#I don't wanna be a handler but it's just like so useful to learn to see the space like that

[bsaka7]

i love sports i love playing sports im sure this is a shocker bc i literally run a sports blog but it's TRUE

[kaijutegu]

Is It Ok For An Alligator To Have Tape On Their Mouth?

Alligators make pretty amazing animal ambassadors when handled safely and ethically. And it is actually pretty safe to take them out to interact with the zoo-going public (or general public in some settings), when done correctly. Many zoos and outreach organizations do an amazing job of this! Every state has different rules, but even if a state doesn't mandate that alligators be banded... well, if you're a responsible crocodilian handler, you'll band anyways. It's a huge public safety issue! Even an accidental graze against their front teeth can cause injury. See, the alligators that are used as handle-able ambassadors are pretty small, and their teeth are razor sharp. An adult gator has sharp teeth, too, as well as blunt teeth for crushing, and they also have the additional force of their jaw muscles.

Here's what it sounds like when an adult alligator pops his jaw. (Don't worry about the hissing/gaping; this is a trained and queued behavior. The stick towards the top of the inside of the mouth is triggering the bite reflex. Chester probably got lots of chicken and fish as he learned to do this.)

Skip ahead to 0:32 if you wanna skip the guest commentary.

What's more, biting is an important reflex for crocodilians. The lower jaws of crocodilians are some of the most innervated tissues in the animal kingdom; they are more sensitive than human fingertips! Even the slightest touch triggers their bite reflex, which likely is an adaptation that lets them detect changes in water pressure that signal a snack heading their way.

Here's a pretty good video about the biomechanics of crocodilian jaws:

So yeah. They need to not be able to bite for public safety. There's just too much risk involved with an unbanded alligator (or other crocodilian). Fortunately, it's easy to get a crocodilian to not bite- you just need to band its mouth!

(This fella is Frodo the dwarf caiman, but the principle is the same.)

This works because while crocodilians have an extremely strong bite force (claims range from 2,000 PSI to 5,000+ PSI, but I don't have time to get into that now but someday I will probably), but not particularly strong muscles to open their mouths. Selective pressure for quickly nabbing prey in murky water where there's not a lot of visibility lead to pterygoid and adductor muscles so big, they extend into the animal's neck. But those muscles only pull the jaw closed- they don't work to open it! That's why you see people holding an alligator's mouth closed with their hands.

Safe bands include:

Silicone tape- this is the best. It sticks to itself and not the gator's snout

Electrical tape

Medical tape

Rubber or elastic bands

There are other options, but these are the most popular- they're cheap, easily available, and safe. So if you see an alligator (or other crocodilian) out in public and it's got tape on its mouth, don't worry too much- it's safe for the gator (most of the time) and it's safe for you!

Here's a couple of safe tape options, modeled by a juvenile American alligator in pink electrical tape (I forget her name, these are from an outreach event a couple of years ago) and Pagasa, a juvenile Philippine crocodile wearing the white medical tape.

So when is tape not safe? When it's the wrong kind of tape. One of the worst offenders is duct tape.

When you're banding an alligator, you need to think about how sensitive their jaws are. A band that's too tight or too sticky can hurt them badly when it's removed- and you want that removal process to be fast, so that it doesn't stress them out too much.

What inspired this post was this picture I saw on Facebook:

That's so much duct tape! Now, this little guy is quite unhealthy; he's been loose in the Pittsburgh area all winter, and he's been struggling. What you see here is a very quick tape job done as he's getting ready for transport. The article didn't say who taped him, but given that he's in a dog crate and was found by bicyclists, I would wager that it was some harried animal control officer who was doing the best they could. And that's fine because this was truly an emergency situation. In an emergency situation, uncomfortable is always, always better than unsafe.

But if you see a tourist attraction and they've put duct tape on their alligator's mouth? That's a red flag! Banding an alligator in public is the safe, correct thing to do- you just want to make sure that it's done right.

If you want more information about alligator jaws, here's some interesting papers to read:

Erickson, Gregory et al. Insights into the Ecology and Evolutionary Success of Crocodilians Revealed through Bite-Force and Tooth-Pressure Experimentation. PLoS ONE 7(3): e31781.

Knight, Kathryn. Croc Jaws More Sensitive Than Human Fingertips. Journal of Experimental Biology (2012) 215.

Sellers et al. Ontogeny of bite force in a validated biomechanical model of the American alligator. Journal of Experimental Biology (2017), 220.

[whumpsday]

Kane & Jim BBU AU #1: 100913

Kane & Jim AUs Masterlist / Next

content: bbu, pet whump, shock collar, broken dish trope

welcome to the Kane & Jim BBU AU! if you don't know what BBU is: in short, it's a shared pet whump universe a bunch of whump authors write in. more info here. as i feel it necessary to state up front to avoid confusion, everyone in this AU is human, no vampires.

@bbu-on-the-side BBU Community Days #3: Discipline

-

913 was a good enough pet.

He wasn't perfect, not by a long shot, but he was good at most of what he needed to do, his tasks. Cleaning wasn't hard. Neither was laundry, or dishes, or caring for plants.

Cooking was especially easy, that was 913's specialty. Not only that, but he enjoyed it, too. He didn't get to enjoy a lot of things at this place. Given it was his specialty, they would probably advertise him for that. Then he could cook every day for his owner and not have to worry about anything else.

However, while the chores came easy to him, the rest didn't. The pet stuff, the things everyone had to learn no matter what kind of pet they were. The positions, and how to talk all polite, that kind of shit. The respect crap, that was where he always messed up, and that was where he got his punishments. He wasn't trying to fuck up, it was just a lot to remember at once. He could never be a platonic.

913 rubbed at his collar. He hoped his owner would get him one without shocks. Even when it wasn't activated, the prongs dug into his neck all the time, and he hated it. Made him antsy.

But he didn't have time to worry about that right now. He grabbed his bucket to take to the other side of the room and continue his mopping.

"100913," Handler Schroeder called from behind as he stepped inside. 913 startled, dropping the water-filled bucket.

Fuck.

Handler Schroeder sighed, obviously irritated, which only made everything worse.

"I'm sorry, sir," 913 mumbled as the water spread over the floor. "Uh, you snuck up on me, so I just-"

913 cut himself off with a shriek as his collar activated, white-hot electricity arcing right into the side of his neck and setting his nerves alight. He fell to his knees, soaking his pants in the soapy water.

"Is that what you're going to do with your owner?" Handler Schroeder accused. "You mess up and blame it on them? Unbelievable. If that's the case, they'll return you right back here for refurbishing, you know. Maybe I should switch your program and make you a guard dog instead."

"I'm sorry, sir," 913 repeated, quieter this time, voice choked up with tears. His eyes bored down into the floor, too afraid to steal a glance at his handler. "Please- please- let me know how I can fix it. I wanna be better. Sir."

Handler Schroeder stomped over and grabbed him by the hair, rough fingers closing in his curls and yanking, forcing him to look up. "I will."

-

It had been a month since 913 got bought, and he was okay.

Master de Sang was miles better than the facility, it wasn't even close. Things were fine here. 913 had his own room, and he spent most of his time looking after the estate. Master liked the meals he cooked, the very thing he'd bought him for. It was fine.

It wasn't like they told him it would be, though. Master wasn't the loving owner he'd been promised. Master was strict. Master had a temper.

He was still better, far better than the handlers. He wasn't always bad. When he was in a good mood, Master could even be nice to be around, better than being alone. Master would play cards with him, or let him watch TV with him. 913 loved the TV, giving him a view into what a person's life was like.

But Master never replaced his collar, and the prongs still dug into his neck every second of every hour of every day, even though Master didn't use the shocks. Yet.

And when Master was irritated, which was almost all of the time, 913 couldn't help but get nervous.

Today was a good day so far, at least. He stole a moment to stand in front of the kitchen window, to feel the sun on his skin. He couldn't remember what it was like to be outside, but he knows he must have been outside at some point. Before. He wonders if the sun feels different when it's not filtered through the glass.

913 let himself have just a moment to bask in its warmth before he got back to cleaning up lunch, the water running over his wrist having no effect on the barcode and number permanently etched into his skin.

As he washed the dishes, he couldn't help but wince as he heard Master stomping around upstairs. He only did that when he was upset, and when he was upset...

He tried to shake it off. Master was just on the phone. That was all.

Master came downstairs just as 913 was finishing drying everything. "Welcome back, Master!" he said, chipper and friendly despite the dread building itself inside him.

Master just scowled at him, as though the greeting had made everything worse. 913 wanted to pull his hair out and scream. He wished he'd gotten a little training in what the platonics do, complex conversations with their owners besides the basic respect and obedience. Maybe he could help Master if he did. But better a domestic than either of the other two.

"Hi," Master said flatly. He leaned against the counter, tapping his fingers against it restlessly.

"Can I get you anything?" 913 asked.

"We just had lunch," Master pointed out. He wasn't looking at 913, but he wasn't sure if that was good or bad. He was staring off into space like he always did when he had family troubles.

He remembered talking to one of the platonics once back in training, 418512. 512 was talking about how they were trained to sometimes be a little more casual, something that might sometimes be interpreted as disrespect. How if they stayed fully respectful all the time, it could come off as cold. Maybe that was why Master was irritated with him.

913 was pretty sure he knew what Master was upset about. It was a risk, but he decided to go for it. He made his voice as soft and sympathetic as he could.

"Is it your father, Master?" he asked quietly.

The slap rang so hard across 913's face that his ears rang. He dropped the mug he was holding, the ceramic shattering against the floor.

Master grabbed 913 by the chin as pain bloomed over his cheek. "Don't you fucking talk about my father. Don't even mention him. Got it?"

"Yes, Master," 913 squeaked, trembling in his grip.

Master threw him to the floor over the jagged pieces. "Clean this up."

He stayed down, not moving from where he was tossed even as the edges cut into his palms. "Yes, Master."

913 stayed completely still until Master left in a huff. Once he could hear the sound of his footsteps fade away, he began picking shards out of his skin, failing not to cry.

-

expect two more of these :)

taglist in reblog

[canisitsnotlupus]

Feel free to ignore this but why is the burrito method bad? A lot of people at my animal hospital do it when a cat is upset and it always seemed like a good thing? I don't wanna hurt any cats so I'd appreciate the explanation, I tried looking it up but all I found was stuff abt how to do it

Again, no pressure to answer, I was just super surprised when I saw that in your latest post

burrito method is, in my opinion, okay for things that are absolutely necessary (vet checks, etc.) however, grooming AND vet care can be made a hell of a lot easier through co-op, which many people simply won't fucking do with their cats. people largely - LARGELY - steal autonomy from their cats and this is really prevalent with vet and grooming care for cats. i see vets who will take time with dogs, let them sniff and get comfortable, then immediately burrito a cat and give no time for it to warm up. and i get it, cats can cause diseases, but.. it's literally flooding and shutting down an animal. that large amount of stress is NOT good. now, it is better to make sure your cat has their shots/vet care/etc. but like grooming? you know the cat is going to need to be groomed when it's a kitten (so obviously, adopted/bought as kitten cats, not adults but you can also train adult cats), and you can train it to be more accepting of those things without the need of flooding.

burrito method is literally teaching a cat that x is bad (going to the vet, groomer, getting in a carrier, etc) and has a large chance to make it worse. this talks about using it as a bmod for cats, which is not the same, but has some good points related and burritoing is expressly mentioned:

now these ARE about socialization, again, (which imo burrito absolutely shouldn't be done, ever) but people are just.. not counter conditioning and teaching co-op to their cats for their cats CAN be groomed and vetted in methods that are not highly traumatic usually (i am not sure i agree with it is safe and humane, if the handler is skilled... no offense but most vet assistants and groomers are underpaid, rushed, and NOT skilled in applying it and most think it requires no skill whatsoever and thus, it is usually traumatic for the cat). because burritoing is SO widely accepted in the pet industry as the 'way' to deal with cats, many people just don't fucking care about teaching their pet better ways. however, co-op is very new in dogs and cats (like.. last decade it really picked up speed?) so there's hope it will be done more and we will see burritoing put to the dark ages. basically, it's a complicated topic, but using burritoing as an 'out' as to why groomers should accept cats is ridiculous due to the problems it, too, brings and the fact it is still risky to the groomer... and it's hard as frick to groom a burritoed cat. sorry i got rambley with this because it's a Hot Topic for me. i absolutely understand using less humane methods to Get The Job Done on necessary care. it sucks, but you have to do what you have to do. the problem is we SHOULD be looking for other methods, SHOULD be training our cats to not need these things for basic care, because we know damn well a cat is going to need grooming at some point, to go to a vet, get shots, etc. so why not make the experience pleasant and not traumatic for the cat? it should not simply be accepting 'well you can just burrito the cat' as the goal. no. educate the owners to training their cats to accept care easier. promote co-op. tell people cats ARE trainable and can be taught to enjoy bathing and care without the use of a method that entirely removes autonomy from the animal.

[c0la-queen]

Clarifying the Hybrid AU

So this is nothing bad, and nothing has happened! I've just realized that there are a few things about the Hybrid AU that may not make sense without context, and it deserves its own post to explain.

Also I'm stepping out of my comfort zone a little posting this, so please bear with me here! I was raised in an environment where I learned to be ashamed of my more "unconventional" preferences, so I've almost always kept them private. But this is something that I want to share with you guys! So I'm trying to be strong here!

Now, this is mainly talking about Hybrid Reader.

I use this Hybrid AU as a form of self-indulgent comfort. Sometimes, in my brain, there are days where I just want to stop having to think, stop having to make decisions. During these times, I get so much comfort from the idea of a "handler" being there to take care of me.

I know to some people, this can seem irregular, or even a little weird. And everyone is entitled to their opinions! But my recommendation to you is that if you don't like it, please don't read it. There might be some other people who, like me, find this kind of thing comforting. So if I can share a little happiness with them, I think it's worth it to put this out there, even if I feel a little flustered doing it.

Additionally, don't think that this AU is all some kink! None of this needs to be taken in any kind of sexual context unless it's specifically written to be NSFW.

Now, here's a few cosmetic bits of the AU that are important to note:

All hybrids are legally required to have a human caretaker known as a Handler. A Handler's job is to take care of their hybrid, as well as keep them out of trouble.

Not all Handlers and Hybrids have relationships that are inherently romantic. Some may have a platonic relationship, some may be familial. It's a case-by-case situation.

Not all Hybrids are the same. Depending on what kind of Hybrid they are, they may have different temperaments, behaviors, needs, or purposes. Some Hybrids may be used in the military, others may be used in occupations like farms. Others simply live as their Handler's companion, providing company in their lives.

Now for a few self indulgent bits, mainly about our specific Bunny Reader:

A Handler getting their Hybrid a collar is very common. It's kind of a big deal to Hybrids, and they'll become extremely attached to their Handler if given one. Again, it's not an inherently sexual thing! For me, collars are a source of comfort and security. It's like something that helps ground me and put me at ease.

Kennels can also be a thing in the AU. Again, just like the collar, it doesn't need to be sexual! It would be a place where the Hybrid goes to calm down when in a panic. If you're picturing some tiny, cramped, bare metal cage, that's not what I'm talking about! Hybrids would want a decent sized kennel, and they would fill it with blankets and pillows and anything else that brings them comfort.

I apologize if to some of you, this seems weird! I don't mean it in any way that is gross or degrading. For me, it's all about having someone love you enough to take care of you when you need it. To trust someone enough with someone that you know they'll keep you safe.

And if anyone else does find any of these ideas comforting and you'd wanna read more of it, please reach out to me in my inbox! I am more than happy to share some of the comfort that I get from this AU with other people. I hope someone gets the same happiness from it that I do!

Sorry if I rambled a little here, and thank you for letting me take a chance here! Mwah mwah! 💚💚💚💚

[insipid-drivel]

I saw your horse post and it made me curious, because you touched on the specific skills needed and how long it takes to develop those skills and how horse temperament can affect ability and stuff. I’m really just curious, but here is a hypothetical for ya: someone who has never been on a horse before or maybe ridden once with help NEEDS to ride a horse for [insert some important, non-negotiable reason here]. The horse is relatively well tempered and has a saddle, stirrups, reins, etc. and the person is careful not to spook it. Can they ride this horse? What are some things a total beginner in this instance would need to know/do to be able to ride this horse? It can be badly ridden/totally unskilled/painful if they’re not used to it, i just want to know if it’s POSSIBLE and what it might be like. I’m a writer, so work with me a little here 😂 (i’m not even writing anything with horses right now, I’m really just curious lmao)

Okay, I love this question, and thank you for providing some specific examples! Let me do my best to break it down for ya based on situation:

Something to keep in mind is the era in which you're setting the scenes for the horses in. If you're talking modern times where horses are luxuries and not necessities? Privately-owned horses tend to only be comfortable with being ridden by people they've been acquainted with and are given guidance by handlers they trust that the new person is okay to get on the saddle. Most well-trained and good-natured horses, in situations with riders they don't recognize or aren't sure of, will usually default to the nearest person they already know and respect, and will accept a new rider if their Beloved Person indicates it's safe and okay. If they're alone, they're not likely to want to cooperate. It acts as its own form of insurance for keeping thieves from breaking into your barn or paddock and riding away with your very, very, VERY expensive horse. (Really though, the cost of keeping a horse is absolutely bananas and always has been; they are EXTREMELY high maintenance and resource-intensive).

So, say the horse this inexperienced rider is trying to get on is a good-natured horse that's used to carrying newbies and strangers. This isn't weird, because there have always been trainers that teach horses to tolerate skill levels of all ranges. Otherwise, kids wouldn't be able to learn to ride very easily during eras in history where horses were your only source of fast transport.

Firstly, horses can have a sense of "work hours". They're diurnal animals and usually prefer to sleep as soon as it gets dark, and wake up and expect to be fed and handled in the pre-dawn hours just before the sky starts to lighten, so they tend to be a lot more approachable and available during the day than if you try to approach at night.

Your character's first hurdle is "gentling" the horse, or convincing it that it's okay to relax enough to let your OC come near and handle them. Horses have nearly 360 degree vision, with their blind spots being directly in front of them and directly behind them. Approaching a horse at a slight angle head-on, slowly, and expressing gentle words and a calm, affectionate demeanor can help a strange horse relax faster, especially if your OC has something to give them as a treat, like an apple or fistful of oats.

(For your OC: Wherever horses are kept overnight, there will always be a food or grain store very near to where the horses are, if not within the same barn as the horses sleep in. The grain store is usually locked for the horses' safety, but if your OC can get in there and grab a fistful of oats or cracked corn, a horse is gonna be much more likely to wanna make friends)

Your OC should never, ever, ever come up behind a horse. Horses will kick anything and everything they perceive behind them as a potential annoyance or threat, including their owners and riders. If your OC has to get around the back end of a horse with no space to stay clear of the horse's kicking-range, they should either not risk it at all, or try to press the front of their body against the horse's hip and slowly hug their butt and scoot around to the side they need to be on. Then, if the horse kicks, your OC will more likely be pushed and knocked sideways instead of impacted with a fist made of solid Hobbit toenails.

Your would-be rider's next hurdle? Getting into the saddle. It looks easy to just step into a stirrup and throw your leg over, but it is actually an acquired skill and exercise (the kind of groin-pull you can give yourself from trying to get in the saddle will make you cry for days), and your character may need a boost using something like a box, stump, or step-stool to make getting on easier. After a while of practice, your muscles build up enough that most riders don't need a boost for long, but complete newbies tend to need an extra boost. Then, it's a matter of grabbing onto the saddle horn (at the top of the horse's shoulder blades in the middle of their back) and slinging one leg over the horse's back. A lot of people have an easier time using their dominant leg as the one they throw over the horse's back, with their non-dominant leg being the one on the boost or in the stirrup, while other people can benefit more from the opposite. It's up to you, really.

The hardest thing your OC is gonna deal with in the saddle is maintaining their center of gravity. Yes, the stirrups help a lot, but the more heavily they sit in the saddle, the rougher the ride becomes. If your OC has testicles, they're going to get badly thrashed if they don't sit with their pelvis rolled forward, so the widest, fattest part of their butt is what's resting on the saddle. If they have a vulva? Yeah, it'll still hurt, because straddling the horse and bouncing is going to cause the soft tissues of your OC's vulva to grind against the front of their pelvis. It hurts. I speak from experience on that one.

Figuring out how to make the horse go is the next challenge if your OC has never been around riders before. Most people are used to seeing a horse kicked into a gallop (where you thump their sides with your heels), but I guarantee your OC will be immediately flung off if they try to hold on to a galloping horse. You have to know how to move with the horse the faster it goes, or else you're just not going to stay on it. Generally, horses are taught to speed up with a gradual squeeze of the heels against their thighs, not a kick. A gentle squeeze, and often a clicking noise with the tongue, is usually enough for most horses to start walking forward.

Another tricky part is properly holding the horse's reins. The reins aren't just one strip of leather that you can pull left and right on to direct the horse; they're usually two leather strips, and a proper beginning holding position is where you make the two strips resemble an arch like a rainbow, where one strip is tighter than the other. Controlling a horse's head includes controlling how far its head is tilted up or down as well as left and right, and there are certain commands that can only be given in combination with certain motions with the reins that an inexperienced rider would never know about, much less how to use. However, it's not unreasonable for them to already know that, while squeezing/kicking with the legs means "go", pulling evenly and gently toward themselves with the reins can signal the horse to slow down or stop.

Your OC may manage to stay alright in the saddle with a trot (the next sped above a walk), but it's very bouncy, and they may fall backward or sideways and off the saddle as a result. Canters (3rd fastest) require even more muscle control than trots and even gallops (full speed), and I can say from my own experience that learning to canter was arguably harder than learning to gallop for me.

So... your OC isn't likely to have great control over the horse at anything faster than a walk, is likely to fall off if they don't have a good sense of their center of gravity, and if they aren't already in good shape? Will inevitably get exhausted from riding. Riding takes up a lot of muscle, and I still remember my legs giving out the first time I ever rode a horse and got off; it took so much control over my legs that I could barely walk after less than an hour of riding.

So, it's possible for a completely inexperienced rider to hop on a tacked-up horse and ride, but they're likely going to struggle a lot with their balance, keeping the horse relaxed, communicating with the horse, and, potentially, a lot of muscle soreness and weakness from a long time in the saddle for the very first time that can make it very hard for them to get to someone in a hurry if they can't ride the entire way to the [important plot point goes here].

I hope that helps!

[sleepdeprivedsimp234]

Do you have lyrics for Texas?

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG BUT WHY YES OFC I HAVE LYRICS FOR MY BOY TEXAS-

—————————

-"Well maybe I'm the f*ggot America! I'm not a part of a redneck agenda. Now everybody do the propaganda! And sing along to the age of paranoia!~" (from “American Idiot” by Green Day)

-"It goes, all my troubles on a burning pile! All lit up and I start to smile! If I catch fire then I change my aim! Throw my troubles at the pearly gates!~" (from "Burning Pile" by Mother Mother)

-"It's no big surprise you turned out this way! When they close their eyes and prayed you would change. And they cut your hair, and sent you away…..You stopped by my house the night you escaped! With tears in my eyes, I begged you to stay! You said, "Hey man, I love you, but no f*cking way!~" (from "Twin Size Mattress" by The Front Bottoms)

-"Just blow out the candles! Oh little boy, when will you learn? You don't play with fire, unless you wanna get burned!(Wanna get burned)Just blow out the candles! Oh, how the tables they've turned! You don't play with fire, unless you wanna get burned, You wanna get burned!~" (from "Burned" by Grace VanderWaal)

Explanations:

1. Honestly, the entire song fits him, but it’s SPECIFICALLY that verse. Cuz y’know, he’s gay and trans and it’s hella frowned upon by a lot of America AND his government. He "doesn’t fit into the agenda". Heaven forbid his handlers/caretakers find out.

2. I feel like Texas often sets aside his problems and acts like they don’t exist or they’re not that bad. And eventually, his problems and anger and sadness all build up and he breaks. Am I projecting? Yes. Shut up-

3. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. RELIGIOUS. TRAUMA. This doesn’t need to much of an explanation I don’t think. Just know that he has religious trauma revolving around his mental health diagnosis’s and his being part of the LGBTQIA+. Mexico is an asshole. Texas doesn’t hate Christians tho unless they’re using it an excuse to put others down just cuz they don’t like their way of living. Then he has a problem. Again, projecting? Yes. Yes I am.

4. This song gives the vibes of him giving Mexico repetitive warnings before the Mexican–American War happened. Just giving him a clear warning that he needs to stop treating them all like sh*t or else there will be consequences. Did the bastard listen? Nope. Cuz ofc he didn’t.

[shiftythesilverfox]

Shifty why fo you hate Dandy

Oh I don't just HATE Dandicus, I despise that stupid weed. Possibly more than Shrimpo, and we're all aware of how I feel about that guy.

Now as for why I hate him, I don't actually know. I've just never liked him? He's always given me bad vibes, especially recently. For one, how come he's the only one of us without a handler? I think it's unfair HE gets to just run around freely while the rest of us have to have humans breathing down our necks watching our every move. Closest he had to one was Pebbles handler!

And another thing, when we don't buy from him he gets so unreasonably angry it is INSANE. Dude needs help if he thinks his friendships are in danger just because we don't wanna buy the gumballs he probably found on the floor! If he wanted us to buy things he'd lower his prices and give us better crap, like Band-Aids or smoke bombs!

Speaking of his prices, why is he SO obsessed with those tapes? Like he didn't seem to care until, y'know... It's just weird? He seems very panicked anytime we try and go back to the lobby with some tapes, too, he always seems to find a reason and a way to take them from us...

One good thing I learned about him recently though is that if you strangle him, he sounds like a squeaky toy! Not saying I strangled him, for legal reasons, but it's quite entertaining.

[starakex]

Otakuthon 2024 Cosplay Recap

I used to do con recaps and I kinda miss it. I'm still writing down post-mortem entries on costumes offline to keep track of the good and the bad of a costume's first wear, though. It's helped me learned from mistakes and apply solutions to future builds to avoid issues.

While I don't really wanna review the con itself, I think making these logs public is very relevant information to pair up with Build Logs, so it's time to revive the tradition.

So, let's set the stage real quick. This is at Otakuthon, and it's a 35k+ people convention that keeps happening in the middle of a heat wave almost Every. Damn. Year. Also, 35k+ people is very much over the limit the convention area can comfortably take. Also it was humid as all hell. And so, so hot.

On a personal level, I've been dealing with general hobby exhaustion from things like wig burns, The Sensory Bullshit That Is Stage Makeup, and spending too much time stressing over keeping a costume intact for photos. So this year, the goal was "Silly, Casual, and No Bullshit." No wigs, no makeup, and everything has to be carry-able in a bag or two on public transit. Having begun this philosophy shift after last year's Otakuthon, I made three costumes during the year, leading to debut them during the 2024 edition.

Friday!

Friday was Robed Man from hit video game Final Fantasy VII Remake/Rebirth. I made Cloud many years ago, but the exhausting perfectionism bullshit I was carrying within me was keeping me from feeling like making another named character from the series. Figured this would be a silly idea that could be re-worn for future Final Fantasy events. Friday was the perfect day for it since there was a Distant Worlds concert in the evening.

The Good:

Super quick to set up in the morning. Just a little bit of eye shadow to accentuate the dead fish look, throw the whole costume in a bag and it's good to go. More sleep, yay!

My purse fit under the whole thing for a seamless, accurate look, which was unintended but neat.

It was super easy to pull off and put back on within seconds whenever it got too hot.

The Bad:

It's supposed to be lightweight and breathable, but even with a tank top and shorts underneath I was sweating up a storm. The cloak is so big that it became too heavy to catch any air flow.

Despite pre-washing the fabric, the fabric's dye rubbed off on a couple things, notably the silicone on my water bottle and the rubber backing of some pins. Not on skin or clothes, thankfully.

Verdict: Worked as intended. a snap button's stitching broke on one of the scarves but the button stayed in place, so I quickly fixed it when I noticed it. As for the fun factor, it was great. It made for hilarious candid photos, and there was only a smidge of eye shadow to watch out for instead of the whole face being covered in makeup. It's absolutely unrecognizable IRL from the front though in a large convention setting full of costumed people, so not even FFVII cosplayers said anything 😭 It was fun to bring out for the concert, but I'm mostly looking forward to pulling it out for other small events now instead of cons.

Saturday!

Sonic was the costume for the big day. He was one of my dream cosplays when I first got into the hobby as a teen, so finally having it as a mascot cosplay was, well, SUPER HYPE. I was apprehensive bringing in a full-body mascot after sweating my ass off with just a cloak, but then decided I wasn't going to skip my chance to be Sonic and just go for it. I needed to do it at least once... The Good:

EVERYTHING (ish). SO HYPE

It was reasonable to carry in public transport with large enough bags. Not the most optimal, but more than acceptable. Two bags just so the shoes aren't rubbing on everything else.

I could put it on and remove it quickly without help, and wear it partially when I needed to cool off (arms tied at the waist and head in hand)

Surprisingly easy to navigate with. I didn't need a handler at all times, and spent most of my time fullsuiting by myself. Performing was comfortable, vision was very good straight ahead, and range of motion was excellent outside of the head spikes.

Against all odds, this was super comfortable despite the heat wave! The underlayer carried this entire experience. I could wear the full thing and perform in short hour bursts, then remove the head and pull the suit halfway down for a break with a neck fan, often while going to a panel or something like that. I was still sweating (drenched, even), but the underlayer just made it feel hot instead of sticky and disgusting and cooled down very quickly during breaks.

Sidenote, but I think I look really fuckin' cool with the head off and my badass disheveled hair. Like I felt REALLY COOL instead of worrying about ruining my makeup or whatever stressors I'd have with other costumes.

The donut-shaped support inside the head was great at redistributing the weight comfortably. Didn't have have neck or head pain the whole time.

Batteries for integrated head fans and neck fan did not run out with a whole day of wear.

The Bad:

The integrated head fans didn't seem help much. They didn't cool things to any noticeable degree, and the lack of mouthhole makes this a very sweaty head (especially compared to Wurmple; more below). They might've kept the head from being absolutely dogshit to wear, but it's hard to tell if it actually moved air around. Not a massive issue with the regular breaks, however.

Minor gripe, but the fan system I bought didn't have a on-off switch, so I had to dig in the battery pocket to unplug the fans every time I took a longer break.

The shoes, while easy to walk in, force longer strides that gave me quite the calf workout by the end of the day.

No major breaks during the day, but the shoes' rubber soles slightly peeled off in a few spots by the end of the day. Nothing a little contact cement can't fix., and technically "good" since it means I can safely remove and replace it if it gets too worn out.

I need someone to hold the head if I want to go to the bathroom, otherwise I'm having a really bad time.

Sonic looks kinda booby unfortunately but that's the perfectionist talking and I've vowed to destroy that mindset

Verdict: Holy shit this was worth braving the heat wave, worth all the hours trying to get the build looking just right, worth EVERYTHING! The reception from the people was awesome; I haven't talked to this many people in years, and everybody loved the mascot so much. I got to nerd out about Sonic, nerd out about the build, fist bump people and make them smile. It's my first fullsuit and it turns out I also love the performance aspect of it. The build lasted throughout the whole day with no damage (outside of the rubber soles, but I was expecting more than the small amount that began peeling) The perfectionism mindset I've been fighting with for years wasn't an issue because all the things I spent time getting just right are actionable design decisions like scale and material choices, not just "welp, I don't look like what I had in mind wearing this because I'm a real human and not a stylized 2d character."

Sonic re-ignited my love for cosplay and gave me a whole new style of costume I want to keep exploring and working on. Obviously planning to take Sonic out to other conventions if I can troubleshoot how to fit him into a suitcase.

Sunday!

Wurmple was my official first foray into fursuit making proper. I wanted to make a suit for years and finally committed, but I wasn't super interested in making an OC/fursona at the time so I picked a Pokémon I liked that looked interesting to make (I really wanted to sew the grub butt). I made him all the way back last August; he's the first costume from the "fuck wigs and makeup" era. I wanted to go for a bug-catcher summer look, complete with a little bug "cage" and a net. (I was genuinely worried someone might get full size nets a bad rap at the con with the gnome meme currently going on, so I just went with a tiny shrimp net instead.)

The Good:

The head is actually really breathable. Partialing plays a major part in the overall comfort, but the breathing hole is positioned in such a way a neck fan blows straight into it. The only sweaty area is the contact spot between my back and the tail.

It's easy to bring to the con, like the other costumes. Just stuff the parts in a small bag and go.

The dang thing is basically indestructible, so there's no worries navigating crowds or squishing the tail to sit down or whatever.

The Bad:

The vision is terrible. I absolutely need to hang onto a handler or remove the head if I'm doing anything more than standing around and talking. It's so narrow it messes up with my depth perception. The curse of trying to engineer vision out of a weird character design...

I can't really sit down on a chair with this tail unless I shove it to the side or remove it entirely, which is cumbersome since I thread the tail belt to my shorts for extra stability.

The tail is kind of dumptrucky enough that it got caught in the crowd more often than Sonic's whole costume did overall. Probably because Sonic is so massive he commands respect of personal space and Wurmple's bugass is very subtle in some angles, but it's enough of a concern to point out.

Verdict:

People got a good laugh out of Wurmple and more attention than I've gotten for costumes on average in the last couple years, so that was fun. No breakage either, but I expected these results since I've worn it outside a few times now. It was also by far the least sweaty costume of the weekend, being "regularly" comfortable despite the heat wave (in part thanks to the smaller Sunday crowd.) But the vision really dampens the experience enough that I'd rather keep it for furmeets or other less active events than a full-on convention. Enough workarounds to still be worth bringing around, but I'd love making another Pokésuit that doesn't have this glaring vision issue to rep the series!

Closing

Overall, if you ignore the massive crowds in a tiny space and the debilitating heat wave, Otakuthon went super well! It didn't stand out much event-wise to the other years (though getting to meet Shota Nakama and seeing the Distant Worlds performance were two standouts experiences), but the personal end of it, cosplay-wise, was a huge success. The people I got to interact with were all wonderful, and I got to figure out a new costume niche I want to explore more (hint: less wigs, more mascots). I'd say it was one of my favorite cons to date for cosplaying. I'm writing this as the costumes are drying, and my last observation is that save for the fursuit heads and Sonic's shoes, these costumes can survive the washing machine (something I always try to account for) and I'm so very thankful for that. Washing the heads by hand was a wholeass workout in in itself though, but thankfully Sonic's eyes are waterproof and the electronics are remove-able so I can deep clean him for the next event! On the menu for future events: repair Sonic's shoes, implement a on/off switch in Sonic's fan systems, and start planning out a new Pokémon fursuit. Hope this might've shed some light on the kind of post-mortem observations I note down after wearing new cosplays to a con! Thank you for reading.

[monty-glasses-roxy]

I can see Gregory throughing a squeaky toy and Roxy/Roxanne wolf would case it.

But then he see cassie.

Gregory.

So roxy little sister dasent react to squicky toy?

Cassie.

I may be a Wolf like my big sister Roxy but I do not react to dog toys !.

Gregory.

Humm. Let me think here. Fazbare...

* Wait *

* a evil grin appears on Gregory face as he pull out a dog whistle and uses it *

* I can see fazbare reusing roxy ears on cassie animatronics body to save at least a little bit of money *

* Roxy/Roxanne wolf and cassie both cover there ears and growl at Gregory win the dog whistle was used *

Oh my god a dog whistle...

I just looked it up and apparently they don't typically hurt the dog or cause any damage so long as they're used properly and not like... Directly in their ear and stuff. Apparently they're used for recall training and stuff which is neat! And with another look, there's sheepdog whistles used for training herding dogs which I really should have known since I've seen them do that before, but I didn't realise it was a specific kind of whistle. That's pretty cool! The more you know!

Honestly, at this point, all I can imagine is management or the Plex staff getting so annoyed at Roxy being Roxy and trying everything to try and get her to do as she's told for once. Like the manager assigns a handler to her who's whole job is try using the dog side of her brain against her by using dog training techniques on her. So some guy is trying to get her to do things on the whistle for a reward of some kind and it works, sure, but she's also not a dog. Like, she can figure out what they're doing here and find loopholes or just straight up steal the whistle. She can just take the reward when they're not looking cause she knows where they're kept and keeping it on a high shelf doesn't work with an animatronic wolf lmao

Maybe after several attempts going South, it's deemed a lost cause and now the whistle is only used to get her attention when she's ignoring all the messages they're sending her again. Or maybe to wake her up from a nap when she doesn't wanna cooperate or something I dunno but I love the mental image of management fucking chasing her around with a dog whistle, a clicker and a chew toy to try and get her to do stuff she doesn't wanna do lmao

If this starts happening in the Fazcade, DJ plays Yakity Sax every time. It's become free entertainment for the animatronics and staff members to watch management try every trick in the book on her and nothing ever works... It would be pretty funny if it worked in unintended ways though. Like, Roxy hears the whistle from across the Plex and in her brain, that means someone has something for her so she shows up immediately. She gets something, sure, but they also give her several commands or jobs to do that she may or may not do. It might give her something to do if she's bored, but I bet a lot of times she just shows up, takes the reward for showing up and leaves lmao

If the manager is particularly good at dog training, they might be trying so hard not to get frustrated with this. A dog is more likely to learn if they do it willingly and can leave if they want to, so if Roxy isn't willing, trying to force her will have the opposite effect. And they've come so far! She shows up for the whistle! And sometimes she does what she's asked to do! If they start trying to force her into things or start severely punishing lack of cooperation, she's just gonna go back on all of this! So they can't force her! No matter how much they want to just grab her by the nose and drag her where she needs to be! It's driving them insane but look how far they've come!

Roxy playing fucking mind games here. Shows up when whistled for, gets her reward and then sometimes does just enough of what they ask her to do to keep them thinking they're making progress, stringing them along as long as possible. It means she keeps getting rewarded for the absolute bare minimum she loves it

Of course, Roxy does everything she's supposed to anyway, but if they're going the dog training route, they've probably figured out she's bored most of the time. So now they're trying to keep her out of trouble with other things and this is the only one that's shown any semblance of success lmao she's so fucking lucky she's become the boardroom's favourite and is too expensive to replace now. Like as soon as she knows that, there's just no hope anymore.

I dunno that could be pretty funny maybe

Anyway, I know this isn't what you were asking about so... Imagine Roxy standing there, frozen solid, eyes closed, arms crossed, ears flat back and jaw tightly shut, because Gregory is trying to get her to chase a squeaky ball. He has a whole bag full of them. Roxy is struggling so hard with all the squeaks and she wants to just leave so badly but she knows if she moves even an inch, she's gonna break into zooms and she can't have that... So she's spamming Cassie with messages to come and save her right the fuck now.

Cassie shows up, sees what's going on and immediately drags Gregory out and confiscates all the squeaky balls. The door shuts behind him, she turns to Roxy. "Heehee he's gone!" and Roxy gives her the biggest puppy eyes ever. "You ready?" Cassie asks her as she holds a ball up. Roxy makes a little dog noise of affirmation, and in a flash, the ball is squeaked and thrown across the Raceway as far as Cassie could manage.

Roxy is fucking gone. Cassie can't keep up with her. All you can hear in the empty Raceway is excited squeaking and laughter. Roxy is zooming around the place so fast she puts her go-karts to shame, squeaking the ball like crazy, jumping off the walls and flying over the railings, while Cassie keeps picking up more squeaky balls, squeaking them for Roxy's attention, and throwing them for her as far as possible again. She's curious how many Roxy will try to chew and squeak at once. If the Minis are here, they're helping grab and throw more of them, sometimes drawing her in three directions at once so she doesn't know who to run to first.

This is Roxy enrichment of the highest level! Her favourite game ever! Her brain just switches off and all that's going through her head is squeaks and the need to run even faster! She's having an absolute blast and a half! The game only ends once she's ran out of steam and flops over on the floor for a rest. Her tail does not stop wagging and the squeaking may slow down, but also won't stop at all for at least another hour lmao

It just hits the perfect spot in the dog half of her programming, it's so much fun for her and the most effective way to de-stress she's ever found. And of course, Cassie loves it too. It's so fun to play these kinds of games and to see how excited Roxy gets. If Cassie is an animatronic dog here too in the scenarios you've created? Sure, she doesn't wanna chase the ball too, but even humans roughhouse. There's no way Roxy doesn't crash into her and start a play fight, or that Cassie doesn't try and wrestle the ball away from her sometimes. And if it's a squeaky bear or something? Well there's always tug of war!

Only problem is Roxy getting too carried away and accidentally hurting Cassie a little bit. It's not usually that bad, and sometimes Cassie returns the favour in the next game by also getting carried away, but it upsets Roxy every single time. But she's still very much in her dog brain usually so she comes over to Cassie, eyes all big and pathetic, whining and nudging her with her nose all sad and apologetic... Cassie hugs her every time, says it's fine, she's not hurt that bad, it was an accident, it happens... And then grabs the squeaky ball from behind Roxy and brings the fun back by insisting they keep playing with a lot of squeaks lmao

[demigirlboss2girlrotboogaloo]

Hey can singular individuals stop acting like they speak for all disabled people? Cool. You're disabled. You can make art the traditional way. Onya love. I'm also disabled. I can't make most traditional art. I can't make music. I can't draw. I can hardly right. I find AI to be a useful tool. You don't wanna use it, more power to ya. There's people out there who made art despite being horribly disadvantaged? Good for them! They're awesome!

But they're not representative of every single disabled person out there.

There is nothing more ableist than acting as though, because you can do something, everyone can. Maybe I just don't have the fucking spoons to learn how to draw a straight fucking line. Maybe I can barely find the time in any given day to do anything at all, in between doing everything I need to do just to *survive.* Maybe, just maybe. I have different needs than you do. I have different capabilities than you do. And I need to see them addressed in different ways. For every success story of someone who overcame the odds, there's an uncountable number that didn't. For every Ramanujan there's a billion slum kids who don't even know how to read. For every Hawking there's ten thousand people with physical disabilities whose voices are ignored by their abled handlers. For every Longstaff there's a hundred people whose lack of limbs renders them unable to even make a living, let alone find the time to learn how to draw or paint with their feet. For every Kahlo, there are so, so, so many children in my home country who continue to die of polio, or are permanently disabled by it, due to antivaccine rhetoric in remote rural regions of the country.

For every you there are eight billion individuals who are not you. You are unique. And that's wonderful. But you are not everyone. And you don't speak for everyone. Not now, not ever. *Especially* within a group as nuanced and fractalized as disabled people.

"ai is making it so everyone can make art" Everyone can make art dipshit it came free with your fucking humanity

[cheerfulmelancholies]

Mysterious New Member-Chapter 8

This is the final chapter I had posted so far on FFN and AO3, but be on the lookout for more over the weekend. I'm planning on posting 3 more chapters between Saturday and Sunday.

-------

The Battle Force 5, sans Tezz, strode into Zeke's diner and took their places in their usual booth, Diana following them. The place was, as usual, devoid of any real customers aside from themselves and Sheriff Johnson, who left the second he laid eyes on Stanford. Apparently, he hadn't let go of the dance battle incident. Zeke himself was absorbed in a show about how aliens were living on Earth, disguised as police of all things. He eyed the spot the sheriff had been moments ago and hummed.

The team chatted amicably, and only stopped once they were greeted by Grace.

"The usual order, please," Spinner said. Pointing a finger in the air, he added, "And one giant chocolate milkshake for me."

"Don't you ever learn?" came Agura from across the table. "You know that doesn't mix well with anything other than sugar."

"That's because I drank it too fast. I have a plan this time: One slice of pizza for every two gulps. That way, it's not right on top of the other."

"Wouldn't it make more sense to just wait a little while before getting the milkshake?" Vert questioned, already knowing the answer.

"No. Because then I wouldn't get to enjoy both at the same time."

"I'd like to order a much more reasonably sized milkshake," said Stanford amongst the back and forth.

"What kind?" she asked, pen at the ready.

"The kind that's as sweet as your smile." He wiggled his eyebrows and everyone groaned.

Grace rolled her eyes and chose to ignore him, turning to Diana. "And what about you? The usual?" She didn't miss the sudden discomfort that formed in the air. Everyone's gazes narrowed and Diana's eyes widened a fraction as she stared at her.

"Usual?" Spinner asked, baffled. "You mean you've been here before?"

They were all looking at her now and she played it off with a laugh. "Um, yeah? You guys saw me that time, remember? I was still wary of you," she said, referencing to their original run-ins with each other.

"How many times have you been here?" Vert questioned, feeling uneasy. Why would she be hanging around here long enough to have a usual order? How long had she been here? She'd made it sound like she was in Handler's Corners for only a few days. He thought back to the graphs Sage had shown him and noted how some of them had readings from several weeks back. He felt stupid. Of course they were all her. They would have to be.

Grace didn't miss the pleading look Diana sent her and was about to cover for her when Zeke chose that exact moment to lose interest in his show.

He leaned over the counter as he spoke. "Oh, she's been coming here at least a month now. Maybe two." He thought about it for a moment. "Yeah, I'd reckon it was two. You live in that town out West, don't you? What was it? Uh, Carlson, or something?"

Everyone stayed frozen in place. Zeke heard his program come back on and turned round again, forgetting all about the bombshell he just dropped.

"Cardston," Diana corrected, withholding a sigh. She chuckled awkwardly and felt her lips pull into a nervous smile at the stares of the others. She was at the end of the booth, perfectly able to run and never look back, but she knew it would be pointless. Instead, she looked at Grace and said, "The usual, please." She proceeded to act like it didn't happen, metaphorically twiddling her thumbs.

Grace strode off to fulfill their orders, sending her boss a glare that he didn't notice. The others sat in tense silence.

"So," Vert began, tone firm, "you wanna tell us how long you've really been here?"

She looked away. "I'll admit, it's longer than you were probably thinking."

"Two months? What were you doing here for two whole months?"

"I wasn't aware I needed permission to be here. Maybe I've got family, did you ever think of that? Or that I maybe live here?"

"You obviously don't."

"Okay, yeah, that last one was pretty stupid. But my point still stands. What's it to you what I was doing here anyway? Clearly, I just like to get lunch."

"We're not trying to accuse you of anything," Agura said, hoping to ease some of the tension. "It's just that you lied to us about being here and you lied to us about your car. We can't help but be a little mistrustful."

She leveled a glare at her. "I never explicitly stated how long I'd been here. And I haven't lied to you on my car. It's just a Camaro."

"A Camaro that leaves strange anomalies in its wake," Sherman put in.

"Oh, and your cars aren't anomalies?" She gave them each a withering glare. "Listen, I want to trust you, but I'm not gonna do that with all the scrutiny. Especially since I know just as little about each of you."

Grace appeared with their orders and they thanked her, not really paying her much mind. She slinked away to leave them to their affairs.

Lowering her voice, Diana added, "If I'd known this team of yours came with a spill-all-your-secrets order, I would never have joined you. Now listen, for the last time, leave. Me. Alone." She grabbed a slice of pizza and took a massive bite out of it.

The others started eating and that was how they stayed, chewing their food in uncomfortable silence. Occasionally, one of them would try to brighten things up but always failed. Even their previous joy had faded. The mood was dead.

By the time they finished, the sun was beginning to set. They paid and left one by one, Diana putting some distance between herself and the others. She saw the apologetic frown Grace wore and shook her head, hoping the other girl understood she wasn't mad at her. She fell into Whiplash and followed the taillights.

Upon returning, the team split up. Diana, unsure of herself, decided now would be an excellent time to go grab some extra gear from home. She headed up to the shop to get her house keys from the Camaro, intending to drive Whiplash, and found Tezz hovering over her car with a scanner, hood up. The doors and trunk were wide open and any belongings she'd left in there were scattered about. She grit her teeth and walked up to him, careful not make any noise.

Tezz let out a shout when he felt something strike the back of his head. Keeping his grip on his equipment, he spun around to find Diana, looking livid, glaring at him.

"What do you think you're doing?" she demanded before he could speak. He'd somehow defeated the locks and had obviously been rummaging through every nook and cranny he could find. She felt violated. "What the hell, man?" She shoved him away and slammed the hood shut, assessing the damage. She'd kill him if anything was missing.

"You don't really expect me to believe nothing is special about that car, do you?" he asked, straightening himself out.

"No. I expect you not to tear up my stuff like that," she growled, checking the glove box. "Who do you think you are?"

"A scientist. And as a scientist, it's my job to investigate things of scientific interest." The readings he'd gotten were fascinating.

"Do parts of ribs being lodged in your lungs count as 'scientific interest?'"

Vert happened upon them and stepped in before things got ugly. "What's going on?" He already had a good feeling, judging by Diana's anger and Tezz's disgruntled expression. The equipment surrounding him wasn't helping to prove his innocence.

She whirled around to face him. "This," she said, gesturing to her Camaro. "This is exactly the reason why I don't trust you people." She set about straightening up, ignoring the two men behind her.

Vert never felt a stronger urge to hit one of his own team than right now. His voice was like ice. "Tezz. What were you thinking?"

"Don't pretend you wouldn't have done this. You know she is hiding something. This car is not built like a traditional vehicle. There are traces of Sentient tech."

"You're the worst excuse for a scientist I've ever seen," she shot, putting stuff back into the trunk.

Vert knit his brows, anger replaced by worry. "Are you sure about that, Tezz?" That was a pretty bold claim for spending a couple of hours making a mess out of a car.

"I'm pretty sure of it," she said, slamming the trunk shut.

Tezz ignored her. "I am positive. See?" He showed Vert the computer model he'd made of the Camaro's layout and brought up images of a stock Camaro to compare. Pointing at numerous items, he said, "These are devices which seem to rely on Sentient technology. They have similar composition to a number of components, including some found in our own vehicles. I am not sure of their purpose. I was still in the process of trying to uncover their secrets when Diana interrupted me."

"You say that like I'm gonna give you another chance to look at this thing. She climbed into the driver's seat, brushing aside her paperwork and documents that Tezz had pulled out of the glove box.

"Hold on, Diana," Vert said, stepping over Tezz's equipment to get to her. "Let's just talk about this." His hunch had been proven right and he had to know why a random girl with no connection to them or their town had a car packed with hidden Sentient tech.

"No," she said, turning the key, the sound of the engine overpowering their argument. "I'm through talking." She put the car into reverse.

"Where are you going?" He couldn't let her leave. Not now.

"I need to grab some fresh clothes from home. Think of this as time to get your priorities in order." She gave Tezz a look. "Maybe you can use that brain of yours to figure out something useful. Like an apology." She pulled out into the desert and sped off, engine roaring. As much as she enjoyed Whiplash, she had missed the loud snarl of the Camaro.

Vert looked at Tezz, expression unreadable.

"Do you want me to show Sage my findings?" he guessed, not liking the look on his face.

"Yeah. I think we need to figure things out ourselves." They walked back into the Hub, Vert feeling uneasy.

Chapter 9: here

Chapter 7: here

[feralmoonlight]

I wish you luck with your endeavors with the Sleuths- all I'm gonna say is that I ended up simping for/ releating heavily to Y/N in that story-

Okay okay back to THE MEAT-

I don't wanna ruin any plot peices however, the idea that Y/N shows the boys how people are supposed to treat them seems like a important peice of the pie.

I can fully imagine this super shy Y/N learn about how shittily their current "handler" is being and get Sun to talk about said treatment giving him a safe space. Mind you maybe this comes up in casual conversation and Sun says it like it's no big deal.

Do you this this Y/N would be proactive in their want to help Sun/Moon? (Of course once they get to know them more cuz anxiety is fun)

*Deep breath* As an anxiety riddled idiot myself... I will absolutely bend over backwards and go out of my way and basically ruin myself to help someone in need I'm even slightly close to? It is a problem lol. BUT that said, I DO feel like this YN would be an absolute bleeding heart, and while they aren't really 'well off' themself, especially if we go the artist route (ordering out that much just for a chance to talk to this dude would hurt their wallet -oh god is this a crush or just the crippling loneliness theyd didn't realize they had???-) learning even a bit about how they're doing this job for some other human thats basically forcing them to or they'll kick them to the curb would light a blind rage inside. It would take a bit to actually manifest into action though. Don't wanna overstep or push too hard cause what if saying something about that would push them away from you? What if one day you said the wrong thing, and then the next time they made a delivery they just... Handed the food off and left. Like they're supposed to. What if they DIDN'T sit around and talk for fifteen-twenty minutes, or make sure that your delivery was the last stop so they could make some excuse to stay over for the night(Moons introduction pending???)

What if you lost your currently only local... friend? Are you friends? Becuase YOU thought something that's working for them is bad and YOU want them to change their whole life just cause YOU're reading too much into a situation? But talking more, realizing they're actually unhappy about it, cause this human is NOT their friend as much as they claim them to be(realizing they call them their friend to be polite but it always lacks the same bounce and energy as when he calls YOU friend, or sunshine, or any other cute little pet name he's picked out for the day).  It always falls flat. Like it's forced. Like the lines of his smile strain when he dips into discussing his personal life... No, that's too heartbreaking, for such a wonderful sweet PERSON like him to have to deal with. They have their freedom now, but they're still being treated like a tool? Not on your watch. You start making the effort of inviting him to stay over, and it starts to become second nature, even on days when you havent ordered food, to hear the soft knock on your front door, different patterns but always the same tone, that you have a visitor for the night. CUE MOON REVEAL. Because everyone loves a sudden power outage. He's WELL aware of how friendly you've been with Sun, casually commenting in the back of his mind, convinced there's something wrong with you and teasing constantly BUT he also is under the full belief that you're full of shit and using him somehow. There's an ulterior motive. There has to be. So far out of every human they've interacted with, you're the only one that treats them THIS different. Yeah some are nice enough, but the interactions are short and dismissive. The guy they work for now is a complete dick and insists Moon not be let out at all. He's scared of him, and for good reason. He's tired of being cooped up though, so when you and Sun were sitting in the livingroom, something queued up on the TV, you working on a commission on the couch with the golden animatronic crosslegged on the floor and leaning back against the seat next to you.. Well. Lights out, and time for an introduction. He had a hunch you were considering asking about him staying with you, but you still had no idea there was this other side to sun. And Moon is about to push ALL of the buttons that should make you abort. He's very good at that. He knows better than to kill you, though. Sun wouldn't forgive him. But if he can make you show off your true colors, how you'd handle Moon, if you'd make the same cruel decision to keep him locked away and missing his half of this new freedom, well. That's one thing he and Sun had talked about in the past. Something that always made him hesitate to mention Moon existing. He was scared Moon would be right. (tune in next time for 'how unhinged and dangerous is moon currently? who fucking knows!')

[alirhi]

...goddess help me...

This fucking episode. *deep breath* This... This episode is where I'm expecting to get some serious hate. Let me just get this out of the way right up front:

I. Hate. Zemo.

I do not find him sympathetic, or funny, or charming. I find him creepy and annoying. I did not like him in CA:CW and I do not like him in TFATWS. If you are pro-Zemo, you are not going to like my version of this show from here on out. Just find something else to read and don't bother me about it. You've got the actual canon, so go enjoy that.

Got it? Good. Now, on to the main event!

Episode 3: The Power Broker

First of all, Sam doesn't let Bucky walk in there alone. No matter Bucky's (flimsy and nonsensical) argument, Sam's like "hell no. I go in with you, or you don't go in." The main reason for this isn't to keep Bucky from breaking Zemo out of prison (with decent writing, he would never do that) - it's so that Sam witnesses Zemo taunting Bucky with/about the trigger words. because Zemo is a piece of shit.

Since he doesn't know the full story, Sam is confused, but he files this interaction away to ask Bucky about later. He's listening to Zemo acknowledging that Bucky was "not conscious for most of [his] imprisonment" (which, yes, clearly refers to the time he spent frozen, but can also mean while he was under their control as TWS/"The Asset" - also, key word: imprisonment) and when he calls Bucky a means to an end, Sam scowls, looking ready to go off on him, but he waits. They've got more important issues.

Neither of them entertains the thought of breaking Zemo out for even a nanosecond. He does that shit himself. And literally the only reason I'm sticking with him getting out at all is because I want to address some truly egregious moments linked directly to him in the show. Zemo makes them think he's setting them on the trail when really he's just sending them to his motor pool. Bucky and Sam are confused until they see Zemo in his stolen guard uniform, then they're both angry and want to ship him right back to prison, but he strikes a deal with them: "My help for my temporary freedom. Creating super soldiers cannot be allowed to continue; let me finish my work, and then do with me as you will." He has no intention of going quietly back to prison, obviously, and they're not stupid enough to believe otherwise, but they believe they can keep him on a short leash, so they agree for now. Anything to bring down the Flag Smashers and whoever created them.

After the title, we cut to Raynor on the phone in her office. She's agitated, fiddling with things on her desk. "No, sir," she's practically growling, "it was disrupted. - Walker did! - It's not my fault your new attack dog got off-leash!" She pauses, huffs, and says more calmly, "No. Of course not. I'm sorry. - Well, I don't see how, with the new Cap strutting around barking orders! - What am I supposed to do? Tell Captain America in front of a dozen witnesses that he can't have his predecessor's favorite pet because we're not done reprogramming him? I didn't see that going over too well. I made a call. - No. No, no, no, we can still use him. The work's not finished, but he still trusts me. He'll be back." A pause as she listens. Angry again, she snaps, "What do you want me to do, shove a tracker up his ass? He'll be back, and we'll pick right back up where we left off! - Don't worry, sir, the Asset will be fully compliant and ready to use soon. I'll make sure of it. - Yes, sir. You, too." She hangs up and tosses her phone on the couch, grumbling, "Dick."

Cut back to Sam, Bucky, and Zemo getting going on their trip to Madripoor. On the plane, Sam wants to talk to Bucky about what he's learned so far, but doesn't want to bring it up in front of Zemo... until the notebook incident reminds him that Zemo already knows more about Bucky than he does.

After Zemo's line about the list, Sam angrily corrects him: "You mean people HYDRA used The Winter Soldier to hurt." When Zemo shrugs and his response is basically along the lines of "what's the difference" Sam is like "oh hell no."

"Those words you were reciting at him," he reminds Zemo, "what were they, Russian? They clearly meant something. They were supposed to do something. What are they?" "Sam, let it go," Bucky pleads, unable to look at either of them. "It's nothing." "You wanna drown in your guilt, that's fine," Sam snaps, "but make sure it's for the right reasons." He turns back to Zemo, who's smiling at this exchange because he's a monster and thinks Bucky's suffering is fucking funny. "I asked you a question, Zemo. What did those words do?" "They activate the Winter Soldier programming," Bucky grudgingly admits. He doesn't want to talk about it, but he's sure as hell not going to let Zemo speak for him. "Or, they did, before the Wakandans got all that shit out of my head." "It's a shame," Zemo says with a smirk. "Imagine the possibilities that come with perfect obedience." "I think you mean 'slavery'," Sam growls, "and I think you're in the wrong crowd to be looking so pleased about it. Remember that we can send your ass back to prison any time." "Of course," Zemo agrees, but with an arrogant smile that shows he doesn't believe for a second that these two have any real power over him. Still, he bides his time and sits back quietly, watching Bucky fidget with the notebook. Sam turns back to Bucky, seeing his discomfort; he won't let the topic go, though, not yet. He just softens his tone. "So, they 'activated the Winter Soldier'? What exactly does that mean?" Bucky shrugs, still not looking up. "Pretty much what he said - perfect obedience. What little consciousness they left me between cryo and the chair was squashed down, locked away. And I did whatever I was told, exactly the way they told me to." It finally clicks. He'd had his suspicions before, of course, but now Sam gets it. Visibly horrified, he stares at this quiet, broken man, and finally sees the truth of what he'd been through for 70 years: "They stripped away your autonomy. Shit, Bucky, they didn't even let you be a person. That's..." He swallows, looking like he'll be sick any minute. "That's awful, man. I'm so sorry." When Bucky tries to shrug it off and downplay it again, Sam gets angry. "Look at me!" He waits; it takes a few seconds, but Bucky reluctantly looks up and is surprised to see just how upset Sam is on his behalf. "It wasn't your fault. None of it. When Steve said you didn't have a choice, I had no idea... You really, truly had no choice; not even the ability to choose. That's horrifying." "I doubt it would make much difference to the people he's killed," Zemo points out snidely. "Or their families. Let's ask Tony Stark, shall we?" "You shut the hell up," Sam growls. He watches Bucky flinch and make that face - the face he's starting to really fucking hate - that says he agrees with Zemo. Bucky still can't see things the way Sam does; he still feels the guilt and shame, and even when he himself pointed out his lack of agency under HYDRA, it didn't click for him that Sam is right, not Zemo.

It's too much, too soon. Sam sees that and decides to change the subject, to give Bucky some time to process. He nods at the notebook, and they have their little Marvin Gaye debate, where Sam is over the top about it on purpose, because Bucky needs the distraction.

Of course, Zemo ruins it by opening his big mouth again and reminding Bucky of more trauma: his time fighting in WWII. That's why Sam latches onto the bit about Madripoor; to keep the focus not only on the task at hand, but off of Bucky's past that he clearly still can't cope with.

"James... You will have to become someone you claim is gone." Sam is officially ready to throw Zemo out a window. 😂 The only reason he doesn't jump to Bucky's defense again and basically tell Zemo to fuck himself (in a PG-13 way 🙄) is because Bucky's, as Sam pointed out in ep2, a grown-ass man, and because he's just learned how few decisions this poor man has been able to make in his life. Sam doesn't want to come across as another "handler," deciding everything for him, even if he does think this plan is stupid and needlessly cruel.

At the bar, when asked if he wants "the usual", Sam just casually waves the bartender off like "nah". Zemo already said they had business to attend to, so it's not like anyone would be suspicious that now's probably not a good time to be doing weird shots lol. (wtf even was that? I'm not sure I want to know, but...what part of the snake did he drop into that drink?)

Sam's not an idiot (I'm really so sick of this trend of turning intelligent characters into morons because the writers can't think of any other way to move their plot along) so his cell phone has been off this whole time. No sudden call from Sarah to put them all in danger. There was really no point to that, anyway; Sharon likely would have killed Selby for talking about Nagle with or without the excuse of "saving" Sam and Bucky. I mean, it's not like they know who fired that shot, ever.

"They cleared the Bionic Staring Machine," Sam still jokes, but he follows it with, "and they think he's a mass-murderer." "They think?" Sharon stares at him incredulously. "Didn't he kill pretty much everyone he's ever met?" "Wow." Sam glances back at Bucky. "She really is awful now." To Sharon, he adds, "You met Steve; do you really think he'd have defied 117 countries to protect someone evil?" "He did it for Bucky," she points out. "Let's face it - Bucky could blow up half the planet, and Steve's loyal-to-a-fault ass would still take a bullet for him." "You know I'm sitting right here, right? I can hear you." "Look, I don't think you're evil, Bucky," Sharon assures him. "But I know you killed a lot of people for HYDRA." "I'm not denying it." "He didn't have a choice," Sam snaps, glaring at them both. "But we're not getting into that right now. My point is, the government's afraid of Bucky, and they still pardoned him. All you did was steal something. I'm sure they can be persuaded to see reason." "The day the US government sees reason," Sharon quips, rolling her eyes, "is the day I sprout real wings and fly off into the sunset." "Careful, Icarus," Bucky mocks with a smirk, "the sun and brand new wings don't exactly go together." Then he shrugs and glances at Sam. "But she's not wrong."

At the party that night, it takes a few minutes (grumpy old man Bucky's not sure how to feel about the music lol) but a peek of pre-war Bucky comes out to play: they were told to "blend in", so he dances. At first he's just bobbing around alone looking stoic and out of place, but soon he's smiling and dancing between two attractive people - one male, one female. Sam is surprised, but before he can tease him for it, Sharon comes to get them all. Even she's a little "wait what?" at Bucky having a little fun lol. (recovery is not linear, guys. trauma doesn't mean "perpetually miserable, no fun, doesn't even know how to smile." in my TFATWS, Bucky gets his lighter moments; real ones, not humor at his expense)

When they find Nagle, Bucky's the one who notices and opens the secret door, while Sam keeps an eye on Zemo. Bucky catches Zemo trying to grab that gun; closes the drawer on his hand before opening it and taking the gun away. "Nice try." Nagle tries to get away while there's only one person watching him, but Sam catches him and forces him back into his seat. With a bruising grip on the back of Zemo's neck, Bucky drags him back over to where he and Sam can both keep an eye on him. Nagle is killed in the shootout as they're trying to escape; Zemo still runs off, blows shit up, and comes back with the stolen car so he's not totally useless.

I had no problem with Zemo being the one to kill Nagle; Nagle was the worst and def had to die, and Zemo has never had an issue killing anyone. Where I took issue with this scene was Bucky and Sam being dumb enough to let Zemo wander and get his hands on a gun. Nope. Not happening.

Anyway, shootout! Explosions! Funny banter! The seat thing, which is my favorite nod to CW ever lol... And then the conversation on the plane...

"You okay?" "Yeah." Sam sighs. "Just thinking." "About how to get Sharon that pardon you dangled in front of her?" He shakes his head. "About how Nagle referred to 'The Winter Soldier Program" like it was some kind of after school club; like you weren't standing right there. And 'the American test subject' like... Like Isaiah wasn't even a real person." He turns to face Bucky, looking angry and weary. "Makes me wonder how many times... How many times are we gonna run around in the same circles before people learn? And how many people need to get crushed underfoot in the meantime?" "Did you really just equate me with Isaiah?" Bucky frowns, not sure how to react to that. "That man is a hero." Sam opens his mouth to say something, but his phone goes off and Zemo approaches at the same time, effectively cutting off their conversation.

When they get to Riga and Zemo tries to guilt trip them over Sokovia, Bucky deadpan reminds him, "Neither of us were involved in that fight." "I doubt you'd have been much help if you were." He shrugs. "Probably not. But I like to save my guilt for events I was actually present for. It's a thing." Zemo laughs. "Fair enough."

Bucky goes on his walk, and meets up with Ayo.

[spectraspecs-writes]

Leviathan - Chapter 106 (Rena)

Link to the masterpost. Chapter 105. Chapter 107.

A/N - Since there's been some confusion about it in the past, thought I'd make it clear here. Carth's narration is in orange text, if the orange doesn't show up please let me know but with tumblr's new post editor it should work. Bastila's narration is pink - my original idea was yellow but not only would that be illegible it's not an option. Same deal, if it doesn't show up let me know. Plus, I don't know if anyone watches the videos when I add them to chapters, but this one, you gotta watch this one.

@averruncusho @ceruleanrainblues @chubbsmomma @strangepostmiracle thank you for reading, you get a tag. @skelelexiunderlord thank you for support, you get a tag.

——–

When the elevator opens, I get… a horrible feeling. Like someone’s walking on my grave. And no one mourns me. Everything feels cold. Like that dream on Dantooine. I think Bastila shivers a bit but I don’t think Carth feels it. But how could I know, he’s blocked himself off from me. As we fight our way through to hangar control the feeling just gets worse and worse. Seeing the Hawk makes me feel a little better, but not for long.

I don’t want to be here. This is the only way to get to the hangar, but I don’t want to be here at all. I’m not ready. I don’t want to be here. I can’t calm down. It’s dark. And cold. I don’t want to be here.

The blast door opens. We didn’t move fast enough. It’s him. It’s Malak.

Carth starts to step forward with his blasters but I reach out my hand to stop him. My dream will not happen. I won’t let it. Malak laughs, and it sends a chill through me. And also a strong feeling of hatred. But it’s not a general hatred, like I would have if it was like “knowing the things you’ve done and what you stand for, I hate you.” This is a personal hatred. “I hope you weren't thinking of leaving so soon, Bastila,” Malak says. His voice is channeled through an apparatus on his chin. He has no jaw. “I've spent far too much energy hunting down you and your companions to let you get away from me now. Besides,” he says, looking at me, “I had to see for myself if it was true. Even now I can hardly believe my eyes… tell me, why did the Jedi spare you? Is it vengeance you seek at this reunion?”

I try not to be nervous, but I can’t help it. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say, “I’ve never met you, this isn’t a reunion.”

He laughs again. Over and over again. What in the goddamn hell is so funny? “What?” he laughs, “You mean you don't know? All this time, and you still haven't figured it out? I wonder how long you would have stayed blind to the truth? Surely some of what you once were must have surfaced by now.” “Once were”? I’m a scout, I’ve always been a scout. What the hell is going on? “Even the combined power of the Jedi Council couldn't keep your true identity buried forever, could it?”

… no. What? No. No that can’t be right. That’s not me. That can’t be me, I can’t be… Revan. No, I’m not. I wasn’t. That can’t be right. But it was my face! No. No that can’t be right. It’s not right. No. I look back at Carth. He can’t look at me. But this isn’t right! I’m not Revan! I can’t be. I remember being a scout!

Is that why all this felt so familiar? The Sith on the bridge - I knew them? Maybe? Is that why Jedi training went so fast? Muscle memory? I already learned how to use the Force and fight with a lightsaber. And why Master Zhar said I was a special case. Why the Star Map on Kashyyyk knew me. But…

… it isn’t right! No!

“You cannot hide from what you once were, Revan!” Malak says. Shut the hell up! “Recognize that you were once the Dark Lord - and know that I have taken your place!”

“No,” I say, “No, this isn’t right. Revan is dead.”

“You do not yet remember, Revan?” Stop calling me that! “The Jedi set a trap. They lured us into battle against a small Republic fleet. During the attack a team of Jedi knights boarded your ship. The Jedi strike team captured you and the Council used the Force to reprogram your mind; they wiped away your identity and turned you against your own followers!”

No. No it’s not true. It can’t be true. No. No. “No. No, it’s not true.”

“You must have seen flashes of your old life in your dreams, Revan; memories bubbling up to the surface? Surely you must remember the battle in which you were captured?” On Taris… but she said it was just a dream. A memory. Her memory. My memory… “How you survived the final battle is a mystery to me,” Malak says, “Perhaps you should ask Bastila; after all, she was part of the Jedi strike team that captured you!”

Yes. She was. She was there. I look at her. I hate her. “Bastila?”

“It’s true,” she says. I hate her. “I was part of the team sent to capture Revan… to capture you.” I hate her! “When Malak fired on the ship you were badly injured. We thought you were dead.” They should have left me. But if they left me, I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t know Carth, or Jolee, or Canderous, or Mission, or T3, or anybody. But is that worth leaving a mass murderer alive? Is the fact that I’ve lived a better life away from the Dark Side worth all the lives Revan took? Am I worth it? “Your mind was destroyed, but I used the Force to preserve the flicker of life in your body. I brought you to the Jedi Council. They were the ones who healed your damaged mind.”

No. No. “But I have memories. I don’t remember Revan, but I remember a whole life. Planets I explored, species I discovered, stories to tell. I’m a scout!”

“The Jedi Council didn't restore your wounded mind, Revan!” Malak says, “They merely programmed it with a new identity - one loyal to the Republic! They tried to make you their slave!”

So… Bastila… I thought she was my friend! Or at least someone I could count on, someone I could trust! “You’ve been lying to me this whole time!”

“I wanted to tell you but the Council forbid it!”

“So once again you put an idea before a person!” I shout at her. I can’t help it - I hate her! “How could you justify that? How could you? How in your twisted mind could an idea be more important than a living breathing person?”

“They were afraid you might return to the dark side if you discovered your real identity!” she says, “You could have hurt more living breathing people!”

“But now you know the truth, Revan!”

I turn to Malak, and scream at him, “Shut the FUCK up! I’m not talking to you!”

He laughs. What part of “shut the fuck up” did he not understand? “And there is the Revan I remember! No longer holding back your rage!”

“What part of ‘shut up’ did you not understand?” I say. Even without a jaw, I can see his smug grin, but he leans back and crosses his arms. I turn my attention back to Bastila. “Why didn’t you just let me die?”

“For the same reason you are always concerned for the lives of others,” Bastila says, “The Jedi hold all life sacred, even that of a Sith Lord. I could not just let you die. Not if it was possible to save you.”

Malak laughs again. “Hiding the truth behind noble words,” he says, “The Jedi needed the memories buried deep in your wounded mind, Revan; there was no other way to bring them out. They had to keep you alive!”

I’m not listening to him. “And the new identity - why?”

“We couldn’t simply restore your true identity…”

“Couldn’t or wouldn’t?”

“Revan was too dangerous - we couldn’t.” Sounds like “wouldn’t” to me. “But locked inside your mind was information the Republic needed: the secrets of the Star Forge. The Council created an identity for you: a scout transferred under my command. Your subconscious memories were supposed to lead me to the Star Forge; there was no other way to get the information.”

“They made you their puppet, Revan,” Malak says, “and Bastila was the handler pulling your strings!”

“Why you? Why are you here? Why did they choose you? You were my friend - why would you do this to me?”

“I used my Force powers to keep you alive on that bridge - it created our bond,” she says. That goddamned bond! “I convinced the Council that I could use that bond to draw out your memories and lead us to the Star Forge.”

“Tell the truth, Bastila,” Malak says, “you wanted to taste the Dark Side for yourself! You knew the only way the Council would permit you to explore the Sith's power was through Revan's lost memories!”

“No!” she says, “I wanted to help you, Revan.”

I scoff. “But you wouldn't mind helping yourself along the way, I bet.” After all, she thought this was an audition for masterdom - she’s looked for power before.

“Revan, I thought this mission would redeem you; that it would atone for your past crimes. How else could you be saved?”

No. No. “You used me! You and the whole Council! I trusted you! And you used me and lied to me the whole time!”

“Rena, Malak nearly killed you, but the Jedi Council gave you another chance to live! They gave you a chance to redeem yourself by defeating the Sith!”

“A rash and futile hope,” Malak says, “The Dark Side is too strong, my power is too great! Even my old master is no longer a match for me!” He turns to me. What was before anxiety and fear is now firmly rage and anger. At Bastila, at the Council, at Malak, at me. “A small part of me has always regretted betraying you from afar,” Malak says, “I always knew there were some who would think I acted out of fear, that I did not want to face you. But now fate has given me a second chance to prove myself. Once I defeat you in combat no one will question my claim to the Sith throne; my triumph will be complete!” He reaches out a hand, and Bastila and Carth are both immobilized. “The Jedi Council were foolish to let you live. I won't make the same mistake. We shall finish this alone in the ancient Sith tradition: master versus apprentice, as it was meant to be!”

I am. Absolutely. Done. Today has gone on long enough. I have had it. “You wanna know something?” I say, “This is, categorically, the worst day of my life.”

---

Damn it, Rena! If she hadn’t stopped me before, maybe I could have shot Malak and we wouldn’t be in this situation! And now she’s fighting Malak alone. She doesn’t stand a chance against him.

But why should I care? She’s a Sith Lord! She’s been a Sith Lord the whole time! Oh, she can claim she doesn’t remember all she wants, but how can I know she’s telling the truth? How can I trust her? She deserves everything she gets!

But… it’s Rena. My friend. I saved her life on Taris, she’s saved my life more than once, she’s always been there for me. She found Dustil. Turned him away from the Sith. I love her. She feels right. And I promised to protect her. And then…

No. I promised to protect Rena. This is Revan. Revan, who led us during the Mandalorian Wars, rallied Jedi to our side. Revan, who won the war for the Republic. Revan, who betrayed us all.

I can’t forgive Revan. But I can’t forgive Malak, either. Malak gave the order to attack Telos. And I- I don’t know if Revan had anything to do with it, but Malak definitely did. He deserves to die. And the war has been a lot worse since Revan was killed. Wiped. Whatever. And if that has anything to do with the two of them, Malak is clearly the worse of the two. He deserves to die. And I want to take revenge on Revan myself. For lying to me. For using me.

Was any of it real? Was she ever on the side of the Republic, the whole time? Did she even love me like she said? Or was it all a lie? Hell, for all I know, she wanted us to be here. Maybe she sent a transmission to Saul when I wasn’t looking. Maybe she really did join the Sith on Korriban.

But I saw into her head. That first night on Korriban, whatever she did, I saw into her head. It was strange, the whole experience, but it was like I saw her whole life. She told me - well, sort of told me - that she could never fall if I was there. That she wouldn’t. She couldn’t hurt me. She couldn’t do that to me. And that’s how she told me she loved me. I don’t think she meant to. It just sort of came out. And it showed me that I loved her. Something I didn’t want to think about, I guess. Especially not then - I was so focused on Dustil. And Morgana. She died five years ago and I was never able to get her off my mind. Before Rena. And when she showed me inside her head… it all made sense.

But what if all that was a lie? How can I believe anything she’s ever - Rena, look out! In a fraction of a second, she dodges Malak’s lightsaber. And I feel her in my head, like I did before - “Thanks, I got it.” It doesn’t feel like her, not like it felt before, on Korriban. On Korriban, it felt… I don’t know how to describe it. It was like… coming home after a long time. It was a warm full feeling. A good feeling. But this, now, feels completely different. She feels almost… cold. Dark. Rushed.

Maybe that’s just because she’s fighting, she’s focused. But I saw how she yelled at Bastila. And Malak. She’s not the same at all, is she? She’s not the same Rena. And she never will be again, will she? The woman I… the woman I thought I knew - she’s gone. It’s just Revan now.

---

This was not the way I hoped she would find out. I wanted her to find out in a safe place, surrounded by friends, no more battles to be fought. Perhaps after we’d found the last Star Map or before we went to the Star Forge. Of course I knew she would have to find out eventually. I knew that a fight with Malak was inevitable, and that he would reveal her true identity. I just did not want that to be the first time she heard it. I wanted her to hear it from me. I wanted to be able to answer all of her questions in a calm, safe environment, a place where she could express all of her feelings safely, and understand why the Council did this.

Being captured by the Leviathan was the last thing I expected. Everything was going relatively smoothly. I was concerned about Korriban, but Jolee told me she acted exemplary, a fine model of Jedi teachings. As much as usual, anyway. As I’ve told her before, her methods are unorthodox, and she has a tendency to act emotionally, but she is dedicated to the wellbeing of others. I’ve regularly seen her put the lives of others before her own, as have the others. I never knew Revan personally - when she and Malak left for the Mandalorian Wars, I sided with the Council - but from what I’ve gathered, “selfless” was not a word others would use to describe her. Revan and Rena have many things in common, but I don’t believe they are the same at heart. Rena certainly has her faults and her shortcomings as a Jedi, but I could never see her falling to the Dark Side.

I’m ashamed to admit I wasn’t always so certain. Her feelings for Carth were concerning at first. As I said, I never knew Revan, but she had a reputation for hedonism, and Rena seemed quite the same at first. And not only that - her dueling on Taris concerned me, as well. She seemed very aggressive. But I came to learn I was mistaken in that assessment. She used dueling more to blow off steam than as an outlet for aggression.

Her identity was a mystery to me at first. I knew that the Council put her under my command, but beyond that they seem to have taken quite a few liberties in explaining her knowledge. She has a number of specifics when it comes to being a scout or ecology. And I don’t know where her crusade against Czerka came from. Perhaps these details came from Revan’s memory, and the Council just changed the explanation. Perhaps the identity was someone else, someone who died in the war, or someone from the archive memory. I had only met her briefly before the attack on the Endar Spire, and I doubt it was an encounter she’d remember. She was up late, fixing a droid. If I hadn’t known her voice I wouldn’t have recognized her. Most of what I knew about her came from a datapad, at first.

It took a long time before I stopped calling her Revan. I of course never said it out loud, but there were many times when I thought to myself, “Why is Revan doing that?” or “That is not something I expected from Revan,” or “Revan is getting on my nerves.” It wasn’t until Dantooine, during her month of retraining, that I began to think of her as Rena and not Revan. I never knew Revan, but Rena is my friend. And I don’t have many of those. It’s a complicated friendship, certainly, and we have our fair share of disagreements. But part of friendship is how you deal with those disagreements.

Although, I wonder if that friendship is over now. Not because of how her true identity was revealed, although that certainly doesn’t help. I know she disagrees with me, but the Jedi are more than simply an idea. The Jedi are the only thing holding the Dark Side at bay. Without the Jedi, the galaxy would descend into darkness, beyond hope, possible beyond salvation. Certainly that is more important than any individual. If saving Revan will defeat Malak, I have no regrets. If Carth suffering Admiral Karath’s torture would have aided the Republic, then I would consider that an acceptable loss. I wouldn't enjoy it, of course, but if it was necessary I would find a way to live with the consequences. And I gather Revan would have felt the same. But Rena doesn’t. Perhaps they are more dissimilar than I thought.

Rena reaches out to kick Malak, but before she makes contact, Malak whisks her into a Force whirlwind and runs. A coward, as he has always been.

---

Asshole! I could see it in his eyes, I was making progress, I was making a dent, and he runs!

I could just let him go. This is not going to be the last time we meet. It can’t be. The Star Forge is still out there. And Malak would like nothing more than to get rid of me now. I’m a problem, and the only way to stop me from being a problem is to kill me. I have no intention of dying today, if only because I need to give the Jedi Council hell. I don’t want to think about that now, though, if I think about that now I’m going to have a fucking panic attack. So that’s that. I’m going to wait for Carth and Bastila to unfreeze, and then we get to the Hawk and go. Easy.

But it could never be that simple, could it? Malak would not leave any avenue for me to just go. And even if he did, that wouldn’t be the end of the fight. Maybe there’s a tracker on the Hawk. Maybe he’ll follow us to Manaan. I have no idea how this will end, but it won’t end well.

I don’t want to be here. I don’t know what this feeling is in the pit of my stomach, but I hate it. Oh. Wait. That’s what it is. Nope, I don’t want to think about that now. I need a hug. But Carth is still frozen, assuming he could even trust me again. Nope, not thinking about that. I touch Carth’s hand, at least, looking for a little comfort. And he lets me read him. He hates it. God, that’s a horrible feeling. Nope, don’t want to think about that. Focus on the Sith Lord.

I think I saw Malak go through the door in front of me, rather than left or right. But it’s locked. Why? Why is he making this difficult? Let’s try finding another way into that corridor. Door on the right. There’s another door on my left that should lead to where Malak is, but it’s locked, too. Jesus, dude, really? Okay, keep moving forward. Another door. Left turn. One more door that should lead to Malak, but it is also locked. Why, dude? Why? All this effort to prove you’re not a coward, but you’re acting pretty cowardly. I keep moving forward to the next door. Through that and after another turn there’s one more door that should lead to Malak. If this one is locked, too, I swear to fucking God…

It opens. There he is. Bastard.

---

I can feel Malak’s stasis hold slowly wearing off. It starts small at first. I can move my foot, just a little. Then it fades even more, and I can curl my fingers. Then it fades completely, and I can let my muscles relax for a moment. But only a brief moment. Rena is still fighting Malak. I can sense it. But his is not the only anger I feel. Carth is clearly not having the best day, to put it mildly. And as much as he’s trying to focus solely on Malak and getting to the Ebon Hawk, his thoughts are obviously clouded by Rena. Anger at her, and me, at the Jedi Council, but also confusion. And mistrust. Perhaps even some depression. Clearly there is sadness there. But how deep it goes is unclear.

“Damn it, Rena!” he swears at her, “She’s going to get herself killed, fighting Malak alone.”

“You still care about her, then,” I say. I did not expect his feelings for her to go away so quickly, but I did expect them to be mixed.

“Care, hell, I don’t think we’ll be able to find the last Star Map without her,” he says. No, that’s not quite right. But no matter. We have more important things to worry about. “I saw her go right, but the door closed and I have no idea where she went from there.” I saw that, too. “Can you sense where they are?”

“I can try.” I reach out with the Force. She’s close. And despite Carth’s concern, for lack of a better word, she would seem to be doing very well on her own. She’s certainly thinking about her identity, but she’s doing her best to focus on Malak. This fight isn’t going to end today. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but this fight is not going to end today.

A choice needs to be made. One of us isn’t going to make it out of here. And Carth’s right, the others need Rena to find the last Star Map. Revan found it on Manaan once before, and even if she doesn’t know it, Rena has the memory. A sacrifice needs to be made. My sacrifice. “We need to hurry,” I say, and we run through the center door. I only hope we’re not too late.

---

Malak moves fast. Almost too fast. I let myself react on instinct rather than using any particular form or thinking about my responses. I just let my mind go blank. Muscle memory. Memory. Memory. Nope, don’t want to think about that. Focus on this.

I’m not going to win this fight.

Malak reaches out a hand and suddenly I can’t move. God. No. No this can’t happen. Carth, if anything happens, I just want you to know I love --

“This isn’t over, Malak!” Bastila? They’re unfrozen. I’m not going to die today. But something’s not…

“Your friends do not give up easily, Revan,” Malak says, “You always could inspire loyalty. But even the three of you together cannot stand against my power!”

“For the Jedi!” Bastila shouts, and she throws her lightsaber at him. Malak starts to move towards her. I still can’t move, not yet. Focus, Rena, focus! Undo it! Do something! “I’ll hold Malak off!” she says, “You two get out of here! Find the Star Forge!”

“No, Bastila, he’s too strong!” Carth says, but she doesn’t change. “No!” She reaches out a hand and closes the door behind Malak, sealing them in. And suddenly I can move again, I don’t know how, but I can move. I’ve got to help her, I’ve got to get in there! I head for the lock, there’s got to be something I can do! Come on. Come on! “The door’s sealed, we can’t get past!” Carth says, trying to stop me, “Come on, we have to get to the Ebon Hawk!”

“No, we can’t, I have to help her!” I have to help her!

“Bastila doesn’t stand a chance against Malak, but we can’t help her. Not here.”

“I can’t let another person die!” I shout. I can’t. How many deaths did Revan cause? How many did Revan kill? I can’t do that again, I won’t have her death on my ledger, too!

“We have to get off this ship and find the Star Forge,” he insists, “That’s the key to beating Malak!”

“No, the key to defeating him is right behind this fucking door - are you going to help me or not?”

“No, I’m not!” he says, “Look, Bastila sacrificed herself so we could get away, and I won’t let that sacrifice be in vain. If you won’t come with me, then I'll shoot you and carry you out, but I’d rather not do that. Don’t force my hand.”

I can’t leave her. But I can’t leave him. I can’t -- I don’t know! I - wait, what the fuck, put me down! “I’m not waiting for you to figure it out.” This is completely degrading.

Thankfully he puts me down when we get to the ship. “Get the hyperdrive up and running, they will have deactivated it on Saul’s orders. Let me know once it’s ready,” he says, “I don’t want to be here a minute longer than we have to be.” I nod and run for the hyperdrive engine. T3 whirs along behind me.

It’s something to focus on, at least. This wasn’t a single “flick a switch” deactivation, this was by the book. Power couplings disconnected, safety caps on the ends, this is going to take a bit. I pull my communicator out of my pocket and buzz Carth. “This is going to take a couple minutes, don’t do any fancy flying.” He acknowledges me but that’s it. I don’t have time to think about that right now. He gets us out of the hangar and the battle begins. Shield grid’s in good shape. Caps off the couplings, this may sting a bit. I don’t know as much about engines as I do about droids, but the caps seem to be the same, just scaled up. If a droid’s going to be powered down for a while or could get wet - like torrential downpour wet - you’re supposed to disconnect the power couplings and put rubber caps on the end, for safety. So no one gets electrocuted or so the power flow doesn’t get corrupted, because that’s a bear to fix. And if this were a droid, I’d want to start at the bottom coupling and work my way up. The process here should be the same, too - turn the power off or reroute it, pull the caps off, reconnect, reroute it back. So I start on the lowest of the four. Reroute, caps, reconne - Carth, I said no fancy flying! Stop with the loop de loops! Reconnect, reroute. Second. Try not to lose my lunch. As if I’ve eaten much today. Third. God, Mission, hit them before they hit us! Fourth. Come on, come on… Done! “Carth, punch it!”

Hyperspace. Finally. The worst is over.

Or… maybe it’s just getting started.

[mieczyhale]

mace im sorry i don't have coherent thoughts but i'm so just like,,, what was klaus this season. what was ben. the cult was pointless to klaus' character. the things that matter to klaus' character were ignored. the dave stuff was a lot of nothing. i felt like the possession thing shouldve been huge for ben and klaus' relationship but we're supposed to think klaus feeling violated is funny and inconsequential? ben going to the light was just shoved in at the end? i just---what???? who??

i’m on the same page as you, anony, especially in coherency lmfao

klaus this season was.. not totally bad, but i think most of that can be put on robert for his acting and how well he knows his own character bc the writers clearly didn’t know what was up (or maybe they did and playing him off this season as comedic relief, having him tossed to the side and mistreated, is going to play into s3 somehow. idk. i’m not writing off any possibility because overall the writers have done really really well with everything else so in my soul i feel like there has to be a reason they did what they did to him this season yknow??) for all the jokes they had him making and stuff, i think robert definitely played klaus the way we as fans know him - suffering constantly but unwilling to let anyone actually see that and if they do he’s gonna make it sound like a joke. he’s not gonna act serious because that leads to pain and he’s had more than enough of that. HOWEVER. i am genuinely so so pissed that he didn’t get to fight or really use his powers this season. and the part before ben sacrifices himself where klaus finally got up the courage to try and help, the fact that he didn’t succeed - that it wasn’t klaus who saved the day - is just... sldflksd GOD I HATE IT. oh and the scene towards the end where everyone gets shot and the one remaining swede kills the handler?? THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN KLAUS. he should have come back to life as he does, as is PART OF HIS POWERS, grabbed a gun that he knows how to use well - thank you vietnam - and he should have shot the bitch. but no. we didn’t even get that. vanya got klaus’s levitation and diego got klaus’s telekinesis and klaus got ??? a cowboy hat. which i mean looks good on him and he deserves it but it doesnt make up for *gestures at everything* and tbh even that was tainted because one of the siblings says “50$ if we leave him here” when klaus runs to grab the hat. seriously??!! SERIOUSLY??! it’s not funny, it’s just more of people not caring about klaus and thinking abandoning him is a fun joke to make ANYWAY. onto things you actually mentioned sdlkdsjf;ls i think the cult wasn’t pointless to his character necessarily, i think it did provide something, but it wasn’t used to its fullest extent. we got little things like klaus talking about it making him claustrophobic and making him feel like his skin is on fire, and his followers become something he cant escape even though he desperately wants too - it’s like having the ghosts all over again except he’s sober and these are live people who can touch him. but the show never actually out loud makes that comparison when they should have. i think it would have helped the cult thing seem less random. as for the dave thing.. i don’t think it was a lot of ‘nothing’ but again i think they could have definitely done more with it. it lets klaus see dave again, in a way, and it shows us more about both of them and the relationship they had. we learn more about dave, who he is, the kind of people he had around him and the environment he grew up in. it shows us that klaus and dave talked about all kinds of things, nothing was too mundane or unimportant. it shows us that three years after dave’s death klaus is still grieving and is still 100% in love. and it shows us that klaus isn’t always as selfish as people assume right alongside another hit to the face (oof unintentional wording) of just how much he loved dave. he wanted to save dave’s life so badly he made a fool of himself, put up with homophobia, took a hit to the face, and still kept trying to stop him from enlisting even though, per the last timeline, it would mean they’d never meet. klaus is willing to have dave never know him, is willing to handle that pain and heartbreak pretty much forever, as long as dave lives. my heart literally cannot handle it the possession thing. i haven’t stopped being angry and uncomfortable and disgusted by it since i saw it like 2 days ago now. that plot the writers really fucked up on it was a big thing for their relationship but not in any way that lead to growth or understanding or power control or ANYTHING. i love ben but i have so many fucking problems with him after watching s2 that i almost wanna take my love back tbh. the writers tried to make it seem like what ben was doing was okay - because he was angry and frustrated with klaus, because klaus wasn’t doing what he wanted, because klaus couldn’t stay sober, etc. like any of that makes possessing someone without their consent okay... or threatening to possess someone the moment their guard is down (leaving klaus paranoid and afraid to sleep).. or getting permission to possess someone and then refusing to leave (and its double garbage when diego encourages ben to continue possessing klaus. diego’s reason was gross and even if he hadnt given a reason he was still encouraging ben to not give klaus’s body back to him. which like.. im sure klaus can see and hear what’s going on. so he now is aware that his brother would rather have ben-wearing-klaus than actual klaus. the amount that would fucking hurt. a nyway) klaus never really got to talk about how it made him feel, not in any situation where anyone was listening. he never got to go off on ben for what he did, and what he was about to do, even though he had every right to. ben kind of knew how klaus felt about it but he showed very clearly that he didnt care. ben just did not fucking care about klaus this season. and it wasnt a ‘tough love’ thing like they tried to do in s1. it was just horrible and it hurt to watch. and i feel like s2 ben wouldnt have apologized to klaus even if he had been seriously confronted. we now know that klaus has this power. and we know that it can easily be abused by someone else. and i feel like that could tie into his ability to make the ghosts corporeal and such. it could definitely work as an interesting lead into exploring more of his many powers. and it could have worked as a way to bring ben and klaus closer without anyone getting hurt or violated. but.. for s2.. it wasnt used that way. it was used as a way to degrade and humiliate klaus. and they clearly wanted us to find it funny. it was one of the least funny things to happen all season. actually probably THE least funny thing. right along with nobody giving a shit when they thought klaus was having a seizure or OD-ing (both during their meeting with reginald and in the alley when they were supposed to meet up to use the briefcase five got from the handler), AND OF COURSE  nobody taking klaus seriously, paying attention to him, or caring about him (except for allison at some points) and ben finally going into the light at the end..  was kind of shoved in?? but i think what made it feel that way, for me at least, wasn’t so much the placement or timing of it but that it wasn’t really acknowledged afterwards?? it just.. happened, and we were all heartbroken, and on screen... nothing. it felt like a very sudden end to his storyline and yeah they could have done a little more to make it feel like a natural end for him thanks for the ask and sharing your thoughts on s2 with me~!! <3