#I don't want her to feel guilty that her cat is in a shelter; I want her to know the cat is going to a loving home

[house-in-the-backyard-trees]

Like I genuinely don't think my mom pushes everyone out of my life on purpose to be malicious. But it's just genuinely breaking me and I have to do something about it and I can't be a push over anymore over it

[reinemichele]

Haha,,, one of my mom's patients needs to find a home for her cat and we were planning on going tomorrow to get the cat,, but my brother saw we moved the cat carrier 😭 shit's gonna get ugly for a bit

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for choosing my cat over my trans friend?

Some background about my cat first.

I (25F) have a pet cat named Max (not real name. It would be too identifiable if I used his real name). Max is a rescue. He had been abandoned by his previous owner because he would meow too loudly. This had happened several times, so he has been in and out of the shelter a lot. None of the previous owners had tried to figure out why he always meows so loudly, so I took him to a vet. It turns out that Max is deaf, so I don't blame him for meowing so loudly. He can't hear himself! He is scared of strangers and tends to hide, so I don't try to force him to come out if he doesn't want to. I also don't usually take pictures of him because the cameras and phones scare him. I just do what I can to respect his boundaries. Max isn't just a cat to me. He is my treasured family who brings a smile to my face everyday. I can't imagine life without him.

My friend, Amelia (22F) is trans. Her folks are transphobic and were not accepting of her when they found out. However, they had not kicked her out of her home right away. They had given her a week to pack her things and find a place to stay. I'm not sure what they were trying to do with that but another friend, Nina (24F) thinks that they did that as a manipulation tactic to get Amelia to retransition and Amelia thinks so too.

But the week had passed and Amelia couldn't find a place to stay. Nina had said she would have offered, but she lives in a small apartment that hardly had enough room for two people. So Amelia had asked out friend Ted (26M) who had also said he couldn't because he was housing his younger siblings since their parents had passed and he was struggling financially.

So that left me. But Amelia said she wouldn't be able to stay unless I got rid of Max. Why? Amelia is highly allergic to cats. Whenever she had come over to my place in the past, she had to take allergy medicine to keep from having severe allergies around Max. The allergies are bad enough that they could trigger an asthmatic attack. I told her that I refuse to get rid of Max because of his past with being abandoned. I do not want to become one of the people he distrusts, not after it took so long to get him to feel comfortable around me.

Amelia is upset with me for this and says that she doesn't want to have to always take allergy medicine. She said that I should get rid of Max because he is just a cat and his needs are not as important as hers when she could become homeless soon. I argued that he wasn't just a cat and was part of my family. Max would be staying no matter what. Amelia ended up renting a motel room, but she couldn't afford to stay for more than 4 nights. Nina ended up taking her in, but that has made her own living situation harder.

Amelia and Nina are calling me an asshole for choosing Max over giving Amelia shelter. They are saying that I am being a horrible ally and friend by valuing an animal over a human life. I don't think I made the wrong choice by choosing Max, but it doesn't feel great that they are starting to tell some other friends that I am being transphobic for not choosing Amelia. A part of me is saying that I should have chosen Amelia, but that same part is also saying I would fee guilty for being one of the people to also abandon Max if I chose to do that. Amelia and Nina barely talk to me aside from saying that I am being a transphobic asshole for "choosing an animal over a trans person's livelihood." I am thinking about just cutting them off now, but I'm afraid that would just lead to more backlash.

AITA for choosing my cat over my trans friend?

What are these acronyms?

[milgram-tournament]

MILGRAM Best Song Tournament, Round 2, Match 5 I LOVE YOU vs. CAT

Propaganda for both options under the cut!

Propaganda for I LOVE YOU:

mappi’s spitting bars 🔥🔥🔥🗣️🗣️🗣️

ok but i, as the iloveyoucountdown person before it released, waited 89 days for ily and SHE DID NOT DISAPPOINT‼️‼️‼️🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥 go vote ily now bc its peak music

---

the acoustic section where it just feels so raw and emotional it's crazy also we love to see mappi/miho okasaki rapping again and good lord mahiru delivered hadauwd, like you think about it a lot? like "Ishokujuu plus ai Miss you Raishuu aemasuka no Cadence Yurusarenai ikigai mou iki mo dekinai" it's also so catchy just "Dai- dai- dai- datte suki suki! Dai- dai- dai- datte daisuki."

it's such a quick song but it delivers and it DELIVERS WELL there's so much in the instrumental you can also miss, like sirens and such! again guitar section it's crazy!! i didn't even touch on the visuals, like the visuals are absolutely amazing and really touch on the toxic cycle of mahiru's relationship for example, the carousel turning into a forest! and also they were still able to implement some of tihtbilwy in the beginning of the song! we got to see mahiru's boyfriend as well!! additionally, RATS AND CAKE. HOLY SHIT we all know the absolute shock that appeared on everyone's faces the second that cake turned into a rat (to be honest, I was absolutely sick with shock for the rest of the day) It's really amazing as a song and MV, plus it did help give some more information on Mahiru!

---

miho okasaki's vocals are so powerful. it sounds like mahiru is screaming because of not being forgiven and because of what happened to her boyfriend and because "she can't just do it right".

THE LYRICS ARE SO. "clothes food shelter + love and miss you"?? "my lethal weapon is how to be in love with you"?? "kiss goodbye to this feeling cuz it's too heavy"?? again, the "why can't i just do it right" line?? SO GOOD.

MAHIRU RAPPING. THIS SONG STARTS WITH HER RAPPING. LITERAL CHILLS

i've heard the i love you chorus once and now it's in my head forever. i wake up, i sing the i love you chorus. i go to sleep, i sing the i love you chorus.

the lyrics are so sad when you start thinking about them more. "saying i love you but doing what i did, i know i have no right, crossed and covered in sin"?? please, don't you want to give mappi a hug. please she deserves it. she needs it

the "DIE-suki" pun.

the mv is so. i can talk about it for hours. it literally starts with showing us what happened to her bf. i've watched it live, i knew about this part and i still was shocked. mahiru's boyfriend is dead. mahiru is also rapping. also, the lyrics. this scene is terrifying to me and i mean it in the best way possible.

the cake symbolism. mahiru refusing to accept her reality and the true nature of her relationship with her bf and still seeing everything around her as cute and soft and pink. her feeling guilty and not knowing how to express love properly and still choosing to continue to love in this way. i don't know, something about it is so.. it's so sad and so realistic and so heartbreaking

i love how we can say so much about her relationship with her boyfriend based on mv and the lyrics. this is more of a theory and i probably shouldn't talk about it but i like the fact that mappi and her bf's relationship wasn't just abusive or one-sided love or anything like that. it's like they loved each other, they just.. didn't know how to show it or express it in a healthy way (or maybe mahiru's bf did know, but he was okay with going through all of this for her). like this scene when they're both riding the carousel and looking happy at first and even when both of them look like a mess, mahiru's face expression is still pretty much the same while her boyfriend looks much more tired, but he's still smiling. something about that part breaks me.

the instrumental is so fun and chaotic and creepy please listen to it. all milgram instrumentals are great but ily instrumental is definitely one of my fav ones.

Propaganda for CAT:

"You like jazz? Jazz is chaos within order. Got to love the whole band. Vibraphone, saxophone, trumpet, flute, piano, guitar, drums, bass… Go, rhythm section, go! The song sounds tender at times and aggressive at others as different instruments pop up at different times. Sometimes they follow Kazui’s voice (“follow the king of the masquerade”). Sometimes they get to be the focus. You have the chill piano one moment and the screaming guitar in the next.

You’ve got a lovely “jingle” (“Lie until it gets better…”) which occurs at the beginning, middle, and end. It fits the “newspaper ad” style of the video really well. Also at the very end, there’s one more line that gives the jingle an upward contour, giving a sense of finality. “Until you can meet the king of the masquerade.” You’re there now.

The two verses start off differently before they take on a similar melody. It feels like Kazui is talking to a different person in each verse.

The chorus is a beautiful façade the first time and a sinister truth the second time.

The opening for solos shows that this jazz song means business. I love how the saxophone and trumpet especially get in your face. And with the tacet on vocals, the walking bass really shines if you lend it your ear.

And the smoke break! Silence is golden. Glass click. Lighter. Huff.

As always, Kazui’s voice is super deep. He hits even lower notes this time around. He’s a fifth lower than the next lowest singers (Haruka and Shidou)."

---

-Great instrumental choice. Kazui and jazz is *chefs kiss*

-Symbolism. THE SYMBOLISM. I can’t type out all my thoughts but ifykyk

-The almost comic like style of the MV is really appealing.

-Lyrics!! There is so much to unpack but it’s really cool.

-Kazui eating the dove… fricken iconic.

---

FIRST OF ALL the vocals????? BEAUTIFUL. His va put his whole pussy into this song and you can tell!! The way he sings the chorus is so damn addicting I'm so in love with him. His voice is more or less stable throughout the entire thing until the final chorus but you can hear the emotion peaking out which fits perfectly with Kazui keeping everything hidden. The way his voice turns into a sort of whisper during "all the things I wanna do that I can't say outloud"??? The way his voice starts trembling during "this feeling it's yearning to be satisfied"???? The way his voice turns into a sort of whisper AND starts trembling during "hey, if I said I liked-liked you, what would you?"?????? HEAVENLY! You can really feel how afraid Kazui is under his disguise and my heart breaks a little everytime I listen. Not to mention how absolutely powerful his voice gets at the climax!!!!!! It's insane!!!!!!! It's genius!!!!!! It makes me wild makes me crazy makes me eat my walls!!!!!!!!!!

THE SMOKE BREAK?????? What other song has something as powerful as that huh???? This isn't just a song produced by the milgram machine using his memories, this is HIS song and he is OWNING IT! The music builds up so much and gets so intense right before it, I can literally feel myself get tense and starting holding my breath right before he takes the break and everything relaxs… it's not just a break for him, but a break for the viewer. The song is spiralling out of control just like his life and his lies and he has no choice but to put it to a quick stop before its too much to handle.

THE IMAGERY IS WILD!!!!! He's a magician!!! Little magic guy!!!! Using tricks and lies to amaze and captivate the people around him! Trying desperately to magic his own feelings into something else! But it's all fake! It's all tricks and no matter how hard he tries he can never actually change himself into what he wants! But he's trying to convince himself the same way he's convinced his audience!! And when you're watching a magic act, are you there for the magician themself or are you there to watch the show?? The people in his life only cared for him when he performed for them, but they didn't give a drop of love to who he was a person! ALSO the transformation of the wedding ring to a cigarette to the dove at the end??? Makes me wild every single time! Right infront of his wife, he showed her that their marriage was something unhealthy for him that was slowly killing him from the inside. AND THEN he uses it to harm himself???? And then he turns that cigarette into a dove- a representation of love and literally TEARS INTO IT. He tears his marriage apart with his mouth!!! AKA HIS WORDS. makes me wild. Also fun fact Kazui says he started smoking because when he was younger it was "just natural for everyone to smoke" and that lines up with his reasons for marriage perfectly.

Kazui looks really hot in it. You should vote for Cat because Kazui is insanely attractive. What other reason do you need huh? Hot gay middle aged man.

[hellenhighwater]

Hi Hell, congrats on the exciting foster kitten news!

I just applied to adopt a kitten and had my interview for her today. The woman seemed most interested in convincing me of how terrible dry food, traditional litter (she preferred clay), and tap water is for cats. She said the carbohydrates and ingredients were terrible for their kidneys, the dust in litter is bad for their lungs, and the chlorine in water is harmful. I have a 12 year old cat named Scipio who has been using those things all his life, and now I feel guilty and scared for his health. He seems perfectly healthy to me but she said “cats are stoic.” What do you use with the Tiny Terrors? Is she extreme?

Well, I'm not a vet, so the actual answer is that your cat should be getting what their doctor recommends. But I've had those conversations with people before, and I can give my two cents--just take it with a grain of salt.

So...it's basically always true that you can spend more money on fancier 'health' options and there is, to some extent, benefit to the pricier choices. But there's a point at which that benefit is pretty minimal compared to what you get for the midrange price options. This is as true for pet health as it is for people health.

It's true that wet food is usually a better option for cats. Among other things, it helps them stay at a healthy level of hydration, can be easier on their digestive systems, and is often more palatable for cats who are elderly or have dental problems. But that doesn't mean that dry food is inadequate--Mal and Vice used to split a can of wet food daily, and graze dry food whenever they wanted. They're currently eating almost exclusively dry food, because Vice is on a sensitive skin and stomach diet to help address his overgrooming. I would avoid the bottom-end dry foods, because they seem prone to contamination, but that's more manufacturer quality than an issue with the dry food generally. Dry food is usually a nutritionally complete way to feed a cat, and there's nothing wrong with it.

Mal and Vice drink tap water. They have a bowl of still water, and a fountain with an inbuilt filter. The fountain is because if they don't have running water, they will make running water by splashing their bowls all over. I can't speak to chlorine but it's definitely healthier than drinking out of puddles, which is what they would be doing if left to their own devices.

They use clay litter because that's what's effective and affordable. When I'm changing it out I generally give it a few minutes for dust to settle before I let them at it--someone always wants to make a deposit in the clean box--but there's pros and cons to all the litter options out there.

In a perfect world with infinite resources, I'd be feeding the cats a careful balanced diet of fresh-prepared meats and filtered spring water, and they'd take dumps in a tiny kitty toilet that cleaned itself without my help. But that's not really practical or achievable for me, my life, or my cats, and frankly, it's not necessary. I want them to have a good life. It doesn't need to be a perfect one. If your cat is doing well, and their vet is giving them a clean bill of health, you probably have nothing to worry about. I'm not a professional; you should consult your vet and research options for yourself (which is what I do) but you're not doing anything wrong here.

I will say that when I was going through the process of adopting Mal and Vice, some places (usually private rescues) wanted me to jump through INSANE hoops to even apply. I respect that their hearts are in the right place, but... There are hundreds of kittens in shelters right now that need homes desperately, and the quality of the cat has very little to do with the quality of the rescue--they might have more or less vet work done, depending on where they're coming from, but nobody's managed to fundamentally change the nature of the beast. If you can provide a safe home, food, clean water, and attention to a cat, that's really all they need. The rest is just gravy.

[dira333]

Dira dear darling

Could i please request a plotbunny with Matsukawa and jealous reader? Also, here's a number - 7. Idek what you need it for but i'm really looking forward to whatever you cook up!!

Once again, thank u so much for sharing your work with us!! Stay hydrated and take frequent breaks!!! 💫💜❤️✨️🩷💙💚

I don't like writing jealous people, so I took some creative liberties.

Prompt Nr. 7: Lost my gloves, you give me one

"I can't believe it," you gasp, stepping out of the house. "Going behind my back while I'm getting ready?"

Issei has the decency to look guilty, but the furball in his arms doesn't seem to care.

"Look, she was being loud," he starts and the cat in his arms makes sure you know what he means when she all but yells in your face.

"I know, Issei, and now you're covered in red fur."

"It suits your dress," he tries, but you just shake your head at him, softly pinching his ear.

-

"Come here," Issei draws you in as you pretend to stalk away.

"No," you moan, "You don't love me anymore."

"I love you a lot," he points out, "It's the cat that doesn't love you."

"Don't be a meanie," you growl but let him catch up, snuggling into his side. "I'm just a dog person, okay?"

"You're not a dog person and I still love you," he points out, leaning in to bite your nose.

"Ugh, your hands are cold," you groan when he takes your face, trying to kiss you.

"Sorry," he whispers against your lips, "Lost my gloves."

"You." Kiss. "Can." Kiss. "Have." Kiss. "One." Kiss. "Of." Kiss. "Mine."

Issei stops, face so close you're probably going cross-eyed trying to look at him. "Are you sure? Normally it's my job to give you a glove."

"Ah, I'm feeling manly today."

-

"I'm so going to regret this," you tell Issei as you put his present on the table. "Promise you're still going to love me after opening this box."

"Babe, you're scaring me. Did you get me and Makki matching costumes or what?"

"No, and don't ever mention that idea again."

He grins, leaning in to peck your lips before pulling back to look at his present.

"But seriously. Why is your present so big? Mine's so small!" He points at the little velvet box that's now sitting on the table, the process of handing it over almost making you forget your present for him.

"Shut up," you growl, "you know it's not that small."

"That's what she said," he grins, taking off the top of the box.

All jokes are forgotten at the sight.

It's not a kitten, even though you wanted to get him one. But Mochi, the five-year-old tabby at the shelter, had looked up at you with such sweet eyes you just couldn't walk past her.

"You got me a cat?" He breathes out, eyes turning a little glassy.

"I got you a cat," you confirm. "But you gotta feed her, okay? I'm already in charge of killing all our plants."

He pulls you in, kisses you feverishly, and turns back to Mochi who's content in her box, purring as she looks up at the two of you.

"You got me a cat." He repeats. And in those five words, you can hear that this means a lot more than you had originally thought.

Or maybe it means exactly the same.

[realmackross]

Time: August 13th, 2024 Content Warnings: None!

"Don't you, forget about me. Don't, don't, don't, don't. Don't you, forget about me." - Simple Minds

The feelings that Mackenzie held in her heart were mixed. Though the departure from Wicked’s Rest wouldn’t be permanent, as far as she was currently concerned, the idea of leaving a place that had oddly and painfully become her home over the past year was still hard to wrap her head around. But it hadn’t been a decision she had taken lightly. It was one of self-preservation, because if she didn’t do it, she was sure this town was going to claim another life, even if she was a member of the undead.

But what had been impossible before, when she left no trace and just disappeared, had seemed even harder now that she was doing it the right way. Alerting those she loved that she was leaving. That she was off to temporarily start a new life for herself. At least for as long as this new movie was shooting and the press tour was going. Of course there was still the murder of Brody Stevens lingering, even while he sat right next to her reassuring her that this was for the best. It was still a problem she wasn’t sure how to come to terms with – turn herself in or pray that she would be acquitted if the truth ever came out that she was the one to kill him. She certainly still looked guilty and though the love of her life had reassured her that even he knew it wasn’t intentional, Mackenzie still struggled.

“Hey, Kenz. Your flight leaves soon. Are you ready? Are we doing this? I don’t think Jack can stand this cat-carrier much longer, and we’ve got a long flight ahead.” Taylor held Jack’s carrier in her hands as she looked towards the zombie.

“Yeah, I just…You got enough brains for the flight right? I don’t want to do this if there’s any risk of a plane going down over the Pacific because of a zombie…” It sounded absurd, but if it had been one thing Mackenzie had learned in her time in Wicked’s Rest was that preparation was key, especially when it came to literal life and death.

“Yes, and I’ve already found a supplier in Australia, which means there’s more people out there like you. Outside of Wicked’s Rest. You’re not going to be alone…” She sent a soft, reassuring smile in her friend’s direction, “I’ll be out in the car.”

Nodding softly, Mackenzie turned back around to face the quiet house releasing a heavy sigh. As she looked around, she let her eyes take in all the good memories and even the bad memories with the friends she had made since her arrival. The sleepover and falling off over the upstairs bannister. The time spent with Alex talking about life and watching movies. The zombie movie marathon with Milo. And even the night of drinking with Chai that led to one of the worst mistakes of her life. More recently the relationship with Elora that allowed her a chance to see that love was possible again. And the birthday party of two with Winter, even after the strain on their friendship. She thought about all the nights spent alone watching tv late into the night and all the As Seen On TV stuff that had been dropped off in a box at a local shelter, along with some clothes and a donation check hoping it would do some good, despite all the harm that had seemed to come from her existence.

“This is a good thing, Babe. And I’ll be with you as long as I’m allowed.”

His voice was a reminder of a life when everything felt right. Felt good. And she closed her eyes taking in every word Brody whispered in her ear. God, how she wanted to hold him and kiss him again. But just having him in her presence was more than enough for what she was about to do, “You’re right. I’m just scared.”

Turning around to face him, she refrained from letting her hand run across his face knowing the outcome, “I know I need this. I just don’t want to hurt anybody.”

“You’ve got this. And Winter, she was right. Forgive yourself, Mackenzie Elizabeth Ross. There’s plenty of other times in life to feel guilty. If I can forgive you and still love you, then you can forgive you.” He shot his trademark smirk in her direction as she let her eyes scan over the house one last time.

“Okay, let’s do this. Let’s go make a movie in Australia.”

As the car pulled out of the driveway, Mackenzie thought back on all the people she was leaving. Winter. Monty and Kaden. Cass. Charlie. She thought of Sellama praying she was safe. She thought of Elora, Alex, Milo, Marcus and all the other friends who had come and gone hoping they were happy. She thought of Caleb, who she hadn’t seen, but had even wished him the best, hearing through town gossip that he had been freed of the demon that plagued him. And Jade? Well Jade was just Jade.

Wicked’s Rest had felt like a lifetime, despite it only being a year of her life. But she knew she’d keep the lessons she had learned close to her heart as she went onto bigger and better things. Knowing that even if the time there was brief, it had still made quite the impact.

“Hey, Mackenzie! Look!”

Blinking through the tears in her eyes to clear her vision, she quickly looked out the other side of the window of the car she was in to see Sellama pronking happily through the grass, “She’s alive? She’s alive!!!” Mackenzie rolled down the window and leaned forward screaming out the window, “SELLAMA! I LOVE YOU, GIRL! BE SAFE MY SWEET GIRL! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!”

At that moment, her decision had felt right. She was as free as Sellama was, pronking happily through the fields of Wicked’s Rest, and without second thought, Mack stuck her head out the window and screamed something of relief as the salt laced wind blew through her wavy blond hair. With Brody, Taylor, and even Jack at her side, Mackenzie felt safe. She'd be back eventually, but not until it felt right in her heart.

And as she boarded the plane to Australia knowing that she had people in her corner in all parts of the world, everything felt okay. It felt right. It felt whole.

[tittyinfinity]

Rant, in relation to my donation post.

Well I lost all the progress I made in the last 2 years to get away from my mom all because my cat Thronk pissed in one spot in the closet repeatedly (the only other place was mg laundry) and that apparently means replace the while carpet in the whole apartment. $1100. My mom says it's my fault for having cats, so I knew the risk. Yeah, whatever. I guess.

My cats saved my life, though. I was alone all day in bed in pain with my kid at school, and they always show me so much love. My mental health got better. So yeah, it's my fault for getting cats, but as selfish and horrible as this sounds – mind you, I was in a very, very suicidal state – I didn't want to kill myself because I knew that my son had family to go to, but my cats would have been separated and given to a shelter. No, I don't care about my cats more than my son. I felt like he didn't deserve a mom that was always in so much pain that we could never do anything. I thought his life would be better without me. But I knew my cats would be worse off without me. It's selfish thinking. I hate myself for thinking like that. But it's one of the things that actually kept me from doing it.

My cats saved my life. I'm not letting them go.

I have a strong feeling that I'm not gonna find a place to live in time. My mom told me that I won't be able to keep my cats if I stay with her this long.

Either way, she has a habit of kicking me out randomly. In 2021, I had to crowdfund over 1k in a week in order to not be homeless, and only got that due to a stranger who sent me $600.

Now I'm in the same boat, crowdfunding again, and it's taken me 2 months to get about $400 in donations – which I am NOT trying to make people feel guilty for, I just know it's because people have already been donating to me thru my last donation posts and I can't expect them to do it over and over. If this was a one-time thing, I'm sure it would be different.

Anyway. Sorry for the rant. Frustrated.

[0xo]

i am so tired of ppl on facebook being like "help, my [dog/cat] is missing, we usually let them out to roam and they haven't been home in a few days," stop it! stop it! you are a bad person!!!!!

i just saw one where the poster was like "my unchipped unspayed uncollared female cat is in heat and i let her out, she's been gone three days, please bring her home to me" with a picture of a cat who was clearly old enough to be spayed and it's just. AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! we literally have programs in our area for $15 dollar spays and $5 microchips!!! why are you letting this happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! stop letting your cats outdoors!!!!!! i get that maybe getting the cat fixed is out of budget atm but at least keep them inside!!!!!!

also if $15 for a spay is too much, like you own this cat for two years and can't come up with $15 ONCE, maybe you don't need a pet???? how are you feeding them if you can't afford to fix them? and you're letting them outside, are you even flea treating them? like i am currently broke but my cats have NO NUTS and plenty of food and monthly flea meds! and they STAY INSIDE!!! it makes me so angry when ppl get animals without considering that they COST MONEY and that you have to. Have To. get them fixed and medicated. and that if you want an Alive Cat you should NOT BE LETTING THEM OUTDOORS!!!!!!! these ppl are fucking insufferable quite frankly.

like im not saying poor ppl shouldn't have pets! shit happens! i am a broke person with pets! if you get a pet while circumstances are good, you're confident it all fits in your budget, and then something happens and you're suddenly broke, i don't think you should have to get rid of the pet. if you're ALREADY broke and want to have pets, that's cool, everyone needs a buddy - you NEED to save up first. and in both cases, you gotta know how much monthly care costs and you need to be ready to put their medical needs before your wants every single time. and if you know you can't do that, do! not! get! the! pet! if you cannot afford to spay/neuter or to adopt one that's already spayed/neutered (most shelters do this!) you cannot afford one! very sorry!

like i feel bad saying that some ppl don't deserve their pets but. when you let them run around outside off leash for days on end, and don't bother with proper veterinary care even when you can afford it? that is bad! that is cruel! your pet is going to get injured or stolen! and honestly if you're neglecting an animal that much, if they're missing three days and it takes you THAT LONG to think "maybe something isn't right," maybe somebody else should take the animal!

sorry it's just. so bad. it makes me so angry. i love my cats more than life and i can't fathom just letting them fuck off to get killed. one of mine went missing for 7 months, not because anyone let him out but because of a broken window, and i was destroyed!!! gutted!!! i felt guilty and angry every day even though nobody did anything wrong!!!! it was the best day of my life when he came back!!!! i would give an organ to be able to have the space/money for a dog, but i don't have the right things so i don't have a dog. but i want one so so so bad, i miss my childhood dog like a family member. she was one of my dearest friends in my entire life. and ppl with dogs and cats are just letting them go loose on the streets? and being SURPRISED when they don't come back? disgusting!!!!!!

[frogsandfries]

I've bought sixty grams, about a quarter of a cup, of this color, Miyuki 15-152FR, for what it's worth. I've spent just over twenty-five dollars on this color alone. Also, I think that might be too much of this color, but I haven't even done the second outer piece, never mind the face or the tail.

In other news, I've also started designing a carousel. I'd like it to be functional with the horses going up and down, and two rows of horses. I don't know if that's ambitious or crazy or what. I just hope I can stick with this for a while. My mental health/neuro issues seem to be more powerful than my actual brain when it comes to my projects, but at the same time--

So there was this post on Reddit asking how people got into beading.

When I was extremely little, before I even started preschool, I lived with the woman who gave birth to me, and my first sister. I remember one day, seeing a bead loom in that woman's stuff and just.......I don't know how to describe it, but that may have been the first thing that I remember being...... entranced, fascinated, intrigued, curious, obsessed with. Obviously, I was not allowed or encouraged to interact with the bead loom. Beads slipped into the recesses of my brain for a while, until middle school. I don't know what it was, but I rediscovered beads and I was obsessed, but I was also stymied, frustrated. I couldn't figure out how to do much more than basic peyote stitch and tubes, and my parents were....... actually, now that I think back on it, I think they were actively getting in my way of figuring it out.

Then in college, I caught a whiff that there were people out there who made their own plushies, and I was so intrigued, but I had absolutely no time to figure it out at that time. Later, when I might have had time, I had to remind myself that I absolutely cannot have all the hobbies.

And now, here we are. I'm mashing two hobbies together, and squeezing in some other minor obsessions, like carousels.

Also, it is taking every last drop of willpower not to just bust out and buy this order of beads that has more Catbus brown, just so I can have my dumpster green.

Off on a slight tangent, I can't find the pins I was using to shorten my curtain. I was thinking about just sewing it into place. Either way, I'd really like to get some sound baffling going on in my office. It's far too echo-y for my taste. I think I know where my sewing needles are, but the dog was being crazy earlier.

Oh, speaking of the dog, so I don't know if I've mentioned:

My sister who is married with kids, her husband bought this blue heeler (?) from a backyard "breeder". The dog was for her. I guess he was threatening to kill him, so she gave the dog to our younger sister. Our parents watched the dog for a while, in the most maximally hands-off way possible 🙄

Anyway, he's apparently about a year and a half old. He's completely untrained. His fucking toenails are completely unkempt, so when he jumps on me, personally, I'd rather be climbed by a cat.

He's a fucking working dog.

I would never choose a dog to live in my home. My sister, who's supposed to be caring for the dog, was only even trying for our sister, and she's fucking busy. She has an insane commute, insane work hours, not to mention, a whole house, with utilities, a mortgage, four cats, four guinea pigs, a hedgehogs, an unknown number of rabbits that I guess our parents have also been "watching", and she wants to start a garden this late (?) in the season.

Anyway, she's going to take him to the shelter. I'm sure she feels even more guilty than I do, but it truly is for the best. He needs a family who is as high energy as he is, with either the space, the time or both, to train him and get him moving.

[snootlestheangel]

This is a big rant thats mostly related to Silence is Golden But Consequences Are Red (one of my wips) but it kinda touches on some personal things

Anyways!

The topic of Silence is Golden being one of my personal favorites of my works but having no interaction on tumblr kinda sucks.

In other words, here's what I picture happens with Silence is Golden.

I am like a little kid that has drawn something and is super duper proud of it and really wants to show it off to everyone.

But everyone maybe spares a glance, if that, and goes about their day.

It hurts and it sucks, especially when I put a lot of effort into it and I want recognition for that.

HOWEVER

That being said, I am still proud of my work. I still love it and it's still my special little thing. I love when people take the time to see it, but I don't want anyone to feel forced with it.

SIGBCAR has become like an extension of my real life feelings because I'm autistic enough that I have a genuinely hard time with emotions and processing those.

My job is a rather thankless job. I definitely get told by a lot of people that what I'm doing is incredible and so good, but it's meant as a generic "all shelter workers are saints" type of thing.

I am very proud of how well I'm doing despite only having been there going on 4 months now. And I can handle not being praised or even remotely shown gratitude for my hard work. It's expected and I'm mature enough to know thats not how the world works.

But some days are harder than others.

Days like when its suddenly decided your little sister can get a cat. Days like when you're reminded that when you told your dad "I might need an emotional support animal in a year when I go to school out of state." Only to be basically told "no". Days when you're reminded you dropped out of college because your mental health was in the gutter and you had to put your cat down a week after you came home. Days when you're reminded that you were expected to start working pretty soon afterwards because you needed a plan so you didn't end up like your older sister had been when she dropped out.

Days when your little sister gets a cat because her boyfriend is going off to the military. Days you're reminded your dad basically told you to make friends but doesn't do the same to your sister.

That the above situation is so outside of fair that you've not even fully processed it.

So I have put these emotions into a fic. Is it healthy? Absolutely not.

Is this simply a rant to get some things off my chest? Absolutely yes

Is this me trying to tell people to read Silence is Golden? NO IT IS NOT

I want people reading it because they want to, not because they feel guilty for anything.

[werepunkk]

So some drama happened and long story short my neighbor decided he can't take care of his dog anymore and gave her to my boyfriend.

Long vent about this under the cut

She's a pitb*ll (name censored to keep it out of the main tag) and she's extremely sweet and loving with people.

But. She has already shown signs of being reactive to other dogs and having a high prey drive, and she is a very powerful dog.

She would be a great dog for experienced dog owners with no small animals. But we are not that. We are 3 dudes who haven't had dogs since we were kids, and we have two cats, one of which has already shown she has more courage than brains when it comes to dogs.

We let her see the braver cat, while she was on a harness of course, and the results were not encouraging.

My boyfriend wants to continue to try to acclimate the dog to the cats, but it seems very obvious to me that this dog is not a good fit for our home and we should start looking for somewhere better for her.

My boyfriend has said "just say the word and we'll stop trying and work on re-homing her" but I can't help but feel it's unfair to put me in that position. I don't want to be the bad guy making their boyfriend get rid of his dog

He buys into the nanny dog myth, so I think he's viewing everything she does through rose colored glasses. When we let them see each other, she actively tried to lunge at my cat and it was only the harness that stopped her. But he insisted it went well and we should keep going despite the huge red flags.

I'm so frustrated that this guy, who usually acts like he's the smartest, most rational person in the room, can't see all the signs that this situation is untenable.

l have been in a constant state of anxiety since this dog got here. I have had multiple panic attacks, can't sleep, and have frequent intrusive and graphic mental images of what could happen to my cats if this goes wrong. I have communicated all this to him, and while he does comfort me, he doesn't want to do the only thing that would make this anxiety stop.

Because I will never be fully comfortable with this dog around my cats, not ever. Not after seeing her snarling and lunging at one of them. And I think he knows that deep down, but he wants to keep this dog so much that he's willing to downplay how badly it's affecting me.

My roommate also really likes the dog. And I like her too, and I'll be really sad to see her go.

I feel incredibly guilty because I know that as a p*t bull her odds of finding a home are not good. My roommate does have a family member who loves dogs and hates cats and might be willing to take her-- but if that doesn't work out, she'll have to go to a rescue or shelter. And she's just being a dog, she doesn't deserve to be bounced around or to be euthanized because there's too many of her breed.

But my cats don't deserve to be killed or confined for life, and I don't deserve to feel constant anxiety for the next 10-15 years.

This whole experience has opened my eyes to how little the world actually cares about cats. The city shelter doesn't even accept cats, it's dogs only. And often when I mention my pets to new people, the first thing they tell me is how much they hate cats.

Even my boyfriend and roommate, the two people closest to me who I thought loved Max and Punzie, are so enamored with the dog that they're downplaying the risk she poses.

I feel like I'm the only one who cares about Max and Punzie, so I'm going to be the one who looks out for them. I'm going to put my foot down and get this dog to a new home even if it means I'm an asshole

[dragonbugsuperior]

Adrien's Manipulation and How He Manipulates

As you can see, I have spoken about the things the ml writers have done and attempted to get away with however I never dug deep into how manipulative Adrien is and how he has manipulated people. I have provided real transcripts from the episodes. You can look it up yourself they're there for everyone to see.

In Malediktator (season 2, episode 24) Chloe threatens to leave Paris, Mr. Bourgeois gets akumatized into Maledikator; invested with absolute power, he wants to make his daughter's dreams come true so that she stays with him. In the episode, Chloe announces that she's leaving Paris to the entire school and the students are thrilled. They were celebrating the fact that their school bully was leaving Paris. Including Marinette, who was also relieved to know her bully/tormentor was leaving Paris. The same girl who's been bullying Marinette for years.

Here's some real transcripts from the actual episodes

Chloé: (from the helicopter, through megaphone) Hey there, losers! I'm headed to New York with my mom. (throws flyers) I'm leaving you all behind in your pathetic little school and your pathetic little city. Adieu!

(Marinette picks up a flyer showing Chloé in front of the Statue of Liberty.)

Nino: Chloé's leaving?

Nathaniel: Forever?

Marinette: Looks like it.

Alya: Yeah.

(Everyone jumps in the air out of happiness; confetti appears out of thin air and there are fireworks for no reason at all. Everyone, including Mr. Damocles, dances and parties.)

Marinette: Without Chloé around, Paris will be filled with a lot less negative emotion!

Tikki: And less akumatizations.

(Adrien walks up to Marinette from behind.)

Adrien: Hey, what’s going on here? What are we celebrating?

Marinette: Chloé’s gone! She’s moving to New York!

Adrien: Chloé left…? For good?

Marinette: (still excited, not realizing that Adrien is not sharing everyone else’s enthusiasm) Yeah! Isn’t it great?

Adrien: Uh… no. I think it’s terrible! How can you celebrate a thing like that?

There

There's the manipulation. Adrien guilts Marinette for being happy that her tormentor is gone. He guilts her for being relieved to know that her school bully is leaving Paris. Not only did he make Marinette feel guilty for feeling the way that she did. But the episode also deems Marinette as if she's selfish for feeling glad that Chloe is gone. While Adrien completely invalidates Marinette's feelings, and does not take into consideration that Chloe has bullied and made Marinette's life a living hell for years. Adrien knows Chloe has been bullying Marinette for years and instead of letting her feel happy that her bully is gone he guilts her and shames her saying that she shouldn't be celebrating something like that. Not contemplating the fact that Marinette has been bullied, shamed, taunted, and tormented for years. All because Chloe's his childhood friend and she was his only friend. He continues to support Chloe, and guit-trips Marinette for being happy that her life-long bully is finally leaving, because he doesn’t care about how Chloe torments everyone in the class or how she’s literally abusing Sabrina, all he cares about is how her leaving affects him.

In Glaciator Chat Noir imposes a date with Ladybug.

Transcript

Cat Noir: So, uh, Ladybug? What would you say if you and I met up tonight for a little dinner? Rooftop style?

Ladybug: For dinner? As superheroes?

Cat Noir: Well, uh, yeah. That's right. We're only together when we're saving Paris. I mean, wouldn't you actually like to get to know one another?

Ladybug: I... That's so thoughtful of you, but I can't. I have to, uh, I already have plans with some friends.

Bus driver: (steps out of the bus and shakes hands with Cat Noir) Thank you. (shakes Ladybug's hand) Thank you, Ladybug.

Cat Noir: Well, if your plans end early, come and join me.

Ladybug: We'll see.

Cat Noir: I'll be waiting, my lady.

(Ladybug uses her yo-yo and leaves. Cat Noir smiles at her for a moment before he leaves too)

Ladybug tells Chat Noir that she has plans with friends, Chat Noir still insists that she comes if her plans end early. Ladybug never says yes to him nor does she confirm she will show up while he says he'll be waiting.

Alya, Nino, Marinette, and Adrien were planning on having a date together, Adrien lies to his friends and tells them that his father said he couldn't go. Actively upsetting them and ruining their date, because 'Oh! Poor Adrien couldn't make it!. The thing is-

Adrien could have made it.

He himself, chose not to.

He didn't even inform his father about going out with friends.

Adrien never mentions going out with friends to Gabriel. He never tells Nathalie nor the Gorilla anything just so he could prepare a date with Ladybug, who also never confirmed she was going on the date.

[Next transcript is very important to read]

(Adrien sighs before he takes out his phone to text Nino. He then checks the time)

Nathalie: There's no point in waiting for your father, Adrien. He'll be eating in his office.

Adrien: (stands up from his chair, quietly angry) Then what's the point of keeping me here if he's never gonna show up, Nathalie? (walks away to go to his room)

Nathalie: Don't forget to practice your piano before you go to bed.

He doesn't tell Nathalie or Gabriel. He tells Nino that he won't be able to make it because his father wouldn't allow him to, yet Adrien didn't even see Gabriel because he was in his office the entire time.

Scene: Adrien's room.

Plagg: You could've at least grabbed the piece of Camembert on that platter!

Adrien: (tosses a piece of Camembert to Plagg and he catches it) Fuel up, Plagg. (He turns on some piano music from his phone. He then places the phone on top of the real piano) Adrien may not be allowed out of the house, but Cat Noir is!

Adrien's off to his date with Ladybug, which she never agreed that she would come, lying to his friends and telling them that his father wouldn't let him go out with them.

Plagg: You seem in a hurry to get stood up.

Adrien: She didn't say she wasn't coming.

Plagg: But she didn't say she was either!

This is also important to take in mind, it doesn't matter if she didn't say wasn't coming, she also didn't say she was coming like Plagg said. She told him she had plans with her friends.

Scene: Trocadéro. Marinette meets up with her friends

Marinette: Hey, Alya!

Alya: Hey, Marinette! (Both she and Marinette kisses each other's cheeks)

Marinette: Where's Adrien?

Alya: Don't get upset, okay? But Nino just got a text. Adrien's dad isn't letting him go out.

Again, Adrien tells Nino his dad won't let him go out. Lying and upsetting his friends, which automatically makes them feel bad because they're poor friend can't come out with them.

Marinette: Once again...

Nino: Yo, Marinette!

Ivan: What's up, M?

Mylène: How are you, Marinette?

Marinette: I'm fine. Thanks. Hehe. So, do you know where André is today?

Later in the episode, they have patrol

And this is what Chat Noir says to Ladybug

Ladybug: Hello, Kitty. Did the bad guys leave you cold?

Cat Noir: (harsh and enraged) How was your amazing evening with your "friends"?

(Ladybug looks confused at Cat Noir, shocked by her partner's harsh words. But she gasps when she hears Glaciator's voice.)

He gets passive aggressive and sarcastic with her. He's angry because she didn't show up to a date she never agreed to going on.

[Transcript]

Ladybug: Are you mad at me because I didn't show up?

Cat Noir: (furious) What do you think?

Ladybug: I didn't mean to hurt you.

(Glaciator jumps over them and continues walking. Ladybug and Cat Noir take shelter behind a car)

Cat Noir: And I also had a surprise for you, too!

Ladybug: I really am sorry.

Cat Noir: No... I'm the one who's sorry. Maybe another time.

Ladybug feels bad for not showing up. Ladybug shouldn't have to apologize for not showing up. She never agreed to going on the date and Chat Noir knows that. He knows she had plans with her friends and guilts her because apparently she didn't show up to a date she never intended on going on. While he was the one who gave her the cold shoulder the entire time they were fighting off Glaciator and acted like a 5 year old child.

The blatant manipulation

Chat Noir guilts Ladybug because she didn't show up to a date she never agreed that she would go on. Resulting in her feeling bad and apologizing to him as if she said she'll go. She never confirms she'll make it. She tells him she has plans with friends and they'll see. That doesn't equate to yes. Adrien lies to his friends and tells them he won't be able to make it because his father wouldn't let him go out, meanwhile Adrien never tells Gabriel anything about going out with friends.

In Syren

Adrien gets tired of all the secrets Ladybug had to keep from him and threatens to quit. Blackmailing Plagg threatening to quit as a superhero if Plagg doesn't tell him what secret Ladybug's been hiding from him.

[Transcript]

Adrien: (imitating Ladybug) Hey, Cat Noir, do you trust me? (as himself) Sure, Ladybug; do you trust me, too? (as Ladybug) Are you kidding? I will never trust you! Ha ha ha ha! (normally, to Plagg) You must know what Ladybug's hiding from me, Plagg.

Plagg: I'm just a kwami, Adrien, and we kwamis have a right to remain silent.

Adrien: Pity. (gets out his phone) Just when I was about to order you some very tasty cheese. Have you ever sampled La Trappe d'Échourgnac? It says here it tastes like walnuts.

Plagg: (swallows some Camembert) I can't be swayed, sorry.

He bribes Plagg with cheese to get information out of him about Ladybug

Cat Noir: Wait! Where're you going?

Ladybug: (hesitantly) I can't.

Cat Noir: (disappointedly) Say anything. Yeah, I know. But we are a team, aren't we? (turns away from Ladybug) I'm tired of all these secrets.

Ladybug: I'm sorry. It's not exactly easy for me either, trust me. (she leaps away while Cat Noir turns to see her leaving him)

(Cat Noir sits down on the roof to wait for Ladybug to return.)

He himself admits that he knows she can't tell him anything. He knows she's under restrictions and he pulls this.

Cat Noir: This is so dumb! (stands up) Claws in. (detransforms)

Plagg: (groans) What's taking her so long? (Adrien holds up his hands to Plagg, and starts to pull off his ring a little bit) Whoa, easy! W-What are you doing?!

Adrien: (grimly) If you don't tell me what Ladybug is hiding from me, I'm done!

Plagg: You can't do that!

Adrien: (bitterly) Why not? No one'll know if I quit. No one'll care!

Plagg: I will!

He blackmails Plagg, and threatens to let millions of people drown just because he wants to know a secret he isn't worthy of knowing.

[Transcript for Frozer]

In Frozer he gets rejected for the hundredth time

Ladyice: Cat Noir. We need to set up a trap for whoever turned the city into a giant ice rink. (throws yo-yo)

Icecat: (bitterly) My feline instincts prefer to track and observe before I attack. You go your way, I'll go mine.

Ladyice: Please don't tell me you're mad at me about the rose.

Icecat: There may be a certain chill now between us.

Ladyice: I get it, but we should really focus on saving Paris

Icecat: We don't always have to do everything together, after all. It's not like we're a couple. (skates away)

Ladyice: Cat Noir, don't get all pouty on me! (groans and takes off on her yo-yo)

(Ladyice and Icecat separately search for Frozer)

Icecat: (notices Frozer's skate marks on the ice) This way.

Ladyice: I need to set a trap, but what could I use as bait? (while Ladyice thinks, Frozer prepares to sneak up behind her, but Icecat spots him attempting to do so and pulls Ladyice out of harm's way)

Ladyice: Thanks, Kitty.

(Icecat winks)

Once again, he makes her feel guilty for turning him down for the millionth time in a row as if he doesn't know she's in love with someone else. Acting like an asshole the entire time they fight off Frozer.

In Copyat, Chat Noir arrives at a ceremony.

Scene: The Place des Vosges. The ceremony has just ended.

Cat Noir: These statues are amazing. One thing's slightly off though— I'm actually taller than Ladybug.

Théo: Ladybug didn't show up. I just wanted to express my adoration for her. Let her know that everything I had went into her statue. I'm sure if she took a little time to get to know me, she would see how much we have in common. Our devotion to the things we love.

Cat Noir: Hey, don't mean to burst your bubble, but you know, Ladybug and me, we're a thing, you know?

Théo: Really?

Cat Noir: Yeah, we're like this. (crosses his fingers)

Théo: (growls; walks away angrily) What does Ladybug see in him?

He lies to Theo about the relationship he has with Ladybug leaving Theo angry causing him to become akumatized.

Cat Noir: Better help the fellow out. His crush just got crushed. (under his breath, as he leaves) That makes two of us.

Théo: Ugh... What am I doing here? Ladybug?

Ladybug: I'm sorry I couldn't make it this morning, Théo.

Théo: Can you autograph it for me?

Ladybug: Of course I can! You've got some real artistry here. You've really captured my essence.

Théo: Thank you, Ladybug. And don't worry. I know about you and Cat Noir. It's okay.

Ladybug: Huh?

Ladybug is left to apologize to Theo and deal with the rest. Theo tells her not to worry, he knows about her and Chat Noir to which she reacts with utter confusion. Chat Noir lied to Theo, causing his akumatization not even facing consequences at the end nor apologizing to Theo, instead Marinette does all the work while being left confused.

Adrien is a lying, manipulative, and conniving person. He has manipulated his friends, Plagg, and Marinette. This is not okay

And the writers portray it to be while making Marinette look bad

[cristophynn]

the coffee shop — chapter one

summary: it all started out when satan decided to take on a part-time job in a café near his place. by how things played out, he thought that maybe the two of you weren't meant to be and that you were just a dumb high school crush everyone has. fate had other plans, though, and he was sure as hell that it wasn't a dumb crush anymore.

pairing: satan/reader

warnings/tags: underage drinking, implied/referenced child abuse, family drama, mutual pining, ANGST

author's note: again, this has a lot of angst,,, on the bright side, this series has a happy ending! this is an au where everyone is human and reader has they/them pronouns. <3

ao3 work: the coffee shop.

It was already turning seven in the morning when the blonde was walking to school like usual. He shivered a bit when a gush of cold wind hit his face, and he audibly cursed at the air and temperature. Being in the coldest city in Japan, he should be used to this — but he still wasn't. He preferred to beginning of the school year and he was already tired of it, especially when he had to walk around school and neighborhood only to become known as Mammon's delinquent brother.

He was known for being arrested a month ago due to underage drinking just before the previous school year ended, including his whole group of friends. People were scared of him — maybe because of his evident scowl that never left his face. The rumor about him didn't help either, and even if Mammon cleared them up and denied it, people didn't want to believe it. Eventually, he just ended up telling his older brother to not mind those rumors. Besides, the one who spread those came up with the most bizarre rumors, and people ended up believing them just because they didn't like him. All of it was absurd, such as he was the leader of a gang, or he secretly had a job on producing drugs. There was even a rumor about him being sent to a juvenile detention center, for fuck's sake. He had to walk around and listen to people constantly talking shit to others about him being such an asshole despite being rich, and the next reply would always be something about why he couldn't be like his older brothers or sister.

It was true that the youngest child of the Samael Family was a person who was hot-headed and cussed at everyone. He drank a lot and rebelled against his family. Satan never smiled at anyone, except when he was looking at cats or when he was talking to his friends. He hung out with a group of assholes and jocks, and he sneaks out at night to go to parties. He was quick to anger and didn't hesitate to snap back to anyone. He was, admittedly, the child who had the most issues in their family, but did Satan Samael give a fuck? Not at all. He knew all too well that even if he was a mess, he was still a nice kid and the smartest one out of all of them.

If he were to boast about it, he was the only one who wanted to take up a course related to medicine, which was basically a dream come true to his mother who he cherished oh so much. He had straight A's despite skipping classes at times, and he always answered well when he was made to recite. He tried to not worry his mother too much and always made her favorite meal whenever they were doing their reading sessions together. He bought a lot of books for them to read and researched a lot. He went to animal shelters often just to donate money and other animal needs. His inner gentleman was hidden away, but it always shows up whenever there was someone who treated him nicely. Since Lilith went to a different school (a prestigious music school), he insisted on walking to school alone instead of riding one of their cars for many different reasons and knew how to defend himself just in case. He even insisted going to school in a public school ever since he was in middle school so it wouldn't be a hassle to get there compared to his other siblings (who went to private schools all their lives). His brothers and his only sister all went to the other side of town to get to their own destination, and he was the one left alone. Satan was a nice kid behind that stone cold wall of wrath, and only his family knew about it.

He was on that street by that café he always passed by and didn't pass a single glance at it, but he couldn't help but actually look at it properly when he saw through his peripheral vision someone who looked around his age wiping at the window. Two signs were hung on the door and one of them read 'open' in capital letters, while the other read that they were looking for a part-time worker. He figured that the person worked part-time there. He contemplated for a bit as he watched you wipe down on the windows. Well, he was planning on skipping classes, so working and applying in that café might be better. Without hesitating, he approached the barista and stood next to you, immediately saying, "You're accepting part timers?"

Satan felt guilty afterwards when he saw how you were obviously taken by surprise, judging by the look on your face and how you were gripping your uniform so tightly. "Oh my fucking god—" You huffed before taking in his appearance. He watched as you eyed him for a bit, particularly just scanning (read: taking a good look) at his face for a few moments, before smiling wide and taking your hand away from the window, the rag still in your hand. There seemed to be a look of realization that was glinting in your eyes. "Oh, hey! I know you!" There it was. He figured that you would end up saying that, but not with that smile. He knows that you'll end up saying that he's Mammon's brother or that juvenile delinquent or that underage drinker or that blon—

"Of course we are! Satan, right?" 

Wait, what?

"Oh." That was all he could manage to mutter out after that statement. A few seconds of something in between peaceful and awkward silence was shared between the two of you, your smile never faltering for even a bit. He cleared his throat and spoke up once more. "Yeah. How did you know?"

The laughter that bubbled from your throat was a different feeling. He's never met someone who was all smiley and nice before, and he certainly has never met someone who didn't know him from stories or rumors about him being total jackass before. "My cousin from my mother side goes to the same fine arts university that your brothers go to and he specialises in dance." You explained as you laid your hand back on the window, going back to wiping and making sure it was spotless. "They went over a few days ago to work on a group project and your brothers told us about the whole family. It was mostly Beel, though, while Belphie slept and added some rather negative side remarks. Also, hey, do you think you could wipe that top portion for me? It's usually uncle who does this, but he's sick." You looked back at him, and he didn't hesitate to take the rag for you and wipe down on the area you couldn't reach.

"You live with your cousins?" Satan asked as he continued wiping as you went behind him to take the backpack hanging by one of his shoulders, and when he felt your hands by the straps of his bag, he let you take it to he could comfortably clean. "Also, what did they say about me?" He asked with his head turning a bit to take look at you, and you gave him a gentle grin as you held his heavy backpack close to your chest. Actually, heavy was a fucking understatement. It awed you how he had to walk to school and walk back home with this heavy backpack, because he looked thin and didn't really look like he would be able to lift up that heavy of a bag.

"Yeah, I studied too early and got accelerated when I was in 7th grade, but I didn't want to go to college early so I went to Japan to work for a bit and make some money." You answered his first question as he handed back the rag towards you in the middle of your sentence and took back his bag from you. You were walking back inside, and before you could open the door to the café, he was fast enough to hold it open for you to go in. "Beel said that you were favored by your mom, and that you were absolutely smart. Belphie said that you were an asshole, but I didn't really want to believe that." You smiled wide as you stepped inside and waited for him to enter, leading him to the employee's supply room that had shelves for storage. Satan felt the warm air that came from the heater hit his body, and he sighed in relief as he freely took off his winter coat. 

"Why so? What makes you sure that I'm not one?" He asked once again with a raised eyebrow, setting his bag down by one of the shelves and hanging his coat by the coat rack in the supply room. He stood there and watched you go through a box full of aprons with the café's logo on it.

With that bright grin of yours that never seemed to leave your face, you had an apron in hand and gave it to him, mentally hoping that the apron you gave him was the right size. He hesitated for a few seconds before deciding to finally slip off his blazer and remove his necktie with the RAD school logo. He then placed the apron neatly on top of his white dress shirt. "Well, I know for a fact that you're your mother's favorite. I don't think you'll be her favorite if you weren't nice. You wouldn't be here either if you weren't someone nice." You stated and reached up a hand to give his shoulder a light pat, before turning around to go back outside. 

Satan stood still, unmoving and shocked by the sudden skin contact, and he was left alone in the supply room. It was only when you yelled for him to come out that he snapped out of his trance, and with a genuine smile gracing his features, he stepped out of the dark room to start his first day of his part-time job.

"I'm home." Satan spoke as he entered the large mansion that they considered as their home. It was unusual for him to come home early, and even the guard who was on his shift was surprised to see him already home. His personal butler, who was in the middle of drinking tea and reading a book that he recently bought in the lounge room, was the first one to greet the blonde man.

"You're home already? Your school ends at 3:15, and you usually hang out with your friends until 8, right?" Azazel asked with a small smile at the sight of the boy he took care of since he was practically in diapers. He was like the son he could never have, of course, since he was way too content with his work to be thinking of having a family. "Did you even go to school?"

Azazel grew up in a decent family with an adoptive younger sister named Akuma, who was younger than him by ten years. He had just the perfect shade of baby pink hair and had the softest, burgundy-colored eyes. It was all complimented by his pale skin that was as soft as a baby's bum, and he had an average build and height. Add all those together, and he was an actual carbon copy of his mother. Their parents were unfortunately unable to provide for their needs anymore, and Azazel had to stop studying in the middle of his second year of college at the fresh age of 19 due to the lack of income. So, he ended up dropping out and decided to start working for his family, not wanting the lack of money to ruin his younger sister's dream of becoming an anesthesiologist. He was lucky enough that Barbatos, one of his close cousins, were able to refer him to a job without a college degree. He was lucky enough to get accepted right away, since the man's wife was weeks away from giving birth. After she gave birth, out came Satan and he was assigned to be his personal butler. He basically raised him alongside Mrs. Samael, more often than the boss of the house did.

Satan scoffed as he slipped off his shoes and neatly placed it on his own shoe shelf by the wall. There were times that he envied his brothers by the amount of luxuries and expensive presents that they got from families. Their personal shoe shelves were all filled to the brim, while the shoe shelf that was under his name only filled three shelves out of ten. He knew he wasn't the most decent member of the family, and that he shouldn't even care about it, but he couldn't help it. It was hard to not feel guilty for his birth or envious of his brothers whenever he remembers that he was the unplanned child, the problem kid, and the boy full of nothing but wrath. It was hard not to remember it when he remembered that the bedroom he had right now didn't exist in the first place and was just two regular guest rooms who had the wall between them taken last minute.

"Come to my room then, Azazel. I'll tell you all about my day today." Satan answered with a small grin at his father-like figure before making his way up to his room. Closing the book in his hand after marking the page where he left off, he placed the hard-covered material on the rather large coffee table next to his cup of tea and wasted no time in following his young master.

After the long flight of stairs up to his room, Satan was already comfortable in the presence of his private space. It was a room of his dreams, really, something you would see in castles based off the countless novels he read— a large window was directly across the room from his door with a built in, window-nook, king size bed of the same length. His room was rather spacious and everything was neat. Just beside the door was a clothes rack where hung his pyjamas and other clean clothes that he regularly wears (because he never sweats for some god-awful reason). On the left size of the room was a large bookshelf that was built into the wall and was almost full of books, with only a few shelves remaining. A cozy-looking sectional couch was there, along with a large coffee table in front of it and a mini refrigerator to the side. There was a smart television in front of the couch just by the wall beside the door, and it was completed with a small table that was just framed pictures, awards, and medals. The right side of the room was near where the bed ended. There was a large study desk where two Mac Pros were placed on, and just underneath that was where he usually placed his school bags. There were two doors, one that led to his own bathroom and another that led to his walk-in closet. His room was mostly white and dark green themed, so his inner slytherin beneath his ravenclaw demeanor was rather pleased.

"So? Where were you off to today that you decided to skip school?" Azazel asked with a chuckle, freely making his way over to the dark green couch and comfortably taking a seat on the soft cushions. His slanted eyes were turned into crescents when he smiled, and his burgundy irises never failed to glint with happiness towards the boy who he practically raised.

Satan couldn't help but let out a laugh as he walked over to the study desk he had by the corner and set his backpack down on the seat. That's only when Azazel had realized that Satan was only wearing the white, long-sleeved dress shirt that was part of his school's uniform, and that the dark blue blazer and yellow necktie with the words RAD was nowhere to be found. A few moments, Satan had pulled out a dark brown apron that was just about his size and gave his butler a big smile. "I got a part-time job at this café that I passed by all the time just earlier." He said, throwing over the apron to his butler, who only caught it and checked the logo of the café. "I decided that I'll work for around 5 hours on the weekdays and 7 hours on the weekends. I'll just have to work after school, so I'll have to be finished around 8 or 9 probably."

"Dreamland Café." He looked up after reading the logo that was printed in white lettering. He handed back Satan the apron by tossing it in the same way, and the teenager swiftly caught it before placing it back neatly inside his backpack. "So, you won't be drinking anymore? What got you into this, anyway?"

"What kind of question is that? Of course I'd still drink." Satan rolled his eyes as if he had just heard the most bizarre thing ever whilst walking over to the clothes rack and unbuttoning his dress shirt to change out of his clothes. Without hesitating, he took off his dress shirt and changed into his dark green oversized tank top. "There was a barista wiping the windows and they couldn't reach it. Foreign, but they spoke in really good Japanese. The café was hiring part-time, and I'd really stay outside rather than see father's face."

Azazel only laughed at his statement. He was used to his antics already, and honestly, the part time job was just one of his mild ones, so he didn't mind it. He always sided and defended Satan no matter what, because he obviously needed that. Ever since Satan was a child, he hated his old man. Actually, the word hate was an understatement for his feelings towards that ghy. He despised him and was disgusted at everything he does. He always wanted to smack a punch on his pretty little smirk. He talked shit about him and couldn't stand him, even when all that Lucifer did was just breathe in his direction.

"Just don't let your father find out then. You know how he'll react." The butler stood up, adjusting his necktie a bit before making his way to the door and gently taking hold of the knob. "I suggest telling your mother though. She might want to know about this, especially when she finds out you're leaving on weekends."

That's where Satan found himself regularly ditching his friends' hangouts and stopped drinking regularly everyday for the past two months. He was always looking forward to the time he would make it to the café, and even went to the extent of buying himself an electric bike just to get to the café faster (which he will never admit to you that he did, but you already knew it). He had to admit, he grew fond of you and the little family he formed with the café owners. He started to enjoy just talking about random things and laughing all the time while he did his homeworks. He was just the person who usually took people's orders, which was why he was able to finish his homeworks earlier compared to the times he stayed out drinking. After his shifts, he would stay and have dinner with you and the family, most of which was home cooked meals that he rarely had since he used to just eat junk food.

He couldn't care less about his salary, really. His first paycheck was something he was shocked at (and him mentally asking, "how can someone who lacks so much money be so generous?"), and so he specifically asked for the minimum wage and only asked to count in for 3 hours everyday. When he requested for that, of course your aunt was hesitant about accepting that request, but Satan just kept insisting and even told her how he didn't need the money. He really just wanted to spend his time somewhere else, and that explanation was enough for your aunt to agree and just go with the decision he asked for. So, every 23rd of the month, he gets a paycheck of ¥58000 to ¥60000.

By the time summer vacation started, he had already changed his wallpaper on his desktop to one specific group picture of the people he got close to— your aunt and uncle was on each side with big smiles on their faces, your two cousins and their spouses were at the back and what seemed to be laughing in the background, your niece and nephew was right at the front and playing around without noticing the camera shot, your cousin that was still in college was laying on the floor and doing an attempt of his embarrassingly sexy french girl pose, while you and Satan were right in the middle of the picture with a content smile on your faces. It would never make his heart flutter, and he even went to print out the picture and have it framed to add it to the collection of pictures in his room. His phone's wallpaper, on the other hand, was a selfie that you secretly took. He didn't know when that picture was taken, but he was surprised to find that (along with about more than 30 selfies) while he was scrolling through his gallery to find the picture of the history lecture that was written on the board.

He found himself already too attached to the whole bunch of people he met, especially you. He found himself laughing and smiling more, or even taking care of your niece and nephew along with their pet cat at some days. It was like he was part of a family that genuinely cared and loved for each other despite not being as wealthy as them. He loved his family, as much as he hated to admit it, but he just loved spending more time at the café since it was fun. There was this warmth that he always had in this chest whenever he spent his time there. So when the days passed and he realized that it was already July, he was thrilled. Sure, it's where he finally gets to ditch the thick uniforms and long-sleeved outfits for the winter that their school provides, and finally wear the short-sleeved dress shirt without the stupid necktie or the blazer. He was mostly looking forward to the promise he made about working for 8 hours during the weekdays and staying at home on the weekends to do his homeworks all day during summer vacation.

There were times when he zoned out for a few minutes just looking through those selfies you took on his phone, and he didn't even realize that he already had a folder specifically just for your pictures and named it as eyebleach just for him to stare at. One weekend, he was suddenly panicking and letting out loud screeches. He went as far as cursing at himself too loudly that it could be heard by the whole floor (which mainly just consisted of the family's bedrooms), and when Levi came to check up on him out of worry and annoyance since he couldn't focus on the codes he was typing into his desktop, Satan was already under his blankets and red-faced. He thought he could sleep it off and that he'd wake up without the butterflies, but when he checked his phone to look at the time and see that you were calling him at three in the morning, he suddenly felt his heart flutter even more and his face warm up at the idea of talking to you late at night. And, that's when he confirmed to himself that he really was starting to take a shine towards you.

The first one of his siblings who found out about his wallpaper and insane crush on you was Asmo, and Satan literally had to beg and cry about how his older brother couldn't tell it to anyone. Asmo could only laugh and just agree with it. Despite Asmo's being curious on who the heck you were and how you two met, he decided to not let his curiosity get the best of him and continue on with his work. Lilith was the next one to find out, and she literally squealed and just asked Satan for more information about you, but Satan just stood his ground and stayed silent even after his older sister practically whined and continuously hit him with cushions and pillows. If Mammon or Levi finds out, he'd be exposed for sure. Levi would be whining about how it wasn't fair that he was seeing someone at his age and that he'd be the first one to get laid (and not just be in a one night stand or a regular hookup), while Mammon would be constantly teasing him and giving him weird nicknames. Although he seemed like he wouldn't be the type to do that, Lucifer would ask him everyday about you and possibly meet up with you, giving a request to date him or marry him in the future all while going on about how Satan was in love with you, which was annoying because Lucifer gets on his nerves a lot. Beel and Belphie are the only ones who are the most sane, since Beel would just smile and nod before going back to eating his food, while Belphie would just brush him off and go back to getting his sleep.

(Belphie knew about his crush on you though, and he didn't know how that happened or where he met you, but he just happened to find out about it. He just didn't bother Satan about it.)

Currently, he was in the café and had just finished taking orders from the surprisingly long line of customers. He was seated on one of the seats that were near the counter and was in the middle of reading a new book that he bought earlier while he was shopping for the list of ingredients and supplies that your aunt asked him to buy in the nearest mall. It was a story about a ghost woman who came back from the dead after five years and was given 49 days to take back her place into being her husband's wife and her five-year-old daughter's mother, except her husband already remarried and that her daughter thinks that her step-mom was her real mom. It was a really good book, and he ended up shedding a few tears (read: a bucket of tears) while he was reading the first chapter of the story. He was reading the second chapter of the story and was already at the part where Yuri, the ghost mom, was finally able to hold her daughter and hug her after coming back from the dead and was just about to shed a few tears until he heard a car pull up into a park from outside. He paused his reading session and looked up, before choking on his breath upon seeing the familiar sight of his two eldest brothers and their personal butlers come out of the car.

"Shit. This is bad." He cursed under his breath before hurriedly using a clean piece of tissue as his bookmark and closing it, placing it beside the cash register and rushing off to where you sat. You were just in the middle of eating one of the freshly-made glazed doughnuts when the handsome blonde approached you with a panicked look on his face. He was in such a panic that you couldn't help but panic along with him, standing up in a hurry and placing the doughnut down and waiting for him to speak up. "My older brothers are here. I don't think they'll like it when they find out I work here. Let's exchange spots real quick, please?"

Your eyes gazed over to the glass windows and door quickly and took a look at the four men walking over to the entrance. Without hesitation, you swallowed down the doughnut you were chewing and nodded before making your way over to the counter while wiping the crumbs off your face with your sleeve. You turned your head a bit, only to see Satan taking his black face mask out from the apron's pocket and placing it on his face. You took off your bucket hat that was on your head to toss it at him, and you held back a laugh when you saw him struggling a bit as it fell to the ground. The sound of the bell ringing from the door opening made you turn around to the entrance, while Satan was quick to crouch and pick up the accessory to wear it and hide his face from his brothers. Two men— one who had pale skin and rich black hair, and another who had actual white hair and taupe brown skin urged two men to sit on a table, despite their protests. A bright grin was on your face in an instant and greeted them as they approached, "Good afternoon, welcome to Dreamland Café. May I take your order?"

You were waiting patiently as they read through the large menu that was on the wall just beside the counter, and you even stole a glance behind you to check on Satan. He was scrolling through his phone and seated where you were previously sitting. His half-assed disguise really was clever, since his hair wasn't visible from the front due to the bucket hat's brim that was wide enough to cover his face from the side, and his face mask would cover his face if he faces the front. You turned back to look at the two men who were now staring at you. "We'll have one iced americano, two cups of earl gray tea, and one iced caramel macchiato." Lucifer stated his order as he reached into his back pocket and took out his wallet.

"Is that all?" You asked as you started pressing the specified drinks that were stated on the cashier's monitor. You heard another voice speak up soon after, which you looked up to smile at them politely.

"Oh, get me two strawberry waffles! One for me, and one for my butler." Mammon was grinning wide, and you chuckled before nodding.

You pressed over to the buttons that contained the additional desserts said before totalling it all, repeating the names of their orders to clear it up. "One iced americano, two cups of earl gray tea, an iced caramel macchiato, and two strawberry waffles— The total will be ¥3000." Lucifer nodded and handed over a banknote of ¥5000, and you took the said bill from the man and opened up the cash register. "Please tell me your name as we will be calling out your name for you to be able to collect your order." The noisy sound of the bill printing was heard, and just when you were about to take two bills of ¥1000 in the cash register, his next statement was enough to stop you in your movements.

"The order is for Lucifer. Also, please just keep the change. I don't mind at all." The elegant man gave you a polite grin, and the sound of his deep chuckle was heard from him. Without another word, the two men walked away to their table and continued discussing their personal matters.

Behind you, Satan was listening to the small interaction between you and his older brothers. His hands were clenched into a fist and his teeth were gritting, yet he held back so that he would avoid breaking something. He'll just have to drink this away later.

"Why are you so mad?" You asked him, and you could feel him stiffen underneath your touch. His hard gaze didn't waver, though, but you could see a faint rosy pink starting to dust his cheeks.

Satan was rushing to get out of the café the moment his shift ended. "Where are you going?" You asked with a frown on your face, and you felt your heart ache badly when he didn't pay no mind to answer your question. Without hesitating, you stood up from your place and followed him out as fast as you could. You were already by Satan's electric bike when you were able to catch up to him, so you gently took hold of his wrist. "Hey, look at me, won't you?" You said with frustration evident in your voice, and when he finally decided to meet your eyes, you saw how dark his expression was. He was stiff, his eyes were dark, and it was evident that he was gritting his teeth. You knew how little his patience was, that is after witnessing him getting mad at a drunk customer who was rude to your aunt, and it really did take a while for him to calm down. He was someone who held grudges for a long time, and he was someone who got irritated easily.

"Why are you so mad?" You asked him, and you could feel him stiffen underneath your touch. His hard gaze didn't waver, though, but you could see a faint rosy pink starting to dust his cheeks.

"It's nothing. I'm just going out for a drink." Satan answered with an evident pout on his face, his eyes softening after a few moments and moving his gaze away from you. He wants to look somewhere— anywhere else but you, because he's sure that he'll turn into a blushing mess in front of you. His brows were furrowed while his cheeks were a bit puffed out, and it reminded you of a little kid whose mom didn't buy their favorite toy. Just when you were about to reply, his gaze hardened once more and that blush was gone. "Just stay here. Don't worry about it."

Satan was secretive of emotions. He hardly showed how he was feeling, and nobody could tell what he was thinking or what his true intentions were behind the usual coy smile on his lips, and even behind the scowl he used to wear on his face. Truth being told, he was jealous. He had zero intention of letting the rest of his brothers know of his little crush on you or his part-time job in this café that deserved the title as his second home. But, the fact that said brothers decided to have a snack at the café he works at, and that it was Lucifer out of the five of them, just enraged him. The sight of his older brother being all goody-goody and all smiley with you at the cash register made his blood boil.

He was the exact opposite of his older sister. He was the actual personification of wrath in a rebellious teenage boy's body, going against his father's every will and having to go through the pain of getting compared to her everyday. They were actual carbon copies of each other— blonde hair that was parted on the same side, and the same gradient of blue and light green eyes that became a beautiful shade of teal in the middle when the two colors met. Except, she was the definition of a teenage girl who was far more patient than her younger brother and favored by their demon of a father. He loved his sister, really, but what he didn't love was the constant comparison and the shame their father puts on him ever since he could remember, the youngest of the Samael family.

That led to his impatience and the constant feeling of being annoyed by everything. He became unable to hold back his anger at anything that gets him going, and it caused him to rebel against his father's wishes because he was always happy when his father was disappointed. Pushing his buttons was something he enjoyed doing, and the comparison didn't even phase him in the slightest anymore. Lucifer, on the other hand, was a different story. He loved Lucifer as much as he hated to admit it. His eldest brother (and Azazel) became more of his father than their actual old man will ever be— and Satan was thankful for it. He was just pissed because Lucifer was the person that he could talk to a lot of matters about, and just the sight of Lucifer talking to you just made him jealous.

His jealousy led to where he was at minutes ago— drunk after having several bottles of whiskey and asleep on one of the tables. He drunk-called Asmodeus, full and having finished two bowls of oden, and honestly people watching him were absolutely curious on how the hell he was still able to use his handphone. He was picked up by a worried Asmodeus and his frustrated boyfriend, Solomon, who Satan met on several occasions. He was supposed to call in his butler, but Azazel was too sweet of a man and Satan didn't want to bother him. Moments later, though, he found himself already drunk calling you before they could notice. The sound of his drunk greeting and hiccups made you almost think it wasn't him, until the dots in your head connected and it all made sense to you now.

"And you told me that I shouldn't be worried." You groaned out in frustration at the drunk blonde's voice. He called you in the middle of your sleep, and just the sound of his drunken slurs were enough to prevent you from getting cranky. If you could listen closely, there were car honkings that were heard in the background, followed by a string of curses that didn't exactly sound like Satan. "Where the hell are you?"

On the other line, you could hear Satan letting out drunken giggles. "MC!! Your—" A hiccup. "Your highness—!! I am… Inside— Asmodeus, my dearest big brother's car!! I have come to rescue you from the… Big mean dragon!!" He slurred out, and let out another hiccup, and you swore you could hear a thud and the voice, who was cursing earlier, yell at him in the background.

You chuckled a bit, and before you could even reply, there was the sound of what you could describe as wind blowing or something and Satan's loud whining, before a cheerful voice came in the background. "Oooh, so you're MC?" The voice said, before letting out a soft giggle. "You see, our youngest one here is quite drunk at the moment, and he rolled off the backseat when the car stopped." He explained, which you realized what might have been the loud thud earlier. "Well, Satan will talk to you tomorrow! Get some rest, and I apologize for waking you up! Goodnight!"

That was the end of the conversation before the call was dropped, leaving you laying on the bed and staring at the ceiling. You knew he got drunk often, based on what you heard from the twins, but you certainly didn't expect that he'd end up drunk calling you today. You couldn't help but let out a chuckle at the thought of him slurring and rolling off the backseat, and that imagination was just enough to make you drift off back to sleep with a small smile on your face.

Time passed by like a breeze, and soon, it was already December. Of course, the weather in Otaru City falls dramatically low in this season and it would make you feel like you were in a damn freezer, which explained the turning off for the air conditioning of the café and to turn on the heaters. It was the 23rd of December. The snow was slowly starting to fall and make the whole temperature colder than usual, and the thick Christmas sweater you were wearing definitely didn't help the current situation. There were a lot of customers in the café, sipping away on their hot drinks and having dates with their friends or lovers. Just watching them interact made you feel lonely already, because it was a fucking cuddle weather and somebody (read: Satan) wasn't there to cuddle you.

So there you were, waiting like Juliet by the counter and sulking as you checked the time every so often. You were getting impatient by the minute, and by the time it was already 3:15, you kept looking up at the door only to be met with disappointment when it wasn't Satan who arrived. After a countless cycle of expecting and being disappointed for what felt like hours, Satan finally arrived ten minutes after 4, panting and sweating a bit despite the cold weather. You could only let out an amusing laugh at the sight of his tired face, and he couldn't help but give an amused smile at the sight of you. You didn't care about the number of customers at the moment and chose to rush up to the blonde boy, who was still panting by the doorway in his thick blazer and winter coat that you knew he hated with a passion. "You seem like you were rushing to get here." You chuckled as you took off his heavy bag for him, and he instantly took off his winter coat along with his blazer, holding them in one hand.

Satan nodded with a grin, smiling wide as he held the door open for you and let you step out first. "Alright. It already sounds delicious, but what else do I expect from the best chefs in Hokkaido?" He chuckled and closed the door behind him once the both of you were outside, going ahead to take his place on the counter and sit on the high stool.

"Well, just sit your good-looking ass on that stool and wait. I'll brew you some Earl Grey and prepare a plate from the best chefs in Hokkaido to give you an early taste of the menu." You laughed as you teased him, and you could see the tip of his ears visibly flush red at the first sentence. You then headed towards the kitchen where the rest of the family usually stays. Before you could enter, though, you heard him yell out to you about making it cold brewed, to which you yelled back in understanding.

He took off his tie and managed to utter out a response through his pants. "I was." He gave a nod, and he followed your steps as you started to make your way to the counter. "I needed the heater in this café. It's freezing, and the school's heater wasn't warm enough." He said by the time he finally was able to catch his breath, retrieving his school bag from you and taking his apron from inside, sighing softly. "I suppose biking too fast made me dizzy and hungry. I didn't want snow to fall on me either."

"Yeah. The weather says that the first snowfall was supposed to happen around 5, though, so you're in luck to get here early." You smiled as you placed his bag down on the shelf, watching as he combed through his hair and wiped the small beads of sweat trailing down his face with his handkerchief. "You can have a plate of aunt's new garlic bread recipe and uncle's new sardine pasta. They're not really part of the menu yet and we plan on adding them on Christmas, but you can have them first while you rest up."

Satan was patiently waiting by the counter and taking orders from customers who came in, and he just listened to the speakers that were blaring out classical music. His favorite in Vivaldi's Four Seasons Concerti was playing at the moment, which was the third movement of his winter concerto. He always enjoyed listening to classical music, and it was definitely the best genre in his opinion. Of course, there were times that he wished that he continued taking his piano lessons when he was younger so he would be able to play it like the ones he listened to, but what could he do about it? He ran off from piano lessons every time until the teacher became sick of it, leaving the poor instrument collecting dust in one room that nobody really uses anymore.

By the time you came out of the kitchen, it was already quarter to five, and Satan had finished two bottles of water already. The scent of the freshly cooked pastry and pasta was enough to make his mouth water, and he turned around to see that he was bringing you a tray of the unreleased menu dishes and a small jug of cold-brewed earl grey tea. With that oh-so-familiar bright smile on your face that he grew to love over the months, you approached him and set the tray in front of him. He just kept staring at your face, and your next words cut him out of his trance. "Go on, try it! I promise you, you'll like it!" You urged him on, taking a seat on the empty stool next to him.

Snapping back to reality and mentally slapping himself for staring at you like a fucking idiot, Satan hurriedly took the fork and knife that was resting on the tray. He first sliced a small piece of his garlic bread that looked like it just came out of the oven, revealing hot cheese stretching as he pulled up the piece to his lips and blowing on it. After a few moments, he popped the piece into his mouth, and he felt like all his taste buds just exploded from the rich flavor of the garlic and cheese that somehow melted together, a delicate taste that made him hungry for more of the newly-baked pastry. After swallowing down on the piece, his fork that was resting on his right hand was put to use as it collected a forkful of sardine pasta that seemed freshly cooked, and once again brought it past his lips to take the whole forkful. He didn't hold back the satisfied sound that came from his throat, almost like a hum, and smiled wide at the taste. Of course, what else could he expect from who he referred to as the best chefs in Hokkaido, anyways?

"It's delicious!" Satan exclaimed, to which you responded with a chuckle and a nod, signalling him to continue on with his meal. There was a peaceful atmosphere in the café. With classical music in the background, people's chattering around you, and you two staring at each other's eyes with smiles on your faces— you felt comfortable. The temperature in Otaru definitely went lower, but the warmth stirring up in your chest was enough to convince you that it was the same day as always. Just you and Satan by the counter, taking orders and serving people their meals.

You heard the kids in the café rushing up to the window and yelling as they looked out at what was happening, and when you turned your head to look at them, you saw the first falling of snow of the winter season right in front of you. There were couples smiling and taking pictures of the snow, and some were giving kisses to their significant others. Teenagers would keep chatting with their friends after taking pictures of the falling snow. When you turned to look back at the blonde teen sitting next to you, your eyes met with his blue-green ones, and you felt your heart thump against your chest at the eye contact. Your eyes were slowly taking in every single detail that was on his face— such as how his blonde hair was just the right kind of messy, or how his eyes were just the perfect gradient from blue to green. When your eyes came down to look at his lips, they looked so soft and warm. His skin definitely looked clear and soft, too, and in the back of your mind, you wondered about what his skin routine was.

More importantly, though, the words that were on your mind were just questions alone that consisted along the lines of mostly; When the hell did he look so attractive? and There's no way I'm starting to like him, right? because you constantly thought of yourself as someone not worthy to be liked, and your self-confidence was just going down the drain.

"People say that when you spend time with someone on the first snow, you'll be staying with them for a long time." Satan's words snapped you back to reality, causing you to jump a bit at your seat. "Well, I hope that's true. I really want to stay with you and your family for a long time, you know?"

Satan was being honest when he said those words, and he always thought that you wouldn't end up liking someone back that was him— a delinquent that was feared by people in their neighbourhood. It never crossed his mind, and whenever people would bring up about that subject, he would just laugh it off as it was some dumb joke.

For the eight months he worked alongside you, he got to know you well enough that there were things he saw or lines he heard that would remind him of you. In his school, when it was time for the daily classroom cleanups, there would always be this one short student who wouldn't be able to reach the top half of the blackboards and whiteboards, and the tall student cleaning near them would always help them out. It would bring him back to the time he met you, and how he wouldn't be happier and healthier if he didn't help you out. He wouldn't have a part-time job that he would consider as an escape, nor would he have the second family that he always wanted to have (since he didn't really consider school as his second family). He wouldn't have stopped skipping classes or continue to constantly ruin his liver by drinking every night.

For eight months, he kept growing feelings for you that he never experienced before. At first, it was all mild. In the beginning, it was simply just some sort of excitement or motivation for him to keep up his work because he's gaining a new friend that actually encouraged him to be a better person. He thought it was something he could get over, that is until he realized that his feelings weren't really fading away. Lilith and Asmo already knew about it, so Satan knew that it was impossible for his whole crush on you to not be known by the rest of his siblings. He couldn't forget when Belphie and Beel suddenly approached him one night while he was in the middle of reading a book to ask him about you, or when Mammon suddenly started teasing him about his little crush on you whenever he was passing by the hallways. Leviathan was of course envious, and he was quick to shoot Satan with unending questions about his lovelife. Their mom was absolutely ecstatic when she found out about it and kept asking Satan when he'll ask her out. Lucifer was the last one to find out and seemed absolutely uninterested by the news, but Satan knew that he'd one day visit the café just to have a little chat with you. Satan had to beg every single one of them — literally getting on his knees and shedding some fake tears — to not tell father. So, it was a dirty little secret that the nine of them had.

Which is why when Satan brought home the bacon (that he really didn't need) that day after biking in the snow, he certainly didn't expect this. He enjoyed the whole day because he got to spend time with you and the rest of the crew until almost midnight, only to be ruined by the sight of this. He expected that he would get home and immediately rest in his bed— but no. He arrived home, entered the lounge room, and was met by the sight of his father sitting on his reclining seat, staring straight at him. His mother was standing just behind the seat, looking as if she had just recently bawled her eyes out. The rest of his siblings had their heads hung low, and the tension in the atmosphere was so high that the smile on his face went away, immediately being replaced by a frown. His eyebrows furrowed when he realized that there wasn't a single butler or maid in sight, and that's when he knew that it was another one of their family matters.

"Where have you been?" Their father's deep voice boomed, and the youngest immediately let out a scoff with a roll of his eyes. Scratch that, it was another one of his annoying lectures that just compared him to his older sister mostly, or even the rest of his older brothers.

Satan Samael was quick to answer that, though. Of course, it was just a rhetorical question to see his father pissed, because he loved seeing the old man getting his panties in a twist. "Oh, so you care about me now?" He barked back, letting his school bag drop to the ground and crossing his arms. He was thankful he accidentally left the café's apron back there and that he came home with a complete school uniform.

The man visibly grit his teeth, and he stood up from his seat, alarming his mother. "Who is this whore that you have been seeing, and where the hell have you been working?" He spat, his words lacing with venom as he spoke. Satan could care less about what was going to happen, but he wasn't able to stand the degrading name his father called you. He uncrossed his arms and clenched his fists until his knuckles turned white and his fists were shaking.

Satan marched up to him without hesitation and began yelling at his father. "Back then, I went home drunk and past midnight almost everyday. There was a large chance that I came back here high on weed, and you didn't even bat an eye towards me!" He roared with fury, doing his very best to hold back his actions. His pale skin was starting to become red with anger, and his eyes just held anger. "Now, I started coming home earlier and stopped doing my vices, but you're starting to give me shit for it? What the actual fuck is wrong with you?!"

"Lift your heads up." The man who commanded. That command made all seven of his siblings look up in an instant with dark eyes, and the sight of their faces made Satan angrier by the second. All of them had slap marks on their faces, and Asmodeus had the most of it. Lilith had dried tear stains on her cheeks, and there were two visible scars that were on her left cheek, along with his father's handprint on her right cheek. Belphegor had a bruise on his face, along with the slap marks, but aside from that, no other damage was made. Levi's cheeks had bruises from what Satan assumed to be his father's fingers from gripping the face too hard. Satan glared at his father and held back a fist, but his father unfortunately had faster hands. The sound of Lucifer's voice protesting was heard for a moment, along with Mammon's call for him to stop, before a loud slap echoed through the room. At first, Satan felt like his cheek went numb, and it slowly transitioned into pain. Soon, the blonde felt tears slowly dripping down his cheeks. "That's what happened to your siblings for keeping a secret from me about this bitch you were seeing! All because of you."

Satan felt his bottom lip trembling as his shoulders began to shake. He didn't know why he was crying, but it always happened to him whenever he couldn't let out his anger properly. "Still— You can't do that to them just because of me! That's not discipline, it's abuse! You could have done all of that to me instead!" He raged, bringing a fist up to wipe away at his tears furiously. "They're not a bitch either! They never had any romantic relationship, and you don't have the right to call them that!"

"You are not going in that café anymore. You are deleting their number and you are never seeing them anymore. Don't make me do the same thing I did to you and your siblings to your little butler." Those were the last words Satan heard before his father marched up the stairs, and the blonde boy instantly bawled in front of his family.

"I'm sorry we couldn't keep it from him." An apology was heard from his Lucifer, which took him by surprise. Those words only made him bawl even more, though, and he immediately felt comforting arms wrap around his body like he was a fragile figure. His cries were muffled when Satan pressed his head against his mother's shoulder, and the teenage boy only hugged back as he broke down in front of his older siblings and his mother.

"It's a present from him." Azazel handed you the perfectly wrapped box of whatever is inside, a small smile gracing his features. You stayed silent as you gently took the present from him. "I'm sorry that he didn't get to spend Christmas with you. I was supposed to take the blame, being his butler and all—"

"No!" You exclaimed, catching him off guard a bit, and you added to your sudden outburst. "No… You shouldn't do that. Satan doesn't like it when people take the blame for him." You nervously laughed and fumbled with the present, feeling your throat form a lump at the realization that the blonde won't be working here anymore. "He talks about you quite often… He's thankful, you know, that you're always there, but he doesn't like it when you take the blame for him… He feels bad about it, so…" You trailed off. You found it hard conversing with someone who you know takes care of Satan or knows him very well, and you hated how a small trickle of hope of ever meeting him again was forming at the bottom of your gut.

Azazel nodded, chuckling soon after. "Ah, I see. Well, he does talk about you quite a lot, too." He smiled before checking the time on his wristwatch, and then looking up to take a look at you once more. "Well, do you have anything to give him, then? Or anything else to say?"

You nodded and went to the counter for a few moments, placing the present on top of the countertop and coming back to him to hand him a thick notebook, the covers being a plain black color. "Um… That's just a copy of recipes of all his favorite food and drinks in this café, and how to make it. It isn't really that much. I just kept writing it down whenever he mentions he had a new favorite. There are also some pictures of the two of us there, which were my favorites. I planned to give it to him today, but, you know…" You cleared your throat a bit and didn't bother finishing the last sentence, and when he took the thick notebook from you, you gave Satan's personal butler a bow. "Please take care of him for us!" Azazel was a bit taken aback by the way you gave him a bow that exceeded ninety degrees, and how there was a hint of desperation laced in your voice.

You heard Azazel give another one of his chuckles, before hearing his response. "Of course I will. What else is the purpose of my job, then?" He laughed and heard footsteps walking towards the door. The sound of the door opening was heard, and another statement was added. "Thank you for unconsciously changing Satan, by the way. We appreciate that." Just when you looked up to ask him about what he meant, the door closed and you saw him walking towards an expensive looking car. The digital clock by the door showed the numbers 03:00, reminding you of the time when Satan mentioned that it would be the start of their classroom cleanups around that time and he would look forward to making his way towards the café.

Taking a deep breath, you walked towards the countertop towards the unopened present. You shakily exhaled as you undid the red ribbon that was around the gift and hesitantly tore open the wrapping paper. Inside was a box that wasn't really taped together, allowing the easy access of just opening it. Inside the box revealed a hoodie that was neatly folded, a framed picture, a book, and a letter that was inside a green envelope. You gently placed the envelope on the counter, deciding to read it later after taking a look at the other contents of the present. The book was a hard covered book, and it was plain white with the words, 'Miracle in Cell No. 7' in a glossy gold font. The picture that was in an expensive looking frame was a candid picture of both of you smiling wide at each other, probably laughing at a dumb joke that one of you told or a story that you two were talking about. The hoodie was a plain, pastel green color and you immediately recognized it as the hoodie that you liked to borrow (read: steal) from him since it was so comfy. It still had his scent on it, which was what you could describe as a musky with a bit of floral and vanilla scent— and you could tell it was one that he wore a lot judging by how strong the scent was, like he was still there beside you. Setting the hoodie back in the box, you gently opened the envelope and pulled out a piece of paper that held his note.

I'm sorry for leaving. I didn't want to, but my father made me. Merry Christmas, by the way! I'm definitely going to miss the dishes there, and I figured you'd be worried sick so I just wanted to give a present. Those are my favorite items. Treasure them for me, okay?

That picture was taken by one of my older brothers' boyfriend, and I honestly was mad at first, but then I realized how cute it looked, so I kept it for a while in my room. It was my birthday when that was given to me, but I don't exactly know when it was taken. I have to say, Solomon is such a decent photographer, don't you think? No wonder Asmodeus is dating him.

That book is the best novel I've read, and I literally cried over that book for days. I first read that when I was around eight or nine, and when I finished reading it, I always kept asking myself why my father didn't love me like how the man in the story loved his daughter. I stuck with the option of me not being born as a girl for quite a while until I realized that I was a pretty shitty child.

That hoodie is actually my favorite. It had the perfect thickness so I could wear them in any season, and it was in my favorite color, too. I just thought of giving it to you since you kept borrowing it. You are shorter than me, so that might be too big for you since it was too large on me, but that's just the reason you like wearing it, huh?

Anyways, thank you so much for being my friend, MC! 'Till we meet again, alright?

As you read through the lines, you could feel your eyes welling up with tears by the second. Your fists clenched and your brows furrowed as you let out soft whimpers and sniffles, not even bothering to hold back your cries anymore. Holding the note close to your chest and crying out, you felt empty inside as you slowly started registering the fact that he was never coming back. The hoodie that was just by your side made him feel like he was there beside you, and it hurt you even more when you realized that you won't have that sweet musky scent near you in the future.

[saviormysticmeme]

So my dog got put down a few days ago and just today my cat was hit by a car. I was wondering how RFA + Unknown + V would react to an MC mourning over that kind of situation? If you're too busy, or you don't want to, I'm sorry for taking up that time for you. Thank you for reading my request and taking the time to think about it

I’m late to answering but I’m so sorry for your lossI love my fur babies to bit so I understand your pain for what it’s worth, and just know you have someone here who feels for you and knows you can get through this hard time. Hope your days have been brighter.And I’m bad at saying comforting things, but I just wanna say I’m sure both of them knew you loved them a lot and you gave them great lives. 

Yoosung-You told him and he cries too-He apologizes profusely no matter how many times you tell him it’s obviously not his fault-”I k-know. It’s just, they were really sweet and I hate that you’re going through this”-He pulls you into a tight hug and you just give in-You’d been trying to hold the tears in since you felt like you spent most of the day crying already, but his assurance and hug just broke you and you started crying again. But it was fine, Yoosung just pulled you into a tighter hug and sobbed with you-Oddly enough it was nice having someone to cry with, and while you knew you were still going to hurt for a while, it was nice having him there. Jaehee-You walked into her apartment in tears, immediately sending her into mild panic-”MC???” She led you to the couch and gave you a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder “MC what’s wrong? Are you ok??”-Through the sobs you managed to tell her and watched her face twist to sadness for not only you but your pets-”Oh MC….” her voice died off and she wasn’t entirely sure what to say.-”I’m sorry Jaehee, I’m sure you’re busy. I’m sorry for bothering you I just…ugh” You started wiping your tears off on your sleeves and prepared to leave, but she held you in place.-”MC! Don’t be ridiculous you’re going through a very rough time right now! Sit down, please, I’ll get you some tea.”-”Are you sure?” You asked, feeling guilty, but her affirmative nod and business-like pace to the kitchen assured you she meant it.-Within minutes she was back with tea and even a couple cookies.-She sat there listening to you reminisce about your babies, occasionally even coaxing a laugh out of you pointing out silly things she remembered about them.-Eventually she decided the best thing was to take your mind off of it and you two threw on some movies and had a nice night.

Zen-You knew he wasn’t a huge fan of animals, but regaurdless you needed someone to talk to and over time you realized Zen would always be there for you.-Sure enough, the second you texted him asking if you could come over because you were having a bad week, he replied instantly with ‘Of course! I’ll get some snacks ready’-Once you got there he had some upbeat music playing and a small platter of snacks from the convenience store down the block spread out on his coffee table. -”So what’s bothering you babe?” He asked, taking your hand in his and giving it a reassuring squeeze. His crimson eyes were soft, like the small smile on his lips, reminding you of your original idea that no matter what he’d be sympathetic.-And he was. -The second you told him, the smile fell off his face and he pulled you into a bear hug.-”Darling that’s awful! I’m so sorry you’ve been going through all this, you should have said something sooner”-”I didn’t want to bother you,” You said softly in his ear due to your head resting on his shoulder. In an even lower voice, you added “I know you’re not super crazy about animals”-He pulled away from the hug a bit so he could look you in the eyes.-”Hun, just because I’m not crazy about them doesn’t mean you aren’t. I know how much they meant to you.” He pulled you back into the embrace. “And I know they loved you and they knew you did nothing but the best for them”-”A couple tears suddenly began streaming from your eyes and little squeaks escaped your throught.”-”Oh Darling,” Zen grabbed a tissue off the side table and started wiping your face “It’s alright, cry as much as you need. I’ll be here for you.” 

Jumin-He had been there when you had to put your dog down, despite being a cat person you knew he’d be a hand to hold and a shoulder to cry on at the vets office. -Of course he had been, and he insisted on the nicest Vet he knew, assuring you the procedure would be smooth and as easy as possible, well as easy as it could be. -Through the next couple days he occasionally would remind you that the moment you decided you wanted another pup he would love to accompany you to the shelter. -As much as you appreciated the offer, you just weren’t ready yet.-And you certainly weren’t ready for what happened next.-The second you lost your cat you called him, sobbing violently into the phone.-He broke records with how fast he got to your house, quickly jumping out of the limo and pulling you into his arms as you cried-He tried calling the local animal hospital to get them to try helping, but you just cried and told him it was too late.-He stayed with you late into the evening, just trying his best to comfort you in whatever ways he could.-Over the next few days you’d go visit him, playing with Elizabeth and feeling bittersweet about your own pets.-None the less you were grateful for having Jumin-In the future, when you were ready, he’d go with you for sureSeven-You know for a fact he loves your animals almost as much as you do, and it almost hurts just to tell him.-He tells you to hold on and he’ll be over soon.-He gets there and you both run into each others arms and start crying a little together.-You go over all the good times you had with your pets and it hurts but is nice at the same time.-After you’ve settled a bit, he goes to the backyard, grabs a shovel out of the shed, and begins digging two holes. Once he finished, he collected your kitty in a box and put it in one, and asked you for your pups collar and put it in the other. -You two had a little makeshift funeral, drinking some soju, pouring a couple shots out (well Seven did despite you insisting your cat and dog wouldn’t understand the sentiment but none the less, he did) You recalled some of the silly stuff the babies did, revisited old pictures of them, and mixed tears and laughter. -It wasn’t more than a few days later he started sending you pictures of adoptable pets in the area insisting that your babies would want someone to take care of these homeless animals just as they had been taken care of.Unknown-You…actually didn’t tell him. I mean, you didn’t even really know him.-But he mentioned it in the chat one day.-”I saw you crying”-”Excuse me?”-”The other day, you came in from outside and where crying” -You looked around the room, remembering the cameras all of a sudden. You had thought only Seven had access to those, but this isn’t the first weird message from Unknown. -”Well?”-”I lost both my pets recently…”-”What happened?”-”I..really don’t want to talk about it”-There was no response for a while. “Alright. Well…I’m sorry.”-Did…did he just express….a kind emotion? You weren’t very familiar with this strange texter, but you noticed that he was never particularly nice. If anything he was polite, but in a very cold way that wasn’t very welcoming.-As forced as the sympathetic apology was, you just sorta “Thanks”-You did appreciate the sentiment after all.V-You called him after the most of your sobbing was over and he came to your call immediately.-He got out of his car and jogged up to you, pulling you into a big embrace.-It was fairly silent, aside from his soft coos as he tried to soothe you in the midst of your misery.-You felt bad sobbing into his shirt but he insisted it was nothing and refused to let go of you.-”I just hope you know MC….they loved you, and they knew you loved them”-”But..I…It feels like it’s my fault somehow”-”Don’t be silly, there is reasons beyond our comprehension that things like this happen, but they are not your fault.”-”….Thank you, Jihyun.”-”Of course” And he pulled you into a side hug as he walked you inside, ready to listen to your cries and try helping you relax.-Eventually you were cried out, and he sat on the couch with you, running his fingers through your hair as you two chatted the night away-Even in the worst situations, something about his demeanor just made the world feel more calm, more peaceful. And right now that’s what you needed.

[ottermoone]

Tribute to Gwydion, Cat of cats

I lost my best friend two days ago. His name was Gwydion, and he was a few months shy of 12.

I was there the day he was born, in early 2007, when my neighbor knocked on our door and told us excitedly that her 2 cats were having kittens. I was 11 years old, in the 5th grade.

We hadn't initially expected to adopt a kitten, but the last litter of kittens had included a few white kittens, and my mother wanted another white cat, as we had lost an older white kitty who we'd both been very close to a couple years before. So we headed down and sat with a group of people, and watched the newborn kittens finally nuzzle up to their moms, a black cat named Hemy, and a tortoiseshell named Patches. Patches had a couple white kittens in her litter, and my mother asked the neighbor if we could adopt one of them when they were old enough.

5 or 6 weeks later, my mother came back up to our apartment with a small kitten. He was all white, except for his tail, which was orange and striped. I was told that he was only going to explore our apartment for a little bit before going back downstairs to his mom. I watched him run around excitedly, playing with my two other cats (Hercules and Persephone--both who hissed at him), and we laid out a shoebox filled with litter in case he needed to go, since he was so small we were afraid he'd get stuck in the regular litter box. He eventually used it, and squeezed out the tiniest and stinkiest poo I'd ever seen. I still remember it. My mother eventually took him back down to the neighbors', and a week or 2 later, he came to live with us permanently.

I didn't get to name him--my mother liked to give me the illusion of "choosing a name," which she'd then immediately reject before telling me what we were naming the animal. She initially told me we were going to name him Cernunnos, because she wanted a Celtic name for the cat, because of his coloring (white animals were considered sacred in Celtic mythology, apparently). She eventually rejected that name ("It sounds too much like 'Sir' ... Sir Lancelot, Sir Galahad...") and settled on Gwydion instead. It took me a full week before I was able to remember and pronounce his name (Gwid-ee-in).

My mother was an abusive hoarder, and we lived in poverty, so in the apartment we were living in at the time, we slept next to each other on a queen-sized memory foam mattress pad in the middle of the living room floor, surrounded by trash and clothes and other junk. So the first night we brought Gwydion home, he did what all kittens do and started pouncing on anything that moved underneath a blanket. Unfortunately, when we tried to sleep, that ended up being our toes. After a half hour of him pouncing on our toes, my mother got impatient and told me to lock him up in another room for the night.

He began crying almost immediately, and when I was sure my mother had fallen asleep (as I knew I'd get in trouble otherwise), I went back in and grabbed him, took him back to the mattress pad with me, and laid him on my chest. I pet him gently and constantly until he fell asleep there, and then finally fell asleep myself. When I woke up the next morning, he was still there, and we were inseparable forever after. Every night after that, he'd come and lay on my neck or my chest, purring and kneading.

Over the next year, he got more orange coloring in his fur, and my mother gave him less attention (I think because he wasn't the pure white cat she had wanted, and also because she was jealous of the bond we shared), until it was plainly obvious that he was my cat.

We both suffered extremely abusive and impoverished conditions together over the years that I won't delve into here. But throughout those years, wherever we were living, and whether he was mainly an indoor or outdoor cat at the time, every night, he'd come to where I was sleeping, cuddle up next to me or on my chest, and stay there until I fell asleep.

For several years, he and my other cat, Hercules, were forced by my mother to be locked in my tiny room, day in and day out, never being allowed out, unless they happened to slip out when the bedroom door opened, and then ran outside (as the front door was almost always open due to broken AC). In those years, he learned what crying meant, and eventually, when I'd start crying, he'd immediately be there, forcing his way into my arms or onto my chest, kneading and purring until I stopped crying and fell asleep.

There was a day where I had basically made up my mind to kill myself. I was almost 13, and had laid in bed all day, from the time I woke up until after night time, with blackout curtains drawn. I hadn't eaten anything, and it felt like time didn't exist. It was the emptiest I can ever remember feeling. I just lay there, feeling nothing. Eventually, after hours of thinking about the quickest and easiest way to die, my mind settled on drinking bleach. As I started to sit up, getting ready to walk out of my room, he was suddenly on my lap from out of nowhere, crawling up my chest, kneading and purring. As if he knew. Looking back now, I realize he had been laying next to me the entire time, but I had been so out of it that I hadn't noticed. At that moment, all feeling came rushing back, and I began crying, horrified at what I'd almost done. I hugged him and cried some more until I fell asleep.

We moved again after a few years, this time into government housing, and he was allowed to roam the apartment or go outside as often as he wanted. Still, every night without fail, when I laid down, he'd be there next to me.

A few days after my 18th birthday, I secretly brought all my important belongings to school with me, and moved in with my boyfriend. I hadn't been able to get Gwydion out because I hadn't wanted to raise my mother's suspicions before I left--we had stopped letting him outside as often because I didn't want him to get hurt. I had planned on it for weeks, though--my boyfriend had planned to show up that morning with a cat carrier as I quietly slipped him out the door and into my boyfriend's waiting car. But the night before, I realized my mother would notice if he were suddenly gone all day, and that it might hurt my chances of getting out, and if I couldn't get out, I couldn't ever get Gwydion out. So I let my boyfriend know not to come pick him up. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever made.

Those few months without him at night were rough, and I felt so guilty. But eventually, a few months later, my mother was evicted, and she asked me to take him and Hercules or they would be going to the pound. My boyfriend was super sweet and helped me pick them up, as well as necessary cat supplies, and thus began Gwydion's second life. He was 7 years old.

Gwydion had always been sweet to me, but he'd never been fixed, and he'd also been through abuse and lived outside part time, so he wasn't very sweet to other people. He also liked to spray. One of the first things we did was get him fixed and vaccinated. He immediately stopped spraying, and within a few short months, he was cuddling with my boyfriend as well.

For the first time, I was able to spoil him. He was able to walk and climb anywhere he wanted, he had multiple places to lay, he had access to a constant supply of food that never ran out, he had AC, he had a clean litter box, he had his best friend Hercules, he had two people doting on him, he didn't have fleas, and once every week, on Friday night, he'd get canned food. It took a little time, but eventually, he relaxed fully and began to enjoy himself, and he became an even more amazing cat, if that's even possible. He stopped laying on my chest every night, but that's mainly because he could come and lay on my chest or my boyfriend's chest at any time of the day he wanted. He would sometimes lay right on top of both of us at night though, which wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world, but it was still sweet.

Hercules was put to sleep a few years later, in November of 2016. Gwydion didn't eat for 3 days, and so I eventually took him to the vet, and they induced his appetite. Thankfully he ate after that, but he was very stand-offish for the next few months.

Around the same time, we got a new kitten from the nearby shelter, who we named Crono. At first, Gwydion cuddled with Crono, but after Hercules' passing, he began to growl and hiss at Crono, and eventually, Crono learned to leave him alone. Feeling bad that Crono had no one to play with, we eventually got a 3rd cat from the same shelter, an 8 month old kitten, who we named Noctis. Noctis and Crono became immediate best friends, and within a month, Gwydion began being his old self again too, grooming the other two and even playing with them at times.

We moved a few months later, this time into a bigger apartment with a backyard and multiple windows, and we got a cat tree. Gwydion had always loved sunbathing, and so he loved this apartment. He could walk almost anywhere in the apartment and have access to a window. He also continued playing with the other two for a little while, which meant he gained a little muscle and evened out to a healthy weight. He was so happy I swear he glowed.

Unfortunately, a few months ago, he started losing weight rapidly, even though he was eating more. For reasons I don't want to explain here, including the fact that he was no longer cleaning himself, I realized a few days ago that this was it, and to keep going just because I adored him would be selfish of me. In my teens, I had seen multiple animals die without the benefit of euthanasia. I couldn't bear the thought of him having to go through that, and I realized he was getting close. So I made the hardest decision I've ever made, and chose to help him go.

My boyfriend and I were able to get a vet to visit us, as he'd always hated car trips. He got to spend his last day sun bathing, getting his favorite canned food, and his favorite treats. He spent his last hour cuddling on my lap. He was too tired and weak to lay up on my chest. I pet him gently and constantly as he lay there, and he passed quietly as I stroked him and told him I loved him.

It still doesn't feel entirely real. The moments when it does, the pain cuts deeper than a hot knife. I will be honest--I don't believe in an afterlife. I wish I did. Because then I might get some solace from the "Rainbow Bridge" poem, or the multitude of pictures assuring me that he's in heaven now, watching over me. But I will never see him again. He is gone. He'll never come up to me again, kneading and purring and booping my face. I'll never hear his sassy little voice again. It's going to take a long time to fully process. But I do know this: if angels were real, he'd be one. I wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for him. I wouldn't know the meaning of unconditional love, and I wouldn't be who I am or where I am now without having had the honor of having him in my life. So no matter the pain that continues to come in waves as reality settles over me, I will never regret bringing that little kitten with the stinky poop, who pounced on my toes while I tried to sleep, home.

I love you so much, baby boy. I am glad you existed at the same time as I did. I will carry the memory of you with me for as long as I live.

One of our first nights together.

Stuck in my room together. One of the few times he wore a collar. He tore it off not long after this picture was taken.

After he moved in with me and my boyfriend. Very relaxed and carefree

Pretty boy ❤️

Arm hugging and purring like crazy

Gwydion and Hercules: best friends

Part 2

Cuddling with one of our rats, Rosa

Cuddling with Crono when he was a kitten

The last picture taken, a week ago: cuddling with Noctis.

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Rest in peace, baby kitty.