#I don't really love that last line but I spent 45 minutes thinking about it and just said fuck it

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not wanting my partner to spend the holidays with his family?

So trigger warning for death/grief. I'm not sure if this is extremely straightforward in who is in the wrong here, it at least doesn't feel obvious to me.

My (24NB) mother (55F) passed away last week. She had struggled previously with cancer and liver failure but was seemingly doing well until a blood infection caused her to be hospitalized. She was expected to recover, but passed rather suddenly after a week in hospital.

She and I were incredibly close. We talked on the phone most days. The passing has been very difficult for me. Especially with it being so close to Christmas, I'm dreading the holidays. My mom was always the one who made Christmas special for my family.

Now, my partner (23M) loves Christmas and comes from a big family that is very close-knit. We've been together for a little over a year, and currently live together. Neither of us drive, but most of his family live 45 minutes from us. This makes visiting with them difficult as we're dependent on who can drive us and that usually means we have to stay much longer than we would with my family. As a result, he spent Thanksgiving with my family (Canadian Thanksgiving happening prior to my mom passing). This caused a total meltdown from his family, who saw this as me asking him to disrespect them. He ended up having to lie about being sick and missing both Thanksgivings.

Now that Christmas is approaching, I had already asked that we spend Christmas morning with my family if his family planned on being out of town just for ease. He agreed that would be easier, and the following year we could go with his family. This of course changed when my mom passed. Instead, my family planned on having a quiet Christmas together. I expected that he would still attend, especially since I'm expecting it to be hard on me.

His cousin (30sF) phoned the other day. They first talked about the hospital my mom passed in and how they had lost some of my moms belongings (the cousin works at the hospital and wanted to help us). I listened in to provide additional info for him to relay. At the end of that conversation, she brought up Christmas and said the plan was for herself and a few others to spend the entirety of Christmas Eve out of town with his family, and then leave Christmas morning following presents. He didn't argue, just gave a vague response along the lines of 'we'll see' which led to his cousin telling him it would be 'very unfair' of me to prevent him from spending Christmas with his family because I see him all the time and "it's only 24 hours". At the end, she added a quick "Your mom would really appreciate it!" Which hurt my feelings to hear, but I knew it wasn't intended that way.

The whole talk made me really upset, and I had to excuse myself to cry. After talking it through with a close friend, they suggested I bring it up to my partner just so he could understand that its difficult for me to think about Christmas for the time being. I did exactly that, and my partner got very upset with me. He told me that his cousin didn't intend it that way. He also told me that it was unfair that I already expected him to spend Christmas with my family, and that I was 'forcing' him to be a part of my family and taking him from his own.

It was never my intention to make him feel as though he couldn't spend time with his family, and I don't think I've ever said anything like that but I don't know how my words and actions have come across. I want him around for support during this first year without my mom, but I don't want him to feel that I'm forcing him into missing his own holidays. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[earlgreytea68]

hello!! is the merch they're selling online the same they had at the show (excluding the chicago exclusives ofc)? it all looks great

Okay, YES. LET'S TALK MERCH.

The first time I saw Fall Out Boy it was at a festival and so I spent the whole day hanging out by the barricades waiting for them to start, and at one point the nice person next to me saved my spot for me so I could go off and get lunch and then I walked up to the merch tent and bought merch, the end.

So I was COMPLETELY unprepared for the chaos of buying merch at this concert. Now I understand why I was reading about people being in line all day or whatever, and I was like, ...are people trying to buy last-minute tickets? Why are people in line? NOW I KNOW.

SO. I got to the stadium at 6 and I thought that would be plenty of time and it was, they didn't start playing until after 9, so it didn't matter that the merch lines were super-long because I had plenty of time to kill. (Although I wanted to catch the TAI set so I was glad that I found a merch stand with a shorter line and got through in 45 minutes.) BUT they were already sold out of a bunch of stuff by then. So if you really care what you get, I guess yeah, you have to get there early. I thought for sure they shouldn't sell out THE FIRST NIGHT OF THE TOUR but I'm also sure they're trying to create artificial scarcity.

I got one of the Wrigley exclusive shirts, which I really wanted, but the other shirt I was looking for I THINK turned out to be "the tour shirt" that's not available online. Their Instagram seemed to show a shirt that had the dog on it and the lyric "I think that I've been going through it and I've been putting your name to it." I love their shirts with lyrics and I love that lyric so that was the shirt I was aiming for and it was sold out when I got there. Whatever, I wasn't devastated, I got my Wrigley shirt and then I chose the shirt with the stars that's available online (the front of that shirt says "I'd never go, I just want to be invited" and as I said, I love the lyric shirts, and also I think it is so hilariously clever to use that lyric on the front of the shirt listing the tour stops lolololol GOOD ONE, BRONX loololol). But! This would be my advice to all of you (because I know you're all dying to hear it):

If you find the dog shirt, BUY IT, because apparently you can't get that one online. All of the other ones you can get online. And yes, to answer your actual question, all of the shirts online I saw there in person. The only one I don't see online is the dog one, and I didn't see that in person because I'm pretty sure it was already sold out, and because it's the only one not available online I assume that's the "tour shirt" they reference in the post as only being available at the venues.

Okay, so now! More information! I got the VIP package, not the one with the drinks or anything. Really I just got it for the seat. I got so confused by the ticket-buying process that by the time I figured it out, the Ticketmaster dynamic prices were through the roof, and the seats weren't even that good, and I was frustrated and clicked on the lowest VIP package and because those prices weren't on Ticketmaster (I think this is what happened), the seat was better AND cheaper, so it was a no-brainer, I bought the VIP package. (I have no idea how ticket prices/availability look right now, but I guess that's a tip for you, that the VIP package might not be as expensive as you think, especially if Ticketmaster prices are outrageous.)

So the VIP package came with merch which made me laugh because I assumed it would be terrible because: Fall Out Boy merch. It's actually cute! Honestly, their merch has entered a new era, Bronx must have taken a graphic design class. So, in case you're curious about that merch: It was a clear backpack with the smiley-face logo stamped on it; a fantastic cell phone lanyard thing with "FOB" on it; a keychain with "So Much for (Tour) Dust" on it; a coin with the same (?? Is this a thing people collect and I'm just Too Old); and THE BEST THING: A MAGIC 8-BALL.

Let me clarify: I'm no magic-8 ball aficionado. Like, they're not really my thing, that kitschy sort of thing. I know some people love it, and it seems totally on brand for Pete, but I saw the magic-8 ball and kind of shrugged. Today, I was finding places to stash all the merch and I decided to actually fool around with the magic-8 ball and IT'S A SPECIAL FALL OUT BOY MAGIC-8 BALL, THE CHOICES ARE FOB LYRICS. Like, one of them was "Stay thirsty like before." It's somewhat poorly made, the little triangle thing is hard to read (or, again, maybe I'm just Too Old), but it is SO CUTE, I'M DYING, WHAT A GREAT THING, I LOVE IT. So the VIP package was totally worth it for the magic-8 ball, A+, Pete Wentz, if you're reading this, I LOVE IT, WELL DONE.

[popstarryl0]

POPSTAR DIARY #2

RYL0 @ Boiler Room x Subculture:

The Show Goes On

I had been thinking about this set– the sequences, the movement, the onstage outfit changes– for weeks. I don't usually prepare for my sets so early in advance, but I didn't want to leave any room for error with this show in particular. Of course, there were sooo many elements that were out of my control that night– as every show night– so it was even more important to make sure I had all my shit together ahead of time.

I've played Catch One like 5 times at this point, so at least I was comfortable with the space and the layout. I've also already worked with the same sound tech from my last show at Catch One so he was already familiar with my setup too (which really made soundcheck super smooth). Between soundcheck & the show, Sunny, Hash, and Noah, and I went to Frax's airbnb to put the final touches on the look. By the time we all pulled back up to the venue, we could immediately see the massive line wrapped around the block... We were super worried for about 45 minutes that the rest our friends who were stuck in line wouldn't be able to get in in time to see me go on but Noah finessed everybody in just in time :)

I was kinda nervous when more and more people started to fill the room as the set ahead of me was coming to a close, but mostly I was just eager to finally do what I've spent the last month visualizing in my head. When I walked on the stage, I wanted to make this really dramatic Popstar entrance.... I had a whole thing planned out buttttt of course the mic was turned completely off when I started singing and when it finally turned on, there was so much feedback that even the autotune was out of key.... It was looking bleak for a second I'm ngl but once we finally got the first chorus, it was completely fine and went all the way off.

Or so I thought.....

Halfway through my set, there seemed to be a bit of a miscommunication about how long my set was actually supposed to be. Literally DURING Fancam, I almost got cut off right in the middle of my song right before Fraxiom came on to join me for Superpop! and Knock Knock. Sunny held down the decks even when people were coming on stage trying to get us to stop and we pushed through.... I was pissedddd through the next few songs and looking back on the vids, you can definitely tell hahahahaha (no hard feelings at all tho)

All things considered, the show was an absolute slay... Dare I say, the Biggest slay I could've ever asked for <3 The room was decently filled by the time my set started, but as I got off stage, the room was the most packed I had ever seen it. There was so much love & energy in The Jewel's Room at Catch One on 12/2/22 and I could tell pretty immediately that this was a moment in my life that could never be replicated or even properly captured–not even through all the beautiful photos we took to look back on

[phantom-curve]

did I shatter you? (epilogue)

part one: you’re not my homeland anymore | part two: when a good man hurts you | part three: there’s an ache in you, put there by the ache in me | part four: my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand | epilogue: what died didn’t stay dead

A cold wind whipped Julie Molina’s curls across her face as she sat on a bench in Coney Island. Light grey clouds hung overhead, darker on the horizon like a storm was headed her way. She shivered, tucking her coat more securely around her body as she stared out across the boardwalk, eyes unseeing. Sand crunched in the distance. A body emerged from the low hanging fog.

“Julie!”

Her head turned at the sound of her name. A figure was making its way towards her, signature orange beanie shining like a beacon in the misty air. A smile stole across her lips. She launched herself off of the bench, meeting him halfway in a tangle of limbs as she jumped into his arms. He staggered back a step, laughing softly.

“I missed you.”

She whispered the words directly in his ear, pressed him close as a shiver worked down his spine. His arms flexed against her back.

“You only beat me here by two days. If you hadn’t wanted to see them put the Rockefeller tree up so badly we could have been on the same plane.”

She leaned back in his hold, sticking her tongue out right in his face.

“You say that like you wouldn’t have been right there with me if Andi didn’t need you to wrap up contract negotiations. I don’t know why you three took so long with that anyway. I told you it didn’t matter to me.”

“It mattered to us. There’s no breaking up Julie and The Phantoms again. It’s all or nothing baby. Forever.”

His cold nose nuzzled against her cheek. She rolled her eyes, but the sentiment behind the boys demanding a clause in the new contract that wouldn’t allow the band to be split up by the label again came from a place that made her want to melt. A full year past their initial reconciliation and Luke was still proving to her every day that he was in this for the long haul.

When they had first approached the label about adding The Phantoms back to Julie, Andi hadn’t been sold on it at all. Despite the fact that they had a good 6 years of success under their belt, the desperation and immediateness of how Julie had broken them up didn’t make her keen to try again. But they had been adamant that they were better together. Julie did well as a solo artist, but she didn’t have near the same reach or recognition as when they had been a full band. The Phantoms performed well on rock charts without Julie, but they had dropped a lot of their pop demographic when they lost her sound. Business wise, it made sense to merge them again. It was Flynn who had cinched the deal for them.

One single picture, teasing nothing more than the back of Julie and Luke sitting next to each other on a piano bench was posted as a story on the official Julie and The Phantoms Instagram. The internet went into a tailspin of speculation. It was the first post the account had made since the break-up, and every single social media site had gone insane trying to figure out what it meant. Fans had all but demanded a reunion. Andi, through a knowing smirk, had offered them a new contract.

It had been a decent contract. Basically the same as the one they had before, just slightly less pay, which they could accept. Then, with Julie’s knowledge and consent, the boys spoke up and asked about adding a clause that would not only give the band sole ownership of the Julie and The Phantoms brand, but also would not allow the dissolution of the band’s contract in favor of solo contracts for any of the band members. In layman’s terms, no one could quit the band and stay at the label.

It gave the label less incentive to allow any of the band members to do the type of negotiation Julie had. She understood why they wanted it. Alex and Reggie had nearly wept with relief when they learned that Julie and Luke were working things out, healing and growing and fixing their shit. Actually, she was pretty sure Alex had wept now that she thought about it. Andi, again, hadn’t been sold. They’d been working her for the last few weeks, drawing out other parts of the contract to buy time. Finally, Andi had sat them down and said she understood what it meant to them, but she couldn’t give them everything. She was willing to add the break-up clause, but the label wanted to retain the brand rights. Julie had been okay with compromise, but the boys wanted to fight it out. Resigned, Andi had promised to fax Julie the completed copy after the boys signed. She was surprised Andi had been able to hold out two full days. The boys without Julie to temper them were a powerful force to be reckoned with. Andi had known she would lose the fight the moment that photo uploaded to Instagram.

Luke leaned forward to kiss the tip of her tongue. She pulled it back into her mouth with a giggled ewww! before unwrapping her legs from around his waist. Gently, he set her back on the ground, his fingers trailing down her arm to intertwine with hers. Swinging their arms back and forth softly, Luke led her away from the bench. They walked in silence for a moment, comfortable and cozy in each other’s presence. Julie’s soul hummed, the overwhelming feeling of rightness nearly making her head swim. She thought she would be used to it by now, used to being happy and whole again, but every day with Luke felt better than the last.

Occasionally, her head felt the need to remind her it hadn’t actually been that long. They’d only been reunited for just over a year, only back in a relationship for the last six months of that year. But, Luke had changed. The anger that had once sustained him didn’t lurk in the background anymore. He had made peace with the events of the past, and it had allowed him to fully move on in a way she hadn’t ever thought he would. Luke was a new man, and Julie had fallen for him all over again. Realistically, she should have known it would happen. She hadn’t ever been able to stop loving him in the first place.

Without warning, Luke spun her into his arms, dipping her with a dramatic flourish and planting a smacking kiss on her lips. Julie let out a peal of delighted laughter, holding onto his neck for dear life. He pulled her upright, grinning as he tucked her close for an impromptu bastardization of a waltz. She let him lead, content to rest her head against his chest, the sound of his heartbeat drumming into her head: homehomehome.

“I love you, Julie Molina.”

His words promised a lifetime of forever.

“I love you, Lucas Patterson.”

Under the same lights where they first came together, on the same pier where they had fallen apart so suddenly, in the same spot where they had started to rebuild their life together, Julie leaned into the man of her dreams. They weren’t perfect, but they were perfect for each other. And, in the end, that’s really all that mattered. Everything else was just background noise.

[multifandom-girlie]

𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐚 ?

Imagine: He asks you what you'd like for Christmas and you take it up a notch since he asked.

Pairings: Human!Elijah x Human!Reader

Warnings: Smut and a sweet family moment.

A/N: Hey guys! I just wanted to apologise in advance because this ended up being a lot longer than anticipated because I got a bit carried away and added the sweetest little family moment at the end anyway no more spoilers but enjoy!!

I had just unlocked the door to Mine and Elijah's apartment, where I had just got some a sexy Christmas outfit for Elijah's Christmas present, since he said I was enough and that he didn't want anything. I thought I'd give him me.

I was just finishing my hair, when I heard the front door open and close, that meant Elijah was home and just in time. He decided to be nice this Christmas and give Klaus and lift home since he got hammered at Rousseau's for Christmas and why not. 

“Beautiful ? I'm back.”

“Okay baby, just wait in the living room. I'll be out in a second.”

“Okay sweetheart.”

I smiled at the terms of endearment, it's a usual thing but I love it so very much. I get Goosebumps and start to blush whenever he says things like 'beautiful' or 'sweetheart'. I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled, I know he's going to love it. He always likes it when I dress up just for him.

I opened the bedroom door and stepped out, before walking towards Elijah and standing in front of his chair that he was sat in.

“Happy Christmas, Handsome.”

He gaped for a second and then closed his mouth regained his usual posture and smirked. His hands reached out to grab the diaphanous fabric of the lingerie I was wearing and muttered under his breath.

“Happy Christmas indeed. Wow....I feel terrible I didn't at least get dressed up for you.”

“No, it's okay. Don't worry about it.”

“No it's not. Tell me what you for christmas.”

“Santa ? Is that you ?”

He chuckled and I kept my act up and sat on his knee whilst his arm wrapped around my waist and his other hand rested on my knee.

“It is indeed. What would you like for Christmas this year ?”

“I've been thinking very hard about this Santa because I really don't want anything except one thing. So I would really appreciate it if you have it too me....”

“It better be a good thing to ask for because that was a hell of a build up...”

“I promise it is....”

“Well then, what would you like ?”

“I would like you to fuck me hard. Please.”

I looked at him lustfully and he returned the gesture. Before pulling both my legs and wrapping them around him, making my heels rest on his back. We were inches apart and very desperate to make good on my wish.

“As you wish, my beautiful.”

We grinned at eachother and kissed eachother roughly, passionately....lustfully. I'd never been so turned on as I was then in my life. He was about the rip the lingerie off of me but luckily I stopped him before he could.

“Wait, I spent too much on this for you to rip it straight away. At least let it get 2 wears in.”

“Fine.”

He left it on instead, luckily for us both, there was no bottom half to it. The lingerie was a just a transculent dress really. He pulled the cups of the dress under my breasts so they could breathe however they were immediately suffocated once again, only this time on the sweet mouth of Elijah Mikaelson. His tounge encircled each nipple, one by one and discharged a quiet moan from me.

I clutched at the nape of his neck and began to rub myself against his hard on immediately. He let out a small groan and tightened the grip he had on my nipple with his mouth, which inspired a slight screech from myself. I ripped the belt off of him and I threw it behind him to an empty space by the tree. I continued to rip his clothes off and one of the articles of clothing hit the tree and disturbed us because a bauble had smashed on the floor. We pulled away and started giggling at eachother and we're also incredibly out of breathe. He slipped his boxers off and I immediately blushed.

Everytime I saw how much I affected him, I blushed and I thought it was such an awkward thing to do. I had expressed how I felt about it before to Elijah but he reassured me that he very much adored it but I still feel that tiniest bit awkward. 

I still continued to rest my body on my knees and wrap my lips around his cock, he threw is head back and groaned before he forced himself to pull me off of him and stood up and made me sit down in the chair before kneeling down and lining himself up with my entrance. The action made me bite my lip in anticipation and my lip almost flew out of my mouth as soon as he thrust into me.

My hands gripped the arms of the chair and he consistenly thrusted into me at a slow pace. I stretched around him and his hips slapped against the back of my thighs and he deepened himself further inside of me. It was a tantinisingly slow pace but I knew he was making it last though.

It's not often that we get to just have sex without arranging it. The kids were staying with Rebekah and Marcel for the night and we were going to have a quiet night alone. We often have to plan we have sex though, which makes it less special and it's not even the kids we have to arrange it around...it’s also Klaus. He's incompetent without Elijah with him, I swear he has separation anxiety. I do feel bad for him though since Hayley doesn't like him seeing Hope alone because she's worried he's constantly drunk. He just missed Camille and has just attended the wedding of the love of his life and someone he saw as a brother to him.

Elijah gripped my legs, leaving handprints embroidered in my skins. He pulled out suddenly and flipped me around on the chair. I gripped the back of the chair and my knees sunk into the fabric of the bottom cushion. His large hands stroked my hips tightly before getting down on his own knees and licking and kissing my entrance, earning a few sweet moans to erupt from my throat. Not long after, he sprung back up and stroked my clit with the tip of his cock before suddenly thrusting straight into my entrance which caused a loud moan to echo around us. One of my hands gripped the arm and one gripped the back of the chair, as his pace quickened and he created slapping sounds between our bodies. He kept rocking his hips back and force at a never ending pace. Groans emitting from his body aswell and his hands founding the best grip on my hips. I started to tighten around him and not longer, I came all around him. 

He pulled me to stand up after I came and sat down himself before gently pulling my hand and prompting me to sit on his lap. He positioned himself at my entrance as I was still a bit shaky from my release. I sat down on him slowly whilst letting out a long breathy moan. His hands found my hips again and mine gripped his shoulders. I was too overstimulated to keep moving, so he moved my hips up and down on his lap so he could reach his orgasm. He started throbbing, stimulating me more and more until we both released all over eachother, making a mess. His juices were running down my thighs and dripping down his cock, falling onto his stomach. Mine, combining with his...again running down my thighs and drenching his now flaccid cock.

I carefully removed myself off of him, to grab a warm towel to clean us up with. The sheer material of my dress, tickling my legs as I walked. I walked into the bathroom and looked at myself. I knew I wasn't ugly but damn do I look good after sex. Although it never feels like just sex when it's with Elijah, it feels like pure, physical luck. I always feel like the luckiest women in the world...not forgetting the best looked after cause wow is he godly in physical act of love, for lack of more appropriate words. I walked back in after finishing cleaning myself up and handed him a cloth too, before giving him a kiss and going to run a bath.

“Hey Lijah handsome, I'm gonna run a bath do you wanna get in with me in a sec ?”

“I would love too, beautiful.”

He just finished and stopped in the doorway to our bedroom and turned to him.

“Can you b-"

He cut me off.

“Yes, I will get the wine. Give me a second sweetheart.”

I giggled and walked off. He walked into the bathroom, seeing me already in the bath. Surrounded by candles and and the sweet aroma of the Christmas candle burning, that smelt like cinnamon, hot wine, vanilla, ginger, orange,honey and chocolate. Just a warm, inviting smell to relax too on Christmas day. He got in and poured some white wine he had delivered, along with himself.

“Here we go beautiful.”

I grabbed the glass he handed me and we spent the whole bath talking about nice thing like: the kids, new years eve and complimenting eachother. After about 45 minutes, the water started to go cold so we decided to get out and get into some more comfortable clothes and tidy up a bit. We started to relax by sitting on the sofa and throwing a blanket on top of us whilst watching ‘It’s a wonderful life'...and let me tell you it most certainly is. We were just about to go make some hot cocoa when there was a knock on the door, confusing us both. We glanced at eachother in wonder and when I opened the door, Rebekah and the kids were standing there. I smiled at them as they ran in to say hi to their dad. I turned to Rebekah.

“I’m sorry, I know I promised I'd have them for the night but they wouldn't go to sleep unless Marcel read them a book or your and Elijah were there, but Marcel passed out whilst we were watching a film. I really wanted you and Elijah to have a night to yourselves and I really tried bu-”

I chuckled at her and held my hand up.

“Rebekah, it's fine we don't mind. Honestly, I was missing having the kids here anyway and we were just about to make hot cocoa anyway. Calm yourself down and go to sleep, you look exhausted.”

“Thankyou Y/N, I owe you one !”

“No you don't!”

I closed the door, to see the kids sat with their dad watching home alone. I smiled at the view, this is why I'm lucky to have Elijah.

OUTFIT

MASTERLIST

[tuiccim]

Santi (Part 4)

Pairing: Bucky X Reader

Words: 1480

Warnings: Fluff, flirt, implied smut

Summary: The team returns from their mission. You (Santi) and Bucky are still figuring out what you are. 

This is a shorter part but the next several parts are working out to be long. Stick with me. 

Santi Masterlist

You wake cuddled up against Bucky. The clock shows it's 9:45 in the morning. You could swear you heard a noise and before you are fully awake your door opens and Steve bustles in. 

"Santi, do you know where Bucky is?"

You sit up quickly, snatching the blanket to cover yourself, and glare at Steve. "Think you could knock next time?"

"Sorry. Do you know where Bucky is?" Steve repeats.

You look at him like he's crazy but realize the angle he's at doesn't give him a clear view of Bucky behind you until a metal arm raises up. 

"Right here, Punk." Bucky sits up and wraps an arm around your middle, resting his chin on your shoulder. "Really shouldn't just bust into peoples' rooms, Stevie."

Steve stares at the two of you slack-jawed and you are biting your lip to suppress a giggle even while you feel a blush creeping up.

"So, the team's back? Mission go okay?" You prompt.

"Uh, yeah. All good. I'm gonna go." Steve backs out of the room. 

You look at Bucky and you both crack up.

"Last night was pretty amazing." Bucky whispers in your ear.

"Yeah it was." You smile.

"Any chance of a repeat performance?"

“You just say the word, Sarge.” You chew your lip for a minute trying to figure out how to ask the next question. "Will Steve tell the others?"

"I don't think so."

"Buck?"

"Yeah?"

"Is...what, is...what. Oh, fuck it. Nevermind."

"It's something, Doll."

"Look, I'm not asking for a label or anything. I just… fuck. What I'm feeling is more than just physical. I mean, I don't think I've ever been as sexually attracted to someone as I am to you." Bucky gives you a cocky grin at that and you swat him playfully. "But I'm already catching feelings and if that's not what you want…" you falter and stare up at him hoping he'll pick up.

"It's not just physical for me either. We'll figure it out. Together." Bucky says while his lips play over the skin of your neck. 

You hum happily at the sensation and the sentiment. "We should get dressed. Check on the team."

"Okay, Doll. But first a kiss to tide me over."

Of course, it couldn't end with just a kiss, but forty-five minutes later you join most of the team in the common room. 

"Got your training in already?" Sam looks between you and Bucky. You're both sporting wet hair from a quick shower.

"Yeah, got in a good workout." You smile, "How did everything go?"

"Nothing too hairy. Mostly figuring out exactly what and where, ya know. Got it done. What did you two get up to?" Sam smirks at you. 

"Training, visited the Museum of Natural History, turn and burn intel mission, and introduced Bucky to Star Trek and Bad Boys."

"Bad Boys! That's my girl!" Sam fist bumps you. It's one of his favorite movies. "How'd metal man do on the mission?"

"Clean. Precise. He was easy to work with."

"Really? Usually he's a pain in the ass." Sam snarks.

"Depends on what I have to work with." Bucky shoots back.

You smile and roll your eyes as you walk over to Nat and sit next to her on the couch, "How you doin?"

"Fine. How was it?" Nat arches an eyebrow.

"We had fun. Bucky's sweet." You say softly as Sam and Bucky continue their verbal sparring.

"So, what kind of workout did you get in this morning? Must have been intense. Steve was practically white after he went to find  you guys." Nat smirks.

"You know. Good old calisthenics." You wink at her. "Where's Wanda and Vision?"

"Wanda said she was tired." 

"Got ya." 

The rest of the day is spent with everyone relaxing. Sam decides to complete Steve and Bucky's Bad Boys education by putting on the two remaining movies for the afternoon. You decide to bake a cake and make lasagna for dinner. Everyone loves your lasagna laced with homemade meatballs and sausage. You always felt a hearty meal after a mission was good medicine. 

“Doll, you not watching the movie?” Bucky looks back at you from his spot on the couch. 

“I’m gonna start some stuff for dinner tonight. I’ll join you in a bit.”

You get to work and enjoy hearing the guys laughing and goofing around with each other during the movie. Nat, Wanda, and Vision eventually filter into the living room. Once the lasagna is in the oven and the cake is cooling, you head to the living room. Most of the seats were taken at this point. The only one open on the couch was between Steve and Sam, but Bucky sees you coming, shoves Steve over, and pulls you down beside him. Wanda looks over at you and raises an eyebrow. You just smile at her as you snuggle into Bucky's side. 

After dinner, Nat and Wanda pull you away. Once ensconced in Wanda's room they both pounce. 

Wanda saying, "What was that with Bucky?"

And Natasha immediately follows, "You two seem awful cozy. Was I right?"

Wanda's attention snaps to Nat, "What do you mean were you right?"

Nat starts, "When we got back this mor...mmmmph." 

You quickly cover Nat's mouth. "Nothing! Nothing happened this morning."

"Lies!" Wanda squeals.

Natasha and you are in a battle. You are trying to cover her mouth and she’s doing her best to capture your hands. She manages to get a few words out as you two spar. "Morning...Steve went...to find'em...came back white as ghost...from shock. What…" You give up at this point and just let her talk. "What'd he see, Santi?"

"Steve burst into my room without knocking. Rude, right? Totally caught me sleeping naked." You say.

"I thought you were working out when we got back." Nat smirks knowing she caught you.

"Fuck!" You explain succinctly the time you and Bucky spent together, the extreme attraction, and the whole scene this morning. 

"This is amazing." Wanda giggles.

"It's confusing, is what it is. It's so fast for me. It just feels so right though. I'm so attracted to him physically but I like him, ya know. He's so sweet and funny and fun. We just clicked. We worked so well together on the mission and… I don't know. I like him. He likes me. We just have to figure things out as we go."

"Def fast." Nat says. "But in our line of work, best not to wait."

“Yeah. Speaking of, Wanda, you and Vision seem to be figuring things out very well.” You smile and settle in for a chat. 

The guys had all settled back in the common room. Steve was eyeing Bucky, but it was Sam who piped up. 

“Santi, huh?” He smiles as he nods. Bucky just grins. 

“She’s hot.” Sam says causing Bucky to practically growl at him. Sam throws his head back and laughs. 

“She’s a kind person. I’m glad to see her finally taking an interest in someone.” Vision says. 

“She doesn’t date much?  Bucky tries to ask casually. 

“Not to my knowledge since she has been here.” Vision states.

Steve smiles at Bucky, “I always say don’t wait too long. You didn’t waste any time.”

Bucky shrugs but a smile tugs at his lips. “Feels right.”

You head to your room a little later and hear the elevator open as you get to your door. You turn to see Steve and Bucky. “Hey guys.”

“Night, Santi.” Steve says with a smirk and goes to his room. 

Bucky approaches you slowly. “Hey, Doll.” He almost seems nervous. 

“Did you enjoy the movies?” You ask. 

“Yeah. They were good. Enjoyed them more with you curled up next to me.” 

“Is that so?” You open your door and nod your head for him to go in. “What’d you and the guys talk about?

“Bet it was the same thing as Wanda and Nat talked to you about.” He laughs.

“What’s happening with us. Yeah. Told ‘em it just feels…”

“Right.” Bucky finishes. 

“Yeah. I think the whole team kinda has the attitude that in our line of work it’s not always smart to wait.”

“Yeah.” Bucky reaches for you and you willingly go into his arms. 

You look up into his face, “Honestly, this is kinda fast for me, Bucky. I don’t wanna stop. Don’t get me wrong, but I’m a little scared.” 

“Well, I haven’t really dated since the 40s, so.” He chuckles. 

You laugh, “I didn’t realize. Damn. So, am I like a crazy forward hussy or about on par for the 40s dames?”

Bucky laughs again, “Depended on the dame, but I’m gonna go with crazy forward and I like it.”

You pull him into a kiss, “Good. Now take my clothes off.”

He grins against your mouth as he complies.

Part 5

[pbandjesse]

Today was a great day. We did so much! I did not sleep well so I was worried I would be foggy all day but I was fine. I feel tired now but also just really happy.

My allergies were just really really bad last night and I didn't breathe great. So when I woke up I felt horrible. I just laid there for a long time. But I just felt so bad. It sucked. I was not having fun.

James came and held my hand. We scrolled through tumblr together. And eventually, I did get up.

I shook off my sleepiness pretty fast all things considered. I felt very cute today. It was surprisingly cold out so I had to be a little bundled. James made me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for breakfast and I did some styling until about 11.

We left here and went to put gas in the car. James took us out to the parkway to get the shell gas since we get money off from groceries. And then it was time to get downtown for our venue visit.

We were a little early so we walked around the block and read the history of the venue. I didn't realize it used to be a museum. They actually left some of the museum infrastructures in the ball rooms, like fake streets and store fronts, and murrals. So that was neat.

We spoke to someone in the neighborhood who said she sees beautiful weddings there all the time. And I agree it is a beautiful space.

When we started the actual tour our guide was very nice but I couldn't help to feel that everything felt very dated. The courtyard was lovely, and my favorite part. But the actual hotel, breakfast rooms, etc, were just so heavily dropped that they felt incredibly old-fashioned. Not vintage, not even period accurate. But heavy and old. I felt like often there were places that were covered in fabric just to hide things and it just wast my favorite. For being the most expensive site I don't think I love it.

But the outside spaces were so great. After the tour we sat down and looked at pictures of how things were styled and such. And they all looked beautiful. But I just don't think it will be right for us. They were really nice though and I am glad we went.

Me and James got back to the car and we got excited for our next thing of the day. While we were waiting for our tour to start we decided to go to a pumpkin patch in the afternoon. We had tickets for Maize Quest, which is just over the boarder in PA at 245. So we went home to grab my camera and change shoes and James grabbed their coffee and we went off.

We were going to get lunch at a grille out there but we couldn't find it in the end. So instead we went to five guys and honestly Im glad we did. It was better for the timing and was the perfect amount of food.

We had a nice little lunch and drove out to the farm. It was so much fun.

The maize was the main thing. I was surprised how much of a production it was. We had gotten the slightly more expensive ticket so we could also go on the big slide. It was actually only $2 more which was exactly what we wanted. But the main attraction was the maize.

Which was INTENSE. We had to watch a video first with rules and then we were off. We spent like a half hour trying to find our way out using the photo of the map I took. We had to find clues and stuff and it was so cute. I was a little overheated but the rain held off and so I didn't mind being a little warm. I was having a great time.

Eventually, though I was a little to tired of wandering in a circle so I used their website and they had a GPS tracker that lets you follow along on the map. And while it didn't give the answer it did orient us and it was great. We would run into the same people a few times and had some laughs. It was a lot of fun.

The whole maze took about 45 minutes. And then it was slide time!

James went on the bigger one, I went on the one with less of an intense drop. But it was fun! I am glad we did it. Then it was time for pumpkins.

We waited in the line and a nice girl told me she really liked my hair. What a sweetheart. The actual hayride was a little scary because of the side moving, but it was good.

We found our pumpkin pretty fast. We decided to just get one bumpy one. And I am very pleased with the pumpkin we got.. And it was like $5. So that was nice. The ride back was a little sillier, with a family who wanted to be everyone's friends. They were nice enough. But it was nice to get off the ride.

We paid for our pumpkin and went to our car. Drove to the other side of the farm to go to the market. We got to get a few free heritage apples, which I always love. Love a weird apple. And we each got a pastry. James got pumpkin fritters and I got apple glazed donuts. And we got a cider to share.

The drive home was nice. We listened to a podcast. And were home in an hour. I was very tired. But it was still a nice drive.

We got back here and James went for a little bike ride. I laid down for a little before I took my nail polish off to redo.

And now Im going to get washed up and ready to go to bed. Today was lovely. I am in a great mood and I feel really happy. I hope you are too. Goodnight everyone. Take care of each other.

[deathtale0-0]

Mother's Day

TW // police brutality, police murder, racism

It was 19:35 on Mother's Day and I was going home. Well, more like I was rushing home. I was doing that weird thing where you run a bit and then walk a bit so that people don't look at you funny, but it was dark out, so I don't know why I was even doing it. You see, I spent Mother's Day at a friend's house because ma was working a long shift at the hospital today and didn't want me to be alone, but she was meant to be home soon, and I was meant to be home already. See my problem?

Flickering lights from streetlamps chased me, happy to be of use to someone in the night, as I noticed the foolishness of what I was doing and decided to run the last stretch home. My trainers thumped dully each time they connected with the dying pavement, with each crack and break it smugly showed a naïve attempt to catch at someone's feet and drag them to its depth of humiliation and neglect. Silence encompassed the night air, only broken by my shallow pants as I checked the phone held in my nimble mocha hand to see the time - 19:37 - I would make it home before her. But that happiness was short-lived as I rounded the corner and was hit with a gut-wrenching dread. Not dread that one feels as they go to their first school dance, or when they speak in public, but the type of dread that creeps into your flesh from the cruelty of the world and seeps into your bloodstream, filling your body with the distinct sense that something is not right. This dread gripped my mind with talons in its dark prowess, and came in the form of white and blue…

I slowed to a halt as the police officer came into sight, the rules that turned my melanin into a curse in this country flashing across my mind in a panic, but it was too late, he had seen me running. Without thinking, I tucked my phone into my sleeve. He stared at me, his brown eyes pierced my brown skin as I failed to see the softness that usually came with those colour eyes and as he failed to see me as anything other than my blackness. Flustered, I scanned him, saw the dirty blond hair poking out from underneath the hat that sat proudly on his head and the mouth that was set in a hard line. I saw the tension in his muscles and the wariness of his stance as he eyed me up and down, scrutinising me. I saw him take in the Adidas joggers, the Jordan's, the black hoodie, the black baseball cap, and most of all the black skin. Today was a bad day to wear all black as well as be all black. His harsh eyes stopped at my shaking fingers clutching my duffel bag tight. My own eyes flicked down to my bag before looking back up and with shaky legs, I decided to keep walking and pretend as if nothing had happened – because nothing had, I didn't do anything wrong so there was no need for me to be nervous. Yet as I took steps forwards, I realised there was a need for me to be nervous because things happen, I just never thought that they would happen to me, but my feet walked all of one metre before the officer stepped in my path.

He stood directly under a streetlamp, "Where you heading, kid?" A question that was so simple, so easy, and yet so loaded. I was paused in the middle of the pavement, about two and a half metres away from him, stood in the spot where the light from the lamp had begun to fade – the outskirts. Growing up I knew my favourite Bible verse was 'all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God' but why was it that when he looked at me I felt like I had fallen farther than others? When he looked at me and asked that question, I felt like the biggest sinner of them all. After being silent for a moment too long he took a step forward and asked again.

"Home, sir," the words tumbled out, raw and messy, but oh so true, "I'm just heading home, sir."

"Home? Let's not pretend I didn't see you running a minute ago, where are you really heading?" His voice had a weight to it that made me sick. A quiet conviction that made me feel guilty.

"Sir, I swear I'm just going home-" the words tumbled out again, raw and messy, but oh so desperate.

"Then why were you running?" He took a step closer and I took a step back, the light surrounding me became dimmer.

"I was, it was because-" my hands were sweaty as they balled into fists but then straightened out again because I didn't want to seem angry, didn't want to seem like one of those drug-dealing thugs that the media paints us as, "-I'm, I'm late home, sir, and my ma she-"

"What's in the bag?" he demanded, his gruff voice taking on a menacing tone that sent chills up my spine.

"Sir it's nothing, it's just-"

"You just said it was nothing so how is it suddenly something, huh? Tell me where you're really coming from," he walked straight up to me and stared me in the eyes, "what you got in there kid? Who'd you rob the store for? You one of those thugs?" and the condemnation in his words almost made me believe it. I stared into his eyes and saw nothing but coldness, I thought that if we had no resemblance then it'd be over for me, so as pitiful as it sounded I hoped and prayed that he would see that I wasn't doing anything wrong if only because we both had brown eyes – he could relate to me because we both had brown eyes. Pathetic right? My body shook as his malice grew in front of me, "What, you think you guys can keep getting away with things like this? Open your bag!" and I felt tears prick at the back of my eyes as I willed myself not to cry in front of this man. I guess my silence assured him of his twisted righteousness as he shoved me to the ground with such force that I heard a sickening crack and when I touched the back of my head, it came away wet, slick with blood. My phone, although still in my sleeve had landed awkwardly on my wrist as he loomed over me like a demon, his pale skin stark against the night. "Are you not gonna answer me, boy?" the question, so casual, as he crouched beside me, baring his teeth and cruelty.

I didn't know why he was so angry. But I did. I was a criminal in his eyes. A criminal for having my skin two shades too dark, I missed the mark for acceptance in his eyes – the eyes of this country, this society. I was painted with a blackness that came from richness and royalty, but today ordained me as a target for those filled with a lust for hatred to take out their bigotry on. A blackness that was not a choice for me and yet shackled me to the fate of every other black man in this country – to die because of my blackness or live constantly reminded of it. Looking at him now, with the streetlamp behind him, I bet this scene was right to him, he was standing in the light, and here I was, sprawled out on the floor, afraid, alone, and in the dark. He shone his torch at me, and I put my hand out to block it, but as my hands went out to protect, his hands went out to his gun. I froze. As I lay there, vulnerable and with my melanin pooled around me – the dark in his city of light, of white - he kicked my bag, "Open it."

"Yes, sir," came my shaky reply as I slowly pulled myself up off the floor, my head lit up with agony. With his hands firmly plastered on his gun and his gun aimed at me, I reached for the zipper with my coffee hands and began to unzip my bag slowly. But, through some cruel twist of fate, someone called me. The call surprised me, so I let go of my sleeve and out fell the phone, but to him it was a gun…to them it's always a gun.

I felt them before I heard them, before I saw them, and I wish I could tell you how it felt, but I can't, because it hurt too much. He shot me six times in the chest before I could even say "Please," before I could even look at him and plead my case of life in this monochrome world. After the ringing in my ears stopped, I became weightless – just for one lovely moment – before my body, mind and soul dropped as one to the ground, feeling like the burden of the world that Atlas carried on his shoulders. I'd never felt so heavy, so conscious of my humanity and mortality as I did when I lay there dying. Tears streamed, desperate to fall as evidence of my life, to leave the mark that I was here, because there was no one else around to see me fall. As I felt vibrations in the earth, I looked to my side to see my phone screen lit up and ringing once more. After cringing at the brightness, I noticed that it was 19:45 and that the caller, it was ma. I was too tired to move. I lay there, in the darkness, with naught but my wheezing breaths, my inky blood seeping from my body, and my tragic story seeping from my soul to keep me company. A flash of pink caught my eyes as they started to close, pink of all things, pink that seemed so out of place in my greyscale experience. It was from my roses. I gathered my remaining strength to tilt my head to look through the half-zipped top of my bag and there were the roses I had bought for ma resting in the bottom. More tears streamed. Oh, the irony of it all. Looking up, I see the moon and decide that I want to die looking at it, simply because I have nothing else to look at. It has a sharp contrast to the darkness of the night sky, one's attention is drawn to it as it overlooks the Earth, taking over from the sun as the overseer and the one who must witness all the horrors this world has to offer. How sad it must be to be the moon. Grey, white, and black begin to swirl into each other and blend as I keep looking, the grey overtaking the white, and finally the black overtakes the grey as I close my eyes to rest.

At 19:49, ma called me again, but I was dead.

[burned-gucci]

(Your) Friendship Reaction: Friday Night With The Girls!

A fairly casual Friday night sleepover with your best friend(s)

Karina:

She had asked you to come over tonight to play games, eat, drink, sleep. Maybe some scary movies. However, the plan seemingly changed when showed up to her place and found her in the bathroom bleaching her hair with a box of burgundy hair dye on the sink in front of her.

Karina definitely isn't shy about dying her hair, she changes hair colors like one would change out a load of laundry. It feels like every time you see you she has a new hair color, so this really isn't new. It's also not new for her to switch plans last minute cause truth be told, she never knows what she wants to do until that moment hits and an idea springs into her mind.

As she continued bleeching her hair, you hoped up on the sink counter and watched her while you talked. She said you could use her nail polish, mess with her makeup, do whatever you wanted. Play whatever music you wanted. If you liked, she even offered to dye your hair as well since she has plenty. It was up to you!

You guys ended up talking about a number of things. Discussing the latest episode of your favorite tv series and guessing what would happen next using logic from what has happened thus far. She laughed at random jokes and lines you repeated from the show, knowing exactly what scene you were refering to as she commented back with the next line. Afterwards y'all talked music videos, celebrities you both like and dislike maybe. Filled each other in on the news (celebrity or politics). Once the bleach was in and her hair was held up in a plastic bag, she went to grab her keys so you could both go grab some food, she let you choose the place.

It was always kinda weird how shameless she is but at the same time, her confidence about it is inspiring and one of her best qualities. Anywho, hoping in her broken apart damaged black car that no-one knows how it's still running, Karina drove you guys to the restraunt and put in your order picking up the food and driving back JUST in time for her to wash out her hair.

You ate as she washed her hair and attempted to eat little bites of her food as she applied the hair coloring, not wanting to waste time in between. As you low-key called her gross and made jokes you still helped her eat while feeding her little bites of food, teasing her sometimes and making her chase the fork/spoon/iteam. Overall, the eating process was full of laughing and her threatening to dump the hair dye on you just for you to threaten dipping her food in the hair color changing soup in return.

As her hair dye had to sit in for 45 minutes, the two of you watched music videos and played kids monopoly, or jenga. As they're the only games she currently owns! Karina being the not-so-well-focused girl that she is, ended up losing for silly reasons. In jenga she lost because she didn't realise 2/3 of the blocks in the middle row had already been pulled out, since she was eyes glued on the video, and she ended up pulling the last block and knocking the whole tower over in the process. During monopoly she simply had bad luck of sitting in jail throughout half of the game, allowing you to buy the majority of the properties. The other half the game she was paying you and the bank causing her to go bankrupt with only one or two properties being owned by her.

After the game you end up helping her wash out and dry her hair upon her endless begging you to just for her in the end to decide she isn't sure how she feels about this color. After spending about 4 hours total on her hair, she kinda wishes it was still black but she decides to leave it anyways. Insisting she'll clean up the bathroom mess tomorrow (she won't) she pulls you back to the living room and puts on your favorite movie for you guys to watch in the backround while sharing random stories back and forth.

Ciara:

Ciara isn't entirely sure why she invited you over at night knowing well enough she isn't a night time person. She's usually asleep before 11pm. However, she's really missed hanging out with you lately and your presence alone gives her so much energy and makes her happy.

When you arrived, she was eating a bowl of cheerios and drinking some gatorade while scrolling through instagram looking at denim skirts. The first thing she said to you as you walked inside the house was 'what do you think of this?' As she held her phone up to show you a light blue denim knee length skirt with a yellow sunshine on the bottom right side. You gave your opinion on it as you sat across from her at the table. "You're welcome to the kitchen. I don't care what you eat as long as I don't have to make it." She pointed towards the kitchen as she continued to scroll. Almost dropping the phone in her bowl of milk, as you made your choice on what to do, Ciara ended up slapping the phone back at herself and hitting herself in the face with it. Laughing and half crying, she placed the phone on the table and held her nose. "Maybe I should put that down for now!" She stated fairly loudly before getting back to her food.

After eating and placing the dishes in the sink for her to wash later, Ciara headed to her room with you close behind. Forgetting she had washed her sheets earlier, Ciara had to now make her bed. She asked you for help putting the bottom sheet on, let you choose your own blanket from the closet, she made the rest of the bed half efforted. Wrinkles covered the sheets and the pillows were simply thrown at the top of the bed but she didn't care much since you guys were both going to be laying in it immediately anyways!

Crawling into bed to lay on the side closest to the window, Ciara situated herself before tapping the bed beside her for you to lay down. Knowing you well enough, she handed you a book you love/turned the tv onto your favorite channel and let you do your own things as she scrolled through instagram once again occasionally asking for your opinion on certain clothing iteams.

If you have any to share, she listened to you share your thoughts, about whatever was on your mind. She gave her advice and shared her honest opinions in return. If you just wanted to lay there and watch your show/read your book she was fine with that too. She just wanted to be with you and hang together. Not necessarily do something together, that's what tomorrow is for!

At some point, your unsure of when, she managed to fall asleep facing the wall using her arm as a pillow, her actual pillow tossed to the foot of the bed. She was curled up halfway in a ball half stretched out, taking up half the bed space. She looked peaceful, almost dead she was so still and quiet, but peaceful.

Monse:

She had everything planned out! Dinner: Taco Bar! She made different kinds of main fillings based on your tastes and hers. Included little things she knows you love and she set the table up in a very aesthetic and neat way. Drinks: at the store she made sure to buy a few of your favorite drinks as well as a case of water. She also made homemade punch using sherbet ice cream and 7up/Sprite. Outfits: She had your guys matching Marvel/DC robes ans pj sets pulled out and on her bed. Hers was a Nebula/Poison ivy (depending on which one you prefer) set while yours was Gamora/Harley Quinn (dending).

Once you got there, you guys would eat then change. As you ate, she asked all about your day, let you rant and get everything off your cheat if need be. She told you what you wanted to hear and what you needed to hear as you guys discissed several topics. After eating she let you use the bedroom/bathroom to get ready first while she cleaned up the mess before going to change her own clothes and get ready for bed.

Afterwards, she set up the table with posterboard, construction paper, assorted art supplies, ect because tonight you guys will be making your own board game! Whether it be a toally made up game based on shared thoughts between you two or a remake of an already owned and made game. EX.: Marvel/DC based monopoly. Twister using memes. Your own version of battle ship or LIFE. Whatever it may be!

As you both divided up the jobs of who does what parts and as you agreed upon one main idea for the game/gave ideas for the game, Monse played your guys 'Alien Dreamz' playlist AKA the music playlist you guys made last time you spent the night. The whole time y'all were making the game she kept making really bad puns. As she was measuring the cardboard she came up with 'whos the King of school supplies? The RULER!' Before laughing at her own joke. She asked: 'Whats a frogs favorite art supply? Ribbon-t, Ribbon-t' and actually sounding like a frog as she cut ribbon for decoration. The list is endless honestly.

While working on your guys project, between her bad jokes, she complimented you on random things that she genuinely adores about you. Like how pretty/handsom/cute you look when you're focused. Or how she loves the way your hands look as you use a pair of scissors. How soft your eyelashes look. How much she loves your laugh/singing voice. Ect. If you compliment her back, she'll blush and giggle feeling shy but so happy under the surface.

Eventually, she gets really tired and asks if your ready to go to bed saying y'all can finish the game in the morning. You end up laying on the bed she made on the floor out of twelve dozens blankets and pillows, stuffed animals and sheets. While you lay together you share a bowl of popcorn/snack of your choice while watching the Simpsons or any tv show you want if you don't like the Simpsons. She tries so hard to wait for you to fall asleep first so you won't feel lonely but she was so tired she ended up falling asleep a few minutes before you do.

Question of the Day:

Can you/do you stay up late or fall asleep at a decent/early hour?

My Answer:

Depends on the day! Some nights I'm asleep at 7pm some times I can stay up for 80+ hours. It just depends!

[etlunainmorte]

❄❄❄

***

*Bella Basil Raspberry Tea*

Total Time - 45 minutes preparation plus chilling

Serves - 6

Ingredients

3 cups fresh raspberries

1 cup sugar

1 cup packed fresh basil leaves, coarsely chopped

1/4 cup lime juice

2 individual black tea bags

1 bottle ( 1 liter ) carbonated water or 1 bottle ( 750 milliliters ) sparkling rose wine

Ice cubes

Fresh raspberries and basil leaves, optional

Directions

In a large saucepan, combine the raspberries, sugar, basil and lime juice. Mash berries. Cook over medium heat for 7 minutes or until berries release juices.

Remove from the heat; add tea bags. Cover and steep for 20 minutes. Strain, discarding tea bags and raspberry seeds. Transfer tea to a 2 - qt. pitcher. Cover and refrigerate until serving.

Just before serving, slowly add carbonated water or wine. Serve over ice. If desired, top with raspberries and basil.

Nutrition Facts

1 cup: 281 calories, 0 fat ( 0 saturated fat ), 0 cholesterol, 9mg sodium, 44g carbohydrate ( 37g sugars, 4g fiber ), 1g protein.

*Cookie Dough Stuffed Oreos*

Yields - 30

Prep Time - 10 minutes

Total Time - 1 hour 35 minutes

Ingredients

1/2 c. ( 1 stick ) melted butter

1/2 c. granulated sugar 

1/2 c. packed brown sugar 

1 tsp. pure vanilla extract 

1 c. almond flour 

1/2 tsp. kosher salt 

2/3 c. mini chocolate chips

24 Oreos

1 c. chocolate chips

1 tbsp. coconut oil 

1/4 c. sprinkles 

Directions

Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper. In a large bowl, whisk together melted butter, sugars, and vanilla. Stir in almond flour and salt, then fold in mini chocolate chips. 

Separate Oreos trying to keep cream intact. Place 2 tsp of cookie dough on Oreo half with cream, then sandwich with other half of Oreo. Repeat with remaining Oreos and dough. 

Place chocolate chips and coconut oil in a microwave safe bowl and microwave in 30 second intervals until melted. Dip Oreos halfway into chocolate, place on prepared baking sheet, and top with sprinkles. Refrigerate until chocolate is hardened, 1 hour.

***

"You said, please, say yes." You excitedly informed him. "And I said, yes! I'm going to the New Year's Ball with you, V!"

It took the poet a full minute before he finally realized what you were talking about. And when he finally realized what your words truly meant, his eyes slowly widened and his mouth fell open in shock. He grabbed his messy hair with both hands and spoke, "That - that's your answer, right? You'll go to the Ball with me?"

"Hahaha! Of course, you silly poet!" You laughed as you threw yourself at him, hugging him and placing a tender kiss on his cheek. Oh, how sweet you smelled. What a nice morning, indeed! "See ya!"

And before V could even reciprocate with a kiss of his own, you took your hands off him, waved, and went back to your house.

Now, if it were only that easy.

"What happened to you, dear?" Adelaide asked you, a plate of fluffy pancakes in her hand. 

Your hands automatically went up your hair as realization finally kicked in. "I told him I'd go the Ball with him."

"Yes, and?"

Giving your grandmother a horrified look, you answered, "I don't have a vintage dress!"

***

❄ Three Wishes ❄

***

IX

***

"You're in luck." Your cousin, Avery, told you as she nudged your arm with an elbow. "I got your back."

"Thanks." You answered with a shy smile as the two of you made your way to her mansion.

It was a good thing that you called Avery first before going to the shopping district to look for a decent vintage dress. You never knew much about gowns or even dresses ( except for the ones you wear for your concours and concertos ), and you're just glad to have her around.

And honestly? She didn't disappoint. Not only were you not going to spend a single cent, you're also going to have the full vintage wardrobe experience free of charge!

Avery opened the heavy wooden door, a feat which always awed you, and allowed you to step into the threshold first before her.

The warmth of the place welcomed you like an old friend, and the entirely redesigned interior made it look as good, or even better, as new. Avery chucked ( not literally, of course ) the old Grecian statues and the rest of the old stuff away ( including your great grandfather's intimidating life - size portrait, which, if she could be honest, was already considered cursed by a lot of curators ), put them up for auction, and actually gained a lot of money from it ( well, not that Roman would refuse, anyway ). She hired a florist and an interior designer for a revamp of the mansion, and voila!

And now, as you glanced with wonder and admiration at the complete transformation of the interior, your jaw couldn't help but drop and your eyes couldn't help but widen. The house, and all the places and corners the eye could possibly reach, looked actually clean, it didn't even look like a haunted mansion, anymore. In place of the old Grecian statues were two Venetian pedestals with modern flower vases in it. The baroque period paintings were gone from the walls, replaced with modern ones depicting gardens in all four seasons. The old and worn down window frames were also replaced. Even the floorboards don't squeak anymore.

Everything was brand new! And everywhere you look, there were lots, and lots, and lots,... of flowers! And,... this actually made you a bit confused.

Avery, actually decorating her house with flowers,... ?

"Didn't know you'd go for flower power." You let out your thoughts as you followed and observed the positively radiant woman upstairs. "And you looked, ah,... different." You remarked, seeing that she finally got rid of her blue highlights and just let her hair grow naturally, letting its true auburn color show, which looked perfect in its own way. You also noticed that her style changed, as well. Instead of a loud statement shirt, a pair of ripped jeans, and a pair of thick leather boots, she's wearing a pastel - colored floral dress, and a pair of wedges.

Avery,... wearing dresses?

Am I missing something here? You thought to yourself as you smiled at your cousin.

"Who? Me? Different?" Avery replied as she glanced at you at the corner of her eye.

You hummed in approval. "You looked,... radiant."

"Nah! I'm still old me. And you're the main focus here, not me. So, if you please,..." Your cousin requested as she gestured for you to open the door to the bedroom on the left hallway. You grabbed the doorknob firmly, carefully turned it, and opened the door,...

You felt a strange wave of nostalgia brush you gently in the face as you entered the old room. The huge French canopy bed on the left, the sweet scent wafting about the cozy room, the pastel colored wallpaper, the heavy floral curtains, and even the white vanity table on the right gave the impression that this room belonged to a very delicate lady,...

... who seemed very much in love.

Huh? Why did I think of that? You pondered as you heard the door close behind you.

"I had this room renovated." Avery told you as she walked towards the vanity table and placed a hand on the ornate mirror. "This belonged to gran's mom."

"Really?!" You gasped, taken by surprise by what you just heard from your cousin. Your eyes wandered once more all over the place, drinking in all the lovely sights the room could offer. It's as if,... the room itself held some sort of significance to you. Like you've been here before. "Wow,..."

"You know, V spent a lot of time in this room last October." Avery giggled as she gave you a sly sideways glance, wanting to see your reaction. And you didn't disappoint. The moment your cousin mentioned his one letter name, your face heated up, making it as red as a beetroot.

"W - what's he doing here?" You stuttered, making the other woman laugh.

"Ah! Long story. I'll tell you some other time." Avery answered as she went towards the large wooden closet on the left near the French canopy bed. "But, I'll tell you this: he's in love with gran's mom."

"Sorry?"

"Never mind." Your cousin teased as she opened the closet, revealing a huge collection of Victorian era dresses of all fabrics, colors, and shapes.

And it simply took your breath away! And instantly made you forget what Avery just revealed.

"Amazing!" You gasped in awe as Avery took one dress made completely out of lace from the huge closet. "It's so, so beautiful!"

"Look, I may tell you that this lady here suits your skin tone but, you can try as many of these as you like." Avery told you as she carefully handed you the delicate dress. "Hell, you can try all of them!"

And that's what you did for the next few hours. As tiring as it was, carefully putting on these dresses and making sure that they don't get damaged in the process, it really was fun trying them on. There were just too many, in different shades of red, blue, purple, green, and yellow, in different fabrics like lace, satin, silk, chiffon, and in different cuts, although ninety - five percent of them had extremely low necklines and all of them had tight fitting bodice.

And somehow, the dresses,...

... felt so familiar to you. From the colors perfectly matching your skin tone, to their sizes exactly fitting your form.

It was like you actually owned them.

"That's beautiful." Avery, who got so tired of waiting and elected to just sit on the bed to watch your every move, said for seemingly the hundredth time that day.

"Yes but," You answered as you uncomfortably looked down at what you’re wearing: an exquisite pale green dress with an empire waist and a pair of bishop sleeves made of voluminous silk. " ... it doesn't seem right."

Avery rolled her eyes as she crossed her arms. "I told you. Pick whatever you like. V will not judge you if you pick the wrong one, come on!"

"No, it's not that I'm worried about V judging me." You said as you faced the closet once more. "These dresses are all beautiful, and they all fit so perfectly, it's actually scary. But, I don't feel,... special,... in any of them. In a way."

"What do you mean by that?"

"It's like,... I'm happy they all fit. But, I'm not happy wearing them."

"Really? How so?"

"It's like,... ah,... how do I explain this?" You bit your lower lip as you browsed the many more dresses that were hanging inside the vintage closet belonging to your gran's mom. "It's like, I'm looking for something that resonates. That feels special. You know what I'm saying?"

"I'm not sure I know what you meant." Avery answered as she collapsed on the white pillows.

"Ah, it's so hard to - "

"Hard to what?"

You turned towards your cousin, your eyes almost popping out of their sockets and your mouth opening wide. Like you've just awoken to a huge revelation.

"Found something that resonates?" Avery asked as she rolled on the bed, propping her chin on her knuckles and playfully swaying her feet back and forth.

"I might have." You replied as you took a particular dress from the closet and made your way once again towards the massive bathroom. "Wait."

"Isn't that what you're already making V do?" Avery teased with a huge grin plastered on her face as she rolled on the bed once more and laid on her back.

"What's that?!" Your voice echoed from the bathroom. You were just too weirded out with your cousin's behavior.

"Nothing! And make it quick already! I'm starving!"

"Alright! Alright! And can you put something else in here, like a vanity table or something? It feels really empty here!"

"Just like how V feels without you?"

"Come again?!"

"Did I say something?"

"Ugh!"

Avery was clutching her stomach with both hands, hysterically laughing at her jokes when you finally came out of the bathroom. And when she saw you, her mouth simply dropped.

"Girl," She gasped, feeling as if her eyes were deceiving her. " ... you're wearing,... that?"

"Yes!" You proudly declared as you made a little pirouette, the soft fabric of the dress flowing gracefully with your movement. "Isn't this perfect?!"

"W - well," Avery said, still a bit tongue - tied, as she got off the bed and made her way towards you. " ... I must say that's a really curious choice. A good choice, nonetheless. Looks perfect, yes."

Your eyebrows knitted, confusion with Avery's strange commentary on the dress you chose starting to set in. "You don't look happy."

"What? Ugh! Come on, I said it's perfect, right? Now, get dressed and come down, I'm really starving, I could eat a huge bird right now!”

You were still staring at the dress laid carefully on the sofa a few minutes later as you and your cousin enjoyed some cookie dough stuffed oreos and bella basil raspberry tea.

"So, are you gonna tell me?" You said after taking a sip of the sweet beverage. "What V was doing there last October?"

"Ye really wanna know?"

"Well, duh. Of course."

Avery took one cookie from the huge plate and pointed it at you. "Do you believe in ghosts?"

"Umm, yes? No? I don't know,..."

"Well, whatever your belief is, this place," Avery said, taking a bite of the treat. " ... used to be haunted. And I commissioned the Legendary Devil Hunter to drive the spirit out. But, he refused!" She said, then took another bite. "And this man, this thin man who calls himself V, he volunteered. He confronted the Demon who took over this place," She plopped the treat into her mouth and chewed. And with a still full mouth, she said, " ... and set the tortured souls free. Safe to say he won, right?"

"Oh, I s - "

"BUT, of course, you wouldn't believe me! So, forget what I just said." Avery took another cookie and ate it whole. Then, after that, she took another one from the plate and ate it as well.

"You, ah, eat well!" You said, carefully choosing your words so as not to offend your cousin.

"Who, me?" Avery asked as she ate another cookie, then took a sip of her tea. "Nah. Must be your imagination."

" ... okay,... "

"I answered your question, now answer mine." Avery gestured at the dress on the sofa and took another treat from the almost empty plate. "What made you choose that dress?"

"Instinct." You simply answered.

"Meaning?"

"I feel it's the one, you know?"

"Just like how you feel about V?"

"OH, SH - !"

"I'm home, ladies!" Roman, who just entered the living room, greeted you and made his way towards his wife to plant a kiss on her radiant cheek. He, then, took out a box of dumplings from a plastic bag and showed it to Avery, whose eyes and mouth widened in delight.

"Roman Mikael Francisco, you greatest husband in the world!" Avery exclaimed in ecstasy as she grabbed the Chinese take out box from Roman's hand. "How did you know I'm craving this?"

"Instinct." Roman answered as he winked at you, making you nod in realization of the real situation.

"Oh, shush, you!" Avery playfully slapped Roman's hand and looked back at you. "And you! You have to go back home, it's getting late."

"I'm not a kid!" You replied with a silly grin on your face as you took the dress from the sofa. "And it's only afternoon."

"Whatever." Avery said and stood, accidentally dropping her handkerchief from her lap to the floor in the process. "Oh, it fell! Just like how you and V fell for each other!"

"Stop!"

***

❄ @la-vita , @clevermentalitybeliever , @birdgirl69 , @v-vic , and @dreaming-gamer . ❄

***

"You alright on your own?" Roman asked graciously as he walked with you towards your house. "You need help with that box? That's huge!"

"I can handle this, thanks!" You replied with a smile as you held the box containing the dress and its accessories closer to your form.

"Are you a hundred percent sure?"

"Yes."

Roman nodded, his charming smile showing on his young - looking face. "Alright, alright. I'll go back to Avery, then. She's getting more and more delicate these past few days, you know?"

"Yeah. Take care of her, alright?"

"Si, si." Roman smiled, waved, and walked back towards the mansion.

So, I'm right! You thought as you opened the door to your own house. "Gran, I'm home - "

However, something, or someone, stopped you in your tracks.

Christopher Lancaster, your narcissistic former lover, was waiting for you in the living room. What's more, he was holding an expensive - looking bouquet of red roses, there was a box of expensive French chocolate on the table, and Adelaide was looking at the man with utter hate and disdain from one corner of the room. Like he forced her to let him in the house.

"(Y/N)!" The man greeted as he stood up from the sofa and made his way towards you. "I was waiting for you."

You took a few steps back and held the box right in front of you to prevent the man from getting closer to you. "What do you want, Christopher?"

"Aww, how cold! Yikes!" The man sarcastically said as he made a shivering gesture. "I only wanted to give this to you - "

"What. Do you. Want?"

"Sheesh, can't a man invite a lady properly to the New Year's Ball?"

"Oh! Is that so?"

"So, you'll come with me! That's great news! I - "

"Get out of here, you're scaring gran."

The man drew back in shock at what he just heard. "I beg your pardon?"

"I said, GET OUT! I'M NOT GOING TO THE BALL WITH YOU!"

"WHAT? YOU CAN'T REFUSE ME!"

"WELL, I JUST DID!" You yelled as you took the box of expensive chocolate from the table and shoved it forcefully into his arms. "NOW, GET OUT!"

The man gave you one last look of contempt before turning and finally leaving you and your grandmother alone.

And, hell, it felt good!

***

❄❄❄

***

[phandomsecretvalentines]

(darling don't be afraid) i will love you

Happy late-vday-early-bday @ryn-exe (can’t tag?)!!! Hope u enjoy, soz if it’s not good but i’m not so amazing(phil)

This is 2.1k words. There’s a bit of dream-violence (not in detail) and a lot of anxiety and fear so if u don’t like that stuff!! Tell me!!!! And i’ll write something else for you, i don’t mind. (You didn’t say anything i wasn’t supposed to write but idk). I’d describe this as hurt/comfort i think lmaooo

Basic summery i wrote fo myself: Dan and Phil, and how they deal with each other’s 3am fears (2009 vs 2018, now)

From a pitch-hitter 💓💓

——

[Saturday; 10.26.09; 03:37]

——

Dan<33 (03:37): phil? :[

Phil (03:45): Yrha

Phil (03:47): Sorry!! Yeah**

Phil (03:47): Why are you up so early/late?? I barely woke up

Dan<33 (03:49): sorry i woke you :/

Dan<33 (03:50): my parents went away for a bit and i’m home alone and i cant turn off the lights cuz im too scared

Dan<33 (03:51): and i can’t sleep so bad even hugging pillow cant help mee :[[

Dan<33 (03:52): so im sitting in the hallway with every light im the house on alone in just my pants

Dan<33 (03:52): and i was a idiot and missed you so i woke you up at so late and now ur gonna hate me crap

Dan<33 (03:52): sorry

Phil (03:53): I’ll never ever hate you dan!!! <<33333333333333

Phil (03:53): I’m sorry ur so scared :[[ I wish I was there to be strong and protect u again

Dan<33 (03:54): i wish you were here too

Phil (03:54): :[ <3

Dan<33 (03:58): CDAP PHIL I THINK I HESRF A GHOST

Dan<33 (03:58): IR MONSTER

Dan<33 (03:58): FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Phil (03:59): Dan oh my gosh are you okay??

Dan<33 (04:00): yeah i think but

Dan<33 (04:00): i heard something phil

Dan<33 (04:01): im scared

Dan<33 (04:02): i can’t believe im 18 and i’m actually sobbing out of fear alone and naked in a hallway over a fucking noise

Dan<33 (04:02): to my boyfriend

Dan<33 (04:02): on skype

Dan<33 (04:03): fuck

Phil (04:03): Dan :[[ i’m so sorry

Dan<33 (04:04): it’s not your fault

Phil (04:04): Want me to call you??? (If u want)

Dan<33 (04:05): can we skype instead?

Dan<33 (04:05): i want to see your face plz <3

Dan<33 (04:05): if thats okay

Phil (04:06): That’s fine! One sec plz :]

——

[Phil would like to add Dan<33 to a call (02:33)]

[Accept] [Decline]

[Accepted]

——

When Dan answered the call, his face was red and puffed and wet. Even through the crap-pixel screen quality, Phil could see that.

“Hey,” Dan’s voice broke.

“Hi,”

Dan was shaking slightly.

His face suddenly flushed, “Oh shit, I forgot – I’m, uh, in only pants. In front of you. Crap.”

“It’s fine, I’ve seen you shirtless before.” Phil smiled what he hoped was reassuringly, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah — I mean, I am now. I guess.”

“Are you cold?”

“Kinda.” Dan admitted.

“Want to go to bed?”

“My room is too dark –”

“Well, I’ll be there, wont I? And I’ll protect you from everything bad in the dark.”

“You’re not really here.”

“Only ever a few hours away. And if worst comes to worst, I have the police line and the monster-killer line. So you’ll be super safe.”

Dan muffled a giggle, “Yeah, okay.”

He shuffled up off the floor, and made his way into his bedroom, clutching the laptop tightly.

“I dunno if I’m getting any sleep tonight, honestly.”

“You will! You can cuddle your pillow and I’ll tell you stories until the demons go away and you can sleep.”

“I’m not five, Phil.” There was no malice in his reply.

“You don’t need to be five for any of that to be true.” Phil said, serious tone.

“Okay,”

Minutes later, Dan was snuggled under his covers; hugging a pillow tightly as he listened to Phil go on about some guy at the market.

“Then, he pulled a hot dog out of his left pocket. Who keeps a single —”

“Phil?” Dan interrupted, his voice was dripping with sleep.

“Mm?”

“Do you think I’m stupid?”

“No.” Phil answered simply.

“I mean – for being so scared of such dumb stuff. Seven-year-olds are braver than me.”

“It’s okay to have fears, Dan. I bet you’re not the only adult with those fears either,”

“I’m scared of the dark. And ghosts and monsters and moths and demons and –”

“– and that’s fine. I don’t mind.”

“And it’s not annoying to deal with? I’m not?”

“You will never be annoying to ‘deal with’; I promise.”

Phil meant it.

——

[Monday; 12.07.09; 02:59]

——

Phil :]]]<333333 (02:59): Dan?

Dan (03:00): yeah??? <3

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:03): I’m scared

Dan (03:04): of what :[[

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:04): I dunno it’s just creaky downstairs and I’m alone for the night I guess

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:04): Nvm

Dan (03:05): no tell me i want to help u

Dan (03:05): plz

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:07): Well it’s just that

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:08): It’s really dark and windy

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:08): And there was a tree snapping against my window I thought our house might’ve blown down

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:09): And I thought i heard thunder which usually isn'tn too bad but right now its scaring me a bit

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:10): I don’t wanna be alone rn is all

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:10): But i am brave! So it’ll be okay i think

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:10): Don’t worry about me <33

Dan (03:11): i want to worry :[

Dan (03:11): you don’t always have to be brave <333 ily and i would give you the biggest hug if i were there

Dan (03:12): and tell the trees and thnder to fuck off and let you sleep

Dan (03:12): and then we would sleep all cuddled up togerher like we do sometimes and it would be warm and nice

Dan (03:14): i wish i were there with you

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:15): You will be someday so it’s okay now too :]

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:15): But plz tell the trees and thunder to fuck off it’s very loud :’[[[

Dan (03:16): if u call me i will????

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:17): Lol okay :p

——

[Incoming call from Dan]

[Accepted]

——

“Hi!” Dan really should be quieter; last time he called Phil at three in the morning his dad had yelled at him.

“Hi,” Phil’s sleep-laced voice answered.

A booming crack of thunder, and a whimper.

“Don’t worry – it… won’t hurt you.” Despite everything, Dan was sometimes still quite new to the role of 'comfort’ in their relationship.

“I know, just loud.”

Dan wished he was like Phil. He wished he could just pull out an intresting story, a funny idea.

“Sorry.”

He wasn’t like Phil, though.

“Want to play a game?”

“What game could we possibly play through a phone call?” Dan could practically hear Phil rolling his eyes.

Dan wracked his brain for quick ideas.

“Eye-Spy?”

“We’re… not in the same room Dan.”

“Yeah, true.”

Dan’s room suddenly felt rather empty and uninteresting.

Dan felt empty and uninteresting.

“What do you want me to do?” He finally muttered.

He held his breath.

“I just like hearing your voice, it calms me down. I like when you rant about things you love.”

Let it out.

“Oh. Well – want to hear my never-ending thoughts on WALL-E then?”

“Definitely.”

——

[Sunday; 02.04.18; 04:12]

——

“Phil?”

“Mhm?” He rolled over and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, “What’re you doing up?”

“There was a moth.”

“A moth?”

“Yes!” Dan looked around the room nervously, rolling on his heels, “It’s in the lounge somewhere and I can’t sleep knowing it’s out there — lurking.”

Phil groaned.

“Fucking kill it! Or set it free, I dunno. I just need it gone.”

“You are truly the perfect mix of 'needy child’ and 'angry businessman’, Danny.”

“Fuck off.”

“Mm, lemme get a cup then.”

Phil shoved on his glasses and stumbled out of bed into the kitchen, Dan following closely behind.

“Where was it again?” He asked, grabbing a wine glass from the cupboard.

They hadn’t really drank much alcohol these past few years– since Dan had gone on antidepressents— but they still always kept the glasses, to drink Ribena and seem fancy.

“No! You’ll need a bigger cup, it’s huge.” He whined.

“Okay,” he grabbed another glass, “where is it?”

“In the lounge last I saw.”

“I’ll go look, you get a piece of paper.”

Genuine terror painted over Dan’s face, “I don’t want to be alone.”

“Christ’s sake Dan, it’s a moth, not an armed burglar. I think you’ll live.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do. Now, just go a minute.”

He then ventured into the lounge, still half-drowned by sleep, when he heard a shriek.

“Dan?”

“Phil! Fucking help!”

Anyone else might’ve thought Dan was being held at gunpoint from the panicked way he was yelling.

“Coming!”

He went into the hall; Dan was standing there, paralysed with fear, as a giant moth flew circles around him. He had tears threatening to fall.

“Oh dear,”

Phil went over to the closet and grabbed a broom, spent a few go’s waving it around– and almost hitting Dan in the process— before smacking it head on.

“Aw, now I feel bad for killing it,” He whispered.

Dan was on the floor now, shaking, tears stained down his cheeks. He was in only pants.

And Phil was there.

“Well, the moth’s gone now isn’t it?” He crouched down next to Dan, putting his hands gently on his shoulders.

“Mmm,” Dan had his head tucked in his knees.

“Are you okay?”

Silence.

“That’s fine. Want me to make you some tea?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

A few minutes later, in the kitchen, with dried cheeks; “I can’t believe how much of a wimp I am.”

The kettle rang, and Phil took it off the stove carefully.

“No —”

“I know, I know, my therapist told me. 'It’s never weak to have fears’. But I cried over a fucking moth. In our hallway. It’s late and –”

“– and that’s okay.”

“It’s not okay Phil!”

“It’s fine in the moment, that’s what I mean.”

He grabbed a NASA mug, and poured the boiling water in a teapot.

“I must be exhausting.”

Phil dropped in a teabag.

He still remembered. It was a promise made at 4am; a promise over Skype to a more-than-slightly-terrified eighteen year old.

A promise made to a bunch of pixel’s with a name and a face and fear.

A promise his Dan probably didn’t even remember, honestly.

“No, I promised that much.”

“Mhm,”

He poured the tea.

“So, two sugars or three?”

“Two.”

——

[Friday; 02.16.18; 05:12]

——

Dan was on the sofa; snuggled up in blankets and watching the winter Olympics through his small Iphone screen. His eyes were heavy, he yawned.

Their bedroom door squeaked opened.

“Hey,” Phil spoke quietly.

“Up so late?”

“You’re up too.”

“Well — I’m watching the Olympics. You know it’s on late in the UK.”

“Alright.” Phil shuffled into the kitchen, grabbing a glass and leaving the cupboard door wide open.

“Why are you awake?”

“Just another nightmare, s'fine.”

“Then why did you come out here?”

His voice might’ve been read as upset – he was just tired. Half the time Dan honestly didn’t mean to come off so rude.

“Dunno,”

“What was it about?”

“Uh — I think my family was trapped, you included, and I was the only person who could save them. But I had to do something… I think, I had to open a lock to somewhere? But I was too nervous. I saw everyone die; I knew it was my fault. I saw – you know, blood. Not too much. But it’s fine.”

As he spoke, he went over to the sink and got a glass of water, adding iced-cubes; his tone was unnaturally cool and casual.

“But I heard your skull shatter –”

“What the fuck —”

“Sorry! You asked though.”

“No – I mean, that’s horrible. Jesus christ, are you okay?”

Phil shrugged, “It happens, it’s okay though. Just a dream.”

It was only at that moment Dan noticed Phil’s eyes were a little too redded, his words a little bit shaky.

Phil started back to their room.

“Are you going back to sleep?”

“Probably.” His reply was tired.

“Oh – uh, well, why don’t you stay with me and watch the Olympics? I know you’ve never really cared, not your thing, but still I think that —”

“Sure! I’ll stay, yeah.” Phil quickly answered.

“Okay.”

Phil put his glass of water back down on the counter, and walked over to the sofa. Dan opened up his blanket fort and invited Phil in.

“These are the men’s single runs.”

“Mhm,” Phil nuzzled his head into Dan’s neck, which usually would’ve bothered him, but he didn’t mind so much.

A few minutes pass, “So what’s that guy supposed to be doing? I need your commentary; you know.”

I just like hearing your voice, it calms me down.

“Well, that’s the Japanese lead skater, which means —”

[ahlnandco]

DAY 2: New Years Eve

Mondays, like most Mondays, ugh the dread, the horror, the struggle of another work week. But hey, isn't it new years on Tuesday! (winky face)

To be perfectly honest, the best route in life is minimalism. Why? You use what you need, you don't accumulate clutter, you save money, and you're FOCUSED. Whether you have a running bucket list, shopping list, any list really, the most important thing is to prioritize the list based on significance and urgency, and finish the top 5 things on that list before moving down the list. This way, you end up using your energy and focus wisely to finish things before dipping your foot and wasting energy and time on multiple things! Thus, by simplifying your goals and effectively completing tasks is a key force to being productive!

Another key thing, daily tasks, sometimes making a list is good as it outlines things that need to get done, but sometimes having a time line is equally important if not more. Something that I failed to understand on lists was to finish faster, be it finishing daily tasks a lot quicker to allow for boredom and leisure versus spreading out the work so you are constantly doing something at a slow and steady pace such that it fills out your day. The downside to the latter option is that by delaying the completion of tasks, does not allow for interruptions or things that arise out of left field, which sometimes you need that extra time to calmly solve issues versus being stressed and running around like a chicken with it's head cut off.

So for today, although going to bed around 2 am, I woke up at 545 am so I could make it to the gym for 615 am, then work for 745 am! Although, my workout routine consists of usually a 10 min run, 10 min jump rope session, 45 plus minutes of strength training with composite exercises, and ending with a 5 minute stretch, my goal this year is to regardless of my day I must go to the gym daily, whether it be a 10 minute workout or a 2 hour workout! Most importantly, my goal is to go as soon as the gym opens, such that it does not allow me to procrastinate, waste time at the gym, and frees up my evening for other activities and goals!

Then after work today that let me meet up with my friend and her family for a new year's eve dry social for families!

It was fun, the event started at 4 pm, I arrived at 450pm just in time to fill my plate at the free buffet. The first half of the night was spent recalling love ones that have passed and never forgetting the people that impacted your life. The second half included games, like musical chairs and hot potatoes, for different age groups with prizes for the winners. Then, a live band played, dancing happened, and even more dance competitions and prizes were up for grabs. In which, my motto is "if it is free, then it's for me". It was sweet overall, I even learnt how to two step with my friends granny, I personally love to dance, it's a great work out and it is fun, but for some reason there are few and far between people that like the same music I do, or have the stamina to dance with me on the dance floor, but my friend's granny was sweet to slow dance with me. But the goal was to win a prize lol. Didn't win, and I wasn't too worried. As I sat there though, a slow song playing, my friend with her family and nieces and nephews, it made me think how excited I am to have a family of my own someday, but being single and in my mid 20s, a person who loves kids and a parents dream for an in law (lmao), I honestly don't see it happening. Then I recalled all the sad new years eve spent, and assume how this is "I suppose" how another terrible new years eve will be spent, but I was pleasantly disappointed as I truly had one of the best new years eve in years. As I got to play with my friends kid, and nieces and nephew, my heart swoon for kids, as I got to dance with my friends grandma, it made me remember my own, and as I got up played the interactive games for prizes throughout the night, getting free snacks and food, and even winning prizes, this truly was one amazing and fun new year's eve.

I think unlike previous years and being out of phase with my family, when I was younger we would have dinner parties over at my aunts, but being the youngest, year after year the kids would get dropped off at home whilst the adults went and celebrated new years eve at the casino with food drinks and a show. As I recall one year vividly, my sister and I were so disappointed that we were left behind that year, So she made me a promise, t she promised that she would never leave me alone on new years eve, yet load and behold after turning 18, she left me behind where I would spend the count down literally alone. Next up, I'm 18, yes finally it is my turn to join the adults and celebrate, but literally a few days after turning 18, my sister goes and has a baby, and given that my sister and my nephew could not go and celebrate new years at the casino, after my aunts dinner, no body would want to go and celebrate as my sister and nephew were the focus of that year! Then new years eve as an adult, I have had better new year celebration, as I would have game night with friends, as the fifth wheel of course, the best one was a potluck at my friend's with a group of friends, then last year all alone, so this year has definitely been an improvement!

But as I lay here, writing about my ups and downs with new years eve, I am overjoyed at truly the amazing friends that I have made out here, and how warm and welcoming their family are to me, and I am blessed to have met and been surrounded by great people. Today marks a truly great New Years Eve.

[pbandjesse]

I don't want to do my post I am so tired. But I will do it because that is what I do. And I always feel better afterwards. Today was great and I really want to tell you all about it.

Last night was really hard. I was in a lot of pain and I didn't know how to deal with it and so I was kind of lashing out at James a bit and was just very upset. We talked it out and everything's fine and we had a great day together I was just in a lot of pain and was very sad. And we had to call 911 at one point because someone was upstairs just absolutely screaming for like an hour. It was really scary sounding. And I hate calling 911. It stresses me out.

I felt weird when we woke up but we got out of bed and got dressed and left here early. We biked down to the harbor and then over to the medical center. I checked in but apparently I had done something wrong on the questionnaire. The question was did it happen on someone else's property and I said yes. Apparently that through the system off somehow. But it was fine we went we waited and soon enough they were taking us back.

I'm glad I had James there to kind of keep me honest. Customer service Jesse tends to come out when I'm in these types of situations and I down play stuff. So having him there helped curbed that a bit. I did not like seeing how much I weigh. That always makes me upset. But it's fine. I'm still working on losing weight because I want to be healthy again but numbers always upset me. But it's okay.

When I showed the nurse my bruise she was legit silent for 10 seconds. She was in the middle of a sentence when I pulled my skirt up to show her and she just stopped and stared. She was shocked. It was not what she was expecting. The doctor basically did the same thing when she came in. They were very surprised that I had continued to bike and hadn't taken any time off work. But they understood my reasoning. And they understood that I just kept feeling like it was just a bruise. And honestly the doctor was very concerned about my elbow to especially because I was having trouble bending and it was hurting really bad last night and today. It's not so bad anymore. Most of the pain has subsided. But I think that's because they put me on pain medication. I'm taking two different things. And I don't hurt at all so that's nice. And Keith were hurting really bad today to from stress and pressure in the air. And all that pain is gone. Very good pain medication.

Basically the doctor said to ice it and then put heat on it. Couple times a day if I can. Elevating it and epsom salt baths as much as possible. She also said that I might need to get some physical therapy if I lose strength in it but because I'm still biking and working on yoga and things she doesn't think that will be too much of an issue. She gave me a sheet that says what I should look out for and basically told me it was a really bad deep tissue wound but I'll be okay. They did some Wound Care on my elbow and wrapped it. And then sent me to the pharmacy to get my prescriptions.

The wrap they put on my arm made it so I couldn't do much and it was a bit of a mess. And then I just kind of fell out of it. But we got everything and then we went to IHOP.

James was very focused on this call back from the job. I really hope they get back to him soon because he really needs those. Just emotionally it would be so good for him. But we have a nice breakfast. And then we biked back to my apartment.

I cleaned up a little bit and he carried the box of toys for the kids. But it was very hot outside and the wrap they put on my arm was hurting me really bad. So we stopped and took it off of me. But I was still in pain so we took off the under bandages well once we got to the bus stop. I really really appreciate all of James help today. He really makes me feel cared about even when I'm having trouble accepting that.

But we got the bus and headed to school. And it was really fun having him there. We got in the building and went to my storage closet. I showed him some stuff but we spent the first 45 minutes organizing. I told James what he could clean and what he could sort through. I'm made labels and swept and dealt with trash. We cleaned off the boards and put things away. It was really good. We were very very accomplished and it was really nice having him there. Chelsea came and was laughing about how we did her job for her. And then we went for a walk. I introduced him to a couple people and we sat and Marcus is classroom for a bit with some of the other teachers. Hung out and I showed James off to all of the people in the school. Everyone thought he was so handsome and kind and funny. Because he is and it's true.

We went downstairs to get the kids and they are so excited to meet him. Darielle screeched. And there was very many handshakes. It was so funny all the adults wanted to hug him and all of the kids wanted to shake his hand. The kids were getting their report cards today so we had to wait for a couple of them but they were getting really antsy so I had James take them upstairs. They were very excited to be able to ask him questions and interrogate him about stuff and threaten him. But they were very excited to take him upstairs.

I came up a few minutes later and we told them what the plan was for the day. Formally introduce them to James. I told them what happened at the doctors. And ask them where they wanted to have their party and they voted to have it inside. But they also wanted to still have recess. So then we went outside for recess.

Recess was really good but they locked the basketball court again so I couldn't show off my skating skills to James as much as I wanted but that's okay. We skated up and down the sidewalk for a bit. But mostly James stayed inside playing basketball with the little kids. I went and checked on him a few times and he just looks so cute with all the kids being so much smaller than him.

I was finally able to connect with my dad on the phone. But he upset me because he wanted to go and upgrade my phone without me ever seeing what phone he's upgrading to. But I've only had my phone since January so I don't even want an upgrade. And I've been saying for like a month now what phone I do want when I do get an upgrade in a year or so. And I was very distressed and overheated. And I'm dealing with a lot with how much pain I'm in a my injury and moving and all the stuff and I didn't need to be told that all of a sudden I was going to need to get another phone. I don't want another phone. I just got this phone. And he didn't understand why I was being difficult when he was doing something nice. But it didn't feel like something nice it felt like something controlling. Just because you can get a free phone from a BOGO sale. But we still have to buy the phone. Upgrades are not free. You still pay for the phone. And I'm trying to explain this to him and I'm like why are you involving me in this we can just add you on the lines for our family plan. But he was obsessed with this free phone. Just let Mom handle this she has been doing it for over a decade and she's good at it. She gets us discounts she make sure everything is the way it's supposed to be. There's no reason for him to take over on this thing that he does not understand. And it was very upsetting and distressing to be almost crying in front of my students for no reason. But we Change the topic and he's going to come visit for Father's Day.

And I am really glad to see him I want him to come here and hang out with me. But I don't like when he does things like that. It's very upsetting to be told I'm being ungrateful when it's something I didn't even ask for. I have enough money now that I could pay for my own phone plan and I appreciate that they keep me on the family plan but still. It's not a necessity and when you hold something that you are doing as a kindness over someone else That makes me not want to ever take any help. And it's something I'm working on right now because I have a lot of toxic Behavior about doing things on my own. And not accepting help from other people. So to have that thrown in my face really hurts.

We took the kids back inside though. And we went right back to our classroom to have our pizza party. I was in charge of handing out pizza. James did drinks. And Chelsea kind of directed traffic. It was a really fun day. We had chips and cupcakes. We had ice cream. The kids got to go to the art store. It was really nice. I gave them all the gifts that I had bought with their comic book money. I got lots of hugs. There was music and dancing. I made a couple more glitter jars with a couple of the girls that weren't here yesterday and then we use the leftover soda bottles to make two big glitter jars. It was a lot of fun. I love having James there in the classroom with me. The kids really liked him too and that was nice. And we used a couple of constellation rules like most quiet table gets to come get food first. And that was really really nice. And Chelsea like him too so that was cool.

We finished up the day with very many hugs. I told everyone they had to give me a hug before they left and they all complied mostly. Ahmad let me hug him but he wouldn't hug me. It's okay. Damon and some of the girls were just holding on to me and didn't want to let go. China was a very sweet one because she hug me and just kind of said to me that she was really going to miss having me as her teacher. And it was very very sweet and soft. Something that doesn't always come through with her. But I can tell she's trying. And that's all that matters.

We cleaned up the room and then I took the final few kids and James up to the cafeteria. Dallas and de'arra asked if they could have boxes to carry the rest of their art until they ran to go get those and soon enough it was time to go. Everyone agreed to meet at karaoke later. And then me and James went to get the bus.

I was in a very good mood when we laughed and we waited and it was too hot but I really enjoyed being with him and I just felt happy. We got back home and I took a shower and got cleaned up. James changed his shirt and around 7 we left to walk to the hotel. Took way less time than we thought it would though.

We got there about 7:05. And no one was there yet. So we went across the street to the park and watched a little bit of the concert that was happening. Mostly just enjoy each other's company. James was very stressed about the whole job thing so I was just trying to comfort him. He said he felt selfish but I like being able to be there for each other. I like that we have that given taken it's not one-sided. But then as we're sitting there we see Tiffany so we head back over to the hotel.

We get in there in the rooms are very small but it ended up being really fun. That's the other thing that was happening was trivia. I did one song with Linnea. A Tom Lehrer song called the masochism Tango. They were all very confused by it. But it was very fun and very silly. I kind of wish I did poisoning pigeons in the park instead but that's all right. But the trivia was what excited James.

Once other people from the school started showing up we were able to get three teams and it was groups of 2. And me and James is team was called Team Rocket. And we ended up winning. James is very good at trivia. Obviously. And I was a little annoyed with myself because I got one wrong that I should have gotten right and mostly he knew the answer is not me. But it was really fun being able to do it together. The music one was the hardest one and neither of us knew like any of the songs so that was frustrating. But the rest of it was really fun and good and I'm really glad we got to do it. And at the end we want a $50 gift card for the fancy restaurant at the top of the hotel. So we're going to get to go on a date together. I'm very excited. And James is only a little tipsy and I like Tipsy James. He's very cute and affectionate.

I went back to the karaoke room to say goodbye. Show Marshall, my boss, my crazy leg bruise and told him what happened. He cursed out loud when I showed him. He was very surprised. And then we all sing one more song. As a group. I just wanted to see Chelsea sing something and then we say goodbye. Chelsea gave me a big hug and told me to keep her updated on my leg. But I'll see her tomorrow. It's fun day for the little kids and we're all helping out in the morning. I'm really glad Chelsea is my co-teacher. I love working with her. But she's also just a really good person and I think we're becoming friends more than just co-workers.

Me and James walked back to my apartment. He took the cheese out of my fridge that he can make dinner and we said goodbye.

I cooked pasta salad for lunch tomorrow and had a couple cookies. I cleaned up and try to play with this expandable rod thing I got. And accidentally cut my hand open. Which is almost worse than when I first open the package earlier and it exploded in my face and almost killed me. Not my best purchase. Very sharp. But I cleaned up and now I'm in bed. Today's been wonderful. I feel confident about my leg and it was a really good school year. And I'm looking forward to a quiet week. Just some BMI days and moving stuff and a good time. I hope you all have a great night. Sleep well everybody. Be safe out there. Until next time.