#I don't need to be told I'm feeling feelings wrong.

[alarajrogers]

But that is the reason -- it's just cultural rather than the actual truth.

In society, random people feel entitled to tell a man who is an abuse victim that aktually, women are afraid of being abused... because culturally, societally, it never occurs to anyone that men can be abused or that women can be abusers.

So we don't have a song about a man burning his ex's house down because everyone would interpret that the same way we interpret Blue October's "The End", which is about a man murdering his ex and her new boyfriend, then killing himself. "The End" has no hint or inclination that the woman was abusive, just that she left the main character, and from the fact that he murders her for sleeping with another man after she left him, we can see why! Same deal in "The Regulator" by Clutch, where a man returns after a year away to find his wife has taken up with another man, and he decides to kill her. We know nothing of the circumstances. Maybe she was told he was dead, maybe she has to sleep with the new guy to keep from losing the house, but all the main character cares about is, she's sleeping with another man, so he has to kill her.

To write a song where a woman does a man wrong, seriously wrong, and instead of just crying about it, he does something, and we all perceive him to be justified... we'd be pushing against a very heavy cultural headwind. Most "my ex did me wrong so I want revenge" stories from male POV in music are "my ex slept with someone else so I want her dead." And most people, obviously, do not view that with the same "Yeah! Do it!" fervor that we would a song about a woman who sets an abusive husband's house on fire.

The song would have to be very, very clear that the woman is a shithead, that she is abusing the guy, and that his revenge is not murder, but something that hurts her without invoking the spectre of male violence. And people would probably still misunderstand it.

A song about something like "you told me I was worthless and would never amount to anything, but now that I'm free of you, I'm successful and I'm happy and so that email you sent me about can we get back together? Hell no, go crawl back in your hole" would probably do the trick. Or "my new girlfriend is hotter than you, my new girlfriend is smarter than you, my new girlfriend is kinder than you, and she didn't want me to tell you so because she's nicer than you -- but I'm not, so here are the facts". You gotta establish incontrovertibly that this isn't a guy whining about his girlfriend left him, this is a guy whose girlfriend hurt him, was bad for him, abused him, and he's celebrating that he's free of her.

I'd love to see it, though. There is not nearly enough cultural understanding that it's even possible for women to abuse men, and we need to fix that.

men deserve more breakup anthems. I know and respect the societal reasons this genre is dominated by women, but where is my guy version of Miranda Lambert singing about burning your abusive ex's house down, metaphorically, for legal reasons

[cjlouwho]

Twelve Christmases

*no special chapter tags*

read below or on ao3

Day 9: 2020

When Tommy walked into his house he immediately knew something was wrong.

Mostly due to the large quantity of boxes near the front door. Last time he checked, he wasn't moving.

He dropped his duffel and continued into the living room, where the sound of Africa by Toto echoed through the house.

“Whatcha doing, Joe?” Tommy asked, causing the man closing up a box on the floor to jump.

He stared at Tommy, wide eyed. “Alexa, turn off!” The music shut off quickly, leaving the two of them in uncomfortable silence. “I- I didn't think you'd be home for another hour.”

“It was weirdly quiet today so they let me leave a little early.” Tommy crossed his arms over his chest. “What are you doing, Joe?”

“Tommy, I... It's not you, okay, it's-”

Tommy snorted, shaking his head. “You were, what, gonna leave without even telling me? Have me come home to an empty house and you're just gone?”

Joe sighed, stepping closer to Tommy. As he did, Tommy took a step back. “Tommy, it's- we rushed into this. We both know that. It was fun, for a while, but it's... I don't know, it's not the same.”

“I didn't even know anything was wrong, Joey!” Tommy exclaimed. He reached out and flipped the top of an open box. “You weren't gonna at least try to explain yourself first?”

“I really didn't expect you to be surprised!” Joe replied, his voice rising now as well. “We barely see each other, Tommy! We both have weird schedules, rarely eat a meal together, and half the time I wake up you're asleep in the guest bedroom!”

“Because I don't want to wake you when I get home late! I was trying to let you sleep.”

“I'd rather sleep with my partner!”

Joe breathed in slowly, then held his hands up in surrender. “Tommy, I- you only asked me to move in because of covid-”

“No, I asked you to move in because I wanted to be with you and I was pretty sure you felt the same way.”

“I do, Tommy.”

Tommy scoffed, turning away and heading for the kitchen. Joe followed behind him.

“Hey, I do- did feel the same! But we'd only known each other for a few months, Tommy, and then covid happened and I agreed to move in because I wanted to get to see you but I didn't think it through. We didn't think it all through!”

Tommy opened the fridge, reaching in for a beer. He popped the lid and took a sip, then set it on the counter. He stayed quiet, staring down at the glass bottle.

“Aren't you gonna say anything?” Joe asked.

Tommy shrugged. “Not really sure what you want me to say, Joe, you didn't even want me to know you were leaving.”

Joe brought a hand to the back of his neck, trying to massage away the tension. “Listen, I- I want you to be happy, Tommy. I do care about you and I lo- I like you, but this has not been a relationship for a while. I was lying in bed the other night, alone, and I realized I don't know anything about you. You don't talk about your family, I've never met a single one of your friends or co-workers, I don't know anything about how you grew up or what you did before you became a firefighter.”

“I told you, I was a-”

“I know,” Joe interrupted. “A pilot in the army. That's all I ever got.” Joe moved around the counter to get closer to Tommy. Hesitantly, he reached out and put his hand over Tommy's forearm. “Tommy, you are a wonderful person,” his grip tightened when Tommy rolled his eyes and went to walk away. “No, I'm serious. You're a good listener, you're attentive, thoughtful, funny, and a bitch in the best way, but it's not. It's not what I need. And when you let yourself think about it, I'm not what you need either.”

With his free hand, Tommy fidgeted with his beer bottle. “Great day to choose to move out,” he grumbled.

“You don't even celebrate Christmas, Tommy,” Joe replied, his voice staying calm but firm. “Honestly didn't think you'd care about what particular day it was.”

Joe wasn't totally wrong, Tommy did make his hatred of Christmas well known. But what he didn't know was Tommy asked if he could leave a little early. He planned on making them a nice dinner, just like the one his mom used to make. He wanted to try and have a good Christmas for the first time in a long time. He'd even bought Joe a gift. Tucked into his pocket were reservations to a cabin in northern California. He planned on flying them there himself. They'd be going for Valentine's.

Tommy felt hot, and overwhelmed, and like the house was too small and too big all at once. His eyes were starting to get a little blurry and he desperately needed to get out of there.

“I'm gonna go for a walk,” he said, clearing his throat. He freed himself from Joe's grasp and wiped at his eyes, hurrying toward the door with his head down. “I'll be a couple hours, probably. I'll, um, I'll see ya, Joey.”

He managed to get out and shut the door behind him, part of him hoping that Joe would follow. Chase after him. Yell for him to come back, for them to talk, to fight, to figure this out.

But he didn't.

And Tommy walked.

He walked and walked and walked until the sun had set and all the streetlights came on.

Then he went back to a quiet house. A spare key on the kitchen counter as his only reminder that, for eight months, he wasn't here alone.

[v1rtualsalvat10n]

𓆩♡𓆪 for the first time

― luigi thinks of you in his cell. that's it that's the fic.

notes :: thank you for all the support to show my appreciation i would like to throw a rusty screwdriver into your hearts i love u guys!!

The thing they don't tell you about prison is that it's really cold.

No, seriously. It's really fucking cold, even here in NYC where it's already cold to begin with - it's like you're in the back of a deep freezer in a shitty jumpsuit, because you kind of are. It's cold enough that I have to curl up into a ball on my "bed", knees to my chest in order to try and stay warm.

And because I have nothing to do, I find myself staring at the white, emotionless wall, and doing that sort of thing is kind of a surefire way to get your mind to wander. One of the tried and true methods, if you will.

It's lonely here. Sure, the inmates like me, they're nice, but I mean... I'm not really in the mood to socialize with anyone. This whole ordeal has sucked the energy out of me. I've been being thrown around the country for days, ever since they found me.

I don't even want to think about what's happening outside of this place, either. I'm sure people have lots of thoughts and things to say about what I did.

I wonder if she saw it.

The news, I mean. Of course she saw it, who didn't? I bet her and all my old classmates and friends are probably talking about it, about me, what I'd done - right now. Trying to pick apart my motive, maybe grieving about the life I'd thrown away. Guess I had a lot ahead of me.

Can't help but wonder what she's thinking. I wonder if she's disappointed in me. Or maybe proud. Why am I thinking so much about what she thinks of me? It was one fling, from ages ago, I can't even remember when... at one of countless parties, and yet I still see how she looked underneath me so clearly.

It wasn't really just a fling. I talked to her about it - about how the system was falling apart (if it was ever together to begin with) and I felt the need to put all this privilege I'd been granted to good use. How I felt like I had to do something. She told me about herself, too, how she'd been fucked over time and time again and how she knew countless others who felt the same way.

Actually, yeah, we spent a lot of time together, thinking back on it. She'd come over on those cold winter nights I remember so fondly and we'd keep warm together, whatever way we could find. She was kind of... below me, I guess. Lower class. Not that I cared that much, though. Didn't make her any less of a lover.

And then I went radio silent. Then I figured out exactly what that thing I had to do was, and I put all my effort towards it. I didn't have time for love anymore. I had to take the chance I'd been given and fix things.

So I started leaving her on seen, stopped answering my door, even when she'd yell that she knew I was there, stopped showing up at the places I'd loved before, I stopped everything. Dropped off the map and left nothing but a ghost in my place.

She probably hates me.

I'd like to think that maybe this brings her solace... that maybe the idea that "it wasn't because you did something wrong" made her feel better, but I doubt it does.

When I get out of here, if I even do, she'll probably have forgotten all about me, because everybody forgets. I'll be old news by the time that day comes, and everything we did, everything we wanted to do - would just be a hazy memory.

I still remember seeing her for the first time. I remember the way her eyes pierced through my soul, and I remember how it made me feel inside.

I wonder if she remembers that too.

[nikalaeva]

Feyre's Imaginary freedom and Wrong way Evolution

It will be a long speech, get ready 😅

I remember how Feyrе dreaming that her sisters would get married and she would stay with father and paint. It's pathetic dream, actually, but considering Feyre spent most of her life in poverty, it's more or less valid, 'cause she just couldn't imagine anything more. And if you forget that SJM made Feyre a hunter 'cause it's "cool", then I understand why Feyre chose hunting. She had options other than marriage: learn her father's work, get a job in some workshop (sewing, weaving, pottery), or, at worst, become a thief. But Feyre chose hunting, probably, 'cause it gave her a sense of control over her life. More than other options could give.

This brings us to the topic - Feyre's need for freedom. For her, freedom equals power, and this is logical - no one decides what is best for her life and future, only she is. When I read ACOTAR, I didn't see this. SJM just wrote that Feyre hunts to feed her family. But if you keep in mind that everything Feyre does is motivated by a desperate need to control her life, then her actions doesn't seem so idiotic. You would understand that for Feyre enduring the company of her family seems to be worse than freezing to death in forest. You would feel that being imprisoned in UTM and isolated by Tamlin hit Feyre harder than trials or anything else. You would believe that this is a girl who would rather die free than live in chains.

This is a post about Feyre, so I won't write much about Rhysand. But if Feyre herself had said that sitting in a cage for her (I emphasize - for her, not for reader) was worse than dancing naked for Rhysand, It would be a little easier for me believe in ACOMAF. "A little" better than nothing.

But the need for freedom alone is not enough. Eventually, there has to be a limit where Feyre will think: "I guess I can endure a little bit of captivity 'cause I don't wanna die such stupidly." So, in my opinion, good option would be to give Feyre an adrenaline addiction. For example, if you're a fan of Doctor Who, you've probably asked yourself why the Doctor's companions, despite the fatal dangers of traveling, still return to him. From my own experience I can say this: I worked in an ambulance and afterwards it was hard for me get used to another job. I missed unpredictability and thrills. Maybe people who love extreme sports will also understand these feelings. So, if we add Feyre's need for freedom to her adrenaline addiction, it becomes easier to understand why she constantly gets into trouble. Even if she understands that she can get hurt or die, it doesn't stop her 'cause of these weird, kinky sensations. Moreover, having become a fairy with magical abilities, Feyre could afford to take even more risks. By the way, adrenaline intensifies all the senses, while fairy wine depresses. Feyre could seek danger just to forget how wine made her helpless.

Or SJM could have written that all fairies have a strong need for cruelty, cheating or lying (she made them capable of lying - use it! 😡). That would explain why Illyrians constantly train, why in the CoN most (but not all, that's bullshit) fairies are assholes, why civilized fairies actively use sex and drink - these are substitutes so as not to harm others. Hell, it would explain Tamlin's outbursts of rage - he was fighting his nature but not drinking or fucking like crazy. And EVEN Rhysand's behavior - Amaranta turned him into a junkie, getting him high on violence and cruelty. So Rhysand knew he was tormenting Feyre, but the 50-year addiction was too strong. And not the crap that he (or rather the author) told me in ACOMAF.

Sorry, I'm got off topic. So now Feyre's story with the changes you read above is a tragedy. She's trapped in Velaris with IC, with Rhysand. In ACOSF, she's literally trapped in a magical bubble. It's sad and disgusting. But even that could be fixed if Feyre had healed in the ACOMAF and ACOWAR and decided that she wanted a quiet life, not dangers and adventures. The sisters' transformation into fairies and war with Hybern could have changed her like that.

If SJM had written that Rhysand actually gave her freedom, unlike Tamlin, and helped her understand that freedom ≠ throwing herself into danger, then I would have believed that he loved and cared for Feyre. He could helped her love the feeling of safety and peace. Feyre could understand how to get along with her sisters through Rhysand's relationships with Cassian and Azriel. And she could helped him overcome the addiction for violence that Amarantha had forced upon him. In that case, sex literally would be a cure, not just "spice."

But none of that was in the books. Other characters change at the snap of SJM's fingers too, but I'm talking about Feyre 'cause we spend three books in her head. She doing what the plot demands with such poor explanations that reader's brain explodes, trying understand her.

I don't hate Feyre. I hate that SJM has turned her character and story into hopeless trash. And the fans, whose brains have obviously melted from this shit, convince me that everything is okay.

[heartcircus]

I love Mapicc and Derap’s bickering and mutual disdain, but god I wish there was someone in Mapicc’s corner who could like. Help give Zam a bit of perspective on how Derap is bending the narrative and painting Mapicc in a negative light to push Zam into choosing him bc Zam has to be the one defending Mapicc in every conversation and the more they have the more it feels like Zam’s resolve is shifting. The fact that Derap is kind of unchallenged here is like. Miserable. I don’t hate Derap but I do want things to fall apart for him bc he is just making this so much worse and Zam needs to talk to someone else. I hope Pangi tells him Derap invited him. I hope Mapicc stalks one of their conversations and gets the chance to defend himself. Planet saying Mapicc was Zam’s bestie and Zam getting choked up and just repeating “yeah” was like. Such a good moment. Reminding Zam of what they were. Can we get another girltalk if we’re doing season 4 i think we should bring back girltalk (this probably will not help). Can someone defend my dog I don’t care if he’s in the wrong I just want someone to make it clear he’s not the only one in the wrong

yeah, i definitely agree, mapicc does need someone in his corner and it's unfortunate that there's really just . no one . i don't know whether or not it's intentional that derap is pushing for zam to choose him over mapicc, in my opinion it could go either way, but i don't think he's going to like the answer he'll inevitably end up getting (that it's mapicc. it's always mapicc.).

i'm also in the same boat as you towards atlas lmao i like them, i find them cute, but i definitely think they're due for some confrontation/contestation over how derap talks to zam. even aside from mapicc, he tells zam a bunch of half-truths despite constantly reiterating that he Never lies to zam. like, the whole 'pangi found zaun on his own' thing was so weird because i don't really think zam would've been all that mad if derap just told him he showed pangi the place ? it's just a bunch of little things like that which will eventually add up over time

i'm a big devotioner, i love those guys, and as much as i love seeing them at odds with one another this time it's just so painful. it's something about seeing them both Refuse to fight one another and making that rather clear but still being unable to work together. they're just stuck at this god-awful crossroads and i can't wait for their time to come back around, whatever that means, just as long as they're together again.

[jak--ash]

I really want to discuss the way that "its always sunny in philadelphia" and "what we do in the shadows" compare. both being fx comedies, where the characters allegedly never change and there's a very prominent gay ship written into the show without it ever going canon.

In my opinion iasip does it better, because a). the characters evolve instead of learning, and b). the creative team at large supports the fans shipping the characters. In a way it feels like the writers of iasip are also writing fan fiction about macdennis at times.

Don't get me wrong, I understand the limitations of wwdits. iasip is nearly 3x longer, the main actors are also behind the scenes, and the wwdits plot is about immortal beings who dont need to change at all. But I think my biggest gripe with wwdits, espeically its finale, is they had so many plot lines they set up, questions and quests the characters had, and then totally dropped the ball and literally told the fans "make up your own ending, we're all just done now." But I think Always Sunny has done a better job creating/ending/keeping open plot lines, while still being a nonsensical show.

anyway I'm just spitballin lmk ur thoughts

[roryacker]

WereGhost part 4

writing is under the cut as usual <3 couldn't force the art out, for some reason my brain won't let art on my phone happen, I've been trying for days it just ain't workin, and I have gifts to finish working on so PC is a no-go. Still! Writing!!

I do oddly feel more confident about posting things if there's art with it? Like I faked myself out trying to post this one 3 times and kept adding more thanks to that because I was like "wait no not good :("

Maybe because art's like. My thing. But screw it, if I'm getting over my anxiety I'm hitting all the weird triggers, it's a silly werewolf AU I don't think people care if one part has art or not

Simon doesn't like how Johnny smells. He was fine before, but since that morning the older man left with him in such a hurry he's smelled different. To a normal person that wouldn't matter, but werewolves aren't exactly normal folk, and smell is a very important part of their routine, Simon's especially.

Simon was familiar with Johnny's scent before- warm and herbal, a comfortable smell that Simon wasn't afraid to admit was soothing. It's probably part of why he's stuck around. Since he got back, since the anxiety and stress faded out, he's smelled different. It changed. It was faint, but there- something odd and flowery. Simon knew he didn't like it, but he wasn't entirely sure why. Maybe it's the fact it changed at all, maybe it's what it might signals, to hell if Simon knows.

Johnny, from there, starts going out more often, for longer, starting at earlier times, and the scent only gets stronger. It mixes with his original one, shifting and changing, and Simon hates it.

He especially hates it when Johnny comes home in the middle of the day, just once, and immediately gets to shoving Simon under the bed, blankets and all, muttering out something about not being prepared and needing Simon to sit still and be quiet for a while- Simon growls and snaps at his feet, though his teeth never connect, but begrudgingly does as told, ignoring the way his heart thuds in his chest and ears flatten to his skull. After a bit, cleaning up and trying to make the place look nice, it seems, sweeping fur off of the bed and floor, Johnny leaves, and Simon is left alone, confused and quite frankly tired, watching the door shut from the little space under the blanket hanging off the bed.

By the time a few minutes pass, he hears the front door open, and another voice starts up. It's not the older man, it's not Johnny, it's new and unfamiliar, soft and feminine, and Simon can feel the fur on his neck raise at the sound. Oddly, he feels threatened. He doesn't like the new voice, doesn't like the scent that follows, doesn't like how it's the scent that's been drowning out Johnny's for weeks now. But he sits there, tense and uncomfortable, listening to them talk in the sitting room. He doesn't like it, but he does it, if only so Johnny doesn't change his mind about all of this and kick Simon out after all.

It lasts for a few hours, Simon unable to fall back asleep, until he hears the door open and shut again. He thinks Johnny might have left too, but no- footsteps come up to the door, and he steps inside the bedroom, crouching down with a sigh.

"Think she likes me, Ghost. Might be the one, aye? Just have to see what to do about you, then..."

His heart sinks at the words, but doesn't reply- just growls lowly and shifts his weight, curling up further to avoid looking at the man.

"Aye, I know. Yer feelin' grumpy. Sorry."

Johnny tries to drag him out from under the bed, gripping the blankets tight, but Simon fights, of course. He can't go one day without being stubborn, especially not when he feels so personally wronged.

"Jesus, fine. Stay under there. Don't make a mess."

It continued on like that for a few days. Long, uncomfortable, grueling days, where Simon slowly began to set up a little den under the bed. It was nice and dark, so at that point it was really just instinct drawing him into it, pushing and arranging the blankets into a cozy little spot for himself. Eventually he manages to fall asleep even when Johnny has his bird over, as much as he might not like it- Johnny slides a plate of food under the bed to try and keep him from getting snappy, not that it ever works, and it becomes another routine.

Simon as tired of it the moment it began, but he tolerates it anyways, just to avoid being thrown out. His leg's mostly healed, and he knows he needs to leave, get out into the forest again, get back to his normal life.

But he doesn't want to.

He gets cooked food, he gets the warmth and comfort of soft blankets that smell pleasant- they're the only thing that don't have that new scent on them, at this point- he gets to sleep in peace without having to worry about wolfhounds scenting him out or humans coming across him, doesn't have to worry about any other predators trying to get a meal out of him, there's no hiding, there's no running, no wasted energy... but he can tell Johnny knows he's healing. He leaves the bandages on longer and comments on the progress he's made, and at this point Simon knows that if he doesn't leave on his own Johnny might just toss him out anyways.

The thought makes him uncomfortably bitter, a sour feeling that wells up in his chest and leaves him feeling nothing short of sick.

He tolerates it all for a few more days, making the most of it, and then watches intently as Johnny leaves, one morning slipping out from under the bed to watch him from the doorway as he leaves, locking the front door behind him. He loafs around for an hour or so, then shifts, standing on unsteady legs and adjusting to the feeling of being human for a bit- as close as he can get, anyways. Simon finds himself staring at a window for a long while, facing the woods.

With a sigh, he steps closer and pushes it open, and crawls out, shutting the window behind him and shifting back so he can break off into a run. He regrets it the moment he's outside, the air frigid and uncomfortable against his fur, feeling like needles against his skin, but he doesn't have much of a choice at this point. He does it himself or Johnny will do it for him, maybe throw him outside in his sleep or something. He's careful not to leave any prints, stepping lightly and never lingering in one spot too long. The beartrap that got him into this mess serves as a marker, telling him where to go, and from there it's just a matter of following old paths, and by the time night starts to fall he's found it again. His scent has faded from months of inactivity, but it's his territory all the same.

Suddenly it doesn't feel like home at all, but he reasons that it won't be come a few weeks, anyways, when the wolfhunts start again the second the town's dogs start to catch his scent, and he'll have to leave all over again. He curls up in a familiar hollow, surrounded on all sides but one so he can't be reached or found quite as easily, and falls asleep with the lingering thoughts of fleeting warmth and soft fabrics on his mind.

[sunnyie-eve]

49 | Type

Series: Unexpected

Paring: (Matt Sturniolo x OFC Brock!) (Chris Sturniolo x OFC Brock!)

Word Count: 1.1k

Warnings: Matt jelly

| MASTERLIST |

Today Dani was having a guest on her channel that wasn't any of the boys. Honestly, Matt didn't like who her guest was because he knew how some of her fans were. They shipped her with almost every dude she talked to and knew.

"Did it have to be him?" Matt watches Dani play on her phone as they hung out in her room.

"Do you prefer your brother? You know, the one that everyone at the moment says we would've been a cute couple?" She looks up from her phone to look at him.

"That's stupid because you told him he missed his chance." Matt rolls onto his back, "So they need to stop staying they want it to happen." He adds then says in a mocking tone while making a face, "They would be such a good match for each other. Why can't she just agree to be his?"

"If they only knew I was yours." Dani leans over smiling before giving him a kiss.

"That's the only damn reason I want people to know." He sits up, "You're mine. Not his or anyone else." Dani giggles as he pulls her closer so he can hold her, "If guys wanted to they could try making a move on you because to them you're single."

"They could try but my answer would always be the same. No." She grabs his face to kiss him, "Now, stop pouting about me filming with Carrington." She moves away from him.

When he arrives they get into her car parked in front of the house, "Hi." Dani starts her car video, "I'm sure y'all know Carrington." She adds, "He's my first guest that's not my roommates or brother." She says as he smiles.

"I'm very honored."

"And this is only happening because Jake and Tara talked us into this. This is our first time hanging out alone." She laughs.

"That's why I'm nervous. It's new and I'm never like this." He laughs now, "But it's exciting."

Dani agrees nodding her head going for her phone but she didn't have it with her, "Oh, I forgot something inside." She motions towards the house.

"It's okay." He lets her know.

"I'll be quick." She opens the car door.

"Again, it's okay." He chuckles as she rushes inside. "Yeah, so we're doing this because our friends wanted us to." He starts to talk to the camera by himself, "We said okay. Okay guys. But today... We're here to gossip. What a great way to get to know each other. From what I see and know Dani seems amazing."

"Was I quick?" Dani rejoins Carrington in the car.

"Yeah, I've just been ranting to the viewers." He lets her know.

"Again, I'm sorry. I don't know how I forgot my phone inside."

"It didn't bug me." He says before changing the topic, "You know people said you have a type? Have you seen that?" He asks her.

"What?" She was confused never seeing such a thing.

"Yeah like..."

"How?" She laughs.

"Because when we had that group get together last week at Jake's. We were chatting in the background of a video Jake posted so people say you have a type." He explains to her then sees one on the guys leaving, "Oh look, a triplet is leaving."

"Matt." She waves at him so he waves back.

"But because we talked people think your type is brunettes with blue eyes." Carrington goes back to what they were talking about, "I feel like that is such a reach." He laughs, "Just because you're close to three others that fit that. What do you think?" He asks her.

"Actually, they aren't wrong for once." She giggles.

"So that's actually your type when it comes to looks? Is it the eyes that do it for you?" He gives her a look and she smiles since that was the main thing.

"Some blue eyes are just so beautiful." She tells him, "You, the triplets, Colby's and Sam's. I have dark blue but light ones..." She smiles more as Carrington looks at her.

"I love yours." He lets her know.

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's a deep blue." He nods his head.

"But yeah, my ex and everyone I've even had a crush on had light blue eyes." She tells him.

"Now people are gonna assume." He gives her a look and she nods her head rolling her eyes a bit.

"You and the other two."

"Just because someone fits that look doesn't automatically mean you like them. You can find them attractive but you aren't attracted to their personality." He goes on to add what he believes in.

"You completely get it. You and the triplets are good looking but I don't automatically have feelings for y'all."

"That would be odd." He laughs, "It's... Can you imagine just having feelings for someone based on how they look?"

"Good looking but is the biggest red flag." She adds.

"Like it's fine to be attracted to someone but you can't just go off of that. Don't do that guys." Carrington looks right into the camera, "Be smart."

"Be attracted to their personality." Dani does the same, "That's way better than looks."

"Looks are a bonus, guys, trust me." Carrington tells the viewers.

"Personality, looks." Dani makes a top three list, "What's third?" She asks him.

"I don't know." He thinks, "I don't know, you gotta be funny as well." He starts to laugh.

After about another like 20 minutes they finish up then he leaves while Dani goes back inside. Matt was still out and about so Dani got to rest by getting some time alone. With it being quiet Dani decided to take a nap because she woke up at 5:30am for some reason. 

When Matt gets back home, after buying stuff for around the house and food, he goes to Dani's room to see her sleeping. Not having anything to do and bored out of his mind he slides into her bed next to her.

Immediately, his arms slip around her from behind, slotting himself right up against her back. The gentle press of her spine against his chest makes him smile to himself because he can never get enough of how fucking perfectly she fit there. Leaning forward he press his mouth to the soft skin of her shoulder, peppering a few soft kisses there.

Dani hums keeping her eyes shut, "What?" She quietly mumbles still super tired.

"I wanna nap too." He whispers to her as he nudges his nose against the side of her neck. Dani hums in response moving her hand to rest over the one Matt has pressed against her stomach.

Matt grins against her skin. "Love you." His breath warm against her neck. He made sure not to say I this time because he didn't want to scare her again like last time.

Both of them succumb to the comfort of being with one another, "I love you too." She whispers so quietly Matt almost didn't hear her. He stays silent with a smile across his face as his fingers intertwine with hers before allowing himself to fall asleep as well.

[dylannsboy]

I was designed to kill not to be loved maybe it's different in another universe I wish I wasn't the bad person and I always fuck things up nothing I do is enough I give my all for ppl but they're never satisfied it's like I'm too much but at the same time not enough no one ever focuses on my accomplishments only my mistakes and things I do wrong. I wish I wasn't some stupid loser that is going to end up alone Im already planning my death so if you guys ever see a post saying goodbye and if I don't post or text back in a month I'm dead I made a promise to myself at 13 that id be dead before 18 and I'm keeping that promise this life isn't worth living. It's been filled with nothing but hatred anger sadness and nothing good. I try to find a way to stay but it's getting too hard I've been suffering all my life I don't even remember the time I was truly happy even in elementary I was lonely and always sad BCS of the bullying I received. My parents have never told me they're proud of me so I feel like I can't accomplish anything BCS I'll never be noticed Im never noticed anyways Ive never heard my mum have love in her voice when talking to me but I've heard her have love in her voice when talking to other children/people. What's wrong with me why am I not good enough. No matter how I try it's never good enough so I'm just tired of fighting I just want love and to feel needed so this is I guess a vent and a prewarning of my su!c!de.

[lesaurita]

♡︎ Denki Kaminari as your boyfriend ♡︎

Pairing: fem!reader x Denki Kaminari

Genre: fluff, suggestive

Warnings: suggestive content, pervert!Denki

•° yours is not just a relationship, you two are best friends. In fact before Denki revealed what he truly felt for you, you two had known each other since you were little and you have been inseparable ever since.

•° not a second goes by when you are together that he isn't snuggling with you. He loves cuddles and would give anything to be close to you all the time. It's impossible to escape from his grip when his arms are wrapped around your body.

•° It isn't new that Denki is insecure about himself, and this also applies to your relationship. His mind often wanders and thinks that you could replace him with one of his friends, after all they all have qualities that he doesn't have.

"Denki, what's wrong? Why are you sulking?" You ask him, placing both hands on his cheeks.

He tries to avoid your gaze, but you do not give up and continue to insist.

"Come on, I know something is wrong." You run a hand through his soft hair and you can hear a sigh coming from him.

"Are you sure I'm good enough for you ?" It's not the first time he's surprised you with this question.

"Denki, of course you are. How could I do without your 10 year old humor?" You hear a light laugh coming from his throat and he feels less tense under the touch of your hands.

•° you have movie nights, where it's just you and him, a nice warm blanket hugging you and a good movie on tv. Most of the time you never get to see how the movie ends, one kiss leads to another, and suddenly the night has turned into an R-rated movie itself.

•° he loves it when you wear his clothes. He's not very fit so they actually fit you well, but just the sight of you walking around the house in his clothes warms his heart and makes him want to hug you and never let you go.

•° play video games together, or when you don't feel like it, you just sit there near him and watch him while he's trying to make a good impression on you. You've always found it funny and adorable how he sticks his tongue between his teeth while he's focused on playing

•° the word 'pervert ' describes Denki perfectly. No matter what you do he'll always find a double meaning. It doesn't take much to turn him on.

You and your boyfriend were about to go out, but you accidentally dropped your house keys right before you left.

You bend forward to pick them up, not paying attention to the skirt that rises slightly, revealing your panties and a bit of your ass.

When you stand up you start to walk out the door, but notice that Denki isn't following you.

"Are you okay?" you ask him.

He swallows loudly and you notice a slight blush on his cheeks. His gaze is all over your body, but he never deigns to rest it on your eyes.

"Denki-" and then the realization hits you.

This time it's your turn to let your eyes travel over his body, specifically a little lower. And it doesn't take a genius to notice the bulge in his pants.

"Baby, it's not my fault, you know you're not supposed to bend down in front of me when you're wearing skirts." he whines like a baby.

•° since he's learned to play the electric guitar by now, he doesn't need to be told twice when you ask him if he can play you something.

•° since you've been with him your phone never runs out of battery. He always keeps your battery charged at all times, you never know if something might happen and you might need it.

[dotthings]

The Sam v Dean drama in Torn and Frayed -- Dean apologies for the fake text, Sam has yet to apologize for how he's behaved about Benny, and while I understand Sam and his insecurities and why he's being a controlling little brother with a 'tude...Dean is much more able to admit when he's wrong. And Sam has yet to give a solid reason why it's so impossible for him to give Benny any benefit of the doubt at all, while Dean is telling the whole truth about Benny and his innocence, as Sam just keeps brick walling Dean about it.

When Sam is being honest and communicating effectively is when he tells Dean exactly why the fake text from Amelia was so upsetting to him and it's because of the fear of losing people they love and something that Sam knows Dean has a fear of as well, so for Dean to do that to Sam, Sam felt that was too much. Which is fair. Note that this is the reason--the fear of losing loved ones, which is very real for both brothers.

Amelia insists Sam give up his other life entirely--without her knowing anything about it. And I think that's what doomed it. Note by contrast, Lisa offered Dean an inbetween, she dismissed the absolute, the either/or. They can make their own rules. Dean and Lisa did make that work for a time and had a better chance therefore than Sam and Amelia because there was no in between or compromise offered.

Sam on his part could also have told Amelia the truth about his life and given her a chance to respond and decide if she wanted to give it a try. But I think how Amelia spoke about Sam having to be all in or all out signaled to Sam that Amelia wouldn't have handled the truth well. I don't think he was guessing wrong on that, because Amelia seems like she wouldn't be able to handle bringing that into her life. Lisa seemed more willing to make adjustments and try to roll with it so long as there were some boundaries. Remember that the reason Lisa kicked Dean out wasn't because they couldn't make that balance work, it's because she didn't know Dean had been turned into a vampire and was protecting Ben from himself when Dean shoved Ben away. If Dean had told Lisa the truth, they would have had more of a chance. But Amelia...she doesn't seem in any way ready for all that. Even though she does love Sam.

So Sam and Amelia needed each other when they found each other but it isn't something that was sustainable.

With Benny, I cannot a single reason why Dean had to cut Benny off fully except there had to be drama for plot reasons. It's straining credulity a little, tbh. Benny fits in Dean's weird hunting life, he doesn't ask for much, he's not demanding Dean give up anything, he just wants a friend to talk to once in a while.

So I don't think Dean made the right call there and Sam was in fact pressuring Dean so hard about it and being so controlling and rigid about the Benny issue, so Dean felt like he had to give up Benny as a concession to Sam, while Sam dropped Amelia. It doesn't feel right. Sam going with Amelia would have fully upended their lives. Dean keeping Benny as a friend would not. It's not an even trade.

Torn and Frayed is the most depressing episode of S8. Cas in the wind back to Heaven, Benny cut off, Amelia ditched.

I don't think canon intends this to be the bestest thing ever. The last moments of the ep are depressing--even the music is conveying misery, and Sam and Dean look deflated and grim. I don't even feel like they chose each other for each other, they chose each other for the sake of the mission. Duty. Because of the high stakes of what they're up against and so they have to sacrifice everything for the team. And Dean gets pressured and boxed in to an absolute when it wasn't even necessary, to prove...what. That he loves Sam? He's loyal to Sam? How much more chunks of flesh does Dean have to rip off to prove that?

Nothing about this is saying they're happy, nothing about it says they don't care about Cas or Benny or Amelia. I'm not going at canon here, the canon intent is to explore these issues and is being self-critical and showing the costs. It's not that it's wrong for Sam and Dean to remain a team, but the canon is absolutely not showing this as their only happiness or that the only thing Sam and Dean care about is each other. It's sad because it's supposed to be sad. It's complicated.

[kbz-writes]

Here is my Winter Gift Exchange '24 fic for @kamiya-travis. I hope you like it! It's my first time writing so much Hiruma & Mamori interaction.

Shout out to @eyeshields for organizing, thank youuu!

Title: Any Other Name

Rating: Gen

Relationship: Hiruma & Mamori

Summary: During the Hakushu game, Hiruma's injury happens right before halftime. His conversation with Mamori goes differently.

The gift of being an eldest daughter is that it's also a bit of a curse. Granted, Mamori is an only child. However, she and Sena were close since they were little. They were practically siblings. Caring for someone came naturally to her when they'd play together. The effect compounded from there. She took care of people because she was a caretaker, and she was a caretaker because she took care of people. A cycle. The gentlest ourobous.

That's why, with Hiruma on the cot with his broken arm bandaged, she has to put her foot down.

"There's no way you can keep playing with your arm like that!" she yells, unable to keep her voice calm. The envelope she tore up and then painstakingly taped back together shakes in her hand. "After halftime, we'll have someone else be quarterback—"

"Third question," Hiruma says through gritted teeth, ignoring her completely. "There are idiots in the NFL that have kept playing matches with broken bones. True or false?"

Mamori knows she's trapped in the cycle. She can't let him hurt himself any more.

"If I say true, then you'll just keep playing," she says, unable to keep her eyes from welling with tears. "So I'll say false."

"Wrong." A slash of a smile streaks across Hiruma's face. "I win."

"What? Third... question...?" Her mind goes back to the beginning of the year. Their bet. How could she have forgotten?

"As you promised, you'll work obediently."

"You're an idiot," she whispers. "Bringing that up after all this time."

"Just keep your promise. Open the letter."

"By process of elimination, it has to be Ishimaru." Her fingers work stiffly pulling out the single piece of paper inside. Reading the name feels like gibberish at first. "It's—my name?"

"Oh, good, you're not illiterate. Almost had me fooled."

"You can't be serious. I'm not on the team!"

"You're on the roster."

The Bando game. She had thought it was uncharacteristic for Hiruma to add her as a form of sentimentality. 

"I don't have a uniform." Even as Mamori says that, she knows Hiruma already has an answer. (Suzuna teasingly making Mamori try on Sena's uniform. It'd be easy enough to get her a spare knowing her measurements.)

"That chibi cheerleader is useful sometimes."

Mamori is left standing dumbly, at a complete loss of words. Up to this point, her role on the team has been all about analysis: film, developing plays, planning for every possibility.

"Are you doing this because I know our playbook?" she asks.

Hiruma scoffs. "So does the team."

"But I can't throw—" But she has thrown a few times, she thinks, a little with Suzuna, even once with Hiruma when they had needed to take a break during a particularly long film session. She hadn't been all that good, but she had caught on to the basics.

Her eyes widen.

The weight training she had tried out of curiosity with the team.

Cycling alongside them during their runs.

Ladders with Sena every once in a while.

Even the games of sand football.

She'd been training with them all this time, hadn't she?

"You've been planning this for a long while, haven't you?" she asks. "You always have backup plans just in case, even if something like this happening was almost impossible."

"I've told you before, we make our own luck. Now, don't tell me you'd be satisfied with just being a fucking manager this whole time."

Being the manager for the Devilbats had come naturally to Mamori. It was a challenge she happily accepted. Just like Yukimitsu, Mamori hadn't joined any other clubs. It would have interfered too much with the Devilbats demanding schedule. Her kinship with Yukimitsu is different than her friendship with Suzuna. (Suzuna is part of the cheer team and the Devilbats.) Mamori and Yukimitsu only have the Devilbats. She'd been so happy for him when he joined the field against Shinryuji, even if she felt like she'd been left on the outside looking in.

Mamori had made peace with giving up her last year of athletic eligibility to help the Devilbats.

And yet.

(She placed eighth overall for the girls' heat in the last sports festival race. She beat out a couple of the girls on the track team.)

(She’d thought about joining the track team actually. Something to keep her in shape. Something fun to do. A different form of challenge. But there was never any time.)

"The team has worked so hard to reach the Christmas Bowl," Mamori says. "Somewhere along the way, it became my dream, too." She folds the paper back into the envelope and sets it to the side, all business. "What's your plan? You can't expect me to last the whole second half. I can't throw like you."

Hiruma keeps grinning sharply despite the pain he must be in. "Who the fuck asked you to do that? Your head's getting stupid from all the cream puffs. You're not my replacement. We're going two quarterbacks."

She lets his barbs slide off of her. If anything, his insults are a good sign. They're also reassuring. (Seeing someone as unflappable as Hiruma fall is distressing to the say the least.)

Mamori taps her chin. "If you're going on the field, it must be because you still have a card up your sleeve. Throwing has to be impossible—which is why you'll still do it, won't you?"

"Realistically, I got one good throw left. My arm'll be useless after that."

"But Hakushu doesn't know that. Just you being on the field will make them hesitate with how unpredictable you are."

They lock eyes.

"We're cursing them so they can't fucking look away. Gonna drive fucking eyelashes insane trying to predict what we're gonna do. Might've been close if it was just one quarterback, but luckily we got the smartest bitch joining the field."

"You're terrible," Mamori says. This insult doesn't bother her either. No, her system's already start to fill with adrenaline. She's more concerned with other things. She's seen how big the linemen are. 

Reading her mind, Hiruma says, "Can't guarantee you won't get hurt."

"It's a full contact sport," she says, blunt. Her voice shakes. This is how Sena and Yukimitsu must have felt their first game. She gulps. "I'll do it."

"As if there was any question. 'Sides, the Devilbats don't let fucking cowards on the team."

Their talk takes them about a third of the way through halftime. They hustle getting ready. Following Hiruma's instruction, she bandages both his arms up, and he waits for her to change into her uniform. She is a bit touched to find it's modified for women, more room in the chest padding.

When she puts on her helmet and stares into the mirror, she doesn't recognize herself. All she sees is an American football player. (She likes it.)

She steps out of the changing room, and they walk in-step together to the field, but when Mamori steps onto the pitch, she does it as part of the team.

She does it for herself.

[drhannahasher]

@hopefulprotect

I get it. I really do, Will, and for what it's worth, I am sorry that I left that way... Especially for ghosting you afterwards. As much as I didn't want to admit that Dr. Charles was right about me replacing drugs with you, that's exactly what I was doing. Don't get me wrong, my feelings for you were real... I was completely in love with you, Will, but because I didn't give myself the necessary time to recover from my drug addiction before we started dating, without realizing it, I used you as a form of dependency... Meaning, when we had that fight, I wasn't strong enough in my sobriety to handle it, and I OD'ed, as a result. I knew in my heart that if I stayed in Chicago, that would continue happening, so I left... I knew if I told you in advance that I was leaving, I'd take one look at you and I'd change my mind, though because I never wanted to leave you, Will. Ultimately I knew I needed to make a clean break or I'd never succeed in healing... sobriety... getting clean... or any of it. {Realizing I was oversharing now because I was nervous... Nervous to be back... Nervous about being here with Will... All of it} I'm good now though. I promise. I'm clean, healthy, and sober. I'm strong enough to be here. {I said the words out loud. I was confident Will already believed that about me, but for some reason I still felt the need to say it. By now I glanced back down at my menu as I considered the contents} Everything sounds good... This is going to be a tough decision. {Biting down gently on my bottom lip as I tried to at least narrow it down to a couple of menu items before I'd choose one from that smaller list} What about you? What are you leaning toward getting?

continued

@drhannahasher

It was a big ask; a beg even for Hannah to overcome her struggles to come into Med to help me. And honestly thinking back to the call I had the low expectations she’d answer or yet come for my benefit. Hannah made it clear over a year ago when she left Chicago she left us, left me behind. It took the hold of constant rejected calls and unanswered messages to understand to see the bigger picture. She wanted nothing to do with me; she had tossed me aside when she had her relapse. And it stung; I cared I wanted to help her. I believed in her when she thought the worse version of herself. I saw the good in her; and yeah I wanted to keep her off the wagon, I knew what I was getting myself into when I fell for her. I knew she past; the struggles, but I also saw how strong she was. 

Hannah wasn’t how everyone perceived her after the accident; after being seen as a drug addict, after she left town. I believed she’d find what she was searching for. Even if it never included me. I had Jay on my back teasing about the pinning love I lost, as if he had something to say, given the fact he was not so subtle pinning for his partner might I add. Let’s just say our nights of going out for a drink had become quite frequent. But today wasn’t about my feelings, or my lack of covering what i felt for the blonde. It was about Alyssa a friend who I cared for. And her unborn child; her husband was on another table; one Ethan was working to fix, but my priority was in Hannah’s gallery because even if she didn’t want my support in the OR I was going to be in the gallery to oversea the process, I would never forgive myself if I never showed up. I was scared for Alyssa my childhood friend, but I knew the consequences if Hannah had messed up; not that I believed she would. 

Because I knew the female; she had skill, she worked with grace, which was only confirmed as I stood in the gallery. I glanced to the prying eyes of the residents; of interns who only knew of Hannah Asher through the whispers. But I saw Hannah first hand and I wanted to be proud of her. But her last comment stood in my head. “ Reunite you with Alyssa and the baby.” What does that mean? I had rack my mind on it. I was probably coming off as dumb now, but right now I was confused. Did Hannah think Alyssa and I were..? Did she believe I was the dad because of how far I fought for Alyssa? The questions kept looping around in my mind. And honestly I wouldn’t blame the blonde if she assumed. I did fight for Alyssa, I fought to get her the best care. The only OB I trusted to care for her. She was a friend someone I’d always go to bat for. But did I want to be with Alyssa? No of course not. Once a crush but now I was happy with being a doctor, of being the caring surgeon; the one that oversteps on almost every occasion. 

Hand rested on the wall; eyes glued to the scene. Hannah was working against her own OR, she was preparing to close up when it happened. She lost the stats, the baby was at risk, and Alyssa the blood flow was subsiding, I felt the lump that formed in my throat, and I knew the way her own staff spoke to her. No belief at all. I felt the rage, the anger coursing through my body. She was alone; and man it took every fiber in my body not to run down there; not to intervene, because I knew Hannah she was strong and brave, but she also felt the way people saw her. An addict. She probably wanted to run and never turn back. My heart ached for her, but I wanted to respect her boundaries which was me staying far from the OR. So I stayed in the gallery; I held my breath waiting; but by the end of the surgery I felt pride, I let out the exhale of relief i had been holding. She did it; the baby was okay, and Alyssa she was stable, I felt like I might cry over how phenomenal she was. I was proud of her; and that’s why I released my hold of the wall and I turned to leave the gallery. 

Each step I went with ease, as he walked the stairs, until I reached the ground floor. Will had made his way to the scrub room; where he knew he’d find her; as he pushed through the door he paused wanting to admire her handy work, the surgeon she was. 

“ I knew I put my faith in the right person, You did good. I don’t care what any one in that OR says, you showed what you are capable of.” And Will meant each word; as if it was close to his chest.

[squid--inc]

....

[deoidesign]

.

[shalom-iamcominghome]

Is it too early for me to feel jewish rage because I'm still thinking about the rededication of a shul that two members of my shul are going to. I mentioned this in the tags of a previous post, but know why it's being rededicated to the jewish community? They had to sell the shul to the catholic church. That shul has existed for over a hundred years and a significant portion of its existence has been under ownership of the catholic church. And only now is that jewish community able to buy back their own shul. Maybe it hits harder now because I am in love with my shul, maybe it's because I know how hard it is to find a shul no matter how big the city is. Maybe I just think jewish things deserve to be with jews. Maybe I'm crazy!!

I'm just upset about it. And I know this is, like, 80% of jewish history, but it still makes me feel things.