#I don't think they would acknowledge this post but I want to draw that boundary now

[thevioletscout]

I have a weird question for the FL community and to be honest I'm not sure I should be asking at all, but I've been having a rough week and I want to get it out of the way.

Spoilers for Light Fingers and a specific ending under the cut.

---

Soooo... How do we feel about fankids with Poor Edward? I ask because for the hell of it I did make a concept of what one might look like in picrew and tbh- I'm kinda in love with her. And I kinda wanna give her a more fleshed out design.

However before I get too excited, there is a LOT that would make this awkward. And I'm just going to get straight to the point; Edward being under the influence of a love potion makes the very existence of a kid kinda questionable. For the most part in the game's canon and fanworks it's easy to look past that since Poor Edward is so villainous by default it's hard to feel bad for him given he's forced the moon milk onto many such as Clara (my friend even mentioned that he was intending to use it on the player to stop their meddling) and overall its just an extension of that villainy since he uses the obsession with the player character to further torment them. So I kinda just wonder where we draw the line.

One thing I can definitely say is if this kid exists she has it rough. At the very least, Edward's been absent due to being stuck in Parabola. At worst though, he's actually had an influence on this kid.

EDIT: Thank you to all the support on this post. It's done a lot to ease my nerves. Since you've all mostly said you're down for this idea, I'll probably be drawing this kid soon just to show you guys what I had in mind.

I also didn't mean to imply that I thought I would get like hate mobbed. I just didn't want to be that one creator that took things too far, ya know?

[tinyfantasminha]

I think Tumblr and other social medias have aged to become more like a community where everybody assumes they are friends with everyone (unless they disagree with them). Like as social media gets introduced to younger and younger kids every year, the sense and need of privacy is no longer there.

Now for people, someone showing their art might be akin to a friend showing their drawing to you, it becomes expected so the less detailed compliments they give.

The solution could be to make your page more professional so people dont get the idea they are your friends, since you do post things that would be considered talk between friends (like simping for jack). But i get the feeling you'd hate that since it would essentially turn your page into more of a statistics rather than a warm environment.

Im not good at wording myself so im sorry if this gives off an offending message, im trying to be objective but im not sure how it comes across.

DW, I get what you're trying to say 😔 It's annoying that more and more people in fandom nowadays seem to know little to none of fandom etiquette... and it's not just the teens, it's a worryingly amount of adults too

Creators want validation, nice comments and asks but they also want respect... one parasocial interaction which is especially common with artists and writers are the ''can you teach me how to draw/write/how to create ocs'' or by seeking validation for their own personal stuff (sending their art or pictures unsolicited so YOU specifically can feedback it, or asking you to opinion on their ocs) like..... I can see these actions may come from a genuine place, but it should be common sense that these are weird ways to start a conversation with a creator you supposedly admire. It feels intrusive and demanding.

And sometimes the intention is not even bad, it's just phrased in a demanding way that makes creators feel pressured. Rephrasing ''can you teach me how to draw/write'' with ''hello! I love your art/writing! if you don't mind me asking, could you share your creative process or maybe tips?'' makes a WHOLE difference! it's more polite and acknowledges the creator’s boundaries, making the request feel more like a compliment than a demand.

Ugh, the thing is... making the blog more ''professional'' takes away the whole point of it. Tumblr is one of the few spaces left where you can scream into the void about your interests, gush over things you love, and just exist as a person, not a content machine. Unlike algorithm-driven platforms like tiktok or twitter, in here it lets you control your space; your blog is yours to curate, to fill with weirdness, passion, and whimsy. Here, creators feel like real people, not just faceless usernames churning out "content" for engagement. I do not feel comfortable being as much personal on twitter for example, where any nosy person can QRT you being unnecessarily mean because the platform's culture prioritizes performative snark and clout over genuine creativity or connection. Tumblr was always a place for the weirdos, the cringe and the freaks, no one is here to make a brand out of themselves, it's about being authentic and having fun.

Creators should absolutely be allowed to be loose, weird, and fun here while still being respected 😔

[starlightseraph]

honoured to have been summoned, comrades 🫡

@dtmsrpfcringe

those screenshots are truly unhinged.

- ever heard of candid photos? ones that aren't posed or staged to have the person look a specific way? ones that capture the essence of a moment and have a more organic feel? ones that can celebrate the mundane? is it abnormal for family/ friends/loved ones to take candid in-the-moment pictures? no. or if it is, then i guess everyone i know, all the people i've seen doing this, and every person who's ever posted a non-posed photo of their loved one is a creep.

- appreciation and kindness for everyone but him? let me refer you back to this: "happy birthday to the best person most of us will ever know. the kindest of people, the cleverest of people, the funniest of people and the best dad of (many) people. sometimes i wonder what i do to deserve him..." and this is only a selected example, not an exhaustive list.

- hijacking his party and refusing to acknowledge that it was his? the card they posted was literally for a combined party. a 90th birthday, and given that david's not 90, but he's in his early 50s while she's almost 40, and it's not anywhere near either of their real birthdays, it's fairly obvious that it was meant for both of them. as you would know, if you payed attention to the goddamn card.

- normalising abuse? girl where. you have no knowledge of their private communication and boundaries, what they've talked about/agreed on, what they find mildly annoying and what they are genuinely upset by. poking fun, egging on, banter, all are perfectly healthy. if he's truly disturbed by anything, it is his responsibility to communicate that, and her responsibility to respect it. but these interactions are normally not public. they've almost certainly discussed social media sharing outside of the few snippets we've seen. it's fairly safe to assume, then, that any conversations they've had on-camera apply to those specific instances. "not right now" as opposed to "not ever". and a reminder that we literally do not know these people. you can't draw a diagram of an entire house by peering through a few windows.

- about the criminal offence bit, i can tell you, with absolute certainty, that no one is going to report anyone to the police for taking a candid photo in a kitchen. i promise, it's not illegal, by any stretch of the law, for a wife to take a photo of her husband standing at a counter. it may be technically illegal in some places to distribute those photos without the person's consent, but we, as outsiders, have no way of knowing and therefore shouldn't assume that she didn't get consent. i have several lawyers in my very close family, and i can already hear the legalese they’d break into to counter this argument.

the most important point i want to make is that they are married, and have been for a dozen years, and have known each other for years more than that. they understand each other, they probably know each other better than anyone. they certainly know each other better than we do. when you get to that point with someone, you generally don't need to confirm every single thing you do. in most cases, you can get a sense of what's ok and what's not. it's possible that georgia has some difficulty with that, as she's neurodivergent, but in that case the boundaries just need to be clarified for her. if she's unsure, she can ask, if she's unaware, he can tell her. because human relationships go both ways, boundaries need to be communicated, understood, and consistently adjusted. only then are they even tangible concepts that can dictate social interactions. and smaller things or individual moments can exist freely, without a giant rubric attached. they're both adults, they both have agency, and they both have access to support. trust that they're making good choices for themselves and each other, because you have no real reasons to think otherwise.

[gaypastabake]

sad Edge head-cannony rambles

hey um uhhhh [Spoilers for the entirety of Sparks of Hope] and also TW: mentions of trauma ok thanks

Ok so im not really sure how to format this post, I just really wanted to talk about an important head-cannon of mine for Edge and I had so many ideas relating to it but no motivation to do any of them, like I started a short comic but don't want to finish it, so im just going to go on a weird ramble because that's all I know how to do.

Ive had a head-cannon for a while that Edge doesn't respond well to any sort of physical contact, like if somebody were to put a hand on her shoulder in a friendly manner she would interpret it as an attack and would punch them. Given that when she was created by Cursa she never had any kind of support group or friends she could really trust, its likely she's never been hugged before either, and even if she has been hugged during her spark-hunting days those people are long dead to her.

Edge has difficulties showing any kind of emotion given the circumstances of her creation, she was made to hunt sparks and nothing else. She was discouraged from feeling strong emotions as it could be a distraction from her task, and likely isn't used to showing her feelings. Not only that but the only people she had ever trusted turned their backs on her because she cared about the sparks, and was likely mocked and ridiculed for that sentiment.

In my personal head-cannon that's why Edge is so reserved and isolated from the rest of the Mario + Rabbids crew, because shes scared of putting herself in a situation where she appears emotionally vulnerable because of the incident with the spark hunters. In every cut-scene when everyone is on the WM-ARC she's always as far away from everyone else as possible, because she doesn't like getting close to people due to her own insecurities. She appears angry or indifferent all the time because she either doesn't know how to process or actively refuses to acknowledge her own thoughts and feelings, and is resorting to acting headstrong and annoyed

Something I wanted to write about in the Mario Rabbids fic I was planning is the possibility of Edge coming to terms with her emotional ineptitude and fears of getting close to people both emotionally and physically. I feel like in an instance where if she were in a relationship (platonic or romantic) with someone it would take her a while to get used to affection, she would get irrationally uncomfortable and stressed with physical contact and would likely try to ask for boundaries until she feels more comfortable putting herself in a vulnerable position. There's a scene ive planned in the fic where Edge finally feels comfortable and asks to cuddle, leading to her finally breaking down because she's never been used to real and genuine affection from another being.

guhhhhhhh there are allot of thoughts I have about her and if I think of any more head-cannons I will certainly talk about them without revealing too much of the plot for my fic.

I included the drawing because I felt this post would feel empty without it, especially since I tend to word vomit when talking about things I like. sorry if some of my thoughts are not coherent im not good at wording things.

[lunar-years]

Re: the fic tropes from the s2 hiatus, I have a related thought or question.

I would welcome your thoughts or recs (including recs of your own fic) because I admittedly found the OT3 WAY more easy to believe in fic in the s2 hiatus, in terms of Jamie joining an established RoyKeeley, even if the signs for the RK break up were there in retrospect. I now find it hard to believe in, post finale (well, post fight - up until half way through the finale we were looking good.) I still read lots of OT3 things that diverge at different points in the show, up to and including mid finale, and them simply not taking their bullshit argument to Keeley’s door, but I CANNOT see a path back from that after they do it, only to RJ, in a strictly canon compliant post finale fic. Of course Keeley becomes friends with them again but the events of canon made me feel like she fully closed the door on either of them in that scene for good, and I can't see it working out the way I once could. That's a let down, and makes me sad especially after 3.11! I used to not even like RJ without K, I much preferred OT3.

So what are your fave fics that deal with them getting together post finale - as in, one that doesn't diverge and that deal with what actually happened? I want a fic to really to sell me on it, if that makes sense, because the show really didn't in the end, it felt like it killed it. (Even with the barbecue scene - it felt like potential for RJ + Friend Keeley to me.)

Can you help me believe in the possibility again?

Hello!! First off, let me apologize in advance for what I'm fearing might end up a lengthly response to what was a very simple question, and frankly more than you probably wanted to know lol. That said, I feel like I need to preface my suggestions a bit first to help explain my breakdown of the recs so here's just a few things to keep in mind:

So, I don't see Keeley kicking them out after their bullshit argument to be a permanent door closure on the possibility for a relationship, which obviously influences my enjoyment of post finale ot3 fics greatly. Instead, I sort of just view it as Keeley drawing a hard boundary on what she's willing to put up with, and categorically deciding that she not going to engage with either of them when they're being that idiotic (enormously valid of her). HOWEVER, I honestly believe all it would take is a genuine apology from them to allow them both back into her good graces (look at how easily she forgave Roy after he gave her that sort of half-arsed [imo] apology letter! Now, obviously that didn't fix anything between them, and Keeley was in a particularly vulnerable place when it happened, and possibly their subsequent decision to sleep together then made things worse for their future romantically, but they are also undeniably back to genuine friendship + complicated feelings about ~more~ in the very next episode! I think this situation would go very much the same way.)

NOW, I'm not saying that's like... an entirely healthy and well-adjusted basis for a romantic relationship right off the go, just that I do think that Keeley would accept their apology and return to being friends with both of them really speedily. And that I don't think the lingering romantic feelings between them all (that imo, we do see hints of all season) would disappear. The big problem with roykeeley that led to the breakup was their inability to communicate their needs and feelings and what they wanted out of their relationship, alongside an inability to be truly vulnerable about their emotions. But i think s3 made it very clear to me how much the love is still there between them, and I'm of the belief that all it would take to fix them would be an honest conversation where they acknowledge they've hurt one another, admit they still love each other, and come up with a plan to move forward. I think the solution would be similar for budding ot3--they just need that heart to heart moment to hash it all out, because the love is there!

As such, the most "realistic" path forward for ot3 post-finale the way I see it is for all three of them to agree to be ~just friends~ for the foreseeable, giving Keeley time to focus on herself & her career and explore the self-discovery that comes with being single for once, as well as giving Roy time to develop a routine with therapy and work esp. on the issues that promoted him to initiate the bullshit finale fight with Jamie in the first place. I do not necessarily think anyone but Jamie is necessarily ready for any relationship where we leave them in s3, so I feel very similar about routes forward for RJ, JK or RK and I do for RJK. Eventually though (because let's face it, I do think they're all deeply horny for one another as well as share deeper feelings) the simmering, underlying sexual tension would boil over and the friendship would develop into more.

But all that said...I also am very easy to please and can be made to believe in pretty much any route to ot3, so I enjoy most interpretations of how they get together post finale/*that* fight. I love that it was left so open-ended, it makes it so easy for me to enjoy most fics about how they might get together

I say all this not to argue over your different interpretation (which is a totally valid one!) or to try to suggest everyone needs to see it how I see it, but rather to sort of warn you I guess that some of the fics I'm recommending might not be as successful for you as you were for me, because I see the situation so differently.

I think a lot of canon-compliant post finale fics (mine included tbh) tend to sweep the fight moment under the rug (as in, it gets mentioned that the boys apologized or what have you, but there's also been at least a few weeks time jump since the finale and the three of them have kind of moved on from that evening) because myself and other authors maybe see it as less of a major dealbreaker that needs to very addressed before the three can more forward. I have tried to curate the fics out accordingly into categories that will hopefully steer you in the right direction, but it's also been a while since I've read a lot of these:

Category A: Very convincing (imo) canon-compliant getting-together post finale fics that don't necessarily address the final fight head on:

The Third Wheel by scintilla10; a very cute one-shot based around the idea that Jamie and Keeley have a heart to heart in Brazil and then bring that energy back home to Roy.

Upside Down by @morethanslightly; post finale, they're all friends! then Jamie and Keeley go to Brazil and more occurs :)

take away the glass by @izzyspussy; OK...so to be fair... This one explicitly states in the leading author's note that it ignores everything that happens in the finale, lol. However, it's so good and otherwise (imo) very in line with canon that I'm recommending it to you anyway, even though it doesn't match the brief. JamieKeeley get back together first, which is a unique take I haven't seen in any other fic that nonetheless feels SO fitting for the dynamic in s3. I just really think this is the post-series fic that could convince you on the three of them again :)

Oh, Lord, You've Never Been So In Love by asexual-fandom-queen; post finale friends to lovers, the fight is mentioned in what i think is a very effective way, but not really focused on.

Triangles by @catalogercas- I love fics where Phoebe is the one to knock some sense into them :)

Category B: Post-finale ot3 fics that DO address the finale/fight of it all head on:

How to Build A Triangle (or accidentally fall headlong into one, or whatever the fuck) by SquaresAreNotCircles; very fun but also They Talk About It! Pretty in line with how I see how things actually playing out in canon, tbh.

boyfriend lessons by @mixtapestar; so this is in alignment with "they apologize, Keeley forgives them and they all move on" which I realize might be enough accountability for the way you view the fight, but there's fun twists and I love anything that involves shenanigans and also their Brazil trip.

it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning - butterflybook; a quick one-shot about the boys apologizing & Keeley forgiving them (author notes this happens quickly, but they share my sentiment that that is pretty in character for Keeley)

Category C: Maybe less convincing, given canon, in terms of like, long-term stability for the relationship without further conversation and hard work, but definitely convincing for in-the-moment rampant horniness:

three turns by scintilla10; this is about Keeley inviting them back in immediately after kicking them out for horny purposes, so I'm not sure you'd be convinced by this lmao. But it's also so fun, so I thought I'd throw it on the list anyway for others people who might be interested and/or if you read some category A stuff that gets you back in the ship and then want to try something different

Triple blend by Dancey96; this definitely takes some liberties with what Keeley may have said before kicking them out. so it's "canon-compliant" in a very loose way I don't think aligns with what was actually intended in canon, lol. BUT! It works for them and it's fun and it's hot and it's a fun way to play with what happened so maybe it would make you feel better about the scene! idk

Heart Trouble by @morethanslightly this is another play on the scene that maybe doesn't address their problems as much as you would need, but gosh it is sexy and fun!

Category D: My own fics that may or not be your speed but I'm throwing in to self promo anyway:

Confetti ; This follows the concept that they're all friends post finale and then slowly the dynamic starts to change; fluffy getting together fic ft. Roy's family

last to leave the party ; another iteration of the above but this time it's years of friendship between the three of them post the finale before the something happens that causes things to shift back around to romance

Actually, the one I'm writing now (RJK friends with benefits) is I think going to be the one that addresses what you are looking for most head on (in terms of dealing with the direct aftermath of the finale and staying completely canon compliant). So stay tuned!

If anyone else has any suggestions or would like to self-rec one of your own fics for anon, please add them/share them with me!

[queer-ragnelle]

I saw your post about incest and i understand where you're coming from as someone who is also very uncomfortable with discussions of incest, but it doesn't seem productive or healthy for the fandom to put your complaints in the tag when you could just block the people yourself. What's the point of virtue signalling when we're talking about a source material full of incest?

Hi. I see where you're coming from and usually that's my method. So firstly I'm specifically talking about shipping incest, not just incest in general. I know the source material has incest in it, and obviously the subject is going to come up in discussions about Mordred which is totally fine. But it's unambiguously framed as a bad thing, which shipping is not, and that's where I'm having troubles. Tumblr doesn't block a person's entire account, only individual blogs. So I block one blog and then one of their side blogs still pops up in suggestions with the same content on it. Not everyone discloses their related blogs so even when I look to see if I can block them all, I can't find them until they find me. :^/

I've also recently had people willfully breaking the rules in my server, that is, sharing incest minor/adult shipping art, which is frankly kinda violating. My intention isn't virtue signaling, I would never tell someone they couldn't engage with whatever media they want or create art or writing with those themes if that's what they wanna do. It would be really hypocritical to do that especially considering I include Mordred's incest storyline in my books and I love the vulgate which is where that whole plot originated. But I acknowledge how my post can come off advocating for censorship or holier-than-thou, even if that wasn't my intention. It's just upsetting when a boundary is set and then it's crossed. It's one thing to discuss the themes of the medieval literature or the retellings that draw on it, it's another to post art of an infant held by an older brother who later in the story have a predatory incestuous relationship and then treat them like a cute couple in a place that has a specific rule against it. I just don't wanna see that in my space if I can help it.

However anon I do agree it was rash to put the post in the tags. Tagging was so automatic I didn't even stop to think what a dick move that is. It was impulsive and uncool of me, so for that I apologize. I've gone ahead and removed the tags from the post. Thanks for calling me out on stuff like this and I'll try to do better in future. Take care.

[antimony-medusa]

i very much agree with your post abt keeping certain fandom things out of a streamers chat/donos but i think it should be acknowledged that scar has never been outwardly uncomfortable with jokes abt his character being painted in a “sexy” light. he laughed abt the poll and the “propaganda” and asked why people didnt tell him about it. scar is very aware that people draw his character in a certain way and mentions/laughs abt it on stream often, even liking art or jokes. ofc common sense is a thing, and for most ppl telling a creator something overly personal or saying that you draw suggestive/nsfw art of them is (rightfully) weird asf. i dont think every single thing has to be stated as a boundary by a content creator for fans to just understand that its weird to do/bring up, but i think theres also a place to say that scar (as far as i know) has never shunned these jokes or comments, and often joins in

(im very much /nm over this, just wanted to mention smthn that went through my head when i saw your post, sorry.)

In my mind, this is not a matter of boundaries, though that applies in the fact that all human interactions are about boundaries and manners, as much as it is a matter of politeness and kindness. I might watch all of Scar's videos, but I don't actually know Scar, and importantly, he doesn't know me. One of the reasons that it's impolite to tell streamers that someone famous just died is that you're trying to get a reaction out of them, for your entertainment. Telling someone that they were in a sexyman tournament is still trying to get a reaction out of them, and they didn't get to choose if they want to engage with that a) at all, or b) right now.

When someone is streaming, or at a Q & A, or something of that nature, they are at work. They can't leave right now. Whether or not he's expressed amusement or approval of hot guy art, it is impolite to bring up something that is potentially contentious, like a sexyman poll, in a situation where half of the conversation can't leave.

Like, I ran the sexyman poll. I'm a mod on a pin up calendar for hotguy art. I would not have done those things (maintagged!) if I thought it was baseline inappropriate to do, or for CCs to know about. But I still think there's a time and a place to bring things up, and TTS is not the place.

There is a huge difference between someone deciding to go into the art tag and like some fan art, or bringing up jokes on their own time, and between someone conversationally grabbing them by the face and going NOW PAY ATTENTION TO THE FACT THAT I THINK YOU"RE SEXY. It is vitally important to me that creators are able to choose their level of engagement with fandom, and TTS or bringing things up in chat takes that choice away from them.

They get to bring it up to us, we don't bring it up to them, because we are not their friends, and they don't know us.

[creatively-cosmic]

New pinned? Earlier today we got some tags on one of our art that reminded me that we never really went back and explained anything about ourselves, so. Gonna do it now.

Heya! We're Starry. This is our artblog.

We're a 20y/o genderfucked queer polyfragmented system with a lotta fictives. Pretty much everything here is based on shit in our brain. Heads up: We post Gore, Horror, and occasionally Suggestive content (tagged), along with artistic and partial nudity (which may not get tagged).

You might notice we never take acknowledging our plurality very seriously, or explain things regarding it much ever. That's... Pretty simply cause we don't want to put that on the internet for everyone and God to see. We're explaining it here because it's a part of our art and a frame of reference for a lot of things we make and say.

DON'T TAKE THIS POST AS ANY FORM OF A DNI. We don't want things we make to be treated any differently because of this. The works, writings, designs, and stories we put here are all from a place of concious thought and passion! While we call this blog more of a personal art archival, we do genuinely still put it online to share art that we've put thought, heart, and soul into.

For the record, to make things abundantly clear, we'll put a list of specifications under the cut. But in a nutshell, the main "boundary" I give a shit about is this:

Don't interact with our posts any differently than you would literally anything else. When you talk to us directly, just remember to not treat us like characters.

Thanks for reading. More below if you want more clarification.

Stuff that's fine:

We're fine with "doubles." You can be, kin, ID as whoever you want. If you relate to our stuff specifically, too? I promise that's fine. Awesome, in fact!

Comments/tags. Pleaseee comment on our art in fact it always makes our day. We see all that shit. Analyze, keysmash, shit you can even say some unwise stuff if you wanna. Don't hold back.

Fanart. Look if you ever got possessed to draw one of our designs I think we'd die for you on the spot. No questions asked, go for it.

Asks! Man, feel free to ask about anything. Ask about our stories, designs, opinions, experiences, whatever. Just don't ask about our trauma.

You can use our art as icons and such, just make sure to credit properly if it's in a public space ie social media or discord profile. Don't use it for any of that AI shit though.

Stuff that ISN'T fine:

I can't be damned to fill this out in any thorough way cause I don't really have any hard NOs, honestly. So this is just like. One thing, and it's an elaboration on the earlier bolded thing: Don't TALK DIRECTLY TO US as if we are characters. What I mean by this is... Us being fictives and talking about our stories doesn't mean this is a character blog. It isn't a roleplay blog. It's just us being us. Don't send messages or asks looking for someone specific, or expecting a specific reply, cause their source is your blorbo. And don't get shocked or offended when we inevitably act out of character in our posts, cause we AREN'T a character. We're people.

I guess this goes in hand with that but, don't tell us we're existing wrong as a fictive, alter, or system, too. I'll just block you. This is the only serious response anyone who might try to fakeclaim us is getting. I am not here to explain why we are the way we are, who we are, or what happened. Anyone engaging in """syscourse,""" please. Step back and understand that all that shit is, is sticking your nose into the trauma of strangers on the internet to decide if they're "correct" enough in your eyes. Nobody owes you their life story so you can decide if they're valid. Put your energy into something better.

[savage-rhi]

Thank you so much with being open and sharing about this, even though it was very personal! I wasn't asking to stir up any drama, but to hear what happened and be able to form my own opinions. You're one of my favorite ppl in DS community, and its upsetting to hear what he did to you. If you're someone that has that much fame and power as he does, there's a certain amount of responsibility to be a better person.

(And, Idk if this is relevent, and its not my place to know, but allistics need to learn how to communicate and not be awful to autistic people. Theres a few celebrities that I've met as a fan, and they really need work on that when interacting with autistic fans. Sorry if I'm projecting/it's not my place to speak, but I do think it needs to be said)

(Also, if its not too much trouble, could you please link the stuff about david and his band, I'm unfamiliar with both of those issues)

I apologize for being assumptive toward your earlier intentions nonny. I was coming from a space of hurt since the questions triggered some of those said past negative experiences I had with him. I also want to acknowledge I set clear boundaries because I don't need anon hate coming at me for critiquing a VO who is for all intents and purposes, greatly admired and everywhere. I appreciate and thank you for clarifying where you were coming from.

I will say while I am not officially diagnosed as autistic (just speaking as someone that's neurodivergent) you brought up a good point with celebrities not being mindful toward those that are on the spectrum or aren't neurotypical.

I think if you are someone with power--regardless if its in the industry or not--while I don't advocate for policing one's language, personality, etc. there should be a mindfulness approach when it comes to fans. It's good to go into the mindset that you will meet people who are different. While you don't have to like everyone (cause that's not realistic), you should try to "leave your camp better than how you found it." when it comes to interaction. Again, like I've stated in my last post, no one is perfect but this should be something to strive for.

Regarding Troy, that was something I noticed he was good at navigating (neurodivergent and neurotypical fans) in a group setting, but come being one-on-one, the energy, tones, compassion, would considerably shift. This was something a few others pointed out too. There were many circumstances where it almost felt as if he was putting on an act around us.

For me at times it felt like I was speaking to two different people and these two people had contradictive takes and seemed at odds with one another. I don't want to label it as Jekyll and Hyde, but that's honoring my feelings based on the negative experiences I had.

I want to reiterate what I said before, I know people still hold a torch for him, and he means a lot to others, and I'd rather let his own actions speak for himself, but I would encourage folks to er on the side of caution. Know your space, limitations, and boundaries. That goes for anyone celebrity or not.

Take the information as it resonates and I encourage you to draw your own conclusions. This is surface level stuff found via google.

Reddit: "Tell me one thing David did wrong." // "Joel and David are mirror images of each other."

YouTube: Smudboy's take on it

Resetera: "Troy Baker Walked Away From His 2017 Crowdfunding Campagin"

Reddit: "Troy Baker has been scamming his fans for years"

TheGamer: Troy Baker Allegedly Abandoned Music Crowdfunding Project

[calumaai]

January Pitstop

Since June, i've been lost in theory. I started reading, slowly at first, Lorde, Hooks, Freire but quickly I was hooked, lost in the words and worlds of others. The joy of reading these thoughts and theories has been a sweet espace from what otherwise would have been an incredibly fucking hard time of leaving my partner, selling my flat and deciding to build everything up again from scratch. 

I've built a lot of notes, thoughts and feelings over the course of the last 7 months of heavy reading and reflection but now the time has come to put this into action. I won't stop reading, I don't think I can and I certainly don't want to, but I do need to return to myself. 

So I have a few next steps to balance. 

First my intervention. I plan to work with queer creatives who have large (what constitutes large?) followings on these platforms. I would like to discuss their work and approach to digital life with them. The main intervention would be to ask them to draw their digital profiles. I'm interested to see how they see their output, themselves networked through the platform and into the audience. Then, I would like to critically reflect on these drawings with them. I will ofcourse pass comments but also I am keen to listen to their concerns, their real experience and reflections on existing on the boundaries and intersections of many new locations of being and knowledge. 

What stops our profiles being classrooms, platforms institutions and influencers pedagogues. Whilst i plan to integrate the networks of the corporate platform complex that force social cooperation through a narrow, monetizable, space, i also want to celebrate the people that have created fugitive locations away from the binary of the internet, the diminishing forces of the algorithm, the poisonous jibes of trolls. Yet in the same breath i have already heard stories of how these platforms are not protective, and that after a certain amount of sharing posts with accounts the platforms believe will like the content, they start to show it accounts they know will not, creating a limit to how far knowledge is allowed to travel on these platforms before it risks the creators safety. 

I also want to write, this concept of unbecoming has been running around my head since June. Right now its as much as a theory as it is a process as it is a practise. It's undefined right now. But it somehow encompasses the journey this research has taken me on, the realizations I've had and beliefs I've had to shed. I think it's an important part of the puzzle, the unbecoming.

I’ve tried to outline the concepts im working on now below to look at reframing the digital: 

How can we interface the internet to create digital communities?

We experience the internet alone but that is an interface and not the truth, we are all online together

How can we acknowledge queer people on a binary internet?

queer and digital is antithetical, so queer digital spaces do not exist as queer is not binary 

How can we escape the cooption/monetisation of online social cooperation?

Demonetising Queerness - Removing social cooperation from the corporate platform complex as these platforms do not protect us and any resistance staged on their platforms are still monetised to their gain

How can we acknowledge the limitations of language and perscribed space (the masters tools) 

transcend the Limitations of the master's tools to art and poetry (Special thought to language and Digital spaces opened up by corporations)

How can we create reflective and expansive relationships with our digital selves 

explore Digitisation of the self, who do we want to be, how much of ourselves do we want to bring online 

How can we acknowledge and build up queer creatives as pedagogues and turn platforms into classrooms? 

Creatives are the new pedagoges, how do we engage in knowledge sharing digitally 

Next i will run some of these interventions with different creatives, as well as discussing my work with some CSM tutors to try and getting a better framework to build this into.

[kanmom51]

but the point still stands? they're not working right now and if they haven't interacted or acknowledged each other is because they don't want to, and that's it. nobody is paying them to use instagram. jimin ended up posting the pictures because he wanted to, he sent them to the gc and said he would post slowly and he has been doing that, & jm was too the onw who always posted about jikook and he's not doing it so the lack of jikook it really shows, and im not expecting him to but it's just fact

OK, so people please help me out here, because I've come to the end of my rope.

Anon, do you know how you draw a line between two dots, hence coming to conclusions? Well, there ain't two dots here. There is one, and then you are just drawing your own line coming up with your own conclusions, based on assumptions you are making out of nothing what so ever.

Lack of Jikook hence no posting? Really anon? Because they have posted personal Jikook moments for us to see over the past year/s? If we didn't get the hickey explanation in Mots One dvd you wouldn't even know it existed. They didn't share that moment with us on sm, so it didn't happen? They spent time together at night in ITS1 & 2, you got a glimpse of it on the show, much not shown to us. Did any of them post about it on sm? We know JM held Bam in his arms as a puppy, he said so himself in ITS2, if he hadn't told us that there, would we have known it ever happened? They didn't post in on sm, does that mean it never happened?

Point being once again: they don't post the bulk of their personal lives on sm. What we see in IG or Twitter is glimpses they want to share with us or can share with us to keep in touch with army, and has nothing to do with their own relationships with each other.

Just one more thing anon: I didn't expect them to share Jikook moments during their holiday, and kind of knew they wouldn't, because they couldn't. They are still working within certain boundaries as a gay closeted couple. And beyond them wanting to keep these private moments to themselves, even if they wanted to share them, I think that doing so while on break would be highly problematic to them and their need for plausible deniability.

In any case, this is the last time I'm going to answer you on this matter anon. I think I've been clear enough, and I'm sure you'll get more answers and reactions in the comments too, that might be able to convey what I'm trying to in a better way than myself.

[yooniesim]

I'm very glad to see this post after learning that others were harassed by this person just for banning them from a server. Learning about this situation made me have a few more thoughts, so I'll add them here, while boosting the original post.

(same cw as above, as well as mentions of csa & grooming)

First off, I'm extremely disappointed in the narrative he's tried to push now that everything else he tried didn't work- that this is an attempt to frame a gay man as a pedophile. It seems that Tianshi attempts to find any reason he can to avoid acknowledging people's actual concerns. If you ban or block him, it can't be because of anything he did- it has to be that you're homophobic, or racist, or just a bad person. It's impossible to be uncomfortable with him or his lack of boundaries- if you are, you're morally Wrong. It's a self-centered and entitled viewpoint. He's completely ignored that pretty much every person that's been uncomfortable with him has been queer, trans, and/or masc themselves. For me, it has absolutely nothing to do with him being gay or a man, and everything to do with a) not having proper boundaries or responsible tagging skills, b) being extremely hostile to csa survivors that express any discomfort or simply ban/block him silently, and c) refusing to admit fault in any sort of way or try to improve even a little. This is a man that lacks respect for others and seems to be unaware of basic decency.

I'm very surprised that this is the narrative that several simblrs have decided to throw themselves behind. I was under the impression that the sims community was very against the simulated exploitation of children- several large sims discord servers have extremely strict rules regarding mods of this nature, despite the content being fictional. I wonder, then, if these simblrs defend colonelnutty and magicbot the same way that they are defending yin shimo? Do y'all believe that they're being unfairly shunned for their content involving sims children? That they're simply being prosecuted in a homophobic manner? Or is it because these incidents are entrenched in hentai/anime culture that makes it okay? Is it okay because fictional japanese children are Other and simply don't squick you as much to see sexualized as children that Look Like You? Or do you just not like CN/MB anyway so it's easier to condemn them? Please explain.

That being said, I personally never wanted this to be about ship discourse or some kind of anti-kink discussion. That in itself would be hilarious for anyone that actually knows me- I tend to not care about fiction, and I have quite the laundry list of kinks. But it's because of that fact that I'm very strict about tagging and posting that content. None of my followers here know about any of that because this is not a strictly 18+ blog, I tag anything that could be considered nsfw appropriately, and my patreon is not 18+ either. I'm going to keep that content labeled and/or separated appropriately because, shocker, I'm a responsible adult. Tianshi did not, and still doesn't, take measures to make sure this is the case with his content. Because he doesn't believe he has any problems to address. In his immature way, he thinks it's everyone else's problem and he's doing everything right. And that behavior is what concerns me more than the fictional content itself.

(extra cw: description of past csa/grooming in the next paragraph)

When I was a child- around 11 years old- I had abusers that were in the 19-21 range. They exposed me to hentai, to l*licon and sh*tacon, and normalized it to me in order to draw me into sexual conversations and roleplay with them. They justified it as it being fictional and compared it to the regular anime that I loved, as if me being picked on for being a nerdy little kid was the same as them being "picked on" for their hentai. They would get extremely angry with anyone online that criticized them for how open they were with that content, they would attack them, and I would too. I didn't understand why everyone was getting so mad at the people I liked, that paid attention to me, over something that wasn't even real. It took me years and several good friends to realize that the things I was talking about in polite company- because it was normal to me- were not okay. That I was instinctively pushing my peers into sexual conversations without realizing I was crossing lines. I had to learn boundaries on my own because adults online didn't give enough of a shit to have any with me. Knowing that I was a child willingly participating in that type of content either made it more sexually satisfying for these people, or they simply did not care. These people were men and one woman, and yes, the men were gay/bi (the woman was straight, I think). Shocker, but being gay does not exclude you from being an awful person. It doesn't have a correlation with being a pedophile, but they do fucking exist. So get your heads screwed on and don't automatically jump to homophobia because this dumb fucker happens to be gay. It just makes you look like a reductive moron.

But back to the point... since then, I can easily recognize that same behavior. That's why this whole situation bothers me so much. I will distrust ANYONE that refuses to responsibly separate their kinks and attacks others for being uncomfortable or wanting boundaries with them. I will distrust anyone that laughs at csa survivors and calls them prudes and morons and assholes just for banning/blocking the person in question or asking them to tag properly. It makes you a fucking terrible person even if you aren't "a pedophile". The fact that this guy has had this many incidents with so many people over the years- from tumblr, my server, and now another server- makes me even more confident than banning him was the right call. And I think it was the right call for the occult server as well. They didn't deserve to be bullied and harassed for banning him. There was no witch hunt by one person- whether that simblr was referring to the anon or to me, I'm not sure- and framing it as such is irresponsible and callous. Multiple people came to me, and to the mods of this server it seems, but you know why they're not speaking out? Because they're scared of being attacked. They're scared of being harassed like we have been, and they're afraid they'll see simblrs they like defend the person they're scared of. But I'm not, and never have been, scared of lil Tianshi or whoever his friends are. (Frankly I haven't heard of most of them so I can't even comment on them) I'm going to stick to my morals no matter what. And those aren't (as much as Tianshi likes to frame it as such) anti-kink or prudish. They're in favor of healthy and appropriate boundaries, and of safe, sane, and consensual.

Hopefully, I won't have to say this again. And hopefully, no one else will be attacked by this weirdo or his mindless mooks any time soon. But if anyone is, I've got your back, and I'm glad to talk if you need it.

so, why did I delete my old blog? The short answer is I banned yin-shimo/tianshi88 from my now defunct occult simblr server and his friends proceeded to spin a narrative on tumblr that was false. In the moment it was not worth it to me fight back, but I am back and I am fighting for what I think is right–sharing what happened and why we chose to ban him in the first place. 

If you want the full details, I am going to lay it out under the cut but bare with me, I have never had to defend myself like this, and never thought I would. You can view this as drama or whatever, idc. I just want to say my peace and not have to think nor talk about this ever again.

Also, do not harass the mods if you know who they were. Do not harass anyone shown in the screenshots, they are only shown here for transparency sake. 

cw: homophobic rhetoric, harassment, sexualization of a minor mention

A few months ago I made the occult simblr, baby! discord server. It was public so anyone could join and there was no way for me to guess how many people would end up joining! (Almost 80!) I am thankful for the learning experience but it ended on a sour note. 

One of the users who joined goes by tianshi88/yin-shimo, a known cc creator in occult simmer circles, but to be frank, I was completely unaware of this person until yin-shimo joined my server and occasionally talked.

Some time goes by, and one of the mods suggests we create a server blog to reblog our users’ content! I say yes. It was a good idea, but an anonymous ask came in (screenshot below). This is where things go south. I made the call to reply publicly, which I regret, but only because a few people made it way more trouble than what it was worth.

So let's talk about the claims and what we (the mod team at the time and myself) found out—the initial post by yooniesim (link to his post about it, which he gave me permission to link here!) The allegation is about sexualization of a fictionalized minor in the anime/manga Blue Lock. Yin-shimo himself claims this pose is done by the character in the media itself. The character in question is a teenager. I hate that I am explaining this here but ahegao is essentially a sexual pose from hentai (anime porn). It is my opinion that media portrayal of this kind of thing is weird at best, dangerous at worst. The fact that it is a reference to it is a problem in of itself, but ultimately we decided this behavior was weird (as well as his actions following the initial callout about it) and it was best to remove him from the server and we made a brief statement in the server given the circumstances surrounding it. I do not have the screenshot for this server announcement nor our reply, but nowhere did in the original ask nor in the replies we made as mods, did anyone call him a pedophile. We stated “sexualized a fictional character” because that’s what it was. 

However, worth noting there are other things he has done, which imo are worse than what I am detailing here, as referenced in Yoonie’s linked post, that added to the decision to ban him, which can be triggering to read about, so fair warning! 

The next day I considered deleting the ask of the blog to not create drama out of something serious, but I didn't before I received a reply from puppycheesecake.

I do not have the screenshot but they essentially accused us of framing him as a pedophile–this is where I became aware of yin-shimo’s sexuality/pronouns for the first time and said we were participating in a witch hunt of a gay man started by “one person” ( the anon).

My response was to delete the ask and block them. I would have responded and told them to stop lying, because that’s what they were doing. But as a queer person, being accused of that triggered me on top of everything else so I deleted the ask and the mods and I made the decision to make a second statement to tie up loose ends in the server.  We turned off anon asks on that blog, and the day after i decide to take a break, what happens?

This reblog of a shitpost on my personal blog, on a post in which I  am talking about how much I love simblr shows up in my notifications—

That was the moment I was done. You’re not going to come onto my blog with lies and try to spin a narrative when it’s very clear you are more interested in protecting your friend than what is true.

most of the mods, including me, are trans/queer, so fuck off with that “gay man is a pedophile” narrative that you’re weaponizing. 

I didn't know yin-shimo’s pronouns nor sexuality, nor did it come up when the mods and I made the decision to ban him from the server.

This behavior is childish–something like this should have never happened in an 18+ server, nor should this have turned into drama, and yet here we are. 

As for “only one person” (as referenced by puppycheesecake)—once we made the call to ban him, several people came forward to tell us his presence made them uncomfortable in the server, so I think we made the right decision in the end. 

Ultimately, yin-shimo is upset he has to face consequences for his own actions and used his friends—neither of which were in the server—to do his dirty work. 

I regret answering the question publicly but I am not sorry for banning him, nor will I apologize for what we did not do–which is what is alleged in what context I have provided. I am going to reiterate that not once did the mods call him a pedophile. 

To everyone else, it is up to you how you want to curate your online space and who you want to interact with. I am not making that decision for you, but hopefully this clears things up.

[animeheadspace]

Hi there! Tokyo Revengers match up? (Male character results)

She/Her, female, straight, a gemini, INFP, ambivert leaning towards introvert. I wear glasses and usually need them when Im reading or using the computer or watching TV. My friends call me "mom" a lot because of how much I tend to look after and worry about others on instinct haha, I have a sweet tooth esp for cookies and milkshakes!

I'm quite optimistic and hopeful about everything but not to the point I disregard my negative feelings as well, I tend to overwork myself and put others first which can kind of lead me to be stressed and keeping things to myself but I'm trying my best to fix that! Seeing others happy makes me happy so that's why I tend to have a habit to just help people when they need it but I can also be quite an overthinker and an anxious mess but I hide it well haha, I act depending on the environment around me, if it's comfortable I'm very chatty and loud but if not I tend to stay quiet and just listen intently

Despite my kindness and friendliness, I do have my limits and boundaries and absolutely hate it when people take advantage of it, I'm very patient and rarely last out or get angry, I try to be understanding of others but if they put no effort or don't acknowledge their behaviours I simply cut them off

Music is life to me, I love singing and I write lyrics in my spare time too, I enjoy drawing, reading, and cafe hopping (visiting various cafes) I also love amusement parks and carnivals! A big animal lover and I adore kids so much!

Ideal relationship, I guess I'd like one where we can both communicate and respect and understand one another, as well as being supportive, I seem to like it when someone is being protective and caring of me, not overbearing but kind of like "I know they can handle themselves and I trust them but that still won't stop me from worrying and wanting to protect them" kind of feeling haha, and...Lots of hugs? I like a natural amount of affection haha, but a bit clingy when I get tired though so expect a lot of hugs and snuggles, basically I like it when we openly show that we care and love for one another, we have fun, act silly, but also know when to be serious

I also tend to notice the small things about people, what they like or don't like and all that stuff

That's about it, I apologize for such a long post, please take all the time you need to work on this and have a great day! Thank you in advance ^_^

hii tysm for dropping by!! and please don’t apologize for your long answer because as soon as i finished reading it i was like: MITSUYA TAKASHI. my toes are curling at how adorable this relationship would be!! you guys definitely first met at a cafe - mitsuya was planning on getting some pastries for his sisters and you were in line in front him. however, he noticed a line of string caught in your hair, and absentmindedly pulled it off, catching your attention. as soon as you turned around, even adorning a slightly confused look, his eyes widened, and he swore he fell in love with you as your conversation progressed. the reason why i think this relationship is so healthy is because you both are so caring - you both take care of each other in ways you could have never even imagined because you both are so used to taking care of other people. his favorite passtime with you is just spending time together in his room, your back to his back while he works on whatever outfit he needed to finish and while you softly hum to whatever music you’re creating. however, that only narrowly beats mitsuya bringing home cookie supplies that you, him, and his sisters decided to randomly bake that evening, ending up in a pile of white flour coating you, laughters as sweet as chocolate bouncing off of the walls. 

he’s definitely protective over you, limiting your exposure to toman just because he knows how dangerous their fights with other gangs can be. but his love can always be seen in mundane acts to, whether it be buying tickets to your favorite amusement park and walking around with a secure arm to your waist. mitsuya can completely pick out whenever you get anxious, always scheduling movie nights to cuddle to allow you to have a break from whatever is stressing you out. He indulges in your hugs, loving that your love language is physical touch. fights are almost nonexistent in your relationship because of how emotionally mature you both are, and if they do occur, you both offer each other time to calm down and talk over milkshakes. mitsuya is attuned to all your emotions, which is so new to you because youre so used to doing that for other people, and he repeatedly assures you that you always deserve it with a sweet kiss on your cheek. this relationship makes me so happy!!!

thanks for participating and have an amazing day as well!! <333

[actual-changeling]

I think it's important to draw a clear distinction between the way Aziraphale perceives things and the way they actually are.

I don't think any of the things you said are inherently incorrect, they do present Aziraphale's point of view and his feelings about Crowley and their relationship - but they are exactly that. His personal point of view. And for the most part, it does not align with reality.

First things first, "Crowley should have told him x" needs to be preceded by "Aziraphale should have made it possible for Crowley to tell him things". This post talks about that at length, so I will just throw the link here and summarize it really quick.

The gist of it is that Aziraphale has never proven himself to be a safe, trustworthy person that Crowley can talk to about emotional matters. He is either outright dismissive, makes it about himself, or ends up with a long-winded answer that boils down to "it's your fault because you're an evil demon". Additionally, even if Crowley had told Aziraphale about how horrible heaven is, Aziraphale would have argued every single one of his points, not accepted them or even understood them.

in s2, aziraphale has accepted that his idea of being an angel, and that of being an angel of heaven as it currently is, are mutually exclusive concepts. he accepts that his place is on earth, even if he misses the ignorance of what he had hoped heaven to be in s1. aziraphale, to me, is otherwise fairly content with his life as no longer being under heaven's thumb

This is a part I have to disagree with. Aziraphale has not moved on from heaven in the slightest. Yes, his behaviour in presence of the other angels is a bit more confident and less submissive, although his old patterns are still very much present, but he has fundamentally recreated his relationship with heaven on earth - with Crowley.

Instead of reporting his good deeds to heaven, he now reports them to Crowley, who is, in part responsible for it because he does not challenge Aziraphale on it.

"It's nice to tell someone about the good things you've done, now that I'm not reporting to Heaven."

This is not something a person who has exited said toxic relationship would say. It's not just about heaven, it never has been. It's about Aziraphale's entire world view, which includes his idea that he needs to do good deeds constantly or he will lose his identity as an angel. If if it weren't for armageddon't, Aziraphale would still gladly be reporting to heaven! But he can't, so he is trying to recreate that dynamic as best he can on earth.

The apology dance is its own topic, so I will keep it short, but I have written a post on that here. I think we need to keep in mind that a) Crowley has been apologizing for things that are Aziraphale's fault for centuries and b) we have never, not once, actually seen Aziraphale apologize to Crowley for intentionally hurting him several times.

Some more things to keep in mind:

Aziraphale has lied to Crowley numerous times for selfish reasons

He still thinks Crowley, as a demon, is beneath him, an angel.

He still thinks he can do no wrong because he is an angel.

He also still thinks that if he can just "reach the right people" or now simply take their position, that he can fix heaven. Aziraphale has not acknowledged heaven's bullshit yet, not in the slightest.

It is either his way or the highway; Crowley does not want to lose him, so he does what he says.

Yes, Crowley is dangerously co-dependent on him, but that makes Aziraphale the person with more power in this relationship because, again, he will do whatever Aziraphale wants to keep him in his life - including going against his needs and boundaries.

so this is where - very longwindedly - i come to echoing op's point. crowley has built himself around aziraphale, but that is not aziraphale's fault.

It is not Aziraphale's point in the same way it's not Crowley's fault that Aziraphale is recreating his heaven dynamic on earth - but they both still contributed to it instead of calling it out.

I don't think the "second in command" is about the actual power of the position, as you said, neither of them cares about that. But it would drastically change their relationship and reinforce the already existing fears and convictions: That Aziraphale is morally superior to Crowley, who needs to work hard tm and become an angel again since being a demon means you are evil and bad.

That is the power dynamic Aziraphale has created, and Crowley has been trying to tear it down since Eden, but Aziraphale is a stubborn bastard who has yet to acknowledge. well. All of it, really.

Aziraphale loves Crowley, he thinks him smart and capable and useful. He also thinks that Crowley is morally inferior to him and has never shown Crowley compassion or understanding, which is why Crowley has not shared his pain and traumas - it would not be safe for him to do so.

Those two co-exist. Aziraphale is not a bad person or actively malicious, but he is hurting Crowley and recreating abusive relationship patterns because it's all he knows. It's what he thinks life is supposed to be.

Until he understands that and actively deconstructs it, they will not get anywhere.

this post got me thinking about their power dynamic as a whole, and I think the reason why people perceive Aziraphale as having more power over Crowley is because - inadvertently or not - Crowley has managed to make his whole life revolve around Aziraphale

where Aziraphale has the bookshop, other shopkeepers (they die and others replace them but they're there) Crowley basically has nothing. and not because he can't, we saw him with Ms Sandwich, he's perfectly capable of forming relationships with humans. he's just. not as interested

and he doesn't really have roots, apart from his apartment that was taken away from him, an apartment that offers nothing but solitude

so when faced with a question such as the ending of s2 posed, Crowley's answer is easy, Aziraphale. Aziraphale's however? he has a job, a duty in his eyes. and while that duty does not trump Crowley, he can't say no to it and just stay. so he leaves

[gg-astrology]

hey💕 Need a little bit of help. My love life seems to be like a rollercoaster sometimes. I have Venus square Mars and Moon square Mars in my chart. I feel like timing when comes to love is a little off. Sometimes I am too open and caring towards a person and I think they just simply are thinking they don't have to offer something as love from me comes so easily. do you think Venus square Mars has a hard time setting up some boundaries when it comes to love?

Hey there 🖤 I hope you won’t mind ;; this is a bit long and I mostly just wrote from my experience as well. I hope it kinda resonates with you, or bring you some kind of peace somehow ;; I’ll put it under a read more 🖤

🚫long post 🚫

How to help with Venus -- for those who has trouble with love (love language) or affections (maybe helpful)  ⬇️

Mmmm I get what you mean, I hope you won’t mind if I talk about my own story as well? ;; 🖤 This resonates with me to a level, so I hope mine would resonate with you too. 🖤 I know it might not be the same for us both, but maybe we can talk about it together?🖤

For me, my Sagittarius Venus in 12th (conjunct Jupiter) makes me want to have a more ~universal~ kind of love as well, y know? 🖤 Friendship, relationships, familial -- I want to be ‘good’ at loving people that I don’t have to feel bad/guilty about it. 

Or -- y know, feel like I can ‘provide’ for others right. 🖤I used to think it’s because then I did ‘the best that I can’ ...  and this is probably also my Capricorn/Taurus/Virgo talking  -- but that’s not something that’s necessarily ‘good’ for me at all. To think about it in that way all the time (I’m changing slowly) 🖤

Because I put myself in a position where I’d rather ‘give’ to people than ‘take’, I have a problem with ‘asking’ for things/‘taking’ what people give me. To me, I do this thing where I just ‘give/demonstrate’ to people --- hoping that the integrity of it shines through without trying to ‘wish/expect’ things in return (just basic decency and respect for each other’s languages would make me ok) 

There’s hit and misses, not just romantically as well. If they see my efforts -- it resonates/touched them when they need it (or appreciates it) -- then i’m content/satisfied with doing that for them and helping them learn that (love language like this). 

Just-- bottom line, I’m happy. Because I’m the one expressing myself and dishing it out-- these are my feelings, this is what I want to show/do. I’m just expressing myself and I’m grateful for the opportunity/space they gave me to do that without blocking/hindering me (even though in some cases, I’d just ask if they give me a straight answer instead). 

But if they don’t, they see it and they acknowledge it -- but it doesn’t necessarily mean they are giving/receiving it in the same meaningful way that I am. I consider that maybe 1) I’m not being fair to myself because of this thing I know I do with fairness + giving/providing and 2) that they are receptive to love language in a different way, and that’s fantastic/amazing and I love that -- it’s a part of why I’m expressing myself to them. So maybe they’ll do the same back (but then I go back to point 1... and my own problems, and try to figure that out as well because that’s.. a problem)  

Perhaps they have a lighter, more fun love language. Perhaps a caring, more emotional kind of stuff. Maybe something that’s inspirational, ambitious, out-going. Something dry, blunt but helps with efficiency -- everybody’s love language has the same value, they all contain subtext and evoke personal gratitude in different ways. 

No one’s love language is ‘better’ or ‘worse’ than the others-- it’s personal preference. For me it’s an opportunity to learn, to hear and maybe connect, It breaks down my own ego -- if they appreciate/can see it and seem to have an idea, I want to hear what they think/feel/comment about it as well. 

I think they’re people (for me) who has a different view point, or perhaps something to be learn. Maybe it’s me that is learning-- or maybe it’s them. I want to be able to communicate and connect with them in that way, outside of just being interested in them -- I also want to learn about me and my own expression, how to improve/adapt on myself as well. 🖤  

Going back to point 1, where I said I have a problem with fairness. I think it’s also self-reflection and discovery that works in tandem with my relationships with as well. Because I don’t ‘claim’ or ‘take’ their affections actively -- I’m also phenomenally worse at ‘asking’ for things when I need it (validation, reassurance, support, care). It’s terrible for equal exchange because instead of being fair to me, I’m sabotaging myself out of fear/over-whelming feelings of gratitude/insecurities, when I actually ‘ask’ or ‘let’ myself accept stuff from others. 

It’s recognizing my own love language problems, the core source of my affections, motivations, fear, insecurities. What makes me tick what makes me love, what draws me to people and what people are drawn to me for. It’s  working slowly through recognizing how I work, evaluating and making some shift/changes to my internalized problems that’ll help me as well.

I think it’s--- there’s something to be worked on, constantly. But I can always narrow down on a few things I’d like to focus in on. Recently I’ve been looking into ‘what type of people’ garner my affections, and ‘why’ I’m so caring and loving towards them. I’m evaluating parts of my own motivation --- for me, it’s reciprocation/feeling like I need to give back (repay debt) in the same way they gave me. 

There’s consequences to that--- because a vague (or heavy) sense of guilt, of thinking of it as me being unfair/negligence in that regards linger with me. That I’m not being dutiful, or that I take something for granted (or is a ‘spinebreaker’ for those who gave and gave me things) -- but it all comes down to untangling the knots, and giving myself a chance to change my ideas/thinking and internalized stuff bit at a time. 

I can’t make changes instantly, nor is this a great response because I’m still lacking in many ways. But I hope-- even though this was just what I have so far-- that it helps you or anyone out there. If you have thoughts/opinions/feelings to help me too -- please definitely drop by  🖤🖤🖤 Sorry I just.. talked about myself this entire time skjnfkjsnkn 

[transadvice]

Hi! How do I come out to my parents when I mostly want them to feel at ease? I'm not concerned for myself, I'm now secure enough in my identity. I just want to make it as easy as possible for them. I guess the sledge-hammer "mom, dad, I'm trans" is not on. I could tell them the thoughts and feelings behind my own realisation, but maybe that too could overwhelm them? Do you have experience or advice re: coming out to people who don't know much about any not-cis gender?

It’s interesting to me that your primary concern is making this easy and comfortable for your parents - not for yourself, the person who is actually most affected. Trans people often feel internalized social pressure to make things easy on cis people; to apologize for our own existence; to bow and scrape and hope that cis people throw us a scrap of respect and dignity. Centering cis relatives’ feelings can be pragmatic, of course, especially if you live with or are financially dependent on them, but it’s also worth thinking about whether you value your own ease and comfort as much as other people’s. 

I urge you to spend some time thinking about how you’re going to make this conversation easier FOR YOU - for example, drawing a boundary on certain topics you don’t want to talk about, and planning some self-care for before and after the conversation. 

Here are my tips for the conversation itself. 

Choose Your Method

One option is to come out by letter, which will allow your parents to react privately and gather their thoughts before responding to you. This is a good option if your parents tend to prefer written communication, if you express yourself better in writing, or if you want to get across complex background information without interruption. For this approach, I recommend listening to the Nancy episode “Five Simple Steps” which describes a five-part coming out letter. In another post, I talked about coming out letters using the Nancy method. Since your family doesn’t know much about non-cis identities, it sounds like it would really helpful to include some trans 101 links in your letter, to get them started educating themselves.

Another option is to come out in person (or on the phone if you don’t live nearby). Coming out in person can be nerve-wracking, and it may not go how you want it to go (your parents could disappoint you with a less-than-stellar in-the-moment reaction), but one advantage is that you can respond to their individual questions and concerns in real-time. It can be a real back-and-forth conversation. You’ll be able to tell which aspects they want more information on, and notice when they seem overwhelmed. You can table the discussion if it seems unproductive, and pick it up again later.

Plan Your Opener

Getting the conversation started is the hardest part. For an in-person conversation, it might first help to set the expectation that you want their undivided attention for something a little more serious and momentous than the usual chit-chat, e.g. “Is now is a good time to talk? I have something I want to tell you.” If you’re writing a letter, that fact alone signals that you’re saying something important, but you could open with a sentence acknowledging that: “I’m writing this letter because I have something important to tell you.” 

Once you have their attention, I kind of feel like “I’m trans” is the way to go? Personally, I don’t think it is a sledgehammer. I think it’s a direct, unambiguous statement. I think that directness can be helpful, especially when your audience doesn’t know much about your topic. If I were to receive unexpected or startling news out of the blue, I’d rather have someone tell me straight than dance around it and make me piece together what they mean. If they don’t know what “trans” means, they can ask (or you can immediately define it for them). 

If you want a slightly softer announcement, you could say something like, “Lately, I’ve been questioning my gender.” But I recommend that you do get around to saying, “...and I have come to the conclusion that I am trans,” if that is indeed true. It’s tempting to try to ease your parents in with a preliminary “I may soon come out as trans” conversation, and kick the “I’m trans” can down the road, but I worry that presenting it as not-a-done-deal may invite too much argument (as if your being trans or not is up for debate), and may come off as disingenuous if they find out you’ve come out more unambiguously to other people. 

Anticipate Parental Concerns

This TS Roadmap post lays out of some of the concerns that parents have about their kids coming out; these might be helpful things to think about when you decide how you want to focus your letter or conversation. Your parents might have some of these concerns or different ones, and you’ll know best. I think it is helpful to anticipate some of the specific concerns that they may have as parents, which will be different from concerns that your friends, co-workers, or random other people will have. Then you can think about how you might address those concerns if/when they come up. Writing out your answers might be a helpful pre-exercise even if you plan to have the conversation in person. 

Plan a Follow-up Conversation

You don’t have to tell your parents everything in one conversation (or letter), especially if these concepts are new to them and you’re worried they’ll be overwhelmed. Give them a chance to absorb what you’ve told them and check out any resources your share. Let them know that you are open to continue the conversation later, and maybe even plan a specific opportunity to do so. 

Then go do your self care!

Don’t skip it! Go out with a friend, have a special treat, or just chill out and listen to calming music. You earned it!