#I don't want to be that person now who says that IVE BEEN SAYING that she needs to do the projects earlier instead of going who knows where
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ookaookaooka · 5 months ago
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ive been worrying a lot lately (mostly pointlessly) about how can i believe anything anyone says is accurate if there's no such thing as an objective view of the world (like... in theory the world exists objectively, but every time we see and describe it we're only describing our interpretation of it no matter how objective we try to be, and sometimes our perspective can be really flawed without us realizing, like when i was 5 and everyone said my bike was tiny but i literally couldn't see the difference in size between my bike and theirs until i was older and had a bigger bike)
and the thing that gave me the most comfort weirdly was that beauty is something that is always 100% subjective. so if i think something is beautiful, it really is 100% for sure beautiful because i think it is. and for someone else that thing could be ugly or meaningless but that's okay because beauty is subjective.
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godtears · 9 months ago
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I really hate that ever since I got the fucked up news about my eyes I've just been feeling like everyone in my life fucking hates me and doesn't want to be around me. So I'm starting to get a little quieter around other people. I guess they got what they wanted, I finally figured out how to shut the fuck up.
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arsenicflame · 1 year ago
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i do think being unconditionally loved is an experience that can be so so healing actually. it cant ever fix anything alone but to feel loved and valued and considered is something that makes carrying burdens just that little bit easier. to trust that youre someone they think about when youre not around, because they tell you. to feel like youre someone important to them because they tell you. to feel safe in knowing youre not being too intense, too annoying, too much, because everything you offer is offered right back without a seconds hesitation. this isnt something i ever thought id get to have, but i found it when i wasnt even looking. and no, it still isnt easy. it doesn't change most things. but it gives you a reason to try.
#not to get sappy or anything#nyxtalks#feelings warning ahead#i don't know i guess im all up in my feelings but. just knowing someone thinks about me when im not around has been kinda life changing#it seems so silly. to put so much weight on just 'hey youre not here but i wanted to tell you this'#but i genuinely mean it when i say that i didnt think id ever have it. that i thought it was asking too much to expect people to remember#i exist when im not actively forcing my presence on them. but she makes it feel like the easiest thing in the world to do#and it makes me want to believe that i deserve that because shes one of the most wonderful people ive ever had the pleasure of knowing#and if /she/ can see that in /me/ then who am i to tell her shes wrong?#i do still worry about so much. i do still think horrible things about myself. those things dont just go away#just because of a little consideration. but i want to see the person she sees. i want to be worthy of the love she shows me#i wish i could tell the person sobbing on their bathroom floor in January about how she doesnt stop. how she manages to be everything#you could possibly want without ever even asking.#i dont want to misrepresent how hard it still is. its not changed. but i think i value myself just a fraction more now#talking to her has also helped my understand myself a lot. introspect on so many things#maybe its not the healthiest take to want to be doing better for somebody elses sake but.#is wanting to do her proud really so bad?
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aquapolis · 2 years ago
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this adhd med isn’t nearly strong enough if i’ve got it in me to write an intense breakdown on why pearl should be the protagonist of the next ace attorney game that’s never coming
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rxc · 2 months ago
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vent cw and self harm mention in the tags
i hate this goddmn hellpit of a world and i particularly hate men. like jesus fucking christ they ALL REALLY think they are just. better than me.
#even when. or actually particularly when they don't understand why im doing something#i want to rip my hair out and set things on fire and .#i feel really really fuckinh stressed im under enormous pressure and i have very little support on a personal level.#its this inescapable fucking thing.#this volunteer work im doing. im disabled and im working for free and everyone is telling me how i fucked up by trying to make sure#that we werent doing illegal shit.#as a registered entity.#like. fuck all of these people genuinely.#its making me doubt myself somewhat but also like#i spoke up about these concerns and none of them had a serious answer for me that would actually be reliable long term.#and its a long term project.#and then they bailed on it on top of that#i hate these people. i really really hate them.#deeply hypocritical confused unserious attitudes. deeply unhelpful and completely unaware of it. they make me sick.#i mean they are making me sick in real life i am suffering because of the lack of support and the bullshit they keep repeating to me#and how they portrayed this volunteer work when they were leaving their positions#so now others are less likely to take the positions because they talked shit about it#and i don't want to aggravate myself by getting into arguments with them but god i hope that one day they fucking understand.#how thoughtless and careless they'd been.#im having such a bad time and im fighting so hard. i don't know how im going to get through this.#my personal life is falling apart i don't have the energy to clean my home or take care of myself#ive noticed self harming inclinations popping up lately.#like this is really not good.#but if i don't pull through then they'll all blame me forever and i cant handle having to move away.#this is my home.#i already have a hard time going outside i don't want to be known as the person who fucked up the [community project that was forced on us]#fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. i need this to be over with. please i need this to be over sooner than i expect. i need this to end favorably#not just for my sake but because its a genuinely important project. i believe in it and its important to me personally too#i cant explain that without saying more than im comfortable with but yeah#god like i finally want to live and now im having to go through this? why? am i bad? or the world is bad.
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thebluebygracieabrams · 11 months ago
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jealousy is such an ugly emotion but oh my god am i filled with it
#should never open insta always stupid people saying stupid things#there was this girl in a reel she was like are you really bestfriends if you don't get jealous when they hangout with someone else#ans outside you're wishing them ooh have fun and inside you're like woah traitor how dare you hangout with anyone other than me#and i was like. wait. that's crazy. i don't feel that with my bestie. BUT I DO#recently she blew me off like thrice to hang out with her cousin because they started bonding new new and now ive been avoiding her...#i shouldn't it is wrong but when she asked to hang i wanted to say mujhse kyu puch rahi hai ja na uske saath karle hang#like helloooo she used to say im her favorite her number 1 friend and now what im supposed to share that title?? no fucking way#but you see the thing is she broke up with her now ex few months ago because he was clingy and crazy jealous#soooo i don't want to be like that too so im just avoiding her. which is. actually kinda stupid because she might think i don't care about#her and leave anyway😭😭#why am i such a jealous person??? insecurity?? i was thinking if im jealous in all relationships and i was like oh fuck#i get internally sooo mad at my sister when she picks mom over me😭#like even now she sent me text asking what i want for rakhi and here i was being upset that she didn't tell me first about moving abroad#help i feel so guilty but i can't stop this feeling 🧍god knows ive tried 💀#i think. i just want. just like one person who puts me first you know just one person who wants to tell me something first#mann my parents have given me a real fucking variety of issues to work with haven't they 😤🙄#FUCK BEING THE MIDDLE CHILD
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drysauce · 11 months ago
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another evening another instance of me helping other people instead of doing stuff i have to do for tomorrow hhhh
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alchemiclee · 1 year ago
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I hate when people who have never put any effort into drawing or art tell me i'm gifted/talented at it. they often say things like "I wish I could draw/I can't even draw a straight line/I always wanted to but was never good at it"
nearly 30 years of practice and hard work with nothing to show for it is not being gifted or talented! i've always felt this way no matter what age I was
I especially think this when I see artists younger than me who have more success. they're more likely "talented" or i'd be as good and successful as them, right? be better at art than I am now with less practice and work? if I was so "talented" i'd be way better at art by now and have some kind of success, right? be able to quickly and effortlessly produce beautiful work?
I feel like art is an absolute struggle every time I do it. it doesn't come "naturally" or effortlessly. it takes me forever to finish even a simple sketch. I struggle the entire time. it's so hard. someone "talented" probably wouldn't feel this way and say art is easy. the difference between me and being "talented" is I work hard and still struggle.
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midnite-c6 · 4 months ago
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ive been thinking of a scenario where namgyu’sgf!reader has been secretly hooking up with thanos as pay back for namgyu being a shitty boyfriend.. makes me die😩
meow so hot bruh thanos is so sexy it makes me so sad 😿 NEED THAT! pt. 2 | pt. 3
thanos(choi su-bong) x nam-gyu'sgf!reader imagine!! <33
warnings: 18+, cheating
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you, nam-gyu, and su-bong were truly a powerful trio, you guys were all tight-woven friends being stringed together of partying and drugs before you decided to start dating nam-gyu, nothing changed much, but it was weird to know what was once your homie is now someone you fuck on the daily.
sadly, now nam-gyu just sucks, as a boyfriend, and as a person in general. he doesn't even take the time of his day to touch or even kiss you! ignoring all your texts with an "i'm busy." was stupid! he was stupid! what was he doing in the club anyway?? was he banging another chick?? why shouldn't you do the same?
you'd go visit his club in search of your boyfriend, only running into su-bong, or thanos as he's known for. "señorita?" oh that nick-name you were so familiar of. you'd think su-bong would still be out of the country, since he's gotten that big rap battle overseas, or because he's trying to escape his debt but you're still pleased to see run into him. "su-bong!, damn it, have you seen nam-gyu?" he pouted dramatically "i haven't seen you in weeks and ya' immediately talk about your boyfriend? whore." the last word was mumbled under his breath. you roll your eyes, you were used to giving and getting mean nicknames anyway, "fuck you, i heard that! but.. c'mon, have you??" "of course not, i just got here, angel, why are you looking for him?" you sigh. "because he's my boyfriend. what else?" thanos just remained looking at you, as if telling you to spill more. ".. and i think he's fucking another girl." he gasps, as a sarcastic reaction, "whaaat? no way, who would've thought." you furrow your brows. "what?! you know about this??" he shakes his head, chuckling to himself "nah. but he's a man, and the same pussy gets old after some time." he said, like it was a matter-of-fact thing that you should know.
"oh that jerk, i'm gonna fucking kill hi-" thanos pulls you back to him. "don't blame the guy, it's just normal boy stuff, you get it, right?" you scoff, "no. plus, my pussy doesn't just ... "get old!" " he tilts his head, "ehhhh. you've been dating for like what, 1 year? even i'll get pretty tired of it." you groaned. "i didn't ask you, su-bong. i know he's... he's better than that." he places a hand on the back of your neck, lightly petting you. "mmmm, if you think about it, if he's fucking another girl, how does it make you feel, babe?" you don't think, you respond immediately. "angry! that's what." "...and?" "it makes me want to ..i dunno. do something."
"guess you're in luck that i came here then."
"huh?" and before you know it, you're being dragged to one of the VIP rooms..
nsfw below!!->
"fuck.. man, all that days of fucking and god, he hasn't even stretched this cunt." he says as he guides your hips in a speedened pace, being kind enough to push his hips up to the rhythm of yours, he'd moan out from how you were clenching him. "p-please.."
"you're so tight, shit." in these moments, you'd forget about your shitty boyfriend, how you're cheating on nam-gyu inside his very own club. thanos pulls out before the two of you could ever release, making you go on your knees as he lines up his dick right inside your mouth. you could see him grabbing his phone and facing it above you, a red light near the camera. the video captured your muffled, disgusting moans against his dick, you seemed challenged, it seemed like you were trying to prove you were still good at it. it could also capture su-bong's praises, ones you could barely hear.
"you're doing so goood.."
"how could anyone ever get tired of this cunt?."
"you should look at yourself right now, baby."
and after all that, he'd place you on his lap, it wasn't much of an aftercare, but it was good enough.
"you enjoyed it? yeah?" you nod. "i just .. hope he doesn't find out..hmph.." "yeah, yeah, he's my best friend, can't let that happen." you smiled from the assurance, resting your head on su-bong's shoulders. you were too fucked out to hear how he was tapping the send button on his phone, sending his good ol' homie the video of you sucking his cock, typing away to send the text 'got your fine shyt sucking me off bro, what happened?', they're both jerks, guess the both of them really can't care less about you and your feelings huhu :<
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also dat pussy is power 🙏🏻 this is so mean to namgyu but at rhe same time the prompt is so hot. hehe.
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pineconepie · 1 month ago
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This was an ask I got a while back, but either I can't find it or accidentally deleted it. But to the anon who asked for a scenario like this, here you go! :D
TW: Amnesia, parental/platonic yandere, forced infantilization, drugging, implied kidnapping, manipulation
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"Help! Please help!" you cry, running as fast as you can throughout the dense forest. Branches and sharp brambles scrape your cheeks and catch onto your clothes.
You stop for a brief moment to pick the twigs out of your disheveled hair. The small cuts sting horribly but it doesn't deter you from pushing onwards.
Sweat beads down your forehead and you wipe at it furiously. Your chest is heaving, desperately trying to take in more oxygen.
"(Y/n)! Stop!" His booming voice echoes throughout the forest.
He's getting closer to you. You have to keep running, keep moving, keep—
Something hits you, something cold and metal. You barely have enough consciousness to realize it was a car, on the dirt road path. Your vision swims, and your head feels ready to burst.
Your ears ring incessantly. All you can hear is that horrible noise, but it doesn't completely drown out him calling for you.
And suddenly there are strong arms around you. "Oh! My baby! What have you done?!" Someone picks you up. They yell to someone else, but their voice is fading out.
Your vision fades to nothing.
...
When you wake up, there's the sound of something beeping. It's a comforting constant rhythm, steady and predictable. You think you know what it is, but your head feels all muddled and foggy.
Something cool and soft presses against your forehead, and you lean into the soothing touch.
"That's right, honey. Nice and easy," a voice speaks above you. Its light, with a subtle hint of an accent you can't recognize. A thumb gently rubs at your temple, massaging it with care and ease. "That must've been a pretty bad fall you took. Don't worry, I've got you."
You open your eyes. Hovering above you, is a man with long messy brown hair, light brown eyes, and a slight stubble of facial hair. He looks to be in his early to mid forties or so.
There's something familiar about him. You should know who this person is... but your brain cannot come up with a name.
"There they are!" the man coos. The corner of his eyes crinkle. He has crow's feet around them. You think those mean someone smiles often. You stare blankly back at him, mind still groggy from what happened earlier. He hums a melody, and gently brushes his fingertips along your arm.
"What..."
"Hush now, don't talk just yet," he murmurs. His other hand is behind your head, propping you up in its palm. "Had quite a nasty fall there. Scared me half to death!"
"Where am I?" You blink, still slightly disoriented.
"Shhh..." He kisses your bandaged forehead. "You're here in the hospital, sweetie. Just got done doing x-rays on your head." The room around you is stark white. There are various machines around you and one is beeping at a constant rhythm. It smells of chemicals and medicine. "I know you hate being scolded, but (Y/n), you know better than to play in the forest so late at night..." He scrubs a hand over his face tiredly.
You squint at him, trying to jog your memory as to who this guy even is. Is he perhaps someone important? Someone you're supposed to know?
As hard as you try, no answers come to mind. And now that you're thinking about it, you really can't remember much at all besides your name and general sense of self.
"I'm sorry, who are you?" you awkwardly ask.
The man freezes. His eyebrows raise up in surprise before furrowing with concern. "Wh—(Y/n), sweetie," he looks at you. "Can you tell me who I am?" You shake your head. He stares at you for a moment, like frozen. Only when you awkwardly look down, does he do too. "The doctors mentioned possible memory loss, but..." He looks so torn; eyebrows twisted up sadly. You almost want to reach out and hug him.
The only thing that stops you is the IV, and the fact you don't know him, despite what he says.
"What's the last thing you remember, baby?" he asks again.
You wrack your brain. "I don't know. I know my name... and that's about it."
A flash of pain shoots through his gaze, though he seems to keep himself collected. "Okay. So, sweetie... I'm your dad." He reaches out to clasp your hands. "My name is Hugo Harrison. You're (Y/n) Harrison."
"You... don't look very much like me..." You realize that might be a rude thing to say. "Sorry, I didn't mean that in a mean way."
Hugo chuckles. "It's okay, there's not a mean bone in your body, kiddo." He pauses, like contemplating his next words extra carefully. "I'm your adoptive dad. Now, we could go into a lot more detail, but let's not strain that noggin of yours for today, hm?" He tenderly touches your wrapped forehead. You must have injured it severely, which explains the splitting headache and memory loss.
"Oh, that makes sense," you murmur. You take in his appearance more. He has a tattoo peaking from below his collar shirt, and looks a bit rugged, with muscular arms that have a few scars. He even has an eyebrow piercing on his left.
Despite that, he seems so... sweet.
"Do you have any photos of us?" you ask. Part of it is genuine curiosity, but mostly just because you don't know what else to say.
His eyes soften, and he pulls out his phone to immediately show you his lock screen.
Sure enough, there the two of you are, smiling at the camera. It doesn't look like it was too long ago. You're both indoors, wearing some kind of brown and periwinkle uniforms.
Noticing your confused expression, he explains, "I own a cafe, sometimes you help out. That's where this photo is from. One of my favorites."
He scrolls through his camera roll and shows another picture of the both of you. In this one, you're sleeping on his lap, his hand covering the side of your face in an apparent attempt to block you from seeing the flash.
You nod mutely, trying to soak it all in. All you know of this man is from these two images.
So far, there's nothing overtly suspicious. Nothing that triggers alarm bells or raises red flags. At this point, you have no reason not to believe him.
So why do you feel so unsettled?
"How are you feeling, by the way?"
"Not good," you mumble, bringing a hand up to your head, cringing from the pain.
He presses a kiss to your hair, holding it for several seconds before pulling away. "Oh, sweetheart..." His voice wavers with emotion. "I'll talk to the doctors again. For now, you rest up, okay?"
With such a splitting headache and sore body, you have no trouble obeying his commands. Your eyes flutter shut, and the last thing you hear is a sigh coming from him, as well as something about wanting to take you home.
...
"Easy," Hugo soothes, letting you lean on him heavily as he walks you to his house. Everything hurts from your body to your head. The medication from earlier wore off halfway to his home.
Speaking of his house, it looks pretty much like a standard home, if not kind of cute, almost reminiscent of a cottage. It's beige with dark brown trimmings. Ivy climbs around the windows.
Flower beds line along the pathway to the front door and a vegetable garden sits near the shed in the back. There's wind chimes hanging near the entrance.
"I wish I could remember any of this," you mutter as he situates you on the couch. "Sorry."
"No, no," he reassures, rubbing your upper arm. "Don't apologize, okay? It's not your fault that this happened."
"What was I doing out in the forest, anyway? You mentioned something about that... is that something I typically do?" you ask.
Hugo looks confused for a moment, then nods. "Ah. Well, it was something you'd usually do, but hopefully that will be the last time. Sometimes you get... impulsive. You do things that are reckless. That's why I'm so protective of you. This isn't the first time you got injured like that." He shakes his head and laughs. "Stubborn kid you are..."
"I see." What else can you say, really? You wish your brain would hurry up and recall something. Right now it just feels blank. All you have to go off of is Hugo. "I know I can't remember, but I'm still sorry. For what I did. Or, uh, do."
His gaze softens even more, looking like the definition of fond. "Like I said, sweetie, you don't need to worry about a thing. It's all in the past now. What matters is that you're here now, safe with me. How about I take you up to your room? You can get a nap in while I make dinner. Sound nice?" He brushes his thumb over your temple.
You wordlessly lean against him. He chuckles and helps you back up, mindful of your injuries, and leads you upstairs.
Again, it looks like a completely normal household. Nothing stands out to you besides perhaps the large number of photographs littering the walls.
Your bedroom has pastel blue wallpaper with stars decorating the top half of the wall.
There's a bunch of stuffed animals lining the bed, as well as pillows with galaxy themed pillows. The carpet is plush and your feet sink slightly in them.
"This was... mine?"
"Yes!" He seems less happy about it when he sees your expression. "Do you not like it? You decorated it yourself..."
"Isn't it kind of, uh, childish? Nothing wrong with that, of course, just doesn't seem like something someone older would want," you lamely explain.
Hugo takes another moment to mull over his words. "Well... you've always been a bit childish for your age, sweetie. I think it's adorable, and you seemed content with this room before... but if you really want to change it up, I don't mind at all." His strained smile tells you that he does, in fact, mind it.
"That's okay. I think I do like it, now that I've seen it longer," you reassure him. Part of it might be because you feel bad. You hobble over to the bed with his assistance, and watch him choose a cutesy beige pajama set. The sleeves are longer than your arms and the pants are covered in sheep patterns. "Do I normally wear that to bed?"
"More like just your typical lounge wear," he answers. "Do you need help, or can I leave you to it?"
"Um, you can leave me to it." You watch him open the door to leave. "Oh, by the way... what do I call you? By your name? Dad? Papa?"
A large smile stretches across his lips. "You call me 'Papa', but really anything works with me. Just want you to feel comfortable, bud. Oh, and dinner'll be ready soon. Tomato, chicken noodle, or cream of mushroom?"
You look down at your lap, where your pajamas lay. "What ever I liked most, I guess."
He hums in affirmation. "Sounds good."
Before long, you've changed and situate yourself on your bed, the stuffed toys huddled around you like a cocoon. Though everything seems fine and cozy, it all feels too new, too strange, for it to feel exactly right. It's supposed to be yours, you know this. And yet, it feels so... foreign.
This should make sense. Logically, it does. But your intuition keeps whispering doubts, despite Hugo giving you nothing but warmth.
...
Two weeks pass, and go by pretty uneventfully. He cares for you like you are a toddler, but he assures you this is how he used to act around you.
Still, your memory seems stubborn in recovering, and each night you pray for the morning to finally reveal a clue as to your past.
So far, nothing has shown up.
And being confined within the house doesn't help, either. Hugo refuses to let you go outside unsupervised, claiming how he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if you wound up in danger again.
And really, who are you to refuse him? You don't have any memories, any other friends (he's told you they've moved away years ago), and you have no money to sustain yourself. He's all you have.
"Where are you going?" you ask one morning, to see him slinging on a jacket. His hair is also tied up, which you've gathered he only does when he's going out somewhere.
"The cafe," he replies, though you can tell something is off by the way he smiles. "There's leftovers in the fridge if you get hungry, okay? Stay inside, and I mean it."
"Can't I go with?" you suggest. Maybe seeing the place could bring back some recollections. Plus, sitting alone all day isn't fun at all, especially when there's nothing to distract you with besides watching TV or reading. Neither of those interests you that much, not to mention a majority of the books and shows catered to people less than half your age.
"Not with those injuries," he chuckles, but there's some firmness in his tone.
"I feel fine! My ankle isn't sprained anymore, and my ribs hardly bother me," you counter. Your face isn't bandaged anymore, either. Instead, only faint scars remain.
"Honey, the answer is no."
"I just want to leave the house!" you blurt. His eyebrows raise up at your outburst. "It's boring staying cooped up all day! I don't want to watch cartoons again or read a comic book or play with action figures."
He purses his lips. "But you love doing those things..."
"Yeah, sure. I don't doubt that I like those activities. But maybe sometimes I'd like to do something more, I dunno, mature." It's not that you hate the stuff Hugo's given you, but you aren't mentally ten years old or whatever age he's assuming you are. So reading picture books and playing with kiddie games get dull real fast. "Please? I don't have to do any physical labor, just wanna get outside the house..."
"(Y/n)..."
Maybe it's a tad bit manipulative, but you've found it works pretty well on him. "I just wanna spend time with my papa... if I can't remember old memories, I was hoping we'd have more time to bond..."
Hugo looks torn for a split second, before giving you a gentle grin, reaching out to pinch your cheeks. "Allllriiight," he drawls. "Wear something warm. It's chilly out."
"Why not my uniform?"
"Because I don't want you working, silly."
The drive there is an hour long, and has you wondering how on earth he makes these long treks there and back five times a week.
By the end, you're yawning and leaning against the window. He laughs, shaking you awake, helping you walk inside the cafe.
In the break room, he situates you on the couch. "I'll get you something to snack on soon. Banana bread, blueberry muffin, brownie, or chocolate chip cookie?"
You weakly smile. "What ever was my favorite?"
He snorts. "Gotcha. I'll be back soon. Don't leave this room, 'kay?" He doesn't wait for a response, quickly busying off towards the counter, throwing his apron back on.
When he's out of view, you try to relax, but as time passes on, you get bored with the things he's given you.
A coloring book, a children's storybook, and crayons litter around you. Sure, they're fun for a little while, but then you're back to square one.
You briefly contemplate if this is the reason why you kept running off to the forest often.
If he's been anything like this normally, you can imagine why you've been searching for more fun things to do.
You peak your head from the break room, to see him tending to another customer, making conversation.
"Oh, (Y/n), that you?"
You look to see one of the customers. He's a person about your age, smiling at you like you guys are friends. When you return the look awkwardly, it morphs into confusion.
"Hey, you alright?" he asks, walking closer to you. "Don't tell me you're working. Hugo told me you had a nasty fall, dude."
"Oh, I'm just here while he works," you shrug. "My memory is a bit weird, still. Who are you...?"
He blinks. "Oh. I'm Weston. We're friends. You must have it pretty bad if you can't remember me."
This is all so confusing. Hugo told you that you didn't have any friends... "Oh. Well, I'm just in the break room while Papa works." You cringe at your own wording. Still feels a bit weird, despite having grown more accustomed to calling him that now. "After he's done, we're probably just gonna go home."
Weston frowns. "Your dad? Are you talking about Hugo?" When you nod, he gives a dry laugh. "(Y/n), he's not—"
"What are you doing?" The deep voice startles you both. You turn around to see Hugo staring between the two of you, jaw tensing with some suppressed emotion. He forces a smile at Weston. "Hey, Weston, sorry, they're going through a lot as you can tell. Still in a state of constant confusion. Sorry. Did you want your usual? Croissant and cappuccino?"
He takes a small step back, but is still clearly defensive, like he's waiting for something to happen. "Yeah, no worries, Mr. Harrison. I know they hit their head hard."
Hugo nods. "I'll get started on that in a sec." He drags you back to the break room, almost slamming the door shut behind him. "Kiddo. What did I tell you?"
"I didn't technically leave... I just poked my head to see if you were busy, and that guy... Weston, I think, recognized me..." You realize his breathing sounds labored. "He said he's my friend."
"That kid?" he says incredulously, laughing. It doesn't sound humorous. It's dry and cold. "No, no, no. Sweetheart, I know everyone in this town and he most definitely isn't friends with you. (Y/n), look, you really can't trust your judgment right now." He grips your shoulders. "You gotta understand that you're hurt. Your head's not working correctly. Okay?"
You wish you could let it go, but something else he said makes you anxious. "He sounded like he was about to say you aren't my dad..."
"He's misinformed. Don't let him fill your head with lies. Now, I gotta get back to work."
"But—"
"For the love of God, just shut up, will you?" he snaps. "I barely let you come along! I should've followed my instincts, why do you have to make everything so damn difficult?"
The glint in his eyes scares you. It reminds you of something terrible, even if you can't remember. You flinch so hard you fall off the couch.
As soon as Hugo's anger came, it dissipated when he saw you trembling, backing up. You shield yourself away with your arms, expecting him to explode.
Even though you have no memory in your head, it's like your body remembers, judging by the way you recoil away from him. It's all instinctual. Even when his expression turns from angry to worried, to guilty.
"Oh no..." He kneels beside you. "Oh, I am so sorry, baby. I don't know what came over me. Here, take my hand," he offers. You reluctantly take his calloused, scarred hand. "Shh... I know, Papa can be scary, huh? I shouldn't have yelled like that. It's just that you made me so mad, scaring me like that... he's a bad person. This town is filled with them. That's why I'm so protective of you."
He's always making up excuses.
"I just wanna be left alone," you rasp. "Please."
"Okay. That's fair. If that's what you want." You expect him to fight it, but instead he gets up slowly and leaves after mumbling one final apology. After the door closes, you exhale, burying your face into your hands.
Something about what happened triggers a flashback.
"You just never know when to stop, do you? How many times have I asked you not to hang out with them?"
"Hugo, come on, you can't dictate who I hang out with. I can handle myself just fine. Now please, let me just do my job. People are staring."
"Keep up with this attitude, (Y/n), and we'll have problems."
"If you're going to fire me, might as well do so. I'm close to quitting myself."
You don't remember anything after that.
But whatever it was, it couldn't be good.
The ride home is relatively silent. Not that it's much different from his normal quietness, but it's a different kind of quiet. Deafening. Tense.
All because he lost his cool earlier. Your shoulders hunch as you try to avoid eye contact.
Finally, Hugo speaks. "Still upset?"
"Why do you care?" you mumble.
His fingers tense against the steering wheel, before relaxing. "Of course I care. I care about you more than anyone else." His eyebrows furrow with concern. "Just because I got a bit snappy back there doesn't mean I love you any less. If you weren't so reckless... but even then, I shouldn't have lashed out at you like that." He sighs deeply. "I'm sorry."
Something tells you if you don't forgive him now, he'll give you hell about it later. "It's okay."
That seems to quell his stress immensely, and he breathes out shakily, like a huge weight was taken off him. "Thank you," he murmurs. "We'll do something special tonight, okay? Movie night, maybe a pillow fort?"
"Sure." You're too tired to argue.
...
The next day, he leaves to get groceries, taking another day off work. You take that as an opportunity to snoop around, for the two hours or so he'll be gone.
Maybe something is fishy about Hugo; the way he keeps trying to keep you restrained from leaving the house is suspicious enough. And the lack of communication to the outside world, even before the fall.
No computer, internet access, cell phone... maybe your memories won't have to return for you to discover some clues.
Searching his bedroom provides nothing useful, so you continue towards his desk area.
Opening drawers, there's lots of random papers inside, which you flip through and scan through as carefully as you can.
That's when you realize one of the letters is a letter of resignation... from you, addressed to Hugo. The date isn't too long ago; in fact, it's the day before you remember having the accident.
You read through it, each sentence causing you more and more distress, until the paper is trembling in your grip.
Hugo,
I appreciate everything you've done for me since I first started working with you, but unfortunately our differences are causing more trouble than it's worth.
The incident last week truly opened my eyes. I didn't realize how toxic and controlling you were. You have isolated me from society, refused to allow me freedom, and tried to control who I hang out with and what I do.
You're my boss, but you insist on acting like my father, despite how many times I've told you that is crossing a boundary of mine.
Therefore, I regretfully inform you I will no longer work with you. This will be my two weeks notice. I'm sorry.
(Y/n)
The paper flutters to the ground. You're sweating. Isolating, controlling, manipulative behavior... it fits to a T of what Hugo's been displaying to you since the accident. Except it started long before that.
You glance around the hallway, suddenly feeling like you're in enemy territory rather than your home. But can you even call it that anymore?
All's you know, is you need to get out of here.
Running back downstairs, you begin planning what supplies to bring with you, but movement from outside catches your attention.
Rushing to the window, you see a familiar figure walking up the driveway. Your blood runs cold.
It's Hugo, carrying bags from the grocery store.
You must've lost track of time. You stumble to your room and pretend to be asleep.
Listening carefully to the noises coming from downstairs, he brings in the bags and rustling follows.
Now that you know the truth, every tiny noise causes anxiety. Why is he doing all this? Was this really all an elaborate lie, this entire situation?
And the most chilling part... was he responsible for your accident? Has it ever been an accident in the first place? As these thoughts race in your mind, your ears strain to listen to what he's doing below you.
Footsteps approach the staircase. Your heartbeat quickens and you burrow further underneath the covers. They ascend slowly.
Eventually they're right in front of your bedroom. Then, it sounds like they turn and head towards his room instead. You have to stifle a relieved sigh when he doesn't enter your room.
The relief doesn't last long.
Did you put everything away where you found it? Did you shut the drawers properly, did you cover up your tracks?
A few minutes go by, until there's a knock on the door. "Sweetheart, I'm getting started on dinner. How does mac 'n cheese sound?"
"Sure," you say, so quiet he almost doesn't hear you.
You wait until you hear his footsteps descend, then sneak into his room to make sure you put everything up.
To your relief, it looks like it, so you shuffle back downstairs, trying to put on the best neutral expression you can manage.
The last thing you'd want him to suspect is that you're onto his twisted game.
"There they are! Come sit at the table. Almost ready." He ruffles your hair gently when you take a seat. It takes everything in you not to squirm away from his touch. To keep pretending that you're blissfully oblivious. "How long were you napping for?"
"Not too long." The less you talk, the better.
"That's good." Hugo serves you a bowl full of macaroni and adds a glass of juice next to it, sitting across from you. Something about his demeanor seems different. You're sure that's just the anxiety talking. "Is something wrong, buddy? You're quieter than normal," he notes.
"Just... still kinda tired." You pick at the macaroni, hoping he doesn't press on about this.
"Awww... well, eat up, okay?"
Despite the lack of appetite, you force down the food. Every bite tastes like mush.
But if you don't finish it, you have the sinking feeling he'll know something's up. So, you force everything down, as well as the juice, which washes it down easier.
Within moments, a sudden wave of dizziness washes over you. "H...Hugo..."
Hugo gives a lopsided smile, somewhat apologetic. "I'm sorry, kiddo. I didn't want to do that, but found you messed with some of my stuff. My fault, I've been putting off getting locks for it. I swear, I'd lose my head if it weren't screwed on!" He laughs. It borders on hysterical. "All I want is to be your dad... for you to let me care for you." He reaches out, brushing hair from your sweaty forehead. "But no need to worry. I doubt you'll remember any of today, anyway."
"No..." You try to stand, but end up collapsing forward. In the haze, you register being pulled upwards.
"You just can't help but be stubborn," he chastises. "Guess you got it from your old man."
"You aren't..." Your tongue begins to feel heavy, just like the rest of your body. "Not my..."
"Sleep, baby. Sleep. When you wake up, this will all just be a silly nightmare. Papa's got you. He'll always have you."
And despite your desperate attempts to stay awake, sleep eventually claims you, as black engulfs your vision.
The last thing you sense is your head being tucked underneath his chin, and hearing him hum the same melody he hummed in the hospital.
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pepshee · 3 months ago
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Jealousy, or Jealous Hee
⋆˙ ⋆⭒˚.⋆
Pairing - ex!heeseung x fem!reader
Genre - college!au, smut, angst, exes to ??
Word Count - 3.2k
Synopsis - Heeseung was the perfect boyfriend and your first for everything romantic. When he broke up with you out of the blue and changed his entire personality you didn't know what to do. Until you saw him at a house party that is.
Warnings - cursing, drinking, angst, suggestive, mentions of jake + other idols, arguing, heeseung is a playboy, house party, creampie, oral (f rec.), p in v, mentions of smoking, lmk if i missed anything ! 18+ MDNI!
A/N - this is only my second fic ever and i didnt expect ppl to actually like the last one.. i'm adding smut this time cause i feel it's fitting. please give feedback!! this also might be a multi part fic if ppl want it... this is my first time writing smut too i hope it's good for yall😞 ive read a ton of smut fics so im using those as my references 🙏
PART TWO
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Your relationship with Heeseung was going super well. Everyone said you two were soulmates, and were made for each other. You were practically glued at the hip, and did everything together including applying to the same college. You guys celebrated so much when you were both accepted. You knew you wouldn't be in the same dorm per the university guidelines, you both were still so happy.
It was everything you could ever ask for. The summer before college you two went on a long beach trip by yourselves even though neither of your parents approve, but who cares? You're adults now anyways.
The beach trip went super well and you two had lots of fun together, and lots of sex..
He helped you move into your dorm as back to school season is starting and everyone knows it's better to move into your dorm prior to starting school. You also helped him move into his dorm as well.
That was two and a half years ago though.. He broke up with you two days before the first day without an explanation..
────୨ৎ────
It's been two and a half years since the breakup and you still never got an actual reason. All you know is two days before both of your first days of your freshman year in college he texted you saying, "I wanna break up, I'm sorry, I'll miss you," that's it.
After the breakup he changed completely. He became a playboy. He started smoking, drinking alcohol, going to house parties, hooking up, and he'd skip classes sometimes. You never could've imagined he'd do this. To you he was a perfect angel, but it's like a switch flipped on him.
You're both now in your junior year of college. You both went your respective ways but you're not over it, and you don't think you ever will be. When he broke up with you, you cried all night and all day, never leaving the bed nor the dorm. Your roommate, Giselle, only having known you for a week had taken care of you and comforted you. She's now your best friend and she still hears you cry sometimes but pretends not to hear it knowing you were trying to hide it.
Heeseung broke your heart and you don't think you could ever recover even nearly three years later. What's even worse is that he became popular. You heard about his every move pretty much considering everyone was pretty much obsessed with him. It was always 'heeseung this' or 'heeseung that,' you were sick of it. Not because you hated him, hell, how could you hate someone you dated since your freshman year of high school?
You had always heard about his new girlfriends cause it was always the next big news on campus, which you never understood considering they'd only last a maximum a week. This new version of him was unlikable, at least to you, others didn't seem to care that he kept playing these girls. They somehow keep throwing themselves at him claiming they're different. They always expect to be the one to 'fix him' or the one he decides to keep but it never ends up working for them.
The more you heard about him the more it seemed like he was trying to stray far from the lover boy personality he had years ago. The truth is that you still love and miss him, you know it's far gone by now but how could you forget dating someone for five years just for him to break up with you without an explanation?
You couldn't bring yourself to confront him, text him, nor talk to him. It was like that part of your life was imaginary. You hated it, you hated that it happened like this, and most of all, you hated that you didn't know why.
────୨ৎ────
Today you and your friends had planned to go to your friend's house party. Years ago you wouldn't have imagined going to a college party, but that's because you and Heeseung were together and you would've rather hung out with him. Now that you're broken up, you figured at least the free alcohol could help. You've gone to a few parties now, but only the ones that are on weekends.
It was Friday and you only had two classes today. One that was two hours long, and one that was about an hour and a half. You get up and get dressed, wearing just a casual T-Shirt with some shorts as it was pretty warm outside. You finish getting ready, and do your makeup, curl your hair, and grab your stuff before leaving your dorm room.
Your first class was pretty boring as always. it was a literature class which honestly didn't even go with your major but you still had to take it for some reason.
Your second class was also boring, but thankfully it was shorter, even if only by 30 minutes.
Finally, you were done with classes for the day and you and your friends decided to meet up at a nearby restaurant to eat before the party because you're all likely gonna drink alcohol.
After arriving at the restaurant you wait out front for your friends to arrive. It only takes them a short while. All of you walk in to get seated and order your food and drinks.
"So did any of you see Heeseungs new girl?" Your friend Moka had asked. Your friends knew about your history with Heeseung, but they still insisted on gossiping about him for some reason. "No, who is it now?" Giselle was curious, as always, she loved to gossip.
"It's Nayeon, she's so pretty. Do you guys think he will ever settle down with someone?" Yujin responded, you stayed silent throughout the exchange which was a normal occurrence whenever Heeseung was brought up.
Finally the waiter brings all of your orders. You all start to eat and enjoy the food you had ordered. You thought they would drop the topic of Heeseung but they didn't. "Hey look at Heeseung's story!" Karina turned her phone to the rest of you. On the screen you see a photo of Heeseung, with Nayeon, but it's in the cafe you two used to go to all the time when you were together. The text on the photo reads "same place, different person," it was like he was taunting you, like he knew you would see it, like he knew you'd be affected. You tried not to let it show but he was right, it did affect you.
All the memories started flowing back of all the times you two went there, you went so much to the point the employees already knew what you both would order without having to ask. It was your favorite place to go when you had downtime, and when you could leave school in the middle of the day when you were seniors in high school. You had never imagined a life without Heeseung but now you do and it's hard.
You're pulled out of your thoughts by Giselle speaking to you. "Y/N, are you okay? You seemed out of it, and you haven't touched your food much," you nodded letting her know you're okay. "Yeah, I'm fine, sorry," you reassured everyone and went back to eating.
────୨ৎ────
The time of the party was now approaching. You all decided to facetime while getting ready. You decided to get a little scandalous with your outfit which you usually never did. You put on a black lace cropped tank top, with a denim mini skirt which was just a bit too small for you, but that's the point. You put on a pair of thigh highs, heels, do your makeup, curl your hair, and finally add some finishing touches of jewelry.
You and Giselle leave your dorm and head to the campus courtyard to meet up with the other two girls. "Oh my god, Y/N, you look so hot, you have to dress like this more often," you giggle at Karina's compliments. The four of you meet your friend Minnie who is the designated driver. She doesn't like to drink alcohol, but she still wanted to go to the party so she agreed to be the DD.
It only took about 20 minutes to get to the party, you don't know whose house it was but it was pretty large. You all enter the party, and decide to split up. You head to the kitchen immediately wanting to drink some alcohol. You see multiple empty, full, and half-full bottles of various alcohols. You don't even pay attention to whichever one you grab, you just pour it into a cup. The alcohol leaves a small burning sensation in the back of your throat. You walk towards the living room where the majority of people are, but you spot someone you weren't ready to come face to face with yet as the wound is still wide open... Heeseung..
He was with his douchey friends that he had made after he did a complete 180 with his personality. The seven boys were always causing a stir, but they were so hot you had to admit...
You hadn't realized you were staring at him, but he had.
Heeseung was talking with his friends until he had a feeling someone was staring at him. He thought it was just another girl that wanted to suck him off or something. He turned his head to find you staring his way. He didn't really know how to react really, it's been a while since he'd since you despite you two being on the same college campus. He'd only seen you from a distance really.
The truth is he did miss you, and he would purposefully post his new girls just cause he knew you would see and would get jealous. He knew it was toxic and wrong but he didn't really care. At first he had no interest in posting the girls he was with because it would only be for a short while. That was until he started to miss you, miss everything you did together, miss your lips, your smile, your laugh, everything about you. That's when he started to try and make you jealous, and as far as he can tell it's working.
As he looks back at you his lips curve into a smirk before he excuses himself from his friends, "yo, guys, I'll be right back alright?" he announced. His friends give him small smirks knowing that usually when he excuses himself at a party it's for a girl.
You only realize he was staring back at you when he starts to approach you. You internally start freaking out not knowing what to do. Before you can come up with something he's already in front of you.
"Y/N. You're dressed... quite.. sexy.." His smirk gets even larger as those words come out his mouth. "You're also quite flushed, you're already drunk aren't you?" Shit, you hadn't even realized the alcohol had kicked in.
"What do you want Heeseung," you tried to sound mad and upset but it turned out more slurred than you wanted due to the alcohol in your system.
"To talk to my sexy ex-girlfriend, is there an issue?" You hated the cockiness in his voice. You hated how he was acting like nothing happened, like it was all okay, like you didn't cry, and throw up multiple days straight.
"Don't act like nothing happened. You broke up with me out of the blue.. You fucking hurt me." Your words now finally pack the punch you wanted the whole time.
"Come on don't act like that, seriously, just talk to me and be civil Y/N," a fake pout formed on his face as if trying to earn sympathy points from you.
"Can you take shit seriously for once? Ever since we broke up you changed and I fucking hate it! You would've never acted like this two and a half years ago!" You raised your voice at him, it's not loud enough for everyone to hear but some people nearby steal glances at the two of you. "Come on you don't mean that baby," He was starting to irritate you. Does he seriously have no shame? How did he end up like this?
"God you're so irritating you know that?! You're acting like you didn't break my heart, like you didn't leave me high and dry, without a rhyme or reason," now yelling at him because his act was getting to you, how could he be so nonchalant about this?
"Calm down okay? Let's talk about this when you're not drunk, don't cause a scene, you're gonna regret it later baby," his words weren't working on you, but then you then you thought about it. Maybe he was right, you should calm down, you hated creating scenes.
"Why're you calling me baby Heeseung?" Your voice is now softer, no longer yelling at him.
"You used to be my baby," you really didn't know how to react to his words, after all it's his fault you're broken up.
Your thoughts are immediately interrupted by his lips on yours. A feeling you haven't felt in so long. The kiss begins to become more like making out, his tongue dancing with yours and his hands on your waist. You wrap your arms around his neck pulling him closer and deepening the kiss.
He breaks the kiss to catch his breath and to say, "you're so lucky my buddy Jake owns this house. Follow me to the bedroom baby," the alcohol, and desire completely throw all of your common sense and critical thinking out the window. He takes your hand and leads you upstairs to an empty bedroom.
Once in the bedroom he immediately closes and locks the door before pinning you against it. Before you can process anything his lips are once again on yours moving hungrily.
He breaks away to remove your top, which coincidentally you weren't wearing a bra under. He lets out a small gasp but then a smirk curves onto his lips. His hands grab onto your breasts kneading them before taking one into his mouth.
You moan at the sensation and move one of your hands to his hair gripping it lightly. "Hee–" your breathless words made him want you even more.
He releases your breasts and removes his own shirt, unbuttoning it quickly.
Seeing his bare torso after so long could've made you cum on the spot, you loved his abs so much, you'd caress them randomly even if you were just cuddling and watching tv. "You're drooling Y/N," he chuckles. "No I'm not!" trying to wipe the saliva that had escaped the corners of your mouth.
He takes your hand and drags you over to the bed pushing you down onto it gently. He climbs on top of you, now hovering above you. He kisses you again while his hands move to the waistband of your short skirt. He breaks the kiss for a moment, "can I?" he asks, waiting for you to grant him permission to remove it.
You nod unable to form words momentarily. He wastes no time unbuttoning the denim skirt and unzipping it. He pulls it down leaving you in just your baby pink lacy underwear.
"These are so cute baby, I love this new pair," Heeseung had seen pretty much every pair of your underwear while you were together. You two were quite the hormonal teenagers in high school.
He then removes his pants, now leaving the two of you in just your underwear.
He reaches to remove your underwear sliding it down your legs before tossing it somewhere in the room. He slowly spreads your legs giving himself a view of your bare pussy. "Just how I remember it... So wet and pretty for me. He'd always do this whenever you two had sex. He'd spend so much time complimenting your pussy as if it could hear him. You always had to beg and plead for him to do something to you. "I'm gonna eat her okay?" he looks up at you waiting for approval whilst positioning his head between your legs.
"Please..." he doesn't hesitate after hearing your breathless plea to start licking your folds. The sensation is one you haven't felt in a while making it feel foreign to you once again. "Hee—" you moan. Your fingers bury themselves into his soft locks.
He continues to lick and occasionally sucks on your clit. He then inserts two fingers and starts moving them in and out of you. The double stimulation from his tongue and fingers making you see colors, the grip on Heeseung's and hair and your grip on the sheets making your knuckles turn white slightly. It's surprising how you're not ripping out his hair at this point. "Shit- Heeseung.. I'm gonna c-cum!" You can feel him smirking against your cunt as your loud moaning signifies your approaching orgasm.
Before you can let it go he pulls away making you whimper at the loss of stimulation, and the emptiness without his fingers. You're about to complain but he opens his mouth before you, "I want you to cum on my dick, not my tongue baby."
He then pulls down his boxers revealing his hard length, the one you haven't seen in nearly three years. You still loved it though, it was so big, thick and veiny... It was one of your favorite things about him, how blessed he was to be so big.
He pumps himself a few times before positioning himself between your legs. "You ready for me?" you couldn't tell if he was talking to you, or your pussy but you responded anyway "yes... please..."
He slowly inserts himself into your entrance going slowly so you can adjust to his size. You moan at the feeling of him stretching you. He bottoms out, pausing for a moment to let you adjust. "Please— can you move," you whine. He chuckles at your words before he starts moving his thrusts starting out slow before he starts speeding it up, the sounds of skin slapping together fills the room as he splits your hole open. You can feel the tip of his cock kissing your cervix.
"You feel so good baby, just how I remember. So tight for me baby," he groans as he feels you clench around him at his words. "Seungie-" your fingers gripping the sheets tighter.
"I know baby, I know," he knew exactly what was happening. He loved the sound of you calling him his old nickname. "Let go for me baby, we'll cum at the same time."
All it takes is a few more thrusts for you both to let go, the knot that was forming in your stomach finally snapping. You felt his warm release coating your walls, and you felt your release mixing with his. He pulled out of you gently, careful as to not hurt you. You could feel the liquids spilling out and sliding down your ass.
Heeseung lays next to you looking into your eyes, "goodnight Y/N," he says softly. You give him a gentle smile before closing your eyes and going to sleep.
What happens now?
What happens between you two?
Do you get back together?
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PART TWO HERE
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teaboot · 4 months ago
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Growing up, how was your relationship with the fundamentals of conscious existence?
My earliest memory of what I would call self-awareness occurred spontaneously in the middle of my fourth birthday party, where I suddenly became alert to my existence as a separate entity surrounded by other conscious beings.
This presented to me as not dissimilar to simply being brushed along the flow of a river- experiencing life as a serious of flashbang moments and instants and sensations, like meditating to music until the individual notes break into sounds that follow no rhythm and are only noise- no past or future, only now- and then suddenly finding yourself holding a paddle in the belly of a boat with no idea what to do next.
I remember running to the body that felt safest, who I did not recognize as anything else, and asking it who all the strangers around us were. The person that I learned was my mother told me they were my aunties and uncles, and I was being silly because I KNEW them, and why was I so shy all of a sudden?
Learning to articulate myself after that instant, I remember, was immensely frustrating. Learning your first language, as I remember it, is wuite a bit like how Ive been told recovering from brain damage feels like.
YOU know what you mean. YOU know what you're saying. But there are holes where you reach for something you know MUST be there and find nothing, and must find a way to communicate using only what you have at hand. Except there are always faces looking at you, talking down to you, asking you to do tricks for them to prove you really are a real human person.
I loved art, and I'm very good at it, but GETTING good at it was the worst. I'm told I started with scribbles at six months or so, before I could walk, and at three and four I remember being immensely frustrated that I could see in my head exactly what I wanted to produce, and I didn't know how to PRODUCE it.
And simple shit, like drawing shapes and circles, developing fine motor skills. You FULLY UNDERSTAND THE ASSIGNMENT, but your hands are soft and wobbly and don't cooperate. Getting your mouth and body to obey your directions is hellish, especially when all the appliances and furniture and installations around you are built for someone easily triple your size.
Chairs are hard to sit in when you're small and cant touch the ground. Your legs dangle and you cant scoot closer to the table, and the backrest is so far back you cant use it for support, and the table comes up past your chest so your chin is amost in your plate and your dumb clumsy hands cant hold a big spoon or fork in a way that feels natural or elegant so you end up smearing shit EVERYWHERE and getting yapped at for having your elbows on the counter.
Reading people was interesting. Most people are condescending and plastic when you're small, and you can tell when they're being saccharine and fake, but you're told the polite thing is to believe what they say and be polite back. I used to try using big sentences on purpose just to het them to leave me alone. "What a pretty girl! Can you say Hello?" was the most common ask I can recall. Id answer with the floweriest thing I could think of, usually, "I'm very well, thank you for asking, how are you?", because people only ask you interesting questions after you do well enough on their tests to prove you're people.
Being small was very tiring, and very frustrating, and becoming aware of myself in my own head probably made everything a lot worse overall.
No regrets, though. From what I can recall, life is far more enjoyable when you're aware of it occurring. Time can't slow down until you know it's there, I think
Being a baby full of instincts felt like living as a live grenade. Being a child was far harder, but more Full. More Human. A LOT more like adulthood than infancy, and I was very determined to remember that.
If any of that makes sense
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tgcg · 6 months ago
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hey guys. this is smth i have been thinking abt doing for a while but tonight i decided 4reel. i'm gonna put the blog on a kinda indefinite hiatus.
things have rlly changed for me & my life, & i need other things to change as well. i dont wanna divulge like... all my shit ere. but i just wanna say thanx to everyone who ever left a reply, kind message, fun ask, even just a like.
the kind of reception this blog got was totally beyond anything i coulda expected. i am still rly floored by it, u guys kindness & generosity. i'm rlly glad i could entertain you all and do right by these 2 guys.
i had so much fun here. making scripts & drawing them out. it's smth i have truly never experienced before & doubt i ever will anywhere else except this here blog. that was truly down to you guys & your enthusiasm and it'll never leave me. like, shit, getting dubs of my comix? fucking insane.
dk has been rly important to me for a rly long time. i became a fan of it over a decade ago. ive talked on da blog before about why i like em so much... so i'll just say here that i also don't rlly think these guys will ever leave me either. i think they were kinda a permanent mark on my development as a person. u can put me so so far away from hs & i'd still express that fondness for em deep down. they're a rlly great duo & i can't say at all that this decision is due to a lack of interest. love u dk <3.
for now i'm just gonna leave the blog as is, but in the future it may become p-word protected, who know... i'm not a fan of creating lost media since archiving obscure shit is a hobby of mine, so... we will "C"...
i'll still be hovering around over at @cgtg. i rlly like doing pwyw requests over there so i can flex my mspaint muscles and give u guys fun stuff. currently those are closed, but yea if ur interested you can drop a follow there & i'll say when they're open. no pressure to run over there tho. i understand that plenty were here for the dk's and i get that.
i might not be leaving this blog alone for good, & i think that's worth stating. who knows what will happen in da future? we're here right now & i'm very glad to have been here *until* now.
pls always have fun, do what you want forever, be kind, & take care. remember above all that youtube is where the poop is.
thanks for hanging out with me. love u all.
-randy tgcg 🙂
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missdynamighttt · 4 months ago
Note
This is not a request or anything like that, I just wanted to know which MHA guys would be willing to have a threesome, as canon and as less OOC as possible in your opinion!
⋆˚࿔ kia's note ˚⋆ FINALLY FINALLY OH MY GOD IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS, THANK YOU SO MUCH NONNIE. THE REQUESTS I GET ARE NICE BUT THEY ARE KINDA OOC AND PURE ON HARDCORE PORN IM NOT SURE IM USED TO YET.
NO TO THREESOME:
katsuki bakugo, shoto todoroki, tenya iida
honestly? i get these requests but i dont believe they'd be into that or want to do it. its a nice thought but its more that they just want you all to themselves.
they dont believe in sharing. plus, with the lack of intimacy they grew up with, it took AWHILE before yall have mindblowing sex. they won't let another person see how beautiful you look, when its supposed to be all for him.
its more of an ego thing for katsuki. even if you wanted to, his pride couldn't take it. besides, he can take care of you all by himself. he doesn't need another dick, or even a dildo to have you screaming and crying out in pleasure. and if it was a girl, he'd probably just ignore her anyway.
"sure as hell ain't sharin' you, sugar, thats for sure. tch, c'mere, gimme a kiss. i'll show you why my dick's all you need. gonna fuck these stupid ideas outta that pretty little head of yours."
meanwhile, shoto and iida is just reluctant. like i mentioned, it took you awhile in the relationship before hes fucking you so good. it also just feels weird when another person sees him like that, when its only all for you to see.
"my love... as... exciting, as the idea is, i don't think i like it. is that okay? i'm sorry. i'll make it up to you. now spread these legs for me, c'mon. i'll eat you out real good, i promise."
WILLING TO TRY:
sero hanta, kirishima eijirou, midoriya izuku
they wouldn't say outright no but not outright yes either. they're reluctant because another person would see you all vulnerable like that but the idea of bringing you more pleasure gets his dick really hard.
"it.. depends who its with, mi amor. i dont like it but i don't hate it. let's make a list, yeah? narrow it down and shit and we'll see." (y'all end up picking denki.)
"that's.. not what i was expecting. don't get me wrong, i don't hate it. its hot but its a little weird, y'know what i mean? okay, good. who to ask? bakugo would kill me... mina? she would too. but i'll ask." (she said hell yeah)
"oh! um... sure, why not? i'm not sure who we could ask, though.. maybe kacchan? oh! or, uraraka-san maybe. i'll call him and you call her." (both of them said yes but y'all decided on katsuki. you got drunk on both of their dicks real good.)
YES TO THREESOME:
denki kaminari
i think y'all know why he says yes. this man is kinky as shit, no denying that. he's a pervert but he's not a maniac like mineta. the image of you all fucked out taking on 2 cocks or kissing another woman while you're bouncing on his cock and he's eating her out.. its hot.
the challenging thing here was finding someone who was willing to have a threesome with him though. the person who ended up saying yes was sero. i imagine using both of their quirks to real good use, like bondage or shocking your needy clit.
"fuck, fuck, fuck. yeah? you like getting fucked by that, don't cha? c'mon baby, fuck his cock like you mean it, c'mon."
‎‧₊˚✧[ it's me, kia ! ]✧˚₊‧ 。゚•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• 。゚ ‎‧₊˚✧[ more of katsuki ! ]✧˚₊‧
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gaywineauntsstuff · 5 months ago
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the reason I hate the "Tim doesn't trust Dick after Damian/spyral/ric" is because they are besties your honour.
Like there's a post going around that I cannot for the life of me find that says Dick is Tims trusted adult and they are so right fr ong.
Because despite what Fanon believes Dick is a pretty chill guy and people take one look at him and go "let me unload my emotional baggage on you"
There's like a very famous panel (that im too lazy to find or remember the name of the run its in okay don't yell at me) where Tim basically goes "soooo my girlfriends pregnant" and Dick nearly falls off the roof.
Tim is calling Dick for the dumbest shit imaginable to the world ending and so are the rest of the batkids.
so I have taken the Canon that Dick knows if not all but most and generalised it to hell.
-------------------------
Jason has been on a team with like 80% of OG titan members
they're having gossip session
Jason in a war zone dodging bullets with his bat travel mug in his hand: And THEN! Kori and Roy shared this look and you know the look they give you when they're judging you for bat reasons and you're like tell me why you're mad I was raised by a crazy person my normal levels are skewed.
Dick in NYC with a blueberry bagel In one hand, his Turkish coffee in another, just finished meeting up with Donna who gave him THAT exact look: No REALLLLL why are they like that, just tell me which one of the creepy traits I internalised as a child is bothering you.
Jason: omg you get it anyway so I grab the bomb and start playing soccer with it because its round and im bored and starfire takes it away like idk what im doing? bro ive been bombed I know how to work with a bomb..
Dick: hmmm and then what happened
Jason: and then.....
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Tim: Dickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Dick: yea Tim
Tim: Kon is being a dick
Dick: oh?
Tim: yeah and its really starting to bother me man
Dick who knows Kon is dead and Tim is either hallucinating or drugged to be more susceptible to manipulation and is already on his way: hmm tell me more babybird whys he upsetting my lil brother
Tim about to tell Dick what is a fever dream bc he contracted pneumonia and is loopy off his ass on painkillers:
---------------------------
steph does this more with babs in the hero scene but its just... so easy and totally gets into the habit of it after Dick is her Batman for a bit and now she uses him as her civilian life therapist
Steph on her way back from campus: and then this bitch looks me up and down and pours her coffee cup down my shirt!
Dick on his way back to blud after decking bruce in the face: hold on hold on hold on she did what??
Steph nodding vigorously even though he can't see her: pulls my whole ass sweater away from my body and pours her peats coffee down my goddamn shirt Dick.
Dick: omg she didnt
Steph still nodding: she DID and then I found out from Jonny who found out from Vivian that someone told her I made out with her boyfriend at Leos house party
Dick who has no idea who any of these people are: wait but you were at Leos for like an hour max last week. we has smoothies after.
StepH: exactly so I had proof that I wasn't there and confronted her and went like. I don't want your crusty ass alt white boy whose favourite 'indie' band is the neighbourhood. I dated Tim fucking Drake the OG crusty ass white boy and I don't do repeats
Dick choking on his coffee:
Steph: anyway we are besties now and planning on getting her boyfriend back because apparently he cheated on her with this drop dead gorgeous girl and im high key a lil complimented she thought we were the same person.
Dick who initially called for casework and is actually so happy one of the people he calls siblings is actually like living a life outside of vigilantism: tell me more
Steph: you sound a little teary
dick: don't worry about it
-------------------------
Damian: Richard
Dick: Damian
Damian: so I might be skipping patrol with father
Dick:? what you love patrol??
Damian: and school
Dick: Dames? what's going on:? is everything okay? you can talk to me
Damian: I am volunteering at a hospital
Dick: kid
Damian: Listen before you sAY anything I know what we do is important but I think I can help in another way and -
Dick had brown parents and was training for the olympics at 8, totally knows what its like to have insane expectations and rebel with a day job: kid kid calm down okay? you wanna be a doctor? is that it?
Damian: well? I dont really know but I just? there has to be another way to help people. besides what we do I mean-
Dick: Alfred left me Thomas waynes journals I initially thought they were to bash your fathers head in when he was being stupid but it seems the old man was looking out for us. Wanna take a stab at your other grandpas legacy when you come over next weekend. I'll tell Bruce we patrolled so you get a few more days off.
Damian: you're the best
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siilent-wanderer · 2 months ago
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The Lines We Cross
Pairing: actress!aespa x actress!reader
aespa as classic k-drama tropes
masterlist | ive version
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Jimin
Defending her from her ex
you and Jimin are best friends in the drama
but her character’s ex keeps trying to win her back (it’s annoying)
the script only called for you to step in and pull her away
but the moment the ex gets pushy, you blurt out the first thing in your mind
“She’s with me now.”
"Seriously? You're choosing her over me? Come on, babe."
"Don't call her that. You lost that privilege a long time ago."
Jimin freezes
this wasn’t in the script
her eyes widen as she glances at you, lips slightly parted in shock
the director doesn’t yell cut, so obviously you keep going
you slip your arm around her waist, pulling her closer
“She doesn’t need to deal with someone who didn’t appreciate her when they had the chance"
Jimin’s cheeks are turning pink
the cameras aren’t even focused on her anymore
BUT she’s still looking at you like you just flipped her entire world upside down
after the director yells "cut", she’s still staring
“You— uh, that was… unexpected.”
“Didn’t like it?”
she huffs, crossing her arms but failing to hide her flustered smile
“I didn’t say that. You actually looked so hot back there. Almost made me believe you were actually jealous.”
you roll your eyes, “Maybe I was. Who knows?”
"Hmm, I wouldn't mind if you were."
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Aeri
Falling asleep on her shoulder
you just finished filming at a set away from the city, so it was a long ride back to the hotel
you’re exhausted, eyelids drooping despite your best efforts
Aeri is scrolling through her phone when she suddenly feels a weight on her shoulder
she glances down and finds you fast asleep against her
she stifles a chuckle, adjusting her posture slightly so you’re more comfortable
the van hits a small bump, and you instinctively nuzzle closer
EVEN murmuring her name in your sleep ???
Aeri freezes
her heart does this stupid little flip and she has to bite her lip to stop herself from smiling too much
the other cast members notice and start teasing her, making little kissy noises
“Shut up”
but she doesn’t move away
she rests her head lightly against yours, letting herself enjoy the moment
when the van finally stops, you slowly wake up, finding yourself nestled against Aeri
“I'm sorry, did I-”
“Yeah. For a while. Drooled on my shoulder, too,” Aeri smirks
your eyes widen, “I did not—”
she laughs at your horrified expression, then leans in slightly
“Kidding. But since you used me as your personal pillow, I think you owe me something.”
“Yeah? And what would that be?”
Aeri grins, her voice dropping to a teasing murmur
“Dinner. You know, as compensation.”
you scoff, but there’s a small smile playing on your lips
“Fine. My treat.”
“Actually… I think I deserve dessert, too.”
“Push your luck, and you’ll be paying."
“Worth it.”
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Minjeong
Confession in the rain
your characters have been dancing around their feelings for so long
and for some stupid reason, you decide to confront them in the middle of a damn storm
rain is pouring, soaking both of you
Minjeong is glaring at you, breathless from arguing
she never screamed at you before. well, not until now
“Why do you care so much?” she yells over the downpour, eyes searching yours
you step forward, grabbing her wrist before she can turn away
“Because it’s you!” you confess, voice raw and filled with emotion. “It’s always been you!”
Minjeong’s expression softens for half a second
AND THEN she grabs your collar and pulls you in for a desperate kiss
the rain blurs everything, but all you can focus on is her — her warmth, her hands gripping you like she’s afraid to let go
"CUT!"
you expect her to pull away immediately, but she doesn’t
she lingers, her forehead resting against yours
“That was… really good acting,” she mutters, though her breathless voice betrays her
“Yeah? Want to practice some more?”
she shoves you playfully, but you catch the small, shy smile she’s trying to hide
"But you know kissing me wasn't in the script, right?"
her eyes widen, "Huh? What do you mean?"
you just smirk and walk away, leaving her confused and flustered
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Yizhuo
Carrying her home drunk
Yizhuo's character gets drunk after a breakup
and unfortunately for you, as her closest friend, have no choice but to carry her home
“You’re heavy,” you groan, adjusting her on your back
Yizhuo giggles, arms lazily draped over your shoulders
“I’m not heavy. You’re just weak.”
“I should just leave you here,” you tease, pretending to drop her
she tightens her hold around your neck immediately
“Yah! You wouldn’t dare!”
you laugh, feeling the warmth of her cheek against your shoulder
in the script, it said you have to gently set her down once you reach her apartment
but Yizhuo, still in playful character mode, doesn’t let go
“You’re always so nice to me… Why can’t everyone be like you?”**
your stupid heart stutters
“Because they’d all be too annoying to handle.”
she's looking at you like she doesn't even care that you just teased her
she's smiling like she's about to laugh BUT HER EYES
they're looking at you lovingly
which flusters you, so you stop talking
"CUT!"
she doesn’t move right away. she's STILL clinging to you, smirking
“I like being carried. Might have to get drunk more often.”
you roll your eyes, “Or you could just ask next time.”
she hums in amusement. “Where’s the fun in that?”
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A/N: hello, I'm back from the dead
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