#I don't know if I'll be able to finish this thing - and even if I do I might not feel confident enough to post it -
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Hawk, you doing okay? You haven't posted an Incipere page in a while.
Hey, things have been busy and...now very chaotic. So I'll take the chance to respond your question to make two announcements, one that people on my patreon already know:
I'm working on a new comic project! It'll be a one shot with over 70 pages and I've been working on it non stop for the past month or so. I'll be honest here, Incipere is not doing well, it has very little engagement, very low update rate due to it being colored, and I know a lot of people don't find it as fun to read since it's an extremely flawed series. In turn, I also don't enjoy working on it as much as I used to either. It makes sense I mean, I wrote it when I was 16, it makes sense I've changed the way I tell stories now, heh.
So, I'm taking the chance to work on something new, something that I know I will enjoy at the very least. Even if it doesn't get lots of support, I'll be happy that I was able to finish something that I feel satisfied with. I don't plan on abandoning Incipere though! I just feel like I need to make a step forward to improve as an artist and story teller.
-Now, for the second announcement. This one is more important than the first as it happened so recently.
A lot of people may know about my little sister, and I'm heartbroken to say that she passed away this weekend...
It happened so suddenly, it was something everyone in my family knew it would happen due to her complicated health issues, but even then...one is never truly ready for these things when they actually happen. I can say that she passed away peacefully. Because of everyone's support via commissions and patreon, and even sharing my art, it all helped so that my sister could have the best quality of life she could.
Thanks to this platform, my sister's medical expenses were paid whenever our insurance wouldn't cover everything, I had been able to make hospital trips, buy medication, donate my own blood so she could live another day. It was all thanks to you.
I know I said I was working on a new project, but my sister's passing hit so suddenly, so hard, that I need to take my time to be with my family and friends. It's ironic, because my new project has elements of loss and grief as part of its main theme.
I apologize that I don't have the strength right now, I'll come back for sure, but right now my heart is shattered, and picking up a pen is hard.
Thank you all for your patience, I'll come back <3
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Hello, Sno4wy.
Well. Ain't this a bitch of an unsatisfactory situation you've put me in.
Not Simprock, not Robyn, not Mackey– you, Snowy. No one else.
Now, before we go any further: You claimed in the now-'archived’ (read: deleted) harassment support thread in EO that you didn't send that document to anyone except Gerald, specifically because– and I quote: “the document isn’t okay for sharing publicly.as it is” [sic], but that “[you’ve] not granted permission to it to anyone but Gerald”.
Wow. Well, I had my suspicions before, but I was almost kinda glad to get the hard confirmation that you never really cared about me enough to consider me ‘anyone’.
But the fact of the matter is: you sent that document to me unprompted on January 30th, 2025 (ostensibly as the 'receipts' you've been promising for months now). Why did you send it to me? Hell if I know, cause I sure never asked to see it! You just... gave it to me. And now here we are.
Now, I don't expect you to actually read this (after all, you've got quite the track record of refusing to read anything you consider to be ‘DARVO’ing you), I’m just gonna go ahead and consider this an open letter and move on.
Though, if you are reading this: for the record? I didn't want to do this; drag myself out in the open, air your dirty laundry for all to see. Sure you blocked my DMs and timed me out on EO, but did I do anything about it? No, I rolled my eyes and got back to work on censoring the very dangerous document you had unceremoniously foisted upon me:
And here’s the kicker: I had every intention of keeping this private; or, well, mostly private.
I will admit, once I finished scrubbing the doc of the personal and private medical information that you failed to redact yourself before just handing it off to me (for some ungodly reason), my plan at that point was to simply open a ticket, go: "Hey, it seems Snowy blocked me and put me in timeout before I could get the censored version of this document back to him like I promised I would multiple times. Please ensure it gets into his hands", and then just leave the matter be.
After all, whatever fallout you faced behind the scenes after weaponizing your position and lying about not sending it to anyone else due to it being NOT OKAY TO SHARE PUBLICLY by your own admission wouldn’t be my problem, it'd be yours. I’d have followed the rules, cleared my conscience, and would’ve been able to wash my hands of you forever with my head held high.
Granted, you never actually asked me to censor the document either, but that's not entirely surprising now because, after looking back at our chat logs, I realized you never even attempted to get to know me past what you assumed to be true. If you had, you'd have learned that not only am I a “known lover of walls of text”, but that I also do not take kindly to hypocrisy and manipulative behavior. And upon further review, the record clearly shows that you displayed both of those in spades during our (blessedly) few interactions.
Funnily enough though, the record will also show that you never once contacted me unless you wanted something from me; namely, for me to get involved in your personal harassment drama in some way (which you actually acknowledged I wanted no part of!)
But at the same time: I was already exposed to the information you sent me, so I felt that personally ensuring the censorship of the private medical information you dropped in my lap apropos of nothing– on people who are complete strangers to me, no less!– was simply the ethical and moral thing to do to prevent it from falling into the wrong hands.
That said: I'll be the first to admit I made a mistake in that I did forget to inform you that I had begun work on censoring the document in your stead. That was completely on me, and I apologize once again for my failure to communicate that in a more timely manner:
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But I’m sure you’ll be willing to cut me some slack; after all, I was distressed by your egregious lack of basic decency.
Also, don't even bother trying to turn the fact that I made a copy around on me; I outright told you I did (you never once commented on that fact, either).
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...then again, you also admitted you didn't even look at the body of the document before just sending it off to a stranger on the internet– but we'll get to all that soon enough.
Unfortunately, however, it seems that being a self-centered asshole just wasn't enough for you, as just a few hours after being timed out for a week, I woke up to find myself kicked– actually, no, banned– from EO, despite me clarifying that this was NOT an EO matter; because it wasn't. By and large, this was an issue between you and me, and aside from me getting the document to you, no one else from EO needed to get involved out in the open.
I was trying to follow the rules. I was trying to settle this privately as requested; keep it outside of the server to the best of my ability considering the ethical dilemma this document posed.
Quick sidebar: To the mod I contacted regarding this matter (and you know who you are), please feel free to DM me again if your “ears” are actually as open as you claim they were a few days back, because I’ll be happy to discuss the matter of Snowy harassing me in DMs for months on end– which you didn’t even give me the chance to explain one-on-one before blocking me– in greater detail!
Though I would suggest you read what I’m linking at the bottom of this post first before doing so. Don’t worry, its only, like 70-ish pages long and mostly screenshots (which is also much shorter than the approximately 300 page document Snowy handed off to me last week!). Still, take your time! I'll be waiting.
Anyway, let's take a look at the reason I got ousted from EO, shall we? (With a small addendum that I didn’t contact anyone I knew only from the server, and I had ample reason to believe that contacting them would be okay. Still, I recognize I misspoke in this message you never saw, and I apologize):
Huh. Interesting. Now, I’d ask to see copies of the DMs I sent people I knew only from EO to warrant a ban of that nature, but I know neither Snowy nor any of the other mods will be able to produce them. Because they don’t exist.
In fact, I resolved not to contact the single individual I recognized only from EO whose username and screenshots were used in the document (just to ask them how they'd like to have their information handled, mind you); I was going to simply censor it as a courtesy and leave it at that.
I was truly trying to do everything I could to stay within the letter of the law given the circumstances I had been put in to AVOID a ban on these grounds, as per the moratorium the mods placed on the subject on February 5th, 2025:
Still, while it’s upsetting to get ousted from a server, it's actually not my first rodeo in that regard; back in October, I (and about 60 other people) were kicked out of Simprock in what's been colloquially dubbed 'The Kickening'/[vaguely gestures] and I'm not gonna lie: It hurt. It still hurts. But this isn't about that; or at least, not at this very second.
Again: this is about you, Snowy, and your actions alone. Because even after all that, I was still willing to do everything I could to prevent bringing this out into the open; after all, you said it yourself: I wanted to maintain a 'guise of neutrality'. I didn’t want to get involved.
...that was, riiiiight up until the moment I checked our DM history, and saw that you had deleted every. single. message, in what I could only assume to be a blatant attempt to shut me up and destroy all evidence of your wrongdoing.
And just like that? You pushed my 'bitch' button. Sucks for you.
Because like I said: this is not my first rodeo; I knew to have the entirety of our interaction screenshotted and archived before I sent my final post. Of course, I hoped I wouldn't need those records but... well. When dealing with a near stranger who is oddly belligerent to someone I consider a friend, I knew it was best to be prepared. And– to the detriment of my free time at large for the past few days– I've since gone through and annotated said screenshots in excruciating detail, to provide context for my side of the story. Don't worry though! I censored stuff like your friend's real name out, because I agree– there are ethical considerations to apply.
Oh, and don’t even bother crying about them being faked; I have a video of me scrolling through our messages from top to bottom; two, actually! One from before you scrubbed your messages and one from after. Sadly, I can’t post them publicly at the moment because I haven’t had the time to scrub the sensitive stuff out– like your friend's real first name. Nor can I post the link to the document that you sent me (that I didn’t fucking ask for), because you were so right in that regard: It is NOT safe for the public to see in the state you sent it to me in.
Now, for those curious about what the 'Gerald Document' is actually about: For the most part, it details an interpersonal fallout between Gerald's wife's IRL friend group– people I have never even met, mind you, aside from maybe a passing interaction here or there in one case– thus, I can’t really pass judgement on the situation that led to the document's creation past… I dunno? "Everyone involved in this matter kinda sucks, but Snowy sucks infinitely more for passing people's personal and private medical information off to me without their consent."
There, you can jot that down as my official take on the matter.
So, tl;dr:
On January 30th, 2025 between the hours of 12:40 and 2:14AM CST Snowy exposed personal and private medical information on two people to me without their knowledge or consent via the document he is claiming to be his ‘receipts’ in his Twitter post dated December 12th, 2024. Additionally, he exposed even more private medical information on a third person via the ‘conversation log’ he was also offering up in EO on February 3rd, 2025.
Now, please keep in mind: I'm about to prove I never asked to see that document, I only requested and agreed to look over the chat logs he offered me over private message between him and my friend in the hopes of mediating a misunderstanding. And that request was only made under the unspoken understanding that he'd learned his lesson from the doxxing incident a few months back. Spoiler alert: He didn’t (and actually acknowledged he violated that agreement. Again!)
All in all though, Snowy sent the following to me completely unprompted on January 30th, 2025:
"Brown" and Jules’ private medical information (as well as Robyn's via unredacted chat logs)
"Brown" and Jules’ real first names
"Brown" and Kellie’s discord handles
Jac and Goot’s real names again via the SAME doxxing screenshot he posted on X on December 12th, 2024
Now, aside from the doxxing screenshot (and, unfortunately, “Brown's” real name, I later recalled), I didn't know any of that information before I read that document. Additionally, seven? (I say ‘?’ because I’m not actually done censoring the damn thing yet, so there very well could be more by the time I get through!) people’s usernames/pfp’s– who weren’t even relevant/involved in the issue being discussed– were left unredacted as well. Keeping those names in wasn't necessary in the slightest, either; most of the time they just happened to be around the conversation at hand.
And yeah, you read that right: I’m still gonna censor it myself. Because that’s the ethical thing to do. Now, what I do with it afterwards… well, you blocked me, so… I guess it’ll be mine to do with as I wish!
Great. A 300-ish page manifesto that wasn't even relevant to the situation at present, penned in Sno4wy's own hand. Just what I always wanted. (Like seriously, man, you couldn't even list the estimated page count right?)
A few final words:
To Jules, “Brown”, (and Robyn): I'm so sorry I learned all of this information because Snowy betrayed your trust and sent me this documentation unedited. If I had realized at the time, I swear I never would have blindly made a copy to annotate when he sent it over.
But in my defense: the document was NOT locked down in any way aside from requiring Snowy to grant access, and when I checked the history it had been last edited in July. I genuinely thought he had learned his lesson after December and sent me something that had already been scrubbed, but it’s clear enough now that he didn’t learn a goddamn thing.
What he did to you was morally reprehensible of him, and I promise to do everything that I possibly can to ensure your information is censored correctly. That said: Jules, “Brown”– if either one of you would like me to send you a copy after I’m done to ensure I didn’t miss anything, I’m sure we have mutual contacts who would be happy to make that happen.
To Snowy (even though I doubt you're actually reading this): I truly hope you're happy, because you finally got what you wished for– I got involved. Congrats, I guess! But now, aside from censoring the document and figuring out what the hell to do with it afterwards… yeah. I'm pretty much done. But let me make one thing VERY clear: this is not an escalation; this is not a ‘DARVO’; this is not an attack.
This is me simply doing what I’ve been pushed to do, in order to ensure my side of the story was heard after you wronged and harassed me for months on end, ultimately resulting in you turning multiple people into victims with just a click of a button.
A side of the story you tried to silence. Deliberately.
Additionally, if you or ANY of your so-called 'friends' try to harass/contact/include me, my family members, and/or my place of work in your ridiculous drama you dragged me into, I will be taking that as a threat and deliberate retaliation against me for speaking up after being wronged.
So on that note, before I link the document to my complete annotated chat history with Snowy spanning from May 19, 2024 - February 6th, 2025, I’d like to leave my final (censored) DMs here as well just as a summary of what’s to come because... well, what can I say? When my ‘bitch’ button gets pressed, I don’t fuck around. I make people find out.
Goodbye, Snowy. For what it’s worth, I genuinely hope you get the help you so desperately need, but I also hope you have the day you ultimately deserve.
Then again, why would you start caring about what I want now? I'm not 'anyone', after all.
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[ID in alt text]
Another wip! It's kind of almost done :)
#sha gojyo#saiyuki#wip#gotta tag talk for a sec -#idk if it's weird or inappropriate considering the smiley mood of the wip but I just kinda need to#cw: death I guess#life's so so bizar right now - just. incomprehensible in a way#I don't know how to describe what's going on in my head#with my dad being on his death bed#on one hand it's all consuming and on the other. like. life is still happening? I worked today. did work things#I'm working on this light-hearted little comic and it feels almost rude to keep drawing it#like whatever I make should be sad or angry or whatever#or not at all#but this is still what I wanna draw#I keep thinking about fucking Inktober bc it's something that brings me joy normally#but I will absolutely not be able to do it and it's so so so unimportant in the grand scheme of things#I have sketches that I like so idk they'll get finished eventually#got a message about a commission I would love to do but the deadline is in around December#and I just can't know if I'll even be able to do#it's just impossible to imagine my dad pretty much definitely not being here in two months#let alone what life will be like and what *I'll* be like#it's so weird#danikunst#fanart#described#1
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I don't hate my job or anything, but man, being a float educator is so fucking thankless
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Nowwwwww, I facetiously mentioned at the bottom of this post about the Halo: Reach achievement:
To do that, you have to go under or close to par time on pretty much each level ON LEGENDARY.
I have beaten Reach on Legendary but it probably took me closer to 30 hours than 3 because I did my slow, methodical strategies to get through. I did the par time achievement by running past everything I could on Easy. Can I combine the two successfully?
I decided to give the first level "Winter Contingency" a try (after watching some Youtube vids on getting this achievement, of course 😉). Par time is 15 minutes.
That was my third try, the first was 16 and some minutes, the second got it to 15 and some and then that one got under the par by 32 seconds! I should note that this is considered one of the easiest levels to do on Legendary and the guide I watched by the ever-awesome Halo Completionist did it under 12 minutes and you're going to need every spare second you can scrap together to give you a buffer for some of the long, difficult levels. But still!
It's silly, I know, but I feel so proud of me! I'm an old lady (well, middle-aged, if I'm being generous 😜) playing Halo with shaky hands but I made under par time on Legendary! 🥳🥳🥳
PS - Tried it again and got 13:55!
#halo#halo: reach#halo reach#this is my game tag#it's silly i know but i really am proud of me#nobody will ever realize how little i expected to be able to even finish ONE of the mcc games on easy#i wanted to be able to do it but i just didn't think i'd be able to#and then i made it through halo ce#and then the others slowly one at a time#it means something to me#i don't even know why but it does#i'm not good at games but i'm tenacious i'll keep trying#i'll watch different strategies then try to find something that'll work for me#i'll work at it until i get there#it's not pretty nobody would ever want to watch my twitch stream that's for sure lol#but i get it done#i'm proof that you don't have to be some amazing gamer to do some amazing things#i feel like there's a life lesson in there or something i dunno#is anybody still reading down this far in the tags?#have a cookie if you're still here#love you frens#thanks for letting me share with you#ageless aislynn
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So, please don't send me anymore asks right now, I don't think I'll be able to finish them 😢
I won't be home for the foreseeable future so I won't have most of my art supplies with me
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Yes all these, I can't just take them all :(
Btw I won't be closing the ask box or anything
#I have 5 things in my asks right now#2 can be done relatively quick. one requires me to make a design for a new character and 2 neen a lot of work#and I don't know if I'll even manage to draw these#god I don't want to let these people down#maybe I'll manage to speedrun these before I leave#not art#btw you can still send me whatever. I just don't know when I'll be able to get to actually draw it#I'll be back. I just don't know when. I'm not exactly sure of when I'll leave either. maybe tomorrow. maybe on Saturday. maybe Sunday...#anywayzzzzz#I don't want to sound mean but I don't want someone to send me something and for them to be disappointed when I won't respond anytime soon#that's why I dislike summer. all the heat too. but the 'vacation' part kinda sucks too. I want my stuff with me at all times#I'll try to finish some other random drawings too to have in my drafts because I don't want to stop posting
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Recent misc pictures
#image 1 - sky of course.. beautiful clouds time. Image 2 - steak and scrambled eggs with a mushroom spinach sautee sort of thing#and an apple fritter (all cooked at home of course except for the apple fritter... still wishing I could ever get food out or have it made#for me so I don't have to do the effort of making it all myself.. it just tastes better sometimes when you're in a relaxed state eating#it rather than a 'just stood in the kitchen for 1hr' state lol). Image 3 - nice gray clouds with the sun through them.#Image 4 - 4 tiny gyoza type things with a tiny Diet Restriction Friendly size portion of iced coffee and a starshaped ice cube#Images 5 - 7 - these interesting flowers I came across whilst walking on a trail. I think the way they grow is cool. And that the buds of#them are so fluffy and such. Image 8 - 9 -- more stinky word counts... aughhh...... Trying to plan a full timeline of when#I might actually finish the game and I'm estimating currently like July 2025 as an insanely optimistic ideal and October 2025 as my very#late one. So likely somewhere in between. Or even later if something happens as things tend to do (computer explodes. etc)#Both are HOT months for oregon so I guess that's what started me off thinking and dwelling on the passage of time and the weather.. grrr#I wish I could be done with it tomorrow or something and then just relax and play sims all winter knowing my work is done lol#But I feel like the impending summer (as well as many other impending societally threatening things) give me too much urgency to be like#WAUGh i need to get this done NOWWW.. But I still wish I could relax and enjoy the winter a litttle. eugh... ANYWAY. I did finish the#discord for the game but I still don't know if I'll use that. I need to work more on the game itself and the itch.io page. But then also#I should probably talk about it or try to cultivate a small base of people (like a discord) who actually care about it and could become#future playtesters so I have that all ready well before the game actually is done so I needn't scramble at the last minute.. If I were#smart. and had social skills. and had energy (< has none of these things). So inevitably who knows if shall be able to muster any such feat#At least I'm getting like.. some words done.. some days. I am making progress. It's just never good enough considering the circumstances#(< looming instability and time passing in what feels like a very fast manner). ANYWAY.. lol... Image 10 - recent game of Price#Is Right Plinko Pegs my beloved game which I return to to play like maybe 2 rounds of once every 5 months... one day I shall win... Though#I'm incresingly uncertain if there even IS a last level. Or if its designed to go on forever/make you fail at a point to keep you playing..#Last two images - CLOUDS again. A very cloud heavy photo diary this time it seems lol#Also trying to: - post a few more costumes from drafts. - make new friend survey thing. - edit videos - make a sculpture. - set up#things to actually sell sculptures. - doctors appointments. - pack up things to possibly move before the summer to an apartment which#will still not have central AC but maybe at least is not west facing (so gets direct sun hottest part of the day and is a greenhouse)#Life is a constant revolving to do list with occasional sleep & looking at clouds in between.. (sigh)(pauses)(slightly more whimsical sigh)#photo diary
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You know what? I give up on this paper once and for all. I'm not even ashamed anymore
#okay I'm a little ashamed#it's another 5 points i have to catch up with next semester#but it's making me want to kill myself and i don't even know if the professor would still accept it#(the original deadline was in October. i got an official extension until November. i guess it'd be just rude#to ask if it was still okay to send it#especially since i haven't done any substantial work on it#it's just bad. i hate the topic. i hate the way the professor views the subject 'language and emotion'#so that i cannot write what i want but would have to tailor it towards her views because otherwise I'd fail#and also i cannot write in german. i simply can not do it. )#it's better to move on and focus on my last paper for last semester (official deadline is end of March#so I'm not behind for once)#and i should do the assignments for a module i should have finished 1 year ago#so i don't have to do that next semester#and i should start studying korean again so i don't make a complete fool of myself next semester#I have my first day of work in 2 weeks so I'll also have to focus on working (for money) from there on#I've been paralyzed by the thought of having to write this paper for way too long#the professor is not my boss anymore (i still have to work off some hours though) and even if she was#I'm so done being ashamed of myself for not being able to do certain things#i wanna give it my best from now on but not for this paper. it's done.#void screams
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spent 80% of my day making the pain-in-the-ass squares for my ace jon quilt and consequently my body is 80% pain now
#there are two squares from the fanart#and one of them is extremely nice to do with just squares and rectangles#and - crucially - i cut them out correctly#the showpiece squares are much more fiddly and i'm going to go back in time and beat myself for not cutting the pieces out correctly#the hourglass blocks are all a half inch too small and i don't know what i did with the 2.5 squares but they are shit as well#but there are only five showpiece squares left to do now so i can absolutely knock those out in another day#and then i'll get to work on the filler squares and making rows#i really wasn't sure i'd be able to get this quilt done by end of year but batch sewing really helped#so if i can Focus and also Not Break My Back with this. i might even get the top done by the end of this month???#and then it's on to the worst part. the absolute worst part. finding backing.#(but also this is if i go the square route. whereas my original plan would add another 2 rows)#(and i was getting lazy but like........... 7x9 quilt............extremely good vibes from a 7x9 quilt........)#but then there's ALSO what i'm planning on doing about the actual quilting#because with all the very close calls with too-small blocks i probably NEED some dense quilting#but i haven't figured out my free-hand quilting foot and i don't want to practice on a quilt i've poured myself into already#so.......i guess i'll have to send it away 🥺#agh i'm Tired i just want to have the finished thing in my hands#BUT WILL THEY LET ME BIND IT? binding it is my favorite step i need to bind it myself i can't deal with strangers doing my baby's binding#i don't know!! and my back hurts too much to think about it anymore#quilting tag
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household enemy to the yyh watchthrough number one is the olympics. it's taken us a week to get two episodes into the gamemaster fight
#out of three. please the third episode's what makes it okay im fighting for my life out here#it is NOT for lack of trying on my part but theres only a brief window of time when the olympics is not happening#and as it turns out the watchthrough is Not my mom's first priority (how dare she etc)#i do feel slightly bitter that we've gotten through two eps of band o brothers in the same time#we are fighting for the same timeslots yet somehow the hour long show's gotten a leg up??#you don't have time for a 23 min ep but DO for a 60 min one?? explain the math to me please#idk how to explain the vague feeling of betrayal bc it Does Not make sense Nor matter in the slightest#but cmonnnn we were doing so well. and my little bro's starting up school again soon and my dad's gotta go back to work#sometimes eventually (<- hes on medical leave) and my grandparents are coming over next week We're Losing Time Soon#ughhh if i'd known the olympics were happening (<- somehow completely oblivious to this) i'd have accounted for#my mom getting whisked away by the land of synchronized divers and shot putters and whatever the hell#happens in the summer olympics (<- only pays attention to winter olys)#bc that always happens. and *i* have to go back to school in Some Amount Of Time Im Too Scared To Check (p sure it's late aug though) and#when that happens i'll (hopefully) be stuck across town which means we won't be able to do it any time besides the weekends#and i don't wannaaaaa#i know this is the least important problem anyone's ever had like i get that i know but#it's important to me that they sit down and watch this with me. and watching it pull apart and being#the one who's easily the most invested it makes me look all desperate when i ask them for their time and they can't give it#we can only pull this off neatly in the summer and we were so close and now we're losing it right at the finish line#i don't want life to get in the way of this little bubble i've fought so hard to make y'know#and it's childish and embarrassing and whatever but i just want them to have fun with me with this thing i care about a lot#but i can't do that bc my mom needs to watch the judo matches at Every weight class#even though she's recording a lot of them? i don't understand but whatever i know it's her thing im just moping about it ig#i want it to be as perfect an experience for them as possible and it's slipping away from me#and i don't wanna leave this project unfinished when i start school y'know. sighh#i think they might feel like i only want them around when we're watching stuff. whcih is weird bc that's like#The Singular Way we family bonded literally my whole life so idk why they wouldn't get that when reversed#but either way that IS how i wanna spend time with them. i want them to understand this thing that's become a part of me#and i wanna talk With them about it. and so far it's been fun in a way it's never been before. my mom at least seems to really like it#and i want it to Keep going well bc if we lose momentum im worried they'll start finding it tedious. sighh
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Hello ♡ It's been a while!
It's been over a year I think? I haven't kept track tbqh
I'm not really back, because I want to be noncommittal as possible (since I have a tendency to disappear when my motivation to write does)
But this is me saying that I'm finally working on under the rose again! ♡
I'd all but abandoned it months ago, but yesterday I had a burst of energy and managed to write a couple hundred words. Tonight, the total is 1300. It's not much, but it's a start!
I don't talk about my personal life for many reasons, but this year has been one of the most difficult I've ever experienced. The last thing on my mind has been Will and Azul, as much as I wish they'd kept occupying every inch of it like they used to.
That spark is coming back, I think! ♡ (More in the tags since this is getting long)
#I have lots of plans for this story since what I have published is barely one third of the entire thing#It works in three acts if I'm remembering my outline correctly. I'm still re-familiarizing myself with it#But yes I do intend on trying to get part 2 of ch. 9 out in the coming weeks!#I also wanted to continue the Ruby x Bobby x Stef love triangle in a band au setting but I'm seeing that the app is gone?#I cannot even begin to describe how upset I am that S1-3 are all gone before I was able to replay properly#Not to do a sharp turn but it's been a very taxing year mentally and I want to start the new year off by trying to work on a resolution#Which is finishing a fic! I don't know if I'll finish it in 2024 but I'm determined to write as much as I'm able#Anyway I will still be a fandom recluse but I'm excited to catch up on all the writing I've missed ♡#Posting this and going promptly to sleep ♡ (Insomnia is a huge part of UTR's conception LOL)
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meowdy... <3
#i'm so close to caught up on everyone's lovely art and fics ;_; hghghgh and if you've sent an ask i'll answer it soon!!#[to the one person who knows who she is: KJSNKJN. KJSNDKJNDKJ. AAAAAA???? (positive)]#i've been very avoidant lately of online spaces ;; pt has been hard on my wrists so i haven't been able to work much on my plushie#and typing has been just as hard -- if it isn't the pain it's the inflamed nerves wrecking my hand-eye coordination#so i think i'm pressing keys when i'm not or i'm pressing all of the wrong keys. so it takes me twice as long to type anything ;;#i'm hoping we're building a good rapport tho and finding an equilibrium between Not Pushing Enough#and TOO MUCH TOO MUCH OW OW OW (week-long whole-arm nerve pain) kjsnfkjn so. i hope that means i'll be able to type regularly again soon!!!#we're just in the learning phase of both of us figuring out what my nerves can handle without exploding lmao. turns out: not much!!#i really want to talk to people again rghhhh i miss everyone sm!!! i keep being like 'wow i'm so lonely i wonder why that is'#<- has been disconnected from friends for many weeks#i WAS finally able to finish ren's face tho! very slowly! and i'm close to done w the body embroidery!!!#excited to have that done. not excited to start hand sewing. wish i had a working sewing machine even if i could only sit at it#for a few minutes at a time sjdfnskjn life could be a dream...#HENNYWAISE. hopefully i will soon have my carpal tunnel and pinched nerves reined in. my mars anniv is tomorrow#and i don't have anything to show for it bc of my wrists so. blows a kiss into the sky for her <3 my beloved oc-ified oushirou KJNSDKJN#i'm rambling and dont want to edit things bc pain from today's appointment ok i love u byebye 👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -#<- just in case
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i'm working on the next wwaitsoatl chapter, which as i've previously mentioned is by FAR my most involved story as far as, like, technical process goes. i finished the second draft of the chapter and went "god, wow, this is all shit, this all sucks so bad, i'm never gonna be able to make anything usable out of this" and then stepped away for a few hours and now i'm midway through the first editing pass and i just keep going "oh my god. oh my god. holy Shit this is gonna bang so fucking hard once i fix it all. oh this is gonna go so hard there's so much potential. fuck YES oh my GOD my HORRIBLE LITTLE BITCHES ARE BACK-"
#the 'this is shit. this is awesome. i am shit. i am awesome. this is shit. i am awesome' process. it will repeat several more times#eda is saying some of the worst things she can possibly think of to darius. it's messy. it's delightful.#think like. princess AU hunter and amity terrorism except more justified more neurotic and more middle-aged#i don't know when i'll finish this chapter bc like i said. editing takes hours and hours and HOURS. but.#i like being excited about this story again. for months it's been making me horrifically anxious but now i'm like YES GOD. YES#(the anxiety wasnt bc of the story itself it was just bc. uh. i'm diseased and scared i can't measure up anymore)#(in terms of writing quality. i don't want this story to have a game of thrones nosedive in quality just bc my immune system is fucked.)#(nothing worse than over 1300 subscribers being able to peg your cognition declining. but i'm feeling a lot better these days so.)#(fingers crossed.)#toh#i don't know how many people are even gonna come back to read it since the show's been over for 9 months and it's been#that long since the last update too. ppl who conceived children when i last updated are having their babies right now.#but. if some of u guys are still sticking around. that will be enough <3
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i feel like i've been having more and more days where i don't do anything at all, just sit about feeling drained and mildly sad. part of me hopes there's one singular issue causing this (e.g. my sleep schedule) and once i fix it everything will be easy, but i really doubt it's as simple as that.
#friday chats#might be adhd might be burnout might be poor sleep might be pots etc etc etc. i don't know how i'm supposed to do college at this rate#which is a whole other distressing thought#it's not even just productive things it's hobby things as well!#i want to finish this oneshot and post it but i don't have the energy to write#and it's less about feeling guilty for not doing things (though that is an element)#it's more distress at wanting to do them but not feeling able to#i'm just really worried about a lot of things basically#it's 7:40 pm and i'm considering going to bed soon. i doubt i'll be able to sleep through the night but it's a start maybe
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Megaman Ships
Don't read this if you're expecting me to mention Classic or Starforce at all.
My ships... I have art stashed but it's really weird. The environment of the internet has shifted drastically over the years, and I think some people take things too seriously. But... I ship things. I'm not trying to make a big deal about it, just want to gush about the stuff I like. :) (and don't like)
The X series
I really love the X series to bits! I actually don't ship any of the characters here. I think they're all precious in their own way, though. X and Zero, as a kid, I never really shipped.
But I guess things change over time.
Some people make some wondrous content showing how close the two could actually be. It's endearing...
I don't like Iris's writing or how some people insist she's The One To Ship With Zero. Even if it's suggested like... in minute ways, I just... dunno. It feels like the devs wanted people to ship X and Zero but it was too GAY so they made a female X and said "have at it." Which... is so weird? Everything Zero could've liked about Iris, we see X exhibit those exact traits, AND MORE. It could be the "Zero just might be a heterosexual so he isn't into X", but I mean, if Dmmd taught me anything, it's that seeking out female versions of the guy you're totally not into doesn't work out.
Alia is a cool character! Reducing her to simply X's flat and 2D love interest was... depressing. I loved how she had a kill streak in x6! It made her super interesting. Idk what happened in... was it x8? Like, get that game away from me.
Axl is a cutie pie but he's more husbando material than he is shipping material for me. He just wants to sit at the cool kid's table and managed to nab a seat...
I dunno.
Layer is hot tho ha
aha
haha
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The Zero series
I lost my fucking mind with this series. I went from "I don't ship robots in this cool game" to just mix and matching everyone in every which-way.
Some weirdo freaks got me into shipping Omega Zero with Copy X. Do not ask how that is logical or what could possibly be their dynamic. I just like the aesthetic. It makes no sense. They didn't coexist in the same room. Ever.
Ciel x Fefnir is like my guilty ship. Most of my AUs seem to naturally form some sort of organic bond between them subconsciously. Fefnir, though a hot head, seems like the kind of guy who's a good sport. I like the idea of little ol' Ciel crushing on the football player lookin guy, and he thinks that she's adorable in her own right. You know - X's whole inherent love of humans or whatever I probably made up. That's my justification.
I obviously ship Harpuia and Zero.
Where some people find cyberelf X and Zero to be top shelf, I raise the offer "yes but he can actually touch Harpuia without absorbing him like every other cyberelf". (I will admit I love shipping Cyberelf X with Zero in that very strange maternal-esque "I will embrace your corpse so that you may rest forever" edgelord shit. I snort it daily don't worry.)
Harpuia rescuing Zero for no Fucking Reason in z2 fucked me up. Why'd you do that? What'd you do that for? You picked him up and rode on your shitty little bird to drop him off at the correct address, so you even knew where Ciel and friends were staying? Right after Zero off'd your beloved X? Yeah? You did that why? (I know it's probably related to that whole chapter where Harpuia is nearly a better ruler than Copy X and just makes all the right choices in contrast to his previous ruler blah blah blah) But what if it's because he has programmed into him the same unbreakable love for Zero (platonically) that X had? We know that the guardians get some sort of weird high when fighting Zero so... why not further fuck up that interpretation of X and Zero's relationship?
I really like portraying Harpuia as being the only one who didn't completely cave in and go bonkers from battling Zero. He just sort of kept it inside. Poorly. And it comes out in small amounts via weird actions. Leviathan I portray mostly as a kid with a magnifying glass over some ants, Fefnir as the kinda guy to just be an adrenaline junkie, and Phantom thought it was a flaw in his programming so he blew up.
Cyberelf X and Copy X is GOOD SHIT MM THAT'S SOME GOOD SHIT 👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit
My only justification of it is either Cyberelf X hates his guts or is Copy X's only friend. And Copy X's emotions are already fucked up like every other inch of his programming.
Ciel and Copy X though I ship them in a familial sense. He's obsessed with protecting her and Ciel is like "I made him! :)" I've got some pics lying around (they're gone) of Ciel reading ancient books to Copy X while he lays in her bed at night. She says it's to help him sleep, but since that isn't How Reploids Work, he's really there to pretend to fall asleep when he notices Ciel is about to. Then when she passes out he stares at her all night, stroking her hair. Like a freak. But please, it's not romantic; I do not want it to be at all. I just want him to be weird.
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ZX series.
Get your tomatoes ready. I'm finna make an ass outta myself. ;(
OG Prometheus and Aile is a new ship. I can't... explain this one? I don't know.
The AU I'm writing has Grey retreive the original body plans for Prometheus and Pandora from the lab he was made in, near end game before Prometheus and Pandora bite the bucket. Presuming that Flueve and friends aboard the Guardian can make bodies themselves (fuck you I don't think Ciel was making new bodies for everyone solo), Grey asks Aile if they can give Pandora and Prometheus a second chance, since they're likely controlled by Model W. She says "what are you smoking". I just like Grey to be selfless in the dumbest ways imaginable.
Pandora and Prometheus dies. I think it is stupid that they get left behind, so I imagine that he used model F megaman form thing to drag them out (like how Aile should've done herself in the first game) flops their corpses at Aile's doorstep and is like "I got the EC to pay for this." And shenanigans happen. They rebuild their old bodies, do some wacky techno shit with their DNA and put it in the new bodies akin to how reploids age in canon (assumption). Prometheus and Pandora wake up as normal ass people.
But they're also lowkey enlsaved by the Guardians because like uhh um uhh ummm "you owe us. but forever" and they're ok with this and something about duplicating model w don't ask It's fucking stupid I'm insecure about it but they can megamerge into their old forms but aren't allowed to go ape shit and prometheus and aile become sorta close in that antagonizing way because she has to watch him closely while pandora hangs out with grey like a little brother and it's all warm and fuzzy and they have no problems (i stole the idea from the stupid japanese site's weird little roleplay things) that's her little buddy you know and don't worry about it i just ship aile and prometheus
My Girouette ships are off limits. I'd be sentenced to death.
I ship Siarnaq and Grey because my AI roleplay partner shoved it onto me with rose prose and I was like "... you know what? this will work". My ship count is being dominated by the sheer number of AUs and oneshots I've written about those two. Ask and I will divulge
some
of them. But otherwise I'm mmgngngjghgngmgnggnmgngm Really Grey being an unaging kid complicates things. I'm pretty sure he doesn't have a life span, and I do not subscribe to the "reploids naturally grow" head canon because it's pretty stupid to think technology got that far when it was stated in-game that it isn't. that's like Legends shit.
I ship Thetis one-sided with Aile because it's Extremely Funny. No other reason.
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Legends series
I don't really ship anything I just think everyone is precious and adorable. I Guess I like the dynamic between Tronn Bonne and Volnuttsack. It's neat. I don't think about it beyond seeing it on the screen though.
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Exe Series
Uh. Hm.
I just really like Megaman.exe himself. I don't ship anyone consciously...???? I think I just admire them all from afa-
No
I ship Zero.exe with Zero.
I ship it really bad.
#lana please shut up#text post#this post was inevitable#i've been putting it off for so long and it's spilling into the wrong channels#i started garbling at my brother about it and he could be heard raising his eyebrow#like little girl i am not intersted in your female habits#please seek that affirmation elsewhere i am not it#but he did at least agree with me that iris is a poorly written character#ciel x zero is okay - i get it's canon to a degree at least one sided#i did think that ciel scavenging zero's body to make girouette and his eyesight was fucked by the impact but she didn't want to fix it#because it's ZERO'S EYES OMGGGG seems like a silly thing#and then alouette pinning after him even after she gets her new body as prairie#that jives with me#idk why i didn't mention it above but man that's just really cute#i know alouette had a thing for zero but#i also wrote her as being insecure about not being able to grow up#and ciel started working on her new body but after zero died she still wasn't finished#and that fucked alouette up#and so ciel decided “i'll finish alouette's new body AND put zero back together”#and you see how that turned#out#if you don't ship neige and craft we actually factually can't be friends#they're the perfect love story#get you a man that can snipe a political leader from outerspace and is likely 7 feet tall#yeah sure there wer ea fuck ton of casualties but thats ok he meant well
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ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏
#haunted ecosystem#i'll take a burst of creativity in a different form than usual than the burnout slump i've been in for a few months#<- part of why my fandom stuff has taken a smidge of a backseat#dont get me wrong i am still very excited about my fandoms im just having fun off in oc hell (affectionate)#its nice to just be able to create and not really worry about perception. and also i feel Less bad about just throwing ocs into the wringer#((blame the fact i've been REALLY interested in whump recently and i have been. fixated. on one of my characters.))#and ALSO i've been! rekindling my flame for wtds. i've been putting off thinking about it since that fic got.#nothing bad happened? but it was still very devastating that somebody who i considered a friend from that fic just. evaporated.#but i'm gonna finish that fic for him :) even if it takes a year. even if it's the one thing i finish ever. it'll be wtds.#for where its gotten me and the fact its what got me out of my shell and is the reason i trust that my writing is good!#i used to really hate rereading my work. i catch flaws that are obvious to me. but that fic. i just think about how *good* the story is#that story means. a lot to me? as a person? like the main character is not a good person. but people care about him anyway.#and there are so many little things. so many sentiments. so much that is a love letter to people who've done bad but learnt to do better#because. god knows i wasnt a good person even just a few years ago. and maybe i see myself in him a bit.#he came from a place of paranoia and fear and pain. and maybe its a good thing that i've found it difficult to write him recently.#because god. i've been HAPPY. even with the rough moments and bad days. i've been happy. i mean fuck.#my birthday's what. ten days away? god damn man. i'm going to be 18. that's an achievement.#i want to look the kid who thought it was over at half my age and tell him we fucking made it. and there are more years to come.#there's a life ahead. even if it's going to be a bitch. even if it's going to be tough. there's love in your heart and people who care and#you're going to fucking live and you're going to feel better one day. you have people to meet properly and thank and cherish.#because for every day it feel like the world's ending there are a dozen more where the sun shines just the right way through the rain#and you can't help but smile because it's just so god damn beautiful.#and fuck it. you're sick. your hands hurt and your legs don't work right. and it's tough sometimes. but you have people who understand.#you have people who honest to god love you for who you are and appreciate your company. and 18 is the first step.#you've spent half your life unlearning things and you've spent half your life relearning how to be what YOU want to be#and if you're a mediocre artist and passionate writer then you'll be fucking great at that. taking the time to learn when it strikes you.#and maybe this is for me. but its also for anybody reading it too. please god if there's one thing you take from this let it be that#somebody out there cares. *I* care. god i care. even if we've never spoken proper i care about you.#i practically have a list of everybody i see in my inbox. i love seeing familiar names show up. i.#i dont know how to neatly wrap up this tag ramble. but. i am so damn full of love it hurts sometimes. its scary to be happy but thats ok!
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