#I don't need to be told I'm feeling feelings wrong.

[disaster-j]

What really pisses me off is people insisting the break-up doesn't make sense as its own thing when it's so clearly in-character for both of them

Buck has been in a serious relationship with a man for six months but hasn't said the word bisexual. We only know that's His Label bc Oliver Stark calls him bisexual outside of the show. Buck has had what seemed to be a perfect fairytale relationship with Tommy bc Tommy made him feel so safe and comfortable and taken care of that he just let everything else about his coming out journey kinda simmer on the back burner.

And, hey, there's nothing wrong with taking your time with that. But considering the scene at dispatch where he still couldn't talk about his sexuality in concrete terms, clearly he hasn't processed it much, if at all. Buck is the guy who dives deep into research at the slightest opportunity, him knowing so little about queerness and queer culture six months into a serious same-sex relationship isn't just out of character but a clear sign that he simply hasn't done any work to explore his sexuality for himself outside of his relationship with Tommy. Whether the writers intended for it read like that or not doesn't matter very much, bc that's exactly what I'm seeing here.

And, again, that alone as a reason to break up with someone is extremely shitty but that's also not what happened.

Tommy clearly has a history of isolating. He's been hurt a lot in the past, we don't need to know the details to know he's a deeply wounded man who spent most of his life guarding his own heart from the world. He told Buck and the audience over and over again, "I look confident. I look sure. I am comfortable. But it took hard work. I wasn't like this before. This is new. This is good but this is scary. I'm working on it I'm working on it I'm working."

He can see that Buck views him as something more, something better, than he thinks he is. Buck loves Tommy, Buck was infatuated with Tommy. Tommy was this perfect guy in Buck's eyes. And that scared Tommy. It intimidated him. But he kept going bc it wasn't a big deal and he could always remind Buck that hey he's just a guy, a guy who had done things wrong for a long time. But Buck never fully grasped it either. Likely bc of how good Tommy made him feel, he struggled to fully grasp that things with Tommy couldn't always be so perfect and good and safe.

They don't talk about that but they keep going bc they like each other bc they're falling in love bc until that six month mark they were both still fairly distracted by how good it felt to be together to really, seriously consider the ramifications of ignoring those not-so-little things they didn't want to face right then.

And then suddenly it's been six months and they're clearly both in love and they're both clearly not ready to be acknowledging that at all. It's been six months and they're just trying to match each other's pace but have never talked about what that pace actually is and then suddenly they're talking about how Tommy used to be engaged to the woman who taught Buck what a real relationship meant and they still aren't even ready to acknowledge they're in love but Buck is already asking to move in together and talking about marriage and they haven't even said i love yous and Buck can't even utter the word bisexual out loud but he wants to jump into living together and fusing their lives together.

But he's not ready for that. As far as Tommy can see he's not ready for that. And if he's asking for something so big when he can't even say the word love then maybe, in Tommy's mind, he'll never truly be able to say it. Maybe they'll keep going like this. Living together and being together but Buck can't face his sexuality as its own thing and Tommy can't face how his trauma affects their relationship and eventually it'll be too much and maybe Buck still wouldn't want to say it and Tommy would push him away like he pushes everyone away and then they'll be right back to that moment, weeks or months or years later, with Buck wanting more but not able to say those words and with Tommy wishing he'd left before it hurt so much.

And sure it hurts to leave now but at least now he's early. Now, Buck hasn't wrapped himself around every piece of his life. Just his heart. At least now he'll hurt but he won't have to move just to get rid of the scent of Evan Buckley perpetually lingering in every corner of his home.

Buck loves Tommy so much he can't imagine a future without him. Tommy loves him so much he can't imagine a future where he gets to keep him.

The break-up makes all the sense in the world. It just doesn't make sense that the break-up wouldn't force them to work on their respective issues and bring them back together stronger in the future.

[raviposting]

DEAN WINCHESTER & EDDIE DIAZ PARALLELS ↳ Alternatively:

[Image ID under the cut]

GIF 1: A square gif of Dean Winchester from Supernatural 10x16. He is in a confessional booth, and the light from the confessional booth is shining on him, causing a crosshatch pattern to show across his face. He looks sad, saying: "There's things, there's…people, feelings, that I-I-I want to experience differently than I have before, or maybe even for the first time."

GIF 2: A gif of Eddie Diaz in 911 8x06. He is in a confessional booth, red orange toned, and he looks guilty. He looks down and then up, as he says: "I put my desires before his needs."

GIF 3: A gif of Dean in Supernatural 1x18. He is in a blue-green denim jacket and he looks down, saying: "He gave me an order and I didn't listen, I almost got you killed." Sam, offscreen, says: ["You were just a kid."]

GIF 4: A gif of Eddie in 911 5x17. He is in a black shirt, speaking angrily to his father (offscreen). Eddie says: "Why don't you tell them about the time you pulled your 10 year old son aside and told him it was time to step up, be the man of the house?"

GIF 5: A gif of Dean and Jack Kline in Supernatural 15x11. Dean cups Jack's face, searching his eyes, while Jack looks back at him.

GIF 6: A gif of Eddie and Christopher Diaz in 911 3x04. Eddie is speaking to Christopher and making eye contact with him, and puts his hands on Chris's shoulder.

GIF 7: A gif of Dean from Supernatural 4x10. It is close up on his face, and his eyes are teary, and he's shaking his head. He says: "How I feel...This...inside me...I wish I couldn't feel anything, Sammy. I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing." As he speaks, a tear rolls down his cheek.

GIF 8: A gif of Eddie in 911 5x13. It is a close up of his face, and Eddie's face is red from crying. There are tears in his eyes and he shakes his head. Buck, offscreen, asks: ["What are you afraid of?"] and Eddie replies: "That I'm never gonna feel normal again."

GIF 9: A gif of Aaron and Dean in Supernatural 8x13. Aaron is sitting at a rounded table with a drink. He awkwardly touches his nose and says: "I thought we had [...] a little 'eye magic' moment [...] I figured I'd wait until you were done with your meeting and then maybe we might..." Dean nods slightly and says: "Yeah. Uh, okay but no - uh, no moment."

GIF 10: A gif of Eddie and Father Brian from 911 8x06. They are outside, sitting at the juice bar table. The priest sips his coffee and says "You come here often?" Eddie leans in and waves his hand defensively, saying, "Oh, uh, listen uh, no offense, I'm straight."

GIF 11: A gif of Lisa Braeden and Dean hugging in 5x22. Lisa holds onto Dean, closing her eyes, and readjusts her hand to hug him tighter. Dean closes his eyes and leans in closer.

GIF 12: A gif of Kim and Eddie hugging in 7x09. Kim holds onto Eddie, readjusting her hands to hold him tighter. Eddie's eyes are closed and he's leaned in close to Kim.

GIF 13: A close up gif of Dean in Supernatural 3x10. He is listening to Dream Dean (offscreen), who says: ["He knew what you were. A good soldier and nothing else."]

GIF 14: A gif of Eddie in 911 5x15. He is on a hospital bed with a lot of wounds and bandages and looks weary. Offscreen, someone says: ["You got them all out. Staff Sergeant Diaz...you did good."]

GIF 15: A gif of Castiel and Dean from Supernatural 10x22. Dean's face is bloody, and he looks up at Cas, who is holding a knife. Dean says "We need you. I need you." Cas starts slowly moving the knife away.

GIF 16: A gif of Buck and Eddie in 911 4x14. They are at the hospital, Buck in a mustard button up and Eddie in a black tee shirt. Eddie looks forward, saying to Buck: "You act like you're expendable, but you're wrong." Buck looks at him when he hears this.

GIF 17: A gif of Dean in Supernatural 10x16. He is at the confessional booth, and he speaks for a moment before stopping. The shot of Dean is obscured by the pattern of the confessional booth.

GIF 18: A gif of Eddie in 911 8x06. He is at the confessional booth, and he speaks for a moment before stopping. The shot of Eddie is obscured by the pattern of the confessional booth.

CAPTION IMAGE: A screenshot of a discord message stating: "They’re the same person. Tragically, Dean was born in a show created in a pre-Glee world."

/end image ID

[genderqueerdykes]

is it weird that I think any of my (non-trans) body image issues would go away if someone I knew told me I was attractive? I’m ace and a majority of my friends know that, and they kinda avoid talking about any thing like that around me. but I think that if someone told me that I was physically attractive I would feel so much better about my weight or stretch marks or anything really. bc how can i be ugly if someone who can feel what i can’t tells me better. I don’t know how to get out of this mentality.

i think a lot of people feel this way, i have encountered this sentiment a lot. for a long time, i think i felt that way, too, and even now i have moments where i'm unsure about my appearance unless someone is complimenting me

i think the important thing to consider is that we all need validation and to see ourselves in others. you're not wrong for wanting this. you're not wrong for feeling like you need to hear feedback from others before you can be sure in what you're doing. it's not an unusual reaction. however, you don't need to get that approval in order to choose what you do with yourself and your identity

people are attracted to confidence. people find those who aggressively dress and present how they want to very enticing. people like to see someone who is confident and proud in being who they are. the main focus here should always be making sure you're doing what's right for you. people will find you attractive as you fall into yourself and who you truly are. not that that's required

i think finding ways to find yourself attractive or at feel good about how you look is the most important thing. strive to look how you feel you should, what attractive looks like to you. dress and present for yourself. go about your presentation in ways that makes you stop in the mirror and go "oh, i love that." you're here for you, first and foremost. whether or not someone else is attracted to you will depend on that individual person, anyway. there will always be people who aren't attracted to certain types of people, and that doesn't make you unattractive by that proxy. it just means you aren't compatible with those people. but it's not wholesale for everyone

your body is yours and ultimately, whether or not others find you attractive is a small part of life. its really important to consider if you like what you're doing. dress for yourself. present for yourself. find out if what you're doing is what you think looks best for you. other people will find that attractive, not like that's the metric for whether or not you are attractive, or presenting correctly. it all comes down to what you want.

i hope that helps some. a lot of people feel this way, you're definitely not alone. take care of yourself, feel free to come by and ask any more questions you may have!

[certifiedsexed]

🪼 (to find ask)

Basically ever since i first got my period in 5th grade, they’ve been super long and heavy (11-14 days) and id either have 0 cramps or feel like im being stabbed with a knife. Anyway abt 6 months ago i started BC and it helped and made my periods 7 days, but they were still heavy and it made my cramps so bad i would have to beg my pe teacher not to do PE (she made me bc apparently running would help - im not athletic and running makes my whole body cramp up and makes it hurt to breathe) but that aside, i would also have bad lower back pain. So i switched to one with more estrogen, but my second period on it came 11 days after the first one, and now a week after i still have spotting sometimes and occasionally bleeding for 10-20 minutes. I also get like sick on my period (not contagious but like stuffed up and nausea)

Ive told my mom and she just said i have long periods, but shes a bit concerned with the 11 days situation. I have no idea what’s going on with me.

So, let me be honest: this is definitely a situation where I'm kind of limited by knowledge. I can't tell you what's going on with you.

But I can tell you it's definitely not normal and something is definitely wrong. From the length of your periods, to the extreme pain, to the sporadic bleeding-All of that's very concerning, I understand why y'all are worried!

Honestly, I would try pushing not just for birth control, but having tests run to figure out what exactly is going on if you can. These are possibly severe symptoms and are a definite sign you need to know what, exactly, is causing them.

It's really not just the length of your periods that's the issue here. You're having sporadic bleeding and extreme pain, even on birth control. That's bad, to put it simply and not just a slightly inconvenient menstrual cycle.

I don't think this helps but let me know if you have any other questions, Anon.

[ensifervm]

Am I the only one who noticed the bad pacing in this season?

Don't get me wrong, the season is good, the animation and music astonishing, but I just think that things are happening too fast. Characters literally change their minds and attitude in the same episode, and I'm not saying that it's out of character because it fits them and their journey, but it still feels rushed. I would have NEVER imagined to see Vi accepting the badge in the FIRST episode, and even if you know why she did it, I think she needed some time to reorganize her mind after what just happened. Another example? Vi literally asked Caitlyn "not to change" ten minutes before the scene in which Caitlyn literally "changes" and leaves her broke down in tears. It's out of character for her to "change"? Nope, but it just happens too fast, and the viewer doesn't even have the time to fully empathize with the characters. The same happened when Viktor broke free from his "coma" state and told Jayce "allright, I'm gonna go" with a blank stare, and Jayce just remained there because he apparently knew that Viktor needed to go because of plot reasons. The writers surely know where they're going, but at the sime time it seems that they want to do it as fast as possible, without taking the time to fully explore characters reasons and motivations. I remember that I was literally devastated after the end of the first season's Act 1, because the sisters "breakup" came after two and a half episodes in which we can clearly see and understand the depth of their bond. In this season I just cannot feel the same, because things happens too fast and sometimes even just for plot reasons.

[leonawriter]

Thinking about the engine room again, and how the difference between Akechi living (wanting to live) and dying (being satisfied with this sort of end) isn't how invested he is in Joker, but how invested Joker is in him.

Although he instigated the confidant, and although in vanilla he constantly kept seeking Akira out, it's only in Royal's max confidant that he has the impetus to fight back.

Simple thing, right?

Because the reason is even stated earlier in the same scene, that Akechi would do "[anything] just so someone would want me around!" - so if he hasn't put the effort into creating a two-sided bond with Akira before this, he feels that this need is never going to be fulfilled, and effectively that no matter how much he himself wants anyone else, no one will care about him enough for his continued life to matter.

What keeps him around, gives him the will to fight and endure on, is quite literally the promise Akira makes him. That "I'll hold onto your glove" isn't just asking for a rematch, or the "no, don't go!" that in their situation wouldn't be weird; it's the culmination of their bond expressed like that, in a way that gets Akechi to realise that someone really does want him around the same way (better than, even) he'd been searching for in all the wrong places up to then.

It's down to Akechi asking for Akira's number, Akira keeping on meeting up, and neither of them giving up on the other even when it might have been easy to. I think it's important, really, that Akechi's the one who starts it off, because in a sense he's taking a leap of faith and hoping that it pays off, especially when he seems to "not have time for" other friendships.

I'm reminded of BSD Atsushi saying "People have to be told that it's alright for them to live," and how you as the player gave no option but to do so for Akechi if you've maxed his confidant. Joker WILL give him that reason to keep fighting, one way or another, if they're close enough for him to do so.

And Akechi will go from feeling like he might as well die in this place, to realising that... for whatever reason, in ways only they can understand, he hasn't been able to push even just this one person away from him. No matter what he's done, who he's hurt, what he's said. He doesn't just have words, but an understanding of Akira's character and experiences that back up him saying "I want you alive [for our rematch], isn't that enough of a reason to stay alive?"

And, judging by the view out of the train window in the true ending, it is.

[isakvaltersnake]

some brilliant minds 1x08 thoughts; spoilers within so proceed on your own judgement

those two nerds are so into each other and it's so loud also CAROL IMMEDIATELY CLOCKING THEM

josh like pls don't put me in the middle of your feud but then when oliver leaves he whips his head around like WAIT I DIDN'T MEAN GO THOUGH

"I am sorry to report that you have... a twinkle in your eyes" ANGEL

I know it's not the time or whatever but muriel is so hot

carol get behind me I will protect you

at this point their little last name thing is basically foreplay and the way we will get them saying each others first names in a moment of extreme intimacy I'm so ready

"when we're tog- when we're on a case together I need open channels of communication"

THESE NERDS ARE SO FUCKING HORNY FOR EACH OTHER

they are frantic in a way that tells me the sex is fucking feral

this lady's sons SUCK also yes jacob you stand up for that woman's sex positivity

this lunch date has everything. giggling. genuine admiration. nerding out together. roasting. flirting.

heartbeats being the romantic soundtrack to this episode is A Lot

carol get behind me and dana we will protect you

josh trying to impress oliver with his military man intimidation tactics AND IT WORKS?

also they are 100% that couple that just looks at each other a little too long or flirts a little too close to the sun and then suddenly they're trying to eat each other in a room full of people

CAROL GET BEHIND ME DANA AND OLIVER WE WILL PROTECT YOU

"I don't want that for you" with tears in his eyes my god i love them

"just don't hurt him" and you can see josh start to panic like oh god I will and I don't even think he cares about how awkward it would be professionally but he cares about oliver and he feels it in that moment that oliver's heart is something special, oliver is something special and for anyone else this could be casual but he knows for them it's not

josh DEVASTATED that oliver let it go without a fight. he wanted to walk in there and be told in no uncertain terms that he was being ridiculous. he wanted oliver to call him on his bullshit, to get under his skin the way only he can. and the one time he finally concedes, defers, even though it's obvious that he's just going along and josh hates it and he wants to take it all back so bad

CAROL NOOOOOOO

dana giving june a sex toy just incredible and I love her so much

old people throuple diversity win

I didn't need protection, I needed LOVE. and he's talking about after his dad died but he's also talking about now. he's also talking about how happy he is with josh and how they could love each other if they let themselves

I just know sex with van is INSANE imagine the giver that man is when he can also feel the pleasure his partner is feeling

our odds are 60/40 but you've proven me wrong before. and heartbeats fading in. and someone is choosing oliver even though it won't be easy, and pain is inevitable but so is joy and this could be it and they both know it

[sorcave]

Hating Calypso does not mean you don't understand morally grey characters and defending her does not mean you understand them.

I've seen many takes from those defending Calypso in one way or another dismissing those who hate her as "not understanding morally gray characters" which is simply isn't true. Defending her as a poor victim who didn't know any better does not mean you understand the concept of morally gray characters either.

The main divide is whether intent, her actions, or both matters in defining her morality and by how much. Either side of that spectrum is missing the nuance of the situation- she's not a supervillain intent on making Odysseus' life horrible nor is she an innocent, naive girl who shouldn't be held accountable for her actions. To me, while I don't think she is evil, she is at the darker end of the "morally gray" spectrum as her actions are so egregious that her intent nearly doesn't matter.

Most defenders use the story that Calypso tells in "I'm Not Sorry For Loving You" as their evidence. She didn't INTEND to hurt Odysseus- she hasn't known anyone before so she didn't know! She was just lonely! She just loved him! If you were stuck on an island all alone for 100 years and finally someone came, wouldn't YOU want to make sure they didn't leave? Besides, she apologizes for her actions!

This is a trap that the song actively brings listeners into. It is meant (or at least easily interpreted as) as a plea for sympathy, to make the audience feel empathy for poor Calypso. It is not a simple explanation for her actions and it is definitely not an apology for them. The reason it feels like a "Youtuber Apology" is that they share many similar characteristics. She is intentionally vague about what she is apologizing about, to the point they are nearly irrelevant. "Coming on too strong" wasn't the issue- it was "Coming on too strong" AFTER Odysseus told her no ( "From here you're mine, all mine"/ "Hell No") was. It doesn't address her main crime, specifically keeping a man AGAINST HIS WILL for seven YEARS, even AFTER he became so desperate to leave that he was moments from committing suicide. Lastly, she doesn't take accountability but (intentionally or not) blames Odysseus . "I'm sorry if my love was too much for you" is a VERY common phrased used by abusers to shift the blame from themselves onto their victims.

The crux of the issue for me is while her rough experience up until she met Odysseus may explain her actions, too many people seem to use it to EXCUSE her actions (including, seemingly, the narrative itself). Why this rubs so many the wrong is because of how many real life victims have been told they have to "forgive" their abusers because their life was hard or "they didn't know better." Many who were bullied as a kid had at least one guidance counselor say they needed to "forgive/even befriend x because they are struggling/ \[Insert Bad Thing Here} happened to them." Many others see Calypso using the same tactics their own abusers used to hurt them, and justifiably hate her for it.

I am not saying someone is wrong or stupid for having a more forgiving perspective on Calypso. If you are one to put more weight into intent than actions, I could see why Calypso could be a much lighter gray ( I am not seeing many defenders saying she is an entirely innocent, "morally good" character"). It can be argued that her actions were not of an intentional abuser but of a goddess who haven't had much experience with relationships before, especially with mortals. If her idea of romance came from whatever the Ancient Greek version of romance novels were, it makes sense that her idea of romance may not be the healthiest. Heck, even reading the myths would explain or even excuse why she didn't see "She's my wife" as a sign to back off- for probably at least 90 percent of Greek Heroes, that would not matter.

In summary, Calypso is a morally gray character- but that doesn't mean there aren't valid reason to dislike or even hate her. Seeing her as dark gray bordering on black doesn't mean you don't see the nuance- many who are against her understand her intent may not have been evil- but that her actions make her intent almost irrelevant. So please stop dismissing those who dislike/hate her as simply misunderstanding/being naive with morally gray characters. Many are not (especially since the entire show is full of them) and simply put weight in her actions more than her intent.

[lemotmo]

Sorry if this is controversial but I was wondering if you also thought Josh's speech was kind of messed up? I don't remember the world Pre-Glee but I thought Buck was right using someone and then throwing them away is cruel and horrible. People are saying it was about comphet but Buck's words implied he knew he was gay and did it anyways. I don't think a lesbian woman would be "applauded" for doing that to a man?

Well, I think it's a very complex issue Nonny.

A lot of gay men and lesbian women have settled down and married someone of the opposite sex because that was what was expected of them.

Take Michael and Athena. Michael always knew he was gay, but still chose to marry Athena. He tried to make it work and convince himself that Athena and the kids was enough for him to be happy. But he was only lying to himself. He would never be fully happy with a woman.

Of course there are a lot of factors that weigh in here: time period, upbringing, religious indoctrination...

I never made it a secret that I don't like Tommy, but I certainly don't blame him for 'trying' to be with a woman to 'fit' in in society. We know that the place he worked at at the time was not very welcoming towards anyone that didn't fit the 'norm'.

And yes, he was part of that problem himself with the continuing racist and sexist remarks and actions. I'm aware. There is absolutely no excuse for his behaviour.

But that doesn't take away that he was a gay man trapped in a life he didn't really want. So I find it very difficult to 'judge' anyone for trying to 'fit in', because it's such an essential part of being human. We all want to fit in.

Next to that there were and still are (to this day) real life repurcussions if people found out your sexuality. Your family could disown you, your friends could stop talking to you, your job could become more difficult, you would have to be more alert of hate crimes...

So yes, I agree he was wrong for stringing Abby along in a two-year relationship, but he wasn't only unfair towards her. He was also unfair towards himself.

Buck saying it was cruel comes from a place of 'innocence' and 'naivety'. He means well, but he didn't think it through. Which is a very Buck thing to do.

So in comes Josh. He is older than Buck and has more experience in life and relationships. As a gay man he has probably seen it all in his personal life. He knows how some gay man try to 'make it work' with a woman.

It was a good idea to have Josh talk to Buck, but the speech he gave was just NOT IT AT ALL! The whole pre-Glee and post-Glee is just a dumb analogy.

Josh should have talked about his real life experience and how some people try to cope for different many reasons. He should have told him that these people often have a lot of inner hate because they know that they are lying to their partners and feel awful about it, but they are stuck and can't get out.

And that doesn't make it right and these women definitely have a right to be very angry and upset for being lied to, or in Abby's case she had a right to be angry to be dumped, because he didn't even tell her he was gay.

But we need to remember that this isn't just a black and white issue. There are a lot of grey areas here.

[lucy90712]

Puppy- Pedri

Life has been a lot recently I moved away from my hometown and my parents to move in with my boyfriend after being long distance for nearly two years. Getting to live with him has been amazing I love Pedri so much and now we don't have to miss each other in between being able to visit one another. Moving from Tenerife to Barcelona has also meant I needed to find a new job which luckily didn't take long so I've just started at a new company and moved which is a lot all at once but so far it's been mostly good.

I do feel like I'm kind of just getting through each day I wake up and then I'm at work and then I come back home again. My life doesn't feel like my life anymore I had a whole routine back home but now everything is different and I don't have the little things in my routine that helped each day feel less mundane. The best part of my day is when Pedri gets home and we can cuddle on the sofa and watch a movie which has become a daily routine. Don't get me wrong I love my new life as I get to be with Pedri but it's a lot of change all at once and I feel like it's finally catching up to me and I'm starting to miss home a little. 

It's going to take some time to get used to being here but I'm sure eventually Barcelona will start to feel like home and I'll forget all about this time where I felt out of place. I know this is where I'm supposed to be as otherwise Pedri would've never come into my life and he's definitely the best thing that's ever happened to me. When we get used to living together and I get used to the city I'm sure it will all be perfect right now we are just going through an adjustment period. 

Pedri's POV

Like most days when Y/n got home she seemed stressed until she saw me then she put a fake smile on her face. I can tell she's faking it because the smile didn't reach her eyes like it always does when she's actually smiling. I know the move has been a lot on her we both knew the first few weeks would be hard but I can tell she's still struggling and that just breaks my heart. It's not that she doesn't want to be here as when we go places together she really enjoys herself but whenever I have to leave her or she goes to work the next time I see her she looks stressed and just generally unhappy. 

I should've known that moving so far from home and getting a new job all at the same time would be hard for her but I underestimated how big of a change that would be for her. I remember when I first moved here I didn't know anyone and it was my first time living alone it was scary and I missed home a lot and that must be how y/n feels as I know she is really close to her family so not being close to them distance wise anymore is difficult. I want to do something to make her feel more at home here but I have no idea what the right thing to do is as I can't just magically help her settle in. 

This has been on my mind for a few days and I can't decide the right thing to do so I've decided that I'm going to ask some of the other guys if they have any ideas. I've told Ferran about my dilemma but he was no use and the same goes for Gavi neither of them gave me any serious ideas they just joked around like they always do. Asking them made it clear that I need to talk to one of the older guys who might actually offer some sensible advice. 

"Hey Raphinha can I get your advice on something?" I asked 

"Of course man what's up" he said 

"You know y/n moved in with me a few months ago well I just feel like she hasn't fully settled in and I don't know what to do she just seems stressed and unhappy" I said 

"That's hard she must just miss home I know this isn't the answer your looking for but time is the best thing for that and just talk to her asking her how she feels will help you understand what you can do to take some of the stress away" he advised 

"Thanks man I'll definitely talk to her" I said 

"Wait Pedri did you say y/'s missing home" one of coaches said from across the hallway 

"Yeah she just seems to be lonely I guess she's only got me and anyone I've introduced her to so when we aren't around that's when she seems to be the worst" I said 

"This might not be the solution you're looking for but my brother found a puppy dumped in a bin last night maybe having something in the house would help y/n feel less lonely if you want to meet the puppy I'll give you my brothers number" he said 

"Actually that sounds like a great idea" I said 

Getting a puppy was definitely not something I'd planned on doing for a while as I'm not around as much as I would need to be to look after a dog and I didn't want to put that all on y/n as she's getting used to life here but maybe it would be good for her. Having a little puppy around the house to keep her company while I'm not around sounds like a great idea to me and she can meet new people taking the dog for a walk. 

~~~~~~~~~~

After seeing the puppy my mind was made up he was so sweet and he reminded me a lot of the family dog y/n has back home which seemed like a sign that this was the decision I needed to make. It took a few days to get everything sorted but finally today I picked up the puppy and brought him home to explore a bit before y/n got home from work. So far he's done just that he hasn't stopped running around and playing with the few toys I got him as well as my shoes but we will work on stopping that another day. 

Your POV

Today has been a long day we had a big presentation at work today and I had a few important meetings and now I'm just exhausted. When I pulled into the driveway Pedri's car was already there and that made me feel a little better as seeing him and cuddling with him sounds like it will make all my problems go away at least for tonight. As I entered the door I saw a little plastic ball on the floor which had me confused as I don't know why Pedri would have one of those or why it would just be on the floor. Then it all made sense when a tiny ball of black fluff ran towards me grabbed the ball and ran away again towards Pedri who picked up the puppy and brought it towards me. 

As soon as he placed the puppy in my arms I was in love it looked exactly like my parents dog back home which they got when I was little and we grew up together. Holding the puppy made me feel like I had a bit of home with me and it reminded me of my childhood and all of the photos I have with my parents dog. 

"Whose dog is this?" I asked Pedri 

"He's ours" he said 

"I have so many questions" I said 

"Well one of our coaches at the club overheard me talking to Raphinha about how I think you've been missing home and feeling lonely here and said that his brother found a puppy dumped in a bin so I went and met the puppy and instantly knew he'd be a perfect fit for us and I know we both have busy lives but I thought he'd keep you company while I'm away" Pedri explained 

"Who would dump this little cutie" I cooed to the puppy

"I do have one last question does he have a name yet?" He asked 

"I haven't properly named him yet as I didn't want to do it without you but I was thinking we could call him Nilo" he said 

"I like that welcome to our crazy household Nilo" I said 

Pedri took my bag off me while I took Nilo to the living room so I could sit and play with him to destress from my day. It didn't take long for Pedri to join us and we both threw the little ball across the room and watched little Nilo scamper after it. A puppy would've been the last thing I thought I wanted if you'd have asked me even just yesterday but I actually think Pedri is right Nilo is going to be great at keeping me company when no one else is here and having such a happy little thing here to greet me when I get home is definitely going to brighten my days. It feels like I've got a little bit of my life from back home here now that we have a dog and hopefully that will help make Barcelona feel like home. 

For the rest of the night we didn't take our attention off Nilo but eventually we had to go to bed now we had agreed that Nilo wouldn't sleep in the bed with us but that went out the window within two seconds. As soon as we saw him sitting on the floor in his bed whimpering and wanting our attention Pedri got up and put him on our bed which stopped his crying instantly. Nilo was quick to make himself comfy in my arms as Pedri put his arms around me and we settled down for the night as some sort of weird family.

"Thank you for getting Nilo just having him here has made me feel more at home" I said 

"There's no need to thank me I just want you to be comfortable here and honestly as soon as I saw him there was no way I was leaving without him he was just too cute" Pedri laughed 

"He certainly is cute you have competition now" I joked 

"I don't think I'm going to win that competition" he said 

"No you won't but I still love you" I said 

"More than Nilo?" He asked 

"Of course for now at least" I joked 

Pedri rolled his eyes but I know he feels the exact same way I do. 

[skyguy8108]

The difference with Ki-Adi and Anakin though is Ki-Adi was a Knight in the story whereas Anakin is still a Padawan so they might not let him leave.

I don't know if Lucas realized how he made the Jedi look because neither AOTC (movie) or novel explains why they had no contact. I know Lucas told Terry Brooks, the writer of TPM novel, what happens to Shmi in the second movie and that's why he wrote a scene in TPM novel with Anakin saving a Tusken.

The thing is Lucas wanted Shmi to die that way and for Anakin to lose it and he didn't care about how he made the Jedi look but I think were not suppose to see because he does not see the Jedi's rules as wrong even though we may question it and feel (as I do) that is part of why Anakin fell. In the AOTC commentary Lucas says Anakin would have been fine if he had been found as a 1 year old because he wouldn't have had a strong connection to his mother (I say he wouldn't have one at all) and learned to love without attachment. But what does loving without attachment really mean because it comes off as just not caring beyond Oh, that's said.

Obi-Wan knows Anakin has been having dreams about his mother, if contact was allowed surely Obi-Wan would suggest calling her but he doesn't. Going further with reading things from the movie we have Anakin telling Padmé he's ready for the trials and feels held back and I feel a part of that is because as a Knight he would have the freedom to go save his mother from slavery. The AOTC novel adds that other Padawans his age have taken the trials.

Before getting on the transport to Naboo Anakin tells Padmé this is his first assignment on his own. So that to me says he never had a chance to run off and help his mother and Padmé offering to go with him addresses the need of him getting a ship.

On the transport to Naboo Anakin has a nightmare, the scene was cut form the movie but Padmé mentions this when she says to Anakin he's had another nightmare. The second being the one he had on Naboo. This scene is also in the novel. Now I don't know why it was cut but it again raises the question of why Anakin doesn't know about his mother being free once Anakin and us the audience learn she's been free for years.

All the other Jedi are recruited as infants and are we to assume that no parent in the history of the Jedi Order has never tried to contact their child? Sure Lucas could say that has never happened but he hasn't so all we can assume is the Jedi would not allow the children given to the Order to have contact with their families. So them preventing Shmi from talking with Anakin is in their wheelhouse.

I have wondered what would the Jedi do if Cliegg or Owen had sent a message to tell Anakin what had happened to his mother. The Jedi are all about not acting on their emotions and they would remember how he felt about her when they first interviewed him and surely they know that he'd run off to help her and thus could easily determine Anakin should not be told.

There is a quote from TPM novel which I feels highlights the issues with the Jedi and why Qui-Gon would have been the ideal master for Anakin. Also in Legends Qui-Gon did do something to help Shmi which if he had lived I'm sure he would have told Anakin what he did. Qui-Gon was going to send Shmi money that Watto would take but worried Watto would be suspicious so he sent her a valuable ship part. After falling in love with Cliegg she gave it to him and Cliegg used that to free her.

Here is the quote:

Qui-Gon lifted his gaze to a darkened window. The storm had subsided, the wind abated. It was quiet without, the night soft and welcoming in its peace. The Jedi Master thought for a moment on his own life. He knew what they said about him at Council. He was willful, even reckless in his choices. He was strong, but he dissipated his strength on causes that did not merit his attention. But rules were not created solely to govern behavior. Rules were created to provide a road map to understanding the Force. Was it so wrong for him to bend those rules when his conscience whispered to him that he must?

The Jedi folded his arms over his broad chest. The Force was a complex and difficult concept. The Force was rooted in the balance of all things, and every movement within its flow risked an upsetting of that balance. A Jedi sought to keep the balance in place, to move in concert to its pace and will. But the Force existed on more than one plane, and achieving mastery of its multiple passages was a lifetime’s work. Or more. He knew his own weakness. He was too close to the life Force when he should have been more attentive to the unifying Force. He found himself reaching out to the creatures of the present, to those living in the here and now. He had less regard for the past or the future, to the creatures that had or would occupy those times and spaces.

It was the life Force that bound him, that gave him heart and mind and spirit.

So it was he empathized with Anakin Skywalker in ways that other Jedi would discourage, finding in this boy a promise he could not ignore. Obi-Wan would see the boy and Jar Jar in the same light—useless burdens, pointless projects, unnecessary distractions. Obi-Wan was grounded in the need to focus on the larger picture, on the unifying Force. He lacked Qui-Gon’s intuitive nature. He lacked his teacher’s compassion for and interest in all living things. He did not see the same things Qui-Gon saw.

Qui-Gon sighed. This was not a criticism, only an observation. Who was to say that either of them was the better for how they interpreted the demands of the Force? But it placed them at odds sometimes, and more often than not it was Obi-Wan’s position the Council supported, not Qui-Gon’s. It would be that way again, he knew. Many times.

This also ties into another part from TPM novel and the book Clone Wars Gambit Stealth.

Obi-Wan closed his eyes in dismay. This was a disaster waiting to happen. But it was Qui-Gon’s disaster to manage. It was not his place to interfere. Qui-Gon had made the decision to bring Jar Jar Binks along, after all. Not because he was a skilled navigator or had displayed even the slightest evidence of talent in any other regard, but because he was another project that Qui-Gon, with his persistent disregard for the dictates of the Council, had determined had value and could be reclaimed.

It was a preoccupation that both mystified and frustrated Obi-Wan. His mentor was perhaps the greatest Jedi alive, a commanding presence at Council, a strong and brave warrior who refused to be intimidated by even the most daunting challenge, and a good and kind man. Maybe it was the latter that had gotten him into so much trouble. He repeatedly defied the Council in matters that Obi-Wan thought barely worthy of championing. He was possessed of his own peculiar vision of a Jedi’s purpose, of the nature of his service, and of the causes he should undertake, and he followed that vision with unwavering single-mindedness.

Obi-Wan was young and impatient, headstrong and not yet at one with the Force in the way that Qui-Gon was, but he understood better, he thought, the dangers of overreaching, of taking on too many tasks. Qui-Gon would dare anything when he found a challenge that interested him, even if he risked himself in the undertaking.

So it was here. Jar Jar Binks was a risk of the greatest magnitude, and there was no reason to think that embracing such a risk would reap even the smallest reward.”

The Gungan muttered some more, all the while casting about through the viewport as if seeking a road sign that would allow him to at least pretend he knew what he was doing. Obi-Wan gritted his teeth. Stay out of it, he told himself sternly. Stay out of it.

“Here, take over,” he snapped at Jar Jar. He moved out of his seat to kneel close to Qui-Gon. “Master,” he said, unable to help himself, “why do you keep dragging these pathetic life-forms along with us when they are of so little use?”

Qui-Gon Jinn smiled faintly. “He seems that way now perhaps, but you must look deeper, Obi-Wan.”

“I’ve looked deep enough, and there is nothing to see!” Obi-Wan flushed with irritation. “He is an un-needed distraction!”

“Maybe for the moment. But that may change with time.” Obi-Wan started to say something more, but the Jedi Master cut him short. “Listen to me, my young Padawan. There are secrets hidden in the Force that are not easily discovered. The Force is vast and pervasive, and all living things are a part of it. It is not always apparent what their purpose is, however. Sometimes that purpose must be sensed first in order that it may be revealed later.”

Obi-Wan’s young face clouded. “Some secrets are best left concealed, Master.” He shook his head. “Besides, why must you always be the one to do the uncovering? You know how the Council feels about these … detours. Perhaps, just once, the uncovering should be left to someone else.”

Qui-Gon looked suddenly sad. “No, Obi-Wan. Secrets must be exposed when found. Detours must be taken when encountered. And if you are the one who stands at the crossroads or the place of concealment, you must never leave it to another to act in your place.”

Clone Wars Gambit Stealth

“Probably,” said Anakin, grinning again. “Right, let’s get settled in. The faster we can get through to the Temple and coordinate a battle plan, the faster we get Bant’ena away from Durd. Here—” He held out his glowing lightsaber. “Hold this for me.”

Troubled, Obi-Wan watched him as he unplugged a small desk lamp. “Anakin …”

“What?” said Anakin, dropping to his knees to set the lamp up again on the floor under the front counter. He looked over his shoulder—and his expression changed. He plugged the lamp in and switched it on, then sat back on his heels. His face was wary now, and his fists rested combatively on his thighs. “Obi-Wan, what?”

Obi-Wan wasn’t going to let himself be sidetracked by the tone. Deactivating the lightsaber, he tossed it back. “Anakin, don’t do this,” he said, as his former student caught the weapon and put it aside. “Don’t—” He took a moment to rein in his own temper. Fixing broken things is all very well—but not when we’re up to our armpits in a dangerous mission. “Qui-Gon used to do this. He used to roam around the galaxy picking up strays.”

“Like me, you mean?” said Anakin tightly. “Useless hangers-on like me?”

“You were never useless. Anakin, please, you must listen,” he insisted. “On almost every mission he and I went on we came across someone in trouble. Sometimes they’d brought it on themselves. Sometimes they were like Doctor Fhernan, victims of another being’s machinations. But there was always someone. And he would try to help them.”

“So?” said Anakin. “What’s wrong with that? He helped me. He saved me. And this is my way of paying him back for that. Every person I help or save is me saying thank you to Qui-Gon. Why do you have a problem with that?”

“I don’t,” Obi-Wan protested. And then, at Anakin’s look, he grimaced. “Well—yes, all right. I do. But not because it isn’t an admirable ambition. It is, Anakin. It’s admirable, it’s laudable, it shows you have a good heart. But—” He ran a hand over his beard, searching for the right words. “For one thing, we’re Jedi, not social workers. It’s not our job to collect the galaxy’s waifs and strays.”

Anakin’s chin came up, defiant. “Then it should be. What is the point of having all this power if we don’t use it to make people’s lives better?”

“But we do make people’s lives better! You know we do!” he retorted. “Right now the Jedi are dying to make people’s lives better. I can’t believe I need to remind you of that!”

“You don’t,” said Anakin, glowering. “And I’m not saying we should drop everything and devote all our time and resources to picking up strays. I’m not saying we should go looking for them, either. What I’m saying is that if we happen to fall over one we shouldn’t just—just pick ourselves up and keep on walking.”

“Oh, Anakin.” Sighing, he dropped cross-legged to the dusty carpet. “I know it’s hard. I know it seems cruel. But—”

“That’s because it is cruel, Obi-Wan,” Anakin snapped. “Cruel and unfeeling and unworthy of the Jedi Order.”

He was so like Qui-Gon. This was like arguing with a ghost. Don’t waste your breath, Obi-Wan. I will do what I must. “It rarely ends well, you know,” he said gently, willing Anakin to hear him, to believe him. “Entangling yourself in these transitory lives? And when it doesn’t end well, when you can’t save these people, when we can’t save Doctor Fhernan or her family or her unfortunate friends—”

“You don’t know we can’t save them. You’re giving up without even trying!”

“No, Anakin. I am not giving up. I am merely facing facts.” He hesitated, because what he wanted to say next was dangerous. On the other hand—it needed to be said. “Don’t misunderstand me. Your compassion is admirable. You are a truly good man. One of the very best I know. But you’re also a Jedi, and we cannot allow ourselves to become emotionally involved.” A deep breath. A sharp sigh. “Bant’ena Fhernan is not your mother.”

Anakin leapt to his feet. “You leave my mother out of this!”

“Anakin!” he hissed. “For pity’s sake, keep your voice down.”

Hard-breathing silence as Anakin struggled for self-control. And then he shook his head. “You don’t understand, Obi-Wan. You’ll never understand. You’ve never been a slave. You have no idea what it’s like to be completely helpless. To know your life could end at any moment on someone else’s whim.”

“That’s true,” he admitted. “But—”

“No. There is no but,” Anakin said flatly. “You’re wrong. Okay? You’re wrong. So just sit there and be wrong. Or get the other lamp set up. Or start looking for a comm hub so I can hopefully punch a signal through to the Temple. Do something, Obi-Wan. Do anything. Anything except try to tell me that I’m wrong. Because I’m not.”

Obi-Wan looked at Anakin, astonished. Ignoring him, Anakin turned away and began to rummage through an overstocked cupboard. So he did as he was told, and started setting up the second lamp.

My read of the situation is simply Shmi is not important enough for the Jedi to bother with and that lead to some of the problems.

In the epilogue of the Darth Plagueis novel Obi-Wan and Anakin visit Palpatine shortly after the victory celebration on Naboo on Coruscant and he realizes that Anakin will grow embittered as his mother ages in slavery. The freaking Sith Lord figures it would while the Jedi are just OMFG.

[Attack of the Clones reveals that sometime after Anakin left to become a Jedi, Shmi found herself freed from her enslavement to Watto, but tragically died later on due to the actions of some Tusken Raiders. Anakin came to her aid in her last moments, but was unable to save her, and his main hangup over what happened is indicated to be a belief that he could've saved her if only he'd been stronger.]

Jedi critical folks: The Jedi should've gone back and freed Shmi; that would've TOTALLY prevented her from randomly dying! Also, Anakin and Shmi not speaking for ten years was OBVIOUSLY because the Jedi forbade them from contacting each other, and he DEFINITELY came to resent the Jedi over that, nevermind that there's absolutely no evidence to support this in Lucas's works!

[squid--inc]

....

[thepersonperson]

I can’t believe we got an infodump on simple domains AGAIN over a Sukuna backstory.

More complaining under the cut.

Usually I am one to give Gege the benefit of the doubt and will read heavily into what little information we are given. But I can't defend this chapter themes or character wise.

Even if this turns out to be a fakeout, going in painstaking detail over a show-not-tell battle in a way that lacks characterization and heartfelt emotion sucks to read. Even if the new shadow style and simple domain debacle goes somewhere, having it the main focus after an extremely traumatic battle instead of characters processing their emotions sucks to read. Even if Gojo is alive and that's why they're this chipper, everyone ignoring his sacrifice and efforts along with Choso's sucks to read.

I'm happy Yuta and Higuruma are alive but why was their revival off-screened? Yuta was so defensive over Gojo and everyone treating him like an object just 8 chapters ago. What happened to that? Why is everyone treating this battle like it was no big deal? (Also why the fudge did Kusakabe tell Yuji, a 15 year old, to his face he should've been killed while disparaging Gojo for protecting the life of a child???)

After the Shibuya Incident, there was a whole segment dedicated to how this affected the average person. The Culling Games ended and there are still bloodthirsty freaks running around. What happened to them? Is Angel hunting them down and that's why Hana is missing? Infodumping on anything except the battle would've been better.

I doubt we'll get any more info on Sukuna, Kenjaku, and Tengen at this point. We'll be lucky if there's a funeral for even Geto's body. Shoko was absent this entire chapter which makes me thing she's still trying to save Gojo or she's preparing their bodies for a funeral.

Anyways. This is the worst JJK chapter for me hands down. My hopes for the final 2 are mostly dashed. Crunch and poor working conditions really do ruin art my goodness.

[deoidesign]

.

[walkingstackofbooks]

Once again, an imagined 3-paragraph-whatsit has grown into a little longer ficlet 😅😅...

Occasionally, Julian asks Palis what's going to happen to them when he graduates and leaves with Starfleet for the stars. Usually, she just laughs, asking "Why worry about the future, when what we have now is so good?", or jokes about how she'll have to make sure she ties him up securely enough to stop that happening.

So he tries not to think about it too much, and accepts that their relationship is one of those that's not going to last forever - which is fine, what they have is good, and he was lucky that Palis had ever chosen him in the first place. Their futures being different from each other doesn't lessen the love that they have for each other now.

And then, six months away from graduating, Paris proposes. And Julian accepts, because what else do you do when your beautiful, amazing girlfriend proposes, even if it is completely unexpected?

He does wonder what made her change her mind though - she's never shown any interest in leaving France before, or in a long-distance relationship - but he's learnt not to ask her these things directly over the years, and so for a few days he tiptoes round the subject, dropping hints and subtle questions which she dances around as gracefully as ever.

The following Friday, she invites their parents round for a celebratory meal. She doesn't like it when he's critical of his parents - it's disrespectful - so he grins and bears it and doesn't tell her he'd much rather just cuddle up with her and a film and a takeaway for the evening.

"Have you told him the news?" her father asks as they sit down for the meal. Her face lights up, and she turns to beam at Julian, reaching out for to grasp his hand.

"No, I left it for you," she replies.

And suddenly, Julian's being offered a job here in Paris. He could be Chief of Surgery in five years, apparently. Or, as Monsieur Delon -Henri - assures him, if he wanted to get deeper into research, then Saint-Antoine has very close links with univerisities all across Europe.

"I-I thought... You're not coming with me?" he asks Palis in a daze. She smiles at him brightly.

"Of course not! What would I do in space?" she laughs. "Jules, this is perfect - I know you'll be an incredible doctor, and now you don't have to leave me. I've been hoping it would work out, but I didn't want to tell you until dad had got it all sorted - isn't he the best?"

"What a wonderful opportunity!" Amsha gushes. "And here in Paris! You'll be grateful to have stayed so close to London, when you need us to help with our grandchildren."

It is a very good opportunity, and Julian should want it, shouldn't he - to have this life with Palis, to have family looking out for him, for Palis not to give up the job she loves...

His heart is racing. He feels sick.

"I'm sorry," he says faintly, standing up and bringing a hand to his stomach. "I, uh - cramps, you know? Excuse me."

He leaves the room quickly, hearing the scraping of a chair behind him - presumably Palis coming to find out what's really wrong.

She follows him through to their bedroom, glaring at him from the door as he sits down on the edge of their bed.

"That was rude," she snaps, "and don't tell me it was cramps. You had your period last week."

"I was trying not to be rude!" Julian tries to explain. "I know your father must have put in a lot of work to make this happen, I don't want to sound ungrateful or say the wrong thing—"

"Then just say yes!" Palis interrupts. "What is wrong with you? It's perfect, and here you are having a fucking panic attack about it!"

"I'm not— I..." There's a buzzing in his ears, and he trails off, reaching for something neutral. "I don't— I don't like surpises," he reminds her quietly.

To his relief, she softens, despite how pathetic he's being. Settling beside him, she starts rubbing firm circles into his back, grounding him, letting him bask in her touch.

"Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry," she says. "Is that what all this is about? It being a surprise? Oh, Julian, if I'd known you didn't like them, I wouldn't have done it like this at all. You should have told me."

He leans into her, taking deep breaths and comfort in her familiar smell.

"I've just been so excited about this," Palis explains. "I hoped you would be too. And I know you don't want kids right now, but your mum's right, neither of us have had surgery yet, so one day..."

"'Course I'm excited," he tells her, not quite sure if he's lying. "It's just, it's all—"

"A lot, I know," she finishes for him. "I'm nervous too. It's a big decision."

He nods slowly. "Can I have some—"

"Water?" she asks. "I'll go get some for you."

He had been going to say 'time to think', but Palis is already off, and now he thinks about it, she was right - his throat is rather dry.

She returns, and he sips the water gratefully, tapping his fingers against the glass until Palis tells him to stop.

"Are you ready to go back in?" she asks. "Our parents will be getting hungry."

Julian thinks about telling her he isn't, but quickly dismisses it. That would be rude.

"Okay. Yeah. Let's go, fiancée." That word, at least, is still exciting in its newness, and his mouth stumbles upon a smile before its even out of his mouth.

"I like that," she says, pulling him up form the bed and then into her. "You're mine now," she whispers in his ear, in a way that makes him really wish that their parents were not still waiting for them in the kitchen.

But they are, and although they seem to have already started on the food (Julian would bet anything that was Richard's idea), Julian and Palis can't hide in their bedroom forever. And there's still the small matter of accepting Henri's offer.

"Um, sorry about that," he says, sliding back into his seat. His mother's eyes are on him, and he looks away, knowing she's going to want to 'talk' to him later - she didn't buy his cramps excuse, either.

He turns to Palis' father, fixing his eyes on him for an excruciating few seconds. "I really appreciate what you're doing for me and Palis," he says. "It means a lot. I'd love to work with you, thank you."

His mouth has gone dry again, but Henri is standing up and holding out his hand, which means he wants Julian to shake it. In an effort he's quite proud of, Julian manages not to break eye contact until they've both sat down again. The chatter resumes, and as he reaches for his glass, he frowns at his hand, wondering why it's shaking.

Headcanon that Julian had a bunch of “relationships” as a teen with older people just to piss his parents off/to get away from them (because his gfs and bfs in their 20s would have their own place he could stay at...) and that he never really had a chance to learn what a healthy partnership looked like.

And then that Palis was emotionally abusive towards Julian, in a way that he never quite put his finger on...

And that his attraction towards Garak was in part due to the way that Garak felt dangerous to be around. Not because that was new or exciting or thrilling, but because it was familiar.

[shalom-iamcominghome]

Is it too early for me to feel jewish rage because I'm still thinking about the rededication of a shul that two members of my shul are going to. I mentioned this in the tags of a previous post, but know why it's being rededicated to the jewish community? They had to sell the shul to the catholic church. That shul has existed for over a hundred years and a significant portion of its existence has been under ownership of the catholic church. And only now is that jewish community able to buy back their own shul. Maybe it hits harder now because I am in love with my shul, maybe it's because I know how hard it is to find a shul no matter how big the city is. Maybe I just think jewish things deserve to be with jews. Maybe I'm crazy!!

I'm just upset about it. And I know this is, like, 80% of jewish history, but it still makes me feel things.