movie in the player.

“Hey! No sleepin’ on me, alright? I wanna watch the movie with ya, and I can’t if you’re passed out, now can I?”

And so here you are now, bed frame creaking as Mammon climbs onto the mattress. Rubbing your eyes, you nod, and lean into him once he gets close enough for you to.

“Seriously, I’m gonna hafta have a serious talk with Levi,” Mammon grumbles, slipping his arm around your waist and pulling you in so that you’re almost in his lap. He pulls the blankets over the two of you as you rest your head on his chest, and hum quietly in return. “He used up all your energy, and now we won’t be able to get to enjoy the movie as much! Honestly…”

The vibrations of Mammon’s words can be felt through his chest, and you simply cuddle into him more and try to train your bleary eyes on the television screen. The Avatar of Greed shuts up completely when you take his hand in yours and press a gentle kiss to it, before doing your best to focus on the movie. As time passes, however, the idea of giving into your whims grows more than tempting, and oh-so-easy for you to do.

“Hey! Yo, MC! Seriously… You’re hopeless.”

A chiding, yet gentle voice draws you from the confines of rest. You puff air from your nose in response, cuddling closer to whatever it was that had been so comfortable in the first place.

“MC… Come on. Ya gotta wake up, ya didn’t even watch any of the movie! It was really good, y’know.”

Mammon’s hand rubs circles on your back as you mumble incoherently, a noise to acknowledge the fact that he‘s been talking, and that you are indeed awake now.

It takes a good amount of time, as well as some gentle encouragement from Mammon, to get you to finally open your heavy eyes, and even longer for you to be able to apologize to him for missing out on the movie he was so excited to watch. He pouts a bit, but the blush on the highs of his cheeks lets you know that he didn’t mind all that much. You smile and yawn, and his chuckle resonates in your ears.

“I gotta go now, otherwise Lucifer’s gonna kill me for staying so late. Sorry I woke ya up, but ya look so tired now that you’ll probably fall back asleep right away.”

And so, after a quick goodbye and a kiss on the cheek (which made Mammon turn the prettiest shade of red), you close your door and… sigh. If you had been able to stay asleep, the fact that you aren’t in pajamas and haven't brushed your teeth wouldn't be that much of an issue. Now that you‘re slightly more conscious, however, it’s hard to convince yourself to simply climb back into bed. Your breath is bugging you a bit, and the jeans you’re wearing certainly aren’t at all as comfortable as your pajama pants. For that reason, to your own dismay, you begin getting ready for bed — properly this time.

A small “finally…” tumbles from your lips after you finish your nighttime routine. Lacking any form of grace, you plop into bed once more and pull the blankets to your chin, nuzzling into the pillow. Your bed still smells like Mammon’s cologne, and you hum softly to yourself before closing your eyes and waiting for sleep to take over once more, and hold you hostage until late in the morning.

Alas, sleep seemed to be evading you now, similar to how you had ignored it during the day. The mattress you lay on simply isn't comfortable anymore, and the blankets that hug your body cause you to overheat. Unfortunately, if even one limb is out of the blanket, you get so cold you start shivering. None of your typical sleeping positions are anywhere near as effective as they typically are, and you’re left to wrestle with sleep alone, hoping to beat it into submission so you can finally get some proper rest.

After about 45 minutes of tossing and turning with no results, you finally relent. The nap you’d taken while watching the movie royally fucked you over, and you groan. Eventually you decide to give up on trying to fall back asleep, and huff as you sit properly on your bed.

Blanket dragging behind you as it drapes from your shoulders, you slowly make your way through the silent hallways of the House of Lamentation. The only sounds floating through the walls were the light buzz of electricity running through the wiring of the house, and your own footsteps as you began walking up one of the many staircases in the large building.

You aren’t sure how long you’ve been walking, the passage of time different at night to a hazy mind, but eventually you arrive at your favourite area in the house, second only to your lush bedroom. There are no artificial lights, only the gentle cast of the night sky providing the ideas of shape in the planetarium. You’ve never seen stars so vibrant and bright, and there are so many more in the Devildom than anywhere you could go back home. Even though the only light comes from the stars, it’s enough to create soft, fuzzy edges around everything in the room; this includes the bundle of various blankets mussed in the centre of the floor. Slowly, cautiously, you make your way towards the pile.

Since you’d arrived in the Devildom, the planetarium at the top of the House of Lamentation became your safe haven. Your room, without a lock on the door, was way too easy for intruding demons to enter without permission, and on nights when everything became too much for you to handle, you’d head up to the planetarium to clear your mind. There’s just something so calming about a starry sky on a clear night that releases you of your fears and anxiety, and helps you get a grip on the situation around you.

After freeing a certain someone from their attic-based captivity, however, you learned that the planetarium was a place favored not only by you. Since he’d been freed, you’d been kind, but there were still fears plaguing your mind, reminding you of everything that has transpired between the two of you. It’s something that you can’t escape, following you even - especially - in your sleep, when you wished you’d be the most at peace. It makes sense, considering the sin he embodies, but you wish it wasn’t like that nonetheless.

Once you’d learned that this was one of his favourite rooms in the house, especially on nights when he can’t fall asleep, you found yourself avoiding this area. It’s not that you hate him; it’s the opposite, really. Nevertheless, you can’t help but feel the tightening of his fingers around your neck, and the burning sensation in your lungs that’s screaming for oxygen, and the desperation to alleviate the seer of deprivation.

Still, you trek on. Closer and closer to the pile of blankets, your gut cries to you to run away. You ignore it. The nearer you get to the nest of blankets, the faster your heart beats, the more lightheaded you feel. But you continue.

Eventually you get close enough to make out the shape of a familiar pillow, the cow print on the case worn and well-loved. From the moment you walked in the room, you knew he was here. All the same, you walk on, and the only sounds in the room are the gentle taps of your clothed feet against the tile, and the quiet noises of your quickened breaths.

You’ve avoided being alone with him since… Since you… Since the event. Your heart screamed at you to forgive him, to love him just as much as you love his brothers. That said, there’s nothing in you that can stop your stomach from churning whenever he gets too close.

Butterflies beat aggressively within your heart and stomach, and it’s years before you get within his range of sight, but you sit down on the floor, holding the blanket tight to your body.

There’s one beat,

two beats,

three beats of silence before you can hear him sucking in a breath through his teeth. In your peripheral you can see his lips parting, closing, parting again as he tries to find the words. He heard you walk in, and was pleasantly surprised when you didn’t immediately bolt in the opposite direction. However, this proximity leaves him with an entirely new predicament. He wants to talk to you, he wants to laugh and joke with you the way his brothers do, but one look at your face and he notices the dark bags under your eyes, and the frown that tugs at your lips as you stare up at the stars. He can hear your heart racing, and feel his own in the tips of his fingers. He opens his mouth again, but the crack in his voice betrays his usual collected personality.

“I’ll go,” Belphegor begins, begrudgingly starting to gather his blankets. His body freezes when his eyes pass over your figure and you’re looking right at him, through him, and he swears he can feel the blood in his veins stop pumping. Your expression is unreadable, almost scary, and he’s never in his life been in fear of a human until this moment.

The seconds pass as years do, both of your bodies chilled to the bone but neither of you able to look away. In the end, the one who casts their gaze somewhere else is you, and he exhales loudly.

“Don’t.”

Your reply is simple, but he’s stuck in place. Slowly, he nods, sitting down again the way he had been prior, and pulling his beloved pillow close to his chest. He can’t breathe, the tension suffocating. It doesn’t help that now you refuse to look at him.

“... If you want,” he replies dumbly, staring at the floor. He feels trapped in place, afraid to move and scare you off. Despite every nerve in his body screaming at him to leave you be, he stays. You told him to, after all. Slowly, you sit down, his blankets creating a low wall between the two of you.

It’s only now that he gets a good look at you. You're tired, he knows, watching as your eyelids droop and your lazy movements when you get more comfortable under your blanket, but there’s more to it than just that. You seem so fragile, like sugar glass, breaking with even the slightest amount of pressure. He feels he can reach over and shatter you with the gentlest of touches, and that thought alone roots him in place. Since you came back, he’s never seen you without a smile. Your genuine smile was the prettiest, he decided rather early on, one that lights up your face and brightens those around you. Belphegor really, truly loves your smile.

He knows there was a point in time, not long ago, where he could have made it so no one saw it ever again. He can’t help but be grateful he didn’t succeed when he sees you smiling at his brothers.

That’s never the smile you show him though. It’s not for lack of effort; you certainly try, and he loves you for that. But the smile you show him is always plastered on, and he knows you’re doing it for his sake. With Belphegor, your smile never reaches your eyes. Be that as it may, you’re never weak around him. Fake smiles prove exactly how strong you really are, but your heart races every time he enters the room. As much as he wishes your palpitations are out of excitement, he knows better than to give himself false hope.

That’s why he’s so taken aback when he looks you over and you seem so vulnerable. Never, not in a million years, would he ever let himself believe that you’d allow yourself to look weak in front of him, not after what he did. Even so, here you are, shaking, knees drawn into your chest, and his heart soars because you’re showing him a new side to yourself. It aches at the knowledge that you’re feeling so vulnerable because of him.

His eyes burn holes in the side of your head. You know he’s watching you, studying you, but you can’t bring yourself to meet his gaze. Not when the hands he uses to pull the blankets over his body are the exact same ones that led you to your untimely and violent demise, and not when every time you look at his face, you can also see Mammon’s above you, sobbing as he tries to will you not to fade away into nothingness.

There’s no putting it nicely. You were murdered, and Belphegor was the one who killed you. As much as he tries to pretend it never happened, to act around you the same as his older brothers do, you would never forget. Neither would he, regardless of the effort he puts into pushing the memory out of his mind. His chosen way of coping was to laugh with you, to get close and have you forgive him without acknowledging the situation. It was too painful to talk about, after all. He willingly, happily snuffed out the life of someone his brothers love, and someone he’d find himself loving too. You became someone who changed him, helped him grow and be better. It was easier, simpler to act as if you’d met him the same way you’d met any of his brothers.

Belphegor killed one of the last remaining parts of his past, a part that, while once warm and light, mutated and infected him, causing his anger to grow out of control, like a weed that suffocates any flower that tries to flourish. He killed a descendant of his sister, and the fact that you’re here now is more of a second chance than he thinks he could ever deserve in all his millenia of living.

And yet, here you are. Scared and shaking, but here. The silence has stretched on for longer than he’d like; he wants to be able to love you, openly and happily, but knows it won’t happen. It can’t, unless he does what he thought was the very last thing he’d do.

“I’m sorry,” Belphegor begins, voice much weaker than anticipated. He can hear your heartbeat pick up, and he curses himself mentally. Your lip between your teeth, you remain silent. His nerves force him to speak more.

“I know that will never cut, and it will never be enough, but I’m sorry.”

There’s more silence. He feels like he can’t breathe, the tense atmosphere forcing its way around his throat and tightening its grip. He doesn’t know how long it takes you to even contemplate replying, let alone allow yourself to respond. Belphegor’s ears ring almost deafeningly loud. He can’t take it.

“You’re right.”

His eyes, which he trained to the ground, dart up to your profile once more. You pause, wetting your lips.

“You’re right, Belphegor. It won’t cut it.”

There’s not enough time to process your words before he really, really looks at you. Almost fearlessly, you meet his eyes.

Almost fearlessly.

The shaking of your hands betrays the strength of your voice. Belphegor’s chest aches.

“But…”

There’s a pause as you speak. He can’t look away again, even as your eyes meet the stars once more. There’s no chance he’ll miss a word you say, even if it tears him apart.

“It’s… it’s really difficult. I know you know that, but…”

Each time you pause, Belphegor’s mind begins storming. He can’t figure out what you’re going to say, or how you’re going to react, and it drives him crazy. He’s usually so good at reading people, but you’re an enigma. It sends a chill down his spine.

His throat is caught. Even if he had words to say, they wouldn’t be able to come out. So he sits in silence as you find your own.

“I don’t want you to feel worse than you do.” You lick your lips. “Or maybe I do? I… I really don’t know. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about you, Belphie.”

The nickname tugs at his heart, more than he could ever admit. He wants to cry, wants to scream, wants to do anything other than look at your melancholy face, knowing he’s the problem. He wants to run and hide, to sleep forever. He can’t, though. Not when you’re here. Not now.

Knuckles turn white as he clutches desperately onto his pillow. His breath shakes as he draws in air.

“I want to love you. I want to love you as much as I love your brothers, and care about you as much as I care for them…”

You struggle to find the words.

“... But it’s hard.”

You curse your lack of eloquence. Now, of all times, when your words are the only thing that enable you to communicate how you truly feel, they fail you. This might be your only chance to ever properly show Belphegor how you feel, what makes you so conflicted every time he walks into the room with a smile on his face, and yet all you can say is “it’s hard”. Obviously.

A breath finds its way into your lungs, and the sound of your lips parting in the otherwise silent planetarium echoes in your ears.

You continue.

“It’s hard because every time I see your face, or I hear your voice, or I-”, you falter, heart catching in your throat, “or you touch me, I can’t help but be reminded of what happened.”

Belphegor doesn’t dare tear his eyes away from your form. The grief that settles into his face perfectly matches your own, eyebrows upturned and bottom lip quivering just the slightest bit. Even the trembling of your hands is replicated in his own. He’s never seen you like this, so incredibly vulnerable, and it tears him apart inside to know that he is the cause of it.

A shuddery breath comes from Belphegor, and you fight your instincts to check if he’s okay. You know he isn’t.

The silence deafens you, thundering in your ears so harshly that you're tempted to place your hands at the side of your head to muffle how quiet it is. You don’t, however, and whether it’s because you don’t want to look crazy, or because you’re afraid you might shatter if you move, you’ll never know. Do you want him to talk? Do you want him to say anything? Do you want an apology?

If you had an answer for that, you’re sure that things would have patched themselves up much quicker than this. You caution a glance at Belphegor, and the weight pressing down on your chest gets heavier at his expression. It feels almost as if you can inhale the guilt he feels, the emotion radiating off of him in waves.

“I… Logically, Belphie, I get it.” Again with that cursed nickname. Usually, hearing it from your lips makes Belphegor feel warm and goddamn near giddy, but now it only seemed to drive the knife in his gut further.

“I understand what happened and why you did it. I may not agree… but I get it, you know?” You swallow.

“In the end, I’m still here. And… and I’ve come to learn that you’re nothing like that anymore. You’ve grown, and changed, and the guilt and anger that consumed you took control, and that's why you-- that’s--”

You pause, clutching the blanket around you to try and ground yourself. The shakiness in your voice is not missed by Belphegor, and even if it had been, there’s no way he’d be able to ignore the tears that threaten to spill from your eyes. Slowly, subconsciously, one of your hands comes up to rest against your neck, a phantom of the grasp that once threatened to crush you.

“S-So… I understand why you did it. And I’m alive, and we’re friends, so it should all be okay, right?” Belphegor casts his glance away.

“But Belphie… as much as I want to forgive you, I also know that I’m never going to be able to forget what happened. It’s there in my dreams, and it’s there in your smile, and it’s there every single time your arm brushes mine and I flinch like a total loser.”

A weak chuckle makes its way out of your chest, and the halfhearted smile that follows forces a tear from your eye. You’re quick to wipe it away, hopefully quick enough so that it goes unnoticed by Belphegor.

It does.

What he does notice, however, is the frustration that holds tight to the edges of your sentences. The frustration is not directed at him, no. You would be yelling if that were the case, and maybe that would be easier for him to hear. No, this frustration is directed at yourself. You’ve been trying so hard, and all Belphegor has been doing is running away. His teeth dig so hard into his bottom lip, trying desperately not to show any anger he feels at himself, that he tastes iron.

“And then we became all buddy-buddy, you know? Like I was never lied to, or used, or manipulated, or-- or--”

Belphegor is torn from his self-pity when you continue, and he almost wishes you’d stop speaking. The thought that you might break him with your words has him shaking, and a feeling similar to fear courses heavily through his veins. Please, stop. He wants to go back to running away.

But you continue, as you always have.

“And I’m left not knowing how to feel. I’m so mad at myself for being such a coward and not being able to just get over it like everyone else, and I’m so fucking pissed that I can’t just exist around you like I do for everyone else. I mean, I used to be terrified of Lucifer, too.” Another fragile laugh, and you sweep the hair from your eyes with a shaky hand. Belphegor swallows hard.

“But I… I can’t pretend like nothing happened. As much as I want to be near you, and hug you, and take naps and play pranks on Luci with you… I can’t. I can’t act as if what I feel isn’t real, and what you did didn’t happen. It’s so hard, Belphegor.” You sigh, and finally look at him once more. He can’t meet your gaze, slumped over himself and hugging his pillow so tight to his chest it seems as if he wishes to disappear into it. “Especially because I really, truly want to understand why everyone loves you so much. And I want to love you, too. I want to know why Beel smiles every time you’re brought up in conversation, and I want to smile just the same. But… But right now, I can’t.”

Talking has gotten easier. The words that used to escape you have become accustomed to being used again, and confidence has restored in your gut. You sit a bit straighter as you watch Belphegor carefully, a sad smile lifting your cheeks.

Belphegor knows that this is when he should swoop in, say something so intellectual that you’re caught off guard, and he can save you from… himself. This knowledge does nothing to save him from himself. He can’t even open his mouth to mime a sentence, let alone actually speak. The thought of how pathetic he must look settles under Belphegor’s skin, and he can feel his irritation rising. Not at you though, never at you. Not even when… When it all happened. His anger was misplaced, but he has never been angry at you.

Finally, when the quiet becomes too much, he forces himself to meet your gaze. The way you look at him, just as vulnerable and bare and scared as he is… he feels safe. He knows, even though your words sear his heart, that you never mean to hurt him, especially now. You’re being honest, and simply expect the same from him.

Belphegor inhales a deep breath, before willing himself to speak.

“I thought--” he croaks, and quickly clears his throat. Fuck. “I thought that if… if I could pretend that nothing happened, then I wouldn’t have to face any consequences.”

He curses audibly. Just how pathetic can he sound? Belphegor’s voice is hoarse and quivering, and weak. “Weak” is never a word that he would have used to describe himself, but now it echoes hauntingly against the confines of his skull. One of the most powerful demons in existence, and he finds himself quaking before a mere human. He cares for you, though, and he cares for you viciously. Something in Belphegor knows that he’s never going to be able to prove that to you unless he pushes his way through this.

So he forces himself to continue, even with every cell in his body desperately screaming at him to stop.

“I did what I did out of a place of guilt… and regret. I couldn’t stand the fact that it was because of me, that it was my fault, that I’m the reason that Lilith--”

Belphegor stumbles over his own words, and he sets down his pillow before he accidentally tears a hole through it. Instead he braces himself on the cool floor, in need of something steady to hold onto. This whole conversation shook him to the core. He can hardly believe he’s talking about his sister. She’s a topic that he’s avoided even around Beelzebub…

But if Belphegor ever wants even the possibility that you’ll forgive him, he knows he has to. Everything is on the line. His blunt nails press against the tiles and he focuses on steadying his voice.

“I couldn’t accept that it was my fault.” A newfound steadiness weaves its way around his words, and he finds himself sitting a bit straighter. “I’m the one who introduced her to the human world, and kept bringing her back. I’m the reason she suffered, and why the war started, and why we fell, and why she…” Belphegor coughs. “In the end, I couldn’t accept that I’m the one who killed her.

Your heart yearns to tell him that no, he’s wrong, it’s not all his fault. You know it won’t help right now, though, and that it isn’t your time to speak. Settling back a bit, you let your blanket fall from your shoulders.

Belphegor’s heart stutters, and pounds so hard that he feels like it's trying to tear through his chest. Even so, he doesn’t miss the way your hand reaches out to smooth over his own, and for a moment he feels himself wanting to melt just from the simple touch.

Belphegor pulls away. He doesn’t deserve your comfort, not yet.

“So… So when you said that you’re a descendant of Lilith, I-- I couldn’t help myself. I jumped at the chance to get to know you, learn about what makes you similar and what makes you different. Her blood flows through your veins, and I was quick to ignore what I did in favour of getting to know you, and… and inevitably, becoming just as fond of you as my brothers… but that can’t erase what I did.”

The feeling of understanding floods you and you find yourself nodding at his words. To be completely honest, even now, you’re scared. Your heart beats for many reasons, fear one of them, but you don’t run away. Not anymore. You couldn’t bring yourself to even if you wanted to.

Your hand, abandoned next to Belphegor’s, lay dormant. The need to comfort wills you to once again place your hand on his, but you don’t move. When he’s ready, if he ever is, you’ll be there.

Just as he’ll be there for you.

“I killed you, MC. And in doing that, I killed Lilith. Again.”

Countless emotions storm their way through Belphegor’s conscience, despair clawing at his throat, regret snapping his back, and guilt slowly crushing him under its weight. How is it that one can feel so empty, and yet so filled to the brim with misery?

“And not only that, but if I succeeded… I would have completely missed out on getting to know you, and caring about you as much as I do now. It would have been a loss that I never would have understood, but know for a fact that I would have felt. Even… Even when I was proud,” he spits out the word as if it’s poison, “of what I’d done, watching my brothers’ hearts break at the sight of your body… Even then, I felt it. The ache. It’s so fucking stupid.”

His tone, now bubbling with anger, stills you. It’s not directed at you, and you know this, but despite yourself, you freeze. Belphegor notices, and quickly clears his throat, relaxing his shoulders. He allows your heart a moment to slow as he regains his composure, and you find yourself breathing again.

“I know that me saying sorry is never going to cut it.” Belphegor turns his body to fully face you. He’s no longer running from his feelings, or from you. He knows he can’t anymore. Hesitantly, he lifts his trembling hand to place over yours. The muscles in your fingers tense, and he pauses to gauge your reaction. When you slowly nod your head once, he delicately places his hand on yours, using his thumb to gently begin massaging the tension away. “And I know that even if I do everything right from here on out, that there’s a chance that you won’t ever forgive me. And I understand why.”

Your heart sinks at his expression, his gaze locked on your joined hands. As aloof as he normally is, you can see none of that on his face now. When you turn over your hand he quickly pulls away, but your shaky movements to bring his hand back and intertwine your fingers urges him to go on.

“But I want to try. And really try this time. I want you to be honest with how you feel, whether I’m frustrating you or scaring you or anything like that, and… and I want to be honest with you too. I…”

Belphegor trails off, but you squeeze his hand. He draws in a slow breath.

“No matter what happens, no matter how you feel, we’re stuck together for the next few months. I want to spend that time getting to know you, and I want us to be as close as you are with any of my brothers… but I also want you to know that you shouldn’t feel forced. If it’s ever too much, I need you to tell me, and I promise I’ll back off.”

The smallest of smiles makes its way onto your face as you quietly agree. Belphegor doesn’t allow himself to try and figure out if it's genuine, out of pity, or sadness, but in spite of everything, it makes him feel a bit lighter. Just a bit.

“This won’t fix everything right away,” you say, and he now knows that your smile is a combination of the three. Along with this, though, Belphegor also knows the small sparkle in your eyes is hope, and he’s willing to take that hope and nurture it for however long he must.

“I know,” he sighs, but even he can feel the small tilt of a smile on his face, “but I’m willing to take as much time as you need to decide how you feel about me. And… And if you decide you hate me, which is fair, and that you never want to even be in the same room as me, I’ll respect your wishes.

Until then...Until you decide that you really, truly hate me, I won’t stop trying.”

There’s no way of telling how long his words linger in the air around the two of you, circling around your heads and making their way through your body. Even so, Belphegor diligently watches you, wanting to make sure he’s not overstepping his bounds. He even contemplates letting go of you, but is reassured when slowly, almost unnoticeably, you begin smoothing out the lines on the back of his hand with your thumb.

As much as you want to tell him that you could never hate him, you also know you can’t promise anything. Still, for now, just as much as him, you’re willing to try. You stay in silence, more comfortable than you’ve ever been in his presence, gently caressing the hand held in your own.

Eventually, Belphegor clears his throat once more. The vulnerability has made him tense and rendered his voice weak.

“Can… can you hug me?” He all but whispers, fragility making his body quiver once more. He was completely open about his feelings for the first time in a lifetime, and the intensity of it left him craving affection. He knows how unfair this is to you, but he can’t help himself. He wishes to be held, for his fears to be quelled by someone so much stronger than him. “If you don’t want to,” he falters, speaking quickly, insecurely, “I won't even touch you. I-If you do, I promise I can keep my hands behind my back, and I won’t even--”

His words end abruptly as he feels you release his hand, and his heart sinks. He debates running away again, until he hears you moving towards him, and he finds he’s frozen in place. Slowly, but surely, with more courage circulating through your veins than you’ve had all night, you make your way over the blankets that divide you and position yourself right next to Belphegor, pulling him into your chest. Even now, he can feel how quickly, persistently your heart races, and yet you stay. True to his word, Belphegor rests his hands on the ground behind his back, but he doesn’t stop himself from nuzzling into your chest… and he cries. The complete, uninhibited release of his emotions hit him like a truck, and he sobs heavily into you, tears slowly but surely staining your shirt. You adjust yourself so you can hold him closer, slowly and reassuringly rubbing his back as he lets go of everything he’s been holding on to for longer than you can even imagine. This is a man who’s run from his emotions for centuries, and the fact that he’s willing to face them for your sake comforts you, cradles your heart and presses gentle kisses against the cracks. You know that you’re not going to wake up tomorrow with everything okay, but for now… for now you’re comfortable with his touch. Heaving in a deep, steadying breath, you reach down just enough to take Belphegor’s arms, and guide them to rest his hands on your hips. At this silent permission, he slowly, delicately wraps his arms around your waist, despite craving your body closer, wanting to hold you tight and never let go. He cradles you like you’re made of the most brittle glass, and you smile. The gesture touches your heart, and… and you feel safe. You know that all he wants to do is embrace you as tight as he can, but he doesn’t, even with permission.

Here, in Belphegor’s arms, you feel safe. Here, where Belphegor’s grip on you is so gentle that it wouldn’t even crumple paper, you feel loved. As he cries into your chest, holding you as if you were an antique, hope slowly fills your heart.

Everything is far from perfect, but it’s still on the right track, here in the quiet planetarium.

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deanzboyfriend · 4 years ago

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Boss Dad™️

[Not edited]

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Summary: We love when you have an overprotective dad that just so happens to also be your boyfriend’s boss

Pairing: Hotch x son!reader, Spencer Reid x male!reader, Jemily

Requested by anon: “Hi, I wanted to know if you could do a Dr. Reid x male reader, where the reader is Hotch’s son, and his father became kinda overprotective since his mother was killed (Idk if it’s right, my English is not that good)”

⚠Warnings⚠ Slight angst, Spence fluff, overprotective dad! Hotch, Spence comforts reader, bad writing, spoilers, I think that’s all

a/n: this is my first x male reader, and I loved writing this, so thank you anon. Also, apologies if the spacing gets weird, I wrote this in my notes and just copied and pasted lol.

All of Y/N’s life, he’s had certain...troubles in his relationships. It’s not that he has any trouble finding partners, no, it’s more of my-dad-is-an-overprotective-profiler kind of problem. Ya see he loves his dad, that’s the unquestionable thing. But his dad is, as mentioned before, very protective of his eldest son. Especially after what happened to Haley. He couldn't stand to lose another person he loved.

So he was always wary when Y/N brought someone home. Always ended in the same way. They’d get scared away by getting their secrets exposed and when they left he’d say something along the lines of, “I didn’t like them.” with nothing else.

Now after a certain point, Y/N got tired of trying to reason with his dad. So he just gave up on dating. Until he met a certain Doctor Spencer Reid.

Spencer was a light in his life. The person he never knew he’d been dreaming of. Spencer filled in every empty feeling Y/N ever had. They were quite a pair.

Y/N was studying social sciences and psychology, so he had quite a bit on his plate, and Spencer was out on cases a lot. So the number of official dates they had was slim, but their love for each other wasn’t any different. Hotch had only recently discovered their relationship. And boy was he not happy. He tried to not express it or take it out on YN, but Y/N knows Hotch better than anyone. He could tell it was eating at him, and he wasn’t sure what to do.

“I should visit dad at the BAU. He didn’t bring a lunch anyway so I might as well bring him something...plus I get to surprise Spence.” Y/N mumbled, smiling to himself at the thought. He had a couple of days off school, so he decided to spend them with Jack and his dad. ”He did mention today was a paperwork day, so I shouldn't have to worry about him being out of town.” He said to himself as he grabbed his keys.

One drive to the BAU later, Y/N gets out of his car and makes his way to the entrance. He goes in and pulls out his visitor’s pass that he received from his dad. The security team there knew him pretty well, he visited a lot when he had free days. “Heya Mark, how are the kids?” Y/N asked as he waited for his bag to be checked. “Oh! Andrea got the lead in the school’s play, and she wanted me to thank you for helping her rehearse her lines. Micah is doing just fine, he enjoys soccer practice.” Y/N smiled as he grabbed his bag. “Be sure to tell me about any of Andrea’s performances or Micah’s games!”

“Will do!”

Y/N laughed as he walked towards the elevator. He presses the button for floor six and takes a breath as the elevator ascends. He finally reached the correct floor, and couldn't help but smile as he strolled towards the bullpen, where he immediately sighted Emily. ”Y/N! My favorite Hotchner! How have you been?”

”Oh please Emily we all know that Jack is the favorite Hotchner.” Y/N chuckled and hugged her. ”I’ve been alright, but school is kicking my ass, as usual. How are you and JJ?” Emily smiles warmly at his question. ”Amazing. We just finished unpacking the rest of JJ’s boxes yesterday. She’s officially moved in!”

”I’m so happy for you guys! Anyway, is my dad in his office?” Emily glanced towards Hotch’s door. ”Yep! Where else would he be?” The two laughed together before Y/N said his goodbye and started his trek to his dad's office. He knocked on the door and opened it after hearing a small ”come in” from the other side. Aaron looked up from the file he was working on to see who was at the door. ”Y/N? What're you doing here?” Y/N closed the door. ”Well, I did come here to see you, but I also brought you the lunch you probably didn't realize you left.” Y/N walked over and put the food on Aaron’s desk. The door opened again, and this time, it was Spencer.

“Hey Hotch, I had a question about- Y/N?” Spencer examined him in surprise, not anticipating him to be in his dad’s office. ”Heya Spence.” Y/N grinned, walking to him and engulfing him in a hug. Hotch couldn't help but slightly grimace at the exchange. Y/N saw this, making him wither a bit. Spencer noticed. ”Um- Spence- why don't you meet me in the break room and we can talk a bit over a cup of coffee, yeah?” Spencer pulled away from him, looked into his eyes, gave his hand a small squeeze, and walked out.

Y/N let out a sigh. ”Y/N. You know how I feel about this. You know how our work is- it's dangerous-” Y/N cut him off to finish the statement. ”- because it can compel the unsubs to come after me to get to him. I know.” Y/N looked over at his dad. “Which is exactly why-“

“No, dad.” Aaron was taken aback. “Is that the only reason you don’t like me being with Spencer? Dad, just me being your son puts me in danger. Being friends with the whole BAU team puts me at risk. No, that’s not the real reason, because if that were the case, you would’ve never shown me to the team at all.” Y/N stood his ground, holding in his pending tears as he tried to stay calm. ”Spencer makes me feel safe. He takes care of me. The only reason you don't want us to be a thing is that you're scared that I'll leave and what happened to mom will repeat itself!” Y/N took a shaky breath in, storming out the door with tears running down his face. He knew he went too far, but right now all he needed was Spencer.

Y/N hurried his way to the break room to avoid being seen by anyone in the bullpen. Y/N strolled into the break room, where Spencer had just finished making them both coffee. Spencer looked over to him and his smile immediately turned into a look of worry. ”Y/N what’s-” He was cut off by the strong hug that was given to him. He instantly returned the embrace, gently rubbing Y/N’s back and giving him a forehead kiss as a form of comfort. Y/N eventually settled down and moved back from Spencer a bit. ”Can we- you think you can afford to postpone your paperwork for a bit babe? I kinda just- I need to talk about this with you.” Spencer moved some hair out of Y/N’s face. He pecked his lips and gently grabbed Y/N’s hand. ”Ok, my love.”

-Meanwhile, in the office of big boss dad-

Hotch did not expect that to say the least. He knew Y/N would be upset, but he didn't think he would have lashed out as he did. When he watched Y/N slam the door on him, the weight of what was said hit him. Y/N thought he didn’t trust him? Thought that he didn’t want him to be happy? That’s the opposite of what he wanted. He wanted nothing but the best for his oldest son. He had to think to himself for a while. Was he doing the right thing? Or was he just trying to keep history from repeating itself?

“I was too hard on him...he’s a grown adult, he can make his own decisions.” Hotch thought out loud. He sighed.

He needed to talk with Y/N. Hotch walked out of his office, surprising everyone in the bullpen, as he rarely came out of his office on a paperwork day. He made his way to the break room and was about to say something when he heard Y/N talking.

”Spence I just- I don't know what to do. I don't know why he's so hesitant to let us be a thing I mean- I wouldn't be as upset if it were anyone else but- it's you. He knows you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me- especially after- especially after what happened to mom. I just- I don't want to lose you.” Hotch heard it all. He watched as Spencer easily calmed him down. He saw the love as the two looked at each other. He knew he was mistaken. He had to fix it.

-6:30 pm, Hotchner household-

Aaron returns from work, take-out food in his hands. As soon as he sets the bags on the dinner table, Jack comes running. ”Daddy!” Aaron smiles as he scoops up his son into his arms. Y/N walks towards the table and looks at his dad. ”Hey Jack, why don't you go play in your room for a few more minutes while Y/N and I set up the food ok?” Aaron set jack back down on the floor and ruffled his hair. ”Ok!” Jack ran upstairs, leaving Aaron and Y/N alone.

”Y/N I-” ”Dad I-” They both started. Aaron sighed and made eye contact with Y/N. ”Listen, dad, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get so mad at you, and I know I went too far with what I said about mom. I know you have your reasons and-” ”Y/N. It's ok. Aaron cut him off, putting a hand on his shoulder. ”I know that I've been hard on you when it comes to you dating- especially after Haley...but I realized this today. First of all, you're a grown man now. I should let you date who you want to. I trust you, and I know that you can take care of yourself. And another thing, I realized how good Spencer is for you. While I shouldn't have been spying on you two, I saw how comfortable and safe you felt with him. I saw love between the two of you. I would never wish to be the reason you are kept from your happiness. So, you have every right to stay with him.”

Y/N had tears in his eyes. ”You mean it?” He asked. ”Yes, completely.” Y/N got closer and tightly hugged his dad. ”Thank you...” He mumbled into his dad’s shirt.

They sat there for a bit, just comfortably embracing one another. ”Who knew big scary boss dad could be so soft?” Y/N remarked, getting a laugh from both of them. ”Anyway, let's get the food set up for real before Jack comes back.”

That night, Y/N texted Spencer, saying all was well.

#x male reader #x male!reader #Criminal Minds #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds x male reader #x son! Reader #x son reader #Hotch x reader #Spencer Reid x male!reader #Spencer Reid x reader #Spencer Reid x male reader #Jemily #Spencer Reid #Aaron Hotchner #fluff #Joey’s fics

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weelittleweasley · 4 years ago

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will you still love me tomorrow? (b.w.)

prompt: saying goodbye to bill was like saying goodbye to your whole world. but before he leaves for egypt, there is one last thing you need to ask him.

pairing: bill weasley x fem! reader

warnings: 18+ sexual content minors do not interact, fingering, female receiving oral, unprotected sex, language, soft smut

word count: 3.1k

taglist: @rosaliepostsstuff @harrysweasleys @gcdric @lumos-barnes @whizboingies @lumosandnoxwriting @pxroxide-prinxcesss @c-t-h @lol-idk-oops @another-lonely-heart-blog @starlightweasley @parseltongueswriting @shilohpug @peachypotter @spacexcowgirl @paintballkid711 @vogueweasley @gryffindcrghost @wand3ringr0s3

The sounds of the shower filled the room as you stood underneath the hot water, letting the water hit your hair and cascade down your body as you lazily dragged the bar of soap over your skin. The steam of the shower fogged your vision like your thoughts fogged your mind. You were too consumed with them to be focusing on your shower routine. You didn’t know how long you had been standing under the hot water, too occupied with your own qualms and curiosities. But however long it was, it was enough to make your fingers shrivel up with wrinkles.

With a sigh, you turn off the water and immediately regret the decision, the cold air hitting your body as you peel back the shower curtain. Goosebumps erupt all over your skin as you grab the towel that rests of the bathroom counter, wrapping it tightly around your body with shivering teeth. You step out of the shower and look at yourself in the mirror, saturated with water as the fluffy gray towel clings onto your wet skin. Your eyes are clouded with too many emotions to find just one to describe them.

Another ten minutes in the bathroom and your hair is dry and comfortable pajamas replace the gray towel. You brush fingers through your hair with a sigh before opening the door and starting to walk down the hallway of the Burrow, dragging your feet as you walk. Normally, this was your favorite part of the day. Walking down the hall to cuddle up next to Bill as the two of you debriefed the day and talked about the next day or the future. Daydreaming with Bill was the best part of the day. But much to your dismay, this would be the last time for a while.

Slowly, you pushed the door open to Bill’s room to find him laying on his bed, sprawled out, as his luggage laid next him. He just stared at the clothes that were sprawled out around him, not knowing what to pack to an adventure such as this one. Even though Bill talked about how stressed he was for the journey, there was always a smile on his lips and wonder in his eyes when he spoke of going to Egypt for his job. Bill loved what he did and it was quite evident that this was dream job. Who were you to stand in the way of the dream?

“Don’t forget to pack socks,” you tease him as he looks up at you, standing in the door frame, smiling softly at him. Bill lets out a light chuckle before you step farther into the room, closing the door behind you as you press your back against it. “I can’t believe you’re leaving tomorrow,” you breathe out, trying not to sound too sad.

But you fail and Bill gives you a sad smile, flopping his long legs over the bed, so he sits facing you. He pats his lap with one hand, signaling for you to come to him. The small gesture makes your heart skip a beat before you walk over to him, standing between his legs, his hands finding your hips, giving them a gentle squeeze as you look down at him, placing a kiss on his forehead. Bill pulls you closer to him as you straddle his lap, now at eye level with him, staring into his deep eyes. “My darling,” he sighs as you cup his face with both of your hands, memorizing every inch of his handsome face. It would be a while before you saw it again. “We’re going to make this work. I swear on it,” he whispers to you as if he didn’t want anyone to hear your conversation even though you were in the privacy of his bedroom. “I’ll come back to England every once in a while and you can always visit me. Plus...my offer still stands...” he trails off, giving you a look as you sigh.

Bill had originally proposed that you move to Egypt with him. He insisted that you could find a job there and you two could live without miles and miles of distance between you two. The thought was exciting, you had to admit. Moving to a completely different country, different continent at that, and starting a new life with Bill. It was a dream. But the thought of leaving your family and friends behind made your stomach do a flip. Not to mention, you already had your dream job here in London. Leaving all of that behind just seemed like too much. It was a difficult decision, but it was one you knew you had to make. “You know I can’t,” you sigh as Bill shakes his head, knowing that he knew that answer already. “There won’t be a day that goes by where I won’t miss you,” you admit to him as he gives you a sad smile before kissing your lips softly as if they were made of glass. Bill was so gentle with you; as if he moved too quickly or touched you too hard, you would shatter under his touch. You would miss that dearly.

“There won’t be a minute that goes by where I won’t miss you,” Bill tops you as you smile. He lays back on the bed as you scoot over next to him, resting your head on your hand, so you can watch his face as he speaks. As he speaks of what he has let to pack, you can’t help but tune out his words and focus on the way his face looks in this moment. Bill Weasley would be the death of you with those eyes that spoke a thousand words. The light of love rested in his eyes as he spoke to you, brushing your cheek with the back of his hand. “What are you thinking about?” he speaks before placing a kiss on your chin. You place another kiss on his lips as he smiles before kissing you again. You’d take every touch you could get.

You were excited for Bill, starting this new chapter of his life, but for selfish reasons, you didn’t want him to go. Besides, the fact that the love of your life would be miles away, you feared that he would find someone else. That this new chapter of his life meant new love. Bill notices the look of worry in your eyes as he cups your cheek in his hand, pulling your face closer to his, foreheads pressed against to each other. His eyes stare into yours, compelling you to come clean with him. “Will you still love me tomorrow?” you ask him with complete sincerity in your voice.

When the words fall off your parted lips, Bill is in shock. His brows furrow, creating creases in his face that scream with confusion. What kind of question was that? Bill sits up straight now, giving you his complete and undivided attention. “What do you mean? I will love you tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and all the days after,” he tells you with every inch of honesty he can pull from each cell of his body. He couldn’t be more serious with every word he spoke to you. However, the worry doesn’t falter out of your body. Bill sighs, “Love, this is going to be hard for the both of us, but I need you to know that you’re the only one. Now and forever.”

Sitting up to face Bill, you take his hands in yours, feeling how his fingers were calloused and harsh underneath your soft skin. A sensation you grew to love. You press your palms together, pushing your fingers against his with a deep inhalation. “I’d like to know that your love is love I can be sure of,” you speak softly before peering at Bill, your heart thumping against your chest as he gives you a soft smile. The look in his eyes was enough to answer your question, but you still waited for an answer. “So tell me now, and I won’t ask again. Will you still love me tomorrow?” you repeat.

Bill scoots closer to you and with a happy smile on his lips, sighs out a light chuckle. There was a certain magic in his sigh that made you want to believe every word that fell from his lips. “(Y/N),” he breathes. “This love...the love I have for you...is a lasting treasure. Not for a moment does it dwindle,” he shakes his head as you smile, chest alleviated from worries. “And I don’t need to keep telling you that because I know you know that I would go to the ends of the Earth to make you happy,” he tells you, kissing the tip of your nose. “So, short answer, yes. I will.”

You giggle at his answer and wrap your arms around his neck. Bill chuckles before pressing your lips together, kissing you slowly, enough to make you feel faint and weak in the knees. If you weren’t already sitting, you would have fallen. Bill’s kiss is tender and sweet, but tonight was your last night for months. Tonight, you wanted to be memorable. Pulling away gently, you mumble against his lips, “Bill?” He hums in response before kissing you agains, this time deeper, his hands sliding around your waist, pulling you in closer. You moan into his kiss, melting into his touch. There was no need to continue talking. The both of you knew exactly what you wanted and Bill was about to make your wish his command.

Slowly, Bill pushes you down against the mattress, lips not daring to leave yours as you wrap your legs around his torso, pushing him close to you. Bill slips his tongue past your parted lips, massaging his tongue softly and slowly against yours as you tangle your fingers in his hair, pulling softly which causes him to groan deeply against your lips. His response makes the wetness between your thighs grow as you buck them up to brush his covered pelvis. Bill grinds his hips down into yours as you moan softly, feeling his hardened erection in his boxers.

Temporarily breaking the kiss, Bill wandless-ly casts a silencing spell on the door as it locks itself. He looks down at you, brushing your cheek with his thumb as your eyes grow darker with lust. The sight of you underneath Bill’s body was enough for him to fall in love all over again. “Tonight you’re mine completely,” he speaks lowly before peeling the shirt off of your body to expose your bare chest. His lips meet yours again before they trail down your neck, down your chest, and down your stomach as you breathe deeply, closing your eyes at the sensation of soft kisses. Bill watches as you flutter your eyes closes, relishing in the feeling of his lips on your skin. He pulls his shirt over his head, leaving him in his boxers before he peels your pajama shorts off. “I want all of you. All the time. Every minute. Of every day,” he speaks in between kisses that he places all over your thighs, torso, and chest as you softly moan, biting down on your lip.

His hands takes both of your breasts, massaging them gently before he attaches his lips to where your neck meets your jawline. He sucks gently, sure to leave a dark purple bruise there the next day. Bill wanted to make sure that even after he was gone, you knew that you belonged to him. “Bill,” you breathe out, tangling your fingers in his hair and one of his hands brushed against your stomach, slithering down between your thighs, separating them.

He takes one finger and gently slides it between your folds as you gasp lightly, making him chuckle deep in his chest which only makes you want him more than before. Without further hesitation, Bill pushes his two fingers inside your wet pussy as you close your eyes and roll your head back. Slowly, he starts to pump his fingers in and out of you, him watching you the entire time as you bite down on your lip and dig your nails into his biceps. He curls his fingers inside you as you arch your back at the feeling with a string of profanities following. “My princess has a dirty little mouth,” he whispers, pumping his fingers in and out of you faster as you whimper underneath him. “Let’s hear it again, shall we?” he teases before he ducks his head down between your thighs and attaching his perfect lips to your clit, sucking down on the sensitive bud.

“Fuck, Bill,” you cry out, bucking your hips against his face as he continues to pump his fingers in and out of your aching cunt, mouth sucking on your clit. You look down to his head face buried in your pussy, red hair falling around his face as he hums against your core, making you cry out with pleasure. “Fuck, just like that, fuck,” you moan, pulling his hair as his tongue circles your clit, making you a moaning, writhing mess.

Bill places both of you legs over his shoulders, pushing his face further down onto your throbbing pussy, licking your clit, fingers curling inside of you, hitting your g-spot as you grab the sheets in fistfuls, reeling with an unbearable amount of euphoria. The sounds you make causing Bill’s erection to become unbearable as he grinds his hips against the mattress to alleviate himself, the friction against his dick making him moan out against your cunt, making you groan out his name. Hearing his name fall from your lips makes Bill fuck you with his fingers harder and faster, sucking harshly on your sensitive nub as you arch your back. “Come all over my face,” he speaks as you feel the familiar sensation in your stomach rise. He continues to relentlessly fuck your pussy with his two fingers, pushing you over the edge as his tongue swirls all over your clit, sending you over the edge and coming all over his mouth and tongue as he laps up your release.

Your chest is heaving up and down heavily as you catch your breath from your high as Bill smiles down at you before sticking his two fingers in his mouth, licking up your remaining come. The sight of him flushed from eating you out is enough to make you come again, but instead you sit up and pull his boxers down, his erection slapping his stomach as you look up at him. Bill pushes you back down onto the bed, hovering over you as you stare into his eyes, his fulled with desire, but they soften when he looks at your face. He gulps before speaking, “No more talking. It’s just you and me.”

His words make your heart soar as you nod your head before he ducks his head down and kisses you again deeply. You wrap your legs around his torso, spreading your legs open for him as he lines his hard cock against your aching core. He looks into your eyes before pushing himself into your tight pussy, walls clenching around his large member as he moans at the feeling. You inhale sharply, adjusting to his size as your walls clench around his dick. With a short nod, you give him signal to start moving his hips and he obeys, gently rocking his hips in and out of you, rolling against you as you moan out. One of Bill’s hands slides up your sides, up your arm, and laces his fingers with yours, pining it down to the mattress. He buries his face in your neck, placing love bites all over the exposed flesh, cock rocking in and out of you. The sounds of heavy breathing and moans mix in the air as Bill makes love to you, fucking you slowly and slowly, making sure to remember each stroke he makes. Each thrust makes you dig your nails deeper into his back, scratching gently as he groans out. Your heels dig into the small of his back, pushing him in deeper, hitting that all too familiar spot as you moan out his name loudly.

The sounds of your soft whimpers and moans makes Bill thrust in and out of you faster, the sounds of skin slapping mixing with his jagged breathing. Your walls clench around his dick as he groans out, profanities falling from his lips with the sound of your name, making you throw your head back in euphoria. Only you two could make the other feel like this. Tonight with words unspoken, he tells you that you are the only one. The moment is so intimate, making your head reel with how much you could love someone.

Bill bites down on your soft flesh, leaving another dark purple bruise as you arch your chest into his as he rocks his hips faster against yours. Your eyes lock on each other, lips parted as moans and heavy breath falls back them. You were close to your second orgasm and you could tell Bill was close to his climax. His thrusts were becoming uneven as you moved your hips against him, which sent you both over the edge. His eyes screwed shut as he groaned out a low fuck before quickly pulling out of you and releasing all over your stomach. You released again, waves of pleasure rushing over your body as you came down from your second high of the night.

The two of you caught your breath before Bill climbed off of you and reached over to grab the towel from his shower earlier, cleaning his come off of your stomach as you laughed gently. No words needed to be spoken as he wiped you up and pulled the sheets over your body. Bill handed you a clean shirt of his as he pulled on his boxers before joining you in the bed, pulling you close to his side as you cuddled into him. Bill pressed one, two kisses to your forehead as you sighed happily into him. Tonight was the perfect last night with Bill and you both knew to enjoy it while it lasted, rather than speak about what tomorrow would bring. You knew your heart would be broken when the night meets the morning sun, but you pushed the thought out of your head.

“I love you,” he interrupts your thoughts that swirl around your head. “I can’t wait for us to start our lives together.”

You look up at Bill with a soft grin and speak, “I love you more.” Bill kisses your swollen lips softly. The future for you and Bill was uncertain as of now, but one thing was for certain. He was in your future and you were in his.

#bill weasley #bill weasley imagine #bill weasley x reader #bill weasley x reader imagine #bill weasley x fem! reader #bill weasley x feminine! reader #bill weasley x you #bill weasley x y/n #bill weasley smut #bill weasley fic #bill weasley fanfiction #Harry Potter #harry potter fandom #harry potter fanfic #Harry Potter Smut #harry imagine

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aerois · 4 years ago

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Remarried Empress: Sovieshu Contextualized and Navier the Unreliable Narrator (SPOILERS!)

So recently I started reading Remarried Empress on WEBTOON. Honestly the whole premise wasn’t my cup of tea and I was solely reading it because it was part of an event where I could get free coins (lol). But then... I got hooked. I got invested. Started drinking in chapters whenever and wherever I could, and even now I still crave more. I wanted Navier to have some semblance of a happy ending (and, let’s be honest, I wanted to drag that precious little bitch Trashta by her fucking hair across the yard). At first it was mostly that. Raging at Trashta and her Simperor, pondering at Heinley’s true intentions, drooling over Kaufman.

And then, I noticed something odd. I noticed-- the strangest thing-- Sovieshu seemed to be... not as enamored with his mistress as meets the eye. And there was even some hinting that his feelings for Navier weren’t what we assumed.

I have to preface this: I don’t condone Sovieshu’s crappy actions. He’s an idiot, and acts very poorly as a husband. And there’s no excuse for cheating. Absolutely not! So I don’t want this post to come across like In Defense of Sovieshu, because it’s not. But I do think that our view, the reader’s view, of Sovieshu, is warped. And this is mainly because we see the story through Navier’s eyes of course, but we forget that every individual person is fallible. Every person, at some point, harbors false assumptions that color their concepts of truth and reality. Put shortly, Navier is human, and therefore is not a reliable narrator at some points. Especially concerning her husband. We see Sovieshu entirely through the eyes of his wronged wife in the webcomic. Pin that: in the webcomic. Did you know the webcomic is actually based on a mobile game? Yes, it is! And I downloaded it! And I’m playing it! And... I’m actually... hating Sovieshu less??????????

Ok, ok, put the pitchforks down! Hear me out! I’m not saying any of the stuff he did was okay! But Navier’s narration of the story paints him as this cold, detached man who grew to hate his wife so much that he flew into the arms of some hussy for warmth and then just cast his wife aside and deliberately acted like a jerk just because he wanted her to suffer. And there’s a grain of truth to that. There are points where Sovieshu feels bitter and does or says something waspish. But it’s not as black and white as you might assume. I played the mobile game, and decided to take Sovieshu’s route out of spite. I opened this app, saw it was an otome with this garbage-fire, cheating sack of shit for a romance option and thought “Hah! The nerve. Probably some semi-abusive dirtbag route aimed to appeal to girls who like men who treat them badly. You know, that mutually abusive relationship appeal that some girls like because drama.” And I needed to rack up in-game currency anyway (it’s like usual mobile games, where when you wanna make cool choices you gotta cough up cash unless you “diamond-mine” on crappy stories to save up the meager bits of free currency the app gives you for playing) so I figured I’d blast through the Sovieshu route and skip onto my darling Kaufman in playthrough 2.

And then the smoke genuinely compelling character development got me. So I could run y’all through Navier’s version of the events, but you already know that. For Sovieshu though? Here’s the kicker: this idiot has had a raging passion for his wife slowly building up for years throughout their entire lives, and only realizes it about halfway through the events of the story. This idiot, this buffon, this absolute brain-dead dolt... didn’t even realize he was pining over his own wife until he was about to explode from the desperation from it all. God, I wish I was joking. Lemme break it down for you:

Sovieshu’s POV: He and Navier are introduced as kids and are told they’ll be married someday. Life partners. They are raised in tandem to respect and care for one another. Kinda smacks of grooming (go mom and dad!) but whatever, that’s the background. These kids are mentally regarding each other as spouses their entire conscious lives. And Sovieshu, as he grows, quickly comes to realize his intended is a selfless girl who holds everything inside. The first spark of his affection for her is wrapped in this: that Sovieshu longs for Navier to take off her “perfect princess” mask and let herself be vulnerable with him. He admires her intellingence, her grace, and her devotion to her country. He looks at her and sees someone that inspires him. He craves the opportunity to comfort and protect her. He waits, and these opportunities come in small instances. But they get older, their burdens get heavier, and like most young women, Navier gets better at pretending nothing is wrong with her and putting everyone else first. Sovieshu feels more distant from her. But that desire to break through her wall still stands.

They marry, but Navier, in her infinite wisdom, makes the assumption that this marriage is entirely political (despite...the fact... that they were raised together??? they were literally best friends their entire lives??? are y’all seeing how this could be confusing for him???) and that there are absolutely no feelings involved on Sovieshu’s side. Expect there’s that little problem. That little problem. Of Navier’s absolute inability to be vulnerable. And so she starts this marriage all Elsa-Conceal-Don’t-Feel convinced that her husband (whom she is secretly in love with, shocker) holds no warmth for her because she’s never received any from him.

Now I’ll acknowledge that this is a two way street, where Sovieshu fails as well. Should Navier have made a mature decision and asked for love and support when she needed it? Yes. Should Sovieshu have offered anyway, despite not knowing that she wanted it at all? Yes. They’re both in the wrong here. They’re both too passive, too afraid.

So the first few years of their marriage pass by like this. And Navier kinda melts into more of a depressed state over it, while Sovieshu becomes frustrated. But he doesn’t know why. He hasn’t quite put his finger on the fact that HE’S IN LOVE WITH HIS WIFE, GEE WHAT A SURPRISE BUDDY. And then... the little ingenue comes in. Trashta, with her crocodile tears, oversharing of emotions, co-dependent as all get-out. You see where I’m headed, right? It’s not just that she’s the opposite of Navier that gets Sovieshu hooked. It’s that she gives him that opportunity to unburden all this pent up romantic frustration. He can comfort, and protect, and wipe away the tears of a woman who loves him... And for a while, it’s intoxicating. That itch is finally being scratched.

Or so it seems. Because sooner or later, Sovieshu realizes that this woman is not his wife. And she’s a bit clingy, and clueless, and she’s... well, she’s not his wife. She’s not his wife.

“Oh, dear God...” the idiot finally realizes. “I don’t want this hussy. I want my wife!”

Ding ding ding! You did it! And it only took you--what? 20 years? After all this time, Sovieshu (and the audience playing his route) realizes. He’s not cheating because he’s bored, or because he hates his wife, or because he’s Inherently An Asshole And That’s What Assholes Do. He’s cheating because he’s using this woman as a stand-in for his wife. He’s been looking straight through this woman and seeking his wife the entire time. He’s cheating because he’s stupid and repressed and misguided and human. And again, that doesn’t excuse it. He still cheated, and that’s something he needs to spend a life-time making up for. It’s a mistake, and a big one. But it’s not fueled by a malicious hatred or a desire to hurt her. It’s fueled by confusion and fear. And, strangely enough, a desire to perform love for his wife.

So anyway, this stupid dweeb finally wakes up and realizes that no matter how much he plays around with the Town Skank, it doesn’t slate that thirst for the woman he��s spent his life growing to love. And that he actually, truly loves her to begin with. Now at this point, Navier was away travelling, doing queenly stuff. And he gets a message from a servant-- his wife is home. This boy books it. This man throws down what he’s doing, sprints across the imperial palace, to stumble at the feet of his wife; red-faced and breathless, absolutely undone. This man is screaming for his wife on the inside and now nothing he can do will quiet it. And his wife, ever the perfect pinnacle of a monarch, just raises a perfectly manicured eyebrow at him and wonders what’s got him in such a tizzy.

This is where the difference between the narratives hits especially hard. Navier has absolutely no clue that her husband is a hair-thin thread of self-control away from all of this just completely spilling out of him. She looks at him and sees a tormentor; someone who’s treating her like a used doll. And he sees this Goddess that’s been hiding in plain sigh the whole time. He sees his sins and repents before this, his wife, his almighty Goddess. But he doesn’t know what to do. She’s still been hurt by him, Trashta is still in their lives, and damn it all, he’s still frustrated. He still feels bitter and abandoned because even after everything, even after the years of marriage, his wife just seems so unaffected by him. This is where Navier’s “perfect queen” image that she tries so hard to curate really bites her in the ass.

These two dumbasses are hopelessly in love with each other but they’re deadlocked in an endless cycle of letting their prides get in the way. Navier doesn’t want to be vulnerable. Sovieshu doesn’t want to compromise, doesn’t know how to not lash out in anger when he’s really feeling sad. Unlike Navier, he can express emotions-- but not in a heathy way. So he says something mean, does something kinda shitty. And Navier thinks it’s because he delights in her suffering. So Sovieshu’s over here in his head like a cranky little child that’s mad at mommy because she’s on the phone, and Navier is over there in her head wondering why on earth her husband can’t notice a love that she’s never actually expressed to him. And it’s just terrible. But kind of hilarious. Mostly sad and terrible. But defintely hilarious.

To further illustrate this: even a lot of Sovieshu’s actions, for that matter, get warped by Navier’s unreliable narration. WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD. THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE! In the chapter where Trashta is stabbed, Sovieshu immediately screams for guards to surround Navier. So I’ll sum up their thought processes here.

Navier: Oh my God, I can’t believe this asshole. Calling the guards? He really fuckin thinks I did this?! Jerk! Asshole! He really thinks I’d arrange for a pregnant woman to be stabbed!! He’s probably deliberately framing me too, so he can get me out of the way and live happily ever after with her!

Sovieshu: OH MY GOD, MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE COULD GET STABBED NEXT SOMEONE HELP well actually maybe she had something to do with it? nah. prolly not. but even if she did idgaf I LOVE MY WIFE, I’LL COVER FOR YOU BABY I’LL FORGIVE WHATEVER. GUARDS, FIND WHO DID THE STABBING SO THEY DON’T STAB MY PERFECT WIFE NEXT

Like I wish I was joking, but that’s how it read. Anyway, I’m not done with the comic or the game yet. But Sovieshu’s motivations aren’t all as they seem. And while he’s not a perfect husband, he has the capacity to mature, let down his pride, and make steps toward atoning to his wife. I honestly and genuinely believe this marriage could be salvageable if they could come clean with each other. A lot of people want to root for Kaufman or Heinley, and I get it. Those two would probably treat her well. But the fact stands that these two are married, and surprisingly, they both actually still hold a spark of love for one another. If Sovieshu could genuinely repent, and demonstrate this to Navier, they would attain the happy marriage with each other that they both strive for. Anyway, I find myself surprisingly hooked on the story now that I see Sovieshu’s POV. He’s not a hero in this story by any means, but I’m somehow, against my better judgement, rooting for him. I’m rooting for him to make the right choices and repair his marriage.

It’s a bold strategy, folks. Let’s see how it pays off.

#remarried empress

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spockandawe · 4 years ago

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What are your favorite chinese webnovels? What are some of the differences youve noticed between cnovels and other types of novels?

That second question is really, REALLY interesting, and I really want to answer it well, and I am REALLY sure I’m going to do a bad job of answering it, so let me just noodle about that first question for a minute while I try to think XD

I went through some of my TOP-top favorite novels in more detail yesterday, but generally speaking, mxtx and meatbun are both at the top of the pack. They’re really good at writing compelling main characters and balancing piles of angst with plenty of humor and pulling everything together into a very satisfying ending (which is something I don’t alwaysssss see, even in some of the novels I really like). After them, The Disabled Tyrant’s Pet Palm Fish (transmigration, ancient chinese prince falls in love with pet fish) and Golden Stage (ancient chinese gay arranged marriage between bitter enemies(?)) are two novels that I love a lot, which both have very cute romances and go a bit lighter on the main character suffering front, and which I broadly recommend to anyone who’s interested in the genre. They didn’t end stick the landing QUITE as hard as an svsss or tgcf, but they still were very nice.

Then, let me see. I’m trying to remember which books I’ve read in the last year, and am doing a terrible job, haha. I will say that a book I enjoyed for like... eighty percent of it and then the ending let me down terribly was The Dreamer In The Spring Boudoir (modern day career woman transmigrates into barely-fantasy ancient china novel as the disliked primary wife of a nobleman), which is also the only straight webnovel I’ve read so far. The main character and romance were delightful, but that ending... haha, wow, I felt betrayed. But I did like the first half very much!! I’m idly contemplating a deliberately-partial reread. Then I’m currently like two chapters away from catching up with the current translation of The Wife Is First (ancient chinese prince lives out time travel fixit fic, determined to treat his spouse better this time around). I’m also catching up on Heroic Death System (transmigration, across MANY universes, where the goal is to die heroically in each one, and also maybeeeee to find his boyfriend in each one. this shit gets fucking bananas. in one of them, he emotionally seduces his boyfriend while he’s a dolphin. in another one, he’s a sentient mushroom. i’m in the middle of a section titled ‘I Am An Evil Pen’. yes, like a writing utensil type of pen. this is the weirdest book I’ve read so far). Oh, and Thousand Autumns (righteous sect leader gets sabotaged and loses a fight, wakes up blind and amnesiac, demonic sect leader is like ‘lol i bet i can turn him evil’ and accidentally catches feelings along the way).

What else... I’m keeping up with (but behind on) some others. First, there’s How To Survive As A Villain (modern terminally ill CEO transmigrates into stallion novel, wakes up as villain, accidentally seduces hero). Then, we’ve got Transmigrating Into The Body Of The Heartthrob’s Cannon Fodder Childhood Friend (only modern webnovel I’ve read, young man transmigrates into beginning of gratuitous whump book, back in high school, and is determined to protect the protagonist from all the canonical suffering). Then there’s Pulling Together A Villain Reformation Strategy (guy transmigrates into story as the hero’s childhood friend who will eventually become his enemy and get killed, successfully acts out his part and dies, completely fails to realize he’s broken his friend’s heart in the process... and then wakes up in another character’s body). And then there’s The Villain’s White Lotus Halo (a transmigrator keeps bouncing from universe to universe as a cannon fodder villain, who gets like half a line before being killed. he tries to purchase an upgrade package so he can be a COOL villain instead, but accidentally gets sold a ‘white lotus halo’ package instead, so that no matter what he does, everyone is just DEEPLY moved by his appearance and is positive he did nothing wrong). All of those are EXTREMELY delightful. You may notice a running transmigration theme, which....... yeah, I think there are a TON of delightful stories in the webnovel scene that deal with this genre, which seem so rare in English language media.

Which makes a good transition point to what’s different about the cnovel scene! I’ve seen hardly any transmigration stories in English, and I’ve got a couple go-to examples for when I’m trying to explain it, but like. Only a couple. Which is such a shame! Like, there’s the default idea of ‘I was reading this book and then I woke up inside the book!!’ but it’s clearly such an established genre that people are playing with it in all kinds of interesting ways, like in The Villain’s White Lotus Halo or Heroic Death System setups. It’s kind of wild to me, because it seems like such a gimme for a nice easy story structure? Whatever kind of world you want to present, there’s no need to introduce it to the reader from the ground up, or find a good way to hook them in. Either the main character read the book in question and can explain the premise and why we should care in pov, or the main character is new to the universe too, and trying to find their own footing. I enjoy it a lot! I’ve sampled transmigration books that didn’t grab me, but I’ve sampled way more that did.

And then, the one semi-technical answer I thought of to this question was the way that these novels tend to handle pov. It’s not a hard-and-fast rule that regular novels are restricted to one pov, or that pov can only change at hard breaks in the story, but if I saw a bog-standard american novel glide from pov to pov the way these novels regularly do, I would tend to wonder if it was sloppiness or a mistake, or I would grump to myself about how I don’t like omniscient third person pov. And I still don’t know exactly what I think about this, or why it’s different in here, but I’m pretty sure I like it a lot, especially for stories where the romance tends to play a large part :V

I used to read a lot of Books About Writing, and read plenty of stuff about why you don’t DO this, but.... I like it! In dtppf, Jing-wang can’t talk, and when Li Yu is a fish, he can’t talk, and drifting from one of their perspectives to the other gives me lots of useful information about how they’re both feeling. Could that be conveyed through restricted pov? Maybe! But I’m typesetting the svsss extras right now, and I’m in the bing-ge vs bing-mei section, and we get a few brief flashes of bing-ge’s thoughts, and it’s so NICE. It’s information I would not have otherwise received, because Shen Qingqiu sure wasn’t going to notice it. But early in the story, that pov was withheld from me, which also made sense (or hua cheng’s pov was withheld from me FOREVER, which makes me so sad ;u;). There don’t seem to be any hard and fast rules, which makes me really nervous about writing fic and trying to match the style, but I do like it a lot!

And I’m definitely not able to articulate this in the way that I would like to, or speak with any real authority (I’m not that widely read in the cnovel scene, and i’m not very genre-adventurous in english), but there’s something about the role that the romances play in these stories that’s different from what I’m used to expecting, and it’s VERY tasty to me. I only rarely read romance novels, because I’m not often interested in the romance as a primary plot driver, but the romances in these books play a more substantial role than I’m used to expecting. And I’m into it! It’s a balance closer to what I’d expect from, like, a shippy longform fanfic. Which covers a lot of ground and is NOT a precise measure, but there’s more emotional weight given to the romance than I would expect, but without the romance carrying ALL of the emotional weight, and it strikes a perfect balance for me in a way I’m not used to encountering. Now, some of this could definitely be due to me not finding the right authors, or right subgenres, or whatever. But in the genres I inhabit, it’s a subtle difference, but one I find compelling.

Oh, one last thing. The cultural differences, duh :P I’m only familiar with things like, say, ancient chinese court etiquette through a lens of fan-translated novels like these, and I didn’t grow up steeped in the culture in a way I’m used to the trappings of something like medieval european courts. But there’s a distinct flavor to the social dynamics of these novels, from the formal levels down to the casual, and I know it’s super intricate and detailed and that authors play with differing degrees of historical accuracy vs fictional fun, and I wish I was better equipped to speak to the nature of any of this. But I find it really compelling! I recognize that it’s only new to ME because I didn’t seek out chinese media before now. And, the point that I originally wanted to get to before I got super distracted: the flirting. The flirting and teasing are a very different flavor from what I would expect in most english language media, and I love it, even if I can’t speak to how much of that is purely cultural, and how much of it is like... the conventions of How Fiction Is Written varying by culture, if that makes sense. I adore seeing what flirting and affection and indulgence and attentiveness look like in different settings, and these books, with their heavy romantic focus, absolutely deliver.

#spock replies #long post/#i've read more novels than i thought :p #i thought it wasn't many #but then more kept occurring to me #i've only read a few that i don't recommend period but i've read a lot of good ones #Anonymous

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nightswithkookmin · 4 years ago

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I loveeeee the way ur brain works and i like all ur posts and love reading them. Its Jimin day today and i wont lie that i am feeling a bit sad about whole JK not posting on JM bday because he was getting active on Social media again and i thought its because of JM bday coming soon but i hope they are happy and JM had a blast celebrating his bday.. it annoys me how other ship( u know which ship) is happy and making fun about this situation and calling Jikook bond fake and nonexsistant. 1/2

Ahhhhhh this topic!

Also me:

Packing my bags off these shipping streets. Jk don disgrace us. Lol. Kidding. If more than anything today has solidified my faith in JK and Jikook and while y'all are jumping ship imma hold the fort. Hashtag Jikook for life!

I've been receiving a lot of questions about this, about JK not posting for JM's birthday and I haven't answered any of them because- well I passed out. So...

Anywho,

Jk didn't post true, but have you thought about what it would have meant for him and JM if he had posted?

Now I see a lot of people running through the ship streets shouting Jikook broke up, something was off between them, Jikook was never real, jikook this- Jikook that- y'all need to calm your horses or I swear to God!

I mean I am down for all that wild gossip and angst but I think y'all is tripping.

Do I think they are in a bad place, HELL NO. Do I think they are not real? HELL NO! Do I think JK don lost his minds? ABSOLUTELY.

Lol

No but seriously, I'm fascinated by all of this. I'm in pain, can't process shit but when it comes to Jikook I'm always intrigued and fascinated by them.

I'm mostly fascinated by why JK pulled a 5/8, geared up for JM's birthday but then posts crickets on Jimin's birthday as you've said.

Is it me or does this whole thing feel like the tattoo girl scandal all over again? Lmho.

Up until now, I've avoided addressing Asks about Jikook coming out, JK proposing and stuff like that because those territories are a bit tricky for me- to speculate on those, I find I'd have to speculate on whether marriage is something both of Jikook want, whether both of Jikook want to come out but these are conversations I don't think y'all are ready for with me.

Not when I believe one of them, if you've been following my train of thoughts you'd know which, is not ready to make such commitments, joking about marriage and shit- yes, that tiny man. Lol.

I mean the backlash I get for the tamer things I share on here- chilee, y'all is about to eat me up for this. Here goes nothing. Mama pray for me.

I have said, late 2018 to the middle of 2019 is one of the moments I sincerely felt JK was going to 'out' Jikook just based on the way he was moving through that era until that impromptu hiatus and the following scandal.

Out Jikook as in OUT Jikook- I've told y'all Jikook have been asserting themselves against eachother. JK has been asserting himself and part of that self assertion ties in with his sexuality. He is tired of hiding. He's been tired since 2016- trouble this one.

Do I think JM is ready to come out- No. He doesn't want to come out but he doesn't want to hide hide either. Dude just want to stay in that glass closet.

Throughout my posts, I've speculated this has been a huge part of their on and off dynamics since November last year. Jk coming off too strong, JM asking for space- yall know don't make me repeat myself.

November 2019 up until today is also one such periods I felt JK was going to out Jikook, inspite of all the ups and downs they've experienced this season.

JK scares me to be honest with you. I keep saying people are looking at him wrong. Hell, people are looking at Jikook dynamics wrong I feel.

All the times Jikook have almost been accidentally outed, who's been the most terrified? It's not JK.

Jimin's face when RM said JK sneaks into JM's bed at night, his face when they walked into JK's room on Bon V and saw the cameras. I have an entire dissertation on this on my wall please get with it. Lol

Whatever silent protest JK's been on since JM's birthday last year- Not gonna lie, I felt JK was not posting for the others so he could post on JM's birthday this year as a way of coming out with him? You know, make a bold statement like he's done over the years? I'm delusional but also dead serious.

Each time I feel JK's come close to this pivotal moment, something's happened. I swear Jikook is taking years off my life- I'm exhausted.

Why is he trying to out their relationship on his own and not do that with the consent of Jimin? I'm gonna pray to God, y'all can read my mind with everything I have been saying since my posts because this is cutting it too close for me- and I'm exhausted so maybe another post next time.

Like I've said, I really believe they are in a good place this time around. Y'all know me, I don't shy from angst, I'd say if I felt there's been something off with them since they fixed whatever they were going through early half of the year.

The only tension I've sensed between them lately was on day two of the online concert when JM got a little too excited with trying to sell the sexual tension fantasy in his other ships and JK didn't look like he was happy about.

Later during the curtain call you could see dude cold stoning JM resulting in JM doing what he does best in such instances- clinging on to JK for their life. Lol.

He vanished from Namjoon's side real quick to take the bow next to JK but JK- Y'all check that moment out for yourself, see what I'm talking about.

Is that why he didn't wish Jimin a happy birthday? I don't think so. I think he put a lot of thought and preparation towards this moment to make something like this undo all of that- that is if my suspicions about what he was trying to do this year is right.

Jimin gone wake up married one of these days he won't know what hit him! Lmho.

It is why, I don't buy this whole he didn't post for the others which is why he didn't post for Jimin narrative. When have you known Jk to care about things like these?

The man literally got a birthday present for Jimin gave it to him in the presence of some of the members without doing same for them. Singling JM out like this is nothing new to him. He has done so consistently over the years to let this deter him.

The question y'all should be asking is why he didn't post for the others in the first place. They are all friends and posting for eachother's birthdays is a long standing tradition in BTS so why is he breaking from this culture all of a sudden?

Is he rebelling? Is he protesting? What is he trying to do? Right?

This moment has been building up since last year after JM's birthday and I honestly believed he was going to go through with it- hell I bought a wedding dress and shit- Jikook you son of bish!

I have said the company is giving them much room to be themselves, RM isn't breathing down their necks, JM looked like he was finally committed- everything looked great between them in my opinion except perhaps for the growing tensions between JK, V and Namjoon- If you've been paying any attention to their recent Twitter war.

I hate speculating based on nothing, so I'm just going to point out to you my observations without drawing conclusions- I'll share my thoughts on what these moments means when I've had more content to peruse and analyze from now- but for now you can make of it what you will:

1. JK starts a count down on Twitter, JM responds and continues the countdown.

Now I clocked, the moment JK posted this on the 5th that he had something up his sleeves with regards to Jimin which I shared with y'all. He was going for a 5/8/13 it's not news now.

2. After Jimin posts day 4 for the countdown, who ever was going to post after him was going to have to post day 3 to continue the countdown right? But Tae posts a V-cut instead breaking that chain.

Now I remember joking about this moment with a friend, rolling my eyes exclaiming, here they go again! V is trying to sabotage JK yet again, and he'd turn around and ask why their friendship is dwindling. The pettiness and passive aggressiveness of it all!

That moment reminded me of when he called JK out for attempting to eyefuck JM through the viewfinder in the Dynamite MV reaction video. Remember that? Same energy to me.

They do shit like this and their shippers will not take note but will turn around and act surprised when we say Taekook ain't all that- rolling my eyes.

3. Hobi continues the countdown with day 3 and RM posts something random the next day but I think it was to neutralize the Taekook shenanigans. Neutralizing is what RM does best- we been knew.

4. Jk posts his Savage Love cover on the 8th and equally doesn't partake in the countdown he himself initiated because- Savage.

5. Suga posts day 2. RM and Jin posts day 1 and Tae posts D-Day on the D day to promote the concert. Yadda yadda yadda.

Now I didn't think much of this moment to be honest- i merely took a mental note of it for future reference, and was paying close attention to their interactions at the concert- which we will talk about soon..

I didn't make much of this bit until VJoonKook became a hold out on Jimin's birthday. They were the last three to post, two of whom ended up not posting at all for Jimin"s birthday- fucking traitors.

It was at this point I felt compelled to put on my tinfoil hat. And reevaluate the situation.

Why were these three people the same trio engaged in that little squabble just a few days ago on the timeline? I wondered.

It felt as if Taekook were engaged in a Russian Roulette racing the clock while Joonie stood by waiting to neutralize whatever shit those two were going to pull on the timeline.

Call me delusional but I felt JK was going to post, Tae was going to try to one up him with a ridiculous post or counter his post- V and his fucking VMin agenda! Lmho

RM was going to end up mirroring whatever JK was going to post to neutralize it as per usual- leave me alone. I said I'm delusional. Let me be. Lol.

There's just a lot going on all at once and it's easy to lose sight of subtle moments like these when they happen.

Like Jimin saying he would be on VLive soon, which first of all- yay!

Y'all know I've been keeping my eyes on the app, most especially how the members are going to use it post IPO, post Soop- I have a lot of questions; will they be monitored like they were in May? Will they be able to have intimate interactions with the fans like before?

Y'all know my theory about Jikook and the VLive stuff so I'll leave it there.

Now as for what this moment here means, I think it's a humbling experience for all of us but mostly for Jimin-JK you sonova bish! Lol

Jimin is the one who loves to flex his bond and relationship with JK, he loves to show off their relationship. He is the one who's been called all sorts of names under the sun just because of his relationship with JK- even if they are friends.

None of the members have suffered and paid a price for their relationship with JK the way Jimin has throughout the years. It is why I hate it when people compare the others to him. Even if it placates you and lessens your insecurities please don't.

I'm not pressed about no ship wars. Hell, I often start one myself- what? fun.

I'm worried for Jimin mostly.

I think JK more than anyone knows how this looks. Which is why I really don't think this is what he was aiming for all along. To make Jimin look this way- again not to say JM is better than the others he didn't post for.

I don't know what's going on with JK now but I am not about to tell you this moment is nothing. It is not nothing.

I know people want to console themselves with the whole my partner don't gotta show off on social media on my birthday to show he loves me- please shut up. Or may be don't. Y'all con shippers confound me.

This is Jikook here, showing is an integral part of their dynamics. Isn't that why people call them a fanservice ship? Because they show so much? Because they do so much?

Jikook like to show off their bond, they like claiming eachother, they like reassuring eachother and I'm sorry but Park Jimin's father set such high standards for his son's birthday for anyone who claim they love him to pull stunts like this. Do y'all know Jikook at all?! I have to ask.

Jimin loves to be treated like he is different and special. It's his love language. We know this, BTS knows this, JK knows this- don't make excuses for JK if at the very least you can't see what he was trying to do here.

Even if you don't think they are a couple they are best friends- at the bare minimum. It doesn't take more than a few seconds to login and wish a friend a happy birthday- Hobi made four and he is not dating Jimin. Just saying.

You can't yell Jikook show us a lot hence there's no need for wild theories and assumptions and bully people who come up with wild theories and then in the same breath say they don't have to openly show us they care about eachother for them to be real- Y'all are going to ship by faith now? Chileee.

I have said JK likes to retract and conceal and only shows what he chooses to show and this was his choice. It's as simple as that. He chose not to post.

He didn't do it because of no damn other members.

He occupies a huge space in JMs life to not know what this moment says about him and his highly publicized relationship with Jimin- chileee, whatever did park Jimin do to you, JK?! Jesus Christ!

Havent heard of a betrayal this grand since the birth of Judas Iscariot- Judas is that you? Lmho.

I joke but I don't find this funny at all. Bless them.

It's one thing to not post for the others, but it's different for Jimin. And this is not to say the others don't matter to JK, they do. He's called them all family but then again he hasn't placed any one of them on a pedestal the way he's placed Jimin on a pedestal now has he? So we cannot assume Jimin means the same to him as the others mean to him.

Isn't that why we ship them?

Personally, I'm hurt by all of this. It hurts me that some people are going to use this as an excuse to tease and bully Jimin, call him a liar, call into question the years of friendship between Jikook, call into question any future interactions between them- I don cried my eyes out all day for Jimin but also for JK.

It hurts that I have to defend JK and Jikook to anyone. The task wasn't easy before all of this- not that anybody sent me. Who died and made me their spokesperson. Chileee

But please let's not dismiss this moment or belittle it. It's monumental- to me anyway.

JK was on to something I'm just curious to know what stopped him this time around. I want to know if he plans on not posting at all for anyone in the future. How long is he going to keep at it?

He's tried to out them twice. Will he do it again? How is he going to do it? What is Jimin going to do if indeed this is what JK had been planning, how is this going to affect their dynamics- I'm excited for their journey however it goes.

It's their journey unauthored. I'm just here to observe and report- and may uWu while I'm at it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, we gotta ask ourselves, had JK posted anything at all today knowing full well he hasn't posted at all for anyone in the group all year, that what would that have meant for their relationship? What message would that have sent?

While we lament about this moment, let's also take a minute to ponder over what this moment might have signified if JK had actually posted.

Everything he did in the days leading up to Jimin's birthday pointed to the fact he was definitely going to post. To me it felt he was gonna come out. He was. And if he had done it- my god!

JK isn't my favorite person right about now. He can go ahead and step on leggos. No kithes for him🙄

But I have faith in him. Always. He's consistently shown and proven his love and loyalty for Jimin through out the years. You don't nibble on a man's ear in front of sixty thousand people, to find posting a simple message on his birthday tedious. This is Jikook. If it feels wrong, it is wrong.

I wish I could tell yall, this moment means nothing, that JK not posting is not a big deal but I can't. This moment is everything.

Signed,

GOLDY

#jikook #jikook theories #kookmin analysis #jikook analysis #kookmin #jikooktheories #kookmintheories #jikook is real #ask goldy #ask response #ask about jikook #goldy #nightswithkookmin #jikook scenarios

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imagitory · 4 years ago

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Favorite twst boys?

Oooohoohoo, you wish me to talk about my Night Raven College baes? Let’s see then...

Ace Trappola ~ Okay, so I should admit right off the bat that I have a huge soft spot for the Heartslabyul dorm in particular. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll are one of my favorite things ever, and so most adaptations of those works tend to give me some amount of glee, even the really flawed ones. But for Ace specifically, it took me a little while to warm up to him, given that he can be a real prat, but once he and Deuce really rallied around Yuu (especially when they dropped everything on their winter break and took the bus all the way back to school during the Scarabia incident to try to rescue them and Grim -- MY HEART!!!), I fully adopted Ace as my second trash son and that was that. I also loved Ace’s development in the Ghost Bride story line, as well as his admittedly harsh, but still rather fair tear-down of Riddle immediately pre-Overblot. Ace can be really harsh sometimes, but that also makes him an incredibly honest sort who won’t take anyone else’s bull and won’t let anyone push him around -- yet at the same time, he’s also lighthearted enough that he never takes himself too seriously. In some ways he kind of reminds me of Jounouchi Katsuya from Yu-Gi-Oh!, and that’s definitely a compliment.

Deuce Spade ~ MY ORIGINAL TRASH SON. I loved Deuce pretty much from the get-go, considering how passionate he was about trying to fix the mistake with the chandelier and how adorable he was casting the only magic he could manage (“COME FORTH, CAULDRON!” XDD). Then there was the whole “chick” incident where we not only saw his delinquent side which he tries so desperately to hide on full display for the first time, but we also got to see how much he truly loves his mom and how friggin’ stupid and yet absolutely sincere he is, and I just fell in love with Deuce even more. The Wish Upon a Star event where we learn Deuce wants to basically be this world’s equivalent of a sheriff after having been such a delinquent in his younger years only made me feel all the more for this guy -- him wanting to be so much better than he was even if he’s not the smartest, strongest, or most talented guy around I find so compelling and likable.

Riddle Rosehearts ~ Yeah, I know, a lot of Heartslabyul love, but like with Ace, it took me a LONG while to warm up to Riddle. I thought he was a total jerk and I wanted nothing more than to give him a good telling-off (“go ahead, use that stupid collar on me -- I don’t have magic for you to block, you bullying prat!”) until Ace got around to punching Riddle in the face and then tearing him a verbal new one for me. It honestly took Riddle’s Overblotting for me to feel the least bit sorry for him, but it was how sincerely he acted after the fact in trying to make up for his mistakes that really softened my heart to him. Riddle has lived his whole life following rules and convention to the letter, and it’s made him miserable, so now that he’s come to grips with the fact that he doesn’t need to be miserable in order to live an upstanding life, he’s softened a bit. Even with this, though, that rule-abiding, upstanding attitude isn’t always hard to shake, and I think it makes for a much more balanced outcome than if Riddle just went hog-wild and stopped caring about everything -- because the whole reason Riddle followed the rules so closely is he wanted to do what was best for all and to be the best he could be, too. His motivation for being so strict came from a deep passion for leadership and order, and I’m glad that passion of Riddle’s wasn’t dampened, but instead given nuance. Now he can focus his passion more effectively, rather than lashing out in all directions indiscriminately. Like Ace as well, I loved Riddle’s development in the Ghost Marriage plot line, particularly his individual side story with Malleus. It really showcased Riddle’s noblesse oblige moral code, which I personally find the most compelling and likable aspect of his personality.

Jack Howl ~ JACK IS A GOOD BOY. Anyone who disagrees can fight me. (LOL, not really, but...) Like with Deuce, I liked Jack pretty much immediately. From the start, he just came across as so much more down-to-earth and honest than either of the other two main characters from Savanaclaw (even if Jack is also a total tsundere, but honestly, if you’ve watched any kind of anime, you’re fluent enough in “tsundere” as a language to know exactly what Jack really thinks of something). He was sort of depicted as a black sheep in his own dorm, and -- honestly? -- I’m a sucker for characters that are sort of on the fringes and don’t quite conform to what people expect them to be. Add to that how passionate Jack is about working hard and being the best he can be in his own right, as well as how deathly loyal he is, and he’s just overall a character I would love being friends with.

Jamil Viper ~ Jamil was the first character who Overblots who I actually felt sympathy for long before we see his side of the story in flashback form. Part of this admittedly is because I could sort of see where Jamil and Kalim’s story was going ahead of time, but the other reason is that I could see how much work Jamil put in all the time. Even though yeah, it was a real dick move to try to foist out Kalim so he could become Head of Scarabia instead, and yes, he manipulated things to make everyone see Kalim as cruel and irrational, it doesn’t change the fact that Jamil still acted like a Dorm Head a lot more than Kalim did a lot of the time, in the sense of making sure things run smoothly. Kalim definitely brings amazing enthusiasm to Scarabia as its leader and inspires a lot of positive feelings in the people around him, but if there’s a problem, it’s Jamil who often ends up fixing it, not Kalim. And from the start, I really felt for this guy who Kalim -- simply due to privilege -- didn’t seem to acknowledge he was demanding so much of, without receiving the same kind of attention and appreciation in return. I never disliked Kalim for this, because I could tell Kalim didn’t mean it maliciously and admittedly Jamil really should’ve said something since Kalim adores Jamil and would have likely been more than receptive to hearing what he had to say...but at the same time, given their power imbalance, it’s also not completely unsurprising that Jamil didn’t feel like he could say something. The best part about Jamil for me, at least, ended up coming out after he was allowed to finally speak his mind. Yeah, maybe he’s a little meaner now. Yeah, maybe he’s not so patient or amiable now. But he’s also allowed to show more of that deep, searing passion and ambition he’s been bottling up for so long. I loved seeing how much he enjoys dancing and performing through the Fairy Gala event and the recent Pomefiore chapter. I’ve loved how thoroughly (and pretty justifiably) distrustful he is of Azul. I’ve loved how he’s sort of on the fence emotionally about looking after Kalim the way he used to and making sure Kalim doesn’t expect his service the way he subconsciously did before. Jamil is one of the TWST characters who surprised me the most in how much I enjoy him, and I honestly can’t wait to see how much more he grows.

Epel Felmier ~ I WILL PROTECT THIS BOY, OKAY. Not because he’s delicate-looking, but because damn it, if he wants to eat macaroons and steak with the wrong fork, then he should be allowed to just go out and do it. I absolutely love the contrasts we’ve already seen in Epel so far. For as sweet and bishounen as his face is, he has a real rough, informal side fitting his background as a kid from the country, and yet he also has his “Prince Charming” moments too. He completely on his own comes up with the idea to arrive riding a horse when trying to impress the Bride during the Ghost Marriage event, and yet he’ll also tear into a bunch of ghosts who dare mistake him for a girl. Epel reminds me of a friend of mine from high school who also was a lot gruffer and more cynical than his short height and cute face would suggest, and it makes for a very interesting character, I think. You can’t pin this kid down or put him in a single box, and I think that’s awesome.

Vil Schoenheit ~ All right. Before the Pomefiore chapter, I thought there was no way in Hell that I would ever warm up to Vil. His slapping of people’s butts in the Fairy Gala event, his superficial focus on exterior beauty, and his bullying, condescending attitude toward Epel in particular really made me dislike him from the get-go. But then the Pomefiore chapter started and we reached the auditions...and I found myself agreeing with just about every critique he made, in contrast to Rook’s sunnier, fawning reviews. It made me feel like I was watching American Idol or America’s Got Talent and agreeing with Simon Cowell (which I honestly almost always did, whenever I watched those!). And as the Pomefiore chapter’s unfolded, I’ve seen that fascinating contrast in Vil. Yes, he’s very superficial -- but his dream is to act and be an idol, and in that world of celebrity, appearances are important. Yes, he’s very conceited -- but he’s also an incredibly hard worker who’s put in a lot of effort to improve himself and his talents to the point that he should be proud of them. Yes, he’s almost cruel in how relentlessly he pushes people -- but he never holds anyone to a standard he wouldn’t also expect of himself. Yes, he’s very forceful and sees his way as the only way -- but he does truly want those people to succeed in his own weird way, even if he can’t properly express it. Not to mention the fact that he’s constantly typecast as villainous characters, and he just wants to be a hero who makes it to the final curtain call!! My heart!! It’s made it so that like with Jamil, I’ve found sympathy for Vil long before he Overblots, and so I’m all the more eager to see how both the Overblot itself and its aftermath impacts Vil as a character and his relationships with the other characters.

Malleus Draconia ~ Oh, come on, who doesn’t love Tsunotaro? This precious child needs all of the love and party invitations in the world! (And yes, he may be an immortal fae, but he’s still a precious child to me, so there.) I would totally love chatting about gargoyles and grotesques with him. X3

#ask me #opinion #twst #twisted wonderland #oh boy here i go #ace trappola #deuce spade #riddle rosehearts #jack howl #jamil viper #epel felmier #vil schoenheit #malleus draconia

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fallynleaf · 4 years ago

Text

(This is under a cut because it’s a long post about wrestling awards, but it’s also about creative storytelling in bleak conditions, the incredible emotional power of stories about love, and Japanese women’s wrestling taking important strides in bucking the idol-culture-esque trend where joshi wrestlers are expected to retire before they get married)

I don’t really put much stock into wrestling awards, because it’s all extremely subjective, and many of them, like the Tokyo Sports Awards, are heavily kayfabed/politicked anyway, but the 2020 Net Pro-Wrestling Awards, which were voted on by fans in Japan, were really fascinating to me.

The top 10 promotions were [source]:

NJPW

NOAH

DDT

Stardom

Muscle

TJPW

AEW

ChocoPro

AJPW

Ice Ribbon

This list is interesting, because it basically reflects the direction our own discord server’s interest took this year (though we’d probably rank them in a different order). The top promotions in our server currently are probably NJPW, NOAH, TJPW, Stardom, DDT, AEW, and ChocoPro, (not necessarily in that order). I’ve spent a lot of time over the past year thinking about which companies did the best job, creatively, with having to adapt to pandemic-era wrestling conditions, and I think this list reflects that somewhat. Many of these companies produced matches and performers that really stood out despite putting on shows in less than ideal conditions.

I’m especially happy that ChocoPro did as well as it did (beating WWE, you love to see it). It’s a very small promotion, but out of all of the companies in the list, it’s the only one that was specifically designed to operate in pandemic conditions, and it has a genuinely innovative format that was born from that. It’s also very accessible! ChocoPro operates with a no paywall model, and it’s distributed on youtube completely for free!

Also, four of these companies are directly part of the DDT family (and ChocoPro has extensive DDT connections), and two others (AEW and NJPW) currently have former DDT wrestlers as their world champions. I constantly think about how DDT has had more influence on the wrestling industry as a whole than most people really give it credit for, haha, but 2020 really proved that. DDT is simply better at creative adaption than most.

The top 10 MVP list was [source]:

Go Shiozaki (NOAH)

Tetsuya Naito (NJPW)

Hiromu Takahashi (NJPW)

Tetsuya Endo (DDT)

Minoru Fujita

Kota Ibushi (NJPW)

El Desperado (NJPW)

Kenta (NJPW)

Asuka (WWE)

Katsuhiko Nakajima (NOAH)

Fans voted Go Shiozaki as the top MVP of 2020, and that made me happy, because it’s very deserved!! He narrowly missed out on receiving the Tokyo Sports MVP award, so I’m glad to see him recognized here. Go truly did carry NOAH throughout 2020, and he really put the company back on the map again for many people.

I had no interest in watching NOAH before this year, but I ended up watching Go Shiozaki vs Kazuyuki Fujita from the March 29 show because I heard so much about it, and it blew me away. I’ve already talked about this match in bits and pieces; it’s the one that starts with a literal 30-minute staredown. It was a very avant garde decision to make, because it changes the entire structure of the match (it was a title match with a 60-minute time limit), and it’s something they never could have gotten away with if they’d had a crowd in the venue. But, performing in an empty arena, they could do it. It’s amazing how compelling it can be, just watching two wrestlers stare at each other, but it was really, really cool.

That match was Go’s first title defense (he won the GHC title shortly before the pandemic shut everything down), and he’s really had quite the run with the title ever since. The next thing he did that got me to tune back in to NOAH was when he got betrayed by his tag partner (Katsuhiko Nakajima, number 10 on the list), which of course pushed all of my favorite wrestling narrative buttons.

There’s just something about Go that makes him so compelling. It was even enough to get some friends of mine who primarily root for heels to really want him to succeed, haha. And I just really have to commend him for that. He was a late-blooming ace tasked with the incredibly rough responsibility of representing his company through a dramatic business shakeup while also weathering a global pandemic that drastically affected every aspect of the wrestling medium itself, and he was still able to put on innovative performances and tell very emotional stories and bring in new fans even in less than ideal conditions.

Some highlights from the list of top matches [source]:

1. Hiromu Takahashi vs El Desperado (12/11) NJPW 2. Go Shiozaki vs Katsuhiko Nakajima (11/22) NOAH 3. Go Shiozaki vs Kazuyuki Fujita (3/29) NOAH 4. Go Shiozaki vs Takashi Sugiura (12/6) NOAH 5. Tetsuya Naito vs Kazuchika Okada (1/5) NJPW 6. Go Shiozaki vs Kenoh (8/10) NOAH 7. Yuka Sakazaki vs Mizuki (11/7) TJPW 9. Tetsuya Endo vs Daisuke Sasaki (11/3) DDT 10. Kazuchika Okada vs Kota Ibushi (1/4) NJPW 11. Tetsuya Naito vs Hiroshi Tanahashi (9/20) NJPW 16. Hyper Misao vs Super Sasadango Machine (11/20) TJPW

There are a few things that really stand out to me here (I omitted matches from promotions that I don’t watch because I can’t speak to those). The first is that Go is all over this list lol. He’s in four of the top ten matches!

The second thing is that wrestling fans really enjoy stories about love. This is the least surprising thing to me, because those kinds of stories are ultimately why I watch this medium, but it’s still amazing to see that reflected in lists like this. In the list above, the top ranked matches in NJPW (#1), NOAH (#2), TJPW (#7), and DDT (#9) are all matches that are explicitly about love. They’re all different stories and different matches, but love is at the core of all of them.

I giffed all four of those matches (linked above!), and wrote up a short explanation of the stories for everything except for Despy/Hiromu, who have a dynamic that is too complicated for me to attempt to summarize. But they have explicitly described their feelings for each other as “love,” and have talked about their matches in terms of “making love.” I also wrote up a post about those three NOAH, TJPW, and DDT matches specifically.

It’s amazing to me how wrestling is, on its surface, a medium that revolves around hate and competition, but beneath that, it’s really a medium about love and cooperation. There’s simply far more at stake in a match between wrestlers who love each other (or who once loved each other) than there is in a match between wrestlers who hate each other.

I was surprised but happy to see that Hyper Misao vs Super Sasadango Machine got number 16 on this list, even though that match really did a number on me emotionally. This match was incredibly nontraditional. It involved a retirement announcement, a powerpoint presentation, a Bachelorette parody, a poetry contest, a retirement match, an unretirement, and a marriage announcement.

Misao started off by announcing that she was retiring, which devastated me. But by the end of the match, she decided that she wasn’t going to retire until peace and love had returned to the world, and she also decided that she wasn’t going to wait to pursue her other dream, too, which was to get married. Her husband-to-be came out into the ring, and the company put out a marriage announcement up on the website, and everybody cheered and celebrated the announcement. Misao became the first married wrestler on the TJPW roster.

This might not seem notable, but there are very, very few Japanese women wrestlers who are married and who are still actively wrestling. Joshi wrestlers often have very short careers and early retirements, and it is common for them to quit wrestling in order to get married. Misao also started her wrestling career fairly late: she began wrestling at 25, and almost quit at 30. In addition to all of that, she loves wrestling very unconventional matches (case in point: this one), and worries that her nontraditional style isn’t what fans are interested in seeing.

So, considering all of that, I love the fact that this match is getting so much positive recognition. It was very creative and emotional, and the reception to it really demonstrates how much the fans truly love Misao, as unconventional as she may be, and how happy we all are that she decided to get married and keep wrestling. I hope this match helps pave the way for other joshi wrestlers, too.

As always with awards like these, I wish there was more women’s wrestling represented, but it’s fascinating to look back at a year like the one we just had, and think about some of the things that resonated with me, and how those same things were received by other fans.

#idk what i set out to accomplish when i started typing this but this post extremely got away from me #i spent a couple hours writing this to MAYBE get one single note on tumblr dot com instead of working on my fic ajkfghdgjk #wrassling

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scenariosbutmakeitgay · 4 years ago

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Shibisu x Female Reader? Feel free to come up with the plot :)

it’s basically the little mermaid au, but even darker than the original fairytale

also that’s literally the longest fic on this blog lol

tw: death, violence, gore-ish theme

There once was a kingdom placed deep under the sea, where no human could reach. The kingdom was full of different creatures – starting with fish, and ending with mermaids. You happened to be the representative of the latter, one of king Jahad's many children to be more precise. Of course, the royal family wasn't the only one out there. Except from Jahad's offsprings, there were ten more names you could hear about quite frequently. The Ten Great Families, as some called them. You rarely bothered to spend time with other mermaids. Living under the sea, as beautifully poetic as it could be sometimes, became dull quite quickly. King Jahad prohibited his children from going near the surface – as if he was scared they might not want to come back. By the time you reached your eighteenth birthday, Jahad's overprotectiveness began to feel even more suffocating.

“I'm not sure what I expected to happen,” you murmured to yourself one night, when everyone was already asleep. “That he's going to change? It's ridiculous.”

Your father, as loving as he could be, was a man deeply stuck in his ways. If he said that you're not allowed to see the world above the surface, then that's it, and you shouldn't even try to argue. But the fact that despite your adulthood, he still treated you like a child, made you reach your boiling point. Tonight was the time of grunt changes, so you slipped out of your room, and checked if the hallway outside was empty. Not a single soul.

With each feet closer to the surface, the water became warmer, and the sounds of terrified screams intensified. You've finally reached your destination, and as lightning bolts pierced the sky, and cold air hit your face, everything became more alive. Suddenly, you heard a loud splash as an unconscious body of a man fell into the sea. An unknown urge overcame your senses, and before you could even notice, you caught the man into your arms. He wasn't that heavy, so carrying him to the shore didn't make much of a challenge. You placed his body on the sand, and moved long strands of dark hair out of his face.

You put your hand on his chest, and sighed in relief upon feeling a heartbeat. “That would be a dreadful night to die, wouldn't it?”

Predictably, no answer came. You looked at the man for the last time, and dived into the sea with no sense of where to go. Coming back to the castle was not an option, you would die out of boredom if you had to spend one more day at this place. That being said, there was only one option left. As a kid, your father always warned you to never wander alone outside his kingdom.

“I love spoiling you, my child, yet there are places under the sea you shall never visit,” he stated in a cold, demanding manner. “The castle and gardens surrounding it grant you safety. There are vicious creatures out there, and I cannot let them lay a finger on you.”

The kingdom was like a golden cage. It provided you with everything but freedom, which you craved the most. So you chose the path your father despised the most – the one leading to the caves where the Red Witch lived. Water there was muddy, almost impossible to see through. You swam with difficulty, determined to see the witch.

“I see you've finally found your path, daughter of Jahad.”

At first, you couldn't find the source of the voice. The woman was dressed in black and red, making her almost indistinguishable from the colored alike corals. One of her eyes, equally crimson to her hair, was hidden under an eye patch. Throughout your whole life you have heard different stories about the Red Witch and her appearance. Most of them described her as an old, ugly woman, which didn't hold much truth to it. There was one consistency in each and every story – the Red Witch was supposed to grant wishes.

“I've heard you can fulfill the deepest desires one dreams of. Is it true, witch?” you asked, trying to sound as confident as possible, while remaining to stay aware of your surroundings. As your father said, the kingdom meant safety. And you were outside it.

“Ah, yes, of course,” she replied with a barely noticeable smirk on her face. “But that craving of yours, little mermaid, comes with a price to pay.”

“I'll pay every price!” you exclaimed without much thinking, which only made the Red Witch snicker.

“Quite an eager one, aren't you?” she mocked. “With each royal generation that comes there's always someone like you. Incredibly foolish, and a little too curious for their own good. It makes everything even more entertaining, though.” The smile on her face widened, as she came up with an exciting idea. “We shall make a deal, princess. Your kind prides itself for their angelic voices, isn't that so? With each tongue you rip out of a mermaid's mouth, you will receive a human body for a day. When the slaughter ends, you shall fall asleep on the shore. I will grant you a pair of legs, princess. There is one more condition to our deal, I must say. When the pendulum of your human time stops swinging, and no man, woman, or any other human being loves you madly, your whole existence shall perish, and become a mere foam. Are you still interested in making your desires come true, Jahad's child?”

Your eyes widened in shock at the Red Witch's offer. It was violent, it was deadly, it was simply wrong! But you craved a pair of legs so madly, deeply, beyond any rational sense.

“I accept your conditions, Red Witch. Expect a silent morning, for I will rip out the tongue of each and every mermaid daring to sing in my presence.”

And your promise was kept. The witch gave you a silver dagger, with blade so sharp it could cut through flesh with almost no resistance. When the morning came, the whole kingdom remained deadly silent. You brought your gift to the Red Witch, and a bloody trail marked the path of your choice.

“I've done what I was compelled to do, witch. What now?” you asked, observing as the woman in front of you carefully counted the tongues. When she made sure what was the number of them, a wide grin appeared on her face.

“Your viciousness granted you a month as a human,” the Red Witch replied. She reached to grab a bottle of scarlet liquid, previously hidden behind one of the corals. “Swim to the shore, and drink it up. Beware, daughter of Jahad. The potion might give you legs, but they will come with great pain.”

Not caring about the warning, you grabbed the bottle from her hand, and swam away as quickly as possible. The shore wasn't that far away – with your current speed it took you barely a quarter of an hour to get there. You sat on the shore, feeling the warmth of the sand on your skin. It was way more pleasant than even the clearest waters in the sea. You opened up the bottle, and drank up the liquid without much hesitance. With the last drop of scarlet, the whole world went dark. A throbbing pain filled your whole body as you desperately grasped for air. You saw them... You saw their faces... They were twisted, convulsions filling their last moves as you ripped their tongues out. The disdainful glances they sent you... You weren't really surprised. Mutilating plenty innocent beings of your own kind was one of the worst crimes to commit – it made you understand the true price of your wish. The curse of the little mermaid shall make you feel the pain of your victims, with each tongue that you ripped out feeling as your own.

Suddenly, the darkness began to fade. The ground underneath your body didn't feel familiar – it was too silky for the sand you previously passed out on. The fabric felt quite similar like bedsheets in your room in the castle. How appalling. The chamber you were in was decorated with wooden furniture, full of ornaments, and quite pleasant to the eye. As you admired the interior design, the mahogany door moved with a creak. A tall man with short hair walked in.

“Oh, I see you're already awake. How are you feeling?” he asked, and placed a beverage on the cupboard next to the bed. It looked like some kind of tea, though you couldn't be sure.

“I-” you tried to reply, but a wave of intense pain hit your throat as you spoke. It felt as if someone was ripping your tongue out. “I'm f-fine,” you finally managed to blurt out. It was excruciating, numbing, and absolutely well-deserved.

The man smiled. “I'm glad. I will explain everything once you rest properly,” he said, and passed the beverage to your hands. It was hot, but not burning. Perfect.

“Oh, also, the prince wanted to talk to you. It has something to do with the place we found you at.”

The prince?

You assumed one of the members of the royal entourage must have found you on the shore. Apparently a princess can never escape from the palace.

Suddenly, a look of realization showed on the man's face, as if he remembered something important. “Please excuse me now, I must attend the rest of my duties. If you ever need any help or simply someone to talk to, ask the guards for Shibisu. They'll certainly find me.”

You nodded, and gave him a thankful smile. When Shibisu, or whatever his name was, left the room, you decided to try out your legs for the very first time. It was a weird feeling for someone who spent their whole life with a fishtail, but not weird enough to be uncomfortable. After all, humans were bizarre creatures – their anatomy had to be on an equal level of eeriness.

A deep breath, and there we go. Your right leg carefully slid off the bed to touch the floor. It was cold. The left one followed right after. Okay, it shouldn't be hard. One leg, two legs, and up!

Your posture was everything but graceful, but at least you didn't stumble. Sole standing won't do, though. You had to learn how to walk. Using the same method – one foot, two feet, and go – your legs made a few small steps. Swimming was way easier, and you felt as if your body was heavier now. As you walked from one corner of the room to another, you noticed a small piece of paper left on the table near the door. It was a note, and whoever put it there, had an incredibly neat handwriting.

“Hello,

I'd like to apologize for contacting you in such an indirect manner, but it was quite hard to guess when you would wake up. There are some spare cloths left by the maids in the closet, so feel free to change into whatever's to your liking. I'd appreciate if we could have a little chat.

Sincerely, Jue Viole Grace.”

That must be the prince the man from before talked about. Maybe he'll clear everything up, and tell you who exactly brought you to the palace. It was a little naive to judge him based on a few sentences, but the prince seemed like a generally kind person, which you considered a rarity among the nobles.

You opened the closet, and picked out a simple dress. It was pretty, but nothing extraordinary. The next step was fixing your appearance to look presentable, because let's be real – passing out, and being unconscious for who knows how long didn't do your face any justice.

One step, two steps, open the door, and walk out. It was simple. You saw the guards as soon as you left the room.

“Prince Viole is waiting for you, miss. Follow me.”

You didn't ask any questions – it was awfully painful to speak, after all. The guard walked through some hallways, corridors, and different rooms to finally get outside the palace. You were in the royal gardens. They didn't look like those king Jahad owned. The gardens above the surface were more colorful, and you could almost feel their liveliness filling your soul with happiness. The prince was sitting on a chair, sipping a cup of tea. He placed his drink on the glass table in front of him as he saw you. Suddenly, you widened your eyes in bewilderment. Prince Viole was the exact same man you saved from drowning just a while ago. You tried to regain your composure, and walked over to him, greeting the nobleman with the kindest smile you could muster.

“It's nice to see you're finally awake. Please take a seat,” the prince said, and patted on the chair next to him. “Are you feeling any better now? You've slept for quite some time.”

You sat down, and cleared your throat. “Yes, I think I'm certainly better now. Thank you for helping me, Your Highness.” It was smarter to play it polite – despite seemingly friendly behavior of the prince, you didn't know what kind of person he was.

“Just Viole is fine, believe me,” he reassured you. “I'm not the right person to thank, though. It was Shibisu who found you on the shore. Surely you two must have already met.”

You nodded, and made a mental note to bring up the topic when you see the man again. The prin... no, not prince. Just Viole took another sip of tea, and looked you straight in the eyes.

“Do you have any family? I don't want to keep you here against your will if someone's waiting for you to come back.”

The memories of your father and siblings sent shivers down your spine. You wanted them to scream at you for your selfishness, or even yell how disgusting you were. But they couldn't. No matter how many times you tried, they wouldn't answer your prayers. The sea remained deadly silent.

“N-no, I don't have anyone,” you stuttered, trying to sound as convincing as you could.

Viole gave you an understanding smile. “Feel free to stay at the palace as long as you like, then.”

A nod. That's exactly what you did. When your little chat with Viole came to an end, you decided to come back to your room. The palace was surprisingly quiet, even though you could swear you saw plenty of people there earlier. As you walked into another hallway, you felt someone bumping into you. Not hard enough to make you fall, but equally unpleasant.

“Sorry, didn't notice you!” a quick apology left the lips of a man you were already familiar with. Shibisu.

“No, it's my fault. I should have been more careful.” Getting used to the pain took less time than expected, yet the urge to cry in agony with every word spoken didn't disappear.

“Were you heading anywhere in particular? It's quite easy to lose a sense of direction in such a big place.”

“Actually, I planned to go back to my room. Could you show me the right way? I admit I'm a little lost,” you replied.

“Sure thing, miss. You're the lucky one today, because I know the castle better than anyone else,” he said with a cheeky grin. How charming.

With each passing day the clock's clicking became louder, and louder. Your days were numbered, and you were painfully aware of it.

When the pendulum of your human time stops swinging, and no man, woman, or any other human being loves you madly, your whole existence shall perish, and become a mere foam. Are you still interested in making your desires come true, Jahad's child?

The Red Witch was right about one thing – you were incredibly foolish. It was supposed to be a fairytale! A mermaid princess falls in love with a human prince, so she exchanges her tail for legs to be with him, and they live happily ever after. But you? You had no interest in the prince. The person you grew attached to was the man who found you on the shore, and has been taking care of you ever since. An excuse of a princess fell in love with a dorky servant, who doesn't even know the crime that stains her past. What a pitiful fairytale that would be. Not only you were sure that your feelings were one-sided, but your human body wasn't meant to last much longer.

Since your life was close to its end you took one more selfish choice – to spend more time with Shibisu. You shared meals, breaks, and sometimes went on walks together. He was quite a storyteller. You knew that he served the Grace family for over ten years now, and Viole himself considered him a close friend. Shibisu, despite his usual jokerish behavior, was actually a really intelligent person. He also had a sweet tooth, cared deeply for his friends, and liked saying that his favorite color was the one of your eyes.

Tick. Tack.

Your last day was about to end.

“Please, it can't be like this,” you whispered a quiet prayer that no god could ever hear. It was an ironically similar scenario to the one that began your journey.

“I'm not sure what I expected to happen,” you murmured to yourself one night, when everyone was already asleep. “That he's going to change? It's ridiculous.”

A bitter smile formed on your lips as tears began to fall. The palace was deadly silent – just like the morning after the slaughter. You slipped out of your room once more, and tip toed to the kitchen to find a knife. It was sharp, and made of silver – just like the dagger the Red Witch gave you a month ago. All you needed was just a few hours more, maybe even minutes!

Tick. Tack.

Cold breeze hit your face as you came to the shore. The shore that let you fulfill your curse, and the shore that Shibisu found you at.

With each tongue you rip out of a mermaid's mouth, you will receive a human body for a day.

Even with human body, you still possessed the blood of a mermaid, right? Right?! The knife was cold against your skin, slowly coming near your face. The shore was empty. None but you could see the viciousness of the act that was about to happen.

One cut, two cuts, blood filling everything. It was an atrocious sight. You ripped out the piece of flesh like the tongues before, and threw it into the sea. The shore was silent. Just one more day, please.

Suddenly, you heard a scream. It was Shibisu.

“What are you even doing?!”

The shore was neither empty, nor silent now. You wanted to speak, you wanted to yell, you wanted to confess your love for the man in front of you. But the only sound that left your mouth was a cough as blood started to stream down your throat to choke you.

“Y-you...” he stuttered. “You're bleeding.”

You fell down to your knees convulsing. With the last amount of strength left in your body, you started writing on the sand with your finger. The message was simple.

I love you.

His eyes widened both in shock and horror. Your state was getting worse with each second. Shibisu leant over your body, clearly panicking.

“I love you, too! You can't leave me, you heard me?! You can't!”

The night was a stormy one, but no lightning could be louder than your heartbeat. The Red Witch was right once again. Your body didn't perish, because only a madman could break the curse. As your lips touched his, the world around you fell silent. Blood staining both bodies, as if it was an agreement to never mention the crime that caused it all. The night was a stormy one. And not a single soul noticed as the wild waves of the sea consumed both of the lovers, staining the water with crimson foam. Maybe not every fairytale had to end happily.

#tower of god #tog #kami no tou #ship leesoo #shibisu #fairytale au #the little mermaid #death #violence #gore #angst

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ahiddenpath · 4 years ago

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Digimon Adventure 2020 Ep 7 Reaction

AKA: The latest installment of the ongoing battle between Gomamon and Tentomon for the title of “Best Digi.”

(And all I can hear is an irate: “BUT WHAT ABOUT GABUMON?!”)

Man, Jyou, I don’t even know what to say??? This is one of those episodes where the digimon received more care than the human, lol! This whole time, I’ve been like, “Man, this show needs 100% more Jyou screaming and running in circles and trying to use destroyed telephones,” but I honestly wasn’t ready for him to bash his head against a makeshift hut while screaming his background exposition so hard that the hut collapsed... And neither were the others.

(And how hilarious is it that Taichi, Sora, and Mimi had stronger reactions to watching Jyou self-destruct than to... Arriving in the Digital World and fighting monsters??? Like???? How am I supposed to parse this?????)

It’s odd, because this ep was much simpler and calmer than 6, and yet, I feel like we walked away from 6 knowing far more about Mimi than we know about Jyou following 7. However... This ep focused on the Chosen/partner bond more than any previous eps, except maybe Agumon’s mysterious fore-knowledge of Taichi in the first ep. And obviously, that bond is the core of the digimon franchise.

WHICH LEADS ME TO THE TRUE MVP OF EVERYTHING: YA BOI, THE CUTEST, THE SWEETEST, THE FUNNIEST, THE CHARMING SCAMP! YOU KNOW HIM, YOU LOVE HIM, GO!MA!MOOOOON!

So, in a move we all can expect from Jyou, he decided that studying was more important than... Erm, saving Tokyo. That sounds damning on the surface, but Gomamon gets it, somehow? This sweet l’il digibub with no knowledge of the human world, presumably, somehow understands the crushing weight of pressure and expectations that Jyou is carrying. As a 6th grader, he is prepping for his middle school entrance exams (Jyou is literally always on the precipice of a future-determining event in digimon, somehow, god bless this dumpling). My American friends don’t have an equivalent of testing into middle school, but I’m told it’s a Big Deal in Japan, especially when you’re aspiring to join your father and brothers as a doctor.

So, when Taichi and co ask Jyou to help them... Not only does he decline, but he tells his partner, Gomamon, to go with them. Ouch, dude.

This clearly hurts Gomamon- his eyes glaze with tears. But instead of reacting with hurt and anger, he explains Jyou’s situation to Taichi and the others, thinking that Jyou is out of earshot. He says something like, “It may look like Jyou is being selfish and absorbing himself in studying... But the truth is that he already has so much on his mind that he can’t handle another thing, especially something like saving the world.” He then says that, until Jyou can figure his stuff out, he, Gomamon, will contribute to the Chosen team on Jyou’s behalf... because they’re partners.

THERE IS SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE. First of all, as someone with general anxiety disorder, BOY HOWDY DO I GET THAT. When your hands are full and you don’t know how to handle what’s in front of you, and someone approaches you with a whole new danged thing- especially if it’s something that really shouldn’t be your job (like, uh, saving the world when you’re a 6th grader), it’s so easy to blow up and nope out. (Granted, I’ve never smashed my head into walls, but let’s just side-eye that and move on).

AND THE OTHER THING is that THIS IS EXACTLY HOW PARTNERSHIPS WORK. Gomamon sees that Jyou isn’t at his best. He knows, from personal experience with Jyou, that Jyou is a good, kind, hard-working person... He’s just struggling right now. And when your partner is struggling, you help them... Knowing they’ll do the same for you when you’re struggling.

AND THEN THIS OTHER THING GOMAMON SAYS?! Gomamon explains to Jyou how excited he was to meet his partner, to which Jyou replied, “Aren’t you disappointed that it’s someone like me?”

AND GOMAMON- THIS PRECIOUS BEAN- HE SAYS- HE SAYS! “Not at all! I think so myself, so there’s no mistake!” I could be reading into this too much, but how I took this was: “Okay so supposedly there’s some kind of magic destiny thing going on here, but I choose you. You are MY choice.” This simultaneously indicates that Gomamon has already accepted Jyou and loves him, and that he is asserting power over this destiny/Chosen situation. This hits so hard when you juxtapose it against Jyou saying, “Why me?” over and over while he freaked out earlier.

Gomamon knows exactly why he is involved in all of this prophecy nonsense: because he loves Jyou. Because he wants to be here.

AND IF THAT ISN’T ENOUGH, he tells Jyou exactly what someone who overburdens himself needs to hear: “You won’t do this alone. Taichi and the others are here... and so am I.”

Excuse me, I’ll just be over here sobbing, give me a minute.

At this point, Jyou finally accepts everything with the best possible line: “You’re my... I’m YOUR partner,” rightfully acknowledging and accepting that Gomamon is the rock here, and he has a lot of room to grow into this partnership.

SO BASICALLY: This ep showcases the Chosen/digimon partnership so lovingly, which has always been where Jyou and Gomamon excel. Gomamon is the best, and we love him. However, most of what we learned about Jyou came from exposition (Jyou screaming about his exams and his family of doctors while destroying his hut, Gomamon explaining point-blank what makes Jyou tick to the audience). As an enormous Jyou fan, I wish his intro were as smooth and natural and compelling as Mimi’s in 6... But clearly, this ep was more focused on the Chosen/digimon bond, and that’s so critical to the franchise. This ep has a lot to offer!

Now, fingers crossed for Yamato and Kou-chan to join the group. I seriously don’t remember anything about Yamato in 2020, wasn’t he just kind of... quiet and stand-offish and prone to going solo? Big “get your extroversion out of my face” vibes.

#digimon reboot reaction #digimon reboot spoilers #jyou kido #gomamon #digimon reboot #digimon 2020 #digimon adventure:

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moon--vixen · 4 years ago

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Glimwood diaries

July 1st, 2020

I received a letter from Mom today. it’s been so long since her last letter. the little puppy plush inside was just adorable.

though it rained today, I decided to forgo the raincoat. if I get a little wet, I get a little wet. the rain was light anyway, and I have a nice wide hat on to shield me from the worst of it.

but as soon as I stepped outside, guess who I spied!

it’s been quite a while since I’ve seen this one too! I wonder how he’s been.

it took forever to find all his parts, mostly because I kept running into new bugs!

and a new fish!

like, constantly.

the rain sure did give me some fun ideas for puns though.

but truly, it felt like I couldn’t walk two feet without running into another one!

my jokes are on point today though, and I do not take constructive criticism.

honestly though..

here I thought the bugs stayed away when it rained...

honestly I truly began to get a sort of creepy crawly feeling with how close together all these new things are.

they’re absolutely everywhere! constantly! and I feel compelled to catch every single one of them!!

especially since there’s so many, I’ve yet to figure out which ones I’ve caught already and which I haven’t..so even such challenging ones as these...

I had to do it. I...don’t know how but I did it!!

I do wonder if there’s even anything left to catch for the rest of the month...

it..really began to feel insane. I couldn’t even get a moment’s peace, just long enough to find my fossils...

but when I finally did, I...well, I feel bad for Blathers...he has no idea what’s about to hit him...

as always, I instantly went to check them out and boy was I in for a surprise!! that back tank finally filled out with more corals!

and most of the new cicadas are all right up front, so they can scream at you the instant you walk into the room lol

the walking leaf’s little box is lovely though. it’s so nice to finally have that filled too.

when I left, I found a bunch of my neighbors with the zoomies in town, holding a strange piece of grass.

I spoke with Whitney intending to ask what it was but..

it seems she had something else in mind to share with me...

....oops!

checking over my little back area, it sure looks nice in the sunlight. I still don’t know if I’ll keep it as it is, but...honestly I don’t really know what else to do with it..maybe the things to come will help with that...

as evening rolled around, the problem seemed to reassert itself.

more new things insisted on making themselves known.

but hey, they’re at least one more thing off my checklist.

I uh..was not expecting the fight club in the back of the insect room though!

after all that, I ran home as quickly and carefully as I could, and got a little more comfortable.

I’m so tired after all that..but some DLC gaming sounds like just the thing I need.

after all, I have kept someone waiting long enough.

wish me luck!

#animal crossing #animal crossing new horizons #acnh #glimwood diaries

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mia-cooper · 5 years ago

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2019 fanfiction in review

I usually put more effort into pimping my favourite fics of the year, boosting a few new writers in my fandoms, etc. This year, however, I have not, for reasons both within and beyond my control. Which is pretty much my excuse for not Doing Better with writing for the past month or so, but hey. At least there’s this.

.......................................................

1. Best fic(s) you read all year, and why?

How can I even begin to list all the beautiful, shocking, feel-good, feel-terrible-but-in-a-good-way, envy-inducing, page-turning, soul-destroying, fluffy, hilarious, infuriating and horny fics I’ve read this year? I can’t. So I will instead list three that come immediately to mind.

@curator-on-ao3 – The Dismissed Protocol (rated T, VOY, TNG, Janeway & Crusher)

This fic made me angry. So angry that I left a ranty and incoherent comment, slammed down the lid on my laptop and stormed around the house for a bit. Why was I so pissed, you ask? Because this fic hit a good few of my personal triggers around bodily autonomy and the right to make informed choices, and because although the fic ends triumphantly, it’s somewhat of a pyrrhic victory and it left a really bad taste in my mouth. Which, considering this is fiction, is the mark of some really good writing. When it comes to tackling difficult topics with a fresh and thought-provoking perspective, and without opting for the easy answers, Curator never disappoints. This story is just one of many examples of that in her work.

@love-in-the-time-of-kolinahr – it will take place without witnesses (rated E, DSC, Pike/Number One)

Okay so let me start by saying it was the author’s fucking EXCELLENT pun of a pseudonym that made me read this in the first place. Then it was the poem they quoted (Discovery by Wislawa Szymborska, which is like a portentous rocket in the guts). Then it was Una’s scales-off-the-eyes, we-are-true-equals, don’t-bullshit-me-lover candidness in the way she sees, talks to, knows Chris Pike. I adore Pike in his laconic-space-cowboy-with-a-heart Disco incarnation, I like him a lot as the CoolDad in AOS, but this fic? This fic gives me smart, forthright, deeply tender Number One, and Pike as the fractured and very human hero I hope like hell we’ll see more of because they are definitely making a Pike series RIGHT? It is written. Anyway… this fic is beautiful and harsh and deft and real and sexy and poetic and at its core it’s about love, and who doesn’t love love?

@captacorn – Stars in a Ruined Sky (rated M, VOY, Paris/Torres)

It took me a while to read this one because CaptAcorn was posting it at the same time I was writing my epic, and I had no brain space to maintain a hold on someone else’s dark and compelling plot. But when I picked this one up, I couldn’t put it down. It is AMAZING. A Timeless AU, set in a universe where Voyager crashed and most of the crew survived, this goes where no other 100k+ epic I’ve read before has dared to tread, and it does so without flinching. The details are what make this unforgettable – there’s no magic reset button, so when something bad happens to the crew, there are actual lasting consequences – but it’s the humanity of the characters (if I can use that word to describe a crew that includes aliens) that makes it unputdownable (fuck off, my nana said that’s a word). This is not an AU I want to think happened, but CaptAcorn makes it one that rings true. And I’ll definitely read this again when I have the emotional fortitude for it.

Wow, there’s no Janeway/Chakotay in my top three. What? So here’s a bonus:

Northernexposure’s trilogy – Soft Light, Aftershocks and Resolution (rated E, VOY, Janeway/Chakotay) – three for the price of one! I mean, when northernexposure posts a new fic I race to read it no matter what, but smut! Beautifully written, true to character, sexy sexy smut from one of my all time favourite authors! How could I turn that down?

2. Best fic(s) you published all year, and why?

Mmmyeah to be honest I kinda feel as though my writing peaked in 2017, but here we go.

Desperate Measures (rated E, VOY, Janeway/Chakotay and other pairings) – because there’s angst and smut and the plot is twisty as fuck and I feel like there’s a pretty satisfying payoff. And it’s really long and relies on the reader engaging with my OCs which people seem to have done, which makes me think that if I ever do want to go write another original novel, maybe I won’t want to burn it as soon as I’m done.

This Is The Moment (rated M, DSC, Pike/Tyler) – because these two have exhausting chemistry and I couldn’t not write this but it was hard to make it come out of my brain the way I wanted it. But I’m really happy with it.

And I have a soft spot for First Officer’s Log (rated T, VOY, Chakotay & Tuvok, implied Janeway/Paris), because I just really love Threshold, okay? And while the episode is wack on so many levels there are really dark and heavy themes to explore there which I feel have gone very unexplored and I hope my fic struck that same balance between moral philosophy and holywhatthefuckery.

3. Favourite opening line(s) in a fic you published in 2019:

From Bad Maquis (rated M, VOY, Janeway/Chakotay):

The only thing more restrictive – and bosomy – than this outfit, Kathryn mused as she stared at her reflection, was her holodeck governess costume.  

Still, at least she didn’t have to leave her quarters wearing this getup, and thank goodness for small mercies. Because she was on the verge of backing down from this challenge as it was, and Kathryn Janeway did not chicken out. Ever.

I mean, it sets the scene, doesn’t it? Who doesn’t love Janeway in leather.

4. Favourite closing line(s):

This is maybe cheating a little bit because this fic isn’t finished, but this first chapter can stand alone and I won’t be continuing it for some time (first, I have to finish the two prequels, haha). Anyway, these are the closing lines from Inertia (rated T so far, VOY, Janeway/Paris and others):

When the daze clears and Tom looks up to discover that his hovercar is parked in front of an address he’s never visited but has nonetheless memorised, maybe he should feel a little bit surprised.  

He doesn’t. No matter how far he tries to go or how long he stays away from her, turning up at Kathryn Janeway’s door is inevitable.

Why do I like it? Well, I have an everlasting appreciation for Janeway/Paris, for one thing. For another, if you read the rest of the story and understand what Tom has just learned, you’ll want to know what happens next. I hope. I sure want to know.

5. The fic that was best received, and your favourite comment(s) on it:

That would be Desperate Measures again. It’s my longest fic by far and I was absolutely bowled over by the response to it, but one of my favourite comments on it is this one:

It actually looks like Janeway is saying gimme and it cracks me up.

Honestly though… the depth and kindness of comments on that fic in particular, the time and thought and effort that people have put into their reviews … it made up for every moment I wanted to chuck it in and never look at that fic again, or any other.

6. The fic you wish had gotten more love:

Honestly, I was surprised there was so little response to my @voyagermirrormarch fic trilogy, Heaven in the Shape of Hell. I really thought they’d be crowd pleasers, but it shows what I know, lol. I haven’t even finished the third one because the lack of interest made me wonder if they were just really shite, but I’m not so butthurt about it anymore and I will come back to it someday.

7. How many fandoms you wrote for in 2019, and which inspired you most:

Does Star Trek in all its incarnations count as one fandom? If so, I wrote for two (Trek and Marvel). If all the different versions of Trek count separately, I wrote for seven (MCU, AOS (that’s Trek Alternate Original Series, not Agents of SHIELD), Disco, Mirror, Enterprise, DS9 and Voyager).

Anyway, I guess I’ll never stop being inspired by Voyager, so even if Disco season 3 and the Picard show do nothing for me, I’ll always have that.

8. Your favourite pairing(s) to write for:

I mean, Janeway x Chakotay, for sure. But I’m deeply, deeply invested in Janeway x Paris at the moment.

9. What you’re writing now/next:

I’m struggling through the second part of what was supposed to be my contribution to @25daysofvoyager. I’m actually going to post the first part once I’m done with this quiz in the hope it’ll kick my ass into gear. I’m also on semi-hiatus from Kinetic Friction, but I’ll be going back to it as soon as I’m done with my 25 Days fic. At some point after Kinetic there’ll be the sequel, and then the rest of Inertia. I’m also contemplating something for Threshold Day, possibly throwing something into @voytalentchallenge (don’t count on that one), and I have an idea for a pre-Enterprise D, pre-Voyager meeting between Picard and Janeway (with smut, obvs), plus all the other fics I’m definitely going to write …

And of course there’s my meat raffle. Time to pimp that one again. Donate to AO3 and if I draw your name out of the hat of randomness I’ll write you a fic to your specifications (roughly).

10. Writing goals for 2020 (word count? new fandoms/pairings? anything?):

Look, I’d just really like to actually write to some of the prompts I’ve had sitting in my ridiculously complex filing system without getting sidetracked by the newest shiny thing to catch my eye. In terms of fandoms, I hope I’ll write more for Discovery, I’m looking forward to Picard, and I would like to branch out from Trek a bit. More MCU, definitely, and maybe others if I get inspired. The main thing I want out of writing fanfiction at the moment is for it to continue making me happy, though, so I just hope I keep having fun with it.

#miamemes #miawrites #2019 fanfiction in review

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paperclipninja · 5 years ago

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Younger post-ep ramble 6x11

I may be on holiday but if you think that’s going to stop me offloading some thoughts and feelings about this week’s episode of Younger, ‘Holding Out for a SHero’, then you’d be sorely mistaken (any chance to over-think and over-analyse my fave fake reality). In saying that, this will be a briefer version of my usual post-ep ramble, what I shall refer to as Ramble Lite™. There were parts of this episode I really liked and parts I felt disappointed with, but it largely played out in a way that I expected, with the exception of that twist at the end! Hats off to Joe Murphy for that fab misdirection, I may have gasped.

This episode opened with Maggie in her tomato garden looking radiant and Liza filling her in on the decision not to see Josh anymore because it’s complicated and feelings and that undeniable thing called chemistry (or something like that). I applaud Maggie’s consistent use of Chaz (I really hope we get to hear her say it to his face at some point) and Liza stating out loud that she chooses Charles, but this scene also delivered one of the two big moments of disappointment I had in this ep. If anything was ever going to be out of character on this show it would be Liza, a writer and editor, being unable to come up with decent adjectives to describe the man she is supposedly in love with. Yet here she is describing Charles as ‘a peer’ and ‘appropriate’ as reasons for choosing to be with him. For real? I understand the effort to paint him as the sensible choice vs. the less sensible, the head vs. heart, in this triangle that’s been resurrected. This particular way of describing men has always served a clear purpose in the Youngerverse and ngl, my alarm bells went off in episode 7 when Michelle referred to Charles as ‘appropriate’. Liza uses this exact term to describe Richard, the horrendous man Michelle sets her up with in S1E2 who starts reading emails at the dinner table on their date, he’s ‘age appropriate’. She also described Jay as nice, viable, legitimate prospect, sure, but she also sobbed on his shoulder because she was so in love with Charles that her heart was aching at the thought of missing the chance to be with him.

It feels so painfully deliberate, Charles has gone from intellectually invigorating and romantic and been relegated to safe and ‘appropriate’. My disappointment comes from the fact that if this triangle must remain in play, there can be two men who are vibrant and compelling and really different, without painting one as ‘boring’ and one as ‘fun’. Knowing the way Liza talks about the important people in her life, with such admiration and affection, I feel she would at least say Charles is intelligent and romantic or kind or thoughtful or SOMETHING better than being ‘a peer’ and ‘appropriate’. I do believe that as viewers we often form our own interpretations of characters and when they don’t behave the way we imagine we are disappointed, but in this case it’s the disappointment that Liza’s entire reason for being attracted to Charles is being reduced to the idea that it’s sensible when we have been shown this is simply not the case. Phew, glad I got that off my chest (and so much for Ramble Lite™ lol).

Once in the office Liza is running Diana through the wedding planning, which frankly I cannot wait to see all come together. I love that Liza’s already secretly planned a bachelorette party and really does know Diana well enough to know she’ll want one (so many lols @ Diana’s, ‘yes that’s why I was bringing it up, because I don’t want one’ and could Liza look any more pleased with herself that she’s managed to pull the wool over her eyes? Adorbs). Charles arrives looking for Kelsey and is wanting to see how she would like to break the news that he is once again publisher, because that’s how they work now that they’re the dynamic duo and have I mentioned this week how much I LOVED seeing their dynamic last week? Kelsey proves that she has indeed kept her head and announces that Millennial secured a new investor and that Charles is once again in the boss seat and I am once again extremely impressed with Kelsey this season, as is Diana (and honestly if you have the D.Trout stamp of approval, what more do you need?). I will also never tire of seeing Diana, Kelsey and Liza as true peers and now friends, it’s undoubtedly a highlight of season 6.

The book pitch of the week is extremely timely (as always), a manners for millennials piece that aims to counteract the generation’s greatest shortcomings, such as ghosting exes and not RSVPing to weddings. This episode really did have some stellar lines and the fact that Liza can now drop jokes in meetings, such as her ‘neither was I’ response to the author’s ‘I am not proud to be a millennial’, is the kind of goodness I am here for since the lie is no longer a thing. Naturally Liza and Diana are both very interested in finding out more about these topics and it turns out the best way to get some finality with the ex is to write a good ol’ fashioned Dear John letter (best way to get those RSVP’s -unknown). This is reinforced nicely in Charles’ office, when Liza leaps off Charles’ desk as though she and Charles were caught christening the damn thing (which would’ve been very ok by me and at this point you should know I’m not at all sorry) by Diana bearing flowers and note from Alice the author letting them know she will not be publishing her book with Millennial (so no Charles, the flowers are not for you). All this talk of how good letters are leads to Liza penning her Dear Josh letter that night, which we only catch a tantalizing glimpse of initially, before the narration and accompanying montage when Josh actually receives it.

While it was only brief, Charles asking Liza how she feels about him being back as publisher and her answering honestly, she just wishes Kelsey hadn’t been unceremoniously stripped of the title, is yet another lovely insight into their relationship. Charles continuing with, ‘what about you, always thinking of others, how do you feel?’, excuse me while I clutch my heart at the sweetness of it all and seriously, does ANYONE ever ask Liza this? The family picture on Charles’ desk is noted and it’s great but I also can’t help but feel it’s somewhat ominous so I’m putting my gush on pause (v. open to being proven wrong on this).

Kelsey and Zane continue to be all over the place, I have so little investment in them as a pairing and I really think it’s because I have simply not seen enough of them together to know whether I care, though I have enjoyed a number of their interactions recently. It also doesn’t help that Zane has been many shades of douche this season. Since professing their love for one another, he is being caring at the start of this week’s ep, apologising and saying he feels partly responsible for Kelsey’s demotion and trying to allay Kelsey’s self-doubt. It is Kelsey who says that she doesn’t know how to do this with Zane and that one of them always loses (the old editors-who-were-peers-and-then-one-became-the-boss-but-now-they’re-peers-again curse), which returns Zane to Douchetown in time for the staff meeting.

I felt for Kelsey, it would be so hard sitting in that first meeting with Charles at the helm again, though him going through all the acquisitions and saying these are a credit to Kelsey’s impeccable instincts was great and necessary. But then Charles brings up the Arabian Seas book and the ‘we’ enters the conversation, along with a list of books that sound like they belong on the bargain shelf because yawn and yes it’s fine that Charles has his own instincts, but Zane in this meeting is awful. Kelsey calls him out, she is clearly and rightfully angry about the unfairness of her entire situation and she warns Charles to, ‘pay attention…and you too Liza. I didn’t have any boundaries at work and look what happened’. I have no idea if this is foreshadowing but I feel like it could be juicy if it was so let’s keep abreast of any future developments (yes that is a boob pun and you’re welcome).

Highlight of this whole scene of course is Liza ripping into the guy and the whole office when Kelsey walks out of the meeting and can hear that her meme has been made into a banger of a tune. We get fearsome Liza schooling the entire room on the fact that Kelsey did get the money, ‘that’s why we all have a job, she’s a goddamn hero’. YESSSSSS Liza *praise hands*. Kelsey in turn agrees to speak at the girls school event that Lauren put to her earlier (yes it IS ok to be angry and Kelsey no longer distancing herself from her social media mistake but using it as a platform to empower others and be a role model…where do I sign?).

Lauren was in ultimate PR and friend mode for Kelsey this week, trying to figure out how to spin Boobgate and trying to see the positive side of all the invitation cancellations. I always say it, I know, but Lauren’s unrelenting advocacy for her friends is absolutely one of her best qualities and her line, ‘you are an example of a woman who made a very simple mistake and the patriarchy seizing that opportunity to tear you down’, was fantastic. She also very much latched onto the SHero theme and I appreciated her use of the word at any given opportunity.

It is as Lauren and Josh are leaving to catch an Uber to Inkburg Midtown that we discover this means he is very relieved Claire doesn’t have to move to LA now. I really don’t get this. I said last week that Josh is far too woke to expect the mother of his child to bail on her career aspiration just so he doesn’t have to move to LA, especially considering he knows the struggle Liza faced in her own career journey after having Caitlin (who you may remember is her daughter…or was. Current status unknown). If we’d seen in their conversation Claire saying that she really doesn’t want to move but she can’t see another way to give Gemma the life she hopes, then ok, Josh finding a way to up his income is ace. So I do hope we find out at some point this was the case, because Josh deciding he’ll get more money so Claire and Gemma can stay for his convenience, it’s just nope.

Though I do have to say that the biggest benefit of Josh securing the Infinitely 21 partnership is getting to see more Shelly because omfg I cannot with her. The way she talks about paint colours, giving her personal number, the line I could not believe I heard, ‘but seriously, Josh, unload on me’ ( I love that this season has seemed censored af compared to previous ones – I don’t love this but you know what I mean- yet lines like this get dropped in. Too good), I am in awe of her complete and unabashed lust for him.

It is between picking paint colours that Josh finds the letter from Liza and it is heart wrenching. And beautiful. The emotion really is palpable as Josh leaves the store to find somewhere to read it once he realises what it is. The flashback montage is certainly something that hasn’t been utilized in the show and it really leaves such an impression. Coupled with the narration of the letter, it really captures the impact of Josh on Liza’s life and Liza’s genuine commitment to make her relationship with Charles work. If this show was wanting to move these characters past this old relationship it would have been a poignant and perfect way to do it. However it plays out in the long run, I thought it was really well done.

The hands down highlight of this entire episode for me was Diana’s bachelorette party. Lauren running at an unsuspecting Diana screaming, ‘get in the Hummer bitch’ is one of the funniest moments of the series, I will be laughing for eternity. Liza reminding Diana that, ‘I get you’, yes she does and I just love everything about seeing these women, all the Younger women, out together. I feel like the focus of this episode really got pulled to the other drama but this is the first time we’ve ever seen every female character of this show together in a room and I feel like THIS IS A BIG DEAL. Maggie schooling Diana on how strip clubs work and SO many brilliant lines, as Diana waves her money in the air only to tell the first stripper, ‘You’re a lot, no thank you’, then ‘Hi, little one’ as she flags another. The hilarity does not stop with Diana, Lauren’s, ‘here’s a fiver, you should smile more’ is every kind of YES (I sense a whiff of Liz Lemon in that line and I approve). As Liza and Kelsey talk about men and work and blah, Diana tries to bring them back to the purpose of the evening, ‘ladies, there are bulging crotches in your faces, can you focus?’. Listen to the Queen people. Yet another Diana wedding related event in which she ends up asking, ‘how did tonight become all about you?’ and I was thinking the same Diva. *Eyeroll*

The Hummer ends up at Inkburg because Lauren wants to help Diana fulfil her wish of doing something she’ll regret for the rest of her life (and obviously the reason they all need to be there is so Liza and Josh can have their post-letter confrontation). They are all so drunk, it’s hilarious and I would watch an entire feature film about the antics of this group while inebriated. Seriously, take my money. From Lauren’s, ‘Get out of the hummer Doana’ to Maggie’s, ‘I forgot we were in a car’, they cover the entire drunk person spectrum. On top of that we have Diana’s penis balloon hat position which just cracks me up because I am 10 but my fave is Diana saying to Josh, ‘John, just something small, tasteful and literary’ and then as she’s leaving, ‘it was nice to meet you Jake’. Obvs a wise choice not to go through with the tat but I’d love to know what Diana would have ended up with.

Josh calling Liza out on writing the letter and trying to walk away never talking to him was completely fair enough. Him reminding her that she said she would always be there for him, be Gemma’s aunt Liza, he’s not wrong and his hurt and confusion are understandable. But it is so nice to finally hear Liza making a choice and sticking to it (whether she does or not in the future). Josh saying that he gets it, she’s scared of what they were, they still are, it’s powerful and her defensiveness of Charles when he says that she’s making the safe choice is exactly the right response if she really means she has chosen him. And not because I love Charles and Liza together, but because Liza is standing up for her choice and her ‘don’t you tell me what I feel’ retort is so charged and fierce and I love it. ‘I know this is hard to accept Josh, but we were a moment in time. But the time has passed’ - this whole scene is wonderfully acted, the chemistry between these characters has always been strong and this is no exception. And obviously I agree that they need to move on. However my second big disappointment for this episode is the, ‘you forget Liza, I know you. I know when you’re lying (a couple of seasons of thinking she was 26 might contradict that but ok), especially to yourself.’

I absolutely understand the sentiment and I completely appreciate the setup for the zinger, ‘you wrote a letter to the wrong guy’ (though I do take issue with that line in general considering Liza has just said she’s made her choice. Even a simple, ‘I think’ in front of it would’ve made it less arrogant), but if this setup is leading to a Josh and Liza reunion down the track, then I would have preferred the execution be different because to me, this is not insightful or romantic, it’s Josh once again questioning Liza’s understanding of herself and her needs (I know it’s meant to be him trying to get her to ‘be real’ but it just doesn’t land like that for me). I have no doubt lots of fans are jubilant but it feels manipulative and is not a tactic that compels me to think they might have something worth revisiting. If after Liza said, ‘I love him more’ Josh had looked at her with that heartbreak in his eyes he can convey so well and said, ‘well then I hope he loves you the way you deserve’ or something and walked away, then THAT would show growth and make the possibility of him being an option again (which is clearly where this is all heading) far more compelling IMO.

So in one of the best bait and switch moments this show has delivered, Liza returns to the loft and has a good hard look at the gala photo with Charles and Michelle and Tom (and in my head she’s thinking about how good it is she and Charles promised each other they won’t go to things like that anymore) before we see another letter starting, Dear Charles. And just when all the Team Charles Stans were going to have a collective meltdown, it turns out it’s Kelsey writing her resignation letter and we all exhaled but then didn’t because Kelsey, what are you doing??? So. Much. DRAH-MAH, so little time.

Ramble Lite™, that was a good joke wasn’t it? Can’t believe we’ve reached the finale but I am also very ready because WE GET TO GO TO A WEDDING!!!! Better get my neckwear sorted…

#youngertv #younger tv #ramble #6x11 #younger season 6 #liza miller #charles brooks #diana trout #kelsey peters #maggie amato #liza x charles #team charles #review

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