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system-of-a-feather · 1 year ago

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Full Integration, Final Fusion, Functional Multiplicitly, and General "Spirituality"

(Disclaimer: this is a very long post)

Heyyo, this is a bit of a hodgepodge of connected topics that I was thinking on this morning. For those that don't know, after like three months of being a really solid fused whole, we really decided that we needed to redivide back into our core parts to recenter, rebalance, and reorganize ourselves since our fused whole was loosing sight / vision of the "plot". We don't consider this "splitting" because we are still in - what we like to call "full integration" - and we don't really engage in much dissociation when we do this as the means of how we do this largely stems from the way we perceive, engage with, and view the concept of "self" and "identity." Our system highly values the mastery and art of a very fluid and ever changing sense of identity and self. This morning - thank you Chunn brain for batting our collective brain from the usual urge to get out of bed and get started with our day to give us time to really sit with our inner selves - we spent about an hour and a half and a small half hour nap just laying there thinking among ourselves and I wanted to share a few.

I think at the moment I am still mostly a fused whole and I had considered trying to go to Ray or Lin for them to write this, but it didn't feel right to go to Ray brain and Lin brain directly told me "Dude, this thought line started with Riku-dominant fused brain, trying to have someone else write it would be a disservice to the reflection. Let Riku or Riku-dominant fused brain do it, it's their thought." and you know, fair point. I think I'll use this post as a temporary "bye few thoughts" and love letter to our parts as a fused whole before leaving it to the individual specialists to do their things.

So introduction to this post aside, hello and temporary soon to be farewell before I choose to temporarily redivide into my main parts. Today is May 15, 2024 and I'm gonna document this a bit for when I come back whenever that is and kind of see if my fused-whole perspective and nature changes - mostly for myself. Online I go by Feathers, irl I just go by our chosen name.

I'm a (mostly, technically non-denominational independent, but most of my views and perspectives come from and align closely with) Zen Buddhist. I'm nonbinary vaguely transmasc (not really though?) intersex individual with the pronouns of they/them. I am extremely pro-endo and if I honestly felt like sticking around longer, I was thinking about writing a much more nuanced essay on tulpa-terminology discourse with my current reflections as a fused whole and as a pretty avid Buddhist but, unforunately, unless one of my parts still shares the same insight AND interest, that essay will have to wait for me to potentially be back (hey, Riku or Chunn might still want to who knows). I dunno what else to say, I love bird, Bleach, walking, driving, listening to music, video games, writing, art? I dunno man, I'm just me.

Documentation aside anyways, I gotta figure out where I want to start. I think I will actually piss my high-school English teachers off and start with the LAST thing in the title card. I might loose a lot of close minded white anti-endos here, but hey, if you are that close minded, then its your loss cause I'm just talking about late-stage recovery as a person with diagnosed DID that is considered polyfragmented. It's a fun conversation to have with other people with DID aiming for recovery so, if you're hell bent on hating people talking about plurality form a non-DID lens enough to disregard cool information, that's your loss. (Thank you XIV brain, crediting that to you for part of our goal today)

Buddhism, Spirituality, Plurality and Our Perspective of Full Integration

According to Buddhism, and one of the largest concepts and principles of Buddhism that we believe the most in and actively work to practice and cultivate the mindset of - is that the concept of "I" and the concept of a singular, distinct, and separate self from the world and others simply does not exist - only the experience and illusion of experience exists. I was talking about it with @quoigenicfromhell in DMs since they were interested in talking shop about Buddhism.

To save myself a whole effort of rewriting a discussion on how one can hold together the clear sensation of existing and being an individual with the idea and Buddhist understanding that the "self" does not exist, I'm going to copy a little bit of what I wrote in response to them. If it doesn't make sense cause its in a bit of Buddhist jargon, then oh well, I'm lazy, it's written for an audience that has done some reading and looking into Buddhist thought so RIP yall srry not srry (Thank you Chunn brain lol)

Honestly the development and understanding of holding those two things together (the non-self and non-existence with the clear experience of self and existence) is largely a lot of exploration on the understanding and respect for the experience without applying too much value or regard to said experience. Its kind of a hard thing to understand just based off of words alone and like all things Buddhism, its one of those sorts of things you really gotta sit on and explore in your own mental space, but like

The experience of self and personhood and existence is a denied concept in Buddhist thought, but its not a bad or incorrect thing, the experience of self and existence is kind of considered an inherent expression of life and the world and while its important to be cognicent that it is an illusion that can cause suffering and muddy an individuals ability to see Things As They Are, the experience and illusion of self is additionally an entirely natural thing to experience and is an important part of being able to, well, be

I kinda of personally perceive it kind of similarly to say a part in a system. Innately the part is not (at least in my experiences of systemhood) a literal entire separate being and thats an important thing to acknowledge for a number of reasons (life organization and direction, system accountability, etc) but its would also be incredibly foolish to completely ignore that the part operates, experiences themselves, and lives in the world (both inner and outer) as if they were an individual of their own

In the same sense that a part in a system can be seen both as an individual and a part of a whole / collective depending on what perspective and demands the moment needs. An individual can be seen both as the individual expression of a self informed by the arguably incorrect illusion of isolation OR as a part of the whole worlds expression depending on what serves the moment the best. I largely kind of see myself as part of a system that is the world much like I see my parts as part of a system that is "me". While the self may be an illusion, its not an experience that can be denied and it is an innate expression that in its own right can prove to be a great teacher So you deny the concept of a self but respect and revere the experience and innate natural expression of self

With that context in mind, while we do not believe in the concept of self and find that trying to seek out a concrete idea of a singular person and singular self in society is a source of extreme suffering, stress, and displeasure, we DEEPLY revere and honor the expression of self. As we see it, in a complete ideal and impossible the world would be in perfect harmony if we let the world express itself as it naturally does. We find that the experiences of self - in whatever form they take - are inherent and natural expressions of the world as a whole and to try to shape oneself to fit a specific image - may that be societally imposed or internally / personally imposed or a sense of envy or any sort of clinging or desire to a specific version / image of self - is a disrespect to the innate beauty found in the natural expression and a means of adding disharmony into the world.

As a result, our system and whole aims deeply, above almost all else to exist simply as we naturally would in any moment time to time. If we find that something we are doing with our sense of self is drawn and influenced too much on a "I should" or "I want" or "I wish" or "I hope" then we tend to pause, self reflect, and ask if we are actually existing in our natural state, or are we trying to fight against our natural state of self to fit into a self-imposed idea of what we "should be".

As a result of that, our system deeply values our flexibility, fluidity, and ability to change any aspect of ourselves, any opinion we hold, any identity label we consider, and our overall presentation in all ways and forms to a very high level. The desire to be consistent and predictable serves us little in simply practicing on "being" and finding the true and simply-run life that we want. That then results in why our system so casually flips around in system size, fusions, redivisions, how we refer to ourselves, etc. We find very little value in committing to labels and concepts and do whatever is natural for us.

Additionally, another large aspect of Buddhism our system deeply reveres and appreciates is the acknowledgement that there are "Buddhas" - or in less Jargon terms, potential for everything both internal and external to be teachers and guides into finding a sense of peace and simplicity in the world - and that it is deeply important to cultivating peace, happiness, and insight to actively always be seeking out the "Buddha" in everything and everyone. It's important to reflect, engage with, and talk with those "Buddhas" as they are the best and number one way to gain the insight that brings happiness and peace into life and removes excessive suffering and stress.

As many Buddhists agree (at least of the Mahayanan branches), everyone is inherently a Buddha because the world and everything is a Buddha. The only issue people have is that they can not connect, hear, and see clearly enough to be in that state due to a large number of human conditions - one large one being the aforementioned illusion of self.

Having lived my life as someone with DID and having gone through a lot of trauma therapy, self reflection, communication and coordination with my parts, and all that to the point we have reached functional multiplicity over a year plus ago and been able to hold a fully fused state for over three months, I feel like its a given to say that of ALL things in the world, the "Buddha nature" of my parts have been the best and most insightful teachers I've ever had. We revere each other's strengths and specialties greatly as each of us have taught the other great strengths, great understandings, great insights, and great appreciations that have collectively brought us so much peace and happiness. It's not to say any part is "enlightened" because each part is also deeply flawed and struggling in their own realms, but it is largely by working and talking and supporting one another and ACTIVELY looking to one another for insight and lessons about the world and our existence that we are able to reach a uniquely peaceful space.

For us, its an incredibly important practice - both for self care and in the art / spirituality of Buddhism - to regularly talk and engage with these specialized and uniquely-wise (and uniquely stupid - thank you XIV) parts of ourselves to gain deeper insight and overall understanding of ourselves and our place in the world.

In the same sense, it is why - despite being completely capable of operating as a fully fused whole - we regularly choose to INTENTIONALLY redivide into our parts. And no, its not us "splitting again" or even really throwing up any real level of dissociation / dissociative barriers. If anything, we usually do this through meditation and mindfulness.

It's a Buddhist practice, its not a mental disorder and its not stemming from the same mechanism's DID stems from. It might operate *based* on the foundation our history with DID stems from, but at this point in our healing, the way our system operates at functional multiplicity that is intentionally chosen to be that way AFTER reaching "final fusion" has a number of differences from how it operated before we reached general full integration.

Again, for those more familiar with the tulpa-terminology discussion, you might be able to see where I would have a long post delving into a highly nuanced and more middle-ground perspective of that syscourse from the paragraph above this one, but I'm gonna leave that cause I already know this post is long and it would detract from the purpose.

At this point, my system is mostly an "intentionally created one" to Western label standards. We personally do not see any significance or binary in plural VS singular people beyond it being a label some people identify with and not. Plural VS Singular is a false binary perpetuated in white, western, and european society and while I respect that perspective and view in a space that is primarily filled with white, western, and/or european individuals, I am going to firmly state that and expect you to give me that same respect. (and if you refuse to give me that same respect, then you are close minded and being very white / western lmao <- thank you XIV, again)

And so the other related but slightly different topic away from the more philosophical, esoteric, mysticism sounding topic of Buddhism...

Full Integration, Final Fusion, and Functional Multiplicitly

At this point, what we used to call "Wishiwashi Recovery" we kind of have taken to just calling "full integration" generally as a means of really breaking apart the suggested categorical and boxed binary of "final fusion" and "functional multiplicity" as our own experience and discussion with other systems at and near full integration have made us realize that the difference between functional multiplicity and final fusion is FAR more a spectrum than it is two seperate categories. Some systems stick to one end, some to the others, but the largest difference is in external and internal expression of the parts and less any fundamental or biological / clinical difference; at least not in terms of integration. (Note: Integration =/= Fusion; Integration is the general connectivity and accessibility of parts with less / limited / no dissociation)

It's a false binary to say Final Fusion or Functional Multiplicity and its why a lot of the "ones bad and ones good" syscourse is dumb. They're two heads of the same Doduo and they should be kissing. (JOKING, thank you Riku-Aya brain)

With that said, our system, as we've made clear, regularly and freely practices sliding and flying all over that spectrum as just how we like to engage with ourselves. We change between the two as we see fit and having spent probably like 9~ months in functional multiplicity and 3~ months in final fusion I wanted to share some pros and cons of both sides.

I would also like to put a disclaimer that this isn't meant to be "positives and why this side sucks" as much as it is the differences in life style according to our opinion and our experience. Both final fusion and functional multiplicity are absolutely WONDERFUL things overall and we love both states. If we got "stuck" in either, we would still be immensely happy. The purpose of this part is just to share certain differences in how we experience the two different ends. The Cons in these case are only "cons" relative to the "alternative" and not "to not ever reaching either"

Functional Multiplicity Pros:

A lot more clear and direct communication between parts internally that allows for a SHIT ton of internal banter, productive conversation about complex topic and perspectives from unique and diverse perspectives; the communication is a lot more intentional and a lot more in focus so its easier to properly sit and attend to the complex differences and sometimes conflicting directions

It's honestly just a lot of fun, not gonna lie. A lot more dramatic and extravagant expression + brain friends in a more overt sense

Easier to let certain parts of the brain take "breaks" - it's not the same as it is with not-fully-integrated DID but compared to Full Fusion, certain parts of the brain can "tune out" easier than not

More palatable to DID / OSDD spaces online

Easier to focus and use a wide variety of skills, interests, hobbies, and thinking patterns by simply just having a specialist part take their look at it

Generally easier to target specific boxes to look into as you process all the newly accessible memories and information from being highly / fully integrated

Final Fusion Pros:

Quick and a lot more inherent understanding of all parts on a general gut level without necessarily needing to fully think about everything and listen to every opinion and perspective; there is a lot more of an inherent understanding, trust, and awareness of the collective whole which makes decision making and seeing whats good for the system as a whole a lot easier

It's honestly way more calming, relaxing, and solid feeling. There is a unique sense of confidence, understanding, and trust within yourself and you have a HUGE arsenal of skills and interests that come from the combined parts that you've lived as

You are a lot more present and aware of your life and you actually get to live YOUR life and have all parts of yourself be engaged in life; no part feels really left behind or is caught off guard from having their brain partially turned off. The awareness is really present and engagement is so much more complete.

More palatable in real life and non-DID/OSDD spaces

Easier to simultaneously use skills from multiple parts at once; very much a jack of all trades all at once situation

Generally easier to integrate multiple complex and otherwise seemingly detatched boxes of memory and the past as you process all the newly accessible memories and information from being highly / fully integrated

Functional Multiplicity Cons:

Takes more intention, focus, and often time to get the same level of full understanding of the whole system when making decisions. It can be slow and it requires a lot more internal engagement which can make it harder to be fully present in life

Sometimes you can get what I call "lite" amnesia where a part was not paying attention and doesn't fully process what was going on / what is going on and so sometimes you get poor attention-driven "amnesia". It's small and easily recovered by simply going "hold up wait" and thinking back or asking another part

Harder to use skills from different parts at the same time; albeit definitely still possible and only "harder" relative to final fusion

Generally harder / requires intentional discussion between parts to integrate multiple complex boxes as you process all the newly accessible memories and information from being highly / fully integrated

Final Fusion Cons:

Less direct and overt bantering and discussion between parts (still present by the way, just less frequent and less overt). It can be a little less fun (still is fun cause they are sill there) and it can be a bit harder to fully see the extent of a more extreme perspective

It can be tiring and overwhelming to be aware and present so much for so long if you were accustomed to the breaks DID / OSDD tends to give parts

Easier to forget to use a lot of the skills and hobbies that may have been more niche to less-dominant and less-prominent parts; you don't "loose" the skills, you just aren't accustomed to using them as much so you can just kinda forget to use them

Harder to focus on a targetted recovered memory / information that you want to process and can sometimes be a bit overwhelming trying to connect a number of things at once

And this is all just to say that both are absolutely astonishing and great places to mentally be. The main point is that - for us - sometimes one state works better for us in the moment and another state works better for us later and that's completely cool cause - as aforementioned - the difference between plural vs singular is not a binary one for us anyways.

Anyways, I don't know how to wrap this up so I'mma just post it

Ideally today we will focus on cultivating our independent parts and return to Functional Multiplicity end of the spectrum so I guess tata for now

-Feathers

EDIT and PS: Anyone is allowed to add their thoughts to this so long it is in good faith.

#feathers speaks #functional mulitplicity #final fusion #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #syscourse #syscourse tw #tulpacourse #tulpacourse tw #full integration #buddhism #long post

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lunarle-old · 3 months ago

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Do you have an idea of what you're going to write next ?

Yes... And No.

The current plan is to write my dragon fic. I looove dragons, and I've always loved fics that make my favs dragons. Hoarding Humans is a good example of that ;P I really wanna do it myself! I feel a little weird directly using the concept of HH (just the idea of a dragon's hoard being humans! i've been obsessed with it ever since!!)... I know there's a whole Inspired tab thing on ao3 but remember I was brought up in the animation meme community trenches. I've seen some very vile things said to ""copycats"" (and it's usually just somebody who took inspiration off of someone elses art style or a certain part of another persons meme @_@ don't get me STARTED on the ragebait...) and I am not in the proper emotional state to handle that right now QwQ

However that doesn't mean I can't write about dragons. I have some ideas in mind-- I've properly conceptualized my go-to fantasy world for AUs like this. I know who the main cast would generally be (DICE! Kokichi rounds up some of his classmates from in game :P so people like Gonta, K1B0, Miu, Kaede, Rantaro. . . maybe Kirumi? I have lore trust me. I'm cooking.) I know the main premise of the story, and it goes into my own bullshit with dragons, because lord knows I ever follow any actual myths or tales (´ﾟωﾟ｀) (i read wings of fire that's good enough for me!!!)

I am still trying to learn how to draw dragons in a way I like though. Here's my concept for Maki and Shuichi ^^"

Overall the chances of this fic happening after HGH, as of right now, are fairly high. This is what I plan to write once I'm done with HGH.

But please, please please keep in mind that I . . . am absolutely horrible with making promises about my fics. I'm so forgetful I forget to even check my notes to see what I've forgotten. T_T my fics would be a tiny bit better than they are now if I actually kept track of wtf im doing. maybe i should make a checklist.

Point is, I don't know if this is what I'll write once HGH is done. I've done some estimating and while, for once, I do not have a concrete ending in mind, I can guess how long this'll be. I think... it might be around as long as M5? Somewhere around that 130k mark. Again!! I'm not sure!! I need to figure out what I'm gonna be doing for the non-Tsumugi half of the "recovery" arc, so who knows what the word count for this is gonna be T_T. MY POINT!! MY POINT IS THAT!!! It could change. By the time I'm done with HGH, I might write this dragon fic. I might write a differeny fic. Or I'll lose motivation to write anything for a bit. Lord I am yapping so I'll move on

Que transition, with all that being said, I do have Other ideas in mind!! Ones I've been sitting on for a while!

ONE. Saimatsu mansion :D I've mentioned it here and there, but the idea is that Shuichi and Kaede are plopped on an island and have to escape. It's one of those more out there ideas G_G and I haven't really descended into my full levels of insanity yet (wait until i start posting my crossover aus /j), but this would be bordering on it. I have some more minor ideas for this one, but I haven't rlly explored it yet :'3

TWO. remember unexpendable? yeah so i. i really really like crossover aus. almost as much as i like giving them superpowers. I was thinking of an Undertale x DR fic where I drop Shuichi into the underground. Undertale is super special to me,, it got me out of a really dark place. My favorite OC of mine (Montserrat<3) is an Undertale OC! So I think it'd be a lot of fun, especially since Danganronpa is basically the reason I'm like?? actually living now XD I got a job because posting my DR fics helped me overcome enough of my social anxiety to get employed. So!! It'd be nice. i also think shuichi and papyrus would get along do NOT @ me also undyne would scare the shit out of him. Anyways I dunno if this would be another oneshot, considering the, uh. length of the game. and how insane i could rlly go if i went into the neutral /genocide route stuff too. I dunno. It'd be fun :P i also have doodles wait

THREE. I don't know what could and couldn't be used for a plot twist so I'll keep it vague, but basically it's a fic that involves the ENTIRE CAST. A bit of a challenge for myself. Everyone's back! And all of the blackeneds revert to, like... HGH levels of despairs. So it's up to everyone whos still normal to find a way to make them also normal before, uh. things get worse. TV GIRL BLAST 💥 (oh yeah this would be a kaede-centric fic! her pov for the majority. i had a lot of fun writing her during Unexpendable and i miss her </3)

FOUR. i got really into in stars and time so now i'm even more not normal about time loops. so let's put shuichi in another one! but i wanted to shake it up a bit and really let my less canon-reliant, more creative side flow a bit. It'd also be kind of a message to myself about life... WHATEVER Thats not important. What is important is, hey! I've been watching WAY too many Minecraft ARG analysises than what could possibly be considered healthy for my anxiety, so now I want to sic a bunch of them on Shuichi. this things unfinished because i only have very vague ideas for a few of the loops... but the overarching idea is that even the smallest (but impactful!) change in a choice can lead to an entirely different loop, with an entirely different entity. and during all of the loops, shuichi gets little bits and pieces to the bigger picture, which will break him out of the loops. idk this seems like a big and tiring project so this is more of a "maybe" than the others but i still think it's cool :')

FIVE. ok this one isn't danganronpa... remember when I said I was super into In Stars and Time? I wanted to write an ISAT fic. Siffrin and Bonnie are so so special to me and i wanted to indulge in that. I haven't rlly been writing in my oneshots though so I don't really have a grip on writing anyone from ISAT,, so. :( i have to spiral into full insanity privately before i can determine what is safe to show the internet /hj

And that is all I can think of off the top of my head. :P These ideas have been brewing for quite a bit, and ones that have actual ideas to them. I dunno which one I'll write first... or even if I'll write them. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Who knows? Maybe I'll break my rules about writing two fics at a time. Just give me time ... and please be patient. I can only write so fast ＼(_ _)

#anon asks #the anxiety meds are kicking in i'm not even afraid to post this #i'm also getting tired so maybe that's why?#but yeah as you can tell. lots of ideas rattling around in this skull of mine

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cambion-companion · 2 years ago

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Hey, so I have an idea for a Raphael prompt

Okay, so u know players who have a tendency to hoard items like scrolls, potions, and all this other good stuff because they "might need it later" but never use it? I'd like to see how raphael, A creature of law and order, would react to tav having to dig through their pack full of items to find something specific in the mess, but like halfway through they give up and just upend the pack. And Raph is just there, baffled, disgusted, but also marginally impressed because how. How can one person have so. Much. Stuff. Useful stuff they don't use.

i thought it'd be funny but anyway, have a good day!

YES absolutely delightful prompt, thank you friend :)

Also Tav has intelligence of 8 in this.

"I know it's in here somewhere." Tav sighed in exasperation, arm-deep in their bag of holding, feeling all the many bits and bobs they'd hoarded thru the months. "I just have to...aha!" Tav triumphantly withdrew their hand only to find they'd snagged a rather fetid piece of jerky. "Oh...no...no that's not it."

Raphael gave them a deadpan stare, lip curling slightly at the sight of the long-expired strip of meat. Tav had been trying to find a quill for the past several minutes, he shifted his weight onto one foot, placing a fist on his hip. "Perhaps you'd allow me to-"

"No, no!" Tav was now more determined than ever to scrounge up a writing utensil, they were now almost up to their armpit in their enchanted bag. "Ah...ewww! Astarion! What the hell is this?"

Watching from several paces away, Astarion shrugged. "I thought I might get peckish later."

"Disgusting." Tav rolled their eyes and upended the bag, giving it a good shake as a great many items began falling out onto the floor of Raphael's den.

The devil watched with mild annoyance and no small amount of exasperation, he was sincerely beginning to reconsider his decisions. "Unless you wish for all of this...chaos to be incinerated, desist immediately."

Tav was already done dumping the many things they'd looted in a haphazard pile and was rifling through the contents, looking still for a functional quill.

A spark of flame ignited at the tip of Raphael's fingers as he began to raise his hand to make good on his threat. Then his eyes caught on something shining amongst the numerous pieces of junk. "That ring there, another piece of waste I assume?"

Tav followed where he pointed and picked up the item in question, looking it over. "Hmm, yeah. I dunno...haven't bothered to have it inspected. Interested?"

"Not especially." Raphael lied smoothly, looking elsewhere for a moment before returning his attention to Tav. "However, I am in a generous mood. What would you sell it for?"

Tav thought hard, an astounding feat by Raphael's estimations. "Four hundred gold."

"That's quite steep for such a trinket." Raphael frowned at the impetuous creature. "However, I am quite fond of rubies. I'll give you two hundred."

"Two hundred and fifty."

"Done."

The ring was passed to Raphael and he pocketed it with a slight smile. A ring of three wishes would come quite in handy.

"Now, clean up this mess." Raphael waved his hand imperiously over the pile Tav had returned rifling through. "Before I lose my patience."

#raphael bg3 #raphael x tav #raphael baldur's gate 3 #bg3 drabble #fanfic

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diaryofaprettyprincess · 2 years ago

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hiii i’m sorry i actually can’t remember if i sent this before or not😭could you maybe write smth with eddie getting an innocent reader high for the first time? <3

(hi angel !! u havent sent this before so <33 hope u enjoy!! *sorry if this kinda sucks i wrote it at like three am KDSJF)) (also i wrote about her smoking for the first time but i didnt touch much on her getting high really.. if u want me to write just that lmk!!)

✧˚₊‧ 🧸 ✧˚₊‧

eddie originally invited u over to his trailer because he mentioned how he was failing math and needed ur help studying. of course, you complied, wanting to help him (and spend time with him as youve had a crush on him for months) (and of course he didnt actually want ur help studying, he just used that as an excuse to hangout with u as he has had a crush on u for a good two years).

but now, after helping him study for a good hour, he declared he needed a break. this break included him playing some of the most intense music youve ever heard posing as 'background music' whilst he smoked a rolled blunt.

he asked you if u were comfortable with him smoking in the same room as you, and because u were a curious creature (never being around any sort of drug), you nodded, saying you were fine with it.

eddie thought you were odd, in a good way of course. god, he wanted you so badly..but he didnt want to scare you off. he knew how sensitive you were to certain things. so when you sat right down in front of him as he smoked, staring at him with gloriously curious doe eyes, watching him take a drag from his joint--he was surprised to say the very least.

eddie watches the way youre eyeing the joint between his plush lips as he inhales, eyes squinting slightly as he looks at you sitting across from him on his bed; kneeling on his mattress--hands folded in your lap politely n ur eyes full of wonder but hesitancy as u chew on ur lower lip. you watch the metalhead blow the smoke from his mouth, an arm behind his head as he lies back against his pillows.

"you wanna try?" he asks, holding the joint out to you as he blows the smoke up in the air. he can feel the way your eyes trace his movements.

you giggle nervously, flustered. "o-oh, uhm, i dunno.. 've never tried such things before!"

thats something else eddie loved about you.

when you got shy you talked like some sort of disney princess.

he smirks, amused. his eyes are half lidded n red as he swipes his tongue along the fat of his bottom lip.

"c'mon.." his voice is playful. "'see the way ur eyein' it, princess.. i'll help you through it, dont worry." eddie takes a small drag from the end of his blunt once more.

fuck, hes so high. and horny. high and horny. maybe not the greatest combo when the girl he's liked for years is sitting right in front of him looking so..soft and beautiful.

does ur skin always glow this vibrantly?

"i just--'ve never done stuff like this. what if i act funny?" your lips form into a pout, concern lacing in ur features.

why did you have to be so cute and irresistable?

"'s okay, angel. promise i wont judge..could never judge a sweet girl like you," his praise makes you preen as you blush. "c'mon, come sit next to me, ill talk ya through it, mk?"

you nod, butterflies fluttering in ur tummy. besides the heavy smell of weed, eddie smelled so yummy to you. he was addicting to be around.

you sat next to him on his bed, pulling ur skirt down a bit as you get comfortable.

"now, just put ur lips around the end and inhale, okay? u might cough a bit but it'll go away," eddie brings the lit joint to ur glossed lips as ur eyes round with inexperience. the metalhead maintains eye contact with u as u inhale sharply, immediately bending forward and coughing as he pats ur back. "'s okay, princess, ur okay.." his ringed fingers rub ur back as u struggle to breathe.

a few seconds pass and u feel better. ur head is light but heavy.

"wanna try again? should've probably told u to inhale slowly..forget u dont know much about this stuff." he tucks a loose strand of hair behind ur ear and u feel ur heart speed.

u nod. "yes, please!"

eddie smiles gently at your eagerness. "alright, sweet girl, remember..nice n easy, okay? inhale gently and slowly."

you nod a bit as he brings the joint to ur lips. his left hand rubs up and down your right arm comfortingly. that act alone makes the butterflies that once only fluttered inside ur belly swirl into a storm.

eddie watches ur lips as u inhale slowly.

"good, baby.. nice n easy, okay? doin' so good.." his voice is so soft and gentle as he tenderly squeezes ur arm as u blow the smoke from ur lips.

u giggle when done, clapping excitedly before you're hit with a wave of tranquility.

eddie smiles. "u okay, honey?"

u smile back.

u were more than okay.

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x innocent!reader #innocent!reader #mail 💌#stranger things #stranger things season 4 #st4 #eddie st4 #girly!reader #stranger things fic #eddie munson xreader

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smhalltheurlsaretaken · 5 months ago

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Hey there—this is completely spontaneous on my part, but I just saw your post from a few hours ago about how good the SW fandom used to be, and, dunno, I just wanted to say that I appreciate you. Your SW analyses were always so interesting to me, especially when you got into a debate with someone, because of how you backed your arguments up with evidence. I wish I could write rhetoric like you do. Anyways, you're especially cool to me because you're French and I've got French citizenship from my mom (though I grew up in the States), and despite not being Jewish, you've been really, really kind to us. So thanks for everything—the lengthy, passionate, convincing SW posts that got me through the pandemic, the interesting religious takes (I vaguely remember you going off on someone who said that religion was irrelevant in the modern world, arguing about the impossible-to-understate role it has had in the history of humanity, including in the present day—which, to a history and IR fan who'd gotten used to the sight of anti-religious takes because it was rebellious and trendy and cute, was like a breath of fresh air), and even now, your words since October 7th. I don't know if I ever reblogged or even liked a post of yours, I'm more likely to take a screenshot and put it in a folder on my desktop, but I just wanted to let you know of the impact that you've had in my life. 💛

Awww, it's so cool to find out about people who liked my stuff even if they never said! Idk how to explain why it makes me so happy but it's like it adds more to the whole experience as I look back, it's one more piece of the full picture that I'll never have. Like finding a new detail in a familiar setting and going 'oh! that was there all along? :D'

What was it about my SW stuff that you liked? the constant ranting and raving about the Jedi or the fawning over Obi-Wan? xD (And yes, yes I *did* get into a row with antitheists because I vented about being frustrated with Richard Dawkins' worldview lol. I don't think it really went anywhere.)

I'm glad reading my posts was ever comforting to you. I constantly want to be saying more since October 7th, but I really think using the internet as a battleground would be spectacularly unwise in my case. I've always tried to only argue my opinions from a position of complete confidence and thorough knowledge of all the facts, and that's a lot easier to do with a nerdy fictional universe that's contained to easily accessible media vs complex current global events. I can be stubborn and arrogant and I always want to be right, so in order to not get sucked into propagating self-righteous misinformation and turning into exactly the type of ignorant know-it-all who'd preach to others about geopolitics they learned yesterday on twitter, I preferred to step back.

That said, there is one thing I can and always will say with utter confidence and full knowledge that it's right: the worldwide spike in antisemitism and the horrifying abuse all Jews have been subjected to for over a year both irl and online is appalling and must be called out. The Jewish people are very close to my heart because of my family history, my upbringing and my personal faith in God and my saviour. So from one ~vaguely Jewish~ Frenchie to a vaguely French Jewish person, שׁלום and salut! 💙

Also, telling me you've taken screenshots???? of my posts???? to SAVE THEM???? ON YOUR COMPUTER????? is genuinely one of the highest compliments you could ever give me wow thank youuuuu. I hope you can still have fun going back to them from time to time 😄

#ask #tell me if you want me to delete/private this

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tora-the-cat · 27 days ago

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Okay I'll admit if Yano is doing anything competently this whole book, it's writing Shikamaru. like it's not revolutionary or anything, but he's got a decent arc. He starts the book by taking everything SO seriously he can't even conceptualize relaxing in the way he used to, literally just a little ball of anxiety over the 3 1/2 bad things that have ever happened to him. His mental state gets worse and worse, he refuses to talk to anyone and straight up cuts off his own support system, letting himself self destruct until he gets half-mindcontrolled into a cult and knocked out of it by his co-worker/future wife that reminds him, very solidly, 'hey, these guys are full of shit and you know better then them, dumbass'.

Like I dunno, a lot of the time coming of age stories are ultimately about letting go of your more immature tendencies and becoming an adult, it's kinda interesting to see that arc twisted around. You start with a young man who's WAY too in his own head trying to grow up too fast cause he's scared of the consequences if he doesn't. He suppresses his true lackadaisical bastard nature and tries to 'grow up', taking too much onto his plate, and he gives himself like 6 panic attacks a day and starts being actually stupid from stressing out too much and almost ruins his damn life. it actually IS a pretty damn satisfying moment when he wakes up from being brainwashed and he's like 'huh. FUCK all of that. I'm just gonna do me actually. get bent. if I'm going to have an anxiety attack and die anyway, might as well die as myself instead of whatever ghost I was trying to make walk in my shoes'

#yano #shikamaru hiden #shikamaru nara #nara shikamaru #Literally 'wait I just had a thought! fuck this actually!'#temari

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sleepymccoy · 1 month ago

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I'm sure you didn't mean anything by it, but it was kinda wild voting "I've never heard it" and scrolled down to where you basically said "I'm gunna assume it's common where you live, you simply don't talk to people" like 😭????????? you think 80% of voters took a vow of silence or what?

Everyone's assuming I posted that when the poll was huge lol, look at the time stamps!! It's was 13 minutes later, you think I was telling you off? Or you think I was being a bit sarcastic with my immediate followers?

There's the full screenshot, not just the cropped result bit. If you're actually looking at it you may notice 13 votes and no notes at all. At that point eleven people had voted I dunno and not spoken. I was trying to bait people into actually explaining where they were from cos at that point just voting "I don't know" told me nothing at all, and everyone who's voted had said nothing so I figured the post wasn't engaging enough to get an answer. So I made it a bit more engaging.

I genuinely thought that was a common phrase across the world and wanted to find out what a few other people thought, and it's annoying when you ask for a conversation and get crickets (look again, 0 notes. No reply saying what country anyone is from. No reblog with tags saying they've never heard it. No comment saying maybe their Irish grandmother said it once but they think it's probably Aussie exclusive). So I asked for some more engagement, but instead of bitching about tumblrs attitude of consuming posts instead of engaging with them I exaggerated an opinion and made a joke.

But yeah, it was a paragraph designed to bait people into talking. And it fucking worked too, a bit too well tbh. There's a lot of people on Tumblr now being a bit bitchy (so many people calling me arrogant, it's so tiresome) about me cos they think I'm telling the thousand replies and comments that they haven't spoken. Which, honestly, is a stupid take (turn time stamps on!).

No one ever writes a post with the seventeen removed bad faith reblogger in mind. At least I don't, and I won't start. I assume people following me like me and my style and know I'm never trying to be mean. I'm confident that the people who give any kind of shit about me look at what I say and know I'm a decent person behind it who's trying to be kind. I don't really mind what some twit in the bowels of tumblr who takes DNIs seriously thinks of me

Anyway, I was maggotted that night and trying to stay awake for a halfa while I had some multivitamin drink to try and ease the next day's hangover so I can barely remember writing the poll lol

Still mildly shocked that first in best dressed is aussie, but I do accept it. Although (and since this is a bit of a whinging post, I'll keep complaining) I think all the people being like oh my god it makes no sense wtf?? need to think about their phrases. You think by the skin of my teeth makes perfect sense at first glance? Do you get my drift? Hold your horses? These all need a little explaining or familiarity, first in best dressed is not some outrageous weird saying. It's in perfectly normal company.

Just strange that it's Aussie. Not a thing there about native animals or drinking or sex or swearing! I didn't know we made such banal phrases. Go us, though

#grumble grumble #i have blocked a few people for being too rude #even tho theyre obvs forgetting that op exists and is a real person cos the post is pretty big now #i still dont have to forgive it and instead of being insulted im just being mildly irritated and blocking #so thats all good

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mika-chaos-bean · 3 months ago

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So I was writing a thing.

A Yo-Kai Watch fanfic.

Under the cut because is long

pls reblog this so others can see it! i worked very hard on it!

(edit: YES i liked my own post.)

Prolouge

The forest of Mount Wildwood was quiet, the full moon casting a glow on the wet rocks near the river. A distant owl hoots, the sound echoing softly through the night. A cicada chirps softly. Hey, wait a sec, that's not a cicada...

It's a Cadin!

Cadin is a yo-kai of the Charming Tribe. What's a yo-kai you ask? It's a mischievious spirit, of course. People usually don't see yo-kai without a watch, but there are sometimes exceptions. Cadin hops towards a nearby log, where another yo-kai was sitting. That yo-kai was Ushio.

“Any luck, dear friend?” Cadin asks. Ushio sighs, shaking her head. “No luck. I can't find it anywhere. Perhaps a Peckpocket took it, or somethin'...” she looks at the ground, upset. Cadin pats her shoulder reassuringly, “Thou mustn't be so down. I am sure we shall find thine talisman.” he says. Ushio smiles halfheartedly at him. “...That talisman is more than just some sorta decoration, it's... it's the only thing I have left from my human life. If I lose it forever, I... I dunno what I'd do.” she says. “I'd lose sight of what I once was, and... well, it'd be a pretty big deal is all I'm saying. I'd do anything to find it. I'd even fight the strongest yo-kai out there.”

Cadin nods, looking at the river. “Thy bravery amazes me, Ushio. Thou art more courageous than a Blazion.” he says. Ushio chuckles, “Hah, I've endured a lot as of late. Fighting boss yo-kai sounds like an easy task. But I bet once I actually face it, I'd die in mere seconds. I am still... really weak, for an A rank yo-kai.”

“Thou shouldn't underestimate thyself. Thine full strength is yet to be found.” Cadin says, his wings fluttering behind him. Ushio stays silent for a second, contemplating what Cadin said. She nods, looking into the river. “I guess you're right... thanks, Cadin.” she looks up at the moon, which was high in the sky. “We better turn in for the night. We can find the talisman tomorrow. We should get some sleep...” she gets up from the log.

Cadin nods in agreement, hopping up on a nearby branch, saying, “Very well. Until we meet again, Ushio!” He then disappears into a cloud of smoke, teleporting away.

“...I'll see you around, Cadin.” Ushio sighs, walking through the bushes, toward the Mount Wildwood Shrine. She had one last thing to do before going to bed.

She stops at the small pond of koi fish near the shrine, sitting in front of it. Ushio... wasn't a fan of water, and yet she was good at controlling it. It annoyed her that she didn't get an attribute she wanted when she became a Yo-Kai, but oh well, water attribute was given to her anyway. Ushio takes a deep breath, and exhales. “I'll be able to find it. I'm sure I will.” she gets up, fading into her human disguise, and going to her home in Uptown Springdale. She sneaks into the house, not wanting her (adoptive) parents to find out she'd been sneaking around outside.

She makes her way upstairs, and lays down in her bed. “What a day this has been. I wonder if I'll ever find it.” she mumbles, before falling asleep.

Chapter one: Befriended

Ushio, in her Yo-Kai form, was sitting on a park bench, observing others at play in the field. There was a lot of emotions Ushio was feeling at once. Confusion, sadness, amusement... all at the same time. Times sure have changed since when she was human. When she was young, the way of playing would be joining with a few friends and play fighting. In the times of now, people would kick a ball, and call it fun? Ushio never understood the modern human ways.

“This ball game confuses me. What is the point of kicking the ball? It did nothing wrong. This is injustice!” Ushio grumbles.

“It's called kick-ball, Ushio.” someone with a British accent says. Ushio facepalms, knowing exactly who it is. “...Hey, Whisper. What is it, now?” she hisses. “I have a feeling that a big Yo-Kai might be around here!” Whisper says.

“Whisper, wait up!” a more scrawny-ish voice coming from afar yells. Ushio jumps, “w-who is that?!” she asks. “I never introduced you to Nate, have I, Ushio?” Whisper says. Ushio sighs, shaking her head. A child runs up to them. He's slightly shorter than Ushio, and a red cat Yo-Kai is following from behind him. “Whisper, don't leave us behind like tha-... W-Whisper, what Yo-Kai is that?” Nate points to Ushio. Ushio growls in response, “Hey, pointing at others is rude! Watch where you point, human.”

“Nate, this is Ushio! She is a Yo-Kai of the Mysterious Tribe, with a water attribute!” Whisper says, almost excitedly. Ushio doesn't say anything, but her eyes narrow and extends her hand to Nate for a handshake.

After they shook hands, the red cat Yo-Kai jumps in. “And I'm Jibanyan, nyan!” he says in a high-pitched tone. Nate sighs, “Let's just focus on the huge aura coming from right there!” he gestures to the front of the school. Ushio nods, “I agree with the human.”

Nate looks through the lenses of his Yo-Kai Watch, and then he sees a giant lizard Yo-Kai. Slimamander.

On the Yo-Kai, was a blue Talisman. Ushio recognized it immediately. “Hey! It's got my talisman!” she growls, stepping foreward. “W-Wait, Ushio, you can't face him head on!” Whisper yells. “We'll help you, nyan!” Jibanyan says. Nate facepalms, “Why does this always happen to us... okay, fine, we'll help!” he says.

Ushio jumps at Slimamander, trying to land a hit, but it was covered in slime, so all the attacks bounced right off. “Hmph. I underestimated you.” Ushio grunts, throwing a bullet of water at its closed eye. The eye opens.

“That's it's weak spot! We need to hit it's eye!” Nate says, grabbing a medal and putting it in the Yo-Kai Watch. “Come on out, my friend! Calling Cadin!”

Ushio's eyes go wide. Cadin already had befriended Nate? “Wait- Cadin?” she stops fighting, and ended up getting hit by Slimamander's attack.

Ushio got knocked back, slowly getting up. “...It's strong... but not strong... enough...!” she hisses. “Ushio, wait, you need to heal!” Whisper says. Ushio couldn't hear him, and kept on throwing a flurry of attacks at Slimamander's eye. Cadin joined in too. “Thine fighting is admirable, Ushio. But thou must rest at some point!” he says. Ushio looked at Cadin, “I will, but I'm not stopping until I get my talisman back!” she says.

“PAWS OF FURY!!!” Jibanyan yells, hitting Slimamander's eye with his quick paws. Ushio looks at him in awe. “Okay, that was cool.” she says, quietly. Slimamander then closed it's eye again. “Ah, you're joking!! We have to open its eye again?!” Ushio growls. “Stay focused Ushio!” Cadin calls. “Right, right, yes, I know...” Ushio mutters, landing a waterfall attack on Slimamander. It does nothing to lower its HP, but it'll get it to open its eye quicker.

After a few more attacks, its middle eye opens to reveal... a tongue? “Wh- It's eye was there last time!!” Ushio says, looking mildly concerned. “Ah-ha! Yes, Slimamander can switch its eye and two tongues around! Only its eye is it's weak point though!” Whisper yells.

“Why are you named 'Whisper' if you are so loud?” Ushio asks, annoyed. Whisper looks at her angrily, before turning away, not answering the question.

Soon enough, they found which head Slimamander's eye was in, and they (supposedly) defeated it. Whisper flies in a circle excitedly “That was too close! I bet that you wouldn't have won without MY help-”

“Whisper, you didn't even give a lot of advice.” Nate grumbles. “HEY BE NICE TO ME I'M YOUR YO-KAI BUTLER!” Whisper yells. Ushio looks at both of them in amusement. “You guys are funny. Here. Take this, Nate. And don't you dare lose it.” she says, giving Nate her Yo-Kai Medal. “Oh, cool! Thanks! I guess this means we're friends now?” Nate asks. “I wouldn't have given it to you if we weren't.” Ushio answers. Nate smiles, “Thanks Ushio, for helping us out. We do have to be going though. Seeya!” he takes his leave, waving at Ushio. Ushio smiles in return and waves back, “Until next time, Nate.”

Now, Ushio was alone again. Slimamander was still lying there, seemingly dead. Ushio looks at the fell Yo-Kai, realizing it was still breathing. Ushio lets out a sigh of relief. “Good, it isn't dead.”

Slimamander then woke up, preparing a fire attack to throw at Ushio.

Ushio freezes. She felt rooted to the spot. Like she couldn't move. “Welp, this is it.” she sighs. Just as the fire was about to hit her, something, or someone, appeared in front of her, sheilding them both from the attack. Ushio couldn't see who it was, but the figure had an azure blue scarf that looked like two dragons.

The figure attacked Slimamander, and Slimamander fell down, and teleported away. The figure turns to Ushio, their golden eyes watching her with... some sort of emotion in them. They step closer, showing themselves a bit more. They looked... human. But too much aura to be a human. They were a Yo-Kai, like Ushio.

“You... saved me?” Ushio seemed grateful and confused at the same time. “Yes, well... I'm not in the government. So don't expect another bailout next time. Farewell, Ushio.” the Yo-Kai says, and then he disappears. Ushio stood there, confused even more. “How did he know my name? Why did he save me? Who WAS that?” she questions. She looks around. Seeing the seals have been fixed, and there was no more trouble in the area, Ushio retreated back to Mount Wildwood.

End of chapter.

Can yall guess who that Yo-Kai was?

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bolt280 · 8 months ago

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Pressure and Preference (it's more dysphoria gay shit)

(so... It's another vent post?)

Extra, an early memory

Yeah if that made no sense... I dunno, does anything I write ever make sense? I just needed to write this to like, take care of myself, but I also wanted to show people because I'm trying to get used to sharing this sort of thing, cause... These people think it's morally wrong to be yourself.

Like seriously, family members saying gay people should d-ie and then switching to the classic "I'll accept you no matter what", come on, and I'm getting misgendered out of malice and ignorance, fun.

I'm a little shy about this rainbow stuff, but International Fight is full of lil gay people

Womp womp, gotta get used to it

How do I... Close this?

#artists on tumblr #art #transgender #vent #vent post #trans #transmasc #its me again #i hope i didn't accidentally say something incredibly wrong???#lgbtq #asexual

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blackbloodteeth · 7 months ago

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Cross the Delta

Okay so I think it's pretty well documented at this point that I'm not really a smut guy, not really my thing, but I was just so infuriated that my good friend @chickycherrycola had been struggling with posting their works to tumblr due to an issue with it not showing up in any tags, that I decided to write smut purely to spite tumblr back.

Huge thank you to Cherry for both giving me the Cherrytober 2024 prompt "Love Bites", as well as giving this a read-through because I am understandably all over the place haha. I'll probably post this fic to AO3 during the actual prompt date, for now though here's the whole thing under the read more (please go easy on me, both for stepping outside my comfort zone and also not containing that much actual smut lmao).

Rating: Mature Relationship: Soul x Maka Tags: Mild Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Nudity, Sharing a Bed, Sharing a Bath, Sharing a Beyond, I dunno axolotls or something Summary: Imagine if you will that it was instead Maka who had been found out to have been a witch, having one day awakened her magic and deciding to leave her life behind under the cover of night to escape an imminent trial, especially as the years of her deep partnership with Soul had begun to affect him in strange, unforeseen ways that the eyes of Order may consider too dangerous. Of course, Soul being who he is, would follow her anywhere without hesitation. Now out at the ends of the Earth on their own, there's so much he doesn't know about himself anymore, and even more so about the soul-deep connection they still share. Somehow despite being on the run, they've managed to have more time than ever to figure things out. Words: 2,838 (Full fic below!)

Sand sinks beneath his soles while the warmth of her hand soaks right through his palm. The bare light of the dregs of dawn watches them as Soul almost turns to look behind him, stopping when he meets the bright, shining green eyes of his partner, telling him that it's okay, they don't need to look back. He can envision it in his mind's eye, the city they once called home towering like its own kingdom, now shrunken in the distance they've both walked and still waiting for them to fall completely out of sight.

Maka's fingers deepen their grip between his and she gives him just the most gentle smile in the world, just for him now that it's all they have aside from the few possessions and the cloaking garments on their backs. A faint silhouette of the edges of his teeth poke out from the slight laugh he reflects from the surreal little feeling still following him, maybe them both, before she nods and takes his other hand. He then lets the flow of light consume him as she holds him in her gloves.

The narrow dark-red of Soul's glare squints back at him from the glass, fangs bared before his eyes inevitably drop back down to the marred line of stitches across his chest. Harsh bathroom light crosses through each line over his skin but does nothing against the faint red glow sitting inside all of it. He flicks the light off, seeing both his eyes and the glow of his soul pierce through the dark of the mirror, until it softens again when the switch flips back on.

A huff clenches his hand against the sink into a fist, the other gripped tightly around the little journal that he's barely opened, probably intended to stay that way while he slams the light off, stomps out, and paces in no particular direction through his side of the motel room. Intended until he pauses, stares at his eyelids towards the ceiling, and finally yanks the pen out, rushing back to the bathroom, light practically punched on, before he tears the small book open to a random page and forces everything out of his head all at once.

His shoulders tense through his teeth as the soaked fabric peels away from his skin, the careful hands of his partner stopping when he grips them, eyes unable to escape hers this time. Even from the reverberation of her wavelength, Soul can feel the fear echoing back at him, taunting him, replaying that haze of fangs and flesh he woke up screaming from over and over and over again. Until Maka actually grabs his hand back, grinding his breaths to halt as a different echo ripples through him like a fish circling around him. Breathe. Breathe. I'm here.

Slowly he lets her lift the rest of his shirt away, no longer clinging to his skin in a chill of rust and horror, just tremble in the sweat of a vivid nightmare and the apprehension of the faint red glow still beating beneath his skin. He's still shivering, still meek as a kitten when she lightly reaches for it and the heat of her fingertips traces around the embers sitting just below the surface. Maka sighs softly, much like her palm pressing against it, watching him again even before he hesitantly fits one of his hands over her fingers.

Blankets shuffle in the dark, quieting, and then shift to the side as Maka sits up. Across the room in this hotel, she can see almost clear as day the red glow coming from his heart and his eyes while he's staring directly at her, not even a wink of sleep blinking back. With a sigh, she steadily scoots off of the bed and trails the blanket around her, subdued waves of panic bundling up the tight knot of anxiety in the corner strumming silently for her to stay away, away, away.

Her hand gently leans down to tap the side of Soul's arm, sighing again when the anxious warnings only grow louder, poorly masked by a grunt trying to point her back to the bed. A huff plops Maka down right by his side, huddling up close to the cloak he swaddled himself in and making herself a nuisance that so adamantly insists she will not budge if he doesn't. In the quiet that follows, his wavelength plucks softer this time, ushering them up from the corner of the room with him clinging to her side.

Soul's chest spews out an exhale, fighting with the shower curtain before quickly turning back to Maka, her arms crossed and eyebrow raised until it wavers with a hearty chuckle despite the circumstance. He rolls his eyes, hoping the urgency of their situation tugs hard enough through their connection and screeching to a halt when she walks up close, waving it away with a return thrum of what must be done, or it won't be at all. A rough swallow immediately moves him aside as Maka goes about undoing her top, letting Soul focus on taking off his shirt to stare at the glow beneath his scar while he hears her fully undress, him likewise the same.

The water feels startling cold before it eventually warms up, falling from the showerhead in earnest once the temperature is comfortable enough for her. For him, his face feels a bit too warm. Just make it quick, that was the goal; A shared goal he agreed upon, she allowed, and they're both going through before they're on the run again. Little comforts like this were sometimes few and far between, and between him and her... well he's getting used to it. He thinks.

Soul doesn't say anything when he agrees to let her help clean his back, same with him for Maka's. The way their souls bounce back and forth feels both like a familiarity he can ease into and a distraction.

Maka chews more eagerly as the yolk starts to spill out, making Soul unable to help the smile taking over while it makes cramming his sandwich into his mouth a little tougher. There's a delight, the kind that comes from the small things in life, fluttering in his chest at the way her legs kick over the edge of the library's roof, and he has to admit that part of it's from how good this tastes since the last time he's had eggs. True to form, his hand cups under his chin as it's his yolk's turn to try and escape its tasty fate, much to the I told you so nudge he gets from her elbow.

Admittedly, for as hot as it was already this time of morning, the city below looked beautiful with the way the sun washed over it like a painting. Even better, it's the small things in their life together like the way she smiles and the food dripping from the corners of her cheeks and the shimmer in her eyes as she scoffs at how much he managed to get on his face too. It pulls him away again, though, the edges of the second set of teeth beneath his tongue and the hunger for something else even before his sandwich has run out. And true to form, he looks up to Maka again when her shoulder lightly bumps him, head tilting to meet his eyes and the wavelength he's holding back with loose fingers.

She can hear his arms slide further over his knees but not a peep more. After another deep breath of hesitation, Maka flips past the cover, starts grazing through each page of scrawled handwriting and messy doodles and repeated nightmares on loop, like a record stuck beneath its needle. Dreams and thoughts of axolotls and souls, and fires burning him up, and teeth grinning from the darkness that turn into his, and the suffocating reality as the writing gets harder to decipher as the pages continue on, sketches of sharp fangs starting to take up more space. Something in her heart feels heavy and brittle when all the little drawings she recognizes as herself are all surrounded by the deafening silence he smothered over his suffering.

Quietly, she shuts his journal. Soul hasn't moved in the slightest when she turns back to him. Doesn't even lift a glance for a moment until he hears the sniffle, guilt and something fiercely vulnerable glowing from the embers of his soul. A slow, steady breath in, and a weighted exhale out before he nods, letting Maka sit up to him, holding her arm around him as another stifled sob starts to break out. Bringing him in as close as possible when a shudder chokes out from his head leaning deeper into the crook of her neck.

A sigh as soft as silken sand brings him back to the gentle gaze of her smile, the tilt of her throat outlined by waves of her dull blonde hair, undone and flowing down to her collar, and earnest muscle of her arm, hardworking and strong even on the run. The skin of her palm feels rough beneath his thumbs, the back feeling deceptively soft for how toned it is. His breath remains steady as the scent of her flesh and blood presses ever so lightly up to his lips.

Soul's eyes close, soaking it in, wanting to memorize each note of the pulse beneath as hers, her song and life and soul literally in his hands as her wavelength waits like a gentle shore on a pleasant day in his memories. Very, very slowly, he brings his mouth over the space between her thumb and index finger, letting the sharp, sharp edges of all his teeth sit right against the skin he could easily pierce within seconds. But he doesn't. Her hand rests delicately between his jaws while his eyes steadily reunite with Maka, his partner, his greatest friend, and the absolute faith shining back at him that pricks at the corners of his sockets.

He brushes his tongue where the saliva pooled as he detaches, pausing at the thrum of contentment he either wasn't paying full attention to or had just begun to ripple from the interwoven threads of their connection. Soul then runs said tongue awkwardly over his mouth at how Maka leans to expose more of her neck, knitting her hand through his fingers, pulling them in with tugs of trust. Blowing a long breath through his mouth, almost in a whistle, he lets himself carry that feeling towards himself too, scooting up closer and closer until her breath tickles against the lulls of his smile.

Maka's fingers gently fit into the back of his hair before he reaches his head around to the side of her throat, hesitating, swallowing, then resting his lips against the pulse running through the calm and reassuring breaths of life sitting just beneath. Breath that holds as he loosens his mouth over them, fangs gaping right against the surface until he sucks in a little, a hand of his keeping steady over the other side while the scent, the trust, the strength she always gives him settles along the taste of her skin across his tongue. Dare he say he could actually feel comfortable with himself and the other set of teeth no longer a threat to her, until the way her fingertips swirl through his hair and the coarse sigh purring through her wavelength at the rough of his taste buds starts to stir up a different kind of hunger, one that... he hasn't allowed himself to think about, even before all this......

Hastily he licks away where he'd probably overstayed his welcome, however when Soul pulls away to assess her stare, a... calling? Something more gentle than a tug but more urgent than the usual prodding moves Maka's hand from around his head to slide over the warmth of his cheek, captivating all of his attention by just the simple motion of her thumb resting over the corner of his mouth, wanting to see his smile again. Leaving him in a trance when she sits back a little to slowly lie down, never pulling her gaze away even as she takes his other hand and fits it over her heart.

I'm not afraid of you. So don't be afraid of yourself.

It's just like her, so daring just to remind him that she's his partner no matter what as if he hadn't already literally followed her to the ends of the Earth. To trust himself, though...

The fingers over her heart interlock as Soul admires the way the light of their souls together paints her, maybe like an angel, but definitely like the strong, fearless person he always knows she is even if not a meister by name, even if he's still her weapon all the same; not a beast, not a demon, not any of that crap except for probably the most hopeless fool that just can't keep himself from grinning while he drapes his hair over Maka's forehead, pressing nose to nose.

I'm not afraid. And I don't want to be afraid of the way I feel about you anymore, if that's okay?

Oh he recognized the smell, alright: Meisters and weapons, at arms to hunt another witch, another monster, demon, Kishin. But he sure as hell didn't like it. Hated the way they all pointed their claws and bared their fangs at his partner, snarling at her as if they had the right to speak to her to begin with. Well he didn't have to like it, and he snarled right back – Bared his fangs, sharpened his claws, felt the burning, seething hatred ignite in his chest and stoke that glow into a full-blown beacon, coursing that pure, hot iron through the war drums of his veins just under his skin. And he let it all out.

Maka's heels remain firmly planted into the ground even as a raging burst of magic, like feathers, explodes out from Soul, the force of nature whirling around her until it quickly takes the form of a giant salamander floating above her, talons outstretched and several rows of sharp teeth hissing out at the frightened meisters who soon try to take aim at him. All too fast, the wind hurls him forward like an unyielding storm to blow them all away with just the end of his tail, giving them no time to recover from the distance gained as he flutters his feathery whiskers at Maka and swoops down to let her jump onto his mane, the gales then lifting them up to swiftly carry her away to the sky.

Onwards, under the cover of dusk, where the lingering sunset casts crimson embers throughout the fur of his slithering flight.

Pure exhaustion keeps his body sunken onto the floor of this abandoned train car, the chill starting to seep into his skin as it slowly reshapes back into the form of a person, the heavy lids of his eyes and hoarse, overworked breaths soon met by the frantic heat of fingers, her palms reaching for his chest, his face. He's okay, Maka reassures, and he believes it for as tired as he's turned now. It takes everything he has to try to sit up, and he's given everything in return with the immediate embrace that lifts him up into her arms where his ear rests against the still-racing adrenaline of her heart.

Soul likes the sound. It's okay if it goes a little slower.

A light laugh shakes him a bit, a sense of calm starting to find him again in the hum of something sweet easing up his wavelength and the stroke of fingernails running back and forth through his hair. It empowers him into sitting up on his own, even just a little, just to see her face again while the warmth of her palms holds his head upright, resting against his skin down from the glowing green eyes of an angel watching over him. No... the eyes of Maka, by no other name than the one he would and has followed to the ends of the Earth, even if they never find home.

It's... cliché, he chuckles, but it's true that... she is his home. He hopes that he's her home too. And what, did he think she would say he isn't? That all this time staring at him could possibly stop her from finally caving in and shoving her mouth onto his, which almost fully revitalizes him and invigorates him to bring his hands gripping back through her hair to pull them both further in. Now that's almost as messy as the instantaneous way Maka pushes him down (gently enough) onto the floor while they're already undoing each other's clothes, breathes fully ensconced in each other's throats until Soul quickly switches to breathing down her neck with his teeth, which she eagerly returns the favour for because while love bites, her love bites back harder.

#concept art #writing #soul eater #soul evans #maka albarn #soul x maka #cherrytober2024

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himejoshiangels · 1 year ago

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batgirl 2000 reread bcs I'm crazyy...IM NUTS!!!

her and that damned rose..what does it all MEAN!!! it makes a reappearance l8r...also I missed this dynamic so so bad. me when I'm in a seeing my kids as an extension of myself competition and my opponent is Bruce Wayne

I always forget how fucking potent and tension filled the first arc of this comic is man. it's like, bcs cass can't speak or even have thought bubbles everything's communicated via her actions or the words of the ppl around her. every panel she's in has to be chock-full of emotion and every time she interacted with someone the implications and the ffUCKKKKK‼️

the atmosphere in this damn comic man

I dunno man not to "back in my day!" when it wasn't even my day. but comics these days don't trust the audience even a little. there's always gotta be paragraphs of text having a character explicitly state every detail of their motivation and like not that old comics didn't also do that but at least the words they wrote were pretty like fuck man who are they hiring to write this shit anymorw

this transition is straight out of a movie. I know we say this with literally everything but if ANY comic in the world should get an animated show it has to be this one. top contender. it's formulated like one already, it's episodic w perfect overall themes and bigger plots. even the vibe is perfect, the grainy mtv cartoon thing it has going. every day I pray for a batgirl 2000 cartoon it'd go so crazy jsut adapt the shit straight

batgirl 2000 just keeps hitting you and doesn't let up bcs in the same episode SORRY issue..where cass meets lady Shiva for the first time is also the same issue where babs first begins to address her as Cassandra

^^WHICH IS CRAZY bcs we have to keep in mind that up to this point cass is nameless, she's only been referred to as batgirl. this is one of the first times she goes out as not batgirl too tho, bcs Bruce benched her. it's GAHHHHH that whole thing where vigilantes angst and drama abt titles and legacies and their individual identities is exacerbated so so bad for cass bcs batgirl is the first name she's ever given. like it's all she ever knew and ever was. Cassandra came after and THIS

THIS PANEL RUGHT HERE ohhh my god it makes me crazy. she's only batgirl. she doesn't even have the words to explain it yet. she's only a reflection of the city she's sworn to protect its all she is and at first its lowkey all Bruce let's her be. not to mention. her relationship w babs, I'll speak on them l8r can't do it now I'll explode

a 1:1 animated series man. it's all I can think about so so many iconic moments. I don't kill but I don't lose either is already as cold as cold gets. the way the comic is formatted already fully visualizes as animated in my brain and it's so so fun to watch

LIKE LOOK AT THIS!! cinematic as he'll and it's not even moving..

both cass and Bruce hit the bullseye like....

Cass's perfectionism is such an underrated character trait of hers (in like the greater batfam fandom and more modern comics not here, never here) bcs she literally sacrifices her life about it. she's so self detrimental about how not perfect she is anymore and Bruce's nonsense doesn't help either. man sees himself reflected in a teenage girl once and looses all his damn sense. I'm just, yea we know "mediocre for a life time or perfect for a year" < god that goes hard, but the true tragedy that is cass's inability to see how unnatural and upsetting it is that her mind works the way it does at all, that she can run into bullets head on but complains that she could do it with more skill when she was 6 or whatever like girl...never evr letting myself become desensitized to her trauma, David cain when I get you...

AND ANOTHER THING AND ANOTHER THING!!! KKKKKKKKK!! the sideplots and b plots and background characters in this comic..each of them are offered so much empathy by the narrative and are written purposefully to reflect or foil whatever cass's current conflic is all while feeling like fully fleshed characters even if they only appear for one issue

^^ I have feeling abt these panels but my lawyers are advising me not to speak atvthis ttime

THFUCKINH THE ROSE!!AGAIN!!! so sure this is old news but my running theory is that it definitely ties into cass's sense of self and identity outside of her living weapon status. this whole issue is prime babs v. bruce custody battle material bcs babs wants cass to be able to have a normal life, to be someone outside of batgirl bcs where she is now isn't healthy even a little bit but bruce argues that cass doesn’t need that, all she needs is her devotion to the mission < now we don't have time to unpack all that but in this moment we see her make the choice, dropping the rose. in the very first panel of the whole comic cass does the very same thing, she drops the puzzle (representing her childhood) in favor of violence bcs at the time its all she knows THE PARALLELS HELP HELP MEEE

AND AND THIS NEXT WHOLE PANEL is so evocative of the first few issues where cass couldnt yet put her emotions into words. just atmosphere and silence. BECAUSE she's confused!!! bruce says justice is what she needs that it will make her feel better, feel normal but it doesn't!! she looks over the city and still feels..feeling!!!! she picks the rose back up and extends a hand out to barbara bcs she was right, she not Bruce, she can't sit in a cave all alone all day and feel better (<which arguably doesn't even work for him either)

in the next few issues she meets steph and tim which is soo fun bcs letting cass have friends her age opens up so much for potential dynamics. especially her relationship w steph, not just in a stephcass way but in a narrative foil way, to me at least

next post I'll probably talk abt cass's guilt, self hatred, and need for atonement but we move‼️

#and thats the first 20 issues!!#posting now so it doesn't get too long but im still going #thought bubbles #batgirl #cassandra cain #dc comics #batgirl 2000 #bonus silly moments r joker singing oops i did it again by brittany spears and catwoman putting prerecorded scooby doo marathon on the tv #2000 posting

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havenesc · 5 days ago

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fic writer ask game

i was tagged by @spiritsglade THANK YOU DEAREST DARLING <3

1) How many works on Ao3?

7 :')

2) Total Ao3 wordcount?

209,766 (one work is 129,453 words and counting....uhghghg)

3) Top 5 fics by kudos

nothing grows to burn

lay down, you're slow

i'll grab my light (and go with you) <- crazy because that feels like a really young fic somehow LOL

how do you do (cause i'm feeling so cool)

catch my breath, hold it for me

4) What fandoms do you write for?

jujutsu kaisen -- specifically, the (once) rarepair inumaki/okkotsu or inuokko.

d(epression)c comics <3

5) Do you respond to comments?

i try to! i let them marinate for a bit just because i usually get very scared immediately after i post things and hide for a little while LOL but i love replying and seeing people's thoughts.

6) Angstiest ending?

oh by far, or redecorate. it's a jjk fic, not DC, but it deals with the hubris of a man who has never met a challenge he could not beat and it costs his student everything he is and has.

7) Fic with the happiest ending?

i'll grab my light (and go with you) is my happiest (finished) ending! happy is probably a very simplistic word but i don't know. i like thinking about the door to a relationship opening up between dick and jason :)

8) Do you get hate?

i don't get hate but i do get people being a bit demanding about asking for updates on older works. which is almost arguably worse, even if well intentioned i'm sure :')

9) Do you write smut?

i have written smut! i have two smut fics in my wips right now and one published lol. smut is extremely hard to balance but great for developing how you write scenes that are action-focused in general. do i think the nsfw i've posted is good? i dunno. but it's fun.

10) Do you write crossovers?

technically i guess writing the crime matriarch and the dog she didn't want au is a crossover....... but generally no. i just write really self indulgent (usually hockey-based) AUs.

11) Ever had a fic stolen?

to my knowledge no! my art, yes, but my fics are just that specific brand of niche that i think i get saved lol

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! nothing grows to burn is currently being translated into russian here.

13) Have you ever co-written a fic?

sometimes it genuinely feels like i cowrite wips because i'm always talking through writing choices with friends -- and i used to RP a lot which felt like cowriting. HOWEVER. i have not actually sat down and cowritten anything in the same doc with a friend before. could be fun :^)

14) All-time favourite ship?

this is going to have zero context if you are not syd but jackliv i fucking love you. you have been in my head for almost a full decade now and i think of you with love and fondness.

i don't really ship anything in dc outside of like. night watch LMAOOO. i will read a lot of different fics with ships attached to them and be like "i see the appeal" but not really. jump in. yknow

15) WIPS you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

okay so. i had a dc fic forever ago. strong bones on the plot. case fic. got real fanon-y back when i was a fresh baby into dc comics and in college. reread it. orphaned it, kept the plot, plan to rewrite it one day.

i do not think that will happen. but the actual underlying plot outside of the family drama bullshit was good.

16) Writing strengths?

action and unreliable narration........ i loooove writing action and i love the Internal Thoughts of a guy who is deeply paranoid or anxious so deadset on believing/gaslighting himself on some real untrue shit. i feel like those are my two big'uns.

17) Writing weaknesses?

hmmm. i tend to write longer works, which means when i'm trying to get to a point Very Fast instead of taking my time, i feel like the pacing goes out the window and gets all fucky. feels disingenuine. struggling real bad with that rn.

also dialogue IS very fun but i do not Feel Bonita about it being a strength HAHA

18) Thoughts on mixed language dialogue?

when it is done appropriately and well-researched, godsend. hot soup on a cold winter day. exquisite.

if it's some saison marguerite "how do u sey.... boohk?" kind of bit, it gets real old real fast.

19) First fandom you wrote for?

king arthur's horses. i don't even know if that counts as a fandom but he had horses and they talked and they were in love. i was 10.

for a LEGIT fandom that i wrote oneshots for, the last of us i think? ellie my bbg.

20) Favourite fic you've ever written?

honestly non-dc is for sure nothing grows to burn. i still want to finish it. it's wildly self indulgent, it's hockey, it's slow burn, it's about learning to move on from an all-consuming grief when you don't know who you are without it. it's about learning how to love yourself and your place in a world that is not traditionally "meant" for you.

for my dc-related fics, out of the ones published, i'll be gone in the dark is also a niche indulgence. i love writing this thing even though i have never been so scared in my life to post a chapter 2. i just love the idea of a jason todd that gets to decompress and not be consistently mired in a life that is deeply inherently triggering to him (even if he doesn't know he's being triggered) idk....... smth about it.....

also horses. and a jackass named goose. lol.

iiiiii believe everyone i would have tagged has already done this or has already been tagged, but feel free to steal this and tag me if you would like to do this :)

#ask game #this was fun ty!!!

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joltai-showa · 4 months ago

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fic notes, From Queen to a Pawn, chapter 8 edition!

I dunno where did the entire day go lmao, I swear to god I blinked and it was already middle of the night, but I did went to check out a major research innovation laboratories cluster which was pretty fun, really fascinating what is being developed for prosthetics field. Couldn't join the work dinner with the others cuz I wanted to decorate my flat for New Year + had to cook some stuff before it all went bad, which is where my evening magically vanished lol. The tree did come out pretty cute, so I'm pretty satisfied.

Anyway, yapping about life stuff is over, let's get back to your guys' favorite yapping topic: Obito's suffering😘

(yes that's what he looks like in "Eclipse" ahaha)

- chapter's title: obviously, "Eclipse" refers to a natural phenomena that occurs whenever the moon blocks the sun's light from the Earth's point of view by being directly in the way between the sun and the planet

- and by this point I think it should be pretty obvious that this chapter is explicitly tied to the name of the entire series: "Body and Soul, Sun and Moon"

- I have seen certain interpretations of this title as Deidara being the Sun and Obito being the Moon, however, as you might have guessed, this is incorrect. "Body and Soul" is the part that refers to Obito. Maybe one day I'll write down exactly why is that in greater detail, but for now the only thing that is important is: Obito's trauma regarding losing half of his body, looking like a chewtoy for a bobcat, the reality being hell, him physically being stuck in it, while what he really wants and dreams of is the illusion. I don't think that I currently do a very good job of working the with whole "Soul" thing at this point in the series, mostly because "Mind" is more appropriate rn. Oh well

- but back to "Sun and Moon": yes, Deidara is indeed the Sun in the title, but the Moon refers to none other than Rin. No matter how passionately I hate canonic Obirin, one can not attempt to write Obito inside the canon universe without his love/obsession with Rin

- Kishimoto really managed to outdo himself with these two, because not only is Rin not a character (a cardboard cutout has a more consistent character traits than whatever the fuck she is), but also managed to make Obito both a terrible human being and a character. And these are two different things on Kishimoto's part: obviously, being the leader of Akatsuki and the mastermind behind like 80% of the shit going down in modern Naruto history, adult Obito that we meet in the story is an abhorrent man that is directly and indirectly responsible for countless horrific crimes and no amount of flashbacks to "uwu cutie patootie boi who dreamet of bekoming a hOkAgi❤️❤️❤️❤️" can ever excuse and explain that piece of dogshit that was supposed to be his "redemption arc". Seriously, the only thing that this man makes me feel in canon whenever I see him getting fucked over during the finale of Fourth Shinobi World War is "awww, you're having a bad day?🥺 I hope it gets worse!😊🙏 I hope you'll suffer far more than all of your victims combined🥳🥳"

- but that obviously only touches on Obito as a man, not as a character, and, surprisingly, even after giving him a full-blown flashback stretch of several chapters, him being the main villain for the series for like 250 (?) chapters out of the total 700 and getting "redemption arc"... Kishimoto still did not manage to produce anything coherent or even decent. I still wanna write down an extensive post regarding all of the issues canon Obito has, but for now I'll just say that he as a character is just terrible, mostly because his motivations are so fucking bad. Kishimoto didn't want to bother giving him anything beyond "I feel nothing"/"World is hell" + he literally phisycally couldn't as anything darker than the Rin death scene massacre would raise serious questions from the readers about why THE FUCK is this guy of all assholes is getting such a lazy "redemption arc", so at the end of the day Obito's motivations fall onto 2848927484 phrases on the level of iam14andthisisdeep about the state of the world and his love for a character whose defining feature in the plot is being Obito's love intrest🙂awesome stuff Kishi

- anyway, as I've mentioned here and there, as far as BSSM au is concerned, I will be changing both Obito's and Rin's characters. With Obito it's kinda already there and just me doing what I believe to be realistic about a man as bitter and traumatised as him. Also getting rid of the whole "I feel nothing" thing, because this is just Kishi's lazy writing to not deal with any of the things concerning Obito's relations with other people from that 17 YEARS LONG PERIOD OF HIS LIFE, so he's just gonna be yapping about feeling nothing, which is exactly what he wants to be (of his own volition + what Madara and Zetsus want of him). Rin being dead is a bit harder to show (LMAO), but I have some stuff in mind to give some meat to the skeleton of this character, so to speak.

- Rin and Girldara are two of Obito's crushes and, in a sense, roads with different outcomes. In the beginning (which is where we are now) they are also desires of Obito's soul and Obito's body respectively. I'm planning on having him excuse his attraction to his Akatsuki partner as "it's just physical urges, it doesn't matter, she's just something from this world, all of this belongs to this world, and it'll all be gone when the ideal world comes"

- Rin, in my opinion, has a lot of imagery assosiated with the moon as far as canon concerned. Not only does she die under the full moon, she is also Obito's ultimate goal at the end of this wonderful thing called "Eye of the Moon". I believe that even the 14 opening (Tsuki no Ookisa) of Shippuden directly shows her dead body's connection to the full moon. So, making her the "Moon" in the title was pretty obvious move.

- Deidara, on the other hand, is just a little sun bunny😙that's simply off the way she looks: lively, loud, hair bright as sunlight (regardless of the horrors of her past and current life💀). I wasn't planning on getting rid of the whole Rin thing, so it was pretty natural to kind of put them on the opposite sides as Sun and Moon

- also I find it incredibly funny that the name of the organization that both Deidara and Obito belong to is the... "Dawn" (yes, that's the translation of "Akatsuki" as it is written in the manga. The sounds in the word can be separated into "Aka Tsuki" which means "Red Moon", but this is moreso a coincidence and a pun on Kishimoto's part). Which is. You know. When the time rolls over from the night with the moon and onto the day with the sun😁

- anyway ENOUGH YAPPING ABOUT THE TITLE GODDAMMIT. and yes "Eclipse" refers to that scene when Obito starts seeing Rin as he holds passed out Deidara, as the Moon kind of got in the way of the Sun

- "Gritting his teeth tighter, Obito repeatedly attempts to locate Zetsu, no doubt in his mind regarding the thing's intentions."

The entire first half (?) of the chapter Obito is trying to find Zetsu spying on them... and Zetsu isn't even present😁😁😁😁 Yes, as the omnipotent entity of the writer as I am, I confirm right now that no cacti or weird shadows of a miserable Uchiha man followed our livebirds in this chapter. Obito's paranoia regarding that will be adressed in later chapters, maybe even in the next one, but he is playing a carefully for no one, because Zetsu isn't there and Deidara has bigger issues on her mind

- that doesn't mean that Zetsus didn't have a plan in motion for these events🤭it's just that they didn't need to be present and risk being discovered to get a confirmation of their suspictions😁😁😁😁again, stuff for later chapters

- oh and one last thing about Zetsu before we continue with the chapter: I've already been dropping mentions of Deidara's left arm festering back in chapters 6 and 7

from "Dead or a lie":

from "Unexpected discoveries":

now as for whether Zetsu knew that it wasn't Deidara's severed right arm on the ground that was rotting, but rather her left elbow is an open-ended question😁

- and yeah regarding her wounds: in the manga Deidara kind of immediately loses everything below his upper arm, meaning no hand and elbow

(chapter 249)

I slightly changed her wounds in the fic to accomodate the... necessity for something to get amputated🙂 so in FQTP Deidara loses only her hand, the elbow rots away due to infection, and in the end she ends up with the same scars as her canon counterpart, meaning Kakuzu's threads going midway through her upper arm

- and yeah Kishi you wanna explain why the fuck Deidara just doesn't fucking die in the beginning of Shippuden? jesus fucking christ, got his arm crushed by Gaara's sand (pretty sure not sterile), whatever the fuck remained was hanging there with the remains of the cloak (surely not sterile), then he yoinks Gaara from the village, walks on foot from Suna to the hideout in another fucking country (????WHY WON'T YOU FLY DUMBASS), seals Shukaku for THREE FUCKING DAYS before yoinking Gaara again and fighting Konoha, but now with NO ARMS at all. A ninjutsu specialist and a ranged fighter btw. And then he goes on a stroll around the forest looking for his arm. WHAT IS ACTUALLY WRONG WITH YOU???? CAN YOU CHILL FOR FIVE FUCKING SECONDS???? OMFG DUDE'LL HAVE A NUKE DROPPED ON HIS HEAD AND SURVIVE AT THIS POINT

- ahem. so. yeah. Deidara almost dying from infection? my attempt at trying to tone down that black air force energy that Kishi created for this character in the Kazekage Rescue arc, because some things are simply too absurd

- I posted about this on here about certain research I was conducting for this chapter and yeah that was about Deidara's condition. What has happened to her left arm is commonly known as wet gangrene and myiasis (that's the scientific name for getting maggots😘😘😘😘😘). Surprisingly there's actually maggot therapy for different gangrenic wounds because the larva of certain species of flies will actually eat only the dead tissue, leaving the living tissue unaffected. That still involves putting maggots in your wounds though

- really don't recommend googling either of these conditions unless you want to see people with blackened parts of bodies and tiny white insect larvae inside someone's wound🙂

- anyway the gangrene stuff has been planned in advance, but I was not sure about the maggot part, so I checked and yes, the most common way to get it is to have an open wound in some very hot and humid climate. I'm too lazy to pull the Naruto World map for this post, so you'll need to open the pinned post on this blog if you don't know the general stuff about it, but based of the most extreme climatic points for it (with something like Land of Snow in the north and Land of Wind with its desert in the south), I think it's fair to interpret Naruto world as somewhat Northern Hemisphere situated? if that makes sense. meaning that Land of Rivers being next to Land of Wind is pretty hot and humid (there's literally a long ass river in canon by Akatsuki's hideout + also Deidara sits in some fucking cave for 3 days straight), sooooo... yeah, who would have seen this coming *gasp*

- and one last funny fact about my life: so I posted this chapter on Friday, and following Tuesday I had my regular Chinese classes, and our study group has like an absolutely insane range of girls from different profession, because somehow we've got me the data scientist, a girl who is currently studying back at uni that I just finished, but for something like a business degree, a lawyer girl, a girl working in agriculture and a nuclear engineer of all people, but most importantly a girl who is studying to be a doctor and already works as a nurse (which translates to "she is the same age as me but to get her degree she has to study like another 5 more years"). And as usual midway through the Chinese class we start chatting about normal girl things like SEWING BACK SEVERED LIMBS. And she actually said that the limit for a severed arm to be reattached is just 6 hours, after this it is considered infected and dead

- for reference I believe I've set the time between Deidara and her right arm's departure to be about 24 hours lmao. so realistically she should not be getting this arm back either. but realistically she should have also died from shock back in Suna, so some of the realism is thrown out of the window to accomodate Naruto world's batshit crazy stuff. let's just say her right arm is alright thanks to some weird DNA changes thanks to being an active chakra user and a descendant of a major shinobi clan😁I mean the arm was lying there for just a day, it's not as bad a walking around an open wound for almost a week🙂

- also I was pretty spot on with most of Deidara's symptomps even before finishing the research, except for one thing and that is pain actually going away after the infection kills the nerves in the limb. so in the released chapter she doesn't feel anything in it (and now it's just the rest of her body screaming in pain because low on chakra + got beaten up + didn't eat or drink for days + the whole blood loss thing, so she is practically getting a first row experience into what is it like to have all of your organs shut down), but in the plan that I did for this chapter Deidara actually still felt some pain in her arm, so Tobi asks her to rate her current pain on scale from one to ten and Deidara says something like three. Obito is kind of relieved but still sus of her condition then asks how did it feel to have her arm ripped away and then this dunderhead replies with four or five and Obito just goes

😁fun stuff that didn't make it to the final version

- now onto "hey, that happened before and caused this!" part of the notes: so why the fuck Deidara's condition deteriorates so quickly after an entire day of strolling around and hiding in the bushes from possible ambushes? well, the answer is: the strangulation scene!

- I imagined that she's already pretty low on energy by the time she finds Tobi and Zetsu, but she keeps herself stable by simply conserving her energy at any opportunity. However, certain someone's yapping pissed her off so badly she does a very stupid thing and attacks them. This entire physical exertion moment is what kicks off what follows in this chapter. I believe that I even mentioned that she is struggling to stand up after trying to kill Tobi. so, er, thanks, Obito?

- and now she is simply on a clock before she'll pass out in forest because ain't no way she is making it to Ame in that condition

- another major downwards turn happenes when Deidara starts vomiting and falls over, no longer able to walk: if you notice, she actually just seconds before that rapidly turned around two times, angry that Tobi is trying to stop her from walking to Ame, but accidentally going the wrong way. She was already feeling pretty sick, and this movement is the final nail in the coffin for her poor empty stomach. so, er, thanks, Obito?

- His much wider gait allows him to quickly close the gap between him and the Akatsuki member, however Tobi never allows the distance to fall below some respectable ten or so meters

I actually mention through this walk how the distance changes between the two of them, Obito is thinking about his 927482838 things, while he is actually getting closer and closer to Deidara, first it's 10 meters, then it's 7, then 4, until he catches up to her, but not because Deidara wanted to slow down

- As the branch that Deidara previously avoided hits Obito in the chest and finally breaks in half

just me having fun with their height difference😁Deidara is at best Obito's chin level, so this is a thing that could happen

- I explained it quite a bit in the comments under the chapter, but there's a number of factors going for Obito not realizing what is wrong with Deidara: his paranoia about Zetsu, his dick still wanting some explanation to the events in "Hell", him losing touch with understanding the processes of human body because he has been that isolated from others for years, him assuming Akatsuki members won't die to some wounds and his assumption that Sasori did something about Deidara's left arm

- Besides, even with her current wounds, she has been trained by Iwagakure, so she would have a higher resistance to low-level and medium-level genjutsu

I'm trying to balance here what is known and unknown about Deidara's past, and I think it should be a common knowledge that Iwagakure has some special training in place against genjutsu (considering how broken they are), and Deidara, being Tsuchikage's student, would have to go through it, if not something tougher🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

- "Stop being so fucking daft and turn away already!" Deidara switches between passive irritation and angry outburst as quickly as her artworks go up in smoke."

So, in regards to Deidara's current mood: she is pissed at Tobi for watching her at her weakest. Like, wanna murder and bury your body right here pissed, but doesn't have enough strength to do it for the fear it'll make her feel worse. As far as Iwa's modern (I guess Mu and Onoki originated?) philosophy is that weakness is unacceptable under any circumstances. Showing weakness is crushing your pride, showing weakness is showing your worthlessness, and this cult of pride is being instilled in shinobi kids since young age. Not that people in Iwa don't naturally think very high of themselves

- "Obito's ears certainly felt hot even before Deidara started to sigh and cough while she continued to satisfy her urge somewhere at his hand level."

And another thing that I made a point to include in the first half of the chapter that goes away in the second with Deidara's quick descent into the afterlife - Obito's paranoia about Zetsu watching him and Obito's horny at the smallest things involving her, such as her drinking water. After our babygirl throws up, Obito doesn't think of the double trouble again for the remainder of this chapter.

Not only that, but Obito actually gets to undress and touch her body which would have awakened a rabid wild hog in him previously. I've actually changed Deidara's clothing a bit in the fic (all the way back in LTFG)

☝️exhibit of Deidara's clothing underneath Akatsuki cloak

to be completely honest I kind of disliked his top half of the design for years at this point. The color of the top is omega ugly and doesn't look good on him, and while practically everyone wears some mesh thingy in the manga, I can not concieve a practical reason for that. Either that's just pretty clothing (which is... why would an Akatsuki member wear something that doesn't help in combat?) or it's supposed to be some sort of body armor, but a) doesn't look to be that sturdy + Deidara rips it off his chest with ease b) it would just add weight to a ranged fighter who would, you know, rather avoid an attack on the vital organs rather than get hit and try to protect him with something.

So Girldara actually wears just a simple black top on her upper torso, no mesh or anything. Here's a photo of how I approximately imagine it looks:

Simple, doesn't restrain movement, comfy, all of which would have been pretty important for a nukenin like her. The cloaks, I think, would be enough to protect against the weather and temperature, so there's no need for her to dress anything beyond the pants, her belt bags and a top.

(and if you are wondering if she wears bra beneath it, well... I would say that no?🤣 ahahhahahaha. It would kind of get in the way and she isn't "endowed" enough to have to wear one to support her back🤣 but let's allow Obito to discover this fun little fact)

- "The eyelashes on her only visible eye shake as she gazes at Tobi in a stupor-like state, he is not even sure if she understands who he is at the moment."

an unexpected complaint, yeah, but I keep forgetting that Deidara's left eye is covered with a scope, so Obito can't actually see her eyes plural. I do remember that Obito has only one eye, but Google docs keep trying to fix both Deidara's eye and Obito's eye to plural🙄🙄🙄

also I often forget which side of Zetsu is which. Because Obito's left eye is gone, while Deidara's left one is covered by hair/scope, I constantly think that Black is the left half, when in reality it's the opposite💀💀💀💀

- "But Tobi thinks it looks okay! For a... well... limited edition limb. Sorry! Tobi's sorry! Please don't hit me, I'm just saying whatever comes to my mind!" Deidara simply makes an irritated grunt in reply, keeping her eyes closed."

If you haven't noticed, throught the entire "examination" Deidara keeps her eyes closed. She is trying to get back to her senses. But in the process she stops expecting seeing Tobi prancing around her, so when she does open her eyes, it's hard for her to focus and see things around her, her vision is getting blurry, and because she can't see clearly (and well whatever is on her mind) she freaks out

- a mild spoiler but what causes her to freak out is the color of Obito's mask. Certain someone from her past used to wear something orange and that set her off.

- I actually got around to designing this someone and I think I did a pretty good job getting them from my mind out onto the 3D model! Obviously, not showing it right now, but just keeping updated that some characters are already in the process of being developed

- okay but something actually drove me fucking nuts with the whole examination scene. so I finish writing Obito looking over her right arm, deciding that it looks okay enough and choosing to put something around it to prevent her from bleeding out later and kind of decreasing the necessity of her keeping up the chakra blocks, right? so I go open the dictionary for the word describing that thing to put around her arm and what I find is

tourniquet????

this feels like a fake word. like somebody made it up and placed it in the dictionary for funsies. why the fuck is it like that?

so I send it to my friends and ask them if it actually exist and describes the thing that I am trying to explain and they collectively reply that yeah, that's the word, sounds super fake, doesn't it?

anyway the executive decision for this chapter was to use the word "strap" because it does sound more sensible and appropriate for the context. yeah, "strap" also refers to a specific... device that a girl would wear with her freaky boyfriend (and I can't say that I haven't entertained such a scenario with Obito's bisexual ass, but anyway). in any case I would rather use the funny word rather than that one, because that feels like French propaganda that I'm not about to fall for.

- "Dumbass... a real shinobi knows how to take pain... with head held high..." Deidara interrupts Tobi's unserious musings with her croaking. "You're... worthless... if you can't handle pain..."

huh I wonder who could have told Deidara that🤭

- "No, sorry, not happening. I've got only one scarf, after all, and you've got a bunch of those cloaks that you guys don't even wanna share with Tobi. And it's Tobi's favorite too!"

This was me just messing around lmao. Tobi's and Obito's sentiments practically never coincide, but in this instance Tobi does say the truth and Obito actually values his ✨scarf✨ like a petty bitch lol

- also I believe that as chapter progresses I've been changing Tobi's speech pattern in "serious" situations, particularly by getting rid of the third person name calling (Tobi thinks/Tobi wants/Tobi can't) which actually sounds more natural in Japanese because it's not uncommon for someone to refer to themselves in third person in certain circumstances. Obito uses only "I" whenever shit starts hitting the fan

- "It was always him assuming that Pain and his people would act reasonably"

If you remember the description of the fic, the main thing around From Queen to a Pawn is Obito finally deciding to leave the shadows and join Akatsuki as their member, Tobi. This moment in particular refers to some of the biggest issues that Obito has ran into during this mission - all of Akatsuki members belonging to a suicide watch and caring only for their personal bullshit, even if that said bullshit will result in them or their fellow Akatsuki members getting killed😁so Obito will set out to watch everyone in the open and correct their movements so that Eye of the Moon doesn't end before even starting

- "Deidara's speech now sounds like an endless mess of slurred noises somewhat resembling human speech. Obito is unsure if it is becoming harder to understand her because of the Iwa accent suddenly returning to her or simply due to her tongue not following her brain's commands anymore."

I am a big fan of the whole "Five Great Shinobi nations actually don't speak the same way" idea. I would definetily say that Iwa, Suna and Kiri certainly should have civilians speaking different languages than the "common" one, which affects their speech a lot, so you can kind of guess where a shinobi is from based on the type and strength of their accent. Obito got rid of his years ago (plus I would say that Konoha's accent is by far the closest one to the "common" language of the continent), because it gets in the way whenever he must impersonate someone, he actually learned how to imitate most shinobi accents on the go. Deidara used to have Iwa one and a pretty strong one at that, but she had spent half of her life away from her homeland, so she practically never shows it. I'd say most of Akatsuki members end up losing their hyper specific accent after a few years, so their speech is pretty close to each other's.

- "I wasn't late, I am not late, I can not be late, she survived, she survived even when all believed her to be a goner, she can't die now, not like this."

One of the main ideas that I had coming into this fic is to parallel Rin's death with Deidara's aftermath of the Kazekage capture mission. Obviously, Obito was too late to arrive to save Rin, and when he goes off to find Deidara, he eventually starts succumbing to despair and assuming her to be dead as well. Obviously, she proves him wrong, and so he gets this childish and hopeful idea that everything is going to be alright, because he was not late this time. Of course, nothing is fine, as Deidara is about to die in the middle of the forest from an untreated gangrene, so Obito gets a choice: to follow Madara's (Deidara is a disposable tool ultimately not really important for the plan) and Tobi's (incompetent idiot that won't be able to do anything for Deidara regardless of how hard he tries) role or to follow what Uchiha Obito set out to do 16 years before the current events and failed at (saving the girl of his interest from a certain death). Well, you know how the rest of the chapter goes, but it is one of the first steps that Obito takes in Deidara's direction😁

- "Hey, hey, hey, Deidara-san, I'm bored. Like, sooooo bored. Can we sing a song? I know one about nine cute ducklings and a scary crow!"

I was writing that particular part during my flight after IELTS, so I couldn't google any real kids' rhythems, thus I simply ended up making up something on the go. The nine cute ducklings are supposed to be the Akatsuki members, while Obito is the scary crow lmao

- "Tobi twirls in place as he jumps onto a clearing with no grass, likely burnt down by a forest fire in the past summer, the earth beneath his feet dry and chunky, as he almost collides with charred tree stump."

The choice for "Obito tweaking the fuck out" scene was to contrast Rin's death scene. Obviously, Deidara finds Zetsu and Tobi in the middle of the day, so she passes out under the sunlight, while Rin died in the middle of the night with full moon present. But besides the whole Sun and Moon thing, I've also decided to contrast "dry" and "wet" qualities of both scenes. Obito is sitting on a burnt down clearing, the earth there is cracked and dry, sun is burning as they are in hot climate, compared to the massacre that Obito commited back then, with everything ending up wet and covered in blood.

- "The edges of his vision are trembling as Obito slowly lowers his face to finally take a look at who (not what, not what, not what) he was holding."

Another thing that I did for this scene - Deidara is no longer referred to by her name, only "she" all the way until, I believe, Obito makes the decision to try and save her with Kamui. This is to amplify that feeling of Obito no longer being able to tell apart who he is holding, because again he is having his wonderful PTSD attack

- "Obito keeps supporting the girl's back with his left arm while he is trying to tighten the makeshift strap above the now bleeding wound."

Again, I was writing this part during the plane ride, so I couldn't check the manga, but later as I was editing the chapter, I realized that I accidentaly did some very funny contrast between this scene and Rin's death.

So, what happens is Obito picks Deidara up with her right side pressed against him, meaning that for the rest of the chapter Obito is holding her back with his left arm, Deidara is supported by his still fully human part of the body

Meanwhile if we compare it to Rin's death

It's actually the opposite

Obito is holding Rin with his right arm, the one that was destroyed and replaced by Madara

- "A few seconds later a strong trembling overtakes her entire body, something moves in her throat and blood begins to leak from her mouth too, painting the left corner of it red."

Also an intended simularity

- "If he glances to the right, he can see silhouettes of newborn trees, their bark shining pearly white in the impenetrable darkness of the night, bearing their first fruits clad in blue-gray uniform and masks, the air heavy and moist from the bloodshed in it. And if he glances to the left, thick forest dances in the bright rays of sun, creating a somber melody for the burnt down clearing, empty and dead and so damn cold."

Again with the whole right and left thing - to Obito's right it's his massacre of the Blood Mist ninja, while on his left what is actually taking place

- "But no matter where he looks, one thing remains the same: a body of a girl in his arms, her face covered in blood, thin streaks of it running down from her mouth, pale and unmoving, but with a bizarrely serene expression on her face, as if at long last she is at absolute peace."

This paragraph can refer to both Rin and Deidara, it's specifically vague like that

- "Where the moon doesn't reflect off of her blood-soaked brown hair.

Where the sun doesn't make her long messy bangs shine like gold against the paleness of her skin."

That's as close to Sun and Moon analogy as I could get lmao

Aaaand that's about it for this chapter? Most of the remaining stuff is self-explanatory in my opinion lmao. Now onto finishing "Obito's no-good terrible bad day"🤭

#naruto #jolt showa's fanfiction #jolt showa's obidei #jolt showa's ramblings

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