#I dunno bro just let people be whores

[h-harleybaby]

“Oh cod ocs are cringe” “all of them are barrack bunnies”

Ok how about this my cod oc is a pastel pink medic who acts like the average school nurse with the loud typing and ice packs because all she thinks about is getting home and kissing her girlfriend how about that problem solved Jesus fucking Christ

[breitzbachbea]

📒💖

Emi, I'm kissing you on the mouth right now, you're so sexy. In general but also for taking the bait.

Put “📓” or some other version of a book emoji into my inbox and I’ll explain the plot of a fanfiction that I haven’t written but daydream about.

The Constantinople AU

This AU is from 2017 and came about because I watched a TED-ED video about Constantinople's walls, relistened to the Aladdin soundtrack and because I had earlier talked with a friend about how I had not really seen people make a genie a woman. I came back years later to explain it to my friend Jonah and add new stuff and this year I showed it to @amber-isnt-a-precious-stone to add even more things. It's one of my favourite AUs for sure.

Dramatis Personae:

- Herakles Karpuzi (APH Greece) as Son of the Roman emperor and heir to the throne - Sadık Adnan (APH Turkey) as Soldier in the Ottoman army and Imposter Prince - Dilan Taş (Human OC) as Jinn and Sadık's unsuccessful wingwoman - Athanasios Karpuzi (Human OC) as the Roman emperor and serial skirtchaser - Salvatore Vento (Human OC) as Advisor to the emperor and Fuckface McBadDad - Michele Vento (APH Sicily) as Herakles' childhood friend

The Happenings™:

- It's set in Constantinople in an alternate Universe, close to ours. It’s the late High Middle Age/Early Late Middle Age (depending on how you want to periodize. I am working with how the German Middle Ages are divided, which is arguably a very bad method for classifying Byzantine. But this is my silly Hetalia AU, not my term paper). Around 1300, I’d say.

- Athansios Karpuzi is the current Roman Emperor, which makes Herakles the heir to the throne. Athanasios is desperately trying to wed his son off to any available suitors to form new alliances, but two things keep getting into the way: 1. Herakles is thoroughly uninterested in playing along with Athanasios’ plans. He’s not a chess piece on his father’s board if he's got anything to say about it. 2. Salvatore Vento is Athanasios’ closest consultant and protests any marriage for whatever reason he can find. For the sole reason that he has been eyeing the throne for himself the entire time and wants to marry his own son, Michele, to Herakles.

- Like in my Hetalia AU "Like Father Like Son", Salvatore and Athanasios trust each other as far as they can throw one another. There is no genuine trust here at all, no sympathy, really, they just stick together because they know the other is useful. Have some assorted banter as result of this:

Salvatore: "Immortal what a name! What a title to bear! Although immoral would have fit you much better." [Athanasios’ etymology is “immortal”]

S: "Maybe you wouldn't have to struggle to find a suitable bride for your son if you stopped dragging every young woman within and from outside Constantinople to bed." Athanasios: "He's into guys too, problem solved." S: "Oh, yeah, me dumbass thought you needed stop whoring around, how silly of me."

A: "If he is into anything at all. But if I have another child, they might keep this empire going." S: "No legitimation to the lineage's claim to power like a gay loner and a bastard child." A: "Ah yes, I hired the man whose wife ran away with his son so he could berate me about family life. How I value your opinion, Salvatore." S: "She didn't run away." A: "No, she just hides and sends you people until she can get her divorce. I'm very inclined to give it to her."

S: "They're childhood friends! They'd make a great couple!" A: "All I can hear is what a great emperor you'd make, ruling on my corpse."

- So. Herakles is staunchly resisting any marriage to anyone and minding his business one day, walking along the great walls of Constantinople. He stops to look out into the surrounding area and suddenly, hears a noise. Confused, he looks down and sees someone scaling the wall. Sadık looks up and sees the most beautiful man he has ever seen … spotting him trying to get into the city.

- Sadık is part of the Ottoman Turks, who’re conquering the area around Constantinople these days. He’s some nobody in the army and thought he’d give it a shot and get into the city by himself to earn some fame (and money).

- Herakles is seriously impressed Sadık managed to actually almost scale the famously impenetrable walls of the city. Not impressed enough to actually let him in. So these two banter a bit, Sadık now distracted by this hunk in front of his nose. Herakles correctly assesses that he’s a Turk and says of himself that he’s the emperor’s son. Sadık: “Hey, hot stuff, if that’s true and it’s so impressive, why don’t you let me in as a reward?” Herakles: “Yes, of course. And then I’ll open the gates for the rest of your people, so that you can just walk in and take the city. What impossible thing do you want to happen next, a kiss on the mouth?” Sadık: “What’s so impossible about that?”

- Either way, Herakles threatens to sick the guards on him, which leads to a “Oh no you wouldn’t” - Herakles grins and definitely would, so Sadık has to retreat. (#Don’tSickTheGuardsOnMyAssYou’reSoSexyAhaha).

- He goes back to camp, having gained nothing but a crush. He gets in real trouble for rummaging around the booty, where he finds an oil lamp and WOULDN’T YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. Dilan, a Jinn, pops out and Sadık uses his first wish to get out of trouble. Once that is done and the two have a moment of peace, he's thinking about what to do next and his mind circles back to Herakles.

- Dilan: "Ah yes, they always want something with love ... so who struck you and what's the problem?" Sadık: "Well ... I don't really know if it's true but he said he was the son of the emperor. He certainly looked the part! And I didn't really want to wait for him to call the guards to confirm it." Dilan: "Wait ... so you want to get with the son of the Roman emperor?" Sadık: "If that handsome little shit didn't lie to me, then yes." Dilan: "Isn't that a little out of your ballpark?" Sadık: "What, is it out of yours? Can't help me in that case, magic lady?" Dilan: "Psht, don't make me laugh! I can make the impossible happen, just tell me what you need." Sadık: "I dunno ... I guess getting inside the city?" Dilan: "That's it? That's all you need? That's less than a no-brainer -" Sadık: "Oh yeah, if it's so easy then, save that second wish for later. I got past one of the walls already once, I'll figure that out without your magic." Dilan: "Alright, alright ... and what about the wooing of your sweetheart?" Sadık: "That we'll see to once we're there ..."

- Dilan and Sadık chitchat while they make it to Constantinople. Dilan spends some time in the lamp, because walking is boring, but she does tell him that she's pretty sick of being in there. So that's where Sadık learns about her wishing to be free. Dilan in turn learns that Sadık doesn't have such a rosy life either (especially because now he can't return to the army, after he basically deserted).

- So they get to Constantinople and decide to actually factcheck if they got the right guy - and if yes, some general information about the emperor's son. Luckily enough, a friendly trader/tradesman tells them a bit about the city and the imperial family. Dilan: "So, did you by any chance ever see the emperor's son?" Trader: "Oh, well, that's an odd question, isn't it? But since you don't seem to be from here, I can understand the curiosity. Well, let me think ... You often see him only from afar ... during a triumph where he had accompanied his father during the campaign I got to see him up close. What a regal figure there at the head of the troops!" Sadık is too lost in the vision of his crush all decked out in military gear on a horse. And then taking all that gear off and being a regal figure while he fucks Sadık into the sheets … Dilan: "Yeah, yeah, yadda yadda, we need something more concrete. Height, hairstyle, haircolour, what does the dude look like?" The trader/tradesman is a little baffled but does provide a description that lines up with who Sadık saw. So with that information, they start to wonder how to woo a future emperor.

- Luckily, now that the trader/tradesman thinks they're here for imperial gossip, he actually mentions the fact that Emperor Athanasios hopes for his son to follow his footsteps and is currently looking for a suitable match, so that Herakles can be of political use even while he's still in charge. So Dilan and Sadık get an idea how to get into the city and Herakles heart. Or his pants. Milestones are still up for negotiation.

- After the grand entrance happened, where Herakles definitely took offense at either "Heard your prince was a sight lovely to see" or "Heard your prince was hot, where is he?" because either question was accompanied by Sadık's flirty looks, Athanasios actually lets Sadık and Dilan into the palace. There he and Salvatore discuss the entire thing, aka if whoever Sadık pretends to be is a good match.

- While they talk political stuff and snark, because of course Salvatore is against it, Sadık continues to feel very smug in his new princely identity and makes flirty eyes at Herakles. Herakles is just like "ugh" and much more happily plays with his cats. Which tbh sounds like they're 16 or something, but they're not that much younger than in canon (I think they'd be 22 and 24 here).

- Hijinks ensue. Herakles tells his dad that he’s a Turkish soldier that tried to sneak into the city and Athanasios doesn’t believe him, thinking Herakles is now lying badly to not get married. Dilan and Sadık are developing a friendship that is best described as hoes being bros.

- Dilan: "Look, you like cats. Cats are furry. Hairy, if you will. You know who else is hairy? Sadık. He's juuust as hairy as a cat - shhhht, I'm wingmanning for you and it's working great, you can thank me later."

- At first, Dilan mostly employs her magic for some silly little things with Sadık to woo Herakles. It doesn't work very well. Herakles: "I know it's magic, that's not impressing me - Okay, it is kinda cool, but you're still a dick." Dilan: "But a dick with a cool sidekick, come ON! What else do you want me to do to make the nerd viable?!" Sadık: "You call that wingmanning?!"

- Once Dilan realizes dickbags Athanasios and Salvatore are, she also uses little magic tricks to continously make their lives worse. Ironically, this may be what finally endears her and Sadık to Herakles. (If you haven't noticed, he doesn't like his father very much and Athanasios doesn't care for him aside from being a political pawn).

- At one point, Michele shows up at court! Herakles is overjoyed to see his childhood friend, which he hadn’t seen in years! Sadık is absolutely not, because it looks like just when he and Herakles almost had something, this twat shows up and steals the show!

- Dilan: "Well, I can't make him not love this dude, but I could beat the dude up." Sadık: " ... keep that in mind."

- However, when Dilan goes to investigate what Michele is doing here (and wingwomanning again), this ensues: Dilan: "Hey brah, what's up, why so blue looking? Is it because your boo just told you you ain't his number one anymore?" Michele: "I, eh ... no ... May I ask who you are?" Dilan: "Just one of the servants of the insanely charming and powerful - and hairy - Prince who's here to marry the Prince. Yep, he's sooo gonna marry that guy." Dilan: "There was a whole musical number about it, you should have seen it, I was on top of my game." Michele: "Sure heard about it, you stirred up trouble here. Hope it helps ... I'm not saying that Herakles should marry someone his dad set in front of him, but it'd be nice if he found someone at last. He told me he was very lonely the last years ... I don't want to leave him behind just as lonely again." Dilan: "Yeah, it'd be - Leave him behind?"

- Dilan: "Good news! His loverboy is not here to stay! He wants to go to the west, he's just here because of his terrible dad!" Sadık: "Oh, that's good! Wait ... isn't his father that asshole of an advisor?" Dilan: "Yeah. Why." Sadık: "The guy who wanted to marry his son to Herakles since apparently forever?" Dilan: "Yeah, but his son is not going to marry him." Sadık: "I smell a trap 10 miles against the wind."

- There is no trap however. Herakles realizes that the crush on Michele is nothing but a childhood crush and has to be left in the past … and that he wants to move forward with Sadık. When he wants a conversation one-on-one, Dilan wants to make it a one-on-two, but Herakles asks her if she doesn’t want to keep Michele company in the gardens, it’s not gonna take long, an hour or two at most. Then she can also fetch Michele when they’re done, so that Herakles can say goodbye before he leaves for Sicily.

- Dilan thinks about it, finds it’s not a trap (and if it was, nothing she and her fists couldn’t solve) and goes in the garden. There she talks with Michele and makes the mistake to either show off her magic powers, tell Michele of TurGre’s meetugly (#Don’tSickTheGuardsOnMyAssYou’reSoSexyAhaha) or to be like: “Hey, do you wanna know a cool secret? Sadık isn’t a Prince, all of this is my doing. Pretty cool, eh?”

- Unfortunately, they’re not alone. Salvatore was searching for Michele in the gardens, to get his “fucking rotten brat of a son” to play along after all instead of disappearing once again. So he overhears this. Salvatore: "Oh, so Prince Sadık is not a Prince? That's a funny joke indeed and I'll laugh my ass off the hardest in the end."

- So just when Herakles and Sadık had time to talk about their feelings and confess and, also, you know, make out and fumble for good measure, they get interrupted. Literally when Herakles was finally stripped down to his tunic and Sadık slid his hand underneath it.

- Athanasios: "This is gonna be the last wall you breached, you little rat." Herakles: "Dad! Stop it!" Athanasios: "This man nearly ruined our dynasty. Arrest him." Salvatore: "Arrest the man indeed. Go and get the ex-emperor." Athanasios: "Ex-Prince. It's not the right time for your snark." Salvatore: "I'm not talking about that small fish. Guards - arrest this careless idiot who nearly ruined our city by letting a scammer into its walls! Clearly the emperor's been in on this and can't be trusted!" Athanasios: "You've lost your mind." Salvatore: "You've lost yours and it's actually the thing you'll miss the least when syphilis is going to eat away the last of your rotten brain in the dungeons. So get him! And that ottoman faker, too, just get the trash out of here."

- The scene ends rather dramatically, because I love the thought of Michele and Dilan rushing to their help, but they get held back. Dilan maybe gets restrained by some anti-magic stuff. And Dilan begs Sadık to use his last wish to help him. To solve this problem. But Sadık refuses, because he promised to use it to set her free. So Dilan is just livid and upset, distraught, yelling at him to let her do something while he gets taken to the dungeons.

- So now Salvatore’s in charge and setting his plans into motion. PR is of course the first thing that needs to be done, so there’s a speech to Constantinople’s masses: "But, as you know, I respect and regard the royal family, the entire dynasty, more than any of you! So I am not going to assume power, it'd be a crime against God himself who granted us this emperor, if I had removed him for anything but his unstable condition and his tragic mistake of almost letting his lineage being tainted! Not to mention that this would have been the end of our beloved empire, our city, suddenly overrun and ruled by those barbarians! No, of course I'll give my power to the true heir who was merely a victim to his father's incompetence. To prove I really mean it, I'm even going to give up my son to the Prince, to forever bind my loyality to the throne!"

- Michele: "I hold no more respect for you as father as I did when we left. I'm not going to play along your perverted plan." Salvatore: "Well Michele, if you don't respect me as father, then maybe you'll respect me as the Roman Emperor!"

- Meanwhile, in the dungeons, Athanasios and Sadık have some great chitchat. Sadık: "Guess that's some quality father and son in law bonding time, eh?” S:“Though I'm pretty sure your son would rather call me daddy than you." A: "Once this entire drama is over, I'll have you decapitated. Or just kick you back to your people and let them handle this." S: "Ah, but when I came here as a fake prince, your arms and gates were wide open. Should've listened to your son when he told you so."

- Here’s also some Salvatore content: Athanasios: "And now you strut around in my clothes. I'm surprised they even fit you fatass!" Salvatore: "Oh, the entire imprisonment is really getting to you, ain't it, emperor tightlips? Ah, I meant - ex-emperor tight lips. Now you've sunk low enough to insult me with such details. Is it because you have nothing else left now that you're off your high horse?" Salvatore: "I thought so. At least you're enough of a sound mind to not threaten me with 'once I get out of here' hot air. Because we both know you're not getting out of here in a lifetime anymore. And yes, I’m wearing your rags, since I’ve got no time to waste.” Salvatore to Sadık: "Actually, it's sad that you aren't going to be there to watch it. Although, I think a public execution would just spice the entire wedding festivities up, if I think about it."

- Ah yes. The wedding. Herakles: "You look great today, my love. Like a polished jewel." Michele: "Thanks. I'd never seen a man more handsome than you though. Truly, a prince with all his qualities seen right away." Both: -sigh- Ft. Dilan, who’s just watching the kids sadly and is trying to reassure them she got this, she’s gonna find a way, it’ll be fine!!!

- Herakles and Michele wonder why Sadık didn't use that wish. To which Dilan replies he said he'd free her with it, but she didn't believe he'd actually uphold that promise. And he shouldn't have because now she's useless and he's in trouble. (And Hera only falls more in love with Sadık, because being a good person is HELLA swoony.)

- Dilan also tries to cheer them up and I believe she can still do small magic tricks, she just can't get out of whatever shackles/confinement she is in. So when she isn't despairing or raging, she tries to cheer Herakles and Michele up with some silly little tricks. She shapeshifts into their fathers to make fun of them. Which leads them to an idea ...

- I have no idea what it is though. I only know that the grand final and resolution involves shapeshifting. If anyone who's better at plots wants to give me ideas, please do.

- However they manage to stop Salvatore's machinations, this is what follows: Salvatore gets thrown into the dungeons. Herakles decides to not let his father out and instead take the crown himself. He becomes emperor and marries Sadık. Sadık uses his last wish to set Dilan free. Michele goes to travel to Sicily, promising he’ll write letters to them and come visit some day (Dilan promises the same).

- The end of Salvatore and Athanasios rotting in jail together is SO satisfying to me, bc now that they are useless to each other, there is nothing left to do but be a pain in each other’s ass. They hate each other and they DESERVE EACH OTHER.

Sequel Bait:

- Before we get to the sequel bait, let me give you some prequel bait for a change. Here's a little "what if one of the many suitable matches for Herakles had been one of the Beilschmidt brothers" scenario. Plus free medieval history lesson:

- Now for the actual sequel: Three years come and go. Herakles and Sadık settle in their new rules as emperor and ... emperor's husband. (I don't know if Byzantine empresses were "put into office" in the same way the Emperor was. If someone is more knowledgeable about this than me, correct me).

- Their marriage is going swell, however both struggle in their new official roles. Herakles faces all the administrative problems and tough decisionmaking that comes with being a ruler, while Sadık struggles to be accepted by the people of Constantinople. Where Herakles tends to take care of the court, Sadık tries his hand at being a military leader.

- One morning, Sadık wakes up with Herakles in the room. Which should not be surprising, if it wasn't for the fact that Herakles had left the city yesterday. He's oddly nonchalant about it when Sadık asks him and also ... weirdly chipper? Eager? Kitschy in his flirting? He's at first flattered, but soon very confused by everything and wonders if either he hit his head real hard in his sleep or if Herakles fell off his horse when he tried to make it out of the city.

- Turns out none of it, because after some more eyelash fluttering, his "husband" goes POOF! and turns out to be Dilan, who's on the floor laughing. "You should have seen your stupid face! Really! Wait, I'll show you!"

- After Dilan is done shapeshifting into Sadık, absolutely overacting his reaction and argueing with him about it, they finally get to catch up. Turns out that Dilan was bored by travelling around the world and wanted to check in on her old buddy.

- She couldn't have chosen a more opportune time to do so. Once Herakles returns, he ... at first has a weird reunion with his husband. Sadık is kind of wary around him and starts to list his attitude and general personality traits/ticks as proof for ... something. Takes a while for Herakles to get the news that Dilan is back, too.

- Herakles is very relieved to hear that! He wanted to confide something in Sadık, because after he had returned to the city, someone had taken him aside. Natasa Simonides, an old and trusted courtly advisor, needed help. Recently, her husband Ibrahim disappeared and she's worried.

- Natasa also told Herakles a secret: Ibrahim is a Jinn, which is why his disappearance worries her even more. Herakles informs Sadık and asks Dilan if she knows anything, but she sadly hasn't heard anything either. - Before she can zip off and see if she can find Ibrahim, Herakles asks another favour of her - to educate Natasa's twins, Timothea Farah and Omar Veniam instead. Natasa thinks they may be able to find their father, but they don't know they're half-Jinn, so they'd need some guidance. Dilan happily agrees to be their teacher!

- My only more in-depth infos on Jinn and their children with humans comes from this Monstrum video by PBS Storied. I don't think Thea & Omar would need to be taught by anyone to be seers and how to be in communication with non-human spheres, but it makes for a better story.

- So Dilan is off to teach the kids while Sadık volunteers to go and search for Ibrahim. Herakles resumes his imperial role in the city.

- It's not really fun and as the people become more and more agitated with the status quo, more and more people "remember" that the old emperor is still around. Enough people are going "What's that kid knowing anyways?! All those highfangled ideas and useless reforms, for what?" that a select few decide to stage a coup by releasing Athanasios from the dungeons.

- Now, I still haven't decided if Salvatore also gets let out. The problem is that I really would begrudge him his freedom ... but I also begrudge Athanasios his freedom! It doesn't feel fair that one bastard gets to walk free and the other doesn't!

- Out in the field, Sadık isn't having much more luck. No Jinn in sight and the trouble he has with a few of the men that accompany him keeps him thinking about the acceptance problems again. He really wishes at one point that Herakles wasn't emperor at all. You can imagine how terrible he feels for these thoughts when news of the coup catches up to them. Be careful what you wish for and all that jazz. On top of that, he gets into trouble as well - betrayed by some of the men he had taken along. He gets stuck in some place like a cave or an abandoned house he was investigating ...

- Sadık finds a large sealed bottle and thinks 'Well, what's the worst that could happen?' He is greeted by a GIANT cloud of smoke instead of anything edible/drinkable. By the time the cloud is human-shaped, he already has a giant grin on his face. Sadık: "Hah! I have a sixth sense for this kind of stuff!" Jinn: "Greetings, mor-" Sadık: "Yeah, yeah, quick question, is your name Ibrahim? Or do you know one of your kind called Ibrahim who's been passing through recently?" Jinn: "My name is Ibrahim - " Sadık: "Great! You know a Greek lady called Natasa? I take that look as a yes. Okay, so first wish is to get us out of here, second wish we'll see, third is like freeing you from the whole servitude bit - You do the three wishes thing, right? Anyways, your wife and kids are wishing for dad to come home, so get us out of here, you'll get explanations on the way back."

- In the meantime, Dilan and her protégés, along with Natasa and Herakles, have been trying to figure out how to solve the problem at court. It doesn't help that the news of Sadık's troubles also reached them (I know the speed of spreading information may be historically hella inaccurate, but I need it for the drama). So Dilan is torn between helping her best bud and helping the rest at court. The Greeks cook up a plan and assure her that she should go and help Sadık, they've got this.

- The plan is to get Athanasios to do something incredibly stupid that would immediately turn the people against him. They exploit the fact that Athanasios likes to listen to words that fall from pretty lady's mouths. So Timothea flatters her eyelashes and promises to tell him something of a vision she had ... that the divine has something to tell him through her. (Don't worry for her, she may have to endure his fingers under her chin, which is infuriating and nauseous enough, but no more skin contact than this). Thea gets backed by her brother to lend it more credibility once Athanasios considers with his head and not his dick.

- And we can all appreciate that Dilan has been sent away, otherwise the scene would have been like this: Thea: "The spirits are talking to me about you ... " Dilan: "Mhm, mhm, indeed, I can hear them to. They're saying that you're a bitch!"

- Dilan in the meantime reaches Sadık, Ibrahim and those of his troop that haven't betrayed and abandoned him as soon as they heard of the coup. A little happy reunion before she immediately fills them in on what's happening.

- They come up with a plan themselves to finally get rid of Athanasios and the Simonides and Herakles have begun to sweat a little back home, because Athanasios mistake of listening to the twins' advice has bought them time, but not really solved the problem yet. Which is when Dilan and Ibrahim sweep in, concocting an illusion powerful enough to wrap up everyone in Constantinople and make Athanasios seem like the literal devil. Some mass-hallucination miracle bullshit, truly, to assert that he doesn't deserve the throne.

- Maybe for good measure, Athanasios disappears after the illusion is over. Dilan and Ibrahim have no idea where he went, they say with a smile.

- Another grand finale! The four lovers are reunited, Thea and Omar are overjoyed to have their dad back and he is overjoyed to have his kids back. When Dilan tells the Simonides twins that they did a great job, she's a good teacher after all haha!, Ibrahim and Natasa invite her to stay. Dilan says that they don't need her, surely, now that Ibrahim can teach them, but Ibrahim says he could use some help. Herakles also encourages her, saying that he'd love to have her at court - and Sadık also bullies her into staying. "What do you wanna do, see the world again? Didn't do much for your peanut brain the first time around, maybe hit the books together with Hera so that you'll be a passable teacher some day."

- Dilan and Omar also have evolved a crush on one another during this entire mess. That's what I'll leave you with - all well that ends well.

Also hey you! Thanks for reading all of this! Here's a little bonus content if you made it this far!

A wonderful fanart of Michele and Salvatore by my beloved friend C0FFINATED over on twitter!

Here's an amazing commission of the Greeks and Turks by @captkirkland ! I'm not sure if I'm allowed to repost the pictures myself on tumblr & you shoud reblog it from him anyways. Show him and his amazing art some love! From left to right it's Timothea, Herakles, Omar, then Dilan, Sadık and Havva (who's not featured in this AU, rip. Things would have worked to well with their brainpower).

Thanks for reading this! Hope you have a wonderful day!

[artificialqueens]

Everybody Knows You're High, 3/4 (Rajila) - Dartmouth420

Summary: Raja’s attempt at self-awareness uncovers some… feelings. Manila gets paranoid, there’s another party, and a big old miscommunication.

A/N: we now truly enter the idiots portion of this friends-to-idiots-to-lovers tale. this has been fun to write, thank you to everyone for your enthusiasm :)

tw: weed, mild jealousy, alcohol, vomiting

“So, Manila thinks I lack self-awareness,” announced Raja to the kitchen as she stirred a large helping of weed into the pot of melted butter on the stove. She wanted to get a second opinion on the matter, and her roommates were a great place to start.

Delta and Carmen burst out laughing.

“Yeah, no shit,” deadpanned Delta, who was next to her at the counter, chopping vegetables.

“What? Come on… ” complained Raja, turning away from the stove. Apparently the second opinion was mockery.

“You’re one of the least self-aware people I’ve ever met,” added Carmen, who was sitting at the kitchen table with her knees up and drinking tea, “Like, it’s kind of charming but also maybe worth a psychological study, you know?”

“Well you’re a Psych major, write a paper on me or whatever.”

“You know, that’s not a bad idea…”

“So wait, you’re still into her?” said Delta, with exaggerated concerned, “Raja, how long has it been?”

“A while… ” replied Raja vaguely, stirring her concoction with a wooden spoon. The smell of weed infusing into butter permeated the room.

“That’s for real? I thought it was a joke,” said Carmen, putting her tea down, “This isn’t normal for you.”

“I’d even say unprecedented,” added Delta, with a smirk at the edge of her mouth.

“Ugh, stop it,” whined Raja, pouting.

When Raja decided the infusion was sufficient, she took the weed butter mixture and dumped it through a strainer into a large bowl, then turned back to the stove and put several squares of baking chocolate in the same pot, leaving it to melt over low heat.

“I just want to… ” said Raja, trying to gather her thoughts and feelings into one place. She got out the eggs, sugar and flour. What she felt for Manila was a wonderful and frustrating mixture of friendship and attraction. It wasn’t much different from the way she felt about her other friends, but it was stronger and a lot more distracting. There wasn’t any good way to express it. “…I don’t know, make out with her.”

“That much is obvious,” laughed Delta. “So do it already.”

“I’m trying but she thinks I’m joking, she keeps making fun of me! I don’t get it, what am I doing wrong?”

“Well if you want more than a casual hook-up, then maybe tell her that… but like, in a subtle way,” said Carmen, sipping her tea, “You’ll have an opportunity today, I invited her over for a Mario Kart rematch-“

“No!” exclaimed Raja and Delta at the same time. Mario Kart was banned at their house for a reason.

“Also,” continued Carmen as though they hadn’t spoken, motioning at Raja’s bowl, “Are the special brownies just for you, or for everyone?”

“Everyone,” replied Raja, wondering if Carmen was right, maybe she did want a little more than just a casual makeout session with Manila. She mixed the sugar and melted chocolate into the butter with a whisk. But what did more even mean? “They’re for that party at Morgan’s this weekend.”

“Oooh, that’ll be fun.”

-

Luckily Raja and Delta managed to convince Carmen and Manila to avoid a friendship-shattering Mario Kart rematch and they all played Super Smash Bros as usual while the scent of baking brownies filled the apartment.

Manila seemed more relaxed today, squashed into the couch with the three roommates. Raja had been defeated first, she put her controller down as her character died and tilted her head to rest on Manila’s shoulder.

“Guess what I did last night?” said Manila out of the blue, her quick thumbs jabbing at the controller and building up combinations of moves to strike at Carmen on the screen, to Carmen’s frustrated grumble next to her.

“What?” asked Raja lazily, while on the screen Carmen and Manila teamed up to rip Delta’s character to shreds. Manila smelled like lavender conditioner. Would her neck taste like that too?

“Yara started Snapchatting me, apparently she’s mad at Alexis now,” said Manila, in a self-congratulatory tone, “And it got a little sexy.”

“How sexy are we talking?” asked Delta immediately, her voice full of intrigue.

“Yeah, how sexy?” added Carmen, trying to get her character back up onto the platform as Manila turned on her.

A weird feeling swirled in Raja’s stomach. She frowned, still resting her head on Manila’s shoulder, almost afraid to look at her expression. On the screen, Delta’s character died and Delta dropped her controller, clearly far more interested in the story than she was in the game.

“We might’ve…” drawled Manila, suggestively, “Exchanged a few pictures and videos and uh, you know.”

“Oh my god, you did that with Yara?!” exclaimed Delta, delighted. “While she’s still dating Alexis? Whore.”

“Mmm,” said Manila smugly, nudging Raja’s leg with her own, while on the screen she summoned a thunderbolt and attacked Carmen. “You know what I like about her? She’s incredibly self-aware-”

“I think the brownies are done!” exclaimed Raja, leaping up from the couch and walking furiously out of the room into the kitchen, to the laughter of her three friends.

Raja paced around the kitchen, fuming. The joke had gone too far at this point, and Manila was just rubbing it in and being mean. Raja wasn’t even that jealous of Manila’s interaction with Yara, she just didn’t understand what was so appealing about someone on the other side of a screen, when Raja herself was a warm, living, breathing human and right here!

Raja mourned how incredibly unjust the whole situation was, and took the brownies out of the oven. She waited for them to cool, listening to the conversation and the noise from the TV as Manila once again royally defeated everyone in the room and Carmen complained that she’d win if they were playing Mario Kart…

It hit Raja like a lightning bolt. Maybe she could just tell Manila how she felt, ask her directly what she wanted, and see if it made a difference and would make the stupid joke stop. Raja beamed at her reflection in the window and posed victoriously. She was self-aware as fuck.

But first, weed brownies.

Raja sliced the still-warm tray, taking out four pieces so there was one for everyone if they wanted. Raja’s recipe was potent so it was best to be careful and start small. She put them on a little plate and brought it back out into the living room.

“Who wants to get wrecked?” asked Raja with a big grin, coming back around the corner to where Delta was stretching, Carmen had a competitive look on her face and Manila was gently taunting her.

“Me!”

“Me too.”

“Same.”

“Wicked,” said Raja, and plopped back down in her spot on the couch, offering the plate. Everyone took a piece, and complimented her on the taste. What a lovely way to spend an afternoon.

“It’s not working,” complained Manila, after another few more rounds of Smash Bros, “We’re gonna need more.”

“Yeah, I’m not really feeling it,” added Delta.

“Just give it time, you two are so impatient,” said Raja, rolling her eyes.

An hour later Raja was thoroughly couch-locked, lying on her side, a deep relaxation throughout her body. Her thoughts were slow and gentle, like great blue whales moving in the vast Pacific. Manila sat next to her, slumped back, her expression glazed over. Delta was flat on her back on the floor, staring at the ceiling. Carmen was curled up in the easy chair next to the couch, her caramel hair spilling over the arm.

The Smash Bros theme played over and over from the opening menu on the TV, but the controllers were completely abandoned.

“Do you think they’re spying on us?” whispered Manila, staring straight ahead.

“Who?” asked Raja, squinting at her.

“I dunno, the CIA?”

“I mean, probably.”

“No… ” groaned Manila in response, bringing a hand to her mouth, “I don’t want that.”

“Are you getting paranoid?” asked Raja, slow concern rising in her body.

“No… ” said Manila, and looked around, her expression growing nervous, “But, they could be, right? Anyone could be. Do you think they have cameras like, in our phones?”

“Yeah,” replied Raja, blinking glacially, “There’s cameras in our phones, duh. How else would we take pictures?”

Manila scrunched her eyebrows together and whimpered, anxiously pushing her phone off the couch so it clattered on the floor.

“No,” managed Delta from next to the coffee table, “I don’t think-”

Raja loosely realized that Manila was heading in the direction of a bad time. Raja sat up, shifting her slow, heavy limbs to pull Manila up too so that they sat cross-legged on the couch, looking at each other. Manila’s pupils were huge, and her lips were slightly parted.

“No one’s watching you,” said Raja, attempting confidence, “Uh, no one that matters, anyway.”

“What if I fail all my classes?” whispered Manila.

“You’re not gonna.”

“But what if I do?”

Raja reached forward and took Manila’s face in her hands, and said, “Then we’ll drop out together and become… drag kings. Or entrepreneurs. We’d be good at that.”

Manila let out a tiny laugh, but her eyebrows remained worried. Totally spaced out, Raja just smiled at her and hoped it helped.

Manila reached out and took Raja’s face in her hands as well, stroking her thumbs across Raja’s cheekbones. The action was so oddly intimate and animal that, in a flash, Raja understood exactly why and how human beings were descended from apes, and before that, how fish had first crawled out of the vast, primordial ocean onto land.

“What are you thinking about?” asked Manila, her voice soft, her pupils huge. Her hair was a curly cascade down her shoulders.

“Whales,” murmured Raja in response, and in her minds eye another blue whale of thought rose up, carrying with it the idea that it might be lovely to kiss Manila right now-

“That’s beautiful,” whispered Manila, with rare earnestness.

“Do you wanna make out?” murmured Raja. Manila’s face was warm, and the scent of her lavender conditioner drifted from her hair into Raja’s nose again.

“Yeah, but Delta and Carmen are right here,” said Manila, dropping her hands from Raja’s face to rest on her forearms. Raja let go of Manila’s face as well, resting her hands in her lap as Manila’s positive response slowly registered in her mind. Her fingertips almost tingled.

“They don’t care.”

“We totally don’t,” agreed Carmen from the chair, where she’d shifted, now upside down with her legs draped over the back of it, “That might be kinda hot, actually.”

“We should paint the ceiling…” whispered Delta, awed, from the floor.

“We can make out in the future,” said Manila, patting Raja’s arm in a reassuring way, and reaching for the bag of chips on the table.

“The future?” said Raja, a whale of concern surfacing in her mind, “Like, with global warming and Mars colonies?”

“Yeah, then.”

Later, when Manila had stumbled home and Raja was a bit less high, she remembered that Manila had technically said yes, and considered it to be good progress. In fact, now that she’d truly registered it, excitement was growing in her chest. Finally, her proposition had worked! She couldn’t wait.

-

Manila awoke the next day to the pure adrenaline and terror that can only be brought on by the violence of a loud alarm clock after too little sleep. Manila slapped at the stop button on her alarm and willed her heart to stop racing. It was just the weed, she reasoned to herself as she stared at the ceiling and still felt high, it was just the weed that had made her say yes. Raja’s fucking weed brownies. Raja wouldn’t even remember the conversation. Hopefully. Not that touching her face and staring into her deep brown eyes hadn’t been nice, really nice.

Raja was a lot more… attentive, lately. Affectionate. Caring. Maybe a little jealous, as proven by Manila’s complete and utter lie about Yara, which she’d strategically employed to test the waters. Raja was acting the way you’d act around someone who was maybe more than just a friend or a casual hookup…

But Manila wasn’t exactly sure what to do with that information.

Manila supposed she could’ve just told Raja how she felt, as she willed herself to get out of bed, but she sensed that once she started talking she wouldn’t be able to stop and it would all come out. All those painful feelings she’d been storing away since they’d met. There was no humanly possible way to be chill about it.

More immediately, there was the matter of getting to her morning class. It was the only other class she shared with Raja, and Manila didn’t believe in skipping class except in the circumstance of dire illness. Manila got dressed, put on some mom jeans and tried to find all her stuff, then hurried outside to find Raja waiting for her on the sidewalk out front, with a big grin, saying, “You’re late.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yeah, you are.”

Raja stared at her for a long time, and Manila stared back and blinked. Even in the morning, with dark circles under her eyes, unbrushed hair, those stupid yellow sunglasses and an ugly, oversized camouflage T-shirt, Raja still looked impossibly sexy. Ugh. Manila hated her, and herself, for a split second.

“You’re still high,” stated Raja, her grin growing like the Cheshire Cat.

“Just a little.”

“I am too.”

“Whoop-de-fucking-do for us.”

“Mm-hmm,” hummed Raja smugly, and they walked down the street towards campus, falling into step.

Manila knew she had readings to do later, but maybe she’d take a break and play Legend of Zelda this afternoon. Zelda always made her feel better, and maybe if she beat the Water Temple she’d feel a little less head over heels in stupid, unrequited love with Raja. Raja slung a lazy arm over her shoulder as they walked and Manila decided that it may as well happen, and wrapped her arm around Raja’s back, because human contact was nice and it made her feel a little less annoyed about everything.

-

Everyone at the party at Morgan’s house (except Raven) cheered when Raja put the plate of weed brownies down on the kitchen table and announced, “Alright bitches, they’re special and potent, and they take about forty-five minutes to kick in, so start small.”

But Raja hadn’t indulged in her own creations tonight. Instead, she sipped some wine and watched as Manila played an incredibly loud and competitive round of beer pong with Shangela and her dancer friends. Raja had decided to go right back to what Manila had first told her on the day she’d freaked out at the grocery store and had her little realization, which was to ask her when she wasn’t high. And to tell her how she felt. With like, words.

She’d discussed her plan thoroughly with Delta, who thought the whole thing was getting ridiculous and someone should probably just lock Raja and Manila in a room together until they figured it out. Unfortunately it wasn’t up to Delta. Raja laughed as Shangela victoriously sunk the ping pong ball again and Manila grumbled and drank up.

Raja went out on the deck, leaning on the railing and looking out at the yard. It was a warm night with a gentle breeze, and Raja felt the urge to light up a joint but pushed it aside. In the opposite corner of the deck, Manila’s gym buddy, Willam, was talking to somebody. Raja nodded to her, and she nodded back and continued her conversation. Music and light spilled out of the house.

Raja smoothed down her shirt and waited. She’d told Manila she’d be out on the deck for a while and hopefully Manila would come find her after she inevitably lost to Shangela at beer pong. Shangela had the hand-eye coordination of a heart surgeon, even a few drinks in, and while Manila was great at Smash Bros, and liked to run and work out, her depth perception in real life had room for improvement.

So Raja waited, and tried not to sweat nervously. This whole self-awareness thing was challenging, and it was awkward not being high at a party. Perhaps what Manila had said about Raja being kind of an anxious bitch was right…

A couple minutes later Manila stumbled out onto the deck with a red solo cup in her hand, laughing at something happening behind her. Unfortunately, Willam caught Manila’s eye before she noticed Raja lurking in the corner like a gremlin, and she went over and talked to her. Raja glanced over at some antics happening on the lawn, until Manila finally turned around and sauntered the few short steps across the deck to her.

“Ugh, I can’t believe Shangela beat me again,” complained Manila, leaning on the railing next to Raja, “She wins like every time!”

“See how it feels?” teased Raja.

“Whatever bitch, you deserve to be last at something,” replied Manila, nudging her and giving her a tipsy grin.

Raja chuckled and took a moment to gather herself. She’d never had to tell anyone she actually liked them before, and really wasn’t sure where to start. Normally, most people wanted to make out and leave it at that and if they caught feelings then Raja would either go along with it or let them down easy. Raja snuck a glance at Manila. Her hair was up a high ponytail again tonight, brushing the back of her neck, and her little smirk had a knowing edge to it. Her tight black shirt was… low-cut. Raja quickly looked back up at her face.

“You’re not smoking your usual blunt,” observed Manila, bluntly, after a moment of silence.

“Oh yeah, no,” said Raja, twisting her hands together. This would have been way easier high. “I didn’t feel like it.”

“So you had some of your brownies earlier.”

“Nope.”

“Ooh, so you’re drinking tonight,” said Manila with a conspiratorial smile, gesturing at the mostly untouched red solo cup balanced on the ledge of the railing next to Raja, and raising her own.

“Not really.”

“You’re sober?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?” asked Manila, scrunching up her nose, as cute as she was incredulous, “We’re at a party.”

Raja wasn’t entirely sure why she was so mercilessly sober at this party either, but then she remembered the task at hand.

Dodging the question, Raja clutched at her cup and said, “So, I kind of wanted to tell you something.”

“What?” asked Manila, turning around and leaning back against the railing, resting her elbows on the edge.

“Uh,” said Raja, and let out an awkward laugh, “Well.” She took a deep breath and tried her best. “I’ve been thinking about uh, our friendship and about you, like, over the past little while.”

Manila looked confused, but motioned for her to continue.

“I really like you.” There, Raja had said it, but the words kept tumbling out. “You’re pretty and hilarious and smart and you actually look after yourself, which is like, responsible and kinda hot. And we already know we get along, so maybe it’s a good place to, uh, start dating… in a low-key kind of way?”

Manila still looked confused, even borderline distressed, like she was trying to wrestle a very difficult philosophical concept. Raja realized that she hadn’t been very clear.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is, uh,” finished Raja, biting her lip and laughing awkwardly again, “Do you wanna make out?”

Manila’s face was on an emotional journey, which Raja watched with a combination of amusement and nervous anticipation. Maybe Manila would make fun of her for this too, and she’d just have to live with it. Maybe it didn’t matter how Raja felt, it would remain a joke forever. Or maybe, just maybe, Manila would feel the same way…

“Uh,” said Manila, nodding to herself. Her eyes were wide with surprise and disbelief, and she didn’t even tease Raja for being a total dweeb, which Raja had expected. “I mean…”

Raja waited, trying not to fidget and totally failing.

“Yeah,” said Manila, with a heavy, relieved exhale, “Yeah, I think that could be really great.”

A big smile stole over Manila’s face and she straightened up from where she was leaning on the railing and shuffled closer to Raja. Raja stepped forward too, her heart beating fast. She was so happy, so relieved, now that she’d admitted her feelings and Manila seemed to return them, she wanted nothing more than to make out with her, finally.

They leaned towards each other, excited and cautious. Manila touched Raja’s shirt, running her finger over the buttons. They were very close together. Raja could smell the alcohol on her breath and that lavender conditioner as Manila leaned in closer, tilting her head up to meet her, their lips just about to touch-

But at the last second Raja couldn’t resist the urge to mess with Manila, as she had with her before.

“Mmm, you know what?” said Raja, pulling back and flipping her hair over her shoulder, joking, “You missed your chance, I’m not interested anymore.”

Raja grinned. But instead of smiling back and maybe smacking her arm in mock-offence, genuine betrayal and disappointment crossed over Manila’s face. She stepped back, gave Raja an awful, disgusted look, turned on her heel and she stomped off the deck and back into the house.

Raja’s stomach dropped right out her body and through the deck, through the grass and the dirt and the crust of the earth right into the magma underneath.

Oh shit.

-

Manila had known, she’d just known that it was too good to be true.

And of course, she was right. It was entirely bullshit. Raja was just messing with her but it had gone to too far and it wasn’t funny anymore! Before, when it had just been silly, casual offers to make out it was fine, but Raja lying about having real feelings was cruel. Manila breathed in deeply and pressed back tears.

Manila stalked through the party in to the crowded living room, where there was a folding table covered in bottles of alcohol and mix. Manila took a random half-empty bottle of Absolut™ vodka and put it to her lips, gulping back as much as she could. It stung her throat. Manila should never, ever have let herself admit that she cared, let herself be vulnerable-

“Hey,” said a voice next to her, “That’s my vodka.”

Manila lowered the bottle, which was significantly emptier, and saw Raven with a frown on her face, her blunt bangs just brushing her neat eyebrows.

“Sorry,” muttered Manila and put the bottle back down on the table.

But Raven just took it and poured two hefty shots into two conveniently located shot glasses, and offered Manila one. Fuck it. Manila took the shot glass. With a smirk, Raven raised her glass and Manila clinked them together, then slammed it back. Manila eyed Raven as she lowered the glass, her stomach twisting against the sudden onslaught of alcohol. Raven wasn’t really her type but she was attractive enough, and the betrayal and anger rolling around in Manila’s body needed to go somewhere-

“Let me guess,” said Raven, with a knowing smile, “You were talking to Raja, right? She has a tendency to break hearts.”

Manila nodded bitterly, trying to put the glass down on the table, and momentarily lost her balance. Raven grabbed her arm and steadied her, letting out a low, amused chuckle.

“Do you wanna make out?” asked Manila impulsively, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

Raven blinked with surprise, and laughed, “Sure? I always thought you were cute-“

“Great,” interrupted Manila, stumbling in to Raven and wrapping her arms around her neck. The kiss was sudden and sloppy, the taste of vodka mingling on their mouths.

-

Raja stood all alone on the deck. She’d fucked up.

Raja hadn’t been thinking, she’d rashly assumed the joke would be harmless, and that Manila could take it. Manila had done practically the same thing to her a few weeks ago…

But maybe it wasn’t quite the same, because that time Raja had just been offering to casually make out, not like… actually attempting to express her feelings and propose that they try to date or whatever. Hmm.

Spurred by her own foolishness and the sudden fear that Manila would never talk to her again, Raja walked quickly off the deck. She re-entered the party, and scanned the kitchen. The plate of brownies was picked over and the music was loud and it was even more crowded than before. But Manila wasn’t in there, and Raja looked round for Delta or Carmen to ask for help. Carmen was nowhere to be seen, and Delta was in the corner, flirting with some guy.

Raja would have to deal with this herself.

Raja moved through the crowd of people towards the living room. She passed Shangela, Morgan and some guys and then entered the crowded room. Raja craned her neck to see over the crowd, and froze.

Manila was by a table covered in bottles, locked in an embrace with Raven of all people!

They were by the edge of the crowd, their bodies flush together, Manila’s arms around Raven’s neck, and Raven’s hands on her waist… betrayal and hurt flooded through Raja’s veins.

“Hey!” exclaimed Raja, hurrying across the room, “What the hell, Manila?! You can’t just make out with my ex!”

Raven and Manila broke away from each other, and both glared at her. Raven’s stupid red lipstick was smeared across Manila’s lips, staining the perfect corner of her mouth.

“I can do what I want!” objected Manila, slurring her words and turning back to Raven, trying to kiss her again, but Raven was still glaring at Raja, her expression annoyed.

“I told you like four times you’re not invited to parties here anymore!” snapped Raven.

“You know I don’t read your texts,” retorted Raja, trying to get Manila to make eye contact with her as Manila pawed at Raven, trying to pull her back in, “Manila, come on-”

“You’re such a bitch,” said Raven, rolling her eyes and batting Manila away from her. “Back off Manila, I don’t want to be involved with whatever this is-”

“Don’t go-” managed Manila, trying to hang on to Raven, but Raven slid out of her grip and quickly escaped across the crowded living room into the hallway.

Raja and Manila stared at each other.

“Look, I didn’t mean it-” began Raja.

“Whatever,” interrupted Manila, shaky, trying to push past her and follow Raven, “I know you didn’t mean it, obviously.”

“No,” said Raja, shifting in front of her, and trying to get her words out properly, “I meant the first part, the part where I said I like you. But not the part where I said, uh, that I didn’t. Like you.”

Even Raja could tell that was basically incoherent. Manila tilted her head to the side and her mouth fell open in annoyed confusion. Raja didn’t know what to say, the hurt and regret swirled inside her. But she desperately wanted Manila to understand that what she meant was, well… not serious, exactly. But important, significant. She should’ve had some weed to take the edge off.

“Wait, what-” began Manila, reaching out to steady herself on the table.

“Can we talk about this somewhere else?” asked Raja, noting that Manila seemed significantly drunker then she’d been a few minutes ago. “Also, are you okay?”

“I had some vodka,” muttered Manila, and then nodded, “Yeah, let’s uh, go outside.”

“Right,” said Raja, and let Manila lead her unsteadily through the room and down the front steps.

Outside, Manila started walking down the familiar sidewalk in the direction of where they both lived. The noise of the party faded behind them. Raja walked next to her, trying to gather her words again.

“I’m sorry I made fun of you at the Halloween party just ‘cause you wanted to make out,” apologized Manila, in a small, tight voice, “But I- I just couldn’t deal with it. I can’t deal with you, you make me feel like I’m going insane.”

“Well… yeah it kind of hurt, but it’s okay,” said Raja, trying to make sense of the second part of what Manila had said, and figure out what to say next. Manila sighed deeply, her expression scrunched up, sad and frustrated, power-walking with unsteady determination down the street. Raja had to hurry to keep up.

“But like I said, uh,” continued Raja, unsure as to why they were practically sprinting, “You’re my friend and I care about you. I don’t want to make you feel like you’re insane or whatever-“

Their hands brushed together. Raja caught her fingers with Manila’s and held her hand, her grip gentle, hoping that maybe this would show how she felt better than words could.

A single tear dripped down Manila’s face, but she kept walking, squeezing Raja’s hand in return.

After a minute or two, Manila stopped abruptly and Raja jerked to halt a couple steps past her, their arms stretched out between them.

“Uh-” said Manila, and paled, her eyes widening.

She turned and threw up in the neighbour’s yard.

Raja rushed over and held her hair back while Manila puked up vodka-tainted bile into a giant hosta plant that Raja recognized as the one Manila had pushed her into a week or two ago. Manila groaned pathetically and straightened back up.

“Are we near my house?” whined Manila, spitting on the ground and wiping her mouth.

“Yeah,” replied Raja, suppressing her laugh and pointing barely fifteen feet away, “You live right here.”

“Oh.”

With that, they walked the few steps down the sidewalk and up the stairs to Manila’s house. Manila unlocked the door and flicked the light on, kicking off her shoes. Raja snuck past her and made for the kitchen, pouring two glasses of water. Admittedly one of them was in a mason jar, because the dishes situation seemed a bit out of control. Manila followed her through and they both sat down at the kitchen table.

Raja handed Manila the water and Manila sipped it. She looked haggard and sad, her lower lip pouting more than normal. Raja reflected in the silence, thinking over what had happened and wondering if they’d ever manage to get involved at this rate. Maybe by graduation. Manila stood up from the table and got some saltines from the cupboard and they ate them, and drank more water. Then Manila stood up again, and paused awkwardly in front of Raja.

“I need to go to bed,” said Manila, biting her lip and not quite making eye contact.

“But I wanna make out,” whined Raja with a joking smile, before realizing with hot embarrassment that it was beyond stupid to make yet another joke about it-

“With my vomit breath?” replied Manila dryly.

Raja laughed, and so did Manila, dimples appearing in her cheeks. Raja stood, relieved, and they surveyed one another awkwardly. Raja darted forward and hugged Manila, pulling her in close for a moment and breathing in the smell of her hair. Manila seemed surprised but hugged her in return.

Raja stepped back and said, “Let’s talk tomorrow?”

Manila nodded, crossing her arms and looking tired and pathetic in lousy yellowish light of her kitchen. Her hair was everywhere, her eyes were puffy, and Raven’s red lipstick still stained the side of her mouth.

Well, thought Raja mildly to herself as she left, this is the woman I’ve chosen to love.

Love. Hmm.

[miwtual]

9,11,14,17 for mcu in general. for #17 y'know what spill the tea bout how you'd fix the ending in end game. I was gonna put an anime but why not your in a MCU kick go for it ok oiy bestie ❤❤😘

salty asks

9. Most disliked character(s)? Why?

tony stark... i mean need i say more KJSNDLF nah but i will, i think its just bc of his attitude. like i understand hes traumatized but so are??? so many other people in the mcu??? and hes just Like That? like i dunno like if u like tony stark good for u im not saying its anything about u hes just not rlly my kind of dude

11. Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

i feel like mcu peter parker gets,, so much hate thats not rlly needed LMAO like i know a lot of people dont think he “feels” like peter parker or that hes got too much going for him to be tony stark 2.0 (which i understand, im not really into that either, seeing as i dont like tony lmao), but he just. he feels like a realistic teen? like we saw his passport in far from home, he was born in 2001 like i was and i just feel like he acts like people my age did back in high school,, like he wears dorky, punny graphic tees from walmart and target and he couldnt talk to girls because he was so incredibly shy and he wants to be a superhero but his role models are so much bigger than he could ever dream he was (like tony stark, like however u feel about tony or mcu peter... tony’s got some massive shoes to fill that not even he could, and now peters left behind with it) and idk i just feel like mcu peter parker has a lot of potential to be a really interesting character but so many people just write him off as tony stark 2.0 or not a “real” spiderman and that just bugs me bc like... hes been in, like, 2 movies of his own and every other movie hes been in hes overshadowed by the big wig superheroes ahead of him like iron man and captain america... like bro give the boy some space to grow yknow what i mean

14. Unpopular opinion about your fandom?

i feel like i dont interact w the mcu fandom for this question KNSDLF but i do see people from time to time just. not understand lokis character in the mcu... and like on one hand i understand that bc a LOT (and i mean a lot) of his character development that makes him more 3-dimensional is in deleted scenes from movies hes in but on the other hand like. hes not just “plain evil” but hes not a great guy either and idk how people just dont?? understand that? like the mcu tries to make him a clear-cut bad guy but just from how he acted in the loki series we can see that like. thats not who he is or who he wants to be

17. Instead of XYZ happening, I would have made ABC happen…

theres literally SO MUCH about endgame i’d fix but im an asgard whore so im going to talk about thor specifically <3 under the cut, tw for alcoholism and depression (this is endgame!thor we’re talking about)

thors!! depression!! should!! have!! been!! CARED ABOUT!!! the man just lost MOST of his kingdom, watched his brother TRULY die, lost his mother AND father, AND THEN!!! went to fight thanos to get revenge for his brother (and everyone else he lost, like, two seconds after escaping the complete destruction of his HOME for the past 1000+ years) and saw so many people who were fighting with him get OBLITERATED with the snap of a finger that he was trying to literally CUT OFF with stormbreaker!!!!! that bitch has so much WEIGHT on his shoulders after all of that, and they turned it into a JOKE!!!!!

if i was going to write thor with depression, he wouldnt have been a shut in. he still had people of (new) asgard to rule, to help navigate these horrible, HORRIBLE times.... and also??? in the last FIVE YEARS between infinity war, ur telling me absolutely NONE of the avengers even TRIED to contact him??? or that the entirety of new asgard AND valkyrie just let him sit in his cabin by himself with korg and miek and just checked in every once in a while???? i refuse to believe that. the avengers kept in constant contact WITH EACH OTHER!!! AFTER THANOS!!! WE SAW IT!! THEY CHECKED IN WITH NATASHA AT HQ!!!! WHY DID NO ONE CHECK ON THOR??? HES ONE OF THE OG SIX?????? (this also isnt about clint but its DEFINITELY about clint too, they didnt check on him either??? they knew he had a wife and kids and NOBODY checked on him????) idk i just dont BELIEVE that absolutely NOBODY checked in on thor!!!! in my head all of new asgard constantly gave him support and valkyrie did what she could to help him and natasha would find out where new asgard was so she could go see him bc she lost friends in this whole mess too........ god i hate endgame but i especially hate thor in endgame, they just let him sit there to be a walking fat joke with a side of alcoholism that was also treated as a joke. 

that being said however... the scene where he time travels to right before his mother died and he gets mjolnir back and says hes still worthy despite everything thats happened to him????? only good part of thor’s entire characterization in endgame and i MEAN it. the ONLY good part

[combat-wombatus]

uHm if you do these and if you want to do it I’d love a bnha matchup <3?

• my name is Aubri, I’m bi but prefer MHA boys tbh. I go by she/her, too.

• I’m a very Gryffindor person. (Sorry if you don’t know Harry Potter - 😖)

• I’m a June cancer, and I have ADHD and anxiety. My anxiety can be literally crippling somedays, but it’s gotten better overtime.

• I’m a bit of a class clown and usually just a clown 🤡 but that’s irrelevant. My teachers all hate me but like school-wise I do well so we have a love and mostly hate relationship 🤧

• I’m usually the ‘entertaining’ friend, in elementary the popular kids would invite me to play games with them because, “you’re funny” and it was like the biggest achievement ever 😭👍🏻 then they’d ignore me but that’s another therapy session

• I’m usually made fun of by people for being ‘weird’ and ‘insane’. Like all through elementary everyone thought I’d be a criminal when I grew up JUST BECAUSE I HAD UNDIAGNOSED ADHD - I hate it here 😐🦶🏻

• I’ve always been super into crime stories/true crime (where my anxiety comes from, I’m always worried about a pesky serial killer just killing me. It’s usually being kidnapped tho lmao) so I knew and still know like all these murder facts and sometimes I’d just randomly be like;

“Hey did you know it takes 12 hours and 2 days to dissolve a body in acid?”

or

“If you bury a dead deer over a dead body you buried deep in the ground, when police dogs sniff it and people dig they’ll just think it was the deer and won’t dig any farther.”

• So maybe people had a reason to be scared of me and think I’ll be a criminal someday, i dunno.

• I love love love reading and writing, and also debating. The things I’ve wanted to be when I grow up are basically: Dog shelter worker, actress, FBI agent, politician, and a writer. But usually I just want to do something that makes a positive impact on people. Like i wanted to be an FBI agent to solve crimes for people. I wanted to be a politican so I could actually help a lot of people. The entertainment industry also seemed like a way to make people happy. Idk, but then I decided I couldn’t be a politican at 10 because they were all corrupt and to be one I would have to be too. 😫🤌🏻 we love some good childhood angst

• the only subjects I’ve ever excelled at are ELA and Social Studies aka History, and Math I can’t do to save my life. ELA comes easy for me and I usually don’t have to work that hard and/or get too stressed over it. But I always get the meanest teachers for some reason. For example, one time I did my final essay for like 30% of my grade in 30 minutes the day it was due and I got an A+ 🦟🦗🦟🦗

• Uhhh id describe myself as a pretty loyal friend, I’m a ride or die type of girl. A story from my childhood that summarizes it pretty well is when I was in 2nd grade my friend wet her pants and she didn’t want to go to the nurse for it alone so I peed my pants so I could go with her and she wouldn’t have to be alone. Like, you know, a professional problem solver

• and I have genuinely attacked people for fucking with my friends but don’t snitch pls 🕳🏃‍♀️💨

• But also just anyone, people at my school tend to come to me with their problems for me to either help solve them by reasoning, or just to confront the other person like the bad bleep I am 😈😈

• I also have a huge daydreaming problem, it’s literally maladaptive daydreaming. So paired with my ADHD I don’t get shit done like ever.

• I have really high empathy levels I guess, like I always say hi to everyone I see on the street, especially if they look sad 😔 I’ve done it ever since I was a little kiddo.

• My fashion sense is very much a preppy/alt style. I wear those ripped tights and fishnets, I also have the MOST BIZARRE JEWELRY- like who allowed me to buy the gummy worm glittery earrings, hmmm???????? and those Mary Janes???????

• But I love crew necks and pleated skirts so I always obide by the National “hoes dont get cold” policy 🇺🇸😫🦅

• I wanna move somewhere someday, I don’t want to stay in America for very long

• I can speak Latin, French, and my native language which is English.

• My music taste varies, but my all-time favorite artists who all of their music they’ve ever put out has been my favorites are, Billie Eilish, Melanie Martinez, and Conan Gray.

• I no-joke have a sign in my front yard that says;

In ✍️ this ✍️ house we ✍️ don’t ✍️ worship Jesus ✍️ but instead ✍️ Melanie ✍️ Martinez

• My favorite shows are MHA (duh), The Promised Neverland, and Malcolm in The Middle.

• and I’m not going to tell you what I prefer in a partner, because that ruins the fun 😤

• but I will say I cannot be friends with someone who doesn’t really make me laugh. Like I’m used to doing most of the talking in convos but if you’re just boring I’m sorry it’s nothing personal but no thanks 😐✌🏻

• About my physical appearance, I have fluffy n curly brown hair, but when it’s in the sunlight it looks sort of brown but golden yk?? It’s shoulder length :) I have bleach blonde streaks in the front. I like wearing eyeliner most days, too. I’m pretty average size/ on the skinnier side. Kinda high key inscure abt my body bc I got flat shamed in elementary EVEN THOUGH I HAVE TIDDIES NOW- whatever 😤🙄. I also have crystal type blue eyes, and I do have fairly big eyes. But, like, not weirdly big. A good big. My cheekbones are ALWAYS PRESENT so sometimes I get called a Tim Burton character but it’s cool ig ☠️☠️ oh and I’m kinda short. I’m 5’3, even though my doctor said I’d be 5’7. I feel like I was either tricked by the doctor or someone just stole my destined height while I was asleep. It’s probably cause I didn’t keep an eye out for Selener 👁 😔😔

• I’m a definite night owl, like all of my energy comes at night which really sucks cuz I can’t do much since everyone else is asleep.

• My love language is touch starved so I’ve never figured it out ✌🏻😗🔫

• but I am an attention whore so idk 😏

• I’m a huge introvert with social anxiety. It isn’t as bad as it used to be cuz I used to not be able to like go to restaurants but now I’m much better.

• I’m a huge history person, mostly like sad history LMFAO. Uh but a lot of my hyperfixations have been on history. Some examples are The Roman Empire, Julius Caesar himself, Anne Frank, The Titanic, the Black Plauge, Helen Keller, Marie Curie, Slavery in the US, Joan of Arc, and just a lot more. I always love talking about these things if someone would let me ramble to them but no one ever does 😖 it also got to a point where for all these subjects I’d go to the library and try to find a book on them but usually I’d either have already read it or I’d read it and know all the information.

• I’m super into Greek Mythology, I have 7 books filled with the stories, I’m going to Greece maybe this summer to see it’s history, and named my hamster Aphrodite but we call her Aphie. I also will talk about this forever and ever if you let me.

• My favorite color is yellow, my favorite food is literally nothing I never have an appetite, my favorite planet is Saturn, favorite song is Tag Your It by Melanie Martinez atm but it changes like everyday.

• Music is a huge safe-space for me if I’m feeling down or having a panic attack. It calms me down n is overall my coping mechanism 💃🏻💃🏻

• Biggest fear is spiders, even looking at one gives me a panic attack and I cannot sleep at all for that night, adding to my insomniac ass 🧎🏻‍♂️🏌️‍♀️

• I’m mature for my age, I don’t exactly like hanging around kids my age and I get along better with older crowds.

• i don’t like conventional dates, (I PROMISE IM NOT TRYING TO SOUND ‘QUIRKY’ AHAHA) I kind of like having a best-friend type partner more so dates that aren’t as romantic as like the movies or a fancy restaurant suite me better. My dream date is playing Monopoly on my bedroom floor 🦧

• Also I hate getting gifts. End of story. If someone gets me a gift like awe that’s nice but never again, I’d prefer to get you one. Especially in a romantic partner 😐 i keep a journal of my friends’ interests and hobbies so I can get them the perfect gifts for their bdays and Christmas’s. Been doing this ever since 4th grade.

• Though I don’t have much actual experience with relationships🧍🏻‍♀️

• I’m a huge believer in ‘family isn’t blood, it’s who you make it’ because I have a pretty shitty family life and my childhood has been trash. My friends are my family to me.

• Also if my friends don’t like my romantic partner ✨ GOODBYE ✨. Sorry girlie, bros before hoes 🦨💨

I was going to put more but I’m so so sorry for how LONG AND COMPLICATED THIS IS- idk if this is a autobiography or a matchup at this point 🤦‍♀️ don’t feel pressured to do this and if matchups aren’t open IM SO SO SORRY LMAO uh yeah ilysm 🦎🎂🧃

OMG ASLDFKJHASLKDJH

🥺 i’m so sorry bby but matchups are closed ;-; my 100 follower event was over while ago (i guess i should’ve specified that in the asks i answered LKSAJHFLKJAHDS SORRY IT’S MY BAD) but you sound so cool?? i had a lot of the same hyperfixations interests (heLLO helen keller was badass AF and the roman empire was messed up but still v cool, anne frank was awesome too) i also may or may not have wanted to be a politician when i was younger alskdjfhalkdhj but now i’m just 🧍🏻‍♀️ lost and anyways you’re amazing >.< love u lots and don’t forget to drink water and eat a lil something hehe :p 

[comfortablyconfusedstrider]

Stridercest

This is a script style chat.

Bro [BRO] joined chat.

turntechGodhead [TG] joined chat.

TG: bro

BRO: Hmm.

TG: i got rejected

TG: so hard

TG: maximum strength rejection

BRO: Who’d you ask out again?

TG: not important

BRO: Super important.

BRO: Was it John?

TG: dammnit bro

TG: …

TG: yes

BRO: Man, why’d he reject you?

TG: im not even sure

TG: maybe im not his type, dunno

BRO: Lame.

TG: yea

TG: i know

TG: but i really liked him

TG: more lame for me than anything else

BRO: You want some bro cuddles to cheer you up?

TG: …

TG: yes

TG: can we watch my little pony

BRO: Sure.

TG: -dave leaves his room and walks into the living room, plopping down onto the futon- life sucks

BRO: Shh. *He quickly pulls Dave into a hug, petting his hair.*

TG: -dave leans into it closing his eyes- its sucks more because i really fucking thought i had a chance

BRO: Hey, you never know. He might come around.

TG: whatever, i dont care anymore

BRO: It’s alright to be upset, li'l man.

TG: i think he likes that karkat kid

BRO: Well, fuck those guys, then.

TG: -dave sighs- why cant there just be a guy thats like you, bro? hella cool, straight forward, not into trolls, as far as i know, just fuck

BRO: Not all of us can be perfect.

TG: -dave groans- yea but at least you dont lead people on

TG: not perfect

TG: just

TG: certain shit should be a given, man

TG: right?

BRO: Yeah, I guess so.

BRO: It’ll be alright in the end, promise.

BRO: You’ll find somebody hella cool.

TG: do you think its cus of my rhymes, i spew out some lame shit that comes to mind sometimes to let the flow go, i write better stuff

TG: maybe

TG: im not attractive?

TG: i mean i think im pretty decent

TG: but i dont know

TG: maybe its my ego

TG: i just

BRO: Dave.

TG: why am i not good enough

BRO: Don’t talk like that, alright?

TG: nah maybe its me with the problem

TG: maybe im not funny enough

TG: or interesting enough

TG: i dont watch rom coms

BRO: You can maybe it to death, Dave.

BRO: But honestly? I think John made a mistake.

TG: oh yeah? how?

BRO: What do you mean?

TG: im just some weird kid with freakish eyes that fights with shitty katanas and writes lame raps

TG: thats it

BRO: You write some pretty nice raps.

TG: pft

BRO: And you look great, man.

TG: you just say that cus youre my bro, man

TG: look im sorry for laying all this shit on you

BRO: It’s kinda my job.

TG: but i just, its just got my mind all fucked up

BRO: Well then try not to think about it for a bit.

BRO: Just relax, Dave.

TG: -dave sighs- i dont know if i can

BRO: Look, I’ll put on the tv, we can lay down, and just take a nap or something.

TG: -dave rubs his temples and sighs again- bro

BRO: What?

TG: do you think im self absorbed

BRO: Not really, why?

TG: -dave shrugs-

BRO: Did someone say you are?

TG: -dave looks down and shrugs, biting his lip- yea

BRO: John?

TG: -dave stays silent-

BRO: It was John. *He hugs Dave again, sighing.*

TG: bro do you think im attractive

BRO: Yeah. Didn’t I say that?

TG: a general boyish handsome attractive or sexy?

BRO: Well, I’m your brother, I don’t think I should really say you’re sexy whether I think you are or not.

TG: c'mon, bro to bro

BRO: I guess you’re pretty sexy, yeah.

TG: -dave bites his lip again and stares at bro silently-

BRO: What?

TG: -dave looks away- n-nothing, man.

BRO: C'mon, what’s on your mind?

BRO: Can’t help if you don’t tell me.

TG: nah, im being dumb, ignore it, honestly.

BRO: *He sighs, poking Dave in the stomach.*

TG: hm?

BRO: I’m sure people think you’re attractive, dude. They’d be stupid not to.

TG: thanks bro -dave mutters-

BRO: Is that not what’s wrong?

TG: -dave looks back at bro about to say something, but shuts his mouth-

BRO: *He shrugs and leans back on the couch, lacing his fingers behind his head.* Tell me when you’re ready, I guess.

TG: -dave reaches over and pulls bros shades off-

TG: -dave folds them and puts them on the table, taking off his own as well-

BRO: *He glances back towards Dave, raising an eyebrow.*

TG: -dave stares into bros eyes studying the orange color hes rarely graced with, feeling a bit intimidated-

BRO: What’s up, kid?

TG: alot

BRO: Well, you wanna talk about any of it?

TG: would your opinion of me, change?

BRO: If what?

TG: if i told you what i was thinking

BRO: I doubt it.

TG: bro, i think im attracted to you and its freaking me out

BRO: Attracted as in … sexually?

TG: Yea -dave said seriously, not breaking eye contact-

BRO: *He blinks a few times and smooths his hair back.* Wow, alright.

TG: -daves gaze travels down to bros lips a few times- y-yea

BRO: I don’t, uh … Not sure what I’m supposed to say?

TG: -dave looks down at his feet- me neither, man

TG: but you could start with how you’re feeling, seems fair

BRO: Well. Flattered? And I guess a little concerned.

TG: -dave pulls his legs up to his chest- mhm -dave hangs his arms around his knees and puts his face down-

BRO: *He reaches out and places a hand on his shoulder gently.*

TG: -dave just sits there silently-

BRO: I don’t think any different of you, you know.

TG: even if you did feel the same way, theres no way in hell you would ever even admit it right? which you obviously dont, anyway. why did i even bother, honestly

BRO: C'mon, how about we lay down.

TG: im not tired

BRO: Not the point.

TG: -dave sighs-

BRO: Please?

TG: fuckyou -dave says under his breath and lays down facing bro- good enough?

BRO: *He lays down across the couch and pulls Dave onto his chest, loosely wrapping his arms around him.*

TG: -dave stiffens up- seriously, bro.

BRO: What? I’m not allowed to be affectionate?

TG: …

TG: i dont even know how to respond to you

BRO: *He runs a hand through Dave’s hair and shrugs.* You don’t have to.

TG: -dave relaxes a bit- bro

BRO: Hmm?

TG: can i kiss you -dave mutters-

BRO: … I can’t see how it would hurt.

TG: -dave moves his head from bros chest and stares at bro in shock for a moment, hesitating before carding his fingers through bros hair, leaning in and locking lips with him-

BRO: *He kisses him back gently, but pulls away before Dave can get too into it.*

TG: -dave bites his lip and breathes heavily- again? p-please -dave said needily-

BRO: I-I mean, I just don’t want it to go too far or something.

TG: It’s just kissing, bro -dave said innocently-

BRO: *He chews on his lip a little, looking conflicted.*

TG: -dave licks his lips- please

BRO: You get one.

TG: aw c'mon, ill be a good boy, bro -dave pouts a bit nudging bro-

BRO: *He glances away, rubbing his face.* Fine.

TG: -dave smirks and cups bros chin, leaning back in pressing his lips against bros, nipping his bottom lip-

BRO: *He moves his hand back into Dave’s hair, kissing him back rather hard.*

TG: -dave responds kissing back feverishly, wrapping an arm around bros neck to deepen the kiss-

BRO: *He runs his free hand along his back idly and slides his tongue lightly over his lips.*

TG: -daves hand trails down to bros waist, dave takes bros tongue into his mouth, sucking it and rubbing his tongue along it, digging his nails into bros waist-

BRO: *Sliding his hand into the back of Dave’s shirt, he lightly drags his fingernails across his back.*

TG: -dave arches his back, letting out a low moan into bros mouth, he kisses bro, hard.-

BRO: *He pulls back and covers his slightly flushed face, taking a deep breath.* We should probably stop.

TG: -dave pants lightly staring into bros eyes- i said i would be good, i just, that turned me on

BRO: And that’s why we should probably stop.

TG: look, man, i can suppress, it, it’s fine. i can stop myself ya know. -dave frowns- or do you not trust yourself?

BRO: No comment.

TG: hmph -dave kisses bros cheek- you dont do you.

BRO: I don’t wanna do something we’ll both regret.

TG: that you’ll regret, don’t speak for me, bro. i make my own decisions

BRO: Have you had sex before?

TG: yea

TG: remember my math tutor?

BRO: Sadly.

TG: yep

TG: brad and i

BRO: I guess there’s slightly less for me to worry about, then …

TG: -dave smirks- mhm

BRO: Don’t gimme that look.

TG: -dave bites his lip- dont act like you dont like it

BRO: I ain’t gonna encourage you.

TG: -dave leans in close and whispers into bros ear- encourage what? -dave licks the shell of bros ear nipping down the lobe-

BRO: *He breathes out a little shakily, flicking Dave’s shoulder lightly.* That.

TG: what you gonna turn me into your little attention whore? -dave laughs lightly- fine -dave starts to suck on a patch of skin on bros neck biting down lightly running his hand down bros chest-

BRO: *He hums quietly and tries to ignore him, biting the inside of his lip.* Not turnin’ you into anything.

TG: -dave pulls back with a pop and kisses the forming mark- then dont make me fight for your attention, hn? -dave pauses for a moment and begins to take off his own shirt dropping it onto the floor-

BRO: We’re related, you know.

TG: no shit, related?? news to my ears. damn. -dave sits up next to bro- get up

BRO: *He gives Dave a look.* What the hell for?

TG: -dave rolls his eyes- why the fuck not

BRO: *After a moment, he sits up, shrugging.* This good?

TG: -dave smiles softly and gets ontop of bro’s lap, fidgeting a bit to get comfortable.- yea -dave pulls bros shirt up a bit looking him in the eyes-

BRO: *He rolls his eyes and pushes Dave’s hand away, before pulling his shirt off over his head and tossing it aside.* Happy?

TG: -dave smirks and runs his hand down bros firm chest making a pleased grunt-

TG: -dave laps his tongue up bros chest-

BRO: Does that mean you’re done trying to give me hickeys?

TG: -dave rolls his eyes- i only gave you one

TG: and if you have a problem with it why don’t you just repay the ‘unfavorable’ favor.

BRO: Well obviously you’d like that too much.

TG: …fuck you

BRO: So I’m right.

TG: 'No comment.’

BRO: *He shrugs and leans back against the couch.* I just don’t wanna fuck up.

BRO: I mean I kind of already have.

TG: Fuck up?

TG: How would you fuck up?

BRO: By fucking you, mostly.

TG: what if i want you to fuck me up?

BRO: I’m still a little leery, kid.

TG: would it help if i called you by your real name, dirk?

BRO: Not sure.

BRO: It’s really weird to hear from you.

TG: aight. well maybe you should just, ya know, let go?

TG: relax.

BRO: It’s kind of illegal, Dave.

TG: cus’ ill be sure to go on telling the police my brother and i had sex

BRO: *He sighs and shakes his head.* You’re not gonna give up, are you?

TG: nope

BRO: *Shaking his head, he covers his face again.* Fine.

TG: no more holding back?

BRO: Yeah.

TG: -dave hovers over bros ear- please fuck me -dave bites down lightly on bros ear waiting for a response-

BRO: *He moans quietly and grabs onto Dave’s hips, leaning in to bite harshly on his collarbone.*

TG: f-fuck -dave curses into bros ear-

BRO: *He moves up and crushes their lips together, raking his fingernails along Dave’s hips.*

TG: -dave moans into the kiss snaking his arms around bros neck and bucking his hips against bros-

BRO: *He bites Dave’s lip and pulls away momentarily.* You sure you don’t want me to hold back? I can be rough.

TG: -dave goes half lidded- mutilate me

BRO: *He leans forward again, starting to leave a trail of hickeys down his neck, accompanied by a trail of scratch marks along his side.*

TG: -dave arches his back, rolling his hips against bros, moaning lowly, scratching down bros back-

BRO: *He chuckles quietly and moves a hand to unbutton Dave’s pants, licking up his neck slowly.*

TG: -dave shivers reaching down, undoing bros pants in unison.-

BRO: *He pushes Dave sideways, down onto the couch, hovering over him and sliding a hand into his pants.*

[francofogarty]

Who: @thatbeauadams & @submissivexhart

When: 24th July at Lunch

Where: Beaus Room

Why: Never Have I Ever point event (Spanking someone)

Franco went to Beau's room, a little surprised Beau had asked to do this with him. He knocked and tested the handle, "Can I come in" he shouted, not wanting to intrude.

Beau chuckled as he opened the door. "Why you shouting, man? Of course you can come in," he said, stepping aside for the other sub to come into the room.

Franco moved into the room and smiled, "Didn't wanna intrude in case you had someone over or something" he explained, moving over to the bed and sitting down, "How you doing?"

"Why would I have someone over when I knew you were coming?" he asked with a tilt of his head. "I'm doing good. Marveling in the craziness of this place when these events come through. Is everyone in a hurry to graduate around here?"

Franco shrugged his shoulders, "I dunno dude, didn't really think about it". He lent back against the wall and laughed, "I mean, I'm trying to get a few points but I'm not point hungry. I got years to go yet and I don't think I have a bond with any one that would wanna claim me".

He patted his bed, trying to get Franco to sit next to him. "Yeah, I feel you on that. I don't know about the whole claiming thing. Still pretty terrifying to me - and I mean, people keep saying they would claim me but... there's a dozen other subs just like me so I don't put a lot of faith in that, you know?"

Franco moved to sit next to Beau and smiled, "You got people who wanna claim you, that's pretty fucking awesome dude" he said impressed, "I think, at this point, literally no one has my name on their list".

Beau shrugged a little bit. "It's because I'm an easy slut who likes pain. And I'm pan, so Frankie's into that. Like I said, I'm not putting much stock in it." More like he wouldn't let himself, because he knew things most likely wouldn't work out the way he wanted.

Franco nodded, "I'm a slut into pain too babe remember" he spoke softly, "Anyway, who's gunna go first. We can forget all about claims and shit for a while".

"Yeah but you're not into lady bits," he pointed out with a grin. "Up to you. I don't have any paddles or anything so we might have to stick with hands."

"I tried lady bits once and it freaked me out" he corrected. He nodded, "Yeah, hands is fine and I suppose I'll go first. Don't like hate me if this is shit cause, I ain't ever done anything like this before"

"Fair." Beau laughed and stood to get undressed without shame. "No worries, man. I haven't done it either, so it's cool. We're both usually on the other side."

Franco watched as Beau got undressed and nodded in approval, "So like, you wanna do it over the lap or like bent over the bed?"

"Bent over might be best?" He leaned over, resting his elbows on the bed and wiggling his butt playfully at Franco

Franco sighed and laughed a little, turning to face Beau. He brought his hand up to Beau's ass and rubbed it gently, knowing the drill from the number of times he's had this done to him. Once he was ready he pulled his hand back and brought it down, not too hard but firmly followed by a quick slap to the other cheek.

He didn't feel the same anticipation as he usually did before getting spanked, his back arching a bit under the touch. the first two blows had him squirming and looking over his shoulder. "Go hard, babe, you know I can take it," he murmured, his eyes warm.

Franco watched Beau squirm and heard his words, closing his eyes briefly, "Sure thing babe" he commented and he brought his hand down again, three times, each one harder then the other. He stopped to rub Beau's ass again, "That feeling OK?"

A happy sound caught in his throat when he felt Franco increase the strength behind his slaps, the spots stinging deliciously. "Definitely. Feels good," he encouraged.

Franco found this odd, he'd never done this before and he seemed to be doing it right. He landed another slap, the sound resounding around the room, placing his hand there to rub instantly, "Fuck, that was hard" he spoke.

He arched as the next slap came, humming appreciatively. "Mm.. Feels good. You doing okay?" Beau asked as he looked over his shoulder.

Franco looked at the pinkness that was appearing on Beaus ass and he nodded, "Yeah, it feels weird but it's oddly nice" he said, "How many more do you want babe?"

"If it's feeling weird we can switch. I think you've safely spanked me," he said, straightening up and turning so he could lean in and kiss Franco warmly.

Franco took a deep breath as Beau kissed him and he smiled into it, "Sorry, it's really odd to be in that role you know? It's meant to be us who takes it"

"Yeah, I get it. It's weird for us, but hey, you tried and now you know you're not into it," he said with a little shrug.

Franco nodded, "Sorry bro, I wanted to like show you a good time but fuck, I'm useless at this".

He rubbed Franco's sides lightly. "Don't worry about it, babe. Now get naked so I can try my hand at spanking your fine ass."

Franco smirked and quickly removed his clothes, moving over to the bed and bending himself over it, "I'm the same, don't worry about hurting me alright?"

Beau chuckled, sliding his hand over Franco’s bare ass. “I’m not,” he teased, squeezing one cheek before laying a firm spank on each side.

Franco bit down on his lip as the spanks landed and he nodded, turning his head to Beau, "This is better" he smiled.

He kept a steady rhythm of spanks raining down on Franco’s ass. The sting in his hand kept the awkwardness from sinking in too much. “I bet. Such a whore for it,” he teased.

Franco stopped trying to hide his moans as Beau settled into a rhythm and he felt the heat spread across his ass, "Such a fucking whore for it" he groaned as he squirmed on the bed

Beau couldn’t help but chuckle again, pausing to smooth his hands over the other sub’s pink skin. “Anyone could tell that, seeing you like this,” he said, punctuating the last word with a harder slap.

Franco gasped out at the smack and nodded, "Fuck Beau, such a whore.... Feels too fucking good". He moved on the bed, steadying himself a bit more, "You are good at this"

“Been on the other side a time or two,” he said playfully, squeezing his ass firmly. “You want more?”

"So have I but I ain't never this good" he quipped back a playful teasing smile on his face, "If you wanna give me more? Or you know, you could fuck me?"

He rolled his eyes and traced a finger down the cleft of Franco’s ass to tease his hole. “Always after my cock, aren’t you?”

Franco shrugged his shoulders, "Who wouldn't be after your cock?" he said with a laugh.

“Uh, all the Doms here?” He pointed out, lifting a brow. “Think you’ve earned my cock tonight, babe?”

Franco scoffed, "Dom's want your dick babe and I dunno? Have I earned it?"

[glennjaminhow]

Winter 1993

“What’re you doing over winter break?” Dennis questions, shouldering his expensive as shit backpack because that’s just how Dennis Reynolds rolls. This bag is awesome; that’s why he makes sure it’s visible at all times. It dangles off a form sculpted to perfection by God himself. He only feels slightly self-conscious as douchebags and whores shove past them both. A massive fucking dick accidentally nudges Dennis’ elbow, and Dennis hisses loudly.

“Watch wear you’re goin’, asshole!” Mac shouts. Ever since Dennis broke his arm in three places last week, Mac’s been even more protective of him than usual. “I dunno,” Mac answers, lighting a blunt for the walk home. He stops, cuffing his hands around it so the fierce winter air doesn’t blow it out. Mac takes a puff, head hanging low and staring at the icy ground below.

Mac’s parents don’t really give a shit about him. Dennis knows this. But he’s bored, and he sure as shit doesn’t want to go home right now. Mom and Dad are both there. They got back from Jamaica super fucking early this morning. It was nice not having them home. It was just him, Dee, and whatever maids worked that day. They don’t even know about Dennis crashing his dad’s car into a tree or Dennis’ ridiculous hospital bill or the blue cast encasing his whole arm from fingers and shoulder; he’ll set off security alarms at airports for the rest of his life.

“Well, what’re you doing right now?”

Mac frowns and bites his lower lip. “Um... nothing?”

“Great,” Dennis says. “I’m coming over.

Mac stops him right there. “Why? We’ve never hung out at my place before.”

Dennis shrugs. Mac’s slicked back hair pokes out from under his black beanie. His leather jacket has a new tear right below his left pocket. “Exactly. We always go to my house. You eat my shit and play my games and drink my beer and sleep in my bed, so now I’m gonna do the same thing to you.”

“Whatever, dude. But don’t complain when you see it. Not everyone’s rich as shit like you.”

Dennis rolls his eyes, but he follows Mac regardless. Mac’s house is further from the school than Dennis’, which always leads to super fucking fun walks in the snow, heat, wind, and rain. Usually, Dennis drives him in his own car (which he’s grounded from) or his dad’s car (which he wrecked). Now that Dennis isn’t supposed to drive, and Dee’s threatening to tell Mom and Dad, they walk everywhere they need to go. It isn’t great. In fact, it’s fucking infuriating. But his secret has to stay a secret. Sure, Mom and Dad’ll see his arm, but they don’t need to know about the panic attack or running of the road into a ditch at 60 miles per hour.

They... just don’t need to know.

Mac shrugs off his leather jacket the moment he unlocks the door, hanging it on a hook and toing out of his snowy boots.

“It smells fucking great in here, Mac,” Dennis says while struggling to remove his coat; Mac does it for him. It smells like cinnamon and cloves and fucking Christmas even though there isn’t a tree or any decorations in sight. Huh. Weird.

“Yeah, I guess,” Mac mumbles. “Take off your shoes, bro.”

“I don’t make you do that at my house.”

Mac shrugs. “Tough shit. My house. My rules.”

Dennis does it eventually. He scowls as he kicks them off, not bothering with untying them because he may’ve sort of hurt his ribs in the accident. There’s bruising around his hips and ribcage. It aches, but not as much as watching Mac flea the car with a bloody nose and two black eyes. Not as much as watching Mac almost break down in tears. Mac never cries.

Okay. Stop. Quit thinking about it.

“Jesus, it’s like spotless in here, dude,” Dennis points out, clearing his throat and roaming around the living room like he owns the place. The TV screen has a slight crack in the upper right corner. The walls are coated with thick, messy layers of paint to combat against peeling. “Your mom must be some sorta neat freak.”

“Nope,” Mac replies simply, plopping down on the sofa. Dennis sits until he’s shoulder to shoulder with him. Dennis scratches his neck; this stupid fucking sling itches and hurts his back, and he’s suddenly feeling the three sleepless nights slamming into him all at once. “Den, stop, man. That’s gotta hurt.” Dennis tugs and grumbles and fusses until Mac coaxes his arm free of the horrible contraption. He places a couch pillow between his arm and his stomach for padding.

He doesn’t tell Mac he can do things on his own because it’s nice having Mac take care of him.

“Your dad?” he asks, even though, Jesus Christ, does he already know the answer to that one.

“Can we not talk about my parents? Let’s just, like, play video games or some shit.”

Dennis ignores him. “How can your couch be this fucking clean?” he asks, almost in disbelief, as if his poor friend Mac doesn’t know how to get off his ass and clean a Goddamn couch.

“I like the house to be clean,” Mac says.

“Yeah, me too.”

“But not everyone has maids, Dennis. Some people do all this themselves.”

“Sure, but parents usually play a part in the whole cleanliness routine. What? Your mom still tells you to brush your teeth every morning and night? Daddy reminds you to wash your balls?”

Mac’s cheeks flame red. Dennis almost bites his bottom lip. He’s egging it on on purpose. He doesn’t know why he’s like this, what possesses him to be such a dick, but he can’t take it back once the words escape his lips.

“Shut the fuck up, Dennis, you rich, punkass, piece of shit. My dad’s in jail, okay? He isn’t around anymore. And my mom? My mom works overnight at a gas station just to keep the fucking electricity on. She doesn’t have time to clean and make sure the house isn’t falling apart.”

“Dude, I –”

Mac gets to his feet. He pops his knuckles. “No. I’m tired of this. What kinda fucking friend are you anyway?”

Dennis holds up his one working hand, signaling for Mac to be quiet. Mac frowns and clams up immediately, and Dennis relishes in the power. “I know your dad’s in jail, dipshit. You only mention it a thousand times a day. I know all about your chain-smoking, alcoholic mother too. I was just busting your balls.”

“You don’t know anything about me,” Mac whispers.

Dennis stands up too. “Oh yeah? I don’t know anything about you?”

“You’re always too concerned with yourself.”

“Your full and real name, Mac, is Ronald Herbert McDonald, which, by the way, is still only slightly worse than Mac. Your mom called you Ronnie til you were three; you think that’s when she stopped loving you. You’re allergic to strawberries and swell up like a fucking balloon if you even touch one. You like starfish. You hate The Muppets; they freak you out. Your dad went to jail for the first time when you were five for selling cocaine. You met Charlie in first grade. You met my sister before you met me. You listen to the Red Hot Chili Peppers way too often. You –”

Mac sinks to the clean carpet, resting his back against the couch. Dennis sees the tears swell in his eyes and sees when Mac tries to blink them away.

“I pay attention,” Dennis says. “But I didn’t know you were so... into things being clean. It makes sense, though.”

Mac blinks. “What do you mean?”

Dennis shrugs, settling down on the floor beside Mac. “Your life is shit, dude. You gotta control it somehow. You clean. I smoke. It’s all the same.”

“Can... Can we just not talk about this anymore? You’ve fucked with my head enough for one day?”

Dennis gulps, sucking in a deep breath while nodding. “Sure, dude,” he whispers, and, holy shit, it doesn’t even sound like him. He doesn’t sound like Dennis Reynolds.

“Awesome. Great. Thanks.”

Too far. He went too far. Why does he always have to push buttons like this? It’s fucking revolting. He’s 17, for Christ’s sake. He doesn’t like talking about his parents, about his past, about what happened to him, so why would it be any different for Mac?

They spend the rest of the afternoon at Mac’s house in near silence, watching MTV and lighting up joint after joint while guzzling a case of cheap beer. Dennis sprawls out on the couch, lightheaded and sore, while Mac relaxes in his mom’s threadbare recliner. It’s almost peaceful, but Dennis can feel that tension in the air. He keeps his mouth shut.

“I’m gonna go crash, man,” Mac murmurs at 2:30 AM.

Dennis yawns and nods. He makes no effort to move.

“Sooo can you, like, leave?”

Dennis whines. “It’s really dark out, Mac. I’m tired.”

He hears Mac exhale loudly. “Fine. But you can’t sleep out here. Mom’ll be back around seven.”

Mac guides Dennis to his bedroom. It’s small, but he has a full-sized bed, karate posters on the walls, and an extensive CD collection. There’s a couple of crosses on the walls; Dennis rolls his eyes and sinks into the mattress. There aren’t any sheets, just a comforter. His arm is on fucking fire, pain burrowing deep inside the bone. He closes his eyes and breathes through it.

“Sit up for a sec, Den,” he hears.

It falls on deaf ears until Mac flicks his cheek.

Mac helps him put that stupid fucking sling back on, settling a pillow beneath his elbow. It relieves some of the pressure. Dennis’ eyes are quick to fill with tears.

“I’m sorry, Mac,” he whispers. “About earlier. I’m a fucking dick.”

Mac collapses into bed, clicking the lamp off. Dennis can smell the cinnamon on his breath. Can feel Mac’s bare feet on his shins. Can almost taste the blunt he just smoked. “You are a fucking dick, Den. But you’re my dick.”

Dennis chuckles softly. “I bet I’m an 12 out of 10 down there then.”

“Gross. You’re nasty, man.”

It’s quiet for a few moments. Dennis rolls over until he’s on his left side, not exactly being careful of his barely mended together arm and not exactly caring either. He scoots until their foreheads touch.

“Is this okay?” Dennis asks, voice punctuating this cold December night.

He’s flush against Mac; Mac nods in the darkness.

Maybe Dennis presses his lips against Mac’s.

Maybe Mac doesn’t pull away.

Maybe, just maybe, they hardcore make out until the sun rises.

There’s a spark of electricity, of pure, raw, unaltered energy that Dennis feels for the first time in his life. Fuck, Mac is a great kisser. Like the dude has some killer moves. Dennis cards his fingers through Mac’s gelled hair. Mac bites Dennis’ bottom lip. He doesn’t... He isn’t... Dennis isn’t sure how this is fucking possible. He’s happy? He thinks. He’s still weird with emotions and can’t really feel them, but he thinks he’s feeling them right now?

Dennis tries not to blush when Mac plants several kisses in his hair.

It’s new. It’s amazing. It’s nearly indescribable.

Mac. It’s Mac.

[taeswrrld]

if breena and i met bts pt2

———

‘oh my GOD,’ julia exclaimed, jumping into the car, ‘kim taehyung LITERALLY gave me directions to the BATHROOM BRO,’ she yelled, talking with her hands.

‘shut UP you were SO embarrassing in there,’ breena scolded, plopping down in the drivers seat.

‘i was not, i can tell they are people who appreciate honesty, and thats what i am. HONEST,’ julia rolled her eyes.

‘whatever bro, just dont make a scene at lunch, ill fucking punch you.’

————-

about 15-20 minutes later, breena got a simple text from namjoon:

‘우린 준비되었다. 우리는 큰 검은 메르세데스에있을 것입니다.’ (we’re ready. we’ll be in the black mercedes.)

‘alright bitch, buckle up. its time to go,’ breena said, turning the key in the ignition.

‘goodness im so fucking excited,’ julia clapped her hands, jumping up and down in her seat.

breena spotted the mercedes and followed behind it, blasting various kpop songs on the way.

———

the mercedes pulled into a spot in the front, and breena parked next to them, hopping out of the car.

‘hey hey,’ julia greeted, swinging her mini backpack over her shoulders.

‘hey.’ jimin said coldly.

‘yah! dont be dry! thats so rude!!’ jin scolded, to which jimin just rolled his eyes.

‘yeah what jin said,’ julia said, laughing.

namjoon shook his head for what felt like the millionth time today, ushering everyone inside the restaurant.

they found a table in the back, away from fans so they wouldnt be bothered.

‘here julia,’ hobi said, pulling out a chair for her.

‘oh wow so gentlemanly,’ she praised, thanking him.

‘okay so no ones gonna pull a chair out for me??’ breena asked, partly kidding, partly serious.

‘hoseok is just a kiss-ass, pull your own chair out, youre a big girl.’ jimin stated, chuckling.

‘boy- fuck off,’ breena said, plopping down in a chair.

they all browsed the menu, julia shaking her leg, causing the table to move.

‘bro quit doing that,’ said jimin, glaring at her.

‘oh fuck my bad, i didnt even realize,’ she said, slightly embarrassed, biting the inside of her cheek.

they continued to look through the menu.

the waitress came over and took their order, very obviously hitting on jimin- and of course jimin was flirting back.

eventually, she wrote down all of their orders and left.

‘god jimin, do you have to be such a whore?’ jin complained, glaring daggers at him.

‘hey, if i see a pretty woman i need to flirt, its just how i am,’ he explained, leaning back in his chair.

‘hey dont lean so far ba-!’ namjoon didnt get to finish his sentence.

‘WAH!!’ jimin yelled, toppling over.

it was silent.

and then-

‘BWHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA,’ julia laughed, the sound erupting from her like a volcano shoots out lava.

‘oh my fucking god,’ breena chuckled, lightly tapping julia on the shoulder.

namjoon was holding back his laugh, jungkook and taehyung were struggling to breath, hoseok was slapping the fuck of of his thigh, yoongi giggled quietly to himself, while jin leaned on julia for support as he laughed.

‘HOLY SHIT,’ julia gasped for air, clinging onto jins shoulder, in tears.

‘PLEASE THAT WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY,’ jin yelled, laughing even louder.

‘okay. OKAY SHUT THE FUCK UP HOLT SHIT,’ jimin said, standing up and wiping his pants off, ‘youve had your dumb laugh now shut UP.’

‘you sure are smooth, jimin,’ breena said sarcastically, sipping on her water.

‘yeah yeah, what the fuck ever.’

——-

they were served their food, and julia immediately dug in.

‘do you always eat like that?’ asked yoongi, watching in awe.

‘like what?’ she said, with her mouth full.

‘....nevermind.’

‘hey, you have some food on your face,’ taehyung said, reaching over with a napkin and wiping it off.

julia blushed, ‘thanks man.’

breena scoffed, picking at her food.

‘do you not like it or what?’ namjoon inquired, pointing his fork at her.

‘nah i like it im just... not very hungry? i dont know man’ breena sighed, nibbling at her food.

‘so, how old are you guys?’ asked jimin, looking at the two girls.

‘julias 21, and ill be 21 in march.’ breena answered, swallowing her noodles.

‘wait wait wait, SHES older than YOU?’ hobi gasped.

‘yeah man, hard to believe huh.’

‘WHAT? i act my age, dont even,’ julia whined. jimin laughed at that, and she shot him a venomous glare. he stopped laughing.

jungkook burped loudly, smiling, ‘excuse me!’

‘YAH!!! THAT WAS GROSS,’ jin complained, throwing a crumpled up napkin at him.

taehyung decided this event needed alcohol, asking the waitress to bring them soju.

‘yeah, lets party woop woop,’ julia said, dancing in her seat.

‘it’s literally noon. and we have practice in three hours.’ namjoon said, ‘we cant day drink man.’

‘yeah well... we can just skip practice.’ taehyung said, shrugging his shoulders.

‘i like the way you think,’ said yoongi.

namjoon sighed, resting his head on his hand. breena patted his shoulder.

———

this soju arrived, and within the next 30 mins everyone was tipsy.

‘shooooo, i have a question about penises,’ julia asked, leaning over the table.

‘well, you have seven proud penis owners sitting right here. ask away,’ said jungkook, puffing out his chest.

‘so like, when its hard... like.... what if it gets so hard it falls off...’ julia asked, staring at nothing.

hobi howled with laughter, and taehyung looked scared.

‘i never thought about that,’ tae said, ‘what if it DOES fall off??????’

namjoon rolled his eyes, ‘your dick wont FALL OFF, taehyung. its scientifically impossible. DURRR.’

yoongi laughed, throwing his head back. taehyung relaxed in his seat.

‘yah! what kind of question is that?!!’ jin inquired.

‘i dunno man. just wonderin i guess HAHHAHA,’ julia answered, tossing back another shot.

breena suddenly had a thought, and she shot up from her chair.

‘how the fuck are we gonna get back to hybe?’

‘oh fuck i didnt think about that HAHAHA,’ taehyung said, shrugging.

‘man we cant drive like this,’ said jimin, shaking his head.

‘fuck.’ said namjoon.

—————

LMFAOOO HELP THIS SERIES IS GREAT

[paolox3b]

Other dads and men in South Park react to the news that Tweek & Craig are gay:

Randy Marsh: We already have our first gay kids. So cool!

Gerald Broflovski: That's really no one else's business, if that's the lifestyle they choose.

Stuart McCormick: Well, now we know why Kenny thinks he's a Japanese princess, I guess?

Steven Stotch: I won the bet, you know. Butters isn't gay!

Jack Tennorman: Oops, he's kinda dead...

Eric Cartman: AY!

Kyle: Shut up, Fatass! You're the one who killed him!

Grandpa Marsh: Billy's gay?! What? Who? Oh, dunno that kid.

Thomas Tucker: I like Gay Craig. I love my son.

Steve Black: I find it very progressive, even if Token is a bit unnerved by it.

Roger Donovan: It's not that big a deal.

Ryan Valmer: Apparently, Thomas and Laura Tucker used to make fun of gay people, therefore, Craig turned out gay to punish them.

Richard Tweak: Oh, look, Honey! It's Craaaaaig! Just leave the door open, OK?

Richard Burch: RICHARD!

President Garrison: I know those kids. Hell, I knew that 20 seasons ago!

Caitlyn Jenner: They're both stunning and brave.

Big Gay Al: Well, that's just SUPER! Thanks for asking. Wait, should we teach a class on this?

Mr Slave: So long as they don't turn out to be stupid, spoiled whores!

Terrance and Phillip: Who farted on whom?

Jimbo: They're fags? WHAT?! Wait, I can say “fag” without getting bleeped?

Ned: (buzzing, nudges Jimbo)

Jimbo: Sorry, Ned's battery is dead, and he's a little freaked out.

Officer Barbrady: There's nothing to see here, boys, move along now!

Father Maxi: They're going to hell!

Jesus: I'm not touchin' this one with a 20 foot pole!

Satan: Oh man, am I gonna have to explain this to them, like I explained addiction to Stan Marsh?

PC Principal: What's wrong with bein' gay, Bro? This shit's important, boys!

Mr Mackey: M'Kaaaaay, well boys, you can always come talk to me.

Chef: whoops, he's dead, too. Or rather Darth Chef now.

Old Chef: Children, why you always comin' in here askin' me questions that'll get me in trouble? Let me sing you a little song about boys bein' gay! (If he'd been there.)

Mr Adler: They screw around too much! Oh, wait...that didn't come out right!

Mr Meryl (AV): I thought I suspended that kid, and recommended he be castrated?

Old Man with the Garden (Black Friday Trilogy): Well, at least THEY'RE not in my damn garden!

Whistlin' Willie: I never have to remind them to whistle for their pizza.

Mr Turner: Guess I don't have to worry about them anymore!

Skeeter: We don't take kindly to...oh, wait, we do now. Sorry!

Dr Mephesto: It's probably a genetic defect. I can fix that.

The Super Adventure Club: They're gay? Where's that box of party invitations?!

[messedupessy]

LOOK IT'S YA BOI RED (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

At last some proper art, finally finished this today, the sketch of this have been in my folder for ages xD decided to finally finish it today which have taken like 3-5 something hours but damn am I happy with it!

Also decided to fool around with some filters and adjustments options which made this even better looking <: might post the un filtered etc pic later

And I have some headcanons about my version of Red which you guys can read down below :D

First just want to say that my version of Red isn't the usual version of him, as like it was with SF Papyrus so did I just not like the most common version of him either, as it just didn't make much sense to me to have him all super overly anxious and crying all the time, so decided to make my own interpretation of him <:

He’s the one with the higher LV between him and Edge, he is around LV 18 something while Edge is about 11

He’s very lazy and doesn’t care about fame so he let’s Edge take the spotlight, but he is in fact very infamous and most monsters are in fact scared shitless off him and try their best not to piss him off

Luckily for them so is the only real way of truly pissing him off and to get on his bad side is to mess with Edge, like he is still easily angered and aggressive but unless it’s about his brother so will the one he is pissed at only end up with a very scary threat and warning which will make you piss your pants, badmouthing Edge will end up getting beaten up to an inch of your life with a threat that if you dare to utter something like that again he will make your life hell though only in extreme cases otherwise just some threats, if he finds out someone have plans to hurt Edge or have hurt him somehow, he will make your life hell, he will completely ruin your life before he finally dusts you when you literally begs him to do it etc

Smoke cigars, because he is classy like that, pretty heavy drinker, but not so easily drunk as he can hold his liquor pretty damn well, even when completely shitfaced he is still pretty lucid

Lots of really bad and dark jokes, for example: “what’s clogging the toilet? a dead baby”, but also lots of flirty and down right nasty/naughty/sexual jokes, constantly, also likes puns, most of them turn sexual tho

Edge constantly complains how Red is so damn lazy and how if he just put some effort into it he could pretty much rule the underground, which Red have no interest in whatsoever as it’s too much work and not really his thing, he just want to laze around all day, smoke his cigars, drink his mustard and various alcoholic drinks etc, Edge thinks Red is wasting his potential

Red is pretty chill in his demeanour, like he got this like mob/mafia boss aura around him so when for example when he enters Grillby’s everyone becomes silent and looks at him, most in pure fear and terror at his mere presence, and he tells them all with a grin “whatcha all fuckers looking at?” Everyone hastly looking away with him laughing at their obvious fear and then calmly walking into the bar and sits down at his usual seat, who no one but him ever sits in much to the annoyance of Vio, aka UF Grillby.

He constantly sweats, not due for been anxious or anything he just do, which most monsters would take as him been weak but most know that’s just how he looks

The crack on his head has fucked up the eyelight in his right eye socket; he can’t turn it on anymore though he can still see through it, as when he got the scar it hit one of his Magic Veins which went to that particular eye

Constantly calls Edge boss, as Edge is technically is his boss as he is the captain of the royal guard, but also to kind of mess with his lil bro while also sort of complimenting him at the same time, as Edge really likes to be called boss but also hates it when Red is the one calling him that, as Edge knows that Red is secretly messing with him

Extremely flirty and kind of a whore, often have one night stands but never at his and Edge’s house, as first off Edge would never allow it and second that place is his and Edge’s and no one else is allowed there unless they actually care about the person

He is still sort of an anxious bean deep down; he’s just much better at hiding it, especially anxious and worried with keeping his little brother safe no matter what, also probably have PTSD thanks for all the shitty and horrible things he have done in the name of keeping himself and Edge alive during the years, which also resulted in his infamy, he knows what he have done was right as it kept himself and Edge alive and safe but they still tear on him

Got a case of insomnia and often ends up in sleep paralysis when asleep which freaks him the fuck out, also often have nightmares, can sleep with one eye open

He and Edge often argues, or rather Edge literally picks a fight with Red who most of the time immediately answers in kind, other times he just can’t be bothered and teleports away, but when he stays it usually ends up with the both of them wrestling and trying to beat the living daylights out of one another with their fists, which then results with the both of them on their backs completely exhausted and all beaten up, finally able to talk about what even caused the fight to start with and kind of resolve it, not the healthiest ways but works for them somehow, don’t do this yourselves

Is a tad bit overprotective of his lil bro which Edge hates, he’s a fucking grown up monster

Loves to scare and mess with people

He is really bad at talking about feelings and other mushy things, which is why he and Edge fight instead of talking about stuff, he just hates to be so vulnerable and that he just doesn’t know how to word out his feelings etc, have a habit to avoid those talks like a plague

Very soft spot for kids even though he is a bit afraid he will fuck them up somehow if they hang around him too much

Red is taking no shit from Edge or from anyone

Is an asshole ofc, swears constantly, got some sort of accent, guess it’s some sort of Brooklyn accent of some kind, he speaks like: “ya shut ya fuckin’ mouth shut, bucko” dunno how to explain it, as I have no idea how this kind of shit works

and that's all <: I have actually written all that today! so kind of proud of myself~ and if you guys have any questions about my versions of Red or like anyone else feel free to ask :D