#I don’t know I am just. scared people will think I have Fallen for sexist beauty standards etc… They Suck I don’t disagree

[teenyweenyeenymeeny]

sniffle… laser soon… it will be okay it will be okay it will be okay [it will hurt super bad]

[donutloverxo]

Stevie

Authors note- listen... I'm sorry for this but at the same time I'm not. Anyway this was inspired by an arc from the anime gintama.

the female captain america graphic does not belong to me.

Do not repost or steal my works. Reblogs are welcome

Summary- Steve has been on a space mission for a week. When he gets back he's a completely different person.

Pairings- Steve Rogers x reader, Stevie x reader

Warning- smut, sex toys, bi curious reader, gender bender(Tony nat and steve get turned into the opposite sex)

Word count- 3.3k

Masterlist

You had been monitoring Steve’s mission status for the past week. You were both used to the other being gone on missions. But a mission in space was something else. Steve, Tony and Nat were helping Carol out with a situation in space. Since the guardians were mia. In another galaxy. It was still hard to wrap your head around. Last you heard going to Mars was considered a huge accomplishment now people are travelling to another solar systems.

It was hard not to worry. So many things could go wrong. They could be sucked into a black hole or encounter a hostile species. You were one of the few Avengers who had never been to space. As you were blipped after the snap.

You had heard about it from Steve. He had a far away melancholic look in his eyes whenever he talked about it. You understood how hard those five years must’ve been for him. You weren’t sure if you could even last 5 weeks without him.

As much as you would’ve liked to go explore space you had decided someone had to stay home.

You were going about your night drinking some coffee to help with your fatigue in front of the monitor waiting for updates from Steve’s team. You had not left the room, you pretty much lived there. They were supposed to be home two days ago. With no updates from either of them you were at the end of your rope.

You were jolted awake when you felt your chair along with the whole room vibrating. You didn’t even realise you had fallen asleep. You rushed outside hoping that the team had made it back.

You looked at Carol approaching you from the ship landed on the compound lawn.

“Hey there”, she greeted giving you a nervous smile.

“Is something wrong?”, you asked looking at the ship hoping to see Steve come out of it.

“Well yes and no. Something happened. I’m going to need you to stay calm.”

“I’m always calm”, impatient you walked towards the ship.

You stopped in your tracks when you see three more people come out of it. Two women and a man. Confused you looked back at Carol who just smiled and shrugged.

“This must be weird for you”, you heard the man say, his hoarse deep voice say.

You looked back at the three of them and wished to pinch yourself or slap yourself, anything to wake up from this dream. You looked the three of them up and down. It wasn’t too obvious but they looked a lot like Steve Tony and Nat.

The redhead man had broad shoulders, a square jaw and a Bob haircut. He was shorter than the blond woman standing beside him.

You stopped breathing for a minute when you looked at her. She was tall, taller than any woman you’d ever seen probably taller than most men. She had a sharp jawline and high cheekbones. Her short blond hair was slicked back. If you didn’t know better you would be scared by her sharp features but you couldn’t help look away from her piercing blue eyes. That’s when you realized.

“Steve?”, you breathed out after what felt like forever.

“No no, she’s Stevie now”, you whipped your heard to look at the short brunette woman standing behind the redhead. Her hair was short with flicks of grey. She had wrinkles around her eyes and mouth.

“Yeah and she’s Toni now. As in Toni with an i.”, she redhead said.

“What is going on here?!”, you yelled and looked at Carol for an explanation.

“Well we were on the mission everything was going quite well. But then somebody decided to make some sexist jokes.”, she gave Toni and the red head a icy stare. “So they changed these idiots into the opposite sex. To teach them a lesson. They will go back to their old selves soon enough.”

“Ok it was just a joke! How was I supposed to know they would be so sensitive”, Toni whined.

“Wait who are ‘they’?”, you asked her

“Aliens”, she answered and walked back to the spaceship “alright I have to leave good luck”

“Oh no you don’t. How are we supposed to fix this?” Toni chased behind her asking and then begging her to stay.

You looked at the red head who would most probably be Nat and then at Stevie. Not really knowing what to say your gaze went down Stevie’s body. Your eyes widened when you looked at the curve of her breasts. You couldn’t see them properly under her tshirt but you could tell that they were big. It was no surprise, Steve did always have big assets.

“Uh... can we go inside?”, Stevie asked awkwardly rubbing her forearm with her hand.

You hadn’t uttered a single word still speechless and in shock. Was this real life? You had solved so many problems, seen so many things over the years but never in your life did you think you would be here. Looking at your boyfriend or girlfriend, you couldn’t deal with the feelings emerging inside you or how much you wanted to touch her to see if her skin was as soft as it looked.

You could only see her arms and face as she was wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. She had a soft sheen of blond hair on her arms, not nearly as coarse as Steve’s arm hair used to be. Her arms were still muscular and definied but much more slimmer. And she clearly wasn’t wearing a bra. Not that you were complaining.

She was looking down at her thighs closing them and then opening them again, probably not sure how to sit. She looked up at you and smiled.

“How are you feeling?”, you asked her.

“Strange”, she said running her hand through her short hair. “Are you okay?”

“Well...”, you started not knowing how to finish. Would she be mad if she knew what was going on in your head? She was confused and in distress this is neither the time nor the place to have unsavory thoughts.

Nat came into the common room and plopped down beside Stevie. “I just used the bathroom. It was quite interesting.”, she said nodding to herself and staring off into space. She looked like she was contemplating her entire life.

You looked at Toni grumbling and making herself a drink. “She left. Said we’ll be back to normal by tomorrow”, she sat down on the sofa in front of you sipping her drink. She looked down at her breast before squeezing one.

“Toni!”, Stevie chastised him and looked away. You laughed at both of them, Nat and Toni joined you as laughter filled the hall.

“Imagine if Stark was born a woman”, Nat wondered.

“They definitely wouldn’t call you a playboy. They'd call you much worse names.”, you said before going back to admiring Stevie in all her glory while you had time.

“I’m going to head out. Good night kids. Pray to your gods that we go back to our old selves tomorrow”, Toni said putting her empty glass on the coffee table before leaving.

Nat yawned and stretched her back. “I’m going to bed as well. Long mission. Good night”

“So, what do you wanna do?”, you tentatively asked Stevie. You were suddenly nervous around her, the way someone would be around a new crush. You went back and forth between looking at her eyes, breasts and your lap.

“Let’s just go to bed. But... uh.. I could just sleep in the guest room if you like.” She scratched her neck blushing just like your Steve would. You smiled at her. There was no need to be nervous. This was the same Steve you knew and loved.

“No. We can sleep together. I’ve missed you”, you take her hand in yours. It felt the same but a bit different. Maybe because her hands were much smaller than Steve’s.

“I’m not me though”, she mused looking at your fingers linked together.

“I don’t mind. In fact I like it”, maybe you were being too bold but this might be the only chance you ever get.

“Oh?”, she looked at you her pink plump lips pouting. They looked even more kissable right now. Her nose was slimmer but still a bit crooked. The cute confused expression on her face reminded you so much of your Steve. Which was bizarre because she was still your Steve.

You couldn’t help it anymore, you leaned in putting your hand on the armrest for support and joined both your lips. She was stiff at first but then relaxed. You licked her lips and she opened her mouth kissing you deeply. She had missed your lips and your touch for the past week.

You broke apart after a few minutes. You looked into her eyes trying to catch your breathe. You decided to sit on her lap like you usually do. She put her hand around you as you nuzzled into her neck breathing her in. She smelled different, more feminine, but you could still smell hints of Steve’s soap and cologne.

“Are you sure about this?”, she asked intensely looking into your eyes.

You cradled her face in your hands. “I am as long as you’re comfortable. I’ve always wanted to do that. Be with a woman. Just never got the chance.”

“I... uh.. wouldn’t know what to do to”, she murmured looking away.

Steve, bless his heart, would never go anywhere near porn. He always found it too gratuitous. Never mind that the few sex tapes the two of you did make were plenty gratuitous.

No matter how much he liked to act like a boy Scout you knew all his kinks and perversions. But you had seen and read your fair share of erotica and you knew what you liked. You could make it work.

“You’ve always wanted to be with a woman?”, he asked and you nodded “you never told me that”

“I don’t know. I like women but don’t even feel like thinking about anyone else when I have you. Man or woman”, you shrugged. She blushed at that giving you a wide grin.

“Well... maybe Carol..”, you trailed off. You had developed a slight crush on her since the moment you met her. She was so fierce and strong. She didn’t take shit from anyone. You smiled at how she just left everyone here and went on her next mission to save the universe.

She was someone admirable. Or maybe it was just because she was a lot like Steve. Captain and everything.

Stevie hummed at that. She had seen you looking at Carol in adoration, her suspicions were just confirmed. She didn’t feel bad or jealous. She knew you were hers.

***

You had made yourself at home between Stevies leg while she laid her head on your pillow. She was apprehensive about letting you go down on her or see her. But you were adamant about giving her the experience of a female orgasm.

Maybe you had your selfish reasons as well. You couldn’t stop looking at her pretty pink pussy. It might be the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. You were tempted to whip out your phone and click a few pictures.

There were little dirty blond hair sprinkled around it. You wondered if you liked it because it was objectively pretty or because it was attached to the love of your life.

You smiled to yourself when you noticed it was glowing. She was probably getting impatient. She had been on a tasking mission, she deserves some relief. You were a bit anxious even if you knew what you had to do, you had never done it before. Your core tingled when you remembered the first time Steve ate you out. How you had to direct him and tell him exactly what to do. He was pretty much a pro at it now.

You licked a shy stripe up her lips. You gained a little bit of confidence when you felt her gasp and shiver. You licked a few more stripes before sucking on her clit. She seemed to like it when you did it faster so you increased your pace.

You pushed your tongue inside of her while licking her up. You decide to try incorporating your fingers as well. Pushing one and then two inside of her before thrusting them in and out with purpose.

She grunted and pushed your head back towards her core. “Shit”, she screamed as you began lapping her up again.

Steve never had any qualms about cursing during love making. It gave you great pleasure knowing you’re the only one that ever gets to see this wild feral side of him. Or her.

“Oh god”, she clutched your hair fisting them in her hand before coming all over your mouth. You lapped up everything you could.

You climbed up on your bed and looked down into her eyes. “How was that?”, you asked stroking her cheek.

“Pretty good”, she smiled up at you her blue eyes twinkling.

You raised your brows at her frowning. “Just pretty good?”

“It was perfect. But nothing different, I think”, she replied bringing your hand to her lips giving it a kiss. “Now it’s your turn”, she smirked.

“No”, you said firmly and got off the bed disappearing into your closet.

“No?”, she asked before sitting up trying to see what you were up to.

You return to your bed tying your favorite strap on to your hips and coating it with a generous amount of lube. You smirked when you looked at her staring at it. “What do you think?”

You already knew the answer to that question. You had used the very same toy on Steve’s ass more times than you could count. As much as you loved being dominated by him you also liked pleasing him, having him completely at your mercy.

She visibly gulped down. “How do you want to do it?”

“I’d like to look at your face.” You said holding her face in your hands stroking her cheeks. You push her down on the bed. Kneeling between her legs. You groped and stroked her body. It was unsurprisingly as soft as you imagined it would be. You held her breasts in your hands for a minute squeezing them and stroking her nipples. “they’re so soft”, you wondered out loud.

“Now you know why I like yours so much”, she said chuckling

You squeezed her pink hard nipple between your fingers before taking it in your mouth, giving it a harsh suck.

“Fuck... doll I need you”, she whined grabbing your dildo lining it up to her pussy.

You released her nipple with a pop swatting her hands away. “Be patient”, you scolded. She pouted at you but kept her hands to herself.

After sucking on her breasts for a while you lined your dildo upto her pussy. You snaked a hand under her hips to pull her up towards you, just like Steve used to do with you. You needed to be as close to her as possible.

You have her an open mouthed kiss slowly pushing into her. She moaned into your mouth. You fucked her nicely and slowly. Holding her in your hands as if she was the most precious thing to you, which she truly was.

You increased your pace when you felt her moaning and grunting loudly, knowing she was probably very close. You looked down at her face scrunched up in pleasure as she came around your cock.

You had never been able to look at Steve’s face when he came, either you were too fucked out from your own orgasms or were focusing on making him last longer.

Now looking down at her, doing something that was only pleasure able for her felt incredibly intimate. It felt better than any orgasm could’ve.

You pulled out of her, taking the strap on off before cuddling with her.

“That was something else”, she mumbled feeling high from her intense orgasm.

***

Later that night you had some how convinced Stevie to let you put make up on her. She didn’t agree at first but with some pouting she was basically putty in your hands.

You lips were set in a firm straight line in concentration as you tried not to mess up her eyeliner. Her hair was incredibly short so there wasn’t much you could do with it. You wondered if she would let you take some pictures.

“So what exactly happened? Why did they turn you into women... and man”, you asked still not sure how they were able to do it.

“It was something Tony said about never understanding women and then Natasha argued with all men are the same or something along those lines”, he said a frown on his face as if he was trying hard to remember it “I was caught in the middle of it trying to get them to stop fighting” You decided to let it go for now. Maybe she’d tell you the whole story some other day.

“One good thing about this is now you can take my name”, you smiled as you imagined Steve with your last name.

“I always thought you’d take mine. I like the thought of you as Mrs Rogers”

“Oh and why would I do that? I was one of the most renowned sheild agent and I am the best avenger”,you said puffing your chest out proudly.

“You might have some competition with that”, she teased smirking at you to which you stuck out your tongue putting some final touches on her face. “I guess our kids could just hyphenate”

You gasped at that, “kids? If you think I’m having more than one child then you’ve lost your mind. You know what it’s like to have a vagina now. Imagine pushing a child the size of a watermelon out of it”, you huffed but looking at her pretty face all your anger melted away.

“I’m sorry sweetheart. You know if I could go through it instead of you I would”, she said stroking your thighs and you knew she was sincere.

Steve would never let anything bad happen to you. Not if he could help it. After he got you back he had vowed to you that he would always protect you.

You looked at her sad face hunched down staring at the ground. She looked as if she was in another world. “Stevie what’s wrong?”

“It’s just what if the kid inherits all my illness. Or the super serum. That could be a danger to you”

You knelt down between her legs so you could look into her eyes. “Hey it’s okay”, you said softly “we don’t have to have kids. And we can always adopt. That gives us much more time”

“Are you sure?”, she asked shyly playing with a strand of your hair.

“Absolutely positive”, you beamed up at her.

***

The next morning you woke up earlier than usual. Stretching your back muscles you smiled looking at the sun shining through the window. It was a beautiful day. Perfect for a picnic. You looked to your side smiling at Steve sleeping peacefully. Wait a minute.

“Steve”, you shook him harshly.

“What?”, he rose his voice heavy and hoarse. He looked down at his body touching his pecs and abs before looking back at you. “I’m back”

“Yeah you’re back”

You both went down to the common room to find if Toni and Nat had went back to their normal selves. They were already waiting for both of you.

“Oh Rogers is back too!”, Tony said eagerly.

“Did you two have fun last night?”, Nat smirked suggestively at the two of you.

“I see neither of you learned your lesson then”, Steve shook his head at them before looking at you, catching you staring at him. “What do you miss Stevie?”

You shook your head at him. Lightly slapping his chest. “I like what’s in here. Doesn���t matter how you look”

[fanficparker]

You are Everything! | H.O.

Friends!Harrison Osterfield x Fem!Reader

Word count: 1.8k words

A/N: @lost-aesthetic-of-past and I wrote it together during a reblog chain (haha)

Warnings: Angst but it’s cute. Swearing.

Summary: Harrison decided to cut you off from his life after you had friend-zoned him. But did you actually? Or was there something else?

[ MASTERLIST ]

"Green is not really a good colour on you, ya' know?" Greg said quietly, standing beside Harrison at the pub, looking at the scene unfolding in front of them.

"I'm not jealous," Harrison scowled, turning to look at anything but what was in front of him.

It was basically nothing. Just the girl he has been in love with for years being flirted by another guy. The guy was nice, one of his own acquaintances. But at the moment, he had started to hate him.

"Mate come' on, let's get going." Greg tried to pull Harrison away, possibly because he could sense the blonde nearing his explosion point.

"Yes, give me a second before that!" He finished his drink and walked straight towards you and the guy who was shamelessly flirting with you.

"...And I said, sorry, but I can't talk right now because I'm queening," Kevin said with a laugh, making you laugh in response. You had just met the guy but he was funny, and kind of cute. You were very much looking forward to getting his number and getting to know him more, but just then, Harrison approached you two.

"Hey, Harrison, whats'up?" Kevin greets. You had no idea that Kevin and Harrison knew each other. Harrison however, all but ignores Kevin and turns to you.

"We need to talk." He said before walking out expecting you to follow him.

What did he want to talk about?

You passed Kevin an apologetic smile and rushed after Harrison. He was waiting for you outside the pub.

"Why did you call me out so abruptly?" You questioned, standing in front of him.

"Do you have any idea how Kevin was relentlessly flirting with you?!" Harrison whisper-yelled, motioning with his hands while looking sideways, afraid if Kevin could hear him. You squeezed your eyes at his words.

"I... ah... Know already?" You replied, quirking an eyebrow. Harrison's loose posture instantly jerks into a stiff one as he took a step back.

"You know?" The surprise in his voice was evident.

"Yup. I mean that's exactly... That was exactly the purpose." You admitted, biting at your lower lip.

"What... You..." He sucked in a breath, not believing your words. His stomach was dropping, his heart was shattering.

"Yeah. I-I mean he seems like a good guy. Also, I don't wanna remain single forever," You tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear while Harrison clenched his fist, trying his best to not look hurt.

And he thought, he had a chance with you.

"I need to go Haz. He must be waiting, see you in a few minutes," You said and then leaned in, pecked his cheek and walked inside.

He knew what the kiss meant.

It was the friend-zone kiss. You knew about Harrison's feelings and you had just smoothly rejected him.

He was so screwed.

***

"Haz it's been 3 days just, pick up the damn phone! I'm worried!" It was probably the seventh call this morning and he was still not picking up his phone.

That night and that interaction with Harrison outside the pub left you perplexed. He didn't come back inside after the conversation. He simply left, without even informing you. You literally spent a good twenty minutes trying to find him in the crowd when Greg called him over the phone and informed you that he was home already.

And since then, you tried to call him, but he wouldn't pick up. You even tried to call Greg, but he said that you needed to fix this up with Harrison yourself.

What does that even mean?

How were you going to fix this up if you didn't know what you did wrong?

For years you have pined for that guy but kept your feelings at bay because of your damn insecurities. And now that you were ready to date another guy, someone who was within 'your League', Harrison had started acting weird. Absolutely absurd.

Was it because he liked you? Before you could even begin to explore this impossible avenue, the phone rang again.

You rushed to pick it up, thinking it was him, only to find out that it was Tom.

"Hey!" You couldn't help your voice from shaking a little, "Have you heard from Haz?"

"Yeah... I talked to him." The calmness in Tom's voice sounded unnatural, it had a cold undertone to it. "He asked me to tell you to not call him anymore."

"What?!" You were barely keeping yourself from crying at this point, "J-just, tell me what I did? Please."

Tom sighed on the other side, "Okay... Meet me at the usual coffee shop, in thirty-minutes." And with that, he hung up.

You couldn't even begin to imagine what heinous crimes you committed against Harrison that he had to cut you out of his life in the blue? But if he was going to do it, you hoped he did it face to face, and not through your mutual friends. This was worse.

***

"Did you go out with Kevin yet?" Tom asked sitting across from you.

"That's not what I came here to discuss." You told him. You were tapping your foot restlessly. You were here to know about Harrison, not talk about Kevin.

"I am just asking." He rolled his eyes and you scoffed at his reaction.

"Fine. I didn't. He was bothering me with talking about his..." You made a face, "savage moments all the time!"

"So, it didn't work out?"

"That's what I said. Now can we please talk about Harrison?"

"Yeah right. So... Harrison... is kinda mad at you."

"I figured that out myself," You rolled your eyes this time, "Tell me something new."

"Y/n come' on you friend-zoned him and now he can't even be mad?"

"Friend-zoned him? We are already friends!" You panicked through your words.

"Oh my god! Why are girls so dumb!"

"That's sexist..." You scrunched up your face in disgust.

There was no way Harrison could have fallen for you.

He sighed, "That guy is head over heels for you and you don't even notice."

"What no–"

"That's the truth." He interrupted your sentence, shrugging his shoulders.

"No... It can't be..."

"It is Y/n. Why are you denying it so much? He told this to me himself."

"I... I... "

Tom stopped your stuttering by keeping his hand over yours.

"If there's something, you can tell me." He smiled at you in a reassuring manner.

"No Tom... No. You can't understand." You stood up jerking away his hand.

"If you won't tell then how would I?"

"I can't..." You tried to hold back the tears forming in your eyes, "It's... it's embarrassing."

He didn't force you after that (seeing it was the best thing to do) and you left.

How can he understand?

How can people like him and Harrison ever understand?

Harrison is surrounded by models all day. He must be getting laid all the time. Girls throw themselves at him. And you... You were just a plain girl. He can easily trade you with them. They were so much better.

And now you had lost him as a friend too...

***

"Hey, Haz..." This was probably the last time you were going to call him anyway, so, you decided to make it worthwhile.

"You are probably not going to listen to this message. And I don't blame you. But the truth is.. I don't have anyone else to talk about this," You tried to keep your voice even, "And I swear after this if you don't want to stay in touch, I promise I won't bother you."

It had been a few hours until your meeting with Tom. All these hours you were going crazy.

How were you going to tell Harrison that it's because of your crippling insecurity you kept your feelings hidden?

How were you going to do that without him looking at you like you are a fool?

"You know I'm not the most secure person in the world," You laugh through your nerves, "And definitely not the most confident one. And that's why when I realised I liked you... more than friends... I got scared. Because you are you, and you look amazing and are so funny and talented and... I am just... me," You shrugged your shoulders even though you knew he won't be able to see you.

"And that's why I kept it all locked. Because I didn't want to feel rejected when I find out you don't like me like that." You sucked in a deep breath, "So now I've gone on and ruined everything, and I'm sorry if I hurt you..." You voice cracked as all those pent up tears rolled down your cheeks.

"I didn't mean to. I'm sorry!" And with that you hung up, not knowing that he will listen to your message, and only a few hours later going to turn up at your door.

If it was simply a knock at your door, you wouldn't be opening it. But the knock was accompanied with his voice. How could you not open?

Looking at you for the first time in three days made Harrison feel like he finally found something very dear to him he had lost. Sure you were in your pyjamas and your hair resembled a bird's nest, but it was you.

And you were...

"You are an absolute dumbass! No, you are actually the biggest dumbass on this entire planet!" There was a fit of slight anger behind his voice, but it was kind of hard to focus on the tone when you were finally hearing from him (and were even seeing him) after three entire days. "How dare you think that you are not good enough when really you are the only one?!" He thumbed his foot on the floor.

"What?" Now you spoke, not realising you had spaced out.

And you were...

He rubbed his face with both hands, "You are everything!" He walked forward, cradling your face gently in his hands.

And you were...

"An idiot..." He breathed out, "But still everything... How could you possibly think you were not enough?"

"You know me... I-I can't help it!" And the waterworks started again.

He leaned forward to rest his forehead against yours, looking into your glossy e/c eyes.

"Can I kiss you?" He voice was merely a whisper as his eyes flickered down to your lips.

You nodded your head, unable to form words and he pressed his lips again yours, pulling you closer to him.

"Just... next time... talk to me. Don't shut me out, okay?"

"Okay." You nodded again, resting your head against his chest.

What would happen if you actually screwed it all up?

_______________________

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[jbbarnesnnoble]

It Won’t Always Be Like This

Summary:  You loved them, but you were getting tired of how they treated you like you were fragile in the wake of an injury. It’s a journey to healing. 

Features: Arguing, angst, eventual fluff; Peter Parker shows up

Pairing: Stucky/Reader

Notes: I considered including a smut scene, but it just doesn’t fit with the flow. I might write a smutty companion piece to this. 

Word Count: 2642

The water lapped at the shore, a cool breeze sweeping across the lake. You had driven there to think. Another day, another screaming match. You couldn’t help but wonder if it would always be like this, if love was destined to fizzle out like a fire left unattended. You had taken the ring off in the midst of it all before storming out the door.  

It wasn’t always like this. Once upon a time, two men out of time had charmed their way into your life. You were the newest Avenger then. Things had just settled after the Accords fiasco. You had fallen for them both in equal measure. You didn’t realize falling for them would lead to this kind of feeling.

It had started simple enough. You were pulled off your first mission back from injury six months prior. You had understood. You could have died on the mission that had been the reason for your injury. But you had completed your therapy, your injury was healed, and you were clear and back in fighting form. And then you got pulled from the next mission. You were only being put on lower level missions, with field agents rather than the Avengers. People took note, rumors swirled that maybe you weren’t the same person you were before the injury. Anyone who was in the field with you could tell that wasn’t true. 

The first big fight you had with Steve and Bucky ended with you spending the night away from the compound, at Tony and Pepper’s cabin. Tony had come to be like a father figure to you. You had spent that night watching Morgan and avoiding talking about what had happened until Pepper coaxed it out of you later in the night. That had been four months ago. It had taken you two months to catch on to what was going on. You could remember that fight with striking clarity. 

“So, would either of you care to explain why the hell I’ve been stuck with babysitting duty?” you asked as you stormed into Steve’s office. He and Bucky were in the midst of a discussion about an upcoming mission, one you had finally been scheduled to be part of, only to be pulled off.

“You’re not ready,” Steve said, his tone stern and commanding. You glared at him.

“Bull fucking shit Rogers. You know as well as I do I’ve been ready for the past two months. But apparently, my commanding officer can’t take his head out of his ass long enough to see that I’m not a fragile doll,” you snapped. 

“Calm--,” Bucky wasn’t able to even get the phrase out of his mouth before your attention turned to him.

“Don’t fucking tell me to calm down. I don’t know what you two are playing at trying to keep me sidelined,” you snapped. Steve ran a hand through his hair.

“You scared the hell out of us. We could have lost you, doll,” he said. 

“And you don’t think I have the same worries about you two?” you asked him.

“You’re not...you’re normal,” Bucky said. 

“So is Natasha. Sharon, Sam? Yet you don’t sideline them, even when they get injured. So, do you want to try that again Sergeant Barnes?” you asked. Both of them looked at you with wide eyes. They had never seen you this furious, at least not when the fury was aimed squarely at them. 

“Perhaps we’ve been unreasonable,” Steve conceded.

“No, you don’t say. Fix it, Captain Rogers,” you said before turning and leaving the room, slamming the door behind you. 

While you were back on missions with the Avengers, you were only on missions with Steve or Bucky. Before the injury it was common for you to be partnered with Natasha on missions, or with Natasha and Clint if a situation called for it. They had both had heated discussions with Steve and Bucky over it. The missions you did go on, you felt more like you were being treated like a child rather than a teammate. You were always paired with one of your boys, which under normal circumstances you wouldn’t have disagreed with. Another fight and they had eased up on that too, but it was taking it’s toll on your relationship. 

It had all led to today. While legally your marriage wouldn’t be binding, the three of you were still planning a ceremony. You had been discussing plans when Steve mentioned it. 

“And once the kids come, we’ll talk about nannies to help you when Buck and I are on missions,” Steve said. You furrowed your brow.

“What about when I’m on missions?” you asked. The two shared a look. 

“We just...we figured you might retire?” Bucky asked, suddenly unsure.

“And let you two have all the fun? I’m not ready to retire. There’s still a lot of fight left in me. Besides, we talked about this before, remember?” you said. 

“And what about when you’re pregnant?” Steve asked.

“Obviously I wouldn’t be in the field but there’s nothing stopping me from going back once the baby is born. I know you two are from a different time, but god, I figured you were more progressive than this,” you said standing up.

“It’s different. If you were anything other than this, than an Avenger,” Steve started to say. 

“Do you even hear yourself right now? You two do the same damn thing I do. You may be super soldiers but you’re not immortal! You’re just as human as I am. You don’t think I’m scared of losing either of you too? That when I think about us, about having children, that I’m not terrified about our kids losing a father? Of potentially losing me? But that’s the risk we take. Maybe my feelings will change once we have kids but it’s a decision you can’t make for me. It’s my life too,” you said, your voice cracking.

“Sweetheart,” Bucky said. 

“No. I can’t do this, I can’t,” you said. You pulled the ring off your left hand and set it on the table before walking toward the door and grabbing your car keys.

“Where are you going? Baby, please,” Steve said. You forced yourself to keep looking forward. His voice sounded like he was on the verge of tears and you knew you’d break if you looked at him. You slammed the door behind you, and couldn’t shake the feeling of finality as you headed for the elevator, avoiding everyone else. 

You loved them. You did. But sometimes, sometimes you felt like they were overbearing, too overprotective. On the surface, it seemed like the conversation around kids stemmed from the era they grew up in, but what Steve had said, about if you were anything but an Avenger, stuck with you. It would be easy to just say it was a sexist notion, but under the surface, you knew that there was more to it, you just had to put the pieces together. 

Before you’d gotten injured, things had been different. Even when you’d talked about kids then, there was no assumption that any of you would retire. Cut back on missions maybe, make sure at least one of you was there unless it could be avoided, but you had always been included. You were pulled from your thoughts as someone sat beside you.

“They’re worried about you,” Peter said. You and Peter Parker had become fast friends. You may have been older than him, but he’d become like a little brother to you. 

“I don’t know what to do anymore,” you said.

“Do you love them?” he asked. You looked at him, brow furrowed.

“Of course I do,” you said. 

“What was so bad that you walked out like that? That you took your ring off?” he asked gesturing to your left hand. 

“Peter,” you said. He glared at you.

“If you’re about to say I’m too young to understand, we’re sparring, right here, right now,” he said. You laughed. 

“We got on the topic of having kids. When we talked about it when we decided we were getting married, even if it won’t be legally binding, we agreed we’d all cut back on missions, try to make sure one of us stayed back. But then I got hurt. And they almost lost me,” you said, the pieces starting to come together. 

“You scared all of us that day. We...we thought you weren’t coming back from that,” he said. You picked at the grass beside you, taking the longer blades and tying them together, an old childhood habit. 

“I know. I survived though,” you said.

“They’re probably thinking about what happens if the next time you don’t. You know they’re idiots right? Don’t...don’t tell them I said that. But they want to keep you safe. You should’ve heard Natasha after you stormed out this time. She really let into them after they told her what happened...maybe FRIDAY will be able to show you,” Peter said. You laughed. 

“It’d be easy to walk away and say it’s because they’re unreasonable jerks...well, maybe not easy, but. I just wish they’d talk to me about it instead of making decisions for me or about me,” you said. 

“Maybe we don’t know how because even talking about our fears is a terrifying thought,” a new voice said breaking into the conversation. You and Peter both turned to see Steve and Bucky standing there. 

“What are you doing here?” you asked. Peter was one of the few that knew where you went when you needed space.

“Followed Peter,” Steve said. 

“I’m just gonna...go,” Peter said standing up. He still got nervous around Steve and Bucky and you thought it was kinda adorable. As he left, Steve and Bucky sat on either side of you. The three of you sat in silence for a few minutes.

“You know what sucks, about all of this? When you put me on babysitting duty, I felt like you didn’t trust me in the field. When you finally put me back on regular missions, you didn’t put me with my usual partners, and I felt like I was being punished because you know I love you two, but we rarely complement each other’s skills on missions. I felt like you still didn’t trust me. And now this. It feels like you wanted me to quit, be Susie Homemaker instead of the woman I am,” you said. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at either of them. 

“No, no, sweetheart. That’s not what we wanted, what we want. We want you to be safe. But with our jobs, that’s not an option. We should have talked to you,” Steve said.

“Yes, you should have,” you said.

“We’re sorry. We overstepped. We let our fear take control,” Bucky said. You fell back into silence, the air around the three of you still uneasy with the undercurrent of unresolved conflict. 

“At first, I thought you two were being sexist, which, you were by the way, assuming I’d be the one to retire and raise the kids we don’t even have yet while you two are off doing god only knows what. But, then I started thinking about why you were reacting that way, what had changed your minds. It scares me too. Thinking I won’t come back or one of you won’t come back. But that’s our reality. Even without this hero thing, there’s always a chance that something goes wrong in our day to day lives. Retirement wouldn’t change that,” you said. 

The conversation flowed, along with some tears. But for the first time in six months, it was a discussion, not an argument where neither side listened to what the other was saying. You still weren’t sure where the three of you stood but the conversation left you feeling better.

“What do you say, ready to go home?” Steve asked. He had the ring he and Bucky had given you in his hand. You shook your head and both men looked at you, confused. 

“We still have a lot we need to work out...I’m not taking the ring back until we do. I’m going to stay with Tony and Pepper for a bit,” you said. It killed you to see the expressions on their faces, but you knew if this relationship was going to work, if it was going to survive, you needed time to work on what had led to this point. A single conversation wasn’t going to fix the months of damage done. 

The seasons changed as summer faded into autumn and autumn into winter. You and your boys had been making progress. Therapy had helped. It had started small, with going on dates with them, with both of them and individually. Dates had fallen by the wayside since your return to work. You were the one setting the pace. While there were kisses here and there, you hadn’t been intimate with either of them since the last fight. During your last session, you had brought up feeling ready to be back at where you were before everything happened. You knew what was coming, you just didn’t know when.

Steve and Bucky had taken you to the city for the night to see the tree and walk around Manhattan. When you got back upstate, you had one more stop according to them. 

“Do you trust us?” Bucky asked as Steve continued driving. You weren’t sure where he was going, considering he had missed the turn for the compound. 

“Yes,” you said without hesitation. 

“Put this on,” he said, handing you a blindfold. You raised your eyebrows suggestively.

“Kinky,” you said as you slipped it on. It was just a short while later that Steve parked the car and one of them opened your door as you felt around to unclip your seat belt. Judging by the hand that took yours, it was Bucky helping you out. He looped his arm through yours as Steve came up to your other side doing the same. You were sure you looked about as graceful as a newborn calf as you walked, snow crunching under your boots. It was a short walk before they stopped. You heard them shuffling before Steve told you to take off the blindfold.

You gasped when you saw the sight in front of you. You were at your favorite spot, the same spot where just a few months prior, the conversation that began the fresh start of your relationship had happened. But that wasn’t what was important to you in the moment. Both men were on one knee, fairylights strung around the tree you liked to sit under, flower petals scattered in a heart around the three of you. 

You cried as they spoke, each taking a turn to tell you what they loved about you, why they wanted to spend forever with you. And for a second time, you accepted their proposal. The first time they had proposed had been after a mission, without the ring and without the speeches about love and wanting forever. Both had been perfect in their own way. Truth was, you didn’t care about the how, just that it happened, that you and your boys were back on track. 

“Sweetheart?” Bucky asked. You had yet to answer. You laughed lightly.

“Yes, yes I’m going to marry you two,” you said. It felt right as the ring was slid back on your finger. Steve kissed you first, then Bucky. 

“How about we head home?” you asked. 

“Yeah?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah,” you said. You reminded yourself that it won’t always be like this, a calm perfect moment. Arguments were bound to happen, feelings might get inadvertently hurt, but next time it happened, you wouldn’t let it reach the breaking point. Not if you could help it.

[recentanimenews]

Random Reads 2/18/21

Are You in the House Alone? by Richard Peck Are You in the House Alone? came out in 1976 and though I totally could’ve read it when I was a teen—and thus still a member of its target audience—I never did.

Gail Osburne is a sixteen-year-old high school junior and native New Yorker who’s not at home in the quaint Connecticut village her family relocated to several years back. I knew that the plot involved Gail receiving menacing anonymous notes and phone calls, and I was expecting these events to get started quickly and the suspense to remain high throughout. But that doesn’t happen.

Instead, the story is told retroactively, so we know Gail survives. Also, obvious culprit is obvious. (I hope the reveal wasn’t intended to be a surprise, but perhaps readers were less savvy about such things in 1976.) Initially, much more of the focus is on Gail’s relationships with her parents, boyfriend, and best friend, and in particular how the latter two are in the slow process of dissolution. Eventually she receives some threatening notes and creepy phone calls, gets scared, is let down by people in positions of authority, and comes face-to-face with said obvious culprit. That happens halfway through this slim novel. The rest of the book is about Gail’s recovery from her ordeal.

I thought Are You in the House Alone? was going to be fun, suspenseful fluff, but it turned out to be fairly serious and occasionally (intentionally) infuriating. I really appreciated how Peck was able to weave in a couple of threads that seemed very random at first and make them integral to the denouement, too. Ultimately, I didn’t love the book, but I kind of… respect it, if that makes sense. It didn’t go the cheap route.

The Automatic Detective by A. Lee Martinez Mack Megaton is a hulking robot who was created to destroy. He developed self-determination, however, and went against his programming. Now, he’s a probationary citizen of Empire City, where mutagens and pollution have created a very diverse population. While some “biologicals” are still “norms,” others have been physically transformed (like rat-like Detective Alfredo Sanchez) and others have been changed in not-so-visible ways (like Mack’s friend, Jung, a talking gorilla with refined literary taste). Mack works as a cab driver and is trying to keep a low profile, but when his neighbors are abducted, he can’t help but try to rescue them. This gets him into all sorts of trouble, of course.

Despite its name, The Automatic Detective isn’t really much of a mystery. I suppose it’s more… sci-fi noir. Mack meets various thugs, beats some of them up, gets beat up himself, etc. Slowly, he makes progress on uncovering a huge conspiracy. At times, I felt like Martinez was a little too enamored of the gimmick he created, and places in the middle dragged a bit as a result, but the ending is pretty satisfying and overall the book was enjoyable enough, even though it’s quite far from the sort of thing I usually read.

As a final note: I really liked that Martinez limited himself when it came time to invent universe-specific profanity. Instead of the text being liberally sprinkled with words like “frell” or “frak,” the phrase “Oh, flurb” appears but once (during a moment where the meaning is 100% apparent) and made me laugh out loud.

I don’t know if I’m necessarily eager to read more by Martinez, but I’m glad I read this one.

The Inimitable Jeeves by P. G. Wodehouse When I read My Man Jeeves back in 2010, I was somewhat disappointed because so much of it was repetitive. While there are some common elements that recur within the eleven stories that comprise The Inimitable Jeeves, it is still so very much superior that I’d now say… forget about that first book. Start here. Go back and read My Man Jeeves for completist purposes, if that’s your inclination, but start here for the best introduction to these characters and Wodehouse’s uniquely charming and amusing writing.

First published in 1923, The Inimitable Jeeves contains a linked set of stories that typically involve affable Bertie Wooster being imposed upon by either his eternally lovesick friend Bingo Little (who is “always waylaying one and decanting his anguished soul”) or his mischief-making younger cousins, Claude and Eustace. One plot thread involves convincing Bingo’s uncle (who provides him with an allowance) to agree to Bingo marrying a waitress. Jeeves comes up with the idea to ply the uncle with romance novels featuring class differences to soften his heart, and it ends up that Bertie is compelled to go visit the old fellow and claim to be the author. In addition to containing the most elegant description of sweat I’ve ever seen—“The good old persp was bedewing my forehead by this time in a pretty lavish manner.”—this situation is referenced a few times in subsequent stories until Bingo succeeds in getting married to a different waitress who really is the author of those romance novels.

So, even though you’ve got episodic happenings, it’s rather a satisfactory conclusion. Bertie is endearing, Jeeves is competent, the writing is excellent, and it made me laugh. (I especially liked when a character was described as resembling “a sheep with a secret sorrow.”) I’m so glad that I didn’t give up on the series after the first book; now I feel as though I finally see what the fuss is all about. I’d also like to give credit to the fabulous narration by Jonathan Cecil. I’m not sure if it’s deliberate, but I hear echoes of Fry and Laurie in his performance, and I heartily approve. I will certainly seek out more unabridged versions read by him.

The Murders of Richard III by Elizabeth Peters This is the second in the Jacqueline Kirby series of mysteries. I haven’t read the first, and wouldn’t normally begin with the second, but the book promised an English country mansion plus “fanatic devotees of King Richard III” so my usual routine flew right out the window.

Even before university lecturer Thomas Carter likened himself unto Watson, I’d noticed the similarities between how this tale is told and the Sherlock Holmes stories. We are never permitted inside Jacqueline’s head. Instead, we see her how Thomas, hopeful of one day securing her romantic affections, views her. It’s fairly interesting, actually, because Thomas’ opinion of her fluctuates, sometimes peevishly. “You drive me crazy with your arrogance and your sarcasm and your know-it-all airs,” he says at one point. And though he soon after claims “I’m no male chauvinist; I don’t mind you showing off,” the fact is that earlier he was grumbling inwardly about her feigning “girlish ignorance” to reel in mansplainers and then walloping the “unwitting victim” with a cartload of knowledge. It’s true that Jacqueline isn’t especially likeable sometimes, but for remorselessly trouncing the sexist louts she encounters throughout the book, I must commend her!

The mystery itself is somewhat bland, unfortunately. The leader of a Ricardian society has received a letter purportedly written by Elizabeth of York, which would exonerate Richard of the deaths of her brothers, the “princes in the tower.” He calls a meeting of the society, with each attendee costumed as one of the historical personages involved, and summons the press, planning to unveil his find with much fanfare. But someone begins playing practical jokes on the Ricardians reminiscent of the fates of the people they are pretending to be. The book isn’t a long one, and soon the pranks start coming right on the heels of one another. Because of the swift pace—and some shallow characterization—the solution is rather anti-climactic.

Still, while I’m not sure I’ll seek out any more Jacqueline Kirby mysteries, this was overall a decent read.

A Perfect Match by Jill McGown The series of books featuring Detective Inspector Lloyd (whose first name is a secret for now) and Detective Sergeant Judy Hill begins with a short yet enjoyable mystery in which a wealthy young widow is found dead in a small English town on property she’d just inherited from her recently deceased husband. Unlike some mysteries of which I am fond, there’s no preamble where readers get to know the victim or the circumstances of their life. Instead, immediately there’s a policeman discovering the body and then Lloyd turns up to question the victim’s next of kin. This same lack of character development hampers the romantic tension between Lloyd and Hill, leaving me with no idea what motivated Hill to finally decide to act on her feelings for him, betraying her marriage vows in the process.

The mystery itself is interesting enough, however, involving long-married Helen and Donald Mitchell who have ties to both the victim, Julia—her late husband was Donald’s older brother and Helen thinks they were having an affair—and chief suspect, Chris, originally a friend of Donald’s who has fallen in love with Helen. I can’t claim to have mustered anything more than a mild curiosity as to what the outcome would be, but neither did I guess the specifics, so that was good. I liked the interrogation scenes, too.

McGown’s writing had some fun moments. I loved the super-evocative imagery of Lloyd telling Hill that her new perm makes her look like Kevin Keegan. I also really appreciated a recurring bit where each chapter ends with the point of view of wildlife. When Chris is eventually brought in by the police, his arrest is depicted from a bird’s perspective, for example. There are also ducks, a moth, a fly, a cat… I don’t know if this device recurs in later books in the series, but I look forward to finding out.

Reconstructing Amelia by Kimberly McCreight This is the second mystery/thriller I’ve read in which a single mom who is a lawyer with a cold and unfeeling mother of her own attempts to work out the mystery of what happened to a family member (the other being Girl in the Dark by Marion Pauw). Is that some kind of trend these days?

Kate Baron has a demanding job at a swanky firm, but she’s trying her best to be a good mom to her fifteen-year-old bookworm daughter, Amelia. She’s shocked to get a call from Grace Hall, the prestigious private school Amelia attends, saying that her daughter has been accused of cheating, and by the time she makes her way to the school, Amelia has evidently jumped to her death from the school roof. The police are only too happy to classify her death as a suicide, but when Kate gets a text that says “Amelia didn’t jump,” she starts trying to put together the pieces of what happened.

Reconstructing Amelia has quite a few problems. Despite her better judgment (and a promise to her best friend), Amelia joins a clique of bitchy girls at school who end up publicly humiliating her and trying to get her expelled when she falls in love with someone deemed off-limits. It’s hard to muster sympathy for what she ends up going through when one remembers the cruel prank she was willing to pull on someone else as part of the initiation process (largely kept off-camera to keep us from disliking her too much, I guess). We’re repeatedly told about the great relationship Amelia and her mom share, but never shown it. The subplot about Amelia’s dad is the literary equivalent of wilted lettuce. And the fact that the new detective who gets assigned to the case allows Kate to question suspects is absolutely ludicrous.

And yet, I couldn’t hate the book, largely because of Amelia’s friend, Sylvia. For much of the book she comes across as shallow and self-absorbed, but when Amelia really needs her, she’s there. She gives Amelia this tour of “great moments at Grace Hall” to cheer up her impressive pal, right before breaking down about her own legitimate pain. I never would’ve thought at the outset that I would have such immense sympathy for Sylvia, but I do. I find myself hoping that she’ll be okay.

Shutter Island by Dennis Lehane It sure is nice going into a book unspoiled, particularly one as twisty as Shutter Island. I was quite happy with the book as it began, with U.S. Marshals Teddy Daniels and Chuck Aule taking the ferry to Shutter Island to track down a patient missing from Ashcliffe Hospital for the Criminally Insane. It’s late summer 1954, and these guys are manly but accessible, and surprisingly funny. Consider this relatiely early exchange that cracked me up:

Pretentious Doctor: *makes remarks on the lives of violence the marshals must lead* Chuck: Wasn’t raised to run, Doc. Pretentious Doctor: Ah, yes. Raised. And who did raise you? Teddy: Bears.

For a while, all seems straightforward. Then Teddy confides to Chuck that he’s actually come there looking for a patient named Andrew Laediss, who was responsible for setting the fire that killed Teddy’s wife two years before. Gradually, one starts to doubt everything (and there was a point where all of the uncertainty got to be a little much for me) but the ultimate conclusion is a very satisfactory one.

Why Did You Lie? by Yrsa Sigurdardottir Set in Iceland, Why Did You Lie? starts out with three different storylines taking place a few days apart. The first involves a photographer on a helicopter journey to take pictures of a lighthouse on a rock in the middle of the ocean, the second is about a policewoman whose journalist husband has recently attempted suicide, and the third is about a family who returns from a house swap with an American couple to find some of their stuff missing and weird footage on the security camera. Of course, as the book progresses, these storylines converge, and it’s pretty neat when the police activity the helicopter flew over in chapter one turns out to be almost the culmination of the policewoman’s plot thread.

For some reason, I can’t help wondering how Ruth Rendell might’ve written this book. I think Rendell would’ve done a lot more with characterization, for one thing. There’s certainly some here, especially for the anxious husband who struggles to make his wife admit something really has gone wrong with their houseguests, but the primary concern seems to be getting on with the suspenseful action. Quickly, each plot features some kind of creepy lurker and then ominous notes (variations on the “why did you lie?” theme) figure in to all three, as well. Nina, the policewoman, digs around and talks to people and works out that everything connects to a supposed suicide from thirty years ago.

The result is certainly an entertaining book, but not one I could really love. One major issue I had is being able to predict something very significant. The number of characters who could’ve been angry enough about the 30-year-old lies in question to terrorize people in the present is very small. And once the existence of a certain person is oh-so-casually mentioned two-thirds through the book, I thought, “Oh, well, it’s them, then.” And then a little later, I figured out which of the characters it must be and I was right. This made for an anticlimactic ending that was clearly meant to be a shocking one. Also, I would’ve liked to have cared more that one character ends the novel poised to move on with life but, in reality, still in jeopardy.

I still would read more by this author, though.

By: Michelle Smith

[themyskira]

The Life of Captain Marvel - prologue

Sooooo, yep, we’re doing this.

I’m going to recap this travesty of a comic issue by issue, but before we dig into the many crimes of The Life of Captain Marvel, I thought it would be helpful to lay down some context.

Margaret Stohl’s miniseries radically reimagines Carol’s origin and family, in particular her parents, Joe and Marie Danvers. So let’s take a look at who they were before Stohl took a hacksaw to them.

Joe and Marie Danvers are first introduced in Ms Marvel vol. 1 #13 (1978) by Chris Claremont and Jim Mooney.

Some background for this: In the 70s, cape comics were increasingly delving into social issues not only as story fodder, but as a selling point. Successes like the 1970 Green Lantern/Green Arrow (which explored addiction, racism, income inequality and corruption) and The Amazing Spider-Man’s 1971 “Green Goblin Reborn!” (which famously abandoned the Comics Code in order to portray the negative impact of drug abuse) prompted more comics to address relevant social issues of the day (with… varying degrees of sensitivity, shall we say).

The Ms Marvel comic, which launched in 1977, was heavily coloured by (a white male comic writer’s interpretation of) the women’s liberation movement. It’s flagged right there in the title: as both a civilian and in her superhero alter ego, Carol Danvers refuses to be defined by her marital status, insisting on being called ‘Ms’ rather than ‘Miss’.

“And one thing more, Jonah… My name is Ms. Carol Danvers.”

When we first meet Carol in issue #1, she’s introduced as a smart, driven career woman and a proud feminist who is hired by J. Jonah Jameson as editor of the Bugle’s Woman magazine (an allusion to the feminist Ms magazine). In the space of a page, she’s talked the penny-pinching Jonah into paying her a high salary, while refusing to cave to his insistence that she prioritise diets and recipes over interviews and stories about women’s issues and activities.

To what extent the 1970s Ms Marvel succeeds as a feminist hero is debatable. What’s important here is that Carol is framed from the get-go as a hero who fights against misogyny as well as the usual parade of supervillains.

So obviously her dad was going to be a male chauvinist.

Carol: Dad, it’ll take more than words to stop Plumm. You need evidence. I’m a journalist — a trained investigator. If the building’s unsafe, I can help you prove it. I can get— Joe: Outta here, Kitten, an’ leave a man t’ do a man’s work in peace.

But Chris Claremont, to his credit, gave the character and the relationship a little more nuance than that.

“Joe Danvers. Five-nine and two hundred pounds of muscle, a man who’s worked his entire life with his hands, who started with nothing and built a successful contracting business until the recession of ’76 kicked it in the teeth.”

We first meet Joe at work on a construction site. The high-rise project has been plagued with problems, thanks to what we’ll later discover is deliberate sabotage by the site owner, and now one of Joe’s crew is trapped dangling from a fallen steel pylon several storeys above. Joe rushes to the man’s aid.

Man: Joe, what’re ya doin’?! Joe: Whaddaya think?! He’s one o’ my crew— I’m goin’ out after him!

With his courage and quick thinking, Joe saves the man’s life.

Andy: I’m scared, Joe. My God, am I gonna die?!? Joe: Not if I can help it. Just hang loose, Andy, and trust me!

Joe begins to suspect that the owner is cutting corners at the expense of workers’ safety. Investigating after hours, he discovers the whole site is at risk of structural collapse. Furious, he calls the owner, who first denies it and then tries to threaten Joe into silence. Joe refuses to be cowed.

Plumm: We’re within the building codes. Joe: Bull! Plumm: I warn you, Danvers— push me too far and I’ll make you live to regret it. Joe: Stick it in yer ear, punk! You’re finished, Plumm — ‘cause I’m blowin’ the whistle on you an this pitiful excuse for a buildin’!

Throughout, Claremont takes the time to illustrate the commonalities between Carol and her father. They’re both people of courage and conviction, with nerves of steel. They also share a stubbornness and a temper that doesn’t always do either of them any favours.

And, yeah, Joe is a sexist jerk.

When Carol offers her journalistic skills and connections to help expose Plumm, Joe dismisses her. And when Ms Marvel ultimately saves Joe’s life, he grumbles about her interfering. The idea that he might need a woman’s help to do a ‘man’s work’ is utterly demeaning in his mind.

In later issues, we learn that the reason Carol joined the military in the first place was because it was the only way she could afford to pay for college after Joe flatly refuses to help her out, saying it’s more important for her brother Steve to get an education and “besides, you don’t need college to find a good husband”.

So Carol joins the Air Force, makes her own way, builds her dream career and becomes a hero on her own terms. Yet no matter how high she flies, it never seems to be enough for Joe. He doesn’t understand what she wants from life, she doesn’t meet his expectations for what a daughter or a young woman ought to be, and for that Carol feels she’s never been able to gain his approval or acceptance.

“All I ever wanted was for Dad to accept me as I am, not as he wanted me to be. And now I know that no matter what I do, or how well I do it— he never will.”

Marie, unfortunately, gets short shrift in Claremont’s Ms Marvel. We see that she’s supportive and proud of Carol, buying every issue of Carol’s magazine and enthusiastically recommending it to all of her friends. We see that, unlike Joe, Marie sees Carol for who she is and loves her for it. And she’s not fooled for a second by the Ms Marvel costume.

“I gave birth to you, Carol. I raised you. I love you. I’d know my first-born anywhere, behind any disguise.”

But unlike Joe, we never get a sense of who she is as a character or what kind of relationship she has with Carol. Indeed, for the most part she’s just there to mediate Carol’s relationship with Joe, making excuses for her husband, downplaying the hurt he’s caused Carol and encouraging Carol not to let his misogyny bother her. Which is a problem in itself.

Carol’s backstory got a light revamp for the modern era in 2008’s Ms Marvel vol. 2 #31.

In this version of events, Joe is less overtly misogynistic. He doesn’t outright refuse to help Carol with college or suggest that she ought to be looking for a husband… but those sexist assumptions are still hanging around beneath the surface and he never truly accepts Carol, unable to reconcile her wants and ambitions with his ideas of what a daughter should be.

“The things I did… and this was before I had super-powers… I saved the world a few times, Dad. Would that make you proud? I don’t think it would. I wasn’t Steven, was I? I wasn’t Joe Junior with his architecture degree. And I wasn’t your perfect little boy in a Red Sox fan [sic]. I was just the little girl you were always uncomfortable with… never knew how to talk to.”

The breaking point in their relationship, and the impetus for Carol to join the Air Force, comes with the death of her (older, in this version) brother Steven, who dies overseas in military service.

Unable to cope with his grief, Joe starts drinking to numb his feelings with alcohol, developing a serious drinking problem (this retcon was a nod to Ms Marvel’s own battle with alcoholism, which had been explored in a number of comics at this point).

And seventeen-year-old Carol looks around her, seeing a father near-catatonic with grief and booze and a mother struggling to keep the family afloat on her single salary, and she concludes that if she wants to go to college and become an astronaut then she’s going to have to rely on her own resources. So the moment she turns eighteen, she joins the Air Force.

And her father explodes.

“Why, after what happened to Steven, why would you even want— are you @#$%ing insane?!”

He’s still consumed by the death of his son, and now his daughter is putting her own life on the line in pursuit of a dream he has never understood or taken seriously. He’s terrified and angry and convinced she’s doing it just to spite him.

And no matter how high she flies, she’ll never measure up to his idealised memories of the child he lost. His approval is always out of reach.

Meanwhile, once again, Marie gets shafted. She’s absent in the flashbacks and a one-dimensional figure in the present day, giving no sense of her personality or her relationship with Carol.

There’s one more version of Carol’s backstory, and it comes -- curiously enough -- from Margaret Stohl’s previous run on Mighty Captain Marvel in 2017.

Joe: Ah, Bean... Since my tour of duty ended, things have been tight. College tuition... [...] I can pay one tuition, Bean. For Stevie. Joe has my hands, he can frame houses with me. Carol: That’s not fair! What about me? What am I supposed to do? Joe: Find yourself a nice boy -- heck, a nice astronaut -- and settle down.

Essentially it’s a modernisation of the original Claremont version. Joe Danvers is a loving father who wants the best for all of his children. But what he sees as best is shaped by his sexist preconceptions — a college degree is more essential for Steve, who he assumes will be supporting a family, than Carol, who’ll be raising one — and a complete failure to understand his daughter and how deep her ambitions run. What she feels in her bones as a calling, he sees as a cute obsession that she’ll outgrow, once she’s settled down with the right man. And that hurts. “It’s a lonely thing,” Carol reflects, “when the people who love you don’t know who you are”.

This is the kind of nuance which Stohl utterly abandons in The Life of Captain Marvel.

So, common to all of these versions of Carol’s background is

a fraught, complex relationship with a hard-headed father who’s never understood her and whose approval is always beyond Carol’s grasp, and

a vaguely domestic mother with no defined personality beyond a desire to keep the peace between Carol and Joe.

By the end of The Life of Captain Marvel, this will be transformed into

an irredeemably toxic and traumatising relationship with a verbally and physically abusive father who blames Carol for gatecrashing his illicit romance with his mysterious sexy space girlfriend, aka Carol’s mother; and

a vaguely domestic mother (from space) with no defined personality beyond a desire to keep the peace between Carol and Joe.

Buckle up, kids. This is going to be a shitshow from start to finish.

[tauntaun-rider]

I found this and thought it would be fun to fill out. If you’re reading this, consider yourself ‘tagged’ and tag me in your answers! I’m curious how my opinions differ from others in the fandom.

GENERAL

Your main(s) name: I know I’m supposed to have a “main”, but I don’t really know that I do. The character I play new content with first is my never-made-a-dark-decision Consular, who is also the first character with whom I finished a class story. Her name is Maralla. However, I would say I have a “main” for each class that I focus on to do post-vanilla game content. (Except Smuggler, Trooper, and Knight, which I haven’t taken through any kind of expansion. I’ll get around to it eventually. I do have characters that I would specifically use for those classes, though. Does any of my ridiculousness make sense?)

Your main(s) level: All of them are level 60+ at this point.

Your main(s) class: I’m gonna say that I have multiple “main” OC, all of whom have completed at least some post-vanilla content. So.. 2 Consulars, 2 Warriors, 1 Inquisitor, 1 Bounty Hunter, 1 Agent.

Your server: Star Forge! I do have two on Satele Shan, though. I didn’t have any character slots left, so I transferred one to Satele Shan and deleted a few unused ones.

How long have you been playing SWtOR: Since either May or June of 2016.

Why did you start: My boyfriend suggested that we play together as a bonding thing when we can’t physically be together. (It’s funny. He rarely plays anymore because he gets bored with things and has to shuffle through what he’s playing at a given time.)

FAVORITE

Planet(s): Rishi! If you want me to pick from the base game, then definitely Voss. Honorable Mentions: Yavin 4, Dromund Kaas, Imperial Balmorra, Alderaan, and Korriban.

NPC(s): How long do you have? Jonas Balkar, Hunter, Grandpa Kallig, Darth Zash, Keeper, Watcher Two, Darth Marr, Darth Vowrawn, Aristocra Saganu, Sanju Pyne, Darmas Pollaran, Master Orgus, Tai Cordan, Tobas Grell, Attros Finn, Ardun Kothe, Sergeant Jaxo, Lokir-Ka, Tora... Okay, I need to stop.

Companion(s): Oh geez. How am I supposed to choose? The first ones to come to mind are Vector, Theron, Quinn, Light Jaesa, Vette, Zenith, Jorgan, Kira, Doc, Andronikos, Talos, Khem, and Torian.

Class: Agent! (Followed by Consular and Inquisitor.)

Discipline (madness, combat, carnage…): Infiltration for a Jedi Shadow (Consular) and Concealment for an Operative (Agent).

Moment: I have so many! The female Warrior flirting with Quinn during the Balmorran Arms Factory debriefing, the female Bounty Hunter distracting Torian with a flirt to flip him and point a gun at his face, the female Imperial OC Force choking or Force lightning-ing or punching the sexist asshole on Quesh, the Consular getting an Esh-ka name, the Agent’s final battle with Hunter, the Warrior’s final battle with Baras, the Inquisitor’s final ghostly battle with Thanaton, the Doc proposal/marriage conversation, the Moff Broysc saga with Quinn, KhemZash, the end of the Agent story... Okay, that’s way too many examples.

LEAST FAVORITE

Planet(s): Corellia, Ord Mantell, Hutta, Belsavis (even though it’s pretty), and Taris.

NPC(s): Darth Baras, Darth Zhorrid, General var Suthra, Tarro Blood, Skavak, Falner Oeth, Duke Kendoh, Senior Agent Zane, Nomen Karr, Master Kaedan, Darth Ravage, and Thana Vesh. I guess you can include Darth Jadus, too, because he scares the shit out of me. I’m sure that I’m missing some..

Companion(s): I tag all of the companions by their actual names.. Except for “Fucking Skadge” and “That Asshole Pierce”. Tanno Vik, Sergeant Rusk, Dark Jaesa, SCORPIO, Corso, Guss, Broonmark, Koth, and Kaliyo are at the bottom of my list, also.

Class: Trooper. Without a doubt.

Discipline: I don’t really know off the top of my head. I only knew the ones I put as my favorites because I had them in my phone for some reason.

Moment: KOTET Chapter 8, Iokath/Umbara, the decision after the second boss fight on Copero, the Quinncident, the seemingly endless appearances of Draahg, the death of Master Orgus, the Jaxo thing, Falner Oeth’s bullshit, Vette’s final companion quest, the end of the Knight story (as a result of the expansions released after), etc.

GUILD

Currently in guild(s): Yeah. I don’t think any two of my characters are in the same guild. Whoops. I did have a guild full of kind people that taught me about crew skills and crafting, but there was some kind of break-up that happened at some point. Now I’m a drifter.

Currently GM: Does GM stand for guildmaster? (I always associate it with the baseball acronym for general manager.) If so, no. If not, I have no idea what I’m being asked.

Have you been in a PvP, RP, Social, PvE, Conquest oriented guild: The aforementioned guild did regular raids and stuff.. But I don’t have a set guild at this point.

ACHIEVEMENTS

Are you Legendary: Yes! It makes Heroic Moment very useful.

Do you PvP: Nope.

Do you do Galactic Starfighter: I’ve never done it before. I feel like I would need to do it with an actual mouse and not the one built into my laptop, and I can’t find my old mouse. It always looked fun, though.

Completed Chapters: For the vanilla game? All.

EXPANSIONS COMPLETED

Rise of the Hutt Cartel: Yes.

Shadow of Revan: Yes.

Knights of the Fallen Empire: Yes.

Knights of the Eternal Empire: Yes.

QUESTIONS

Have you ever tried to fight a world boss solo? Yeah. That was a complete accident. I was very new to SWTOR and gaming in general, and I knew that starred bosses gave bigger rewards, so I had a mid-teens leved character on Coruscant try to beat the world boss. Whoops.

Most hilarious/embarrassing death(s)? I have a propensity to fall off of things. Especially elevators. I have poor depth perception, apparently.

What do you miss from the old SWtOR? I don’t think I've been around long enough to know how to answer this.

What do you like from the new updates? The newest one? I guess the fact that three companions came back at all, even though I would have loved for everyone to get Andronikos as a companion, not just Inquisitors.

Most hilarious/embarrassing PvP moment? I’ve never done it.

Anything else you’d like to add? I wish the Voss were available as a playable race. I know that would never happen, but it’s nice to dream.

[indiebyrdn7]

You Know What Really Grind My Gears... Fandom

… Yup Fandom

           You know that thing people do when the love something and share that love with other people who love the same thing. Well like everything there is always that one guy or this case ‘ladies’ (and my southern belleness does use that word loosely as a sprinkle from Salt Bae’s fingers) who fuck it up. After seeing how some people do fandom I see why they say this is why we can’t have nice things. You could be minding your own business enjoying what you love and… BLAM! Those ‘ladies’ roll up on you like a questionable egg salad sandwich from a gas station… Just ask Philip J. Fry! They fuck up your groove and leave you with a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach…

           Now I am a ‘to each their own’ kind of southern belle. I think do you and be happy but I have found in fandom some just can’t just be happy and stay in their lane… Ever fandom has them the cannon purest, the ship vigilantes but these ‘ladies’ are the self entitled Judge Dredd’s of DC Comics. They act as if they are the judge jury and executioner of ….well we’ll just call her… she’s fallen and need saving…. Wait, wait the Jamie Lannister (From the last minute of the Spoils of War) of BvS. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming…. Back on topic…. If you, like me, don’t love BvS Jamie lord protect your eyes because you’ll be bombarded with...

           You’re a….

           Racist…. Can we take a minute to look at my profile pic… what is that…. A BLACK WOMAN! I AM SHOOK! Let me use my ‘Gone with the Wind’ voice…. Oh Lordy… Well golly me I didn’t know giving 0 fucks about BvS Jamie was a system meant to oppress others…PS… I know those ‘ladies’ can see this… having multiple accounts for stalking and such things… White supremacists are meeting in my state about two hours away from my house as I’m writing this… That is what real racism (in the real world) looks like. Not the sick fantasy you believe in your head over some not liking BvS Jaime, a fictional character. Some of us you call ‘racist’ for 0 fucks given are women of color, who deal with racism every day that we draw breath… but I what like doesn’t affect you personally not like those people who are actually trying to instill fear into those who look like us.

           Wait their favorite… Sexist… still a girl as body reminds me every month with its evil little gift I didn’t ask for. Again BvS Jamie isn’t a real person and my 0 fucks…. Still doesn’t affect you personally…

           Homophobic… But I’ve always thought Wonder Woman was either bisexual, pansexual, asexual or nobody cares who she bang as long as she’s happy (I cannot reinforce this enough Wonder Woman still not a real person)…. And everybody knows Themyscira is off the coast of Dorne and they are far more advanced when it come to the matters of snu snu. Diana loves everyone and there is nothing wrong with that (I don’t think Kal minds… we all saw those eyes checking out Bruce back at the Watchtower…) All you need is love… love… love is all you need.

           Satan… Yup I am the mistress of all things evil over 0 fucks given… illogical statement building… Salty level at critical mass…

            And all this over Hunter (still not real) Prince, possible SMWW kid (not confirmed as anything but his name). Maybe they have been hanging around Edna ‘E’ Mode from The Incredibles and are acting out of their hatred of capes… That’s the story I’m sticking to, it’s the most rational one I could put together.

The story just started… You know nothing of where the author is going. You think this story  MIGHT NOT BE ABOUT BvS JAMIE.  Not that is will not be about BvS Jamie but might not….

           That’s just sad….

I mean look at Marvel’s Spiderman. They have both Miles and Peter… There are like two Peter’s: the married with a kid and the teenager one. Hell they even have Spider-Gwen… All existing at the same time. Spidey for all!  It’s a smart business move. There is a Spider-Man for everyone to enjoy. Marvel isn’t playing Highlander with their creativity or allowing ‘that guy’ Judge Dredd to tell them that there is only Spider-Man aka Peter…

  ��        So taking a key from Marvel and allowing one kid in one book who might be Superman and Wonder Woman’s kid to help make them money… Come in closer… I have a secret to tell you… IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU AND YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL! Your offence over them earning money and bringing in new readers…. Can you guess who’s the winner… But again still doesn’t affect you personally or your book. I gagged just staying that. No one owns books or stories or characters they are shared with everyone.

           But…  But…  Our fandom is the most pure, the only one…. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!

           Let me sum this madness up nicely.

           I’m scared of zombies so I don’t watch the Walking Dead, but my mother loves it. So when 9pm rolls around during zombie season in my house I am elsewhere not watching it. I don’t tell the people in my house that they can’t watch zombie brains just because I run out of ammo in zombie dreams....

           Zombies not my lane, Star Wars my lane…

SMWW are some folks lane and  BvS Jamie isn’t …

When one stays in their lane…

One can find their fandom is more enjoyable

Who has time to be constantly slipping from Salt Bae’s fingers all week?

[frywen-babbles]

Rules: fill this out and tag at least one person you’d like to know more about! Or just fill it out! Or don’t! Answer only some of them! Make up your own questions! “What kind of requirement is that”, you ask? A reasonable one! Who am I to tell you what to do? Anything goes!

(Original questions authored by @cavern-of-bells , thank her!)

Tagged by @belxsar , thank you for the tag!

1. What kind of food can’t you stand?: I’m with you @belxsar , eggplant is horrible. It tastes too bitter, as does zucchini. Overcooked bell peppers are also disgusting.

2. If you could choose one minor inconvenience to never have to deal with again, what would you pick?: Packing. I’d love if everything important just packed itself without having to worry about fitting everything in and stressing about forgetting something important. I hate packing.  

3. Have you got any useless talents?: I don’t think my talents are useless, but I think lots of people think my profession is useless.  

4. If you could be really really good at one thing, what would it be?: Time management.  

5. Name a few people you think are extremely good-looking: Otome men?

6. What was your favorite way to pass the time as a kid?: Reading. I was obsessed, I could read several books per day if I just had the time.  

7. What is something you’re proud of?: My kids.  

8. What’s one character flaw in people that you just can’t tolerate?: Bigotry. In all of its forms, whether it’s terfs, racists, homophobes or neo-nazis.

9. Do you consider yourself to be more of a leader or a follower?: A follower. I only take the lead if no-one else will.

10. What kind of student are/were you?: A decent one? I tried to do my homework on time and had decent grades.  

11. Butterfly effect question! Has there ever been a seemingly minor decision you’ve made (at the time) that ended up having a profound influence on your life?: Yes. I went to watch Oscars with some friends and ended up falling in love.

12. Name your most irrational fear/aversion: Like funny irrational or terrifying irrational? I’m scared to put my hands over railings if I’m holding something on my hands or if I have rings because I’m sure I’ll drop everything.

13. Are there any fictional characters you find especially relatable?: From SLBP I find Mitsunari really relatable. I just try to appear nice and hide my tsun.

14. If you drink, what kind of drunk are you? Alternatively, what sort of person are you at parties?: I’m a sociable drunk. I’m one of those introverts that turn into extroverts when they drink. If I can’t drink myself nice, I usually sit in a corner, avoid loud music and prefer talking to 2-3 people.  

15. Do you fall in love easily? Or does it usually take a long time for you to trust someone?: I have crushes fairly easily, but I’ve fallen in love head over heels just once. Usually, it takes longer time, but I guess that one time was special?

16. Would you rather have one close friend or 100 casual friends?: One close friend. I’m too introverted to have a large social circle, but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy talking to lots of people.  

17. Do you consider yourself to be more of a slob or a neat-freak?: I’m both. I’m a horrible slob who likes to keep all closets and drawers neat.  

18. Describe a place (imaginary or real) that you would find incredibly cozy: The Shire from Lord of the Rings.

19. Do you have kids? If not, do you want them someday?: I have just the perfect amount of kids.  

20. What was your favorite book as a child?: I don’t remember what was my absolute favourite, but the book that I loved and what had most impact me as a person must have been Dealing With Dragons and the entire Enchanted Forest Chronicles by Patricia C. Wrede.  

21. Name one thing you just don’t get what all the hype is about: Game of Thrones and other overly violent and dark fantasy series. Give me back Buffy or The Legend of the Seeker or Xena. I had nightmares for a month when I tried to watch GoT.  

22. Name one thing that you think is tragically underrated: Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse -series. It’s hilarious and filled with weird pop culture references.

23. If you had to be glued to a person for a month, real or fictional (who you have never met), who would you choose?: It doesn’t matter, I would SUFFER no matter who it was (and probably the other party would too, I’m a really nasty person when I’ve had too much socialising). I can’t even stand hubby for a month.  

24. What’s something you’d like the chance to do someday?: Travel more.  

25. Do you typically speak your mind when you have a controversial opinion? Or do generally prefer to not rock the boat?: I just loathe silently (but probably not discreetly) everyone around me.

26. What’s the dumbest fad you’ve been caught up in?: All the fads I’ve been caught up in were awesome, I have no regrets <3

27. What’s something you thought was cool as a kid/adolescent, but now cringe at yourself for?: Sexist jokes.  

28. What’s a trait you consider to be very admirable?: A passion to want something to happen so much you’re willing to put everything else aside. Like a passion to organise cons. It takes a huge amount of energy and time and still some people do it over and over again without any pay, just because they want other people to be able to enjoy themselves.

29. Is there a particular kind of item people always tend to give you as gifts? (For instance, people always get you things with ducks on them because you like ducks, etc.): I get things with cats on them a lot, I think?

30. Do you speak multiple languages? Which ones?: My mother tongue and English. I barely survive shopping in Swedish and know very little Spanish, Japanese and German.  

31. Would you rather live in the big city or the countryside?: Big city, the countryside is awful, everyone knows each other. And all the gossip. Nope.  

32. Has there ever been something you were certain you’d hate, but ended up loving?: Winx club. But I didn’t think I’d hate it, just that it wouldn’t be interesting. I teased hubby when he watched it but ended up being totally addicted instead.  

33. Do you mind being the center of attention, or do you prefer the spotlight to be on someone else?: I love being at the centre of the attention but at the same time, I’m terrified of it.

34. Favorite holiday?: Christmas.  

35. Are you a more go-with-the-flow type of person, or do you need to have things planned meticulously?: I need plans. I hate surprises. Depending on my anxiety level, I need anything from two days to an hour to prepare for small things.  

36. Is there something you loved so much you wish you could forget it and experience it all over again? (A tv show, book, series–anything.) : The Lord of the Rings hype when the movies came out. It was awesome, I loved every minute of it.  

37. What hobbies do you have?: Writing and playing otome games.  

38. If you could have a superpower, but it was only mildly useful, what ability would you want to have?: I’d like to keep house plants alive. Or have birds poop on nasty people.  

39. Something people are always surprised to learn about you: IRL people are surprised when I tell I play otome games. Some people find my profession surprising as well as if being a geek and beauty care are somehow exclusionary.

40. Something that took you way too long to figure out: That my body is good enough as it is. Somehow it needed +20kg to realise I wasn’t as fat as I thought I was.  

41. Worst injury you’ve had?: Tearing ligaments in my ankle. Twice.  

42. Any morbid fascinations?: Like everything? For example, I love songs that are supposed to be nice and calm but instead are about death and misery, like some lullabies and Christmas songs.

43. Describe your sense of humor: Sarcastic and pretty dry. But I also laugh at the stupidest memes.

44. If you had to be born in another era/place, which would you choose?: Good olden days suck. It doesn’t matter, I’d probably be dead anyway.  

45. Something you are irredeemably bad at: Time management.  

46. Something that sucked but you’re glad you went through: Pregnancy. It majorly sucked both times, but it was still worth it. Every other shit that I’ve gone through I could have lived without. It’s not true that “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. What doesn’t kill you may irreparably break and damage you and you might never be over some shit, no matter how hard you tell yourself that you are.

47. Would you rather have a really godawful ugly tattoo in a place that is only slightly inconvenient to conceal with clothing (upper arm, thigh, etc.), or the coolest, most beautiful tattoo ever in the middle of your face? (Neither tattoo can be removed or concealed with makeup, and the ugly tattoo will deeply offend anyone who sees it.): Facial tattoo.  

48. Are you more of an optimist or a pessimist?: Optimist, I think. I force myself to have an absolute faith that everything will work out, otherwise, I’d be an anxious mess incapable of doing anything.  

49. What would be the most flattering compliment someone could give you?: That they loved my writing. Or that I made them have feels and now they hate me ^^

50. Something you feel people often misunderstand about you: That I actually usually want to talk to them even if I seem standoffish or cold. I’m just not that good at talking to people I don’t know.  

Tagging @minnimay17 @i-dont-look-good-i-look-great @wonky-glass-ornament @thedaydreamingotaku @suzunesays