#I dunno don't you think it's nice to see what your worst is. Like knowing that your still doing at least somewhat alright

[torchstelechos]

It must be nice to know what eldritch creature you would turn into if the world was just right and you had no help, like it must be kind of reassuring to know you'd still have your thumbs at least, in this way Siffrin is winning at life in other ways not so much

[mohntilyet]

i read the wigmaker job recently and there’s an idea that really stuck with me, which may well have been discussed before, but it’s really been itching at me. it came from this exchange near the end –

“i don't want to quit.” / illario sat back. the distance between them suddenly felt much wider than a table. / “even if it kills you,” illario whispered. / “death is my calling,” lucanis stated, matter-of-fact. “just as yours is to become first talon.”

(the bits before and after this give important context, too, but these specific lines are what gnaw at me)

i. really wonder if this conversation – and the long-standing beliefs held by both of them that it’s indicative of – contributed to giving lucanis to zara.

like, illario coming to terms with the fact that lucanis really just will. not. stop. for ANYTHING. his cousin WILL get himself killed doing this and lucanis won’t have any regrets. he’ll leave illario to go this alone. (no one to follow after anymore.) combined with the envy of knowing that lucanis is and always will be caterina’s favorite, and she will likely pick lucanis to be first talon even tho lucanis does not want this At All…

i wonder if he thought that, well, if lucanis is going to die anyway… maybe it’s better to have it happen sooner, rather than later. why put off the inevitable? especially if this is the one thing that could shift caterina’s gaze to illario and give him what he’s wanted – what he’s earned.

lucanis wouldn’t be happy as first talon anyway (honestly, illario seems to see that what lucanis is NOW isn’t so much ‘happy’ as it is ‘obedient and content to accept the scraps that gives him’), and he’s GOING to get himself killed doing this, anyway… and sure, they COULD wait it out. wait for lucanis to do something foolish enough that he can't just walk away from it. maybe he’ll even last long enough to be made first talon (if caterina can ever bear to loosen her grip from the title) and be miserable for a while. years even, maybe. before he, again, does something he can’t walk away from.

OR. or. or illario could cut through all the pointless waiting and get right to the point. go straight to where this was always going to end up.

(and maybe part of it is an extension of anticipated grief, too – the loss will be agony. if illario controls when and how it happens, he can control his grief. …except he hasn’t accepted the inevitability of lucanis’ death quite as well as he’d thought and when he gets sloshed at the wake, real grief seeps through the cracks)

i dunno. something about both of them viewing lucanis’ death as a foregone conclusion and how illario Might have had that shape his decisions.

YEAH . YEAHHHHH. i do also think the “to reason” exchange is what solidifies it in illario’s mind. lucanis is like 'this has been a productive if tense talk with my cousin. surely he sees sense now.' and illario is like ‘what the fuck. i think he wants to die’ <- okay im exaggerating a bit but i do absolutely see the end of wigmaker’s job as the start of lucanis-illario’s downward spiral. there’s a reason that it’s something lucanis is stuck on during inner demons, and the exchange that you have very nicely broken down is what he hears echoes of, this is where he knows it started to go wrong

probably the worst part is lucanis WOULD have worked himself to death and it takes the series of events in veilguard for lucanis to see other options for his life, and still he ends up being shoehorned into first talon by the end of the quest. i thought his quest would parallel iron bull’s, in that rook shows them that living outside and away from crow influence is possible, and that he is much more than the weapon they turned him into, but it ofc doesn’t go through like that. it’s genuinely a bit heartbreaking that lucanis finally has support and like. FRIENDS. but with the way the game ends he’s pulled back into the crows and to a life that will be about protecting a cousin that the organisation he runs hates, and for as long as caterina lives, unable to say no to her. and meanwhile after lucanis has made connections outside of the crows, illario has absolutely nothing left (prison of his own making i get it but i still want to get his ass out of there. 😭) so the codependency that they used to share is gone as well. maybe lucanis has a foot out the door but i genuinely have no idea how illario goes on after this

[amymbona]

So I kinda had this au idea for sex therapist!Patrick but who specialises in treating people who find it hard to cum. But he's got this warm/confident/empathetic vibe, like what he loves most about his job is helping the men and women who come to him for guidance; who trust him to touch and tease their bodies, to just look at them and know what it takes to make them finally feel good. I dunno, I can just see Patrick putting his sex god powers towards helping and healing ❤️

THE GASP I JUST GASPED

Poor you :((( You're so ashamed of yourself, thinking all of the mistakes come from your side, that your body is just broken in some way, that you're the reason why none of your sexual partners were satisfied. And it breaks your heart honestly, 'cause you're afraid you won't be able to find a long term partner just because of this simple reason. You're aware sex is important in a relationship, and that it wouldn't be only your partners who remain unsatisfied - usually under the impression that you're not turned on enough by them to actually cum - but mainly yourself, unable to cum despite your raging arousal. And the worst thing is, you still don't know whether the mistake is really in you, or if you've just only been fucked by shitty men.

It takes a lot of courage for you to make an appointment at the Zweig clinic, as you're incredibly creeped out by the idea of opening yourself like that to some stranger. He sounds friendly on the phone, offering you a bunch of dates to choose from and just tells you not to worry, come in some comfy clothes, have a good breakfast in the morning, and that he will help you.

When you actually first step in, you're surprised to find a pretty domestic looking place. There's no waiting room, only a small corridor with one chair. It seems that doctor Zweig either has very little clients, or just manages to split them into so many appointments that they never overlap. You sit on the chair, one leg nervously bouncing as you wait for the door to open, really nervous what he will be like.

Doctor Zweig doesn't let you wait for long, his curly head peeking out of the door - "Welcome, it's so nice to meet you!" - and simply from the sight of his handsome face, you feel like you could cum. He's by far the most gorgeous man you have ever set your eye on, and suddenly you're almost sure why he is so successful.

He invites you in, insisting you call him Patrick and asks your name, then offers you a place to sit. "Would you like anything? A glass of water? Tea, coffee?" You leave the comfy looking sofa for him and plop down in a vintage looking arm chair as he goes to fetch you a glass of water. Soon, he returns with a smile and leisurely sits down, shooting one more smile in your direction.

You do the basic introduction when you tell him your name and age and then obviously the reason why you came. Patrick doesn't ask for your personal details at first, instead opting to tell you something about himself too. You learn he is nearing his thirties and has a fair share of sexual experience, that his biggest hobby is tennis and some other facts he considers important for you two to warm up.

For the whole time, you're struggling to keep your eyes off of him, drinking in the sight of his face. He's genuinely so handsome, like a god damn model, like he should be on the cover of some magazine. His eyes are so rich, shining at you like two expensive diamonds, and yet incredibly warm, compliment by a casual smile on his face. The curls on top of his head bounce lightly as he nods in response to your slurred words, patiently waiting for you to fully explain yourself. He allows you all the time you need, stating you're his only customer for today and so there's no need to rush. Your comfort, he says, is his priority.

Then, the personal questions begins. How many sexual partners have you had, all the positions you ever had sex in, which one usually makes you cum and do you ever come? Have you ever squirted? Does penetration work? So many questions that have you a blushing, sweating mess, almost making you want to cry. But Patrick is so sweet and kind, saying that it's completely natural, that nobody is judging you and you can talk to him as if he's just an old friend. This time, nothing serious happens and you two only make another appointment for next week, allowing you all the time in the world. When you're leaving, he asks whether you're feeling, in any way, aroused, stating it's important to know the effect he himself has on you. He gives you a homework as well, to come up with all the things that turn you on.

The next time you come in, you're wearing a pretty floral dress, as you're more afraid of him seeing you than really touching you. This way, if you two proceed to anything like that, it could all be hidden. Again, Patrick greets you with the usual smile, making your heart warm up, and invites you in. He sits you on the sofa, positioning himself next to you, and listens as you list all the things that excited you the most.

"I'm gonna touch you a bit, okay?" Patrick proposes and you nod, knowing that's the whole purpose of this predicament, so you can't really refuse.

He goes really slowly on you, so slowly and cautiously, that is actually leaves you surprised. First, his hand finds yours and he intertwines your fingers, inspecting the rings on your fingers and then the bracelets on your wrists. He kisses you on the cheek and throws one arm around you shoulders, easing you into his chest. He's so warm and smells good, it makes your head spin.

Then, Patrick finally kisses you on the lips, just lightly smooching the cherry taste of your lip stick, tasting you. He lets you kiss him back, allowing you to set the pace and intensity, engaging in your first make out session. His palm finds a place on your knee, just where your dress ends, but he doesn't dare slide under the fabric yet. Instead, his fingers lightly rub your knee and squeeze it.

When you begin responding more hungrily, your nose bumping into his messily, he pulls away. In front of him sits a cute, blushing girl, her pupils blown wide as she's unable to believe she's been kissed like that. Seriously, nobody has ever kissed you better than Patrick just did. And it's only the first kiss you two have shared. If he's supposed to fix your body in the most intimate ways, you can't even imagine what it would feel like when he proceeds further.

"I want you to set a pace. And a boundary. Okay? Don't just kiss me because you feel like you have to," he tells you, still massaging your knee gently, while he runs the fingers of his free hand through your hair. "Think of it as a real sexual experience, because it is. As if I was your boyfriend, doing all this with you."

You nod again, suddenly feeling shy of your actions. The sudden need you have for him. "Can I kiss you again?"

He lets you. He lets you kiss him and crawl onto his lap, to run your hands over his shoulder and tangle in the curls on the back of his neck. He allows you to touch him just as you please, discovering his body in your own way. When you hands keep roaming over his chest for too long, Patrick gently directs them to the top button of his shirt. "If you want to."

You take your time, slowly undoing the buttons on Patrick's shirt one by one, allowing for your palms to feel his skin. He's ripped muscles tight even when he sits so relaxed under you - probably the result of frequent tennis playing - and not so hairy either. All in all, he's warm and nice to touch.

Patrick notices the little falter of your breath as you stare at his body, and the gentle raise of your own chest, each and every breath passing through your mouth. The lipstick is a bit smeared from the messy intensity of your kisses and so he reaches up to wipe away the bit that remains on your chin, his touch gentle.

"You're so beautiful, Y/N," he whispers with full honesty, unable to tear his eyes off of your face. It's natural for Patrick to develop a bit of a relationship with his clients, his magic wouldn't work otherwise, but with you - such a pretty girl on his lap - he genuinely means it.

"Patrick," you sigh, lips parting as his finger slides over them.

"I want to make you feel good," he states in determination, his eyes glowing as he looks at you. "Will you let me?"

You let him. With his help, you sit with your back facing him, between his spread legs. Before your back could come to rest against his chest he stops you, and slowly slips down the straps of your dress. Shivers run down your spine at the gentle touch of his fingertips, feeling the softness of your skin. You have such a beautiful body, and he has only seen so little so far.

The top of your dress pools around your hips as he pulls you into his chest and his hands settle on your waist. There you rest, settled into the warmth of Patrick's body, eyes wide as you stare ahead, wondering if he can see your breasts over your shoulder. And you'd be really nervous if he could.

"I'm gonna touch," his whisper reaches your ear, the slow movements giving you time to reject his advances. But you don't.

Patrick's palms cup your breasts delicately, earning a small sigh from your pink lips, your own gaze slipping to see how good they fit in his hands. Almost as if he was made to holds them. He feels the weight in his hands before lightly squeezing, one more sound from your lips following. There, as you rest, Patrick begins gently kneading your breasts, squeezing the muscles and letting you get adjusted to the unusual intrusion.

The moment Patrick senses the ease in your posture, your shoulders slouching just barely and your head falling on his shoulder, he decides to proceed. Both of his thumbs roll over nipples, the touch so light but thoroughly felt. It makes you shudder and moan, the high pitched sound filling the room of his office.

No man has ever paid a generous amount of attention to your breasts, finding them just pretty to stare at in your low cut tops, but never enough to fondle or fully touch them. A kiss here and a violent tug on your nipple there, but that was all.

"Do you like it?" Patrick asks, his lips ghosting the shell of your ear.

"Yes," you nod.

"Woman's nipples are as sensitive as her clitoris, at most times, but many people fail to notice that," Patrick continues talking while still teasing your nipples delicately, earning a small sigh from your pink lips. This is, honestly, better that any soft of a dirty talk. Simply being told how exactly your body works while it's being touched at the most sensitive spots. That's thousand times better. "It's crucial that they are stimulated too, as it adds to the sexual experience and makes the whole act much more enjoyable."

"I-" you attempt to speak, but all that leaves your mouth are small gasps and moans. "I haven't really... No one ever pays attention."

But Patrick is. All his focus is glued to your sensitive, pink, pretty nipples and how the feel under his fingers. By all your reactions, he's well aware that it's making you feel good, better than just good. "That's okay, sweetheart, I am. Do you know a woman can orgasm purely as a result of nipple stimulation?"

Of course you don't know that. With all the attention your breasts have ever received, you barely know how they work. "N-no."

"I want you to know. To make you feel it. Will you let me?" he's determined. He wants to make you cum, not by fucking or fingering you. But simply by playing with your beautiful breasts and whispering sweet words into your ear, have you lay and pant against his chest, too shy to actually face him. He wants you exactly the way you are, that's how your first proper orgasm should be.

"Please."

That word is like a switch turned on for Patrick, stopping him from holding back. His lips mouth your neck, trace the path down your throat while his hand keep kneading your breasts, listening to your delicate moans that follow each time he deliberately brushes his fingers over your nipples. You're a perfect little patent, but you're also much more than that. A wonderful young woman with shattered sex appeal who's begging to be put back together, to be given the lacking confidence and shown how much fun sex can really be. You're all he needs for his work and he's all you need for your life.

Perhaps a part two? :3

[andiv3r]

I'm curious, what is it about stancest that you like?

Ohhg okay, so there's A Lot. Click at your own risk, thoughts on the ship and many reasons I "like" it (find it useful as a narrative tool & fun to play with) under the cut.

I think the main appeal is that there is a formerly strained bond being repaired, and watching them grow close again in their old age is beautiful no matter how you view their relationship¹. I like to explore concepts with stancest that I can't explore with other ships², such as Bill's control and manipulation affecting what could have otherwise been a nice reunion, shared unrevealed feelings being why they both pushed one another away more than necessary in the time right before the portal incident ("for his own good," they both think), or just-through-the-portal Ford meeting a version of mullet Stan while in another dimension (also works for Portaled Stanley AUs meeting another version of Stanford), realising just how bad Stan had it, and (believing there is very little chance of him ever finding his way back home), deciding to take care of this version of his brother where he didn't for the one he knew.

If you're thinking, "Hey... some of those work just fine without making it stancest. You could keep their relationship platonic/familial and still use those concepts," then you're right! I could! Sometimes I even do! But...

I have no reason to restrict the sort of thing I write when the potential for a different dynamic between these characters, as well as being able to explore facets of my own identity through them, appeals to me³. I enjoy looking at the concept of an aromantic alloalterous demisexual and autosexual Ford and playing through how those identities would impact how he sees Stan⁴.

I am also fond of speculating about their time at sea, and what the healing of their relationship would entail. Stan's memory loss (which I think still affects him somewhat, in the form of gaps where certain memories haven't fully reformed or are hazy) would undoubtedly affect things, as would Ford's guilt for "causing" it. There's potential for Stan recovering traumatising memories and Ford both helping him work through that and learning about some of them for the first time - having to learn in the worst possible way that Stan has been through infinitely more than he thought. There is an extremely compelling dynamic here regardless of the nature of their relationship, but I'm a sucker for old queers and lifelong mutual pining that's finally come to a resolution, so putting that era of their life through a stancest filter was inevitable and brings me the most joy.

So, yeah. I dunno, there's just a lot you can do with it and a lot that's already there to build from.

¹Purely familial? Hell yeah, there's lots to work with there and that used to be my favourite way to see them! Romantic? Adds an extra layer to all the ways you could interpret their actions (and therefore all the ways you could add angst), love it lots. Secret third thing? I Am Gnawing At The Bars Of My Enclosure, You Have No Idea How Much I Love Viewing Them As Secret Third Thing. Secret Third Thing can mean so much, there is so much to work with there. It can mean "I love you more than anyone else but it's not romantic but I still feel guilty over how deeply I love you because I'm not supposed to feel like this, you're my brother." It can mean "Whenever I envisioned 'settling down' and 'starting a family' I couldn't make myself see a romantic partner... I could only ever see us out at sea." It can mean "You are my other half. I don't know what we are but I know that you complete me." It can mean so, so much.

²Fiddauthor or portalcule would suffice in some cases, but not all of them... and to be honest, I don't want to settle for something that would just suffice. If it would hit harder emotionally as stancest than it would as fiddauthor, then I'm making it a stancest and not fiddauthor.

³I like to explore ideas of gender/sexuality/romantic orientations as a way to work through how I view my own aromanticism. Stanford is a heavily aromantic-coded character, and Stanley can be viewed through an aromantic lens (which is a headcanon for him that I hold dear).

⁴How would his being autosexual affect the physical aspect of his attraction? How would being demisexual impact him, what with Stan being the person he's closest to and knows best out of anyone in the world? How would his lack of romantic attraction impact that relationship? Would it make him feel more or less guilty for his feelings? Would he even notice they weren't romantic, or would he assume romantic, sexual and alterous attraction were all the same? Would his guilt from his feelings (because god knows he'd have that guilt) stem from some place of societally ingrained morals, or would he, as he so often in canon does, shun society's ideas for how he should act... and in that case only feel guilty for having what he assumes is unwanted and unreciprocated attraction toward someone who would be disgusted at him for it? Or would he maybe ignore the guilt, his attention centred on the fact that this attraction, or these feelings, or this attachment, makes him an anomaly, a freak, just like he was always told he was for his physical differences?

[basilpaste]

Stress Relief

(This fic talks a lot about death and panic attacks! Stay safe!)

this takes place directly after On Command! Read that first for context.)

You feel Loop's eyes on you the moment you're back. Burning into you like sunlight caught in a magnifying glass.

Your heart stutters in your chest as you struggle to catch your breath. That's a downside to doing things like this, then! Just because you loop doesn't mean your brain gets the memo. You force yourself to your feet, hand on your chest as you breathe deeply. You're okay! It's better than dying. Better than having to run for a tear and the sleepless dreams they bring.

Okay. Okay! You can learn to recover faster if you do it more! If you do it more! Who knows if you'll need to! But it's nice to have the option.

You still feel kind of shaken, but you'll put on a brave face. The worst of it is over.

You go through the motions, following the pattern as always. You think maybe Sif realizes something is wrong! But if they do they don't tell you. A part of you wonders if they think you'll tell them yourself. Would you have? Before this started?

… You don't think you want to answer that.

By the time you make it back to the favor tree, you're feeling a lot better! It helps that you're trained to stay calm under stress, but you also had plenty of time to cool down! So you're okay. And if you're not now, you will be! You'll be alright.

You shuffle over to your usual place on the roots and offer Loop a wave, "Hi, Elle!"

They. Don't say anything. They just look at you. None of the usual preamble. Loop just looks at you, eyes clouded over with more emotion than you've ever seen in them. They grip their arm so tight that you can see it leaving indents in their skin.

"Um." You look away from them.

"Fighter." They say after a long time. "You looped back."

"I… did, yes."

"Without a tear."

You suddenly envy Sif's ability to hide his face under a hat and cloak. You feel almost painfully exposed like this, with Loop's eyes boring into you. Their gaze stings.

"Without a tear." You agree finally.

And then they look mad. They look genuinely, aggressively, mad at you.

"What in the name of the stars do you think you're doing?!" They shout, jabbing a finger towards you accusatorially.

Despite yourself, you jerk back.

Wasn't it obvious? You kinda thought it was obvious! This was… a good thing! A way to loop without having to find tears or die!

"I figured… that if I can loop based on my emotions, it's for a reason, right?" You stare at the ground between the two of you, "If I can do that, it means I can use it!"

"So— so what, then! What! You. What did you even do, Fighter?!" They sputter.

You dig your nails into your palms, "… I mean. You saw, didn't you?"

"I saw! Oh, yes, I did see!" They shoot you a glare, "I don't understand, though! So! Walk me through it, Fighter! What. Did. You. Do?"

"It's emotions, right? Um. Not always. But… sometimes. If I feel bad enough or guilty enough. Like— like I can't go on."

They know this. They know this! You had an entire theory-crafting session where you learned this! There's something in the emotions, the feeling like things are over, that can make you loop!

They know this.

They haven't said anything.

"So I figured I could. Use that, maybe? If I felt, I dunno, hopeless enough. I thought I could make myself loop back." You shrug loosely, "… and I could."

"Why." Their voice shakes with it.

"It's better than dying!" You say quickly, "Better than dying! And it can be quicker than finding a tear. Less risk of worrying everyone!!"

"Why do you care? It's not like they'll remember! You'll just be looping back anyway!" Loop's voice travels up, becoming something high and sharp.

"It matters!" You counter.

"Does it?"

"It does!" You fold your arms over your chest, "It doesn't matter if they don't remember! Because I do! I don't want to see their horrified faces as I die or fling myself into a tear! Not ever again!"

You take a deep breath. You shouldn't shout.

"… Why do you care." You ask.

It's a terrible thing for you to ask. Cruel and mean and aggressive. You're mean, Isabeau. In this moment, you're mean.

"Hah!" They spit the laugh out like venom. "That's a funny question, Fighter. Because it has the same exact answer!! BECAUSE YOU WILL REMEMBER!!!"

They. Yelled at you.

Actually yelled at you, genuinely shouted. Have they ever done that before? They've raised their voice a few times, sure, but none of it was actually yelling. They look… scared.

"It's a better option." You tell them. You believe this. You have to.

"It's not!" They argue, "It really, really, isn't!"

"Why not?"

"Because — because I don't want you to!!" Loop shouts.

And then they still. They look away from you, trying to collect themself, "I mean. Because you shouldn't have to."

"I shouldn't have to do any of this." You say quietly, "It's a bad situation, right? And I shouldn't have to do this at all. But I'm here, and I can't get out if I don't try, Elle. And that means doing new things."

"Fighter." Their voice wavers. "You… understand what this will do to you, right? If you do this to yourself? It's. Dragging yourself to your lowest just to loop, it can't possibly be good in the long run."

You do your best to smile, your teeth clack together harshly. "Well!! I'll just have to make sure I don't have to loop again, right?"

"No." They shake their head once, firm, "I need for you to tell me that you understand. Or else I will not let you do this."

"You're not really able to do much in the House." You say.

And it's mean. Of course it is. But you need to have this out! So none of your friends see you hurt! You don't want to force yourself to loop like that, but it's better.

Loop brings their hand up to their face, flashing the hand sign they taught you. Their eyes narrow on you, sharp and dangerous. Like a dagger.

[I will yell in your mind until you're too distracted to continue. I will not let you do this unless you tell me that you understand.]

You're not stupid. Not like everyone assumes you are. Of course you understand. But it doesn't matter if you feel bad! As long as you protect your friends, as long as you keep your family safe! If you ruin your own mind trying to save them from this, that's okay! And if it's not it will be!

You'll make it okay!!!

"So?" Loop asks, aloud this time.

They couldn't stop you, you don't think.

And isn't it kinda nice? To feel all those things instead of choking them down? To just freehand something instead of following all the steps? If you never feel any emotion other than good ones it's bad! Like — what was that comparison you all made — eating your favorite food all the time!

Feeling bad can. Be good. This is easier than dying.

"I understand." You say eventually, "I know what might happen to me. But. I'm going to keep it in my back pocket. Just in case."

Elle looks impossibly sad. "Sunlight…"

You don't think either of you want to continue this conversation.

"..." They breathe out, putting on a smile, "What can I do for you on this wonderful new loop?"

[lightningant]

I've never seen characterizations of Tom and Harry the way yours is. I love how neurotic and messed up they both are -- they're *SO CUTE* too. <3 <3 <3

Tom is just so exhausted and cynical and Harry is a manic catastrophe with sooo many crossed wires and they're HILARIOUS. XD

And just so well written, I cannot tell you how distracted I was for at least a week after I read what you had for your fic -- I truly, truly admire your narration and dialogue and characterizations (I already said that but PLEASE I LOVE THEM SO **BAD** >O< ) Soooo funny and well made.

They're realistic! Tom and Harry are so messy and also normal people at the end of the day who make mistakes and aren't super cool all the time (really, they're utter dorks, and you TOTALLY show thatt) but also they're competent and scary and stubborn and you just have suchh a nice blend of their facets and I JUST....aghhh, I love itt.

Also I ADORE your designs -- I love how Tom is so sickly and neat (you said it best "Victorian child with tuberculosis" LMAO), and Harry is so IDK, he's just a Guy but in the most wonderful way -- I'm not actually good with words :,))))

I just love your art style in general, it's like, realistic yknow. You don't get rid of normal people "imperfections", they're a part of the design or enhance them -- I don't think the word imperfections is right, I just mean like, you don't exclude non-conventionally attractive aspects of bodies or facial expressions??? Idk, I'm trying here, I really am. Just, just, just I like it a lot and I wanna be like that toooooo >.<

IIIIIIII dunno if I have accurately gotten anything across or even given an actual good compliment in this entire thing but anyways you're very cool and awesome and also PLEASE forget that I said they were Babygirl I've never used that word before in my LIFEE and don't know if that was right at all -- if it was nevermind I meant it all and am so cool -- ANYWAYS bye :,)

I don't think I've succeeded in lessening my embarrassment but uhhhhh, I hope I've at least articulated myself better :,)))

Askbomb swag. Thank you, this message was so sweet :) I shall try to match energies.

One of the things I love most is that the kind of person who puts up pretensions is, innately, trying to hide something about themselves they find sub-par. Tom isn't just a scary and incredibly powerful domineering sigma male who is a master manipulator, he is a person who is actively attempting to turn himself into that man, and in my fic he is still a teenager and still tripping his way through that mental image he has of himself. The two worst ages to ever be are 15 and 20; fifteen, when you are ready to shed childhood but don't know what maturity looks like just yet, and 20, when you are ready to become your own person and achieve adulthood, picking your way across existence-defining beliefs. And his only friend for the past like, 7 months? has been his 16-year-old self who has the single-minded objective of looking cool and mature to his adult self. A hell of his own making.

Harry is also 20. He is one of those 'unusually mature for his age' kids and he has an inflated sense of his own righteousness and capability, despite being the actual one with the emotional range of a teaspoon (he just knows to keep it himself). There is no way Harry would detect he is having a manic fit, especially if he is having one that is triggered by his arrested feelings on Sirius. It's incredibly fun writing him perform this extremely risky and reality-altering plan and his plan was "idk, kill him?" and picking shit up off the ground whenever he sees it, the DADA position included. our hero.

Beautiful tragic terminally ill gothic prince / fit jock is really a match made in heaven aesthetically. Cannot get enough of it

Thank you for art compliment too ^_^ I used to lean more to anime fandoms so Harry Potter really let me stretch my legs on more 'normal people' facial features like big noses and soft chins and I'm glad it's clear how much fun I'm having doing that. Yay! Though one of the compliments I've always gotten that I've always been proud of is how distinct the way I draw expressions is.

No no...you're right. Tom is absolutely a babygirl. And Harry...well he was certainly Ginny's babygirl, and I'm sure a part of him is really itching to have someone put their hand on the small of his back 😔

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

Best and worst of both worlds (part 12)

Tw: injury, yandere and monty just being a creep

the University option was 60% wben the votes were 20, idk y suddenly u guys decided to favour 5 blocks away from ur house too

Damn from what i seen theres like distinct team monty and team Yves, ngl as writer i am biased towards Yves he my favourite

Part 13

You told him that you need to go to class.

Montgomery frowned. "If ya' say so." He shifted his gears and began driving away.

You looked at the scenery around you. This place is definitely not somewhere you visited before, you see a few buses driving by. But none of which you recognize.

"You free during the weekends?" He asked.

You said no.

Montgomery pouted. "Well, when are you free?"

You shrugged and said being a university student is demanding.

He sighed dejectedly. "What do I know, I only have a high school diploma. Wasn't one for the books, I'd rather git' out there and make me some cash."

You stayed silent.

"You ain't built for that, it really ain't for the faint hearted. So you gotta stay in school and try your hardest, sweetheart. Follow your dreams of becoming... whatever you wanted to be."

You nodded in acknowledgement. But Montgomery kept talking.

"I came to the city 'cause I heard I can make it big there. I didn't really have a plan, I was hopin' I'd make big bucks and start my own business." He switched his blinker on as he readies himself to make a turn.

"It was totally harder than I thought. I moved from city to city, was broke in every single one and I had to live out of my car if I wanted to eat. The people, all of 'em were mean as hell no matter where I go. They're nothin' like the people back home."

Curiosity gets the best of you and you asked why didn't he just return to base.

He laughed. "I didn't wanna hear an 'I told you so' from my family. I had to fight to get out of that damn farm. I can't imagine the humiliation if I come back home, tail between my legs, empty handed."

The air between you became quiet after that.

"So... what are ya' studying?"

You tried your best to explain your degree and the profession that you're hoping to work as. Montgomery hummed in response.

"I dunno much about that. But it sure sounds stressful and too brainy for me. You're such a smart kid."

You said thanks.

"A little lackin' in the brawn department though. That's why you need me to protect ya'." He grinned. "We sure are such a great match! When I get that business idea of mine up and runnin', you're gonna be handling the books. I'll be handlin' the shop- the physical part. We're gonna be swimmin' in riches, in no time!"

You didn't respond to that, making his excited laughter die down quickly.

"...Or you could just choose what'cha wanna do. Fine by me, I'll fund it the best I can." Montgomery is starting to look uncomfortable, it seems like he's trying to make some conversation with you. But you didn't want to give him any more of your attention.

The rest of the ride went by smoothly.

__

"Sixth period, I guess." He stopped in front of the entrance. You wonder if he's confused as to why he barely sees anyone around now.

You looked at the time. It's 11:45AM. The bus is coming in 5 minutes.

"Here." He shoved something into your hands. "Treat yourself to something nice." You uncrumpled it to reveal two $20 bills.

You thanked him and pulled the handle of the door.

"Wait! I want your number!" He got out of his car and ran up to you.

You said that you don't remember and you don't have your phone with you.

"You don't remember your own phone number?" He stared in disbelief.

You said that with the advancement of technology, no one needs to remember any phone numbers. It's all stored in the smartphone.

He scratched the back of his neck. "Well, I think you should memorize at least a couple of em'. What are ya' gonna do when your phone breaks, huh? You're gonna be doomed!"

Yeah. Like how you are right now.

You tried to end the conversation by agreeing and saying bye.

"I have an idea." You yelped as he grabbed you by the wrist. He pulled out a pen and uncapped it, Montgomery wrote a string of numbers on your arm.

You can only watch as he decorated your entire forearm in horror. How are you going to explain this to Yves?

"There, that's my number."

You pulled your arm away and told him that you're going to be late for class.

"Don't forget to call me!" He hollered as you move far, far away from him.

__

Finally, $40 richer, 100% more disturbed, 200% sweatier, you reached your house. 20 minutes late.

You dragged yourself onto the porch and struck your arm repeatedly against the door. Panting with your tongue out like a dog.

You wiped the sweat off your brow as the door opened. Thinking it's one of your housemates, you tried walking past them, only to be grabbed by the shoulders.

"(Name)!"

You looked up and saw Yves with the most haunting expression you've ever seen on his beautiful yet bruised face. Half it was still concealed by his hair. There was a mix of worry, sadness, anger and relief. It was an expression that guarantees you're in trouble.

You stared at him for a few seconds, his dilated pupil never left yours. You felt like you were on a court trial during those 20 seconds, Yves seemingly scrutinizing every aspect of your soul.

You burst into tears, sobbing loudly and pathetically. You didn't know where to start, you had so many unmet needs at the moment.

You're roasting in your own skin and sunburnt, you don't even have a wink of sleep, you feel violated by Montgomery, your stomach hurts from eating the greasy fast food, your muscles are aching from that epinephrine shot, you have a headache, you don't like how your clothes stuck to your body and Yves is mad at you.

One of the needs was immediately met when he pulled you into a hug.

"I'm not upset at you." He whispered, pressing kisses on your head. You cried harder and sunk into him deeper.

Of course, he knew what happened, where you went and what Montgomery did. All of it was caught on surveillance cameras and they're easy to hack into. He heard the conversations between you and him, Montgomery should upgrade his phone, it didn't even put up a fight when he tried accessing it remotely.

All because he didn't predict that you would be anaphylactic to your new medicine. If you knew he's virtually everywhere and watching your every move, Yves would have immediately intercepted before you could even put a foot down on the floor.

Yves let you wet his clothes until you calmed down enough for him to pull you into the house, where it is much cooler and dimmer. Your nosy housemates were peeking from the hallway, but this time Yves wasn't acting so nice. He shot them all a death glare, which made them promptly retreat into their rooms.

He closes the door and leads you to the sofa. Where he allowed you to let your emotions out on his chest, while sitting on his lap.

A hand stroking the back of your head, another pulling you close to him. Yves placed his lips on your forehead as snot drips down your nose and onto Yves. He doesn't mind your sweat or skin flakes.

Yves does appreciate that Montgomery was there at the right time. When you started to rub your eyes excessively, Yves was already on the highway, doing 120 miles per hour on an 80 limit. He knows something is wrong.

Unfortunately, though, he was too late and Montgomery already drove off with you. So he had to do a detour and tailgate him instead.

He did all the calculations and thought of all the possible outcomes in his head. And... to his dismay, the best one was to let everything that happened to you happen. Yves lets go and allows Montgomery to be the hero for today for the sake of your life.

But you were never in any real danger. Yves was following closely behind this entire time. Of course, you're definitely going to be uncomfortable. However, he knows you're not stupid, he could not slip a single "coincidence" that will allow him to save you from Montgomery. It's going to be too implausible to happen given that Yves is still a relatively "normal" person in your eyes.

You hiccupped in his chest, apologizing over and over again. Yves assured you that you did nothing wrong. He reached for his bag, taking out a packet of wet wipes and dry facial tissues.

He began cleaning you with the damp towel. Yves did not flinch when you coughed right into his face and had thick, opaque mucus land on his eyelashes. He continued wiping away the snot and tears while letting a glob of green rest on his eye.

If you had lingered at the university longer, Yves would have 'coincidentally' bumped and picked you up instead. Under the guise of him searching for you because he arrived early at your place to find the front door unlocked, your bag in your room and your phone on the table. Very unusual behavior of you.

But he underestimated your desperation to catch the next bus. You have broken his records, that was the fastest you ever ran since middle school and he has the data to back it up.

Now that you're slowly relaxing, Yves removed the goop from his eye using another wet wipe. His long eyelashes clumped together from the moisture. He continued by drying you using the facial tissues, which includes drying the sweat from your back and to your rear. Who gives a damn if Yves has his hands up your shirt and down your pants, it's Yves. You trust him.

You didn't pay enough attention to wonder why he brought some aloe gel today out of all days. Yves snapped the lid open and applied a pea sized amount on his fingertips. Yves spread it evenly on your now peeling skin, you let your shoulders sag as the gel soothes the burning pain.

Montgomery proved himself useful, twice. First, by saving your life. Second, by helping Yves look much more appealing to you. Doesn't his feather-like touches feel nice? It's nothing like that brute's talons.

Yves only wished that he had half a brain to feed you something appropriate and not an artery-blocking lump of fat and sugar. Four, of them plus two grease saturated hash browns, to be precise. God, Montgomery is spineless, he should have stopped you or at least found a way to make you eat slower.

You fell limp onto him as he skillfully massaged your scalp with his fingers. Your eyes rolled back into your head as the tingles travel down your spine, causing you to forget about the soreness you've been experiencing.

Yves had a look of disdain when he caught a glimpse of Montgomery's phone number written on your arm in pen ink. He doesn't know when to quit, does he?

You never once stopped to wonder how he knew to prepare a pack of ice wrapped in a towel even before you came back. He brought the chilly item to your neck, cooling down one of your crucial points.

Yves continued massaging your head to relieve you of any tension. He ticked off his mental checklists on your needs, another thing is going to be off his list very soon.

He watches your eyelids droop until your eyes are fully closed. Now draped across his lap, you're starting to snore and drift into slumberland.

He sighed. Caressing your tender leg as you sleep.

"You are such a troublemaker." He quietly hissed. Scooping you into his strong arms.

Yves carried you into your room, where he lowered you onto your bed. He didn't put the blanket on you, because you will overheat, wake up and panic again.

He went out and retrieved his bag. Yves took out his portable fan and placed it near you, so the moving air could cool you down further. If you weren't so bashful and considerate, he would have installed a portable air conditioning unit in your room already. But he knows you will find the gesture too extravagant and start to spiral out of control with your self depreciation.

He closed the curtains, turned off the lights. The only thing illuminating the otherwise dark room are the holes in your curtains and his laptop screen.

Yves took a seat, put on his reading glasses and began typing away. One hand keying in the information, the other holding the wretched medication that hospitalized you.

[liquidluckandstuff]

which character would u love to give a bottle of liquid luck and what would u want their goal to be

Ok I have two ideas one Tomarrymort and one Dadmort and i'll do that dadmort one.

Harry ends up with a bottle of Liquid Luck. How does he get it? We don't know. That's not part of the focus right now. He is at the Dursleys and having the absolute worst time. Sure he is leaving in a few days but he can't stand another minute there.

Besides, Dumbledore promised him he wouldn't have to stay there very long and he wasn't sure how well he could trust his word anymore.

Anyway, Harry drinks the potion (he doesn't even know what it is. He just knows that it is supposed to help him somehow) and suddenly has the desire to go for a walk. He just leaves and no one stops him. Not his relatives, not the order, no one.

He walks long and far enough that someone ends up seeing him on the side of the road and offers him a ride. Harry takes it and ends up having a nice conversation with a stranger. "Where ya headed," they ask. "This way, I think. I'm pretty sure something amazing is going to happen," replied Harry sounding drugged as fuck. The stranger doesn't care. They are high as a kite too.

They drop Harry off in the middle of some old muggle town that is pretty far off from anywhere of note. Harry gets out and waves them off cheerfully.

Then he goes and grabs a coffee from some bakery so he can sit outside and wait. That's all he does. He just waits. Someone left a book behind that ends up being something Harry is interested in so he isn't bored.

An hour or two later, a shadow appears in front of him. The man doesn't look familiar, but Harry gives him a kind smile anyway.

"Hello," Harry says kindly. "Are you waiting for someone too?"

"You're not supposed to be here," the stranger says bewildered.

"I'm not supposed to be anywhere," Harry shrugs. "But here I am."

"Why are you here," the stranger snaps with narrowed eyes. "Where are your guardians?"

"I dunno. Off somewhere having dinner I think. They are probably celebrating my disappearance. Do you want some," Harry says as he offers the man a piece of his cookie. "The woman at the shop gave it to me, but it's too sweet for me."

"I-" the stranger looked down at the cookie and shakes his head. There was something strange going on, but Harry was too happy to notice. Whatever potion he took, it made him feel like he was walking on air. "No, thank you."

"Suit yourself," Harry shrugs before turning back to his book, and then shouting in protest as it was suddenly snatched from his hands. "Hey!"

"You shouldn't be here," the man snaps dragging Harry up by his arm.

"I can go where I want. There isn't anyone left to give a shit and stop me." While he said it, the happy feeling that kept him moving faded away and in its place his resentment bubbled up. "Leave me alone."

Harry pulled his arm away and turned to walk away but was stopped by the stranger pulling the collar of his shirt.

"Wha-Hey STOP what are you doing?"

"Of all the stupid idiotic things to do. They let you just wander off? Have they taught you nothing? What happened to Dumbledore's great protection? Why aren't you being trained? Why are you just out here--" The man hissed is parseltongue, not that Harry knew.

He responded in the same language, "Dumbledore? What about Dumbledore?"

"You speak?"

"What do you mean I speak,"Harry mocked. "We've been speaking this whole time. Let go!"

But the stranger pulled him in closer. Harry didn't have a chance to fight back before he was apparated away.

[anueutsuho]

Completely out of season, but since it's on my mind: Every SiivaGunner April Fool's Day Special ranked from worst to best:

2022: Logan Paul's birthday: I think you can guess why this one was my least favorite. NEXT!

2019: Blue Balls Day: I mean, it was alright. I don't HATE it, it's just that almost every other April Fool’s Day was better.

2017: SiivaGunner and GilvaSunner swap upload rates: I put this one a tad below the other one just because it makes no sense unless you know how both Siiva and GiLva rolled. But I love the idea. They should rip more entire soundtracks at once.

2016: SiivaGunner and GilvaSunner swap upload styles: this was actually the day I got into Siivagunner. How painful was it that GiivaSunner was terminated only 3 days later! I actually thought that was the end until a month later! Anyway, this was the best thing they could have done for an April Fool’s Day: uploading an unedited soundtrack and claiming it was a remix.

2018: Inspector Gadget Takeover #2: Oh! Minecrap! Do you know what my favorite thing to do is, in Minecrap? I love to build brown bricks in Minecrap! But seriously, unpopular opinion but I never got tired of Inspector Gadget. And I loved the second takeover even more due to the AVGN theme and the like being featured too. Gadget's Gay Maze 2 was my favorite track from this one.

2020: Rips of April Fool's Games: this was a nice little April Fool’s Day, especially in the middle of Covid. Fake game rips are always funny. And them mocking Cloud getting two whole songs in Smash Bros was hilarious. And it helped to introduce me to Homestar Runner with the Subscription Plus joke, so that's always a plus.

2024: Algorithm Slop Day: Siiva opinions that make you go like this: This was a nice bit of satire of the current state of Youtube. I am docking points for reminding me how overpresent Skibidi Toilet is, though. But some great rips from this period include: calling out Scoose Me, One-Winged Angel using MODERN memes (I completely forgot Stick Bug was a meme), GIMME 20 DOLLARS, that one rip with the overly long story description that ends with the guy shilling his life coaching services, and a few uploads that led to a fake Patreon.

2021: Mario Dies Day: the Mario Wiki made the exact same joke and I'm still unsure who did it better. Either way, a lot of thought and effort was put into this one. They went as far as to private ALMOST EVERY RIP with Mario's name it it. I especially loved the custom art for Super M̸̌̊a̴͛̿█̸͌̑i̵̛͊█̷̾̓ Sunshine, it really looked official. And the best part was it ending with a Your Best Nightmare and Finale pair of rips.

2023: Lore & Announcements (Beta Mix): I dunno if this is an unpopular opinion but I just loved seeing announcement videos of varying seriousness being ripped and parodied. I loved that "a movie based on your defeat" was ripped. Apology (Beta Mix) crossed the line twice. And I never read the SCP that it was referencing, but the end of the event where The Voice was arrested for "crimes against anime" was hilarious.

[lolly-in-a-strange-land]

♡One Shot♡

When do you admit defeat and realise you are inexplicably in love with your best friend? Is it at the point when you're both 10 and stealing apples from the cranky, elderly man across the street. You're taller then and able to reach. Is it when you're both 14 and your period starts and he finds you sobbing, mid panic attack, and hugs you. Maybe it's when you're both 18, and with limited or no options, he asks to go to the prom with you. He's taller than you now, but only by a small amount, the perfect amount. Any taller would be too much, she decides.

Or the worst possible time is when he forms a band, and suddenly, after a lot of dedication and hard work, he's famous. It could be any of those times, but it's left her miserable on the inside. Showing the misery on the outside means downplaying how proud she is of Maynard, or James as she knew him when they were growing up. She still remembers all versions of him and feels that deep, aching love for all of them.

Now, she's outside, on a stretch of road, somewhere a little bit away from the venue. The night had started off good. She'd arrived at the venue early and a little tired, but super happy to see him, and they'd hugged. She'd held on for too long, but it had been weeks, and his scent was like a far off memory. He'd laughed when she'd hugged him, pressing herself as close as possible.

He'd let go first and she'd been disappointed. The tour of the venue was fun, seeing his band mates again, meeting Danny's girlfriend was nice. They'd hugged like they'd been friends for years; the camaraderie of two women surrounded by men. She'd offered a brownie, said they were home made. Danny was shaking his head behind her. Apparently the brownies had been inedible.

The tour ended with her being given a lanyard and she'd enjoyed the concert. Aftershow parties were a thing and as the band and crew gathered to celebrate surviving another concert, she noticed them then. There were other women; beautiful, sweet smelling and confident. She watched them mill around, chatting to the roadies.

She'd noticed one of them speaking to James and leaning closer. He didn't seem to mind and she watched. There was a whispered word and a brief touch before the moment severed and he followed her. She followed them with her eyes and could feel that strange sensation in her lower stomach.

Her eyes prickled. They'd gone to prom together, she was always there. Maybe that was it, she was always there, like a lamp, or a table. The ache was a raw, tangible thing and she had to walk, to leave the venue.

And so, dirt road it was. She sat on the gravel. It was raining a little and her mousey hair had long since gotten wet and was dripping down her arms. Her throat burned and she sniffed. The sound of gravel crunching underfoot made her look over her shoulder. Adam.

He was holding an umbrella, canting it over her head. His shoulders were starting to dampen now and he approached carefully, like she was a wounded animal.

"You ok, sunshine?" He said, gently.

Sunshine was what James always called her and it had become her nickname. She wiped her eyes again.

"Yeah, just needed some air. Thank you though." She said.

"Can I sit?" Adam asked.

"The grounds wet." She offered.

"No, I see that. I don't give a shit about wet pants." He said, and smiled wryly.

He seated himself next to her and sighed. He'd seen her dart off the moment the groupie had started speaking to Maynard. He'd watched her throughout the day, and he had no idea how Maynard didn't notice.

"What does she have that I don't?" She asked.

"Not a damn thing." Adam replied.

"She must do. It's because she's all legs, isn't it?" She said.

"Have you ever, I dunno, told Maynard how you actually feel?" He asked.

She looked at him and shook her head. Confessing could mean the end of the friendship, the end of something she valued and cherished.

"No, he won't want me." She admitted.

"You don't know that. You're assuming things. I think you should, for sure. Lemme get Justin to dump a bucket of water on him and that groupie." Adam said, standing.

"Is that a joke?" She asked.

He grinned and she watched him head back down the road. About 10 minutes later, footsteps approached again and she startled when arms wrapped around her. A familiar scent overwhelmed her senses.

"What's my Sunshine doing out here?" Maynard asked.

"Car spotting." She replied, softly.

"Like a shittier version of trainspotting." He said.

"Yeah, I guess. I saw a coyote." She said.

"Surprised you didn't 'dog whisper' it over here." He chuckled.

"I had Reeses in my pocket, but dogs can't have chocolate," She said. "Coyotes are like the Walmart version of dogs, right?"

He smiled more at that and let go of her and she felt the loss of his warmth. He sat down next to her on the road. She almost laughed when she noticed his t-shirt was wet.

"Yeah, yeah laugh it up. Justin threw a bucket of ice water on me." He said.

"I know." She replied.

"Oh, so you asked him to cock block me. That's cruel, Sunshine." He said.

"You hurt my feelings first." She insisted, and his easy smile faltered.

"Hey, don't look away. I hurt you, Sunshine. C'mon, talk to me. It's just me." He said.

She sniffled and her face crumpled as she burst into tears. Maynard was stunned to see this. Sunshine had always been cheerful. Her optimism complimented his rather cynical outlook and she rarely cried. Well, apart from the Marley and Me incident where she'd cried so hard she'd given herself a migraine. Now she was sobbing into her hands.

He gently tried to encourage her closer and she moved, taking the chance to climb into the space between his legs and lodging herself under his chin, hiccuping out more sobs. His left hand rubbed the very cold skin on her upper arm and his other hand stroked her hair, soothing her. She gradually calmed down, still letting out little sobs that eased into contented whimpers.

"Talk to me, please. I don't give a shit if anyone else cries, but you, you've always been there, Sunshine." He murmured.

Her skin prickled and he noticed. It was like a chemical reaction and when she lifted her head and looked at him; hazel eyes shining and water clogged in her lashes, it's almost obvious. She leaned closer and suddenly she was kissing him.

Soft. Her lips were so soft and warm. And there was a nervousness behind her movements. She wasn't used to kissing. Her lips almost moved back and he didn't want her to think she'd done something wrong. She apologised softly.

"Don't apologise, just come back." He whispered.

"I'm not very good at it," She said. "Not like the woman you were with earlier."

"I don't want to think about her, Sunshine. Not when I want to be kissing you. Just, for fucks sake." He sighed.

The hand in her hair dragged her back and his lips were on hers. She let him lead the kiss. His mouth moved against hers, passionate and coaxing a response from her. She responded and he pulled back, kissing her eyes and making her blush.

"There you go." He murmured.

He kissed her lips again, tongue tracing the seam of her lips and she let him in. Her own tongue met his in a soft, sensual dance. He tasted like whiskey; sweet and like amber. Her hands lifted and wound over his shoulders.

His mouth left hers and trailed down her jaw, leaving fire in its wake. He nipped at the delicate line of her neck and she tilted her head. Her eyes dropped and met his. His mouth slanted against hers again.

They pulled apart and her cheeks were aflame.

"So, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much did you like that?" Maynard asked. "And was it as much as I did?"

"I've wanted you to kiss me for a long time." She admitted.

*It's a competition now. Fine, I'll bite. Since we were 11 and we watched The Princess Bride. I wanted to marry you, Sunshine." He said.

"You did?" She squeaked out.

"Yeah, I'd have to be stupid not to. You're the most beautiful girl. I asked you to prom." He said.

"I thought it was because I was the last choice." She replied.

"God, Sunshine. You were the first, last and only choice." Maynard said.

"You went with that groupie earlier?" She whispered.

"I'm not a mind reader, Sunshine. I wouldn't have if you'd come over and said something, anything. I would go anywhere with you, would drop anything for you." He said.

"Could we go back to the bus?" She asked. "It's not for intimate stuff. I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't. No more apologising," He murmured, cupping her face. "I would wait an eternity for you."

"And if I asked for an eternity, and a day?" She teased, softly.

"As you wish, Sunshine." He said, and she smiled shyly.

A clap of thunder echoed across the way and she squeaked, tucking herself closer. They walked back to the bus, hand in hand, climbing the steps and walking to the back of the bus towards the bunks.

Outside the storm peaked and then finally calmed. The two of them cuddled under the blanket. She nestled closer and her eyes closed. The phone in her hand slipped slightly and Maynard glanced at her. He picked up the phone and paused the movie just as Buttercup realised the Dread Pirate Roberts is Westley.

[gabriel-xander]

Don't Forget

[Sans x Female!Reader]

40: You Know You're Better than This

Content Warnings for this Chapter:

- Internal debate regarding Morality - Internal debate about killing anything

Again, it’s not super jarring in my opinion, but it might be for some readers. Please proceed with caution.

♪────✿⁠(⁠✧◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕✧⁠)✿⁠────♪

You’re back in the Swap brother’s residence, standing around the living room like a bunch of losers. You have your hands up, cupping the fragment and presenting it to the group.

But none of them can see it.

“Dang, that’s crazy.”

Sans deadpans at your tone.

“Anyway, are you guys okay, though?” You frown in concern, “I mean, it’s not making you agitated or making your magic go fucky-wucky?”

“I PERSONALLY FEEL FINE.” S-Sans shrugs.

“yeah, same here. i dunno, maybe it’s because it’s in your hands now?” S-Papyrus suggests. “that stupid doll always has the worst intentions, maybe that energy kinda is what fucked with it.”

Bro is basically saying Temmie’s vibes were off, and now you’re giving the fragment good vibes.

“Hmm…” You eye the fragment, “That could be it…”

Amplified it.

“Or maybe the fragment was always like that, but Temmie amplified it ten-fold,” You add on, “And now that it’s in better hands, it calmed down? It IS still a soul, after all.”

S-Papyrus looks at you, impressed, “yeah, that could be it! you’re pretty smart, i wouldn’t rule it out.”

Wow, S-Papyrus giving you praise more openly? Actually it looks like all of their moods have improved significantly. The effect of collecting it seems instantaneous. You’re glad you did it as soon as you did.

“i should put it away for now,” Sans holds a hand out, “don’t want it out in the open and you constantly worrying about it.”

You don’t feel a resistance to the idea, you would imagine there’d be the Voices™ telling you so, so you allow it. Sans waits until he feels the weight of it in his hand. He tries to look at it from different angles, maybe in a different light he’ll be able to see it.

No dice.

He snaps it away, leaving it in the void with the Gaster Blaster.

You remember seeing it.

You will suppress that memory. 💙✨💫💅

“Well…! That was certainly a fucked up adventure, huh?” You stretch your hands above your head, “I wanna shower really bad.”

“YEAH…”

“yeah…”

“same here…”

“…”

“…Dibs!”

They all groan in displeasure. Ha-ha! Fuck yeah! You pump your win at your success. After the fucking day you had, you had better get the first call to the shower.

Your duffel bag is still by the couch, so you quickly get some clothes to change into and hurry to the washroom upstairs. You know there are extra towels in their cabinet based on your previous sneaking around last night.

Should you be a bitch and take a long, full shower? Or will you be a pal and take a quick shower?

…You’ll decide once you get in there.

──

They didn’t mean to have the conversation without you, but they were not going to just wait possibly 30-40 minutes for you to get out of the shower.

They might be on better terms with each other now, but still not enough to sit with each other in silence.

Sans is holding up the mini-dj to them, “it’s fine now, but it needs to recharge for about a day. after that, it’ll be enough to take [y/n] and i back to our au.”

“WHY DOES IT NEED SO LONG? YOU BARELY USED IT.”

“you think this thing runs on infinite power?” Sans answers his counterpart, “it was using a lot of its stored-up magic energy to locate the fragment in the first place. it can regenerate its own magic, but it’s gonna need time to make the full jump back to a whole other universe.”

S-Papyrus smiles, “sounds good. it’ll be nice to hang out, anyway. i guess you’re pretty chill.”

“of course i’m chill. i’ve been outside for the last two hours.” Sans winks.

“hah, that’s true, isn’t it? no wonder you’re such a cool dude.”

“awe, don’t sell yourself short. that’s usually reserved for me.”

“i guess being nice to myself isn’t such a tall order.”

“for sure. for one, you’re such a humerus guy!”

“UGH, GREAT! NOW THERE’S TWO OF THEM!” S-Sans throws his hands up in defeat, marching towards the front door, “I CANNOT STAND FOR THIS!”

S-Papyrus snickers behind his hand, “no worries, bro. wanna take a seat instead?”

“THAT WAS TERRIBLE.” S-Sans opens the door, “I AM GOING TO FIND THE HUMAN CHILD TO TELL THEM WE ARE ALL OKAY. IF THEY ARE NOT BUSY, I MIGHT RETURN WITH THEM.”

S-Papyrus waves him goodbye, but S-Sans doesn’t look back to see. The younger one doesn’t seem to mind it though. 

“you know,” Sans tells S-Papyrus as soon as the door closes, “the kid might not be happy with us getting rid of that weed–eh, the uh, the doll thing.”

S-Papyrus shrugs his shoulders and says, “maybe. but maybe they’ll understand. if not, it’s not like i’ll remember any of this if they make a reset. this isn’t the first time i cause that thing a couple of resets anyway.”

Sans widens his eyes, his smile threatening to fall off.

“…what? what do you mean? you don’t… you don’t remember them?”

S-Papyrus understands instantly, “hey…”

Sans shakes his head, laughing humorlessly, “no. don’t. ugh… man, of course, i got the short end of the stick across the multiverse.”

“can’t be that bad. i mean, you got yourself a girlfriend. one who can actually stick with you during all this sci-fi crap.”

Yeah, a girlfriend that Sans nearly lost because of his own inadequacies. He never would’ve brought you along if he knew your life would be in danger in any way. Maybe next time he should just go alone…

Sans blushes, looking down, “yeah, guess so. you might get yourself a partner too, you know.”

This time, it’s S-Papyrus’ turn to blush and roll his eyes. “yeah, right. how did that happen, anyway? you and the human?”

“dunno. [y/n] told me as much as she could. she just fell in one day when on a hike with her friend.”

“and the friend wasn’t there with her?”

“apparently not. she said that he–that elliot and her had missed each other when going up the mountain.” Sans keeps the explanation short, “in our au, we don’t have that doll, we have a damn flower. she said that it dragged her down by force.”

“huh…” S-Papyrus frowns, “you know that’s weird, right?”

“uh, yeah. very much.”

“the doll, temmie, it never did anything like that before. not that i remember or have been told about it, at least. there must be a reason…”

Sans shifts his weight to the other foot, debating something in his head for a moment. He comes to a conclusion rather quickly, luckily. It wouldn’t hurt to discuss this with someone who shares a similar position as him. Maybe Sans can be given a different perspective on things or insight on matters he hasn’t considered before.

“our human–their name is frisk–they haven’t been to the underground in months. i kept track, it’s been over six damn months–no, actually that’s before [y/n] showed up. it’s been close to eleven months by now.”

S-Papyrus looks shocked, as he should fucking be after hearing that shit. It’s not like S-Papyrus can remember the past Resets, but he knows there’s been a lot based on the expression on Chara’s face when he “first meets them.” He can’t imagine what it must be like for someone who can actually remember. Someone so paranoid about when the day could Reset, and it will all be gone.

Sans seems like a decent skeleton, S-Papyrus would hate for him to suffer more than he needs to.

“would it be messed up if i hope the kid human never comes back in your timeline?” S-Papyrus offers.

Sans finds his smile to turn more genuine and grateful. “no, not at all.”

“you think…” S-Papyrus hesitates. “if–when chara stops coming by, that’s when my version of [y/n] will show up?”

“maybe it will be elliot instead,” Sans jokes, “after all, everything is swapped in this universe.”

S-Papyrus doesn’t say it out loud, won’t say it out loud, but he isn’t sure how to feel about that. He’s sure Elliot will be great and all, but… S-Papyrus has already gotten the pleasure of knowing you, not Elliot.

Sans winces minutely, waving a dismissive hand, “but who’s to say, right?”

The taller skeleton snorts, “oh, what? so only you get the girl in the end?”

“ha-ha! hey man, i’m lucky she even wants a piece of this. i ain’t about to risk it for shit.”

Not anymore, anyway.

Swap-Papyrus almost sounds jealous as he smiles: “good for you, man. i’m… i’m glad you have that.”

The taller skeleton mentions something of water, walking away towards the kitchen for just that.

Sans knows S-Papyrus meant it genuinely, but it does have him thinking.

Sans is fortunate to have you, isn’t he? He says it all the time, over and over, but Sans hasn’t fully wrapped his skull around the magnitude of that. Of just how fucking lucky he is that you, of all people–beautiful, intelligent, hilarious, kind, wonderful you–want him in any way.

He is seeing it now first-hand, that not every Au is going to have a wonderful you. And if they are, they will never be the true, original version of you that Sans gets to have.

All. For. Himself.

Sans was just complaining earlier, but honestly? He has to be the luckiest version of himself in the entire multiverse just for having you.

But that’s what makes this all the more scary for him. You could’ve died today were it not for the fact that things just happened to work out for you. If he knew…

You would probably find some way to convince him though, right? And honestly… He needed you to find that fragment. Sans and the others couldn’t even see it! You knew so much about it too, things Sans needs to know but he doesn’t for some reason.

In a purely logical stance, you need to be with Sans for these endeavors.

Sans doesn’t like the idea at all, though. He might be a skeleton of science, but he’s not above admitting that seeing you get hurt scared the fucking life out of him.

──

You are squeaky clean and out of the shower after 20 minutes! You’re chilling on the couch while S-Papyrus sits across from you on the floor. Since you’ll be staying the night again, he didn’t want to dirty the couch by sitting on it. Sans had shortcut to the washroom right after you since he couldn’t stand his damp clothes.

The lanky monster told you what Sans told him and his brother about your departure, how it would be sometime tomorrow when the mini-dj is recharged. You can’t help but feel a little disappointed at that, but you keep that to yourself.

However, now that times are simpler, S-Papyrus is taking the time to explain how the mini-dj most likely worked. He’s not the builder of it himself, so he could only come to some guesses and possible explanations. But what he failed to realize is that you’re dumb as shit when it comes to this topic, so you couldn’t refute him for anything that could be wrong.

Because you couldn’t fucking tell otherwise.

The door opens and someone runs in, but you are more focused on the monster sitting with you and what he was saying. Though whoever ran in, jumps on the back of the couch right next to you.

Chara smiles widely at you, their hair an absolute mess and their clothes ruffled and dirty. They wave at you, and only then do you notice they’re not holding their notebook.

“Hey, little man!” You greet them with the energy they’re giving you, “Wow, you had an adventure when we were gone?”

They nod eagerly, kicking their legs in the air. As S-Sans starts talking, Chara grabs your hand and puts it on their head, making you give them head rubs.

Eugh, you can feel dirt and snow in their hair. Looks like everyone needs a bath today. You power through it since you can just wash your hands in a bit.

“THE HUMAN AND ASRIEL WERE PLAYING WITH THE OTHER KIDS IN THE AREA.” S-Sans closes the door, Chara’s notebook in his hands, “I THINK THEY WERE PLAYING A KICKBALL GAME THAT HAD NO RULES OR REASONING.”

“Ahh, a free-for-all kickball game,” You nod understandingly, “You guys had a lot of fun though?”

Chara nods again, reluctantly pulling away so they can hop off the couch. They hold their hands out for their notebook, giving a nod of thanks to S-Sans. They lean the book against the back of the couch to write before showing it to you (and S-Papyrus).

*How did your guy’s adventure go? Did you find the thing you needed to go home?

“Sure did, kiddo. It was a piece of cake.”

“speaking of cake,” S-Papyrus pipes in, “wanna stay over for tonight and bake one?”

Chara widens their eyes.

*Yes, please! But what’s the occasion?

You tell them: “Since we found what we needed, my Sans and I will be leaving sometime tomorrow.”

*Oh… ok. So soon?

“Ah, well…” You look around for help, but S-Sans and S-Papyris look at you with expectant amusement. “I mean, I did take ten days off work and it’s barely been two. But, I don’t know. I can’t make that decision without Sans, so I’ll talk to him about it later, alright?”

*Ok!

By the time Sans gets out of the shower, you and the others are watching TV together, lounging lazily on the couch. Everyone is so dirty, that they got banned to the floor. Even when Chara tried pulling some puppy eyes on you, you’re a stone-cold enough bitch to say no.

You’re not paying attention to the show at all, you think it’s some NTT show or other. The rectangle robot with a blue cap on screen is having a rap battle, absolutely wrecking the small monster girl opponent.

…It reminds you of DustTrust Phase 3, Slaughter in the Spotlight. You can’t explain why.

What’s the worse one to end up in: DustTrust, or the Sans Hates Women Au?

God, how fucking terrible would it be if you ended up in the Sans Hates Women Au? Should you tell Sans about that Au just to see how he reacts? Probably not.

S-Papyrus jumps up to his feet when Sans makes it downstairs. “dibs on the next shower!”

His brother groans, but since he is too slow to call dibs, he must stay on the floor and continue waiting. Everyone knows the international dibs protocol, so it’s good that he’s respecting the rules. Eager to be clean, S-Papyrus just shortcuts to, presumably, his room then the washroom.

Chara frowns and scribbles in their notebook.

*I did notice that Sans and Papyrus are pretty dirty just now. And if the other Sans was in the shower too… Did something happen?

If Chara is asking, then that means S-Sans didn’t tell them about your run-in with Temmie. That might be for the best. You’re not sure if you want to be around for that conversation. From the subtle look S-Sans is giving you too, you think you’re right.

You sit up properly on the couch, “I told you we found the missing piece, but not how or where. It was deep in downtown Snowdin forest. Like, really deep. It was really hard to dig it out.”

That’s lying by omission, but you’re not technically wrong. You don’t feel bad for lying this time, but also you do because you’re keeping the state of Temmie a secret-

Sans sits right next to you, his side flushed against yours. His arm drapes behind you on the couch rest, hand landing on your shoulder so casually. Sans is dressed the same as before, just missing his trademark jacket.

He smiles at you, and you smile back.

The sound of Chara writing in their book brings your attention back to them.

*Oh, ok I understand! By the way other Sans…

Sans raises a bone-brow, “me? what is it, kid?”

*Do you really have to leave so soon? [Y/n] told me that you 2 have technically 10 DAYS of vacation!

Sans looks at you slowly, “uhh… [y/n] and i can talk about that later.”

“Yes,” You glare playfully at the child, “That’s exactly what I told them already.”

Chara smiles nervously and whistles while looking away. However, they don’t know how to whistle so they’re just accidentally blowing small spit bubbles.

S-Sans stands to his feet, stretching his arms upward and popping his back audibly. “I JUST REMEMBERED I MUST REPORT BACK TO ALPHYS. I SHOULD DO SO BEFORE IT GETS ANY LATER.”

“Report back? Did you go see her this morning?” You ask.

“INDEED, I DID. IT WAS NECESSARY SO I COULD CANCEL OUR EARLY TRAINING. THOUGH NOW THAT I AM NO LONGER BUSY, I SHOULD TELL HER AS SUCH.”

“boooo,” Sans gives the other a thumbs down, “just stay in for today, it’s lazy sunday.”

“IT’S TUESDAY.”

“i said what i said.”

What? No, both of these two are fucking idiots, it’s fucking Thursday.

You called off work on Wednesday, arrived in UnderSwap the same day, and spent one night. It’s now midday–it should be Thursday.

Unless these are the effects of time travel alongside dimensional jumping? If so, keeping track of time is going to get very challenging.

You should create a handbook/calendar to keep track of days whenever you and Sans embark on these adventures.

You clear your throat, “If you do, you should probably wait until after you can shower. She’ll definitely be able to recognize you got into a… you know.”

“AH.” S-Sans snaps his fingers, “YOU ARE CORRECT. IN THE MEANTIME THEN, LET’S FINISH THIS SHOW!!”

The skeleton sits his boney ass back down next to Chara. He puts his hands behind himself to lean back, watching the screen with those starry eyes of his.

You grab the folded blanket and spread it out over you and Sans, snuggling closer to him because you’re a cheesy bastard. You bring your legs up on the couch and slouch a bunch, getting into that comfortable gay posture. Sans lowers the arm that was behind you so that it’s properly around your shoulders.

Finally, you take a look at the screen.

NTT, Napstaton, is posing dramatically behind a DJ mixer set.

…

S-Sans looks enthralled.

Good for him, honestly.

You’re not paying attention to the screen at all, mostly fiddling with Sans’ hands under the covers (No, that is NOT a euphemism for something else. You’re not that much of a degenerate, there are kids around!). You doubt Sans is paying attention either, probably sleeping with his eyes open because he’s a fucking pro like that.

Poke, poke.

You look down at Chara who has crawled to the side of the couch. They hold up their notebook.

*Remember earlier, you asked me if it was easier if we… signed?

“Ah, right.” You introduce yourself in ASL as an example. “Sign Language.”

*Can you teach me some of that?

Ughhh, you kind of don’t want toooo! You wanna be lazy and just do nothingggg!

“Sure,” You sigh with a passive smile, “I don’t see why not.”

You unfortunately must untangle yourself from your boy-toy to do this. S-Sans turns around with curiosity, watching quietly to watch this unfold.

You bundle up your baby boy Sans tucking him in so he’s just a bundle of blankets and a head on the couch. His eyes can barely peak over the top.

So cute.

He looks so cozy.

You sit more properly on the couch, “Alright, first things first. Wanna learn the alphabet?”

Chara nods eagerly as S-Sans turns fully around.

“WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?” He asks.

“Gonna teach them Sign Language. It’s another form of communication so they don’t have to keep writing so much.”

“CAN I LEARN AS WELL SO I MAY SPEAK WITH THE HUMAN?”

You smile, “Yeah, of course. I’m sure Chara would appreciate that too, right?”

The child agrees with excitement, practically bouncing in place at the prospect. S-Sans settles next to the little human, sitting back on his legs with his hands ready on his lap.

You spend the next 10 minutes with them going through the letters of the English alphabet. You went through it all once, then went back to slowly go over with them again. Unsurprisingly, “m, n,” “p, q,” and “t” are the ones you need to go back on the most.

They get it down faster than you thought they would, but you suppose you underestimated them. Papyrus (and thus, S-Sans) always proves to be smarter than anyone gives him credit for, and you think with all the Resets, the child must’ve aged mentally, too.

“That’s pretty good so far, I’m impressed, guys!” You clap your hands together, “I’m not a pro at teaching someone sign language, so I’m not really sure where to start first… To keep things simple, how about I show you how to introduce yourself?”

“what’re you guys up to?”

Woah, you didn’t even hear S-Papyrus come down. He must’ve shortcut down here in that case. He’s wearing the same shit as last time, just cleaner.

You wonder what it’d be like to not have personal body odor so you can wear the same shit every fucking day. You know they have the same copy of their shirts and pants and whatever, but still.

“[Y/N] IS TEACHING US HOW TO USE SIGN LANGUAGE!” S-Sans beams up at his brother, “WE JUST FINISHED LEARNING THE ALPHABET.”

“oh? pretty cool,” He points his thumb over his shoulder, “it’s your turn to shower, bro.”

S-Sans groans in reluctance. He was bitching when S-Papyrus got in the shower before him, and now he’s bitching that he has to step away from the lesson to shower. He is a little too relatable.

“[Y/N], WILL YOU CONTINUE TO TEACH ME ONCE I FINISH?”

MANNN! You really did not mean for this to turn into an actual lesson thing!

“Of course,” You tell him anyway because you lack the balls when it comes to small matters like these.

Pleased, the shorter monster is more willing to drag himself up to get himself clean. Lucky for him, he showers with his battle body, so it’s a 2-for-1 deal!

“After Sans is finished, you need to wash up too-” You look at the clock. Damn, it’s not as late as you thought. “-and get ready for a late lunch. It’s almost 5 pm.”

Chara does a full eye roll with their head but agrees nonetheless. This is a perfect teaching moment. You scooch over to Sans to let S-Papyrus sit on the couch.

“Hey, hold your dominant hand up like this,” You hold up your fist, “then move it up and down like this, like how you would nod your head yes.”

Chara follows your instructions. In your peripheral vision, so does S-Papyrus.

“That’s how you say yes.” You smile teasingly, “So, I’ll say this again. After Sans is finished, you need to wash up as well, okay?”

Chara giggles silently as they frantically say “yes” in sign.

“seems easy enough,” S-Papyrus sits up straighter, “mind if i join you guys?”

“Not at all, the more, the merrier. As a matter of fact,” You turn your head to your bone boy, “You wanna join us, too?”

The cozy skeleton pulls his hand out from the covers, showing you random letters from the alphabet. Actually, they’re not random at all, are they?

You need to think about the letters he’s putting together to spell it out in your head.

You deadpan when you finally realize-

“been paying attention all along.”

────

It has been… really tiring today.

With what went on with Temmie, then entertaining Chara for the rest of the night since they wanted to spend time with you. That was fine and everything, but you’re allowed to want to relax and not deal with kids.

Baking was a fucking disaster, too. S-Papyrus had to buy something from Muffet’s instead because of the fucking monstrosity that came crawling out of the fucking oven-

…

You don’t want to think about it anymore.

Anyway, it’s bedtime for all of you fucks. Chara is sleeping over, so they’re bunking with S-Sans and his big race car bed.

You wonder what it must be like to cruise while you snooze…

Readying the couch, you remember something you meant to mention before.

“Oh, Sans. I forgot to tell you something.”

Sans is sitting on the floor again, writing in his journal. He looks up to give you his full attention, left eye glowing that beautiful cyan and yellow.

You grin, “Gaster says hi, and congrats on the relationship.”

Sans groans and lightly thumps his forehead on his open journal.

“y’know, i have very fuzzy memories of the guy, so i can’t say if that’s new of him or not,” Sans straightens up with a light blush, “but if it turns out that he is the type of dad to embarrass his own spawn on purpose, i don’t know what i’m gonna do.”

You laugh with him, keeping as quiet as you can since the others are already asleep or are trying to.

“by the way,” Sans hums, “when we were searchin’ for the fragment, how did you know how to find it? actually, you knew a lot of things that i didn’t…”

You scrunch your nose, “Let me tell you when we finally get back to our Au?”

“hm? sure, i can wait.”

“Thank you.”

You and Sans fall into a comfortable silence after that, not needing to fill the silence to enjoy each other’s company.

You sit on the couch with the blanket over your legs, writing in your own notebook. It’s been a while since you had the time to just sit and write. You still enjoy writing down all the things you’ve learned about monsters and the Underground and all the magic.

Like right now, you’re writing down the things Gaster has been sharing with you. More accurately, his explanation of the Core and what it does. You just think it’s neat.

You might not understand the science about it, but that doesn’t make it less fascinating for you. Sans might know about this stuff too, but maybe he’ll like reading it over later anyway.

You close the notebook and set it on the floor by the couch, making sure it won’t be in the way when you get up. As that is happening, Sans either has gotten bored with writing or maybe he wants to accompany you on the couch. Either way, he snaps his journal away and gets up slowly. Sans moves to the couch, raising the covers to get under next to you.

Blinking, his glowing eye goes back to normal, leaving you both in semi-darkness. As dark as it could be when the outside world is still bright outside due to no Day-Night cycle.

“lemme ask you something,” Sans starts quietly, keeping in mind the other residents in the house.

You hum for him to continue. Sans shifts your arm so that he can hook his arm with yours, interlocking his hand with yours. Luckily the ghost pain has faded now, so you’re able to comfortably do so.

“the thing the kid said earlier–did you really want to stay longer?”

“Uhm… I don’t really know…” You say that, but then immediately remember Gaster’s desire for Sans to make connections with more people. “I mean, it would be really fun, I think. You know, like a nice break. We don’t even have to do anything here if you don’t want to.”

The corner of his already smiling lips (lips?) quirks up more, “this is gonna sound funny, but it does feel safer for you to be here. the flower back in our au is still alive, but the fl–the doll in this one is gone. there isn’t really a threat against you here.”

You smile, “Not true. This Au’s Undyne is Alphys, and the Sans here is just as close to her as Papyrus was with Undyne.”

“yeah… maybe we shouldn’t stay here then.”

Oh, God. It’s time to pull this card. You really didn’t want to since you feel so entitled, but you have your own separate mission to complete.

“But I want to.” You state firmly.

Sans searches your face for anything, a small discrepancy that he can exploit to find any excuse at all to refuse you.

He can’t seem to bring himself to do it anyway.

Sans lets out a deep sigh, “maybe we can stay a few more days, then. does that work?”

“Yes, thank you! And really, there isn’t a need to stay here longer than we really have to, so it’s a good compromise, right?”

You can’t help but feel bad for Papyrus, too. Sure, he expressed his disinterest in this stuff, but you still love the guy and want him to be included. Also, you can’t simply drag these things out just because Gaster wants you to. You have responsibilities now in that Au.

Now that he’s holding your hand, he brings it above the covers and looks at your palm.

“are you really okay?” Sans asks quietly.

“There was some ghost pain earlier, but my back and hands healed just fine.”

You think so, anyway. Every time you look down, you’re expecting your hands to be bleeding and torn and horrific to boot. You almost want to see and feel the pain that came with your experience today, but there isn’t anything.

It’s kind of fucking with your head…

“no, no. i…” He thinks about how he wants to navigate this, “i saw that look on your face. when i finally caught up to you and you were holding down the doll. you hated it. but… you also liked it. hurting that doll-freak, i mean.”

…Yeah…

“it also said that you have a lot of LOVE, and,” Sans runs the back of his head with his other hand, “it’s not my business, i know that, so i won’t ask. and you know i’m not gonna try looking for myself.”

He wants to look so bad, you bet. You bet that it’s killing him inside, knowing that you have a high enough LV to get Temmie going fucking feral for you. He probably wants to pull you into a battle just to check your stats.

Sans is not going to do that or push you about it because he knows who you are, and he respects you, and respects your autonomy.

But you bet it’s fucking killing him inside.

You shift so your body is facing him properly. “What about you, Sans?”

You’re deflecting, Sans knows that. Were this conversation happening even just a few days ago, he would’ve deflected right back. However, in recent events, recent conversations, and self-reflections since upon arriving to this Au, Sans realized something else on top of everything.

Sometimes, you’re going to be the one who reaches out to him. Sometimes, you’re going to be the one who initiates actions or conversations. Sometimes, you’re going to back off when you realize you’ve gone too far. Sometimes, you’ll do everything you can to make sure to accommodate Sans in any way.

And sometimes, Sans is going to have to be the one who does the same for you.

You’re deflecting right now, and normally, Sans would defect right back.

This is one of those times where Sans has to be the one to carry on even when he doesn’t want to. Because he is so certain you would do the same if the roles were reversed.

“i’ve been through a lot of hurt, and i’ve been through enough to be able to hurt others.” Sans moves as well to face you, never letting go of your hand. “after doing something like what i did to that doll? i know i can sleep comfortably at night.”

Your face scrunches up, looking down at your lap.

No, Sans didn’t kill Temmie. For the sake of not fucking up too much, he left that honor to S-Papyrus. Since Temmie is just a doll with no Soul, and this is a Pacifist timeline, it didn’t have any ExP either. Sans isn’t going to tell you that though, the part where it was actually the other skeleton who finished the job.

Sans tilts his head, “but you’re not like that. just because you have the capacity to hurt, it doesn’t mean you enjoy it, not really. not in the way other people enjoy hurting other people.”

“I don’t know. Maybe. I was trying not to think about it too much, if I’m honest,” You mumble, “I think if it came down to it, if I really needed to, I think I could’ve finished Temmie off myself. But… I wouldn’t have enjoyed it. Maybe in the past, I…”

“you what?”

Ohhh, God. You’re really doing this.

This isn’t a part of your past you like to talk about with anyone. You can’t keep it a complete secret, but you don’t think now is the time to get too deep into it either.

Still, Sans deserves an explanation, a reason behind your thoughts and feelings on the matter. Besides, he has to find out sooner or later.

“When I was younger, yeah. I fought all the time. I don’t consider myself a fighter, but that doesn’t mean I’m ignorant to it,” You start measuring your hand with Sans’ trying to keep your hands busy. “Now that I’m older, after what I’ve been through, I don’t enjoy it at all. Maybe it also has to do with the fact that Chara reminded me of something that I don’t have.”

“and that is?”

“The ability to Save and Reset,” You laugh humorlessly.

Sans tenses up.

“If something happens to me, there is no do-overs for me. I can’t do what they do. And with Temmie… putting myself in their shoes is too easy. Knowing that if my life ends, there is a way to bring me back, but I am not the one who gets to decide if that happens. That power is in someone else’s hands,” You shake your head, “I know it’s silly, and maybe even wrong of me. But I felt bad for them. I felt scared for them.”

You sit in silence with him for a short time. Sans is thinking over what you just dropped on him. Hints of your violent past, your confirmation that there is a little more to you (though he already suspected as such).

And an even bigger reminder that Sans cannot be careless or slack off at all when it comes to you. Frisk is not here, and your Determination is not stronger than theirs because you cannot Save or Reset.

If Flowey gets you, if Undyne gets you–Fuck! If Asgore ever learns about you (he thinks he already does) and decides to do something about it…

Caring for someone is so tough. Caring for a human is tough.

“you’re so sweet for caring at all. even after what happened, you’re able to feel that deeply for someone like that.” He murmurs.

You think about Kōrenki. You think about the night you nearly beat someone to death with your bare hands. Were it not for Kōrenki pulling you away before it was too late, that person would’ve died because of you.

You think about the words Kōrenki told you that changed your perspective for good.

The words that were the starting point of putting you on a better path of life, and changed you to who you are not.

“Life is precious,” You whisper weakly, “If you take it, do not take it lightly.”

Sans thinks those words over carefully, having a strong understanding that those words mean something to you. He understands that and is taking more time to really think them over.

He… No, he can’t say he never thought of it that way. More accurately, he stopped thinking that way after all this time.

After all these years, he’s forgotten. He is the Judge who has turned himself into the Executioner. Not that he has ever killed for no reason, but he has gotten too comfortable with having to be the one to do it.

Sans saw it in Swap-Papyrus too when they killed Temmie. That ability to hurt others, without it hurting yourself.

To think that Sans was worried of how violent and dangerous you could be when he first heard about you. But in the end, he’s the heartless one between you two, and you are the fragile one.

He will not coddle you, but Sans will protect you.

Sans tugs your hand hard enough for you to fall against his side. You do nothing to move away, welcoming the affection. He maneuvers you so that your head rests on his shoulder, using magic passively so that it’s a comfortable rest for you.

Sans kisses your temple, his magic tingling you as he speaks against your skin.

“you’re good, [y/n]. you are so good. i pro–i swear to you now, that i’ll make sure you are never in a position where you feel like you have to go that far,” He removes his hand from yours to hug your shoulders, “what happened today, let me be the one to take care of it. now, and in the future, i’ll take care of it for you. trust in me. i can handle it.”

Inexplicably, your eyes start to water. Your soul is so heavy with mixed emotions–good and bad. Sans’ reassurance, Sans’ promise declaration to you, his touch and affections, you never expected it and it’s so much.

Yet, it’s so good.

You’re crying because of multiple reasons, silently but not alone.

“I don’t ever want either of us to be in that position. I’m not naive enough to believe that Mercy is the only way to solve every problem, but I want to believe that maybe it can be anyway.”

Sans kisses your temple again, “i know. i’m sorry today went the way it did.”

“‘S not your fault.”

“i know.”

You lean closer to him, sniffling, “Let’s go to sleep now, Sans. I’m so exhausted.”

“same here. i can nap all night.”

You smile, “I think that's called… sleeping.”

Your smile, as small or fleeting as it may be at the moment, is such a reward.

Sans snorts, nuzzling his cheek on yours, “tomato, to-ma-to.”

Tags:

@lemonboy011

@adriixboo

@fetusbaconegg

@fluffyart5000

[howlingday]

TAURUS TEACHES:

HOW TO BE COOL!

Adam: Hey, hey, dude! Welcome back to another class in coolness! I see you've done your homework~.

Ruby: (Dressed like 90s cool stereotype) Yeh.

Adam: You're looking slick, man! Real cool! Awesome job! A plus for sure! How we feelin', mah man~?

Ruby: Cool~!

Adam: Sick! Today, we're gonna talk about talking. You've got the look, but you talk with a certain lack of confidence. Ya feel me? Quiet like, and like a Signal student like. Ya feel me?

Ruby: (Whines)

Adam: That's what I'm talking about, man! Speak up! How old are you?!

Ruby: I'm 43!

Adam: See, that's not- Holy shit, you're 43?

Ruby: Yeh.

Adam: That's no way for a person of your age to be talking.

Ruby: Well, that's why I'm here, I guess.

Adam: Exactly right, Rube! You're at the right place! Adam Taurus will get you sorted out! First, I want you to project. With your voice.

Ruby: Like- Right now? Here? On the street?

Adam: No better place! Say something loudly, immediately!

Ruby: Well, wh-what should I say?

Adam: The COOLEST thing you can think of!

Ruby: I- I CALL MY DAD OFTEN~!

Nora: (Distant) Oh, that's nice~! I should call my dad~!

Adam: Man, that's not cool! Hm... The projection was right, but the subject matter's lacking. Calling your dad isn't that cool.

Ruby: (Gasps)

Adam: Now, without shouting it, tell me something cool.

Ruby: Hm... I have NO credit card debt~!

Adam: No.

Ruby: Um... I cut drinking coffee because it's too acidic, so now I'm more of a tea gal~.

Adam: No!

Ruby: My apartment is spotless!

Adam: ...I think you're fundamentally misunderstanding what it is "cool". To be cool is to be a bit BAD! Be a RULE-BREAKER! Being RUDE, IRRESPONSIBLE, PUNCHING, KICKING, HAVING SEX, AND EATING BUGS! ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE UP FOR THIS~?!

Ruby: I AM! I AM~!

Adam: Alright! That's what I wanna hear! But you need to start small... Say the worst swear you know!

Ruby: Like, now? Right on the street?

Adam: YES, HERE ON THE STREET!

Ruby: Hm... Heck.

Adam: I'm sure you know worse words than heck.

Ruby: Frick?

Adam: You're not even trying.

Ruby: It's impolite.

Adam: Exactly. Say a swear.

Ruby: Um... Uh, hell?

Adam: ...Okay~! (Nods) Now we're talkin'! Keep goin'~!

Ruby: (Hums) Shit!

Adam: Yeah... Yeah, that's cool~!

Ruby: (Giggles) FUCK!

Adam: WHOA~! YEAH~! Can you use it in a sentence~?!

Ruby: I... fuck... pussy!

Adam: ...That's amazing. Okay, I think that's enough to warm us up. Now, project again, big and loud, and say the coolest, baddest, wickedest thing you can think of!

Ruby: (Chuckles) Okay~!

Ruby: [Censorship is the suppression of speech, public communication, or other information. This may be done on the basis that such material is considered objectionable, harmful, sensitive, or "inconvenient".] FATHER- [General censorship occurs in a variety of different media, including speech, books, music, films, and other arts, the press, radio, television, and the Internet for a variety of claimed reasons including national security, to control obscenity, pornography, and hate speech, to protect children or other vulnerable groups, to promote or restrict political or religious views, and to prevent slander and libel.] ATLAS ACADEMY~!

Adam: ...

Adam: I- Oh my god. Oh my- Oh my god, you can't say that!

Nora: DO YOU TALK TO YOUR DAD LIKE THAT?!

Ruby: No! No! I-I was just-

Adam: No, no, no. Absolutely not. That's not cool at all.

Ruby: I- I'm sorry~!

Adam: I dunno. That's just... (Takes off mask) You don't really think that, do you?

Ruby: Of course not!

Adam: Okay. (Sighs) God... I'm just- It's my fault, really. I'm the instructor, I could've... I dunno. But that's a failing grade for today. Definitely a fucking F- for sure!

Ruby: Should we... meet tomorrow?

Adam: We definitely should, but we need to leave this part of town immediately. Walk the other way. I'll message you. (Leaves)

Nora: YEAH, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE! (Launches grenades at Ruby)

Ruby: (Screaming as she flees)

Nora: SOOOO! RUUUDE!

[echantedtoon]

Ok. So I figured I'd do a part 2 of this now. These are just my opinions on who'd be the best parents out of all the Lower Moons but I'm gonna switch up the order from Worst dads/Moms to Best dads/moms. No real order other than that though. If you disagree with any of these then that's perfectly fine.

However I will absolutely NOT include Rui for VERY OBVIOUS reasons.

KAMANUE/MUKAGO/WAKURABA/ROKURO:

-Honestly not much is known about these four other than they were killed during Enmu 's introduction. However I don't think any would be good parents considering how cowardly and selfish they came off during the limited time they were around.

0/10 Only because of limited info and selfishness shown

UBUME:

-(A lower moon from one of the OVA Kny mangas for those who don't know who she is.) Dunno much about her but like Nakime gives the childfree impression.

0/10 again mostly due to limited info

SUSAMARU:

-Has no idea how to parent or what to do with a baby.

-Is more of the 'Fun Aunt' than the actual mom. She gets bored easily and just hands them over to you before skedaddling.

-Similar to Douma, you have to do all of the parenting because Susamaru will just let her children run wild letting them do whatever they want. However unlike Douma, she won't actively take care of them other than making sure they don't die.

2/10 Better than the first ones but has no real interest being a parent

YAHABA:

-Mans a neat freak. So once he hears about having a child expect him to keep away five feet when you get morning sickness.

-He will begrudgingly bring you foods you're craving, things you need, etc but don't expect him to go anywhere near you when you're sick or when baby's born. The germophobe.

-Will legit not go ANYWHERE near the baby until they're about ten due to kids being messy monsters. Only time he touches them is when he insists on bath time. Bath time is pretty much mandatory for him and insists that the baby gets two baths a day and one during the middle of the night....You have to put your foot down on this.

-Wont let anyone harm them but still doesn't touch them until they are old enough to not be caked on in dirt. Strict dad even when they're a teenager. Very strict rules especially when it comes to hygiene an training.

4/10 Not the worst definitely but is too strict

HAIROU:

-(Another Lower Moon from the OVA Kny mangas. Actually know about him since I have the book he's in.) Complicated relationship. REALLY BIG complicated relationship.

-Doesn't hate the kid but doesn't legit know what to do with a baby. You gotta reassure this man. Will keep his distance. Will help you by getting things you need and doing things you ask and making sure you're ok but will still keep his distance even when the kiddos born.

-Will keep his distance and help you with a few things at first but slowly starts to get closer. Holding them always ends with him staring down with mixed feelings. Legit not sure what to do or feel.

-When his kid gets older he'll start teaching them how to use guns and be proud of them for wanting to learn with him. It becomes a comfortable bonding time with them even if it gives you a heart attack every time you see him trying to have them aim a rifle that's WAY to big for them.

-Takes them on hunting trips a lot and shows them how to successfully hunt deer and other animals.

-Teaches them all about different kinds of guns and starts giving them some of his to start their own collection...You safely put them away until they're actually old enough to use them.

-Sometimes you'll walk in to Hairou cleaning his guns while his kiddo is asleep on his shoulders wearing his hat. He acts like it's not even happening.

-Gets his kid a wolf pup as a pet giving you another heart attack.

6/10 He has no idea what to do most of the time but he's trying his best to be there.

ENMU:

-Actually surprisingly doesn't react other than a casual response when you first tell him- "Enmu, I'm pregnant." "That's nice, Honey. Do you want udon for dinner tonight?"

-It legit catches you so off guard that you have to confirm he heard you right and that he wasn't just assuming it was a joke. He knows. He's known a full week even before you found out. How? No one knows how. It's a mystery to this day.

-Is surprising very attentive and happy about the entire thing but is just so casual about it it's surprising. He also is deadass prepared for everything but you're so weirded out by just how calm and casual he is about EVERYTHING. It's always "Do you want water? I think the baby wants water." Or "Do you think the nursery would be better in black and white or greys? Those are neutral colors since we don't know what we're getting." Or "I got you your favorite food! Don't wanna neglect my beautiful wife now.~" You quickly get used to it.

-This initial personality doesn't change a bit. The other Kizuki are horrified Enmu reproduced with Akaza even apologizing to you.

-However with a lot of the moons you'll have to do all the responsible parenting. Enmu sees his spawn as something that can do no wrong and unless it's talking back to you or Muzan, will not punish them. In fact he'll probably encourage his spawns to cause trouble, wreck havoc, hurt their foes, etc. Over spoiling them but puts his foot down if that attitude is directed at Mommy or to Muzan. Those are big nos.

-Outside of that he surprisingly is very invested in their raising. Rocking them to sleep, bed time stories, research for educational toys- It surprises even Muzan how invested he's become in not only his wife but future spawns.

7/10 Well prepared and very invested but the heavy duty parenting will have to be on your shoulders.

KYOGAI:

-Faints when you first tell him he's about to be a father. Lands on his drums and accidentally teleports you both into different rooms on impact.

-Despite the comical first impression, he's very interested in this. Scared out of his mind at first though. Has to ask you over and over for a month if you're SURE You're expecting and it's not a mistake or badly planned prank...He stopped asking after you death glared at him after throwing up due to morning sickness for the hundredth time in a row.

-This man is scared but in a sweet way. Always asking if you need anything, if you're hurting, if he should go steal more pillows from the nearby town. If demons could have heart attacks he would. He tries to keep you isolated in one room of the mansion only he could get to after he got the fear of slayers and other demons possibly coming after you. You had to put your foot down about the ridiculousness of that idea. He's just very worried about you and wants to keep you both safe.

-Def tries harder to get back into the twelve Kizuki when the baby comes into the picture. Gotta be strong enough to protect you both.

-Mellows out somewhat as the months go by. Still anxious about things and sets up a nursery in the back of the mansion in case intruders enter.

-He likes to sit down and read his stories to the baby and possibly tap his drums. You know the baby probably can't hear him before their born but he's so cute when he does it that you don't tell him.

-Faints again when baby's born. Luckily this time he doesn't randomly teleport you both.

-Will be absolutely smitten with his little one. Carries them around the mansion in one hand when you need a break. If baby cries he just easily teleports to their room and tends to them. Still worried about them so expect him to randomly teleport in and out of the nursery at least ten times a day and night to check on them. Sometimes just randomly takes them with him everywhere even if they're fine or sleeping.

-He's also a very good husband to you. Pulls your hair back when you get sick. Gets you food. Likes teleporting you around if you're too tired to walk. After baby's born he will dote on you as you recover. If you ever need a break he's perfectly fine with taking care of his child as you relax.

-He doesn't want his baby to go through what he did so as they grow expect him to encourage his child to do whatever they want (within reason) and be whatever they want to be when they grow up.

-He's very supportive. Baby wants to be a tailor? He randomly steals fabric and sewing needles. His child shows a hobby in fishing? They're given an old fishing pole he found in the mansion. He overheard them talking about a necklace they're interested in? He steals it the very next night and gives it to them.

-Very good parenting. Tells them they can talk to him about anything and everything. Gives them space and privacy when they need/want it. Puts his foot down if they've done something bad. Gives advice. Tells them that it's ok to fail at something and they'll get it with practice.

-Was well educated as a human, so expect your child to be taught to read, write, etc at an early age. Your child will be smarter than most children their age thanks to Sensai Kyogai.

-He doesn't tell them about him being a demon and what they do until they're a teenager and can better understand. He wants them to have a normal childhood. So for a long time your child just thinks his dad has a skin condition or something making him look weird.

9/10 Not perfect but he's a very good father.

[amidst-wonderland]

dragon age: the veilguard | thoughts

spoilers below! (summary of three playthroughs, but really two meshed together - crow/lof!female!elf!rook & mournwatch!male!human!rook)

rook is so pretty! (my mum was like, "bit narcissistic, don't you think?")

oh the hair physics are so good.

think there’s a glitch on the human inquisition cc cause it’s making the eyelashes and eyebrows the same colour.

strife’s va sounds like bruce greenwood so i can’t unhear batman.

i feel like some of the va’s are hit or miss, some of them are so dry is bordering on flat, particularly neve, who slips into some american? even though she’s english.

can’t believe rook can be a gordie, right bioware, head up past the border next time!

we meet again cor vincent and chloe.

gimmie back the griffins!

i dunno what to make of neve to be honest.

i’m gonna go back and update my thoughts on this after i’ve beaten the game, so unlike my other ones, because i’m going in blind in terms of characterisations cause i already knew everyone in p3, ff15, spidey and rebirth.

checking out the cauldron with the elf squad.

i’m kinda gutted there’s not all lot of calls to the fact rook is an elf in-terms of grievances with npc’s. more seem to find issue with her previous occupation than that of her own gods tearing down the world and you only get internal conversations with bellara.

not enough spite for my liking. his first scene was so intriguing, like we don’t really know what draws him to rook, especially when lucanis can end up with neve but he still likes rook.

i don’t know if anyone else says anything, but it’s nice to know neve approves of rook’s relationship choices (i think taash does?)

gotta say, i think all the characters have grown on me but davrin, emmerich and bellara especially.

it really bothers me there’s no specific lines about rook being an elf trying to save lace from her magical rage, considering her channelled speech. there is, it’s just really long winded because you don’t get it until one of the solas regret debriefs which was 10-15+ hrs later for me.

“i’m a mage! i’m a mage!” yeah, y’know who else is? rook! and the only people to mention it is lace and taash.

i don’t care about the “dog-ification” of mythical creatures, assan is my baby and you get to hug him!

wow, i though cyberpunk had dire clothing options. my favourite is rook’s default.

too many english characters not saying “arse”.

is it just me or was taash’s non-binary story not handled well? it was so hand fisted and that isabela scene was so awkwardly done.

taash has the best and worst emotional range, but it think that’s more down to the voice direction and writing.

mage rook plays like a significantly more aggressive aerith.

well played bioware ya got me (rip)

#elfsquadkillsthedreadwolf (honestly, this feels right. the elf heroes, taking on an elf tyrant to take down the elevan gods and i’m a little annoyed they don’t toy with rook about the fact she is an elf enough).

yes, i stupidly got harding killed and neve captured but, bellara is my healer with a hardened neve and i googled what happened if davrin got killed and i couldn’t let my baby assan go like that, as poetic as it is.

it’s weird seeing “fucking” in the choice, i’ve only heard two drops of it, maybe two. lucanis, then i think taash might have.

okay… so, #superelfsquadkillselgar’nan.

i love playing a pint-sized lass taking on the world, considering i never really get to.

those cut lucanis scenes are my thirteenth reason. like seriously?! first river now lucanis?! it’s so blatantly obvious that scene pre minrathous isn’t their first kiss and i’m willing to bet it’s not their first bang either. like imagine cutting a character’s romance arc so bad that the player character has their first kiss offscreen. my guess is, the scene back at the lighthouse we got was your debrief scene later in the game and it was supposed to be the gondola scene at the villa because the jump cut is far to jarring and doesn’t fit what lucanis actually says, which to paraphrase is, “peace out, i’m gonna go fuck my girlfriend.”

rook joking her, belle and darvin are elf spirits is pretty funny

elgar’nan says “you will regret that” and all i could hear was was bandit heeler unicorse’s “you will live to regret that.”

there’s a part of me thinking that it’s more fitting for bellara to take the fall instead of neve with everything the elves have been put through via the gods and the fact the gods are taken down by their own people in the end. then again, she might be dead cause i’ve not seen that route.

my rook has put neve through the ringer and she’s completely my collateral damage. like babe, i’m sorry but i can’t break up the elf squad, bellara is my healer (a collateral in itself) and i didn’t want locked out of lucanis.

i just know spite said something vile to lucanis about rook and that’s why he didn’t kiss her.

i don’t love the implications that neve and lucanis end up together (and it’s fine if you do) but on both a story level and meta it’s contradictory and kinda insulting. neve’s romance isn’t locked if you don’t go with her, but it’s not the same vice-versa, not to mention it makes his feelings for rook feel a little disingenuous and that it was just spite who liked rook, when he implies that he’s not keen on neve. lucanis is willing to forgive neve but not rook especially with attempting to throw treviso under the bus (which, fair enough) and he’s willing to look past that? also, once again whilst yes, it’s a “straight romance” it’s primarily female players getting shafted, again. plus i get it’s his personality but they two still flirt until you lock-in with lucanis. like my babe rook who is serving more face than anyone on this team will not play second fiddle.

also, you get more content if you go as a crow which makes sense and it wouldn’t bother me so much if the game made up for it in other ways, lucanis is a mage killer and yet there’s no comment on it. even on the elf thing, there could’ve been a comment from any of them, particularly lucanis (if you wanna do it in a flirty way), his grandmother or teia that the crows like recruiting elf’s to disarm human targets because they find them attractive.

the lines you get about and from viago are hilarious as a crow, rook is his liability baby. i would have paid to see the look on his face when he found out about rook and lucanis

the fact that the treviso missions are kinda brushed over as a “battle for the cowl” thing, baring in mind, lucanis doesn’t seem too fussed about being first really bothers me. the crows are a dark faction, illario and lucanis went through child abuse at the hands of their grandmother as child soldiers and none of that is handled.

seeing the sketches of the cut content confirms it could’ve been a lot tonally darker.

the venetori are truly the most gullible cult. like you pissed off your bosses because you killed an elevan creation, how did you think that would go?!

pissed the only scottish accents i’ve heard are venetori.

we literally did shrooms with davrin.

i killed manfred and i regret it. emmrich said a line about “honouring the dead” and i was like fair, but then i thought about it more and… i don’t like the implications of emmrich running from death and i think you’re giving in to his flaws. also, finally a matt mercer voice i couldn’t recognise.

it’s the fact rook calls out to harding in the fade and it’s neve that’s with her, it’s all coming full circle.

i accidentally made my inquisitor really small and i knew i wanted to get the true ending so all i could think in the final battle was, “rook’s already tiny compared to solas and my inquisitor is even smaller, how is that kiss gonna work?!” but it was actually fine.

“varric is-“ and there it is. solas’ angle on rook. i’d argue solas toying with rook about varric is what he assume would be her undoing but it ended up being the catalyst to his downfall.

gameplay-wise, incredibly fun. the third act is the strongest if i’m honest but, it would be helpful is rook wasn’t the ai’s only target.

i was running about for so long trying to wonder what i had missed in the heart of corruption. turns out i had opened the champion blight wall in the converged city but not gone down to beat it.

beat the game in 50hrs, had almost all factions at 3 stars (except the wardens and shadow dragons) and got solas to do the right thing.

strife and emmerich?! omfg that’s amazing, could call rook a tactical matchmaker.

i’m not seeing enough people talk about this but that fact lucanis got on his knees for rook. a crow, the first talon, a dellamorte… like it was so fucking sweet, and the wings! spite doesn’t get involved my ass.

if you romance lucanis, that final fight with ghilan'nain is with an added layer of stress but it’s the fact rook get grabbed before getting him out and other than rook (and harding / davrin) he was the closest to ghilan’nain and they know.

most of lucanis’ lines are just him saying rook in a different tone.

evka really grew on me. i honestly thought her and antoine were one and done appearances just to link you to davrin but i was pleasantly surprised they follow you through to endgame.

ghilan'nain only calls out bellara and davrin for being elves coming to get her and rook’s just there like “and i’m what?”

considering the distain solas, elgar’nan and ghilan’nain have for the elves of today it’s so good to be with the elf squad.

i think i’ve finally got solas shtick down. it’s that he can do wrong, do right but cannot take accountability.

i love the fact the team squad can start with four women (two, potentially three woc and a dwarf) bet the grifters were real pissed. then a bisexual assassin who’s a big softie.

yeah, taash basically says to lucanis, “ya’ll should bone with the wings.” i stand by the fact taash is most definitely autistic and it’s amazing.

people seem to forget da is modern fantasy, and not medieval. non-binary is not “out of place” any more than lucanis saying elevator to davrin (literally a captain america reference) and minrathous has magical neon signs.

rook literally says to davrin, “…and we’ll head to treviso.” even though you don’t have to take him.

okay, there’s two non-venetori scottish npc and what the fuck is that one in minrathous' accent?

rook not having a default ‘rook’ casual wear is kinda annoying. i hate how your outfit has to look like the factions.

does the human rook honour the dead in english?

“i also used to wet the bed, want me to start up that again.” / “i’d rather you didn’t.”

spite missing manfred is so cute

the lucanis and davrin soup poison conversation is hilarious.

saw a tiktok talking about how we could’ve played as the inquisitor during the three weeks rook was gone, helping to build back the team and honestly that would’ve been perfect. rook is their glue and after loosing three people the are not okay. so, based on who i had left you could see glimpses on them coping, taash finally turning emmerich to help with their grief, finding bellara in neve’s room or it getting a little dicey between davrin and lucanis, who to me, probably take rook’s disappearance the hardest (outside of romance), with the romance angle it’s so much worse for they two and their natural dispositions butting heads in a “i have to let her go or it will kill me.” vs. “it’ll kill me if i do.” plus, it adds so much more to the solavellan ending with her being there and it could be her idea to make the fake dagger.

dying at rook translating isabella’s elven mishap.

the way she announces spite is like, “the incredible demon spite!” then is like, “oh and lucanis is here too, i guess.”

lucanis is a girl dad, the way he is with mila and has had enough of “girl dinner”.

“she’s a cloud! how do i kill a cloud with a dagger?!”

(bellara to emmerich on elves as spirits) “i asked davrin about it and he just shrugged!” / “pfft. he would.” (rook seemed ambivalent in her answer).

davrin has the most compelling arc, like i did not expect that to go the way it would and the warden’s without a shadow of a doubt don’t deserve those griffins back.

there’s a part of me that feels sorry ghilan’nain she’s as much a victim as she is villain. seeing the venetori hurt that halla confirms it. similarly with her archdemon. she is their protector, creator. elgar’nan groomed her and i stand by it. i don’t forgive nor absolve but contextually i can see this damage is not all her own volition.

everything varric says comes into so much question, especially the talk just before fighting the two dragons in the wetlands. even if rook fights him on it, solas makes it clear the team must be willing to die for the cause, for her. then, back at the lighthouse, what does varric press her to do? help her team get past their issues. also this might not be intentional but sometimes varric but you can hear solas’ accent (which, the va seems to be leaning more into his welsh accent for solas).

on accents, rook saying “fix up your gear” and “we’re in dock town proper.” in the thickest gordie accent is incredible. i was half expecting her to finish the latter sentence with “like”. this woman’s giving “i’ve got paper-cuts on top of fucking paper-cuts.”

emmerich’s transmog has glitched out on the most horrific outfit.

i’m actually really pissed off that rook isn’t in the ‘ossuary’ with spite. like i get the devs were real excited about neve and lucanis but it just feels like a kick in the teeth.

“is this elf your servant?” there’s two elves pal. then bellara does back it up with the fact they respect “human mages.”

elgar’nan’s planning to sacrifice elves for, some would argue retribution. lucanis do you really think this is the best time to have your first domestic with your elven missus?! (no but him yelling at rook, the gate and the lock is hilarious).

i just know lucanis is a loving, low-key handsy drunk and rook putting him to bed after drinking with davrin would’ve been so cute!

rook and harding are having a heart to heart and rook is apologetic about the titans, then davrin talks about how solas doesn’t feel guilty because he did it. then it cuts to lucanis is this weird meta way who just says “mierda’ after a pause like he remembers the camera has cut to him.

vorgoth’s “rook” and a wave is so funny.

“till taash teaches him how to swear…”

almost thought spite was going to look to the camera and to “bleugh!” at rook and lucanis.

i just know rook finally let go the breath she’d holding when she heard lucanis shout for her after the ghilan’nain fight.

still can’t believe the inquisitior’s va is alt from cyberpunk.

“mortal threats are a dull blade.” goes so hard, and honestly at the gloom howler’s core you can understand and sympathise how her anger and hurt manifested.

crow!rook not being able to have the same grace as neve for not saving minrathous is kinda icky. like, yeah you’re angry about your home but also mine was also being attacked.

the way evka is constantly making faces at rook during weisshaupt’s boardroom like, “oh my christ, you are not helping.” then when rook runs off to the dragon trap, she looks at antoine like, “is she for real?”

“tell me about you and lucanis.” omfg, lavellan! morrigan stalking rook’s love life was not on my bingo card.

can we talk about the fact that lucanis technically doesn’t actually, succeed at anything he was recruited for? he missed the first time, harding / davrin provided a distraction the second and teia saves his ass the third. rook you’ve bagged a man that is perpetually failing upwards.

next run is gonna be a male rook, or another female rook but i wanna see bellara and davrin's romances next cause both times i did lucanis, because i wanted to see if being a crow makes a difference, it doesn't. it's more teia and viago scenes that change.

veilguard insists on, "solas's" instehad of "solas'" and its throwing me off.

bare with me, but someone on tiktok pointed out that despite the cut content, lucanis and rook feel the most ‘canon’ to the overarching theme and that in love, rook is a foil for solas. rook has everything he wanted and lucanis is everything he wanted to be for mythal and lavellan, similarly with zara and illario who took advantage of the envy demon. it’s why he chooses to fuck with rook about lucanis specifically because he constantly talks about the sacrifices rook has to make for love, despite never doing it himself out of fear. rook doesn’t have that, she drops the ball and scarified a member of her team to ensure lucanis’ safety and loses the upper hand in the fight, she stands by him even when the team don’t risking their trust in their shared goal, which exactly what solas is afraid of. unlike solas, lucanis lets rook in, he doesn’t want spite near her and he’s scared but he takes that risk, and again, every bit of love he’s had has been transactional - like solas and mythal - and it takes him so long to accept that rook’s isn’t, he lets go of his fear that he might loose her. hell, taking all of that and everything she’s been through with lucanis and pushes the lesson learned onto lavellan. solas knows everything lucanis and rook have been through and uses the consistent fear she has to break her, the same way it would him. he didn’t really make the sacrifice to leave lavellan just mitigated it, which lavellan points out. his fear that her love would stop him or that she would turn against the real him. on that ghilan’nain fight, lucanis could’ve dropped the dagger and saved harding, but he didn’t because it was at the cost of rook’s life and the one thing she had asked from him.

currently making an edit for my rook but why the fuck does she smile like taerae? 😭😭😭

the way you find out that lucanis and rook are already doing it from a conversation between lucanis and taash and a codex from lucanis.

i’m still so pissed off at the neve and lucanis have re-used scenes from lucanis and rook! like nothing about their romance feels inherently special. you don’t even have a conversation about spite on an intimate level (and neve and lucanis literally do!). from the concept art, it looked like it happened but lucanis really needed a scene were spite got genuine out of hand with rook and they work through it. nothing on lucanis knowing rook’s footsteps in the romance route?!

michelle gomez is playing ghilan’nain?!

i hate lucanis’ cartoony pirate boots.

this, is what rook is wearing casually as far as i’m concerned. top | skirt | boots | necklace

feeding into the whole, elves are more likely to have twins. liv and lucanis have two twin girls then a boy.

the snort i let out when i got to the final romance scene, like woah babe, they are out. i keep thinking because of the new art-style they’d be a bit more conservative but no. good for you rook, as a former member of the itty bitty tittie committee.

i know viago and teia ripped lucanis a new one when they found out about rook getting trapped in fade.

fyi, teia knew. that, “jealous?” was so heavy handed.

my rook: olivia “liv” de riva. (i consider my second run as my ‘canon’ run.)

just for a little background on liv, she’s the daughter of a cityelf!mage!warden and zevran, who was taken by the crows when they’d gotten a general idea of his location, raided their home and only to find their five-year-old, and a family friend looking after her. she was “dumped” in antiva only to be taken in by an older elven crow and put through their training in those following years. viago gave her the nickname, “rook” and she’s been going by it longer than she ever did olivia. to put it lightly, olivia is very much her mother’s daughter and the crows didn’t love that. i know zevran’s heart fucking breaks when he sees his little “olive” dressed in a crow’s attire aiming a blade at him. (i’m messing with the timeline because i don’t like the idea of lucanis dating someone that young, so olivia is twenty-eight/nine and not around twenty.) zevran and the warden have been trying to track down their daughter from hiding and after the game ends rook goes looking for them, with teia, viago (and to some extent) lucanis trying to talk her out of it knowing what she might find, especially as the attack was ordered by caterina. rook almost gives in until, a certain apostate puts a spanner in the works. though very much in her own, morrigan way because it can never be too easy. (this woman’s shit was thoroughly rocked in arlathan).

started a new playthrough as male!human!mournwatch!rook and seeing him sitting in the chair liv used to sit in is so funny because she was barely taller than its back and he’s a head above it.

i’m still debating whether to romance neve or bellara as this rook (ward) because on the one hand, rook and neve look good together and sapphic’s galore with bellara, but also i just really wanna play through bellara’s romance and just happen to be a male!rook. this is a me thing where i’m like, “this is too heteronormative” but also, being a “straight” couple doesn’t take away from their bisexuality, just like it doesn’t take away from mine, regardless of who i’m dating. and as much as i want to romance harding, taash deals with enough shit in this game, they at the very least should get the girl.

listen, if her short king first talon wasn’t around liv would be salivating over this man.

i’d probably say in-terms of friendship, olivia is closest with davrin, bellara and harding. for ward, it’s taash, davrin, neve and probably emmrich but i wouldn’t class that as friendship, more respect and having a shared background.

i forgot the vibe when meeting the crows is so different if you aren’t a crow. like if you save treviso, rook shouting in relief for viago hits so much harder if they’re a de riva. it’s giving, “help is on the way dear!” from viago coming to save his liability’s ass.

the utter disgust lucanis has for tea is hilarious.

i picked minrathous this time and the guilt is already killing me, but i’m trying to switch it up a little in-terms of party, so i don’t need to prioritise lucanis in gameplay nor approval and i didn’t expect to be back in the opening sections sector (plus also, i cannot be arsed with minrathous becoming a maze again) i just want lucanis to know that in an alternative universe there is a half-pint crow that would die for him. to be honest, in-terms of role-playing, i do think ward would pick minrathous. he’s closer to neve than olivia ever was (especially when it comes to comparing their individual relationships with lucanis), he’s a human mage and has no personal connection to either city just a devotion being a venetori hater and whilst olivia has mixed feelings about the crows (the poor girl didn’t exactly volunteer willingly) going off the crows actual depiction (and not freedom fighter bs) he isn’t their biggest fan.

ward’s core party: taash, emmrich and back-burner, neve and davrin.

liv’s core party: lucanis, bellara and davrin on the back-burner (because the #elfsquad means everything to me but my girl also needs to have one eye on the fight and the other on her bf).

everyone around him knows that in another life, ward was a grey warden, and yes, the pun is always fully intended. the meta of this, is that he originally was a grey warden but i was curious about the mourn watch backstory so i’m going to play dwarven grey warden next.

babe’s getting ptsd from being back here.

the difference in ghilan’nain delivery when she demands the dagger from rook is… something. treviso is very, “give, it.” whilst minrathous feels like, “would you pwetty pwease give us the dagger we want.”

i wanna cry, i don’t wanna face lucanis. no my poor baby he’s mad at me!

well, viago’s always some form of mad with either rook. take it from olivia “don’t die or viago will kill me” de riva.

jacobus is a little shit, didn’t like him even when he liked olivia and i certainly don’t like him now.

it’s so funny to go from the short stacks that are harding, olivia and lucanis to the tall trio, that is taash, emmerich and ward.

i know i keep laughing about the height thing but it’s truly commendable how well veilguard implements it like no other game i’ve scene. it’s not back-to-back cuts of a character looking down at another and only having them in-frame, not to mention this includes the player-character and no just pre-scripted movements between npcs. also, height in general can say so much about communication, boundaries and tone. the pantry scene being an excellent example. whilst the scene is great with all the races, if you pick an elf vs. qunari it’s going to be tonally different in the dynamic. to paraphrase a tiktoker, “you’ll get a good scene, but you won’t get that booktok moment.”

i love hearing about the inquisition from harding.

the camera got all weird and i got a screen full of emmerich’s staff and full on shat myself. 😭

i kept calling rook, “tav” and now i keep calling v, “rook”. what the fuck is up with my wiring.

i think if i were to rank the individual arcs, it’d be: davrin, bellara // harding, emmerich and taash // lucanis and neve. lucanis and neve, outside of lucanis’ cut content don’t really grow. they don’t learn anything, to an extent neve learns that she can ask others for help and lucanis’ growth is fully based around spite and not really anything crow related, which feels like a collateral.

not to get too on the nose about it but lucanis can end up with an elven crow, which feels incredibly loaded. baring in mind, he was twenty-six during inquisition and very much alive during zevran’s time with the warden. he’s around thirteen at the start of origins. rook is somewhere between 20-35 and just based off crow canon, and how it’s likely elf!rook ended up with them (especially because none of the rook’s have an antivan accent and was canonically an orphan), it means caterina oversaw that.

i guess the trade-off for having less content is the fact that you get to have isabela, a legacy character as a direct contact in your faction.

changed my mind, ward is gonna romance neve and i’ve got a new elf!greywarden!rook that i’m running through and i’ll save one route for bellara, one route for davrin. wanted to go very pixie and whimsical on this, so whilst she’s got olivia’s facial structure, she’s a blonde, has the clearest skin known to man with pink eyes and has pearly white tattoos (why can’t white tattoos look that cool irl? the little bits of white in mine are so dull).

ha! davrin called solas “baldy”.

the gasp i let out when davrin kissed aurore! omfg (i’m dying! my happy little warden family) 😭

as someone who is, you can’t tell me taash isn’t autistic (whether intentional or not). the way they speak is so direct and blunt which a lot of people presume is anger, both players and npc’s but at the end of the day taash is being honest. not dancing around anything, especially when it comes to their ‘special interest’ - dragons naturally. i’ve felt the notion grow more and more as i played through the game but after watching the post-fangscorcher cutscene it’s clear as day. taash recognising that they get frustrated when things aren’t done a certain way, such as routine (like having a specific dish on a specific day) and it’s not inherently self-centred it’s just that in their brain it makes sense. it’s an established pattern, that’s been established with their mother. which is what i struggle with the most when it comes to communication. honestly, the more and more i play this game the more i adore taash, and see so much of myself in them when it comes to temperament. assuming taash is around 19-22, it makes me so sad that, that was my experience as i didn’t realise i was autistic until i was twenty-two and i’d been so high masking that i was essentially living a double-life. so yeah, you wanna know what i’m like at my core? if taash and bellara were one person.

i don’t know if this is common, even just in britain (might be a scottish thing) but i like to imagine that a gingerwart tea just tastes like a garlic-y, gingery, mushroom bovril. which is pretty common to drink here during the winter. usually at the football but my mum and that take it to go hill walking.

[sweetandsavageautistic]

(CW: Cringe, puzzle pieces, Autism Moms, potential sensory eyesore, ableism possibly, like one sex joke)

Welcome back to me harshly criticizing graphic design choices that people make about autism where I find pictures of shirts and whatnot and I tear into them like a lion tearing into its prey. Let's get into it.

In the words of @rebmasel on TikTok: "Ka-chow."

First up the only appropriate way to do this review is in the style of Dr. Seuss.

I do not like the puzzle piece, for it disturbs my fucking peace.

The color purple is real nice, but the message here I would think twice.

No tacky colors, so that's good. I don't hate it, though I feel I should.

Final Score: 4 out of 10. I'd rather not see this again.

I know the first line's kinda cheating, but I couldn't really think of any other fitting rhyme.

Next up is this:

This is already miles better than most of what I've seen.

The colors aren't tacky, they're actually kinda nice.

You have two wolves inside of you, both of them are gay and autistic. /ref

Autism Acceptance, that's a win.

Infinity symbol instead of puzzle piece, fuck yes.

Only criticism is that it's kind of a cheesy message, but not the worst.

Final Score: 9.5 out of 10. I'd wear it.

And then the quality drops here.

Puzzle piece means you lost points.

"Autism Mom." You can say it's difficult to raise an autistic child, but you're not a goddamn superhero.

How dare you use Rosie the Riveter for this. The disrespect. /hj

The military font is tacky.

I don't like seeing blue associated with autism, but at least it's not an abominable shade of blue.

Final Score: 1 out of 10. Get it out of my sight.

Speaking of lions that I mentioned earlier:

I'm already liking the absence of puzzle pieces.

Autism Acceptance is a yes.

When a lioness has children, she stops making love to the lion. The lion gets jealous, sometimes so jealous he EATS the children. You'd think this would upset the lioness; far from it. They make love again like the children never existed. I find that idea terrifying. /q

Not a fan of the colors, they're too dark for my taste.

The message feels cheesy.

Final Score: 7.5 out of 10. I dunno if I'd wear it, but it's not the worst design I've seen. The effort and care are present.

This feels like a roller coaster because it went downhill again.

"Share your friends." As someone with PDA, to quote Hamlet, Act 3, Scene 3, Line 87; "No." /hj

Autism Awareness. Once again, I am very aware of my existence but sometimes I wish I wasn't; there are days where I'd like to be both perceived and NOT perceived.

The blue isn't tacky, thank God.

I hate the quote because it gives the message that autism is nothing but a burden.

Also there's a bit too much going on with it, all of the decals and shit.

I don't see any puzzle pieces, so thank God.

Final Score: 2 out of 10. I do not recommend.

This is a bit different.

There's just way too much going on in this. Absolute eyesore.

Return of the Tacky Elementary School Colors, except they dragged orange into it this time.

So many puzzle pieces.

Why is everyone trying to fight autism? It's just minding its business.

I'm pretty sure that that's going to be a signal to mean kids to bully your kid. Like, even if there's more understanding of autism, there are still asshole crotch goblins.

I haven't "done" autism, but I am curious as to whether or not autism is good in bed. /j

Final Score: 1 out of 10. No thanks, I'll pass.

Let's end part 2 on a high note.

Simple design, but colorful and pretty easy on the eyes.

And the colors aren't patronizing.

No puzzle pieces.

Acknowledgement of the intersectionality of autism and sexuality.

No cheesy message; just a funky design about autism and gayness. Not all autism shirts have to be serious or UwU or motivating, so it's always a nice change of pace.

Final Score: 11 out of 10. As an asexual biromantic autistic, I'd wear this.

[candyskiez]

I've said it before and I've said it again: the way people treat people who were raped was just as traumatizing to me as being raped itself, if not more. Teaching people that this horrible event defines them and is a Sensitive Subject that can never be brought up and can never be shown in anything and is "too much" does an impact, shockingly. Seeing everyone attack sa survivors and accuse them of lying and having everyone think you're just trying to ruin someone's life does a number on you. Having no autonomy whatsoever over what legal forces do about it does a number on you. I'd argue that everyone suddenly finding out about me being raped because I finally worked up the courage to tell someone and she snitched and it completely blowing up my personal life was just as traumatizing to me as being assaulted, lol. It gave me way more trust issues and I can't talk about my trauma with my friends anymore 👍. No one ever asked what someone Did to me when I tell them I was emotionally abused, though I don't doubt that it happens, but my mom asked "with WHAT" when I told her my grandma raped me. Which, by the way, is a really fucked up way to respond to someone confessing they got raped and if you do it they're allowed to kill you. I don't care if you're confused. If they say they were raped, they were raped.

When you say you were raped, everyone becomes so so suspicious of every word you say. Everyone practically grades you on whether or not your circumstance was Enough to be considered rape or if you're being honest. Because people are so deadset on rape being completely divorced from any other kind of crime, like it's not just another form of violence. So if you say "this person raped me" they hear "so you think this person is Satan and Pure Evil. But they're nice to ME, so clearly you're lying!"

Just because someone's nice to you doesn't mean they aren't fully capable of doing something absolutely horrible to someone else. You making rape into some mythical thing that only happens in one set extreme circumstance and can never happen to anyone else isn't helping and is in fact actually hurting people. My rapist is apparently very nice to most people. I don't think she was attracted to me in the slightest. She saw me getting into a situation where she believed I was putting myself at risk of assault or being preyed upon, so she "showed me" what would happen if I didn't stop. It had nothing to do with attraction. I explain why she did it because you need to understand that by deciding only a very specific type of person with a specific motive could do something, you predispose yourself to not believing victims of people outside of that specific image. Kill the image of what a rapist looks like in your head. Kill the image of what a "good victim" looks like in your head. I was incredibly unstable and unpleasant after being assaulted because I'd just gotten fucking assaulted and was in denial of it. I'm still trying to become a better person. Often the sweet nice person is the rapist and the "weird crazy person" is being abused.

It's also important to know motives for rape because. Surprise surprise, you are not immune to being a rapist. You are not immune to traumatizing someone via sex. You are not immune to abusing someone sexually. Rapists don't wake up and go "time to traumatize a child!" and pretending they do actively harms victims. People didn't believe me because they couldn't conceive of someone as kind as my grandma raping me, even though she abused me on a daily basis. You need to be aware of people's boundaries and mental states during sex. Including if you're submissive, btw.

This is getting into a tangent, sorry. Is this a vent? This might be a vent. I dunno. You can reblog this if you want, but keep in mind this was written when I was kind of emotional so it might not be the most polished or account for Every Single Way it can be misinterpreted. Think before you argue, please. I probably do not mean the worst thing you can think of.