#I don't feel any older lol
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I can legally drink now wtaf 😭
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#my little brother is engaged :/#don’t know if any of you remember me posting about the whole situation like 8 months ago but i feel soo weird#and sad because i want to b happy for him but he’s six yrs older than her and she’s 19..#or i guess twenty now maybe whatever i feel so aggh. and he moved to a different country so i just feel like i’m never gonna see him again#like i knew this was coming they’re both super religious so i was like yeah they’re going to want to get married and have kids fast but.#it just feels crazy. i know that’s selfish but i have such a bad gut feeling about it that i can’t shake#but i can’t do anything about it so. idk. i just feel so lonely when things like this happen because i don't have anyone outside of the#family bubble to talk to about it. and obviously everyone else is like super happy for them. and it's not that i don't like her! i just#don't really? know her? at all which feels weird because we are a very close sibling group and i feel like i know & get on with my other#siblings' partners. i think it's partly like i just don't ever hang around people who are under twenty so she feels really young to me#which isn't her fault obviously but. do feel kind of scared for her getting married at twenty so she can start having babies.... idk idk#and obviously on top of that it's my younger brother so it does feel a little salt in the wound that he's moving on with his life and i am#counting it a win these days if i don't want to kms every three minutes#god it just sucks lol and i can't talk about it 2 anyone so i am venting here
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"likes don't do anything" they do
"there's no algorithm" there is
"well nobody uses the for you tab" I do
"reblog all art and fics you see" there's no thought put into that. if this does work on people, then it's just pity engagement borne out of guilt rather than genuine interest, which is arguably worse than having none, because it's totally hollow.
#if I make art of my ocs who I'm personally fond of and spent a few days drawing just right and it gets 3 reblogs then it gets 3 reblogs#it's rational to feel a little disappointed sure. but I can't do anything about that. it's just luck#and I got Very lucky accumulating a few thousand followers on my main-turned-art-only blog off the back of when m.oomin was very popular#(tho realistically many of those users are probably inactive/passive followers now)#and having this number of people tuned into my posts Still only gets me a couple dozen notes on original stuff.#every 3 years or so something might blow up. like that bugs bunny comic lol. and I did Not expect it to#especially bc it happened about a year after I shared it as well.#it can happen any time. so don't feel discouraged when your art doesn't get noticed right away#the one advantage this website has is that there's far less of a fomo culture compared to other socials where trends come and go in a week#and people will still interact with older posts. especially bc it's easier to find what you want through the tagging system. sort of.#there's really no way to predict this or aim for large engagement! oh unless you're specifically catering to the current hot topic#like d.unmeshi is wiiiildly popular right now. I've seen comics get 5-digit notes in under 48 hours 'cause more eyes are on it.#but if it's not something you personally like and you're only creating things for the attention then you're gonna be unhappy#and people will inevitably move on.#I'd much rather swing my art back around every few months or so until it finds someone it resonates with#than make people who were never planning to engage with it feel bad for no reason
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BIRTHDAY TIME 🎂
Guess who's 26 now? 🥳
#Honestly I don't feel any older than when I was 23 but you know#But heeey#I'M THE BIRTHDAY GIRL 🥳#Gotta update my age on all my blogs lol#Sosme
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hi guys please wish me luck for my college entrance exam tomorrow for one of my dream schools xoxo
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#LET'S GOOO MGA PAREH 💙🦅💙🦅💙🦅💙🦅#i'm so chill for some reason even if ik i will never forgive myself if i don't get in. anyway. manifesting!!! i will pass with flying colors#IT'S REAL DAMN STRESSFUL FOR ME bcs i am aiming for honors courses which means i have to be top 15%... i am top 15% (and higher) in my batch#in school anyway but... urgh...#so. yeah. give me all your best wishes thankyousomuchxoxo AHHEHEHWHSHFJAH sobbing (but fr. if you do. i really appreciate it!!)#i believe in myself :] mostly. the time limit scares me and math and abstract reasoning bcs 5 minutes for 30 items but yeah. okay.#i am Smart ..... bro i literally got perfect on my physics exam and got 100 in statistics (i am really proud of these in particular)#my extracurriculars are good !! all my math scores are insane (cue a math nerd) and science (science nerd) english (god. no explanation#needed) honestly every subject is slay and so is my essay-making but ERGH. honors course... top 15%...#i will try to be chill! honestly i am already lol the nerves aren't getting to me somehow. gl to me and all that i know and do not know.#both here and irl :3 also to fellow ph kids (who are most likely younger than me if they aren't older and yk not worrying abt cets anymore#LMFAO) err idk if . okay idk what i was going to say LMFAO anyway i'm busy af and idk if i'm good with teaching others#but if you ever want any tips from me (honestly i don't really have tips. i do what i do and just make it. but there's a lot involved there)#feel free to come to me for anything ^_^ anything at all tbh. doesn't have to be acads idk i like helping others in general. BUT IT DEPENDS.#but yeah just hmu whatever i will have you know i am genuinely a smart & responsible kid and i am proud of that bcs my family is amazing w#smarts but also the Hard Work is there so :3 !! english is my forte science is my forte math is my forte. also socsci and whatever tbh.#i'm probably insane but i genuinely love all those topics and what we learn in school FISHFK so yeah !!! okay i shut up now#will do my best... zzz... and then i will work on myself. to be better than i already am and even better than i could possibly be. ya. fun!#the mga pareh is a joke btw i like imitating filipino kids like that. like yooo mga pareh let's goooooo wahee!!!!!
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delving into fic for larger fandoms is always such a gamble for me bc I know it will just be riddled with ooc writing which is quite possibly my biggest ick, especially when it comes to romance (I get that fantasies are a thing but... I like my smut canon compliant lmao what can I say??)
#I am sooooo picky when it comes to fic that way#honestly the writing style/level/length doesn't matter nearly as much as whether the characters actually feel like themselves on some level#I also feel like the kotor fandom has spoiled me that way since it's smaller &older and I feel like we've all got a grasp on the characters#even for newcomers idk I just don't encounter ooc-ness as much??#yet I've backed out of so many bg3 fics the moment certain characters talk or do something bc I just KNOW they would never do that &I just#*sigh*#if anyone has any vetted bg3 fic recs pls send them my way lol#I'm not even picky about ships or themes or anything I just don't want to wade through the poorly tagged readerfic anymore I'm scarred
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desperately hugging you after not seeing you for 15+ months as if my body remembered that the thought of this hug had comforted me when i felt cold and imagining helped me feel safe, helped me feel warm, helped me sleep, and still helps me sleep sometimes. is it no wonder i let my mind fantasise about you in a different way now? i don't wish that ever comes out in any interaction with you. but, i know any desire to stay in, develop, and grow that social club will just be an excuse to be around you. i want being there to feel as safe as the imaginary you makes me feel. i do wish you were mine, but i know you were made by hands warmer than mine, and time. someone who was mine, and my age, made by me, would not be of your quality of gold. if i want you, or someone like you, i have no choice but to start by knowing myself better, even if i don't really want to. i guess i have to want to.
#hugging you and shying away from further touch because a) slow reaction and#b) if i could let loose around you i would never let go of you and i'm not allowed to do that.#is this better or is like... living in a crowded apartment block where everyone gossips and nobody has any privacy better?#you know like wong kar wai's in the mood for love#at the social club - nobody cares to look except for you. and it's nervewracking to be observed by you.#actually -- no-one steps out to care for me. or each other. except for you. but everyone looks.#i guess it's nice now -- because... no familiar faces there except for you and some other people a little older than me.#i would ask you what cologne you use and it would become my favourite smell.#it made me so happy lol it was so strong on your hand and even by touch you left so much on my shoulder until i had to wash that jumper#i would sniff it and be happier#am i okay? am i okay? i thought i was in a good time. am i okay? ground myself. don't float away. i have access to institutions#that can help me. that's something. the more established the systems or groups i'm a part of the more grounded i feel.#i don't know if it should be that way.#i hope i don't do something crazy and dangerous just for some sense of connection to something greater than myself.#i wonder how it looked from the outside. the 'girl' who went out and picked up some guy. for the thrill of it. for exploration. for#curiosity. and she couldn't anymore. it was bound to happen. i was floating away -- and i was saved. by a generous system.#a generous... country...#omelas...#it was bound to happen. or i would have ended up honestly probably abusing substances or something.
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Some practice cause i hardly remember how to draw in my usual comic fashion anymore👀👀👀
Apparently I drew these Strikes over a year ago now!? wow!!
#wake of the clash#webcomic#comic art#superhero#oc#original character#i feel like my style has been permanently altered in the past year from drawing other stuff lol#such is the way of things. i've had to adjust to drawing things much more quickly and less cleanly but more expressively and it shows.#i don't take my time very much any more which comes with mixed feelings#gotta go fast though!!#i don't think this and the pencils in the link illustrate the difference in that change but if i look at my older clean art i feel it!#things that don't change though: i still love Strike the most >:^D#I should draw Glass for fun too eehehe#my shoes have leveled up
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I think one last #discourse ban violation before I go literally touch grass (it's such a nice day out! I'm going to run an errand and then go to the bookstore to pick up the first in the next series I'm starting and then I'm going to go to the park and come home and have an actually focused writing evening -- for realsies this time, I've said that like two weeks in a row and I've managed like 800 total words...)
I think I'm never going to be as bothered as the #Bros yelling on instagram and youtube because god, I just have such a love/hate....mostly hate....relationship with James Luceno that I don't particularly give a shit about his ideas being superseded. They're crying about 'well, um actually Darth Plagueis...' like who cares if the gay witches did it first, Darth Plagueis isn't that special.
Did I enjoy reading it? Yeah. But it is also a...pretty sexist book. And also I didn't make it past 35% of Cloak of Deception because a POV character (can't remember if it was Qui-Gon or Obi-Wan at that point and I don't want to have to reread that paragraph to find out) described Adi Gallia as 'exotic' and it gave me the ick, as the youths say, so bad I DNFed and am hesitant on picking up any of his other books. So like. Yeah I kinda think James Luceno deserves to have his ideas overridden by cult of lesbians. I don't really care about him.
*I also acknowledge that as someone whose favorite recent star wars content has been Visions, I have a particularly high tolerance for flexibility in 'canon' and worldbuilding. Like who cares, why are you guys yelling about this so much XD
#the real answer is they're just mad it's not For Them anymore#ban violation#star wars#the acolyte discourse#ugh i feel bad about contributing on such a nice saturday but for real why are they so mad XD#fuck james luceno lol#and also as i say in that original post from when i first read DP like i'm willing to put up with a lot#like you have to just be able to roll with a lot when you're reading older genre fiction that's just a fact#and i did enjoy DP...it is just like i don't get why people care so much#it's also decidedly not canon i know people are big mad about legends being swept away but sorry it's been years at this point accept it#also this doesn't invalidate any of my other critiques like of the story structure#but on this point in particularly it's just funny because i was like UM RAD and then as soon as i venture outside my bubble#the bros are like BIG mad about the cool shit why are they so mad XD
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Baby fever so bad I've been thinking about the ideal number of kids for characters. What is wrong with me.
#no main tag#anyway. I think for freddy it would depend. he's the anxious type- so having just one kid would be a lot for him#I'd imagine his decision of having another baby would be impacted a lot by how the first kid went#if everything was mostly alright he'd be all for it- if shit went sideways he would forever dread having a second one#fred doesn't like children. so... he probably wouldn't have any if not tied to freddy. and even then would insist on only one#chica... I think she'd like two. I've heard headcanons that she has younger siblings#and I see her as the type to want to want that for her children too#although I also imagine she would want to have her kids later in life... mid 30s maybe#fox I also see as someone who wouldn't really want kids- especially since I headcanon him as trans#he doesn't want to be pregnant and he doesn't want to dedicate years of his life raising a child#when he already spent most of his childhood having to take care of meg since they didn't have any parents#maybe if his partner wanted to adopt. and they adopted a slightly older child instead of a baby. but that's a big maybe#bonnie... I'm not too sure honestly. I feel like he values his freedom and would want to enjoy his youth#but I don't think he'd be against having a kid or two (maybe even three)#also I find the idea of him having lots of kids funny because. bunny lol#so idk about him#golden meanwhile I fully believe would want a big family. he felt so alone growing up and he's so starved for love#so he dreams of having his own family with lots of kids living in a big house and being very happy <3#I think he'd be happy with up to five kids lmao. although he understands if his partner would rather have less#he'd definitely want at least two though. he always thought having a sibling would've made his childhood less lonely and sad#so he wants that for his own babies :')#I was going to say more characters but now I'm embarrassed lol goodnight
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#update for my friends here#(and then I gotta go read aristotle lol)#I'm doing ok. I think maybe I've made some friends here. particularly a couple of girls on my hall who have been very kind to me.#wish my emotions would come back and be normal#and by 'normal' I mean not just random crying whenever I try to sit still and think for a few minutes.#there's so much happening. my heart is pulled so many ways. I'm not sure how to resolve any of it.#and I'm aching for resolution.#but I think God is trying to show me how much more I still haven't done or experienced#even though a lot of times I feel like I've lived all of life there is to live and there's nothing left anymore.#I wish I had more trustworthy people in my life who are older than me and can help speak into this experience.#I need to call my parents and siblings back home. I miss them.#I keep questioning my decision to come here. maybe I should've stayed home.#I don't know. maybe it's all an exercise in trust.#I'm still afraid most of the time I think. I wish I could put that fear to death. I wish I could just lean back and trust.#everything just moves so fast.#if any of my post-college (undergrad at least) friends would like to give me tips for slowing down and being intentional with life#and relationships and stuff#during this phase of life--I am extremely open to hearing about them!#love you all <3
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Idk if this is okay, but can I ask for prayers to be financially responsible? I impulse splurged on in-game currency and I’m regretting it so much now
Yeah, dude! Of course!
Games that have micro transactions like that can be a hard place to fall into, and while I recommend avoiding them entirely (i.e. gacha games/loot boxes), and deleting the games like that you have, once you're in, it can be hard to get out. They're designed to be predatory like that (same vein as gambling addictions).
We all have our strengths and weaknesses. For some people finances come naturally (like my mother) and for others it's a struggle (like my father). A good first step towards financial responsibility is recognizing what is a good or bad purchase, and then learning to recognize when the feeling to buy is an impulse, then learning to ride the urge wave (like sleeping on it, or spending time imagining how upset you'll be in a day, week, month, from now if you don't make that purchase). A "Does this purchase spark genuine joy or just something exciting in the monkey-brain moment?" if you will.
I'll be praying for you. You've got this *thumbs up*
#ghost answers#404 user not found#listen i am an older sister my default is talk and do not shut up#if you really want to you can budget for a gacha game#like set a set amount of your income aside for it#and don't go over that#if that's what brings genuine joy to your time#but if you're feeling bad when you play i'd say take steps to get away#i do play a gacha game btw i just don't have any desire to spend money on it#instead i have other vices lol#like unsolicited advice
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I downloaded an app that I think is meant to be used for like, detailed food tracking or something, but I instead really just wanted something with this format (color coded calendar days) so I could put in one single simple entry a day to kind of rate my day overall (based on physical health symptoms).. which..... looking back over it for the new year since when I first started tracking.. 9 "good" days in about 9 months, so roughly one good day a month LOL...
#A neutral/yellow day is if I felt sick or had any symptoms (nausea. joint pains. headahces. etc.)#to a distracting degree for at least an hour or more at any point in the day - YET it was not so severe or so distracting#that i was completely unable to get anything done. An orange day is if I was so sick or felt so bad#that I completed absolutely nothing that day because my primary focus was basically spending the entire day on whatever#was wrong with me or recovering from that. And a green day is a day that - even if maybe i had a few aches or pains - I was never any#noticable or distracting amount of sick - PLUS - i also got a reasonable amount of things done.#If I don't feel very sick yet I also lack the energy or mental wellness to complete daily tasks then it still counts as a yellow day.#So I guess like.. Yellow is if health was ok but focus was bad OR focus was okay but health was distracting. Green is BOTH focus and#health were mostly okay for a majority of the day with no major setbacks. And Orange is zero focus whatsoever because health is too bad.#There are also 5 categories. the worst is a super dark red and then best is a super bright green but I don't like using them#You have to select a bright red (x_x) emoji face to classify your day as dark red. and I dont like the implication of a 'dead' person face#because of my ocd lmao... it makes me afraid it's some habringer of death (if I select it for that day then somehting terrible will happen#the next day or whatever lol) *** *** *** - so I never use that one. I also feel like the MOST extreme categories should be reserved for#super extreme circumstance like.. I would only do a dark red day if I was literally hospitlaized or something. And same with the bright#green days like.. that would imply I guess that i was both suuuuper productive ANd had basically no symptoms at all all day. like a#Very Very Good day. and I just think that's not even possible. no day ever goes by without me feeling at least a little sick or achey at#SOME point lol... A day with NO headahces or issues or etc would be.... wow... mythical occurence..#I have definitely gotten worse as I got older but even at like 15 or 16 years old I used to take ibuprophen a ton (I dont anymore of course#for stomach reasons lol) and remember having various minor problems here and there I was bothered by a lot#AAANYWAY.. also I count 44 'bad' days ghb... that's losing like.. at least one entire month of time a year.. maybe this is why I have so mu#much trouble getting things done and finishing my projects. BUT thats the point and why I wanted to track that. to like.. see it all laid#out at the end of the year. Maybe I could even compare years. Even though I started late in 2023. It'd be interesting to have a#yearly record of how many good vs. bad vs. neutral days I had in any given year.#(app is called 'Moodflow' on android phones. in case anyone sees this and asks. though I cant vouch for it or any of the features or anythi#ng since.. again. i literally ONLY use the one single feature of rating calendar days. I look at nothing else on there. And I keep my data#off and phone in airplane mode basically at all times so I never get ads on apps. Sometimes i'll mention liking some puzzle game or somethi#and then someone else is like 'yeah i love it but OMG so many ads' and I'm just like.. yeagh.... not for me lol.. but sorry to you. that#sounds annoying certainly..) ANYWAY.. auuugh... a sea of yellow neutrality. better than a sea of orange though. so :'3c
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*flopped down on a couch w/a glass bottle of apple juice to make it look like i'm drinking beer*
yeah... yeah i'm fine.... just coming to terms w/the fact that i must use javascript in order to achieve my vision w/the neocities...
#the main reason i haven't just abandoned this particular aspect of the Vision(tm) is bc it would be useful for like.#more than one thing. so it's like. le sigh.#(reading the documentation for tippy tooltips tonight so that i can sleep on it n try to implement it tmrw or something)#why is it always js.... please god spare me at least a Little bit of suffering here i'll never sin again etc etc#speaking of sin i've started speaking more candidly abt my queerness w/the kids at work this week#it's nice to talk to the older kids (as in fifth grade or older) bc even tho like. nine years old is when they start to be tolerable#they lack awareness n life experience. today i told the older kids that i like men but in a gay way#n one of them was like 'i don't get it' n then i reminded her of Gender:tm: n she was like 'ohhhh i get it'#n the two guys also listening were like 'what. i still don't get it.' ONE OF THEM ASKED ME IF I WAS AMAB ACTUALLY LOL#n i was like 'what? that's not important.' but that was really surprising! kids usually read me as female#so it was kind of flattering in a way to be asked 'were you born a boy?' like idk how he's trying to process my gender#but i'm going to flatter myself into thinking the question comes from him like. idk clocking some kind of innate masculinity or w/e idk#花話#anyway it's Crazy that it took me almost a year to not feel like i'd get instantly fired for telling kids i'm queer#Not going to lie it really felt like i'd never get to this point but it really is kinda just once you start it gets easier#(though to be fair i also wouldn't have told Any of the kids Anything had one of them not started acting like 'gays' was a dirty word)#(n i just Looked at him n said 'you know i'm a queer right?' n he was like 'O_O')#when i worked at homophobic summer camp i do remember daydreaming abt telling my boss i was a 'flaming queer'#i'd have put my feet up on her desk n everything as i made direct eye contact w/her but ofc i never did anything like that.#anyway! i will slep now so that i can get back to work on my projects tmrw morning
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The wind was cold, but Peter laughed and at Judas’ glance he opened his hand, revealing a small round pebble. (Judas blinked, and Peter was that young man once more, the callow country fisherman with the rough hands and a laugh like the sun.)
— the names of grass, by notbecauseofvictories
#bible fanart#fanart#simon peter#my art#sketches#gonna start drawing stuff from bible fics mlem#just cuz#so many fics to choose from ngl but today it's this one uwu#i just love the vibe of it#and also 'Judas would never be any older than he was.' punched me in the guts and called me a pussy while i cried on the floor#if you see me catching peter x judas feels because of this fic no you don't#also also choosing this fic just cuz i wanna test out the designs of other apostles lol#i already got andrew and thaddeus plus some vague ideas for the rest mlem#kinda dont like the drawing really much cuz I'm shit at watercolor but eh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#can't really do anything about that#i think that's all lol
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#im 18 but i don't feel 18 . like ik it was really stupid of me but i assumed that like. i'd feel like an adult and i don't#and it sucks bc i don't want to be like . a child but i feel like one but im NOT one and it's like everyone is older and has their life tog#ther and then theres just me. :)#and even the kids my age have like a plan and their lives together and its like man wow ok then#and idk. it's just stressful ig. like i completely burnt myself out by the endof senior year and was having frequent anxiety attacks and wa#working so so hard and managed to do at least kind of well!! and now im just. lol. like idk what im gonna do with my life and im going to m#community college and im still with my parents and i dont even know if i want to go into pharmacy like i planned for literally my entire hi#h school career and i don't have a job and i screwed up the volunteer thing i was doing a few months ago so all that networking is fucked u#and like im so so ready for it to be 5 years from now where i hopefully have my life together i want to just skip ahead but i CANTTTT and#it's literally the worst thing in the world i freak out every time i thinkabout my future in any level of specificity . like . anyway
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