#I don't need to be told I'm feeling feelings wrong.

[mydeslexicworld]

A thing I haven't told my readers:

Every chapter I post, I give a comment goal. Especially for chapters I don't feel good about.

The goals are always something obtainable, for example I'll say "for this chapter I'd like to see 3 comments" or "for this chapter I'd like 5 comments."

I do this for 2 reasons:

1 - The obvious: helps with motivation. I can press forward with the writing and the editing because I know there are readers waiting for the next chapter.

2- have obtainable comment goals: I know not everyone who reads will engage, but those who do are meaningful. The goals are there as a stress relief. An "I made it, time to move on," marker. If I didn't have the goals, I would be sitting around asking where I went wrong, or why no one likes it?

What happens if I don't get any comments?

It sucks. Truly, it does.

Fanfics are for sharing, afterall.

This is when I ask myself another question: who am I writing this story for: me or others?

If I'm writing for myself, than ideally, comments shouldn't matter. I just dig deep and press on. There's still joy in telling the story. I'm posting because I want to share and comments are just icing on the cake.

If I'm writing for others, I'll weigh the options on whether or not my time and effort is worth continuing the project. There is a reason I'm seeking comments, usually to check if people enjoy my writing style.

Please note: This works for me and I'm not saying this is how others should act. I have just found if I wanted to keep writing my stories, I needed to place the burden less on the readers to sustain my motivation.

While I love getting comments and would like to continue to receive them. I love writing more and it is on me to keep pressing forward regardless of the engagement I receive at the end of the day.

A writer friend told me something that broke my heart a little bit today; they're going to quit publishing their fanfic.

My instant thought was that they had been trolled or attacked or that something terrible had happened in their life because this person is so passionate about their writing. It wasn't any of that. Engagement with their works has been going down, as it has for many of us. Comments are like gold dust a lot of the time, and just looking through the historical comment counts on old fics on ao3 demonstrates this trend very clearly. It was not simply the comments dropping off which caused them to decide to stop posting, however.

My friend came across a discord server for their fandom (I should point out here that their fandom interest and mine diverged a couple of years ago, we stay in touch but don't currently read each other's posts because I'm not into their fandom and they would rather gouge their eyes out with a wooden spoon than read anything Star Wars) and specifically to share fic in that fandom. They joined, because we all love a good fic rec, only to discover that their latest multichapter fic, which has almost no comments and very few kudos, is being hotly discussed in this server as one of the best stories ever. Not one of these people has bothered to say this to them on the fic. When they asked, none of participants could see the point in telling the author of the fic they apparently loved so much that they love it.

This discovery has absolutely destroyed my friend's love of sharing fic. They share because they love seeing other people's enjoyment, and fic writers do that through comments and kudos/reblogs/likes because we don't get paid. There is no literary critic writing a blog post/article about how amazing the story is for us to copy and keep/frame. There is no money from royalties. All we have are the words of the people reading our works.

Those people on that server could have taken five minutes of the time they spent gushing about how amazing my friend's story was to other people and used it to tell the one person guaranteed to want to hear that praise how much they loved it. They could have taken a moment to express their opinion to the person who spent hours upon hours plotting, writing, editing, and posting those chapters. Instead, they deprived my friend of thing that keeps them sharing their writing, and in the process have killed their love of it. My friend now feels used and unmotivated.

I won't be sharing a link to their fic, they said I could share their experience but not their identity. I know they plan to post one final chapter. I know they intend to express their hurt at being excluded from the praise for the thing they created, and I know they intend to announce that as a consequence they will not be posting for a long while, if at all.

So please, I beg you, don't hide your love of a story from the writer. It's just about the only thing we have.

[rikkiz]

Can you do Ni-ki when reader feels insecure so he makes her feel good while telling her how pretty she is?

-🐥anon

Insecurities - Nishimura Riki

You had been in a sour mood all day, and it was clear to your boyfriend that you'd been abnormally quiet the whole time you'd been hanging out. He didn't say anything at first because there were times you'd get in moods like this and then it'd simply go away but today, it didn't seem to be getting any better.

You were laying on his bed as he watched something on the TV. You were watching with him on the little couch in his room before but then suddenly got up and told him that you were going to lay down.

Riki got up and quietly went over to you, resting his hand on your shoulder as he looked down at you from where he stood. You glanced up at him.

"What's wrong, baby? Are you sick?" He asked.

"No." You murmured in response.

"Then, what's going on?" Riki questioned further.

"Nothing." You lie.

Riki sighed as he got in bed beside you, laying beside you before pulling you against him. "I know when you're lying, Y/n." He said. "Tell me what's going on."

You sighed, "I feel like shit."

"So, you do feel sick?" Riki asked.

"No." You groaned.

"Baby, I'm just trying to understand. Just tell me what you mean then?" Riki asked, trying to remain patient with you.

"I feel ugly." You said, finally being truthful and not vague with your response.

"You feel ugly?" Riki asked and you nodded. "You're nowhere near ugly. Why do you feel that way?" He wondered as his hand softly caressed your face.

"I just do." You mumbled out.

Riki's hand went down to your hip as he rubbed it softly, "I wish you knew how beautiful I find you. You're always so pretty to me, no matter what."

"Don't lie." You tell him.

"I'm not lying." He says as he gently pushes you so that you're lying flat on your back against the mattress. He then slowly got over you, holding himself up.

"What are you doing?" You asked as you looked up at him.

"Need you to know how pretty you are to me." Riki said before pressing a soft kiss on your lips and leaning back so that he could kneel between your legs. He tugged on the waistband of your pajama shorts, looking up at you, waiting for permission.

You just nodded, you kind of did this, maybe it would make you feel a bit better, you thought. He lifted your legs up and pulled your shorts and undies off before spreading your legs again.

He then scooted back a bit and leaned down, pressing soft kisses on your inner thighs. "I love you so much." He murmured against your skin as he kissed you before making his way to your core.

Riki began to place soft kisses on your pretty pussy before sliding his tongue up and down it. You were a moaning mess, but at the same time, you were on the verge of tears as you whimpered out.

Riki prodded his tongue at your entrance before focusing on the outer area, sloppily making out with your pussy at this point. Your hands were gripping the blanket as he ate you hungrily, desperate to show you how pretty he found you.

You were literally sobbing at this point, both from pleasure and being overwhelmed by your emotions. Riki didn't say anything about you sobbing because he knew you just needed to cry it out as he continued to devour your kitty.

To be honest, it didn't take long for you to be cumming all over his lips and he licked it all up, licking an extra stripe over your sensitive clit before finally pulling away, wiping his face with his hand as he watched you continue to quietly cry.

He went closer, holding himself up over you on the mattress, your legs spread, down there still bare, as he pressed his clothed crotch against you. Riki leaned in and kissed you for a few moments, neither of you caring that he literally just ate you out, before pulling back.

"You don't need to be insecure. I know you can't help it sometimes but really, I need you to know that I think you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and I'm not just saying that because you're my girlfriend. I promise, baby." Riki softly spoke. "I love you." He added.

You sniffled as you wiped your tears, "I love you too." You responded softly as you hugged him closer.

[rxzilvia]

can write something for niki x chubby reader where like it's their first time and ther reader is feeling insecure ? Sorry for asking 🥺

Naurrr, don't be sorry, genius

Insecure.. but why?

Requested?: yes

Warnings: none

It was a quiet evening and Riki just came back from practice carrying a box of tiramisu .. your favorite..

You were on your period and had a bad day at your high and he kinda figured by the long message u sent him earlier.. and the best fucking boyfriend he is.. he will cheer you up..

As he walked into the house he spoke, letting you know he arived

"Baby.. I'm home.."

You smiled and stood up from the bed and left your shared bedroom as you made your way over to him, you gave him a welcoming kiss before your eyes fell on the cake in the box

"hey love.. figured you had a bad day so I got you ca-.. what's wrong?.."

He asked, seeing your frown, you then took a deep breath before speaking

"Nini.. I'm on a diet.."

He scoffed before picking you up and walking into the kitchen

He set you down on the counter top and set the tiramisu next to you

"no the fuck you're not.."

He opened the box and took a pair of chopsticks before trying to feed it to you but you moved your head away, he gently took your chin, his stern expression softening as he spoke

"love.. you're already beautiful the way you are.. and you know that.. and I told you this before and I'll tell you again.. for people to love how you look.. you first need to love yourself.. now it this up.. for me..?"

You sighed and took a bite which made you immediately smile as tears rolled down your cheeks

"I love you.."

You mumbled out, your mouth full of food, Riki just smiled before kissing your lips

"I love you too.. my crybaby.."

[loulovingho]

I feel that maybe if some of you larger blogs had called out this weird behaviour in the last two weeks you wouldn't now need to beg people not to be creeps on Instagram. Instead, you've all just continued to follow and reblog people who have said some fully deranged stuff with zero push back from anyone else.

I find it hilarious you think I'm a "larger blog" like absolutely hilarious. If I wasn't so lazy I would go back to the hundreds of times I've said "as always, be respectful" or something similar. I'd also go back to all the times I've said "don't @ me it's a joke" when I've said things that could be taken the wrong way and I didn't want them to be AND the times I was told about the hashtags on instagram and me saying that, while I didn't see anything wrong with it, it wasn't for me.

Also, please show me all the push back that "larger buddie blogs" gave when Lou was being sent death threats, when buddies were whining about jumpscares and telling Lou he was ugly or that he deserved to have a dad that hated him, or when many of us here on tumblr who have no say in anything were being told to kill ourselves and being sent csa fics to our inboxes.

[darthpseudonym]

Honestly, I'm kind of baffled at what the original discussion here is reacting to. The intended audience exists whether you acknowledge it or not and shouldn't be a bar to any media, but knowing what it is should inform your responses to the work (or at least your criticism of it). Maybe the OP is reacting to being told their opinion on a piece of art isn't valid because they're not in the intended audience, and I can see that being annoying or even hurtful, but it's certainly true sometimes.

If you watch a cartoon intended for children, you can't (or shouldn't) be upset that the storytelling isn't subtle. "Everyone in this show says exactly what they're feeling" is not a criticism when the intended audience can't be expected to pick up on implications, but it would be valid in a show intended for teens or adults.

Some anime has a high "intended audience" bar because the way the characters act, or even what the show is about, is deeply tied up in Japanese cultural expectations. You need to have a certain amount of cultural knowledge to understand why people are acting the way they are. If you don't, it may look like they're being stupid, but it's actually because your instinctive responses are all wrong; they'd be considered brash, loud, and boorish in this context.

fuck an "intended audience" how about we normalize engaging with new and unfamiliar art pieces on their own terms

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

My Yakuza Man (Mitsuhide)

Translations may not always capture the exact nuances or tone of the original text. Expect grammatical errors and inaccuracies.

✮⋆˙ Prologue

Mitsuhide: "What's wrong? You don't seem to have much of an appetite."

Mai: "I think it's weird to eat normally in a situation like this."

Mitsuhide: "Agreed."

(Then why did you even ask!?)

Mitsuhide: "However, on that first night we met, you stood up to a group of armed men with remarkable boldness. I figured someone like you might actually eat heartily even now."

Mai: "Sorry to disappoint. But seriously, that doesn't sound like a compliment at all."

Mitsuhide: "Not true. Back then, I did say you were interesting, didn't I? That's quite a rare compliment coming from me."

Gracefully holding his knife and fork, Mitsuhide smiled at me with an air of elegance.

I could feel the occasional glances from the other women seated at nearby tables, their gazes filled with admiration.

They didn’t seem to hear the unsettling conversation, which made me sigh with relief.

(He's talking about that, isn't he?)

That night, caught in a violent conflict, I ended up yelling, 'You should value your lives' when I tried to protect a young man named Ranmaru.

Mitsuhide: "That was a good first meeting."

Mai: "It was the worst for me."

Mitsuhide: "Don't say that. Learning your name and workplace so quickly was a stroke of luck. Thanks to that, I managed to keep you from slipping away."

(I should've just removed my ID back then!)

It was too late to regret it now.

Having had my identity pinned down, I found myself at the mercy of Mitsuhide. 

Under the guise of a date (blackmail), I ended up being dragged to this fancy restaurant.

Mai: "Um, you really don't need to threaten me into silence. I swear I won't tell anyone about what I saw that day."

Mitsuhide: "Silence you? That's an odd thing to say. What exactly did you see?"

Mai: "You know, um, possession of unauthorized firearms and swords?"

Even though I knew no one around could hear us, the topic was sensitive enough that I instinctively leaned in and whispered.

At this, he slightly narrowed his eyes as if holding back laughter before exaggeratedly raising his eyebrow.

Mitsuhide: "Oh dear. You've witnessed something amusing, haven't you, Mai?"

His teasing tone was lighthearted and annoyingly smooth.

(Ugh, it’s like nothing I say bothers him at all!)

(If this isn't about silencing me, then why is he involving himself with an ordinary office worker like me?)

Mai: "You really don't want me saying anything, do you?"

Frustrated, I tried to test the waters, but his perfectly composed face didn't flinch in the slightest.

Mitsuhide: "If that's what you want to believe, I won't stop you. But it's a bit sad."

Mitsuhide: "All I've done is genuinely invite someone I'm interested in for a meal."

Mai: "Y-You're so full of it!"

Mitsuhide: "What would it take for me to earn your trust?"

His evasiveness, paired with words that almost sounded like flirtation, was starting to confuse me.

Unable to read his intentions, I could only stiffen in frustration. Seeing this, Mitsuhide chuckled softly before saying something completely unexpected.

Mitsuhide: "Do you eat meat?"

Mai: "Huh, meat? Uh, yeah, I guess."

Mitsuhide: "Then try this. I've heard good things about the food here."

Cutting the dish into a refined, bite-sized piece, Mitsuhide held the fork up to my mouth.

(Wait, is this a 'say ahh' situation!?)

Mitsuhide: "Truth be told, I don't really care about food. As long as it fills me up, that's good enough for me."

Mai: "Huh?"

(This guy has perfect table manners, but his way of thinking is like that of a warlord.)

Mitsuhide: "But that wouldn't satisfy the chef, would it? So, instead, I'd like you to enjoy it."

Mai: "This is ridiculous. If that's the case, then why did you even invite me to a restaurant?"

Mitsuhide: "I figured you'd find it harder to make a scene in a crowded place. Plus, I wanted to see that kind of expression from you."

Mitsuhide: "Come on. Give up and open those stubborn lips of yours. You don't want me to force it open, do you?"

Mai: "………"

(This is already forceful enough.)

Even as I thought this, his voice, laced with a seductive tone, caught me off guard, making my heart skip a beat.

Mitsuhide: "I'm going to touch your lips."

Mai: "Mmm."

As he brought the fork closer, I had no choice but to surrender and open my lips.

The meat touched my tongue. I gently bit it down, feeling the hard touch of the fork.

Mitsuhide: "Good girl."

(Please don't smile so beautifully like that.)

He watched me quietly as I ate, pleased with my compliance, and finally withdrew the fork.

I felt an overwhelming embarrassment as if I had been forced into doing something shameful, and my cheeks burned with heat.

Mai: "I really don't get it. I have no idea what you want from me."

Mitsuhide: "I'm flattered that you're thinking about me."

Mai: "Stop joking around."

Mitsuhide: "I just wanted to know more about you. It'll be useful for the future."

His words felt loaded with meaning, making me feel uneasy and restless.

But at that moment, his gaze suddenly turned cold.

Mitsuhide: "It seems I have some guests."

Mai: "Huh?"

Man 1: "There he is! Mitsuhide Akechi of the Azuchi clan!"

Man 2: "Don't let him escape!"

Mitsuhide: "Fighting here would be uncouth. Mai, stand up."

Mai: "What!?"

He didn't even flinch when the men pointed at us and charged toward our table. He calmly stood up and, almost as if escorting me, elegantly wrapped his arm around my waist.

Mitsuhide: "You'll accompany me on this little escape, won't you?"

(----!)

He whispered into my ear with an almost playful tone, and it hit me again that this man was unlike any ordinary person.

(This guy is way too dangerous!)

Even as I realized this, I couldn't resist and found myself running alongside him.

[shecriestotheclickingoftime]

favorite fandom writers 1 2 3 GOOOOO

ok i think i almost went insane trying to answer this question but i was also hoping that someone would ask bc i could yap about this forever!!

my list (also w specific fic recs) in no particular order:

@tinytennisskirt 's fics are some of the first i read in this fandom, and omg they're all just too good. i got into their fics back when i was an art girlie (and before i even started actually posting on here) and omg cottage culture changed my brain chemistry. and also same with kiss me. and then for patrick fics those three words is also just so so good.

@egcdeath i originally knew from reading their fics on ao3 before i even started this account (i'm new to being in tumbler fandoms but a very longtime ao3 user). she isn't active anymore but it would feel wrong to not mention them in this post. their fic off the beaten path. i read it on ao3 so long ago but i must admit that somehow it still lives in my mind rent free... like genuinely there are specific scenes that i still replay in my head at night when im trying to fall asleep.

@fruitjoos also needed to be on this list!! their fic serving up suds is one of my favs, it's so cute and so fun and also just so well written. also her fic homesick is new, but i've already found myself revisiting it multiple times for comfort. im always on the edge of my seat to see what she's gonna post next, because i already know that it's gonna be so good.

@grimsonandclover is an amazing mutual of mine now, but i also knew originally from ao3, and read their fics long before i ever talked to them (i don't think i've ever told them that though oops). they wrote the fic you & i as a gift for me and the kindness of them doing that still sticks with me, and also that fic is just amazing.

@diyasgarden 's prose in her writing is genuinely unmatched. she has a way of understanding characters so deeply. and this is very clear in her writing - she is able to write these characters in such an honest way that it's heart-shattering and beautiful, with language that's so so gorgeous. this isn't even a full fic, but her work about patrick tht was based off of anything by adrianne lenker actually made me sit for a second and process bc it was just so good. i have to mention she also has amazing taste in literature (which makes a lot of sense based on her writing), i will forever treasure our 2-person oomf book club.

@amymbona was also one of the first people who i followed on here, before i even started posting, and her stories are so good. both her AUs and blurbs are so good, and going through her masterlist is like discovering a box of treasures. i still revisit the list, finding new things to read and scenarios to imagine, and my sadness and boredom is instantly cured.

OKKKKKKK that's the list!! sorry that this list is so long and specific, but im a yapper at heart and i needed to speak!! i basically ended up writing this instead of my history essay that i was going to write... but writing this was just too necessary. also if any of these writers read this, sorry if this is weird 😭😭 

[thebisexualdogdad]

Hung!R and Lucy are hiking along and R touches some weird plant or bitten by a weird animal, and it makes R painfully erect and bigger than normal. Lucy has to help relieve R by making him cum several times, maybe with some special cure (that's basically lotion she has to rub on his dick)

Lucy maclean x male reader

“Are you sure we aren't lost?” You ask Lucy who's confidently walking ahead of you through the forest.

“Y/N I told you I know exactly where I'm going,” she says over her shoulder.

“Are you sure? I'm pretty sure we passed this tree an hour ago,” you reply, seeing a tree with a mark carved into it that you recognized from before.

“Come on mister downer, this way,” she says pushing apart a bush taking you to a new path.

“Ow! What the hell was that!” You yell when you step through the bush, gripping your arm when you feel something cut your skin.

Lucy immediately stops and inspects your arm, a little blood dripping from it, “looks like that spiky plant cut you, you'll be okay.”

She pulls her first aid kit out of her backpack and quickly cleans you up so you can continue on your journey.

It's been maybe half an hour since you were cut and your body was starting to tingle in a way you didn't understand.

“Can we stop for a minute? I'm not feeling so good,” you say and when Lucy turns around she sees something unexpected.

“Oh my gosh,” she blurts out, staring at the lower half of your body.

“What? What's wrong?” You say panicking and looking down not knowing what to expect but then you see it too, an erection creating a huge bulge in your pants.

You cover yourself with your hands not sure why this is happening or why you didn't feel yourself getting hard.

“Are you okay Y/N?” Lucy asks.

“I-I didn't mean too I swear,” you tell her, “I think it was that stupid plant!”

“How did that plant give you an erection?” She giggles.

“I don't know it must have been mutated or something but it hurts,” you say as your erection grows more painful.

“Do you want me to take care of it for you?”

“How? I don't think there's anything in your first aid kit for this.”

“Like this,” she grins, sinking down to her knees in front of you.

Your eyes go wide as she undoes your pants, taking your rock hard cock out, sure you've had sex with her a few times but you were right out in the open now, vulnerable to whoever or whatever passed by.

“Golly it's even bigger than before,” she says wrapping her hand around it and stroking you.

You instantly feel some relief from her touch and let out a low groan.

“Is this helping?” She smiles.

“God yes,” you grunt.

Lucy moves her hand slowly up and down your cock, feeling it throb in her palm.

You can't help the moan that comes out when she takes you in her mouth, this she had never done before.

“Oh fuck Lucy,” you say tangling your hand in her hair as she sloppily bobs her head along your cock.

Eventually she finds a nice steady movement with her hand gripping the base of your cock.

You moan when you cum in her mouth, Lucy doing her best to swallow but has to spit some of it out when she frees you from her lips.

“That was fun,” she chuckles, wiping away some cum dribbling down her chin with the sleeve of her jumpsuit, “do you feel better?”

You look down to see your cock is still incredibly hard and huff in frustration, “why didn't that work?”

“Maybe you need to ejaculate again? Would you like to have sex?” She says unzipping her jump suit to reveal her bra.

You eagerly nod and look around at your surroundings, “over here,” you say taking her hand and guiding her to a nearby tree that you can push her up against and kiss her deeply.

She shrugs her jumpsuit off her shoulders, pushing it down her waist and around her ankles while you kiss and nip at her neck.

It's an awkward angle but when your pants hit the ground you ease your cock inside her, Lucy moaning as you start thrusting your hips with the tree bark scratching at her back.

You soon cum a second time but you're still fully erect so you just keep thrusting, Lucy grasping at your shoulders as she whimpers and sighs.

You palm at her chest over her bra, Lucy reaching a hand down to rub at her clit.

Hitting the right spot inside her she cums around your cock, moaning loudly.

Hearing her sweet moans takes you over the edge for the third time as you ride out your highs together.

This time you finally feel your cock begin to soften, pulling out of her to find you're now flaccid.

“Oh thank God, I don't think I could take anymore,” you say totally out of breath.

“Me too, I'm starving,” Lucy chuckles, pulling her jumpsuit back on.

You stuff your cock back in your pants, “the sun is going to set soon, we should find somewhere to set up camp for the night and I'll make dinner.”

“Sounds good, just don't go touching any plants okay,” she teases.

[itwasntimethatdidit40]

Wip Wednesday Thursday

Thank you so much for the tag @milla-frenchy, everyone go read her first Acacius Wip, it sounds so good 🥰

I don't know when they'll be ready but I'm working on two things right now.

I started my first Dave York fic yesterday, here’s a little sneak peek but I need to write so much more:

You see him walk out every morning, perfectly shaved, combed, shirt and pants perfectly pressed, tie understated and elegant, shiny shoes on which not a speck of dust ever seems to have settled. Dave is composed, precise, neat almost in a manic way in his appearance. You've always wondered what's underneath, watching him from your window, sipping coffee and getting ready for another day's work. It has become something of a ritual, watching him walk out of his perfect house, with a perfect garden, get into his perfect car with a thermos of coffee prepared by Carol, his briefcase, as he arranges everything neatly in the car, the coffee in the glove compartment, the briefcase on the passenger seat, it's always the same, never a spot, a snag. Interacting with him in the past has always confirmed to you how cold and calculated everything is about him, he seems to be in control of even his micro expressions, and nothing has ever passed on his face that could make you understand anything more about him.

You see him out early Sunday morning for a run, black sweatpants and white T-shirt, then mowing the lawn, at lunchtime you catch a glimpse of him sitting at the table with his family as Carol serves another meal that looks like it came out of a starred restaurant kitchen. She, too, is similar in some ways. And his daughters? Polite, respectful, always adorably dressed, little princesses of manners. But it is he, above all, who arouses your interest. There is something about him that draws you inexplicably, curiosity to find out if he has some flaw, if there is something that stirs him inside.

Second one is a dead dove with Joel, extremely hard to write but I still want to try my best:

Tall, dark hair, eyes as black as night, a slight beard on his perfectly chiseled face, prominent nose, a dimple that opens on his cheek when he smiles. He checks all the boxes on your list.

His deep, mellifluous voice convinces your altered mind that there is nothing wrong with secluding yourself with him-when does it happen again that someone so perfect talks to you?

The awkward, insecure, never enough you. The girl who was bullied all her teenage years, called ugly and fat, the girl who was told no one would ever fuck her.

Not true, you want to scream.

It's not true, I can be seen too.

Me too, even if you see your ungainly and unattractive body.

Me too, even if you are convinced that there is something deeply wrong with the way you look. Me too, even if I don't believe it either.

So you go out with this guy, who takes you to an alley near the disco.

He chose you. And he is beautiful in an impossible way. And you feel like the universe has finally provided something for you, something enticing, something that makes you feel alive.

Sure, this alley is dark and dirty and inhospitable, but so what.

Happy Thursday everyone!

npt: @almostempty @baronessvonglitter @cas-readsandwrites @aurorawritestoescape @mountainsandmayhem @thundermartini @whocaresstillthelouvre @syd-djarin

[crownmemes]

I Have my Orders Sentences

(Sentences from muses who give or who have been given orders, whether they've followed them or not. Adjust phrasing where needed)

"Are you refusing a direct order?"

"Never presume to understand what I want."

"Feelings don't matter any more than right or wrong. Orders are what matter."

"It's hard for me not to follow orders."

"I'm a monster. What I do is evil - I have no illusions about it, but it must be done."

"You're not supposed to understand. You're supposed to follow orders."

"Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what's right."

"I do as I'm told. I don't question it."

"I'm just following orders."

"You have no rights, only orders to be carried out."

"I don't take orders from you."

"I did as I was told, as always."

"I expect more from you than the polite appearance of cooperation."

"No. No, you don't talk, okay? You just do as you're told."

"Do I make myself clear?"

"I was doing my duty. I was carrying out orders."

"I'm ordering you not to do this!"

"I have my orders, and the licence to execute them as I see fit."

"I need to know that whatever I ask you to do, no matter how distasteful you find it, you’ll do it."

"Do you really believe that? Are you willing to die for that belief?"

"Your reputation won't last if you don't do your job!"

"With all due respect, I think you overestimate your position in the chain of command."

"You disobeyed a direct order. What's going on?"

"I may have to comply with this order, but I don't have to like it."

"Don't make me order you."

[oddlydrawnfriend]

Considering how 911 has forgiven every terrible parent of the main characters, not forgiving Eddie who has devoted his entire life to Christopher since he was born would be absolutely ridiculous. Like Buck's whole speech to Chris on why to forgive Eddie is him forgiving his own parents who drove him to self-harm to gain attention? Which is way worse than what Eddie did. We've been told time and time again how much Eddie's parents messed him up in canon, and now suddenly they are the more 'stable' choice to parent a kid?

Another point if we continue with Eddie losing Chris is it would reinforce the very harmful lie that Eddie thinks: he cannot have joy, forgiveness, and identity outside of his son.

The blowout with Kim only happens once Eddie tries to find closure with Shannon in a very messed up form on non-consensual therapy. Eddie recognized what he was doing wrong and tried putting a stop to it. He was not going to go to Kim again after telling her about Shannon. But once he finds some sort of closure, he is punished harshly by his son walking in and then walking out of his life, making his worst nightmare come true.

He finds forgiveness with the help of the priest and joy in a very very long time? The newest clip seems to punish him immediately with now Chris might not even come back.

CHRIS'S POV

Even from Chris's POV, it doesn't make sense that somehow both the Diaz grandparents suddenly gained emotional intelligence and maturity to raise Chris in a healthy environment to get over his trauma when they couldn't do that for more than 30 years?! Chris is avoiding, I doubt he is getting therapy there to deal with it. It was traumatic and he is valid for being mad but staying mad is hurting him. Eddie's whole arc and issue stem from the toxic masculinity that he needed to unlearn which makes him the king of repression. You know who caused a silly goofy man (Eddie at his core is very silly and is forced to be serious) to repress? His parents who are now somehow better options to deal with Chris's complicated emotions?

They think Chris loves the water, but they don't know the enormous work Eddie did to help Chris get over the tsunami. Chris breaks down during COVID because he misses Carla and his friends which dredges up his abandonment issues? They don't know that it was Buck who supported him through it and how Eddie adjusted his relationship with Ana to make him more comfortable. They don't know that Eddie quit the job he loved so Chris wouldn't be scared of losing him. They don't know how scared Chris was when Eddie got shot. We often focus on how Buck broke down and how Chris hugs him but Chris is breaking down with him together.

THE WILL (DISREGARDING ROMANCE)

Eddie's not stupid. He didn't put Buck instead of his parents in his will out of spite. Because really when it comes down to it, Buck was the best option for the will in canon. In the very beginning, we were told Tia Pepa and Abuela can't take care of Chris full time (thus, Carla). But Carla is paid for her job, she won't be on the will. Eddie has no other family in LA and we don't know how his situation is with his sisters. However, considering canon implies then to be younger (thus his parentification), Eddie would consider them too young (subjective) to raise his son. None of the 118 is as involved with Chris as Buck is. In fact, a big reason is the fact that is that Buck allows the Diaz boys a safe space which Eddie was not allowed to have growing up.

Buck has respected Chris's autonomy (admires it even- canon from s2), supports and listens to him without making him feel bad, expresses his emotions and finds ways to support him (like finding equine therapy, accessible skateboard) and respects his decision even if he doesn't like it (going to Texas). And I'm not saying because of Buddie or anything. Even if they remain platonic co-parents (co-parenting as described by Oliver Stark and Ryan Guzman), they serve as parallels to things Eddie wouldn't have gotten from his parents if he was in Chris's position.

Eddie was forced to manage his mother's emotions while his father was absent. Chris has a dead/absent mother but never has he had to manage Eddie's emotions. When Eddie has a mental breakdown, he calls Buck and is told to focus on his own healing (equine therapy). Time and time again, Eddie has said that his problems are not on Chris to help.

When Chris wakes up crying from a nightmare about the tsunami, Eddie gets him help and never criticizes him. What do you think happened when Eddie would wake up from his own nightmares after being discharged from the army? He was living with his parents, Shanon and baby Chris, there's no way his parents didn't know about it. We have proof in canon that Eddie never received any help and Shannon was at the end of her rope until she abandoned him. All his parents did was fight him for custody and applaud him for almost dying (aka silver star).

POSSIBLE FIX

One way to maybe fix this is by working with the theme of Eddie reclaiming his agency. If he goes to Texas to fight for his son, to have that communication, group therapy even, letting Chris know he is working on making himself better and that Chris needs to confront his issues and how running away and not feeling with grief is how the Kim situation happened in the first place.

Or, I understand that Gavin McHugh might want to take a break and return to the show except a few scenes. We can give him the Denny or May Grant treatment, where they are there but we don't see them anymore, just referenced. Like have a video call saying he wants to come back, show Eddie ecstatic and ready to hug someone at the airport, fade to black, and next time we can have Eddie on cloud nine but also scared of losing Chris again.

TLDR; It's unfair to punish Eddie when every main character's terrible parent has been forgiven and reinforces the idea that he isn't allowed to have joy, forgiveness and identity outside of Chris. Keeping Chris with his parents implies they are a better choice when they're the reason Eddie has these issues. There are better ways to handle the situation while minimizing Gavin's screen time.

[squid--inc]

....

[thepersonperson]

I can’t believe we got an infodump on simple domains AGAIN over a Sukuna backstory.

More complaining under the cut.

Usually I am one to give Gege the benefit of the doubt and will read heavily into what little information we are given. But I can't defend this chapter themes or character wise.

Even if this turns out to be a fakeout, going in painstaking detail over a show-not-tell battle in a way that lacks characterization and heartfelt emotion sucks to read. Even if the new shadow style and simple domain debacle goes somewhere, having it the main focus after an extremely traumatic battle instead of characters processing their emotions sucks to read. Even if Gojo is alive and that's why they're this chipper, everyone ignoring his sacrifice and efforts along with Choso's sucks to read.

I'm happy Yuta and Higuruma are alive but why was their revival off-screened? Yuta was so defensive over Gojo and everyone treating him like an object just 8 chapters ago. What happened to that? Why is everyone treating this battle like it was no big deal? (Also why the fudge did Kusakabe tell Yuji, a 15 year old, to his face he should've been killed while disparaging Gojo for protecting the life of a child???)

After the Shibuya Incident, there was a whole segment dedicated to how this affected the average person. The Culling Games ended and there are still bloodthirsty freaks running around. What happened to them? Is Angel hunting them down and that's why Hana is missing? Infodumping on anything except the battle would've been better.

I doubt we'll get any more info on Sukuna, Kenjaku, and Tengen at this point. We'll be lucky if there's a funeral for even Geto's body. Shoko was absent this entire chapter which makes me thing she's still trying to save Gojo or she's preparing their bodies for a funeral.

Anyways. This is the worst JJK chapter for me hands down. My hopes for the final 2 are mostly dashed. Crunch and poor working conditions really do ruin art my goodness.

[dayxero]

Alright.... I gotta get this off my chest here because I've been pondering this for a while. A small fraction of a MUCH greater rant but... fucking hell am I addicted to @aychama's art. Like on a oddly surreal level. I absolutely adore the portrayal of these two together and the tension and atmosphere always gets me more giddy than a japanese school girl!

However... this comes with one major issue I personally have and know its 100% opinionated and biased. Ain't trying to hurt anyone's feelings but if anyone wants to disagree with or block me if you follow this stupid, idiotic tirade of mine, feel free. I understand and take full responsibility for what I'm about to say...

Ok here goes; aychama has done such an amazing job selling me on the fact that these two are damaged souls, seeking love, understanding and connection, that I get the feeling once The Betrayal occurs, I won't be satisfied in the slightest. It goes back to how in all honesty, I am annoyed with how the majority of the fanbase collective agrees that Narinder is a liar and is morally, evil, despite every aspect of the game subtly going out of its way to prove the opposite and its in fact just the Bishops and later, the Lamb "Player" who are the ones who are evil, and Narinder is a victim of his own hubris. This is one of the reasons why I aggravated towards aychama's portrayal of Narinder so much because he's almost 1-to-1 lined with his representation in the game. He has his own goals and mostly keeps to himself. He's searching for a way to bypass Death to grant not just himself, but everyone he knows true immortality and he hasn't told a single lie to Lambert or anyone he's spoken to.

Aychama's Narinder has yet to preform any acts worthy of being called evil and beyond the spouted opinions of those who envy the Kings, Narinder hasn't done anything wrong. In fact, he seems to be extremely lonely and focused, knowing he's walking a path many will not accept, but is choosing to do so for a reason beyond just a desire to subjugate others for personal pleasure. This lines up perfectly with the game, and especially the DLC where Shamura admits he led the Bishops to attack and bind Narinder, because he was afraid if Narinder granted mortals immortality, mortals would feel no need to rely on their Gods and thus, they would lose power and control. They feared that Narinder was going to take those who prayed to him, and eliminate their greatest fears, thus setting them free from Cosmic Law.

That doesn't sound like Narinder was ever evil to begin with and again, its why if Lambert does betray Narinder, I don't think I'll be satisfied, given how their relationship is developing. I know both are currently wearing masks to hide their true goals, disguising their intentions yet are still desperately reaching out for the other and knowing Narinder isn't, or hasn't been shown to be evil, means that despite Lamb supposedly being the protagonist and "hero", would be committing an evil act be it of corruption of power, or for the sake of their own pride and therefore, makes it hard for me to even begin to root for their success. They would be actively killing or enslaving the only person who ever treated them like a person of equal merit, who took time to see them for who they are, and didn't use their vulnerability against them, for wholly selfish reasons that wouldn't gel well with my brain.

Long-Winded, I know but it basically comes down to the idea that, unless aychama goes out of their way to make Narinder comically evil, or have Lambert corrupted so thoroughly that they become everything they hated about the Ruling Class, I can't see the betrayal actually happening. And even then, if and when it does, I get the feeling it won't hit hard because one or both would have to drift so far beyond their current characterizations that they would feel unrecognizable. Of course I can admit that I might be 100% wrong here. For all I know, aychama might pull some awesome plot twist outta their ass and just get me right in the feels or pull a bait-and-switch and go full AU with their own desired outcome or ending that they're holding onto. Either way...... this is probably my second favorite version of the NariLamb pairing because I love how raw, sensual and passionate it feels. I'm a sucker for two broken people desperately relying on each other and giving up everything to maintain that love and connection. I just hope that whatever ending they have planned, won't leave an empty feeling on the series because I'm drooling over this couple like a fat kid at a candy store and it never fails to leave me thirsty for more god damnit! lol

You guys know how it’s said that cats purr heals? Yea…

[deoidesign]

.

[shalom-iamcominghome]

Is it too early for me to feel jewish rage because I'm still thinking about the rededication of a shul that two members of my shul are going to. I mentioned this in the tags of a previous post, but know why it's being rededicated to the jewish community? They had to sell the shul to the catholic church. That shul has existed for over a hundred years and a significant portion of its existence has been under ownership of the catholic church. And only now is that jewish community able to buy back their own shul. Maybe it hits harder now because I am in love with my shul, maybe it's because I know how hard it is to find a shul no matter how big the city is. Maybe I just think jewish things deserve to be with jews. Maybe I'm crazy!!

I'm just upset about it. And I know this is, like, 80% of jewish history, but it still makes me feel things.