#I ended up stopping doing this tho because I wasn’t sure of the ethics of deliberately trying to drive wedges into the sanity of

[nyaa]

what got you so into pulling slight pranks like the pictures actually being gifs stuff

short answer is last year when I came back to tumlr for awhile i made this gif for that yugioh reblog

and people started commenting in the tags about how they felt they were losing their minds not realizing it was a gif at first so I got really into the idea of how I could play with the website itself as a medium to illicit a distorted perception of things. not out of malice. It a sort of vicarious thing for me.

You know when you were really young (before internet access) and playing a weird video game and u didn’t know why things were happening the way they were because you hadn’t quite grasped the concept of game development, or like whether or not something was a glitch or intentional (I played a lot of majoras mask and morrowind as a young kid) that’s kinda the feeling I like to bristle against.

[babayagakeanu]

How Will I Know? -part one

Pairing: Jethro Gibbs/reader 

Summary: in which the reader is hopelessly in love with her boss, who is completely oblivious.

Warnings: none for now

Word count: 1397

A/N: This is my first chapter fic/Gibbs fic ever so pls be nice 🥺

Your boss was known for his elusiveness to technology. He still didn’t know how to properly search the internet on his phone, nor send a comprehendible text. The team and you had teased him for months about his typo on “Caesar salad” in which he actually typed “sexual salad”. You all were confused as to how he managed to type that bad of a typo, but nevertheless, teasing ensued. Tony was doing the most of it while you and Kate were giggling into your paperwork. Gibbs had managed to crack a smile while also getting up to smack  Tony in the head. You were just finishing up the case that the team just solved, and you were looking forward to having a few drinks with your co-workers. You were going to Kate’s after you finished up at your desk to get ready with her before carpooling to the pub that McGee and Abby picked out. 

“Gibbs, are you coming to the pub with us?” Abby asked Gibbs, sitting down in McGee’s lap as he typed some things into the computer. Gibbs grunted, looking up from his papers, stopping to sip his coffee before answering. “Uh, yeah. Sure, why not?” Your stomach sank, knowing that Gibbs was going to be there tonight worried you. Now, you really had to figure out what to wear and how to style your hair. “I might even bring the red-head I met while on the job last week.” You couldn’t stand to hear another word of this so you moved from your desk, setting the file down on Gibbs’ desk, and walking out of the office without a word. Gibbs noticed this, and watched as you left, a pang leaving his gut feeling empty. 

Kate’s apartment was cute, decorated well and felt homey. You had entered with a large duffle bag stuffed with different outfit options and all the makeup you had. 

“Jeez, Y/n, are you going away for a week?” Kate snorts, leading you into the large bedroom in which you two would get ready in. “How are you feeling after today?” You sighed, knowing full well that she would bring what happened between you and Gibbs up when you were to get ready together. “I don’t really know, Kate. I’m disappointed because for once, I thought we were finally getting closer to each other. I mean, he told me about his first wife!”

“Wait! He did?” Kate’s eyes almost bulge out of her head and your response to her is nodding while finishing the final touch of your makeup. Gibbs had opened up to you about his first wife while out on lunch with you. Part of you hoped he was taking you on a date, but then he didn’t ride back home with you after, instead he hopped into a Mercedes with some red-headed chick and sped off. 

“Yep. Then he got up after we finished and left with some other girl.”

“Ouch, wrong move, Gibbs.” You nod, sighing as you looked down at her bed, her sheets forgotten under the mile-high pile of clothing. You opted for some bell bottoms that hugged your curves, and a tube top that tied at your waist and shined under the moonlight. You looked as good as you felt, and were ready to show up Gibbs female toy. You paired the looks with chunky earrings and heels and you and Kate called a cab to make your way to the pub, letting Dinozzo know in the process. 

——

“Gibbs!” Tony called out, watching as his boss lugged beers back to the table in preparation for the others to come. “Y/N and Kate are on their way here!” Gibbs nods and Tony doesn’t know if it’s nerves or Gibbs just hates going out, but he looked worried, like he was hoping for someone to be there. It wasn’t any longer than 10 minutes of awkward silence between Dinozzo and Gibbs before you guys showed up, ironically saving the day. You two looked around the room before you spotted Tony and Gibbs.

“Wow, Y/N looks sex-”

“Wanna finish that sentence, Dinozzo?” Gibbs shoots him a hard glare, a mechanism he can’t control all that well. Tony was right tho, you did look sexy. Your skin glowed even under the dim lighting of the bar and Gibbs eyes gave you an inspection as you walked to the table. He looked on as your hips swayed, your navel looking absolutely sinful. You reached the table and Gibbs cleared his throat, greeting the two of you with a small smirk and a nod. You were relieved to find that Gibbs’ lady friend was there, so you could get tipsy without being so uptight about her being in your general vicinity. You look at your beer, before shaking your head and returning it to the bartender, asking for something else.

“A glass of Bernheim. Neat.” You tell the bartender, and you feel a presence slide in next to you. Hoping it’s not some random, you look to your left to be meet with Gibbs. 

“Didn’t take you for a bourbon girl.” He notes, ordering himself a glass. 

“Correction, bourbon woman.” You point a finger at him, laughing as he rolls his eyes. “My mistake, y/n.” He adds, and there’s a subtle warmth to his tone, like your name was meant to roll off his tongue. There’s a moment of silence before you speak. “Where’s your little lady friend?” His head turns to you and you shrug. “I thought she was coming.” You sip your glass, eyes not moving to glance at him as you finish your sentence. There’s an edge to your voice, and you’re pretty sure Gibbs notices this, but he doesn’t seem to say anything. 

“I’m not seeing her anymore.” he says, signaling the bartender for another round, which you gladly accept, gulping down the amber liquid, not even realizing the agonizing burn in your throat. 

“Oh,” was all you said, and you were glad because while you knew she was Gibbs type, she was uptight and needy, as if she wasn’t her own person without Gibbs. You knew Gibbs’ type. Laidback, easy on the eyes, independent and strong. All things you knew you were yet he still never made a move, insert rule number twelve. 

———————————————————————————————————-

You were on your fourth bourbon and you were edging drunk, but still managed to have your coordination and your voice never slurred. Your arms brushed against Gibbs’ a little, and he got a hint of your perfume; smoky, with a singe of vanilla at the end. You smelled like a warm campfire, and God help him if he didn’t get a little stiff in his pants. 

You stared at him, looking deep into his steely blue eyes and you think back to all the missed lunch dates with him, the flirtatious glances and remarks, his hand brushing against your lower back as he passes you in the office, everything single thing he does, it bothers you because you can’t tell him how you feel because of that fucking rule #12. 

“You know, Gibbs...” You start, “I have to get something off my chest.”

His head turns to you, “Okay.” 

You took a deep breath, letting it out as you spoke. “For a while, I was quiet and apprehensive towards you. It wasn’t because I feared you, but because I respected your work ethic and your boundaries. It wasn’t until we started to go out to lunch together, talking about our daily lives and getting to know each other as more than boss and employee.” You look at him, and find him gazing intently at you. You clear your throat again. “I’m in love with you. All of you, Jethro. You make me feel things that I haven’t felt since my junior year in college. I know about rule number twelve, and if that’s something you can’t break, then consider me gone from this team and you won’t see me again.” A tear slips from your eye, and you quickly wipe it away. 

“How long have you felt this way?” he asks, and you knew you were screwed once you tell him. You were silent, but begrudgingly answer. “Ever since I joined.”

It’s painfully silent, you could hear a pin drop. Your heart breaks when Gibbs gets up from the table, and leaves you to sulk in your bourbon.

[ziracona]

i was just wondering what your favourite tropes and dynamics are to explore in fic? either to write yourself or to read!

Oooh, that’s a hard one to answer because I like so many! Uhhh...Let me think.

Well, one of my favorite tropes is definitely Found Family. What is really more satisfying and worthwhile than a group of damaged people coming together and slowly building trust and love until they are inseparably bonded and full of love and have found things they never thought they would? 

I am extremely weak to memory loss both because I have some myself, and the American Dragon Jake Long episode Homecoming ripped out my heart as a kid and left me suffering, then Code Geass stepped on it twice with Shirley the same way. So I really like memory loss centered tragedy tropes bc I am 3x weak to them. I am also weak to that trope where one person is trapped in a room with a bomb, or going to drown, or for whatever reason cannot be saved from dying, so a loved one goes and stays and dies with them too just so they don’t have to die alone. Frkn /shatters/ my heart.

I love hurt comfort a lot. I think my favorite scenes to write and read are often one person is completely at the mercy of person 2, who they have no reason to think will help them and are terrified of being hurt by, but instead of person 2 doing anything bad at all, they are kind and look after them and save them. I die for that. It is the lifeblood of my soul.

I also like big character arcs and well done redemption arcs (bad ones make me rage tho. If I was a card in a tarot deck, I’d be Justice). Personal growth, finding hope again, learning to trust or love yourself. I really like character studies, and I like in-depth looks at serious issues and complex and messed up situations. I also am a big fan of deeply important and lasting platonic relationships, be it familial or best friends or whatever, and like romances where the two in question (or more if poly) just try really hard to be good to each other and communicate well and are full of love and would die for each other. 

Love pets being a big element of story. Love language barriers, and like writing them/communication barriers. I am usually not very interested in stories (writing or reading) that don’t have good rep in a number of ways. Like writing disabled characters well because I see them get written very grossly so much (I like writing tons of groups this is just the one I did most recently, so it’s on my mind rn. I am disabled, but I’m also a lot of other things to & def don’t only focus on/be interested by my own stuff). I am kinda branching out from tropes to just elements now tho. Uhhhhh, tropes, tropes. I love the opposite of that stupid “If you kill an evil person you’re just as bad”--I am here to see people end the people who murdered their friends or abused them. It’s what they deserve. Not here for a woobie redemption arc for an abuser. Very tired of those & angy. 

I love humor in the midst of intense drama or horror or sadness. I’m big into massive sacrifices, but especially if it’s something other than death bc those tend to be more well thought out.

I adore characters who have been through awful things and suffered and been abused getting to actually heal and live happy lives instead of just dying the second they start to taste happiness. I love themes and tropes about the value and lasting nature of human connection and how important and lasting it is.

(putting the rest under a cut bc I am having fun but this be getting long)

Uhhh, I am obsessed with free will > fate and choice, and I really like humanity and things about what it means to be human, and ethics, but like, in an interesting way? Like, Terry Pratchett’s stuff really appeals to me. Like  “What have I always believed? That on the whole, and by and large, if a man lived properly, not according to what any priests said, but according to what seemed decent and honest inside, then it would, at the end, more or less, turn out all right.”    “Just because you can explain it doesn't mean it's not still a miracle.”   “The figures looked more or less human. And they were engaged in religion. You could tell by the knives (it's not murder if you do it for a god).”   “There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot easily be duplicated by a normal kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has a job to do.”    “There’s no point in believing in things that exist.”    “You couldn’t put off the inevitable. Because sooner or later, you reached the place when the inevitable just went and waited.”  and   

“Yeah? How many worshipers have you got?”  “Fifty-one!” The newt looked at him hopefully, and added, “Is that lots? Can't count.” It pointed at a rather crudely molded figure on the beach in Omnia and said, “But got a stake!”  Om looked at the figure of the little fisherman. “When he dies, you'll have fifty worshippers,” he said.  “That more or less than fifty-one?” “A lot less.”  “Definite?”  “Yes.”  “No one tell me that.” There were several dozen gods watching the beach. Om vaguely remembered the Ephebian statues. There was the goddess with the badly carved owl. Yes. Om rubbed his head. This wasn't god-like thinking. It seemed simpler when you were up here. It was all a game. You forgot that it wasn't a game down there. People died. Bits got chopped off. We're like eagles up here, he thought. Sometimes we show a tortoise how to fly. Then we let go.  He said, to the occult world in general, “There's people going to die down there.”  A Tsortean God of the Sun did not even bother to look round. “That's what they're for,” he said. In his hand he was holding a dice box that looked very much like a human skull with rubies in the eye-sockets.  “Ah, yes,” said Om. “I forgot that, for a moment.” He looked at the skull, and then turned to the little Goddess of Plenty. “What's this, love? A cornucopia? Can I have a look? Thanks.” Om emptied some of the fruit out. Then he nudged the Newt God. “If I was you, friend, I'd find something long and hefty,” he said.  “Is one less than fifty-one?” said P'Tang-P'Tang.  “It's the same,” said Om, firmly. He eyed the back of the Tsortean God's head.  “But you have thousands,” said the Newt God. “You fight for thousands.”  Om rubbed his forehead. I spent too long down there, he thought. I can't stop thinking at ground level. “I think,” he said, “I think, if you want thousands, you have to fight for one.” He tapped the Solar God on the shoulder. “Hey, sunshine?” When the God looked around, Om broke the cornucopia over his head.

Are all just from Small Gods, and like, boy is that my kinda good shit. Love history and sociology and anthropology. 

I love people fighting to do something they know is doomed to fail just because they know it’s the right thing. I also die for characters who are loyal undyingly, and characters admitting they were wrong and trying to do better, and that trope where someone says something but the exact opposite is happening in the background or happens immediately after. Love that trope where someone should be dead but they just. keep. getting. back. up. to defend someone they love. Love the trope where character A dies and character B takes something of theirs like a bracelet or a necklace or a headband or something and wears it forever after. : (((    

I know there’s a ton more but ima swap to dynamics. 

Let’s see. I adore familial relationships so much? Blood family, adopted, doesn’t matter, it’s exactly the same. I am huge on one character becoming team mom or dad or parent, or adopting some of the others. I love parent-kid relationships, even with adults and older adults, because it’s just as important. I adore small children being cared for by gruff war-hardened people, or selfish dicks who have to be better for the kid, or kind people who always wanted a kid and lost their own or never had one, or who are happy to add one more, or big sisters Clemtine style stepping into parenthood. Live for that, and I seek out video games that let me play it. Very excited to be trying out Plague’s Tale Innocence, because you play as a big sis taking care of your little brother (he’s like 6? 5-8? I’m not sure). But it’s such a neat idea for a sibling dynamic to explore, because while they’re siblings and know each other’s name and have like, a familial bond, it’s also all kind of awkward and new, because he’s been sick for years and in quarantine with just their mom, so even though they’re siblings and love each other and like, baby brother trusts you, they don’t really know each other at all, and that is just fascinating and so cool to explore to me! I also love someone adopting someone else as their new sibling(s) and dragging them into the family. I love siblings where one starts to go evil or mess up, and the other sibling fights with everything they have to save them/bring them back/help them become good again, because it breaks my heart and sibling relationships are /so/ important to me.

I also love shit like Jeff in dbd, where one character adopts younger characters who just /super/ don’t deserve it, because as much as they’ve fucked up, they love them anyway, they just do, and they want to be there to give them support and a chance to keep trying if they’ll take it. And like, I love all of Legion’s relationships with him, but especially Joey, because it’s /so/ sweet, and Joey is just a scared kid hurting and alone and he wants /so bad/ just to be loved and thought well of and okay, but he’s terrified of getting hurt or killed, and confused, and guilty and afraid of what will happen because of all the bad shit he did, and Jeff is just so warm and forgiving and full of nothing but unconditional love and kindness, and in the sincerest of ways, and they’re such good friends, which is like, not optional to a good parent-child relationship. Or way older brother filling in for parent-kid, there’s a lot of overlap. Anyway! Also just cute shit where someone falls in love with the idea of getting to look out for and stay close to someone younger they want to protect and parent, and there’s this kind of hopeful and almost fragile unsureness that the other person will want or need them in that capacity, like Ace adopting Nea, and not just picking looking out for someone who needs it over former life of thrill, but like, never regretting that choice, and just being truly happy and fulfilled in the adventure they now are on.

For friendships, god. I like so much shit, I don’t know what to say. I am so sorry I am giving you a novel for an answer to this short ask, rip. But I just love all kinds! I like groups with an established rhetoric between them, who are just so comfortable in each others’ presence, and people you know love and value each other so much they’re going to be together forever just as much as the two other characters getting married. I love one is a nice person, and the other is an asshole, but they make an amazing team and balance each other out, and the asshole stops the kind one from dying doing shit for other people, and the kind one helps the asshole be just a little more in love with their friends and things other than themself, and they’re great together. I love idiot friends who riff off each other and do bits all the time, and ones who turn into the “Holy shit there’s two of them” whenever they hang out, and ones who are just so on the same wavelength they’re totally comfortable in silence together and seek it out and would die for the other. I like wingman to person who is dying of embarrassment dynamic, and hardcore fighty person protecting either small and easily hurt person, or just as great, protecting dedicatedly person who is ironically either just as tough as them or even more, but it’s still really sweet and kind of double soft and sweet because tough friend never gets cared for.

God, what don’t I like? ...People being toxic assholes together?

I like super opposites that mesh well, but look hilarious next to each other, and goofy best friends who shamelessly sing loud to the most embarrassing karaoke track they could find. Lesbian and himbo is pretty great. As is the opposite, gay dude and stupid amazing slut or bimbo. (Fkn Mateo and Cheyanne kill me). Sweetest person you will ever know surrounded by 20 people who would die for them. Person who thinks they’re unlovable and takes a long time to notice like all their friends already love them, and then they get to be happy. Person who has never once had a good relationship is dragged into a healthy friendship and /super/ suspicious at every turn because they just aren’t used to being loved and treated well, but eventually softens and probably straight up breaks down at some point.

Person who was formerly bad or did something super fucked up is forgiven and welcomed into a group which they can barely even understand, and they are full of guilt but their loved ones reassure them and help them heal and just accept them and support them. Friends who are super mean to other friend but like, in a loving way, and would also take a bullet for the friend.

Uhhh, for romances, my fave is characters who just fucking love each other. I am real tired of relationship drama. Like pining and issues and star crossed lovers are all great (I think of those, star-crossed lovers is my fave), but I mean like, the shit where people keep having misunderstandings or not talking or cheating on each other just so there can be drama--that I am sick of. I love it when person A does something super badass and probably a little unexpected and person B is like “That’s my wife!!!” or just goes : O with love in their eyes, and this happens constantly.  I love gushy mushy sweet displays of affection. I love relationships where the people who are dating were best friends first and still are after, all the way, and tease and rib and are so in love.

I like it when one person thinks they don’t deserve the other, but clearly their partner feels none of this and is always just like “Babe...” and hugs them and is just as in love, and helps them begin to love themself more. 

Uhhhh, I like it when there’s someone who doesn’t think they’re in love and there’s that trope where they suddenly get it and you get the Oh or the Wait in italics as it drops internally. I like ships where the characters balance each other out well or provide good support and get better together than they were apart, triple points if they’re super aware of that and comment on it. Also whatever the fuck Maureen Robinson and John Robinson in the Lost in Space reboot have going on. That’s like, goals. She’s chaotic evil living lawful good by sheer force of will, and he’s a himbo too in love to realize any of that and never questions what she thinks they should do beyond the physical logistics of it and would die for her and not think twice about it or the fact that she moves really fast to the pragmatic “Okay,”--not because she doesn’t love him, she does--but because someone does need to be alive for their kids and she’s just wired too practical for him to have to pry her off sobbing to not stay and die with him. (This happens verbatim in like episode 6, but it’s not a mega spoiler bc he doesn’t actually die--he just almost does. She figures out a way to save them both right before committing to it.)

I also like “two fools both in love but really nervous about asking the other if they are because of their past, or situation, or because this is the first time or first time with that kind of relationship, so there’s just intense romantic tension all the time where they pause mid-sentence to just stare into eachothers’ eyes and forget what they were saying, but they’re both too ineffective to just fucking go “Do you like me?” for such a long time. Hurt/comfort paired with pining. Uhhh, but Star Crossed Lovers is up there for sure. I love the pain of two people wanting to be together but it’s just /impossible/ and they know it but that doesn’t make the feelings go away, and it’s miserable, and maybe they’re upset, because they shouldn’t feel this way, but they can’t not, and it’s confused, and it hurts, but they’re also so /happy/ when they see each other. I like that good shit in any romance where the characters can just look at each other and they know, and you know. That’s the choice shit, I tell you that.

Jeeze I’m sure I missed stuff but this is already so long. Uhhh, I like so much I don’t really know how to answer. But my favorite like, vibe/....flavor genre? Is Hope Punk. Uhhh, and mostly I dig any relationships that end up healthy and sweet. I really like second-chances, and characters confronting and moving on past their bad or complicated pasts, or trauma, and healing. Hurt comfort is love, and so is angst with a happy ending. I like a good villain or a wonderful asshole, but I feel like characters that are just good and doing their best really get overlooked and undervalued a lot, and I am here for them. Like Sam Gamgee? One of the /best/ characters in LOTR. So is Bob Newby--and I do get the irony in them both being played by Sean Astin. But uh, anyway, I really like to explore how decent people try to act when confronted with terrible situations and choices, because I really value people who stayed sweet and kind and merciful and full of love even after all the awful shit life has put them through, and I really like writing about how /hard/ that is, and what it looks like, along with the other stuff. I also like characters who are very flawed and very medium being given something to lose and something to gain that go in opposite directions, and being forced to confront their reality and make hard choices. I like people being given intense opportunities to grow or to rot, and seeing which they’ll chose and why and if they’ll make it to the end. Mostly I just really love characters who try, even if they fail, because that can be a lot harder to do than it seems. I like dynamics where one character is very flawed, or in a bad place, but they love someone they think is amazing, and so they’re working hard to catch up to them, or to get close enough they can reach out and hold their hand, and are fighting to make it to a person themselves who can do that someday. I’m sure I forgot a lot and that this was super rambly, but I hope you at least enjoyed some of it! Thanks for asking! ^u^

[xbaebsae]

OTP Questions

Tagged by @f0xyboxes , @dieguzguz, @nightwingshero, @deputyrhiannonhale and @returnofthepd3 thanks for thinking of me sweethearts♥

(art by minilev)

Rheese Bennett & Jacob Seed (idk if anyone even reads these except me but under cut because long post)

DISAGREEMENTS

Who is more likely to raise their voice?  Jacob. Now don’t get me wrong, he doesn’t loose his cool all that easy but Rheese can be a pain sometimes and he lacks the patience.

Who threatens to leave but never actually does?  Neither of them.

Who actually keeps their word and leaves?  This is actually what Rheese does when they break up about three months before the game. He finally is too deluded by Joseph’s demands of him that she cannot get through to him anymore and keep him from hurting people. They have a pretty bad fight about him torturing people that ends with him actually slapping her with the intention of making her shut up because she wouldn’t stop arguing against him. She gives him one moment to apologize for that, but he doesn’t so she leaves :’)

Who trashes the house?  They frequently throw things at each other.

Do either of them get physical?  Depends on when. Jacob pushes her around sometimes or touches her pretty roughly when he suffers from the effects of his PTSD. No domestic violence though. They also land real blows in training fights, same level bad on both sides really.

It’s worse during the arrest when they aren’t together anymore. Jacob was pretty devastated when he realized she actually left for good (he interpreted ‘i am leaving’ as her going home). It resulted in a lot of self blame (justified) which his family couldn’t really deal with. Joseph convinced him in the end that she was just another test he had to overcome in his life to find his correct path. So, he pretty much behaves just like he does in-game. She doesn’t get special treatment, she gets starved and thrown into murder trials like everyone else.

How often do they argue/disagree?  Pretty often. In the beginning it’s all they do, until they realize that having normal conversations every once in a while isn’t so bad actually.

Who is the first to apologize?  Apologies are for the weak :)

SEX

Who is on top?  Jacob

Who is on the bottom? Rheese (though she won’t admit it if you asked her)

Who has the strangest desires?  It’s nothing very strange tbh (at least not by my definition of strange... god i’ve seen ... things on deviantart. Definetly none of that!)

Any kinks?  Yeah, the perfect combo of wanting to feel powerless and wanting to feel in control. It complies with their character really. Rheese was forced to take care of herself ever since her teen years, which developed her into a pretty tough person. She likes the control she has over her life, and doesn’t let herself be pushed around by anyone. Feeling stripped of that control is however really exciting for her. Jacob’s kinda the other way around (imo anyway) in that he’s constantly following orders nevermind when or where, even within his own family (to not disappoint Joseph).

Who’s dominant in bed?  Jacob, Rheese only if he forces her to be :)

Is head ever in the equation?  Yes

If so, who is better at performing it?  Rheese. Slightly unfair though because she’s simply worse on the receiving end.

Ever had sex in public?  Yeah, much to her dismay.

Who moans the most?  Rheese

Who leaves the most marks?  Both do in different ways.

Who is the more experienced of the two?  Jacob

Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’?  Even the nastiest sex is ‘making love’ to them really. It’s frankly a form of talking to them because they both truly suck at verbal communication. Also, Rheese has the old fashioned rule in her life that she won’t sleep with people she isn’t sure about, so before actually being together they don’t have sex. Tho she’s close to breaking that rule multiple times.

Rough or soft?  Rough, sometimes foreplay is soft.

How long do they usually last?  Depends on time and mood. Also Rheese is a lot younger so she sometimes could go again when he can’t. However that doesn’t mean he gets the best of her sometimes :’)

Is protection used?  Yes on her side

Does it ever get boring?  No

Where is the strangest place they’d have sex?  Some small cabin at the place they train Judges. It was kinky, they got caught and she prefers to just not talk about it ever again.

FAMILY

Do they plan on having children/or have children?  No, they never wanted to. Their daughter Jaina was an unwanted accident.

If so, how many children do they want/have?  They have 1 and that’s already more than they wanted.

AFFECTION

Who likes to cuddle?  Rheese

Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places?  Jacob usually. But sometimes she’s good at it as well.

Who struggles to keep their hands to themself?  Jacob, and it bothers her a lot in public. He doesn’t really care about what his people think of him, he knows he’s the boss so they can’t say shit. It’s also a way of just showing off that she belongs to him and that’s exactly why she doesn’t like it, cause she ain’t property. Also, people might believe she only became a Chosen trainer because she fucks the boss, which isn’t true because she got that position from someone other than Jake, based entirely on her performance.

How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable?  Until Rheese falls into deep sleep and starts spreading her limbs everywhere uncontrolably.

Who gives the most kisses?  Jacob

What is their favourite non-sexual activity?  Honestly, just existing next to each other is enough. They are just as happy just sitting in the same room, doing their own tasks, as they are going out for a fishing trip (actually she hates fishing, but the lakes are nice).

Where is their favourite place to cuddle?  The bed

How often do they get time to themselves?  Usually evenings and nights. They would have more time together if Rheese didn’t value her alone time. Sometimes she prefers to spend her days off alone, going on a ride through the forests or just relaxing without anybody around. He doesn’t quite approve of that but she doesn’t let herself be locked up.

SLEEPING

Who snores?  None of them

If both do, who snores the loudest?  Nobody

Do they share a bed or sleep separately?  Share a bed when living together.

If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart?  Usually fall asleep cuddling but where they end up is entirely up to chance.

What do they wear to bed?  Underwear usually. Though t-shirts along with that in the beginning.

Are either of them insomniacs?  Jake has trouble sleeping and often wakes up. Her presence helps him but she’s not a magic sleeping pill so the issue never fully disappears.

Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside?  Nah

Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side?  Usually the first, when it’s too hot the latter.

Who wakes up with bed hair?  Both. Rheese loves his messy hair, especially after she bullied him enough into letting it grow a bit. He however calls her hay-head, because her hair gets all tangled up and poofy despite being tied into a braid.

Who wakes up first?  He does, good luck getting her outta bed before 10.

Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other?  Nobody does, they aren’t romantic.

What is their favourite sleeping position?  Rheese digging her face in the space between his neck and shoulders while one leg and one arm hugs him and he has an arm around her.

Do they set an alarm each night?  When there’s work the next day.

Can a television be found in their bedroom?  No, though she sometimes uses his laptop to watch movies.

Who has nightmares?  Jacob has real ones, Rheese only the occasional bad dream we all get sometimes.

Who has ridiculous dreams?  She dreams demented shit sometimes, never talks about it though.

Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed?  Rheese, she’s a restless sleeper. Got kicked out of the bed for it more than once.

Who makes the bed?  Neither of them. They don’t care about it being untidy.

What time is bed time?  Depends. Usually Rheese stays awake longer to finish watching movies.

Any routines/rituals before bed?  Nothing special, sometimes talking, sometimes a movie, sometimes sex, sometimes just hugging in silence.

Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up?  Jake, esp when she talks too much in the morning.

WORK

Who is the busiest?  They both are pretty equally busy.

Who rakes in the highest income?  It doesn’t really matter to them. The cult pays food and since they don’t care much about materialism, they don’t need much money.

Are any of them unemployed?  They have their job in the cult. Rheese works as a deputy before and after her stay there. so no.

Who takes the most sick days?  Neither really take any unless they are really so sick they can’t move. It’s an unhealthy work ethic but they feel useless when just lying in bed all day.

Who is more likely to turn up late to work?  Jake didn’t before, but he sometimes does because of her in the morning. Not that he really minds though, who’s gonna say anything against him?

Who sucks up to their boss?  Jacob in regards to Joseph, which Rheese thinks is very unhealthy. She doesn’t like how he lets himself be used so much and mostly blindly follows whatever his brother says. They have a lot of arguments about this and in the end it’s what ruins their relationship.

What are their jobs?  He’s head of security at Eden’s Gate. She’s a deputy, then pseudo joins the cult and works herself up to become a trainer of the Chosen, then she returns to her deputy position for the arrest.

Who stresses the most?  He does

Do they enjoy or despise their careers/occupations?  Police work wasn’t her passion. It was just a career she thought wouldn’t be boring. No noble motives and such. She only reprises her role as the deputy for the arrest because she falsely blames herself for everyone who’s been hurt by Jake’s hands after she left him. Her return is based on her trying to redeem herself. She had fun training Chosen, but she wouldn’t want to be part of any torture cult.

Jacob barely has any opinion on his work. He believes what he does is what needs to be done and he’s the best suited person for the job. You won’t find him complain, though he secretly just wants peace in his life. He hopes the cult’s actions will ultimately lead to that.

Are they financially stable?  They have enough.

HOME

Who does the washing?  Neither until one of them is fed up with the pile in the sink or the lack of clean plates in the shelf.

Who takes out the trash?  Usually Rheese is bothered by it first.

Who does the ironing?  They don’t

Who does the cooking?  She makes good pancakes. But other than that? Don’t allow her in the kitchen because she can’t cook for shit. He can cook a couple of things but is often simply too lazy to ‘play housewife’ so their dinners often consist of very simplistic things. Occasionally one of them will bring home takeout.

Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying?  Rheese, just...keep her out of the kitchen.

Who is messier?  Both pretty much. His place is a mess and she isn’t bothered by it because her apartment looked the same.

Who leaves the toilet roll empty?  Jake, to annoy her.

Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor?  They both just throw them wherever.

Who forgets to flush the toilet?  Jake, again to annoy her. (her ‘ewww you’re fucking nasty’ face is really entertaining)

Who is the prankster around the house? Neither, they diss each other a lot, sometimes joke on the other’s cost but no deliberate pranks.

Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere?  Doesn’t really happen.

Who mows the lawn?  No lawn

Who answers the telephone?  They answer their own cells respectively. He refuses to get a smartphone.

Who does the vacuuming?  They don’t own a vacuum cleaner. Only a broom and a mop.

Who does the groceries?  Usually he does.

Who takes the longest to shower?  Rheese, she enjoys the feel of hot water on her skin.

Who spends the most time in the bathroom?  Not much difference there. Rheese doesn’t bother anymore with any routines and such after Jake told her he hates when she wears makeup because it makes his hands sticky when he touches her face :’) Though sometimes she will still put eyeliner out of habit.

MISCELLANEOUS

Is money a problem?  No, they don’t need much.

How many cars do they own?  Jake own an old truck and a motorcycle, Rheese used to have a car but sold it. She prefers riding on her horse Nugget anyway.

Do they own their home or do they rent?  She had an apartment in Missoula before ‘joining’. Then she lived at Stone Ridge for a while, then she moved in with him to his place. A tiny cabin far up a mountain at the far outside of the region.

Do they live in the city or in the country?  Country

Do they enjoy their surroundings?  Yes, especially the forests.

What’s their song?  You Give Love a Bad Name - Bon Jovi

What do they do when they’re away from each other?  Working, doing their own thing, living. He’s more possessive about her than she is about it. But they both function normally when not being together.

Where did they first meet?  Technically at the church during her very first sermon to ‘join’ the project. But they only interacted about a week later when he’s supposed to bring her to her initiation at John’s place. They immediately hate each other :’)

Who spends the most money when out shopping?  Whoever does the grocery shopping? They both aren’t big on other shopping trips.

Who’s more likely to flash their assets?  She’s not very show off-y. Jacob likes showing she ‘belongs to him’.

Who finds it amusing when the other trips over?  Both

Any mental issues?  Rheese doesn’t really, she lost her parents and her family is extremely distant but it never gave her trauma.

Jacob still deals with the aftermath of war esp. His PTSD gets bad sometimes and he has sleeping issues.

Who’s terrified of bugs?  She is afraid of spiders, and would appreciate if he killed them when they are in the house. But usually he ends up throwing them at her and tells her it’s therapy to defeat her fears.

Who kills the spiders around the house?  Neither, see above

Their favourite place?  A small lake behind a mountain near his cabin.

Who pays the bills?  The cult

Do they have any fears for their future?  Yeah, they are very conflicted about it. Neither of them know where it all leads and their differences (esp the age one) is an issue at times.

Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner?  They don’t really do that.

Who’s the tallest?  He’s 6'1, she is 5'2. He constantly calls her ‘Shorty’, not in any endearing cute nickname way, but purely to mock her height.

Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?  Happens with both of them frequently. Tho Jacob is more prone to this because he showers less on his own. So when she’s in there he’s often like ‘might as well join’.

Who wanders around in their underwear?  Rheese starts this trend which he really doesn’t complain about. She also argues that it makes sense because then there will be less laundry to take care of. Can’t really argue with that really.

Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio?  She does, very very badly cause she can’t sing.

What do they tease each other about?  Her short height and his age. Always.

Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times?  Doesn’t really happen but he does judge her Power Rangers T-shirt she wears for sleeping.

Who crushed first?  They both kinda did. They blamed it on physical attraction at first, which made Rheese mad because he wasn’t her type. It takes them a couple of months to actually admit they might eventually possibly perhaps maybe have feelings for one another :)

Any alcohol or substance related problems?  Not really

Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am?  Rheese does once, and another time they do it together.

Who swears the most?  Jacob, though she’s pretty good at it too.

Tagging @joeyhxdson @fadedjacket @shallow-gravy @chazz-anova​ @ja-crispea​ if you want to. Idk who did this by the time this gets posted.

[alo-piss-trancy]

SD/R2 OMO HEADCANONS (Pt1)

Decided it was probably time for me to post a list of my omo hcs for this game since I did the THH chars! Like with the other list, I'll be excluding a couple I have no interest in thinking of omo content of (in this case, Hiy/oko and Teru/teru). I'm breaking this one into multiple posts throughout the week as I compile my thoughts (I'll add a link to all of them on the fic masterlist page later so you can find them all) because I feel this is gonna be a lot longer than my THH post haha!

Here we go, the first 3 (or 4) chars! Please stop reading now if you don't want spoilers for the game bc there will be several!!!

~~~

Gun/dham:

* I firmly hc him as vegetarian (not vegan. He will consume byproducts like milk/cheese/eggs/etc, but only harvested himself or from small farms/sources that he has personally vetted/researched where he knows 100% that the creatures are treated ethically.)

* That's actually not omo-related besides milk oops but it relates to my next point, which is that for the most part he prefers Natural food/drink. Water, fruit or vegetable juices/smoothies, etc. He's not really used to strange 'Human' confections like soda or coffee, so the caffeine and diuretics hit him hard and fast and make it difficult for him to estimate how much time he has. It also makes him jittery/hyped as hell which Does Not Help.

* As long as he isn't screwed over by caffeine or a ton of drinks, he has a decently strong bladder and can hold for a long time. He has a lot of practice from hiding/waiting to help certain animals, laying trapped under sleeping cats/dogs, etc. And also avoiding public restrooms like the Plagues they are for most of the day...

* He's bladdershy AF and has been since early childhood. I saw he had signs drawn on the doors/curtain in his room during my playthrough (including the bathroom) and that is definitely his safezone. Can't go outside either bc 1. He's paranoid he'll be seen by other ppl and 2. That feels disrespectful to the nature deities despite the logic that animals do it all the time. He knows that's dumb and he hates himself for it.

* Sometimes I do like to ignore the bladdershy hc just for some variety. Even in that case tho he'd still be a bit of a diva about which public bathrooms he uses. If it's gross or weird he's gonna avoid it/complain/refuse to go even if bursting. He's stubborn af

* We all know he canonically goes commando. Therefore he is in extra danger because any leaks will go straight to his pants RIP Since he usually wears black it isn't that visable (as long as it's just a bit and not a full wetting), but if he ever has to wear smth else u know he's screwed c':

* He's not very vocal when desperate at all. Mostly strangled whines or grunts (only when alone or if so urgent he can't hide it), he's just so easily embarrassed that he can choke most sound.

* He can also hide his body language pretty well. He can manage to keep himself to rigid posture and the occasional shudder or fidget if needed. Only when he's beyond caught and about to wet will he resort to obvious grabs or dances in front of others.

* Even if he wet he wouldn't cry (I don't seem him crying much for anything tbh, barring extreme things like death). He's angry at himself and extremely ashamed. He would get red as a tomato, attempt to slink away and avoid any witnesses for several days. Could get snippy or hide in his shell all pitiful, depending on the person.

* When alone or sure he can't be caught, he'll fidget more once things are dire. Mostly his long-ass legs. Jiggling, crossing, bending at the knees or bouncing up and down, shuffling from foot-to-foot, everything. He doesn't really do much with his hands beyond a quick crotch-squeeze.

* He'd def let Haj/ime or So/nia dom tf out of him as far as making him hold/lose control, he's submissive and enjoys the challenging test of limits. However, I could also see him totally having a thing for 'marking' his partners during the times he doms.

So/nia:

* Lowkey has a bladder of steel tbh, tho you'd never expect it by looking at her. It takes a lot to get her desperate and even more for her to crack enough to show her needs to others.

* She had a lot of long lectures/lessons, meetings, social events, formal balls, etc. growing up, so she just got used to waiting a lot between breaks so as not to interrupt or be rude to her guests. This also makes her wicked good at remaining completely calm on the outside and keeping the quiver out of her tone even when she's absolutely dying.

* Even once people know her problem, she would NEVER grab herself or dance. Literally the most you'll get out of her is legs crossed at the ankles. For the most part the only sign of her desperation is the slight fullbody shivering where she has her muscles and posture strained. If you're very lucky she may wince or her voice will start shaking/get breathy (her breathing gets super fast and shallow when at her absolute limit. Like nearly hyperventilating fast).

* While not shy at all about asking/telling others where she's going, she was raised with manners. She refuses to interrupt while others are busy, and will wait until she feels the time is appropriate to but into convos or leave the room, even if that could take a long time. She will not skip out on a group task if she can help it bc she feels very strongly about doing her part and not coming off as a slacker (so group investigations/new island exploring/building for Us/ami in Island Mode are all LONG tasks she will force herself to stick out without complaint, even if she's about to wet herself).

* Despite being a princess, she definitely doesn't view anything as being 'beneath' her. If someone asks her to just go outside/in a sketchy place/strange receptacle, she'll do it without question as soon as they agree to glance away. In fact, sometimes it's actually a little thrilling.

* If she did wet herself she would certainly be embarrassed, maybe even teary-eyed depending on the situation/who was around. However, it certainly isn't the end of the world for her, and she would be able to brush it off fairly easily once she got cleaned up and had a chance to breathe. Could probably start making jokes about it by the next day, or just wait patiently for everyone to forget about it.

* Probably has a big piss kink (for others. She isn't much on doing holds herself, minus an occasional 'Damsel in Distress' type roleplay). And honestly just a big one for domming others (sometimes sweetly, sometimes cold/cruel like True Royalty). She looks cute but She Nasty (tm). Gun/dham and Haji/me (to a lesser extent, bc his smart-ass take-no-shit attitude makes him a bit of a brat sometimes lol) are her bitches.

M/ikan (I have to split hers in two bc I have polar opposite hcs) :

Non-Despair M/ikan -

* Is every bit as shy uwu ohnoooo~ as you'd imagine. Super blushy and fidgety and teary-eyed but never admits what's wrong even once it's obvious, to the point of potty-dancing in place (but she's Totally Fine she can hang in there and doesn't need to stop what she's doing)! You literally have to drag her away to the bathroom if u don't want her to have an accident. Would rather die than inconvenience anyone by telling them she has to go, will berate herself for the inconvenience when that backfires and she's made a mess of herself, 120% convinced everyone hates her and p much refuses any comfort bc she's so trapped in the spiral. Bawls her eyes out.

* If on a rare occasion she does work up the nerve to speak up and is denied, that's it. She will not dare ask again even if the person didn't realize how badly she had to go. Nope. Clearly her only option is to hold it until she can't anymore, or until she's alone and can run off by herself.

*Also she totally would whimper to herself in The Worst omo video star voice lmao "Oh noooo I'm leaking into my panties~, it's cOmIng OuTtttt~ uwu uwu uwu" (i'm not making fun of those istg but u know Exactly what 'sexy baby' voice I mean. That is Mi/kan. Don't be so fake bitch We Know u didn't fall spread eagle naturally)

* Says 'Potty' unironically. It's the only word she uses for the bathroom.

* Surprisingly not bladdershy at all. She's actually the opposite. Will go Anywhere (but will be embarrassed while doing it).

* She's used to holding a lot bc afraid to leave class/stuck helping patients for hours on end. However while she has a wicked high capacity and stays very hydrated, she has pretty shaky control. Leaks A LOT, be it in general or bc she gets startled/nervous. She's like a chihuahua lmao. She wears medical liners when on duty as a nurse or during school, but for general hangouts she forgoes them (totally bc she forgot and Not bc she wanted to show her wet panties off to strangers/peers when she falls again, that would be Slu/tty and Improper).

* Once held for ages and then ended up wetting herself just bc Hiy/oko told her to. It wasn't actually a request, just a one-off snippy comment that H forgot about like 10 min after she said it and walked away. When she found out Mi/kan took it seriously she absolutely lost it laughing for the next few days

*Her potty dances include lots of thighs rubbing together/hunching over, hands wandering dangerously close only to pause and grip her skirt/dress hem, hopping from leg to leg and shaking at the knees. She's pitiful when desperate and very cute. Pants and whimpers near constantly, nibbles at her knuckles to try and muffle it.

* Knows when she's at risk of actual damage from holding, but it's still a 50/50 shot of whether she'll break down and go or keep trying to hold. She knows it's unwise, but due to her complete lack of self worth she doesn't really care if her own body is damaged.

* That said, she monitors everyone else very closely and will harass them firmly to take breaks if they're at risk.

Despair/True Mik/an -

* MASSIVE PISS KI/NK. Loves to be dommed/told to hold until she wets. LOVES to do the same to others and tell them all the mean things for a change. She will borderline Break You.

* Takes great satisfaction in watching others struggle. If given an opportunity to make others desperate/prevent them from getting to a bathroom without revealing herself, she will definitely take it. She has no sympathy.

* The Queen of lacing things with diuretics, but can also often find that boring/too easy. A bit disdainful of that method tbh.

* Tying ppl down to hold or hooking them to IVs and 'misplacing' the call button is more her style.

* Used to hold for Jun/ko a lot to appease her. Would be willing to hold for Na/gito, but tbh he's just as willing to hold for her so it's a bit of a stalemate and they've yet to work out who does what.

* Will piss on her victim/lover while staring them directly in the eyes. Does not flinch. She toes the line between sexy and just plain creepy lol

[emperorren]

(6) I guess I'm also not a fan of "Perfect Jedi Goddess Rey for whom Kylo has to crawl on his knees to be worthy of" (I can totally see why ppl like it tho), mainly because at this point, Kylo needs an equal, and not someone he'll always feel inferior too. I think the Throne Room proves that both of them still have some growing up to do in order to not only be together, but also understand each other better, bring out the best in each other, and being able to mature together in a healthy way.

Sorry, forgot to add this last part to the earlier post.

I think nobody wants Kylo to crawl. It was a popular concept like, 2-3 years ago, when Reylo shippers used to self flagellate (and flagellate Kylo) much more than we do now, half to deflect anti discourse and half because we really believed the best we could hope for was Rey not *completely* hating his guts by the end. Those days are gone. We know Kylo has his own reasons, because the narrative is showing them—it’s no longer a stretch or “reading too much into it” on our part. But the fact remains that Kylo is a villain and that, in order for this relationship to work, they’ll need to start being on the same page on something other than their mutual desire to be with each other. And I think it’s clear that, while Rey does have some growing up to do, her ethics are in the right place, while Kylo’s aren’t. It’s kind of unrealistic to expect Rey to move away from her heroic morals in the same way Kylo will have to move away from his villainous morals, so I don’t think it’s worth debating whether she should or not. 

The whole “meeting halfway” thing is still possible, especially if you consider that, so far, they’ve essentially tried to abduct each other into their world, and failed. They both need to acknowledge and accept the fact that they might never “have” the other—not in the terms they currently think would be ideal. But Kylo has objectively more things to make up for. Many of those things have nothing to do with Rey per se, but became Rey’s business the moment she started to care for him.

re: your new round of asks:

(Rey discourse anon here) The problem is that for me, it’s really hard to tell whether Rey pulling the lightsaber away from Ben was her being cornered and knowing that what she’ll do will hurt Ben deeply – and for that, all I’m going to say is that, well, no, she literally did not have to do that. Again, it makes sense that she’d react this way, but the issue is that by reacting on impulse, like Luke did so many years ago, just like he played a part in making Kylo Ren,she played a part in making the Supreme Leader. Yelling at him and making her intentions clear was entirely possible, would have resulted in a similar outcome, and she decided not to. Because reasons. (Seriously, what is Ben going to do if she replies “no” out loud, kill her? *eyeroll*) 

I’m not sure why you think yelling at him would have looked better in Kylo’s eyes, or what else Rey could have done to make her intentions clear, other than beg Kylo to stop firing on the Resistance, which she already had, loud and clear. Kylo perfectly understood what she was asking. He chose not to comply. Had his reasons. But chose to discard her plea.

Also, yes, she *literally* had to pull the saber. It’s her only weapon, and the girl needed one if she wanted to get the fuck out of the Supremacy alive. I think y’all forget she was in enemy territory, alone, unarmed, and in desperate need to get to Crait where there would probably be a huge battle within minutes. Yeah, she has the Force… but a lightsaber could help. 

And frankly, no, I don’t think being morally right gives you a right or even merely an excuse to strike right into someone’s trauma.

Rey really did not do that—not on purpose (unlike Kylo, who totally used the parents card i.e. Rey’s own trauma and repressed painful memories to convince her to accept his offer). Note that Rey never actually got to wield the saber against Kylo—all she did was try to snatch it away from him. They could have gone for a clear cut Luke/Rey parallel by having Kylo regain consciousness to see an armed Rey looming over him, conflicted on whether to kill him or not. But they didn’t. This is absolutely important—Rey could have killed Kylo as he was unconscious, but chose not to. And Kylo never got to see her seriously considering to kill him.

Her face could frankly also be interpreted as “you’re not doing as I say, so screw you!”, and since the next scene we see her in is her woo-hoo-ing on the Falcon and then getting reunited with her buddies, there’s no indication she’s really all that heart-broken. Her closing the door on Ben could be seen that way as well (although I obviously think their story isn’t over, of course). Like… I dunno, it’s hard for me to feel sorry for her.

Her face when she’s slowly lifting her hand in the throne room scene doesn’t scream of “screw you!” to me. Neither does the little gasp in the last force bond. But YMMV.

The story could have been set up as “Rey did nothing wrong and Ben better beg on his knees in IX”, but it wasn’t. Because in the end, both Rey and Ben made their own bed, which leads me to be more “GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER YOU IDIOTS”. But this said, I do believe Rey’s heart was at the right place. She was indeed the catalyst that pushed Ben to finally get rid of his abuser. But realistically speaking, what she pulled off could have gone horribly wrong as well.My point is not that following your heart is always bad – but doing that all the time isn’t exactly a good idea either. Heck, Luke’s heart was at the right place when he went to save his friends in ESB, and he got beat up and lost his hand.

It might be not “exactly a good idea” but it’s still better than the alternative. (in Luke’s case, that would have been leaving his friends to die; in Rey’s case, not attempting to do anything for Kylo at all). These heroes tend to have their heroism challenged at the end of the second movie: they learn that sometimes having the best intentions isn’t enough. It’s an important lesson in humility. But not one that teaches them to follow their hearts a little less. See: Luke in RotJ, doubling down on compassion and being ready to risk his life not only to save his friends, but to redeem his father too.

And for Rey, it’s more than being an outsider: she’s the only person who had, like, an actual human reaction to Ben’s situation and actually did something to help.(Well, so did Han, but it was indeed a case of “too little, too late”, even if it definitely had a huge effect on Ben and made him start to realize Snoke was a PoS) But where she also failed is that just like everyone else, she came to Ben with a clear agenda in mind (or you know, an agenda to convince herself she’s totally doing this for the great cause, not because she wants The Beefcake), and with wanting to be the hero so bad she lost sight of what Ben really needs – a friend.I guess one thing that kind of annoys me at this point is that, honestly, who the heck knows what Ben’s motivations are, at this point, because his speech in the Throne Room could be interpreted in many ways. But I won’t lie by saying about it that if it just boils up to “Ra-Ra-First-Order”, I’ll be bored to tears. It’s not even a matter of saying “Ben was right all along” (because he obviously isn’t), you know, just something like“Ben is right when it comes to the endgame, or the intentions, or whatever, but his methods of getting to that are terrible”. What Rey has in mind is “we’ll help the Resistance together and build a new Jedi Order”, while having no clue whether Ben really wants that or not. I mean, he’s probably already not big on the idea because Rey might think the Resistance is great and all, but he knows they won’t be so nice to him, for obvious reasons.And it’s not even a matter of ideological differences or not – heck, maybe even in the old days with Luke, he flat out didn’t want to be a Jedi. Both of them need to find an outcome that they both want – and they’re obviously not at that point yet. 

I don’t disagree with you on this last part, especially on the bolded. (See what I said earlier about meeting halfway.)  But I do have a couple objections:

I don’t think Rey was at all trying to play the hero by coming to the Supremacy. If anything, she hoped Ben could be, so she could be relieved from the burden of being the galaxy’s last hope. And yeah, Ben might be in desperate need of a friend… but so is she, and it’s not exactly easy to be the perfect friend when a war is raging and you’re on opposite sides of the conflict, ykwim? This isn’t a normal situation.

I wouldn’t really count on Kylo’s endgame being shown in a sympathetic or redeeming light. Politically, his ideas (judging from the little we know of them) are a mess. But most importantly, in politics, the “means” count just as much as the “end” does. If your plan to reduce poverty includes, say, mass incarceration and operates on a racist logic, then your plan is bad, no matter how noble your goal is. If Kylo thought the best way to create his “new order” was using a militaristic, despotic war machine whose goal is forcing the galaxy to yield to their dictatorship and raze to the ground any dissenter, then either his idea of a new order isn’t ESPECIALLY democratic in the first place, or he just doesn’t understand politics at all. He can’t simply give up on his means. He needs to give up on his intended endgame as well.

[abyss-mal-blog1]

current mind-space//word vomit

it’s amazing how much can change in a few days, but it hasn’t been a week since my finals ended and i already felt so different. i have been doing f45 everyday this week (if not then some kind of workout, but i’ve really been into that recently). i am feeling so much better now without deadlines, sometimes i don’t know if i function better under pressure or not. i guess not, but then it’s amazing how much i can do and achieve under pressure. i need the right amount of pressure, and this semester it has been a little difficult for me to get around that. 

last friday was kinda my last day of finals, i just had an essay to submit, and i am disappointed in myself and my work ethic because i submitted it at 9pm, went to my cousin’s (disappointing) party, and then professor emailed me to say that she cannot read Pages format (seriously smh @ my tardiness!!!), only got back at 1am that night and sent my mediocre essay. i am a little sad about it because i know that is not my 100%. idk why but college so far has just been a series of 80% effort. this paper was an interesting one, on airbnb, on the sharing economy, it’s a performance studies paper where i analyze the hospitality platform in terms of host-user relationship, parasitism and (attempted) to talk about free online labor. it is a little too late now but i kinda want to work on it again and like, submit for feedback. maybe ill ask taylor. 

last saturday was kinda meh, i agreed to go to a *social* kinda event at a bar/club at chelsea, held for Asian-ivy-alumni-people that yanlin invited me too. it was at up&up and honestly a little...i didn’t enjoy it at all. the music sucked, the people were either too dorky or gross or old or weird, and the whole time i just kept saying to myself, “never again”. they said it was open bar but they only served absolut, which was shit. and then my friend’s two friends were...i feel sorry that this was their first clubbing experience. at the beginning my reaction was look at all these ivy alumni! get hitched with one of them for ~da connectsx~ (and nothing else) but no kidding i was actually interested in talking to them just to get to know what people who graduated from ivies are up to, and what are they doing at such events...and are they actually enjoying themselves because it was really kinda gross. met my friend’s friend who seemed like a really smart engineer (he asked for my number the next day lol), and a german dude at the bar who didn’t want to get me a drink. all i needed that night was a drink.....(i’m glad i didn’t drink tho because recently drinking has made me feel all kinds of bad)  we had ramen after at ramen-ya (most probably the worst ramen and charsiew i’ve had but what can we do at 3am and my friend wanted noodle and soup...)

on sunday i KNow i should have left my house earlier to workout but i didn’t. i was angry at myself that i didn’t. instead, i stayed at home and emotion-ate. i must have eaten more green bean soup than my stomach would have liked. what else...avocado? i remember..two bananas? god. this was the day i felt like i was n’s boyfriend because i had to do what she wanted to do. i know i had agreed on going, but at that point i really wanted to go thrifting or something. i mean when i got to central park it was fine and things were good but the whole day just felt like i was kinda pulled into doing something that wasn’t my first choice of plans, not that i didn’t enjoy myself lying under the sun at the park. it just felt like i was accompanying someone. i was half an hour late to meet her as well, and half heartedly got a burrito-wrap at newsbar. if you think about it it is really kinda funny, we’re just buying food and taking the subway to this grass patch 50 blocks away. we didn’t walk much, we literally only stayed at a little grassy slope overlooking the baseball pitch. anyway we went to a dance class after (the class was an hour long but i felt like n had asked me about when and what time we should book the classes for more than an hour by text so i just got really sick of it) i rushed home and got dinner with my uncle who’s in town for my cousin’s graduation. i was surprised that he chose the same japanese restaurant again, after dissing it half a year ago we ate here. the omakase was crazy and it cost 230 per person. (for the most expensive set) it was also kinda dumb because you aren’t allowed to order a different omakase set from anyone else - everyone on the table has to order the same - because of “timing”. i wonder if this is how it is in japanese omakase etiquette, but in any case it really earned them a hefty amount because my uncle decided to get 230 for all of us. qiyang didn’t like and said qiqi had bad taste, hahaha. the food wasn’t bad, i mean it’s japanese fusion, but the prices were way too steep for the taste. anyway enough about the food, during the dinner i think we talked about many things though. i kinda wanted to talk to my uncle individually because i think he is the only one who knows about ah gong, but he was sick, and i could tell he was exhausted. my aunt got a little impatient because i didn’t arrange plans to take their furniture and they were going to throw all of them away and it was actually the first time i’ve seen her get so worked up - but at the same time trying to control her emotions - because she was talking to me. i could tell she was annoyed though but i tried not to take it personally, and arranged it tomorrow. 

arranging the moving stuff was kinda last minute, i was walking to the library for work one day and i saw a truck that said MakeSpace. i assumed it was a kind of moving company and so i looked them up. they seemed to be pretty okay in terms of their services and so i decided to try them out. confirmation and setting up an appointment went pretty smoothly, except for the part where the guy i think his name was joseph, asked me to give my credit card details over the phone. idk why i did that! i stopped though, and asked him why, to which he replied he wanted to key in with the coupon code. this service has so much gimmicks within the first 2-3 minutes on the phone he was already telling me about how the first pick up is free, and that he will deduct 100$ off the first month...when people give you discounts too easily it just feels like a ploy and a thing they give to everyone, it’s not anything special and it’s probably calculated inside whatever we have to pay. anyway, i was just thinking it would be cheaper (assuming the maximum that i would have to pay is ~$500, as i confirmed with them on the phone yesterday), it’d still be cheaper than starting an apartment lease now and going through the trouble of finding two subletters. 

well. idk, it’s also easy to have things all moved in, i have to find a place to store my perishables!

moving is so much work, and storing things. this reminds me of my paper on airbnb and about the digital nomad lifestyle. it is interesting though, that this is what it has become. but the homogenized aesthetic is something i really cannot stand, in airbnb, in coffeeshops around the world..i am sure you know what i’m talking about. a new york times writer did something about this - he termed it “Airspace” - and apparently it originated from Brooklyn. I guess that’s where the art/avant-garde stuff started. well. keep a look out im gonna write a blogpost about that 

moving on 

nat came to sleepover on sunday night and a few days after because the school kicks you out of the dorms you pay so much for right after your final ends. i forgot if we did something fun but i probably just fell asleep. 

on monday i think i went to f45 and did cardio at Dumbo with Gi. he seems like a pretty nice trainer, the first time i went it was him and another girl Bertha (i think my first f45 was last tuesday) and i felt like i had two personal trainers with me - Gi was cheering me on and Bertha was doing it with me. it felt like such a good workout, one of the best ive had in a while. then work, where i arranged the movers stuff. i also realized i bought the wrong date for my flight ticket as my friends and had to buy one more...............

tuesday was the same f45 in the morning, and the bobst after. didn’t really get much work done at bobst. oh i also viewed a 3BR flex at 160. hella expensive and small, and dates didn’t work out anyway. also the broker who brought us to view the apartment was a very nice tall french man and his name was jean-francois which i couldn’t pronounce and asked nat but still called him jean as in jeen instead of john. this is why i have to learn french. you’re embarrassing. i also went to the itp/ima spring show with shubham which was super cool. there were many cool ideas, and i just wonder if i could create something like that. i didn’t get to see all of the exhibits which i regret, but i remember a few notable projects. one was an installation made with keyboards that randomly clicks, but when you hold your phone up it’ll stop. it’s made using 3d gestures. there’s also one at a gallery for surveillance, this team had a thing they call facebox, and it’s literally a box, that when you open it has a webcam that would capture your face, find you on facebook, and print out an invoice/receipt on how much you have earned for this giant tech company.  what else...an AR project that when you scan a food,  it shows you where the food comes from. nat said that she would love it if menus have something they could scan and then have pictures appear in ~holographic~ format, or maybe in the nearer future something on your phone that shows you a picture of the picture of the food. but isn’t it a surprise tho? sometimes the fun’s in the surprise, you read the description, you know what are the foods you’ll eat, leaving room to imagine or be surprised by how the chef puts it together! anyway, went for dinner with nat and jenny - got vegan shwarma (definitely wasn’t worth $14) and went to get crepes with will after. 

wednesday we were gonna go to the dmv but we weren’t prepared. nat also needed to get her passport and she was lazy. wow the number of times i mentioned her, it feels like she’s my boyfriend at this point. talked to famz, sister, and beatrix. am currently considering if i should even go to beijing or just go straight home. fuck. went to bobst for work but no one was there i was just really sleepy. viewed an apartment at 55 morton (it’s a nice quiet residential street that seems to be tucked away from the loud cars and bars and people) then i went to f45 again-varsity!!! cardio!!!, walked across brooklyn bridge (a little regret although i wanted to walk, but my bag was heavy and there were too many tourists to brisk walk) 

also the reason for this is that after my soba/miso/salad/shrimp dinner last night i was just watching a bunch of netflix shows and it was probably the caffeine from puerto rican roasting company - the barista made me a chai cappuccino with almond milk (3 SHOTS!!!)

me and nat couldn’t sleep, i really think i slept for an hour. i watched so many different shows, yoko and john’s documentary, while we were young, anthony bourdain, i was seriously flipping through all the shows and alternating between amazonprme and youtube and netflix and i even tried watching peaceful cuisine and making the brightness lower and had the sleep mode on and wow i just couldn’t sleep

so yeah the birth of this word vomit 

i am going to create more things

[middleagedwomenswhore]

so there was this girl i was dating, we were just in the beginning and the only problem between us was the fact that we both went to the same therapist and, u know, ethics won't allow it, but okay we were trying to fix it in a way everyone would end up happy; then one day she went to her old church (she had left it when she came out because they wouldn't accept that she's bi) just to see some friends or whatever but they convinced her to go back and join the church again, then she just texted me saying that she went back there and couldn't be with me anymore cause it was "against god's will"................ i was fucking devastated of course and cried for days on and she even tried to get me to go to one of the church's meeting lIKE BITCH???? i tried to be friends and pretend i wasn't hurt for some time, then i gave up and stopped talking to her at all

then there was i minding my own business and checking social medias and saw this stories of a girl i knew from theater class, i always thought she was cute and all but she had a boyfriend at the time we met,,,,, anyway she don't have a bf anymore and turns out she's bi and also thought i was cute lmao so we started chatting and stuff and in no time we started dating (less than a month after i had been dumped by the church girl), we been dating for almost one month now and everything was fine and she was talking about meeting my mom and i was like girl wtf slow down but okay i guess

so last saturday me and this girl went on one of those street poetry events (love it and the one in our community is organized by a close friend of hers)........ we were cool, appreciating the poets and stuff, the i turned my head and there was church girl eating açaí and looking at us,,,,,, and i made the mistake of telling my date who she was and what she did (but i said it like it was nothing, just a comment like lol guess what) but (lets call her mimi cause yes lol) mimi got mad at church girl and i had to make her promise that she won't go talk to her or anything, we watched the thing until the end and she walked me home, she met my mother (🙄), stayed for a bit and then left

that night i was a fucking wreck, i had really thought i was over church girl but then i saw her for half a hour and wanted to cry all over again and then i started thinking am i with mimi just was a rebound for church girl or do i really like her i mean it's been less than a month could my heart change this fast or will i wake up one day i regret it all am i being a dramatic bitch again yes or yes where's my pills oh right ive been off pills for almost two months cause im a moron and ignored what my psychiatrist said lol cool cool cool

and on top of it all there's my coworker who i had a crush on way before all this mess and even before we were coworkers and i was 100% sure i was over cause i knew she had someone cause i saw a compromise ring on her right hand and it was fine until i got the jog at the supermarket where she works (i was not stalking her, it's just that the supermarket is like 5 minutes away from my house lol) and we became friends and started talking about lots of stuff and turns out she's gay too and she keeps dropping some hints my way even tho she's married and idk if it just in my head but she did invite me to live in a car and travel the world with gar and told me she might be leaving her wife and im like ????????? why u telling me this stuff??? and she told me she would make a move on me if she was not married and also today she told me she thinks im really pretty and funny and i just wanna sCREAM FROM THE TOP OF MY LUNGS WHATS GOING ON

so anywayyyy i just wrote this, at midnight when i should be sleeping cause i have to work tomorrow morning, cause i needed to share this with someone (even knowing no one will stop and read this cuz lol) before my mind would blow and my therapy is not until wednesday and im off my meds so every little thing that happens drives me insane and writing and talking are two of my healthiest coping mechanisms so yeah i took it out my chest and hey if you are reading this give me an advise please idk what the fuck im doing with my life lol okay gotta go bye

[themadvigilantist]

dantalion - all of the following original info is from (here) and i’ll just end up making references to this (I ALREADY HAVE PAST ME and i put a small edit there but, everything else?? solid. but i mean the version of dantalion i play as??? won’t mention any of these because he does what he wants so all of this, for the most part. he should because this is a great resource if there’s just not enough lore about solomon’s lesser key demon!!eventhoitsnotofficialbutilikeit) so my commentary is [like this]

“Who is Dantalion you may well ask… and it shall be answered” (…)

Dantalion - Spirit of knowledge, empathy, passion, love, emotions/intellect, Demon of mind.

Abilities (Generally, he can teach you everything that each human in this world has thought about or known, but of course these are his main job)

He knows thoughts of all people and can change them at his will - and also can teach you how to do this (also telepathy) [time lords are perfect hosts]

He teaches all art & sciences (ya know this before, but I wanted to classify it) [time lords are perfect hosts, specifically prydonians/patrexes]

He teaches how to achieve alternative states of consciousness (OOBE, Lucid dream, higher states, past life reading, hypnosis etc.) and he can accompany you during them. [time lords are perfect hosts.]

He can help you open astral senses or knowledge of something that you want to know (but better be ready, cause your brain may take a break for a really long moment…) [time lords are perfect hosts!]

Teaches persuasion, manipulation, lies, flirt, good speeches, relations, mind control, generally all social skills. [time lords are perfect hosts!!!!!!]

He can heal/or help you with low self-esteem, negative thoughts, neuroses, depression, other coded wounds in the subconscious. [time lords are perfect hosts: missy vault scene? just eps centered around bill’s mind?]

He can suddenly put in a state of deep peace and relaxation, and show you how to do this with your mind (He also knows a word which makes your mind calming down). [time lords are perfect hosts: see episode LISTEN]

He shows similitude of any person including your person (it’s for empathy skill, when you want to more understand others or people you may like) [time lords are perfect hosts: any new who and yes, shalka is new who fight me]

He can cause love or other emotions (but remember, it’s not like someone who never knew you will love you automatically, but he/she will have more positive thoughts/attitude towards you) [this why he hates it]

Causes obsession, illusions, fear or hallucinations. [this is fun to him]

Causes lust (No, he’s not a nerd who is sitting on the armchair and reading his book with a moral look of your catholic aunt. He knows what is sex and he knows it very good) [WELL OK THEN]

Finds persons similar to themselves and causes them to unite (even if your other half is in the beyond) [time lords are perfect hosts: see the introduction of missy/danny pink arc]

Knows secrets (knowledge, but not only) and reveals secret councils. [all those secret councils??? he’ll expose if you bad.]

Can show you other aspects of your personality and makes you more charismatic/or who you want to become. [time lords are perfect hosts: that entire rose arc and no, the moment is not part of that arc. sorry! but, the moment herself said she aint rose tyler. so technically she took the form of the first incarnation of the TARDIS’ heart, second being 9th (in books she took the form of war doctor) and 3rd being idris (involuntarily)]

Causes people not paying attention to you ( so you can secretly work) [time lords are perfect hosts: the earth not knowing the doctor/timelords exist plotline...I MEAN]

Preferences (you probably saw lots of other planets/elements/zodiac assigned to him and you were wondering what’s going on - these depends really on aspects, that’s why I mentioned a few, best suited to his nature)

Zodiac - Pisces(venusian), Aquarius (saturnian) Planets - Venus/Moon, Saturn [and this is why dantalion knows venusian aikido] Elements - Water/Air (perfect harmony between the intellect and emotions) Number - 9 [he think he funny w/ that upside down 6. he aint] Quarter - North (north gate) Time - Night time/morning (generally before noon) Color - Gray, red, purple, green, (dark green or dark purple) blue, black. [can you believe that i sure didn’t know about this until i stumbled on this??? a muse meant to be OKAY!!! all those years rping and i was guessing oN A WHIM??? that demon must have told me: do me justice because !!! ] Candle color - Green, purple, generally dark shades (u can also use white) Tarot card - 9 of chalices. Stones - Pearl, emerald. King - Paimon (he’s one of his dukes) [note: formally]

Offerings Raspberries, cherries, tea, honey, whisky, classy wine, flowers - dandelions, roses (especially with passionate colors - he’s a romantic guy) nuts, your love.

Scent - Sandalwood, honeysuckle, jasmine, rose petals.

Appearance Usually shows up as a robed man with women’s and men’s faces and with the book in his right hand (sometimes replaced with a mirror). But he’s a shape-shifter, so he can take any other form. This spirit can look like a man you may personally know (or not) or even he may look like you. You can also see him as a black cloaked figure, black mist with eyes, gray cloud or floating face. He usually appears as a tall and slim man, in style of gentleman or businessman. ( I (the author) usually see him as a man dressed in dark robes with pale skin, black long hair decorated with jewels tied back and with crown) [TALL SLIM MAN ok sure]

Voice Most often dark and deep. Can also be as whispers or male and female alternating voices. Often speaks quite poetically (but he also knows nice slangs) [thanks 15.ai!Tenth Doctor. you right on the money]

Energy (how to recognize) His energy is very strong, focused and deep. You can feel the multidimensional planes of his being and it’s very characteristic. It is very penetrating, surrounding you from all sides and you may feel like your mind is a bit underwater. Generally, his energy is quite psychedelic and the effects are different. After, you may feel on high (like after good marijuana) have a headache or just feel weird. If you look closer, you will also feel great calm from his essence. [time lords are perfect hosts: the matrix]

Personality Just remember one word - COMPLEX. You will never really know how he will behave, because he’s like chameleon - he adapts to people, situations and places. For one, he will be a nice guy full of heat, and for another a dark tricky spirit. He may look cold and serious at the beginning, associated with his “knowledge aspect” (air) but he’s also very emotional spirit. He’s impulsive, determined and it’s quite easy to offend him. He has these two aspects connected (intellect/emotions) with whom empathy and healthy thinking can exist. If he behaves quite dark/annoying/arrogant that’s usually because he wants to protect himself (it was a bit like empath complex - the most openhearted and sensitive people are used by others the most) So he seeks balance and tests people. In reality, he’s a very generous spirit, patient and forgives quite quickly, but also he trusts hard and always needs control (he must see everything).

Dantalion is a spirit who is focused on human bonds, so you may see him talking about ethics/morals or knowledge which opens people to the truth about their nature - that people are the same. We will always be individualists but our needs are very similar - we want to be loved, appreciated and satisfied with our actions. People may create stereotypes, hierarchy, determinants of coolness but no human will create your face and never see through your eyes.

Dandelion (sounds familiar to Dantalion, it’s not a coincidence) is a symbol of this unity. Seeds of this plant may flew away with the wind but they’re still a part of this plant with which they have formed the whole before.

Tips for working

Take it slow. This spirit can make you very obsessed (u feel these nights when you were searching the entire internet to find him and you didn’t know why?) [AHAHAme] Look through your thoughts and set your clear goal - if you want to find him try invoke him or meditate, but don’t rush. Follow your goal not obsession. Dantalion will not run away from this world.

If you want to start relationship with him, prepare for patience again. At the beginning he’s formal, cold and not very emotional. He must find a place for you and adapt. (he’s a real thinker) Show the heart, he will show it too.

Get ready for a tests - he can test your intellect or your transparency in thinking.

Speak directly. He has sense of humor, don’t worry, but sometimes he takes words a bit too literally…[he do tho]

He doesn’t like work alone. If you’re this type and you prefer sit and wait when the spirit will end all his work, this may take a long time (except when these aren’t big things, then no problemo) Otherwise, He may start to make sure you’re still planning to pay him, and everything will be slower. (He non stop must watch what’s going on)

He usually works quick but he sometimes has a several episodes when he’s a bit more limited (idk maybe he has this delegation again) and he answers for a few days. Just wait 3-4 days and if nothing happened try again.

As I said before, it’s easy to offend him. He has big ego. Know your way and know what you want but unnecessary words can cause an awkward atmosphere. Get upset, but continue anyway with determination. Let it be rational and intelligent talk.

Other asks

When you did invocation/prayer and you don’t feel his presence that doesn’t mean he wasn’t there. He usually sees everything with his eye and even he may already work with you but you don’t feel it consciously. He likes working behind the curtain.

Sometimes he acts weird and unexpected. People do strange things, your cat began to like him more than you, one time he wants to talk and the other he prefers to sleep, he walks on the wall, whispers strange things and this day he prefers eat pizza than classy alcohol. Can encourage you to play. It’s just his complex nature. [yep]

He’s not a demanding spirit. Just give him something from your heart or what you think is valuable.

He’s a good guardian when it comes to safety with people.

This spirit has equal gender. Dantalion is both female and male. Here I prefer call him “he” because that was my experience and this spirit’s attitude. [time lords are perfect hosts]

Dantalion is a djinn, demon, fallen angel, dark angel - he’s everything. Name as you want. [he prefer demon/fallen angel because he was an angel]

He may look nice and with good heart but he also HATES. He really gets pissed off and can destroy your life very hard when you think you shouldn’t give him what have you promised earlier (and then there’s no empathy at all …) [time lords are perfect hosts: i did make vin his host for a time for a reason...didn’t think that i end up being true to that character......]

He’s [used to be] a very loyal boy if your work was successful. He can come back to you even after a year without contact.

His attributes/symbols are - eyes/eye, faces, crown, books, the speaker, the judge, Judge’s stuff of high social rank, scepter, psychedelic waves/smoke, dandelions, brain, mask, mirror, water, clouds, the priest (absolutely not about religion but more about education and speaking to people) [EMOJIS]

[ninja8tyu]

I was told literally 4 days ago to not make threats, and within that span of time, I’m reminded of why I gave up on rational reasoning a long time ago.

+

1) People don’t care about the facts.

Oh, maybe the lucky few care, but majority of people are pathetic expendable sheep who jump onto the bandwagon, regardless of where it’s headed. It doesn’t matter how many goddamn facts you slam onto the table, every single goddamn human on this planet goes “b-but... my morality and feels...”

Like fuck sakes. What am I supposed to do about that? Call the FBI or some shit and have them deal with this shit when the topic’s about something that can negatively impact, ruin, or even kill massive amounts of people? Then that really wouldn’t be any different than using force, now would it? What’re the FBI and crap gonna do? The same kind of “hey, don’t do that, here are the facts, calm down” that many others, not just me, have attempted to do but failed to succeed?

To be honest, I feel like people try too hard to copy Gandhi. He even failed in the end when his killers were executed despite his preaching of non-violence. Ironic, isn’t it, that the kindest man promoted violence with his death, despite even feeling sorry for his killers in his last moments.

So yeah. Kinda pissed. Why do I have to play a saint for a steadfast sinner? I doubt anyone tried to talk it out with Osama bin Laden and ISIS when they massacred innocents “for allah” and shit. Try Hitler.

That, and people twist the facts for their own agenda. I remember some textbook cited a study that disproved the positive correlation between violence and video games, but of course, the textbook said there was a cause between the two in the positive direction, when in reality, the study proved a negative correlation.

+

2) People don’t listen and aren’t open to change in the slightest.

Oh, maybe the lucky few care, but majority of people don’t listen at all. I can count the amount of “those are good points” said by someone else on my hands, and god if I had a penny for every “lol too long not gonna read” or “lol k sure” I’d pay off the US debt, fully fund everyone’s college education, pay off everyone’s student debt, and somehow still be ungodly rich by the end of it.

Thing is, you can’t change someone who isn’t willing to change. That’s on them. And sure, anyone could say “you can’t control them, so focus on what you can  control,” say that to the Jews during the holocaust. CAN’T CONTROL HITLER, BUT HEY, YOU CAN CHANGE YOURSELF. Seriously, already throughout history, we’ve justified murder for stupider reasons than for justice and peace. Besides for bad reasons, stripping the rights of the Japs in America for peace and terrorism prevention? I wonder how many people died from maltreatment.

While we’re spending our time trying to talk them down, let’s let the bodies pile up from direct and indirect causes rooting from the bastard we’re trying to “civilly reason with.” I can prove with a lot of facts on several issues I argue for that there is a direct and/or indirect cause that will increase the deaths of people via suicide or shootings, but of course, I doubt anyone would care, even if I cite literally every single academic paper on Earth.

+

3) Might makes right in the very end.

“Huh, that makes sense. I’ll stop bullying you,” -a nonexistent bully.

Seriously, if you were a slave, try taking back to a cruel master and telling them to stop because it was wrong. Try being the wimpy kid telling the big fat son of a bitch bully that “what you’re doing is wrong and uncivil” and see if that piece of shit will go like “alright, I’ll stop.”

Every single time, a bad person was stopped because the little guy became the bigger guy, or there was a bigger guy for the little guy to turn to. Tell the little terrorist to stop executing people for allah because they’re hurting people who don’t deserve it. No no, go. Trust me, they won’t shoot you or anything. They’ll DEFINITELY stop.

The reason why bad people wouldn’t stop? Why would they listen to someone clearly weaker than them? Only when you’re on-par or stronger than them is when they’ll listen. My narcissist brother stopped trying to go for a punch after he broke his itty bitty little pinky and fingers when his wussy punch went straight across my cheek, and started listening and talking quite a bit more after that incident.

Which is, honestly, quite hypocritical of me because I don’t do any fighting. I just shout and rant like a motherfucker about issues instead of go out and actually do things.

And sure, I could get the bigger guy. They exist. The teachers, the feds, whatever. Thing is:

a) You can’t rely on others all the time. Call them over for every issue, you know. Tire them out until they can’t do anything. An organization is finite, and its finity is composed of easily tired humans. They also need time to act as well, so what to do when time is of the essence? Just keep crying for someone else?

b) More personal than general, but I’ve had a bad history with asking others for help, only to not receive. Thanks, teachers. I really sense the concern </s>.

+

The issues I have and want to fight against are also issues that no one can just take down with force. It’s ideas. Ideas that people act on and people give power to, which hurt people who have done nothing wrong or wasn’t born just like the others.

Well, technically, eliminate everyone with that idea and it’d be gone, but that wouldn’t work, due to several technical and ethical issues. So uh, no.

To simplify why that wouldn’t work:

case 1) successful genocide

The idea still exists within culture and creations from it, aka books n’ shit.

case 2) burn all the books

The people can still spread it. Hurr durr.

case 3) try both?

People can just reinvent it down the line of history.

case 4) omnicide?

Are you an idiot?

In summary: allowing the idea to exist and be disproven will limit/stop the harm done of the people who let said idea affect them in the future.

+

Thus I introduce you to my unending loop of dealing with stupid people:

Solution 1) Talk it out civilly: wouldn’t work for the reasons above.

Solution 2) Violence and force: wouldn’t work for the reasons above.

The only ways out of the loop are the following:

Escape 1) Drag the ones capable of change out, gain new perspective, possibly help bring others out as well. [Issue: more time passes, more bodies pile up]

Escape 2) Eliminates the ones causing harm and thus minimizes/stops all harm henceforth. [Issue: doesn’t solve underlying problem]

And unless someone wants to accomplish the same task (end unnecessary pain) perfectly, it’s the acceptance of one of the issues to be inevitable and unsolvable.

Personally, I cannot tell anyone who I can’t help the words “well that’s just life” if I choose to be civil, nor be the one who tells who I can’t persuade “this is for the greater good” because in either situation, it’s fucked up for its own reason. So yay, neverending internal conflict.

+

And finally, “why don’t you just ignore them?”

Because I’m not normal (wow, what a surprise) within societal standards, mainly due to aspergers and other mental oddities, and some of this shit I’m “fighting” (as in rant and complain about) for kinda pertains to whether or not I’m gonna die in the future. 

Anyway, that’s all. A therapist sometimes interrupts my train of thought and I end up forgetting to say the stuff I did here, thus never letting me actually resolve the issue.

I still need a professional tho. Need to find and schedule one soon.

[sanzoumon]

Survivors Guilt

Context: Enki lives, Samon dies, Elf technically killed Samon but he used Enki's body to do it.

Warnings: Some descriptions of violence, mostly blood.

---

Once the situation about Elf had been explained, Enki got his job back... sorta. He wasn't a Supervisor, Inori got that job. Enki begrudgingly accepted Deputy and with Inori's lack of work ethic, Enki is pretty much the Supervisor anyway. Which means paperwork. Lots of paperwork... good.

Enki doesn't like to think about it. He does everything he can to disract himself. The workload helps, helps keep his mind off the memory of feeling Samon's blood run down his arm, soak into his uniform. The sensation (excitement) Elf was forcing him to feel. The blood, so much blood, Samon's cries of pain, Samon's smile once he realized he would die soon, Samon telling Enki that he loved him, and Enki being frozen - unable to tell his little brother that he loved him too.

Any time Enki thinks about it, he vomits.

Samon used to cook for him before he got arrested. He liked to do it, so Enki let him. Enki doesn't like to eat anymore. Samon had made eating more than just a chore. Enki remembers how when they first started living together, Samon practically choked on his food at seeing how much Enki was eating and how quickly.

Enki tries to make himself simple meals, like rice and fish, but that brings back more memories of he and Samon eating when they were young. Samon's helpings were always so much smaller than his own because Samon was so small, so very small, too small - he practically tore Samon in half, there was so much blood, how can such a small body have that much blood? He vomits again. Enki avoids eating altogether. He knows he has to eat to survive, but at this point he's not sure if he wants to.

Enki knows, of course, it was Elf who killed Samon and not him. Enki had rid himself of Elf by tearing off his own arm. Samon's death had put Enki's will back into control long enough to do it. But Enki still feels like it was his fault.

Enki can't help but think about Samon. But every time he does it turns into blood and gore and watching his baby brother die in front of him.

Still, Enki thinks about when Samon was born. Enki had been 10 years old. There was so much blood covering such a small body. Their mother was weak after the birth and fell ill, their father took care of her, their grandfather took over teaching the dojo for their father. This left Enki to tend to Samon. Samon took to Enki instantly. For Enki, it was love at first sight. The moment he first held Samon, Enki knew he was the most precious thing in his life. He was so small and so helpless but so full of life.

But soon enough, their mother recovered and father sent Enki to train in the mountains. Enki never told Samon about how he took care of him as a baby and never intended to. But now he wishes he had, that he had been more open with Samon.

He trains. He trains so he can focus on the aches and pains of his body, how strained and exhausted he is. But even that, sometimes he gets flashes of it all, and the next thing he knows he's panicking, hyperventilating.

Enki's never felt so weak before. Even when Elf was controlling him, Enki could still fight it (except for when it really counted).

It's Ruka who notices how he never eats lunch and how he's losing weight. Enki snaps at him, he isn't sure where the anger comes from, but he tells Ruka to stop oogling him and Ruka runs off crying.

He regrets it as soon as Mitsuru shows up a few days later with an order from the Warden: He's being ordered to undergo a psych eval. Enki's quite sure he'll be forced to attend trauma counseling or risk being deemed unfit for duty. And he was right. Twice a week. Twice a week he went in and barely said anything.

When he did speak, he spoke about Samon. The therapist asked him about Noriko and Enki realized that since they both died, he'd been so fixated on Samon, that he forgot about Noriko. Forgotten she had died too. In the few hours after Samon died, and Enki had torn off his arm, Enki wasn't really aware of anything going on around him. He remembers cradling Samon's body and the next thing he knows he's in the infirmary. Houzuki had come in a bit later to tell him Noriko visited him but her body had given out not too long ago. Enki didn't react. That would explain why Houzuki was avoiding him.

The therapy helps. Enki starts eating again. He supposes he should thank Ruka for reporting his concerns, but he still feels angry at Ruka for showing him concern, for trying to help him, as tho Enki deserved concern or help.

For the first time in his life, he got drunk one night and woke up in Building 4. He woke up with a bunch of dogs piled on him and one confused looking young guard gently waking him up. For a brief moment Enki remembered the few times he'd overslept and Samon had to wake him up, Samon was always gentle since Enki was a grump in the mornings. So for a moment Enki let himself believe it was Samon.

But it was Hitoshi. Hitoshi offered him coffee to help with his hangover. He didn't stay long, since he didn't want Yozakura finding out about this. Hitoshi agrees not to tell anyone.

He hears the inmates talk about Samon a lot. Many of them still (rightfully) distrust him. Numerous times he's heard how much they miss Samon and why couldn't Enki have died instead?

Enki thinks about that a lot. Thinks about just ending it, since he deserves it. But he doesn't because neither Noriko nor Samon would want him to. But also it's out of spite. His little brother and Noriko died, Elf took the only two people he truly cared about in this world, so he won't give Elf the satisfaction of Enki dying too.

Easier said than done. It would be easier to end it all and Enki's so tired of everything. What saves him was something so simple and ridiculous, he doesn't even know who to thank for it.

Someone left him a gift. It was a little Samon doll along with a note that was written by Samon. The note was something every guard was expected to write in the event they died in the line of duty. The letter would be sent to a loved one. Enki had thought, after he was arrested, Samon would have changed who his went to (Enki knew all along that Samon left him the letter, even if Samon never said it... Enki left his to Samon too). He had changed it after Enki was arrested because it mentions it. Samon wrote that he may never know why but that, no matter what happened, they were brothers and Samon would always love him. That he was sure Enki still loved him too. And that he hoped they could be brothers again in their next life.

Enki's never been into plushies before but he starts sleeping with it every night. He feels a little less lonely with it. He doesn't know who sent him the gift but he suspects the Warden or Mitsuru had something to do with it.

---

That's enough pain for now, kiddos. I'm crying too much to continue. I can make it more painful, but I can only take so much in one whack.

[oh-beyond]

Saviour AU - Part 4

He wasn’t rich like the others, he didn’t really fit, but he was part of the group, the rich boys that had investments in one of the biggest companies in the country, they were powerful and handsome and they could get anything the wanted, money had corrupted their every day actions, money that Byun Baekhyun didn’t have, to what extent was he like them?

You were lucky enough to be delivering the coffee every morning, you just wanted to see him, and to see him meant seeing the others too…

You had faith that he was different… just don’t trust him too much he might surprise you, and not in a good way.

Business AU/Angst/Smut in future parts.

Baekhyun x Reader ft. Chanyeol, Chen, Kai & Lay (Mentions of EXO OT12)

Masterlist

Saviour Masterpost

< Part 3 - Part 5 >

Summary: Baekhyun was very confused at his dearest friend’s behaviour, what was Chanyeol trying to prove? He felt protective of you all of a sudden... not even guilty anymore for getting your confession out of you...

“Chanyeol? What are you saying? Guys stop it, this is getting dangerous, Xiumin hyung? Suho hyung please say something” Baekhyun pleaded extremely worried watching Chanyeol’s face expressions and the way his body shook, this wasn’t his friend.

“A bet? What kind of bet? Alright Chanyeol whatever bet you are going to get in with Kai you know you will lose if it’s girls related that is, besides ___? She’s mine” said Xiumin proudly making Chanyeol’s eyes double in side “no don’t look at me like that, I just mean that if getting ___ is the bet I would for sure win, not that I’m interested, Saehyo is more my type” he added touching his lips.

“Hyung~~~!” whined Suho “you are not making things better, stop this nonsense please" Suho scrunching his nose.

“No let him, I will prove you all wrong, she’s different, she will fall for me and only me, do whatever you need to do I am absolutely fine, I am confident of my choice, this is the real deal and I can bet you all that ___ is a decent girl that will fall in love with me” added Chanyeol his voice cracked tears almost falling.

The room went completely silent as the 7 guys watched Chanyeol suppress his tears his hands over his hips looking away.

“Let’s go home Chanyeol” said Baekhyun tapping on his dear friend’s back.

“Wait...” he said looking at them “I mean it, as from now you are all in this bet”

“I am not interested thanks I pass” said D.O coldly going back to his phone.

“Well make an effort hyung, I am going to prove you my point, if you really appreciate me or you give a damn, I am betting you all that no matter what you do or offer ‘my girl’ won’t accept and she will come to me”

“Chanyeol-ah~~~ what makes you think that anyways? I mean yes you might have a valid point, she could be one of those women that actually have self respect, I mean we are always looking in the wrong places, none of us ever thought about a real relationship before, what you are proposing is that you already know she has feelings for you and she won’t cheat on you, are we missing something?” asked Suho trying to reason with Chanyeol.

“No she has zero feelings for me, but she will chose me because I am the only one that is not a fuckboy among us except for Baekhyun and Lay hyung who isn’t here” replied Chanyeol looking at all of them.

“Not a fuckboy? Since when tho hyung, maybe not a fuckboy cuz you can’t get any, but your principles are those of fuckboys, just like anyone of us, and as for Baekhyun hyung... he is not exactly a virgin” said Kai in a serious tone.

Baekhyun felt horrible, he understood exactly what Chanyeol meant, and he also knew that you will never accept him, Baekhyun felt the way you genuinely liked him, he was in the biggest shit hole.

“I still think is not a decent way, Chanyeol forget about all this and get your girl properly” said Suho tapping on his shoulders “she will go to you because she will know it’s real feelings, that you are not trying to toy with her”

“Nah ah ah, I am up for this challenge, she’ll be in my bed... multiple times, I will enjoy that a lot, I’ll make her scream ‘Jongdae’ harder than any girl ever had, decent my ass”

Xiumin punched Chen on his shoulder lightly as Suho shot him a death glare. 

Chanyeol run his hand through his hair and exhaled calming himself down “we’ll see about that” is all he could muster.

Baekhyun drove the car to Chanyeol’s condo, he could hear every annoyed breath his friend took, he rubbed his head and kicked with his feet, Baekhyun couldn’t say anything, he felt just as disgusted, he felt like he should probably tell him about you liking him to end all this ordeal...

“Don’t tell her”

“Hm?” Baekhyun was awoken from his thoughts “tell what? Who?”

“I know you must be thinking I’m filth, but I have a point”

Filth is what Baekhyun felt like at the moment...

“Why are you doing this Chanyeol-ah?”

“I love her”

“No you don’t, you wouldn’t do this to the girl you love”

“I know she’s different”

“What if she likes someone else, someone from the guys? You would be throwing her his way, it wouldn’t mean she’s bad, she would be accepting the dude she likes, didn’t this cross your mind?”

“Then it’s her loss, no one is good enough for her except you Baekhyun or Lay hyung, you are the only decent guys”

Baekhyun choked in his spit when he heard that “me?”

“Yes you, you are not a player, you never played with a girl before”

“So if she falls for me you would be OK with it?”

Chanyeol fell silent for a moment before turning his head to Baekhyun “I would kill you my friend, you wouldn’t go that low would you?”

Baekhyun gulped “no no man! OMG I mean what if she falls for me? I have no interest in my brother’s girl, what the actual fuck Chanyeol? How could you even ask me something like that?”

“I’m sorry man, I’m just... I’m... I don’t know I never experienced this before, I swear if she would of taken me back in high school I’d probably be married to her by now and have a bunch of kids”

“I didn’t know you liked her that much”

“Yes you did”

“I guess I did ha? I am sorry for not acknowledging this before Chanyeol, I will do anything to make her see you the way you see her”

“Nevertheless - I want you to be in the bet too” said Chanyeol with a firm tone not joking around.

That was yet the most outrageous request, was it because as Chanyeol said that he was a decent guy? Was it to prove to himself that even with a guy like Baekhyun you would still want Chanyeol? Why was Chanyeol acting so blundering? All this was a mess, but Baekhyun couldn’t ever refuse anything to Chanyeol, just this once he would... Chanyeol didn’t have to know that Baekhyun wasn’t trying with you because simply you were in love with him and he didn’t need to try anything, he just wished you would open your eyes and give Chanyeol a chance...

But why did that thought sting him a little...?

The rules of the bet were set as each one having a full day to persuade you into getting physical, the moment you gave in for a kiss would be 1 point for the one who kissed you, by the end in day 10 whoever gets a second kiss would be the winner, no one was allowed to try to do anything on a day that didn’t correspond him, just in day 10 it would be the final battle.

No forcing was allowed, the rules also mentioned that as soon as you felt uncomfortable and any word of discomfort was mentioned they would assume defeat and let you go, besides that anything else was allowed, fake promises, all the lies they could muster to make you sway, all the presents and propositions were allowed. 

Suho, D.O and of course Baekhyun were the only ones that didn’t want to play this game, each one for a reason, Suho thought that it was ethically wrong, D.O simply wasn’t into this shit and you didn’t attract him one bit, just the thought of having to kiss you made him want to puke, and Baekhyun... his dear friend... and something else he couldn’t put his finger on yet. Xiumin just wished that you wouldn’t tell Saehyo because he really was into this girl and when Xiumin had a girl in mind not getting her would ruin his mood, not very often he had this kind of hormonal attacks unlike Kai who was basically a man-slut, but when Xiumin set his eyes on something he had to get it.

Day 1: Encounter with Sehun

“Right bitches look at the kid winning this thing from day 1, I don’t put much effort like Kai, but when I do... poor souls, I’m going to make you all cry”

“Yeah shut up Sehun and go” said Chen with a smirk.

“Just before I go, Chanyeol hyung are you sure you are alright with this? I really don’t want to upset you”

“Fuck off Sehun-ah, I already said I have nothing to fear”

“Alrighty”

Sehun took the phone and dialled the extension of the cafe.

“Hi ___! Can you please bring me an iced drink to my office in exactly an hour?”

“Yes Oh Sehun-ssi, what falvour would you like, any specific request?”

“Anything of your choice, surprise me, I just like something cold after I work out, you know where is Jongin’s and my office right?”

“Absolutelly”

“Perfect so, see you in an hour”

“Uuuuuuuuuuuuh, exercise! You fucker, gonna show her some skin are you?” teased Kai.

“He knows his forte, still you are too plain pretty boy” added Chen.

“We’ll see how it goes” he said satisfied getting up already unbuttoning his shirt at his wrists.

“Don’t over do it Sehun-ah, be a gentleman, please we don’t want trouble, I still can’t believe I agreed to this” said Suho frowning.

Baekhyun looked at Chanyeol who’s nostrils were flaring, he couldn’t hide how annoyed he was, yet he had faith in you, altho Sehun did really have an impressive body...

You knocked on the door to Kai’s and Sehun’s office.

“Come in” you heard Kai saying.

You opened the door and Kai just closed his laptop getting up taking his car keys “he’s inside” he said winking at you.

You kind of were glad that he left because this human being was a born flirt, and man he could, he was a master at it.

You knocked a second door inside the spacious office.

“If you are not ___ leave because I’m busy”

“I am Sehun-ssi”

“Well come in then girl”

You slowly opened the door carefully not to drop the tray with the drink in your other hand, you were met with Sehun in low baggy black shorts and a very sweaty baby blue tank top, his shoulders... ethereal, they were impossibly broad, like you blinked a few times to adjust to them, his collarbones... deep... the view... was he a hologram? 

“Come closer please, what did you get me?”

“It’s Piña Colada smoothie” you said coming closer offering him the drink.

He sat in the bench putting the dumbles on the floor “come sit with me for a moment”

“I really have to get going”

“Just sit for a moment” he pulled at your wrist making you sit next to him, his sweaty knee rubbing on yours.

He placed his lips on the straw and sucked closing his eyes making a satisfied noise as the cold drink went down his throat “it’s very nice, what does it have?”

“The regular, pineapple, orange juice, coconut milk and frozen yogurt”

“I love it” he added flicking his hair to the side, but this guy was gorgeous, a greek sculpture...

“I’m glad Sehun-ssi, I better go” you said standing up heading back to the door.

“Ouch aaaah” you heard him Sehun’s pain pleads, you turned around and saw him rubbing his work of art shoulder “it’s so sore”

“You need help with anything?”

“Could you maybe rub my shoulder?”

“I don’t-”

“Is Jongin still here? If he is ask him to come he will do it”

“No he actually left when I came... what is that you need me to do?”

“Just press here, come I’ll show you how, sit on the bench”

You innocently sat on the bench not expecting Sehun to take off his tank top, he revealed yet what was even better, his body was not real, that much you knew, he wasn’t just a regular built guy with muscles, he was a mix between that and a swimmer’s body, just perfection.

But the assault kept going when he leaned his head on your lap, you gasped in surprise when his warm sweat seeped through your pants and hit your skin.

“Sehun-ssi? I-”

“Here” he said taking your hand placing it on his enormous shoulder “please it’s killing me”

You rubbed him skeptical, this looked horrible, if anyone opened the door right now you would look like shit, what if Baekhyun came in, the thought alarmed you, you stood up in panic.

“Sorry Sehun-ssi, I think you should call someone else, this doesn’t look good”

Sehun stood up also facing you closely, he was very tall and intimidating, his sharp factions and his bare torso made it even more intimidating.

“But I want you to do it, your hands will make me fell better” he took your hands on his and rubbed circles at the back of both.

You pulled them and took the tray shielding yourself from him “I really need to go”

You opened the door but he slammed it close again his face coming at your eye level.

“Would you? Would you leave me in pain? All I’m asking you is to give me a massage, I could shower if the sweat is bothering you babygirl”

Babygirl??? OK this sounded horrible, where is the panic button? You needed to get out of there... NOW.

“I’d like to go back to my work place Sehun-ssi”

“Such a pity, but I guess I can’t force you”

He opened the door for you and watched you sprint out stumbling on Kai who wore a nice teasy smile, you bowed and left the office.

“___ 1 - Sehun 0! Puhahahaha, nice job bro, she’s fucking terrified, them shoulders didn’t work ha?”

“Shut up Kai, she must be lesbian, otherwise explain to me how?”

“Man you have no touch, you are so new to this business”

“I don’t need this business unlike you who works for it, usually girls run after me”

“That’s not always satisfying, working for it also tastes good bro”

“Yeah whatever, we’ll see what you got when it’s your turn” added Sehun taking his phone dialling a number.

“Who are you calling? Arranging a date to pump you ego?” asked Kai.

“Two dates, because I can”

Your breath was audible, your chest heaved heavily, Saehyo brought you a glass of water and asked you to sit, she tried getting out of you what happened but all you wanted was to forget.

You fixed your ponytail and went back behind the counter meeting Chanyeol and Baekhyun, they had already heard the news and Chanyeol was the happiest you’d ever seen him, if you only knew why.

“Are you alright ___?” he asked with a proud smile.

“I am now that I saw you” you blurted out facing both Chanyeol and Baekhyun.

Baekhyun’s heart stung...

________________________

A/N: Encounters will happen with each member and she will go through some deep shit...

Thanks for reading, feedback always welcomed ^_^

[believepeyton]

Let me prerequisite this with an apology to the folks who (for some reason or another) follow me on this shit. If I can be frank. Forgetting the last time we saw each other. I've always thought that our break up was a mistake. Bad communication on top of more bad communication on my part. I just literally needed space. Easy to say now, right? I feel like saying all what I'm about to say will give you some type of joy or satisfaction and I don't really give a fuck about that anymore. at this point things have gotten pretty unfortunate for the two of us. But I am going to go on a latte induced rant while this is on my mind and because there is a good chance I will never physically see you again. However I will remember all physical aspects of you probably for a very long time. Your walk and stride The way you plump down on bar stools when you've had a stressful day at all the jobs/school you've dealt with and I can tell you've been wanting to relax. The way you just plump down on any seat when your exhausted really. I've always admired your work ethic. You deserve to always take a load off While you would take sips of Diet Coke I knew in my mind exactly when you take the can/bottle away from your mouth. Let it sit, usually way too long. Then give it a few bigger sips until it's done. I hate Diet Coke but got off on mimicking your sip and stealing some of your coveted dc. You never noticed that. Not sure how anyone would. So much non verbal or touch communication where I just knew what you were saying. Which I suppose becomes a thing of any couple/pair/team. But damnit I know yours so well. Sorry. Anyways. Obviously I've recapped a lot of memories we've had. From the beginning at brixx up until the bitter end. And I used to disagree with you about our best times being when I lived on meridian. Until I stumbled upon a picture of you putting up the bed above my bed. Those times were obviously infatuation stage but they were great. Mark it down. I've almost told you this a million times and always bit my tongue. I didn't really want to date you. I had all of my friends telling me you were awesome and that I should but i was afraid to. Especially after just getting the bartending job at a young age thinking I'd be some type of stud at Holland (lol right). I had feelings for you but wasn't sure what was right. I've always been indecisive. I felt somewhat compelled to be with you after getting you to dump your then boyfriend. Please don't take this the wrong way. I've ALWAYS had feelings for you but was afraid of commitment. But then 😎 and your mother came to the back bar. I had never met them. Your mom asks for a drink. Smiling the whole time. Then asks "do you have a girlfriend" This was probably a week, no more than 2 weeks after we pretty much became a thing The shitty old me initially wanted to say no. But I said "yes I do actually" And your mom said "I'm her mother" I was pleased to meet her (she got a vodka grapefruit) and pleased with myself for not being a young shit head and saying no for the sake of seeming attainable in front of female bar guests and over all just feeling excited that I would see you when I got done and tell you I ran into your mother. Which I did tell you. And you showed me a text of her saying i was cute or handsome or something like that (please tell me I'm not making that up). All in all, cool night. I sincerely hope you don't take that anecdote the wrong way. I'm so happy to have been a part of an important time period in your life and very thankful to have had you during that same time I mine. Without you I'd hate to think about what I'd be like. I know we've done this "good luck to you love you talk to me every now and then" shit more times than anyone. But I seriously want the best for you. I want you to do something that uses your creativity, wit, strange/lovely/sometimes morbid humor. I want you to be with another person that makes you happy and supports you, not just someone who people say will "take good care of you" because I know you're able to take care of yourself. And fuck it maybe don't find anyone else ever again. Be a vagabond rolling around doing art and off jobs and maybe write a cool novel about it.. Just an idea. (Please list me in some type of foreword if you decide to actually write that novel.working title "big mama: a tale of travels without a comma"). I'll end this stupid rant I will probably end up deleting in 4 hours with a list of memories and whatnot. Us dancing. In the porter house specifically. Listening room night. EVERY taco night. Recently was asked to cook tacos with someone else and couldn't bring myself to. Did mention that meatless crumbles are good as hell. Words out. Meridian porch Our porch Your porch My porch So much music. Almost can't listen to anything Anymore. You have an open ear and great taste. Always a hard quality to find in anyone. Reading memoirs by comedians in your bed. One laugh always followed by "read this" or she/he wrote this. While on this subject. The infamous it's always sunny laugh. Never felt a more pleasurable pain Late night talks that had substance. Lazy mornings. And I'm sorry I was the cause of so many unproductive days. But I will say I enjoyed many of them. All the stupidly (amazing) night time snacks and netflixin Don't get me started on game of thrones Trying new foods You showing me so much art You making so much art. (You really are gifted) I wish you'd stop being so hard on yourself with it. All of our travels. Even Montreal. It was so bad it's funny to me now. Good brunch tho. I feel like these are all just skimming the surface. And I could keep going. But I think we both know. Attached is a gif of my face when I press post to all this nonsense.

[thedramafilesblog-blog]

Appearing before The Dramacourt: Suits (Korea) Episodes 1 and 2

***If this is your first time browsing The Drama Files, please read The Rules section first for our reviewing and rating system***

***Disclaimer***: This analysis based on Canadian law. This is also NOT LEGAL ADVICE for anyone and this drama is FICTIONAL.

Issues:

Whether the portrayal of Kang Seok and CEO Ha Yeon managing client expectations is accurate.

Whether interviewing for jobs at law firms are as shown.

Whether corporate lawyers can practice criminal law.

Whether you can get potential clients to sign retainer agreements while they are high out of their minds.

Whether you can blackmail your client into dropping his lawsuit against you.

Whether the bromance is legit.

Are Ji Na and Geon Woo the new Mike and Rachel?

The Rule(s):

Yes. Minus the whole lying to the client part.

Somewhat…

It depends…

No!

Hell No!

Ehhh….We’re not really feeling it

Not really….

Analysis:

RedRosette J: Hi guys! Sorry we’ve been AWOL for a while. We had to do some life things like finish Law School! (YAY!) And just as we graduate we get the opportunity to review Suits (Korea)! (*Cheer*) I have to start off by saying that I was a HUGE fan of the US original and I absolutely LOVED it at first. Then I went to Law School and all I could see was how badly written the law stuff was and I had to stop watching it for awhile (occupational hazard LOL). When I heard there was going to be a Kdrama version starring HYUNGSIK I was beyond sold on it! I am all about Hyungsik and his puppyness!

❤

RedRosette J: What really surprised me was how similar to the US version the first two episodes were. They were almost exactly alike but with a little bit of Kdrama jazz added to it. The cinematography, the script, the OST (right down to that quirky toast food truck) was very similar (out of curiosity I went and re-watched the US version pilot episode to compare). I wasn’t sure if I was going to be a fan of the remake because remakes usually faceplant and don’t end well, but I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised!

#aesthetics

Breaking the law like

Dat sandwich tho

Client meetings on the street like?

This is what drowning in work looks like

When your boss is weird af but you have to act normal and keep a straight face

RedRosette J: I am a huge Hyunsik fan and I think that he makes a good “Mike Ross” (Geon Woo) character. When Hyungsik is up with Jang Dong Gun though his acting can be a little underwhelming but I mean it’s not the end of the world. Hyungsik does manage to give us his sad puppy eyes which made my heart melt for poor Geon Woo.  Jang Dong Gun on the other hand is a pretty good Harvey Specter in his character Choi Kang Seok and I’m buying whatever he’s selling.

RedRosette J: I wish CEO Ha Yeon (Jessica Pearson in this alternate reality) had had more screen time because she seems to be written as a composed bad ass just like her US counterpart. From what little we saw, the actress is doing a good job living up to the role so far. I’m slightly disappointed in the Louis Litt character played by Choi Gwi Hwa because a little bit of Louis’s zany-ness is missing from the character Chae Geun Sik. Sure, he is still married to his dictaphone and talks to his pet goldfish but I wish it would have been a bit funnier. I also wish the remake stuck to the running joke about how Louis hates his ancient secretary Norma (LMAO!). I am also not that ecstatic about the Donna character equivalent Hong Da Ham because while the friendship with Kang Seok exists, its not on the same playful level as between Donna and Harvey. I also accept that certain things can get swept away or underplayed in remakes and that character relationships can change when cultural norms are imported into the new version.

#pantsuitgoals

THE DICTAPHONE

Her fashion is on point

Harvey-Donna vibes

In every alternate reality Louis tries to poach Donna!

RedRosette J: As of now, I’m not a fan of the Rachel character Kim Ji Na. She came off too bitchy and mean and I feel like Go Sung Hee doesn’t have electric chemistry with Hyungsik which makes their banter fall a bit flat for me. The drama needs to work on the two of them. The drama however did stay true to the annoying Trevor and Jenny characters in Cheol Soon and Se Hee which I liked and I can’t wait too watch Geon Woo free himself of those toxic friendships.

Kim Ji Na you need to redeem yourself like asap

Oh look its the Trevor guy who ruins Geon Woo’s life

Please do not make this a thing like in the US version

RedRosette J: This remake had big shoes to fill and for the most part I think it delivered.

Issue 1: Whether the portrayal of Kang Seok and CEO Ha Yeon managing client expectations is accurate.

RedRosette J: You do need to manage your client’s expectations just so that they don’t think that you can get them the sun and moon when they retain your services. While I do think that Ha Yeon and Kang Seok needed to talk to their (obnoxious) client so that he was clear about what their services entailed and what he could expect from them, I don’t think it was appropriate (AT ALL) for Kang Seok to lie to him about getting paid already and that the client should just do what they tell him to do. That’s not really how it works. Lying to the client is a big No-No and breaks like a zillion lawyer ethics and rules. To the drama’s credit though, this was addressed constantly throughout both episodes so kudos to that!

When your client is an ass but you gotta be professional

Issue 2: Whether interviewing for jobs at law firms are as shown.

RedRosette J: I can’t really speak for what interviewing as an associate is like because I am technically still a student but for the most part that is what it is like. Everyone gets crowded into a big hall (typically at some shitty banquet hall or convention center) and there’s a lady at the desk who takes your name and then you wait to be called in and the waiting room is a giant stressball of candidates memorizing their perfectly crafted answers. It’s actually quite terrifying. Unfortunately, in real life, it’s nowhere near as nice as the fancy shmancy hotel the Kang & Ham interviews were held at LOL!

Can you feel the stress? Because I can

Who interviews people like this?

Issue 3: Whether corporate lawyers can practice criminal law.

RedRosette J: There’s a common misconception that having the title “Lawyer” means the person knows everything about “the law” and can practice in any type of law whenever they want. FALSE. Most lawyers work in highly specialized parts of the law and it is not recommended that you retain a lawyer who primarily works in one type of law to represent you in a case that is about a totally different type of law. Case in point: corporate lawyers are not experts in criminal law, so don’t get a corporate lawyer to defend you on a criminal case. It’s not that they can’t, it’s just that your interests will be better served by someone who has specialized knowledge in that area. That’s why there are criminal defense lawyers! I think it’s a bit silly that shows do this.

Specialize in one thing peeps

The worst that could happen is you could go to jail bro. It’s all good.

Getting handed your first case like

Issue 4: Whether you can get potential clients to sign retainer agreements while they are high out of their minds.

RedRosette J: Ummm….NO!!!! This is so beyond unethical I can’t even. You cannot get a client to sign a retainer agreement (an agreement stating that they allow you to be their legal representative) while they are high out of their minds! A person entering into any agreement must have the mental capacity and be of sound mind to make a rational and well thought out decision as to whether to enter into the agreement or not. Someone who is as high as a kite on Molly or whatever Lee Yi Kyung’s character was taking was definitely not of sound mind and he was definitely not able to enter into the agreement rationally. On top of that, he was also coerced by the arrival of the cops and Kang Seok threatening him! Nope. No. No can do.

Nope. Not ok. DO NOT SIGN THAT DUDE!

Issue 5: Whether you can blackmail your client into dropping his lawsuit against you.

RedRosette J: Yo no you cannot! Absolutely not. This violates a whole bunch of lawyer ethics, not to mention it is also breaking the law. So no. No matter how much of a pig your client is, you cannot blackmail them into dropping their lawsuit against you. You’d go to jail or be disbarred or both.

Definitely not ok.

Issue 6: Whether the bromance is legit.

RedRosette J: Unfortunately……(don’t hate me) it fell a bit flat for me. I was expecting a fast talking, movie line quoting bromance like the original, but this one just didn’t quite get there for me. While both actors have merit, there’s just something missing between them that just doesn’t quite make the bromance super awesome and one that you want to root for. As of right now, the only relationship on the show I care about is the one of Geon Woo and his Grandma.

This version of Harvey is a baseball fan!

Sorry not feeling it

Nope

Still nothing

Awww my poor heart can’t take it

Issue 7: Are Ji Na and Geon Woo the new Mike and Rachel?

RedRosette J: Again, this fell a bit flat to me because a) their first (real) meeting didn’t have the psazz like Mike and Rachel’s had, b) there was no indication of Geon Woo being totally smitten by Ji Na when they first meet (unlike Mike Ross who is instantly in total awe of Rachel) and c) they shouldn’t have tried to kdrama trope-fy the first meeting. Also idk whether it has to do with the whole kdrama love-hate trope but Ji Na carried that grudge about the rainwater splashing on her for far too long. Girl. Get over it. That shirt wasn’t even that nice. Also she was a bit too mean to him but what I did like about her was that when she realized that she had been wrong about him, she apologized without hesitation so she redeemed herself in my eyes a bit. The two also need more screen time for us to really get a sense of whether or not they are the new “Mike and Rachel”. But there is potential there and I’m not totally dismissing them at this point.

This first meeting kind of didn’t work for me

What is this weird vibe?

At least she apologized

Friends now?

Conclusion: Appeal Allowed.

Rating: 4 = I’ll Give You A Cookie (Mostly because they stuck very close to the original)

File No: Suits (Korea)-EPS-01-and-02 Appearing before The Dramacourt: Suits (Korea) Episodes 1 and 2 ***If this is your first time browsing The Drama Files, please read…

[ethereal-aeitherea]

1.30.2018

Today was a day, but really critical in speaking-up and making efforts to be more of the person i’d like to be..... Super anxious and feeling bad rn tho so i’m writing this.

Started with pulling an all-nighter to finish my first ever VR game.

I decided to skip my 3D modeling class to get some 2.5 hour sleep.

I wish I had gone to that class.  Our teacher actually took roll today.  I’ve been going to every class (which was my way of getting myself even enrolled in the class and off the waitlist) but the one day I don’t show up my attendance grade is affected.  Now i have 0% for attendance.  My friend who has been sick the past three classes went today and has 100%.  My friend said I should def email the teacher to say I was sick or something and it’s totally unfair the way the attendance grade got recorded (although he’s happy lol).

After I got up I did my makeup because I looked dull and dead and my expression looks shitty when I’m sleep-deprived and I wanted to pull myself together in preparation to speak up today during critique.  Makeup is confidence for that.  Also just feeling more set in your self helps with composure etc...

My VR game doesn’t work the way I want it to.  Instead of being in the middle of the world, you’re floating off to the side looking in.  The person test-playing my game just stood facing the wall the entire time because that was the closest she could get to my game space.  I felt so bad, it was not the experience I envisioned at all, and it was due to a tiny error I had even made a point to document in my notes.

At the end of crit my teacher asked if I had final comments or things to say and I mentioned my problem with the positioning of the player and he said quite clearly to next time fix those problems right away.  Someone near me was currently fixing his game after his game didn’t work initially, his crit was postponed and we moved on to the next person.  I instantly felt a pang of (shame/guilt/regret/oh-no/fuck/heart sinking idk how to call this) and I felt so disappointed, like after mentioning the issue with the viewpoint why did I not further suggest that I postpone my crit to fix the problem...?

One of the things I thought my teacher would be impressed with was I added a secret to my game which took me forever to code.  I realized understanding the syntax of code is not my strong suit at all.....  I was finally able to get it, but we couldn’t even access it to unlock it (or even be close enough to see it) so it was obsolete.

-

Today marked a shift in behaviours for me.  Rather than working all night on a class (3D modeling) where projects can be turned in late, and then subsequently scrambling to construct a haphazard project for my first ever VR game which is to me more exciting and groundbreaking, I chose 1. HEALTH, and 2. MY INTERESTS.  I decided to sleep so I could wake up and go to the VR lab early (I was hoping I’d get to test my game but the professor wasn’t in the classroom to set up the hardware) and then I didn’t even touch the 3D modeling projects and invested all my time into making a conceptually thought-out virtual reality game.

Choices were made that differ from my usual, typical course of action.  I have noticed especially recently that showing up early reveals a lot and allows time for collecting composing and preparing oneself for success.  Also, conversations happen during this time which can be useful; I’m usually the one to show up right on time or late and then stay afterwards...  But today actually during that time before class where I WASN’T able to test, instead I was actually able to write the code I had been stuck on the night before!  The one to demonstrate the *secret* I had envisioned for my game.  So that was great, I jsut couldn’t see it during play-testing.

I absolved the issue.... admittedly I am kicking myself for it a bit because I had even known about how to avoid this problem occurring but during actual game dev the problem was never an issue to me.  This is a result in the difference between the Steam VR [Camera Rig] asset versus the Unity FPS Controller PreFab.  The Main Camera (automatically interjected into a scene when a Unity project is created) needs to be turned off when using the [Camera Rig].  Makes sense.  However when testing my game myself, without a VR headset I needed to use the FPS (first-person shooter) and not the VR thing, and the Main Camera does not affect the display of this.

So in the actuality of my own experience I did not anticipate that problem.  I located and fixed the problem during class even.  But I was proud of my game, that I felt like I included the baseline of everything I wanted to have, nothing serious or crucial was lacking, I gave myself enough time to work it through to a good enough stage.............. My efforts were not quite illustrated although I was able to speak about them, it’s not quite the same as showing your work.

-

Letting my work speak loudly enough for itself is something I am striving for.  I am tired of having incomplete projects I am embarrassed to show as an example of my work ethic.  I would like to have a finished, working portfolio to demonstrate my capabilities and creative process.  Learning to speak up is part of that journey.

-

After class I was walking with the classmate from earlier, and I wasn’t sure if he was busy and needed to work on his project or if he was fine if I tagged along.  I asked to go check out the work room with him and I got to explore a new area of the Art Building on campus.  I have never actually had a class in that building, they’ve been in the design area or otherwise...  I got to see some of his sketches and work 8To see his process of creating 2D stop-motion animation was fascinating and inspired me to try out new processes of working, and to work diligently and fruitfully at them.

-

After hanging around in the art building for a bit, I went to a club meeting for people who like tea.  I socialized more and tried to learn names again.  The meeting concluded rather quickly but I stayed to socialize afterwards.  It was a bit scary but I tried to act relaxed in that environment, which was a bit awkward already due to the short nature of the meeting and the guest presenter who was asking for volunteer help and people didn’t seem too enthused... I tried my best to socialize and as usual I defaulted to talking about school and classes.  Whenever possible I try to diverge into study abroad because that leads into travel, language, culture, backgrounds, etc. but someone did that for me, by mentioning they had studied abroad themselves.  The girl kind of reminds me of myself, the long dark hair with golden amber ends, the pale skin and “I-rushed-and-didn’t-have-time-for-full-eye-makeup-but-I-can-definitely-do-my-own-face-skillfully” look, with ripped denim jeans and all white skate shoes, calm voice and funny jokes here and there told while maintaining the same voice volume.  I wonder if I looked like her a year ago when my hair was like that.

-

Later talked to someone i had met last school year right after i transferred.  He was a tall asian but born in europe, with a european accent.  I was so interested.  Reconnected with him on a dating app, but I so want to be his friend.  I remember him being attractive since he was SO TALL and had nice shoes but I’ll see how much a year has changed things around.  Coffee tomorrow.  Keep it short and sweet.