#I don't know what the issue even is. I don't know what mental illness I have. I thought it was bpd but what if it isn't

[leandra-kinard]

I'm in no way invalidating this post, as I assume it's US-centric. But it's a stark reminder how vastly different the work cultures are there and in Germany where I live and work.

Yes, you don't have to tell your boss everything, and in some instances it's a good idea to say less, but if you have any kind of long-term illness or condition, it actually is a good idea to talk about it with your boss (and HR + the work's council, if you have one). Good employers in Germany will then do their best to accommodate for your needs so they can keep you and make things work out for you. They tend to have a more long-term mindset where they want to help the employee get better or find better ways to be a happy (and yes, with that productive) employee.

That's not always the case either; especially internationally operating corporations here are a bit more cut-throat, so it's a good thing to know the company's mindset well, but it's a tendency.

Also, there are actual laws that prohibit them from firing you for something like that. There are limits, for example if you're actually sick (off work) for too long repeatedly with no prospect of improvement that can be a just cause for termination, but the employer has the duty of proof in that instance. If they cannot prove that your absences are too detrimental to the company's well-being for them to tolerate it, you can sue for reinstatement or damages.

At my current company, I've been immensely lucky, because even for German standards the mentality there is extraordinarily understanding and supportive. When I told my boss that I was burned out and had to take a week or two off (on fully paid sick leave, mind you), he said "Two weeks might not be enough. Take as long as you need." So I took four.

I was in the process of switching departments, so I had a conversation with my next boss too and asked if I could work from home completely for a while. He seemed very understanding, and I then told him the whole story - because he also needed to have some kind of prospect and know how long it was gonna take etc - so I said I was in the process of being diagnosed for ADHD and that I just couldn't manage also having to go into the office.

Now that I have the diagnosis and will soon hopefully get my meds, there's that prospect, and we said for now, I was gonna come in one day a week (usually 2 is mandatory) for a while until I feel ready to be there two days again.

That was only possible because I explained what was going on with me; the transparency also gave the employer a positive outlook and a feeling of trust, and when your company's mentality is built on those kinds of values, it makes for a million times more pleasant AND productive working environment. I mean, just by how this all was handled I do feel very loyal to my company now. (I'd be stupid to leave, frankly, lol).

And from many other cases I know how they reacted too. A colleague had to stay at home because she had pregnancy complications - no problem. Another one sometimes has to leave early or work from home because she has frequent and heavy migraines. Sometimes people have to do the same because of something to do with their kids. Everyone is usually fully transparent about it and it really helps create an atmosphere of openness and trust.

TL;DR: Err on the side of caution, yes. But do inform yourself of your legal rights in your country, and the mechanisms in such situations. Suss out the company's approaches to various issues and know their policies. Sometimes, when the outside conditions are in your favor, being transparent about your situation can be the better choice.

Hey here is your friendly reminder to not tell your nice boss stuff.

I’m at the executive management level for my very small company and I have 4 people who report directly to me. I am a nice boss. I’m friendly with my employees, I treat them like professional adults, I actively try to create a positive work environment, and I mentor them and make sure they’re advancing in their careers. I do my best to shield them from the rest of management doing stupid shit. My employees like working for me.

The other day one of my employees came to ask if she could change her hours on Mondays. I said yes immediately because it’s helpful for me to know when she’s here and when she’s not, but as long as she gets her work done I don’t care when and where she does it. She then proceeded to tell me that it was so she could attend therapy and like … I will never use this information but … as a general rule don’t fucking do that.

Do not tell your employer shit about your mental or physical health except for the bare minimum needed to request a reasonable accommodation. Even your nice boss can fire you, even your nice boss can unfairly change your working conditions, and even your nice boss at some point is probably going to face pressure from their superiors.

I’m not saying don’t trust your boss with anything ever. I’m just saying that anytime you are in the workplace you need to keep your private information private. You can still have a good relationship with your boss. Your workplace can still be pleasant. But if it ever feels like disclosing private information is required in order to have a good relationship with your boss, please see that as a red flag.

[strobbylemonade]

101 - a dummy's guide to loving and becoming human again

[punkstylerecovery]

One of my major (minor) brain issues is that my brain lies to me. Sometimes its easy to ignore, especially since it's generally obvious, but when I don't have something else to concentrate on or I'm really anxious, its like trying to ignore a fire alarm going off when you're sitting right beside it. Impossible, at least for me.

See, its one thing to ignore my brain saying "you're an evil person" when I'm in the middle of a book. Its another to ignore my brain claiming I didn't lock the bathroom door (and someone Will come in) when I'm in the shower. But its quite another thing to ignore my brain screaming someone is in my bedroom and they're going to kill me when its the dead of night and I'm trying to sleep.

You might think the logical solution would be to look around my bedroom, put the fears to rest, and go to sleep. But no. You see, my brain wants me to look. But it also never believes I've looked properly.

I can look around and five seconds later, my brain will ask, 'but are you sure you looked right? Look again. If you missed something, you're going to die!" Sometimes I can't remember if I looked or not. Perhaps I did miss something. It doesn't matter. My brain wouldn't be satisfied if I slept with my eyes open (which is what it tries to convince me I will do if I want to stay alive).

Its always something I've struggled with, some times more than others. Its not always as extreme as "you're going to die", but its always extreme in some way, whether its the panic or the amount of times I check something to shut my brain up. And its ridiculous, because its not like I don't know my brain is a liar. Its not like I don't know it likes to fuck with me.

But I also don't really know what else to do. Its not like people go around offering advice for things like that; its not a common dinner conversation. Its not even a common experience, apparently. Some people's brains don't lie to them all the time and they don't have a million panic attacks trying to go to sleep because their brain isn't telling them they're about to die.

I don't know what the fuck I'd advise people like that. Sleep tight, maybe. But I wish there was some kind of guidebook for people with brains like mine. I'm getting kinda tired of winging it.

[icewindandboringhorror]

I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

[mcalhenwrites]

I'm not going to pretend it doesn't make me angry that I spend months and years trying to peddle my work to make ends meet, that I spend so much time mentioning my books and comms and everything, and people ignore that consisently... But the moment I finally break under the hopelessness - when it's obvious that it's fucking futile, that almost no one deems my work good enough to share with anyone else - suddenly they're concerned and scolding me. I'm working several jobs, bathing, generally keeping things clean, and I do this with several health problems including chronic pain. I found out that one of my cysts is growing and I may need to have it surgically removed. Which means potentially missing work to recover. Which means more money I lose. I spend so much time crawling out of the hole and it goes ignored, but the moment I just give up bc I don't have any strength left, suddenly that's my fault and I'm mentally sick. And that kind of makes me wish my entire situation upon people, and when they whine that it's hard, well fuck you, you thought I could ace it so surely you can, babe! I hate being angry about this, but it's just so exhausting to tell people who accuse me of not trying that I HAVE I HAVE SO FUCKING HARD AND YOU DID NOT PAY ATTENTION THEN Or you know you're attempting to gaslight me by claiming I didn't try despite that I obviously have worked my ass off trying, and that's so much fucking worse

[touhoutivations]

"Heya, just popping in for your medicine delivery- ah, you're wondering why I'm not wearing my usual disguise? Well, Eirin and I kinda agreed that it was making me look more suspicious than usual...and while some of the village don't want to take medicine from a youkai, our medicines aren't anything to hide from." "You shouldn't feel ashamed about taking what you need in order to function, and we shouldn't add to that stigma. It'd be ridiculous if I had to dress up like a bandit to give you bandages if you hurt yourself, right?"

"...I know that 'the lunatic rabbit' probably isn't the best to advertise this, but you deserve to be loved, cared for, survive and thrive- no matter what illness or neurodivergency you have. Change and acceptance isn't easy, especially deprogramming from...harmful stereotypes and ideology- believe me, I've been through all that craziness." "It's probably taken you a really long journey to find this out, or accept this, or take steps to treatment- maybe you're still ironing out the big questions- but I'm really proud of you for it. So keep taking those steps, to become more 'you' than ever. Advocate for yourself, and know that there's people that can help you through- even if it takes a while to find them." "That's all from me today, make sure you take some food with them too, alright?"

[steakout-05]

my new and improved Barry Steakfries autism headcanons :D

Barry is the type of autistic who actively seeks out sensory input and loves to talk to people! he does this by blasting rock music through his whole house, flying really high in the sky on his jetpack and feeling the wind on his face, causing loud and destructive explosions, listening to the whirring of his MGJP, going out for drinks with a lot of friends including Craig and watching action movies with a lot of carnage. most of these get him in serious trouble with the law, but they can't catch him because he has a jetpack and they don't >:)

he's the type of guy to listen to death metal screaming to feel Delightfully Whelmed and sit there calmly on the floor like it's nothing

Barry's main stim is ripping his shirt sleeves, usually as an expression of super strong emotions (excitement, rage, fear. etc) or to combat his tactile sensory issues. he also bounces his knee and clenches his fists when he's bored or nervous.

most of Barry's sensory issues are tactile, like the way certain (and by certain i mean most) types of sleeves feel on his arms. they can make his arms feel scratchy and tight, which can get worse if they're wet and just hang onto his skin. he's a lot more comfortable wearing loose soft sleeves or wearing them when it's cold. a lot of people have asked Barry why he doesn't just wear tank tops if he hates the feeling of sleeves, to which he says that ripping them off is way more satisfying and fun, like he's killing the bad sensory feeling itself by tearing it off him.

Barry mentions in one of the episodes of his vlog that his shirt ripping stim was passed down through generation to generation and that his dad rips his sleeves as well. my headcanon is that this is generational autism and their children learning their parents' stims! (Barry also mentions that the only generation that didn't rip their sleeves was in the medieval generation when they wore chainmail which i think in this context is really interesting!)

Barry isn't very good with emotional regulation. he can get frustrated, impatient and angry really quickly, which we see a lot of in the 'Rainbow Barry' short. he also struggles with executive functioning and frequently forgets or struggles to do tasks he finds boring, misplaces things, procrastinates a lot, struggles with impulsiveness and planning.

Barry also has inattentive type ADHD (otherwise known as ADD) which he shows traits of in the 'Rainbow Barry' short as well.

he picks up a lot of catchphrases and personality traits from his favourite action movies!

i mentioned before that Barry loves to talk to people, but he struggles with quite a few social skills. he forgets people's boundaries, has trouble controlling his volume, accidentally interrupts people, can come off as scary sometimes and forgets what the conversation was about. a lot of other people don't really like him because they think he's just being rude and self-centred and he's never really understood why. Craig understand though, and that's why they love each other :)

his special interests are jetpacks, action movies, his dad's record collection and dogs! he may not be an expert but he loves them :)

Barry has no idea he's autistic and thinks he instead has a disease that makes him rip his sleeves because no one's ever told him and he doesn't remember getting diagnosed.

[hylianengineer]

After two weeks of having almost nothing to do at work except read scientific papers, I think I've finally gotten over being scared of them. Actually, I think I'm starting to have fun.

And then I was doing writing research on a totally different topic and I went wait a second. I can read scientific papers on this. I'm not intimidated by them anymore - well, not much. Maybe a tiny bit, for the ones outside my field, because last week I tried to read a botany paper and oh dear god the jargon.

But I read a medical journal about chronic widespread pain, which I probably have, and it felt very empowering. I understood most of the important bits, googled the vocab when I needed to, and I learned some things that might be important. I read a paper where actual doctors were saying 'people can have mental illnesses and also pain disorders. this does not mean their pain isn't real.'

And it feels very revolutionary that I can just... do that. I can have access to the same information as experts in these fields, and I may not understand it as well or have all the context but it's something. Something I didn't have before.

[musicrunsthroughmysoul]

A controversial thought just occurred to me that I've tried to put into words many times now about my hero (Janis Joplin) and other musicians and people who died "tragically" (especially in a "self-inflicted" way), and that is: every time I see someone online, on Youtube or Facebook or wherever, say something (always unprompted/unrelated to what the video/photo/article/etc. is about) along the lines of, "What a waste of their talent/skill their death was," I think, What a waste their death was? What have you said of their life? Why do you only choose to comment on, and apparently highlight, their death? Did their life, and their accomplishments, and what they brought to the world while they were alive mean nothing to you? Have you not a SHRED of gratitude that they were alive at all?

I am quite sure that there is some sort of psychological explanation (and I say that with the confidence of only having a basic understanding of psychology) for why people focus particularly on people's (in this case, celebrities') "tragic" deaths, but is it not a tragedy in itself to reduce those people's lives to their deaths and the fact that they're dead? Why not appreciate what they were able to share with us while they were here? You know?

[hawkeyedflame]

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[ehlnofay]

still thinking about the upsetting npc I had the displeasure of meeting yesterday. fuck the shivering isles

[sschmendrick]

Maybe I should go back to seeing my therapist, he was a good person, à l'écoute, but maybe I should explain why I stopped seeing him (on top of work load becoming unbearable).

Same with my psychiatrist though I think it'll be harder to see her because of the summer.

[klara-rosa]

but anyway on another unrelated note, everyday at work I feel a part of me dying inside because my coworkers are all 40 year-olds and up and they were all raised with a conservative catholic mindset and that's how they express themselves. Yesterday it was open homophobia and today open fatphobia. Constantly feeling triggered and having episodes but I'm not gonna say anything because it'd be like running into a brick wall over and over again

[arctic-hands]

I'm the worst person to try to gaslight lol. One, I already know I'm crazy, so between that and my piss poor memory I'll just assume I left the lamp on and forgot about it even if I do have a hazy memory of turning it off. Try to trick me into seeing things that aren't there and I'll just assume I need to up my dosage of abilify. Saying you said something completely different to what you actually said and I'll just go with the flow because I'll assume I just flaked out in the previous conversation and don't want to commit a faux pas

[malachitezmeyka]

I know it's useless to get mad at the dog, she's just a hyperactive little thing who doesn't know how to behave yet. She's left home alone for at least 6 hours every day and she's bored, I can't blame her for tearing apart her training pads or shitting all over the place. Even if I did, she must have done it hours ago, dogs don't get that actions that happened so long ago have consequences and all me yelling at her will result in is her being scared of me. I know all that, I do

So WHY am I still so angry at her?? Why does it feel satisfying to lash out and see her scurry away??? She doesn't deserve to be treated like that, she doesn't know any better. And I don't know how to teach her to know better, I don't have the patience for it. She deserves better than me

[ranvwoop]

i am going to be so vulnerable in public for just a second. literally just for lack of therapy and for the love of psuedoanonymity except. it isn't really