#I don't know the history of every contry ever

[thefriendoforatioisdead]

''I'm going to abandon my title and we'll go live somewhere else''

That's a nice idea Anin, I hope you plan on eloping with a freaking TIME MACHINE !

[diaryofahumanbeing]

When I met my first love.

When I first encountered Psychology, it seemed like a weird and odd subject. Whenever I went to a subject I liked like Biology or Music, there was Psychology nearby, whenever I met a new subject like Artificial Intelligence or Mathematics, there was Psychology. Eventually I started to learn more about Psychology and I was surprised. There was alot Psychology and I had in common, from the history of human development across generations to how humans react and learn about the world. Psychology introduced me to other subjects like Anthropology, Ethnomusicology, Statistics, Forensics and some of its family members like Cyberpsychology, Forensic Psychology, Developmental Psychology and Evolutionary Psychology. Psychology had a finger in almost every subject and we had alot in common. I was surprised I would ever like a subject this much since I usually filled my time with certain subjects that acted more Black or White, right or wrong or set clear standards, but Psychology saw the grey in subjects, the spectrum of possibilities and didn't have a properly defined limit. Psychology even helped me talk and like humans, even though I am quite misanthropic and introverted. Then one day I travelled to the UK and I thought that was the end between me and Psychology. I got settled, explored the area and reconnected with family members. On occasion, I'd miss Psychology and our days in high school. After a year though, I bumped into Psychology in college and we reconnected. We spoke again and I had a renewed strength I didn't know I had. I think that's when I realised, I fell in love with Psychology. I loved their interests, I love how it was curious about the world, I love how it always tries learn new things, I even fell in love with its mistakes and history, always trying to be better. Psychology had stolen and kept my heart safe, so I began to pursue Psychology. I first began to pursue Psychology in college while I had taken the basic equivalent education for this new contry, then I began pursuing Psychology to University, after a year of working in Starbucks I finally pursued Psychology in university until I got my degree. In university though, Psychology introduced me to wonderful people and opportunities, the one person Psychology introduced me to was one of the few people I had ever crushed on, so far I had only fallen in love with subjects, this was the first person in a while I had fallen for, and although we used the same pronouns, we shared a student flat, we spend loads of time together and I even held their hand, it wasn't meant to be. Psychology told me it was okay to pursue more than one love if it was honest and true, after all Psychology also taught me about healthy boundaries, healthy relationships and polyamory, but I was not ready. I then I heard a devastating news, even though me and my crush were compatible, they told me they were heteroromantic. I was devastated, but I couldn't be angry at them, they didn't do anything wrong. They were just being their amazing and wonderful self and I fell hard, they had nothing to be guilty or sad for. I had to be a good friend to them, we kept talking and being good friends, we hung out, we vented to each other, we had some fun and Psychology was there to comfort me in my loneliness. Even though I was furious, and jealous and annoyed and frustrated, I was happy I met this person, and I don't regret Psychology introducing me to them. After a while, I got my degree, the results weren't as high as I liked but Psychology reminded me that I could still do a masters and that we could still be together and help people. Psychology now is introducing me to Counselling and the three of us are planning on helping people as much as we can, they will also help me through with getting my masters in the future but right now I want to get acquainted with Counselling, help people, save some money and maybe live a little more. I may have not found my happy ending but Psychology reminded me that it isn't the end and I can't wait to see what adventures we get into.

[aria-laughs]

Real talk..(needed to vent, feel free to not read this if you don't like long rants)

When i was 11 years old i had already been through my fair share of crap. Coming from a "broken" home with little money, a depressed mother and an absent father. At that time i remember being bullied as a biproduct of my sister stoping one of her classmates (a 13 year old girl) from traveling half accross the contry to meet her 19 year old boyfriend who she'd met online for the first time.. under the pretence that she was traveling to visit my dad with my big sister. This all ended with the police stoping the train and picking the girl up before she reached her destination and everyone didn't have to suffer through the ordeal with a minor being raped or worse by a yound adult in a strange city..anyway. when the summer ended and we (me and my two siblings) gor back home, all these rumors spread about us and school became tricky. I got used to it tho, i had my friends and i quickly learned to keep close to teachers whenever i was alone. At the home front my mom became sick and the kids got a lot of grown up responsibilities. It was okay too.. kids get used to a lot, and today im a wizz in the kitchen and i clean with the best of them.

My mother had a temper, and would hit us when we did something wrong. I remember trying to cover for my siblings as much as possible, trying to shield them from the worst of it. Don't get me wrong, i LOVE my mother. She's been through hell and her sroty is worse than anything i've ever heard of. I understand what happened when i grew up and i love her because she allways did her best.. but i haven't forgiven her for making my home unsafe. At 11 years old one of my teachets notised that i had a hard time with my schoolwork. They couldn't get me to focus on my work and i was distracted by anything. I remember the letters mixing up as i read, and it became impossible to do my homework because no one could see the letters moving like i could. The teached contacted my mom and my stepfather and told them he'd talk to a specialist about me maybe having ADHD. The next week my mom dropped me off at the specialist and i got tested in every subject known to man. As usuall i exelled at language, history and music. But everything else was a bit off, i remember hearing him telling my mom that it couldn't be HDHD because my memory was too good. But refered her to a doctor for more tests. The ordeal took another week before my mother came to pick me up at lunch one day and told me we had to go to the hospital.

I had a thyroid condition that firsly was almost non-exsistent, and secoundly was unheard of in someone my age. They took blood, and sent me to get an MR and CT. When all the tests came back, we got the good news that i wouldn't die if they treated it quickly. But since i was still waiting for normal bodyparts to arrive, and hadn't gone through puberty yet.. he had no idea where to start. I don't remember the name of the medication, but i remember taking 15 a day. 5 in the morning, 5 when i got home from school and 5 before bed. I took them and 39 minutes later i was sprinting to the bathroom puking my guts out. This obviously didn't work in the long run and by the end of it i was so skinny you could see my teeth through my cheeks. They changed my meds and i stopped with the hurling. Instead i gained about 30 kg in the first 6 months and looked like a beach ball on legs. And as a kid being bullied, this wasn't that fun. Let me remind you that this had been going on for a while and tho my mom did what she could.. the was depressed and didn't see how bad it got for me and all the responsibilities i had at home made me dissapear in the day-to-day of it all. Alone and scared as the bullying became physical I panicked and stoped taking my meds, and all my symptoms came back. I would sleep for 14 hours and wake up exhausted. I'd go full days without getting hungry and i'd get moodswings and get real clumsy. My family got used to this and the symptoms stoped being symptoms and started being "just me".

So now i'd wake up and have to care for my siblings, go to school without lunch for myself because i had to make it for my siblings, or forgetting to shower because i had to remind my brother to do it. I get off the buss and get my ass kicked on my way to the classroom. Some days i'd get through it and come home to start dinner for my family, and other times the bullying sent me to the ER to get stitched up (i didn't have to make dinner on those days). This happened often enough that the doctor knew me by my first name, and instead of "how did you hurt yourself?) I'd get "Again!? When the nurses came to get me. One day i slept for 16 hours and my mother confronted me about my weightloss and asked if i'd been taking my meds. I came clean and a few hours at the doctors office and one frustrating car ride later. I'd promissed to take my pills again, but by that point i had ruined my body enough to never get better. So at 15 years old the doctors decided that they'd treat my thyroid with radioactive iodine. This worked great and killed the thyroid gland, making me dependend on meds for the rest of my life.

For anyone who don't know, the thyroid gland is responsible for your bodys metabolism. This means everything... your metabolism is a part of every funktion of every organ in your entire body, tho we usually think about how fast you burn fat because this is what we see on the outside.

We did our best, and we got through it. I had a safe place with my best friend and his family. And i'd escape there as often as i could. His mother would remind me to take my meds, she'd let me shower at their place and when she realised that i never ate at school she started packing lunch for me to send with her son every day.

I don't think i'd survive and be the person i am today without them. I remember the day i finally told them what was going on at home when i grew up, at this point i had grown up and moved away from home. I had started opening up to people i trusted and understood the power of talking about my problems. i never ment it as a "why didn't you see".. im thankful for my life, even the bad pars, but i needed them to know how much they saved me. To understand how much i love them all. I'll keep their reactions to myself, but i'll tell you that i have never felt more treasured in my life.

I was 22 years old the first time someone told me that I never deserved the abuse at home. I was 25 years old when i told my mother i forgave her for the physical stuff, but that i couldn't forgive her for stealing my feeling of home and safety. And i was today years old when i wrote it down for anyone to see.

I've been taking my meds for about 17 years now, but I have yet to actually get a normal metabolism. My last stunt was that i suddenly didn't need that much medicine so my metabolism speed up to lifethreatening speed and i had to endure panic attacks, dizziness, lack of consentration and shaking so bad that i almost quit school and almost sent me into a brainfailure (yes thats a thing) over the summer. My doctors paniced and reduced my meds so much that i didn't get nearly enough. This ended with me loosing weight, not eating, shaking, being sick and passing out all over the place, and almost sent me into a life threatening coma as my body overcompensated for the loss of thyroid hormones. My dad said something i've never heard my family say before. We were eating dinner last weekend and i was having a bad day when he told me "its painful to watch you struggle like this". And i almost cried, this was the first time in forever that a parent told me that they see me. And now i'm finally starting to get back to where im used to.

I have skipped a lot of stuff that happened. Some things i don't think i'll ever talk about, and some things that are too personal or too painful or too stupid to write down. But i needed to work through the new stuff, to reflecr back and to realise how close i came to loosing my life again this year. How lucky i am that i not only held on for dear life, but that with all the crap i felt. All the sickness and panic and everything. I managed to finish this semester at school. I managed to survive again, and im 6 months away from reaching my goal of allways being able to help when im needed. I am so proud of myself for getting to where i am today. And im so thankful!!