#I don’t think all of these critiques land but taking the risk to even talk about some of them gets kudos from me

[maplesyrupbloodfeud]

The ending of You made me feel better about myself but absolutely want to vomit about the state of the world. Good job for the horror genre? I guess?

[irisbleufic]

I hate this new trend now a days for teens to make fun old books or classics like Shakespeare, Gatsby or Anne Frank(them forgetting she was real). Calling characters stupid or how they would do things differently in their place. When they have no idea. None zero. I seriously doubt they would. I hate when they say people who like these books are anti feminist or some other bullshit. Do they not realize what these books were to the people at the time of them?

This is a tricky and frustrating question. As someone who’s been teaching English literature and writing for approaching 17 years (and studying these disciplines for even longer), I’ve seen trends in attitudes toward the classics come and go. There’s not always a logical explanation for those trends from cohort to cohort of students, either.

Let’s take Shakespeare and Fitzgerald as examples, since those are two that you name in your ask. When I was in junior high and high school during the 1990s, it was trendy to love Shakespeare’s plays—but deeply uncool to love The Great Gatsby, for some reason. I remember being teased by classmates for liking the latter, because wasn’t it just so boring? My classmates seemed to feel like Shakespeare’s works at least had a lot of stuff happening in them. I don’t know about my classmates, but my attitude toward these authors’ works hasn’t changed over time. I still enjoy both.

When I was an undergrad from 2000-2005, I feel like Shakespeare was still cool (especially Hamlet). I can’t remember any of my undergrad classmates talking about Gatsby at all during my time as a music major who switched to an English major, all the while taking classes in both disciplines, only in different proportions. The only mention I heard of Gatsby during college was that there had been an operatic adaptation. I didn’t get to see it, and I kind of regret that.

While I was in grad school and first starting to teach from about 2007-2014, Gatsby landed on my radar again because it was back in fashion with high school and college students. I heard about more Gatsby-themed school dances and parties than I can count. I’m sure Baz Luhrmann’s film during that window of time helped. I don’t think I saw my students as enthusiastic about Shakespeare unless it was a creepy or violent one like Macbeth. There seemed to be a love of extremes in what they were reading, especially when it came to classics.

At this point in time, you’re right about Gatsby in particular falling out of fashion again with younger readers. It represents a level of risk and excess that, quite frankly, I can’t entirely blame them for disliking given how the majority of their teenage and young adult years are going. Just look at what’s happening in the world. I don’t think most of them find characters in those circumstances relatable.

There are exceptions to every rule, but social trends are reflected in what people read and how they critique it. Don’t forget that we’re also seeing social conservatism swing back with a vengeance, and not just in the US. From Christian fundamentalism in politics to secular purity culture (which is more or less the same thing with God’s name filed off) in fandom, I can think of any number of reasons why a book like Gatsby would be snubbed. Shakespeare seems to be faring better with my students at the moment, as the plays run such a wide gamut of events and issues.

As for making fun of Anne Frank and not believing she’s real, well…it’s hella antisemitic out there right now. That’s a whole other post that this Jew is way too tired to make.

[sketching-shark]

LMK fandom: Oh, what do we do about this guy who has nothing but hurt Xiaotian, tried to replace Sun Wukong and his crew, hurt Tripitaka and ordered servants to cannibalize a monkey? Oh I know! We’ll turn him into our little meow meow~ he’s so innocent and Sun Wukong is obviously the villain!

What doesn’t help is this idea is perpetuated by multiple fan fic writers and artists for some reason. Especially some aus they make that turn SWK into a bastard for the sake of the story rather than considering cultural context and thinking they should be respectful.

And almost everyone lets them get away with it just because the art or fanfic is good and they get so popular that no one can point what is actually wrong without feeling like they’re going to get attacked.

I'm starting to feel like my blog is the one anons go to specifically to vent their frustrations about the Six Eared Macaque in his lego monkey show form & the associated fandom lmao. But I guess this makes sense, as I’ve had fun quasi-dragging him before & will in fact use this anon submission as an opportunity to have my own, to put it academically, bitch fest about not just this fandom's favorite protagonist-traumatizing meow meow, but about the way villains are often treated in not just fanon, but increasingly in canon works as well. But same policy as with the last anon; I'll post my opinions below the cut, and as fandoms love to say, don’t like don't read if you don't want to see me dunking on the six eared simian & common fandom tendencies towards villains.

Oh man I would say where would you even begin with this but anon you’ve pretty much started yourself with my main gripe with a lot of ways that the Six-Eared Macaque is portrayed in fandom; there seems to be this unspoken agreement that his acts of violence towards Sun Wukong, Qi Xioatian, and Qi Xioatian’s loved ones are either to be framed as somewhat or totally justified, to be immediately forgiven/excused, or to simply & completely be ignored. Like friends maybe this is just me not seeing the proper posts but while the fandom is inundated with art and fanfics of Macaque as a generally decent individual & a true member of team good guy, I have yet to see one person address the fact that this monkey literally kidnapped & mind-controlled Xiaotian’s best friend and father figures & forced them to brutalize Xiaotian while ol’ Six Ear looked on and laughed (X_X). Like this kind of fandom villain treatment is definitely not something that’s solely at work for Monkie Kid, but it is kind of nutty how fandoms will swing between yelling that people should be allowed to like villains without even mild critique, and then will just flat-out not address the villainous behavior, and will even bend over backwards to frame even characters who committed genocide as just poor innocent widdle victims who need a hug. At its worst, I’ve even seen tons of people in a fandom get really angry at other people who don’t like a villain, and will even start accusing those people of hating real-life mentally disabled or abused individuals all because they don’t like the fandom’s favorite literal war criminal. The Monkie Kid fandom is FAR more chill & better than a lot of other fandoms I’ve come across in that regard, but that is an exceedingly low bar, & the tendency to woobify certain kinds of villains-- as with Macaque and the extreme emphasis on his bad boy/sad boy thing--is very much at work.  

 I’ve also talked before about a kind of monoculturalization of certain character interpretations and story beats in fandoms, and one of the more popular ones that seems to be applied to Macaque a lot is the “hero actually bad, villain actually good” cliche, as observable from the general fandom assumption that Mr. Six-Ears he wasn’t even slightly lying or remembering things through a rose-tinted or skewed lens when he gave his version of his and Sun Wukong’s past. Like at this point it seems the possibility that people WILL NOT even consider is that Sun Wukong never did & still doesn't care that much about the Six Eared Macaque (in JTTW they weren’t sworn brothers & in Monkie Kid the only thing the monkey king really said to Macaque before attacking him was a pretty contemptuous "Aren't you ever going to get sick of living under my shadow?," & responds to his "beloved friend" getting blown up with "You did good, bud" to Qi Xiaotian, who did the exploding), or that their original fight may in fact have mostly been instigated by Macaque. After all, to repeat what this anon summarized & what I've said before about their original JTTW context (& in an example of the things that do feel like it's often lost in translation) is that the Six Ear Macaque was a villain not just because he beat up the Tang Monk, but because he wanted to take over Sun Wukong's entire life and identity so he could have all that glory, prestige, and power for himself. To quote the macaque himself from the Anthony C. Yu translation, "I struck the T'ang monk and I took the luggage...precisely because I want to go to the West all by myself to ask Buddha for the scriptures. When I deliver them to the Land of the East, it will be my success and no one else's. Those people of the South Jambudvipa Continent will honor me then as their patriarch and my fame will last for all posterity." And in order to do this, the Six Eared Macaque had apparently made Sun Wukong's "little ones," his monkey family, his captives through either trickery or force, and gotten a number of them to take on the appearance of Tang Sanzang and the other pilgrims. It's also made clear that in very direct contrast to Sun Wukong, he doesn't care about these monkeys beyond how they might serve him. In fact, after Sha Wujing kills the monkey posing as him the Six Eared Macaque not only all but immediately replaces him with another, but also "told his little ones to have the dead monkey skinned. Then his meat was taken to be fried and served as food along with coconut and grape wines." So this monkey is not only willing to risk the lives of a lot of other monkeys for his own personal benefit, but is also a literal cannibal. And yes yes, I know a lot of people have argued that Monkie Kid shouldn't be considered a direct sequel to JTTW & that's fair enough (for example, Sun Wukong probably shouldn't be smashing anyone into a meat patty in a children's cartoon lol). And of course, it needs to be noted that there are a buttload of really out there & really cursed pieces of media based on JTTW & that were created in China. Yet the above description is the oft-ignored in the west original facet of the Six Eared Macaque's character. And it is this selfishness, entitlement, and treatment of other individuals as tools for his own self-serving ends  that is, from where I’m standing, still very much present in Monkie Kid. Like besides repeatedly going out of his way to physically and psychologically traumatize Xioatian, with the last episode Macaque seemed to be going right back to his manipulative ways. I’ve seen people frame their last conversation as Macaque softening to Xioatian a little bit, but personally that read a lot more like that common tactic among abusers where even after they’ve hurt you they’ll dangle something you want or need over your head (in Macaque’s case, the promise of desperately needed training and information about a serious looming threat), with the implication that you’ll only get it if you do what they want you to, such as, in this case, Xioatian going back to Macaque as his student even after having been so terribly hurt by this monkey, which would give Macaque power over Xiaotian and probably Sun Wukong as a result. And it is this violence and manipulation that it seems the fandom at large has tacitly decided shouldn’t even be addressed, instead leaning more towards a (and this is an exaggeration) “Six-Eared Macaque my poor meow meow Sun Wukong has always been bad & has always been wrong about literally everything” reading. 

And while it is the case that I am not Chinese and feel that as such it would be best left to someone who actually comes from that background to provide more context into how common interpretations of the Six Eared Macaque from China may clash really badly with the stuff the western fandom creates, it also must be noted that, as much as we all want to have fun in fandom & in spite of all the out-there versions of JTTW from China, we westerners should recognize that there is a very long and very ugly history of western countries stripping other cultures’ important religious and literary works for parts & mashing them into their own thing while implying or even insisting that what they present provides a true understanding of the original piece. And while I trust most individuals in regards to Monkie Kid are able to step back and think “this is a lego cartoon and not a set guide for how I should understand JTTW” (especially given the insistence that JTTW and Monkie Kid should be considered there own separate works) there does nevertheless seem to be something of a tendency to take the conclusions people come to, for example, about Sun Wukong’s characteristic in his lego form & then assume that’s just reflective to Sun Wukong as a totality. I imagine a good portion of this is due to people not reading JTTW & especially to not having easy access to solid information or answers about JTTW’s many different facets (like geez awhile ago I was trying to get a clear answer on what is considered the most accurate translation of the names of Sun Wukong’s six sworn brothers & got like 5 different responses lmao), but that tendency to take a western fandom interpretation & run with it instead of doing any background research or questioning said interpretation is still very much at play. As such, & as made prominent in the way people have been interpreting the dynamic between Sun Wukong and the Six Eared Macaque in the lego monkey show, tbh it does seem kind of shitty for western creators & audience to sometimes go really out of their way to ignore all of this original cultural & narrative context for the sake of Angst (TM) in Macaque's favor, demonizing Sun Wukong, and shipping the monkey king with his evil twin (X_X).

And speaking of which, even beyond the potential inherent creepiness & revulsion that can be inspired by this specific ship given common interpretations of the og classic's original meaning (again, it's my understanding, given both summaries of translated Chinese academic texts I've been kindly provided with, my own reading of the Anthony C. Yu translation of JTTW, & vents from a number of Chinese people I've seen on this site, that the Six-Eared Macaque is commonly interpreted in China as having originated from Sun Wukong himself as a living embodiment of his worst traits, hence why only Buddha can tell the difference between them & why the monkey king is much more slow to violence after he kills the macaque), I'd argue that in the face of all the uwu poor widdle meow meow portrayals lego show Macaque is, especially if you include JTTW's events, still in the role of “Sun Wukong but worse” as he is very much a violent & selfish creep. Like he was basically running around in JTTW wearing a Sun Wukong fursuit, but there he had the sole reason of wanting to replace Sun Wukong wholesale so he could have all the good things in the monkey king's life without actually having to work as hard for them. But if you combine that with Macaque now claiming that he used to be best friend with Sun Wukong in his pre-journey days (something that's made funny from a JTTW context given that that status actually belongs to the Demon Bull King lol), his original violence has now blown into this centuries long and really unhealthy obsession with the monkey king. Like he's apparently gone from wanting to literally be Sun Wukong to being so obsessed with getting revenge on Sun Wukong that he's got basically nothing else going on in his life. Like he's only appeared in two episodes but...does he have any friends? Any family? A career or even a hobby that DOESN'T center the monkey king? Anything at all outside of his "get revenge on and/or kill Sun Wukong/use his successor as my personal punching bag” thing? Like dude! That is extremely creepy and extremely bad for everyone all around! As I’ve said before, this seeming refusal to see beyond the past or to do something that doesn’t involve Sun Wukong in some capacity is a trait that makes Macaque an interesting and somewhat tragic villain--he even seems to be working as Sun Wukong’s reflection in a mirror darkly, with lego show Sun Wukong pretty clearly not being able to heal from his own past which is hinted to be defined by one loss after another, and with Monkie Kid even kind of having these two characters somewhat follow their JTTW characterizations in that in the latter half of the journey Sun Wukong often gets sad & starts crying in the face of what seems insurmountable odds (& Monkie Kid Sun Wukong does seem to be hiding some serious depression behind a cheerful facade), whereas the Six-Eared Macaque retains a worse version of Sun Wukong’s pre-journey characteristic of getting pissed and lashing out if things don’t go his way--but it’s also what would make any current friendship or romantic relationship between these monkeys horrific. Although to be fair even the fandom seems to recognize this in an unconscious way, in that a lot of the art & fanfic seems to swing erratically between them kissing & screaming at each other in yet another example of bog-standard fandom adulation of romanticized toxic relationships lol.  

At the end of the day, of course, this is nothing new. You'll find versions of this dynamic across a ton of fandoms and now even canonical work. And as such, I can only look at this kind of popularized relationship dynamic with a kind of resigned weariness whenever it pops up, & my frustrated question with the popularity of this kind of pairing is the exact same one that I have for a multitude of blatantly toxic villain/hero ships, given common fandom discourse & the tendency to either ignore or justify the villain's actions & demonize the hero: if you're THAT convinced that everything is the hero's fault, if you believe THAT much that the hero is the one in the wrong for the villain's pain and their subsequent actions, then why are you so set on them not only becoming a romantic pair, but framing this get-together as a good thing? Like I know we contain multitudes but that's waaay too many contradictions for me to wrap my head around. And it definitely doesn’t help that one branch of underlying reasoning behind this kind of pairing seems to be the ever-present “you break it, you fix it” mentality, where the assumption is that if you’re in a failing, abusive, and/or generally toxic relationship (platonically or romantically), if you put in enough time and effort & attempts to compromise, you’ll be able to restore/have the relationship you dreamed of, even with someone who hurt you really badly. And this assumption isn’t limited to fandom: I’d even argue that it’s everywhere in the culture, hence why a lot of people feel like they “failed” if they have to get a divorce or make the choice to leave an unhealthy friendship. Personally, I feel like people could really benefit from more stories about how it is not only the case that the people you hurt don’t owe you their forgiveness & you can still become a better and happier person without the one you hurt in your life, & that while it can be really hard it can also be a good thing to leave a relationship, even if it’s one that once meant a lot to you. 

  But in all honestly, from my own perspective this kind of pairing is starting to read far less like enemies to lovers and far more like a horrible fantasy where you can pull whatever shit you want, even on the people you "love," & never be held accountable for your terrible behavior or even have to consider that maybe you were in the wrong. It's another facet that makes me larf every time I see people insist that fandom is an inherently "transformative" or "progressive" form of storytelling like friends you are literally just taking status quo toxic monogamy & rebranding it as somehow beneficial & romantic (X_X).

But as to anon’s last frustration, it is hard to know what is the appropriate response with this kind of thing...like for my own part I’m keeping my frustrations to my blog & now increasingly to posts that you would have to click on the “read more” button to see what I have to say, but I totally get the hesitation to give even a mild critique to big names in a fandom. Like I've now seen it happen repeatedly where someone who has a big name in a fandom will make something that's kind of shitty for one reason or another, someone will message them with some version of "hey, that's kind of shitty, you shouldn't do that," and the typical response is either to blatantly ignore the issue completely, or more popularly to make a giant crying circus that seems deliberately geared towards stoking emotions on both sides of the, for example, fiction does/doesn't affect reality issue so that something that didn't even have to be that big a deal gets blown out of all proportion, with the big name often framing what often started out as a very mild critique into a long crying jag about how the initial response to their kind of shitty thing was so mean/cruel and they're just a poor innocent & that YOU'RE the true racist/sexist/bigot etc. if you don't agree with their opinion. It must of course be noted that there have also been numerous instances of people taking it too far the other way & sending not just big names but smaller creators literal deaths threats over stuff like innocuous ships which like holy hell bells people that’s a horrible thing to do. But for the big names at least, the end result of all this fighting is usually that once the dust has settled they have more attention/fame/money/power in the fandom than before, and with anyone who might have a problem with their stuff feeling afraid to voice their opinion lest they be swarmed by that person's fans. In that way fandom does often seem to increasingly be geared towards presenting an “official” fandom perspective about various facets of a piece of media instead of allowing for a multitude of interpretations, and with criticism, no matter its shape or form or how genuinely warranted it may be, being hounded out of existence. I feel like a lot of this could be made less bad if there wasn’t this constant assumption & even drive to think that a different interpretation of or criticism of your favorite work of fiction or your fanwork isn’t a direct claim that you are a thoroughly loathsome individual (& maybe also if people cultivated an enjoyment of learning things about important works from a culture outside their own, even if what you learn clashes with your own initial understandings), but I guess we’ll see if that ever happens. 

So these are my general thinks about the Six Eared Macaque’s current fandom meow meow status & some of my bigger gripes with fandom tendencies as a whole. I stand by my idea that the most interesting & beneficial route for Macaque moving forward would be a kind of “redemption without forgiveness from the ones you hurt” arc--as I think was done pretty excellently with the character Grace in Infinity Train--and if for no other reason than gosh dern this monkey really needs to cultivate some sort of identity beyond his “Sun Wukong but worse” persona. 

[bookofmirth]

This kind of discussion that the other side of the fandom has about Lucien they also have about Azriel?

Because the arguments they use and talk about what Lucien is doing, Azriel spent 500 years doing with Mor and it was even Azriel who objectified Elain, even Rhys lost the color of his face when he heard his thoughts, but they see it as love.

Hypocrites.

So honestly, I think the thing that is the most telling in this whole entire discussion, is the failure to see that Azriel is being painted in the exact same (problematic) light as Lucien is. By sjm.

I'm going to go into a deep dive on this okay, because I've frankly been surprised that no one has (to me, at least) brought up the idea of Azriel's portrayal in the book being way worse than Lucien's, and so them both being POC, Azriel being more markedly so, should be a similar problem. Talking about either of them being angry or threatening to either Mor or Elain should be the same problem, right? 

Wrong.

This is going to be super long. Under the cut explanation of why the fandom describing Azriel as angry is not at all the same issue as saying that Lucien won’t leave Elain alone, and how while Azriel’s characterization is fucked up on sjm’s part, the fandom’s interpretation of Lucien is fucked up and that’s on the people who insist on reading him a certain way.

ACOWAR, tbh, fucked up Azriel’s characterization. I’m going to call a spade a spade. When he lost his temper at the High Lord meeting and left Mor cowering in fear, everything shifted. Suddenly his attentions weren’t caring, they were creepy. It became way less about his feelings for Mor, and more about his emotional baggage that causes him to have this rage and disregard its impact on the people he loves.

The thing is, all of these arguments about Elain not being able to stand Lucien’s presence, or him pushing himself on her, or whatever extreme interpretation people choose to make, those behaviors are actually explicit with Azriel. I’m only going to use 1-2 quotes as examples of these behaviors, but there are more. We know that:

Azriel has been in love with - obsessed with, has some sort of feelings for - Mor for 500 years. 

Mor does not reciprocate these feelings.

Azriel experiences rage and anger frequently, and towards the people he should be closest to:

“There was an icy rage in Azriel I have never been able to thaw.” (acomaf)

“Az had a vicious competitive streak. It wasn’t boastful and arrogant, the way that Cassian knew he himself was prone to be, or possessive and terrifying like Amren’s. No, it was quiet and cruel, and utterly lethal.” (acosf)

This rage causes Rhys, Mor, and Cassian all to handle Azriel with kid gloves because they know he can explode at any moment:

She had not mentioned it these past few days in Velaris. Had wanted to make this choice on her own, and had understood how the news might cast a shadow over the merriment. 

She knew Azriel would say no, would want her safe. As he had always done. Cassian would have said yes, Amren with him, and Feyre would have worried but agreed. Az would have been pissed, and withdrawn even further into himself.

She hadn’t wanted to take his joy away from him. Any more than she already did. (acowar)

Azriel tries his best to keep Mor from exercising her agency:

“We could try again,” Mor said. “Let me speak to them, let me go to their palace-”

“No,” Azriel said. Mor raised her brows, and a faint color stained Azriel’s tan face. But his features were set, his hazel eyes solid. “You’re not setting foot in that human realm.”

“I fought in the war, you could do well to remember-”

“No,” Azriel said again, refusing to break her stare. His shifting wings rasped against the back of his chair. “They would string you up and make an example out of you.” (acomaf)

And that leads us to situations like these, when his rage and anger do finally get the best of him:

The frozen rage there rooted me to the spot. But beneath it, I could almost see the images that haunted him: the hand Mor had yanked away, her weeping, distraught face as she had screamed at Rhys. And now, behind us, Mor was shaking in her chair. Pale and shaking." (acowar)

“I want to confirm that Briallyn has the Crown,” Azriel said. “I’ll travel to the human lands tomorrow.”

“No,” Feyre and Rhys said at the same time, in the same breath.

Azriel’s eye shuttered. “I wasn’t asking for permission.”

Rhys smirked. “Doesn’t matter.”

Az opened his mouth to object, but Feyre said, “You’re not going, Azriel. If Briallyn has the Crown and catches you, even if she just suspects you’re nearby, who knows what she could do to you?”

“Give me some credit, Feyre,” Az said. “I can keep hidden well enough.”

“We take no risks,” Feyre said, voice flat with command. “Pull all your spies out.”

“Like hell I will.” (acosf)

(later in acosf)

The High Lord and High Lady of the Night Court had faced off against the shadowsinger this afternoon, and emerged triumphant.

Perhaps triumphant wasn’t the right word, but the argument had ended with Azriel grudgingly agreeing not to spy on Briallyn for the time being - and brooding all through dinner.

Okay, so why did I share these examples? Because Azriel’s anger problem is explicit, it is canon, and that anger can and will be aimed at the people he loves. I could have kept going with the examples, but you get the picture.

Now, the portrayal of a man of color as threatening, especially against a white woman, is racist. That’s just a fact. Saying that Lucien is threatening to Elain has the exact same impact as saying that Azriel is threatening to Mor.

So why aren’t people coming at me for making the statement that Azriel displays red flags? (At least not publicly lol.) I suspect it’s because either 1) people don’t understand the full scope of the argument in the first place and so couldn’t recognize it elsewhere, or because they recognize that....

Sarah Janet Maas explicitly created Azriel to be a rage-y, angry man of color who stomps all over Mor’s autonomy and makes her cower in fear, and argues with the people he is supposed to respect just because... why? Well that’s a different issue, really, but the “why” doesn’t actually matter. The impact of his actions does matter. And his portrayal, combined with the very racist descriptions of the Illyrians, creates a problematic af situation. And to repeat, it is SJM who created this situation.

The fandom is the one saying that Lucien is a threatening POC. It is not canon. It is an intentional choice on the part of some readers to read him this way. They don’t have to read him this way, they choose to. They choose to participate in the narrative that men of color are a threat to white women. Intentionally? I doubt it. That’s why I and others have been trying to explain it, though.

Does SJM even realize what she has created in portraying Az as an angry POC, and by making it unclear why Elain is standoffish around Lucien? I doubt it. But that’s a her problem, not an us problem.

I do understand the instinct to read Lucien in that same overbearing, problematic way because we already have the explicit blueprint in Azriel. That’s already a thing in this world. But there is no evidence for Lucien being that way, and when people settle on that one interpretation amongst many other interpretations, then people are valid to critique the one that leans into the racism instead of away.  

We cannot change the way these books were written. We can critique the fuck out of them, and refuse to perpetuate racist, ableist, or homophobic shit.

SJM created this mess, but we don’t have to roll around in it. We can definitely do better.

[ddarker-dreams]

Puppet. Yan Charles Grey x Reader [COMM]

The phrase “your life” feels more like an oxymoron than an accurate description. 

Every task that you carry out -- from the moment the sun rises from the east, and sets in the west -- is not of your own autonomy. A marionettist pulls the strings from above, you but a mere puppet that concedes accordingly to its wishes.

You play the role of the perfect daughter, hours of tutoring and diligent planning from your parents ensuring your success. In your heart, there is little abhorrence for the distant yet prickly relationship you have with them. They mean no harm, you often have to remind yourself, when your thoughts gain a negative edge. It’s all for the greater good of the family. 

Pressing the cold glass you plucked from the buffet table against your lips, your eyes take in the sight before you. Inhabitants from high social standing cluster together, speaking of benign matters or hoping to further their position in some way. It’s a familiar scene, despite the significance of the event. 

The Queen, in all her normal benevolence, is hosting this ball in hopes of raising funds for a new orphanage in London. To turn down an invite to such an occurrence would be a kiss of death to your social standing. Your own family invested a hefty sum into the charity, a small hope of getting noticed you surmise. It’s a gamble, but nothing is gained without taking a few risks.

Your parents have an apparent agenda of their own tonight, centered around you. They’ve been introducing you to a variety of possible suitors, since you are now of the age to wed. Throughout the flood of faces you’ve met, none of them have seemed inclined to lead the conversation to taking your hand. The barrage of social interaction has sapped away at your strength, weariness settling in as the night progresses at a snail’s pace.

Being left to your own devices for what feels like the first time in hours, you lament the thought of when it’ll come to an end. Perhaps tonight simply isn’t your night? Your mother gave you a stern look when you spoke those words, critiquing every little nuance of your prior interactions. It isn’t your fault the men simply haven’t been interested in marriage, you did what was expected of you. That leaves no room for fault of your own. 

One common string of actions you picked up on, was their hesitation in initially speaking to you. It could only have been your imagination, however, they spoke to you with rigidity. Polite, yes, but they seemed eager to leave your side. Almost as if they were hesitant to even speak with you in the first place, though any reason for this is beyond you.

How peculiar. 

Your parents have left your side for a few minutes now, undoubtedly searching for another possible suitor to introduce you to. The string of bad luck isn’t enough to stop them from advancing their goals. Standing here for too long on your lonesome isn’t an option, the public eye judgmental and lips prone to entertain gossip. This night couldn’t come to a close any faster.

Adjusting your position, you consider the best course of action here. It’d be ideal to find a suitable person to speak to, but most of the people here are already in conversation with one another. Stopping a sigh that threatens to leave, you decide to get some fresh air. Distant laughter, chatter, and orchestral accompaniments go ignored as you walk to the doors of the balcony. 

Guards open the door for you, allowing you to step outside. The moon is shining brightly above, illuminating the various plants interwoven with the wood railing. Corset constricting you harshly, the ability to breathe without trouble feels like a distant luxury. Being introduced to a possible husband one after the other doesn’t help, the interactions a whirlwind of stress. 

“Not into events like this, huh? Not that I could blame you.” A male voice, light and whimsical, startles you from behind. 

Placing a gloved hand to your chest in surprise, you look back to see a young man around your age. With long, snow white hair, playful blue eyes, and wearing a white tailcoat with a black buttoned up shirt underneath. He flashes you a lazy grin, before taking his place by your side.

Your breath hitches at the unexpected advance. Whoever this is either ignorant to social rules, or cares little of them. As he takes a place by your side, you consider making an excuse to go back in. A light breeze caresses your warming skin, a few strands of hair tickling your face. 

“I wouldn’t phrase it like that,” you respond in earnest, unable to get a solid read on his aloof attitude. “Looking at the stars is a pleasant change of pace.” 

In saying so, the pair of you look up towards the sky. It’s a rarity tonight, the usual smog not as apparent. His attention returns to you soon enough, mouth set in a straight line. He considers your input, crossing his arms. 

“Hm… really? I’ve always found these events to be a drag.” he replies with a raised eyebrow, a hand pressed against his hip. You take note of the sheathed rapier, but think little else of it. The understanding the fashion choice of men has never been your strong suit. 

“At first glance, perhaps. Legends behind the constellations are what I take the most interest in. Take those five stars there, for example,” you point a finger for extra emphasis. “That one is named Cassiopeia. In Greek mythology, Cassiopeia was punished by the gods for her vanity; forced to forever be imprinted in the sky.” 

Biting your lip for a moment, you manage to collect yourself. When it came to topics you found compelling, rambling came naturally. If your mother were here she’d scold you, stern eyes saying more than words ever could.

“Seems over the top, if you ask me.” he concludes pointedly, pushing his lips to the side in thought. It almost comes as a relief that he isn’t irate with your passionate speaking, the window to criticize you for it now gone. 

A light laugh leaves your lips, skin around your eyes tightening in amusement at his blunt assessment. “Yes, well, Greek gods were not known for their compassion.” 

Mimicking your earlier action, he points to a cluster of stars in the sky with childlike enthusiasm. “And? What about this one?” 

“Ah… I don’t believe that is a constellation. It has a similar appearance, however.” you speculate with a frown, silently hoping the answer isn’t too disappointing. His shoulders droop at your lackluster response, leading you to attempt and patch it over.

“You could always make a constellation of your own. I recall doing that as a child, it’s a fun game to play with yourself.” Memories come flooding back to you of your childhood, the nights you spent creating impossible yet fun scenarios to go along with the night sky. 

Turning on his heels, he bends his face down ever so slightly to get a better look at you. Tilting his head to the side, an unidentifiable emotion flashes through his light sky blue eyes, before he returns to his former position. You feel your pulse quicken, concern over saying the wrong thing rearing its ugly head once again. 

Instead of admonishing your thoughts, he encourages them. “Humor me. What story would you give this then?” 

That isn’t what you were expecting. It’s an entertaining request, different from the dreary talk you’ve slugged through earlier. A topic that you’re well endowed in. Childlike wonder returns to you, flashes of memories from your youth returning. 

“I can’t think of anything.” you confess with a sheepish frown. “I fear my interpretations would leave much to be desired, anyhow. The original stories are too timeless to compete with.” 

Before he can offer a rebuttal, the sound of doors opening hurriedly behind you gains your attention. Your mother, eyes darting around before landing on your form, strides over to you with practiced ease. She freezes her movements when she looks over at your eccentric conversation partner, gulping at the sight. 

“Earl Grey, I take it you have met my daughter?” she guardedly inquires, showcasing a tight lipped smile. 

His title and name registers instantly, and you instantly feel an ocean of regret collapsing over you. Not only did you lose yourself in conversation with someone, it happened to be such an important individual? He could have you socially ostracized if he felt inclined to do so, being a guard of the Queen herself. 

In a desire to save face, you mirror your mother’s stoic visage; praying she didn’t catch anything you said earlier. You gulp as he holds off on a response, her eyes narrowing briefly at you in the silence.

His own relaxed demeanor doesn’t change in the slightest at the new company, finally breaking the tense silence. “Indeed I have. We were having an exciting conversation.” 

She shoots you a look that makes your blood go cold, fingers twitching by your side. The carriage ride home will be a harrowing event. You can already picture the chastising comments she’ll make at your expense, critiquing you from head to toe. 

“Ah, I’m pleased to hear she was good company for you then. Please forgive her for any slips of the tongue, she’s always been an imaginative child.” she offers a timed laugh, one that you know well. Another sign of how you’ve surely upset her with your antics.

Your mother doesn’t need to say anything else, you more than capable of reading in between the lines of her strained gaze. She’s smoothed over any possible grievances to the best of her abilities, and wants you to dismiss yourself. 

Earl Grey has kept his attention on you, paying little mind to her. You silently inhale, praying that your face doesn’t waver at your next words. Face burning in defiance of your wishes, you excuse yourself. 

“It’s been a pleasure, Earl Grey. I thank you kindly for your time.” 

---

When your father called you to his study this afternoon, you knew it would be grim news. 

The past month has been a tense one, misfortunes piling up one after the other. It all started when one of his companies main investors pulled for no understandable reason, not even offering an explanation. 

Matters only grew worse as rumors of scandal plagued him from an anonymous source, further discrediting the company's name. The staff of your house whispers that perhaps he’s been cursed by a malevolent spirit. While you initially scoffed at such an unfounded notion, you can’t help but begin to wonder if it holds some truth.

Weariness was apparent in his gaze, skin tight to the bone and dark circles underneath his eyes. Money is running out, he told you with a shameful sigh. There will be lifestyle changes in the near future, such as cutting a significant amount of staff at the estate; and even having to lay off employees under his company. 

He wanted so desperately to shield you from this frightful information, but the times are growing dire. It’s frustrating -- how all of this could happen from out of seemingly nowhere -- leaving you at the mercy of the law. There must be something you can do, but what? 

It’s the question that has led you to the gardens outside. Birds chirp contentedly, leaves rustling about in the wind. Nature always brings with it a taste of sweet solace, but today, even it fails to mitigate your anxiety. Negotiations for any possible engagements have also led nowhere, to make matters worse.

‘I could offer to sell some of my wardrobe… would that even do anything, though? It’s surely couldn’t hurt.’

Delicately wrapping your fingers around the teacup handle, you take a sip. Could it be you were not a desirable enough wife? With all the problems your family has had of late, suitors must be too cautious to approach you. As unfair as it may be, it frustrates you further. 

“I was told I’d find you out here.” 

Whipping your head around, you’re met with a sight that brings back pleasant memories. Earl Grey walks from behind a hedge, inviting himself into your presence without any hesitation. There’s a light spring to his step, like something had put him in a good mood.

This melts away instantly when he sees your downcast gaze, frowning deeply at the pitiful sight. 

“Earl Grey,” you greet with a strained smile. “If you’re looking for my father, I can show you his study.” 

Grey waves off your offer with disinterest, plopping himself down next to you. “There’s no need, I just finished speaking with him.”

You cross your legs at the information, muscles taut and frown deepening further. The investigation into possible racketeering brings a sense of shame, knowing in the depths of your heart your father would never do that. He’s been a lawful man his entire life, instilling in you good morals and reverence of the law.  

It would be impolite to ask for the state of the investigation from Grey, who was assigned to look into the rumors by the Queen. It is still a tempting prospect, but you bite your tongue nonetheless. 

‘How embarrassing… The Earl has only ever seen me in compromising situations such as this.’  

“I wanted to speak to you before I left,” Grey explains, leaning closer to your person. “Not as an interrogation or anything relating to the recent allegations. I’ve been curious about you.” 

Even at his insistence that this is off the record, it does little to help you. In the short time you’ve spoken to him, you’ve found his laid back personality to be off putting. Grey speaks whatever comes to his mind without caring how others might interpret it. This foreign confidence must come as a right to those in high power. 

“About... me?” you repeat back for further clarification, blinking rapidly and tilting your head. 

“We didn’t get to talk as much as I wanted to,” he explains, finding amusement in your wide eyes. Maintaining eye contact never felt so difficult. “And I just so happened to be here. It’s worth taking advantage of.” 

Shifting in your seat, you respond. “I’m all yours then.” 

He picks up on your poorly hidden discomfort with a frown, resting his chin on his hand. 

“Don’t feel the need to be so tense around me,” he chastises, thin eyebrows furrowing together with displeasure. “I liked how you were before more. So open and honest! It’s a breath of fresh air, really. Everyone can be so stiff and boring... it drives me mad.” 

“You must be worried about the ongoing investigation. It’ll be fine, really. There’s been no hard evidence found -- only rumors -- which is a different kind of damaging. But in the eyes of the law, it’s ultimately useless.

He winks, causing your face to flush. “Just a little secret between us.” 

You feel yourself eased by his spontaneously serious words, the affirmation much needed. Offering him a natural smile, you express your heartfelt appreciation.

“Hearing you say that makes all the difference,” you fumble over your words, incapable of hiding the well of emotion within any longer. Putting a gloved hand to your mouth, you continue. “You’ve offered me such kindness.” 

Grey perks up at your gratitude, leaning in closer. “I’m only being honest. I’ve seen the worst humanity has had to offer, but your father is nothing of the sort. And neither are you.” 

Guilt over your previous assessment of the Earl sprouts like a weed within your mind. You thought little of him at first, believing him nothing more than a soul too lighthearted for their own good. But here he is, offering you comfort in one of the darkest seasons in your life despite having nothing to gain from it. If anything, it could be a risk to his own character to associate with you.

Yet he’s here nonetheless. 

“There actually is another reason I wanted to speak to you,” he interrupts your thoughts with an excited hum. “Seeing as your father is almost entirely cleared of suspicion, we had discussed arrangements relating to you. I asked for your hand, and he enthusiastically accepted. Wonderful, right?” 

“W-wait, what?” you sputter in utter disbelief, uncertain of whether or not you’re dreaming. Is Grey being honest with you, or is this a practical joke in the works? Men from lesser standing than him looked over you as a possible wife, what does he stand to gain from this arrangement? 

He seems happy enough to repeat himself. “We’re engaged. There are some little details that still need to be ironed out, but, other than that...” 

You never were expecting to receive news of an engagement like this, your thoughts incoherent. It’ll do little for your image to so clearly reflect your inner feelings, prompting you to gain any semblance of control of your outward reactions.

This is a good thing, after all, perplexing as it is. With his connections and influence, no one would dare question your father’s integrity again. Doing so would be questioning the Queen’s own bodyguards, an extension of herself in many ways. 

Grey looks at you expectantly, unusually silent while giving you a moment to process. From his upbeat, almost sing song tone, you get the feeling he wants this engagement himself. 

“So don’t worry about those things anymore. I’ll be taking care of you from now on, after all,” he hums, looking down at you. Lithe fingers grab hold of a strand of your hair, playing with it. He’s close -- closer than a man has ever been to you -- warm breath hitting your face. “My only request is that you be yourself around me. That’s what drew me to you, and all I care for.” 

Giving you a moment of respite, he tucks your hair back into place. Grey takes in the sight of you. Afternoon sun shining upon your face, highlighting your flushed cheeks, and soft lips. Smiling with contentment, he leans back into his chair, closing his eyes. 

“Do that for me, and we’ll have no problems. A win-win situation.” 

[chasseurdeloup-retired]

Friendship is Magic || Bea and Kaden

TIMING: Before poltergeist Lauren Langley and the scream LOCATION: The Vural’s House PARTIES: @beatrice-blaze and @chasseurdeloup SUMMARY: Just a wholesome good times

After their conversation, Bea had felt the need to invite Kaden over to simply let them get back into their normal routine. She didn’t like that he hadn’t felt supported, but she supposed it made sense. Her sisters had said the same thing after she had given them her opinion. She had texted him promising good wine and food if he came over to give her an opinion on some tricks she was working on for her show. She’d usually ask her sisters, but with how busy they had been, she was outsourcing. Once Kaden had arrived to the house, she had ushered him to her back porch, poured him a generous glass of wine, and sat him down in one of her comfy chairs. “I promise I’ll feed you after this, I just need you to tell me two things: Are my tricks entertaining and will people be able to clock it as real magic?” She wasn’t always the best at telling if she was being too showy.

Kaden hadn’t wanted to be mad at Bea, not even a little. He wasn’t even sure he was. Everything happening just made it feel like raw nerves were spindingling out of him right now and any emotional upheaval was a fucking mess for him to process. And Bea was safe. Deep down he knew it would be nearly impossible to push her away so she got him at his worst. Not what he wanted to do and part of him worried he’d been wrong and had gone too far. So the invitation was more than welcome. Something calm and simple at the Vural house felt a bit like a warm blanket and he was appreciative that Bea was always a soft place to land. Hard truths and all. In person was easier to remember that sometimes. “Don’t worry, I never doubt that with you,” he said with a smile. He gave her a nod as he leaned back in the chair, glass of wine in hand, one leg crossed over the other. “Alright, do your worst. You know you’re asking someone who grew up knowing magic was real his whole life, too, right?”

Bea had to laugh, it was true that no one went into the Vural house and left without having had been feed at least once. “I had to say it! I promised food and I intend to make good on that promise.” After she said it, she realized that promise was probably not the best way to phrase it. She knew she should probably start trying to phase out the word promise, but it had been apart of her vocabulary for long she struggled to find something to fill the void. “I know!” She laughed as she went down to the lawn,“But you’ll be able to tell me better than I can tell me. Hope you’re ready, ignore how I lit them, I’d do it differently on stage.” She grinned, picking up her fire fans. Usually, she would make a show lighting it with a pre-existing flame, but here she just simply snapped her fingers and each prong was ablaze in seconds. She spun them a few times before throwing it up in the air, using her magic to flare out the fire in a dazzling display of light. She caught both in one hand before gracefully moving into a single-handed cartwheel. Doing a few more tricks with her fans, she ended by waving them in front of her face before arching back to look at the sky and breathed fire. She shook her fans, the flames going out as she did. Grinning up at Kaden, she put a hand to her hip,“So? Good or too showy?”

“You know, not a huge fan of the word promise anymore,” Kaden said with a half smile. “But a promise of food is one I think I can get behind.” Honestly, it was so comforting to know that Regan had made him swear off promises to her. The only promise bind he’d ever be comfortable with. The real smile came when he watched his friend perform. She was a natural entertainer, which was sometimes hard to remember with how she was off stage. Not that she wasn’t personable or bland by any means, just she never seemed like the type to crave attention with any sort of desperation that he assumed was necessary to want to put yourself out there on stage like that. He clapped when she was done. He sat back, though, had a moment where he crossed his arms in front of his chest and narrowed his eyes. “Hmm. That was fine. But only two fans?” He shook his head in mock critique. “Better step it up, Bea. Or someone might take that top spot.” He dropped the act and leaned forward again. “Looked good, though. Really. The breathing fire, though. You think people will buy it?”

“Such a complicated thing now,” Bea agreed, thinking of the promise she made to Regan. She had to be so careful in the kitchen now, having no desire to deal with the consequences again. She’d have to ask Regan to release her, though that was much easier said than done, considering how the woman felt about the supernatural. She climbed the stairs again, leaning against the railing. “Thought I would ease the crowd into the fans, but I’m sure I could handle three if I really wanted,” She called back with easy confidence. In the back of her mind, she wondered if she would be doing bigger, flashier tricks if she was in Vegas. “Bold of anyone to try to take the top spot from the owner, I would love to meet a performer who thought they were better than me.” The thing was, she knew one day someone would show and be better than her and that’s what made her constantly evolve and get better. She wouldn’t let them take her spot easily. With his genuine question, she shrugged,”If we were in any other town, I would say yes, but here people know way too much. With a witch hunter around I have to be more careful than usual. Think I should just take it out to be safe?”

Complicated described a lot more in Kaden’s life than just the word promise. But he knew they both knew as much and didn’t need to hash everything out all over again. And for once, he’d like the focus of their conversations not to be his never ending list of fuck ups. “Really?” he said, shaking his head a little. “And here I thought I was just being an asshole.” He shrugged, his voice teasing again. “I don’t know. You might have a performer that can use four fans.” The smile on his face dissipated at her next statement. The witch hunter. His mouth pulled into a thin line.With everything going on, he’d almost forgotten about the fucking witch hunter. “Yeah, I’d play it safe. Maybe make it look like you’re spitting oil or whatever it is people do without real magic.” His stomach still churned at the thought of losing Bea at the hands of a witch hunter. It was crazy to him that someone would look at her and see someone so dangerous she was worth killing. Sure, she was powerful as hell, he’d seen her fry those leprechauns out there in the woods, but she had control of her magic. The logic just didn't track for him. “She hasn’t-- you and your sisters have been careful, right?” He knew he should change the subject, but he couldn’t shake his concern that quickly. Not after the fucking way his life had been tracking recently.

“Oh, don’t worry you’re always an asshole,” Bea teased back lightly. She liked these moments of easy friendship, where there was nothing particularly stressful happening and they could simply tease each other. “If a performer comes and can do four fans, they deserve the spot,” She told him with a slight laugh. It would be doubly impressive if they weren’t a spellcaster, but she doubted that someone would be as comfortable with fire if they weren’t. She frowned as he did, understanding her stumble quickly. She had lived with the reality of the witch hunter for longer than other people had and while she was worried, she tried not to dwell on it for too long. “That could work, plus people probably would know the smell with the oil.” As long as it looked like she took something into her mouth, it would work and she wouldn’t have to worry about the mess. She nodded at him, understanding the worry he felt. She felt it when her sisters mentioned doing something risky with their magic. “We’re as careful as we can be. Though, there’s not much we can do. I’m sure my sisters would love to just fight her and get it over with, but it doesn’t seem worth it to me.” She finally came to join him at the chairs, sitting across from him, and poured a glass of wine for herself. “Don’t worry about it for too long, you’ll get wrinkles.”

“You’re right,” Kaden said, returning the smile. “But don’t knock it too much. It’s my one true talent. I’m not big on the fan twirling, you know.” He nodded, hoping her trick with the oil would be enough to throw someone off her tracks. It was hard to know for sure if it would be enough to fool someone like him or her, someone who had never questioned the existence of magic, but it was better than nothing. Just had to hope most people who knew about magic didn’t care and didn’t try to exploit her. Or worse. It’s odd, he hadn’t exactly assessed the dangers of what she did before then. It all seemed like such a logical path to take. Guess everything had its risks. “I’d just rather none of you gets hurt. Whatever that takes,” he said with a shrug. Killing her was his preference but it shouldn’t have surprised him that Bea was far more relaxed about it. Hell, she had decided to be his friend immediately after he tried to kill her. He should have known by now how often she let things lie as long as the people she cared about weren’t directly in harm’s way. He didn’t realize how deeply his forehead had creased until she spoke again. He rolled his eyes and shook it off. “Sorry I want to make sure my friend doesn’t die. I mean, come on, I’m the only one that’s allowed to try and off you. I called dibs.” In the absence of talking, his mind drifted to Regan and their last conversation about her. Part of him felt like he should apologize. For real. Most of him wanted to let it lie. With a sigh, he looked down at his drink and tried to think about what his friend might appreciate more. “I’m sorry. For the other day. We don’t have to drag it up again but, uh, I mean it.” He looked back up at her, hoping she got that this wasn’t that easy for him to admit. “Even though this really is your fault, after all. For being friends with an idiot.”

“I bet you’d have an easy time learning with all your hunter instincts and all.” Bea was curious to see how well a hunter would do with things like this. It wouldn’t be as smooth as a performer’s attempt, but she had to assume that a hunter would take to it easier than a normal person. She understood her sisters’ wish for blood, but she had no desire to bring more attention to them if the witch hunter wasn’t looking at them already. “Whatever that takes is a dangerous phrase,” She said lightly, though she understood the sentiment. She’d do whatever it took to keep her sisters safe, even if it meant taking a path she didn’t think was necessarily the best. “I’m sure the witch hunter will respect your dibs on taking me out. You should make sure everyone knows you have dibs on my sisters too, so they won’t mess with them either.” She took a sip of her wine, thinking over how normal this was to her. She knew that to humans without power this was a wild conversation to have, but compared to fighting leprechauns and putting silver in her coffee this was one of the most normal nights she had with Kaden. She watched him then, as he apologized, and in a strange way she saw herself reflected back. Apologizing was hard, especially when it was something as emotionally charged as this. “Thank you,” She told him simply. There was nothing more to say that wouldn’t drag up the conversation again. “I happen to like being friends with idiots. It really boosts my self confidence,” She teased.

Kaden made a face like he tasted something bad at the thought of him twirling fans in any capacity. “I doubt that. Shooting things and stabbing things are pretty different from cartwheels and fan dances.” He downed a decent bit of wine at the thought. “You’d have to get me very drunk to try that shit. Or I’d have to lose a game of truth or dare. Something stupid.” Some part of him suspected he just gave Bea some ammunition against him to get him to try. Still never going to fucking happen. Over his dead body. “Maybe,” he said with a shrug. Dangerous, sure. Accurate? Yeah. There were a handful of people he was pretty sure he’d go to the ends of the earth to help out. Not sure when that happened but it didn’t matter how much he questioned it or tried to deny it; it was still true. And Bea was on that list. Simple enough. He could handle it all as long as it felt like facts and not feelings. “I’ll make sure I spread the word. The Vural’s are my mark and no one else gets them. That will definitely not raise any questions with hunters of any background when they see you’re all still walking around.” It was always strange how they could find themselves talking about the darkest subject with no gravity around it. It was the things that should be simple that got him landed with her hard truths. “Glad I can help, then” he said with a wry smile. “I still owe you that French cooking lesson, right?”

“Well, you wouldn’t look as good as I do, but you know how to use your body and that’s more than plenty of people can say,” Bea replied, ending with a sip of wine. Body control was so important to what she did and she knew that all the hunters had pretty good control of the body. Though, she would love to see Kaden and the other hunters trying to keep up with her cartwheels. “I know your maybes mean yes, Kaden. It is dangerous and I feel like we all put ourselves in too much danger to add this onto the list.” She had no idea why she continually collected people who enjoyed doing things that would eventually kill them, but she was sure between Kaden and her sisters she was going to have gray hair very early. “We’re like your freebie. No one else can do anything because we’re with you.” Bea was rather confident that the other hunters in town liked her enough not to mess with her unless she really did something bad. Being a spellcaster was a great thing in the supernatural world, unbothered by hunters and considered rather helpful at times. They were the epitome supernatural privilege. “Yes! You do. I’ve had to learn all my french cooking on my own without any help!” She told him with a dramatic flare to her voice.

“I’m surprisingly uncoordinated, actually.” Kaden pulled his mouth in a thin line for a moment. Hand to hand combat wasn’t his strength for that reason and it was something he had to constantly work on in training when he was younger, even now. Remembering his past stung a little. It seemed to more and more lately, the more he started questioning things. Kaden realized he got a little lost in thought, probably had a stupidly serious look on his face or some shit. He raised his brows and loosened his expression, trying to clean the slate outside and in. This was a nice normal night with a friend. Not deep introspective bullshit night. “It doesn't always mean yes. But I mean, half my life is running into danger head first,” he said with a shrug. “Not sure I’d know what to do if my life was boring and easy.” It was something he’d said to himself for years and years now, but more often than not he felt a pang of… something when he said it. Longing? Sadness? Who the fuck knew. There was no retiring from hunting in his mind. No erasing everything he knew about the world from his memory. Why waste time wishing for the impossible? “Hmm, you’re right. But I’ve got Regan on my list of freebies, too. And a few others. List’s getting too long, I don’t know. I think my reputation at the Bullet is going to go down the drain.” He said it with a smirk in a joking manner, sure, but there was entirely too much truth to that for him to be comfortable. Maybe best to switch the subject. “Truly shameful. French cooking without a single French person around. You ought to know better.”

Bea scoffed at him, her face pulling into an expression that screamed that’s bullshit. “Whenever you don’t want to say yes because you don’t think someone will react well, you say maybe. Every time.” Reading Kaden was something she was getting better at throughout their friendship and she was sure that he was getting better at reading her. “Even without being a hunter, you would find a way to make your life dangerous, I can just tell,” She teased lightly. Though, she knew that his life would be very different if he hadn’t been raised a hunter, just like her life would be completely changed if she hadn’t been raised a witch. Their identities were so controlled by how they were raised that it was hard to imagine how different things would be without the way they were raised. “Wow, the Vurals aren’t your only? How will we survive?” She asked, turning her face toward the sky in a mock cry. She looked back at him with a wicked grin,“Though you could probably just tell them that we will literally melt their faces off, maybe that would make them back off.” She doubted a witch hunter would end the hunt at that threat, if anything it would spur them on, but she enjoyed the idea. She narrowed her eyes at him,“Someone has been busy and I had to do it on my own, but since you’re here now… You could always show me some tips now.”

“May--” Kaden started and quickly tried to correct himself “I mean, I do not! Fuck.” It was almost annoying that she could read him like an open book sometimes. Almost. He always thought he was less transparent than that but having friends who gave a shit beyond “how was your last kill” proved him wrong. He huffed out a laugh at her jab. “That’s only because I’m the idiot who comes running whenever someone calls on me for help. Come on, it’s not like I go thrill seeking. Imagine the nice quiet life I’d have if no one ever got into trouble.” Right. He was pretty sure he didn’t make friends with anyone who didn’t get into trouble on a regular basis. So that was never going to happen. “Yeah, that might do it. It’s kept me from contemplating a few marks before, that’s for sure.” He felt an instant pit in his gut thinking of Ricky as a mark. It sounded wrong now, even in jest. Calling him a friend felt wrong, too, sure. But all the same. “Don’t blame me. It is not just me who’s been busy, owner of her own theater and top billed performer,” he joked. “But yeah, we can do it now. I’m sure you have enough to make a good velouté or béchamel sauce. If you want.”

Bea let out a loud laugh as he struggled to keep himself from saying maybe. “You do and you just don’t want to admit I’m right!” She wouldn’t say that she was the best at observing other people, at least not compared to her sisters, but she would claim that she was good at understanding her friends' emotions. She let out another laugh into her glass before she took a sip,“You only make friends with trouble makers. I’m probably the least trouble makery of your friends and that’s saying something.” Most of the trouble Bea ended up in she would blame her sisters for, but she knew there were certainly times she stuck her nose too far into other people’s business and got involved with less than savory things. “It’s not my fault that my talents demand me to be on the stage and run the behind scenes too! Really the show would not be the same if I wasn’t my own boss.” She grinned at him widely and stood then,“Off to the kitchen then?”

[mxrcayong]

masterlist.

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chapter thirteen

No matter how bright the sun was outside or how stunning the island was – the thoughts of being on a break from the city officially has left their minds. The room they were in represented their frenzy state of mind. What once was a meeting room was a makeshift war room; an endless number of blueprints, photos, maps were thrown around the room. The files were only connected through different colored strings, seemingly tossed together in a coherent manner that probably only made sense to Sukiara and Johnny at this point. Generally speaking, the room looks like something that can be found in the museums dedicated to the 100-year-war.

Tari’s head started to feel heavy – a ringing echoing throughout her mind. All thoughts kept interrupting each other, as if they were fighting for attention in her own brain. Not only is her life in danger, but her family and her friends as well. They managed to put me on a suspect list, she thought, if they can’t find me – will they attack the ones I care about? Tari looked around the room. Her heart warmed, knowing those closest to her are here – away from the government. But then, she thought of the people who weren’t.

Will Hendery be safe? How about her bosses? Or Lucas? Is anyone she interacted with safe?

She risked all of their lives. She should’ve stayed in the island, stayed isolated for however long she had to before she died. Maybe they were right, Tari let her head fall onto the table as she thought of the White Lotus’s idea that the Avatar has to be separated from their family. How did they come up with that? Tari isn’t sure, especially as she has been the first Avatar under this rule. The one subject of information Tari is banned to learn about is the Order of the White Lotus itself.

I should’ve known to stay on the island. In hindsight, Tari realizes that for the government – especially nowadays with the population databases – can easily hunt down the Avatar. For one, when they found out that she was the Avatar, there was a news announcement of the Avatar being found in a Northern Water Tribe community. So, the government just had to filter their searches for people initially from the Northern Water Tribe. From there, they just had to filter birth year as well. The birthday of the Avatar is obvious – the same day Avatar Aang passed away, letting the Avatar spirit find its next host. Even her friends joked when they first met that Tari was ‘the Avatar’ because of her birthday, but stopped once they noticed how uncomfortable she was. Luckily for Tari’s safety, the population database she had to fill out to move in only required her birth year.

Tari practically slammed her head against the table. However, no one turned their head (at least not obviously) - everyone too busy trying to even comprehend the information being thrown at them. Johnny, of course, turned his head momentarily to look at Tari as soon as the sound of her head hitting the table resounded throughout the room. Yuta, on the other hand, placed his hand on her knee – an attempt to calm her down.

She regrets wishing for a normal life, she regrets going to Sooman. If she could go back in time, she’d do anything to protect her friends from her. Even if it meant never meeting them.

Lifting her head up, now opening up her view from just the mahogany table below her – she noticed each of them masqueraded their brave faces. Tari knew they were all tired – probably exhausted out of their own minds. If it weren’t for her, she could be sleeping or napping or just being happy. I brought them into this. If she never met them, if she never cursed them with her acquaintance or this information – they could be safe.

Her gaze particularly landed on Jisung, whose eyes were shut and his head resting on his hands. He’s too young for this, Tari scolded herself. In fact, Tari saw her younger self in him. Jisung was thrown into a world he could barely expect to be thrown into; he had no choice. Tari could’ve avoided bringing him into this – brought him back home to the city, but he insisted on coming. Jisung was only 18. He’d be a high school graduate soon. He should be studying for exams by now.

“To conclude, it seems that the event they’re hosting – a mandatory event for all benders, which they will ensure everyone is there through the population databases – will be an event to take away everyone’s bending abilities.” Sukiara summarized. “It seems like the order of events will be an attendance check, retrieving personalized bands where their attendance will be double checked, and then they will meet Amon in the back room.”

Yuta scoffed. “Are you seriously telling me they’re trying to remove every bender’s ability all in one night?” Incredulously, he continued to critique the plan as if he was talking to the creators himself.  

Sonan stood up, walking towards Sukiara who stood in front of the board – analyzing it for what felt like the millionth time. “I mean, this is just my assumption but, I think they’ll probably go off on the people who seem to be more high risk. So…this list.” She pointed to the snapshot of the ‘suspected Avatar’ list and “…and people with these marks by their name.” She gesticulated towards the list of benders or suspected benders and pointed at the exclamation marks next to some the names. “These are people who worked at the gyms, right? Or are seen as ‘masters’?” Sonan turned to Doyoung, reciting off the few names on the available snapshot with the exclamation point next to them. He nodded. “Well, then Doyoung is high risk too.”

Tari could hardly open her mouth. Her thoughts couldn’t be formed into words. She forgot what her voice sounded like. “But none of us are particularly safe, except for Johnny or Sonan I guess.” She sighed, her voice unfamiliar to her and croaking with anxiety. “But every bender is in danger. Look, they made that band-thing. It’s called ‘eleagero’. If I’m remembering correctly, agero is Latin for remove and ele could be element.”

Sonan furrowed her brows. “Is that even possible?” She was insanely doubtful, her eyes reflecting what Tari could believe was all the disbelief in the world. “Like, that’s surely not possible. Unless you’re the Avatar, right?”

“Avatar Aang has used energy bending to remove Fire Lord Ozai’s fire bending, yes.” Sukiara answered for Tari. Even in stressful situations, she still sounded poise and unfaltered. “But there is no information about the material in this. They may have found something that we aren’t aware of.”

“Aren’t the White Lotus aware of everything?” Ah, spiteful Kilari is back. Throughout the last few hours, Kilari has been remaining silent or in hushed tones with Johnny. Ever since Johnny’s arrival, she has refused to talk to anyone directly but him. The way she poke seemed to be as if she was spitting the words out, disgusted by the very idea of the society. Sukiara shook her head solemnly. “Then what’s the point of this stupid society? Lie to people? Betray people? Act superior?”

Johnny interrupted, trying to diffuse her flames. “Getting to keep your bending or not, no matter what - it’s likely Tari’s the least safe out of all of us.” Johnny jumped to his feet, pushing the chair he was sitting in behind him out of frustration. “They’ll probably go after the Avatar suspects first. We don’t know how many of them they already ‘nullified’.” As he said ‘nullifed’, it sounded like he had to gulp down something particularly bitter. “Tari will be one of the first targets, for sure.” Despite Johnny refusing to make eye contact with Tari or address her personally, his concern was evident – from his reddened face, his suddenly improved posture, his blown-out eyes. Tari felt some hope return to her – he still cares about her.

Kilari groaned at the mention of Tari’s name yet again. “Seriously, Johnny?” She yelled, following his lead and standing up out of frustration – her chair pushed so far back it crashed into the wall. “Tari’s the Avatar.” She mocked, her voice dripping with venom, removing any hope Tari had gained back about her relationship being intact. “She’s the most powerful out of all of them. Oh, but don’t forget – the Avatar can also bend the truth and lie to her friends.” Tari’s heart hurt; every word leaving her friend’s mouth felt like an attack, felt like arrows hitting her. It hurt more than her knowing she’ll be in danger.

And like that, Kilari stormed out the room.

Sonan was the first to speak up, evident that she was feeling sorry for Kilari’s behaviour. “I’ll go talk to her.” She made her way to the door.

Johnny shook his head insistently, stopping her right in front of the door. “I’ll do it.” He smiled softly – the first smile of his Tari has seen since he arrived, even if it was full of pity.

Tari jumped to her feet. “Johnny, wait, she’s angry.” She warned, “We all know she’s impulsive. She burnt me accidentally once for touching her baking materials. She may burn you-.”

“You mean you did to me?” Johnny snapped back. Tari quickly looked down; noticing the burn mark fading. Good. “Tari, I get it.” His voice wasn’t comforting or understanding like usual but felt like a cold, sharp edge. His voice wasn’t the blanket she could normally use to wrap herself in. His voice wasn’t home or the same voice that would help her sleep by talking in a soothing tone. It was like a cold metal slate found in morgues. “You’re all powerful. You’re the most powerful person among both worlds. But that’s exactly why I’m the most powerful now.” He approached her, his arm flying to the air as if he was about to slap her. Tari never felt more fear in her life. She flinched away.

Johnny’s heart dropped. She thought I was going to hit her? But he pushed it aside. “I can walk freely without worrying about my life. Not that, but I’m stronger than you think. I do not need bending to be strong.” He approached the door once more, his hand wrapping around the handle. Tari stood still; trying to process his tone. He turned around one more time. “I trusted you. And maybe I shouldn’t have as it’s clear you didn’t trust me. But please…” His eyes went wide, as if a deer stuck in headlights. “Trust me. This. Once.”

“Johnny,” Tari muttered as Johnny was halfway throughout the door. He paused momentarily. “I’m sorry.”

The door closed behind him.

It wasn’t hard to find Kilari. Johnny just had to follow the track of some burnt grass, some freaked out White Lotus members, and the distant sounds of angry grunts. “Woah there, dragon.” He almost neighed, seeing the environment around them filling with smoke as Kilari burnt yet another unsuspecting bush.

Once Kilari had calmed down, the only noise filling their ears were Kilari’s heavy pants and the crunch of leaves Johnny had walked on to approach her. Her distraught eyes met Johnny’s and as soon as they did, she fell onto her knees sobbing.

Johnny ran over to her, his arms wrapping around Kilari tightly. He lifted her up, carrying her bridal style with ease. “C’mon, let’s go somewhere cleaner.” She buried her face into his shoulder, continuing to cry.

He has only been on this island for a while. But he was lucky that he had a good memory, or else he wouldn’t have remembered the small tour Sukiara gave them within the first hour of arriving. Johnny transported Kilari out of the forest and to the viewing point in the village, walking past confused society members.

At the viewing point, Johnny placed Kilari on the bench that overlooked the strong waves. The breeze ruffled her hair and blew away her tears, although they kept coming. Johnny has never seen Kilari cry, and obviously – they weren’t the closest out the group. Despite that, Kilari always put upon this unbothered and uncaring persona. When Johnny first met her, he swore that Kilari was someone who wouldn’t care about anything. Getting to know her didn’t prove much otherwise. The only exception was Kilari cared a great deal about her friends and about making the most out of life.

“I trusted her.” Kilari choked out through heavy sobs. “She knew everything about me. And was I not a good enough friend? Did she not trust me?” Johnny didn’t know what to say. How could he? He’s feeling the same emotions. He rubbed his hand against her back, trying to comfort her as they stare off at the sea – seeing a faint outline of the Avatar Aang statue and the skyscrapers of Sooman City. Her sniffling became prominent. “Johnny?” She croaked, on the verge of breaking.

“Hm?” Johnny hummed, trying to repress his own emotions.

“Did we really know her?”

Johnny sighed. A silence settled between them as Johnny thought.

I knew her, for sure. He thought, I knew who she is in the present. I may not have known her past, but does the past define her as much as her present? Johnny knew Tari’s favorite coffee order, her favorite alcohol drink, and her favorite color. He knew what would make her flinch or make her feel safe. He knew how to comfort her when she’s sad and lonely. If he walks past a store and something catches his eye, he’s pretty sure he’ll know if Tari will like it. Johnny can list the things that make Tari’s eyes twinkle and what makes them go wide.

But Johnny doesn’t know about her past. He never heard much about her parents, who she had mentioned she didn’t grow up with. He never heard anything about Sukiara or her travels around the nations. She only heard the vaguest truths about her past. But could he still say he knows her?

“As much as I’m inclined to say no right now,” Johnny let out a shallow breath, “We do know her.”  He smiled softly. “I’m feeling really betrayed right now too. Tari was one of the few people I can go to constantly about anything… Honestly, I feel like I failed her.” He wiped the few stray tears away. “But her past isn’t who she is. Everyone changes, everyone will. I guess we know people as we grow with them.” He pushed back his head, trying to make sense of his own words. “Okay, I’m not sure what I’m saying but Tari being the Avatar? Tari’s past?” He prompted, trying to convince himself what he’s telling her. “That isn’t all there is to her.”

Kilari sighed. “But…would it be a big part of her? She can’t grow out of it.”

“You can’t grow out of your family being fire sages, can you?” He questioned, making Kilari shake her head. “But if someone knows everything about you now and don’t know about your relationship to the fire sages, would you consider them to know you?” Asking this theoretical question, he hopes to gain an insight.

Johnny – he had nothing he was ashamed of growing up. He had amazing parents who he loved with all his heart, especially his mom, and grew up like everyone else. Yes, he felt compelled to constantly improve himself and he had a short period where he was jealous of benders, but that’s like cringing at old photos of yourself. That Johnny helped make him the Johnny he is today. Without that period in his life, he wouldn’t be who he was today. He wasn’t ashamed of it.

However, Kilari grew up with something she was ashamed with. The only reason he knew about her being a ‘supposed to be’ Fire Sage was because Tari mentioned it to him the first time he met Kilari. But then again, Tari said Kilari only told them within the year of knowing her and it was only because she doesn’t actively talk about it.

She sighed. “I guess you’re right.” She pouted, the wind blowing off the last of her tears. “I guess I just feel so…mad and betrayed and…lost. I thought I knew everything about her.”

Johnny let out a low chuckle, “Me too. But hey, it’s nice to know our feelings are validated.” He teased, nudging her to try and lift their spirits.

Kilari sniffled and chuckled, “Yeah…Can we stay mad at her for a little longer? I don’t think I want to get up from here or see her yet.”

Johnny let out his first hearty laugh in the last few hours – days, even. “Only for today…because her life is pretty much in danger in a bit.”

At least now, Johnny and Kilari have let out their feelings. It wasn’t going to overflow within them. They’d only feel this anger and betrayal openly until the sun sets.

But then their priority goes to the safety of their best friend.  

request anything for future parts / penny for your thoughts here

[narilgc]

𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐃𝐈𝐃 𝐀 𝐁𝐀𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 . . . but i don’t regret the thing that i did !! hello all, i’ve been keeping this under wraps for the past few days but on a whim i’ve decided to bring on my second ( and last, i promise ) muse for the ride !! with that being said, it is jada here, max’s mun, but this time i’m presenting to you the wonderful im nari !! she was my initial idea before max, but i loved her too much to get rid of her !! i’m so excited for her to be here and i really hope she’s well received as well !! i’ve been slow on his acc for the past few days, and she’s the reason why, but now that i’ve gotten my life ( mostly ) together & things are running just fine again !! anyways, her profile’s here, and below you can find some general trivia on her as well as connection ideas !! oh, and like this to plot ! 

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘 :

from damyang, south korea !!  a v small agricultural town & was born into humble beginnings - a seamstress for a mom, and her dad a farmer !! so she lived on a small farm when she was younger and was raised with pigs, cows, and goats as pets !

she helped around the farm her whole time she lived home, so she has a lot of life skills t & knows all about caring for animals and tending the farm !

they weren’t well off by any means - they had a small income to spread thin between all those people - but they made it work !! she never felt truly slighted as she knew their situation, in fact in her own way, she was spoiled in the best way she could be given their predicament.

raised in a household full of boys - she’s the youngest w a family of 6 loud, rowdy boys.

so in a way she’s more of a tomboy, used to roughhousing and all her sibling’s antics !! she’s also used to doing a lot of heavy lifting around the farm so has surprising strength for her size.

on the other hand, being the youngest & only daughter has upped the girliness !! she’s used to being babied so knows all about acting cute & her mom was always using her as an experiment for all her clothes !! was raised on handmade dresses her mom made in all sorts of intricate patterns & loved it !!

has been an actress in the making for a g e s !!! it all started when she was a really young kid, her mom would let her watch the tv in the tailor shop so she’d have something to do while her mom was at work !!

so there was this drama “a rolling hills romance” ( which i TOTALLY made up lmao !! ) that she absolutely loooved !! it was about a farm romance and was one of the only ones she saw that wasn’t taking place in the city !! it just got her in love with acting in general though, she’d eventually memorize scenes from all the dramas she’d watch and recite them out of the blue !!!

eventually it got her into theatre acting, which was her favorite !! she started watching broadway shows from abroad, memorizing the songs even though she didn’t always know what they were saying. but she just loooved the whole thing, and when she was in middle school she joined her school’s theatre department !

this is where the majority of her english skills came into play - she would memorize the lyrics, and though she didn’t really know what they were saying after a while she began to understand some words !! so while her pronunciation is pretty good from mimicking actors, she lacks the vocab to really use it !!

so she’s really hesitant to speak in english, because if people hear her speak they think she’s a lot more fluent than she is & it lands her in awkward situations !! so she mainly just ... doesn’t do that lol !!

i can’t believe i forgot this when i first wrote this !! this is a very vital part of her character omg !! her first “acting debut” if you could call it that was for a chocolate commercial when she was 8 !! basically she was in this christmas commercial for peppermint chocolates that got on tv and everyone in her town went crazy !! she like goes and delivers these chocolates while singing jingle bells and it’s wholesome and cute and swet !! it wasn’t that big at all lol but for their small town it was, and to them she’s a sort of small celebrity for it !! i’m sure some people might remember the commercial but notlike .... her yk ?? because that was her first and last role for a while lol !!

anyways !! she’s always been self-conscious of her looks - she felt like she wasn’t pretty enough, and limited her confidence. so at 16 she got 2 part-time jobs to begin saving up money, and at 17 she went to seoul to get a nose job & jaw reduction surgery.

and things seemed to be great after that !! she was confident, gaining more friends, but the real excitement came when her mom read online about an audition for legacy and jokingly asked if she wanted to do it. 

legacy had never even be on her radar !! she had always heard her friends talk about them for idols, but she had never thought of them as a company that accepted actresses. upon reading though, she was hooked !! she begged her parents, and they originally rejected the idea because they thought it was one of her phases. however, after much persuasion, they allowed her to attend auditions !!

she never expected to get in, she wanted to do it more as an experience than anything. but to say it was a shock was an understatement !! but she was so so incredibly happy.

had a hard time adjusting initially - she was only 17, and almost right after getting there she had to spend her birthday alone since she hadn’t made any friends yet. and although she’s naturally outgoing, it was really hard for her to be social at first because she was surrounded by so many more people than she was used to !!

for the past few years nari’s been doing general idol training, though that’s about to change !! she’s significantly improved her dance skills ( which were nearly nonexistent prior to training ) & gotten a lot better at her singing !! but her heart’s still deep into acting, and she knows that she wants to do that as well as some modeling !

she still suffers a lot with her self confidence, and there’s a lot of pressure for her to do well ! in school, because she’s the first of her family to go to university, and as a trainee, because she’s risked so much for it & doesn’t want to disappoint since her family has v high expectations for her !

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 :

a little lovebug !! she’s literally so loving and accepting of everyone - definitely, someone you can come to talk out any issues, she listens & provides support, free of any judgement !! also v keen on skinship i apologize in advance

she’s come out of her shell a lot since she got to seoul, but she’s still a little shy if she doesn’t know you well or is put in a situation w a lot of people !! pls be patient with her ^^

like max, she’s got a lot of energy in that little body !! but she actually has adhd so a lot of it isn’t really by choice. it frustrates her a lot because it limits her focus & has the tendency to make her restless. it was worse when she was younger, but has gotten better as she’s gotten older and she takes medicine to keep everything in check.

she’s also got v low self-confidence, she’s never been satisfied with herself and constantly wants to get better !! despite the surgeries, she’s still got a lot of insecurities both physically and not, but keeps them bottled up a lot bc she doesn’t want to burden others !! ( i want to shake her !! ) bc of that, she takes both criticism & compliments very seriously, she’ll turn all red if someone gives her the smallest compliment but will also overanalyze & judge herself if she gets critiqued. 

in fact her surgery’s almost made her more self-conscious, as she now feels that all the opportunities granted to her are because of her looks post-surgery. the worst insult she could get was she’s only succeeding because of her looks, because she’s worked so hard on her skills and she wants them to be what takes her forward, not something she had to pay to get.

despite that, she’s the true definition of a happy virus !! on the outside, she’s almost always smiling, and when all the other stuff doesn’t get in the way, she is on the inside too !! always trying to look on the optimistic side & give people a fresh perspective !

on that note she’s v childish, and sometimes she has to remind herself w younger trainees coming in she’s being seen as more of an example and needs to be ~serious~!!

the duality is real !! in performances, sad / angry scenes are actually her specialty, and right after she’ll just spring up and smile like what’s up guys !!! a lil creepy when she goes from sobbing to giggling so she’s learned to transition a little better lmao !!

she always wanted to be a youtuber, but never got the chance, and by the time she joined legacy she wasn’t allowed to have an account. so now she has these little vlogs she does to send her parents ! they’re mainly of her getting ready, hanging out with friends, and practicing ( all out of training hours, ofc ) so she can often be found seemingly talking to herself, even though she’s really recording videos !! 

though being an idol wasn’t her initial dream, she adores the music. her love for the kpop genre has made the last few years more bearable, and girl crush concepts are her absolute favorite !! she’s been religiously keeping up w future dreams like she’s still just a fan back at home, and you’ll catch her humming all around the company building !!

in fact, prior to joining legacy, she had a fan blog for all her faves where she would provide commentary called ri raves !! it was ... a sight !! 

she’s pansexual, and leaning towards girls !! it’s something she’s really shy about sharing bc of the fear of judgment, but if she tells you know you have all her trust !!

a little spoiled tbh !! she’s got the youngest child syndrome BAD, and since she was the only girl she’s used to things being done for her !! not in the bratty way, it’s just made her a little lazy and she loooooves attention and being doted on.

don’t let her appearance fool you though !! she’s got surprising strength ... strong woman do bong soon’s not her favorite show for no reason !!! all those years of defending herself from her brothers’ teasing had to come in handy, you know ?? we’ve got a black belt in hapkido here folks !!

definition of a theatre kid, starts bursting out into songs she loves out of nowhere omg it’s embarrassing ?? also overreacts about everything omg the world is on fire according to her !! she’s gotta faint dramatically !!!

she’s got the jeolla-do dialect, and prior to working on her standard dialect it was veeery prominent ! it makes her say a lot of words differently than someone from seoul might, and after realizing she was one of the only ones with it she’s been trying to make her speech sound more like standard korean nowadays.

she’s taken up sewing from her mom, and especially loves embroidery !! so she always loves upcycling & spicing her outfits up !!

definitely has a unique fashion sense because of it - in addition to that she’s very frugal, and favors thrifted clothing !! she’s got a mix of vintage, chic, and artsy style !

 a rule follower !! veeery unlike max, she tends to stick to the rules out of fear of what will happen if she doesn’t, because she has way too much on the line to quit now !

𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 :

acting buddies ?? i know there aren’t too many, but even if that’s not your muse’s preferred career path, any muses who have a passion for theatre are welcomed as well !!

someone who unlike her, is v wild and lives on the crazier side !! she’s constantly going into a responsible panic when they’re around and they’re always trying to get her to loosen up !!

someone who co-stars in her little vlogs to her family !! hey, if you can’t be youtubers for real you might as well pretend, right ??

someone who made her adjustment to seoul easier as she transitioned from country to city life !! they’ve lived in seoul for a long time / their whole life and know all the best spots to show her !!

someone who’s clothing she likes to spice up, she’s always embroidering or adding pattern to their clothes to give their outfit a little flair !

someone who knows her past her happy side, who she’s got on speed dial whenever she’s feeling down and needs someone to talk to, and vice versa !!

someone who she came out too, be it on purpose or by accident, and it’s caused her to grow really attached to them bc it’s one of the most personal things about her !

a girl she’s got a crush on but is terrified to tell !!! like yes you’re pretty .... but these things are never easy !!! she’s gonna tell you .... eventually !!

and ofc - exes, flirtationships, summer loves, anything of the sort !

someone she lowkey fangirls over ?? she still hasn’t accepted the fact that she & the other trainees are kinda on the same level, someone she’s kind of became a fan of and can’t really function around them ??

by some crazy chance, this person has come across her old kpop fan blog at one time or another and won’t !!! let !!! her !!! live !!! it !!! down !!! will you accept her bribe and swear to never bring it up again ??? please ???

someone she doesn’t like ??? this is v rare but ... for one reason or another, she can’t stand them and transforms to a completely diff person around them !!

someone who made the mistake of teasing her a little too much or insulted her so much that she just straight-up tries to take them down !!! v unexpectedly !! bonus if it’s someone way out of her fighting capabilities !!

more ideas coming when i create an official plots page !!

[igotyoukth]

Blanket Kick. BTS

Based on BTS’ old song Blanket Kick (이불킥)

Masterlist

Seokjin 

The problem wasn’t you being oblivious to Jin’s feelings. He was just really bad at expressing them. So bad that you even had the feeling, that he actually hated you. But with the other boys around, he was okay, kinda. 

“I didn’t expect to see reporters last night,” you told the seven boys. You had landed in Korea the other day, but as it wasn’t an official schedule, noone had expected to be filmed or photographed. 

“Yes, I wasn’t even wearing makeup!,” Jimin said loudly, but not really annoyed. 

“Tell me about it!,” you agreed with him,”I looked awful!”

“No, you did not,” Jin suddenly spoke. His voice was more serious than he intended, he really thought he told you that you looked pretty this way. But like always, he was misunderstood.

“I mean, nobody took pictures of you anyways.” If he was trying to save the situation, he was failing miserably. So yes, a very awkward silence followed. One that not even Hoseok nor Namjoon could save. So you excused yourself and left the boys alone.

“You better confess next time, I almost hit you right there,” Yoongi warned the oldest boy.

“Yes, Hyung. And I almost cried,” the Maknae said. 

Yoongi

There was a cup of coffee on your table. And you didn’t know where it came from. You looked around, but there was noone else with coffee and your colleagues told you they didn’t see a owner. A secret admirer wasn’t the first thing on your mind, because of some stories you had heard in the past. 

Stories about interns, who were fired, because they accidentally drank coffee that belonged to Yoongi. They were probably exaggerated, but you couldn’t risk it. And when your eyes found Yoongi’s you felt confirmation. He was already staring at you and the cup. 

“Is it yours?,” you asked him, when he didn’t look away. He just shook his head and continued his staring. 

There was another thing you heard before. Strange fan behaviour. Yes, Bighit scared the shit out of everyone with weird stories. And one was about dangerous deliveries. 

“Everyone, listen up!,” you yelled into the room,”this beverage has no owner, it’s probably dangerous!” And your co-workers, who also heard of these weird rumours stood all up and avoided the cup.

“Stop,” Yoongi spoke up,”I got it for you.” His sudden confession made everyone freeze. He walked over to you and grabbed the coffee. “I’ll throw it away, if you don’t want it.” 

“No, I mean thank you,” you said, still in shock. Yoongi handed you the cup back and nodded. “I’ll get you more in the future,” he added in a low voice.

Hoseok

Your job didn’t include the evaluation of Hoseok’s practice videos, but this didn’t stop him from sending you them anyways. So you cuddled into your bed and opened the last message he sent you. This didn’t feel like work to you, at all. Because his dancing was already perfect, all you had to do was enjoy the video and write a few compliments as “critique”. 

After you watched the video for ten times at least, you texted Hoseok. “You did great, your moves match the song perfectly.” You couldn’t add emojis or more compliments, because your pizza delivery just arrived and you had to hurry.

Feeling a little affected by your rather plain text, Hoseok only responded with “thanks.” 

The next day in the studio, you felt that he was acting off. He avoided you, pouted most of the time and snapped at the members. 

“Can you please use more emojis next time,” Jin whispered to you, when the boys took a break. You raised your brows questioningly. “Sunshine boy turned into thunder man, since you answered so uninterested and bored.” Jin mimicked an annoyed Hoseok, when he spoke the last part. 

You walked over to Hoseok and explained the situation. How much you enjoyed the video, but had little time to respond. And how texts couldn’t cover your liking anyways. It was enough to turn him into sunshine boy again. 

Namjoon

“The professor is in the front, Joon,” you whispered to Namjoon without looking at him. For the second time, you felt him stare at you from the side. He had asked you to join one of the lectures, he was interested in. But you were pretty sure, that he didn’t listen to it. He was being quite obvious with his feelings towards you. He looked at you very often, did a lot of aegyo, cutesy things and weirdly he found many opportunities to touch you. 

“Kim Namjoon,” you said once again, this time he was surprised by your voice. He let his pen fall and kicked the table in front of him. Of course, the noise was too loud for a lecture, so he turned many heads. Even the professor in the front paused a little. 

After it ended Namjoon was all smiles, he had spent a whole hour staring at you, he felt happy. “Today was so inspiring,” he told you.

“So we will listen to a song about schizophrenia then?,” you asked.

“What? Schizophrenia?”

“Yes, that’s what the lecture was about!,” you explained. “Ah, yes, the lecture,”he murmured.

Jimin

This was what people called a Some-Relationship. You were practically deep into it, but too scared for commitment. What was there to be scared of, you thought, you probably did everything by now, what other couples did as well. He picked you up from everywhere, told you how pretty you were and protected you from staring guys. You were almost there, but not yet. It was exhausting. So you decided to finally act, as the Mochi-boy was too scared to do so.

“Jimin! I’m so excited, just landed a blind date with a hot guy xx,” you texted him. But instead of Jimin, Taehyung was the one to text you back.

“What did you do, and why is my friend close to tears,” was his text. It was great to have Taehyung as a spy in the BTS dorms. Before you could respond, a text from Jimin came in.

“WOW! Have fun!,” you read. But again, Taehyung clarified the situation.

“Don’t trust his wows and wuhus, he is kicking the couch. STOP THIS!”

“Do you think the red dress we bought together is a good idea?,” you texted Jimin. Immediately Taehyung’s name popped on your screen. 

“Congratulations, he is driving to your place.”

Taehyung

“I’m not carrying you,” Taehyung said, looking at you sitting on the ground. Hiking had seemed like a great idea this morning, until you started doing it. 

“What’s so great about the top anyways, I’m walking back down!” He walked closer to you and took his water bottle out. He suddenly started counting and opening the bottle. 

“Okay, okay!,” you yelled and stood up, when you realized what he was doing. He was about to empty the bottle on your head, if you continued sitting. His square smile appeared on his face, when you glared at him. 

“Just a few more minutes,” he tried to soothe you. As if he didn’t just threaten you with a shower seconds ago.

You stomped past him and concentrated on your breathing. He joined your side and his elbows brushed you a here and there. And he hummed old songs, some you recognized, others you didn’t know. His voice harmonized with the birds chirping. Actually hiking wasn’t half bad with him. But you enjoyed teasing him. 

“We arrived!,” he yelled and ran the last meters to the viewing point. And it took your breath away. You felt embarassed, that you complained so much on the way. Beautiful trees, like miniatures filled the view in front of you and the blue sky was spread endlessly. And Taehyung was standing right in front of you, completing the perfect picture. 

“Now I can make a wish,” he said and closed his eyes. 

“What is it?”

“I can’t tell you.” And then he winked. 

Jungkook

You never thought, that this boy could talk this much. Or ask so many questions. But after he grew comfortable around you, he didn’t stop. You never heard so many how, why, what questions in such a short time. Physics, being your major, was a lot more interesting than you had assumed in the past. 

“I understand that planets are basically out there, but why? Why don’t they just fall down or crash into each other?” So planets were todays topic. You closed the book, you were reading, because you guessed that this would take a while. Namjoon, on the other couch did the same. He sometimes helped you out answering Jungkook’s never ending questions. 

“Because they all have their path,” you began, but Namjoon interrupted you. 

“These are things you can quickly google,” he told the younger one. But Jungkook ignored him. “How do they know their path? They are planets after all.”

“Well, there are laws with planets, like with everything else,” you continued, you enjoyed these Q&As with Jungkook,”but most importantly, there is an attraction between the planets and the sun.” You thought about it for a second, because Jungkook understood those things a lot better, when you used comparisons.

“It is plain attraction, if you want so. As long as you attract me, I won’t leave your side.” Your comment made Jungkook blush, he liked the idea of attracting you.

“I always thought it’s the other way around,” Namjoon said with a cheeky voice. And Jungkook blushed even harder. You threw your book in Namjoon’s direction and said,”Leave him alone! He only thinks of me as a walking lexicon.”

“No, Hyung is right,” Jungkook whispered. A little louder than he intended. 

“We have a confession here, I better leave you alone! Fighting, Maknae!”

[nunonabun]

If you don't mind answer (Since I'm loving you digging into other answers you give!) What do you think about the show's seemingly Anti-Adoption standpoint? Even when it's for the best interest of the child, or the mother's insistent on it, they seem to do everything they can to convince the mother otherwise. Even when the mother couldn't afford the child at all, and had a home lined up for them, they talked her out of it.

Thank you for the question! Sorry it’s taken me so long to reply to, I wanted to attempt a thorough answer but I had a lot going on, so it got a tad forgotten in the drafts.

Your ask is quite a toughie. I don’t know that I’d actually characterize the show as having an anti-adoption viewpoint, I think the show is often trying to be conscious of the way class and other social structures interacted with the adoption system at the time, while also trying to deal with other issues adoption raises. I think sometimes they do well with that, but sometimes, while trying to shine a light on one thing, they manage to fall into other biases. I’ll put the rest under a ‘read more’ as this did get a biiiit long.

Class had (and has, really) a big role in adoption, and views of who “deserved” to be a parent often had harmful impacts. It’s a complicated and difficult subject, and there are lots of factors that can come into play in each case, but shame and other pressures were often usedto essentially force poor and/or single mothers to give up children. Some children were outright taken from the biological mother (or couple, in some cases, though overwhelmingly judgement landed on single women) that wanted them and were trying to keep them. The choice wasn’t really a free choice as they often weren’t given the support they would need in order to make keeping the child a viable option for them, nor were they given support in thoroughly thinking through all of their options and deciding what they truly want. Also, young, single, working-class women were generally condemned for becoming pregnant and were often pressured to give the child up so that they could be given to a ‘better’ family (i.e. middle-class straight couple. Having a British background & being Christian did also come into it).  

Another aspect of portraying adoption is contending with the bias that a ‘real’ family is biological; that there’s some kind of innate bond between people who are biologically linked that is not present between those who aren’t (I’m going to call this the ‘biology bias’ for convenience’s sake). The elements of classism and biology bias (and bias against single parents, homophobia, racism, etc.) can interact in complex ways. Trying to realistically portray negative aspects of the adoption system that aren’t often talked about can result inseemingly playing into the ‘child should stay with their real family’ prejudice. Or it can both critique the class bias and buy into the biology bias. The latter case often takes the form of ‘well I guess the adoptive couple is providing a promising future for the child, it’s just a shame that it comes at the cost of a deeper/truer love, as the child would have had with the bio family’ in media portrayals. Or sometimes the inverse can happen (undercutting the biology bias but accepting the class bias) and you get an attribution of blame instead of an examination of how people are constrained by their situations in a way that couldbe resolved with good social supports, à la ‘those (lower-income) people were just bad parents who don’t deserve a child, the child should be given to a good (middle-class) couple.’ And plenty of other complex issues arise when the axes of race & nationality, physical & mental differences, gender, etc. come into play. It’s really a hard thing to navigate and communicate all of the elements that are wrapped up in adoption, and I’d say portrayals are often in the grey zone.

To disentangle the elements in CtM’s portrayals of adoption, I’m going togo ahead and take a little look at all of the examples of adoption in the show and try to examine what they’re aiming for and what I think they convey. Please feel free to point out if I’ve missed one or if you think I’ve missed elements of one portrayal or have misconstrued things. Strap in guys, this is hecking long. Or jump down to the Tl;dr, that’s fine too.

First, in 1x02, we have Mary, the Irish girl who came to London, was taken advantage of and pressured into prostitution and became pregnant. Jenny tries to help her, but as she is single, poor, still a child herself, and a prostitute, the child is removed from Mary (and in episode 4 we discover that that has seriously mentally scarred her, resulting in her taking someone else’s child in an attempt to regain what was taken from her.) Here we see pretty much exactly what I was talking about above. Society saw Mary as morally unfit (as being poor, a prostitute, and single & pregnant were judged to be personal failures/sins, and there was additional prejudice against Irish people), so there was no safety net for her, no public services provided so that she, even as poor and young as she was, could realistically raise the child if she wanted to. You could say it might be unjust to leave the child with Mary, given her circumstances, but I think CtM is showing that her circumstances didn’t have to be what they were. If she wasn’t judged so on a moral basis, she wouldn’t be condemned to continue in those circumstances and she wouldn’t have had her child taken from her against her will. If she had been given a free choice and support in making it and carrying it out, she may have kept the child or she may have given it up, but either way, the outcome for Mary wouldn’t have been as terrible as it was.  

The second case we see is Doris Aston, in 3x02. Doris is married and has a few children already, and reveals that her current pregnancy is likely the result of an affair with a black man. Obviously, her husband (who is white) will know she was unfaithful when the child is born, and she and the child will be at risk as her husband is abusive (it’s revealed throughout the episode that he is controlling and aggressive, even prior to learning of his wife’s infidelity.) In the end, the child (who Doris names Carole) is taken out of the house, with the husband threatening to kill Carole if she remains. Carole is taken to the Turners’ to foster and then sent on to her middle-class adoptive family.This episode is meant to shine a light on another pressure that results in women not having a free choice in life, particularly around sexuality and children. Divorce was heavily stigmatizedat the time, and it wasn’t easy for a woman to get a divorce from her husband if he didn’t agree to it, especially if the couple already had children together. Therefore, if a woman was unhappy in a marriage, or even suffering abuse, there wasn’t much recourse for her. Yes, in this situation Doris did cheat, but the circumstances of that are complicated. What’s more, as a result of it, she doesn’t really have a free choice in whether to keep her daughter (and sons) and leave her husband (which she wanted) or stay and work it out either with or without Carole. The only real choice she has is to give the child up and hope her husband a) doesn’t find and hurt the baby, b) isn’t violent towards her as a result of him learning about her infidelity, and c) that she can bury her emotions around Carole and essentially pretend she never existed/died at birth. So the episode is seeking to portray the way women, especially working-class women, were unjustly constrained; forced into choices they would not freely have made. Race is touched on only briefly, in that it’s the element that renders Doris’ infidelity evident, and also a mixed-race child is more difficult to place within the adoption system. This isn’t really explored much, as Carole is quickly adopted and we don’t actually really see how her being mixed affects this.An element of this episode that I think they mishandled was buying into the ‘true family is bio family’ prejudice via their attempt to portray the injustice Doris faced and sympathize with her. This mainly comes in near the end of the episode, where they reinforce the idea that Doris is Carole’s ‘real’ mother. Doris herself worries that Carole “won’t know I’m her mother,” and Sister Julienne says “If Carole searches for her mother one day, hopefully records will bring her to us,” Here I think the norm of just saying “mother” as though the adoptive mother Carole will have isn’t really her mother, is partially just because they’re showing that Doris does feel she is Carole’s mother and doesn’t actually want to give her up, however it does play into the biology bias. This is deeply reinforced when Vanessa Redgrave chimes in with a “[Doris] trusted in God that Carole would have a good life with good people who would give her the future she couldn’t. More than anything, she wished she could have kept her because whatever anyone else might feel, it couldn’t be what Doris felt. Her daughter was of and from her. They were a part of each other and always would be.” That could generously be interpreted as Mature Jenny just conveying what Doris believed, but even so, there’s a heavy narrative buy-in to that message, and the message is clearly ‘Doris wanted to keep her daughter and ought not to have been forced to give her up. Biology and gestation result in an inherent, unbreakable bond that cannot be replicated and it is therefore regrettable that Carole had to be given to a family that - though financially secure, potentially kind, and distant from the threat of violence - lack that bond.’ That message again seeks to convey the injustice of Doris’s situation and sympathize with her pain, but in doing so, it implies that adoptive families lack this deep, automatic bond forged via biology and are therefore inherently weaker. They may provide a more materially promising future for the child, but unfortunately, they aren’t as ‘true’ a family as a biologically linked one.Furthermore, Jenny says “[The adoption agency worker] spoke as though Doris had no link at all with her baby,” and notes that the adoptive parents requested no ongoing contact. These elements reinforce the portrayal of the adoption as cold and insufficiently recognizant of how the baby is ‘actually’ the biological mother’s. This bit is difficult, as Carole is not not Doris’s, and it’s totally fair for Doris to grieve for the loss of her daughter. Also, cutting off contact, not allowing any connection at all to the child’s birth family was commonly done and can be a very harmful practice. The adoption agency (and society at large) certainly thought Doris had no moral right to see Carole, as she chose to have an affair and is therefore a Bad Woman and a Bad Mother, and that is justly critiqued by the show. But I think, in this episode, the show is rather clumsy in its portrayal of this complex situation, and manages to imply that the adoptive family (and mother in particular) are kind of interlopers who are only a solution to a problem as opposed to being a potentially very loving family that is just as true of a family as a biological one. Where this reading is a bit shaken is that this is the start of the foreshadowing that the Turners will end up adopting a child, and their fostering of Carole for the night before she is adopted is shown in a very positive light. The whole scene is loving and sweet, and positive comments are made about Carole’s adoption (though sympathy is also extended to Doris.) So it’s a bit of a mixed bag, this episode. Overall I think that it does a good job with the class and sexism elements, but a poor job with handling the biology bias.

The third time adoption is portrayed (3x06), it’s more of a subplot that serves to introduce Shelagh and Patrick to the idea that adoption could be the answer to their desire to expand their family. Colin Monk, Tim’s friend, is revealed to be adopted. Learning this immediately prompts Shelagh to propose that she & Patrick pursue adoption to continue building their family. She comments: “I really don’t believe I’d have to carry a child inside my body for it to feel like ours. If I felt that, it would mean that loving Timothy has taught me nothing.” This is a firm rebuttal of the biology bias and it nicely links step and adoptive families, explicitly espousing a positive perspective on both.The episode does touch on the class & religious aspects too. Shelagh says that the adoption charity she went to was the Church of England Childrens’ Society, and notes: “I think they quite like the idea of us, a GP and a retired midwife. (…) As the lady [at the adoption agency] said, the children have already got off to a sorry start in life, they need the very best parents the agency can find them.” So, again, the show is bringing up the normative judgements around parenting, and the idea that a (straight) professional couple where the mother stays home is deemed morally deserving of children.The end of this episode also sees Patrick getting antsy about the conditions of adoption, correctly foreseeing that (in 3x07) his mental health struggles will cause the agency to deem him less deserving of a child (so here’s ableism coming in to play too.)Overall, I think these episodes did a good job with the adoption plot. They push back against the biology bias while also subtly highlighting who is deemed socially worthy of children in terms of class and health.

Fourth there’s 3x08, wherein the Turners adopt Angela. Here, the portrayal is overwhelmingly positive, with pretty much all of our excitement and sympathies going to the Turners, who are meeting their daughter for the first time. They’re excited about the news that they’re going to become parents in much the same way we see people on the show excited about an impending birth. Holding Angela for the first time (particularly with respect to Shelagh) is treated as having as much weight and love as any parent being handed their biological baby. Particularly, In The Mirror plays, a musical theme that has been used to score previous momentous transformations in Shelagh’s life (and Patrick’s, as those changes are often linked), Patrick says “here’s your mummy,” and Shelagh says “we have a daughter.” For me, that is slightly undercut by Shelagh saying “This is the closest I’m ever going to get to giving birth.” This implies that the experience is kind of a consolation prize, as close as they can get to what they’d ideally want; for Shelagh to carry and give birth to a child that is biologically theirs. I don’t think that’s necessarily what they meant to imply - especially given all the talk before and in later episodes about loving Angela as much as if she were biologically theirs - but that’s how that line read to me. But again, that is largely overwhelmed by the positive tone and emotions portrayed in that scene.Switching into the consideration of the other end of the equation, the biological mother, we have a very interesting choice to comment on the deeply uncomfortable situation that led to Angela becoming a Turner. When Patrick asks what she knows about the situation, Shelagh says: “Hardly anything, just that the mother is only 16 and she was meant to be taking the baby home with her, but at the last minute her parents changed their minds.” Timothy, always involved in the family building (another strong element of the portrayal) says “That’s terrible,” and Patrick reprimands him with a slightly curt “Tim.” Shelagh says, “That’s why they want a speedy settlement, to spare further trauma for those involved.” We, the viewers, are excited and happy about the Turners adopting, and then we’re hit with this slight insight into the other side of the equation. Though “our” family is getting its happy outcome, that results from a terrible thing having happened to a young, single girl (‘Miss Jones’.) We don’t know the class differential here, so there’s not much to work with, analysis-wise, on that front. Here, it’s more that Miss Jones doesn’t really have the option to contradict her parents in this society, which results in her being forced to give up the child she wanted to keep. So again the show highlights the lack of choice women (and girls) had, and hints at the moral judgements around who is worthy of being supported in their parenting project. Interestingly, this actually puts Shelagh (and Patrick, to some degree, though the whole plot really focusses more on Shelagh’s motherhood, which is a whole other discussion) a bit in the moral grey, as her (their) desire to have a child causes them to kind of callously brush past the injustice their daughter’s biological mother faced. Though that is slightly tempered by Shelagh noting that it’s felt that doing this all quickly is the least traumatic option, having her convey this information as they’re all rushing to pick up Angela really gets across how the injustices on the bio mother’s side of the picture just kind of get glossed over in the focus on joy of the adoptive family. We don’t take that bit more time to consider what actually results in the best outcome for all involved. That’s an interesting counterpoint to 3x02, where the adoptive family’s love and joy is glossed over by our focus on the sorrow and pain of Doris Aston. I would say though that 3x08 does a bit better at integrating all these elements, as the hurried discussion of the bio mother is, I think, clearly meant to bring us up short and make us consider that there are elements of injustice in this situation, whereas 3x02 doesn’t really give us much positive about the adoptive family. The following episode does give us some balance too, showing the Turners worrying about Angela’s biological mother while still clearly maintaining that Angela is as loved as she would be if she was biologically theirs. Shelagh and Patrick reflect on this together and with Timothy, and the ensemble decision is to send a letter to Angela’s biological mother (though administrative structures make it uncertain that the letter will reach her), giving her some closure as to what happened to the child she gave up. This serves to send the message that communication in the process of family-building is important, while also remaining grounded in a time where it was generally held that the best thing to do in an emotionally difficult situation was to not talk about it.

In the following episode, the Christmas special, we get the mother and baby home, which switches gear firmly into focussing on the judgement placed on unmarried women who become pregnant (especially young women) and the abuses these women (and girls) faced in the institutions they were sent to. First, there’s the fact that these institutions existed, largely tucked away to reinforce that falling pregnant outside of marriage is shameful and needs to be hidden. Then there’s the medical neglect within the home, the only staff being the Nonnatus volunteers and the drunken matron who runs the place. We see one case briefly where a baby is basically ripped from a young woman/girl who was not yet ready to say goodbye. Of our two main cases, we have one woman who decided to keep the baby though she was initially aloof and uncaring, and one who was totally comfortable giving the baby up and does so. I think a strong point of the episode was pointing out that whole Mother & Baby Home system is a result of and in many ways a reinforcement of the shaming and punishment of young, often poor, unmarried mothers for what was deemed a personal failing. We see this explicitly with Tim’s comment about “moral contagion,” wherein he’s voicing/testing out/subtly criticizing the mainstream view of the time. In England at the time, society operated on the idea that treating these women like any other pregnant women would be endorsing their sin/personal failing, and that would lead to a whole epidemic of this sort of thing, which would obviously be bad. So the episode as a whole is bringing that to light and critiquing it and the actions that resulted from it.On to the two main cases. One is a young woman/girl who decides to give her bio son up for adoption, saying that she’s happy to think that he’ll have a good life with people who love and want him and it’s the right choice for both of them. She is shown to have a supportive mother, indicating that sometimes, the choice was freer. The narrative is telling us that there were cases where - in spite of wider social prejudice against unmarried mothers - keeping the child would have been a viable option, but the bio mother decided that wasn’t what she wanted/what she judged to be the best outcome of the situation, and this is a perfectly fine choice to make.My feelings on the portrayal of the other young woman/girl are a bit more mixed. On the one hand, yes sometimes someone is totally set on giving up a child but their mind changes when confronted by the reality of the newborn. However, this storyline is a bit of an iffy trope and I think using it requires some delicacy. It’s very easy to fall into the ‘it’s your child and you will and ought to have a unique, automatic bond with it,’ which places a judgement on women who don’t automatically feel that bond, whether or not they want that child and whether or not they ultimately decide to keep that child. That normative view of bonding downplays the work that goes into bonding with a child and implicitly judges those whose bond is not automatic, as well as implying that there is a sort of bond that is exclusive to the person who gives birth to the child. On the plus side, that storyline directly contradicts the idea that these young women/girls don’t deserve to be mothers, and that is a point in its favour.On the whole, though I disagree with the ‘automatic bond’ portion of the one storyline, the episode benefits from having multiple storylines highlighting different elements within the overall focus on pregnant, unmarried young women/girls and the injustices they suffered as a result of sexism.

Sixth, we get the case of Marnie Wallace and Dot (and Eugene) Spenlow. Marnie and Dot are cousins, the former is poor, the latter is more middle-class. Marnie is pregnant and her husband has died fairly recently. She’s struggling with how she’s going to provide for this child as well as the children she already has. The main option is to give the child to Dot and her husband, who very much want a child but cannot have one biologically. This gets uncomfortable as Dot offers Marnie financial support on the condition that Marnie gives them the baby when it’s born. Marnie does this but is clearly unhappy about it. When we see Dot and Eugene with the baby, they seem fairly uncomfortable with caring for it/aren’t going about it as Marnie would, though they are happy. Marnie decides she can’t live with this and takes the baby back, and though Dot and Eugene are upset, they come to accept this and give her all the stuff they bought for the baby. I’m not entirely sure what the episode was going for. There’s the theme of poor women being forced to give up children out of financial necessity (lack of resources & support made available to them), and there’s the theme of family pressuring a woman to make certain decisions about her children. I think they were trying to highlight class dynamics, and that resulted in the episode portraying a more middle-class part of a family directly preying on a poorer family member and taking her child. My discomfort with that (and I think it’s a discomfort that many viewers had) is not around Marnie not deserving to have the support she needs to raise a child that she truly wants. Portraying class struggles has always been an important element of this show and a praiseworthy one. The reason this episode drew some criticism (at least, on tumblr), I think, is that the portrayal of the couple who cannot biologically have children feels malicious. It feels like the message being sent is that there’s something virtuous about being able to have children even when you “have nothing but love,” whereas the barren couple is materialistic, not naturally good at parenting like someone who can bear children and inherently unable to provide the love that the bio mum could give the baby. That Dot practically bribes Marnie to give her the baby borders on a caricature and makes me question why it was written this way, as opposed to, say, having Dot and Eugene being portrayed more sympathetically (i.e. not bribing Marnie, offering her help) and perhaps having Marnie struggle to communicate with them that she feels pressured into a choice that she’s not comfortable with. While the situation that was portrayed isn’t wildly out there in terms of things that could and probably do happen within families, the predatory portrayal of the Spenlows seems to condemn them for being unable to have children that are biologically theirs. And that’s not a super great message to send.Oh yeah, and Tom has some feelings about the fact that he was adopted. That part of the episode felt quite tacked on. I think they were trying to communicate that a person who was adopted may have complicated feelings about the circumstances leading to their adoption when they grow up. How do you process a situation in which your biological mother was forced to give you up, but you love and were & are very happy with your adoptive family? What if you just don’t know the circumstances in which you were given up but fear they were traumatic for your biological mother/family? I think those are all very good questions to explore and I would love to see the show do a good job of exploring them. This episode wasn’t it. Putting Tom questioning those things against the backdrop of Marnie and Dot, the negative message of their story casts a shadow over those questions such that, instead of really exploring them, you’re left with the feeling that the show is saying ‘yeah, that was probably a bad thing that you weren’t raised in your biological family.’ I think they tried to provide balance to this by having Tom maintain that he loved his family and had a very normal childhood and he didn’t even think about the fact of his adoption, but I don’t think it worked. I also think that positioning ‘I didn’t even question that I was adopted and never thought about the circumstances of my birth & bio parents’ as the sign of a positive outcome of adoption is problematic. A person can be curious about and care about their bio family and the circumstances that led to their adoption without that being a slap in the face of their adoptive family or a sign that they were/are unhappy/unsatisfied with their adoptive family. Overall, though there were a few good elements to this episode… it was a bit of a trainwreck.

Seventh, there’s the 2018 Christmas Special. In this episode, we get the case of Anthea (Tillerson) Sweeting, who was abused by her father throughout her life and was then turned out by her family when she became pregnant as a result of the abuse. She subsequently formed a family of her own composed of some children who are biologically hers, as well as some who are adopted and some who she (and her husband) are fostering. There is also the case of Linda & Selwyn, a couple living in a caravan who are preparing for the birth of a baby who is not biologically Selwyn’s. Their arc largely involves Linda escaping the cycle of self-blame and accepting that the man she loves and who loves her is fully committed accepting the child as his and continuing forward as a family. With both of these cases, the biology bias is directly contradicted. With the Tillerson/Sweeting situations, we compare a family where the biological father was abusive and the biological family as a whole failed to protect the children (though there are nuances as to the mother’s responsibility in a situation where she too was suffering abuse) to a strong, loving family where the degree of biological relatedness varies. Then with Linda & Selwyn, you have a family where the biological father is not in the picture and the non-biological father is shown to be loving and supportive and very likely a good father. The episode as a whole strongly communicates that it is the choice to love and the continued commitment to one another that makes a healthy family.  

Eighth and finally, we have the 2018 Christmas Special. I’m not going to go into the whole of May’s situation and its portrayal because there’s much to go into about fostering and, while fostering is related to adoption, it’s really a whole topic of its own. There’s also a discussion that could be had about religious institutions and their role in adoption, but that would really go into the role they have in childbirth as well and that is just a whole big other conversation we could have about the show. Also, frankly this reply is long as heck already and a million high fives to you if you’ve stuck with me this far. In this episode, we go to the Nonnatus Mother Ship House and learn that apparently, they run an orphanage. Sister Winifred has a nice storyline with a boy who has disabilities and is therefore unlikely to be adopted. It is shown that children like this were often pushed to the sides and not given the care they needed to flourish. They were also far less likely to be adopted because they have different needs from children without disabilities, so they’re not what people seek when adopting (or hope for when giving birth.) This was a strong point of the episode, as it highlights the ableism in society more generally and specifically within family-building and childcare. Then we have May, who is part of a group of orphans from Hong Kong whose adoptive parents do not show up to pick her up because the prospective father gets TB, so the Turners decide to take her to live with them as a foster child. We learn that May’s biological mother was a prostitute and struggled with addiction and that though she tried to keep May, in the end she couldn’t manage to care for her in the situation she was in. There’s lots going on here in terms of class, addiction, sex work, and international adoption (especially, in this case, the power differential between Hong Kong (a British colony) and the UK (the colonial power in this equation.)) Later in the episode (or possibly in the series), it’s mentioned that May isn’t fluently anglophone and the Turners will have to work on her English with her, but other than that, questions of race, culture, etc… aren’t really touched on. I hold out some hope that these will come up in the upcoming series but I think they could have been introduced a bit in this episode/series. Also on the subject of international adoption, we have the sad (and sadly mishandled) story of the Australian home children. These children were sent to Australia (and other Commonwealth countries) for adoption, but were actually treated more as a source of free labour on farms. We actually did see this mentioned at the end of a much earlier episode (4x01), where four children were left mostly alone in conditions of abject squalor due to a neglectful mother (that was pretty much played straight, we don’t really gain much insight as to what her story was) and after Nonnatus helps them, they’re sent off to Australia where they suffer further abuse. And this is repeated here, the pregnant woman in question loitering around the Mother House trying to gain the courage to enter the last place she was happy as a child and talk about the abuse she suffered when she was sent out from the orphanage within this program. I think there’s a positive to this, in that it’s shedding light on a dark aspect of history, but it seems like there may have been a larger point/concern they were trying to make about international adoption programs and the positives and negatives therein that just didn’t land.So overall, there was a lot going on in this episode, some positive elements around tackling ableism in adoption and orphanage care, and some missed elements in relation to international adoption programs.

Tl;dr (and it’s perfectly fine if you jump down here bctbh I wrote a whole freaking tome up there): Dismantling the notion that someone isn’t a “true” parent or isn’t “truly” a person’s child because there’s no biological link is massively important, as is dismantling the notion that you have this instant “natural” connection with your biological child (in terms of what that implies about non-genetic families, the judgement it holds about people who don’t bond instantly with their biological child, and that it erases the work of bonding.) Dismantling the biases about biological connections is helpful in pushing back against a variety of harmful views both within the context of families and family-building, and more broadly. (I’ve actually done some research into essentialist biases around genetics/”blood” and have some interesting papers on it, so please message me if you’re curious and would maybe like to nerd out about it.)

That being said, it’s also important to remember that not all of the choices around adoption are made freely. As with any form of family building, the social structures surrounding it shouldn’t be ignored. At the time, and even now, class, what is considered morally acceptable in a society, and family structure ideals all play into why children are removed from birth families, and which adoptive families they are placed with. They play a large role in who is given support in making, growing and sustaining a family, and who isn’t. Those structures largely favour(ed) straight, Christian, middle-class couples of British backgrounds and judged as worse or less deserving (or completely undeserving) gay, single, non-Christian and/or working-class people of non-British backgrounds.

It’s a really tricky subject, and trying to communicate that biology isn’t what makes you a parent while also showing how harmful the adoption process could be and how rooted it was (is) in unjust social norms & structures is important. I don’t think CtM always nails it, but I think the show benefits from tackling the subject multiple times, from some variety of perspectives, and with efforts at nuance.

[gtgrandom]

Where Young Justice: Outsiders went wrong

(And before you tell me to just stop watching if I don’t like it - I’ve been supporting the show since 2011 by creating a significant amount of content and giving back monetarily. I have every right to critique the writing, thank you).

Honestly, I think they pulled their act together in the finale, and this season left me much more satisfied than I anticipated. That being said, there are some issues I want to address.

Major flaws:

Overabundance of characters

Undeveloped Relationships

Lack of Continuity

Problematic Representation (getting better)

Weak Dialogue 

Lower Quality Animation

The Message

Overabundance of characters

I think we can all agree on this one. There were far too many characters in season 2, but season 3 is laughable. It’s hardly a story anymore. Instead it’s an episodic series featuring new heroes each episode to appease niche comic fans.

There’s a formula for a superhero show (and any group-oriented tale in general), and that’s having a central team of five or less. Then you can introduce one or two new characters max per episode as side characters or villains. But you always circle back to your main team. YJ did a nice job of this in season one. So did most CW superhero shows before they made the same mistake of expanding their cast to make their writing task easier. (Yes, easier - new characters means you can stop developing old ones, especially with time jumps).  YJ started to narrow down the team by the end of the season, but it still left many mains as side characters / aesthetics. 

It’s great seeing these characters brought to life - I won’t deny it. But you can’t delve deep if you have this many. You can’t focus on character development or meaningful relationship development (hence why nearly every ship was established off screen). Furthermore, you frustrate fans when you focus on one group more than another. With a smaller cast you can always count on appealing to your audience because their "fave” is always present in some way. In many ways, fans feel like they’re being dragged along simply waiting for their character to pop up because of a one time cameo. It’s not fair to the audience.

The relationships

I think the only romantic relationships we’ve seen develop on screen are:

Violet/Brion

Spitfire

SuperMartian

Robin/Zatanna

sort of Roy/Jade

- and all but one were introduced in season 1. 

The others were simply introduced as a couple with little to no previous interaction. Like:

Tim/Cassie

Dick/Babs

Jaime/Traci

Bart/Ed

Kaldur/Wyynde

Gardita

M’gann/La’gaan

Mal/Karen

That is not how you write romance. You don’t stick it in there for the sake of it. You have to show us why they work, how they got there, and why we should care.  I’m not saying there HAS to be romance, but if there is, it still has to be written well. 

Continuity

This begins to overlap into the next issue, which is continuity.  I understand that Outsiders is not necessarily a new chapter to Young Justice, but if you are going to call it Young Justice Season 3, then I expect story lines to bleed over beyond just villainous deeds.  

Let’s look at Dick Grayson, for instance.  He’s one of the only mains who has had a very consistent, though shallow, character arc throughout the series.  First he wants to lead, then fears it because of the sacrifices he would have to make - because he didn’t want to be Batman.  In season 2 though, he becomes his worst nightmare.  He risks the lives of his friends, lies to his team, and ends up losing his best friend anyway.  And in season 3, we actually get a little bit of continuity here with Dick mourning Wally and being afraid to take on another team after season 2.  It could have been expanded upon, but it was still present, and I applaud the writers for that.  Especially for driving home his leadership qualities at the end there.

Now, what about the other characters, specifically those introduced in season 2?  This season is called “Outsiders,” and yet, it seems to only focus on the original team and Violet’s new group.   

What about Bart’s entire arc of coming back, stopping the apocalypse, and then losing Wally, his mentor?  What about Jaime’s home life and the lasting effects of being turned into a villain who nearly killed all his friends?  What about TIM and his role as the new leader??  Where did that plotline go?? Why is the unfamiliar Beast Boy now the leader of this Outsiders group?  How did Ed overcome his anger issues and repair his relationship with his dad?  How did Jade go from being a supportive wife and mother into the opposite?   

The writers tried to avoid all these problems by giving us a time jump.  But that’s just lazy writing if you don’t take the time to answer how things have changed!    

Also, I’ve said this before, but continuity isn’t simply having characters mourn a dead character.  You can’t keep using that plot device to give heart to the narrative.  If that’s your only source of true pathos...and that character is dead...then you’ve got a problem. 

The representation

Okay, I’ll admit they saved their asses with Kaldur. I love my wholesome pansexual rep. Would I have preferred to see his relationship occur with a character we’d already been introduced to outside the comics? Yes. But I’ll take it.

Disappointed with Ed/Bart and Bluepulse. They could have shown us more, but they didn’t. They could have given us a story, but they didn’t.  And don’t hit me with “this is a children’s show - we’re lucky to get what we get” BS.  Because it’s not anymore.  This show is literally written by adults for adults.

I really don’t want to talk about the whole Halo/Harper kiss because it was just so wrong in so many ways, but it needs to be addressed. So, first of all, if you excuse cheating in any capacity, shame on you. I don’t care what the characters are going through or how old they are. You don’t both recognize that you have significant others and then proceed to make out!! Second, what the hell?? You’re going to have the first lgbt content be a bisexual stereotype of two girls cheating on their boyfriends (and two characters who have only interacted in one episode before??) Not to mention, underage drinking and gun use? That sends the wrong message to the audience, even if the teens were reprimanded.  

Also, Halo is supposedly non-binary, and yet they explained it away by technology, so idk, I’m hesitant to count it as legitimate rep. I still think it was a good discussion to have. But yeah...

Finally, Halo is not Muslim rep after all.  She’s a hijab wearing character, but she does not identify with her faith or her culture. She outright rejects it in her scene with Harper. So...what? Is she diversity points that you can continue to violently kill off over and over?  Not a fantastic way to treat POC. I don’t think the creators meant any harm by it, but it’s something they need to consider going forward.

(I do appreciate the number of POC characters that have been introduced however. Especially the Latinx and black characters. This show has improved its diversity. But without proper characterization, they’re sort of just...there).

Dialogue

I can’t be the only one who cringed through entire episodes this season?  Some episodes had stellar writing. But the bad ones were very, very bad.   Obviously, not every joke is going to stick the landing, but if you’re going to kill off your beloved comic relief character, you have to have a better backup plan.   

Like, do you guys remember how witty some of the lines from the pilot were?  The whole “Speedy” vs. “Kid Flash” debate in the opening sequence?  You can tell how much effort went into those scenes.  How much love was given to those characters. Because they knew that was their only chance to hook the audience, to get a green light for a full season.  So they put everything into character development and plot - and now they’ve lost so much of what made the show precious in the first place.  (It’s still precious, but it’s tainted in many ways for me now).

Animation

It’s gone downhill. That’s really all I can say without being mean.  Some episodes seem slightly better than others, but if you compare the animation from 3x01 to an episode like Failsafe...there’s just no comparison.  I could hardly watch Wally’s scene without frowning at the frame rate.

Message

I don’t understand what the show is telling us anymore (or I didn’t, before Black Lightning gave a very “on the nose” speech about what it is that we were supposed to take away from this season).

I mean this has always been an issue with the show, but at least it was a little clearer in season 1.  Then, we had several themes:

Found family (+ Actions speak louder than heritage)

Don’t call us sidekicks (AKA the kids can make a difference)

Secrets are poison (They can tear a team apart. Trust in friends)

Season 2 was a little convoluted...and sort of just recycled material. 

Secrets are poison (dammit, Dick)

You are in charge of your own destiny (Jaime/Connor)

Sacrifice (Kaldur, Artemis, Wally, Bart...they all gave something up for the greater good).

But what is the message of season 3?

Secrets are still poison (Tara, Violet, Batman v. Wonder Woman team)

I suppose it’s about healing and letting others in?  Like how  Brion and Victor have both worked through their anger?  Artemis and Jefferson and Dick and Gar sorting through their grief...somehow...off-screen...(except for the episode devoted to Artemis saying goodbye to Wally.)

Perhaps...accepting yourself?  (Victor, Violet, Brion, Connor?)

Do you see my issue here?  How much harder it is to see what I’m supposed to take away from the show now?  I’m not saying there aren’t any good messages being told, but they’re difficult to interpret.  Sometimes that can be good.  But this time I’m on the fence.

Conclusion

I love many of the characters from this show, but the fandom acts as if the writing is impeccable, and that’s just not true.  Not everything is bad.  Some of it is still miles beyond other animated television (looking at you vld).  And I genuinely enjoyed about half of the episodes this season. But I think it’s important to recognize the flaws in media, as a writer myself, and as a consumer of these shows.  

Plz be civil in the comments, and understand that this is only my opinion. 

[dreamworksconvict]

She-Ra: Racism Problem Pt. 3

Alright, time for part 3! This time we’ll be talking about Hordak.

Again, I’’ll be referring a lot to the same article from Pt. 2.I also will be referring to this 2-hour video by Lily Orchard. Trigger warnings for that video (and this article) as it has some white supremacist/neo-nazi imagery. The part I’ll mainly be referring to starts at 1:38:52. I’ll also refer to this article about “space racists.”

So last time we talked about Adora and the white savior trope. I want to jump right into discussing Hordak and the Not-So-Bad Colonizers trend in animation.

2. Hordak

Season 3 of She-Ra revealed that Hordak, literal commander of the Horde whose goal is to take over Etheria and wipe out the Princesses (aka, committing genocide), actually isn’t so bad of a guy! Sure he wants to murder people, but he really just has an inferiority complex to his older brother/original clone Horde Prime and has a deteriorating body akin to a disability (oof, like really... Noelle that’s so yikes, but that’s for a separate part), so that’s why he’s so mean! :( But it’s ok! Entrapta can change him through the Power of Friendship! uwu

...hey thanks, I hate it!

There is a strange yet somewhat predictable trend in popular kid’s animation right now where Space Colonizers are set up as the villains, committing unforgivable crimes, and then are somehow redeemed anyways. Well, let’s consider the article from Teen Vogue about white saviors again: “To this day, some people still latently believe what imperialists such as Rudyard Kipling said, that colonialism was important for everyone: the conqueror and, most importantly, the conquered. That without the colonizers, the colonized had no hope of survival.”

Now does every white person wake up and think this each morning before having cereal? No, not necessarily. Is every white person still responsible for perpetuating this norm? Yeah, pretty much! 

As I noted before, white people have been raised in a society where they have white privilege. Without even being cognizant of it, white people benefit from the labor and persecution of others. America, where the three shows I’ll discuss were primarily produced (VLD, Steven Universe, and of course She-Ra), came into being by taking land and resources and lives from Native Americans, and enslaving black people. White people in America have, since the beginning of this country’s inception, been taught that they are owed privileges. Rarely do American history classes take the gravitas of the country’s colonial legacy into consideration. When confronted with that reality, many white people will claim that they are different from the rest, or that they’re really not as bad as others who openly state their fervent desire to continue spreading an “American agenda” to the rest of the world. Yet oftentimes, these people do not challenge the very ideology that colonialism rests upon. 

Ok, so what does America’s colonial history have to do with cartoons?

Well, consider this: She-Ra, Voltron, and Steven Universe all have plots that center an Evil Colonial Entity from Space. They also feature victimized characters apologizing to those associated with the Evil Colonial Entity. Take Season 2 of Voltron, where Keith is revealed to be part-Galra and Allura, a black woman, apologizes to HIM for feeling unsettled by the revelation. Remember the situation with Glimmer apologizing to Adora in Season 1 Ep. 2? It’s the same thing. This article summarizes the situation with Allura, but I want to focus on this quote: 

“When I see characters like Bill and Allura being branded as “racist” for actions their white counterparts are never chastised for, it feels like these creators are laughing at us—like they’re sneering at me and every other black person out there who so desperately want to see ourselves reflected in our favourite shows and characters, saying “See, you’d be racist, too, if given the chance.””

VLD takes it even further by making the main villain secretly Honerva, an Altean, and then making her “motive” that she just wants to go back to the good ol’ days, and THEN talking her out of her evil ways at the end and THEN sacrificing her and Allura to fix everything....... The “victims of genocide were secretly the bad guys” plot twist is EXTREMELY antisemitic. (I hate it. I hate it sooooo much.)

Steven Universe does a similar thing, where the Diamonds, who had been established as the Evil Colonizers from Space (literally, they wanted to colonize and destroy life on Earth), get talked out of being Evil by Steven; it turns out they all just had a complicated family relationship, and that’s why they were colonizers...? Yeah don’t worry about the whole Cluster situation--you know the superweapon made up of the bodies of shattered gems? Or the whole shooting a superweapon at Earth to kill all the rebels. Or the fact that they’ve colonized other planets. Or the fact that Steven’s mom had a LITERAL HUMAN ZOO. (REBECCA!!!! WHAT!) 

There is a very good video essay critiquing Steven Universe on a variety of points, (the person who made it also has the same name as me so HECK YEAH) but I want to pull out a specific quote from it: 

“The deliberate scrubbing of the elements of fascism that make it so vile and horrible in the first place is done so people don’t have to think about things that make them uncomfortable.... There are very rare instances where these issues are openly presented... Steven Universe [and Voltron, and She-Ra are] one of those rare instances.... [yet] Sugar [and Lauren Montgomery, and Noelle Stevenson] spends the latter half of the series woobifying space fascists to a disturbing degree... To so thoroughly depict a fascist regime with a disturbing amount of accuracy, only to then turn and insist that they’re just misunderstood babs that need a hug...  war, abuse, genocide, these things cannot and should not be forgiven.”

On top of this being just deplorable on a basic human decency level, the fact of the matter is that these white creators simply do not understand, or perhaps are unwilling to understand, that colonialism, fascism, and genocide are all tied to white supremacy and antisemitism. To suddenly forgive regimes where this has been the norm is to say that systemic violence against people of color is ok, and that people who support or create this systemic violence are also ok. To claim that everyone can be just as bad as a fascist is disturbing and also ignores the fact that fascism targets people of color. To say that Allura’s distrust of Keith is somehow just as bad as the Galra’s imperialism is to ignore thousands of years of history. 

Hordak is the same: his character has been established as a ruthless leader (ie punishing Catra with death and/or banishment for not doing well enough), who wants to destroy life on Etheria (including the Princesses, their allies, and the land they live in, which is a common colonialist tactic--think about the NODAPL movement, where white people continue to destroy Native Americans’ land and resources). He demands respect, and keeps his plans to himself. He does not care how many soldiers he has to sacrifice, or the amount of people he needs to destroy, to get what he wants, which is to get MORE soldiers to Etheria to more effectively take over. He is, by all accounts, a fascist leader. To claim that Hordak just needs a friend and can be forgiven for his rampant colonialism and abuse IS RACIST. 

Fantasy stories may be fictitious, but they are still shaped by real-world ideologies. No one writes in a vacuum. White showrunners’ white guilt is incredibly palpable in these narratives. They are unwilling to acknowledge their place in the legacy of white supremacy.

On another note, it’s also harmful to assume that forgiveness is the right strategy for LGBTQIA+ audiences, too. The Steven Universe narrative claims that Steven considers the Diamonds family--well, sometimes family can be awful and abusive, or, in the case of Steven Universe, they can be evil dictators who want to destroy you and the rest of your family. Does that mean that you should put yourself at risk and “forgive” them? No! The same goes for VLD and She-Ra. 

I could write about this for days, but I’ll leave it at that. I want to end with a cartoon quote that actually makes fun of woobified villains: Avatar the Last Airbender (see the video on SU at 1:50:34). 

Aang: Maybe we can make some big pots of glue and then I can use gluebending to stick his [Firelord Ozai’s] arms and legs together so he can’t bend anymore!

Zuko: Yeah, then you can show him his baby pictures and all those happy memories will make him good again.

Aang: You really think that would work?

Zuko: NO!

[hellzyeahwebwieldingreviews]

Untold Tales of Spider-Man 06: The Doctor’s Dilemma – by Danny Fingeroth

An unexpected gem!

Dr. Bromwell grabs Peter by the arm and tells him he must talk to him about "his double life." But Bromwell hasn't stumbled on Pete's secret identity. He's talking about the dangers Pete gets into as a Daily Bugle photographer. He asks Peter, for May's sake, to give up the job. Although Peter has worried about the dangers himself, he stiffs Bromwell, saying "I'd appreciate it if you'd mind your own business, Doctor." Regretting every word, Peter goes into an unfair critique of Bromwell and a defense of his photography work. Taken aback, Bromwell gives Pete a new prescription for May and heads toward the door. Peter calls him back and apologizes. He tells him he has considered the dangers but still thinks the reward is worth the risk. Once Bromwell leaves, Peter changes to Spider-Man, eventually web-swinging to the pharmacy to fill May's prescription.

Back at his office, Bromwell can't stop thinking about Peter. Suddenly, he gets a brainstorm. He wants to give Peter a job in the sciences instead. First he goes to Metro Hospital and talks to Dr. Gordon, who saved May's life after Spider-Man brought in the needed ISO-36 (in Amazing Spider-Man #33, February 1966). Gordon reveals that, shortly after Spidey left, a beaten and bruised Peter appeared. Bromwell doesn't know what kind of deal Peter has with Spider-Man but he suspects the web-slinger is taking advantage of him.

Out web-slinging, Spidey comes upon "an eight-foot tall, four-foot wide gent in the green spandex suit" who is trashing an armored car. He is also "amazingly fast and as strong as the Hulk." When Spidey asks for a name, the giant comes up with "Impact," revealing that he volunteered for an experiment involving radioactive steroids (a combination just asking for trouble) for which he never got paid. Now paying himself in his own way, Impact slams Spidey against a wall and escapes.

The next day, Bromwell makes a house call and finds Peter all battered and bruised. He offers Pete a job in his own office helping with his research and lab work. Peter accepts. Aunt May overhears this conversation and is wracked with guilt for letting Peter risk his life taking pictures simply because they desperately needed the money.

So, Peter goes to work for Bromwell. There he researches steroids and finds out that Impact is Walter Cobb, a family man whose mind was warped by the experiment. As the days go by, Peter works at Bromwell's office, just missing catching up to Impact at his various crime scenes. Finally, Bromwell is called to the ER to help treat some victims of Impact's latest assault. As he leaves, Bromwell asks Peter to not go out for news photos. But Peter has to go out to stop Impact. Arriving at the scene,he finds Impact holding two hostages. The police bring out Impact's wife and kids to plead with him. It appears to work, with Impact releasing his hostages. Peter starts imagining a day when his work with Bromwell will lead to greater things than his web-swinging. Then a shot rings out and Impact goes on the rampage again. Spidey tries to calm him but he is too far gone. After pounding on the wall-crawler for a bit, Impact collapses. Bromwell is on the scene and pronounces the giant dead. As Spidey swings home, he reflects on it all. "Bromwell tells me that I should think about my aunt – like I don't do that enough. Impact shows me that there's a right way and a wrong way to try to help those you love. All these lessons! But...what am I supposed to learn from them? Where's the curriculum? Where's the syllabus?"

A great ending, right? But, oops, there's more! On his way home, Peter realizes that he could be as dead as Impact and decides to give up the webs. But at dinner, Aunt May tells him to keep doing what he's doing if it's what he wants to do. The next day, Bromwell waves the Daily Bugle at Peter, indicating the front page photo Pete took, and tells him he let him down, abandoning his lab work for the very work he begged him to avoid. He tells Peter that he has done all he can and that he's letting him go from his job. Pete can tell that Bromwell is hoping he will ask for another chance but Peter doesn't. He has come to completely understand that he does not become Spidey for thrills but to help people and that Uncle Ben and Aunt May would approve if they knew. Or, as he puts it, "Love the power. Guess I'll just have to live with the responsibility."

Had you told me that a Spidey story (and a prose story at that) about Doc Bromwell witten by Danny Fingeroth was going to be cracking I’d have never believed you.

Fingeroth’s body of Spidey work is a mixed bag to put it kindly. This is the man who wrote arguably the single best page of Mary Jane ever in Web of Spider-Man #6, eloquently summing up her emotional conflict regarding her romantic feelings for Spidey. But this is also the man who editorially mandated the creation of Maximum Carnage.

And yet here he doesn’t make a single misstep.

Okay that isn’t exactly true. His opening narration makes Peter sounds like a goddam psychopath. “Love the power. Hate the responsibility.” Er….that’s not exactly true, Peter has moments of enjoyment of his power and frustrations over the burdens it places upon him. But he doesn’t truly revel in his power and typically treats his responsibilities as simply something that HAS to be done moreso than something he resents doing. But that’s nothing compared to “…to take what I need. And to make anybody who gets in my way real sorry they got there.”

WTF dude! I was half expecting that the twist here was going to be that this wasn’t Peter speaking but it was. Fingeroth nicely bookends these sentiments by the end of the story but that doesn’t change the fact those sentiments shouldn’t be there in the first place.

You can maybe just handwave this as Peter being in a really bad mood and not believing what he is thinking. But I dunno, I suspect the real intent here was to clumsily set up something to BE bookended by the end of the story and more poignantly to smack the readers in the face with the central theme of the story. This lack of subtly rears its head again towards the end of the story when Fingeroth seriously spells out for us that Impact is a dark reflection of Spider-Man and the exact ways how. Everything the dialogue says is correct and Impact is actually a very good reflection of Spidey. But couldn’t Fingeroth have been a tad more subtle about it?

But other than that this story unto itself is pretty much flawless. I say unto itself because through no fault of Fingeroth the story’s placement withint he anthology is kind of weird. It clearly takes place after ASM #33 as there are very direct references and fallout from the Master Planner Trilogy. However the nature of the story also makes it highly unlikely to take place after ASM #39 because in that issue Peter is shaken by Bromwell informing him of just how frail Aunt May is. He pretty much tells Peter that if May learns his secret she will keel over dead. So this happens between ASM #33 and #39 but the Looter story clearly happens after ASM #36. Whilst far from inconceivable that this story could happen afterwards, because the last story with the Goblin was obviously tipping the hat to ASM #39-40 this story would’ve been better placed just before the Looter story. As is it’s oddly the THIRD story in this book to take place in this extremely small and specific gap of time after ASM #36 but before ASM #39.

Enough of the nitpicks though. I said this story was a gem and I stand by that.

What pleasantly surprised me most about this story was that Fingeroth seemed to be able to handle the prose format better than every other writer thus far sans perhaps DeFalco.

He wisely knows to emphasis the inner conflicts within the characters’ heads and play up the soap opera rather than leaning in on the action setpieces.

And yet there are two significant action set pieces in this story. Indeed the crux of the whole story REVOLVES around the physical danger Peter puts himself in by going into action. Fingeroth handled these deftly. The action wasn’t over explained and painted a clear picture in your head but didn’t linger too much. Sure you might feel things would be more interesting if you could actually see things but you aren’t drifting off as the writer belabors the combination of punches and kicks Spidey lands. It’s all very streamlined and designed to support the emotional arc of the story as opposed to the action being the point unto itself or simply the means to REACH a conclusion.

In this regard Fingeroth actually edges out DeFalco. Reading/listening through DeFalco’s story the action scenes can just be boiled down to Spidey fights some thugs, drags out the fight for pictures and then one them accidentally dies the specifics don’t matter even though we do get them.

Here Fingeroth forgoes the specifics to simply give you the broad beats to the fight (Impact throws a car, Spidey webs people to safety, etc) whilst ensuring he returns to Spidey’s inner thoughts and peppering in dialogue that is moving the plot and exploring the themes, even if it is simply lightly.

In a way this is a rare example of an action set piece that works BETTER in prose than it would visually. Sure Mark Bagley or Ron Frenz could embellish the fight scene to make it look cool, but the visions of a possible future Peter imagines are more potent and organic when we simply read his train of thought like this. Were it a comic such dialogue would come off as excessive or (if communicated through art) needlessly existential. Additionally as a villain goes Impact is fairly generic, but having him not have any visual presence mitigates that because his importance is more about what he is doing and why than having a dynamic appearance.

To go back to Bromwell, he’s developed more here than he’s been in over 55 years of Spider-History. Were he written like this in his appearances he might’ve become a more beloved character. What’s great is how organic his personality feels. We learn new stuff about him but it feels like a totally logical extrapolation of what little we saw of him in the 1960s. He is a quintessential doctor and Fingeroth lends him a surprising amount of nuance. He isn’t endlessly caring, he has his limits but even so the fact that he wanted Peter to ask him for a second chance at the end was a brilliant touch. It’s a small moment but it helps make Bromwell feel more multidimensional.

And because of this characterization the story earns the pathos of Peter letting him down. You feel sad for Bromwell and for Peter that things didn’t work out for both of them.

Aunt May is also done very well here. She is in typical Aunt May mode but Fingeroth chooses to make that the central conflict of the story rather than a background element. Refreshingly though the issue isn’t that May is on her deathbed, but rather the impact (if you pardon the pun) upon her if anything happens to Peter.  The story is almost a spiritual cousin to JMS’ opus ‘the Conversation’ in that it comes to a reasonable and positive resolution.

What in particular what holds this all together is the brilliant (yet rarely used) idea of treating Peter’s cover story as Spidey’s photographer as a metaphor for him being Spider-Man. It’s something that’s pretty clever when you think about it because the cover story means his loved ones go into relationships with him knowing he takes risks and potentially endangers them, just as if they knew he was Spidey.

Through treating the cover story as a metaphor Fingeroth is able to have Peter get a lot of feelings about being Spidey off of his chest. This chiefly comes in the form of his bookeneded confrontations with Bromwell, his angry (and highly unjustified) outburst at the start and his quiet resigned acceptance at the end.

Perhaps the best bi of narration in relation to Peter’s character was when Fingeroth spelled out that Peter might enjoy being Spidey but even if he didn’t he’d do it anyway because he was hooked on helping people. It eloquently emphasis the innate heroism and core of the character. And it does so in a nuanced way too as too often writers have Peter outright hate being Spider-Man or else cynically lean on the idea he’s a thrill junkie of some kind. Fingeroth gets that peter DOES like his work but that isn’t the reason he does it.

Nuance is actually the key word here. There is a lovely sequence where the story acknowledges that Peter might subconsciously be avoiding Impact out of a loss of confidence. It plays very realistically. How often in life has one bad moment shaken us up and made us hesitant to do things we previously did without even thinking about it.

Really I don’t know what else to say about this story that isn’t self-evident by just experiencing it for yourself.

Tiny issues aside it’s really quite excellent and highly recommended.

[blissfulalchemist]

Untitled FC5 Fic

First section of this long fic I’ve been writing. Willing to take any critiques, haven’t written much since high school. Idk where this is going yet cause it seems far from finished but idk. Any way hope someone out there enhoys it other than me. 

“You know I’m really excited to go on this trip with Jaxson and his brothers. We’ll have a lot of fun being in a cabin and it’s next to a nice river and lake,” Catalina looked over to her husband, Theo, driving their car down the highway trees and mountains passing them by. “I think I might swim in the river or maybe if the lake is clear enough we can have a little bit of night time fun?” She ran a hand up Theo’s leg, a coy smile on her lips. 

Theo chuckled and pushed her hand down glancing briefly at her with his brown eyes that were alight with laughter. “I know you say that now but you and I both know that won’t happen. You have a thing against things not being clean enough and worry about all the little things that could go wrong that never really do, so I’m not holding my breath on the skinny dipping you have in mind.” He placed a hand on Catlina’s stomach, “I am hoping that this trip will help in giving us a family.” They both smiled at the other and gave each other a quick kiss on the lips. 

They had been driving for almost eight hours and couldn’t wait until they got to their destination. They were planning on meeting up with Theo’s best friend Jaxson and his brothers for a getaway. It was going to last a month with little to no cell service and being so far from anyone that would even be considered a neighbor. Jaxson and his brothers had already made it there three weeks ago, leaving right after their last final for the semester. They planned to stay up there until it was time for them to go back to school. 

It was nearing the ninth hour of driving and both Theo and Catlina were getting hungry. Looking at a map Catlina pointed out a town a little off course but would easily get them back on track driving through the town. “Falls End looks like a place big enough for some kind of food. Even if it is bar food hell, even a gas station with snacks is better than nothing right?”

“Yeah and I could use getting a little gas in the car. I know we have enough to get there with it being another three hours away but better safe than sorry.” Theo said, taking the next exit keeping an eye out for other signs leading the way. “Hope County. That’s a cool name better than our county name honestly. Gives you a sense of hope doesn’t it.” 

Catlina rolled her eyes trying to hold back her smile. “You’re lucky I love-“

POP!

 The car started to slide and became hard to control. Theo tried to pull it off to the side of the road but couldn’t stop a car without tires before it flew through the guardrail over to a ditch on the side of the road. Catlina couldn’t do anything but hold onto whatever she could find she looked to Theo as she felt the car flip in the air. It didn’t make a full turn as it hit a tree and landed half on a rock half on solid ground. Both of them had passed out with the impact unaware of the groups of people watching from the tree line. 

One group came out from the passenger side of the vehicle in clothes all marked with a red cross symbol. They made to work getting the doors open and checking those inside making sure they were safe to move. Catlina started to come into consciousness and was trying to piece together what was happening. She heard the voices talking about her and Theo. 

“You think he’s worth taking. I don’t think he’ll even make it.” “Well he wants us to bring anyone we find. I say we get him and if he dies on the way we leave him behind. The girl will make it.” “You’re right.” She felt them tugging on her pulling her to the ground. She feebly tried to protest but in her state all she felt was pain. Then she heard a bang. “Look out! The sinners are here!” She heard scrambling and more what she guessed were gunshots. She weakly called for help but felt them pulling her up over their shoulders. “Leave him! We gotta go!” No they couldn’t leave Theo behind she thought. She had to make sure he could find her. She felt herself being jostled more as her carrier started to pick up speed. She reached for her ring hoping none of them were paying attention. It fell to the ground sparkling ever so slightly in the last fading of the sunset. Find me, she thought, hoping there was someway Theo would know. 

There was a whizzing right by her and her carrier. Another bullet went past them from the opposite direction. There was someone trying to get her from whoever her captors were running from. She lifted her head a little and saw a man with blonde hair and pale skin... Jaxson, with a rifle in his hands. What was he doing here?, she questioned as she felt herself succumb to the blackness of sleep again. 

Jaxson dropped his gun from firing position angrily. They were getting too far for him to shoot or even run after them without more risk to him. He would get Cat back he had to, just not today. He walked back to his brothers and other resistance members looking down when he saw the glimmer of Cat’s ring. He picked it up knowing Theo would want it once he woke up. The people he was with were already getting Theo out of the car and getting a makeshift stretcher ready for him. He didn’t look good and even Jaxson wondered if he would even make it. Standing over Theo Jaxson took the back position of the stretcher telling him determined, “Don’t worry man we got you now. We’ll take care of you I promise you. Then we’ll all get out of this mess.” Hopefully Catlina can remain herself long enough for us to get her back home.

There were bright lights, voices, shapes that looked like people, her throat and mouth were dry, and so much noise in her ears. Then the pain in her body, god the pain, was unbearable. 

“She’s waking up you have to put her under again” “No he wants to see her first” “Does she have to be in pain? He’s not going to get anything out of her anyway!” “Shush! He’s here move out of the way”

Catlina looked around trying to find whoever these people were talking about. Finally her eyes rested on a mans face. He had brown hair that looked like it was pulled back, yellow aviators, a beard, and...no shirt? There were markings on his body she couldn’t focus enough to know what they were though. Did he want to see and talk to her?

“Pain…” Was that her voice? It sounded so scratchy, “Or water...please?” Her breathing was labored and another wave of pain hit her. The man looked at her still. Was her voice to quiet? 

“She looks like someone I can use for our cause.” He placed a hand on her face wiping away something on her cheek. “Yes she’s going to be perfect. Where’s the man she was with? I’m sure he can also be of use to us.”

“We couldn’t get him. The sinners intervened and took him. Wasn’t much of a loss though I don’t think he was going to make it.” They had to be talking about Theo. What do they mean he wasn’t going to make it? Was he hurt that badly? And who took him? We’re the sinners the good guys or the bad guys?

“Father can we put her back to sleep? She’s in a lot of pain.” Please say yes. Maybe they’ll give me too much. I won’t ever have to wake up. Her body felt like it was burning and cold all at once, how much was physical and how much was psychological seemed to over lap too much.

“Yes, but keep me updated on her condition. Nothing stays hidden from me.” Her eyes closed as she felt the pain killers kick in and she was sucked back into darkness. 

[boymeetsweevil]

For Science 2/7

Grouping: Reader x Nerd!Jungkook

Word Count: ~8.6k lmao where is this going idek

Warnings/Themes: not much honestly just some good old fashioned heavy petting and dry humping :) because why not?

Summary: Jungkook asks you to let him watch you get off. For science.

part 1, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7

The next time you see Jungkook is a few days later when classes have started back up for the week. You spent a good 20 minutes that morning staring up at your ceiling wondering if today would be the day that the consequences of your drunken voyeurism party would come back to haunt you. Jungkook isn’t necessarily someone that can’t keep secrets, but given that he’s a bit of a novice when it comes to sex, you’re not sure whether he’ll keep his mouth shut. And as appealing as cutting class would have been, you can’t risk your grades in your junior year and with applications for jobs looming over your head with one year left.

When you emerge from the food court holding your lunch tray, you head to the patch of grass on the quad that you and the guys like to frequent. From the short distance away, you can see that Tae has just sat down to join Hoseok. Jungkook is nowhere to be found and you’re secretly glad you don’t have to deal with him watching you walk over. You give them a nod as you sit down, careful not to spill your food or the precious brownie wrapped up in the corner well of the tray.

“How was Friday night,” Tae asks over a mouthful of tuna sandwich.

“It was fine, why do you ask.” Your voice remains level as you unwrap your sandwich, but you don’t make eye contact.

“What do you mean ‘why’? Jungkook can’t handle his liquor and always throws up if he has more than one beer. Did he even make it to your apartment? No one heard anything from either of you for the whole weekend.”

“Yeah, I was thinking about that after the uber left,” Hoseok nods sympathetically.

“Shut up,” you laugh, throwing a crumpled wad of plastic wrap at him. “You weren’t thinking about anything. You were knocked out like your BAC was .9.”

“At least I wasn’t…”

“At least you weren’t what? Because whatever you’re going to critique me for, I didn’t do.”

“Didn’t do what,” Jungkook asks as he approaches the area where you’re all seated on the grass.

“Didn’t do you,” Hoseok snorts.

Jungkook pauses with his chicken nugget in midair. “What exactly are we talking about?”

“You don’t remember asking her to deflower you so you’d be a better lay for Yoori? Man, you really are a lightweight. I don’t get it. You’re tall and muscly, it makes no sense.”

“You really don’t remember?” Tae leans over to look at Jungkook with concern.

“I remember what I remember,” is all he says before digging into his lunch without another word. Your relief is short lived because the topic switches only slightly when Taehyung asks about Yoori.

“When did you say she was coming back, again?”

Jungkook’s eyes crinkle with subdued excitement. “She said she was coming back in a month.”

“Well, you’d better start working on that v-card issue then.”

“I’m sure that I’ll come up with some sort of solution,” he shrugs and pushes up his glasses with his middle finger. “Can you go back in line and get me more chicken nuggets, Hoseok?”

“Why me?”

“You’re the only one who’s done eating.” When Hoseok refuses to budge, Jungkook brandishes his ID card like it’s a thick wad of cash. “You can buy whatever you want while you’re up there. On me.”

“Deal,” he snatches the card away before turning to Tae. “Come stand in line with me.”

You turn to watch the two of them go, snorting at how much they resemble tweedle dee and tweedle dum.

“You couldn’t stand in line yourself, hotshot?”

“I just wanted to talk with you privately,” he mumbles while playing with the grass.

“Oh. Is it about this weekend?”

“Yeah. I’ve been giving it some thought and honestly...”

Here comes the rejection, you think. But technically you weren’t even dating, much less together, so how could you be getting rejected? And it was his idea in the first place, so he definitely can’t reject you. The thoughts come at you all at once, inundating you until you’re staring above his head at nothing, trying not to shriek in frustration.

“Hello? Where are you right now, Mars?” Jungkook lays a hand on your shoulder, breaking your reverie.

“What?”

“Did you hear what I said?”

“Uh. No, sorry. What did you say?” You raise your shoulder so his hand slides off on its own, bracing yourself for his next words.

“I said I think we should make it a weekend thing instead of just one day a week.”

“Really? Why?”

“Think about the math for starters. We’d meet maybe four more times if Yoori’s actually coming back in a month. But that’s not nearly enough time to test for variables or come up with a formula. Much less master technique. And think of all the instruments I still don’t have a good familiarity with.”

“Jungkook--”

“I figure with weekends, we could triple the amount of raw time we have. And if we’re really being sticklers for detail, we could more than triple the amount of practice situations if we operate under the assumption that it will be mainly just you acting as the test subject.” His hands flutter as he talks until they land like birds in his hair and turn it into a deranged looking nest.

“Jungkook.”

“I read on Sunday that vaginal orgasms can occur in series and since most of the sessions will be focused on you, we don’t have to factor in the more singular penile orgasms or refractory periods and--”

“Are you really talking about your dick like it’s a limiting reagent right now?”

“Yes,” he stops his rambling to look at you through his lenses, the glass making his eyes appear even rounder and shinier. “Should I not do that?”

“You know what? It’s fine. Weekends are fine. Everything’s fine.”

“Are you sure? Your voice is starting to sound a little...hysterical.”

“No, it’s really fine. I’ll just stay over at your place this week after Fortnite.”

“Crap, I forgot about Fortnite. We were so close to being able to compete in the town tournament.”

“It’s fine, just move it to another day of the week.”

“But how will I explain that to Tae and Hoseok without raising suspicion?”

You gnaw on the corner of your lip until an idea comes to you. “Just tell them that my test scores went down a lot and you have to tutor me. Happens to Hoseok all the time.”

“But there’s no way your results would go down enough for you to need tutoring all weekend long for a month’s worth of weekends. You’re way too smart for that.”

“Y-you think so?” His words make your cheeks warm up and you smile up at him shyly.

His brow furrows. “Of course you’re smart. You know that.”

“Obviously I know, but I…didn’t know you thought that way too.”

“I’d be crazy not to,” he smiles softly at you.

“Here are your damn nuggets, you lazy baby.”

A tray piled high with nuggets and baked goods comes crashing down from Hoseok’s hands with a scary accuracy into Jungkook’s lap. Hoseok never ceases to amaze you with the speed at which he can ruin a nice mood. There’s no sense in mourning a one-sided moment, though, so you just scoop up a stray nugget and nibble. Hoseok sits down roughly onto the green with chocolate stains around his mouth, the cherry tart in his hand seems to be his next victim. Jungkook chokes on a lettuce leaf.

“Just how much did you troglodytes buy!?”

“Not that much,” Tae looks guilty as he peels the wrapper off a drumstick ice cream cone.

“Don’t act like you can’t just reload the missing funds,” Hoseok points a syrupy finger in Jungkook’s direction, “You have that programming money, asshole.”

You shake your head and gesture for Tae to grab what he can and leave them to it.

The most daunting thing about the whole arrangement is that during the rest of the week Jungkook manages to act like he’s hasn’t come over to your apartment to watch and help you get off for the sake of being better lover to Yoori. He’s completely nonchalant in the way that he sits next to you when you all get together to strategize for robotics competitions, his elbow brushing yours the entire time. When Hoseok uses Jungkook’s newfound virginity again to knock him down a peg during a study session where he keeps mock-grading Hoseok’s answers down, he doesn’t bat an eyelash. It’s not like Jungkook has suddenly become cool, though. He still eats like a 5-year-old weight lifter. And he still falls asleep on the floor of Tae’s room only to wake up with the shape of his glasses imprinted onto his face. He still looks across the room with lightning speed and holds out his hand like he did when you were kids because he wants you on his team when you guys stumble upon a spontaneous Super Smash Bros being hosted in Tae’s dorm lobby. Jungkook is still just as much himself as he was before you spread your legs for him and you can’t tell if that makes you happy or sad.

Friday rolls around and you spend 2 hours more than usual getting ready for Fortnite at Jungkook’s. The funny part is that you never ‘got ready’ before. But now you’re taking a 40 minute shower to shave basically every hair that grows below your eyelashes and using the previously unopened lotion your mother bought you from the Clinique store a birthday ago. You even put on a mud mask you bought on a whim once and sing a little song called ‘this isn’t a date’ the whole time it dries on your face. By the time you leave your apartment to head over, your whole body is moisturized, glowing, hairless, and fragrant. You empty out your backpack and fill it with the things you’ll need for the weekend so as not to raise suspicion with an overnight bag. Though it’s significantly lighter because its not filled with textbooks and toolkits, you still feel like you’re carrying a huge weight on your shoulders as you knock on Jungkook’s door.

Taehyung is the first to greet you because he’s the one who gets sent to open the door.

“Weird,” he blurts out. He quickly regrets saying anything when your mouth drops open.

“I look weird?”

“I don’t know,” he studies you as you both make your way to small set up of consoles in the middle of the dorm’s living area. “Guys, doesn’t she look weird?”

“Excuse me. I don’t want to do this right now. Nothing’s weird.”

“You do look weird,” Hoseok chimes in and puts down his controller to stalk forward. “But your hair is doing that same…shape it always does. And you’re not, like, wearing something nice for a change.”

All you can do is gape at their rude comments as they circle around you.

“Kook, come check this out. She look different to you?”

Jungkook approaches slowly and looks you over with the rest of them. When it was just Taehyung and Hoseok, you could at least make angry eye contact and flick them in the forehead when they got too close. But with Jungkook also looking at you, it feels like you’re glued by your feet to the floor, unable to move.

“You don’t really look all that different. You smell a little different, though.”

The other two sniff the air before letting out matching yells of agreement and crowding you further to guess the smell. You have to give Hoseok a purple nurple when his nose starts to tickle your neck but you’re too exhausted to shake Taehyung off and endure him linking arms with you as you walk to your seats to continue sniffing your hairline.

“What’d you do? Run out of that dollar store lotion you use,” Hoseok jokes as he tosses you a controller.

“Yes,” you deadpan just to get him off your back. Jungkook scoots his chair next to yours, getting into the normal team pairings. When he gets close enough, you lean over, sheepish, and ask, “Do I smell weird? Be honest.”

“No,” he pats your thigh reassuringly before redirecting his gaze at the TV. “You smell good.”

Although you’re relieved that no one really questioned your slight change in presentation, you can’t settle fully into the game night because you’re practically vibrating with excited nerves. You’ve stayed the night with hookups in the sense that you were too tired to leave directly after a one night stand so you crashed with them in their beds and snuck out at dawn. But this would be different. While it wasn’t a full-on sleepover with a main squeeze, it was still better than doing the walk of shame from a stranger’s apartment at 6 am. And it would be a weekend with Jungkook. After a few hours of trying to hide the childlike smile on your face and having your character nearly die every round, the gang calls it quits.

“Hey, what’s up with you,” Hoseok calls from across the room. “Why do you suck at playing tonight?”

“Just thought it might be interesting to play like you do for a change,” you snark. Taehyung and Jungkook both grimace for Hoseok, who opts for flipping you the bird instead.

“You know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say this is just misplaced passion between us.”

“Good thing you know better.”

Thinking of Hoseok as anything other than an annoying friend has your skin crawling, but you do give him a pat on the back as a silent ‘good game’.

“Should we go out for ice cream? The night is still young. And you’re out of ice cream,” Taehyung calls from where is head is practically buried inside the freezer.

“Sorry, guys. I’m video calling with RealiCorp tomorrow at 8am about some software updates and I have to get to bed so I can be sharp.”

“You don’t have to come. We can get ice cream just the three of us,” Taehyung says as he slips on his shoes.

“I think I’m gonna have to take a rain check as well,” you perch yourself on the armrest of the couch facing the consoles. “I’m on a diet, so I think I’ll just go home.”

“And the reason you’re not getting up go now is?” Hoseok eyes how comfortable you look in your spot and raises an eyebrow.

“It’s dark outside and it’s not safe for me to walk back. I’m calling an uber.”

“Lame, but safety first, I guess.” He wraps an arm around Taehyung and pulls the door open. “You gonna treat your senior to a snow cone?”

You wait for their figures to disappear down the road before turning to look at Jungkook.

“You don’t really have a RealiCorp meeting.”

He grins. “How’d you know?”

“Easy. RealiCorp offices are in New York and 7pm their time is way too late for a minor business call.”

“You caught me. Are you really on a diet?”

“What do you think?” He snorts and raises his palms in surrender.

“I’m gonna go shower, but I’ll see you in a bit.”

You watch him retreat to the bathroom and suddenly you’re glad he’s gone because there is very little time before he watches you get off again.

Quickly you bring your bag to his bedroom and settle on his mattress and wait. To kill time, you look around the room. The superhero movie posters that cover a generous amount of the wall space and the wall length bookshelf that is covered with stacks of comic books depicting the same stories the movies do all scream ‘nerd’. So does the giant monitor with a large terminal blinking on it and pair of laptops on his desk. The laundry basket has three different shirts with Big Bang Theory quotes on them. You shake your head and recall the day you’d bought them for him off Etsy. You weren’t a fan of the show yourself but he loved to watch it for the jokes and to poke holes in the scientific jargon the characters would spew.

“You notice anything new,” he asks as he walks in, shutting the door behind him while he scrubs at his wet hair with a towel.

“No. Did you add something?”

“Yeah,” he says, pointing to the wall that holds the room’s sole window. There’s a large felt flag with the RealiCorp logo embroidered onto it.

“Oh. Nice flag.”

“Not that, that’s old.” He walks over and gestures a hand underneath the flag. Beneath the flag are a handful of photos off you, Taehyung, and Hoseok from over the years. You remember each of the specific moments in which they were taken.

“You’re not in any of them,” you murmur.

“I know. But I don’t need a picture of myself. I know what I looked like and what I was feeling. Having a photo of you guys is the main thing.”

The softness of his tone makes your heart ache. Jungkook is a sentimental genius, a rare breed. With every fiber of your being you wish that he could be yours. You’ve spent around a decade of your life loving him from afar despite the fact that you’re best friends. But you’re prepared to spend another decade doing it if that’s the way you can stay in each other’s lives. The sooner you commit to that fate, the less cloudy this weird thing you have going on will make your brain and the less it will hurt when it’s over and you watch Yoori get to have him.

“Oh, I have something for you.”

He retrieves a brown paper bag from under his desk and dumps the contents on the bed while you strip off your loose joggers. From the bag fall a giant tube of lubricant and a few sex toys. Your peer down at the trinkets with an amused expression while he putters around his room. When he sits down again, you finally take note of his outfit.

Junkgkook is in his mottled and self-distressed hoodie and threadbare sweats that his dad bought him from the school co-op when he got his acceptance letter 4 years ago. It’s an outfit you’re very familiar with because he often wears it whenever you all are dealing with messy things. Like oil changes, painting the exterior of fighter bots, or baking with Hoseok. Now that his hair isn’t soaking wet, he has his bangs pushed away from his face with a thin headband and sleek goggles replace his chunky black frames. You weren’t going to say anything but then you saw the small notebook and pen clutched in his grasp.

“Okay. What the hell is that outfit?”

“You act like you’ve never seen me in my researching clothes before.”

“I have, but you’re not dissecting a drone you found in a dumpster, you’re looking at my vagina.”

“Proper lab attire is an integral part of any successful experiment,” he waves an admonishing finger at you.

“You’re calling sweatpants with cheese stains on them ‘proper lab attire’?”

“This isn’t an efficient use of our time,” he huffs.

“Oh my god, okay fine.” The energy in the room is a little more chaotic than it was before but it provides you with the push needed to get your panties down and trapped around an ankle and you clambering into a half prone position. “Let the experimentation begin.”

Jungkook waits for you to part your knees before shuffling into his spot between your legs. He ducks his head to peer at your exposed folds before scribbling down some notes.

“What are you writing?”

“Nothing much. Just making note of the initial appearance so I can compare towards the end. Can I touch you? My hands are clean, I promise.”

“Uh, yeah, go ahead.”

Clearly he remembered more than he let on from that first night because he goes straight for your clit like you mentioned before. Slowly, he reaches a pointer finger out to poke. The sudden pressure, though light, has you jumping.

“Sorry,” he looks up at you from behind his frames, “I forgot how sensitive it is.”

“It’s okay,” you tell him as you focus your gaze on the ceiling. You’re trying hard to maintain a semblance of professionalism.

When his finger stops skimming, he’s a little too far south and you tell him so. He adjusts and manages to find it the second time around. He looks at your face carefully to gauge the reaction and is a little disappointed to see that you look bored. He tries circling his fingertip around the little nub, but the pressure is too light and almost ticklish. You snicker quietly and he gives up.

“This isn’t working. You don’t look like you’re having any fun,” he pouts.

“Kook, this isn’t about me. And this is supposed to be educational, not fun.”

“But its only educational for me if you’re having fun. What else can I do?

“What do you mean, you’re doing fine.”

“I did the finger thing and it didn’t do anything. All you did was laugh.”

“No one is laughing at you, though.”

“What about this,” he asks and you have to look back down to see what he’s talking about.

You realize he’s talking about the small bullet vibrator that lay amongst the things he brought in the brown paper bag. He holds it up to your face so you can get a better view of what it is. You look away, already very familiar with it because you have a blue version in the shoebox under your bed.

“Some people do use those to get off, that’s true.”

“Then let’s put this in. It has a USB in it. Will it collect data?”

“Slow your roll. That thing is more for direct clit stimulation than insertion. It’s the same thing I used on myself last time, remember?”

You watch him inspect it. He finds the power button and turns it onto its lowest setting. The low buzz fills the room and reminds you just what type of activities you’re engaging in. Without a warning he lays the vibrating toy where he thinks remembers your clit is. He’s right and the sudden vibrations have one of your legs kicking out involuntarily. You let out a yelp and try to scramble backwards, but the headboard keeps you in your spot.

“Fuck!”

Jungkook throws back his head and laughs. It’s the type of laugh he does where its strong and high and rolling. In most situations its infectious, but here you’re mad that he’s taking advantage of your natural reactions.

“Your leg did that last time too,” he giggles before quickly writing down your reaction. “This is fun.” 

He approaches you with the toy again, this time remembering to circle your clit like you had demonstrated before. You just barely keep a moan from escaping. This time your eyes roll into the back of your head at the feeling assaulting your clit.

“Wow,” he breathes.

Again, he hurries to jot everything down in quick script with his free hand. In the porn he’d watched, it seemed like all rubbing a woman’s clit would get you was a coy smile and a musical lilting moan. Your reaction was far more visceral than he had expected. The way your back arched upwards looked almost painful, but there was something graceful about the way your body just took over.

“Okay,” you say harshly. You can feel the pricks of sweat creeping along your hairline and spine. Your body thinks its getting sex soon, but its mistaken. “I think that’s enough learning for today.”

“Oh, come on. We only did one round,” he whines.

“Pfft. That wasn’t even one round. I didn’t cum.”

His nose scrunches in confusion as he jots that down. “You didn’t? Then what was all that flailing you did and the stuff with your face.”

“I’m just…responsive. That’s all.”

“Well, you can’t quit. We agreed to do this all weekend, remember?”

“I know,” you sigh, and cover your eyes with your hands, “Let’s…just move on, okay? What do you think the next step is?”

He frowns a little, the corners of his mouth turning down anxiously. He reaches for one of the toys he brought, a slightly larger than average size dildo, and clutches it in two hands before inching it towards your pelvis.

“No,” your hands come out quickly before he impales you. “Jungkook, think. What’s missing from this situation? Why might it be too early for that?”

“Hold on,” he asks picking up his pen and paper and pinning you with a quizzical look. “Say that again?”

“You can’t just jump to inserting foreign objects.”

He furrows his brows. You watch as his thinking face comes out: the cute scrunched nose, cute pursed lips, cute round eyes filled with confusion. After a few beats, he comes up with something, his fingers snapping with the small victory.

“If I were jerking off right now,” you fight to keep the image from surfacing in your head, “I would need to make sure the friction wouldn’t cause lacerations or inflammation. And I bought this.” He hands you the gaudy pink bottle of lube and you frown once you read the label. Upon further inspection, you can see that its actually just hand cream. Cherry scented.

“Partial credit,” you say, handing it back to him.

“What? Why?”

“Because it’s not real lube and I don’t want a yeast infection.”

“But this is the only one I got,” he pouts.

His dejected face makes you want to wrap him up in the duvet. There is a solution he’s not thinking of, and you suppose there’s no better time than the present for someone to learn about foreplay. The possible complications that could arise are present in the back of your mind, but you figure since you’re doing this all for Yoori, you should go big or go home.

“Jungkook, are you forgetting the vaginas are self-lubricating? That’s a rookie move, even for you.”

His bright smile returns. “How could I forget. But how do we jumpstart the lubrication process? What’s the catalyst?”

“Well, you have to be,” you search for an elegant word but can’t find one, “You have to be turned on.”

“Well, what do I have to do to turn you on?”

The question is innocent in and of itself. But the way that Jungkook tilts his head like an eager puppy, lip trapped between his even, white teeth, smelling like soap and safety makes your stomach do flip flops. He looks up at you, and ponders what it would take to get your folds to become sticky with arousal like they were last time. His hands fidget with the pen and notebook, clearly at a loss for ideas about what the next step is.

“I-it’s different for every person. But foreplay is generally the best way to work someone up.”

His pen moves at an impressive speed as he writes down your words. “Fourplay? Like the number four?”

“Not really, no. I mean if you adhere to, like, the four bases, then sure.”

“What bases?”

“You know what I mean. The bases. The four F’s.” When he merely blinks up at you, no recognition suddenly lighting up his eyes, you realize he’s way more inexperienced than you thought. “French, feel, finger, fuck? Never heard of them?”

“Nope,” he says.

“Okay. Um, it’s a baseball metaphor for sex. Or, more accurately, the events that can lead up to it and then sex. The first one, French, refers to french kissing.”

“What’s Feel stand for?”

“Feel as in feeling someone up or groping them. Finger is pretty straight forward, it stands for fingering but really could be anything you do with the hands. And I guess oral falls into that category too.”

“Fuck is the whole sex, right?”

“Yes, it’s…the whole sex. But maybe just call it sex from now on?”

“Right,” he says. “Which ones would you need in order to lubricate?”

Your cheeks heat. “They’re all pretty much fine for me. I mean the order is pretty appropriate.”

His expression slowly morphs into one of intense thought before it contorts again into nervousness. “I’ve only ever kissed someone once. In middle school. I don’t remember it, but I don’t think I was very good at it.”

“Well, we don’t have to if you’re—”

“No, no, I wanna do it. It’ll be good if we do this now, so I can spend the rest of the time improving. You can help me. I’m sure Yoori likes to kiss people as well,” he says resolutely.

You shake your head to dislodge the idea of Yoori sitting on a throne and watching the evening’s events play out.

“Okay. Maybe we should just focus on one at a time, then.”

“Yeah.”

He tries to shuffle up next to you with his notebook and pen, but you make him leave them by the foot of the bed, explaining that he likely won’t be able to take notes anyway. Once he’s sitting next to you by the pillows, he awkwardly turns to you, neck craned at an uncomfortable angle. You sigh. He’s really not doing anything to help build an ambiance and you have to do it all yourself. You start by reaching out to take off his lab goggles, trying not to laugh at the pink lines they left on his face.

“I can’t see,” he pipes up as soon as you become a blurry shape in front of him.

“You weren’t wearing your contacts under those?”

“I don’t wear contacts. They’re too much of a hassle. And the goggles have prescription in them. It’s easier that way.”

“It’s fine. Most people close their eyes for this anyway.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. It’s easier than trying to focus on someone’s face an inch in front of you. Plus, it feels nice so you just kind of…close them.”

He merely nods and you turn to face him fully. His eyes are squeezed shut and his shoulders are nearly brushing his ears with how tensely he’s holding them.

“Kook,” you whisper, “Why are you all hunched up?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I just got scared for a second. I don’t know.”

“It’s okay. There’s no need to worry.”

“How do these things normally begin?”

“Honestly? You just feel it coming when the mood is right. For now though, either one of us could just start.”

“Maybe I can start,” you’re surprised to hear him volunteering, “And you can take over if I get stuck.”

“Okay,” you whisper as he inches towards you.

You relax your jaw and let your eyes fall closed. Clearly he’s close or else you wouldn’t be able to smell his clean shower gel scent, but a few moments pass and he hasn’t done anything. You’re about to open your mouth to ask him if he’s alright when he finally swoops in and plants a swift peck on your lips before backing away. It was too fast to really be anything close to a kiss. More just a dry bump of lips. You open your eyes again to find him peering at your nervously.

“I got stuck,” he mumbles. Even though he’s a few months older than you, the small way he sits after having had his second kiss makes you feel powerful. Not superior, just capable of taking care of him and showing him ‘the ropes’, whatever they may be.

“That’s okay.” You reach a hand out to glide across his cheek and settle in the hair at the nape of his neck and guide him forward. “You’ll get the flow in no time.”

The kiss starts out dry once again, Jungkooks lips are still closed a bit tightly due to his clenched jaw. But some gentle strokes of the shell of his ear with your thumb help coax him into following the way your lips caress his as best he can. It is, admittedly, a bit awkward at first because his rhythm is off, and you can tell he’s frustrated when you open an eye to peek at him and spy his hands scraping at his knees. He tilts his head, nose brushing yours softly, and then suddenly things slot into place. He manages to sync up with you when he pivots a bit and traps your bottom lip. A little surprised breath leaves you as the kiss stops feeling so one-sided and he pushes forward, emboldened by your response. You let the kiss carry on for a while now that the locomotion seems stable enough to be self-sustained. It’s not until his hands bump against your knee for the third time that you pull back minutely.

“You know, in a situation like this,” you bring one of his hands to rest at the curve of your neck, “It’s okay to consider touching her too.”

He can only nod at you, eyes hooded and a little cross eyed as he tries to focus on your silhouette without his glasses, before licking his lips and edging back in. This time he takes the lead. It starts softly, but you definitely don’t mind. His hair feels like silk in between your fingers and the hand you lay on his ribcage doesn’t scare him off. In fact, he seems to want to even the playing field now that you have both your hands on him and moves his free hand to your waist. The weight of his hand feels heavy and hot, and the area of his grasp as his fingers splay out over you reminds you just how big they are. 

Jungkook, being as affectionate as he is, doesn’t need to be told he can wander and soon his hand starts to pet a path down your side and across the small of your back in a mindless, slightly oblong cycle. You can feel the butterflies you felt earlier in your belly getting replaced with a familiar pressure, a faithful precursor to the exact slickness between your thighs that started this heavy petting session. But you figure, there’s all weekend and you’re in no rush. If you had a little devil on your shoulder it would be telling you to draw things out, reminding you that learning is something that takes time, and Jungkook loves to learn more than anyone else you know.

Your pull away again slightly, opting for pressing small iterative kisses on his lips and he chases your mouth, not ready to stop. Pushing forward, you leave kisses like stepping stones until he gets the hint and allows you to guide him into lying propped up on his back.

“It’s easier like this. Easier than sitting up, I mean,” you mutter when you finally have him gazing up at you from the pillows. You lay a hand a few inches below his heart, feeling how it races as he lay under you. “It’s also easier for me too if I sit like this.”

“Right.”

He watches you intently as you swing a leg over so you can straddle him and sit yourself in his lap. As soon as do, his hands return to your waist and yours settle on his biceps. Neither of your keep your hands in your initial starting positions and soon your hands end up back in his hair again. A long while passes before you realize that you still haven’t quite reached the first F.

“Jungkook,” you breathe between kisses.

“Yes?”

“You know what French kissing is, right?”

“Y-yes.”

“Do you know how to do it? It might seem like a strange concept so if you want to skip—”

“No, I want to. I mean I want you to show me.”

“Okay.”

Keeping the mood is important, so you don’t jump into it right away. You’re very much aware that no one responds well to a tongue being shoved into their mouth. With that in mind, you kiss him like you did before, but sneak in a small swipe of the tip of your tongue against his bottom lip. He gasps and in the small moment of surprise, you probe a bit further. He gasps again when the muscle moves across his, but the movement is similar enough to how your lips molded against his earlier that it doesn’t take him too long to get the hang of it. When his tongue slides to edges of your teeth you can’t help but let out a tiny moan. Almost as if a switch was flipped, Jungkook’s arms come to wrap around you tightly, crashing you to his chest and he moves like he’s trying to devour you. At first, there’s a bit too much saliva, but with a well-placed hand on his jaw, you maneuver him into a pattern that’s a little less like a washing machine, but he gets too close-lipped. Another well-placed turn of his jaw puts him right on balance. It’s damn near perfect and, in truth, you’re certain that you could get off like this; with the slick sounds of your mouths working together and the sounds of his periodic gasps fill the room like a symphony underneath you. You dig your blunt nails into the muscle of his thigh and use all of your willpower not to beg him to let you pull down his pants and sink down on his length.

You plant a trail of kisses down his neck before pulling back, suffocating in your pullover. He blinks up slowly at you, about to ask if he overstepped his bounds, but then you grasp both his hands and bring them to where the hem of your baby tee ends. You’re about to take advantage of the whole ‘For Yoori’ situation, but you’re so desperate you don’t care that you’re being an ass.

“What is it?”

“Yoori might be the type of girl to want her boobs played with a little.” You reach behind yourself and under the shirt to unfasten the bra underneath. He squints and then his eyes grow wide as he watches you slide the bra off without ever lifting your shirt. “I mean, that always does the trick for me.”

With that, you lift his hands the last few inches until he’s cupping your breasts. He squeezes a little, tests the weight of them in each large hand. He’s fascinated at the way your nipples seem to appear from out of nowhere to push behind the fabric. He brushes his thumbs over the two peaks and smiles when you’re head drops forward and you scrabble to clutch at his shoulders.

“They’re soft,” his tone is dumbstruck and he squeezes again.

“Yeah, they are. Hey, if you pinch them, she might get really wet. Try--mmm--rolling them between your fingers.”

He heeds your suggestion and plays with your chest until you realize you’ve been grinding against his sweatpants covered leg, completely soaking the fabric with a growing dark spot.

“Looks like you’re ready,” he says softly, the wetness finally accumulating enough to be tangible. “Do we stop now?”

“Do you want to stop?”

He chews a bit on his lip and debates lying so he doesn’t seem needy before remembering it’s you he’s dealing with.

“No,” he finally says.

“We can keep going,” you pull him by his collar to help him sit up. “Are you comfortable like this?”

He nods before sitting up a little, dragging you with him as he moves. You settle back and then you’re pinning him with a look. Curiosity keeps you from immediately going back in to kiss him despite the fact that he just admitted to you that he wanted to continue. The air fills with challenge, the light experimental feeling replaced, and he senses it just like you do. He doesn’t try to steer things back to the way they were though, and instead he takes a moment to enter your space. His breath puffs against your cheek while he gathers his bearings.

“You said you can tell when the mood is the right one for a kiss.”

You hold your breath and think of what to say. Everything feels so fragile and you can practically see the way things are headed but you don’t want to break the tumultuous balance.

“Does right now seem like the right moment to you?”

“Yes.”

“Then do it.”

Jungkook is definitely a prodigy or something. Never in your life have you seen someone so good at picking up new skills as quickly as he does. This is something you’re familiar with and yet you still bury your hands in his shirt out of surprise when his own hand suddenly appears at the back of your neck to pull you in. He tilts his head and kisses you like he’s dehydrated and you’re a softly babbling stream. Each time his lips work over you, you feel as though he’s drinking, like he’s pulling something from you. Something you’ve been dying to have him accept from you for a long while. There’s something soft about the way his tongue slides over yours and it’s so tender and everything you want but its also not enough.

He’s solid underneath you and his skin feels almost feverish with how warm it is. There’s strength in the sinewy bundles that cord under your roaming touch and you want to see him put it to use on you so badly that it frustrates you and bleeds into your kiss. You forget where you are and nip at his lip harshly, though not enough to damage. You forget that you haven’t introduced Jungkook to the rougher parts of amorous activities until he tenses underneath you while letting out a low and guttural groan, hands clutching at your hips tightly and then releasing with a nervous flutter.

“Sorry,” he says shyly as his hands come to rest in the part of his lap that you’re not occupying.

“Why are you sorry? I’m the one that bit you.”

“I just meant sorry for…poking you” he can’t finish his sentence because his tongue is tied with embarrassment. You figure he’s talking about how he grabbed you when you bit him and brush it off. Then you feel him thick and hard, nudging your inner thigh.

“Oh. There’s no need to be sorry.”

“But this isn’t about me, this is about--”

“Jungkook,” you stop him with a light hand on his collarbone. “I know your main goal is to be able to please Yoori, but sex is a two-way street. You’re allowed to feel good too.”

“I—okay.” His shoulders are still rounded into himself in a way that makes it clear to you he’s still dwelling on his erection. On instinct you’re moving back in to plant soft kisses on his cheek. You know you’re blurring lines a little by doing so, but you want him to stop feeling so bad.

“Hey, it’s really not an issue. In fact,” you kiss your way to the plush corner of his pouting mouth, “We can really work with this. Let’s try something.”

“What are we going to—Oh!”

His breath leaves him in almost pained huff as you move to slot your dripping center over the bulge in his sweats. A moan sublimates between your mouths and you’re honestly not sure who it came from as you relish in the feel of the drag of the material against your clit. You press kisses to the line of his throat before sucking a bruise at the place where shoulder meets neck. The feeling of your tongue laving small cycles into his skin has his eyes fluttering shut.

After a certain age, Jungkook knew that despite having skipped a few grades, and never having an unweighted GPA of less than 4.46, there were things that  some of his peers were becoming aware of but would remain mysterious to him. A few petty classmates had also reminded him on a regular basis that he may only ever know the feeling of relief when it was supplied by his own lubed up right hand. It didn’t worry him much because he assumed that was the fate all those who devoted their lives to science until he watched his peers begin to date as well. Suddenly he was monitoring the freshman night lab by himself on Friday nights because his shift partner was going on dates.nQuickly after that, he was convinced that he’d never get to feel the warmth of another body under his palms. 

So as his hands move to stroke your up your sides to your ribs, over your breasts, and back down again while bucking up into your heat, he feels a swell of something towards you. It must be gratitude because you’re giving him a gift. The ability to feel and hold someone while they’re in the throes of an orgasm he produced. And because of this, he’ll be able to do it with Yoori, the girl of his dreams.

He opens his eyes to stare up at your face which is scrunched up in pleasure. It’s amazing, he notes, how easy it is to do all these new things with you. Even the initial fear of failure that he often gets with new subjects fades away in an instant when you put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

You’re warm above him and soft under his hands where he kneads at your chest. He flexes a thigh to give himself so leverage to hump up against you and you whine at the way he now presses firmly against your core. You bury your face in his neck and snap your hips forward. The abrupt onslaught of friction takes him by surprise and he’s coming in his pants after not ten minutes of dry humping with you in between his Thor sheets. The pleasure is so intense that his vision whites out as he cums and he throws all caution to wind as it rips through him. His arms wind around you and pull you closer, a whine leaving him as he slumps back into the pillows.

You fall back with him and let out a small ‘oof’. A quick glance at his sweat drenched and flushed face tells you he must have had a good time. Strong arms are still locked around your waist and the surprise of falling distracted you from chasing your own high, so you merely wriggle out of his grasp and sit back on your heels.

“Good?”

He gives you a wry smile that you usually only see when he’s been drinking. “Yeah.”

“Good,” you say as you hop of the bed and pull on your forgotten joggers before picking up your backpack.

“Wait! Where are you going?” His tone is open and clearly distressed. He fumbles for the prescription goggles that rest on the night table by the bed and shoves them onto his face roughly.

“To shower? My stuff is in my backpack.”

“Oh. Well…did you bring a sleeping bag?”

“No, but I brought a blanket and a pillow for the couch.”

“Don’t sleep on the couch,” you raise an incredulous brow and he backpedals. “We all spent 4 hours farting into that couch because no one wanted to pause the game.”

“Not me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” your face heats up. Whether or not you’re lying is none of his business and you’ll fart where you please without feeling shamed for it. “I’ll just sleep in here. I guess.”

Your time in the bathroom is stressful. Leaving his bedroom, you had a mean case of blue balls and you weren’t sure you could deal with them in his bathroom. It’s never something you imagined you’d have to do while you were at his place, though its not the first time you’ve spent the night or showered there. Game night can get long and you’ve spent many a night fighting Hoseok for hot water in Jungkook’s dorm. After some long and hard thinking about the long and hard thing in Jungkook’s pants, you decide he isn’t the only person who gets to do things for the first time and guide the detachable the shower head between your legs with a fist in your mouth to muffle your moans.

Jungkook is exactly where you left him when you return from the shower, but you can’t face him as you turn back the covers on your half of the bed.

“How was your shower?”

“It was a shower, it was fine.”

“Okay,” he says after a beat.

“I’ll try to be quiet when I leave for yoga. You can keep the light on if you’re not going to sleep right now.”

Up until you said that, Jungkook was tired, but he stays up until your breathing slows and deepens with sleep. It’s drastically different from the way your breath hitched loudly in the shower. He wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, he just wanted some water before bed. But there was something almost musical about the sounds of your choked off moans as you tried to be quiet in the bathroom. He’s proud to say that he didn’t linger once he realized what was going on. He went straight back to his room when his dick twitched in his pants.

Now that you’re asleep, he ventures out the clean himself up before returning. You’ve stolen his pillow to clutch over your face by the time he’s come back. Your pillow from home is still wedged safely under your head and he doesn’t want to wake you. He’s left with no other option than to rest his head on your stomach. If he doesn’t, he won’t sleep at all without a pillow and that’s no good. This is clearly the only solution. Clearly.

When you wake up the next morning 5 minutes before your alarm because you can’t breathe because there’s a giant weight on your chest. The weight is actually Jungkook and you’re not sure what to do. 

Apparently, you spend 5 minutes not sure what to do because your alarm starts, waking Jungkook with more confidence than you ever could. You watch with fascination as his eyes open slowly, and wriggling out from under you to wipe at the corners. He turns, resting his chin near your belly button and blinks sleepily at you, gears turning slowly before registering where he is and what he’s doing. You chance a small smile at him.

“Morning.”

“Good morning,” he says. His stare is intense and you wonder if maybe you look haggard or messy.

“What is it?”

He doesn’t respond and instead inches forward with a look of determination. When he’s an inch in front of your face you realize what he’s doing, but its too late to complain about morning breath or being late to Saturday morning yoga. 

It’s not long before he’s licking into your mouth slowly, giving you a chance to pull back, change the pace, tweak something. But there’s nothing to change. It doesn’t taste great but it feels amazing and your hands reach up to pull him down onto you without a thought. He groans and tentatively rubs his thumb over the swell of your breast that peeks through the side of your sleeveless sleep tank.

You miss yoga.

[winryofresembool]

Love Can Melt the Ice, ch. 19

Summary: Figure skating time! Part 2.

A/N: I’m not gonna say much this time. I just... really hope you guys will enjoy this one. It’s important. Thank you ♥

Previous chapters:  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 5.5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 pt 1, pt 2, 16, 17, 18

Next chapter: x

Companion pieces (note: these are all post Olympics happenings so reading the main fic first is recommended): 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

Words:4543 (yup. A monster)

Genre: hmmm.

Warnings: pls have your tooth brushes nearby.

Winry closed her eyes for a moment and peeked through the glass door again. Was she really seeing correctly? Ed? Talking with Mei Chang? Alone, without Al? What was he doing with her? There was no mistaking him, though; she could clearly see his long golden mane, the crutches in his hands and the cast in his left leg.

She knew they hadn’t seen her yet and tried to figure out how to get out of the arena without being noticed. If she just marched out there and asked what was going on, she would probably get to hear a bunch of lies, making the situation even worse. Still, she couldn’t stand behind the door either; people were coming in and out, and she’d get caught staring. She decided to use another exit on the other side of the arena, casting one last look towards the door before biting her lip and turning away.

Had Winry stayed 10 seconds longer, she would have seen Al joining Ed and Mei, giving Mei something as he arrived. Not long after, the group separated, Ed leaving towards the hotel, Al and Mei towards a restaurant. But she didn’t see any of that, so her mind was racing 120 km/hour as she took the longer route to another exit.

One, a small part of her was yelling extremely loud curses in her head, but the rational part of her tried to convince her that what she had just seen meant nothing. Maybe Ed had just been waiting to see her and accidentally bumped into Mei. Winry knew Mei well enough to know she was very familiar with hockey, so maybe she had recognized Ed and wanted to introduce herself. Besides, after the sweet, private moments in her room, would Ed really just ignore all that? That didn’t seem like something he would do.

Winry realized that if she was going to make this, what could be a beginning of a meaningful relationship, work, she had to trust him. And in the end, nothing about the meeting she had witnessed had suggested anything more than a friendly encounter. But still, where had Al been? And why had she smiled so widely at him? And why did all of this have to happen now that she was supposed to focus on her competition and they were going to leave to their home country in only a few days?

When Winry got back into her hotel room, she decided to do what best calmed down her mind; drawing blueprints for her next mechanical project. When she began drawing, she had no idea what she wanted to make, but soon the sketch started to become clearer; it resembled an arm. At first she thought she was unconsciously drawing the exact copy of Ed’s automail arm, but at closer inspection she realized it looked different. It looked more like the person whom she was imagining using it; a flame symbol decorated the top plate, reminding her of his fierce nature. Even though the material she wanted to use for this automail was lighter than the one he was now using, the layers it had made it stronger. She had to admit, she quite liked how it ended up looking.

Just when she was putting away her pencils and erasers, her phone started ringing.

“Granny! Hi! How are you doing?” Winry had been thinking about her grandmother quite a lot for the past few days, so hearing her familiar voice made her feel better.

“I’m doing just fine, dear. But I must say, I am slightly surprised you haven’t called me since the team event. I hope everything’s fine there, though, because it’s not like you to ignore your grandmother.”

“E-everything’s alright! I hope you saw my performance today. Only 0,10 points from the lead!”

“I saw it! You looked wonderful out there. But you don’t sound very convincing, I hope it really is alright.”

“It’s… a long story. Granny, I… like someone.”

“Really? Now that’s a surprise. I thought you are so into your sport you don’t have time for anything else.”

“Yeah… I kinda thought so too. So, do you remember Edward Elric from Resembool? Our ex neighbor?”

“Of course I do! You guys were always at it, fighting with each other all the time, but if someone dared to say a bad word about you, he was always there to defend you.” Pinako smiled at her memory. “Have you seen him there? Doesn’t he play hockey these days?”

“Yes, I have, and he does… You see… He’s kinda the person I like. And I think he likes me too.”

“Oh! Well, if he’s anything like his parents, I’m sure he’s a decent person.”

“He is… Only, today I saw him talking with my rival and… I don’t know what to think about it. I mean, it probably was nothing, but… I got jealous.”

“If he is in his right mind, he doesn’t even look at anyone else when he could have my granddaughter. Don’t worry, Winry. If that bothers you, why don’t you just ask him?”

“I already had one opportunity, but I chickened… And I can’t ask him now because I said we should keep some distance between us until my competition is over.”

“You have put yourself in quite a situation. But my advice is that just talk with him. That way you’ll know what exactly happened.”

“Right. Thanks, granny.”

“No problem.”

After saying her worries aloud, Winry realized how silly they must have sounded. After all, it wasn’t like Ed wasn’t allowed to talk with other girls. That’s why she decided to change the topic: “Hey, listen! I just drew some blueprints for an automail and I’d like you to take a look at it. I’ll send you a photo and you can then tell me your opinion on it!”

The grandmother and granddaughter spent the rest of the evening discussing Winry’s automail, Pinako giving Winry some advice and improvement suggestions and Winry doing the necessary changes. By the end of the evening, she was feeling like herself again, and was already imagining how Ed would react when she’d show him the blueprints.

 …

 “Next up, performing her free program, Winry Rockbell!”

Winry inhaled and exhaled deeply and shook her limbs to warm the muscles up before finally stepping on the ice. She had thought the previous performances would have calmed her nerves a bit, but as she was waiting for the music to start playing, she realized that this was every bit as hard as it had been earlier. Maybe even harder in a certain sense. The reason for that was sitting in the stands, or at least she assumed he did. For some reason, knowing that he was watching, made this performance more personal.

When Garfiel, who usually made Winry’s choreographies, had suggested her free program would have a romantic theme, Winry hadn’t liked the idea. Romantic love had always been a foreign area to her, and she had never even officially dated anyone even though the reason for that wasn’t the lack of interested people. It was the lack of interesting people. The few times she had been on dates, she had noticed the other person was on a totally different wave length from her, not caring about the same things she did, or asking her out simply because they had recognized her from TV. Sometimes she had wondered if there was something wrong with her, or if she was simply an a-sexual, but she hadn’t gotten answers to her questions until she arrived in the Olympic venue.

Was it love she was feeling towards Ed? Winry had always been one to think that real love didn’t strike anyone that fast, but when she had told Ed she was falling for him, she had meant it. She might not be quite there yet, but she was on her way. The thought of getting to spend more time with him and learn to know him even better excited her. On the other hand, she had felt jealous when she saw Ed with Mei, which was an emotion only familiar to her from her childhood when she had seen her classmates getting hugs and kisses from their parents, and she had only had her grandmother. She knew Ed could be a tough person to handle on his worst days, but somehow, she believed the good days would win them 100-0. If he gave her a chance…

Because of all this, she felt she understood the character she was acting in her performance a lot better now. Earlier, she had often gotten critique for performing the elements cleanly but lacking in the emotion department. The audience would see a robot doing what she was supposed to do, not having any emotional connection with the performance. Now, she wished that she could use her recent experiences to build a believable story that did move something in the audience’s hearts.

She quickly tested that her hair and the bright red dress with a lot of glitter on it (Garfiel’s idea) were where they were supposed to be and finally heard the first sounds of the romantic song starting to play, meaning it was go-time.

The first element in her free program was a triple Lutz – triple toe loop combination. She managed to land it cleanly, but was worried her body language was screaming she didn’t know what to do… If only she’d get the three first jump elements out of the way, then she could breathe a bit. The step sequences and spins had always been more of her thing.

Double Axel. Done! And she felt she would have had enough speed to keep on rotating but decided to not risk it this time. There would be a time and place for a surprise factor later on…

Then came the final jumps of the first half of her performance, a triple Salchow – triple toe loop combination. Unfortunately, Winry had gotten a bit too confident after the double Axel, and she slipped a bit between the jumps, having to cut the rotation short and making it only double toe loop. Not a big loss, considering she still hadn’t fallen or otherwise failed, but it still bummed her for a moment.

She didn’t have time to get stuck on that one slight slip, though, because she already needed to start focusing on the first spin. It was successful, and finally she managed to make herself smile a bit as she moved onto the step sequence. Even though step sequences had always been her favorite part of her programs, she found this particular one challenging because she was supposed to express the happiness of having met someone special. Now she understood that emotion better, though, and the audience oohed and aahed with excitement as they watched her move swiftly, the smile coming from her heart instead of being forced.

…

“How the hell did she do that?” Ed asked as Al and he were watching Winry performing a triple flip – double toe loop – double loop combination. To Ed even one jump was amazing, to perform 3 of them in a row was beyond his understanding.

“It’s called routine, brother, she has practiced that for years,” Al stated. It was really amusing to watch how into Ed could get into this sport he knew nothing about, all because of that young woman who was currently gliding on the ice. If he was honest, Ed was the last person he would have expected to see in such a situation, but it was a nice change, and he could see it was doing good to his brother.

Ed yelled proudly when he saw Winry perform another jump, triple Lutz this time, then turned to look at Al briefly:

“Do you think she has a chance of winning this?”

“It is going well, I don’t see why not. But the competition is tough.”

“Right.”

“Hold on a sec.” Al held his breath for a moment when Winry was in the air again. “That isn’t… yup, it is! Triple Axel!”

Ed didn’t really know what a triple Axel was, or how it differed from the other jumps (he made a mental note to learn more about it later), but it must have been something awesome because the entire audience around him was roaring with excitement.

“W-what?” he asked.

“Brother, you really should do some studying on figure skating… Only a few female skaters have managed to land it successfully in a competition. She did it in the team event here, but I believe that’s when she got hurt… But based on her reactions there were no issues this time! Now she REALLY has a chance of winning!”

Ed focused his attention on Winry’s facial expressions and noticed that she really did seem like a huge weight had fallen from her shoulders as she was performing a choreographic sequence. In fact, her expression looked a lot like the one he had only seen on her face when they had been alone in her room. But why would she…

“Uh, Al? What do you think this performance is about?” he asked suddenly.

“Isn’t it obvious? It’s a love story, she meets someone and shows her love for that person.”

“Really?”

“Definitely.”

Ed felt a blush spreading on his face as he took Al’s words in. Suddenly focusing on the performance felt a bit harder. He did see her jump one last time (Al did say the jump’s name but he missed it) and do the spin combination that finished the routine, but his mind was elsewhere. He would have to tell her about his decision soon.

…

“Congratulations, dear, that was a fantastic performance! I am so proud of you! And that triple Axel? Only you would have had guts to do that again after what happened the last time! But the risk was worth it!”

“Thank you, Garfiel!” Winry said as she hugged her coach. “I felt… I needed to prove myself I could do it even though I would have probably done just fine even with a double Axel… “

“To me it looked like you also did a lot better job portraying the emotions of your character… Is there any specific reason for that?”

“Uhh… nothing you need to know right now… I’ll tell you some other time,” Winry answered awkwardly.

Winry barely had time to take a breath after pulling away from Garfiel when two new sets of arms surrounded her.

“If that isn’t a gold winning performance, I don’t know what is!” Paninya squeeled and Rosé agreed with her.

“Oh, come on, guys, you are not here to celebrate me, you are my rivals!” Winry scolded them. “Now, if you don’t go back to your preparations, I’m gonna kick your asses. And Garfiel, we need to go, they are gonna announce the points any minute now.”

They sat down on their seats, and sure enough, only a few moments later the announcer yelled:

“And Winry Rockbell’s points are… 150,15! Together with the short program, that makes 232,10 points! What an astounding performance! That is her personal best!”

“Wow…” was all Winry could say.

“Winry, my dear… I think a new champion has risen.” Garfiel said next to her.

…

Paninya and Rosé’s turn was soon after, and both succeeded well with their performances. Paninya got her personal best score and Rosé got her seasonal best as well. The two of them were already ready to celebrate Winry’s victory when it was Mei Chang’s turn, and they held their breaths (probably more nervous than Winry herself) as she performed. The audience reacted loudly to her elements and it was clear everything was going according to Mei’s plan.

A few minutes later, her points were announced: 148,5. Together with the short program, that wasn’t enough to top Winry. She couldn’t help but smile a bit, remembering what she had seen the day before. This also Winry really had a chance of winning the entire competition.

The last skater of the night, and Winry’s biggest challenger, was Lan Fan from Xing. She had gotten just slightly better points than Winry in the short program, but she was known to shine in her free programs, so despite Winry’s amazing points, nothing had been decided yet.

As expected, she performed her elements flawlessly, but her jumps were slightly easier than Winry’s, and at least in Garfiel’s opinion she seemed to lack the charm Winry had had on the ice. Winry watched the performance in the dressing room with the other girls, but when she met with Garfiel afterwards, she found him biting his fingernails nervously.

Winry wasn’t sure what she was feeling at that moment. The biggest part of her was relieved it was over; no matter what would happen, she already knew she had done her best and would go home with a medal. However, there was a reason why she was a professional athlete; she did have the competitive side in her, and that side tried to argue with the rational side that said she could be proud of herself, either way. A silver would be a disappointment after such a performance.

Winry’s heart was beating fast when Garfiel took her hand as the announcer started to speak.

“Lan Fan’s points are: 149,10! That means she wins the silver medal, winning her country woman Mei Chang by a point. Our Olympic gold medal winner is… Winry Rockbell from Amestris!!!”

…

“Ed, you gotta go!” Al tried to get him to leave the arena before the rest of the audience would.

“What, I want to congratulate her! Dammit, Al! This is the biggest moment of her career so far and you are telling me to leave?!”

“I mean, she’s gonna have a party, and you can’t go there looking like that! Brother, please!”

“Fine. But if you see her, you’ll tell her that I’ll see her soon, right?”

“Of course! Just go now.”

…

 She really was the Olympic champion. When the information sunk in, it seemed like her brain just turned off and she could remember only bits and pieces of what happened afterwards.

There were a lot of hugs. Garfiel, waiting for the points next to her, was obviously the first one to hug her. Rosé, Paninya and Gracia were all waiting for her by the rinkside, giving her quick, tight hugs before she had to go back to the ice to accept her reward. When she joined the other medalists on the ice, they hugged her too, and especially Mei seemed really enthusiastic and happy for her, making Winry a bit confused. Was there something going on she didn’t know about? In that moment, she only wished she could find the person she wanted to hug the most, but scanning the audience with her eyes, she couldn’t find him. One would have thought it would be easy to spot the two golden haired men in the audience, and she knew for fact they had promised to be there, but for some reason she couldn’t find them.

She accepted the flowers and the plush she was given (the actual medal would be given later that day in a special ceremony outside the arena) and after skating a few rounds and thanking the audience, she tried to get into the dressing room to change into something more comfortable. That turned out to be difficult though, with all the passing people wanting to congratulate her and get her first comments, and it took her at least 15 minutes to finally get into her destination.

“You haven’t possibly seen Ed and his brother anywhere?” Winry asked her figure skating team that was already starting the party in the dressing room, popping a bottle of champagne that someone had hidden into the locker.

“No, not a glimpse,” Paninya and Rose answered in unison. Winry started getting anxious. This was such a huge moment for her, and she really wanted all her favorite people to be around.

It took a while before she could leave anywhere because glasses needed to be emptied, speeches given and songs sung. Paninya even threatened to throw Winry into the cold shower like was the habit in the hockey world, but fortunately for Winry, she managed to talk her out of it. Eventually, she managed to sneak out with the excuse that she needed to go back into her hotel room because she had left her party dress there.

Before she would do that, though, she would find out where the hell Edward was. He hadn’t even answered her calls while the other girls had taken Garfiel into the cold shower instead of her. Briefly, she wondered if that meeting with Mei had something to do with this, but quickly pushed that thought aside. Now was not the time for that.

When she got into the hotel hallway that Amestris’ athletes shared, she debated for a long while if she should go and change like she was supposed to, or if she should just march into Ed’s room and let him hear it if he happened to be there. She chose the latter.

“Edward Elric! If you are there, get your ass out right now!” she nearly yelled as she banged his door. She wasn’t actually expecting anyone to be there, so when she heard the sound of the crutches from inside the room, her eyes widened in embarrassment.

“Hi?” Ed opened the door, revealing the black suit and a red tie he was wearing. Winry looked at his outfit with confusion.

“Are you going somewhere?”

She guessed it was too much to ask him to spend this important night with her.

“Aren’t you?” Ed took in the tiny red figure skating dress she was still wearing. Why did she have to look so good in it, he growled in his mind. “I’m not sure that dress is the most appropriate one for a formal party.”

“What are you talking about?” Winry felt she understood less and less about what was going on.

“That you and I are gonna go to your party, what else would I be talking about?”

“I thought… I thought…” Winry couldn’t form a full sentence. He had been thinking about her after all.

“What?” Ed asked, equally confused.

“That you had forgotten. Or didn’t want to go. Or had other plans…”

“And why would you think that?” Ed frowned. He didn’t understand why Winry was acting so weirdly all of a sudden.

“Because I didn’t see you at the arena! And you didn’t answer to my call! And I saw you hanging out with Mei Chang the other day!” she blurted without thinking.

“Again: what? Winry, there’s a good explanation to all of those things. I left the arena early because when it became clear you would win, Al forced me to come back here to clean up because apparently I couldn’t look like an emo at your party. I wouldn’t have wanted to leave. He also promised to let you know I would be waiting here. Which clearly he didn’t. And I didn’t hear your phone call because I was in the shower. And I definitely wasn’t with Mei because I wanted to, but because Al told me to wait with her while he was getting her some flowers or chocolate or who knows what unnecessary… They were gonna go out for a dinner, you see.”

“So… you’re saying all of that was just an unfortunate misunderstanding?”

“Yes, you silly.”

“Great. Of course I would ruin my own party by overthinking things.” Winry sat down on Ed’s bed and covered her face with her hand with embarrassment.

“Hey, don’t be mad at yourself. You couldn’t have known.” Ed sat down next to Winry, setting his crutches down, and took her chin between his thumb and index finger and lifted it, so she was staring right in his eyes.

“But I…” She couldn’t finish her sentence because she noticed the expression on Ed’s face, and it nearly made her knees go weak. She had seen that fierce, determined look a couple of times before, all of them right before they had almost…

Only this time there wasn’t “almost”. Ed hesitated only one moment, deciding this was a now or never situation, and with his free hand he pulled her closer. He moved the hand that had been holding her chin behind her neck, while he was wondering how she would react to what he was about to do. Winry didn’t have time to close her eyes before he pressed his lips against hers, a bit sloppily but firmly, soon finding the right angle to get best access to her lips. Winry couldn’t help but smile into the kiss when her brain finally registered what was happening. He really was kissing her.

All too fast, he pulled away, his heart pounding faster than in a hockey game and his cheeks adorably red. Winry thought she couldn’t have looked much calmer herself. She had imagined this situation so many times in her head, but now that it finally happened, she couldn’t nearly believe it. From that little preview she knew she wanted that to happen again. And last a lot longer.

Finally, her brain recovered enough to be able to form full sentences:

“Hold on. Ed, would you care to explain what this means? Didn’t you say the other day you had promised…”

“Shhh, just listen. I can’t… I can’t promise it’s always gonna be an easy road, but… I want to try.” Winry looked at him expectantly, so he continued: “You have made me see I don’t have to do this alone, and I really owe you a lot for that. You have made me feel happy even though normally I wouldn’t even be able to get out of my bed in this situation.” Winry knew he was referring to his broken leg and the tournament that had ended too early for him. “So that’s really amazing. You just seem to have that weird power. You know, you deserve to be happy, and I… I want to be someone who makes you happy. Equivalent exchange, right?”

“Ed!” she squealed and hugged him so forcefully he almost fell from the bed.

“So, what do you say? Do you want to give me a shot?” he asked nervously.

“Yes, you idiot!”

This time it was her turn to initiate the kiss. It was much longer than the first one, and Ed even allowed his hand to wander on the backside of Winry’s thin dress, feeling the smooth material and causing chills in Winry’s core.

“By the way… Congratulations,” he whispered, leaning his forehead against hers.

“For what?” Winry had nearly forgotten what had happened only a little while ago.

“For winning the Olympic gold, dummy. My girlfriend is world’s best figure skater!” Ed exclaimed proudly.

“Oh… thank you.” Winry blushed and pecked his lips once more.

“So… Will you get your dress changed?” Ed asked with much more confidence when they pulled apart.

“Yes… But if you think I’ll let you watch just because you’re my boyfriend now… well, I dare you to try.”

“You’re feisty. I like that.” Ed snorted and Winry threw a pillow at him.

Ed stayed nicely in his room while Winry went to change, but the whole time both of them had huge smiles on their faces. Somehow, Winry had a feeling she had just won something far more valuable than an Olympic gold.