#I don't want to be that person now who says that IVE BEEN SAYING that she needs to do the projects earlier instead of going who knows where

[loquaciousquark]

you have been my #1 favorite fanfic author of all time for like 7-8 years now for your fenhawke and ive always thought "god i would give anything for quark to write solavellan" but i respected that it wasnt your thing. so imagine the pure unbridled euphoria of checking in on your blog this week to see that he finally got to you. i actually screamed. whatever you come up with i know it is going to absolutely change my life and i am so excited <3

i’m so. sad. i'm SO sad. i was so happy for a decade just being mildly annoyed every time he crossed my dash and now i am having feelings and opinions and i don’t WANT THEM and the only way to get rid of them is to write them out of me, this is why i don’t love fenris or astarion at all anymore obviously

and like, I still don’t love Solas! I still think some things he does and some goals he has are really, really stupid! but this character I created to love him really loves him, and I really love her and want her to be happy even though she lives only inside my head, and that means I need to lay down some structure around her romance to get the shape of it, to build something I can make sense of. I may not love him, but I like him much more than I did, and I certainly understand him better than I did the first time around.

And to be honest, there’s a part of me glad I’m coming to it as late as I have. I don’t think I’ve ever read a single Solavellan fic in my life (I actually had to pause here to check the spelling). I have NO idea what tropes are popular with him or what interpretations are the biggest. I have a lot of opinions on how his personality and identity work in a romance with this particular character I’ve created, but because I’ve been so siloed I have no idea if I’m bucking the grain or not, which is fine by me.

Plus, it helps I’m not going to have ten years to build up a lot of personal headcanons and jossable thoughts before playing the new game. I’m not someone who easily ignores canon when it clashes with my imagination for the major things, so I think this will (hopefully) keep me from major disappointments.

It's kinda funny; earlier today I was going back through my DAI tag and reminding myself of all my impressions from the first time I played the game. Some of them I definitely still stand by; others have completely changed. I even said twice that a Lavellan/Solas romance would be my next playthrough, which was true if ten years late.

But it's things like: apparently the first time through I loved Solas and Sera, both of which certainly were not true going into this replay. (I barely even have a memory of Solas and Priory ever being in the party together, though the historical records say I took him to Adamant.) I apparently had a lot of hopes Gideon Emery would be voicing Fenris. I originally thought Priory was going to romance Bull, which is very ?????? after all this time. (I did still, even then, know Here Lies the Abyss completely broke her as a character, and ten years on I never could fix her for good.)

I really did not expect to change my mind on Solas going into this replay, I guess is the point. I replayed because knowing the story of DAI and Solas, I felt it was a story most personalized to elves and specifically a Solas-romancing Lavellan, and that was the worldstate I wanted to take into the new game. I played it out because that's the kind of person I am (I can't just invent characters wholesale in my head) but I really thought it was going to be a perfunctory playthrough as a stepping stone to a different game and a different PC and (presumably) a different romance. I didn't expect to love this character as much as I do, and even if I don't have ten years to write her out the way I did Hawke, I feel like I still owe it to her & her doomed romance to give her a little time in the spotlight. Lucky girl!

[darlingdaisyfarm]

You know I've been meaning to ask.. is everything okay? I mean your pfp is blank. I understand you're uploading, but I also want to make sure you're okay

idk if i have some mental connection with you, anon, because how else i can explain that you sent this ask right when i felt so bad??? but yeah i should really put a pfp, i just can’t choose the right pic and at same time im lazy….

honestly i promised myself i wouldn’t vent online and irl because i don’t wanna be annoying or be the kind of person people get tired of. but i guess i just feel emotional rn sorry again

well 2025 kinda kicked me in the face already LMAO, it already reminded me that some people will always pick someone else and some things are just not meant to be yours. i just got reminded once again that i’m super replaceable to person i really loved and cared about. so now im realising that i was just there to pass the time until they found smth better, someone better. and they did, they did and that’s just unfair for me, i literally loved this person for 10 years and that's how i ended up

not exactly the fresh start i was hoping for lol

been feeling like a ghost in my own life lately so i guess i made this blog to just be somewhere, to talk to people, to share things i love, to feel like i exist in some small way. to find friends? idk. sometimes i wonder if i’m just taking up space here, but deleting this blog feels dramatic so whatever. although i thought bout this a lot and still think about it, but i guess im just being... yeah, dramatic, i mean i am, ive been told. so, i don't know, deleting feels rude ? and i don’t wanna be rude, i hate being rude :( i still hesitate every time i post though. and i don’t want to be that person who craves reassurance but damn, it gets lonely and im embarrassed to even say that rn

+ last year drained me so much that i couldn’t even start anything for a whole month. its about my work, i just felt stuck, exhausted before i even tried. things are getting better now with my work, though. it’s actually tied to people and honestly, i love that?? i mean, i love people very much. in general. so whenever i meet someone kind or understanding in my work, it lifts my mood

but when it comes to writing or fics, i feel like i’m always fighting myself. actually i enjoy writing, ive been writing since… 14? 13? so i try, i push through, but nothing ever feels right lately. i don’t know if it’s just a phase or if this is how it’s always going to be. why i always feel like i could’ve done better or that maybe i shouldn’t have posted at all

anyways….. i don’t usually post stuff like this. i really don’t want to be like this, i hate sounding so negative, i really do. i promised myself i wouldn’t. i usually just keep things to myself, but you seemed like you genuinely cared, sweetheart and i figured i might as well be honest, i appreciate your worry! thank u sm angel! ♡

[girlivealwaysbean]

it's not sinking in that today might be the last day in my house and town for many months to come

[ookaookaooka]

ive been worrying a lot lately (mostly pointlessly) about how can i believe anything anyone says is accurate if there's no such thing as an objective view of the world (like... in theory the world exists objectively, but every time we see and describe it we're only describing our interpretation of it no matter how objective we try to be, and sometimes our perspective can be really flawed without us realizing, like when i was 5 and everyone said my bike was tiny but i literally couldn't see the difference in size between my bike and theirs until i was older and had a bigger bike)

and the thing that gave me the most comfort weirdly was that beauty is something that is always 100% subjective. so if i think something is beautiful, it really is 100% for sure beautiful because i think it is. and for someone else that thing could be ugly or meaningless but that's okay because beauty is subjective.

[godtears]

I really hate that ever since I got the fucked up news about my eyes I've just been feeling like everyone in my life fucking hates me and doesn't want to be around me. So I'm starting to get a little quieter around other people. I guess they got what they wanted, I finally figured out how to shut the fuck up.

[arsenicflame]

i do think being unconditionally loved is an experience that can be so so healing actually. it cant ever fix anything alone but to feel loved and valued and considered is something that makes carrying burdens just that little bit easier. to trust that youre someone they think about when youre not around, because they tell you. to feel like youre someone important to them because they tell you. to feel safe in knowing youre not being too intense, too annoying, too much, because everything you offer is offered right back without a seconds hesitation. this isnt something i ever thought id get to have, but i found it when i wasnt even looking. and no, it still isnt easy. it doesn't change most things. but it gives you a reason to try.

[feyriejane]

it turns out that I'm not this horrible manipulative person who's angry all the time ive just been told that my entire life whenever I didn't give someone what they wanted.

[note-boom]

Thinking about all the women I ship dazai with while You shake and shit and cry. ❤️❤️

I'm -

Anon, please, I love you.

But also, wrong blog. Do you not understand how annoyingly I've tag spammed other posts "i dont do ships buuuut..."?

Wait wait wait wait....i just realised after typing in my tags but - but WHAT women?? There's only like....4 viable women to ship Dazai with in this manga....what women??

[bxdtime-ceai]

i consistently ask myself why am i still here? i came to korea two years ago because it was the most straightforward way to escape the community that hurts me. there have been many positives, like amazing healthcare, great food, friendly people, sights to see that are conveniently located close to me, etc.

but despite them all, there have also been many negatives, namely the unwillingness to take me seriously, the abhorrent working conditions (different by industry but being a teacher anywhere is not fun), the loneliness of having all your friends move away after a year, the difficulty of making long-term korean friends, the occasional drunk men swearing and calling me a crazy bitch in a public place, the casual xenophobia inherent in korean nationalism, the coworkers who tell me "he's not korean!!!" and "that happened to you in korea??" when i tell them about my shitty boss at the shittier job that i left, that shitty boss who refused to let me leave the workplace unless i signed a document giving up my vacation days, the shitty employers who peek into our health documents which are only supposed to go to immigration, the fact that we even have to take a medical test and be 'all-clear' to even be eligible for a visa, the overwhelming amount of discretion given to doctors when they assess the data we give them, the overwhelming amount of discretion given to immigration authorities who can blacklist you for being fired from your job, the fucking lack of work-life balance

why am i still here? why have i not left? truly i don't have anywhere else to go but it's not like i'm living in paradise. i'll never make enough here to afford my own place, i'll always be relying on my employer to provide me an apartment. and having your housing tied to your work is so stressful and a perfect way to keep you from complaining about other things like vacation days, overtime pay and sick leave. i dont even get the 1 hour break per day that i'm legally entitled to

why am i still here!!!!!!!! i wanted to go back to school. i wanted to study immigration and refugee law. my time here has made it clear that i should actually be studying labour law, so that's what i want to do. but do i even want to do it anymore? i've barely made enough to pay off 2/3 of my (not even very big) student loans and then i'll be broke again, how will i even save up to go back to school? take more student loans and then have enough debt to disqualify me from renewing my visa in the future? what's the fucking point.

i don't know why i've stayed here or why i haven't left, but i know it's not because i'm happy

[aquapolis]

this adhd med isn’t nearly strong enough if i’ve got it in me to write an intense breakdown on why pearl should be the protagonist of the next ace attorney game that’s never coming

[mrfoox]

Uh. Like month... 4... Without an big breakdown and im 😳 what.... Wha

[falling-hand-in-unlovable-hand]

can't wait to get home so i can fucking EAT

[girlivealwaysbean]

jealousy is such an ugly emotion but oh my god am i filled with it

[drysauce]

another evening another instance of me helping other people instead of doing stuff i have to do for tomorrow hhhh

[alchemiclee]

I hate when people who have never put any effort into drawing or art tell me i'm gifted/talented at it. they often say things like "I wish I could draw/I can't even draw a straight line/I always wanted to but was never good at it"

nearly 30 years of practice and hard work with nothing to show for it is not being gifted or talented! i've always felt this way no matter what age I was

I especially think this when I see artists younger than me who have more success. they're more likely "talented" or i'd be as good and successful as them, right? be better at art than I am now with less practice and work? if I was so "talented" i'd be way better at art by now and have some kind of success, right? be able to quickly and effortlessly produce beautiful work?

I feel like art is an absolute struggle every time I do it. it doesn't come "naturally" or effortlessly. it takes me forever to finish even a simple sketch. I struggle the entire time. it's so hard. someone "talented" probably wouldn't feel this way and say art is easy. the difference between me and being "talented" is I work hard and still struggle.

[readymades2002]

god in heaven today was not good.