#I fall in love (everyday with someone new)
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cw: Bakugou dies but comes back to life, “comes back wrong” trope, implied fighting, angst
When Bakugou died, you’re not sure how you went on living. Grief had taken over your life, sat you in the passenger side while it cruised off the highway into icy waters. And even then, you couldn’t find the energy to drown.
It’s why there’s a sudden uptick of energy when you’re promised to have him back. Some top scientists contact you months after his death, tell you to hurry down to the headquarters labs, come and rejoice for what you’re about to witness. And you’re horrified, to say the least.
“This isn’t my husband.” Are your first words when you walk in, watch the figure on the other side of the glass examine its own hands. It looks like your husband but—but his hair isn’t the right shade of blond all over. His nose bridge had a slight bump after a scuffle with a villain. He had a scar on his hand but—but it never looked like it was to sew a pinky beside the other fingers.
“Is that really my husband?” You ask next in disbelief, slowly entering the room. Bakugou’s head snaps up, his eyes a little brighter than you remember but—they hold so much emotion. So much memory, so much panic, so much guilt.
“I left you.” He mutters, his voice raspy and ragged, and you wonder if it’ll always be like this now. It makes you cry a little harder than it should, but you only embrace each other. He’s cold and his shoulders don’t hold the same mass and his back doesn’t carry the same scars. There’s one, jagged and rough, running down his back, and you think, you think that’s where they slipped a new spine in.
“Welcome back home.” You tell him, weeks after meeting him again, new and not totally—Katsuki. He’s stiff and he doesn’t immediately take off his boots when he enters, and it worries you. Makes you think if you’ve just let a stranger into your home, one that has stolen your dead husbands face. Makes you wonder if he’ll be as loving as Katsuki once was, or if he’ll become your monster looming over you with the guilt of not being able to rest anymore.
“I’ve missed you so much.” You whisper against his mouth one night, a little while after he’s moved back. You don’t know why you lay under him, why you let him nestle himself inside of you, why you let him hold you against his chest. Katsuki always ran his hands over your cheeks and neck whenever he held you like this, but this…man, only holds himself up with his hands resting beside your head. It’s alien, how he looks at you, how his hips are methodically measured with every thrust, how he kisses you every 8 seconds. You wonder if he’s more robot than Frankenstein monster.
“Why did you come back to me like this?” You ask him one night, barricaded in the bathroom away from him. You can hear his sobs on the other side, his pleading to be let in. He tells you he never wanted to come back if he had to be like this, that he’s sorry, please let him in, he misses the warmth of your skin, he’s never been so cold before, he’s never liked the cold.
“Is this considered cheating?” You ask yourself aloud one night, when Bakugou is forced back to the lab when he becomes too…un-Bakugou. To sleep with a man that is your husband in every way but? Your husband has been dead for a year now, and yet you stroke the chin of the man that tries so hard to be him everyday, but fails so miserably at it every time.
“I’ll come back to you right this time.” Bakugou promises to you when he’s strapped down to leave for the lab and before he’s sedated. But you don’t believe him—you never did. Your husband is dead, and this animated corpse has been nothing but a cheap mockery of everything you’ve lost and something you will never truly get back.
#I was writing this and then checked my dash and saw another post about this#and felt so guilty and almost didn’t post it aidjdkfj#but I love this trope too much to delete it!!!!!#I’ve written about this in my published book before and it’s one of my favorite things I’ve ever written#there’s just such a deep heartache about having to grieve someone#and then the grieving process being interrupted by the one you lost#and battling with their death even though you still look at them everyday again#but it’s just not right?? it’s not the same??#they have the same face (kinda) but it’s truly not hem#not them* heck#it reminds me of a convo I had in a psych class about making a new cloned version of yourself#where the question was ‘is the clone/new version still you? or are they an entirely new person now?’#and at first I said they’re still me you know? they have my face n body n memories#but my prof told me no!! after they have been cloned they are sentient and are now their own person making new memories apart from you#and I thought that was soooo interesting and it makes me fall in love w this trope every time#you’re my person but only a version. you’re who I love but a newer person. you’re not them. you’re everything I’ve missed about them#so heartbreaking I LOVE ITTTT#sorry I’m rapping it’s the sleep meds kicking in#okay bai#bakugou treats! 🍬#—new treat in the streets! 🍫
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It is very obvious to me that I like music that tells stories. (ALL music tells stories. Every song tells a story.) I like concept albums, I like musicals.
Therefore I find it very funny both that my favorite Mech’s album is one of the two that don’t have an overarching story *and* that my favorite My Chem album is the one that doesn’t have an overarching story.
#the mechanisms#but also other music#i need to ho through and actually look at all the music i like and make a list of what all falls into the ‘overarching story’ category#i like american idiot. specifically i *really* like the broadway soundtrack#i was a theatre kid raised on classic rock and 90s alternative#i fucking love meatloafs music#i have so many music recs if anyone wants music recs please hmu#i do enjoy also that ‘mech’ and ‘chem’ are the same letters#mcr is my Roommates thing. it is Not Allowed to be my thing. but there was a hog minute ghat i listened to bullets at least 1x/day everyday#please please please im begging you to hmu if you want music recs.#i have a hard time desiring new media but i also would love to dump some recs on someone
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🌙☁️🌌
#evenings and nights are always the worst for me#when i feel this lonely.... :(((#when you're alone the nights are the worst bc#u dont have anyone at all really.. and it gets so obvious at night#just .. the loneliness gets intensified#and i can compare bc#there was a period of time where i talked to someone everyday#and i looked forward to the nights and their messages and comforing goodnight messages#and so i know firsthand what big of a difference that makes#for years and years i've had these bad loneliness feelings tho.. so it's not smth new#but it gets harder and harder to deal with them. esp as the world outside is getting colder and crueler#and people only get more and more mean#plus when i do have smth wonderful that made me warm and happy and comforted that i dont have anymore#and can compare and know what im missing#it does get harder :c#i try to watch videos and think of other things but oh god this loneliness hurts so damn much i crumble underneath the weight of it#maybe life will get better dealing with it all if i have a stable income and an apartment with my pets#and go to work all day and come home too tired to feel lonely... idk?#im so scared i'll never find someone that i can be together with. bc i think im the kind of person who needs that#but im also so different and difficult and idk how and if it'll happen....#and how do i live with these heavy painful feelings of extreme loneliness ? idk :c#i try mindfulness too. and listening to music. and reading. and cuddling my pets#but im just a human. i want someone i love to hold me and fall asleep with them close to me.#i wanna lie in bed and talk to them abt anything bc between us it is a judgement free zone#despite what ppl say i am not weak for needing and wanting that. and being incredibly alone without it.#it's what i need and want but idk if i ever will and the thought of being stuck with this heavy loneliness all my life makes me wanna die#ok. peace out 😑✌️
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to add on to the philosophy of 'you're not unattractive you're just not your type' -
sometimes, you gotta see yourself in other people first in order to comprehend your own beauty
this works both in body positive and in gender affirming ways of course. who among us has not felt better about the things that cause us gender dysphoria after seeing someone else w the same features absolutely own it?
but today i'm mostly thinking about being at the grocery store and seeing the beauty in a stranger's exposed belly as their skin folds when they reach around for something and their croptop rides up, hips turning and revealing pale stretch marks.
like. oh. yeah my belly folds like that. my hips look like that. and they're beautiful.
or when a cashier at the gas station laughs at a joke you made and when they smile it's all pink gums and little peeking teeth.
and you think wow. what a lovely smile. i smile like that.
idk. i just think that falling in love with the mundane beauty of the people around you can sometimes help remind you of your own quiet beauty.
#i am feeling hozier's 'i fall in love just a little bit oh a little bit everyday with someone new' in this chili's tonight#and i am adding self-love to it as a logical conclusion to the concept#im from the 'fake it till you make it' school of thought so i dont relate exactly to many ppls body image struggles#bc i just decided one day to start acting and treating myself like i was god's gift to humanity and the sexiest bitch on earth#until i trickedy brain into believing a palatable version of that confidence#but ye. i love the human body and that's gotta include mine by default so#body posititivity#does this fall under that#yea probably#sketchy speaks
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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Hozier really knew what life was really about when he wrote Someone New
#its true!! god knows i fall in love just a little bit everyday with someone new#hozier#LOVE WITH EVERY STRANGER THE STRANGER THE BETTER!!!!!
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The way I really have a type in men and it's funny/twisted humor, brown hair, wears glasses, obviously not well mental health wise but still tries make everyone laugh, nerdy, borderline emotionally unavailable, excellent taste in music, medium - long hair (bonus if they have a beard and/or accent) 😅
#fictional or not i can think of at least five (5) guys who fits that description#😅😅#bro was playing Mumford and Sons and later on went and played the Optimist album by FINNEAS?!??#just out here falling in love just a little oh little bit everyday with someone new
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Sometimes work sucks and then sometimes I get lucky enough to interact with a gorgeous woman with the most beautiful smile who thanked me so much for doing like. The bare minimum. To help her, and she was so pretty and so kind that I'm still thinking about her 12 hours after the fact
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when i fall in love and marry all of the tumblr gvf fandom then what
#you’re all literally so stunning#i’m speechless everytime#like ??????#you’re all out there looking like that ????#incredible amazing showstopping#when hozier said i fall in love just a little bit everyday with someone new he was talking about me with all of you#greta van fleet#gvf#danny wagner#danny gvf#josh kiszka#josh gvf#sam kiszka#sam gvf#jake kiszka#jake gvf#peaceful army
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me when i don't fall in love with everyone
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in the past few weeks i’ve had multiple strangers approach me saying they love watching my expressions about things……. heart warming
#was at a boho market at a brewery last night and there was an event photographer#she kept taking pictures of my mom and i (very nice) and when we were leaving she stopped me to tell me. how much she enjoyed watching me#smell candles….. idk. what hozier said. i fall in love just a little bit everyday with someone new or something
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psa: when i say kaz has a crush on everyone, i mean everyone. literally no ship with him is too odd or out of then question because no matter if its platonic, romantic, “rivals”, hate fucks, etc etc he will at some point have a crush on your muse at least a little bit
#he can always find something to latch on to#you know that hozier song with the line 'i fall in love just a little bit everyday with someone new'?#thats kaz in a nutshell#he has so much love to give#ooc#muse: kazuichi soda#headcanons
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incredibly hot guy in the bus pls feel the good vibes im sending you
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I saw the most beautiful woman today She had red hair and was wearing a dress that looked like a bouquet
Where the flowers real or was it all in my head I know I like to romance the could have been
Could she have been mine if I had taken the time to ask her if the color of her hair was real and what magic permitted to sway like a burning flame
Or if I had been shy but bided my time and not had run away would she have taken my hand made me understand that she wanted me to stay
Look at me
Look at me
Aren't I so confident dreaming that she would even give me the time of day so all I can say is...
I saw the most beautiful woman today she had red hair and I fell in love like I always do.
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I'm being stupid about feelings bc one time a classmate saw my scarf and asked me if he could try it on and i said "yeah sure bro" and he put it on for a bit said it was nice and when he took it off he put it on me and it both felt intimate in a weird way and also the look from a few people around us is still making me think about what the fuck that was
Now, it was months ago but i still talk with the guy and he tried to invite me for lunch or something tomorrow at a mall and i had to tell him that while i think it'd be nice that maybe we shouldn't do that at a mall on christmas eve and he was like "oh right it's christmas soon lmao yeah sure" but. I plan on going if we decide to do it another day but. I don't know his intentions and i don't know my opinions about it help
#my posts#i said i was being stupid over feelings and im right!#hes nice and all and he at least cares about me and as far as i know means well#but i dont know if thats for reasons or not#i also dont know if thats only why idk how i feel like#i like being liked sometimes thats enough for me bc i feel unlovable lmao#so any bit of attention has me going so idk if i think i like him bc i do and im just unsure#or if i think i do bc i dont and i like the attention lmao#this has being on the back of my brain for a while btw#but i also had a bit of a crush on a guy bc he was happy to see me once and was so cute it did something to me lmao#and an actual crush on someone who i know doesnt like me back so my emotions are sorta like okay with that situation#like he us very pretty and nice but its okay i think#.. also theres the friend ive had feelings for over 9 years lmao#hozier was so right i fall in love a little everyday with someone new(?#i do think im the kind of person who can feel stuff for more than one person but also? unsure maybe#anyways im done with this lmao
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Hi can we please have fluff w Aventurine where reader and him reunite after 2. 1 and just fucking elope start a new life etc? Please I need it.
God yes. This is what we all need after 2.1. I'm aware he is in a coma-like state technically now but for the sake of fluff and this headcanon he is awake from that coma and is now reuniting with you. CW: Spoilers for 2.1 and Aventurines actual name, starts angsty but then turns fluffy, Gn reader, pre established relationship hurt/comfort
I am still accepting requests (especially for aven) btw so if you wanna see something send it in!
Back in your arms
You had lost track of how long it was since Aventurine left for his mission in Penacony. Has it been 2 months? No, probably more. It had been months since you last had been able to make contact with him. Your messages no longer went through, unable to be sent.
Looking at your textlog and scrolling up, you came across the last message he had sent you. It had come in while you were asleep, and it simply read “I love you”.
Waking up to that message would have been a sweet message for most people, but for you it had made you immensely worried.
Aventurine was never someone who professed his love openly, so such messages were quite rare. Receiving such a message, especially unprompted, made you send him a barricade of texts, none of which went through and even now months later none were able to be sent.
If you were honest you were starting to lose hope of ever seeing him again, who knows what happened in Penacony after all? He could be…dead for all you knew, you had no way to verify whether that was true or not after all.
You tried continuing your life on as you would normally, what else could you do? It was hard though, everyday you missed him more and more. Sometimes you imagined his face in a crowd somewhere but whenever you would take a closer look he would vanish.
Sighing you closed your phone and looked around your apartment, it felt so liveless ever since Aventurine was gone. Tears were falling down your eyes as you wondered how much longer you had to live with the uncertainty of where he was and if he was even alive.
Exhaustion was taking over as you began falling asleep. A common occurrence nowadays, since at night you were restless, unable to fall asleep as you worried. Just as you were beginning to fully doze off, you heard the door to your apartment open, immediately waking up.
No one but you and Aventurine had the key, and with him being absent panic coursed through you thinking someone was breaking and entering. You grabbed the nearest heavy thing to defend yourself with.
“For fucks sake…” You muttered as you made your way to where the noises were coming from. Cursing every entity out there for piling even more shit onto you as if your significant other being possibly dead wasn’t enough.
Readying your weapon (probably a heavy book) you stepped foot into the room where the noise was coming from ready to attack and hit the intruder. But once you saw who it was that was in your appartment, you dropped your makeshift weapon, a sob escaping your mouth.
Before you stood Aventurine, alive and breathing. You rubbed your eyes, making sure that this wasn’t your mind playing a cruel trick on you again. Aventurine watched you with a smirk on his, albeit very exhausted looking, face and his eyes held a new found softness you had never seen before.
You fell into his arms immediately, holding him tightly against your body, feeling his warmth. Desperately you grabbed at his clothes as you held on to him, scared this was all just a dream and you would wake up all alone once again. Tears were falling from your eyes, unable to hold them back, the relief washing over you making you let out all of your emotions.
“Wow you missed me that much?” He asked, in his usual teasing tone. Though there was something in his voice that usually wasn’t there. Desperation and a bit of fear. Was he afraid you wouldn’t have missed him? Or was there a deeper reason for it?
Moving away from the hug you grabbed his face in your hands, the tears still falling from your eyes as you took a good look at him. His face had fallen in, and he seemed exhausted. But there was also something in his eyes, his beautiful eyes you were so sure you would never see again, that you couldn’t recognize, having never seen it on him before.
Before you spoke your first words to him, you pulled his face closer and gently kissed him. The feeling of his lips on yours felt like you were floating in heaven. They may have been more chapped than usual, but fuck was it nice to feel him again. Breaking the kiss you finally were able to muster up your first words to him.
“Fuck…I was so worried about you…I…When my messages stopped being able to sent I was…so sure you…Please…never worry me like that again Aventurine…”
You leaned your forehead against his, your words jumbled together from the adrenaline coursing through you.
He took in a deep breath, and held it for a moment before letting it out. A gesture you saw in many people before they needed to say something important and heavy, but one you never saw in your lover.
“...Kakavasha…” His voice seemed unsure and meek as he spoke.
You, of course, had no idea what he was saying, so you looked into his eyes confused.
“Wha-”
“Kakavasha…it is…my given name. The one my mother gave me” He inhaled deeply before he continued.
“It is a long story but the short version is…I am no longer affiliated with the IPC, they probably think I died or something. So I no longer go by Aventurine, and…with how close we are and how much you mean to me. I felt like it was appropriate for you to know my true name...”
His eyes refused to look at you, flickering about unsurely as he spoke. Though he tried to sound confident, his voice wavered, scared that you would not accept him for who he truly was and reject his true self.
You looked at him gently and with all the love you had for him, gently pulling him close again and kissing his nose.
“Well then…It is nice to meet you Kakavasha…” You smiled brightly at him, showing him you accepted him as he was.
He felt relief course through his body and could not help himself but pull you into a passionate kiss. He kissed you like you were the oxygen he needed to stay alive. As if he would die without you.
Breaking the kiss he whispered “Marry me.” It wasn’t a question but a request. One that you were too stunned to answer to, looking at him with wide eyes.
“I mean it. Let’s get married, run away from everything and start a new life just you and me.”
His eyes were pleading with you to agree. He knew that he wanted to start over, but he knew he needed you with him.
“...yes!!” You once again fell into his arms and kissed him. The two of you holding each other so closely it was as if you were one.
Kakavasha knew that he would need to tell you everything that happened in Penacony at one point, even the part where he tried to end his life. But he knew that if he explained everything to you, you would still stay by his side and be with him.
You were his family after all.
#honkai star rail#honkai star rail x reader#hsr#hsr x reader#honkai star rail spoilers#hsr spoilers#aventurine#hsr aventurine#aventurine x reader#hsr aventurine x reader#honkai aventurine#kakavasha#aventurine fluff#honkai star rail imagines#hsr imagines#aventurine honkai star rail#aventurine x you#hsr x you#hsr 2.1
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