#I don't need a fucking liferaft

[change-the-rules]

im so fucking tired of digging myself out of depression holes, i dont know how much longer i can do this

and it's just so many things that are simple and easy turn into these stupid monstrous problems when you fucking earnestly swear you'll do it in half an hour, 2 hours, tomorrow and now i'm in my 30's still trying to fix shit that went south LITERALLY half my life ago

[imhereformr]

S1 E22: Storming Cloud Tower

The way Stella said Knut 😂😂😂

Stella calling Knut a liferaft 💀💀

They can't overpower Icy Darcy and Stormy by themselves. Now normally I would point out that there's a whole ass school of the guys, but there's only 200 of them

MY BABY 🥺🥺🥺😍😍😍

Darcy really wins the award for worst ex girlfriend.

You have shown poor judgment Griffin. That hair and makeup, for example.

The fact that Riven doesnt just run for it, but wants to break Griffin out is the best s1 proof of him being a genuinely good person.

So in the comics, Musa has a heart palpitation when Riven jumps out of Cloud Tower. In the show, it's Sky. Interesting.

Also I love that Riven decided that if he was gonna die here, he was dying on his terms.

Sky: Only a total lunatic would go to Cloud Tower right now. Bloom: thas meeee 🤪 (and also you)

I like Tecna's 4kids answer to "are you crying" better. It's just that your chances of survival are so low is so much funnier than no it's dust

We'll defend it. Saladin you fucking liar. We all know you and Faragonda don't fucking help.

Codatorta just punched that thing. And he did it to save a duckling and a bunny. A true hero.

Why did they need Knut to guide them? They already used these tunnels to get to Cloud Tower....

FOURTEEN DEATH TRAPS. fourTEEN? I know this is a pretty specific reference, but to anyone who may live in Quebec or French speaking parts of Canada (or the world, but I don't think these would have made it this far): do you remember têtes a claques? There's one that lives rent free in my head, but only for this specific line... Pas 1, pas 2, pas 3, mais 14! Willi Waller 2006. Actually realising how old that reference is makes me realise that there's definitely no one here that will know it... Anyways, if you understand French, go watch some têtes a claques. A Willi Waller 2006 was a potato peeler btw. Anyways, now that I've adequately dated myself, back to the show.

What were you saying about being unable to defend yourself? You just charged at garbage spiders without a second thought. (Again, proof that Bloom has no sense of self preservation)

Riven sounded so offended when he said what. Rightfully so.

Knut found the right tunnel? When did he find the time?

[angelicamerlinbarnes]

TUA DISNEY AUs: The Little Mermaid (Pt. IX)

(please understand that by AU, I mean they share an incredibly small amount of things in common with the original source material which I barely remember BUT the “story” takes place in the setting of the film) (not to be misleading or anything :p)

(BEWARE: murder, war, i don't fuckin' know, etc.)

(If you can handle watching Umbrella Academy, this will be fine for you.)

(Ariel) Klaus prefers the human world to the ocean. Mostly because the humans have chocolate that isn’t filled with salted caramel. Anyway. Not the point. There’s this beautiful human Diego who wanders the beaches every day with Prince Eudora (a girl who prefers the term prince), and Klaus has been trying to set them up for months. Until suddenly he succeeds and realizes he can’t stop thinking about what Diego’s mouth tastes like. Fuck.

(Eric) Eudora has a dog named Beaman, and really doesn’t want to get married. She’s going to be king of her homelands one day, and she doesn’t need a partner to distract her. But Klaus keeps trying to set her up with Diego, and he seems rather oblivious to his own feelings for the failed knight, so she thinks, What the hell? A couple of fake dates to make her best friend get his head out of his ass doesn’t seem too bad.

(Triton) Reginald has ruled Atlantis with an iron fist ever since his wife was killed. Grace was the light of his life, and without her, life has lost its meaning. He knows his people are miserable, but he really couldn’t care less.

(Ursula) The Handler is just doing business. A girl’s gotta make a living, you know? Sure, she’s got a lot of screaming merpeople in her dungeons who couldn’t pay her back, but that’s just a good refund policy, darling!

Hazel is an angelfish and Cha-Cha is a clownfish and they both work for the Handler. Their job is to keep Prince Klaus in line so the Handler can have her way to Atlantis’ throne through the royal family’s supposedly “weakest” link. This backfires, obviously, because Klaus is far smarter than he seems. And also Hazel falls in love with a pufferfish named Agnes who hangs out by the docks to eat the food the humans drop in the ocean. She’s got this idea for a snack shaped like a liferaft called a donut. Hazel thinks it’s brilliant. Cha-Cha is contemplating murder.

Five is the king of the sharks. He ran away from the palace when he was thirteen, and has been ruling over the sharks ever since. Even though he’s a merman, he’s tamed them, and one named Dolores is his second-in-command. Because of this, everyone is terrified of Five - but all he wants is to kill the Handler, who cursed all these poor winged folk into sharks for being unable to pay her for their wishes.

Luther lives on land, but as a lowly servant in the palace. He’s terrified of the ocean, but feels called to it somehow - as if there’s a place out there for him. He really can’t say why. He also can’t say he’s too eager to find out.

Ben died in a shipwreck on the rocks by the lighthouse when they were younger. His death is the reason Reginald banned all contact with humans, which Ben finds incredibly annoying since he used to talk with different humans all the time. He’s practically the reason those myths exist. Klaus can see his ghost and constantly visits the shipwreck graveyard to see him, the two of them closer with each other than anyone else.

Allison’s just about done with this shit. She’s on the verge of inheriting her throne, but the stupid stuffy council of her otherwise awesome kingdom wants her to be married before she takes over. Though she’s pissed, she rides to meet the guy just to appease him - a king named Ray. However, he’s… magical, and has these beautiful twinkling eyes. He’s the spiritual leader of a kingdom of nymphs, and Allison is absolutely ready to marry this dude when she meets Luther, one of the baking servants from the palace, and she falls. She falls hard.

Vanya is an outcast for having octopus tentacles like the Handler instead of a tail like all the other merpeople. Klaus tries to include her in his adventures, but he can only do so much as the “useless” human-crazy prince. So Vanya finds solace in the arms of the goddess Sissy, who’s been trapped on a hidden island since her son was turned to seafoam by an angry god named Carl. But Vanya’s got trouble coming - she makes a deal with a sleazy eel named Leonard to free Sissy, but it backfires. Badly. And now Vanya’s gonna be the cause of a human-merfolk war that will wipe the losing species to extinction. Fuck.

Grace was Reginald’s beloved queen. When Ben died, she went mad with grief, her body eventually succumbing to her pain. They still pray to her as a patron goddess, but Reginald became cold and merciless in his rule, now practically begging to be assassinated. It makes Grace sad. But maybe it’s for the best.

Diego can hold his breath forever. He knows this, because he was in a shipwreck in which everyone on board died, and Diego was underwater for seven minutes completely fine. When he finally resurfaced, he held a dying merman in his arms as he bled out from the mast through his chest, learning the merman’s name was Ben. Diego doesn’t understand how he can live like that - he’s a human! He’s training to be a knight! So why can he “breathe” underwater?

Pogo lives alone on a very small like the size of a bed island and meditates dressed only in a tunic diaper and if you talk to him he’ll just give you advice you don’t want.

Eudora gets all the way to the altar with Diego. But Klaus is one stubborn motherfucker, so he climbs up onto the deck even with his tail and drags Diego down into a furiously dirty kiss in front of all the guests. Eudora is the only one cheering. She’s fine with that. And then Lila comes crawling down the aisle, dragged by Eudora’s fluffy dog Beaman, and suddenly Eudora has a princess all her own.

Five sets out to burn all the Handler’s goddamn contracts, freeing all of her victims. He has to pay the price for every deal, but he takes it, knowing it’ll be enough if his subjects are free. He’s watching all his sharks once again learn to fly when suddenly a girl with bright blue eyes and freckles and wavy auburn hair in a white dress with gold jewelry is standing next to him. She smiles, unable to speak but signing with her hands, and he watches as Dolores rids him of the shackles of his tail and pulls forth his wings free from their bony chains, launching into the sky. He tugs his friend close to him and they live happily together, though Five often touches the water to win back his tail and visit his family for awhile.

Lila becomes human and she and Eudora smuggle a ship out of port in the middle of the night and become kickass pirates. Lila dresses in the whole Jack Sparrow aesthetic (a good friend of hers actually, though he always cheats wins at poker) and Eudora dresses as a captain so as to thieve more easily. Lila calls Eudora love and wears eyeliner and Eudora shaves half her head and gets a bunch of tattoos and they’re both extremely happy together.

Vanya lives on the island with Sissy, and killing Leonard replaces the sacrifice of Harlan, who returns to them. Five often visits with Dolores, and Diego and Klaus will hang by the rocks when they can with Ben. It’s more difficult, but Allison and Luther try to come by ship when possible.

The Handler kills Reginald and takes over Atlantis and Five comes to get Klaus on the wedding ship so they can win their home back. Diego follows Klaus into the water and helps lead the attack that wins them back Atlantis. He’s able to kill the Handler with a magical sword gifted to him by Grace, who tells him in front of every Atlantic citizen that he is her son with a human, making him half-merman and half-human. She explains that he is the rightful king of Atlantis, and the one who is going to bring the human and mer worlds back together. Diego is terrified, but accepts the honor, and he and Klaus are married in a beautiful ceremony and rule Atlantis side by side, visiting the human world almost every week.

And everyone lived Happily Ever After but in a way more interesting way than in the original movie because fuck that shit.

TAIL COLORS (if y'all are interested):

Diego: black and grey and white and red with shark fins

Klaus: turquoise and violet Ariel style and shimmery

Five: dark blue and grey with the tiniest touches of white with shark fins

Ben: deep rich dark purple with the slightest black and grey and white tints along the edges and ends

Vanya: black and grey and purple and bluish-white (octopus)

Lila: bubblegum pink

Reginald: metallic silvery grey but on the darker side

Grace: soft lavender and pink and white

The Handler: dark purples and blues and black and grey (squid, there’s like sleepy ink and everything)