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system-of-a-feather · 8 months ago

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Full Integration, Final Fusion, Functional Multiplicitly, and General "Spirituality"

(Disclaimer: this is a very long post)

Heyyo, this is a bit of a hodgepodge of connected topics that I was thinking on this morning. For those that don't know, after like three months of being a really solid fused whole, we really decided that we needed to redivide back into our core parts to recenter, rebalance, and reorganize ourselves since our fused whole was loosing sight / vision of the "plot". We don't consider this "splitting" because we are still in - what we like to call "full integration" - and we don't really engage in much dissociation when we do this as the means of how we do this largely stems from the way we perceive, engage with, and view the concept of "self" and "identity." Our system highly values the mastery and art of a very fluid and ever changing sense of identity and self. This morning - thank you Chunn brain for batting our collective brain from the usual urge to get out of bed and get started with our day to give us time to really sit with our inner selves - we spent about an hour and a half and a small half hour nap just laying there thinking among ourselves and I wanted to share a few.

I think at the moment I am still mostly a fused whole and I had considered trying to go to Ray or Lin for them to write this, but it didn't feel right to go to Ray brain and Lin brain directly told me "Dude, this thought line started with Riku-dominant fused brain, trying to have someone else write it would be a disservice to the reflection. Let Riku or Riku-dominant fused brain do it, it's their thought." and you know, fair point. I think I'll use this post as a temporary "bye few thoughts" and love letter to our parts as a fused whole before leaving it to the individual specialists to do their things.

So introduction to this post aside, hello and temporary soon to be farewell before I choose to temporarily redivide into my main parts. Today is May 15, 2024 and I'm gonna document this a bit for when I come back whenever that is and kind of see if my fused-whole perspective and nature changes - mostly for myself. Online I go by Feathers, irl I just go by our chosen name.

I'm a (mostly, technically non-denominational independent, but most of my views and perspectives come from and align closely with) Zen Buddhist. I'm nonbinary vaguely transmasc (not really though?) intersex individual with the pronouns of they/them. I am extremely pro-endo and if I honestly felt like sticking around longer, I was thinking about writing a much more nuanced essay on tulpa-terminology discourse with my current reflections as a fused whole and as a pretty avid Buddhist but, unforunately, unless one of my parts still shares the same insight AND interest, that essay will have to wait for me to potentially be back (hey, Riku or Chunn might still want to who knows). I dunno what else to say, I love bird, Bleach, walking, driving, listening to music, video games, writing, art? I dunno man, I'm just me.

Documentation aside anyways, I gotta figure out where I want to start. I think I will actually piss my high-school English teachers off and start with the LAST thing in the title card. I might loose a lot of close minded white anti-endos here, but hey, if you are that close minded, then its your loss cause I'm just talking about late-stage recovery as a person with diagnosed DID that is considered polyfragmented. It's a fun conversation to have with other people with DID aiming for recovery so, if you're hell bent on hating people talking about plurality form a non-DID lens enough to disregard cool information, that's your loss. (Thank you XIV brain, crediting that to you for part of our goal today)

Buddhism, Spirituality, Plurality and Our Perspective of Full Integration

According to Buddhism, and one of the largest concepts and principles of Buddhism that we believe the most in and actively work to practice and cultivate the mindset of - is that the concept of "I" and the concept of a singular, distinct, and separate self from the world and others simply does not exist - only the experience and illusion of experience exists. I was talking about it with @quoigenicfromhell in DMs since they were interested in talking shop about Buddhism.

To save myself a whole effort of rewriting a discussion on how one can hold together the clear sensation of existing and being an individual with the idea and Buddhist understanding that the "self" does not exist, I'm going to copy a little bit of what I wrote in response to them. If it doesn't make sense cause its in a bit of Buddhist jargon, then oh well, I'm lazy, it's written for an audience that has done some reading and looking into Buddhist thought so RIP yall srry not srry (Thank you Chunn brain lol)

Honestly the development and understanding of holding those two things together (the non-self and non-existence with the clear experience of self and existence) is largely a lot of exploration on the understanding and respect for the experience without applying too much value or regard to said experience. Its kind of a hard thing to understand just based off of words alone and like all things Buddhism, its one of those sorts of things you really gotta sit on and explore in your own mental space, but like

The experience of self and personhood and existence is a denied concept in Buddhist thought, but its not a bad or incorrect thing, the experience of self and existence is kind of considered an inherent expression of life and the world and while its important to be cognicent that it is an illusion that can cause suffering and muddy an individuals ability to see Things As They Are, the experience and illusion of self is additionally an entirely natural thing to experience and is an important part of being able to, well, be

I kinda of personally perceive it kind of similarly to say a part in a system. Innately the part is not (at least in my experiences of systemhood) a literal entire separate being and thats an important thing to acknowledge for a number of reasons (life organization and direction, system accountability, etc) but its would also be incredibly foolish to completely ignore that the part operates, experiences themselves, and lives in the world (both inner and outer) as if they were an individual of their own

In the same sense that a part in a system can be seen both as an individual and a part of a whole / collective depending on what perspective and demands the moment needs. An individual can be seen both as the individual expression of a self informed by the arguably incorrect illusion of isolation OR as a part of the whole worlds expression depending on what serves the moment the best. I largely kind of see myself as part of a system that is the world much like I see my parts as part of a system that is "me". While the self may be an illusion, its not an experience that can be denied and it is an innate expression that in its own right can prove to be a great teacher So you deny the concept of a self but respect and revere the experience and innate natural expression of self

With that context in mind, while we do not believe in the concept of self and find that trying to seek out a concrete idea of a singular person and singular self in society is a source of extreme suffering, stress, and displeasure, we DEEPLY revere and honor the expression of self. As we see it, in a complete ideal and impossible the world would be in perfect harmony if we let the world express itself as it naturally does. We find that the experiences of self - in whatever form they take - are inherent and natural expressions of the world as a whole and to try to shape oneself to fit a specific image - may that be societally imposed or internally / personally imposed or a sense of envy or any sort of clinging or desire to a specific version / image of self - is a disrespect to the innate beauty found in the natural expression and a means of adding disharmony into the world.

As a result, our system and whole aims deeply, above almost all else to exist simply as we naturally would in any moment time to time. If we find that something we are doing with our sense of self is drawn and influenced too much on a "I should" or "I want" or "I wish" or "I hope" then we tend to pause, self reflect, and ask if we are actually existing in our natural state, or are we trying to fight against our natural state of self to fit into a self-imposed idea of what we "should be".

As a result of that, our system deeply values our flexibility, fluidity, and ability to change any aspect of ourselves, any opinion we hold, any identity label we consider, and our overall presentation in all ways and forms to a very high level. The desire to be consistent and predictable serves us little in simply practicing on "being" and finding the true and simply-run life that we want. That then results in why our system so casually flips around in system size, fusions, redivisions, how we refer to ourselves, etc. We find very little value in committing to labels and concepts and do whatever is natural for us.

Additionally, another large aspect of Buddhism our system deeply reveres and appreciates is the acknowledgement that there are "Buddhas" - or in less Jargon terms, potential for everything both internal and external to be teachers and guides into finding a sense of peace and simplicity in the world - and that it is deeply important to cultivating peace, happiness, and insight to actively always be seeking out the "Buddha" in everything and everyone. It's important to reflect, engage with, and talk with those "Buddhas" as they are the best and number one way to gain the insight that brings happiness and peace into life and removes excessive suffering and stress.

As many Buddhists agree (at least of the Mahayanan branches), everyone is inherently a Buddha because the world and everything is a Buddha. The only issue people have is that they can not connect, hear, and see clearly enough to be in that state due to a large number of human conditions - one large one being the aforementioned illusion of self.

Having lived my life as someone with DID and having gone through a lot of trauma therapy, self reflection, communication and coordination with my parts, and all that to the point we have reached functional multiplicity over a year plus ago and been able to hold a fully fused state for over three months, I feel like its a given to say that of ALL things in the world, the "Buddha nature" of my parts have been the best and most insightful teachers I've ever had. We revere each other's strengths and specialties greatly as each of us have taught the other great strengths, great understandings, great insights, and great appreciations that have collectively brought us so much peace and happiness. It's not to say any part is "enlightened" because each part is also deeply flawed and struggling in their own realms, but it is largely by working and talking and supporting one another and ACTIVELY looking to one another for insight and lessons about the world and our existence that we are able to reach a uniquely peaceful space.

For us, its an incredibly important practice - both for self care and in the art / spirituality of Buddhism - to regularly talk and engage with these specialized and uniquely-wise (and uniquely stupid - thank you XIV) parts of ourselves to gain deeper insight and overall understanding of ourselves and our place in the world.

In the same sense, it is why - despite being completely capable of operating as a fully fused whole - we regularly choose to INTENTIONALLY redivide into our parts. And no, its not us "splitting again" or even really throwing up any real level of dissociation / dissociative barriers. If anything, we usually do this through meditation and mindfulness.

It's a Buddhist practice, its not a mental disorder and its not stemming from the same mechanism's DID stems from. It might operate *based* on the foundation our history with DID stems from, but at this point in our healing, the way our system operates at functional multiplicity that is intentionally chosen to be that way AFTER reaching "final fusion" has a number of differences from how it operated before we reached general full integration.

Again, for those more familiar with the tulpa-terminology discussion, you might be able to see where I would have a long post delving into a highly nuanced and more middle-ground perspective of that syscourse from the paragraph above this one, but I'm gonna leave that cause I already know this post is long and it would detract from the purpose.

At this point, my system is mostly an "intentionally created one" to Western label standards. We personally do not see any significance or binary in plural VS singular people beyond it being a label some people identify with and not. Plural VS Singular is a false binary perpetuated in white, western, and european society and while I respect that perspective and view in a space that is primarily filled with white, western, and/or european individuals, I am going to firmly state that and expect you to give me that same respect. (and if you refuse to give me that same respect, then you are close minded and being very white / western lmao <- thank you XIV, again)

And so the other related but slightly different topic away from the more philosophical, esoteric, mysticism sounding topic of Buddhism...

Full Integration, Final Fusion, and Functional Multiplicitly

At this point, what we used to call "Wishiwashi Recovery" we kind of have taken to just calling "full integration" generally as a means of really breaking apart the suggested categorical and boxed binary of "final fusion" and "functional multiplicity" as our own experience and discussion with other systems at and near full integration have made us realize that the difference between functional multiplicity and final fusion is FAR more a spectrum than it is two seperate categories. Some systems stick to one end, some to the others, but the largest difference is in external and internal expression of the parts and less any fundamental or biological / clinical difference; at least not in terms of integration. (Note: Integration =/= Fusion; Integration is the general connectivity and accessibility of parts with less / limited / no dissociation)

It's a false binary to say Final Fusion or Functional Multiplicity and its why a lot of the "ones bad and ones good" syscourse is dumb. They're two heads of the same Doduo and they should be kissing. (JOKING, thank you Riku-Aya brain)

With that said, our system, as we've made clear, regularly and freely practices sliding and flying all over that spectrum as just how we like to engage with ourselves. We change between the two as we see fit and having spent probably like 9~ months in functional multiplicity and 3~ months in final fusion I wanted to share some pros and cons of both sides.

I would also like to put a disclaimer that this isn't meant to be "positives and why this side sucks" as much as it is the differences in life style according to our opinion and our experience. Both final fusion and functional multiplicity are absolutely WONDERFUL things overall and we love both states. If we got "stuck" in either, we would still be immensely happy. The purpose of this part is just to share certain differences in how we experience the two different ends. The Cons in these case are only "cons" relative to the "alternative" and not "to not ever reaching either"

Functional Multiplicity Pros:

A lot more clear and direct communication between parts internally that allows for a SHIT ton of internal banter, productive conversation about complex topic and perspectives from unique and diverse perspectives; the communication is a lot more intentional and a lot more in focus so its easier to properly sit and attend to the complex differences and sometimes conflicting directions

It's honestly just a lot of fun, not gonna lie. A lot more dramatic and extravagant expression + brain friends in a more overt sense

Easier to let certain parts of the brain take "breaks" - it's not the same as it is with not-fully-integrated DID but compared to Full Fusion, certain parts of the brain can "tune out" easier than not

More palatable to DID / OSDD spaces online

Easier to focus and use a wide variety of skills, interests, hobbies, and thinking patterns by simply just having a specialist part take their look at it

Generally easier to target specific boxes to look into as you process all the newly accessible memories and information from being highly / fully integrated

Final Fusion Pros:

Quick and a lot more inherent understanding of all parts on a general gut level without necessarily needing to fully think about everything and listen to every opinion and perspective; there is a lot more of an inherent understanding, trust, and awareness of the collective whole which makes decision making and seeing whats good for the system as a whole a lot easier

It's honestly way more calming, relaxing, and solid feeling. There is a unique sense of confidence, understanding, and trust within yourself and you have a HUGE arsenal of skills and interests that come from the combined parts that you've lived as

You are a lot more present and aware of your life and you actually get to live YOUR life and have all parts of yourself be engaged in life; no part feels really left behind or is caught off guard from having their brain partially turned off. The awareness is really present and engagement is so much more complete.

More palatable in real life and non-DID/OSDD spaces

Easier to simultaneously use skills from multiple parts at once; very much a jack of all trades all at once situation

Generally easier to integrate multiple complex and otherwise seemingly detatched boxes of memory and the past as you process all the newly accessible memories and information from being highly / fully integrated

Functional Multiplicity Cons:

Takes more intention, focus, and often time to get the same level of full understanding of the whole system when making decisions. It can be slow and it requires a lot more internal engagement which can make it harder to be fully present in life

Sometimes you can get what I call "lite" amnesia where a part was not paying attention and doesn't fully process what was going on / what is going on and so sometimes you get poor attention-driven "amnesia". It's small and easily recovered by simply going "hold up wait" and thinking back or asking another part

Harder to use skills from different parts at the same time; albeit definitely still possible and only "harder" relative to final fusion

Generally harder / requires intentional discussion between parts to integrate multiple complex boxes as you process all the newly accessible memories and information from being highly / fully integrated

Final Fusion Cons:

Less direct and overt bantering and discussion between parts (still present by the way, just less frequent and less overt). It can be a little less fun (still is fun cause they are sill there) and it can be a bit harder to fully see the extent of a more extreme perspective

It can be tiring and overwhelming to be aware and present so much for so long if you were accustomed to the breaks DID / OSDD tends to give parts

Easier to forget to use a lot of the skills and hobbies that may have been more niche to less-dominant and less-prominent parts; you don't "loose" the skills, you just aren't accustomed to using them as much so you can just kinda forget to use them

Harder to focus on a targetted recovered memory / information that you want to process and can sometimes be a bit overwhelming trying to connect a number of things at once

And this is all just to say that both are absolutely astonishing and great places to mentally be. The main point is that - for us - sometimes one state works better for us in the moment and another state works better for us later and that's completely cool cause - as aforementioned - the difference between plural vs singular is not a binary one for us anyways.

Anyways, I don't know how to wrap this up so I'mma just post it

Ideally today we will focus on cultivating our independent parts and return to Functional Multiplicity end of the spectrum so I guess tata for now

-Feathers

EDIT and PS: Anyone is allowed to add their thoughts to this so long it is in good faith.

#feathers speaks #functional mulitplicity #final fusion #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #syscourse #syscourse tw #tulpacourse #tulpacourse tw #full integration #buddhism #long post

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cambion-companion · 1 year ago

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Hey, so I have an idea for a Raphael prompt

Okay, so u know players who have a tendency to hoard items like scrolls, potions, and all this other good stuff because they "might need it later" but never use it? I'd like to see how raphael, A creature of law and order, would react to tav having to dig through their pack full of items to find something specific in the mess, but like halfway through they give up and just upend the pack. And Raph is just there, baffled, disgusted, but also marginally impressed because how. How can one person have so. Much. Stuff. Useful stuff they don't use.

i thought it'd be funny but anyway, have a good day!

YES absolutely delightful prompt, thank you friend :)

Also Tav has intelligence of 8 in this.

"I know it's in here somewhere." Tav sighed in exasperation, arm-deep in their bag of holding, feeling all the many bits and bobs they'd hoarded thru the months. "I just have to...aha!" Tav triumphantly withdrew their hand only to find they'd snagged a rather fetid piece of jerky. "Oh...no...no that's not it."

Raphael gave them a deadpan stare, lip curling slightly at the sight of the long-expired strip of meat. Tav had been trying to find a quill for the past several minutes, he shifted his weight onto one foot, placing a fist on his hip. "Perhaps you'd allow me to-"

"No, no!" Tav was now more determined than ever to scrounge up a writing utensil, they were now almost up to their armpit in their enchanted bag. "Ah...ewww! Astarion! What the hell is this?"

Watching from several paces away, Astarion shrugged. "I thought I might get peckish later."

"Disgusting." Tav rolled their eyes and upended the bag, giving it a good shake as a great many items began falling out onto the floor of Raphael's den.

The devil watched with mild annoyance and no small amount of exasperation, he was sincerely beginning to reconsider his decisions. "Unless you wish for all of this...chaos to be incinerated, desist immediately."

Tav was already done dumping the many things they'd looted in a haphazard pile and was rifling through the contents, looking still for a functional quill.

A spark of flame ignited at the tip of Raphael's fingers as he began to raise his hand to make good on his threat. Then his eyes caught on something shining amongst the numerous pieces of junk. "That ring there, another piece of waste I assume?"

Tav followed where he pointed and picked up the item in question, looking it over. "Hmm, yeah. I dunno...haven't bothered to have it inspected. Interested?"

"Not especially." Raphael lied smoothly, looking elsewhere for a moment before returning his attention to Tav. "However, I am in a generous mood. What would you sell it for?"

Tav thought hard, an astounding feat by Raphael's estimations. "Four hundred gold."

"That's quite steep for such a trinket." Raphael frowned at the impetuous creature. "However, I am quite fond of rubies. I'll give you two hundred."

"Two hundred and fifty."

"Done."

The ring was passed to Raphael and he pocketed it with a slight smile. A ring of three wishes would come quite in handy.

"Now, clean up this mess." Raphael waved his hand imperiously over the pile Tav had returned rifling through. "Before I lose my patience."

#raphael bg3 #raphael x tav #raphael baldur's gate 3 #bg3 drabble #fanfic

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diaryofaprettyprincess · 1 year ago

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hiii i’m sorry i actually can’t remember if i sent this before or not😭could you maybe write smth with eddie getting an innocent reader high for the first time? <3

(hi angel !! u havent sent this before so <33 hope u enjoy!! *sorry if this kinda sucks i wrote it at like three am KDSJF)) (also i wrote about her smoking for the first time but i didnt touch much on her getting high really.. if u want me to write just that lmk!!)

✧˚₊‧ 🧸 ✧˚₊‧

eddie originally invited u over to his trailer because he mentioned how he was failing math and needed ur help studying. of course, you complied, wanting to help him (and spend time with him as youve had a crush on him for months) (and of course he didnt actually want ur help studying, he just used that as an excuse to hangout with u as he has had a crush on u for a good two years).

but now, after helping him study for a good hour, he declared he needed a break. this break included him playing some of the most intense music youve ever heard posing as 'background music' whilst he smoked a rolled blunt.

he asked you if u were comfortable with him smoking in the same room as you, and because u were a curious creature (never being around any sort of drug), you nodded, saying you were fine with it.

eddie thought you were odd, in a good way of course. god, he wanted you so badly..but he didnt want to scare you off. he knew how sensitive you were to certain things. so when you sat right down in front of him as he smoked, staring at him with gloriously curious doe eyes, watching him take a drag from his joint--he was surprised to say the very least.

eddie watches the way youre eyeing the joint between his plush lips as he inhales, eyes squinting slightly as he looks at you sitting across from him on his bed; kneeling on his mattress--hands folded in your lap politely n ur eyes full of wonder but hesitancy as u chew on ur lower lip. you watch the metalhead blow the smoke from his mouth, an arm behind his head as he lies back against his pillows.

"you wanna try?" he asks, holding the joint out to you as he blows the smoke up in the air. he can feel the way your eyes trace his movements.

you giggle nervously, flustered. "o-oh, uhm, i dunno.. 've never tried such things before!"

thats something else eddie loved about you.

when you got shy you talked like some sort of disney princess.

he smirks, amused. his eyes are half lidded n red as he swipes his tongue along the fat of his bottom lip.

"c'mon.." his voice is playful. "'see the way ur eyein' it, princess.. i'll help you through it, dont worry." eddie takes a small drag from the end of his blunt once more.

fuck, hes so high. and horny. high and horny. maybe not the greatest combo when the girl he's liked for years is sitting right in front of him looking so..soft and beautiful.

does ur skin always glow this vibrantly?

"i just--'ve never done stuff like this. what if i act funny?" your lips form into a pout, concern lacing in ur features.

why did you have to be so cute and irresistable?

"'s okay, angel. promise i wont judge..could never judge a sweet girl like you," his praise makes you preen as you blush. "c'mon, come sit next to me, ill talk ya through it, mk?"

you nod, butterflies fluttering in ur tummy. besides the heavy smell of weed, eddie smelled so yummy to you. he was addicting to be around.

you sat next to him on his bed, pulling ur skirt down a bit as you get comfortable.

"now, just put ur lips around the end and inhale, okay? u might cough a bit but it'll go away," eddie brings the lit joint to ur glossed lips as ur eyes round with inexperience. the metalhead maintains eye contact with u as u inhale sharply, immediately bending forward and coughing as he pats ur back. "'s okay, princess, ur okay.." his ringed fingers rub ur back as u struggle to breathe.

a few seconds pass and u feel better. ur head is light but heavy.

"wanna try again? should've probably told u to inhale slowly..forget u dont know much about this stuff." he tucks a loose strand of hair behind ur ear and u feel ur heart speed.

u nod. "yes, please!"

eddie smiles gently at your eagerness. "alright, sweet girl, remember..nice n easy, okay? inhale gently and slowly."

you nod a bit as he brings the joint to ur lips. his left hand rubs up and down your right arm comfortingly. that act alone makes the butterflies that once only fluttered inside ur belly swirl into a storm.

eddie watches ur lips as u inhale slowly.

"good, baby.. nice n easy, okay? doin' so good.." his voice is so soft and gentle as he tenderly squeezes ur arm as u blow the smoke from ur lips.

u giggle when done, clapping excitedly before you're hit with a wave of tranquility.

eddie smiles. "u okay, honey?"

u smile back.

u were more than okay.

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x innocent!reader #innocent!reader #mail 💌#stranger things #stranger things season 4 #st4 #eddie st4 #girly!reader #stranger things fic #eddie munson xreader

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bolt280 · 5 months ago

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Pressure and Preference (it's more dysphoria gay shit)

(so... It's another vent post?)

Extra, an early memory

Yeah if that made no sense... I dunno, does anything I write ever make sense? I just needed to write this to like, take care of myself, but I also wanted to show people because I'm trying to get used to sharing this sort of thing, cause... These people think it's morally wrong to be yourself.

Like seriously, family members saying gay people should d-ie and then switching to the classic "I'll accept you no matter what", come on, and I'm getting misgendered out of malice and ignorance, fun.

I'm a little shy about this rainbow stuff, but International Fight is full of lil gay people

Womp womp, gotta get used to it

How do I... Close this?

#artists on tumblr #art #transgender #vent #vent post #trans #transmasc #its me again #i hope i didn't accidentally say something incredibly wrong???#lgbtq #asexual

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himejoshiangels · 10 months ago

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batgirl 2000 reread bcs I'm crazyy...IM NUTS!!!

her and that damned rose..what does it all MEAN!!! it makes a reappearance l8r...also I missed this dynamic so so bad. me when I'm in a seeing my kids as an extension of myself competition and my opponent is Bruce Wayne

I always forget how fucking potent and tension filled the first arc of this comic is man. it's like, bcs cass can't speak or even have thought bubbles everything's communicated via her actions or the words of the ppl around her. every panel she's in has to be chock-full of emotion and every time she interacted with someone the implications and the ffUCKKKKK‼️

the atmosphere in this damn comic man

I dunno man not to "back in my day!" when it wasn't even my day. but comics these days don't trust the audience even a little. there's always gotta be paragraphs of text having a character explicitly state every detail of their motivation and like not that old comics didn't also do that but at least the words they wrote were pretty like fuck man who are they hiring to write this shit anymorw

this transition is straight out of a movie. I know we say this with literally everything but if ANY comic in the world should get an animated show it has to be this one. top contender. it's formulated like one already, it's episodic w perfect overall themes and bigger plots. even the vibe is perfect, the grainy mtv cartoon thing it has going. every day I pray for a batgirl 2000 cartoon it'd go so crazy jsut adapt the shit straight

batgirl 2000 just keeps hitting you and doesn't let up bcs in the same episode SORRY issue..where cass meets lady Shiva for the first time is also the same issue where babs first begins to address her as Cassandra

^^WHICH IS CRAZY bcs we have to keep in mind that up to this point cass is nameless, she's only been referred to as batgirl. this is one of the first times she goes out as not batgirl too tho, bcs Bruce benched her. it's GAHHHHH that whole thing where vigilantes angst and drama abt titles and legacies and their individual identities is exacerbated so so bad for cass bcs batgirl is the first name she's ever given. like it's all she ever knew and ever was. Cassandra came after and THIS

THIS PANEL RUGHT HERE ohhh my god it makes me crazy. she's only batgirl. she doesn't even have the words to explain it yet. she's only a reflection of the city she's sworn to protect its all she is and at first its lowkey all Bruce let's her be. not to mention. her relationship w babs, I'll speak on them l8r can't do it now I'll explode

a 1:1 animated series man. it's all I can think about so so many iconic moments. I don't kill but I don't lose either is already as cold as cold gets. the way the comic is formatted already fully visualizes as animated in my brain and it's so so fun to watch

LIKE LOOK AT THIS!! cinematic as he'll and it's not even moving..

both cass and Bruce hit the bullseye like....

Cass's perfectionism is such an underrated character trait of hers (in like the greater batfam fandom and more modern comics not here, never here) bcs she literally sacrifices her life about it. she's so self detrimental about how not perfect she is anymore and Bruce's nonsense doesn't help either. man sees himself reflected in a teenage girl once and looses all his damn sense. I'm just, yea we know "mediocre for a life time or perfect for a year" < god that goes hard, but the true tragedy that is cass's inability to see how unnatural and upsetting it is that her mind works the way it does at all, that she can run into bullets head on but complains that she could do it with more skill when she was 6 or whatever like girl...never evr letting myself become desensitized to her trauma, David cain when I get you...

AND ANOTHER THING AND ANOTHER THING!!! KKKKKKKKK!! the sideplots and b plots and background characters in this comic..each of them are offered so much empathy by the narrative and are written purposefully to reflect or foil whatever cass's current conflic is all while feeling like fully fleshed characters even if they only appear for one issue

^^ I have feeling abt these panels but my lawyers are advising me not to speak atvthis ttime

THFUCKINH THE ROSE!!AGAIN!!! so sure this is old news but my running theory is that it definitely ties into cass's sense of self and identity outside of her living weapon status. this whole issue is prime babs v. bruce custody battle material bcs babs wants cass to be able to have a normal life, to be someone outside of batgirl bcs where she is now isn't healthy even a little bit but bruce argues that cass doesn’t need that, all she needs is her devotion to the mission < now we don't have time to unpack all that but in this moment we see her make the choice, dropping the rose. in the very first panel of the whole comic cass does the very same thing, she drops the puzzle (representing her childhood) in favor of violence bcs at the time its all she knows THE PARALLELS HELP HELP MEEE

AND AND THIS NEXT WHOLE PANEL is so evocative of the first few issues where cass couldnt yet put her emotions into words. just atmosphere and silence. BECAUSE she's confused!!! bruce says justice is what she needs that it will make her feel better, feel normal but it doesn't!! she looks over the city and still feels..feeling!!!! she picks the rose back up and extends a hand out to barbara bcs she was right, she not Bruce, she can't sit in a cave all alone all day and feel better (<which arguably doesn't even work for him either)

in the next few issues she meets steph and tim which is soo fun bcs letting cass have friends her age opens up so much for potential dynamics. especially her relationship w steph, not just in a stephcass way but in a narrative foil way, to me at least

next post I'll probably talk abt cass's guilt, self hatred, and need for atonement but we move‼️

#and thats the first 20 issues!!#posting now so it doesn't get too long but im still going #thought bubbles #batgirl #cassandra cain #dc comics #batgirl 2000 #bonus silly moments r joker singing oops i did it again by brittany spears and catwoman putting prerecorded scooby doo marathon on the tv #2000 posting

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blackbloodteeth · 3 months ago

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Cross the Delta

Okay so I think it's pretty well documented at this point that I'm not really a smut guy, not really my thing, but I was just so infuriated that my good friend @chickycherrycola had been struggling with posting their works to tumblr due to an issue with it not showing up in any tags, that I decided to write smut purely to spite tumblr back.

Huge thank you to Cherry for both giving me the Cherrytober 2024 prompt "Love Bites", as well as giving this a read-through because I am understandably all over the place haha. I'll probably post this fic to AO3 during the actual prompt date, for now though here's the whole thing under the read more (please go easy on me, both for stepping outside my comfort zone and also not containing that much actual smut lmao).

Rating: Mature Relationship: Soul x Maka Tags: Mild Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Nudity, Sharing a Bed, Sharing a Bath, Sharing a Beyond, I dunno axolotls or something Summary: Imagine if you will that it was instead Maka who had been found out to have been a witch, having one day awakened her magic and deciding to leave her life behind under the cover of night to escape an imminent trial, especially as the years of her deep partnership with Soul had begun to affect him in strange, unforeseen ways that the eyes of Order may consider too dangerous. Of course, Soul being who he is, would follow her anywhere without hesitation. Now out at the ends of the Earth on their own, there's so much he doesn't know about himself anymore, and even more so about the soul-deep connection they still share. Somehow despite being on the run, they've managed to have more time than ever to figure things out. Words: 2,838 (Full fic below!)

Sand sinks beneath his soles while the warmth of her hand soaks right through his palm. The bare light of the dregs of dawn watches them as Soul almost turns to look behind him, stopping when he meets the bright, shining green eyes of his partner, telling him that it's okay, they don't need to look back. He can envision it in his mind's eye, the city they once called home towering like its own kingdom, now shrunken in the distance they've both walked and still waiting for them to fall completely out of sight.

Maka's fingers deepen their grip between his and she gives him just the most gentle smile in the world, just for him now that it's all they have aside from the few possessions and the cloaking garments on their backs. A faint silhouette of the edges of his teeth poke out from the slight laugh he reflects from the surreal little feeling still following him, maybe them both, before she nods and takes his other hand. He then lets the flow of light consume him as she holds him in her gloves.

The narrow dark-red of Soul's glare squints back at him from the glass, fangs bared before his eyes inevitably drop back down to the marred line of stitches across his chest. Harsh bathroom light crosses through each line over his skin but does nothing against the faint red glow sitting inside all of it. He flicks the light off, seeing both his eyes and the glow of his soul pierce through the dark of the mirror, until it softens again when the switch flips back on.

A huff clenches his hand against the sink into a fist, the other gripped tightly around the little journal that he's barely opened, probably intended to stay that way while he slams the light off, stomps out, and paces in no particular direction through his side of the motel room. Intended until he pauses, stares at his eyelids towards the ceiling, and finally yanks the pen out, rushing back to the bathroom, light practically punched on, before he tears the small book open to a random page and forces everything out of his head all at once.

His shoulders tense through his teeth as the soaked fabric peels away from his skin, the careful hands of his partner stopping when he grips them, eyes unable to escape hers this time. Even from the reverberation of her wavelength, Soul can feel the fear echoing back at him, taunting him, replaying that haze of fangs and flesh he woke up screaming from over and over and over again. Until Maka actually grabs his hand back, grinding his breaths to halt as a different echo ripples through him like a fish circling around him. Breathe. Breathe. I'm here.

Slowly he lets her lift the rest of his shirt away, no longer clinging to his skin in a chill of rust and horror, just tremble in the sweat of a vivid nightmare and the apprehension of the faint red glow still beating beneath his skin. He's still shivering, still meek as a kitten when she lightly reaches for it and the heat of her fingertips traces around the embers sitting just below the surface. Maka sighs softly, much like her palm pressing against it, watching him again even before he hesitantly fits one of his hands over her fingers.

Blankets shuffle in the dark, quieting, and then shift to the side as Maka sits up. Across the room in this hotel, she can see almost clear as day the red glow coming from his heart and his eyes while he's staring directly at her, not even a wink of sleep blinking back. With a sigh, she steadily scoots off of the bed and trails the blanket around her, subdued waves of panic bundling up the tight knot of anxiety in the corner strumming silently for her to stay away, away, away.

Her hand gently leans down to tap the side of Soul's arm, sighing again when the anxious warnings only grow louder, poorly masked by a grunt trying to point her back to the bed. A huff plops Maka down right by his side, huddling up close to the cloak he swaddled himself in and making herself a nuisance that so adamantly insists she will not budge if he doesn't. In the quiet that follows, his wavelength plucks softer this time, ushering them up from the corner of the room with him clinging to her side.

Soul's chest spews out an exhale, fighting with the shower curtain before quickly turning back to Maka, her arms crossed and eyebrow raised until it wavers with a hearty chuckle despite the circumstance. He rolls his eyes, hoping the urgency of their situation tugs hard enough through their connection and screeching to a halt when she walks up close, waving it away with a return thrum of what must be done, or it won't be at all. A rough swallow immediately moves him aside as Maka goes about undoing her top, letting Soul focus on taking off his shirt to stare at the glow beneath his scar while he hears her fully undress, him likewise the same.

The water feels startling cold before it eventually warms up, falling from the showerhead in earnest once the temperature is comfortable enough for her. For him, his face feels a bit too warm. Just make it quick, that was the goal; A shared goal he agreed upon, she allowed, and they're both going through before they're on the run again. Little comforts like this were sometimes few and far between, and between him and her... well he's getting used to it. He thinks.

Soul doesn't say anything when he agrees to let her help clean his back, same with him for Maka's. The way their souls bounce back and forth feels both like a familiarity he can ease into and a distraction.

Maka chews more eagerly as the yolk starts to spill out, making Soul unable to help the smile taking over while it makes cramming his sandwich into his mouth a little tougher. There's a delight, the kind that comes from the small things in life, fluttering in his chest at the way her legs kick over the edge of the library's roof, and he has to admit that part of it's from how good this tastes since the last time he's had eggs. True to form, his hand cups under his chin as it's his yolk's turn to try and escape its tasty fate, much to the I told you so nudge he gets from her elbow.

Admittedly, for as hot as it was already this time of morning, the city below looked beautiful with the way the sun washed over it like a painting. Even better, it's the small things in their life together like the way she smiles and the food dripping from the corners of her cheeks and the shimmer in her eyes as she scoffs at how much he managed to get on his face too. It pulls him away again, though, the edges of the second set of teeth beneath his tongue and the hunger for something else even before his sandwich has run out. And true to form, he looks up to Maka again when her shoulder lightly bumps him, head tilting to meet his eyes and the wavelength he's holding back with loose fingers.

She can hear his arms slide further over his knees but not a peep more. After another deep breath of hesitation, Maka flips past the cover, starts grazing through each page of scrawled handwriting and messy doodles and repeated nightmares on loop, like a record stuck beneath its needle. Dreams and thoughts of axolotls and souls, and fires burning him up, and teeth grinning from the darkness that turn into his, and the suffocating reality as the writing gets harder to decipher as the pages continue on, sketches of sharp fangs starting to take up more space. Something in her heart feels heavy and brittle when all the little drawings she recognizes as herself are all surrounded by the deafening silence he smothered over his suffering.

Quietly, she shuts his journal. Soul hasn't moved in the slightest when she turns back to him. Doesn't even lift a glance for a moment until he hears the sniffle, guilt and something fiercely vulnerable glowing from the embers of his soul. A slow, steady breath in, and a weighted exhale out before he nods, letting Maka sit up to him, holding her arm around him as another stifled sob starts to break out. Bringing him in as close as possible when a shudder chokes out from his head leaning deeper into the crook of her neck.

A sigh as soft as silken sand brings him back to the gentle gaze of her smile, the tilt of her throat outlined by waves of her dull blonde hair, undone and flowing down to her collar, and earnest muscle of her arm, hardworking and strong even on the run. The skin of her palm feels rough beneath his thumbs, the back feeling deceptively soft for how toned it is. His breath remains steady as the scent of her flesh and blood presses ever so lightly up to his lips.

Soul's eyes close, soaking it in, wanting to memorize each note of the pulse beneath as hers, her song and life and soul literally in his hands as her wavelength waits like a gentle shore on a pleasant day in his memories. Very, very slowly, he brings his mouth over the space between her thumb and index finger, letting the sharp, sharp edges of all his teeth sit right against the skin he could easily pierce within seconds. But he doesn't. Her hand rests delicately between his jaws while his eyes steadily reunite with Maka, his partner, his greatest friend, and the absolute faith shining back at him that pricks at the corners of his sockets.

He brushes his tongue where the saliva pooled as he detaches, pausing at the thrum of contentment he either wasn't paying full attention to or had just begun to ripple from the interwoven threads of their connection. Soul then runs said tongue awkwardly over his mouth at how Maka leans to expose more of her neck, knitting her hand through his fingers, pulling them in with tugs of trust. Blowing a long breath through his mouth, almost in a whistle, he lets himself carry that feeling towards himself too, scooting up closer and closer until her breath tickles against the lulls of his smile.

Maka's fingers gently fit into the back of his hair before he reaches his head around to the side of her throat, hesitating, swallowing, then resting his lips against the pulse running through the calm and reassuring breaths of life sitting just beneath. Breath that holds as he loosens his mouth over them, fangs gaping right against the surface until he sucks in a little, a hand of his keeping steady over the other side while the scent, the trust, the strength she always gives him settles along the taste of her skin across his tongue. Dare he say he could actually feel comfortable with himself and the other set of teeth no longer a threat to her, until the way her fingertips swirl through his hair and the coarse sigh purring through her wavelength at the rough of his taste buds starts to stir up a different kind of hunger, one that... he hasn't allowed himself to think about, even before all this......

Hastily he licks away where he'd probably overstayed his welcome, however when Soul pulls away to assess her stare, a... calling? Something more gentle than a tug but more urgent than the usual prodding moves Maka's hand from around his head to slide over the warmth of his cheek, captivating all of his attention by just the simple motion of her thumb resting over the corner of his mouth, wanting to see his smile again. Leaving him in a trance when she sits back a little to slowly lie down, never pulling her gaze away even as she takes his other hand and fits it over her heart.

I'm not afraid of you. So don't be afraid of yourself.

It's just like her, so daring just to remind him that she's his partner no matter what as if he hadn't already literally followed her to the ends of the Earth. To trust himself, though...

The fingers over her heart interlock as Soul admires the way the light of their souls together paints her, maybe like an angel, but definitely like the strong, fearless person he always knows she is even if not a meister by name, even if he's still her weapon all the same; not a beast, not a demon, not any of that crap except for probably the most hopeless fool that just can't keep himself from grinning while he drapes his hair over Maka's forehead, pressing nose to nose.

I'm not afraid. And I don't want to be afraid of the way I feel about you anymore, if that's okay?

Oh he recognized the smell, alright: Meisters and weapons, at arms to hunt another witch, another monster, demon, Kishin. But he sure as hell didn't like it. Hated the way they all pointed their claws and bared their fangs at his partner, snarling at her as if they had the right to speak to her to begin with. Well he didn't have to like it, and he snarled right back – Bared his fangs, sharpened his claws, felt the burning, seething hatred ignite in his chest and stoke that glow into a full-blown beacon, coursing that pure, hot iron through the war drums of his veins just under his skin. And he let it all out.

Maka's heels remain firmly planted into the ground even as a raging burst of magic, like feathers, explodes out from Soul, the force of nature whirling around her until it quickly takes the form of a giant salamander floating above her, talons outstretched and several rows of sharp teeth hissing out at the frightened meisters who soon try to take aim at him. All too fast, the wind hurls him forward like an unyielding storm to blow them all away with just the end of his tail, giving them no time to recover from the distance gained as he flutters his feathery whiskers at Maka and swoops down to let her jump onto his mane, the gales then lifting them up to swiftly carry her away to the sky.

Onwards, under the cover of dusk, where the lingering sunset casts crimson embers throughout the fur of his slithering flight.

Pure exhaustion keeps his body sunken onto the floor of this abandoned train car, the chill starting to seep into his skin as it slowly reshapes back into the form of a person, the heavy lids of his eyes and hoarse, overworked breaths soon met by the frantic heat of fingers, her palms reaching for his chest, his face. He's okay, Maka reassures, and he believes it for as tired as he's turned now. It takes everything he has to try to sit up, and he's given everything in return with the immediate embrace that lifts him up into her arms where his ear rests against the still-racing adrenaline of her heart.

Soul likes the sound. It's okay if it goes a little slower.

A light laugh shakes him a bit, a sense of calm starting to find him again in the hum of something sweet easing up his wavelength and the stroke of fingernails running back and forth through his hair. It empowers him into sitting up on his own, even just a little, just to see her face again while the warmth of her palms holds his head upright, resting against his skin down from the glowing green eyes of an angel watching over him. No... the eyes of Maka, by no other name than the one he would and has followed to the ends of the Earth, even if they never find home.

It's... cliché, he chuckles, but it's true that... she is his home. He hopes that he's her home too. And what, did he think she would say he isn't? That all this time staring at him could possibly stop her from finally caving in and shoving her mouth onto his, which almost fully revitalizes him and invigorates him to bring his hands gripping back through her hair to pull them both further in. Now that's almost as messy as the instantaneous way Maka pushes him down (gently enough) onto the floor while they're already undoing each other's clothes, breathes fully ensconced in each other's throats until Soul quickly switches to breathing down her neck with his teeth, which she eagerly returns the favour for because while love bites, her love bites back harder.

#concept art #writing #soul eater #soul evans #maka albarn #soul x maka #cherrytober2024

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spicypepperflakesss · 7 months ago

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💚 Post-Route Muriel Headcanons | My Masterlist

He hated being the first one to text until he watched you fumbled a text in person

(A modern au headcanon!)

Muriel never liked to text when he needed someone for anything. Sometimes he needed them to ask a question or he needed an item for a project.

Sometimes he misses people and wants to text them first.

Even though it's limited to Asra, Inanna (yes she texts), Faust (and her too), Nadia, and you. Sometimes, very rarely, does he ever text Julian. Portia is not a problem, they have a meme relationship where they only text each other cat or gardening memes (very, very rarely)

But the moment he types out a text, he cringes. "How are you?" No. His thumb hovers over the backspace. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. It sounds too forward. "Wyd?" sounds rude. "I miss you." Hell no. He's reserved that for you. And that one time he accidentally sent that to Asra - the thought heats his cheeks with embarrassment. At least Asra was a good sport about it.

That changed when he saw you text. You wanted to reach out, to say hello, to say you missed them.

"No that sounds too simple." you say.

"Maybe try how are you, or a picture of something?" he says

"We're not close like that."

"Do you need to be close to say those things?"

"Well, it depends. I dunno! Maybe... Maybe I just have cold feet?"

Your fingers furiously tap your phone. Each sentence you write is never finished, obliterated by your thumb aggressively hammering the back space.

You give up. You drop your phone to your nose. A phone facepalm that masks the frustrated embarrassment rising to your cheeks.

When you're not watching, Muriel softens at you. You text just like him.

Or perhaps, does everyone struggle with this too?

He knows the feeling too well, so much that his heart might rip out of his chest to hug you tight. Poor you.

But that doesn't happen. Instead, he places a gentle hand on your back. His weight is a familiar comfort. You lean into his side, half-cuddling him.

"Maybe I just won't text for now." you sigh.

He frowns.

If that were him on the other line, he would want you to text him.

His face lights up, it dawns on him. Is this what it's like to be on the other line too?

Eventually, you figure it out. It wouldn't be for a few days that Muriel catches a glimpse of this when you left your phone open in the bathroom.

'Pssst. Long time no talk. Wanna hang? :3c ' you texted.

The exchange between you and this person is warm, even though it took a week for them to reply. They chirp back a hello, a meeting is made, and a distant friendship is rekindled.

Perhaps, he could have the same thing happen to him too?

Later, you borrow Muriel's phone to search something up. His 2015 android phone doesn't have anything besides the bare essentials, a browser, a stock phone video game, and a calculator. His contacts are labeled with the person's last name unless they are close to him

Suddenly, 'Devorak' pops up.

'Gotcha, wanna head out with me and Asra to pick it up?'

Muriel comes out of the bathroom.

"Hey, Julian's asking if you want to meet up with him and Asra for something?"

"Oh." he looks surprised. He didn't think Julian would reply, or even invite him for anything, "Yeah, sure. Tell him I'll go."

You bite back a smile. Muriel sees your attempt. He deadpans, betrayed by a small smile and pink cheeks. Don't tease. Just let him have this, just once.

And you do. You text Julian back as Muriel with your heart full. You can't help but feel happy for him.

Previous | Next || My Masterlist

#muriel kokhuri #the arcana #the arcana headcanons #the arcana muriel kohkuri #muriel headcanons #the arcana brainrot #muriel the arcana #the arcana hc #I can just see Muriel only sending memes to people he likes #i feel like muriel sucks at calling and there is no way it will end #muriel is ron swanson with a phone but he's young enough to be ok with it #texting problems #pepperflakesss #pepper-dots-muriel

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johankasas · 3 months ago

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I’m sorry if it was already asked by someone, but what materials do you use for your traditional art?

Heya!!

Okay this will be a bit of a longer reply since over the years I do art I've accumulated a lot of tools, but I'll try to write it in a "digestible" way under the cut.

1. Sketchbooks

I am an easy woman, I like sketchbooks that have a lot of pages, can handle multiple tools and doesn't cost me a fortune. So far the winner in this is Canson XL for mixed media.

2. Sketching

For my sketching and pencil doodles I use mechanical pencils in size 0.5 and 0.3 with HB lead, it's the easiest one to erase and it doesn't smudge, not any preference in a brand, just don't really use the light plastic ones since they tend to creak.

For erasing I use a combination of kneadable eraser and tombow mono eraser for more precise things.

3. Lining

tombow fudenosuke!!!!! Best marker ever, doesn't smudge under water nor alcohol markers and has flexible nib.

If you're not a fan of the flexible nib, my other go to are either liners from Uni-pin or microns

4. Coloring

For my marker pieces like this one :

I use the cheapest off-brand alcohol markers I bought in a big set on AliExpress. They're great for personal work but not that much if you're planning to display it anywhere, the color gets immediately eaten by sun

For my watercolor pieces like this

I now use white nights watercolors :]

The set of 36 to be exact and some random brushes I also accumulated over the years.

Before investing in white nights I used watercolors from Koh-i-noor, that looked like this :

And are much cheaper (in Czechia, dunno the prices out of the country)

For white highlights I use Sakura gelly roll pens. I tested out different brands too and these do their job the best.

5. Scrapbooking/ collage backgrounds

For backgrounds like this:

I accumulated over some time a lot of scrapbooking papers and stickers either from action or AliExpress, but also sometimes I use cut outs from magazines I get for free.

For precise cutting I use a precision craft knife, but before that I just used a box cutter knife, just don't press too hard.

Also a very good thing to get is a light pad, again AliExpress is your friend in this, and tbh before moving to the light pad, I used to shine my phone camera under the paper.

Makes the cutting muuuuuch easier.

And last but not the least

6. Taking photos of your art/ scanning

Phone camera + Snapseed is god tier combo for me, there are so many tutorials on YouTube how to edit the photos into full crispy quality.

But between my friend group it's well known that I am not very good at taking photos, so I scan most of my things.

Just a disclaimer that a good scanner is a very expensive thing ... But if you're willing to go through some loops, you can get a very neat CCD scanner from second hand for very cheap, sadly most of the time the cheap ones are very old and it took a lot of prayers and IT friend to set that thing up :DDD

So that's all I can think of right now, don't forget I got all these things over the years, and still I tend to draw or doodle with pretty cheap low quality things, since I believe that art can be made with everything... The more professional tools just tend to make things easier, but still it's better to test it out a bit before fully jumping into buying big expensive sets.

I wish a lot of luck with creating and don't be scared to experiment :3

#me žblptin #long post #art tips #jojka's creations #traditional art #i hope that my rambling is understadable-

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divinelolita · 1 year ago

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Can you do a fanfic of tom x male reader were reader is the older brother of Britney Spears but tom or the band doesn't know that and they go to an awards show (whatever there called) and Britney keeps hugging and clinging on to us and tom gets extremely jealous because he thinks there dateing so he glares at reader and ignores them wean ever we try to talk or get close to him. And Britney comes to visit reader as a surprise for ur birthday but can find us and goes to tom and ask "have you seen my brother?" I'll give you my left kidney if you write this

TOM KAULITZ X BROTHER OF BRITNEY SPEARS

this was definitely hard to write but I really liked the plot-sorry if my writing isn't good I'm better at bullet pointing lol

"How much longer 'til we are there?"

Georg asked Tom, lazily slung on one of the couches in the tour bus. Tom took a few seconds before responding.

"Uhh I dunno...ask Bill."

Georg rolled his eyes, muttering a small "Asshole.." under his breath before turning to Bill and asking the question. Tom didn't respond to Georg calling him names though, as his mind was already preoccupied. They were going to an awards show (bb idk what it's called either LMFAO) and Tom didn't know how to react. I mean sure, he was excited and hopeful but also scared shitless. I mean, BIG stars were going to be here and he hated to admit it, but would feel small near these stars.

His leg shook up and down as he played with his lip ring, moving it in small circles as he got slightly worked up about the thought of having to go to this whole show thing.

"Tom..? You alright?" He heard Bill's voice ask faintly, but his heart rate increased as he thought about how many people will be there. What if he somehow embarrasses himself there? What if something happens to the band? What if he gets lost? What if he..

"TOM." A punch on his shoulder almost made him jump, his head whipping up so quickly he almost got whiplash. He winced at the pain in his shoulder before apologizing to his brother.

"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm cool." He replied nonchalantly, although he was everything from it. When Bill raised a pierced eyebrow he continued. "Seriously, Bill. I'm fine." he gulped lowly, his palms becoming sweaty. "You're not scared about the show, right?" Georg asked from the couch, propping himself up on his shoulders. Before Tom could answer, Bill patted him firmly on the back "You got nothin' to worry about, silly. Everything is gonna be okay, yeah?" Somehow, his tone of voice brought Tom back to reality as he let out a sigh, smiling softly at the two band members. "Mhm. I know."

Before Bill could say something else, the bus came to a screeching halt, making Tom grimace due to the loud noise. "Alright, let's get moving, hm?" Jost said, opening up the door. Gustav came groggily out of the bathroom, having just woken up not even 20 minutes ago. "God man, I just got up.."

Bil giggled lightly, following Jost out the door "C'mon, 'lesgo!"

(AT THE AWARD THINGY MA-JIG 😋)

Tom shuffled, standing next to Gustav and Bill, Georg on the right of Gustav. His eyes scanned the crowd, trying to find a hot girl. Hey, if he has to stay here in this place full of people there has to be at least one hot chick, right? But his eyes scanned over somebody so beautiful, he had to do a double take. A gorgeous man with beautiful hair stood tall and confident, chatting with a blonde on his side. Tom's attention wasn't on her though, no, but on the boy.

The boy was.. exactly his type? I mean, he had been questioning if he was into men or not but always pushed it to the side, afraid of accepting himself. But looking at this boy made his stomach curl into knots and made his face slightly hotter than it was before.

Tom's fascination was cut short though, As he got to see the girls face more Cleary and saw it was none other than Britney. Britney Spears. His heart rate increased for the second time of the day as he noticed this. Britney was a fabulous, gorgeous girl. No wonder she was talking to this dude. He nipped his lip ring anxiously as he watched, to his horror, as she hugged the boy tightly and laid her head on his shoulder, laughing as he whispered something to her.

"Tom! Tom, are you even listening?!"

A pinch on his arm made him whimper in pain as he turned to Gustav, the blonde raising his eyebrows at him. "Huh? Sorry man... was'up?" Tom mumbled, his usual cherry and cocky self turned into a quiet, almost miserable boy as he replayed the memory of Britney wrapping her hands around the boy he had just seen. How has a stranger he never talked to made him feel this way?

"I was asking if you wanted to scout out some girls with Georg and me, yeah?" He asked, Georg smirking at Tom as he pointed in the direction of some pretty girls. "Seriously, the girls here are BEAUTIFUL, man!" Georg chortled, looking at Tom expecting a yes.

"Erm..No thanks. Not tonight.." Bill looked at Tom out of the corner of his eye. "... I'll go with you guys." Bill said quietly, smiling at the G's. They were surprised by both of the twin's answers, but nodded to Bill while smiling "Alright, let's go! Hey Tom, we are gonna be over there, kay?" A voice said, Tom not being able to make out who it was. All he could do was nod as he looked over at the boy again, Britney holding his hand and ruffling his hair. Tom felt pangs of jealously coursing through him, wishing that he could take the blonde's place. He watched how the boy smiled whenever Britney said something, or how he would laugh when Britney said something funny.

Tom's never felt like this before. He wanted to make this boy from heaven laugh, smile, and touch Tom's dreads. Although they were a good 50 feet apart, he could feel himself freeze as his blood went cold when the boy locked eyes with him. He could make out a faint smile and watched as the boys hand went to wave at him. He felt frozen in place as the boy walked over to him, still keeping that warm smile on his face. Tom felt the air leave his lungs as he properly saw how damn gorgeous he was. "Hey.. Your uh, Tom right? The guitarist from Tokio Hotel!" the boy spoke with a voice full of confidence. His voice was so beautiful Tom swore he could've heard angels singing in the background.

Tom let jealously get the best of him, as he found himself slightly glaring at the boy. He nodded slowly, muttering out a soft "Yes." although his nervousness made it seem more like a question. Even with his tone, the boy kept that dammed beautiful smile on. "Ah. My names M/N. It's nice to meet you!" Tom's eyes flickered back and forth between the boys two beautiful (colored) ones, feeling himself get more nervous and barley being able to keep upright. If he stayed here he knew he would die of nervousness.

"Oh.Erm.. I have to get back to my band." he grumbled out, trying to make himself seem confident but failing to do so. Tom's heart twisted as he saw the beautiful mans smile falter for a moment, before speaking in a slightly smaller voice. "Oh.. I'm sorry for keeping you up. See you around then, Tom." Tom hummed, almost falling on his heels as he darted to the band. As soon as he got there, a pretty brunette came up to him. "Hey.. I'm Abbi." *she said, smirking at him. He cleared his throat, not wanting his reputation to get ruined. "Oh? Is that so?" He held back a grimace as she threw herself on him, leaving light kisses on his jaw and neck.

His eyes stayed on one person though, and that was the boy. He felt really bad about just leaving him, but he really didn't know what else to do. He wanted to push this girl off him, go to the boy, and talk again. These thoughts left as quickly as they appeared as he saw the boy talk to Britney again, rubbing his arm. His stomach twisted as he detached his eyes from him quickly, trying to focus on the girl. But for some reason, it wasn't feeling good. It felt like a ghost lingered on his skin as she kissed him, feeling nothing but emptiness.

The girl picked her head up as someone called her name, another girl. She smiled, apologizing as she nipped Tom's neck one last time before going over to her friend. Tom groaned in relief but couldn't help but glance again at Britney and the mystery guy. What a mistake. She clung to his waist, head rested on his chest. He wanted to throw up as his chest curled and he felt jealously surge throughout his veins. Yes, this was going to be a longggg night.

Thirty minutes later, Tom found himself around a bar, his bandmates close to him. Georg burped rather loudly as he finished another bottle. " Alright Geo, that's your last." Bill scolded, taking away the empty bottle. "What do you mean? We are at a show!" Georg hissed, eyeing another bottle of beer. Gustav chuckled, patting Georg on the back "Georg, you're not even 21 yet. Relax, man." Georg grumbled as he laid back in his seat. "Tomi, go put this away for me, please?" Bill asked, smiling at his older brother. Tom rolled his eyes but took it. Stupid bar, why can't the employees go take the shit?

As he was going to put it back, out of the corner of his eye, he saw that dammed boy again. As he put the bottle on the counter, the man came beside him, smiling once more. He opened his mouth before Tom cleared his throat and walked away, leaving the boy confused and sad.

(when they announce Tokio Hotel wins cuz I'm not writing all that)

Tom felt like he had frozen, but was cut back to reality as everybody around them screamed and applauded. Bill brought Tom into a tight hug which Tom gave back, hugging his little brother like it was his last day on earth. Tom felt as if he was on cloud nine.

They went up to the stage, Bill being the singer holding the award. He gave s beautiful speech as he thanked everybody for the opportunity to receive this. Everybody applauded once again as all the band members hugged, feeling proud of themselves.

(like 20 minutes later idfk LOL)

Tom felt happy with himself as he leaned up against the wall talking to the band, two girls plastered near the G's. He had completely forgotten about the boy and was happy that way. They all laughed, having great conversation. Georg and Gustav were slightly drunk...okay maybe very drunk but that made it feel even better to be there and hang out with them. Bill only had one drink so although feeling fuzzy he was still fine. Tom felt that way too, as long as Bill was okay he was okay. He believed that for 18 years. 18 years he spent thinking that twin emotions were shared. That was shattered as he saw Britney approach him, looking all around her as she called out someone's name, the band and music being too loud for Tom to hear. When she came closer he felt his heart drop, eyes squinting at her slightly as he still felt mad and jealous about the boy. God dammit, now he was thinking of the boy again!

The rest of the band fixed their posture, looking at her with admiration and a little bit of something else. She was drop dead gorgeous, so Tom understood wh they looked at her dumbfounded. He glared at her, raising an eyebrow. "Hello! I just wanted to say congrats on winning the ____ Award! You guys deserved it!" She smiled happily, making the G's flustered. Before anybody else could say anything, She turned back to Tom, his eyes filled with jealously. "I was just wondering if you knew where my brother, M/N, was.. It's his birthday and I wanted to do something for him." Tom felt himself freeze as his eyes widened, jaw dropping slightly. "M-M/N...?" He asked weakly, not being able to process what he just heard. She smiled softly at him, nodding "Yeah! The boy you talked to earlier. The one with (colored) hair?"

I MIGHTMAKE A PART TWO LATER IT'S MIDNIGHT AND I'M TIRED AF LMAO

#tokio hotel x reader #tokio hotel x male reader #tokio hotel x you #tom kaulitz x male reader #tom kaulitz x you #tom kaulitz x y/n #tom kaulitz x reader #tom kaulitz #male reader #x male reader #x male y/n

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ddlcbrainrot · 7 months ago

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Alright, I need to speak to SOMEONE with more of a vast understanding of characterization than me and considering well you can piece it together why I'm saying this to you specifically there's just a little bit of signs that point to you liking DDLC I dunno Anyhow but I got into ddlc about a month ago? I think I don't really remember, could've been a month and a half but from what I've seen, the wiser fandom belief is that Monika in no way feels any real romantic attraction to the player, and is just feeling like they are due to their desire and need to be real or that she's faking her attraction but, that doesn't exactly make sense to me, yknow? because in partial matters, the reason she starts doing what she does in the events of ddlc is because she wasn't given a romance route, so that points to her, in fact, craving romantic attention but being guarded off by the fact that the game literally doesn't have a route for her so even if by the end of the game she doesn't hold that sentiment, she did start it all because she wanted to be loved which by the end of the game? I still don't think it's just a masked desire to be real, sure, that can be present, but I don't think it's the singular thing that's on her mind and whilst the idea of her love being just the desire to be real, does make a lot of sense to be honest I really don't like it being the only thing, yknow? because to her at least, she does love the player, and I don't think the desire to be real would make sense for her actions after you delete her because post deletion she does outwardly reset everything so that you can be happy with the literature club and that doesn't make sense to me if she's just craving to be real, yknow? it can be a combo of wanting to be real and loving the player, but just wanting to be real alone doesn't explain why she chooses to set back the literature club and as well as the post-deletion-full-deletion I feel like people see her as being way more emotionally distant than she is I mean, place yourself as the only "real" one in a scenario, unable to achieve what could be your only lifeline to be real you'd do the same, right? but when she deletes the club it's because of Sayori getting admin permissions due to being head of the club, and Monika seeing herself doing all she did, going again deleting the club out of a mercy because, fairly, there's no happy endings in it I think that's it I write out alot, so yknow but yeah! those are all my thoughts seeya!

i feel like calling my takes "a more vast understanding of characterisation" gives them wayyy more credit than they should lol

in my experience, the fandom is kind of split between "monika did not love the player at all" and "monika did everything for the player and no other reason". which seems to be kind of a pattern when it comes to monika's character, shes either a complete monster or she did nothing wrong, she either loves the player or doesn't, she either cares deeply for the girls or she never cared at all. shes kind of always either one end of the spectrum or the other. and personally i think trying to fit her in such black and white categories really limit what you can do with her character.

my take on the whole "does monika actually love the player?" is yeah she definitely thinks she does, and maybe she does truly as well, but also it's way more complicated.

anyway, ive spent a lot of time questioning if monika's love for the player is real and the conclusion ive reached is that i don't think I'll ever be 100% sure if its not or if it is, simply because i dont think monika herself knows. she definitely truly believes its love, the main question is can we take her belief of it at face value?

Actually @beddhead-red and I had a convo about this a whileee back in the comments of this post so id suggest looking through that as well if you want a more detailed response

#asks #ddlc #ddlc monika #character stuff

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joltai-showa · 17 days ago

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fic notes, From Queen to a Pawn, chapter 8 edition!

I dunno where did the entire day go lmao, I swear to god I blinked and it was already middle of the night, but I did went to check out a major research innovation laboratories cluster which was pretty fun, really fascinating what is being developed for prosthetics field. Couldn't join the work dinner with the others cuz I wanted to decorate my flat for New Year + had to cook some stuff before it all went bad, which is where my evening magically vanished lol. The tree did come out pretty cute, so I'm pretty satisfied.

Anyway, yapping about life stuff is over, let's get back to your guys' favorite yapping topic: Obito's suffering😘

(yes that's what he looks like in "Eclipse" ahaha)

- chapter's title: obviously, "Eclipse" refers to a natural phenomena that occurs whenever the moon blocks the sun's light from the Earth's point of view by being directly in the way between the sun and the planet

- and by this point I think it should be pretty obvious that this chapter is explicitly tied to the name of the entire series: "Body and Soul, Sun and Moon"

- I have seen certain interpretations of this title as Deidara being the Sun and Obito being the Moon, however, as you might have guessed, this is incorrect. "Body and Soul" is the part that refers to Obito. Maybe one day I'll write down exactly why is that in greater detail, but for now the only thing that is important is: Obito's trauma regarding losing half of his body, looking like a chewtoy for a bobcat, the reality being hell, him physically being stuck in it, while what he really wants and dreams of is the illusion. I don't think that I currently do a very good job of working the with whole "Soul" thing at this point in the series, mostly because "Mind" is more appropriate rn. Oh well

- but back to "Sun and Moon": yes, Deidara is indeed the Sun in the title, but the Moon refers to none other than Rin. No matter how passionately I hate canonic Obirin, one can not attempt to write Obito inside the canon universe without his love/obsession with Rin

- Kishimoto really managed to outdo himself with these two, because not only is Rin not a character (a cardboard cutout has a more consistent character traits than whatever the fuck she is), but also managed to make Obito both a terrible human being and a character. And these are two different things on Kishimoto's part: obviously, being the leader of Akatsuki and the mastermind behind like 80% of the shit going down in modern Naruto history, adult Obito that we meet in the story is an abhorrent man that is directly and indirectly responsible for countless horrific crimes and no amount of flashbacks to "uwu cutie patootie boi who dreamet of bekoming a hOkAgi❤️❤️❤️❤️" can ever excuse and explain that piece of dogshit that was supposed to be his "redemption arc". Seriously, the only thing that this man makes me feel in canon whenever I see him getting fucked over during the finale of Fourth Shinobi World War is "awww, you're having a bad day?🥺 I hope it gets worse!😊🙏 I hope you'll suffer far more than all of your victims combined🥳🥳"

- but that obviously only touches on Obito as a man, not as a character, and, surprisingly, even after giving him a full-blown flashback stretch of several chapters, him being the main villain for the series for like 250 (?) chapters out of the total 700 and getting "redemption arc"... Kishimoto still did not manage to produce anything coherent or even decent. I still wanna write down an extensive post regarding all of the issues canon Obito has, but for now I'll just say that he as a character is just terrible, mostly because his motivations are so fucking bad. Kishimoto didn't want to bother giving him anything beyond "I feel nothing"/"World is hell" + he literally phisycally couldn't as anything darker than the Rin death scene massacre would raise serious questions from the readers about why THE FUCK is this guy of all assholes is getting such a lazy "redemption arc", so at the end of the day Obito's motivations fall onto 2848927484 phrases on the level of iam14andthisisdeep about the state of the world and his love for a character whose defining feature in the plot is being Obito's love intrest🙂awesome stuff Kishi

- anyway, as I've mentioned here and there, as far as BSSM au is concerned, I will be changing both Obito's and Rin's characters. With Obito it's kinda already there and just me doing what I believe to be realistic about a man as bitter and traumatised as him. Also getting rid of the whole "I feel nothing" thing, because this is just Kishi's lazy writing to not deal with any of the things concerning Obito's relations with other people from that 17 YEARS LONG PERIOD OF HIS LIFE, so he's just gonna be yapping about feeling nothing, which is exactly what he wants to be (of his own volition + what Madara and Zetsus want of him). Rin being dead is a bit harder to show (LMAO), but I have some stuff in mind to give some meat to the skeleton of this character, so to speak.

- Rin and Girldara are two of Obito's crushes and, in a sense, roads with different outcomes. In the beginning (which is where we are now) they are also desires of Obito's soul and Obito's body respectively. I'm planning on having him excuse his attraction to his Akatsuki partner as "it's just physical urges, it doesn't matter, she's just something from this world, all of this belongs to this world, and it'll all be gone when the ideal world comes"

- Rin, in my opinion, has a lot of imagery assosiated with the moon as far as canon concerned. Not only does she die under the full moon, she is also Obito's ultimate goal at the end of this wonderful thing called "Eye of the Moon". I believe that even the 14 opening (Tsuki no Ookisa) of Shippuden directly shows her dead body's connection to the full moon. So, making her the "Moon" in the title was pretty obvious move.

- Deidara, on the other hand, is just a little sun bunny😙that's simply off the way she looks: lively, loud, hair bright as sunlight (regardless of the horrors of her past and current life💀). I wasn't planning on getting rid of the whole Rin thing, so it was pretty natural to kind of put them on the opposite sides as Sun and Moon

- also I find it incredibly funny that the name of the organization that both Deidara and Obito belong to is the... "Dawn" (yes, that's the translation of "Akatsuki" as it is written in the manga. The sounds in the word can be separated into "Aka Tsuki" which means "Red Moon", but this is moreso a coincidence and a pun on Kishimoto's part). Which is. You know. When the time rolls over from the night with the moon and onto the day with the sun😁

- anyway ENOUGH YAPPING ABOUT THE TITLE GODDAMMIT. and yes "Eclipse" refers to that scene when Obito starts seeing Rin as he holds passed out Deidara, as the Moon kind of got in the way of the Sun

- "Gritting his teeth tighter, Obito repeatedly attempts to locate Zetsu, no doubt in his mind regarding the thing's intentions."

The entire first half (?) of the chapter Obito is trying to find Zetsu spying on them... and Zetsu isn't even present😁😁😁😁 Yes, as the omnipotent entity of the writer as I am, I confirm right now that no cacti or weird shadows of a miserable Uchiha man followed our livebirds in this chapter. Obito's paranoia regarding that will be adressed in later chapters, maybe even in the next one, but he is playing a carefully for no one, because Zetsu isn't there and Deidara has bigger issues on her mind

- that doesn't mean that Zetsus didn't have a plan in motion for these events🤭it's just that they didn't need to be present and risk being discovered to get a confirmation of their suspictions😁😁😁😁again, stuff for later chapters

- oh and one last thing about Zetsu before we continue with the chapter: I've already been dropping mentions of Deidara's left arm festering back in chapters 6 and 7

from "Dead or a lie":

from "Unexpected discoveries":

now as for whether Zetsu knew that it wasn't Deidara's severed right arm on the ground that was rotting, but rather her left elbow is an open-ended question😁

- and yeah regarding her wounds: in the manga Deidara kind of immediately loses everything below his upper arm, meaning no hand and elbow

(chapter 249)

I slightly changed her wounds in the fic to accomodate the... necessity for something to get amputated🙂 so in FQTP Deidara loses only her hand, the elbow rots away due to infection, and in the end she ends up with the same scars as her canon counterpart, meaning Kakuzu's threads going midway through her upper arm

- and yeah Kishi you wanna explain why the fuck Deidara just doesn't fucking die in the beginning of Shippuden? jesus fucking christ, got his arm crushed by Gaara's sand (pretty sure not sterile), whatever the fuck remained was hanging there with the remains of the cloak (surely not sterile), then he yoinks Gaara from the village, walks on foot from Suna to the hideout in another fucking country (????WHY WON'T YOU FLY DUMBASS), seals Shukaku for THREE FUCKING DAYS before yoinking Gaara again and fighting Konoha, but now with NO ARMS at all. A ninjutsu specialist and a ranged fighter btw. And then he goes on a stroll around the forest looking for his arm. WHAT IS ACTUALLY WRONG WITH YOU???? CAN YOU CHILL FOR FIVE FUCKING SECONDS???? OMFG DUDE'LL HAVE A NUKE DROPPED ON HIS HEAD AND SURVIVE AT THIS POINT

- ahem. so. yeah. Deidara almost dying from infection? my attempt at trying to tone down that black air force energy that Kishi created for this character in the Kazekage Rescue arc, because some things are simply too absurd

- I posted about this on here about certain research I was conducting for this chapter and yeah that was about Deidara's condition. What has happened to her left arm is commonly known as wet gangrene and myiasis (that's the scientific name for getting maggots😘😘😘😘😘). Surprisingly there's actually maggot therapy for different gangrenic wounds because the larva of certain species of flies will actually eat only the dead tissue, leaving the living tissue unaffected. That still involves putting maggots in your wounds though

- really don't recommend googling either of these conditions unless you want to see people with blackened parts of bodies and tiny white insect larvae inside someone's wound🙂

- anyway the gangrene stuff has been planned in advance, but I was not sure about the maggot part, so I checked and yes, the most common way to get it is to have an open wound in some very hot and humid climate. I'm too lazy to pull the Naruto World map for this post, so you'll need to open the pinned post on this blog if you don't know the general stuff about it, but based of the most extreme climatic points for it (with something like Land of Snow in the north and Land of Wind with its desert in the south), I think it's fair to interpret Naruto world as somewhat Northern Hemisphere situated? if that makes sense. meaning that Land of Rivers being next to Land of Wind is pretty hot and humid (there's literally a long ass river in canon by Akatsuki's hideout + also Deidara sits in some fucking cave for 3 days straight), sooooo... yeah, who would have seen this coming *gasp*

- and one last funny fact about my life: so I posted this chapter on Friday, and following Tuesday I had my regular Chinese classes, and our study group has like an absolutely insane range of girls from different profession, because somehow we've got me the data scientist, a girl who is currently studying back at uni that I just finished, but for something like a business degree, a lawyer girl, a girl working in agriculture and a nuclear engineer of all people, but most importantly a girl who is studying to be a doctor and already works as a nurse (which translates to "she is the same age as me but to get her degree she has to study like another 5 more years"). And as usual midway through the Chinese class we start chatting about normal girl things like SEWING BACK SEVERED LIMBS. And she actually said that the limit for a severed arm to be reattached is just 6 hours, after this it is considered infected and dead

- for reference I believe I've set the time between Deidara and her right arm's departure to be about 24 hours lmao. so realistically she should not be getting this arm back either. but realistically she should have also died from shock back in Suna, so some of the realism is thrown out of the window to accomodate Naruto world's batshit crazy stuff. let's just say her right arm is alright thanks to some weird DNA changes thanks to being an active chakra user and a descendant of a major shinobi clan😁I mean the arm was lying there for just a day, it's not as bad a walking around an open wound for almost a week🙂

- also I was pretty spot on with most of Deidara's symptomps even before finishing the research, except for one thing and that is pain actually going away after the infection kills the nerves in the limb. so in the released chapter she doesn't feel anything in it (and now it's just the rest of her body screaming in pain because low on chakra + got beaten up + didn't eat or drink for days + the whole blood loss thing, so she is practically getting a first row experience into what is it like to have all of your organs shut down), but in the plan that I did for this chapter Deidara actually still felt some pain in her arm, so Tobi asks her to rate her current pain on scale from one to ten and Deidara says something like three. Obito is kind of relieved but still sus of her condition then asks how did it feel to have her arm ripped away and then this dunderhead replies with four or five and Obito just goes

😁fun stuff that didn't make it to the final version

- now onto "hey, that happened before and caused this!" part of the notes: so why the fuck Deidara's condition deteriorates so quickly after an entire day of strolling around and hiding in the bushes from possible ambushes? well, the answer is: the strangulation scene!

- I imagined that she's already pretty low on energy by the time she finds Tobi and Zetsu, but she keeps herself stable by simply conserving her energy at any opportunity. However, certain someone's yapping pissed her off so badly she does a very stupid thing and attacks them. This entire physical exertion moment is what kicks off what follows in this chapter. I believe that I even mentioned that she is struggling to stand up after trying to kill Tobi. so, er, thanks, Obito?

- and now she is simply on a clock before she'll pass out in forest because ain't no way she is making it to Ame in that condition

- another major downwards turn happenes when Deidara starts vomiting and falls over, no longer able to walk: if you notice, she actually just seconds before that rapidly turned around two times, angry that Tobi is trying to stop her from walking to Ame, but accidentally going the wrong way. She was already feeling pretty sick, and this movement is the final nail in the coffin for her poor empty stomach. so, er, thanks, Obito?

- His much wider gait allows him to quickly close the gap between him and the Akatsuki member, however Tobi never allows the distance to fall below some respectable ten or so meters

I actually mention through this walk how the distance changes between the two of them, Obito is thinking about his 927482838 things, while he is actually getting closer and closer to Deidara, first it's 10 meters, then it's 7, then 4, until he catches up to her, but not because Deidara wanted to slow down

- As the branch that Deidara previously avoided hits Obito in the chest and finally breaks in half

just me having fun with their height difference😁Deidara is at best Obito's chin level, so this is a thing that could happen

- I explained it quite a bit in the comments under the chapter, but there's a number of factors going for Obito not realizing what is wrong with Deidara: his paranoia about Zetsu, his dick still wanting some explanation to the events in "Hell", him losing touch with understanding the processes of human body because he has been that isolated from others for years, him assuming Akatsuki members won't die to some wounds and his assumption that Sasori did something about Deidara's left arm

- Besides, even with her current wounds, she has been trained by Iwagakure, so she would have a higher resistance to low-level and medium-level genjutsu

I'm trying to balance here what is known and unknown about Deidara's past, and I think it should be a common knowledge that Iwagakure has some special training in place against genjutsu (considering how broken they are), and Deidara, being Tsuchikage's student, would have to go through it, if not something tougher🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

- "Stop being so fucking daft and turn away already!" Deidara switches between passive irritation and angry outburst as quickly as her artworks go up in smoke."

So, in regards to Deidara's current mood: she is pissed at Tobi for watching her at her weakest. Like, wanna murder and bury your body right here pissed, but doesn't have enough strength to do it for the fear it'll make her feel worse. As far as Iwa's modern (I guess Mu and Onoki originated?) philosophy is that weakness is unacceptable under any circumstances. Showing weakness is crushing your pride, showing weakness is showing your worthlessness, and this cult of pride is being instilled in shinobi kids since young age. Not that people in Iwa don't naturally think very high of themselves

- "Obito's ears certainly felt hot even before Deidara started to sigh and cough while she continued to satisfy her urge somewhere at his hand level."

And another thing that I made a point to include in the first half of the chapter that goes away in the second with Deidara's quick descent into the afterlife - Obito's paranoia about Zetsu watching him and Obito's horny at the smallest things involving her, such as her drinking water. After our babygirl throws up, Obito doesn't think of the double trouble again for the remainder of this chapter.

Not only that, but Obito actually gets to undress and touch her body which would have awakened a rabid wild hog in him previously. I've actually changed Deidara's clothing a bit in the fic (all the way back in LTFG)

☝️exhibit of Deidara's clothing underneath Akatsuki cloak

to be completely honest I kind of disliked his top half of the design for years at this point. The color of the top is omega ugly and doesn't look good on him, and while practically everyone wears some mesh thingy in the manga, I can not concieve a practical reason for that. Either that's just pretty clothing (which is... why would an Akatsuki member wear something that doesn't help in combat?) or it's supposed to be some sort of body armor, but a) doesn't look to be that sturdy + Deidara rips it off his chest with ease b) it would just add weight to a ranged fighter who would, you know, rather avoid an attack on the vital organs rather than get hit and try to protect him with something.

So Girldara actually wears just a simple black top on her upper torso, no mesh or anything. Here's a photo of how I approximately imagine it looks:

Simple, doesn't restrain movement, comfy, all of which would have been pretty important for a nukenin like her. The cloaks, I think, would be enough to protect against the weather and temperature, so there's no need for her to dress anything beyond the pants, her belt bags and a top.

(and if you are wondering if she wears bra beneath it, well... I would say that no?🤣 ahahhahahaha. It would kind of get in the way and she isn't "endowed" enough to have to wear one to support her back🤣 but let's allow Obito to discover this fun little fact)

- "The eyelashes on her only visible eye shake as she gazes at Tobi in a stupor-like state, he is not even sure if she understands who he is at the moment."

an unexpected complaint, yeah, but I keep forgetting that Deidara's left eye is covered with a scope, so Obito can't actually see her eyes plural. I do remember that Obito has only one eye, but Google docs keep trying to fix both Deidara's eye and Obito's eye to plural🙄🙄🙄

also I often forget which side of Zetsu is which. Because Obito's left eye is gone, while Deidara's left one is covered by hair/scope, I constantly think that Black is the left half, when in reality it's the opposite💀💀💀💀

- "But Tobi thinks it looks okay! For a... well... limited edition limb. Sorry! Tobi's sorry! Please don't hit me, I'm just saying whatever comes to my mind!" Deidara simply makes an irritated grunt in reply, keeping her eyes closed."

If you haven't noticed, throught the entire "examination" Deidara keeps her eyes closed. She is trying to get back to her senses. But in the process she stops expecting seeing Tobi prancing around her, so when she does open her eyes, it's hard for her to focus and see things around her, her vision is getting blurry, and because she can't see clearly (and well whatever is on her mind) she freaks out

- a mild spoiler but what causes her to freak out is the color of Obito's mask. Certain someone from her past used to wear something orange and that set her off.

- I actually got around to designing this someone and I think I did a pretty good job getting them from my mind out onto the 3D model! Obviously, not showing it right now, but just keeping updated that some characters are already in the process of being developed

- okay but something actually drove me fucking nuts with the whole examination scene. so I finish writing Obito looking over her right arm, deciding that it looks okay enough and choosing to put something around it to prevent her from bleeding out later and kind of decreasing the necessity of her keeping up the chakra blocks, right? so I go open the dictionary for the word describing that thing to put around her arm and what I find is

tourniquet????

this feels like a fake word. like somebody made it up and placed it in the dictionary for funsies. why the fuck is it like that?

so I send it to my friends and ask them if it actually exist and describes the thing that I am trying to explain and they collectively reply that yeah, that's the word, sounds super fake, doesn't it?

anyway the executive decision for this chapter was to use the word "strap" because it does sound more sensible and appropriate for the context. yeah, "strap" also refers to a specific... device that a girl would wear with her freaky boyfriend (and I can't say that I haven't entertained such a scenario with Obito's bisexual ass, but anyway). in any case I would rather use the funny word rather than that one, because that feels like French propaganda that I'm not about to fall for.

- "Dumbass... a real shinobi knows how to take pain... with head held high..." Deidara interrupts Tobi's unserious musings with her croaking. "You're... worthless... if you can't handle pain..."

huh I wonder who could have told Deidara that🤭

- "No, sorry, not happening. I've got only one scarf, after all, and you've got a bunch of those cloaks that you guys don't even wanna share with Tobi. And it's Tobi's favorite too!"

This was me just messing around lmao. Tobi's and Obito's sentiments practically never coincide, but in this instance Tobi does say the truth and Obito actually values his ✨scarf✨ like a petty bitch lol

- also I believe that as chapter progresses I've been changing Tobi's speech pattern in "serious" situations, particularly by getting rid of the third person name calling (Tobi thinks/Tobi wants/Tobi can't) which actually sounds more natural in Japanese because it's not uncommon for someone to refer to themselves in third person in certain circumstances. Obito uses only "I" whenever shit starts hitting the fan

- "It was always him assuming that Pain and his people would act reasonably"

If you remember the description of the fic, the main thing around From Queen to a Pawn is Obito finally deciding to leave the shadows and join Akatsuki as their member, Tobi. This moment in particular refers to some of the biggest issues that Obito has ran into during this mission - all of Akatsuki members belonging to a suicide watch and caring only for their personal bullshit, even if that said bullshit will result in them or their fellow Akatsuki members getting killed😁so Obito will set out to watch everyone in the open and correct their movements so that Eye of the Moon doesn't end before even starting

- "Deidara's speech now sounds like an endless mess of slurred noises somewhat resembling human speech. Obito is unsure if it is becoming harder to understand her because of the Iwa accent suddenly returning to her or simply due to her tongue not following her brain's commands anymore."

I am a big fan of the whole "Five Great Shinobi nations actually don't speak the same way" idea. I would definetily say that Iwa, Suna and Kiri certainly should have civilians speaking different languages than the "common" one, which affects their speech a lot, so you can kind of guess where a shinobi is from based on the type and strength of their accent. Obito got rid of his years ago (plus I would say that Konoha's accent is by far the closest one to the "common" language of the continent), because it gets in the way whenever he must impersonate someone, he actually learned how to imitate most shinobi accents on the go. Deidara used to have Iwa one and a pretty strong one at that, but she had spent half of her life away from her homeland, so she practically never shows it. I'd say most of Akatsuki members end up losing their hyper specific accent after a few years, so their speech is pretty close to each other's.

- "I wasn't late, I am not late, I can not be late, she survived, she survived even when all believed her to be a goner, she can't die now, not like this."

One of the main ideas that I had coming into this fic is to parallel Rin's death with Deidara's aftermath of the Kazekage capture mission. Obviously, Obito was too late to arrive to save Rin, and when he goes off to find Deidara, he eventually starts succumbing to despair and assuming her to be dead as well. Obviously, she proves him wrong, and so he gets this childish and hopeful idea that everything is going to be alright, because he was not late this time. Of course, nothing is fine, as Deidara is about to die in the middle of the forest from an untreated gangrene, so Obito gets a choice: to follow Madara's (Deidara is a disposable tool ultimately not really important for the plan) and Tobi's (incompetent idiot that won't be able to do anything for Deidara regardless of how hard he tries) role or to follow what Uchiha Obito set out to do 16 years before the current events and failed at (saving the girl of his interest from a certain death). Well, you know how the rest of the chapter goes, but it is one of the first steps that Obito takes in Deidara's direction😁

- "Hey, hey, hey, Deidara-san, I'm bored. Like, sooooo bored. Can we sing a song? I know one about nine cute ducklings and a scary crow!"

I was writing that particular part during my flight after IELTS, so I couldn't google any real kids' rhythems, thus I simply ended up making up something on the go. The nine cute ducklings are supposed to be the Akatsuki members, while Obito is the scary crow lmao

- "Tobi twirls in place as he jumps onto a clearing with no grass, likely burnt down by a forest fire in the past summer, the earth beneath his feet dry and chunky, as he almost collides with charred tree stump."

The choice for "Obito tweaking the fuck out" scene was to contrast Rin's death scene. Obviously, Deidara finds Zetsu and Tobi in the middle of the day, so she passes out under the sunlight, while Rin died in the middle of the night with full moon present. But besides the whole Sun and Moon thing, I've also decided to contrast "dry" and "wet" qualities of both scenes. Obito is sitting on a burnt down clearing, the earth there is cracked and dry, sun is burning as they are in hot climate, compared to the massacre that Obito commited back then, with everything ending up wet and covered in blood.

- "The edges of his vision are trembling as Obito slowly lowers his face to finally take a look at who (not what, not what, not what) he was holding."

Another thing that I did for this scene - Deidara is no longer referred to by her name, only "she" all the way until, I believe, Obito makes the decision to try and save her with Kamui. This is to amplify that feeling of Obito no longer being able to tell apart who he is holding, because again he is having his wonderful PTSD attack

- "Obito keeps supporting the girl's back with his left arm while he is trying to tighten the makeshift strap above the now bleeding wound."

Again, I was writing this part during the plane ride, so I couldn't check the manga, but later as I was editing the chapter, I realized that I accidentaly did some very funny contrast between this scene and Rin's death.

So, what happens is Obito picks Deidara up with her right side pressed against him, meaning that for the rest of the chapter Obito is holding her back with his left arm, Deidara is supported by his still fully human part of the body

Meanwhile if we compare it to Rin's death

It's actually the opposite

Obito is holding Rin with his right arm, the one that was destroyed and replaced by Madara

- "A few seconds later a strong trembling overtakes her entire body, something moves in her throat and blood begins to leak from her mouth too, painting the left corner of it red."

Also an intended simularity

- "If he glances to the right, he can see silhouettes of newborn trees, their bark shining pearly white in the impenetrable darkness of the night, bearing their first fruits clad in blue-gray uniform and masks, the air heavy and moist from the bloodshed in it. And if he glances to the left, thick forest dances in the bright rays of sun, creating a somber melody for the burnt down clearing, empty and dead and so damn cold."

Again with the whole right and left thing - to Obito's right it's his massacre of the Blood Mist ninja, while on his left what is actually taking place

- "But no matter where he looks, one thing remains the same: a body of a girl in his arms, her face covered in blood, thin streaks of it running down from her mouth, pale and unmoving, but with a bizarrely serene expression on her face, as if at long last she is at absolute peace."

This paragraph can refer to both Rin and Deidara, it's specifically vague like that

- "Where the moon doesn't reflect off of her blood-soaked brown hair.

Where the sun doesn't make her long messy bangs shine like gold against the paleness of her skin."

That's as close to Sun and Moon analogy as I could get lmao

Aaaand that's about it for this chapter? Most of the remaining stuff is self-explanatory in my opinion lmao. Now onto finishing "Obito's no-good terrible bad day"🤭

#naruto #jolt showa's fanfiction #jolt showa's obidei #jolt showa's ramblings

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smhalltheurlsaretaken · 1 month ago

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Hey there—this is completely spontaneous on my part, but I just saw your post from a few hours ago about how good the SW fandom used to be, and, dunno, I just wanted to say that I appreciate you. Your SW analyses were always so interesting to me, especially when you got into a debate with someone, because of how you backed your arguments up with evidence. I wish I could write rhetoric like you do. Anyways, you're especially cool to me because you're French and I've got French citizenship from my mom (though I grew up in the States), and despite not being Jewish, you've been really, really kind to us. So thanks for everything—the lengthy, passionate, convincing SW posts that got me through the pandemic, the interesting religious takes (I vaguely remember you going off on someone who said that religion was irrelevant in the modern world, arguing about the impossible-to-understate role it has had in the history of humanity, including in the present day—which, to a history and IR fan who'd gotten used to the sight of anti-religious takes because it was rebellious and trendy and cute, was like a breath of fresh air), and even now, your words since October 7th. I don't know if I ever reblogged or even liked a post of yours, I'm more likely to take a screenshot and put it in a folder on my desktop, but I just wanted to let you know of the impact that you've had in my life. 💛

Awww, it's so cool to find out about people who liked my stuff even if they never said! Idk how to explain why it makes me so happy but it's like it adds more to the whole experience as I look back, it's one more piece of the full picture that I'll never have. Like finding a new detail in a familiar setting and going 'oh! that was there all along? :D'

What was it about my SW stuff that you liked? the constant ranting and raving about the Jedi or the fawning over Obi-Wan? xD (And yes, yes I *did* get into a row with antitheists because I vented about being frustrated with Richard Dawkins' worldview lol. I don't think it really went anywhere.)

I'm glad reading my posts was ever comforting to you. I constantly want to be saying more since October 7th, but I really think using the internet as a battleground would be spectacularly unwise in my case. I've always tried to only argue my opinions from a position of complete confidence and thorough knowledge of all the facts, and that's a lot easier to do with a nerdy fictional universe that's contained to easily accessible media vs complex current global events. I can be stubborn and arrogant and I always want to be right, so in order to not get sucked into propagating self-righteous misinformation and turning into exactly the type of ignorant know-it-all who'd preach to others about geopolitics they learned yesterday on twitter, I preferred to step back.

That said, there is one thing I can and always will say with utter confidence and full knowledge that it's right: the worldwide spike in antisemitism and the horrifying abuse all Jews have been subjected to for over a year both irl and online is appalling and must be called out. The Jewish people are very close to my heart because of my family history, my upbringing and my personal faith in God and my saviour. So from one ~vaguely Jewish~ Frenchie to a vaguely French Jewish person, שׁלום and salut! 💙

Also, telling me you've taken screenshots???? of my posts???? to SAVE THEM???? ON YOUR COMPUTER????? is genuinely one of the highest compliments you could ever give me wow thank youuuuu. I hope you can still have fun going back to them from time to time 😄

#ask #tell me if you want me to delete/private this

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ink-flavored · 4 months ago

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❤️️ ❤️️ ❤️️ ❤️️ ❤️️ 👀👀👀

ooOOooo five hearts, i guess i'll ramble about 5 different WIPs!!

❤️️ part 1: Pride & Justice

I've been stewing Lust's backstory in my mind for a while, I want to make it a character intro at some point. Same thing with Honesty, but I'm having a harder time with Lust's because like... I want to make sure it's a well-rounded character so I don't trip into all the various pitfalls having an antagonist who represents the concept of lust brings. It's abusive and shitty, but I want it to be clear that it's choosing to be this way—and it was also taught to be this shitty through circumstance and its own trauma, just like how Pride was. I also think doing a full backstory will help me write it better, I'll know what I'm doing with it's character better than I currently do. I've also decided we're going to meet Chris (from the book club) before Lust, so my first it/its character isn't the evil one.

❤️️ part 2: Tales from Athendrolyn

November is coming up, so I'm VERY excited to do my little Anthology Blast plan!!! I've been especially excited to write the little gargoyle adoption prompt—I haven't had the idea as long as some of the other prompts, but ever since I came up with it, I've been obsessed. I know I want to have multiple volumes of my anthologies so I can just keep coming up with prompts forever, and I may end up bringing this gargoyle-carving character back at some point. I love her.

❤️️ part 3: Athendrolyn After Dark

One of the prompts (not one of the ones I'll write in November, but still) is about a FWB pair that take love potions to Enhance their sex life, and I've been thinking about the culture surrounding love potions in this world now. For the prompt itself, I'm treating it like an intox kink, almost? It's like having sex while you're high, but the "high" is "immediately falling in love with whoever you're looking at." So would these things be legal? Do you have to make them yourself, is the recipe underground? Is it like.. a drug that in smaller doses is used for a genuine medical purpose, but when you take a lot of it you get stoned like this? So many questions brought up by this one prompt that I won't even be able to fit into the short story itself, but now I Have to think about it.

❤️️ part 4: Unnamed Dream WIP

I've known for a while now that I want Asim to have regular correspondence with Mira while he's in the city, because I don't want to give him a sister and immediately write her out for the rest of the book, yknow? He talks about how his research is going, she talks about how she's adjusting to being the Speaker for their village. He might send money back... if he's getting paid at all? Still unclear about what's going on with that. Probably getting a research stipend or something.

I just like when there are siblings!!! With a good relationship! I think it's weird when people are like "all siblings fight and hate each other" because... I've always had a great relationship with my sibling? So I want to write more siblings that reflect my experience

❤️️ part 5: New Poetry Collection?

I know that isn't a techincally WIP but you can't stop me

I was thinking the other day about how many poetry collections are about how beautiful nature is, the natural world, how many poets are from rural backgrounds, and how many of them returned to the country from the city which is when they wrote their most critically acclaimed works etc. but like.... I love living in the city.

I lived in the suburbs most of my life, and now that I live in Chicago I can say with 100% certainty this is my preferred biome (I do wish it was warmer year-round but other than that). I love the city, I think it's just as beautiful and worthy of poetry as nature and rural areas. I dunno, I've been tossing around the idea of a poetry collection just based on how much I love the city. I think it would be neat

[send me a ❤️️ and let me ramble]

#annika talks #answered #ask game #i guess i'll tag everything #Pride & Justice #Tales from Athendrolyn #Athendrolyn After Dark #Unnamed Dream WIP

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e-adlirez · 11 months ago

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Trolls Band Together musical reading

Hiiiiiiiii so guess who got ratgrabbed and yanked down into the abyss yesterday as of the time I'm very impulsively writing this--

I went in not expecting much but a couple minutes in they were able to win me over with the plot and the surprisingly strong moral core despite the very simple narrative

And I dunno why (prolly because uh spoilers that I'll get into in a bit) but I wound up reading the movie through a musical lens, which is what this post is about :D

So if you haven't seen Trolls Band Together and don't think you want to (either because you're not optimistic due to the past two films or because you're by some chance a Disney elitist who's somehow trying to trick us into thinking Wish is somehow better than this banger), MAJOR SPOILERS for Trolls Band Together, you have been warned :]

Aight so the main reason I wound up with the music-based reading on first watch is because of the mention of the Perfect Family Harmony, which is what the protagonist boyband BroZone is trying really hard to hit, and I just so happen to be into music (I play drums :]) and just so happened to have been practicing harmonizing in recent times so I guess it lined up just enough for me to look at the film in a musical light, which was a lot of fun :3

Now, the plot of TBT is a very simple one: it's a big "hey guys how about we work together" kind of narrative, which we've seen before in every group-related franchise ever. However, the one thing that I found extremely fascinating was the fact that this story wasn't just being told by narrative, but by music. Specifically BroZone's harmonies and how they develop throughout the film :]

(Fair warning I'm not gonna be able to go Howard Ho levels of detailed, I don't even know how to distinguish chords by ear :'D I'm just gonna be talking about what I hear)

During the intro sequence, we see that John Dory (who I might end up calling JD for simplicity in this essay) has this thing about the Perfect Family Harmony (the PFH) and is trying to get his band to hit it. Obviously, his tactic for this is perfection and pushing his brothers to be perfect for the sake of hitting the PFH on their tour debut, and insisting that he takes the lead, which none of his brothers agree to while knowing that JD is not gonna be hearing any of their protests. This part is very important, because I'm sure that all musicians would know from rehearsals, if the group can't agree on whose lead to follow and wind up not listening to each other, the result is absolute chaos. Not literally as chaotic as BroZone's stage malfunction, but it do sound like that when none of the parts are working together :D

However uh, there's one thing I also want to point out with both BroZone's tour debut and when BroZone has their first full rehearsal together. When they sing their songs, the harmonies are very subdued and very simple, which is particularly shown in Perfect. There are very little facets to the harmonies, to the point where at any given bar in the performance, the line between backing vocals and main vocalists is extremely clear. The backing vocals even sound distinctly softer than whoever's leading at any given point, minus when the boys are singing in unison. Speaking of which, I could be wrong, but I think the parts in the song are like two at most and on occasion it's just the boys singing in unison? More musically attuned readers are free to correct me on that front, but that's what it sounds like to me.

Anyway the main point is, the brothers are forced to maintain these very fixed and restricting harmonies that more or less sound the same, and of course they are-- JD (if he composed the songs) wrote them and he insists that his brothers follow them to the letter, meaning they can't improvise or go beyond what we hear in the film. Granted it's prolly because of their specific genre of music and the fact that the boys are supposed to be teens at eldest and literally a baby at youngest, but the harmonies don't ever diverge or serve to give the song more layers. They remain exactly the same, more or less perfectly in unison, and even during their first group rehearsal with the band back together in (almost) full (could be wrong can't really relisten to that part of the movie rn), their harmonies are perfectly in unison but lacking in dimension, just like how they were during their disastrous concert.

In these, it is very clear that JD hasn't changed a single bit since the last his brothers saw him. He's still obsessed with the idea that he's the leader (even though a BroZone superfan like Poppy remembers him better as "the old one" and it even took her a bit to remember his part in the band), even though in reality, he's kinda nothing without the other members of the band. Which kiiiinddddaaaaaa shows seeing in Perfect his voice sounds very similar to Clay (I bet if I listened to the soundtrack first I wouldn't have been able to pick out JD's voice), and even his part in the PFH is the same as Floyd's.

As I mentioned earlier, due to the circumstances behind this extremely impulsive rant, I can't really check BroZone's first rehearsal after reuniting rn, but I bet it would've been the same case, because what I DO remember about that scene is that JD was being the same old JD, and everyone was trying to tell him that they've changed since they last saw him (contrast to him not changing a bit because he's trying to maintain that illusion of perfection he's been chasing this whole time). From what I remember, anyway, their harmonies were basically in the same boat as Perfect: clear, subdued, restrained against the singers' will to follow a lead vocalist at all times.

Now, we're gonna shift our gaze from the brothers for a second and take a look at the twins Velvet and Veneer. Yes they are iconic and yes their songs are iconic, but one thing I wanna point out is that when I first listened to Mount Rageous on the soundtrack, I had a really hard time picking out Andrew Rannell's voice because it was backing vocals-ing so hard that it was near impossible to not hear Brianna Mazzola's extremely dominant vocals (no hate to either, Brianna Mazzola SLAYED as Velvet), and the comments section of the video I was listening to for the soundtrack seemed to share my sentiments about wanting to hear more of Andrew Rannell, but hear me out:

We know from the film that Veneer is the nicer sibling. He's a material gworl with a heart and he genuinely doesn't like hurting Floyd, especially when you listen to how they address each other and converse with each other in the film. Now, seeing just how much on speaking terms Floyd and Veneer are on, how conflicted Veneer feels about keeping Floyd hostage and torturing him, and how Veneer is always worried about Floyd's health... it would make sense for Veneer to use Floyd's music essence or talents very sparingly, wouldn't it? With that, compare him to his diva sister Velvet, who squanders Floyd's essence even for dress rehearsals, and always sings for the back row and flexes as many riffs and runs and belts any and all opportunities she gets (hence why she CARRIES Mount Rageous). Makes Andrew Rannell's more subdued and in-the-background performance as Veneer more deliberate, doesn't it? :3 (Still wanna hear his voice more tho, it'd be nice to hear what Veneer can do on his own)

Something something the Veneer siblings are direct foils of BroZone something something Velvet is a direct foil for JD and Veneer is a direct foil to Floyd something something Rageous Twins-Floyd angst anyway back to the thesis of this thing--

Now, you'd think that JD keeps up his perfection shtick all the time, but he very obviously doesn't and it is shown first in his jam session with SpBruce and Branch in Bruce's family restaurant-cafe-lazy Susan thing, through the harmonies. At first I thought it was just because their voices had clearly matured since their childhood (which it partially is), but the other reason is the fact that their harmonies are so much fuller than they were in Perfect. They even give Pentatonix vibes in their little vocalizing bit, that's how full and multifaceted their harmonies are in the song; and the main reason is because in that jam session, everyone's in it just for fun, therefore everyone is free to add their little bit of vocal flavor into the song.

If you listen to JD and Bruce's harmonies in the chorus, you'll find that they sound more full and multilayered than ever in such a way that they didn't need five entire band members to pull off. And most importantly, the line between the leading vocals and the backing vocals are a little blurrier in the sense that leading and backing vocals for the most part are on the same volume, and they opt to sing a multilayered unison for when Poppy joins in, who is also adding her own mezzosoprano piece to the song and is given the room to do so. Everyone is given the room to do so-- Bruce's bass and Branch's tenor in particular get to shine while JD provides support with his baritone-- and of course they're given room for every single one of them to shine, because this isn't a concert, it's just a fun little jam sesh that also serves as a bet to showcase BroZone to Bruce's kids. It's ironic how the one time JD doesn't feel the need to be perfect, is the time you can really see why BroZone is such a good boyband that everyone fell in love with during their time.

Now, I did mention BroZone's first rehearsal (and I don't have much else to say about the rehearsal besides the fact that JD's obstinance means that they're doing a repeat of the tour debut), so I'll talk instead about the next time they manage to work (or in this case, sing) in harmony: A Better Place and its iconic pre-chorus.

Now, first of all I will mention the moment prior where the group has that little heart-to-heart about the PFH and how they don't need to be perfect to hit it, they just need to be together. While this is a very cheesy line, it's actually very true if you think about it from a technical musical perspective: when you're singing, you technically don't need to be perfect to sound good, and the same goes for if you're singing in a group. The most important thing about singing in a group is that you're all together, you're all on the same page, and you're all in agreement on who's going to take the lead for everyone to base their singing off of; and they have all three of those things. All of BroZone is together and able to communicate with each other, and they're all on the same page because they're all agreeing to follow Branch's lead. Ignore for a second the poeticism of Bitty B now taking up The Leader position in the vocals, the fact that the group was able to agree on who'll lead and who the others will listen to is not only a good showcase of what having a good team and leader is like, but also what it takes for a group to be able to sing together and not sound like a house of people trying to sing Happy Birthday. (It's also an achievement with this bunch but I digress.)

In A Better Place, we get to hear everyone put their own bits of harmonies into the song: we get to hear Clay's beautiful vocalizations in the pre-chorus and the chorus, Anna Kendrick joining in with her soprano is always a treat for the eardrums, Camila Cabello's improvisations are very tasteful, the LAYERS that make the pre-chorus so addicting to listen to, we even get to hear Crimp adding a bit of ukulele and it's very cute and she looks so happy you guys <:], Floyd's little vocalization at the end sounds heavenly even though the poor man hardly had anything left in him Lord bless him-- and under all of this, Branch's voice still sounds prominent enough to act as a baseline that doesn't overpower but ties all the other voices together, like a concertmaster of an orchestra being the one to set the pitch and make sure that everyone is on the same page. Everyone is listening to each other, everyone is adding their own flavor to the song, and everyone is in harmony.

Thank you for coming to my TEDTalk :3 if you managed to stick it out to the end then uh holy crap I commend you soldier, your brainrot must be as severe as the Trolls tag on Tumblr made yourselves out to be :D /j

#trolls #dreamworks trolls #trolls band together #brozone #one thing I'd also like to mention is that #velvet's vocals are so perfect for her character #she's a diva so she feels like her voice needs to be heard by everyone but her voice is cracky in song and in conversation #which could be an effect of her flexing “her” vocal talents every moment she gets to do so (which is every song)#and her physical vocal cords not being accustomed to all this exertion #wonder what throat lozenge brand is her fav if she does those at all #also also branch showing his abandonment issues by the van argument being an emotional repeat of the tour argument #to the point where he's in the exact same physical position he was in as bitty b that night #and he ends up calling all his brothers' asses out and leaves so he doesn't have to deal with the pain that will eventually come #when the bros return to their normal lives and leave each other again #and in branch leaving he gives them a taste of their own medicine and inflicts on them the same pain they inflicted on him when they left #abandonment issues </3 #ramble #rambles #and i don't mind if the world spins faste--

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