#I don’t want all this work to be for nothing bc of FUCKING CHEMISTRY

[luvergirl-535]

meet cute, but, like, wayyy worse

part - 2

pairing - paige bueckers x azzi fudd

word count - 8.3k

c/w - smut (iktr), paige is a loser in the streets and a freak in the sheets (lol), lwk alcoholism sigh

a/n - writing this made me realize i’ve literally forgotten how to write smut 😔 bc why’d i keep trying to make it funny. i’m actually a little concerned that ive been doing too much unserious stuff i won’t be able to go back to normal writing anymore lmao maybe i’m the problem…

paige has had an absolute shitshow of a night. actually, scratch that—the entire year has been a shitshow. maybe even the past two years. she doesn’t like to dwell on it.

she hates the way her friends look at her these days, with cautious smiles and sympathetic eyes, like all they ever do anymore is feel bad for her. she hates the way they speak to her when she starts drinking, like she’s an unpredictable, wild thing. like they’re afraid of what she’s doing to herself.

honestly, she’s fine. they just don’t get it. the fame, the work, it’s a lot. she’s in shape. her basketball has never been better. she’s bringing girls home every night.

it’s not like she’s addicted to coke or anything. since when is it a crime to need a few beers every now and then?

(it’s every night. and some mornings, too.)

(she finds herself forgetting—birthdays, anniversaries, names—more than ever.)

(she used to fucking hate alcohol.)

(she is a little afraid of herself, too.)

anyway.

the cruise has been fun. a team-bonding experience, meant to build their chemistry off the court, to take their minds off the upcoming season for a little while. a week of relaxation. a week to destress. for paige, it’s been hard. she cannot justify sneaking off to day drink to her teammates, and they’ve been steering her clear of alcohol like their lives depend on it. she only gets to drink at night, after the rest of the girls have gotten too drunk to care about what she does. the rest of the time, she’s forced to be painfully sober.

it all goes from ‘difficult’ to ‘burning gates of hell’ when she throws up on the love of her life—who does not know she’s the love of paige’s life—azzi fudd. an angel on earth, the most beautiful girl paige has ever seen. like, better than zendaya. for real.

after that, she wants nothing more than to jump off ship and be lost at sea forever. when kk offers to take azzi back to paige’s room, she swears she could kill her.

and then, almost consecutively: her stupid little crush is exposed, she’s forced to cut a dress off azzi’s body, and then—this.

her first thought, after the phone call, is mental image of her fist pumping, because, duh. and then comes the, oh my god, i get to fuck azzi fudd, followed by a brief moment of panic, followed then by the realization that of course she is not going to fuck azzi tonight. or ever.

she is both relieved and disappointed by this knowledge.

“i’m…” azzi says, staring at her phone as if she could magically make chad call her back again. paige expects something, like maybe an explanation on why the fuck she’s telling her ex-boyfriend they are going to fuck tonight, but instead, azzi just tosses the phone onto the bed as if she’s been burned and says, “i’m going to change.”

paige has half a mind to leap in front of the door and barricade azzi in the room with her until she gets an explanation. she doesn’t, because she can barely act like a normal person around azzi, let alone confront her like that.

azzi disappears into the restroom. paige sits. and waits—not so patiently.

she pulls at a fray in the comforter until it comes loose. taps her foot against the bedframe. thinks about how azzi’s voice changed on the call—quieter, but not exactly embarrassed. maybe satisfied? there was something in it that didn’t sound like regret. that’s the part that’s screwing with her the most.

she gets up from the bed to pace, the back-and-forth a feeble attempt at wrapping her mind around what just happened. when that doesn’t work, she drops to the floor and does some sit-ups, because when she was a kid her dad told her if she let the anxiety build in her body she’d explode and that the only way to get rid of it was to do sit-ups. he’s a bitch for that, but she’s also spent a lifetime with nice abs, so she can’t really be too mad. but not even the magical sit-ups really work, so she does the last thing she can think of:

she pounds on the bathroom door.

“jesus!” azzi’s voice is high-pitched, nervous. “you tryna knock the door down?”

“uh, no,” paige says, a little unsure of what she’s going to say now that she’s here. “you’ve just been in there for awhile so…”

“don’t worry about it.”

oh, she’s worried. though not particularly about azzi. “can you just come out?”

“why?”

at this point, azzi is just playing in her face. because what does she mean, ‘why?’. is it not a normal thing to come out of the bathroom once you’re done?

the most alarming thing about all this is that paige has yet to question her undying crush, even as azzi is turning out to be a possible psycho. actually, even worse—it might be turning paige on?

now she is doubly worried. perhaps she should focus on one thing at a time.

paige’s silence must have stretched long enough to spark concern, because azzi speaks again, a hesitant, “paige?”

paige sighs, a hand on her hip and the other pinching the bridge of her nose, a pose she might have adopted from her coach. “you know you owe me an explanation, azzi.”

another sigh, as equally annoyed as paige’s, from the other side of the door. and then, its opening, and azzi’s standing there in paige’s clothes, looking altogether too soft and sweet for the diabolical things she did ten minutes prior. “i know, i just…i don’t really have one.”

paige’s eyes flick down azzi’s body without permission. the loose uconn t-shirt hangs too long on her—paige knows that shirt, it’s the one she used to let her ex borrow. something about azzi in it makes her stomach twist. not in a bad way. in the worst possible way.

paige steps back, allowing azzi back into the bedroom. “you mean you don’t have an explanation for telling your boyfriend we’d…” paige isn’t usually shy about sex, she’s a grown adult, for god’s sake, but this is azzi fudd and she can’t really find her words in normal conversation, and certainly not this one, “you know…” she trails off awkwardly.

azzi bites her lip, half-sheepish, half-trying to charm her way out of it. and, yeah, maybe it’s working a little.

paige realizes with a little bit of a start that she’s staring at azzi’s lips. she glances up and away quickly, turning around to give herself something to do before motioning to the phone on the bed. “you should…call him back.”

“hell no,” azzi sneers.

“well it’s either that or we fuck,” paige retorts before she can think. she’s glad she’s faced away so azzi can’t see the way blood flushes her cheeks.

azzi’s silent for a moment. long enough that paige almost turns around, but then she speaks. “maybe there’s another option,” she says.

paige senses trouble.

❀❀❀

kk’s jaw is on the floor.

she looks between a guilty-looking azzi and a tomato-red paige before letting out a shocked laugh. “now why would you tell him that?”

kk asking all the most important questions.

“it was the first thing that came to mind!” azzi says, voice high and defensive. paige can’t help but think it’s adorable.

“why, though?” kk asks, a small, suspect grin spreading over her face.

azzi gives her a look, something that clearly says cut it out, and paige doesn’t doubt that kk spilled all the beans about her crush to azzi earlier.

“uh-huh,” kk responds, making a small ‘mcht’ sound.

azzi gives that warning look again. “shut up, kk.”

“that isn’t even the main thing,” paige points out, jumping between their tense interaction. “what we came to tell you is azzi had an idea.” an outlandish, admittedly odd one, but an idea nonetheless.

“an idea,” kk repeats.

azzi nods. she’s hesitant, clearly, but paige has already assured her kk will be on board. she’ll laugh in their faces first, sure, but then she will help them go through with azzi’s little…plan.

“okay,” she says doubtfully. “tell me this lil’ idea.”

azzi glances nervously at paige. “well, i can’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he’s right,” she explains.

kk nods. “obviously.”

“and i can’t go back to my room tonight.”

“okay…”

“so i’m going to stay here,” she continues, taking a deep breath as in gathering courage for the teasing about to come. “and i’m going to take…suggestive pictures with paige, in paige’s bed. and we’re just hoping you can help.”

before azzi’s finished, kk’s eyebrows have already raised to her hairline. she lets out a half-shocked, half-ifuckingknewit scoff. it’s enough to have paige jumping in to try and make it look better. “her boyfriend’s really an ass, kk, like, she needs to get him back.”

azzi nods. “paige heard him on the phone. she knows.”

“i know,” paige agrees.

kk looks between the two of them, both so earnest and oh-so oblivious, and just laughs. “i believe you. oh, i believe you.”

“so are you going to help us?” azzi asks.

“help with what, exactly? do i need to ref? do i need to make sure it stays pg in there?”

paige immediately blushes, squeaking an awkward “what? no!” before azzi can even react. when azzi does react, it’s a much more nonchalant, normal person answer: “don’t be weird, kk. answer the question.”

kk gives paige a pointed look. “for the record, this is stupud. y’all are stupid. and i don’t condone such behavior.”

“oh, shut up, kk,” paige says.

“but i will help,” kk finishes, getting up from her kitchen stool. “i’ll make sure y’all look as, what’d you say? suggestive, as possible,” she grins.

azzi, bravely, doesn’t so much as redden. “cool. thanks.”

“what friends are for,” kk replies easily. she walks toward them, slinging an arm around both their shoulders and pulling their heads close. “and after tonight, we are definitely friends,” she tells azzi.

“except on the court,” azzi points out.

“unless you come to uconn.”

“you tryna recruit me? to a team that always loses against us?” azzi laughs, pushing away. “you’re funny.”

“trust, we wouldn’t lose with you on our team,” kk says.

paige rolls her eyes. “can we just get this over with?”

“aight, cranky pants. let’s get it.” kk motions toward the bedroom. “go start taking y’all’s clothes off. i’ll get the camera ready.”

“oh, brother,” azzi sighs, at the same time paige mutters, “worst fuckin’ idea,” under her breath.

❀❀❀

azzi looks—fucked out, to be perfectly honest. more specifically, like a scene straight from one of paige’s many azzi-centered wet dreams. not that she has azzi-centered wet dreams or anything. but if she did, like hypothetically, azzi would look exactly like this.

lips plumped with oil. braids pulled back messily. mascara re-applied and then carefully smeared. she studies herself in the mirror as she adds the final touch: a dark bruise above her collarbone, created with deft fingers and dark blush courtesy of kk. paige sits on the toilet seat, watching azzi work. she’s been staring for the past thirty minutes. azzi has yet to notice. kk, on the other hand, has spent the entire time sending her not-so-subtle signals, such as disguising a ‘talktoher’ with a cough, and whispering ‘go offer to do that for her,’ when azzi started applying the hickeys.

paige has not taken this advice. she’s still a little tipsy and azzi looks too enticing and she’s awkward enough that she’d much rather observe than try to interact at the moment.

before azzi finishes applying the final fake hickey, kk is fiddling with angles, mumbling about “golden hour lighting” even though they’re inside and it’s past midnight. paige’s gaze is caught in the mirror—not on herself, but the reflection of azzi in front of her. she imagines reaching over. just touching azzi’s wrist. she doesn’t. she clenches her hands together in her lap instead.

“you know,” azzi says idly, still dabbing at her collarbone, “you’re not nervous enough.”

paige blinks. “about what?”

“pretending to fuck me. in pictures. that we’re going to send to a real person.” azzi’s voice is light, teasing, but there’s something layered beneath it.

“what, you want me to panic?”

“a little. would make me feel better.”

paige laughs—quiet and dry. “i’m panicking plenty. just…internally.”

“uh-huh.” azzi licks her thumb before dabbing at her neck, turning her chin this way and that in the mirror. “do i look good?”

“you look bad,” kk says, nodding appreciatively. “as hell.”

azzi smiles a little shyly. “thanks.”

paige knows it’s stupid, but a pang of jealously hits her. she wishes she had kk’s natural instinct to flirt with girls. and it’s true paige has this instinct sometimes, but with a girl she really likes? with azzi fucking fudd? it’s best for everyone if she just keeps quiet and lets kk charm her instead. after this whole thing, she’ll go back to her indulgent bedtime fantasies of she and azzi in domestic situations and wet dreams.

“okay,” azzi says, pulling her phone out of her pocket and snapping a quick selfie in the mirror before turning to the two of them. “we ready?”

“i been practicing my photography skills,” kk says (she got a new camera app last week and has been taking candid, objectively bad photos of the team ever since). “never been readier.”

“don’t think that’s a word,” azzi points out, then looks at paige. “paige?”

“yup,” paige says, slapping her thighs before standing up in an attempt to get rid of the chalant written all over her face right now. “super ready.”

“now why you sound all excited to cozy up in bed with fudd?” kk quips. paige gets warm all over, glancing furtively at azzi to see her reaction—seriously, kk’s going to make azzi think paige is weird or something—but she just gives a little laugh before leading the way into the bedroom. “okay, let’s do this then.”

paige is maybe beginning to reconsider the this in question—their great plan. nothing’s even been done yet, for god’s sakes, with phase one—making azzi look as fucked out as possible—barely being finished. yet still paige is already uncomfortably damp between her legs: hence, the reconsidering. but, lord save her, azzi is already crawling into paige’s bed much too seductively, and it would look downright suspicious of her to pussy out now. no, she’s going to go through with this faux-sex photoshoot like a man, goddamit.

“get in there, twin,” kk says, pulling her phone out from her back pocket.

paige gingerly sits on the edge of the bed while azzi lays back, propped up on her elbows as they watch kk navigate around the device. “you know,” azzi says, “i wasn’t thinking you’d actually take the pictures for us. i thought you’d just, like, tell us what looks good.”

paige is a little surprised to hear this, and at the offended expression on kk’s face, she panics—her friend has a liking for dramatic storm-outs, and paige cannot have her leaving right now. “but this works too,” she jumps in, shooting azzi a warning look. “right?”

azzi places her palms upright, surrendering. “i mean, yeah, i guess. i was just sayin’.”

“well i ain’t here to be a third opinion or nothing,” kk says haughtily.

“you’re not,” paige says quickly. “you’re our creative director.”

“yeah,” azzi adds, already settling deeper into the pillows like this is just another thursday night. “we trust your vision.”

kk narrows her eyes at them like she’s sniffing out sarcasm, but apparently decides she accepts it. “creative director,” she repeats, pleased. “i like that. okay. azzi, scoot a little more to the left. paige, behind her. lean in like you just got done doing something y’all shouldn’t have been doing.”

“we haven’t even started yet,” paige mutters.

“don’t kill the vibe,” kk says. she gestures wildly. “go on. get close. more. closer.”

paige shifts behind azzi on the bed, legs folding automatically. azzi leans back slightly to rest against her, and the contact sends a shock through her skin like she’s short-circuiting. this is fine. totally fine. normal behavior for two near-strangers in a definitely-not-suggestive photoshoot.

“hand on her waist,” kk calls, adjusting her phone. “and azzi, tilt your head back, like you’re worn out.”

paige’s hand finds azzi’s hip, fingers splaying across the soft cotton of her borrowed t-shirt. azzi does as told, and for a second paige’s vision blurs. the curve of her neck, the flushed heat of her skin from alcohol or earlier makeup efforts—it’s all a little too real.

“jesus,” kk mutters, half to herself. “this looks…kind of hot, not gonna lie.”

paige groans. “can we not—comment on that?”

“okay, okay,” kk says, still snapping. “let’s switch it up. azzi, crawl into her lap. yeah, like that. lean back a little, like you’re laughing at something she said. paige, smile. not like you’re being tortured.”

“so, you are taking the pictures for us, then?”

“i’m close enough he won’t be able to tell it was taken by someone else,” kk huffs. “now, go. c’mon.”

“i’m not a model,” paige mutters, but she does her best to grin.

azzi wiggles into place, her thigh slotting between paige’s legs. “sorry,” she whispers.

“don’t apologize,” paige says automatically, which is a mistake, because then azzi looks at her, and they’re way too close for that.

“aaaand pause,” kk says, not looking up from the phone. “i think i need y’all to look a little messier. paige, mess up your hair. azzi, can you tug the shirt off your shoulder a little? you look too put together.”

paige drags a hand through her hair, trying not to stare as azzi obliges, the shirt slipping just enough to expose the faux-hickey she’d applied earlier. kk catches it in the next snap and lets out a sharp whistle.

“he’s gonna cry when he sees these,” she says gleefully.

azzi’s lips twitch. “that’s the goal.”

more posing. more directions. at some point paige gets bolder, draping an arm around azzi’s stomach. azzi leans back into her without hesitation, as if it’s natural, like they do this every day.

kk crouches to get a shot from below and then pauses, frowning at her screen. “hold up,” she says. “jana’s calling. gimme a sec.”

she stands and walks out, phone already at her ear, voice lowering as she steps into the other room.

the silence she leaves behind is heavy.

paige shifts slightly. azzi doesn’t move off her lap.

“so…” paige starts, voice low. “this is probably the weirdest way i’ve ever spent a night.”

azzi chuckles softly. “same. but it’s kind of…weirdly fun?”

“yeah,” paige admits. “yeah, it kinda is.”

they lapse into another pause. paige thinks she should move, but azzi hasn’t, and she’s scared that if she does, she’ll mess up whatever weird little truce they’re holding onto.

“hey,” azzi says suddenly, voice softer now. “can i ask you something?”

“sure.”

“do you hang out with your team very often?” she asks. “because, i mean, i see y’all on tv and at social events and stuff but—i dunno. you’re never in any of their tiktoks or anything.” azzi winces. “not that i’ve been paying attention.”

paige stiffens slightly. “uh. i dunno. just—trying to focus. this year’s important.”

“yeah,” azzi says quietly. “it is.”

azzi looks down, to gather her thoughts, maybe, and seems to realize that she’s still on top of paige because her breath hitches and then she moves, rolling off so she’s sitting beside her. “sorry,” she murmurs.

“you’re good.”

the quiet stretches again, heavier this time.

“truth?” paige says suddenly.

azzi turns toward her a little more, her thigh still between paige’s, their knees brushing. “truth.”

“i’ve been drinking too much,” paige blurts. “i’m not like an alcoholic or anything,” she’s quick to defend, because alcoholism is for deadbeat dads and stuff, right? not for celebrity college athletes. “it just, lately, it got kind of bad, and people started noticing, and it’s hard to be around them now. they all look at me like they think i’m gonna…i dunno. fall apart or something.”

azzi’s eyes soften. “i’m sorry.”

“it’s okay. i mean—it’s not,” paige shrugs. “but it’s…i had this breakup a few months ago. really bad. i thought it was going to be forever, you know? and then it wasn’t, i guess, and it was kinda my fault, and i—the team took me to parties, to get my mind off it. i learned pretty quick that drinking helped me forget. and now, i mean, i’m mostly over it, i guess, but it helps with other things, too. like when i’m stressed about an exam, or worried for a game, or something. it helps.”

she stares off into space, then catches herself, glancing over at azzi, who’s staring her with an imperceptible look on her face. “damn, my bad. didn’t mean to overshare with a stranger like that.”

“you’re not a stranger,” azzi says, her voice quiet. “not to me.”

paige blinks. “i didn’t think you knew anything about me.”

“i do,” azzi says. “we’re not close, but…i’ve kept up with you, since usa. i’m a people-watcher. very perceptive.” she elbows paige, raising a smug, teasing eyebrow. “and i think i’ve got you all figured out.”

paige exhales, glad for the mood lightener. “oh yeah? and who am i?”

“you’re…a twenty-two year old college student,” azzi starts.

paige laughs. “wow, super perceptive. how’d you figure that one out?”

“shut up, smart-ass, i’m not finished,” azzi snips, and paige is almost surprised at the sass, at the teasing that she herself loves so much. “lemme continue. i think you’re someone who likes to think you’ve got your life together. you walk around like you’re so sure of everything, like your whole future is planned out, and you know it’s all gonna end well for you. so you act like you don’t worry, like you don’t…care.”

paige raises an eyebrow. “but…?”

“but,” azzi says, “you’re a twenty-two year old college student. of course you don’t have your life figured out. you get stressed out trying to decide what you’re gonna eat for your next meal. your shoulders are constantly tense. you’re always wringing your hands before games, did you know that? during time-outs, too.”

paige looks over, startled, to find azzi looking just as surprised. “you watch me play?”

azzi fumbles for something. “i’m a basketball player. you didn’t expect me to watch basketball?”

“i didn’t expect you to watch me,” paige says.

azzi opens her mouth. closes it. looks away, at the wall ahead. “i guess i didn’t realize i was.”

paige doesn’t know what to say to that. she feels seen and it’s terrifying.

“truth?” azzi says after a moment.

“truth.”

“chad’s been cheating on me,” she says. “i haven’t caught him, but i know. it’s been obvious for weeks.”

paige looks at her, waiting.

“and he’s mean,” azzi continues. “not, like…evil. just sharp. cold. the kind of mean that makes you feel stupid for crying or asking to be treated better. tonight was just—my last straw, i think. i didn’t want to go back to that room and feel like shit again. so i came here.”

“you didn’t have to come with us,” paige says. “i would’ve just, like, venmoed you for the shoes.”

azzi meets her eyes. “i think…i think i wanted to come here.”

paige’s breath catches.

before she can figure out what that means—what to say—kk’s voice cuts in from the hall. “yo! i gotta bounce for a sec, emergency meeting. jana’s constipated for real, imma bring over some laxatives. i’ll be back in like twenty.”

they hear the cabin door open and then click shut.

“you think we should keep going?” azzi asks after a beat.

paige nods, voice suddenly thick. “yeah. okay.”

wordlessly, they rearrange, moving closer. azzi sits with her knees up now, leaning into paige’s shoulder, one hand splayed across her thigh.

they take a few selfies this time. azzi guides her hand behind the camera, adjusting the angle to catch just enough skin, just enough closeness. their shoulders press. their cheeks touch. at some point, paige’s hand finds azzi’s knee, and azzi doesn’t move it.

by the time kk returns, azzi is in paige’s lap again, one hand hooked around the back of her neck.

kk pauses in the doorway. “well damn.”

“we figured we’d keep going,” paige says, eyes wide.

“uh-huh,” kk says knowingly. “y’all definitely got the shots now.”

she walks around with the phone, checking a few pictures. “these are good. like…y’all could win a grammy for best fake situationship or something.”

paige laughs, a little too loudly. “we just wanted to sell it.”

“mission accomplished.” kk pockets her phone. “i’ll edit mine and get them to you, azzi.”

“thanks,” azzi says. “seriously. for everything.”

kk just grins. “get some sleep, y’all. and don’t do anything i wouldn’t do.”

when she’s gone, paige and azzi look at each other.

“that was—” paige starts.

“insane,” azzi finishes.

they laugh, even though nothing’s really funny.

❀❀❀

the clock on the stove reads 4:36 a.m. the suite is dark and quiet except for the low hum of the fridge. paige is sitting at the counter, a half-empty glass of water in her hand, the condensation dripping slowly down to form a ring beneath it.

she can’t sleep. her skin’s still buzzing, brain too full. not from alcohol—for once—but from azzi. from the way her voice had gone soft. from the weight of her in paige’s lap. from the echo of that not-quite-confession: i think i wanted to come here.

the room creaks. faint footsteps pad across the floor.

paige looks up.

azzi appears in the doorway, her braids wrapped in kk’s spare bonnet, bundled in one of paige’s old huskies sweatshirts that’s big enough to swallow her whole. she looks warm. sleepy. somehow both tentative and certain.

“couldn’t sleep,” azzi says, voice scratchy.

paige offers a quiet smile. “same.”

azzi shuffles forward, hugging her arms around herself. “can i hang with you?”

“uh-huh.”

azzi climbs onto the stool next to her. their knees knock under the counter and neither moves to pull away. azzi steals a sip from paige’s water without asking, and something about that—something about the easy familiarity of it—sends a warm, unsteady ache through paige’s chest.

they sit in silence for a while. the kind of silence that settles between people who are too tired to lie but too uncertain to speak first.

finally, azzi says, “i didn’t think today would end like this.”

paige snorts quietly. “me either.”

“i thought i’d be crying to some emo playlist and wondering why i ever trusted him.”

“and i thought i’d be drinking alone in my room, again,” paige admits. “so…silver linings, i guess?”

azzi turns slightly to look at her, and the light from the clock reflects in her eyes, soft and shimmering. “i meant what i said earlier. about wanting to come here.”

paige looks at her. “yeah?”

azzi nods, then smiles softly to herself. “it’s been a lot of fun, despite…everything.” she gestures at their surroundings. “i don’t think i’ve laughed like that in months, to be honest.”

“i don’t think i’ve felt…wanted like that in months,” paige says, quieter now, fully aware that what she’s saying is pathetic and induced by the last dregs of alcohol in her system. “even if it was fake.”

a moment of silence. then a soft, “truth?”

paige nods.

azzi’s voice gets softer. “it didn’t feel fake.”

that—that does it.

paige’s breath catches, heart thudding loud in her chest. she glances at azzi, who’s already looking at her, mouth parted, gaze open in a way that makes something deep inside paige tremble.

“can i—?” paige starts, voice hoarse.

“yes,” azzi breathes.

paige leans in slowly, giving azzi every chance to pull away. but she doesn’t. she leans in too, and when their lips meet, it’s soft. hesitant. careful, like they’re both afraid of shattering something delicate.

azzi’s hand finds paige’s hoodie, clutching at the fabric. paige cups her cheek, thumb brushing just under her eye. the kiss deepens in quiet pulses, not rushed, but heavy with the weight of something new.

when they finally break apart, foreheads pressed together, paige whispers, “sorry. i didn’t—i wasn’t trying to make this weird.”

“it’s not weird,” azzi says, eyes still closed. “it’s…good. i think it’s really good.”

they sit like that for a long beat, breathing the same air.

then azzi whispers, “can i stay with you? i just…don’t want to be alone tonight.”

paige nods immediately. “yeah. of course.”

azzi takes her hand. her fingers are cold, but her grip is sure.

they walk quietly through the dark suite. it’s a short walk, but it feels like it takes years. the lights are all off, but paige’s room glows faintly with the soft blue light of the tv she’d left on, a 2000s sitcom playing on mute.

paige opens the door and lets azzi step inside first. she watches her for a second, silhouetted against the light—still in the oversized hoodie and sleep shorts, face bare and soft. she’s never looked more unreal.

paige swallows hard, her pulse thudding in her ears.

azzi turns to face her. “you coming?”

paige steps in and closes the door behind her. something buzzes under her skin, in both a turned-on way and a bug-crawly way.

it’s dawning on her, now, with azzi standing there giving her bedroom eyes in her bedroom—she just kissed azzi fudd. she threw up on her then proceeded to be incredibly awkward for the entire night before trauma-dumping and has now pulled her.

azzi fudd. the fucking—love of her life. the celebrity crush of her goddamn dreams. is standing before her like some kind of bisexual goddess waiting to receive the best head of her life. and oh, will paige make sure it actually is the best head of her life. much better than chad’s, that’s for certain. if he even gave her head. he seems the type of guy to say it’s ’too gross’.

“paige?”

oh god. she’s been staring.

“hey,” azzi frowns, stepping towards her. “you okay? i can leave, or…”

“no,” paige says vehemently, also stepping forward, closing the gap between them. she wants to reach out, to pull azzi in, but she’s not sure if that’s what azzi really wants. maybe she just wants to sleep? not that paige isn’t down for snuggling, but she’s already hyped herself up for that whole head thing, and she’s not super willing to back down now. “i just…”

azzi looks at her, eyes searching her face before she looks down. her lips quirk up, and when she looks back at paige, she’s clearly amused. “i clocked you so hard earlier.”

“i…what?” paige asks.

azzi points. “your hands.”

paige looks down, and sure enough—she’s wringing her hands. like a nervous little wimp. she scoffs, pulling them apart and wiping them on her sweats before making a split-second decision, pulling azzi in by the waist. “you didn’t clock shit.”

“no?” azzi asks, smile growing a little. her hands are soft as they roam up paige’s arms before circling around the back of her neck. “so you’re not super nervous right now?”

“i’m not nervous,” paige is quick to correct. “just wondering what you want.”

azzi’s eyebrows rise, just a little. “oh?”

paige hadn’t really meant to say it, but what the hell. “uh-huh. you wanna tell me?”

“hm.” azzi looks up at her like she’s deliberating something, then smiles, coy and dimply, before stepping back slowly, taking paige with her. “i think…” she whispers, walking them back as if the room were her’s, until her thighs hit the edge of the bed. “i think i want you to give me some real pictures.”

paige quirks an eyebrow, sitting azzi down before kneeling in front of her, playing into the game. “for chad?” she wrinkles her nose as she says it. even his name is a turn-off. paige has no clue how azzi managed to have sex with that man. she imagines azzi saying something like, “oh, chad, yes!” and it turns her teasing smirk into more of a a barely-contained laugh.

azzi’s expression breaks, and it looks a little like she’s fighting a smile of her own. “ew, don’t say his name.”

unable to help it, paige chuckles, leaning her forehead against azzi’s thigh. “what do we call him, then?”

“nothing,” azzi says firmly, lifting paige’s chin and bending down so they’re nose-to-nose, biting her lip slightly as she studies her face. “i want you to give me those pictures,” she mutters, “let me prove him wrong. and then i want you to make me forget him.”

oh, paige can definitely do that.

without another word, paige surges forward and kisses her. it’s surer this time, steadier, now with the knowledge of what’s to come, not just tonight but tomorrow, and maybe—if paige lets herself dream—maybe even longer than that. based off the way azzi presses her tongue against the seam of her lips, paige thinks she might feel it, too.

paige opens up for her, pliant and willing, ready to do whatever azzi asks of her. azzi’s tongue is warm, wet, slippery against paige’s own and she groans at the feel of it, at the minty freshness of her own toothpaste that azzi had used.

“paige,” azzi breathes against her lips. paige hums, leaning forward again to close the small amount of distance. but azzi pulls back, just slightly, and when paige blinks her eyes open azzi’s looking at her urgently, pulling her up by the shoulders. “paige,” she repeats.

paige swears, she usually has so much more finesse in the bedroom. she once made a girl come in under sixty seconds. she convinced her ex to call her daddy, for god’s sakes. but this—this is azzi. and thus, she just stares blankly at her, mind trying desperately to figure out what azzi’s saying while her cunt pulses desperately in her boxers. “…huh?” she says after a moment.

azzi sighs, but there’s something in her eyes, and when paige looks hard enough she thinks maybe it’s fondness? but she doesn’t have time to discern that properly because then azzi is hooking her arms under paige’s armpits and all but hoisting her up into her lap, and that’s just…really fucking hot. paige doesn’t think she’s ever been hoisted before.

hands finding their ways to azzi’s shoulders, paige exhales, blinking rapidly in a desperate attempt to regain some of her rizz. “you’re really strong,” she says instead.

azzi presses her lips to the hinge of paige’s jaw, mumbling against her skin, “good observation.” her arms are steady around paige’s waist, holding her close, allowing for the best access, and paige shifts, hips moving subtly against azzi’s thighs.

azzi’s lips trail higher until she’s nipping at paige’s earlobe, and paige can so clearly hear the little noises coming from her now; soft pants and exhales like she’s trying hard to contain herself. and that just—that does it.

wordlessly, paige presses against azzi’s shoulders, urging her to lay down. azzi looks at her quizzically but goes willingly, getting comfortable against the pillows as paige crawls on top of her. she leans down for another kiss but azzi presses a hand to her chest, stopping her.

“want this off, first,” she says, tugging at the neckline of paige’s shirt. “wanna feel you.”

paige is quick to oblige, reaching behind her head to pull at the fabric around her neck, azzi helping her until the shirt’s off, discarded somewhere to the side. azzi’s eyes roam shamelessly, but not as shamelessly as her hands, which trail over her abs, her ribs, the taut muscles in her back.

“you’re—” she swallows hard, “you’re pretty strong too.”

paige mentally fist-pumps. “good observation, baby.”

shivering against the cool air of the room, paige presses one last kiss to azzi’s lips, lingering there and thinking she could stay like that forever before remembering her job. photos. head. make azzi forget chad.

she shifts down, dipping her head into azzi’s neck to kiss the warm skin there. she smells good, like hair products and perfume. her hands wander of their own accord, lifting azzi’s shirt just enough to reveal a small sliver of skin, a glinting belly piercing. god, she doesn’t think she’ll ever get enough of this girl.

“want this off you, too,” paige instructs quietly, searching azzi’s eyes for any hesitation, but there’s only heat as she pulls her shirt off in one swift motion. it take’s paige’s brain a few seconds to catch up with what her eyes are seeing—azzi, topless, skin dark against the white bedding, nipples pebbled from the temperature change.

paige makes a strangled noise at the back of her throat, completely aware she’s staring but unable to do anything about it, because she’s surely not going to look away. not when azzi is staring up at her like—like that, with hooded eyes and a small, teasing smile. she knows exactly what she’s doing, exactly what it’d do to paige by letting her find out for herself she isn’t wearing a bra, and it’s going to drive her fucking insane.

“paige,” azzi says.

paige’s eyes snap up from azzi’s chest, somewhat guiltily. “yeah?”

“you have me really fucking worked up right now,” azzi says bluntly. “and as much as i love watching you stare at me, i need you to actually come here and do something about it.”

that gets paige moving.

it’s instinctual, the way she dips her head down, nuzzles into the valley between azzi’s breasts. the way her tongue darts out to taste her skin, the way her palms cup the underside of azzi’s tits and push them up before she takes the stiff peak of one into her mouth.

azzi sighs, this small, satisfied sound which only serves to encourage paige further. she relaxes a little, allowing herself to get out of her own head because she knows this. she’s good at it. she knows without a doubt she can make azzi feel good and if she dies tomorrow, then she’ll die happy knowing she at least got to have this first. got to flick her tongue over azzi’s nipple and revel in the soft moan it elicits from her.

the sound sends a jolt of heat through paige’s stomach, straight to the apex of her thighs. she’s acutely aware of the way she and azzi’s legs are slotted together, the sinewy muscle of azzi’s bare thigh between her own, hovering just beneath her. paige has to make a conscious effort not to bear down onto her, not to search for any of the friction she so desperately needs.

paige pulls off azzi’s tit with a slight pop, admiring the way it looks now, glistening with her saliva. she had planned on making her way down the length of azzi’s body, but now she’s stuck here, watching intently as she rolls azzi’s nipples between her fingertips, loving the way azzi arches up into her. she glances up to catch her expression, and what she finds—mouth slightly ajar, eyes fluttered shut—has her leaning back up to capture her lips in another searing kiss. azzi groans, surprised at the contact, and when paige licks confidently into her mouth, she groans again, this time sounding a little strangled, the noise a mix of pleasure and frustration.

paige chuckles against her lips, trailing away to nose against her cheekbone. “what, you need sum’?”

azzi huffs, arms around paige’s neck pulling her insistently closer. “you’re teasing me.”

“well, i’on know what you want,” paige says, pressing soft kisses against azzi’s jaw.

azzi’s nails scratch a little punishingly into paige’s back. “i told you what i want.”

paige shudders at the pain, the starkness of it, the shivers it sends down her back. “yeah,” paige agrees, leaning up on her elbows to look into azzi’s eyes, “but you ain’t told me how you want it.”

azzi’s eyebrows furrow, a slight pout forming on her lips, and the expression is so cute compared to the compromising situation they’re in that paige almost gives in then and there. but she’s spent the entire night making an absolute fool of herself in front of azzi, and this feels like her only opportunity to show her just what she can do, what she can be, whenever she wants to.

and, shit, does she want to.

“gotta use your words, mami,” paige tells her, looking down at her with something like sympathy even as her tone is commanding, and it has the desired effect: azzi’s breath hitches and her cheeks flush, her eyes squeezing shut like she’s collecting herself before she meets paige’s again.

“want your mouth, paige,” she whispers, almost like she’s embarrassed to be saying it out loud. “your tongue.”

somewhere in her aroused haze, paige registers that this must mean they’re soulmates or something, the fact they both want the same thing. she tucks that little thought away for later (she knows kk will agree when she tells her about it) and then nods, pressing a kiss to azzi’s forehead, just below her bonnet. “good girl,” she murmurs, testing the waters, and based off the way azzi exhales this shaky little whimper, she figures she’s probably into it. also good to know.

paige takes azzi’s forearms in her hands and withdraws them from around her neck, sitting back on her knees in between azzi’s legs. she hooks her fingers around her own basketball shorts, which sit tantalizingly on azzi’s hips—she doesn’t think she’s ever described basketball shorts as tantalizing before—and raises an eyebrow at azzi. azzi nods, lifting her hips off the bed, just enough that paige is able to ease them over the swell of her ass. azzi lifts her feet up, allowing paige to pull the fabric completely off and toss them away before she presses a kiss to each of her ankles. azzi watches her closely, hands fondling her own breasts in a way that makes paige want to put her mouth back on them, but then she’s glancing down at the exposed core between azzi’s thighs and there is just nothing else that could be more important than that in like, the history of the universe.

she plants azzi’s feet on the bed before shifting, laying herself flat on her stomach with her arms propped up beneath her until she’s hovering over azzi’s pelvis, admiring the smooth skin there and the belly ring that sits a few inches higher. she bends down, nuzzling her nose against the soft, curly hair she finds there, pressing a kiss and then many more along the expanse of skin until she reaches a hipbone. she bites, just roughly enough to make a mark, and azzi hisses above her.

paige’s eyes flick up, double-checking, but azzi looks more than okay—in fact, she looks downright impatient. when their eyes meet, she nods urgently at her. “get on with it.”

paige raises an eyebrow at the attitude but doesn’t comment on it just yet, instead pressing a kiss to the other hipbone before saying, “oh, you want more?”

azzi sighs at the coy tone in paige’s voice. “paige.”

“mm,” paige hums. “you sound frustrated, baby.”

“yeah, well,” azzi shifts uncomfortably, “it’s frustrating when you tease me like this.”

“yeah?” paige asks. she rests her cheek against azzi’s thigh, allowing her fingers to trail up and down the inside of her other one, getting close to where she needs her but never close enough. “you’re used to getting what you want, aren’t you?” she muses.

“fuck you,” azzi says, no real venom there as annoyance mixes with amusement in her eyes.

“i will,” paige promises, kissing her thigh, “princess.”

azzi opens her mouth to speak again. paige cuts her off by biting harshly at the skin she just kissed, turning azzi’s almost-sentence into a high-pitched whine instead.

“fuck,” azzi mutters.

paige inspects the bite—that will definitely be a mark tomorrow—and then shushes her gently, brushing her lips over the spot. “if you catch an attitude with me again,” she murmurs, almost sweet, “you’ll find out how much worse i can be.”

azzi’s hips lift, surprise etching itself slowly into the lines of her face as she registers the words, but paige doesn’t take the time to examine her expression. azzi is spread before her, enticing, dripping, caramel brown giving way to soft pink, and she finally lets herself do what she’s dreamed of doing since she was in high school—she buries her fucking face in it.

azzi’s reaction is immediate and more intense than paige expected it would be, her back and hips arching off the bed as she groans, loud. paige doesn’t even care that arousal has just been smeared all over her forehead. she’s far too busy committing the way azzi tastes, sweet and salty, to memory.

the build-up paid off, as it always does, and azzi’s soaked. paige’s tongue laves wet heat from her entrance to her clit, building her up to a slow rhythm. she lingers a little each time at her entrance, where the taste is the strongest, unable to conceal her own choked sounds as azzi grinds against her face. she glances up to where azzi is playing with her nipples, propped up on her elbows to get a better look at what paige is doing, and the knowledge that she’s being watched so intently has her doubling down on her efforts.

when paige’s movements speed up, azzi’s head tips back, rolling against her shoulders. “oh, paige,” she breathes, sensual and dirty, “oh, baby. feels…”

paige presses her own thighs together at the pet name before flicking her tongue back and forth against azzi’s clit, applying pressure until azzi falls back completely, head thumping against the pillows as she whines. distantly, paige thinks kk could definitely hear them if she were to listen for it. she finds she doesn’t really care at the moment.

“feels good?” paige asks, pressing a few soft kisses to azzi’s cunt.

“mm-hmm,” azzi hums, eyes closed as she focuses on the feeling. her hands travel south until they’re gripping the back of paige’s head, and then she’s tugging her closer, back into her heat. “keep going, baby. please.”

“since you asked so nice,” paige teases, letting azzi’s hands guide her forward. she opens her mouth a little wider, sucking hard against azzi’s hole as if trying to draw more precum out of her before she kisses sloppily against it. azzi’s legs fall further open at the feeling, but paige quickly misses the feeling of thighs pressed against her head and loops her arms under the brunette’s legs, pulling her close again, surrounding herself with soft brown skin.

the new angle brings her impossibly closer to azzi’s center, and paige sticks her tongue out, seeking azzi’s entrance before pressing inside as far as she can.

“oh my fuck,” azzi groans, gripping paige’s head tighter, almost possessive. “keep doing that, right—“ she chokes on her own words as paige begins a slow thrust, “right there.”

paige nods, unsure whether azzi can feel the acknowledgment, but it has her nose bumping up against azzi’s swollen clit and azzi cries out. she moves her tongue, feeling around the spongy inner walls of azzi’s cunt, a new wave of arousal pumping out of the younger girl until it’s dripping down paige’s chin onto the bedsheets below.

the room isn’t quiet, but it sounds like sex, azzi’s breathy moans and the filthy wet sounds of paige’s mouth on her cunt filling the room. she sounds so good, tastes so good, smells so good—paige is only vaguely aware that she has her own pelvis pressed into the mattress, absentmindedly searching for friction as she gets off on pleasing azzi.

she’s so focused on eating that she doesn’t notice the way azzi’s breathing changes, becomes more rapid, or the way her fingers fist up paige’s hair in a way that’s almost painful. in fact, it’s not until she presses her thumb to azzi’s swollen clit while she tongue-fucks her that azzi manages a broken, “oh my god, i’m gonna fucking—!“ that paige realizes she’s going to come.

azzi’s orgasm hits her in waves, it seems, with her hips pressing into paige’s mouth so intensely she can’t breathe for a solid thirty seconds before she’s abruptly pulling away, thighs shaking with the effort. paige watches in something like amazement as her stomach tenses, her cunt pulsing and clenching around nothing, clit twitching almost imperceptibly. it is—fucking beautiful, actually. a work of goddamn art. an image that belongs in the louvre right next to the mona lisa and the venus de milo.

she’s about to dive back in and get another taste of it when azzi uses her grip on her hair to urge her up. reluctantly, paige lets herself be pulled, kissing a gentle path up azzi’s stomach before coming face-to-face with her, thumbs brushing her cheeks as she comes down. eyes still closed, azzi pulls her closer, bumping their foreheads together.

“so pretty,” paige can’t help but mutter, watching azzi’s lashes flutter against her cheeks, lips plump and shiny and parted. “so good for me, baby. did so good.”

after another few moments, azzi opens her eyes, looking at paige like she hung the stars in the sky or something.

“i think i just fell in love with you,” she croaks, and paige laughs, pressing a kiss to her damp forehead. “heard that one before.”

azzi smacks her lightly, then pulls her head down, pressing a chaste kiss to her lips before urging her to lay on her chest. paige presses her cheek to azzi’s heartbeat, their breathing gradually syncing up as they lay together. azzi’s nails scratch light patterns against paige’s back, nearly lulling her to sleep, before she abruptly stops and says, “oh, shit.”

“what?” paige asks sleepily.

“we forgot to get pictures.”

paige swears her ears perk up, and she thinks she might be just a little insatiable because she doesn’t feel so tired anymore as she lifts her head with a wicked grin. “damn,” she says. “guess we’ll have to go again.”

the next day, kk gives them hell for keeping her up all night, and gives azzi many earfuls about how she ‘told her so.’ paige offers up their room for the rest of the trip, even though they ultimately proved chad wrong with some certain photos, and azzi is all too quick to take her up on it. (kk moves in with jana, unwilling to hear any more of paige and azzi’s…shenanigans.)

and when, a year later, azzi transfers to uconn? let’s just say kk will swear up and down that she’s the reason they never lose another game to ucla.

[irisintheafterglow]

hi iris i hope u have been well!!

wanted to request a little fluff/mutual pining moment between Satoru and reader who's also an instructor but they only ever get to see eachother during exchange events/higher up meetings/a mission every now and then (it's not for a lack of wanting to pursue eachother but neither of them have put in the effort bc they're both have commitment issues and deem themselves unworthy of trying) i think it would be soooo cute and i'm just dying to see Satoru and reader's students tease them about their VERY obvious chemistry... and hopefully something finally coming out of it in the end :-)

hehe thank u so much and as always you're the best!!

i hate accidents, except when we went from friends to this!

wc: 2.6k

cw/tags: coworkers to lovers, idiots in love, reader and gojo have no idea what they're doing, swearing, mentions of drinking, fluffy fluffy fluff

note: hi anon! thank you so much for the ask, hope you like it!! i definitely got a little carried away writing it just because it's such a cute premise lol

likes, reblogs, and replies are always appreciated !!

A piece of paper slides inconspicuously into your peripheral vision and it takes all of your willpower not to smirk. With equal nonchalance, you carefully peek under the ripped corner of the meeting agenda and can’t help smiling at the message scrawled on it. 

We’re drinking after this (not optional). 

You glance at him out of the corner of your eye and see him leaning back in his office chair, arms crossed and looking like he’d rather be dipping his limbs in molten lava. Even with his blindfold, you can see the boredom in his expression and you bite your tongue to keep from laughing. His inability to appear professional was going to be the death of you both. 

“Gojo, are you listening?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah,” he says with blatant dishonesty that makes you bite your bottom lip and carefully observe the dusty ceiling tiles. “I was just in…deep thought.” He tastes the last two words like philosophies to be pondered and it suddenly becomes much harder to continue to have a blank expression. Their first mistake was picking a verbal fight with him. 

“Deep thought about what?” Their second mistake was letting him keep talking.  

“Ah, you know, the usual things.” You can feel his attention flick to you for a moment and it gives him a wave of confidence to continue to be a little pest at a meeting neither of you wanted to be attending. It was his favorite pastime, after all, to get you to smile at his shenanigans despite the bullshit you were hearing. “The meaning of life, the wonders of love,” he begins before his volume drops so that only you could hear it, “Why this couldn’t have been a fucking email–”

“What was that?” You suppress a snort into your fist and take a sip of water, hoping the other meeting attendees couldn’t see that you were tearing up from trying not to laugh. The angry-faced higher up scowls at him, catching the biting tone but not his words. Satoru merely smiles innocently, like every utterance was of the purest and most amicable intentions. 

“Nothing,” he sings and you cough into your sleeve to hide a laugh. The other higher ups with their ugly suits and balding heads look at you curiously, but all you can see is Satoru’s shit-eating grin from beside you. “I’m just worried for you, is all.” The higher-up at the front of the room scoffs, still believing the show. 

“Worried? For me?”

“Mhmm,” he nods, his brows drawn in fake concern. “I just know you don’t have a lot of time left on this plane and, well, wonder why you’re choosing to spend it here,” he states with a vague gesture around the musty room. An embarrassing noise of amusement escapes from your throat and you try in vain to regain your composure, only to fall into a fit of uncontrollable coughing. Satisfied with his achievement, he abruptly stands from his chair and pulls yours away from the desk. “My work here is finished. We’re leaving.” His finger gently taps your shoulder twice and you obey, standing and heading for the door while he pushes in your chair behind you. The official at the front of the room has turned beet-red.

“The arrogance of you two–”

“We’re done here. If you say anything important, Ijichi will tell me. I doubt the possibility, though,” Satoru states with finality, opening the door for you and shooting the room of stunned officials one last smirk. Too lazy to walk through the winding halls or take the snail-paced elevator, a flick of your wrist opens a portal into an alley on the side of the building. Your colleague lets out a whistle of approval as your shoes cross from dirty carpet to asphalt, finally taking in fresh air after hours of sitting in the stale conference room. The moon shines in all of its winter glory and you shiver against the welcome chill, comforted by the chatter of the city’s nightlife. “Still up for that drink?”

“As long as you’re buying it,” you reply. “I’m gonna call the kids first and let them know I’m out.”

“Tell them I say hi,” he says without missing a beat, leaning against a nearby wall to wait for you to finish. Utahime picks up after two rings. 

“Hello? Ah, you’re finally done. That’s great!” Your coworker’s voice temporarily becomes muffled while she answers questions of who she’s talking to, followed by a chorus of your name imploring you to come back. “Everyone, say hi!” Your beloved students greet you enthusiastically and you smile at their enthusiasm. “Will you be on your way soon?”

“In a little,” you say, slightly sheepish as your eyes flick over to the man behind you. “I’m gonna get a drink.”

“You’re going by yourself?” 

“Not exactly,” you answer slowly and the realization hits Utahime as she breaks out into a lecture on how Satoru isn’t good enough for you. “Easy, easy. It’s just a drink, nothing else.” Your whispered attempts to placate your friend’s indignance prove futile and you settle for letting her get all of her complaints out. 

“He’s a no-good playboy with a rock for a brain and a chatterbox of a mouth, you idiot,” she concludes after her lengthy rant. “I don’t want you getting hurt because he’s too scared to make any commitments.”

“I’m not making any commitments either, Utahime,” you remind her and you can imagine her rolling her eyes from the other side of the line. “It’s just a drink,” you reiterate, but you still hear her grunt of disapproval. “I’ll see you in a bit, yeah?”

“Mhmm,” she responds skeptically. “Don’t do anything dumb.” 

“Love you too, Utahime,” you laugh, hanging up the phone and sticking it back in your pocket. “Alright, let’s go,” you call to Satoru, who eagerly pushes off the wall and drags you out of the alley. “We haven’t eaten, so we’re getting dinner too.” 

“Whatever you want,” he grins. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t harbor some sort of romantic affections toward Satoru, but you were also resigned to the fact that you’d never act on it. He was the most powerful human being on the planet; how could you be worthy of loving such a man? Still, in times like this, where it was just the two of you walking hand-in-hand to who knows where, your mind tended to drift into thoughts of what could be if you weren’t in this line of work. It would be nice to love him, that’s all. Yeah, it’d be really nice to love him. 

You couldn’t explain any of this to your students the next morning, though, when they interrogated you on who you were with the entire night. When you let his name slip, the shock in the room was palpable. 

“See, I knew you guys had a thing for each other!” Miwa points her sword at you accusingly, far more fired up than you’d ever seen her before. “I thought I was the only one who noticed how he looked at you!”

“There is nothing of the sort, so I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you counter, pushing the sheathed blade to the side. Your other students fight back with full force. 

“It’s so obvious that he likes you,” Mai says, like it’s an insult. “Teasing you all the time? Making excuses to crash your meetings?”

“Bringing you lunch if he’s within a fifty mile radius of our campus,” Nishimiya adds and her classmates nod in agreement. “Do you know how many times I’ve caught him trying to surprise you by air?”

“That could be just part of a working relationship,” you argue, but they’re relentless. “How would you know anything about his intentions? Maybe he’s just being nice!”

“I believe his intentions with you are, indeed, romantic,” Kamo reiterates and you groan, hiding your burning face in your hands. “I can’t say I don’t see the vision. You’re a powerful duo.”

“Your marriage would make the brass shit themselves,” Mai muses with a cynical glint in her eye. “Can you imagine having a baby that can send Hollow Purple through a portal?”  

“Oh, their children would be so beautiful,” Miwa squeals and it’s like waterfalls of sweat come rushing from your forehead.

“Alright, alright. Let’s not talk about marriage or babies, please,” you cut in, quick to nip that conversation in the bud. You can’t tell if it’s the weather making your palms clammy or the unending tirade of comments about your dating life. “We can change the topic of conversation now,” you say in an attempt to get the heat off of you for a little bit. “Todo, how’s that idol you like so much doing?” It’s a good idea, initially, but the thought of you and Satoru together seemed to be brainwashed over your students.

“She’s wonderful, just as the two of you in love is a wonderful sight.” Todo can’t seem to help himself as he announces his enthusiasm for your romantic endeavors, teleporting across the room and swapping positions with his classmates from claps of pure excitement. Mechamaru provides a single thumbs-up when you look to him for support, and you pinch the bridge of your nose between your fingers.

“I think it’s cute how you act like you hate him and then can’t seem to stay away during events like this. Love is so complex,” Miwa sighs, resting her chin on her hand and staring off dreamily. You scoff, hoping they can’t tell how fast your heart rate has picked up. “I wish I were in love.”

“It’s not love. If anything, it’s just admiration. Yeah, it’s just admiration,” you conclude and you’re met with skeptical stares. 

“Yeah, admiration of his hot bod,” Miwa mutters and you open a portal without thinking, allowing some fat drops of rain from who knows where to fall on her head. It was a common form of discipline, summoning portals to unruly weather conditions, and your students sit up a little straighter in understanding. “Fine, okay, okay. I’m done.”

“You sure? If you’re not done, I’m gonna send you to the Amazon again.”

“Yes, fine. I’m done, I promise.”

“Done with what?” You stiffen, mentally kicking yourself for not registering his presence sooner. Had he not taken up your entire attention, you would have sent Miwa to South America for the gasp of excitement she let out when Satoru appeared. It seemed that none of you knew he was listening until he leaned against the doorframe, all six feet of height taking up the entire space. He was wearing his signature shit-eating grin that made you want to choke him with his own blindfold. “You gossiping in here?”

“Nope, just going over strategy,” you lie straight to his face and he hums, not believing you for a second. “Shouldn’t you be doing that, too? With your own students?” You stand and attempt to push him out of the room, only to find him completely immovable. His hand covers yours, lacing your fingers together in a way that makes you a little dizzy. 

“All in good time,” he says carefreely, as if the action with your hands was second-nature. “For now, can I steal you away for a moment? It won’t take long.” You can practically hear the waggling eyebrows from your students and nod, unable to form a biting response because of the crashing trains of thought in your mind. His hand remains holding yours as he all but pulls you outside, finally dropping it when the excited chatter of your students has subsided. “You okay? You seem a little frazzled,” he asks once you’re far enough from any eavesdropping attempts.

“Yeah, my kids are just being a little…funny, today,” you exhale, trying to hide your unease with a nervous giggle. “You know them; they love to make up their own little stories.” He raises his eyebrows in amusement, matching your pace as you walk down a random outdoor corridor of the Tokyo campus. 

“Mine have actually been doing the same thing,” he confesses after a brief moment of awkward silence. “Making speculations, drawing connections. Seems to be a good exercise in pattern-recognition.” You know he means it as a joke, but all you can think about is Miwa’s comment on admiring Satoru’s ‘hot bod.’ Had his students picked up on your behavior, too?

“What are some of these connections they’re drawing?”

“Connections about my behavior around…hmm,” his voice trails off and the corner of his mouth turns down into a frown, like he was unhappy with his students’ observations. “They’ve noticed things about the way I, well,” he stammers and for the first time, you witness Gojo Satoru get tongue-tied. “Somethings that they’ve seen and heard and–”

“Satoru.” You halt both of your strides and cross your arms defensively over your chest, slightly uncomfortable from Satoru’s inability to express himself when he would otherwise be talking your ear off. “What is this about?”

“My students know I like you,” he states bluntly and your heartbeat momentarily stops pounding in your ears. His students know that he what? “And they also theorize,” he stops to clear his throat, adjusting his collar and avoiding your eyes, “that you may reciprocate the same feelings.” Any words that you can form get caught in your throat, an odd mixture of happiness, shock, and pure dread stirring around in your brain. All you could do is blink at him, dumbly, while he shifts between the balls of his feet. “Please, say something.”

“You like me,” you repeat, tasting the words like a fancy wine you’ve never tried before breaking out into the widest smile you’ve ever felt. “Holy shit, you like me?”

“You’re smiling,” he states, still trying to process what was happening. “That’s a good thing, right?”

“Holy shit, you like me!” Your voice raises on its own and you take a step back in surprise, covering your face with your hands to try and contain your emotions. “What the fuck, Satoru?”

“Yeah, that’s,” he mumbles as he watches you celebrate, “that’s how I’m feeling too.” 

“Wait, so what do we do now?” 

“I have no idea. I didn’t expect to get this far,” he admits, rubbing the back of his neck and combing his fingers through his hair. “I was waiting for you to slap me and tell me to go to hell.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because I didn’t think you liked me back,” he sputters and the joy in both you and Satoru’s chests finally breaks loose in a fit of unending laughter. “Holy shit, I was so worried for nothing.”

“They’re gonna be so excited when we get back, they won’t be able to focus on the Exchange Event.”

“I don’t think I can focus on the Exchange Event.”

“Then we can postpone it!” You both flinch as a voice that was definitely not one of yours calls from behind a nearby wall, followed by a terrified oh, shit! as Satoru goes barreling around the corner and drags out the culprits by the collars of their shirts. Yuuji, the pink-haired student from Tokyo, and Miwa both try to explain themselves as they dangle weightlessly from Satoru’s hands. “Gojo, sir, we swear we weren’t trying to–”

“Hold on,” you pause Yuuji’s explanation, sensing some extra energy signatures that weren’t succeeding at hiding themselves. “Come out now, or I’m opening the portal to the Arctic,” you command in the open air and watch the leaves rustle as the rest of the Tokyo and Kyoto students fall from a nearby tree. “It’s rude to eavesdrop,” you chuckle as Nishimiya picks a few branches from Mai’s hair. “Go clean yourselves up and then we can begin the games.”

“You free this weekend after the games to go someplace?” Satoru whispers in your ear once all of the students are gone. “I need a break from the prying eyes of teenagers.”

if you enjoy my writing and would like to support me, you can buy me a coffee on my ko-fi! you can also check out my full masterlist here :)

[readsrealm]

Buggy & The Roger Pirates Thing (maybe even a little Corabug!?)

Buggy always feeing like he doesn’t belong on Rogers crew. Like he was just brought on to be a playmate for Shanks (practically a pet). He’s not entirely wrong either most of the crew shows unintentional favoritism to Shanks and don’t really remember that Buggy’s there half the time.

The next island they visit they actually forget Buggy. Buggy himself doesn’t even realize until hours later, Roger Pirates far away and still unaware of their mistake. Buggy’s devastated, he kinda wanders around the islands small town and into its forest in shock and despair before coming upon a familiar face. A blond marine who he’d met in the town earlier who was now running through the woods. They had a good conversation earlier and all Buggy had really learned was the boys name. Rosinante.

Rosinante takes Buggy back to Sengoku who goes “WAIT A MINUTE” and then declares that Buggy’s been taken in for ransom. Buggy tells them that nobody is going to come for him.

They wait a couple days, then a week, then a couple weeks, finally two whole months go by and nobody’s showed up for Buggy. Sengoku is disturbed by this and does some digging. Apparently a vote to retrieve Buggy was placed and the majority thought it was too much work for the second cabin boy (the add on, the spare, the unpromising backup). There was also info that Roger and the losing side were upset with the polling results but weren’t going to do much about it.

Sengoku decides right there and then he’s gonna see why Roger let Buggy onto his crew in the first place and why they don’t want Buggy back.

And…..

Sengoku has no clue why they wouldn’t want Buggy to return to them. He’s crafty, smart, loyal. He’s a good kid by pirate standards. Clearly a trouble maker but the passion he has for chemistry and science is unmatched. The way he solves puzzles and can worm his way out of any situation socially is insane. His treatment of people around him and of Cora himself (even if it’s special treatment😉) is admirable. Not to mention the boys luck.

Sengoku suspect it’s cause of Buggy’s less upfront way of fighting and actually assessing situations is what put The Rogers off. Buggy may be cowardly but if he really is needed he’ll do his part. Plus his long range weapons (bombs, altered guns) are nothing to sneeze at.

Buggy ends up staying with the marines for a really long time even if in the beginning he said he was going to escape and get far far away from them. Instead staying, training and getting stronger.

Decades later Red Haired Shanks comes face to face with a marine with long blue hair and the nickname Ringmaster.

Okay first of all thank you for writing this.

now right now I’m crying because that’s just fucking sad.

them leaving buggy there and how they decided is disgusting and I’m literally devastated. Poor buggy wanna hug him so bad.

For me Roger here failed as the captain bc who tf cares what the crew thinks. He is the captain and he should have been defending Buggy but he didn’t. In here Ace was right Roger was a monster bc left a child who looked up to him like no one else ever did in a town from nowhere behind. I wonder how shanks reacted.

I kinda wished that- I don’t know if you watched the LA but there Garp is on the Plattform where Roger gets killed. I wish that buggy would arrive the Plattform when Roger finished his speech him thinking he will die with no regrets and with starting the new era but the moment he saw buggy his smile vanished and he knew he could no longer die at peace.

I have two things in mind of what buggy could say

He would smile at roger with a trembling body saying something like: “I hoped you lived a good live “captain”

or

2. He would be cold and saying shit like: “That’s it Gol D. Roger. You and your loved one will pay for your crimes” and he would mean it bc with people who believe in him he would get stronger and have more determination

I’m kinda surprised that Sengoku would take with if we think about what he did to Ace considering that wanted to execute him for being roger son not being the second commander of Whitebeard who was equal to roger. But I do not complain. If I think about it Buggy could be trained by Sengoku and Garp and Tsuru. Sengoku and Garp were also equal to roger. And while Sengoku could teach him to be smarter fight smarter, Garp could train him in strength combat and haki. Tsuru could help him to calm himself down and always keep his cool. So he could be powerful yonko level bc that what actually oda said. If Buggy would take effort he would be yonko level.

You know what a sad part of this is Buggy is the kind of character who gets treated bad by the “good” ones (in here the goal of the main character) but he would not get justice. He would die and maybe the others would regret it but probably not the same episode one person would say “he would want that you hate yourself…” like BITCH OFC HE WOULDNT BUT YOU SHOULD BC YOU DESERVE THAT.

anyways I’m getting of the topic I think Buggy is smart and a sweetheart if you treat him well. He maybe loves treasure in an unhealthy amount and can be a little arrogant but it’s like he is be mean but still would do everything for you if you treat him right. (I also believe that he would not have a pride problem to apologize if he did something wrong but that another thing).

again with the Plattform (I hope it’s Plattform English is not my native’s language) the thing is Shanks would see it. And I think no matter if choice one or two you choose he would be angry…even though he has no right too. But Buggy doesn’t care about shanks…well not anymore bc he has Rosi. While he hadn’t a bad relationship with Shanks his relationship with Rosi is much better. Shanks if not meant to be mean only teased him which lead to the whole crew teasing him and Buggy didn’t like that. I mean I don’t think he had a problem with some teasing bc that normal and fun you know? Everyone does that but they teased him about everything and it kinda hurt bc it gave off the feeling he wasn’t taking seriously at all. That he couldn’t be allowed to be sad or scared…genuinely.

With Rosi it wasn’t like that he got comforted motivated. Instea if being told that “a pirate isn’t allowed to be scared” or “are you hiding again” or “you wouldn’t be scared if you trained harder like shanks” he gets “it’s fine I protect you” or “don’t be scared buggy! Your strong and if anything happens I’m right here” and it helps bc it motivates him and them saying that they believe he is strong wants him to prove that and he doesn’t and he makes mistakes and learns from them and gets better bc that how it should be done

So if Buggy and Shanks would meet after decades Shanks would be furious at Buggy for doing this to their captain. But with just a few sentences Shanks anger turned into guilt

“Roger didn’t want me. He left me and abandoned me. No one wanted me”

So I think Shanks would withdraw and just go with it. But now he would feel emptier. It was one thing not having seen buggy and him officially cutting of the relationship was hard for Shanks but he shouldn’t complain he didn’t say anything when they voted to leave him even if he didn’t want that he could do more. Bc they would listen to him.

Buggy himself would live a good life being a very much known marine (vice admiral) having Rosi by his side (this is a Corazon lives AU) and be happy.

I even think that Luffy would be on Buggy’s side if he heard that story. But still would not stop being a pirate

[candymay]

So you aren't charmie. You are more of an elio/oliver/cmbyn fan is my guess.

I think there are a lot of us like that who don't care for or believe this longterm secret relationship by Armie or Timmy or any celebrity ship either cause this isn't the golden age of Hollywood where people had to hide that they were gay for fear of not having a career but also for fear of prison.

I think it's silly atp but my love for cmbyn, that movie, the work by both guys and Luca is real and to me that's grounded in truth versus a silly romance that's too crazy to believe.

Long term closeted relationships lasting 8 years. Lol. Also Timmy gives straight bro vibes. I'm not fooled by the occasional red carpet outfit.

Instead I enjoy Timmy and Luca's work and am rooting for continued happiness and sobriety for Armie wherever life leads him you know?

Luv luca and armie and sufjan and cmbyn so therefore everything in it too including the chemistry between armie n timmy n so on. Is charmie a one definition thing?

Some actors still have to/choose not to come out n the reasons arent as simple and naive as “u cant be a gay actor” or fear of prison (..lol?) but more for the strategic public image thats knda been instilled around “heartthrobs” esp in a market thats consumed heavily by girls and gay men - if u wanna reach that level of stardom. So it’s not like it’s illegal or they’ll have 0 gig babe, it’s just that it’s easier to be a straight white man, anywhere in most of industries, unfortunately. And then some ppl simply don’t wanna come out and it’s not always bcs of “hollywood”; it could be bcs of other reasons in their personal lives that we simply won’t know. They’re just humans w real human thoughts and challenges too. When you see it that way it becomes more reasonable and less ‘scandalous’ for actors to do that.

All that being said, i’m not saying i think anyone is or isn’t hiding their sexuality, but only bcs i never seriously cared about anyone’s sexuality to begin with - except if they wanna fuck ME lol. Idc ab Armie’s or Timmy’s sexuality or their private relationships (well.. Armie, i’ll hv my eyes on him bcs of the war trauma lmao).

But at the same time, I also don’t care if people want to stan or ship anyone as long as they’re being considerate abt these people’s privacy. I’m not gnna police how ppl spend their time as long as they’re respectful n spread love n fun stuff bcs I don’t understand what does it matter what ppl think vs. of what I think on things that aren’t even a little bit detrimental to anyone’s lives or society at large lol. So.. believe nothing! Believe the craziest shit ever! Do whatever, just be safe n dont make too much enemies n dont snoop around people’s privacy for the sake of whatever it is. Then it’s totally not cool.

[wetcatspellcaster]

Can I ask if you ended up romancing Lucanis in Veilguard and what your overall thoughts on it were? Like obviously it was ridiculously underwritten (I actually laughed out loud when he said he loved my Rook like bro….u don’t even know me) and yet after finishing the game I cannot stop thinking abt Them and consuming fic to make up for the lack of content lol. Somehow it still captured my waking thoughts in a way (is this a safe space) DA2 romances did not. Love your analysis so just curious abt your thoughts!

"oh my god... they were coworkers."

hello anon.

I would like to preface my answer with: yes, my Rook romanced Lucanis. And like a fool, I'm writing a fic about it. Bc that's the only way I know how to cope with this much unfulfilled potential, tbh.

my thoughts on the romance are under the cut bc I still have mutuals who are still playing and trying to avoid spoilers!

yeah, so, my feelings are pretty much the same as yours. The two most overwhelming thoughts I have about it:

the writing is so fucking inconsistent. like yes, it's underwritten, but surely that should mean the throughline is easy to follow? you'd think, wouldnt you! you'd think it made sense!

the two of them truly have NO chemistry as written. the romantic parts of their story feel so odd and out of place because there's no build up to them. in the words of my best friend, 'that's not a romance, that's a secondment placement'.

The first one is the biggest issue for me. There are parts of the Lucanis romance that I genuinely enjoyed and found compelling! I somewhat controversially loved the scene in the lead up to the final battle! but the peaks and troughs (and outright plateaus) in the writing means that no single part matches up with anything that has come before or after. That's not even bringing in how he treats Neve if he's romancing her instead, which would be understandable (Neve is hot, and their romance gives the Treviso/Minrathous debacle a resolution if you're not romancing either of them) if it added up with anything that we see of his treatment of Rook!

i KNOW people are being weird about it and hating on Neve, but the problem isn't her. It's that Lucanis' dynamic with her seems to add a whole new alternative characterisation into the mix. To me, the most frustrating part is that nothing adds up. If he's holding back from Rook bc of his trauma and uncertainty, WHY is he romancing someone else? if he's got so much to fucking work through, why is he part of NPC romance plotline? it just doesn't make sense!

And people have started to reach the point where they're trying to make it make sense, glossing the almost kiss and how wildly different it is from anything else he does, or about the fact that the 'locking-in' dialogue is the most painfully platonic thing imaginable, and everyone's coming up with excuses and headcanons, and it's just... lads. it's just bad writing.

as for my second overarching... well. that's the one that's made me angry to write about it.

At the point of me writing this answer, Mary Kirby has now come out and said that the Lucanis romance is so underwhelming bc he's demisexual, and a virgin. which... you know... I could just personally find offensive from so many angles, the least of which being she seems to be trying to use diversity and queer language as an excuse or shield for what is... yep. bad writing.

But I'm sorry, *looks at my entire ao3 profile and whispers "bet"* that statement is just patently and stupidly untrue! you can write good demisexual romance, actually!

As someone who is on the asexual spectrum, and who writes romances and ships who probably all have a little bit of that asexual seasoning sprinkled across the top... Attraction and chemistry are different things. I have read and written many compelling romances with asexual characters - and you know what? regardless of the characters' orientation, their interest in another person and their appeal to another person is never in question.

If you wanted to write an ace-spec character as sincere representation, there's so many routes you could've gone down. But you chose the power fantasy of a romance - trust me, I know, because it's the same decision I make every time I open up a word document or an ao3 page. the least you could do is do it well.

I'm sorry, it's just bad writing.

As something of an introverted demisexual loser myself, I would love to see Lucanis as representation. But I can't. Because it's not true to any of my experience, and I just don't think it's actually written itno the game. It's being retconned to make up for the fact the romance has landed terribly, and the fact that so much of this game is underwritten and underwhelming and a disappointment.

It's why I think the fic will be good, because I know there's potential there separate from what we've been given. And it's why i'm now writing about it. I wasn't ever sure if this wip document was going to see the light of day, but I guess, if I want to see a demisexual romance actually done right, I've got to do all the fucking work myself.

But yeah, anon! I enjoyed it, and I unfortunately also see the fucking potential!!!! and now it's my problem!!!! and it's up on ao3!!!!

[bratbarzal]

i have consumed dark media (that is fan fiction and twitter prn) from a very young age unfortunately and it has changed my brain chemistry so much i have to take a break some days because the line between fantasy and reality has blurred so much and i am ashamed of that sometimes

i would hate for, especially, someone under the age of 18 to go through this and get ideas that certain things are okay when they’re not. fantasies such as dark ones need to be absolutely discussed with your partner but also seek therapy because 99% of the time they stemmed from trauma

on one side i’m happy (not the best word here) that these things are explored but also please, protect your readers and do everything in your power to prevent misuse and misinterpretation of the actions portrayed in these dark works

i’ve only seen works tagged well enough so i don’t know if it’s just my tumblr, but i will always call out someone when tags are missing and whatever because apart from being annoying i also don’t want to find myself reading something that ends up being triggering (in regular smut or fluff or angst too by the way)

thank you so much for sharing this I'm with you on a very deep level!! I think our perceptions on life are so deeply connected to social media now on all levels that it's sort of unavoidable to find yourself caught up in it so I know it probably does nothing for me to say this but there's nothing to be personally ashamed of it's like being a product of environment if that even makes sense

but I always find myself thinking about how much being on sites like this from a young age affected my life and the experiences I've gone through or situations I've ended up in and it sort of breaks my heart to see stuff like this knowing the impact it has and knowing how much it truly can fuck with your ideas of intimacy (beyond even sexual interactions tbh)

I think we're on the same page I think if it's done responsibly and it's done with research and empathy and intent to make the reader aware of the implications of such actions then I have no problem with it but I think a lot of content that I'm seeing on here right now isn't highlighting how serious these topics are to immerse yourself in and I think that's a real problem of combining it with real people/parasocialism (like I said before I'm not trying to police who people write for but I think it needs to be said/acknowledged)

100% I think as a community it's important to have discussions like this and hold each other accountable - if I ever write and don't tag I would want to know bc I don't ever want to be responsible for causing harm to anyone who might read something that triggers or upsets them

[kaybaeisgay]

alright here we go…. these are my One Piece: Live Action thoughts and critiques now that i’ve finished binge watching the show!

overall rating is a 6.5/10 on a Netflix original scale with some episodes being below that and some being above. (EDIT: before you throw tomatoes pls know that i highly enjoyed it!!!!! just had some thoughts on how it could have been improved in my own humble opinion!!)

(spoilers under cut)

initial praises:

the FUCKING CAST. they are all so good!!!! i admittedly had low expectations for some characters prior to watching (i.e. shanks, mihawk, garp) due to how iconic and mysterious they are, but i feel like they all did a phenomenal job bringing these characters to life

THE STRAW HAT CHEMISTRY. from the second i saw the cast interviews, i knew they were gonna be perfect, but the core cast truly was brilliant together

BUGGY 🗣️🗣️🗣️ listen. i’ve always been a buggy denier…… i understood the Power of His Ponytail for others, but never really got it for myself. that being said…….. JEFF WARD POPPED OFF. imo buggy had potential to be either just okay or the worst part of the show. and jeff, my guy, you knocked it out of the fucking park

visuals!!!!! the practical set was beautiful, and the coloring was so perfect for how fantastical the one piece world is. it was really immersive and i was super impressed!

makeup and costumes were fabulous. i know people clowned arlong’s design from the trailers, but i always really liked it bc of its practical effects and watching his full performance in the show was icing on the cake. the fishmen all looked incredible! absolutely spot on from the costume and makeup departments

drunk usopp???? need it like i need air

suave but unpervy sanji???? please, oda, bring him back i BEG

luffy’s curly hair 😭

zoro and nami’s interactions?? chef’s kiss. loved how they made each other work for their trust and friendship

all the little cameos to diff characters in wanted posters

the cgi they did use looked so fucking flawless. like the sea king and buggy’s devil fruit? it was truly a spectacle

the bad and the ugly:

the writing. i have to say, while i thought some parts were fine, i thought other aspects of the writing (namely the parts NOT written by oda) were lacking and stereotypical. it seemed like there was a real need in the writers room to spell everything out for the audience about the one piece world, when i really don’t think that is necessary. part of the charm is how whimsical the world is and how unhurried the east blue beginning arc felt. and they inserted a lot of weird bullshit i felt didn’t fit the original story

on that same note: the straw hat bonding was weak imo. i am a nami-stan to the day i die, but i really felt like they used her character to override the developments between luffy and the other straw hats. i think having nami present in axe-hand morgan’s base with luffy/zoro immediately discredited the initial bond that the two boys were supposed to have. i get why they did it, and i never thought i’d see the day where i wouldn’t want to see more nami, but i feel like her presence during that moment, her convo with kaya, and her staying for baratie really stole important bonding moments from luffy and each of the boys.

similar to that: luffy’s characterization. (note: i adore iñaki! this has nothing to do with him, just how the writers wrote luffy.) i don’t think the writers knew how to approach writing luffy or even zoro for that matter—which, to be fair, they are difficult characters to write. but i think they got very focused on trying to explain or make sense of luffy for the viewers when i truly think the appeal to pre-time skip op is how both the audience and the straw hat crew are constantly learning more and more about who luffy is through his actions. and in tandem, they didn’t know how to flesh out luffy and zoro’s relationship. where animanga luffy and zoro are bonded because they innately seem to just get one another, i think the LA writers didn’t trust that either their script or the actors portraying them could get that across as well without having them literally spell it out for us. and in turn, i think it really watered down their connection when that bond should be one of the absolute strongest.

okay i’m beginning to realize that all my critiques have to do with writing

like, they didn’t show us how much each village comes to love the straw hats???? which is a HUGE part of why we and everyone in the world adores them??????????

little (and big) things about the characters that got lost in the LA: zoro’s sense of humor, usopp’s love of bugs (seriously, he wouldn’t be spooked by a damn spiderweb, cmon), nami being a weather prodigy, usopp being a sniping prodigy, bellemere and nojiko having hope bc infant nami was laughing, luffy only doing stuff bc he wants to, luffy and zoro not caring about the details of nami’s history, sanji bonding w luffy bc he was strong and kind and joining because luffy asked him to, helmeppo’s falling out w his father (like if you’re gonna put so much of him in there at least set up his backstory correctly???), arlong seeing zoro’s wound from mihawk, arlong park walk???!, and so many other things honestly…..

in general, the whimsy of the world was lacking. so much of what sets one piece (especially at the beginning) apart from other shows is how much fun it is. i get that netflix wanted to netflixify this world, but that’s not why we fell in love w the show. we want to see them goofing off, we want to see all the silly, ridiculous jokes. we want the hilarity of it all and how each character (no matter how cool) is still subject to being a fool at times. usopp’s character really brought a lot of life to the show after he was introduced, which i am infinitely grateful for, but i think the writers forgot the core of the show: the fun of it all.

OH. and here is my biggest gripe of them all……. THE FUCKING MARINES. like holy shit, i didn’t realize i was watching a fucking military propo??? i understand they wanted to make koby more relevant for the story but fuck, did we really need fifteen minutes every episode dedicated to the marines???? i loved koby and garp’s actors, but all the focus on them (WHEN THEY ARENT EVEN IN THE EAST BLUE MUCH AT ALL) really soured me on their characters tbh. they robbed us of so much time that could have been spent on any of the above issues listed just for the sake of adding fish-eye-lens close-ups of them shootin’ the shit with each other. it’s like they didn’t want new viewers becoming unsympathetic to the fucking military even tho oda specifically wrote marines as antagonists lmao. truly, i think all the issues i had w the show could have been fixed if they simply didn’t make so much of it about garp and koby.

along w that thought: someone—anyone—please tell me why they needed a garp and luffy confrontation in this first fucking season. please, help me understand. because imo, that was the most atrocious thing they could have done. they literally cut out KEY PARTS to the arlong park arc just to make room for it. the arlong park bit was so badly fumbled imo. making nojiko and the villagers actually hate nami instead of pretending to??? TOMATO TOMATO TOMATO. saying nami asked to join arlong instead of him forcing her to?? FUCKING AWFUL. having luffy chase nojiko down for the story instead of his “i don’t need to know it, i just need her to rely on us”???!!!! fine, go ahead and erase a crucial part of his character. and don’t even get me started on how garp’s moment completely replaced nami’s iconic “goodbye” to coco village and genzo telling luffy not to make her cry. seriously, i could go on for hours about those episodes alone.

additionally, they made the whole “luffy didn’t tell us about his grandpa being a marine” thing like an issue in the crew when that is not at all how it should have gone. the entire point of garps original intro as luffy’s grandpa in animanga is that we AND the straw hats have spent enough time with luffy to understand that he doesn’t say more than what needs to be said. while we were all surprised, no one (not even his crew) are upset about him withholding that. so to introduce garp so early in the plot and then make it a whole moment of dissent for the crew is fucked up and pointless.

i really think they only added so much of the marines because they were worried there weren’t enough “stakes” to push luffy and the crew forward in the narrative, but that is utter bullshit because the ENTIRE point of the east blue arc is that it’s BEFORE luffy ever has a bounty—before he ever is being truly chased—so EVERYTHING he does is simply for the pure sake that he WANTS TO. and that is precisely why each crew member loves him. that’s why WE love him.

last but not least: where tf was hatchan??? ☹️

overall, my problem with the LA so far is that i feel as if the writer’s don’t have a full grasp on the straw hats, and while they were writing the story, things that should’ve been central to their personas got left behind. it felt like since they didn’t feel like they understood luffy as a character, they tried to overcompensate by making him into something he isn’t.

the outline for everything was there and i think it was still a very fun watch, but im left longing for the magic and catharsis of the original story. in the end, it was entertaining but really just made me want to rewatch the anime to get the full effect of oda’s wonderful storytelling

[blurglesmurfklaine]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

gonna unofficially thank @forabeatofadrum for this tag bc she said whoever wanted to do it and I wanted to so here it be!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

49??? What when how did that happen??

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

706,964 woah so not quite a million but uh I have shit to say apparently

3. What fandoms do you write for?

46 of the 49 fics are glee lmaooo, two are Newsies and one is Roswell, New Mexico! I anticipate more Newsies (Javid) fics to come because I’m obsessed

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

There From The Start

Cornelia Street

Here We Go Again

An Honest Man

If Music Be

All for Glee: Klaine!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to respond to as many as I can, but I usually forget lol. If someone leaves an insightful comment though it will usually spur a long conversation in the comments and I LOVE IT

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

If The World Was Ending bc they uh :) die, technically speaking

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Uhhhh probably every other one??? I really don’t like sad endings so most have a happy ending, but i actually really like the ending to Stick Season because despite it being so terribly emotional and angsty, I feel like the ending is a turnaround and really hopeful!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really? A few annoying comments telling me characters wouldn’t act this way, and one asking me “where my creativity was” which rubbed me the wrong way but I try to focus on the positive ones! Those definitely linger in my mind longer 💞

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Don’t look at me. Yes. Sometimes. Idk man sometimes those dudes just need to fuck it out???? But I usually only write it if the story feels like it’s naturally going there. It’s never really porn for porn’s sake (for clarification there’s nothing wrong with that we all love a little pwp), it’s usually the sappy emotional kind that’s mostly feelings and vague descriptions. it’s definitely not my forte and something I still get a little embarrassed and self conchas about lmao

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not recently but I did have a Supernatural/Glee crossover a few years ago (shut up I was 16) and honestly it was loads of fun! Blaine was the child of that Gay Angel and Repressed Bisexual Man. Absolutely a slay

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don’t think so? But a few old ones from my fanfiction dot net page ended up on one of those search engine thingies??? Idk how to explain it or how to take it down but honestly… I have bigger problems lol

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No but if anyone ever wants to let me know!!! It would make me so happy!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yeah! Quite a few actually. I usually do the franken-fic every year and I did the roulette challenge and that m aforementioned crossover was actually a collab! Some of my favorite memories was writing the final chapter of A Night At The Ryerson House with @esperantoauthor 💞

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

OOF. Okay so. With 46 fics on AO3 you could say Klaine has a special place in my heart, buuuuuuut…….. my best friend introduced me to newsies in April and I seriously think it did something to my brain chemistry because Jack and Davey own my entire ass

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Ugh. I’m so fearful that I’ll never finish Amidst The Chaos, which I LOVE but takes so much out of me. There’s also one I’ve never posted called “Strangers Again” that involves like timeline jumping but in a romcom way that I’m not sure how to go about??? Also the community college one. I have so many.

For Javey I tried writing that Spider-Man AU but like. I need to re do the entire first chapter. I absolutely hate it actually and I think it’s because I don’t have a clear vision of what exactly I want, but I know what I DO NOT want????

16. What are your writing strengths?

Uhhhhhhhhhhh I’m actually not sure entirely? I’m gonna go with dialogue bc that’s usually how scenes come to me first.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Scenery/setting/sensory, world building, plot points, physical movement holy fuck do not get me started when That Guy has to move Across The Room AHHHHHH I wanna tear my face off

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Love it! In my brain Jack Kelly is Mexican because I love to project, and I’ve got a wip where Blaine is involved in a Hispanic community (no he’s mot Hispanic he’s just got a Mexican friend who is an old lady and also Catholicism is involved it’s a lot to explain okay go with it) so I like to use it, but only in a way that feels natural to ME based on MY experiences. Different people have different approaches!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Glee!

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Oof. This one is hard but I think it’s an even tie between Here We Go Again and If Music Be!

Tagging: @somefeministtheatrepls @somanywords @justgleekout @kurtsascot and anyone else who wants to try!

[aajjks]

BC!JK

are your eyes believing what they’re seeing? THE jeon jungkook defending you against jongin all because he snapped your headphones. he even forces him to apologize to you and though you didn’t enjoy the brutal example jungkook made out of him, you were happy to see one of your tormentors apologizing to you feeling helpless.

you’re unsure why jungkook defended you and you’re hoping the bully club will leave alone but they still insist on making fun of you and giving you weird glances.

“don’t think just cause jungkook defended you means you’re safe from us” namjoon says as he shoves you into the lockers “he’s still the leader at the end of the day” yoongi follows up which means nothing will change.

they didn’t need to break it down for you anymore than that and maybe that will get people to believe that you and jungkook aren’t a thing because you’re sure those kinds of rumors are already brewing. your last two classes weren’t that bad but you ended up taking a lot more time than usual thanks to your least favorite class, chemistry.

you still haven’t seen danielle and you decide to head back home to get caught up with your homework and maybe start on your essay on production for your art class.

unexpectedly or maybe unfortunately, you hear a familiar voice calling out for you and once they get nearer, it’s jeon jungkook shoving his cell in your face demanding you give him your number. you remember politely declining an exchange in numbers but then you remember the cafeteria incident and yoongi’s words.

he still hates you and if you don’t hand him your number, he’ll hurt you like jongin or maybe worse. with a sigh, you put in your number and pray you don’t regret giving your bully your ACTUAL digits but of course you do.

by the time you arrive home and freshen up, jungkook is already ringing your cell phone and sending texts threatening you to pick up.

you really regret giving your worst enemy your phone number….

“yes jungkook?” you say in a bothered tone as you continue to finish your math homework that was starting to irritate you.

“listen…can you please delete my number? i appreciate you wanting me to help but there’s so many other people who are smarter than me. and-AND they’re actually attractive. you don’t want to work with an ugly loser like me. you should work with someone like soojin, danielle, or alina”

He’s in the comfort of his home and he feels awfully hot, the air conditioning doesn’t really help him out because he’s talking to you right now, so he does feel a little excited.

But what you say next has him clenching his jaw in anger. “shut the fuck up. They are dumb bitches and you are really smart.” of course, that is the truth. “And. Soo Jin is only good for fucking, Danielle your dear friend is way too grumpy for me to deal with, and who the fuck is alina?” He scoffs.

“I want to work with you, understand? You.” Jungkook makes sure to emphasize on you, “you are ugly but those women are plastic- at least you’re natural and smart.” he doesn’t want to sound too corny, but the truth is that… you are really beautiful.

You’ve got the perfect lips, the most gorgeous eyes, and the most adorable cheeks. And your nose is absolutely perfection, but his most favorite part about you is definitely your mouth.

Oh he loves it so much. “come on now, speak up little lamb.” it’s like he’s talking to his crush and maybe that is the truth… he feels so giddy. “Come on explain to me about whatever the fuck I missed on in the class.” He smirks. He hears you say over the other line, and you just give up and begin explaining.

Jungkook loves the way you talk it’s so soft and.. it’s just so you. “Ok ok I got it..” he interrupts you once again, because he’s really not interested in that. “Before I hang up, I want you to tell me if he gets you new headphones and if he doesn’t, just let me know.” He bites his lower lip, his gaze settling in his bruised knuckles.

“I’ll make sure that he learns another lesson.”

[goldencherryskies]

Never quite buried | loss of my life chapter 4

Pairing: Art Donaldson x Tashi Duncan x Patrick Zweig x FemaleTennisPlayer!reader

Summary: Your life had always been divided in two: before you met Tashi and after you met Tashi. The second you had laid eyes on her for the first time you knew you had been changed. You were soulmates, meant for each other Nothing could ever tear you two apart, or so you had thought. You could've pinpointed the junior U.S. Open as the night that changed everything. Now you have to juggle your hate-love relationship with tennis with your love-love relationship with Tashi and the two guys who you can't seem to stay away from. Tennis, after all, was only one of the most fucked up relationships of your life.

Warnings: challengers spoiler, challengers content warnings, super minor character death, terrible mother figure, use of y/n, polyamory.

Word count: 6.5K

A/N: Please let me know what you think bc my motivation is severely lacking rn, i feel like i'm writing into the void

series masterlist | prev | next

Tashi remembers perfectly the day your retirement from singles hit the news. It was all everyone could talk about. First, it was the statement on your social media. A well thought out paragraph about your struggles with continuing to enjoy tennis the way you used to and deciding to take a new route, it ended with a promise for more and better news soon. Then it was the teasing posts from Adidas, the “she is not done just yet” and the “love conquers all”. It all came to a peak with the release of the pictures of you and Patrick. Both of you wearing matching Adidas apparel, practicing in the private court you had in your backyard. The chemistry between the two of you was obvious to everyone who saw them. There was a glint in your eyes that no one had seen since you went pro. She knew the smile you were giving Patrick all too well, it used to be reserved for her. 

Her and Art, who had just very recently reconnected, sat on his couch for hours watching the tennis channel, waiting for updates. The relief they felt when it was announced that you were not quitting because you were fatally injured, as everyone had originally thought, was short lived. Neither of them spoke as the commentators showed the images of you and Patrick. Practicing, giggling, getting closer, him giving you that teasing smirk they both knew, you throwing your head back laughing, him beaming at you when you weren’t even looking, both of you focused on the ball, kissing… They both thought about turning off the TV, hitting some balls to work out how they were feeling, but then you were introduced into the set, a vibrant smile as you walked in, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt too big to be yours. The Mark Rebellato Tennis Academy logo only confirmed the obvious. You shook hands with everyone, sitting on the sofa they had reserved for you.

“Y/n Y/l/n, thank you for being here” the older man said, over the clapping of the crowd.

“Thanks for having me!”

“What a day it’s been for all of us, tennis fans. You’ve had us on the edge of our seats! First we mourned, now we’re celebrating… Please tell us why did you do this to us?”

“I am so sorry! I am, I really am” you laughed as the man teased you, God how they missed that laugh. “I have a flair for the dramatic, I must admit, and I am, in a way, saying goodbye to my career as I know it. It’s the start of a new chapter, and it’s really exciting, but it is also a goodbye and it felt right to give it its proper moment. I didn’t realize so many people were going to be so upset about it.”

“Why the switch? Why decide to give up singles completely?”

“I wasn’t enjoying it anymore, it was painful and I had started dreading every second of it. Fortunately, I am in a position where I can decide I don’t want to keep doing something that is bringing me down, so I took advantage of it. I didn’t want my stubbornness to completely ruin my love for tennis. I thought I could step back, maybe take up teaching and try to find that passion again. I was going to quit regardless, so this playing doubles thing happened at just the right time.”

“Yeah, let’s talk about that! You’ve decided to become a full time mixed doubles player with Patrick Zweig, who is a challengers player, somewhere in the two-hundreds. You are currently ranked number one in the world, how does this happen?”

“I think rankings and numbers can be misleading sometimes. Sometimes a player is not playing their best because of external reasons, or simply because they are not meant to be where they are. I think me and Patrick are meant to play together, I really do. And if you can’t trust anything else, trust this: I am really competitive and I hate losing, I would not put myself in a situation like this if I really thought we couldn’t win.”

“From what I’ve heard Zweig and you are committed to each other both on and off the court. You’ve never been open about your private life in the media, and he is the first boyfriend you’ve ever made public, what’s different about him?”

They couldn’t take their eyes off you as you let a bashful smile spread on your face.

“I mean…  Everything. I am pretty possessive of my privacy and we still don’t plan to share everything we do, but the truth is that I have never been open about any boyfriends because I have not had any serious relationships since I went pro. Patrick and I will be playing and training together so I thought it was bound to come out, so to me, I'd rather have that happen on my terms. And I do think Patrick is very different to all relationships I’ve had before, in the best way possible”

Art swallowed, refusing to look at Tashi when she turned to watch him. He didn’t deserve to be jealous. He knew that, if he had treated you right, you would still be together. That knowledge didn’t change how he felt.

“How does that happen? How does one manage to make the Y/n Y/l/n fall in love with them?”

“Well, me and Patrick met each other a while ago, at the U.S Junior Open, actually. He won it, I got second, we hit it off instantly. But it was one of those situations where it’s never the right time, you know? We kept missing each other, we were in relationships with other people, and we ended up drifting apart when I went pro. And then, funnily enough, we bumped into each other at an Adidas party about a year ago, and the rest is history.”

Art couldn’t bring himself to be angry when the TV shut off. He turned to look at Tashi who stood there with the remote in her hand, not looking at him. 

“I’ll see you in ten in the court. We need to work on your serve.”

He didn’t need to be told twice, grateful for the excuse to take his feelings out on the ball. To think about anything that wasn’t your smile as you talked about Patrick. He didn’t say it out loud, but he knew Tashi felt the same way, the sudden urge to train had not come out of nowhere. 

New Rochelle, New York. August 24, 2019:

You look down, shaking your head as Patrick crashes his racquet repeatedly against the floor. The umpire’s voice ominously announcing the score. You raise your face back up when Patrick gets given a penalty. Art walks nonchalantly back to the bench, you can feel Tashi’s smug grin beside you. You make eye contact with your husband and shake your head, he rubs his face with both hands, then nods. As much as you both don’t really care to win this tournament, he knows you’ll be angry if he just lets it go, gets angry and in his head and lets Art have it on conduct alone. So he sits back and waits, ready to be better, to prove himself to you once again, like every time he steps on the court.

Earlier that week. New Rochelle, New York. August 18, 2019:

Tashi is working, writing stats on her computer when she sees Patrick walking towards her from the corner of her eye. She rolls her eyes as he stops behind her, pointing at her screen before he speaks:

“He’s not bad, I played him at a few of these things when I did singles.”

“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be practicing to not humiliate your wife before she carries you through the U.S. Open?”

“I just finished, thanks for caring.”

“Wonderful” she says, not a hint of amusement in her voice.

“Hey, come have a cigarette with me, I have to talk to you.”

“Yeah I don’t smoke, and I’m not talking to you.”

“Neither do I. It was just an excuse.”

She looks back at him, unimpressed, but he doesn’t let up. He stands there, staring at her until she gives in, closing her computer and standing up. Patrick is not sure what he is doing. He probably shouldn’t be doing anything at all, if he’s honest with himself. But he has dug a hole too deep to jump out of now, so he is going to follow through. He is doing this for you, he reminds himself, no matter how angry you’ll be with him at first, he is doing this for you. They find an empty alley and look back at each other, Tashi waits for him to speak, he takes his time collecting his thoughts before he does.

“I’m gonna propose something to you and it’s going to make you angry. It’s going to make you very angry,” he can’t help the smirk growing on his face, her expression doesn’t let up. “I want you to be our coach next season.”

“What?”

“Our coach is retiring, we need someone else. I want you to be our coach from next season on.”

“Does she know you’re offering me this position?”

“No, not yet. But she will, and she’ll agree with me.”

“You know that’s bullshit. Plus, why would I want to coach you guys? I already have a highly successful athlete under my wing.”

“Yeah, but even if he wins the Open and completes his career grand slam, Art’s still gonna retire as someone who was really, really good. That’s what you guys will have done together. But imagine if you could get your hands on us. Imagine if you could make us great. You’d go down in history. We have a couple more seasons. We still have a couple more good seasons and I need you to bring it out of us. What do you think?”

He doesn’t expect Tashi to slap him, turning his face completely, although he really should have. He mumbles a curse under his breath.

“How fucking dare you?” she sounds angry, too angry for his stupid proposition. “You want me to give you my best piece of advice? To coach you? Ok, quit.”

Patrick can’t even begin to think of a response, the murderous gaze Tashi gives him fixes him to the spot.

“Quit right now, right fucking now, quit.”

“What are you talking about?” he is too shocked to be offended.

“You’re dragging her down. She should’ve gone down in history as the best ever player. She would have broken records. She should have been good enough to beat the men, and she is what? Going around playing mixed doubles with you? It’s pathetic. Quit, and maybe she’ll have a chance at being an ounce of what she should’ve been.”

“You’re fucking joking”

And now Patrick is angry too. Because he is tired. He is so tired of the endless comments and judgment. He is tired of being blamed for ruining you and your career as if it hadn’t been your decision. As if it hadn’t been your idea. As if he was capable of ever doing that to you. As if he hadn’t begged for you to think it over a million times before you took a step that you wouldn’t be able to come back from. As if he hadn’t been the sole reason the world of tennis hadn’t lost you completely. As if he didn’t try harder than he had ever tried to be enough for you and make sure you never resented him or regretted being with him in any way. The thing that makes him the most angry, though, is that it’s Tashi. And how dare Tashi, the woman who had abandoned you and ruined your love for tennis in the first place, blame him for something she had pushed you to do. Something that was nobody’s fault but hers.

“You must be fucking delusional if you think for just one second that I would ever, ever, ask her to give up on her career for me. You know whose idea it was to play mixed doubles only? Y/n’s. She thought of it, she asked me to do it, she orchestrated every single little detail. And you wanna know why she did it? Because she hated tennis. She was going to quit. She couldn’t stand the thing she loved the most anymore. And you wanna know what made her start to hate tennis, even though her love for it never wavered before, not even with her borderline abusive mum who only loved her for her talent in it? You, Tashi. You did. You ruined tennis for her. So get the fuck off that high horse you continue to ride everywhere, because if there’s one person here to blame for ruining her career, it’s the one I’m looking at.”

He is out of breath when he finishes speaking, and he doesn't know what to do. He has so much shit he wants to throw at her, so much resentment for all that she had put you, and him, through. But he can’t say anything else, the second Tashi’s expression falls, even if it is only for a moment, he can feel his heart shatter inside his chest. No matter how much he hates Tashi, how much he resents her, he loves her. He loves her so much it hurts deep inside his chest, like an ache that is so present he had almost forgotten it existed. But looking at her right now, he feels it, pulsating all through him, and he knows, with a certainty he hadn’t wanted to acknowledge before, that he will never not feel this way about her.

“You don’t know what you’re saying” her voice is stern, but Patrick knows her too well to believe her tone.

“You hate me” it’s not a question. “And you hate her too. Me, for having her. Her for having the career you deserved. And it’s driving you crazy, because as much as you hate us both, you also love us. And as much as you love Art, you hate him too.”

“Excuse me?”

“You hate him because he is just Art, that’s all he can ever be. He will never be me, and he will never be her. And as much as you love him, just Art will never be enough for you.”

“I don’t know what gives you the right to speak about my marriage…”

“The same thing that gives you the right to speak about mine. Does Art know about Atlanta?” he cuts her off.

The pure, unfiltered shock on her face lets him know he has caught her off guard. She did not expect him to know about it. She collects herself quickly, but she doesn’t say anything.

“You keep saying you came here because Art needed matches, but I think you came for something else.”

“You think I came here for you?”

“And for her” he says nodding. “I’ve been signed up for this tournament for months, there’s no way you didn’t see my name in the participants list.”

“You think I came here, to throw it all away for you?”

“Maybe you just wanted to see us…”

“I don’t need to see you to know that you look like shit, and she should get as far away from you as soon as possible.”

She starts to walk away, decisively.

“I’m going to beat him,” he says, it stops her in her tracks, she turns her face to look at him. “If we both make it to the final I’m going to beat him.”

“Even if you did, it wouldn’t change anything.”

“It would break him, you know it would.”

She shakes her head and starts to walk away, too exasperated to come up with another hurtful retort about his failed career. She jogs after her, catching up with her pace almost effortlessly. He grabs her arm, makes her stop walking. He pulls up a piece of paper from the back pocket of his jeans.

“My number, in case you change your mind about the coaching… Or about seeing us again.”

“I won’t.”

He nods, shrugs his shoulders. Then, he watches her put the note in her pocket. He smiles.

New Rochelle, New York. August 24, 2019:

Patrick hasn’t looked away from you even once. You know even though you are looking into your lap. You are hyper aware of every single person around you. Most accurately, you are hyper aware of the woman next to you and the two men playing against each other. You play with your ring as you feel Tashi tell Art to focus. When you finally meet Patrick’s eyes he doesn’t smile. He raises his left hand and kisses the ring on his finger without breaking eye contact as the umpire announces the start of the next set. He crosses paths with Art as he makes his way to the other side of the net but he doesn’t move his eyes from you until he is getting ready to serve. You know then, with absolute certainty, that he is doing this for you.

Atlanta Open, Atlanta. July 18, 2011:

Even though Patrick and you both know why you are sitting in the stands during practice time instead of walking around the venue, or actually practicing, you are still shocked when you see Tashi and Art walk into the court. Your hand reaches for Patrick, holding on to his thigh as if on a rollercoaster that is suddenly going down. You both try to look composed and careless, but you don’t know if you are doing a good job. Art and Tashi do the same, pretending they can’t see you, even though you are the only other ones there and you stick out like a sore thumb. Patrick and you talk to each other, although neither of you would be able to recall anything said during your conversation, and share the fries you had bought before walking over. You pretend you just casually stumbled to sit there for a snack, that you hadn’t checked the schedule to figure out what time and what court Art Donaldson had for pre-match practice. Art hits the ball like he hasn’t been able to hit it in a while, grunting as his racket made contact with it. Tashi looks at you for a second, then back at Art. She nods, satisfied. You want to run away, want to erase that satisfied smirk from her face and your memory. But you stay glued to your seat, hand in your boyfriend’s thigh, heart pounding, and you take the way they ignore you like a punishment.

New Rochelle, New York. August 23, 2019:

The wind is relentless, the trees hitting against the window making repetitive thwack noises that remind Patrick of the sound of the ball hitting the racket. You have been answering emails and making calls to finish preparing things for tomorrow, the U.S. Open, and whatever lies in store for you both after that. Patrick knows that you’ve been messaging potential coaches and though the guilt pit on his stomach keeps growing, he can’t bring himself to say anything to you. He hopes you haven’t set in stone anything, because he is still delusionally confident that Tashi will accept his offer. He knows he should help, whatever you are doing affects him too, but he is too nervous to do anything productive so he just lays around, throwing a ball against the ceiling, or the wall, or whatever he can find. After the third time the ball slips from his hand too early or too late and hits you, you stand up and point to the door.

“Leave, right now” he makes no attempt to move. “Patrick, I mean it. I’m working and I know that you are nervous but you’re stressing me out so go down to the sauna, or get a drink or something that’s not going to make me ask you for a divorce or have to spend the rest of the night finding a place to hide your body.”

Patrick smiles as he stands up. He picks one of the keys from your bedside table and walks over to you, kissing your head before making his way to the door.

“I love you.” 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, love you too. Leave now, please.”

He giggles all the way down the elevator. He doesn’t feel like drinking, which means he doesn’t feel like making a fool of himself tomorrow for getting drunk the night before a match, especially not in front of Art and Tashi. So he walks around until he finds the sauna, maybe that will help him calm down. But as he gets naked and opens the door he can’t believe his bad luck. Although there is a white towel covering his face, there is no denying the naked man sitting right in front of him is Art Donaldson. Patrick doesn’t think there’s a world where he wouldn’t recognize him, no matter how much he’s changed from that scrawny blonde boy he once knew like the back of his hand. He thinks about turning around, walking out, pretending he never saw him, and finding something else to do for the night. But there’s no way Art hasn’t heard the door opening, and Patrick has never been one to run from conflict, not really. So he steps forward, lets his mind get a little bit caught up in the past, sue him he hasn’t seen this guy in years, and opens his mouth:

“Can you do me a favor? Can you not like, demolish me tomorrow?” He says it with the inflection of a pick up line, and before he can even finish his sentence Art is pulling the towel away from his face and looking at him like he already knew that it was him standing at the door, even before he said anything.

They are both smiling as Patrick pulls the sauna door closed and walks toward Art. He is acting far more comfortably than he feels, but if he stops to think about what is actually happening he might start shaking and poop his pants, which would be a terrible thing seeing as he isn’t wearing any. He gets way too close to him, and raises one of his legs on the bench, dick fully on display. Art makes a valiant attempt pretending he doesn’t look down.

“Hey, congrats on being a Phil Tire’s Town Challenger finalist.”

“Yeah, you too” Art says, looking forward to not have to look at Patrick, who is smiling far too wide for the situation they are in and the past that they have.

“Hopefully the wind dies down by tomorrow and we can have a fair fight” Patrick lets himself pretend this is normal, like they are two competitors getting ready for the final, maybe even pals catching up after not having seen each other in a while.

Art doesn’t let him have a second of the little fantasy he’s made up in his head, though. He slides down the bench, getting as far away from him as he can without looking like he is actually running away.

“C’mon, can we talk?” Patrick says, and his voice sounds pitiful even to his own ears.

“Can you put your dick away” Art’s voice is stern, but he looks him in the eye for the first time since he walked in, so he counts it as a win.

“This is a sauna,” Patrick scoffs, putting up a fight so Art won’t notice he’d do anything he told him to. “Look, we've been here for a week and we haven’t said two words to each other. It's just… it’s silly, man. It’s dramatic. I mean, really, why are you so angry with me?”

He sits down, obeying Art and covering his dick. Art is finally looking at him, really looking at him. It has the same effect it did back when they were kids, Art looking at him makes him feel brave. He can’t stop himself from rambling on.

“Look, I don’t buy that it’s because of Tashi, I don’t think it’s because of what happened to her. And I hope it’s not about Y/n, because you have no right… So, I think, maybe, you’re just really disturbed by the fact that they could’ve been into someone like me. Both of them”

“Tashi liked you when we were teenagers.”

“Sure, but I just got married to the girl you said was the love of your life.”

“I ended things with her.”

“And you regret it every single day of your life,” Patrick knew, because it was the same way you and him felt about him and Tashi, “and you know that Tashi does too.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“We both know that if Tashi had been a little more brave back then, she would’ve never taken either of our numbers. If she had been a little bit more honest with herself, she would’ve swept Y/n away and neither of us would’ve had a chance with either of them.”

“That still happened when they were teenagers. When we were teenagers.”

“Huh” Patrick looks thoughtful. “When they were teenagers…”

Atlanta Open, Atlanta. July 18, 2011:

You slip out of your room in a t-shirt that is definitely not yours and the first shorts you stumble across on your way to the door. You can’t sleep and Patrick’s soft snores, which you often find endearing, are getting on your nerves. He doesn’t stir, even as you close the door softly behind you. You don’t know what you are doing, or where you’re going. You take the stairs down, needing to move your body for a little bit. You walk outside, feeling like no matter how hard you breathe in there’s not enough air in your lungs. You lay your weight against the brick wall of the hotel. You get your breathing under control after a couple minutes of staring at the sky trying to look for constellations you don’t know the name of anyways. When you turn around, to go back inside the hotel, you realize that right next to where you were standing there’s a window to the hotel’s bar. There, sitting down, nursing a glass that you can only assume contains something strong, already staring at you, is Tashi Duncan. You don’t know what you’re doing, but you let your feet guide you inside. Then, instead of going up the stairs like you should, you take a right turn and walk right into the bar. Tashi finds you immediately, having been looking at the door. You don’t understand what you’re doing, but before you can think about it you are sitting right in front of her. You haven’t looked at her this up close in years. You search, but you can’t find many differences. She looks exactly like the girl you knew with her hair a little shorter. You wonder if it’s the same on the inside, if the million secrets you knew about her still hold true. If you could still tell which of her smiles were fake, or when she was about to cry but was trying to hold it down.

“I heard you gave up,” she whispers after a minute of staring into each other’s eyes.

“I quit singles, I didn’t give up,” but you can tell she doesn’t really believe you, so you scan her, trying to find something else to talk about. Your eyes lock on the ring in her finger. “That’s a gorgeous ring.”

Your fingers find your own ring instinctively. You don’t know if you’re trying to make sure it’s still there, or if you are trying to ask your dad for strength. Her gaze lowers, first to your ring, then to her own.

“It’s his grandmother’s.”

You nod, you know what that means. Art had always talked about wanting to propose to his future wife with his grandmother’s ring. Back when he fantasized with you about it, it was your hand that ring ended up on. He always talked about taking you to the residency so you could meet his grandmother, completely sure she would love you and give you her blessing immediately. You think of your own sentimental family ring, unsure you would ever be able to trust anyone enough to carry it, no matter how much you loved them.

“How is she?” you ask, more out of politeness than anything else, you never got to meet her, after all.

“She died. Stroke”

You grimace, knowing the feeling of losing the one person who truly believes in you too well.  You look around, trying desperately to find something to say, you will your brain to remember the million icebreakers and conversation starters you had been forced to memorize for the awfully boring networking parties your mum used to throw for you. You come up with nothing, so you look back at her and lean over the table and she imitates you. Your faces inches away from each other. You feel drunk even though you haven’t had a single sip of alcohol all day. You don’t question it, Tashi always made you feel like you were going crazy and a little bit drunk. It must be that what pushes you to say what comes out of your mouth next:

“I miss you.”

She doesn’t say anything, but she leans further over the table, getting impossible close to your face without touching it. Then, when you are completely sure she is going to tell you to go fuck yourself and leave her alone, her hand makes her way to the back of your neck pushing you towards her until your eyes meet. There might be a million things that have changed since the last time you did this, but kissing Tashi Duncan feels exactly the same as the first time you did it. It feels like coming home.

New Rochelle, New York. August 23, 2019:

“You’re right” Art says finally, leaning his back against the wall. “I do find it disturbing.”

“There’s no need, man. Lots of girls were into me, but only one of them wanted to marry me. I’ve always thought that was not what I was for, so I don’t know how I did it.”

“Yeah, neither do I.”

Patrick feels his entire skin burn with the way Art looks him up and down. He curses in his head the years they’ve spent apart and the secretive, mature person Art has become, he can’t read him like he could. He can’t tell if he is teasing, or trying to humiliate him. He can’t tell if he’s angry, or just as desperately sad as he is.

Atlanta Open, Atlanta. July 18, 2011:

You don’t know how but you and Tashi have stumbled onto a hotel room that you don’t recognize. It’s much bigger and fancier than yours so you assume it’s hers. You want to ask where Art is, if he is about to walk in on the two of you making out on his bed, but the way she is kissing you makes you forget about everything. You roll onto the bed, hands on either side of her face as hers roam your body freely. It’s too much and not enough simultaneously and you moan and pant on her lips. It’s everything you’ve always dreamt of and you can’t help wanting more. More of her and her body, of her lips, more of her heart. You try to not be greedy, take what she gives you, and soon you’re seeing stars and rolling over, breathing with difficulty.

“That was…” 

“Yeah” she mumbles.

“So… What happens now?”

“What do you mean what happens now?” she seems confused as she stands from the bed, walking around until she finds your clothes.

“We just had sex,” you say, obviously.

“Look, we shouldn’t have done this. It was a mistake.” She throws your t-shirt at you, you put it on slowly.

“A mistake?” you’re getting angrier by the second, but you don’t want to yell and alert whoever is sleeping in the room next to this one.

“Yeah, we will act as if nothing happened.”

“What about Art?

“He doesn’t need to know,” you shake your head as you finish putting on your clothes.

“That’s fucked up.”

“Do not act as if I was the only one who cheated! Aren’t you and Patrick dating?”

“I never said that! You can’t just run away from everything you refuse to accept. You haven’t talked to me in years!”

“Yeah, and it should have stayed that way.”

“One day you’re going to wake up and realize that everything you’ve refused to accept all your life is catching up to you, and by then, it might be too late.”

“Get out” she says, instead of replying to what you said, you don’t need to be told twice.

You manage to hold back your tears until you are standing in front of the elevator. You’re fully sobbing when the doors open, revealing a very confused Art. You see him step towards you, but you refuse to let either of them continue breaking your heart. You step backwards, then turn around. You run until you find the stairs. By the time you make it back to your room you look like a mess. You knock on the door, you must have left your key in Tashi’s room but you are too upset to care about that or waking Patrick up. His entire face changes when he opens the door. Worry taking over his expression.

“Y/n, what happened? Where were you?

You fall onto his arms, sobbing. He leads you in, closing the door behind you. You don’t speak until you’re both seating in bed.

“I saw Tashi… And I… We…” you don’t say anything else, but you don’t need to, he understands.

He holds you through the night. The next morning, you forfeit the tournament and go home.

New Rochelle, New York. August 23, 2019:

“Honestly, I thought you’d be happy I was in the draw” Patrick is not ready to let it go, to shut up and walk away from Art, he doesn’t know when’s the next time he’ll be able to talk to him again, so he runs his mouth. “I mean, you’ve always wanted to beat me in a tournament, and two weeks before the open… It’s the perfect confidence booster.

He settles on cocky because he doesn’t know what else to do. He has never been very good at being vulnerable, not with Art, and no amount of therapy is going to make him start now, when he can see how done he is with him from a mile away.

“I know what you’re trying to do right now,” Art smiles.

“I’m not trying to do anything, Art,” but he doesn’t know if he’s telling the truth. “This is a challenger, I don’t need to play mind games with you.”

“Right, you don’t give a shit.”

“Hey, I didn’t say that…”

“We both know that you have a considerably higher stake here than I do.”

“Do I?”

Art laughs, but there’s no real humor to it. Patrick does too, trying to conceal the way he is sure his entire body is shaking.

“Oh, fuck… Where do you get your swagger from, man?” Patrick can tell, from the way Art is looking at him, that this is the part that’s going to hurt, he doesn’t try to stop it. “I mean you come in here swinging your dick around like I’m supposed to be afraid of it but do you realize how embarrassing it is that you are here right now?”

“Not quite as embarrassing as you being here,” Patrick has never known a way to back down, so he stirs the pot.

He’d rather have Art yelling at him or humiliating him than not talking to him at all. His therapist would not be very proud.

“I’m just stopping by, man. You would live here if it wasn’t for her” there’s a pause, suddenly Patrick wants to take everything back, run away with his tail between his legs, but it’s too late. “You know, I’ve always tried to figure out what happened to you, but the more I thought about it the more I realized… It’s what didn’t happen. You never grew up. You still think you can talk to me like you’re my peer because we came from the same place, because you’ve managed to stumble into some of the same competitions. But it’s not about where you came from in tennis, Patrick, it’s about winning. And I do, a lot. And you only do because you tricked Y/n into playing with you. But one day, she’s going to wake up and realize she wasted her entire fucking life in a pathetic man who thinks he’s the shit because he won the junior U.S Open a trillion years ago. And then, you’ll be left with what you deserve: nothing.”

“You’ve never beaten me,” he says, as if it’s what matters out of everything he said.

He says it because if he focuses on what Art said about you, he might cry. He doesn’t want to cry, not in front of Art, not right now. He doesn’t have enough willpower to fight him, like he knows he should, like he did with Tashi.

“So what? I haven’t beaten most of the guys who play in these things, or the ones who only make it into the big tournaments playing doubles. This is a game about winning the points that matter.”

“I don’t matter?” he doesn’t know why he says it, or what he is expecting to get in return.

“Not even to the most obsessive tennis fan in the entire world,” his voice is monotone, tired, Patrick wants to crawl out of his skin.

“We’re not talking about tennis.”

“What the fuck else do I have to talk to you about?”

“I wanted to come in here to wish you good luck, Art,” he says, and he means it.

“That makes no sense,” Art scoffs, looking away, he’s talking to himself more than Patrick.

“I wanted to say that I’m looking forward to it, I miss playing with you,” he is being vulnerable, but he knows Art won’t believe him, which is probably why he says it in the first place.

“Yeah,” he nods his head and he looks amused, but Patrick can see right through him, he’s about to finish him off. “Well, I don’t miss playing with you, man. I’m too old for it.”

As soon as the door is closed behind Art, Patrick lets himself drop onto the bench. He tells himself he is not going to cry. There’s tears running down his face by the time you open the door of your room to him. He doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t need to, you understand.

[vanivenivici]

Sorry I’m coming back here again this thing has unscrewed the tap and I can’t shut up. I must rant about it some more. Netflix has all the money in the world and they continuously pump out mediocrity I won’t stand for it. 100% unorganized stream-of-consciousness. You’ve been warned.

ANYWAY. MOONRISE.

I saw a negative review for it in passing that said something akin to “the characters have too much downtime. they spend too much time chitchatting” and I’m like….. did we watch the same anime?? Bc there is virtually NO downtime. The characters suck because we know next to nothing about them, ESPECIALLY their motivations. And the reason that we don’t know anything about them is because Every Time they actually start to talk to each other SOMETHING EXPLODES.

Everything and I mean everything the main cast attempts to do turns into a crisis. They can’t even have dinner and decompress after being chased all over the moon and almost dying several times without a fucking bomb going off in the bar it’s EXHAUSTING.

And then the general keeps giving them these important missions but they never succeed once!! “I want these guys in particular to do it,” why??? Have they proven that they’re even the least bit competent??

So much of the plot hinges on the audience not knowing what the fuck is going on, and I hate that. I hate when important info is deliberately hidden from the audience for nothing but shock value. Maybe that’s just a pet peeve of mine. But then the show can’t be upset when I don’t give a shit about any of the characters because I have no idea why these people are here. I have no idea what they’re fighting for except this vague idea of revenge. For the mysterious antihero this makes sense. The story unfolds around his goals. But the main cast?? Why are Rhys and Georg here? Why is ANYONE but the main character here? Because AI mommy said so? SAY THAT THEN. SAY SOMETHING.

The idea that humanity has become so reliant on this AI that they literally do not think for themselves anymore is a good angle!! Too bad it’s never touched upon!!! Unless you count the incident in last episode which I do not!!

Rhys in particular leans on the AI so much. Our poorly written tsundere who is all tsun and zero dere. In episode one it’s implied that she and our main guy Jack are supposed to be in some arranged relationship between rich families, but there is never any inkling of chemistry between them. I didn’t get the impression that they liked each other at all until some forced “I’d be sad if you died” scene and Rhys did the “えええー?!” anime girl blush. She yells and fusses at Jack for the whole show for both good and inane reasons, but it’s her only. character trait. And not like in an actual tsundere way where she’s a little mean but secretly cares or is strict with him because she’s his grounding line. She just yells at him. All the time.

Anyway her motivations for… anything she does are a mystery. We could chalk it up to “the AI told me to,” but that’s just speculation. And she has no inner conflict on that front until literally the last ten minutes of the show. She’s helpless until after the last of the (several) time skips, and after that we’re supposed to believe that she’s suddenly this cold blooded badass who can go toe-to-toe with the strongest captains in the rebel army. For why. You have to make me believe that. The audience didn’t see her go through enough or work hard enough to earn that shift. If I believed that she actually cared about Jack and therefore his betrayal would push her to fight hard to bring him back, then sure. But I don’t. All I get is a weak jealousy subplot because “grr he picked Mary over me,” which is 1) not true and 2) actually aligns with Jack’s character thus far because the alternative is LETTING YOU KILL HER BECAUSE AI MOMMY SAID SO.

Rhys could’ve been an interesting character completely devoted to the AI and clinging to her fraying world order by any means necessary. I can SEE the skeleton but the writing did absolutely nothing for her. She’s written more as an obstacle than a character. Everything I wanted to be fleshed out was left to rot in the back of the cupboard……

And Georg. I have no idea what this guy’s deal is. To my memory, we’re never told how he knows Jack or why he’s on this team. Apparently everyone got arrested for some reason or another after the terrorist bombing in episode one. But don’t dwell on that because it’s just a means of extortion. It’ll get mentioned a few times and then quickly forgotten. Georg is the goofy best friend character without any of the personable warmth. He gets so so close to questioning super AI mommy and then immediately, like within the same episode, his character takes a 180° because Plot. (The writers didn’t know what to do with him. Or any of the characters except Jack and Phil, for that matter.)

And poor Mary is the best character in the show and then she gets swiftly demoted to a PLOT DEVICE. Free my girl why did they erase her autonomy. I swear they could’ve had ONE but they fucked it up!!

I could rant about how badly the main cast is mishandled for years but I haven’t even complained yet about how the entire premise has little support in the text!! The fucking war! The people of the moon fighting for independence!!!! We get told that they’re treated badly and  Earth is pillaging their resources and maybe dumping waste? But do we see these things? Of course not. We’ve got another giant space battle to animate! Whyyyy is this war so widely supported by the people of the moon? We have no idea! It just is! Stop asking questions!

What’s with the giant sentient slime mold that just kind of materialized out of nowhere around episode 9? Don’t worry about it. It’s just a thing. We’ll give you one throwaway line within the last 5 minutes of the entire anime that hints at what the rebel army wanted to do with it. Where did it come from? Haven’t you learned to stop asking questions yet??

Do we get literally any information on the SEED project that propels & links every major player in this entire show???? What do you think this is, Gundam?

You know I think the whole ‘Netflix wants shows that you can play in the background while you’re on your phone’ thing must be true. Even for subtitled anime. It has to be because I’m not that type and if you even GLANCE at the loose seams on this show the entire thing falls to pieces. 

I’m so mad because the premise is interesting and there were so many signs that this could have been good but they were SQUANDERED. If the characters just TALKED to each other and we knew a little more about them. If the plot leaned into humanity’s reliance on the all powerful AI. If we got a better idea of WHAT the Rebel army was actually trying to do for the last five episodes. If we spent more time picking apart the main character’s origins and its relationship to the AI. If only. If only.

……..Oh and that previous tag I had about the guy that died off-screen and then the following episode is a flashback of him mostly just playing pokemon go? That was in no way an exaggeration. In fact that tag should be taken completely literally.

Oh yeah I watched that Moonrise anime over the weekend. lmao what a trainwreck… I knew I didn’t like it but it’s been days and I just can’t stop thinking about how bad it was yk?

the pacing? trash. the characters? unlikeable (with the exception of 2). the plot? a tshirt cannon full of half-baked sci-fi confetti.

Personally my fav was the sentient, acre-big assimilation slime mold that was only explained maybe in one throwaway line during a battle.

AGH the more I think about it the more I keep going “AND ANOTHER THING—”

[mikasaerens]

Shadow and Bone- Season 2 Thoughts

Patrick is EXCELLENT as Nikolai, I can’t believe I ever doubted him, he was killer 

Jesper is incredible, I want to see Kit be famous forever, he’s so charismatic and charming 

Mal and Alina have only platonic, sibling, friendship chemistry

Darklina are far more interesting and compelling and their chemistry is actually more romantic and sensual

One scene of Darklina just talking to each other is far more electric than Mal/Alina kissing 

Tolya and Tamar’s introduction had me on my KNEES bitch

Pekka Rollins is fucking incredible, he’s a great and intimidating and memorable villain 

“Oh my trembling heart” NINA IS SO ICONIC

The Darkling’s intro was incredible, he’s already even more dynamic this season than last

The CROWS ALL TOGETHER, AT LAST!! 

Wylan is absolutely perfect, I had my doubts about him since he doesn’t look anything like I pictured, but the actor is amazing and really stepped into the character 

Wesper under the carriage flirting while getting shot at it is peak romance 

Malina is such a boring relationship fr, I like Mal in the show but their relationship is so passionless and boring, I get it, they’re a “healthy” relationship but that’s not a justification for being a boring relationship to watch, this is fiction not real life, people want interesting dynamics between characters

Jesper calling Kaz his brother and Kaz agreeing and smiling!!!! BITCHHHHH I’m in pain, I love them so much

David is a treasure

I need a spin-off of just Tolya and Tamar bc they were nothing short of incredible, I loved every scene of theirs, they totally stole the show 

THE CUT is the coolest and most badass magic in this magic system 

Kanej were incredible and the BEST thing about the show as usual, they’re my favorite ship of all time and I’ve shipped them for so long now that I don’t have anything new to say tbh but I will say that we got entirely too little of them, we needed more scenes of them- the dream sequence changed my life, I’ve been wishing to see a moment like that between them for years, the “I will have you without armor” entire sequence in the Church was phenomenal but I’m not obsessed with the way it ended with Inej leaving and that weird insinuation with Tolya and Inej was NOT IT. 

Genya is incredible, Daisy’s acting is out of this world, I remember when I first read SAB, Genya was my favorite character 

I feel like Darklina got completely shafted in this season, I liked seeing The Darkling’s complex feelings towards Alina, but Alina’s feelings towards the Darkling are completely different than they were in the book. In the books it was way more complex and intriguing. 

Zoyalai “I could fix him” BIIIITCCHHHHHH IM SCREAMINGGGGG

Alina as queen with Zoya and Genya working with her is BRILLIANT. Jessie’s coronation outfit and makeup is GORGEOUS. 

The ending was fucking phenomenal, with that whole setup for the Ice Court and Alina having shadow powers and smiling about it??? I’m obsessed. I need s3 yesterday 

[demadogs]

There’s this one blog on here that kinda weirds me out because they are so hyper deadest on shipping Foah together. Like whenever they write normal Byler posts, it’s so beautiful! But then, everything else idk. And I know a lot of us joke about Noah wanting to kiss Finn or vice versa but this blog gives off weird vibes because they seem to genuinely want Finn and Noah to date in real life. They also seem to make a lot of assumptions about their feelings for each other just because of their chemistry. And I don’t know how serious this blog is about it but it gives me Larry shipper vibes. Or like the Fack conspiracy all over again, which hurt Finn and Jack’s friendship at the time

oh my god im glad you brought this up i know exactly who youre talking about. every time i make a post telling people not to ship real people it was bc of that blog in particular. i have them blocked so im not afraid to talk about them. we’ve made jokes and memes about noah being the biggest byler shipper and wanting to kiss finn for byler and theyre mostly pretty harmless but this blog is just something else.

youre right, they make so many assumptions. it pisses me off and it does completely give me larry vibes. they talk as if they know finn and noah personally and theyre friends with them and have seen them interact. or like theyre an out couple like natalia and charlie. they usually respond to anons who call them out on it with something like “i dont ship foah, i just observe their interactions and anyone can see that they are crushing on each other”. that bothers me so much. like observe what the 5 minute press interviews?? you dont fucking know them. save your analyses for things that have been intentionally written and mapped out for FICTIONAL media, not two kid actors just being themselves. and then they’ll try to call the anons homophobic by being like “whys it such a big deal for noah to have a little crush on him??”, still fully talking as if its public knowledge and we’re the bad guy like oh my god how are you not understanding the issue here.

ive also noticed that they ignore anybody who tells them that finn has a gf. they just wont answer the anon (i know bc i have sent one) or ignore any replies about it. they live in this weird bubble where they choose to believe these real people are dating. and like ok i cant stop you from thinking theyd be cute together, theres nothing wrong with that, what makes it problematic is trying to read into their interactions and expressions and publicly suspect their relationship and sexualities on the internet. and again, they always try to be like “theres no harm in it im not directly @ ing finn or noah” but this is the internet. anybody can screenshot anything and put it anywhere. there is always a chance that either of them could see their posts and it could be so bad if they did. i dont think theyve ever once considered what it could be like to be finn or noah and see this.

like yes, there is a chance they’d just laugh about how ridiculous it is and move on but what if one of them actually was questioning their sexuality and then they saw some random person on the internet reading into it like this??? that would be so fucking hard. jack came out as bi after people were shipping him and finn so much. i cant imagine how anxiety provoking it would be to see what people were saying about him and finn while being in the closet. it gives ME anxiety on their behalf!! i hope so bad theyre blissfully unaware of this.

one anon told them that theyre using foah as a coping mechanism after byler didnt work out how they wanted in s4 and theyre so right. before vol 2 came out i saw maybe two posts from them in the byler tag about it that kinda weirded me out but after volume two they just turned into a foah blog instead of byler. they literally had byler in their url before and then they changed it to foah for fucks sake. and they still have the nerve to claim they dont ship them and what theyre doing is completely fine and just “observation”.

also i was looking at their blog once and they mentioned that they were 31 years old…. look it is not weird to ship byler at any age. i have personally as a 22 year old been told that its weird for me to ship byler and analyze these fictional characters and i completely disagree with that. theres nothing weird about shipping characters at any age even if the characters are kids (as long as youre not nasty about it) but real people??? god i would have been SO relieved if this person was like 15. i would not have gone as hard on them as i am right now if they were a kid because i would assume they would grow and eventually realize that its weird and invasive. i mean i remember reading stupid fanfics about youtubers when i was 14 but i grew and matured and realized how insane that is and no longer had any interest in reading into real peoples love lives. but i cannot excuse any adult shipping them like this.

god this ended up being so long i just had a lot to say. moral of the story: if actors have great chemistry on screen together it just means theyre good at their job, it doesnt mean theyre dating or crushing on each other in real life.

[wifegideonnav]

well i… finished act 5 act 2. gonna have to rewatch cascade a bunch of times and probably read the act summary on the wiki but i have officially reached the end of the act

still enjoying it a lot but it’s getting harder and harder to read. summing up a rant i gave my friend, i’m not super in love with the sense of predestined futility - or more accurately, i don’t feel that the narrative has properly addressed that yet and justified why i should be reading about these characters who were like 100x doomed from the start.

there are so many characters and so much happening that nothing is lingered upon, which is nice pacing-wise but not so nice emotional-impact-wise. i also think the “everybody dies a bajillion times and it’s fine until all of a sudden it’s not” thing works against it in a sense, especially when the narrative doesn’t stop to mourn anyone who’s actually dead, bc by the time you realize hey wait maybe like. vriska or dad or feferi/nepeta/equius etc are dead for real it’s been like 200+ pages and you’re like well ok. what do i do here exactly.

and i know that that’s an intentional choice hussie made for how he wanted to craft his narrative - im wishing for things that he deliberately chose not to give. im not trying to say that these choices are flaws in his writing, just that as an audience member i tend to prefer the tlt method of dealing with death, where one main character dies and then the entire next book is about another ripping herself apart because of it.

im not giving up by any means, or even saying that this is what’s dominating my reading experience. like i said im still enjoying myself and appreciate most of the creative decisions that hussie is making. it can just feel very draining i suppose, watching these characters i’ve come to care about - almost all of whom are literal children - fighting so hard so futilely, and so far, imo the narrative hasn’t paid that off. however, with that out of the way, here are (some of, bc this shit was long as hell) my thoughts on the act, more or less in order:

i have literally no interest in johnkat. probably partially bc my friend is so into davekat that ive been conditioned to just wait for that to happen but also bc they have no chemistry. sorry to any johnkat shippers out there but idc it’s boring

i have slightly more but still negligible interest in john/vriska. probably bc i… don’t really care about john. sorry to any john stans out there but idc he’s boring

karkat and terezi sharing a keyboard to argue my beloved

rose my beloved. but also. sweetie :/

vriska my beloved. but also. SWEETIE :/

kanaya my beloved. you’re doing great no notes

oh yeah dave and terezi manipulated the stock market. still don’t 100% understand that but whatever good for them

yeah ok the dream bubbles. christ. like ok i GET it but they’re still annoying

i love jade’s dynamic with karkat she really goes from “teehee im just a silly little girl haha” to “im going to eviscerate this motherfucker”

bec prototyping himself was genuinely such a good reveal

is it just me or is john's power like. way lamer than the other kids' lmao. like it's still cool, def better than nothing, but come on

not too much to say abt the exiles but i love them

also with all the fucking timeline bullshit that's going on i literally can't wait to reach the end and reread with the uhsc mod that lets you follow a specific person's timeline. i canNOT keep track of what's happening when for who

it is literally so funny that vriska has been the cause of jade's narcolepsy this entire time. like wow girl you really took the opportunity to be a massive dick to her huh

LET'S BE SANTA

frogs. ok sure. why not.

fuck doc scratch all my homies hate doc scratch. i will say though. he is a fantastic character.

holy shit eridan and gamzee snapping and killing like everyone. that was buckwild what the fuck. not gonna lie idc that equius is dead, and nepeta, feferi, and tavros were never my faves. but got damn it sucks that they're dead. (ostensibly. still not one thousand percent convinced)

sad karkat :(

murderous kanaya :D

WV "DRIVING" AHHHH

oh god the ancestors. sorry but i simply do not care about that shit. like i know that they're actually relevant but. :/

also i don't like the trope of chains of events being echoed across generations. like damn get your own plot. also it ties into that determinism and futility that i'm grappling with

i will say though. mindfang mentally thanking redglare for taking her arm because then her battle against his honorable tyranny because it made it "a fair fight"? hot. i'm brave enough to say it.

aradia is cool as fuck. i wish we got more of her/her personality

aradia's ancestor is also cool as fuck. sucks that literally nothing she did to resist her fate worked or mattered

the scratch stuff is genuinely interesting narratively/in terms of a plot device. again it still sucks that the beta kids aren't actually going to get to win the game themselves. like i assume they'll be talking to/guiding the alpha kids but like. god it's so unfairrr i bet there'll be angst about this

rose going grimdark is so fun. also LMAO john trying to chat with her in that flash game portion

TEREZI god i love her. sucks that she killed vriska tho bc i love her and also i ship them. oh well murder is not necessarily a roadblock to them getting together. troll romance sure is weird. i have hope in my heart.

vriska isn't dead forever bc no she isnt <3

the betty crocker shit. is funny. and also stupid as hell.

SAD KARKAT :((

ok i guess the stuff about karkat's ancestor and the history of the troll race is kinda interesting. whatever.

everyone's in love/hate with gamzee all of a sudden?? literally why. troll romance sure is FUCKING confusing

that was a pretty anticlimactic climax to the gamzee situation, gotta say

cascade was confusing as fuck i don't have thoughts on it yet

so yeah that's it! if you're still reading, why? let me know what your thoughts on act 5 act 2 were when you read it, or your thoughts on my thoughts lol. just pls no spoilers for anything past cascade!!

[greaseonmymouth]

katrinilves Dec 5, 2017 CMore wants me to watch A Prince for Christmas and Netflix wants me to watch A Christmas Prince. I’m sensing a pattern here...🤔

katrinilves Dec 5, 2017 they both look equally cheesy and potentially really terrible. which one do I watch first??

katrinilves Dec 5, 2017 A Prince for Christmas was earnestly wholesome and very cute. Absolutely cheesy, but cute. Viva Bianca is unbelievably pretty and the Prince, bland though he was, was appropriately doe-eyed and English. 8/10

katrinilves Dec 5, 2017 A Christmas Prince was...godawful. Contrived, has not a single original thought (Aldovia, really? And Ming vases? Come the fuck on) and bland. 1/10 cannot in good conscience recommend

katrinilves Dec 8, 2017 Once Upon a Holiday: in this one a Princess meets a cute commoner. Cute, cheesy, not terrible, but had some weird plot holes and an asshole background character that did nothing for the movie. Suspension of disbelief not good. Great ending. 6/10

katrinilves Dec 8, 2017 The Spirit of Christmas: a cold hearted lawyer lady falls in love with a cursed Christmas ghost. Actually funny and sweet, but the cowards making this movie chickened out of ghost dicking. Disappointing. Ending is??? But ok. 7/10 I guess. Would be 10/10 if ghost dick, but alas.

katrinilves Dec 8, 2017 Christmas Land: 2/10 for Christmas spirit and 7/10 for the romance. Few things are as disappointing as a capitalism vs Christmas story in which the capitalism wins. The chemistry between the leads was good - all I wanted was more kissing tbh. In conclusion: 5/10

katrinilves Dec 8, 2017 All these Christmas romances are Wild. In that all the ones I’ve seen so far are American, and terrifyingly dystopian in the American sense - giving employees the week between Christmas and New Year’s is apparently “outside the box” and revolutionary and not, like...a given????

katrinilves Dec 8, 2017 So far they are also Overwhelmingly White and Straight. Twitter, if you have recs for Christmas romance movies with queer and/or poc leads, please hit me up.

(reader: nobody did)

katrinilves Dec 8, 2017 12 Gifts of Christmas: perfectly cheesy, adorable and chock full of beautiful smiles from both (gorgeous) leads (Katrina Law! ❤️). The romance was near perfect. 9/10

katrinilves Dec 11, 2017 Angel of Christmas: cheese with cheese on top, but cute and charming. The lead’s career traction and work life was completely unrealistic and tbh off-putting. All in all: 7/10

katrinilves Dec 11, 2017 How Sarah got her Wings: surprise twist, funny, definitely cheesy, a bit strange, and actually really sweet. 9/10

katrinilves Dec 15, 2017 A Princess for Christmas: sweet, lovely, and cheesy but also adorable and heartwarming and had a great supporting cast. Katie McGrath is perfect and I want to marry her. 10/10

katrinilves Dec 16, 2017 Christmas Inheritance: better than I expected, but it was disappointing in many ways. A reluctant 4/10

katrinilves Dec 20, 2017 Broadcasting Christmas: picked it because I wanted to see how superman and Sabrina the teenage witch fall in love. It was cuter than expected! Both are competent at their jobs, smart grown ups and respect each other. The kiss scene was hella cringy and awkward, but ok. 9/10

katrinilves Dec 21, 2017 A Royal Christmas Ball: truly godawful with terrible writing and acting all over. I’m giving it 1/10 only bc the 5 minutes of Sam/Ava sideplot was adorable—they had real chemistry, the actors were great and I just love them. The rest...honestly save yourself and don’t watch this.

katrinilves Dec 22, 2017 You Can’t Fight Christmas: the leads had the BEST chemistry I’ve seen so far in these Christmas movies. Also: both were gorgeous and I esp loved that the female lead was fat w/zero fat shaming going on. Cheesy but fun w/great supporting cast. 10/10

katrinilves Dec 23, 2017 A Dogwalker’s Christmas Tale: I started out hating it (bc uh rich white people are tiresome) but it turned out much cuter and better than I expected. Capitalism vs Dogs! THE DOGGOS WON as is proper. The leads had good chemistry, the dogs were perfect, some cheese & cringe. 8/10

and that's a wrap for 2017!

a Christmas romance movie has appeared on Netflix and OF COURSE I will watch it, but first:

once upon a time I used to make threads of Christmas romance movies on twitter with short summaries and ratings. I kept it up for 3? 4? years in a row until...well, looking at my cursed twitter account, until the pandemic hit. I didn't realise it'd been that long. SO! first course of action is to repost these old tweets here, for posterity, and then. I will add on. because I plan to watch at LEAST five silly Christmas romance movies this season. I am badly in need of silly content

[diaphragmjellyfish]

Robby NSFW Alphabet

not my gif

A: Aftercare

Robby’s aftercare is ON POINT. He’s a huge cuddler and loves to have the chance to take care of someone who really appreciates it and takes care of him in return. He will get a soft, damp cloth and clean you off before pulling you onto his chest and wrapping you both up in tons of blankets. He likes to pet your hair while you fall asleep, and hold you so that no one can hurt you while you’re in such a vulnerable state. He knows, realistically, that no one is gonna jump out of the closet and attack you, but it makes him feel needed. 

B: Body Part

His favorite body part of yours is your hands. He loves holding them up next to his and comparing, he loves holding your hand, and he loves when your hand is wrapped around his cock while y’all are in private. He can’t help but look at your left hand and picture a pretty ring on that finger, imagining the beautiful future he wants to have with you. His favorite body part of his is his butt. The boy works out, and he knows how much you like it. He honestly never noticed his butt before, whether it was nice or not, until you started pointing it out, and now he walks around in leggings just to get your attention!

C: Cum

He likes to cum in your mouth. Blowjobs make him feel like he’s in heaven, and when you swallow, it makes Robby feel like you’re accepting him and worshipping him like no one ever has before. He also likes to finish inside you (wrap it up) because of how intimate it is. Not part of the prompt, but he loves to make you sit on his face and cum all over his mouth, dirty boy. 

D: Dirty Secret

Robby has always wanted to try more public sex. The thought of getting caught riles him to no end, and he gets so turned on by the idea of holding his hand over your mouth in a janitor’s closet so people walking past don’t hear your moans. If you wanted to try it, y’all would start small, like your backyard, and work your way up, but if you weren;t into it, that’s fine with him too. 

E: Experience

He’s decently experienced. Robby had a one night stand or two before he met Mr. Larusso, when he hung out with those hooligans, but it never meant anything. With you, it’s his first time doing it with feelings involved, and he was blown away by how much better it was that way. He was experienced enough to not bust in T-2 minutes, but he still had a lot to learn about taking his time and making sure you both enjoyed it. With the other girls, it was always about doing it to impress his friends so he never thought much about how it felt, for him or her. You have to teach him that porn isn’t realistic, and that it takes time to feel good. He’s a fast learner though. 

F: Favorite Position

He loves a good 69, lying down or standing ;) bc he’s strong like that. He also likes taking you from behind while he holds you up against him by your neck, and his other hand playing with your nipples or clit. Add a mirror, and you have the hottest sex either of you had ever had. 

G: Goofy

He can be goofy during foreplay or aftercare, but Robby likes to keep it more intimate and serious during actual sex. He wants you to know that he takes you seriously, and thinks that you guys are goofy all the time, so he wants sex to be loving and heartfelt. Drunk sex can be goofy, but most of the time, he keeps it mature. 

H: Hair

He will shave it off every once in a while and let it get stubbly for a couple weeks, then shave again. Robby HATES ingrown hairs, so he doesn’t like to shave every day, but he thinks just trimming makes it look sloppy. He settles for shaving every couple weeks. He literally doesn’t even notice when you don’t shave, so obviously he doesn’t care about that. Like he’s so caught up in the moment that you could put a little blue wig down there and he wouldn’t notice. 

I: Intimacy

So growing up, Robby never really had people that cared a lot about him. Because of this, he lives for intimate moments. Just you guys lying on his bed playing with each other’s hair makes him swoon. He’s a romantic guy, and would definitely go all out with flower petals, candles, champagne, and bubble baths if it were a special occasion. He wants you to know that he loves you, and wants to make sure you know how much he loves you. 10/10 romance. 

J: Jack off 

He did it a lot before he met you, but now he prefers you. He really doesn’t feel the need to jack off because you guys are together so often. If he starts thinking about you in the shower or something, maybe he would, but he’d rather just text you to come over. 

K: Kink

So Robby is a switch. When he’s feeling more dominant, he loves to spank you with his hands, a paddle, or his karate belt. He gets off on the fact that you trust him so much to hold your pleasure and pain in his hands. He would never go too far, but he loves how wet you get after a light spanking. When Robby is more sub, he likes when you boss him around. Telling him how exactly to pleasure you, pulling his face further into your core. Making him get on his knees and watch as you pleasured yourself. He worships you. 

L: Location

At first, a bed. But after you guys have sex on a beach at night one time, he realizes that he wants to try tons of different locations. Just the possibilities of how he can position you, someone catching you, or someone hearing how good he makes you feel, really gets him going. His favorite so far was in an empty stairwell at a fancy resort that Sam invited you both to. 

M: Motivation

So like Hawk and Miguel, Robby is a teenage boy! He’s horny all day, every day. He loves seeing you in workout clothes, seeing other guys hit on you and then shrink away when they realize you’re his, teaching you karate, and watching you put your hair up. It reminds him of… certain things. 

N: No

He would never ever let someone else join you guys. Male, female, or other, he hates the idea of someone putting their hands on you in that way, and knows you would feel the same about him. Robby thinks you guys have such a perfect chemistry going, so why would you want to ruin that with another person? It would just be awkward and clumsy, and Robby does NOT like to share. 

O: Oral

So like I said earlier, he thinks porn is accurate when y’all first start having sex. He would go down on you for like 30 seconds, barely using any pressure or suction, and would then be confused as to why you weren’t finishing. He sat you down one day and talked to you about it, because he was scared you just weren’t attracted to him or something. When you told him that you needed more than what he was doing, he made you teach him right then and there. He spent a good hour and a half going down on you, making you tell him what was good and what wasn’t, learning how to actually give GOOD head, and now he’s pretty much an expert. He takes his time and takes cues from you. You were amazing at head right off the bat, and he’s such a simp for you when you’re between his legs. 

P: Pace

It honestly varies depending on the day and what mood you guys are in. He’s a switch in all respects, so he can be slow and loving, or fast and rough, or a mix of the two. He also loves when you start on top and set the pace, and then he will flip you guys over when you get tired and finish you both off. 

Q: Quickie

He likes a good quickie in those moments when you guys are out and get turned on all of a sudden. Robby likes to take you somewhere a little more private and get you both off, before resuming what you guys were doing and acting like nothing happened. You’ve seen him shake the hand of someone with the same hand that was buried in you 3 minutes before, acting like nothing was out of sorts at all. 

R: Risk

He will try new things if you want to, but is honestly pretty content with how you guys fuck right now. His philosophy is “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” But he’s more than willing to try whatever you want to try. Robby can’t say no to his girl. Sometimes, you guys just sit there and watch porn together, and will see something that looks like fun, so you decide to try it. 

S: Stamina

So I feel redundant for saying this on Miguel and Hawk’s too, but he’s a teenage boy! He can’t go for more than 12 minutes at first. He could go like 5 times in a row, but didn’t last very long. Now, he’s way better. He can last for a solid 30 to 40 minutes if he really wants to, but normally you’re satisfied before that and he can let himself finish. 

T: Toy

Robby loves to try toys on you. When you first told him that you had a vibrator, he immediately asked if he could use it on you. He’s fascinated with how different toys do different things, and he loves studying the difference in your reactions depending on what he’s using. He doesn’t really like toys being used on him though. He thinks it feels weird and he'd rather have your mouth or hand. 

U: Unfair

Robby can be a really bad tease if he’s in the right mood. He would hover his mouth over your pussy, letting you shake and cry before he touches you. He would finger you and bring you right up to the edge, before pulling his hand away and laughing as you almost sob. He likes knowing he has the power to make you writhe like that. 

V: Volume

He’s pretty quiet, to be honest. You had to tell him specifically that you wanted him to be louder in the bedroom. Once you did that, he started to let loose a little bit more, but still isn’t super loud. He would rather listen to you scream his name ;) 

W: Wild Card

He loves shower sex. Too many times have you guys both cum, only for him to carry you into the shower to clean off and eventually start round 2. The water, the soap, the nakedness, he’s a sucker for it. There’s no clean up involved, and he even gets a bathtub mat so you guys don’t slip and hurt yourselves. 

X: X-Ray

I said it before and I’ll say it again! Size! Does! Not! Matter! The g-spot is 3 INCHES IN so if he’s hitting it right it’s fine!!! But Robby is probably a solid 6 inches. 

Y: Yearning

Teenage boy! He could go at the drop of a hat. Robby wants you all the time, he just holds back until you want to as well. Which is also often, I mean look at him!

Z: Zzz

He doesn’t really like to fall asleep right after in case you need something. He makes sure he’s available to get you whatever you need: a snack, water, another blanket, a kiss. Robby also likes to hold you while you sleep, because it makes him feel like he’s doing his duty as your boyfriend and protecting you.