#I don't wanna live a day without you; I just wanna be the one that makes you happy / NikoZai
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@kitxkatrp
It was Christmas day, and for once, the two men in the house weren't the first to wake up. Instead, the two of them asleep in their bed, would be woken up by an excited child.
"Dad! Dada~! Get up get up! It's Christmas it's Christmas!" they called out in the door way. "Santa came and brought gifts!"
#kitxkatrp#I don't wanna live a day without you; I just wanna be the one that makes you happy / NikoZai#Hey put on a happy face; Then everything's okay / Nikolai#with advice of the dead; And a halo over my head / Yumeno
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the suna where he asks if you'd have a baby with him
ask game: a christmas drabble from an established AU AU: wouldn't it be nice?
you've never been particularly good at giving people presents.
not for lack of trying, or lack of care—you want to be good at gift giving, but somehow you've just never quite mastered the skill. you're too indecisive to pick just one thing, so you always end up with a strange mismatched array of little gifts when the time comes, none of which have any particular connection to the other.
and that's to say nothing of your absolutely horrendous gift wrapping abilities.
before you started dating rintarou, christmas was always a real point of stress in your life. from picking out the gift, to tracking the item down, to trying (and ultimately failing) to wrap it in a way that didn't give the impression that a child had done it one-handedly. the stress that built up around the holiday often overshadowed any of the actual enjoyment you were meant to derive from it. and though none of your exes had ever explicitly called you out on being a god-awful gift giver, you knew that it was true.
thankfully, in that way that only rintarou seems to be able to do, that problem just... disappeared when the two of you started dating.
maybe disappeared is the wrong word, but that anxiety that you always used to feel cresting as the holidays drew near just never seemed to swell to the same point of misery as it used to. you never felt the same pressure to pick the perfect thing. to wrap it beautifully. to get it right.
because rintarou has this way of... reassuring you. of sensing when you're struggling and making things... easier. all without ever having to ask.
"i'm not big on gifts," he'd said to you, a full three weeks before your first christmas together. "wanna just go somewhere for the holiday, instead of buying presents? i've got some time off and have been thinking about going to kyoto."
and that settled it.
each christmas since then has passed similarly. either rintarou makes a plan, or very explicitly tells you what he'd like to get as a gift, and when the time comes, any of that stress that used to build up around the day just never even has the chance to take root.
but this year, there's a different sort of nervousness you feel about the holiday.
"my mom sent us a card," rintarou says, coming around the corner of your living room with a little red envelope in his hands. "she invited us to visit for the new year, too."
you shift in your seat under the kotatsu, looking up as he stands over you. "do you want to go?"
he sighs, slumping down onto the sofa behind you. "not really."
"we don't have to, then, if you really don't want to," you assure him, leaning back against the sofa so you're a little nearer to him. he inches forward on the couch cushions to close the gap even further. "but it might be nice to see your family."
rintarou isn't particularly close to his parents, who divorced when he was young. of his family members, the nearest to him is his little sister—and their relationship had largely been built once they both reached adulthood.
"last time we went to see my family my grandma tried to take you to a shaman to get you pregnant," rintarou replies dryly. "you sure you wanna go through that again?"
"i don't think the shaman was the one who was supposed to knock me up," you point out, and rintarou huffs out a laugh. you turn away from him a little. rintarou's grandmother was tired of waiting for great grand children and had tried to use shamanism to speed the process along—it had ended in an argument over a family dinner. "you two really are related, huh?"
"what was that?"
you peek at him over your shoulder.
"i think we should go to see them."
rintarou's brow quirks slightly at your words, and you lean forward so your elbows are resting on the edge of the couch cushion.
his eyes are always so green when you're this close to him, lined with those dark wispy lashes. so pretty. delicate and effortless in a way that would upset you if he wasn't already yours.
"you really wanna go?" he asks you quietly, and you can feel the warmth of his breath on your lips when he speaks. you nod a little, and your lips brush because of the proximity—not quite a kiss, but enough to make him lean forward in search of one.
you pull away before he gets what he's looking for.
"and you can tell grandma that we won't need the shaman this year."
because she's already gotten what she wanted.
he blinks at you, and then his eyes widen, and before you know it he's sitting bolt upright on the sofa with a look of utter disbelief on his pretty face.
just like always, rintarou made gift giving easy this year.
only this time, the present is something you'll both cherish equally, because it's something you've been wanting, too.
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Hi hiiii! Okay so... I'm not quite sure if you accept like request and all but i enjoyed your vlog so much cause been craving for Gojo angst that hurts my heart and i love it 😭😭
And i have this idea... You know Toga Himiko right? So like i have this idea in mind where Gojo neglected the reader, like the bully fic you made? And so, in the end Gojo was like dyin (In his teens where he still didn't know RCT). Reader having the same power as Toga Himiko so yeah you know what happens next.
That episode ached my heart so much that i cried and i kinda wanna see it in Gojo x reader part. You don't have to make it just sayin my idea and all 😅
Omgg hello, you are actually the first person who requested to write something so ofc I will do it. I didnt continue watching MHA after season 2 so I might not capture Toga Himiko's quirk that well </3 but I still tried and hoping you will like it.
Note: it ended with a slight angst.
Past Wound That Will Never Change
The world had always been cruel to those who were different, and you learned that lesson early. Your cursed technique was rare, one that made people uneasy. By consuming the blood of others, you could take on their appearance and, to a degree, their abilities. It was powerful, yes, but it was also isolating. People whispered behind your back, called you a parasite, and avoided you like a curse waiting to manifest.
Gojo Satoru, of course, had been the worst of them all.
He wasn’t just cruel; he was relentless. With his unmatched abilities and natural charisma, he had no reason to think twice about how his words or actions might hurt you. To him, you were a joke, a walking anomaly he could poke fun at when life at Jujutsu High grew dull.
“You ever think about how creepy you are?” he’d say, his friends laughing along. “Like, do you just look at someone and think, ‘Wow, I wanna drink their blood’? That’s disgusting, man.”
The words stung every time. You tried to fight back, to pretend his insults didn’t matter, but he had a way of cutting deeper than anyone else. The more you tried to stand your ground, the more he mocked you.
“You’re not even a real sorcerer,” he said once, his voice dripping with disdain. “You just leech off of everyone else. What’s the point of keeping you around?”
No one defended you. Geto sometimes gave you a pitying glance, but even he didn’t dare go against Gojo. They were close friends after all. You were utterly alone, and every day felt like a battle you were losing.
It all came to a head during a mission gone wrong. You’d been sent out with Gojo and another student to exorcise a particularly nasty curse. Things had been going well until Gojo, confident as ever, underestimated the enemy. The curse turned its attention on you, nearly killing you in the process. You barely managed to survive, but when the dust settled, Gojo shrugged it off like it was nothing.
“You’re fine,” he said, his tone dismissive. “Stop being so dramatic.”
That was the moment something inside you broke. That night, you packed your things and left Jujutsu High without a word. If they thought you were a parasite, then so be it. You would survive on your own terms, far away from their judgmental eyes.
---
Years passed, and you became someone entirely different. The pain of your past hardened into a cold resolve. You used your cursed technique without restraint, earning a reputation as a rogue sorcerer. People feared you, and for the first time in your life, you felt powerful. You no longer cared about proving yourself to anyone. You lived by your own rules, taking what you needed and leaving destruction in your wake.
But fate had a twisted sense of humor.
You found him in the ruins of a cursed battlefield, slumped against a crumbling wall, his once-pristine uniform soaked with blood. Gojo Satoru, the untouchable, was dying.
He looked up at you with bleary eyes, his usual confidence replaced by something fragile.
“Figures,” he muttered, his voice barely audible. “Of all people… it had to be you.”
You stared at him, your emotions a tangled mess of anger, bitterness, and something you didn’t want to name. He looked so different now—vulnerable in a way you’d never imagined. For a brief moment, you considered leaving him there. It would be poetic, wouldn’t it? Letting him die alone, just like he’d left you to fend for yourself all those years ago.
But you couldn’t do it.
“Don’t flatter yourself,” you said coldly, kneeling beside him. “I’m not doing this for you.
He didn’t respond, too weak to argue. His blood pooled around him, staining the ground a deep crimson. You bit into your hand, drawing your own blood, and then leaned down to press your lips to his wound. The metallic taste filled your mouth as your cursed technique activated, his power flooding into you.
It was overwhelming. For a brief moment, you were the strongest, the infinite possibilities of his Limitless technique unfurling in your mind. You used it to heal his wounds, channeling his power with a precision that surprised even you. When it was done, you pulled away, wiping your mouth as you staggered to your feet.
Gojo sat up slowly, testing his limbs. He looked at you, his expression unreadable.
“You saved me,” he said quietly.
“Don’t read into it,” you snapped. “If I wanted you dead, I wouldn’t have bothered.”
He frowned, guilt flickering across his face. “Why? After everything I—”
“Don’t,” you interrupted, your voice sharp. “You don’t get to apologize. Not after what you did.”
He fell silent, his usual arrogance nowhere to be found. For once, he looked small, almost fragile.
“I’m sorry,” he said finally, his voice barely above a whisper. “I was a fool back then. I didn’t—”
“Stop,” you said, your tone icy. “I don’t want your apology. I don’t need it. Just live with it, Gojo. Live with what you did.”
You turned and walked away, leaving him sitting there, his words hanging in the air. He didn’t try to stop you. He didn’t call after you. He simply watched as you disappeared into the distance, the weight of his guilt settling over him like a shroud.
---
Gojo recovered, but the encounter haunted him. He searched for you, hoping for a chance to make amends, but you were always one step ahead, always out of reach. The guilt of what he had done to you lingered, a constant reminder of his failures. For the first time in his life, he couldn’t fix what he had broken.
You, on the other hand, continued to live on your own terms. Saving him hadn’t changed anything. It hadn’t softened the bitterness in your heart or erased the scars he left behind. You didn’t forgive him, and you didn’t need to.
In the end, the past was a wound neither of you could heal. He was left to carry the weight of his guilt, while you carried the scars of his cruelty.
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@kitxkatrp asked:
Dazai--in her female form--is eating ice cream naked on the couch while they're home alone. She goes to take a bite--and it drops right between her breasts.
"...Woops~"
Nikolai passed by, only to stop in his tracks and back up. He noticed she dropped ice cream on her chest.. Oh, the temptation... but he was trying to be a good boy....
"Dove, enjoying the ice cream~?" he asked as he wandered over to her.
#kitxkatrp#I don't wanna live a day without you; I just wanna be the one that makes you happy / NikoZai#Hey put on a happy face; Then everything's okay / Nikolai#Take it back to the start; I've had a change of heart / ADA V.
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wish i could stop losing stuff irretrievably. some hardware error emptied out my recycle bin a couple days earlier. just to shit on a day i'd spent being genuinely happy about the art i create. i guess. i'm tired of compromises, sick of lying that "it wasn't that important anyway", and throwing up at "oh well, can't be helped".
and yet. and yet. despite every pain, both major and minor, the love is there. the love is still there. guess i've just somehow miraculously hit that point (or gone past it a long time ago) where every grievance beyond a certain amount hurts an unspeakable amount more than it should. and it stacks. probably went overboard a while back. don't know when.
still, i adore my project. still got someone in whose arms i feel safe. hope i'll get out someday. hope i'll get a win.
#i truly do believe that if i get the rest of my work back‚ the important bits#then everything else is gonna be all fine. negligible losses. one more pain on the road to victory.#i learned what digital corpses look like yesterday. zeroes where bs and 4s and Hs should be. it sits badly in my gut. it is difficult to#have hope.#and yet#and yet i will never lose mine until it's all truly over#i'm hoping for a win. it'll be the biggest win of my life at this point. everything else can go to hell at that point.#just give me the news‚ doc. give me the tiebreaker. tell me to live or to despair.#got things to live for beyond that one piece of art i've made. got a few of them‚ in fact.#yet a life without my art seems as bleak as they come. don't know what to look for beyond that. just let me win this one time.#seven years of constant pain is more than enough no matter how you slice it. if i'm not given closure here‚ for this one thing‚ then i'll#give it to myself. will be cruel. will be tough. think it holds less pain still.#but i don't want it. don't wanna think about it. crying as i write this. don't wanna face the music. hate how it hinges on that. are all#artists like this‚ or is it just me who is insane?#i've moved on with the help of my art. without my art‚ i can't move on. can't move on from the lack of moving on‚ either. just loss after#loss after loss. but maybe. maybe not. if i win‚ i'll just cuss out this pain i'm going through right now for the rest of my days and#eventually laugh about it. losses will become scars on living tissue. emphasize on l i v i n g tissue. living‚ as in can create‚ can#continue to love‚ can continue to adore and to help and to play and to smile and all sorts of things. can do all that good stuff that makes#a life worth livin'.#so. dunno if i'm transmitting. dunno if anyone's listening. but i'm hoping for contact.#logs#black blank blah-blah-blah
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ggghhg i hate vehiclessssssss ghghghhghhhhh [dies dies dies forever]
#just me hi#i'm going to get right back to it but i need to complain or i'll turn into a stale loaf of Bread lmao :3👍#so here it is. why's it gotta be so hard hhghfh#okay buildings suck i hate buildings. but also they don't make me want to immediately explode at the merest hint of actually drawing them#vehicles?? Vehicles ???? i am going to just. what if i just put everyone in magical cardboard boxes and did that huh. what is the point !!#i have to draw motorcyclessss and carssssss and i'm okay with bikes to a degree actually <3 and horsessssssss and truckssssssssssss#god forbid you pick an older model with like 20 articles on it cuz most of them are going to only have a side profile and 3/4s view of that#dang thing. which yea sounds manageable 'why is this a problem keeps' i cannot properly see the FRONT#i have to guess?? i have to Guess ???? my dearest wish i think i'm just going to live in the sewers. with the sewer creatures#GGHHHHHHHHHHHH#i am going to practice drawing this stupid thing that i'm going to use for like 7 panels MAX and then i'm going to commit a FOUL crime. lik#rearranging someone's usual playlist without them knowing so they're confused every time they listen to it afterwards#//okay enough of that. we're good hbfhsfh :3#i have done other things today ! i've actually made a rough timeline for pi.e so thaaaat's cool :D#that and found a cool artist to follow on pillowfort. i. forgor their user but they have cool art .w.#/also i'm past the halfway mark on this first chapter which is !!!#i don't want to jinx myself cuz i know i'm really good at that hfhsv - but i think i'll start storyboarding the next part if i can get a#couple more pages done :D#//also the cowboy au grows stronger everyday hhhgfshvbh#i kind of knew some sort of au was inevitable but i did not think it would be an old west one loll :3#still trying to figure out the logistics#i wanna find some good historical fiction from those eras (1860s-70s) but i do not have the brain space for it rn fbhs - so this will do :>#it won't have any of the magic or gods i think bc of that but i'm having fun regardless :D#it Does have some occult though. because i was playing the story for my brother and i Do enjoy scaring him hhbvhfhsfvh#there are devils on the ranch!! or are they devils?? he hasn't gotten that far yet lol :>#//i also may have some sort of weird lean towards the spooky because Somehow each of my stories end up containing some sort of thriller#element?? lmao rip my siblings#but it never happens on purpose. again; rip my siblings hfhhvsh#//oo running out of tag space lol <//3#i shall return. probably with more wip stuff cuz i started like 4 canvases in 2 days hhghghdvs - toodles !!
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my sister called me and kept asking excitedly that what's happening in my life and
#like life as in. i can't say love life but like you know what's happening with the guys and the girls#girl#and i was so tired#am so tired#i just made up an excuse that im too physically tired too talk to cut the call and told her id call her back but i won't#i want to okay i really do I want to hear about her life what's going on but she's not that type of person jinke saamne#i can just divert the topic from myself avoid talking about me she's determined and caring like that😭#just. kya batau main#i spent the whole day working but really if i stopped doing anything for like 2 minutes all the last convos i had with everyone i#liked loved whatever started replaying in my head constantly making me feel all down and sad in public yk that empty heaviness inside chest#i mean. what is there to say. i feel truly pathetic#everyone just keeps leaving me. they decide one day that oh nope she's not for me not interesting anymore doesn't understand is too much#draining and destroys my peace and then they leave#it doesn't even matter the weight of the relationship#whether it's been a year of being in love or two weeks of talking till 5 am or a week of wishing me good morning and good night#every day. it doesn't matter they leave and they leave and they leave and they don't look back and im left to pick up the pieces go on#pretend to be okay and normal and fucking focused on like. studying accounts as if my heart isn't breaking#into a million tiny pieces everytime#i don't know how to tell her. the sister you love so much the sister you can't live without imagine life without. the#sister who you thought about holding on for because you couldn't do that to her leave her alone when you had suicidal thoughts. she's#she's actually deeply unlovable undateable unfuckable and like truly lonely and easy to let go of#i know she loves me and i know my bestfriend loves me and she would fall apart if i wasn't there for her#but it's not enough. i really wish it was. but it's okay it's enough for now it's enough to keep me going it's enough to make me not wanna#die yk? like i don't love myself enough to live for myself get better for myself but they need me so i need to be okay be happy because i#need them to be happy. and they're happy when im happy#does that make sense#okay bye i should really start writing a diary
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gonna strangle one of my roommates
#''''borrowed'''' (without warning/asking) mine and one of our other roommates ice packs over the weekend#leaving both of us with nothing to keep our lunches cool when both of us are out of the house at work/school all day#and left them in a cooler. with. perishable food. just. sitting. in the fucking house#didn't put the food away. didn't put the ice packs back in the freezer#just left it sitting there#with eggs and milk and fruit. to rot. in a room temperature cooler. in the living room#and HE says he wants to move out so he isn't feeling constrained or burdened by having a couple girls in our early 20s for roommates....#motherfucker put your FOOD AWAY and CLEAN YOUR OWN GDDAMN MESSES why don't you#jesus christ at least we know how to wash a fucking pan without leaving it in the sink for two days first#i have had it with this fucking guy already oh my gd#i wanna talk about me
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Nikolai watched as his lover fell asleep in his arms. He waited for the breathing to become soft and the man's body to become completely relaxed. He tilted his head down to press a soft kiss to the crown of Dazai's hair before closing his eyes.
Soon, he drifted off into a light slumber. His arms curled around Dazai to keep him close in his sleep.
"Hm...I'm glad...I love you too..." He was always so happy that he had a positive influence on Nikolai's life and happiness...before he met Nikolai, he hadn't thought he had been able to do more than harm to people. He even kept telling himself that helping Atsushi didn't count.
But...
He tucked his head under Nikolai's chin and mumbled quietly before falling asleep.
#kitxkatrp#I don't wanna live a day without you; I just wanna be the one that makes you happy / NikoZai#Hey put on a happy face; Then everything's okay / Nikolai#Take it back to the start; I've had a change of heart / ADA V.
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.
#Today is for me closer to “it's going to be different but it's going to be okay”#I'm just mostly fine today?#I'll surely cry a lot later#but today is so so so much better#I've worked really really hard for better#making peace#doing things that would make me feel better and creating meaning#(and other people have done a lot for me here I don't wanna act like I'm some island who has stood alone - none of this would be possible#if it weren't for the love#solidarity#work#and a gentle insistence that I also have to do better even if some folks were being unfair that my loved ones have offered)#and like I'm still scared of a bunch of stuff and hurting#I'm not out here wearing the shirts I haven't worn in two months or something#I think I still can't do a breathing exercise without panicking#but like I've had a normal day?#like completely unproductive and disorganized#Literally I think 'I'm healing'#not 'I'm OK'#But you know what a fine day is still better#I've had like 3 of those in the last sixty days#so like today is a top 5% day#Seriously 'fine' feels so good right now#No idea how I'll feel tomorrow#Might be as good might be much worse#And it'll never be the same - It might be years until I'm as secure in terms of friendship as I was before all this#But I can live with this#I can and I have to
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@kitxkatrp
It was one of those rare days that Nikolai was the first to wake up. He did get a full nights rest, but he was BUZZING with excitement! He was staring at his sleeping husband, a big goofy grin on his face and big eyes as he admired his form. He could not wait for him to wake up... Today was Dazai's birthday, and he had gone all out for it. He wanted it to be PERFECT.
#kitxkatrp#I don't wanna live a day without you; I just wanna be the one that makes you happy / NikoZai#Hey put on a happy face; Then everything's okay / Nikolai#Take it back to the start; I've had a change of heart / ADA V.
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last time the fucking insurances and my city left me without money for a long time i kicked a wall so hard i got sick leave - if they keep FUCKING PLAYING WITH MY EXISTENCE IT WONT BE ME ON SICK LEAVE
#yeah start of the year wth those 9 days without electricity and food made me veeeeeery protective of covering my basic needs :)#and if i have to break into city hall and steal all their fucking snacks in their break rooms#no for fucking real my beautiful and shitty city plays with their welfare recipients and indebted people#a lot of people around me don't talk nice about city hall and its useless fucking civil 'servants'#civil servants yeah right. its not like you get treated like the scum of town for recieving welfare. or being a foreigner#and god forbid youre a foreigner on welfare then you're just a bloodsucking parasite they wanna deport <3#i wanna bite our cIvIl sErVaNtS throats out <3#i hope none of you get your governemtally sanctioned pensions <3#every single one of them should try and live with the money they think is the minimun needed for existing - they'd change laws so fast#god what a great motherfucking morning#i hope city hall just crumbles with those motherfuckers inside#my posts
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@kitxkatrp
What an incredible gift, that I may spend the rest of my life learning more about you.
#I don't wanna live a day without you; I just wanna be the one that makes you happy / NikoZai#Hey put on a happy face; Then everything's okay / Nikolai
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the thing about having trauma is that you think you're coping so great and fine and that you're doing well and then you realise not only are you actually going through it a bit but also you haven't been coping well and the people around you have been caught in the fallout whether they realise it or not. and then more things change and you realise it'll continue to happen even though you still feel freshly 16 and don't know how to deal with all the change
#having normal feelings about moving out in uh. 2 days#well kinda two days. tomorrow's my last day living at home. i move first thing saturday morning#and also i miss my best friends. and they're both still gonna be around but i'm going an hour and a half away#and i didn't realise i was having really big feelings about that until right now#and i don't wanna be like. hey so i'm moving and having really big feelings because i'm gonna miss you guys a bunch#esp because one friend is having a really really happy week and i'm trying to figure out a balance of talking to people about things withou#dumping it on them. and i don't wanna put pressure on them to visit and organise meetups and stuff which is a topic i'm still gonna bring#up soon because i think if i go too long without seeing them i might lose it#and we can still visit! it's only an hour and a half away! but it's still more and more change and it turns out i don't deal well with it#idk. i just love my friends a lot and miss em a bunch#vent tw
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Nikolai had hardly gotten any sleep. He was way too excited for today. It was the day of their wedding. And the Earth was smiling upon them because it was a beautiful day. It was warm out and sunny.. Perfect for their day.
He got up and saw everything Dazai had bought him. His cheeks dusted pink. He placed the tickets in a safe place. He was quick to freshen up and get dressed. Then darted downstairs to make breakfast. It'd be weird not to get ready with Dazai for the day, but.. he still had kids to take care of.
@kitxkatrp
#kitxkatrp#hey put on a happy face; then everything will be okay / Nikolai#I don't wanna live a day without you; I just wanna be the one that makes you happy /nikozai#Take it back to the start; I've had a change of heart / ADA v.
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@kitxkatrp asked:
Dazai decides to wake Nikolai up on their Saturday off by giving him sweet kisses.
Nikolai had a very long day yesterday, and he was exhausted and just worn out. So he slept like a rock.
When he was kissed, he stirred a bit, and muttered something in his sleep. It seemed a sweet kiss wasn't enough to wake him.
#kitxkatrp#I don't wanna live a day without you; I just wanna be the one that makes you happy / NikoZai#Hey put on a happy face; Then everything's okay / Nikolai#Take it back to the start; I've had a change of heart / ADA V.
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